#this is both the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen

[jenanigans1207]

If you guys haven’t seen the “ur fav listens to Taylor swift” account on Twitter committing these crimes, allow me to show you.

#I’m absolutely losing my shit over this #I can’t believe #my jaw hit the ground #this is both the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen #and also the cruelest #whoever runs that account is an evil mastermind #and also needs to atone for these sins #to answer for their crimes #bsd #bsd spoilers #skk #soukoku #bungo stray dogs #ch 101 spoilers

[lilgynt]

okay i was looking through old drafts and this is so funny looking back kid ur literally just autistic it’s okay

#personal #i’m sorry but i love reading old shit me bc one #WOAH. did not know how fucking crazy i was #like i forgot i wrote some shit read it #and it’s both the funniest and fucking SADDEST thing i’ve ever seen #bc on one hand it’s me so that’s HILARIOUS #on the other oh my god that was a literal CHILD saying that oh my GOD #okay but ignoring the comedy aspect of this i just think it’s really sweet #i genuinely forgot i wrote this or even felt that way #and now remembering that yeah i remember feeling that super strongly #and not even JUST ninjago like anything that was my then unknown special interest #i just kinda forgot about how bad i felt about that shit #now it’s just like yeah i’m buying a bracelet with spock’s face all over bc i like it #yeah my room is covered wall to wall in hannibal posters and im planning on buying more #yes i openly talk about ninjago a lot and people ask me questions about legos or ninjago bc they know i probably know #so it’s just kinda sweet to see that transition. like completely forgetting i used to be embarrassed by this #it’s just such a fun part of my life and i love engaging with things i like too much #at most i have a quick like oh jeez moment if loved ones express that i’m just kinda #going too hard at the moment but that doesn’t happen often at all #i’m just kinda happy for past graham and wish i could let him know he’s fine

[skylarsblue]

✦I have more C.o.D Quotes✦

Gaz: How’s your head? Y/N: Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet. Gaz: …excuse me? Y/N: Oh uh, I think I’ll live-

-- (Somewhere in Greece with a fuck ton of cats) Ghost, watching Price sneeze every five seconds: What a catastrophe. Gaz: No. Y/N: PFFT- Soap: Stop, no, don’t encourage him. Y/N: Ahem! Right, right. Not funny. Ghost: I am purrfectly capable of being funny. Y/N: *struggling* Gaz: Sometimes I wish you didn’t have a mouth.

-- Just a scene of Y/N taking out a bottle of whiskey, unscrewing they cap, then putting one of those lid caps on. (Like the ones you have on those fancy Gatorades) Taking a huge swig and closing the cap on it as Soap watches in amusement, & Price in fear.

-- Ghost: Quit messing with my hand. Soap: Quit messing with my hair! Y/N: Quit being gay. Gaz: PFFFT Y/N: Both problems solved.

-- Y/N, on the comms: You have thirteen seconds before the building fucking explodes you hot topic wannabe- Ghost: … Y/N: And you green gumball son of a bitch. Gaz: Wha-?! Soap: *WHEEZE* Y/N: You have done nothing but ruin my life; I hope you both die.

-- Soap, Gaz, & Y/N: *cackling* Laswell, losing at poker: I miss my wife, Price. Price: *places down cards* Laswell: I miss my wife.

-- Ghost, overstimulated & a lil drunk: AHHHHHH MY BONES Y/N: *frantically getting headphones* Soap, drunk: *wheeze* Gaz: Ah. I know I should’ve- *dies coughing* Soap: *more wheezing*

-- Graves *kicks in door* WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER DOT COM?! Y/N: SUCK IT, BITCH BOY!! Alejandro: *aggressively slapping his leg while silently laughing* Rudy: *pointing and laughing* Valeria, in handcuffs: Ha, dumbass.

-- Graves: Bitch, you are gonna get in this car or I’m popping between ya eyes! Valeria: Hey, I know you. I saw your dick on Twitter! Graves: NOOOOOO Y/N: AHAHA!

-- Graves: C’mon Johnn- Y/N: *chucks a rock at Graves’ head* Graves: OW, WHY?! Y/N: NO JOHNNY FOR YOU! He goes by Soap and we respect that! Graves: Ghost calls him that! Y/N: CAUSE GHOST HAS PERMISSION, you EARN the right to Johnny! And I will be damned if anyone else earns the right before me. I been working my ass off to get the Johnny privilege and you will NOT get it for free! Soap, who’s just been standing there the whole time: *leans to Gaz* Have they actually been taking it that seriously? Gaz: Yeah. They’ve also been working real hard to try and get the right to call Captain “John”. Shoulda seen their face when I said they can call me Kyle. Soap: That’s…really sweet, I’ll give’em permission later. Gaz: Why not now? Soap: I wanna see that bastard get chewed out some more.

-- Y/N, perched on Price’s desk: Captain. Price: *sigh* Y/N: Captain I crave violence.

-- Ghost: Your family line deserves to die with you, only shame it didn’t end before you. Graves: ….I just sat down!

-- Y/N: You’re like…the human incarnation of crumbs in the bed. Graves: Oh c’MON THAT’S REAL MEAN Ghost: It’s true though. Y/N: The kinda crumbs that you keep swiping away but somehow they never leave- Graves: Alright! You know what- Soap: Like getting in bed after going to the beach. Gaz: Sand in the bed, yeah. Feels like that when he talks. Graves: I’M JUST GONNA FUCKIN LEAVE! Y/N: *watches him go* Annnd now the sheets have been changed. Ghost: Clean from filth. Alejandro: You all are so cruel and it’s perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

-- Gaz: Things Gucci with you? Y/N: It’s Goodwill at best, my guy. Price: I don’t know what this means but I feel like I should be concerned.

-- (Mild NSFW Jokie Time) Gaz: You alright? You been zoned out. Y/N: Hm? Nah I’m good, just having depraved thoughts. Gaz: Depraved, you say? Soap: Oh do tell. Y/N: You just…you ever see someone and think “they have pretty eyes”. And that’s normal. But then the little devil in the back of ya skull goes “yeah they’d look good rolled back”. Or am I just a whore? Gaz: That is depraved. Soap: Got a good point though.

-- Y/N: Ooo! Look! Old pictures of Captain, this one’s dated. You would’ve been…19 in this one. Lemme s-…… Gaz: Lemme see! ….. Price: What? Y/N: …..you were a whore, weren’t you captain? Gaz: That’s the face of an arrogant bastard who fucks regularly. Price: I…might’ve been a bit of a playboy. Y/N: And I would’ve fallen for it you god damn bastard, no ones fACE SHOULD BE THAT NICE!

-- Valeria, painting her nails: I might kill my ex, not the best idea. His new girlfriend’s next- Alejandro: ….. Rudy: ….should I be worried? Alejandro: Move away quietly and pray.

-- Ghost: For the record this is self destructive. Soap, chugging his 5th energy drink in the past hour: For the record, I’m aware of that.

-- MILF!Y/N: Boys. Bed, now. I wanna talk to your captain. Price: No, boys stay. Please stay- Y/N: Go. Price: Stay. The boys: *concern, panic, perhaps a bit of fear* Y/N: Go! Price: Stay! Y/N: You go! Soap: *speed walking* Price: Soap, stay! Y/N: NOW! Gaz: *slowly backing away* Price: Gaz, don’t move! Y/N: YOU GO! Price: SIMON- Ghost: *leaving*

-- Ghost: What was Plan A? Soap: …don’t fuck up. Ghost: And what was Plan B? Gaz: Don’t fuck up Plan A. Ghost: And what did you do? Y/N: …fucked up plan a- Ghost: YOU FUCKED UP PLAN A-

-- Ghost: What’s rule number one? Soap, with dynamite: Party! Ghost: NO! No, not party! No!

-- Graves: How about after this, we get a drink? Y/N: …I would rather gouge out my eyes and blindly navigate a way to turn them into earrings than ever be anywhere alone with you. Soap, grinning: Ooooo brutal! Ghost: Karma.

-- Ghost: Wait…Johnny’s into me? Like…he LIKES me?? Gaz: Oh Si…you poor, sad, dense mother fucker.

-- Ghost: At least nothing of importance was lost. Laswell: …Graves was kidnapped. Ghost: I know. I said what I said. Y/N: Nothing of value was lost but we did shed off some trash! Ghost: Precisely.

-- Ghost: These lights make me wanna pull my eyes out and eat them. Medic!Y/N: *turns lights off in favor of a lamp* …alright, so you’re autistic, good to know.

-- Ghost: Should I get my reading glasses? Y/N: Oh no no, this isn’t an eye test. It’s a GAY test. Now tell me, *holds up picture of Farah & Graves; Price being 1* Number one, or number two? Ghost: Number one?… Y/N: Interesting. *holds up Farah & Soap, Soap being 2* Okay now number one, or number two? Ghost: *gasp* Y/N: Number two, right? Ghost: Maybe I am gay?

-- Waitress: So, I’ve gotta ask, I’m really curious. 141: ? Waitress: Have any of you ever used like…the military language in bed? Soap: Naaaah. Y/N: No, I don’t- PFFFT, I- *wheeze* I’m sorry I’m imagining it- Gaz: *biting back laughs* Y/N: “You gonna come?” Affirmative. *laughs* Soap: *WHEEZE* Gaz: *cackling* Price: Oh lord- Gaz, snickering: Picking up speed. Y/N: COPY- *Laughter x100* The entire team: *giggling like hyenas* Ghost: Uh, that’s a no. I don’t think we’ve done that.

-- Price: *smiles at Soap & Gaz being stupid* Y/N: I like when you smile. Price: …huh? Y/N: Your smile, I like it. Makes your eyes crinkle up and your beard makes you look like a cuddly bear. You should smile more. Price, internally on the verge of tears: *fond sigh* Get back to drills, soldier. Y/N: Yes sir!

-- Ghost: *minding his fucking business* Y/N: You have pretty eyes. Ghost: *chokes on air* Pardon? Y/N: You have pretty eyes. Ghost: No I-…they’re just brown. Y/N: So? Your eyes don’t have to be blue or green to be pretty. They’re pretty because they’re expressive, and when the sun hits them they look like syrup. I like’em best when we’re all at a bar. They get brighter then. Ghost: Ghost: …stop talking, sergeant. Y/N: Copy that, L.T! <3

-- Gaz: *laughing at something on his phone* Y/N: You have a great laugh. Gaz: Hm? Oh…really? Y/N: Mhm. It’s cute, comes from your chest. I’ve never heard you laugh in anyway that’s not genuine. Really fills the room with joy. Gaz: Dude, you’re gonna make me all soft with words like that. Y/N: All according to plan!

-- Soap: *rambling about something* Y/N: *listening intently* Soap: Then-…ah, I been talkin’ at you this whole time, eh? Should probably quiet down. Y/N: No no, I like your voice! Soap: Eh? Y/N: It’s super energetic and loud, and when you tell a joke or talk about something you love, it’s like you can hear your smile. It’s really fun to listen to. I like when you talk! Soap: *inhale* You’re gonna make me cry- Y/N: I have tissues!

-- König: *fidgeting* Y/N: *takes his hands* You have beautiful hands. König: Wh- Huh?? No they are not. Y/N: They are too! König: Nien, they’re rough and calloused, they break a lot of things… Y/N: They also pet stray cats, make the best coffee on base, and create crotchet works of art. They also mend wounds pretty well. Yeah they fire guns but that doesn’t make them less beautiful. König: *he’s actually crying* …Danke. Y/N: Don’t mention it!

-- Rudy: *rolling his shoulder* Y/N: Anyone ever tell you that you have great shoulders? Rudy: Hm? Oh uh…no, I don’t believe so. Y/N: Well you do! Rudy: Ah, gracias. When I was younger I wanted them to be broader, sometimes now I wish they were more narrow. Can never really be happy with’em, you know? Y/N: Well I think you should be. They’re strong! *gently pats his shoulders* They hold a lot of weight, metaphorically and physically. And even when they’re weighed down, you shoulder it and keep moving. You’re real good at that! I like your shoulders. Rudy, prepared to die for them: …gracias. Y/N: No problem! Now c’mon, the guys are waitin’ for us!

-- Y/N: You have good collarbones. Alejandro: What was that? Y/N: Sorry, I know that’s real specific, but I think your collarbones are pretty. It’s like…the rest of you is bulky and strong, rugged. Then you have these delicate bones. I’m probably being too poetic but it’s like a subtle nod to your gentler side, just, built into your body. Alejandro: …you have a lovely way with words, camarada. Y/N: Thank you! I appreciate that!!

#incorrect cod quotes #call of duty x y/n #call of duty #call of duty x reader #cod x gn reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #captain john price #john price x reader #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #alejandro vargas #valeria el sin nombre garza #phillip graves #rodolfo rudy parra #rodolfo x reader #ghostsoap #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick x reader #konig x reader #konig call of duty #alejandro x rodolfo #kate laswell

[theemporium]

[1.6k] in which a flower bouquet arrives at your door that certainly wasn't sent by your boyfriend. (based off this request)

series masterlist

.

In your defence, you had nothing to do with the prank. 

It had taken a while for Luke to come around to the idea of you and Quinn being together. He loved you both, wanted nothing more than two of his favourite people in the world to be happy. But it still took some time to get used to the shift in relationships considering almost a year ago the two of you barely spoke. 

But all things considered, he was doing much better than you expected—except for one thing. 

Luke had deemed it necessary that his brother proved himself worthy of dating his best friend. 

You thought he was joking. Quinn thought he was being dramatic. And Jack thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard, meaning he totally enabled his younger brother into taking the whole thing seriously. 

You had expected Luke to give his oldest brother a shovel talk. Maybe threaten him a little. Maybe even whine about it a little longer, because honestly he got over that phase a lot quicker than you expected. 

You hadn’t expected a series of trials to be set up for your boyfriend.

It started off with random questions thrown at Quinn at the most unsuspecting times, ways for Luke to see if his older brother really knew you. He asked about your favourite colour, your favourite snacks, what you liked when you were sad and so many more simple questions that had Quinn rolling his eyes as he answered. 

