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The Reaper and the Death Angel Snippet 6 - The Lesson II

Series Masterlist

The Lesson I Part 61

Contains: Smut (sexting, oral sex M and F receiving, fingering, P in V, orgasm denial, semi-public sex), discussion of violence and combat, medical procedures, mild gore.

8.7 K words

"If the mind is willing, the flesh could go on and on without many things." ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Training: Day Sixteen

"Hello all and welcome to advanced combat medicine, there's a lot of work to be done, so I hope everyone has done their reading?"

You looked around the room and everyone nodded, "fabulous, we'll start with theory and then move onto practical like normal. Who can tell me what the trauma triad of death is?"

Their hands shot up, "yes, Kozik, you were first."

"Hypothermia, acidosis, and coagulopathy. Cold, acidic blood, bleeding. It's bad and means someone is more likely to die."

You smiled and threw him a cookie, "great. Next, what do you prioritise, moving someone away from danger or stabilising their spine?"

You welled with pride as everyone raised their hand, "yes my love?"

Jax did his best not to blush as he answered, "Safety then spine but if you're in a situation like that, you're fucked anyway." Rather than tossing him a cookie, you leaned over the desk and pressed your lips to his.

"I'm so impressed, today is going to be a great day."

The theory went by in a breeze, the quickfire questions being met with equally quickfire answers. With the last question answered and the worksheets marked, it was time to move on to the practical half.

"Alright everyone, please go into the next room and grab yourself two Bobs, you're going to be saving their life this time while Curt and I do our best to kill them."

Tig's hand went up, "yes Tig?"

"What do you have against Bob?"

You smiled, "Bob is modeled after a mix of people we all hate, Bob sucks, and we enjoy hurting Bob. Now, to the other room, and please pick up a poncho on the way, things are going to get messy."

They all wondering into the other room, it took up most of the floor, there were dummies along the walls, two for each man, a small concrete blast room in the corner and a blast shield as far away from the blast room as possible.

"Now that you're dressed for the occasion, I'd like each one of you to grab your dummies, and Jackson, my love, please pick four volunteers."

You smiled as Jax picked himself, Sam, Opie and Chibs, "wonderful, I would like you gentlemen to bring your dummies into our room in the corner and place them inside, you'll see some footprints on the floor but pick their position randomly."

Once that was done, you waved to Juice, "you answered the most questions so you get to pick. A bomb or a grenade?"

He thought for a moment, "a bomb."

You smiled, "yay. Ok, can everyone go behind those glass panels, that's the blast shield that will keep us safe in case something goes wrong. I'm going to set this up, I will be back in a moment."

You left, returned carrying a solid metal case, and disappeared inside the concrete bunker. They could hear the radio beeping as you moved around then you were coming out with a switch in your hand. You reached over and picked up a small container and shook it, "ear protection everyone, from now on, where you hear me yell for it, have it in your ears as soon as you can or you're going to have problems."

When that sunk in, you moved on, "ok, this is a switch for a very small bomb that's been set up for a controlled explosion that will affect that dummies in the same way a large bomb in an uncontrolled area would have. This is very safe, it's tested every time we use it and it's the same thing used in military bases all over the world. Who wants to press the button?"

They look at each other and you handed it to Sam, "since he's done this before, ear protection in please." When that was done, you held up your hand and counted down, Sam pressing the button as you dropped the last finger. The room almost shook as the blast went off but the bang was minimal. You waved your hand for them to remove their ear plug then smiled, "come on people, you have men to save."

Everyone ran over, and you opened the doors, "get them out and start assessing, act like I needed the information ten minutes ago."

They moved quickly to remove the dummies, their white ponchos rapidly becoming covered in blood, "this guy is dead." The form Phil was carrying was blown to pieces.

You nodded, "yes he is, now move on and help the living."

Chibs waved his hand, "this guy is going to bleed out before I can help him." You paused for him to come to the answer himself while you waved Curt to the other dummies, "so I should move on?"

You smiled, "yep, I'm not hearing from everyone, we've got two down and six to go, people should be yelling at me."

Jax blinked before firing off, "the left arm was too damaged to save, I tied it off he will…."

The sound of crashing pulled everyone's attention away, "looks like Curt's given us some blunt force trauma to work with."

You looked at Jax and waited for him to act, "Hap and Juice, go deal with that."

You held up a hand, "you're sending two people with all this going on?"

Jax nodded emphatically, "yes, most of these men won't live, help the living right?"

You smiled and turned to Juice and Happy, "do you agree?" They both nodded, "then don't listen to me, if you know that your orders are good don't listen to a contradiction."

They ran off and Curt moved to another set of dummies, waiting for your signal as Kip yelled, "this guy is bleeding internally, I've packed the wound, I can't do more."

You slapped him warmly on the back, then waved, "ear protection please." Once that was done, you waved at Curt and gunshots filled the air, with another waved, they removed the plugs and could hear you again, "great, looks like we have three men down with bullet wounds, what are we going to do?"

Jax shot up and shouted out orders, the men splitting off and heading to follow through. You paused Jax before he raced off, placing a hand on his reddened shoulder, "I'm very proud of you Jax."

He gave you a slight nod and ran to the first body he could.

It happened in a rush after that, each time they thought they had gotten on top of it, you and Curt damaged another dummy. By the time each one had been injured, everything but the ceiling was wet and red with fake blood.

They all sat on the floor, their chest heaving with exertion, "Chibs, you're technically the medic, I trust you were keeping on top of everything?" He nodded, "great, what's you report?"

He took a deep breath, "we saved sixty per cent."

You nodded, "is forty per cent an acceptable loss?"

He looked at his friends, "yes, I don't think we could have done more."

You smiled and looked at Curt, "that's what we thought. Anyone who wants to stay behind and help us clean up is more than welcome, I suggest you do so you can ask some more questions. There are more medical classes in the next few weeks, I hope you guys decide to sign up."

To your happiness, they all stayed behind. You and Jax shared a look, and he pressed his lips to your cheek before turning to the group, "many hands make light work, let's let our teachers take a break."

Training: Day Nineteen

Today was an easy day, they were relieved that they had to chance to rest their aching muscles with a day of theory work.

Jax was sitting with Opie, waiting for Billy to show up for their leadership class. Jax had buried himself in all the reading, he realised somewhere between your rant at them all those weeks ago and the training here that he was failing as a leader but he was going to do his best to fix that.

Billy arrived with trademark charm and coffees for everyone, "we won't be here long, we're just going to go over some situations that might come up and work through them. Y/n helped with this, she didn't tell me anything other than the Club's most common problems. Let's start with what happens when you two and Sam aren't around, do you think they can handle it?"

Jax and Ope shared a look and Billy sighed, "I'm going to take that as a no and that's the issue, if the three of you had your heads blown off, your men should be able to manage without you. So how are we going to get them there?"

Jax knew the answer, "make sure they know they can do it without us."

Billy smiled, "yeah, but I'm guessing that realisation has come by way of y/n?"

Jax nodded, "yeah, she's kinda be driving home that we need to be more encouraging."

Billy huffed, "that's her, we were lucky she didn't hand out stickers overseas. She was aggressive about it, which helped when shit was bad, but there's something kinda scary about someone making you be nice to yourself on the threat of a painful death."

Opie laughed, remembering how you were after Donna's death, "she hasn't changed."

Billy sighed, "then try and live up to her standard, be violently encouraging. I'm sure you can both say something good about all the men around your table."

They nodded, "alright then, let me have it, and I want you to really think about it. Tell me what's good about them, why it's good and how you came to that conclusion."

It hit Jax like a ton of bricks that he couldn't actually do that and so did the realisation that you would be able to without thinking.

He took a deep breath, ready to admit his failure, "I can't."

Opie nodded, "yeah, neither can I."

Billy crossed his arms with a determined look, "then let's fix that."

****

"Hey Juicy, come and sit with me, we have things to talk about."

Juice took his spot and Penelope smiled, "so, I have something for you." She hopped up and skipped over to the cupboard before opening it. There was a pile of boxes full of new electronics, "you're going to get your own Batcave, or at least the set up for one."

Juice's face broke out into a grin, "really?"

She nodded, "yep, we all know you'll be happier as the man behind the curtain. I'll walk you through all the set up then someone from the CIA will be here to give you the same clearance I have so you can tap into all resources you need without relying on y/n. It will all be above board and sanctioned by the CIA so you don't need to worry. Then after that we'll head to T-M and get you all set up, I've already got Happy, Chibs and some of our guys making over the big storage room in the back for you."

Juice felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, "does that I mean never have to.."

Penelope smiled, "yeah Juice. I know no one wanted to have to stay connected to the life for this to work but if everything keeps going to way it is, the Club's never going to have to get their hands dirty again, which means all this, can go towards fun stuff."

Juice paused for a minute, unsure of what to do before coming to a decision, "I need to call Jess, I'll be back."

****

If the knock on your office door didn't clue you into something, Jess standing there was a huge smile on her face did, "what is it Miss Warren?"

She all but skipped inside, "I'm going to need one day next week off."

You blinked, "we have a mountain of cases, do you have a good reason?"

She nodded, "I do. Juice just got fished doing something at T-M and he called me with Happy in the room." You knew what she was going to say next, "so I'll be getting a tattoo soon."

You did your best to contain your excitement, "I'm very happy for you and Jaun. You just tell me when and you can have the day."

She gave a little jump and clapped her hands, "thank you so much, I promise I won't let anything interfere with work, I'm still your intern first."

You smiled slightly, "well then you better get back to work."

Training: Day Twenty-Two

"Hello all, and welcome to forensics, which is actually how to get away with murder. I'm am very excited for this."

Tig's hand went up and you waved at him to continue, "does that mean we get to learn your plan for a perfect murder?"

You shook your head, "No, no one ever will, which is why it will be perfect, as far as you know, I don't even have a plan." You smiled wide, "now, on to the theory, who can tell me what you need to convict someone of murder?"

Chibs raised his hand, "evidence, motive, opportunity and means."

You nodded, "yes, so step one is to try and make the death look like natural causes or an accident, if that's not possible make it look like self defence." Kozik's hand went up, "yes?"

"Doesn't mean we have to plan?"

You nodded, "yes, I hope that going forward, you have no reason to kill someone without planning. Anyway, if you do, the CIA will bail you out even if I've taken a step back."

They all exchanged looks before Opie spoke up, "then why are we learning this, I thought we we're going fully legit, why do we need to kill people?"

You sighed, "just in case Ope, there may come a time when one of your old buyers asks for help and in order to keep things going, you have to get your hands dirty, makes sense?" There were nods all around, "Great. Now, what's the best way to get rid of a body?"

Happy's hand shot up, "melt it in lye, drill holes in the barrel once you're sure the body it's melted then drill holes in the barrel and dump it in the ocean."

You nodded, "yes, but more broadly, you must make sure there is not only no body but no evidence at all, that also means no body wherever the person died and none of the things you used to get rid of it." You grinned and Jax couldn't help but feel butterflies in his stomach, "the next part is going to be very fun so please follow me."

Everyone headed into the next room and you explained what was about to happen, "in a few moments, I'm going to leave, and you're going to put what you've learned into action. You will split off into four groups, and Jax Sam and Happy will walk around helping out. This is not a competition, and you should help other groups."

You walked over to the tables, "In these brown paper bags are whole pigs legs, intestines and some blood, in the cupboards over there is everything you'll need for disposal. Next to the bags is a list of methods, you're to create a hypothesis with them then stage a crime scene. Once that's done, you'll swap crime scenes and use what you've hypothesised to try and clean up then I'll see if I can solve it. You have two hours, so I don't expect you to be perfect."

Happy had a huge smile on his face, "how much blood?"

You sighed, "a lot, I have papers to grade so have fun."

****

Knock knock

"Come in." The door opened and Jax walked in with his trademark Teller swagger, "how did it go my love?"

He smirked, "great, I think you'll be very proud. We had a lot of fun."

You nodded, "I'm delighted, do you think I'll be able to figure it out?"

He shrugged, "I'm not sure, we've never really seen you in action so I don't know but I hope not. We all tried hard."

You stood up and extended your arm, Jax looping his arm around it, "let's see shall we?"

You walked into the room and looked around, "wow, I am impressed. There's not much mess." You picked up a forensic box and smiled, "we'll see what I can see when I have more than just my eyes."

You started with a black light, taking in all the blood spatters. Then you luminoled the tools they had left out. After that, you went over the remains they hadn't had the time to get rid of. All the while, they stood anxiously waiting for you to give them feedback.

"Let's start with the crime scenes. In scene one, blood was up the walls, and someone dragged the intestines across the floor. In scene two, someone used a hammer to mimic massive blunt force trauma. Scene three was a chainsawing and scene four was a very nasty stabbing. How right am I?"

Jax smiled, "you got everything right."

"Ok, scene one was a dismemberment with a saw, then you tried to burn the bones. Scene two was a dismemberment with surgical tools and I'm guessing there's sulfuric acid in that barrel. Scene three used fire again and scene four was another acid bath?"

Jax nodded, "yeah, how did you guess all of that?"

You shrugged, "I had a lot of experience. There was no way you'd be able to completely destroy a scene in two hours but I'm impressed. But now I'm going bring some of my guys in and go over this place for more than a ten minute look and we'll see."

You met them back in the classroom with both arms filled with bags, "ok then. I'm still very impressed, you did your best for the two hours that you had and there was no way you'd be able to completely destroy a scene in that amount of time. Time to go over your mistakes."

You held up every bag, explained what it was, where and how you found it, where they went wrong and what to do next time. It took hours and they listened carefully. By the end, the smile on Sam's face was a mile wide.

"You're really good at your job, shit."

You smiled, "Thank you Bobby. I hope you can all see how much of myself and what makes me proud that I've had to set aside for the people in the room. I worked my ass off to get the lab, my team and my career to where it is now. I gave up a lot to be here and to be able to do what I just did, and I had to put that on the backburner more than once for the Club."

"We never knew you were this good." To Kozik's credit, he sounded ashamed.

You nodded, "because no one ever asked, no one paid much attention and I don't like to brag. I've been in the local paper a million times and published more times than I can count. You missing out on the achievements I've worked my fingers to the bone to get is not on me."

Sam huffed, "I'm glad you finally said it."

You sighed, "I'm not asking you to blow smoke up my ass or put on a party every time something good happens, I'm asking to be able to go back and pursue my purpose in life."

Jax looked around the room and then locked eyes with you, "we promise darlin, we won't take you away from that anymore."

Training: Day Twenty Five

Jax was sitting in the class on tactics he was taking with Ope, Hap and Chibs, doing his best to participate in the discussion currently taking place while also trying to reply to your text that were growing rapidly more explicit.

Each ping of your text tone had him pulling his phone out of his pocket while making sure Billy wasn't watching, he was succeeding until you sent him a photo of you in nothing but your lab coat, draped subjectively over your body with just enough breast exposed to make his mouth water.

"Jackson, care to share your thoughts with the class?" Billy knew what was going on, he could tell by the look on Jax's face.

Jax shook his head and put his phone back into his pocket, "nah, it was just y/n giving me an update about the wedding."

Billy smiled and pulled out his phone before dialing you on speaker, casting Jax a glace as you answered, "yes Billy?"

He leaned against the desk, "can you please refrain from distracting your fiance? I have a class to teach and don't need him running into a wall because he has something else on his mind."

You did your best not to laugh, "I was just sending him wedding stuff, no need to be such a hardass, you don't really have one."

Billy sighed, "I see what you're doing now, and just for that I'm not going to keep it to myself."

