#this is also 5 minutes after he said that him and Tommy were allies so idk why he still wants those discs so bad fr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tobi-smp · 4 months

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you know, I think the thing that made c!phil's writing kind of janky and discordant is Also exactly what makes cc!phil's Strength as a roleplayer

the best way to put it is that phil is the epitome of Yes And. wilbur tells him to kill him and it was a Choice, there was no script that told him that wilbur Had to die that night. but wilbur asked him to and so he did.

wilbur Also asked him to look after tubbo and tommy, So He Did. he fought for l'manberg on the 16th (fought Against dream and techno), and agreed to become a part of l'manberg's government as a mentor figure.

but techno was his friend and they wanted to spend time together when they were online so why be anything else in lore? of Course they're old friends, of Course they spend time together.

the problem arise when there's Conflict between these two groups. because phil Must choose what to do and say and believe at any given moment, to justify Why he would choose to do whatever it he is about to do. but at the end of the day that choice Mostly comes down to what would be cool or fun or interesting in the moment.

and I think ! that there's absolutely nothing wrong with this, and it's actually a Really good mindset to have in the context of this kind of roleplay. and it worked really well early on. it's Interesting that phil Would have a completely uncomplicatedly loyal relationship with techno right away when he Did explicitly stand against him on that first day. it Says Something about their relationship. maybe even implies that they've fought each other before, but it doesn't impact their relationship with each other.

the problem is when it starts contradicting and Twisting and being weird. mainly when it comes to characters that he Both has major conflict with And want to have a positive relationship with him. it becomes a question of Why phil would do something that would hurt them if he cares about them.

after all, it's not just hurt feelings, it's war. even if they had no Intent on killing anybody, it still Could Have ended with people dead.

and again ! that's not an inherently Bad Thing. it actually opens to the door for a lot of interesting character conflict and introspection !

phil is a Very old being, his best friend is famous for being unkillable, his wife is Actually Death who casually possesses him sometimes. having phil be somewhat out of touch with humanity in a way where he doesn't Really understand the emotional weight and Danger of what he's done would make sense ! and of course, that's just one possible explanation that could be replaced with or coincide with another reading.

but it's all complicated Further by there being a very strong ideological bend to the conflicts he's involved with. because it Feels like for him to engage with said conflict Meaningfully he must weigh in with his own take on the ideological conflicts. he's playing a supporting role to technoblade after all, and on paper his entire character Is one big ideological conflict.

but what phil's ideology actually Is shifts to suit whatever story line he needs to support at a given moment, rather than being set in stone First with his role in those story lines being chosen based on a preexisting belief.

and honestly I really Don't blame cc!phil for this, because On Paper the jump in justification for these supporting roles he's played don't look very different. and in fact, you can See where one follows the conclusion to another.

but "choose people" above all else, to the point of being Shocked that tommy might hesitate in the conflict with dream that has the weight of protecting the entire server riding on it, really Does Not gel with whatever happened on doomsday or with letting dream out of prison.

moreover, it only highlights a conflict in ideology between phil and techno. the use of violence as default Even Against active allies or people who'd been considered allies 5 minutes ago doesn't seem to gel with whatever phil had going on in the post-prison break out era.

having phil enable dream to torment tommy during doomsday feels very contradictory to phil's shocked offense that dream would torment A Child the first chance he got after breaking out.

and again ! none of this is inherently a Flaw, it could all be very interesting as set ups for character conflict and as an examination for phil's Own character flaws. having contradictions like this isn't inherently Bad writing when it can so easily be Interesting. open up the door for Richer character writing.

the problem isn't even that none of this was intentional at the time that it was happening, but rather that nobody really seemed to notice it at all. so rather than it being used as a tool to bounce off of For that character examination and conflict. it just kinda. Is.

I think ! what phil needed, and what the server As A Whole needed, was stronger Direction. it's what made the early arcs work as well as they did, because Everyone knew the what the core story Was and could figure out ways to cohesively bounce off of them.

the revolution, the elections, the civil war, they were all Strong skeletons with clear factions and ideologies at play. and so even when people were doing their own things it all Felt Cohesive.

and of course, the dream smp Stopped having a key writer for the those big plot moments with the intent of giving people more personal freedom in their writing. but I think it only served a Lack Of Identity. people who didn't already have a stake in the key conflicts that were already on the server struggled to find their way into them. and struggled to find relevancy Without them.

and I think this was felt the most in the way that people were both afraid of stepping on anybody's toes while Also getting in each other's way like a football field.

like, I Loved tommy's death and resurrection arc. and the sheer Surprise of it and the aftermath was truly incredible to see.

but it was also Weird that people weren't given the chance to react to it on their own terms. like, why did they plan the syndicate meeting months in advance just to have it dropped on them with no way to prepare for or modulate their responses?

phil and techno's reactions to tommy's death are So Weird when we consider their relationship with him both before And After. and it's difficult to reconcile because it's Understandable that the cc's didn't want to derail their planned lore to make it About tommy's story line. But It's Not Like We Can Pretend It Didn't Happen Either.

and there's lots of ways that people have tried to reconcile this, lots of ways that I've even personally Enjoyed. but in terms of what's actually In the source material It Just Kind Of Is.

phil cares about tommy, he wants to guide him and protect him because he recognizes that he's a child in a dangerous position, but he also laughs when he hears dream beat him to death in prison and he also laughed while dropping bombs on tommy's head with dream at his side. and these all just kind of Are.

I can't even tell if this is all weirder before or after canon sbi was retconned.

and so these inconsistencies tug at all of the major story beats that phil's character is involved with, all while all of them Mostly work well in isolation. and it's so easy to see how this could've been avoided with stronger direction and story planning.

in other words, It's Dream's Fault.

#long post #dream smp #dsmp #philza #philza neg #I mean #Not Really #but people who have that tag blocked probably won't want to read this #take two on that long philza rambling from earlier kjlasdjklfasd

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meganwritesfanfics · 4 months

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Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 5

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Joel Miller x Reader

Joel has tried his best to stay away from Y/N, but it seems the universe has other plans. When he runs into her on the street, the two confront their feelings and everything gets a lot more complicated.

Word Count: 1735

Rating M: For later chapters, angst, discussion of DV. Talk of injuries.

It was a good week or so before Joel saw Y/N again. Soon after the bomb incident, he and Tess had gone out to get supplies to trade. They usually didn’t stay away for more than a couple days, however even when they got back, Joel made it a point to only pick jobs at times when he didn’t think Y/N would show up. He felt guilty about the way he had treated her, however he knew Tess and Tommy were right. The feelings he had for Y/N, whatever they may have been were dangerous, not only for himself and the people around him but also for Y/N. He knew that her shit husband hurt her, and he didn’t want to be the cause of making it even worse. And so Joel’s world had fallen back into the colorless routine it had been before.

That was why when he had accidentally ran into her on the street, it had taken him by surprise. But what took him even more by surprise and what caused his entire body to vibrate with rage were the bruises that littered her face and neck. She had a black eye, a busted lip, and what looked like finger bruises from where someone had gripped her neck tightly.

The minute he laid eyes on this, he roughly grabbed her by her shoulders, turning her so she was looking at him, taking her completely by surprise.

“Who the fuck did this to you.” He snarled his eyes darting between each bruise.

“Joel?” Y/N asked shocked.

“Was it that fucking husband of yours,” Joel continued. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

Suddenly Y/N pushed Joel back hard snapping him out of his rage.

“Why the fuck do you care.” Y/N snapped. “A few days ago you wanted nothing to fucking do with me, and now you are going to commit murder for me?”

“Y/N,” Joel sighed as he looked around to make sure that no one was watching them.

“No, Joel, when I had come back I was going to ask you… I thought you…” Y/N groaned, “Ugh forget it, listen I get it, I’m a pain in your ass right, I cause problems right, I waste your precious fucking time right!” She screamed and her screams were starting to grab peoples attention.

Quickly Joel grabbed her hand and dragged her into a near by ally. As much as she protested and fought him.

“Y/N,” He said calmly but still she fought him. “Y/N!” He shouted as he gently took her face in his hands and she instantly went quite. “Listen to me, I had meant what I said before, if anyone hurts you, especially your husband, I want you, no I need you to come to me, I will take care of it.”

Y/N reached up and wrapped her hands around Joel’s wrists as she sighed.

“I can’t keep up with your mood swings Joel.” She said quietly all the anger fading into sadness. “One moment you are nice and boarderline sweet and the next you are an absolute dick.”

Joel dropped his hands and took a step back as he looked at the ground.

“I’m sorry about before I… things are complicated.”

“Of course things are complicated, the world is fucked Joel. But I thought maybe I had found someone who made things just a little less complicated, someone who made things make some sort of sense. But I guess I was wrong.” Joel could see tears welling up in her eyes. “I better go, and don’t worry I will stay out of your life Joel.”

“Wait,” Joel reached out and grabbed her wrist and when he did she let out a loud cry. He instantly let go.

“I’m sorry, it’s… I fell the other day and…”

“You know you can cut the bullshit with me.” Joel instantly replied and Y/N just looked up at him her eyes filled with an awful sadness and yearning. “Can I see it?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment before she walked forward and lifted her long sleeves so he could see her swollen and bruises wrist.

He seethed as he gingerly took her hand in his.

“It’s fine, I think it is only fractured.” She said and Joel’s head snapped up his eyes filled with rage.

“It is sure as shit not fine.”

“Well unfortunately it just is what it is.” She sighed as she took her hand out of his and pulled down her sleeve again.

“It doesn’t have to me.” Joel took a step closer towards her.

“I don’t really have another choice, if I leave, either he will kill me or he will send F.E.D.R.A. to do it.”

“I could kill him.”

“And then F.E.D.R.A. would kill you, not going to happen.” She snapped as she leaned up against the brick wall.

“Why are you with him?” Joel asked surprised at himself for the asking such a question.

Y/N couldn’t help but smirk sadly. “That is a story for another time cowboy.”

Joel made his way towards her putting one hand on the wall and leaned in closer to her.

“I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it. It’s just, I don’t think it is a good idea for you and I to hang around each other.”

“You afraid I’m going to get you roped into trouble Miller,” Y/N smirked a smile finally creeping its way back onto her face.

“It’s not just myself I’m worried about its Tess and…”

“Tommy?” She interrupted. Joel gave her an inquisitive look. “One upside to having a husband who works for F.E.D.R.A, I can get access to everyones files. How do you think I know so much about everyone.”

“You looked me up darlin’’?” Joel smirked inching even closer to Y/N.

“Oh I had to, with the dark and stormy aura you give off, I had to see what you were all about.”

They were silent for a moment, the space between them was growing smaller with each passing second.

“But you are right, it might be better if we just keep our separate ways. I don’t want to get you in trouble. And Tommy’s in enough shit as it is.”

Joel’s blood ran cold. And Y/N watched as Joel’s face fell and his eyes went wide with fear.

“Don’t worry F.E.D.R.A doesn’t know. But hell that boy does not do a good job hiding it, I could spot him from a mile away. You need to tell him to watch his back.”

Joel just nodded, his thoughts wandering off to nightmare he had about Tommy getting caught or killed. He could feel his chest start to tighten up and his vision start to blur.

“Joel,” Y/N called as she saw his demenor change. But to him her voice sounded far off, it echoed like she was in a tunnel. “Joel?” She called again as she placed her hand gently on his cheek. With her touch he steadied his vision righted itself and the tightness in his chest lessened. “Where did you go?”

In that moment, standing so close to her, her hand on his cheek, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to pull her in close to him and never let her go. His rational mind kept telling him what a bad idea that was, how many things could go wrong. But he didn’t care he just kept pushing those thoughts away. That was until he thought about Sarah, and the ever familiar constant pain he felt flared up again. He couldn’t feel that pain again, not in any capacity. And it was too risky to open his heart up again. Especially since Y/N didn’t seem like she had any plans to leave her abusive huband.

Clearing his throat, Joel backed up crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“So what are we going to do?” He asked.

“About what?” She said hurt at his distance.

“About us?”

“Is there an us?”

“I mean… I don’t want to not help you when you need it. But I also got to think about keeping Tess and Tommy safe.”

“Yeah,” She looked down at her feet sadly.

“And I like being around you.”

“I like being around you too.”

“Is there anyway I can get you to just keep your head down and try not to cause problems?”

“Not a chance.” Y/N snapped her head up to look back at him.

Joel sighed sadly. “That’s what I thought.”

They stood silent for a few moments, and Y/N could feel herself starting to get choked up.

“So I guess that’s it.” Y/N said.

“Y/N…”

“Well, it was nice knowing you Joel Miller. I hope you have a good life, I mean, as good as any of us can hope for in this shit storm.” Y/N started to walk away and Joel stayed behind watching her.

She hadn’t even made it out of the ally before she stopped. “Oh fuck it.” She mumbled under her breath as she turned and marched back to Joel.

“Y/N?” Joel asked confused.

“Kiss me.” She snapped and Joel froze.

“Wha…”

“There is this feeling between us, and I hope to God you feel it to, but it feels so different than anything I have felt in a while. I can’t explain it but when I am with you, things feel better. It’s almost like you bring color…” She started when Joel quickly pulled her into him and kissed her.

The spark that he felt in his stomach when their lips met, sent goosebumps all over his skin. This kiss wasn’t just a normal run of the mill kiss, this was something more. It made his chest tighten but not in a bad way. And when he felt her open her mouth slightly and he deepend the kiss, he thought his heart was going to explode.

They broke away only to breath, and when they look at each other they both smiled, Joel’s hands on her face, his thumb rubbing her cheeks.

“Not bad cowboy.” She smirked.

“Oh I’m just getting started darlin’ “ Joel growled seductively as he kissed her again, pushing her back into the brick wall.

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #fanfic #tlou

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mrs-march-ahs · 3 years

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Hi! I have a request~ The Evans reactions to losing in any sort of game. Can be board games or video games 😅

The Evans Losing At Games

Headcannons for all, imagines for some!

Cute idea, thank you! I didn’t write much for Jimmy, I’m sorry Jimmy I love you<3

Enjoy:)

Tate

-Clearly a teenage boy who lets emotions build up a lot -Definitely cheats if he’s had enough -If he keeps losing in the same part of the video game and rage quits, it takes him forever to get back into the game - “Ohhhh… I forgot that’s where I let off… fuck it” (quits) -Much better and calmer at playing cards, and generally prefers games were the two of you can talk and he doesn’t have to focus too much

You laid on your bed, scrolling aimlessly through social media, and occasionally glancing at Tate playing a video game he hasn’t played in a while. When you started talking about games, and you told him you had it, he nostalgically reminisced how much he used to play it when he was alive, so you set it up for him. Every few minutes, when a red screen would pop up, Tate would sigh, and with every passing death, his sighs got louder and angrier.

After only maybe half an hour of playing, Tate clearly couldn’t take it anymore, and threw the control towards the floor, before stomping over to shut the console and TV off. The sound made you flinch, and you had never seen Tate angry before. Nor his body language nor face showed his emotions, just his actions, and when he flopped by your side, he looked fine. If somebody had come in right now, they would just see two teenagers laying next to each other.

“Uhhh… you okay?”, you ask, before rolling over to face him. You poke at his chubby cheek as he stares up at the ceiling and tease him. “Sore loser”.

“Shut up, it’s your fault. You reminded me why I wasn’t allowed to play this game for very long”.

“Wanna play something else? Together? We could play Dragon Ball Z?”, you ask quietly, before going back to your childish sing-song teasing. “Be nice, and I’ll even let you win a few times!”

Tate looks over at you and huffs, before sitting up and getting the controllers, “Good thing you’re used to begging me for mercy”

Kit

-Least sore loser out of them all -Always up for a rematch -He’s pleasant even when he does win - “Want a rematch sugar? So you can have another shot at beating me?” - “Ah you were close, you’re getting good” - “You’re a good rival” - “If I lose, you can drag me to that Rom Com you wanted to see” - “If I win, we make more babies” -Pretends to be competitive when he’s playing with the kids - “I would say Team Girls vs Team Boys… but that’s not fair, the two of you don’t even stand a chance, right Tommy?” -If one of the kids beat him, he’d act super dramatically to give them as much satisfaction of winning -Laser tag is 34 years before Kit’s time, but if he played something like that, he’d try to let the kids win

You ran around the garden and chased a giggling Julia. Because of current financial issues, the power was out, but not wanting to worry the children to much, and not wanting them to ask too many questions, you and Kit decided to make the most of the sun and tire them out before it got dark. Kit, being the big kid he is, suggested playing a tag-like game Thomas invented, where you each get three pebbles each, and try to get each other out by throwing them. Gently. Unless you were throwing them at Kit.

Julia started slowing down when she reached the corner of the house, hoping to hide from you, but you were right behind her, making her turn around and burst out in giggles. When the 5-year-old laughed, the only thing you could see was the missing tooth she donated to the tooth fairy last night. Once you circled all around the house, you come back in view of the garden, and see Julia hiding behind Kit.

“That’s cheating!”, he exclaims, trying to run away from her and toss a pebble in her direction, only for her to do it faster. The second Julia’s tiny rock hits Kit’s tummy and bounced, he put his hands over his stomach and held it like a gun wound. He dropped to the floor dramatically, leaving the two little kids to die of laughter, and you walk over to him, Kit peeping open one eye slightly to see if you were watching him, and then stuck his tongue out to play dead. You picked up a stick from the floor and poked at his chest, making Kit chuckle but quickly hide it.

“Is it dead?”, you ask.

Thomas leans in closer to look at his dad on the floor, before Kit opens his eyes and pulls Tommy to the floor with him, rolling over to be on top of him.

“I win!”, Kit announces, before kissing his son on the cheek.

Franken Kyle

-He doesn’t particularly play complicated games, but he isn’t too patient and gets frustrated with himself pretty easily -If on one of his educational games, he messes something up too many times in a row, he’ll shut off the game and throw the tablet on the bed -He’ll avoid even looking at it -If he loses a tickle fight he’ll sit and whine, straddle you and then tickle you until you beg him to stop -Whines even if he loses at rock paper scissors -He likes colouring and drawing, and because it’s good for his motor skills, the two of you made a really simple game together -You drew out a long snake shape on a big piece of paper and drew lines in between for the spaces -Kyle carefully coloured them in with pencil and with a marker you wrote occasional things like ‘Go back two spaces’ or ‘Go forward three spaces’ -Sweet little Ky would roll the dice, and take his time, pushing his little figurine, which was something like a pencil sharpener or a bottle cap, and counted out the spaces -Got super excited if he won, but wouldn’t mind losing -He would insist the two of you keep playing, and you’re only allowed to stop and go to bed if you end on him winning -Sometimes he would try to let you win so that you could keep playing -Whine and pout if you had to stop playing, and how are you meant to say no to him? -You would have to promise you’ll play tomorrow -You’d be able to slowly make more and more complicated games, until eventually he’d be able to play things like checkers or Ludo

Jimmy

-Lowkey a sore loser -If there were loads of different people playing, he would be a lot more friendly -If he lost, he would still be super annoyed, but just wouldn’t show it -But if it was the two of you, he’d be super competitive -The type of person to flip the board game if he was losing -But he’d apologise straight away and pout if you didn’t want to play with him again - “C’mon let’s play again, I’ll be nice this time” - “Loser gets spanked” -Loves playing games like beer pong

James

-Unpleasant loser but also not a pleasant winner -Bitter compliments if you win at cards - “Well done darling, who would have thought with your high school education you were such a poker master” -Only willing to play the same 5 card games, because if you teach him a new board game he is not familiar with and he loses, he’ll claim it’s only because he’s new to the game -Absolutely infuriated if he loses at Monopoly, since he built a hotel after all -Don’t even bother trying to teach him how to play a video game -And of course - “Only amateurs keep score”

“What are you doing, dear?”, James said, fascinated at your little character wandering around a shop, on the screen in front of both of you.

