#text each other. (it was literally 2 sisters and 1 cousin. the cousin could have just idk VISITED THEM ANY FUCKING TIME??? you

[bunnyb34r]

Well guess the Easter Weekend Curse in my family is still ongoing... yay...

Context, every Easter weekend that I can remember, something bad happens.

Grandma got sick and went to the hospital, huge fight between my mom's brother in law and my dad, probably was when my dad and his dad had the fight that split them up until the end, aunt died, dad died, other aunt died, got hurt at the water park, family fight/rift BECAUSE we went to the waterpark instead of having our egg hunt (between extended family being immature. Yall could host one that's an idea). Uh family fight, family fight, another family fight (gee I wonder why we stopped doing the egg hunt).

Today's was just emotional blowup and minor breakdown (not ab DogCousin wgdgdgd dont worry)

And bonus: I guess easter was always when my moms oldest sister would run away. God forbid we spend ONE DAY not praising her and spend it focused on the resurrection of Christ. 🙄

Anyway it happens every goddamn year and it still surprises me every time 🙄🙄

#marquilla #the rift was bc my cousins (who at the time were in high school and for the past 3 egg hunts just sat in a corner texting each other) were #SO UPSET that we decided hey lets NOT stress ab this stupid party that inevitably leads to fights and lets go do something different #just the 3 of us. i mean hell the oldest is in college and the youngest is 8 so pretty much everyone has aged out of the egg hunt. #but apparently that was the wrong move bc how DARE we deprive them of the chance to sit in a corner and ignore the rest of the family and #text each other. (it was literally 2 sisters and 1 cousin. the cousin could have just idk VISITED THEM ANY FUCKING TIME??? you #dont need an egg hunt for this?? yall drive now??) and how DARE we deprive them the chance to look for candy in the grass. didnt we know we #had a monopoly on filling plastic eggs with candy?? no one else can do that but US! #like the youngest literally did not care one way or the other that year and the youngest group of us wouldve been 8-13. so not like we #put a stop to it bc /i/ outgrew it and there were still toddlers #it was tra/dwifes family btw like her specifically and she wouldnt let my mom fucking forget for like a decade #several times we told her YOU can host it no ones stopping you 🙄 but noooo it's not special that way! 🙄🙄🙄 #im still bitter ab that i guess but bc of the grief she gave my poor mother and the subsequent grief our relatives gave us for it #over fucking plastic eggs and candy #and it wasnt like it was ever a competition bc my mom would always count the eggs in the big ass tub and how many kids were playing and it #would be like 'okay everyone gets 12 eggs. when you hit 12 STOP' bc we didnt wanna have more drama and tears over PLASTIC FUCKING EGGS #anyways i hate this shit bc easter should be a joyus time and it always fucking sucks #every goddamn year

[beautifulletdownfics]

Terrible to Meet You - A Harry Styles One Shot - Act 3, Hearts beat not fail

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Harry wants to get out of the house. Alex wants to get home.

Alex meets Harry at at crossroads. Harry meets Alex on a one way street.

A coffee shop OU fic feat. lattes, lamingtons & that Great Unfathomable Feeling.

Story Page Here  My Masterlist Here

Read Act 1 & 2 Here

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Four Walls 'I wanna make you feel how I feel when I'm listening to love songs'

For their first date, Harry took Alex to his favourite spot at the top of Golders Hill Park, the place with the view that often derailed his outdoor runs, it was so breathtaking.

For the two weeks leading up to him asking her, Harry made an effort to occasionally visit The Daily Dose in the afternoon as well as his daily morning visit.

On those afternoons he and Alex would usually end up in the park near the cafe-—just like that first time—spending hours talking about what they were watching or reading or telling each other about friends or family members, travel adventures and failures. Once, Harry listened to Alex list her top five arguments between her flatmates, which ranged from week-long silent treatments over unstacking the dishwasher to a year-long war over missing socks. Alex liked hearing about all the things Harry loved about being back home in London indefinitely. Harry's favourite thing was when Alex got passionate and started 'swearing in Australian' as he phrased it.

When he admitted to only knowing Australian music to be the likes of Kylie Minogue, Keith Urban and Gotye, Alex vowed to educate him. Later that evening, a text came through a link to a Spotify playlist and Harry listened to nothing else for months.

Neither said it to the other, but as their hearts watched their exchanges—beady little eyes flicking back and forth like tennis spectators inside rib cages—there was a sense a story was unravelling before them Harry and Alex were powerless to control. Harry saw it all as instantly as a human could, while Alex needed half an inch of beckoning to read along with the words on their page. How perfectly two stars aligned—one coming home while the other looked to a home on the too-far horizon.

Alex hadn't ever felt comfortable with someone so quickly, and it was rare for attraction to last for her. Romantically, her endeavours in London always fell a little flat, and she generally ended up on dates with other Australians. Or Kiwis.

Harry went against what she'd experienced before; he made eye contact, and he was attentive in conversations, he remembered little things and threads between her stories that made Alex feel heard and seen. He teased when she swore too much and asked questions when he didn't know something.

So, when Harry lay the picnic rug for them on the grass, only to discover it was covered in muddy paw prints and hair, she enjoyed the opportunity to laugh at him, and to be comforted by the nerves he rarely showed as he kicked the back of the rug in haste trying to clean it off. He lay it back down and sheepishly admitted it was usually for saving his sister's dog from messing up the back seats of his car when Harry dog-sat for her.

He looked flustered and thrown, and Alex thought it was perfect.

"Do you think Paul's face is permanently going to look like that?" Harry asked, waiting for her to glance over at him before doing his best rendition of Paul's smug expression. She laughed as Harry went back to pulling out the provisions he'd brought with him; snacks and water, a book for Alex to borrow, his film camera and then finally, a small, cardboard box from a bakery in East London he was anxious to give her. Alex put down the coffees they'd brought with them from The Daily Dose (Harry was proudly calling his a long black now) as Harry handed her what he hoped would be his silver bullet.

He glanced back up at her where she was standing to the side, taking in the park around them. He was glad he seemed to have taken her to somewhere new. This was his favourite place in London. Before Harry picked her up, Alex swapped her work clothes for a blue and white dress with just two thin straps up over her shoulders. Harry couldn't keep his eyes from settling on the freckles over her collarbones, he was utterly entranced by the newly exposed skin. She only got more attractive to him, although as he nearly spilled the honey almonds everywhere, he was sure the catalogue of moments where he looked like an idiot in front of her only grew.

"It's his universe stuff again," she adjusted the sunglasses on her nose, and shut her eyes beneath her glasses, tuning into the feeling of warmth from the sun around them. She was thinking about how the heat in London felt utterly different from the summers at home. The summer she'd give anything for right now, along with the feeling of home. In summer London got warm, but it didn't swelter like she craved. It was a crisp, clean warmness that she felt safe basking in. At home, weeks of heat started to feel suffocating and heavy.

"Does he still think I'm your cosmic event?" Harry asked after a quiet moment, thinking of Paul's declaration from a few days before. The two hearts leaned in closer, Harry's holding a hand out to Alex's.

Alex hummed out a sound that could go either way, turning around to see if she could help Harry setting up at all, "He also thinks Brad and Jen are going to get back together."

Harry squinted up at her, trying to appear unbothered as he patted the rug in invitation, "Could still happen though, right?"

Taking the few steps to the edge of the rug, she looked at him, taking in the way his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth. Was he talking about the celebrity couple or … "Maybe?"

It wasn't a conversation for their first date though, so Harry diverted it, "I'm still holding out hope for Ross and Rachel, to be honest."

When they were settled in their spot on the side of the hill, the expanse of parkland in front of them, Harry stretched his legs out lazily in front of him, watching as Alex lowered herself down and crossed hers in a pretzel sit beside him. He was hyper-aware of the spot on the side of his left thigh Alex's knee lightly pressed up against. Neither of them moved away from the other.

Slowly, Alex turned her attention back to the box, "What's this?"

"Open it," Harry smiled, "I got you something."

Alex felt her cheeks heat as he watched her fold back the top to reveal what was sitting inside.

Lamingtons.

Harry brought her lamingtons.

"How did you know about these?" Alex marvelled.

"I Googled 'How to get an Australian to fall for you', and this was Step One."

Alex felt her cheeks warm further and saw Harry notice it, "That's not something you can Google, surely."

He grinned back at her, itchy on the inside somehow and tingling all over, "I think at this point, you can Google literally anything."

Alex picked one up and held it between her fingers, struggling to take in the gesture of it. As she chewed through her first, tentative bite she thought of making the small cakes in her grandmother's kitchen during school holidays. They were such a nostalgic food, one that Alex hadn't thought about for a long time. As soon as Harry opened the box though, she was back to being ten-years-old, her feet sticking to the lino of her grandparent's kitchen while all her cousins, sandy and pink from the beach, fought over the plate while being scolded for flinging coconut pieces up the walls.

She took another bite of the lamington and a sip of her tea.

"These are bloody good," Harry's voice was muffled by his mouthful of chocolate, coconut sponge.

Alex laughed at him, "They're one of my favourites."

Harry's face lit up instantly, he'd hit the mark perfectly. He took the next step tentatively, "I really like you, Alex."

"I really like you too," Alex looked up at him, finding the words surprisingly easy to conjure despite the fact hearing them from Harry drilled a shaking fear through her. Her feelings all clicked into place a little too quickly with his, or so it seemed. She didn't know how to square the want for him with her need to leave, to get home. Nothing in her was as sure as the longing for Australia.

His gaze on her was expressionless, but not in an unsettling way, Harry was merely watching her, and Alex found herself calming, and settling into the moment. In fact, she watched him right back, as if hunting for the next piece in whatever puzzle they'd started together.

An exacerbated laugh let her lips eventually, and Harry's expression changed to silently question what was going through her head.

She was grinning at him from her spot beside him, hair framing her face as the sky behind them warmed with the sunset, "Doesn't this feel a little surreal?"

Harry could put his finger on the shared feeling immediately, "Feels like we've done this before, doesn't it?"

She nodded, "What was Step Two?" Alex asked him.

&&&

It rained.

Which, in hindsight, Harry should have made provisions for. It started lightly, and he and Alex stopped talking and looked at each other in shock. She held out her palm to the sky and started laughing while they both waited to see whether it was a passing sun shower or something that would settle in.

Only a few minutes later, they were scrambling into Harry's car almost completely drenched through. Alex hadn't stopped laughing, which Harry took to be a good thing, and it was contagious because he found himself with a sore stomach from his own laughter as well.

"Jesus Christ," he breathed out, wiping the hair from his forehead.

"When it rains, it pours here, doesn't it," Alex held herself in an upright position leaning forward to avoid her warm, wet skin sticking to Harry's seats. Her arms hung in the air in front of her as Alex collected the water droplets along her arms with her fingers.

"Don't worry about the car," Harry read her manoeuvring, swallowing away the wave of lust that swept through him at the sight of her singlet stuck to her body and the damp sheen of her skin. "Are you okay?"

"Yep, I'm good," she grinned over at him, hair stuck to her temples and neck, looking invigorated by the decimation of Harry's perfectly planned afternoon, not put out by it, "You don't have an old gym towel kicking out back there, do you?" She gestured to the back seat.

Harry's face screwed up, "No, and even if I did, I would not be offering you a used gym towel!"

"Usually, that would reassure me."

"I've got clean ones at home," Harry started slowly, "It's just around the corner …"

Alex vacillated between being terrified Harry liked her just as much as she liked him, and berating herself for the feeling.

A smile was splitting his face as he waited for his response, Alex envied the ease behind his charm, "Let's go."

&&&

Alex instantly loved his house.

It was clean and warm and understated. As Harry led her, he named the room as he went. Alex tried equally to take every inch in and tattoo it to the inside of her skull, trawling it for details and lessons about Harry, while at the same time trying desperately not to appear too nosy or eager.

Her dress was wet and uncomfortably stuck skin to her as they went.

There was an awkward moment when Harry left her in his laundry with a bathrobe and instructions to take off her wet clothes while he ran upstairs to do the same. A few minutes later, (during which Alex agonised over whether to take off her underwear or not) Harry quietly knocked on the door and said Alex's name as he came in with a fresh outfit and an armful of his own for the washing machine.

When they got to the kitchen, he offered to put the kettle on, and Harry's movement prompted her to notice an appliance sitting tucked away in the corner on the bench.

"What's that!"

Harry turned around at the sound of her cry, he'd been trying to breathe through thoughts of Alex wrapped in his robe which was somehow setting off a loud (horny) alarm in him, "What? What's what?"

"That!" Alex went towards him, a look of horror on her face as she stared at the espresso machine he barely used anymore, "Harry! What the hell is this?"

"Oh," he rested his hip against the bench and crossed his arms over his chest, "That?"

Alex bumped his shoulder with the heel of her hand, "You don't need to buy coffee every day, look at this beauty."

Harry felt her thigh pressed against his. He didn't move away from the touch. Instead, he let his palm find the small of her back while she ran her fingertips over the top of the silver machine in front of them, "I think you know why I do, actually, need to buy coffee every day."

Watching her in profile, Harry saw her lips quirked in understanding, although Alex tried to hide it.

When she was quiet for a few beats too long, Harry prompted her, "Alex?"

"It's Paul's clairvoyant services, isn't it?"

"It's really not," Harry laughed, "Although it was impressive he guessed my favourite Friends character based off my coffee order."

Alex rolled her eyes, "It was a lucky guess."

Harry laughed and leaned closer to her, angling himself so they were face to face and he could hear the unsteadiness of her breathing, "I go every day to see you," he tells her simply.

"I know," she pressed her lips together and flexed her fingers out from the fists they'd been squeezed in. "I'm glad you do."

"But you can come over and use this anytime you want," Harry said of his machine. His nose was so close to Alex's it almost itched.

He knew to kiss her then as if he'd lived it before or it was a moment that happened in another life, and something in Harry remembered it. Hearts reached out for each other and fell together in the centre as Harry's lips pressed to Alex's, there was a sigh of souls as if two pieces of time clicked together perfectly.

After not even a minute of having Harry's mouth against hers, Alex felt breathless, his chest pressing into the bulkiness of the bathrobe around her. She laughed at something her body understood, but she didn't yet, leaning away from Harry to take a breath and finding his lips greedy to keep her there.

"Harry, Harry, stop," Alex finally put her hands on him, fingers curving over the top of his shoulders and squeezing lightly.

He was breathless in front of her as well, faces together and lips upturned, "Yes?"

"This is insane, we shouldn't… This … This is insane." She laughed, her head moving back and forth.

Harry's brows furrowed, but the smile stayed across the rest of his face, "What is? Why is it insane?"

Alex wasn't enjoying stopping it, "I'm sorry, I don't—Don't you think starting something is a bad idea?"

His head tilted to one side, "I happen to think it's an excellent idea, actually."

"It's insane," her heart wasn't in the protest though.

"It's not," He argued back gently, sensing Alex stepping through something in her head. Something that Harry probably needed stepping through as well, "This happens."

"It does?"

"Two people meeting by chance and both being crazy for each other from the start? Yes."

"But this year …"

He grinned, swaying and holding her eyes with his, "Just agree and say you're crazy for me, Alex."

Alex half-rolled her eyes as she accepted the kiss coming her way, chaste and sweet, "I mean, the world is ending, Harry—

—If the world is ending," he gave her a look, "Then this is the best time, this is the time to just take your shot. What have you got to lose?"

Alex couldn't force herself into the same blind faith, "Nothing's for certain anymore."

Harry's gaze softened, "Nothing except how you feel, nothing except the person right in front of you, right now."

The person in front of her wasn't someone Alex was looking for at all.

"What's going to happen?" Alex asked, sounding young and unsure. Her fingers reached for Harry's, and she linked herself to him silently.

Harry replied honestly, "I don't know, but I want to find out."

&&&

505 'Oh, when you look at me like that, my darling, what did you expect?'

She woke with Harry's hand resting heavily across her ribs.

It took Alex's brain only a few seconds before her eyes flew open, and she reached aimlessly for her phone, "Shit."

4:12am.

Shit, she thought, brain drunk on sleep as her chest lit up with panic.

Alex wasn't of right mind, and so her attempt to slip out from Harry's bed and skip across the room for her belongings was met by staunch resistance from him. Immediately at her movement, his grip tightened in his sleep, and Harry's body leaned closer to her, his arm extending further around Alex's torso as his face contorted in a frown.

"Harry," she said more urgently, his bedroom dark and still around them, "I have to go."

Those words turned the lights on in his head, and Harry's eyes opened in the darkness, "What?"

It was four weeks since the first time she had been to his house but the night before was the first time Alex stayed over on a weeknight. (Weekends had almost exclusively been spent together) She didn't remember falling asleep. Things got heated after dinner and a movie on Harry's sofa and two orgasms later exhausted, so it seems, they broke the weeknight rule.

Alex wriggled away with the slight loosening of Harry's hold, "I have to go," she repeated.

Harry raised his head up to look for the time, "No, it's 4am, Al, no."

"We fell asleep," Alex covered his wrist with her hand and pulled it up with the duvet and started to kick her legs out. "I have to go home first before work."

"Why?" Harry asked, sitting up and squinting in the darkness to see where she was moving. He didn't understand why Alex never took advantage of the fact he lived closer to her job than she did.

"I don't have work clothes here."

"Alex," his arm lunged towards where the last of her was slipping out of his reach. Harry got a hold of her elbow and gently tugged it towards him, Alex's movement stopped, and he heard a quiet sigh come from her lips, "We'll find you something to wear here."

"Harry," she protested. Wearing a man's clothes only worked in movies, Alex had boobs and hips and wasn't any part of her that wished for the hit to her self esteem trying any of his clothes would provide.

"Alex."

"You won't have anything that will work for me."

Fit, fit was the word she meant.

Harry groaned, still barely able to think straight from being woken from the deepest sleep, "It's four o'clock in the morning, Alex, what were you going to do, get an Uber across London for a t-shirt and jeans? I'll give you a shirt, and you can wear the jeans you wore yesterday."

"I need black jeans for work."

"Paul won't care, and I'll drive you too," Harry thought it pertinent to try sweetening the deal, although he thought it went without saying. His next words came out more firmly, "I'm not letting you leave at 4am, come back go bed."

Alex obeyed, but she felt betrayed by her mind for giving in mostly due to sleepiness. Harry's chest was warm, and with the duvet back around her, she lay awake with the sound of his deep breathing as he slept on. It didn't take long for tears to prickle her eyes and a thick hotness to coat the back of her throat. Here she was in the arms of a man who'd completely taken her life by surprise, yet Alex had an overwhelming yearning for a place on the other side of the world.

Every time she spoke to her sister about the baby or heard from her brother and his fiancé about their wedding, the fire inside her raged with a frustrated and fierce calling for home.

How could she be so desperate to leave while at the same time feel like she had everything to lose in going? She sensed her life had come to be ruled by two separate timers: one counting down to the moment she got on a flight back home, and the other simultaneously counting down her time with Harry. One timer ticking down to something she wanted so much, but it also signified her losing something she had no idea she would get.

Shit, she thought.

&&&

Harry thought it was funny how Alex thought Paul didn't know they were seeing each other.

When he dropped her off at work that morning, she was adamant they go early, and he was not to pull up outside The Daily Dose. Harry had a right mind to call up his mum and apologise for all the times he or his sister asked her to do something similar dropping them off to school.

Alex was wearing the jeans she wore to his house on Saturday—and again on Sunday, evidentially she wasn't bothered wearing them twice in one weekend—and a long-sleeve t-shirt of his from somewhere along the line. It was a teal green Harry had not been keen on in the slightest until he saw Alex in it. She knotted it with a hair tie at her waist to fix it being too long on her. (Harry hadn't said he told her so)

"Do you want to stay over again tonight?" He asked, the engine running as he leant to peer around the street corner towards where the cafe was, "Are you sure I can't just drive you around to the front?

She shook her head at his second question, and then answered his first, "And run into the same clothing problem again?"

Harry smirked and ran his eyes across her chest, thinking of the moments immediately after he saw her wearing his shirt and how he promptly removed it from her, "I don't recall there being any problem."

"Harry!"

"We've broken the weeknight rule now, it's moot," he bargained. Trying not to think about the fact that at any moment, she could get the phone call or email that would mean he'd lose her. Harry wanted nothing more for her than for Alex to have certainty about getting back to her family in Australia, but that didn't mean the selfish half of him wasn't greedy for all the time he could get. "We can go and pick up some stuff from your place, I'll come to pick you up at three."

"You're relentless," she was halfway out, her leg out the car door as she gathered her handbag from the floor.

Harry grinned at her, "Sure am! Now, c'mere," he curled his finger at her, leaning his elbow onto the middle console.

Alex leant forward and kissed him, for all her resistence she couldn't help her next question, "Will you come in later this morning for a coffee?"

"Of course," his palm squeezed her forearm, "Have a good day."

He sat and watched her skip down the street and around the corner through the windscreen, smiling like a fool to himself. The phone number Harry dialled next was automatic, he didn't even think twice about how early it was.

"Good morning, my wonderful, son," his mother answered warmly.

"Morning, mum," Harry checked the traffic behind him and turned out onto the road. "How are you?"

"I'm good, my dear, what a treat to hear from you first thing. What's news from London?"

His whole life, he'd heard people say 'when you know, you know'…

"I've met the woman I'm going to marry, mum."

Well, Harry knew.

&&&

Sixteen 'Time. Suddenly, we got no time'

Two weeks later, on a Tuesday, Harry received the kind of phone call he'd do well to avoid ever getting again.

It had just gone 10pm, which was late for Alex to be awake on a work night.

Harry was spread out on the armchair in his bedroom where he'd been reading for the few hours after dinner. His bed beckoned, but he was trying to get through the final few chapters of his book.

Seeing his girlfriend's name flash up on his phone brought a smile to his face.

"Hey you," he answered, sure that she'd be on the other end of the call, bored or frustrated at not being able to sleep. It immediately became clear though, from the first sound Harry heard from her down the line, that something was very wrong. He listened to a shaky intake of breath and something like a whimper from her, "Alex? What's wrong?"

She pressed her hand into her chest to steady herself, "Can I come over?"

Harry was on his feet, "Yes, yes, of course. I can come to get you, where are you?"

"I'm already in an Uber," she said quietly.

"Are you alright? What's happened," Harry urged again, racing down the stairs from the top storey of his house, turning on all the lights as he went, "Alex?"

It was silly how upset she was, Alex couldn't stop the devastation she felt though, "Jess has gone into labour."

Harry stilled, his heartbreaking for her, "Oh, Alex, babe, I'm sorry."

"Yeah," she breathed out, shakily, "I just don't want to be alone right now."

"Is everything okay, I mean, this is early, right?"

"Jess is fine," Alex relayed, "It's just early."

Fifteen minutes later, Harry got a text saying her Uber was about to turn onto his street. He left the front door wide open and went down to meet her on the curb. He watched the headlights of a dark sedan slowly creep towards him, feeling a heavy dread inside him.

She's not supposed to be here for this, he thought to himself. It wasn't fair.

He thought of the conversations they'd already had about what would happen when Alex got notice of her flight back home. It was all Harry wanted for her, despite the fact it would mean living with his heart outside his body. Despite the fact it would put everything up in the air for him. He was determined to have her in his life, just as he was determined to do nothing but blindly encourage and support her return home.

Alex emerged from the back passenger door, saying a sincere thank you to the driver.

"Hey," Harry greeted her, pleased to see an overnight bag hanging off her shoulder.

"Hi," she stepped up to him and straight into his open arms, squeezing herself as tightly as she could against his chest.

&&&

His leg was numb, but Harry wasn't in any hurry to move.

He and Alex were wedged into the corner of his sofa, her lying between his legs with her torso across his, one of his legs propped up on the back cushion while the other wrapped around her hip on the other side.

It had been a little over an hour since she arrived, and Alex was waiting for a phone call confirming the birth of her sister's baby. The two of them had been quietly chatting back and forth while a quiet album played in the background, Alex teary and struggling while Harry did everything he could do soothe her through the waiting. But there was no feeling better, there was no magical way to fix it for her. Alex was as far away as humanly possible from her family at precisely the time she wanted to be with them. Instead of meeting her niece or nephew in person, Alex would be hearing about them from a phone call.

Harry felt the vibration coming from Alex's phone at the same moment she did. She sniffed against his chest and flipped it over where the screen was lit up with an incoming FaceTime. Harry's hands fell away from where they'd been crossed over her back, he watched Alex sit up between his legs and run her sleeve under her eyes.

"It's my brother-in-law," she told him, surprising Harry when she swiped to accept the video call.