You smiled to yourself, "oh no, the horror."

He hung up and turned to Jax, "she's doing it intentionally man. Y/n has always enjoyed winding people up."

Jax huffed, "yeah, nice to know she's only gotten worse."

Billy smiled, "That ain't my fault, when you don't play into it it's not fun anymore but clearly if she's interrupting your learning all you do is play into it."

Chibs chuckled, "he's right Jackie, you've seen how she is when she's dealt with people we don't get along with."

Billy shook his head, "it works, doesn't it? There were times when we were in less than ideal circumstances, and all she did was egg the fucker with the cattle prod or blowtorch on. You can't exactly extract information from someone when they're laughing at you. Not only that, but I don't think she ever went beyond politely requesting something, I've never once seen that woman beg for anything and trust me, there were times when anyone would have."

Jax blinked, he had never had such an ego boost, "wow, that's hardcore."

Billy nodded, "yeah, it is. I'd just be careful if you think you can get one up on her because you can't no matter how hard you try and she will punish you for failing." Jax swallowed and Billy chuckled, "I mean, she's not going to kill you but if you engage in a battle of wills with her, make sure you're armed."

****

When Jax got home later that night after the Nevada party he made sure that he was down to his boxers by the time he got to the bedroom, smirking as you looked up from your book and raked your eyes over his body, "did Nevada leave ok my love?

He nodded, "they did. I'm going to have a shower, how's Sam?"

You smiled, "sleeping it off."

Jax walked up the bed to kiss you as he headed into the bathroom, his lips lingering on yours as he pulled away, "good, I'll be out in a bit, don't fall asleep on me."

You shook your head, "I wouldn't dare."

After the lesson today, Billy called you to tell you off for making Jax's life hard but that only spurred you on, especially after he took it upon himself to brag about being the only man to ever make you beg.

Jax came out in nothing but a towel around his waist, his hair towel dried and brushed back and musculature ripping as he walked, "aren't you a vision."

He gave no response as he made his way to the bed and dropped his towel. You kept your eyes on his face, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of the ego boost he got when you got an eyeful of his body, "need something my love?"

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, his hand drifting from your neck to the hem of your shirt. He pulled back to kiss you neck and tapped his shoulder, "don't go leaving your wet towel on the floor, unless you want to bust out the carpet cleaner."

The look you got when he pulled back made your heart skip a beat. He bent down and walked away, placing it the hamper before returning, "happy now?"

You nodded, "I am, you never answered my question, do you need something?"

His hand held your face softly as his thumb brushed your lip, "yeah, you begging."

You shook your head, "you can try but I won't give in."

His fingers wove into your hair and he held you still and spoke into your ear, "you always do."

You huffed, "yes but I think you've gotten too big for your boots, so you can try but you'll bend first."

Had it been in a different situation, the tone in your voice would have scared him. His lips found your neck and you removed your shirt, laying back and becoming him with your hand, "give it your best shot."

He pounced, his teeth nipping your skin as he made his way with rough kisses down your body. You wove your hands into his hair and he smiled against your skin. He yanked you closer and threw your legs over his shoulder, placing his hand under you to hold you up and driving in like a man starved.

He paid no attention to the way you flinched at the sudden sensation, his chuckle making it worse as you tried to keep quiet. He stopped for a moment to drop your lower half down onto the bed and make himself more comfortable. You put your hand over your mouth as the pleasure built and sunk your teeth into your palm so you didn't give him the joy of a whine.

You managed to keep the sounds in until the very end but it wasn't the orgasm that broke your resolve, it was Jax stopping. You lifted your head and did your best the glare at him, your voice still shaky, "really Teller, this is the game you're going to play? Because it's never worked well for you before."

He smirked, "yeah but things have changed, I've learned a lot in those classes darlin, I'm a stronger man now."

You exhaled and composed yourself, "oh Jackson, you truly have no idea what you're getting yourself in."

There was that tone again and Jax's dick was begging him to give up, "no I don't but I can handle it."

You pushed yourself up and hopped off the bed, whispering in his ear before heading to the bathroom, "keep telling yourself that my love."

Training: Day Twenty-Four

The kiss you gave Jax in the morning before you left had Jax worried, it lingered and your hand on his face left him wanting more as you pulled away. His worry was confirmed when you walked into the classroom with a gleam in your eyes. Billy blinked and then looked at Jax, shaking his head slightly as he put the pieces in place.

"Beat it, Russo, I'll take over for today."

Billy sighed, "I'm gonna stay, you have a look to you and we can't get blood out of this grout."

You huffed, "probably a good idea."

You picked up the worksheet and looked it over, an idea forming in your head, "Teller, what do I get if I mix gasoline and styrofoam?"

He felt something stir at your tone, "napalm."

You nodded, "good job, what's Irish napalm?"

He swallowed, "a Molotov cocktail with flour and milk, it's called Irish napalm because it was used but the IRA."

You gave him a slight smile, "you are listening, I know you're only a few minutes into the lesson but you think everyone can move to the practical portion?"

Jax shook his head, considering today's lesson was about chemicals and explosives, he didn't want to get anyone blown up, "no, I don't."

You smiled wider, "good, knowing your limits is essential." You turned to Billy, "Perhaps we should up the standard, they're all smart enough to understand a bit more than add this to that or wire this here."

Billy shook his head, "you just want to blow shit up."

You smiled, "yes, it's fun." You flicked your eyes to Jax, "and I think I have another idea."

Billy looked at Jax, slight sympathy over his features, "and what's that?"

You pointed downwards, "we make it a game, they need to earn hints so they can understand the material and to get them they have to best someone at Anvil, we can pair off and everything."

Billy chuckled, "and let me guess, you want Jax?" Had Sam been there, he would have thrown him in as well but Sam didn't need to take this class.

You nodded, "who else would I chose."

Billy turned to the class, "you heard her, head downstairs. We'll set up the course and in the meantime, I suggest you go over everything you've learned over the last few weeks, you're going to need it."

****

Billy helped you place the targets, his eyes giving away his thoughts, "you really shouldn't fuck with the poor man, he's doesn't know what he's getting into."

You smiled, "sure he does, this ends in sex Billy, there are no losers."

Billy huffed, "You say that now but he's looking at you like he doesn't know whether to run away or jump over the table and throw you over his shoulder."

You nodded, "yes, that's half the fun. Plus, doing this let's us plan ahead."

Billy rolled his eyes, "sure it is you sadist."

With the room set up, you called everyone in, "First things first, an accuracy test. The person with the fastest, closest grouping wins. Jackson, you're my opponent. Opie, you have Billy."

With the handing out of hearing protection, the game started. Jax went first, a smirk on his face as he hit each target. The time went off and Billy tried to suppress a smile, "good job, twenty seconds flat. L/n, you're up."

You took Jax's place and raised your weapon, shots following in a flurry before you put the gun back in its holster. You turned to Jax and smiled, "I don't think you can beat that, what's my time Billy?"

Billy sighed, fifteen and your groupings are a lot tighter, which is saying something because Jax's were almost perfect."

Jax clenched his jaw, "You win this round darlin."

Rat turned to Kozik with a concerned look on his face, "This has to be a sex thing."

Kozik's eyes wrinkled, "who losing?"

Rat shrugged, "I think Jax is."

****

The day went on and the Sons were on the back foot from the first second, it took them until the afternoon to get all the hints so they could move on to blowing shit up. When it was finally finished you took Jax into the bathroom to wipe the soot off his face, "did you have fun today my love?"

His eyes closed as the cloth touched his skin, "yeah, you kicking my ass is super hot."

You rolled your eyes, "you are insufferable."

He took your hand and you dropped the cloth as he lifted your fingers to his lips, "I love you."

You smiled and pressed your forehead to his, "I love you too. You know, we can take this ass kicking into the bedroom if you want?"

Jax chuckled, "nope, I will win no matter how much you sweet talk me."

The kiss deepened and his hand held your face as he spun you around and pressed you into the vanity but before his free hand could slid into your pants, your phone rang.

Jax pulled back and allowed you to answer, he could hear bits of the conversation as he ran his hands up and down your body. By the time you hung up, he knew that tonight wasn't going to go his way.

"It's good news and it's bad news. The good news is that we might be able to solve a cold case, the bad news is I have to leave now and I won't be home tonight."

Jax's hand landed on your cheek and this thumb brushed your lips, "that's alright darlin, I'm not going anywhere." He lips found yours and he kissed you softly, "I love you."

You rubbed his nose with yours, "I love you too."

Training: Day Twenty Six

Jax was sitting in class the next day, his eyes tired after a night with your side of the bed cold. He was trying to focus on the class but all he could think of was how he was a painful mix of pent up and exhausted, if you walked through the door right now, he would have let you win.

He made it till lunch till he broke, but you didn't pick up when he called. He imagined you were still busy, hunched over a steel table, trying to make sense of a bunch of bones so he was shocked when he saw you walk by then through the glass windows along the wall. He would have thought he was a dream but you popped your head in a flashed him a smile before turning to the man teaching the class who's name he couldn't remember.

"Can I steal Jackson?"

The teacher nodded, "yeah, the class is over soon and he isn't paying attention anyway."

Jax all but jumped up and followed you. You took his hand and walked him through the halls, up a set of back stairs, down another hall and to a supply closet. With a swipe of your card, the door beeped and popped open and you led Jax inside.

"What are we doing here darlin?"

You smiled, "talking. I propose a truce of sorts. We are in a stalemate, I'm not going to break, and you're not going to cave but you're performance in this course is dropping and I almost stabbed a cop last night. So I brought you here, to supply closet K. It has all the shit we never used so it's only use is sex and harshing shit out when you don't want to be bothered."

Jax smirked, "this looks a lot like you breaking."

You shook your head, "do you want to fuck or not, because I can walk out of here right now but we both know you don't want that. I'm not saying this ends our game, I'm saying we've paused it. Plus, I'm not above getting myself off, you can't stop me and since we didn't establish that I couldn't when this started, it's fair game."

Jax clenched his jaw, "you've thought of everything, haven't you?"

You nodded, "I have, so are you going to stand there with a semi or are you going to do something?" Jax was already stepping closer to you are before you knew it, you were pressed up against the wall between two metal shelves.

"Are you sure no one's going to come here looking for something?"

You shrugged as his lips brushed your ear, "no idea, so make it quick."

He pulled off your shirt and dropped it on the floor as your fingers fumbled for his pants, Jax grunting as you got your hands around his cock. His mouth skated along your chest as you stroked him to full hardness, then his hand was wrapped around your wrist and pinning it to the wall as his other hand untied your scrubs and yanked them down to your knees.

Jax's hand slid under the waistband and into your panties, a grunt falling from his lips as his fingers moved through your slit, "you're wet, you must be desperate if this is all it took."

You nipped his neck, "no, it's not, I've been thinking about you fucking me against the wall in this closet since I left the lab."

Jax chuckled as his fingers slipped inside you and his palm pressed against your clit. Your head fell against the wall as he scissored his fingers open, his rough bread scraping your skin as you did your best to suppress your moans.

You could tell Jax was just as pent up because he was pressed against your thigh, and his chest was heaving. The hand around your wrist was firm and you hoped you'd get the walk out of there without any signs of what was happening but if Jax had anything to say about it, your neck would tell the story anyway.

He stopped as you approached the edge and pulled his fingers away, breaking from your skin to suck them into his mouth before pulling your panties down, grabbing his cock and running it up and down your core, "you want this?"

You smiled, "fuck yeah." He didn't wait to slide inside you, his head falling against your shoulder as he slid home. He dropped your wrist and rested his hand against the wall, then used the other to your knee and lifted your thigh over his hip, adding more of his weight so you were trapped between the wall and his hard chest as his hips started to move.

You gripped his shirt for balance as his hand moved from your thigh to your clit, his fingers moving in messy circles. You buried your face in his neck and he grunted as your teeth sunk into his skin, "Jax please."

He gasped and tried to gather himself, "that sounds like begging to me."

You bit him harder, and he slammed into you in retaliation. The edge was approaching like an oncoming train, "come on darlin, I can feel how hard you're..."

The keypad started to beep and Jax's hips came to a stop, his head flicking towards the door, "I thought you said no one came this way?"

You shrugged, "they don't. It doesn't matter anyway, I locked the door."

Knock knock

"Is anyone there?" You knew that voice.

You took a deep breath, "yes, I'm a but busy now Mr Lowe, is it urgent?"

"No ma'am. Is everything alright, you sound a little out of breath?"

Jax's hips started to move again, it was only a fraction but it was enough, and your effort to glare at him was ruined when his fingers resumed their movement, "all good, I just had to get something up high. Thank you Mr Lowe."

"Sure, are you sure you don't need help?"

Jax looked at you with mischief in his eyes and you slapped your hand over his mouth, "no thank you Staff Sergeant. They need help in the vehicle bay, please make yourself busy."

"Yes ma'am."

As his footsteps moved away, Jax's thrusts returned to their pace before the interruption and you shoved his shoulder to no effect, "what was that about Teller?" His lips found yours and angled his hips so the head of his cock brushed your G-spot, "are you going to answer me Jackson?"

"You're hot when you're mad."

Before you could respond, he picked up speed and sealed his lips on yours. You gasped in his mouth as your legs started to shake and Jax smiled against your skin, pulling back just far enough to speak, "come on darlin, let go for me before we have any more interruptions.

You gathered up enough fortitude to nibble his lower lips and reply, "that sounds like begging to me."

Jax faulted, his desperation catching up to yours, "You're being a brat."

You smiled and rolled your hips, "you love it."

Jax's forehead fell to yours as he forced himself to hold off, "please darlin, make it easy for both of us."

Your mouth fell open, Jax's tone giving you the final push as his rolling hips and precise fingers brought the orgasm out of you. Jax's hips became almost punishing as he chased his high, his harsh grunts filling your ear as his body moved against yours. With one last thrust, he painted your walls, his knees buckled as you leaned against the wall while he leaned against you to stop both of you from falling.

He sighed in the crook of your neck then righted himself, slipping from you with a groan and rubbing his damp forehead with the back of his hand, "if that was the pause to the stalemate, I'm excited to see what's going to happen when I finally win."

You shook your head, "there's no time to think about that now. You're very late for class and Frank isn't as understanding as Billy."

Jax sighed and helped you put yourself back together, "you're not getting me into trouble are you?"

You smiled, "it's a happy accident. Now hurry up, or I'm going to be in the shit too for being immature."

You threw the door open and headed out, retracing your steps back to the classrooms and into the new class. Frank was standing there with his arms crossed, looking very unimpressed, "nice of you to finally join us Jackson."

You held up a hand, "hey, it's was my fault and there no need to jump on his back. He's your friend not your subordinate."

Frank crossed his arms, "exactly, that's why I expect better from both of you. This is meant to make your life easier, pulling him away from a screw in the sex closest should be reserved for when he can watch your six."

You blinked, "I not going to glorify that with an answer. Don't be hard on him."

Frank burst into laughter, "I'm not, don't worry. Nice to see you being the immature one for once Morticia."

You held up your middle finger as you walked out, "fuck you Castle." You turned back to Jax, "sorry my love."

He shook his head and smiled, "don't worry about it darlin. You better head back to work, you've got a case to solve."

You smiled, "love you."

Jax felt his chest get warm at the public declaration, "love you too."

Training: Final Day

They showed up on their last day, still recovering from Disoa's grand opening to the lot empty. There were cars in the lot, Jax recognised yours and Billy's but other than that, there was nothing, not even the inside lights were turned on. As they approached the entrance, the automatic door swung open and a computerised voice rang out, "move to your assembly point, your final tests starts now."

