#and anyone still trying to stir up this drama from a year ago is a TROLL

[blueicequeen19]

Camping Trip

Warnings: Somno, non-con, unprotected sex, creampie, JJ stealing Rafe’s girl, Rafe claiming her anyway 😮‍💨

I didn't want to come on this camping trip but my girlfriend insisted. The idea behind it was appealing; kayaking through the marsh, partying, then camping for the night, then going back to civilization. The cops left us alone as long as we cleaned up our mess before we left. All the way out here, there was no need to worry about disturbing anyone else or getting a noise complaint. I think this was their way of letting us get everything out of our system. The drugs, alcohol, and sex never stopped flowing at these events. Out here we weren't Kooks or Pogues. We were all alike and just trying to forget for a weekend. Everyone was out in the open, naked and fucking. Or drinking. Or smoking. It was the wildest weekend of the year. But it was torture for me now.

I couldn't relax knowing that the one person plaguing my mind was here and she was here with Rafe fucking Cameron. We were supposed to have some sort of truce with Rafe for Sarah. She didn't want the drama and the retaliation that always followed. And sense one of the rules for coming out here was no fighting, my hands were tied. For the most part.

When we'd been loading the kayaks on the water, I'd seen Rafe's tent lying on the sand waiting to be packed so I nonchalantly bent down to grab something and sliced the side with my knife before he came back. He was more pissed off over manual labor than to notice the giant hole. It wasn't until a few hours ago that he finally noticed and threw a fit. Of course he didn't suspect me because I was the one helping them set up camp. Rafe wasn't made for the outdoors like I was so he didn't have a clue. And when I offered to let them share our four person tent, he was hesitant but he agreed. Especially after I mentioned the risk of sand fleas from sleeping outside.

Y/N saw through my bullshit though. I could tell with the way her eyes tracked my every move, narrowing slightly when we'd lock eyes. My girl isn't stupid so why is she hanging out with this moron?

It was getting late by the time Rafe was drunk enough to be tolerable. My girlfriend was currently passed out in the tent, her buzz keeping her that way as I crawled in next to her. Rafe's one stipulation about sharing the tent was that the girls slept in the middle. That was fine but I couldn't bear to wake my girlfriend so I left her on the side, maneuvering myself between her and Y/N. Both girls were in their bikinis since the night air was still pretty hot and humid while I had nothing on but a pair of basketball shorts. Y/N had laid down a while ago but Rafe was passed out by the fire, where he'd stay for now.

I let my eyes descend her body, marking every detail to memory from the scar on her hip to the freckle on her chest. I want to lick every inch of her the cum on her face. She was exquisite and fucking mine.

I moved closer so her side was pressed to my chest, her hand next to the raging hardon in my shorts. I lost myself in watching the way her tits rose and fell with every breath before I finally pulled each scrap of material to the side to reveal her perfect nipples. They were already hard as I gently blew air across them. She didn't stir so I began to circle one with my point finger, willing it to get as hard as possible. I move to the next one, training my eyes on her face while making sure to listen for movements outside. Her thighs clenched together before falling open, welcoming me as I finally flicked her nipple with my tongue.

God, she tasted good.

I was so hard it hurt and her hand was against my dick, the ultimate form of torture. I didn't stop licking and sucking her peaked little bud until her head fell to the side, exposing her throat to me.

I felt like such a fucking creep but I couldn't help it. This girl made me crazy. I needed her in all the worst ways. Everytime I fucked my girlfriend I had to imagine it was this girl just so I could get off. It was wrong but I was only with her to make Y/N jealous.

I leaned into her neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her skin and the shampoo in her hair. I resisted the urge to mark her pretty throat. Rafe would lose his fucking shit and the truce would be over if I left a hickey on her. It was tempting but I pulled back just as she stirred again and her hand brushed against my cock. I sucked in a breath through my nose before reaching down to free myself from my shorts. My cock rested against her hand and I watched as precum wept from the tip, onto her delicate fingers.

I grit my teeth before reaching down to wrap her hand around my cock and slowly use her hand to jerk myself off. I was on the verge of moaning and cumming from this alone so I took her nipple into my mouth again to try and distract myself from the best handsy I'd ever gotten.

Finally, I pulled away and let her hand drop before I moved to the foot of the tent. There was still no movement from outside so I carefully widened her legs further to get a look at her plump, wet pussy, the fabric of her bikini bottoms were damp with her arousal. I positioned myself on my stomach between her thighs and pressed my nose to the fabric, savoring the way she fucking smelled. I needed to get it together or I was going to run out of time.

I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning when I slowly pulled the fabric to the side and found her slick with arousal, just like I knew she would be. She was waxed and so goddamn smooth. I used my hands to open her up and present myself with her clit. The swollen nub was already darkening in color, ready to be sucked.

I stuck my tongue out flat and swiped it from her entrance to her clit, her taste making me almost blow my load right then. I watched her face for signs of movement as I did it again and again. I tried to take my time while I tasted her when really all I wanted to do was feast like a starved man. I needed to die in this pussy.

When I sucked her clit into my mouth and her legs tightened, I stopped, my eyes trained on her unmoving face. I moved lower, teasing her entrance with my tongue and her brows finally pulled together, the first sign of consciousness I'd seen on her.

I thrust my tongue inside her sweet, wet pussy and her toes immediately curled. I couldn't stop fucking her with my tongue. She was so wet that it was running down my chin, onto my chest while it absolutely just poured out of her like a fountain. Finally a soft hum left her lips and I froze for a moment before carefully moving to my knees as I tried to listen for Rafe outside.

"R-Rafe--." She moaned softly, sliding her legs together and turning on her side. Fire blazed through my blood, my hands balling into fists as I grit my teeth so hard, I feared they might shatter. She's dreaming about fucking Rafe.

I didn't think as I rolled her the rest of the way to her stomach and tucked her thong bikini to the side after shoving her legs together. I straddled her body, freeing my cock again and watching it drip all over her nice ass before I guided it through her slick. Pissed off didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling now. It took every ounce of strength I had left to resist the urge to bury my cock in her in one hard thrust but I didn't.

I eased the tip in as I leaned over her back, blood filling my mouth where I've bit my lip. The tight, wet heat of her pussy washed over me, her walls already pulsing as she pulled me in deeper. I leaned down next to her face, moving her hair out of the way as my pelvis became flush with her ass, and kissed the shell of her ear.

"Who's cock is inside you right now?" I can't help but growl, as I start to roll my hips back and forth. Her breathing picks up, her body reacting to mine as I fuck her with short thrusts, attempting to avoid the slapping sound of skin on skin. Her hands fist the sleeping bag next to her head and I grin before looking between our bodies to watch my cock pull out covered in her white, creamy substance before driving back inside her. I lower myself to her back and drag my tongue up her spine, leaving goosebumps all over her skin as I find her ear again.

"Who's fucking you right now?" I growl, her pussy walls quiver hard as she nears her release. Fuck, I'm right there too. I need to pull out. Rafe can't know I was here or I risk throwing away the truce between the Pogues and Kooks but fuck, I don't think the devil himself could stop me right now. A darker part of me wants to mark her insides with my cum just to claim her then watch it drip. Fuck what Rafe thinks.

I cover her hands with my own, her fingers immediately locking with mine in a tight grip. Every inch of her is drawn tight as she approaches her release, her brows pulled together as she fights to maintain the ruse of being asleep. I want to fuck her harder, faster, but I know we’ll get caught if I lose control.

"I should roll you on your back and make you watch as I fuck my cum into you. Sluts like you deserve to be filled up and left." I keep my voice low in her ear and a small gasp leaves her lips, her eyes finally fluttering open to gaze up at me. I'm not sure if she's afraid or pleading. Afraid I'll stop or pleading for me to continue. She looks hot regardless.

"I--." Her whisper is cut off as she cums hard, practically soaking us both as her eyes roll into the back of her head and she trembles beneath me. I growl, driving myself into her harder as cum shoots deep inside her whether I want it to or not. I grab a fistful of her hair, my mouth at her ear as I cum and cum and cum. It's so much that I can't stop.

"Look at me. Look at who's fucking you, who's cum is inside you." I snap in a low voice but she shakes her head, refusing to look at me.

"Look at me or I'll stop. I know you're gonna cum again. Open your fucking eyes and say my name." Her lips tremble just as her eyes snap open and another orgasm washes over her. The fire in her eyes morphs to one of raw desire just as her lips part on a breathless moan and I hear what I've been dying to hear all night.

"J--." Her mouth clamps closed again as she shakes hard beneath me. I fuck her through it until my own body is shaking from overstimulation and I have no choice but slow to a stop.

Her eyes are heavy for a few moments before they narrow on me, that fire back. I lean in to kiss her, wanting to feel her lips just once but she turns her head, jutting out her chin.

“My cum is leaking out of you and you won’t kiss me?” I rasp in her ear, feeling her body tighten and my cock jerks inside her.

“I hate you.” She bites out, watching as I slowly pull out. I can feel we’ve made a mess and for a few seconds I can’t find it in me to give a fuck. I don’t want to pull out. I’m not ready for this to be over. If anything I want to keep going until the sun comes up and we have no choice but to face Rafe.

“You can hate me all you want but you loved every second of it.” I grab Rafe’s towel and clean her up the best I can before she slaps my hand away and does it herself.

“You’re a piece of shit. I thought you were Rafe.” She hisses, grabbing one of Rafe’s shirts and yanking it over her head, her eyes glancing at my sleeping girlfriend that I’d forgotten about.

I open my mouth to argue when I hear steps shuffling in the sand right outside the tent. There’s the distinct sound of vomiting and gagging as we both scramble to right ourselves and appear to be sleeping. I give her my back and quickly throw my arm over my sleeping girlfriend just as the zipper is pulled back.

“Fuck.” I hear Rafe grumble as he drops down on the sleeping bag next to me. There’s shuffling and I hear her gasp. My teeth grind together at the sound of their heavy breathing. He’s so drunk that he’s gonna fuck her with me in here, not even realizing she’s already full of me.

“Rafe..” I hear her whisper then she gasps as he no doubt buries himself inside her.

“God, you’re so wet. Miss me, baby?”

#smutwarning #outer banks smut #jj maybank smut #obx2 #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #rudy pankow #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x you #jj obx #tw non con #outer banks x reader #rafe cameron smut #wattpad #tw dark content #dark!fic #blueicequeen19 #dark!rafe cameron #outer banks fanfiction #tw unprotected sex #jj maybank

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Wildest dreams, pt. 16

Summary: Meeting the imprints.

Warnings: fluff, angst

Wildest Dreams Masterlist

————————————

Sitting in the corner of what she could best describe as an all-girls sleepover, Y/N sipped on her tea trying to ignore the drying tear stains on her shirt. Her lower lip quivers each time she releases it from her teeth formed prison, the flesh bruised and swollen after her merciless, anxiety induced chewing.

