#then in aro spaces we are told we don't have to be in a romantic relationship but instead we can be in a QPR

[genderkoolaid]

yeah im a aro-spec lesbian and ive literally been told that im 'reinforcing the predatory lesbian stereotype' bc i still sleep w/ ppl even tho im not really interested in dating rn. it doesnt matter that there are plenty of other lesbians that have casual sex, but apparently thats fine since they can fall in love but its bad when i do it bc im just 'using ppl' and 'have commitment issues'. even tho the women i sleep w/ all know and are fine w/ there not being any potential romance. but yeah amatonormativity totally isnt a problem in the lesbian community 🙄

yeah godddd even in queer spaces im super hesitant about being openly aro. cause casual sex/FWB is all fun and quirky when you're assumed to be allo and will eventually get a romantic partner/view casual sex as a gateway to romance. but if you are openly aro and want casual sex/FWB/sexual friendship/etc. then you are reinforcing stereotypes/internalized homophobia/traumatized/commitment issues/a heartless slut preying on allo people (who have feelings while we don't because we're incapable of love or being hurt!)

i think a lot of allo people don't understand that there is a difference in how people treat someone whose "taking a break from dating/sex to focus on themself" or "just having fun and letting off steam" and an aro/ace person just. existing and doing anything at all. if i told people i was taking a break from dating pr wasn't looking for anything serious right now they'd be totally chill, but say i don't feel romantic attraction, never want a romantic relationship and my ideal relationship is "friends with benefits"? suddenly they treat me like i'm a dr. phil guest.

and its bitterly ironic for the exact reason you mentioned: allos accuse us of "leading people on" and tend to assume we're going to be somehow toxic or abusive or predatory in relationships. and so we'll be so painfully clear about what we want and don't want and get confirmation that its okay a million times.... and then our allo lovers will get mad at us for not being okay with things we explicitly said we weren't okay with, and for not falling in love despite our explicit explanation that we don't fall in love.

#m. #ask box

[aromantic-diaries]

The thing about the big scary cishet aroallos people seem to be so afraid of these days is that I met many of the sort of person they imagine when they talk about this (which usually isn't someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction but rather just a cishet man with 0 care for other human lives) and trust me most of them would NOT identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. With the stereotypes and societal narratives we're taught it's easy to imagine an aroallo cishet man as some guy who doesn't want to commit and just uses women for sex, which is ironic because in the same breath these types of exclusionists usually criticize aces because they believe we all think allos are sex-obsessed or whatever. Like just because that guy is cishet and allo doesn't mean he wants to have sex 24/7. Maybe he just wants to exist as a single person without getting shit for it or being constantly told to settle down and have a relationship. Like I imagine what it would be like to be a cishet aroallo man and honestly what reason would I have to look at a community that constantly shits on me and seems to hate me and that the other cishet men around me probably try to teach me to hate and go "I'm aromantic and I want to be part of this space" if they didn't struggle with alienation from their peers and the societal expectations placed on them? That's honestly such a big thing with exclusionists because I look at the bullshit that aces, aros, trans people, bi people etc. get from both the LGBTQ+ community and the cishets and ask myself "if I really fit in with the allocishet experience, WHY WOULD I CHOOSE THIS INSTEAD?"

I have to agree with you here. Sure, there's definetly cishet alloaro men out there who are just fuckboys who use women for sex, in any group there will be people who fit the negative stereotypes and that's not a reason to point at them and go "see? They ARE like that!" There is a difference between cishet allosexual men who don't see women as people but rather as sex toys and cishet allosexual men who are aromantic. Being sexually attracted to women without wanting anything romantic is not the problem, it's a neutral thing. The problem is when you don't view women as human beings and the men who are like that would usually see the word 'aromantic' and think it's just some woke sjw bullshit or a mental disorder. I think it's really unfair towards aromantic people as a whole because we're constantly telling people that our lack of romantic attraction does not make us bad people. Is it okay to see aromanticism as an indicator of bad morals all of a sudden just cause the person in question is a cishet man? No. Even if the man is actually a bad person. Because if there are exceptions to the rule then where do we draw the line? If the same thing is gonna be directed at aromantic trans lesbians, something I can see happening, will that also be okay because we're so scared of someone with a penis being sexually attracted to women?

#anon #mail time

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi there! How are you doing? I have some questions, well, a rant *plus* some questions.

I feel... safer with allo allies than I do with aro/ace communities (online). Does that make me aphobic/bad? I don't go by labels because for me, they're not necessary. If I *were* to label myself based purely on definitions, I would be aroace, specifically, demiromantic asexual. I used to go by this a while back.

I don't fit the stereotype of being aroace at all. I'll talk about the aromantic side. Unlike most arospecs i've seen online, I LOVE Valentine's day! I LOVE shipping! I LOVE consuming romance fiction. I LOVE romance et cetera et cetera and yet I don't experience it like allos do. I need a strong bond with someone in order to fall in love and it takes me really, really, long to do so. But once it happens, my love is not 'weak'. It makes me pass really well as allo because of this, but it makes a lot of people in the aro community mad because I'm 'stealing' a label to 'feel special'. I was always told I was not aroace, that I couldn't be aroace by definition. That I was alloromantic asexual pretending to be on the arospec. That I was too scared to be 'basic'.

On that topic, and I think this is unintentional, but... why is nobody batting an eye when an aro or an ace person shames an allo or calls them weird or basic? Because they're doing exactly what allo aphobes are doing to them. I had this conversation with a friend and he said, 'that doesn't happen, allo people don't get shamed especially by aspec people', yet, I keep seeing things like 'I fucking hate allos so much' and 'To all my aces, we're not like allos, we're better' or something along those lines.

Whenever I enter an aspec online space, I'm made to feel like an intruder because, as I said, my experiences are very similar to the allo experience EXCEPT for the fact that I don't feel romantic attraction unless a strong bond has been formed. I'm not saying the aroace community is bad in any way, don't get my wrong, I'm saying that there is a massive gatekeeping problem going around and so much bubbling hatred and separation, and I don't understand any of it. In a prefect world, I'd happily identify as aroace, but I feel ashamed to do so now.

The gatekeeping... the infighting, I don't want to hate the online community of which I'm supposed to belong but this... this isn't right. The allo allies don't do things like this. They don't make me feel insecure about myself. And yes, while I don't experience romance like an allo would, I feel safe around them. I need to ask, have you seen this too? Have you experienced this? Is this truly all in my head? What do you think?