They raced to the place they met on day one, there was a table in the middle of the room covered in equipment, black jumpsuits, night vision and fake guns. They paused before their eyes landed on a note and Jax plucked it off the pile of items.

"Get dressed and be ready, the fun starts the moment the facility shuts its doors."

They were left with no doubt about what the note meant as they started to get ready, the metal shutters on all the windows closing one by one as the sound of the outside doors slamming shut filled their ears while the darkness slowly grew.

Just as the last man pulled the night vision goggles over his head, blackness cloaked the room and the voice returned, "the hunt begins gentlemen, you are matched in numbers, don't let your skill be your downfall."

Before Jax could say anything, there was a thud and a rolling clink. Kozik reconsigned the sound and managed to yell the first few sounds before the flashbang went off. Their ears rang and the night vision whited out in a painful flash of brightness. Jax gathered himself as fast as he could, splitting up his men into teams and yelling orders as they broke off.

Jax went in the direction that the offensive device came from, mindful that his battle dress was the same one he had worn throughout the month. A fancy mix of Lamés fencing amour and a laser tag suit, it lit up the moment a tagged weapon or "bullet" made contact.

Opie and Happy followed at his heels, looking in each direction as the hallway spread out, "there's no way they're in the area. They would have ducked through a door by the time we got our wits about us."

Jax nodded, "you're right Ope. We'll go towards the vehicle bay, they'd go to the middle of the building."

You listened as Penelope gave you updates through the cameras and wondered how long before someone thought to tamper with them. Billy smiled as the information came through the earpiece, "you wanna cut them off at the knees and head home before lunch?"

You shook your head, "no, Bobby and Tig and heading towards to pool so I'm going for a swim," you smiled at him, "I know you want to come out of that water like the creature from the black lagoon."

He sighed, "alright, I wasn't planning on it but it will be fun. That scene in Sinister did scare the shit out of me."

You chuckled, "the one where you can see the bad guy in the water while the family is being offed? That was my inspiration."

You and Billy made your way down the long hall, checking every corner before going forward. As you rounded the last doorway, you could hear people coming closer. You held a finger up to your mouth and pointed to the hall bathroom, running inside as the sound of voices filled your ears.

"Kozik and Rat, you wanna take them out?"

Billy shot you a smile, his face wrinkling in the green light of the goggles, "fuck yeah."

You opened the door a crack and poked your head out before taking a spare battery for the goggles out of your pocket and throwing it down the hall. You waited to hear their footsteps before Billy grabbed the door as you prepared to pop out of the room. With a one, two three count, Billy flung the door open and you stepped out. Kozik and Rat barely had the chance to register what had happened before the laser hit their chests one after the other.

There was a beep and the voice came back, "Two down on the away team, please follow the lights to the other side of the building, there's cake waiting for you." With that, a path on the floor lit off and they walked off.

"To the pool?"

Billy sighed, "sure."

****

Jax held his hand up as the footsteps grew closer, he didn't risk speaking into his radio for fear that the people they heard weren't on their team. He was proven right when the soft sound of voices didn't come through his earpiece. He waved Happy and Ope backwards and they popped around a corner, the voices coming ever closer.

"They'll be on top of us soon. Hap, you go against that wall and we'll hit them when they walked across the hallway." Jax's heart rate rose as their footfalls filled the air, the rush of adrenaline as the gun barrel came into view.

BANG BANG BANG

"That's three down on away team and two down on the home team, Mr Lowman, please follow the lights of the floor. The rest of you have two minutes to leave the area before your suits are active again."

****

The room slowly filled with people as both sides took losses. A soaking wet Tig had Aden scratching his head and Tig sighed, "y/n yanked me into the pool."

Bobby laughed, "yeah, at least I had the smarts not to walk so close to the edge."

Tig huffed, "you still got shot."

Ope looked around the room with a soft smile, "there are only two people left."

Billy shook his head, nursing his ego after losing to Jax in a knife fight, "she's going to kick his ass."

Ope huffed, "you sure? He kicked your ass and you're meant to be a knife expert."

Billy rolled his eyes, "I'll admit, he got the jump on me but he's not going to get the jump on y/n."

****

It occurred to Jax that the count had left him and another person and he wondered who it was. He took each step with caution, aware that the he could be walking into a well set trap. He got his answer when there was a buzz on his radio and your voice filled his ears, "looks like it's just you and me my love, congrats of besting Russo."

Jax huffed, "how did you know?"

He could hear your smile, "I'm disappeared your never noticed, look up."

He looked around and his eyes landed on the black lump on the ceiling, "you been watching us?"

He felt stupid for not thinking of it but then no one did, "just me, I didn't want to make it too unfair. If you put your gun down now and surrender, I'll make it easy on you."

Jax smirked as he stopped in the middle of the hall, "no way in hell. If you want to end this, you're going to have to fight me for it fair and square."

Suddenly, your voice wasn't in the ear, it was behind him, "you're on."

Jax spun and lunged at you and you dove under his reaching arm. You took off into a run with Jax hot on your heels, flinging a door open and running through the doorway.

Jax was kicking himself for not paying more attention because you had led him right into the vehicle bay, where there were plenty of places to hide. He took a breath and composed himself, going over everything he had learned over the last month.

He looked over the room, if you hadn't jumped out of your hiding place and shot him, it meant you were in the mood for a more hands on fight and he was more than happy of accommodate. He lifted the gun of his shoulder and place it on the ground, "the gun's gone darlin, come out and we can this the old fashioned way."

He did his best not the lose his confidence as you popped out of the last place he would have looked, had you planned to end it fast, he never would have seen you.

He could see you smile and remove your helmet and goggles as you stepped closer, "what, in the dark, with our hands like animals?"

He made sure to let his own helmet thud a little as he took it off, his eyes adjusting to the dark. Just as he picked out your shape, it rushed towards him and he shifted into action. He raced to meet you in the middle of the room, closing the small gap as you reached out to get control of the knife in his right hand. It was a flurry as you joined, his back slamming into your ground as you swept his feet out from under him.

He took you with him, hooked his leg around yours and rolled over. You knew you were beaten when you had to drop your knife in favour of grabbing Jax's wrist in your hands to stop him from making contact with your suit. You pushed against his hand with all your might but it was no use, he was so much stronger than you, without trying at all, his push down and the tip of the plastic knife touch the fabric over your chest.

The windows rolled up slowly and the afternoon light came pouring in, "away team wins by one."

You shook your head, "I swear I hate that fucking voice."

Jax chuckled, "I win."

You huffed, "only because I didn't want to break your wrist."

Jax swallowed, "I think there's a lesson there."

You shook your head, 'no, I just love that look on your face, that mix of scared and turned on really gets me going."

Jax sighed and pulled you into his arms, "I love you darlin."

You smiled wide and pecked him, "I love you too and I'm very proud of you Jackson, you should be too."

Part 62

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omg-im-such-a-masochist · 3 years

Text

RESISTERE TENTATIONEM: CAPITULUM II

TĒCTUS: Covered, concealed, hidden, having been covered, hidden or concealed

Pairings: Damian Priest x Reader

Warnings: +18, mature content

Editor: @thenightmareismyreality

Tag: @ziasaph , @theworldofotps , @alyhull , @bellalutionn , @aerynscrichton , @serpantscorpio8497 , @ava-valerie , @omegasshyghuleh6661ghosts , @squirreledelman , @cazxcx , @sophiewolfheart-blog , @bayley-no-friends , @waywardwrestlewritingwaif , @sassymox

Notes: I would like to thank @letsgivethisonemoreshot , for not only being my partner in crime with this trilogy but also being one of the best friends someone could ever have 😘 This is fully written in Damian’s POV. If you’d like to check out my previous works, you can find them on my Masterlist

Want to hear a joke that’s really in poor taste? The Mother Superior of the famous Mary Magdalene Convent (isn’t that ironic) is being accused of hosting ‘parties’ to the oh so loving convent donors. And you know who isn’t invited to those parties? Jesus Christ. Because the Devil sure loves to be a part of them! Drugs, orgies, alcohol, prostitution, even black masses... you name it! Everything that is unholy happens in the so-called house of holiness, and if that isn’t a bad taste joke, I don’t know what is.

So here I am now, driving towards the Devil’s den: the Mary Magdalene convent for three torturous days of interviews. Out of all of the reporters from The New York Times, of course I was the one who drew the short straw and got assigned this article. Some people see this as a career changing opportunity... a blessing, but me? I see it as a fucking curse! I don’t like religion, I don’t like churches, I don’t like priests and I sure as hell don’t like nuns! Anything that has the word “holy” in it, I prefer to be as far away as I possibly can from. But today was not my lucky day….no, today was the day that I was going to be tested. The only thing I’m hoping for is to not fail.

I knocked on the convent’s door and a young lady answered me.

“Hi, good morning. I’m Damian Priest, reporter from The New York Times and I’m here for an interview with” I looked down at my notepad “Mrs. Y/N L/N? Whom I believe is the Mother Superior”

The young girl only nodded once and motioned for me to follow her, without saying a word.

I followed her in, mesmerized by the size of the convent, the whole place was fancy as fuck on the inside. Art pieces from famous painters were displayed on the walls, modern furniture, dim lights that made the place look cozy and inviting. *What a scam* I thought to myself. The young lady in front of me suddenly stopped walking and pointed towards the door in front of her before turning around and leaving.

Presuming that it was the Mother Superior’s office, I knocked on the door twice before someone told me to come in. You see, when they told me I was going to be interviewing the Mother Superior of a convent, the last thing I expected was for her to not only be beautiful, but young (considering I was under the impression that women in that position were around sixty years old). She was breathtaking to say the least! Soft features, her skin had an angelic glow to it and there was something in her eyes that trapped you in them...something you could not turn your gaze away from no matter how bad you wanted to.

“Mr. Priest, please sit down” She smiled

I nodded and sat on the chair in front of her desk

“Thank you for taking some time out of your busy schedule to speak with me, Mother Y/L/N-“

“Please, call me Y/N” Her sultry voice spoke

“Y/N” I tested the word on my lips and it sounded oddly pleasant

She smiled softly and...fuck she’s gorgeous! Her beauty was a painful and constant reminder of what you couldn’t have, couldn’t touch, couldn’t-“

“Mr. Priest?” She said softly

“Damian”

“Damian, would you like something to drink? Coffee, water, juice, tea perhaps?”

“No, I’m good. Thank you” I answered, while grabbing my notepad and a pen out of my backpack. Clearing my throat, I said “Can we get started with the pre-interview?”

“Of course” She smiled widely and reached for a cigarette pack on top of the table, which made me raise an eyebrow

“We all have our dirty little secrets, don’t we, Damian?” She asked, licking the cigarette filter before sucking it

*Am I going crazy?* I thought to myself

“Damian? Your first question is?” She giggled

“Ummm” I cleared my throat once again “Y/N, recently the convent was involved in a huge scandal involving drugs, prostitution, orgies and black masses. Would you like to clarify why an institution that’s deeply connected to the church is in the middle of something so profane?”

She grinned “God is in the most profane things, Damian. After all, the sinners are the ones who need Him the most, aren’t they?”

“I’m not sure if I follow-”

“You see” She took a long drag on her cigarette and walked towards me “God is our Lord and savior. He forgives us from our sins, grants us forgiveness to our most foul actions” She sat down on the chair beside me “If you steal from someone and repent; He’ll forgive you, kill someone and repent; He’ll save you, cheat on your wife with the hot, young next door neighbor and repent; He’ll brush it underneath the carpet and pretend it never happened” She shrugged “God doesn’t judge, Damian. He only forgives” She leaned forward on the arm of the chair, until she was uncomfortably close to me “So if the big boss himself doesn't judge anyone, then why should I?”

“And what does judgment have to do with drugs, orgies and sin?”

She smiled “How can God forgive you if you don’t sin, Damian?”

“And how can God forgive his so-called followers who incite others to sin, Y/N?”

“Incite others to sin?” She chuckled “Are you talking about the allegations, the donors or yourself?” She smirked

………………………………………………….......................

Since we’re so far from town I was informed that I would have to spend the night at the convent. They showed me my bedroom and it looked pretty fancy. King size bed, Egyptian sheets, expensive furniture. Everything was oddly normal, except for the weird dream I recalled having. I was at the convent, lost, calling for help because I somehow ended up locked in here. I was inside what looked like a large basement, the room was only lit by red lights, a faint smell of leather took over my nostrils as I heard someone moaning softly in my ear…a woman. And the weirdest thing was that I could’ve sworn I felt her breath against my ear. Needless to say I woke up with my dick as hard as a rock and had to spend a solid thirty minutes trying to get rid of a very painful boner, which did not leave me no matter how many times I came. Half hard and inside a convent...yeah, I’m definitely going to Hell!

“How did you sleep, Damian?” Was the first thing I was asked when I walked into the Mother Superior’s office in the morning. Something in her voice told me she knew exactly what I had done underneath the shower.

“Good”

“I bet you woke up feeling much better after a good night of rest, right?” She smiled devilishly and I just nodded

“Would you mind if we took a tour through the convent at some point?” I asked, quickly changing subjects

“Of course not! Let me know when you want one”

I nodded and began to ask my questions

“So, why do so many men keep coming and going from this convent? Seems like the place men shouldn’t be”

“The only men who come to the convent, Damian, are maintenance, the donors for the ‘thank you parties’ we host and now you” She smiled

“How do you get so many people to keep donating?”

“We don’t oblige anyone to do anything. People are still kind enough to see the work we do for those in need and they get touched by it. So God is the one who inspires them to donate, Damian. Not me”

“I’ve noticed a lot of fancy things here. Shouldn’t the money be going to something else?”

“The ‘fancy’ things you see are gifts from the donors. Things they felt in their hearts they should give us freely. We don’t buy things for the convent, apart from food. That’s one of the rules”

“Speaking of rules” I looked at her “Why are you smoking? Isn't that not allowed?”

“We don’t have rules against smoking here, Damian. The choice to do it or not is personal, but there are no rules for it. It’s not forbidden or a sin. Now, if you think nuns shouldn’t smoke, I suggest you pay a visit to the convents in Rome and give them a piece of your mind about their choices regarding health”

I chuckled at her comeback

“Why so cynical about our good intentions?” She licked her lips

“Because you don’t have any” I spat

“We live for helping those in need, Damian” She pointed towards my visible bulge

“Helping those in need, huh? And what do you get out of it?”

She walked towards me “Satisfaction in its purest form” She lifted one hand up and caressed my lower belly over my shirt “It’s incredible how much providing relief to others can trigger the biggest pleasure in our bodies...to see their eyes semi-closed in...relief is so rewarding to me”

I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably. “And just how needy do these people have to be?” I was speaking in financial terms of course

“Very needy” Her hand toyed with my jeans button “Some even have trouble sleeping due to their neediness, so you can see how a helping hand goes so well in this case...even the right mouth, you know to profess the Lord’s word”

“And just how many of these ‘charitable acts’ have you been involved with?” I felt my cock grow harder and harder

“Directly? Only when things get too hard, Damian” Her hand brushed against my hard bulge “That’s when I offer my help, so things can stop getting so hard and painful”

I gulped as I tried to shift away from her touch “So what, you just have all these other poor girls do your dirty work for you?” I try to keep my serious composure

“I’m not afraid of getting dirty, Damian. The girls do what they can, what they’re instructed to...but sometimes things get so hard that I have no other option but intervene” She pulled the fly of my jeans down “Then, once the seed of evil is finally spilled, things can go back to being soft again” She leaned in closer “Would you like a demonstration, Damian? I’m sure you have some kind of evil inside you that needs to be released” She asked with a sinister smile reaching her hand into the waistband of my boxer briefs

“I’m just here for work, Y/N, I have nothing to donate”

“Don’t worry about it. My girls will not be involved in this...it will be our little secret”

“I would like the tour now, please”

She smirked “Of course” and stepped away from me “This way” She went out the door as if nothing had happened

“Psycho bitch” I whispered to myself, as I pulled the fly of my jeans up and tied my hoodie around my waist to cover up the boner.

