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peanut-in-the-goal · 9 months

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first dates

“Jamessss!” Sirius whined, rolling up and rolling down his sleeves for the fourth time. He had done his eyeliner and finally picked an outfit. James sighed, he was laying on his stomach in his four person bed, watching through the open door of the bathroom as Sirius stressed over how he looked in the mirror. He pushed his glasses higher up on his nose, and rolled out of bed.

He came over to Sirius, stood behind him in the mirror and fixed his sleeves for him. He looked over Sirius’s shoulders and met his eyes in the mirror.

Sirius sighed, “You think it’s going to go well?”

James huffed out a laugh. “Padfoot, this is Remus we’re talking about.” He grabbed a brush off the counter and started running it through Sirius’ hair. “Remus who you’ve shared a room with for the past four and a half years. One of our best friends. He knows you, he’s seen you, and quite frankly he’s been pining over you for the past 2 years. He wouldn’t be going on this date with you if he had thought it was a bad idea. And I'm sure you wouldn’t either, hm?”

Sirius hums in response. “I guess…” he starts. He shakes his head and turns to face James, and James places the brush back on the counter. “But what if it doesn’t go well?”

“Then you go back to just being friends. If it's awkward and uncomfortable then you just go back to how you were before. I highly doubt one uncomfortable night will make things really change between the two of you. If you try it and it doesn't work then that’s okay.”

Sirius nods along, a small smile playing at his lips. He turns back towards the mirror and nods, “Okay,” he says, “okay. Thank you, Jaime.”

James smiles at him in the mirror, “it’ll go well Pads,” he reassures him. Sirius smiles back, going to fiddle with his hair. Half an hour later, and a lot of light hearted banter, his hair is up and he’s ready to go. James pats him on the back and walks him to the girls stairs. The wolf whistles at Sirius as he leaves back to his door, laughing when Sirius goes red and yells back in mock offense.

They had charmed the stairs a long time ago, it had taken an insane amount of magic and research, but they had finally made it so boys can go to the girls dorms and girls could go to the boys as long as they didn’t have i’ll intentions.

Sirius took a deep breath. In and out, in and out. He starts walking up the stairs. He’s okay, he has this, it’s just Moony. His Moony. That thought still brings butterflies to his stomach, a tug of protectiveness sparking in him and painting a faint blush over his face. He was dressed in a black button up, the top three buttons left open, sleeves rolled up and bunched around his elbows, shirt tucked into his black slacks. He was dressed nice, but a casual sort of nice. His hair was tied up in a loose bun, half up half down, held with his wand sticking through the middle. Holding a small arrangement of flowers in one hand, he raised his fist and knocked on the door with the other.

—

Remus was looking at the outfits he brought that were laid over Lily’s bed. His left arm crossed over his chest and his left rubbing over his mouth.

“I’m not sure Lils,” he mumbled. So far they had decided on a pair of brown corduroy pants. He had a few sweaters, a cardigan, two sweater vests and a short sleeved collared shirt to pick from. Lily had decided yes to the collared shirt, but they were debating what to put over it. He had tried a couple things already, vetoing the cardigan and two of the sweaters already.

“Try this,” Lily said, picking up a light green sweater and throwing it at him. Remus souttered when it hit him in the face. He glared at her as he put it over his button up and Lily hid her grin behind her hand. He turned to look in the full sized mirror that the girls had in their dorm before shaking his head no.

Lily nodded, “Yeah I agree, this one bunches weird,” she said, trying to adjust the way it sits on his shoulders. He took it off and added it into the vetoed pile.

Next she picked up an oversized deep blue sweater vest with an argyle design on the front. Remus tried it on and looked in the mirror. He looked at Lily and smiled, “This is the one,” he said softly. Lily nodded in agreement, a smile gracing her lips.

Not much was down with his hair, it was short and fluffy, his amber eyes staring back at himself in the mirror. He went for a pair of socks with hippogriffs on it and his ratty old grey converse shoes from home.

Running his hands through his hair one more time, he started getting his things together. A sack of knuts, sickles, and a few galleons, along with his muggle camera that his mother had given him in first year. Every time he went home he would save his photos to his computer, another courtesy of having a muggle mum, before coming back to take new photos.

—

At exactly 3 o’clock he heard a knock on the door. Today was a Hogsmeade day, and Siriud had finally asked Remus out.

“Okay.” Remus breathed. “Okay! This will be great, it’ll be fine, it’s going to be fine,” he said, looking at himself in the mirror, bending over to see himself close up. He was messing with his hair a bit more before he heard Lily laugh at him. Not unkindly so much as amused.

“I’ve never seen you this nervous over a date,” she said, smiling. Remus groaned, standing up fully and looking at her.

