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#the dating timelines are bs

nialls-gorgeous-colors · 7 months

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Shawn and Niall's public dating history doesn't match the themes and narratives of their songwriting

Mannn… if you actually take the time to look at Shawn’s and Niall’s dating history…. Where are these passionate songs coming from if you buy into the general public narrative 😭 Shawn’s literally supposedly dated 2 people 😭

And it didn’t start until 2017 😭 which albums are typically written A YEAR AT LEAST before they are released. Shawn Mendes Self Titled was released on May 25, 2018. Illuminate was released on April 20, 2017.

And then he’s singing about hoping someone will be by his side and being with someone “who cares if they approve”…. The media and fans were wanting him and C to get together… where are these obstacles of being together 😭

Niall’s dating history is so weird, like, don’t even get me started. It’s so full of PR and short bursts of being with someone?? Women who have even issued statements and denied when asked that they were anything romantic??? Where are all of these passionate songs coming from?? Who is he showing up at their door soaking wet? Where are these obstacles??? Wedding song???

Why is he needing to tell someone there’s “no judgement” (it’s romantic with a “mate and… you know”. No, it’s not about Harry please stop?) when they’re together??? Who is he missing so much he needs a “new angel”?? This Town: Who is he saying “if the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you” about”?? Why wouldn’t anyone he’s been with be accepted???

There’s so much that begs to be said about all of this. Shawn invalidating his whole discography (saying it’s all about Camila???) in his documentary still makes me so incredibly sad. That doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t all line up, nor do the themes match up with his life history with her. Please 😭

Make it make sense. 🤨😭 whomever made him say that had no idea what they were doing. They expected the fans to just blindly accept what came out of his mouth.

I have talked with his fans who believe that he was writing so many songs about her… and to believe it, you have to think that he’s just sitting on the sidelines for years just pining away for her while she’s with other guys??? That doesn’t even match with his songs???

I know I’m going back and forth between the two but there’s so much of Niall’s that don’t make sense either. It starts with Barbara Palvin, who was starting out her modeling career who was connected with Niall in 2013-2014. If you don’t think he stunted, then what’s this?

Amelia Lily (yup another Amelia) 2011-2012. There’s later an article about her DENYING anything went on and that she was actually dating an electrician dude.

He was connected briefly with Ellie Goulding who would greatly benefit from the clout boost in Aug-Sept 2013. Meh. Standard music industry stuff.

Melissa Whitelaw, an Australian student, Feb-June 2015 so says a DM article. There’s papwalks complete with the weird backseat photos. Her looking out the window while Niall is awkwardly trying to cope with what he’s being subjected to, see below.

And there’s Celine Helene Vandycke, yet another student. This time she’s Belgian. They show up at events with his arm around her shoulders. They’re only together about a month or two in 2016. Again, here’s the customary car backseat photo published in DM.

And then there Hailee Steinfeld, in 2017-2018. Niall never confirms it but there’s really awkward (while walking across the street?? Like??? Wtf???) kissing pics that exist. She wears his merch. She shows up to a m&g during his tour. They “breakup” then the narrative is she released a song called “Wrong Direction” but denies it’s about him. (Great PR move, Hailee.)

Then it brings us to Amelia Woolley, pandemic lockdown lady. Met in Apr 2020, UK lockdown started in Mar. Dramatic story how they met in tabloids. Niall tore her away from her electrician boyfriend. They now do papwalks and she shows up at golf and events. Everyone forgets about her.

So….. I repeat…. where’s the kind of longterm love along the ways that’s sparked their work and matches the themes of their songs??? Please let me know if you find it???

And yes I know there’s some typos, the timeline also isn’t exact. But that’s the thing about these “relationships” that are arranged. Dates are messy because no one actually knows them. 😂

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nhescio · 2 months

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Okay I have a visceral need for a hannigram time travel fic but instead of the typical Will or Hannibal fix-it, the person that time travels back is none other than Frederick fucking Chilton. Like imagine Chilton wallowing around all crispy and stuff after being human torched wondering what he’s done to deserve everything he’s been through. And when he’s finally okay enough to be discharged from the hospital to go home, an anvil falls on him or smth. And as he’s lying there incredulously, he’s like, yknow what? Im not even upset about this. I think Ive suffered enough near death experiences. Please just let this one put me out of my misery. And as his eyes finally drift shut, he hears an alarm blaring in his face. An alarm from his phone. His phone which, when he goes to shut it off, displays an impossible sequence of numbers— the plastic screen shinning with a date from four years past.

So after freaking out and confirming that he is indeed in the past, (and weeping in joy over his unmutilated body) Frederick does the obvious— he packs his bags, pays a visit to the bank, and gets on the next available flight out of the country.

And then his plane crashes and he dies.

But of course he doesn’t die because that seems to be a common theme in Frederick Chilton’s life!

So he’s jolting out of bed again to that same alarm and he tries not to tear his own face off (not that he would ever actually do that cause he knows how easily he could lose that precious face). And (after a few more tries) since this time loop bs isn’t letting him run away, he does the next best thing— phoning the FBI with a tip so that they would investigate Hannibal Lecter and put him behind bars for good. But of course Hannibal somehow finds out and discretely shakes the FBI off his trail while simultaneously sending one of his murderer protégés after Frederick. And so not even a month passes by before Frederick finds himself dying and waking to that infuriating alarm again.

And he keeps going through different loops trying to avoid being “murder tableau of the week”, but failing miserably every time. After dying for what feels like an infinite number of times, he’s realized two main consistencies. Number one, he can’t personally expose Hannibal Lecter as the ripper if he doesn’t want to be gutted, and two, the sooner Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter begin their weird courtship, whether from Frederick’s deliberate meddling or from ripples of unrelated actions, somehow he’s left with much less blood and chaos in the aftermath. In one incredible timeline, Frederick even managed to only sustain one life threatening disembowelment for three years before accidentally making a rude comment about Will Graham’s lack of a social life, thereby leading to a cold death in the Atlantic.

After this revelation, he vows to get Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter to bang each other as soon as possible for the sake of his own self preservation— going through elaborate plans like befriending and recruiting the FBI’s forensics team, or snapping Jack Crawford out of his obliviousness so he’d bluntly give them a nudge, or even once flirting with Will Graham himself to get Hannibal Lecter jealous (note: that attempt did NOT end up well).

And one day, after a shocked text from his “Sassy Science Matchmaking Squad” group chat proclaiming that Hannibal and Will, lovingly dubbed Hannigram by the group, had spontaneously quit their jobs and run away to Europe together, Frederick suddenly realizes he hasn’t been stabbed or burned or maimed or drowned or disemboweled once! He thinks back to his early success in this timeline— silently high fiving with Beverly and Jimmy (Zeller, the spoilsport, had refused to partake) while voyeuristically watching Will and Hannibal shyly having their first kiss in the shadows of a filthy crime scene. In fact, he didn’t think anyone in their immediate circle had been stabbed or burned or maimed or drowned or— well you get the point.

And as one year turns to two to four to eight with no word from Hannibal or Will except the occasional postcard, a sort of cautious optimism starts building in Frederick’s heart. The years continue to fly by until one day, Frederick finds that his hair has turned a snowy white, and that his legs are too weak to support his aching body. He tries to take in a breath to laugh but it comes out as a wheeze. He’s at the end of the line once more, but this time at the end of a healthy, fulfilling life. His only wish is that he’s finally allowed to move on. And as he feels his life slowly drifting away from him, Frederick wonders if he’s accomplished whatever divine mission that godforsaken time loop had wanted him to complete. It really feels like he did the best he could this life, preventing every possible death on the East Coast by sending Hannibal and Will packing early. Sure, he feels bad for the poor suckers in Florence or Paris that were probably flambéed for a pretentiously fancy brunch, but realistically, those two would always leave a body count no matter where they went.

All Frederick wants now is to pass in peace. With a heavy sigh, Frederick willingly closes his eyes one last time, content to move on into whatever lies in the beyond.

And he dies. For real this time. Woohoo!

The End

#hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #frederick chilton #crack pseudo-fic??#i dont know what possessed me to write this #i havent slept for 27 hours #nheswrites

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canonicallyobserving911 · 3 months

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Buck & Eddie: 2023 - 2024 Rereleased and Unreleased Photos

A timeline of the photos that were released by JS, JCC & TM since 6B.

After TM (9-1-1 showrunner) recently released two "never before seen pictures" of Buck and Eddie, one as recent as last night, I started thinking about all the photos and videos that have been released of them since the start of 6B and it was quite interesting to see it all once I put them together.

Reminder, Buck and Eddie were barely shown to be work partners let alone friends for 98% of 6A and after 6x13 aired, they were shown to be living separate lives again for the remainder of 6B after Eddie was forced into dating again even though he said he wasn't ready. Aside from the Buckley-Diaz Family scene in 6x1 and the small amount of time they shared at the end of 6x7 and the time they were partnered in 6x13 (my favorite episode which was the finale for me since the last 5 episodes could have been yeeted to the sun); they didn't work side-by-side like they did before Eddie quit the 118 in 5x10. That's why the timing of the rereleased and unreleased photos and video is so jarring.

First, in April 2023, JS released the picture below of Buck and Eddie at the poker game before 6x13 aired and he spent most of that three-week mini hiatus counting down to the day when he was going to reveal it on Twitter or X or whatever it's called this week.

Second, in April 2023, a photo of the clapperboard was released weeks in advance for 6x17 which was an episode JCC directed. It includes a picture of Buck and Eddie at the bottom of it.

Third, also in April 2023, after 6x15 aired, several posts alluded to Twitter users being in an uproar about the introduction of ND and how Buck hurt Eddie’s feelings with that BS line about her seeing him (which everyone but Buck knows was a bunch of BS).

Don't try to debate me on this because Buck’s words hurt Eddie and it doesn't matter if they were intentional or not. He broke Eddie’s heart with that $hit so... I digress because thinking about it still pisses me off (it's been months but I'm still not over the way S6 ended).

Anyway, it was posted on Reddit (linked here) that JCC posted the photo from season 3 below on 9-1-1's TikTok account but the question is why would he release it since he didn't direct 6x15? The OP of the thread explained how he never posts things about episodes he didn't direct so it was interesting to read this information but since I only saw it on Reddit and nowhere else, it's unclear if there was a motive behind it.

Full disclosure: I don't have a Reddit or TikTok account, so I don't know if this post was legit but the date on it is April 25, 2023.

Fourth, in May 2023, right before 6x18 aired, TM decided to release a video of Buck and Eddie from season 2 but why did he do that? Especially right before that BS episode that had Eddie acting like he was in high school again and giggling over some chick he witnessed almost kiss her brother in the mouth in 6x5 and Buck settling once again for a woman who only wanted to use him for his "Firehose" and nothing else like AC, AM and TK did?

What exactly was the point? Was he trying to tell viewers something or was he just piddling around on FB like he did last year when he responded to a viewer with a long post about the storytelling decisions he greenlit for LS?

Reminder, TM was working on LS for the past two seasons while he left OG in the hands of KR who literally destroyed all of Buck’s character development and growth by regressing him with TK, LD and now ND. Seasons 5 and 6 went into a tailspin of Buck not growing or learning from his mistakes and the responsibility for that lies solely at the showrunner's feet and who was in charge? It was KR.