“This way we have the nuns bedrooms” She pointed towards a hallway “Kitchen, restrooms, archives, laundry room, storage for cleaning supplies, pantry” She explained each room, until we were outside “The patio, garden; where we cultivate flowers, fruits and vegetables, garage and the chapel is this way”

She walked towards a medium sized chapel in the middle of the garden, it looked like a regular chapel on the inside. It had an altar with a bible on it, a pulpit, a big cross, devotional statues of catholic saints, wooden benches and a confessional. Candles were lit up all over the place and everything looked normal. Scarily normal, until I noticed a few nuns who were sat on one of the benches staring at me with a weird look on their eyes

“Why are they looking at me like that?” I asked Y/N

“Like what?”

“Like, with...” I trailed off

“With desire?” She whispered in a mocking tone

I looked down at her speechless

“One could say that you’re a little too obsessed with the lust theme, Damian” She smiled “It’s all you can think about ever since you got here, dear. You should be careful” She licked her lips and pulled me by my hand towards her office again.

………………………........................................................

Later that night while I was trying to get some sleep, I began to hear some mumbling. Muffled voices kept saying something unintelligible and filling up the bedroom with mainly female voices. But one of the voices sounded too familiar to me...

I stood up from the bed and began to search in the room where those voices could be coming from, and as I almost gave up, I found it. A small hole of the size of a coin, in the concrete wall in front of my bed. Scooting closer to the wall, I knelt down and peeked through the hole, but weirdly enough, the room was pitch black. The mumbling started again and they soon became moans. Above all the moaning voices, one stood out to me. It was Y/N’s voice, she moaned softly while she said something I couldn’t quite understand. Her voice was filled with lust, her moans were pornographic and I could swear she was moaning my name. It both frightened and turned me on, so I did what any wise man would do. I returned to the bed, laid down and jerked off before falling into a deep slumber.

..................................................................................

“Wake up” Someone softly whispered in my ear

I quickly opened my eyes and my heart was beating at a frantic pace due to the fright.

A young girl was sitting down on my bed “Please, follow me” was all she said before standing up and leaving my room

I was so confused that I didn’t even bother to grab a t-shirt, so I just followed her down the hall barefoot and only with a pair of sweatpants on. Looking outside the hallway windows, I could see that the sky was still dark, which could only mean it was the late hours of morning.

She took me inside the laundry room and pressed a button underneath the folding clothes table. A door opened and a red light lit up the dark wooden stairs. I continued to follow her down the stairs, and we began to walk down a long hallway that looked more like a basement. The whole place had only red lights as the lighting source, so it took my eyes a while to get used to it.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked, but only received silence as a response

We walked for what felt like ten minutes until we reached a black wooden door with an iron door knocker. She knocked on the door four times and left.

“Is this a prank?” I asked myself, after five minutes of standing there alone. Suddenly the door opened, but I couldn’t see anything other than darkness ahead

“Hello?” I called from the doorway, but no one answered back

The thing that made me such a great reporter was my utter curiosity, and even with all my senses screaming ‘don’t go in there!’ I decided to listen to my curious side instead, and went into the room. As soon as I stepped a foot inside, the door behind me closed shut.

The room was pitch black and I stumbled across a few items. I placed my hand on top of what felt like a table so I could try to guide myself through the room, at least back to the door again so I could leave. When suddenly I felt several pairs of soft hands on my torso pulling me back.

“What the fuck?” I gasped in shock

But before I could make a move, my wrists and ankles were tied to a wooden surface and a red light turned on in the room

Five nuns were in front of me, staring silently at my body

“Leave” Someone said from behind me, and the nuns obeyed and left

“I would be lying if I said you weren’t a beautiful sight” Y/N said, and and walked in front of me

“You psycho bitch” I growled and pulled at the restraints “Let me go!”

She smiled “Oh Damian...You don’t want that!” Her nails softly scratched my lower belly “And neither do I”

“You’re sick! Let me go, you fucking-“

“Na ah” She slapped me across the face “I’m done playing these pretending games” She lit up a cigarette “Pretend you didn’t jerk off to my moans, pretending you don’t want to fuck me...that gets tiring” She dipped her hand inside my sweatpants and found my semi hard bulge “You’ve wanted to fuck me ever since you laid eyes on me” She giggled and I licked my dry lips

“Those sinful, filthy, thoughts you’ve had, Damian” She closed her fist around my erection “You wanted to know what we do here, right? We purge that demon out of you” And scooted closer until her lips brushed against my own with every word she spoke

“We send him away, so he can’t bother you anymore” She freed my cock from my pants and began to pump her hand up and down “We release you from the seed of evil”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I panted

Y/N knelt down in front of me and darted her tongue out, licking my slit “Give me the seed of evil, Damian” and gave an open mouth kiss on my tip “Feed me with it” Licked the underside of my shaft “Release yourself from what’s been bothering you ever since you got here” Darting her tongue out “Use me to purify your soul” And opened her mouth wider.

At such a sight I had no other option but to buck my hips forward…

And chase for my cleansing

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bump1nthen1ght · 4 years

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Deep Blue Sea (Shark Merman x Reader) Chapter 1

Pairing: Gender Neutral! Reader/Shark Merman

Genre: Urban Fantasy, Soulmate AU

Warning: None

Word Count: 2682 words

Summary: You have a chat with your soulmate

Prologue

“So, you want some?”

He takes your stunned silence as no, checking that the crab is fully dead before pulling off a leg and biting the meat inside. His teeth catch the light of the setting sun, glinting white in between chunks of crab.

“So were-”

“Soulmates? Yeah, looks like it.” He, your soulmate, cracks off another leg and begins to chew. You find yourself transfixed watching him, mind reeling with questions. He uses the sharp claws on the tips of his fingers to dig out more meat. You’re not even sure where to begin.

“What do we do know?”

He shrugs, sucking out the last of the crab leg and tossing it aside.

“Dunno, guess this mystery is solved though.” He taps his wrist and you get a closer look at his soulmate mark.

It loosely resembles a human compass, yet alien in it’s design.There’s eight large symbols, none of which you recognize, and the arrow is slightly misshapen before straightening to a point.

“I always assumed my soulmate was in the Atlantic or something, maybe even a selkie. When that thought always drove my ma up the reef.” He sighs, pressing his chin against his palm as he lays against a rock. “Wonder how she’ll take this. Maybe she’ll turn a whole new shade of blue.”

His chuckle is low, rough against your ears, but not entirely unpleasant.

You can see more of his backside as he scoots closer into the tidepool. The first thing you notice is just how big he is, his tail stretching from his hips to the open ocean. The second thing you notice are the defined muscles which stretch and flex along his back.

Okay, what the fuck.

There’s a pressure building in your temples and you think you're beginning to overload. Your fucking soulmates eyes wander, looking nonchalant as can be beforeperking up when he sees another crab. His body slithering away from you to snatch it up snaps you out of shutdown mode.

“Uh, I guess….what’s your name?” He doesn’t take his eyes off his soon to be snack, only humming to acknowledge he even heard you. “I think that’s a good place to start, don’t you?” That at least gets you a chuckle, followed by a tiny crack!

“Cruz, you can call me Cruz.” You make eye contact as he takes a long, languid bite of crab. Your furrow your eyebrows, face unimpressed. He lights up with a mischievous grin.

“Is that your real name?”

“Nope,” Cruz says, popping the p and breaking open a claw, “But I don’t think you could pronounce my name so…..”

The tension in your jaw tights as he turns away from you once more,humming to himself and letting out a soft “Oh!” as the other leg reveals quite a bit of meat. You rub your brow and sigh.

“My names _____”

“Neat.”

In high school, your mom got the yearbook epithet “biggest social butterfly.” Your dad, however, was barely presentable on picture day and a social circle consisting of the three fellow chess-club members. You were a lot like your dad in many ways.

The conversation, to say the least, seemed to float on the water like a dead fish, and you had no idea how to resuscitate it. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t natural, it wasn’t that missing piece yoru guidance counselor said it would and dammit, it’s kind of pissing you off. You’re pissed off that it’s pissing you off, because when has making first impressions ever been easy for you? Did you think this was going to be different, because what, a stupid mark on your wrist? That has no basis in logic, not even a little bit.

You refuse to dignify any emotions similar to disappointment which begin to well inside you, because it’s ridiculous. You worked hard to get to California, you’ve worked hard your whole damn life, what's stopping you from working now?

“Welp, seems I scared away all the other crabs.” Cruz huffs and places his hands on his...hips? “Been nice chatting _____, but I got dinner to catch.” Cruz looks back at you as he slinks into the water, sending a salute and a wink.

The words bubble up in your chest before you can catch them as he begins to swim away.

“Wait, but, um, I-” Your commands fall clumsily out of your mouth and barely leaves a ripple on the water. Cruz doesn’t turn around.

You feel the heat sizzling up your neck and face as you look at his back. Flashes of him, the arrow, your mom, that stupid guidance counselor paint the inside of your eyelids.

No.

“Will you wait a second!”

The scream barely echoes in the small tidepool, but it’s enough to catch Cruz’s attention. He whips back to you, eyes slightly wide. You realize just how hard you’re breathing.

“I-, just, can you meet me here? Tomorrow?” Cruz's expression stays still, only the slightest bit of confusion crossing his eyes as he raises his brow. “I want to get to know you better.”

“Oh, um, okay.”

….

“What time….. do you want to meet up?” Cruz looks far less mischievous and much more sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck with a clawed hand and looking up at you from under his eyelids.

“How about 5PM?”

Cruz narrows his eyes.

“I don’t know what that means.”

Ah, right, merman.

“About three hours before sunset. I mean, do you know how long an hour-”

“Yes, I know how long an hour is. I’m not a pup.” Cruz rolls his eyes

Well, the sass returns.

The two of you stay in that position for a little too long. You begin to rub your arms as the cold of the sea breeze and your social anxiety slowly come back to you.

“See you tomorrow, I guess.” With a hesitant nod, his black-blue eyes looking pensive, he submerges. Your breath comes back to you in a wave as your soulmate swims into the open ocean.

The walk back to civilization is a blur, the pounding voice in your head drawing out all other noise yet barely making sense itself.

You’re not sure what you expected of the first meeting with your soulmate, but it certainly wasn’t that.

---------

The next day, Cruz is waiting for you at the tidepool by 4:55 PM, shucking an oyster with one of his claws. He looks up as your feet splash into the tidepool. You wave.

“Hey.”

It’s an understatement to say the silence is uncomfortable. You take a beach towel out of your bag and begin to lay it on a large rock. The task helps keep your mind distracted, but you feel Cruz’s eyes burn into your back.

“So, I guess, what are you exactly?” You say, sitting yourself down.

“Merman’s best word I’ve heard you humans use, so that.” Cruz has shifted his focus back on his oyster, which he then downs with one swallow.

“I see, I see. Are all mer-folk as big as you?” That catches Cruz’s attention. A self-satisfied smirk grows on his face as he puffs out his chest.

“Not at all. I’m a Great White and we’re one of the…” Cruz extends his arms art in front of him, flexing his fingers and his biceps in a decidedly braggadocious manner, “bigger species out there.” He finishes his statement with a playful wink. A tiny smile crawls on your face.

Interesting. Male Great Whites are typically around 12 feet, but Cruz is only about 9 feet. I wonder why that is?

“I can see that.” Cruz shifts, ego now lifted, and lays his weight on his right elbow, facing you. “You mentioned a mother, do you have a clan?” Cruz nods.

“Yup. It’s my ma, my dad, my two older sisters, and me. Plus two other families. My ma’s parents were from this reef.”

It’s difficult for you to fight the instinct to whip out your notebook and jot all this down.Your inner scientist screams to pry into the complex social hierarchy and behaviour patterns of this new species. But the more sane part of you knows that would probably be pushing some boundaries.

“Wow, so you’re a true Californian, huh?” Cruz squints his eyes at you. “Uh, that’s where we are. The territory Santa Cruz lies in.”

He gives a low hum, reaching for another oyster nearby. This movement is far more natural than his earlier show, but you still get a full glimpse of his cut shoulder muscle and tight abdominals. It stirs something in you.

Would he have the swimmer’s V? Okay, stop, focus.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He pries open the oyster, staring at the soft meta inside. “A member of the clan, born and bred.” Cruz brushed the pad of his finger on the shell, his voice holding a quiet bitterness, tinted somber.

Should you comfort him? He’s within touching distance, but the thought of grabbing his hand feels too intimate, soulmate-ship be damned.

Before you can make a move, Cruz throws his head back and gulps down the oyster. He shakes his head and lets out a small “Ah~”, then pushes his short hair back against his skull. Whatever emotion that was there before, it’s gone.

“Where are you from?”

“East Coast, bordering the Atlantic. So you weren’t too far off.”

“Well, I’m not just a pretty face.” Cruz winks at you, but his eye catches a scuttling crab nearby. He gets low in the water, moving slowly to catch it by surprise. You don’t hum the Jaws theme, despite how much you want to.

“No siblings, just me and my parents.” Cruz doesn’t look away, even as he kills the crab.

“Lucky. How big's your clan?” The familiar crack of the shell follows.

“We don’t really,” crack “...have those. Humans can-” crack “We typically live near each other-” crack “but don’t get that-” crack “....close.”

Cruz hums contently, but you can clearly see it’s from the crab and not your one sided conversation. He sucks juice off his fingers. Seems you’ve lost him once again.

I didn’t expect this to be so difficult.

“Have you ever had cooked crab?” Cruz perks immediately, slowly turning back towards you.

Got ‘im.

----------

You return with two warm lobster rolls, a bag of crab legs, and some shrimp scampi. Cruz’s black-blue eyes just peak out of the water, suspicious.

“So these two are lobster, actually, but this,” You shake the crab-bag, “is all crab. I thought I ‘d get you a couple things to sample.”

Cruz’s nose (Is it a nose? There’s a ridge but you’re not sure if the slits count as nostrils. Questions for later.) just breaches the water as you set the crab-bag down and settle on your rock. You grab a couple of legs for yourself before nudging it closer to him. “Have at it, it’s pretty self-explanatory.” You say midst a large bit of your lobster roll. The whole meal was not cheap, so you decided to indulge in this treat as much as you can. You’ve had a stressful couple of days.

Cruz slowly approaches the plastic, snatching it up quickly before looking inside it. His eyes widen and there's a small smile on his lips as he pulls a long leg out. His smile only grows bigger.

“Oh, also!” You clap, pointing towards the bag and jolting Cruz out of his food-induced joy. “There’s sauce, garlic butter, shit like that in those little plastic containers at the bottom. You dip the crab meat in them.” You take another large bit of lobster roll and hear Cruz break into a crab leg. Cruz gets his mouth ready to take a big bite before pausing. His eyes flit between the lef and the garlic butter, before he slowly pulls the lid off and dips the meat in. Cruz then takes the tiniest bite possible.

His eyes, black as they are, light up. He quickly takes another, larger bite. It’s quite adorable, like a baby trying ice cream for the first time. Cruz devours the leg quickly before snapping into another sauce.

