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weaselle · 2 months

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it was too much i had to make my own post

line cook here. ACCURATE

if you don't get the hate, here's what you don't understand.

it takes up to 2 hours to close down the kitchen.

The last 60-90 minutes before closing time you do almost no cooking because the restaurant doesn't have many people in it and you've already cooked most of their diners.

So if someone walks in during, like, the last hour, the cook is in the middle of an industrial deep clean of the kitchen.

(these numbers can vary quite a bit from place to place but i have worked several restaurants with these actual times and the concept remains the same)

Say the place closes at 10. If you wait til the restaurant is already closed to start all your cleaning duties, you'll be there until at least midnight.

More than that your boss knows that on an average night you can start your clean up as soon as the last rush ends and get out of there around 10:45, even 10:15 on a slow night if you get lucky. That means there are plenty of restaurants where if you do take until midnight the manager is going to come up to you at some point that week and ask you what went wrong that night, and you'd better have an answer.

So this example restaurant closes at 10 pm. The dinner rush ends around 8:30, and shortly after that the cook is going to start getting every single dish possible over to the dishwasher because the dishwasher always gets hit hard and late, and the machine runs for 2 full minutes and only holds so many dishes, so the way that works out is if you wait an extra 30 minutes to give the dishwasher all your stuff it can mean adding like 60 minutes to the end of his shift. And you're gonna KEEP finding shit to send to the dishpit right up until you leave probably.

all these little square and rectangle containers in this cold table have to be pulled out and changed over into new containers, replaced by new full ones, or in some cases filled from larger containers in the back, which can result in even more empty containers to send to the dishwasher.

while it's all pulled apart to do this, you have to clean up all the spilled food and sauce and juices and stuff from the joints and ledges and shelves and drip trays

Once you get your line changed over in this way, and fully stocked, anytime someone orders something that makes use of a bunch of that stuff, you have to restock and re-clean it some. It might already be covered in plastic. Some of it might already be stuck in the back to make room to take apart your cutting board counter to clean. To cook a dish isn't TOO much of a problem at this point, but you're really hoping for zero orders because you still have so much other cleaning to do.

Meanwhile the salad bar and appetizer section and server station and everybody are all doing the same thing. Even the bartenders are stocking olives and lemons and sending back whisks and stir spoons and shakers and empty 4quart storage containers that used to hold the back-up lemons and olives and things. Every section is dumping their must-be-cleaneds to the dishpit as fast as possible because early and fast is the only thing they can do to to help that dishpit not absolutely drown into overtime.

The poor dishwasher is always the last to clock out, soaking wet and exhausted.

Around this time you probably scrub the flat top, which has turned black from cooked on grease and is still about 500 degrees. Line cooks are divided in opinion on water-based or oil based cleaning methods for this, but they all involve scrubbing with (usually) a brick of pumice stone using every ounce of your strength while you try not to burn yourself

you scrub it from fully blackened to gleaming silver and now if somebody orders something that needs the flat top to cook, you can either fuck up your cleaning job or fake it in a couple frying pans and pass that tiny fuck you down to your dishwasher (who usually understands, especially if you help them take the garbage out or clean your own floor drain later)

If there's deep fried stuff on the menu then the fryers have to be cleaned out, which includes straining the oil out into enormous and super-heavy pots full of oil so hot that if you spill on yourself then it's probably a hospital visit and if you slip and fall face first into it it'll be the last thing you ever do.

Then you gotta scrub out the fryer. Like you gotta take the (hot) screen out and reach your arm down into the weird rounded pipes and curved areas (so hot, burn you if you brush against them hot) and scrub off whatever is down there

Depending on your kitchen you might have to do up to four of these. Then you'll have to pour the (dangerously hot) oil back in

oh, and if you didn't dry the pipes and get ALL the water out of the trap and tank?

water reacts with hot oil in a sort of mentos and coke way that can send a tidal wave of oil past the open flame of the pilot light ...HUGE dangerous mess and/or burn down the kitchen if the oil lights up.

Unless! If the oil has been used too hard and needs to be changed, it's time to carry those open topped super heavy pots full of will-kill-you-hot oil and dump them in the barrel outside by the dumpsters so you can put room temp fresh oil in the fryers. whew!

The clean up is not just some light wiping down that can be easily interrupted, is what i'm saying.

You might have to do some kind of walk-in duty (moving around 50lb cases of lettuce and 50lb bags of onions to get to the stacks of five gallon buckets full of salad dressings and sauces to move so you can reach the giant metal pots and bus tubs full of prep and get it all organized and make sure it's all labeled and i have to stop now i'm having flashbacks)

THE POINT IS

by 15 or however many minutes to close, the line cook is doing an intense deep clean and probably has the whole stove taken apart to detail.

For some industrial stoves this means lifting off large cast iron plates that weigh like 20 lbs each and are still quite hot. Whatever metal burners are on there, you gotta take off and clean, you can see here the lines that indicate the large thick cast iron rectangles that sit on top of the burners to allow heavy pots to rest on. Those five (each has one front burner hole and one back burner hole, see?) have to be lifted off and cleaned with soap and a wire brush usually, and then the underneath area also has to be cleaned because a lot of shit falls through the burner holes on a busy night.

if you didn't do it when you did the flat top you have to do the grease trap (which can be like a full five minutes and is always disgusting).. You gotta clean out all the little gas jets in each burner with a wire or something so the burners all flame evenly, and sometimes you have to remove some of the natural gas piping that connects the burners to access where you have to clean.

you gotta clean out the bottom of the oven and the wire racks, and, oh gods, you gotta take down the filter vents from the hood fans above the stove.

See all the lined parts along the top of the wall?

those are hood vents, and as they pull air up they also pull a lot of grease and they have to be taken down and cleaned, then you gotta climb up there and scrub where they go before you put them back...

And then there's the mopping and floor drains and...

Anyway, that's what the line cook is doing when you walk in fifteen minutes before closing and order something that needs to be cooked on that stove. They are doing an entire industrial cleaning of a professional kitchen.

In some restaurants maybe one or two of these jobs will be every other night or even only twice a week, but in many, possibly most kitchens, ALL of these things happen EVERY night. You don't want to leave any food mess that might attract insects or rodents for one thing, so a really good kitchen is as close to brand new as you can get it every night.

IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO ORDER SOMETHING ANYWAY, HERE IS WHAT TO DO

open with an apology and ask the server to go ask what the cook would prefer you to order.

Any good server will already know what the cook is hoping for and what will make their line cook go into the walk in and scream. If it's significantly less than an hour to close and they say some variant of "oh anything is fine" they are either telling the lie their boss wants them to say, or they actually do not know what their line cook wants, and you can either use human connection and a conspiratorial just-between-us tone to get them to drop the customer-is-always-right act, or get them to actually go ask the cook.

It might be as specific as "the lasagna is easiest on the kitchen" or it might be a simple guideline like "nothing that requires the flat top" or "any of the sautés are easy" but a good line cook will probably have a system for if they have to make a couple of the most popular items after they start their close, so the answer is likely to include something most people like and you should be good to order that.

but for the love of all that's holy, please only do so at great need. Leave that last 30-60 minutes to the truly desperate and the crew's duties.

#long post #sorry #i just have a lot of DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND feelings left over from all my years in restaurants #restaurants #line cook #service industry

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that-house · 4 months

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Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

#neon-grey-writing #potion vendor faq #my writing #very very very long post lol #click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me #i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023 #that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format

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mommypieck · 9 months

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⌗︙・squirting on geto's face ⸜⸜・

"it's good, isn't it." he chuckles, sending vibrations to your cute. you're spread out on the bed with geto's head in between your thighs. he kisses your clit gently before sucking it in his mouth. you whine, no matter how many times you've done it, he had always made you cum so hard. geto wraps his arms around your thighs, burying himself deeper into your cunt. he smacks his lips, licking around his mouth. in his mind, there's nothing better than being in between your legs and he would die here if he could. his breathing is hard because of how eagerly he eats out out.

"i want to try something today." he says, a smile forming on his lips. he pats him fingers against your opening, smirking at the sound they make.

"i could drown here." he jokes and you snort at his comment, pushing his head between your legs again.

"don't be a brat, sweets and let me do what i want." his smile is contagious and genuine, making you feel warm inside. geto finally pushes one of his fingers inside of you. it's easy for it to go in with you being this wet, so soon another finger joins the first. he rubs gently around your walls and you think about what he might do. he usually prepares you for his cock by fingering you but you know he loves eating you out and fucking you more than making you fall apart on his fingers. his thumb finds your clit, rubbing it in circles. you whine and moan, your body relaxing at his gentle touches.

"here we go, sweetheart." he says and his fingers suddenly change their pace. he hooks his fingers on your sweet spot, rubbing it in rapid pace. your back arches of the bed and slutty moans exit your mouth.

"suguru, slow down." you gasp, tears spilling out of your eyes. he abuses your insides, every thrust of his fingers better than the other. your pussy sounds even wetter than before and you feel embarrassed. the room is filled by the sounds of your pussy and your slutty moans.

"are you gonna cum?" he coos, kissing your lower tummy. you nod your head, unable to say anything. he licks at your clit, his fingers still hammering inside. your legs trash around his head as you cum, juices spraying everywhere. you squirting catches geto of guard as he gets his face covered by your juices. the fountain of your juices stop but you're still shaking and spamming around his fingers. he presses his hand down on your tummy to stop your rapid movements.

"oh my god," he chuckles, wiping the wetness of his face, "are you okay, love?"

"better than ever." you reply, breathing heavily. the whole orgasm drained you off all of your energy.

"let's go wash up, baby. my hair is so wet from your juices."

"im sorry, sugu."

"don't be, you're gonna do it again soon. i want it. "

#jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jujutsu kaisen smut #geto suguru x y/n #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru smut #geto suguru x you

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angelltheninth · 6 months

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I know halloween has passed, but my love of monsters is still present.. may I request an adoring vampire husband taking his innocent little human wife’s virginity? Thank you so much♥️

Any day is monsterfucker day, not just Halloween.

Pairing: Male!Vampire x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, biting, drinking blood, first time, virginity kink, loss of virginity, wedding night, gentle!Vampire, innocent!Reader

Word count: 0.7k

Ao3

A/N: Found a really good way to mix these two into one.

"Will this be panful? I've heard that the first time is often-" Your husband kissed you softly, his sharp fangs and cold hands acting as a reminded of what he truly was. Yes, to others he was a bloodthirsty monster, and you thought so as well when you were given to him as a sacrifice a year back when he first showed up in your town.

But you were not a prisoner to him, you could come and go as you pleased, as long as you came back to him, which you always did. Your friends were worried about you still, not warranted in your opinion, still very sweet of them. Especially after you told them of your wedding to the great vampire Lord.

"If it hurts them as they say then your friend's husbands are poor lovers. If you worry over it that much I can provide you with a small distraction." He smirked up at you, red eyes sparkling just like his fangs, elongating just a little in anticipation. His fangs weren't the only thing anticipating this. For someone so cold his cock was always warm to the touch, you were actually still surprised by it after you stroked it so many times already, and shy.

"But it's so much thicker compared to your fingers, and my own. What if I… what if I'm unable to…" You groaned when he pushed you down to the bed and spread your legs by messaging them upwards, stopping just shy of your wet cunt. "I don't know how to make you feel good like that."

"You're misunderstanding, it's I who will make you feel good. Me? I'm so close just from the thought of being your first, the one to take you for the first and only time. Mine." He pushed his cock over your cunt, feeling the horny juices coating his length. He could just take you, be as rough as he would like, bring you to the edge of being broken and then back again, but that wasn't who he was anymore.

When you arched your back and your nipples pressed against his he flinched, his cock almost slipping in, you could feel the tip there.

"Hold still. I wish to taste the change in you as you become mine." The biting always drove you crazy, your legs always went weak when his fangs pierced your skin. He was able to make you come just from that, a discovery that he took advantage of many times in the past year. "I know how much you enjoy this." His fangs ghosted against your neck, all the way down to the bite mark he always left there.

You could sense he was waiting for you, the final word, "Yes."

It was his fangs that took you first, the familiar piercing pain followed by the ecstasy that was the pleasure of his lips on you, his moans as he sucked, the slurping and finally his cock pushing inside you for the first time ever, hips moving as he sucked, making your head feel fuzzy.

"Holy god." He moaned against your skin, "Apologies my darling, I couldn't contain myself. When I tasted the moment I took you for my own there couldn't help but claim you from the inside as well. Does it feel painful at all?"

"No." You wiped the blood of the corner of his mouth with one hand and placed the other on your lower stomach, "It feels warm, to have you inside me like this." Not only could you feel his cock twitching inside of you, but also his cum dripping down from you, much like the blood dripped from your neck. He groaned as your pussy squeezed around him again. "Isn't it only fair that I drain you as well?"

His laughter made you smile so hard it hurt, "I've not been drained since being turned. But you are more then welcome to. As you say, it's more then fair? There is only one difference, I will also make sure to give you just as much cum back." He was already hard again, he was hardening while he was inside of you, hitting against your front wall as it happened.

Your whole body felt aflame with no pain, only pleasure of being both filled to the brim and drained at the same time.

#monster x reader #monster x human #monster x female reader #monster x girl #vampire x reader #vampire x human #vampire imagine #monster imagine #monster fanfic #monster boyfriend #vampire boyfriend #monster smut #vampire smut #monster blurb

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casiia · 5 months

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warnings .: simon 'GHOST' riley x reader, smut, mdni 18+, female anatomy.

.: part one.

.: masterlist.

when simon finally reveals his face to you, his favorite position would be full nelson!! your back pressed into his chest, while he holds you up by the back of your thighs so his cock can easily slip in and out of you.

if you want to see his face so bad you’ll have to look in the mirror that sits in front of you, and he’s going to force you to watch the way your stomach bulges from his girth.

the way you’re creaming on his cock, clenching around him with shaky thighs. it’s certainly a dirty sight to see, so most of the time you hide your embarrassed face in the crook of his neck.

he’ll whisper mean things in your ear while his hips roughly snap up into you, “i thought you wanted to see me.” “what was all that beggin for?”

it’s the only time you’ll hear him laugh — or something close to it, more of a stoic chuckle. but he teasingly kisses your ear and tells you how pathetic you are, how you can’t even watch as he splits you open on his cock.

you’re squirming in his grasp, needing a break as his balls repeatedly slap your clit. but this makes him angry and his grip tightens so hard you’re sure you’ll have bruises by the next morning.

i like to think that simon’s a clean freak, always tidy and cleans up after himself. all of that goes down the drain when he sees the way your tiny hole leaks for him, the way your juices squelch out as his thrust pick up. he couldn’t care less, he wasn’t thinking about how he would have to clean it up later, all he knew was that he wanted to make you do it again, the wet sound like music to his ears.

he makes sure that you’re not too fucked out that you can’t hear him, he’ll make fun of the way you’re moaning and making a mess — “bunny so loud you gotta let ‘em know who’s fuckin’ you right.” “dirty little cunt so wet f’me.”

#*ೃ༄ sia rambles.#☆ — simon riley #IS IT FULL NELSON #?!?!!#simon riley x reader #simon riley x reader smut #simon riley smut #cod smut #call of duty smut #ghost #ghost x reader smut #ghost smut #ghost x reader

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princessbrunette · 6 months

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kinktober : oct 22nd

simon riley x pillow humping

simon riley was never a man of many words — until pleasure was involved of course, but even then he’d always start off quiet, and the more depraved things became, the more he’d run his mouth.

it had been a lazy and dreamlike morning, the two of you laying in your bed half asleep for way longer than you should have. you were drained, and sore after the night he’d brought upon you — fucking you within an inch of your life, and yet you still wanted more. his large figure took up the bed beside you, laying on his front with his strong arms clutching the delicate pink pillow from your bed beneath his head. you suck on your bottom lip sleepily, swooning at how he could lay there sleeping so casually and tranquil as if he hadn’t held your thighs up by your head and made you squelch around his thickness for hours the night before. a grown man like him, it was no big deal. the thought of him being so nonchalant towards destroying your cunt had you aching, wetness yet again pooling between your legs.

had it always been this easy? were you ovulating or something?

you stare at him in sort of a guilty and doe eyed way as you slide your hand down to the cotton panties he’d slipped on your half awake form for some decency after he’d finished with you, feeling your juices start to warm your folds. you feel around, wincing at how sensitive your clit still was and almost whimpering in pain when you go to explore your sore hole, needing to give it a break.