Then, it escalated to throwing random scenarios. Like what Quinn would do if you were stranded and he was halfway across the country. Or what Quinn would do if you had been abducted by aliens and returned with no memory of him. Or what Quinn would do if you decided to become a diehard Leafs fan.

It was annoying for Quinn, but ultimately it was harmless. 

You hadn’t realised there was another test. You hadn’t realised you inspired it when you were on the phone with Luke a couple of weeks ago. 

It became a staple in your relationship for Quinn to send you a bouquet of flowers. It was his little way of showing he cared, of showing that distance wasn’t going to get in between him showing his love for you. It was sweet and it made your heart swoon and he fucking adored the way you always called him as soon as they arrived, sharing your reaction to his chosen bouquet each time.

So, in all honesty, it was no shock to you when a bouquet had been delivered to your door that morning. You hadn’t bothered to look for a note because you knew who it was from, you knew that Quinn would probably walk out of your room and see the flowers and throw some stupid, cheesy line at you that had your body flushing. 

“What the fuck?”

It never occurred to you that Quinn was never the one who sent them. 

He stumbled out of your room around thirty minutes after you initially woke up, his eyes still tired and bleary from sleep. He was dragging his feet along the floor as he walked, a pair of sweatpants halfheartedly thrown on as he went off to find you and try to drag you back to bed. After all, it wasn’t often he got the chance to visit you during the season. Spending that limited time together in bed sounded ideal to him. 

However, his body was wide fucking awake the second he walked into the kitchen and saw an unfamiliar bouquet of flowers sat on the counter.

You turned to look at him, your smile waning a little when you noticed his pissed off expression. “Jesus, I know you’re bad before coffee in the mornings but I’ve never seen you this grumpy.” 

Quinn ignored the jab, nodding towards the flowers. “Who sent you those?” 

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What? You did?”

Quinn frowned as he turned to look at you. “No, I didn’t. I chose tulips. Those aren’t tulips.” 

You shot him a blank look, very well aware the huge bouquet of red roses were not tulips. 

“Maybe you forgot what you chose,” you told him with a shrug, taking a step towards him so you could wind your arms around his waist. You felt him lean into the embrace, wrapping one arm around you as the other reached towards the flowers. “You can’t remember what you’ve chosen every single time.”

“I do,” Quinn said bluntly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Of course he remembered which flowers he sent you. The boy spent more time than he cared to admit choosing a bouquet, trying to imagine which ones you’d like the most. 

“Oh,” you murmured, but there was a cheesy grin making its way on your face as you placed a quick peck to his collarbone. “Petey was right, you’re such a sap.”

“I still don’t know how I feel about this newfound friendship between you and Petey,” Quinn grumbled when he noticed a note tucked between the stems of the flowers. He reached for it, a frown on his face as his eyes glanced over the note. “Who’s George?” 

You blinked, pulling your head back. “I don’t know a George.” 

Quinn’s expression darkened. “Well, some creep called George knows you and is now sending you flowers.” 

“What?” You grumbled as you reached for the note.

pretty flowers for a pretty girl  –george xx

You blinked. “What the fuck?”

Quinn’s eyes narrowed at the bouquet of flowers, his arm tightening around you like he was proving a point. “They are a terrible set of roses anyways. Red is so tacky. What the fuck does George think it is, Valentine’s Day? He has shitty taste.” 

“I—” You turned to your boyfriend. “Some random guy has my address and is sending me shit, and your priority is his taste in bouquets?” 

“I’m just saying,” Quinn grumbled with a shrug of his shoulders. “He isn’t gonna win you over with some measly roses.” 

You shook your head in response. “Babe, you are—” 

RING! RING! RING!

The two of you froze for a short moment, glancing at each other as your phone’s ringing continued to echo through your small kitchen. There was a moment of hesitation before Quinn reached for it, shoulders tensed like he was expecting to see some unknown number on your screen.

His body visibly relaxed when he saw it was a facetime call from Luke.

He handed you the phone, settling in behind you with his arms still wound around you like he was unwilling to let go of you anytime soon. He hooked his chin on your shoulder, leaning his head against yours as you answered the call.

“Oh. Ew.” 

You rolled your eyes but smiled fondly at your best friend. “Is there a reason you’re calling me before ten? I’m surprised you’re even awake right now.”

“Just wanted to check in,” Luke said, his eyes narrowed like he was analysing something. “Hm. You look quite calm there, Quinn.”

Quinn startled a little, lifting his head. “Did you expect me not to be calm when you called?” 

“I was hoping you’d be in some caveman-ish jealous fit of rage. I had the boys on standby to make sure you didn’t tear the college down.” 

You blinked in confusion. 

“Are you George?” Quinn asked, frowning at his youngest brother’s grinning face.

“No, Quinn, my name is Luke.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re a little shit.” 

“What the hell, Luke?” You asked, sighing deeply at whatever your best friend was about to say. You already knew whatever the reason was—most likely encouraged by Jack, again—was going to be too much for your brain to handle this early in the morning. 

“What? I told you I was testing him!” Luke said, like it was the only defence he needed. “The note was hidden in the flowers to make sure he would go looking for it! I wanted to make sure he was putting in the effort with you, if he actually cared about the weird flower thing or if he would just pretend like it was fine.” 

You blinked. “You’re insane,” you said eventually, pausing for a short moment before you continued. “And it’s not a weird flower thing.” 

“I’m going to kill you when I next see you,” Quinn said, glaring at his little brother who looked far too smug for his own good. “And I’m going to shove these roses so far—”

“Talk to you later, bye!” 

You sighed, shaking your head as you let out a breathless laugh. You turned your head, finding Quinn still frowning and glowering, and gently turned his face so you could kiss him. “He’ll get tired of these tests eventually.” 

“Will he though?” Quinn muttered against your lips, his nose brushing against yours. “I swear his next test will be to tattoo your name across my forehead.”

You snorted. “If you do that, I’m breaking up with you.”

“That’s rude,” he mused and, for the first time since he woke up, a hint of a smile was tugging on his lips. “What if I do it on my own accord? Maybe I just want to prove my love for you, baby.”

“I like your pretty face. I’d rather not be staring at my own name whenever I look at it,” you retorted, watching as a full smile spread across his face as he leaned down to kiss you again. 

“Cute,” he murmured before he pulled back completely, a determined glint in his eyes that you knew well. “C’mon, get ready.” 

Your brows furrowed. “What? Where are we going?”

“To burn those flowers and then grab breakfast,” he answered simply.

“Quinn—”

“I refuse to look at them any longer, babe, they are atrocious.”

“You’re so dramatic.” 

“It’s a Hughes thing.”

.

#quinn hughes #nhl #vancouver canucks #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes x you #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes one shot #nhl x reader #nhl x you #nhl x y/n #nhl fic #nhl one shot

[starkeyisthelastname]

Rafe as your toxic ex and you were in a secret relationship and now he’s your stepbrother🫣

“Welcome to the family, sis.” Rafe’s voice low as he leaned down to your ear as he took your arm in his. You felt the shiver run down your spine, swallowing hard as the two of you began to walk down the aisle behind your now newly married parents.

You tried your best to stay away from him that night during the busy reception. You actually had been trying to avoid him the entire length of your mother and Ward’s relationship. You couldn’t bring yourself to think about the relationship you both once had. Not as step-siblings but as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was toxic to say the least. Screaming matches, Rafe being too controlling and you not willing to bow down, along with drugs, alcohol and violence.

You couldn’t help but glance at him as he stood at the bar. He looked good. Really fucking good. He looked like a man. His hair was buzzed, which surprisingly fit him in a delicious way. He had filled out in his arms and back as he unknowingly flexed in the navy suit he wore. Your eyes scanned down to his crotch, cunt fluttering around nothing as you remembered the hot and nasty sex you both had. You cursed at yourself for even thinking about him like that again. He wasn’t good for you. He was now your step-brother that you were going to be living with.

You brought your eyes back up, letting out a small gasp when you saw him staring at you. The smirk on his face said it all, as his blue eyes focused on you now with your cheeks turning pink in embarrassment. You quickly down the Cristal champagne in the gold flute, before excusing yourself away back to Tannyhill.

White fluffy towel wrapped around your body and hair still dripping down your back, you walked to your dresser where you grabbed the vanilla scented lotion. You let the towel fall, bending over the fluffy chair of your vanity to rub it into your smooth legs.

“Still got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.” The voice of your ex said from behind you. You felt your stomach drop, immediately picking the towel back up to cover yourself.

“Rafe! What are you doing in here?” You shrieked. How long had he been standing there?

Rafe walked closer to you, eyes boring into yours as he watched you breathe heavily. “It’s my house and I’ll be in any room I want.” He said, jaw ticking as he leaned down towards your neck. “Why you hiding from me, huh? Acting like I make you nervous.” His voice against your neck.

You couldn’t help but lean into him, letting out a small sigh as he sucked on your neck. “We gonna act like you weren’t staring at my dick at our parents wedding.” He said, traveling his mouth up towards your ear. “Drop the fucking towel.” He spat in a low voice. You froze, only to feel your oxygen being cut off. “Gonna play stupid tonight.. I see.” His hand squeezing your windpipe. His other yanked the towel off, leaving you naked.

His fingers found your cunt, intruding two fingers in your slick hole as you let out a gasp. He knew exactly where to hit your spot in one go, your pussy squelching as he plunged them in and out.

“Ra-Rafe.. we can’t. You’re m-my step-brother.” You stuttered out.

Rafe laughed as if you said the funniest joke. “I know. That’s what makes it all the more fucked up. You think they know I was in your cunt before they ever met?”

You whimpered at his dirty words, the pressure in your stomach growing as you knew you were about to cum. Your eyes squeezed shut, moans leaving your mouth as you started to clench down onto his fingers. That was when you felt him abruptly pull them out, leaving you empty, pissed off and confused.

“You thought you were gonna cum? Nah, you gotta earn my dick back. You ended things with me. Remember sis?” He asked, tapping your forehead with the same two fingers that were inside of you.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x reader #stepcest cw #stepbro!rafe #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron prompt #rafe concepts #dark rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe smut #rafe coded #rafe core #drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey smut #obx smut #obx

[alhaithamsproperty]

you’re the best i ever had, you’re the worst i ever had

Theo Nott x Reader

plot: you and theo used to be close, until one day you weren’t, and he can’t get your attention in any other way than being mean to you | angst, angst, angst

I’m so fucking sorry, I’m so fucking sorry

I’ve been playing somebody and it’s helping nobody

And now I’m sick, throwing fists

And I have seen you in my head every fucking day since I left

— 11 minutes, yungblud

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

“Hey,” you mumbled to him, getting no answer, as per usual, and as always, he wondered if you’d ever stop saying hi to him on a Thursday morning before Potions.

Apparently not.

Draco sat infront of you, and mumbled a “shit!” before turning to you, “Y/N did you finish the assignment?”

“Oh… um, no,” you forgot about all your assignments lately. Theo occupied your mind way too much.

“What did you expect, that her dumb ass did it?” Theo mumbled and shoved his own finished paper at Malfoy. Your heart dropped and even Draco gave him a puzzled look. The friend group knew you and Theo stopped talking, they didn’t know most of the things he said to you tho.

But he shrugged it off, not caring much, and turned around to quickly copy the homework.

You stay quiet, practically not moving an inch, lost in your own head. You hear Theo smirk next to you. “Don’t act so surprised, it’s true,” he whispered.

You ignore him, knowing any word coming out of your mouth would be a stutter. You looked down on your own paper, deciding to at least try finish some of it before the class starts.

You read the first question and don’t even finish reading it, your eyes instead glued on your shaky hand. Theo notices too. “Aww,” he pouts, “don’t tell me you are upset now.”

“Fuck off Theo,” you finally say back, your voice breaking before saying his name. You never thought you’d be saying his name like this. With so much sorrow.

He lets out a silent laugh, “Do you wanna know what the funniest thing is?”

“No.”

“You can’t help but say hi to me every time. You hate me yet you seek me out every chance you get, hoping I’ll talk to you. It’s honestly amusing.” His voice was sharp.

You stay silent for a moment, gathering yourself up, hoping you won’t break. “Maybe I should stop.” You finally say. Not even denying anything he just said. It was the truth. You both knew it was. It just hurt as hell.

He laughs. “Now why would you do that? You would be so lonely without the only human interaction you keep so desperately hoping for. Plus you’d have no one to annoy.”

You don’t answer him. There are thoughts racing through your mind, you want to tell him so badly to go to hell, but you just don’t manage to say anything.

He leans closer to you, and whispers, just a little lower than his previous words, “You sure you don’t wanna tell me what’s on your mind?”

“You know,” you say, but don’t look at him, feeling anger gather in you as well, “you talk way too fucking much for someone who’s annoyed by me and wants me out of their life.” This time you do. You glare at him.

He looks you in the eye for a moment, and then smirks. “But I like to annoy you. You’re just too easy to rile up. It’s pathetic.”

You break eye contact with him again. It was the first time in a long time you even looked him in the eye, and you managed to feel tears staining your cheeks. You didn’t want him to see it. And in that very moment, you felt your heart truly break. Your teacher appeared in the door the very second you grabbed your bag and got up.

“Ah, miss Y/N—“

“Sorry,” your voice broke as you walked past the teacher.

“That’s a shame, she didn’t finish the paper,” the teacher mumbled as he was taking all the papers from his students.

“She left it here,” Theo said and gave him the paper Draco managed to sneak back to him a second ago.

“Hm. And your paper, Mr. Nott?”

“I forgot about it… sorry.”

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Something Theo told you this morning broke you. You’ve slowly been breaking for the last few months, whenever he’d ignore you, look away from you, not answer you or use cruel words, a little bit of you died. And there was nothing left after today.

You cried in your room for hours, thinking about when it all got so fucked up. You used to be close friends, taking classes together, going to the Forbidden forest together, he liked you enough to introduce you to his friends, even. One time he even got in a fight for you when some ass from Gryffindor tried to touch you.

Eventually you ended up kissing a few times, and stealing touches, and before you knew it he spent a few nights in your room, keeping you warm and whispering sweet promises that meant absolutely nothing now.

