#they are also both coincidentally queer and closeted

[cosmic-dichotomy]

This story is turning out more queer than I intended

Karin is turning himself into a monster in a desperate bid to be loved for the abomination he thinks he is

Sachiko is killing herself and her children by suppressing her power in a desperate bid to be loved despite the abomination she thinks she is

#they are also both coincidentally queer and closeted #wip: wolfskin

[idealuk]

Things that have not been lost on me:

Both my favourite TV show and my favourite movie (which is an adaption of my favourite book) both have graphic, yet gorgeous, queer sex scenes that look like works of art and also have beautifully tender scenes that take place in museums.

Both have a very multicultural cast.

Both have an impeccable soundtrack.

Both are about overcoming odds against an archaic entity based in London.

I have great taste as both were unmitigated global phenomenons (fuck you, Reed, this strike is exactly what you deserve).

Coincidentally, both have a Latino with a Z in their last name who was forced out of the closet by a jealous asshole, but that actually led to the prior getting better career opportunities in their respective public-speaking fields and being able to be public with the men they love.

Both were created by trans/non-binary individuals so maybe let us tell more stories!

FirstPrince is very Nomanita-coded.

... (What I only just now realized) More than half of this can also be said about my favourite musical.

#sense8 #red white and royal blue #rwarb #rwrb #firstprince #first prince #herlito #nomanita #alex claremont-diaz #prince henry fox-mountchristen-windsor #reed hastings #lito rodriguez #hernando fuentes #joaquin flores #miguel ramos #lana wachowski #lily wachowski #casey mcquiston #nomi marks #amanita caplan #alex x henry #alexxhenry #alexhenry #henry x alex #henryxalex #henryalex #lito x hernando #litoxhernando #litohernando #hernando x lito

[maxanor]

Watched up until ep 9 so here are more of my abbreviated thoughts, don't want to make this ask too long but many thoughts head never empty about this show and my babygirls.

Ep 5: god what an episode, the official and final break up of my best girls. The scene where Alicent walks into the banquet in that green dress: lifechanging, actual chills, that scene is sooo good and other people don't seem to care about it as much as I do from what I saw online but like that scene is insane, I want to live inside of it; the meaning of the colours, the declaration of war, THE MUSIC (!!)

Ep 6: the shift to the older actors oooh we're here, they're both so excellent and just the tension in this episode, like that's sexual the small council scene uuhm Alicent babes look away and Rhaenyra stop touching that ball there is a touch starved lesbian across from you have some decorum (also Alicent was at her most bitchy (affectionate) this episode and I kind of lived for it)

Ep 7: THE episode. Now why did I have to see that Dae/myra sex scene?? Controversial opinion: the knife scene was more sexual than the Dae/myra sex scene, something something stabbing as a metaphor for gay sex, stabbing your homoerotic situationship after breaking up 10 years ago something something. WHERE IS DUTY WHERE IS SACRIFICE - Olivia that entire scene, yeah I was captivated (also Otto being proud, oh the toxic generational abuse continues yes tragedy)

Ep 8: Viserys losing an eye after not giving a shit Aemond lost an eye and not doing anything, oh I call that poetic justice. Rhaenicent making soft eyes at each other oh the gays are at it again, who let them out? The children continuing their fighting because of the damage their mothers already did, oh the generational conflict continues, cannot bury the hatchet when you have sown hate for years

Ep 9: no one seems to agree online from what I saw, but honestly maybe one of my favourite episodes of the season, maybe that is because I adore Alicent and this episode was all about her in my opinion. The scene between Rhaenys and Alicent, loved that, they could not have played that scene any gayer but maybe that's just me. Otto calling Alicent out about her feelings surrounding Rhaenyra, like at this point the closet is glass sweetie. "Childhood companion", the subtext is there if they ever make it maintext I will sob.

Question: I know the actors have discussed the queer subtext but have any of the writers or directors ever hinted at it as well? It can't be all coincidental right?

Anyways this got way way too long, my bad🩵 going to watch ep 10 soon, wish me luck🫡

making popcorn to answer this ask mwahahaha 🍿

ep5 – god this episode is heartbreaking, emily carey's acting is just incredible i love her so much!! this was actually the first episode i watched live and i know people were freaking out about it, but it does seem to get overlooked in light of everything that comes next

ep6 – EMMA AND OLIVIA 🫶 both their introductions are incredible and i'm forever thankful they were cast <3 the small council scene is insane 😵‍💫

ep7 – soooo true this is THEEE episode!!! although ofc every time i think of this episode i redact the dae/myra sex scene bc poor rhaenyra has been thru so much she doesnt need that as well!! also your opinion is not controversial, rhaenicent absolutely have more chemistry, both emma and olivia's performances in that scene are insane god i love them (bonus: the script from the scene)

ep8 – i loveeeee this episode sooo much, their children are so poisoned against each other but alicent and rhaenyra cannot help but want to mend their relationship like they yearn for each other so deeply they'll never be free!!!! also aemond is my best friend in this episode i love him <3

ep9 – i love this episode too!!! i don't necessarily subscribe to any "team" but the targtowers are just much more interesting than all of the team black characters (excluding rhaenyra) and i love seeing the inner-workings of the green council. also aegon's coronation scene is so incredible oh tgc the actor you are!!! and "you imbecile" being unscripted like oh that shit is insane 😵‍💫

to answer your question about the writers/directors supporting rhaenicent, yes they do! i'll put some quotes under the cut <3

"they are good friends with this potential romantic entanglement from earlier on that has always been a big thing for that, that i thought it was an essential component  of why they are such close friends. it seems like it’s a kind of unrequited love…rhaenyra has this deep longing for her best friend" – miguel sapochnik (co-showrunner involved in s1, he's not going to be involved in s2 due to some internal drama lmao)

"the underlying theme is that rhaenyra is actually in love with alicent. with milly as young rhaenyra, it was very much about seeing how she experiences this constant series of small rejections from alicent" – miguel sapochnik

"alicent is feeling very alone. so when rhaenyra enters, that’s what she wants. she wants the love in her life, and it’s a bit of a love story in a way, of these two women" – geeta patel (directed 1x08)

"[rhaenyra and alicent] are in my mind a divorced couple. they were in love as friends, and now they are apart" – geeta patel

"these two young women who were friends as girls, who grew up deeply loving each other...and then how they were forced into this situation by the pressures put on them by the aristocracy and by the patriarchy, by these ancient political constructs around them" – ryan condal (main showrunner)

"there is an element of queerness to it, whether you see it that way or as just the unbelievably passionate friendships that women have with each other at that age. i think understanding that element of it sort of informs the entire rest of their relationship...at the core of it, they knew each other as children, and they loved each other and that doesn't go away" – sara hess (executive producer/writer/lesbian)

"despite everything that happened, there is a deep connection and ultimately you can’t erase the fact that you loved and cared for someone. it can get twisted, but it cannot be deleted" – clare kilner (directed 1x04, 1x05, and 1x09)

"i saw the love and romance of these two girls, which makes it all the more tragic when they become estranged" – greg yaitanes (director of 1x02)

honestly there are more and this isnt even getting into everything emma, olivia, emily, and milly have said but 🤗 rhaenicent is canon change my mind!!!!

#asks #noheteroexplanation #im loving these asks i really could talk about them all day

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

Don’t know if this has been asked or mentioned yet for the Pack but what are their sexualities?

(Love you writing btw ❤️)

"This can be a sensitive subject for a lot of people for quite a few different reasons." You caution immediately, and everyone in the pack nods in agreement. You give a slight smile. "Most of us are very comfortable and settled into our chosen sexualities, so we're comfortable talking about and discussing it, but just know, even if you're not sure where you fall on the scale or are currently dealing with some internalized issues, you are always welcome and safe here with us.

"Yep." Chan nods seriously. "Out of the closet, in the closet, wherever you are currently, we love and support you and your choices and we understand the difficulties and stigmas with deciding and coming to to terms with who you are and how to present that."

"That being said-" You smile a bit bigger now. "I think it's pretty safe to say that we're all part of the queer community here."

"What part of this-" Hyunjin gestures to the other eight members of the pack with amusement. "-looks straight to you?"

You laugh. "So, the whole polyamory thing, that more comes from the wolf side of our genders and personalities. Wolves are not loners, they need a pack, but also, as humans and people, we needed to be okay with that too obviously for this to work."

"Yep." Jisung is nodding now. "Because your wolf side can be all gungho about the idea of a pack, but if you as a person don't believe you can love more than one person at the same time, then you're definitely going to struggle. And that's okay."

"As far as personal sexuality-" You muse, glancing around at the pack. I think we all kind of fall into the same spectrum, but with individual differences and different labels."

"I've known I was bisexual for as long as I can remember." You go on, looking thoughtful. "My parents didn't like the idea at first, but when I had my first girlfriend in high school, they came around. It's always just felt natural for me to find the beauty in both males and females."

"I'm also bi." Changbin adds, nodding his head. "Though unlike (Y/N), I think I fought more with alpha stereotypes for a long time-from myself mostly, but also other people-and that stopped me from really exploring and realizing that truth about myself until I graduated high school and moved away for college."

"And now he's just a fucking flaming queer." Hyunjin teases, grinning at the alpha, as he leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek, Changbin rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, something like that."

"I was kind of a late bloomer as well." Chan cocks his head, considering for a moment. "I didn't realize being bisexual was even an option honestly until I got to high school and met some pretty open minded classmates. I also made the realization coincidentally around the time I first met Felix."

He grins over at the omega and Felix grins back.

"Weird how that happens, huh hyung?"

"Yeah, weird." Chan agrees, grinning even bigger now.

Felix laughs at the head alpha's antics. "I'm bisexual as well. Definitely known since I was a kid, my parents were always super supportive, I was lucky that way. Helping Chan-hyung find out his sexuality in high school was also kind of fun, if you know what I mean."

Jisung guffaws and Chan blushes.

"I'm pansexual, and I think I've cognitively known for a long time." Hyunjin volunteers. "I've always never really cared much about genders-primary or secondary-and always just been attracted to people because of who they are, not what they are."

"Same." Jisung agrees, nodding enthusiastically. "Gender has never mattered to me when it came to partners. In the past or present. I remember when I was first figuring it out, I got a little freaked out, because one day in middle school, I had the thought 'wow, that's kind of hot' in reference to one of my fellow guy friends working out, and I thought I was having some sort of mental health break at thirteen. Turns out I'm just attracted to everyone-no matter the gender-who fits my checklist in personality."

He grins, and Hyunjin laughs in shared sympathy.

"I think I'm also pansexual, honestly." Jeongin interjects thoughtfully, and Jisung gives him an affectionate look across the room. "I used to think` maybe I identified as bisexual like noona and the hyungs, but the more I've grown and learned about myself, the more I can see that I'm attracted to traits and not body parts."

"And that's definitely okay." Chan nods at the youngest encouragingly. "Gender and sexuality is a fluid scale as far as I'm concerned, and you can change or adjust or tweak at any time as you find out more about yourself."

"I'm demisexual." Seungmin announces, shifting slightly to cross his arms over his chest. "You have to win my affection and loyalty by proving to me that we have an emotional connection."

"You also have to compete in a joust." Jisung teases, and the other beta smacks him lightly.

"Physical means nothing to me without the foundation there first." Seungmin continues, ignoring Jisung's jibes. "That's why I told noona 'no, but I could' when she first asked me if I liked her like I liked Changbin. The connection was being built between us, maybe more than study buddies at the time, but it wasn't quite there yet, not enough for me to feel romantic toward her."

"And I appreciated the honest. Even if I cried in the shower about it later." You tease back with a slight smile in the beta's direction.

"I am also demi." Minho shrugs a shoulder casually. "You could be the hottest person on the goddamn planet, but if I don't know you and I don't have anything built with you, I couldn't care less. Big dicks don't impress me if there's not big feelings behind them."

"Get that on a t-shirt." Hyunjin points at Minho, and Jeongin hurriedly whips out his phone and opens his notes app.