The week before, when Harry told his mum about Alex, it was the first time his family had heard of her. And in the time since, Alex admitted her siblings already knew about him. Still, Harry wasn't sure how much they knew of him, and he didn't feel the need or want to insert himself into such an important family moment. Still, Alex wasn't moving away from him or making it seem at like she wanted to be alone for the call. Harry stayed where he was, looking up at Alex and observing her interaction silently from his spot.

"Alex!" The booming voice of her sister's husband filled Harry's warm, London living room.

She held the phone out in front of her face, face splitting into a colossal smile Harry wished he could bottle, "Matt, how is she? What's going on?"

"Jess is great," Matt told her, the white hospital wall behind him giving nothing away, "She did amazing. And we've got a little boy, Alex. He's perfect, you … You can't imagine how perfect."

Tears leaked out of her eyes instantly, "A boy!"

"A little man," he confirmed joyfully, blind with the love of a new parent.

Harry squeezed Alex's hip, feeling emotional himself. Wishing like anything Alex wasn't doing this over a phone screen. She mopped up her tears with the sleeve of her jumper.

"Show me him, where is he?" Alex was desperate to see her nephew, "Where's Jess?"

"She sent me out here to call you, we don't have great reception in the room," Matt explained. "As soon as she's up and moving, she'll call you herself."

"Oh, okay," Alex tried not to sound too disappointed.

Matt knew her well enough to sense it though, "It's alright, Alex. She's desperate to speak to you, Jess wants to be the one to introduce you to him. He's not looking his best at the moment now, anyway," Matt laughed, "They're kinda misshapen when they come out."

"I'm so happy," Alex said happily. "How are you?"

"Me!" Matt laughed, "I'm great. Your sister is a bloody legend. We miss you though."

"I miss you guys, too, more than ever."

Harry looked away from her face, focusing on the black TV screen across the room.

"You'll be back soon though," Matt was upbeat.

"I can't believe you're a dad!" Alex cried out happily, "I'm going to have to start writing down all the corrupt and illegal things I've witnessed you do, so I can turn your kid against you when they're older."

Matt laughed, "Ah, you fucker. I hope they never let you back in then."

&&&

"I'm such a wanker," Harry said into the blackness of his bedroom, sometime after 1am that evening.

Alex was lying beside him, stretched out across his bed with her legs kicked out on top of the bedding. They had the window open, letting in the warm summer air. It was making Alex feel like she could be at home, in a humid Sydney night.

"Why are you a wanker, Harry?"

"All this time, I've been silently glad you missed your flight back in May… Because it meant I got to mee yout. But after tonight, I—I'm such a dick for being happy about that. You should be with your family right now."

Harry wondered how Alex's usual optimism would measure up to his confession. He'd not seen such emotion from her tonight, her ability to snap her way out of negativity up until that point had been nobel. But she was devastated when he answered his phone earlier in the night, and part of Harry was surprised she wanted to be with him at all at the moment. Surely nothing in London could feel good when she longed so desperately for somewhere else.

"You're not a wanker, Harry."

"Well, I feel like one."

"Were you supposed to be in London right now?"

"Sorry?" He asked.

"If this year had gone how you planned," Alex explained, "Would you have been in London right now? Or in May?"

He thought for a moment, "No, I would have been on tour somewhere. Wasn't going to be in London much this year."

Harry had stopped measuring life by where he was meant to be a few months before, it was driving him mad.

Alex rolled over on her side and pulled Harry's arm against her chest, "Do you want me to say I'm glad your tour got cancelled so we had the chance to meet, to make you feel better?"

"Yes, actually," Harry smiled.

"So glad you've basically lost a year of work, don't know what I would have done without my new piece of London arse."

The next sound was her squeal of surprise when Harry launched himself on top of her, burrying his scratchy cheeks into the hollow of her neck and digging his fingers into her soft sides.

&&&

The next day, Alex got the email.

Notification of Repatriation Flight - London (Heathrow) to Sydney

&&&

Silent Readers: Click here Act 4, And love blooms in hearts not fields - coming soon!

+++

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#fic: terrible to meet you #1dff #Harry fic #harry stories #harry styles fanfic

[palimpsessed]

Writerly Ephemera

I was tagged by @amywaterwings @mostlymaudlin @tea-brigade @effing-numpties @captain-aralias @bloodiedpixie . This is so cool, so thanks for sharing yours! ❤️

Per Amy: We add little bits of ourselves to our writing, scattering memories and places and phrases and things into our stories. The game is to find five examples of this, of YOU, in your writing and show everyone.

I don’t really feel like I put much of my own experiences into my fic, probably because I don’t feel like I have a lot of experiences to pull from. (That’s not me being self-deprecating; that’s me never going anywhere or doing anything.) So, let’s see what we come up with!

Going to tag here. I feel like I’ve gotten to this late so I’m not sure who has been tagged. Anyway. No pressure, loves. Just saying hi. 🥰 @theflyingpeach @bazzybelle @otherworldsivelivedin @unseelieseelie @wetheformidables @caitybug @nightimedreamersworld @foolofabookwyrm @stillmadaboutpetra

1. I have put the most of myself into A Man of Letters. I have my degree in English Lit and when I was in college, I was at the height of my Jane Austen obsession. So I sort of built my degree around the development of the English novel. My senior thesis was on a book called Evelina by Frances Burney, who was one of Austen’s greatest literary influences. Evelina is an epistolary novel—told entirely in letters. I love the epistolary form, for the same reason I love dialogue and texting fics. It’s such a fun narrative technique and can reveal so much about individual characters. It’s actually a bit like the way Rainbow Rowell uses multi POV in her books. Anyway, my love of the epistle was on full display in this fic, which is ofc told in letters. —Do I share a passage? That’s like...the whole fic 😅 So, idk. Here’s Simon being a disaster as he meditates on letter writing:

Dear Penny,

As I start this letter, I already know I'm not going to post it. I know I won't be able to bring myself to do it, because of what I have to say to you. I do feel bad. It's not that I don't want to tell you. And you know I'm so much better at writing things down than saying them out loud. It's only that I feel like this would all sound better coming from me in person. I just don't think I'll be able to make you understand in a letter. I'm still trying to understand myself. And writing all of this down helps me with that. Even if I'm only pretending to write to you, it makes me feel better, to think of you on the other end. I promise I really will tell you everything as soon as we're together again.

2. Also for A Man of Letters, my fascination with Regency fashions, in particular the dandy, was a major factor. I did an art book about this, comparing how fashion has changed over time, especially in regard to gender. (I also did an art book based on Evelina, since I’m on the subject. I minored in book art. 😁) I always fancied the look of a Regency dandy, so that was my gift to Baz.

Whoever has been working their magic on Salisbury should in fact be the person to whom I offer my eternal devotion. Alas, I am left to flounder under the burden of lusting after a man who is incapable of dressing himself.

The utter and unmitigated shame.

Salisbury wore a forest green wool frock coat that set off the golden highlights in his brown locks. This was accented with a green and aubergine striped silk waistcoat that was trimmed in white piping and felt much too daring a pattern for the man. (I don't care if he was a soldier; it takes a hardier man than him by half to choose a stripe like that.) His charcoal trousers were enticingly snug, but not so much to prove lethal. His cravat and points left much to be desired, though that likely reflected poorly on his ability to keep himself in order, rather than the ability of his valet. (Good God, maybe the man doesn't even have a valet!)

3. When it came to my countdown fic, To the Manor Borne, I had Shep make a reference to Cluedo, because Pitch Manor would be perfect for a real life game. Behind that, is the fact that my family played a lot of Clue and I watched the movie a whole bunch growing up, to the point where my sister and I used to quote it to each other. This was a way to pay homage to that. He also talks about playing the game Murder in the Dark, which was one I played at Halloween as a kid. One of my cousins was dressed as a ghoul with glow in the dark face paint and we were in my grandma’s creepy upstairs. Perfect vibes.

I’ve seen the kitchen and the dining room and the library and the study and the parlor. Walking through this house is like playing Clue. (They call it Cluedo on this side of the pond, because they like to be difficult.) (That was a whole thing. Do not get me started.)

I keep thinking Colonel Mustard’s going to pop up out of nowhere and brain me with a lead pipe.

And:

What kind of games do you play with magickal friends who don't have magic? Twister? Not with the wings and tail. Cards? Baz and Penny would cheat. Or accuse everyone else of cheating if they didn't win. Murder in the dark? With these people, in this house, I knew it would turn literal fast, and also it was like ten in the morning. Hide and seek? Simon and I would hide and everyone else would ditch. Snowball fight? World War III.

4. I’ve referenced Mozart in my fics a couple of times because when I was first getting into classical music, I was listening to a lot of Mozart. My sister had a CD of some of his early symphonies, and my local classical station does “Mozart in the Mornings” which happened to fit in the exact time slot between two morning classes I had my first year in college. I’d go sit in my car with a cup of tea, and just vibe with Mozart as my soundtrack. I’ve name dropped him in both A Man of Letters and To the Manor Borne. Also, Mozart wrote 12 variations on the melody shared by Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, which is a lovely tie in. (I also had the gang sing/cast The Holly and the Ivy, which is one of my favorite Christmas carols, and by strange coincidence was playing on the radio at the same time I wrote that scene. 🥰)

"It's a songbook," I tell him, like he can't figure that out for himself. "Did you know that Mozart wrote twelve different versions of the same song?"

He's laughing. "Mozart did not write Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Simon."

"You know what I mean."

"He composed twelve variations for solo piano on the French folk melody Ah! Vous dirai-je, maman."

"Sure. Anyway, this is for the violin. For you to play."

He's still laughing, and I'm trying to figure out what's so funny, but then he kisses me again, on the lips this time, so I figure maybe I'm still doing okay.

Only one more to go! What will it be? 👀

5. Therapy! Eheheh...😅 Look, it’s no secret the gang needs it. And tbh, so do I. Haven’t actually managed to get myself to go yet, and I think that’s where a lot of my “send them to therapy” happy endings come from. I did it in Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne. I started Chamber by Chamber with SnowBaz already in therapy, and then structured the whole thing around therapy that they give to each other and to themselves. It didn’t really fit in A Man of Letters, but if it had, I absolutely would have done it. I’ve only shared from two fics so far, and since it could kind of spoil the ending to Use Your Words (tho saying this may be spoiler anyway...), here are two snippets from It’s a Kind of Magic, Part I of Chamber by Chamber.

I've been working on articulating my needs. We both have. Ordinarily, I'd be afraid of pushing him away by making demands when he's on the verge of a spiral, but my therapist insists that I can't go on treating Simon with kid gloves. If I never ask him for anything, he'll think he doesn't have anything to give.

And

When I told that to my therapist, she said that I needed to talk it out of me and she'd help me find ways to work through it all. She said I needed to talk it out with Baz, too, so that he'd know how to help me when things got bad again—that was something else she said, that things would get bad again, and that I'd need to be prepared for that. That I couldn't expect things to be easy, and just go away.

6. BONUS! I think the biggest way I include bits of myself is in the AUs I’ve chosen to write. I have three I’m planning that say a lot about me, so I’m going to talk a bit about them here. There is ofc my Scooby Doo AU, inspired in large part by the fact that I watched it all the time growing up and also, my sister continues to be obsessed with it. When we were young, my parents were doing a lot of work on their house and we’d take family trips to the hardware store. My sister and I hated it, so we’d wait in the car with my mom and she would entertain us with “Scooby Doo stories”. Other AUs I’m planning? Troop Beverly Hills—please tell me someone else out there loved this movie the way I did when I was 5. It was very influential to baby me and I remember wishing for nothing more than being able to dress like Shelley Long. So, I’m going to let Baz do it, because I think he deserves it. 🥰 Lastly, tho it will probably be the first I write, is my Cupid and Psyche AU, from when I was heavy into mythology and religion. Since these are all forthcoming projects, I don’t really have a snippet. Instead, here’s Baz comparing Simon to Eros, which is what started my brain on that particular AU.

I am lost. I barely know anything about Salisbury, but I can't help being drawn in. At one time, I could have comforted myself that I was only so smitten with him because he looks like he was sculpted by Praxiteles. That excuse grows weaker with every encounter. He's the furthest thing from a lifeless tribute to beauty in marble as one can be. There is something deep and dark and feral inside of him and I want to claw it out. I want to see it, to let it free. To taste his wildness and his pain.

#tag game #writerly ephemera

[sazc94]

Pietro and Bunny

Here is my second entry for the wonderful @msmarvelwrites 2k Challenge.

This a spin-off from my Bucky fic: The three times Bucky broke your heart. Part 1 linked Here.

It follows the same timeline and explores the relationship of Pietro and Reader (Bunny) More.

Words 4890 ish

Themes. Angst, Suggestions of smut. But mostly lots and lots of fluff. 18+ Because of the smut suggestions.

Part 2. (Part 1)

2015. Pietro and you stayed in touch. Both getting swept away in your busy year. Pietro had gone into Business with Wanda creating a fashion company. His dad was helping to fund the start-up costs, but Pietro was never one to take a handout so worked an extra job, he mostly did courier services. this allowed him to be flexible with his days.

Meaning he was able to pick up supplies and do whatever else it was his sister had him running around the city for. It also helped pay towards the rent of his apartment, his father covering half. One day in the summer when Pietro was rushing around he entered into the Baxter building and literally ran smack into a head of blonde hair.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I keep getting told I should slow down.” Pietro said bending offering a hand to the woman he had knocked over. “I’m just as much to blame, honestly I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and all though I may be nicknamed The Invisible woman, I need to remember that I’m not actually invisible” replied the blonde brushing herself down.

She was pretty in that conventional way but her piercing blue eyes drew Pietro in. “Pietro”, he said sticking out his hand. “Susan, but you can call me Sue”, she replied shaking his hand.

Pietro and Susan began dating in the autumn. All though you and Pietro still stayed in touch. The contact was dwindling. He also found it incredibly hard not to call you by your old pet name. “Hey sis, Vis”. Pietro said walking into the small office space they rented in downtown NYC. Wanda was hard at work behind her sewing machine.

“So you’re dating Susan Storm,” Vision said. It wasn’t a question but Wanda’s eyes shot up from her machine to look at Pietro with an acquisitional look. This was news to her. She knew you were dating someone but Susan Storm was practically a celebrity with her brain and looks, plus her high profile relationships with Reed Richards and Victor von Doom. Not to mention her dad was a renowned Scientist too.

“How did you know?” Pietro asked grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl in the middle of the space. “Your pictures from last nights date are all over the internet. Someone called Prez Hilton broke the story” Vision said shrugging. Wanda shot Vision a puzzled look, he may be great with technology and smart enough to work with Tony Stuck, but Vision didn’t usually follow much on the internet. “Ah yes, Pepper Potts showed me how to set up google alerts”. Vision said before heading out the door.

2016

Pietro knew you and Bucky had grown closer over recent months, but it still took him by surprise when he heard from you that you had gotten back together. He knew he had no right to be jealous as it had ultimately been his decision to break up, and he was dating the stunning Sue Storm. But it didn’t stop the small seed of jealousy he felt.

What didn’t help matters was that Sue had been working later and later at the Baxter Building, and getting closer with her ex, Reed. Pietro tried to shrug it off but ultimately after almost a year of dating, he could see that Sue’s heart belonged to another, and if he was being honest. Part of his heart still belonged to his Bunny. So, after a night out in NYC Pietro had kissed Sue Storm goodnight for the final time.

Pietro respected you too much to ruin your newfound happiness with Bucky and it seemed like he had finally turned a leaf over. That was until he got a text from your cousin explaining that Bucky had been unable to get the time off for your Grandma’s funeral.

Pietro didn’t even think twice about using his links to his dad to secure a flight out of NYC for the funeral in September. His heart shattered when he saw you at the airport, with tear-stained cheeks, a red nose, and puffy eyes. He didn’t hesitate to pull you into a huge hug.

“Shhh Bunny” – the old pet name slipping out. “It’s okay, I’m here. She was a wonderful woman. She wouldn’t want all these tears” he said releasing you from his grip. It had been two years since you’d last seen each other in person. Other than the brown in your hair having slightly grown out, no doubt due to your mind being on more pressing matters. You looked exactly the same. His Bunny.

After the funeral Pietro planned to catch the first flight out of Miami back to NYC. With the launch of Scarlett Witch fast approaching Pietro didn’t want to leave his sister to deal with all the pressure herself. At least that’s what Pietro told himself was the reasoning. Truthfully it was that he couldn’t bear to be around you and not be with you.

But when your family had insisted on putting him up for the night and feeding him, he couldn’t refuse.

After the wake when your Mum had insisted on Pietro leaving the dishes, he grabbed two beers from the fridge and went looking for you. He found you sat on the private beach your grandma’s house backed on too.

You sat with one of Bucky’s jumpers wrapped around you. It wasn’t cold but still, you felt cold, so you had grabbed his jumper as a source of comfort and warmth. Pietro stopped for a second before swallowing. This wasn’t about him; this wasn’t about Bucky. This was about you and being there for you whilst you waded through this grief. 7

“Hey Y/N. I thought I’d find you here. Your grandma used to tell me about how she found the sea hypnotising” Pietro said sitting down on the sand before offering you one of the beers he had grabbed.

That night Pietro sat with you in solidarity offering you nothing more than friendship and a pillar of support whilst you cried and then laughed, and then cried some more reminiscing about your cherished times with both your now deceased grandparents.

After Pietro returned to NYC, he put the thought of you out of his head, instead, he turned his efforts to focus on the upcoming December launch party. Thanks to their dad’s connections. Wanda’s hard work and a few strategic tweets and IG posts from a hard-working friend who did add campaign work for a living there was a real buzz around Scarlett Witch.

“Hey Brother, I was thinking of asking Y/N to attend the launch and to wear something from the evening collection for the launch, Jane is in town and already said yes, she’s bringing her Boyfriend Thor, I extended two further invitations to them encase Thor’s brother Loki is around. What do you think?” Wanda said throwing herself onto the grey sofa opposite Pietro. They were at Pietro’s apartment as he had the most amount of spare room.

“Excellent idea, she should bring Bucky too,” Pietro said sipping on his coffee. Pietro wanted to remain in your life and after the funeral, your conversations had been a bit more frequent. Most importantly Pietro wanted you to be happy.

Pietro brought a date along to the event; her name was Crystal and they had been on a few dates before. However, they both had an understanding that this was more of a casual thing and that neither of them were looking for a relationship with each other. Crystal had gone off to schmooze with some of the guests when you arrived. Pietro made a mental note to introduce you both later, he was sure you would both get along with your similar senses of humour. Pietro couldn’t take his eyes off you the moment you entered the event. You looked stunning, Wanda had asked for Pietro’s input when choosing the outfits that You, Wanda and Jane were going to wear. Pietro had chosen a silver two-piece skirt and top for Jane, a scarlet red ensemble for his sister and a Black strapless dress, the top was form-fitting made from chiffon fabric, the skirt cut out the front made of black tulle sparkled with the touches of glitter.

Pietro had chosen the ensembles for two reasons, one they were undoubtedly the showstoppers from Wanda’s evening collection and they all complimented each other well. He made a mental note to ensure Peter Parker got a photo of the three of the ladies together before the evening got away from everyone.

“Bunny! I agree absolutely amazing. Bucky, you don’t look too bad yourself” Pietro said kissing you on the cheek. Pietro was wearing a deep blue suit; it made his hair and ice-blue eyes pop. Wanda had insisted on the blue over a grey suit Pietro had originally planned on wearing. Pietro didn’t miss the smile on your face after they had complimented you, it was as big and bright as it had been that final summer. And you've got a smile That can light up this whole town

After photos and ensuring everyone’s, drinks were full, Wanda and Pietro left the small group of old school friends in the private area of the event and made their way around the guests. The press contained fashion bloggers, small fashion magazines, social media influencers and gossip columnist too. Pietro found his way back to Crystal after he’d finished making the rounds. He was on his way to introduce you when he spotted an unfamiliar red head amongst the group.

Thor introduced her as Natasha, Pietro tried not to give away the surprise in his eyes, but he could sense that there was some tension as you avoided making eye contact with both Pietro and Bucky. Pietro kept his nose out of it for the most part, but when the pair of you said your farewells for the evening, he couldn’t help but assure you that he was there if you wanted to talk.

“Was that Natasha Romanoff I saw hanging around Thor and Y/N’s group most of the evening?” Wanda asked when she and Pietro slipped into the back of the waiting car. “Yes it would appear so, did you know she was coming?” He asked loosening his tie. “Vis said Jane had asked to bring a friend along as Loki couldn’t make it, I told him to tell her it was fine as she technically had four invites. I didn’t realise it was going to be her”, Wanda explained, there was an emphasis on her.

Regardless of her brother's relationship status with yourself she genuinely liked you and always would, her loyalties lied with you and as far as Wanda was concerned, she didn’t even want to know Natasha, something about her didn’t sit right with her from the few interactions they’d had over the years.

“Will Crystal meet you at your apartment? I didn’t see her as we were clearing away”, Wanda said changing the subject. “Huh? Oh, no she’s meeting her friends downtown at the Voodoo Lounge, something about a magic night” Pietro said looking out the window as the streets of NYC blurred into one. He couldn’t help but worry about you, you could put on a bright smile and laugh all you liked, but Pietro knew when you were faking.

2017

The launch of Scarlet Witch had gone better than Pietro and Wanda had hoped. When the label opened up to online orders in February, they had sold out of everything in 30 minutes flat. Now they were looking at opening up an in-person store in the lower east side sometime early next year. Pietro was working late one night in the office when Vision turned up.

“Hey Vision, it's good to see you but Wanda’s not here,” Pietro said sitting back down behind his desk. It was late and the numbers had started to dance around the screen but Pietro was determined to get these figures finished before the weekend. It was the least he could do as Wanda had been working flat out, she insisted on sewing as many of the items herself as possible, and when she had hired two seamstresses, Wanda still checked all their work.

“Thank you, Pietro, but I know she is back at our apartment. It is actually you that I came to see” Vision said. James or Vision as everyone called him very rarely looked nervous, yes he sometimes missed social cues but he was never one to act nervous. Pietro sensing this was important saved his spreadsheets and shut down his computer.

“What’s going on Vis?” Pietro asked walking over to the sofa area where vision, stood awkwardly. “Traditionally, this question would be asked to your father, but as your father was not in your lives much until recent years, I felt it better to ask you” Vision babbled on. Pietro had a pretty good where this was going, but this was Visions plan and Pietro wasn’t about to jump the gun, besides if this was going where he thought it was, it was only right to make him suffer ever so slightly.

“Well Vision, I’m all ears. What is it you want to ask?” Pietro asked grinning. “Well you know how much I adore your sister Wanda, and we have been together a good many years now. So I would like to ask your permission for your sister's hand in Marriage” Vision asked. Vision’s heart was pounding so loud and fast he thought that he might collapse. Pietro’s eyes watered, he was happy for his sister and he was of course going to say yes, but he wanted to have a bit of fun first. He quickly stood and turned away from Vision, heading towards the small fridge of the small office kitchen.

“So you want to marry my sister, are you certain about this Vis? Because once that ring is on her finger, there is no backing down, even if you get cold feet.” Pietro remarked. “I assure you Mr Maximoff, I want this with my whole self” Vison responded. Pietro couldn’t continue with the charade anymore. “Of course you have my blessing Vision, I would be honoured to call you brother,” Pietro said handing Vision a beer.

Vision proposed to Wanda that summer on the fourth of July. The three of them attended Tony Stark’s exclusive fourth of July bash at Stark Tower. Vision had a good relationship with Stark and Pepper was a hopeless romantic at heart. Shortly before the fireworks, Vision and Wanda wandered off to a private balcony three floors above the outside decking where everyone else would watch. Tony introduced the display then the three of them slipped out of the crowd as the fireworks got underway.

Tony had his AI software J.A.R.V.I.S set to record the whole thing. As the firework display got underway. Vision got down on one knee and popped the question. Wanda of course squealed and said yes between tears. That’s when Pietro, Pepper and Tony appeared with glasses of champagne and toasted to the happy couple. “Congratulations Sis, also please let me be there when you call Y/N and tell her, I know she is absolutely going to flip her shit when she finds out,” Pietro said kissing his sister on the cheek.

Sure enough, Pietro was right, three days later when Wanda Facetimed you to show of the ring your excited screams were loud enough to be heard all through NYC. “Oh my god. He did it, he finally proposed! I was wondering if he was ever going to pull his finger out and propose. Oh Wands I am so happy for you, you deserve this” you said. Wanda was so elated she missed the small crack in your voice towards the end of the sentence, but Pietro didn’t.

“Here Pietro want’s to say hi. Go on tell her all about how you had known about this since March! I’m going to get ready Visions parent’s got into town today and we’re meeting them for dinner before they see a show tonight,” Wanda passed the phone to Pietro before heading off to her shower. Pietro had come round specifically to hear the call. Pietro waited for the door to close before he turned his attention back to your face on his sister's screen.

