It's been a whole minute since I wrote in here last. I had to take some time for my mental health. After recovering from pneumonia and then trying to get my feeder through it while not being fully recovered myself, I felt myself becoming too fixated and dare I say obsessed with gaining daily and the number on the scale. I knew logically that things were going to fluctuate, and they have, I just found I was getting too down on myself if I didn't gain. It gave me flashbacks and I needed some separation. I needed to just be present in the moment again. I just had my first weigh-in this morning in over 1 month, and it looks like not paying attention has worked. I have gained 3.6 lbs (1.6kg) in a month!!! I am very close to falling off the edge and into uncharted waters of being the heaviest and biggest I have ever been... ever, and I am both excited and every nervous at the same time, but it seems my hibernation weight is here to stay!
Sometimes you just have one of those moments where the progress we've made as a culture get thrown into stark relief. You look at something and go "Holy shit, that would never have happened when I was a kid."
Today, I had one of those moments when I realized that the teenage boys I'm working with are just. genuinely, openly enthusiastic about going to Build-a-Bear for their outing.
These are sixteen and seventeen year old boys! They just had a whole conversation about what to name their "cute", mostly new squishmallows! They're genuinely excited that they're going to Build-a-Bear this weekend and asking other kids to pick up specific accessories for them!!
Holy shit, that never would've happened when I was 16. None of the boys would have dared to be visibly interested - and neither would most of the girls! There would have been a million gay jokes and "Haha, you're a girl" jokes and "What are you, a baby?" jokes. Teenagers weren't even supposed to care about anything back then!
Less than 15 years later, and I'm watching three 17 year old boys treat all that as not even worthy of comment.
So let's call that a reason for hope. Even when the kids aren't alright, in some ways apparently they are alright. Go Gen Z, honestly. It's so lovely to watch you guys just openly doing and saying stuff that, when I was a teen, would've been a social death sentence.
I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.
listen... if my wildest expectations and greatest dreams come true and hot rod/rodimus shows up in earthspark... he can't just stumble onto the maltos' property or come in some generic ship or escape pod or even the fucking lost light.
plushies.... are one of... the best things. ever created. here is this animal that i love. i'm gonna make a little version just so i can hold it close. i'm scared of the things that go bump in the night, but this soft friend will protect me. a lion, a tiger, dogs cats bunnies... they're here to keep me safe. i love that.
Thank you, tumblr friends. I am full to the brim with pizza, but one scroll through my page, and I am legit drooling on myself for so much dessert. I will make room and have what I crave, even if it is in a few minutes/hours from now. I have to finish my dinner first cause I am a good girl!
Full disclosure this picture was from a few days ago. I forgot to post it. My brain is fuzzy lately...
Comm for an anonymous user, who presented me with a fun task I'd never actually done before for an audio. Normally I love drinking soda or some other carbonated drink to help get the burps up, but they wanted to hear what I could do without that. I ended up really liking how they sounded in the end, even though my belly ached a lot more thanks to my burps getting stuck! Ate at least a pound of pasta for this, which of course made for some good groans too as I got full.
Tav: It's nice to have you on the- godsdamn you're massive- anyway we've got a few people to introduce you to- hells those arms are like tree trunks, huh?- there's gale, he's a bit handsy and eats shoes. Astarion bites if you get to close- wow that's a whole lotta elf, huh?- well uhh, Wyll over there, he may look like a devil but he's a real sweet guy- think he's got the hots for you too, heard him calling you a hunk earlier-uhhh i gotta go!
Drank 6,000 calories in a sitting! From the tub being filled with water while I soaked my body. It lifted my body fat up allowing me to down way to much 🫠.
Going to bed and to rub my food baby to sleep. It hurts