I apologize for the vent or if I seem aphobic, I just really need answers and I'm tired of the constant hatred... How are you? Did you drink enough water? Did you sleep well today? Did you eat? Again, I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable with this!

Vents are totally welcome, Anon. Don't worry.

I'm really sorry you ran into gatekeeping, Anon. I feel like that's something that's really been on the rise especially over the last couple of years. It's a real issue and it causes a lot of harm. This should go without saying, but demiromantic people are aro, and have just as much right to be here as anyone else on the aro spectrum.

I do think at least part of the problem is social media in general and how things are set up these days. We don't have community spaces as much anymore, in particular we've lost moderated spaces where gatekeepers can be properly dealt with. And there's very little curation or organization. Things are chaotic and fragmented, and one person's experience and what kind of posts they say see may vary wildly from someone else's. There's also a competing needs issue, where one aro may need to vent about romance, another may need their romantic side validated and there's no way to organize so each can find the space they each need.

If finding aro spaces/blogs that are more accepting is important to you, Anon (and it's OK both if it is or isn't), my big advice would be seek out demiromantic blogs and posters specifically. There's some very good ones around and they'll be posting about aro things that are relevant to you, and even more importantly won't be gatekeeping demi identities.

For more aro-general blogs, there are ones out there that are also inclusive and anti-gatekeeping, but it may take a bit of work to find them. Be very liberal with your unfollow and block buttons. If someone is gatekeeping block on sight, but also if they're not posting the type of aro content that you need or want to see, you're allowed to organize things so you don't see their posts. Sometimes unfollowing is enough, but blocking also doesn't necessarily mean the other person has done anything wrong, it's just a tool to make sure you're not seeing a blog you don't want to see.

For the shaming allos question, I do think it's a complex topic. For me it depends on context. I definitely do not believe in any kind of ace/aro superiority, being ace and/or aro, or being allo are both neutral. Nobody's smarter or more moral or more pure or anything like that. But sometimes people say things as a vent in the moment and are reacting to a difficult situation they've been in. So for example someone may say 'allos suck' but it comes from a place where they've been very badly treated by allos for being ace or aro but they're referring more to the societal systems that are in place that privilege allo people and make life more difficult for ace/aro people, they don't actually believe being allo makes someone a bad person. (It can be hard to tell what's going on just from a post, again it's OK to unfollow and block, especially if it's just not what you personally need to see in the moment).

Personally I don't come across a lot of this type of stuff, but this is what I mean about things being fragmented, the blogs I follow just aren't posting about the infighting or gatekeeping and I don't happen to see it in the tags when I go in there. But I do hear about it second hand, and it seems like it's a problem on other social media sites I'm not on as well.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time, Anon. But I am glad you've found people you can be comfortable with and be yourself around. That's really important too. And thanks for the reminder that I really should drink more water today.

Hopefully at least some of this is helpful, but if you have more questions or want to discuss anything in more detail, feel free to send in another ask.

All the best!

#aspec antagonism #vent post

[rowanwithaz]

The Izuchako problem.

(⚠ I want to make sure everyone knows I'm not hating on anyone or anything,if I say anything negative about Izuchako that's just critiques,and all the negative things I say about Izuchako shippers is just certain people who have been assholes,I'm not hating on anything,just wanted to write some issues on the Izuchako community and issues in some media that the toxic side of the community supports,and,yes,I'm aware every shipping community has toxic shippers,I'll talk in much more detail on that⚠)

⚠WARNING⚠: Contains: Wishing and promoting Suicide,talks about child pregnancy(very brief,) Homophobia,sexism,racism,and fucking talks about TORTURE.

First off,I have talked about Izuchako numerous times,but I've only spoke briefly on...the problems with the community.

Ochaco the baby maker?

Okay,look,I'll get a little "personal" . At a young age (4 or 5) I was told the greatest thing I could do was have children. I was told REGULARLY AS A FOUR YEAR OLD my greatest achievement would be pregnancy and child birth. So,this kinda hits a more...soft spot for me. And,I want to explain why this is so FUCKED up.

Ochaco Is a CHILD. You are saying a fifteen year old girl (17 now) should be impregnated (in this context by Izuku,also a minor) and that would be her GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT. This is pushing a narrative that has been around for hundreds of thousands of years,that a woman's biggest achievement is child barring,like,how can people say everyone is "woke feminists" when people like Matt Walsh want the age of consent laws in marriage to be sixteen ,because woman are more fertile.Weather you like it or not,you remind me of that bastard.

...I-I share a fandom with Matt Walsh wannabes. (I know non of them spoke about "child pregnancy" ,but,they didn't say, "When Ochaco gets older" . Without that context I'm going to assume you're that diluted.)

Death Threats? Who cares?

*Deep inhale* Here we go. I,uh,there is much much more,but,those contained talks about r*pe,and I was recently sexually harassed,(DON'T WORRY,IT WASN'T TOO BAD.He just did some good ol' borderline sexual harassment,so nothing too bad happened,he just sexualized me and wouldn't give me space lol) So,kinda didn't wanna talk about that.

But,yeah,this shit is so disgusting. I don't think I have to explain why this is fucked up,so I won't. Let's go to the most pressing manner,no one but US calls them out. No.One. And,the usual response is "It's just my opinion." What? What's your opinion? People should die because they like two characters that happen to be boys together romantically? But,no one calls them out,because Izuchako is the "normal" or "average viewer " ship. That translates into, "We don't call out people who ship herto ships because it's NORMAL" . Like,I won't deny that GreeNade shippers made mistakes,but,when they DID it wasn't even THIS bad. And,to top it off,all of that stained the ship's reputation,but,Izuchaco shippers can say whatever the hell they want. And NO ONE,will call them out on it.

Hori is middle aged...?(how is that relevant? Uh,let's see)

Okay,I have NO IDEA,what him being middle-aged has to do with this. And,uh,what..? What do you mean Horikoshi doesn't care about gay people? Look,I know a lot of media *cough* Disney *cough* milk gay people for money. But,if you couldn't tell,Hori,y'know has a best selling manga? He has money,and he didn't need to add gay characters for that. This man put two,(Technically three) trans characters,made Mineta bisexual cannon,hinted HEAVILY at Toga being bisexual and also hinted heavily that Mina is Aro. He.Did.Not.Need.To.Do.That.

He didn't just add trans characters and say, "Well,I'm gonna get some money." He gave them backgrounds ,he gave them RESPECT. And,in the episode when Toga and Twice correct Over Haul on Big Sis Mac's pronouns,I cried,because.

Is it Homophobia?

Well,yes and no. No,because not shipping something isn't homophobic,BUT,using a gay ship to...say certain things is.