Emily catches her gaze every now and then, but Y/N is quick to avert her eyes. She had been given some space to gather her thoughts, but how can she do that when her mind is far too engrossed in the very real possibility of losing Paul before she even had a chance to call him hers?

Would destiny be so cruel? After all the time she spent ripping him apart for things that happened so long ago, she would deserve this. 

But he wouldn’t. 

Paul wouldn’t deserve to die just to torture Y/N, or so she hopes.

“They’ll be fine”, one of the girl speaks to her. Her hair is short, down to her shoulders – black as is usual in La Push. Her face is wide, mainly in the cheeks thus making her eyes seem smaller than they are. The dark eyes reflect empathy, a kindness of spirit that allows Y/N to relax. She remembers her from high school. She was one of the few girls that hung around with the guys. 

Y/N used to be so jealous of her,

At least she understands now.

“You’re Kim”, Y/N states. “Jared’s imprint.”

Nodding, Kim smiles softly. “One of the first imprints in the pack.” Reaching for Y/N’s hand, her smile widens. They’ve seen each other quite a lot, but they’ve never really spoken. When Paul was stuck to the bed, she barely paid any mind to anyone else and Kim understood that. She wouldn’t be interested in making new friends if something happened to Jared either. “I’ve done this quite a lot. It’s almost never anything more than a few scrapes and bruises.”

Swallowing thickly, Y/N frowns. “I haven’t done this a lot, but mine came back with a lot worse last time.”

“Paul is strong. One of the strongest in the pack.” Looking around carefully, she leans in and whispers. “Don’t tell Jared I said that.”

Pressing the tip of her thumb and pointer finger, she runs them over her lips and locks them before throwing away the imaginary key over her right shoulder.

“Does the worry and constant fear fade away?” Placing her hand over her heart, Y/N lets out a shuddered breath. “I don’t think I can survive many more nights like this.”

“It’s always there”, a blonde speaks up. “Just as your love for him is. It’s like a phantom limb.” Shrugging, she manages a small smile as she looks at her hands. “Ever since I met Embry, I’ve felt it. I didn’t know the truth for the first few months of dating and I still felt it.”

She’s stunning. Shaking her head, Y/N suppresses a chuckle in disbelief. All those years ago, Y/N was so certain she’d marry Embry and they’d have a perfect life…like most young girls do. It never occurred to her they’d stop being friends at sixteen, or that their lives would be so different.

This girl is the epitome of beauty – as if the sun itself kissed her hair golden and the skies reflect in her eyes. She’s all Y/N never was nor can be. It’s silly, but the teenage girl that harbored those feelings for Embry is genuinely stumped at how dumb her crush was when this is his type.

“Embry never told me he imprinted.” Y/N admits.

“I’m Daisy.” Her eyes lighten up. “I’ve heard so much about you. Feels like I know you already!” It doesn’t look like she knows Y/N’s history with Embry and Y/N has no plans on changing that. Stirring drama isn’t good for anyone involved.

“I look forward getting to know you.” Y/N offers a friendly smile and for once, she means it. She can’t help but look around the room.

Next, she met Claire – Quil’s imprint. She’s still in high school and they’re friends. She’s dating her best friend – Andrea, who is also present.

The other girls were rather young as well, imprints of those who joined the pack as mere children at a time when vampires were frequent in the area.

They told her about Leah and Owen who live in Los Angeles, and of their daughter who is starting kindergarten.

Seth is one of the rare wolves who has yet to imprint on anyone, or so they said.

“What about Jacob?” Y/N furrows her eyebrows, confused. “You said almost everyone has an imprint. Does Jacob?”

Emily clears her throat. “He does.”

“Oh”, escapes her. She didn’t know if she was more hurt about the fact he didn’t tell her himself or about the way he talked to her as if he was interested in starting a romantic relationship with her when he came back.

Sure, not all imprints are romantic, Claire and Quil aren’t, but she didn’t believe Jacob would be able to resist a connection like that. It’s cosmic, all consuming. At least it is for her. So what happened to have him acting the way he did with her?

Before she can ask for details, the door opens and in an instant the room is overcome with joy. She watched as the girls leapt from their seats and into the arms of their loved ones. Emily kissed Sam, Claire and Andrea embraced Quil, Daisy nearly knocked Embry over as she jumped from the couch and straight into his chest.

Lips parting, she grips the hem of her skirt as Paul moves past Sam and pauses in front of the coffee table. Shirtless, the muscles on his chest move up and down as his breathing quickens at the sight of his imprint.

She’s curled in a chair, her hands shaking as she grips the hem of her skirt, pulling it down to make sure she’s appropriately covered. Her eyes are glossy, tied to him as if he’s the anchor she desperately needs to hold on to. His eyes flicker to the quivering chin and it’s enough for him to smile – she cares. Moving to her side, he falls to her knees before her.

Most would assume she’s indifferent, but they’d be blind. She’s tired, fighting tears and likely can’t even feel her legs to actually stand and run to his arms and he can feel it in his heart and soul that’s what she wanted to do. He didn’t need her to do that, he didn’t even see it worthy of a second thought. All he wants is to hold her hand and remind her he’s there – that he always will be.

And that’s exactly what he does.

The moment the palm of his hand rests over her pale knuckles, her hands relax and without a moment to waste, Y/N’s arms are wrapped around him, her face hiding in the crook of his neck.

“It’s okay”, he whispers as he pulls her closer and lifts her up only to sit in her place, allowing her to remain in his lap, wrapped around him. “I’m here, dove. I’m here.”

“I hate that nickname”, she reminds him meekly and he can’t help but chuckle.

“Might grow on you”, he insists.

“You know, we are here too?! We deserve a hug, don’t we?” Embry exclaims, earning himself a middle finger from Paul.

“Oh, nice! Real mature!” Jacob remarks.

Inhaling sharply, Y/N pulls herself away just enough to rest her temple on Paul’s shoulder. “As mature as neither of you telling me you’ve imprinted”, she sasses back and Embry glances at Daisy nervously.

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“I’ve already been pushed off a cliff and into the ocean of madness you’ve got going on here. Meeting your soulmates would be a vacation compared to everything else”, she deadpans. “And Daisy is pretty amazing.”

“I know, right?!” Embry smirks as he pulls Daisy into a half embrace.

Raising her brows, she looks to Jacob. “And where’s yours?”

“Probably best we leave that for later”, Paul warns her gently.

“Why? What could be worse than Quil imprinting on a little girl?”

“Hey!” Quil pipes up.

“Well, she’s right”, Claire remarks and he quiets down.

“A newborn”, Seth spills the beans instead.

Wide eyes, she looks to Jacob. “No frickin’ way.”

“Mhmm”, Jared laughs. “Bella’s one minute old vampire baby!”

Opening her mouth to speak, Y/N stares at Jacob without a single word leaving her lips.

“Oh, come on! I didn’t exactly have a choice!” He reminds everyone. “If I did, I’d have imprinted on you!” Jacob points at Y/N.

Gripping her hip tighter, Paul narrows his eyes at Jacob. “Better watch that finger as well as your mouth, Jake.”

Tapping Paul’s shoulder, Y/N pecks his cheek. “We should probably go before you decide to eat Jacob for dinner.”

“He can try”, Jacob snorts, further angering Paul.

Realizing he’s shaking, Y/N swallows thickly. Placing her hand on his cheek, she turns his head to look at her.

The anger is burning in his eyes like a bonfire, spreading through his veins like a forest fire and yet, the moment she presses her lips against his, it’s as if a wave has washed over him, putting the fire out instantly.

It doesn’t take long for him to return the kiss, pulling Y/N closer until they can hardly breathe.

“WE CAN SEE YOU”, Seth reminds them, causing Y/N to laugh and pull away sheepishly.

“Thanks a lot, Seth”, Paul grimaces.

“What? I’d rather not barf the delicious cupcake I just had!”

And though the night didn’t quite end the way Y/N planned, she enjoyed the dinner they shared as a big family. She enjoyed hearing their stories and while some scared her to the core, being with Paul helped her heartbeat calm to a reasonable pace.

“You do realize I’m wearing an extremely sexy pair of red, lacy panties and a matching bra?” She whispers in his ear as the rest of them all seemed to be lost in their own conversations.

“Heard that”, Quil whines.

Throwing her head back, Y/N groans. “Get up”, she orders Paul who chuckles and raises his hands in mock surrender.

“There is no way I’m going anywhere with you.”

With hands on her hips and raised eyebrows, she looks at Paul. “Do you prefer everyone here hearing all the dirty things I’d do to you, or would you rather have me skip theory and go straight to a practical approach?”

Paul hisses, “Temptress!”

“3”, she begins.

“What?”

“2”, she places a hand on her zipper and his eyes widen.

Jumping to his feet, he looks at the amused looks from his brothers in shock. “This is why I never wanted an imprint!”

Raising a brow, she takes a step back. “Excuse me?!”

Embry explodes with laughter, while Quil exclaims. “I GET YOUR HOUSE WHEN SHE KILLS YOU!”

“Not that I regret it”, Paul tries to coerce her to smile, but her eyes narrow at him. 

“Sure”, she swallows thickly. “You’re right. Stay here.” Turning on her heel, she waves at everyone. “And I’m going home. Enjoy your night everyone.”

Watching her walk away in confusion, Paul rubs his forehead.

“What the fuck did I even do?”

“You basically told her that you didn’t want to imprint”, Daisy exclaims. “Which translates to: I didn’t want to be with you, but I am because a magic bond has made sure I can’t leave.”

Huffing, he shakes his head. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re a bigger idiot for standing there instead of running after her.”

“I was gonna!” Paul insists. “Just needed to know what to apologize for.”

Shaking his head, Jacob grimaces. “And this is the part where you run after her!”

“RIGHT”

_______________________

Tags: @the-chaotic-cow @xxxjaexxx @captainrogers-19 @bexloxl @laehlaluvs @adaydreamaway08 @sunsetevergreen @volturiwolf @twihard08 @galacticstxrdust @sorrow-and-bliss @ireadthensuetheauthors @missxmarvelous @locokoca @unstablekay @makhaia @venusdelaroix @avadakadabra93 @tearsforhan @a-marie-a @lendeluxe @seagulls-corner @jdbxws @kitabestboy @rottenstyx @itsmytimetoodream @dreamerwasfound @avis15 @whatevenisthisname @julia13123 @convolutings @rachelccollier @prvncessvibes @thingfromlove @jennyamanda8 @havecourage-darling@luvr-exe @alittlejudgemental @bugerie @turningtoclown @vikingsheart12 @emptydoorsandpaintedwindows 

A/n - Anyone not tagged has either changed their @ or deactivated their account. If you haven’t and the tag didn’t work for you, let me know. I’d like to apologize for a relatively short chapter after waiting for a while, I’ve been having a lot of personal issues - work, health and especially the overwhelming depressing that’s been trying to win this little war we’ve been having for the past five years. So, I’ll try to be more active and write, but I really can’t make any promises. 

