#this was the funniest way I could think to do it

[fanfic-obsessed]

Failing to Thrive then Thriving in failure

I just had the funniest notion. Time travel comedy, but the twist is that Palpatine is the one to go back in time. 

So we start just after Kenobi, Palpatine has been emperor for about a decade, he succeeded. The Sith plan is complete, he has everything he had dreamed of and worked toward for a decade…and he is so bored. He never realized that 90% of his joy actually came from pretending to be a benevolent Chancellor and the intrigue of fooling people.  Now he has shown his true colors and could not go back to pretending (it simply would not work). Being the Sith in charge is not as fun as he thought it would be. Even getting to openly torture people has lost its appeal after 10 years.

It’s ok for Vader. For one Vader was never interested in those intrigues in the first place. For two 45% of Vader brain is taken up by trying to resurrect Padme Amidala, 50% is taken up by Obi Wan Kenobi (Palpatine is not sure if Vader wants to kill Kenobi, Kriff Kenobi, make Kenobi tuck Vader in every night and tell him is it going to be alright, Force Kenobi to help Vader resurrected Padme, or make sure Kenobi is eating, taking care of himself, and has a good enough blanket), leaving only 5% for everything else.  

Frankly if this is what Kenobi had to deal with before the war, Palpatine is somewhat impressed he got anything done.

Vader isn’t bored. Palpatine’s assorted lesser minions are not bored, they are living the dream of being as bigoted as their little fascist hearts desire. But Palpatine just could not find joy any longer. 

I do want it clear. Palpatine is not repentant. He does not regret the deaths that he caused, the genocide, the enslavement, any of it. He’s just bored. 

One day Palpatine finds a book, or maybe an artifact, or possibly a scrap of paper with an archaic formula. The title roughly translates to ‘Sith Master Time Travel’ (Listen The Son was also very bored, and being outside of Space Time meant He wanted to see what would happen). Palpatine is able to time travel, but only as far back as when he became a Sith Master. It was also a one time deal, he would not be able to use the method again AND it would destroy his origin timeline (not that that actually factored into Palpatine’s decision at all).  Not to mention he would essentially be possessing and killing his previous, alternate timeline self. 

Of course Palpatine time travels. He goes all the way back to the moment he became the Sith Master (it turns out the Sith titles are not just titles), looking at the still warm corpse of Hugo Damask, just as the Naboo crisis is wrapping up. 

Now Palpatine had already decided to do some things differently.  At first he was still working outward the Grand Sith Plan, if trying to keep his ‘Kindly Politician’ mask a bit longer, however he has decided that instead of Vader (or possibly in addition to Vader, if things get boring again) he will get Obi Wan Kenobi as his apprentice, figuring that there must have been a reason that every Sith Apprentice for 20 years ends up obsessed with the man (also because he thinks it would be funny to corrupt the Jedi’s ‘Guiding Light’). Dooku and all the pieces needed to start the Clone wars are already mostly in place. It is just a matter of maintaining until the clones are the right age.  So he does what he needs to to maintain the Empire building plans and decides to focus on corrupting Obi Wan. 

He fails, utterly. He fails so fully that Obi Wan did not even notice his attempts at corruption. Like he knew it would take time to corrupt a Jedi, he had done before after all, but he still expected at least a little change within the first year. There was nothing. 

And it was not a case of Obi Wan not trusting Palpatine. This is still a decade before the war. Obi Wan is a grieving, freshly knighted,  trying to keep up with a nine year old with somewhat unique trauma. Palpatine knows how to get Obi Wan to feel comfortable and trust him (Palpatine probably knows too well how to get Obi wan to feel comfortable and trust him, between Dooku and Vader). Obi Wan is just, for a given value, incorruptible. 

Now Palpatine’s obsession switch has been flipped. He went into it thinking that corrupting Obi Wan would be a fun side project, a way to pass the time.  He was wrong.  He knows from the previous timeline that torture would not be effective (Listen if the torture mask specifically built to corrupt lightsiders did not make a dent after a month it is pretty well proven that torture will not cause Kenobi to fall, Palpatine knows this) nor would killing Kenobi’s loved work (again, if it didn’t last time we have some pretty concrete proof). 