And then it stopped. Just like that. At first he ignored you, and then the cruel words came in, and it kept getting worse, all up until today.

Who knows how you even ended up here, in the middle of a Slytherin party, drowning in yet another drink.

“Hey, don’t you wanna calm down with that?” Draco laughed next to you and grabbed the cup from your hands. You gave him a quick look and reached for a new cup, and almost drank the whole thing again. “Nope.”

“Right. My guess is it’s to do with Nott?”

“Who?”

“Very funny,” he rolled his eyes and grabbed your back to stop you from falling. “Well, if you are over him, Cormac has been asking about you.” Theo almost broke his nose when he asked him, but Draco didn’t tell you that. It would be to no good.

“I can put a word in for myself, thank you,” Cormac suddenly appeared by your side and snuck his arm around your waist. Draco rolled his eyes and disappeared.

“What the fuck was that?!” Theo jumped in front of him and shoved him without thinking.

“Calm down,” Draco shrugged him off and took another sip from the cup he confiscated earlier. “It’s at least gonna be funny,” he nodded to Cormac leaning over your body and mumbling something to you.

“No the fuck it won’t,” Theo growled at him. He looked at you again, and the way Cormac was practically all over you… didn’t you mind?

Gosh, you were so infuriating, did you know that?

He noticed the way your hand brushed over Cormacs, and suddenly he felt sick to his stomach as well.

He noticed the way he kept telling you some bullshit and the way you giggled. And he thought to himself don’t you dare kiss him.

He swore he saw you look at him for just a second, like your eyes searched for him in the crowd, but before he could even process that, you were the one pulling Cormac in for a kiss.

You kissed Cormac. And it felt… wrong. Every single second of that kiss you were just thinking that he’s not Theo. How kissing Theo felt right, and how wrong this feels. You felt his hands on your hips and you felt like crying and breaking down again at the thought of Theo. Why couldn’t it be him?

You felt your eyes water again, but before you could pull back, someone pulled Cormac back so roughly he turned around immediately, and you just saw Theo slam his arm down on Cormacs face. And keep beating and kicking him until his friends dragged him away.

You felt furious. You grabbed his shoulder and turned him to you. “What the fuck Theo?!”

“You kissed him! I fucking—“

“And why the FUCK DO YOU CARE?!” You yelled at him, screaming in frustration. You saw him freeze in his spot for a moment.

He gathered his breath. “Because… you’re mine.”

This time you were the one to laugh at him. For the first time in months he heard your laugh and it didn’t sound as pretty as it used to. At all. “No, I’m fucking not. You keep hurting me, the only thing you do is hurt me and laugh at me, I don’t want to be yours. I wanted to, I really did…” you looked him in the eye, and found your voice breaking again, “but you pushed me away.”

He grabbed your arm, squeezing it in desperation, “You wouldn’t have kissed Cormac, would you? Tell me, why did you kiss him?”

“I don’t know…”

He raised his voice at you. “Don’t lie to me!”

You felt your eyes tearing up again. You tried to get away from his grip, all you wanted to do right now was to get away from him. You never wanted to feel this way. “Leave me alone.”

His grip only tightened as his voice got louder. “The truth, Y/N. Did you kiss him to make me mad?”

You looked at him in disbelief. “And why would me kissing someone even fucking matter?! You hate me, remember?”

He grew angry, he stepped closer to you, staring into your eyes. “Answer me. Did you do it to spite me or did you do it because you are attracted to him?”

“I did it to forget about you Theo.” You say, and his grip on you becomes loose, for the first time in so long you see an expression on his face. “Because you are in my head every fucking day since you left. And it hurts so much. You hurt me so much.”

He wanted to get closer to you, to say something, but you shook your head. “It’s your turn to answer the question. Why would you care if I kiss some random guy?”

“I don’t want some asshole hanging over you. I want you to myself…” he whispered.

“Then why do you treat me the way you do?”

He avoided eye contact with you, his body was shaking, he was fucked up, and it was the first time you saw him like this. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how else to keep your attention, how to tell you how I feel. Do you understand?”

You were staring at him. Did he realise how ridiculous he sounded? “No, I don’t understand Theo. Just leave me alone.” You pulled away from his grip and turned around to walk away.

“Wait,” he chased after you and turned you around to him. “You still care about me?”

You looked down. Breaking at how pathetic you’re gonna sound now. “I will always care about you Theo… even if you don’t.”

He bites down on his lip in frustration, “Listen to me, I do care, okay? I do care, and I’m sorry,” he picked your chin up and looked you in the eye. And you saw in his eyes that this was still your Theo.

“Please understand. I don’t know how to show how I feel. How can you even stand me after the way I acted?”

You watch him and feel a tear, you quickly wipe it, afraid you’re gonna look dumb, ridiculous, pathetic, and all those other stuff he called you. “I don’t know.”

He gently wiped your cheek with his thumb and pressed a kiss on the spot. “I’ll get better, I promise. Just… give me another chance. Please.”

You go quiet for a moment. “Okay…” you give him a small nod. His eyes lit up, but before he can say anything, you continue, “one chance Theo. One. If you mess it up I’m gone forever.”

He gives you a small sad smile. “I’ll be good. I promise, just don’t leave me. I don’t know what I would do if you were gone. You don’t wanna know what I would do if you were gone.”

“Okay…” you mumble and give him a quick kiss, then pull him in for a hug. Theo wraps his arms around your waist and holds you close to him, letting out a deep breath.

He kissed the top of your head first, and then grabbed your chin again to force you to look at him. “Can I?” He leaned closer.

You gave him a quick nod. “Please…”

And he kissed you. Properly. Deeply. Hoping you’ll know how he feels if his words can’t tell you. You kiss him back, and it feels okay.

“Let’s get out of here…”

#theodore nott x you #theodore nott #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott imagines #theodore nott x reader #theo nott #theo nott imagine #theo nott imagines #theo nott x reader #lorenzo zurzolo #slytherin

[gffa]

Oh my godddddd I’m in real tears right now because, Bruce goes off on some batshit mission, and Jason’s immediately like WHY IS ROBIN NOT STOPPING HIM BY BEING THE LIGHT TO HIS DARK!? DUKE, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! and Duke has to point out, are you FUCKING kidding me, JASON “I DIED AS ROBIN AND CAME BACK AS A VILLAIN JUST TO TRY TO MAKE BATMAN KILL THE JOKER” TODD? I feel like this is both the funniest thing I’ve ever seen and a deep look into Jason’s unshakable belief in the idea of Robin’s role as the one that keeps Batman from walking too far into the dark, that it may not be Jason’s role anymore, but he still believes that it’s a needed role.

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #jason todd #duke thomas #batman: the rules of engagement

[loviingpedri]

they caught us - p. gavi

prompt: gavi x gamer!fem!reader. hard launching your relationship on stream

warnings: cursing, grammar issues

credits to owners for all images.

inspo for this story ^^

-

you were a growing streamer. big in the minecraft and riot games community. you appreciated your fans from the unconditional support. ever since being an exposed barca fan, your platform definitely grew. content was trending to the point where you met the one and only, pablo gavi. his simple message of complimenting you building camp nou in minecraft ended in a few date nights, a lot of kissing, and some risky nights. your fans wanted some player in barca to notice you, but little did you know that you spent your nights with your dream barca player everyday.

exposing your relationship was not in your agenda any time soon. it was the peak of your gaming career and gavi had big plans for the national team. the internet would practically blow up from the news. both of you were not ready for that amount of personal space to be invaded.

it was that time of the day to start your daily stream. it was a good balance of work and relationship. start your stream when gavi is at practice, and end it when he’s at home to solely focus on him.

“hello, hello everyone! welcome to today's stream." waiting a few seconds as more people started joining. “today will be a minecraft stream. i’m thinking of making the barca logo.”

reading the comments blow up by the mention of the club is probably the funniest thing you’ve seen.

“change your shirt on the minecraft skin the jersey of your favorite player. i love that idea, but i don’t really have a favorite player. maybe i’ll do xavi or something.” lying isn’t the best thing to do to your supporters, but personal business is personal business.

after playing for hours and halfway done with the logo, you hear the door opening. “one second guys, i think my roommate is home.” roommate meaning your boyfriend. the plan is really thought out. your best friend occasionally popped into the streams, pretending to be your roommate, and it works. thinking you muted and turned off your camera (which happens often), gavi walks into your gaming room.

“hi gorgeous,” walking in and instantly kissing you made both of you smile. “are you streaming?”

“yeah, i am. i was building the logo. i can show you later when i’m ‘done greeting my roommate’.” making quotation marks with your fingers.

“yeah i’ll sit over here. i’ll just look while you continue playing.” you blew a kiss at him as you put your headset back on.

“alright guys, i’m back. did i miss anything?” your eyes tried to keep up with the chat. it was going faster than usual. you thought it was a raid, but nothing was happening. everyone was going crazy. finally, a donation came through with a message.

read aloud from the automated voice, “viscabarcaaa_11 donated $10 with a message. 'was that gavi you just kissed?’” fuck. gavi quickly sat up from the seat. you realized your camera and microphone was never off. your eyes panning from screen to screen in panic. speechless, you turned red instantly.

you were kissin’ and they caught you whether you like it or not.

you cleared your throat, still don’t know what to say. gavi unplugged your headphones from your pc tower to be able to hear what was going on. he urged you to get up. you had no idea what he was doing, but you just listened.

sitting down, he spoke slow and steady. “hello everyone. this was a very unexpected thing for you. not to mention, an unexpected plan from us. y/n and i have been seeing each other for a few months now. it wasn’t really planned for us to be revealed this early, but thank you for supporting my girlfriend. i am glad to get this off of our chest, because i’ve been wanting to show her off.”

playfully pushing him to the side, “okay thank you for attending this stream, see you tomorrow. love you guys.” making sure you ended the stream fully before giving off a sigh.

“looks like i can show you off now.”

“okay, that’s enough fame for you.”

————————————————————

author’s note: this story has been sitting in my drafts for months and i’m deciding to complete it on a random weekday.

#football x reader #football fanfic #football imagine #spotify #pablo gavi #gavi #gavi x reader #gavi x you #gavi x yn #gavi imagine #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi x y/n #pablo gavi x you #fc barcelona #fc barca

[aristrocrat]

Upside Down Feelings

Chapter One: The Vanishing of Will Byres

an episode-by-episode stranger things fic that incorporates the reader into the series

summary: Y/N Henderson is your typical high school girl with typical problems; falling out with her best friend, an annoying little brother, and a chronically unpopular standing in school. Little did she know that after the disappearance of Will Byres, her world would be flipped upside down

pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader (slow burn)

word count: 3400

tw: none besides the fact that this is unedited :)

“You’re such an asshole!” Dustin shouted as you laughed.

“Dusty! Language!” Your mother gasped, peaking . “Y/N, doing whatever you’re doing stop!”

“You heard her! Stop,” Dustin smirked.

“I’m not doing anything-“

“Give it back!” His smile dropped into a scowl, jumping up to try to reach your raised arm. “I’m late for the D&D campaign.”

“Just reach up and grab it,” You raised a brow. You loved annoying your little brother. Partially because he was just an adorable little kid but mostly because he loved to annoy you just as much. But you both knew if anyone were to so much as look at him the wrong way in front of you, you wouldn’t hesitate to break their nose.

His eyes quickly darted behind you, making you turn around to see absolutely nothing out of the ordinary behind you.

“Y/N, don’t make me use the power of the D&D league against you,” He warned. “We might be small but we’re mighty.”

“First of all, wow. I’m so scared of a bunch of 9 year olds-“

“We’re 12.”

“Whatever. And what’s the big deal anyway? It’s just a damn doll,” You smirked, making him gasp dramatically as he placed a hand on his hip.

“That is not a doll,” He spoke with offense, using his free hand to point at you as continued. “That is a limited edition action figure that can’t be touched because your nasty human hand oils will ruin the paint- You know what? Whatever. I tried to warn you. GET HER!”

“I- What? Who are you talking to- OW! FUCK!” You heard his group of friends scream before they all attacked, two knocking you on the couch as another one grabbed the doll.

“Y/F/N! Language!” Your mother called.

The boys cheered before all running off into the front yard. You looked through the window and smiled at their cheers as your brother held up the action figure victoriously. “Why do you give him such a hard time?”

“Because I’m his big sister. It’s part of the job description,” You shrugged, walking into the kitchen and placing a quick kiss on the top of her head as you made a bee line towards the fridge. “Can I go out tonight?”

“Where to?” She asked, looking over to see you chuckling. “Why do I even bother asking at this point? Yes, you can go out with Robin. What ever happened to Nancy? I thought she was your best friend.”

“Key word: was,” You sighed, hopping on the counter and watching your mom cook. You opened the bottle of soda and took a long swig before you continued. “Ever since she got with The Hair, she hasn’t really talked to me as much. I guess she’s just too cool for me now..”

“Well, if it helps any, you’re the coolest girl in my book,” She smiled over at you, placing a maternal hand on your cheek as she watched you smile. “And the prettiest! And the funniest! And, most importantly, you have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. If Nancy can’t see that, then I don’t think that makes her very cool. I like Robin way more than I ever liked her.”

“Aw, shucks!” Robin chimed in. You’d given her a key about a month ago and she used it generously. “You’re making me blush, Mrs. Henderson! Ooh, it smells good in here. Whatcha makin’?

Robin smiled as she hopped onto the counter beside you and laid her head on your shoulder.

“Chicken Parm,” Your mom grinned. “Wanna stay for dinner?”

“We’d love to, Mom but-“

“No buts! The movie can wait. Let’s eat!” Robin interrupted.

———

“Could you ride your bike out to the Wheeler’s and tell your brother it’s time to come home? It’s getting late for a school night,” Your mom asked. “I called and Mrs. Wheeler says that they refuse to wrap up their game.”

You groaned and pouted.

“But Nancy-“

“You aren’t there for Nancy. You’re there for Dusty. Now go,” She ordered in a firm tone.

You huffed and did as told. You wished Robin hadn’t left about an hour ago so she could make this trip a little more bearable. Seeing Nancy wasn’t exactly at the top of the list of things you wanted to do tonight. Or ever, for that matter.