PART 17

#paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote series #twilight #Twilight series #twilight fanfiction #twilight fandom #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #jacob black #embry call #sam uley #Quil Ateara #seth clearwater

[savagebisand]

We need to talk about Boeing...

You cannot fool me JoJo. As fortuitous as I feel to see Mond's gorgeous scheming face on my screen once more, I do not believe for one second he is only going to cause mayhem for TopMew. You may argue SandRay have enough to deal with for now drama wise, Rays journey in rehab, whatever Ray's father asked of Sand, the apartment fight. I will simply say to you my brethren, enough is never enough for JoJo. That beautiful conniving bitch. Love that man.

In the preview we see Boeing is causing issues for Top and Mew. in the words of Taylor it was so nice everyone being friends again. There Mew was giving Top a second chance. buT lo and behold there has been a Boeing a Hoeing around these parts. This was not something Mew was envisioning having to intercept on his merry skip of sweet mercy.

But whatever. Mew is gonna do what Mew gotta do. We need to talk about the Boeing of it all more. He's here and he's ready to stir up chaos. He's diving in balls first baby. Clearly quite happy to be Tops on call emergency fuck service when the insomnia pills just won't do it, this does not surprise me one bit. It makes sense to me he'd compete with Mew for Top. Boeing has always been in some pointless game with himself of becoming Tops priority. Or at least something that Top cannot completely let go of.

What surprises me more is that we aren't seeing more drama for Sand with shitty ex boyfriend of the year back in town right when Sand thinks he can finally be the first choice of someone he has come to love. How is this gonna set him back? After all, Top assured Sand that Boeing and him were long done. If Sand sees them together, it's clearly not the case now. How will he digest that? The mere mention of not being enough for Boeing set Sand off on vengeance is my middle name mode not too long ago. He's never been great at holding Boeing accountable for his part in fucking off with Top and leaving Sand in the dirt.

Because here's the thing. No matter how Sand sees it Boeing was not "stolen", Boeing made a choice. And is seemingly still making that choice, Top to the detriment of his own well being every time without fail. I am so very hopeful that seeing Boeing clinging to Tops scraps of attention again will wake Sand up enough for him to get the closure he needs from his ex being around, leave Boeing fiending after Top and come to the realisation that Boeing would've never been right for him. Never would've put him first the way Ray is at least trying to choose Sand's love right now, choose getting better in rehab even though it'll feel like it nearly fucking kills him for Sand's love.

But on the other hand, with Ray away in a rehab, experiencing relapse and withdrawal and having moments where he switches back to the old cold Ray on his journey to find his best healed self, there leaves room for Sand to feel scared and lonely and doubtful too. Perfect time for someone like Boeing to slink on in and play with those emotions... I just really hope Sand shows us how he's never yielded to anyone like he does for Ray with this messy bitch and doesn't give in to Boeing's flimsiness this time around. I want Sand to get the chance to finally hold Boeing accountable for his part in the downfall of their relationship instead of pinning it all on this rivalry with Top.

#only friends #only friends the series #boeing #sandray #topmew #look i used to only care that sandray made it to endgame now i kinda wanna see topmew make it too #which is a testiment to forcebooks chemistry bc ive been around cheating all my life. ive been cheated on countless times. #ive watched my mum take back her cheating husband multiple times. once a cheat you belong to the streets. #and if you arent on em best believe all the trust is gone never to return to ur relationship if u try again #so ur always gonna fight and get paranoid and nothing will be the same even when it seems good. #but in a way i jsut want mew and sand to tell top and boeing that they deserve each other #and walk tf away from all that smoke for a bit

[how-very-salty]

who is she

Jason J.D. Dean x (??Veronica??)

drabble on song I Monster - Who Is She

drama, loneliness and ambiguous/open ending

____________________________________

J.D. didn't open his eyes when he woke up; that had become a habit of his some time ago. But somehow she still knew he was awake. She stirred, rising from his shoulder and pressing her warm, dry lips to his cheek. She giggled sleepily - it seemed she liked it when he had a little stubble in the morning.

She kissed him gently once more and rose from the bed. JD felt the warmth slip away. His hand twitched to follow her, but he quickly cut the movement off: someday he'd try to keep her in bed a little longer. Someday, but not now.

The sound of her bare feet slapping the floor died away near the windows. The curtains rustled and parted, and his eyelids flushed red from the light spilling into the room.

He hastily squeezed shut and covered his face with his hand.

It started a couple of years ago. The batteries in his player were dead, and J.D. stared boredly at the passengers on the morning subway, making up stories about their lives: the woman next to him was in the middle of a painful divorce, and right now she was trying to figure out how to kill her husband without anyone suspecting a thing. The guy in the rumpled shirt had recently gotten out of prison and taken a job at a toy store so he could at least see his daughter from time to time. The burly man in the back of the car had worked as an executioner in Georgia, but work had become scarce, so he'd moved to New York in search of a better life. And the shaggy nerd with the huge briefcase in the seat across from him was a deep-cover agent working for the Italian Mafia. Maybe even a double agent.

...and then he saw her blurred reflection in the window of the train as it hurtled through the tunnels. He couldn't think of anything - just that maybe one day she would wake up next to him, on the next cushion. He sat two doors away, and she seemed to be getting ready to get off; their eyes crossed, her lips twitching in an sheepish smile. With a rush, J.D. tried to push through the crowd to get to her, but he was just inches away when the doors slammed shut with a thud and the train rolled away, taking him away from her.

And he could only watch as her back disappeared among the hundreds of passengers on the New York subway.

A week later, J.D. saw her again, and he couldn't believe his luck. Meeting her a second time here, in this crowded, bustling city, was like a miracle… But there she was, the mysterious girl from the subway, standing across the street, buying coffee at his favorite coffee shop. Fate had apparently been very unhappy with the outcome of their previous meeting, so she was giving him another chance.

He didn't want to miss it: he should know how fickle fate can be. 

And, as if to prove it, the damn traffic light turned red. J.D. muttered under his breath and darted through the stream of cars, hoping to slip through, but he couldn't: the cars honked furiously and the brakes screeched. At the last moment, he jumped out from under the wheels of the minivan and returned to the crosswalk with a heavy sigh. He didn't want to die, especially now that life seemed to be smiling at him. Nervously fidgeting with his fingers, J.D. could only shift his gaze from the girl to the light and back again, praying to God that it would turn green faster than she would disappear back into the city of many millions.

But the light was merciless to him, and once again he could only watch helplessly as she disappeared into the backs of strangers. Once again.

Since then, he had seen her everywhere: she had become his fatal obsession. She stepped into the next elevator; she boarded the bus for which he was desperately late; she disappeared into the doorway of the store near his house - and instantly vanished into the familiar aisles.

And each time, he missed at least a glimpse of her face by a fraction of a second.

...and then J.D. saw her in the mirror in his bathroom. His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He turned around and, without turning off the water, rushed down the hallway, but as usual, there was no hint of her. But she was there, he caught her reflection in the foggy mirror... he could have sworn he'd seen her!

Since that day, she had taken up residence in his apartment. He heard her humming in the kitchen sometimes, saw her in the reflection of the windows and the strangely curved sides of the glasses. He felt her presence behind him. And in his mind he could not accept the fact that she was just his imagination, a hallucination, an obsession to escape his miserable loneliness. A ghost that lived in the neighborhood and disappeared from direct sight.

But he was willing to swear that she really existed! She was too real to be just a creation of his mind. J.D. knew he wasn't insane: he'd been insane before, and it had felt so different.

He could see her fluffy hair near his shoulder when she rested her head on it, feel their hands lightly touching, catch the faint scent of her cherry perfume in the air. One day he woke up and smelled it on his pillow, and the next night he felt her hot breath on his skin. She came more and more often until she spent every night with him.

J.D. had gotten used to falling asleep with her arms around his strange obsession...

The springs of the old mattress creaked softly. She walked back to the bed and slid her icy feet under his legs. JD froze tensely, trying not to make an extra move so as not to scare her away. So real at night, she always turned back into a ghost during the day... but something was different this time. She snuggled close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. The rhythm of her breathing changed - shorter and faster. She cautiously moved closer and her hot lips pressed against his neck. J.D. reached out blindly and touched her skin with his fingers, trying not to shiver inside: her skin was warm, soft, velvety to the touch.

Real.

The damn alarm clock burst into his morning with a shrill ring, and J.D. opened his eyes - just for a split second! - but it was enough to make her disappear again. His hand fell helplessly onto the empty pillow. He frowned and ran his palm over the pillowcase: it was warm. Was she really here, or was he just fooling himself? Maybe he really had lost his mind and the pillow was just warm from the still warm autumn sun.

J.D. rose from the bed with a heavy sigh. He sighed loudly and rubbed his face with his hands. Something scratched him from inside....when he remembered that the curtains had been closed last night. With a jerk, he turned to the window and opened his eyes wide.

______

if you wanna give me kudos:

#heathers #jason dean #j.d. #heathers fic #ao3fic

[urfavcvnty]

Seeing you again ~

Scenario - You’re bestfriends with madi and she wanted to go out in texas with her friends nick,matt,chris. Wanting to invite you to go with her not knowing chris is you’re highschool ex 😧😜

Warnings 🔞: swearing ig not more tho nd lots of qoutes will be used from movies and shows bc im not a creative person so i steal ideas ✌️

Since madi asked you too get you’re mind off the busy work and stuff you we’re a little stressed you weren’t gonna get anything done but she said not too stressed because im a “quick getting everything done” person. You just put on a simple skims long sleeve top and some blue denim jeans

When you heard a loud honk you knew immediately that it was madi (just pretend everyone has a drivers license) you and madi blasted songs while driving too the restaurant. You guys arrived and we’re searching for the triplets but the thing is you didn’t know who madi was searching for because madi said that you wouldn’t know them. Madi finally found the table and grabbed ur hand and ran right too it.

Wtf

Me and chris both went exchanging dirty looks

“You know eachother?” Madi said confused

“Sadly yes”

I sat next to madi who sat next to nick across matt and i was facing chris

“How funny i dreamed of this exact moment last night” chris said

“Im so flattered that you dreamt of me, haven’t giving you a thought since we broke up” I said

“Really how long was that ago huh like 4 years ago what ur like 17 now” chris said laughing

“I just turned twenty throwing a party this weekend actually” I said

“Great ill bring you a broomstick” chris said serious

“Amazing i’ll send you an invite, you still live a 28 fuckboy lane?” I said returning the same energy

“Wow u remembered you still sleep with boys while being in a relationship?” chris said jokingly

“First of all you know damn well you made that up just so you could break up with me and maybe you should start thinking about changing huh because these looks won’t pull anyone in real life just you’re little hoes from you’re imaginary universe” I said

“Shut up dude you look like a-” chris said with a little anger

Okay get a grip you guys just calm down jesus can’t you guys just be nice for tonight for us” madi said pointing at nick and matt

“Alright let’s get to know each other more.