So now we have Palpatine trying every method he can think of to seduce Kenobi the darkside, always just shy of admitting to being a Sith or being creepy. To the point that he has actually forgotten the Empire building he was doing. He kind of even forgets to be Sidious.  He almost ghosts Dooku, before he remembers that Dooku is Kenobi’s grandfather(that is not the correct term, Dooku tries to correct Palpatine an even dozen times before giving up) and gets Dooku involved in the corruption that is STILL. GOING. NOWHERE.

Dooku basically becomes Grandpa Dooku to both Obi Wan and Anakin, and falls back into the Light while trying unsuccessfully to corrupt Obi Wan to the Dark. Due to darkside vow complications (also because I think it would be really funny) Dooku is not able to say, imply, or otherwise do anything to make the Jedi suspicious that Palaptine is a Sith. Also, to a certain extent he thinks that as long as Palpatine is focused on corrupting his incorruptible grandson, the other Sith is not thinking about galactic domination (To be fair he is correct).  

Palpatine spends most of his time trying to corrupt Obi Wan, while keeping up the act used to maintain Obi Wan’s trust. The thing is Palpatine is fully aware that Anakin in the original timeline was about observant as a particularly dense brick wall and would not have realized that the persona of ‘My friend Palaptine’ did not match the reality of ‘My pal Friendpatine’. Obi Wan would realize if his act was not consistent. 

So Palpatine decided to keep the act up 24/7.  And everyone knows that your actions become your habits become your personality. 

Somewhere in year 8 Palpatine forgets how to Sith. 

Technically he is still a darksider but not the extra layer of fucked up that comes from being an actual Sith. And he still has not even made a dent in Obi Wan’s light. He has also, almost single handedly, derailed the war that had been brewing and fixed about 40% of the corruption in the Senate.  All without killing a single senator.

Palpatine spends most of his time very confused. 

Palpatine lets his term as Chancellor end, having gone down in history as one of the most beloved Chancellors in history.  The Clones are found and mostly are inducted as an arm of the Jedi Order. Jango Fett is given a metric ton of therapy, which helps him see that the Jedi were not actually at fault for Galidraan (Jango had, in fact, been the person to escalate things to violence) before he is allowed to take Boba back into the galaxy. By that point the Clones want little to do with him. 

For the rest of his life Palpatine tries, unsuccessfully, to corrupt Obi Wan (who never noticed). At this point he is genuinely friends with a number of Jedi (He and Mace Windu have a surprising amount in common, including a love of the theater and a mild exasperation for Anakin Skywalker's antics). He is an honored guest at both the CodyWan and the Anidala Weddings (including a Jedi based wedding ceremony).

Honestly he is having the most fun of his life. 

He is also never caught as a darksider. He never figures out how that is possible either.

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars au #obi wan kenobi #fanfiction prompt #anakin skywalker #codywan #sheev palpatine #bamf obi wan #anidala #incorruptible Obi Wan #Obi Wan is Light Sided #Darth Vader #darth sidious #time travel #comedy #humor

[mochiajclayne]

Hi there,

I hope you're doing well.

i read your post regarding SasuSaku and Sarada as a family and you stole the words right off my mouth.

I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions on Sasuke Retsiden because from what I can see, its only Jun Esaka (a mere light novel writer that writes non canon stuff) all over the internet being equally all over about her Sasuke Retsuden. I haven't seen any other light novel writer being more active about something non canon. Even kishimoto himself doesnt behave like this regarding his own work.

I'd like to also know about your opinions regarding Jun Esaka ATTEMPTING to remove or metaphorically kill Karin Uzumaki by making the main villain a Karin look alike and giving her sensory abilities to Sakura, which again, makes no sense. Does that woman hate Karin and SK so much? Is that woman so threatened by the very thought of SK as a couple that she had to incorporate a villain that looks like Karin Uzumaki down to a tee?

These are just my thoughts and speculations but I'm also really interested in knowing your side of the story.

Thanks for reading my long comment and i wish you a wonder day/afternoon/evening/night

Hi, @theuntamedangel! I appreciate the long comment! I hope you have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening/night, too!

Before I share my thoughts about Sasuke Retsuden, let me share that I did, unfortunately, have a sasusaku phase. I know. Shocker. The entire lore is here in case you're interested (promise it's relevant to my explanation).

