#thorin is an asshole

[a-sneaky-bagginses]

I NEED more fics that include Bilbo complaining to the rest of the company about how "Thorin just bats his pretty blue eyes and everyone just falls to their knees! Well,- ! I, for one, will not be persuaded so easily! And he can go- !" and rants in the same vein, of how just because Thorin is hot, he thinks he can get away with whatever. Meanwhile the rest of the company are like "??? But Thorin's ugly???" Bilbo never hears this and they've all agreed to just leave him to his delusions

#cue Thorin being shocked embarrassed and unresponsive upon overhearing these rants for the first time #how dare you #thorin is arrogant because he's an asshole not because he's hot #bagginshield #thilbo #bilbo/thorin #thorin/bilbo #bilbo x thorin #thorin x bilbo #the hobbit #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield

[edwardallenpoe]

another bagginshield story idea because the writers block is still kicking my ass but I need to write it down.

What if Bilbo lies about his and Thorin's relationship and tells whoever asks that they're partners. HERE ME OUT! I know this sounds shitty BUT

What if he does it so that people can leave him alone. Or to get discounts/tax benefits (however taxes work in Middle Earth/The Shire). What if he uses his Scary Boyfriend Privileges. What if people already assumed they were together and he was too exchausted with Everything to correct anybody and at some point after wearing the mithril armor everyday and having braids Thorin put in and doing traditionay hobbity and Dwarvish courting customs he's says "fuck it we practically are at this point" lmao. Like they share food and spar together and both of them have continually refused marriage proposals and Bilbo's like "well if he doesn't know we're married then sucks to be him" about Thorin.

WAIT BETTER IDEA HIT WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS

BOTH of these cringefail losers lie. :00 Imagine: after months of living in Erebor and doing traditionally Dwarvish courting customs and Bilbo keeps being badgered about it he lies and tells people he's courting Thorin. And also uses this as a way to keep potential suitors from marrying Thorin. He's intercepting letters from suitors and being like "oh whoops sorry news must travel slow to Ered Luin but Thorin is already engaged:(( yep I know. Welp. Good day."

Then. For some reason both he and Thorin travel back to The Shire right. They're staying there for a month or two. rumors obviously start about why and where Bilbo had left. And while they're there they do traditionally hobbity courting customs and so nosy cousin's and neighbirs start badgering Thorin about their relationship and their adventure and Thorin's just like "yeah we got married back in Erebor. Yep right after he slayed a dragon. Yeah he was too cool to not marry. Yep."

And so someone like random like Drogo Gamgee or smt mentions what Thorin's been talking about to Bilbo and a dwarf from Ered Luin sends Thorin a raven and they both find out what the other was saying behind each other's backs and make out so hard Mordor explodes. Or something.

Idk it is like. 5:30 am rn. I had maybe an hour of sleep before I woke up in a cold sweat to write this down and read @/conkers-thecosy fanfics. You're welcome.

#bagginshield #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #bagginshield fanfic #thilbo #the shire #erebor #the hobbit #fanfic writing #I think I'm! Going insane! #Don't be sad. Bilbo and Thorin being sneaky assholes because they're cringefail losers ok? #I love them. #screeching

[trashcancalicojack]

Bilbo: We don't want any trouble

Nori, under his breath: I do

#underrated friendship goals #sarcastic assholes #the hobbit #hobbit #thorin company #bilbo baggins #nori

[thranduilofsmirkwood]

Four of my favorites from last year:

#théoden #gollum #thorin #fili and kili #haldir #sauron #boromir #bilbo #bard #those we lost #lotr + the onion headlines #the hobbit + the onion headlines #the onion headlines #john noble #denethor #denethor is an asshole #seige at helm's deep #catapult #trolls

[meadowsofmay]

today my emoticonal coping mechanism stumbled me upon thinking about middle earth's father figures, found fathers and real fathers. me, who have always wanted my father back to my family which was not possible due to my parents splitting and who could only see him at weekends because of work and school, is thinking about elrond and thranduil and bard and thorin and theoden and even aragorn and boromir who clearly became father/uncle figures for hobbits. i am thinking about them.

about elrond who went through so much and yet, he raised elladan and elrohir into great and proud, stong elves, who cared for estel even though he was his adopted son and was ready to sacrifice alot for his only daughter. he just wanted a happy family, he wanted to protect them all under the roof of the last homely house but wasn't able as they all picked their own fates.

about thranduil who really wanted to protect his son after losing every other dear to his heart in the battle. but he got so overwhelmed with the grief that he almost lost legolas in the worst way possible — he lost the trust his son had in him as in his parent.

