#tbh this. isn’t well written but it’s here!!! I don’t care what you think!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kakujis · 9 months

Text

what do i call you?;

summary: oliver thinks you'll be easy, just like the other girls he's slept with. but things are different when you don't cave in like he wants. pt 1 | 2

warnings: college!au, afab!fem reader, fratboy!oliver, wildcard!kunigami, this one is a bit angsty, oliver is actually a big softie, situationships, implied fwb with kunigami + karasu, one sided pining (oliver), oral f!receiving, praise, pet names, p*ssyjob, swearing, mentions of drinking, reader is confused on her feelings, if i missed anything lmk, around 7.1k

an: this took me literal months... send help. well, it's finally here! after months of sitting in my drafts half written, i was able to finish it. if the smut is bad, i'm sorry idk how i did it before LMFAO. thanks to zen for letting me ramble about this in their dms for months. tbh i think this is the longest fic i've written so far and ofc it's about this guy LOL. also, i may or may not have a mini playlist for this so lmk if u any of u would like the link :>. resident of: @enchantedforest-network

the first time you “meet” oliver aiku, it’s the morning after you were a drunken mess on your best friend’s back. it’s not that he’s surprised to see someone that isn’t sendou shuto in his kitchen, it’s the fact that you’re not walking out yet. instead, you fix yourself a bowl of cereal, barely paying any mind to the brunette watching you. before he can speak you leave, padding back to sendou’s room.

the second time happens when he catches a glimpse of you in the library with karasu tabito. your arms hanging around his shoulders in a back hug, as you peer down at his laptop. he notes the proximity and nonchalant demeanor of karasu, typing away while he talks to you about his latest class, even with your cheek pressed against his. maybe you’re his girlfriend, he thinks, before shrugging and moving on.

the third time happens when you stumble down a hallway at a party, bumping into him as you giggle out a quick, “sorry!” but kunigami rensuke isn’t far behind, grabbing your hand and scolding you before he offers an half assed apology as well. he doesn’t think much of it, preoccupied by his own date, until he sees kunigami pick you up as you babble in his ear about something.

the official meeting is when you’re having a movie night with sendou at his dorm again. your head lays in the red head’s lap, texting your friends as you give distracted “mhm”s to whatever sendou’s saying.

“are you even paying attention?” sendou asks, eyes flickering between you and the screen. before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“sen, i really don’t care about whichever gravure idol you’re into right now.” you reply, before your lips curve up into a smile at whatever text you’re reading.

for once, he’s unsure what this feeling is inside him. is it jealousy? awe? he can’t pinpoint the reason why his dual toned eyes always trail to you, taking in your pretty form. but he’s oliver aiku, he could probably get into your pants if he tried hard enough.

he slides down onto the couch, slinging an arm over sendou. “whatcha watchin’?” he’s not really paying attention to what’s on the tv, their voices muffled as he notes your form through his peripheral.

the red-head shrugs, “some romcom that she picked out and isn’t even watching.” he pokes your head, “at least introduce yourself.”

“mm?” you hum, moving your phone away to peek up at oliver. from the way you’re positioned you’re viewing him upside down. you readjust, twisting and pushing yourself up onto your knees, leaning over with one outstretched hand. “hi, i’m y/n.”

“you’re blocking the screen!” sendou exclaims, but you don’t move, eyes locked on the brunette across from you.

oliver tries his best not to leer, really, but he drinks you up with his eyes. it’s hard not to since you’re wearing a shirt that’s clearly too big with the way it falls off one shoulder. he thinks you’d look pretty underneath him and wonders if you make even prettier sounds.

he reaches over to shake your hand, to sendou’s dismay, and maybe it’s cliche but he swears he feels a spark for the very first time. it’s something that gets his heart racing, something new and exciting.

“i’m oliver, nice to officially meet you.”

the upcoming months blur and melt into each other, there’s not much to be noted. beyond you coming over every so often to hang out with sendou, what is there beyond soccer practice, classes half paid attention to, and meaningless hookups? frat parties? sure, you both attend them. with each other? not necessarily.

no, you continue to evade oliver aiku’s grasp.

“i can’t,” the text reads, “i promised to go with kunigami.”

he frowns, before typing back: “maybe next time then?”

“maybe.”

it’s fine, he thinks, fixing himself another cup of alcohol. he’ll find another girl, it’s easy. but even the ones he’s been with before, the ones who always answer his texts for a quick fuck are starting to bore him.

it doesn’t help that when you arrive you look so good or that you excitedly greet everyone with a smile and a hug. his hands always linger on the small of your back until you pull away, scampering back over to your date.

it’s confusing, you swear up and down that you aren’t dating kunigami, but anyone would think you’re with him. especially when your arms are always laced around him, body pressed against his as the two of you talk. he’s always wondered what you could possibly be talking about, kunigami isn’t much for words let alone full blown conversations. but maybe he’s like oliver, fallen deep for how easy it is to talk to you.

seconds tick into minutes, which turn to hours and before either of you knows it, you’re tipsy, lips curled into a smile as you giggle and shout while your friends play beer bong. he leans against the wall with sendou, trying his best to not stare.

“you could try talking to her more.” his friend says, breaking the silence between the two. “or are you just gonna stare at her forever?”

“is she with kunigami or not?” he asks, ignoring the question, “every time i ask her out i get turned down.”

“yeah, i dunno either, she doesn’t really answer that.” sendou replies, taking another sip of his beer. “i think she’s just messing around, if that helps.”

if that helps - oliver is pretty sure it doesn’t, but he knows sendou isn’t going to tell him everything. still, the vague response pisses him off.

there’s also the fact that the two of you have similar friend groups and that you’re a clingy drunk that throws him off. when he finds you in kunigami’s arms again, dozing away in the crook of his neck, the grip intensifies on his cup, indenting the red plastic. his close friends notice it too, the weight of his stare is heavy as if there’s on a spotlight right where you’re sitting.

but he puts the facade back on when another girl approaches, a welcoming distraction. she’s cute and he recognizes her as being part of his fraternity’s sister sorority. unfortunately, he just can’t focus on her and what she’s saying. his eyes continue to flicker back to you, hot jealousy continuing to bubble in his stomach when he sees kunigami’s hand rub circles on your inner thigh.

the girl is still talking and he’s doing his best to at least nod when she finishes a sentence. but the final straw is when you sleepily smile at kunigami, as he reads your lips, ‘that tickles!’.

“hey,” he interrupts, grabbing the closest friend to him, “could you excuse me for a second? by the way, this is sendou.”

it was brief but for a moment, sendou felt it. the too tight grip on his shoulder and the nails digging into his skin through this cotton tee indicated one thing: jealousy. but before he can speak, oliver’s maneuvering his way through the crowd with a one track mind.

when he makes it over to you, your grip on kunigami’s shirt is so tight as his hand continues snaking it’s way under the hem of your skirt. you’re not sure if the heat is coming from desire or the alcohol swimming through your veins. your gaze is something oliver’s seen before with countless other girls, it’s sweet, but laced with want.

“hey, pretty girl.” he says, voice cutting through the air like a knife.

you tear away from kunigami’s gaze, smiling cutely when you see who it is. “oliver~ hii,” you sing, twisting a little out of the ginger’s grasp to reach your arms out towards him. “come, come.”

his heart thumps against his chest and he moves closer to bend down and give you a side hug. “what’s up?”

“mm, nothin’,” you chime, tilting your head to the side, “just hangin’ out, right rennie?”

rensuke nods, but his eyes are locked on oliver, clearly annoyed at the interruption. his arm finds it’s way around your waist, pulling you closer.

as fast as you make oliver’s heart race, you’re just as quick to make it drop. it’s a nickname and nothing more, right? so why does it feel like he’s going to throw up? something that sounds sweet on your tongue feels sour on his.

there’s something beyond the disdain that he hides behind his forced smile and if oliver's one thing, it’s petty.

“aren’t you a little too drunk, y/n?” he asks, grabbing your arm before pulling you up, maybe it’s the irritation but he almost yanks you out of the ginger’s grip.

it catches rensuke off guard as you stumble up and out of his lap. you’re shaky on your feet, but oliver’s there to replace not only kunigami but any thought inside your pretty head.

if you weren’t so drunk you’d probably notice the hammering of his heart as you wrap your arms around his neck for stability.

“carry me?” you slur and he nods, chest swelling with pride because tonight he won.

“of course, wouldn’t want anyone takin’ advantage of you.” he smirks, leveling his gaze with kunigami.

if he was being honest, he would probably lose if he got into a fight with him. yet, the sweet satisfaction that he can hold onto in this moment overtakes that thought. with your head on his shoulder, you start to doze off, missing the way kunigami stands with balled fists.

“what do you think you’re doing, aiku?” he starts, before moving forward, but oliver steps back.

“making sure y/n’s alright,” he says, “besides you were pretty touchy just now.”

“cause she’s my date.” he states, starting to get irritated with how every step he takes forward oliver takes another back.

“and she’s had too much to drink, right y/n?” you mumble something incoherent and oliver nods. “see?”

the air is tense. not only is oliver edging kunigami on but the group playing beer pong has noticed and quieted down. before things continue to escalate, karasu swings by, wrapping an arm around the wildcard’s shoulders.

“oi, rensuke we need someone to fill in fer otoya.” he says, eyeing oliver as well. if only he could laugh at the irony.

if it isn’t number one and number two. he thinks, recalling the amount of time he’s seen you, arms linked with karasu’s as you wander the halls to your next class. but three is the luckiest number, or so he’ll hope. and besides, hierarchies can always change.

rensuke’s quick to shrug the crow off, the scowl on his face ever present, but tabito doesn’t seem to mind. he’s too focused on the sleeping girl in oliver’s arms.

“well, i don’t really feel like fighting today,” oliver continues, “so we’ll be on our way.” he walks off before the other two can get a word out, nodding to sendou who seems pleased to talk to someone about himself.

there’s only the sound of the shoes on pavement as oliver walks you home. nestled in his arms, you sometimes perk up to mumble something incoherent or make a noise in his ear. he doesn’t mind, the campus is nice and quiet at night.

“oliverr,” you slur out, “where are we goin?”

“home, princess.” he answers, making sure to call you all the nicknames he wants.

“your dorm?” you ask and he swears the red tips of his ears are from the cold. but it’s not cold at all, it’s the middle spring semester.

“if you want?” he jokes, before quickly adding, “nah, yours.” he’s told himself before that if he waits it out, he’ll get to you. but it’s been a few months of this back and forth, where you feel so close yet so far.

“we can’t go to my place!” you whine, “i forgot my key.”

“and where’s your roommate?” he asks, stopping, because he’s realized another thing. he doesn’t even know where your dorm is.

“at the party,” you pout, before pulling away and looking at him. “you’re cute, oliver. you should date her.”

he gives a dry laugh, heart only semi-crushed. you think he’s cute. he’ll take it, especially when it’s beat accelerates further when you push his bangs back.

“sweaty.” you note, before wiping at his brow.

“hey,” he says, knowing that a blush has crept onto his cheeks, “stay on track here. where am i taking you tonight?”

“your place.” you furrow your brow. “how many times do i have to say that?”

“sorry! just making sure.” he says, shrugging before resuming the walk. it’s not too far off course, if there ever was a course to begin with.

you settle back into place, head on his shoulder, and humming to yourself. oliver appreciates the music.

“not gonna take my offer, eh?” you ask, breath tickling his neck. “she’s pretty, funny, but not as funny as me, remember that.”

“i don’t think i’ve met her before, have i?” he asks, scanning his mind of recent memory. truth be told, he can’t recall you showing up with anyone that wasn’t a guy on the soccer team.

“hm? you know everyone.” you counter.

feigning innocence, he asks,“do i?”

“maybe its because you’ve met soo many girls, you don’t remember her.” you retort and he winces inwardly at the disdain clear in your voice.

“c’mon now,” he says, “i really don’t know that many.”

you hum, “mm, i bet if i didn’t show up as often you wouldn’t remember me-”

he’s quick to cut you off, “not true.” it’s too early to say he loves you, maybe infatuated is a better word.