you huff in a spoiled kind of way at the ceiling, in disbelief at yourself. he’d really dicked you down within an inch of your life, and you’d still craved more merely the morning after? you were sure he’d tsk and ask you the same. or would he? was he the type to continue berating and degrading you with nasty language even in the unforgiving, bright light of morning? or would he go back to his usual simon ways, playing his cards close to his chest?

you look at him again, soundly sleeping. you can’t wake him up, no — he’s probably totally spent, being older than you and such it might not be as easy to just spring his cock back up at the drop of a hat. plus, simon never slept. you knew he needed this. you bite back a cocky and impish grin at the fact your pussy had clearly knocked him the fuck out. your eyes run over his strong arms, and again the pillow beneath it before you’re struck with an idea.

you slowly sit up a little, keeping your eyes on him when the bed makes the slightest sound — not wanting to wake him. you take the warm pillow that was beneath your head, and fold it — doing your best to be quiet in your attempts to straddle it. you think of facing him, so that you can look at him, but you’re too ashamed — face feeling hot as you start to grind your cotton covered cunt over the pillow.

you wince, the sensitivity and wetness easing you along more than you might have expected. you roll your hips, trying to find the right angle and lower yourself onto your belly, cheek buried into the mattress, your feet resting where your pillow once was as you stuff your hands beneath the pillow, working your hips in little circles.

you find the spot, the material folding and rippling in a way against your panties that made the friction drive you wild, and you let out a sleepy but needy whimper. what was once you worried about waking simon and feeling humiliated, was now a lack of care all together, growing louder when you heard your wetness inside your panties, folds audibly parting at your grinding movement.

you oddly didn’t care when you hear simon stir and assumably stretch behind you, only letting out a shy and embarrassed whine when he kindly lays a hand on the back of your thigh, stroking the meat there soothingly.

“mornin’, sweetheart.” his voice is raspier than usual from sleep, and you continue your movements, not wanting to turn your hot cheek around to see him. his rough palm slides up to your ass, giving it a tentative squeeze before his long fingers creep to your underwear, casually but purposefully pulling the crotch of the panties to the side to watch your pussy open and close at your movements, glistening and puffy in the morning light. “fuckin’ell.” he huffs, very quietly.

it’s then you turn your cheek to look back at him shamefully, lips pouted and swollen from all the kissing hours before. he’s got one hand resting behind his head, the other on you. you clench at how good he looks and you’re sure he see’s.

“needy girl, eh? just can’t get enough.” he tsks as imagined, and the tip of his middle finger prods at your entrance. you flinch, with a pained whine and clench all of your lower body, shuddering. “no?” he soothes, stroking your thigh again.

“s’too sore, but just… needed something. feel so needy, dunno what’s wrong with me.” you sound pitiful and he exhales slowly, strong chest collapsing deep before he sits up, eyeing your movements.

“s’alright.” he rasps, gently sliding his two large hands beneath your hips to clutch them, guiding your movements effortlessly now, aiding your grinding motion so that you could do less work. you moan, a loud one — like you were relieved and he nods slowly despite you facing away. “i know.”

he stretches your panties to the side even more until it’s pulled over your ass cheek and stays parted without his help. he then suddenly but gently presses your back down into the bed so that you can no longer move, the pillow beneath you causing you to lay frozen in an arch, presenting to him. “what if i’m gentle.” he’s quiet, and uncharacteristically soft as his pointer and middle finger find your clit from your arched position, rubbing the softest circles he’s capable of. you shudder, letting out a cry but you nod regardless, knowing it was something you needed.

“words, lovie.” he reminds you kindly.

“yes please.” you whisper, spreading your thighs a little more to help him.

“good girl. as much as i’d love to see you cum on your pillow… s’gotta be from me. that’s fair, yeah?” he asks, clear in his tone that he’s genuinely expecting a reply, some reassurance that he’s not being cruel and invasive like he might have been earlier.

you’ve never heard simon use such a kind tone. it was something you’d hope to get used to.

#simon ghost riley smut #simon riley smut #ghost smut #ghost cod smut #ghost call of duty smut #simon riley x reader #call of duty smut #kinktober 2023

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