#that in THIS life; which is the one i’m in and afaik is the only one i’ve got; it’s never going to happen

[h00nerz]

cruel summer!

“i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

masterlist | moodboard | playlist

paring: choi yeonjun x fem!reader

genre: summer romance/fling, childhood friends to strangers to lovers, fluff, angst

word count: 30k

warnings: profanity, suggestive content, cheating, divorce, implications of sex but no smut, alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking weed i think, that’s it afaik

summary: following a painful divorce from your father, your mother is desperate to escape from reality. it turns out, the best way to do that is to visit your childhood vacation spot you hadn’t been to in nearly a decade. you’re reunited with your old friend, choi yeonjun, who has grown from some annoying, scrawny kid into a handsome, charming man. when yeonjun sets his sights on you, it’s practically impossible to resist his charm. the only issue is summer can’t last forever, and neither can your romance.

authors note: this fic is literally six months in the making so i am beyond enthused i’m finally able to post it! this is truly a massive fic i am so so sorry but i hope you’ll enjoy reading it!! thanks to everyone who’s supported my adventure writing this thing, especially linny and sav!

IT WAS INCREDIBLE TO YOU HOW all it took was one little choice to completely alter the course of someone’s life. When you were eleven, you’d opted for a different way to walk home from school, and just happened to pass by a ballet studio where a group of dancers were practicing. From that moment on, you’d become infatuated with dance, convincing your parents to let you enroll in a studio and beginning your own career as a dancer. When you were seventeen, you chose not to go to school one day just because you didn’t feel like it, and the bus you usually took had gotten into a bad wreck that morning.

Most notable, though, was when you were twenty-one, when your dad had made the choice to sleep with your family’s housekeeper, and your mom chose to come home from her business trip a day early to surprise the family. Those two choices led to your mother catching your father in the act, and then to her retaining an attorney to draft up divorce papers. Before you even had a moment to stop and process everything that was going on, your parents were split up, and your dad disappeared without so much as a goodbye.

You expected for your mom to be more upset. After all, her husband of 25 years had just thrown away the trust they’d spend so long to build away like it was nothing, but she wasn’t. Her focus remained on her work, the same as it always had. Work was always something very important to your mother, even since you were just a little girl. Consequently, she wasn’t home very much when you were growing up, which you thought you were fine with at the time. It wasn’t until you were older you reflected back on your childhood and how it affected you. At some point, you wondered if it was part of the reason your parents’ marriage ended the way you did, but you knew it was still your dad’s fault at the end of the day.

You never suspected anything to be wrong with her until she randomly suggested the two of you go spend the summer at your old family beach house together. There was no reason she would have proposed taking an entire three months away from her work--alone with you, nonetheless--unless she was searching for some kind of distraction from all of the events that had transpired in the earlier months. 

It had been nearly a decade since the last time you visited your old beach house. You had gone nearly every summer of your childhood there, spending the long hours of the summer days building sand castles and swimming with the friends you had made while you were there. Then, when the sun was starting to set, you would wander around town with your parents, getting dinner together and then some ice cream that you would eat while you pointed out different constellations in the stars. You had amazing memories associated with the little beach town, but that's all they were. Memories.

You were now finishing up your junior year of college, and those three months of summer were the last you’d have before you started your senior year, and prepared for graduating. So, truthfully, spending an entire summer in some rinky-dink town alone with your mother did not sound too enticing. However, you knew she was going through a difficult time, and frankly so were you. You convinced yourself that this bonding experience was exactly what the two of you needed, and even though you would rather stay in your hometown and have some fun with your friends before being thrust into the real world, you decided to go. 

The little beachside town was exactly how you remembered it. Warm, friendly, and full of life. Everywhere you looked, there were people out and about, taking advantage of the city sidewalks and the nice weather to get to where they needed to go. It was a beautiful little town, and even though you hadn’t really wanted to go in the first place, you found yourself reveling in the familiar feeling. You even caught sight of the little ice cream stall on main street your family always went to in the past. A thick wave of nostalgia washed over you, and suddenly you felt like a little girl all over again. But when you looked to your left, the sight of your mother driving the car and not your father grounded you to the reality of your situation.

“Aw, look, Y/N? Remember that store? You would always pick something out to bring home.” Your mother laughed as you cruised down main street, and you peered out the window to see the little souvenir shop you always visited while you were in town. Instinctively, your fingers leapt to your neck, toying with the shell necklace you chose to wear for your trip.

“And there! Isn’t that where your little friend used to live?” She looked the most excited you’d seen her in awhile as she scanned the buildings you passed by. It made you feel better about your decision to agree to this trip.

“You mean Jisu?” You asked, tilting your head to get a better look at the house. Jisu’s family actually lived in the town, and she was one of the friends you had made when you were younger. You never really kept in touch with her outside of your time spent together, so you had no idea what she was up to these days. You weren’t even sure her family still lived in town.

“Yes, Jisu! Oh, the Chois were such a lovely family, we should stop by and see if they’re still around, maybe we could even ask them to dinner.”

She continued to point out random landmarks and recall old memories as you drove through the little town, but at some point you had drowned her out. You instead took in the surroundings for yourself, letting your own memories play out in your head. You, Jisu and your other friend Chaeryeong would ride your bikes around the town and use the money your parents gave you to get giant snow cones together. It was crazy to think that you once considered those girls to be your closest friends in the whole world, now you could barely remember what they looked like.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of your mother blabbing on about all the things your family used to do, and all the things she wanted to do now, you reached your old beach house. As soon as you saw it, you were reminded of all your childhood memories of that little house. Playing board games in the sun room, sitting on the porch and watching the sun dip down below the waves, eating waffles for breakfast every morning…

“Y/N, come on, your bags.” Your mother’s voice interrupted your little slideshow of memories playing in your brain. You would have more time to reminisce later.

A COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER YOUR ARRIVAL, most of your belongings were unpacked, and you were ready for dinner. Unfortunately for you, though, your mother was not ready, since she had apparently decided to bring her entire closet on the trip and had barely made it halfway through unpacking by the time you were finished. More fortunate, however, she told you to just go pick up dinner for the both of you from a local restaurant while she worked, so you wouldn’t have to sit around and wait for her.

Jake’s was an old burger shop that was very popular amongst the town, and for good reason, too. Their cheeseburgers were some of the best you’d ever come across during your twenty plus years on earth, and you were very excited to finally have one again after all these years. You hoped they still held up. As soon as you walked through the door, the aroma of all the different foods filled your nose, and another thick wave of nostalgia hit you like a truck. You were immediately reminded of the nights your family spent in a booth there, your mother and dad talking about whatever nonsense while you contently sipped on your milkshake that was nearly twice the size that you were. 

You had already called in the order before leaving, so all you had to do now was sit and wait for them to be ready with your food. Two double cheeseburgers, two medium fries, a large chocolate milkshake and a large strawberry milkshake. The thought of getting to drink one of those milkshakes after all these years made your mouth water.

“Y/N?” You heard a voice call out, and whipped around to face the direction it had come from. At first you thought it was your food being done, but instead it was a familiar face you hadn’t seen in years.

“Jisu! Hi!” You greeted your old friend, holding your arms out to envelop her in a warm hug. The interaction felt somehow foreign and familiar at the same time, but mostly the latter. 

“Wow! It’s been, what, nine years since we last saw each other?” She asked after pulling away from the hug, her hands still rested on your forearms.

“Something like that.” You laughed softly, taking a moment to really take in how much she had changed over the years. She obviously looked completely different, since she was a grown woman now, but she also looked exactly the same. “You still live here?”

She nodded, looking you up and down as she did the same thing you did. “Yep. I mean, I go to college out of town so I’m gone during the school year, but I always come back home when I get the chance.” She smiled fondly at you, and she had the kind of smile that made you feel all warm and fuzzy all over just at the sight of it. “What about you?”

The two of you continued to chat, catching one another up on the basics of how things had gone over the last nine years. It turned out both she and Chaeryeong’s families still lived in the area, and the two were still very close friends. She even suggested the three of you get together sometime soon, for old time’s sake. You filled her in on how you were also attending school, and still did dance as a hobby to keep you busy. You chose to leave out the part of your life where your dad cheated with the housekeeper that was only a few years older than you, and the part where your parents got a divorce. It wasn’t something you were quite ready to tell people about, not even Jisu.

You were interrupted by your name being called, which meant your food was finally ready.

“Well, I guess we should probably head back to our own places before our food gets cold, right?” Jisu suggested, clutching her own bag of food between her hands.

“Probably. I think my mom will kill me if I let her shake melt.” You replied, which earned a laugh out of Jisu.

“Hey, um, a few of my friends are having a big bonfire party on the beach tomorrow night, you should come.” She told you as you both exited the small restaurant, an invitation that made your heart flip. You suddenly felt horrible for never keeping in contact with her, because she was much sweeter than any of your friends at home. You had been in town less than twenty four hours, and she was already inviting you to spend time with her.

“Really?” You asked her, raising your eyebrows. “Yeah, I would love to come!” 

“Really?” She echoed, eyes widening as if you had just told her you would give her a thousand dollars. “That’s great! I’ll let them know you’re coming, I’m sure most of them will love to see you again!” She spoke giddily, nearly leaping out of her own skin from excitement.

You bid each other goodbye, and then went your separate ways. The entire walk back to the house, you couldn’t hide your happiness no matter how hard you tried. Maybe, just maybe, this trip wasn't going to be as bad as you had anticipated. You shouldn’t have spoken so soon, though, as you still had three months to go.

FOR THE LIFE OF YOU, you could not figure out why this party was making you so nervous. You’d spent nearly an hour in your closet, digging through your clothes and throwing them around so by the time you’d finally settled on something, your floor had disappeared under a sea of clothes. Maybe it was because you were going to be here for three months, and if you didn’t make friends now, you were going to spend all that time alone with no one except your own mother, who would surely drive you insane.

At first, you felt a bit guilty about leaving her home alone all night, but luckily for you, she had found some old friends of her own to go out with. And now, here you were, standing on the sidewalk and staring down at the beach where the fire was already going, and a lot more than a few friends had gathered to party. You were trying to find Jisu amidst the crowd of people, so you could easily approach her first, but you were having a difficult time locating her in the darkness. And you probably looked like an idiot, just standing there and waiting for something, but you would rather do that than have to go down there alone.

It had been a long time since you’d been to a proper party. Sure, you had lots of friends of your own back in the city, but most of them were too school oriented to ever attend parties, and you were afraid of going to one without at least one of your friends. So, you were definitely afraid now. 

“Yeri!” You heard a voice behind you shout, and nearly jumped out of your own skin when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You flipped around to see some guy you’d never met before standing behind you, a panicked look on his face as he held up his hands in surrender. “Oh, sorry. Definitely not Yeri.”

“No, not Yeri.” You laughed nervously, reaching up to protectively hold your shoulders. 

“Hmm, I don’t think we’ve met before? If you’re not Yeri, who are you?” He asked inquisitively, taking a step closer to you as you tried to turn away from him.

“Oh, my name is Y/N.” You replied, your cheeks warming at how close he was standing next to you. In the darkness of the night, you couldn’t quite make out his face, but guessing by the few features that were illuminated by the glow of the bonfire, you could guess he was quite handsome. The realization suddenly made you even more nervous.

“Y/N? Like Y/N L/N?” You glanced over at him to see him gaping at you in surprise, and furrowed your eyebrows together.

“Uh, yeah? Why?”

He laughed softly. “So, you don’t recognize me?” He rose an eyebrow at you, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. You could barely see his face, how were you supposed to recognize him?

“No… Should I?” You queried, tilting your head to the side as if it would give you a better view of his face.

“I don’t know… Does Crab Castle ring a bell?” And ring a bell it did. Those two words immediately gave you flashbacks to one summer you’d been in town, and one of Jisu’s cousins had come to visit as well. He and you had been building sand castles on the same beach, when you first ran into each other, and at first you had decided he was your rival. You tried everything in your power to sabotage his castles, and he destroyed your’s. But, another kid had showed up on the same beach, and his castles were much more intricate and sophisticated than either of yours’. So, you proposed the two of you teamed up to make the best castle that beach had ever seen. 

That was how Crab Castle was born, the sand castle that you had, at the time, thought was the greatest sand castle ever to be built. It had multiple towers, and archways, and you even made your own custom crab emblem to decorate the castle. It took you from sunrise until sunset to build it, and before you were dragged home by your parents, you decided to destroy it together, which had honestly been way more fun than your time spent building it up.

Your eyes went wide.

“Yeonjun?!” You laughed in disbelief, taking a step back to get a better look at him. Compared to the weird little boy you had competed with on the beach ten years ago, he was a completely different person. A taller, more muscular, and definitely more good-looking person. You couldn’t believe it was Yeonjun standing in front of you. “Holy shit, you look…”

“Taller? Hotter? More muscular?” He grinned, raising one of his arms to flex his biceps, but you hurriedly smacked his arm before he could.

“Don’t do that, weirdo.” You wrinkled your nose, and he laughed at that. “What are you doing here? I thought you lived in the city?” 

He shrugged. “My friends and I wanted to do something fun this summer, have an adventure, I guess, and I thought it would be a good idea to come spend time down here.” His gaze shifted over to the bonfire, where you assumed these friends he was talking about were hanging out. “What about you? You guys haven’t been down here in forever. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“My mom wanted to take a girls trip, just the two of us.” You told him.“And since I’m graduating next year, I thought it would be good to have one last adventure before I have to get a real job.” 

He nodded slowly, and you watched as he looked you up and down slowly, as if he was taking all of you in. “Cool, cool… So you’re here all summer then?”

“Yeah.” You answered, and began to chew the inside of your cheek. “You?”

“Yeah.” He echoed, and you felt your heart begin to race. An entire three months in the same town as Yeonjun, a boy you hadn’t thought about in half a decade, but a boy who had grown into a very, very attractive man. “We’ll have to hang out sometime. Outside of a party, I mean.” 

Your eyes widened. “Oh, sure. If I have the time.” You blink at him, completely aware of how stupid you must sound. But he didn’t seem to mind, instead letting out a little laugh at your comment.

“Well, try to pencil me in your busy schedule, okay?” He smiled at you, a smile that made your heart flutter. Jeez, you couldn’t believe how tremendously down bad you already were, after spending less than ten minutes with him. This definitely wasn’t normal for you. 

He started to walk away, as if that was the end of the conversation, but you quickly panicked. “Wait! Do you know where Jisu is? She invited me, and I should probably go and talk to her.” 

Graciously, Yeonjun led you down to the party, letting you trail behind him like some kind of lost puppy looking for its owner. Once you were down by the actual fire, the party felt a lot smaller, like there weren’t nearly as many people as you thought. Or maybe it was just because you were so focused on Yeonjun, you barely noticed the other people around you. Either way, your nerves were starting to feel much more at ease than before.

“Ahh! Y/N!” Jisu greeted you once Yeonjun had finally delivered you to your old friend, and she threw her arms around your neck to pull you in for a tight hug. You could smell the cheap beer on her breath, giggling to yourself at how tipsy she already was. “Look, Chaer! It’s Y/N!” 

She pulled away from you to let you get a good look at your other old friend, Chaeryeong, who had that same phenomenon of looking completely different yet exactly the same. She greeted you with a hug as well, cooing about how good it was to see you. As she hugged you, you glanced over at Yeonjun, who was watching the whole interaction, and mouthed a silent “thank you”. He gave you a salute before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

“Were you just with Yeonjun?” Jisu asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, we ran into each other on the way in. I barely even recognized him.” You explained to her, letting out a little laugh as you spoke. You expected her to laugh, too, but instead her suspicious eyes narrowed.

“He’s hot, right?” Chaeryeong giggled, leaning onto your shoulder as though you were the best of friends. Your cheeks heated up at the comment, as you frantically began to shake your head. 

“Nononono, that’s not what I meant! It’s just crazy how much people can change in ten years, isn’t it? One day, they’re a little kid throwing sand in your eyes, and the next they’re, like, a mature adult.” 

Jisu snorted. “He is not mature. You should have heard him whining yesterday when his friends were making fun of him for liking mint chocolate chip ice creams. He’s more like a baby than a grown adult.” She told you, then took a long sip of her drink. “Anyway, you should be careful around him. My aunt says he’s dated, like, six girls in the last year. He’s a whore.” She said, and Chaeryeong nodded in agreement.

“Mhm! Guys like him, Y/N, they only want one--” she leaned forward and wagged a singular finger in your face. “--one thing!” She warned you, and although you believed her, it was hard to take her seriously with how obviously out of it she was.

“Okay, I think I get it.” You laughed nervously, holding your hands up in defense. “No talking to Yeonjun. I’ll just hang out with you guys instead.” 

They seemed to like the sound of that idea, letting out loud cheers and pulling you in for another hug. “It’s so nice to have you back, Y/N! Hey, tomorrow, we should go get snow cones! Just like old times!” Jisu sang. “But, first, let’s get you something to drink!” 

THE NEXT MORNING YOU WOKE UP with a throbbing headache. You weren’t sure how much you drank the night before--actually, you weren’t sure of anything from the night before. Your memory was foggy, leaving very little that you could actually recall. 

You can remember trying to shotgun one of your cans of beer (you can’t remember if you were actually able to do it or not), and you remember telling Chaeryeong and Jisu all about your first boyfriend, and then you remember being wet. You don’t remember why you were wet, or rather how you got wet, you just remember being wet. 

You were barely given any time to adjust to the sunlight that was currently flooding the entirety of your bedroom when your mother was suddenly opening your door, the sound of her voice causing you to groan out in pain.

“Y/N, I need you to pick us up some breakfast.” She told you flatly, and you slammed your pillow down over your own head to try and muffle her.

“Why can’t you?” You asked, dragging out the last vowel. You said a silent prayer that someone would strike her down so she would stop talking to you. But also that they would do it in a quiet way as to spare your already sensitive skull.

“Because, I’m busy. Besides, you can pick yourself up some coffee, it’ll help with your hangover.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I am not hungover. It’s just allergies.” You lied, though you weren’t totally sure why you even bothered when you knew that she knew exactly what was wrong with you. “But fine. Give me a few minutes.”

With your surrender, she made a small “hmph” and closed your door, finally leaving you alone. Getting up, going outside, walking around and talking to people was your absolute worst nightmare at the moment, but you knew your mother. If she wanted you to do something, she wouldn’t leave you alone until you did it. She was stubborn, in that way, determined to get exactly what she wanted.

So, despite your body screaming at you to go curl up under your covers and die, you forced yourself off of your bed and pulled on the first clothes you could find--your old Stranger Things t-shirt your cousin had gotten you for your fifteenth birthday, and a pair of sweat shorts. To complete the look, you threw on the singular pair of sunglasses you owned--which were big, red, heart shaped ones. Personally, you thought it was the peak of fashion.

Even under your sunglasses, you were attacked by the outside light when you stepped outside. You half contemplated crawling under the porch to sleep there, since even that would be more bearable than this, but your mother would probably burn you alive if you did that. And as badly as you already wanted to die at the moment,  you would prefer it if it wasn’t by your mother’s hand.

And just when it seemed like your morning couldn’t get any worse, it did.

“Y/N?” Oh no. 

You were stopped in the middle of the sidewalk by the sound of your name. Reluctantly you turned around, filled with dread when you saw none other than Yeonjun standing behind you, observing you with an amused expression. Now you were praying it was you who would be struck down.

Yeonjun, the man you had once been enemies with, who was now extremely attractive. Yeonjun, who you were not supposed to talk to. That Yeonjun was staring at you, a smile tugging on his lips as he looked you up and down to get a good look at your current state.

“Jeez, how much did you drink last night?” He laughed, and last night you probably would have enjoyed the sound of his laughter, but now it made you want to throw up.

“I don’t know. Too much. My memory is all clouded up, you know.” You responded, raising your hand to protect your eyes from the sun like a visor. 

Now that it was daytime, you were finally able to get a good look at him. You already knew he was pretty, after seeing him last night, but you didn’t really get to see how pretty he was. His dark hair was grown out into a mullet, which wasn’t always the best look, but he pulled it off like no other. He was wearing a tank top that let you get a good look at his sun-kissed skin, which was perfectly smooth like he had been airbrushed or something. He looked like how you would have imagined one of the Greek Gods to look like.

And then it hit you. He looked too perfect, especially for a morning after a party. And especially when your friends had basically told you he was the kind of guy to party hard and take a new girl home every weekend. “Why aren’t you dying? I thought you were some kind of party boy now.”

He cocked an eyebrow at that, like he’d never been called that before. “Party boy? Who told you that?”

“Jisu and Chaeryeong.” You shrugged.

He hummed in response, looking a little less amused than before and instead a little bit more annoyed. “You know, you really shouldn’t listen to everything they tell you. Especially when they’re drunk. Chaer likes to lie for fun.” He informed you, though you weren’t all too convinced he was right about that.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” And with that, you were just going to leave, since you were way too hungover to even be having this conversation in the first place, but then that led you to think of the cause of your hangover, and the panic that you had done something stupid the night before rammed into you full force. “Um… Did I do anything… Embarrassing last night?” 

“If you count convincing yourself you were on fire and running into the water at full speed while screaming at the top of your lungs as embarrassing, then no, you’re good.” A teasing grin appeared on his lips, and you could feel the color drain from your face. 

“Oh. So that’s why I remember being wet.” You realized, mentally slapping your forehead over and over again. “God, I think I have no choice but to steal my mom’s car and leave the country. I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” You groaned loudly.

“Hey, hey, relax, it really wasn’t that bad. It was kind of cute, honestly.”

You gave him a deadpanned look. “Don’t lie.” Feeling way too embarrassed by that point, you were ready to go back to picking up your breakfast and trying your best to never be seen again, but you could hear him jogging up behind you as you started to walk away.

“Where are you going, anyway? Can I walk with you?” He asked, slowing to a steady pace once he reached your side.

“Um, I’m supposed to pick up waffles for my mom and I. And coffee. She said that I need a coffee.” You informed him. If your head had been hurting you a little less, you might have noticed how close he was to you, and how your fingertips were barely centimeters away from one another. And the realization would have made you nervous. Good thing you were hungover, then.

“What a coincidence! I’m supposed to get coffee, too.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, although he wouldn’t be able to see due to your glasses. “You’re getting coffee, too? What about your friends? Shouldn’t you be out with them, or something?”

“Well, ‘Gyu might be in worse condition than you are, and Wooyoung is still asleep, so I thought I’d go get us some coffee before they wake up.” He explained to you, glancing over at you with that same, stupid smile. 

“Aw. You’re so thoughtful.” You cooed at him, to which he playfully rolled his eyes. “Will you get me my coffee, too?”

He shook his head. “Nah, not today. Another day, when you’re not all messed up, I’ll buy you some.”

“Why does it have to be when I’m not messed up?” You queried, faking a dramatic pout.