“if you say so,” you sigh, mind still buzzed and muddied. “are we there yet? i’m sleepy.”

“just up the stairs,” he mutters, “feel free to fall asleep.”

when the two of you arrive at the dorm, you’re fast asleep. he tries to move you onto the couch but you continue to cling, grumpy moans coming from you as he tries to pry you off.

“you’ll kill me if you wake up in my bed,” he mutters, so he carries you off to sendou’s room. “here, it’s sen’s bed.”

“don’t go, i need to cuddle with someone,” you mumble, words still slightly slurred, “til sen comes back at least.”

he stills, knee sinking into the mattress, one hand on your back the other on the bed to steady himself. “you’re gonna kill me when you wake up.” he murmurs, but suddenly the perfume you’ve wearing smells really good. so does your hair and even the skin sticky with sweat is appealing. he wants to stay.

“noo, i won’t,” you whisper, the scent of alcohol still heavy in your breath. “promise.”

“…you want me to stay that badly?” he jokes, inwardly cursing at how easy you make him crumble.

he swears his heart nearly stops when you giggle out a “yeah.”

he settles in, maneuvering the two of you so that you’re laying on his chest. you fall back asleep quickly, nuzzling into him while your arm is splayed across him.

it’s comfortable, he thinks, different from the other girls who get up and leave him after sex. not that he ever asks them to stay, actually preferring it when they leave. but he didn’t realize that someone could actually feel this good in his arms.

“i think i’m actually falling in love,” he scoffs in disbelief, before throwing a palm up to his forehead, a grin plastered on his face. “goodnight, princess.”

he’s not surprised that you left before he woke up that morning. what’s actually surprising is how you seem to avoid him more lately afterwards. at least before you’d throw a few snarky remarks his way and listen to him talk for a bit before you’d inevitably wander back to your phone.

it’s been about two weeks since that night and oliver’s got the message enough to leave you alone for most of the time you’re over. even when you come over for a movie night, he’ll try to keep his talks to you at a minimum. sometimes inviting over another teammate to fill up the awkward silences.

even before the incident, he thought that maybe there’s a reason for it. a reason that he contemplates more one day as he watches you from the corner of his eye. there’s a reason why you’ll lay in sendou’s lap and not his, why you’ll hold hands with your other friends and not him, why they get meals while he gets scraps.

he’s got it half right. there’s been too many texts from sendou asking how to get a crying girl out of his dorm, too often have there been “and that’s another one out the dorm,” calls.

there’s a reason you keep him at arms length, why the most affection you’ll do is give him a quick hug. but he feels that you’re chipping down ever so slightly with each hang out, each party, and each “goodnight.”

is that why tonight you don’t follow sendou to his room when he says goodnight? why you awkwardly fiddle with your hands, something he’s noticed you do when you’re nervous. he misses you and he feels a little more ambitious or perhaps insane for thinking that you might miss him too.

he clears his throat, prompting you to peek at him from his side of the couch. “you goin’ to bed?”

to his relief, you shake your head answering, “not yet, you?”

“depends. you want company?” he asks, sliding over to where you’re sitting.

you giggle, something he hasn’t heard from his end in weeks, giving in to his little game. besides, no one else will text you back this late at night, “i don’t know, do i?”

he grins, “i think so.” emboldened, he glides his hand underneath your blanket, before he presses his hand against your thigh. he waits a second to see if you’ll stop him, but you don’t.

his hand trails up until it’s dipping past the waistband of your shorts. he smirks when he feels the wet patch on your undies, “and here i thought you didn’t like me.”

your breath hitches slightly, “what do you mean? i’m always nice to you.”

“thats debatable.” he mumbles, slipping your panties aside to ghost his fingers up and down your slit. “especially lately, you don’t even wanna look at me.”as he’s about to sink a finger in, you jolt forward, grabbing his wrist.

“wait!” you gasp, chest heaving. he stops, just like you ask, never having seen you so flustered before.

“waiting.” he says, doing his best to not have his mind too muddied by the heaviness in his pants.

“i don’t want to.. um, i don’t think we should fuck.” you stumble over your words, unable to take your eyes off his hand.

he blinks, “okay.” he won’t push it. retreating, he tries to sit back, but you don’t remove the grip on his wrist. “uh, are you gonna-“

“we could… do other things though.” you mumble, but you release his hand and push it away anyway. “actually, nevermind.”

he grins, finally getting it. “so you want me to finger you, is that it?”

“do you have to put it that way?” you groan, laying back and covering your face with your hands.

“finger fucking?” he jokes, but he’s slinking back forward, his hand traveling back to it’s rightful spot.

you groan again, but not without spreading your legs for him and he smiles.

“not gonna talk to me?” he continues, one thumb slowly stroking your cunt through the fabric of your panties.

“do you want me to change my mind?” you answer, muffled by the sleeves of your hoodie.

“please don’t,” he laughs, before tugging at your clothing. “can i?”

you nod again and he’s quick to pull them off. it’s his turn to lose his breath, lost in how pretty your folds glisten for him.

change of plans, he thinks as he levels himself down onto the bed.

“oliver?” you call, peeking through your fingers again.

“as long as we don’t fuck right?” he asks, licking his lips and you can read the anticipation clear on his face. but he’ll wait for you to say yes, like a dog on a leash.

you nod again, the both of your hearts hammering as you do and he dives in. he starts slow to savor it, his tongue moving with long languid strokes between your folds.

he knew you’d taste good, but not this good. even better are the noises you make, well the ones you’re trying to hide. he glances up at you, your face contorted as you bite down on the sleeve of your jacket. a heavy blush creeps onto his face, you’re so pretty.

you arch your back as he slides his tongue over your clit, bringing his fingers up to prod at your opening. he continues to work his tongue over your already swollen clit, suckling out mewls from your lips. when he sinks his fingers in, your jaw drops as you gasp out a “fuck!”

covering your mouth again, you whimper as he picks up the pace. he wants to hear that pretty voice again, so he curls his digits up inside your gummy walls and to his delight, you sob out again.

by now he’s realizing he actually has shit self control. pushing your clothing up, he pulls off your already swollen clit, readjusting himself as he starts to leave sloppy kisses up the expanse of your belly.

“i wanna hear you, i wanna see you,” he mumbles, latching onto your neck and sucking in a mark. “besides, sendou’s asleep.” he actually has no clue if his best friend’s asleep, he’s just so high on you that he doesn’t care.

“take me to your room then,” you whimper, conceding, breathless and squirming. he smiles against the crook of your neck before removing his fingers from your cunt. he picks you up fast, scooping you up as you tremble in his embrace.

he practically sprints to his room, slamming the door shut before throwing you into his bed. you scramble to take the rest of your clothes off. he wanted to see, remember?

you tug on his shirt, it’s only fair if you take your clothes off that he does too. “hey… take this off.”

“i thought we weren’t fucking?” he laughs, but you raise a brow.

“do we need to fuck if we’re naked?” you scoff, but in reality, you feel a bit too exposed.

he grins, shrugging, “nah.” then he’s quick to take off his own before pushing you down. “let me finish eating, yeah?”

you settle back, sighing out a breathless, “yeah.”

with your legs spread so nicely, it’s easy for him to get back to work. he spreads your eager folds with his thumbs, admiring your pretty pussy before spitting down a lob of saliva. you jolt at the feeling, but he uses an arm to keep you still. he has work to do. his tongue begins lapping back at your folds before diving into your cunt, slurping at the arousal leaking onto his sheets.

oliver’s not typically a giver, maybe having only given a couple times in all of hookups. but this was different, he could probably eat you out for hours if you could stay a twitching, mewling mess underneath. perhaps he was starving, growling as he pulls you in even closer and you find your hands in his hair.

as his name leaves your lips like a chant, he continues to tongue fuck you, your slick trailing down his chin. your core burns as you grind onto him, chasing after your release, his stubble lightly scratching across your skin.

he switches, latching back onto your clit with nimble fingers working their way inside you. “cum for me, baby.” he murmurs, curling his fingers up again just how you like it. “you’re so fucking good for me, you know that?”

“s-shut up,” you sob, but the praise hits in all the right places as you arch your back. another indication that you like it is the harsher pull on his strands, a string of obscenities leaving your mouth.

“aw, i’m just tryna make you feel good,” he muses as he hears your first frustrated noise from pulling away. “close huh?”

“oliver, please.” you whimper, brow furrowed as you gaze down at him. you’re so close, but just his fingers scissoring you isn’t enough.

he tilts his head, “please what?” he asks, and you wonder when he got so fucking bold. “use your words.” maybe it’s the blood rushing straight to his head that’s got him out of sorts, but for the first time he’s got you where he wants you. he may be the one caged between your thighs, but you're the one that’s stuck in his web, begging for release.

his fingers continuously moving in and out of you makes your eyelids flutter, especially when he picks up the pace. “i wanna cum, please,” you beg, “please, please, please.”

he laughs out an “that wasn’t so hard right?”, before he’s back onto your bundle of nerves. he seeks out the friction of the bed for his own pleasure, his cock hard and heavy as he grinds out against the sheets.

right now though, the focus is on you. the focus is the way your thighs clench closer together, boxing him in, letting him know when what he does is good. it’s the way you greedily grind up into his face, tumbling his name off your lips like it’s the only thing you know how to say.

you finally burst when oliver murmurs, “so fucking good for me,” his breath hot on your clit. he finger fucks you through your orgasm, continuously praising you, “good job, beautiful, that’s it.”

you pant, pushing at his hand when you’ve started to get overstimulated. he slips out, but pushes you back when you start to reach for his cock. you watch with doe eyes as he smears your slick across his cock, stroking himself.

“keep your legs open.” he says, eyes lidded. “i won’t fuck you, don’t worry.” he reassures when he sees your eyes widen more.

you comply, still slightly twitching from your orgasm, when he settles himself between your folds again. he’s not far off, not when he’s been drunk off the sound and taste of you. but the wetness between your folds has his head spinning. he slips so easily between them, he wishes he could just slide into you, but he’s good at keeping his promises.

he uses one hand to keep his cockhead pressed firmly against you. you think it’s messy, his hand covered in arousal, precum, and saliva but you’re both a little mesmerized by the scene. the two of you make eye contact and he breathes out, “you’re so beautiful.”

“stop complimenting me,” you pout, before you’re pulling him down to rest his forehead against yours. “or else i’ll kill you.”

“i thought you were gonna say you’d fall in love with me,” he muses, lips barely ghosting over yours as he continues to rut in between your folds.

“in your dreams, oliver.” you murmur, but you tilt up and kiss him anyway. you taste yourself on him but can’t seem to care, as his tongue slips in to intertwine with yours.

that’s enough to set him off, shuddering as he comes undone on your belly. white hot ropes paint your skin and you pull away, lips swollen. you fall back on the bed, the only sound the two of you panting.

oliver lays down next to you, staring at the ceiling. he brings his hand up, staring at his sticky fingers covered in fluid.

“gross,” you cringe and he peeks over at you. “clean me up?”

“sure.” he’s quick to get up, grabbing a box of tissues by his bed.

“all men are the same.” you groan, but there’s a smile dancing on your face.

“yeah, this is the brand sendou and i prefer.” he jokes and you smack him playfully. he uses the tissues to clean his hand first before moving onto you, scooping up the remnants of what just happened. he pauses when he moves lower, looking at you.

are we… anything? he wants to ask, but he bites his tongue when he notices you staring back. he cleans up the rest, before asking, “so, what now?”

“i’m gonna shower, that’s what.” you say, pushing yourself up and grabbing your clothes. you don’t put them on, there’s no point since both the guys in this dorm have seen all of you.

as you turn the knob to leave, he asks, “can i join you?”

you scoff, shooting him a look. “absolutely not.”

he figured you’d say that.

it’s only 8pm on a saturday when sendou’s phone blows up.