Yep,it's homophobic,sexist,and racist...damn.

Yeah,and they GET AWAY with this. They don't face ANY repercussions. Look,I blurred out all the names because I didn't want to help spread hate to anyone. Even biggots. I think they need to face some repercussions,but I don't want to help spread hate,I want to spread awareness. So,if you stumble upon someone talking like that,report them,they are saying really really nasty stuff,and because it's a straight ship they get away with it. Unfortunately,that's how it is. And how it will be if we don't spread awareness and try to get these people off the platform,this isn't "saying a opinion" this is hate speech . I believe most of these people are homophobic,sexist,racists assholes who are using a popular BL ship to spread hate to those communities using the Izuchako community as a shield. So,most Izuchakos are being used to spread hate...that sucks,don't it?

Conclusion:

Do not talk about minors getting pregnant,(I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY THAT),on the note,stop supporting a woman's only use being a baby factory,stop sending death threats and using the excuse "my opinion" ,Hori's age and gender have NOTHING to do with his work,Stop using a gay ship to push your homophobic,racist,sexist,views on and defending yourself with an undeveloped relationship to justify yourself from any repercussions.

Let's end this with a high note,yeah?

Mineta calling Katsuki gay :) (only in sub tho,the dub FUCKED that up)

#mha #bkdk #dkbk #bnha #dekubaku #Dekucchan #izukatsu #GreeNade #midoryia izuku #urakara ochako #Bakugo Katsuki #Anti Bakudekus being stupid #Let's make that a tag

[fandomgamersimp]

Okay, so many of you fuckers don't even know what aromantic means. So hello, I am an aromantic person and I am going to talk about my aromanticism. Btw, I may not be nice on this post, but I don't care tbh, I am so tired of you acephobes. Also, note that I may also be romance-repulsed (still kinda discovering myself), hence some comments.

Disclaimer too- this is my personal story, I do not speak for other aros and how they define themselves. Unlike some of you, I don't have main character syndrome.

So:

I don't get romantic love. That type of love apparently reserved for partners, lovers etc. - I don't understand what's special about it. I even asked my friends to explain it to me. And I see no difference between this and close friendship, for example, or friends with benefits.

There is none of it in me. I had some, let's say, quick relationships, one night stands, whatever you wanna call them, sure. It was nice. We had a good time.

The thought of someone staying, sharing their space with me, having THIS type of relationship though? It makes my skeleton wanting to crawl out of me.

Also, some people have told me about loneliness too. Missing having someone. There is nothing of the sorts in my life. They tell me about sadness and wishing they'd have a partner. I have none of it. The thought of getting into a relationship is gross to me. I don't feel lonely, I don't feel sad. I don't feel, in any form of fashion, the need to be with someone and have someone to be satisfied and, let's say, "fulfilled". This feeling that you have, romantic attraction, it doesn't exist in my life. And I don't need it to.

I know what love is. I love my parents, I love my brother, I love my friends. I'd do anything if it meant their happiness. So surprise, aros ARE capable of love (despite what some of you think). Just not that one. Because I just don't need it. I don't want it. I don't miss it.

And because aromatics don't follow what society deems "normal" (read: cis and straight, both romantically and sexually), they are, therefore, LGBTQIA. To bigots, there is no difference. Bigots don't separate flags. All of us are fags and queers to them.

We face our own, personal shit too. We are forced into romance, as if otherwise we're some freaks of nature and apparently "everyone's worried that we might die of loneliness". We are fed hormones to fix us (because oh, it's just your libido or smth, which is wrong on so many levels). And, apparently STILL, we are shit on by our own community.

But we exist. We belong. We, the letter "A" (shocker, it is not for allies) are going to remain here - we, those people in history who didn't settle/marry for "mysterious reasons".

Also, this is mostly due to some stupid fucking poll going around along with acephobes in the comments and reblogs, and I'm gonna say - the way some of you treat queer men is absolutely fucking disgusting. Ace men exist. Aro men exist. All of them are queer and valid. Idk, maybe, just maybe, so many of them don't even realise they are ace because society pushes into their heads that the "normal man" is supposed to be a sex-crazed freak and just look for a partner like it's their sole purpose of existence? Maybe it's society's fault for saying that romantic love is the only way for fulfillment and happiness, as if people are meant to be exact, mindless copies of each other? Just maybe 🤷

Not to mention the misandrists in the comments too. Spiriling hate out of hate to battle hate- wow, so courageous, so heroic, your peanut brain must really hurt after coming up with such a master plan. You don't even realise that the patriarchy played you like a fiddle and gave you a twisted view of masculinity, which you're upholding with shitty views. And the actual enemy, the rich and powerful who love to make every single toxic stereotype stay as long as it brings profits and manipulated mass to follow them- they are looking at you blaming random guys (also affected by the patriarchy - 😱😱😱) and they're fucking cackling at how big of a fucking moron you are. I'm just gonna remind you that all of those problems you have with men go up to the top. The regular ones - the are conditioned, manipulated and twisted. Cutting off a branch won't get rid of the tree. You can bring then to justice and make them face consequences for shitty actions while also realising that your neighbour John isn't what upholds the system because he has a dick and identifies with what we see as masc. Idk how stupid you have to be to actually believe that. What, my older brother who supported me and helped me deal with my mental illness, who was my friend, who helped me with my passion for games and anime, he is a bad person because he's a man? My father who worked his ass off to support the family and now has health issues because of it, who does his best to be supportive of his queer kid is a bad person? Oh, I guess he's the devil himself bc he's cis and straight. Literally shut the fuck up.

And oh, leave queer men alone. Because hating on someone based solely on their sex is sexist. If your argument is "because men 🤢", fucking grow a brain instead of your fucking cranium.

Sorry for the rant, but I am so fucking tired of all of you, fr. So, to summarise my word river-

Ace men exist and are valid. There is no discourse to have about that. Leave them alone, you creep.

Aromantic and asexual people belong in the lgbtqia community. We are queer, we face queer phobia. Stop acting like a twat, we're not gonna disappear anyway.

Misandrists can suck my non-existent ding dong. Y'all are the cancer in every fucking space that you invade. Unlike ace men, you are not valid. You need therapy. Also you're sexist, so you have that going on I guess.

Again, I know I am not nice. But honestly, after wasting years of life trying to fix myself, because people can't deal with how I identify myself, I am not gonna be.

I am not obligated to act nice to bigots. You don't deserve it. If you cannot take it, leave the fucking internet. You'd be doing lots of people a favour.