“You like it?” Cruz nods, cheeks stuffed with crab meat as you giggle.

“What kind of craf is fiss?”

“Dungeness. That’s commonly eaten by humans. They’ve got some of the highest meat value and they're all over the West Coast.” Cruz nods, though you’re not sure he understands parts of your sentence. “They’re also pretty sustainable to fish, although ocean acidity is kinda fucking with their babies. It’s also been fucking with Red King Crabs, which sucks because their only found in like, four places and are so beautiful and also sustainable and-” Cruz has stopped eating and is staring at you. After a big, long breath in you realize how fast you were talking. You feel the what of your blush on the base of your neck. “Sorry, I’ll let you eat. I just...really like crustaceans. A Lot of aquatic animals, but crabs especially are… I’m doing it again. Sorry.” You take a large bite so you won’t have to talk for a couple of seconds, avoiding eye contact with Cruz. You’re sure your chest and arms are bright red; It’s an embarrassing symptom of when you get too excited.

Cruz just keeps staring at you. Frankly it’s the longest he's looked at you and not a nearby snack. You chew the slowest you possibly can, the brioche bun becoming mush in your mouth, to fill the silence.

You don’t see it, but a small smile widens on his face. He picks at his empty crab shell.

“I think those facts are crab-tastic.”

You immediately choke on a bit of lobster roll, pounding your chest as you sputter between mouthfuls. When your eyes stop watering, you see Cruz has moved closer to you, hand outstretched and a couple inches from resting on your calf. He jerks it back when you look down at him.

“Wow, thanks, but puns aren’t really part of my vocrabulary.” You obnoxiously wink, scrunching up the left side of your face. Cruz laughs. Not a chuckle, but a full, belly laugh.

“Well I find them quite crab-tivating.” A larger laugh bursts from your chest as he mimics your wink and shoots you another big smile.

The sharp teeth are beginning to grow on you, adding to Cruz’s boyish charm. You feel the hot blush in your chest crawl up your neck once more.

Oh fuck.

Cruz reaches for another crab leg but hits the bottom of the bag, a playful pout now on his chin.

“Here, try this next.” You hand him the second lobster roll. “Probably don’t want to get this one wet, it’ll be soggy.” With no hesitation Cruz digs in, perking up once more and going to town. His teeth serate through the bread like butter. Within 4 bites, the entire roll is gone.

“Dang, I’ll make sure to bring some more food next time.”Cruz pauses, mid-lick of the butter on his claws and looks up at you.

“Next time? You want to meet up again?” You raise your eyebrow.

“Well yeah, don’t you?”

Cruz stays quiet, no sassy comment or a sarcastic look. Just staring, mildly shocked.

Your embarrassment bubbles back, screaming you’ve misread this whole situation and the last few minutes. “I mean, we are soulmates. Shouldn’t we meet up again?”

Cruz's eyes narrow as a barrage of thoughts seem to flit across his head. His smile recedes back into a straight line, that little spark leaving his eye.

“Yeah, I guess we have too.” He crinkles up the plastic bag, shoving it against your calves. “See you tomorrow.”

A pit rolls in your stomach as he quickly moves to leave.

Did I say something wrong?

“Uh, I’m actually busy tomorrow. Can we do Thursday-er, 3 days from now?” Cruz nods, not turning around to face you before slipping back into the water and swimming away.

The pit doesn’t leave your stomach, an empty sauce container rolling across the rocky shore.

What just happened?

#my writing #monster romance #reader insert #monster x reader #merman #shark merman #merman x reader

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xxrat--punkxx · 3 years

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JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON

Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse

(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.

Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.

Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.

BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.

But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.

Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.

Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.

So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!

Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day

🥺💕

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leviskokoro · 4 years

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Mari In Twisted Wonderland | Abridged Version | Savanaclaw

Chapter 2

Days after the Overblot Incident and Revenge Unbirthday Party, Mari gets another dream and this time it’s about the furries-- I mean, animals. She didn’t really get what it meant.

Lunch happened and Ruggie stole Grim’s lunch. Mari was confused but then they were called to the Headmaster’s office so she couldn’t question it.

Crowley explained shit to the shared brain cell trio and Mari. Blah blah blah. Grim got upset that he can’t play magift and show off. Mari rationalized with him that he won’t be able to show off if he’s only a beginner and that she’ll treat him to canned tuna to cheer him up. He seemed to be having a terrible day, getting his lunch stolen and then being told he can’t participate in a sports event.

She asked Crowley if he was searching for a way home but quickly realizes that he didn’t seem to be doing it. Though, she didn’t really say anything about it since the demon brothers were probably looking for a way to get her back.

Then they got back to their dorms later but Crowley came to visit and explained that students were getting injured and shit was real sus since there were a lot of them. Grim told him that he didn’t want to help but he pretty much just forced them by saying the Ramshackle Dorm wasn’t free. He also bribed Grim by saying he’d let him participate in the magift tournament. Though, Mari was aware that he was lying through his teeth. However, she said nothing since she didn’t want to break Grim’s spirit again. Plus, she was going to help regardless of the situation. Might as well be helpful while she’s stuck in there.

So the investigation started. They looked in the infirmary and Mari noticed that there were no Savanaclaw students that were injured but figured that maybe the culprit hasn’t got to them yet. Then they interrogated two injured students from Heartslabyul and they didn’t get any helpful answers so they tried looking for more clues. Only to fail and go back to the Ramshackle Dorm.

Ace visited and they explained the situation to him. But then Deuce ran in and yelled about how Trey got injured too. So they ran to the Heartslabyul dorm and saw him.

Mari was genuinely proud of Grim for being nice enough to give Trey the can of tuna she bought for him earlier in order to cheer him up.

Riddle came by to check on Trey and then explained how he got injured. Then Cater pulled everyone excluding Trey to a different room and let Mari tell them about the other injured students.

So, the Heartslabyul gang + Grim and Mari went to investigate together and saw the Pomefiore Dorm, which was probably Mari’s favorite dorm so far. It was certainly pretty.

And now for Mari’s first impression of Rook: “Dang he kinda hot”

Rook will remember that

Then the rest of the gang decided that he didn’t look strong enough so the culprit probably wouldn’t wanna target him, then went on to Octavinelle to see the tweels.

First impression of the tweels as she and the rest ran for their dear lives: “Jesus fuck they’re creepy”

They escaped and Mari finally remembered what she noticed about the injured students again. “Savanaclaw might be the next targets since there weren’t any injured students from there”

So they got to the Savanaclaw Dorm and met Jack. She was like “oh you’re the hot furry” and he was like “excuse me?” Then he tells them that he won’t be targetted and that they should fuck off.

Then they got in trouble with Savanaclaw delinquents and Leona and Ruggie came. Leona recognized Mari as the herbivore that stepped on his tail. The delinquents get angry but he still drinks respecc women juice and just challenges the gang to magift. Since Mari had no magic, she had to sit this one out.

She goes home and sleeps, but then realizes she can’t and decides to have a midnight walk because she hasn’t seen enough horror movies to know that’s not the best idea. Then she meets Malleus. Probably thinks he’s the hottest guy she’s seen in NRC besides Leona and Jamil.

“Oh, you are a child of man” “And you’re a man with horns”

She isn’t particularly intimidated by him. Like— She’s met Lucifer and has been nearly killed by him twice. Some strange dude with horns got nothin’ on him. Mari asked who he is and he seemed to be surprised by that, then he smirked.

Dude said it would be better if she didn’t know and let her call him whatever she wanted. She was like “Aight” then he left.

Mari goes to sleep and has another dream. She wonders why she’s having another dream about animals and why does the lion look familiar. Then she woke up, wondering what it meant. Barbatos was rather vague when he gave her his parting gift.

On the way to school with Grim, she told him about the Tall handsome dude with horns. He dubbed him “Tsunotarou”. She liked the name a lot and decided to use it.

They meet up with Cater and Riddle, who tell them that Jamil got injured. So they go meet him.

‘Ah fuck his voice is hot too’ Mari thought when she met him. It seemed that she was right about Kalim, he was quite friendly.

So they finally found out about Ruggie but couldn’t catch him. Then Jack appeared again. He’s like “Why are you working so hard for other people’s sake?”

Ace is like “Lmao we just wanna get picked for the magift tournament and show off. We don’t give a shit about these guys.”

Mari sighed and said, “Why is literally everyone in this school so selfish?” And Jack questions her as to her reason for doing it. Then she replies with “Well-- Crowley kinda said that living in the Ramshackle Dorm wasn’t free. Though, he didn’t really have to force me since I would’ve helped regardless because I just like feeling helpful.”

Then Jack told the shared braincell trio that they’re worse than he thought. Though, he also mentioned that he didn’t trust Mari’s type. As in, “Guys that just do things for others”

Ace was like “no u”

Then Jack was like “Fight me bitch. If you want me to spill my guts, you gotta defeat me”

Deuce went bad boy like “fuck yeah lets go dude” and they fight

And they win. The rest of the guys are surprised that Mari knows how to fight. She’s like “The Future King of Hell taught me martial arts for like a year” and they’re not sure whether she’s being serious or if she’s crazy.

And then Jack went into this whole spiel about how cowardly tricks make him nauseous and how he wanted to use his own power to claim victory at the top. Then he finally spills the beans on what Ruggie’s unique magic is and how Savanaclaw is in on the plan.

“Why would they?” “How well you do in the magift tournament can have a big impact on your future, right? So I can’t say I don’t understand their feelings”

“GRRRRRRRRRRRR”

Mari is like “Dude, chill. Understanding someone doesn’t mean you agree with them.”

Jack replied with “The now comes before the future! Show what you can do now!”

Then goes onto yet another spiel about how he can’t stand Leona and how that guy is amazing but never gives his full effort.

Ace whispers to Mari like “Damn he tsundere for his own dorm leader”

And Jack tells them that Savanaclaw is going to target the dorm leader of Diasomnia, Malleus Draconia during the day of the magift tournament.

Riddle and Cater come by like “Lol thanks for telling us” Then Riddle was going to tell them the plan but Jack was like “bitch im not gonna help. Im gonna do this shit myself. Bye”

Mari countered with “What have you accomplished on your own?”

He’s just >:(

“Smart wolves hunt as a pack” “Ugh fine. But if your plan sucks, I’m leaving.”

So after hearing Riddle out, he’s like “Aight I’ll help.”

Everyone came to an agreement and went to their respective dorms. Mari has another dream, then thought “Bruh he really wanted to be king then when he became king, he didn’t even do it right.”

“Oi, wake up.”

Mari felt someone shake her awake. She groaned and swatted away the hands, wanting to sleep more. It didn’t quite register in her mind that someone broke into her room. It was only until her blanket was tugged away from her. The cool air hit her bare body. She shuddered and her eyes finally fluttered open to see Jack with a flustered expression before he threw the blanket over her body.

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?!”

“WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM?!”

“Tch.” He looked away and rubbed his neck. “I came from my morning run to wake you up early. I couldn’t let you oversleep on the day of the tournament. S-Sorry for breaking into your room…”

Grim perked up and was motivated to go immediately so that he could collect his reward to play in the tournament. “Come on! Let’s go already!”

“Just let me get dressed and I’ll be right with you. Be patient.”

For the rest of that morning, Jack couldn’t look at her directly. When he did, images of that embarrassing situation all came back to his mind

So they got to the stadium. Shit hit the fan but everything was fine because Heartslabyul revealed their plan. Diasomnia is perfectly alright.

Leona got pissed and he revealed his unique magic. Sand is everywhere. He’s trying to kill Ruggie.

Mari is like “Ugh I hate sand”

Jack also revealed his unique magic and turned into a full furry-- I mean, wolf. This surprised Leona, which gave Riddle the opportunity to collar him.

Lilia be spittin facts.

Hearing Leona yell about agony and despair and that things will never change kinda made Mari’s heart hurt because it felt… familiar. How hopeless he seemed to feel. It reminded her of how she was before coming to the Devildom.

Then he overblotted.

Then they beat the sit out of him. Mari is like “Does this usually happen?”

So the magift tournament went on and Savanaclaw still got to play because the injured students wanted revenge. Grim also reminded Crowley about his reward so he was allowed to play against Savanaclaw.

Grim did an oopsie and tried to do a special move but it backfired and hit Mari in the head instead. She had to be rushed to the infirmary.

She woke up to see the shared braincell trio and the furry boys. Ace told her that she’s been asleep for so long that the closing ceremony was over and they’re dismantling the venue.

Leona told her that Diasomnia was the champion.

Ace and Deuce talked about how good Malleus was for a moment. Jack was like “No one can win if they give up before they try.” Mari agreed with him. He then said that he was going to beat Diasomnia fair and square next year.

Leona was like ““Underhanded tactics” require one’s strength too” and she asked if he even felt bad. He was just like lmao no

A wild Babie has appeared. Leona went >:0 but introduced Cheka to them.

Mari squealed at the sight of such an adorable child. Internally she was saying “I’ve seen Cheka for 4 seconds but if anything were ever to happen to him, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.”

Jack: So the root of all Leona’s pain is…

Mari: The cutest lil angel ever!

Cheka: Are you guys my uncle’s friends?

Everyone else laughed at Leona except Mari who was busy introducing herself to the lil babie.

Leona will remember that.

Timeskip to when Mari went to sleep and saw the creepy shadow in the mirror. She’s lowkey shook but then she woke up. Seeing the time was pretty early in the morning, she decided to have a lil stroll to see the sun rise.

She found a good spot and sat down, singing lightly to herself.

The sound of leaves being crushed under one’s feet reached her ears from behind her. Mari didn’t bother looking up at the source, being too enamored with seeing the sky as its hues morph from navy to a golden yellow. The dark clouds turned into tangerine and peach ones. She gave a dreamy sigh.

“Oi, Mari.” She heard the gruff voice of Jack. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh you know, just… Watching that gorgeous sunrise. I’ve lived in a land with no sun for a year so seeing it like this is quite the blessing,” She responded, still not looking up.

“Seriously? I’ve never heard of a place like that.” Jack sat beside her.

“Yeah. Living in Hell was quite the experience but it was fun.” Mari chuckled lightly.

Her words caused him to furrow his eyebrows, wondering if she was kidding or not. He shook his head, deciding that it wasn’t important. He turned to her.

“So… about that time…”

“Hm? What time?” Mari finally looked at him, confusion swirling in her pools of chocolate. She tilted her head.

His face felt warm as the blood rose to his tanned cheeks. “Y-You know what I’m talking about!”

Upon seeing his flustered expression, she finally remembered what he meant. Her mouth formed an ‘o’. What could he possibly gain from bringing that up now?

“I wanted to apologize properly…” He spoke up again, rubbing the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have violated your privacy like that and broke into your room.” He finally had the courage to look back into her eyes. Golden hues meeting chocolate.

“How can I make it up to you?”

Mari saw this opportunity and a smirk crept up onto her lips. “You could make it up to me by letting me pet you.”

He yelped and his eyes widened to the size of saucers. His ears stood erect. “Wh-What?!”

She pouted. “I thought you wanted to make it up to me? This is the least I could ask for after you broke into my room and saw me naked!”

“Okay! Okay! Just don’t yell or someone’s gonna hear you.”

Mari stopped and looked at him with expectations glinting in her eyes.

He leaned downward. His head was lowered and ears curled back, anticipating her touch.

She grinned and laid her hand over his head, caressing it tenderly. “Oh my~ Your hair is quite soft. I see that you groom yourself well, Jack. How nice~” She cooed, continuing to pet him with such pure glee swimming in her chocolate eyes. “How are you liking this? Does it feel nice~?”