“Shut uppp,” he complained. She giggled.

“It’s kind of cute.”

“Shut it,” groaned, head tipping into his hands. He heard another, more timid knock at the door. “Oh shit,” he said, going to open it.

Sirius stood on the other side with a soft smile on his face. “Hi Re,” he said. Then he raised his hand, holding a bundle of daisies and blue salvias, no doubt picked from the herbology greenhouse. Remus beamed back at him.

“Thanks Pads,” he said. They stared at each other for a moment before Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. They both startled, “Ready to go?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded and they headed down the stairs together, Remus mouthing the words thank you to Lily over his shoulder. He magicked his flowers upstairs and to their dorm, having them rest on his bedside table.

This is uncharted territory for the both of them, not uncomfortable, just new. To be honest, Sirius can’t imagine a world where he would be uncomfortable around Remus.

The two made their way down the moving stairs and out of the castle, speaking and joking to each other. McGonagall gave Remus a knowing look when the two handed in their permission slips, Sirius’ having forged his parents’ signatures since third year. If McGonagall knew, she never said anything.

“Have fun boys,” she said, sparing them less than a glance before she turned to the next people in line. Sirius stared wide eyed at her before looking at Remus, who looked like he was trying to stifle his laughter.

“Does she know? Do you think she knows?” Sirius buried his face in his hands as they started walking to Hogsmeade. “Oh my god she totally knows.”

Remus laughed, letting his hand fall to the small of Sirius’ back, guiding him through the crowd. Sirius’ face burned red, but his lips twitched into a smile and he couldn’t help laughing too.

“She definitely knows,” Remus agreed.

“Ugh,” Sirius whined, “Now she’s gonna look at us weird in class Moony!”

Remus’ head tipped back when he laughed this time, and Sirius couldn’t help but think that he was beautiful. He walked a little closer to Remus, and Remus’ hand fell to Sirius’ hip, rubbing circles into it a few times before dropping it. Halfway through their fifth year, Remus was taller than all the other marauders. He was nearly 6 feet tall, while Sirius was still stuck at 5’7. Perfect height for Remus to rest his arm on his shoulder, which he did.

“She’s not gonna look at us weird Padfoot, she won't care,” he said.

“But Mooonyyyy,” Sirius whined again, “She’s gonna do the thing.”

Sirius pouted, actually pouted at him. Remus could not keep the grin off his face.

“She’s not going to be mean Padfoot.”

“I know that, of course I know that. But she’s going to do the thing with her eyes. Like she’s making fun of us,” Sirius stepped away from Remus a little, waiting for his hand to drop off his shoulder before grabbing it with his own. He didn’t look at him as their fingers interlaced, but he couldn’t hide the way he was beaming.

Remus huffed a laugh, “Okay fine, I guess I know what you’re talking about,” he said. “But to be frank with you Pads, I don’t really mind if she does.”

“Yeah?” Sirius asked, looking at him.

“Yeah,” Remus replied. Sirius’ smile turns soft, close mouthed and his lips curling up at the ends.

“Okay,” he said quietly, and readjusted his grip on Remus’ hand to hold on tighter.

They continued their walk to Hogsmeade, stepping through the snow and realizing just how bad of an idea this was to wear converse. Remus’ socks were wet and his shoes were an entirely different color from when he left Hogwarts.

I’m lucky I'm a wizard, he thought as casted a drying spell. They finally made it to Hogsmeade, staring down at all the shops lined up next to each other.

“Where do you wan-“ Remus cut himself off with a laugh, Sirius was already dragging him off by their still entwined hands. He brings them to Honeydukes, pushing open the door and navigating through the busy store.

“Where’re you taking me, sweetheart?” Remus asks, the pet name slipping out easily. Sirius can’t hide the blush that spreads over his face and down his neck, and although Remus lets out a slight laugh, he doesn’t mention it.

“I’m buying you chocolate Moony.” Sirius says, then for extra emphasis, “Duh.”

“Woah, woah, wait- what?”

“Very good alliteration Moony, but that doesn’t quite make sense. Wanna try again for something more coherent?” Sirius grins at him. Remus stares at him in shock.

“You know what alliteration is?” He asks dumbly.

“Oi! I take muggle studies!”

“I’m surprised you listen to be entirely honest.”

“Hey!” Sirius squawks. A few heads turn, Sirius sticks his tongue out at the closest person.

“You’re like a little kid,” Remus laughs. “A little kid in a candy shop.”

“Yep!” Sirius says, popping the p. They end up in front of a trolley with all sorts of chocolate treats. “Now pick something Moonykins.”

“I’m really okay Sirius, you don't need to buy me anything.” Remus tries, but Sirius just talks over him.

“Nope, nuh uh, i'm getting you something and you love love love chocolate so i'm getting you chocolate.” Remus is looking at him with a stuck expression, something Sirius can't quite read so he adds on, “Please Rem. If it makes you feel better the money came from my parents, and I love spending it on things they don’t approve of.”

Part of Remus feels that in any other circumstance he should be offended by that, his dates parents not approving of him even though they’ve never met, but hearing that Walburga and Orion Black don’t approve might be one of the best compliments ever.

Renus fakes a groan, acting like it is more effort than it is to grab his favorite chocolate bar off of the trolley, and Sirius grins. And if he grabs two more when Remus isn’t looking, then that's none of his business. On his way to the register he snags a cauldron cake for himself as well.

As Sirius pays, Remus looks around the crowded store. Through the store window he can see James and Peter walking with Lily. Dorcas and Marlene had their own date, leaving Lily to her own devices. She agreed to hang out with the other two marauders as long as James didn’t hit on her. Over the past 4 years she had become quite close to the boys, and she’s grown to not totally hate James’ presence.

“Okay!” Sirius cheered, he held a small paper bag with the Honeydukes logo on the front. “Where now?”

Remus hummed. Hand in hand they left the store, walking down and looking at the shops. He pulled Sirius toward the three broomsticks. “It’s cold, I want hot cocoa,” he said.

Sirius beamed at him, “Of course you do, you’re Moony. Haven’t gotten your chocolate fix today, have you?” He teased. Remus huffed, depositing Sirius at a small table for two in a quiet corner by the window. With a quick, “I’ll be right back,” Remus had gone to order their drinks at the counter. He came back a few minutes later, saying that they’ll bring their drinks to them.

So far the date was going pretty well if Remus said so himself. They were both having fun, talking and laughing like always. No uncomfortable or awkward lulls in conversation. It felt right, the two of them together like this. Sure they were best friends first, but maybe they could be more than that.

Sirius loves Remus’ eyes. The way they shine in the sun, the small specks of gold in his light brown. He doesn’t think he’s ever really gotten to look at Remus like this, open and warm and he was allowed to look without giving his silly little crush away.

Sirius has a necklace on. A small silver chain that loops gracefully around his neck and down to his chest. Sitting at the bottom is a silver moon. His nails are painted back and he keeps fiddling with it, rolling the pendant between his fingers and running them through the chain. And Remus can’t stop looking at it. Because that necklace, that moon, it’s him, he’s Moony. Sirius’ Moony if he’ll have him, and he can’t fight the smile that breaks out over his face. Sirius is smiling back at him, his foot lightly tapping Remus’ underneath the table. Sirius laughs, and it feels like they haven’t stopped laughing and smiling and joking since they left Hogwarts.

This wasn’t hard. Not awkward or uncomfortable or grasping for something to say to fill in the inevitable silence that usually comes with a first date. This is easy and light and to Sirius it feels like the home he’s always wished for. His safety and warmth coming from somebody, not somewhere like he always thought it would. He can’t find it in himself to mind much though, not when he sees the way Remus’ eyes crinkle in the corners when he smiles, or the way his freckles dance across his face, and Merlin even his scars look beautiful, Sirius thinks.

He can imagine himself in a million different worlds with Remus, but he can’t imagine a single one where he isn’t the most beautiful man ever.

Sirius found his person in his best friend. His world, his home, and place to give all his love. And he feels like he’s bursting at the seams with this need to share all his adoration for Remus but he isn’t quite sure how to put it all into words. How do you tell someone that you grew up with that you love them from their hair to their toes, from the freckle that laid right but their right eyebrow all the down to the scar that wrapped around their ankle. How do you tell someone that’s held you after nightmares and helped you burn letters from your mother and always gave you one of their sweaters on the way back to Hogwarts after a trip home. How do you tell someone like that you love them and appreciate them and would cross the ocean for them, build mountains, get the stars for them. How do you convey so many thoughts and feelings of love and thankfulness into words that mean something? Something that sounds worthy to be heard and like you mean. A simple thank you isn’t enough, a simple i love you, a hug, those aren’t enough. Not when Remus deserves the entire world, not when his smile is so contagious that Sirius can’t help but be in a good mood.

This may only be their first date, but Sirius has known Remus, really gotten to know him, over the past 4 and a half years. And Sirius knows that he loves him and never ever wants to lose him.

He figures that one day, with time, he’ll figure out how to tell him. How to show him that he tells Remus he means it. That Sirius would personally lasso down the sun and keep it below the horizon if it meant Remus could sleep longer if he asked him to. Sirius would do anything if Remus asked him to, willing to go the lengths of the world if it meant Remus’ smile never left his face.