The truth was that the two of you had a falling out. It wasn’t rare for the two of you to argue, considering you’ve known one another since you were children. But this argument held a lot more weight to it than your previous disputes. The type of weight that settled into your mind as you fell asleep and made you drag your feet to school, knowing she would be there. She tried to apologize twice for her words but she knew how deep they’d cut you. She knew that even you had your limits and she was way out of line. Now when you passed each other in the hallways, you’d both blush, shoot a feigned smile and walk a little quicker to avoid any type of conversation.

God, if you’re real, You thought before you rang the doorbell, holding your breath to see who would answer. Nancy won’t be the one to-

“Y/N?” Nancy furrowed her brows as she opened the front door of her house.

Okay, God. You’re either not real or a dick. Noted.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. The small glimmer of hope in her eyes crushed you. All you wanted to do was hug her and tell her that you missed your late night giggle fits and little study dates. But the weight of the argument prevented you from doing so.

“I, uh.. My mom sent me to come get Dustin,” You didn’t even recognize your own voice; weak and apathetic. “She said your mom has been trying to clear them out of the basement and they won’t leave so I’m here to-“

“Y/N! Sweetheart!” Mrs. Wheeler called from behind her daughter. Nancy’s eyes quickly shot to her feet. “I haven’t seen you around in a while! How’ve you been? How’s your mom?”

“Good and good,” You smiled, hoping the tension wouldn’t be too evident. You let out a small breath of relief when the woman giggled.

“Thank the Lord that you’re here! They won’t listen to me. I know they’ll listen to you!”

An awkward silence fell upon the three of you. You nodded and shot her another tight lipped smile.

Oh, now it was evident.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help but feel that I just interrupted something?” She asked.

“Nope!”

“No!”

“Uh-huh..” The woman said slowly, looking at the two pathetic girls who looked down at their feet. “They’re in the basement.”

You nodded and made a quick bee line to the basement door. You didn’t even bother knocking- no time, you simply ran downstairs and watched them gasp. You couldn’t get out of this house fast enough. Every single inch of this house held the memories of you and your best friend.

You clenched your eyes at the force of habit. Ex best friend.

“Y/N? What are you-“ Your brother began, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“When someone asks you to go home, Dustin, you go home,” You said sternly. “It’s late. And Mrs. Wheeler has been kind enough to let you stay here and play this game all day. The least you could do is show some respect and leave at a reasonable hour. Especially on a school night, dipshit. Come on. We’re leaving.”

“But we’re in the middle of a game!” Mike whined.

“You heard her,” Nancy spoke from behind you. “Clean up. It’s time for your friends to go home.”

The boys all simply looked at the two of you with wide eyes.

“Now!” You both shouted, causing them to chaotically clean up and do as told. You grabbed Dustin by the shoulder, taking him upstairs to apologize to the Wheelers before you met the other kids outside.

“You and Nancy used to be cool!” Dustin huffed. “What happened to you guys?”

“We grew up,” You said simply, not revealing the fact that you wondered the same thing every night. “Let’s go.”

“Y/N!” Nancy called as she ran out to catch you before you got on your bike. The boys already began cycling home, leaving the two of you alone. “Hey, I know things are.. The way they are between us. And I’m sorry about that. But there’s a party on Tuesday night at Steve’s and I was wondering if… maybe you wanted to come?”

“Uh,” You smiled. “On a school night? I don’t know, Nance.”

“That was my first reaction too. Come on!” She giggled. “Barb said she’ll go if you do. And I think you might a lot of fun-“

“Ah,” Your smile faded. “You want me there so Barb will go.”

“No! No, I didn’t mean it like that at all. I want you there for me not because I want Barb to-“

“Nancy,” You interrupted softly. “I appreciate the invite. I do. Thank you. I just..”

“Yeah,” She nodded, looking away to hide the tears in her eyes. “No, yeah. I get it. It’s okay. It’s a school night anyways so..”

“Right,” You nodded. “I hope you have fun though.”

You slung your leg over your bike and began to walk it towards the street before something stopped you. Maybe it was the familiar house with the familiar girl who stood with the familiar sad face that you always seemed to cause as of recently. Maybe it was the fact that you just missed your best friend, regardless of how damn mean she could be at times.

“Hey, Nancy?” You called.

“Yeah?” She looked up.

“I don’t know.. Maybe you could, like.. Call me if anything crazy happens at the party.”

“I can call you?” She asked a little too quickly with those wide eyes of hers, making you laugh. She smiled. “Sorry. I got excited.”

“I see that,” You teased. Oh, how she missed being teased by you. “I should get going. But, uh.. Feel free to call me afterwards, okay? I’ll be up late studying anyway so it really doesn’t matter what time you do.”

She nodded, trying to hide her grin. In her world, everything seemed to finally be falling into place now that you were speaking to her again. She missed telling you things about school and about the things she did with Steve. She missed your study dates because no one matched her intellectually the way you did. She missed your quick witted comments, and she missed the fact that you both cheered each other on in life. She missed you. All of you, even the bad parts that she couldn’t stand at times. Because at the end of the day, you were like a sister to her. And sister fight all the time, right?

“Dustin! Wait up!” You called, watching as he and Will took of racing towards your house. You laughed and accepted the challenge, peddling as fast as you could to catch up with them.

“I’ll take your X-Men 134!” Will called as he sped past your house. You hit the breaks and swerved your bike, avoiding Dustin who halted to a stop.

“Son of a bitch,” He muttered.

“Tell him I stole it and to pick another one,” You offered, slightly out of breath. “I know how much you like that one so put the blame on me.”

“You’re in a good mood,” Dustin chuckled. “Did your girlfriend finally talk to you?”

“Other way around, doofus,” You rolled your eyes, hopping off of your bike to walk it into the garage. “And she’s not my girlfriend.”

“What happened between you guys anyway?” He asked, doing the same.

He’d never look at her in the same way if he knew.

“A boy,” You lied. More like the bad of an influence he is and the fact that he is morphing her into someone she’s not. At least, that’s what led to the falling out.

“Ew, don’t tell me you have a thing for Steve too!” Dustin gagged, kicking the stand out on his bike and closing the garage. You followed him inside.

“Gross,” You scrunched your nose. “Mark my words, Dustin; I will never see that boy as anything more than what he is. Trash.”

“At least we’re on the same page about something tonight,” He nodded, walking to the kitchen. “What’d mom make?”

“Chicken Parm,” You responded, already grabbing some plates. As he opened the fridge, the lights flickered and he yelped. “Oooh, maybe it’s the monster from your game.”

“That’s not funny,” He snapped. “If that were true, we’re all dead.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” You smiled. “I’m sure there’s just a nearby storm. Totally not a monster. The lights would flicker again if it was a monster.”

The lights switched off for a moment and next thing you knew, you heard your brother scream and lunge into you. He wrapped his arms around you and held on tight. When the lights turned back on, you looked down to see him clenching his eyes shut as his legs shook.

Great, now he’s gonna ask to sleep in your room.

“Can I sleep in your-“

“Yes,” You groaned, peeling him off of you. “But you’re sleeping on the floor.”

“THE FLOOR?!” He yelped.

“Yes, the floor. You kick in your sleep,” You rolled your eyes. “And I have a quiz tomorrow.”

“But-“

“You need to stop playing that damn game, dude. You’re always like this when the lights flicker.”

“But the floor is worse than sleeping alone in my room and I-“

“No! You’re sleeping on the floor. Take it or leave it.”

“Please, I-“

“Dustin!” You shouted.

“Fine!” He shouted back, taking an angry bite out of his food. “Gross, I forgot to put it in the microwave.”

You both giggled before finishing up in the kitchen and getting dressed for bed. Halfway through the night, you felt him try to crawl into your full size bed.

“Dustin. Floor.”

“Fine..”

———

“Waffles!” Dustin grinned, all but running to the table. “Pass the syrup, please.”

You mindlessly did as told as you flipped through a guitar magazine. The phone rang and your mother answered, her voice dropped for a moment before she turned around to face you.

“Did you guys ride home with Will?” Your mother asked with the phone pressed to her ear. “Joyce said that Mrs. Wheeler told her that you all left together.”

“We raced to the house and then he went home, why?” Dustin asked. Your mother blinked before repeating what he said into the phone.

“It’s probably nothing,” Your mother smiled after she hung up the phone but you didn’t miss the way her hand trembled as she brought the cup of coffee to her lips.

———

“Nice shoes,” Carol snorted as she approached you. You didn’t need to look down to see that you’d chosen your old, ratted up converse.

“Nice face,” You rebutted without missing a beat as you bumped into her shoulder. “Your nose looks different this year. Did your daddy buy that for you too?”

“At least she has a dad,” Tommy smirked, making Carol throw her head back in laughter. Your lips parted, taken aback from the statement. “What’s the matter, Henderson? Cat got your tongue?”

You quickly composed yourself, readjusting your backpack and chuckling.

“I’d rather have a dead dad than a dead beat one,” You shrugged, turning on your heels.

“What did you just say to me? Hey! Don’t walk away from me when I talk to you,” Tommy asked, grabbing your shoulder. Hard. He pushed you into the lockers with the same force, causing your head hit a handle, making you wince and curse under your breath. “You wanna say that again, loser?”

“Hey, what the fuck, dude? She’s a girl!” Steve furrowed his brows and pushed Tommy off of you, but the boy kept his eyes on you. If looks could kill. Steve looked back at you with concern. “You alright?”

“Never better,” You groaned, bringing your hand up to your head and bringing it back down to see a bit of blood. Steve’s eyes widened as he looked back up at you. “Don’t worry, Harrington. I won’t tell Nancy.”

“What?” He blinked, searching your face for any sign of . “No. I-I didn’t.. I wasn’t trying to imply-“

“Excuse me,” You interrupted before walking away, quickly making a bee line to the bathroom to get some paper towels for your head. Luckily, it was a small cut. Though it wasn’t gushing or running, the blood still pooled at the wound. It’d only take a few minutes to stop. The throbbing of the forming bruise, however, was a different story. “Fucking assholes.”

“Who?” Robin asked as she walked in. “Woah! Dude, I don’t know if you know this but your head is bleeding!”

You chuckled dryly before grabbing the mess of paper towels and putting them in the trash. Her gaze never left your face as she leaned against the wall.

“Let me guess-“

“Don’t. I don’t wanna talk about it,” You shook your head, desperate for a subject change. “Did you hear about Will Byers?”

“Yeah,” She exhaled as she responded. “Poor Jonathan.”

“Yeah,” You nodded. You couldn’t even fathom the possibility that it could’ve just as easily been your brother. “Poor Jonathan indeed.”

“Here, you’re still bleeding a bit. I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but at the very least, let me hold some pressure on it,” Robin grabbed a handful of paper towels and made you lean against the sink. She stood by your side and gently but firmly pressed, watching as you sucked in a breath before easing into her touch. “You were saying? Something about Jonathan.”

“I don’t know how he’s keeping his cool. I’d be devastated if it was Dustin.. Shit, I’m a little devastated even with Will. I mean I watched that kid grow up… One time, he convinced me, Jonathan and Nancy to dress up for their stupid game and it’s still one of my favorite memories. We all ended up on the floor laughing and grabbing at our stomachs from the force.”

“Shit,” Robin raised her brows, handing you a hat from her bag. “He’s the quiet one, right?”

“He’s shy, not quiet,” The smile from your story lingered as you put it on. “He’s a good kid. I just wish there was-“

“Steve!” You both heard a voice giggle. It was followed by sloppy footsteps and kissing noises. Robin shot you a look of disgust as Steve and Nancy stumbled in, in one of those teenage hormone sparked make out sessions. Gross. “We could get in trouble! Someone might see us!”

“Consider yourselves seen,” Your friend smirked, making them jump. They looked over as she tossed the towel in the trash. There was barely enough blood to see but you could tell they’d noticed. Steve almost winced at the fact that he knew what the hat was for, covering the evidence. “We were just on the way out. As you were, sir.”

You both grabbed your bags before making your exit. Nancy blushed furiously as Steve looked back at her.

“You think they’re good at keeping secrets?” He asked.

“Trust me,” She smiled before pulling him in again. “They’re the best.”

———

“And then we told him about the road!” Dustin ranted about his interaction with Hopper. You and your mother listened intently as you finished the dinner Dustin has yet to touch. “So can I go tonight? Search for him?”

“No,” She responded. He looked at you for help. You pursed your lips and shrugged. As much as you wanted to take his side, you’d rather see him upset than missing. He huffed, pushing away his plate and marching to his room. Your mother sighed and sat back. “My poor, sweet boy..”

“I’ll talk to him,” You muttered. You got up and walked down the hallway, knocking lightly at his door.

“Go away.”

“Dusty,” You leaned your forehead on his door. “It’s me. Let me in.”

You heard him hesitate before his mattress creeped and footsteps approached. The door unlocked and opened to reveal your teary eyed little brother.

“I’m going. Lucas and Mike and I will stick together. I took your pepper spray for protection,” He admitted as he held up your keychain. You laughed. “If you love me, you’ll cover for me and say I went to sleep early.”

You sighed, looking at him with concern.

“What kind of big sister would I be if I let that happen?” You shook your head.

“The type that doesn’t want Mom knowing you lost your virginity already,” He threatened, making your face drop. You widened you eyes before pushing him into his room and closing his door. “I’ll tell her if you don’t let me go!”

“SHH! Keep your voice down, asshole! Where did you even hear about that?” You whisper yelled.

“I overheard you talking to Robin,” He whispered.

“So instead of asking nicely to go you fucking blackmail me?!” You scoffed. “I came in here to cheer you up and all of the sudden I’m under attack? And I find out that you know about.. Ew!”

“You’re the one who taught me how to blackmail in the first place!” He argued. His face has never seemed as punchable as it did in that very moment. He saw your glare, the daggers it sent his way, and took a step back physically but continued to threaten you. “I’m going whether you cooperate or not. So we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

“I fucking hate you, you know that?” You hissed, turning on your heels and going to your room. He stood in a silent guilt, hating that the person he looked up to the most just said that to him. Dustin drew in a shaky breath and sat on his bed for a moment before his door opened again. He looked up and saw you hand him a backpack. He furrowed his brows in confusion. “There are three pocket knives and three flashlights- one for each one of you. It’s going to rain so take your raincoat. If you don’t come back by midnight, I’ll tell mom about that gross comic book you have that is filled to the brim with cartoon tits. If you don’t come back ever, I’ll never recover. If you see or hear or feel something that’s not right, you turn around and come home. You got it?”