“Tch… Just because I’m letting you do this, doesn’t mean I like it,” He told her.

“But your tail is wagging.” She pointed out. Blood spurted to his face and he pulled away.

“Alright, that’s enough!” He exclaimed to her, trying not to show her that he was flustered. “We’re going to be late for school if we don’t hurry.”

Mari glanced at the sun and nodded. “Oh! You’re right. I’ll go wake up Grim and head to class. Thanks again, Jack.”

“Don’t expect me to let you do that again. We’re not friends or anything.” He walked away from her.

A smile graced her lips as she watched him leave with a mirthful gaze. “Alright,” she whispered and made her way to the Ramshackle Dorm.

#mitw : av #twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #twst headcanons

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lost-n-stereo · 4 years

Text

A/N: Just a quick little prompt fill for @livinginrhythm to get me back in the writing mood. Prompt post linked at the end :) Harry/Allie - Established Relationship Canon Divergent

all filled up with whiskey apologies

It’s almost nine by the time she pulls up to the bar, her half size too small heels already killing her feet even though she slipped them on just before leaving her apartment. She swears out loud when she notices a dime sized pasta stain on the left leg of her ripped jeans and wonders, not for the first time, if she can just bow out of this entire fucking night.

At least three people shout her name when she walks into the dimly lit hole in the wall that Becca assured her served the “best fucking tequila sunrises this side of Hartford”. It’s not that she doesn’t like Becca, she does even though she doesn’t spend very much time with her, it’s the other people that are supposed to be here tonight that she frankly can’t stand. People they went to high school with that Allie would have sooner never seen again, except maybe at their ten year high school reunion that’s still another lifetime (or roughly six years) away.

She pulls out her phone to call Harry to find out where the hell he is, he’s never usually as late to events as she is, when she sees a text message that must have come through when she was driving here.

Babe, I’m not going to make it tonight. Clemens is on my ass about the Peterson case so I need to stay late. Love you, don’t kill Lexie.

“Son of a bitch,” she mutters as she types in a response with enough swear words to make a sailor blush. Harry being here was the only thing that was going to get her through the nightmare this night is going to be and now she has to deal with it alone. She considers leaving, briefly wonders if any of these people would believe her if she made up a lame excuse about being sick, and decides to suck it up and get the night over with. Hell, she was late anyways, which means it’s an hour or two closer to getting out of here than if she’d shown up on time.

“Hey!!” A tiny ball of brown hair and Victoria Secret perfume hits her all at once in a tight hug as Becca flings herself in Allie’s direction. “I can’t believe you came! We invite you all the time!”

Every sentence is loud, punctuated by the distinct aroma of orange juice and Don Julio, and Allie holds her friend at arm’s length so she can look in her eyes. Sure enough they are dull and glassy, the telltale sign that Becca is this side of too drunk. Allie wonders who’s watching the baby tonight but decides, not her circus and not her monkeys, and flags down a bartender to make her a drink.

Lexie is standing off to the corner talking to Campbell, her beady little eyes darting over to Allie every few minutes. They hated each other in high school and while it seems like it was a lifetime ago in reality it was only a few short years. Lexie was always jealous of her relationship with Harry, a side effect of dating the most notorious boy in school, but Allie has never been one to back down from a fight. Allie shoots her a smirk and pulls out her phone, typing out a text to Harry just because Lexie is watching.

Your ex is giving me the stink eye again. This bitch is obsessed with me.

Harry sends back a series of laughing emojis, tells her to play nice and to take a shot of Macallan for him and then send him the total of the tab at the end of the night so he can pay it for her over the phone. It’s not that she dates him for his money but well, it doesn’t hurt when she can take shots that cost more than her monthly cell phone bill for free. It’s not like he wouldn’t be paying for her way if he was here.

You suck for not being here. She texts him and he responds back with a I know, baby. I’ll make it up to you later. And really, how can she be mad at that?

Actually fuck that, she can be mad at him because this whole dumb thing was his idea in the first place. They never go out with this particular group of people, save for Becca, Griz and Sam. She hasn’t seen Helena or Luke, which isn’t a surprise since they are very much like Allie and Harry in that they’d much rather stay at home and do nothing than hang out in a bar with people they talked shit about in high school.

“How you been, Al?” Griz asks as she slides into a booth in the back of the bar next to Sam. He smiles and kisses her cheek, which is sweet so she bumps her shoulder into his and throws him a genuine grin.

“I’ve been alright,” she says as she sips her drink. Becca was right about one thing, the cocktails are amazing and that shot of whiskey hit her just enough to make her a little light headed. Journey is playing on the outdated sound system but you don’t need state of the art speakers to sing along to “Any Way You Want It”.

“Where’s Harry?” Becca asks, her words slightly slurred as she rests her head on Griz’s shoulder. “You two are usually attached at the hip.”

Allie rolls her eyes. “He’s interning this summer at a law firm in Bridgeport and they keep him busy. He had to work late tonight but he sends his best.”

It’s bullshit, he never said anything of the sort, but they are all adults now and it just felt like the adult thing to say. It’s not strange to her to be in such a serious relationship at their age. They started dating in their junior year and stayed together all the way until now, when they are almost ready to graduate. They don’t live together yet, Harry keeps an apartment in the city since he works there more often than not, but he does spend as many nights at her place as he can.

Conversation and drinks flow for the next couple of hours and it’s actually not entirely terrible over here in their little corner. The people she hates, like Lexie and Campbell, stick close to the bar and the people she doesn’t know very well, like Campbell’s girlfriend Elle, don’t bother coming over to them at all. It’s not until Will starts to wander over that things get sufficiently awkward, mostly because her and Will used to date and it didn’t really end well. Like, at all.

Shit, ex alert. She types out to Harry. She’s been running down the entire night for him so far, mostly because she knows he’s busy and it feels just a little like payback for making her do this without him.

Yours or mine?

Mine. You should seriously be here to run interference. I hate you, Harry Bingham. I . Hate. You.

Her cheeks heat when he sends back Not what you were saying last night when your legs were over my shoulders but okay.

“What’s that look for?” Grizz asks, pointing to her flushed skin and Allie rolls her eyes and signals the bartender for another round of shots.

“Nothing, mind your business.”

Will makes it to their table and she groans internally, wishing that she could be anywhere else. Their relationship in high school was full of drama, mostly from Will’s obsession with Kelly, who he dated immediately after breaking up with her. Kelly graduated and went off to California for medical school, leaving Will behind, and she can’t lie and say it doesn’t bring her just a little joy that he ended up alone.

“Hey guys,” he says, setting his bottle of beer on the table next to Allie’s drink. She yanks hers away childishly and Becca snorts. “Hey Allie, how’ve you been?”

“Great,” she says, so cheerfully that it probably sounds like she’s lying even though it’s the truth. It takes another ten minutes of awkward small talk before he finally tells them that he’s taking off of the night and that he’ll see them at the next get together.

Not if she can fucking help it. She’ll never do this shit again, with or without Harry.

She gets a text from Harry around eleven that just says I miss you and she hates that it makes her tear up a little. As much as she wants to be mad at him for ditching her she does understand that what he’s doing is infinitely more important than drinks with their friends. Instead of telling him that she misses him too she says something a little dirty that she’s sure made him groan out loud before taking another shot.

By the time last call comes around she’s definitely too drunk to drive home.

It pisses her off that she let herself drink this much, because the whole reason she even brought her own car was because she didn’t plan on staying long. She’s got two options, either Uber home tonight and back in the morning or call Harry to come and get her.

He picks up on the first ring and she can tell he’s home but hasn’t gotten into bed yet.

“I need you to come here,” she says, her voice thick with tiredness and whiskey, and he chuckles.

“You need me, huh?”

Her groan makes him laugh harder. “Don’t be a dick, Bingham. I’m only in this position because you left me high and dry.”

“I think we can both agree, sweetheart, that I have never once left you dry.”

Her pulse races at his words but she’s still pissed, and drunk, and now turned on because of this asshole and all she wants to do is go home.

“Will you please Uber to the bar and drive me home in my car?”

Her voice must sound pathetic enough because he tells her to sit tight and that he’ll be there in twenty minutes.

Everyone but Becca has left by the time he gets dropped off in front of the bar. He gives Becca a hug, drops a kiss to her forehead and asks if she needs a ride too.

“My Uber will be here in a few minutes,” she says and they wait with her until she’s safely in a car (with a female driver, Allie checked), and on her way home.

“You’re a mess,” Harry laughs as he looks her over and she smacks his hand away when he moves a curl that’s fallen in her face.

“You bailed on me tonight,” she says seriously. “And you made me cry!”

He looks taken aback and his eyes narrow. “What? When?”

“Your stupid ‘I miss you’ text,” she says, her fingers coming up to do sloppy quotation marks in the air. “I was crying, you made me cry!”

He laughs. “Baby.”

“No! You don’t get to use pet names with me right now. I’m mad at you.”

“No, I’m calling you a baby. I’m making fun of you. We both know you were tearing up because you fucking missed me too.”

He pulls her into a hug and she huffs before letting herself melt into his arms. “I’m still mad at you,” she says and he kisses her hair, then her cheek, and then her mouth.

“I told you I’d make it up to you. I’m a man of my word.”

She pulls back and looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “Think so, huh?”

“Yep,” he says, popping the ‘p’ as he takes her by the hand and leads her towards her car. “Drunk sex is amazing, remember?”

There was a spring break in Cabo that she remembers quite well, too many margaritas and an experience on the beach that almost got them arrested.

“I suppose I’ll let you try to make it up to me,” she says when he gets behind the wheel and starts her car. He just shoots her a smirk that’s too fucking sexy for how annoyed she is at him.

He drives with one hand on the wheel and one hand on her knee the entire ride home and she notices that his thumb rests on the pasta stain, covering it completely. It feels weirdly full circle but she’s drunk and it probably wouldn’t make much sense if she tried to say it out loud.

“What are you thinking about over there, boozy?” He asks and she giggles, puts her feelt up on the dashboard (the first thing she did was take off those fucking shoes), and rolls her window down as far as it’ll go for some fresh air.

“Pasta,” is her only response and he gives her a look like she’s crazy but that’s why he loves her.

“We can stop and get food if you want, but I’m not sure anywhere serves pasta at three am.”

And just like that, she’s not mad at him anymore.

prompt: https://bumblingbookworm.tumblr.com/post/616309885231120384

#harry and allie #hallie #harry bingham #allie pressman #hallie fanfic #the society #fanfic #drabbles

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nicolamarchette · 3 years

Text

Task 1

Basic Information

Full Name: Nicola Marchette

Nickname(s): Nik, Niky, Cola

Age:34

Date of Birth:September 22

Hometown: Queens, New York

Current Location: Still Queens. Before that…well if I told you then it wouldn’t be a secret.

Gender: Nicola is 100% female.

Pronouns:Nicola goes with she/her.

Sexual Orientation: Nicola is heterosexual.

Occupation: She is currently the owner of GRT Art Gallery.

Living Arrangements: She lives in Queens with her daughter Waverly and her significant other Cassian in a house that they renovated together.

Language(s) Spoken: English, some Spanish, Russian

Accent: Uhmmm I’m not sure that I have one. I probably do just not really aware of it.

Physical Appearance

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: Hazel

Height:5’7

Build: Nicola has a slim, hourglass figure.

Tattoos: Nicola does have tattoos. She has balance in script writing on the side of her foot. She has joy in script on the side of her right wrist and a crescent moon on her ribs.

Piercings: She does have her ears pierced.

Clothing Style:Nicola has a very chic laid back style. She loves wearing classic pieces such as jeans or heels. She loves designers from Australia and France.

Favorite Accessories: A necklace that her mother gave to her which she rarely takes off, black heels, a good handbag.

Distinguishing Characteristics: Her lips or her smile. She does have a birthmark on her shoulder but sometimes there are things that are deep that can not be seen.

Health

Physical Conditions: Physically she is good health.

Mental Health Conditions: Nicola has some lingering PTSD from some events in her life. She also has insomnia from time to time and sometimes she does have nightmares from a traumatic time in her life.

Allergies: Nicola is allergic to chocolate (I know it sucks) and cinnamon.

Sleeping Habits: It depends. If she has insomnia it’s usually a pretty long night with no sleep. Sometimes she sleeps whenever Waverly does. When Waverly does sleep through the night Nicola does get sleep and when she does she tries to be up before 8 but that isn’t always the case.

Eating Habits: Nicola tends to eat healthy. She tends to eat mostly vegan but sometimes has the occasional cheat day.

Exercise Habits: Her exercise habits are usually boxing, some sort of interval training, pilates, dance. She tries to go four or five times a week but after having her daughter she tries to fight in exercise when she can even if it’s just dancing for a few hours while Waverly sleeps or chasing her around.

Addictions:None unless you can really count work

Drug Use: Everything she takes has been prescribed.

Alcohol Use: Definitely wine but sometimes whiskey

Personality

Label: The Survivor.

Positive Traits:compassionate, loyal,protective, maternal

Negative Traits: Stubborn, reckless,impulsive,

Goals/Desires: Nicola wants to be the best mother that she possibly can be for her daughter. She wants to give her a better life than the one she had. She wants to see more of the world. She wants her family to be safe, to be happy, and to be healthy.

Fears: While she does have fears of clowns, heights, spiders to name a few she does fear that she’s not good enough, that she won’t be a good mother and losing those who she really loves and cares about.

Hobbies: She loves to read. She loves to take walks and she does paint on occasion. She loves spending time with her daughter.

Habits: Running her fingers through her hair, twirling a strand of hair around her finger

Favorites

Season/Weather: She loves spring, summer (to a point) and fall. She’s not a fan of really cold weather.

Color: She loves colors that remind her of the ocean and storms. So blues, grays,etc.

Music Genre: She is a fan of a lot of different genres of music. She loves alternative rock, indie music, Latin music

Movie: Now this is a hard question because it’s hard to have just one…but Selena, The Princess Bride, Labyrinth and The Wizard of Oz are all favorites and she enjoys watching Disney movies as well.

Sport: Nicola doesn’t watch sports. She will watch DWTS but as far as sitting down to watch football or any sport like that she won’t.

Beverage: As crazy as it sounds water, green juice, and wine.

Food:Apples, almonds and dark chocolate (I know I know a little will not kill me), grilled organic chicken

Animal: It’s hard to pick just one but she does like cats and dogs.

Family

Father: Nikolai Marchette- she hasn’t spoken to him in years. She has her reasons.

Mother: Nansi Wolfe (biological mother)- she doesn’t really speak to Nansi for a multitude of reasons. Eryn Marchette (deceased)

Sibling(s): She doesn’t have any siblings.

Children: This is a sensitive subject but technically speaking she would have two daughters.

Pet(s): She has a cat named Doc Holliday

Other Important People: Gabe James-Michaels. He is her best friend and who she goes to when she feels like everything is going to crash down on her head. She trusts him more than she does a lot of people. He is the closest thing she has to having a brother. Cassian Magnotti, he is her other half. He is the father to Waverly and is Nicola’s best friend. She trusts him with her life even though they came close to losing Waverly. Her heart belongs to him. Juliet Michaels who is the sister to her soul. Juliet is the closest person that she has to a sister.

Extra

Zodiac Sign: Virgo

MBTI: ENFJ

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Moral Alignment: Nicola is Chaotic Good and everything that goes along with it.

Primary Vice: If she had to pick it would probably be anger. She has been hurt in the past and she still has a lot of anger for what happened in her past.