"On it, hyung. Writing this down for later reference."

#skz #stray kids #stay #ot8 #skz!pack #skz!abo #poly!skz #bang chan #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #han jisung #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #y/n #lgbtq+ #queer #sexualities #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz reactions #ask the pack #askthepack #inbox #reply #ask #moots #mutuals #my submissions

[bengiyo]

Step By Step Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last week on HR Violations, Jeng made his feelings plain to Pat, and Pat was not prepared for one more emotional blow. Jeng had a complete emotional breakdown in a standpoint bit of acting from Man Trisanu. We spent much of the week unpacking exactly what happened with Pat, and determined that he’s just 25, tired, and overwhelmed. Ae had her baby, and nothing made sense from a practical standpoint. Jeng broke all of us with “It makes sense to me,” and now we’re supposed to just stroll back into this.

I still approve of Jeng doing the responsible thing and keeping his distance from Pat.

I love Chot so much. I am loving this new trend in BL about shows encouraging people to respect the feelings people are expressing, and reminding characters (and viewers) that I takes a lot of courage to express them. It’s still okay to reject people, but treat people kindly. Love Chot making the overall situation plain for Pat and confused viewers.

“It’s been eight years already. I’m used to it,” feels like a subtle commentary on BL itself. Chot has not been able to live his live a openly as he’d like with his boyfriend because the family wouldn’t approve. Coincidentally, that’s the same amount of time we’ve been in the current era of Thai BL. For all the money and interest that’s been poured into BL, lived queer experiences still face daily struggles.

 A carrot cake? Pat, please do better.

I see. The show is going to make me cry about Chot. It’s time to write an essay about Step By Step.

“It’s alright. I own this place.” Sir!!!

My man just trashed his own kitchen to get it in.

Smitten looks good on Pat.

He let me hit so I can follow back on Insta

These two have lost all composure. Hooking up in the company parking lot!

Chot is trying to cover for these two, but they are being unfortunately way too obvious.

I’m having complicated reactions to the homelessness scene. Feels like the show wants to quickly shine a lens on an issue important to the filmmakers, but it feels awkward as hell.

Hey, it looks like the Fjord project went well.

Okay, Pat’s dad is funny. I like his specific beef with Jeng. Still, I kinda hoped he’d ask harder questions like, “How is this supposed to work if you’re still his boss?”

They keep going to this one shot when they go to the bedroom that’s clearly from the closet and using Dutch angles. This feels intentionally designed to make me uneasy.

Oh they're using P' and Nong now.

Ben has a happy trail. Let me pause and collect myself.

WHERE IS THE BABY??

Did they give the hets a camera angle kiss??

Oh nevermind it was meant to cut to Pat and Jeng as a potential future.

Now you know Ae was aiming for Pat with that bouquet. She is messy like that.

Wait, so Jaab is seeing someone else now?? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get from Jaab and Jen.

Okay, we found the baby.

I like that Beam and Ae didn't touch each other, if I'm reading this right. Glad we can put this to bed.

Oh, I don't like Jeng promoting Pat into his position. That's not good for either of them.

Suddenly, a glow up for Ying?

Whoa, was not expecting this EXTREME GEN X ENERGY from Ying in Pat's corner.

"Haven't I been strong enough?" is a whole mood.

Yet another instance of BL reminding us that they both have dicks.

"I want to be happy with you." Oh, Jeng. I am also lonely in my 30s. I get it. I really do. But, my man, you cannot put this on Pat.

Pat's resignation was inevitable. Jeng, who's normally so controlled, definitely lost all composure this episode.

I'm not jumping directly into the discourse here, but I will say clearly that I am only watching through Gaga. Do not send me comments, asks, or messages about episodes only available legally through WeTV fast track. I don't subscribe to spoiler culture, but please don't be rude.

As for this episode, I feel a bit muddled. I'm going to spend some time thinking about core themes and seeing what this show actually wants to explore.

#step by step #step by step meta #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

[asherlockstudy]

So what are your thoughts on all the backpedaling RandL but mostly Link has done over the last couple of months? It felt like for a while there both of them were making so many sneaky allusions to being queer in someway, but recently (I’d say post-Sextember) it seems like they’ve kind of retracted/avoided some of that. It really felt like Link was on the brink of something before the whole butch/twink situation freaked him out.

I don’t think there’s been a lot of backpedaling per se, given that the last scripted video of the year was also one of the boldest.

The references in their other works have been indeed kind of toned down however, which might not have to do exactly with the process they have undertaken but rather with their current psychological state.

The whole butch / twink situation hit at an odd time when Link had cut on his antidepressant pills and perhaps it hit him twice as hard. Link has been called many things throughout the years (Velma, gay, fruity, Rachel Maddow, the Boy from the Businessman and the Boy scenario etc) and he has always been gracious about it, even though most of these bear some implications about his sexuality. The fact that the butch / twink was what eventually made him lose his cool could have been due to the combination of the following reasons:

He was in a phase of going cold-turkey with his prescription pills, while also supporting Christy through a hard time for her family.

It doesn’t matter that the commentator is open and accepting regarding sexualities, their phrasing about Link was demeaning. “I thought I was seeing a beautiful butch lesbian but it turns out it’s that twink from Good Mythical Morning”. They were clearly making jokes about an unnamed Link’s appearance, commenting on how he looks both like a lesbian and a twink at the same time.

It unfortunately happened based on a photo Link was very proud of. It was taken and thus approved by Rhett, it was published and thus approved by Christy and it was meaningful to him because his tattoo is dedicated to Christy and his family. So to have the comment be about butch and twink, it felt like a trivialisation of this moment for him. Don’t forget that he was also hurt in GME when some ass also said his tattoo was badly made (which is a plain untrue statement btw). This tattoo means a lot to him and he is proud of it and yet it has been the cause of some jabs or jokes at his expense.

Link might not be straight and might indeed plan to come out of the closet one day but we should remember he is a man of a different generation ; the excessive, superficial, almost compulsive use of labels that is trending nowadays might not express him correctly and he might not want it for himself. Even if he is gay or attracted to men anyway, it does not mean he views himself as a twink necessarily - I mean, he is not a twink- he is a mature middle aged man with what seems like clear preference towards establishing very committed relationships founded on very strong bonds, and being “that twink from a show” might not be what ultimately he wants to be linked to once he is out. The ease with which such descriptions are effortlessly used by others does not align to the potential inner hardship, torment and struggles he went through for decades to eventually be who he is, as he himself says. (Still, if you noticed, he reacted more poorly to being called a butch lesbian than a twink.)

I expect them to cut on the references a bit because the unresponsiveness of the audience stopped them right in their tracks. The scripted videos will come back in the likes of a series well into the year and me thinks close to summer, when - coincidentally??? - they have scheduled the live shows. Until then, perhaps there won’t be as many hints or they will once again increase gradually.

#rhink #Rhett and link #randl #anon #ask

[machihunnicutt]

HELLO!

I said I'd do this, so I'm following through. I have no more baby it's you for you this week, but I thought I'd talk a little about some of my sources/inspiration/post fic thoughts in case anyone was curious (and also because I'm knee deep in the post fic blues 🫠). All of that is under the cut:

Firstly, here are the two playlists I've made for the series:

for both sides now

and for baby it's you

I'm very drawn to songs/lyrics (if it was not already clear from these fic titles), but for baby it's you in particular I spent a lot of time listening to both big dramatic breakup songs AND yearning/reunion/wedding songs. Here are some of my favorite/most relevant lyrics:

“Down on My Knees” - Bread (very BJ, to me)

“Darling Be Home Soon” - The Lovin’ Spoonful (extremely beejhawk, to me)

Secondly, I love movies lol...

From chapter 1:

[BJ] had a daughter about to start college, a mostly renovated house in Maine that was starting to feel like his, a comfortable position at a city hospital, and a fiancé who loved him. (Hawk liked the word fiancé. He always drew it out when he said it, brandishing his ring finger like he was Barbra Streisand in Funny Girl and had some big rock on his hand instead of a simple gold band).

This performance is very Hawkeye to me. (The drama, the lounging, the jokes...finally got a guy to marry me!) Idk what else tell you besides I adore this movie.

Obligatory Judy Garland section...

From chapter 2:

“Yes. Coincidentally I’m also all nose and all eyes and all heart and all brain,” Hawkeye said. He drew his blanket tighter around himself and put his hands nearer to the stove.  “Are you going to lead me down the yellow brick road, darling?” Trapper said, smiling wide. Hawkeye shrugged. “If I could find it I would,” he said. 

And more Wizard of Oz in chapter 7:

“You know that scene in The Wizard of Oz where the scarecrow’s been tied up on a post for so long that the second he’s cut loose and tries to walk he falls over?” Hawkeye said.  “Uh huh,” Trapper said.  “The OR is my corn field, so to speak,” Hawkeye said. 

Transformative journey/quest to a city of bright lights & colors??? Where you discover home & belonging in the people around you??? Featuring beejhawk signature color red???

And one more (more Judy, different movie) from chapter 7:

“You mean St. Louis,” BJ said.  He’d seen it on a double date in college, just after New Year’s. He’d gotten a little teary eyed during the song at the end, and when Judy Garland’s sister, devastated by the prospect of moving, sobs, and wrecks all the snowmen in the yard. Judy chases her down to console her. We could be happy anywhere, as long as we’re together. That’s what she says. That’s the part that made him feel like crying. Leo teased him about it.

This is the scene he's talking about.

The other movie in chapter 7:

“I mean Las Vegas. Meet Me in Las Vegas. You took me to see it. I remember because we left Erin with Susan Meyers’ girl, Olivia? And she spilled soda all over my nice table cloth,” Peg said. “Oh,” BJ said, distracted. He sipped his drink. It was beer. He was taking it slow. He wasn’t going to do something stupid like get drunk and make a scene. They weren’t near the bar, but he couldn’t help but scan the crowds anyway, looking and listening for Hawk. “It’s about a rancher and a ballerina. The rancher is a gambler, but he doesn’t have any luck until he meets her. Every time they hold hands, he wins big,” Peg said.

This one is on YouTube! And there's lots of handholding!

Thirdly, books:

From chapter 9:

Hawkeye had friends everywhere, and a couple were up to date on the gay bar scene in Las Vegas. One of his old med school pals worked in a hospital out here and said that if they couldn’t make it to the big three Vegas gay spots, they’d better at least go to Le Café. 

I am not much of a researcher, but I did refer to Out of the Neon Closet: Queer Community in the Silver State by Dennis McBride & the accompanying photo book LGBTQ Las Vegas for information about Vegas' gay bar scene. Here's more info about/photos of Le Café.

AND:

Erin, Benny, & Fern's summer escapades (and Benny's character in particular) were inspired in part by A Separate Peace (which I believe I've referenced in fic before?? Someday I'll stop, but today's not that day). Here are some Benny & Erin related lines:

From chapter 3:

The mother blinked at Benny. He was striking, Erin reasoned, when you first got a look at him: shock of red hair, perpetually windswept, splatter of freckles over his face and up his arms, emerald green eyes, thick, expressive eyebrows, lopsided nose, deep, rolling, voice that didn’t have any note of falsity. Benny was a senior counselor, which meant he was older, and in charge of the junior counselors. He was 20. All of the female junior counselors had crushes on him, according to Fern, who was surprised when Erin admitted that she thought Benny was plenty nice and smart, but he didn’t make her heart pound. The male junior counselors resented him, and the envious masses spread rumors.  One such rumor was that Benny was a homosexual.

And from A Separate Peace:

From chapter 6:

She thought, floating on her back, that maybe this was one of those formative experiences everyone was always telling her about. Her teeth chattered, and Benny was laughing loudly from the shore, despite the fact that he’d been telling her that it was imperative that they keep quiet. Erin wondered if Hawkeye had ever had a summer like this, or Dad, or Mom, or Margaret: a summer where it felt like everyone was against you, and you couldn’t be bothered to care. 

