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terreisa · 3 years

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Love Down the Line: Chapter 4

The last thing Indie musician Emma Swan needs is a gigantic wrench thrown in the workings of her biggest tour to date weeks before its launch. When her backing guitarist that caused the problem says she has the perfect solution Emma is skeptical but left with little choice but to accept. Unfortunately she isn’t really prepared for said solution to be former Rock Star and leading man of Emma’s teenage fantasies, Killian Jones. With no other options and a month of performing across the country ahead of her Emma just hopes she doesn’t come to regret letting Killian onto her stage and into her life.

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, AO3

~*CS*~

On the road between Boston and New York, May 9th

Emma knew she should be trying to wind down from the night’s show. When they arrived at their hotel she wanted to be able to head straight to her room and get some sleep. She just couldn’t seem to get the adrenaline to leave her system, even hours after the fact. It didn’t help that once they’d finished the encore they’d been ushered straight onto the bus and hit the road without a come down from the rush of performing again. Celebrating the successful start of the tour with Will, Tink and a few drinks probably hadn’t done much good either.

She was sitting at the small table in the little kitchenette of the bus with an open notebook, a leather bound one that was much nicer than the ones she used for her lyrics and bits of melody fragments, absently tapping her pen on the blank page. Will and Tink had gone to their own bunks to do whatever other post show rituals they had, leaving her to hers. Once the damn adrenaline wore off she knew she’d be able to concentrate on writing down her thoughts and feelings on the show but for the moment she was content to dwell in the electric buzz both the show and the alcohol had given her.

The first performance was always the one that made Emma worry the most. To her it set the bar for the rest of the tour. With the internet and social media the reviews were out in the world before the first song was finished. According to Regina one false move could have her right back at the small town bars within a hundred miles of Storybrooke for good. So the first show was always the most stressful up until the moment she began playing. Then it was the most rewarding.

Thankfully, it had been better than just a good show, it had been great. The last minute adjustment she’d made to the set list had worked out far better than she’d anticipated. Up to that point the crowd had sung along with every song, even the ones off the new album, but when she’d played the first few notes of Bite of Iron they’d gone nuts. Their surprising and enthusiastic response had given her the strength she’d needed to play the song without a hitch and gave her a burst of energy that she could still feel in her fingertips hours after the last note had been played.

She smiled at the memory of that initial jolt of excitement. It felt a lot like the burst of shock she’d had at seeing Killian Jones in her rehearsal space for the first time. Her enthusiasm faded a bit as she began to realize exactly what that could be confused for and she wanted nothing to do with anything that could possibly resemble butterflies in her stomach.

“Mind if I join you, Swan?”

Emma jumped in surprise, caught off guard even though Killian had practically whispered his request. She spun to face him with a scowl.

“Don’t do that again.”

He smirked, “Apologies, love. I shall endeavor to announce my presence with a blaring fanfare next time.”

“Or you could wear a bell,” she suggested, “I could even order a little plaid collar to match your many flannels.”

“It’s those flannels that are keeping me from being recognized if I’m not mistaken,” he said smugly as he sat down across from her, a notebook of his own in hand.

She gave him a reluctant nod of agreement. When he’d shown up for the show wearing the same flannel, t-shirt, jeans combo he’d worn to the sound check she’d nearly kicked him off the tour right then and there. While there wasn’t any specific aesthetic that her and the others adhered to it was a little more put together than something that looked like it belonged at a backyard barbeque. It turned out the banality of Killian’s outfit was probably the key to his going unnoticed throughout the whole show. As far as she knew, and Will would have definitely told her, there hadn’t been a single post about Killian being on stage again.

When he had been with Realm of Jewels he had favored tight, black leather pants and dark colored shirts with the buttons undone to the top of the various vests he wore. Instead of well worn Converse he’d had pointy toed boots that reached halfway up his calf and he’d worn more silver jewelry on his fingers and around his neck than she’d ever owned in the entirety of her life. His hair had been longer too, constantly falling over his brow as he played until it was plastered to his forehead with sweat by the end of their shows. It had been a good look, one she’d had fantasies about, but there was something about the flannel and jeans that had a gentle warmth spreading through her veins.

“Yeah, well, whatever,” she grumbled. He smiled widely at her and she rolled her eyes right back, “I still think you should get a bell. Though you wouldn’t need it if you had been sociable instead of sneaking off to your bunk as soon as we got on the bus.”

Killian’s smile dimmed, “It has been quite a while since I’ve played a show, love, and I can no longer indulge in my former habit of having a drink or five to celebrate and relax. It was easier to remove myself from the temptation entirely, rather than testing the strength of my will. Especially when the show was worth celebrating.”

Emma felt as if her stomach had been filled with lead. She had somehow completely forgotten that Killian was a former alcoholic. They had never really talked about it and he’d gone out to the bars with her, Will and Tink after particularly gruelling rehearsals or even some of the more mediocre ones. It just wasn’t something that jumped to the forefront of her mind when she thought of him. Even if she refused to acknowledge exactly how much he actually popped up in her thoughts.

“Shit, Killian- do you or do we- shit-” she looked frantically around the little kitchenette at the empty beer bottles and open bottle of rum on the counter. She scrambled from her seat, “Let me just get rid of this crap and then I’ll let Will and Tink-”

“Swan-”

He sounded amused but she wasn’t sure over the clinking of the bottles she was trying to wrestle into the small trash can under the sink.

“I’ll talk to Regina and have her adjust the grocery delivery-”

“Emma, take a breath, love.”

She did as he instructed but only because he had stood and grabbed her by the shoulders, crouching down to stare into her eyes. He was grinning as he held her in place and she scowled at his amusement.

“I’m glad you think that us being disrespectful about your addiction is funny.”

“I believe you running around this cramped space trying to atone for something I never blamed you for would suggest otherwise-” he let her go only to pull the trash can out of her hands, setting it back under the sink before leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest, “I’ve been sober for nearly ten years, I know what my triggers are and how far I can push myself. Tonight was just a new set of parameters that I had to consider and adjust accordingly to. No need for you to drastically alter everything for the whole tour when I’m only a temporary guest.”

“Well, it’s not fair for us to just fling booze around in front of you like it’s nothing either,” she said hotly, twisting out of his grasp to nab the rum bottle and its cap. She wrestled with closing it as she spoke, “Just because you won’t be here for the whole thing doesn’t mean you should be treated like you don’t matter. You’re in the band, you get a- OW! Fuck!”

She sucked in a breath at the searing pain in her palm. Somehow her hand had slipped and caught on the jagged edge of the cap. The pain was nothing compared to the panic that flared at possibly having injured herself enough to affect her playing. Her vision started going spotty and she could feel her knees starting to buckle.

“Swan? Emma?!” She felt his hands on her shoulders again and his concerned face filled her darkening vision. “Breathe. Deep breath for me. That’s it. Another one. Good.”

Following his gentle instructions she felt steadier and her vision stopped tunneling. With a healthy dose of trepidation she looked down at her hand and was relieved to see the cut wasn’t deep but it was very bloody. Looking around she couldn’t find a single thing to mop up the blood or staunch the slow but steady flow. Then she felt a burning sting as liquid was splashed over her palm followed by warm pressure. She turned to see that Killian was holding a handkerchief in place as he wrapped it around her palm.

“That hurt! What was that?” She hissed, indignant.

“Rum and a perfectly good use of it in my opinion-” he winked before turning back to his makeshift bandage, “It shouldn’t give you too much grief at tomorrow’s- er, I guess tonight’s show. A little super glue will seal it right up. It might be uncomfortable during sound check but by showtime you won’t even notice it.”