I did hear about Sasuke Retsuden when I was still in college. Bits of information, specifically, about the chakra ring and from a perspective of someone who used to ship sasusaku casually, my initial reaction was okay good for them and I went on with my day. Note that I wasn't as heavily engaged in the Naruto fandom like I do now so for me to isn't active back then, hearing about Sasuke Retsuden, speaks volume on how it is over the internet that it even reached me.

I hate Sasuke Retsuden. It's badly written, it's OOC especially for OG Naruto characters, and the canon inaccuracies are more than enough to drive me into aneurysm.

Below this cut is my detailed thoughts about Sasuke Retsuden.

The villain looking like the male version of Karin caught me off guard. I don't know what the intentions behind the character design but I think they aimed for association as Jiji, one of the characters from this godforsaken novel, reminded me of Juugo.

I am not a sasukarin shipper but I do understand where the shippers are speaking from. I think they'll make a cool couple because Karin actually freaking cares about Sasuke when shit gets serious and outside of her "gag", she respects Sasuke's boundaries. Might be speaking out of the box but this novel in its existence was meant to be sasusaku-centric so the possibility of being threatened by all Sasuke-related ships, especially those making far more sense than SS, is high. I don't think Jun Esaka hates Karin. I would dare say that she picked a random character that could work as a direct contender to Sakura and unfortunately, she decided to scapegoat Karin. Moreover, the entire sensory ability shtick added to Sakura was uncalled for. I would go even further and say that Esaka's version of Sakura is what her stans hailed her to be--a superior version of [insert any Naruto's female character]. Even their pink haired kunoichi is incredibly OOC here and you expect me to take her seriously?

The funniest thing about Sasuke Retsuden is the way that they had to use SNS at first, specifically, Sasuke's mission is to find a cure for that chakra illness that Naruto alone suffers. Sure, this is SS centric but it all comes down to Sasuke and Sakura working together to find a cure for Naruto. Now, she could just write a novel about SS without using Naruto's "sickness" as some kind of a plot device, right? But no, she had to convince us somehow and an effective way to do that is literally Naruto and Sasuke.

The dinosaur. Don't even get me started. Even tailed beasts cannot fight against Sharingan to the point that canon graciously provided us evidence of both Madara and Obito controlling the Nine Tailed Beast. The very same Sharingan that made the higher ups of Konoha suspect the Uchiha clan as mastermind for that same incident. We're talking about the same dojutsu that manipulated the Fourth Mizukage. The canon inaccuracy throws me off the loop.

More inaccuracies. Suddenly Sasuke is an Earth and Ice Style user. Wow. Conveniently forgetting about Kakashi mentioning in Part 1 how Ice Style is a Kekkei Genkai that even Sharingan can't copy. As far as Naruto canon goes, Sasuke is a Fire and Lightning Style user. I don't consider Boruto as canon but even that animanga doesn't show any moment of Sasuke using Earth Style. It's insane that people claimed this as canon.

THIS DISTURBING INTERACTION. I did say that the OG Naruto characters are OOC in this shitshow novel and yes, unfortunately that includes Sakura. We've seen the way she react around Naruto's sexy ninjutsu antics. Unless objectification of women or the mere implication of it doesn't perturb her, then it says more about how Esaka portrayed her. I'd personally file a restraining order when a guy says he'd settle for my old, half smoked cigarette butts. I'm surprised that she didn't throw any snide remarks here.

WHO IS THIS SASUKE AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM. This panel made me laugh so hard because I feel like Esaka straight up ignored that Sasuke canonically spent years with his family before the Uchiha downfall happened. I don't think he'd be this clueless about how a married couple acts. Even in flashbacks, Sasuke was shown around his parents or Itachi, literally with his family. I think he knows well enough about married couples.

The ring part as well makes me cackle because Kurenai literally wears a ring in Shippuden. Trust me, Juugo-look-a-like, rings are used in Konoha by couples.

The Uchiha clan symbol takes me out because AREN'T YOU GOING UNDERCOVER IN THIS PRISON? WHY ARE YOU SHOWING THAT OFF?

The Chakra ring in question. Finding out the lore behind this further upset me and I am thankful that I no longer ship sasusaku. Show these panels out of context to someone with little to no exposure to canon and it would be romantic but if you know Narutoverse like the back of your hand, this novel served nothing. Seriously, the fact that Sasuke is incredibly OOC on this novel speak volumes. Imagine annihilating Sasuke's character to make SS work? Insanity.

Writing Edo Tensei with rose tinted glasses disgust me. That jutsu is straight up manipulating a dead body at your bidding. Tobirama shouldn't have invented that jutsu. Hinting that jutsu to be used to revive a loved one that passed away is vile and disgusting. The lack of attention to canon isn't a new thing for Esaka at this point.

Even this novel can't cover up the fact that Sakura doesn't know Sasuke well. If there's one thing that's consistent in the prequel, it was Naruto that gets into trouble. Sasuke doesn't use honorifics and he got away with it. His bluntness doesn't get him and everyone around him in trouble. Sasuke only began resorted to extremes when he was batshit blind and sinking into the unhinged depths of his hatred. Probably the only things that Sakura got correctly was Sasuke's kindness and his nonchalance about his looks but that's it. So the claim of knowing Sasuke inside and out is preposterous. The one who can say that is, guess who? Naruto.

Ending this long analysis with this panel because honestly, Ino is asking the questions for me. Unfortunately, despite being "married", their dynamic stayed the same. Sakura is still that same girl that has a crush on Sasuke, except she's in her 30s and Sasuke is still the same boy that rejected her date offers and the idea of being together with her, even reaching the point that he's away from her a lot.

I do apologize for going off to the point that I decided to pull a meta post about this. I do hope you're doing well and I appreciate the ask!

#anti sasuke retsuden #sasuke #uchiha sasuke #anti ss #anti sasusaku #mochiajclayne.txt #naruto #tagging him because he was mentioned #same with #karin #juugo #karin uzumaki #tagging sns as well because they're mentioned #sns #sasunaru #narusasu

[catboybiologist]

The WOKE TRANSGENDER MOB is taking yet another FEMBOY ICON

Fucking bullshit. Fucking BULLSHIT. The woke mob is now saying that beloved femboy icon, CatboyBiologist, is trans and will be medically transitioning. First brisket and now this? Why doesn’t everything conform to the image that I formed in my head for my own benefit? This is forced diversity at its finest.

Look at these absolutely deranged quotes that they’ve CLEARLY forced him to say:

“I didn’t like being masculine from the onset of puberty, and being a ‘femboy’ was a valuable part of figuring out what exactly I wanted to do with that feeling. I’ve been figuring things out for a while, and I currently have appointments lined up to start HRT by the end of this month (August 2023).”

Have they no limits? Have they no shame? CLEARLY this is a fake flag by the sjw communist animal farm 1984 alphabet soup mafia elites to trans the gender of the most cisgender person in existence. It’s abundantly clear that once you represent your gender expression in a particular way, it is completely static and never changes. Exploration is strictly off limits. You’re only a real transgender if your mother gives birth in the endocrinologists office and you get your HRT prescription at 23 seconds old, otherwise you’re a filthy AGP cuck.

As we all know, femboys exist so that I can jack off to men and claim “it’s still straight if it’s femboys bro”, allowing me to ignore my deeply repressed bisexuality. If no femboy is safe from the transing of the genders, then how will I be able to have an outlet for my attraction to men? Finding community and healthily expressing it in a way that doesn’t involve me fetishizing gender nonconformity and unhealthily bottling up my queerness? Fucking disgusting.

We all know that there’s absolutely no precedent for using gender nonconforming cultural trends to explore ones identity before transitioning. That’s why every drag queen has always been a 100% cis man and none have ever pursued transition ever.

Clearly the goal here is to erase feminine men and convert boys into the alphabet mafia. As a someone who regularly jacks off to femboys, I have personally appointed myself as the authority on all things related to gender nonconformity, and I refuse to bow down to the wokeness that is queer people who actually go outside. As this authority, I know from my depths of experience mindlessly scrolling through anime femboys online that femboys are a completely different thing than the lgbtqiaabcdefg rabble, and that they’re based whereas real gay people and gender nonconforming people are cringe. Absolutely no overlap exists between trans people and the gender nonconforming cis people whatsoever. With this authority and knowledge, I have pledged to personally divide and destroy any semblance of queer unity present in the online microcosms I find myself in. And because of this, I have to speak out against this trans agenda.

BULLSHIT I say. They’re transing the genders of the femboys and I won’t stand for it.

#if it wasn't obvious the transphobia is a joke #however me transitioning in the near future is not lol #this was the funniest way I could think to do it #I'll make a more serious post about it but this idea has been stewing in my head for a while lol #femboy #trans #transfemme #cw mock transphobia #cw transphobia

[lensinski]

ways anthony should have announced his return to smosh

during the "we invade ian's house video" just... sitting on the couch

walking out on tntl without any warning

part of a ploy on "let's do this!" (preferably scamming people; as ian's snack son or as the person who scolds ian instead of his mum)

being found during hide and seek

the classic roast reveal as the surprise guest at ian's funeral

during the fbi recruitment video, joining in on the run out of nowhere

being a multiple choice answer on "who memed it"

anyway he could walk up behind someone without them seeing him

ian calling him the way angela called for a table at nobu and acting like ian has to 'manipulate' him into coming back

#listen i keep watching videos and imagining funny ways anthony could have just turned up #i think the hide and seek one is the funniest #imagine they find him like under a couch and go... wtf are you doing here??? #smosh #anthony padilla #ian hecox

[skitskatdacat63]

"The Boy With The Thorn in His Side"(x) - The Smiths × 2023 Strollonso moments + pundits' reactions

#baby's first web weave please be kind #frankly i could make a giant masterpost on my opinions on which Smiths songs fit which drivers/ships #i like their music a very healthy amount and I don't spend countless hours daydreaming to it...no.... #but this particular song has been haunting me bcs i think it fits them super well!! #with their relationship dynamics and then the way everyone doubts their relationship #though its been hilarious watching the f1tv commentators kind of resign themselves to 'ah well ig this is what AMR/Fernando is like now' #went from being confused and shocked at their on track comradery to just accepting it for what it is #now theyre like 'ah yes lance dutifully lets fernando pass' compared to the previous ouright disbelief and denial #yeah thats right...theyre in love...what are you gonna do about it... #i think one day itd be fun to make a vid comp of all the times the commentators were ?????? at strollonso's lovey doveyness it is fun TO ME #it was really funny to look through shitty articles for negative comments #but the funniest part is that istg all of the articles just quote this one singular man who is hellbent on being a hater #i am in your walls peter windsor. #i think its silly when they bring in 'f1 experts' for their opinions ona drivers motivations and mindset #they act like such armchair psychologists like bruh your degree is probably engineering or journalism calm down!! #hehehe anyways happy with this!! i wrote it out on paper like a whole ass essay draft to brainstorm what to put #and then i scrolled thru the draft while listening to the song and im just EEEEEEE IT FITSSSSSSS #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #lance stroll #fernando alonso #fa14 #ls18 #1418 #1814 #strollonso #alonstroll #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR. KEVIN PHILLIPS

also, honorable mention to the original script for this scene:

#super dark times #zach taylor #allison bannister #sam edits #they make me feel insaaaaaaaane. its so much. i just. AGH. because i mean obviously it's for the sake of Plot #but just the start of her 'I like Zach and am GONNA date him' agenda seeming to directly coincide with The Daryl Incident is so... tragic #the Zach from a few days earlier—the Zach in the basement giggling about how he likes her—was never the Zach that got to be #the center of her attention this way. but tbh the FUNNIEST explanation for this timing to me is the idea that him shouting 'PENIS' #outside her house while fucking around with Josh was the thing that pushed her to be like 'ok fuck it i want him and im gonna get him' #bc she DID call to invite him to her party that same night. it's unclear if she called before or after but. it def could have been after #also also also: the fact that this scene is the last time they see each other before the. stuff at Meghan's house. they talk on the phone #briefly after (in which she calls him an asshole under her breath because he's calling to ask for what she thinks is another girl's number) #which... much to think about there. especially with the script's original 'she gives up on him' line. agughghghh #(though in the script version they actually do see each other one more time. or. well. she sees him but he doesn't notice her)

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

#ARE THEY STUPID! #dr who #this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao #m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle #until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head #bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such' #cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad. #i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but #first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE #two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her #or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine #Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this #went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING #THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.????? #you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce #ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues' #funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this #absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that #flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system #bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol #tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving #martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2 #if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime #together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth #as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character #shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons #why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings) #if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation #ten and martha #aspec doc tag

[sieglinde-freud]

3ds fire emblem is fun because with the power of hair color you can make anybody siblings even if they really shouldn't ever be

#source: @moshpitjones on tiktok #fire emblem #fe inigo #fe severa #fe shitpost #cordelia/olivia implied?? lmao?? #chromlivia truther til i die but this. this is such a funny family dynamic to me i cant even lie #do NOT talk to me about the shade of red on inigo #i couldnt find a good way to get cordelia’s red on him so i improvised. shut up #this has been in my drafts for like months btw i dont even know if its funny #but i still think them as siblings is one of the funniest pairs you could make in awakening #they steal all the hot water from their moms when they both take 2 hour long showers

[outofcontextfossil]

i know badrien's name is just adrien but how funny would it be if they named him adrian..............................

#WITH AN A!!!! #i think that would be one of the funniest things miraculous could do #THEY COULD EVEN DO A BIT ABOUT IT #the noirs bonding over people spelling their names the other way in private while the bugs are duking it out #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #mlb #adrien #adrien agreste #badrien

[murcielagatito]

un ratito con ti on ao3 | ko-fi

#forgot i can do what i want actually #so heres the full comic #if u follow the link youll see this is a precursor to my fic #i think the funniest thing that could come out of this is the fact that i STILL forgot to correct isle 😭😭😭 #avanine #ava x janine #ava coleman #janine teagues #mi arte #abbott elementary #<- the way my phone already knows 💀 #art

[eldenringle]

I love that from the six seconds of mithrun trailer we've got so far it looks like studio trigger is doing everything in their power to protect mithrun from White Haired Anime Boy Twinkification, it's not gonna save him but I appreciate it

#they made him way less doe eyed #they made his voice DEEP #and made his hair GREY #the funniest thing they could do i think is silver it up after kabru washes it for him #implying the canaries just let him get all dusty #mithrun

[astr0lumina]

100% accurate ultrakill lore

#eyestrain #cw eyestrain #tw eyestrain #flashing #flashing images #flashing warning #cw flashing #tw flashing #gif warning #gif #blingee #my gifs #dont mind the abundance of warning tags i am paranoid and do not wish to cause harm #ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #i think this is the funniest first post i could have ever possibly made #i will post actual art at somepoint but these are way funnier

[vyeoh]

I take it the gay marriage is going well

Neil gaiman supports gay divorce 🎉🏳️‍🌈

#vio.ask #i cant decide if the ending hurts me deeply or if its objectively the funniest possible outcome #probably both #spoilers ahead: #imagine your cut throat boss and your homoerotic bestie's cut throat boss was having a secret affair and then fuck off together to get it o #so you think. huh. we could do that. after all we've know each other for at least 6000ish years more than them. so you work up the guts #and you prepare to lay it all out on the table. but right before you do your bestie tells you that he now has his boss' #job in his absence. which means he can't be with you whoops unless you join his corporation. #so you grab him by the jacket and kiss him in the most aggressive and passionate way ive seen on screen in a long time #and then you break up somehow even thought you never dated. you both want to be with each other. you are both stupid. #meanwhile your former bosses are fucking their way across the galaxy #im in shambles #good omens spoilers

[glitterfop]

Happy Aro Week! The funniest and best way I ever came out as aro was when I was 19 years old.

At the time I thought I might be somewhat open to dating and was exploring a little. I'd hung out once with a guy in a way that might conceivably have been a date, hadn't hated it, decided to go on a second date with him by inviting him to the annual English Department Halloween Party. I, newly out as bisexual and needing to prove myself, went as Sally Seton from Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway. Unfortunately for everyone, the only vaguely appropriate thing I could find to wear was a wedding dress from Goodwill for $20 that I spiced up with accessories. In a fit of foreshadowing so thick I risk being accused of making it up, he went as Jay Gatsby. For the occasion, he had rented an ill-fitting costume tux with too-large pants. It did not at all resemble Jay Gatsby, for it lacked panache and flamboyance.

So there we were: an Interwar-era lesbian in a wedding dress and Jay Gatsby if Jay Gatsby were convincingly heterosexual.

He failed at slow dancing with me (which he initiated), stepped on my dress a lot, got really drunk, attempted to cuddle me as I attempted to subtly flee, and in a final climax of agony, drew me aside, hugged my knees, cried, and told me he was in love with me and thought I was The One. (I am told this is not typical behavior for the second date, but I haven't been on many second dates, so I have no further data to support this hypothesis.)

I, in terror, pulled up the Aromantic page on LGBT Wiki and quietly handed him my phone.

#this remains possibly the funniest thing I've ever done #i wasn't doing it to be funny i was doing it because my fight or fight was fully engaged and it was the only way out i could think of #but goddamn in retrospect what a thing to do #that was the first time i ever came out as aro also #aro #aromantic #aro week #aromantic awareness week #alloaro #cw romance

[inloveanddepth]

love these guys

#i like how cringe they all are. like all of them are flawed & immensely cringe. no one's main is safe #they're cringe in different ways & some more than others but they're all cringe. love it #why are the fans for my two favourite soul fighter champions the autistic-coded ones !! #why are the autistic-coded ones the most unhinged.... #though tbh i think you could make an argument for all 5 of them being autistic 😭 #sommer's homemade jhin cosplay is so cute #they somehow managed to capture the exact brand of weird that jhin fans are. bravo #i think the funniest part about him is that jhin would not be able to stand him lmao #him wearing a shirt with the same art that's on the print he's holding makes me crack up for some reason #obsessed with the jacked yordle named rizz.... she's everything #also can i just say i love the crop top on guy. fantastic creative decision. so many crop tops in soul fighter i love it #kiri is crazy though what do you mean she's literally selling rpf at an event that the people she's writing rpf about are at #her repeatedly trying to get samira to read her fanfiction is kind of hilarious #& then she tells samira she's going to write fanfic about her. which is kiri's way of praising her. she is nuts (affectionate) #the way she keeps casually mentioning pyke totally kills people in this universe & she still adores him #she's the worst kind of fangirl (which is the point. they're all parodies) but it's hard to hate her lol she's so silly #my only issue with her is that she's a jhin hater.... how rude #i know her tumblr game goes crazy #the only character i'm confused by is jade. the lux fangirling felt really forced to me #it's not reflected in her design at all; honestly she looks more like evelynn #especially when riki guy & rizz & sommer are all clearly emulating gwen sett & jhin respectively #plus jade's shtick was more about parodying true crime & political content creators it seemed. the lux stuff felt tacked on #i guess it was because dema is after lux & jade doesn't like dema but it felt over the top at least #on top of the fact that it's pretty hard to make sjw characters actually funny #they should've made a dema bootlicker character tbh. for funzies #i think riot should publish some of kiri's fanfiction on the universe site. wouldn't that be silly #they could do one for each of them! a transcription of one of jade's podcast episodes; guy & rizz's training regimen; a poem from sommer #hope some of them show up in LoR sometime. just for fun #league of legends #soul fighter

[redrockbutch]

The thing I hate the most about Christmas is that it has the simplest, most obvious holiday gimmick ever (give and get presents) but the Christmas Lovers™ just. Refuse to accept that this could possibly be a factor in why people who aren't children like Christmas over other holidays like sorry but you live across the street from your parents I dont believe that you literally only ever see your family But One Day A Year on Christmas, so the whole "I just love being with family uwu" schtick is so fucking transparent just say you like presents!!! Just say it!

"Oh the strange mystical unnameable magic of Christmas..."

Yeah that's presents and enforced Christianity and it's never been mystical or strange

#I have had two people in my life ask me about Christmas traditions with my family when not forced to do so by a questionnaire of some kind #every year everyone I know asks me what I got for Christmas #THE PRIORITIES ARE NOT OBFUSCATED IN ANY WAY #Cassidy.txt #I genuinely and truly would have so much less of a problem with people acting like I'm a serial killer for thinking Christmas is overrated #if they would admit that they like it mainly bc of presents #but instead I'm painted as a hater of humanity bc I think Santa Claus is fucking stupid and pointing out you could do literally every singl #'Christmas activity' whenever you want but you dont. you ignore your parents who live across the street until it's FB photo time. #so I guess there's also a kind of Christmas lover who just likes the social cache floating around this time of year #if it seems like I post about this a lot it's because everyone ignores it whenever I have brought it up interpersonally in any way :) #if you dont like Christmas you get social ostracization #FROM ADULTS? #You asked if I'm excited for Christmas and just said 'not really' and then we dont talk for three days #it's just a fucking day you could give people presents and do stuff together whenever you wanted! #put down the hallmark channel. it's just a fucking day like any other. you give everything your own meaning and I find none in it and #that takes nothing from anyone!!!! #I will say the funniest thing is hearing people describe why they like Christmas #and realizing they're just describing having time off of work #yes they're anti union they always are 🫶