And from A Separate Peace, again:

I think about this passage constantly 😀‼️

COOL! That's all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading. Peace, love, MASH, etc. <3

#baby it’s you #bsneu #awi’s fic #trying to get better at talking about writing 👍🏼 #awi speaks

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Oooh, ask game! I am also looking for distractions, yet cannot focus enough to get absorbed in anything, so let's go! (Obviously only answer as much or as little of this as you feel like):

I feel like I've read your answers to most of the actual asks before. Maybe not 🪄?

I'd love to request Bishova ficlets, but have no prompts to offer.

You mentioned reading up on experiences of recognizing one's orientation later in life - were there any stories that especially stayed with you, or any common threads that surprised you?

What to share any thoughts on Becca's post-US life?

Yes after I posted it I realized I may have posted it already. And yay distractions!

what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

Oh my gosh. Well Unpredictable Synchronicity has been my most popular fic by far so reading the comments and replying has been a nice way to fill their weirdness. It's definitely a big nervous energy! I do write my author's notes with random reflections and try to be reflect in how I grew with the fic.

You mentioned reading up on experiences of recognizing one's orientation later in life - were there any stories that especially stayed with you, or any common threads that surprised you?

This won't surprise anyone but there is a lot of shame around virginity which is awful. I was a bit of a late bloomer and didn't kiss anyone till my second semester of college (and then got mono/Epstein Barr from the first person I kissed, fucking classic) and I was very anxious about my sexual inexperience to the point that I had panic attacks (this was in a soup with US Evangelical Purity culture which I am a survivor of that - like 1. Why haven't I had sexual experiences am I unlovable and 2. If I have sexual experiences I am an unlovable monster)(lalala).

So I really like exploring virginity in my fics because it is so vulnerable and it's a lovely fun thing to write first times. The thing I learned when I was in my sluttier phase is that some people are better at kissing and sex than others and experience is not always a factor in that. ANYWAY! That's not what you asked.

So my favorite stories where very much like Steve's which were like "I never really let myself think about sex for (life reasons and/or because I was queer) and then I started yearning for it and was really nervous and now I feel really good about my sex life" - some of these people were 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 etc when they acknowledged that part of themselves, which is both very sad because usually it's because they were queer and closeted but also lovely they found this new source of joy! That's what I was looking for - examples of people who had for various reasons ignored their sexuality because that's how I pictured Steve and I wanted to see first hand examples of that.

I didn't want it to be like Bucky was so handsome he magically gave Steve a sexuality but more like Steve is finally in a place where he can go to a hierarchy of needs beyond survival, and also in a place where he can be more subconsciously comfortable acknowledging that he finds men attractive, and he starts to be curious about the sexual side of himself.

So to make sure I wasn't falling into that cliche I wanted to read about real people who had a similar arc.

Bucky is coincidentally nearby and very interesting to Steve as he starts to slowly realize his body maybe isn't just for fighting Nazis. I think if Bucky hadn't turned up Steve would have dated someone else and still come out of the closet because he was going down that rabbit hole.

Another trend is I wish more people had the asexual label available to them as many stories to me read as Ace (aka lots of stories like I am 40 and never had sex and honestly don't care or want to am I broken? No you aren't!). Like we need to acknowledge that sex is not the only interesting thing in life and it's really normal if people don't do it or rarely do.

Another trend is obviously lookism, and people saying they aren't conventionally attractive enough to attract a partner which is a whole thing I want to acknowledge but don't have the spoons to write about because waaaahhh the world sucks.

A last trend is sexual trauma. I have a friend who had a lot of severe sexual trauma and no interest in sex. Her first husband was asexual which was a great fit for her. But they divorced and now she is trying to find her place in that and her sexuality with a new partner who she is shocked to realize she wants to have sex with in her early 40s but her body is also terrified of sex so it's a whole thing.

Anyway, to me sex is like food. People build shrines to food and get really into it, and honestly I do not know why it's so boring. I fucking hate cooking and find eating a chore. Except when I don't. I occasionally enjoy a really good meal. I love Thai but don't really feel sad if I go a year without eating it.

So that is seen as fairly normal re: food, but people who feel a similar ambivalence towards sex are seen as really missing out and I think that is dumb.

This is a VERY long way of answering your question but those were some of the themes.

What to share any thoughts on Becca's post-US life?

I think Becca stays single for a long time. I kept trying to imagine her with different partners and none of them stuck. She has a great career and awesome friends and she and Bucky stay roommates and Bucky and Steve split their time between the Tower and Bucky's house for pretty much forever.

#writer ask game #writer thoughts #writer asks #Ask games #zenaida talks (too much) #Sex is very complicated

[skepticalarrie]

So Louis record label lets larries know that larry is real by posting art that larries claim is about larry and at the same time the same team forces him to fake being a father for five years and counting? How does that work? No larrie answered yet

Well, have you asked any larrie before though? It’s not hard to understand and it’s all thanks to... you! :) Both Harry and Louis are able to have a good amount of creative control on their careers because antis/non-believers exist. Funnily enough your disbelief is what gives them "freedom" to communicate throughout their music videos, lyrics, tweets, clothing or any other form of communication they have been using for the past decade. That's actually called plausible deniability and H&L are the kings of doing that. As long as non-believers have a plausible argument to everything they do, they don't have to justify their original and truth intentions behind anything. As long as they keep collaborating with stunts to a certain level, and as long as you keep calling larries delulu, it's all good. 

For example, when they keep the line "meet you at your uni" in a song, they're feeding the stunt - even though the rest of the song doesn't really make much sense on his heterosexual relationship with Eleanor. If Louis throws the word "girl" when talking about Too Young, they're feeding his closeting - even though he's also saying in the same breath he met the person he's going to spend the rest of his life at 18. The same when he throws things like Princess Park in a song and justify saying the song is about his job and his love life and he lived there with the band  - even though Eleanor and One Direction are subjects that have no connection between them, it only connects with Harry and how he lived in Princess Park with him. 

So that's pretty much it anon, as long as you keep telling yourselves Louis had absolutely nothing to do with those fan arts or with the H on his t-shirt - it was all coincidental - and dismissing everything it doesn't necessarily adds up to the "official" story… they will keep not only feeding the rumours but also encouraging larries. And no one is saying the team picking the artworks are also the same people keeping them closeted, when we talk about closeting we're talking about an entire industry and the implications of being queer in that scenario, and not their teams necessarily. Either way, we're not going anywhere. So, well done. 

#but did you really want the answer anon? #because I don't think you did #you're willing to dismiss this like everything else #plausible deniability

[starbright-cobweb]

i'm also having my semi-regular Community Depression, like tonight i want to dress up and go out

(out? out where? it's probably San Francisco c.1973, but I'd settle for Avebury, or anywhere)

it's about getting to exist for a little while.

i wish i knew how to stop feeling so glassy and raw about what happened; it still feels like such a before-and-after, from feeling like an active queer subject who was alive and inhabiting a world, back to (what feels to me like) a closeted and teenage space of, "maybe I'll just read the books about what other people have done and consume the art that other people have created by participating in scenes".

Which isn't coincidental, I think. there are lots of factors to the way community abuse manifests, but in part it's about control of access to resources (and the power that having power over that access gives you to wield over others). So it seems like a natural following-on: the promise of a participatory space which in practice is a "be a consumer and supporter of somebody else's career" space, a disempowering experience. From the promise of mutual aid and organising as a liberationary experience, even if you never really accomplish much, because experiencing certain kinds of connections and newly-imagined ways of being is itself a relief from the kyriarchical world. But you lose that - because Being An Activist is itself a resource, a sort of main character role for people who want to publish their books and then sell out and be consultants or professors in their 40s or w/e - and a thing like that cannot be shared; you lose the radical possibility of non-hierarchical spaces, and go back to mean girls with an undercut. If to be queer is also to be a radical, be politically engaged, and be in community - well, people have the power to just strip that from you, and then what are you?

i come back to this a lot: the difficulty of existing without interaction, and without foundation. it's a form of nonexistance. As a queer person, you sort of...only exist when being looked at. It's a social experience, after all. i don't endorse this argument, but do you remember "bi women can't be butch because butch is a situational role only exists in the concept of butch-femme cruising in bars in 1959?". I think it's a bit like that: it's hard to exist in a social role when there's nobody around to recognise you in it. And other queer people represent the only people by whom you can be seen.

& so knowing real world queer spaces to be dangerous - knowing that in your gut - it does represent a very real loss of identity, it transcends the material problems of "how do i make it without support from others?" into something very internal, very interior, a lost world and a lost self.

anyway, this essay is good, although it's not about that at all; but there's related stuff about how if one vector of inclusion and seen-ness is activist and/or social spaces, the other is sex - how important that process of being seen through play and intimacy - and how much i would like that, but also to never be touched or speak to another human being again (because community abuse, of course, incorporates both).

there's emotional components, but also practical ones like: there's every indication that the scene locally is as messed up as my old one - this isn't a failure mode, it's how these scenes naturally occur; and I'm in no fit state, really, to date or cruise or anything. A burdensome self-awareness: one can know oneself too well; other people are not there as a vehicle for your temporary self-actualisation needs (but one can be very sure that half the people on my app are basically doing the same thing; great polycules have been built on less)

I want to wear the most attractive jeans and stroll along the street as the sun goes down, and feel Acknowledged and Present somewhere, and to breathe in how nice it is to exist.

#community values

[to-read-or-not-to-read3088]

70+ disabled, neurodiverse and chronically ill authors COLLAB

This post is in collaboration with several other bloggers whose links are included here:

Artie Carden

Anniek

Hi! It’s been a while since I posted anything, but this post has been a month in the making. I have twenty books by twenty authors for my part in this collaboration, and you can check out the other parts of the collab with the links at the top of the post.

I haven’t read some of these books but almost all of them are on my to be read pile, and I did extensive research to make sure I got this right, but please let me know if there are any mistakes or if anything needs to be corrected.

1. Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee

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Meet Cute Diary follows Noah Ramirez who thinks he’s an expert on romance. He must be for his blog, the Meet Cute Diary, a collection of trans happily ever afters. There’s just one problem. All the stories are fake. What started off as the fantasies of a trans boy who was afraid to step out of the closet has grown into a beacon of hope for trans readers across the globe. Noah’s world unravels when a troll exposes the blog as fiction, and the only way to save the Diary is to convince everyone that the stories are true, but he doesn’t have any proof. That’s when Drew walks into Noah’s life, and the pieces fall into place. Drew is willing to fake date Noah to save the Diary. But when Noah’s feelings grow beyond their staged romance, he realises that dating in real life isn’t the same as finding love on the page.

The author, Emery Lee, is a kid lit author, artist and YouTuber hailing from a mixed racial background. After graduating with a degree in creative writing, e’s gone on to author novels, short stories and webcomics. When away from reading and writing, you’ll likely find em engaged in art or snuggling with cute dogs.

Emery Lee is nonbinary, and uses e/em pronouns, and e’s debut book, Meet Cute Diary, features a side character who is also nonbinary (and asexual!). Emery is also neurodivergent, and frequently speaks about what its like being a writer with adhd on twitter.

Meet Cute Diary is a book I only discovered last month, when it was published, but I’m excited to read it. It has representation of all kinds, and I love any book that has even a little mention of an asexual character because its so rare to see.

2. Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

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At Niveus Private Academy money paves the hallways, and the students are never less than perfect. Until now. Because an anonymous texter calling themselves Aces, is bringing two students’ dark secrets to light. Devon, a talented musician, buries himself in rehearsals, but he can’t escape the spotlight when his private photos go public. Chiamaka, head girl, isn’t afraid to get what she wants, but soon everyone will know the price she has paid for power. Someone is out to get them both. Someone who holds all the aces. And they’re planning much more than a high school game.

Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé, is the author of the instant New York Times and IndieBound bestseller, Ace of Spades, billed as ‘Get out meets Gossip Girl’. Entertainment Weekly has called it “this summer’s hottest YA debut”. She was born and raised in Croydon, South London, and Faridah moved to the Scottish Highlands for her undergraduate degree where she completed a BA in English Literature. She has established and runs and mentorship scheme for unagented writers of colour, helping them on their journey to get published. Faridah has also written for NME, The Bookseller, Readers Digest and gal-dem.

Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé’s book is one that I pre-ordered months in advance, after discovering that I actually really liked this sub-genre of YA, and although I still haven’t read it yet (sorry!), I’m still super excited to dive into it. From what I hear, it has some gay rep, which we all know by now is something I seek out in my books.

3. Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses by Kristen O’Neal

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Priya has worked hard to pursue her pre med dreams at Stanford, but a diagnosis of chronic Lyme disease during her sophomore year sends her straight back to her loving but overbearing family in New Jersey and leaves her wondering if she’ll ever be able to return to the way things were. Thankfully she has her online pen pal, Brigid, and the rest of the members of “oof ouch my bones,” a virtual support group that meets on Discord to crack jokes and vent about their own chronic illnesses. When Brigid suddenly goes offline, Priya does something very out of character; she steals the family car and drives to Pennsylvania to check on Brigid. Priya isn’t sure what to expect, but it isn’t the creature that’s shut in the basement. With Brigid nowhere in sight, Priya begins to puzzle together an impossible but obvious truth: the creature might be werewolf – and the werewolf might be Brigid. As Brigid’s unique condition worsens, their friendship will be deepened and challenged in unexpected ways, forcing them to reckon with their own ideas of what it means to be normal.

Kristen O’Neal is a freelance writer who’s written for sites like Buzzfeed Reader, Christianity Today, Birth.Movies.Death, LitHub and Electric Literature. She writes about faith, culture, and unexplained phenomena. Her debut novel, Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses is based on her own experiences with being chronically ill. Kristen has two autoimmune disorders and “a number of other problems and issues” with her body. According to her website, she is doing much better than she used to, but still has flares somewhat regularly.

I cannot describe the feeling of seeing a published book with the best group chat name I have ever seen. Oof ouch my bones is absolutely something that I would be part of if it really existed, because its just such a mood, and funny at the same time. I pre ordered this book too, but like all the others, I still haven’t gotten around to reading it. I’m super excited about it though and cannot recommend it enough.

4. Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales

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Will Tavares is the dream summer fling – he’s fun, affectionate, kind – but just when Ollie thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After, summer vacation ends, and Will stops texting Ollie back. Now Ollie is one prince short of his fairy tale ending, and to complicate the fairy tale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country. Which he minds a little less when he realises it’s the same school Will goes to…except Ollie finds out that the sweet, comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted – and to be honest, a jerk. Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, especially since this new, bro-y jock version of Will seems to go from hot to cold every other week. But then Will starts “coincidentally” popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, and Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again. Right? Right.

Sophie Gonzales was born and raised in Whyalla, South Australia, where the Outback Meets the Sea. She now lives in Melbourne, where there’s no outback in sight. Sophie’s been writing since the age of five, when her mother decided to help her type out one of the stories she had come up with in the bathtub. They ran into artistic differences when five-year-old Sophie insisted that everybody die in the end, while her mother wanted the characters to simply go out for a milkshake. Since then, Sophie has been completing her novels without a transcript. Sophie Gonzales tweets about her experiences with ADHD on her twitter.

Only mostly devasted is one of the few books on this list that I’ve read. I read the whole thing in one sitting because I just couldn’t put it down, which is weird because I normally don’t read contemporary at all. I have recommended this book to literally everyone I know, and even bought my best friend a copy to convince her to read it.

5. The Bone Houses by Emily Lloyd Jones

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Seventeen-year-old Aderyn ("Ryn") only cares about two things: her family, and her family's graveyard. And right now, both are in dire straits. Since the death of their parents, Ryn and her siblings have been scraping together a meagre existence as gravediggers in the remote village of Colbren, which sits at the foot of a harsh and deadly mountain range that was once home to the fae. The problem with being a gravedigger in Colbren, though, is that the dead don't always stay dead. The risen corpses are known as "bone houses," and legend says that they're the result of a decades-old curse. When Ellis, an apprentice mapmaker with a mysterious past, arrives in town, the bone houses attack with new ferocity. What is it that draws them near? And more importantly, how can they be stopped for good? Together, Ellis and Ryn embark on a journey that will take them deep into the heart of the mountains, where they will have to face both the curse and the long-hidden truths about themselves.

Emily Lloyd-Jones grew up on a vineyard in rural Oregon, where she played in evergreen forests and learned to fear sheep. After graduating from Western Oregon University with an English degree, she enrolled in the publishing program at Rosemont College just outside of Philadelphia. She currently resides in Northern California.

Another book on my to be read pile that I’m super excited to read, but still haven’t gotten around to. This one features disability rep, but because I haven’t read it, I don’t know much more, sorry guys.

6. Mooncakes by Susanne Walker and Wendy Xu

📷Nova Huang knows more about magic than your average teen witch. She works at her grandmothers' bookshop, where she helps them loan out spell books and investigate any supernatural occurrences in their New England town. One fateful night, she follows reports of a white wolf into the woods, and she comes across the unexpected: her childhood crush, Tam Lang, battling a horse demon in the woods. As a werewolf, Tam has been wandering from place to place for years, unable to call any town home. Pursued by dark forces eager to claim the magic of wolves and out of options, Tam turns to Nova for help. Their latent feelings are rekindled against the backdrop of witchcraft, untested magic, occult rituals, and family ties both new and old in this enchanting tale of self-discovery.

Suzanne Walker is a Chicago-based writer and editor. She is co-creator of the Hugo-nominated graphic novel Mooncakes (2019, Lion Forge/Oni Press). Her short fiction has been published in Clarkesworld and Uncanny Magazine, and she has published nonfiction articles with Uncanny Magazine, StarTrek.com, Women Write About Comics, and the anthology Barriers and Belonging: Personal Narratives of Disability. She has spoken at numerous conventions on a variety of topics ranging from disability representation in sci-fi/fantasy to comics collaboration.

Wendy Xu is a Brooklyn-based illustrator and comics artist. She is co-creator of and currently draws the webcomic Mooncakes. Her work has been featured on Tor.com, as part of the Chinese American: Exclusion/Inclusion exhibit permanently housed at the Chinese Historical Society of America, and in Shattered: The Asian American Comics Anthology. She occasionally teaches at the Asian American Writers Workshop and currently works as an assistant editor curating young adult and children’s books.

Suzanne Walker suffers from hearing loss, something that she wrote into her graphic novel, Mooncakes, making Nova hard of hearing. I read this in a few years ago as an advance reader copy for Netgalley and it was honestly one of the best graphic novels I have ever read. The main characters are Chinese American, queer AND magic, which is an amazing combination of representation.

7. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

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Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can’t pull it off alone… A convict with a thirst for revenge A sharpshooter who can’t walk away from a wager A runaway with a privileged past A spy known as the Wraith A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes Kaz’s crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don’t kill each other first.

Leigh Bardugo is a #1 New York Times bestselling author of fantasy novels and the creator of the Grishaverse (now a Netflix original series) which spans the Shadow and Bone Trilogy, the Six of Crows Duology, The Language of Thorns, and King of Scars—with more to come. Her short stories can be found in multiple anthologies, including the Best American Science Fiction & Fantasy. Her other works include Wonder Woman: Warbringer and Ninth House (Goodreads Choice Winner for Best Fantasy 2019) which is being developed for television by Amazon Studios.

Leigh grew up in Southern California and graduated from Yale University. These days she lives and writes in Los Angeles.

In the acknowledgements section of Six of Crows, Bardugo reveals she suffers from osteonecrosis and sometimes needs to use a cane; this was a source of inspiration for one of the story's six protagonists, master thief and gang boss Kaz Brekker, who uses a cane.

I read Six of Crows a few years ago and I really loved it. I’m not going to pretend I managed to finish the whole Grishaverse series, because I haven’t even gotten close yet, but it really showed Kaz’s struggles with his disability, and his mental health. This is part of a duology, and the duology is part of a large series of books with another duology and trilogy, but Six of Crows can be read without reading the others.

8. Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh

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This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative--like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it--but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So, I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars* Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness* *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!

Allie is an American blogger, writer and comic artist best known for her blog in the form of a webcomic Hyperbole and a Half. Brosh started Hyperbole in 2009 and told stories from her life in a mix of text and intentionally crude illustrations. She has published two books telling stories in the same style, both of which have been New York Times bestsellers. Brosh lives with severe depression and ADHD, and her comics on depression have won praise from fans and mental health professionals.

Another book on my tbr that I just haven’t gotten around to but really want to.

9. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

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What if you aren’t the Chosen One? The one who’s supposed to fight the zombies, or the soul-eating ghosts, or whatever the heck this new thing is, with the blue lights and the death? What if you’re like Mikey? Who just wants to graduate and go to prom and maybe finally work up the courage to ask Henna out before someone goes and blows up the high school. Again. Because sometimes there are problems bigger than this week’s end of the world, and sometimes you just must find the extraordinary in your ordinary life. Even if your best friend is worshipped by mountain lions...

Patrick Ness, an award-winning novelist, has written for England’s Radio 4 and Sunday Telegraph and is a literary critic for The Guardian. He has written many books, including the Chaos Walking Trilogy, The Crash of Hennington, Topics About Which I Know Nothing, and A Monster Calls. He has won numerous awards, including the Guardian Children’s Fiction Prize, the Booktrust Teenage Prize, and the Costa Children’s Book Award. Born in Virginia, he currently lives in London.

Patrick Ness has written about OCD and anxiety in at least two of his books, inspired by his own experiences with the two disorders and how it affects him (The Rest of Us Just Live Here & Release)

10. Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire

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Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children No Solicitations No Visitors No Quests Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else. But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children. Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world. But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter. No matter the cost.

Seanan lives in an idiosyncratically designed labyrinth in the Pacific Northwest, which she shares with her cats, Alice and Thomas, a vast collection of creepy dolls and horror movies, and sufficient books to qualify her as a fire hazard. She has strongly held and oft-expressed beliefs about the origins of the Black Death, the X-Men, and the need for chainsaws in daily life.

Years of writing blurbs for convention program books have fixed Seanan in the habit of writing all her bios in the third person, to sound marginally less dorky. Stress is on the "marginally." It probably doesn't help that she has so many hobbies.

Seanan was the winner of the 2010 John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer, and her novel Feed (as Mira Grant) was named as one of Publishers Weekly's Best Books of 2010. In 2013 she became the first person ever to appear five times on the same Hugo Ballot.

Seanan McGuire has an invisible disability due to herniated disks in her spine. She is slowly coming to terms with this, and talks about it occasionally on her twitter, and about the struggles she faces.

I loved this book, and so did my best friend. We both read it in one sitting and talked nonstop about it afterwards. Although short, its filled with amazing characters, plot, and representation (asexual character!!)

11. Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

Each year, eight beautiful girls are chosen as Paper Girls to serve the king. It's the highest honour they could hope for...and the most demeaning. This year, there's a ninth. And instead 📷of paper, she's made of fire. In this richly developed fantasy, Lei is a member of the Paper caste, the lowest and most persecuted class of people in Ikhara. She lives in a remote village with her father, where the decade-old trauma of watching her mother snatched by royal guards for an unknown fate still haunts her. Now, the guards are back and this time it's Lei they're after -- the girl with the golden eyes whose rumoured beauty has piqued the king's interest. Over weeks of training in the opulent but oppressive palace, Lei and eight other girls learns the skills and charm that befit a king's consort. There, she does the unthinkable -- she falls in love. Her forbidden romance becomes enmeshed with an explosive plot that threatens her world's entire way of life. Lei, still the wide-eyed country girl at heart, must decide how far she's willing to go for justice and revenge.