i am thinking about bard who raised his daughters and a son alone in the cold, damp town, carrying a burden of a failed hero in the heart and people's hero on the face. but all he ever wanted is to keep his children in his arms safe and sound.

and about thorin who became fili and kili's big, strong, role model father-figure that they looked up to and followed almost blindly because they believed in what thorin believed. they wanted to stand on the same ground thorin stood. they wanted to be by his side when thorin achieved what he set his mind to because thorin raised them well. he raised them as warriors and good, proud dwarves. even in the exile they should have known that they are powerful and thorin did his best to implant that.

about theoden too — who lost his son but still kept love for his nephew and niece. he fostered them under his wing, trusted them unconditionally and these kids loved him to the ends of the earth. he was ready to give eowyn the throne — she was ready to sacrifice herself to protect him in battle. they were one of the biggest joys to his heart. they loved him.

boromir got to experience what it is like to be a father he and his younger brother never had — he watched for years as his father was picking favourites and being dishearteningly rude towards the one he loved the most in this world. boromir saw these young, small, unprepared for war hobbits and wanted to give them at least a piece of good memory from the trip that was about to become terrible and fateful.

and aragorn. sweet, soft-spoken, kind aragorn who was raised by elves and had a heart of a human. he was such a protective, caring character — the way he treated frodo like he is his son that aragorn wanted to save from the burden, — i was convinced from the moment he started talking he is going to be an amazing father one day. i fucking trusted him.

i am thinking about them tonight. it's not a good night but these thoughts help to get through.

#middle earth fathers are my fathers now #they bring me comfort #unconditional comfort #i feel safe thinking about them #not all of them are greath (cough denethor) but we don't talk about assholes #because i miss my father and they help me cope #elrond peredhel #thranduil oropherion #bard the bowman #thorin oakenshield #theoden #boromir #aragorn son of arathorn #elladan #elrohir #estel #arwen #legolas #fili #kili #eomer #eowyn #lord of the rings #the hobbit #it's just one of those nights #may thinks thoughts

[capisback]

watching adaptations of books can be a very tense experience because even if they did it well, they are bound to change things because of the nature of adaptations and you're not always going to agree with what they did. the number of times I've gone "from a storytelling standpoint, I can completely understand why they changed it, I'm just not sure I agree with the changes" is crazy

#lotr #hobbit #ohh hobbit movies #got me into the hobbit and I enjoy the book more now #like. i get *why* they changed stuff. #I totally do get it. and some changes are honestly not bad #but there's also just. so much character lost that they tried to fill up in other ways that it drives me crazy #particularly bilbo because bilbo is blorbo from my adventure #they made him such a wet nervous blanket but this man is insane and I love him for that #they could have made new conflict around that but they didn't for some reason #they decided to make thorin an asshole instead #like don't get me wrong it's not *entirely* bad or anything but I really enjoy that book thorin is obviously very kingly #I honestly understand the addition of Azog the most especially if they *had* to make 3 movies #but bro the spacing of the story between these 3 movies is so bad #okay shutting up now #in lotr it's mostly frodo and boromir's characters I have an issue with so far #will update if more #cap talks

[themoonking]

i don’t have a frothing hate for the hobbit movies or anything but it’s so annoying that while yes, a lot of the characters weren’t really fleshed out in the book, instead of taking what personality they did have and expanding on that, they just completely rewrote them so that the movies could be more like the lotr films

#give me kind of a jerk loves the sound of his own voice thorin or give me death #and like again i don't think they're good adaptations of jirt's works or even particularly good movies #but i can appreciate them for what they are #i can like these characters even if they aren't really the characters of the hobbit #but like the wasted potential!!! i could write a better film adaptation fr!!!!! #pj what were you on we KNOW that you're CAPABLE of adapting jirt because you already did it so slayly ten years prior!!!1 #sorry guys im on my yearly tolkien kick so its all thats on the mind rn #i speak #tolkien tag #the hobbit #the boromirification of thorin and the aragornification of bard makes my heart hurt. rip loser thorin and loser bard #and thranduil babygirl im so sorry they made u an asshole miss u lots </3

[ratsonas]

not to have a #fandom moment or i guess anti fandom but why on earth do people ship bilbo baggins and thorin oakenshield. like i watched the hobbit movies (still making my way thru the book) and they have zero romantic chemistry. why do shipping poisoned bitches look at any two men and decide they have to fuck. ugh

#thorin was a major fucking asshole the entire trilogy and yeah they bonded and were on good terms at the end but like. where does anyone #find romantic context in that. fucking ugh.