He punctuated his assessment by tying off the handkerchief and gently squeezing her fingers.

“That’s a relief,” she said softly, pulling her hand from his. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, still a little rattled from her injury and disconcerted from the conversation that had preceded it, “Look, I’m sorry if I was out of line or made you feel uncomfortable or something. I just don’t want you to feel- I don’t know, like you have to hide away or something.”

“Thank you, Swan, but as I’ve said you’ve no need to alter how things have always been done just for my sake-” he picked up the rum bottle and twisted the cap on with an ease that had her scowling, “My sobriety isn’t something that you should burden yourself with. That’s what I pay my therapist for.”

She laughed in spite of herself, finally feeling the tension leave her shoulders. He smiled with her as he set the rum back on the counter and pointedly pushed it away from them. Shaking her head she turned and opened the cabinet that was above their heads.

“I’m going to make some cocoa,” she said as she shifted boxes and bags around, “You want some?”

“Sure, I might as well indulge in something to celebrate the start of the tour,” he said jovially, sitting back down at the table. “Though, I’m not quite sure a packet of cocoa mix can be considered an indulgence. Is it the kind with the little marshmallow pebbles?”

“I’m playing to crowds of thousands and you think I wouldn’t pull the diva card to get the good stuff?” She asked with mock haughtiness, still digging through the cabinet for the little tin she was looking for. “I’ll have you know that I’m deadly serious about two things: my music and my hot cocoa- aha!”

Emma held a little tin up triumphantly. It was a ridiculously expensive imported sipping chocolate, the first frivolous thing she’d bought with her first check from her label. It was part of her post show ritual, drinking her expensive hot chocolate and writing about the night until she was falling asleep at the table or they arrived in their next city. She tried not to dwell on the fact that she’d always partook in that particular ritual alone, she’d never even asked Ruby to join her, but she had no reservations about Killian doing so.

“Who knew you sported such a refined palate,” Killian said with feigned shock. “Seeing as I have been privy to what you consider food.”

She glared at him, “Don’t knock the grilled cheese or you’re not getting a cocoa.”

“Are the onion rings fair game? How about the milk dud popcorn? Pop-Tarts?”

She threw the lid of the cocoa tin at him but he caught it neatly, fanning himself with it. Rolling her eyes she turned her back on him to concentrate on making the cocoa and not fixating on how attractive he was when he was being playful. Unfortunately she’d perfected whipping up the drink while on a moving bus years earlier, so she had plenty of brain power left to dwell on exactly how much more unfairly attractive the man became the more she got to know him.

“So, are you writing songs again?” She asked over her shoulder as she stirred the milk that was heating on the little hot plate they had for solely for her cocoa habit.

“Hmm?” He hummed distractedly. When she looked back his eyes snapped to hers almost guiltily before dropping to the notebook in front of him, “Oh, er, not as much now, no. Journaling was a requirement at rehab and despite some initial, shall we say, reluctance it became a habit. A better one for me to have, for the most part.”

“Get the feelings and stuff down on paper instead of shoving it deep down inside and hoping for the best? I get it-” She let her gaze drift to her own journal before looking back at him. “But seriously, no lyrics or chords or anything? I have a whole shelf in my bookcase that’s stuffed with notebooks filled with potential hits.”

He ducked his head and rubbed at the back of his neck, “I haven’t written anything since… well, since before. Haven’t felt the desire to.”

“Oh, right, yeah,” she said lamely, quickly focusing back on the task at hand.

As she divided the milk between two mugs she was hit by the terrible realization that Killian had co-written all of the Realm of Jewels songs and that both of his writing partners were dead. She’d gone and poked at a second vulnerable spot in his armor in less than thirty minutes. At the rate she was going she wouldn’t be surprised if he got off the bus in New York and took the first train back to Boston. Stirring in the chocolate she grabbed onto a shard of that thought like a lifeline.

“You live in Boston right?”

If he was surprised by her abrupt change of topic he didn’t let on.

“I do. I always enjoyed the city when we played there and it oddly reminded me of home. Figured I could do worse when finding a place to settle after everything.”

“Why not L.A. or New York?” She asked genuinely curious as she sprinkled cinnamon over the mugs, grabbing them and returning to the table. “They’re probably way better for recording and what not.”

“True-” he shrugged, accepting his drink with a nod of thanks, “but L.A. felt like a golden facade, even though I do own a house in Malibu, and New York felt like a concrete abyss. I was still a bit lost at the time and both of those cities would have swallowed me whole. Still, I craved the bustle of an urban landscape and Boston was the right fit”

“So, you did a three bears situation. Did you at least get some quality porridge out of the deal, Goldilocks?” She teased.

He had taken a sip as she asked and glared at her over the rim of the mug. Then his eyes widened in surprise, looking down at the cocoa, “Ooh, this is good, Swan, and no, there was no porridge to be had or golden locks to be seen. I’ve dyed my hair a fair share of colors but blonde was never one of them. I’ll leave that shade to those that can pull it off.”

With a flirtatious wink from him and a responding eye roll from her Emma felt that some kind of balance had been restored. She had never particularly cared what others thought of her, if she had she would have been reduced to a shell of a person by middle school, but for some reason with Killian it was different. There was something a bit broken about him that she recognized from the mirror and she definitely didn’t want to be the one to add to it.

She lifted her mug towards him, “Since you didn’t get to do this earlier: cheers to the start of a new tour.”

“And endeavoring to make every show as successful as this one,” Killian clinked his mug gently with hers, a soft smile on his face, “Cheers, love.”

Emma took a large sip, glad that her large mug hid the blush she knew was in her cheeks. As much as she’d hated the endearment when they’d first met it no longer irked her. She was discovering that there were a lot of things about Killian that no longer irked her and it made her more resolute to keep him at arm’s length. Only it seemed the harder she tried the easier it became for him to slip past her defenses.

Flustered she set her mug down a little too forcefully and pulled her notebook towards her, “I’m just gonna… until we get to the hotel. I mean, if it’s okay.”

“By all means,” he said, bemused. He tapped on his journal, “I have a bit of writing to do myself.”

“Oh, yeah. Good.”

With that less than eloquent response she forced herself to start what she’d intended to do before Killian had joined her. After nearly twenty minutes of alternately writing down some words and stealing glances at the man across from her she chastised herself and focused on the task at hand. It didn’t help that she could feel his eyes on her whenever the scratching of his pen took a pause. However, by the time the bus pulled into the hotel’s parking lot she found that she’d not only written a good chunk of what she’d wanted but that she really didn’t mind Killian’s presence in the least and that maybe the world wouldn’t exactly end if she admitted it.

#captain swan #captain swan ff #cs ff #captain swan fanfic #captain swan fan fic #captain swan fan fiction #cs fanfic #ouat ff #my writing

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fandomfanfics12 · 5 years

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We Are A Family-part 17

Title: We Are A Family. Pairings: Steve x tony, Peter x Wade, Nat x Clint, Sam x Bucky. Part: 17/? Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, eventual smut, slowburn. Summary: When Nat comes into the avengers tower with baby Peter Parker, the avengers didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. But now that Peter is here,Steve and Tony both feel protective over him. It doesn’t help that Peter hates everyone other than Steve and tony. But as Steve and tony raise Peter, they start to fall for one another. Will this superfamily work out or will it all turn to hell? A/N: Sorry about the hiatus, didn’t mean for that. Anyway i had major writer’s block and i kinda gave up on this story. But i think the break was good because now i know where i want to go with this and how to get there. lol. hopefully i don’t go on another super long hiatus.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16

Tony had noticed that Steve had been acting strange lately. He was extra jumpy, and his nightmares seemed to be coming back. After being happily together for three years, Tony struggled to understand what was wrong.

“Steve?” Tony asked suddenly and Steve jumped, then his gorgeous blue eyes met Tony’s molten brown ones.

“Yeah?” he asked softly, careful not to disturb Peter who was sleeping soundly in his lap.

“Is everything Alright?” Tony asked and Steve nodded, a little too quickly.

“Everything’s fine.” Tony wanted to shout Liar! At Steve. But he merely forced himself to smile. He had a stomach churning, gut wrenching, heart stopping fear that one day, Steve would wake up and reAlise he’d made the wrong decision to choose Tony. All those years ago. Steve Always reassured Tony, but Tony couldn’t shake this feeling. EspeciAlly now that Steve seemed so distant.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked suddenly and Tony looked down at his hands.

“I feel like you’re hiding something from me.” Tony forced himself to look back up, Steve’s eyebrows had risen.

“How do you Always know?” Steve groaned and Tony was partiAlly relieved, but his stomach began to twist and churn. He was relieved because he wasn’t being paranoid and insecure and crazy, but terrified because secrets were never a good thing.

“What’s going on?” Tony asked and Steve sighed.

“Seven more hours, I just wanted seven more hours.” Steve muttered to himself.

“Seven more hours?” Tony asked and Steve sighed once more.

“Tonight we’re going out for dinner, I was going to surprise you and I got us a spot at this reAlly fancy restaurant and-“

“Steve.” Tony grinned, surprises were the only type of good secrets.

“I mean I’m happy to go to the diner if you can’t be bothered with fancy restaurant food-“

“I love you.” Tony said cutting him off and Steve’s breath caught in his throat. No matter how many times Tony said it, it Always took Steve’s breath away.

“I love you too Tony.” Steve grinned and Tony saw some of the anxiety that Steve had been harboring melt away.

Steve couldn’t stop shaking. Not as he got ready. Not in the car. Not at the restaurant. The closer it got to go time, the more nauseous Steve felt. It wasn’t that Steve had any doubts about wanting to do what he wanted to do, but whether Tony wanted to do it was entirely different. Sitting across from him now, looking as gorgeous as ever.

“What’s going on cap? You still seem nervous.” Tony murmured and Steve knew this was his cue. His time to perform. Now or never. Because if Steve didn’t get over his nerves about doing this and facing possible rejection now, he never would.

“Tony,” Steve couldn’t help himself, he took Tony’s hand just for the physical reassurance. “Tonight isn’t just any date night.” God, Steve had practiced this speech in his head at least a thousand times.

“it’s not?” Tony asked with a slight frown.

“No, it isn’t.” Steve took a deep breath, ready to spill the words but Tony beat him to the punch.

“Is it our anniversary? Because Fury’s just been working me really hard and I’m so sorry if I forgot and I promise I have a good way to make it up to you-“ Tony stopped talking when he saw Steve had risen one of his brows.

“Look I know when we first met we barely got along on a good day. And I know we’ve both said terrible things about one another in the past. But then we got our little miracle and you and Peter changed my entire world. Suddenly nothing else seemed important unless the two of you were safe.” Steve couldn’t help but smile, suddenly feeling more confident.

“I remember you aimlessly wondering supermarkets Steve.” Tony murmured dryly and Steve chuckled.

“It’s been three years and the only thing that’s changed since now and then is that I love you now more than ever. And ill love you even more tomorrow. Because I love you and I choose to spend the rest of my life, with you.” At that, Steve then got down on one knee and saw Tony’s eyes widened.

“Steve…” but he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

“Would you do me the honour of being my husband and being known as Tony Stark Rogers?” Steve asked and Tony merely stared with wide eyes. Steve’s suit suddenly felt too tight and he could feel everyone around him staring, watching, waiting. He’s going to say no. Steve could feel it, his hands began trembling and the knowledge that he may have screwed everything up crashed into him.

“Steve…” but he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Steve wanted to rewind the last two minutes, because he wasn’t sure he could face this rejection. Not from Tony.

“Oh…” Steve couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. He wanted to be able to call Tony his husband, to know that it really was till death do they part. He began to put the box with the ring back in his pocket when Tony took his hand.

“I love you, I want to marry you, but…” Tony was grinning and Steve could feel a smile tug at his lips. I want to marry you. There was hope, despite the but, hope flared in Steve’s chest.

“But?” Steve asked and could practically feel everyone around them was hanging on by the edge of their seats, desperately wanting to see what would happen next. And then Tony pulled out a box out of his own pocket.

“I bought this after our talk this morning.” Steve watched as Tony opened the box to show a simple silver ring.

“You were going to propose?” Steve asked and Tony nodded.

“I guess great minds think alike.” Tony chuckled and Steve felt a wave of relief crash into him.

“So is that a yes?” he asked and Tony nodded his head.

“Yes, I want to marry you.” Steve stood up and kissed Tony, engaged at last.

By the time they got home it was everywhere. Captain America and Iron Man were finally, at long last, engaged. Tony still couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t help but grin every time he looked down at his hand. He was going to marry Steve, they were going to be husbands. He thought back to three years ago, when he had been pining for Steve. How torturous it had been to make lasagne with Steve and to have not kissed him. In the end, Steve had kissed Tony, Steve had proposed to Tony. It was Steve All Along. Choosing Tony, over and over and over again. Despite All the odds.

“Fury wants to know what’s going on.” Tony read his text message Aloud to Steve and Steve chuckled.

“Natasha’s mad I didn’t tell her.” Tony couldn’t help but smile.

“Did you tell anyone?” Tony asked and Steve nodded.

“I went to Bucky.” Tony inhaled sharply, but the ring on his finger was a reminder that Steve had chosen him.

“And?”

“I wanted Bucky to know that you were the one for me. I wanted him to truly understand that we weren’t ever going to get back together. He said he knew and that it was okay. Then he helped me pick out a ring.” Well if Bucky was helping Steve pick out rings, he certainly wasn’t planning on trying to win Steve back.

“The media’s going to enjoy this. They’ll probably scrutinize over every little detail.” Tony muttered and Steve smiled gently at him.

“We don’t have to have a big public wedding.” Seeing Steve smile at him like that made the familiar warm and fuzzy feeling flood Tony’s body. Tony opened his mouth to respond when someone began to bang on their apartment door. Tony opened it and saw Al standing there, Wade propped up on her hip.

“Hey Al.” Tony smiled at the woman, but she looked furious.

“Why is it that I heard on the news that you two are engaged?” she demanded and stormed passed Tony into the apartment. Al was Always stopping by, after her husband had eventually died two years ago, Steve and Tony had sort of taken in Al and Wade. Making sure to check in and hang out and support them whenever need be. On the plus side, Wade and Peter got Along very well.

“Because we got engaged.” Steve announced with a wide grin on his face. Steve is my fiancée. We’re getting married. He wants to be and is going to be my husband. Tony couldn’t stop the giddy feelings from bubbling up within him.

“Congratulations!” Al hugged both of them and then put Wade down. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he took off towards Peter’s room.

“thanks Al.” Steve was grinning and Tony found himself grinning as well.

“So who proposed?” She asked and Tony chuckled.

“Steve did, but I was Also planning on proposing tonight.” Tony told her and Al laughed.

“I swear you two were just made for one another.” She murmured with a wistful smile. Tony liked the idea of that. The idea of fate and destiny. If fate is what put Steve in the ice, preserving his body to wait until Tony was Alive, just to put the two of them together. Then Tony decided he like the idea of it.

“How are you doing?” Steve asked suddenly and Al shrugged.

“Same old I guess, my eye sight has been a little spotty so I’m going to go to the doctor on Monday.” Al confessed and both Tony and Steve nodded their heads.

“Well if you need anything we are just across the hall.” Steve murmured gently, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Tony leaned against the wall, Al and Wade were just as much a part of the family as May and the avengers were. May. They hadn’t told May yet, she would be angrier than Al if she heard about their engagement from the news. After excusing himself, Tony pulled out his phone and called her.

“Hello?” she answered as Tony walked into his and Steve’s bedroom.

“Hey May.” They would have to catch up soon, it had Almost been a month since they last saw her.

“Is everything alright?” she asked and Tony nodded before realising she couldn’t see him.

“Yeah I just have some news for you.”

“Please tell me it’s good news, I don’t think I could handle any more bad news today.” Tony’s stomach twisted and churned.

“Why? What’s wrong?” he heard her sigh and Tony began to pace.

“nothing, it’s just been a long day. So tell me your news.” Tony suddenly felt guilty, like he was about to brag about how wonderful his life was. May had lost her family and Tony had gained his because of that.

“Steve and I are engaged.” Tony said after a long moment. May was very quiet for a long time.

“That’s amazing. Congratulations.” She murmured softly into the phone.

“I just thought I should let you know, it’s All over the news and-“ Tony suddenly felt very self-conscious. Maybe this was a bad idea, Maybe Steve should have done this.

“This is a good thing Tony. I’m happy for you two.” Tony sat down on the bed and ran a hand through his hair. A moment later, Steve walked in the room.

“Everything Alright?” Steve asked and Tony nodded his head.

“Thanks May, would you like to talk to Steve?” Tony asked and then handed over the phone. He watched as Steve paced back and forth, talking to May. Steve was smiling the way he does when he’s trying to charm someone. Even though May couldn’t see it.

“Yes we’ll have to catch up for dinner next Sunday, it was good talking. Bye!” he hung up the phone and handed it back to Tony.

“Is it rude of us to talk about how happy we are?” Tony asked and Steve shook his head.

“I think it would be worse if we made a big deal out of it, don’t you?” Tony decidedly nodded his head. Steve was right, of course he was, Steve was Always right. At least when it came to May he was.

“Where’s Al?” Tony asked as Steve sat down on the bed next to him.

“She went back across the hall to make her dinner. Wade and Peter are playing with Peter’s cars.” Tony nodded his head.

“We still need to formally talk to the other Avengers.” Tony murmured and Steve nodded.

“I’m pretty sure Natasha is the only one that knows.” Tony nodded his head, Steve was probably right.

“We should do it soon. We could throw a party for them.” Steve nodded and kissed Tony’s temple.

“I like the sound of that.” Tony leaned his head on Steve’s shoulder and Steve took Tony’s hand. These were Tony’s favorite moments, the quiet ones. Where he could sit and enjoy Steve’s company, when neither of them were stressed or worried. These were the moments where Tony knew for certain that he and Steve could survive absolutely anything.

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incarnateirony · 5 years

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Ratings Talk Masterpost.

It's about time I just try to masterpost as much of my crap as I can as a general answer to recurring questions, as I'm typically Beetlejuiced at least once a day to have to explain the same shit over and over again and I, at least, would like a one link drop involving common issues that are often interwoven in one big, wanky pillar of misunderstanding in the fandom.

Topics include, via headers:

“Is the show in danger of cancellation from bad ratings? I read an article/post-”

“But the demo on this last episode was-”

“I don't get it. Where are people going?”

“When you say classic ratings are dying, that has to be some kind of hyperbole, right?”

"But Supernatural ran a 1.9 average on its first season!"

"Well, maybe it was just, you know, ratings decline effected it until then. I mean, can anybody track this?"

And just because I’m psychic: Spring Decline

“Misha’s fanbase is just kids!”/”Only teenagers want to watch this new crap!”

Character popularity, etc, wahhh

“I STILL call bullshit on ratings decline/curve!”

“Something something baseball”

And more.

This post will probably be updated as I go along and realize rando things I should have included, but if I put it behind a handy-dandy cut I can pull that off.

Also, don’t be afraid to send asks about anything here, or frankly, about anything NOT here that I didn’t think to include.

Also this is gonna be a bitch to update come next year by loading in more modern resource links by season but whatever.

So. Cut below.

Is the show in danger of cancellation from bad ratings? I read an article/post-

Simply, no.

Clickbait is clickbait, and earns people money. They do it on a lot of shows, knowingly drop a hot line or whatever to make people either hate-click or sling it around to bash people on the head with and boost their rates. And/or sometimes they just have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about, which is why ratings savant sites like TV Grim Reaper drag the fuck out of them sometimes. And before you think the first tweet proves your point, please read the following two which expand and clarify.

The show's ratings aren't bad compared to normal. The show isn't anywhere near a danger zone line of cancellation based on ratings. People who have no idea what they're looking at have been screaming that the show is dying and about to get cancelled from bad ratings for ten years, ironically only after the show became safe and after Kripke himself stopped worrying about cancellation. (x) (x) (x) To link a few. I could keep going. But this falls squarely into the “just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it isn’t true” area, and I’ll continue to show why, below, chart after chart, source after source, on the why, and just how fragile SPN was, and when it shifted. The shorthand is here, but as that’s just a microcosm of the discussion I’m fully aware some asshat will try to argue points the rest of this post will discuss.

We are more at risk of J2(M) deciding they're just tired of it, tired of being demanded of, and just... tired. It's not coinkidink that has J2 taking less screen time, Misha getting more screen time (rather than a few minutes per episode) and even when we have brother episodes, a few later in the season where they're mostly working independently. These guys only want to work a few days a week. Which is fair. They've been at this for 14 years. Splitting up the workload onto a larger cast clears their schedules. The spinoff to keep the franchise alive got dropped (mostly due to network drama re Plec and CBS) So guess who wants to help their friends stay at work on something they all love, and their franchise stay alive? But they also want family and time off. Expect more of this if the show is bound to continue, and expect them to throw up their hands and say "nevermind" if there's too much bitching or recoil about it.

But the demo on this last episode was-

It looked low, right? So what this is going to take is a general explanation of the decay of ratings. But the "too long, didn't read" version is that ratings are on the decline and have been since the dawn of television.

A simple google search will tell you this, and that it's a problem well above and beyond Supernatural.

Feel free to re-search it by adding words like "by year," "marketing," or "causes of."

Similarly, CW has quite literally never targeted the 18-49 demo as a whole. They specifically target the 18-34. They can sell this as a targeted demo to get better money, even if other shows outside of Supernatural (which I’ll cover charted out and sourced below) have experienced a level of primetime ratings collapse that even makes that a bit spotty. It’s the same marketing trick that invented the 18-49 to begin with, when ratings were originally one big fucking vat. Now, you can track multiple marketable subdemos like 18-49, 18-34, and 25-55, to name a few. It’s become globalized to target the 18-49, but marketing and ad space sales are decided by things more refined than that.

I don't get it. Where are people going?

DVR (+3/7). Apps (like the CW app). Amazon. Hulu. Firestick. Roku. Most of these things didn't exist 14 years ago, and the few that did were far from popularized. By 2020 there will be 4x as many viewers watching via digital methods as there are watching classic TV. As of 2016, it was 3.4x~.

Here's a discussion where multiple charts sourced from the Nielsen company, who manages ratings, about it.

Digital ratings are not tracked by Nielsen, and there's a variety of discussions about it. In fact, there was a day when Executive Producer Matthew Federman from CBS Blood and Treasure gave Kelios a good shake about her bad ratings narrative and why Nielsen is a legacy system, poorly maintained, and about people in power that benefit from it staying out of date.

Unsurprisingly, it didn't keep her from talking more bad stuff about ratings afterward. But what we do know is that for two years running (and only in recent years), SPN has been in the top 20 digitally called shows in the world. Because while we don't see these reflecting in our Live+SD ratings, networks do. (Link is to when it ranked 18th, when in 2018 it ranked 16th. Having a hard time finding that link at the moment, I may edit it back once I find it again, but if you want an idea, 2016, 19th; 2017, 18th; 2018, 16th; noticing a trend?) This puts it in the same running of the ilk of Game of Thrones, the Walking Dead, Grey's Anatomy, Pretty Little Liars, Big Bang Theory, and a variety of DC properties.

CW has never been a classic primetime leader. It's target goal has typically been 1/3 to 1/4 of the big 4 network's numbers, ish. That actually varies since CW handles their WB and CBS properties differently due to a variety of contractual reasons. WB properties have to score higher. CBS can slog bottom of the barrel because they fund CW with minimum airing requirements to make use of CW's deal to vomit products out onto Netflix to continue making money even if Pedowitz laments the ratings of a CBS product.

Similarly, while CW has never-ever-ever been a competitor in live primetime TV (which I’ll further eviscerate below), it has been a leading competitor in digital, as above. They also base their marketing on digital performance rather than classic Q scores. The audience they want is online. Their primary audience is online. In the world, online is almost 4x the size of classic. But CW, a back end network show always and forever, is one of the leading competitors. SPN’s presence is a nearly completely digital one. So if you’ve ever tagged “it’s just online!” @ TPTB you may want to not do that. Because it’s dumb. Stop that.

CW does have one specific target for live TV: the 18-34 demo. And that's how they stay swinging and keep the ad-lights on in live, by marketing that. But that takes a discussion about Demo. This is the digital section. I'll talk about demo and classic TV ratings later. But if you want to know where people are going - digital is booming, and classic TV is dying.

When you say classic ratings are dying, that has to be some kind of hyperbole, right?

Not really, and Dabb's assistant brought it to light here.

Of course, again, antis that have no reading comprehension or idea what she was talking about acted like she was talking specifically about SPN despite her talking about network TV and the season. But classic TV is in fact going extinct, as per the article I linked you above.

But to illustrate how bad this is, have a website that tracks several hundred modern shows

Demos Year to Year

Breaking down Live + Same Day

The Myth of Thursday Premiums, but the discussion of ad rates per demo class

The Collapse of CW's advertisement rates, based on ratings decline - which you'll notice, SPN didn't even make the chart on gaugeable decline

On young skew and better ad rates

Demo is more Important than raw viewers

Just to link a few.

I mean honestly, ratings are complex as hell. It's not a matter of waving around a number and thinking you sound like you know what you're talking about, except to other people that don't know what you're talking about. Lots of shit effects things. Day, timeslot, other events (is there sports airing?), type of show (scripted, not?), and yes - most importantly - time. You could make it a full time job to browse a resource site like SpottedRatings for a WEEK and still not entirely get what the hell you're looking at, but at least you have a few indicators.

But the real indicator is our state of affairs. Take a look at this Sunday's ratings.

Notice anything... weird...?

Mostly that the only thing green at all is Sports? Notice that not a single show that WASN'T a live sporting event broke a 1.0? Not one.

And even if you go to, say, Thursday, when there was only ONE big live sporting event,

ahHhHhh Supernatural only got a 0.4 18-49!!!

And... only one show even broke a 2.0.

That show was running a high 3.x last year.

It ran a 2.3.

The others? Well, non sporting, you have two shows that did above 1.0. 1.0 and under? 12. 12 shows. 12 shows did not even hit 1.0.

"But Supernatural ran a 1.9 average on its first season!"

I promise you Supernatural was not the fucking king of the pool back in its day. In fact, just by a list of raw viewers, Supernatural was tied with Malcom in the Middle and Kitchen Confidential in 2005, at #127 King of Queens was bigger. Supernanny was bigger. Martha Stewart's Apprentice was bigger. Are we getting the idea? And yes, demo matters more than raw viewers, but raw viewers is part of what pans into demo. But that was at its peak, before spring decline in 2006 that it never recovered from. Here's the season with demo. 84 shows were bigger than it. SPN was the #85 show of the 2005-2006 fall season, with only 10 shows performing worse than it. Malcolm fell under it by the end of the year in demo.

So let's take a minute to reel that in and process it. SPN was in the BOTTOM 9% of shows, even after its first season got early premiere buzz. Do you want me to really paint out to you where it was by season 2 or 3? Cuz here you go, here's the TV season of season 3. #111. Five shows performed worse than it. Let's take a moment to wrap that up in our braincase. By season 3, Supernatural was the sixth worst performing show on television out of 116 tracked. But yeah, let's all smoke crack and pretend we have no idea what the fuck Kripke was talking about when he talked about riding the bubble and being in fear of cancellation.

For giggles, let's check out the TV year of season 4! #107... out of 129.

So for people being stubborn that don't think "#111 to 107 isn't huge!" let's scale that SPN just went from being in the bottom 10, then bottom 6, into there now being 22 shows performing worse than it. Now, it's only in the bottom 17% of shows. Not the bottom 9%/5% of season 1 and 2. Do you notice that launch? That's a big assed launch. And because the WB and CW had always been a smaller network than the big 4, that was actually enormous.

"Well, maybe it was just, you know, ratings decline effected it until then. I mean, can anybody track this?"

Yes and no. Because if nobody could, things would just be getting randomly cancelled all the time. If you listen to TVByTheNumbers' Gunsmoke Rule, you can't compare the ratings of a season to any season other than the immediately previous one (and, when not shorthand in a tweet, even that isn't wholy reliable for all the above crazy reasons.) However, that's even shorter shorthand for "please stop using ratings when you have no idea what you're fucking looking at, we're tired of seeing people in every fandom talk about the golden days because they don't comprehend their early seasons were actually in the ratings toilet."

Other places, like SpottedRatings, have developed methods of tracking this. For example, SR created the Plus System. (Master Page - but if you navigate the site you can learn the formula for it yourself.) The TLDR is they do a mix of averaging the results of ratings each night and evaluating the rate of decline the same time of year for the last two years to try to set a projected rate of decline that they then measure the results against in the scales listed in the link for general value of the show.

I know it sounds complicated, but bear with me. Pretend shows A, B, and C get ratings 3.1, 2.8, and 1.9 (average 2.6 - total 7.8) one year, and then the next year they all go down about 18% total between them (1.4 demo goes poof!, total of 6.4, so average between them should be 2.13), even if we shuffle what numbers end up exactly where, and the next year 20% (1.28 goes poof! Total 5.12, so the avg should be about 1.71 between them). That means next year, the annual decline will be speculated at about 19%. Which means we expect about 0.97 of demo to go poof! and leave us with a total of 4.15, or 1.38 between the three. 1.38 becomes our average performer line. Whoever is closest to 1.38 between the networks scores 100. Based on the formula in the link, if your ratings are lower, you score lower, and if you score higher, it's higher.

Due to the nature of the CW it sorta gets its own bracket for what's considered good, even. Based on the results of this scoring, they've put a few hundred shows into this interactive comparison chart where you can see how the industry average among them balances out year-to-year despite decline in every wing. Their score grades them.

For example, you'll see the dip in SPN after its premiere year, the dragging those bottom slots I mentioned, then the boost up which, if you only chart Supernatural, looks freaking huge. Similarly, the S7 plummet back into the bottom of the barrel on TV show performance. Then the S8 recovery, and the fact that since S9 we've been riding a high the likes of which the early generations have never seen. Again, scaled in equasion with these hundreds of sourced shows you've been linked to refer to above, and you can continue to navigate the annual charts by the links in various headers and footers.

You’ll notice SPN 14 isn’t in that yet (1-13 are) because, well, we’re only 3 episodes in at the point I’m writing this chart, Jan, and due to the complexity of ratings it’s a fool’s errand to chart in how it competes with other seasons, that early. Notice the big light lavender reaches of the highest/lowest episode value each season (for example, S13′s low dip was the Thanksgiving burnout everyone had a panic attack about THEN, too).

Now, Supernatural season 14 has slipped. A BIT. But this episode everyone was hollering about the ratings of, which could very easily be a one-off? Just like we get one-offs every year? Ranks in the same category as seasons 4, 5, and 8. At the same time, even with attempted year-to-year adjustments on SR, *EVERYBODY* is cripplingly down. The ONLY SHOW not utterly devastated on our night is the one outstanding half hourly that aired right before all of our sports kickoff garbage.

You'll also notice things have been installed that lets you see the lowest and highest brackets of each season alongside the average season value line. But that's just it. This big 14.3 crisis where stans from every corner started bawling about bad ratings because (standom reason)? Congrats. You found an episode from a solid season like 4, 5, and 8, above late S1, 2, 3, and 7. I don't include 6 in the numbers as it was on Friday which is a trash TV day. So was 7, but by forces we'll pretend not to understand, despite them both being on Friday, S7 fell into the toilet well beyond industry decline and boom! Like magic, bounced back in season 8. Again, for reasons we'll pretend not to understand.

Our current renewology for Supernatural is at 97%. Of the many things on the chopping block, that isn't it. Even if Dynasty is protected by their CBS deal, everything from Legacies (which even by power of its PREMIERE runs only a 41% renewal chance so far), All American - those are quicker coming up. Crazy Ex Girlfriend is already on the way out. Charmed, despite premiere power, is running lower, but is under CBS protection. Legends of Tomorrow is considerably closer to cancellation. Black Lightning is closer to cancellation. Do you notice a trend here?

And again, off of... a bad episode. Which can easily bounce back. Especially minding the impact of sporting events. Dare them to try to move any of those performers into Thursday, see how that goes for them. Sports eats us alive. Did you know the premiere gained another 50% demo and viewers off of +3s alone, much less +7 or digital?

And again, we roll back to digital: SPN is one of the top performers in the world, which many of those doing better than us aren't. So unless you think CW is gonna ax like 95% of its lineup at once, we’re pretty safe on ratings, guys. Again, it’s J2(M) getting sick of the bullshit that we have to worry about.

And just because I’m psychic: Spring Decline

This is a mighty warcry of ignorance that happens every year too. It is common, if not standard, for ratings to decline in the spring. Happens every year. To almost every show. Any show that *doesn’t* decline is an exception, and should be considered doing fucking fantastic. For example, season 8 is an outlier where our ratings kept going up in spring, whereas our other years went down. Us going down in spring wasn’t the show failing. It’s normal. There’s March Madness and TV premieres and all kinds of chaos blowing in the door that affect the actual GA on live viewership, and we generally get catchup in +3/7 or digital as a result, same as sports.

“Misha’s fanbase is just kids!”/”Only teenagers want to watch this new crap!”

Well, the shorthand version is to just read both parts of this post.

You’re super wrong

But even if you weren’t wrong, that’s not a bad thing.

As I’ve covered devoutly above, CW’s primary marketing niche is the 18-34. The younger their audience skews, the better they get paid - even more than normal with most networks. That rule pretty much sings true everywhere even on 18-49 target shows but even more firmly when it’s a network that deals with companies that target the 18-34 and pay based on that.

Also, due to women dominating primetime TV, and being a sort of double-yield view for the same demo, they’re also a demo that is more sought after. Even in demo the gender skew is also shifting female, ignoring that the demo itself is worth more heads. Also, it’s just a known thing that in non-sports genre, women engage more in digital fandom regardless of the viewer percentile. Between these two effects, we get a fuckton of girls online in this fandom, with males being the shiny pokemon kept as treasures in people’s pockets.

The linked post has all sorts of charts and sources linked in it so I’m going to leave this here, with the simple note of “If you ever @’d TPTB ‘Misha Collins’ fans are all teen-twenty-something-girls!!!’ “ ... Thank you? You’re better marketing and PR for him than his own agents could be. On the other hand, trying to convince the CW to listen to 35-49 or even older women probably isn’t gonna work out well for you. In fact, that is deadass a way to get quick, hard ignored, and if you’ve wondered why TPTB have stopped listening to you, you might want to turn on your thinker-box.

Character Popularity, etc, wahhh

Things like the size of different demographics beyond this (such as fans of different parts of the show, or actor/character popularity) are things I’ve covered in independent posts, but I may make a masterpost for it, too, at a later date. It’s really not directly relevant to immediate discussion beyond The Castiel Effect.

“I STILL call bullshit on ratings decline/curve!”

Really? Cuz when y’all made the Silent Majority boycott on goss and pretended it wasn’t a bunch of gossers making it, you guys were using the curve internally. Or trying to. You had your own semi-ratings-wizz person you called for help! (Helpful link.)

Funny how that disappeared when it completely stopped working for you. Probably were trying to over-value season 7 to talk yourself out of realizing your dumb shit had trashed the show, since your base averages for calculation were fucked up and that wasn’t worth a 2005 1.4. I sure as fuck wouldn’t want to feel responsible for my noisy opinion bringing the show down to being #200 on the season when it was #107 only 2 years prior. Yikes.

And people sit here wondering why Gamble doesn’t run the show anymore no matter how much bro-onlies beg her to come back. Like it was magic she was removed.

Look, for the record, I feel like Gamble was handed a bad deal. Manners had died, Kripke the creator left, Carver the head author left, she got thrust upon by a bunch of newbies that were so scrambled the newbies were copy editing their own work. Singer didn’t fucking help. She got given a tied up story of perfect poetry and told to make more under these conditions. Social media was new, mobile phones were just becoming a platform, and 100 assholes yelling a lot online was really loud when everybody at TPTB only had a few thousand followers. Thing is, that never really scaled up. As per the link, even at its peak, tricking the middle lane about their ambitions, they hit like 240 people. The fandom census hasn’t been any kinder to them either. They just hit capital asshole mode, yelled a lot and seemed huge when there was nothing to gauge it by, essentially cost a woman her job and have no real comprehension of that much less remorse. She did what she thought was the right thing, and it bit her. I can only imagine how it irks her to get tagged to come back now. She’s doing great with the Magicians. She does good work. Leave her be.

“Something something baseball.”

I heard some sort of fandom crack before that my source site (even though I use multiple?) is something about baseball leagues, possibly because of the use of the word “league average.” Luckily, as most people are literate, one look at these resources will tell you that’s a bold faced lie, so I’m just going to laugh and leave that desperate spin there.

OTHER STUFF

If you’re still confused about ratings, digital inflation or more, the ratings curve or whatever else past these links, check out my initial Ratings For Dummies post. It’s a little raw because I was new to tumblr, but the content is there. Similarly, just check out my #ratings tag. Adjacent, But not immediately related, is my #demographics tag as well, which covers a variety of things from Nielsen subdemos, fandom censuses, google trends, twitter trends, tumblr, pretty much any social media and how they’ve vertically integrated into our audience over time. I’ll probably do a master post for demographics stuff later, but this should do for now.

And I’ll also probably realize other stuff I should have added to this, especially as I receive asks. So it’ll get rolled in down here somewhere.

DON’T be shy about sending me asks for any clarification, or parts of this topic I just haven’t touched on. I don’t bite if you’re not a trolling douchecanoe. Curse of Knowledge is a thing, wherein you kind of think everyone knows certain things that you know, and it turns out they don’t, and it’s okay to ask questions.

#supernatural #ratings #television #death of primetime television #digital calls #demographics #this post is enormous already #mine

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framedepth · 6 years

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A Defense of Iron Man 2

With the world currently preparing to probably be somewhat “whelmed” by the upcoming mega-crossover Avengers: Infinity War, I, like most of the film-viewing planet, have been re-watching the Marvel oeuvre in order to enter the correct headspace to really take in what that movie is going to be. The product of a ten-year long waiting game that most audiences have been more than happy to play, built on the foundation of a 2008 film that set the film industry on a path that we’re still going to be following another ten years from now. I’m still early into this project of sitting on my couch and reliving so many memories of speculating with high school friends about what superhero the next end-credits scene will tease, and it has already given me some shocking realizations: the first Iron Man is still the best Marvel movie, Captain America: The First Avenger isn’t the rollicking, Indiana Jones-esque adventure classic I remembered it being, and, maybe most shocking to even the biggest Marvel fans, Iron Man 2 is still just as good as I thought it was when I was 16.

I so often see it ranked in the bottom five of the Marvel listings, and because it has been a few years since I watched it incessantly following the Blu-Ray release, I figured it was a movie that just hadn’t aged well when compared to the more recent Marvel works. Despite my loving it upon release, I never argued for its merits when people declared it the “worst Marvel film”, or “boring”, or “meandering”. I’ve been a life-long Iron Man fan, first of him as a character in video games before getting into the many, many trade paperback collections of his solo comics. My obsession with Tony Stark made me completely eat up anything Marvel Studios put out featuring him until recent years, when I had the realization during my first screening of Captain America: Civil War that I didn’t care that I was seeing Iron Man in a movie anymore. And I realized I hadn’t cared when I saw the Hulkbuster in Avengers: Age of Ultron either. I enjoy both movies fine, but Robert Downey, Jr.’s Tony Stark doesn’t give me that same jolt of excitement he did just a few years previous. It could be a writing or performance issue, but I think the real reason is that Tony Stark has stopped growing as a person in any kind of believable way. When taking a look back at the first two Iron Man films, and from my memories of the third, Tony used to feel like a real person that had real issues to overcome.

2008′s Iron Man showed us a man being forced to experience all of the damage he has been causing the world first-hand, and being broken by this. When he emerges from that cave in that armor, he is beginning the journey down a path to becoming a better person. Tony spends a lot of that movie being angry, of course at Obadiah Stane and the Ten Rings, but mostly at himself, for creating the monster that took the lives of Yinsen, his family, and nearly Tony himself. He failed to see that he inadvertently had been arming both sides of the war on terror, taking money from both the military industrial complex and the terrorists that kill young American soldiers, and spending that money on alcohol and sex. That rage is what fuels Tony in that film, and allows him to purge Stark Industries of Obadiah Stane, the first steps into making up for the terrible things he has been doing for his whole life.

Thinking this is enough to be a better person, Tony reverts back to some of his old ways, but now equipped with the Iron Man armor and a whole new level of fame he didn’t even know was possible. This is where we begin Iron Man 2, where he is once again bragging about how he has achieved peace through his designs, and reveling in the fact that he has the press and the public groveling at his feet. It is no question then that he and Pepper Potts have gone back to their familiar dynamic as well, as he is not yet ready for that level of commitment to anything. He is also drinking more than he ever has before, a characteristic that his comic book counterpart had been known for best before any sort of film adaptation came around. Alongside all of this toxic behavior is a handy plot-device of the palladium core in his arc reactor poisoning his blood, which gets worse as his attitude and decision-making does. Of course, the higher the percentage gets, the crazier his decisions and personality become, as he tries to comes to grips with his imminent death, creating a sort of feedback loop that causes things to spiral for him. This is where Tony starts to become aware of the other parts of himself he must purge if he is to complete the journey he began when he stomped out of that cave in that hulking grey armor.

If this weren’t already too much for Tony to deal with, the movie also introduces one of the roots for the various character flaws Tony has under his belt, his father Howard Stark. A mixture of Walt Disney and Howard Hughes, Howard Stark is first introduced as a genial, smiling older man standing next to a model of “the city of the future”, putting on his best face for the American public. But he is later referred to as a “lion” by the Justin Hammer, and as a “thief” and a “butcher” by Ivan Vanko. Like Tony, Howard had a duel life, one as a cheery hero to the common man and another as a death dealing weapons manufacturer. He never got around to being a father to Tony Stark, who was following in his exact footsteps right up until the shrapnel entered his chest. But in a video revealed to him by Nick Fury, Tony sees that Howard went through the same struggle of identity, and also had to come to grips with all of the terror and pain that he has unleashed upon the world. Howard’s method for redeeming his incredibly spotty legacy is Tony himself, and leaves him a secret within the Stark Expo floorplans in an attempt to rebuild the world he once helped destroy. Similarly, Tony realizes that his gift to the world is Iron Man, but has been wasting that gift on himself. This is of course all mixed in with Hammer and Vanko making plays against Stark, as well as Black Widow being set-up for her inclusion in the rest of the franchise.

All of that would be well and good, except for the frustrating fact that not a lot of these very disparate and seemingly unrelated plot threads are not fully resolved till later movies or just not picked up at all. Tony’s drinking comes to a head in this film in a scene in which Tony pilots the suit drunk in order to appease a house full of partygoers and nearly decapitates a few with a repulsor beam, but this is seemingly glossed over by a fight he has with Rhodey minutes later. He experiences no real consequences for being an out of control alcoholic, and it still has not been addressed as of Civil War, and I highly doubt it will come to pass in either of the Infinity War movies. It really seemed to be the big emotional climax that the first two films were building to, the final “demon” that Tony would have to conquer on his road to betterment. Instead, he receives a much needed humbling moment when he enters the wormhole at the end of The Avengers, and sees that the universe is much grander than he anticipated. That continues the arc of his personality issues and carries into Iron Man 3, and we see a much more cooperative Tony from thereon out. Iron Man 3 completes his identity crisis by proving to him that he is not overshadowed by his work, either good or bad, like he fears he will be in that cave in the first film, and showing that he still has things to offer the world despite just being “a man in a can”. The less said about what Age of Ultron and Civil War do for Tony’s character, the better. At this point, his character is completely dependent on what the plot needs it to be. I have already forgotten much of what he does in Spider-Man: Homecoming, but I do remember thinking the mentor role serves him well.

So why defend Iron Man 2 if it fails to deliver on the plots it sets up? Mainly because it dares to address these things in the first place. The only other movies in the Marvel canon to come close to the level of introspection Iron Man 2 attempts to do are Iron Man 3 and Black Panther. The moments we see of John Slattery’s Howard Stark are eye-opening in terms of Tony’s character, and show that he does have something to relate to his father over. The many attempts to recreate the Iron Man armor show Tony that what he thinks is the ultimate arbiter of peace by way of obsolescence is just the opening of a can of worms that may lead to the next arms race. It asks if Tony Stark can truly overcome his immoral past, or if he is doomed to be the leader on the world’s ultimate path to the apocalypse, despite what his intentions may be. That’s not a question that gets asked in your more typical Marvel fare, which many people still claim this movie is.