Natasha Ngan is a writer and yoga teacher. She grew up between Malaysia, where the Chinese side of her family is from, and the UK. This multicultural upbringing continues to influence her writing, and she is passionate about bringing diverse stories to teens. Ngan studied Geography at the University of Cambridge before working as a social media consultant and fashion blogger. She lives in France with her partner, where they recently moved from Paris to be closer to the sea. Her novel Girls of Paper and Fire was a New York Times bestseller. Natasha has a heart condition, and talks about her struggles with her health, and gives updates on her health and her books on twitter.

I’ve heard a lot about this book, but for trigger warning reasons it sadly isn’t on my to be read list. Everything I’ve heard about it says its an amazing book though, and the cover is beautiful.

12. Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde

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Three friends, two love stories, one convention: this fun, feminist love letter to geek culture is all about fandom, friendship, and finding the courage to be yourself. Charlie likes to stand out. She’s a vlogger and actress promoting her first movie at SupaCon, and this is her chance to show fans she’s over her public breakup with co-star Reese Ryan. When internet-famous cool-girl actress Alyssa Huntington arrives as a surprise guest, it seems Charlie’s long-time crush on her isn’t as one-sided as she thought. Taylor likes to blend in. Her brain is wired differently, making her fear change. And there’s one thing in her life she knows will never change: her friendship with her best guy friend Jamie—no matter how much she may secretly want it to. But when she hears about a fan contest for her favourite fandom, she starts to rethink her rules on playing it safe.

Jen Wilde is the YA author of QUEENS OF GEEK, THE BRIGHTSIDERS and GOING OFF SCRIPT. She writes unapologetically queer stories about geeks, rockstars, and fangirls who smash the patriarchy in their own unique ways. Her books have been praised in Teen Vogue, Buzzfeed, Autostraddle, Vulture and Bustle. Originally from Australia, Jen now lives in NYC where she spends her time writing, drinking too much coffee and binging reality TV.

Researching for this collab was the first time this book popped up on my radar as something I might be interested in reading. Jen Wilde, the author, is herself autistic and suffers from anxiety, which gives the narrative “authenticity that is lacking in similar books” according to socialjusticebooks.org.

13. The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

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Seventeen-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso knows all about unrequited love—she’s lived through it twenty-six times. She crushes hard and crushes often, but always in secret. Because no matter how many times her twin sister, Cassie, tells her to woman up, Molly can’t stomach the idea of rejection. So, she’s careful. Fat girls always have to be careful. Then a cute new girl enters Cassie’s orbit, and for the first time ever, Molly’s cynical twin is a lovesick mess. Meanwhile, Molly’s totally not dying of loneliness—except for the part where she is. Luckily, Cassie’s new girlfriend comes with a cute hipster-boy sidekick. Will is funny and flirtatious and just might be perfect crush material. Maybe more than crush material. And if Molly can win him over, she’ll get her first kiss and she’ll get her twin back. There’s only one problem: Molly’s co-worker Reid. He’s an awkward Tolkien superfan with a season pass to the Ren Faire, and there’s absolutely no way Molly could fall for him. Right?

Becky Albertalli is the author of the acclaimed novels Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (film: Love, Simon), The Upside of Unrequited, and Leah on the Offbeat. She is also the co-author of What If It's Us with Adam Silvera. A former clinical psychologist who specialized in working with children and teens, Becky lives with her family in Atlanta.

Becky Albertalli has generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), and has spoken about it in several interviews, which you can find online. She has also written several characters in her books who also suffer with anxiety. Her first book, Simon vs the Homosapien’s Agenda (or Love, Simon), is the only book of hers that I have read so far, and I loved it. It was the first contemporary book that I read and actually enjoyed.

14. Carve the Mark by Veronica Roth

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Cyra is the sister of the brutal tyrant who rules the Shotet people. Cyra’s current gift gives her pain and power—something her brother exploits, using her to torture his enemies. But Cyra is much more than just a blade in her brother’s hand: she is resilient, quick on her feet, and smarter than he knows. Akos is the son of a farmer and an oracle from the frozen nation-planet of Thuvhe. Protected by his unusual currentgift, Akos is generous in spirit, and his loyalty to his family is limitless. Once Akos and his brother are captured by enemy Shotet soldiers, Akos is desperate to get his brother out alive—no matter what the cost. Then Akos is thrust into Cyra's world, and the enmity between their countries and families seems insurmountable. Will they help each other to survive, or will they destroy one another?

Veronica Roth is the #1 New York Times best-selling author of the Divergent series (Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant, and Four: A Divergent Collection), the Carve the Mark duology (Carve the Mark, the Fates Divide), The End and Other Beginnings collection of short fiction, and many short stories and essays. Her first book for adult audiences, Chosen Ones, is out now. She lives in Chicago.

Veronica Roth suffers from anxiety, like a lot of the authors on this list, and talks about it in interviews. A quote from one: "I've had an anxiety disorder my whole life, so I've been to therapy on and off throughout, before books and after books. I went back and tried to talk through some of the things I was feeling and experiencing, and it was helpful."

I’ve never read any of her books, not even the hugely famous Divergent trilogy, though they’ve been on my radar for years. I’d love to get into her books at some point, but it might take me a few years.

15. How to be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe

📷An urgent, funny, shocking, and impassioned memoir by the winner of the Spectrum Art Prize 2018, How To Be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe presents the rarely shown point of view of someone living with autism. Poe’s voice is confident, moving and often funny, as they reveal to us a very personal account of autism, mental illness, gender and sexual identity. As we follow Charlotte’s journey through school and college, we become as awestruck by their extraordinary passion for life as by the enormous privations that they must undergo to live it. From food and fandom to body modification and comic conventions, Charlotte’s experiences through the torments of schooldays and young adulthood leave us with a riot of conflicting emotions: horror, empathy, despair, laugh-out-loud amusement and, most of all, respect. For Charlotte, autism is a fundamental aspect of their identity and art. They address the reader in a voice that is direct, sharply clever and ironic. They witness their own behaviour with a wry humour as they sympathise with those who care for them, yet all the while challenging the neurotypical narratives of autism as something to be ‘fixed’. This is an exuberant, inspiring, life-changing insight into autism from a viewpoint almost entirely missing from public discussion. ‘I wanted to show the side of autism that you don’t find in books and on Facebook. My story is about survival, fear and, finally, hope. There will be parts that make you want to cover your eyes, but I beg you to read on, because if I can change just one person’s perceptions, if I can help one person with autism feel like they’re less alone, then this will all be worth it.’ Charlotte Amelia Poe is a self-taught artist and writer living in Lowestoft, Suffolk. They also work with video and won the inaugural Spectrum Art Prize with the film they submitted, 'How to Be Autistic’. Myriad published Charlotte's memoir, How to Be Autistic, in September 2019.

Another book I didn’t know about until researching for this post, but I really want to read it because I haven’t read many books about autism, and practically none of them were actually written by someone who actually is autistic. Charlotte uses they/them pronouns.

16. Ask me about my Uterus by Abby Norman

📷

For any woman who has experienced illness, chronic pain, or endometriosis comes an inspiring memoir advocating for recognition of women's health issues In the fall of 2010, Abby Norman's strong dancer's body dropped forty pounds and grey hairs began to sprout from her temples. She was repeatedly hospitalized in excruciating pain, but the doctors insisted it was a urinary tract infection and sent her home with antibiotics. Unable to get out of bed, much less attend class, Norman dropped out of college and embarked on what would become a years-long journey to discover what was wrong with her. It wasn't until she took matters into her own hands--securing a job in a hospital and educating herself over lunchtime reading in the medical library--that she found an accurate diagnosis of endometriosis. In Ask Me About My Uterus, Norman describes what it was like to have her pain dismissed, to be told it was all in her head, only to be taken seriously when she was accompanied by a boyfriend who confirmed that her sexual performance was, indeed, compromised. Putting her own trials into a broader historical, sociocultural, and political context, Norman shows that women's bodies have long been the battleground of a never-ending war for power, control, medical knowledge, and truth. It's time to refute the belief that being a woman is a pre-existing condition.

Abby Norman’s debut book, ASK ME ABOUT MY UTERUS: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain, was published by Bold Type Books (Hachette Book Group) in 2018, with advance praise from Gillian Anderson, Lindsey Fitzharris, Jenny Lawson, and Padma Lakshmi.

The book was praised by The New York Times Book Review, The Wall Street Journal, New York Magazine, The Washington Post, The Sunday Times, The Irish Times, Literary Review, The Times Literary Supplement, The New Republic, Book Riot, Toronto Star, ELLE, Health Magazine, Undark Magazine, BUST Magazine, Bitch Magazine, Ms. Magazine, BBC Radio 5, and other international media outlets.

​In 2019, the paperback edition was published in the U.S. and the Korean translation in Seoul (Momento Publishing/Duran Kim Agency).

​Her work has been featured in Harper’s, Medium, The Independent, Literary Hub, The Rumpus, Mental Floss, Atlas Obscura, and elsewhere. Interviews and profiles have been seen and heard, including NPR/WNYC, BBC, Anchor.fm, The New York Times, Playboy, Forbes, Glamour, Women’s Health, and Bitch Magazine.

Abby Norman suffers from endometriosis, which was a large part of why she wrote her book, and why she advocates so hard for fellow patients at conferences such as Stanford University’s Stanford Medicine X and the Endometriosis Foundation of America’s medical conference and Patient Day. She is

Abby has served on technical expert panels including the National Partnership for Women and Families’ CORE Network (Yale University), the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), the Centres for Medicare and Medicaid, The Society for Women’s Health Research (SWHR), and Health Affairs.

​In 2019, Abby contributed to a paper addressing research gaps and unmet needs in endometriosis published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

This book is definitely one I will be adding to my to be read list, as someone who (unfortunately) also has a uterus, it is important to be informed. And Abby sounds like such a badass who wrote a whole book about her chronic illness to help others with the same condition.

17. Stim: Autistic Anthology by Lizzie Huxley-Jones

📷

Around one in one hundred people in the UK are autistic, yet there remains a fundamental misunderstanding of what autism is. It is rare that autistic people get to share their own experiences, show how creative and talented and passionate they are, how different they are from media stereotypes. This insightful and eye-opening collection of essays, fiction and visual art showcases the immense talents of some of the UK's most exciting writers and artists - who just happen to be on the spectrum. Here they reclaim the power to speak for themselves and redefine what it means to be autistic. Stim invites the reader into the lives, experiences, minds of the eighteen contributors, and asks them to recognise the hurdles of being autistic in a non-autistic world and to uncover the empathy and understanding necessary to continue to champion brilliant yet unheard voices.

Lizzie (Hux) Huxley-Jones is an autistic author and editor based in London. They are the editor of Stim, an anthology of autistic authors and artists, which was published by Unbound in April 2020 to coincide with World Autism Awareness Week. They are also the author of the children’s biography Sir David Attenborough: A Life Story. They can be found editing at independent micropublisher 3 of Cups Press, and they also advise writers as a freelance sensitivity reader and consultant. In their past career lives, they have been a research diver, a children’s bookseller and digital communications specialist.

I wasn’t even aware that there was an anthology out there by an autistic author, about autism, but now that I do I need to read it.

18. Chimera by Jaecyn Bonê

📷

Creatures unlike you've imagined before! Welcome to a world where myths and legends collide to create a new breed of monster. Savage and soulful, these monstrosities combine to form the mighty Chimera. In this anthology, talented writers weave 10 tales of fantastical beasts. Featuring stories by: Matt Bliss Jaecyn Boné Alexis L. Carroll Chris Durston Dewi Hargreaves Stephen Howard Samuel Logan Vincent Metzo Braden Rohl Michelle Tang

Jaecyn is a queer, non-binary, disabled Asian-American writer and digital artist fascinated by faeries.

Most of their writing involves wlw romance and faery-inspired creatures. Their first novel, Farzana's Spite is a 10-year-old work in progress and the first novel in The Faerth series. Other works include The Killing Song (novel) and Colour Unknown (short), both of which are also part of the Faerth universe.

Jaecyn's art can be described as a neorealistic pop art style with cel shading. They began their digital art journey with a 5-year-old refurbished iPad using their finger as a stylus and immediately fell in love. They do digital download commissions as well as sell prints of their artwork.