[estethell]

In the scene in the cave where Bilbo talks to Bofur because he wants to go home, Thorin opens his eyes and listens to Bilbo's words. I'm sure Thorin realized in that moment that he was a complete asshole to Bilbo and regrets it!

#the hobbit #lotr #tolkien #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #bofur #bagginshield

[just-a-little-cellist]

incorrect middle earth starring y/n #14

Y/N: :) Thorin: You are too good for this world. Y/N: :D Thorin: but that's okay Thorin: I'll be an asshole for the both of us

#incorrect quotes #the hobbit #the hobbit x reader #thorin oakenshield #the hobbit imagine #the hobbit incorrect quotes #thorin x you #thorin imagine #thorin x reader

[a-sneaky-bagginses]

Dwalin: "Thought ye were avoidin' this route to escape the hobbit's wrath"

Thorin: "It's been 2 days, I'm sure he's over it by now"

Bilbo: "Oh look, if it isn't the asshole under the mountain in his idiot hat"

Dwalin, whispering: "I think he's still mad"

#bagginshield #the hobbit #the hobbit trilogy #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #thorin x bilbo #thilbo #thorin/bilbo #bilbo x thorin #Dwalin #incorrect hobbit quotes

[dael1n]

I decided to make a modern au! According to the Hobbit! (events BEFORE the quest in the canon) Thorin Durin, 39 years old, (6.2 ft) is trying to get his family's business back. Dis Durin, 32 years old, (6,4 ft) businesswoman with two children Fili Durin, 7 years old, is a fan of Iron Man Kili Durin, 5 years old, doesn't know what Marvel is, but he likes the star on Captain America's shield

Balin Durin, 31 years old, (5.8 ft) history teacher at the university Bilbo Baggins, 31, (5,5 ft) a biology teacher at the university, has his own greenhouse and a small flower shop that he inherited from his mother (the Gamgee family works for him there)

Dwalin Durin, 26 years old (6.6 ft) As a child, he was in an accident with many of the Durin family, left a scar on his eye, which is why he sees poorly. It did not hurt to serve in the army, I have been to places of increased military danger. (before that, he was severely depressed due to the loss of his parents and best friend, now he is trying to re-learn how to live in order to be a a worthy guardian to two little assholes

#hobbit #the hobbit #modern au #thorin oakenshield #thorin x bilbo #lady dis #fili durin #kili durin #fili and kili #Balin #bilbo baggins #dwalin #tolkien dwarves

[mlmxreader]

Good To Be King | Thorin Oakenshield x gn!reader (🍋)

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ Thorin

6 “You’re my home, no matter where we are”

17 “I have loved you every day, and I won’t stop now”

123. Hair pulling ❞

: ̗̀➛ You and Thorin finally have time to be together for the night.

: ̗̀➛ spanking, bondage/tied up, cockdrunk, praise kink, hair pulling, dom/sub, brief mentions of cockwarming & strangulation

↳ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

You were tied to the headboard, your ass in the air and your wrists bound so that your face pressed against the pillow, squirming as you panted heavily, waiting for Thorin to finally give you what you wanted after hours of terrible teasing and torture.

A firm slap was delivered to your ass, making you yelp as you harshly bit down on your bottom lip, pushing back in a vain attempt to gain any friction whatsoever.

Sweat budding on your brow and covering your entire body with a thin sheen; your skin seemed to glitter in the candlelight, glistening.

You were aching for him, your asshole clenching as you thought about finally having his cock again; already able to picture how it would stretch you out so much, so thick and so long that you still wondered how you could take him at all.

Another firm smack to your ass made you shiver, feeling his calloused and warm hands gently run down to your thigh, gripping it tightly, almost bruising the soft flesh with harsh fingertips.

You needed him, squirming as you chewed more at your lip, pulling the flesh from it until you could taste copper on your tongue.

"Thorin, please," you breathed out, voice hoarse and raw. "Please fuck me already. Please."

Thorin smiled, kneeling behind you and putting his hand between your shoulders as he hummed softly. "If I go too far, what do you do?"

"Call out blacksmith," you started, "and tug three times in a row at the restraints."

"Well done," he praised, his voice so much more gentle than his hands. "Good."

"Now, please," you all but whimpered. "Please, fuck me, my King."

He paused, lining himself up before gently thrusting into you. Giving you time to adjust to his length and girth; he let you make the first move, pushing back against him and letting out a long, breathy moan.