“Everything okay Y/N?” Pietro asked. You sighed before letting your hair out of its ponytail, You were avoiding the question. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m tired, going out later with Peggy Carter, she’s the girlfriend of Bucky’s teammate, Steve. We’re going to get some lunch and do a bit of shopping, Steve’s working on some projects and Bucky said he’s running some extra training drills at the stadium. Not that he needs to the season doesn’t start for another two months, oh I’m sorry. I’m wittering on, how are you? Had any good dates recently?” you asked forcing your voice to be light and carefree.

Pietro knew what you were doing but it wasn’t his place to call you out on lying. “Naa, not really. None that would ever go anywhere” Pietro said. The two of you stayed on facetime for a few more short minutes before Pietro reluctantly advised he had to get going to the office.

September 2017

“So Y/N I have a very important question, will you be one of my Bridesmaids?” Wanda asked. Pietro walked into Wanda’s office just in time to hear you scream your response. “OH MY GOD, ARE YOU KIDDING OF COURSE I WILL” Wanda moved the phone from her ears and looked up at her brother who just grinned. “You owe me 20 bucks I told you she would scream,” Pietro said making himself comfortable in the chair opposite his sister's desk.

“ I should be offended, but I’m in too much of a great mood to care” you chuckled. “Oh, is that so?” Wanda teased. Pietro felt sick, had Bucky proposed? Worse, were you pregnant? “I got offered this amazing job opportunity, it would be working for Stark Industries, Pepper Potts approached me directly about it the other week, I shot it down but she called me again today doubling the offer,” you squealed.

The weight that had threatened to crush Pietro lifted, not that his sister hadn’t noticed the change in his complexion a few moments ago.

“Oh my god Y/N, That’s amazing! Are you going to take it? I miss you and would love to have you nearby like old times. And I am not only saying that so you can do my wedding planning for me” Wanda sang. “I don’t know, I said I would think it over and get back to her after the weekend, I’m going to talk it through with Bucky tonight” you replied. “It sounds like a great opportunity Y/N” Pietro responded with earnest.

“Huh, that’s weird, I wonder what she’s doing here,” you said out loud “Who’s where?” asked Wanda. “Oh um nothing, look I got to go I just got to Buck’s and I’m cooking dinner, going to talk to him about Tony’s offer,” you said before hanging up. Wanda and Pietro just looked at each other. Pietro got up to leave but Wanda shot him a look as if to say she wasn’t finished with him.

“You still love her” she spoke plainly. “He doesn’t deserve her. He’s always posting pictures of him and that Natasha doing “Official” Lions events” Pietro replied simply. “You are right brother, he doesn’t deserve her, but like I told you all those years ago. If you had asked her she would have waited. You don’t get to complain that she moved on with someone who was a big part of her life for 13 or so years” replied Wanda.

She was right and Pietro knew it. He sighed before lifting his gaze to meet his sister's cold blue eyes. “You’re right.” He said simply before exiting the room.

Pietro awoke to his phone ringing at 2 am, he wasn’t going to answer it until he saw your name and the picture of the pair of you from Uni flash up on his phone. “Y/N? Is everything okay? It’s 2 am.” Pietro asked rubbing a hand along his face. You didn’t respond.#

“Y/N, are you safe? Should I call Bucky?” he asked urgency surging in his voice. “NO!” you practically shouted. “Sorry, no please don’t call Bucky,” you asked quietly.

Pietro shifted leaning over to turn on his bedside lamp. “Bunny, you’re scaring me, what’s going on?” Pietro pleaded. The comfort in his voice was enough to break you all over again. You started sobbing all over again. How you had any tears left was beyond you.

“I’ll fucking kill him” Pietro growled. Pietro knew, the pictures Bucky had been posting on IG, the tears now, the way you had withdrawn recently. You didn’t need to say it for him to know. “Please don’t, I don’t have enough money to bail you out of prison” you managed to squeak.

Pietro felt his heart shatter, all he had wanted since you two had started dating was to save you from the heartbreak you had experienced in the summer of 2010 and he had failed you. That night Pietro stayed on the phone with you until 4 am where you finally fell asleep exhausted from the day's turmoil.

May 2018

Pietro and Wanda had helped you apartment hunt. They helped decorate and furnish your apartment ready for your move to the Big Apple in January. Wanda had introduced you to her friends slash employees but to Wanda, they really were her friends: Doreen Green, Janet Van Dyne, Julia Carpenter and Laura Kinney. Including you on many girls nights.

Vision and Pietro always walked you home after nights out. Wanda made sure to invite you to brunch with her and Vision when Pietro was attending. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to give you and Pietro another shot, it’s just you weren’t certain he would want you, after all, Bucky had really done a number on you again.

Sighing you picked up your phone and decided to take a leap of faith and text him, the two of you hadn’t spent any time alone together since you had moved in January.

Pietro’s Pov

Pietro’s phone buzzed. You, me and that little cafe in times square tomorrow = date? – Y/N x Pietro was stunned, he was sure that the time for you guys to be a couple had long passed. “Brother, are you listening?” Wanda asked agitated at her brother's lack of respect, the two of them were going through the plans for the rest of the year. Plans for when they would drop certain collections, run certain in-store promos. When they would run online promo’s.

“Sorry, it’s just Y/N just text me, asking me on a date” Pietro’s voice came out dazed. All though Wanda was miffed, she couldn’t help but smile. Looks like Y/N had finally listened to the girls last night when they went out for Monday night happy hour. “You had best text her back then brother” She responded raising her eyebrows at Pietro. I thought you’d never ask. How does 5 pm work? Pietro shot back.

Perfect x Your response came through almost immediately.

Your Pov

You got to the café early, you were too nervous to focus on anything in the office. And as you were only scheduled to work until four, you decided it was just easier to go to the café and wait with a book or something, you had to deal with this nervous energy somehow. You walked in expecting he’d be late, but Pietro got there early and he stood and waved. You walked to him Pietro pulled your chair out and helped you in. Pietro sat down opposite you and shot you a small nervous grin.

“I ordered you a hot chocolate and a cookie, I know how much you like hot chocolate even if it’s warm out like today,” he said shyly. “Thank you,” you said, you felt yourself blush. For goodness sake Y/N this is Pietro, you dated him for three years get a grip you silently berated yourself.

As the date got underway you felt yourself relax and slip into a comfortable bubble, you told Pietro about a recent mishap where one of your colleagues Darcy Lewis had accidentally thrown toner waste all over you.

You couldn’t help but smile as Pietro threw his head back laughing like a little kid. He took your hand and rubbed small circles on the back of it, that familiar feeling made your stomach erupt in butterflies.

I've been spending the last eight months Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again.

December 2017 Pietro’s Pov. The snow was falling, and the streets of New York City were quitter than usual, a sign that Christmas was just around the corner. You had finished for a nice long Christmas break earlier that week and last night Pietro had taken you out for drinks and dinner as a surprise. However, due to the snow the restaurant had been unable to open as staff couldn’t get in due to all the delays on the subway. Pietro had felt crestfallen.

Right up until you had suggested that the pair of you skipped dinner and went back to Pietro’s straight for dessert. Pietro had struggled to leave you this morning. As he only had a few things to deal with before Scarlett Witch shut down for three weeks for a well-earned extended Holiday break he hadn’t left until later that morning around 10:30.

You had once again found your way back to the bright bubbly person you and everyone else knew you to be. Pietro as always being that safe place for you to heal. The way you danced around the kitchen cooking pancakes had Pietro beside himself. You really were ultraviolet. That fire you ignited, Good, Bad and undecided, Burns when I stand beside it Your light is ultraviolet. Pietro thought to himself.

All though you had only been back together since May this time Pietro was never going to let you again.

Pietro was leaving the office for a late lunch when his phone pinned with a google alert. James “Bucky” Barnes announces engagement to Natasha Romanoff! Read the headline. Fuck. That piece of shit. Pietro felt rage on behalf of you. He knocked on Wanda’s door. “Hey, Wanda. I know were almost done here anyway, but I got to go early” Pietro shifted uncomfortably.

“Why?” Wanda asked simply. They were almost done but Pietro was meant to be shutting down the website whilst Wanda finalised everyone’s surprise Christmas bonuses. Pietro didn’t say anything simply handing his phone to his sister. Wanda scanned the headline and the article. Sucking in a deep breath. “Go. I’ve got this. Go check on Y/N” she said her eyes softening.

Pietro practically raced home. Just as he was coming out the subway his phone rang, caller ID showing Sam. “What the fuck is that dickhead playing at?!” Sam asked. Pretty much the entire friend group had cut ties with Bucky after they found out he had been cheating on you again.

“I have no idea, but he better hope to god I never see him, because I will not hesitate to rip him a new one, look I’m just letting myself into my apartment building, Y/N stayed here last night as she didn’t have work today and we’re meant to be going to Stark’s Christmas gala this evening. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later. Pietro said ringing off before Sam could respond. Pietro knew Sam would understand.

“Hey handsome how was your day?” you asked not taking your eyes away from the street below. Pietro breathed a sigh of relief, he was certain he would have come home to find you curled up in bed, or worse the floor crying. You were happy together but that didn’t make Bucky’s betrayal sting any less.

“It was good, busy” he replied taking off his coat and walking over to join you at the window seat. Wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. He smiled to himself as he caught sight of the kids below. He could faintly see in the reflection of the window that your eyes were rimmed with red.

“How about you Bunny? I saw a news alert. I’m guessing you know about the engagement?” he asked. You hummed a response. Pietro knew you loved him; he also knew that you knew how much he loved you. But that didn’t make seeing you hurt any easier. Suddenly you shifted turning around to face him. His floppy silver-blonde hair covering those beautiful ice blue eyes, they looked at you with such love and endearment, they also spoke a silent promise. You kissed him gently on the lips before standing up.

“Come on Quicksilver let's shower before the Stark Christmas Gala,” you said pulling your boyfriend along behind you shooting him a knowing grin. God, he fucking loved you.

All this time how could you not know, baby? You belong with me

#pietro maximoff #pietro x reader #pietro x you #pietro fluff #bucky x natasha #wanda x vision #msmarvelwrites2k #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #avengers au #pietro x y/n #soft pietro

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Okay, what are your thoughts on Ian's relationships? With his family, his boyfriends, and Mandy (since I think that's the only friend he's had)

Oh, no. Ohhhhhhhh, no. Now you’ve done it. You’ve asked about my dear, darling favorite character on the show. My love for one Ian Gallagher runs deep, which means this answer is going to run super long. The good, the bad, and everything in between—Ian Gallagher lives rent free in my brain and always will. I derive so much satisfaction from seeing Ian interact with other people, in whatever capacity that might be. I admire and aspire to the compassion he has shown for others over the years, even and perhaps most especially those who arguably haven’t earned it. He tries so hard to be good to people, and seeing their love for him manifest when he’s reached such lows where he can’t even fathom why the love of his life would want to be with him forever? That’s powerful.

So, yeah. I said I could write essays on these characters, and that’s exactly what you’re about to get: five hours and 6k words’ worth of my thoughts. (I am so sorry. There will be text walls.)

Let’s dive into Ian’s many and multifaceted relationships—his family, his friends, and his romantic pursuits.

Ian and Family

Ian told us where he stood on this in the very first season, and it set the standard for his character for eleven years to come. Faced with a prospect that others in his position could only dream of—not being Frank’s son and having a wealthy father with a functional, prosperous lifestyle mere miles away—Ian refused to buy into it. He refused to do what might have been objectively better for his future by seeking a relationship with Clayton. In that household, he would have had access to a better public school, more financial resources, a tutor to help him where he was struggling, and less urgency for him to work so that he could enjoy being a kid. When he got sick, he would have had access to better healthcare, too. Perhaps he would have had a better shot at West Point from that background than he did at home. But that’s just it: home was with his family, and he was very clear that they didn’t live in that nice house. All he wanted—all he wanted—was to be with his brothers and sisters. He has never referred to them as only half-siblings or half-cousins; he has never even used the words, “you’re not my dad,” on Frank. That’s his family, the people he loves most in the world, and he’s always been at his best when he’s with them and at his worst when he’s not. Let’s look at each of them:

1.      Frank: It is so striking to me that Ian doesn’t appear to hold the outright contempt for Frank that Fiona, Lip, and Debbie have exhibited at different points over the years. Aside from the handful of instances where they’ve gotten into physical altercations (which Frank always initiated) and kicking him out of the house on occasion, Ian is simply indifferent to him. But there are these moments, these brief glimmers of mutual attachment and loyalty, if those are the right words. In the scene where Ian famously doesn’t count to three before using the pepper spray on him, Frank starts saying how his New Gallaghers weren’t his real kids—that Ian is his real son, and Frank is his real father. It’s a passing thought uttered while trying to manipulate his way into the house that neither of them think much of, nor does the audience…until you remember that biologically, Frank isn’t his father, and he certainly hasn’t behaved like one either. Ian has more right than anyone to comment on that, but he doesn’t because Frank is his father. He’s the father that Ian idly hoped wouldn’t come to his wedding yet sat joking about with Debbie rather than getting pissed off that he was making out with some lady in front of everyone. He’s the father who sat at the table with them eating breakfast in 11x03 and claimed Mickey was the man in their relationship without Ian saying a word to him about it, and who Ian saw no issue with taking Franny to school when no one else could. In s4, as far removed from his family as he’d been for a while, Ian still went straight to the hospital when he heard that Frank was at death’s door. We focus so much on his attitude towards Monica because of how obvious it was that we frequently miss these tiny moments and their implications. It would take an awful lot of patience, compassion, and love not to write Frank off completely after all he’s done. Not necessarily our standard definition of love between a son and his father, perhaps, but a loving soul.

2.      Monica: I have actually written a pretty lengthy post about his relationship with her because while their shared mental illness definitely plays a role in his feelings toward her, that grew complicated far earlier than his diagnosis. The first time we meet her, we see that he has a visceral reaction to news of her presence. He runs. When Ian can’t process strong emotions, that’s what he’s done in the past. I happened upon an interview Cameron did just after the end of s1 where he mentioned something I had already been thinking: Ian’s age when Monica left is extremely important. He was a kid in s1, but one who could roll with the punches, sometimes literally. She left them two years before that. Ian would have been in middle school, roughly as old as Debbie was when she still called Frank “daddy” and forgave him for everything he did. It’s an awkward age that once again set Ian in something of a danger zone—too old to accept an excuse or no explanation at all, but not old enough to process the situation in a healthy way. And then she’s back all of a sudden with no warning. Ian doesn’t cry like Debbie, and he doesn’t typically get explosively angry like Fiona. He can’t deal, so he runs. He hangs back. He only speaks when he has to and compartmentalizes: Monica wants to take Liam, and they need to stop her. It doesn’t have to be about her leaving. They have a goal—he can focus on that. And then she’s back a year later, saying she’s here to stay while Fiona seems to take her at her word and Lip isn’t there to ground everyone. Ian tries so hard to behave like Lip would with his biting sarcasm and attempts to stay emotionally distant in a way that seemed pretty exaggerated for Ian, but he’s also dealing with a fresh wave of guilt over Mickey going to juvie—and Monica gets it. She’s the only person to acknowledge that he’s in pain and actively try to make it better. She’s the only one who really knows at the time, but that hardly matters. This poor kid, whose mother left him when he still needed her, has her standing in front of him and saying she’s sorry and listening when he speaks and taking him dancing—just the two of them. Embarrassing as it was and harmful as it could have been, she tried to facilitate his dreams when no one else wanted him to go into the military. She was there for him when he went AWOL. She came for him when he was arrested and even wanted to make a place for him in her new life, unrealistic as it was. This goes so much deeper than them both being bipolar. Ian’s comment about her parachuting into their lives in s7 wasn’t about Mickey or her role in them breaking up. He trusted her. He wanted her. He needed her. And she’d convinced him that she would be there—until she left. Over and over again. She was there for him and unintentionally took advantage of how desperately he still needed his mother. She made him keep loving her, and that’s both a blessing that has him crying into a voluminous man’s arms when she passes and a curse that wrecked him more than once.

3.      Fiona: The trust these two have for each other cannot be understated. Fiona has discussed things with Ian that she never brought up around any of the other kids throughout the entire series. In the pilot episode, she tells him about feeling needed and takes his opinion on the matter to heart. At the end of the season, he’s the one she talks to about the car because she can trust him to give her an answer even without speaking. In s2, she tells Lip that the two of them are her rocks, and we see that time and time again. That’s part of what makes their falling out over the church hit that much harder: it’s Ian and Fiona. The only time they’d been on the outs in any serious manner up to that point was when Ian was adjusting to his new reality and they were trying to find a balance between sister and caretaker. Otherwise, that bond of trust had never been severed—not until Ian literally sold himself only for it to amount to nothing in the end because she had no idea the lengths to which he’d gone to get that building. That damage gets mended, thankfully, but what a powerful period of time when those two were the only ones who’d never really been at each other’s throats. There is a downside to that trust, though. As I mentioned before, Ian was so responsible and put together when he was younger that Fiona didn’t think twice about his situation with Ned or that he ran away. Not even seventeen yet, and she was telling Debbie that she didn’t like his decision to leave but trusted him. That is one of the things I love about this show—even something like trust that we always prop up as an important factor in our relationships can betray us in the most unexpected ways.

4.      Lip: I won’t go into it here, but the relationship they share is something that means a lot to me on a personal level. It’s part of how I knew that Ian would become my favorite character pretty early on. The way he simultaneously admires and envies Lip, loves and is annoyed by him, relies on him and is desperate to pave his own path in the world—what a beautiful and accurate depiction of what it means to be a younger sibling. Lip is the first person to discover that he’s gay and openly accept him for it. (I think what he tried with Karen came from a well-meaning place even if it was horribly, horribly misguided.) Lip is the one who tries to get him into West Point, hate it as he does. He helps Ian when Terry is after him, takes care of him in the aftermath of the wedding when he realizes just how deeply Ian feels for Mickey, searches the whole damn city for him when he finds out that Ian is in trouble, gets him a job, leans on him in his own time of need… He’s not perfect. He slips up, just like Ian does. Some things break my heart, like Lip insisting that he’s earned his own space when his little brother is asking him for safe harbor or Ian thanking him for being his brother outside the prison. But they love each other so much, and I just… I can’t possibly put into words how much I love their dynamic.

5.      Debbie, Carl, and Liam: I’m grouping these three together because they’re further separated from Ian in age, so we see a lot of the same trends with them as a whole. Ian loves taking care of people. We know this. We also know that Fiona and Lip don’t typically want him taking care of them—they’re the ones who take care of him when he needs it, specifically Lip. With the younger three, however, Ian can be the Big Brother. He can shake his head in utter bafflement at Debbie’s obsession with holding her breath for two minutes, walk Carl through what he needs to go camping, and promise his baby brother postcards when he leaves. The difference here is that his relationship with them is so much less fraught with conflict. We don’t see him fight with Debbie, Carl, or Liam the way he has with Fiona or Lip. While Ian tends to be the voice of reason during conflicts overall, I think it’s also because he relies on his older siblings in a way that he doesn’t with his younger siblings, and the latter don’t tend to rely on him as much as Fiona or Lip as well. There’s a lack of tension in most of their interactions growing up because that pressure isn’t there. Perhaps this is where Ian’s age and standing in the family is a bit more beneficial: young enough to have people he can rely on while too young for anyone to really rely on him for more than his share of the squirrel fund.

Ian and Friends

I’ve seen it mentioned that Ian (and Mickey) not having more friends is bad or lazy writing. I tend to believe that that fails to take something into account that, admittedly, most of us don’t really have to think about: having friends is a luxury. It requires time and effort to cultivate friendships, especially lasting ones. As a kid, Ian spent a lot of his free time working or helping to manage one family crisis after another. Going AWOL, losing his health, struggling to acclimate to his illness, trying to find a new career path, spiraling into the Gay Jesus movement, going to prison, adjusting once again to normal life, getting married, a pandemic… I’m sure he’s had plenty of acquaintances over the years, but having a family to support and constant upheavals would have made it extremely difficult to really forge strong relationships with them. I think that’s part of what makes his relationship with Mandy so special and valuable to him: she’s sort of the same way.

When we met Mandy in s1, she had other friends. We saw her meet up with them and go shopping; she told Ian a story about how one was mad at her for not sharing her make-up. As the trauma in the Milkovich household reached its zenith for her in s2 and she started thinking seriously about getting out of there, we saw those friends fall by the wayside—all except Ian. He saw her and let her see him early on. That’s a level of trust and respect that nobody else in their neighborhood would have displayed, certainly not to her. But then there’s this guy who defended her against their creepy, perverted teacher and treated her like a human being, not an object. It’s no wonder she developed an obvious, unrequited crush and sought physical comfort from him occasionally. It’s no wonder she tried to repay the favor by giving Mickey a hard time in s3 and s4, misguided and rather uninformed as we know it was at the time. (It’s also no wonder that she went for the closest Gallagher to Ian, either, but that’s for another meta.)

And Ian… Ian is loyal to a fault. We have watched Ian cut out his own heart and let the blood drip down his arm to pool on the floor at his feet if it would make a damn bit of difference for the people he loves. Like Fiona and Lip, Mandy immediately accepted him for who he is and suggested an arrangement that would protect him as well as benefit her. That is enormous where they came from. To him, that had to feel like the ultimate sign of friendship: he could trust her with a part of him that he hadn’t even entrusted to most of his family yet. From that point on, she was on the List of People Ian Gallagher Would Do Anything For. Finding out about Terry and what had happened? He held a bake sale, of all things, to fundraise for her. Seeing that his brother—his best friend—was treating her like garbage? He put him in his place. Her boyfriend was beating her? He brought her home and made it his goal to find a safe place for her to stay, even if it ultimately didn’t work. She was going to move away from all of her meager support with that boyfriend? He didn’t just rally his own arguments—he brought in outside help with Lip, who he thought might tip the scales. It’s usually just a saying that true friends will help each other hide a body, but Ian literally tried to do that. Lucky for him, he has a good head on his shoulders and used it.

No, Ian doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends. We’ve seen that he has spheres of influence, if you will, and acquaintances that he can call upon when he needs them. (For example, the guys that helped with the preacher.) However, Ian has always struck me as a “quality over quantity” type of person. Being a soldier or an EMT isn’t lucrative, but they’re meaningful for someone who sees them as vehicles for helping people. Seeing more parts of the world than just Chicago has appealed to him in the past, but he seems perfectly content to carve out a spot for himself right here at home. Having only three best friends—Lip, Mandy, and Mickey—doesn’t seem like much of a hardship for him.

Ian and Romantic Pursuits

I hate to say that there were five, but from Ian’s perspective, there were. So, let’s talk about all five. Even though…there weren’t five. There was only one. We’ll save the best for last.

1.      Kash: The first of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. I hope it goes without saying that I hate this man with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I hate him so much. However, their interactions taught me a whole lot about how kind and compassionate Ian really is—and how naïve. Of course, he would believe that Kash loved him. The man was buying him all sorts of expensive gifts, and that’s what we see on all the commercials and in so many movies, isn’t it? Grand gestures of affection through expensive gifts. Poor as they were, Ian still scraped together the money to buy him baseball tickets and CDs, convinced as he was that that was all part of what you did in a relationship. That desire to do things like a “normal” married couple in s11? Yeah, that starts here. Ian has always been a planner, and he’s always bought into certain stereotypes. We can see that here. What we can also see is Ian’s compassionate, kind, loving soul. He cares so deeply for other people, even ones that he doesn’t know very well, especially if they are living in circumstances that mean something to him. (For example, the mentally ill woman they tried to help at work and the shelter kids whose situations were so similar to Mickey’s.) Kash being a closeted gay man living in misery with a wife he didn’t love and two children he never meant to have clearly tugged at Ian’s heartstrings. Even after everything that happens, even though Ian behaves as though they’re awkward exes who just happen to work together, he still covers for Kash. He gives him that head start and takes it upon himself to break the news to Linda that he’s gone. He defends Kash to Lip when the latter finally says exactly what we all know: he was a pedophile who deserved to rot in prison for what he did. As with Fiona’s trust, Ian’s loving soul, compassionate heart, and desire for love outside his siblings are virtues that have done him harm in the past. This is one such instance.

