#what is this life experience | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ambrosiagourmet · 3 months

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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.

This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.

But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.

Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:

This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.

And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.

Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.

Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.

He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.

She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.

Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.

Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.

#dunmeshi analysis #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #laios touden #dungeon meshi spoilers #AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing #there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too #like he wrecked her life by leaving #and wrecked her life by showing up #what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return #unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist #Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin #that he has to kill her to save her #as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too #didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own

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inkskinned · 3 months

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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

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canidaezy · 20 days

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how do transmascs not want to kill themselves all the time honestly

#i experience transphobia and hardship in my daily life #and then i go home and go on my computer and learn that i dont experience any of that actually #im just pretending. and i shouldnt talk about it because im just a fake trans #who wishes his experiences could even measure up to a crumb of what real trans people (women) have to go through #ok cool.#testosterone is a controlled substance did you know that. my state is actively making it harder for people my age to access hrt #but i guess since im transmasc i dont actually have to worry about any of that! im fine!#i didnt have a 3 month time limit before it would be illegal for me to access hrt! im transmasc im too privileged to worry about that!#transphobia #transandrophobia

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bulldagger-bait · 8 months

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I've always been curious to know this about the people around me. Most people have been in severe pain, but in my experience few have had what they would say is their 10/10 experience. I guess it's just something I find fascinating, as I had my 10/10 experience quite young and I sometimes forget that not everyone has. In my opinion it changes your relationship with pain and how you engage with it afterwards. If you answered yes, feel free to elaborate on your circumstances in the tags!

(reblog for a bigger sample size etc)

#I was 13 and mine was after spinal fusion surgery for scoliosis. T6-L4 fusion and when i woke up in spinal shock it was agonising pain #they had to give me ketamine before the pain died down and even then it was only 9/10 #i was on a fentanyl drip for a few days afterwards and ever 5mins and 50sec id be dosing myself #my dad would take over my button while i was sleeping and set a timer on his watch to push it at those intervals #it was the only way i could rest as without it id wake up in blinding pain #definitely the hardest experience of my life. sometimes i forget that i went through that and came out the other side.#polls #chronic pain #disability #spoonie #cripple punk #cripplepunk #the tags ive chosen kinda skew the balance in favour of the yes but idk what else to tag it with.#it would be interesting to see if other disabled people have also had a 10/10 and how common that is

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isjasz · 5 months

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[Day 153]

"This doesn't seem like a good idea"

No text👍

#dddaily4sherin #ethoslab #grian #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #isdoodles #secret life #secret life smp #trafficblr #traffic smp #Aka the initial idea was just warden darkness color experimenting #I tried to add the puslse effect kinda but I have no clue what I'm doing LOL

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novelconcepts · 10 months

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Read this article, and then put Liv Hewson in everything, because damn. They are a fucking legend.

#liv hewson #dude I’ve been non-binary/agender (they’re different things for some; for me i dance between) for years #but listening to Liv talk about their experience is what pushed me to finally just embrace the they/them that is me #they’re an absolutely wonderful performer and brilliantly well-spoken and I love seeing them live their best life

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tapakah0 · 2 months

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Animation commission I guess...

Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)

Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day

#I just...#I have what to do #Plenty of what to do #But it doesn't stress me enough to make my brain work #Such kind of commissions give me both a boost of work and enjoyment because of the process #So... yeah ah my brain is very much lacking it right now #And I think it will be interesting to finally do something complicated again but more properly #from the very beginning #I need an experience while I have time to pay attention to it #commission #I'm still not very confident to take money for these kind of works so I need to understand what pricing is okay for what I'm able to do wit #animation...#*opens the door*#*leaves the stage*#hahhh my dear life why did you give me such a lazy brain...

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babydollxxblood · 2 months

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I feel so incredibly stuck

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sideblogofthcentury · 1 year

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Steve knows people.

As much as his little monster-fighting family likes to believe Steve doesn’t know much, Steve definitely Knows people. Steve can read anyone like a book, based on what they choose to wear, how they choose to act, what they choose to say.