He grinned and nodded, running into your arms to hug you. You quickly pushed him off and lowered yourself to his eye level.

“I still hate you,” You clarified. He just laughed as you pulled him in for another hug. “Be careful. I’ll let her know you cried yourself to sleep.”

“I owe you!” He jumped out of your arms and opened his window. “Big time.”

“Oh, I know. And I intend to cash in on that. Big time.” You responded. His face scrunched in concern, almost as if he was reconsidering his whole plan, before he jumped out. You sighed, and walked back to the kitchen.

“How is he?” Your mom sat up as she saw you.

“He just needs some time to cool down. I’ll check on him in a few hours to make sure he’s still okay,” You smiled, knowing that answer perfectly satisfied your mother.

Was this your best moment; allowing your kid brother to go out alone with his kid friends in search of a missing boy? No. But you knew him. He needed this. Maybe this would be a funny story in a few years, but you spent the whole night studying in his room, waiting for him to come back. When the window finally creeped open to reveal his silhouette, you about passed out from relief.

Something told you that this boy was going to grow up to be nothing but trouble.

Chapter 2 ->

#joe keery #joe keery fanfic #joe keery fic #joe keery imagine #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things imagines #stranger things fic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #st4 #stranger things season one

[majosullivan]

Castle Swimmer Dashboard Simulator 2

🔄 gay-ass-seagrass reblogged sandyshells

🌳 everlastingwhiskers Follow

Threre are ha;ir thi eves haeving sex ;;; in my castsle’swalls sned help

🌳 everlastingwhiskers Follow

There are hair thieves having sex in our walls and now I’m getting fucking HECKLED

🪝 hookedline Follow

This has to be the funniest reason I seen for accusing a post for being fake cause like…it implies that they thought it is simply impossible for anyone here to be the same age or have similar usernames imao

🌳 everlastingwhiskers Follow

I can’t believe that out of all things, I’m being accused of lying about my castle having hair thieves infestation. I don’t think some of you guys understand just how much of a nightmare it is t;o ha e (32$$:?2 s)3$:!/@“/ svehiwsjlajwvdbk

🐚 sandyshells Follow

Op? Op are you good?

🌿 gay-ass-seagrass Follow

The hair thieves fucking got them

62,586 notes

🐬 divingdelphinus Follow

Head of the Guards: Oh hey, you guys are back early-

Guard: God Mouth’s haunted

Head of the Guards: What?

Guard: [grabbing a leister and heading back out the castle] God Mouth’s haunted

82,506 notes

♣️ saltysoul Follow

There are three evil witches from the dark sea traveling through the Purple Peaks? Damn, are they single?

496 notes

🔄 kitti-fishh reblogged

💟 kitti-fishh Follow

As a mer with any basic morals, what mini gods are capable of is terrifying. I have heard so many stories about poor castles being cursed because they defend themselves from an unprovoked attack from a minigod. No creature should have the ability to damn someone or a whole castle to a cruel fate because they defended themselves or an offence out of their control.

However, as a petty bitch-

🫧 bubbly-bubbles Follow

💟 kitti-fishh Follow

You. You Get It

#LISTEN #I’m not SAYING that if I had mini god destructive powers I would use them constantly for petty shit #I am simply putting it out there that the temptation would possibly pass my mind

5,891 notes

🔄 lesbiankelp reblogged

🦪 clamingdown Follow

What if we k-kissed at the bottom of the god mouth 🥺👉👈 and we were both girls 😳

629 notes

🔄 needling-on reblogged

💰 needling-on Follow

A list of things that I have learnt about/was told by the thirteen year old boy that has recently been staying at our castle with his mother (with every single thing being confirmed as being true):

-His mother threatened the leaders from their original castle that she would cut off their HEADS if they ever came near her son again cause they were treat him like shit. It should be mentioned that she said this TO THEIR FACES in front of THE ENTIRE CASTLE

-His first sword fighting pupil is a cursed prince (from what I’ve heard from his mother, his pupil is basically a big brother to him now)

-Also, his first pupil happens to be the beacon’s BOYFRIEND???

-AND HIS PUPIL IS FRIENDS WITH TWO OF OUR RULERS HERE, ONE OF WHICH IS MY OWN QUEEN???

-He could probably beat every guard at my castle in a fight

-He has broken a grown man’s arm so badly it popped in the other direction because he made fun of him and his pupil

-His mother was almost kidnapped by a giant trench monster in the God Mouth

-He stabbed said trench monster in the eye to save his mother

-He has recently fought an evil witch

-Him and his mother have also recently met the beacon

💰 needling-on Follow

Love seeing everyone’s priorities

239,063 notes

🔄 seadaisies reblogged

🌼 seadaisies Follow

okay but can someone tell me what is up with petrified pufferfishes? i swear, every time I plan for a trip, without fail, someone wanting to help me with supplies will give me one of these stupid little guys and just. Refuse to elaborate further

🐡 petrified-pufferfish Follow

You fool. You halfwit. A senseless sentiment from a simple-minded stooge. Your denial of me will bring forth your downfall. Your ignorance will wrap you in the garments of your rising. What will you have when you’re buried in the sand, choking on your own blood and no merciful god to hear your pleads?

🌼 seadaisies Follow

feel like my skeleton is about to jump out of my god damn skin, what the actual FUCK does this mean???

8,475 notes

🔄 give-that-axolotl-a-knife reblogged

🌿 gay-ass-seagrass Follow

The Surface God released me into the wild and now they’re hunting me for sport

24,074 notes

🔄 nauticalnymph reblogged

💠 nauticalnymph Follow

Of course you have an unending sense of dread as you desperately cling to a prophecy that could never be fulfilled. and pronouns

💠 nauticalnymph Follow

Easy site

58,944 notes

🥒 cutecumbers Follow

Oh the things I would give up to live the rest of my life as a little sponge. Bouncing around all day. Not a single thought ever going on behind those eyes. The ideal existence

2,857 notes

🖼️ ocean-landscapes Follow

The Purple Peaks

749 notes

🪨 mossy-rocks Follow

rip to everyone who died while trying to swim to the surface but I’m different

🪨 mossy-rocks Follow

if I wanted to reach the surface, I would simply just swim straight up until I got there

🔘 mossy-rocks-deactivated

you know what i’m gonna start swimming up there right now

84,689 notes

🔄 moonjelly reblogged honeydew-gourami

🎗️honeydew-gourami Follow

Do we still talk about that giant mini god crab that was destroying the Purple Peaks and making it basically impossible for castles to live peacefully there? Like whatever happened with that?

🌀 moonjelly Follow

The beacon completed the crab’s prophecy and turned him back to normal so things are chill now

🎗️ honeydew-gourami Follow

🌀 moonjelly Follow

What’s not clicking?

#you know who does click though? #the crabs #bunch of funky little guys

47,524 notes

#castle swimmer #webtoon #dashboard simulator #fake tumblr dash #fake tumblr post #castle swimmer kappa #kappa #castle swimmer siren #siren

[crystcllise]

cursed child london year 7 cast

the other week i got to see the year 7 london cast of cursed child and i am AMAZED!!! such a strong cast of wonderful performers across the board and i was absolutely blown away with their performances! you can tell they really understand their characters and have really worked on the dynamics and relationships with each other to create a realistic interpretation of these beloved characters!!

as always, i’m always watching the scorbus duos to see the little things they do with each other and i just want to say that ellis and harry’s scorbus is such a delight!!! they’re definitely my fav pair now hands down! such a sweet youthful portrayal of albus and scorpius and their dynamic on stage is so so pure i adored them sooo much!!

i got to meet ellis and harry after the show and ellis knew who i was and hugged me im fine

like broadway, i took some very unhinged notes so behold, read below all my unedited notes on (mainly scorbus) but the year 7 cast of cursed child!

ELLIS ALBUS IS SO SKRUNKLY AND SMALL AND CUTE HELP ME

james sings the end of his lines and it’s SO FUNNY

it genuinely looked like scorpius was leaning in to kiss albus after he tells him to come to the funeral

harry putting his legs up on the desk and trying to touch his toes while hermione is scolding him in his office and she just 😐

BREAD BREAD WHATS WRONG WITH BREAD??? scorpius was very excited about the bread

scorpius’ hand on albus’ chest when the train started

scorpius protectively putting his entire arm over albus’ chest in st oswald’s when amos pulled his wand out

scorpius as harry was the FUNNIEST SHIT EVER THE VOICE CRACKS AND THE LITTLE JUMPS david absolutely nailed the harry!scorpius mannerisms

“WIZZO!” (jump and finger guns) i love one skrunkly boy

scorpius looking so shocked and terrified when delphi grabbed albus’ hand and kissed his cheek

once delphi kissed albus’ cheek, she turned around to face scorpius and both of them look SO REPULSED like absolutely not get away from me

edge of the forest !!! scorpius looked so happy to call albus his best friend and albus was so shocked and so in awe (people in the crowd literally awwwed at it)

albus looking at scorpius so admirably at the triwizard tournament while he was geeking out

i’ve never seen such longing stares in the staircase ballet what the fuck

delphi’s ‘you two you belong together’ was just sooo knowing like jess!delphi is a scorbus advocate

ellis’ hair 🥰🥰🥰🥰

the collective gasp from the audience when albus said he wasn’t a loser before he met scorpius in the library… OUCH

hermione crying after ron said ‘my hermione’ and trying to hide her tears when ron kept talking to her

SCORPIUS AND THE DEMENTORS !!!! harry!scorpius absolutely devoured idk

scorpius’ scream when albus came up in the water SENT ME he squealed to the rooftops

ITS HARRYYY (the highest pitched scream i’ve ever heard scorpius was VERY excited)

hermione in tears after mcgonagall’s office and rose just running into her arms when she sees her crying oh i love them

intense staring in slytherin dorms holy mother of god

the massive scream cry delphi did in the owlery HOLY SHIT it like mimicked the cry of an augurey bird it was SO GOOD i was genuinely scared for a hot second

delphi’s “looOooooooOove” when looking at scorpius and pointing out albus’ weakness oh jess vickers my queen devours every time + albus unable to look at scorpius and scorpius in utter shock

WAIST GRAB WAIST GRAB AND SCORPIUS’ HAND ON ALBUS’ IM COMING UP when albus and scorpius had to hide from lily with the blanket, albus literally just stood behind scorpius with his hand on his waist and scorpius had his hand on top of albus’ it was sooooo adorable

harry crying in his office after talking to the dumbledore portrait and draco walking in, giving a ‘i ain’t dealing with this’ face and turning to walk out LMFAO

“ugh, is that a farmers market?” steve!draco HATES FARMERS MARKETS HELP

scorpius jumping into draco’s arms when reunited :’)

albus and scorpius literally sitting on each other in st jerome’s, their legs against each other and albus leaning into scorpius’ shoulder they’re so :((

hermione and albus are definitely close and i live for it she was so warm and comforting to him in st jerome’s this is all i’ve dreamed of

“and now i think you’re finding wonderful clarity” and GINNY LOOKING OVER AT SCORPIUS GOD SHE KNOWSS

the staring in the final staircase scene and ROSE WATCHING WITH UTTER SATISFACTION

albus’ hand on scorpius’ chest after rose interrupts and brushing it off with a fake yawn HELP

“you good albus?” “mhm” ROSE GIGGLING AND SKIPPING OFF STAGE AND LOOKING AT ALBUS AND SCORPIUS SO KNOWINGLY MY BEST GIRL

the closeness after the hug when scorpius says ‘new version of us’

SCORPIUS DOING FINGER GUNS ON NEW VERSION OF US THEY BOTH DID FINGER GUNS AT EACH OTHER ALBUS DID THEM BACK THEY ARE SO SILLY

scorpius waving, albus waving, scorpius turning to leave, giggling and waving again I FEEL ILL

david!harry completely understands albus’ love for scorpius and you can really tell in the final scene when albus tells him scorpius is the most important person in his life. he catches on throughout the show and it’s really nice to see him fully accept his son’s bond with scorpius and be content with it!!

like mentioned before, such an incredible cast and i am so sad i won’t get to see them again!!! they are truly wonderful and i hope a lot of you get to see them bc they are fantastic <3

#scorbus #albus severus potter #scorpius malfoy #albus x scorpius #albus severus x scorpius #harry potter next gen #cursed child #hpcc #harry potter and the cursed child #ellis rae #harry acklowe

[ctitan98official]

Y/N and Karl want to hang out together at castle Dimitrescu

Y/N and Karl: *Walk into the foyer of the castle*

Y/N: *Sees Alcina sitting in an armchair and reading a book nearby* Hey, Alci! Is it cool if me and Karl go check out the armory with Cass?

Alcina: You know the rules, draga. No dogs in the castle. *Points at Karl*

Karl: *Rolls his eyes* That’s kind of funny considering you’re the biggest bitch I’ve ever seen!

Alcina: *Looking for a good reason to kick his ass, immediately takes off her earrings, stomps over to him* Hold me back, Y/N! Hold me back!

Y/N: *Confused, is a dumbass* Hold you back? Umm, okay… *Clears their throat* Alci, you’ve failed all of your classes and now you have to repeat a grade! Uhh… How was that, babe?

Karl and Alcina: *Both get distracted from their fight by Y/N’s idiocy*

Alcina: *Stops dead in her tracks, groans* Oh, draga…

Karl: *Looks at Alcina* Is it possible Y/N’s gotten even more stupid lately?

Alcina: *Sighs* I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Yesterday I caught them wearing one of my bras on their head and pretending to be Mickey Mouse.

Karl: *Cringes* What the fuck?!

Alcina: Yes, it was weird even for them… Have you seen them do anything particularly idiotic recently?

Karl: Well, a few days ago I found them playing chicken with a few of my lycans. They literally almost got torn to shreds and thought it was the funniest thing that ever happened to them.

