rating dteam+ on how likey I think they would admit to being in a relationship with one another based SOLELY on my skewed ass vibes
Dream: 6.5/10 oversharing king. would make a valiant effort to keep it private but then just wouldn't be able to keep it to himself and posts a twitlonger on his priv gushing
George: 3/10 would only confirm it after the other party has confirmed it, and even then would be dodgy about it
Sapnap: 8/10 i think he'd be pretty open abt it im ngl to u. especially if he's with one half of dnf i think he'd just be so excited to crush so many dreams and no longer be called the third wheel
Bad: 7/10 similar to dream. would try to deny it but then fuck up and confirm it. Cringe fail.
Skeppy: 1/10 would confirm it only to immediately then lie the next day saying he was joking.
Punz: 3-8.5/10 solely depends on who it is. either he's trying to take it to his grave or he's posting wedding pictures.
Foolish: -9999999/10 gaslighting king. would look stream in the eye and deny picture evidence
Karl: 3/10 same energy as skeppy. trolls as long as possible. confirms it before they're even together only to them lie when they are together saying they're not. aims to give so many headaches
Tina: 2/10 her ass is NOT telling you. unless she has literally no other choice
Slyvee: 3/10 i feel like she'd be slightly more willing then Tina but only slightly.
Hannah: 2/10 yeah sorry i think all the girls wouldn't want to say shit bc the internet is bad and misogynistic. peace and love
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concept: eddie has heard many a rumor about king steve, but he's actually never really bothered to seek him out. and while he was doing his lunchtime monologues, steve was usually hanging out with tommy and carol in the parking lot. so despite hawkins high being a small school, he's never connected the rumor to the boy.
he HAS however seen steve, he just doesn't know it. and it's basically love at first sight, but eddie is never able to catch up to him and learn his name. so whenever he talks to his friends, he just calls him the guy with the Fat Ass.
and his friends always brush over steve harrington whenever eddie tries to point out the "love of his life." so it becomes a running joke that eddie is in love with some sort of ghost with a Fat Ass.
then one day, steve peeks into the drama room, looking for dustin. and all eddie can do is point and say "you... you fat ... fat ass." and steve is just like "rude."
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Why Hazbin characters are the animal they are:
(Because of that conversation I just had with @xxqueenofdragonsxx )
Angel (spider)
1. His family’s “web of crime”
2. A spider was the last thing he was before he died.
3. He had a weirdly heartfelt moment with a spider as a child that stayed with him to adulthood.
4. He was terrified of spiders and this was his first punishment in hell.
5. He insulted spiders by calling them “creepy fuckers”— the spider community was insulted and sought punishment.
6. He and his family’s last name was “Ragno” which literally means “spider” in Italian.
7. He’s Spider-Man. Or Spider-Gwen at least— look at his colors.
Husk (cat)
1. Fucking hated cats when he was alive
2. Hates flying when he was alive.
3. Flew in a plane in the military at some point so has flight-related trauma.
4. Cause he does that cat thing where they can’t deal with people’s bullshit.
5. Ex had a cat, their relationship was complicated.
6. Husk really hates messes. Having both feathers and fur is the ultimate torture.
7. He died tripping on a cat and then being impaled by the beak of a dead bird.
8. Died falling. Period. Cats land on their feet and birds can fly so it’s some kind of irony.
Alastor (deer)
1. He was killed because someone thought he was a deer in the forest.
2. The deer in headlights look he always makes when someone propositions him sexually
3. He was the predator chasing the prey, now his creature is the prey.
4. First thing he ever killed was a buck.
5. He really likes venison and is a cannibal. Now he has a steady supply of food. He just needs to wait to regenerate.
6. His favorite thing to say was “oh dear” so the universe made it into a pun.
7. He wasn’t shot by a person. He was shot by a serial killer deer.
Sir Pentious (snake)