It was a survival tactic leftover from growing up the child of a millionaire; attending fancy parties and big holiday dinners with people his father did business with. Meeting a bunch of very particular adults, always having to respond in the exact right way to keep his father in good professional standings.

Steve could have a five minute conversation with someone and know for sure whether he ever wanted to see that person again.

Steve knows people.

And that is exactly why Steve is confused out of his mind about one Eddie Munson.

See, Steve has been “putting the moves,” as Robin calls it, on Eddie for the last three months. He had been pulling out every stop, trying his best to romance Eddie like one of those suave men from the books that had every bored housewife in Hawkins panting.

Steve knows Eddie likes him back. When Steve calls, Eddie’s bored sounding voice perks up half an octave when Steve starts to speak. Every time Eddie sees Steve, his face softens and he gets this dopey smile, like he’s smoked 3 joints in the last 15 minutes. Eddie always reaches out to touch Steve, and when Steve returns the favor, Eddie leans into him like a metalhead-sized cat.

It is an inherent fact to Steve that Eddie likes him back.

So when Eddie rushes a goodbye, or pulls away from a touch that’s a second too long to be platonic, or refuses to make eye contact when Steve would really like to kiss him, it confuses the goddamn shit out of Steve.

And that’s exactly what Steve says.

They’re sitting on the roof of Eddie’s van, looking up at the stars, elbows touching as they each pillow their heads on their hands. They’d just snuffed out the butt of their second joint of the night, and were basking in the lovely high, the beauty of the night sky, and each other’s company.

And Steve, as we’d established before, mutters under his breath: “you confuse the goddamn shit out of me.”

And Eddie, startled and confused, does what he does best: he laughs.

Which makes Steve laugh.

Which makes Eddie laugh harder.

Soon enough they’re both clutching their bellies and cackling out into the warm summer Indiana night.

Eddie sits up to catch his breath, crossing his legs and turning towards Steve. “Were you talking to me?”

Steve looked up at Eddie and placed one hand under his head, one on his stomach. “Yeah.”

“I confuse the goddamn shit out of you?”

Steve chuckled, still panting from the laughter. “Yeah.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows and poked Steve in the side.

Steve chuckled again, and shook his head. “You just confuse me, man. Us. This. It’s confusing.”

Eddie shrank a bit. He knew where this was going. (no he didn’t.) “Oh?” he mumbled, fumbling with his rings, avoiding eye contact.

Steve laughed. “That’s what I mean. You’re so confusing. You act like you want to kiss me so bad.”

Eddie froze.

Eddie’s brain was definitely broken.

Eddie had definitely smoked too much.

“I- you- what??”

Steve laughed.

Eddie blinked several times, wearing the most adorable confused expression. It made Steve’s heart melt. “I act… I don’t- what do you mean I ACT like I want to kiss you?!”

Steve took a deep breath and sat up, turned to face Eddie, and crossed his legs, touching both knees to Eddie’s. He covered Eddie’s fidgeting hands with his own right hand, and placed his left hand on Eddie’s thigh, just above his right knee. He leaned closer, watching Eddie’s chocolate eyes widen, darken, and flit to his lips. Steve smiled and Eddie’s breath caught, his hands flinching under Steve’s, and his eyelids fluttering in shock, before once again meeting Steve’s eyes.

Steve raised his eyebrows. “That.”

Eddie’s brain was still rebooting. “What?”

Steve shook his head and laughed. “You. Act. Like. You. Want. To. Kiss. Me.”

Eddie took a deep breath. “Steve, I’m gay.”

Steve laughed again, and Eddie frowned. “What the hell, Steve?”

Steve laughed again.

Eddie scoffed and started to move away, but Steve’s hands, previously laying innocently on Eddie’s hands and thigh, now gripped him firmly, keeping him close.

“Eddie. I know you’re gay.”

Eddie blinked. “Then why are you confused?”

Steve let his eyes very obviously find Eddie’s lips, lingering there a long pause, before bringing them back up to meet Eddie’s, which are now almost entirely consumed by the black of his blown pupils. “Because you act like you want to kiss me sooo bad, and yet, here I sit. Unkissed.”