“I’m trying to buy this plant, but I don’t have enough money, I want to see if I can sell anything I have”, you explain, pointing at your backpack filled with items that you can exchange for spare coins.

“Nonsense, darling, why don’t you simply stab the storekeeper and steal what you desire?”

“Because this is Animal Crossing, James, there isn’t a stab button”

Kai

-Kai likes playing video games or board games with literally anybody apart from you -He likes playing with Ozzy because he’s a kid so most of the time Kai can beat him easily -Definitely not the type of person to let the kid win, even if Ozzy is sobbing and Ally asks him to let Ozzy win once in a while - “Winning fairly will feel so much better for him” - “He won’t appreciate success if he doesn’t first taste failure” -Sometimes instead of story time with his troops he’ll play some board games -At first, everybody will keep letting Kai win out of fear -But eventually someone will win, and everybody else will be fearful for them, scared Kai will be angry - “Finally somebody capable, somebody strong, not scared to show their true capabilities” -But if you ask him to play a game with you, he probably won’t -If you eventually beg enough that he will agree to play a game with you, he’ll tell you he’s only playing one -If you win, he’ll be like, “Okay, are you happy now?” - “Finally it’s over” - “I let you win, are you happy?” -But if he wins, he’ll try to get you to play a few more games - “Are you giving up already?” - “Don’t be a sore loser, rise up to the challenge” - “I assumed you wanted to win, not just to play”

- (Kai loses) “See… you have to give a humiliated man a chance to redeem himself in his own ey-”

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the-great-imagines-of-1812 · 4 years

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Through The Years pt. 5 (Bucky Barnes x fem!Stark! Reader)

A/N: feedback is appreciated, as always!

the tags: @the-romanian-is-bae @a-girl-who-loves-disney

the warnings: torture (nothing too intense, but still.), explosions, wounds, captivity, angst, fluff at the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER 3RD, 1943.

KRAUSBERG, AUSTRIA. A HYDRA BASE.

4:00 HOURS.

“Vake up! Vake up!” Was the first thing you heard when you woke up, laying strapped down on a cold metal table, in a dark room, with a light shoved right in your face. A thick German accent.

Oh no.

You tried to open your eyes to the best of your ability, albeit they still hurt and your whole body stung with pain beyond imaginable. “Hurry up!”

A harsh slap to your face.

If this didn’t make you open your eyes, you feared what was next. As you opened them, the light which was once harsh on your face now illuminated a good part of the room. Despite the pain in your neck, you were able to turn your head and see-

Bucky.

No. You wouldn’t let them hurt him. “Bucky, baby please- are you okay?” you were able to say through tears, feeling a sob on it’s way. He doesn’t seem to hear you at first. It’s as if he’s blanked out on reality, in another world. He then proceeds to snap out of it, turning his head to you. He too is strapped to the table.

He lets out a cough before letting out a relieved breath. “Doll, hey.” he seems to lose his breath for a second. “I won’t let them hurt you, darlin’. I promise.”

“I should be saying that Barne-”

“SILENCE! Project Survival has begun.” the man said. Turning your head as much as the pain allowed you to, you were able to catch a glimpse of him. He was an average height, with some hair on his head and round glasses.

Arnim Zola. The one and only right hand man to Johann Schmidt. You had heard about him before, while in several briefings with Erksine. That was now in the past. He was no longer a name and a photograph. He was a reality.

Laying your head back once again, you thought of Howard. What would he do without you? Would he be able to rest at night knowing this is how you met your end?

No. You couldn’t. As he said, many more birthdays to celebrate.

Shifting uncomfortably under your armor and clothes, your breathing picked up and went short as Zola rolled a table between you and Bucky, full of bottles and syringes, scissors and scalpels.

He fills a syringe up with a blue liquid from a bottle. He then proceeds to shine it in the light. “Who shall go virst, hmm? The lady-” he looks at you. “Or ze gentleman?”

“NO! i won’t let you hurt her. Give it to-” Bucky said, desperately; his eyes darting between you and Zola.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Barnes, I thought you knew better. Ladies first, is that not correct?”

Zola then proceeds to walk over to the end of your table with your head on it, grabbing it by the chin and setting it straight so it won’t move.

“Just a little zomehting, hmm?” a pause. “To enhance that little ability of yours.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “W-What ability, sweetheart? What’s he talking about?”

There are no more words from any three of you and Zola plunges the needle into your neck in such a harsh manner, making you scream and causing your whole body to thrash. It causes your whole body to go numb and a pounding headache to arise.

The last thing you hear before you black out is Bucky yelling a “NO!” and Zola laughing.

This was going to be a long day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER 3RD, 1943.

KRAUSBERG, AUSTRIA. A HYDRA BASE.

12:00 HOURS.

You wake up slowly and easily this time, the sunshine on your face. The room was quiet this time. No Zola, no harsh light in your face. Just a numb body and a migraine.

The straps didn’t hurt anymore, for some reason.

You turned your head to see Bucky, also waking up from his -chemical- induced sleep. “What’d they do to you, Buck?” He turns his head. The tear marks are evident on his face. He sighs.

“More like what didn’t they do? I feel awful.”

This brought tears to your eyes. “My feet hurt so much. I can’t feel much else. It’s pretty numb. Buck. I’m scared.” He stares back at you, tears welling up in his eyes. All he wanted was to keep you safe. If it were up to him, he’d whisk you off to Brooklyn, right now. Maybe you could meet his Ma, Rebecca too. You could be the best of friends.

He would take you dancing, after you’d both reveal the relationship to Howard. He’d be mad at first, but then able to see eye to eye with you. he would dress in his tailored navy blue suit, only one he had. Oh, and you’d be wearing that stunning sky blue dress you told him about once, with a red lip and victory curls. Absolutely beautiful.

He thought about it more. He’d pick you up exactly at 9′o’clock, your brother greets him at the door. You’re still getting ready, and Howard reluctantly invites him in. You’d eventually come down the stairs, a little bit out of breath, but stunning nonetheless. Howard is happy, but he’d never show it in front of Bucky.

You’d dance cheek to cheek. He brings you home exactly at 10:30, like Howard instructed demanded. He’d kiss just your cheek, knowing Howard is probably watching, probably holding a bat. Made of wood. Or maybe metal. Or maybe both. You’d go up to your room after saying goodnight. You’d put on a nightgown, and just before putting your hair in rollers you’d hear him climbing up the fire escape to give you a proper kiss, just as Howard walks in with the bat in hand, ready to shoo him off.

It would be perfect, albeit a bit chaotic. But there be peace and no pain, and that’s what mattered.

The tears stream down his face. “Darlin’, what was he talking about? What ability? Enhance what?”

Your eyes start to tear up as well. “I’m sorry! I was so scared!” You break and before you know it, you’re crying so much it shakes the table.

“Doll, you don’t have to tell me now-”

“I want to. I should’ve a long time ago. It’s called Telekinesis. I can move objects with my mind, if I focus. But it’s still hard sometimes. I don’t know what he did to me!”

“Hey, sugar. Oh, my love. It’s alright. We’re going to be just fine, I promise ya. Just close those eyes for me. I’ll still be here when you wake up, alright?”

Nodding, you laid your head back and relaxed, as much as you possibly could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER 3RD, 1943

THE ALLIED POWERS’ BASE, ITALY.

19:00 HOURS.

The thunder was as loud as gunshots and could probably be heard all the way in Spain. But the rain made the mood all the more bitter as Steve sat drawing in a little sketchbook.

“Hello Steve.”

Steve, hearing Peggy, turns around. She seems sad, tear marks on her face. “Hi. What are you doing here? Is everything okay, if you don’t mind me asking?”

She quickly wipes her face with her hands. “Officially, I’m not here at all.That was quite the performannce.”

Dodging his head back to the ground, “Yeah. I had to improvise a bit. Most of the crowds are a bit - are a bit more.. twelve-.” He looks back up at her. “But you’re dodging the question. Are you ok?”

“Schmidt sent forces out to Azzano. There were two-hundred men went up against him, led by newly appointed Lieutenant General Y/N Stark. Less than fifty returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th. The rest where either killed or captured, we don’t know.”

Steve’s heard perks up. “The 107th?”

Both hiding under Peggy’s coat, they ran to General Phillip's tent under the rain. They walk in to a frantic man, talking to the General so fast, he might just run out of words.

“Captain Andrews, I’ll need you to calm down.” he turns to Peggy and Steve “Ah, the Star-Spangled man with a plan. What’re you up to?”

“I need the casualty list from Azzano. I just need one name-”

“You’re not one to give me orders, son.”

Both men are interrupted by Captain Andrews. “Excuse me sir, my name is Tommy Andrews. I-I’m a Captain, I serve in Lieutenant General Stark’s Company.”

Steve looks at him with a range of emotion on his face. “Hello, Captain. What can you tell me?”

Tommy takes a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. “We had just set up camp in Bordeaux, resting up before invading Azzano. It wasn’t time yet. but we were too late, and we were ambushed. The Lieutenant General told me to run away with as many men as I could. Told me to contact General Philips. Both the Lieutenant General and your friend, Sergeant Barnes were captured. I’m sorry.”

Steve shook his head. “There’s no need to be sorry, Captain. You did what was right, following your orders.” he turns to General Phillips.

“Since when is Stark a Lieutenant General? When did he-”

“She. His sister. Not him, Rogers.” General Phillips cut him off.

“But how-. Look. just give me their names. Tell me their alive. B-A-R-N-E-S and S-T-A-R-”

“I’ve signed more condolence letters than I care to count. Her brother is devastated. But Barnes does sound familiar. I’m sorry, son.”

“General, but what about a rescue mission?”

“They are 30 miles behind enemy lines. In some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. Possibly in the world. We’d lose more men than we’d save. You wouldn’t understand, chorus girl.”

“I understand just fine.”

“Then go understand somewhere else. From what I know, you’ve got somewhere to be in 30 minutes.”

“I do.”

Phillips starts to say something, but Steve already took off, Peggy behind him.

While he’s putting on a jacket and helmet, Peggy asks “Are you insane?! What’re are you going to do, walk to Austria? And as the General said, they’re probably dead!”

“These are my friends, Peggy!”

“You don’t think I- Y/N’s been my best friend since secondary school. She’s the older sister I always wished I had! It like losing family, Steve!”

Steve walks out of the tent, loading his stuff in the car. “You told me before I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?”