2.      Ned: The second of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. To be honest, I don’t believe that Ian would even characterize it that way. He seemed very aware that Ned was a distraction from his problems—from Mickey being in juvie, Monica falling into a depressive episode, the money in the squirrel fund being gone, Lip moving out, losing his shot at West Point, and getting denied for service due to his age. Again, though, Ian has always wanted to feel valued, and this rich dude was letting him stay in a fancy hotel room with anything he wanted readily available. This (disgusting predator) guy was giving him attention and a distraction with no strings attached. Then the complications roll in, and he’s once again faced with being the mistress to a closeted, married man. The difference here is that he’s not comfortable with it. He tries to tell Fiona twice, which is enormous for Ian when he has never been very good at communicating if it means burdening others with or even merely facing his own problems. But he tries to tell her. He rejects the GPS unit and tells Ned that he has a boyfriend, boxing him into a strictly sexual arrangement. (This, unfortunately, makes sense. It aligns with how Fiona viewed things: where Jimmy was concerned about it, she told him that it was “just sex.”) He is also visibly embarrassed to admit to Lip and Fiona what has been going on with Ned. By that point, Ian is a year and a half older and, while still scarred and warped in his views because of Kash, perhaps a bit wiser. Emotionally, he kept Ned at arm’s length most of the time. He used Ned not just as a distraction, but as a way to galvanize Mickey into taking their relationship a step forward. But Ian is still Ian, and Ian is compassionate to a fault. Ned played that card by asking if he could have a little understanding for a man whose life was falling apart. Sure, he can. He’s Ian, the Gallagher too empathetic for his own good at times. We know how that spirals out of control. It just goes to show that even when Ian was trying to maintain some emotional distance, his heart is simply too big and his perceptions too heavily impacted by the grooming he’d experienced with two different people by then, and so he [SPOILER ALERT] still feels enough of a connection to Ned after all these years to be mildly bothered that he passed away.

3.      Caleb: The third of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. Ian’s relationship with Caleb strikes me as being similar to what he had with Ned. While more age-appropriate, Ian was very much using Caleb, just as Caleb was using him. That’s why it was so easy for both of them to walk away. Ian was in a difficult spot when they met. He was grateful to the firefighters who saved his life, but he had also just saved someone else at a moment when he was perhaps at his absolute lowest. That’s what he’s always wanted, isn’t it—to be a bit of a hero and help people? So, he’s understandably drawn there, first out of gratitude and then to be surrounded by very attractive gay firemen who helped people, saved his life, and invited him to be part of a function they were holding. But he made himself pretty clear from the start: he was interested in sex with Caleb. That was the draw. He still hasn’t come to terms with being bipolar and losing Mickey, but Ian has never not been with anyone for any extended length of time. That’s just who he is: he’s always sought some level of outward validation—from the army, Kash, Monica, Mickey, and so many others. We’re seeing him struggle with that now as he deals with the opportunities available to him as a mentally ill ex-con felon. So, he pursues Caleb as a distraction just like he did with Ned, only Caleb is a predator in his own right and can smell that his interest is coming from a place of weakness. He immediately (and initially unintentionally) preys on Ian’s desperate need for structure and order by insisting on a traditional date where Ian is very much out of his element and even goes so far as to instruct Ian on how to be intimate. It’s no wonder he mentions Mickey in these moments, as Mickey never wanted him to change, and Ian leans heavily (even slightly hyperbolically) into the fact that Mickey wasn’t a paragon of order and stability like Caleb outwardly appears. 

And I think why Ian puts up with it so long—being taught like a child, being used to upset Caleb’s parents, being paraded in front of his friends to make them jealous—is because he was getting something out of it too, just like with Ned. A stable place to live when their home ownership was in flux, a place away from his family when they weren’t providing the support he needed as he adjusted to his disorder, someone who validated his desires to help people regardless of their ulterior motives, and a physical distraction from his own problems. All of these parallel his relationship with Ned very closely. It was never going to last, of course. Ian is a strong person who temporarily forgot how strong he was because he forgot who he was, and Caleb didn’t want to be cared for—he wanted a project, like all of his sculptures. Being a project, being something that others see as needing to be fixed? That’s a hard no for Ian. It always has been. There’s a moment I love later in their relationship where Caleb tells him to turn off the lights when he goes out and lightly reprimands him for leaving one on the day prior. Ian is in a better place at that point, having regained a lot of his sense of self, and stares after him with indignation at being treated like a kid. He’s then lied to and cheated on, but I think that to mention those things to Caleb when they break up is to admit weakness on his own part—that he stuck with Caleb knowing that he was being mistreated, and Ian is not one to be called a victim. So, while we know from his discussions with Lip and Sue that the cheating and distrust bothered him most, he merely focused on Caleb lying about his sexuality, which removed a lot of the emotion from the situation—just like he did with Ned. It ultimately turned out to be a bad move since Caleb, being a skilled predator, made him question even his own sexuality in return, but we’re starting to see that Ian isn’t here to be someone’s toy anymore. Not an older, married man like Ned, but definitely not anyone his age either. I’m glad this pseudo-relationship happened because it showed Ian how strong he really was and that he could be in control of his own life. Sure, it destabilized him a little in the aftermath, but he worked through it. He leaned on his family, specifically Lip, who has always been his rock without the blurred lines that Fiona represented between sister/mother-figure/caretaker. Caleb is a garbage person, but Ian was the one who pulled the treasure from the trash, not him.

4.      Trevor: The fourth of Ian’s perceived romantic pursuits that really wasn’t. Trevor is perhaps the first relationship where we don’t see Ian dive in. Whether that’s because of his confusion over Trevor’s gender identity or the fact that he was really beginning to fully mature as an adult by that point (ostensibly finishing his education, getting a career, being fully self-sufficient, etc.), he tried to take his time and not jump right in. They hung out, talked around the neighborhood, and yes, engaged in some casual intimacy at the club. Again, Ian might not be in a full relationship, but he’s never without someone for long. At that point in the series, all he was missing was a relationship when it comes to traditional, “normal” goals for people to have. But Trevor posed a situation he’s never been in before since, while gay himself, Ian has never been very interested in activism or engaging in the LGBT community. It’s just not in his culture or environment, so to be faced with someone he’s interested in that challenges a lot of his views of gender and sexuality is something he takes his time with. Unfortunately, Trevor is younger than him and not quite as mature, not quite as experienced. He tells Ian he has plenty of friends and doesn’t need another, which is an ultimatum that has never really sat very well with me personally because I’m generally of the mind that if a person needs time and you really care for them, you’ll let them have that time. I’m not unsympathetic to Trevor: he’s been burned before and has his own trauma stemming from responses to his identity, so it makes complete sense for him not to be patient in this regard. He shouldn’t have to be—but then, Ian shouldn’t have to rush into anything he’s not 100% certain he wants either. That’s exactly what he does, though, because Ian does for others without thinking of the implications for himself a lot of the time. They make great friends, but they don’t make great partners. Trevor treats Ian similarly to Caleb in that he’s a bit of a project. Trevor educates him on the LGBT community and incorporates him into his ventures for the shelter without ever really showing much interest in Ian’s life or family, which suits Ian just fine because for as interested as he is in helping with the shelter and as attracted to Trevor as he is, he seems to know they’re not compatible. Ian, who has been having sex since he was far too young, takes a step back from it when they run into compatibility issues. (And pushes back on the pressure to bottom with some of his own—neither of them were in the right on that.) He doesn’t ask much about Trevor’s family or try to be part of his personal life. They sort of embody the “friends with benefits” stereotype: they hang out, they have sex, and that’s really all there is to their relationship. 

The reason Ian doubles down on trying to make it work isn’t because there was a future for them before Mickey broke out. It’s because he thinks he’s lost Mickey forever, he knows he’s lost Monica forever, and he’s not going to get the support he needs from his family when they couldn’t stand Monica and Fiona told him what he already knew to be true, namely that Mickey being an escaped convict would destroy everything Ian worked so hard for if he got involved. So, he does what Ian does. He needs that distraction—he needs to run from these strong emotions he can’t process, so he bottles them up and unfairly hopes that Trevor will provide some of that comfort after cheating on him with Mickey. (Had Mickey been released, I think they would have broken up. Instead, that was the first match Ian lit, but certainly not the last.) Now, the thing is, Trevor said at the start that he didn’t want to be Ian’s friend. He’s also younger and less mature in a relationship, which means he threw the concept of love out there prematurely, just like Ian thought what he had with Kash was love. The death throes of their relationship were a back and forth where Ian was spiraling and seeking comfort, and Trevor was providing some while keeping their relationship pretty amorphous. (Were they exes? Were they friends? Were they people who shared interests and danced around each other? Were they going to get back together? They never officially broke up—it fizzled and resurged, then fizzled for good.) Ultimately, whatever it was that they had couldn’t survive Mickey, Monica, or Gay Jesus. Trevor wasn’t prepared to deal with a full-blown manic episode, and based on his hands-off approach with involving himself in Ian’s life even before the Mickey-shaped bomb got dropped on them, it doesn’t seem like he really wanted to anyway. He did what he’s always done: prioritized his shelter, which I’m not deriding in the slightest. By that point, Ian was too far gone to care that he disappeared anyway. Had the situation been different and he was getting the support from his family that he needed, it doesn’t seem like he would have cared much there either.

5.      Mickey: Finally. Only took over five thousand words to get here. I’ll preface this with something that anyone who knows me from other fandoms is already well aware of, namely that I don’t do romance. Ever. Never been interested. The relationships I’ve always been most passionately interested in are platonic ones, especially “found families” and siblings, which is probably obvious from the other five thousand words here. Ian and Mickey are the first relationship I’ve actively shipped or written for in a fandom. They’re the first I’ve been invested in to this extent. As such, one of the biggest pet peeves I had when I first joined this fandom was the saying, “Ian fell first, Mickey fell harder.” These two wonderful dumbasses face planted on the concrete in front of the Kash and Grab in s1 and never recovered. I could go on forever about these two, but that particular wall of text would probably be too daunting for even the most avid Gallavich stan to traverse, so I’ll keep it fairly brief. As we can see above, Ian has a very strict sense of what he “should” want in a partner. Someone who is moderately successful in their chosen field, makes enough money to at least live comfortably, and typically does something that helps other people (a doctor, a fireman, a youth counselor). These aren’t passionate people. They’re not men who operate on instinct the way most of the people in his life have always had to by virtue of their social standing. They have life goals and opportunities that he envies, and Ian has a great deal of compassion for them when they hit a roadblock or things don’t work out. The amazing dichotomy of Ian Gallagher is that he straddles a line most people can’t between the rough neighborhood that has instilled in him all of his values/behaviors and the middle-class mentality of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and aspiring to more. Ian has always aimed for what Lip said wasn’t possible for poor people: being successful without having to scam or steal. But as I said way back at the beginning of this manifesto, the South Side is his home. His family is his family. And none of the people he’s been with personify the South Side quite like Mickey—they don’t personify home like Mickey. 

And I think that’s where the initial draw for Ian is. (I’m going to focus on Ian’s side since he’s who your question focused on.) The other guys look great on paper, and Ian’s brain says that that’s what he should aim for. We know better, though. We know that Ian has an enormous heart that belongs first and foremost to his family and their home. His heart says that this person—this dirty, rude, mean, violent person—is home. His heart says this person is everything about himself that he denies having, just like Ian was everything about Mickey that the latter declined to openly acknowledge for so long. I don’t like relationships built on “making each other better.” I really don’t. The wonderful thing about this is that it’s never been that way. Ian didn’t change Mickey. He’s exactly who he’s always been, but he’s grown past the fear of his own emotions and Terry’s response to them. He’s still a thief, a con artist, violent, and rude. Mickey didn’t change Ian either. He’s still rigidly conforming to certain stereotypes of what he thinks he should want, seeking structure (to his own detriment at times), and not a great communicator. The point for them is that they complement each other, not that they make the other a better person—not even that they bring something out of each other that wasn’t already there. That’s what Ian’s other relationships did. They made him shave off his edges so that he could fit a square peg into a round hole, and that’s not happiness. It’s simply what he thought he was supposed to do—what “normal” people did. 

With Mickey, he doesn’t have to worry so much about what is normal or acceptable. He doesn’t have to worry about whether or not his life is objectively “on track,” not until fairly recently. Mickey is the only person he’s ever been with who has accepted him for who he is, faults and strengths alike, without the underlying insinuation that he should be aiming for something else or pretending to be whatever the other person needs him to be in order to care for them. Kash needed an escape—Ian provided it. Ned needed a very specific brand of toy—Ian played that role. Caleb needed a project to feel fulfilled—Ian went along with it for a bit. Trevor needed someone who accepted him as he was but did things his way—Ian did that. To care for Mickey has only ever meant being himself because all Mickey ever really needed was him. Mickey didn’t need an escape from his home—his relationship with his family is more complicated than that. Mickey didn’t need to be saved from his upbringing—it’s what made him the person Ian fell in love with and who he is happy to be. Mickey didn’t need someone to change who he is on a fundamental level because unless it is going to get him into trouble and separate them, Ian never wanted him to. (Even then, it’s about what he does, not who he is.) And yes, I’m sure that there’s a level of excitement that Ian finds exhilarating where Mickey is concerned, but I tend to believe it goes a lot deeper than that. What he finds exciting about Mickey is what Mickey embodies about the South Side—about home. About his own upbringing, but also Ian’s. About Frank and Monica, his siblings, school, work, ROTC—existing and surviving in an environment where it’s not guaranteed that you’ll have money to keep the heat on this winter or feed your family. They spent the early seasons living in a constant state of fight or flight. They couldn’t afford not to. And there’s excitement in that. Look at how many people say that the first seasons are their favorite! There hasn’t been a huge shift in the quality or direction of the writing, just the trajectory of the characters. They’ve gotten older, and their problems have been different. It’s not about survival so much of the time anymore, but those are the storylines that excite us. For Ian, that exhilaration in the constant battle of survival in their neighborhood is sewn into the fiber of his being just like it is Mickey’s. He saw his home in Mickey before they truly fell in love, and when that followed, Mickey became home.

In Conclusion

Ian has spent his entire life looking for the “right” path only to realize that it was laid before him: his family, his small circle of friends, and Mickey. I love that that is coming full circle this season, where [SPOILER ALERT] marriage has almost made him regress a bit to that place where there must be a right way of doing things going forward, and slowly but surely, we’re seeing him loosen up.

Good morning. It’s Ian Gallagher loving hours.

#shameless #ian gallagher #it's ian gallagher loving hours #shameless meta #well that took six hours #and I didn't get more writing done #but I feel accomplished

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is part two of our mpreg Louis fic rec list. The first part of this rec list was done a while ago and can be found here. Happy reading!

1) Always Coming Back To You | Explicit | 4749 words

Harry's been missing Louis for eight days, and eight days without his Omega feels like decades in his pre-rut state.

Louis happens to come back to him earlier than planned.

2) Through The Storm | Mature | 6497 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

Harry and Louis' marriage has hit a rough patch. A much needed week vacation in Jamaica just may be the second chance their relationship needs. What could possibly go wrong?

The answer?

Everything.

3) You Can Show Me Your Heart | Explicit | 6935 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Everyone knows about the unsinkable Titanic, which tragically did just that in April of 1912. However, not many people know the story of the Carpathia - the ship that raced to rescue and aid the survivors of the Titanic when the distress call came through. This is the story of the events leading up to the luxury liner crashing into an iceberg on that fateful spring night. More than that, this is the story of how two of Carpathia’s passengers - Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson - met, fell in love and helped over 700 people in the cold Atlantic water.

4) Cooking with Styles | Explicit | 9119 words

Anyone can cook— or so they say.

5) Something To Prove | Explicit | 9425 words

Louis is the first and only omega to work at Red Valley Medical Center. Despite being more than qualified, he still faces prejudice for his career choice everyday. From patients refusing his treatment to condescending alpha doctors intervening with his work, practicing medicine in Boston is more challenging than Louis had ever thought it would be.

6) We Will Get Through This | Explicit | 11219 words

Because of quarantine, Louis has to stay home with his roommate, Harry, who he's never really hung out with before. He's a sweet alpha who seems to really care and that annoys the hell out of Louis. But as he gets to know the alpha, he realizes it might not be dislike that he's feeling.

7) Easily | Explicit | 13588 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

Years later, Harry and Louis are as strong as ever and more than ready to take the next step in the story of their lives. It gets a little weird, a little confusing, but at the end of the day, it is as easy as can be.

8) Baby Honey | Explicit | 14744 words

Note: The pairing in this fic is Alex/Louis.

When the next great war strikes, all alphas have to ship out. Alex leaves a little more behind than some of the others.

9) The Post-War BP | Explicit | 17732 words

The eight year war has left the country's birthrate severely stunted with a lack of virile alphas left to bring it back up. To ensure the survival of the country, the government opens The Breeding Program where young omegas can apply to carry an alpha's child in exchange for benefits.  Louis' family is struggling and the BP is one of the only ways to secure a roof over their heads.  Harry was drafted at the age of eighteen and spent six years of his life defending a country he doesn't recognize when he returns home.  The government made the bed but it's Harry that has to lie in it.

10) Souls; Plural, Parallel | Teen & Up | 19679 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

Soulmates are rare, the sort of rare that means everyone has a story about a friend's sister's coworker or a brother's roommate's cousin. But the fact of the matter is that most people never meet theirs. It's unfortunate then, that Louis finds out the hard way that he met his soulmate in a club, and the guy never texted him back.

11) Be Mine, Dear | Not Rated | 20104 words

It really wasn’t fair. He was the oldest of all of them. He’s the one who dreamed about being bonded his whole life, while Liam laughed at the idea, until he met Sophia. Niall had always been indifferent, but when he met Heather six months ago, everything changed for him. He quickly went from being the only omega around two alpha’s, to the odd omega out. And it really wasn’t fair, because Liam and Niall both still protected him just as much as the did before, just as much they do their new mates now, but he was still bitter about it, so he’d pity himself as much as he wanted.

12) Oops, Baby, I Love You (In That Order) | Explicit | 25344 words

The minute Louis Tomlinson decides he don’t need no man to start a family, Harry Styles literally falls into his arms.

13) I’m Having Your Baby (It's None of Your Business) | Mature | 26383 words

A bet can cost you a lot. Harry learns this in the weirdest of ways.

Louis just wanted a baby, and he got so much more.

14) The Things I'd Do To Wake Up Next To You | Mature | 36109 words

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

15) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

16) You Put the Sun in Sunday | Mature | 42319 words

Louis is a love-brainwashed-teenager of hope drenched in dreams, clad in oversized clothes damaged with holes, and standing waist-high in novels. Harry is a selfish closeted football captain with a head too big for his heart, and a bad habit of not thinking before he opens his mouth. No one ever said love was easy, Louis learned the hard way.

17) Flash Forward (We’re Taking On The World Together) | Explicit | 44273 words

In which Omega Louis and Alpha Harry are absolutely perfect for each other and say I love you too much.

18) Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is A Brand New Start | Mature |  62859 words

Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.

19) Such Good Luck | Explicit | 66205 words

An Edwardian AU where Harry is a young aristocratic lord and Louis is a working class dairy farmer. Secrets are a necessary part of their relationship, but Louis has one that could topple their whole world.

20) Things I Can't | Not Rated | 67495 words

Louis has a plan for his life. He’s going to be the first in his family to finish college. He’s going to be a doctor - the best damn doctor in the country. And he’s going to work his ass off to make sure his younger siblings never have to wonder whether they have the means to pursue their dreams.

He doesn’t have space in his plan for a relationship with an effortlessly alluring musician, and certainly not for the child that unexpectedly results from that union. Louis is at a crossroads he never thought to plan for, and now he must make a decision: between what he wants now, and what he wants most.

21) I’m Still Learning To Love | General Audiences | 74695 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

An AU where Harry has almost everything in the world except for the will to move on.

22) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.

That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

23) Fucking Animals | Explicit | 116688 words

Louis is the frontman of an equal rights-movement, author of a book about beta-omega marriage and the struggles of being born and boxed into a personality you don’t necessarily feel you fit. The notion that an omega must want to be with an alpha or else he or she’s just settling for less, is bullshit.

But, fucking hell.

24) Be My Omega | Mature | 138372 words

It all started when the alpha laid eyes on the short curvy omega and he knew at that moment that his life would never be the same, in a good way of course.

25) Cold Little Heart | Teen & Up | 194600 words

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child. A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something -odd.

In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham. Louis really could use the help.

26) Love Me Until The End | Mature | 207130 words

AU where Louis, an Omega, is the head nurse of the hospital in charge of running the nursing staff. Harry, an Alpha, is a highly respected surgeon working at the same hospital. They also happen to fall in love.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#fic recs #mpreg #bottom louis #top harry #mpreg louis #blp fic recs #blp #larry

[moon-yeongjun]

The Gay Cousin Pt. 1 || Moon Bros

Summary: Jun and Tae’s cousins from Canada zoom in... and reveal a pretty shocking secret! 

TW: anxiety, thoughts/mentions of homophobia (no actual homophobia expressed) 

@moon-yeongtae

JUN: A couple of times a year, the Moon family skyped the other Moon family. It happened only on your standard occasions: Chuseok and Christmas. Much more common were phone calls to Eomma’s extended family still living in Korea-- her cousins and aunts and uncles, most of whom Jun had never met. 

But the other Moons-- his father’s younger brother’s family who had immigrated as well, but to Canada, not England. Well, they were like Santa Claus. Or a unicorn. Popped up, said hi, sent cards but only over email. In fact, there were times they could not work out the time difference between Toronto and Swynlake and so they missed the Skype call. 

But not these days. Oh no, these days, ever since Abeoji died, Eomma was making a real effort to keep in touch with Nam-seok and his two sons. Whether it was out of guilt or maybe her way of feeling closer to her late husband, Jun didn’t know. 

He also didn’t argue though when she told all the Moons that it was Jacob’s birthday in a few days and they were going to Skype him from his new apartment. 

“After church, this Sunday, so no plans!” Eomma said fiercely to all of them, waving a knife in the air. She glared more fiercely at Star, who was truly going through the rebellious-teen-phase on behalf of both goody-two-shoes Sky and eager-to-please Sunny, and was texting at the table. 

“But Eomma, I was going to go over to Janet’s--”

“No. Jacob emailed me, eh? We’re doing it. No excuse.” 

And so now it was Sunday, at 2:26 p.m., which was 9:26 a.m. in Toronto, which seemed pretty early for a 25-year-old (and shouldn’t he be going to church too? Jun was not going to point this out to Eomma, for Jacob’s sake). They gathered around Jun’s laptop as he logged onto Zoom, which was much better than Skype, he told Eomma. 

“Agh, your butt is too big, Star!” yelped Sunny behind. Sunny and Star were fighting for Jun’s nice desk chair, trying to shove each other off with their hips. 

“I called it!” 

“Aish, girls!” Eomma snapped. “Sky, put the book down.” 

“We’re not even on yet?” Sky huffed, not lowering her book. 

Jun rolled his eyes and glanced at Tae. Who knew that Tae would be the best behaved of his siblings? Not him. Though, his brother was almost 18 now, so maybe his bad attitude really was just a symptom of those early teens, like the girls now. 

Just then, his screen began to ring. “Yah, he’s calling!” Jun announced. 

Eomma ripped the book from Sky’s hands. “Okay everyone, be nice or I’ll kill you!” 

The next moment, his cousin appeared: Jacob with his big grin, which immediately reminded Jun of Tae. But that was about the only resemblance. Jacob was blond now! Aish! A second after, his other cousin leaned in onto the screen: Kevin, with his hipster glasses, wearing a beanie even though it was spring there, unruly hair poking out. Too long, thought Jun. What was with kids these days and growing their hair so long? “Yooooooo, Moon fam, hi!” Kevin said. 

“Gomo, hello hello!” sweet Jacob said, waving both his hands. “How’s everyone doing?” 

TAE: 

When Tae was younger, he used to wish he belonged to the other part of the Moon family. It wasn't because he hated his life or anything even though he sort of did sometimes (at least back then), it was because they just seemed so much cooler! Like right now his cousins were smiling so big and Jacob had dyed his hair blonde! Tae had a feeling that if he tried to dye his hair blonde his eomma would try to slap some sense into him with a kitchen spoon! Ha! 

"We're great," Tae said, leaning closer to the screen and blocking his sisters' view of the screen and smiling big in return. They didn't need to see anyway. 

Predictably, though, the second he was fully in the way he felt shoving at his back. 

"Oppa you're in the way! We can't see!" 

"You don't need to see anyway," he said and laughed when Star yanked him backward by the shirt. "I like your hair! How long did it take to turn it blond?" 

"Like, a long time," Jacob said with a laugh. "It looks good though so it was worth it." 

"Maybe I'll do it next," Tae said and smiled really big. "Eomma will help me, right, Eomma?"

JUN: 

Aish, was Tae trying to pick a fight? He took back what he was thinking about one minute earlier: Tae had not grown out of his annoying teenager phase at all. He was still in it, a troublemaker to the end. Because he knew! Oh he knew, he heard the fights between Star and Eomma as Star pushed and pushed. It had taken her almost a full six months to convince Eomma to let her and Sunny dye bleach their hair in the first place. And she’d not even asked about the blue colour, just showed up, tossing those locks and letting Eomma lose her mind. 

Remember what Eomma had just said too? Behave. Picking a fight in front of their cousins was not behaving. 

“I think Star has more experience with that,” said Jun swiftly, so Eomma did not have to answer. Eomma nodded, not adding anything else, which Jun knew was because she did not like the idea of Tae-- any of her children-- dying their hair at all. 

“Yes! Girl, I saw your Insta pics, that blue was so cute!” Jacob said. 

“Fire!” Kevin added, putting his hand to his mouth like a megaphone. 

Star preened. “Thanks! It was super hard to manage though and like, washed out to this ugly green colour.” 

“Right, yeah, I get that,” said Jacob. “So what’s everyone doing?”

“No, you tell us about you, you are both so busy,” Eomma interrupted with a smile. “I see Jacob’s graduation pictures?”

“Right, yes! I finished my Masters in Music Ed,” said Jacob. “Kevin’s still working on his degree, he’ll be done in like no time though. And then I just moved here! Ahh, first place of my own! Well, not like on my own, on my own, but you know--” 

Eomma clapped her hands lightly. “That’s so wonderful! So responsible. You have a job?” 

“Um, yes, but not actually teaching music yet!” Jacob laughed. “I’m just like, working in a restaurant right now.” 

“Music is a very hard degree to find a job for,” said Jun. Then flinched as he felt Eomma pinch him. He shot her a confused look. What! It was! Who could get a degree in music education and expect to make real money?! 

“Haha, yeah it is but like, I just graduated so I mean, I’ll be interviewing for stuff for next school year.” Jacob went on like he didn’t notice. “But so wait, no, everyone tell me what’s up! Tae, aren’t you going to uni soon?” 

TAE:

Tae's smile fell for a moment before he could control himself but he quickly recovered, pasting it back in place. The thing was, theoretically? Yes, Tae was supposed to be going to uni soon. Actually, he was supposed to be going to uni next year if everything had gone the way it was supposed to, but he was a giant failure of a human being and had to repeat an entire year. 

He didn't really want to get into all of that, obviously, so he just kind of smiled and nodded. "I still have one more year before I have to get into that, but yeah, I can already tell that year is going to go by fast."

There, that was much easier than talking about how he felt like an utter failure and like he was too stupid to ever get into any uni, right? Perfect! 

"Jun-hyung is really doing great with the store, too! We actually have employees now and he's even dating one of them." 

He looked over to his hyung with s little wince, hopeful that Jun would take pity on him and not kill him later. 

I'm sorry, he tried to communicate with his eyes. I just can't talk about uni. 

JUN: 

Now this wasn't fair. Why should Jun have to suffer because Tae was irresponsible and lazy and didn't study enough or own up to his choices???! 

Okay, maybe that was putting it all a little harshly but Jun was not feeling very forgiving when Tar mentioned the g word. 

Girlfriend. 

His cousins were going to gobble that up, two hungry hyenas scenting gossip.

And sure enough, both Kevin and Jacob gasped. 

"Yooooooooo no way! But wait-- wait wait, what about Tiffany?" exclaimed Kevin. 

" They broke up! Kevin that was in Gomo's Christmas email! I'm sorry Gomo, I swear he read it--" 

"Course I read it, I just forgot! Tiffany was around forever!" 

"Anyway, this new girl? Tell us about her!" Jacob beamed. 

Jun would rather not. He would rather do anything but talk about Haru. He needed to say something fast though or else-- 

Already too late. Jun's one second grimace opened the window for Eomma. 

"Oh she's wonderful! Her name is Haru, she is Japanese but very beautiful! Very polite and friendly and she goes to church--" 

Jun cleared his throat. "Yes, we are still getting to know each other. It's new." 

"Well she has worked for us for a year, that isn't very new--" Star said with a smirk like the traitor she was. 

"Don't you want to show us your new place, Jacob?" interrupted Jun maybe a little desperately, who could say! 

"Oh yeah, Zoom tour!" Kevin flashed rock our signs. 

"Definitely! I was just hoping we could wait for--" Jacob turned at that moment. "Did you hear that? Oh I think he's here! Wait just one minute everyone!" Jacob waved a hand and then scurried out of the room. 

Kevin leaned in to the screen. "Soooooo… anyone else got any hot significant others, hmmm? Star-- Tae, my man??"

TAE:

“Ha,” he blurted, and then instantly he panicked and shut his mouth. 

Tae had literally been about to say he had the hottest one. It had been right there on the tip of his tongue, because any chance to talk about how hot Nemo was was something he wanted to take advantage of. Then he remembered that most of his family had absolutely no idea he was gay and if his eomma knew that about him she’d probably tell him he was going to hell. 

This zoom call was quickly turning into a nightmare. Not only was he forced to think about how dumb he was, now he had to think about how closeted he was too. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t, so he sat there and tried to keep a smile on his face while Star babbled on about someone in her class and all her boyfriends or whatever she was talking about. 

If Tae had been panicking a little bit less, he might’ve caught it. He might’ve been able to prepare himself for what he was about to see because all the hints were there. No one was trying to hide anything at all. 

Jacob had clearly said he’s here and then right after that, Kevin had asked if anyone else had any hot significant others. So yeah, Tae should’ve been prepared when Jacob walked back into the frame holding an unfamiliar boy’s hand. 

He should’ve been prepared, but he wasn’t. 

In fact, when he saw Jacob walk back into the frame, everything around him went black and he stopped breathing while he gripped his chair so hard his fingers hurt. He was going to pass out. 

Tae looked over at his eomma, trying to read her expression, but all he saw was a blank stare. 

“Tae!” 

Tae blinked and the world filled back in around him. Star was pushing at his back and giggling. “Aren’t you going to say hi? Jacob is introducing his boyfriend!” 

“Right, sorry! Hey, it’s nice to meet you,” Tae said with a respectful little bow of his head. 

JUN: 

From Jun’s point of view, it went like this: 

“Star’s flirting with like six different guys right now,” Sky spoke for the first time, right after Tae’s very strange squeak. Jun met Sky’s eyes for a beat, his own eyebrows furrowing down for a moment. Did Sky…? But he thought only Sunny--

“Oh my god, am not,” groaned Star. “Sides, Eomma won’t let me date yet anyway.” 

“You’re too young,” said Eomma. “Whoever these boys are too, stop flirting with them--”

“I’m not flirting! I’m friends with them. You won’t let me go out with Tyler--”

“Ooooh, who’s Tyler?” said Kevin, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“A friend,” said Star, looking very pointedly at Eomma. 

And this was when the door opened and Jacob returned with another boy. He looked Korean, maybe-- was he Korean?-- with short black hair and thick-framed, stylish glasses. He carried coffees with him and a large, friendly smile. But that smile was nothing compared to his cousin’s. His cousin’s smile had crinkled his eyes into precious rainbows and he squeezed the boy’s arm once--

And Jun knew, right before Jacob said anything, but not fast enough to suddenly smash his hand on the keyboard and instantly disconnect them. The panic seized his throat. 

“Gomo, everyone, I wanted you guys to meet my boyfriend. This is David!”

“Hey everyone, I’ve heard so much about you,” said this David as he pulled up a chair. He grinned again, leaning closer to the screen. “Seriously, Jacob is always talking about his cool British cousins.” 

“Wait, I’m screaming!” squealed Star (not actually screaming). “You have a boyfriend?”

“It’s nice to meet you!” piped in Sunny, and Sky echoed her, “Nice to meet you!” 

Jun, meanwhile, was trying not to look at Tae, but could not help himself. And so he kept jumping his eyes around like he was following the path of a fly in the air. Look up, look to the side, look at the mouse, okay, look at Tae--!

Tae looked like he’d been punched in the face.

Eomma looked like she was listening to some very serious news. 

“Yes, very good to meet you,” said Eomma finally, after Tae had spoken too. She smiled very politely. “How do you know Jacob?” 

“We went to school together,” said David. “Undergrad, I mean.”

“We started dating our third year,” added Jacob. His knee was bouncing, Jun could see it on the screen. Ah, so he was nervous too. Good, he should be, he might have just exploded the Moon families forever! This was sabotage! What was he thinking?! “So it’s our third year together. So we decided to get a place. He’s great,” Jacob gushed. “I mean, totally genius level smart, he works at an engineering firm.” 

“Yeah, David’s awesome,” chimed in Kevin. 

“What do your parents do?” asked Eomma. 

“They’re both teachers actually,” said David. “That’s how they met, uh, in their PhD programs. My mom mostly does after school tutoring in sciences, but my baba’s a professor at McGill.” 

“Oh, very impressive,” said Eomma. She pressed her lips together. Jun was staring at her; he could not look away. “And has David met your appa and eomma, Jacob?” 

“Yes,” said Jacob with a nod. “Yes, yeah. That’s one of the reasons I wanted you guys to meet him too, you know? We’ve just been dating so long it felt silly at some point, haha!” 

TAE:

Tae was having a heart attack. 

They’d learned all about it in school--the sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the unbearable pain in the left side of the chest. He was absolutely going to die right here in this chair while talking to his cousins from Canada. Or he was going to puke. One of those two things was going to happen and it was the most important thing in the world that he not give any of that away with his face. He had to remain still. He had to remain stoic. He was not allowed to talk. 

He heard everything Jacob was saying. They’d been dating for a long time. They’d been together so long, actually, that Jacob’s new apartment was actually Jacob and David’s new apartment and his parents knew all about it and they still loved him. They loved him enough for Jacob to think it was a good idea to introduce David to their family. 

Their very traditional, Christian family. 

Yep. 

Tae was actually dying. 

The screen in front of him started to waver. Actually, the whole room kind of looked a little misty, and Tae realized there were tears in his eyes. His Eomma was barely moving. She was talking, but they were like short little clipped sentences and Tae was so afraid of what she was going to say when they ended the call. He didn’t want to hear it. 

Slowly, Tae looked over at Jun, his eyes big and pleading. He didn’t know what he wanted his hyung to do, but he needed to get out of this. He didn’t want to be here anymore. 

A hand, small and warm, was suddenly covering his where he was gripping the chair with all his strength and he looked down to see it was Sunny. She’d leaned forward just a little to reach him and Tae had to cough to cover what sounded suspiciously like a sob. Ha.

He couldn’t think about David meeting his aunt and uncle. He couldn’t think about how cute it probably was and how much they probably loved their son’s boyfriend. If he did, he’d start wondering if it would ever happen for him. 

He’d start thinking about bringing Nemo over to his eomma and telling her they were dating. He’d start imagining how happy she would be for them and how supportive she would be when he said they were going to move in together. He’d start daydreaming about what it would be like to live with Nemo and how happy he would be because his family could come visit them and they could cook dinner and entertain and--

He pulled his hand away from Sunny’s and wrapped his arms around his knees. 

JUN: 

Tae looked at Jun the way he used to when he was just a kid. It had been a long time since Jun had seen that sweet boy in his brother’s face. Those big eyes, that nervous lip. He was five years old and crying about his scabbed knees. He was six and begging Jun for chocolates. He was seven and teary-eyed as he struggled with his maths homework, Jun sitting with him at the kitchen table.

And Jun wished he were the hyung he had been all those years ago-- bad hair and acne but all the time in the world to answer to his brother’s needs. He’d once been a superhero, the smartest person Tae ever knew! There was nothing he could not fix!

But this. 

This was Tae, eight years old, asking him not to go away to university. That had been the first time that Jun had ever broken a promise and let his brother down. 

And here he was again. He stared back helplessly. What could he do, eh? Stop the call abruptly? Make an excuse for Tae that wouldn’t upset Eomma? Turn back time, call his cousin, tell him that coming out was a bad idea?

And was it?

Jun could not say. Eomma was not causing a scene. She had not shut down. She was not as happy as before, but maybe it was a shock, or maybe the slight had nothing to do with Jacob bringing a boyfriend, and instead it was about him bringing anyone at all to a family call. 

Jun would just have to wait and see. 

And so he sat there. Just like Tae sat there. He sat there, failing his brother all over again. 

“Well I think that’s all super awesome!” blurted Sunny, proving to be more useful than Jun. “Maybe we could visit you guys one day!” 

“Totally!” said Jacob.

“Oh yeah, the first ever Moon family reunion!” said Kevin as he pumped his fist. “Man, we’d gotta get some of the O-G Moons.” 

“O-G?” David snorted. 

“He’s talking about the real Koreans,” said Jacob. “In Korea.” 

“You... are real Koreans--” David started. 

“Point is, all the Moons!” Kevin said. “One day! Would be fun.” 

Jun could only nod and press his lips together. At least they were not talking about David anymore, not really, eh? Best keep it that way. Maybe that was what Jun could do. “So eh, you wanted to give  a tour of the apartment?” He prompted. 

The rest of the call was mostly that. Jacob walked them around their place. They had been in the spare room, which was mostly an ‘office’, but Jun saw the massive computer screen and knew it was a gaming computer, mhm. And then there was a rather new kitchen, brand new appliances, David bragged. David also talked a lot about some of the apartment complex amenities, the on-site gym, a movie theater big enough for a group of say, eight to ten. He was proud, Jun saw that-- it was an expensive place, and no doubt he was covering most of it for Jacob. Jun wondered about that aspect of their relationship, he wondered if Jacob really was ready for it all, only 25 years old, on the cusp of his start of career, to depend on someone else… 

And then the bedroom, which they did not spend much time in, because they wanted to show the bathroom with its nice sized tub.

And then the balcony, which had a nice view of Toronto. Star sighed dreamily. “I wanna live in a city like that one day!” 

And then they all said their goodbyes. “This was so fun, I’m so glad you guys could call in,” said gentle, naive Jacob. He did not seem to suspect anything. Maybe he was hiding it. Maybe not. 

Eomma stood up first as the Zoom ended. “He is doing very well,” she said. “What a beautiful place to live, eh? See, this is what happens when you study hard.” She looked at Tae sternly. 

“Tae, I need your help!” Jun blurted at that moment, slapping the arm of his chair and making his sisters flinch. “With-- there’s-- the thing, you know, I told you to do this morning. You didn’t do it.” 

TAE:

The second his hyung spoke, Tae jumped out of his chair and nodded, heading to the back door where he kept his mud boots. He couldn’t breathe. The air in their house had gotten too thick  and every time Tae tried to take a breath it stuck in his lungs, gummy and wet. 

His eomma hadn’t looked happy. In fact, she hadn’t looked much of anything, her face kind of a blank slate, and Tae’s brain had absolutely no problem projecting all of his fears onto that blank slate. She’d been disgusted. She’d been upset, mad, disappointed. 

That last one really was the worst one for Tae. 

Pulled his boots up over his jeans and stomped down the stairs, heading toward the barn with one thought swirling through his head over and over and over. You’re already such a disappointment, and when she finds out you’re gay that’ll be the last straw. 

It was true, though, wasn’t it? He’d failed a grade. Now, the second time he’d done this school year, he was passing, but just barely. He was stupid. He was a giant idiot and his eomma knew that. That’s why she’d taken that dig at him, told him that if he studied hard he could have a nice apartment like Jacob. 

Tae hated Jacob. 

Well, no, he didn’t hate Jacob, but the jealousy burned through his bones and left him shaking and empty, barely able to stand. Wait. He wasn’t standing. 

Tae looked down at his hands and found them covered in dirt. He was on his knees behind the chicken coop, his chest heaving as his heart attack finally caught up with him. He was going to die. It was kind of a relief actually, because now he wouldn’t have to come out to his eomma at all. He’d just die and be buried in a cute little grave and she could cry and say he’d had so much potential and maybe she’d even believe it because he hadn’t lived long enough for her to see how wrong she was. 

He should probably call Nemo before he died, his brain offered up, but he’d left his phone in the house and it was probably better this way anyw--

A loud, rasping sound caught Tae’s attention and he looked around, his eyes wide and wet, until he realized it had come from him. 

“I can’t,” he was saying. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” 

JUN: 

Tae hopped up right away. Good, good, that was what Jun wanted. Jun could not follow his brother as quickly though, caught in the dynamics of the Moon women before he could escape. This mostly consisted of Star gripping at his arm and saying, “Junnie oppaaaa, you need to post a picture of you and Haru on Instagram, so Jacob can see her!” 

“I don’t have a personal Instagram,” Jun said and tried to drag his arm away. 

“Ugh, I’m making you one, that’s so sad,” said Star. 

“Posting a picture would be good, Junnie,” said Eomma. “Maybe Facebook?”

“No one uses Facebook anymore, Eomma!” said Star. 

“Aish, that’s not true, I use Facebook all the time,” said Eomma. 

“I have to-- help Yeong-tae--” Jun cleared his throat and managed to squeeze out this time around, leaving talks of Facebook and selfies behind.

But not Jacob. 

No, he carried that with him as he went outside. He had no idea where Tae would have gone, considering that Jun did not actually give him a task. He headed toward the chickens though, because that seemed to be a good distance from the house. And sure enough-- there was his brother-- on his knees. 

Jun stopped, still far away as though he’d stepped in mud and it had sucked his feet down. He did not know what to do. Jun was not someone who comforted others-- not well. Whenever Tae had cried on his shoulder in the past year, he had sat like a useless, limp pillow, just there to be grabbed onto. He did not know what he’d say to Tae now either. He didn’t know how Eomma felt. Maybe she’d never talk about it, and maybe that was a good thing? Maybe later today, she’d rant about it all much too harshly. Jun could make Tae no promises.

Perhaps he should just leave. Hadn’t he already failed his brother enough today? Space could be what Tae needed, just...space, and time, so he could calm down…

This was not the right answer, Jun knew that and so he hesitated, second after second, before finally forcing his feet to move.

“Tae-yah, what are you doing? Get up, come on now,” said Jun, and he reached down to help Tae onto his feet again. His hands went clumsily up to his brother’s face, wiping away the tears over his splotchy red cheeks. “Look at me, eh? Why are you crying?” It was a genuine question, but also Jun felt like Tae needed something firm right now-- someone to keep him grounded, not have him spin off into whatever painful scenarios he was concocting in his head. “Eomma doesn’t know about you, okay? You’re okay. This is a good thing--” 

He said it. And he believed it.

His hands moved down to grip his brother’s shoulders. “You aren’t alone anymore, don’t you see that? Jacob understands you, eh? He knows exactly what you’re going through!” 

TAE:

“He doesn’t!” Tae heard himself say. 

He wasn’t being fair, but he didn’t want to be fair. He wanted to be Jacob. 

“He doesn’t know anything. Jacob--his eomma probably didn’t care at all! She probably smiled and hugged him and told him to bring David over for dinner and our Eomma just stared at him like he was gum stuck on the bottom of her s-shoe.” 

Tae’s sobs caught up with him and his whole body shook. He didn’t care if what he was saying was true or not because in this moment it was how he felt. Alone. 

Except Tae wasn’t alone, and for a moment, it was like he was six all over again. Jun-hyung, was standing here with him, his hands on his shoulders, and telling him everything was going to be okay. 

Why couldn’t he live in a world where who he loved didn’t matter? He was a good person! Or, he tried to be at least. Sometimes he got a little bit angry and he was definitely short-tempered but...he just wanted his family to love him. He just wanted to be accepted. 

“Hyung, you can’t let her hate me,” he said, his voice a little smaller--like maybe if he said it quiet enough the universe wouldn’t get any ideas. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks and  Tae gripped at the hem of his hyung’s shirt. “She’s going to hate me, but you can’t let her.”

JUN: 

“She won’t hate you,” said Jun. “I promise.” 

It was not something he should promise.

But Jun had always felt this way, since Tae came out to him-- that there could be no other alternative. He could not imagine his loving eomma turning on one of her own children like that, no matter what she believed or didn’t believe. And really, did they know? A belief in God did not mean a belief that all gay people should be damned. He had seen plenty of Christians to argue the opposite: that God meant love, and love was for all of His children. 

Maybe Eomma would be shocked, maybe she would be-- disappointed or confused. That was what Jun tried to find on Eomma’s face when Jacob had introduced his boyfriend, but she had been much too polite about it all for him to figure it out. And yes, those emotions might hurt Tae too, but it couldn’t be hate. Never hate. 

Jun wished his promise could secure that. He would trade anything in order to give Tae that peace of mind.

As it was, he could only fumble his way through this like always. “Tae-yah,” he said then gently. “You should talk to Jacob again. You don’t know what it might be like for him. He was probably scared too, even if our gomo did accept him right away. I’m telling you, this is good.” He said it again, wiped his brother’s face again. “No matter what happens with Eomma, you will always have family, see? Me, and our sisters, and Jacob and Kevin-- and yes, even Gomo. So many people are going to be there for you.”  

TAE:

His hyung was right. Tae knew his hyung was right and he shouldn’t be scared, but it was just so hard not to be. He took a deep, shaky breath and nodded his head. And when he really thought about it, maybe he was just a little bit less scared now than he had been before, because Jacob had come out and nothing had caught on fire. His eomma’s head didn’t explode and she didn’t start praying for him immediately and saying he was going to go to hell. So really, it had been a little bit like a test run and no one had died. 

Now that he was a little more calm, Tae really wanted to know how Jacob had done it. 

“I--Yeah I think I want to talk to him,” he said in a small voice, still holding onto his hyung’s shirt. “And I think I want to tell Sky and Star too. I think they should know.”

A small seed was starting to bloom bright with hope inside of Tae’s chest and he wanted to water it. He wanted to give it all of his energy until he wasn’t scared at all anymore. He leaned into Jun and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tight and pressing his cheek to his chest.

“Thank you, hyung,” he said, and he meant it so much. “Thank you for helping me.” 

Maybe it was stupid, but what Tae really wanted now was Nemo. He wanted to tell Nemo all of his feelings. He wanted to explain to him that maybe he was ready, but he was also still so scared and he wanted Nemo to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay just like his hyung was doing now. 

Tae felt safe in his brother’s arms and he wanted to tell Nemo about that too. He wanted to tell Nemo that his hyung was a hero. 

“You--I wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” he said, still mumbling. “You’re a good hyung.”

#moon bros #moon cousins #i love jacob and kevin a lot tho they're my boys #para

[purplesurveys]

1125

survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: I don’t think I’ve shared it on here and I doubt I will.

Last Name: Not providing it either but it starts with a C.

Birthdate: April 21st.

[..First Things First..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? I rushed to the rooftop so that I could see the sunrise. I also got in the random mood to do a time-lapse of it, but the sun took forrrrrrrr-freaking-ever to come up entirely. I was holding up my phone for like 15 minutes and nothing was happening, so I quit halfway through lol.

What was the name of your first pet? Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Who was your first big crush? Gabie, I would say.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner was scheduled right after I happened to get my license, and the event took place in a small, quaint little restaurant in Marikina. 

There’s a bit of a funny story here, too – Aaron needed a ride to get there and so I offered to drive him. I picked him up and we were having small talk in the car, and he asked me how long I’ve been driving. I told him that moment was my literal first time driving out and that I just got my license the day before, and he is my first-ever passenger (at that point I’ve never even tried driving solo yet). The horror and immediate distrust on his face was something I will never forget HAHAHA. We got to the place unharmed, but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell.

Who was your very first friend? It was a kind girl named Kaye back in kindergarten. We were always next to each other in our class lists, so it was inevitable for us to befriend one another. She transferred schools in first grade and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

What was the first thing you ate today? I had another bag of salted egg chips. I’m extremely hooked, lmao.

What was your first job? I work as an associate at a PR agency.

[..Colors..]

Name something red in the room you are in: We have an unopened bottle of wine here on the dining table and there’s still a red ribbon wrapped around it.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? No, neither of my schools had orange as one of its colors.

How many yellow shirts do you own? I can think of 5 tops hanging out in my wardrobe at the moment. Two of them are class shirts from high school; the others were tops I bought when I started getting into mustard yellow.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I believe Angel, a classmate from high school who also studies in UP, also drives a Mitsubishi Mirage, albeit a lime green one.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Yes for the most part, but the sun is setting soon so the sky is bound to change into many pretty colors as it usually does at this time of the day.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Barney the dinosaur, and ube.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yes, all our walls indoors are white.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Not always, but if used specifically in that context, it definitely helps boosts the mood.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silverrr, always.

[..Phone Stuff..]

Who is your provider? Nothing you would be familiar with, but I use Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? It’ll be three years this year. It would be nice to upgrade, but I’m also still happy with my current phone so it doesn’t really matter to me.

What did your last text say? The last one that came through that didn’t come from my mobile services provider was from someone in the media. It was his birthday last Friday and I messaged him if he’d like to receive a gift from us, on behalf of one of our clients; he just replied with his confirmation and details.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yep and I’d feel like throwing up almost immediately.