“Because…” He stopped in front of you, then leaned down so his face was closer to yours--much closer. The proximity made your heart start to hammer against your chest. “It wouldn’t be a very good date if you had a god awful headache the whole time, would it?” He spoke lowly, in a half-teasing, half-sultry tone that made your heart go crazy. 

His fingers reached out to gently brush against your skin, the contact setting your skin ablaze, and you thought he would tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear like some kind of romcom. But, he instead tapped the edge of your sunglasses. “Cute glasses, by the way. They suit you.” He straightened back up, then started walking as if nothing had happened. 

You stood, completely dumbfounded as you watched him walk along the sidewalk, beaming with pride because you knew that he knew that he’d already started to have an effect on you, only hours after being reunited. You hated the stupid, cocky smirk he wore on his lips, and you hated the playful raise of his eyebrows as he turned back to look at you with those stupid, perfect eyes you also hated.

“Come on, slow poke. Let’s go get some coffee.”

YOU KNEW IT WAS WRONG, you knew Jisu was going to be upset at you, but you couldn’t help it. For the next week, you could not stop thinking about Yeonjun. You couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt when his face got all close to yours, and how all of his features looked up close. His dark, intimidating yet inviting eyes. His plump, very kissable looking lips. You couldn’t stop thinking about the way his fingertips dragged against your cheek, and the electric feeling of his skin against yours. You had spent an embarrassing amount of time imagining what it would feel like if he brushed his skin against other parts of your body.

It had only taken twenty-four hours for Choi Yeonjun to infect you. You thought it couldn’t get much worse--you were wrong.

Your mom suggested a day of lounging at the beach--pulling up a couple of lounge chairs, an umbrella for shade, and a book for each of you to read. It sounded like a perfect day to you, so you agreed. So long as you got to get some ice cream to cool you down while you were out there, because lord knew it was going to get hot.

“Have you been having a good time?” Your mother asked as you played with the corner of the page you were reading, dragging your attention away from the book. You glanced over at her through your sunglasses (not the heart-shaped ones, after your horrible walk of shame, you bought a new pair), closing your book and resting it on your lap.

“Yeah, I have. It’s nice to be back here, to see everyone again.” You smiled at her, and she smiled as well.

“Good. See? I told you this trip would be good for us.” She told you matter-of-factly, pointing her own book at you for emphasis. “There’s just something about a small town like this, and getting away from everything… It’s rejuvenating.” She let out a long sigh, and you rolled your eyes at her dramatics. 

“Well, I guess you could call it that.” You agreed with her. You thought the conversation would end there, and you could go back to reading your book, but she wasn’t ready to stop talking to you yet. 

“So, you’ve been hanging out with Jisu and Chaeryeong a lot? It’s nice to see the three of you together, after all these years.” 

You nodded. “It is nice. I feel bad for not staying in contact, I feel like we missed out on years of potential friendship.” You confessed. Truthfully, you were already enjoying the last week with the two girls more than the last few years with your other friends. Sure, your friends back home were nice, but you had never clicked with them the same way you were clicking with Jisu and Chaeryeong. You hoped that when you left at the end of the summer, you’d be able to keep up with them unlike in the past.

“Aw.” She clicked her tongue, glancing away from you. “That’s great. We really need to go have dinner with the Chois. You know, I saw Jiwoo--You know, Jisu’s mother--at the store a few days ago--” She was cut off by her phone ringing, and you watched as she picked it up and walked away, saying a silent thank you now you would have some peace and quiet.

At least that’s what you were hoping for. But, of course, that was too much to ask for.

A volleyball bounced across the sand in front of you, and unsurprisingly, it was followed by a group of guys chasing after it. And just your luck, one of the guys happened to be none other than Choi Yeonjun. 

You gulped, quickly lifting your book and opening it up in an attempt to hide your face from his view. Since your last run in with him, you had been avoiding him to the best of your ability. Mostly because the more time you spent around him, the more your feelings seemed to grow, and the more guilty you felt. 

The first night Jisu had warned you about him, she had been extremely drunk, so you had considered just ignoring her, since there was a chance she didn’t really mean it. But, a day after you’d gotten coffee with him, you had hung out with her and Chaeryeong, and told them all about what happened. She was completely sober when she warned you a second time, telling you she was just looking out for you, so you decided that meant she was serious, and that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with Choi Yeonjun!

“Sorry!” One of them yelled at you, and you barely lowered your book to see it was the one with the shaggy hair. He made eye contact with you, and suddenly his entire demeanor changed. Instead of cowering down, like he was scared you would yell at him, he straightened up, holding the ball under his arm and you swore you saw him flex his muscles. 

“It’s fine.” You quipped, praying Yeonjun wouldn’t hear you. Thankfully, he looked too busy cursing out his other friend for throwing the ball out of bounds.

The shaggy haired boy ignored his friends, his eyes remaining on you. “The Summer I Turned Pretty? Is that any good?” He asked, and at first you thought he was spewing nonsense, then you realized he was talking about the book glued to the front of your face. 

If you weren’t so worried about his stupid friend noticing you, you might have actually tried to have a conversation with him. He was good looking, and seemed friendly, but you were trying to get them to go away as soon as they could, so you just gave a short nod, hoping he would take the hint and go away.

“Sorry again.” He apologized, flashing you a pearly white grin, and he started to walk away. You let out a soft sigh of relief. You had officially avoided conversation with Yeonjun, and could return to actually reading.

“Oh, hey, Y/N!”

Never mind.

You finally put your book down, since your cover had obviously been blown already. Yeonjun had spotted you, and was flashing you that same, stupid, confident grin you hated (read: loved). You reluctantly raised your hand to wave at him, giving him the best smile you could muster up. “Hi, Yeonjun.” You replied.

“Oh, Y/N! You’re the girl who thought she was on fire! I knew you looked familiar!” The shaggy hair boy announced, your cheeks becoming set ablaze at the realization that was what you were known for now.

“Yes, that was me.” You managed to get out through a pained smile. 

“Dude, that was hilarious! I’ve never seen someone more scared for their life over nothing!” Yeonjun’s other friend began to laugh, and you frowned as the other two joined in. Not in the mood for their mockery, you looked down to the pages of your book, trying your hardest to drown out their hyena-like laughter.

Yeonjun noticed your annoyance, and quickly stopped laughing, clearing his throat. “Hey, she’s also one of the greatest sand castle builders in the whole country.” He pointed out to his friends. The compliment that called all the way back to your childhood caused your cheeks to heat up again, but this time it was more out of flattery than embarrassment.

“It’s true. Better than him.” You informed his friends, gesturing towards him with your head. 

The shaggy haired one shrugged. “Yeah, I believe it. I’m Beomgyu, by the way.” He approached you, holding out his hand to shake, which you gladly did. 

“I’m Wooyoung!” The other friend interrupted, pushing Beomgyu out of the way to have his turn shaking your hand. 

Yeonjun was watching his friends smothering you, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed. “Okay, okay, she doesn’t want to know you guys, she doesn’t care.” He told them, rolling his eyes when Beomgyu shook your hand again. “Have you been sick or something? It’s been a week since I saw you.” He changed the subject, much to your dismay.

“No…” You responded.

“Weird. I guess we’ve just been missing each other all week.” He shrugged. 

“She’s probably been avoiding you because she can tell you’re a fucking loser.” Wooyoung said matter-of-factly, and Beomgyu laughed in agreement. 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes at their immature comments, but chose to ignore them. “I think I still owe you some coffee, you know.” He told you, and bumped the edge of your chair with his food. “Maybe you should give me your number. Then I won’t have to worry about trying to track you down.” 

Your eyes widened, and Beomgyu started to cough loudly. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to get out of this one. You could try to lie and say you lost your phone, or give him a fake number, but as soon as he realized it was wrong, he would probably get mad. Maybe he would get so angry he would decide “if I can’t have her, no one can!” and murder you in your sleep. That was probably not going to happen, but you could never be sure these days! Right?

You were frozen in your beach chair, and the longer it took for you to form some kind of a response, the more awkward things were becoming. You began to regret every little decision that had led you to this moment--from you deciding to join your mother for a day at the beach all the way back to letting Yeonjun build that stupid sand castle with you in the first place. 

And then, like some kind of miracle sent down from God herself, you were saved. Although, you weren’t sure if you could call it saving, since you had a feeling it was only going to make the entire interaction so much worse. 

Appearing out of seemingly nowhere, Jisu and Chaeryeong stood beside your chair, arms folded and eyes narrowed at the boys.

“Oh, hey, Jisu.” Beomgyu was first to break the painfully long silence, and the sound of someone speaking again after so long caught you so off guard you nearly jumped. “And Chaer.”

 “Hi.” Jisu greeted, then risked a glance down at you. “What’re you guys up to? I thought you were playing volleyball or something?”

“We were, but then Beomgyu almost hit her with the ball.” Wooyoung explained, gesturing over towards you. Beomgyu rolled his eyes, but made no effort to dispute Wooyoung’s words.

“I thought you were here with your mom?” Jisu asked, recalling your text messages from earlier in the morning.

“Yeah, I was. Am. She just got up to take a call.” You explained, feeling a bit like a little kid getting caught red handed, even though you really hadn’t done anything wrong. “Then Yeonjun and his friends decided to come say hi.”

Jisu nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, we were keeping her company while she was alone. Anything can happen to a pretty girl sitting out on the beach alone.” Yeonjun said, and you hated the way your cheeks heated up because of his stupid words.

“Hey!” Jisu was quick to scold. “Stop flirting with my friends, weirdo!” She snapped, jabbing her finger in his face. 

He held his hands up in defense, taking a step back to avoid his eyes being poked out by her fingertips. “I wasn’t flirting with her! I was just being honest! She’s a pretty girl!” He attempted to defend himself, but that just seemed to bother Jisu even more.

“Stop it!” She told him again, and Wooyoung began to giggle.

“You look like an angry little chihuahua. So cute.” He teased her, and you thought she might have really smacked him across his amused face if it wasn’t for Chaeryeong putting her hands on her shoulders in an attempt to relax her. 

You felt like maybe it was time you stepped in, and stood up, joining Chaeryeong in trying to calm down your friend. “It’s fine, Ji. They’re just stupid boys, ignore them.” You told her, then shot Yeonjun a glare. He tilted his head at you, like he couldn’t figure out why you might be annoyed at him. 

Stupid boys indeed.

“Ouch!” Beomgyu gasped at your words, feigning hurt and clinging onto his chest. “Your words hurt Y/N, they really do.” 

“Go back to your stupid volleyball and leave us alone.” Jisu groaned, wrapping her hand under your arm to cling onto you. “You guys are so annoying!”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “Fine. Can I at least get that phone number before I leave?” Yeonjun asked, a grin creeping onto his perfect lips.

“No!” Chaeryeong and Jisu shot back in unison, making a swatting motion with their hands to tell them to get away. Finally, Wooyoung and Beomgyu began to slowly back away--Beomgyu was still acting like he was bleeding out of his chest or something. Yeonjun lingered, though, letting out a deep exhale.

“What was it that Romeo said? Parting is such sweet sorry’s, or whatever?” He sighed, and placed a hand over his heart. “I’m gonna get that phone number, though. I swear, just wait and see!” And with that, he gave you a wink, then rushed away after his friends before Jisu got the chance to curse him out again. 

You stood quietly for a minute, mulling over his words. You felt like there was a not-so-thinly veiled threat hiding in his words. With an uneasy sigh, you glanced over at Jisu, who had her eyebrows furrowed closely, and her lips pressed together into a frown, like she was thinking about his words as well. Chaeryeong’s gaze flickered between the two of you, as she was obviously awaiting some sort of acknowledgment of what happened.

But the acknowledgement never came. Maybe Jisu had finally given up on trying to keep you away from Yeonjun, because she didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she gave you a quick hug, promising that she would see you later, before taking Chaeryeong and disappearing back to whatever they had done before. 

You wished she had been more insistent. You wished you had listened to her from the beginning.

FOR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A RELAXING Summer getaway for you and your mother, you sure were having a difficult time destressing. You’d been trying to sleep for at least the last hour, tossing and turning under your sheets. The millions of thoughts running rampant in your mind were what were preventing you from getting any sleep, and no matter how hard you tried, you weren’t able to put any of them to rest. The longer you laid there, feeling absolutely exhausted but unable to shut your mind down long enough to sleep, the worse your annoyance became.

At some point, you’d finally had enough. With a frustrated groan, you threw your bedsheets off of you, and swung your legs over the side of the bed. You sat for a minute, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to get them to accept you weren’t going to sleep, then finally pushed yourself to stand up. You wandered over to the large window at the edge of the bedroom, and slid it open enough you could feel the cool ocean breeze against your face. 

Finally, you were beginning to feel that relaxation you’d been longing for. With the air against your skin, and the sound of the waves rolling against the beach out in the distance, you felt your thoughts begin to dissipate. You weren’t thinking about your dad, or Jisu, or your senior year waiting for you back home, or Yeonjun, in fact you weren’t thinking about anything at all. Except, maybe, about how much you wished your bed was closer to the window.

Whack!

You were completely startled when you felt something tiny collide with your cheek, and you let out a quiet curse. Once again, you found yourself annoyed that these windows didn’t have any screens on them to protect you. Cautiously, you poked your head out the window in hopes of finding the source of whatever had hit you.

You apparently weren’t cautious enough, though, as another tiny object hit your face once again. “Ow, what the fuck!” You shouted, reaching up to rub your forehead, and then you spotted it--the source.

Standing on the lawn outside your house, with a handful of what you assumed to be pebbles, was none other than Choi Yeonjun, whose grin quickly turned into a grimace when he noticed you finally see him. 

“Shit, did I hit you? I didn’t mean to!” He called up to you in a whisper shout. 

You stared down at him, and you swore you could feel your eye twitch as your annoyance doubled. “What the hell are you doing here?” You whisper-shouted back to him, leaning forward so your upper body was now completely hanging out the window.

“You wouldn’t give me your number!” He abandoned the whisper-shout, so now it was just a shout. You quickly shushed him, glancing back at your door and half expecting to see your mother there demanding to know who was yelling outside. Thankfully, she wasn’t. “Just come down here so we can talk!” He attempted to be quiet this time, beckoning for you to go meet him.

You rolled your eyes. Of course, he just had to show up right when you were about to get some much needed sleep. If you were a smart girl, you would have just shooed him away and went back to sleep, but you weren’t. There was something about Choi Yeonjun that made you desperate to hear what he had to say. 

So,  you let out a defeated huff. Without responding, you leaned back into your room, and picked out what was supposed to be a swimsuit cover to put on over your pajamas. Once you’d tiptoed through the house, careful not to wake your mother, you carefully opened the back door to see Yeonjun still standing in the bushes, calling up to your window like you might still be inside. You laughed softly at the sight, closing the door behind you.

When you stepped into the moonlight, he finally spotted you. “Oh! I didn’t know where you went. I thought you got sick of me and went back to sleep.” 

“Mm, I thought about it.” You hummed, folding your arms across your chest in an attempt to keep your coverup from blowing open from the soft ocean breeze. You watched as his eyes drifted down to your outfit, and he lifted an eyebrow.

“Cute pajamas.” He said.

Your face warmed. “Shut up.” 

He grinned.

“So, what are you doing here?” You asked, tilting your head at him as you got closer. 

“I told you. You didn’t give me your number earlier.” He replied, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

“So, you thought you would just show up here in the middle of the night, and I’d just give it to you?” 

“Duh. That was how Edward seduced Bella in Twilight.” 

“I really don’t think it was.” You laughed. “Also, Edward was a hot vampire who sparkled under the sunlight. You’re not quite on his level.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Ouch? You’re mean, Y/N, really mean.”

“Just to you.” You teased him, surprised at your own flirtiness. 

“How can I convince you to give me your number?” He whined. It was funny, a lot about him had changed in the last ten years, but at the same time, he was exactly the same. Annoying, whiny, but also cute. 

You eyed him carefully, taking note of how his features seemed to glow under the luminescence of the moon. He may not have been sparkly like Edward Cullen, but you thought he might be more beautiful than the vampire. “Prove it to me.” You said to him.

“Prove what?” 

“Prove to me that you’re not just some player, messing with me until you get bored and move onto the next girl.” The words tumbled out of your mouth, words you weren’t sure you were normally brave enough to say. But you did say them, and now your heart was racing, and you hoped you hadn’t said something wrong.

Yeonjun stared back at you, like a deer caught in headlights. “Is that what Jisu told you?” He asked, his voice coming out a bit quiet. 

You nodded, tightening the grip your arms held around your stomach. “She and Chaeryeong warned me, basically called you a whore…” Your voice trailed off, the last word basically a whisper. 

He said nothing for a minute, just continuing to stare back at you like you’d just dropped a huge bomb on him, then burst into laughter. “You date a few girls and suddenly you’re a whore… Sounds about right.” 

Now it was your turn to stare back at him, eyebrows furrowed as you waited for some kind of explanation. Finally, his eyes met your own confused ones, and his laughter dwindled. 

“Sorry. Look, I don’t know what Jisu told you, but it’s not true. I’m not some—some fuckboy that jumps from girl to girl.” He laughs nervously and runs a hand through his dark hair. 

“Then it shouldn’t be hard to prove it to me.” You replied, and once again, the air went quiet. 

Maybe you had been too bold. Maybe he really was just some player, looking to get a quick fix and move on, and you’d completely turned him off. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, if you had, since it would save you the hurt. On the other hand, the idea that he had set his sights on you when he first saw you at the bonfire just to hook up with you and drop you stung more than you liked to admit. 

The soft breeze that rolled in with the sea tousled its way through his hair, a few stray strands falling in front of the dark eyes that bored into your own. You thought he was just going to stand there forever, and never utter a single word to you, but then, to your surprise, there was movement. 

Before you had the chance to react, he was towering over you, and his fingers had hooked themselves under your chin to force you to look up at him. The moonlight reflecting off the back of his head caused him to look like he was glowing. 

“Y/N.” The drop in his tone sent goosebumps down your back. 

“Yeah?” You answered in the loudest voice you could conjure, which was barely a squeak. 

His eyes flickered between your own, like he was searching for something inside of them. “You’re not just some… Game to me. I want to get to know you. I want to take you on dates…” He leaned forward, so close you could feel his breath fan against the shell of your ear. “I want to kiss you.”

A shaky breath fell from your lips, and you were sure he could hear it. You wanted to kiss him, too. So badly that you wanted to cup the back of his neck and crash your mouth onto his right then and there. You upheld some restraint, though, keeping your arms pinned to your side. 

He pulled away from you, a sly smirk appearing on his lips that were very kissable, by the way. “Not now, though. If you give me your number, we’ll plan a date, and you can let me prove it to you, okay?”

It was like you were under some kind of spell, and the man glowing under the moonlight in front of you was some sort of sorcerer. You nodded dumbly. 

You caved in. You gave him your number. Then, he kissed your cheek, and bid you goodnight. Still in a daze, you watched as he disappeared into the night, leaving you alone in the sand with only the soft sounds of the waves rolling against the beach to keep you company. 

That was your first mistake. 

YEONJUN WASTED NO TIME IN texting you the following morning. You were just finishing eating some waffles with your mom when you heard your phone buzz against the table, and picked it up to see a text message from an unknown number. 

hey ;-)

It didn’t take a genius to know who that text had come from. 

When you saw the message, a giddy feeling overcame you, and before you knew it, you were releasing the most heinous giggle you had ever let out in your life. Your mom had given you an incredulous look when the noise slipped through your lips, and you gave her a quick shrug as an apology. 

You snuck off to your bedroom, collapsing onto the mattress stomach first. You looked like a girl straight out of some Disney Channel romcom, legs kicked up in the air behind you and your lip tucked between your teeth as you tried to bite back an embarrassingly wide smile. 

After Yeonjun left, you had barely gotten any sleep. All you could do was replay that moment over and over again, the way his warm breath felt against your skin, the low vibration of his voice so close to your ear, as he told you he wanted to kiss you… It sent shivers down your spine every time you thought about it, without fail. So, it was safe to say you had been anticipating his text message for hours.

You finally typed up a response, hitting the send button then anxiously staring back at your screen as you awaited a response. Like most phones due, the screen dimmed after about ten seconds of nothing happening, and you let out a defeated huff. Right as you were going to give up, and let it turn itself off, the screen brightened again, as a thought bubble appeared at the bottom of the screen.

wanna grab lunch today? a little birdy told me ur a big fan of jakes

You were no longer able to bite back the smile. The grin spread across your lips as you texted back a yes.

There was no point in driving from the house you stayed in over to Jake’s, since it was only about a ten minute walk, so you assumed you would just be meeting Yeonjun there. About fifteen minutes before you’re supposed to meet, though, you walk out the front door and are surprised to see the man of the hour standing on your porch, back leaning against one of the columns and phone in his hands that kept him from noticing your presence right away. 

He was wearing the most casual clothes you could imagine—a soft blue button up shirt and some shorts, but he still looked like he walked off the set of some modeling shoot. He still hadn’t noticed you, yet, typing away on his phone. Or maybe he had, and was teasing you. 

You cleared your throat, which was apparently enough to grab his attention as his head snapped up. “Oh, hey. I was just about to text you.” He grinned at you, and you tried to ignore the way his voice made your stomach churn. 

“What are you doing here? I thought we were going to meet there?” You asked bluntly. 

“I told you I would walk you there, didn’t I?” He tilted his head at you, and you shook your head. “Oh. Oops. Well, I’m walking you there.” He smiled, and pushed himself off of the column. 

You shook your head. “You didn’t have to do that.” You told him, as you started to descend the porch stairs. 

“I know. That’s what makes it so charming, isn’t it?” He hummed, following behind you. “You look nice, by the way. I like your dress.” 

The compliment slipped from him so casually, your face immediately felt hot. Your gaze drifted down to the little sun dress you had spent so long picking out, and now you were glad you had. “Thanks. You look nice, too.” You muttered. 

“What did you say?” He used his long legs to advantage, catching right up next to you so he could lean down close. He wasn’t nearly as close to you as he had been the night before, but it still flustered you, nonetheless.

“I said, your shoes are goofy.” You responded, pointing down to the Crocs he was wearing. 

He gasped. “You don’t rock with the crocs?” 

“Ew. If you say that ever again, I’m going to go home and block your number.” You laughed, your nose scrunched up in disgust. 

“You wouldn’t do that. You and I both know you can’t resist my charm.” He spoke confidently, basically puffing out his chest. 

You rolled your eyes at him, but you couldn’t help a small giggle. 

The two of you kept up the casual conversation on your venture to the diner, and you were surprised by how easy it was to talk to him. Even though you felt beyond nervous, the words fell smoothly from your lips, and by the time the two of you were situated in a booth inside Jake’s, you could feel the nerves melting away. 

It didn’t take long for them to resurface, though. Once your food was ordered, you were sitting directly across from him, and it was becoming harder and harder to avoid his intense gaze. Yeonjun was much more confident than you, his eyes locked onto yours, while your own eyes darted around to avoid him. 