1. He was a slippery little fella.
2. Was obsessed and had a ton of pet snakes.
3. Alternatively he was terrified of snakes.
4. The last person he called a “friend” called him a snake before leaving him forever.
5. Snakes are supposed to be symbols of healing, which was ironic because he couldn’t save the one person he loved most.
6. He had a lisp and was frequently harassed for sounding “snake-like” (yay ableism)
7. His name really was Sir Pentious when alive and the universe couldn’t not let the opportunity go to waste.
Valentino (moth)
1. He used to zap and kill moths for fun, putting them in peoples beds because nobody likes a moth in your bed.
2. He publicly ran a campaign saying butterflies > moths, the moths didn’t like that.
3. He was killed when a stage light “accidentally” fell on him.
4. Like a moth, he is easily distracted by bright things.
5. Choked on mothballs and died.
6. Sold powder of crushed up moths under the guise that it was cocaine. Someone found out a killed him in anger.
7. Was killed running into traffic as he was being chased by a moth.
Vox (TV)
1. Was a TV host
2. Sold crappy, overpriced TVs
3. Killed someone by smashing their head in with a TV.
4. HE was killed by his head getting smashed in by a TV.
5. His form isn’t really a TV, but he was decapitated and needed a replacement head and this was the first thing he could find.
6. Stared at screens way too long as a child.
7. Was epileptic so the universe thought it would be funny if he could use his face to induce seizures in others (the universe has a messed up sense of humor man. How about we don’t cause people to have seizures?)
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gog i still can't get over minish cap vaati's Everything. He is So Fucking Stupid (affectionate)
Like. This guy's establishing character moment is, in order:
he's introduced as having won an entire tournament to get to touch a magic chest and get a cool sword, which was the prize for said tournament
turns around and does a goddamn evil soliloquy TEN FEET AWAY FROM THE GUARDS who were about to hand him his macguffin on a platter
(like this man fucks up his own horribly planned daylight heist because he cannot keep a lid on the dramatics for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, IN PUBLIC)
(THE BAR WAS ON THE FLOOR VAATI, FUCKING GANONDORF PLAYS THE PIPE ORGAN FOR HIS OWN BOSS INTRO AND HE STILL KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT)
proceeds to fight the guards (it is, admittedly, a curbstomp for him, but it still clearly wasn't his plan, because otherwise why bother with the tournament)
gloats evilly
opens chest, unleashing a whole bunch of monsters
exposits out loud about Zelda's powers like a nerd while she is actively charging up her magic powers to kick his ass
RECOGNIZES and IDENTIFIES said magic as the special power carried by the female royal line
completely fails to recognize it as the light force he is currently trying to get his hands on (he spends like 99% of the game not figuring this out.)
petrifies her
(i have no idea if link could have deflected this spell if he had managed to get the right angle with his shield but i like to think somewhere there is a very short and very funny alternate timeline where it happens)
(more importantly: no part of vaati's original presumed plan would have involved doing this. he 100% created this situation for himself by being an dramatic idiot and picking a fight for no good reason.)
looks in the chest
there's no light force
considering his stated goals he might be as confused as you are about the monsters tbh
uhhh
evil laugh
teleports the fuck out
He then proceeds to spend the rest of the game trying to figure out where the light force is and ends up having to wait for Ezlo and Link to figure it out first because he was, as far as I can tell, GENUINELY stuck on this part. He fucking kidnaps and impersonates the King, not for access to Zelda, but to… send guards to go look for the Light Force, presumably because he was either running out of ideas or genuinely thought that would work.
None of the guards even had any idea what he was talking about. He's not even good at impersonating the King. He's already sent like twenty people to the dungeon by the time you get there and it hasn't even been a week. Somehow the game spins this as a cunning plan and clever manipulation or something.
(Meanwhile the guards are just. Poking around in random bushes and shit hoping to find the light force. One of them asks you what you think it might look like.)
Zelda is literally right next to the throne and Vaati does not figure it out until you find an actual honest-to-goodness LORE TABLET spelling out that the Light Force is Stored in the Zelda, at which point he's like "ahahaha you've done my work for me this was definitely my plan all along" and takes over the castle and throws a bunch of monsters at you to stall for time while he figures out how to extract the force from her. Somehow he still doesn't think to actually lock the fucking door.
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