Primary Virtue: Nicola would probably have a mix of charity and kindness. She is learning to have patience. There are some things that she isn’t ready to forgive just yet.

Element: Nicola would be fire and water mixed.

#Nicolamarchette #Taskone #Queens #Empirestate

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yallreddieforthis · 5 years

Text

Impossible Things

Fandom: It Chapter Two, It (2017)

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Rating: Explicit (in later chapters)

Words: 1.9k

Also on AO3

“What the fuck,” he mutters, trying his key one more time. His therapist always says he’s too quick to jump right to the doom and gloom. Maybe he didn’t get evicted all of a sudden. Maybe he just put the key in upside down or… Nope. His key straight up does not work.

And then suddenly the door swings open and Richie whacks him in the shoulder with a frying pan.

August 7, 2013 was the worst day of Eddie Kaspbrak’s life. He got dumped on a breakfast date by this guy he was kind of very into at the time, he totaled his brand-new Dodge Dart...by hitting a cop car, spilling iced coffee all over himself in the process. And that was just before work.

When he got to work, he was informed by fucking Claudia of all people that his favorite patient who was supposed to make a full fucking recovery had died during the overnight shift. He spent the rest of the day completing paperwork for his now-deceased buddy over in 44G, and playing a super fun game ferreting information back and forth between one of the endocrinologists--who was on a cruise with almost no reception--and her crazy bitch of a patient who insisted that Dr. Google told her she could cure her diabetes with a combination of like six essential oils and lemon juice. And also fighting over the phone with Marcus from Geico. Fuck Marcus from Geico and his manager Suzanne.

Anyway, yeah, that day was fucking nothing compared to this Saturday, when he went back to his shitty ass hometown, watched the first guy he ever loved die in his arms and then wiggled out the back door of a collapsing house containing all his childhood friends.

He’s pretty sure he hasn’t completely processed the awfulness of the whole thing yet. He’s done a decent amount of crying, but like… God, where to even begin? There’s literally no one alive who he can talk to about what he went through. The idea of keeping all this shit to himself for the rest of his life makes him want to consider pulling a Stan. Not that he ever would, actually. Because he’s a stubborn bitch, and when life tells him to go fuck himself, he usually just yells it right back.

Also he got stabbed in the fucking face by Henry Goddamn Bowers. And like, Ben did a decent job patching it up with gauze and superglue, but Eddie hauled ass to Urgent Care and got some actual stitches once he realized there was nothing else he could do at Neibolt. He’d been a fucking mess...like, crying and shit, but even in that state he could tell that the standard of care at Derry Clinic was subpar at best and he kept having to correct the NP who was sewing him up until she finally snapped and asked if he’d rather just do it himself. Actually, he normally would have preferred to, but his hands had been shaking too badly. He definitely plans to have it looked at by Dr. Lim, who will for sure know the best way to keep scarring to a minimum, as soon as he’s back at work.

Also, he was hoping that all the weird shit that had been going down with Pennywise and stuff would have fucking stopped after they killed It, but when he got back to the Derry Townhouse and went to get his shit from his room, there were three goddamn suitcases in there and he couldn’t figure out why. The first one had enough crap in it for like a three week trip, although the clothes weren’t all his. Also, the second one was filled with a bunch of pill bottles with his name on them for prescriptions Eddie has never needed, and his actual medication, amitriptyline, was not among them. But to be totally honest, by that point, he was so fucking tired and upset that he just kind of went fuck it and hauled everything into the back of a cab and got the fuck out of there.

And now he’s standing on the curb at LAX waiting for an Uber to take him back to his apartment in West Hollywood, where he can cry in private and maybe eat a pint of frozen yogurt from Whole Foods. Greek yogurt, of course, for the probiotics.

The first thing that strikes him as amiss back in LA is when he gets up to his apartment and there is a mat that says WELCOME TO THE SHITSHOW on it that he definitely did not buy in front of his apartment and his list of instructions for delivery men has been taken off his door.

Then he tries to open the door and his key doesn’t fit, which makes no fucking sense at all, unless Ms. Slavkin changed the locks while he was gone, which would be super illegal and also mean. Like, they’re on good terms, he thinks, especially since she barely speaks English and he knows exactly no Russian. They’ve never had a problem, though. His rent is always paid up on time. She brought him vatrushka two weeks ago and he referred her grandson for a volunteer position at Cedars Sinai over the summer. They’re good.

And then suddenly the door swings open and Richie whacks him in the shoulder with a frying pan.

“Ow! What the hell?”

Literally everything about what just happened is impossible though, because Richie is:

Dead. He died in Eddie’s arms under the Neibolt house less than 48 hours ago after telling him he fucked his mom one last time for good measure. Like...even while he was bleeding out he couldn’t… God. Anyway…

A resident of Illinois, last time Eddie checked. He even said some shit the other day about security at O'Hare. That’s… that’s the one in Chicago, right? It’s not LAX, Eddie knows that for sure.

Richie looks about as dumbfounded as Eddie feels. He does not apologize for hitting Eddie with a frying pan, although it’s not exactly cast iron. At best, it’s aluminum.

Which is another weird thing. Eddie uses exclusively cast iron or enamel cookware in his apartment because he’s not some kind of idiot sauteing his veggies in perfluorinated chemicals. The frying pan Richie is holding right now is undoubtedly riddled with BPA that would seep into his food and cause thyroid problems.

And honestly the only reason he’s probably getting hung up on that is that he expects Richie to disappear as soon as he blinks, because what the fuck would he actually be doing here. It’s going to hurt a lot more than that frying pan did when he evaporates, and Eddie’s going to feel like he lost him a second time.

Any second now.

Nothing else happens though, except that Richie manages to squeak out, “Eddie?”

And it’s corny to think, but it’s his voice that leaves no doubt in Eddie’s mind that it’s really him. Because Richie Tozier can sound like almost anybody in the world, but there’s no one that can sound like Richie. Even Pennywise never tried to imitate him. Because no one can. That, Eddie is sure of.

Dead is… Eddie is a nurse, and he’s no stranger to death. Richie was dead. No one could survive that kind of blood loss. But that also doesn’t change the fact that Richie is standing in front of him, in his apartment somehow, alive and breathing and miraculously free of giant holes in his chest. Also, this past weekend has had Eddie really rethinking his personal beliefs on what is and isn’t possible.

“Oh god, Richie—” Eddie reaches out and places a hand on Richie’s chest. Richie doesn’t stop him, but he also doesn’t react other than staring at Eddie’s hand, like he’s still unconvinced that Eddie is really Eddie.

Also he’s apparently speechless for the first time in his life.

“What the fuck,” he breathes out. His heartbeat is pounding beneath Eddie’s fingers. “I… we had to leave you. God, I tried to—”

“What?” Eddie interrupts him. “You died. Right in my arms, like, right in front of my fucking face and then you all got sucked into that pit and I—”

“What? No. Wh--wait. Wait wait wait. How did you find my apartment?” Richie demands.

“Uh, excuse me, this is my—”

But Eddie doesn’t finish that sentence because at that moment he looks past Richie into the living room and his point dies on the tip of his tongue. This is not his apartment. The doormat wasn’t lying. This is some kind of bachelor pad nightmare. One sofa, no art on the walls, a TV that’s too big for the room. Eddie glances up at the number on the door. Seven. It’s the right number, the outside of the place looks right…

“What did you do to my house?!” Eddie cries, because of course he’s happy Richie is alive—too happy to even process it properly—but he’s not going to pretend he won’t be pissed if Richie donated all of his good Pottery Barn furniture.

“Your— I live here, dipshit,” says Richie, apparently kind of snapping out of it. “I’ve lived here for like ten years.”

“You told me you lived in Chicago and—”

“Yeah,” says Richie. “Well, like kind of. I have an apartment there, usually sublet it. Didn’t think I needed to get into my whole real estate history, cause it’s not like we had bigger things to worry about.”

“Just—”

“You know what?” says Richie. “Just fucking come in. Let’s...can you call Mike?”

“Mike isn’t dead either?!” Eddie cries. What--How--

“Of course not,” says Richie. “I mean he better not be, I’ve been texting him all day.”

Eddie takes his phone out of his pocket and goes to his recent call history. He taps on the Derry number that called him the other day, back in another fucking lifetime, while rolling his suitcase into this like sham of an apartment that apparently Richie lives in.

We’re sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed…

“You try Mike,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “My phone says his number is disconnected.”

Richie is texting furiously. He sinks down into the couch.

“Does that thing have like bed bugs?” Eddie asks, because the couch looks kind of suspect if he’s being honest. Like the kind of thing Richie might have dragged in off the sidewalk.

Richie makes a face. “No, what the fuck, of course not.”

Eddie sits down next to him on the edge of his seat, still not entirely convinced about the bed bug situation.

“I’m gonna FaceTime Mike, cause…” Richie shakes his head. “Fuck, I don’t know. Mike’s the crazy bitch with all the answers, right?”

Richie then does something kind of un-Richie-ish. He turns to the side and drops his head on Eddie’s shoulder, inhaling shakily and deeply. It’s then that Eddie notices his coffee table is littered with tissues.

“What?” Eddie asks him. He gets the distinct impression that Richie is about to cry, maybe, which is terrifying. And that’s stupid because Eddie works in a goddamn hospital. He deals with crying people every day. But there’s something about being around Richie that just… He feels like they’ve fallen back into the dynamic they had when they were kids. And teenage Eddie wouldn’t have known how to deal with Richie crying and so adult Eddie is kind of panicking over the thought of trying to figure that shit out on the fly.

If Richie starts crying, Eddie probably will too. This situation is… Honestly, it’s super overwhelming. He doesn’t feel equipped to deal with this fuckery.

Just then though, Mike picks up. Like a flash, Richie lifts his head up off Eddie’s shoulder and shoots Mike a shit-eating grin.

“Explain this shit, Mikey,” he says, and turns the screen to face Eddie.

Mike immediately drops his phone.

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it chapter two #my fics #impossible things fic #fanfic #losers club #it chapter two spoilers

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thanksjro · 4 years

Text

Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #4: This Series is Awash With Lippy Sons of Guns

Issue #4 starts off with an uncomfortably handsome Prowl. I mean honestly, look at this asshole, he’s simply too pretty.

I don’t think Roche has ever drawn the guy ugly, but this is on another level.

We’re in a flashback sequence here, as we start to gain an understanding of just why exactly Ironfist got put on the Wreckers in the first place. Back when he was working at Kimia, Ironfist got a call from Prowl. Seems Prowl’s read his work, and is impressed by the sheer amount of effort he’s put into it. They chat a bit about it, but no call with Prowl is ever casual, and he asks Ironfist if he’s ever been interested in actually being a Wrecker. Which, of course he has, but he’d never exactly been cut out for that kind of work, especially after his Accident™. Prowl has a little push in that area, because he’s Prowl, and makes a deal; Ironfist joins the Wreckers as a weapon expert, and in exchange he does something for Prowl.

We won’t find out what exactly Ironfist’s agreed to do until later, as we jump back to the present, where the Guzzle and Kup are about to lay the smackdown on some unsuspecting Decepticons.

With how many cameras are currently trained on you guys, I can’t say you really have the time for wisecracks, old-timer.

That big vault door behind them leads to the cell of one of the most notorious Autobots ever to grace the galaxy- Grimlock. This is the “help” Springer requested they find, meaning that he’s a sort of last resort, which tells you just how much of a powerhouse the guy is. Volatile, sure, but a powerhouse regardless.

Too bad the cell’s empty.

Snare steps in to explain just why that is, having snuck up on our Big Gulp duo.

Well I’m sure that won’t be a plot point later on.

Of course, Guzzle doesn’t really feel inclined to believe a word of what this Getaway kitbash says, and starts threatening to shoot him. Snare however, has even more secrets to tell.

Perceptor and pals have finally discovered just what the hell it is that they’ve been looking for all this time. Aequitas is a supercomputer, and a massive one at that. They’re here to download its memory files. Topspin is less than pleased with this whole thing.

Ironfist agrees- there’s no way they’re going to be able to get all the data in Aequitas downloaded before the Decepticons get through to them and tear them to pieces. Verity, however, is more concerned about the size of the computer itself.

A large part of Aequitas is made up of something called a culpability drive, which breaks down factors like motivation and accountability into a streamlined equation so it can do something completely ridiculous: calculate guilt. Yes, someone had the bright idea to break down guilt into a binary system, without any “human” element involved. Because that couldn’t possibly backfire.

Then the narrative catches up to Topspin, and Ironfist and Verity get put on babysitting duty while he deals with his phantom pain. Pyro’s made to help Perceptor with booting up the computer.

Over with Springer, he and Impactor have a little heart-to-heart, while Twin Twist is passed out with a shadow over his face, probably waiting for the horrific reveal of what the dentist’s done to him. Springer feels really bad about Impactor having been sent to Garrus-9; he’d figured that after the trial, Impactor had been sent to rehab, or at least a prison that wasn’t quite as torturey.

Impactor points out that Springer’s testimony at Aequitas was pretty damning, and I’m starting to wonder why Springer didn’t see this coming. Unless they somehow managed to move that massive friggin’ supercomputer in the last few years, Impactor’s trial happened on Garrus-9. Kind of seems like a foregone conclusion that anyone who got put through the Aequitas wringer would end up staying if found guilty.

Impactor still doesn’t think that what he did was wrong, and the only reason they stop verbally duking it out is because Twin Twist does his dramatic face reveal and the dentist comes back in to finish off those fillings.

Funny, they had a similar setup at my old orthodontist’s.

As the dentist prepares to turn what’s left of Twin Twist’s face into the “Lust” scene from Se7en, we get back to the real point of this whole miniseries: fanwanking. Ironfist is telling Verity about the Decepticon’s answer to the Wreckers- Squadron X.

This group is made up entirely of characters who only existed in the Marvel UK comics, and even then only barely. This is convenient on multiple levels; it allows the Wreckers to have an antithesis to their own group that won’t disrupt any of the ongoing storylines outside of Last Stand of the Wreckers. Nobody’s really vying to use the guy who beat up a piano and then got thrown out of a bar, now are they?

It also allows you to use an already-established character that still has plenty of wiggle room for story application. No point in trying to make a new set of characters when we’ve got a bin full of nobodies off in the corner. Especially when we’re only going to have these guys around for a few minutes.

But we’ll get to that later.

Back to Ironfist’s story…

Oh hey Whirl.

Springer’s in a bit of a pickle- his lower half is trapped under a busted barricade, and Squadron X is closing in. Impactor has no intention of leaving Springer behind, so it’s time to get crazy. Springer tells Impactor to blast a hole through his TORSO so he can surprise-attack the approaching enemy. Impactor does so, reluctantly.

Please note that the emphasis is not mine, but the narrative’s.

That’s just a cool panel.

Once all that’s over and done with, Squadron X are all put into inhibitor harnesses to keep them from trying anything funny while in custody. But oh ho, what’s this? They’ve escaped! And they’ve ripped Sandstorm’s arm off! Surely, this must be dealt with, and who better suited for the job than the dude who’s been obsessed with taking these guys out for years now? Impactor gets to work.

And thus the day is saved, thanks to the Wreckers! Yaaay!

With Ironfist’s story concluded, Perceptor takes the time to mention that they’ve got a problem. Turns out Aequitas has some state-of-the-art security measures going on- in order to even turn the thing on, someone’s got to feed the thing their spark. You know, a robot soul. This thing runs on souls, and the donator has to be a willing participant otherwise it won’t work.