The waiter brought over your drinks, and you noticed as he lowered onto the table that his nametag read Jake.

“Jake? Did you start working here because your name is Jake, or is your name Jake because you work here?” You asked him.

He smiled at you, and you thought he had a nice smile. “It’s funny, actually. My parents opened the place up before I was born, and called it Jake’s. Then, I was born, and they thought, ‘you know what would be a good name for our son? The name of our restaurant.’ Awful, right?” He asked you, and you giggled. 

“A really, really sad story.” Yeonjun pretended to pout, then his expression morphed into a nasty glare. Jake looked uneasy, giving you a small nod before returning to the kitchen. You frowned as you looked back at Yeonjun. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“He was totally flirting with you.” Yeonjun grumbled, tucking his straw between his lips.

“He was not. He was just being nice.” You rolled your eyes, and Yeonjun quirked his eyebrows up in response, like he was saying whatever, but he didn’t say anything else about the subject.

He cleared his throat. “So, you’re in college, right?” 

You nod. 

“You’ve gotta be graduating soon, I’m guessing? What’s your major?” He asked you, leaning back in his seat comfortably. 

“Environmental science.” You replied with a shrug. “What about you? Are you in school?” 

He winced at the question. “Nah. I tried it, after I graduated high school, but it just… It wasn’t for me.” He said, rubbing his arm. 

“I get that. It sucks, I honestly don’t know how I made it this far.” You laughed. “If you’re not in school, then what have you been up to?”

His cheeks started to redden. “Uh, I work at a phone store…” 

You could tell he was hiding something else. “That��s it?” You tried to encourage him to keep going. 

“No… Promise you won’t laugh…” 

“I promise.” You leaned forward, becoming intrigued. 

He pulled his lips into a tight line, before letting out a deep breath. “Okay, I post dance covers online. I’m trying to get scouted.” He confessed, and for the first time since you’d come on this trip, it looked like he was the nervous one. 

Before you could stop yourself, you let out a laugh. 

“You just said you wouldn’t laugh!” He shouted at you accusingly, and you quickly shook your head. 

“No, no, I’m not laughing at the dance! I just thought it was funny that you were acting all shy about it!” You jumped to exclaim, your hands instinctively darting out to hold his wrists. “I think it’s really cool!” 

He eyed you suspiciously, before his gaze lowered to your hands. You pulled them away, afraid you were making him uncomfortable, but he grabbed ahold of one of them before it got too far.

You flushed. “So, you dance? How long have you been doing that?” You grabbed your drink to take a big gulp, suddenly feeling very hot.

He hummed in thought, his cool demeanor quickly making a reappearance. “I think I started when I was 12? I’m not sure. I’ve been doing it so long, it’s hard to keep track.” He told you, dark eyes trained on your hands. “In college--the one year I was there--I was a part of the school’s dance team. But, something happened, and I decided it wasn’t for me.” 

“What happened?”

“You don’t want to hear about all of that. Trust me, it’ll bore you.” He gave you a reassuring smile, and you didn’t want to push him to talk about it, instead just giving him a short nod. “So, graduating next year, huh? Is that why you decided to come visit for the Summer?” 

Not exactly, you thought to yourself, but you weren’t exactly ready to drop all the gritty details about the last few months of your life, and your parents’ messy divorce onto him. Instead, you settled on a “yep”, and took another sip of your drink. 

That was how most of the rest of your lunch went. Discussing the little details of your lives with one another, but purposefully leaving out the stuff he didn’t really need to know about. When Jake came back to give you your food, Yeonjun once again glared at him as though he could ignite him with his eyes if he tried hard enough, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong that you could think of. You wondered if they knew each other and had some past drama with one another, or maybe he was just incredibly jealous.

Throughout the date, you hadn’t been able to decide why Jisu had been so adamant about warning you to stay away from Yeonjun. Sure, maybe at first you got a bit of those vibes from him, but it didn’t take much conversation to prove he was more than all of that. He was genuinely sweet, and you could feel he really cared about you. You challenged him to prove himself to you, and he was already winning the challenge. 

He walked you back to your house, his hand brushing dangerously close against yours the whole way. You wished he would just grab it and hold onto it the way he did back at the restaurant. He didn’t, though. Instead he kept teasing you, bumping his fingers a giant your own, and acting as though he was oblivious to the contact. 

“Thank you for lunch.” You told him once the two of you had made it back to your porch, where you knew your mother was spectating from one of the windows. 

“Thanks for coming with me.” He smiled down at you, and of course, his charming smile made your stomach flutter. 

The two of you stood awkwardly, neither quite sure what to say, but what you were sure of was neither of you were ready to say goodbye yet. 

“So? Have I proved myself to you yet?” He asked. 

You hummed in response, knowing your answer was without a doubt yes, but you weren’t ready to tell him that. “I’m not sure. I think it’s going to take a few more burgers. Maybe a milkshake…” 

He laughed. “Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow, and you nodded. “Okay. I’ll buy you as many burgers as my phone store salary can afford.” 

“And a milkshake?”

“And a milkshake.” He suddenly reached out and tapped his finger against your nose, startling you to the point you jumped at the touch. He giggled at your reaction. 

The familiar tune of an Ariana Grande song started playing, and you watched with furrowed brows as he dug his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at you with a knowing look before answering the call.

You watched as he talked on the phone, presumably to Beomgyu or Wooyoung, once again finding yourself admiring his beauty. You could look at Yeonjun a million times, and never get over how gorgeous he was. In your twenty-one years on Earth, you’d never wanted to kiss someone so bad. A part of you thought maybe he would do it now, on your doorstep, but you also knew it wasn’t time. Besides, you didn’t want to share your first kiss with him in broad daylight where your mother was watching. 

“You’re such an idiot, Beomgyu… Alright, alright! I’m on my way!” He hung up the phone, a frustrated groan escaping from his mouth. “I’m sorry, Y/N, my friends are idiots who apparently don’t know how to make ramen in the microwave.” He rolled his eyes. 

“It’s okay. I’ve had stupid friends, too, I understand.” You smiled at him, reaching out to pat his arm comfortingly. 

Just like the night before, he bent down to kiss your cheek, and just like the night before, you were desperate for more. “Okay. I’ll text you later, alright?”

“Yeah. Later.”

YEONJUN DID NOT TEXT YOU BACK LATER. When your mother dragged you out to the beach again, you kept your phone close to you, nearly falling out of your beach chair every time it buzzed. But, never did one of the buzzes belong to the person you were most waiting for. 

When you and your mother visited a local barbecue restaurant for dinner, you turned your phone off completely, hoping that pretending to be uninterested would make the text come faster. About halfway through eating, though, you excused yourself to the bathroom and powered your phone back up, waiting for the text to come through. 

It didn’t. 

When you couldn’t sleep, once again, you crept over to your window and half hoped he would be down there, and throw a pebble at you again. At first, you thought you saw him standing in the beach grass, but it was just an old fence post. No matter how hard you tried to will it, he wasn’t coming, and he wasn’t going to text you. 

You’d given up all hope by the time you woke up, and there was no message. Honestly, you were prepared to sit around all day and feel dejected, but thank god for Choi Jisu and Lee Chaeryeong. Apparently, there was going to be a big party that night, and they wanted the three of you to go together. And, lucky for you, a party was the perfect way to get Choi Yeonjun out of your head. 

“So, you got lunch with Yeonjun yesterday?” Jisu asked you, the question causing you to flinch and nearly stab your own ear with your earring. You were all currently in Jisu’s room, getting ready for the big party. 

“How did you know about that?” You slowly glanced over at her, slipping the earring through your piercing. 

Jisu shrugged. “It’s a small town, Y/N. Word travels fast.” She paused, looking over at Chaeryeong. “Plus, Chaer’s boyfriend works at Jake's.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Chaeryeong immediately exploded, and Jisu rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, sure he’s not. But, he said he saw Yeonjun come in with a girl, but he didn’t know her name, so we put two and two together.” Jisu explained. 

“Oh. Well, yeah, I did… Are you mad?” You meekly asked, shifting your gaze towards her to gauge her reaction. 

Jisu froze for a moment, a finger pressed against her lips as though she was deep in thought. “Hmm… No. I’m not mad.” She decided after a minute. “If you really, fully believe that he’s not playing you, then I’m happy for you. He’s a good guy, just really, really, really deep down.” 

Chaeryeong giggled, and you frowned. “Thank you, Jisu. Really. Although, you might be right…”

“What?! What happened? I’ll kill him!” Jisu exclaimed, flipping around to face you. 

“Nothing! It’s just… He told me he was going to text me yesterday, after our lunch, and he never did.” You averted her gaze, realizing how stupid it all sounded the minute the words left your mouth. The two of you had barely been apart for 24 hours, it was normal for him not to text you, right? You probably sounded insane and boy-crazy.

Your friends didn’t think so, though. 

“What?! He’s such an ass! The least you can do after harassing a girl for her number is text her!” Chaeryeong’s outburst instantly made you feel much better about your insecurities.

“What a loser. See, Y/N, I told you!” Jisu pointed at you scoldingly as she made her way over to her vanity. 

“But that doesn’t mean he’s a player, right? We haven’t even kissed. If he was just messing with me, he would have at least tried to have gotten something before he ghosted me, right?” You started rambling, the fear that you really had been played overcoming you.

Chaeryeong shrugged. “Maybe he’s a different kind of whore. Maybe he just wants emotional attention, not physical stuff.” She suggested, which made you feel even worse.

Jisu must have noticed you starting to freak out, as she let out a sigh and returned to be by your side. “Hey. He’s probably just an idiot who forgot. That doesn’t make him a fuckboy, it just makes him stupid. But if he is purposefully ghosting you, then he’s even more of an idiot, and you should just forget about him.” She rubbed your shoulder, and gave you a soft smile through the mirror you stood in front of. 

“Either way, he’s stupid.” Chaeryeong pointed out, and the three of you started nodding in affirmation. 

With all of that in mind, the three of you finished getting ready, and headed over to the party. You weren’t sure if Yeonjun was going to be there, but you hoped he was. Jisu and Chaeryeong had helped you pick out the perfect floral top, and a cute little skirt to go with it. You could confidently say that you looked good. A smaller part of you hoped he wasn’t there, though, because you deserved at least one night to yourself without thinking of him. 

The party, you discovered, was being hosted by none other than Jake, the waiter you had met the day before. Apparently, his parents always took a trip for one week in the Summer, and on the Saturday of that week, he always threw a huge party. It had become a tradition. And, more importantly, the Sim family owned a huge house right on the beach, which made it the perfect spot to party. 

“Wow. So, Jake’s family is rich.” You breathed out once you all made it to the destination. You thought they had been over exaggerating about the estate, but they were rather under exaggerating. 

“Yep. Aside from the diner, Jake’s dad owns tons of real estate in the area. The burger shop is more of a hobby for him.” Chaeryeong explained to you, looking over with a big smile. 

You nodded in understanding, shifting your gaze back over to take in the size of the house once again. 

“Chaeryeong!” The three of you craned your necks in unison to see a guy you recognized from the diner approaching your little group. “I’m glad you made it. Save me a dance?” He grinned down at her, and though it was dark outside, you swore you could see your friend start to blush.

It was cute, you hadn’t really seen her get so shy before. You assumed he must have been her “boyfriend” from the diner Jisu was talking about. “In your dreams, Seungmin.” She replied, her hand coming up to push against his shoulder. 

Seungmin laughed, then looked over to you and Jisu. “Hey, Ji. And hey…?”

“Y/N.” You filled in, giving him a polite smile. 

“Ahh, so you’re Y/N. Chaeryeong was telling me about you.” He said with a nod, and you shot Chaeryeong a questioning glance. 

“Good things, I swear.” She was quick to reassure you, then shot Seungmin a glare.

“Yep! Good things only! Like how you were so drunk you thought you had caught on fire.”

“Chaer!” You scolded your friend as Jisu and Seungmin started to laugh together. She shrugged in response, giving you a weak smile. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N! It was just a funny story, you have to admit!” She giggled, and you rolled your eyes. “Come on, I know what will cheer you up!” 

You huffed, slumping your shoulders dramatically as you followed her, Jisu and Seungmin inside. You were surprised by how many people had turned up to the party, you didn’t even know that many people lived in the little beach town. Though, you supposed some of them might have been vacationing there, the same as you. 

Your friends led you back to the drinks—aka the back porch, where a keg had been set up as well as a table filled with all sorts of stuff. You were nearly kicked in the face as a girl swung her legs into the air to do a handstand on the keg, and a small group of people started to cheer loudly for her. You wove your way in and out of the small crowd, and over towards the table to get a drink. 

“Here. Let me make you all the Jisulada.” Jisu announced, grabbing four plastic cups and placing them in a line in front of her. You watched as she began to combine random ingredients into the cups, and you could feel your stomach churn at the sight. 

“There’s no real recipe. She just adds random shit every time.” Seungmin leaned down to inform you, and you laughed as you watched her pump random bottles of syrup. 

“And yet, somehow it’s always delicious.” Chaeryeong watched Jisu with furrowed eyebrows, complexed as to how all the ingredients could turn out good. 

Jisu handed you each a cup. “Cheers!” 

You all bumped your plastic cups against each other, then took a sip. Chaeryeong was right, the drink was actually pretty good. It was too bad Jisu made it up on the spot, and probably wouldn’t be able to teach it to you. 

Once you had your drinks, Seungmin and Chaeryeong split off to go talk alone, leaving just you and Jisu. You two wandered back into the house, finding an empty patch of wall to lean against that was just far enough from the speaker you could hear each other talk.

Just as you were finishing the last sip of your drink, you finally saw him. He was just wearing a dark blue button up shirt and a pair of shorts, but just like everything else he wore, he managed to make it look like high fashion. He was with Beomgyu and Wooyoung, as expected, arriving fashionably late. And it was a good thing he did, since he managed to capture the attention of everyone at the party. 

You watched him with hopeful eyes as he walked through the room, waiting for him to look in your direction and come talk to you, but he never did. Next thing you knew, he was gone just as quickly as he arrived. You swore you could feel your eye twitch. 

“Y/N…” Jisu started, as though she could read your mind. 

“It’s fine.” You waved her off, tilting your cup as much as you could to get every last drop of the drink. “Can you make me another Jisucolada?”

“Jisulada.” She corrected. 

“Yeah, one of those.” You grumbled, and Jisu frowned. 

“How about we go do some dancing instead?” She suggested, pulling your hands into her own. “We’re here to have fun, right? Not to think about my stupid cousin.” 

You sighed. “I guess you’re right. And, they’re playing a really good song right now.” 

Jisu grinned, and started shaking your hands. “That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s dance!” Before you got the chance to change your mind, she dragged you out into the sea of people, and gave you no choice but to dance with her. 

As you jumped around to the beat of the music, you could feel the effects of her Jisulada starting to kick in. Your head was starting to feel fuzzy, and you were fighting the urge to giggle at every little thing going on around you. When you thought about Yeonjun, you wanted to giggle. When you thought about Chaeryeong and Seungmin and felt the need to giggle. When you thought of your mom, all alone at the house with a book and a bottle of wine to keep her company, since your stupid dad had to abandon you guys, you couldn’t fight it anymore and started to giggle. 

You weren’t sure what Jisu had thrown into the drink, but it was working wonders for you. 

A finger touched your shoulder and you spun around, prepared to punch someone in the face. You relaxed, though, when you were met with the familiar smile of Jake the waiter. 

“Oh my god, Jake! You gave me a heart attack!” You exclaimed, and once again started to laugh. 

“Sorry. Y/N, right?” He managed to ask over the loud music, and you nodded. “I didn’t know you were friends with Jisu.” 

“Yep! BFFs from childhood.” You told him, slowing down your jumping so you could properly talk to him. Jisu, however, kept dancing, seeming to completely ignore the conversation. 

Jake nodded in understanding. “You used to live here?” 

“No. My family used to come every summer.” You responded. “And then we stopped, because… Actually, I don’t know why we stopped. But my mom and I decided to come back.” You giggled again, and watched as he chuckled down at you. 

“Cool, cool. So you’re here all summer?” 

“‘Til August 27th!” You sang. 

“Well, from now on, if you come into the diner while I’m working, I’ll start giving you a discount.” 

You gasped. “Really? You’d do that?” You looked at him with wide eyes, and he nodded. “Good, because I love those burgers. Damn, now that I think about it, I could really go for a burger right now.” You realized, your hand falling to your stomach as your mind wandered off to the thought of stuffing a burger in your mouth. 

“Hey, tell you what, you stick around another hour, we can ditch this party early and go get one.” He nudged you, and you thought you were going to explode from excitement. 

“Oh my gosh, that would be so awesome. A post-party burger sounds amazing.” 

“Hi, Y/N.” A familiar voice greeted you from behind, and you felt the color drain from your face. You slowly turned to see the man you both most wanted to see and least wanted to see standing behind you, and he didn’t look too happy. You didn’t feel much like giggling anymore. 

Jake let out a nervous laugh. “Uh, I’ll talk to you later, Y/N.”

“No you won’t.” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, and Jake gave him one last glare before slipping into the crowd. You glanced to your side, hoping to find Jisu still dancing beside you, but she had disappeared as well, leaving you alone with Yeonjun. 

He wasted no time in grabbing ahold of your wrist, and dragging you out of the crowd of dancing people. “What the fuck are you doing?!” You shouted over the music, and although you were pissed he just forced you to leave, you weren’t exactly fighting him. He didn’t respond, though, just kept walking with his eyes narrowed and hand held tightly around your wrist. 

Once he got you outside, though, he led you down to the side of the house, and finally decided to talk. He dropped your arm, turning to face you with a burning expression. “What are you doing here, Y/N?” 

“Um, partying? The same as everyone else.” 

“No, I mean here. At fucking Jake’s party.” He spat. 

Your expression turned cold. “What? Am I not supposed to be? You’re also here, aren’t you?” You snapped at him. He pressed his lips together tightly. “You don’t get to fucking ignore me for a whole day then act like a big, jealous baby, Yeonjun.” 

“I wasn’t ignoring you.” He groaned in frustration, reaching up to run a hand through his silky hair. “It’s complicated, Y/N, you don’t get it.”

“Then make it uncomplicated!” You shouted into his face. “You told me you were serious about wanting to get to know me, and you weren’t just playing with me, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way.” 

He rolled his eyes at you, and you couldn’t help but scoff. “You’re the one flirting with another guy out in the open for everyone to see.” He pointed out, his finger following suit. 

“Oh my god, I was not flirting with him!” You explained in exasperation, leaning back against the side of the house. You couldn’t believe how ridiculous he was acting, but you were pretty sure the smell of alcohol wafting off of him had something to do with it. “Besides, even if I was, it doesn’t matter. Because we are not dating. We went on one date, and you didn’t text me back when you said you would, and you didn’t even kiss me--”

“Is that what you want? You want me to kiss you?” He raised both of his eyebrows at you, as if you were asking for something so stupid. 

“Yes!” You didn’t mean to sound so desperate, like you were begging for it, but you couldn’t help it. For days, all you had been able to think about was what it would feel like to have his lips on your own, to run your fingers through those locks of his, and to have your body pressed flush against his own. So, yeah, no matter how badly you wanted to hide it, you couldn’t deny just how desperate you were. 

He froze for a moment, then stalked over towards you. Your heart started to hammer against your chest in anticipation when one of his hands slid past your face to prop him up against the wall, caging you beneath him. The other cupped your cheek, and he leaned down so close that your noses bumped against each other. “Tell me again, Y/N. Tell me what you want.” You felt his breath fan against your lips, and even though you were supposed to be mad at him--you were supposed to be pissed--you could feel yourself crumbling. 

“I want you to kiss me.” You whispered, blinking up at him through your eyelashes. 

His eyes searched your own, his breath seemingly caught in the back of his throat. It looked like he was having some sort of internal battle with himself, on whether or not he should kiss you. God, if he left you hanging again, you were going to knee him right between his legs before he got the chance. “Fuck it.” He breathed out, then (finally) smashed his lips against your own. 

There was an urgency in the way he kissed you, his grip on your cheek tightening and his lips rough against yours, like he was going to starve to death if he didn’t get a taste of you. There was just as much desperation on your end, though, as one of your hands crawled up his shoulder and the other began to entangle itself in the hair that fell right at the back of his neck. 

Just as you had predicted, kissing him was electrifying. Every inch of your skin his fingers came into contact with felt like it was being lit ablaze. You were perfectly in sync with him, and your lips melded together as though they had been made for the other. You had kissed people before, but nothing had ever come close to this. 

He pushed you so you were pressed flush against the wall, and the hand that had been propping himself up before found a new home on your waist. You clung to him tightly, and if you pulled him any closer against yourself, you were sure your bodies would melt into one another. Still, you raised one of your legs and wrapped your leg around his hip, and you felt him grunt against your lips at the contact. 

After what felt like an eternity, he pulled away from the kiss, briefly pausing to look down at you. His lips were puffy, his eyes were heavy with lust, and he looked absolutely gorgeous. He leaned back down, only to attach his lips to your neck this time. Your breathing grew deeper as he peppered your skin with kisses, and an occasional nip with his teeth. 

“I’m sorry. For not texting you.” He breathed against your skin between kisses. 

You weren’t totally sure if you forgave him or not, yet, but your lips moved faster than your brain did. “It’s okay.” You replied breathlessly, and bit your lip to hold back any noises when his mouth found a particularly sensitive spot. 

He leaned up and away from your neck, so his face was in line with your own again. “Don’t talk to Jake anymore, okay?” He asked, and you immediately nodded. He smiled, and dove back in to connect your lips for one more kiss. “You’re mine.” He whispered against your mouth, and once again, you caught yourself nodding fervently. 

“You’re all mine.” 

YOU STARTED SEEING YEONJUN MORE REGULARLY AFTER THE PARTY. In the deep hours of the night, he would appear outside your bedroom window, trying to throw pebbles at your window and missing every one. One night, he even attempted to crawl up the trellis lining the side of the house, but a piece broke off and he fell before he got the chance. You would usually end up sitting on the porch swing on the backside of your house, talking and… Kissing. 

You hated yourself for ever letting Jisu get into your head. Yeonjun had proved to you over and over again that he was interested in you for more than just hooking up, that he had genuine feelings for you. It made the realization that the summer would end in two months, and you would be going back to the city, sting. So, you decided not to think about it. Which was easy, because when you were with Yeonjun, he was just about all you could think about. 

“Did you tell your mom I broke the trellis?” He asked you a few nights after he’d tried to scale the side of the house, a grin playing on his perfect lips. 

You giggled, shaking your head. The two of you were sitting opposite of each other, out on the swing. “No. I told her I didn’t know anything about it. Must have been a wild animal.” You told him, and he laughed at that. 

“Okay, good. It’s bad enough that you witnessed that, I don’t need anybody else knowing about it.” He said, reaching up to rub the back of your neck. 

“Oh. Well, I definitely didn’t tell Jisu and Chaer about it, then.” 

He paled. “Y/N! Now Jisu’s gonna tell her mom and she’s gonna tell my mom! They’re all gonna bully the shit out of me!” He whined, leaning forward to lightly hit your knee. 

“Maybe you deserve it.” You shrugged, and broke into a smile when he looked at you with the saddest look he could muster up. “Aw, you poor baby. I’m joking, I didn’t tell them…” You leaned forward, putting your lips close to his ear. “That can stay between us.” 

When you started to pull away, he caught the nape of your neck in his hand, looking at you with one of his eyebrows cocked up. “You promise?” He asked, using his other hand to hold up a pinky. 

You were immediately flustered by the proximity. You could feel your face getting hot, and your heartbeat in your ears as your wide eyes darted down to look at his pinky. Slowly, you lifted up your own, looping it together with his. “I promise.” The words came out barely above a whisper, and a thick silence filled the air.

For a second, you thought he was going to kiss you, as he leaned forward close enough to brush his nose against yours. But, then he pulled away, a smirk finding its way onto his lips as he observed your reaction.  

“You’re cute.” He said, unlacing his pinky from your own so he could poke the tip of your nose. He let go of you, leaning back against the arms of the bench to laugh at you. 

You frowned, then smacked his chest. “Shut up! I hate you so much!” Now you were the one whining, all the while he kept giggling at your reaction. 

“Come on, we all know that’s not true.” He said matter-of-factly, sitting back up so his face was closer to you again. 

“It is. I seriously hate you, Choi Yeonjun.” You replied, folding your arms across your chest. 

He tilted his head, and gently laced his hand through one of yours. He pulled it away from your chest, then rose it up to his lips. “Do you hate me when I do this?” He asked, then placed a kiss against your knuckles. 

You turned your head away. “Yes.” You said defiantly. 

You could feel the swing shift as he scooted closer to you, and this time he kissed your cheek. “Do you hate me when I do this?” 

You nodded, keeping your head turned away from him. “Yep.” 

His breath was hot against your jaw when he pressed his lips there next, asking the question again. Only this time, you were starting to get so hot and bothered, you barely heard him ask. You just nodded quickly, swallowing hard. 

Finally, two of his fingers pressed against the other side of your jaw, and gently turned you to look at him. “What about…” He leaned forward, touching his nose against your own just like he had done a minute earlier. “When I do…” His breath fanned against your lips, and you couldn’t take it anymore. “Thi-”

You cut him off by taking charge, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. Honestly, from the minute you first heard him trying to throw pebbles at your window, you had been dying to kiss him. Really, kissing Yeonjun was one of the only things on your mind since Jake’s party. The feeling of lips on yours like a drug, and you were past the point of calling yourself addicted. 

He must have been wanting it just as bad as you, as he wasted no time slipping his hands onto your waist and pulling you onto his lap. Your hands rested on his shoulders, steadying yourself as the swing started to gently sway from all the movement. His fingers sliding under your t-shirt and finding home on the skin of your waist feel like tiny little wildfires lighting every inch they brush over ablaze. 

You felt like you were going crazy, like you were some kind of feral animal that found its next meal. All you could think about was how you wanted—no, needed—more of him. It was like your body had gone into autopilot, as your fingers moved from his shoulders down to the hem of his shirt, which you found yourself toying with. 

He paused for a minute, pulling back from the kiss to look at you. His lips were swollen from your kisses, and his dark hair was disheveled, his bangs falling in the way of his eyes. Yeonjun always looked good, that wasn’t up for debate. But, it was nothing compared to how he looked right now. Right now, the only word that came to mind to describe him was perfect. 

He dove back into your lips, and you were starting to have a difficult time keeping up with him. If you had to guess, Yeonjun was a lot more experienced than you. Sure, you’d had a few make out sessions in your life, but never enough to consider yourself an expert, and you’d never done anything further than that. His mouth moved with such expertise, his tongue prodding against your lips to let you in, you were starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. 

When his hand slipped up under your shirt, that’s when you knew you were in trouble. As much as you were enjoying it, you forced yourself to pull away from him. He quickly retracted his hand, gazing up at you with furrowed brows. 

“Sorry, I—, I think we should slow down for just a minute.” You breathed out, letting a nervous laugh slip past your swollen lips. 

He nodded. “Yeah, okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything—“

“‘—No! That’s not it!” You cut him off, tightening your grip on his shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not very… Experienced in this stuff…” I’m scared, you thought, but you didn’t dare tell him that out loud. 

“I understand, don’t worry about it.” He leaned forward and gave you a gentle peck that made your heart swell. “So… Are you…?”

Your face grew hot. You nodded in response, too embarrassed to say the words yes, I’m a virgin out loud. You were about to graduate college in the next year, and you were still a virgin. Everyone always told you it was nothing to be ashamed of, but you still couldn’t help being a bit embarrassed when the subject came up. 

“Oh, okay. Well, don’t be afraid to tell me if you don’t want to do something. I want you to be comfortable no matter what, okay?” He stared you dead in the eyes, like he was looking for any sign of hesitation. 

You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you nodded in understanding. “Okay.” You said quietly, and he smiled at your answer. You couldn’t believe how sweet he was being about the whole thing. Surely he had to have some sort of flaw, right?

With that, he leaned in to kiss you just one more time, only this time it was a lot more gentle and intimate than your previous kisses. It was the kind of kiss that gave you butterflies, the kind of kiss that made you realize you might be falling in love with him. 

Oh, god. You were falling in love with Choi Yeonjun.

ONE THING ABOUT JISU WAS SHE LOVED PLANNING PARTIES. So, when her friend Keena’s twentieth birthday rolled around, she practically leapt at the opportunity to plan something. You hardly knew Keena, you’d only met her a few times through Jisu, but your friend insisted you come to the party anyway. According to her, it was going to be a huge party, and everyone was going to be there anyway, so it wasn’t going to be weird! 

It had been about a week since your revelation. You were falling in love with Yeonjun, and you were falling in love fast. The realization terrified you. 

The only time you’d seen love had been with your parents, until you found out they weren’t as in love as you previously thought, since your dad had been hooking up with your housekeeper. He might not have loved your mother anymore, but you knew she still loved him. You saw it in the way she was still fighting to get over him, even now. 

The thought of falling in love, and having to experience the same heartbreak you watched your mom go through for the last few months made you feel sick. So, out of fear, you had been sort of avoiding Yeonjun for the last week. Which was kind of hypocritical of you, considering you had gotten angry at him for doing that to you before. But, at least you had a good reason, right? 

Tonight, though, at Keena’s party, it was more than likely he would be there. Part of you was excited to see him, and had been missing him, while the other part was scared of confrontation, and having to explain to him why you had been avoiding him. 

“Y/N, could you pass me that bag of Doritos?” Jisu’s sweet voice yanked you out of your sea of thoughts, reminding you that you were supposed to be helping her set up for the party, not thinking about Yeonjun. 

“Did you get enough chips?” Chaeryeong asked incredulously as Jisu popped open the bag and began to pour them into a plastic bowl.

Jisu rolled her eyes. “This house is going to be filled with a bunch of guys that are just finishing puberty. Trust me, in my experience planning parties, they eat a lot.” 

Keena, who was wearing a ‘Birthday Girl’ tiara on top of her head, let out a small giggle. “True. Umm, speaking of guys…” She paused for a minute, looking over at Jisu nervously. “Do you know if Yeonjun is coming tonight?” 

Everyone froze. Including you, who nearly choked on your own spit. 

“Oh. Uhh, no, I’m not really sure…” Jisu answered, then glanced over at you. “Y/N might know, though.” 

Keena furrowed her eyebrows. “What? Why might Y/N know?” She asked slowly, her intense gaze flickering between you and Jisu. Then, you watched as her eyes widened, and the answer seemed to dawn on her. “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t know you and Yeonjun were--”

“It’s fine.” You quickly waved her off. “You know what? I think I’m gonna go check on the drinks really quick. Just make sure everything is in its place.” You forced the best smile you could muster up, and started to leave. 

“Oh, I’ll come with you! I think I left my bracelet out there earlier.” Chaeryeong raced after you, and you had a feeling she was as desperate as you were to escape the awkward tension that had suddenly filled the air. 

The two of you slipped out the door and into the backyard, where all the different soda and alcoholic drinks Jisu had gotten were being stored. With a long sigh, you bent down and opened up one of the coolers. You half considered dipping your head into the ice in an attempt to calm yourself down, but then you would ruin the makeup you had spent so much time on. 

Chaeryeong watched you awkwardly, toying with a ring on her finger. “They made out once. Last summer. At a bonfire.” She suddenly spoke up. 

You looked back at her over your shoulder. “What?” 

“Keena and Yeonjun. I think she’s had a crush on him since forever, and they made out last summer. I think that’s why she was asking.” She explained. 

“He kissed her?” You asked in disbelief. “How many girls that are coming tonight has he made out with?” 

She shrugged. “Like, 6. There are a few guys, too, I think.” 

You groaned, and the idea of sticking your head in the cooler was sounding more and more like a good idea. 

“But, you really shouldn’t worry!” Chaeryeong was quick to reassure you, kneeling down next to you. “He always ended up ghosting them after. I’ve seen Yeonjun kiss a lot of people, but I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you!” She smiled, and rubbed your back reassuringly. 

You looked over at her. “Really?” 

She nodded. “Really. I know it sounds so cliche, but he’s… Different, around you. I really think you’re more than just a quick hookup to him.” 

She was right. It was so cliche. And she was probably just saying it to make you feel better, but it still made your heart swell up. You couldn’t help smiling back at her, leaning into her touch. 

“Thanks, Chaer.” It was hard to remember that you would be leaving her at the end of the summer, and probably rarely talk to her again after that. Your old friends back at home would never have been able to cheer you up the way she did. In fact, you could hear Haeun’s voice now, telling you he’s just a manwhore, Y/N! There’s no way he’s into you! 

You wished you could stay there forever. 

The door flew open, and your little hug was broken as the two of you jumped to turn around and look. There was Jisu, standing with her hands on her hips. “Could you at least close the cooler? You’re going to melt all of the ice!” She snapped at the two of you. “And come back in here! We need to get the beer pong table set up before people start arriving!” 

You and Chaeryeong shared a brief amused look. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re coming.” She rolled her eyes, standing up. 

Initially, you had gone out there to escape from the insecurity starting to inflate inside of you, but thanks to Chaeryeong’s words, you were starting to feel a whole lot more secure in your relationship with Yeonjun. Who cared if he kissed Keena a year ago, and she was still into him?

Yeonjun had his eyes on you. Not Keena. And if what Chaeryeong had said was true, that he was different towards you… Maybe there was a small chance he was falling for you, too. 

There was nothing to worry about…

Right?

KEENA’S PARTY WAS EVEN BIGGER THAN YOU’D ANTICIPATED. It seemed like there were as many people as were at Jake’s party, if not more. You doubted everyone there knew Keena, and were intending to celebrate her birthday. Most of them were probably just looking for a good time. 

You had been hoping to run into Yeonjun soon. You wanted to apologize, and explain why you had been so distant the past week. After you had gotten so angry at him for doing the same thing to you, an explanation was what he deserved, right? 

So far, though, you had yet to see him anywhere. You wondered if maybe he had decided not to show up after all. If you’d learned one thing about Yeonjun, though, it was that he was not one to miss a party. Especially not a rager like this one. So, you knew he was somewhere in the house, it was just a question of where. 

You had just finished combing through the kitchen unsuccessfully when you wandered over towards the beer pong table, releasing a frustrated sigh. You were prepared to give up and just text him and ask where he was, but that’s when you saw him. 

No, not Yeonjun. It was Beomgyu, playing a game of beer pong with some random people you didn’t know. Relief washed over you as you trudged over to him, praying that your search was nearing its end. 

“Beomgyu!” You called out, then realized he had just been preparing to toss his ball, and your shout had totally thrown him off. He frowned as the ball bounced off the edge of a cup, and the perfect throw he’d been aiming for was ruined forever.

With a defeated sigh, he finally looked in your direction. “Y/N? You wanna play, or something?” He asked, gesturing to the cups. 

“No, I’m not very good. Uh, no, I was just going to ask if you knew where Yeonjun was?” You smiled hopefully at him. 

He tapped a finger to his lips, as though he was deep in thought. “Hmm, no. Wait! Yes, last time I saw him he was out on the back porch. Actually, that might have been Wooyoung… No-no, it was definitely Yeonjun. Yeah, he’s out on the back porch.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?” Clearly, he had been playing too much beer pong, and was already drunk.

“Yeah, one hundred percent, lady. Oh, if you see him, will you ask where he put my Air Force Ones? I know he stole them, I just don’t know where he’s hiding them.”

You blinked, then nodded slowly. Yeah, you weren’t really sure just how reliable Beomgyu was, but it was the closest thing you had to a lead at that point. “Sure. I’ll ask.”

With that, you started walking away, ready to wrap up the conversation, but before you got the chance, Beomgyu caught your wrist. He tugged you back, a bit closer to him, then leaned in close so you could feel his breath on your ear. 

“Be careful around him, Y/N.”

You felt the hair on the back of your neck stand up. “What?” You whispered. 

He smiled. “I said have fun with him, Y/N! Bye!” He let go of your wrist, and returned to the game, leaving you standing there dumbfounded. 

Be careful around him. He really said that, didn’t he? You hadn’t imagined it? He had recovered from it so nonchalantly, and returned to his game without any hesitation, you wondered if maybe you were going crazy and hallucinated it. During your time exploring the party, you’d had a few drinks, so maybe you were just a little intoxicated. 

For now, you decided to just ignore it. Instead, you started to make your way up through the house, and in the direction of the back porch. You were glad you did decide to have a few drinks, otherwise your nerves might have been on fire. Granted, you weren’t completely relaxed, but your hands weren’t shaking, so that was a good sign. 

You pushed through the crowd of people until you finally found yourself out on the back porch where you had been hiding out with Chaeryeong earlier in the day. 

I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you!

Be careful around him, Y/N.

You shook your head, trying to shake the voices of your friends loose from your mind. 

Finally, you spotted him. He was leaning up against the railing, appearing to be deep in conversation with someone, but you couldn’t see who. Then, the person blocking your view moved out of the way, and your heart sank. Suddenly, you wished you hadn’t seen him. 

He was talking to Keena, who had her hand resting on his arm, and was leaning in close to laugh about something he said. And the worst part was, he wasn’t trying to get her to move, or anything like that. No, instead he leaned down as well, so their faces were practically inches away from each other as their loud laughter drifted across the patio to you. 

You were trying really, really hard not to think the worst, but you couldn’t help it. She was basically all over him, and he wasn’t doing anything about it. 

But what did you expect? It wasn’t like he was your boyfriend or anything. 

You made the mistake of standing and staring for too long, though. Because he must have felt your gaze burning into the side of his face, and glanced in your direction. Except the glance turned into a wide-eyed stare when he realized it was you watching them. 

He started to say something to Keena, peeling her hands off of him, but you were out of there before you saw what happened next. You spun around on your heel and stormed back into the house, feeling tears brim in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know why you were crying. You were the one who had stopped talking to him for the last week. You had come clean and told him you were a virgin. It was no wonder he had gotten bored of you and moved onto someone else.

You turned down a hallway, and threw open the first door to a bedroom you found. There was a couple making out on the bed, who jumped when you flung the door open, then glared at you. “Excuse you, can’t you see we’re in the middle of something?” One of the girls asked. 

“Go do it somewhere else!” You snapped at her, and she scoffed at your exclamation. 

“Listen, girl, we were here first--”

“Give us the room!” You didn’t even notice him come up behind you. With an annoyed groan, you buried your face in your palms. This room was supposed to be your escape from him, and now he was ruining it. You had half a mind to elbow him in the stomach. 

The girls rolled their eyes, but were apparently not in the mood to argue--not with Yeonjun, at least. You were both quiet as they walked past, and you tried to follow them out of the room, but of course he stopped you. He tugged you back into the room, and shut the door before you could run back out. 

“Y/N, look, it wasn’t what it looked like--”

“Of course it wasn’t! It never is, is it?” You were trying not to be angry at him, but he was making it so difficult! 

He sighed as you went to sit on the bed. “Look, I don’t even know why you’re that upset. You haven’t talked to me all week, so I thought you were… Done with this, I don’t know.” 

You shook your head, pressing your elbows into your knees as you cradled your cheeks with your palms. “No, it’s not that. I’m just…” Your voice trailed off, and suddenly it became hard to talk. His presence looming in the doorway wasn’t exactly helping, either. 

When he finally left his spot to come sit on the bed next to you, you weren’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. “What is it, Y/N? I need you to talk to me.” He said softly. 

You looked over at him, to see his dark eyes gazing down on you. He should be annoyed with you, and your childish behavior. But he’s not. Instead, his eyes are so full of fondness, you can’t help but think back to what Chaeryeong told you.

I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you!

You suppose it’s time you did what you had intended to do when you first went onto the porch--tell him the truth.

“That’s not why I was ignoring you… I was ignoring you because--and this probably sounds really silly and stupid, but--I think I was scared.” The last word slipped through your lips, barely above a whisper. 

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Scared? Scared of what?” He asked you. 

“I just… I really like you, Yeonjun. Like, really like you. And I was scared of how fast I was starting to like you.” You knew it was stupid before, but now that you had actually said it, it sounded really stupid. 

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, didn’t react, but then he slowly started to smile. “You really like me?” He asked. 

You rolled your eyes, and punched his shoulder. “Shut up! I’m serious!” 

He winced, reaching up to rub where you had hit him. “Okay, okay, sorry. I guess I’m just a little confused why that would be scary. Shouldn’t that be a good thing? Because I really like you, too.”

There was only one way you could really make him understand. You sucked in a shaky breath, and braced yourself. “Can I… Tell you something?”

He nodded. “Yeah, of course. Tell me anything.” 

“This summer… The reason me and my mom came down, just the two of us… Earlier this year, my mom came home to find my dad hooking up with our housekeeper.” You paused, looking over at him for a reaction. “I thought he loved my mom, but I guess he didn’t--or at least not enough. And I saw how badly that hurt her, I had to be there to help pick up the pieces of her broken heart. So, I guess I was really just scared, that I could see myself falling in love with you, and that means you have the power to break my heart, just like my dad did to my mom.”

The room was silent. Yeonjun was staring down at you, his eyes wide, and you thought they were starting to look a bit glassy. His lips were slightly parted, like he was getting ready to say something, but nothing came out. You weren’t sure you had ever seen Yeonjun at a loss for words before. Quiet Yeonjun was a lot scarier than talkative Yeonjun. 

“See, I knew it was stupid.” You heaved a defeated sigh, and stood up to leave, but for the second time that night, Yeonjun grabbed ahold of your wrist. 

“It’s not stupid.” He reassured you quickly. You looked down at him, to see him gazing up at you with a pleading expression, then decided to sit back next to him. “I’m sorry your dad did that, Y/N. Your mom didn’t deserve that--you didn’t deserve that. But I promise, I won’t ever hurt you the way he did. You have nothing to be afraid of.” 

You could feel your eyes growing wet again. “Really?” You breathed out. “You promise?” 

He nodded fervently. “I promise.” 

Then, the two of you leaned in at the same time, connecting your lips in a passionate kiss. Your heart was hammering against your chest, and you were overwhelmed by how strong your feelings for him were growing. It was still a scary feeling, but it was a little less scary now that he made that promise to you. 

The kiss didn’t last for long, though, as you pulled away and instead buried your face in his shoulder. “I’m sorry for not talking to you.” 

He laughed softly, resting one of his hands on the back of your head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for letting Keena flirt with me. I should have shut that down a long time ago.” 

You smiled. “Yeah, you should have. But… It’s her birthday. You can tell her later.” 

“Yeah. Later.” He leaned back, and you looked up so you were at eye level with him again. He pressed his lips against yours again, and snuck a hand around your waist. As you kissed him, he pulled you up so you were straddling his lap. “Can we stay here all night?” He whispered against your lips. 

You giggled, shaking your head as you kissed him again. “No. I need to go check in with Jisu and see if she needs anything.” You told him, and he whined. 

“Jisu is fine, what about what I need?” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re like a baby. We can make out later, let me just go--” 

Suddenly he fell back onto the bed, taking you down with him. He rolled over so he was hovering over you, looking down at you with a playful grin. “Now you’re trapped, so I guess you’re stuck here with me.” 

“Oh yeah?” You laughed, and reached up to wrap your arms around the back of his neck. 

“Yeah.” He breathed out, and leaned down to once again capture your lips in a heated kiss. This time, you didn’t try to protest. Jisu could wait. You had gone a whole week without this, and now that you’d gotten another taste of him, you were reminded of how you just couldn’t get enough of him. 

Thankfully, the girls who you had kicked out never came back, and nobody else barged in to interrupt you. You had no idea whose room the two of you were in, but for that night, it belonged to you.

WHEN YOU WERE A KID, YOU ALWAYS LOOKED FORWARD TO the annual fair that took place out on the boardwalks. There were rides, games, snacks, and best of all, they would end the night with a sky full of fireworks. Your parents would always buy you some cotton candy, pay off the people running the games to help you win some stuffed prize, then take you up on the ferris wheel to watch the fireworks. It was perfect. 

You couldn’t believe it when you found out the tradition was still going strong. As soon as you found out it was happening towards the end of July, you knew you had to be there. And more importantly, you knew you wanted to go with Yeonjun. 

Unfortunately for you, though, Beomgyu and Wooyoung also wanted to go with Yeonjun. You decided to make it a group outing, inviting Jisu and Chaeryeong to tag along as well. It wasn’t ideal, but you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t looking forward to it a little bit. Besides, you could always steal Yeonjun away later, right?

“I think we should go through the haunted house first.” Beomgyu suggested as the six of you wandered around the boardwalks. 

Due to you now being in the last couple of weeks of July, it seemed like the heat of the summer was at an all time high. Even in the shade, in a pair of shorts and a tank top, you were still melting in the heat. The humidity radiating off of the ocean wasn’t helping much, either. 

“No! You know those things scare me!” Yeonjun exclaimed, jabbing a finger in Beomgyu’s direction. 

You grinned. “Aww, don’t worry Jjunie, I can protect you from the scary ghosts.” You cooed at him, hugging his arm close to you. 

Beomgyu and Wooyoung exchanged a look as Yeonjun began to giggle at your antics. For some reason, it reminded you of what Beomgyu had told you the night of Keena’s party. 

Be careful around him, Y/N.

Jisu cleared her throat. “Stop being gross. I think Beomgyu’s right, let’s go to the haunted house.”

Yeonjun frowned, but you looped your fingers together with his in an attempt to soothe him. He smiled down at you, and you assumed it was working. 

“Careful, Y/N, he’ll break your hand off.” Wooyoung commented as the six of you started heading towards the haunted house. “One time, we went on a group date to see a scary movie, and I swear he broke the girl’s fingers.”

You tensed up at the mention of another girl. Of course, you knew Yeonjun had dated other people before you, and after your conversation at the party, you knew you had nothing to be jealous of. Still, the comment stung a bit. 

“Oh my god, remember when we played with that VR set last summer, and Yeonjun started crying while playing Five Nights at Freddy’s VR?” Chaeryeong started to laugh loudly, and Yeonjun glared at her. 

“Shut up! Jisu started crying too, but nobody brings that up!” He snapped defensively, and you couldn’t help laughing. 

Jisu shrugged. “That’s because you’re a man. You’re supposed to be strong and macho, or whatever. Girls are allowed to cry.”

“Isn’t that a little anti-feminist of you?” Beomgyu asked with furrowed eyebrows. 

“So what if it is? Girls are allowed to be anti-feminist.” She teased, and Beomgyu rolled his eyes. 

“In my Women’s Studies class, they taught us that was a bad mindset.” Wooyoung said. 

“Why did you take a Women’s Studies class?” You laughed in disbelief. 

He glanced away. “…Because the TA was hot.”

Finally, you all made it to the haunted house. It looked exactly the same as it had when you were a little girl, too afraid to dare go inside of it. Your dad had tried to convince you to go in with him multiple times, but you always told him no! You were still a little bit scared, but after the way they had just clowned Yeonjun, you absolutely were not going to let anyone know that. 

Instead, you just clung on tightly to Yeonjun, assuring him you were just doing it to make him feel better. But when the two of you rounded a corner to be jump scared by someone dressed as a zombie, and you screamed as you buried your face into your chest, it was obvious you were just as scared as him. 

“You’re kinda cute when you’re scared. Maybe we should go through haunted houses more often.” Yeonjun commented once you were out of earshot of the actor. 

“Nope. You better get a good look and savor scared Y/N now, because I’m never doing this shit again.” You said sweetly, tilting your chin to look up at him. You were still nestled against his chest as the two of you walked, clinging onto one another for safety. 

“Oh trust me, I am looking.” He flashed that stupid, flirty grin that always gave you butterflies, then started to lean down. 

There was a loud gagging sound. “God, is this why you two are so far behind? It’s not enough to make out everywhere else, you have to do it here, too?” Wooyoung asked incredulously. 

You pushed yourself away from his chest. “Nope! I was just wiping away his tears!” 

Yeonjun gasped. “What?! Don’t lie! She was scared, too!” He shouted after you as you jogged to catch up with the others. 

BY THE TIME THE SUN WAS STARTING TO SET, and fireworks were just a short while away, you were exhausted. You were pretty sure the heat was slowly killing you, and you had spent several hours playing stupid carnival games because Wooyoung insisted on beating each one. Which was how he ended up with arms full of plushies that he started giving out to random children. 

Yeonjun won you a fox plushie at the ring toss after you informed him that it reminded you of him. He said it was so you would always be reminded of him, which reminded you that in about a month, you’d be going back to the city, and you didn’t know if you’d ever see him again. 

But, today wasn’t the day to be thinking about that. You wanted to focus on the fact that you were there with him now, and ignore that the future was creeping in closer and closer. Stressing about it wasn’t going to make things any easier for when the time came, so what was the point? 

The two of you were once again lagging behind your other friends as you walked around, relishing in the cool air that was starting to set in as the sun prepared to dip below the horizon. In one hand, you held the fox plushie close to your chest, and in the other, you held Yeonjun’s hand tightly. 

“Ugh, I’m so tired. I think my feet are going to fall off.” You groaned to him, leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder. 

He gently shook with soft laughter. “Yeah, I know. When I was a kid, I could run around here for hours, but now I just get worn out so quickly.” He said with a sigh. “I had an idea, though. I know you wanted to go watch the fireworks from the ferris wheel, but I think I might know a better place.”

“Oh yeah?” You looked up at him curiously. 

He nodded. “Yeah. It’ll be a good view, and there will be way less people. Nice and secluded.” 

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.” You giggled. Of course, you’d been hoping to watch the fireworks the way you used to, but more than that you were dying to get some alone time with Yeonjun. Your friends were being third, fourth, fifth and sixth wheels, and ruining everything. 

You blamed stupid Choi Beomgyu and Jung Wooyoung. 

“We just have to sneak away from our friends first…” His voice trailed off as he glanced around, as though he was looking for a way to escape. 

You hummed in thought. “Hmm… Oh! I have an idea!” 

You tugged him by his hand in the direction of your friends, picking up the pace to switch into a jog. He didn’t question you, he just jogged behind you, still holding tightly onto your hand, like he was afraid of you slipping out of his grasp. 

Once she noticed you approaching her from behind, Chaeryeong let out a low groan. “If you guys are going to keep being gross, you should go do it somewhere else. You’re going to ruin some perfectly good fireworks!” She whined. 

You smiled over at Yeonjun, realizing this was going to be a lot easier than you thought. “So… You wouldn’t mind if we snuck away and left you guys to watch them together?” You inquired slowly. 

“What?! No! You can’t steal him away from us! Let’s split up, boys and girls!” Wooyoung grabbed Yeonjun’s other hand, trying to tug him away from you. 

“Did they teach you to do that in your Women’s Studies class?” Jisu raised an eyebrow. 

Wooyoung hissed at her. 

“Ew, I’m not going with you after you did that, freak!” Yeonjun snapped his hand out of his grip. “I’m actually feeling a little sick after The Zipper, so I just want to turn in early.” 

It was so obviously a lie, a lot worse than the one you had been planning to use, but it looked like your friends had given up hope. “Fine… Make sure you take care of him, Y/N.” Beomgyu released a sigh of defeat. 

“If you throw up on her, I’ll kill you.” Jisu threatened. Chaeryeong nodded in solidarity. 

“I’m not going to throw up on her!”

“He might! Because he’s so very sick. Come on, Jun!” You waved to your friends as you started to pull him away, smiling widely at them. “I’ll text you guys later!” 

“Don’t forget to use protection!” Wooyoung shouted once you guys were practically out of earshot. 

Your face grew hot, and you were suddenly overwhelmed with mortification. Did he want everyone at the fair to think you two were sneaking off to have sex? You hoped Jisu punched him for that. She and Chaeryeong were the only people other than Yeonjun that you had told about your… Predicament. At least you knew that those two knew you weren’t running away to hook up. You just hoped nobody else you knew heard him. 

“Ignore him. He’s a fucking idiot.” Yeonjun glared over his shoulder, and you watched as he held up a middle finger towards Wooyoung. 

“Yeah, I’ll say.” You muttered, looking down to find interest in your sandals. 

He let go of your hand, and you were about to complain but he instead wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you close to him. “C’mon. Let me show you the super special spot I had in mind.” 

The entire walk to his “super special spot”, he kept a firm grip on you, keeping you close to him. You knew that Yeonjun was a touchy guy, you discovered that pretty early on. Tonight, though, he seemed clingier than usual. You didn’t really mind, in fact you liked staying close to him. There was just something about being so close to him that made you feel safe, and secure. Like nothing bad would happen as long as you were with him. 

His super special spot, as it turned out, was your house. 

You gave him a deadpan look. 

“No, I know what you’re thinking! But, look, you have a perfect view of where the fireworks go off! Especially if we climb out of your window onto your roof!” He beamed down at you proudly. 

“Absolutely not. My mom might actually wring our necks and kill us if she finds out we’re climbing up there.” You started to laugh, shaking your head at the idea. 

“But you said your mom is out with friends tonight, right? She’ll never even know we were up there.” 

You tucked your bottom lip between your teeth, biting down as you mulled the idea over. He was right, you did tell him about how your mom was out drinking with some of her old friends. And if she did come home and see you up there, you might be able to convince her that she was so drunk that she imagined it, or something like that. “Okay, fine! But if I fall down and break my neck, you’re paying my medical bills.” 

“Nope! If you go down, I go down, too!” He sang, hot on your tail like a lost puppy as you wandered up your porch stairs. 

You laughed softly as you picked through your keyring to find the right one. “I’m not sure if that’s really stupid, or really romantic.” 

Suddenly, you felt his arms wrap around your waist from behind, and his breath against your neck, causing goosebumps to spread across your skin. “Why not both?” He asked, then leaned forward to press a kiss against your cheek. 

As you finally got the door open, you giggled, and tried to push him off of you. “Come on, this way!” You raced up the stairs, and just as you had hoped, he began to chase after you. He was barely inches behind you, filling you up with adrenaline as you screamed and turned down the hallway in the direction of your bedroom.

Unfortunately, your door was closed, which gave him plenty of time to catch up to you as your nerves made it difficult to wring the doorknob open. The second the door opened up, he caught you, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you off the ground. The air was filled with giggles and screams as he carried you over to your bed. 

“Yeonjun, stop--!” You barely managed to get out between your laughter, and you let out a loud yelp when he dumped you onto the cushy mattress, then crawled on top of you. 

You were out of breath as you laid against your bed, chest heaving up and down as you tried to cool your giggles. He was hovering over you, and you recalled the last time he had caged you in back at Keena’s party. As the two of you were catching your breath, though, something in the air felt different. His dark eyes were flickering between yours, like he was searching for something inside of them. 

You were suddenly overcome with a warm feeling, and before you got the chance to stop yourself and ask if this was a good idea, you whispered to him. “I think I’m in love with you.” 

For some reason, you thought you would regret telling him that. You thought it would ruin things between the two of you, and make him regret ever going out with you. But, you weren’t regretting it. You had been thinking it for over a week now, and finally, you were able to get it off of your chest. And even if he didn’t feel the same, even if he thought you were rushing into things too fast, you were just glad that you had finally worked up the nerve to tell him. Because it was true, and he deserved to know. 

He stared down at you, blinking. “You are?” He asked, barely loud enough for you to hear in the silent room. 

You nodded, taking a good look at his face. His long, pretty eyelashes, his pointed nose, his perfectly shaped lips… As you were taking him in--all of him--there was absolutely no doubt in your mind. 

“Yeah. I’m in love with you.”

The second the last word left your mouth, Yeonjun wasted no time diving down to connect his lips with yours. By that point, you had kissed him more times than you could count, but you didn’t care about any of those other times, because nothing compared to this one. 

He didn’t need to say it back. You could feel it in the way he gently pushed your stray strands of hair out of your face, and in the way he cupped your cheek as he kissed you, like you were the most precious object in the whole world to him. When he pulled away from your lips to press kisses all over your face--your eyes, your nose, your cheeks, your chin--you knew that he loved you too. 

A bright light flooded into your room through the window, followed by a loud boom. The two of you looked to see the fireworks you had been dying to see finally going off, and he was right. Your bedroom had a perfect view. 

He looked back down at you, his lips slightly swollen from all the kissing. “Do you--still wanna--watch?” He asked between breaths. 

A wave of confidence rushed over you, and you shook your head. With a shaky breath, you lifted one of your legs, hooking it around his lower back to pull him close to you. “Yeonjun…I’m ready for you.” 

The room glowed red. “Are you--Are you sure?” He whispered, furrowing his brows as he examined your face. 

Before now, you’d never really felt the desire to be with someone intimately like that. Nobody had ever made your heart race the way he did, and if you were going to give a piece of yourself away to anyone, you wanted it to be him. The first boy you had ever really, truly loved. In an attempt to show him just how serious you were, you reached down, grabbing the edge of your shirt and slowly pulling it up over your head so you were left only with your bra. 

His eyes widened, then he leaned down to kiss you again. Now, his kisses were getting rougher, more aggressive, like you had woken something up inside of him. His hand roamed down to the side of your thigh, as his lips moved to attach themselves to your neck. “I need you to tell me. Tell me you’re sure about this.” He mumbled against your skin in between kisses.

You grabbed a hold of the sides of his face, pulling him away and forcing him to look at you. You pressed one more kiss against his lips, then said the magic words. 

“I’ve never been more sure about anything.” 

YOU HAD NEVER BEEN A BIG FAN OF AUGUST. It was the last month of summer, and usually the month that school started back up again. It was like the Sunday of the year--sure, it was still a part of your break, but it was also when the dread of returning to stupid school set in. You didn’t like it when you were a kid, and you didn’t like it now. 

Well, before this year you didn’t like it. Now, you were starting to like it. And that’s because you and Yeonjun officially became a couple on the first day of August. You had probably spent way too much time with him in the last week, but you didn’t care. You were in the honeymoon phase, where you just wanted to be beside him constantly. 

Your days were spent wandering around town, whether it be eating lunch together at different restaurants, or going for walks along the beach, and splashing each other with the ocean water as you swam. And your nights were spent twisted in bedsheets, and filled with pillow talk that stretched into the early hours of the mornings. 

It’s safe to say you were absolutely head over heels for Choi Yeonjun. If he was a bright, blazing flame, then you were like a moth, unable to put up a fight as you found yourself drawn to him. 

The problem with the honeymoon phase, though, is that it will always come to an end. 

On Saturday, you were rudely awakened by the sun rising and flooding Yeonjun’s room with light. You groaned, trying to roll away from the light, but his arm was wrapped firmly around your waist, and there was no chance you were going anywhere. 

“Yeonjun?” You called out weakly, and draped one of your arms over your eyes in an attempt to block out the light. 

He hummed against your neck. 

“Jun, wake up. I need to close the curtain.” You whined, trying to shake yourself out of his grip. 

“No… Stay here.” He grumbled, and buried his face deeper into your neck. You giggled softly, but were still annoyed nonetheless.

“Come on, it’s hurting my eyes.” 

“I’ll fix it.” He lazily reached down to grab the edge of your waist, then pulled you to help turn you to face him. 

Finally, you were able to hide against his bare chest from the sunlight. “Okay, this is lots better.” You mumbled, and scooted closer so you could get nestled against him. It wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world, but it definitely beat having the sun in your eyes. 

“Let’s just sleep forever.” Yeonjun muttered groggily against your hair, tightening his grip on your waist to pull you closer to him. Honestly, it wasn’t sounding like the worst idea in the world. You would be perfectly content spending the rest of the day hiding in his room, especially since you’d have to deal with the dirty looks of his friends as you tried to sneak out. 

You could slowly feel yourself drifting back off into sleep when the door to the room flung open. Yeonjun was quick to sit up and see who it was, while you weren’t so quick to react. You were starting to grow angry from all the things preventing you from going back to sleep. 

“Um, Yeonjun… You need to get her out of here.” You could hear Beomgyu saying, which piqued your interest. You sat up, holding the comforter close to your chest to cover yourself. 

“Excuse me?” You asked, narrowing your eyes at his long haired friend. 

Beomgyu looked… Scared, as his eyes darted between you and Yeonjun. 

“What? What do you mean?” Yeonjun was rubbing his eyes to try and wake himself up. 

“It’s…” Beomgyu’s voice trailed off, glancing over at you again, like he was too afraid to say the answer in front of you. “Karina.” 

You felt Yeonjun tense up next to you. If he wasn’t awake before, he definitely was now, as he stared at Beomgyu with eyes as wide as saucers. He seemed to understand what his friend was talking about the second the name left his lips, but you were still completely in the dark about what was going on. And you hated being the only one left out of the loop. Which is why you asked the question, even though you should have known better. 

“Who’s Karina?” 

Stupid. Stupid, you were so stupid! Immediately after you asked it, you figured out the answer to your own question. And the looks on both Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s faces as they looked over at you--the looks of pity and guilt--confirmed it for you. 

Be careful around him, Y/N. 

“Oh.” 

You felt frozen in place as they just stared at you, like they were waiting for some kind of reaction. But, you were in so much shock, with so many different thoughts going a million miles a minute, you didn’t know how to react. Did you scream? Did you cry? Did you slap him? You didn’t know what you were supposed to do. 

The only thing you knew of for sure was you needed to get out of there. If you spent another second in that room--in his bed--you were going to lose your mind. 

“Beomgyu… Can you get out? I need to get dressed.” You said slowly, your voice starting to waver. 

He nodded wordlessly, then stepped out of the room and closed the door behind you. All it had taken was a matter of seconds for the place you didn’t want to leave to become the last place on Earth you wanted to be. 

“Y/N, please.” Was all Yeonjun said as you stood up from the bed. His voice sounded far away. 

You didn’t respond as you slowly dressed yourself. Through the wall, you could hear voices talking in another room, one of which obviously belonging to a girl. There was no way you were going to be able to go out that way, which meant you were going to have to climb out the window. When you were a little girl, the idea of sneaking out of a boy’s room through the window sounded exciting and romantic. Now, it was a part of your worst nightmare. 

Once you finally had your clothes on, you walked over to the window--the same, stupid window that had woken you up earlier in the morning. You hated that stupid window. 

“Y/N, I can explain everything, I swear I can--” 

“You have a guest, it sounds like. You’d better go say hi.” You said numbly as you opened up the window. You took note of how, like your window in your bedroom, there was no screen. Which reminded you of the night he had hit you in the face with a pebble. 

You should have never gone out to talk to him that night. 

“Please, baby, just--” You didn’t give him a chance to finish. Without a look back at him, you slipped out of his window, and onto his rooftop. He didn’t try to stop you.

Your entire walk home, you felt numb all over. You weren’t sure how to process what had just happened. All you could do was keep replaying the way Yeonjun had looked at you. The pathetic, guilty look on his face, and his sad eyes as he gazed at you. Even worse, the pity on Beomgyu’s features. Like you were some puppy that had just gotten kicked to the curb.  

At home, your mom was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a coffee and reading the book you’d brought along on the trip. With everything that had been happening as of late, you hadn’t really had much time to read, so she had decided to pick it up. 

You were hoping to just avoid any conversation and go up to your room, but of course, you never got the things you hoped for. Your mom heard you open the door, and put the book down to look at you. 

“Y/N? Are you alright?” She asked, and you weren’t sure how she was able to tell something was wrong, but it must have been a mother’s instinct, or something like that. 

You could just lie, and tell her you were fine, but you knew she wouldn’t believe that. Your bottom lip trembled, and you shook your head. “No.” Was all you could manage to get out before you burst into an explosion of sobs. Lucky for you, your mother was quick, and rushed to your side before you could collapse onto the floor. 

“Oh, honey, what happened?” She gently caressed your hair, trying her hardest to console you. But, you’d never broken down like this in front of her before, so you weren’t surprised when she didn’t fully know how to help you. 

Since you had asked that question, and gotten those looks in response, you had been trying to avoid directly confronting what had happened. You just knew something was bad, and that he had been lying to you about it. But, now, you were forced to finally say the words that had been lingering in the back, waiting to be acknowledged, that you’d been too afraid of. 

“I think--I think he’s been cheating on me.” You cried out in between sobs, your body trembling in her arms. You could hardly breathe from how hard you were crying, could barely see through the tears nonstop flooding your eyes. “God, I’m such--I’m such an idiot! I should have known, I should have fucking known!” 

“Hey, no. You’re not an idiot.” Your mom said firmly, gently forcing you to look at her. “You’re not an idiot. If he really is cheating on you, then he’s the idiot.” 

You shook your head, rapidly blinking away your tears in an attempt to be able to look at her. More than anyone in the world, you knew she would be able to understand what had happened to you. How it had taken seconds for your world to be shattered. 

In your time dating Yeonjun, you hadn’t even told your mom about him. She was recovering from her divorce, you thought that telling her all about how you were falling for someone would be insensitive, or something, so you chose not to tell her about it. Even still, she wasn’t asking you questions, like who was cheating on you, or anything like that. Instead, she was just doing her best to comfort you, and be there for you. 

“I’m an idiot because… Because I think I still love him.” You whimpered. 

“I know you do.” She whispered, and pulled you into a hug as you sobbed into her shoulder. 

“I know you do.”

“HER NAME IS KARINA.” 

You hadn’t left your room in days. You spent most of your time either crying, sleeping or eating.  There was this heavy feeling in your chest, like your heart was physically aching, which was making it hard to motivate yourself to do anything. The fear of running into Yeonjun or any of his friends was also keeping you from leaving. 

The worst part of it all, though, was he hadn’t tried to reach out once. You had expected a bunch of phone calls, and to be bombarded with text messages, hell maybe he would show up on your doorstep and ask your mom to talk to you. But, all you got from him was radio silence. You supposed he was too busy with Karina. 

You did get lots of texts from Chaeryeong, Jisu, and even Keena wondering where you had been. When you didn’t respond, they took it upon themselves to show up at your house, asking your mom if you had died. 

They found you curled up on your bed, watching Twenty-Five Twenty-One—aka the perfect drama to cry to—on your laptop. If even Yijin and Heedo hadn’t been able to make it, what in the world made you think that you and Yeonjun stood a chance? At least Yijin hadn’t cheated on Heedo, though. 

After lots and lots of pressuring, you finally cracked and told them what happened. About how Beomgyu had burst into the room, and about how Yeonjun didn’t chase after you when you escaped out the window. 

“Okay, but you don’t know who she is, right? How do you know he was cheating?” Chaeryeong had asked you, while Jisu seethed in the corner. 

“It was written all over his face. I just knew.”

After that, Jisu told you she was going to go undercover and gather information for you. You told her she really didn’t need to do that, you weren’t sure you even wanted to know any information, but she insisted. Because even if you didn’t want to hear it then, you might want to hear it later. 

Which led to now, where the three of you were gathered on your porch, going over the information. You had basically been forced to go outside, because according to Chaeryeong, you were in desperate need of some Vitamin D… The sunlight kind. 

“Yeah, I already gathered that much.” You responded, pulling your knees up to your chest. 

Jisu nodded. “Right. Okay. According to Beomgyu, they’d been going out for almost a year, but started fighting pretty bad this spring.” 

“A year…” You swallowed hard, the familiar feeling of tears prickling the corners of your eyes starting to arise. 

“Yeah… They decided to take a break this summer. So, technically, they’re not together right now.” 

Chaeryeong gasped. “Wait! This is just like that episode of Friends! I think, I dunno, I never watched that show.” 

Jisu glared at her. “Sure. Like Friends. Anyway, Wooyoung said she just showed up that morning, looking for Yeonjun. Apparently, she missed him, and decided to come surprise him, and end their break early, or whatever.” 

You stared aimlessly out at the street, holding yourself back from blinking, so the tears wouldn’t spill out of your eyes. “So, this whole time… From the first bonfire we talked at… He’s had someone else on his mind.” You croaked out. 

Chaeryeong sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I really believed him, too.”

“He’s a fucking asshole. I’m gonna go kill him.” Jisu muttered as she paced back and forth across the porch.

“Don’t do that.” You shook your head, wiping the stray tears that spilled from your eyes off of your cheeks. “I don’t—I don’t want him to know how badly he hurt me. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.”

Jisu exchanged a look with Chaeryeong, then her muscles relaxed. “Okay. You’re right.” She said with a sigh. 

Suddenly, Chaeryeong’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you know the perfect way to do that?” She asked excitedly, sitting forward in her seat. 

You shook your head. 

“So, Seungmin is throwing a huge bonfire party down at the beach with his friends, maybe we could find you a guy to flirt with, take your mind off of Yeonjun!” 

You absolutely hated how badly your time with Yeonjun affected you. Because now, the thought of flirting with anyone who wasn’t him made your stomach churn. “Oh. Yeah, um, I don’t know…”

“We know you’re probably afraid of running into him.” Jisu jumped in. You wondered if they’d been planning this. “But, what if we can promise you he won’t be there?” 

You must have been visibly grimacing at the thought, as Chaeryeong was quick to start trying to change your mind. “Please, Y/N! We miss going out with you so much! Just come and try to let yourself have fun, and if you’re still not feeling it, we’ll take you home!” She was practically begging, and Jisu was nodding fervently in agreement. 

They were probably right. A night out would be good for you, and help take your mind off of everything. There was just a part of you that didn’t want to take your mind off of it. Some sick part of you enjoyed the pain—not because you were a masochist or anything, but because the pain meant it wasn’t completely over yet. 

Maybe it was time for it to be over, though. 

“…You can absolutely guarantee he won’t be there?” You looked between the two of them. 

Chaeryeong nodded. “Mhm! We will tell Wooyoung and Beomgyu to keep him far away from that beach!” She told you enthusiastically. 

With both of their eyes trained on you intensely, you realized you didn’t really have a choice in the matter. You let out a sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.”

GOING TO A BONFIRE FOR YOUR FIRST NIGHT OUT SINCE finding out your boyfriend had been lying to you for months was not the best idea. After all, it has been at a bonfire party earlier in the summer where you had reconnected with him. Now, at the party where you were supposed to be thinking about anything but him, he was all you could think about. 

Even when you were talking to a perfectly attractive guy, who was very obviously into you, all you could think about was him. Some guy—Taehyun, you think his name was?—visiting for the summer that was randomly invited by Seungmin had taken interest in you the second you and your friends arrived, and they insisted you go talk to him. 

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time at the gym. I’m hoping to start boxing soon.” He was explaining to you as you were both walking along the beach. You nodded mindlessly, swirling around the beer in your plastic cup. “What about you? You in school, or anything?”

“Oh, I study environmental science.” You answered, then took a long sip of your beer, reveling in the way it burned your throat as it went down. Of course, because you couldn’t think of anything else, you couldn’t stop yourself from being reminded of your first date with him. 

Taehyun’s eyes lit up. “Oh wow, that’s so cool! What kind of job are you hoping to get with that?”

You shrugged, and took another drink of your beer. Jisu and Chaeryeong were going to regret letting you go off on your own later. “You know, I’m not totally sure. Some kind of environmental scientist or something.” 

He laughed, although you weren’t sure why, since it wasn’t meant to be a joke or anything. “You’re really funny, Y/N.”

“Thanks…?” You glanced over at him with furrowed eyebrows. “People call me a lot of things, but I don’t think funny is a really common one.” 

“Oh really? What do they call you?” He asked, clearly amused. 

“You know… Smart, nice, pretty…” You flashed him a smile, unsure where this flirty side of you was coming from. It was probably a combination of the alcohol and your desperation to get Yeonjun off of your mind. 

“Ah, I can definitely see why they might call you those things.” He replied smoothly, and bumped his shoulder against your own. Instinctively, you glanced over your shoulder, searching for Jisu and Chaeryeong somewhere. Although, you wished you hadn’t. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Taehyun asked when you stopped dead in your tracks. 

You dropped your cup into the sand. 

You couldn’t believe the fucking audacity. There he was, with the most drop dead gorgeous girl you had seen in your entire life. You could barely see his face due to how far away he was, and the darkness blanketing the beach, but you could tell he was looking for someone—looking for you. 

To say you were panicked was an understatement. The second you saw his face, you were whipping around to face Taehyun. You could feel your breaths start to quicken, and your hand darted up to press against your chest. Hadn’t Jisu and Chaeryeong promised you that he wouldn’t be there? You were barely prepared for a night out without him, much less a night out with him. 

“Woah, are you alright?” Taehyun asked, gently taking hold of your arms like you might topple over—which, you probably might. 

“I—um, I need to get out of here.” You answered, the all too familiar feeling of tears forming in the corners of your eyes making an appearance. “Can you help me find my friends?” 

Taehyun nodded, starting to lead you in the direction of the fire without a question. You raised one of your hands in an attempt to block your face from view. He really was a sweet guy. It was too bad you were still very hooked on someone else. 

He slid an arm around your shoulder—likely in an attempt to comfort you rather than to try and flirt with you. At least you hoped that’s what it was. Your eyes landed on Chaeryeong, who was swaying in front of the bonfire with Seungmin’s arms around her waist, and let out a sigh of relief. You were almost there. 

Any efforts you made to hide your face from view proved to be futile, though. You discovered this when Taehyun suddenly let go of you, then you heard his body hit the sand. There was a collection of gasps, and you turned to see Yeonjun standing there, flexing his fingers. 

He punched him! He fucking punched him!

“What the fuck is your problem?!” You demanded, shoving his chest with as much force as you could muster so he stumbled backwards. 

“Hey, don’t touch him!” A feminine voice spoke up behind him, and you could physically feel your face pale. Karina. 

“Stop, it’s fine.” Yeonjun reassured her, then turned to look at you with narrowed eyes. “He was fucking all over you, Y/N.” 

“No he wasn’t!” You spat back at him as you helped Taehyun to his feet. “Besides, even if he was, you don’t get to fucking care. Not anymore.” 

Karina was visibly confused, but you didn’t really care right now. You were too busy focusing on not crying, and instead appearing as intimidating as possible. 

“Y/N, let’s just go talk for a minute, please let me explain—“ 

“No! I don’t need you to explain, Yeonjun, I understand perfectly fucking well. You were fighting with your girlfriend, you were on a break, and in a desperate attempt to get some action this summer, you lied to me and told me you loved me.”

Okay, now you were definitely crying. 

“Jun? What is she talking about?” Karina asked slowly, looking over at her boyfriend with wide eyes. 

He didn’t look at her, though. Instead, he had his eyes trained on you, lips pressed tightly together. 

“See? You can’t even try to tell me it’s not true. Just stay away from me, Yeonjun.” You snapped, and turned away from him before he could see you cry any more. 

As you stormed away from the bonfire—heading god knows where—you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. You were drunk, and sobbing, and overall in the worst emotional distress you never imagined could be possible. Your head was spinning as you stomped away, barely able to keep yourself standing from the way your ankles kept twisting in the sand. 

Miserable didn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling. You still weren’t sure where in the world you were going, but all you knew was you needed to get far, far away from that place. Far away from your friends who had pressured you into coming out tonight; far from Taehyun, who was too kind to you for you to be able to handle. And most of all, you needed to be far away from Choi Yeonjun. 

Just a week earlier, you couldn’t imagine being apart from him for more than a few minutes. Now, though, you couldn’t imagine being around him for more than a second. All it took was one look at him for you to be overwhelmed with heartache. 

“Y/N!” 

Of course. 

You didn’t have to look back to know who was jogging up behind you. “I told you to stay away from me!” Your voice cracked as you shouted back at him. 

“Y/N, you’re stumbling all over the place, let me help you before you fall!” You felt his hands grab ahold of your arms in an attempt to steady you, and for a second—just for a second—you could feel yourself melt into the familiar touch. But, it only lasted a second. 

“Don’t touch me!” You screamed, and finally turned around to face him. His expression was wracked with guilt, and you almost felt bad. Almost. “You promised me, Yeonjun! You fucking promised me!” You jabbed a finger into his chest as the words tumbled out of your mouth. 

“I know, I know, and I’m so sorry Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, and you could see the tears slipping onto his cheeks catch the moonlight. “I was going to tell you everything, I was—“

“Did I mean anything to you, Yeonjun? Or was I just another conquest to keep your summer interesting?” 

His eyes widened. “Did you mean anything—of course you did, Y/N—I mean, you do.” He told you, and his hand cupped your cheek. You didn’t fight his touch, this time. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I love you. I do, Y/N, I love you.” 

You couldn’t look him in the eyes. “If you really love me, why did you let me fall in love with you, knowing that you were never going to be mine?” 

“I am yours, Y/N! I’ve been yours since the first night I showed up outside your house. I knew that night that I was done with Karina, I just want you.” He was pleading with you, his thumb stroking your cheek as he tried to get you to look at him. 

“How—how am I supposed to trust you, Yeonjun? How do I know you’re not lying to me again?”

He shook his head, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “I-I don’t know, Y/N. If you just give me one more chance, let me prove myself to you—“ 

You pulled his hand off your cheek. “No, Yeonjun. I already gave you a chance. I told you about my dad, and how badly it fucked me up, just for you to turn me into the other woman.”

“You are not the other woman, babe, you’re so much more than that.” His whole face was wet with tears, and you imagined yours looked the same. Glimmering under the moonlight, it might look beautiful if it wasn’t for the context. 

“I’m sorry, Yeonjun. I love you, I really do, but I can’t. So please just let me go.” 

A small part of you wished he had fought for you. If he begged for you to forgive him just a little bit longer, you probably would have given in. You were so desperately in love with him, you probably would have taken him back and one day been able to put this entire thing behind you. When he gave you a defeated nod, though, you felt your heart sink. 

“Okay. Okay. But, please, Y/N, just don’t ever think I don’t love you, or that everything I said to you was a lie. Because it wasn’t. I love you.”

Every time he said those three words, it was like a knife to your heart. Every time, your whole summer together replayed in your head, from the moment you two talked at the bonfire, to the moment Beomgyu said Karina’s name. How had it all fallen apart so easily? How could two people who loved each other so much end up like this?

You knew things were over between the two of you. As badly as it hurt, and as badly as you didn’t want things to be done, you knew they were. So, you decided to do one last thing. You stepped towards him, and gently cradled his face in your hands. 

“I know. I love you, too.” You whispered, then closed the distance between the two of you. 

If ever in your life you could choose one moment to frame in your mind forever, it would be that kiss. Even though your lips were both wet with tears, and you were still a bit drunk, it was still the most romantic moment of your entire life. His arms snaked around your waist and pulled you close to him, like if he tried enough, he could melt your bodies into one, and you’d never have to leave him. 

You knew, in that moment, you would never get over him. No matter how hard you tried, you would never be able to shake your connection to him. Even though he had put you through hell in the last week, he had also gifted you the best summer of your life. There would always be a part of you that loved him. 

As much as you never wanted to let go of him, you knew you had to eventually. So, you reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, and pressed your forehead against his. 

“Goodbye, Yeonjun.” This time, when you started to walk away, he didn’t try to stop you. 

That was the last time you saw Choi Yeonjun. 

FOUR MONTHS LATER…

YOU HADN’T MEANT TO KILL THE MOOD. Everyone had just finished their finals, which obviously meant it was time to go out and celebrate. Just like every other night throughout the semester, you hadn’t really been in the mood to go out, but Haeun insisted you go out tonight. 

“Look, I don’t know what in the hell happened to you this summer, but it’s been months! It’s time to get over it!” She had told you. “Please come do something fun with us! Just for tonight!” 

Haeun wasn’t exactly the kind of girl to take no for an answer. Even though you would much rather curl up on your bed and watch a drama on your laptop like you did the majority of your nights since you arrived on campus, you knew deep down you didn’t really have a choice. 

Which was how you ended up in some bar on the edge of campus. Haeun and her friends were going off about some girl they all seemed to hate, but you weren’t really paying much attention. You were a bit too preoccupied playing this little game with yourself where you drank as much as you could before anyone noticed and stopped you. 

“Did you see her newest Instagram post? She’s so lame.” Haeun’s friend, Choonhee leaned over to show Nari, who started laughing loudly. You had never really liked Haeun’s friends. They were too mean for your tastes. 

“Y/N~!” Haeun sang to you, leaning in close so only you would be able to hear her. “That guy over there has been checking you out all night.” 

You rolled your eyes, but followed her gaze anyway. Sure enough, there was a guy on the other end of the club, eyes trained on you as he took a sip of his drink. Immediately, you started shaking your head, and Haeun frowned. 

“Why notttt, Y/N? He’s cute, and you’re single, just go talk to him!” She whined at you. 

“I’m not interested, Haeun.” You took a drink of the cocktail you’d been working on. 

She groaned. “Why?! I know you’re shy, or whatever, but you’re about to graduate soon! And you can’t graduate as a virgin!” 

You choked on your drink, and she raised an eyebrow at you. “Unless… You’re not a virgin anymore…? Is that why you’ve been acting weird since this summer?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You sighed. Great, now you were thinking about him again. And you did not want to be thinking about him again. “I’m gonna go get a shot. You want anything?” 

“No. And you don’t need another shot. Do you think I didn’t notice you downing drinks all night?” 

Choonhee and Nari started to quiet down, taking interest in your conversation with Haeun. 

“I’m fine, Haeun. I can handle my liquor.” You waved a hand at her as you started to stand up. Your skirt got caught on your chair, though, causing you to nearly fall down. You heard Chanhee and Nari start to giggle, and shot the two of them dirty looks. 

Haeun looked at you warily, then slowly stood as well. “Um, I actually forgot but Y/N has work tomorrow. So I think I’m gonna take her home.” 

Choonhee rolled her eyes. “Please. We’re trying to celebrate, we really don’t need her ruining the mood.” She said it in a hushed voice, like you might not be able to hear her. But, of course you did. 

You heard everything that people said about you. During your last week of the summer, before coming home, you heard Jisu and Chaeryeong whispering about you. Poor Y/N. When you were road tripping back home with your mom, and you were supposed to be asleep, you heard your mother talking about you. Poor Y/N. When you were supposed to meet Haeun for lunch, you heard her talking to Choonhee and Nari. She used to be so much more fun. 

You heard everything. 

Haeun led you out of the bar, before you got the urge to fight someone. Now that you were outside, with the cool air on your face, you realized just how much you had drunk. Your head was spinning, and you weren’t sure you were entirely conscious. It felt like your mind was on a completely different plane from your body. Still, though, as drunk as you were, you still couldn’t get him out of your mind.

As Haeun started to order an Uber, you couldn’t think of anything else better to do than to pull out your phone. Maybe you would text Chaeryeong and Jisu to tell them you missed them, or text your mom really quickly. But you weren’t able to do any of that. The lone notification staring up at you prevented any of that from happening.

Just your fucking luck. 

yeonjun

hey

You absolutely couldn’t believe it. That was all you got? A fucking hey?! After all that shit, he texted you hey? You had half a nerve to smash your phone onto the concrete. 

But, before you got the chance, the Uber that Haeun ordered rolled up against the sidewalk. You stumbled into the backseat next to Haeun, who you could tell was a little bothered by your behavior. You really hadn’t meant to ruin her night. Even though she was the one who had insisted you go out with them that night, she still didn’t deserve to deal with you when you were acting like this. 

You turned on your phone again to stare at the message. 

hey

You hated him. You hated him for waiting until now to text you—you hated him for texting you at all! He should have just left you alone. He single-handedly ruined your night, and probably your whole week with that text message. Most of all, you hated him because you missed him. So bad. 

You didn’t remember when you started crying. But you did. One minute you were fine, blinking at your screen blankly. And suddenly your cheeks were wet, and tears had dropped down onto your phone. Your vision was becoming foggy, but you were still able to make out the contents of the notification. 

“Woah, are you okay?” Haeun asked, leaning forward to get a better look at you. 

“Fine!” You huffed, and wiped at your eyes. Your fingers moved faster than your brain did, and before you got the chance to consider if it was a good idea, you were dialing a number. 

One ring…

Two rings…

Three rings…

For eight rings, you sat there waiting for him to pick up. And he never did. Instead, you were sent to his voicemail. 

“Hey, this is Yeonjun. Sorry I missed you. Leave your name and number and I’ll give you a call back. Bye!” 

Just the pre recorded sound of his voice over your phone speaker made your chest tighten. The phone beeped, giving you the cue to start talking. You could feel Haeun’s stare burning holes into your head, like she was trying to figure out who in the world you were calling. 

“Really, Yeonjun? You text me, and can’t even answer the phone? You text me hey, and can’t pick up the phone? What’s your problem? By the way, what does that even mean?! Hey?! That’s all you have to say to me, after everything you did?” 

You could feel your voice cracking as you shouted into the phone. Haeun was visibly intrigued by your voicemail, leaning in closer to hear you better--as if your loud shouts weren’t occupying the entire vehicle.

“Whatever… Hey. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I… I hate you. I hate you Yeonjun, so fucking bad! When my dad cheated on my mom, and destroyed our family, I never thought that I could hate someone more than I hated him. But guess what, Yeonjun? You proved me wrong! So congratulations!” 

Your head was starting to pound--badly--so you leaned over to rest your head against the window. The few stray tears from before had developed into a full on rainstorm, coating your cheeks in salty wetness and worsening your headache. For a minute, you just sat there in silence, trying your best to keep your breathing steady. It wasn’t working. 

After your long silence, you finally sucked in a long, shaky breath, then spoke again. “I hate you because I gave you all of me. All of me. And you--you just threw it all away! Like it was just nothing to you!” By that point, you had forgotten all about the other people in the car with you. Now, it was just you, and Yeonjun. You didn’t care about Haeun sitting next to you, or the Uber driver listening in on the conversation. All you cared about was getting the words that had been weighing heavy against your chest for the last four months off of you. 

“You know what I hate most though, Yeonjun?” You asked, your trembling voice barely above a whisper. “I hate that even though you broke my promise, even though you were never truly mine… Even though I should hate you… I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I can’t bring myself to hate you. I think about you, all of the time. Even when Jeong Jaehyun, the hottest guy in our whole program asked me out on a date, I had to say no. Because I knew that he would never be you.”

A breathy laugh fights itself out of your lips. “I sound so fucking pathetic. And it’s because I am! I am fucking pathetic! But it’s all your fault! Because for whatever reason that I still can’t figure out, I love you. I still love you, so much, Yeonjun. Isn’t that just the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” 

There’s a tap on your shoulder, and when you glanced over at Haeun, you realized the car stopped. You looked out the window again to see you had already made it to your apartment complex. Jeez, how long had you been talking on the phone for?

“Shit. I’ve gotta go. Um, if you’re going to text me again, do more than just hit me with a hey. Or, I don’t know, call me. You know we’re way past sending each other heys.” 

You opened up the car door, mouthing a small “sorry” to Haeun. “We are so talking later!” She whisper-shouted back to you. You rolled your eyes as you stepped out of the car. You’d have to make sure Haeun gave that driver a nice tip later. 

“Okay. Goodbye, Yeonjun.” You said with a sigh, standing still on the pavement leading to your apartment as the car started to drive away. “I miss you.” You whispered, and finally ended the call. 

Luckily, your angry ranting over the phone had helped you to sober up enough that you made it into your apartment no problem. Your head was still spinning, though, and you practically fell onto your bed as you climbed into it. You were still drenched in makeup, and wearing the clubbing outfit Haeun had helped you pick out, but you were too tired to worry about all of that. You were ready to just pass out right then and there. 

Sprawled out across your mess of blankets, you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep. You knew you had messed up with that stupid voicemail, but you weren’t going to worry about it now. That was Sober Y/N’s problem to deal with. 

There was a familiar buzzing, though, and you were slowly pulled back into consciousness. Your hand grappled around your bed, trying to locate the source of the buzzing, then finally landed atop your phone. With a groggy groan, you rolled over onto your side, and held your phone in front of your face. Your eyes widened when you saw the caller ID. 

Should you answer? Or should you leave it be? You knew if you answered it, you were opening up a whole new door you weren’t sure you were ready for. Answering it was dangerous. If you ignored the call, you might finally be able to start your journey of moving on forever. You might finally have the chance of leaving him behind. Either way, this phone call was a very decisive moment for you. Whatever you decided to choose, you knew it was going to change your relationship with him forever. 

So, what would it be? Would you open that door, or leave it shut forever? Deep down, before you even made your decision, you knew what you were going to do. 

Your phone stopped buzzing. 

It was quiet. 

And then… 

“Hey, Y/N.” 

You smiled. 

“Hey, Yeonjun.” 

permanent tag list: @exohclipse @stellz581 @ttyunz @mazeinthemoon @luvsoobs @n0-thisispatrick @arizzu @naveries @yeonboy @blaaiissee

tag list: @jakeshands @therealhyunjingf @loveliii @hearts4csb @emohazuzworld @yxnjvnnie @1921choi @tyunlatte @goldennika @agustdiv1ne @suhnnyskiess @wonioml @kazuhasmyhusband @yoshivitamins @jan-l @hkplushier @samisubi @sulliefimmie @choijxn @ta3ology @rikismiel @hyunniesluvs @myahfig4 @ineedsomezzz @destairea @cherriesbloss0m

#☀️.cruelsummer #yeonjun x reader #choi yeonjun x reader #yeonjun imagine #yeonjun oneshot #choi yeonjun imagine #choi yeonjun oneshot #yeonjun #choi yeonjun #txt x reader #txt #tomorrow x together #txt imagine #kpop x reader #txt oneshot

[fumifooms]

Do you think hanahaki-AU fits DunMeshi? As one of magical traps/curses of the dungeon, maybe. I only thought of Chilchuck's flowers: hemlock (pun intended. Also small light flowers giving headache), clover/shamrock (so Irish! Also sweet - and Chilchuck dislikes sweets), thistle (so prickly - and Celtic too) - and there my imagination stopped. And thank you for hosting the marchil event, it was great!!!

Oooh! You know what yeah I see the vision! I’m not a hanahaki person myself but yeah… Yeah I could see it. Out of any fandom, for the fantasy manga about funky speculative fauna and flora it could 1)make sense for it to exist in the world and be in line with canon and 2)be very interesting to explore. I imagine it’d be a sort of parasitic plant that grows in you not unlike how tentaclus and cracks in walls… I do feel like they’d have found a way to cure it and get rid of them in the world though, but it could be that people who can treat it are rare especially since it’d be a delicate operation. But a straight up magical curse from the dungeon would also be very interesting.

I really like your picks for chilchuck!!

I tried to look for flower meanings and you undersold hemlocks their poison are straight up terrifying. Hemlock also reminds me of the word wedlock, if that adds anything… Because of their poison they’re associated with pain and self-sacrifice, had trouble finding anything that didn’t start and end at "they’re bad news" lmaoo. Clovers are more of a no-brainer with meanings like hope, faith, love and luck. I associate them with youth as well but looking it up that’s just a me thing… Luck could be fun in an ironic way considering his life conditions, but also fun for the lucky very precise shots he makes like when he threw the knife at the dragon or with his bow, though he would hate having it be attributed to luck instead of his own hard-earned skills haha. And omg the Thistle…….. I’m obsessed with that actually. Sensory horror wise it’d be really interesting to read how it’s like coughing it up, ESPECIALLY with the sweet taste accompanying it oh my god. If we’re going with a marchil angle, the fact that she’s a sweet person… He dislikes sweets and he hates that he loves her. It reminds him of her and he hates it, the thistle in his throat is also her, his love for her is a thorn in his side, he loves her and it hurts him and he hates it all. It’s so Chilchuck to just suffer in silence and do jackshit about an unrequited love except beating himself up for it, sigh…

I’m sorry Thistle thistles are a Chilchuck thing to me now <3 You know I always underestimated how wild thistles look… It really does look like the flower is in a green jester costume with a funky little collar. Kui you visionary Thistles are also small and round and cute… What the prickles? No no that’s just little hair ahoges <3

I don’t have any particular ideas for everyone else… Forget-me-nots are a very Marcille pick with devotion, true love and remembrance… I also associate Marcille a bit with buttercups. Also Queen Anne’s Lace, which besides beauty symbolizes sanctuary, safety and refuge… Their seeds are edible and kind of taste like thyme btw, hah, time. They’re all softer kinds of flower, no poison or thorns afaik, and I think it suits her. Unrequited love with her wouldn’t be something as acid, it’d be a more poetic sort of ache, doomed longing that feels like a bruise rather than salt in an open wound.

#Ask #Hanahaki #Dungeon meshi #chilchuck tims #flower symbolism #marchil #Marcille donato #marchil angst thoughts overtaking me today again

[beevean]

You know, I think Netflixvania has a wasted opportunity regarding Dracula’s death.

Of course, it would require that NFCV take Dracula seriously, and not botch the execution as they do most of the time, but hear me out…

It would have been really cool if Nocturne had had some of its premise affected by Dracula’s actions. They could perhaps tweak Richter’s insecurity from “what purpose do I have if I’m not fighting Dracula” to “what purpose will I have if I don’t fight monsters,” as was elaborated in a previous post, and maybe have a villain’s motivation shaped by their time with Dracula, but he could feel present in the narrative, while still being dead, and in keeping with the games’ themes.

But that would also require respecting the source material, which the creators have shown little regard for.

*sigh*

I really like the scene of Dracula's death. If you separate it from the source material, it's perfect. Dracula isn't defeated through any conventional means, because he's way above anything anyone can throw at him: what finally brings him down is his own grief, it's the weight of all the mistakes he has made, it's a final moment of self-awareness. The episode is called "For Love", and ultimately, he stops out of love for his son.

It's beautiful. If he were an original villain, it would be such a 10/10.

But he's not an original villain, and yeah Dracula may be terrifyingly powerful, but the Vampire Killer and the Belmont determination even more so.

By all means, that scene should have been reserved for the SoTN adaptation. Have Dracula, 300 years after Lisa's death, fighting Alucard one to one, actually stop in his tracks and ponder, what is he even doing at this point? That was SoTN's emotional climax! Alucard telling Dracula Lisa's last words and making him reconsider, sadly only for a moment, his entire stance! Not Dracula's Curse's, which was about the development of the heroes! Trevor redeeming the Belmont's name, Alucard respecting his mother's wishes, Sypha and Grant avenging the death of their friends and the destruction of their homes! The show cares far more about its villains than it does about the heroes! So the price to pay for a wonderful scene fleshing out the antagonist was to reduce the protagonists' importance, with consequences for the future.

Another thing we need to remember is that NFCV ended with Dracula and Lisa being brought back to life, and them deciding to explore the world together (without telling Alucard a thing because fuck his grief i guess). No wonder no one remembers him in Nocturne! AFAIK, dude spent 300 years chilling in another castle! At most, he would be remembered as a monster spreading terror through Wallachia for a few months in the 15th century, a historical curiosity.

"A villain’s motivation shaped by their time with Dracula" hah, imagine if they brought back those nameless vampires that we see in his court in S2. In the games, when Dracula is dead, the antagonist is usually someone who is trying to bring him back, exception being PoR where Brauner has his own agenda (but he's still stealing Dracula's castle). They already did this in the show, but if they really cared about Dracula, they'd do it again... but yeah, they don't. So French Revolution and Sun Thundercat with Female Isaac it is for Nocturne :\

#anti netflixvania

[ultfreakme]

Clark "I got you" Kent and Lois "You got me, but who will got you?" Lane

and their reflection

John "I got everyone" Kent and Jay "You got everyone and I got you" Nakamura

Sorry, but I had to throw that in. Like, this parallel with Clois makes me smile all day.They're just to perfect. No judgment.

Oh, by the way, I read your post a long time ago about how John gave Jay some important ring. It was made of a very rare material, as you put it. Could you tell me a little more about this? Otherwise I’m not quite I realized what kind of ring this is, or more precisely, why it is so important (or maybe I just need to re-read the comic, I don’t know)

Have a nice day! 🌹💕

That's the parallel that made me start shipping JayJon. I love it so much. Lois's question is of awe and wonder at Clark's abilities, they don't know each other yet. With Jay & Jon, it's the exact opposite, Jay is seeing Jon at his worst, weakest and is saying "I don't care if you're Superman, you can rest and be vulnerable." Like the way they are on such opposite ends as situations ;_;

And the ring!! At the end of SOKE Jon gives Jay a ring right? It's the Legion of Super-heroes(LOSH) flight ring. It's made of Nth Metal, which is a pretty rare material and given only to Legion members, very exclusive in the 21st century and only three non-legionnaires have it; Booster Gold, Clark, and Jon (afaik). Jon got one because he was a member of LOSH for a brief time.

There are two options:

Jay's supersuit is from the future, made by the legionnaires presumably, and so they put in the ring along with the costume

Jon gave Jay his own ring. Both are wild because the first implies that Jon was meant to meet Jay, the legionnaires knew this and made him a costume. If they knew a 1000 years into the future, Jay was probably a very very big part of Jon's life (Nia got gauntlets from the legionnaires, given to her by her great-great-great granddaughter). The second implies that Jon's saying a fuck you to legionnaire rules and giving a very powerful and kinda personal gift to Jay(a ring???? COME ON, Jay even jokes about it lol).

Thanks for the ask Anon~~ this was really fun and my JayJon love just crushed me like a wave.

#riki asks #jayjon #jonjay #jon kent #jay nakamura #superman #superboy #superman son of kal el #soke #adventures of superman jon kent #aosjk #jonathan kent #jon el

[aspd-culture]

I have just a general question. Can people with ASPD experience a fixated person (fp) type relationship with someone like with other cluster b PD's?

I ask because one of my close friends has ASPD, and they have very low emotion & no empathy. But they told me recently that I'm currently the only person in their life to actually make them feel emotions and experience deep sympathy.

I know there's been some pushback from the cluster b community as a whole regarding FP's, which is understandable, there's nuance there. But I know when I first got diagnosed w/ BPD it was really helpful to have an actual term for that kind of relationship and since they just recently got diagnosed, I want to be able to give them that vocabulary.

Thanks for your time! Happy new year!

Absolutely yes. As you mentioned, people get pretty up in arms about who can/not use the term FP even within the cluster b community. Without getting into that, it is fairly commonly accepted that a somewhat similar type of attachment can exist throughout all cluster b disorders, with various differences based on which disorder you’re talking about.

In the case of ASPD, the term I’ve heard and personally use is Exception - as in people with ASPD have low/no empathy and/or social interest in other people, and this person/people is an Exception to that.

With my own Exceptions, I become extremely protective, get angry at myself when I hurt them (which isn’t remorse, but hey, it’s more than I care most of the time), and can often tell what they are feeling with much less analysis and effort than with most people. Alone with my Exceptions, I experience the closest thing I am capable of to typical social interaction, and I miss them when they aren’t around (unless my symptoms are especially flared or they hurt/upset me). When they hurt me, I feel betrayed and hurt, whilst I am unsurprised by the same situation with anyone else, and I take personally some of what they think and say about me.

Unlike with a BPD FP though, my self worth isn’t based on them, and I don’t change my personality to mimic theirs or what they like. I tend to only feel abandoned if there’s a real cause for that concern, and if I am angry enough I’m not even bothered my that.

I still have black and white thinking about them, but it’s not so much “all good” vs “all bad”, it’s more “worth my time” vs “waste of my energy”. I will often try to leave them to avoid the effort I put in for them and due to discomfort of even small amounts of empathy I feel towards them, but I generally don’t try and blow up the relationship or intentionally hurt them to do so - I just calmly state a bunch of logical issues with us staying together. I’m told that I come off rather cold and emotionless during this, which matches with how I feel in that time.

Of course, I’m mostly speaking off my experience here, but it is a common thing afaik for people with ASPD to have some variation of similar experiences with a select person/few people.

#actually antisocial #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd culture #aspd-culture-is #aspd traits #exception #ASPD exception #FP #favorite person #anons welcome

[yonemurishiroku]

On the topic of Nico turning the tides with his dad, Do you think Luke have a resentment for that? Luke dies so he had to confront Hades eventually ( Or maybe even Nico too )

Ohhhh buddy, you have no idea how many things I’ve got to say about Nico and Luke post-death. You’re treading dangerous territory.

But anw, to answer your question first, I don’t think Luke would be resentful.

Because more than not, Luke realized that relying on Kronos is not a wise choice (he contemplated running away with Annabeth) and at the end, he chose to kill himself to stop the Titan. He was aware that he chose wrong. So he did the right thing. (｡ ́︿ ̀｡) He became the hero of the prophecy.

In short, Luke was basically mentally redeemed at the end of his life and wanted to take down Kronos (and succeeded). So no, I don’t think he would hate on Nico for defeating him.

Hades, tho, is an entirely different matter - provided that Luke resents pretty much all inattentive parents. That means like, 9 out of 10 of all the gods. But he wouldn’t be disrespectful. He knows better than to piss off who holds his soul lol. And he has to gain rebirth, so there’s that. It really depends how Hades act.

Also, afaik, Luke waged the war because he wanted the gods to stop neglecting their children. So, imagine he sees Hades praising Nico - the pride in his eyes, the gratefulness in his shoulder-pat with all that glory of the House of Hades. He sees a father encourage his child. He sees a child getting compliments and thought it’s small, it’s love.

That was exactly what he wanted.

Sure, he would feel a little jealousy - We all do when others have what we can’t have. He’s barely ever seen a few glimpses of Hermes while another kid gets not only more involvement but praises - which Luke craved so much to prove himself, as proven by this failed quest. Hades and Nico’s father-son dynamic would be what he wishes he could have with his father.

(At least I think it is)

So, when it comes down to it, the matter lies solely in that how you want these feelings of him to cope. His kindness that’s happy for a god-demigod family bonding, and his jealousy that’s resents the unfairness of the situation. Yeah it’s complicated, but nothing about humans has been simple so… 🤷‍♀️ Maybe he would genuinely feel glad for Nico. Maybe he holds the misery in his heart, that aches every time he picture himself and Hermes in their places.

I wish indulge this more but I have little willpower at the moment LOL. If I decide to dive back in it, I’d try my best to write something to share. 👀 No promises, tho.

In addition, because you made a mistake of mentioning that he would have to face Hades after death, I’d like to claim that I, in fact, have a bunch of ideas depicting the picture of Luke’s after.

It’s about Nico watching Luke’s trial. Eyes on him, silently listening to the judges and his father giving their judgements.

It’s about Nico telling Luke about his father’s love and regrets.

It’s about Nico talking with Luke in his prison (assuming his rebirth is rejected).

Or taking him to bathe in the Lethe in the case his rebirth is accepted.

It’s about how Luke thanks Nico for bringing Hades’ army to stop Kronos - stop him.

It’s about how they voice their thoughts and simply sit there, talking about their lives and choices - what drove Luke to this end, why Nico didn’t turn away from the gods, etc… - because Nico never had a chance to come to know Luke Castellan and likewise, Luke barely knew about one Nico di Angelo besides his powers.

Which, leads us to this fic that I have been planning about Luke starting a new life under Nico’s surveillance. But I’d not burden you with that, so we’ll stop here lol.

Anyway, SINCERELY THANK YOU FOR INDULGING MY LUKE AND NICO PASSION AQKHDKAHDKASH. 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 I can fantasy for days about these two but not many people’re willing to dive in with me, so this really makes my day and if I’ve been over-enthusiastic, I’m really sorry.

I apologize for the late replies too… I was pretty preoccupied with uni work and tbh i still do, and i have this nasty habit of only replying when i’m at the best of mind, so it takes a bit of time LOL. Please know that I’d ALWAYS love to answer your asks, though. (´▽｀)

LOVE YOU AND BLESS YOUR HEART. 💓💓💓

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #percy jackson and the olympians #yone rambling #luke castellan #fanfic talk again bc what’s new anw? #yone headcanon #nico and luke #nico and hades #hades (pjo) #hermes (pjo) #prince of the underworld

[butchdonne]

so i’m planning a dickensian fic (not even halfway into the show but who cares)

slight spoilers for the show?

specifically a post-canon fix-it fic because dear god that situation needs fixing (i also read a summary of the last episode so i do know what happens roughly)

but the thing is. the show is written so that it basically acts as the backstory for a bunch of different dickens characters e.g. in one of the final scenes scrooge heard the voice of mr marley’s ghost, it ends with miss havisham abandoned at the altar, etc.

which is fine because it’s arthur havisham i want redeemed, who doesn’t appear in great expectations afaik. except it’s not. because the only way anything in his life can be fixed by the end is if he reconciles with his sister. miss havisham. who uh. has disowned him. and also by reconciling them i’m literally derailing the whole plot of great expectations too. obviously that’s not gonna stop me tho :D

anyways vague summary:

so the show ends with arthur jumping off a roof. the obvious plot point here would be to have someone save him/stop him from jumping

the person who rescues him in my fic is a poor priest (?) called raphael

raphael stops arthur from jumping (despite his protests) and takes him to the church he oversees (idk how priesthood worked in the victorian era but whatever. maybe he’s a vicar?)

arthur doesn’t want to reveal his identity so he goes by arthur burns

there are like. 2 main plotlines

the first is that arthur played the organ as a child and now he discovers that he’s actually really talented so he starts working for raphael’s church as an organist

and yk. romance between him and raphael obviously but it takes agessssss like the whole story basically

the second is how he reconciled with amelia. which is by anonymously helping her get revenge on compeyson

(they’re definitely both the vengeful type like come on)

and eventually she realises he’s behind it because she’s smart

uhhh what else. i actually don’t know how it ends for compeyson so this may not work but i have a feeling he wins

so yeah! also this is raphael

he’s awesome and i adore him <3

#pip squeaks #my ocs #writing #fanfic #dickensian #arthur havisham #ok now tell me shit. shoot ideas at me. idk

[graceisprettygreat]

I am always thinking about characters food preferences what do you think is vlr cast favourite foods (include that characters that can't eat. pretend they can)

sorry this took a bit! wanted to do some research to get the best possible answers bc i simply can not do off the top of my head assignments, i must be correct!!! oh also i decided to go with meals even though you said food? idk it is what my brain demanded Akane - This may be an utterly freak answer but like. Gaspacho. Cold tomato soup dish idk i think she likes tomato soup a lot. The vibes. It being served cold is a nice touch, and they have tomato on the moon. Certainly not a fave from her childhood i think but became one late into life Alice - I'm not too awfully confident, but I think she'd like green pepper mahshi. Though she wouldn't have likely actually eaten it before moving to the states, I think it was made very often at home and the smell alone is a comfort. With, afaik, the ingredients all being easy to find in the US, I'm sure she had it plenty in her childhood, and it takes her back to comforting times with her father. Clover - I’m starting to regret saying meals bc. look at her. How can I answer anything but nutella crepe with strawberries. The answer is nutella crepe with strawberries Dio - Microwaved can of ravioli but left out until it's room temperature. It is the favorite food of everyone clone and i think they eat it in troughs Ellen - Human flesh. GOLM - BEANS ON TOAST INNIT? Kyle - I think out of spite it would became the same as Akane’s. Sigma does not like it at all so Kyle is making it his mission to enjoy it even though he. Doesn’t lmao. THIS WASNT MEANT TO BE SAD IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY BUT ITS KINDA FUCKED UP SORRY. I think he’d honestly like a hot tomato soup but he has to stick it to Sigma. Lagomorph - Carrots but only the orange part, which is not accurate to how rabbits actually eat, but Lagomorph does on purpose to piss you off. Lord Hoppington - Only the most distinguished of flies Luna - She would adore an ethically sourced chicken salad. Nothing fancy at all, she likes plain simple food and this certainly fits the profile. Phi - Inscrutable fucking vibes. Just something absolutely bizarre I think. Like I think it’s normal but then an addition that is the worst. Twice cooked pork but topped with broken up ketchup potato chips. sorry if this is slander i only seek the truth none of this is personal Sigma - Something he could make fast and easy to do while working. Whether it’s his college studies or his preparing to kill 9 people. Honestly maybe still fucking instant ramen. Oh also, a frog. Tenmyouji and Quark - I think both share a favorite, and it's the stews Tenmyouji makes. It's a staple of their household, something easy to make that doesn't take too many resources and warms them in the winters. It's so incredibly comforting to the both of them. It of course wasn't always Tenmyouji's favorite, but it became a necessity early into the apocalypse. And once he saw Quark's love for it, he couldn't not love it himself.

[werewolfetone]

where other than wikipedia are you learning 1798 stuff from? I’ve been kinda interested in it for a while but i’m having trouble finding stuff, especially books, about it that i can easily access

Before I get into this, disclaimer I'm not the biggest expert on it yet, I'm learning too, so what I say isn't as concrete and my opinions will likely change.

And second disclaimer, most of these are pretty old. It isn't the most recent scholarship, mostly because that's difficult to get online and there isn't always a lot of it. Most of this older writing is still more or less sound, though.

That being said! Books, divided into government and rebel. The ones that I could find a way to access them for free online, I've linked.

Government:

You can't get this one online afaik but I would really recommend Castlereagh: A Life by John Bew. It isn't just about 1798 (though it does go over it in detail, specifically from the government's perspective, in the first part of the book), but I'd recommend giving it a read if you're interested in '98 because Castlereagh gets brought up a LOT and there are a lot of. hm. conflicting opinions on him, to put in mildly. so you're going to want to understand him at least vaguely, and this is the most recent/best biography of him that I know of.

William Pitt The Younger by William Hague. Pitt wasn't directly involved, exactly, but he was the PM at the time and it's good to understand him if you want to understand the wider political scene of the time. This is also good because it gives you an intro into who Charles James Fox was, and his relationship with the government and Pitt.

Rebel:

William Orr by Francis Joseph Bigger. This is just about Orr's execution, but that was a very influential event that you're definitely going to want to know about in detail. And theoretically, I would also recommend the rest of Bigger's The Northern Leaders of '98 series, but I can't actually find any of them online so I'm not sure how to read them.

RR Madden wrote a whole series on... pretty much all of the rebels, including the lesser known ones. His accounts of it are notable because to write them he actually interviewed people who knew the rebels (and McCracken's section was written by his sister Mary Ann McCracken! which is pretty cool).

DISCLAIMER I HAVEN'T STARTED READING THIS YET but I've got the book History of the Irish Insurrection of 1798 by Edward Hay, which seems promising.

Memoirs of Wolfe Tone, which was written by the man himself. I've juuust started reading this one.

I was literally reading Women of '98 by Constance Markievicz as I got this ask. It's really more of an essay but it's pretty good so far.

The Life And Death of Lord Edward Fitzgerald (volumes one and two are both linked) by Thomas Moore. This is about Lord Edward specifically and I really liked it.

I should probably add just to try to be as unbiased as possible that all of what I just recommended to you on the rebels was, as far as I know, written by Republicans. If you want to read Unionist opinions on the rebels of '98... uh... go ahead... but personally I've not read any so you'll have to find those yourself.

Also, neither of them were directly involved in the rebellion and neither of them were Irish but if you're doing general research and you want to understand some of the political ideas the United Irishmen were inspired by, you ought to read Paine and Wollstonecraft, specifically Rights of Man, Common Sense, and A Vindication For The Rights of Women. And *deep sigh* I guess you might also give Burke's Reflections On The Revolution In France a read, if only to understand another major political viewpoint in Ireland at the time. Having at least a basic idea of the timeline and ideas of the French Revolution is also pretty important, Wikipedia is probably fine for that but if you're a bit more interested I would recommend Liberty Or Death by Peter McPhee.

#also feel free to ask me questions if you've got them. i love excuses to do specific research lmao #1798 rebellion #irish history #j bew #fj bigger #rr madden #c markievicz #thomas paine #edmund burke #mary wollstonecraft #books #ref #< for me. to be able to find this post again #asks #anon

[hexfloog]

The unchild

chaos.

disclaimer #2: i’m not sober again

if they were real i would be afraid of them

• tell me you wouldn't also be afraid of the 7 year-old who can probably recite building code and moratorium declarations to your face on command

they're like a blorbo to me / i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog

• in spite of ^^^this,^^^ he is baby............... i want to smoosh him and nuzzle him like a pet T.T this is how i came to own a child-sized cone

they're deeper than they seem

• shinichi's most obvious, surface-level flaws are his stubbornness and, ironically, his own moral code (which can often lean into gray morality, but is no less relentless than if it were more black and white). they're both big driving forces behind his tendency to jump headfirst into danger, in spite of his analytical skills. combined with his formidable wit, he ends up a sharp character without a lot of wiggle room to volunteer compassion, but that amount is not zero.

• .........idk, how to say this.  shinichi suffers from shonen main character syndrome in that the show likes to flaunt his main character appeal and little else.  a lot of him is hidden beneath that and if you want it you have to WORK for it. for example - the show tends to play vulnerability for laughs-- not all the time, but a lot.  like what reason would shinichi have to be so pointed and overachieving in everything he does.  on the surface, the show tells you oh, well, he’s a bit cocky.  which... yes, but there’s probably ulterior motives to that, buried beneath layers and layers of bullshit that he himself probably doesn’t recognize: perhaps a staunch refusal to be caught in a position where he can be trampled (maybe after spending many childhood years watching ran go through it?), perhaps to claim some semblance of control over his life-- and by extension, to eke out of the shadow of his parents' legacy?  to predict every possible angle, every possible outcome, to protect any and every place he could possibly be wounded, so that someone like his father can't exploit it under the guise of some fucked test of character?

wasted potential / i like them enough to project my own issues onto them / nothing i like about them is technically canon

• i have my fair share of identity issues. a lot of them have to do with passion and purpose. cone/shinichi is nothing BUT an identity crisis and his need to suppress his real identity in all facets-- smarts, emotions, personality quirks-- only causes additional issues to surface as he continues to pretend being something/someone he isn't. does this even count if he's already canonically a Huge Mess??

• as is my usual spiel surrounding shinichi/conan he has all the ingredients for a fully-fleshed, canonical identity THING but it's never taken as seriously as one would reasonably expect (in the same way kogoro's alcoholism is often played for laughs). who wouldn't consider that massive, wasted potential. on a more macroscopic scale, the damage he causes vis-a-vis this implied identity crisis is also never coaxed out from under the rug and is either dismissed or swept back under it.

• in fact, this show is SO guilty of keeping things surface-level that tbh I think it relies on reading between the lines to keep its fandom space ablaze, at least to some degree. this show takes so much that would ordinarily be considered cause for concern and spins it into a joke or something far less consequential. shinichi's internal identity crisis is entirely implied afaik and i just take that and run with it (looking at you, desperate revival). incidentally this implied conflict is probably what i like most about him, with his dorkiness a close second.

wow! they are a horrible person

• do i really need to point out the real-life years of gaslighting and lying, not just to law enforcement/legal entities, but to the person he considers to be the most important to him. i mean i know he means well by it but it's sooo wrong and sooo damaging... like ran can keep a secret, can’t she??  does he fear that she’s too emotionally compromised or something??? (being emotional =/= weakness???? wow that’s an assessment a girl like ran doesn’t need to hear holy shit) 

• even worse, this boy tends to be witness #1 to the direct fallout (not just from ran but from everyone), he's GOTTA be more than aware of the consequences of what he's doing (and...tbf i think he is, at least when the show wants to milk that for something)

• in that regard, he may be horrible, but not irredeemable; he's nearly given up at least twice because the emotional burden was too much, but my brother in christ....... you started the lie:

'i can't do this anymore.'

why do they look like that / they are sooooo cool looking

• dork-ass bow-tie wearing BITCH (affectionate)

• i say this like babby hex didn't have a HUGE crush on shinichi during her first detco phase, and as if this pre-existing bias/his appearance has no bearing on why he's still my favorite *sweats*

• just to incriminate myself even more i literally just watched ep.400 and reeled at seeing shinichi again for longer than a few seconds, even if it was just in flashback.  i watched almost all the shinichi episodes first and haven’t rewatched most of them since so my lizard brain is probably thirsting over here and i don’t even realize it until he appears onscreen again

i'm mentally ill about them

• have you seen my body of detco art/writing and who stars in 90% of it

they work better as part of a dynamic

• for the most part i feel that shinichi is enhanced when he interacts with someone else.  as the protagonist he can already carry himself but i always seem to enjoy him exponentially more when he gets to butt heads, be challenged, or cooperate with someone else as one half of a duo (and specifically a duo, bc with larger groups the focus dissipates. like with the detective boys he tends to vibe more as group dad/big brother/a chaperone):

○ haibara: someone who relates to his existential dilemma. she's a moral challenge for him as someone whom he would've--and almost did--without a doubt condemn to super hell at first sight.  how would pre-moonlight sonata shin have reacted to her?  her history is behind her, but can he forgive that, even if she knows she's completely renounced the old ways?  her time at the BO/her status as creator of APTX is a stain that can't be washed off the record just as a matter of fact, it's up to her found family to scrub it on a social level and sometimes i wonder if shinichi is up to it, even after the slight revisions to his moral code.  the BO in general has a strange way of bringing out some rarely-seen behavior in him, so i do wonder... when it comes down to it... yeah this isn’t how murderer!shinichi was birthed at all

○ heiji: someone who shares his passion for detective work and treats him as an equal.  i could argue this is because he sees right past the veil of conan, but... i don’t really think that’s entirely true.  he seemed to respect conan even before the truth was confirmed.  imo heiji’s a challenge of companionship for him, being one of the few he can be freely open with-- and thus vulnerable-- at all times.  when he’s alone, or around most others, shinichi is forced to wall himself off to avoid signaling the likenesses to himself, so i think being close with someone he can trust with the full truth is like opening a faucet and trying to temper the flow when you’re not sure if too much or too little has come out.  is that even a coherent metaphor t.t 

○ kaito: someone who challenges his wit enough to make him a tantilizing/worthy opponent.  heiji was this once, until he assumed the companion role.  kaito is also something of a challenge to his worldview, there’s probably some overlap there with haibara regarding his moral code (are there any other criminals he’d willingly cooperate with, or even be so sure of their principles that he’d -mostly- trust them around people in general? i mean it’s not like shinichi really has a choice when he he gets to a point when he has to partner up with kaito but... you know what i mean, he’d probably give up his life before partnering up with other criminals).  what he provides shinichi that haibara can’t though is a test of passion, and... maybe by extension, self-restraint, in relation to that passion and defiance of private morality.

well, i am not immune from conan/shinichi fever nor do i claim to be even in the slightest.  the show is named after him for a reason and clearly he must have some power over me if i fell in love with his character twice, with 15ish years between each instance.  even so, i think he’s weirdly underutilized-- or at least i think his full potential is underutilized.  for a protag of a show running for 25 years there’s a surprising lack of exploration of anything beyond surface-level, whether that’s his character on its own merits or in relation with someone else.

it’s a shame, but luckily the character is popular enough that discussion is not difficult to find among fandom spaces, mine included.

thank u for asking about my blorbo <3

#ask #ask game #dcmk #edogawa conan #kudou shinichi #internal screaming hours #shsl-box-worshipper #text #posting this now but i definitely wrote most of this when i wasn't all here #think i repeated myself quite a bit here actually rip

[mercurypyrite]

“You better be ready, ‘cause I’m not coverin’ you this time.”

“Are they targeting where I got injured?!”

“Riddle can bust out a spell so fast it’s not even funny. And he’s got the firepower to lead a group and fight at the head of it. It’s a double-edged sword, considering his stamina and personality. But he’s had confidence as a leader for a long time, and that’s what counts.

“Azul’s got maneuvers for days, just like an octopus should. He’s a quick thinker and knows how to put himself in an advantageous position. He probably struggled a lot adapting to life on land, but he sees that as a strength.

“So what do you bring to the table? ‘I haven’t gotten serious yet. If only I had the right opportunity, I’d show them all…’ Pfft. Only losers make excuses like that.”

> leona explicitly admits to covering for jamil (which was, y’know, already obvious but now it’s in words from leona — so there’s no mistaking it)

> jamil’s injury comes back into play

> leona blows up at jamil and lays shit out plainly

is it christmas? ‘cause i’m getting everything i wanted!!

like- this, this is the part of leona that i love the most. he’s lazy (or, y’know, depressed, but afaik most people see him as lazy?) but he’s so so smart. man plays chess for fun. he’s sensed rook watching him from practically across campus.

he respects his fellow housewardens’ skills, even if he doesn’t necessarily like them, and can provide an unbiased assessment of them.

he cares enough about jamil — if only as someone under his command, or even just a potential asset — to cover him, even if he covers his own tracks by saying jamil looked “so pathetic [Leona] couldn’t help [him]self.”

it’s just so fun to watch the gears turning in his head, and even more so when he shares it with someone else.

and obviously jamil’s not happy about being called out, especially so bluntly, but it’s… probably good for him? probably. maybe. his arrogance has always been a pretty big flaw, and it’s especially harmful in a situation like this where they need to have an accurate assessment of their own capabilities.

hopefully jamil adjusts his approach soon, so the friction can smooth over slightly. (and jamil will have to be the one to change, because leona knows where jamil’s coming from — he just doesn’t care.)

#py bites #twst #twst book 6 spoilers #py liveblogs twst book 6

[cospinol]

oh my god kingdom finale DID make room for chu court drama, it’s a ka rin episode!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

She’s got knife tricks and she’s your new president!!! Literally every sequence she appears in is among my favourites but this one is so particularly choice, she’s literally getting the chancellor gig getting handed to her on a silver platter and she’s being so difficult abt it because she hates politics❤️ I loooove the bit where ri en talks back to her and yoku-rei & bam yuu are like ok it’s the end of this guy’s life I guess. Also (afaik) our sole tidbit of lore on her sibling situation:

When I first read this part of the manga my assumption was that the younger brother referred to here was ka en, and tbh I still hope that’s the case & that what upsets her here is a memory/aspect of their past together, because I really enjoyed their dynamic as it was presented in coalition and I’d like for it to be the one to get fleshed out — ik it’s more popular opinion that there *is* a second younger brother who she failed to find (the wiki even lists it as such) but it doesn’t do anything for me, & the idea of her being secretly related to someone we know is even dumber to me lol. Nonetheless I’m always on the edge of my seat waiting for her to get a major enough campaign role again that we actually find out more on this situation, it’s been so long lol..

and ofc this sequence getting animated means the return of someone else I wasn’t expecting to be lucky enough to see again:

;______; i love himmmmmm… we got to see him very briefly in s3 but it’s really been ages. he’s so handsome and he’s having such a good time ;_; ka rin reminding him that he’s just a freeloader in chu presently is so cute, the image of him really just lounging around the capital since they let him in back in the aftermath of sanyou, the way they’ve had this weapon they don’t know what to do with all this time so he’s just been Hanging Out. banging my fists in the table mr hara put him in a campaign again plsssss

the anime couldn’t make room for haku rei sizing kyou en up as a fellow member of the ten bows, though, which is a shame bc I love any tidbits about that group (looking forward to inevitably seeing tan and jin on the field with one of them sooner or later), ntm that it’s also been an eternity since we last saw kyou en. Yoku and rei’s shocked reaction to seeing team ren pa makes me think that they’ve never properly met, even though they’re part of the same military..

Over on the qin end of things, the episode structure also got shifted around a little - we open on yo tan wa (❤️) and then go straight to chu, so the scene where shin-hon-ten discuss their great general candidacies gets moved from the beginning of the enshi siege to the end;

Which means some funny tweaks to the dialogue: in the manga, they don’t know that yo tan wa is essentially confirmed as one of the six already so they think there are still two spots up for grabs, so ou hon ends the conversation by saying he’s sure it’ll be himself and mou ten. But in the anime they know there’s only one spot left so he just says it’ll be himself :’)

And the very end of the episode has an entirely original bit where the three of them get their marching orders and mou ten gets worried on shin’s behalf about the koku you posting ;_; but shin is undaunted; on to koku you!!!

(In 2024, anyways)

#aaaa such a treat… I’d totally talked myself out of the idea of the chu drama being in this episode #so getting to see ka rin was such a wonderful surprise!!! She’s literally your president now #yoku-rei & bam yuu being absolutely floored by ri en’s proposition is also so funny. alongside the fact that she Does accept<3 #txt #kingdomposting #;_____; and that’s our last weekly kingdompost I guess… idk what I’ll do with myself every week from now on #rewatch the first 5 or so episodes of coalition I guess

[fumifooms]

Do you know about the Marchil h-doujin, just called "Marchil Meshi"? (Dunno wether you're comfortable about adult content regarding the ship. If not, sorry and feel free to ignore).

Imagine my surprise… When a few months ago, I was looking up places to buy doujins for dunmeshi online bc of that new-ish laimar (sfw) doujin and I find, many many nsfw ones bUT AMONGST THE HORDE… MARCHIL MESHI. I ate it up. It’s a lil iconic to me ngl, I quote it in my head sometimes. Marcille angrily gesturing always gets me cackling. It honestly has no business being this good, it was made pretty early on in the story so many years ago, and STILL! So in character, and honestly so funny, AND no weird business either. Like listen, I scour the internet, looking for any marchil content, any marchil content at all… And find a dry af desert, no life here, literally jackshit nothing. Only Pixiv has some afaik but the nsfw is def… Hm. 😔 (2 fics tagged chirumaru on there btw!! That aren’t mine lol) Thank you marchil meshi author if I had to pick 1 piece of marchil nsfw to exist I’d choose this one (honestly that’s already so close to reality lol) Thank u Asaki Takayuki I owe u my life. I like zines but I’ve never bought doujins before so it didn’t cross my mind, but dunmeshi is taking a lot of my first times in fandom engagement and I bought said laimar doujin just the other day hehe 

I do want to keep my blog generally sfw but yes I’m 100% cheering on nsfw marchil content from the shadows, glad that ao3’s finally getting some too. I hope that fic writer makes more… Tallman Chil is so so good but I hope they also do some more general premises, which the end notes on that one do make me hopeful 👀 I want more marchil writers in general. More marchil fanartists. Sfw nsfw idk I need to be fed 😭 (<- This post was drafted before that new marchil smut fic WOOHOO. So much new marchil content this week!!)

Oh while I’m here, I find this so funny/odd, but in japanese fandom ship names are simply the beginning of each name smushed together, like marchil or chilmar. The order of the names is that the first one is the "top"… Idk how jp fandoms live without switches but aight, but in m/f ships this means that typically the man is the first half of the ship name right. WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT marchil is so much more used than chilmar lmaoo. Even more stats: On Pixiv, the tag marchil had all the artworks, but the chilmar tag had all the fics. Ain’t that wack to think about. Anyways marchil or chilmar idc you go guys

Sighh thinking about them. They are so "I beg your pardon??!" "Then beg", "Fuck you!" "Fuck me yourself you coward"… Forget stamens and pistils, Chil is the cursed "You see, there are keys and there are locks…"

More under cut since I don’t get to talk about this often, screenshots and hcs for horny time

^ said panel that lives rent free in my head and makes me giggle. I wish I’d just put the whole page here it’s my fave but nahh go find it yourself

Why are they like this. Like what is thatttt

I need to stop collecting these I’m making myself feel insane (thank you fic writer for that last one I’d never noticed but omg)

Alright hc time what was I gonna talk about… Ah yes ah yes. I def think Chil is a pest, he’s horny and he wants sex and is flagrant about it, but also we know that he stayed faithful for 4 years without getting any, I feel like realistically the relationship sex wise would 100% be on Marcille’s pace. And this is the fun part, bc would Marcille be very eager? Would she want to do the romance book correct™️ route and that means no tapping until marriage, or he needs to court her all princely first? I hc that elves have a much lower libido than humans because of the whole long af lifespan thing, it’d be kinda funny if Marcille was like "Let’s take things slow… 🥺" aka first base achieved after two years of being together lol

But seee that’s the thing too bc Marcille is so afraid of loss she might rush through things as well, she very well could like, jump on him right after confessing. Is Chilchuck kind of a shithead or is he very gentlemanly and romantic, wanting to do it right and treat her well? They are such a blank canvas of sexual chemistry listen LISTENNN there are just so so many ways you can go with them they are so special. God the banter… They cannot stop bantering for a second I swear So many kinks they could fit… I like uhh praise kink for him and for her… Idk she just really loves him and the emotional adoration is what’s at the core of her enjoying it all so like, loving Chilchuck kink, which turns out those two really match together 🫶 He makes her sing and ummm um you see where this goes. They are so grossly in love and into each other

They are so domestic. I hate them

#Followers you now know about the existence of this you’re welcome #Marchil #Sorry for taking a week to answer this ask. I have so many to get back to aaa sorry everyone #There’s never a perfect time to drop bomb posts like these gdvdgd #Fumi rambles #the opening line of this post is a quote of Amanda’s iconic rant about PLA sneasler in my heart #No one can reblog this post it shall be framed in shame on my blog only /j

[o0anapher0o]

Thesis statement about David: He’s not worse than anyone else in the VC, but he is a worse character.

(Disclaimer: I still haven’t read all the books so everything is based on David in qotd, totbt, tva and what I heard about him on tumblr).

From what I’ve seen people’s opinion of David seem to vary between ‘I hate him, he’s the absolute worst’ and ‘he’s just boring and pointless’ and while I’m aware a lot of hatred for him comes from Anne’s original intention to replace Louis with him, I think a lot of it, especially from people who weren’t in the fandom back then, is actually because he is such a dull character.

David isn’t objectively the worst vampire in the chronicles. He is neither the only one who can rightfully be accused of grooming and paedophilia (that list is disturbingly long), nor is he actively psychotic (as some of the most popular characters are). Most other characters, however, have ever growing mountains of trauma and/or clinical depression that can be used to excuse/explain their horrible deeds and generally shitty behaviour, which afaik David doesn’t have. And he also doesn’t have any redeeming qualities that endear him to the reader. Most of the other major characters are at the very least entertaining, or interesting, or to a degree relatable.

Armand and Claudia are terrible abusive little murder gremlins with no conscience, but they are both incredibly tragic and also have enough sass to make them likeable. Lestat is as full of himself, op’d and privileged as David, but he is fun to watch because he is an idiot who keeps re-traumatizing himself most of the time by making decisions so stupid even he isn’t surprised when they blow up in his face. Milage on book!Louis relatability varies but a lot of people (including Jacob Anderson) do feel kinship with him. He was born of Anne’s darkest hour and as much as that made her despise him later it makes him the most real and grounded character in the chronicles. Akasha is literally a genocidal megalomaniac, but she has a fascinating back story and raises a bunch of philosophical questions. She is interesting. Even Marius is less egregious than David imo, because he’s such a pathetic looser, who is simply too far up his own arse to realise it (he’s only kept afloat by the fact that most other characters don’t realise it either).

David has next to no entertainment value, is only relatable if you’re an old, white, male academic and on top of that he doesn’t ever really fail (okay, the thing with the body thief could be considered a failure, but he literally failed himself into an upgraded body and didn’t even have to pay for it with added severe trauma or a life lesson learnt like Lestat usually does). No wonder nobody likes him, there is nothing more aggravating than a person who loves telling everyone how great they are, who also continuously succeed.

And that’s really David’s failing as a character, and why his terrible traits stand out so much more. There is simply no counterbalance, nothing to make the reader care. You can’t relate to him, you can’t root for him, you can’t laugh at him, you can’t even pity him. David commits the most grievous crime a fictional character can: He is not interesting enough to be engaging but annoying enough to be enraging.

#given david as a character is older than me I'm assuming all of this has been said before #just not by me #david talbot #tvc #the vampire chronicles

[rebelwhodoesntknow]

SORRY MORE THINGS I forgot!!

Stars is wild honestly, aiaktsu is the type of show that was never really on a break from being made, at least during their airing, so they kept jerking around how serious the tone was

They made things feel too drastic with Yume nearly being expelled and some sad moments in the beginning, so they tried to change direction because a lot of little kids were finding it boring/too serious/kind of scary compared to the og series... but they didn't re-write all these episodes that weree like that, so it kept going back and forth for a bit

ITS SO FUNNY they wanted to make yume more responsible for choosing to use her random power as like, a cheat, and then decided not to make it that serious, so there are now instagram hate accounts for yume calling her a narcissist and a horrible friend and afaik THESE ACCOUNTS STILL POST ABOUT IT LOL like let the kids show idol have a happy life wtf 😂

Akari and Aine are tied for my fav protagonists but then I feel bad for leaving Ichigo out so, Ichigo too, but I love everyone so much!!

Okay sorry for so much rambling it's insane I never posted or anything during it's airing so, by the time I got to say things about it, I'd seen the active fandom for years, but it died right before I could've been a part of it </3

Yeah stars is very odd but I also kind of love it for that! The songs absolutely slap I think they’re some of the best. But from what I’ve gathered with Yume’s plot line, it really seemed like they did not know what to do with her power. Like if the power was random how exactly was it a cheat? Shouldn’t she have learned to control it rather than learning how to turn it off? I feel that her learning to accept her power after shoving it aside for so long and genuinely using it to win in big situations could have been cool to see. Those Instagram accounts are fucking nuts though. I did adore the Star Wings however, that was just cool shit and I’m desperately trying not to mention my annoyance with Hime for breaking that whole thing….hhhhh

Because I’ve watched the least of it I need to know: how is Friends, genuinely? It seems like a return to form after Stars, but it’s never drawn me in as much as the first two series have. Plus, it also has one of the only coords I actively dislike in it (which is a shame because I love Identity but if I want to watch a performance of it I have to look at Milky Joker’s mistakes). But I know for a fact the music is good so maybe I should watch it more!

Who’s your favorite character in terms of singing voice? I think mine might be Aoi, I have no clue why it just sounds super nice!

#aikatsu

[msbarrows]

Posting these here because AFAIK they’ve long since disappeared off the internet anywhere else. These are the handful of screenshots I still have of Inertia (later - and only briefly - known as Full Auto), the original game that Pseudo Interactive was working on for Microsoft before this was cancelled and the contract to create Cel Damage as a launch title for the original XBox was signed (PI was the first 3rd party developer to be signed to create an XBox launch title). Which... also got cancelled by Microsoft, and then picked up and put out by EA instead.

Anyway, this was the title PI was working on when I was hired back in 1997 (when the entire company was four guys working out of David’s mom’s house). It was using a then pretty damn revolutionary real-time physics engine coded by David Wu (who’d worked briefly at Origin Systems in Texas before returning to Toronto to open his own game studio, along with two engineer and one musician friend of his). The vague idea behind the game was that the player was driving around on (and sometimes in) an alien planet at some nebulous future time, and the planet was infested with vehicular and robotic opponents. Also, your car had guns you could customize (yeah the guys were heavily inspired by Car Wars, I still remember their excitement at getting to meet and talk to Steve Jackson at GDC one year).

The game had a lot of problems, such as not being sure if it was more of a race game, or car combat, or a first person shooter (except for you being a car instead of a being), or something entirely different and unique. At one point David had to essentially rewrite the vast majority of the code, because so many things had been changed and/or added on (there was a tendency for him to create a simple feature such as animated textures so the world wouldn’t be as static, only to come in the next day and find out we had used animated textures to make a conveyor belt and a river and oh, hey, David - can you make it so this sliding texture has a physics effect on vehicles? Great, perfect, thanks!).

It suffered from a lack of direction, basically. It was also the most fun thing I have ever worked on in my life (yes including working on Cel Damage afterwards, plus some additional game demos after that). I still regret we never got to finish and publish it. I still miss working with the game editor and engine we used for it.

Some favourite memories:

See the screenshot of the blue car and the walker robot? It’s cut off at the top of the screenshot but there’s a sort of scorpion tail/reverse ostrich head bit on top of the robot that is an articulated arm with a gun on the end. That’s one of my levels - I can still remember what a HUGE GRIN I had on my face while play-testing that level. I’d encountered the walker robot, slammed into its legs with my car, and even while it was tumbling through the air from the impact the robot’s AI was driving the arm to try to continue facing me and shooting me.

Working on a different level, there’s a bit where you encounter what’s essentially a large bulldozer with a scoop on the front. I programmed the AI (using a very simple AI wizard, basically) that when it detected a player it would try to get close to them. If it was close to them it would raise its scoop and try to ram into them. If it was rammed into them (forget if that was also distance based or a sensor on the front), it would slam its scoop up and down. Play-tested the level, I’m driving through a darkened underground area, suddenly a big dozer slams into the side of my car, jamming my vehicle against a wall, and then pounds its scoop up and down on me. I loved how we could create such seemingly intelligent hunting behaviour using very simple AI rules.

The lower left screenshot with the vehicle inside a cylindrical space with a cluster of glowy things, that was one of the multiplayer arenas. We had control of gravity within each portaled space, so that cylinder was a ring of wedge-shaped spaces with the gravity towards the outer “floor” of each wedge, so yes you could drive all around the exterior of the cylinder. There were a couple of goals inside (at opposite sides and ends, so you had to go around the cylinder to get to the goals) and the cluster of glowy things is a ball. You’d catch the ball by ramming it with your vehicle, which attached it to you with an invisible elastic tether, and then you had to drag it behind your vehicle to get it to your own goal... with everyone on the other team trying to ram it and take it away from you, or shoot you. Yes it was very fun to play.

#Gaming #Game Development #Pseudo Interactive #David Wu