There’s a silence as the pair stare into each others eyes. “Every word, Steve. But let me help you.”

~~~~~~~

On the plane, Peggy is showing Steve a map, where he’s supposed to be headed. “The HYDRA camp is in Krausberg, between these two mountains.”

“We should be able to drop you off right at their doorstep.” Howard said from the cockpit, in a cold tone.

“Just get me as close as you can. Howard, how are you holding up?”

“Listen here Rogers. You don’t talk about her, don’t think about her. You didn’t know her like I did.”

“Sir, with all due respect, she was my friend-”

“WELL SHE WAS MY SISTER! She was all I had left. Now if you don’t bring back her Company and ease that poor Captain Andrews’s soul, I will make sure the rest of your life is miserable.”

There’s a sad silence throughout the plane. Peggy speaks up. “Stark is the best civilian pilot I’ve ever seen. He’s brave enough to man this airspace. We’re lucky to have him.”

Gunshots are heard, and the trio knows they’ve arrived at the destination. Steve approaches the door, ready to jump out. “When I land, you turn this thing around and go back, understood?”

“You can’t give me orders!”

“Like hell I can, I’m Captain!”

~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER 3RD, 1943.

KRAUSBERG, AUSTRIA. A HYDRA BASE.

20:00 HOURS.

“Bucky-Bucky, wake up!” you say, trying to get him to open his eyes. He does, but once again stares off into space. Once he hears you crying, he turns his head. “Hi. Are you okay? How much does it hurt, sweetheart?”

“It’s almost nothing. Something is different, although. I can feel it.” you said, through sobs.

“We’re gonna be alright. You know that, right?”

You take a deep breath and nod. “You think we’re gettin’ out of here?”

“We can only hope.”

You close your eyes and tilt your head back as gunshots are heard outside, and someone running down the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the narrow corridor, Steve hears a groan and cries from the ‘operating’ room the soldiers had told him about. Looking both ways before going in, he enters the room slowly, with caution. As he pears in further, he sees to people strapped to tables. He make his way closer to them, and there laying there-

Bucky, Bucky and you.

He walks over to undo the straps on Bucky’s body. “Hey, Hey Buck, it’s me.”

Bucky is able to focus his eyes on Steve “Hey. Steve”. Laying a hand on his shoulder, Steve whispered “I thought you were dead.”

“And I thought you were smaller. Please, I need to help her, Stevie. She’s hurting.”

Realizing who he’s talking about, he walks over to you, laying conscious on the table and undoing the straps. You come to and turn to see Steve and Bucky.

The crackle on gunshots is heard outside. The three of you flinch.

You are able to support yourself a bit better now. “Steve, hi. How are you doing? You ok?”

“Stark, I should be the one asking you that. Let’s get out of here.”

“Stevie, how do you two know each other? What happened to you?”

“I joined the army, all thanks to her and her Howard Stark.”

“You’ll have to tell me about it later.. Did it hurt? Is it permanent?”

“Only a little Buck. And yes, permanent so far. I hope it is.”

Coming from outside, the three of you hear an explosion, causing the three of you two walk down the hallway as quick as possible. You make it to the bridge above the power plants, and the three of you climb to the top, hoping to find an escape route, and quickly.

But like everything else today, it didn’t go as planned, as a thick German accent cut through the air. “Captain America! How exciting! I am a great fan of your films!” Schmidt said, being followed by Zola.

You whimper in fear, and as Bucky hears this, quickly tucks you into his side, stroking your hair in an attempt to calm you down. “Y/N Stark! I am a very very big fan of your work! Hydra would be blessed to have someone like you.”

Schmidt turns to Steve again. “So, looks like Dr. Erksine managed it after all. Not exactly an improvement, but impressive. I have to give it to him.”

Steve then proceeds to wack Schmidt across the face with his shield, which results in him knocking Steve back with a swift punch. Now on opposite sides of the bridge, Zola pushed a button that made both sides seperate from one another.

“You see, no matter what lies Erksine told you-”

You cling to Bucky in fear.

“I was his greatest success!” Schmidt then proceeds to take the skin off his face, to reveal a new, bald, red skull. “You pretend to be a simple soldier, Captain. But you refuse to admit that we’ve left humanity behind! Unlike you, I choose to embrace it proudly. Without fear!” Zola and Schmidt then proceed to go into an elevator, that carried them far away from the two of you.

There are more explosions from below, and Steve leads you both to climb another set of stairs. On this bridge, you encounter a narrow beam made of iron. The only thing separating you from the other side. “Okay one at a time.”

Steve looks between the two of you. “Y/N you first, please.” You shake your head. “I’ll be able to make it anyways. I have the serum. It’s in my blood.”

“That’s a story for another time. Bucky, i guess it’s you then.”

“No! I can’t just cross to the other side and leave here here!”

“Bucky, please just do it! I’ll be fine.” He proceeds to give you a quick peck on the lips and Steve helps him mount the beam. The beam creaks and falls down as he walks, but luckily he jumps just in time.

“Go on Buck! Get out of here!” you yell.

“No! Not without you guys!”

You back up to the side as Steve makes a brave jump across the bridge. That only leaves you on the platform. “C’mon! You can do it! I Know you can!”

Taking a deep breath, you unbutton your uniform coat, revealing the chest plate of your armor. Whipping out a sword, you throw it to the other side and jump.

The sword catches you in mid air, as one hand stuck to the railing. Steve and Bucky help you up.

“Let’s get out of here, boys.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER 4TH, 1943

THE ALLIED POWERS’ BASE, ITALY.

9:00 HOURS.

“I took a chance on you, Agent Carter. Now not only is America’s golden boy dead, but my Lieutenant General too. All because you had a crush.” General Phillips said.

“It wasn’t that, General. I believed in him.”

“I hope it’s a comfort to you when they shut this division down, Agent.”

Outside, there were a bunch of soldiers running. Not from, but to. “What in the hell is going on out there?” General Philips seemed to ask himself, as he made his way outside, Peggy following him.

There marching right beside Steve, were you and Bucky. The 107th had gone through hell, and made it back alive. Soldiers started cheering and clapping, approaching the group. There was even one who exclaimed “Look who it is!”

Howard hears all the commotion from his tent and goes outside to see what’s going on. He stands behind Peggy, hoping to catch a glimpse of what caused so much ruckus in the once silent base. It couldn’t be. You were supposed to be dead.

“General Philips, these men need medical attention.” said Steve, as you and Bucky stood at his side. Your turn to Bucky. “Told you we’d make it out, darlin’?”

“Maybe I should trust you more, Buck. Thank you.” You said as he locked his eyes with your own, wrapping his arm around you. “You better. I plan on having you around for a long time, sweetheart.”

“Really, now? I sure hope so, Buck. You’re my person.”

A smirk makes it’s way onto his face. “I’m your person? Well, then. I ain’t planning to let you go forever plus a day. I’m so happy to have you.”

“You better do something about it, wise-guy. I see Colonel Johnson eyeing me from the tactical tent-”

Before you can finish your sentence, he swoops you up, pulling you into a deep kiss as he lifts you off the ground and gives you a small spin.

“Barnes you are someth-”

“Y/N!” you and Bucky immediately pulled away from each other, and you turned to see Howard right in front of you. “Y/N! oh my god!”

You start to fiddle with the buttons on your uniform. “Howard! I’m sorry you had to find out like this-”

“Nonsense! I’m just glad your home. Even if it involved getting with- him” Howard said, making a hand gesture towards Bucky, who was behind you, cowering in fear. You wrapped your arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry, Howwie. I hate to make you worry.”

“Well, I also hate that you make me worried, but it isin’t your fault” You pull away from Howard’s hug and Bucky holds out his hand.

“I’d like to formally introduce myself, Mr. Stark. You haven’t let me introduce myself. My names James Buchanan Barnes, sir. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, without you threatening to fight me.”

Howard, hesitantly holding his hand out, “The pleasure is all mine, James. I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. All I want is to see my sister happy. Which, you obviously do so- maybe I won’t chase you with a bat.”

“Howard!”

He lets out a laugh. “I only want the best for you, you know that. Now, I’m pretty sure Phillips wants you to give a debriefing.”

You nod. “See you later, Buck?”

“You know it, darlin’” he walks off.

“He loves you, you know. You can tell from his eyes. You’ll always be able to tell from someone’s eyes, sis.”

“What would you know? I be t you don’t even remember that one girl’s name!” you said, crossing your arms.

“Of course I remember. Maria, from New Haven. moved here to learn how to play piano. You’ve got to meet her sometime.”

“I hope so. Give her the sibling talk?”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Watch me.” you said, walking away.

“Wait-wait. This conversation isn't over!” he chases after you.

~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a long one, good god. anyways i spent an entire day on it so please show it some love. <3

- Talya

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #marvel #marvel imagines #marvel x reader #marvel x you #marvel x y/n #Steve Rogers #peggy carter x best friend! reader #peggycarter #Howard Stark #howard stark x sister reader

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littlewickedwiccan · 4 years

Text

For The Workers

Chapter 2

Alfie x Reader

Warning: Swearing, obvs

Authors note: Wasn’t sure if I was going to carry this on but everyone was so lovely that I couldn’t not. Enjoy and let me know if you want to be tagged in future chapters!

Chapter 1 || <--> || Chapter 3

Tags: @itsjusttaralove

It had been a few weeks since you’d ended up as a spare part in Tommy’s wheeling and dealing with the man you now knew as Alfie Solomons. It had been a bumpy start to a new business relationship. Tommy was still unsure as to whether Alfie could be trusted and there had been some tension and a bit of backstabbing, but it seemed as though they’d finally finished pissing about and had reached an agreement.

You’d secretly hoped that Tommy would need you by his side for a few more of those Camden visits, but things had gone back to normal and he’d been keeping you away. You’d convinced yourself that you’d just taken a shine to London, but there was a part of you that really wanted to get face to face with Alfie again.

You were making your way through the paint chipped wooden door of the betting office when Polly strided past you, making her way up the stairs and shouting down to you over her shoulder.

“Tommy wants you in his office Y/N, off you pop”

You let out a sigh, could you not get 5 minutes of rest before being summoned? Weaving your way through the tables and frantic betters you stepped through the glass paned door and into the dimly lit office. Tommy was sitting at his desk flicking through a pile of paper, an ashy cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. He didn’t look up, just gestured for you to take a seat.

“What can I do for you Tom? I’ve got stuff to be getting on with.”

He removed the cigarette from his mouth, stubbing it out in his ashtray and leaning back in his chair.

“I’ve got a business proposition for you Y/N. One I think you’ll enjoy.”

A business proposition? Tommy only ever involved you in this stuff when your presence benefitted the transaction. Usually you were used as a distraction or bait for attention starved gangsters, looking to impress you and get close by becoming an ally to Tommy Shelby. Yes he kept you out of the nitty gritty parts of Peaky business, but when he felt it was more than safe, he had no problem showing you off.

“As you know, Shelby company is expanding into the import/export business and we have joined with the Jewish gangs down in Camden, so we can use their warehouses.”

“Yes I’m aware” you said, trying to hide your excitement at the mention of Camden and hoping to hear Alfie’s name crop up.

“Well, we’ve been trying to figure out how we can make the merger a little less conspicuous. We’ve pretty much got everything covered, but we think that a woman’s presence at the warehouse could be the ideal preventative measure to any unauthorised searches.”

He’d been staring at the desk the whole time he’d been talking, but now his steely blue eyes moved to yours trying to gauge how much panic was rising within you.

You’d expected the panic also, especially after your last visit to Camden, but you were surprised when you felt nothing. This was going to be a step into the lion’s den for you and yet you didn’t feel an ounce of worry or trepidation about it, you felt ready.

“And you’d like that woman to be me is that it? I thought I was too delicate and respectable to get involved in such business Tom. What’s changed?”

“We need someone that looks and acts respectable in order to make the cover convincing. You have no reputation, no criminal record, no black mark against your name. You’re the perfect person to make this merger look legit”

He tapped out another white cigarette from its case, offering you one which you politely declined. He lit the tip and continued explaining his reasoning behind your new job role.

“I’ve already arranged for you to be taken care of, you’ll have Peaky boys down there watching the apartment at all hours and Alfie has allocated a couple of his men to keep an eye on you in the warehouse.”

“I haven’t even accepted yet…”

“You hate it here Y/N, don’t pretend now that you’re not interested in getting into the city, you’re just like Ada.”

You and Ada were very similar in age and nature and although you didn’t share her political views, you were still as close as sisters.

He was right, you did hate it in Birmingham, you’d originally run away from your home in Manchester and missed the hustle and bustle of city life. Of course you loved that you knew everyone, but that had its disadvantages sometimes, especially when it came to courting.

“So what would my job be? Ornament? Play thing? Fashion accessory?”

“I need you to keep track of the paperwork, admin mostly. Not that I don’t trust Alfie...”

He tapped the ash off his cigarette and took another puff.

“...but I don’t trust Alfie.”

You’d always been good with numbers, but as a woman, there wasn’t much you could really do with that skill, other than illegal bookmaker of course, but even that role had been kept away from you over the years.

“And Polly’s on board with this plan?” Your eyes narrowed at the thought of your temperamental guardian being OK with Tommy shipping you off to be around non-Peaky gangsters.

Tommy stood now, making his way over to a dark corner and leaning on a tall filing cabinet, his jacket lifting just enough to give you a glimpse of his halter and pistol tucked away next to his chest.

“Well… I’d be lying if I said she was happy about it, but when is Pol ever happy about anything? Besides, it’s not full-time. You only need to be there three days a week, Curly will take you down and bring you back. I’ve sorted lodgings for you when you’re down there and you’ll be paid, obviously, for your service. Any questions?”

“Yes actually, do I have a choice or has this been decided for me?” you said rolling your eyes and crossing your legs disapprovingly. You didn’t mind being taken care of and of course you were excited about being down in Camden more frequently, but being controlled and managed like just another employee didn’t sit well with you.

Tommy stared down at you now, carefully taking a drag of smoke and removing the butt from his lips, using it to point at you.

“No.”

And with that he lowered his head and started back to his desk chair, shifting his focus back to his papers and shuffling haphazardly. You took this as your queue to get the fuck out of his office and do as you were told.

Standing up, you made sure to push the chair back under the desk just a little too hard, making his ink bottle shake and throw up tiny dots onto his desk. You were just about to close the office door behind you when he shouted over to you.

“Say hello to Alfie for me.” You glanced back with your hand on the door handle to see him staring at you smiling.

“I’m sure you’ll be happy to see him again.”

You kept your face straight and composed, turning back around and slamming the door loudly behind you, making the glass rattle and customers jump at the sudden disruption.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me know if you want to be tagged in chapter 3!

#tommy shelby #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinders fandom #alfie x reader #alfie solomons #tom hardy #cillian murphy #alfie solomons fanfic #alfie x ofc

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bandzrus · 4 years

Text

The No Fun Tour (Part 16)

The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Masterlist

SUMMARY // You’ve been working as a roadie for Motley Crue for a number of years because of your interest in the music business and family connections with Doc. The boys just got off tour with Ozzy and things are looking promising for them. After babysitting Tommy for the last leg of the tour, the two of you admitted your feelings for one another. Your relationship is now out in the open, and you’re still trying to adjust.

NOTE // well this chapter took me waaaaay too long to write. I’m also not very happy with it, but it’s a filler chapter so I’ll live a guess. Only 4 more until TNFT is over! Crazy right?

WORDS // 2897

TAGLIST // @mainly-me @shamelessobsessions @broken-pieces @calspixie @shouttatthedevill @cigarettes-after-sexxx @thatbandchick39 @buckyofthemyscira @countrygirlswonderland @kawennote09 @tommyfuckinlee @miserablecunt @madsthegroupie @livingforrt @catsoo12 @whisky-a-go-go @motherloovebone @rysepieces98 @kickstartmyheartmc @voguesixx @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @princesof-theuniverse @cordysblog @everygoodusernameistaken16 @brooklyn-antiques @queens-rose-garden @fandomshit6000 @hxllywood-whxre @ladycrow666 @sandy-anakin @tamedhearts @cosmicsskies @repostsfanfics @bella-0104-123 @mustbeaweasleyginger @freddie-roger-brian-john @captainloki1 @divaanya @curlyrxth @krazykatkay456 @ratedrkohardychic91 @bohemian-war @whydoilooklikekurtcobain @xxchloejoe @imtrashlikeeveryoneelse @nassauartist @teddyboyharrison @anxieteaandsadboihours @thekidbakerinthetardis @bohorhap @allmyheart2 @darcytherandom @kitten-overdose @allie-mcginn @aliensforleaders @premiumcable @snitchthewitch @heavymetalprincessa @applcrumbl @pixrcethesirens @samantha2247-blog @goodoldfashionedqueen @sweetdayme4427 @writingmyanxietiesaway @therocketqueensaje @swoopygorl @chasityquinn @yesloverboy @scarecrowmax @vintageratdoctor @imtheonetheycalldrfeelgood @supertravelerofbothtimespacefan @totallynotkaibiased @anxious-diabetic @liebe-ist-ein-wildes-tier @perriwiinkle @itsametaphorbriansblog @juliarose21 @superstitiousinstincts @angstydogblog @99percentsure @knightwhosaysnii @motleybitxh @littlesunnymoon @joes-milk @everlinachevalier @vnathaliexisabelv @slowandangry @floregrohlssard @thoughtfullyscreechingphantom @thanks2pete @crazysaladchopshop @grungegirlfungirl @killer-queen-ofrhye @countryday @zoe0401 @lighthousefromthesea @mgirl08 @momothepeachgirl @luv4fandoms @katysfunsized @snatchedbylele @weakmoony-stuff @keepcalm-and-beyou @sincereleygmg @samanthadegaro @isabellarose5150 @letslyn @iwanttoberogersdrums @hailey-the-heathen @falcon-arrows @iiwontgiveuponmilkk @saturatedsunrise99 @fayereed15 @random-internet-user-4471 @high-voltage-rockandroll @defin8lyhetero @am-tired-bois @thexbasketcase @terminallydisorganised @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @samanthaofanarchy @cruebaby @ panics-at-the-everywhere @myheartdesirepure @volcaniccth @babypink224221 @tommy-lee-81 @oh-well1 @rosie-sixx @softommy @its-hope-babe @florenceivy @anotherhopefulgirl @lain-ee @star-incandescent @sharon6713 @irishhiggins @obsessivecompulsivedestructive @verywell-fandango @valentines-in-london @ggore-horror @samanthajbenbow @freddiessmallnipples @d0ntfitin @vamprlestat @yourfavbabymom @lauravic @the-soulless-spider @kellysimagines @princesadeltoro @kajk9727 @looksthatkill666 @rocknrollcantdie @kohanayaki @letdecemberburninflames @fanofnightz @leterscam @impartinghades @forthe-culture @blackrose8898 @chlobo6 @gnrskrt @tommyleeownsme @anyasthoughts @keithseabrook27 @nikki-six-is-daddy @phoenixbloodmoon @madeofsunshineandsugar @imgonnakillgod @yellow--inlove @accio--jesse @babybloomer @no-shxt-sherl ((sorry for not activating any of the tags; I had to remake this whole post and it takes FOREVER))

***

You couldn’t wrap your head around it. It had been days and you still couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that you and Tommy had been given the clear. It didn’t feel real. Which was funny in and of itself, because when did you and Tommy dating in secret start to feel real? It was just strange to think that the two of you could go out or talk about whatever you wanted and not have to watch yourselves. You didn’t have to worry about how much physical contact you were making, or how long Tommy was staring at you anymore. You could just… hold hands whenever you freaking felt like it.

Which you did. A lot.

So much so that Mick started making gagging noises whenever the two of you walked into the recording booth. The boys had been going in to record more and more lately, and you kept coming along for the ride. It was an easy way to spend time with them, since your time together with Motley Crue was going to be coming to an end in a month and a half. You’d still see them, just not nearly as much as you had in the past. It was going to be weird. Just as weird as you and Tommy being out and official.

“I was going to go out for coffee, you boys want anything?” you asked, leaning your hip on the doorframe of the recording room. Motley Crue was crowded onto the couches around a shrine of empty bottles, cans, ashtrays, fast-food wrappers, and scribbly lyric sheets. Tommy leaned backward over the back of the couch and gave you a big smile.

“Tall, black?” he said.

“Of course.”

“Can you do a booze run too, Y/N?” asked Vince. He draped his arm over the back of the couch and tried to imitate Tommy’s signature puppy dog eyes. You always pictured the blond more as a scraggly cat.

“It’s 2pm Vince.”

“So?”

“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!” Nikki said in an attempt to convince you. He still had a half-full bottle in his hand.

“The coffee shop is 5 minutes away, the liquor store is 20,” you sighed.

“Ah, come on, Y/N, please?” begged Vince. At this point in your career, you should have been invincible to the band’s pouting. But you weren’t. You let out a sigh.

“Fine. Just beer?”

“Daniels.”

“Anything else?”

“My groceries?” asked Mick, before he stopped himself. “Wait, never mind. Your hands have been on Tommy, I don’t want you contaminating my food.”

The band laughed.

“So tall black coffee, beer, and Daniels – got it,” you repeated, smiling at Mick’s tease anyway.

“Oh!” Nikki shot up. “If that guy down the street is selling hot dogs—“

“Fuck yeah, dude, those are killer ‘dogs!”

“Get the ‘dogs!”

“The ‘dogs! The ‘dogs! The ‘dogs!” the boys all started to chant. Laughing, you pulled your hip off the doorframe.

“Tall black coffee, beer, Daniels, and ‘dogs; I’ll be back,” you chuckled, giving them a wave and then sliding out of the building. You shook your head and smiled to yourself. Every damn day you spent with those boys they made you laugh. Tucking your hair behind your ear, you headed towards the coffee shop. The hotdog stand was on the way, and you prayed the guy was actually there today. You knew what kind of wrath you’d face if you came back empty-handed.