EDIT: Besides adding some points I forgot about due to dealing with this stuff, I also remembered someone saying "sexual attraction without romantic attraction" and said "oh, so rape". There is so much wrong with this that I don't even know where to begin, so I'm gonna say this - as an aromantic person who was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, I hope you fucking rot in hell.

That's it, that's all.

#rant post #personal rant #aromantic #aro #also i am both aro and bi what're you gonna do abt it bitch boy 🤭 #misandry #misadrist #tw acephobia #tw sa

[ugly-anarchist]

Maybe it's me, I don't hangout much, but....where do you find all these sex hating people you're always complaining about?

Where are these terrible terrible aces?

Not all of them are ace, most of the time sex negativity can be found anywhere and everywhere.

The other day I was at my sister's birthday party and someone was gossiping about a friend of theirs that had a lot of one night stands. They looked at me and said "never be like her"

I read a lot of fanfiction and 90% of it has a virgin protagonist where they'll only "give themselves" to the love interest and go on about their purity and how much nicer it feels because they're a virgin

It's not hard to find media that says "sex bad, romance good, only romantic sex is fulfilling"

If we're talking about specifically asexuals that are alloarophobic then usually it's aces that have no contact with the alloaro community and have only heard of us conceptually.

You'll find them agreeing with alloarophobic takes, like the time I called out an arophobic TikTok and an asexual person told me this person "said nothing wrong". Situations similar to that have happened several times to me personally.

Or in their own tags talking about how "the allos" are so sex crazed and weird and how gross, vile, disgusting, and perverse they think sexual attraction is. (This doesn't happen AS often but when I was on Tumblr a few years ago it was very common)

Or, also, in discourse. When defending themselves from exclusionists I've personally seen many arguments that went essentially like "aces aren't (insert acephobic thing here) at least we don't have sex with no feeling like you ALLOS do. We have much deeper connections because we're ace" or something along those lines

Or how about in aspec spaces that they say are open to all aces and aros but actually if you even mention sexual attraction they dogpile you and tell you you need to trigger tag it but then they'll go on to make like 20 posts going into detail about a romantic interaction they had.

I could also tell you about the asexual person I met in real life once who, when I said I was aspec too, they were like "you're ace?" And I said "no, I'm alloaro" and after explaining what alloaro was to them they went "but that's not really aspec then is it?"

If I hated myself I would make you a little collage of all the horrible asks, replies, and reblogs I've gotten over the many years I've been on Tumblr. Usually about how I'm predatory and disgusting for being alloaro, how I'm shitty for invading the aspec community, and how acephobic I am for implying that sex negativity is wrong because some aces are sex repulsed. (Not even mentioning the personal threats to my wellbeing)

Finally, this fucking ask. Dunno if you're ace or not but the sarcastic tone and general air of "this doesn't really happen, you're being dramatic" is also highly alloarophobic when I, an alloaro person, am just talking about my experiences.

Don't worry though, I'll remember to put you front and center in my alloarophobic asks collage.

#also im not 'always talking about it' #this is just the place where i talk about it #im usually minding my own buisness on cool thursday mornings #but here i am instead

[redysetdare]

As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

#asks #and to be clear this isn't saying that other aspecs asking for rep or asking for recognition is a bad thing that was never the issue #it's not about how aroallo people or alloace ppl are bad or evil or oppressors #this isn't about how arospec or acespec people are all actually out to get aroace people #this is about an experience aroace people sometimes have within aro and ace spaces because certain aros and aces decide we aren't worthy #because certain aros and aces decide we dont belong #anyways sorry this took so long to answer I was trying to word it in a way that was understandable #and hopefully in a way ppl wouldnt misinterpret #but then i realized ppl who have bad faith will purposefully do that #so i shouldn't worry too much #ppl who look at it in good faith will have a conversation with me. ppl who look at it in bad faith are just the people im talking about.

[si-cucumber]

Oh that aspec post has me fuming. Rantings of an AroAce artist below

I have been lucky enough irl to have never gotten the "oh you've never met the right person" talk when I tell people I'm AroAce. I find the "let ace/aro people have sex/relationships" infuriating for obvious reasons. If someone does not want to have sex/be in a romantic relationship, we need to fucking listen to them.

But as a Horny-But-Sex-Averse Ace™, I'm in a weird position. Do I enjoy writing about my incubi getting it on? Yeah! Do I personally want to do the same? Nah! I'll pass!

I feel like people see asexuality as an all or nothing thing. You either are ok with having sex or you don't want anything to do with it at all. Being...in the middle of the spectrum makes you feel very invisible at best, and treated poorly at worst.

I often fear that people don't believe I'm ace because I enjoy engaging with adult subjects, especially in my own art/writing.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, I have felt incredibly infantilized when in adult spaces. When it came to RPing with my OCs, when I told my partners I was ace, all of the sudden, we would just...never write about adult subjects again. I was never asked "hey, you're ace, are you comfortable with writing smut?" or anything. They just assumed my uwu soft boi self couldn't handle writing dirty things or didn't want to.

While we do absolutely need to respect those who are sex repulsed and listen to their boundaries, every aspec person is different. They should be the ones calling the shots about what they engage in or with. Not you.

#WHEW THIS WAS LONG #aspec #ace #ramblings of an AroAce artist #I've been sitting on these feelings for a while lmao

[aroace-thoughts]

(They/She)

Hello hello! I don't know where to go since finding out about this label &..... Questioning. Hard..... I am on the asexual spectrum & in a polyam relationship. But ever since finding this label (AroAce) & going through others experiences & even a thing with like, 41 questions to ask yourself?? I.... Check off a lot of the AroAce stuff & feel so sad. :( I told my NP partner that I might be & we both cried cuz we're both scared of what this means/could mean. I'm still trying to figure it out. I am scared as I don't want to feel alone or grow old alone. My NP is the only person I have thought about marrying & I love the idea of romance & romantic gestures! Yet I also see it as stuff you can do with a friend. Like picnics, poems, songs, cuddling etc. I haven't really ever had a crush, but more a confused set of feelings of wanting to be closer but without the romance. Yet I grew up in and out of relationships because I wanted to be close, they had a crush on me and everyone around me said that I must have a crush on them because I'm so "flirty". I never know when people are flirting with me & I don't flirt. I joke or give genuine compliments. I just don't understand & don't want to hurt my two girlfriends. :( I care for them & love them, but I am not sure if it was ever romantically or just a "Hey you're supposed to marry your best friend & do stuff with em forever". Am I making sense? I am so sorry. I keep crying about this. I don't want to hurt anyone but I also don't want to be alone. I also think I love my NP like the way people say they love their spouses but I don't know because it's just a really strong feeling of wanting my best friend around me forever. She means everything to me & I love having her in my life. I wanna have my hand held, I wanna be kissed on my hands and face. I wanna be cuddled but I also wanna have my own bedroom, yet share a house with someone. If it doesn't happen I'll be fine. I.... I don't know how to explain it all. I wanna experience romance but how does one do that when all they ever felt was confusion, longing & a strong (platonic?) feeling for certain friends? I'm sorry for rambling. Thank you for listening. If you have any questions I'll answer them under the same name

- Confused Bambi

Hello, Bambi!