Was your last missed call male or female? It was from my mom.

Who is your 10th phone contact? It’s from Jum, who I realize is still listed as Ate Jum on my phone. That’s cute hahaha; I must have gotten her number when we weren’t super close yet. Anyway, she’s been super MIA for like the last two years...basically, ever since she graduated. I believe she has also since moved back to Bicol, so it’s become virtually impossible to see her again. Bums me out and I look forward to the day we somehow end up in the same room once again.

How did you meet them? I met her in my very first journalism major class. I had mixed feelings towards her at first since I found her to be super loud in class, and I initially thought she would only be a one-time classmate and nothing more; but I got to know her more and we even ended up as orgmates, and it turns out she is literally the most hilarious person I know.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? I have absolutely no clue who it is. I no longer remember what led to it, but Gabie and I swapped the SIM cards in our phones at one point, and for some reason it made me have access to her contacts; the 17th contact on my phone is someone from her list. And since I never hang out in my Contacts app, I’ve never gotten around to deleting those extra numbers I received.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Around 6th or 7th grade. I can’t remember the exact grade level she transferred to my school as a new student.

When was the last time you saw them? It’s been at least a year. I remember seeing her on campus very briefly when I was on my way to a certain building for class, while she was walking out of it.

Who is your 4th phone contact? LMAO, again, it’s from her contact list. Said person is one of her older cousins, I believe.

Have you ever kissed that person? No, and that is very weird and uncomfortable to think about.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Andi drunk messaged me a few months ago. November, I think.

[..Friends..]

Who is your #1? No Myspace but I’d say my top best friend is Angela.

How long have you known them? It will be 16 years this year.

Have you ever kissed? Oh my gosh, hell no. It would be like kissing a sister haha. She’s super affectionate and will sometimes kiss my shoulder or cheek, though.

Are you dating this person? No, never did and never desired to.

Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really exclusive to each other, but I call her Anj (and only a few people call her so) and she will occasionally call me Reben or Rolayn, both from past inside jokes.

What is your #2's full name? I am not sharing that, but I refer to them as Andi (you may remember them as Andrew from the past times I’ve mentioned them).

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? If there is zero traffic, I can probably make it to their place within that timeframe, yeah. But realistically, no they don’t.

How did you meet? We initially met in an anti-Marcos protest/rally – I approached they first because they had a wrestling shirt on, heheh – and that’s when I learned we were from the same college. But they rubbed me off the wrong way from our first meeting as they were too extroverted for my liking, and I spent a good chunk of time ignoring him whenever we crossed paths, lmfao. Eventually we were put in the same class at some point, and they even joined my org, and an intensely close friendship started from there.

Could you live with this person? Sure. I think they would never be a boring roommate.

Who is your #3? I’m gonna go with Kate for this one.

Where are they right now? I have no idea. We don’t really catch up with each other’s lives on a regular basis; we have a very chill, low-maintenance friendship.

When is this person's birthday? January 1st.

Has this person ever seen you naked? I don’t think so.

What is your #4's full name? I don’t think I have a 4th-tier best friend haha, but I’m gonna pick Tina.

When did you last see them? Last year, on the last normal day I was able to be on campus. She was set to present one of her projects at a journalism conference that was taking place in campus that day, but I was able to hang out with her for a short time before the event.

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? No. I knew she had a crush on someone from the college, though.

Do you know their favorite movie? I’m not sure about her favorite movie but I do know she loves Adam Sandler. I was never able to figure out if her interest was ironic or genuine but yeah, she enjoys a good number of his works.

[..Randomosity..]

What time is it? 6:20 PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? I wouldn’t say so. I do have deliverables for work but since it’s the weekend, I’m not thinking about them nor do I have the desire to touch those tasks until Monday.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my family. Considering my monthly income, it’d be close to impossible to sustain myself in my own place this early in my adult life.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure.

Are you allergic to anything? I don’t believe so.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says “UP Fighting Maroons” styled in a varsity font since that’s the term for our sports team.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I have, but only back in like Grade 6 when we had to do it for a home ec class. I remember wanting to buy a tie-dye set recently so I could revisit the activity, but I never got around to it.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? Angela for the most part; but I also don’t want to be too reliant on my friends in this way. Sometimes I simply allow myself to be sad or upset, and sometimes I count on myself to cheer up.

How many places have you been today? I have been nowhere but at home today lol. I’ll be going to BGC tomorrow to have lunch with my godfather and my cousins, though.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Last night when I read the news that the government will be making All Souls’ Day, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve working days this year. I already know I’ll be half-assing my way through those days lmao because whyyyyyyy the fuck would you make people work on family-centric holidays such as those

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There are no books here at the rooftop.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nope.

Can you whistle? Only through my lips. I can’t do the kind of whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth as well.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I’m well past that chapter.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? No, because I don’t.

How many people have you kissed this year? None.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Hmm, no one comes to mind.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? More of a night owl.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? No thanks. I’ve never had the desire to have one.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’d have to go with Finland. I feel like the cultural differences would be a lot more marked, plus the vacation is longer so that is an instant win for me.

[..And Finally..]

Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I was driving to the local coffee shop to spend some time with myself, and do a liiiiiiiittle bit of work as well.

Where did you last go out to eat at? Ramen Nagi. I was initially hesitant to show up there and ask for a table for one on a Sunday evening...but it turned out to feel incredibly empowering and freeing. It was definitely awkward at first, but it got a lot easier once I realized literally no one gives a fuck. Or if they did, they didn’t do anything about it and let me mind my own business. That evening was a crucial step in reclaiming my happiness, so I’m glad I made the choice to suck it up and enter the restaurant.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Last week, when Angela needed our abaca mat as an aesthetic for her grad shoot.

Was your last breakup a bad one? Yes.

What was the last song you listened to? Just checked my Spotify and the current song I have on pause is Descansos by Hayley Williams. 

What was the last movie you watched? Midsommar.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? Not technically, but it did take place outside of my house so we were outdoors for some neighbors to see.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? It was Andi, and I already explained how we met earlier in this survey.

#survey #surveys

[kz-i-co]

Virgin-less: Part V

»Summary: it's Christmas time and you spend it with jungkooks family

»Pairing: Jeon Jungkook/Reader

»Genre: fluff/smut

»Words: 3.7k

»m.list | bts masterlist

» Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

»A/N: This is the last part for this series since it's just a simple romance story lol. There's not much plot to this story it's just basically fluffy so I hope you guys understand. :)

-

You brushed your hair out of your face as the new found headache started circling your head as your eyes were drifting past each and every strange title you never even head of. Isolation, Skyrim, Borderlands, Destiny. The list went on and on. What was he even into? You had no clue when it came to video games.

You knew what games he had but didn't even know if they even related to these other games. You were a mess.

What the hell were you gonna get him? You never had to shop for a guy before, let alone a boyfriend. Your dad was always easy, as long as it had alcohol tied to it but this was different. Christmas was literally a few days away and it was bad enough your paycheck lined up at the worse timing. Plus being a new employee, you weren't eligible for holiday pay so you were pretty broke.

You left the store with nothing once again and you felt desperate by this point. It was too late to order anything online and the stores had shit. Now what?

"What's wrong?" Your sister looked at you as plopped on her couch.

"I don't know what to get Jungkook."

"Oh, first Christmas having a serious boyfriend." She sat down next to you. "What is he into?"

"There's a few different things I thought he would like but I'm not sure."

"You're over thinking it. Guys are happy with whatever." She laughed. "Clothes, candy, video games. They're pretty simple."

You just looked at her as she didn't make you feel better. "He's a nice guy (Y/N) I'm sure he'll like whatever you give him. Christmas isn't just about presents you know." She started walking away, leaving you alone in your thoughts.

As you looked up ideas on pinterest, the dots started connecting together of different cute ways to put together a gift. You placed the key in the ignition, ready to go back to the store for the 5th time now, until a text lit up your dark car, causing a blinding light.

From Kookie: 7:48PM Hey, whatya doin'

To Kookie: 7:48PM nm, just leaving my sisters

From Kookie: 7:49PM You want to come over? I ordered food ;)

To Kookie: 7:49PM Be right there :)

You sighed as you began to take off. You didn't mind going over to his house but you only had 2 more days to get his Christmas gift together and you already had plans tomorrow with your mother since you were spending Christmas eve with Jungkook's family.

Once you got to his apartment you let yourself in since he never bothered to lock the door and snuck around to him doing the dishes. You could tell he was trying to clean up the place before you got there, causing you blush.

You but your bag in the counter causing to twitch in fear and turning around to you with a big grin on your face.

"You scared the shit out of me." He said breaking into a smile.

"Boo." You looked around his apartment. "Wow, your place is so clean." You couldn't help but smirk causing him to bite his lip like he didn't know what you were talking about.

"It usually is, you just caught me on a bad day last time." He dried his hands.

"Sure."

"So I have something you probably don't want to hear." He began and your smile slowly washed off your face. "My mom is very protective and traditional.....and she's very excited about meeting you and all but...."

"What?" You grew impatient.

"She said you have to sleep in the guest room while I take my old room." He became unsettled from your silence. "I'm sorry, she thinks because we aren't married we shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed yet."

"Trust me I know. It's bad enough that you won't know anybody and I understand-"

"It's no big deal." You slipped out a smile even though it did hurt a little. You understood that you were practically a stranger to his mother so trust wasn't there yet but obviously she cares about her son and you couldn't argue that.

"It is. I mean we've slept in the same bed before, sex or not. She's being ridiculous."

"You're her baby, she's looking out for you." You teased.

"It's not funny (Y/N). I don't want you to be uncomfortable." He folded his arms.

"I get the room all to myself?"

"Well, Yeah. My aunt and uncle are taking the basement bed room, while my grandparents take my brothers room, and my brother and I are sleeping in my room." He was basically pouting. "At least my little cousins are staying downstairs because they wake up really early."

"So you will be the one that's uncomfortable, not me."

"Yeah. My brother snores."

You couldn't help but laugh at the poor baby as you wrapped your arms around him bringing him into your embrace. "It's one night right? It will be fine."

He smiled bringing his lips towards yours longer then expected that once you pulled away he groaned in frustration. "Where's our food?"

"It's on its way." He said pulling you back in. You felt his cold hands circle your hips, gently tugging the soft material above your waist. As the kids got more intense, Jungkook trailed his fingers all the way down until he was able to lift your thigh, causing you to sit on the counter comfortably.

He placed himself between your legs naturally as the air got thinner and thinner. You felt your breath tighten, causing you to pull away but before he could continue, nothing but a simple knock to ruin the mood.

"Yay, food." You smiled hoping off the counter to retrieve the door.

....

"I'm confused." He started as you both were basked into the marvel universe. "She just shot her past self, wouldn't that mean she would be dead in the present."

"Any movies involving time travel makes sense." You laughed sipping your soda.

You looked at the time noticing it was already 11:00. "I'm sorry Jungkook, but I need to get home."

"But baby it's cold outside." He started to sing causing you to arch your eyebrows with a smirk. "I can drive you in the morning."

"We will be together all weekend long." You reminded.

"I know." He pouted.

You pulled on your coat and grabbed your bag. "I will see you later." You kissed him goodbye.

"Text me you get home okay." The little things he said to you always warmed your heart the most.

-

The day with your family was nice and chaotic at the same time. It started off as a nice Christmas brunch followed by pictures with Santa for the kids but the only thing that was floating through your mind was when you can escape to go shopping. You were on the debate to just go last night but it was a quarter to midnight when you left. You just hoped that some window opportunity would allow you to shop today but it was no luck.

Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and all the shops were closing early and Jungkook was picking you up around 3 so you would make it to his family in time for dinner. How did it come to this? You were wasting time.

"Where are you going, don't you have to pack?" Your mother asked as you were about to leave the house.

"I'm only staying one night, plus I need to go shopping real quick it's an emergency."

"Okay. The stores might be crazy." She warned.

And like always, your mother was right as the store flooded with people as they did their last minute Christmas shopping.

But you were just as guilty as you placed random cute little things in your cart for your basket idea. You had his favorite candies, sweets, and cozy socks and sweat pants to put together his own personal lazy video game emergency basket.

You wondered towards the video games once again as you saw a game being displayed as a new release that wasn't there yesterday.

Reading the title in your head over and over again, sounded familiar enough to get you excited that you grabbed the $60 game and purchased it as fast as you could.

You were pretty happy with your gift overall but the game was the highlight of it and you couldn't wait to give it to him. You got back home and put everything together and wrapped up the game separately placing it on top of the box.

Jungkooks family was doing Christmas presents tonight so you decided to just bring the game alone as his gift and give him the rest to him on Christmas Day.

You couldn't help but feel nervous as you were closer and closer to meeting his family for the first time. You had to impress them or they wouldn't welcome you into their family. Jungkook told you that he already talked about you to his mother many times and she's beyond excited to meet you.

You didn't know how far he moved away from his family. 3 hours was a pretty long drive. "After school I just figured I stay."

"It's so beautiful over here, quiet."

"We're here." He said those words that got your heart beating once again.

"They're going to love you." He kisses your forehead and helped you out of the car. It was dark already and the house was light up beautiful. Jungkook carries your small duffel bag like the gentleman he is and rang the door bell.

The door opened, revealing a young man about Jungkooks height and pulled him into a bear hug. "This is (Y/N) my girlfriend."

"Hello Jungkook's girlfriend. I'm Junghyun, Jungkook's older brother."

"Hi." You said shyly.

"Come on, it's freezing out there." He opened the door wider and let you both in. Jungkook places your bags on the bottom of the steps temporarily to introduce you to everyone.

You couldn't believe how welcoming his family was. Hug after hug and the compliments were unnecessary. His mother was last since she was making dinner and once she saw you her face brightened up with a huge smile.

"It's so nice to meet you dear." Another warm hug.

"I'm going to show her the guest room." Jungkook spoke.

"Did you explain-"

"Yes mom, we know the rules." He rolled his eyes teasing and you just smiled that you understood.

"You are still the baby of this family." She said hitting him with a dish towel.

"As five other kids are running around out there." He laughed. "Come on." He held your hand as he led you upstairs. The guest room was pretty small but extremely cute and cozy.

"All too myself? Really?"

"Yeah." He placed your bag on the bed. "I might sneak in here after my parent go to bed because I won't get any sleep."

"I'm okay with that." You brushed your hair behind your ear. "Can I see your room?"

"Why?" He said nervously.

"I want to see teenage Jungkook." You smirked.

"It's a typical boys room, if my parents haven't touched it yet."

"Then let's find out." You grabbed his hand leaving the room and waited for him to show you the next.

He opened the door slowly and saw most of his old things in their but the place was all cleaned up. He had Big Bang posters on the wall along with different anime posters.

"Cute room." You said looking around the room.

"Okay, we should go back downstairs now." Jungkook blushed and spoke nervously.

"You embarrassed of your room? Have you never brought a girl in here before?" You asked.

"No actually." He said causing you to giggle.

"Hey you better not be doing things in here." A voice cut you off as Jungkook's brother stepped inside going to his bag that was placed on top of the cot.

"I'm just showing (Y/N) my room." Jungkook spoke.

"Sure." He laughed. "Mom wants to talk with (Y/N)."

You looked at him timidly.

"Don't worry, its nothing bad."

...

"Hi dear. Jungkook said you used to work in a bakery, as a cake decorator?"

"Oh yeah, a few years ago actually."

"You don't do it anymore?" Jungkook's mom showed interest.

"More like a hobby now."

"May I see your skills?" She asked as she had a mixing bowl ready.

You enjoyed Mrs. Jeon company, along with his grandmother. They were very sweet and interested in your well being. Like you were already apart of the family.

"You are amazing dear. You should make this your career." They said staring at your beautifully decorated cake.

"Thank you." You blushed shyly.

...

The rest of night went faster then you expected. Between Jungkook and his brother fighting over little things, the kids screaming and running around the house, and the fantastic dinner that was gone in seconds that tasted heavenly.

It was right before the end of the night and you couldn't believe you were even nervous about it. The presents were finally being shared and you couldn't wait to give Jungkook his first part of his gift.

The best part of the gifts was that between his parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncles, you had enough gift cards for plenty more dates yet to come.

"I want to give you your present later." Jungkook whispered in your ear and you just nodded in approval.

"Here's one more for you JK, I saw it and had to get it for you." His brother handed him a small thin wrapped gift.

It didn't take long until that thin layer of paper was ripped away and Jungkook's eyes stared at the gift with excitement causing your stomach to drop. It was the video game he wanted and the same one you happened to buy earlier.

Your face grew pale as the tears were glossing your eyes, wanting to come out, but you just hid it with a simply smile. Now you had nothing to give him tonight.

"Thank you." They hugged as you sat there awkwardly.

"Alright time for bed." His aunt had said causing the kids to groan.

Jungkook led you up to the guest room but left you alone for a second and came back with a small box. "Okay so I was thinking for a wh-"

"Jungkook bed time." His mother said from the hallway.

"But I want to give (Y/N) her-"

"Your mother's right Jungkook. You still need to brush your teeth." You teased.

He walked over to his mother quickly and came back as soft words were exchanged. "Five minutes." His mother said and left you two alone.

"I got you-"

"How about we wait until tomorrow." You said rushed cutting him off again.

"But I can't wait." He pouted and you grew silent. "Look, I know we've only been dating two months but you're really special to me-"

You felt your breathing stop as he began.

"(Y/N) you okay?" He asked. "You look pale."

"Jungkook I don't want you to give me anything."

"Why not?" He looked disappointed.

"Because I didn't get you anything." You looked down avoiding his eyes.

"I don't care about gifts (Y/N), Christmas or not. I got you something because I love you." He said it! You couldn't believe he actually said it.

Your lip trembled as the held back tears finally washed out, already ruining your makeup. You covered you face with your hands and turned around to avoid him as best as you could but it was no use. You felt him tug your hands away and lift your chin up. He smiled wiping your cheeks as you still avoided eye contact.

"Are these good tears of bad tears?" He asked but you couldn't even speak. He pulled you into his chest, your tears already sticking to the soft material.

"I hope this means you love me too." All you could do was nod your head against his chest. Once you felt your tears were done you leaned away and cleaned your face with your sleeves. You reached in your bag giving him the gift that he already received and sat on the bed patiently. Jungkook looked at your confused as he stared between you and the gift.

"Your brother ruined my gift." You pouted and Jungkook's face lit up amused.

He opened the gift and grew excited like it didn't matter. "I like yours better."

"You're hilarious." Your voice was still all groggy from your outburst.

"I mean it."

"Why's that?"

"Because you wrapped it." He said and you smacked him playfully.

"I got you a little more but I wanted you to open it on Christmas Day. The gifts were suppose to be connected."

"It's no big deal (Y/N), I'll return his."

"Not mine?"

"No." He smiled and leaned in bringing his lips towards yours. Before you could enjoy it more he pulled out the box that he tried to give you now for the third time. "Please open my gift now."

You took the small box and opened it as another small jewelry case was revealed. "You better not have spent a fortune on this." You began and continued lifting up the heavy case. It was a silver bracelet with one charm hanging off the side, shaped as a heart and diamonds engraved along with your initials. You eyes grew wide as you picked it up.

"This is beautiful. You shouldn't have." You said not believing he did such a thing.

"Don't worry about the price. I have connections." He said causing you to laugh.

"Why?"

"Like I said before. If I can feel this way about someone in two months, it's meant to be." He said causing your heart to swell.

You pulled him into another passionate kiss once again but it was cut off from a simple knock. "Good night (Y/N)." He got up following his mother out of the room.

His mother smiled at you and held her hand over her heart as she shut the door. He was too good to be true, you were convinced this was all a dream.

....

Before the night could officially end, you heard the door open quietly causing you to look across the room as the only light was lingering off the digital clock.

"Couldn't sleep?" You asked followed by a yawn as Jungkook made his way into your bed.

"Technically no because of Junghyun but I rather sleep with you. I'll just sneak out in the morning." He spoke cuddling next to you.

"Were you asleep?" You heard his soft voice behind you, giving you shivers.

"No, I was thinking about you actually."

"Really?" He asked and you turned around face to face.

"I was thinking that I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have a boyfriend like you." The room was pretty dark but you could just tell he was blushing.

You felt his hand brush against your hip bringing you closer until there was no more room left in the middle. His soft lips caressed yours gently, taking your breath away.

He moved forward, suddenly towering over you as the kiss deepened. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he stopped to take off his shirt. It wasn't long after that you knew where this was going and you both rushed to take off the warm layers in-between you. He worked his way up your neck, marking every inch of your body his as you dragged down his boxers taking a hold of him. You felt him harden the more you jerked your hand back and fourth. You guided him down, using your juices as lubricant before pushing it in.

You bit your lip from the sudden tightness causing Jungkook to move slowly, loosening you up before picking up the pace. When he finally gotten to a speed you enjoyed, the bed squeaked, stopping you abruptly with concern. Jungkook changed positions making his way behind you instead and lifted up your leg to regain control. The bed still squeaked but not enough to worry and began to pick up the pace once again.

You moaned softly as the pleasure built up quickly as Jungkook leaned forward kissing you shoulder softly. You were getting weaker by the second as you could explode at any second. You knew Jungkook was as well from his change in movement. He thrusted slowly but deep until you felt him release causing you to do as well. The only noise was the both of you trying to regain your breath.

Once he pulled out, you turned back around snuggle against his chest more comfortably. "Good night (Y/N)." He softly whispered and before you know it you were asleep.

-

The next morning, Jungkook was gone as expected and it amused you how you got away with it. "Morning." Jungkook kissed you as soon as you entered the kitchen.

"How was your sleep dear?" Jungkook's mother asked as you took a seat.

"Great, thank you. That bed is so comfortable."

"I had a horrible night actually." Jungkook began teasing. "Junghyun sounded like he was dying."

"I don't even snore."

"You do." They fought and Jungkook's mother just laughed with you.

....

"Okay So, this next gift isn't anything big but I thought you would like it." You gave him the basket.

"(Y/N)." He smiled as he went through all the candy and clothing.

"It's a lazy gamer basket." You giggled. "For days you just want to sit down and play video games all day."

"I love it, thank you. But you're gonna have to help me eat all this candy."

"Of course."

"When do you want to go over to your moms?" Jungkook asked you made plans for a Christmas dinner.

"In a few hours." You said shrugging.

"Okay good. I can give you your second gift." He began and you grew confused.

"What's that?"

He picked you up in a bridal position and carried you to his bed room.

Merry Christmas!!!!

#bts one shot #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts imagines #bangtan fanfic #bangtan smut #bangtan scenarios #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook one shot #jungkook imagines

[alchemist-shizun]

have you ever do coming out? how it was?

I did, and let me tell you, I'm really really lucky, even if not every one of them was a good experience.

I've only fully come out to my other LGBT+ friends, online or irl, who are of course very accepting of everything.

I've come out about my sexuality only (the one I identified with at the time, which actually I realized wasn't for me this year) to a very few number of irl non lgbt+ friends in different occasions, it went really well in both, one quite literally made me feel like it was the most normal thing in the world since I was telling a story and he was completely unfazed when I mentioned I had a gf. The other two were really happy I could open up and trust them and were really supportive and would always ask me how it went with the girl I was with at the time. (these two were around 2018)

Then my family. Well.

This one's a little complicated because it's not that they hate me or kicked me out or anything I just kinda.. Feel like they don't care. And it's the type where you would be scared to bring up anything about the community because you're convinced they wouldn't care nor want to know anything. It's the type of "as long as you don't bother me I don't mind." which is the type of mindset my dad has a lot in regards to my sister's bf (just fyi, she's 21 and he's 23 so like... Wow thanks. Sometimes I feel bad for how he treats her about her bf.)

So when I came out about my sexuality to my mum, she was fine with it, we just talked about some lighthearted stuff.

Then she asked me something where I made a huge mistake, she said "do you want me to tell dad for you?" and I said yes, since I'm too scared. Well in hindsight I should've kept my mouth shut about it: see basically at the time I had an online girlfriend who was a couple of years older than me, and I mentioned that to mum, and basically when my dad confronted me, he did it in the worst way possible.

He was mad I was in a relationship with this person and he claimed she promised me something out of it?? Like I was with her only because of something and not because we liked each other. He hated (I think he still does, softened up a bit because my sister has had a long distance bf for 1 year) internet friendships or relationships and my mum lowkey did too because she kept saying how basically it's not real because it's all digital and digital life isn't real. (this really upsets me because what, then you would excuse cyber bullying with that type of reasoning? But whatever, not the topic)

So he was really mad at me and demanded he looked through my phone, to which I couldn't say no or else he would think I was hiding something (and anyway, if I said no he would've done it anyway), and he started looking through the entire chat (and other ones with my friends) and read thousands of texts.