Jaecyn is the Co-Editor in Chief of the Limeoncello Magazine, an online Own Voices literary magazine which debuted its first issue on March 21st, 2021.

When not writing, drawing, or chasing after their two children, they can be found either gardening or practicing their ukulele.

None of Jaecyn Boné’s books are published yet as they are still in the stage of querying, but they contributed to the above anthology, along with nine other authors. I had no idea that this anthology existed, and now I’ll be closely following this author to see when their books get published!

19. Forest of Souls by Lori M Lee

Sirscha Ashwyn comes from nothing, but she’s intent on becoming something. After years of training to become the queen’s next royal spy, her plans are derailed when shamans attack 📷and kill her best friend Saengo. And then Sirscha, somehow, restores Saengo to life. Unveiled as the first soul guide in living memory, Sirscha is summoned to the domain of the Spider King. For centuries, he has used his influence over the Dead Wood—an ancient forest possessed by souls—to enforce peace between the kingdoms. Now, with the trees growing wild and untamed, only a soul guide can restrain them. As war looms, Sirscha must master her newly awakened abilities before the trees shatter the brittle peace, or worse, claim Saengo, the friend she would die for.

Lori M. Lee is the author of speculative novels and short stories. Her books include PAHUA AND THE SOUL STEALER (Disney/Rick Riordan Presents), FOREST OF SOULS and the sequel BROKEN WEB (Page Street), and more. She’s also a contributor to the anthologies A THOUSAND BEGINNINGS AND ENDINGS and COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES. She considers herself a unicorn fan, enjoys marathoning TV shows, and loves to write about magic, manipulation, and family.

Lori struggles with anxiety, and the common symptoms like fatigue but she doesn’t let this stop her writing amazing books. I read Forest of Souls earlier this year, and it was seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read. I loved the magic, the characters, the world building. Everything about it, including the plot twist ending that had me losing my mind at 2am, was just so unlike anything I had read in any other fantasy before.

20. A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A Brown

📷

For Malik, the Solstasia festival is a chance to escape his war-stricken home and start a new life with his sisters in the prosperous desert city of Ziran. But when a vengeful spirit abducts Malik’s younger sister, Nadia, as payment into the city, Malik strikes a fatal deal—kill Karina, Crown Princess of Ziran, for Nadia’s freedom. But Karina has deadly aspirations of her own. Her mother, the Sultana, has been assassinated; her court threatens mutiny; and Solstasia looms like a knife over her neck. Grief-stricken, Karina decides to resurrect her mother through ancient magic . . . requiring the beating heart of a king. And she knows just how to obtain one: by offering her hand in marriage to the victor of the Solstasia competition. When Malik rigs his way into the contest, they are set on a course to destroy each other. But as attraction flares between them and ancient evils stir, will they be able to see their tasks to the death?

Roseanne “Rosie” A. Brown was born in Kumasi, Ghana and immigrated to the wild jungles of central Maryland as a child. Writing was her first love, and she knew from a young age that she wanted to use the power of writing—creative and otherwise—to connect the different cultures she called home. She graduated from the University of Maryland with a Bachelor’s in Journalism and was also a teaching assistant for the school’s Jiménez-Porter Writers’ House program. Her journalistic work has been featured by Voice of America among other outlets.

On the publishing side of things, she has worked as an editorial intern at Entangled Publishing. Rosie was a 2017 Pitch Wars mentee and 2018 Pitch Wars mentor. Rosie currently lives outside Washington D.C., where in her free time she can usually be found wandering the woods, making memes, or thinking about Star Wars.

Roseanne is another author that struggles with anxiety and wrote one of her two main characters with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), despite it being a fantasy. I don’t even think I can name a fantasy that had a character with anxiety represented so well. This was a book I read around the same time as Forest of Souls, and I loved it. The cover was beautiful, the characters were brilliant, and I just loved the world building, the magic, and the plot. It was just different to the usual fantasy books I read, and I enjoyed the variation so much I’ve had the sequel pre ordered almost a year in advance.

So, this was my 20 books by 20 chronically ill, disabled or neurodiverse authors list. Blurbs and synopsis were compiled between Goodreads and author websites, and bios were found either on Goodreads, author websites or on amazon author pages. All the information about their chronic illnesses, disabilities or neurodivergence was found online, where they had either explicitly said it or written about it, but if I have something wrong, please let me know so I can fix it!

If you have any other suggestions or know any other books and authors that should be on this list, please let me know and I’ll do my best to add it to the list as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading 😊

#bookblr #reviews #recs #books

[johnseedfanclub]

microscope, mixtape, ufo, and parachute for Angel please!!

okay....This one’s quiiiiite lengthy sorry about that 😅😅😅

Thanks for the ask! ♥️

Hope y’all like this one~

microscope: zoom in – describe the little, insignificant details about an OC.

Angel loves Thai iced tea and sweet drinks! He only drinks coffee for the caffeine but doesn’t actually like coffee (he prefers his with a lot of sugar/flavoring to cover up the bitter coffee taste)

Angel wishes he could have a pet but is scared he might hurt them with his bad mood swings

He secretly loves and wants plushies. He also has an attachment to them but never admits it because he’s “too old” for them.

His type is brunette, charming, suave, rich/wealthy men (not literally but is a nice add on yk~) , with light colored eyes (coincidentally it sounds like John but he can’t stand him)

Actually acts out/badly for a bit of attention he usually does it for shits and giggles but does it to receive a reaction out of someone whether it be from the person he’s talking to or the audience watching

He actually wishes people gave him more affection and reassurance. He never truly knows how much his friends appreciate him an a lot of times he feels like they don’t much. He doesn’t tell them the truth though because he doesn’t want to come off as jealous, needy or as an “attention seeker”

Likes dressing feminine more than masculine. He absolutely HATES men’s clothing Hawaiian shirts, turtlenecks, tuxedos/formal wear are the only exceptions (he would pretend to like the boxes of men’s clothing he would receive from friends as gifts. Would never even wear them. Maybe once if he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings)

Canonically he is “blonde” but he’s actually a brunette (light brown hair) but likes to dye his hair blonde instead

ufo: identity! what are some key identifying qualities or traits of your OC(s)? how to they identify in regards to gender/sexuality?

Special Qualities: his personality. Angel has a very unique personality compared to everyone he knows. He has this funny, mean/sarcastic, chill vibe to him. He always teases and plays around with his friends, not to mention he’s quite blunt and honest with anyone (even more harsh to people who annoy him). And though he seems like a small angry chihuahua at times, he’s a real sweetheart to everyone. He is never afraid to try anything new, no matter now fucking crazy or dangerous it may be he’s totally down to do it. That’s why both Eden’s Gate and the Resistance fear

Good Traits: He’s comedic (even at the worst times or when you need it), is the best at throwing house parties (even at 30 years old), he can help you with any favor it doesn’t even matter what it is (almost impossible to ask him of something he can’t do), he’ll take care of you when you’re sick/hungover/injured/depressed/having a panic attack, he’s a great cook and willing to share whatever he makes with anyone (if there’s enough), and he’s always generous (a big gift giver)

Bad Traits: He can a bit overly aggressive/rude (sometimes accidentally), he’s bad at remembering/keeping tract of things (he knows everyone’s favorite animal but totally forgets their birthdays and/or names), tends to crack under too much (bad) pressure and become extremely aggressive or violent, holds in his true feelings and emotions, has really bad mood swings, can be easy to piss off, can be too loud (mouthed) at times

Sexuality: Gay (attracted to men)

Gender identity: depends on the way he dresses/his mood normally he prefers he/him/they/them but if he dresses more feminine (wears makeup, tight dresses, feminine accessories) you could call him by she/him, or even they/them. (No pronoun preferences when he cross dresses)

#squad: who’s friends with who? what are the squad dynamics like?

Angel has few friends outside Hope County. The main people he’s friends with are Mary May, Jerome, Staci Pratt, Sharky Boshaw, Hurk Drubman Jr, Adelaide, Faith Seed, the Angel Twins (Jeremiah and Isaiah), the Whitetails, and a few of the peggies of Eden’s Gate

The only squads that Angel are apart of are

Sharky + Hurk = The Bomb Squad

Peggies = Eden’s “Gays”

Angel, Sharky, and Hurk are like the best and worst pairing. They’re all sweet, funny, and humble but can be obnoxious and destructive as FUCK. Anytime they go somewhere to find/finish some mission. It always ends in them leaving a trail of either, fire, gunpowder, or an explosion of some sort (either vehicle, silo, bliss tank, or outpost/building). Don’t even ask or mention what they do for leisure time. More crazy stunts and tricks that could put any normal person with a normal brain in the ER in critical condition. And at the bar? Jesus Christ. They order enough alcohol to kill 5 men but somehow make it through the night. And if they aren’t drinking, they’re sure as hell smoking weed or whatever the fuck Sharky has been brewing in his trailer (it’s most likely a 50/50 chance that you’ll pass out or die from it). They’re definitely one crazy ass group, nothing you would ever even expect, not even out of a crazy...Hollywood...Michael Bay movie. A feminine Latino city gay, an old cheery bomb-rocket enthusiast, and a insane pyromaniac that has a warrant. There definitely isn’t a dull moment with these three. But...you’re good as gone if you’re stuck with them for more than 11 minutes.

Angel and the Eden’s “Gays” are a pretty decent sized group of 6 men (plus the Twins some days) that are the few queer men of Eden’s Gate. Originally they seemed quite closeted because of the cult’s religion and some of its rules. But with Angel around they soon became another loud, obnoxious group of men. Before the whole group was “founded” the original 6 peggies (including John Seed himself) didn’t like Angel at all because of how loud and “out” he seemed (not to mention the carelessness). But as Angel visited the bunkers more often (after he was kidnapped by John) they slowly grew fond of him. Angel would always do kind gestures to learn more about Eden’s followers by helping them with chores, tasks, bringing them food and treats from outside the compound (though he wasn’t supposed to), and even help them find comfort in their own troubles. Though Angel liked a lot of the members he really favored 6 different followers in particular Connor, Michael, Anthony, Jace, and Jefferey (those who were the first followers he interacted with). Now they’re known as Eden’s Gays troublemakers. They sneak out to the Spread Eagle to drink, host secret parties in Hope County, and smoke as well. There isn’t a moment where they aren’t breaking the cult’s rules. They’re the only group of peggies some of the resistance members trust mostly because Angel made a rule of not attacking or harming them and actually enjoy being around. They’re definitely always getting into trouble with both sides too, much like Angel, starting small fights during church/sermons, fooling around on the job, or going around Hope County not to attack the locals but pester the living shit out of them. They almost stop being violent mean peggies and instead just become this goofy comedic group of young men. (Fun Fact: the “Eden’s Gays” were actually a thing before the cult became hostile *during its first few years in Hope County* and John was mostly the “leader” of the crazy group)

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like.

Ohohohooooo~

(The possibilities are endless for this one so I’m sticking to a Baddie playlist he would listen to)

May I ~ Flo Mili

Literal Legend ~ Ayesha Erotica

Yikes ~ Nicki Minaj

I like it ~ Cardi B

Sway With Me ~ Saweetie & GALAXARA

parachute: who does your OC(s) trust the most? who makes them feel safe? who would they do absolutely anything for?

Missy (my U.S. Marshal oc), is one of the few people he trusts the most. During the time from when he was arrested to when he was released out of jail (and transferring to Hope County Jail), she was always like a mother figure to him. And though she was supposed to investigate Angel’s murder and drug charges, she treated him kindly and respect, instead of a criminal. Without Missy, Angel might as well been as good as dead since she was the one that helped him move to a psychiatric ward instead of federal prison after discovering who he really was. Even after he was released, Missy still treated him as if he was her own son. She allowed him to stay at her penthouse apartment when Angel told her his father had disown him and he had no where to go. She always cared about him, made sure he ate, drank water, took care of himself, and even helped him get a better mindset. Though Angel still teases Missy by calling her “Mama Bear (Missy)” or “Mother Goose (or hen)” he’s forever grateful she was always there for him.