Thorin trusted you enough to be a little less strict, planting his hands either side of your head as he snapped his hips.

Your asshole was so tight around him, he filled you almost completely, enough to make you press your face into the pillows as you moaned a little louder. Rolling your hips and easily keeping up with his rhythm.

Thankful that you could finally fucking have sex.

After being surrounded by his kin for so long, never able to get away long enough for even a quickie or some oral, you couldn't deny that you were pent up; frustrated and in utter agony.

You used to have sex at least twice a day, and it felt unfair that you had to wait months. But good things came to those who waited, and now you were bound to a strange bed as Thorin fucked you like he used to; after managing to slip away from the others, you and Thorin had stumbled upon a farmhouse with a room to rent.

With the inhabitants gone for the night, you seemed to have all the time in the world for each other.

He rutted into you, grabbing the back of your neck as he picked up the pace of his movements.

His cock felt so good, filling your ass and stretching it so fucking well; drool slipping from your mouth as you rocked back and forth, eagerly taking the pounding as you felt his other hand wander. Landing on yours as he entwined his fingers with yours.

The slapping of skin mixed and mingled with breathy moans and short, sharp praises; a well-known and rehearsed melody from an all too eager and willing orchestra.

The strings of the violins were tugged every time Thorin gripped you a little harder, knowing all too well that you would have bruises where his fingertips dug into your flesh.

You did your best not to fall out of line and ruin the melody, desperate to keep up with him as much as you could. Needing to keep up with him.

Your breath heavy as a puddle of drool formed under your chin, your tongue lolling from your mouth; incoherent noises coming from the back of your throat as you lost focus of everything else but the feeling of him pounding into you.

Even when Thorin paused to knock your thighs apart gently, you still fucked yourself against him; completely and utterly undone for him, drunk from the feeling of his cock and wanting nothing else. Fuck.

He was so good to you, always treating you exactly the way you wanted; always giving you everything you wanted when you wanted it.

Thorin was never shy about it, never thought twice; if you wanted to be his cocksleeve and cockwarm him as you slept, he was all too happy to oblige.

You were his spouse from the forest; their royal highness of the woodlands and the ruler over all of its trees and deer. The lordship over the foxes and the deer. Their majesty in his bed.

The empré of his desires. The Prime over everything he held dear. His monarch.

Anything you wanted, from his hand around your throat and his cock buried in your ass through to his hand in your own and the softest of his kisses, was always yours.

You knew that you were getting close, though, your ass clamping down and clenching around his cock as you whimpered and whined his name incoherently; the letters didn't form properly, just a string of syllables that made no sense leaving you as your legs started to shake, freezing in place as your eyes rolled into the back of your head and your toes curled.

Thorin didn't stop, coaxing you through finishing until he froze, his cum filling your tight ass as he let out soft, breathy praises. His voice faltering as he grunted and let go of you.

His hands shook as he undone your bindings, smiling as he sat beside you and pulled you onto his lap; his touch was so gentle as he traced your throat, admiring your features in the dim lights for a moment.

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly, tenderly.

You nodded, swallowing thickly in a vain attempt to capture your breath. "I'm good."

Thorin nodded, softly pulling you down so that he could kiss you; he slipped his tongue between your lips as you tugged at his hair, making him grunt as he pushed his hips up against you. Another tug, and he pulled away, laughing softly.

"Already waiting for round two?"

You gave his hair another tug, grinning as you nodded. "I can't help it. I haven't... haven't had your cock in so long... I missed it."

"Give me five minutes," Thorin said gently, taking a quick look outside the window. "Do you think they're alright?"

You nodded, kissing his neck softly. "You worry too much, y’know. You always have."

He smiled, putting his hands between your shoulders as he coaxed you closer. "I can't help it... we lost our home."

"I didn't," you hummed, pushing yourself up and daring to rub the tip of your nose against his. "You're my home, no matter where we are - I'm always home."

He nodded, sighing heavily. "You know, I have loved you every day, and I won't stop now, but... wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to rent rooms all the time just for some privacy?"

"It's temporary," you pointed out, moving to kneel between his legs. "Besides, we've got one night - and I intend to service my king as much as I can."