Now at the time I had only said I liked both boys and girls cause I know the concept of nonbinary is already too complicated for them to understand and unfortunately my dad came across the label pansexual (since the gf at the time was pan), I explained it to him and he just said I read too many things on the internet.

Imagine how hurt I was because that was actually how I used to identify back then.

Things escalated during those months, everytime he got mad at me, he would randomly take my phone and read conversations I had with this girl and he would comment on them just because and make me feel even worse, he basically hated her and lowkey hated the fact that I was with her.

The worst thing was that I sadly vented to her about him sometimes and he would basically prohibit me to vent and that's how I ended up deleting every single vent moment I had right after we talked. Years later I come to know that my sister had actually access to my chatting app and would tell my dad what we said, which is why he told me back then "I know you're deleting texts".

My mum wanted to send me to therapy because she didn't understand a single thing of what I said when I said I wasn't sure whether I liked boys girls AND more or just boys and girls. She thought I meant I didn't know if I was straight or not, I meant I didn't know if I was bi or pan, which is why I never mentioned gender identities to them and why I am closeted about me being nonbinary to them. (btw this was the understanding of the difference between bi and pan at the time, I was 15, I now know it's more complicated than that.)

About my sister, she came to know in the worst way possible too. For some reason I was afraid she would be homophobic and after I told mum, there was this one time I was at a restaurant with family friends and my cousins, aunt and uncle.

May I say I was sitting right between my cousin and my sister and in front of my aunt.

Unprompted, she asks me if I'm gay, but like she used this Italian phrase that I really don't like much, since it's usually used to make jokes by straight people about someone being gay.

I was there like GOD FUCKING DAMN IT we're LITERALLY next to our cousin and aunt COULD U SAY THAT LOWER. I told her I wasn't straight and, I don't remember much really, but she was offended I didn't tell her first. Like, wow, okay, coming out is difficult as fuck, but go on, be offended.

I had to go to the bathroom right after because I had an anxiety attack.

After things quieted down with my parents (as in my dad wasn't taking my phone as much), things started escalating with the girl I was with, she assumed a rather toxic behavior and I ended up dumping her.

Can still remember how my sister told me dad had said "thank goodness" when he learnt I wasn't with that girl anymore.

How also my mum said "cmon maybe next time you'll get a boyfriend". Wonderful comfort mum yes I already had a bf before, he dumped me one month after because he liked someone else not sure I want to try the experience again!! :)

Anyway, this is the reason why I do not talk about my relationships to my parents anymore. I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years and my dad knew nothing. My sister did because she actually grew a little bit better about this stuff (she's the embarrassing questions type, but at least she's not a bitch) and my mum knew around 6 months in, because she asked and we were alone. (I still think she thinks I'm a lesbian)

Also the reason why, when I got a pride flag while on school journey in the UK, I hid it in my drawer. And the reason why I'm terrified of asking of going to pride.

As of now, I have a lovely partner and yes, my entire family absolutely doesn't know and will not know if not strictly necessary. Maybe I will tell my sister, I was thinking about it, because that could probably make some personal stuff less difficult to do.

See, technically it's not that bad now, we just never bring it up at all and I never think about the clusterfuck of things that happened in 2016.

#long post #purp and anons #panphobia #coming out story #tw bad parents #tw toxic relationship

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

—:: Who ::—

… was the last person you saw face to face?

My mom.

… was the last person you texted or messaged online? My aunt.

… was the last person who asked you for a favour? My mom earlier.

… was the last person you lent something to? I don’t recall.

… was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Probably my aunt.

… is the tallest person you know? My brother.

… the shortest person you know? Me, ha.

… your oldest (in years) friend? I don’t have any friends.

… is the oldest (in length of time) friend? --

… is your youngest friend? --

… is your newest friend? --

… is your closest relative? My mom and brother.

… was your favourite teacher? My 4th, who also ended up being my 8th, grade teacher.

… was your least favourite teacher? These two math professors I had at community college. They were really rude.

… did you spend the most time with when growing up? My parents, cousins, and grandparents.

… knows you the best? My mom. And ya’ll, ha.

… always beats you in games or sports? I don’t do a lot of competitive stuff, but let’s be real everyone would probably beat me cause I suck at everything.

… who is the most creative of the people you know? I have a few artistic and creative family members. I sadly did not get the gene.

… is the funniest person you know? My brother.

… is the most organised that you know? One of my aunts.

… that you know has travelled the most? My paternal grandparents and one of my uncles.

… has always been there for you? My family, especially my mom.

… has given you the most personal gift? What’s a personal gift, exactly?

… has an annoying laugh? *shrug*

… never forgets a birthday? I think I’m pretty good about that.

… do you live with? My parents, brother, and doggo.

…,do you have the most in common with? My mom and brother.

…is the sportiest person you know? My dad.

…was your last missed call? A spam call.

…did you last open your door for? Delivery person.

… has your heart? Me.

…do you share a special song with? No one.

…do you miss right now? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away.

…last made you angry? Not sure about a who, but situations and circumstances lately have.

…did you last buy a gift for? My dad for Father’s Day.

…did you celebrate your last birthday with? My parents and brother.

…have you gone to a concert with? A former friend.

…can make you laugh? My family.

…has taught you how to do something? Teachers.

…has lost something of yours? Hmm.

…has broke your heart? A couple of people.

…has stood you up? Joseph.

:: What ::

...I

s your favourite colour?

...Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, yellow.

...Can you do that most your friends can’t? ---

...Is your birthday? July 28th, mark your calendars. 

...Colour eyes do you have? Brown.

...Form of transport do you take to work/school? I don’t work/done with school.

...Music do you like to listen to in the car? My parents and brother each play their Spotify playlists in their cars, so I hear whoever’s playlist of the car I’m in.

...Languages can you speak? I’m only fluent in English, but I know a little Spanish. ...Was the last thing you drank? Water.

...Was the last thing you ate? 4 over-easy eggs, loaded hash browns (shredded cheese, country gravy, and onions), and toast with strawberry jam from Denny’s.

...Time did you wake up this morning? Around 8.

...Colour are your bedroom walls? White.

...Drink do you usually order when eating out? Coffee.

..Food can you cook well? Just ramen.

...Animals have you had for a pet? Doggos, fish, and a couple of hamsters.

...Are your initials? ---

...Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I don’t do anything different.

...Movie do you know line by line? There’s a few.

...Band(s) have you seen in concert? I’ve seen several.

...Do you buy/get to treat yourself? Depends what I want.

...Colours your phone cover? It’s a clear one.

...Part of the world would you love to visit? I’d love to be able to travel all over.

...Subject were you good at in school? English.

...Careers do your parents have? My mom works at Walgreens and my dad works at a car repair shop.

...Brand of clothing do you buy most often? Most of my clothes are from Boxlunch, Hot Topic, and Kohl’s. 

...Chocolate bar is your favourite? White chocolate.

...TV show have you watched every series of? There’s a ton.

...Radio station do you listen to the most? I haven’t listened to the radio for like 4-5 years now.

...Podcasts are you subscribed to? None.

...Is your favourite dessert? Milkshakes, ice cream, brownies, cheesecake, cookies, cupcakes, donuts, muffins.

...Can’t you do that most around you seem to? >> Function. <<<

...Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? Someone I can confide in, someone that’s easy to be around, good listener, loyal, understanding.

...Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? Patient, understanding, caring, good sense of humor, loyal. 

...Size pizza do you usually order? It depends. If my family and I are all getting pizza, we usually get 2 mediums ad one of those are the toppings of my choosing and they’ll have some of that as well as the pizza of their choosing (I’m the picky one that’s why we get two, ha). If I’m just getting pizza then I’ll get a personal.

...Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I love Italian, Mexican, and Chinese food. I’m not a cook except for ramen.

...Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black.

...Toothpaste brand do you use? Sensodyne.

...Sounds can you hear right now? ASMR video, my fans, and the TV.

...Is the weather like today? It’s currently 90F.

...Are your plans for tomorrow? Just another day.

:: Where ::

...

Do you keep your phone when not using it?

It’s usually always near me somewhere.

...Were you born? California.

...Do you go to unwind? My bed. And the beach when I’m able, which isn’t often. :( I wish I lived near one cause I’d be there a lot.

...Is your best friend right now? Work.

...Can you go nearby to have a good time? My city is lame.

...Is the nearest restaurant? Not even a 5 minute drive from my house.

...Is the nearest beach? About 2 1/2 hours away.

...Did you meet your closest friend? --

...Did you go for your last vacation? I went to Disneyland last year and it ended up being right before the pandemic and lockdown stuff happened. Like literally two weeks before.

...Is the nearest mall or superstore? About a 10 minute drive.

...Did you last get an injury? I don’t remember.

...Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? I’ve stayed at nice hotels.

...Do most the local kids play? *shrug*

...Have you been with your family? Uhh, lots of places?

...Did you spend Christmas last year? At home.

...Did your parents grow up? My mom has lived here all her life and my dad moved around a bit coast to coast.

...Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? I'm not wearing shoes, but no I didn’t buy the pair I last wore.

...Would you like to go right now if you could? Somewhere with cool weather and a beach.

...Do you miss the most from your childhood? Being a kid.

...Is the best restaurant you know? Wingstop.

...Will you never go again as it was so bad? I haven’t had that bad of a restaurant experience.

:: When ::

was your last vacation? ...February of last year.

…did you graduate? I graduated UC in 2015.

…did you decide what career you wanted? My freshman year of high school. 

…did you have your first kiss? I was 16.

…did you learn how to swim? I haven’t.

…did you have your first relationship? 2005.

…did you meet your best friend? She’s my mo.

…do you feel the most at peace? At the beach is the closest I get to that.

…do you usually fall asleep? When the sun is almost rising or already has.

…do you usually wake up? Between like 9 and 12.

…did you last watch a movie? I saw A Quiet Place 2 a few weeks ago.

…did you last go to a party? A few weekends ago to my bro’s grad party.

…did you last cry? Yesterday. It’s a daily thing nowadays, at least once. Usually more.

…did you laugh really hard? I don’t remember. 

…did you buy something pricey last? For Mother’s Day.

…did you have an argument last? Recently.

…did you last have a sick day? All the time?

…did you last recieve a hug? The other day.

…when is your best friend’s birthday? September.

…did you learn how to drive? I haven’t.

…did you last receive a surprise? I received a bad, unexpected one recently.

:: How ::

Many pets do you have?

One.

Many houses have you lived in? A few.

Often do you shower? About every 2-3 days.

Well can you cook? I only cook ramen.

Many close friends do you have? None.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? I have two brothers.

Often do you go swimming? I don't.

Many times have you texted today? Zero.

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? A light brown with butter or jelly.

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? I like a packet or two of sweetener with my tea and flavored cream or cream and sugar with my coffee.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? Just chill and lowkey.

Are you feeling today? Hot and tired and meh.

Serious are you about your career goals? I’m not even doing anything in regards to that as of now. I have no idea what I want to do and I can’t put the time, energy, focus, or effort to figure it out at this time. I’m dealing with and focusing on my health and can’t work right now anyway.

Many bedrooms in your house? 2 bedrooms.

Did you do in your school exams? I did well.

Close do you live to your parents? I live with my parents.

Close do you live to your siblings? I live with my younger brother and my older brother doesn’t live far away.

Sensitive to criticism are you? I’m sensitive, but it’s definitely gotten worse in recent years.

Motivated to make changes are you? That’s something I’ve been struggling with and it’s certainly doing me no favors. :/

Creative are you (1-10): I missed the creative gene.

Hard working are you (1-10): Not very much at all anymore. :/

Sporty are you (1-10): Not at all. 

Musical are you (1-10): I don’t play any instruments. Do you prefer your eggs? Over-easy, scrambled, deviled, hard boiled.

Often do you go out to eat? I get takeout a lot. I just started going out to eat again recently, having been to Denny’s twice now in the past week. It’s a new tradition my mom and I are starting couple or so times a week when we go for a morning walk.

Would your best friend describe you? Meh.

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? It’s honestly better to just leave me alone.

Often do you meet up with your friends?  ---

Important is religion to you? My faith is very important to me.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? *shrug* I was a kid.

Old were you when you got your first pet? Like 3.

Tech savvy are you? Eh, I know some stuff.

Often do you cut your hair? It’s been over a year since the last time.

Often do you paint your nails? It’s been a few years since the last time. 

Many countries have you visited? Just one apart from my own.

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Two.

:: Why ::

… did you choose your username?

Cause I love me some surveys. ‘Nuff said.

… did you take this survey? I wanted to.

… did you choose the career you did? I don’t have one.

…did you last leave the house? My mom and I took our walk this morning and stopped to have breakfast along the way. 

…did you last give up on something? I gave up on myself in a lot of ways the past few years and I’ve paying for it.

…did you search the last thing you searched? I was looking up how many miles away something was for one of the questions.

…would you give up on someone completely? I did that easily with myself, but it would take a lot to do that with someone else.

:: If…::

You could live in any country which would you choose?

I’ll just stay here.

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? I like having doggos.

You could be famous for something what would you like? >> I don't want to be famous. <<<

You are sad, how do you combat it? >> I am sad almost all the time lately, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's not something to "combat", I'm not trying to be in a fucking battle with myself and I'm tired of that rhetoric. I just wish I was less sad. I can't be less sad. But I wish I could. <<< 

You can drive when did you learn? --

You could have any job what would it be? I don’t knowwww.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? Somewhere far away with a nice beach.

You could eat anything right now what would it be? I just put in my Doordash order for Wingstop.

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? Murder mystery/psychological thriller.

You had a theme song what would it be? *shrug*

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? Hmm.

You could act in any movie which would it be? No thanks.

You get married what venue would you like? I don’t want to get married.

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I don’t want kids.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? Spacious enough for 4 adults and a doggo, near a beach, hardwood floor, big backyard with patio deck, pizza oven, grill, deck, nice sitting and eating area, pool, and a balcony.

You could go back in time what would you change? I’d take better care of myself.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? Good, fun, memorable.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? I don’t know cause if it’s bad I don’t wanna know.

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money.

Meet anyone who no longer lives who’d you choose? Chester Bennington.

:: Can ::

… you ride a bike?

No.

… you ski? No.

… you bake a cake? >> I'm sure I could wing a box cake. <<< Yeah, that’s all I do. I’m not in there whipping stuff up from scratch.

… you sing well? Nope.

… you do your own taxes? >> I don't do taxes, I don't earn a taxable income. <<<

… you remain calm in a crisis? I tend to freak out.

… you do first aid? No.

… remember your best friend’s family members’ names? They’re my family, too.

… you fire a gun? I’ve only done it once when I went to a shooting range with some friends a few years ago. I didn’t want to do more than that.

… your parents drive? Yes.

…your best friend dance well? She doesn’t like to dance.

…you make people laugh easily? I don’t think I’m funny. I’ll have my moments now and then and I own that shit when it happens haha but it’s at random.

…stand up for yourself? I’m not great a that. I’m too shy, too awkward, suck at expressing myself, and don’t like confrontation.

…you do a martial art? No.

:: Would ::

You like to learn a new language?

I’d like to be fluent in Spanish. I only know some.

Save the life of a stray animal? If I could help in some way.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? >> Not entirely, because I've never lived in a hurricane-prone area. <<< Me either, thankfully.

Try a new cuisine? If it sounded good to me. I’m very picky and particular with food.

Risk your life for anyone? My loved ones.

You like to get back in touch with someone? Ideally, but it’s not ideal right now.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? I don’t drive so I wouldn’t be any help. I could call them an Uber, though.

You Know how to perform CPR? No.

You likely win in a game of chess? Nope, I don’t even know how to play.

You stop talking for a day for $100? Yeah.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #categories #long survey

[parvuls]

ratg author notes

a collection of thoughts, tidbits of info and further comments under the cut.

@taohtd​ is the queen who fixed my french. i owe her a firstborn.

things that canonically happen at madison: the dinner with the bittles; the fireworks show; jack’s camera. the boys “begin seeing each other” but do not DTR, and also “kiss a bunch and such”.

things that canonically happen during the august providence visit: becoming officially boyfriends, saying ‘i love you’, having anal sex (huddle 3, semi-canon), which i take to mean things of a sexual nature already happened at madison.

all of the spots mentioned in this fic are real spots. google maps and i were real tight during the writing of this fic. all mentioned events also happened in reality/in canon, i tweaked so very little as to remain as canon-compliant as i could.

on that note, ngozi announced that she will be releasing a canon version of the madison visit sometime this/next year. the entire fic will be jossed at that point, i’m sure, but oh what a way to go 🤗

madison really do their fireworks at heritage park on the third of july. 

this fandom really is large enough for someone to know someone from madison and get them hooked on the comic. where is that person, i’d like to know.

the town map with in-fic locations:

the spot jack and bitty watch the fireworks from is, as far as i could gather, not private property and isn’t really gated. either way, it’s very far removed. the tree in the middle of the field is my headcanon for the famous fireworks tree. 

the main principles that led me to the creation of this fic were: 

1) separating for a month and a half after kissing with literally no warning is a recipe for awkwardness and miscommunication. all the fics where jack texts bitty like ‘ha ha i’m in love with you’ and bitty is like ‘aw we’re dating now!’ are optimistic lies. if anyone watched bones, i kinda felt like the 2015 summer gap between year 2 and 3 was like the gap between seasons after bones found out she’s pregnant. like, yeah, you showed me that they got together... but how did this happen? people don’t get together by just kissing. they gotta talk. and jack and bitty, at that point, were not the best at talking honestly. thus the idea that they weren’t actually dating over most of the summer was born.

2) i’ve read so many 2015 summer fics and, obvs, in all of them jack sleeps with bitty in the bed. but in all of them they also... sleep? and like. i just wanted one fic in which they don’t actually sleep at all. this has been my experience with sharing a bed with the people i was secretly in love with for a year, idk about you. my brain was all like HFDSJI;FMJKSKH WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD. it’s not very conducive for sleeping. also, suddenly you feel very free to talk about all the shit you kept for yourself.

bitty’s family headcanon! moomaw is suzanne’s mother. judy is suzanne’s younger sister, her husband’s name is dave, and they have three children, sarah (17), anna may (15), and sean (12). connie is coach’s older sister, her husband’s name is jim, and their four children are tammy (25), aiden (22), allison (20), and seth (18). both suzanne and coach have more siblings than that. 

jack, lord bless him, does his best, but he’s sleep deprived and overheated and overwhelmed, so he definitely does not remember everyone’s names. 

aiden and allison are closest to bitty’s in age but are his least favorite cousins. aiden is a dick and allison could not care less for her extended family.

jack’s train of thought during words with friends inspired this post.

i most sincerely hope that this fic achieved even 40% of what i set out to do. come to my askbox to talk about anything you want!!!

#omgcp #THIS IS. THE LAST POST ABOUT THIS FIC. OH MY GOD. #That 2015 Summer Fic #what a journey ladies and gents and literally everyone else

[aerialflight]

Ichigo for the five headcanons thing!

1. The whole ‘waking up in the morning training routine’ was formed at Ichigo’s request to Isshin. Not specifically, but more like, wanting to be ready for the unexpected and to train in a way where he’s always prepared. So Isshin, on his own, started to fly through hallways and out of doors to surprise attack him. Never in a way that could seriously hurt him, but to prepare him for the outside world that won’t be as kind in its unexpectedness. And by this point, Ichigo doesn’t need such training, but it’s so integrated into their interactions that it’s a part of both their days. Ichigo dodging and battling Isshin is a sign that he’s grown, he’s not weak anymore, and that’s a comfort and reassurance they both need to get through the day.

2. I don’t know why, but I keep thinking Ichigo’s mom has a thing for 80′s music. I have a repeating scene in my head of Masaki vacuuming with the music turned up, playing Tina Turner’s “Rolling on the river” song. And considering Masaki was apparently a wild child and somewhat of a rebel, I completely believe she loved rock music like AC/DC or Zeppelin. So Ichigo has a fondness for 80′s music because of Masaki and his playlist is like chock full of English songs, which is why he could be fluent in the language too. And why he is a big fan of Shakespeare, which is canon btw. I headcanon he reads it in English cause he wants to read it in the original text. Also, Ichigo isn’t a fan of Japanese bands, thus explaining why in canon he is so clueless to what Keigo talks about when he goes on about that boy band.

So when I see those posters of Ichigo wearing those giant headphones, all I can think about is, “wonder what 80′s song he’s listening to now.” Maybe Ichigo dances along to Michael Jackson, who knows. I would kill to see that happen though.

3. Ichigo does not give one fuck about fashion or anything of the sort. The reason why he looks so cool or colorful at times on the posters or even in canon is the fault of his sisters. Yuzu does it cause she likes shopping and shopping for others and Ichigo lets her drag him into department stores to try some clothes on and since Ichigo is a good brother and wants to make her happy, he’ll actually wear the clothes cause it would be such a waste if he didn’t. Karin, on the other hand, tags along cause she just finds it absolutely hilarious how people react to a well-dressed Ichigo. Or how there are some days where Ichigo dresses like a punk, which Ichigo has a preference over, but then there are days he dresses preppy, or in pastel colors, and people short-circuit when he does. He suddenly looks softer, though the scowl kind of ruins it but still. There are reactions.

When Ichigo wore a suit for a wedding (don’t ask whose, cause I honestly have no idea and lets leave it hypothetical), everybody collectively loses their minds. Karin took pictures and Yuzu made a scrapbook out of people’s reactions to a suit-wearing Ichigo. Urahara looks a little wide-eyed, Isshin is actually quiet for once cause he’s struck by how grown-up his son looks and he’s so proud of the man he’s become that he’s actually becoming teary-eyed and it’s not because of the wedding at all. Rukia looks torn between teasing Ichigo and going hot damn on her best friend. Ishida chokes on his drink and Chad gives a thumbs up. Orihime can’t stop blushing for the life of her, this is like a dream come true.

Yeah, Ichigo dressing up nice would probably be the death of everyone who knows him. And he won’t even know it. Cue Karin & Yuzu fist-bumping.

4. It takes a lot to get Ichigo drunk. Blame it on the Shiba genes, but Ichigo could literally drink anyone under the table but he just chooses not to participate. Sees it as a waste of time and doesn’t understand why people would do it to themselves. But when he IS drunk, oh boy. He’ll become this righteous, angry ranter who will punch anyone who acts unacceptable in his eye. Sees a guy harassing a girl? He punches him so hard he flies across the room. Sees someone getting robbed? It doesn’t matter that he’s drunk, he’s still more coordinated than you, that’s for sure. Make a kid cry? Dead. Ichigo needs a handler when he’s like this, otherwise, he’ll probably run amok in the city, a drunk vigilante mostly successful in getting rid of the scum of the Earth.

5. Ichigo is aro/asexual. He doesn’t get the hype about romance and is baffled by it? When the thinks of romance, he sees his dad’s fanatical love for Masaki and while that can be seen as sweet, Ichigo doesn’t get it. He just needs his friends, his family, and he’ll be happy for life. He wrinkles his nose when classmates talk about girls or idols, and he just doesn’t understand. Then he meets Rukia, and people start insinuating they like each other and Ichigo scoffs at the very idea. Orihime, when she finally confesses, confuses the hell out of Ichigo and thinking about her in that way just doesn’t compute to him so he declines. Then Ichigo thinks maybe he’s gay? But then, he never thought of guys like that either, and most of the guys he knows are so damn weird (cough shinigamis cough) so nah, no way. Ishida and Chad are people he knows he can rely on and trust, but like, just thinking about Chad in that context is too damn weird. And Ishida is his cousin, just no. Even if he did get past that, they would probably kill each other in the end.

But then, it’s Byakuya of all people who explain to him what it means to find the better half of yourself. They’re your partner, the noble explains while thinking of Hisana. Someone who you wish to protect and would be by your side through every hardship you go through. Someone who you’ll cherish and die for in a heartbeat. Someone who you entrust your heart to and know they’ll never break it.

Ichigo is quiet for a minute before finally concluding, “so like a best friend?” and Byakuya actually looks amused by his revelation. “Yes, one could say so.” he replies. And Ichigo feels a bit more at ease and finally realizes, he doesn’t need a girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever, cause all the points Byakuya made can be applied to everyone in Ichigo’s life. So Ichigo goes through life, without getting together with anyone and is perfectly happy with it. The end.

#Ask #rikkamaru #Bleach #Kurosaki Ichigo #Headcanon #aerial headcanons

[llamamicrowave]

My Big Family on AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871098/chapters/62862025

Summary:

Jojo sibling AU Stands still exits. Jonathan has a slightly stronger version of hermit purple. And to compensate for such a weak stand he and Joseph learned Hamon. Johnny and Gappy are their cousins who live in America. Ships in tags

Notes:

Pure cringe. Beware..