Eddie visibly stalled. His entire body flinched, he blinked several times, and his mouth opened a fraction of an inch and he inhaled as if to speak, but made absolutely no sound.

Steve smiled and started to stroke Eddie’s hands and clothed thigh with his thumbs, silently showing Eddie he’s not going anywhere, waiting patiently for Eddie to sort through the obvious shock that this new information has triggered.

After a moment of intermittent blinking, Eddie took a deep breath. “You- I… I didn’t think that was an option.”

Steve chuckled and licked his lips. “It is most certainly an option.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay.”

Steve waited.

And waited.

“Steve?”

“yeah?”

“You’re saying I can kiss you now?”

Steve giggled. “Yeah, Eddie. I am saying that.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay.”

Steve waited again. “Unless.. You’d rather I kissed you?”

“No, no, I wanna do it.”

Steve nodded. “Okay.”

Eddie let his hands slip from underneath Steve’s, Steve moving his hand to Eddie’s other knee. Eddie cupped Steve’s face, fingertips threading into the hair behind his ears, his thumbs resting so gently on Steve’s cheeks. Eddie held Steve like he had the entire world in his hands, and for the first time in Steve’s life, he felt precious. Nobody had ever handled Steve so delicately, and his head was swimming.

Eddie’s eyes searched Steve’s face like he was looking for something, like he’d never get another chance, like he actually cared. Eddie looked at Steve like he was a sculpture in a museum, and it made Steve dizzy.

As Eddie shortened the distance between them, the last thing Steve saw before he closed his eyes was Eddie’s face flash with the most excited expression he’d ever seen, and Steve’s heart filled with joy.

And then Eddie’s lips touched Steve’s and his own brain failed him. He’d kissed plenty of people before but it’s never been quite like this. Eddie’s kiss was firm, soft, and entirely sure of himself, as if he didn’t spend months too afraid to do it.

Eddie’s hands advanced further into Steve’s hair, cupping the nape of his neck, tilting Steve’s head to deepen the kiss. Eddie’s tongue slid along Steve’s bottom lip, and took the opportunity of Steve’s surprised gasp to let itself into Steve’s mouth. Eddie’s tongue on his own distracted Steve from Eddie’s hands, and the next thing Steve knew, he was on his back with Eddie hovering over him, his knees straddling Steve’s hips, one hand shielding the back of Steve’s head from the metal of the van, his other hand holding Steve’s chest down, heating Steve’s soul through the thin material of his shirt.

Steve turned away to catch his breath, allowing Eddie to move his kisses to Steve’s jaw, hot breath on Steve’s neck sending entirely too much of his blood south. Steve sighed, shaking his head and let out an airy laugh. “You are so confusing.”

Eddie laughed into Steve’s ear. “What now?” His voice was deep and cracked, his breath in Steve’s ear making Steve shiver and grip Eddie’s lean hips.

“You-“ Steve panted while Eddie continued kissing his neck, “You acted so shy, for months, like you were too afraid to kiss me, driving me goddamn crazy. I could see how badly you wanted it and you never did anything about it. And now, here you are on top of me, melting me into fucking putty.” He pants a few seconds more, relishing the feeling of his earlobe in Eddie’s mouth. “Why didn’t you do us both a favor and do this months ago??”

“I told you,” Eddie mumbled, lifting his face up to meet Steve’s eyes with the most wicked grin, finally touching his own body to Steve’s in a full-body grind that led with his hips, followed with his chest, and ended with a loud groan from Steve, “I didn’t think that was an option.”

#this may or may not be based on real life experience #look sometimes it’s hard to know if someone likes you back #tops without firm grasp of romantic cues representation #bottoms who aren’t afraid to ask for what they want #eddie driving steve crazy challenge #steve knowing what he wants and also knowing what eddie wants #steddie #steve harrington #steve x eddie #eddie munson #steve eddie #eddie x steve #stranger things fic #steddie fic #steddie fix it fic #eddie is an idiot #oblivious moron

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