Alcina: *Smirks* That’s nothing. You’ll never believe what I saw them do last week!

Alcina and Karl: *Walk off and happily gossip about how stupid Y/N is*

Y/N: *Left all alone*

Y/N: …

Y/N: Did I miss something??

Note: Looks like Y/N’s stupidity is a great way to foster sibling bonding. At least they’re good at something, I guess…

Masterlist

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #re8 #re8 village #re8 lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitriscu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #y/n is stupid #re8 shitpost #re8 incorrect quotes #alcina dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x y/n #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #karl heisenberg

[cyberphuck]

Assassin’s Apprentice Abridged: Part One

EDIT: Tumblr randomly swallowed like 500 words in the middle of this, so I've added that back in.

I am finally embarking on my long-threatened project to summarize all of the Farseer Trilogy for my friend Razz so they can understand my shitposts about it but don’t actually have to read it. I started with this post about the cast of characters in the first book.

This is being broken up into sections because the trilogy and AA in particular (as well as Royal Assassin... whew, that one’s gonna be hard) is so insanely long and complex.

And now, Ladies and Gentlequeers, AA Abridged: Part One.

We open on the narrator musing both about writing a history of the Six Duchies (but being unable to because every time he tries it turns into a salty rant about everything bad that's ever happened to him) and also about how very old and decrepit he is. He is hunched over his writing desk, his fingers gnarled and knuckly, literally crumbling away like a Thanos-snapped MCU character as he sorrowfully attempts to make some record of the long and storied life he's lived before he lapses into the sweet void of death.

Fitz is 35.

"I bet you're wondering how I got here," Fitz writes. "It all began when I was born. Neither of my parents bothered to show up."

Actually, the curtain opens on Fitz as a six year old, being hauled up to the front doors of a fort by a cranky older man. "Surely you must have memories of your childhood before six," someone in the audience asks, but Fitz replies "No, I definitely don't, I never did and I'm tired of you asking me that." It never really becomes super important what he was doing before he was six, unless you count the time where he was traveling from the King-In-Waiting's ballsack to the sweet hot vagina of Some Lady He Never Spoke To Again.

Fitz is scooped up and brought inside the fort, and presented to Prince Verity. You'd think Verity would be at least a little upset that his older brother has muddied the line of succession with his long-ago nut, but Verity acts as if Fitz's existence is the funniest thing he's ever seen. "Yep, looks just like him," Verity confirms, then instructs a soldier to bring Fitz to Burrich.

That's right, the cranky old man hammers on the front door, waits for someone to open it, says "this is Prince Chivalry's kid and I'm tired of dealing with him," and then walks off. Despite this, Fitz never develops any abandonment issues and only has healthy and honest relationships with people for the rest of his life.

"Those are all the memories I have of that fort," Fitz writes, "except for that one night that Prince Verity, Burrich, and Prince Regal stood and looked in on me in the stall and Regal complained that I was muddying the line of succession."

Burrich does not think this situation is as funny as Verity did.

But he's honest and loyal, so he sighs and says "C'mon, Lil Accident, I'll find a place for you to sleep." That place is in a horse stall with Vixen, the hound dog, and Nosy, her pup. Burrich looks down at all of them, mutters "Patience is gonna have a fucking aneurysm" and then walks off.

After a couple of weeks, Burrich puts Lil Accident on a horse behind him and they ride away from Moonseye and towards Buckkeep. During this time, offstage, Fitz's father Chivalry gets word of his appearance and does the only sensible and logical thing, which is to ollie out the window while flipping everyone off and yelling "GOOD LUCK FIGURING THIS ONE OUT, LOSERS!" He abdicates and retires to a farm with his weirdo wife, which pisses off basically everyone.

Burrich and Fitz arrive at Buckkeep, the capital of the Six Duchies, a tall castle on a hill overlooking the ocean. Burrich is the stablemaster, in charge of all the critters large and small at the keep. He'd also been Chivalry's right hand man until he'd jumped in front of a boar to keep it from killing the Prince and fucked up his leg. Burrich comes home to Buckkeep with a bad leg and a six year old bastard to find that his bestie has just fucking peaced out without saying anything to him. He's kind of having a bad day. He hands Fitz off to stableboy Cobb, who leads him and pup Nosy to the kitchens to get something to eat.

Cobb sits FItz-and-Nosy just outside the kitchens and goes inside for delicious pie. A burly man walks by Fitz, does a double-take, then points and yells, "Hey everyone! It's Chivalry's Bastard!"

Fitz shrinks down.

"I heard you don't even have a name!" Burly man hollers, then gets right up in Fitz's face. "Is that true, tiny and defenseless six year old boy that I'm accosting? You don't have a name?"

Fitz yells "NOOOOOO" and, like a tiny, dirty Jedi master, force-shoves the man onto his ass. The crowd, assuming that the dude was just a coward who couldn't handle being yelled at by a toddler, has a laugh and carries on with their tasks. Fitz gets up and he and Nosy run away and spend all day hiding in a hole.

Burrich does eventually find him, and with a hearty "what the fuck you can't just burrow underneath the shed, get out of there," returns him to the stables, where his new home is Burrich's little bachelor pad above the stalls. In the days and weeks that follow, Fitz wakes up, eats breakfast, and immediately escapes the keep to go down to the town and run around with a bunch of street kids.

Fitz doesn't say much but he's game for anything and he has a dog, so he's accepted into the gang as "Newboy." He and his new friends generally just run around making trouble, stealing food, and bothering people. One of the notables in the bunch is Molly Nosebleed, called that because she always looks like someone just got done beating the shit out of her. Wholesome!

One sunny day, Fitz, Molly and Nosy are on the rocks near the beach looking for sheel to eat. I have no idea what sheel is and neither does Google. Then Molly's dad shows up to hit her with a stick to teach her a lesson about having a drunk, violent dad.

Alarmed, Fitz force-shoves Molly's dad into the sand. Molly immediately freaks out and struggles to get dad back on his feet to stagger back to their candle-making shop (or chandlery if you're feeling fancy). Fitz is confused at the intricacies of abusive relationships, but relieved that no one yet knows that he has force-shoving powers.

Aside from his brief encounter with childhood trauma, everything is going great for Fitz. Then one day, while he and his fellow urchins (and Nosy) are running from a dude whose sausages they just stole, Fitz runs right the fuck into Burrich.

"You get your butt right back up to the castle, young man," Burrich says, dragging Fitz along by his ear. "And if I EVER find out you've been down in town hanging out with someone again, I will personally have sex with them a bunch of times," he added foreshadowingly.

"I don't have to do what you say," Fitz barks.

"Bark," says Nosy.

Burrich's eyes narrow. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asks.

"I don't really know numbers," says Fitz.

"Bark," says Nosy.

"Nosy says that's three," Fitz translates.

"Alrighty then, no more puppy for you, the puppy is going to live on a farm upstate," Burrich says. He drags the puppy outside.

Presumably something cool happens to it.

So now instead of slumming around Buckkeep Town, Fitz spends his days following Burrich around and being taught how to manage horses and dogs but not birds because birds apparently hate bastards. Fitz is careful not to let Burrich see him being friendly with any animals.

One day, Fitz is sitting underneath a table in the Great Hall, being friendly with a bunch of puppies. It's the morning after a party and there's plenty of leftover food to be had, and he's happily stuffing pies down his shirt and sharing pieces with the pups. Then he hears footsteps and who should show up but KING SHREWD!

Shrewd is technically Fitz's grandfather but has never really spoken to him. He's walking along with Prince Regal (*crowd boos*) and the king's new fool, a weirdo albino child who's just cartwheeling along behind them.

Fitz goes "hmm, time to bounce" and crawls out from under the table. Shrewd stops to look at him. "Ah, the Little Accident," he says. "If you leave weapons laying around, someone will eventually pick them up and stab you with them."

"What?" says Regal.

"What?" says Fitz.

"I am not going to leave you laying around for someone else to kill me with," Shrewd says. "Lil Accident, take this pin. I am going to to feed you, train you, house you and clothe you. If anyone's got shit to say about it, show them this pin. It means you belong to me."

"...Okay, sure," Fitz shrugs. He puts the pin into the collar of his shirt. Shrewd nods magnanimously and walks on. Regal flips him off. The Fool cartwheels out the door as they leave.

That night, Fitz goes home to Burrich's bachelor pad, but Burrich turns him right back around. "You done gone and did it now," he says. "King Shrewd noticed you and now you're gonna have to go live inside the castle like a fancy lad. Go on."

"But despite my fear and resentment of you, I see you as a protector and father figure," Fitz says.

"Oh little boy who blew up my life, I love and resent you too," Burrich assures him. "If you get lonely, you can come back down here and I'll murder another puppy for you."

Fitz trudges up to the castle. He has a room of his own. There's a fucking weird tapestry on the wall of the ancient King Wisdom consorting with... what is that thing? Slenderman? It's creepy.

Weeks go by. Fitz is kept busy with new lessons in reading and writing and 'rithmetic, as well as swordery. Once in a very long while, he makes the trip back down to the town to visit his buddies, but those trips become fewer and farther between.

It's the middle of the night.

Fitz wakes up to a draft and a light in his face. There's an old man at the foot of his bed, holding up a lantern. "Come with me," the old man says.

"Oh," Fitz yawns, getting out of bed. "It's the call to adventure."

The old man leads Fitz to a doorway in the wall that hadn't been there before. This is where the draft was coming from-- a steep staircase leading up between walls. Old man leads Fitz up a maze of passageways and then finally to a huge hidden room with all the amenities a crazy old wall-man could want, like a fireplace and comfy chairs and a big bed and a library and a science lab.

Also, the old looks like he took a hot frying pan to the face. Like he really looks like hell.

"Wrow," Fitz says.

"Wrow indeed, boy," the old man agrees. "My name is Chade. I bet I look familiar to you. Well it's because I'm King Shrewd's brother and I blah blah blah I have a weasel named Slink. Next you're going to ask what the fuck happened to my face. I can tell everything you're thinking, because I'm a master spy and assassin and-- now this part you should take to heart-- I am always right about everything. Never doubt me."

"Okay," Fitz says.

"Good. That out of the way, let's train you to kill people."

#rote #robin hobb #farseer trilogy #fitzchivalry farseer #aa abridged #farseer trilogy abridged

[michaeljoncarter]

i think kyle and kory might have THE funniest and most chaotic history of any 2 characters i’ve ever seen. they’ve spoken all of like 3 words to each other in total, but literally EVERYTHING about the couple interactions they’ve had has been so insane in so many ways

the very first time they met, kyle tripped all over himself and told her he used to have a poster of her in his dorm room while donna was introducing them, then went with her and the rest of the titans to try and save gar, where kory very dramatically revealed she was possessed by raven. everybody’s like “my god!!” and kyle is just. standing there. in the background. absolutely no idea what the hell is going on or who any of these people are

and then in THE SAME ISSUE, tamaran gets destroyed right in front of kory’s eyes. she’s like on the floor having a breakdown, and kyle, who literally just met her 5 minutes ago, is still just in the background like 😬

the ONLY other time i’m aware of them really interacting is those couple pages in wonder woman where they stop a xenophobic dude from attacking an alien and kory says something like “god i’m so sick of humans” and kyle’s just fully like “yeah same sometimes i hate humanity as a whole and think this entire planet was a mistake” and starts to go off on a whole rant about empathy but gets cut off because a villain flies in out of nowhere and TURNS HIM INTO A FUCKING GOAT, knocks kory and jen out, and then the scene just ENDS.

i don’t think this was EVER ADDRESSED like was he still a goat when she woke up?? did she stay with him until the goat curse wore off? were she and jen running around with goatkyle trying to find a way to fix him offscreen? did she just abandon him to his fate?? take him to a barn??? i have SO MANY QUESTIONS like this shit was SO HECTIC FOR NO REASON

god and ALSO while afaik these are the only two times they’ve actually really talked, there’s also the fact that kory was both best friends with donna and got pretty close with jen while they were on the outsiders together right after her and kyle’s messy breakup. she has almost certainly had to sit through multiple rants about him from BOTH of his exes

she literally only knows him from 2 incredibly short, incredibly hellish interactions, and they’ve never really talked to each other, but also she probably knows more about him and his personal life than 99% of people including his closest friends. more than she ever wanted to know. WAY more.

like what the hell would her opinion of him even be?? i think about this all the time and yet i have absolutely no idea??

she barely knows him but also he was there for one of the most traumatic events in her life and also she knows every single weird thing he’s into and has seen him turned into a barnyard animal. how the hell is she supposed to feel about all that. can’t even begin to speculate. what the fuck. i’m obsessed with them

#long post #koriand'r #kyle rayner #ETA: the new titans 128 & wonder woman (1987) 174 respectively #idk why i didn't put that to begin with but those are the two issues! #hitting u wth 2 longass posts at 10am on a thursday #i think about them so much its so fucking funny #i really think they only ever interact in group settings and every time kyle’s like #“oh god oh god what does she know she must hate me she must think i’m such an idiot” #but kory looks at him and there’s just nothing #like every time she sees him or tries to think about him her head just fills with static #just white noise with the occasional flashback to goat kyle #its like a trauma response. rayner-induced dissociative episode

[your-local-hoemie]

Can i request childe and zhongli with s/o that has an army of plushies to sleep and cuddle with? S/o even names and take cares of every single one like their s/o's child 😭

Not me reading this while surrounded by my four blahaj’s and a 3ft llama plushy 💀

Sorry theses are kinda short, I’m struggling with Childe for some reason and I need to get back into the swing of writing ;-;

Warnings: fluff, gn!reader,swearing, tiny mention of the icky in childes, not proof read.

Characters: Childe, Zhongli.

Childe~

He’d never been over to your house before today so when you opened your bedroom door to reveal your bed practically COVERED in plushies he was surprised to say the least

Though his confusion quickly turns to amusement when you start introducing him to every single fucking one

“Oh Oh I can leave out (plush’s name) isn’t he just the cutest!?”

“Babe why didn’t you tell me I had competition..”