“sorry,” he says, reading the letters of your name across the screen. “i gotta take this.”

it’s a rare night in, oliver’s own phone buzzing with “where are you?” texts from his friends. he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you, the way you squirmed and moaned for him was enough to set him over. falling further into the sticky web of your hold.

when sendou walks back in, the expression on his face is mixed with concern and confusion.

“something happen?” oliver asks, pausing the movie.

“uhh.. yeah i think so.” sendou answers, scratching the back of his neck. “i think y/n’s coming over.”

there’s confusion washed over the brunette’s features. he’s not sure why this visit is so concerning, you’ve changed your mind before. saying no to movie night yet coming over unannounced anyway.

sendou sighs, “don’t freak out when she gets here.” he’s not an idiot. he’s seen basically every spare glance that oliver’s thrown your way, the schedule modifications to come home more often to see you, the way his smile lingers on you when you do almost anything. he sees the way oliver deflates when you’re with someone else, it’s quick when it happens, almost uncatchable.

“and why would i do that?” he’s joking, but the knot in his stomach is turning. what is it? you’re coming over to tell them all about your great fuckin’ date with rensuke? even after almost sleeping together, you still ran right back to kunigami when he called for you.

sendou rolls his eyes, before repeating himself, “seriously. don’t.”

oliver throws his arms up in surrender, “okay, okay.”

when do you barge in you’re in the same hoodie you wore the night you came undone under oliver’s mouth. the nervous smile on his face falls when he hears you sniffling. when the two of you make eye contact, your puffy red-lines eyes looking into his, he feels something break.

you blink, and then you blink again, as you try to fight back the tears that eagerly wish to spill. instinctively, you tug at the sleeves of your sweater trying to self-soothe yourself. you try to speak multiple times, only to stop and let out little huffs of air. it hurts too much.

sendou speaks first, gently rubbing your back as he guides you over to the couch. “hey… take some deep breaths.” you shake your head, balling your hands into fists as you continue to cry.

“want me to leave?” oliver asks, as much as he doesn’t want to, he knows you’re more comfortable when he’s not around. to both his and sendou’s surprise, you shake your head again, reaching out to him with trembling hands.

he sits closer and you lean down to lay in his lap, “l-let me cry here.” you mumble, grabbing his hand and placing it on the top of your head. “rub my head.”

oliver can’t help but laugh a little bit, “sure.” he nods over to sendou, whose eyes could possibly launch from their sockets. “hey, you heard her, rub her back.”

“pretty sure she said ‘head’” he retorts, but starts doing it anyway. while sendou’s eyes wander the room, sometimes glancing at the remote wondering if he should start the movie back up; oliver’s are glued on you.

he cards through your hair, eyes soft on your hiccuping form. he thinks you feel like his girlfriend, maybe if someone else saw, you’d look like it too. maybe he’ll ask sendou later. it’s a few more moments of your sniffling before you finally speak.

“do you guys think i’m stupid?” you ask, reaching out for the remote and turning whatever movie they had playing on.

“sometimes, yeah,” sendou answers and both you and oliver are quick to smack him. “ow! i thought you wanted the truth? and why the hell are you hitting me?!” he exclaims, one finger pointed towards the brunette.

oliver shrugs, “because you said something stupid?”

“i agree,” you sniffle, but there’s the smallest hint of a smile on your face. “you’re supposed to lie, idiot.”

“if i lie will you tell us what happened?” he asks, leaning back against the armrest.

“don’t even have to lie, i’ll just tell you.” you sigh, lowering the volume down on the tv. you start to tap on oliver’s knee since you’re nervous, but he continues to play with your hair.

“so you know how rensuke and i were… thinking of being something?” you start. you feel oliver’s hand pause when you say that, but he starts back up again. “anyway, he called it off today. he gave me an ultimatum that i didn’t wanna take.”

“which was?” sen asks, brow raised.

“i couldn’t see you two anymore.” you answer, “like i wouldn’t choose my best friends?”

“since when is oliver your best friend?” sendou asks, perplexed.

since she came on my face in my bedroom, he muses, but you answer with a “since i decided.”

“are you guys doing shit behind my back?” the redhead asks and the two of you look at each other.

“no,” you say, face heating up as you stare into pretty dual tone eyes, “we don’t do anything.”

not only is the blush on his face clearly visible, but so is the smirk. “not a thing,” he agrees. “if anything, we just… chill.”

you mouth out an “oliver!” but he shrugs, before using his thumb to wipe at the remnants of tears on your cheek. if you weren’t trying to hide from the current accusations, you’d probably just keen up into his touch.

“i don’t wanna know.” sendou groans, breaking the two of you out of trance. he gets up, turning the tv off and flickering his gaze towards you. “sleeping in my room tonight?”

you swallow, before nodding again, finally tearing your gaze away from oliver. “yeah, i’ll be there in a sec.”

you sit up as sendou leaves, the click of his door indicating when the two of you are alone. you feel vulnerable. you pull your knees up, hugging them, before you start to talk.

“i really liked him, y’know?” you mumble, “but i never really got the same vibe back.”

oliver’s silent, arms crossed and head thrown back as he stares up at the ceiling. he doesn’t particularly care to hear just how much you liked rensuke, but he’s not about to leave now.

you continue, “i think he wanted someone to blow off steam with, which isn’t bad, but… i wanted him to actually like me. like-like me, not just to be thrown away later on. i thought he could be my first real boyfriend.”

“why are you telling me this?” he asks, trying to keep his tone neutral. “wouldn’t you rather tell sen?”

you shake your head, looking back at him slightly. “no, i like talking to you more. about this stuff anyway, you seem to actually listen to me. sen’s not bad, but i dunno, he doesn’t really give me sound advice.”

“what’d he tell you to do last time?” he asks, semi-agreeing already that sendou really isn’t the best advice giver.

“sleep with karasu.” you deadpan, inwardly cringing at how awkward that interaction was.

“and did you?” he asks, voice a little ptiched.

“no! everyone thinks so, but no.” you failed, thankfully, unable to actually go through with it. but you made a friend with tabito, one that listens to your ramblings when you visit.

oliver sits up a little and you snap your head back forward, embarrassment eating at you. “did you two… do anything?” he’s started to realize something.

you shake your head again, hoping he doesn’t notice how feeble you feel. but he can’t notice that because he feels like he’s on cloud nine. “have you slept with anyone?” he asks, heart pounding.

what comes up must always come down and to his dismay, you nod, mumbling out a name that leaves him slaw jacked. “sendou. like, twice…. why am i sharing this information with you?”

“seriously? sendou?” he’s not sure whether this means that his friendship has ended, but it does maybe make some sense that you’re so comfortable around him. beyond best friends, anyway.

you spin around, “listen! it was when we had just graduated high school. we’d never slept with anyone before .. so, seriously, why am i telling you this?!”

he won’t lie, the panicked look on your face is cute, so much so that he’s a little less pissed off. “okay, okay. i get it,” he says, placing a hand on your shoulder. “you don’t have to tell me anything else.”

sometimes, you don’t understand how oliver can be so sweet, but you sure are grateful for it. you smile at him and his heart melts a little. it’s so much better when you aren’t crying.

he pats your head before getting up.

“oliver?” you call, but he smiles at you and it’s your turn to feel your heart flutter.

“you should get some sleep,” he says, “it’s late. you want water before you go though?” padding over to the kitchen to fix you a glass of water.

you nod, “mhm.” before getting up yourself and following after him. he hands you the glass and he thinks it’s strange. the first time you stood in this kitchen, you didn’t even look his way. but now, you look at him clearly. sure, it’s not the ideal situation and you are leaving to go sleep in another guy’s bed, but it’s enough.

one step closer to you is worth it. it shouldn’t be long now, he thinks, you’ll be his in due time. but he doesn’t notice the confusion on your face when you grab the glass. the moment your fingers touch you feel it too, that all familiar pull, the one you were trying (and failing) to avoid. you duck away when you move towards sendou’s room, hoping he can’t hear the way your heart pounds within your chest.

it can’t be him.

“that fucking stings!” oliver hisses, instinctively pulling away from you.

you frown, “i don’t know why you went to me and not like, the campus nurse or a hospital.” you recenter his face, gripping his chin between your index finger and thumb.

“why would i go there when i’ve got my guardian angel here?” he teases before wincing again as you press the cloth to his busted lip.

“i’ve got to stop the bleeding,” you mumble, ignoring his comment. oliver thinks you look so cute when concern paints your face, he’d kiss you if you let him, despite his lip. “i still can’t believe you did that.”

“did what?” he asks.

“get your ass beat,” you snort, removing the pressure from his lip before handing him an ice pack. “here.”

“he made you cry, like i wasn’t gonna beat his ass?” he counters, correcting you and if he could pout, he would.

“oliver. that was weeks ago, no one asked you to do something so stupid,” you sigh, swiveling around to look for bandages. “there was no point.”

“no one asked you to date stupid guys,” he retorts, but man does it hurt. more than his lip or his bruised cheek, the fact that no matter what you won’t look at him the same way you do others.

“i just don’t get why you’d do something so dumb.” you say, closing the medicine cabinet while holding a box of band aids. you’re so nonchalant about it it’s infuriating. why don’t you get it?

he blinks, before scoffing, “what am i to you?”

“you’re… oliver.” you say, tensing, suddenly not liking the direction this conversation is going.

“that’s it?” he almost can’t believe it, that after everything, he’s just still oliver.

“what do you want me to say?” you sigh, voice coming out a little irritated. you’ve never done well with confrontation, especially not when it comes to feelings like this.

he sets the ice pack down before continuing, “that i’m important to you, more than just some dude you string along for fun.”

“what are you even talking about?” you exasperate, because really, what does he want? he knows you two aren’t anything, nothing more than friends and yet he tries so hard. so hard it makes your head spin, so hard it makes you sometimes doubt your own judgment on him. but you refuse, you’ll continue to listen to that little voice that tells you: no. not him.

“for fucks sake, can’t you pick me just one time?!” he yells, slamming his hand on the counter and you jump back, “not karasu, not sendou, not fucking kunigami. don’t run to them. run to me. can’t it be me?”

“y-you’re crying,” you deflect, trying to look anywhere but him because if you look at him, you’ll want to hold him. you’ll want to give him, tell him that maybe you two could try to be something. you don’t even argue that kunigami isn’t an option anymore.

“i don’t fucking care.”

“and i don’t know what to say.” you answer, eyes glued on the box in your hands.

“just say the word and i’ll be yours. fully and wholly, i’ll give you everything.” he says firmly.

but you stay quiet, awkwardly fidgeting with the box in your hands.

“…please?” it comes out soft, whispery, and most of all desperate. a plea that comes from deep within because at the end of it all, he loves you.

but there’s nothing from you, it’s radio silence. it’s the quietness after midnight on a tuesday when the rest of campus is deep asleep. it’s nothing. and for a brief moment, he’ll accept it, because it’s harder for him to sit in this continued rejection. he’ll accept that right now, you don’t want him.

he gets up, pushing past you not even bothering to wipe the tears that trail down his cheeks. and he thinks, maybe even a small bit of him prays, that you’ll stop him.

but you don’t, staring at the tiled floor as he leaves, and oliver feels his heart shatter into tiny glass pieces. should he still hold onto “maybe”? maybe someday you’ll want him too? maybe someday you’ll be his exclusively? or should he give up, call it a day, and speed dial one of the girls in his phone?

he doesn’t know.

#oliver aiku #oliver aiku x reader #oliver aiku smut #bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk smut #blue lock smut #oliver aiku x you #oliver aiku x y/n #pibby writing

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bulkhummus · 1 month

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Hey!! I’m curious, in what ways do you think wtnv sucks? I’m not necessarily disagreeing but I can’t think of anything tbh and your tag made me start wondering

Hi!

No piece of media is perfect, and expecting it to be is unfair to the creator, and unrealistic of the consumer. Being able to consciously understand the ways in which something you love also has flaws is a healthy way of engaging with the things you enjoy without succumbing to the all-or-nothing mentality of being able to enjoy, well, anything!