Chapter 1

School Sux PT.1Chapter Text

Ships (Minor but exist)

-JonaErina (The only important one)

-Joseph x Suzi Q x Ceaser (Leave me alone)

-JotaKak

-Very minor GioTrish

-Jolyne x Ermes

-GyJo

Jonathan POV

Hi! My name is Jonathan Joestar! A little about my self? Well, I'm 26, I have 4 younger siblings that I take care of since my father is always working. But it's fine I love taking care of them! I have a girlfriend, her name is Erina Pendleton and I'm planning to propose to her soon! Please don't tell her that, or any of my bothers, I don't want them to roast me for being a softy again.

Even though I am the oldest I can't be there some times, so when I'm not there my brother Joseph is in charge. But Joseph sometimes can be... How can I say this without sounding rude? Stupid? Immature? Idiotic? Well, yes to all of those.

Since Joseph can be a bit dumb at times, dad gives responsibly to Jotaro. He's pretty chill but sometimes can come off as rude. It's all a fake though, he loves marine life (especially dolphins lol) and when he was ten he told me he wanted to be a Marine Biologist! So in short, he's a dork.

Then there's Josuke and Jolyne the twins. There the youngest in the family. Josuke is the oldest by a few minutes. He's a goofball but can be serious if needed. Like if someone insults his hair he could go as some might say, Apeshit.

Jolyne, our only sister. Her personality is much like Jotaro. She just says whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I can't really say much about her since I'm being blackmailed by her and Jotaro. They're so alike it's scary.

I know I said I only had 4 siblings but there's another I didn't mention. 3 years before Joseph was born my father adopted a "friend" of his's son, Dio Brando. Dio was, excuse my language, a dick ever since we were kids. He ran over my dog Danny with one of his "friends" cars. As soon as Dio turned 18 he moved to Italy to become a lawyer. But that wasn't the last time I saw him.

While in Italy Dio, had a child with a woman he didn't even know. That woman neglected her son and allowed her husband to abuse him.

"She would leave days at a time and leave little food for him." I looked at the toddler sleeping in his arms, he had black hair and a cute bowl cut. "He's only a kid, he can't survive like that," Dio said to me.

"..."

"I can't let him have the same childhood as me." he looked dead into my eyes. I finally understood where he was coming from torturing me all these years.

"..." I stayed quiet.

"But I'm not taking care of this kid."

And now he lives with us! His name is Giorno Giovanna-Brando-Joestar. He is only a year younger then Josuke and Jolnye. And that's my family!

And remember when I said my dad works a lot, that was a lie...

He died on Jotaro's 11th birthday. He and my stepmother were hit by a drunk driver. Jotaro blames himself for the crash. It's not his fault though, he had no control over it. He was only a kid. I'm sorry to drop this on you now but with my father's death made me like a father figure to them. Dad would be proud.

Ages,

Jonathan- 26

Johnny- 22

Joseph- 20

Jo2uke- 19

Jotaro- 17

Josuke- 16

Jolyne- 16

Giorno- 15

Narrator POV

Jonathan woke up first as normal and recapped his schedule,

Ok, so I have to make breakfast, Make sure they're ready for school, go to work, and meet up with Erina, and? What else do I have to do? ...Oh yeah! Take away Joseph's phone for getting arrested yesterday! Next time he should, you know, not try and run over his WHEELCHAIR BOND COUSIN! Goodness, I got angry again, sorry about that.

Jonathan arose from his bed and began his morning routine. He showered, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and got ready for the day.

He then started to make breakfast for his big family.

Joseph likes bacon with coffee.

Jotaro likes toast with coffee.

Josuke likes eggs with juice.

Jolyne likes yogurt with coffee.

And Giorno likes vegan pancakes with tea.

Oh yeah, Johnny, and Gappy and/or Jo2uke are staying with us! I wonder what they want? I'll just make them eggs.

A door opens from upstairs. Giorno walks out from his room to the bathroom to get ready for school. He liked waking up before the rest of his family.

When Giorno was done getting ready he walked down the stairs, and greeted Jonathan as he sat down.

"Good Morning, Jonathan."

"Good Morning! Did you sleep well?" Jonathan asked.

"Yeah, I think s-" He was cut off by a door slamming shut. Very loudly.

"Must be Jotaro. Jolyne must have gotten in the bathroom first." Giorno commented.

Jonathan laughed. "I guess so."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good Morning, retards!" Jolyne came prancing down the stairs.

"Jolyne, that isn't nice," Jonathan said sternly.

"You're right, Joseph isn't here right now." she sat down. Jonathan sighed. saying nothing back to her, defeated.

"Where is Joseph anyway?" Giorno asks.

Jonathan scoffs, "I told him to be awake at 6:00 sharp."

"Why 6:00?" Jolyne asked

"That's his punishment for trying to run over Johnny yesterday."

"Ohh yeah! I remember now!"

"Your next line will be, 'The things he'll do for 20 bucks,'!" a voice from inside the pantry spoke.

"The things he'll do for 20 bucks- JOSEPH!" Jolyne yelled.

Joseph popped out of the pantry fully dressed and looking proud.

"I've been up since 4 am!" he said proudly.

"Did you have another nightmare?" Jotaro said sarcastically walking down the stairs.

"Yes actually, Ocean Man!"

"What did you say?" Jotaro asked sternly. Even though Joseph was 3 years older than him they were about the same size.

"He called you, OCEAN. MAN! O-C-E-A-N M-A-N!" Josuke called from the upstairs bathroom.

"Fuck off." Jotaro sat down. "Langage, Jotaro!" Jonathan told him.

"Joot, you seem more pissy than usual, are you on your period?" Jolyne asked smugly.

"Jolyne, I'm not in a good mood and I want you to know I will not hesitate to choke you out and then feed it to your simp."

"Anasui is not a simp!" Jolyne defended.

"Funny, how you knew who I was talking about without saying his name."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Have fun at school!" Jonathan yelled at his younger siblings.

"Yeah, fun and school don't mix well," Jolyne yelled back.

Joseph usually carpools with Ceasar and Smokey. Jotaro drives him and his friends to school with Jonathan's car. (Jonathan drives there dads car to work). Jolyne caught a ride with her girlfriend Ermes. Josuke walked with his friends Okuyasu and Koichi. And Giorno either walked by himself or ride with his older friend Bruno, today he was alone with his thoughts.

Joseph POV

"Ugh, collage sucks!" I groaned. "Suck it up buttercup It's only the beginning of the year," Ceasar said, reading a book.

Asshole.

We were in the library supposed to be studying but I got a bit distracted. See Suzi Q was also in the library, by herself. Nobody around her, the perfect opportunity to ask her out, but this blonde bubble-blowing bitc-

"Stop staring at Suzi, it's starting to get creeping now," Ceasar said still looking at the book.

"And why should I?"

"1. We should be studying, and 2. Your so small no girl wants to date you." that asshole wrote something in his notebook.

I. Was. Annoyed to say the least. I mean it's true, BUT YOU DON'T SAY IT! So I did the only rational thing, put him in a headlock.

Good thing the library was empty except for a couple of people who were used to our bullshit by now.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU BUFFOON!?" Ceasar said, or at least tried too.

Ha, get rekt, bitch.

Jotaro POV

"Ugh, I hate school."

"Can you stop being edgy for 5 seconds?" Polnareff asked.

Dick,

"Can you guys stop arguing and actually help!" Avdol said while he was doing the science assignment, I don't know why. Fucken dork.

"Kakyoin is literally sleeping!" Polnareff wined.

"Kakyoin has had a long day."

"Yeah... what are we talking about?"

"So, sleeping beauty is finally up," I say.

"I know you meant that as an insult but I'm taking it as a compliment, Aurora was fabulous!" Kak laughed like the maniacal little gay shit he is.

"Aww, you guys are so cute!"

"Polnareff focus on the experiment!-" the test tube cut him off, by exploding.

"..."

"Finally something exciting," I said because it was fucking epic.

"I mean this would not have happened Joot and Kak weren't flirting with each other."

"Wtf."

Josuke POV

"Math is hardddddd."

"It's not that hard, Oku."

"Bullshit."

"Okuyasu, you should probably pay attention to my lesson instead of complaining." our math and gym/Hamon teacher Lisa-Lisa said to my friend Okuyasu, and trust me no one wants to get on her bad side, the last person to do that was Joseph, he still has nightmares, and he graduated.

"Yes, Josuke?"

"Is this going to be on the test?" I ask so I could know what to remember.

"Most of it will. But if you're asking me if you should listen in class or not, the answer is yes." it felt like she stared into my soul at that list part.

The bell rang

Lunch finally! Freedom at last!

"Your homework is to study for the quiz I'm giving you on an undisclosed date!"

Giorno POV

I walk over to bleachers outside of school where my friends (And Abbacchio) usually eat.

"Hey, guys." I quietly say. Right now there is only, Bruno, Abbacchio, Mista, and... Trish. Anyways as soon as Fugo and Narancia get here the peace will be ruined. Right now Bruno was talking to Mista and Trish about some party this Friday, and Abbacchio was on his phone with headphones on.

"Hello Giorno, how was your morning," Bruno asked.

"Eh, it was fine. Jolyne almost got ORAed."

"What else is new," Trish said drinking her mineral water. Wow shes really pretty, what?

"SUP BITCHES!" Narancia ran up to the bleachers with Fugo following behind him, sighing. Well, that was fun while it lasted.

#jjba #jojo's bizzare adventure vento aureo #jojo's bizzare adventure stone ocean #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #ships #jjba ships #cringe #dinopants

[a-cai-jpg]

if you’ll stay with me, we can rewrite the rules of the universe

"does she have to go away? can't they just live together happily?" - director son, melo is my nature

there's an idiom in chinese that i think about a lot.

天下没有不散的酒席

the first time i heard it, it was season 2 of a drama i loved as a kid--three years old, sitting too close to an old, heavy color television, my cousin warm by my elbow, and my grandmother's voice drifting in from the kitchen.

(it's a technicolor memory, filtered a little yellow with age.)

season 3 of this drama is something i try to never watch.

first of all, they changed the cast, and even though leo ku is a beautiful man, he couldn't replace the legend, alec su.

(we don't talk about the new female lead.)

second of all, shit hits the fan and the character i loved the most becomes the character i hated the most.

third of all,

the idiom becomes true.

(there is no such thing as a banquet that never ends.)

see, the drama is about two girls who meet each other in historical beijing and become sworn sisters despite being polar opposites of each other. where one is gentle and demure, the other is reckless and brash. one of them (guess which?) happens to be the long-lost daughter of the sitting emperor. the other girl promises to help her reach her father. after a series of unfortunate events, the emperor crowns the wrong girl as princess. season 1 is about the fake princess sneaking the real princess into the palace, their struggles with palace life and figuring out a way for the emperor to recognize his real daughter without executing his fake one, and them falling in love--one with the 5th prince and the other with a son of a palace official.

eventually, the misunderstandings are addressed, and the emperor realizes he loves both girls too much to have harm come to either of them, so he recognizes both as his daughters. more things happen, but eventually, the two girls get married, and it's happily ever after.

BUT.

but they decided to make a season 3.

(in hindsight, it makes sense, because the non-blood related princess could have never lived a happy life caged in the palace, but it's nice to dream ok)

season 3 ends with the non-blood related princess and the prince she marries (my childhood crush) leaving the palace for good, and thereby giving up the throne, to live in yunnan. many, many years later, a carriage arrives at their tea field, and it's the emperor visiting them during the last years of his very long reign.

even writing this really poorly-articulated synopsis can bring me to tears. it's not an ending i can watch without crying.

(i can still see the ending in my mind's eye. the scarf around her hair, the basket of tea leaves by her side, the sound of children laughing and the carriage rolling to a stop. they see erkang first. yongqi and xiao yanzi greet him and their laughter is wild from happiness. but then erkang lifts the curtain to the carriage, and the emperor steps down from the coach.)

(the moment yongqi drops to his knees and says 皇阿玛 is usually when i start bawling.)

(the end end is them riding the carriage together, singing, and the words 全剧终  appear on screen, and you can almost fool yourself into believing that the carriage just continues on until they are back in the palace, ten years into the past.)

i like endings where everyone stays in one place.

senior year of high school, i watched a drama where the ending was a group of friends, who had bound together to conquer evil, literally all going their own ways and the main character dying, and i was so traumatized, i cried for three hours, shakily typing up my english essay through a curtain of tears until 6am in the morning.

when i finally went to bed the following night, i rewrote the ending in my head.

maybe because i was so tired, or maybe because the pain was too raw and not something i wanted to face, i managed to convince my sleep-addled brain that the drama actually ended with the female lead gathering the remnants of the male lead's soul, finding an elder in the snow-capped mountains (which is the setting where the drama leaves us), bringing him back to life, and the two of them returning home, where their friends have gathered to welcome him back.

this remains my most successful daydream yet (nightdream?), because i can still see the fabricated scenes play out in my head, the imagined emotions on the actor's faces, the ghost of a soundtrack playing in the background.

there's still a very, very large part of me that likes for everyone to stay in one place. 

but maybe it's getting used to reality, or maybe it's me viscerally feeling how difficult it is to stay in a place for too long, i've slowly started to accept people dispersing.

i used to not understand those scenes in dramas where old friends who have moved away come to visit the main character for just one afternoon, because in my head, i would always think wow, i would've had them stay. my friends would've stayed the week.

but see, time doesn't move in a way that lets us stroll in the past for a very long time. now, i'm grateful for the hours taken out of a night to meet with familiar faces and make plans for a future we know might not happen. i swallow the faint wrenching feeling when we bid goodbye, and continue my own solitary journey home, and through life.

but in the end, we move through the world alone and with nothing.

there's still a very, very large part of me that likes for everyone to stay in one place, but i'm guilty of leaving.

you'd think after four years, i'd be used to not knowing what home is, but i'm still a little scared of going away.

i don't know what i'll do with my room when i do. i don't know what to do with the posters on the walls (magazines cut-outs from high school still posted above the living room desk that has long not been mine), or my mountain of books that spill into every room in the house, or my keyboard sitting heavily above my bureau, or my guitar stashed by my closet, or my upright.

i don't know when i'll play my upright again, and that thought in itself really hurts.

i used to do this thing where i count the number of hours i'll be able to spend time with another person. i used to do it with my grandparents and it's honestly the most painful exercise of all time.

i try not to do it now, and as i write this, i'm actively pushing the process out of my mind, because i know i'll be able to calculate the number of hours left i can live in this house.

in my final story for my creative writing project, someone says this to the main character, "You were banking on us to preserve this idealistic vision of the past--to stay the same--so that when you got tired of being an adult, you could return home to us. But, we were growing too. Maybe we were growing in tandem with each other, but out of sync with you."

this is a line buried in the text among many other sentences that i think are a lot more beautiful. but, this is the line that took me over two weeks to write. for the first time, i tried to put the anxiety and regret i felt for four years into words. 

(that sort of reckoning is akin to pulling out your chordae tendineae through your esophagus and wrestling them into something worth presenting to the world.)

see, i want to experience the world, get to know foreign lands over the period of a couple of years, call the hidden corners of large cities home, visit mountain tops and build a life there, but i don't want the world to change.

part of it is because if it does, i'll never get to know the world. the japan i'll see in the future will never be the japan i saw last year and the japan i missed this year.

part of it is because life is a long, tiresome process of getting used to the new. as i grow up and out of this two-story condo, i am constantly having to digest this larger, more nuanced picture of the world. but, sometimes i get tired and i want to fall back on something familiar.

sometimes, that something familiar changes, and you're left utterly, completely alone.

i'm more used to this process now. i'm no longer so bothered by it that i balk at the idea of my parents moving.

i still feel unsettled when i think about the coming four years and the years after that and the notion that really, this bed i'm sleeping in is not going to be my bed anymore.

and this time, it seems like it will be permanent.

i was watching this variety show with a singer i like very much yesterday night, laughing and crying, and wrote this next bit in chinese.

i'll translate it here.

hua chenyu is a very peculiar existence in my heart.

i don't particularly love his voice, but i view his music as a sort of standard for all pop music. he has changed a lot since 2013, when he first debuted, but he still has this aura of aloofness, maybe because of his single-minded obsession with music.

but, when i saw him lift his head to look at his college bandmates on a large screen, over a webcam, the love and happiness in his slightly reddened eyes were indisputable. in that moment, the look of nostalgia and wistfulness in his gaze suddenly made me think that he's grown up a little, aged a little.

(this following part i wrote in english)

they performed a song they used to play a lot in college over some sort of webcamming interface.

but, see, there is a difference.

i used to think that it didn't matter how far away my friends were from me, because technology has taken distance and shrunken it to a few lines of text or a phone call. but, there's something irreplaceable about the voice of a person you love without the tinny grain of the mic, about the warmth of another someone next to you that you can lean against. 

sometimes, we are lucky and for a few years of our lives, we have someone who can understand the messy scrawl over a few pages of our stories. sometimes, we are lucky, and that someone takes up chapters and arcs.

(isn't that a very nice thought.)

(华晨宇在我心中是一个很神奇的存在。我并不是特别喜欢他的声音，可是我就是会以他的音乐为目标，为典范。他从2013年 刚开始参加快男到现在 变了很多。但他一直有一种拒人于千里之外的感觉， 也许是因为他对音乐的执着。可是当我看见他抬头看着在屏幕上的大学乐队成员。。。他泛红眼里的爱和快乐是不可忽视的。在那一瞬间 他眼中的留恋突然让我觉得他好像长大了一点，老了一点。)

(i'm like weirdly proud because i couldn't have written this two years ago. see, reading in a different language really helps you learn that language. too bad my students never LiStEnEd.)

(i realize i talk about this creative writing story a lot. it's because it is my story. the story of me and my largest 心结. something like that.)

(maybe i'll post it one day.)

(or maybe not.)

song rec: kevin oh - mortifying love

glossary: the first drama mentioned is 还珠格格 (princess returning pearl erkang = son of the palace official, married to the blood related princess yongqi = 5th prince, one of the most tragic existences in chinese history xiao yanzi = the princess returning pearl, the non-blood related princess, married to yongqi 皇阿玛 = in the qing dynasty, princes and princesses who were sons and daughters of the emperor had to call their father by this greeting 全剧终 = the end the second drama mentioned is 古剑奇谭·(legend of the ancient sword) 心结 = literally, heart knot. i don’t know how to translate it, but i liken it to the freudian concept of a fixation...? 

#i feel like everything i write is so depressing #maybe i should just talk about the things i like #maybe the next post is going to be me talking about my top 9 picks for youth with you 2

[obrientheknot]

6.27...and then there were 8!

So it all started when I asked one of Kyle’s sister-in-law’s to be in the wedding. Her name is Nicole; she is only five years older than me and we are very close (to the point where I will text her or we will chat about life once a week, like, we would be friends if we met and Kyle wasn’t in the picture). The first time we met she was only engaged to Dan (Kyle’s brother), and we had a lot in common, like a love of drinking and ridiculous drunk stories (reminder I was only 20 going on 21 when we met).

Kyle has a second sister-in-law, her name is Lori. Lori is my sister’s age, meaning she’s 10 years older than me. She and BJ (Kyle’s other brother) were already established adults when I met them. AKA they had a house, a kid with another on the way, etc. We were not as close as Nicole and I, because we didn’t have as much in common. There’s more backstory but I’ll keep it short.

A few months ago when kyle and I were discussing our wedding parties he told me that he had seven people that he wanted in his party, so that I knew I had to have seven. I thought that if I had one of the sister-in-laws in the wedding it wouldn’t be an issue, plus I figured that I didn’t have many close girl cousins and Nicole is probably the closest to me outside of my family and friends. Also I wanted to involve her because she’s fun to be around and she’s cool, duh.

So I asked Nicole with my original round of girls. Of course she said yes, everyone said yes, I had seven Kyle had seven, and things were peachy keen.

I had always planned to ask Lori to either be the child wrangler (because she loves the kids) or to do a reading during the ceremony. There was never a time when I didn’t plan on having her in the wedding, she just wasn’t going to be in my wedding party. Not out of malice, just because she and I weren’t super close.

I probably should’ve thought about this at that time, but we were going to have all three of Kyle‘s brothers, all three of his nephews, his only niece, his parents, and my whole family in the wedding. Lori was literally the only one who wasn’t going to be directly involved with the wedding parties.

Fast forward to about two months ago. Mrs. O came over to our apartment because we were going to sit down and have a discussion about budget. Right before she left she said to me “hey… Are you planning to ask Lori to be in the wedding?” I was kind of blindsided and said no. She looked at me and said, “well mr. O asked and I was thinking that everybody else in the family is in the wedding and she would feel left out...”

I guess I really did have to tell you the backstory for all this to make sense: so Mrs. O and Lori haven’t always gotten along. When she had her first son there was a bunch of...not bad feelings...but just some weird stuff happened and it was icy between the two of them. I can’t really go into detail about it, but things haven’t always been smooth sailing. It was an issue when we took a family vacation a few years ago. Things have been getting better between them, but I really didn’t think Mrs. O would care if I didn’t have her in the wedding.

“Well I was going to ask her to do a reading...”

“I’m sure that’ll be fine...I was just saying because the whole family is in the wedding..she would feel bad..but I’m sure that’s fine!”

So now I’m like fuck… Did Lori actually say something to Mrs. O? Because of course I would hate to join his family with any bad blood. I would hate if someone felt left out.

Mrs. O could see the wheels turning in my head and was like “no no no don’t worry about it I was just curious… She mentioned it to me but I didn’t really say anything about who you’d asked..I don’t think it’s a big deal, just curious!”

So you know how people always end up asking people to be in their weddings, that they don’t want to be in the wedding, because outside people tell them to do it? I really didn’t want this to be the case. I love them all, there were no issues, I was content with my seven, and I don’t know...I just didn’t feel like asking another person.

Then I slept on it, and figured:

1. FOMO: She was going to be my new sister-in-law… And I didn’t know what our lives were going to be like down the road. We might be thick as thieves in a year or two. I would hate to look back on the day and not have everybody involved that I want to be there.

2. Babysitting: here’s another actual responsible adult to help wrangle all of my 25-year-old friends into being responsible, so my sister, my matron of honor, would have actual help.

3. Cash money: she would help offset the costs for everyone for the shower and bachelorette.

The more the merrier right?

So the next day, naturally, I went to target. Retail therapy is a balm for the warring mind. I get up to the dollar section, and wouldn’t you know it’s wedding stuff. The first thing I see is a card that says “I can’t say I do without you!”...so I guess in reality, target made my decision for me. I bought the card and drove home to tell Kyle my decision.

I ended up calling Mrs. O to let her know. The first thing she said was “I hope it’s not because of what I said to you… “ and I wanted to be like “that’s literally what started this whole thing” but I said “no of course not! I was already thinking about it! the more the merrier!” Then she said “well don’t be upset if she says no, I think it’s nice that you’re asking her!” So then I’m like..oh word, I can’t wait to be rejected by my future sister-in-law! Let’s fucking do this 🙃

I didn’t even know what to write in the card because other than birthdays and Fourth of July parties we haven’t had much time to sit down and get to know each other. I wrote exactly what I felt: Lori we are going to be sisters, I’m going to be joining this family and I want to make sure that I have all the important ladies in my life by my side when I say I do. Will you do me the honor of being one of my bridesmaids?

I took the card with me to Yoncé and Kevin’s birthday bbq, which was the next weekend. It was a little awkward but I just sat down next to her, started discussing the wedding, and said “things are moving really quick but there was one more important thing I had to do before I start looking at bridesmaids dresses..” and handed her the card.

Again I remind you Lori can come off a little cold sometimes, and it’s fine because I totally understand not being close to someone. So I was prepared for whatever she was going to say… except for what she actually said.

She hugged me and was like “oh my god of course! Thank you so much for asking!! I can’t believe it! I could cry! I’m so excited!!” First off the hug, then the cry?? I was thinking she’s either laying it on THIQ or like..she’s actually happy! I’m pretty sure it was the latter because she told BJ and just looked happy and I was just like 😆😆😆😆

So now she’s texts me with emojis and it feels like a whole new level of “girl we’re friends now”. I guess the theme really is the more the merrier because I’m super excited to have all of these wonderful people up there with me, I love them all so much ❤️

So now the ball is in Yoncé’s court to find his eighth LOL. I’m pretty sure he’s going to ask his cousin whose girlfriend of four years just dumped him because she think she might be a lesbian… That’ll definitely help him take his mind off things.

TL;DR I ended up asking my other future sister-in-law to be in my wedding. I was worried that we weren’t close and I didn’t want to just because of my future mother-in-laws suggestion. I ended up making the decision for myself, she said yes, and now I’m super excited to see her up there with me!