Absolutely gets kinda jealous when you choose to cuddle up with them instead of him-

Decides to buy a custom plush that looks like him for you

Actually had the balls to ask Scara if he can make one

Man almost died that day 💀

You end up playing into his “toy maker” facade for Teucer

Speaking of Teucer, he absolutely adores you!!

Childes heart melts whenever he see’e you both playing together~

It’s now a new ritual that you both choose the names for your new plushies!

One time it got so intense that you both ended up having a actual argument 💀

Overheard you ranting to all your plushies about it and thought it was adorable

Ended up holding a personal grudge against that one plush and death glares it whenever he see’s it-

Would absolutely be down to have tea parties!!

Even helps you choose fancy lil’ clothes if you like to dress them up!

You gave him one of those cute lil’ plushy keychains once that said “I love you” and he secretly keeps it on his person at all times~

Man adores you so being the sugar daddy he is you can rest assured he’ll gladly fuel your addiction

He just likes seeing your pretty face light up whenever you gain a new baby to cherish

If you’re sick or he has to go away for a while he’ll gather you and all the plushies together and sternly tell them to look after you for him!

Actually grew a habit of asking you how “the kids” are whenever he gets home!

If you’re having spicy time though he’ll refuse to do it in the same room as them 💀

He’ll never admit it but he’s grown to see them as actual children and the thought of “tainting” is unbearable hdjfjfif

If you’re away on commissions for a few days or weeks he’ll absolutely like to sleep around them when he misses you too much!

Zhongli~

Actually found it a little creepy at first 💀

“My dear these are simply stuffed toys, why do you treat them like a human child?”

Scold this mf

After a while of seeing how happy you get around them he starts to warm up!

Still doesn’t quite understand it but he thinks you’re adorable and your happiness is everything to him!

He once caught you telling your plushies about him while giggling and hugging onto to them and couldn’t help but let out a chuckle

You really are too cute sometimes

Man’s actually really good at choosing names!!

He’ll also give them backstories and important roles!

Has a select few he actually really likes and has secretly decided to promote them to your “protectors”

Tells you that he’s made sure they’ll keep you safe from any nightmares when he can’t ;-;

You convinced him to have a tea party with you and all your plushies once!

He’ll die before he admits it but he actually got excited!

Brought out his fanciest tea set for ya’ll!

Somehow ended up with a tiara on?

Xiao happened to appear behind him ti discuss something and the look on both of their faces was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen

Absolutely MORTIFIED

“W-what are you- I apologise it seems I’ve caught you at a bad time”

“No! I mean I was just showing Y/N how to properly prepare tea..cough”

They never spoke a word of it again

When you had to leave for a while you gave him gave him precise instructions on how to care for every single one

Followed them to the fucking letter

Discretely of course~

Told them all about his day and scolded himself when he caught himself asking them to tell you all about it when you got home

You’ve definitely brought out a more innocent child-like side to him and it’s precious!

Something about the way you show so much love and compassion to such simple objects warms his heart so much

He doesn’t really get jealous but he will be a little pouty if you choose to cuddle up to them while sleeping instead of him

When he asks granny Shan to make you a doll that looked like him for when you missed him he couldn’t help but get flustered with her teasing calling you “young love birds”

When he saw how you hugged it and gave the plush kisses all over its face before proceeding to do the same to him he felt so much pride!

Though don’t expect it to be a constant thing

He’s still broke asf 💀

I’m back at requests again!! Work should be a lot less intense now the coronation in the uk is over so more time to indulge in my Genshin addiction!

Early sleep for me now uwu

#genshin fluff #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin boyfriend scenarios #genshin drabbles #genshin impact #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #zhongli scenarios #zhongli headcanons #zhongli #childe scenarios #childe headcanons #tartaglia #tartaglia headcanons #tartaglia scenarios #childe #zhongli x reader #childe x reader #tartagalia x reader

[nehswritesstuffs]

Give Me That Seers and Roebuccaneer Aesthetic, If You Please

So you thought you saw the last of this AU setting? Think again!

4736 words; based off of this drawing by @pancakey-haley, which is one of the funniest things I’ve seen recently; takes place in the same continuity as Double-Date from Hell and Dr. Hart-Steeler, so a pseudo-Midwestern American modern AU where there’s no powers but somehow Brook is still a skeleton and Chopper’s a reindeer and other setting-dependent things; shorter than the other two installments but I feel it still is worth a gander

The thing about Tuesday-Thursday classes was at least neither of those days were Monday, Usopp thought thankfully as he trudged into his commercial photography class. Yeah, it was still nine in the morning, but it was Tuesday, and he’d take trudging into class clutching the largest, strongest coffee he could manage then in lieu of doing literally anything before noon on a Monday. He went to his copy of the assignment handout and almost spit out said coffee. [Modern AU where Usopp has an awkward class assignment, the Hearts know things they rather wouldn't, Bepo's cousin is just as precious as he is, and the throwback vibes are strong as everyone comes together to make things a little less shitty. Kinda. Try explaining that to Law.]

The thing about Tuesday-Thursday classes was at least neither of those days were Monday, Usopp thought thankfully as he trudged into his commercial photography class. Yeah, it was still nine in the morning, but it was fucking Tuesday, and he’d take trudging into class clutching the largest, strongest coffee he could manage then in lieu of doing literally anything before noon on a Monday.

“Oh, there you are Sopp-bro!” Usopp blinked heavily and saw Carrot cheerily waving at him from across the room where they both normally sat. “How are you doing this morning?!”

“Same as ever,” he groaned as he sat down. He thought he’d gotten used to chipper highschoolers in college classes that were technically way too advanced for their age with Chopper, but after having met Bepo’s cousin Carrot… well… he wouldn’t trade her cheer for anything but it still tested him. “Do you have the week’s lesson?”

“Yeah, but it’s gonna be a weird one,” she frowned. She took one of the handouts on her desk and passed it to him. “What’s a Seers store?”

He tilted his head, still a bit too tired to fully process why the little voice in the back of his brain was panicking. “It’s a… well, it was a department store. A fancier one that didn’t sell groceries but almost everything else. You know, kinda like in the Christmas movies.”

“Oh yeah! With a whole floor for toys and a cafe and those things that go chok-chunk?”

Things that go chok-chunk…? Ah, a credit card imprinter. Shit, he was too young to know that, technically-speaking.

“Yup. It was a big thing for a long time. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it considering how important the catalogue was in history class times.” He then went to his copy of the assignment handout and almost spit out his coffee.

Oh fuck no.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

No one at 1000 Sunny Rd was really prepared for Usopp to come home from classes in such a panic. Actually, when they thought about it, it was rather normal for him to come home from class all wound up in a panic, but Tuesday-Thursdays were usually pretty chill, which made today all the more interesting.

“This is bad, you guys!” he shouted the moment he came in through the front door. He barrelled his way into the open-concept living room/kitchen area, where most everyone was already gathered. The only one of the main crew who wasn’t there was Chopper since he had his own classes, and Law was there but only really as a seat for Nami as he napped upright on the couch with his arms around her waist and head resting against her shoulder.

“What’s bad?” Franky wondered. He paused the video game, which caused Luffy and Zoro to both scowl. “It’s super-unlike you to be this panicked mid-week.”

“It’s my stupid photography class,” he whined. “I’ve got to do formal studio portraits!”

“…like school ID pictures?” Zoro grunted.

“No, like Seers portraits and shit,” Usopp sniped. “I gotta do a family portrait and my instructor wants me to do my family.”

“Oooh!” Luffy gasped, sliding off the couch. “Are you gonna take our pictures?!”

“She wants me to take a portrait of me and…” Usopp shuddered, “my dad.”

“…but your dad’s on a shipping freighter in the middle of a fucking giant-ass lake,” Sanji commented from the kitchen. He put a mug of coffee on the island and Usopp took it, hoping the caffeine would help paradoxically calm him. “Did you explain to the lady that your dad works on a fucking freighter and can’t just pop on over?”

“Even if he could… I don’t know…” Usopp looked at his friends and finally noticed Law. “It’s four in the afternoon—why’s the old man napping?”

“Old Man has graveyard shift in the ER this week,” Nami replied. Usopp stared deadpan at her while Law let out a small snore. “Hey, don’t be jealous because I technically never have to work as long as he’s around.”

“Yohoho… I remember when I worked at a Seers and Roebuccaneer, making money by playing music in the appliances and tools because they were too cheap to replace the radio system in the entire building,” Brook mused. He then looked at Usopp curiously. “How many of your esteemed classmates remember Seers?”

“They don’t even remember H-Mart—how many do you think.” Usopp took a long drink of his coffee—yeah, that was the good shit.

“Oh, that’s s bummer,” Franky nodded in commiseration. “Kokoro still thinks it exists and refers to it as Hocker’s.”

“Professor Clover always called it Hocker’s before he passed,” Robin mused idly. She didn’t even look up from her book. “I didn’t realize they were the same store until I was six.”

“Yeah, and how is this going to help the fact that I probably won’t see my dad again in-person for another eight months and in nine days I’ve got a project due with him in it?” Usopp scowled.

“Muniscius comfiance,” Luffy said with all the confidence of an eight-year-old armed with their first dictionary. Everyone stared at him until Zoro grunted in irritation.

“You heard Luff—we’re gonna malicious compliance the bitch,” he translated. “Do you just have to do one of you and your old man?”

“I have to do at least two and one of them has to be that.”

“Alright; get the asshole up on a video call, take a picture of you and your phone, and then we’ll give her, like, fifteen others that’s just us dicking around. That’ll teach her to not give you accommodation.”

“Do you realize how much fucking extra work that’s gonna be, grass-head?” Sanji chided. “He’s trying to get out of work, not make more of it.”

“No, no, he has a point,” Jinbe replied. “We’re all supposed to be here on Saturday and we can have some fun with it. Seers portraits hold a certain nostalgia factor, after all, and if you ever need the skills in the future then this would be the time to practice them with such a large group of people.”

“Yeah!” Luffy beamed. “Plus, since we’re helping, you can say you managed us like you’re the head camera guy! That’s extra credit, right?”

“I don’t know if I even can get extra credit in this class…”

“Oh, I’m sure you can!” Luffy’s eyes then went wide. “That’s right! Carrot’s in your class! She can come over too! And her cousin and the rest of Torao’s friends! It can be a big party!”

“Luffy, I—!”

“Portrait party!” Luffy cheered, signaling Usopp’s doom. “Ooooh, Sanji?! Can you…?!”

“I’m on it, Boss,” the blond smirked. “I’ll have a menu by the end of the night.”

“Guys, it’s just a project—I was planning on submitting a complaint to the department…”

“Nah,” Luffy scoffed, waving it off. “A party’s always better, don’t’cha think?”

No… he really didn’t.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“I can’t believe they did this to me,” Usopp groaned. He was laying on his bed at 1000 Sunny Rd, his phone cradled in his hands as he grimaced at the screen. On the other side of the video call was Kaya, who was similarly situated in her dorm room across the state. “They know this is going to be a rough assignment to begin with.”

“It’s not their fault,” she reminded him. “They just want to help.”

“Yeah, and now it’s going to involve nacho dip and Sanji’s special tzaziki sauce.” He propped up his phone with the help of a pillow and a plush chameleon so that he could almost pretend they were in the same bed. “It’s a shame you’ve got a tournament this weekend or I’d say you should come over and keep me sane.”

“We’re only hosting the high school tournament, nothing else,” she reminded him. “I might be able to take off if Merry will let me.”

“Merry will, but I don’t know if your supervisor agrees.”

“It’s Quizbowl, not the end of the world.”

“You’d be surprised.” Usopp tried not to frown as he thought of Kaya’s family-friend-turned-undergrad-advisor, a sour man who seemed to love every opportunity to cockblock them at every turn. As though there was any cock being had to block! One look at him should have screamed that her innocence was safer with him than with others (coughNamicough), so what really was the problem?!

Okay, he knew the problems—plural—but he wasn’t about to unpack all that at the moment.

“What if you took your portrait with me?” she wondered. Her phone dropped to look at the ceiling as she shuffled around for a way to prop up the device on her end, missing her boyfriend’s deep blush. “I mean, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m going to school out here…”

“Don’t say that!” Usopp panicked. “We’re not that kind of together!”

“I know,” she smiled, “but it’s just… you are my boyfriend, and lots of couples don’t move it past that even if they are always together.”

“You do have a point…” He felt the blush further darken his complexion as he considered submitting one of his family portraits as just him and his girlfriend. Sure, they were talking about long-term-levels of seriousness, but a portrait of the two of them…? In a style common in family photos? He wasn’t entirely sure his heart (or his ever-suffering libido) would survive. “Maybe when you’re back this way for the summer we can do something like that and see if we can replicate the look with the ring lights.”

“That’d be fun,” she smiled. Kaya settled in under her blankets while hugging a stuffed sheep. “You have to tell me how everyone’s doing. Is Luffy still getting into trouble?”

“We don’t get into trouble with Captain Usopp around,” he bragged. Which… it was at least partly true. They weren’t getting into trouble. Not a lot, anyhow. For the moment. She giggled softly and allowed him to continue, the young man weaving exaggerations into his stories as they continued to talk each other to sleep.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Saturday at 1000 Sunny Rd was shaping up to be an interesting one.

First off, Carrot had stayed the night over so that she could be there bright and early, making it so that there was another kid Chopper’s age that he could conspire with when it came to goading Luffy into antics. It was only eight in the morning and they were already at it, with them jumping around the house in their pajamas. Then, on top of that, the Polar Tang had shown up at some point overnight, complete with Law’s trio of weird friends/coworkers/flunkies/platonic boyfriends/hype squad who were already making use of the pool while Law himself was nowhere to be found. Usopp had barely gotten the question out of his mouth when he heard Nami’s orgasm scream, at which he shuddered.

She was such a fucking traitor, getting action so conspicuously while he was left to dry. What ever happened to bestie solidarity?

“It’s been a rough week at work,” Bepo offered. He was sitting on the edge of the in-ground pool, kicking his feet in the water as he sipped a drink he’d procured from Sanji. “It was like an itch right under his skin since, I dunno, Wednesday.”