As you walked, you realized Tommy hadn’t offered to come with. Usually he’d abandon whatever the boys were working on to tag along with you. They had been working pretty hard on their new album (which sounded amazing, and they still had a long way to go), so maybe he just wanted to stay and work on it, but now that you’d thought about it, it was going to nag you. Was something going on? You’d spent enough time with Motley Crue to pick up signs that they were planning something.

Back in the recording studio, Tommy and the boys waited until you had left before they all huddled around the table.

“So what’s the game plan, T-bone?” asked Nikki, taking a quick swig of his drink and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Mick pulled his guitar into his lap.

“When she comes backs,” said Tommy, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Vinny, can you introduce the song?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Sweet.”

“Are we just going to start playing it then when Y/N comes through the door?” Mick cocked an eyebrow.

“That was the thought.”

“You have those?”

Vince and Nikki laughed and then Vince slapped the drummer on the back.

“It’s going to be great, Tommy, she’s gonna love it,” promised the singer.

“I fucking hope so, otherwise I’m going to look like a dumbass!”

“I think Y/N is into dumbasses.”

“Shut up, Mick.”

You’d overestimated how far away the liquor store was. It was probably more like 15 minutes; 10 from the coffee shop. Any normal person probably would have felt weird carrying a large coffee, three bottles of Jack Daniels, and a case of beer all together, but you were used to it. The hotdog guy obviously wasn’t bothered by it either. Coffee and case of beer in one hand, bag of Jack Daniels and hotdogs in the other, you somehow managed to get the studio door open with your foot.

“I’m back,” you called, waiting for it to shut before you headed to the recording room. You were trying to make sure you didn’t trip over any empty bottles and spill everything you were precariously balancing in your arms, when Vince’s voice got your attention.

“And next up we have a song called ‘Without You’,” the singer announced. “Written by Mr. Tommy Lee for the lovely Y/F/N.” He gave you a huge smile, and then a big sweeping gesture. You stood there in the doorway, cradling hotdogs as all the boys began to play.

Without you, there's no change

My nights and days are gray

If I reached out and touched the rain

It wouldn't feel the same

Without you, I'd be lost

I'd slip down from the top

I'd slide down so low

Girl, you'd never, never know

Without you, without you

A sailor lost at sea

Without you, woman

The world comes down on me

They all joined in for the chorus, and maybe it was just you, but Tommy was singing the loudest. You had been pestering him to sing more (ever since Gilligan’s Island), and in that moment it was the sweetest thing you’d ever heard. Vince might have been singing the rest of the song, but when you saw Tommy, you knew it was really him singing it to you.

Without you in my life I'd slowly wilt and die But with you by my side You're the reason I'm alive But with you in my life You're the reason I'm alive But without you, without you

Without you, there's no change My nights and days are gray If I reached out and touched the rain It wouldn't feel the same

Without you, without you I'm a sailor lost at sea Without you, woman The world comes down on me

You were crying. There in the hallway with your arms full of booze, coffee, and hotdogs, you were crying. You weren’t a crier, but this was the song Mick had told you about over the phone that night after the tour. This was the song Tommy had been working on. This was the one song you hadn’t heard them play yet and now you knew why.

Without you in my life

I'd slowly wilt and die

But with you by my side

You're the reason I'm alive

But with you in my life

You're the reason I'm alive

But without you, without you

I could face a mountain

But I could never climb alone

I could start another day

But how many, I don't know

You're the reason, the sun shines down

And the nights, they don't grow cold

Only you that I'll hold when I'm young

Only you, as we grow old

Without you in my life

I'd slowly wilt and die

But with you by my side

You're the reason I'm alive

In most cases you watched the whole band when they performed. But right now you had eyes only for Tommy. He wasn’t looking as his drums either; just at you. As the song wound down, you finally remembered you had stuff in your arms and quickly deposited it on what available table space there was. Your hands were free just as Vince put down the mic.

“Oh my god!” you cried, hastily scrubbing your cheeks with the backs of your hands. “Did you write that, Tommy?!” You knew he had, but nothing could have prepared you for this.

The drummer had put down his drumsticks and was making his way over to you when you threw your arms around him.

“Did you seriously write that? It’s beautiful!”

“Yeah,” said Tommy, blushing. His hands felt warm around your waist.

“Tommy it’s amazing!” You planted a kiss on him.

“I wrote it for you.”

And there it was again. Every DAMN time! You didn’t think you could love him any more and then he did something and somehow you did. For fucks sake he wrote a song about you! Not only was it the most romantic thing anybody had ever done for you EVER, you knew from years of experience with music that once somebody wrote a song about you – you became immortal.

“Holy shit Tommy, I can’t believe it.”

“So you liked it then?”

“Liked it?! Tommy, I swear to god there is NOTHING that could make me love you more right now.”

The drummer finally stopped fighting the smile he had been holding back.

“Wanna bet?”

“GET A ROOM!” shouted Mick, causing the both of you to start laughing. Still hugging the drummer for all you were worth, you shuffled over to the couch where the rest of the band was congregating.

“I can’t believe you guys did that for me,” you breathed, wiping your nose and smiling up at Tommy. “I can’t believe you wrote the song, AND made me walk 15 minutes to the damn liquor store just so you could surprise me with a concert when I got back!”

The boys all chuckled and ducked their heads. They looked so cute and suddenly you were struck with a wave of sadness. You were going to miss them all so much.

“It was all Tommy’s idea,” Mick confessed. “We just went along with it ‘cause we knew it’d make you happy.”

“Since Mick’s not gonna say it,” sighed Vince. “We’re all really going to miss you, Y/N.”

It was your turn to laugh, but you could tell the blond caught the tinge of sadness in it.

“I’m not gone yet, guys.”

“Not to ruin this touching moment or anything, but you got the ‘dogs right?” Nikki asked, sliding back onto the couch. Everyone started laughing and you could feel the sadness leave the room again.

“Right in front of you, Nik,” Tommy gestured, his hand still resting warmly on your waist.

Motley Crue had finished their studio session about an hour ago. All the guys went their separate ways, but Tommy suggested the two of you go for a walk instead of just heading home right away. The air was fresh and it was still light out, plus it was quality time with the drummer. Hell yes you wanted to go for a walk.

Somehow being on tour had made you forget how much you loved LA. You’d spent a lot of time walking the streets in the early days of Motley Crue. There were so many beautiful houses and little stores that showed off just how unique a place it really was. It didn’t surprise you at all that so many people came here to follow their dreams – there was something for everyone. You smiled inwardly knowing you were one of them, and you’d succeeded. It was almost a little scary how perfect your life seemed right now. A tiny part of you was waiting for the hammer to drop, but you kept reminding yourself that it already had when Doc found out about you and Tommy.

You and the drummer had been walking probably for an hour when you came upon a park. It was getting late, the sun was going down, and the park was empty.

“Wanna sit down for a bit?” Tommy asked, eyeing up a bench.

“Only if we get to sit on the playground,” you smiled, tugging at his jacket to follow you.

“Are we five?”

“Maaaaybe.”

It had been a long time since you’d been on a playground. You’d always been a monkey-bar fiend as a kid and you made a mental note for later to see if you still were. Clambering up, you laughed as Tommy tried to scale the fire-pole in leather pants and cowboy boots. Finally you had to give him a hand. Hauling his dumbass up, the two of you sat on the highest platform and leaned against the rail.

“The sunset looks cool,” you pointed out. The clouds were all pink, and just where the buildings interrupted the horizon, the sky was liquid fire.

“You look pretty cool,” mocked Tommy, bumping your knee with his. The fucker was so damn cute. You snuggled into his side and pushed your hand into his. How insane was this.

“I still can’t believe this is all happening,” you said, finally voicing what had been circulating around in your head since your conversation with Doc.

“The us-allowed-to-date part, or the management part?”

“Both.”

“Yeah, it is kinda insane,” agreed Tommy, resting his head again the rail and looking up at the sky. You wished you had your camera on you – he looked beautiful.

“It doesn’t really feel real. I keep waiting for the hammer to drop or for me to wake up or something.”

“Me too.”

“I’m glad it is real.”

“I really don’t know if I could survive if it wasn’t,” Tommy said. His chin came to rest on top of your head and you wanted to sit there forever with him. He smelled good; like Tommy. The two of you watched the sky for a while, enjoying the quiet; something that didn’t happen often in Motley Crue, until Tommy broke the silence.

“Did you really like the song?” he asked, rubbing his thumb in circles over your hand. The look you gave him should have said it all.

“Tommy, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You really mean that?”

“One-hundred and ten percent.”

“Mkay. Just wanted to make sure,” the drummer blushed.

“If I kiss you, will you stop doubting yourself like an idiot?” you inquired, leaning in until there was barely an inch between your lips.

“Yes,” promised Tommy.

So you did. Gentle and tender; probably the softest you’d ever kissed him. Reaching your hands up to his hair, you felt the drummer’s rough ones pull you close. And then you kissed him again – longer this time (and maybe a little harder). You could feel him smile into it. Shifting so you could get a better angle, it wasn’t long before the whole thing turned into a damn make-out session. After a few minutes you had to pull back and laugh.

“Oh my god,” you snickered. “I feel like I’m in fucking high school.”

“It’s the playground.”

“No, it’s us making out like a bunch of idiots.”

“Does that mean you wanna stop?”

“Fuck no.”

Straddling Tommy’s lap, it was your turn to smile into the kiss. Making a cute little noise as Tommy’s kisses moved from your lips down your jawbone, you settled into his lap. The drummer’s lips were still heading south, and you shuddered under the touch of his fingers as they tugged at your collar.

“Tommy,” you mumbled, brushing your hair out of his way.

“Mm?”

“What are you doing?”

The drummer stopped his kisses for a brief moment to answer, but his hands were starting to lift up the hem of your shirt.

“Nothing.”

Your hands were knit deep in his hair, and it was taking a bit more concentration than it should have to keep quiet. The LA air was starting to cool off and as it hit your skin, you felt yourself break out in goosebumps. Tommy’s warm knuckles against your stomach as he felt under your shirt were a welcome feeling. That and the drummer knew what to do with his damn hands.

“Tommy,” you tried again, feeling your willpower to say no to him decrease by the second. “We probably shouldn’t be doing this at a park.”

“Mm, but doesn’t it make you feel like just a little bit of a rebel?” asked the drummer, his hands getting dangerously high and his lips dangerously low.

“I’ve been a rebel for a long time.”

“I guess so – you decided to go out with me.”

“Yes.”

“Do you wanna –“ he paused for a moment, finally bringing his lips back to yours. “—go back to my place?”

To answer his question, you sank a little lower into his lap.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Tommy smirked, grabbing your hand and pulling you down the slide.

***

sorry guys! I don’t know what happened to this post - it was fine up until December 8th. Hopefully it stays put now. :(

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Nine

A/N: soooooo, last minute I decided to torture you guys:) I made the chapter into 2 parts, next part will be posted tomorrow night. I'm prepared to be cussed out in the comments 😤 love y'all tho

Also, I'm saving the picture for the next part because *cough cough* so I'm sorry if this appears a little naked.

Words: 2.6k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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S e p t e m b e r 1 9 8 7

“Where are you--”

I’m shut up with the sound of Nikki slamming the door before I can finish asking him where he’s going, and I let out a heavy breath.

"--Going." I finish my question with a heavy sigh.

We’ve only been off the road for a couple days and tomorrow is our last day home, so we decided it’d just be easier for us to stay at the house instead of one of us sleeping elsewhere, but he’s been staying somewhere else every night we’ve been home...I don’t want to know who he’s been staying with or what they’ve been doing, so I haven’t bothered to ask.

I glance at the clock, seeing it’s 5:47pm, and go ahead and assume that since he’s been leaving the house around this time every day and hasn’t been coming back until the next morning, that he’s not coming home again until tomorrow.

Which means I’m by myself, being that Karen is on a small vacation ever since we’ve been home and she hasn’t been having to watch our house.

“Great.” I sarcastically mumble to myself, deciding to start on dinner, Whisky staying under my feet. "If Daddy isn't careful, I'm going to choke him with his own hair." I say to him and he looks up at me with a wagging tail and big smile. "Glad we can agree."

I get one pan out of the cabinet before I’m putting it on the counter, and sighing out.

“You know what? I don’t want to cook.” I state, putting the pan back, shutting the cabinet door, and stepping to the phone, dialing a number.

It rings a couple times before the line is picked up, and I smile at the voice on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Stevie, it’s Viv.” I tell him.

“Hey, babe, what's going on?" He asks me.

"I'm looking for Duff, do you know where he is?"

"He's in the shower." He replies. "You want me to tell him you're on the line?"

"No, it's okay, just tell him to gimme a call ba--"

"--Duff, it's Viv!" I hear Steven scream and I cringe, pulling the phone away from my ear a little.

I hear Duff's muffled reply, opening my mouth to tell Steven that I'll call back later, but I'm being cut off again.

"I said, 'Viv's on the line'!" Steven yells again, hearing Duff respond. "He's coming." Steven assures me.

"Stevie, you could've waited until he was out of the shower." I comment.

"Trust me, Viv, he would want me to interrupt him if it's for you." He states. "Ok, he's here, I love you, bye."

"Love you, bye." I reply.

"Hey." Duff takes over.

"Hey, I'm sorry I interrupted your bathing, I tried telling Stevie you could just call me back later."

"No, no, Viv, you're fine." He assures me.

"Oh."

"What's up?" He asks and I look around my kitchen.

"Um...I was just wondering if you're free tonight?"

The line is quiet for a second and I raise my brows, rubbing my lips together, waiting for him to say something.

"...Hello?"

"Oh, yeah, s-sorry, you wanna do something or something or--I mean, like you wanna hangout? B-Because I'm free, ya know. Yeah." He stutters out awkwardly and I hold back a laugh.

"Smooth." I hear Steven comment in the background.

"Dude, shh!" Duff replies in a whisper. "Um, anyway, yeah, I'm not busy."

"Okay, I was gonna order take out if that's okay with you?"

"Whatever you want is fine with me." He offers.

"Okay." I reply.

There's a long pause and the both of us finally try to talk at the same time:

"Alright, well--"

"Cool, so--"

We stop for a second, the two of us chuckling a little.

"Sorry, you go." He tells me.

"I was gonna say, 'I'll see you in a few minutes'." I say.

"Good deal, I'll see you then." He agrees.

"Okay."

Again, another awkward silence.

"...Okay."

"Okay."

The phone is suddenly hanging up, the dial tone in my ear, and I quirk a brow, before putting the phone back on the hook.

I wasn't sure why things were so freaking awkward with us, nothing had changed, nothing had happened. I hadn't seen him since the Playboy shoot a month and a half prior, so I didn't understand what exactly shifted.

I hear the doorbell ring and Whisky starts barking while I grab the Chinese takeout boxes and some silverware.

"Whisky, who is it?" I ask him sweetly as I step to the door, opening it to see all six feet, four inches of Duff.

He's in a CBGB t-shirt and black jeans, a bag of gummy worms and a six pack of Pepsi in hand.

"Hi." He says, and I step aside and let him in as Whisky immediately starts sniffing at him, starting at his boot, up his leg, and I politely keep him from getting too personal as soon as his nose goes for his crotch.

"Ohhhkay, Whisky, that's enough." I tell him, nudging him away from Duff as he hands me the Pepsi and candy, crouching down to pet him.

"No, it's fine. He's just trying to know me." Duff chuckles, he and Whisky bonding the second his fingers move over the back of Whisky's ears, making him melt like butter in Duff's hands.

After a few minutes of me putting our food on plates and him going to wash his hands, we're finally eating in the living room floor, at the coffee table, with the dog eating his food several feet away, despite coming over to try to eat some of ours every now and then.

"So, like, apparently Nikki's trying to get you guys a spot on the tour." I inform him and he raises his brows.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Slash and Stevie have been conspiring and shared it with Nikki...and he loves you guys so he and Tommy and Vince and Mick are down for it. He's been pestering Doc and Doc said he'd contact your manager a little later." I add.

"Well, we've got some shows coming up to promote the album but, I mean, I don't see the harm in going on tour with them." He shrugs. "It'd be good exposure."

"It would."

"I don't know." He shakes his head a little, swallowing another bite of Lo mein, and I furrow my brows. "I just expected more people to buy 'Appetite'. And they would, if we had our video on MTV, and radio actually played us." He vents. "We're just chomping at the bit, ready to run our asses off the second the race starts, and nobody's firing the fucking starting gun."

The radio was afraid to play them, MTV refused to put their video for "Welcome to the Jungle" on air because John Malone (who owned half of the cable-houses that broadcasted MTV) only saw them as a heroin band, and promoting them wouldn't sit right with his strong Republican, conservative,"christian" morale...so he threatened to drop MTV if they played Guns N' Roses.

"I can talk to Doc and see if he can pull any strings. I mean if they'll play Mötley Crüe--"

"--Tom is vouching for us to anyone that will listen." He explains. "Right now it's not something to worry about, but if it's still like this six months from now, we need to panic a little."

"There's no way in hell it's gonna take six months for you guys to pick up traction." I state in disbelief.

"Viv--"

"--If six months from now you guys still aren't on MTV, I'll harass whoever I need to, to make it happen. I'll go to their houses." I promise and he shakes his head, chuckling.

I was serious, and I ended up delivering on that.

"None of them are worth the trouble. Just a bunch of money-hungry hypocrites hiding behind religion to validate their assbackwards logic." He shrugs.

"You sound like my dad." I point out and he smiles, taking another bite of food as I sip from my bottle of Pepsi.

He stares at me for a moment before I'm raising my brows, silently asking him what's up.

"So, like, how is your dad so cool and your mom is so…" he trails off and I take a breath, shrugging a little.

"That's how she was raised. I mean, I know that's not an excuse but her mom and dad were both that way on her and my aunt--my aunt obviously cracked under the pressure and just gave up trying to please them back when she was a teenager. My grandparents have been dead for years now but my mom still acts like she's trying to make them happy." I mumble. "Which, according to my dad, she wasn't always like that. She did a small 'wild' thing one time, and got knocked up with me."

"What?!" He gawks.

"They got married seven months early to avoid her parents knowing what they had done." I add.

"Dude, imagine losing your virginity and getting pregnant from it." He tries to hold back a laugh.

"My mom always told me I was planned, and once I was old enough to do the math between my birthday and their anniversary, I put the pieces together and my dad finally told me what happened when I turned sixteen."

He nods, and licks his lips, awkwardly clearing his throat before saying:

"So...what about your first time?"

I scoff, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Um, seventeen, Nikki, their roach-motel apartment."

"You've only dated one guy?"

"Yeah." I nod.

"Wow…" he says it like it's hard to believe.

"What's that mean?"

"I just expected you to have dated a couple more guys before settling on Nikki." He replies.

"I didn't settle for Nikki." I tell him, matter of fact. "Being with him was a good idea at the time." I add.

"Nah, I get it. That's how it was with my first big-boy girlfriend."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What happened to her?"

He takes a second, taking in a heavy breath, but trying to keep things light with his smile.

"We were, like, kids basically. Like sixteen/seventeen, and I had to go out of town to visit some family, and when I got back she told me she had hooked up with this dude at a party while I was away. And we broke up, and then got back together, and then things were good for another year until the big heroin epidemic hit Seattle." He informs me. "It got its hooks in her and wouldn't let go. I finally just had to break things off because I couldn't watch her kill herself in an overdose like some of my friends had already done, and I left for L.A. shortly after. I know that's selfish but ignorance is bliss. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I were to ever find out she'd died." There's a small gloss to his eyes, like he's holding back a few tears.

"That's not selfish." I tell him, shaking my head. "Some people aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Some are just there to grow you in some way and if it's not God's will for them to stay around you he gives you the strength to just walk away." I suggest.

"Is that what's happening with you and Nikki?" He asks next, looking at me. "He's giving you the strength to walk away?"

"God's ignoring me currently so I wouldn't know." I admit. "He wants me to stay with Nikki, but Nikki won't even say whether or not he truly wants a divorce. He just avoids the conversation. I think he feels like if he ignores it, the issue will resolve itself."

"Well...what do you think? I mean, has anyone asked how you feel about this? Like having to make people think you guys are together and stuff."

"It doesn't really matter how I--or even Nikki--feels."

"Okay, Vivian, I didn't ask about Nikki, alright?" He politely tells me and I sigh.

"I'm miserable." I finally get it out. "We pose for pictures in magazines, still, a-and pile on the PDA anytime press is around and it freaking sucks. Because we're arguing more and more lately so it's like as soon as we get inside we're going back to being mean to each other. And I'm over him, like I've accepted the fact that we're more than likely divorcing, I've gotten all of it out of my system, but the waiting and dragging it out for another year is just getting to me." A couple tears topple over my lashes.