Secondly, while there are of course things to tear apart story, character, and performance wise in some areas, the action and effects are top notch. Black Panther this year showed how bad VFX can be in blockbusters, but that is not something Iron Man 2 suffers from, even eight years out. While it is infuriatingly short, watching Iron Man and War Machine fight the Hammer drones works as pure spectacle, to say nothing of the entire chase sequence that precedes it. There have been of course better action sequences out of Marvel since then, but it has been a very close race with the climax of this film always in the discussion for me.

Lastly, Sam Rockwell’s performance as Justin Hammer makes it a true tragedy that he no longer seems to be a part of the MCU in spite of the fact that he is one of the few Marvel villains to survive the entire run-time of a film. He does make a brief cameo in the short film All Hail the King, but it is not nearly enough for what he deserves. Rockwell was in the running to play Tony in the first film, and it’s not too hard to imagine an alternate universe where we see a pre-shrapnel Tony acting very similarly to Hammer in this film. In different moments he can be smooth, buffoonish, intimidating, and weaselly. He deserves to return in Iron Man 4 (if we are ever blessed enough to receive one) for the dance he does onto the expo stage alone.

I’m not calling for a complete critical re-evaluation of Iron Man 2 in order to establish it as one of the best films of the decade or anything, I just wanted to call attention to the fact that there seems to be more going on in the movie than people give it credit for. It of course doesn’t hold a candle to its predecessor, but it does shine some lights on Tony’s character that would have been extremely fascinating threads to follow had things gone differently with the franchise. My only hope is that Infinity War cares enough to make it seem as though Tony Stark is a real person again.

#iron man #ironman #marvel #movies #film #film essay #superhero #robert downey jr #rdj #gwyneth paltrow #don cheadle #mickey rourke #infinity war #avengers #infinitywar #civil #war #civil war

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momontour · 7 years

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When I can’t sleep, I will take an Ambien to help me relax and fall asleep. However, I have done a lot of crazy things after taking Ambien. I have woken up to find that I have had long conversations that I simply don’t remember. I have found wrappers from snacks that I really don’t remember eating. Once, I wrote a press release and sent it out to a news wire service. But I’m pretty sure that nothing can top my most recent Ambien-related activity: booking myself (and paying for) an entire vacation.

From what I can piece together, I must have decided that I needed to relax. Otherwise, I have no other way to explain the fact that I am currently on an ashram in the middle of nowhere in Northern California.

That’s right: me. Me, who doesn’t like yoga. Who doesn’t have enough focus to meditate. Who doesn’t really like new people and doesn’t like trying new foods. Me: who gets hysterical when my phone doesn’t work for a few minutes. Me: who checks the internet every five minutes. Me: who makes fun of people who use yoga terms in conversation.

So how to explain that I’m currently on a farm, doing yoga and meditating all day long? I have been here for four days: hanging out with new people, eating confusing new vegan food. I have zero cell service and very, very spotty internet. This place is actually called “expanding light.” And today, I had an hour-long discussion with a woman about where my moons and planets are currently located.

When I try to piece together how I got here, I am aware of several things. This week is “fall break” for my three children. This is the first time in my life that I am not with my kids during any sort of a school vacation. They are with their dad this week. And leading up to this week, that fact was making me very sad.

This past year has brought me a roller coaster of emotions. I moved homes, changed jobs, watched a friend pass away and then give my very first eulogy, went to funerals for children who were much too young to die, and I observed the world become an incredibly negative, violent, and downright scary place.

So when I woke up one morning to see that I had booked myself a flight to a place I had never been to a place that I have never heard of anyone going to: I figured-what have I got to lose? I am fully aware that at this point in the story, most people would have just canceled the whole thing. But, I’m nothing if not adventurous. I am, after all, the “mom on tour.” So, I figured I should live up to my name.

This past Sunday morning, I took a 2 hour flight to Sacramento. As I waited for the ashram van to pick me up, I texted a few friends and family to tell them that I was possibly about to be joining a cult. I spotted a woman at the airport who appeared to have wandered out of “The Handmaid’s Tale,” and so I worried that I was about to become someone’s surrogate.

Nonetheless, when that van arrived, I popped on in. I took a 90 minute ride through hills and canyons with a woman who definitely didn’t get my sense of humor at all. We made a quick stop along the way at a food co-op that featured the cast of “Hair. ” And then finally, I arrived at my vacation destination.

When I checked in, no one put a white hood over my head, and no one asked me to join a cult. Instead, they led me to my room, which was actually a small cabin. I was a bit alarmed when I saw the mezuzah on my door, especially since none of the other cabins had them. I decided they must somehow know I’m a Jew. Did they research me? Did I check a box on the registration form?

With paranoia flowing over me, I got into my little bed, surrounded by books written in Hebrew and pictures of the Wailing Wall, and I went to sleep.

Over the next few days, I learned all about the proper ways to relax. The people who taught me were so… calm and content. They told me about spirits and gurus and levels of consciousness and how to correctly breathe. I tried foods I would never have ordered off a menu, and spent hours talking to people from all over the world. We talked about internal strife, and conflict in the world, and peace and love and blah blah blah. But you know what? According to one of the people here, my “energy has shifted to a more positive place since I first arrived.” And I have to agree.

Why? Because I have learned something very important.

What I have learned sounds like something that I would have absolutely laughed at last week, but today makes perfect sense. Here it is: the only thing that we can control in this world is the way we feel. We can’t control other people’s ignorance or selfishness. We can’t control all of the madness around us. We can only control how we react to it all.

And just like that, everything has come into focus for me. I have spent hours obsessing over the Las Vegas shooter, trying to figure out what outside source must have caused him to commit such a heinous crime. Could it possibly be that there’s no one and nothing to blame, except for this guy? Could all of this anger and hatred come from the one place that no one could have predicted? Is the entire key to life finding out how to deal with the emotions and feelings that we have coming from deep within our souls?

Is the reason that I am here not because I took an Ambien? Instead, could I be here because my spirit guide wanted me to be here? Have I not blogged in so many months because my creative chakra was blocked by negative energy? Is everything in life pre-determined and the only way we screw things up is by letting our egos override our true destiny? Did I know I liked curry so much?

All this, and I get to wear yoga pants and sweats all day long! No one cares about my appearance (which is ironic, as I am probably the only person ever to have gotten their hair blown out before going to an ashram.) But I swear, I am suddenly much calmer.

The true test will be how much of this I will retain once I return home. But as I sit here tonight, in my little Jewish cabin, I do very much believe in the power of inner peace and tranquility. I do believe that there is some other force out there helping me make the right decisions, and that that force is not a prescription sleeping pill.

I have also decided that it doesn’t matter why I ended up in the Jewish cabin. Maybe it’s a sign that although I don’t have a specific god or guru that I worship, I can still believe in a higher power.

So I come home tomorrow: to phone messages and texts and unlimited access to the bad news of the world. The people here told me to spread the white light from my internal organs to all the people of the world, so I hope this blog is doing the job. They also told me to keep everyone laughing because my moon is currently in the seventh house and Jupiter is aligning with Mars.

But if peace can guide the planets, then love will steer the stars. Or something like that.

Breathe, relax and laugh. Take care of yourself.

Namaste for now.

OMMMM…igoodness. When I can't sleep, I will take an Ambien to help me relax and fall asleep. However, I have done a lot of crazy things after taking Ambien.

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