#mlem writes #thorin oakenshield x reader #thorin oakenshield x you #thorin oakenshield imagine #thorin oakenshield fanfiction #thorin oakenshield fic #thorin oakenshield #thorin x reader #thorin x you #thorin x y/n #thorin imagine #thorin fic #thorin fanfiction #thorin smut #lotr x yn #lotr x y/n #lotr x you #lotr imagine #lotr fic #lotr fanfiction #lotr fanfic #lotr smut #lotr #lord of the rings x you #lord of the rings x reader #lord of the rings imagine #lord of the rings fanfiction #lord of the rings fic #lord of the rings smut #lord of the rings

[thorinsghivashel]

Do you realise how much Thorin has changed because of Bilbo to the end of the BOTFA? Like he was a stubborn, jerk, not trusting anyone and nothing (I dont blame him he was through so much the last 100 years) and suddenly this sunshine hobbit Bilbo Baggins shows in his life to show him that it's ok to be kind, to have a home, and to fight for it. Like if he had more time if he wasn't killed he would probably learn even more while ruling as a King cuz of course he has a softer side. Which obviously shows up on the Carrock. That's the real Thorin! The Thorin that wasn't traumatised from his past, the dragon invasion, Thranduil's betrayal, the exile, the starting a new life in Ered Luin, losing half of his family, Father,Grand-Father, Frerin, Dis being pregnant at time with Fili and later with Kili who had just lost their father, Azanulbizar, and many many more until Gandalf and Bilbo and the rest of the company showed up in his life to show him what he had forgotten for years of trauma. He had to be a Leader, a ruler, a father and a Warrior, a brother, and for that it's necessary to become an asshole strict,stubborn, and commanding to survive and to help his family...until Bilbo Baggins shows him his better side...a better way of life.

What he appears being in the first time is all just a mask. You know why? a dwarf who plays a such a delicate instrument like a Harp, who likes singing and spending sleepless nights beneath the Moonlight, alone...is not a jerk. He is a romantic, passionate soul buried deep in himself. (I think that's also what Bilbo saw when he sang in Bag End, besides a motivating song for adventures)

#the hobbit #lotr #thorin #lord of the rings #richard armitage #thorin oakenshield

[entishramblings]

Tolkien Characters as things my extended family and I have said on our annual five day bender (pt. 1)

Aragorn: Anything that wants my blood bothers me.

Kili: No cousin wants to see their cousin’s friend’s dick and balls!!!

Legolas: You cannot mount the lama. I’m sorry. You cannnot do it.

Boromir: What is that? Your ass peircing??

Denethor: MINECRAFT. THEY ARE SITTING ON THE PORCH BEING CRIMINALS. M I N E C R A F T.

Samwise: Google potatoes.

Fili: And then she had this unwashed asshole and she wanted him to eat her ass because she really wanted him to eat it, but he never did.

Thranduil: I threw shit at my children. White claws. Dirt. Children.

Merry, seeing Pippin pour beer on his foot: That’s alcohol abuse.

Bombur: I’m a big fan of beans.

Bofur: I’ve got a mattress. I can pretend that someone is under me….and on top of me.

Kili: *rushes Fili into his room* I need to tell you about my bagalini addiction. *pulls out 5 different bags* “You can’t tell Thorin!”

Dwalin, looking at Bilbo: He’s a concerning kind of weird.

Gimli: Hey! ASSHOLE! Come join your friends over there. There’s some sort of orgy happening.

Samwise, spraying an insect eating his plants: fuuuuuuccck youuuuuuuuu

Kili: Uncle Thorin poked me in the butthole.

Gimli, to Gandalf: You look like you have been antiqued.

Frodo: I feel like a shriveled up shrimp.

more parts coming soon!

#lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #Tolkien #tolkien character #incorrect tolkien #incorrect lotr #incorrect the hobbit #lotr incorrect quotes #the hobbit incorrect quotes #lord of the rings incorrect quotes #lotr memes #LOTR meme #lotr shitpost #LOTR shitposts #LOTR funny #lotr humor #tolkien incorrect quotes #Aragorn #Kili #Legolas #boromir #denethor #samwise #sam gamgee #Fili #bombur #bofur #gimli #frodo

[ragsweas]

Sunday Hobbit Prompts

HOBBIT 911 AU!!!!!

Bilbo joins firefighting station 118 with only one idea in mind- give his nephew Frodo a safe enviornmemt after losing his entire family.

What he did not count on was the Firefighter family. Thorin, a grumpy asshole who seems jealous of him. Dis, the paramedic who is intrigued by his presence. Bofur, a bubbly joker who immediately takes him in. And Balin, the station head.

Tangled in emergencies and police and 911 responders, Bilbo finds something he only wanted for his boy.

A family.

#this is me just wanting a crossover #because why tf not #hobbit prompts #the hobbit #bagginshield #hobbit #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #911