@jeoseungsaja sent in: things you said when fear cut deep (THG verse? 👀) || when the unspoken is named ( things you said prompt. )
13. things you said when fear cut deep
What was the point of two years ago?
He rushes past the receding crowd, past the faces of shaken children dressed in their evening best clothing. Some will be going to the red bean pastry booth by the entrance of the reaping. Some will linger at the edge of the square. Some will return to the safety of their parents’ arms. All are safe from the Capitol for another year. It’s a luxury that, even after winning the games, he’ll never have again.
There’s a stone anchored in his stomach, which is ironic considering that his head feels light. Dizzying as if someone has filled his lungs with smoke.
I won the Games. I survived their game.
His bag is slung loosely over his shoulder. He learned that the lighter he packs, the better- the less of District Three, the less of him the Capitol will find out and if there is one thing Patrick knows about the Capitol, it’s that they will take, take, and take until there is nothing left to take from, like a towel wrung of all the water it can hold. Ignoring the shouting from the head peacekeeper and the mayor of their district ( both of whom, he can’t help but wonder if they played any role in the selection this year- ), he slips past the peacekeeper guarding the room farthest down the hall.
It was the room he had been taken to when he volunteered for the games- Patrick never thought he’d see the inside of it again.
Fingers trembling, he grasps the doorknob. The rusted brass scrapes his right palm.
I did it so he wouldn’t have to.
Ambrosia’s voice keeps echoing in his head- the way that cloying voice called for Lee Hyuk and the way the silence in the following moments rang so clearly in tandem with his own silent screaming for someone to volunteer, it could have been even louder than Ambrosia’s voice.
And he never thought his dear friend would either.
He’s not going to make it.
He opens the door.
Inside, Patrick finds Hyuk pacing. Where are the other people, he wants to ask- where are Mister and Missus Nam? He would have thought they would be one of the few, if perhaps the only two who would want to say goodbye…it’s a stark contrast to the female tribute whom from what Patrick observed in passing, to have quite a few people coming in and out of her room. She’s lucky in that sense- knowing she has a family. Knowing that she is loved.
But Hyuk-
His hands are shoved inside his pockets. From afar, Hyuk looks no different than usual, a solitary figure with a permanent frown etched onto his face- they always said that if he smiled more he could actually be considered handsome. Hyuk would always snap back saying to mind their own business. It’s Hyuk’s default, showing a stony resolve in the face of adversity-
But Patrick knows, knows his friend better than anyone else. Knows from the pallor on his face, from the way he can’t sit still otherwise he never move again, to the way his jaw is set even tighter than usual-
For a moment, Patrick stares at him. He opens his mouth- what does he say here? How does he help his best friend who is about to be carted off to the Capitol as cattle?
Patrick closes his mouth. He can’t. But he swallows the lump into his throat and without warning, tackles Hyuk in a hug.
I failed.
He tucks his face into the crook of his dear friend’s neck as his hands grip the back of his button down for dear life. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to calm the shaky breaths that come out. This is all Patrick is going to take. One moment of despair, of selfishness and then it’s all about Hyuk.
Patrick looks up and rests his hands on his dear friend’s shoulders.
“You’re not going to die,” Patrick says finally. “Not if I’m here.”
His fingers dig into Hyuk’s shirt. He doesn’t know who he said that for- for Hyuk or himself. That Hyuk is still here. That the Capitol hasn’t made a feast of him yet. No Hyuk is still here right now. They may have been given the worst cards, but the round hasn’t started yet. If played well, Hyuk might just make it through.
“I’m going to be your mentor; I know a few people in the Capitol- I-I’m sure if I convince them, they’ll sponsor you. They’ll give you the supplies you’ll need to survive in the arena. You’re strong and you know how to fight- they’ll back someone who they think has a chance of winning. We just need to make sure you leave a strong impression. I’ll teach you everything you need to know about the Games. I know it’ll look like the odds are against you, but, but-” A shaky breath. The 54th Victor of the Hunger Games blinks, rapidly.
I don’t want you to die.
“We’ll get through this together. I promise, Hyuk-ah. We…you-“ He pulls Hyuk into another tight desperate hug. “You’re going to be okay; I’ll make sure of it.”
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From you, For him
| Part 2 of At him, For him
Note ₊˚⊹♡ : Normal like no curse and stuff AU where Gojo is in love with Geto’s lover but this time he has the chance to change everything. This contains time travel!
I wrote it in a way you can understand what’s happening even if your don’t read part 1 btw
·:*¨༺ Part 1 ༻¨*:·
Gojo Satoru feels as if he can’t breathe.
He inhales. His chest hurts and he has a horrible attempt at keeping his glazing eyes in check as he fakes a smile and claps his hands together; there was a blur silhouette of Geto and you in a distance in tears ,both wearing matching rings.
“Woah—! Congratulations you two.” Shoko smiles wildly as she brings her hands close to her mouth,cheering. She briefly turns to Gojo and looks back at the couple. “Keep it together,Gojo… you’ve done that for years so why bother showing it now.”
Gojo lets out a laugh. “How cruel…” of course Shoko knows he has had this unrequited love for years. He breathes out. “I’ll head out for a second.”
Shoko nods as she reaches out and puts a cigarette and lighter in his pocket. He mutters a ‘thanks’ as he opens the door, cold breeze immediately greeting him. He breaths in again as his hands search for warmth in his pockets, turning to the alleyway.
Once when he is secluded, he brings out the piece of cigarette Shoko handed him earlier as he places it in between his lips, his hands bringing up the lighter with one on the lighter as the other hand wraps to protect the small flame.
He did not smoke often—more like he didn’t even the last last time he did. Gojo sucks in a breath, his throat feels hot but his chest is lighter, no-he remembers smoking back in high school simply because of Shoko and Geto. His only two friends would leave him for smoke breaks and he didn’t want to be left alone so he simply picked up the habit.
Gojo quit after he met you since he didn’t feel the need to tag along Geto and Shoko anymore.
Somewhere in between college,meeting you and now, he didn’t seem to care anymore.
“Hey kid.”
“Fuck!” Gojo jumps, his teeth biting into the cigarette as his eyes glare sharply in the direction of the sound. A man sits along the far end of the alley way, away from him.
The white haired man contains his jumped heartbeat as he walks over the man who called him over. His eyes trail the dress he wore; it was a traditional dark piece of clothing and beads around his hand. This man was cosplaying as a Priest.
He didn’t say the word ‘cosplay’ lightly because first, to begin with, the man in front had a ‘magic ball’ in front of him as if he was waiting for people to share their future and second, he wasn’t too serious because boy—! That monk had thick hair on his head, not the shaven look you’d normally see.
Gojo met scammers; near the shopping center, outside popular restaurant and tourist attractions, by his house ringing on his doorbell and right now, infront of him.
“What‘cha gonna tell me,old man.” Gojo says as he peers in, with also taking in a puff of smoke. “That I’ll be having a wife and two kids in my 30s… If it’s not that, it means one of you is lying.” By ‘one of you‘ refers to the scammer-I mean fortune teller he let in his house because he was bored.
“Hahaha-! That’s not it.” The man laughs as he faces Gojo directly, it was then when he finally notices a stitch mark which stretches across his forehead. “Just wondering if you’d ever regretted things… ‘things’ which you wished you could go back and change..”
Gojo laughs as he drops the half-piece of cigarette on the ground, stomping on it. No long interested. “Of course. I still wish I could go back in time and not erase my answers because my teacher made all the answers to the MCQ ‘c’ just when I didn’t study.”
Fuck—just why did Yaga REALLY do that? Gojo thinks back at the thought.
“That’s what I like to hear.” Gojo turns when he hears the man speak.
The man stands close—very close to him as his hands were making a V-sign (a peace sign) , fingers pointed near his eyes before the old man was stabbed into his eyes.
“Oh my god— shit! That hurt, old man.” Gojo places his hands on his eyes as he tries to soothe the pain from it. “What are you trying to do—huh…?”
He blinks once.
Twice.
He takes a deep breath. ‘It’s fine.’ He thinks to himself. ‘I’ve just lost my mind a tiny bit because y/n and Suguru are getting married.’
Gojo let out the breath and opened his eyes. Same scene. He was by a tree, near a building; he remembered this place being behind the building for the Class 1-3 who were studying the normal curriculum whereas advanced classes of class 4-5 students were in another building.
“What the actual heck is happening?” Gojo grumbles as he looks at the calendar on his phone. He was back in high school. He was sent back in time by about 7 years. “Fuck… I guess that man wasn’t a quack….”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
“That’s why I need you to help.” You wiggled your toes in your shoes as you stand, smiling. The teacher,Yaga Masamichi, was in front of you, sitting on his chair as he continued to talk- maybe complain would be a better word- about a certain boy from the advanced class. “The boy is smart but he lacks discipline! He needs someone as hardworking as you and maybe it’ll rub on to him.”
You’ve heard of Gojo Satoru. You’ve never seen him but he was very infamous in high school . First, for being the son of the Gojo Estate. Two, for being a very tall, conventionally attractive boy. Third, for being a delinquent.
And that last part bothers you a lot, you’ve heard him get into fights, rumors of him smoking along the alleyway, ripping love letters into pieces and recently he skipped over all his tests making him fail his mid-terms.
You gulp. Hope he doesn’t beat you up…
Just then the door to the staff room slides open. You see enter, he was tall with white hair and lashes and the eyes in the most beautiful shade. No way this was Gojo right? He was so— beautiful.
Did he just make eye contact with you?
“Gojo come here.” Yaga calls out as he huffs. Gojo clears his throat as he walks to the teacher. When he was close enough Yaga continued. “This is y/n and I’m assigned to be your teacher. She’ll make sure you get all your works done plus make you study for the reassessment for the exam you skipped on.”
You watch Gojo who was towering beside you raise his hands and brought it up to his face, but from the angle you see the upward turn on the corner of his lips. Why was he smiling?
“Isn’t this -he points at you- from the normal department?” You huff when you were referred to as ‘this’. “You sure she is smart?”
“Don’t mess with y/n just because she isn’t from the advanced class— And also! In the last exam she was placed third overall , right below Suguru.” Yaga shouted back.
Your eyes trail back to him when the boy beside you seemed to still, You’ve heard of Geto Suguru too. Apparently a boy from the advanced class who was also popular for his good looks. But not only that— he had a delicate aura around him which makes people like him and to add on he was very much academically smart.
Gojo lets out a breath, as if it were more of an amazement in your opinion. You watch him take a small step back as he turns around and gives you a smile, god was unfair when he crafted this smile. “Then please take care of me, my tutor.” His face was close to yours.
‘My.’ You face almost burst with heat.
“Gojo stop bothering y/n.”
“Ouch—! That hurt sensei.”
Ever since then, once you hear the bell ring indicating school was over for the day, there would be Gojo poking his head into your class with a boyish grin plastered on his face, he takes your book-filled bag, slings it over his shoulder as you guys would walk to the library.
He sometimes passes by your classroom which is in the opposite building whenever he wants to go to the restroom in between classes—I mean he never did specify which restroom, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.
And when he does, his gaze flickered towards you, taking in the way your gaze reflected the warm sun from outside.It becomes clear to Gojo then that even now, despite everything—in between ever but of confusion, anger and guilt, he doesn't actually want to lose you. To his best friend. To anyone else.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Warm.
The way the curtains fluttered from the gentle wind, letting in a cool breeze and a glow of the evening sun and you. You sitting not even an arm's length away and just like the pace of his heart which picked up, pushing every worry he could still have further and further away because there was no space for those in that moment.
There was just you. And he could feel your presence a lot closer now, her warmth not far away from him.
God, you were beautiful.
So beautiful, he would not mind spending the rest of his life memorizing each feature belonging of yours.
“Stop staring at me.” You let down the pen you were holding, looking away from your homework.
“I can’t stop.” He admitted.
You huff, the smirk on Gojo widened as he could see a faint color rush to your cheeks. “Just do your work…” you wave him off as you grumble.
“I’m already done,love.” He continues his teasing.
You pink as you let out a small shriek at the nickname; you rush close to him as you cover your hands on his mouth. “Shut up—Gojo, I don’t want to be murdered by your fangirls because of this.”
He pecks your hands by pursing his lips forward, into the palm of your hands making you shriek once more pulling away.
“Gojo!” You glare at him as you reach your hands out and comically wipe your hands on his blazer as he laughs at your reaction. He leans forward as he looks at your books. “What’s this?” He asks.
“Ah…” you say as you bring out a book closer to him. “I’m studying for my entrance exam for this university.”
“Already?” But that’s like months away.
“Yeah.” Your voice is laced with a smile, gojo almost sees shining glitters surrounding you. “It’s like… kind of my dream as a kid to go here.”
Gojo laughs at how adorable you sounded. “Why that university though?”
“My parents-“ you turn almost too quickly to face him but then you stop yourself as you clear your throat. “My parents went there and that’s how they met and fell in love.”
“Ah…” Just like you and Geto… His heart pains again as he is reminded.
You bend down as you lean your head on the table, letting out a sigh with your hands on your sides. “I hope I get in though…”
“You will.” He says confidently. He knows you will. “Nerds like you will get in.”
“Gojo, I’m not a nerd.”
“Whatever you say, princess.”
“I’m not princess either!”
“Sure thing, love.”
“Oh— Gojo,stop that!”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
“I need you to be serious, Satoru!”
He listens to you shout, even without turning to your direction he could basically sense you ‘huffing and puffing’, a habit you took till adulthood. He reaches out into the bushes, pushing the leaves away. “I am—! Sheesh, let me breathe.” Gojo laughs.
You two were currently near the patch of grass by the football ground; you had lost your key to the music club room—a room which was basically unused but you guys needed a room so you two can continue on with your study lessons.
You bend to look over the bushes while Gojo does around the bushes checking every shrub. “Oh lucky— someone’s cigarette and lighter is hidden here.” His smile widens as he reaches out for the gift, someone had kept here. “Satoru, don’t steal others' stash.” He puts it down upon hearing your words.
“So this where you go after classes,Satoru?”
He knew it was inevitable but he hoped he could extend it for as long as he could.
In front of him, holding a key was Geto Suguru, smiling at him with Shoko, a lollipop in her mouth peers over from beside him. “What you doing?”
Geto throws him the key at him which is catches instantly.He wanted the two of his friends meet you but he selfishly hoped it would be after like maybe, after you and Gojo date. Wow—what an optimistic! Gojo gulps, afterall what would he do if the two of you fall in love again?
“You found it!” You jump, unaware that the two figures were his friends. You turn your head to look at him, at him. Despite Geto Suguru standing near you, you looked at Gojo. The white haired boy’s heart pulsed, the slow and steady pump now erratic and heavy with emotions. Just you looking at him with a smile, at him like he was the only one on the planet m. For the first time.
“Who is this?” Shoko says as walks to to the bush and sticks her hands in. You laugh. “That cigarette was yours?” Shoko nods.
“This… this is y/n.” Gojo grumbles, speaking low. “She is helping me with my reassessment.”
“That’s what you get for skipping assignments and test.” Shoko teases.
Geto laughs.
Gojo eyes at your reaction and sighs in relief when you were still acting the same. Thank god, there was nothing of that ‘love at first sight’ going on. “I don’t need to take those test.Even Yaga knows I’m smart.”
Your roll your eyes. “I guess we won’t have those study sessions of now on, Gojo.”
“Wha— no! I need it.” Gojo jumps, as he comically starts shaking you, as if he got the most shocking news of the century. “No- nope! You can’t do that. I need you—!”
“Geto, let’s get going now.” She turns. Shoko looks over to Gojo, they make eye contact and the brown hair girl smiles.
He knows that smile.
That’s the smile Shoko gives when ever she figures out something. And equipped with a teasing look, Gojo is certain she knows that he is in love with you. “Good luck,Gojo.” With his studies or with you? Geto gives you guys a wave as he also turns around and walks way.
From then onwards, it’s as if the friendship which you guys have in the future,college days were happening now. Hanging out, study sessions, sometimes sneaking into parties and café date; the four of you. Just like right now as you’re in Gojo’s room, a flat rented nearby your future college.
“No way.” Shoko starts. “We’re all going to be attending the same college.” Her smile widens when you cheer and jump into her arms, she quickly looks over and sees a fond smile on Gojo’s face…hilarious!
Geto laughs as he takes a sip on his coffee as the two girls snuggle closer to each other. “Did you know about this?” He peers over to Gojo who finally seemed broken from his trance—you.
Gojo nods. “Yeah… I mean I’ve seen her study for her exams.” He clears his throat. “Have you played the new ‘digimon’ game?” He changes topic, whenever Geto speaks of you or to you, it makes him feel small. This isn’t good. He relishes this yet it was suffocation. Gojo would never hate his best friend—never, but sometimes it’s insecurity and sometimes it’s guilt which swallows him whole. ‘Is this okay?’