Firstly, wow that is a lot to deal with, it must be very difficult to go through. Please don’t apologise for feeling the way you’re feeling. I’m offering you lots of hugs if you need them and am happy to be a listening ear.

Often, even just writing all these thoughts and fears and emotions out can be a huge help in clearing your head. Taking deep breaths, going on a calm walk, giving your feelings the space they need, having a conversation and getting things off your chest is often the first step in figuring out what you need and what you may need to change to be happy, so you’re doing a great job already.

My main thing I want to say to you is being aroace doesn’t have to be a bad or sad thing. If you don’t want to be alone, you don’t have to be alone. If you want your own bedroom and also want your NP to be in your life and hold her hand and live with her, that’s something you can do. You and your partners are the only ones who can decide how you want your relationship to look like. (Whether romantic, or platonic, or queerplatonic, or anything else.) That can sound very scary, especially if you’re confused and unsure, but can also be a great thing and give you freedom!

You and your girlfriends clearly care a lot about each other, and from what it sounds like you have a lot of trust and communication in your relationship where you feel safe and comfortable talking to your NP about this. That’s really good and really beautiful, and not something to take for granted.

Many aro and ace people are in happy relationships that look exactly like they and their partner(s) want them to look like. There are as many relationship types in this world as there are people in relationships, all are unique to the people in them.

Also, I hope you know you don’t always need a word or a label if it’s causing you stress or fear. A lot of these words can seem very big and final and overwhelming… The word “romance” for example doesn’t have to have a big meaning if that doesn’t serve you. Take lots of time, and continue communicating and listening, and you’ll be fine.

There are no rules in life except for your happiness and wellbeing.

#ask #anon #bambi anon 🦌

[aa0akaace]

I remember one time I saw someone say something along the lines of "um asexuals having relationships without sex? Isn't that literally just called friendship 🙄" like okay if you think that way then let's do a little thought experiment shall we? Let's say you have a partner but they suddenly get this new friend, together they do the following:

Spend all of their free time together enjoying each other's company

Talk for hours on end about deep personal topics bouncing jokes ideas and compliments off of each other as if if they had an eternity to do so they would

They cuddle and take up each other's space alot

They tell one another secrets they haven't told another soul before

They share personal stories with one another and talk about what they admire about each other like love letters

They put so much before one another and deeply care about one another

They go on dates

Hell, they even outright say to each other the words " I love you"

they never have sex, now, cheating is typically considered doing something romantic with someone other than your partner, if you were to admit that this is cheating than you would have to admit that there are other things that define a romantic relationship other than just sex, if sex without love can exist than love without sex can exist too.

If you still believe that sex is the only thing that defines romantic relationships then congratulations you might just be a very closeted person on the aromantic spectrum who hasn't found out the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction yet because of how much our society forces the two together, welcome to the aro and ace community and have fun being told that you're broken for something that isn't even wrong to not be feeling,

that or you just have really unhealthy relationships that center around sex instead of the relationship itself 😬

(And of course with the examples that I gave there's probably some things in there that some asexual relationships don't do and that's perfectly okay! I'm just trying to hit the nail on the head with as many examples of romantic activities as I could to drive the point home and drill the point into their brains)

#asexual #ace week #ace #queer community #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq positivity #queer love

[mejomonster]

Honestly genuinely fully want: more lgbt spaces! Yes in schools and colleges but also for adults and full communities like lgbt communities for a whole town etc, and yes like more gay bars in more towns but also more gay coffee shops and bookstores where people can easily gather for meetings and socializing. More lgbt events regularly in communities so we can build in person communities in our own towns

Also want more genuine discussion of the b and t in lgbt. It was not until a Diversity Equity and Inclusion seminar in my workplace that I ever ran into a comprehensive discussion of the spectrum of sexuality including pansexual and bisexeual as valid real sexualities that were explained, of romantic and sexual attraction as 2 specific things, of gender being defined in depth along with how presentation and masculinity/femininity do not have to match gender identity (masc women, feminine men, masculine nonbinary people etc exist). As a young adult my old gsa mentioned NONE of this, and informative lgbt websites of the time had some of this info but you had to dig for it all. If work trainings now can cover these topics well in 1 hour then these topics can start being explained and discussed better in more circles.

More aromantic and asexual inclusion in discussions (and in an ideal world more demiromantic and demisexual, greyace greyaro included in discussions). It's wonderful there's a show Koisenu Futari finally acknowledging some of the ace identity but it is a sliver in the huge world and asexuality and aromantic should be discussed so much more, with people able to talk about their own experiences and find community. When I was younger, in lgbt spaces for teens I literally never heard of anything but gay and lesbian, so trans kids and bi and pan kids were all left being told they didn't exist or needed to figure everything out on their own. That's what every ace person goes through. Now even as trans people are in the public discussion enough theres a tiny bit of understanding of what it means (still not very good though which is why I think everyone should learn the actual definitions of gender and sex and presentation at some point), and bisexuality occasionally gets acknowledged (though still rarely explicitly labeled but we are starting to get some nice instances of it actually addressed like Nick in Heartstopper), and still ace and aro identities are fairly largely ignored in media as far as explicit identifying and discussion. I would love lgbt spaces to also provide info on what those labels mean, for people to be able to discuss their experiences and connect. A while back tumblr seemed to be a sliver of space where asexuality and aromantic did get discussed, but then it got hit with waves of acephobia (a bit like how now there's swarms of anti trans rhetoric going after users all the time). And now while I can see some people connecting about experiences, the overall amount of info being shared and community discussion seems lower from what I see (and Maybe it's still fine and big and I just don't see it much, but also I'm sure ppl who seek to destroy all of us sure hope to shut down ppl in the whole community and lower our ability to connect to others in social support)