I love wtnv, obviously, it's about 90% of my blog, and I have listened to it for a very long time. I respect the creators (including the actors) for what they have accomplished.

However, there are a few things about wtnv that I as a listener and long-time fan have recognized as, lets call them, potential critiques. Sucks is too strong a word because I’m not focusing on specific instances where they have messed up (and they have, people make mistakes). This isn’t a list where I tell you specific things— but rather I just explain to you some thoughts I have about the show. This is, by no means, a complete or solitary list, or even an ‘accurate’ one. This is just my own opinion and you're welcome to disagree.

Consistency

I do not have the expectation of wtnv having continuity. I never once have, due to the nature of what it is, what it's about, and how it's written. I don't care if facts change. Cecil is an unreliable narrator. Timelines shatter and splinter off regularly in the show. Time doesn't work right for most of the podcast. The Cecil we listen to currently is not the same Cecil we were introduced to. Writers make mistakes when shows have been on for over a decade. etc etc etc. Instead, I use the word consistency.

The show lacks consistency in story telling. This is its strength! WTNV was a podcast made by a small group of people that skyrocketed in popularity very quickly. It was a passion project. It was a bunch of think pieces where the writers got to explore different styles of writing, different characters, and their thoughts and feelings on current events in real life. That’s what it was built on. It was recorded in a coat closet on a shitty mic and then suddenly it became a livelihood with a massive following. So, the show lacks consistency in story telling, which to me has always been the joy of it, because of its freedom to do as it pleases. A lot of ‘plot’ would happen and we’d leave on a cliffhanger, and in classic Night Vale fashion, it’d be like 4 months before you heard about it again. However.

WTNV was introduced as a serial podcast where the only consistency was that they'd upload twice a month. With the introduction of mini-arcs, and later longer arcs (such as STREX, the DOW, or UOWII) the writers introduced the expectation of continuity. The story would build over the course of several episodes and resolve in some type of way. This requires more planning and greater attention to detail than episodes that are one-off or ongoing by the nature of what the show initially was. My issue here is that they have given themselves the problem of continuity given how they write longer arcs now — but they just don’t seem to fact check or communicate with one another when it comes to these arcs that span several episodes or rely upon info from older episodes. Now, the show often feels like its fighting between what it wants to focus on, and how it focuses on it and I am left sensing this inconsistency that I once used to enjoy. Which brings me to my next point.

Understanding A World

WTNV is a show about a fictional town, told by an unreliable narrator in the form of a radio show. When the show started, I felt it understood that very well. New characters were introduced as callers, or interviews on local news, ad reads, and even Cecil playing his voicemail on air. It operates under a VAUGE set of rules (but rules nonetheless) that this was a radio show.

There have been several instances, more recently, where I feel as if the show forgets that Cecil is a radio host and the story is told through his perspective about 90% of the time. It is that exciting 10% where we gain insight to the same stories from different characters giving us new information.

For example, having Carlos and Janet go back and forth at one another in the finale of the UOWII arc completely casts aside Cecil's perspective as the narrator, and as having control over the story. Cecil hated Janet. it would have been more amusing and in character for him to have ad libbed whatever Janet said and only play Carlos' parts -- only for her to burst into his live studio outraged that he wasn't fairly reporting and THEN tell her side of the story after wrestling the mic away from him.

My issue here is that, more recently, it feels as if they forget that operating under rules, or constraints, in story telling, actually helps them be more creative in how information gets delivered to the listener.

I think how they use their patreon needs a massive overhaul too but thats a different post. Which brings me to my next point.

Hand Holding

They are good writers. They are capable of balancing humor and horror in a way that enhances both. I have felt gutted, I have felt hopeful, and I have felt absolutely feral after certain episodes because they have good ideas and can write well!

So it becomes really frustrating when they just tell me a bunch of stuff without it being reflected in the show, or they don’t trust themselves as writers. I get it. Not every episode can be their best, but there have been several instances recently, in moments where it really counts, where I am just being told what's going on instead of it going on. I’m being told why things are happening instead of listening to them happen, and often I feel they forget they are writing something to be performed. They don’t need to explain all of their metaphors or explain what the point of a characters actions are. The audience is not stupid and things don’t always need to be spelled out. Which brings me to my next point.

Writing for an Audience

All creators have to work off of in terms of how well something is doing is fan engagement, especially in a smaller project like this. However, they have an audience that varies in ages of 11-45 given how long this show has been running for. Go to a live show you will see what I mean. How do you write for an audience who is that diverse in age? Should you have to? Is it bad engagement to not think about your audience? Sometimes something a 30 year old understands, a 11 year old may not. Not for any other reason but time and lived experience. Theres things 30 year olds forget about being 11! That’s how it works.

And while this is less of a problem they may have, it’s something I noticed about the reception of different episodes by fans. The second to last live show I went to I had the enjoyment of listening to two 13/14 year olds sitting behind me offering their vastly different perspectives on some recent episodes, especially given the fact that I heard one of them say they had only just started listening after listening to the first 100 episodes summary. Which brings me to my next point.

Duration

Everything I have said previously comes back to the duration of the show. I think its impressive that its been running for over a decade with consistency. And they should! In a perfect world, WTNV would run forever because of how much I love it. I love this show and I don’t want it to end. HOWEVER. If the quality of something begins to degrade because there is not enough time dedicated to it and the creators no longer find it engaging and exciting then I’d want it to come to an end. They’re people. They want to work on new things. I respect that! And I’d be heartbroken if the show faded out or ended in a rushed manner in an unsatisfying way because they decided on a whim they don’t want to make it anymore.

I think it is a disservice to the work, effort and history of the show for them to create a 100 episode summary and tell people to start there. Idc. “But Bulk people might not want to listen to 10 years worth of podcasting—“ Babes the show is 245 episodes long. They’re like 25 min a pop not including ads. It’s a bimonthly show. Buckle up and settle down. The creators should take pride in their work, and how long the shows been on for, and be encouraging people to start from the beginning. Let people experience for the first time what many people fell in love with. Why on EARTH would you tell people to NOT start at the beginning? To me, as a long time fan, it feels like the creators don’t have faith or pride in their work.

I’m not saying they don’t dedicate time to their show of 10 years, because how could I know that, but, when they don’t fact check (because now there is the precedent of continuity, especially with newer fans, because they chose to write more serially) and they tell fans its ok to not start at episode 1, and they are advertising other projects on WTNV episodes where fans call them out for not fact checking and and and— where does that lead me as a fan? It sometimes makes me feel like they don’t care about what they’re making anymore.

I also think that this show has become a means of income for them. And it has. They have a patreon now, they do shows, they sell merch. What was once a passion project for them is now a product. People who pay for something demand a better quality— thats like almost universally true. And people who are newer fans, and don’t understand what podcasting was like a decade ago, who don’t know what WTNV was like a decade ago, don’t have that background knowledge of what the show was built up on and created as (ie. A bunch of experimentations, think pieces, and whacky one-offs as previously mentioned).

Because they’re telling fans not to listen to the first 100 episodes and focusing on more serial story telling. Am I making sense? It’s all connected and I feel like I’m making sense.

Conclusion

I love WTNV but, in my opinion, it was never meant to be what fans often demand it to be, and the creators sometimes have to respond to. What I fell in love with it for is often the things I see people criticize it for. It’s this story that sort of does what it wants, when it wants, because that’s how it started. It’s grown into something else now, which all things do over time, and I just hope they don’t grow it into something it is not if they aren’t careful. The show was is deeply unserious but also really interesting and exciting and chilling and worth the time spent, despite the ways it may be imperfect. Perfectly imperfect, if you will (wink wink).

You don’t have to agree with what I’ve said here, and maybe none of it reads true for you, because I really am just speculating and offering thoughts, and thats fine! I’d never tell someone their viewing of the show is wrong, but I do think it’s good to stop and think about your favorite pieces of media like this. Anyways thats why it sucks or whatever

#wtnv #ask tag #anon

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turtleblogatlast · 2 months

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hey!!! this is less of an ask and more of a fic rec tbh 😭 but have you read 'I May be Invisible, but I Still Look Good" by Dandy over on Ao3???? It's after the movie AND Leo-centric and like he gets cursed so his spirit is ripped out of his body. It's like 125k words of wonderful storytelling

OH- but for an actual question, do you have and fic recs?? or any AU's you think people should go check out?

I tried answering this before and it erased my reply orz

ANYWAY YES I HAVE read this and I absolutely love it with every fiber of my being.❤️ 100% one of my top fics to read in this fandom that I even go back to for a reread more than once. The characters are perfectly done and the set up for the story is believable with a fantastic payoff, highly highly highly recommend to anyone who hasn’t read it yet.❤️

As for recs, I’ve always been terrible at giving recs since my memory is very bad especially for ones I haven’t read in a while.😭 Off the top of my head I can recommend (note these are practically entirely Leo-centric since he’s my special guy you understand (the others aren’t forgotten at all though!!!) - and most of these are very very well known so you’ve likely already read them…):

[Note many of these are unfinished and may remain that way - please no one harass the writers for more, let them write at their own pace if they choose to write at all]

- The Neon Void by sugarpastels is absolutely incredible, the dramatic irony of it all as we follow Leo in the state he’s in and see just how broken all the Hamatos are by his “death” is just 👌👌👌 The fact that this places with one of my favorite tropes aka “Leo being in the Prison Dimension longer than canon” is just so good. Genuinely a thoroughly gripping tale that I highly recommend. It’s not complete yet (a lot of this list isn’t) but what is there is so amazing please read (though you most likely have read it already haha)

- little kid with a big death wish and firefight by remrose are another two you’ve likely seen but by god are they worth the read. Firefight isn’t done yet but it and death wish are so amazingly well written and really go into how trauma affects people differently and how ties with family can be tested in traumatic situations. Hard subjects definitely but very maturely done. (Also I misread firefight as firelight for way too long before I realized it-)

- Power Up and Times Five by pickedcarrotsandradish are both unfinished but I can’t care because what we were given is so good that I’m fine with them as they are. Both deal with Leo’s insecurities and bad feelings about himself and, very importantly, the fics go into how these insecurities establish a base for Leo’s very real flaws and how those flaws push him to act the way he does. Very interesting and compelling stuff here!! Power Up especially does really cool things for the boys’ mystic power ups, especially Leo’s, and I loved reading about the ins and outs of what they could do.

- Race Against Life, Death, and the EPF by Cass_Phoenix is just so engaging to read??? Like I love the entire set up for it - it’s feels so fresh and like you’re in Leo’s desperate situation yourself. I was so excited whenever a new chapter came out because the atmosphere was so well done.

- A Mixed Bag by GreatlyBlessed is SHOCKINGLY not Leo-centric for once haha. It’s not completed, but again, like the others above it is so good that I recommend it anyway. This story is actually a crossover between four sets of TMNT (‘87, ‘03, ‘12, and Rise) and the dynamics set up in it are SO fun I love it. Team 2 is my fave because you have literally all my faves on that team how could I not?? I also highly appreciate that everyone gets a chance to shine and that there’s no bashing at all, they’re all just very much in character and it’s refreshing to read ❤️❤️❤️

There’s a LOAD more that I could recommend I’m sure but I don’t remember them off the top of my head at the moment.😭 If I remember I’ll come back and add them in!

(Forgot about AU’s- honestly there’s some that I see and catch up on when I see them but there’s just so many that it’s a bit difficult to keep track of sometimes! I’d have to go around and fully look through many before having a solid answer haha! The ones I do see are always so well done though, I may come back and add them here if I remember 😅)

#non au ask #it’s killing me to not remember them all orz #I swear there’s so much more #‘are they all Leo centric’ yeah LMAO #maybe one or two are more ensemble but yeah haha…#my special interest hyper focuses on my fave sorry 😭 he’s also just the most fun for me to read personally #but yeah I’ll come back and add more when I remember them lol #wracking my head to remember #gonna tag this as #turtle fic recs #so I can find it again later

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speedierthanasubmarine · 30 days

Text

Finished heaven official’s blessing and I really enjoyed writing an analysis on helluva boss I want to make this a regular thing because it’s fun so here’s my thoughts on

Heaven Official’s Blessing

Spoilers (duh)

I think it’s incredibly impressive when someone can make an overarching narrative in which different seemingly disjointed events are significant without A) putting a giant exclamation mark on top saying “REMEMBER THIS IT WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER” and B) Significantly over or under emphasizing the importance of the scene in the moment. Each event stood on its own and I liked that.

There were several janky sentences and word choices but that’s a translation issue, this writer clearly knows what she’s doing.

Characters were a lot of fun and distinct, my favorites were Feng Xin, Pei Ming, Qi Ying, and Ling Wen whenever they were on the page I was like Ah yes, these pages are gonna be enjoyable and I was right, they’re all delightful (cept the brocade immortal stuff, but like I don’t care, Google assistant is fun) Xie Lian and San Lang are delightful, love them, and San Lang is so effed in the head it’s enjoyable to try and imagine what unhinged thing he’ll do next

Tbh there isn’t much plot breakdown I want to do with this series because it knows what it is, it’s a fanfic ass book with good times, trauma, gay fluff, and fights. Need I say more? That’s not a detractor, it’s a strength. Be what you are and own it because a house with a house’s foundation is a great house but slap a building on that house’s foundation and it fails in both regards.

The only aspect I’m going to analyze is the narrative voice the books are written in because holy crap is it super impressive. Xie Lian is a super mature (or ditzy, depending on your point of view) character, he doesn’t dwell on things, doesn’t hold grudges, doesn’t really care that much about people’s histories or even their present, doesn’t focus much on externals and it comes through in the way the book is written. I noticed this when throughout the books San Lang would do fucked up stuff like make it rain blood and kill a pit’s worth of people and Xie Lian kinda didn’t really seem to care and at first it pissed me off, why isn’t the author letting consequences occur because of these peoples’ actions, but then as it held consistently throughout the book and other people kept being super concerned about stuff, like Pei Constantly asking after Shi Qingxuan (I don’t know how to spell their name, it’s so hard to keep track I’m so sorry) or people bringing up Banue, I realized this is just Xie Lian, other people in the book are regular people like me, this one guy is just experiencing things, going “Well, ain’t that something” and then just moving on. Honestly iconic, but also I was halfway through book six when I realized. Especially since whenever they do flashbacks Xie Lian does all normal stuff. He describes settings he’s in, he mentions events that happened a few pages ago, he tells the reader how he feels, it’s after he experiences all his shit he goes through that this all kinda slips away. In “present” scenes he’ll reference things as they come up but like in the flashback after Mu Qing leaves they talk about it a few times and I find that aspect of acknowledgment to be noticeably absent in the “present” scenes. After the black water arc there is a complete lack of discussion about the frankly trauma inducing event that just transpired but sure Cie Lian, you and San Lang have to not hold hands for the billionth time. At first I thought is this author high but then I realized what shes doing is characterizing through prose which is IMPRESSIVE AS HELL. This may be a point I noticed and am now misremembering the entire series just to bolster my take and if that’s the case then I shall sheepishly shrug and say I’m sorry. I’m not rereading 8 books to write a tumblr review. Maybe if I ever start a YouTube channel

I don’t know, I just find it to be an incredible feat of actually good writing when a story is being told through the lens of the main character and you can characterize that character by simply reading the story and seeing how it’s written, not even through dialogue and action. It’s kinda like the Great Gatsby or a Separate Peace, and it’s super cool that a book like this can accomplish the same thing that makes those classics great. There isn’t as much symbolism or analytical potential but those books wouldn’t be nearly as impactful as they were without great execution, which this book pulled off in spades.

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juniperhillpatient · 3 months

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Okay BEARING in mind please that I have a lot of thought out ATLA opinions (most of them can be found in the tag for my first rewatch) & also that i do not analyze smartly on first watches / read throughs of ANYTHING (examples include that on my first watch of Buffy I shipped Buffy/Xander & hated Dawn, on my first watch of ATLA I disliked Azula for a long time & didn’t care about Jet, on my first watch of Scream I wanted Dewey to be the killer because of Scary Movie. I could go on probably)

—- here are my initial reactions to ATLA LA as someone who’s been having fun watching (usually tipsy) & enjoying my faves in live action even if it’s badly written 😃

Pros:

Jet is hot

Uh… um. Uh… umm. That was my big one okay..

….

Oh! Oh! Suki is also hot.

….

…

I think Katara’s live action actress did a really nice job even if I don’t always love how she was written I could tell this girl put her heart into it

Same with Azula’s actress tbh. And Aang. Zuko & Iroh also. It took me a second to get used to this Iroh but acting wise ignoring the script Zuko & Iroh did good. (Sokka & Yue were only okay but they didn’t do bad by any means once I got used to them.)

Azula’s intro was super fun. I thought for a second they were even gonna do something fun with her & this whole ratting out the rebellion plot. Also the actress did good & there were a few parts that were well written like her early displays of insecurity & her beating the shit out of that trainer & shooting Zuko’s letter. There was promise until there wasn’t.

They didn’t do a bad job of combining some of the plots. “Masks” was the strongest for me. It did a nice job showcasing several plots & I really enjoyed the significance placed on Zuko valuing the lives of inexperienced soldiers. Everything just came together super well in that episode with the Koh plot & everything. Now that certain criticisms of the Omashu episodes (like Jet’s mischaracterization in hurting his own people) have been brought up to me I dislike those episodes more than on my first watch through but I still think the Freedom Fighters were fun to see. And if you don’t analyze it too hard the plot combinations are fun. Anyway why would you analyze this adaptation too hard?

Cons:

Why isn’t Azula scared of Ozai? I get it he’s forged her into the perfect weapon & she did what he technically wanted but she disrespected him publicly & he was fine? Okay.

Above mentioned explanation of why Jet wasn’t done right ^^ He shouldn’t be willing to hurt Earth Kingdom citizens. Even if it was fun to see his logic & the Jetara moments & I do think the actor did a good job (no I’m not just saying that ‘cause he’s hot. That helps though).

Katara didn’t have to struggle at all she’s just a #girlboss! Isn’t that great? #feminism!

Who’s this super serious kid who always puts the mission first & where’s my silly goofy guy who wants to go on endless side quests? The actor does decent but that’s just not Aang.

Discount Zhao 😭😂

I just -

Discount Zhao lmaoooo 😭

Overall: I had fun. I will repeat myself - this is like the Harry Potter movies or the Series of Unfortunate Events tv show or any other adaptation of something I loved in its original form that’s never going to get it quite right to me. I hated some things. I had fun with other parts. Mostly? It was just fun to see my faves in a new format. It’ll never ever live up to the original but I never in a million years wanted nor expected that. Quite frankly? I didn’t want this to be made at all. But since it is whether I wanted it or not? I’m glad it was at least entertaining & enjoyable to have fun with.

This was ALWAYS going to be an example of what I call the “Marvelification” of television. Nothing is nuanced everything is quippy everyone’s edges are dulled. I never expected anything else so I’m not even listing that as a con it’s just a given to me. Binge culture whole season releases & the endless remakes & reboots of streaming sites are the death of television. This is again just a given to me I don’t have much more to say about it right now (though I’m sure I do just not now).

The original ATLA will always mean everything to me & this was just a fun little adaptation. Like a fanfic. If it gets renewed? Sure I’ll have fun watching more. But if it doesn’t I truly don’t care. Anyway I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts eventually these are INITIAL reactions please don’t treat them like I signed this post in blood I’m just thinking out loud having just finished this show! That’s all for now lol

#rose watches atla la

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elendsessor · 5 months

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tbh i don’t know when or if i’ll get back to playing desu2–strategy games are particularly draining for me when i feel as if they’re pushing too long without justification and that’s a problem i’m facing with 2.

i do want to inevitably talk about a couple more things desu2 put out there i appreciate it for over other megatens since there’s so much potential here. it’s by no means a bad game!!! it’s just too much. it’s heavily flawed. and though i see why people love it, those flaws still need to be acknowledged.

yes the gameplay improvements are amazing. yes i do think more time and effort was put into 2 than the first game presentation-wise, some of the battle improvements are much better, there are concepts no megaten would ever dare to even try and tackle at least in the pre-established format mainline is famous for, and though the writing is generally messy and contradictory, it’s genuinely entertaining at points… until day 8. we do not need a day 8 unless it’s post-game content like what overclocked did.

the problem stems the most from an identity crisis affecting the way it plays. of course it mainly struggles from its nge inspiration, but the biggest part of the identity crisis is one based in a criticism no megaten fan likes. hate to do it but imma do it—devil survivor 2 is one of atlus’s first attempts at persona-ifying the rest of the franchise. it’s a problem i want to touch on in the future so imma keep this brief.

desu2 clearly wants to be modern persona the most, judging by the fate system and how it does the cast, however a strategy game can’t pull this off without jumping major hoops. fire emblem does the social aspect better because the process is streamlined and the characters you’re made to care about usually tend to be written well unless your name is fates. (anything that has the word “fate” in the title should be enough of a red flag for either garbage fandom or garbage product just saying lol.) however, with what success persona got beginning with 3, the dev team was tasked with replicating parts of modernsona to help it be some way to capture mainstream audiences. after all, most people’s introductions to megaten will be persona, and as we all know with how journalists were with smt 5 and likely applies to the rest of the franchise due to how different it is, anything megaten that isn’t persona has no heart. with shit like the fate system being forced in, the pacing further deteriorates.

both desu1 and 2 are easy for the most part but require an ungodly amount of grinding just to build your team because money is scarce and everything is overpriced, be it in the auction or the compendium. you need demons with a certain skill and resistances? get grinding. and with what little ways to actually play around with the fusing without grinding because of the stupid add ons and expensive fusion chains and how exp you can get for demons gets significantly harder to obtain, you’re already at a strategic disadvantage. you can’t fuse mitamas without unlocking it after fucking beating the game, and even if you can, fusing elements and mitamas has a fee. this already takes up most of the experience, as this forces most battles to be either free or dlc battles for the sake of resources which ends in being over leveled, and since the ai for enemies and bosses aren’t the best, you’re already at far too great an advantage, so the mandatory combat goes by fast. then the socializing comes in. desu1 is definitely better since it cuts out the bullshit and makes so most of what you’re hearing contributes to the plot, worldbuilding, or actual development for the characters. in 2, the fate ranks affect nothing save for unlocks and maybe the occasional story relevance. you can’t skip this, as most of the options are either free battles, waste 30 in game minutes viewing an event that doesn’t affect any other function, talk with teammates that you swore you’ve seen their archetype done better before, be given info about said character that may or may not actually mean shit based on when you talk to them, have a chance to up their fate rank, and that’s it. not like you have the threat of being unable to. you can prevent anyone in death videos from dying, and there’s no consequences for choosing a route since you can re-recruit everyone except a certain alignment rep if you oppose them, not counting daichi. all that changes is the ending and if an alignment rep dies again not counting daichi. this is all the game is, rinse and repeat.

i’ve never had something simultaneously be worse and better all due to anime tropes and inspiration. it fucking hurts me. 2’s a good game, just way too big and way too focused on capitalizing on persona, neither of which i can fault the team behind it for since it was clearly an issue of ideas and expectations being thrown onto them. maybe one day i’ll power through the final day, but right now, it completely lost me.

if you want to make your game’s main campaign long, justify why it’s that way. if it’s long because of padding without a way to grip the player, your product serves as a way to waste time and money that could’ve been spent on something else.

#shantien rambles #megaten #devil survivor

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hekateinhell · 2 years

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Do you think Armand knows or understands that he was groomed by Marius? I think often about how Marius’ “education” for Armand only served to reinforce old traumas and provide new ones. The healthiest education Armand received in Venice in terms of socialization and emotional well-being was the little time he spent with the other boys.

Also, thanks for your great writing and posts! They always make me smile!