Shoko breaks away from the hug and she pulls on your cheeks fondly, she thinks you’re the most adorable human as she turns to Geto. “Smoke break.” Geto smiles and nods, following behind Shoko who led the way.
Gojo turns to you, eyes carefully trying to take in your presence that is before he notices something—your eyes are ‘lingering.’ He follows your gaze, carefully in the direction.
You were looking at Geto.
All emotions are wiped from his face. Gojo knew this could happen, you can fall in love with Geto all over again. He was the one who was messing with fate and time, yet— it hurt.
You turn to Gojo, your face tilts up to meet his gaze as your lips turn into a teasing smile which quickly flatters when you see Gojo’s expression. Your heart settles and softens, you relax and reach over the table to grab one of his hands. “…Satoru?”
He turns to you, and smiles. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
“No…just thinking.”
You gulp wondering why it felt as if suddenly there was a huge rift when they were barely centimeters apart; for someone as big as Gojo his voice was so—so small. “…About?” You were almost scared to ask.
“Are you in love with Suguru?” Gojo beats himself for this, he has gone and done it now!
You tilt your head. “where did that come from?”
“Friends don’t give each other love-filled lingering looks.” He scoffs. “So tell me-“ no he was being pushy. Gojo felt so backed into a corner for a moment but when he locked eyes with you, he was hurting you with the way he was acting.
He stands up. “I think I need some fresh air.”
“If I did love him, what would you do?”
Were you testing him?
“Please—please don’t fall for anyone but me…” he mumbles.
You watch as he slumps down on the floor, on his knees, burying his face into his hands, curling up almost as if to protect himself. Gojo is no longer confident egoistic boy you know, right now he seemed so weak; as if he was tired after a long journey. “I have surrendered myself to you for all of time; past, present and future I am yours…”
Your head is dizzy with all this information. You need time, you need clarity. Gojo feels like he is losing himself in his thoughts and also rambles with no coherence to what his mind has to say. “I don’t know what do do with this emotion but if I try to stop them they overflow and-”
His heart seemed to thud to a stop in his chest and then start up again erratically, hands seemed to be incapable of doing anything other than hang close by his sides.
“Satoru, I love you…” you whisper and it is only then when he realizes you were also on your knees in front of him, thumbs wiping tears from his cheeks. “I’m sorry for joking— I don’t love Geto. It’s you I love. Don’t hate me?”
How can he hate you when you were still his everything: you were his everything even when you were intertwining hands with someone else?
“It’s me?” He breathes out. “Did you say you’re in love with me?”
You nod.
“Oh wow.” He says which makes you laugh.
“I love you…” He says, years of these words inside the depth of his heart, was dug out. “From the bottom of my soul, I’m head over heels for you, my love.”
You almost cry at his tone, so gentle.
He caresses your hair, tenderly, running his fingers through the soft, silky strands. When he eventually has his hands on your cheeks; your cheeks flushing as he gazes at you, captivated by your presence. Your eyes sparkle with wonder, your lips plush and rosy.
You are flawless, perfect in this moment and beautiful in his embrace.
Gojo didn’t even realize when he started to get so close to you. His lips pressed against her pulse in a kiss before he nipped the skin.His limbs burned where he touched you, you were warm. So it was cold after all, he realized somewhere along the line. His hands were freezing, clinging to your lower back.
Gojo wants to stay like this, holding you for a minute longer or forever.
A whisper in his head was telling him to let go—that it wasn’t right, but Gojo wouldn't. He was hanging onto a life line, it hurt, but if he let go now, he would drown.
Gojo was vulnerable. And you kiss him back. Kiss him till he is fine. Kiss him until all his worries fly— till he understands, you are equally so stupidly in love with him.
Unbeknownst to you two, Shoko peeks over inside the door, a small crack reveals what’s inside “You think they’re done?”
Geto laughs. “Of course not…but give them more time and they’ll be in bed.”
Shoko laughs lightly making sure she isn’t spotted yet as she then peers over to the taller boy beside her. “What about you? You good?”
“Yeah… it was just a crush.” Geto looked at Shoko from the corner of his eyes and his lips curl into a smile. Shoko was always so observant.
Taglist ˙✧˖° 🫧 ⋆。—I tagged people who voted for time travel! Hope you guys don’t mind: @uuu55r64z46 @leviswifey-act62 @royaleashlyn @bakananya @bejwls @ritsatoru@washeduphasbeen @satorus-babygirl
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