Im also 20 now ironic isn’t it.” Chris said with a fake smile

“ and i am spectacularly uninterested in knowing anything more about you” y/n said returning a fake smile

“Okay just stfu and eat you’re food chris, y/n what do you wanna order” madi said interupting me

“Ill take the simple burger menu thanks”

Nick wanted to stir up the drama as soon as madi left too go to the restroom

“Ask questions and get too know eachother like not just how are you kinda questions like heavy questions” nick said

“He won’t trust me” i said

“Shoot” i said nodding at him curious for his question

“Okay, how many men have you slept with in these 4 years?” Chris said confidently

“Eight, next” i said grinning

Not going on with a question but just annoyed staring at the window

“I told you” i said looking at nick

“Told him what exactly? That you’re a liar?” Chris said with an annoyed tone

“No that you’re a shit talking fuckboy” i said and just at the time i finished my sentence madi stood next too me ready to leave

“Okay we’re leaving this was not a good idea, have fun with sam and colby but we gotta get going byee’ madi said yanking me off the couch we we’re sitting on

“What do we do now huh not in the mood for work right now” i said calmy not trying too sound angry

We are going clubbing let’s go!!” madi said with fun in her voice

“OKAYYYYY LET’S GET GOING THAN”

And we drank the night away 😜

ALRIGHT THAT WAS IT LMK IF U GUYS WANT MORE STORYS THIS WAS MY FIRST EVERY STORY ALRIGHT SO DON’T COME FOR ME HOPE YOU ENJOYED GOODBYEE

#sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo

[thestrangestthing89]

People I am very suspicious of and do not trust:

Dr. Owens - I think this speaks for itself. He works with Brenner even if they don't always agree. Even though he seems like a decent person (he has morals most of the time unlike Brenner) he still is loyal to the lab above all else and there are clear ties to shady behavior regarding Henry, Will, and El. He knows a lot more than he's letting on. And bringing El straight to her abuser was an unforgivable move imo.

That FBI lady who worked with Owens - The secret agent dudes who were at the Byer's house fall into this category too. Because even though she got Hopper, Joyce, and Murray out of Russia and even though the agents protected Jonathan, Will, and Mike at the house they were still there on Owens orders. And I still think they were there to protect Will and not necessarily for El. That story didn't add up. Will even says they don't seem to be thinking things through, but I think that's because they aren't telling the truth so it just seems like they aren't thinking things through because they are holding back.

Lonnie - This dude is obvious an awful human being. Him and Brenner are the true villains here. There are a lot of unresolved issues here for Will, Jonathan, and Joyce. People I am sort of suspicious of but mainly because I need more information:

Kali - I cannot decide if she is good or bad but I feel like she was waiting for Henry so I lean more towards not trusting her. But she is ambiguous. I am very curious about her backstory and I think this will stir up good drama with El. But I really hope her friends don't join her.

El's Aunt Becky - I realize she helps Joyce and Hopper out in S1 and she helps El in S2. But this whole situation is weird. It seems like Terry is trying to warn El (at least about Kali). But does she work for the lab and is keeping an eye on Terry? Or is she innocent?

Hopper - He's obviously not a bad guy but what was the deal he made with the lab at the end of S1? Because in S2 it seems like his role here is to keep things quiet for them (he says as much to Owens) but that can't be all it is. He seems like he tries very hard to get Joyce to continue to take Will to the lab when she is ready to take him somewhere else. I am suspicious. I think when he traded El for Will at the end of the first season he was put in a really shitty position. He knew Will was dying and he knew El wasn't alone. He deliberately doesn't mention to Brenner that Nancy and Jonathan are at the school too and I think he did that because he was hoping it would be an advantage and would allow them to get El out. El does get away and this results in him searching for her and keeping her away from the lab. All while making sure Joyce is taking Will there for regular check ups with Owens. I don't think he is deliberately trying to hurt anyone. But I do think he has some secrets he probably should have shared a while ago.

Murray - We don't know much about him. He's incredibly paranoid and lives in a bunker. He knows Russian and a lot of info that is convenient. I could honestly see him being a traitor. I don't think he is for the record. But seriously, he could go either way. He could genuinely be a good guy helping out his friends. Or he could be a Russian operative collecting intel on the lab. Or he could work for that branch of the military trying to find El and is keeping an eye on things? Idk. But his lack of backstory makes me suspicious.

Flo - This woman has been quietly working in the police department for years. She knows shit. Don't tell me she hasn't put this whole damn thing together by now. Murray has ranted about a little Russian girl, and Troy was brought in because a bald girl broke his arm with her mind, Aunt Becky was calling looking for Hopper because a girl showed up at her house, a mother found some random girl at the park and she disappeared, Will and El look alike and Hopper was confusing the two in S1, and Joyce calls constantly because something is wrong with Will. Pretty sure she knows Hopper adopted this random Russian girl and is hiding her and Joyce is involved and she's just very tactfully minding her own business.

Henry - Obviously the dude has done some shady shit. However, there is clearly more to this story. I don't trust the version of events he tells Nancy and Brenner's version to El was "cherry picked". Victor also was unintentionally biased. I don't think Henry is necessarily redeemable at this point, but I do think we aren't getting the full story and some of it will likely reveal that he was a victim as much as Will, El, and Kali.

Karen - I always thought she knew way more than she was letting on even back in S1. The theories about her possibly being Alice Creel are interesting. I feel like she knows exactly what Nancy and Mike have been getting into and is worried about them and she's going to have to reveal some info soon.

#byler #gay mike wheeler #stranger things

[lunarsun12]

NCT Dream Family Profile

NCT Family Profile

𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂 𝑱𝒂𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏 ✧

- Married to Jeno, who never pays attention to him (even though Jeno follows him around the house, all the time but is too focused sorting the kids out)

- Has a bad habit of kidnapping children to join his family (still trying to work on it)

- Very blind to his kids bad behaviour

- Is super protective of his children and can be scary but usually very sweet!

- He bestie with Doyoung and Ten, as he likes to listen to tea

- He claims he doesn’t have a favourite child but everyone knows it is Jisung

𝑷𝒂𝒑𝒂 𝑱𝒆𝒏𝒐 ✧

- Married to Jaemin, who always nag him and never pays attention to him

- Plays games most of time (due to fear of dealing with children, as one one of them locked him in the dog house before)

- Intentionally forget to leave the children anywhere, in hopes to get rid of them

- Loves to workout and always unintentionally got people flirting with him

- He has side job working as a delivery man, as someone blow up their bank accounts due to a shopping spree (coughs ten)

- Didn’t I tell you he regrets agreeing to adopt kids with Jaemin. As he thought Jaemin meant fur babies

𝑬𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 - 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒌 ✧

- Dating Yuta

- Moved out a year ago, as he had some suspicions of Yuta cheating on him

- Always ready to help and however can be clueless sometimes

- Doesn’t really engage in his family business, it somehow stresses him out (he get stress of choosing which pair of socks to wear everyday)

- He is bestie with Yeonjun as they met in college. They sometimes grab for soju together, mainly to talk about their love life

- People call him cute and he strongly denies. He tries to act tough and always embarrass himself (once Yuta have to save mark from 5 year children as they were beating him up)

𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 - 𝑹𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒖𝒏 ✧

- One of the helpful ones, unless you wake him up early will get grumpy

- Always on a lookout for Jisung, as he found out Chenle has some very sinister plans against him

- Somehow he always lands himself in drama but also you don’t want to mess with him. I heard he beat down Haechan one time as he touched his perfumes

- The only person which Haechan doesn’t dare annoy

- He extremely close to the WayV household (always come with the excuse to hang out but mainly to play with the cats and dog)

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 - 𝑯𝒂𝒆𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏 ✧

- Former leader of the Honeybear Club

- One the chaotic child, will stir up drama for his own amusement and revenge

- One word of advice, don’t say no to him. No one says no to Haechan, or else hell break loose

- Has not so secret crush in winwin (he has to tone it down due to the police report)

- He sometimes go to the 127 family house, just chill in their mansion as well learning some moves from Johnny

- Bestie with everyone

𝑭𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 - 𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒍𝒆 ✧

- Secretly a millionaire, he managed to open up business at 5 years old and got rich fast

- Trying to find ways to make Jisung goes missing (I think he low-key loves him)

- As well dragging Jisung around to do stuff with him

- He also has pet dog called Daegal, which treasure Daegal with his life. If anyone touches Daegal then RIP

- One of the sassiest kid, which also Haechan doesn’t dare to mess around with. As one time Chenle hired hitmans and nearly got him killed

- There is a rumour he robbed a bank

- Always get forced to go to the wayv house with Renjun. As Jaemin thought it was good idea for Chenle to have friends

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 - 𝑱𝒊𝒔𝒖𝒏𝒈 ✧

- The youngest of the kids

- Confused 24/7 and just follows Chenle anywhere

- Loved by all of the NCT Families (especially doyoung)

- He always has an accident or got lost as he kept on forgetting where to go (thankfully Jaemin has installed a tracker on him, due to an scare that he lost him for good)

- He looks up to his brother Mark

- Somehow he get calls from the police something about noise complaints (they must have mixed up with the other Jisung). Which always leaves him confuse as he always has headphones in

DISCLAIMER

This does not represent the idols real persona and is exaggerated for entertainment purpose. They are non idols in this storyline

#nct au #nct crack #nct 2023 #nct u #nct dream #nctzen #nct reactions #jaemin #lee jeno #chenle #park jisung #mark lee #haechan #mark nct #au #kpop #kpop au

[umbracirrus]

20 Questions for Writers

Tagged by the lovely @thequeenofthewinter to answer some questions, and I will leave an open tag to anyone who wants to answer to feel free to say that I tagged them 💛

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have three, at present - I have posted many a fic to AO3 over the years, but with my current account, just three.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

70,506 at present

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Elder Scrolls at present, though only have Skyrim posted at present - hoping to get something for Oblivion posted soon though! I've also recently dabbled in writing some things for BG3, and also Stardew Valley (though I don't think that any of them will be posted unless I find myself very satisfied with how they end up). Historically, I've delved into and posted Fire Emblem (primarily Awakening/Fates/Three Houses because they were the main games I had played), and even further back (back when I first started writing fanfic when I was about 12/13! I just realised I've been writing fanfic for half my life writing that out!) Pokemon.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

As I only have three fics posted on AO3, I can only do them, but in order: 1. The Perfect Storm (it's my main and longest fic to date, so unsurprising) with 117 kudos 2. Purity (a Vilkas/Dragonborn oneshot) with 17 kudos 3. Seeking the Sun (prequel to The Perfect Storm which I started on after it!) with a mere 2 kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Where I can string together a coherent thought, and if I remember (and I am terrible at remembering!) I try to!! But I do read every single one, even if I don't remember to respond.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Now, as I haven't finished any fics (as of yet) beyond a few oneshots, I will have to base my answer on some plans for the few fics which I have planned out, and I believe that the story with my Hero of Kvatch Aelia is most likely to have the angstiest ending. She throws away her entire support network, including friends and family, to wallow in her misery and grief in the Shivering Isles, descending into madness, because all she wants to do is bring Martin back.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I really want it to be The Perfect Storm! I haven't planned out the ending for it yet, but I want it to be happy. However, I shall delight in stirring the pot and make Elyse and Balgruuf work for that happy ending, you hear? 😂

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? The closest thing to that which I got was being told that my writing was 'too dramatic'... Shame that I love writing me some drama. Dramatics can be taken from my cold, dead hands.

9. Do you write smut?

Yeah, though I don't think that I've posted any of it yet.... I still need to actually finish the smut which I was writing for my birthday. My birthday which was over a month ago. Ooops.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope. I just don't really like them. It's something I've always got to filter out when reading fics.... The closest I'd get to writing a crossover is, say, references to stuff from Oblivion in a Skyrim fic? But would that technically even be a crossover, if they're both Elder Scrolls? Though they are separate games....

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, no, not that I know of...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Does it count if I tried co-writing a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fic with a self-insert shiny Eevee with a ff.net friend when I was like 13 that we never posted???? If not, no!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly... I think it might be the fic based around Elyse's parents, Ingja and Edwyn, which I've only posted the first chapter to here on Tumblr. I know their story - it's all very firmly in my head, and is set to be referred to across Seeking the Sun and The Perfect Storm, but I simply don't think that I would be able to finish it... Plus I like keeping Edwyn's fate very vague. Though Ingja dies, because Elyse will meet her in Sovngarde when she goes to fight Alduin, what happens to Edwyn I've left ambiguous, hence why I don't think I would be able to finish it. He simply leaves one day and after sending Elyse a handful of letters he disappears. It gives me opportunity to maybe bring him in at some point down the line in The Perfect Storm... I kinda want to write a scenario where Balgruuf meets Edwyn now. Damn.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd like to say dialogue. I don't like putting dialogue into a fic unless I can mentally hear the line in the character's voice, if that makes any sense? If I can't hear it, or can't imagine a character saying it, I won't include it. But in addition to that, a lot of my scene-building and whatnot comes from using dialogue as a baseline. Obviously there are times where that isn't the case, but I do love writing little conversations to push a scene along.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I do believe that just as it is a strength, dialogue is also a weakness! Sometimes, I find myself over-relying on dialogue simply to 'fill space'. Where something like non-verbal communication, or environmental descriptions or even a change of scene would fit better, I'll just throw in some dialogue in the same way that I add cheese to meals - in overabundance! In addition, I would say that finding a way to bridge scenes together is another weakness of mine. I can have a chapter mostly complete, but without that one last bridging moment - often simply a sentence or paragraph or two which can join two scenes together - I simply cannot bring myself into completing it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue on another language in a fic?

Now, in terms of reading it, I find it really cool as long as some sort of way to translate it is available! In that vein, I do sometimes use some of the dragon language in my fics - mostly when a dragonborn is communicating with Paarthurnax or Odahviing - and I'll have a full list of translations to include in the end notes. On that note, I swear that I have https://www.thuum.org/ open in a separate tab almost constantly when I'm writing just in case!!! I've always found that most useful when trying to include the dragon language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

That'd probably have to be for Pokemon Ranger Guardian Signs, though none of those fics were ever typed up (I think???). I still remember excitedly pulling the odd page from school exercise books to staple together whilst scavenging for pens to write me some more Pokemon Ranger fanfic.......

20. Favourite fic you've written?

The Perfect Storm, absolutely. Though I do sometimes think of going back to work on/improve some of my earlier chapters in the fic, in particular surrounding Elyse's experience in Windhelm because I'm not as in love with that as I once was. My love for Balgruuf (and Elyse, and the two of them together!) fuels my love, favouritism, and bias towards the fic.

#meg is rambling

[autumn-sweet-fae]

Honest question, does the 'Emmet is Dawns father' rumor ever die down? 'Cause unfortunately I can kinda see how that could be potentially damaging if it keeps going on for too long.

Emmet's not the kind of person who would sway at random rumors normally, but to be at the forefront of a LOT of media bashing and harmful conspiracies for years before Ingo came back could cause him a lot more mental/emotional distress than it normally would've in the past if people just...don't let up.

Maybe I'm too empathetic but to be accused of having neglecting a kid for so long when you've never even had romantic feelings for anyone in your life, never mind having a whole relationship with some random woman just feels...kinda gross ngl.

I can unfortunately see that if the rumor get really persistent Emmet could involuntarily distance and close in on himself. At that point its just an ingrained defense mechanism to the backlash of misguided angry people who want 'justice' when he didn't do anything wrong.

And from Dawn's perspective, it was funny at first, but then people start taking it way too seriously telling her to turn on her 'Dad' and 'make him feel sorry for all of the years of neglect and abandonment' from him. And getting unsolicited comments/messages of 'if he hurts you and your mom again lets us know and we'll get his a**' from people who mean well but of course don't get its just a joke at that point.

I'm just saying its a meme that could get really twisted really easily, and I'm only hoping it doesn't get to that point in the AU 'cause I think Emmet's been through enough.

I can assure you that once it’s clear that Akari is in fact Dawn then the absent father dad theory absolutely dies down to fringe theory/meme statues.

Anyone with two brain cells to rub together would do the basic maths of 29 - 14 = 15. So even if there are still people who genuinely believe Akari to be his daughter, no one could blame a 15 year old, an actual child, from backing out of fatherhood. If he even knew of Akari’s existence, supposedly. 

The only reason the theory ever got any real traction in the first place was because no knew who Akari was or how old she was. She’s about 5’1/155cm so guesses ranged from 11-16 with the daughter theorist leaning more on the younger side.

At some point a kid challenger legit ask Akari her age, cause that’s one of the top five questions kids always ask new people, and Akari, unaware of her actual age, says 16. Because Captain Cyllene guessed her age to be 15 about a year ago, so logically she should be 16 by now right? (She’s currently 14, she just looked very healthy and well fed at 13 compared to a hisuian 13 year old so it was an easy mistake to make)

Once her alleged age of 16 is publicly known all the daughter rumors die down pretty quickly. No one believes Emmet had at kid a 13. Anyone who tries to ask at this time would get a blunt “I am 29.” And that would usually shut them up.

There would be a small bump in the theory’s popularity once Akari’s identity as Dawn is revealed, but by this point it’s largely just a meme. Most folks who still claim it must be true are either grasping at straws or just trying to stir up drama for attention.

Johanna would also absolutely shut those rumors down very quick. First stating that no, Emmet is absolutely not Akari’s father, and then full on scolding anyone who persist in this speculation. Johann had Akari fairly young but not 15 young. I put her at 2 and a half years older then the twins, so to insist that she had her daughter with someone that young when she was nearly 18 is down right damaging and insulting to her reputation. Also any speculation at all into her personal life at that time is none of anyones business and Dawns father is simply not in the picture and that is that.

After that scathing interview with Ms. Johnna the theory is functionally dead, only popping up as memes or in tabloids.

As for how Emmet handled it during its unfolding, he reaches a point where he honestly had to laugh. Because it’s just so outlandish to him and anyone who personally knows him. Like no one who knows him believed for a second that the rumors were true. Drayden shut down anyone who asked him, Iris laughed in the face of an interviewer, and of course Elesa has her own brand of chaos in how she handles anyone trying to push ridiculous rumors. 

Also, in the months following Ingo and Akari’s return, Emmet does honestly come to see Akari as his family. So Emmet being Akari’s dad is seen more as a family joke in the years to come and never becomes a serious issue. Also anyone with eyes would see that Ingo is the one who just radiates the fatherly vides around Akari. Emmet is solidly the Uncle of this relationship.

#submas wanted au #Emmet #Akari #Ingo #submas #johanna

[danpuff-ao3]

A year ago today, I got myself out of a bad situation. Which calls for celebration, don't you think?

I won't name names or go into heavy detail, because I'm not here to stir drama. I have no interest in inviting conflict into my life, after working so hard to escape it.

But this was a big part of my journey.

I spent a lot of time in one very specific fandom, centered around a BNF. I was overwhelmed, and miserable. People I thought were my friends villainized me. Weaponized my feelings against me. Turned on me, because I didn't agree with them. That space was a BNF echo chamber, and dissent was treason.

I am cursed with loyalty and stubbornness to worrying degrees. I don't let go of anything easily. A Taurus, a Hufflepuff, in the worst of ways. I stayed in a bad situation for a very long time. I put a lot of time and effort trying to mend a problem that no one else saw, let alone wanted to fix.

I had panic attacks often. I would sit at my keyboard trembling with dread. I would sit under my desk and cry. I shed so many tears over these people.

Leaving that space was the hardest thing I ever did. Love and fear stayed my hand many times. But I was pushed well past my breaking point by the end. I left in the early hours of morning, while most people slumbered. I shook the entire time. And when the deed was done, a great weight lifted off my shoulders, and all I felt was relief.

Today is a day of many conflicting emotions. Lingering hurt, and guilt. Lingering thoughts of "what if?" If only I'd done more, tried harder, stayed longer, things might be different. But I choose to focus on pride. Being proud that I found enough self-worth and self-love to leave. Proud that I had the strength to get out, however scary it was, however hard it was. Proud of how far I've come since then.

And today, I think it's important to let you know a few things:

You do not owe creators comments, or any feedback. They're nice to give, but they are not owed.

You do not owe creators adulation, or worship, however skilled they are.

You are not required to agree with everything a skilled or popular creator does, says, thinks or feels. It's good to remember that they are as human as the rest of us.

Other people are not bad or wrong for disagreeing with a creator you like.

Other people are not bad or wrong for not liking a creator you like.

It is not okay to mob, or otherwise attack people in "defense" of your favorite creator.

Fandom was built on love, joy, and fun. If you're more miserable than happy, leave.

No person or community is owed your loyalty. It is okay to walk away from people and spaces that are making you uncomfortable, or are hurting you.

Curate your experience. Block tags, block people, block whatever you need to. Real life is hard enough; fandom shouldn't have to be.

You are just as important as everyone else in fandom. You are just as important as people you see as more talented, more popular, more charming, more whatever you see them as. You are just as important as people with more followers, more friends. You are just as important as big names. You deserve respect, and decency, the same as everyone else.

There is no shame in taking care of yourself. Stop reading. Stop commenting. Stop writing. Stop interacting. Take a break. Never return. Change direction. Set boundaries. Make new friends. Explore new places. Pick up new hobbies. Whatever you need to do. You matter. Taking care of yourself is important, whatever that looks like.

Other people matter, too. Be kind.

Though I'm speaking out a bit, I still live with a lot of fear, which is why reblogs are turned off. My old community is not above dragging people through the mud by name. Since I refuse to stoop to that level, I do ask that if anyone from there finds this, please leave me be. You can continue to talk about me behind my back, that's fine, but I don't want vitriol in my inbox. If you want to reach out and talk and not mention how awful I am, that would be fine.

I worked hard for the peace I have. I hope others can respect that. And I hope anyone that needs the encouragement to stand up for themselves, if anyone needs to be told they can get out, I hope this helps. You don't have to suffer. You don't have to "put up with it." If you feel stuck, if you feel alone, you don't have to be. Fandom is a big place. There are people out there and places out there that are right for you.

If you are in a bad situation, and you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open. Take care of yourselves, please!

#personal #mental health #self care #fandom #community #long post

[moonrisenmuses]

Still working on making my sideblogs look pretty but… I just wanted to take a moment to really throw some positivity out there. But also TW for mentions of past RPC drama ( no names ), and mental health, breakups, death of a family member, family toxicity and general personal irl issues etc.

This turned long so I’m just gonna post the positivity shoutouts separately from this I think so I don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

Autumn is my favourite season as some of you might know based on how often I have my muses gush about it being their fave too. I always put little pieces of myself in my muses, it could be something as mundane as their favourite colour or a book they read, or as big as personal inspiration from real life events that happened to me, usually the former. It helps me feel closer to them. But Autumn is also a really hard time for me, for a lot of reasons. For one it’s the anniversary of a really bad time in my life from when I was 18 and I tried to do something and ended up ( voluntarily ) in the hospital for my own safety. But it’s also around the time my Pop’s health took a turn for the worst ( the Autumn before that, when I was 17 - he passed in January, nine months before the hospital incident ) before he passed away, and my home life had turned really toxic around that time as people were already preparing to lose him and tension was high. I was that teen who’s mom was more nurturing than strict and certain people in my family disagreed with her parenting style being rather gentle die or my being neurodivergent.

Anyway, because of that, October is already especially hard for me even though it’s my favourite month hands down. Then a few years ago I got into a relationship with someone a lot younger than me who I’d met online and I’ll be honest, I really really loved and cared about them. To the point I let it blind me to their faults. They always talked me into joining whatever fandom they were into at the moment and while I was sad to leave so many fun fandoms, I either ignored or didn’t notice the fact that many of the ones we left was because of drama. Drama that followed them from their past or drama that they started because they couldn’t leave well enough alone. If someone didn’t like them, or blocked them, added them to a DNI or kept tabs on them for their own comfort, they had to know why. They had to clear their name. They got hate, which they didn’t deserve, but they also made no effort to actually avoid stirring the pot.

I… did things I’m not proud of. Because I loved them and I ignored red flags because I saw them as a victim like me, as I’d been bullied all through my school years. I figured being the older one I could protect them. But I got hurt instead. It’s not their fault, not entirely. The tension kept building between us for months. I wanted to move countries to be with them eventually so I was working extra hard to try to make money. And with the different time zones I was running myself ragged. I think they felt like I was ignoring them or that they needed to ship certain things or prioritize me in our RP to keep my interest. That wasn’t the case but looking back… we were both very immature and had rose coloured glasses on. I wanted so badly to seem like I had it all figured out when the truth was, I felt like I was drowning and Autumn being when my depression hits most was the final nail in the coffin. In the end the drama wasn’t what broke us up, it was me realizing I’d become afraid of making them unhappy because I didn’t want to face the fallout. Them going dark, not replying to messages, worrying they might do something and me being on another continent I couldn’t help. I couldn’t be someone else’s mental support when I barely had a proper grip on my own, if that makes sense. You can’t pour water from an empty jug and you can’t throw a life preserver when you’re in the water with the person that’s drowning, I couldn’t help us both. Eventually I had to pick. And as selfish as I felt at the time, choosing me felt kinder than continuing on knowing I would eventually burn out and resent them for it.

It was so hard, but I had to end it for my own sake. What was supposed to be a temporary breakup turned permanent and I honestly think it was the best thing for us both. Things are still awkward, we don’t really talk anymore but from what I understand they left Tumblr and have been doing well for themselves. They’re happier at least. I’m healing. I think I’ll always mourn them because whether we ever met in person or not, they were the first person I developed deep romantic feelings for beyond a crush. I loved them. Part of me always will.

When I came back to the BSD fandom I was scared. So many people had left, new people had come, and I was full of insecurity about my writing. Am I a good writer? Are my characters hollow clichés? Do I write too much smut and gross people out? Am I annoying? But coming back here was so easy. It felt like coming home. Asagiri does such a phenomenal job at portraying mental health without even explicitly showing it that it’s honestly stunning. The way no one has to say outright ‘Dazai has depression’ or ‘Atsushi is suffering from PTSD, anxiety and crippling lay low self esteem due to his upbringing’ or even ‘Dazai, Kyouka, Yosano, Higuchi and Akutagawa are all victims of a toxic cycle of abuse started by Mori’, or even the way queer relationships ( whether you view them as platonic or not ) between men are integral to the most important bonds in the franchise.

I can’t tell if this is a vent post or not anymore, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like things I needed to say because I know I kinda vanished from the BSD RPC a few years ago without a word to anyone and those who were there probably know some of what happened but I guess what I wanted to say is… thanks to everybody who readily accepted me back with open arms as if I’d never left? You all mean so much to me. I can’t really say enough how much coming back here has improved my mental health. I’m actually reading again! And not just fanfics! Not that there’s anything wrong with that but like… I’ve got al the light novels on my shelf right now and some of the manga. I’ve got works by Nakahara C., Dazai, Rimbaud, Verlaine and more that I’ve been steadily going through, and it’s done so much good for me. I truly haven’t felt this accepted or wanted in a fandom since 2019 when I was still in the Marvel RPC before it kinda broke down over increasingly bad decisions in the Marvel cinematic universe lol.

But that’s enough of the crying boo boo stuff. Here’s the point I wanted to actually make from the beginning:

Anyone can change. Sometimes friendships ( or relationships ) don’t last and it feels like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Sometimes who you thought you were at 24 couldn’t be further from the truth at 27. You can love someone but not be right for them. We all have bias that can be hard to let go of. But most importantly… life is too short to always be sad about things you can’t control. I can’t help that I have depression and ADHD, I can’t bring my Pop back or make certain family members love me or respect me.

But I can go to a place where I feel loved and appreciated. I can choose my friends and the people I share my heart with. I’d like to send some love to a few of those people now, so here they are, hope you all don’t mind the tags, this was entirely off of the top of my head. Post incoming.

#this turned into Diary of an Anxious Bitch lol #I don’t usually do emotional dumps OOC like this because despite how I may seem I’m actually very shy and self conscious #but I just wanted to sort of explain why I tend to disappear for weeks on time #especially around this time of year #{ Mun Shit } #Drama // #Vent // #Death // #Breakups // #Emotional Abuse // #Mental Illness // #Depression // #Hospital Mention // #Implied Suicide //

[childofaura]

I’m just geniunely curious tho and I don’t want to sound insensitive or bring up bad memories by accident but…

What did Alejandro Saab do that make you dislike him?

No no no, it's not insensitive or anything at all; I've honestly always been vague about it so I really don't blame anyone for wondering why I'm not a fan of him anymore. The sad thing is that I lean more towards being disappointed in him rather than loathing him like Monica Rial or Chris Sabat. So I'll break everything down, but strap into your seats because there's a LOT of context and stuff I have to explain.

But also let me clarify first: I honestly hope people don't feel like they need to stop liking an actor just based on someone else's opinions. I have a very close friend who usually watches English dubs and loves Chris's work as All Might, and if I ever had an opportunity I'd honestly swallow my pride and get in line to get something of hers autographed. So I want other people to know I hold nothing against them liking an actor or their performance, regardless of how I feel.

So to get to the beginning of it, a few years ago there was the whole drama with actors stepping down from roles (or being demanded to step down from roles in some cases) like Cleveland from Family Guy, or Apu from The Simpsons, etc, for not matching the race of the characters they've played. I know it'll stir up some discourse, but I personally believe ANYONE should play ANYONE based on the merits of their voice fitting the character. This is regardless of age, gender, and (the big one) race. Because voice acting was revolutionary in the sense that it does NOT matter what you look like, it matters what you SOUND like. So I honestly don't care about the race or gender or WHATEVER of an actor. Just as long as they sound GOOD.

During this drama, people were using examples of actors playing outside their physical appearance and one of them was Phil Lamarr. And unfortunately, Phil Lamarr went on a mini-tirade on Twitter telling people not to use him as an example of him playing white characters because it wasn't the same (while being not-so-oddly quiet about the fact that he played a Japanese man (Samurai Jack) and a man strongly based in South American culture (Kotal Kahn)), and to "get my fucking name out of your mouth". At which to this tweet, I saw Alejandro Saab tweet in response, "Preach!" Nothing super scandalous or even dickish. That was all he said.

But it was SUPER hypocritical. Because barely even a month earlier, Alejandro Saab released a video on how he was cast to play Leon in the Pokemon anime and how excited he was, which I think was great and I was happy for him! But then here he was, coming in and trying to pretend like he agreed that white actors shouldn't be playing characters of other races.

So I kind of confronted him on that (And sorry, I censored my Twitter because honestly I don't like having a lot of followers on Twitter, I just have it to see my friend's artwork):

My intention wasn't to pull some kind of "gotcha" on him or gain some kind of clout, but I really wanted him to understand why agreeing with that mentality would just come back to bite him, and a bunch of other actors in the same boat, in the asses.

And unfortunately I only have my tweets, not his, because maybe thirty minutes after I posted that to him, he deleted his tweet. And I didn't want that, either, but after that whole thing happened, I was just incredibly disappointed with him. Again, since he deleted his tweet, I absolutely understand people taking this whole thing with a grain of salt because all I have are MY tweets. But again, it wasn't like he said some horrible thing, it was just hypocritical of him to be cheering for an opinion that should have also applied to him.

So yeah, I kind of ended up losing a lot of respect for him. I still think he's a great and talented actor, but I take that opinion of voice acting (Play whoever you fit as) VERY seriously. I apologize for the big wall of text and I understand it's an issue a lot of people will probably disagree with me for.

#discourse #Like yes I WILL say I do think that casting directors should somewhat make an effort to look for VAs who match a role #But sometimes and ESPECIALLY in comedy shows like Family Guy or South Park or Venture Bros or Smiling Friends and so on and so forth #You want to find a voice that FITS a character #Not just in comedy shows but in general: When a voice fits and it's just so fucking perfect it's just like *mwah*

[lettersfromxadia]

Since I’ve gotten a few asks about this I’ve elected to ignore, I want to address it publicly here.

Please, stop asking me about “what happened” and trying to stir up the old fandom drama. I made a formal apology for what I did wrong, it was two years ago, and all parties have moved on and are much happier for it. I know the other parties involved would agree with me, because I have personally reached out with my formal apology, which they accepted and agreed to stay blocked and move on. All is content now.

I don’t even have the same views as I did back then, or am the remotely same person. I was highly brainwashed by my family as well, though that is a reason and NOT and excuse. In fact, there are many reasons why I acted out the way I did— out of hurt from the abuse (which lead me to be abusive and emotionally manipulative myself), out of desperation— all of which are reasons in an emotional and “cause and effect” sense but NONE of which are excuses. That’s why I’ve apologized profusely.

It’s over. The only reason I’m mentioning anything happened is because people seem to want to dredge up old discourse (it’s almost like you WANT fandom drama), and I have a lot of new followers with season 4 on the horizon. If everyone complies this will be the last you hear of it, but if needed I will make the same plea to move on again.

Do I wish I wasn’t blocked by certain people and that people were forgiving/ empathetic? Of course. Do I deserve their forgiveness? No (the “opposing parties” in the discourse are not examples of this— I am perfectly content being blocked by them). Heck, my favorite fandom artist of all time understandably blocked me after everything. That’s a deep regret that I have, but that’s also a consequence of my actions I’m willing to live with.

*this is in the tags, but the next paragraph mentions suicidal ideation, so be warned*

The fact of the matter is, nobody knows the full story or both sides/ everything that happened— which stretched across multiple social media platforms and involved death threats against all of us (which I would never wish on anyone), doxxing, hacking, and more. I became suicidal again and in desperation used that to try and emotionally manipulate the fandom into pity. It was, for lack of a more eloquent term, a hot mess.

I’ve learned/ grown a lot, and I know my heart. Even the people I got into discourse with, through all of our differences, have said they don’t believe I’m deep down a bad person. We’re just better off parted ways. And that is fine— I made amazing new friends who supported me through all of this, even through my bad actions and when they had to call me out for them.

All discourse posts on my end beyond the apology should be taken down, and if not are still under the #tdptherapy #tdp therapy tags, if you don’t want to see them. Including this post. If something isn’t deleted that should be in this regard, please let me know and I will find it in my mass post editor and remedy that. If you have me blocked and want to read my apology cause you couldn’t see it, or just want to read my apology in general, DM me and I will send it to you (you might have to temporarily unblock to do so, so if you’re uncomfortable with that I entirely understand and can send screenshots to a mutual). It goes into more detail about exactly what I did, all of which I am happy to own up to.

Please, let us all move on in peace and let this reach the fandom at large— we don’t want discourse. Not with a special new season only days away. As my pinned states, let’s make it a narrative of love. This fandom deserves that.

#the dragon prince #dragon prince #tdp #tdp therapy #tdptherapy #netflix #netflix series #letters from xadia

[paunchsalazar]

Hi! I just saw ur year-end reading post and congrats on completing so many this year! I read some books that you recommended in a post a while ago and I loved them so I was wondering if you had any favorites from this year? Happy new year🎉

waaa thank you!!!

I would say these were my top 10, just in terms of my own personal enjoyment!! this time with elevator pitch descriptions...

Oh William! by Elizabeth Strout

A story told by Lucy Barton, a retirement -age writer, and her first husband, William. It is about them as much as it is everyone they know…. I think it is about important people in our lives and what it means to know anyone at any given moment. 

She has a very distinct voice. Very readable and lived in.. she has written as this character many times, this one was on the Booker shortlist.

Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin

A coming of age of sorts, set in late 80’s Taipei and told by an unnamed lesbian narrator. It covers her years at university - she makes new friends, cuts off and reconnects with her first love, gets mixed in with the drama of those around her, and figures herself out a little more along the way.

written in vignettes, diary entries, exegesis, and scene descriptions - JUMP CUT TO - particularly enjoyed the last move and haven’

Ouran High School Host Club by Bisco Hatori (all the way through, but particularly the volumes 9-18!)

I could go on... but if you've already seen the show I still really really really really worth reading all the way to the end!! It's a love story that sneaks up on the reader along with our protagonist, but above all it's about friendship... trying new things, putting yourself out there, and taking the time to get to know people... even annoying rich boys!

Lie to Me by Philippe Besson

A chance encounter with a man who looks just like his first love sends a successful writer back twenty some years as he recalls falling in love with another boy in his last year of high school. 

This books plays with memoir and fiction, how much of this is a writer’s fancy? How much is nostalgia? How much of it is a lie?

Uncomfortably Happily by Yeon-sik Hong

An autobiographical comic about a young couple that moves to the countryside to get away from life in the city. It's a struggle, but they have each other to keep from going stir crazy and to stay warm for the winter. Really funny creative cartooning, I also love his Umma's Table (about moving away from his aging parents and the place his mother's cooking holds in his life, made me cry)

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

Non-fiction - a mix of ecology and personal experience, talking about indigenous people and nature, working together rather than against it, and using our resources in healthier, better-rounded ways

The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice

The sequel to Interview with the Vampire - this time Lestat steals the mic and tells the story of his life. It’s as indulgent and dramatic and beautiful as he is... and oddly charming? Rice has a way of painting a picture so detailed that it comes alive!

M Train by Patti Smith

An ambling sort of book, writing about not knowing what to write, sitting in coffee shops, traveling around the world... a thoughtful little book, not quite a memoir, not quite a journal... I don't know what to call it! But it made me sit and think...

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

A memoir about Zauner's relationship with her mother and grieving her after she dies from cancer in her daughter's 25th year.

No Home by Wanan (ongoing)

please read this webtoon!!!! Haejoon Goh has been misunderstood his whole life, known as the son of the lady who sees ghosts, when his mother passes away, he moves into the school's worn down dormitory - the only other inhabitant, the kid that stole his money and wound up putting him in the hospital... it's about misunderstandings and incomplete impressions, loneliness and companionship... made me laugh, made me weep, maybe one of the best comic reading experiences I've had ever?

honorable mentions

Mr. Palomar by Italo Calvino

Witch Hat Atelier by Kamome Shirahama

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

Talk to My Back by Yamada Murasaki, translated by Ryan Holmberg

Astral Season, Beastly Season by Tahi Saihate, translated by Kalau Almony

Skip and Loafer by Misaki Takamatsu

Breast and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami

#at least for this year!!! #idk!! if there is a particular genre/type you are looking for I can try to think of some!! of course there are so many books in the world..

[nolantalks]

HAVE THERE BEEN ANY NEW DRAMAS?

Nope, I haven’t been in a drama for over eight years now. Some might include what happened 4 years ago when two people decided to try and go hard against me when I’m opened my supernatural group. I wouldn’t since nothing actually came. They just got mad that I was messaging people that either asked to be messaged or their friends told me to message them and see about joining it. Even the group I was on before opening had no drama on it from me, they just didn’t like after their friends attacked me I mentioned how cliquey and disorganized that group was with ever changing lore.

Since then though not even so much as an annoyance from anyone. I’ve been in many groups since 2020, started 3 still running 2 and have been added as staff on two other sites I was a member of. Nothing at all has stirred up outside of heated debates on FNAF lore with a few people here and there.

WHY DO THE KARENS BRING UP TEN YEAR OLD STUFF AS A ‘GOTCHA’ FOR TODAY?

Because that’s really all they got. There has been no new happenings or dramas since I wanna say that shit group Hollow Grove. The fact a lot of them still think I religiously use that guy from the vampire diaries who hasn’t been in any projects for 8 years now and was my ‘mascot’ face claim like 6 face claims ago. That convinced me of that. These people only tune in when my alias comes up with drama attached, any other time they just fuck off and ignore it or just don’t pay attention. Out of it the only have the drama from ATL, WOTNA, and with Raven to pull from. So now they gotta make up that I’m this or that person since their normal ist that and phobe this nonsense doesn’t work anymore since they got no proof of any of it.

It’s just sad and pathetic really. Entertaining a bit especially since I can just pull up screenshots of people admitting to lying, not ever actually saying blah blah, or pinning things on me back then because they were immature and had a hate boner for me at the time. Even now as I type about it today. Many of them have told me it’s ok if I do as they have matured and haven’t been like that or seen those events the same way they did back then for years now. Others say it’s ok since they changed their aliases anyway so it doesn’t matter what ‘that person’ (their old alias) did.

HOW DO THESE OTHERS FEEL BEING TALKED ABOUT AGAIN?

For like 99% of them they don’t care at least the ones I speak to or can reach out to. I know and they admitted that the things that happened I’m taking the heat for, I will always take the heat for even when it was their own actions that caused a lot of the issues and my ignoring them or defending myself may have been justified. Many of them have told me they have received just as many ‘so sorry this is coming up again’ messages as ‘is this what really happened?’ Messages.

No one likes bring up old shit that happened a near decade ago and has no effect on who they are today or how they interact with others and regret choices they made back then. But most of them are happy to either finally admit to it or just say they moved on, forgiveness and understandings were had, and don’t really care about the past.

The only two exceptions are Lianne and G. Lianne is still in the belief she did nothing wrong, I trolled and attacked her, blah blah blah. Even the other people of WOTNA make it clear that she’s seen all the evidence other wise and no one else believes that anymore. She’s just dead set on believing it as if she doesn’t then she has to admit her horrible acts were just because she was a horrible person back then.

G wants no part of it anymore. He admits complaining to Admin M and not talking to me was wrong, that letting her spread her version of what he told her was wrong, and that his abusive actions against me were wrong. But that it was almost 9 years ago now (he recently showed me his old blog that has how many years ago our posts were) he’s different and all that ‘silly stuff’ just needs to be let go of already. Apparently I’m the only person he still talks to from back then as according to him, I’m the only one that wasn’t toxic or obsessed with just ‘screwing each others brains out all day’ he also doesn’t mind me bringing him up as he again has zero intention of returning to tumblr and believes himself to have a possible addiction to roleplay as his drive to post paragraphs within minutes of getting a reply goes on for literally all day everyday. He’s given me permission to post bits of our conversations and tends to post with me on discord where I tell him it’s ok to have me wait, I’m on enough groups and have an indie that men, women and non binary people keep me busy most of the time I’m online.

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three Chapter 23

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 107k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: Only one Xiang remains and her name is Merra. She hopes to unite the land by force and plow down anyone in her way—especially the people of Agni who she deems faithless and the native people of Terra who refuse to cooperate with her.

Raine continues to serve his Lord but he has taken to alcoholism to soothe his grief—a fact he keeps out of his letters with Heidi. Baiya has returned to mercenary work in order to keep his family safe while Kira is on the warpath. He, fully, takes on the title of Chaaya and means to defeat the Xiang he sees as false.

And, in a guarded castle in Enlil, a stir-crazy Princess dabbles in the dark arts, setting in motion something even Tiandi cannot see.

Full chapter 23 under the cut

Chapter XXIII:

The light of the torches flickered and shadows bounced along the sides of the tent, giving Raine something to focus on. It was a futile effort to distract himself. Even without the massive factor of physical pain, his emotional torment was something he could not escape.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could see nothing but Kira’s face. The color, completely stripped away, and black miasma pumping through his veins. He had seen it through his skin. Where any blood had been, it now looked like sludge.

He was sick.

If anyone else had taken in that much miasma, they would have died some time ago. Although, even knowing that Kira was a Chaaya was not enough to ease Raine’s worry.

Just because he could stretch his body to the limits when it came to miasma did not mean there was not a point of no return. And he truly feared Kira had passed that.

His physical state aside, he seemed mentally gone as well. He would not even entertain Raine with conversation and was ready to shut down everything.

It was probably naïve to assume that Kira would, after a year, be willing to sit down and talk but Raine had hoped their time together had meant something.

That he meant something to Kira.

Though, when Raine replayed the encounter in his mind (as he had been doing, practically nonstop), he did notice that Kira’s first course of action was to run rather than fight him. That was probably the only good thing that happened.

Had Kira immediately tried to fight him, he was not sure he could have handled that blow. If Kira had seen him as an enemy instead of reluctantly handling him, Raine was certain he would have shattered.

He was definitely broken, yes, but the pieces in his heart were still next to each other, clinging to form, just with very apparent cracks.

Another crack came but this one was across his back. It was physical and would leave a scar.

Raine held back his urge to hiss in pain as his muscles tensed and fresh blood rose to the surface. The thin wooden cane was pliable yet hard and it cut into his back like a whip every time it was brought down. His hands balled into fists on his knees and he kept his eyes closed for a few moments to try and ground himself.

“Remind me what you did wrong,” Bofu goaded. His voice, Raine swore, became more annoying every time he heard it.

He had tried to give the Kyrie disciple the benefit of the doubt in the beginning, back when he was first forced to take orders from him. The kid was young, probably highly impressionable, and there was no way he could possibly, truly, understand the gravity of his position.

Yet, the more he was around Raine, the less Raine felt anything but contempt for him. His privileged upbringing was evident in all of his words and the way he carried himself. He brought up his elite teaching every chance he had and, often times, used it to value himself higher than others.

It was infuriating.

Raine partly blamed his heavy intake of alcohol on having to deal with him so much.

He clenched his teeth and said, lowly, “I did not bring Kira in.”

“Who?” Bofu raised the cane again.

“The Chaaya,” Raine corrected himself.

“But you did see him.” That was not Bofu but Kubja.

It was not often but, sometimes, Raine was visited by the other disciples as well. Out of the other three, Kubja was the most likely to appear. Merra tended to keep Gonji at her side since he was the strongest and Ashoka was often off on her own, doing solo missions for the Xiang.

“Yes,” Raine answered.

Kubja folded his arms behind him and leaned forward, bringing his old face into view. “What did you speak about?”

“Nothing—”

CRACK.

Raine grunted at the impact and nearly bit off his tongue with how hard his teeth bore down on it, mid-word. He took a ragged breath.

“Liar!” Bofu accused and then kicked him in the side, in his ribs.

He caught himself with the palm of his hand and stayed there, knowing that returning to a sitting position would earn him another smack of the cane. “I…came upon him, told him I was to take him in, and he slipped away through a miasma portal.”

It came anyway—this one across his shoulders. “What did you say of your mission? Of the Xiang?”

“Nothing!” Raine yelled and expected another hit, only it did not come.

But not for lack of trying.

He peered up to see Kubja holding Bofu’s hand, preventing him from striking again. “Violence, for the sake of it, will get you nowhere. This was not to be an interrogation—simply a punishment for failure.”

“But I think he is lying,” Bofu countered.

“I do not.” Kubja replied calmly, “As it is just the two of us, it appears we are at an impasse young man.”

“You are not smarter than me just because you are old.” The Kyrie disciple huffed and pulled his arm back but he did not hit Raine again. “We will speak with the Xiang and see what she thinks.”

“She will keep Raine in his position,” Kubja predicted, “She feels for his plight and she believes in his ability to apprehend the Chaaya better than we can.”

“But he keeps failing.”

“Have we caught him either?”

There was silence and Raine did not dare to be the one to break it. This was not the first time he had witnessed the disciples fighting—almost always instigated by Bofu. There was no mutual care or respect between any of them, it seemed, and it was both exhausting to listen to and it made him feel terribly depressed because he would, always, inevitably remember his time as a disciple and how different it was.

Sure, there had been some fighting and bickering but they all liked each other. They were friends.

Were.

“We need to return to Merra. Let his King deal with any further punishments for his failure,” Kubja’s words let Raine know it was safe to look up. The old man smiled at him and pulled Bofu away, to his side of the tent. “Come now.”

Bofu, of course, did not leave without pointing a finger at Raine and demanding, “Do better! Next time, we may not be so forgiving.”

 He waited until they were long gone, when he could no longer hear Bofu’s haughty voice carrying on the wind. It was a chore but he managed to stand and get to walking.

As little as he wanted to walk around camp without his shirt on, he needed to find water and clean his back off. One of the medics saw him, gasped, and offered their help but he turned them down. He could do it himself.

It was not simply pride but he could reach all across his back with water because of his ability. Although using it, even for something like this, reminded him again of his fight with Kira. He could have seriously hurt him—drowned him even—but he had been desperate to keep him from running.

Not that it amounted to anything, he thought as water caressed his back, making him wince.

He used the drink in a wooden bucket until the bucket was filled with more blood than water. His back was probably still bleeding so he did ask for help in having it bandaged.

“You would do well to drink some anti-bacterial tea, sir,” the young medic said as he secured the wraps around his shoulders. “You would not want these to become infected.”

“I know.” Raine sighed. “Contrary to popular belief around camp, I have been injured before.”

The boy chuckled and stepped away. “People do say you are indestructible.”

“It is all lies.” He smiled. “But do not worry. I will take care of it.”

“Shall I get you some tea? We should have the herbs for it.”

Raine shook his head. “Not right now. Thank you.”

The moment he could, Raine redressed in his armor. Rumor would have spread, probably, that he had been beaten by the disciples but he hoped to hide how bad it was from most of them. The medic and a few other soldiers out and about were the only ones who had seen and the medic was definitely the only one to get a proper, up close look. He did not seem the type to spread gossip, however.

His undershirt and armor rubbed against his back terribly but it was a price he was willing to pay to keep up appearances.

He also made himself the medicinal tea the medic recommended but he added it to a mug of ale. It did little to hide the flavor but he had learned to choke down things he did not particularly find tasty for the benefit of their effect. This way, he hoped, he would fight infection and return to the buzzed state that made everything feel less painful.

A couple of soldiers attempted to talk to him although most stayed away either out of some misplaced feeling that they were not good enough to speak to him or out of experience and knowing that he did not particularly want to socialize. The ones who did talk were all curious about what Bofu and Kubja wanted.

“An update,” Raine stated simply from his spot as far away from the campfire as possible.

The three men who had followed him took no hints and sat down at the table with him. “They seemed angry when they arrived.”

“Sure. I have not captured the Chaaya yet.”

“Were you in trouble then?” another soldier asked.

“Sure.”

They looked at one another. The third one took his turn, “Was the rest of your troop in trouble too?”

“I went alone.”

Another bout of silence. The first soldier then whispered, “You stood against the Chaaya by yourself?”

Raine wondered if most people even knew who the Chaaya was or if it was a secret amongst those in the inner circle. The way some people talked about him was if he was some unknown shadowy figure. But, he supposed, even if they knew it was Kira, they might still speak of him in the same manner.

“Yes,” Raine finally answered.

“And you did not get hurt?”

“No.”

“But you did not capture him or kill him?”

“Correct.”

“But he did not hurt you at all?”

“No.”

The three exchanged excited glances and then the one in the middle said, “You really are the coolest.”

Raine finished his mug of ale and set it back on the table with a forced smile. “Well, I appreciate the statement but I must insist that you all focus on cultivating yourselves into better soldiers instead of looking up to me.”

He did not allow them a chance to argue or continue to sing his praises since he stood up and left. There was sure to be more ale for him, somewhere, and he barely cared that the sun was rising. He was often drunk at the morning meetings anyway.

A few birds started to chirp as he filled up his mug and he heard the shuffling of feet all around him. The shifts were changing and the last watch was retiring. Soon, he would have to rouse them all from sleep if they did not wake on their own.

Just as Raine lifted up his mug for a fresh drink, a soldier called out to him.

“Grand General Raine.”

He turned to see a young, new recruit who looked at him anxiously. “Yes?” he had to urge him along.

“There are some suspicious characters from Enlil. I was asked to retrieve you.”

Raine quirked his eyebrow and took another sip. “From Enlil?” he repeated.

The young man nodded his head vigorously. “Some of them are wearing strange armor we have not seen before. It is definitely not ours or anything from Terra…”

“Alright, lead the way.” He did not want to but he set his mug down while he went to investigate. If it truly was an issue, he would need both of his hands free.

They hurried to the entrance of the camp and Raine could already see one of the more seasoned soldiers standing guard and watching over a group of four people. Only two were in armor but the soldier had been correct, it was not anything they were used to seeing.

The color was similar to the usual Enlil garb but the engravings on it seemed more elaborate and there were capes attached to the neck and shoulder. Both Enlil soldiers were blonde as well and quite pale. There was a woman with a darker complexion, in expensive looking robes and, by her, was a much more modestly dressed individual.

His robes were mostly white with a purple trim and a yellow sash around the waist. It was a combination of color that was common in Enlil but, more than anything, it made Raine think of one person in particular. Even stranger was that the man sort of resembled him as well.

As Raine came closer, he could not look away and he could not blink. He expected the similarities to fade as he approached but the alcohol must have been playing tricks on his mind.

None of them had seen him yet so he stared without restraint. His skin tone, his body type and size, his hair…it was all identical.

“Raine, these people were trying to claim they were reinforcements from Enlil—”

He did not let the man finish. “I will speak to them. You go and rouse the troops. You as well.” He pointed to the younger guard and sent them both away. Luckily, they did not raise a fuss because he was not sure he could deal with them properly or with a clear head had they talked back.

His mind was in shambles and his heart thundered in his chest. He could barely hear anything aside from the pulse of his blood in his ears.

Yet he pushed forward.

Just in front of the group, he stopped and stood, staring at an impossible scene. His lips wrapped around the name as if it was a new word but he had to ask:

“Pangu?”

#the xiang chronicles #my novel #my writing