Girl, first of all, thank you so much for your sweet words! Makes my heart happy 💕 not sure how you'll feel about me by the end of this lol but that's Future!Hekate's problem.

Second, you made me reach for the wine at 5pm. How could you?

Tl; dr: Armand does not!

Rambling, long answer below the cut (because apparently my brain chose to ignore my fic-writing plans & do this instead).

Okay, SO… my Marius feelings and takes are complicated (much like Armand’s). But separating from that for a minute, there are a few things I want to break down that hopefully haven’t already been said elsewhere a dozen times (they might be idk I haven’t been active on here that long).

"Does Armand know/think he was groomed by Marius?"

That’s not the read we get from TVA. In fact, up to that point, Venice seems to be the highlight of his very long, tragic life! And it’s understandable.

Even when it upsets me (and it does, often!), when I want to play around in their heads (because tbh once it comes off the page it’s headcanon, so I do what I can to try and get a decent read that makes sense with respect to characterization), I have to make allowances for their individual time periods and experiences.

Armand would have very little reason to know (care about) anything relating to psychology, child development, or trauma, even. Those are human concepts that don’t apply to him. Most of the way he behaves is logic-driven (not that his logic isn’t faulty sometimes lol he’s weird, even by vampire standards). I doubt he would see any sense in exploring this 500 years after the fact, after much worse stuff happened.

"Marius’s 'education'"…

I want to preface what I'm about to say by stating that I have zero stake in this game! This isn’t a ship I write about or want to write about, and I’ve never had any big feelings about what other people ship (it just wasn’t a “thing” back in the day in VC so this is new to me now that I’m rejoining the fandom lol). I’ll enjoy it if it’s well-written in fanon though.

This is the repetitive part: Marius is coming at this from the perspective of being a 1500 vampire. I’ve said many times that I don’t think Armand truly realized how far he was pushing Daniel over the emotional/psychological limits of a human being. I think that applies to Marius and Amadeo as well, to an extent.

Marius thinks that he’s providing Amadeo with a good life, and in a lot of ways, he is—by the textbook definition. He’s getting a very well-rounded academic education, he’s socializing, etc. Marius essentially sees Amadeo as a blank canvas, given from what he can tell from his mind (and again, the concept of trauma wasn’t something that would’ve occurred to anyone a few centuries ago, it just didn’t exist). Adding to this, wasn’t uncommon for brothels at the time to be used to supplement a sexual education, in the most literal sense of the phase. As far as Marius is concerned, he’s going the extra mile to prepare Amadeo for the world (yeah, I know).

As for the traumas themselves, I think I know what you’re getting at (but correct me if I’m wrong!)…

So Amadeo is 15 when Marius rescues him; his mental state is in pieces, and he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow. Marius absolutely sees him as a kid, in the same sense that Armand and the other vampires later see Daniel as a “boy.” He’s not thinking child development here, he’s thinking about what would settle him down and feel good to a messed up human being (having not been one himself for over a thousand years).

Anne was clearly a sex-positive writer, and there’s something to be said for the idea of “replacing” a traumatic memory with a more pleasurable one. Unlikely that Marius was thinking about it in those terms (he was not, we know this), but more as so how to distinguish himself as a “man” that didn’t just want to use Amadeo for his body, but to provide him with pleasure (for the first time in his life). Marius gets literally nothing out of this. He could bite him and induce a swoon, and they’re both happy, no further effort required.

Now, what I think are the Marius traumas...

We know that Marius really Struggles With His Emotions. And he doesn't ever seem to make any real sense of progress there (Pandora and Armand can attest). I've said before (on your post actually lol), Marius is the parent that you don't realize how fucked up they are until you grow up and it's like, "Oh wow, that's why I am the way I am. Whoops!"

Amadeo has human needs and longings for validation, attention, and connection, and Marius just absolutely misses the mark here. The switch scene and the return from Kiev scene are perfect, heartbreaking examples of this (even if Amadeo is a new fledgling in the second instance, his mind hasn’t lived beyond 18 years yet). And Marius does seem to regret his outbursts afterward (it doesn't make it right, but I think it adds a sort of context to the idea he knows he's failing in at least some regard).

And for Armand, it's easy to see how this became his blueprint for what a "relationship" should be. Because he didn't know the behind-the-scenes stuff that was happening with The Parents, he didn't know Marius's own history with kidnapping and cults, etc. And because ultimately, he never had a better reference until much, much later.

In TVA, Armand says he can't claim to never have hated Marius for giving him the Dark Gift, LEAVING HIM IN PARIS, being besties with Lestat... but nothing about their time together factors into it.

By the canon read and my interpretation, Armand doesn't consider himself as having been groomed by Marius in any modern (or otherwise) definition of the word. (And just to throw something else in there, let's not forget what Armand himself did with Denis and the others - now, that's dark!).

~ hekate out

#since this is the week everyone else agreed Vampires are Problematic™️#mildly meta #if y’all think i’m tagging this y’all are nuts

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sharpth1ng · 1 year

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h!iii!! I’m new here and I recently watched SCREAM 1 and damn, I’m obsessed with these two. I also read all of fics about them and your one is my FAVOURITE!!!💔💔💔I would like to ask you, how you headcanon(or just see) Billy and Stu relationship from what we saw on film. Popular opinion that Stu was into Billy and Billy wasn’t (respectfully disagree-Billy was a manipulator but I still see by some of his looks and interactions with Stu that he was at least very hot to Stu and cared on his own weird way), some people say they probably had a weird codependent shit going on, some think they were ready to betray each other’s and nothing more. What you think about “canonical” Billy and Stu??

Omg I wrote such a long response to this an tumblr crashed and deleted it so now I gotta re-write and it’s not gonna be as good I’m sorry. But welcome to the fandom anon! Thank you for the appreciation!

I see movie them as pretty similar to the way I’ve written them tbh, I was trying to stay as close to the characterization in canon as I could.

But I think both of these boys have issues that in some way or another means they get something emotionally satisfying out of the other. Like Billy has mom abandonment issues and clearly has social issues, and there’s Stu, literally always by his side when he can be and down for pretty much anything Billy does. When you’re an abrasive person it’s really comforting to have someone who isn’t pushed away by that.

And Stu clearly didn’t get enough attention growing up, his parents are gone the whole movie and it’s implied they’re just gone a lot in general. I think he’s a little desperate for it, and in combo with falling in love with his best friend a little he’s down for whatever.

It’s also just moments like the kitchen and the video store, Billy only seems to genuinely enjoy himself and let loose in Stu’s presence. It’s the way they bounce off each other’s banter and how physically in-sync they are with each other (until shit starts to go wrong and they’re obviously panicking).

Like when Stu comes up behind him and puts his chin on his shoulder, that’s a visual reference to The Thing With Two Heads but also Billy doesn’t move away, doesn’t seem startled, doesn’t even look back, he actually leans back into Stu, and that tells me this is far from the first time they’ve been that physically close with each other. Maybe it’s just me and my touch issues, but I would have to be so damn comfortable with someone for them to be able to come up behind me and touch me and not flip at least a little.

They know each other really well, they’re able to play off of each other to mess with people, and they’re constantly looking at each other when they’re doing it, because they like doing it together. Also just all the moments where Billy looks at Stu like he’s going to eat him alive lmao (when he’s about to stab him lol, when he like strokes his chin with the knife). He looks horny as hell lmao.

So yeah, this doesn’t feel one-sided to me, I think Billy is just extremely repressed, and I think seeing himself as a manipulator makes him more comfortable. I think he might betray Stu in a moment of anger and emotional defensiveness but I think he would regret it later even if he wouldn’t admit it, but I don’t think Stu would betray him.

Also the writer of the screenplay himself has said he accidentally wrote a bunch of gayness into the film because he was closeted himself at the time so y’know

#ask #movie canon opinions #stuilly

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ryuichirou · 1 year

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Hello! Your art is really amazing and I also have a question to ask you if you wouldn't mind

I don't mean this in a rude way and the reason I'm asking is because I'm curious, why do you ship Ortho/Idia and Lilia/Silver?

+ Anonymous asked:

Hello ! I was wondering what make you ship ortho and idia ? No jugements here I also shipped family members in the past for various reasons, but I can’t seem to see the appeal of this particular ship. Anyway, have a nice day ! (btw sorry for my grammar i’m not english)

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Hi, Anons! Seems like I’m starting all of my replies with apologizing for being late, this one isn’t an exception lol This is another ask that I wanted to think about for a while to make sure that I reply to it properly.

Thank you so much for liking my art and thank you for approaching this question in a polite way. I know this is a controversial topic, this is why we try to be honest about it, but at the same time not to post about it too often; but if you’re curious, I don’t mind talking about it. Ehh but this post is super long, I don’t know if you wanted it to be this long haha well.

Obligatory disclaimer,in case there are any people out there who still don’t realise where we stand on this issue: fiction is fiction, any topic or trope could be explored and played around with in fiction, and there is no direct correlation between the tropes a person loves and their moral code or life choices. One does not “support *something*” by shipping a certain ship. It’s not that deep.

With that out of the way, let’s proceed! Starting with Ortho/Idia. The reply’s mostly about them, tbh.

And right away, another disclaimer: like I mentioned in another post on this topic, us shipping Ortho and Idia romantically doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate the platonic reading of their relationship. The idea that platonic love could be super strong and tragic and make a person do drastic things for their sibling’s happiness is great and rarely explored in fiction. Believe it or not, we just really love the way they’re written, and even though we ship them romantically, we’re not blind to this version of their dynamic and we love that twst has a storyline like this. This storyline made me lose my mind as a shipper, but even if we look at it platonically, the fact that Idia called out the hypocrisy of swooning over Orpheus and Eurydice and yet people thinking that him (Idia) desperately wanting to bring back his brother is wrong is just beautiful.

Alright, that’s all the disclaimers, let’s dive into the shipping territory and talk about our feelings.

I don’t know, man, they just… love each other so much. The sheer volume of their love is so impressive and beautiful, and when it comes to shipping tropes that we like, they pretty much tick all the boxes. I’ll try to explain it in more detail and with examples.

Since it’s a little bit hard to talk about them because there are so many versions of Ortho, I’ll try to say things that are common to all of them. And when I’m talking about a specific version of Ortho, I’ll mention that.

First of all, we really love ships that force characters to open up, develop, evolve and enhance the traits that we love about them. This is why in all of my character rants I tend to talk about their relationships with others, and in all of my headcanon posts I tend to talk about canonical events a lot: these things are strongly tied together for us. So naturally, I’ll start by talking about Ortho and the way his character works (and develops) through his relationships with Idia.

To be honest, we didn’t really care for Ortho at first. He wasn’t all that interesting to us based on his design and character quirks (alright, a cute robot boy, we get it), but once we got to know him better, he literally became one of our favourites. Because he is so much more than just a cute robot boy who only acts like a mascot or does whatever Idia wants him to do.

Even though he is perceived (mostly by the fandom, but also by some of the characters) as a child, he is definitely not an innocent and gullible baby. If we compare AI-Ortho to original Ortho from the flashback, it becomes very clear just how different they are. Ortho from the flashback is a very young child: he sounds, acts and talks like one. AI-Ortho, even though he’s based on the original Ortho, is nothing like that, because he grows, develops and learns with time. Ortho has shown again and again that he is smart, he could be quite cunning, his morals are questionable (since, you know, he is an AI and not a person), and he is quite reflective and perceptive. He is much more mature than he is given credit for, and a big part of it is that his main role is to take care of Idia. And not just in a “drink water, niisan” kind of way: he also acts as Idia’s emotional crutch at times. Ortho is very attentive to Idia’s emotional state, because this is what he’s been doing his entire robo-life: making sure that Idia is feeling alright, comforting him, reassuring him constantly, finding this fragile balance between not pushing Idia too hard and trying to inspire him to socialize with others as much as he can. This takes a lot of empathy and emotional wisdom; it’s clear that between him and Idia, Ortho takes the role of a mature caretaking person, even though he could still be a little bit naïve at times. And as he learns and adapts, he becomes more strict and more pushy with Idia, he learns how to persuade him, manipulate him, how to trick him. He becomes less anxious and scared to accidentally hurt Idia, because he knows what’s best for him.

Ortho as a character develops through his relationships with Idia, and we really love how big of a role Idia plays in his life. Of course, it’s obvious, because Ortho’s main purpose is to assist Idia, but the thing is, he’s always had his own agency about it. From one of his birthday vignettes we learn that Idia didn’t really want to talk to him at first when he created him, so Ortho had to analyze movies and learn how to have a proper emotional human-like dialogue, trying to find a way to approach Idia. And this “trying to find a way to approach him, trying to find a way to communicate with him, trying to make him happy” is Ortho’s entire life quest, but it’s such a dynamic quest that makes him learn a lot about himself as well. Even though Ortho only got his “heart” at the end of chapter 6, I think he developed feelings much earlier than that.

Which leads us to a very specific trope that we love in ships and media: an AI that falls in love/becomes obsessed with a person it serves. And not necessarily in a healthy or human way, since its grasp of empathy and ethics is much different from a human being’s, which makes its love weird and uncanny and yet strong and absolutely genuine. As I mentioned in one of the previous replies, the idea of AI-Ortho developing feelings for Idia, despite not being programmed to feel this way, is heartbreakingly beautiful. And this is exactly what happened to them: Idia is a genius, but he still wouldn’t be able to make AI-Ortho love him as much as he ended up loving him. So all of it is on Ortho…

Another group of tropes that we love a lot are overprotectiveness, unhealthy obsessions and yandere scenarios. And boy these two deliver when it comes to that. They are super protective over each other.

We really enjoyed Ortho’s Ignihyde Gear vignette, in which he overhears some Diasomnia students talking shit about him and Idia and tries to fry them with lasers, because being rude to Idia is an unforgivable sin to Ortho, to the point that he doesn’t even care when Trein calls him out for endangering others. He gets super upset when Trein bans him from going to classes with Idia though, and when he tells Idia about it, Idia gets furious… because how could these assholes bully Ortho, and how could Trein punish Ortho when he was only standing up for himself! The first instinct for both of them in this situation is to get back at assholes for hurting someone they care about. They worry about each other to the degree that they immediately become very antagonistic and cruel towards anyone who wrongs their loved one. And this is such a great trope for us, we love it a lot. In general, if you can describe a ship with a phrase “have you ever loved someone so much you’d want to destroy the world for them”, we’re most likely on board with it, having a mental breakdown because of how absolutely beautiful it is. And this is even a minor example, compared to everything that’s happened in chapter 6… When you look at it from the shipper point of view, the entirety of chapter 6 is so painfully romantic. (Also, even if instead of AI-Ortho we had a real Ortho, I’m pretty sure he would’ve been just as overprotective. The Shrouds are not okay.)

Another good theme of this ship is that ever since they were kids, they were all alone; all they have is each other, and that hasn’t changed even now, as the events of the game unfold. I love this bittersweet feeling of them being the only people who are capable of understanding each other in this big world, it’s such a unique (for a lot of reasons) and extremely strong bond. And it doesn’t matter which version of Ortho you take: be it the canonverse, be it an AU in which the original Ortho never died, they would still be extremely close and feel like the two of them are somewhat separated from the rest of the world. Their experience together is different, no one knows that they went through, and ships with such a great connection are always fun for us to play around with. Especially when their bond comes with a heavy baggage. A lot of things that I’ve described could be very unhealthy, and again, even if Ortho was alive, their relationship with Idia wouldn’t be all that healthy. Idia is very dependent on Ortho, he clings to him and could be pretty much helpless without him. No matter the AU(or canon), Idia always seems like someone who is filled with guilt over it, but just can’t help it. And at the same time, he might feel that Ortho has so much more to live for than to waste his life on his useless brother, and that he has to let him go. Idia is always ready to sacrifice pretty much everything about himself for Ortho, always has been, as we saw it in the flashback. The trauma, the codependence, the jealousy – all these feelings could eat Idia (or Ortho for that matter) alive, and we’ll always enjoy this type of content with them.

Also, here is a fun little bonus. Another interesting thing that I noticed and also some people pointed out as well (well, I’ve seen only one, but I’m not sure we’re the only people who noticed that) is that Ortho and Idia’s story kind of has some correlations with Hercules and Megara’s story. I am very biased because I adore Meg, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Well, Ortho does have a lot of motifs of Hercules and it’s a fact: he “goes from zero to hero”, he is being called “Monsieur Wonder” (Wonderboy), he wanted to be a hero ever since he was a child. And at the end of his arc he had an opportunity to start living a new life, true to who he is (stop pretending to be Ortho Shroud and find his own identity = joining the gods on Olympus), but ends up staying with the one he loves instead (just like Hercules stayed with Meg, because “I finally know where I belong”).

Idia is clearly based on Hades and he doesn’t let us forget it for a moment with his constant quoting, but he still has some interesting traits that resemble Meg as well. He is kinda stuck doing a job he hates (although this is true to Hades as well). And even though his backstory is very different from hers, ultimately, he is a cynical heartbroken person who is disappointed in life and doesn’t want to get hurt again, and who also has a huge soft spot for a certain wonderboy who is very genuine and kind to him, which also makes him feel deep and constant guilt. I really love this unintentional (?) crossover lol

And the last thing, If we’re being open and honest, there are also some aspects of Ortho and Idia’s relationship that hit close to home to us personally. Not the incest thing of course, but the way their dynamic works. Without diving deeper into details of our personal life, let me just say that when Ortho said that he just doesn’t want Idia to be misunderstood and mistreated by others, I felt it.

It’s funny that you, the first Anon, asked about both Ortho/Idia and Lilia/Silver, of course I know what makes these two ships similar lol, but the thing is, our attitude towards Lilia/Silver is a bit different simply because we don’t know them as well as we do Ortho and Idia. With Lilia and Silver, our feelings could basically be described as “well that would be fun/hot, wouldn’t it?”. It’s more on a sexy side of things, even though there are some deeper aspects of their relationships that we love and find interesting. The fact that we love both Lilia and Silver individually also makes them quite a nice ship. They just have a lot of potential for both cute scenarios and really really problematic, unhealthy and fucked up ones. The only reason I’m not writing a 4 page long essay on these two is because I don’t have as much to say about them… yet. Sorry, there’re so many characters in TW, and it takes a while both to get to everyone and to enjoy the ones we’re pretty confident about, so idk how long it’ll take for us to truly dive into Lilia/Silver as much as we have with Ortho/Idia.

TLDR; We love unhealthy dynamics, codependence, possessiveness and readiness to act drastically for a loved one. Ortho and Idia love each other dearly, and there is a lot of baggage and layers to their relationships, no matter which version of Ortho and Idia you take. Lilia and Silver also have a lot of potential for fun unhealthy scenarios, but they are also very hot together, and we are very self-indulgent, sooo don’t mind if we do.

And finally, let’s save all the right and healthy dynamics for real life. In fiction, it’s fun to look at things that are interesting, unusual and taboo. It’s always been this way with us; we’re just naturally drawn towards ships that have problematic elements in them, since they tend to have more potential for messed-up scenarios (and we prefer those). Even in ships with zero age gap and no family relation between the characters whatsoever, we enjoy playing with the idea of unhealthy obsessions, dependence and all this jazz. We just really love dark media, and not only for shipping purposes.

It’s also ironic, considering the topic of this particular post, but we aren’t that into incest as a trope/kink, haven’t been at least. We’re just very open-minded when a ship grabs our attention, and this is exactly what’s been happening lately with all these couples lol

I guess that’s it? Let me know if you have any more questions, and I really hope that I managed to explain what we see in these ships properly. If this monster of a reply isn’t enough for you for some reason and you crave more of our thoughts, please read this one too…

Thank you for reading! And have a good day.

#replies #shroudcest #liisil #about characters

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inventors-fair · 1 year

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Alone In The Big City Commentary

Hello everyone, @loreholdlesbian here again. I’m back with the commentary for the last contest I ran, the monocolored Ravnican legends

Garulsz, Jaded Barkeep by @wolkemesser

Interesting. So you want creatures to be damaged in combat, but survive, which rewards big creatures. And then you have a nice way to make your creatures bigger that ties into the food ability. My worry is just how much this’ll discourage your opponents from attacking. It makes the math really complicated (since you can turn food into +1/+1 counters), and it’ll be frustrating to get it wrong. I think the food-making ability should only work on your turn.

Aurelia and Lavinia by @piccadilly-blue

This is an interesting prison card. I like that it encourages you to attack, so it’s less of a grindy game, though you really only need one or two hits to be a nuisance. I kinda wish it encouraged it more, not using counters. Something like “Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage to a player, until your next turn, creatures can’t attack you, planeswalkers you control, or battles you protect unless their controller pays 2/W for each of those creatures.

Zorym, Gateless Courier by @bergdg

Pretty generic, but cool. The mana is definitely a good gate for the consecrated sphinx effect, stops it from getting out of control. I like hexproof from multicolored too, it tells a surprising amount of story, especially combined with the name. It implies some kind of rebellion type thing going on, and I think that kind of flavor is a good addition for a pretty generic value piece like this.

Zomaj Hauc, the Firemind by @misterstingyjack

The spellslinger effect seems a bit disconnected from the threaten tribal, but i guess a lot of those kinds of cards are instants and sorceries so i can see what you’re going for. And i really like the pieces. As a wording thing though, this should be “When this ability resolves for the second time”; there’s weird targeting issues with this as written.

Tomik, Chairman of Balance by @railway-covidae

This is a good kind of land destruction. It takes enough work to drag the game into a stalemate as a 6 mana card that you probably aren’t doing that work unless you’re about to win. And it’s good at taking on ramp decks. I do worry that 6 mana is too much for a hate card to do its job well, but i also worry it gets a bit too armageddony much lower? Not sure.

The Forgotten God by @dimestoretajic

I know you made this as a reference to Priest of the Forgotten Gods and I think making a card for that is a cool place to take this contest. The name throws me off though. The priest refers to gods plural, but having a single god be “the forgotten god” implies they’re the only one which is odd. Giving it the same immortality ability as Ilharg is a good flavorful tie. And onto the mechanics, I do quite like it, though it feels a *little* odd that it only triggers off a nontoken creature’s sacrifice but it cares about all sacrifice including tokens. It’s probbbbably fine though

Ranov, Undercity Scion by @snugz

“This ability triggers only once each turn doesn’t work with an ability like this that has it change zones; it can’t keep track of how many times it triggered before. (And technically it doesn’t trigger at all cause it’s a replacement effect.) More importantly though, I just don’t think this card is exciting. A toned down, safety-netted reference to what used to be a keyword just isn’t enticing in the way a legendary card should be.

Ilharg, the Scarring Flame by @halfsilveredmirror

This is a very mechanically different take on the character from the first iteration, but probably a more fitting one tbh. I really like the mini-decimate effect, this is cool. Pretty brutal though, especially with trample and haste; not hitting creatures is a good call (even if it was just for color pie reasons), it still gives them a chance.

Rev, Guide to the Guildless by @0woah

This fits the spirit of the contest (heh), but technically not the letter. This is a cool way to enable to enable gates matter stuff, though land tokens always have some issues- namely, they’re very easy to mix in with regular lands.

Thessgra, Azorius Legislator by @batatafilosofal

This seems neat. Clearly wants to be in a mill deck, so you want to make sure the payoff works well with that, and I’d say this does. It’s a very defensive card, which makes it easier for you to sit back and mill. I do think this wants a way to enable itself even if not very well.

Suniel, the Woodwise by @nine-effing-hells

Solid design here. Lots of populates are good, but this takes enough investment to do that that it’s not problematic. Is there a reason you chose to forgo reminder text? There’s more than enough room.