The way Buck's gazillion storylines ended was not long form storytelling especially since he was constantly being regressed. He said he didn't want to make the same mistakes but he kept making them and instead of letting him go back to therapy (which he clearly needs) she let him flounder and read self-help books and donate his sperm to that loser Connor (reminder Connor wanted to run out on his pregnant wife because the baby wasn't biologically his but I still believe the baby is his and not Buck's). She wouldn't let him talk to the team like he used to do so they could offer him some good advice about the important life decisions he was trying to make but in Season 5 she had no problem letting Buck tell the 118 about his dumpster fire of a relationship with TK.

Fifth, in January 2024, TM was at it again with posts on Facebook (I don't use FB) but this time he posted two unreleased photos of Buck and Eddie. Apparently, he released the one below a few days ago but it was discovered by a blogger who posted it on 911blr. Based on Eddie's appearance, it looks like it may have been from season 5, possibly sometime around 5x16 "May Day" but who knows.

Sixth, last night, the photo below was released by TM and it's never been seen before either. Based on Eddie’s appearance, this picture looks NEW like it might be from Season 7 but who knows with all the unreleased promos and pics from previous seasons that started circulating in S6.

In the photos above, Buck and Eddie are shown in every season except for the most important one... Season 4. The shooting is missing and so is the will reveal. (I don't count the picture on the clapperboard because it appears to be one JCC added to it for whatever reason and it wasn't an official photo or video like the others.)

So, are they still using the shooting and the will as the catalyst for them becoming a CANON couple? Only they know what they're doing but whatever it is the question has become why are they doing all these cryptic Buck and Eddie posts and releasing photos of just the two of them? What are they trying to say, if anything?

Hopefully it's not so they can do a repeat of the things they did at the end of seasons 4 and 6 and delay them getting together yet again.

If they're going to finally let them be together then it's time to stop with the delay tactics and get rid of all those one-dimensional LIs. Leave N and M in season 6 where they first appeared and should have remained.

If they aren't planning to make Buck and Eddie CANON then they should let them stay single. It's been 6 years; how long do they realistically believe viewers who actually care about them as characters are going to keep waiting? In the past, actors and actresses have left shows around the fifth, sixth and seventh seasons so hopefully that won't happen on 9-1-1 but nobody has time to wait around for 15 seasons for Buck and Eddie to get together.

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thegeminisage · 1 year

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So You Want To Get Into The Legend of Zelda But Don't Know Where To Start: A Masterpost

this discussion came up in my zelda stream the other week so i thought since i'm a longtime fan and Extremely Normal i'd make a guide to people who are just now getting into the series because of breath of the wild/tears of the kingdom. there's a lot of games and it can be confusing on how they're connected, where to start, etc. this is going to be an EXTREMELY LONG guide, sorry - if you want a short version you can check out this post i wrote a long time ago.

The Timeline

so the good news is that the zelda games were published non-linearly, meaning that the game that takes place first chronologically was not necessarily the first one ever made. they didn't even HAVE a timeline until like 2011 or so. for that reason, with a few exceptions*, you can jump in pretty much wherever you like. most zelda games (or pairs of games*) are spaced hundreds or sometimes even thousands of years apart, featuring different links and zeldas and other characters, which means you don't need to know anything about zelda to start with any game. the series is deliberately made so that each title works perfectly well as a stand-alone game.

*the exception is that a very few games have direct sequels - for example, majora's mask takes places just a few years after ocarina of time, phantom hourglass takes place after wind waker, etc. luckily even with these games, you can still jump in without having played their other half and have a good time without getting lost.

The Introduction

that said, the zelda series is extremely eclectic. while they all have the undercurrent of "zeldaness" that makes them special they can be as different as night and day. 2D or 3D, happy or edgy, mainline or spinoff, story-heavy or story-light...which game is best for you to start with will depend heavily on your own personal tastes.

the short version: if you haven't yet, i recommend most people new to zelda start with either ocarina of time or breath of the wild. these games, released almost 20 years apart, were both completely revolutionary and redefined their genres (or, in oot's case, the entire industry). they usually have something to offer everyone and they're both games with standout tutorial sections that teach new players the lay of the land with ease. there's a reason most people start with one of these two - which one you prefer depends on whether you can enjoy an older game or would prefer something newer. for brand-new gamers, i might also recommend skyward sword because of how much the game holds your hand - it's frustrating for more experienced players, but for those just getting started in gaming in general it might actually work out well.

the long version: OBVIOUSLY i'm going to do a game-by-game write-up. sue me. if you're looking for information on a particular title, ctrl+f it. otherwise, settle in. time for a cut!

The Games

how to read this guide:

which games: most of them. this guide is long enough as it is, so i'm not doing a whole ass writeup for REALLY niche spin-offs like the tingle games, the crossbow training game, the bs releases, or the much-loathed cdi games, even if i think the crossbow game ruled. i will do hyrule warriors and cadence of hyrule because they're properly fleshed out games. ports and remakes are gonna get grouped together with the originals to save time and space. if there's something missing from this list you want to know about, the wikipedia article with the complete list of zelda media is right here and it's a genuinely fascinating read. have fun!!

release date: self-explanatory. using japanese release dates for overall accuracy, and the games are in order of release date as well, but you DO NOT need to play them in that order - that would be madness

console: original console, other consoles it's available on (not including the weird experimental stuff like satellaview, c'mon), and whether or not it is available for switch. why? the switch is the latest console, how many new fans got into zelda, and because of nso, it will be the easiest access point for people who can't or don't want to buy new consoles/emulate on pc. nso stands for "nintendo switch online," which is a the online membership you can purchase from nintendo. the basic plan allows, among other things, emulation nes, snes, and gameboy titles. the expansion pack tier adds emulation of n64, sega genesis, and gameboy advance titles. i think nso is a good service with great value if you can afford it - read about it here. virtual console is just buying the game, usually for a low price, and downloading it digitally to play on newer consoles, but most of those services have been shut down now. there's also backwards compatibility - the wii u can play wii games, the wii can play gcn games, the original ds (and ds lite) can play gameboy advance games, and the gameboy advance (and gameboy sp) can play gameboy and gameboy color games. the snes can also play gameboy and gameboy color games with the super gameboy, and the gcn can play gameboy, gameboy color, and gameboy advanced games with the gameboy player.

average playtime: this comes from howlongtobeat.com - if it seems off, take it up with them

mainline game: this just means whether or not this game was a "big entry" into the series - typically, mainline games are devloped by nintendo directly (though nintendo develops side-games too), and they have a higher budget and a longer dev time, but this doesn't necessarily mean they're better - some mainline games are received more poorly than the ones that aren't mainline. also sometimes people argue about which games count as mainline games so take it with a grain of salt

sequel: whether or not a game is directly tied to another game in the series - again, even if they are tied to another game, you don't HAVE to play that other game first

story-heavy: how many cutscenes/cinematics/character stuff is going on

edge level: how much grimdark and serious stuff is present and how "on-screen" it is. zelda games are infamous for a careful balance of cheerful and dark stuff in all games, but some games are more forthright about the darker elements than others. i prefer those, but you may prefer it the other way!

the premise/the good/the bad/the verdict: the actual write-up. unfortunately not even i have played/finished every zelda game (someday...), so for the games i can't speak on personally, i will make a note on it so you can seek a second opinion.

now let's get started!

The Legend of Zelda (1986)

original console: nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gcn & gba (ports), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 8-10 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: no - in fact, for games in this era, reading the instruction manual is a must if you want story content; because the file size had to stay small, story content that couldn't fit was often added to manual instead

edge level: low

the premise: explore hyrule to find and put together eight fragments of the triforce so you can rescue princess zelda from ganon, prince of darkness.

the good: a solid introduction to the series, you can waste HOURS exploring this game, which is kind of a miracle considering the whole thing is only 128kb. (if you enjoy emulation, any computer will be able to play this. like doom, it could probably run on a microwave.) it's charming enough for when it was made and the music is all catchy as hell, even though it contains only a dozen or so tracks. this game is pretty light on puzzles, but most of the fun comes from the exploration - in fact, it was this game that the dev team for botw drew inspiration from when they were trying to figure out how to "reinvent" the zelda series - what they actually did was take it back to its roots.

the bad: well, it's that you can waste HOURS exploring in this game. back when it was released, the intent was to get players talking to one another - you would get one piece of the map explored and fine one secret, your friend would find and explore a different piece and find other secrets, and you'd trade! many people even had their own hand-drawn maps put together one screen at a time. since it really isn't possible to play this way today unless you get a bunch of friends together to do it blind, you almost certainly need a map or guide for this game when you're doing it on your own, otherwise you're never going to get anywhere, because there aren't usually indications that certain walls are bombable or bushes burnable.

the verdict: if you're a veteran who liked alttp (particularly the combat), if you have a high tolerance for aged games, or if you wanna see what this series looked like during its humble beginnings, you will like this game. if you're looking for a more guided experience or something with a lot of cinematics or puzzle-solving, pass. don't forget to read the manual!

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987)

original console: nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gcn & gba (ports), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 11 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: yes, to the original legend of zelda

story-heavy: no - ditto for story being in the manual, like with the original loz

edge level: low

the premise: dive into six ancient palaces to place crystals there to wake princess zelda from an era long gone, who has been sleeping for hundreds of years. avoid being caught by ganon's minions, who want to use link's blood to revive their master ganon.

the good: because this game began life as an independent title which eventually got zelda-fied, it's quite different from most games in the series. it has side-scrolling combat and rpg elements. the soundtrack is very catchy, and this game also introduces dark link, an extremely cool popular doppelganger of our beloved hero. the map is HUGE in comparison to the original so there's tons more to explore here.

the bad: this game is HARD. not, "challenging," like, "bordering on impossible." i've never beaten it. i got just a couple of dungeons in and i was so miserable i had to give it up. even playing the "special edition" on nso (which is with all the unlockable upgrades to make it easier), it's a fucking slog. that's it! that's the only flaw.

the verdict: even with all its good qualities, even with how fresh it feels, it's so damn frustrating that only gluttons for punishment and very unique souls will truly find joy here. if you do decide to brave it, remember to read the instruction manual.

A Link to the Past (1991)

original console: super nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gba (port), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 15-17 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: medium. this was the first game to actually HAVE a proper story with named characters and extended dialogue. it wouldn't be considered story-heavy by today's standards, though.

edge level: medium, but like, on the high end of medium

the premise: one stormy night, link and his uncle receive a telepathic message from zelda begging for aid. link's uncle goes out into danger and doesn't return, so it's up to lik to go rescue her in his stead. from there you'll have to explore hyrule to locate the master sword, and explore the mysterious golden land behind the seal of the seven wise men to locate their missing descendants.

the good: alttp set the blueprint for the rest of the series - we finally have our first dungeon-crawler with proper puzzles, real dialogue from zelda, named bad guys, a huge array of funky items, and jammin' tunes still used in the games today (hyrule castle anyone?). plus, link has pink hair! the opening to this game is utterly iconic in every way, and traverse through not one but TWO world maps that overlay one another makes exploration even more exciting.

the bad: truly, no complaints here. it does require some patience. it's a little aged, and it's always possible to get lost without a guide, but so is it true for every game with a big overworld like zelda's.

the verdict: again, this game isn't story-heavy by today's standards, but back then it was more story than we'd ever gotten from a zelda game. as long as you don't go in expecting it to have an rpg kind of story, you'll probably enjoy it. if you don't like 2D zelda combat or need shiny graphics to keep your attention, give it a pass.

Link's Awakening (1993, 2019)

original console: gameboy/gameboy color, and a switch-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes - you can play the original with nso (basic) or the switch-exclusive remake

also available on: snes (super gameboy), gcn (gameboy player), gba, original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds (virtual console), switch (remake), pc (emulation of any version)

average playtime: 14-19 hours for the original, 14-21 hours for the remake

mainline game: yes for the original, no for the remake, technically

sequel: technically a sequel to a link to the past, but they truly have nothing to do with each other

story-heavy: medium - similar story style to a link to the past. smaller cast and less overall dialogue, but more character work on marin specifically

edge level: usually pretty low, but in the rare moments when it jumps out it REALLY jumps out

the premise: while sailing, link becomes shipwrecked, washes up on shore of a remote place called koholint island, and is rescued by a girl named marin. with his boat in pieces, he has to go on a bittersweet adventure exploring the island and getting to know his rescuer in order to wake a mysterious being known as the windfish so he can go home.

the good: a tiny yet vast map, foreboding dungeons (hello, face shrine), a strange and quirky world that's impossible not to love with a small but charming cast to match (though, of course, the real stand-out character is marin), fun minigames, and a soundtrack that only got better in the remake. this game has it all! the story will surprise you by leaving you weeping at the end. there's not a huge difference to the gameplay between the original and the remake - it's mostly a graphical update, though they did add some side content.

the bad: it's one of those games that's different from the rest of the zelda series, which means it's not for everyone - there's no zelda, no ganondorf, no hyrule. also, getting the best ending is absolutely painstaking.

the verdict: what a wonderful game! the story is sparse but rewarding. if you don't like 2D zeldas, story-light games, or don't want to cry through the credits, you can give it a pass - but everyone else should love it.

Ocarina of Time (1998, 2011)

original console: nintendo 64, and a 3ds-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: gcn (port), wii, wii u (virtual console), 3ds (remake), pc (fan-port or emulation of either version)

average playtime: 25-40 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: yes, medium-high. it wouldn't impress by today's standards but back then it WAS the standard

edge level: medium-high. it's horrifying in some respects, but overall very wistful and bittersweet

the premise: link, the local outcast, is ousted from his idyllic home after tragedy strikes in the form of ganondorf murdering his forest's guardian spirit. from there you'll explore hyrule to open an ancient doorway, and go on a time-traveling adventure in a last-ditch attempt to prevent a terrible future and heal a broken world that didn't always want you.

the good: what can i possibly say about ocarina of time that hasn't already been said? critically acclaimed as the best game of all time when it was made and still 25 years later (with only breath of the wild threatening to unseat it), this game is everything. this is the game that taught me to love stories, to love gaming, to love zelda. the world is full of secrets and places to explore, there's a kind of dual-overworld thing happening the way there was in alttp, there's a lot of collectibles and sidequests and TONS of minigames, there's a huge cast of characters with real depth, you can RIDE A HORSE, and the quite literal coming-of-age story has actual plot twists that affect the gameplay. this game defined the official timeline for zelda (massive spoilers at the link), it defined the series itself, it defined the genre and even the industry - games everywhere are still using concepts introduced (or made popular) here, like targeting enemies, context-sensitive buttons, dynamic soundtracks, and day-night cycles.

the bad: one of the dungeons is a shitty goddamn motherfucking royal pain in the ass. you know what i'm talking about. unless you don't, in which case i'm sorry. maybe it's less horrible in master mode, i don't know. also, like, it's not that the game has aged poorly, it's still a solid adventure, but it HAS aged. since basically every game you've ever played has emulated oot with stuff like lock-on targeting, these features won't feel as revolutionary and special to a new player today as they did to new players in 1998. that's not bad, but it has caused some people to get excited to look into the hype, pop the game in, and then go "wait, i don't get it."

the verdict: unless you absolutely cannot deal with playing a 25yo game, pick this up - for the historical value, if nothing else. i cannot more highly recommend any game that ever existed than i do this one. that said, for people who are new to GAMES IN GENERAL, it may not feel as intuitive as it did to new players in 1998, because speak a slightly different language now. new gamers should definitely still play this, but they should either use a guide or consider not making it their very first game. more experienced gamers should still be fine making this their first zelda game.

bonus verdict: as for which console to play it on - the 3ds version has a lot of quality of life adjustments, including gyroscopic controls and a master mode (gcn version also has master mode), and the graphical improvement is absolutely astounding...but it's on a teeny-tiny little screen. i think the best way to play ocarina of time, if you're able to, is to emulate the 3ds version with the fanmade 4k upgrade. of course, this requires a good pc, emulation skills, and a properly connected controller (i haven't done it yet myself) - so don't feel bad playing anyway you can access it.

Majora's Mask (2000, 2015)

original console: nintendo 64, and a 3ds-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: gcn (port), wii, wii u (virtual console), 3ds (remake), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 20-38 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: yes, it's a direct sequel to oot. the opening may be a little confusing if you haven't played it but otherwise you're fine

story-heavy: yes, VERY. the character-work alone is unparalleled even by modern standards

edge level: EXTREMELY HIGH. this is without a doubt the darkest and most haunting game in the series

the premise: link, trying to escape his problems back home, gets thrown into an unfamiliar world where the moon is going to fall and destroy everything in only three days. with the help of multiple forms (link can shift into a deku, goron, or zora), and time travel, link relives the same three days over and over again, exploring clock town and the lands around it, and getting to know its people, so he can find a way to help everyone and prevent the oncoming apocalypse.

the good: holy cast of characters, batman! as with every zelda game, there is exploration and dungeon-crawling, and these are phenomenal here - of particular note is how the use of 4 different forms plays into puzzle-solving - but the real meat of this game comes from its incredible cast. near the beginning of the game you are given a journal, in which to note the schedules and habits of each and every resident of termina as you learn them. you play the same three days over and over, so while the clock is always ticking, there's an infinite time to get to know them. each character reacts to the upcoming armageddon differently: some are resigned, some are frightened, some are brave, and some are in denial. (notably, one minor character who appears brave crumbles in the final hours, begging not to die.) who these people are and the sorrows they carry around with them to the end of the world define this game and make it like no other.

the bad: look, it's a game about an upcoming apocalypse. you're on the sinking titanic and the clock counts down every precious second and no matter what you do there will ALWAYS be that time limit, which not everyone likes. it's stressful, and it can be sad and tragic, even upsetting at times, which is kind of a requirement for the powerful catharsis it also offers. it's very different to the usual zeldas - no zelda or ganondorf or hyrule - which also isn't everyone's bag. it's also a huge timesink - you really miss a lot of the point if you don't 100% it or at least get all of the masks, which takes a long time and a guide (although it is fun as hell the whole time).

the verdict: some people really hate the time limit and find it imposing. i mostly don't have a problem with it - sometimes i have to race to finish a task before i run out of time so i HAVE time to travel back before i get blown to bits, but without this mechanic, the game wouldn't work at all. famously, this game was made in only one year (hence the reused assets), so the pressure the devs felt really came out in their work. i think it's a fucking masterpiece, but it is a game about death, among other things, so if you need a feel-good title this one probably isn't your stop. that said, the incredibly powerful cast makes this game timeless - if not for the graphics you'd hardly know it's aged at all. even newer gamers should enjoy this one, but use a guide! for a game this complex it's more important to find everything than it is to do it blind.

bonus verdict: while the graphical improvements on the 3ds are wonderful, and the added fishing minigame is great, i mostly preferred the controls of the original. new players may not notice the difference, though!

Oracles of Ages & Oracle of Seasons (2001)

original console: gameboy color

available on switch: not at the time of writing, but nintendo has confirmed it is coming to nso (basic)

also available on: snes (super gameboy), gcn (gameboy player), gba, original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 16-25 for oracle of ages, 15-21 for oracle of seasons, leading to about 31-46 hours total

mainline game: no

sequel: not linked to any other games in the series, but they're technically both sequels to each othjer - more below

story-heavy: no, about medium-low

edge level: low

the premise: link hears the triforce calling out to him, and when he investigates, is thrown into one of two words, depending on which game you're playing. these two games stand alone, but they can also be linked via a code so that your playthrough on one can be transferred over to the other (like golden sun, if you've ever played those games). you can choose which game to play first. at the end of your playthrough, you can get a code, which can then be entered on the other game - complete both and you get a secret special grand finale. somewhat like pokemon games, the games complement each other in their differences, thoguh the differences here are much more drastic - they have different overworlds and dungeons, a slightly different set of items, and a different way of interacting with the world (by either traveling through the ages or by changing the season). oracle of ages is focused on puzzle-solving, while oracle of seasons is focused on combat and action.

the good: what a dense and detailed little adventure these games are! with a double of everything from items sets to overworlds, there's a ton to do. the worlds have a ton of variety and can feel endless at times. and since they were built on (i think) the link's awakening engine, gameplaywise it's kind of like getting to play a really good sequel to that game for the first time...twice. the lore is fun, the lands are fun, there's a couple of unforgettable tracks i still listen to. since you can play the games in either order, there's a good bit of REplayability involved, because hardcore fans will want to experience it both ways - leading to two playthroughs of each game, meaning four total playthroughs, for up to a whopping total of 92 hours of gameplay. talk about bang for your buck!

the bad: the codes are a real pain in the ass to work with, and you really can't get by without them. not only is it essential for moving your file from one game to the other, but you can also use them to get special items from one file to another. it's SO EASY to enter these codes in wrong and SO TEDIOUS to have to check them character by character. here's hoping the nso version has a better way (though i'm not holding my breath).

the verdict: an absolute must for any 2d zelda fan. first-time players, i HIGHLY recommending playing ages first. there's an important side-character in ages whose story gets resolved in seasons, but not if you play seasons first. of course, if you really like the games a lot, you can always start over and play them in the other order for different cutscenes.

Wind Waker (2002)

original console: gamecube

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (hd port), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 25-60 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, this is one POSSIBLE sequel to ocarina of time (which splintered the timeline, leading to multiple possible branching paths), though it takes place hundreds of years later. it has the same ganondorf from that game, but you should understand everything just fine whether you've played oot or not.

story-heavy: yes

edge level: medium-low - there are some more serious moments, and this is technically a post-apocalypse story, but overall this is one of the more bright and joyful games

the premise: this is a hyrule that was flooded by the gods when the hero of an ancient era could not show up to defeat ganondorf. people live on former mountaintops, now islands, interconnected by only the sea, and sailing is very dangerous. when link's younger sister is kidnapped, he has to leave his little island and go on a sea-faring adventure with pirates in order to get her back and unlock the mysteries of the hyrule beneath the waves.

the good: the game is vibrant, colorful, beautiful, and full of life. even if you don't like the cartoony art style (and i have mixed feelings), you can't deny the ambiance. there's a new combat system where for the first time you can pick up the dropped weapons of enemies, and the cast is stand-out - the "zelda" of this game is more hands-on than in any other title, and ganondorf is at his most sympathetic here, not to mention all the minor characters and their various sidequests. the characters are truly some of the funniest and most endearing yet - this game will make you laugh out loud. the enemies and bosses are unique and fun to grapple with (special shoutout to helmaroc king) and there's no shortage of stuff to do.

the bad: firstly, we have to mention the art style, which has been a little divisive over the years. it won't be for everybody. i like it for the most part, because you couldn't get the same vibe without it, but i do wish it was just a little less stylized - just a little! secondly, the game is just not finished. the development was rushed, leading to the cutting of an entire dungeon and a poorly-implemented second half where the focus shifts from exploration and dungeons to a near-ENDLESS fetch-quest for triforce pieces which involves a LOT of incredibly tedious and time-consuming sailing. (as kids, some trips were so long we could just set the direction and leave the controller on the floor while we took a bathroom break.)

the verdict: overall, the flaws aren't enough to ruin what is a truly great adventure. fans of the more serious games (hi! me!) may find themselves wishing wind waker had leaned into its post-apocalyptic setting and mysterious drowned world aspect more, and fans of lighter zeldas will find themselves wishing the damn thing was finished, but overall, everyone should find it's worth at least one playthrough, unless you absolutely cannot tolerate the visuals. fans of lighter zeldas, combat, and pirates will all love this one.

Four Swords (2002)

original console: gameboy advance

available on switch: no :(

also available on: 3ds (single-player remake), potentially pc (idk if emulation of the original is possible considering the connectivity, but you could almost certainly emulate the remake)

average playtime: 3-17 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: technically, it's a sequel to minish cap, but minish cap hadn't been made yet, so whatever

story-heavy: not at all

edge level: non-existent

the premise: link pulls the ancient "four sword" in order to defeat bad guy vaati and becomes split into 4 selves. this game was the first multiplayer zelda, and you had to have three friends, all with their own gameboys and link cables, to even play this bad boy. from what i understand in most of the game you just compete to see who can get the most rupees? a single-player version was released on the 3ds a few years later but i don't know if you can still buy it legit or if the 3ds store was shut down. since it was so inaccessible, pretty much no one played this, including me, so i can't give it a proper writeup. probably nobody reading this will ever get a chance to experience four swords how it was originally meant to be played either, but you can find this game's spirit in similar titles like four swords adventures or minish cap, which are much more accessible.

Four Swords Adventures (2004)

original console: gamecube

available on switch: no :(

also available on: uh yeah that's it. just the gamecube. you may be able to emulate it on pc though - i've never tried

average playtime: 15 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: teeechnically a sequel to the original four swords, but nobody played that, it's fine

story-heavy: not at all

edge level: very low

the premise: a sequel to four swords, this was intended to be the sleeker and (somewhat...) more accessible version. you can play this one as a single player, but my brother and i did it on co-op with a link cable and a gameboy sp - just the two of us, and no need to find two other friends - we each controlled two links each, to simplify it.

the good: the game is FUNNN as hell. the graphics are sleek as fuck because it's a 2d game running on a system capable of rendering 3d ones (just look at those flame effects!), the gameplay is addictive, and co-op puzzles are a blast. nintendo has always come out strong when it comes to in-person multiplayer (even if they have yet to catch up with online multiplayer...) and this is no exception. for anyone who ever wished they could sit on the floor and play zelda with their siblings the same way they played mario kart or smash bros, this game is a dream come true.

the bad: this game is still so GODDAMN inaccessible. we were lucky enough to have the gameboys and link cables we needed, but i don't have any idea how you'd go about playing it with other people now without some extremely tedious emulation or buying some extremely old (and expensive) gaming equipment. sure, emulating the single-player version on gcn is no big, but the game really shines in its multiplayer aspect, which is all but impossible for most people to enjoy now. it's incredibly frustrating.

the verdict: if you're lucky or rich enough to own a gamecube, a gameboy, and a link cable (multiple gameboys and link cables?) in 2023, AND you have a friend or three to play it with, please pick this one up. unless you just hate 2d zeldas, it is a FUCKING blast, and zelda fans the world over are probably envious they can't experience it for themselves.

Minish Cap (2004)

original console: gameboy advance

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds, wii u (virtual console)

average playtime: 15-27 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: no, but it is a prequel to the four sword series (made well after those games were released)

story-heavy: medium-light - about the level of most 2d zelda games

edge level: very low - this is such a bright and cheerful adventure

the premise: in an adventure meant to explain vaati of four sword fame's origins, you meet teeny-tiny people known as the minish, who live in teeny-tiny spaces all over hyrule. they mend shoes, use pots and old boots as houses, fight dust mites, and leave surprise gifts such as rupees and hearts beneath pots and the like to help adventurers. by shrinking and growing you explore various nooks and crannies and solve a ton of puzzles, and through fusing items called kinstones with strangers you can change or uncover more of the overworld and unlock even more secrets

the good: the game is beautiful, bright, and fun. the soundtrack is catchy, the gameplay is addictive, the puzzles are very fresh, and the kinstone fusion feature means you'll be doing a lot of backtracking and replaying to see all this game has to offer.

the bad: besides zelda, i didn't find myself terribly enthralled with most of the cast. the reused sound effects from other games can be nostalgic sometimes but sometimes they feel a bit cheap, since they had to be downsized; they're the audio equivalent of a pixelated jpg. and as great as the soundtrack is, it suffered from the same thing.

the verdict: my nitpicks with this game are minor - i think it's a wonderful and fresh entry into the series, and probably one of if not the best 2D zelda. if you like 2D zelda at all, you'll want to pick it up.

Twilight Princess (2006)

original console: gamecube AND wii (i know)

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (hd port), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 30-56 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, this is another possible sequel to oot, taking place 100 years later, and involving oot's ganondorf. (it has nothing to do with the timeline wind waker is on.)

story-heavy: yes, very - the cutscenes look great, the mocap for this game is wonderful

edge level: very high

the premise: 100 years after ocarina of time, darkness falls across hyrule in the form of "twilight," desolating every part of hyrule that it touches by turning its denizens into ghosts, and forcing princess zelda to surrender to zant, the king of the twilight realm. when link's village is destroyed by this twilight and he is turned into a wolf, he leaves to save zelda, save hyrule, and save his home. this game was meant to be a gcn title originally, but development was delayed for so long that they began co-developing it for the wii and released it as a launch title for that console.

the good: where do i start? this game was intended to be a return to oot's more realistic artstyle after many years of the wind waker art style in spin-off games, and was in fact a spiritual remake of oot in many ways. it is similar graphically, tonally, and gameplay wise - it's the oot they wanted to make in 1998, only with a more powerful engine, and fans loved it - check out this video of its announcement at e3 - it still gives me chills. famously, this game introduced horseback combat, which the devs had really wanted to implement in oot and were forced to give up on due to hardware limitations. the cast and the puzzles are all great on this one, and the world is huge and full of surprises, but of particular note is your partner midna, who comes with a better story and more personality than any partner before or since (sorry, king of red lions). lesbians and their associates will LOVE whatever the hell she has going on with zelda in this game. twilight princess also has the most fleshed-out swordplay of any zelda game - the various techniques you learn from the ghost swordsman are fun as hell, and every single boss battle in this game absolutely fucks.

the bad: despite its high moments, the story in this game is just a little weirdly paced. ganondorf was brought in kind of suddenly, and link's childhood friend from his village, whom the story focuses on a lot, is maybe not the most compelling character (sorry to ilia fans - she's okay, just not my favorite). not everybody liked this game's emulation of oot, and some people felt it was uninspired. personally, my gripes are mostly about the dual-console release; having played both versions multiple times, i think they both suffered from being co-developed. because the wii version uses motion controls and most people are right-handed they switched to a right-handed link for the wii (BLASPHEMY), meaning they actually flipped the entire world horizontally, and there are times when the laziness of this action is very apparent when playing the wii version. while the controls are superior on the wii (there's a mandatory shooting minigame that's all but impossible on gcn connected to a crt tv), the graphics just...look a little aged for a wii game, whereas they look damn good for a gamecube game. the hd remake fixes this, but since it's only on the wii u, fucking nobody has played it, and it remains inaccessible to most players except through emulation.

the verdict: if you can get your hands on this, do it. despite its flaws it's a classic meat-and-potatoes zelda adventure. fans of combat and more serious stories will especially love this one. personally, i preferred the gcn version because of left-handed link, but i do think the motion aiming on the wii (and wii u?) was a great addition, so it's a matter of preference as far as if you want the hd graphics and what controller feels correct in your hands.

Phantom Hourglass (2007)

original console: nintendo ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 17-31 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: a direct sequel to wind waker - not sure if you need to have played that to understand; from what i can tell there are actually a few plotholes

story-heavy: medium, i think?

edge level: low, as far as i know

the premise: after tetra gets sucked into a ghost shiop ad vanishes, link has to set sail on a new ship to find a way to free her. that's all i really know because, okay, up-front, i did not finish it. i did not give it a fair shake. it's got great reviews and they can't all be wrong, but i found controlling link with a stylus (the ds had no control stick) frustrating, the game hard to see (the graphics are trying to emulate ww's style on less capable hardware), and the story uncompelling (tetra? a damsel??). i know a lot of people really love linebeck and i wanna love him too one day, but until then, get your answers from the people who love this game!

Spirit Tracks (2009)

original console: nintendo ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 20-33 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: to wind waker and phantom hourglass, technically, though it takes place 100 years after those games

story-heavy: medium, i think?

edge level: low, as far as i know

the premise: 100 years after wind waker and phantom hourglass, a new hyrule has been founded above the waves and it has TRAINS. for some reason zelda gets zapped out of her body and can now follow you around as a cool ghost who possesses bigass statues to help you out. that's right, your partner for this game IS ZELDA. the main theme for this game is so catchy it's a crime. i never played this since i didn't finish phantom hourglass, but it looks so fucking cool that i wanna power through phantom hourglass despite my initial reservations just so i can take a crack at it.

Skyward Sword (2011)

original console: wii

available on switch: yes, as an hd port

also available on: wii u (virtual console & backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 30-58

mainline game: yes

sequel: no - in fact, it's the prequel to every zelda, being that it's the very first one in the timeline

story-heavy: yes, very

edge level: mostly low, but it does have its serious moments

the premise: taking place at the very start of zelda's long and complex timeline, this game seeks to explain the origins of hyrule's creation and and some of its mythology. link and the other proto-hylians live in islands high above the clouds and attend the school for flying around on bigass birds, not knowing if there even is a world below, until one day zelda (not a princess but the headmaster's daughter) gets dragged down by a dark force, and link must venture into the land below to save her.

the good: skyward sword is oozing ambiance. a standout area of this game is lanayru desert, in which you can use a timeshift stone to shift the area directly around you back in time by 1000 years or so and watch it come to life with greenery. this soundtrack is fully orchestrated, we get to hear zelda sing (her first voice acting debut!), and when the motion controls are on, they're REALLY on. sometimes the swordfights feel like actual duels. the cast of side-characters all get a lot of development (shoutout to my man groose!), and the villains are creepy and quirky. the dungeons in skyward sword are especially good - the cistern in particular is one of the best in the game, but we can't forget the ghost ship or the sky temple either. minor spoilers for the story, here, but finding out WHY there are so many zelda games and the struggle against evil never ends (it's a literal curse) was really cool and really reframed how a lot of people saw the series and the characters - it's a lot more tragic that they have a fate they can't escape from so long as zelda fans want more games.

the bad: minor spoilers for the story here too. as far as prequels go it did not make a lot of sense. there's nothing about the three goddesses we've come to know and love, only about the minor goddess hylia, and the ancient hyrule features species that don't ever make another appearance mole guys and seahorse dudes. there aren't any zoras or gerudo or koroks/kokiri, there's only one goron, we only see two sheikah...it feels so far removed from the hyrule we know that it doesn't feel like a prequel at all. additionally, when the motion controls aren't good, they're REALLY bad - especially on the switch version, which has less precise controls than the wii. finally, while i personally didn't mind it (puzzles!), a lot of people disliked how linear the overworld was and complained there was no exploration. another common frustration, one which i share, is how much the game holds your hand. (this famously inspired toriel in the game undertale to LITERALLY hold your hand and do the puzzle for you.) this game will present a puzzle and then have the nearest npc (most often fi, poor fi, she undeservedly gets all the blame for this) explain how to do it before giving you even one chance to try for yourself.

the verdict: it has its flaws, but i still enjoy it a lot. i think more experienced players will be very frustrated with it at times, and people who hate motion mechanics or constant alerts/lots of useless dialogue will be miserable. (you can turn motion controls off in the switch version but it feels unnatural because of how sword-swinging works.) on the other hand, the game's linear and hand-holdy nature actually makes it a perfect start for brand new gamers, especially given where it falls on the timeline.

A Link Between Worlds (2013)

original console: 3ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 16-23 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: takes place at least 100 years after a link to the past, and even uses the same overworld! you don't have to play that to understand this though.

story-heavy: medium, about the level you expect for 2d zeldas

edge level: medium-high

the premise: link turns into a little flat guy so he can go more places! this is a sequel involving the inhabitants of lorule, a parallel world to hyrule, one without a triforce. go back and forth between kingdoms to save hyrule from suffering the same fate, all while trying to kick a giant rabbit guy out of your house.

the good: the puzzles in this one are really fun and fresh, the old overworld map feels super nostalgic, the music is charming, and being able to tackle the dungeons in any order is a nice touch. i especially loved getting to know certain inhabitants of lorule.

the bad: the non-linear style won't be for everyone, and i wish i had been able to spend more time getting to know hilda in particular.

the verdict: this in my opinion is one of the best 2D zeldas - if you're a 2D zelda fan, especially a alttp fan, don't miss it!

Hyrule Warriors (2014, 2016, 2018)

original console: wii u

available on switch: yes, as a remake/collection

also available on: this is complicated. the game was originally released on wii u, then ported to the 3ds with new added content but i think mising some other content, and then FINALLY released on the switch with ALL the content. you can also emulate any version on the pc

average playtime: 17-38 hours, though people report up to a whopping 366 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: no

story-heavy: medium-ish. there's cool cutscenes but it's not that deep

edge level: low, this shit is just balls to the wall crazy-ass fun

the premise: a crossover between dynasty warriors and zelda. turn zelda into a beat-em-up and add cameos from popular characters doing increasingly batshit anime fighting moves. what's not to like?

the good: this game is insane. the electric guitar soundtrack, the cameos, the nostaliga - it's all here. the gameplay is good mindless fun you can really sink your teeth into, and despite it not being the point i had fun running around and exploring all the maps. there's so, so, SO much to do (366 hours!) you will literally never see the end of it.

the bad: the OCs are maybe not my favorite people. i don't know if they come from other dynasty warriors games but they were a little annoying and truly, uh, underdressed. also, as someone who likes to 100% games, it annoys me that i'll likely never 100% this, just because of the sheer timesink/grinding required.

the verdict: if you like fighting games and combat, this is for you. if you're into zelda for the serious story stuff and the puzzles, give it a pass. completionists beware, 100%ing this game is NOT for the faint-hearted.

Tri Force Heroes (2015)

original console: 3ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 14-26 hours, but up to 56 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: takes place a few years after a link between worlds - not sure if you need to play that to understand this, but it seems unlikely

story-heavy: doesn't look like it

edge level: low. oh my god, he's in a little cheerleader outfit. look at him

the premise: i don't really know, i think you crossdress to gain superpowers and then solve puzzles with your buds. i didn't play this one because i didn't have 2 friends with a 3ds and a flexible schedule. apparently there's a one-player mode, but it just doesn't seem as fun, and the lack of a 2-player mode is sad because my brother and i could've rocked it. like the four swords series, this looks like great multiplayer fun, but it's inaccessible to people without the time or coordination to get 3 people together. it looks fun as hell, though.

Breath of the Wild (2017)

original console: dual launch on wii u and switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 50-100 hours, though to 100% everything and enjoy the dlc it could take up to 210!

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, it's a sequel to everything, since it takes place at the end of (somehow) every timeline. but you don't have to have any prior experience to enjoy it

story-heavy: medium-heavy? this is the first zelda game with voice acting, and what cutscenes it does have are amazing, but you can expect to see only a very few of them

edge level: very high (this is once again post-apocalyptic), but not as high as majora's mask or twilight princess

the premise: link wakes after a 100 year sleep with no memory of who he is or what happened to the ruined world around him. explore a completely open world in your own way at your own pace, recover your memories, rescue zelda.

the good: this game hit the industry at a thousand miles per hour and six years later the hype still hasn't slowed down. this redefined the series and the genre in a way we haven't seen since oot in 1998. this game is revolutionary in the way that oot was revolutionary back then, but updated so that newer players find it just as surprising and refreshing as new players in 1998 found oot back then. the exploration, the physics, and the world are all totally unparalleled - three decades later, this zelda truly gets back to the original explorer and adventuring spirit miyamoto tried so hard to capture in the very first legend of zelda game all the way back in 1986.

the bad: as much fun as this world is to play around in, i found that most of my joy came from the exploration and not knowing what i'd find around the next corner. it's still a very, very, VERY good game, but i found that on my replay it just didn't have that same shininess that other games in the series do when i replay them. and, of course, because it's so different it's very divisive - there's no human ganondorf in this game, no dungeons - all your puzzle-solving comes in microdungeons called shrines scattered around hyrule. weapon durability is also a hotly debated feature - even i found it frustrating at times, although in many ways the forced improvisation it brings to the table is more than worth the cost of admission. and overall the enemies are all the same and have no real difference between them, even the bosses, and the boss fights kind of suck. it's a really good game, but it does have its flaws.

the verdict: this is the perfect starting point for anyone new to the series. many people have started with this game and learned about hyrule alongside the amnesiac link - i had an extremely interesting discussion once with someone on tumblr about how the game is different if you've grown up loving hyrule and see it get torn apart, vs if the only hyrule you know IS the one that's torn apart. both ways are wonderful experiences, and i think even non-zelda fans would find something to love in the freedom this game offers.

Cadence of Hyrule (2019)

original console: switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 6-11 hours, but you can add up to 12 more if you play the dlc

mainline game: no

sequel: no

story-heavy: not really

edge level: low

the premise: a crossover with crypt of the necrodancer, a roguelike rhythm game. there's no real story here except, notably, a brief cameo of a younger ganondorf, though his back is always turned to you. (if you could go back and kill ganondorf as a baby...)

the good: well, a rhythm game's gotta have good music, right? both the rehashes of the old songs and the new music are absolutely stellar here. i'm normally iffy on rhythm games but i found the gameplay addictive (there's a strong tactical element to moving around) and the exploration fun. getting to play as zelda (!!!) if you want is a great bonus, too. there's really nothing not to love.

the bad: the kind of movement you have in this game doesn't lend itself super well to boss fights most of the time. they weren't bad by any means but definitely one of the weaker parts of the experience.

the verdict: unless you hate rhythm games or hate fun, you'll like this one, especially if you're a crypt of the necrodancer fan or a fan of zelda's music in general. puzzle fans might be disappointed there aren't as many mind-twisters in this one, though.

Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity (2020)

original console: switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 25-40 hours, though it can take up to 76 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: a direct prequel to breath of the wild and its eventual but as-of-yet unreleased sequel tears of the kingdom

story-heavy: yes

edge level: relatively low, i'm told

the premise: so this is a prequel to botw, taking place during the era just before the apocalypse. i didn't finish it because it came out right around nov 5 2020 (iykyk) and then someone spoiled the ending for me and i thought it sounded stupid, so i was less motivated to play. what little i did play of it was great, though - it was exciting and fun in all the ways the original hyrule warriors was but bigger and badder in every respect, and with a little more of that somber botw flavor. i intend to finish before totk comes out despite my reservations about the story.

The Conclusion

it's a great time to be a zelda fan because out of the 22 games on this list, only 8 of them are unavailable on nintendo switch, and only 2 of those are what i would consider to be mainline games. that means you can access two thirds of the ENTIRE SERIES, spanning almost 4 decades, on a single console! your only limits are your time and your wallet. most of the ones that AREN'T available on the switch can be played on a 3ds, so if you have or buy one, nearly the entire series is at your fingertips. (you can emulate the shit out of your 3ds, btw, and play a lot of these gameboy, gba, and ds games for free - nintendo isn't looking anymore so they don't care.)

sorry i couldn't fully cover all games - i welcome opinions from people who have played games i've missed in the tags. when i do get around to playing them, i will come back and update this guide! expect an entry for totk eventually too. thanks for reading and i hope it was helpful to someone!

#loz posts #the legend of zelda #zelda #breath of the wild #tears of the kingdom #whew!! glad to have THAT off my chest.#liz makes stuff #?? sure #liz's loz stuff #loz meta #anyway. i hope it's useful to at least one person but literally don't even worry about it. i just wanted to talk to myself about zelda

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medicaldoctordana · 8 months

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Okay, so, I need an expert to translate this because your post and the timelines and etc. got me confused. XDDD

In Pilot, Mulder says: "You're a medical doctor. You teach at the academy. You did your undergraduate degree in physics. Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation: Dana Scully's senior thesis. Now that's a credential, rewriting Einstein."

In Synchrony, Mulder says: "[insert quote]. In case you forgot, that was from your graduate thesis."

Could you break it alllll down for me, because I'm fascinated.

When he said graduate thesis, I’m sure it was a writing error because he’s quoting the same thesis as the pilot, her undergraduate thesis. Based on context of the quote, it sounds like it would fit within her twin paradox paper— “Although common sense may rule out the possibility of time travel, the laws of quantum physics certainly do not.” - (fox Mulder quoting) Dana Scully. That’s certainly not a medical school paper and it’s already established she only has a BS in physics. (And an MD focus in pathology)

she did undergrad at University of Maryland, graduated in 1986 (22 years old) receiving a Bachelors of Science in Physics and medical school at Stanford in California where she got her Medical Degree. It’s said she completed a residency in Forensic Medicine but there’s no reference to where or when. She likely graduated in 1990 at 26, was recruited to the FBI right after graduation and attended quantico before assuming a teaching position there. I believe a stint at quantico as a student is only a few months and is where she met Jack Willis. It’s said in the series she worked at quantico for approximately two years before being assigned to the x files.

This timeline makes more sense if you are a 1993 x-files assignment truther and disregard the date stamp on the pilot episode of 1992 and the time jump to the rest of season 1 taking place in 1993. That would also make her 29 at the time of her assignment like @perpetually-weirdening commented on my other post.

#as per my blog name #I am obsessed with Dana Scully’s medical career

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rottingvulture · 4 days

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Do you have any personal redesigns or headcanons for the scream 1996 cast? 👀

it depends on whether we are taking a modern au or the canon timeline.

If it's during the 1990s, then not much would be different. I'm not going to go through my "modern au" headcanons and redesigns in this post, but I might on a different one

Billy would have slightly longer hair, and he'd wear grungier clothing. I'm a stuilly fan so I'd say that him and Stu are dating in secret and those movie nights really were just an excuse for dates. Also they used to do boy scouts together.

For Stu, again not much is changed. He probably got a nose piercing to piss off his parents and because Billy talked about liking them. His go to outfit is jeans, a tank top, and some sort of fun/colorful unbuttoned shirt over it, like the orange one he wore in the movie. Also his hair is more like how matthew lillards was in senseless than it is in scream.

I don't have much for Randy besides the fact that after the events of scream, he became a stoner before being like "aw fuck if there's a sequel I'm gonna die"

For Tatum, I'd say she fits the "popular cheerleader but still smart" type of character. Maybe not straight As but definetly at least Bs. I love her outfits sm that I don't really want to change her style 😭

For sidney, she definetly had a crush on Tatum, but at least in the 90s, she never would have told Tatum. She did blonde streaks in her hair at home. Her outfit style also pretty much stays the same in my imagining for her. Sweater and jean combinations, or a shirt, her jean jacket, and a darker pair of pants. Dresses and skirts were for special occasions.

#scream franchise #scream movie #scream #billy x stu #stu macher #billy loomis #sidney prescott #tatum riley #randy meeks

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darkwood-sleddog · 10 months

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Can you describe some things you look for and ask of when searching for potential breeders?

I’m shopping around (I’ve been looking for breeders of several different kinds of terriers) and so far have yet to find a breeder who is the right fit. They either have well-socialized and behaved dogs but breed too young for my tastes and only rely on embark health tests, have years of experience with the breed but also question the “need” for dog vaccines, or some other BS.

I’m kind of at my wit’s end here at this point.

Sure, now i'm not going to give a comprehensive list here, i think @shrimpsisbugs post HERE is a great starting point, but here's a bit what i look for:

Relating to the Dogs Themselves:

-Does this breeder do all breed appropriate health testing?

-Are their dogs in the OFA database if they are North American based?

-Do their dogs have CHIC numbers in the OFA database and not just the minimum amount of health testing?

-No breeder prior to the age of 2 on any dog. All breeding dogs must complete full health testing before breeding.

-Do the dogs do stuff? Big red flag for me is when there is ONLY conformation photos of the dog as it is, imo, fairly easy to hide a unideal temperament in the ring. I want to see the dogs interacting with others, doing work, doing play, being dogs.

-Does this breeder achieve titles OTHER than conformation? This is a big thing i look for because I do think that stable tempered dogs should be able to achieve titles other than confo fairly easily, especially if they are breed work specific titles. A breeder that does not have anything of value in their dogs other than confo is not a breeder i want to buy from.

-If it's a coated breed, do they have photos of the breeding dogs WITHOUT coat? This is important to make structural opinions based outside of corrective grooming.

Relating to the Breeder Themselves:

-When i talk to the breeder are they willing to discuss in depth all health testing results AND whatever titles the dogs have? Anybody not willing to discuss this is a no go for me.

-Does breeder keep up to date with current science? Not doing so i a big red flag for me. I actually heard about the no go for legumes and a lot of the not great nutritional balance of many boutique dog foods years before it became a hot topic because of my breeder

-Does breeder allow me to come see the adult breeding dogs in person? (Many breeders will limit visitors to puppies in case of disease which to me is not a red flag in itself).

-Does the breeder choose the puppies for clients? This is important to me as I, as a buyer, am not around the puppies from birth, but the breeder is.

-Breeder should not be pushing certain MLMs, anti-vaccine policies etc. on buyers. Health decision related contract items should be able to be a discussion between the breeder and client (Original contract was to neuter Sigurd at 6 months, but through discussion i pushed it to 11 months and each subsequent contract i've received for other dogs has a much further timeline for spay/neuter, especially as my breeder has kept up with science).

Other stuff:

-If you can visit the kennel, is it clean? Where are dogs kept? Are puppies raised inside, what sort of socialization process do the puppies go through before they leave home? These are important questions to me. A dog's living quarters should NEVER be hidden from potential buyers. EVER. My breeder has a virtual kennel tour available in case people are unable to physically visit.

My favorite thing to mention regarding dog breeders is: NO GOOD RESPONSIBLE BREEDER HAS ANYTHING TO HIDE.

Breeders should be excited and proud of their dogs and accomplishments and be willing to talk about them, they should also be upfront and honest about any faults produced, things they're looking to correct, and they should never be shying away from talking about any unhealthy dogs they produce. You as a buyer should get an honest and comprehensive, and honestly long winded, description of these things.

Big red flags for me are when breeders are insistent something ISN'T a problem in the breed when having discussions on breed improvement. Like, for example, when people say there's not a working drive problem in Alaskan Malamutes, when many people that actually work the dogs long distance describe otherwise.

#faq #dogblr #dog breeding

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bisexual-panic · 5 months

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By their reasoning they should also be shipping Sylvie/Mobius, right? Loki and Sylvie are the same person, he fell in love with himself etc. So Mobius should easily fall in love with Sylvie too, yes? She is his favorite after all.

Oh, and don't worry if you're looking for that queer representation (because we all know two queer individuals in a m/f presenting relationship isn't true representation, amirite?), Sylvie is genderfluid too, and she can be the dude you need her to be. /sarcasm (real tired of that bi-erasing bs)

thanks so much for the ask, finally someone says it

looking at antis logic and then explaining how its complete bs (and often contradicts what they’ve stated anyway) will always be a favourite pastime of mine

if by their reasoning Loki and Sylvie are then same person then Mobius should be in love with all the variants in the void even the alligator because you said all variants share dna so the are the same person and since Loki does so much “obvious flirting and affection”then Sylvie should as well (and not ,rightly fully so, yell at him for thinking the should get pie while the timelines are dying)

the bi erasure annoys me so bloody much. antis will claim sylki is erasure because it’s a “straight” relationship (they were walking around a walking bi flag for 40 mins! did we even watch the same show) but then the only way Loki can show bisexual representation is by dating a man, that is bi erasure itself

they also constantly bring up Loki’s sexuality but never Sylvie’s, strange isn’t it? it’s almost like they don’t want queer representation only for two straight men to kiss

#so fucking done with their bullshit #go live in a cave somewhere to be alone with your thoughts and realise how stupid you sound #sylvie laufeydottir #loki laufeyson #sylki #loki series #loki season 2 #pro sylki #anti lokius #fuck off antis #ask #anon ask #anonymous

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samninja18 · 5 months

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Rick and Dr Wong…

Sue me, I ship them.

Reasons why?

1. Rick has TRIED dating people as smart or strong as him before, he’s dated literal aliens and had a few crushes that never worked out. He was ready to raise a kid with one and that didn’t work out. He needs to try a normal human being, someone to help balance out his syfi life, call out his BS, respect his space, help him out, and not be afraid of him.

2. Diane is NEVER coming back in canon, she’s been erased all across this timeline’s multiverse. Bird Person is gone. Unity is toxic. And I can’t find anyone else that would be alright for him that he can actually get along with and find respect for.

3. Rick respects her to a point he actually listens and behaves in therapy, he admitted she was right about him needing it, he defended her and saved her life and asked her for HELP with the whole Unity deal (tho she didn’t have the full story). He would never do this with ANY other human that wasn’t his family or a close friend.

These reasons are all why I think it could work out even if it will never be canon.

Also Rick seems pretty angry With the President flirting with her. If she was just another human to him he wouldn’t be bothered at all, he’d just say “Ew” and walk away like it’s nothing. Instead he gets MAD and pretends not to care, something we’ve ONLY seen him do with people he genuinely cares about. Like when he got jealous that Morty saw a random group of people as his heroes.

Now reasons why I like them as a ship in general?

Look at photos of them as a duo

They have a similar “I’m done with this bullshit” and “you know I’m right” Attitude.

I love this dynamic.

And I know what your thinking:

“She’s his therapist! She can’t date him! It’s so wrong!”-

Get real, it’s rick and morty. This show isn’t traditional by ANY means. Beth is literally dating her own clone while still married to her husband. Morty dated an alien, Rick has fucked an alien horse lady and a planet, Morty had a son, Jerry got swapped with another reality, Morty isn’t even biologically Rick’s Morty.

This show is all about breaking tradition. So Rick dating his own therapist isn’t even a stretch. And Dr Wong while remaining a therapist has stepped out of her “code” quite a few times for the Sanchez family and therefore shouldn’t have a problem doing so again.

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professoroffandom · 7 months

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Hello, Father Brown fans once again I am back on my BS. For reasons I cannot fully explain, I have been possessed to figure out the timeline of the 2013 TV series. And it's left me absolutely cackling but extremely confused.

(Disclaimer: Before I start I am aware that TV shows have to retcon things as they progress, and there will be inevitable plot holes but I still love the show)

Okay so in the last episode of Series 1, Episode 10, The Blue Cross

We see "Captain Flynn's" marching orders

Dated 8th October 1953. Okay, so we know Series 10 takes in 1954 which means Kembleford would have gone through 3 inspectors, and probably experienced around 130 murders. IN A YEAR. Not to much mention comments like Inspector Mallory made that he put down roots in Kembleford.

OK so that had me laughing but then I remembered

Series 5, Episode 11, The Sins of Others

The Episode in which Sid after a year of being in prison for a crime he did not commit checks a witness statement.

25th of June 1952 (I know it is cut off but trust me )

He also has a calendar from the time he left.

Okay, so that means that Series 5 takes place in 1953. So that means Series 5 to probably 9 ish was all in 1953. But that does not seem right with the amount Holiday episodes we got.

My question to you guys is what do you think the new timeline is?

My best guess is that Series 1 would now have to be around be 1949 or 1950 which also seems tight.

But in all honestly I’m all for Father Brown pulling a Twilight with their timeline and having over 100 hundred murders in a year.

#father brown #bbc father brown #sid carter #hercule flambeau #hospital Wi-Fi sucks #this is my second time trying to post this

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sweetcloverheart · 1 year

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The thing that gets me about “Derision” is that if the writers really wanted to use it as “proof” that Chloe is a irredeemable monster and make her responsible for all of Marinette’s less liked quirks by the fandom, they could have just made the prank a thing that happened in the actual current timeline instead of the past so it could cause her issues after, or revealed it in back in season 3 when they were setting up having her betray the group to Hawkmoth. Hell, they didn’t even need the prank - Chloe’s done enough BS to Marinette both on screen and implied that I could 110% believe there’s likely a place in Paris she feels uncomfortable being near because it holds bad memories of worse times for her

But because Status Quo is God and the grand plan cannot be altered in any way, it has to be a past event that contradicts several other events just by existing, specifically at a place Marinette has never shown discomfort in being at or shown fear of doing activities in until the episode, to cause a specific response from her towards Adrien and Kim that she has never ever had until this point towards them (or any of the other boys she dated, which now gives the very terrible implication Marinette never actually liked them and led them on), and has now permanently recontextualized several of Marinette less than stellar on screen moments in a more negative light (and that’s not even getting into all the uncomfy implications it’s created for the “jokes” the show’s made about her cringiness regarding her crush at her expense) - all so that the writers can blame Chloe for the fact Marinette once showed she had Adrien’s entire schedule memorized as a one-off joke that later became recurring.

And yet somehow, no one involved saw the problem with that?

#ML Salt #Clover Rants Miraculously

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drachenfalter · 2 years

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Alternate Timeline for the Wittebane brothers

Okay, since the Wittebanes arriving in Gravesfield in 1613 is clearly BS, both from a historical and canonical perspective*, I'm gonna offer a different timeline here:

Around 1630 to 1635: Caleb Wittebane and Philip Wittebane are born in England, shortly before the English Civil War

1644 to 1647: Matthew Hopkins becomes a prolific witch hunter; Caleb and Philip lose their parents (possibly related to the war).

The Wittebanes might have actually met Matthew Hopkins during that time.

around 1647: Caleb manages to get him and his brother on a ship to the new world, where he hopes to start a new life.

after 1647: Caleb and Philip enter Gravesfield shortly after the local witch trials started; Caleb makes use of the opportunity to present himself and his brother as experienced witch hunters who have learned under the esteemed Matthew Hopkins. - A Lie, obviously.

1650~ Caleb meets a witch from the Boiling Isles, and starts questioning his work, eventually leaving his old life behind.

1655~ Philip finally enters the Boiling Isles and gets stuck there for some time.

From there on, the story continues as we know it. Philip kills his brother, eventually meets Luz in the late 1660s or early 1670s, finds the Collector and makes plans to kill every witch on the Boiling Isles.

(* Canonically, Gravesfield was founded in 1635, over twenty years later. Historically, Connecticut didn't have any large scale witch trials until after 1647, so that's the earliest date that makes sense for Masha's story.)

#the owl house #toh headcanon #toh timeline #no I'm not gonna accept the 1613 date #caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #wittebane brothers

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piedoesnotequalpi · 30 days

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Some thoughts/notes from the depths of my bachelorette au planning document:

An early list of contestants had Spot as one of the contestants for some reason? Anyway, I realized pretty quickly that I needed a character to be in a director/producer type role, so I put Spot in that role and the enemies with benefits plotline was born.

Related to that, I knew early on that the host of the show would be Jack’s ex (it’s one of the first notes in my planning document), but I thought about it for a bit before I decided it would be Race.

I originally had it in my notes that Crutchie/Charlie and Albert would admit their feelings for each other in Mystic but when I got to that chapter I realized that they weren't on that fast of a timeline.

Related to timing, the conversation between Katherine and Race post-Romeo elimination about the need to play a part was supposed to take place later, but as I was writing I realized it was the right time for that conversation.

My first draft of Jack and Davey’s post kiss conversation was a little angrier and also ended with Race showing up with the illegal phones, but then I realized that he’d show up on the security cameras if he did that and rewrote the scene.

The reason Davey is good at BS (the card game) is because Sarah taught it to him when they were kids–she decided he should know how to lie, because his teachers sure as heck weren’t prioritizing that.

Miles is based on a friend of mine, including the messy ponytail, dislike of formal clothing, and unreasonably good Connect Four skills. Miles in real life is also probably a bit funnier than his fictional counterpart.

For that matter, most (but not all) of the named one-off characters that show up are based on people I've met–I'm not always great at producing characters from scratch, and some people in my life have specifically asked to make cameos in my writing.

I didn't quite think this through at first, but Crutchie had a challenging schedule for this whole thing–he won his category at paraclimbing nationals, immediately went home to pack for the show, and then spent the next couple months proceeding to not train for the world cup (which he leaves for right after the men tell all films).

There was a scene from the airplane date that I cut because it kind of interrupted the flow of the story where a bunch of the characters gave each other their canon nicknames (for example, Spencer -> Specs).

The idea for Albert deciding to get his ears pierced came from a mistake I made–I was using a picrew to figure out character appearances, forgot to clear the earrings I'd given the last character I'd done, and then realized it would be a good character growth thing for him.

#isabel.tex #bachelorette au #not sure if this is something anyone is interested in at all #but i have so so many notes about the characters and their futures and what they were thinking at different times throughout the story #and just like. some notes on why i included stuff/how the story changed over time

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lightlycareless · 8 months

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Chapter 36 - thoughts.

Hello everyone!

Back at it again with chapter 36’s notes! Of course, if you want to avoid spoilers I recommend reading the chapter (found right over here) first. Also, I skipped chapter 35’s notes because I didn’t think there was much to say… or if there was, it would be too short for me to make a post. However, if there’s something you’d like for me to expand on that chapter I’ll gladly oblige! My ask box is always open ❤️

As always, major spoilers underneath the cut, as well as no proofreading, or very minimal. All candid you know lol.

Now, without further ado, here are the notes!

This chapter was meant to clarify or deepen the motivations behind some of the characters :> uncover the continuous mystery surrounding Minako’s and Tomoko’s absence, their relationship with their family, and one thing I’ve been wanting to explore about jujutsu (which I’m not done with hehe) however, I did face some difficulties, mainly because of the timeline and if the stories were tragic enough HAHAHA.

But anyways, let’s start with the hardships.

The timeline, a.k.a how old were Y/N and Naoya when their respective mothers died. Now, I don’t like setting down dates because I feel like once you take that commitment, there’s no going back 😂. And there’s too many things I want to explore to reduce them into dates, so I tend to leave them open-ended.

However, with Y/N I did have some guidelines. It was important for me to keep Minako’s death occurring after ’98, and all because I said she was very supporting of Ren when Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls 😭 not them influencing my fic once again 😂 that, and because I didn't envision her being present in the high school era of their kids.

Taking all of this into consideration, her death would've to occur inbetween 99-01. The latest would make Y/N roughly 10 years old, Hinata 12, Ren 14. Very young to lose a mother, indeed.

As for Naoya, I just needed him to be old enough to remember Tomoko, but not that old for Mariya and the gang to remember her. Out of the two, she would have to be the most mysterious one, considering nobody wants to talk about, (I wouldn't be surprised if the members of the estate didn't know when she was last seen) one could even say she’s more of a legend at this point, impossible to prove or disprove.

I think the one that knows/remembers most of her had to be Junko, considering how she was trained to be Ogi’s wife or whatever bullshit by her. Naobito can’t be bothered to remember his own wife, not even after the 6 kids she gave him, although he is the kind of person to compare “his ex” with his partners, saying how she was prettier or some other bs, or even look for said partners who kind of resemble her. At least her memories live on with him like that jfc what am I even saying.

Anywayssssss

I think that out of the two, Tomoko’s story was the most tragic. In the way that she was essentially doomed from the very moment Naobito set eyes on her. I don’t think she ever imagined the things she would have to go through. Maybe the kid part she had an idea, but the rest? Nah, no amount of indoctrination could ever prepare her for that.

The more depth I give her, the more realize how truly alone she is, like it physically pained me to have to write how Tomoko could only trust her children (and not even all of them); she probably couldn’t even rely on Junko for anything. Now that it’s been brought up, Tomoko probably asked Junko’s favorite flowers to be planted as a way to show sorority, reach out to her, but it flew past her. I don’t doubt she desperately tried to reach out to her family too, only to be told to “suck it up” and that this is the best thing to happen in their life, so she better not ruin it.

Once again, the Zen’in dynamic is heavily inspired by the Todoroki fam lol Tomoko must be Rei around the time she burnt Shoto. I’m glad to say that it didn’t go to those extremes but had Naoya not said anything… who knows what might’ve happened. Even as disgusting as he’d become, I’m glad his child-self didn’t get attacked like that.

Another point I wanted to explore about her was her dynamic with the rest of her kids. If I had to put like a list of her most to least liked kids, Naoaki would be the first, from there Naofumi, Naohiko, Naosuke, Naohito, and finally, Naoya.

Naoaki is mainly because he was her first child, back then when she was still… “ok”, and even with the environment she had to raise him, she still cared for him and was very involved in his upbringing, as much as she could anyways.

Because he was the oldest one, the most “mature one” thanks to his crude childhood, Tomoko felt she could confide in him, but that relationship didn’t flourish until he was replaced by Naoya.

I swear, Tomoko must’ve been the kind of mother that unintentionally pitted her children against each other and spoke badly of their father to them by saying things (mainly to Naoaki) like “I don’t know what your father is thinking about, you’re clearly much better than Naoya” and “You were never as impolite as him” and so on and so forth. She might’ve also been blunt about how Naobito doesn’t seem to like them, but that “didn't matter” because she does. (OK Tomoko, not sure they wanted to hear the first part but aight)

She tried being a good mother, she really did. But her environment, alongside the critical pregnancies she had finally took a toll on her mental health, and it led her to take it out on Naoya—I believe the best way to describe what she was feeling was postpartum depression, but considering how grave it was and the problems she had with her previous pregnancies, it was more likely postpartum psychosis.

The Zen’in strike me as the kind of family that doesn’t believe in mental health—less if it comes from women, I shouldn’t be surprised they thought Tomoko as simply “emotional” instead of having an actual condition that needed treatment. Oh no, the Zen’in shooting themselves on the foot once again? Who could've seen this coming?!

Naoya unfortunately became the outlet of Tomoko’s suffering, which started as soon as she gave birth to him and held him—she looked at that poor baby and something inside her snapped. Something like “you’re the child these bastards were looking for, you’re the reason why I had to suffer so much.”

Also, I don’t know if anyone remembers one post a long time ago, where I said I was watching the movie Hereditary and was like “Huh, inspiring.”

I meant this scene. Except that Tomoko (or at least that’s what I understood from the mom’s “disdain” for the kid—of course, that was just one issue of the many they had lol) didn’t feel sorry for Naoya and the life he was going to be put through, but rather all that she had to endure to conceive him. Can’t blame her, it was tough… I just wished none of them had to become her victims too.

That, and essentially Azula from Avatar, that one scene where she’s like “my own mother thought I was a monster” goddamn if that isn’t painful—it made you feel bad for her, even with her craziness, she just wanted a mother 😭 unnghhhh not me trying to redeem Naoya!!!! (more like make him… human)

Her absence was definitely the major point as to why Naoya turned out to be the way he did. With her gone, the last “happy” (let’s put it that way) thing inside the Zen’in was completely eradicated. Even if Naoya didn’t get to interact much with her, just by seeing her by afar he probably would’ve been like, wait…. What is… that—get a reference on how not to be an absolute, indisputable piece of shit.

He would’ve still turned to be a jackass, but maybe not that bad? Idk, people can have two parents and still turn batshit crazy.

Now, this also served to justify his womanizing ways lol. I don’t know why the fandom decided that was to be one of his traits (which I don’t mind I guess), considering he’s insufferable, but after watching one of my favorite youtuber’s expand on someone who behaved a similar way, I was like DAMN is that Naoya.

People tend to seek attention through various ways, and for Naoya that would be in countless women. It’s peak mommy issues, I know, but in his defense… don’t we all have parent issues 😭? Anyways, Naoya tried to search for that one person that would cherish/love him unconditionally, someone that made him truly special, saw for who he was and not for what he had… (can you believe I based that “you’re my favorite child because you’re the most talented one” line FROM A GODDAM DOUJINSHI? I won’t go into details, but it’s a certain obnoxious, irritating heir from a prestigious clan and his renegade cousin HAHAHAHAHH)

I mean, I get it, but what was Naoya expecting to find by flaunting his wealth in order to meet people? Not to say that everyone is like that but come on lol. And he wasn’t even selective about them either? He would just go with the one he considered attractive/convincing enough and hoped for the best, I guess? He became pickier further down the road (aw, Naoya eventually learned to be choosy lol) stopping only, of course, when he eventually met his beloved Y/N :> Just another tease for their first meeting (I feel like I’m hyping this too much, I hope it ain’t disappointing when it finally appears on the story)

Well, even if he cares for Y/N, he still takes a lot from Naobito. He’s lucky Y/N is essentially trapped with him because she would’ve left the moment she could—she’s not like Tomoko, she still has someone to support her so… the clock is ticking Naoya.

Now onto the other BS family, the L/N.

This is the part I liked the most, because it’s more inclined to the whole “expanding how jujutsu can be used” kind of thing.

I already knew that Minako was going to… die like that and was looking forward to expanding on it when it finally came to it. (I just know that Ren, Hinata, and Y/N would hate this one vine with a burning passion—Gojo is the one to show it to them and they will beat his ass) doubling down when the whole culling games arc thingy happened on the manga, I was like DAMN so that’s what Kenjaku was doing? What was going to happen with Tsumiki? oohoHOHOHO, although I don’t think both things could relate considering the timeline and the requirements to mark them… or who knows? I don’t remember if it was specified when Kenjaku started marking people, or if Tsumiki and the rest of the victims were the first ones. (there’s allot of things that don’t make sense to me 😭 and I haven’t kept up with the manga tbh)

Well, it didn’t stop me from going on with my plan, and thus I began to torture Y/N and her family.

The reason why Minako got cursed… was easy: because some sorcerers were jealous/desperate to get to her. After seeing how strong her kids were, they thought “well maybe we can kidnap her and use her” but after that proved to be a failure, they decided “if we can’t have her, no one can.”

It’s really sick to know that, but with a crazy-ass community as the one the jujutsu world has… I really couldn’t think of anything else. I mean, the Kamo’s…

Anyways, I always wondered what it meant to be haunted in this universe. Once again, I don’t remember if it was ever mentioned/shown (outside of haunting places) so I had to exploit that to my advantage.

I know curses are seen by sorcerers, but I like to think that those powerful enough, maybe having a set goal/victim/target manage to become invisible to everyone but them—either by sheer determination or something lol. No, but really, that must depend on the level/power/talent of the sorcerer that begins the haunting as well as the curse, and if they’re really powerful they might be able to zero-in on their victim completely untraceable, God help if the person isn’t a sorcerer. Like, no one will be able to feel a curse is nearby.

Because it takes great skill (to pass undetected), only a handful can perform the ritual it takes to haunt someone, making it a dangerous practice. I’d like to believe it was eventually forbidden at one point, thus destroying all records showing how to do so.

And because I want to, there are levels of haunts too hehehe, here are the ones I can think of right now:

Those to harass. Self-explanatory, they’re just there to bother, and depending on the intention, they might hurt too.

Those to influence. Do someone else’s bidding, an additional voice for your conscience. The victim might think it’s them thinking such thoughts and enact them on their own within time. They’re fully conscious of what’s happening, might question if they truly want to do that, but they go through with it anyways.

Those to control. Take full control of their body and conscience. It’s the harsher one of the three to do (as well as difficult to trace), because its success greatly depends on the will of the victim. If the victim is strong-willed the haunt might take some time to work, if at all, and depending on the curse, it might find ways to debilitate them to ease their entrance. Once controlled, the victim will not remember anything that happened until after, rarely are they conscious during the act.

Minako was affected by the last one—however, it didn’t go as successfully as the perpetrator wanted because I like to imagine that since the OG rituals were wiped out, the only thing that managed to survive (if anything) were pieces here and there of information, leaving the rest to the imagination haha.

It’s why Minako was still able to fight it off a bit, and remember some things. But yeah, someone was intending to take control of her—and she was fighting that person (as shown by those allegedly senseless conversations) to stay away from her, but in the end she succumbed.

Omg I just thought… what if Minako, upon noticing the curse user’s intentions, decided to sabotage her body??????????????? Stop eating so they wouldn’t control her? Omg………………………………………………………………………………………………

But of course, the notes are here to give closure on some things, so… even with Minakos’ strong will, the curse managed to inflict enough damage on her, the result of those actions being the marks on across her body, setting her up to be controlled.

I gotta say, even though the L/N are absolute, always-wrong, pieces of poop, they did the right thing by “killing” Minako during this stage, because the next thing would’ve been the curse controlling her.

The rumor of them being the ones responsible of her death is nasty. But not so crazy, considering the elders really did not like Minako for something that wasn’t even her responsibility, but try convincing these “old-style” bastards out of it…

Writing this made me think of a question idk if anyone wondered lol considering these rituals were “banned” it would make sense someone would try to report them to HQ right? or if it’s something new, never-seen before… right?

Well, Eiichi tried, but without solid evidence, it could easily just be a rumor—and a waste of time/money to pursue. He was very angry with that, believe me, and scolded the elders for wasting an opportunity to prevent another family from suffering the same.

However, if they had been responsible of that… they obviously wouldn’t rat out the person that helped them.

Omg…. What if in the au where Toji takes Naoaki’s role or so, he was taking jobs on the side, shady ones, and he was actually involved in Minako’s death (to not say he was the one responsible)?????????????????????????????????????????????????? that might be the point where she starts to look at Naoya under a different light lol.

But yeah, going back to the actual story, gee, what an entanglement, truly. F the jujutsu community.

The following point is the deepening of the relationship of the main branch, a.k.a Eiichi, Minako, and all them kids.

I always envisioned all of the kids being super close to Minako, and not because they disliked Eiichi (he was a good dad—just… awkward lol. Uncool, and just how Posh Spice would say... yeah, poor Eiichi 😂. He’s definitely an avid practitioner of dad-jokes) but because his duties often kept them apart; he tried his best to be present, but it’s hard sometimes.

They all loved them kids tho, but because of particular reasons I will disclose later, that being now, Y/N was the favorite one. After Hinata and Ren filled the L/N clan’s expectations, it essentially allowed Y/N to have allot of free time with her parents, so they were able to dote on her more frequently.

It just made me wonder how much Y/N had to train in order to keep up with them (specially Hinata) since she wasn’t a priority when it came to her jujutsu education—I’m sure they all did what they could so she wouldn’t be left behind, but more likely than not she did lots of self-learning.

I really liked the opportunity this chapter gave me to deepen Ren’s, Hinata’s, and Eiichi’s motivations. I swear to God their subconscious took Y/N’s abducting as “yet again, another sorcerer (clan) trying to hurt our family”

Of course this was enough for them to snap, but they all reacted differently.

Because Eiichi felt completely alone without Minako, it was easier for him to be manipulated by the Zen’in (allegedly AHAHAH) and because they were so aggressive about it, he genuinely thought Y/N would be much better with them than him continuing to resist, so there’s that—but if it’s worth anything, he’s deeply regretful for having succumbed and there’s not a day where he doesn’t believe Minako is cursing him from heaven. Of course, those thoughts come more to him while he’s drunk, another consequence of having lost her. He was an occasional drinker, mostly social, but his grief certainly took him to that point.

Ren was probably the most aware one when his mom got sick, and thus, the one that probably felt the most responsible. Going on and on about how he was supposed to be a sorcerer, just a few years away from entering jujutsu high, and yet didn’t figure out his mother was being haunted/cursed. The guilt inside him was so big, he had to get out of the house as quickly as possible—one of the many reasons why he decided to study in Kyoto at first, only coming back later when he grew disappointed by the environment there (which just made him remember of the elders of his clan he hates so much) and missed his family, so he eventually returned. It was kind of a “well, if I’m going to be angry all the time, I’d rather be angry with my family around.”

Hinata also felt very, very guilty for what happened to Minako, mainly because of her cursed technique. She went through a phase of constantly demeaning herself, calling herself “inept” or “stupid” because her technique is supposed to protect the user/target from those kinds of attacks—this led her to become far more… involved/creative with her technique, trying to exploit her limits as much as she could to prevent something like this ever escaping her attention.

Y/N felt the most isolated, because she heavily relied on being with someone, (thanks to the elders being nasty with her ugh) you know? Someone to support her. The rest tend to deal with their own things by themselves, and while they still supported each other, it wasn’t the same. I guess that’s the reason why she was so excited to attend jujutsu high, only to be left virtually alone when the whole crisis thing happened and no new students were enrolling, worsening when Naoya decided to further isolate her from the rest of the world when marrying her. Her getting heavily attached to Naoaki, Mariya and the gang, Mai and Maki, shouldn’t be a surprise at this point. Specially Naoaki nnnhhhhggghhhhhh.

I know there were different expectations for this chapter, mainly because we’ve been desperately hoping for the moment Naoya and Y/N will finally talk lol. And I gotta say I might’ve disappointed some by how she essentially ran away… but I promise it will be worth it in the end lol Y/N running out on him like that is good I believe, cause she’s shocked that Naoya is actually capable of feeling anything else, but you know, pure evil.

These two chapters were mostly intended to show the human side of Naoya, Y/N’s reaction to it and just how similar their backgrounds were when it came to their mother's.... but with outcomes so different.

To give him emotions (and show how he handles them—terribly. I mean, he got sick!! HAHAH it’s like that one episode in atla where Zuko is good for the first time in his life and gets sick) and maybe deepen their relationship. It helps that Y/N is very empathetic to those around her… but it’ll be up to her and how he decides to act during this time if something happens between the two.

I gotta say, if I play my cards right, I think we’re like 3 chapters away from that one chapter I’VE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE FOR FOREVER I SWEAR ALL THIS SLOW BURN WILL BE WORTH IT. :> But until then…

Thank you so much for coming for a new update!!!! I know I’ve been taking quite the hiatus here and there, but it does not mean I don’t find importance in this fic, and the support you’ve given me 🥺❤️ Thank you so much for being patient with me! Can’t wait to show what’s coming next!!

As always, these are just important parts I remember as highly influential for the chapter, but if there's something you'd like to know more about don't hesitate to let me know!! I'll do my best to respond ❤️

Now, take care, have a wonderful week, and hope to see all of you soon!!

#thought series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x your #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader

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mossymultiverse · 1 month

Text

mossy log #15

yall would not BELIEVE the month(s) ive had. ....ok actually yeah you probably would,

k so. broke a bone for the first time. that was fun. ....is it weird that that's only mostly sarcastic? ....anyway, im not gonna tell yall a whole bunch about what happened because i Do Not Feel Like It (sorry, maybe if u ask me more i'll elaborate? but rn its just a bunch of scribbles that i dont feel like untangling), but uhh. basically ther was a landslide, and i broke a leg, and got a whole buncha other more minor injuries, and the hospital staff were absolutely lovely and i do feel kinda bad for scaring them so much. but also. it was mostly not my fault. ....it also wasnt their faults, it was just unfortunate circumstances.

anyway! so, because of that, i learned how to use crutches, and learned a lot more about hospitals and the like. i prolly shoulda kept yall up to date WHILE i was recovering, but, uh, in my defense, i forgor. mainly because i was a bit busy with.... well, recovering. and trying to trick my brain into Not trying to get me tf outta there.

i also miiiighta gone into a bit of a Trance, probably to heal? gave the staff a right ol scare with that, whoops. shoutout to my brain for. basically everything, actually.

so anyway, now that i have fully recovered, remembered that this blog exists now, and also made sure to properly connect it (it should be fine, but yknow, if anythin weird happens just assume it's me trying to fix some timeline bs. nonlinearity can be wonderful! it can also suck So bad.), uhhhh im goin back to (hopefully) travelling more! small, quick hops, probably not gonna stay in any one place too long. ive been a bit stir crazy. ....huh, i remember that story. that was fucked up. ....yknow, i havent been there in a while. maybe.... well, who knows! right now im chillin with my bois, zuko was delighted to see me again, and it turns out tee is Very good at turning up places he shouldnt, so that's exciting. that being said, i dont plan on staying here more than a week, and then it's off to another place! and then another and another! and so on!

now, let's see if i remember any of my tags.... /lh

#mossy log #unreality #[ ooc divider ]#unreality //#teehee. oops.#listen i love this blog im just also really silly.#luckily i do actually have an ic excuse! so. here ya go!

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