#deputy oc headcanons #farcry oc headcanons #farcry oc #far cry 5 oc #oc: angel sanchez #far cry deputy #deputy oc #far cry 5 #fc5 #far cry #john seed #jacob seed #joseph seed #farcry 5 #far cry fandom #far cry fanfiction

[ferricadooza]

Wish people would also chart lights up, I feel it didn’t get enough credits when it came out. One of his best videos for me

no. i won't dispute that i, too, am a sucker for a "coincidental" next to you, or that the lights up music video was amazing because, frankly, both would be a lie. but i don't think that it also needs to chart today.

yes, they were both released on coming out day and yes, they both had queer subtext in their respective lyrics and videos that would make them appropriate songs to celebrate today.

that being said, they were released under very different circumstances and they've had very different impacts on people in the lgbt+ community - and people who haven't been ready to come out yet in particular.

lights up was the first single released for harry's sophomore album, and they actually put a lot of promo into it. for the weird, hybrid genre it would fall into, it also charted really successfully when it originated came out considering the gp's daft inability to appreciate anything that isn't 100% palatable.

just like you, on the other hand received zero promo from s*co and didn't really chart successfully outside of fandom spaces.

while you can definitely argue for the queer subtext in the lights up lyrics in video (a sarcastic "and they know who you are. do you know who you are?" and colton haynes driving the motorcycle), but i would actually argue that it more explicitly points to his relationship with fame and, therefore, isn't the same kind of queer anthem that just like you is.

the subtext that i mentioned in an earlier post, that he's pleading for people not to take the headlines they see in the media at face value because so many of them are orchestrated for publicity, is much more explicit when coupled with the popular belief that louis has been closeted.

just like you charting on its three year anniversary when it received zero promo to begin with is not only fucking fantastic from a "look at him go" perspective, but it's also incredibly deserving on this day in particular. this is our way to show louis that we see him. that we understand he's just like us.

and all of this long-winded rambling is just to circle back and say no, i don't think that we need to worry about making lights up chart today, too.

look at it like this: as fans of harry and louis both, we do try to treat them equally. now look at their combined charting as a single sandwich that they have to share. harry, who has received enthusiastic promo and respect from his team, does not need to share exactly half of that sandwich with louis on their respective coming out day songs when louis' received zero promo and he has been starving for three years.

#the sandwich metaphor is brought to you by genuineconspiracy #happy birthday just like you

[redjaybathood]

On topic of LGBT Jason, may I propose you asexual!Jason Todd

Like. Winnik did say something along the lines that while Jason had sex with Talia in Lost Days, it wasn't about attraction.

And, I know that his comment about editorial not wanting him to answer the question about his orientation, points people to gay, sometimes bi, direction. And it's more likely that Winnick indeed meant one or the other, being who he is. But all what we know for sure, Winnick did not write a straight man.

It's also a word of god so you can accept as much or as little of it as your heart desires.

But, what we see next, say, in New52, Rebirth?

1) he sometimes tries too hard to be macho man about sex where he is not at all interested.

He lies about sleeping with Kory to Roy

He hits on or makes innapropriate comments about female Batfam members, Babs and correct me if I am wrong, Cass

Which could be because he is in the closet. But come on, he kills people and feels fine about it (and he is not a part of homophobic structure/culture like army, mafia, police, hockey etc.). Is he the type to be in the closet? Maybe. Internalised homophibia is a bitch. But I hope his childhood did not fuck up him at least in that regard.

2) He does not recognise when he's being flirted with

Isabel. He was very surprised to receive her number. And I got vibes "Huh, so that's what it was about" as opposed to "Can't believe she wants to go out with me" if you read it as self-esteem issues.

3) His reaction to kiss with Artemis was basically "meh".

Which could be his denial because he's afraid of feelings. Or, it could be because it was "meh".

Which, coincidentally, doesn't mean he does not like-like Artemis. Romantic attraction exists!

3) He and Essence are very chill exes.

Which, maybe because their break up was amicable and mutual, and they are professionals about trying to murder/fight each other. Or, maybe that one kiss we saw in flashback was all they had shared.

4) We see him going with a girl to her hotel suit, and he seems pretty willing. Turns out, he knew it was set up by Penguin all along.

5) I love Isabel but both in New52 and Rebirth their relationships was more going through the motion, from his side. Like it's what he's supposed to do, and not that he wanted.

So, basically, what I headcanon is, Jason Todd did not actually have a good sexual education, and he doesn't know what being asexual means, if he knows the word at all. He knows that he's supposed to like girls, kiss, date, have sex with, and that's what he's doing, when he remembers about it. Usually, when women hit on him. If he tries, it's very awkward and painful for everyone involved. 'cause, you know, his heart is not really into it. And I do think that if a guy hit on him, and it wasn't, like, Black Mask (unless it's for a mission and Jason planned it that way and is in control 24/7), the result would be the same. He would go along, maybe even date the guy, with the same amount of success he dated Isabel.

What about Artemis, though? Artemis Grace is a lesbian who may come to be in queer-platonic relationship with Jason, that's how I see it, at least.

Ofc it's not the only right way to read Jason. But, I think, it's a headcanon that could exist, and it would be just as valid as headcanoning Jason as gay or bi, even if we do end up with jaytemis endgame by the end of the run.

One thing I know for sure, this boy is not straight.

#Jason Todd #Isabel Ardilla #Artemis from Bana-Mighdall #Essence #asexual! Jason Todd #headcanon

[extreme-technicality]

does talking to an anon help about ninjago help? cuz I'm down

DHDKCKGSC YES IT DOES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OFFERING YOUR SERVICES

Okay now that I know I won’t be clogging people’s dashes buckle the fuck in my dude and I should stress that I literally would not be talking about this as much as I will be if I didn’t genuinely enjoy the show. I’m gonna go season by season and just Rant

S1 has the serpentine as the bbeg and like, as far as villains go they’re p lit. They’re early enough that they haven’t been done to hell, things are fresh, the characters and dynamics are being fleshed out, and all in all s1 is a pretty solid season. There’s some fuckery that gets brought up re: how the FUCK aging works and what the actual timeline of Ninjago is and how Wu and Garmadon fit into that timeline, fuckery that LITERALLY NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN A SATISFYING WAY BC ITS REVEALED IN A LATER SEASON (s8, dw we’ll get there lmao) THAT THE ONLY REASON THE FIRST SPINJITSU MASTER, WU, AND GARMADON LIVED AS LONG AS THEY DID IS CUZ THEYRE BASICALLY DEMIGODS AND ITS IMPLIED THAT LLOYD WILL ALSO LIVE FOR A LONG ASS TIME WHICH MEANS ONE DAY HES GONNA OUTLIVE ALL HIS FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HE EVER LOVED WHICH IS A FUN THING TO THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT But anyway I digress, s1 also coincidentally introduces Lloyd (he wasn’t in the pilot episodes that set up the rest of the series) and the existence of Evil Dad Garmadon.

S2 is where Garmadon starts acting a lot more Evil and a lot less Dad. He’s the main antagonist for that season, and I actually read somewhere that the show was originally slated to end after s2 which high key explains the fuckery of literally every single season after this lmaooooo. Much like s1, I really can’t find much to complain about, the first two seasons are pretty decent as far as I can remember

Season. Fucking. Three. Where the fuck do I start??? I hate season three for entirely personal reasons revolving around the STUPID GODDAMN ROMANCE WRITING. okay lemme back up and explain a thing first so, Jay is dating Nya and they’re fine, they’re going steady, aND THEN????? THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON INTRODUCES BULLSHIT LOVE TRIANGLE FUCKERY FOR ZERO GODDAMN REASON, BITCH I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES AND I HATE THEM EVEN MORE WHEN THEYRE DONE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON!!! AND THEN. AS IF THAT WERENT ENOUGH. THEY SHOEHORNED A ROBOT ROMANCE BETWEEN ZANE AND PIXAL AND I KNOW I RANTED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING BUT I DIDNT GO INTO ENOUGH DETAIL!!!! THEY MADE THE OTHER NINJA OOC IN ORDER TO PROP UP THEIR SHIP!!!!!! AND AT ONE POINT ZANE GOES “its like we were…made for each other” AND I HAD TO FUCUCJDHVE I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW BRO, IM SO TIRED!!!! NO THE FUCK YOU WERENT!!!!!! YOU WERE MADE FOR YOU AND PIXAL WAS MADE FOR PIXAL AND IF YALLS WANNA BANG BOLTS THATS FINE BUT DONT IMPLY THAT EITHER OF YOU WERE MADE INCOMPLETE!!!! THATS AN INSULT TO YOUR MAKERS AND YOURSELVES, MOVE ON, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. anyway that season also killed Zane (for the first time, but not the last) (spoiler alert lmao) and like, not to be an emotional little shit but I did cry a bit at his funeral.

S4 is honestly one of my favorites, even though the romance crimes continue (the love triangle bullshit is continuing and honestly I maintain that Cole, Nya, and Jay should all have gotten together and in my personal canon they DID, and also Kai has a forced romance) the VILLAIN makes up for it imo. He’s campy!! He’s funny!! He’s a clown!! He’s serious enough that if he says “I’m gonna kill you” HE MEANS IT and that’s so fucking refreshing!!!! S4 is honestly 8/10 just for the villain alone, don’t like that it retconned the SHIT out of the elemental masters and how many different elements there are TO master but eh, it’s ninjago, shit is stupid.

S5 was…interesting? OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT S3 INTRODUCED A GARMADON WHO WAS A LOT LESS EVIL AND A LOT MORE DAD, HONESTLY I THOUGHT IT TOOK A LOT OF THE FLAVOR OUT BUT THATS JUST ME LMAOOO. anyway s5 killed Garmadon, and I was a little sad cuz I like him okay??? I just think he’s NEAT, he’s got big dad energy, he was teaching Lloyd some shit that just got DROPPED and literally was never brought up again which is honestly a theme in Ninjago. Ninjago drinking game: take a shot every time they introduce a plot point or ability and drop it at or before the end of the season. WHICH THEY ALSO DID IN S5 WITH A DIFFERENT POWER ACTUALLY, so all the ninja are masters of Spinjitsu right, well s5 introduced the concept of Airjitsu which only Spinjitsu masters can learn and it lets them FLY and they used that for seasons 5 and 6 and then they nEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE COME IN HANDY FOR S E V E R A L DIFFERENT SITUATIONS ACROSS THE SEASONS, ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FALLING TO THEIR DOOM AND MY ASS WOULD BE YELLING “YOU CAN FLY, DUMBASS” - anyway, they do that again later lmao it’s fine. But what’s low key NOT fine is they made Nya the WATER NINJA!!! Like I’m not mad she has powers, except I kinda am, she was doing just fine as Samurai X and honestly the only reason she has super special ninja powers is for plot reasons. Also Cole got turned into a ghost, but by s7 he’s????? No longer a ghost????????? And that’s NEVER addressed or reasoned away, so like. Cool lmao

S6 didn’t happen. Like, canonically, s6 ends with wish fuckery that undoes the entire season and none of the characters remember anything that happened except Jay and Nya because S6 is the season where they get back together so they remember all those events for???? Feelings reasons?????? Unclear, moving on. The actual bbeg for S6 was a djinn with a vaguely Spanish accent, and to this DAY I don’t know why they made him have a SPANISH accent. Djinn are Arabic, not Spanish!! They’re not central or South American, either!!!! Your villain design makes no sense, do better