“That’s all well and fine but he needs to remember to shut the window,” Usopp sighed. He tried to block out the indecent and ridiculous noises coming from the offending couple and felt the need to be sick. “You guys have any suggestions about how to get back at them?”

“Eh, we can prank ‘em, but pranking Nami is like signing your own death warrant,” Penguin commented from the safety of a pool floatie.

“Oh, come on, I’ve pranked her a thousand times and I’m still alive!” Usopp scoffed. Law’s friends all stared at him, deadpan. “Okay, okay, okay… so maybe more like a handful of times… and I’m lucky to be alive be this point. Then how about Law?”

“Pranking him is hella difficult,” Shachi scoffed. “Dude’s almost always on his toes.”

“Had to be,” Penguin added. “Not gonna get into it, but he didn’t exactly have the most fun childhood.”

“I think you’d be more pressed to find someone here who did have a decent time as a kid,” Usopp replied, rolling his eyes. “Got anything I can work with?”

“Given how long he’s gone without despite a need, I’d say he’s got tw—” Bepo was interrupted by what sounded suspiciously like a strangled sob. “—one more round in him before he gets six and a half solid hours of sleep. Eight is if we’re lucky.”

“Do I even want to know how you know this?”

“Scientific method,” all three pool-goers said in unison. Usopp smacked his forehead and took a deep breath…

…wait a moment…

“Wait, you know I’m going to be roping people into my commercial photography assignment later, right?” Usopp posed. The others simply stared at him. “The assignment calls for imitating the style of a Seers portrait and I was thinking…”

“Oh, fuck, we’re in,” Shachi grinned. He scrambled to get out of the pool and towards his towel, drying off unevenly. “I’ve got just the thing!”

“This is news to me,” Penguin stated. “What the fuck do you have that’s got you like that?”

“All the work shit that’s still in the trunk!”

“Work shit…?” Usopp did not like the sound of that. “What sort of medical torture devices you got in there?”

“Not torture devices,” Shachi insisted. “More like there was this thing at work last week where we wore goofy outfits and took turns playing around in Pedes.” Another verbal confirmation of Nami getting fucked out of her mind cut him off and he grimaced.

“Well, most of us did,” Penguin said, taking over. “Grumpass didn’t, but that’s also, like, the only department he normally steers clear of; most do if they can help it.” He then looked from Usopp to Shachi and back, noting

All of Usopp’s synapses began to fire at once and he began to grin just as manically as Shachi (or Luffy during a particularly tasty meal). A costume cache? Oh, he was fucking in.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Admittedly, Usopp was having a lot of fun with his assignment when he stopped to think about it. He and Carrot were able to set up their impromptu portrait studio in the office area, having pooled their equipment checkout resources and were able to snag enough studio lights and varying accessories to actually function like they were supposed to instead of trying to cobble together some bastardized system using cheap ring lights and Franky’s cell phone (which had genuinely gotten him an A, but never again). They even got some neat gels and a couple softboxes, which they were sure some of the film majors were going to murder them over. Was it worth it? Always.

“So… we’re basically doing a photo booth, but with a Seers portrait vibe,” Nami said as she went through the box of clothes. Usopp did not understand how she was awake and functioning while her manfriend was still dead to the world in her bed, but he figured it was best to not think about it.

“All in the name of malicious compliance,” he replied. “I’ve already got the one with my mom’s wake portrait and the selfie of my dad up on my phone, so…”

“Please tell me it’s the slutty one that Shanks sent you as a joke.”

“His dating profile pic? It’s not like you’re dealing with a fucking amateur, Nami.” He folded his arms across his chest and pouted as he attempted to stand his ground. “Otherwise everyone else is a-go.”

“Is that why the goobers are running around crazier than usual?”

“Define ‘goobers’ in this situation.”

“The ones who kicked me out of my bedroom to ‘get Law ready for his closeup’?”

“Okay, for one, a portrait is not necessarily a closeup, but for two…” Usopp was about to continue when he saw Bepo shuffle into the room, the bear looking nervous as he clutched a vintage coin book in his paws. “Ready?”

“We’ve got ten minutes to get this going before he wakes up,” Penguin said from behind Bepo. The bear moved aside and showed Penguin in nice slacks and a polo shirt—was the penguin on his hat holding a cocktail—helping Shachi, who had found a pair of denim overalls with a duckling on the front to put with his normal sweater—where did he get the propeller for his hat—the pair pulling along a half-asleep Law, perfectly dressed for the occasion.

Usopp swallowed hard; he was going to die.

Quickly, he got the shots he needed of Law, Penguin, and Shachi before allowing the latter to cart the former off before the perfectly weary and pliable sleepiness wore off, Nami snapping a couple pics on her phone as extra insurance before vanishing herself. Bepo then went and got Carrot, the cousins posing for a few different shots before Luffy could not longer be contained and burst his way into the makeshift studio, demanding to be included in the proceedings.

Eventually, it was getting towards the end of the afternoon and both students were beginning to feel the strain of using their newfound skills continually for the entire day. Not only was it remembering f-stops and checking light meters and making sure they didn’t accidentally hit the settings reset button, but also wrangling… oh, the wrangling that they had to do. It honestly was insane. Not only did they have to attempt to control Luffy, but the entire rest of the house as well as they came in and out of the office area, dressed in both costumes and whatever their nicest (or tackiest) clothes on-hand were. It felt as though everyone else at 1000 Sunny Rd was deliberately making it rough for them when it came to actually getting things done.

“You people are going to be the death of me,” Usopp groaned as he melted onto one of the barstools by the kitchen island. A mug of coffee was placed in front of him, and a can of pop in front of Carrot as she joined them, the younger one decidedly more lively.

“I think it’s a lot of fun,” she replied. “We only have a few more to go; using the costumes were a great idea.”

“Speaking of which, I’ve noticed there’s a distinct lack of those weirdos,” he noted. Usopp glanced around—nothing. Sanji scoffed from the other side of the kitchen as he peeled potatoes.

“Nami-swan sent them on an errand, so they took the Tang and bolted ages ago,” he said.

“It’s bad enough she sends the rest of us to do her dirty work, but that’s ridiculous,” Usopp frowned.

“They know better than to invoke Nami-swan’s lovely wrath,” Sanji swooned.

“Is ‘lovely’ the correct word for it, though?” Carrot wondered.

“The simp’s a lost cause,” Usopp deadpanned. Sanji did not hear them, as he was too busy fantasizing to be of much use conversation-wise. “You’d think he would have stopped once Nami started fucking another man, yet here we are.”

“I didn’t know simping could be… uh… platonic…?”

A beat.

“Carrot, nothing about Sanji and women is platonic.”

The younger teen shrugged and grabbed a plate so she could pile on a bunch of the tiny treats that Sanji was still cooking for everyone, making sure to get enough for both her and Usopp, who they both already knew would be denied extras until later. They brought their drinks and the plate back to the office area and began to eat in relative peace and safety, keeping to themselves until they heard the crunch of driveway pebbles under car tires, signaling that whatever errand Nami had Penguin and Shachi on, they had returned from it.

“Good,” Usopp grunted through a mini spanikopita. “Now maybe I can get a real shot of those morons before Law leaves for work.”

“Possibly…? Let’s go see if they need any help!”

“You can; I’ll just stay here and prep for the next group.”

Carrot pouted for a moment before leaving the office area, letting Usopp fiddle with the light stands. He was able to rearrange the setup for a smaller group when he heard a soft knock at the door.

“Master Photographer Usopp is almost ready!” he replied. The door creaked open and he frowned. “Hey, I said I was almost—!”

The words died in his throat as he was shocked to see Kaya standing there, looking at the studio setup as though it was the most technical-looking thing she’d ever seen. She turned back to him just in time to see as he wrapped her in a hug.

“Oh! Usopp!”

“How did you get here?!” he wondered. She pressed a kiss to his lips and giggled.

“Mr. Penguin and Mr. Shachi came to get me,” she admitted. “It was a little weird, and I had to convince my sorority it wasn’t a kidnapping…”

“No… no… I don’t want to know,” Usopp decided. He looked at Kaya and all the stress that had been built up that day seemed to melt away. His mom had always told him that love could break the hold that hardships had on people and make much easier to bear, and it was times like this where he truly believed that. “I’m just glad they didn’t send Sanji as one of the conspirators this time.”

“He meant well.”

“That’s giving him a few too many benefits of the doubt.” It was then that he saw Carrot come in, carrying what looked to be Kaya’s backpack. “Isn’t that right? Letting Sanji loose on a sorority is just asking for trouble.”

“Is that why he went to culinary school and not a regular four-year university like us?” the teen wondered.

“One reason of many.” Usopp froze as Kaya took her backpack and brought out two framed photos—her parents. “Uh… Kaya…?”

“We’re not going to be able to see if the ring lights work as a substitute if we don’t have the real thing to compare it with,” she reasoned.

Okay, so maybe the chaos was worth it after all.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

That night was one of the best party nights Usopp had experienced in a while. It wasn’t the good food (Sanji outdid himself, again) or the friend-based antics (which were always a good time), but it was the fact that he went to bed that night with Kaya, the pair snuggled up together in his bed for the first time in months to combat the night chill with their shared body heat.

Okay, so what if they were fully clothed? And that there was a bedsheet separating them? And there were no bedroom activities other than sleeping going on? They all couldn’t be Nami; be realistic.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Law was honestly nursing one of the worst headaches he’d ever suffered through. It wasn’t quite a migraine—he was not nearly nauseous or light-sensitive enough for that—but it was still making him regret having gone on midnights last-minute the week prior despite the fact he was currently on days. He clutched his coffee cup a little closer—there was something to be said about the hot bean juice that made the world marginally tolerable.

After checking in on a patient he was due to operate on the following day, Law decided to make his way to the nurses’ station to follow up with Bepo. It was there that he saw that his best friend was sitting there with his cousin, the teen happily chatting away as she showed him a bunch of photos from a large manila envelope.

“Is this a personal or business visit?” Law asked as he approached the desk. Carrot caught sight of him and her grin only widened.

“Oh, there you are, Law-bro!” she said merrily. “I was just showing off the prints of the project Sopp-bro and I did last weekend! Do you want to take a look?”

“Sure.” Law sat his coffee down and began to casually flip through the photos. Seas, they looked like the kind of portraits that Cora-san had of him and his parents and brother from back when he was a kid. Everyone was in their silliest… with exceptions, of course. He looked up from the shot of him and Nami, the two of them dressed in high-waisted jeans and frumpy sweaters, to see that Carrot and Bepo were both looking at him expectantly. “Did you get the grades back?”

“Not only did we pass, but we also got extra credit!” Carrot grinned. “Sopp-bro’s also turned in a formal complaint to the department head that’s probably going to escalate.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear.” Law then narrowed his eyes at a package that was sitting on Bepo’s desk, wrapped in brown paper and looking very suspicious. “What’s that?”

“Oh, that’s for Peng-bro and Sach-bro,” Carrot explained. “They paid special for that one.”

“Did they now?” Law didn’t like how the cousins exchanged a wary glance—when they were up to no good, it was genuinely no good. “Now why would they pay special for a school project you and Nose-ya did?”

“A frame and use of the special printer.” Law looked over his shoulder to see Shachi pushing his mobile station to its dock and plugging it in. “Kiddos went and made up a nice family portrait of us.”

“I think you mixed up ‘nice’ with ‘tacky’ again,” Law deadpanned. Shachi waited until Penguin caught up before taking the package from Carrot. “Besides, you sound like Strawhat-ya by saying ‘family’ like that.”

“We’re four of the weirdest brothers and you know it,” Penguin huffed. He looked over Shachi’s shoulder as the other man unwrapped the photo frame, both men’s faces lighting up at the contents. “Oh, Carrot, if you weren’t way too young for me I’d kiss you.”

“It’s all Sopp-bro,” the teen blushed. “It actually was used as one of the examples in class! The professor was very impressed with the composition and technique!”

“Let me see,” Law said. He took the frame from Shachi’s hand and went pale while his friends all started to giggle.

There, in his hand, was a portrait of him with the techs, an enlarged and faded-in insert image of the charge nurse in the upper right-hand corner.

“…did you shits deepfake me…?”

“No, that was all you,” Carrot supplied. “The professor really enjoyed your expression! Said it was exactly the kind of variation the portrait batch needed!”

“When the fuck did you take this?!” Law grimaced, absolutely aghast.

“You were still half-asleep and in the post-nut haze, so we took advantage of it while we could,” Penguin said. Law instead grit his teeth.

“So you took that as permission to put me in a frumpy dress, bonnet, and plastic pearls?”

“Don’t forget the coin collection,” Shachi reminded him. “I bet that was a nice touch.”

“We were the only two students that had portraits with props, so it really was!” Carrot seemed absolutely oblivious to the ire that was building in the surgeon. “He did a really good job on the compositing as well, which made it so Bep-bro’s fur wasn’t too clipped!”

“…and you people thought this was a good idea, how?!”

“It’s just a bit of fun,” Shachi said, taking back the photo frame. “Besides, it’s our family portrait, like I said. Plus it helped some of the Sunny gang.”

“You guys are dead,” Law hissed, the last word through grit teeth. Shachi and Penguin both turned on their heels and bolted, with the surgeon not too far behind after depositing the portrait back in Carrot’s hands. She and Bepo looked at one another for a moment before bursting into giggles, because they knew something Law didn’t:

Hiding underneath the goofy portrait was three others; one was everyone who was there at 1000 Sunny Rd. that day, another of the four friends in less-goofy getups, and one of just Law and Nami—one of the most normal photos taken the entire day. Not only did they have them sitting there layered in the frame, but copies had been set aside for Cora-san and Bell-mère as well.

Ah… what he didn’t know wouldn’t kill him.

#Usopp #Kaya (One Piece) #Usopp x Kaya #UsoKaya #Nami (One Piece) #Carrot (One Piece) #Trafalgar Law #LawNa #Law x Nami #Bepo #Penguin (One Piece) #Shachi (One Piece) #One Piece #fan fiction #there are Catholics less sexually repressed than Usopp is in this fic lbrh #this is less Liar Usopp and more Clinical Depression Usopp I hope you understand #Trafalgar D. Water Law