"If you want out then get out, Viv." He says to me.

"It's not that simple, Duff."

"Yes, it is. You're just waiting for Nikki to tell you he wants to work things out, and using Doc telling you guys to hold off on any decisions until the tour is over, as an excuse." He states, as noninvasive as possible and I hate to hear the truth. "If you wanna stay, stay, if you want to leave him, leave him. You shouldn't have to explain yourself either way. It's your own business but at least be honest with yourself and call it what it is."

"I will when you do." I argue and he looks at me with raised brows.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, please, Duff, you act like this when you're sober but then when you're drunk you're telling me you love me." I state. "You're not being honest with yourself, either."

His brows furrow.

"Viv, what the fuck am I suppose to do? Huh? You're married. You've been married."

"Barely."

"What do you want me to do about it?" He defensively chuckles out.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Nikki's done a lot for me and the band, and I don't want to disrespect you or him so I've kept to myself, alright? So just leave it at that and let's finish eating because I got rehearsal tomorrow." He tries to change the subject.

"He had an entire mistress, Duff, telling me how you really felt about me wouldn't have--"

"--You wanna know how I really feel about you? Fine. I don't understand how someone so beautiful and insanely kind could fucking exist, but you do. My hands get all weird and sweaty and gross when you're around. I can barely walk at times because my legs feel like jello anytime I'm talking to you. It pisses me off that you're so talented and a fucking genius but all you see is how you aren't good enough because you aren't the 'type' that guys like Nikki usually desire--but I'm telling you now, people stare at you anywhere we go like you're healing lepers or something and it's definitely not because they think you're ugly. I know what my boundaries are and would never purposely do something that would make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry I said that to you when I was shitfaced. I'd much rather have told you when I was sober, but there's never been a point of me telling you because--"

"--Tell me." I cut him short. "You're sober." I point out, shifting to my knees. "So tell me."

He licks his lips, his breathing picking up slightly as he looks me dead in the eyes.

"I love you." He tells me. "I love you, Vivian." He repeats it, more confidently. "I have since the day we met."

I nod a little, my eyes getting teary and I'm kissing him before I can talk myself out of it.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

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ts-2020-olympics · 4 years

Text

Episode 7 - “I wonder why you're not liked” - Nicole (& Ben)

Glad I sat out on that one - really didn't know anything Survivor related. Darcy's score of 12 is a huge shame, but gives me incentive to vote him out. He tried, he flopped, that's how it is. If it's me going this round, GGWP.

Oh yeah! So, Nicole returned to the game.... Grrreat. It was probably the worst outcome I could have, but honestly, I don't want to dwell on it too long. With Nicole and Jacob both back in the game and Juls out of it, my fate looks worse and worse each day, as my list of allies continues to shorten and my list of enemies only gets longer. I feel very scared for the future, and rather trapped as of now, trapped between millions of possibilities, none of which have me doing very well. But hey, hasn't that been how it's been since Day 1 of this game? I started things off on Sonkei, a tribe so quiet I couldn't tell if I was running the show or on the bottom of everything until like 3 tribal councils in. A tribe where every new enemy I made would come back from the arena with a vengeance, and things only got harder. A tribe where I consistently lost challenges despite putting in my all. Then I got to nuMIraitowa, and my time here has been incredibly hectic. A bumpy road, to say the least. It's been a journey of gaining friends and then losing them, knowing people are lying but not knowing why, and just struggling to find the tiniest crack so I can get off the fucking bottom and just... SURVIVE. It's really been tough out here, and you can see the game starting to wear me down. My insanity is starting to come through in the main chats and honestly I've just lost all patience and tolerance that I had at the beginning of the game, the real me is beginning to show through. The one who lashes out, and desperately tugs at every heartstring possible, and says exactly what he's thinking without giving a fuck who's listening or the repercussions it might have down the line. Who makes everything public. I KNOW that these things are not typically good for my game, and yet, I just find myself so inclined to do them. Even though they've never helped me win anything, I can't help but be true to myself. I don't know, I guess I just feel frustrated. I'm at a place in ORGs where I feel so helpless, like I'm the victim of my own personality. I know exactly what's holding me back but I can't seem to just get past it. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll play exactly true to myself, 100% me, and people will like that person enough to want to work with him or be happy to reward him a win. But it hasn't happened yet and I don't know if it can happen here anymore. I'm really struggling to push through. But, if there's one thing I'll never do, it's give up. Even when everything feels like it's caving in and I'm ready to just collapse, like I was saying earlier - no matter how much I want to do something, the real me ALWAYS fights back and does what it wants anyway. And the real me can't give up. Deep down in my core I always fight back, I always stand up for myself, sometimes even when I'm wrong. I just can't stand letting things go, and I know it's a character flaw, but hell, it's also a strength, and it's something I'm proud of, in a weird way. I don't want to be the player who gives in, never reveals anything, or plays it safe. I want to play it my way because if I don't, then how can I enjoy a win? How can I be proud of myself for winning if it wasn't ME that won? I have to win it my way, and sure, right now it looks difficult. VERY difficult. Maybe even impossible. But I'm approaching on the Final 16, and maybe, just maybe, a swap is on the horizon. Maybe new things are coming and maybe this entire game is about to reinvent itself for me. I've got allies in Jordan, Eve, Pete... potential allies in Caeleb, Ben, Sammy, Kevin... Maybe I could fix things with Emma. Honestly, who knows what's ahead. I'm very scared, partly, if that wasn't obvious by this big emotional confessional. But I'm also kind of exhilarated, this is exactly what Survivor is supposed to be and I can't wait for the next stage of the game. These are the Olympics, so it's go big or go home. Let's do this.

Hello again, this is Darcy here reporting with more confessing. So, for starters, I still have yet to find something at the Olympic Village, which is really nothing new at this point of the game. Now for the fun parts, my tribe lost Immunity, which not really surprising, since that kind of challenge I felt whoever had gold medal won that challenge. So, we get to enjoy another tribal, where I am hoping for it to be Ben, since Ben is the one I trust the least, due to hearing about Ben wanting to come for me last round if I lost immunity, assuming that was a true tidbit anyways. I have a feeling this vote could be between Ben and I, but here's to hoping Ben targets someone else and not me woo! I do have enough trust in my alliance with Beck, Tommy and Karen though that us four should hopefully stick together to just take out the common enemy in Ben. Then Ben may come back again with a gold medal, but if he does, I mean good for him.

I'm back, babes! Okay, so regarding my last confessional...I guess maybe I went a little too hard on some people. But, I was angry and validly so. Nothing much has changed even though I'm really good at faking forgiveness. About twenty minutes after I dropped in the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR PRESSURE COOKER, Sammy messages me asking to call!

I'm back babes! So as soon as I got back after the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR ENDURANCE, people were all of the sudden really happy to see me -- which was a LOT different than 24 hours prior! I talked to my best ally Kevin first, of course! I really hope at the end of the game Kevin's confessionals aren't like "oh geez and then I had to talk to Nicole, she's so annoying" bc I will be crushed, as a person he is just so nice and I'm so happy we have been given the opportunity to become friends from this game! So I talk to Kevin, then Caeleb and then...whatta know! Sammy! Right to the rescue, he wants to call after 1) voting me out 2) revoting me out. Now, long story short I made significant peace with Sammy through the phone call BUT something did happen that really did not sit well with me. While we were calling he said he DIDN'T want to apologize because we both did things wrong. Hm. Well, Sammy! Okay! I would have had more respect and less wariness of him moving forward if he did apologize but, he didn't. He kind of said like "ok so i know i lied about the advantages I had in this game and gave you nothing to trust me off of, got mad when you didn't trust me, then decided I was going to vote with Eve to get rid of you, revoted to seal your fate and called you out on a tribal call like 'if anyone wants to apologize now would be the time', but i don't think I NEED to apologize because, we were equally wrong.' Someone please explain to ME how exactly it is that we would be equally wrong when everything I did was to protect myself, and everything he did was because he had other people he could trust over me. Now that Juls is gone and he kind of showed his ass, he's now saying hey haha let's work together again though! I haven't decided if I want to do that, AND now I have a lot more options because people saw how kick ass I could be :) Speaking of the comp, it kind of grinds my gears that coming back in the last few messages before I entered again were Emma and Landen actively rooting against me. Landen, I understand. Emma...who even are you? Why do you hate me? lmao. Okay I may still be a little bit mad. Ben also as I'm typing this messaged me "I wonder why you're not liked", which is like hurtful but accurate. Anyway....I'm making at LEAST f15 now (bc my gold medal) so that's very fun, A+ content. I think we are swapping after this THANK GOD bc I have to get AWAY from this tribe. I hope I get to stay with either Jacob or Kevin, and maybe even get swapped with Jordan Pines or Karen so I can feel some semblance of security. I'll make a confessional about it next round bc :) im back :) hehe

anyway so this ugly ass tribe lost again. The only good thing to happen over the last few days is that nicole is back ugh I wasn’t ready to lose on of my allies skdjfkdjfj anyway so juls is gone and it’s down to me tommy Darcy beck caeleb and Ben, 4/6 of us are in an alliance and then there’s cae and Ben sjdjjddnjd obvs Ben is the choice to vote but also like bc it’s so obvious I’m scared that he’ll know and play an idol /: scares me bc I’m not 100% sure who he’d vote and he’s shown that he’s willing to vote for me at any moment so I’m just debating whether I should throw a vote at caeleb just in case to tie it or if I should let one of my alliance members potentially get voted out. Best case scenario if Ben plays an idol is that he votes for beck bc I don’t trust that hoe at all wkendkdndndn but yeah I haven’t had time to really talk to Ben so it’s prob too late to probe into his plans. Ugh I hope this tribal is quick & painless /:

hello. confessional #472. i've survived another round so that's fun! i feel rly solid about the bonds i have with people right now so i know a tribe swap is incoming but that's for the best bc i'd rather not vote out anyone on yushu rn… so we'll see!

Really mad I got voted out, feeling pretty betrayed by my tribe rn.

I wish em didn't have to get voted out, but I'm pretty confident she'll fight tooth and nail to get back into the running..

Tribal just happened and we voted out Ben again in a unanimous vote. It was an easy vote I think either we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 at Final 15 or 16, but if it's Final 16 the Gold Medal winner will be exiled. If we don't swap I think Ben will win the Gold and Beck the silver medal so we have a good chance of winning immunity incase there's another round before we swap. I'm really just trying to maintain get close to Caeleb because he's probably still skeptical about the whole Juls vote which I'm happy she's out because she's a threat but on the other hand she was so sweet it was sad she had to leave early. At this point I'm trying to maintain good relationships going into a swap and hope I get a good tribe that's strong and will leave me in the majority going into the merge. Also, at this point once Emma or Ben is officially voted out we'll be down to 9 returnees and 7 newbies so I really don't care if some of these returnees start hitting the road and going home. It's gonna come down to who wants to take me to the end and that's who I'm with.

It's the end of the round, you know what that means? LAST MINUTE JORDAN PINES CONFESSIONAL TIME! It's america's favourite game show where Jordan Pines quickly makes a confessional at the last possible moment to not recieve a strike and tries to make his thoughts sound coherent. Let's Play! Whew this round was awful compared to every round so far in every aspect. First we get a challenge and I'm like... Oh Shit we can win this! and I work my ass of coordinating, doing most of the work for the tribe getting list ready in shit. And guess what it worked, we had the best scores over all and it wasn't very close... until you remember that each member of a tribe getting 20% on a challenge like this is basically a guaranteed win unless you are absolutely garbage. So we lose! Here we are and I have 4 people on my tribe including and I want to go far with all 3. Like I was at a loss. Not to mention the fact that I was having the day from hell where I could only be on for a minute like for the whole day. It ends up being emma and that fucking sucks cause emma is an icon. She has now won the duel and thank god I had some common sense not to blindside her and give her a heads up so that I can repair the relationship. Let's see how she feels about me tonight, but like I stand by it that I quote it here, in an ideal world i would go as close to the end with emma, shes iconic and i trust her a lot. I hope I havent damaged this relationship too badly! LET ME SWAP ALREADY!

youtube

I am tired of losing!! we’ve been attending tribal nonstop and it sucks. All these people are amazing. The vote was between Sarah and Em, Jordan was quite busy and didn’t care who left so it came down to my decision unfortunately. I decided em should go because I just don’t have a relation with her like I do with Jordan and Sarah. Luckily she won and is still in the game and got us gold <3 Jordan’s gonna try and do damage control with Em to keep her on our side. We’ve got a few advantages rn and have been leading these tribals so I hope we stay in a good position.

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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gingers-writing-blog · 4 years

Text

New York Bound

Chapter 5

If you can figure out what the shirt numbers represent, you get a cookie!

Triggers: Swearing, Head Injury, Blood, Mentions of a Dog Attack

New Words: Twigged - Realised

Word Count: 2,953

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When I woke up, I saw Tommy Boy above me. My head was poundin' and I heard the sound of what I recognised as metal wheels on cobblestones. I also heard the clink of metal chains...and shouts from...somewhere.

I lifted my head as high as I dared, but when I realised where we were, I sat up fully.

"Shit!" My hands flew to my head when I felt blood trickin' down past my right eye. It then registered what the clinkin' sound was.

My hands were cuffed together. So were Tommy's. We were in the back of the Workhouse van.

~ Meanwhile in The Foreman's office ~

Smoke filled the room as the Foreman stood over the fireplace in his office. With a stack of papers in his hand, he dropped them into the open fire and smiled maniacally.

Mr Fink was, once again, clutching his hat. Dan and Joey standing slightly behind him.

"We've got the Barnes' kid, Mr Foreman, sir." Mr Fink stated proudly, his head slightly higher than before. Joey scoffed and shook his head in disappointment and shame, disappointment and shame in both his uncle's pride and at the fact that he let himself hurt more kids.

Fortunately, the Foreman didn't notice. He was too caught up in protecting himself, by burning the papers.

"Finally." The Foreman dumped the rest of the papers in the fire and went around the back of his desk, taking a key off a rack on the wall as he went. He unlocked a drawer in his desk and took out 20 pounds in notes. He handed them to Mr Fink and went back to burning the papers.

"So, what are you going to do with the kids when the Mayor comes for the inspection, sir?"

"What inspection?" The Foreman whirled around to face Fink.

"The Mayor has scheduled inspections of all the Workhouses in the city. He twigged what was going on and my friend in his staff has told me when ours is. I'm sorry, it must've slipped my mind, sir."

"And when is it?" The Foreman demanded.

"A week today. Meaning we have 6 days to get this place sorted out. Have you thought about what you're going to do with the kids until then?"

"Of course I have! I'm going to get the Orderlies to put them to work. The boys will be working in the vegetable gardens or they will be making the toys that we'll be selling to Mr Chaplin at Prescott Industries and Trading. The girls will be cleaning, doing laundry or making the dresses we will also be selling to Prescott."

"What about the Barnes' kid?" Dan interjected. The Foreman shot him a look but didn't scold him.

"I might give her to you to deal with. I know you three have, or had, a dispute with her parents. And since her parents are at the bottom of the Thames, I'm assuming you're taking up the dispute with her."

At the mention of Cat's parents, Joey felt anger rising from deep within himself. He usually had quite a good grip of his emotions, or he did before all this started. However, if he did see the Barnes' kid, he doubted that he would be able to contain himself.

He clenched his jaw and gripped his hands behind his back, anger burning inside of him, constantly threatening to burst out.

"Wait a second...What if when the kids speak up when the Mayor comes around?" Fink was starting to panic. It was a problem that they had never encountered before or accounted for. "We're going to have to get the kids out as soon as possible. And what about when he asks to see your admin papers?"

"You idiot! There is no need to rush this. No need to panic. We can just set them to work like I said and make them clean this shit-hole. We can also threaten to put them in solitary if they speak up. That way they won't talk and the Mayor won't get suspicious."

~ Back with Cat and Tommy in the Workhouse Van ~

The van pulled to a stop and I stood up carefully.

"Do you think we're there?"

Tommy opened his mouth, but when we heard heavy chains rattlin' and the screechin' sound of a set of gates opening, he kept quiet.

The van started movin' again but it only pulled forward a few feet, I sat back down on the floor again next to Tommy. Just inside the gate. We heard them close again, then more men and more voices came from the outside.

Suddenly, the padlock on the outside of the door was unlocked and we were greeted by the sight of three men in uniforms. The Workhouse orderlies.

Once the door was open, one of them came up the steps and grabbed my arm.

"Ow!" The man gripped my arm so hard, I thought it would bruise. He shoved me down the steps and a different orderly took me from him.

Then the man got Tommy Boy and we were marched into the Workhouse.

We were pushed through the door and down a long corridor with wooden doors leadin' to other rooms comin' off both sides.

At the end of the corridor, Mr Fink was sittin' behind a wooden table, with a short stack of papers, an ink well, a pen, and a pile of folded grey workhouse shirts in front of him. Dan and Joey stood at either side. All three of them looked so angry, I had a feelin' that my life here would be even more miserable. Not that I would be here long, I was already tryin' to figure out a way to escape.

We came to a stop in a few feet away from the table, standin' side by side.

"I'll register the girl first," Fink ordered and I was pushed forward.

"So this is where you guys have been! We missed you this morning!" I said, puttin' as much confidence and bravado into my voice as I could to mask the fact that I was terrified.

"Name." Fink kept his voice level, despite the fact I could practically feel the anger radiatin' from him.

"Cat," I responded. There was no way I wanted to tell him my real name. He probably knew it anyway...

"Real name." He demanded.

"Caitlin Barnes," I said reluctantly. I sighed as he wrote it down on one of the sheets of paper.

"Age and birthday."

"15. October 8th 1884."

"Take a shirt." I took the shirt on the top of the pile and it unfolded in my hands, which were still cuffed. I looked at it as I was moved out of the way for Tommy to be registered.

There was an 8-digit number on the left breast side. The number was: 27049923. I was tryin' to figure out what it meant and I was goin' to try and ask Tommy, but we were escorted away from each other and into separate rooms to get changed.

Luckily, one of the orderlies uncuffed us both so we could change our shirts. I rubbed my wrists then stripped off my shirt and swapped it for the rough workhouse shirt.

I checked my arm in the process and scoffed when I saw the large bruise formin' on my upper arm. I prodded it gently and it ached slightly. I'd taken more pain than this, it was less painful, more inconvenient...

When I got the shirt on, it hung loosely around my body. It fell down to just past my hips and the sleeves reached halfway down my arms, to my elbows.

It was rougher than sandpaper and it itched all over. At least it was relatively clean...

A few minutes later a woman in a brown dress and white apron came into the room.

"Come with me." She said and turned around to walk out again. I followed her silently down corridor after corridor. On the way, we passed countless rooms. Some of them looked like classrooms, others looked like workrooms, and others looked like cells...

Then I remembered that Tommy was taken a different way from me and I needed to know where he was.

"Hey, where's Tommy Boy?" I asked her as we walked.

"Who?"

"The boy that came in at the same time as me."

"Oh, him. He'll be with the boys either in the gardens or one of the workrooms. You'll see him at dinner though."

I nodded and she stopped walking. I almost knocked into her, but I stopped just in time.

I looked up at the door in front of her. The laundry room.

"Laundry? Why are we here?" I asked.

"You're going to be doing laundry for the rest of the day. There's already a girl in there so she can teach you how to do it." She opened the door and signalled for me to go in.

I stepped into the laundry room and I turned back when she closed the door behind me. I looked around, takin' it all in. It was a huge room with white washed walls. There were various not-quite-machine things that I recognised from the laundry room in the Lodging House. There were also 5 tables and clothes racks for drying. The room smelled of soap and damp. I couldn't believe that I would be spendin' the rest of the day here.

"Hey, new girl." Someone said from the other side of the room. "I'm Ida." I faced her and looked her up and down. I was really out of my depth here...

"I'm...I'm Cat," I replied. I stared at her for a second. "You look familiar." She was wearin' a brown dress quite similar to the nurse's except it was smaller and it had a number on the same side as mine, the left breast side. I looked at the number and saw that it was different from mine. It was: 21049903.

"I get that a lot." She walked over to me and took my hand. She led me over to the massive pile of laundry on one of the five tables in the huge laundry room.

"Right." She started pickin' up various pieces of clothin' and handin' them to me. "We've got to sort these into piles. Boy and girls. Then into shirts, trousers and dresses in the girls' pile. Then wash and dry them. Got that?"

"What? I'm sorry, I'm...I'm n-not really with it..." I stuttered, still starin' at her.

"That's ok. It's only your first day here, and the workhouse ain't exactly the easiest place to get used to."

She explained what we had to do again and then I realised who she was.

"Ida!"

"Yes?" She looked up from the pile of girls clothes on her side of the table.

"Ida Buckley. From Brent?"

"Yeah...yeah, that's me." She hung her head in disappointment. "I thought you wouldn't recognise me in here."

She looked back up at me and ran her hands through her shoulder-length hair.

"What?"

"I thought you wouldn't recognise me in here. In this stupid dress."

"Oh. Why?" I asked.

"Because I thought Angel would've sent a message to you to tell you..."

"Why would Angel...we're not allies...we're more like enemies, to be honest." Angel was my ex-girlfriend and she was the complete opposite of her name.

"Well, you've recognised me now, and we have a job to do. Can we just get back to doin' this? Please?" I nodded, confused. "Thank you."

I turned back to my pile and thought through that whole conversation. I couldn't make head nor tail of it but just figured that she didn't want to talk about it, so I wouldn't bring it up.

Neither of us spoke.

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly once I fully got into it. It was borin' and repetitive, and my hands were sore from doin' the same thing over and over again.

Once it was time for dinner a nurse came and knocked on the door and opened it.

"Time for dinner. Follow me." She led me down a couple of corridors to a massive room with 4 long tables and what felt and sounded like thousands of men, women and children.

Some people were waitin' in line to get food, and others were already sat down eating.

"Cat! Cat!" I heard someone yell over the clamour. I turned around to find whoever shouted and noticed that Ida had walked off.

I heard a couple of sets of footsteps behind me and span around just in time to be hug-tackled by 3 people.

I pulled out of the hug and saw who it was.

"Tommy! Smalls! Fletcher!" I looked behind them, over their shoulders. "Robin? Roger?"

I walked over to them, weavin' around people to get to them.

"Are you guys ok? What happened? How did you end up in here?" I noticed somethin' was up with Robin, well, apart from bein' arrested and stuck in the Workhouse, somethin' else was botherin' her.

"It's your fault we're all in here, Cat." She spat at me. "None of us wouldn't be in here if it wasn't for you and we're probably going to die in here as well."

"No! We're not goin' to die in here. We'll be fine." I tried to reassure her as best I could, but she wasn't havin' it.

"No, we're not! We're not going to be fine! The Jordan Brothers and The Foreman are going to be on us like a rash! They're going to kill us in here!" She stepped forward and pushed the others aside. She looked up at me with pure hatred in her eyes. I had never seen her like this before...

"Why are you bein' like this now, Robin? Like it or not, we're all stuck in here. And if we want to stay alive we need to fuckin' work together and maybe, oh I don't know, not kill each other!!" My voice got louder and louder as I spoke, but I didn't care if people heard me.

I didn't need to worry about that anyway. The room was loud enough as it was, we were just addin' to it. And it wasn't like anyone around us actually cared...

"Why am I bein' like this now?" She repeated furiously. She took a step forward and got right in my face, pure fury threatenin' to overpower any rational part left in her.

We stood there, literally toe to toe, and in a low voice, she snarled at me, "It's your fault we're all in here. If you had told us...If you had told us about what was happening, we would've been able to protect ourselves. Hell, I would've been able to kill the fuckin' dog that the Jordan's brought with them to get me."

Tears began to form in her eyes and she tried to blink them away, but they always came back.

Again and again and again.

I concentrated as hard as I could to keep my emotions in check and to not let my anger break out of me. This wasn't like Robin. She wasn't usually like this.

"Robin. Calm down. We're goin' to stick together and protect each other as much as we can in this place. We're goin' to need to trust each other---" She shoved me backwards and I almost completely lost it.

"Trust each other??" She yelled at me. "I can't trust you any more Cat! To be honest, I haven't been able to trust you since your parents were found at the bottom of the river!!" Her chest rose and fell heavily. A couple of tears escaped and she wiped them away.

When she raised her arm to wipe her tears, I noticed the red marks on her arm. They looked...like...teeth marks...She'd been bitten.

"Don't you dare even think about them," I growled, ballin' my fists. "I'm not like them. I never have been and I never will be. I'm not a fuckin' murderer." I took deep, rapid breaths, which I then attempted to even out.

By the time Robin responded, Fletcher had put his hand on her chest to stop her from attackin' me. I'd thought that she'd calmed down slightly, but no...Her eyes still burned. This was a different kind of anger than before. This was cold, calm and subtle, yet still dangerous and unpredictable...

"No. You're not a murderer. Not directly. But you've already killed us in here."

Her words hit like a punch to the gut and she walked away, still fuming. At least she walked away.

"Cat?" Tommy said gently.

"I'm fine guys. Robin's right. I have killed you all by not tellin' you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I hung my head and raked my hands through my hair, not carin' about the cut on my forehead.

"I get it if you don't forgive me," I mumbled. Then, I looked back up at them. "I wouldn't forgive me either."

"No."

I lowered my head again.

"Don't say that. You're the one that's right about all this." Tommy put an arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah...We've all got to stick together." Smalls put in.

"We've got to trust each other." Roger stepped forward into the group.

"If we want to stay alive, we have to fight for it. We have to keep thinking about all the people that are waiting for us outside, and remember that they're still gonna be there when we get out."

Fletcher nodded at us and we all made a silent vow to protect one another. To go through thick and thin and come out still standing.

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A/N I’m actually really proud of this chapter! The next two chapters (6 and 7) are the worst for triggers, reader discretion is advised. Thanks for reading, please like and reblog and have a great day!

#newsies fanfiction #newsies #tommy boy newsies #tommy boy #new york bound #gingers-writing-blog #new york bound newsies #new york bound chapter 5

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plentyoffandoms · 6 years

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I Can't Leave You

Michael Gray x f/Reader

Gifs and photos do not belong to me.

Has not been proofread.

Warnings: Some swearing, reader gets stabbed.

Masterlist ♡ Peaky Blinders Masterlist ♡ Michael Gray Masterlist

Summary: - F/Reader is pregnant & hasn't told her FWB Michael. Reader gets injured & almost loses the baby.

Michael Gray x f/reader.

Michael's POV:

"Michael, when are you going to make Y/N and you offical?" The table went silent when John opened his big mouth. "That is none of your concern is it John?"

My cousins laughed around the table at me, and I just glared at John. What Y/N and I have going on works great for us. We are not officially together, so we can go on different dates with whoever we please.

I explained that to these idiots once again, but Finn pointed something out. "I never see Y/N ever on a date with someone. I only ever see you out with different girls."

Finn was right. Y/N never talks about going on dates, or hanging out with other guys. The topic changed quickly when Tommy started to speak, but I couldn't keep my mind focused, it was all on Y/N.

Once the meeting was done, I decided to go and find the girl myself. On a warm day like this, she would only be in one place. I started to head to the pond that was on her families property.

There she was, swimming in the nice, cool water. Trying to beat the heat that was brutal today. I must of stepped on something, because Y/N turned and looked at me. "Come in Michael. The water is absolutely lovely, and you do not look at all comfortable in that suit of yours."

I start to strip, and Y/N watches me with a hungry look in her eyes, and she was right about one thing, the suit was horrible to be in today, and not at all comfortable.

The moment I was in the water Y/N was all over me. She was splashing and going under water and trying to pull me under. We were having a great time, and we spent a long time in the pond that afternoon.

I looked at the watch that was sitting on top of my clothes and I didn't realize how much time has passed. "Where are you going Michael?" Y/N asked me in a soft voice.

"I have a date tonight, and I have to meet her soon." I noticed the disappointed look on Y/N face, but it quickly changed. Has she always been disappointed every time I go on a date?

"I should get ready to leave soon. I am meeting some of the girls at the Garrinson in about an hour. I have spent enough of the day in the water." Y/N told me. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and told her I had a great time with her that afternoon.

The date I had ended with the two of us at the Garrison. My date, Minnie was boring, and was not at all interesting. My focus was more on Y/N, who looked like she was having an amazing time with her friends. She was sipping on a glass of water, but that doesn't surprise me. She isn't much of a drinker to begin with.

What did surprise me was when her best friend squealed really loudly, and pulled Y/N in for a hug. She looked really embrassed as she does not like much attention on her, and she looked around to make sure no one was watching what just happened, which was odd. She gave her best friend a brief smile, and got up. Probably to use the ladies room. I excused myself from Minnie, and followed Y/N to the back of the pub, where the washrooms were.

"What was that all about with B/F/N?" I asked her as she just reaches the bathroom door.

Y/N jumped as she heard me speak. "Oh, I told her I bought a new dress, and you know how she gets when she has one too many to drink." She says with alittle giggle.

I let the lie slide. Y/N acts weird when she lies and can never make eye contact. "How is the date going with...?" Y/N asked me.

"Minnie and it is going okay. She is kind of dull and we have nothing in common, but I should be getting back to her, maybe just end the night as it is not going anywhere."

"You do what is best Michael, but no point on wasting any more time on her if she does not hold your interest." Y/N says as she walks into the bathroom.

I walk back into the main room and I bumped into a man, who looked to be in a rush to use the bathroom. I notice that Minnie is long gone. I figured she would leave the moment I followed Y/N.

I saw Finn and Isaiah in a corner surrounded by some of the younger Peaky Blinders, and it was also the perfect view to watch the front doors of the pub. I have a bad feeling about tonight, but it could be just about Y/N lying.

After a while, laughing and drinking with my friends and cousin, Y/N best friend came over. Isaiah let out a low whistle but she just ignored it. Strange, since she has a massive crush on Isaiah. "Michael, I saw you walk behind Y/N when she went to the bathroom...."

"Yes, we had a talk, then she went into the ladies room and I came out here. What's the problem?" I ask.

"Y/N hasn't come back out yet, and she said she was just going to powder her nose." At that moment, I grabbed my hat, and I ran to the ladies room, Finn and Isahiah were right behind me. The door was either blocked or locked which was odd because only Harry had a key to the bathrooms. The three of us pushed against the door, until it finally opened and the moment the door was open, I could physically feel all the air leave my body.

There was Y/N, laying in the middle of the bathroom in her own blood. I rushed to her side, and checked for a pulse, and there was still one. Finn had already rushed out the door, probably to get his brothers, who were in the back room.

Arthur, Tommy, and John came rushing into the bathroom, with a few more peaky blinders. Tommy started to check her over. "Michael, we have to get her to the hospital, she was stabbed."

Tommy was right about getting her to the hospital, but I could not move. I sat on the floor as I watched the men lift her up very carefully, and carry her to the car that was in the back ally. "Get in the back seat and make sure nothing else happens to her Michael." Tommy said to me through my haze.

The ride to the hospital only took about 5 minutes, since John was driving very fast, but it felt like forever. The doctor and nurses came rushing out and put Y/N on a gurney. I followed them into the hospital, and they rushed her right into surgery.

"Who do you think did it Michael?" John asked as we got settled in the waiting room. "I bumped into a man just after my talk with Y/N. He looked like he was in a hurry to get back there, but I didn't think much of it. But now that I think about it, I never saw the man come back out.I have never seen him before, but I would recognize him if I saw him again." I told John.

About a half an hour later, my mum and Finn show up, and Finn let John know that Tommy needs him.

The three of us sit in silence in the waiting room, but I get so angry, that I get up and punch the wall.

My mother doesn't say anything as she looks over my hand. She knows I am hurting. "Y/N will be fine Michael. She is strong. She is not ready to leave you just yet." I didn't say anything to my mum because I didn't feel like breaking down.

Some time later, I must of fell asleep because I woke up to a man's voice saying my name. "Right here doctor. How is She?" I ask him as I stand up.

"Y/N lost a lot of blood, as she was stabbed four times, but she will pull through. The baby was not harmed at all through any of this. Miss L/N has been moved to a private room. When you are ready, the nurse will show you where she is."

My eyes went wide at this. A baby? I mean, I thought she was just gaining some weight, but that didn't bother me as I find her gorgeous no matter what. Y/N was pregnant and I know it is my baby as Y/N has only slept with me.

"Thank you doctor." My mum says as she walks up to where we were standing. The doctor walked away after our brief conversation. "Y/N is pregnant? How wonderful, I have always liked her, now she will forever be apart of the family. Why didn't you tell me Michael?"

"I had no idea she was mum." I sat down, and put my head in my hands. I could of lost not only Y/N tonight, but my unborn child as well. This man who did this to her deserves to die.

The next few days was an all out man hunt for this guy. When I wasn't at the hospital, waiting for Y/N to wake up, I was trying to find the scumbag who tried to kill Y/N. Harry says he saw the man who I bumped into that night, and got a good look at him. Harry told us that the man usually comes here on Sunday's, which was today.

It was four days since Y/N was stabbed and that was when there was a call to the betting house. The doctor, who I found out was in Tommys pocket, called to let us know that Y/N was awake, and asking for me. "I told you she would wake up." John said to me as he nudged me.

I looked at Tommy and he nodded his head. Even tho I wanted to take care of this asshole myself, I knew Y/N needed me more and that the Peaky Blinders will take care of him.

The moment I stepped into the hospital room and there she was, smiling at me, with a hand on her belly, it was like time stopped. I probably already knew this, but didn't want to admit to it, but Y/N was the girl for me and I want to marry her, because I love her.

"What did you just say Michael?" Y/N said with massive eyes. I guess I said that out loud.

"I said Marry me? It took me to almost you getting killed to make me truly realize that you are the girl for me, and that I will always love you, Y/N."

Y/N had tears streaming down her face as she nodded her head yes. I took only three big strides and I was at her side, leaning down to kiss her. I too put my hand on her belly, and right then and there, I promised to protect my little family as much as I possibly can.

Tag list: Please let me know if you would like to be added to any tags.

#fanfic #fanfiction #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders x reader #reader insert #michael gray #michael gray x reader #michael gray imagine #michael gray x you #michael gray x y/n #female reader #reader imagine #reader is female

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anxiouslyextroverted · 1 year

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So a few of my irls were talking about how c!dream never targetted c!tommy and or had a dependency issue and I just wanna correct that.

c!Dream at the start of the series (since now the start is considered canon) constantly went after the discs even when c!Tommy told him he wanted to have a truce and that they were allies even wanting to play them together with c!Dream. c!Dream agreed to those terms but then attacked him 5 minutes later anyway.

Not forgetting the first disc fight where c!Dream targetted c!Tommy the whole time and only gave c!Sapnap and c!Ponk and c!Alyssa a slap on the wrist.

c!Dream spent a good portion of a Tommy stream donating him msgs to play the discs.

A couple of early streams of c!Dream trying to get c!Tubbo o someone else against c!Tommy.

Not really targetting but he said "Tommy is under my protection" which is that dependency thing idk it counts.

c!Dream built a tunnel to c!Tommys base.

c!Dream during L'manberg arc seemed more against c!Tommy than c!Wilbur and the others more often than not.

c!Dream focused on getting c!Tommys friends against him, such as most notably c!Tubbo and c!Wilbur in pogtopia arc.

c!Dream betrays c!Tommy in pogtopia arc after initially helping c!Tommy out. He tells c!Tommy this is due to 'business' he also tells him, 'that he put something better over friendship' (aka the revival book he got from c!Schlatt) (either way, he still betrayed him.)

He tells c!Tommy at the end of l'manberg blowing up that 'everythings just getting started', and makes it out as if c!Tommy was in the wong.

A few weeks before exile. c!Dream and c!Puffy went around destroying everything including c!Skeppys home and then framing it on c!Tommy with signs. c!Dream in particular is excited for people to log on and for them to get mad at c!Tommy.

The above was confirmed canon when during Exile trial, c!Dream says that c!Tommy had blown up c!Skeppys house (or he infers it), showing the damage that he himself did.

In Exile trial, I'm not gonna lie c!Tommy totallyyy fucked up here by burning a little TINY tiny small tiny bit of c!Georges home and then trying to fix it. And then he lied about it. (/sarc) But, c!Dream was provoking him in the whisper chat with ":)" and "have fun on probation :)"

During exile, he focuses on putting all blame for his problems on c!Tommy. Not just saying that to c!Tommys face but on other people's streams, he was there talking about how much of a nuisance c!Tommy is and what not.

In exile, he proceeds to get c!Tommy dependent on him so c!Tommy will help with his goals later on. But the way he goes about this is to a severe extreme like how he snaps at him and hits him with an axe or arrow, he takes great enjoyment in bullying c!Tommy and getting others like c!Lazarbeam to bully him too, he makes sure c!Tommy is completely lonely even sending c!Ghostbur away who was memory loss so how could he break c!Dreams plans exactly?, he gasights c!Tommy into thinking that c!Dream didn't kill Mexican Dream, he blows up c!Tommys base despite never telling c!Tommy the rule about how he can't have chests underground.

He goes onto track c!Tommy down. And again, its more the way he goes about it.

Once c!Tommy is back in L'manberg, c!Dream blows up the community house and frames it on c!Tommy. Getting everyone against him and he tells c!Tubbo that he is affiliated to c!Tommy based on the disc that he says is 'Tommys most prized possession' which is him getting c!Tubbo to go against c!Tommy once more.

After Lmanberg gets blown up again. c!Dream tells c!Tommy "I'm not done with you. Our stories not over... Our stories not over" c!Tommy says "Our stories not over but it will be... It will be soon" and c!Dream replies "I don't think our story will ever be over, Tommy. I think that you're just too fun. I don't think It'll be over."

In disc finale, he proceeds to act like that c!Tommy is his main target, calling him the key to the server and going after him more than c!Tubbo. And puts the idea in c!Clingyduos heads that he needs all the possesions to control the server. (now even though c!Dream staged this whole thing and wasn't actually saying his motivations, c!Tommy never knows that he lied about that not at this point at least. It further riles c!Tommy up and has him believing that c!Dream really is obsessed with hurting him and since c!Dream never explains why properly, it comes off to c!Tommy that he is obsessed for no reason.) (Also possible for it to be half staged making the motivations semi-true)

Then, c!Dream causes c!Tommy to get stuck in the cell with him by controlling c!Ranboo to do that (which this is confirmed that he really did do this, confirmed in the final lore stream and in dream xds video)

The point of c!Dream allegedly lying to make c!Tommy think c!Dream was after him all the time is further solidified when in the prison arc. c!Dream refers to c!Tommy as a light, and key and keeps going on about studying death with him. I know a lot of this may very well be real and a result from him being mentally ill from isolation, but theres so many lies sprinkled in here like telling c!Tommy that he never tested out the revival book before when he had (btw correct me if Im wrong here, I could of got the dates mixed up)

c!Sam also claims that c!Dream kept going on about c!Tommy in the prison, c!Sam also says that c!Dream was practically manically laughing after he killed c!Tommy. (Obsession, putting on an act of obsession, mentally ill from the prison sure maybe all 3)

After c!Dream escapes prison, he immediately goes after c!Tommy. (Which sure is to scare c!Tommy into no longer going after him or whatever it could be an act) But he's still putting the idea in c!Tommys head that he's obsessed with hurting him, and don't say that he did this unintentionally because we already have the 'you're too fun line' and several other moments to prove otherwise. He also then puts signs around c!Tommys home saying 'watch your back' and ":) I'm watching" and he makes a trap for c!Tommy to fall into playing back a messed up disc. Don't say that this was apart of c!Tommys delusion because c!Eryn saw it too and a few others did from what I remember-unless thats retconned idunno.

In c!Wilburs finale, c!Dream can't stand the idea of the discs being burned. (The discs are affiliated with c!Tommy as c!Dream has said before, and has said that the discs are c!Tommys most prized possesion) He still cares about them even now. He also watches c!Tommy for majority of the time.

In Dreams space, he claims that his character was not solely torturing c!Tommy for the sake of it, but that he still really enjoyed hurting c!Tommy. Its to vague to tell if Dream is denouncing the 'c!Dream is obsessed with c!Tommy' theory or not. I believe he is saying that it is half true- as in that his character is, but that he has reasons to do so, and or that this wasn't his only plan.

During the final lore finale, c!Dream claims that he wasn't targeting c!Tommy and that he had left him alone however that contradicts with everything I wrote above, so 1. He thinks he left c!Tommy alone, 2. He was referring to the present where he did leave him alone and purposely/or accidentally ignoring the past, or 3. he knows he didn't and is just trying to rile c!Tommy up. Either way he goes onto admit that he did cause c!Ranboo to get c!Tommy stuck in the prison. He also confirms later on that he genuinely believes c!Tommy is the cause of the ruining of his server. "Why are you ruining everything all the time" "You deserved it (torture)" "I am (a villain), I tortured you."

And not to mention. Out of everyone on the server that gets c!Dream to give up and somewhat open up, its c!Tommy... because ofc it is. No ones surprised.

I think that's everything. as always I'm happy to debate with people and stuff preferably in dms but idm. If anything is wrong, correct it. If anything is missed, let me know. ty

#long ass post #c!primeboys #sorry if Im wrong about somethings please correct me on anything I missed and or anything i was wrong about!#dsmp #c!tommy #im a little confused about the last part of the dot points cuz like i interpreted those scenes in like 10 diff ways help me #im assuming cdream lied about never using hte revival book before when he revived ctommy because the lazarbeam thing but then idk if that #happened before or after prison #but then again it was confirmed in disc finale that henry was revived henry or smth idk #dream smp #analysis #also disclaimer: i am aware that a lot of the c!prime early moments are cc!prime doing things for content and fun but since the first #c!tommy stream is canon then so is all those other streams #And in every cc! moment there is always a little bit of lore when its on the dsmp so it is included regardless ty

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allimariexf · 6 years

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alli’s Arrow 1x21 rewatch thoughts

Aka the one where Felicity goes from a person who’s “setting up Oliver’s internet” to his “friend.” Aka this is really long but I think it’s so important in the progression of Olicity and for understanding Oliver’s character and how Laurel fits in.

-------------------

“Better get started then.” OLIVER SASS! Barely there, but still. I love how he’s starting to play with her, just a little.

And then:

“He’s the one who left, Felicity. I did everything I could to stop him.”

“Except apologize....” That’s right, Felicity! Don’t let him get away with that.

THEN:

“I’m sorry - who are you?” ENTITLED LAUREL, wow. Obviously Felicity knows Oliver - what right to you have to demand an explanation from her?

“Nobody. I mean I’m not nobody, I’m someone, obviously, and so are you, you’re Laurel, right? That Laurel - Gorgeous Laurel?” Meanwhile Felicity’s reaction here is so adorable and so revealing:

- it shows how, even though she has confidence in her own intelligence and values, she has a deeply embedded sense of inferiority when it comes to certain types of women (the Laurel-types, who are conventionally beautiful and successful and universally adored). It shows that to some extent she sees herself as an outsider. (Not that she sees herself as lacking, exactly...I think many of us who relate to her see where I am going with this. Not that we would change things about ourselves, but that we feel like outsiders because we’re not conventionally beautiful/successful/fashionable/etc.)

- it also shows how Oliver’s continued obsession with Laurel reinforces that sense of inferiority/outsiderness. That she won’t directly assert herself between Oliver and Laurel because she assumes that Oliver would “take Laurel’s side” if he were required to make a choice between them. (With this in mind, oh how sweet 2x23 and everything after is). (Side note: in season 2 we get a delicious follow-up to this scene when Felicity DOES assert herself between Laurel and Oliver - in 2x04 at a fancy party when Felicity says to Laurel, “You can have him back in a minute” and Oliver goes with her - and it is an awesome moment showing the progression of their relationship. I live for this stuff 😎)

Meanwhile, Oliver’s little smile at Felicity here is adorable because it shows, again, that he’s simply charmed by her, and he doesn’t necessarily see her as inferior.

“This is Felicity. She’s setting up my internet.” That being said, his need to maintain his secret identity ruse - and his need at this point to preserve separation between his two identities (the “Oliver Queen” identity and relationships that he puts on a pedestal, versus the “Hood” identity and relationships which he still sees as somewhat “monstrous” and tainted) causes him to basically devalue her in front of Laurel. His response completely diminishes her actual importance and is particularly ironic because, between Laurel and Felicity, Felicity is the person who actually knows the real him at this point. *More on this later*

I’m not a Laurel-hater, but if anything was ever going to make me dislike Laurel, it would be this scene.

MOOOORE below the cut!

Meanwhile, once they go downstairs and get to work, it turns out Felicity has casually been EXTRA BRILLIANT by making the Walter connection. Because already she is more than just tech assistance, but a crime-solving PARTNER and Oliver just totally devalued her in front of Laurel and okay I am a little bitter. But the end of the episode will help make it better.

Felicity’s sass regarding Diggle is awesome - I love how she never misses an opportunity to prod Oliver to be better.

And how freaking heroic is it that she just casually presumes that she will go undercover, even after having been made a hostage during Dodger? It’s not at all like this is what she signed up for when she started helping Oliver.

Oliver’s protectiveness of her is adorable though. And the way he goes to lay down the law, “Felicity, I’m not letting you -” and then she just talks over him, “Oliver, the reason I joined you in the first place….” *Sigh* quality stuff right here. Also the way that they use each other’s first names for emphasis, even though they’re talking to each other and they’re the only people there. It’s adorable.

THE INTENSITY: “You have to let me do this.” AND THE UNINTENTIONAL SEXUAL TENSION: “All right. But we do it my way.”

DELICITY! Ugh this friendship is so perfect, John is perfect, Felicity is perfect, their chemistry and interactions are amazing (it’s still season 1 - how is this even possible??). Why did we not get a bazillion more scenes like this? I mean, I know it’s not strictly necessary, since their close friendship and alliance comes through even in peripheral interactions, but come on...it’s just quality content!

“It feels really good having you inside me” scene: what can I say about this scene that hasn’t been said a million times? *swoooon* I will note that I particularly love how nervous you can tell Oliver is after he says “If anything happens, I’m right outside” and Felicity responds “Okay” and looks down: the way he sweeps his eyes over her with that worried expression and takes a deep breath.

“Oh look, there’s the bathroom. Should have known the manager’s office would be down the hall and to the right of the bathroom.” LOL I adore this line - she’s smart and obvious and hilarious.

“You’re gonna be really upset when you meet my partner.” I love how she’s relying on him to rescue her, how much confidence she has in him. And Oliver busting in to save her is pretty hot.

Meanwhile, pretty risky of Oliver to take his hood off in there since they probably have security cameras, but anyway it’s sweet that he did it so he could share a meaningful look with Felicity.

Felicity walking down the stairs and turning the light on sitting-in-the-dark Oliver - I love this show’s use of metaphorical imagery.

I want to know who was piloting that plane that Oliver jumped out of. Whoever that person was, they must know Oliver’s the vigilante lol

Okay so this second scene totally parallels the “Felicity-interrupting-Oliver-and-Laurel” scene, in a way that shows their relationship has PROGRESSED:

“This is totally a family thing, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Unlike Laurel, Moira’s question isn’t at all entitled. She is actually more polite than she strictly needs to be.

“This is Felicity. She’s my friend.” This time when Oliver introduces Felicity, after everything she just risked and proved by helping rescue Walter, Oliver cannot deny her friendship. Even though he still needs to hide his secret from his family, and as much as he is trying to keep his identities separate so that his Hood persona won’t taint his “true” life and family and friends, he can’t deny that Felicity is a friend to anyone anymore. And! The way he describes their relationship from this point forward only gets more and more intimate. ^_^

For the record: Oliver thinking he loves Laurel at this point has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that he now thinks she’s the only “pure” person left from his former life who’s not tainted by lies and conspiracy and intrigue. He just found out that his mother and Tommy’s dad are involved in the undertaking, and everything he held as sacred about his former life is crashing down around him and it is making her seem more pristine by comparison. He is still holding on to the illusion that by “righting his father’s wrongs” he can redeem himself for everything he did during his 5 years away and before, and Laurel being pure is the key to that. He thinks that’s love, but obviously everyone who isn’t Oliver knows it’s not.

@jules85 @blondeeoneexox @hope-for-olicity @memcjo

#arrow #arrow meta #arrow 1x21 #arrow series spoilers #ArrowRewatch2018 #allimariexf arrow meta

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

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Wicked Games (Chapter 7)

Things got pretty awkward between me and Lauren, and even Dinah as well. Incidentally, I began to regret my decision to stay with them while my floorboards were getting replaced.

Lauren and I tip-toed around eachother as much as possible. I avoided her, and she avoided me. I tried to stay out as long as possible, so that I would come home late, and when I was there, Lauren stayed in her room.

Dinah was still friendly towards me, but I felt weird knowing that she knew, knowing that she had heard what transpired between me and Lauren. I knew it was silly, but I was avoiding her as well, feeling slightly embarassed.

I told them I was staying out late studying in the library, which was true, but I could have just as easily studied at their place. I just didn’t want to deal with the underlying tension between us three. Additionally, I hated having to pretend like everything’s normal when Mani and Ally were around. I preferred to act like nothing had ever happened, and to stop thinking about or acknowledging it.

Today was game day, and I was a little concerned the awkwardness would carry over into the game. I made the executive decision that we would need to have a talk before we let this ruin a potentially good game for us. Our opponent was Pacific Lane University, who’s in our conference. It would be our first conference game of the season. It’s especially important that we beat them and start off our league schedule on a good note, if we hoped to get to the post-season and win our conference championship.

Although Pacific Lane had not won a game thus far in the short start of the season, you could never underestimate an opponent at the college level. We had learned that the hard way last year, when we lost to what was considered the worst team in the conference and, as a result, lost our playoff contention. Any team could beat anyone on any given day. You have to bring your best every game or else you will lose.

I needed Lauren, Dinah, and I to bring our best today and not be worried about off-court issues. Which is why I texted coach and informed him that I wanted to have a players meeting between us three before shoot around. One of the reasons that I liked and respected Coach Tommy was that he let me make decisions as captain. Most coaches that I have had in the past would give you the title, but never let you do anything with it, other than shaking the refs’ hands at the beginning of the games. He truly allowed me to step into the role, no questions asked.

I stopped both Dinah and Lauren before they left the locker room to get on the court and motioned for them to come with me to the conference room. Lauren blinked at me, clearly astonished. Dinah seemed to have an understanding expression. I said nothing as we walked to the room.

The conference room was a small room, with a long wooden table, and a series of nice chairs on each side. A projector screen was on the wall at the front. This is where we hold team meetings, have film sessions, and the occassional interview. I gestured for them to sit in the available chairs at the front of the table. I sat in a chair opposite them, and then cleared my throat.

“I think we all know why we’re in here,” I started, my voice shaking slightly. I swallowed my nerves and continued, “I just want to make sure there is no more tension or distractions for our game today.”

Dinah spoke up first, while Lauren refused to meet my gaze, opting instead to stare at the ‘wonderful’ mahogany table. “Honestly Camila, I’m sorry if I’ve been a little weird lately-”

I put my hands up to cut her off, “No Dinah, I’m sorry. I’ve been the one who’s been avoiding you. You did nothing wrong. I just..” I looked from Dinah to Lauren, and then back to Dinah when Lauren did not look up, “I was embarassed that you overheard it.. ya know,” I admitted, shrugging, trying to be honest.

Dinah nodded her head, “I understand and I promise,” she said as she put both hands up, “there’s no judgment here.”

I never was concerned that there was, but I nodded, appreciating her reassurances. At the same time, I cringed internally for Lauren at the comment.

I looked over at her and noticed that she still hadn’t looked up from the table, clearly doing her best to block out this conversation. This was exactly what I didn’t need. What our team didn’t need.

“Lo, I’m going to need you to look at me, and talk to us,” I said cautiously, worried she might lash out.

Her beautiful greens finally moved up to meet my eyes. She looked back-and-forth between me and Dinah for a few beats and then sighed.

“I’m sorry for putting you on the spot here Lo, but… what happened.. happened. We can’t take that back now. I just want to move forward and make sure all of our focus is on getting that ring at the end of the year.”

She just stared at me for a few seconds, with an unreadable look in her eyes. I swallowed, worried that she wasn’t going to say anything, until at last, she nodded her head and said, “I agree. It’s in the past. It won’t be a problem on the court.”

“Ok, great,” I muttered. I got up from the table and walked around to them, opening my arms. I pulled them both in for a hug, as they stood. “I love ya’ll,” I spoke genuinely. Then I pulled away and looked at them both, “Let’s go get this win.”

Dinah was smiling. Lauren had a blank look, but they both nodded in agreement. I took that as good enough. We ran out to the court, only a few minutes late for the shootaround. I gave a thumbs up to Coach Tommy and we proceeded with putting up shots.

Once shoot around was over, we all went for our pregame meal at Subway. I came back to the gym straight after to get treatment from the trainers. They stretched me out and had me put a heat pad on my legs and hips for twenty minutes, since my muscles were often tight and tense there. Lastly, they taped my left ankle, which had a tendency to give out on me. I went through this ritual before every game.

Finally, it was time for warmups. I went into the locker room, and grabbed my uniform off the hooks, which had already been hung up for us. To finish, I put on my shooting shirt and shoes. I slid my headphones out of my ears, and put my phone away in my bag.

I closed my eyes, taking a moment to remind myself that this was my last year, and I needed to approach every game as if it was my last. I also took this time to remind myself that I know what I’m doing, to remind myself to trust my instincts.

The thing I struggled most with throughout my entire basketball career had always been more mental than physical. Confidence was often lacking with me. Some people thought I was crazy for feeling that way when I put up the kind of numbers that I was currently, and maybe it was. Unfortunately for me, there’s always a voice in the back of my head that believes I am not good enough. To this day, I still wasn’t sure why that voice had come alive. I had made strides in quieting that voice in recent years, but it was always there. Just below the surface, waiting for a few missed shots, a few turnovers, a few missed rotations on defense, to wake back up.

I went through an exercise I had researched about. I flashed through memories of good games I had in the past, good moves I made, good reads, good passes, good shots, good blocks, anything and everything to remind myself that I know how to play basketball, and that I am good at it.

Once I felt myself regain confidence, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I left the locker room, feeling in the zone, and ready to dominate.

Now, I was standing in the huddle with my fellow starters, getting the last pregame talk. Coach Tommy was reminding us that Pacific Lane loves to play a 2-3 zone defense with a trap in the corners. “We can still go to the corners, to move the defense, but make sure we zip it out of there as quickly as possible. Don’t get trapped!” Then Coach looked toward me, “Camila! Their defense cannot stop you, attack them.” I smiled slightly, appreciating his confidence in me. “Normani, draw the fouls. They love to reach on defense.” Tommy then put his arm out, for us all to meet our hands in the middle, “Win it for eachother ladies,” was the last thing he said before we broke out with a resounding, “Together!”

I stood on the left side of halfcourt, waiting for the jump. The ref threw the ball into the air between Dinah, and Pacific Lane’s center. To my delight, Dinah won the tip, and the ball found its way to Jamie, who drove immediately towards the right side of our basket. Timing it correctly, I slipped behind my defender, calling for the ball. Jamie floated it to me, and I easily hit the left-handed layup. 'Good start’ I thought as I ran back on defense.

The game continued much like that. Pacific Lane could not keep up with our offensive sets, and we got whatever we wanted relatively easy. I was on fire, Jamie was on fire, and Normani was finding us on every cut, and every screen.

We finished the game 82-57. We got ahead so much, that our bench players were able to get into the game, including Ally. The starters got to sit and rest for the entirety of the fourth quarter, which is our goal for every game.

The stats at the end of the contest found me with 18 points, 6 rebounds, 2 steals, and 2 assists. Normani had 10 points, 4 rebounds, 3 steals, and 10 assists. Dinah had 11 points, 11 rebounds (5 of which were offensive), 1 steal, 2 blocks, and 2 assists. Jamie had 15 points, 3 rebounds, and 3 assists. Missy had 8 points, 4 rebounds, 1 steal, and 1 assist.

We had 20 bench points, which is pretty remarkable. Lauren had 6 points from 2 beautiful 3-pointers, and a pair of assists. Ally even scored while she was on the court, which caused the whole bench to erupt into an array of wild cheers, in honor of our best cheerleader.

Everything was clicking for us in that game. As Coach Tommy reminded us in the locker room afterwards, it’s very hard to beat a team when they have four (almost five) players in double-digit point figures.

He told us to enjoy our vicory, but to remember that we have another game in 2 days, against a very tough conference opponent. Our record was now 4-1. I grimaced remembering our 1 loss, which came on the road during our second game of the season. I didn’t plan on adding any more to that column.

As I was unlacing my shoes, I noticed some feet move into my line of sight. I looked up to find the piercing green eyes of Lauren. She smiled slightly, as she raised her hand to give me a high-five. I hit my hand with hers and smiled back, as she stated, “Good game.”

“You too, Lo,” I responded warmly.

“Back to calling me Lo, huh?” she mumbled, half joking, but there was an underlying sentiment of sadness there as well that was unmistakable.

I leaned back, remembering how she questioned me about calling her Lauren. I didn’t realize that she paid that much attention to it. “I think that’s for the best,” I said dryly.

She nodded, and then turned to walk back to her locker. 'There it was again’ I thought. I went from feeling good and stable, to uneasy, all because of Lauren.

________________________________

AN: For future reference, all college names are fictional.

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#UPDATE #series #AU #slash #camren #based on song #angst drama #submission #Wicked Games

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celticnoise · 4 years

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TOMMY BURNS passed away on this date 12 years ago at the all-too-young age of 51.

CQN today publish the entire chapter of Davie Hay’s tribute to his fellow-Celtic legend which appeared in his autobiography, ‘The Quiet Assassin’, co-authored by Alex Gordon, which was published in 2009.

Hay, former Celtic manager, player, scout and now a Club Ambassador, was a close friend of the Hoops icon. Here is his touching homage.

PARADISE POSTPONED…Davie Hay lines up with skipper Danny McGrain, keeper Pat Bonner and playmaker Tommy Burns before the dramatic 2-1 Scottish Cup Final win over Dundee United at Hampden in 1985.

TOMMY BURNS approached me at St.Joseph’s Roman Catholic Church in Clarkston and said in a matter-of-fact manner, ‘The cancer’s back.’

There was no preamble, no warning of the information he was about impart. To passers-by, we could have been two former Celtic managers discussing the previous day’s game. How do you react to such shattering news? Tommy, of course, had already been diagnosed with the awful disease and it appeared it had gone into remission.

Now, after a chance meeting between us, Tommy had told me the news I didn’t want to hear. Sadly, one of our last meetings was at St.Cadoc’s RC Church in Newton Mearns when we were in attendance for the christening of our grandchildren, Louis and Cole.

When I looked at Tommy I saw before me an extremely courageous human being whose religion had carried him through so many obstacles in the past. Sadly, on 15 May 2008, after a brave battle, Tommy Burns succumbed to the illness. He was taken from us at the age of only fifty-one. He had so much more to contribute to life. Firstly, as a family man, a loving husband to Rosemary, a doting father to Emma, Jenna, Jonathan and Michael and a man who would have been a caring grandfather to Cole. Secondly, to all things Celtic, the club he truly loved. And, thirdly, to all of us as an inspiration.

HEAD MASTER…Tommy Burns nods in the opener in the rousing 5-0 triumph over Sporting Lisbon in 1983.

I liked Tommy a lot and it was a privilege to get to know him so well. He was a decent man and did things with a lot of style and panache. Just look at the way he played. Just recall how Celtic performed when he was manager. Everything was done with a flourish. What about that left foot? He could hit targets from all angles and ranges and it was evident even from a very early age that Tommy Burns was going to be a bit special.

I can tell you he was a 100 per cent professional when I was his Celtic manager. He had a temper, too, I seem to recall. If he didn’t agree with you, he said so. And, like a man, he said it to your face. I’ve already talked in a previous chapter about taking him off during the 1985 Scottish Cup Final while we were losing 1-0 to Dundee United. He didn’t agree with that decision and was swift to let me know as he walked past me to the substitutes’ bench.

But he was the first to give me a hug when that final whistle went and we had won 2-1. That was so typical of the man. Tommy had such a lovely demeanour that he made everyone in his company totally relaxed. He had a good sense of humour and possessed a sharp wit, that’s for sure. For me, Tommy always epitomised the spirit of Celtic and I count him among my blessings.

I know he rated our 5-0 UEFA Cup triumph over Sporting Lisbon in November 1983 as his favourite European night and I have to say it is one of mine, too. Tommy gave me a lot of credit afterwards for psyching up the team before kick-off. We were trailing 2-0, of course, and I was emphasising the urgent requirement of an early goal. Actually, I didn’t have to exactly work overtime getting the players geared up for this one. With guys such as Tommy Burns around and the determination he possessed, words were often redundant.

He and the rest of the players were ready to fight their corner and I remember that being a fabulous evening of entertainment and excellent goals – one a rare header from Tommy for our first. At the end of an unforgettable and thoroughly enjoyable experience I complimented Tommy on his display. He shrugged and said: “‘I just did my bit.” You could say he was quite an unassuming kind of guy. He loved the European stage and his skills were tailor-made for this level.

It is so unfair that Celtic were not more successful than they were during his reign as boss. His classy play deserved success, but he came up against a Rangers team that was on a roll. Look at season 19995/96, for instance. Celtic lost only three domestic games – all to Rangers – and it was enough to scupper them in three competitions.

ON THE BALL…Tommy Burns in action in the 2-1 Scottish Cup Final victory over Dundee United in 1985. Ralph Milne looks impressed.

That’s unbelievably cruel. Celtic went down in the first Old Firm league encounter at Parkhead on 30 September after dominating the match for forty-four minutes in the opening half. Then Rangers full-back Alec Cleland, a guy who scored as often as we witness Haley’s Comet, went upfield, caught the defence unawares and headed past Gordon Marshall.

The second-half saw a typically determined Burns outfit throw everything at their rivals. What happened? Paul Gascoigne broke away and netted the second. It finished 2-0. The other three Glasgow derbies ended in draws, but I’m sure even Tommy might not have minded dropping a couple of points after the exhausting and exhilarating 3-3 draw at Ibrox on 19 November.

That was a Tommy Burns-type of game. It encapsulated everything he liked in football; entertaining, attacking, daring play from both sides. And there was a goal from Andreas Thom that will live forever in the memory banks of anyone lucky enough to see it. The German dynamo, another entrancing talent brought to the club by Tommy, cut it from the left and drilled an emphatic effort from outside the box past the helpless Andy Goram. At the end of the campaign, though, the league title was back in Govan and Celtic, after losing one game in thirty-six, were adrift by four points. The champions actually lost two games more, but eleven draws counted against Celtic.

The League Cup draw saw Walter Smith’s men travel across Glasgow for the quarter-final. Andy Goram was in an unbeatable mood and a high-flying save from a Paul McStay drive near the end will remain one of the most breathtaking saves I have ever seen. Celtic played well that Tuesday evening on 19 September in the east end of Glasgow, but a wee chap called Ally McCoist was to have the final say. The defence took their eye off him for a moment as a ball came in from the right and the Rangers striker got up at the far post to nod in the only goal of a tense confrontation.

Interest in the Scottish Cup ended at the semi-final stage, beaten 2-1 by Rangers at Hampden. That man McCoist got the opener when Gordon Marshall couldn’t hold a lot shot and Brian Laudrup, undoubtedly the sort of player Tommy would have welcomed in any of his line-ups, lobbed in the second. Pierre van Hooijdonk pulled one back and a great chance fell to Simon Donnelly minutes from time. Alas, from only yards out, he contrived to put the ball over the bar. Who would have blamed Tommy for giving up football forever there and then!

HOOP HOOP HOORAY…Tommy Burns (extreme right) with his celebrating Celtic team-mates after the 1983 Scottish Cup Final triumph.

Walter Smith, after picking up a league and Cup double, won the Scottish Football Writers’ Manager of the Year award. I will always remember how he opened his acceptance speech. He said: “Thank you for this award and for all of those who voted for me.” There was a brief pause before the Rangers manager continued: “But there is another man who should be here collecting this honour – Tommy Burns.”

It was a fabulous gesture from Walter Smith, a man who realised better than most what Tommy was trying to achieve and how he was going about it at Celtic, Rangers’ fiercest rivals. Walter would also know the pressure that is relentless on an Old Firm boss. The demands are endless.

Walter Smith, along with Ally McCoist, would help carry Tommy Burns’ coffin into St.Mary’s Church, in the Calton district of Glasgow, twelve short years later. Tommy’s ex-Celtic colleagues Pat Bonner, George McCluskey, Peter Grant and Danny McGrain were the other pallbearers, but the presence of the two Ibrox men merely demonstrated that Tommy Burns transcended the Great Divide in Glasgow.

Thousands lined the streets as the cortege made its way from the east end of Glasgow to Linn Cemetery on the south side of the city. There were Celtic, Rangers and all sorts of football fans present to say their last farewells to a great man. There were people there who probably didn’t know the shape of a football, but they had turned out to pay their tributes. You need to be special to achieve that.

Tommy Burns was special.

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#CelticNoise #Celtic #CelticFC #CelticQuickNews

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survivingjapan · 7 years

Text

EPISODE 12 “Cries in Japanese” - Steffen

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh THE ANGELS HAVE SPOKEN, I AM THE CHOSEN ONE THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENEDDDDDD SHOOKETH. AND NOW IM AT MERGE WITH A LOT MORE LIFE LEFT IN ME GAWD. GAWD IS GOOD. PURRAISE GAWD FUR VITTORY

https://youtu.be/2e2WBCDcOSs

http://youtu.be/fi-5lcsiBHc godt

Okay now that I've got my composure back, here's a recap of what happened: 1) I made a chat with Steffen and Drew, made a very logical and reasonable plea, and awaited their reply for several hours 2) I flat-out told Dom and Ashton I would be voting for one of them for the sake of clarity. Ended up deciding on Ashton since he tried to lie to me again like I'm some idiot? 3) Steffen and Drew were honest with me - flat-out said they were sending me home 4) I get frustrated and rageful. I decide that just because they say I'm out doesn't mean I'm out, so I go to Ashton and spill tea on how they don't trust him 5) He runs back to Drew and tells him what I say 6) I explode in main chat because I have nothing to lose and make it a point to know that the 4 of them are tight 7) 45 minutes before tribal, Pippa messages me, saying how she likes my genuine nature, doesn't think I deserve to leave, and would be willing to hand me her and Andrew's idol. 8) I freak out and then find myself in a f3 alliance with the both of them - the deal is that I play the idol on myself and vote for Drew. (Which is what I did) 9) Before our idol exchange is complete, Sarah starts rage-calling me (on Snap and on Skype) to say that I wasn't going anywhere. 10) Confused, I let her continue as we go on call. She tells me of her special idol that resets the challenge. She promises to throw so that I can merge. and I was over here contemplating how I would face Matt and Bodhi after getting pre-merged. wowza! dont count miss crow out! VL Confessional: caw caw aint dead yet bitch!

Now that merge has come around, I've been offered wayyy too many alliances. First off, we have the general, villains alliance of the last 5 of us. Then we have the inner core of that between myself, Tommy, and Sarah. Then we have the true inner core of that between myself, Sarah, and Brian. Then we have the iconic power duo of myself and Sarah within that. THEN I'm now working with Andrew and Pippa in a final 3 alliance. AND ON TOP OF THAT Johnny is trying to orchestrate an alliance between myself, Brian, him, and Steffen AND THE CHERRY ON THE FUCKING CAKE Is that Drew is still trying to salvage w/e the fuck we have at this point... but I told him no. so. there's that. ANYWAYS. CROW HAS LIFE AGAIN IN THIS GAME!

SO WOW! Honestly, the past 12 hours has been overwhelmingly shocking, and I've purposely taken a step back for multiple reasons. One was because I didn't want to dig too deep into people about what happened with Ashton's blindside, particularly with Crow and Steffen, and also I didn't want to be too eager. Last time I played I was way too eager at merge, and it caught me on the second vote, so I'm not trying to go down that early again this time. Let's recap though: 1. Crow got an idol given to him by a hero, and no one knows which one yet, and that person made a deal with him that Crow couldn't tell anyone, and it means he won't even tell me. 2. Crow doesn't trust Steffen anymore because Steffen voted for Crow originally, and then used his power, which made Crow think that Steffen didn't trust him, and that Crow would use his vote against Steffen, which made Crow wary. 3. Steffen had a second "idol" he didn't tell me about............ INTERESTING! I mean listen. I wouldn't have told Steffen if I found an idol either, but still, I partially thought we had an understanding, but I also totally wouldn't expect him to just give it to me, that's his, and he can do what he wants with it. If anything, I can guilt trip him about our idol. 4. Drew knew about Steffen's vote steal idol, which means that those two revealed themselves as a tight duo as well, and I know that I have that tight duo relationship with Drew, and also with Steffen, and in fact I share an idol with both of them, so I'm curious as to what they may or may not have told each other... All I will find out soon I'm sure. 5. Tommy told me that there was an alliance with Isaac, Kendall, Alex, Drew, Pippa, Andrew, but little does he know that I was in that alliance too, and I think it's getting out because Alex told Tommy after the aftermath of the Isaac vote, which is very interesting, and also turns out that Tommy was told I was the one that threw out his name, so Tommy may be wary of me at this point, and I need to look out for that. I told Trace and Dom that I was in that alliance, so this way they knew about it before they could be told I was a part of it as well, and they find me sketchy, and Steffen already knows. Last but not least, rip Ashton. What a great lad, and would've been an incredible sheep in my grand scheme, but now I need to look for alternative options. My plan for the day is to talk around, not talk about any proposals of plans or anything, except with Steffen, and then get Steffen back on Crow's good side. Brian and I did our part, and now Crow and Steffen need to go through therapy in order for the four of us to be able to be double agents for each other during this beginning phase of merge. I'm curious how this day is going to go on, but it shall be interesting to see how everything plays out. This is where the game takes a step forward, and everything resets, and I'm ready to play an under the radar snaky game. I think a lot of people trust me, and I'm going to have to do a lot of damage control along the way, but at this point, I'm playing with no fear, and I'm going full force into this merge in a very strategic manner, so bring it on!

Coming into merge, you need to count on your relationships, and I know mine are overly shaky, but I still think I can bounce back from some of them. These are the people I trust in order: 1. Steffen - My ride or die, he knows I won't turn on him, we share an idol together and I've told him almost everything about my game, but still huge threat. 2. Trace - Too standup of a guy, and I know he trusts me or Dom the most, but legitimately wants him, Dom and I in the finals, so I'm gonna keep with that. 3. Crow - I really don't see any benefit in Crow's game where he turns on me, and it's great to know that because we're that good of friends. 4. Dom - We don't talk as much one on one, but we still are pretty damn solid, and he doesn't seem like the kinda guy to make a move against me this early. 5. Andrew - I really really really want to work with Andrew probably more than anyone above, but at the same time, I've gotta just keep on my toes because he wants this bad and seems like he would do anything to get it. 6.Drew - I just don't think Drew is going to last deep, but we share an idol, and it seems our relationship was by force, but he was the one who asked for a deal, so i'll hold to it for now? 7. Tommy - Tommy is a fucking sociopath, but loves me for some reason. We'll see with that boy, but I see people coming for him hard soon, and I'm not going to be too bothered if he goes. 8. Brian - I built this relationship with Brian right when we swapped tribes, and I know he isn't too active, but I want to have his back for Steffen's sake, and hopefully it will transfer to my sake as well. 9. Junior - I have been bro'ing down with him a lot, and I think there's a very good shot that we can maintain a decent relationship for the time being, but I'm not looking to solidify deals or anything. 10. Pippa - I think she's still mad at me from the Isaac vote, and I just can't believe that she wants to work with me. I think Andrew will work on her for me. 11. Kendall - Kendall and I share a bit of interest in this game, and I think she has bigger fish to fry, but she's horribly inactive and doesn't deserve to be here anymore, and in order to knock down Sarah, I've gotta go for Kendall first. 12. Sarah - Easily the biggest threat to my personal game left right now. She knows that I threw her name around the only tribal we went to, and now I have a big Bull's Eye on my back, so I've just gotta lay low, remain cordial and hope she tries to use me for moves opposed to going for me. Only time will tell. I do know that Sarah/Brian/Crow/Junior are VERY close, I'm not too sure about Tommy, but he seems like he's not too hellbent on the Heroes vs Villains thing. I'm trying to lay low so hard, and I'm hoping to use my relationships to the best of my abilities for as long as I can, but I know I'm going to be under fire sooner rather than later. I really want to come off as unthreatening for the time being and hope that people don't see a purpose of coming for me, but at the same time, I want to utilize these idols that I have in my back pocket and show that I can add something to my resume, but only time will tell how things will go. I want to purposely not invest as much time in talking to people for the sole reason of sticking around longer, even if it's at the expense of my allies.

so like...time to put the charm on trace his insecurities are getting idoled out and basically being a goat so hopefully i can convince him that hes being johnnys goat and that he can flip ... not that i want him to flip right away but hes now my work in progess WISH ME LUCK? FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK IMMA NEED IT

I've been lackluster on these, oops. Hopefully I survive this round in order to ensure that I can be super extra in the following rounds and make more confessionals. Anyway, game stuff ! Crow and Steffen? Not on great terms right now! Hopefully that gets fixed because an alliance between the three of us plus Johnny is supposed to be a thing that's supposed to run this game. So yea ! Crow and Sarah? My parents! Favorite alliance I have with my 2 "day 1s." I'll try and stick loyal to this, however I think that going to the end with either of this people is death. I think I'm currently in a shitty position to win. Like I'll need to become super duper likable quick because I'm currently sitting around big threat after big threat. Sarah's being targeted. Andrew's being targeted. Drew's being targeted. Johnny's being targeted. Steffen's being targeted. And of COURSE, almost all of these people are people I'd love to go far with. But realistically, if I had to pick a final 3 right here, right now. I'd love to go to the end with Pippa and Kendall. I feel like they're both likable, but I feel like they're games are kinda lackluster up to this point. Who am I to speak though when mine isn't too hot either? Anyway, that's just me rn. I'll be back later after immunity!

Okay so fuck. We merged. And first I'd like to say. Ahem. YES. TWAS I WHO STARTED THE FIRE UPON DREW'S HOUSE!! So fuckin basically I had been thinking about giving Crow the hero idol after his rant in the one world bc like I don't trust Drew and getting him out before merge would have been amazing. So I'm screaming about it in my host chat and then Pippa messages me hey I have a really awful idea and I'm like oh fuck we might have the same idea can we call and I'm like okay we'll say our ideas in the 3 2 1 and the it happens and we're both like "GIVE CROW THE HERO IDOL AND GET HIM TO KILL DREW" dfghjkl and I'm like AAAAA and she's like AAAAA and we're both like AAAAA ! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! !!! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!! ! ! ! !!! ! ! Anyway Pippa gets good with Crow and I'm like fuck okay Crow seems like he's someone who plays based on loyalty but we could be TOTALLY fucking wrong BUT he does end up playing the idol and voting Drew. Perfect plan, right? Well know because Steffen exists. And I should have seen this shit coming because I knew from way back when from Isaac's rat ass that Steffen found that vote steal day 2. And of COURSE Steffen doesn't take the opportunity to vote Drew anyway because Steffen rarely makes big moves (looks back at the ballsy comment). So Ashton goes and I feel like shit but at the same time it sounded like Ashton was up Drew's ass so I'd rather him then Dom especially bc I think we wanna target Dom this round if he isn't immune? Also I now have Ashton's idol all to myself :~) Still woulda been nice tho if Drew went bc basically what this was was Drew asking too many questions about Alex leaving with the brawn idol so I basically called a meeting with Drew by some train tracks and was gonna push him in front of the next oncoming train house of cards style but... can't have everything! Honestly this was just Pippa and I being like - rather be iconic and lose than be boring and win. And like fuck it we tried making a power play okay? Idc I can say I tried. And now it's fuckin hilarious bc everyone's on a wild goose chase to find who gave Crow the hero idol bc it was actually revealed on an official pic that that was the hero idol lmao. Whoops! Also I'm pretty sure Crow told Sarah bc I got some interesting info from Junior last night that at like 8:30 Sarah had to get off call with Junior because Crow needed to call her and I'm like hmmmmmm but idk if he leaked who gave it to him. I know they're close tho. So now it comes down to who to take out. Basically Junior and I had a talk and there are kinda floater minions who can get far - specifically Kendall and Brian for Sarah and Dom for Drew. He initially wanted to go for Kendall or Brian but I suggested maybe link up with Sarah's crew first to take out Dom before Drew gets into too big of a power position. That way, I can be pushing my own agenda of continuing to work with Crow bc Pippa and I have a final 3 deal with him at this point. Which idk how strongly we're all gonna stick to it but I'd like to stick to it as long as I realistically can unless I'm voted out first? Yeah idk. We'll see. But this could also garner trust with Sarah. The other fun thing is if Dom (a hero) goes first then Junior's paranoid ass said he'd be fine taking out Brian (a villain) next, just because Junior still has a worry that the heroes will gang up on the villains and I'm like lmao at this point I don't trust most of the heroes left but okay Junior! Yeah honestly I'm gonna try working with Brian but we kinda have a messy history both in and out of the game, and I usually don't with people but I can at least try with him even thought I want him out soon? He probably wants me gone soon too so like oh well. Only person I haven't talked to all game tho. Also there's Johnny and Trace which side note - Johnny, Sarah, and Drew have kinda been labeled the leaders I think at this point? Idk if Junior, Pippa, and I are also seen as a faction but I guess we'll find out soon. So I'm looking out for Johnny too bc I'm kinda suspicious of him, and I think Trace is definitely with him. Anyway I think we'll get a clearer picture of wtf is happening after immunity results, but I just wanna make sure I'm good with Crow, keep Sarah from being paranoid, get a good target on Dom, and test the waters with Brian. Whew. I have my work cut out for me and if I flop 13th place here I come!

Operation STAY UNDER THE RADAR is in full swing. Here's my philosophy on this. I think that I'm fairly safe this round, and my name will probably not go around, just due to the Villains who I have relationships with, and I just don't see it happening. I don't care if I'm on the wrong side of the vote this round because the second round of merge always proves to be the most hectic. Everyone wants the first round to be easy, which means that it's typically side vs side, but the second round is when everyone jumps around and starts acting crazy, and that's where I'll SLOWLY slide from the cracks. I don't care who goes, I hope idols and shit are played and, as long as it isn't me, I know I'm strategically capable to work any angle I need to next round, but why be pushy now? It's still final 13 and I'm not looking to become a target for at least 3-4 more rounds, until I have to finally start hustling at this game. It's all in the plan... It's all in the plan.

Honestly, this round they're going for Junior or Kendall, and I, for the first time, have no fucking idea where those names came from, but once I know exactly who is doing what, I'm just going to make my rounds and make sure that people trust that I'm doing what they want me to do, so they think I'm more valuable. I'm at a point in the game where I am laying lower than I ever have before, and I think that this is going to be a really good round for me. I'm waiting to see which person my alliance of five is going to target, and then that's probably how I'll vote, and no one will think differently of me for it. Personally, i'd like it if Junior stayed and Kendall went home, but Junior going home wouldn't be horrible either because he's a villain, and I can't get a great read on him, but I'm also contemplating trying to scoop him up as an ally, so we'll see what ends up happening. This round should be pretty simple for me. I just have to play it cool, and then hope to advance my position as time goes on.

I FEEL BETRAYED *blood drips from my heart* APPARENTLY there was an alliance made with Kendall, Sarah, Brian, Tommy, Steffen and Drew in it, and they're all trying to get Junior out tonight and I'm fucking choking. How DARE they try to do something without me? They must go bye bye now. I am absolutely using this to get the rest of the numbers onto voting for Kendall and hoping that it works. Again, I'm not going to go to town with this, but hopefully Kendall can go home tonight, and then Drew and Steffen have no choice but to come back to us, and then later on, I can even blame Tommy to Sarah and just say that I was going on self preservation and that I need to do stuff to work on this.

http://youtu.be/DqrxfTd1F6c

ROCKS

#returnrevengeredemption #confessionals

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