S7 had MORE time fuckery, and retconned what happened to Kai and Nya’s parents and hmmmhmhmhmhmhm that makes me Upsetti Spaghetti :3 not just the retconning, but the fact that they LITERALLY brought them back oNLY TO NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!! Okay so at the VERY very beginning, like pilot episodes beginning, Kai talks about their dad like he died/left fairly recently, BUT s7 contradicts that and claims that both of their parents were essentially abducted when Kai and Nya were little kids, which makes me question what in the fresh fuck two little kids were doing for all those years alone. SETTING THAT ASIDE FOR A HOT SECOND, their parents were also apparently good friends of Wu’s and old war buddies (from the Serpentine wars, which is YET ANOTHER bit of the timeline that doesn’t quite add up but honestly I could make a whole other post about that shit). But if they were such good fucking friends, why didn’t Wu check in every now and again??? What the fuck was Wu doing that was so fucking important that he couldn’t have been assed to visit his friends ONCE in like TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS and realize “oh shit, they’re not here and there are two tiny children running around unsupervised…My Kids Now : )” LIKE????? WU YOU LOW KEY SHOULDA LOOKED OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS’ KIDS BETTER, THEY COULDA DIED BRO!!! Uhhhh the time fuckery also results in Wu getting yeeted ahead in time a bit and the ninja gotta find him

Season. Eight. I have…mixed feelings about this one. The beginning absolutely SLAUGHTERED me, and not in a “this is so fucking funny” way. No, the beginning made me feel like I was being flayed alive with just about every episode because Ninjago was back on its forced romance bullshit and this time it was Lloyd’s turn on the chopping block. That hurt my soul cuz like, look at that mans color scheme, he’s CLEARLY alloaro, why are you forcing romance on my aro man, why would you hurt me like that, BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE AND THE GIRL HE WAS BEING SET UP WITH HAD A LITTLE HEART TO HEART REALLY EARLY ON AND IT WAS THE MOST QUEER CODED SHIT!!!! IT DEADASS READ AS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN AN OUT AND PROUD QUEER AND A CLOSETED QUEER AND THEY MADE!!! IT!!!!! STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that kept me watching at first was wanting to find Wu, and then I started enjoying myself once Cole found a plot-relevant baby and had fatherhood thrust upon him. Everything went from “ehhhhh” to “holy shit this FUCKS” once it was revealed that Rumi (Lloyd’s love interest) wAS PLAYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME AND WAS EVIL AND HAD AN EVIL GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! LITERALLY IMPROVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEASON FOR ME, I COULD EVEN FORGIVE THE WHOLE “let’s resurrect Garmadon, but as evil as possible” BULLSHIT!!!!!!

S9 is a continuation of s8, Garmadon is back and 1000% Evil, 10% Dad, but none of the Dad energies is directed at Lloyd - it’s all directed at Rumi, and honestly I could write a whole ass post on just RUMI cuz that’s honestly my DAUGHTER and I LOVE HER and I’m MAD SHE DIES AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!!!! SHE DESERVED THERAPY AND TO LIVE WITH HER GF AND MAYBE SOME CRIME. AS A TREAT. RUMI DESERVED BETTER AND LOW KEY IM GONNA WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT, BUT ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Ah right, so s9 has the four major Ninja stuck in the original dimension with no way home, while Lloyd has no powers (cuz he almost died last season) and has to somehow lead a resistance against Garmadon (who has taken control of Ninjago City and is working on the rest of Ninjago). Actually, s9 is pretty cool. Like, the end of s8 and into s9 are low key my favorite episodes, and I kinda wanna rewatch them now -

S10 is a FUN one. Garmadon got got last season, but he didn’t DIE, so he’s in cold storage and now there’s Another Threat and he’s the only one who knows wtf they’re up against so they let him out and he works with them. The funny part is, he is still Very Much Evil and doesn’t quite Get emotions like he did when he was, uh, human lmao, sO HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY DURING THAT SEASON AND DECIDED TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT. 1000000/10 MY FAVORITE GARMADON, he ended that season by literally fucking off into Ninjago and they never decided to track him down 😭😭😭😭😭and I’m so SAD about it dude

S11 has another Serpentine as the bbeg, though in the setup to that they retconned how the fucking Serpentine tribes and history work??? I think???? Also Wu was a good 150% angrier and generally Done with the ninja’s shit, which was honestly refreshing tho I’m not quite sure I liked what the refreshed view was, but whatever lmao. S11 also had the ninja get yeeted to the dimension farthest from Ninjago, and honestly - okay, so they didn’t all go at the same TIME, Zane left about a week or two before the others did but there was time dilation fuckery afoot which I’m not too mad about cuz low key it makes sense. What I AM mad about is that they didn’t play the angst up to its full POTENTIAL!!!!!! Zane was EVIL in the other dimension!!!! Okay so I’m Ninjago he was only gone for maybe a week or two, but DECADES had passed in the other one, and all that time Zane was alone and disconnected from everyone he knew and loved, with a staff that boosted his power while slowly corrupting him and Turning Him Evil to help him, and like???? The thought of Zane trying to find a way home, trying to get SOME sort of message back, while he has to use the staff more and more to help him survive the long, lonely decades, so that by the time his family DOES show up its too late??? BRO. B R O. THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT, BUT NINJAGO DIDNT DO THAT!!! THEY MADE HIM EVIL DUE TO MEMORY WIPE!!!!!! MEMORY WIPE IS BABY SHIT COMPARED TO A LONG, SLOW CORRUPTION!!!!!!

S12 was alright. It went into Cole’s mom, touched on some of the adventures she had had, threatened another forced romance (this time on poor Cole, just leave my mans ALONE) but thankfully didn’t follow through this time, introduced cool new powers that honestly hasn’t been elaborated on since that’s the most recent season I think lmao

Anyway thanks for reading and letting me rant!!!! I have,,So Much More I could talk about, PLEASE ask me about Rumi, some of my headcanons re: Garmadon and Wu’s dynamic, the Serpentine, my top five times they butchered Kai’s character for Plot Reasons, or anything else I brought up here that you want me to elaborate on!!!

#technical talks #ninja hoe #ask dadzawa #nonnie #this was honestly therapeutic tysm #and it let me kill time before I play Mario kart so bonus points!! #I definitely forgot to mention A Lot (like all the times one or all of the ninja lost their powers) #so like!!! feel free to bug me for more shit!!!!

[nicnacsnonsense]

A few days ago @whiteleyfoster did some lovely The Birdcage AU art and @poetic----nonsense decided we needed a full AU figured out, so they tagged me. Because I am now the person who figures out fusion AUs., Which honestly, that’s fantastic; I love it. Unfortunately I hadn’t seen The Birdcage before, but it’s available to watch on Prime, so I just took care of that. The bad news is I didn’t actually like the movie all that much. The good news is my problem was in the execution rather than the premise, so I do think there’s a good Good Omens AU to be had with two adjustments. One, lean into the wacky hijinks more -- this is definitely a wacky hijinks comedy kind of plot, but the tone of the movie was oddly serious a lot of the time. And two, I want to really feel the love between all the members of our little queer family. The movie tells us they’re a happy and healthy family, but what I was seeing was a lot of Val being mean to his parents, a lot of Armand being mean to and dismissive of Albert and a lot of Albert being overly dramatic and sensitive to everything.

Moving on to our characters. In Whiteley’s drawing they had Aziraphale as Albert and Crowley as Armand, which I get that, but I want to switch it. Aziraphale as the small business owner cismale who is obviously gay (I didn’t get any obviously gay vibes from Armand, but the movie told us a couple of times he was giving them off, so *shrugs*). Meanwhile Crowley is amab and typically presents male day-to-day, but also presents female at time and is slightly ambiguous in terms of gender. I also feel Crowley’s dramatic bitch energy is a better match for Albert’s than Aziraphale’s is. 

For Val and Barbara, Whiteley suggested Adam and Warlock respectively, and while I like each of those choices a lot individually, it doesn’t work for me once you put them together. Partially that’s a personal thing -- I know Adam/Warlock is somewhat popular but it squicks me out -- but also unless you want to genderbend one of them female, you have a gay relationship which kind of undermines the whole “gay couple has to pretend to be hetero to fool the super conservative in-laws.” I still think there’s a way you could do it, but it would take a lot of work. So instead I propose Newt as Val and Anathema as Barbara. (which weirdly makes the second time I’ve had Aziraphale as Newt’s dad. I swear I’m not trying to make it a thing).

I realize the immediate impulse there is if you’re going to use those two you should flip them: Newt as Barbara and Anathema as Val. But first of all I think if Anathema was Val she wouldn’t stand for lying about who her parents are; sucks for you Newt, but you’re just going to have to come clean. And if you put aside political views, these are actually really good matches for each of their families in canon. Anathema was a “professional descendant,” her entire life was mapped out for her by her many times great-grandmother, which is something of the ultimate extreme Barbara’s controlling family. Meanwhile’s Newt’s mother seemed very loving and she supported and encouraged his enthusiasm for computers no matter how many power outages he caused. Plus I do think there’s a great parallel in Crowley and Aziraphale having to hide their homosexuality from Anathema’s parents and the idea of Anathema being a liberal, occultist, environmentalist, feminist, general social activist, probably met Newt at an LGBT+ support rally, who goes home to her family and has to hide all of that and pretend to be a good little conservative Christian girl.

For the other major characters Anathema’s parents would be Anathema’s mom (obviously) and Gabriel I think. The idea of him as Anathema’s dad is a little weird, but you can’t deny Gabriel fits the super conservative senator mold really well. You could also use the Dowlings instead if you wanted, but c’mon, Gabriel fawning over femme!Crowley? That’s too funny, guys. For Newt’s biological mother I think Michael. She could definitely pull off high-powered exec who isn’t the least bit maternal, but is willing to show up for her son in this because of a sense of duty. In this version Aziraphale and Michael would have actually been dating because Aziraphale was still in the closet and in deep denial at that point, but they broke up when she got pregnant and Aziraphale wanted to keep the baby and Michael wanted to put it up for adoption the instant that baby slid out of her. (I also totally picture that after they agreed to break up Michael said it was probably for the best, seeing as Aziraphale was just super gay.) And finally for Agador I think Madame Tracy. Admittedly as a character she’s not much like him, but looking at it in terms of the function of the character as a comic relief zany housekeeper type, I think she could do a really good job as her own version of that.

A few other changes. The whole argument about “who’s the white whine for?” still happens, but it’s playful banter, rather than any sort of serious accusation of cheating. Then after the show Crowley and Aziraphale go upstairs together and surprise! Newt’s here for a visit. He tells both of his parents about his engagement at the same time. Then again when the issue of Anathema lying to her parents comes up, Newt approaches both Crowley and Aziraphale together and presents it not as something he’s demanding they do for him, but a problem to be solved together. Then Crowley and Aziraphale are totally extra enough to be like, zany hijinks, we’ll just fake like we’re the very straight cultural attache to Greece and his woman female wife. 

Except after a bit of prep work Crowley suddenly backs out as the wife, claiming he can pull of woman sure, but he can’t pull off housewife. That’s where Michael comes in. Crowley is the one who chooses not to go into her office -- he resents her for what he considers to be her abandonment of Newt -- but when he gets impatient waiting he coincidentally barges in at just the wrong moment to what looks like flirting/cheating (but we the audience know was actually something completely innocent) and storms off. 

Aziraphale goes to talk to Crowley once they both get home and his shocked and even a little hurt that Crowley would ever think Aziraphale would cheat on him. Crowley says, no he knows that’s not what was going on and he knows Aziraphale wouldn’t, especially not with a woman. So Aziraphale is like what’s up then, you’ve been acting weird ever since Newt got home. And Crowley admits that he is jealous, but not over any sort of fictitious other lover, but of Newt. Because Newt is getting married and Crowley and Aziraphale can’t (cause 90′s). And that’s why Crowley backed out of the wife role, because tt was too close to what he wants and can’t have. The two of them have a heart-to-heart about how much they love each other and how committed they are. This also means when Crowley does show up to the dinner dressed up as Newt’s mom, it’s a heart-warming moment where Crowley is silently communicating that Aziraphale is right, that it’s real in their hearts, and that’s what matters. 

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #newt pulsifer #anathema device #newt/anathema #the birdcage #fandom fusion