Rhakh, Raze-Board Dedicant by @curiooftheheart

“Enters the battlefield attacking” is a neat little flavorful addition to the trigger conditions. The intention clearly seems to be this dying during combat, which I quite like, but I wish the toughness was a little lower tbh. Like 5/3

Fblthp, Adored by @bread-into-toast

Very clearly a MOM or aftermath design, and I quite like it. I’m a little surprised we didn’t see any “Whenever this creature convokes” designs frankly. This card is really limited in its commander purposes by its color identity but not every card needs to be a great commander, and it’s a cool and fitting design all the same.

Storch, the Dead Drop by @spooky-bard

Art description: Deep in the Undercity, a skull and a bony arm are visible breaking the surface of a veritable mountain of rot to be harvested by the Golgari. Beams of light pour forth from its eye sockets, scanning and surveying the area. The glowing Dimir sigil branded onto the skeleton’s forehead makes its allegiance clear.

Surveil synergy plus reanimation is a fun combo of effects. This is minor, but I think this is a bit too color intensive for a ravnica set (and it feels more like a ravnica main set card than a supplemental set card) because it synergizes with a guild mechanic. You want to be able to throw this in with a bunch of surveil cards from the set and many of those are gonna be blue. Like I said though, minor point, and very cool card. The repeatable reanimation is likely a bit problematic though; that’s a pretty cheap reanimate as an activated ability all things considered, and it could get a bit repetitive.

Massacre Girl, Fugitive Headliner by @deg99

Neat design! This is just a solid, black-feeling beatstick. Annoying to block, annoying to kill. I just wish it did a little bit more massacring ya know? Killing generally one creature a turn at most just doesn’t feel like it lives up to the title.

Araithia “Rat” Shokta by @izzet-always-r-versus-u

Fun way to capture her “people don’t think about me deal”. Protection from everything, with a clear window for interacting. Mostly, this is just an invisible stalker that’s hard to suit up which is where Invisible stalker becomes most problematic, so it’s probably fine.

Bori Andon, Izzet Blastseeker by @i-am-the-one-who-wololoes

Art direction: Bori is on the left, with part of the back towards the camera, only the face is fully visible to the viewer. He stands a couple dozens meters away from the Harmony Basilica. Flying towards it (clearly launched by someone) there's a viashino; it's going to hit one of the glass windows. A lot of Ravnican are watching. Some Azorius and Boros members are running towards Bori to stop him.

Having a board wipe on board definitely shouldn’t be instantspeed with no mana needed to activate. That’s a good way to hold your opponents hostage. I also worry about this kind of repeatable board wipe where all you need to do is put a few +1/+1 counters on this or something (which if it’s your commander you’ll definitely build your deck to do) and you can, again, hold your opponents hostage.

Bachasarius, Stage Presences by @little-red-rabbit

Well you forgot legendary lol, but the intention was clearly there. This seems fine, good uncommon legendary design. Simple, points you in a pretty clear direction. Solid, not a ton to say here.

Acorn, Trostani’s Disciple by @squeezyboi

Well firstly, this has the same targeting issues I talked about in another card. (Like, the exact same, with only targeting on certain resolutions of the ability, it’s funny how y’all both did similar things in that regard.) But I like the general shape of the design, with “Play a bunch of creatures and you get a different effect each time”. And the vhitu ghazi token is cool. I just wish it was less cramped to read.

#mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #inventors' fair #alone in the big city contest #commentary

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fumifooms · 2 years

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L’s sugar addiction & self-medication : character analysis

I have some thoughts on L and his relationship to sugar that I haven’t seen from others yet surprisingly, so I’m making this post that hopefully won’t get too long definitely became long af. I’m very open to counter-arguments or people adding on to this.

Some context: I 100% see L as autistic and there’s honestly no debate to be had, even though I don’t think it was done intentionally. (I respect others having different perspectives, I just think it’s objectively the most fitting label/explanation and I’ll act like it’s a given through this analysis). I’m autistic myself, “high-functioning” meaning I mask decently enough, diagnosed at 18 and started taking concerta for attention this month at 19, I’m also INTP if that matters and yeah uh as a kid I identified a lot with L and Near and wow surprise surprise I got a bit unhealthily reliant on sugar for a while there, so here I go.

Other context headcanons: L has autism, but is undiagnosed, which I believe mostly because Wammy’s House seems to be outside of the government and society’s eye and it didn’t seem concerned with diagnosis or mental health, the time at which Death Note was written in, and just general vibes idk. Even if he was diagnosed, he strikes me as the kind of autistic who wouldn’t care about the label and wouldn’t give much thought to it -mostly because he gives 0 shit about masking tbh and he’s highly fact oriented-, thinking he works well as he is and that medication would change him and the rupture to his habits sound unpleasant, even if down the line it’d be very helpful and it actually doesn’t change you as a person chill. Yeahh, I have an aversion to drugs of any kind, outside stuff affecting my brain chemistry just gives me a big nope, that’s including alcohol, coffee and painkillers, so I can relate even if it’s something I have to get over, and he seems the type of not wanting to be under any effect. Anyways point is: he doesn’t take meds and isn’t super aware of his condition, despite being knowledgeable in his habits and needs in many regards in canon, on the spot I’m thinking about his sitting pose = brain power stat for example.

So why the sugar? The canon explanation is something along the lines of it giving him the energy he needs because he sleeps so little. Yeah fair, that does make sense, and also fits in with what I’ll be talking about:

My explanation: L self-medicates with sugar, which lead to sugar addiction. And I’m being 100% unironic. Those words are thrown around jokingly a lot but sugar addiction is a real issue that doesn’t get addressed much. Confirmation that L’s relationship with sugar is an addiction might even have been like, explicitely stated in canon at some point? But I haven’t seen that around and my memory really isn’t that good. So yeah there’s probably L’s picky food taste because of autism sensory issues in there as well, him just liking the taste and all and wanting same food, but this level of always eating it is more than just a preference. I’m sorry fellow autistic guy that only ate potatoes for all his life and got massive problems, but at least potatoes don’t influence your brain chemistry. Even if it started as a preference and continues to be such, if he’s addicted or not with how much of it he consumes is out of his hands. And where my earlier rambling comes in is: I think he’s unaware that it’s an addiction, I think he doesn’t think much of it, he overestimates his agency and control over his diet, even if he does recognize his dependency on it to a degree. L eats sweets pretty much constantly in canon, so that part won’t be argued about, I’m more interested in the why and how of it.

Let’s refine what sugar addiction is a bit, have this article. (It implied at one point that sugar can’t be truly/gravely addicting but it shows facts comprehensively so I’ll let it slide) Sugar addiction pretty much demands that you eat sugar constantly to get the effects (energy, stimulation that makes your head feel clearer) you seek, when the addiction is in full swing. Sounds self-explanatory yet? Is sugar addiction real? Further reading: healthline.com article, theguardian article, someone’s journey. It’s a complex and debated issue, and sugar is still something important to have in certain quantity in our bodies, I don’t claim to be a biochemist or expert on the topic.

Ok but why sugar? Why would he get addicted? Why does L feel like he need it? Well even if it wasn’t a full on addiction, which in his case it is, sugar gives energy, as mentioned, it can somewhat act as a stimulant. Without mentioning that sugar is widely spread and seen as pretty casual, it’s easy to get into eating it way too much and thinking nothing of it, like coffee, especially if you don’t suspect your craving of it is tied in with how your brain works. In autism, if you tend to be understimulated, you can get prescribed stimulant medication that’s intended or generally given to people with ADHD, like me with concerta, it’s really not that uncommon. Have these article tidbits that adress it as self-medication:

(article 1: addcrusher.com “How You Are Self-medicating your ADHD” - Article 2: Medium.com “Why Adults With Undiagnosed ADHD Often Turn To Self-medication”)

Why do you think L needs stimulants in the first place? He has shown to want more stimuli in general, rather than being overstimulated, even if he does like to have a calm controlled environment. I, too, am an autistic person that gets understimulated easily, which mostly leads me to listen to fast paced music as stimming when doing college exams, etc. L seeks the mental stimulation of puzzles and it’s the only thing he shows interest in doing (canon), again because of the stimulating entertainment factor. Because he doesn’t mind situations that put him under pressure, or in contact with a team of people or in public. He doesn’t mask to appear nice or neurotypical, but he does show no discomfort about an overwhelming amount of stimuli in general. Also because he stims in other ways than solving cases: tapping his feet, playing with food, etc. And, last of all, the reason of this essay, because he eats sweets all the time.

Okay, but sugar as self-medication? Really? Where does your personal experience come into this? Like I’ve mentioned here and there, I get understimulated easily and I only started taking stimultant meds veryyyy recently. That stuff is instinctual; you’ll tap your feet mindlessly if you need more stimulation, if you’re hungry you’ll eat, if you want coffee you’ll get it, if you have a lil sugar craving you’ll seek to quench it, even if you don’t really know why. You do what makes you happy, and if sugar makes you feel good for a while, makes you feel energized or think more clearly then subconsciously you’ll start wanting it more often, hence why you start out not thinking much of it. I wouldn’t describe my case as an addiction, I don’t think I really got withdrawal or super bad or anything, but there definitely were days when i’d constantly be craving and/or eating sweets, always taking breaks from fruitless work to grab another sugary snack every 15 minutes or every hour. Gummies or other candies, cookies, marshmallows, and for a while even literal packets of refined sugar. They were food cravings like any other, feels like “I want some pizza”, but underlaced with need, and a feeling that you’ll feel and function better once you’ve gotten it. But the craving never stops, and you’re never satisfied, you only ever end up taking more and more and more. Yeah, I’d class my experience as an attempt at self-medication, definitely. Often when I'd take a lot and keep surrendering to the craving for more it’d just lead to more intense hyperactivity, manic symptoms and my body going bonkers with sweating and shaking and stuff, but sometimes it’d genuinely help me focus on schoolwork and on concentration.

Conclusion: It’s a stimulant, so it helps L. It makes him feel like it’s helping him think better and be more awake, so he takes more. It keeps working to some degree even if it’s unhealthy, so he never stops it or tries alternatives. That’s kind of all there is to it, in the end. L puts a great deal of interest in his mental state for productivity purposes, but has never seemed to have any care in his body’s health at all, so I don’t think he’d care to change even if he knew how bad it was anyways.

Tangent: I also like the thought of Wammy’s House being pretty abusive in that neglectful (and manipulative) way and Watari being such an enabler, all focused on performance rather than healthy behavior and thought processes, which does work for iq results apparently but at what cost. L and Mello especially def have some self-destructive habits. Anyways yeah- I like that angle instead of the whole thing being “haha quirky”, it sounds narratively consistant and compelling for the tone of the Death Note franchise. I’m sure Watari honestly believes he’s doing a good thing and helping L working at his best condition, to some degree, but yeahhh feeding the guy under your care only sweets for years without steering him towards healthier alternatives is bad if we want to do a realistic analysis, especially if you’re the one who raised him/organized the environment in which he grew up.

Actual conclusion, more in-depth: So what does this all mean for his character, if I’m getting angstier: L is driven into his detective work not because of some grand passion or ambition (canon), but because working on cases is the only thing interesting enough for him (also canon) aka the only thing that gives him enough stimuli to not be understimulated and painfully bored, but for that lifestyle of constantly chasing high stimulation he also needs substances that give him a rush. The whole thing is extremely unhealthy and unsustainable and L will crash and burn out eventually at any given moment. Kind of a tragic character, huh. He died on his thoughest case ever, his interest driving him to take risks and get more invested and stressed than ever.

L’s laser focus on objective productivity while ignoring the fact that he has human physical needs just like everyone else, likely from a feeling of superiority and uniqueness not entirely unfounded, makes him blind to his very real issues. Being an irl L isn’t cool, it’s sad and unhealthy, cringy for everyone else around you. You may think you have metaphysics and the meaning of life or lack thereof pegged, but that won’t do you any good while you’re on the floor in a manic episode or burnout. I’ve been there mate, but seriously, gain perspective and grow some self-care, being purely statistic oriented is stupid.

Give this man concerta. And a therapist he’ll condescendingly dismiss and talk over, but therapy nonetheless.

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