But Sirius can’t convey that in so many words, he can’t convey that in any words really, so instead he steals one of Remus’ legs and traps it between his own under the table. He looks at Remus and hopes he understands that he’s having one of the best days of his life. Remus looks at him the same way, and Sirius’ gets the feeling that he understands.

It’s not long before Rosmerta, and young witch in her early twenties came over to the two, bring their hot chocolate. It wasn’t uncommon for Sirius to flirt with her while she was behind the counter, laughing and joking and being charismatic. She always laughed him off, and Sirius never actually planned for it to go anywhere,not sure he wanted it to, but they had become a sort of easy friends. He smiled at her, toothy and cricked, and bright. He winked at her as she put their drinks down.

“Thanks Merta!’ He cheered, reaching for his cup.

“Yeah, yeah,” she said with a wave of her hand. She smiled despite herself. She stopped and really looked at the two boys in front of her, the linked feet under the table, the lack of the other two boys who are usually with them, the fact that they were dressed nicer than usual. He smile widened a little bit more, fully taking in the two. Remus ducked his head and blushed.

“Your guys’ drinks are on the house tonight,” she said. Sirius grinned at her and Rosmerta winked at him as she walked away from their table.

“Oh merlinnn,” Remus groaned. Sirius laughed at him.

“Oh come on, Moonyyy. We just got free drinks.” Sirius joked.

“Yeah, she probably gave us free drinks because you didn’t hit on her today.”

“Hey!” Sirius pretended to pout on him. “I’ll have you know that anyone who gets hit on me is extremely lucky!”

Remus hummed in agreement. He raised his mug to his lips. “Hmm. Does thatmean I’m going to get lucky today then?” He raised his eyebrow at sirius, cocky, and then choked on his drink laughing at Sirius wide eyed stare. He truly looked like a deer in headlights. Maybe he should have been the stag and not James.

“Wh-wha-what?” Sirius spluttered, before composing himself. “If you’d like that then of course my favorite, perfect Moonykins.”

Remus laughed again, shaking his head as his eyes closed from laughter. It was a good day. Reaching into the Honeydukes bag on the table next to him, Sirius pulled out a keychain with a pawprint hanging from it. He slid it across the table, not saying anything but looking at Remus hopefully.

Remus loved it. It was gold with smaller black details. He raised his eyebrow at Sirius for further explanation, but picked it up and examining it in his hands. “What’s this?” He prompted softly.

Sirius huffed, twisting his hands together in his lap and squeezing Remus’ leg from where it was trapped still between his own.

“I saw it hanging by the cashier. I thought it was nice, and er, that you may like it? Anyways I bought it for you and if you don’t like it then it’s fine! I can alwa-,” Sirius rambled.

“I love it Pads,” Remus cut him off. “Thank you.” Sirius stuck his tongue at him.

“You’re welcome Moooooonyyyy,” he singsonged.

A little more banter and another few mugs of hot cocoa later, and it was started to get dark out. Kids were starting their walk back to Hogwarts, and the snow was dying down.

“Ready to go Pads?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded, finishing off his mug and picking up the Honeydukes bag. As they walked back to Hogwarts, hand in hand, Sirius had never been this type of happy. One that didn’t feel like was going to end when the night was over, that had his insides feeling warm and fuzzy. He loved this, he loved today, and he couldn’t wait to love more days like this in the future. He looked up at Remus.

“I had fun,” he said instead. Remus smiled down at him,

“Me too?”

“Enough fun to go out with me again?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded.

“Definitely.”

There weren’t a lot of people like there were when they went there. Instead of bustling friend groups and loud laughter ringing up and down the trail from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, there was quiet. Their foostepsmaking sound as they sunk into the snow, a group of three girls walking a little ways in front of them, probably a few further behind them as well as everyone trickled out at their own pace.

“In fact,” Remus started. “I had enough fun to ask if you wanted to be my boyfriend”. Sirius absolutely beamed at him.

Remus leaned down a little, Sirius standing up as high as he could. They stopped walking, pulling off to the side.

“Of course, Moons.”

And Remus smiled against Sirius’ lips as he kissed him. Short and sweet, but it left Sirius’ heading spinning all the same, smile gracinghis face as he hugged Remus. Sirius practically skipped all the the way back, an extra hop added to his step, fingers interlaced with Remus’.

Neither could keep the smiles off of their faces. Coming back to the school McGonagall could see the way they both glowed with happiness. And despite her usual stern face, her heart soared in happiness because both Remus and Sirius deserved so much more than what the world had given them, and maybe, just maybe together they could give each other the world.

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