#rant #lgbt #i mean technically lgbt+ #i just. over the pandemic my city removed the only gay club #the only lgbt spaces are for college kids. what about adults who want community? what about everyone? #and god i would love aro and demi discussions with peers. but i know ill probably not get that #i have tried to discuss demiromantic and demisexual to ppl befote #and on tumblr if it was strangers i just ran into too many ppl who wanted to say demi didnt exist #(and that aro and ace in general didnt -.-) #and like. my dude. i spent my whole life bisexual and nonbinary #my WHOLE LIFE bitches told me i wasnt supposed to exist/was wrong about myself/my identity wasnt real. so by now i know #very well that my feelings ARE real and whats ppl being shutting down to me. so i know what i experience is real #but 1 it must be hard to believe that if ppl shut u down and u arent used to it constantly like me. 2 i still #had no idea why i didnt relate to normal ppls crushes or stuff until i found the definitions of demi #3 i would hope other ppl have an easier time figuring things out than me

[an-aro-without-an-ace]

ASAW 2021 - Feb 24th

Alloaro Advocacy

We Are More Then Just Valid. We Are More Then Just A Part Of A Broader Community. We Are Alloaro. We Are Here.

Probably one of the biggest things I believe the aspec community as a whole needs to work on is alloaro advocacy and awareness. I have talked about it many times before, but community lean is heavily in favor of aces and aroaces at the moment, which alienates a large part of us from discussion and community development. Aspec stands for Ace Spectrum AND Aro Spectrum, so it should accommodate all identities under those two highly diverse Spectrums equally. Here are some things that would benifit alloaro's in the community that are sorely needed.

Spaces To Express Our Allosexuality

Imagine being in a community you no doubt belong to, and yet having nothing in the way of access to spaces where you can express yourself. Allosexuality is a big part of alloaro expression, and aromanticism is very different when frames by Allosexuality and not Asexuality. We need spaces where we feel comfortable enough to talk about experiences and feelings. Spaces we currently don't have, because of the overwhelming anxiety that talking about our sexuality will alienate us further in our own community.

Curbing The Communities Sex-Negative Attitude

I am going to be very blunt with this one. There is a big difference between being Sex-Repulsed and shaming others for their allosexuality. Its rarely overt, but it still happens in aspec spaces. The constant degrading of allosexuality by aces and aroaces, and placement of romantic attraction (and more specifically a lack of sexual attraction) above allosexuality. Not only is this damaging to alloaro's, but also sex-positive aces who also get drowned out under the deluge of negativity.

Boosting Alloaro Voices

Say it with me now. "That's so valid". The sentiment is appreciated, but here is the thing. We shouldn't have to be told we are valid. We should feel validated by the community. One of the best ways to do this, is boosting alloaro voices. Don't talk over us in issues that involve us. Invite alloaro's to express their experiences and issues with the community themselves and don't settle for second hand representation through other identities. Prove to us we are valid, beyond saying a single sentence and standing in the background.

These are just 3 examples things that can be done to boost Alloaro Advocacy in the community, but there are plenty more things that can be done. If you take anything away from this post, let it be this. Just like I said in the beginning, Aspec stands for Ace and Aro. All identities under both spectrums should be recognized equally. Alloaro's. Alloaces. Aroaces. Anyone in those spectrums deserves to be recognized.

#aromantic #alloaro #lgbt #arospec #aroallo #aspec #actually aromantic #asaw2021 #aromantic week #aro week

[aroaceconfessions]

So, I was at pajama party at close friend of mine. Me and one of the girls went outside to meat with some people (a girl and a boy I have never met before but it was okay)

I returned to the party before the other girl. After a hour or two she came back too. Then she said that the boy said that I have "a really nice body". I made a face then and quickly dismissed it because I knew from them he's kind of weird about porn and stuff like this. I mean, it was nothing personal. At all. I don't think we even talked. He doesn't know me, I don't know him (and probably will stay this way).

Now I don't know how feel about it (not in a bad way, just analyzing). I realized the true is I'm kind of flattered. I don't like it but I am.

I have heard much that I should "take care of my figure", that I should eat less sweet and bread things because they basically make you fat. Like man, I'm so fucking SICK of all this shit. This is a pressure put on women to be slim and my mum and sister are fucking obsessed what they eat because of their damn body figure. I have fat on me but I'm not fat and it took me a long time to realize this. And even longer that fat doesn't mean you're not beautiful (seriously, plus size people can be really fucking pretty). But I'm still self conscious I'm fat, that I look ugly, that because I have fat on me I'm disgusting.

And just. To hear that someone, a stranger, have said I have a nice body feels pathetically validating. He probably just said this because is this kind of person not because I'm ✨that pretty✨ or something. This just made me realize I actually... I actually feel flattered when someone think I'm sexually attractive.

The thing is, I'm a-spec and I have always thought I'm sex and romance neutral - I love sex and romance as long as it has nothing to do with me. I'm questioning this now. Romance has never been a priority for me, even before discovering my identity. And I have always felt much more comfortable in the aro spaces because 1. the ace community is awful, sorry but yeah and 2. everyone prioritize the asexuality over the aromanticism so I decided to focus on my aro-spec identity instead. But all I talked until now is actually connected to my ace-spec identity and I'm not sure what to do with it.

I just can't decide if I feel this way because I'm a girl told repeatedly I should be slim to be attractive or because I'm not as sex neutral as I thought I am (or at least in different way?). I just feel like I'm betraying both aces and women with this.

I hate how the ace culture apply mostly for sex repulsed aces with low libido. I'm confused what do to with all this. I like knowing someone thought I have a nice body. I don't thing of it exactly as a compliment but I appreciate it. The truth is... it has nothing to do with the boy himself - but with that a stranger (acquaintance AT MOST) thinks I'm attractive. I'm not saying I suddenly want to have sex. But I'm coming to realize I actually don't mind people being attracted to me (in any way). I actually like it and it makes me flattered. And I don't think I would "trick" them or something because I'm aroflux greysexual. Any kind of relationships has never been my priority and I even prefer not have ones. But I actually wouldn't mind casual flirting or dating. Hell, maybe even casual sex but I'm not sure if it's gonna work because I have pretty low libido. (And it should be with someone I trust at least)

I wish the a-spec spaces were more friendly to people who want casual romantic/sexual relationship, it would be awesome for non-strict aroaces and these with high libido. We need to grow, not trying to put ourselves in boxes.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #greysexual #graysexual #greyasexual #grayasexual #grey-asexual #gray-asexual #aspec #greyromantic #grayromantic #greyaromantic #grayaromantic #grey-aromantic #gray-aromantic

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

tw sex mentions

this is probably gonna sound weird but being a sex and romance positive aroacespec person makes me feel really excluded from the community sometimes.

I understand that I seem to fall into a much smaller group of people- most aroace people I've met are repulsed or neutral on sex and romance. but it makes me feel almost... invalid, I guess? especially because it's a result of how my identities work (demiromantic and demisexual.) and some part of me often feels that people like me don't really have a place in the community, and id we do find one there's always gotta be someone who treats us poorly. I actually remember once having some people get mad at me for having the "audacity to call myself aroacespec when I can still feel romantic/sexual attraction in certain circumstances." got told I was invading a space, wasn't welcome.

and idk it's just... weird falling on the other side of things. I understand I could hypothetically just talk to non-aroace people about my attractions and experiences but they don't understand without lots of explanation, or they think I'm making things up (as they so often do with aroacespec identities...) but I receive the same treatment from my own community; accusations of enforcing allo and amatonormativity, faking being aroacespec for attention, etc. I'm kinda just in a weird limbo where I just... can't talk about my experiences.

it makes an already isolating experience feel far more isolating and I really wish I knew how to even go about finding other sex/romance positive aroacespec people so I didn't have to be so alone.

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time, Anon. It sounds like not only are you dealing with lack of visibility but you've been running into gatekeeping too, which can be really difficult to deal with.

I do think part of the problem is the way social media is set up these days, certain narratives tend to the rise to the top and get the most visibility. Gray ace experiences are important too.

The other issue with modern social media is there's no moderation, which means there's no way to curb gatekeeping. Whereas in a properly run and moderated space, you can ban people for going around trying to tell people they're not what they identify as.

(Also just for the record, there are lots of ace and aro spectrum labels that include experiencing attraction in certain circumstances, and there's always been people who experience sexual and romantic attraction in this community. You belong here, Anon, and exactly as you say in your ask, allosexual and alloromantic experiences are not your experiences. There's a reason you came to these labels and your experiences and identity are valid. If you identify as aroacespec, that's what you are and no one else has the right to say otherwise. End of discussion.)

I'm really sorry you've been made to feel you can't talk about your experiences, gray experiences are so important to talk about and share. We have such a diverse community and ace and aro spectrum identities can be so complex, it's always helpful and beneficial to hear different people's experiences.

One thing you could do that may help is look into the gray-ace/gray-aro and demisexual/demiromantic tags specifically, which are somewhat active, and try and find people there to follow. Seek out similar experiences. I also recommend blocking any gatekeepers. They're always going to use the most emotionally charged language they can. It doesn't make them right. And hopefully one day we can just build better spaces for ourselves that give us more room to talk about our different experiences and find others like us.

All the best!

#aspec antagonism

[therequiemforthelost-archive]

Gotcha, binch. Do 'em all. 💚🤍🖤

Oh noooo you got me what a shaaaaame /j

1.) When did you realize you were aromantic?

Uuuuuuh I wanna say in the first quarter of 2021 after breaking up with my ex boyfriend? I came to the realization that romance was legit just... friendship with a different label for me, if that makes sense. I feel very little distinction and being demiro myself, it can take a hot minute for the distinction to be more clear. And like even then, sometimes it just felt like ~super friendship~ and in the end for the two romantic relationships I had been in, both myself and my partner had been hurt in some way because it wasn't something I understood before it clicked. Tbh I should've realized it sooner cause there were multiple times in middle school when I'd talk about someone of the opposite gender doing something nice for me and not understanding why people would immediately reply with "omg do you have a crush on him???"

2.) How important is your arospec label to your overall identity?

Irl, super important, actually! It's hard for me to explain to people who don't know how it works and what it's like, but the people important to me love and understand, which I appreciate. In online spaces and irl ones, you may hear me just call myself aro, which is accurate, but I identify more with demiro at the moment! I can definitely say that I've been a lot happier and much more fulfilled in life now that I've realized it.

3.) Are there any aromantic microlabels you use?

Mainly demiro! I just found demirose, which I fucking LOVE, and I think aegoromantic, quoiromantic, recipromantic, and the tried and true grayromantic describe me fairly well too! Still, mainly demiro though cause it's easier to keep track of fjwhdj

4.) What does aromantic mean to you?

Aromantic means that just because I don't experience love romantically, that doesn't mean I can't fiercely love platonically. To me, it means that the part of me that people expect to be filled by a romantic partner is instead filled by the friends and family who love and support me. It means that I'm not broken and that I don't have to force myself to "fix it". It means that I an be atypically me, as I've started calling it.

5.) Has your arospec identity impacted your self shipping experience?

PFFFT fuck no-- Well, once I figured it out, a little bit. Helped me to understand why I'm so enamored with friends to lovers and childhood friends to lovers. But I still have ships that are more "traditional" in a romantic sense and lowkey some of the best ships I have. Like honestly, I absolutely LOVE romance as a concept, especially in fiction! ...Okay I lied, I like adding in a "oh god fuck WHY" moment for my OCs and inserts once they realize they have feelings and absolutely have no idea what the fuck to do or when the feelings changed.

6.) Give us some arospec headcanons for your f/os!

*slaps Albedo and Piers on the back* these bad boys can fit so much demiromanticism-- Lowkey though Albedo is very much gray aro. And I like to think Momo also identifies with an arospec identity and would probably just use gray aro until she figures it out. Platonical/Familial? You cannot look me in the face and tell me that Iago isn't aro in some capacity. I'd also hazard to say Aizen would be somewhere on the aro spectrum too?

7.) Here’s one (1) gush pass for a platonic or familial f/o!

We already know who that's going to and that's my duncle baybeeeeeee. Bertrand is like, so fucking kind and supportive to his kiddos and he doesn't even realize it? Asks about plans for the future, encourages them when the going gets tough, even makes a shitty dad joke about being cold and then starts moving his cold armored ass towards his kids to scare them because well, he is wearing cold ass metal. And we CANNOT forget the incident where a bunch of creepy crawlies started falling from a tree and in true uncle fashion, he used his shield as an umbrella and told everyone to fuck off and get their own. I love him so much. 10 out of 10, would punch a guy for me if I asked him to.

8.) Are you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shit? Free pass to go on a little aromantic rant.

Please please PLEASE if you are gonna make a joke related to something with a specific aro label, don't lump everyone together, please? Just because a label is under the arospec umbrella doesn't mean that the joke will go over well for all identities under the umbrella. It comes off as kinda exclusionary and can be a form of erasure. Like, shit hurts man, especially as someone who identifies as demiro. For example, if something is pointed out as a specific arospec label, don't make a joke about aromanticism in general. It doesn't go over well and lowkey makes me super uncomfortable. Also just, don't shit on demi labels in general please. Like, come on, right in front of my salad?

#thank you daaaaaaad /lh #ask meme #the librarian's musings #parental figure!

[softpine]

Could we get another you don't have to read but it's interesting text post?? 👉👈

omg i hope this is what you meant, but umm here’s some backstory about griffin’s roommates? because even my nameless extras apparently need deep lore in my mind?? fjkjsd

TW: mentions of drug addiction, homelessness, religion, abuse, and biphobia. + me not being able to stop talking ever.

jeremy; 19. gay. [also the guy from this post.] jeremy grew up smack in the middle of the bible belt. his parents wanted him to grow up and be a pastor like all the generations before him. he was a model child and no one expected him to run away, so his parents actually thought he was kidnapped when, on a random tuesday, he left in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on his back. the police found him wandering towards the bus stop just a few hours later and dropped him back at home. everyone then repeated the same cycle again and again for years, before jeremy’s parents got fed up and agreed to legally emancipate him if he agreed to just stop embarrassing their family. he finally hit the road on his own when he was 15.

he met griffin at a train station out west a while later. griffin had just left his aunt’s house, and neither of them had any place to be. jeremy is the one that taught him how to pickpocket (although there was a lot less flirting involved in jeremy’s method – he relies heavily on the “dumb tourist desperately needing directions” angle). but jeremy can never stay in one place too long, so he left. a year later, they happened to bump into each other in another state and decided a coincidence like that was too big to ignore. so they started traveling together and eventually ended up in nyc, where they stayed. (well, kinda. jeremy disappears for weeks at a time and comes back with all kinds of stories.)

griffin sometimes gets pissed because jeremy likes to equate their 2 childhoods, but they were really nothing alike. sure, jeremy’s family was oppressive and he could never be himself around them, but they were wealthy, they loved him, they never laid a hand on him, and they’re still hoping he comes home someday. jeremy didn’t leave because he had to, he left because he wanted to. but he can’t seem to grasp the difference. still, he listened when griffin told him he should reach out to his family and let them know he’s okay. now they have scheduled phone calls once a month and they’re all happy with that amount of communication. 

all in all, jeremy is still a kid. he loves comic books, action figures, the atari he & griffin split 50/50, and going to the movies. he’s always looking for the next big adventure or something to make him feel more alive. unfortunately, that’s taken him to some darker places with drugs and alcohol, but he’s doing okay right now. he was worried about moving into an apartment because he thought it would make him feel too trapped, but he actually likes having a place that he chose, that no one is forcing him to be at. oh and no, he and griffin have never dated. jeremy just doesn’t know what personal space means. 

eddie; 34. straight [but probably aro/ace in modern terms]. he’s already been divorced three times, which he assumed is because he's a pushover, never fights for anything or takes his own stance, and seemingly lacks passion in every aspect of his life. for almost ten years, he worked as a personal accountant in the upper east side. his days were mundane: he ate the same breakfast (oatmeal), the same lunch (ham & cheese sandwich), and the same dinner (chicken noodle soup) every day. somewhere around the time of his third divorce, he realized he wasn’t going to find fulfillment unless he searched for it, so he quit his job, cashed out his family inheritance, and traveled through europe. as he was living in hostels and hitchhiking and relying on the kindness of strangers, he started to become well-acquainted with the homeless communities in every place he visited. he realized how out of touch he had become, and how privileged he was to be bored with his life. and thus, he had found his passion.

when he returned to new york, he got a new job in finance for a nonprofit organization for the homeless. that was nice and all, but he never got to see the benefits of his work, so he started volunteering at food banks and shelters. that’s where he met jeremy and griffin. jeremy was fascinated by how truly dull eddie is. he kept waiting for eddie to reveal some deep, wild, secret part of him, but it never happened. eddie never even bragged about his adventures in europe; he would always turn the conversation back around to others. by the time jeremy realized he really is that boring, he was already looking up to eddie as an older brother type (and griffin was just along for the ride).

eddie is the one that’s actually renting the apartment and then renting out the extra space to griffin, jeremy, and vincent at dirt cheap rates while they get on their feet. he agreed to keep doing this as long as they all have jobs (pickpocketing doesn’t count) and try to stay clean in jeremy’s case.

vincent; 21. bi. vincent grew up comfortable, but not wealthy, in queens, with his family who emigrated from singapore before he was born. his parents later got divorced, and now he’s the oldest of a combined total of seven siblings, though he’s always been closer to his mom and stepdad. growing up, his grades were just average, he had a few friends but was too shy to be popular, and he wasn’t particularly athletic either – he was on the swim team for a while, but he hated the competitive aspect. his favorite part was staying behind after practice and having the pool all to himself; he would float on his back for hours, just watching the pool lights reflecting on the ceiling. he struggled to fit in at school. this all changed when he started weightlifting during his senior year. he mainly started doing it as a way to keep himself busy, but he soon realized that the more fit he got, the more attention people paid him. he liked that.

soon after, he started his first relationship with a girl, kelly, who he intended to marry someday. they graduated high school together and both enrolled at the same college – though vincent hadn’t decided a major yet – and things were going great. he even came out to her as bi and she took it really well (especially for the time). they were settled into an apartment of their own at 19.

in his quest to figure out his major, vincent took up all kinds of new hobbies, his favorite being drumming. he even started a garage band with some of his friends. they started playing house shows, which ended up being somewhat popular, though they don’t expect to make it big anytime soon. at one of these shows, vincent ran into griffin and they bonded over their love of rock music. when vincent found out that griffin didn’t have a place to stay that night, he invited him to sleep on his couch – understandably, kelly was angry that he didn’t ask first.

kelly got increasingly more upset as time went on and vincent & griffin became better friends. even though nothing romantic ever happened between them (and i sure hope not, because griffin was like 16 at the start), kelly was convinced that vincent was cheating on her and that she was only there to cover for his “true” sexuality. when they inevitably broke up, vincent was devastated. not only that, but he now had to find a new place to live asap. that’s when griffin mentioned that he and jeremy were renting rooms from eddie and that vincent was welcome to join. and that takes us up to the present! (well, the “present” being 1987).

#THIS IS SO LONG #imagine being me and having all of this flood your brain when you're trying to sleep at night!! #free me! #anonymous #asks #saviorhide #brandi answers #camellia ask #drugs tw #addiction tw #homelessness tw #religion tw #abuse tw #biphobia tw #homophobia tw