Well that’s awful convenient for you, now ain’t it, Percy?

I’m assuming they just never turned the thing off during the trials, otherwise they would have run out of juice very quickly.

So it’s slim pickings in terms of sparks. Perceptor’s playing IT, Topspin’s whole spark situation is a consent minefield, and Verity’s soul is the normal, human, intangible kind. And now we get to the part of our story that’s a little sad.

Pyro and Ironfist aren’t popular. They’ve never been in the spotlight. They aren’t important. They were brought on the Wreckers to die, plain and simple, because it’s a game of numbers, and their numbers are miles below the likes of Springer and Kup.

Pyro isn’t on-board with this at all, saying that this isn’t how it’s supposed to go down for him.

Say what you will about his delusions of grandeur, but this is a guy who knows what he wants.

While Pyro’s dreaming big, Topspin’s having a really bad time in the background. That vicarious perception’s hitting real hard right now.

Ironfist plays the child in a bitter divorce between Pyro and Verity as they argue over who the hell should die so the plot can keep moving. Ironfist has a lot to say, a lot that he really should say, but he doesn’t. He’s not proud of himself, or the things he’s done as a weapons’ expert. After reflecting on his life- a life that hasn’t been profoundly wondrous or meaningful- he concedes to being the one to die.

But that doesn’t happen, because Topspin takes matters into his own hands and puts the goddamn dog to sleep. The dog in this case being himself and Twin Twist. Aequitas thanks him for his donation, sucks out his spark, and over in the torture chamber Twin Twist explodes.

With the twins(?) dead, Aequitas is online, and not a moment too soon, because those Decepticons are starting to bring the door down. Perceptor hands a headphone jack to Ironfist, tells him to plug it into his brain, and to get ready for the hurt, because they’re about to download the entirety of this supercomputer into his head.

Back with Impactor, he’s about to get his cornea scratched, when Guzzle and Kup come to save the day, following Snare’s guidance.

I just want to say, Guzzle wins the Worst Crotch award. It’s simply awful.

So Kup and Guzzle free Springer and Impactor, just in time for Springer to revenge-stab the dentist with the torture stick. Too bad he’s already shot Snare.

Play… makes you free... in the prison that’s been turned into basically a death camp. Is… are we really doing the Holocaust parallels again? God, I hope I’m reading too much into that, I really do.

We finally find out what the prize for winning the Pit fights is: you can either fight Overlord, or kill yourself. Not much of a prize, if you ask me.

Speaking of the Blue Terror, he’s on his way over. Snare asks that Impactor just kill him, because there’s no way he’s going to risk being found out by Overlord that he was being sneaky. Impactor obliges, crushing his brain module between his fingers.

Then Overlord quite literally explodes into the room.

Back over in the Aequitas chamber, Ironfist’s just finished with his upload, and he’s shaken by what he now knows. The Decepticons have nearly broken down the door at this point, and there’s only one way to save themselves- they have to detonate the prisoners’ deterrence chips. This, of course, includes Impactor. Perceptor’s all for it, but Pyro’s wholly against the idea. Verity tries to put in her vote, but humans don’t have rights in the eyes of Wrecker law, so it all comes down to Ironfist.

You heard the man, let’s kill the purple guy.

#transformers #jro #last stand of the wreckers #issue 4 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing #wreckers trilogy

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beeblackburn · 4 years

Text

Pretender Reads A Little Hatred, Part I, Chapter Nine

This is the moment you get the laziest point-of-view thus far! Goes without saying spoilers ahead for the entirety of The First Law works beyond the keep reading. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Title: The Moment Point-of-View: Jonas Clover

“You asleep?”

“No,” grunted Clover. Only sort of a lie, since he had in fact just woken up. “Shut my eyes, is all.”

“Why?”

He opened one and peered up at the boy. Hard to say which he was, with the sun flickering through the branches. Specially since Clover had forgotten their names again. “So I don’t have to see the injury you two are doing to the noble art of swordsmanship.”

Not exactly the running start, compared to the other point-of-views, I can tell. No trippy fits infused with magic, no charging into enemies, no gazing into the industry of hell, no watching a hanging one could stop, no plotting revolution in the cellars of the common folk. Just a man watching two boys practice with swords, and badly, by the cut of Clover’s words. A chronically lazy man, and bad teacher, at that.

Interesting.

“Doing the best we can,” grumbled the other boy, whichever one he was.

“That’ll be a comfort to your mothers when you’re killed for not attending to my wisdom.” Clover let his hand hover over the basket of apples, then plucked out one he liked the look of. Nice blush to it. He took a bite and sucked out the juice.

“Tart,” he said, baring his teeth, “but tolerable. Like life, eh, lads? Like life.” They stared at him blankly. He heaved a weary sigh. “Back to it, then.”

Fun fact, I had to look up what tart as an adjective meant. And Clover sounds like a pretty jaded guy, to be throwing out these “life is tolerable” quips to others. Mind you, I did giggle at the boys giving him a blank stare. Ah, youth.

As far as the chapter goes right now, it’s honestly... kind of a slow one? In a way that feels intentional with Clover’s voice. Very relaxed in pace, if we’re going into the prose detailing Clover’s picking an apple specifically with a nice blush to it. There’s little of the urgency and no-nonsense nature of Leo or Vick’s chapters. And there’s something to be said about comparing Clover and Orso’s voices, but whereas Orso was more self-pitying and kind of miserable about himself, Clover is more consciously lazy and casual. He’s just a man who wants to nap and, failing that, take the nicest fruit while awake.

Why this point-of-view character, Abercrombie? (arches an eyebrow)

They shambled unhappily out into the sun and turned to face each other.

“Yah!” The dark one dashed in, swinging his stick.

“Urgh!” The blond one parried, stumbling back.

Clack, clack, as the sticks knocked together. Coo, coo, went a cuckoo in the trees behind. Somewhere men were arguing over something, but so far off their voices were no more than a comforting burble. Clover wedged one hand behind his neck and wriggled back against the tree.

Sometimes, it could feel like life wasn’t so bad.

Then he gave an unhappy grunt. Then a twitch. Then a grimace. Problem was, these students of his were about the most terrible swordsmen he ever saw. The blond one swung, swung, swung, teeth clenched, while the dark one snarled and burbled, more running away than defending, both already out of breath.

Huh. Blond and swinging, dark and running? That reminds me of Scale and Calder...

Whoa. Are those... Calder and Seff’s children? I guess, after Stour Nightfall, they could’ve had more. Scale’s, maybe? How did a lazy-ass dude like Clover net himself a teaching gig with the Northern royalty’s children? And why are they so bad, if so? Are they so young that it’s really muscle more than skill that’s moving their arms? Man, Clover, be a little easier on them, they’re nose-picking children.

On a character note, Clover's quite the man taken with his simple comforts, just taking in the joys of a cozy tree and ignoring the arguments from afar. There’s no tension, no anxiety, no problems, Clover’s content in a way the other characters aren’t and, honestly, good for him there. Few characters in the Circle of the World get to be this relaxed.

Except.

“No, lads, no.” Clover shook his head. “Very much no. You’re going at each other like a dog at a bitch. Wild and wayward. You’ve got to put more thought into this moment than any other. All your thought and all your effort, because everything you’ll ever have is apt to be snatched away in the next breath. Your lives are hanging in the balance!”

“They’re just sticks,” said the blond one.

Clover rubbed at his temples. “But we’re pretending they’re swords, you halfhead. I’m not a bloody stick teacher, am I?” The dark-haired boy opened his mouth and Clover held up a silencing hand. “Don’t answer that. Just take some time. Your dinner ain’t getting cold, is it?”

“You said strike fast.”

“Aye, once you strike, like lightning! But think before you strike, eh?”

(clucks tongue) Well, I’ll give Clover this: he’s giving way more effort and sincerity into verbal instruction than I expected a character of his archetype to give. And his teachings don’t strike me as wrong, so much as way above the level of young children to follow.

In fact, they kind of remind me of another Northman’s advice with fighting:

“Third, watch your opponent as close as you can, and listen to opinions if you’re given them, but once you’ve got your plan in mind, you fix on it and let nothing sway you. Time comes to act, you strike with no backward glances. Delay is the parent of disaster, my father used to tell me, and believe me, I’ve seen some disasters.”

—Before They Are Hanged, Fear

And Logen was a master at killing, so the fact that Clover’s coming pretty damn close to his advice is... hmmm.

“Why don’t you come and show us?” asked the dark one.

“Out there in the sun?” Clover chuckled to himself. “I didn’t become a bloody teacher so I could get up and do it my bloody self.”

Hahahaha, Clover might be a shit, but he’s a funny shit. I think I came closest to laughing as much with Orso’s chapter and Clover’s got a more wry, less heavier load of witticisms. If he’s truly a Northman, he’s definitely nothing like Logen.

If anything, he reminds me of a Northern Tunny instead, just this man of few principles and sheer laziness and not wanting to get off his arse and do stuff. Just like Tunny thinks war is enough of a pain without people fighting, Clover thinks teaching is enough of a pain without actually showing his students physical demonstration. I wonder if Clover has the same amount of experience in battle as Tunny, given his weary tones.

“But…” The blond boy shaded his eyes with his hand. If Clover had been the dark one, he’d have smashed him right then when he wasn’t looking. But the dark boy just stood there picking his nose. No initiative, these little bastards. “Aren’t you going to show us some… what do you call it… technique?”

!!! Geez, Clover, a bit Northern vicious, aren’t we? I guess that’s the difference between Clover and Tunny, what culture they were brought up in, and the North is drenched in blood and gore by this point, deep-set in rites of violence.

“Technique.” Clover laughed. “Technique is what we come to last. So far, you two are only just holding the sword by the right end.”

“It’s a stick,” said the blond one, frowning at his stick. “The ends are the same.”

Clover ignored him. “It’s a mindset I’m trying to teach you. A winning way of looking at the world.”

The dark boy was so baffled, he looked almost in pain. “It’s about hitting him with a sword, ain’t it?”

Clover took a slow breath in and slowly blew it out. “First of all, it’s about deciding when to, and when not to. In the end… the only thing a man can really do… is pick his moment. Watch for the opening, and recognise it when it comes, and seize it.” And Clover snatched at a handful o’ nothing and shook his fist. “Picking your moment. That’s the secret. You understand?”

Bwuhahaha! Well, there goes my theory that they’re of the Northern royal family, there’s no way the Calder lookalike would be baffled, given Calder was clever enough to catch Bethod’s greater meaning of what peace was at that age.

And yeah, I’m definitely getting airs of a Northern veteran with Clover, considering this rings eerily close to Logen’s advice. I wonder how much action he’s seen to now avoid it at all costs? How long’s he’s seen service?

If anything, Clover’s instructions make me think he’s, at least, no fool with a sword. A lazy, hilarious bastard, but no fool at fighting.

Clack, clack went the sticks. Tock, tock went a woodpecker in the trees behind. The snap of a stick in the brush and Clover slipped the knife from its sheath at his back and held it down behind his arm.

Another footstep and Clover reached out, without looking around, and tipped the basket of apples towards the newcomer.

“Apple?” he asked.

(stares) Yup, no fool at fighting. Not one bit. One sharp sound from afar and Clover went straight and ready to defend himself. A lazy bastard, but not one when it comes to his life, no sir.

Yet, he’s not one for violence at first gesture. Certainly different from the other piss-and-vinegar Northmen, more used to a scream and a swing of a sword, then a gift of apples.

Well played, Clover.

Black Calder was standing there, rubbing at that little scar on his chin as he watched the two boys swinging away and not picking their moment in the least. “No,” he grunted.

BLACK CALDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!! MY SWEET CLEVER BOY!!!!!

(SOBS HAPPY TEARS OF JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY)

Complete with the scar you got from your duel with Black Dow, I’ve noticed!

“Prince of the North?” The point of Dow’s sword pricked into Calder’s neck, twisting his head towards the bright sky, making him slither helplessly up onto all fours. “You’re a fucking embarrassment, boy.” And Calder gasped as the point flicked his head back and left a burning cut up the middle of his chin.

—The Heroes, By the Sword

Well, Black Calder’s presence here just confirms Clover’s a Northman, at least. Good to know! Though... why is Calder going out of his way to visit a lazy, old bastard?

“Hard day, Chief?”

“You get to my position, they all are.”

Clover looked back to the demonstration of how not to use a sword, knife already put away and his hands clasped across his belly. “Reckon that’s why I prefer my position.”

There’s that consciousness with Clover. That sense that he intentionally sought out a low-risk, ignoble teaching job because he’d rather an easy task than a host of hard days to go with it. Not that I blame him, the North’s a hard place, full of the bloody business without wanting to seek it out like a passionate lover. Say one thing about Clover, say he’s a bit of an expert at being content with his life.

“Huh.” Calder worked his mouth, a little sourly in Clover’s opinion, and said in a voice sharp with sarcasm, “Don’t get up.”

“I haven’t.”

Calder worked his mouth even more sourly. He was a sour sort these days, given how much life had given him, or how much he’d managed to claw from it, leastways. Time was he’d had a fine sense of humour, but the more men get, the sourer they tend to turn, and Black Calder had almost the whole North. His brother Scale might wear the king’s chain, but everyone knew Black Calder made the king’s choices.

(sighs with sadness) Oh, Calder. You really turned into your dad, huh. Even right down to conquering the North and all. Even the old generation turns out to repeat history’s cycle, like a circle, just like the new generation takes from the old generation and Calder’s become the second coming of Bethod once more.

Even down to how much power changes a man:

“In fact I do. I, too, am pursued, by agents of the King of the Northmen, Bethod. You’d think he’d have better things to do, what with this mad war against the Union, but Bethod, well, like him or no, you have to admit he’s persistent.”

“Persistently a shit,” said Shev.

“I won’t disagree,” lamented Whirrun. “The greater a man’s power swells, the smaller his good qualities shrivel.”

—Sharp Ends, Two’s Company

I just hope Seff’s keeping Calder grounded, at least. Keeping his good qualities fresh like spring dew instead of winter rot. Bethod didn’t have Ursi at the end...

Oh, you royal Northmen and your tragic stories of power.

Clover took his time. He considered it a point of principle to always take as much time as he could get away with. Then he shook out his aching legs, then slapped the dirt and dried pine needles from the arse of his trousers, then slapped his palms clean, too.

Heh. Very Glokta, Clover just taking his time because why rush through life. Rushing is for younger, intact legs and the fools they’re attached to. Take it easy.

“Let ring the bells,” said Calder. “This here is Jonas Clover.”

Clover looked around and got quite the shock to see someone had come up behind him and was leaning against the tree. A black-haired lad maybe twelve or thirteen years old with a cleft top lip and watchful eyes. He looked Clover up and down, and didn’t say a thing.

(tilts his head) Stour Nightfall? Too young, given Seff was pregnant with Stour at The Heroes and that was about twenty years ago. There are no obvious characters with cleft or in-born split top lips as parents. Who, then, considering he managed to sneak up on Clover? I have another thought, but... hmmm...

Also, neat first name! Does this mean Clover’s a Named Man? If so, I’m glad I was on the mark about him being a veteran. Maybe he got sick of the fighting life, like Craw did... until he gave up the peaceful life for more battle and blood.

“Used to be called Steepfield,” added Calder, which made Clover scratch unhappily at the back of his head. “Maybe you heard of him.”

“No,” said the lad, looking over at the two fighting boys with his pale eyes narrowed. “Who’re these?” They’d fallen to wrestling, lurching about with their sticks waggling at the sky.

So. Clover intentionally changed his Name rather than added a new one like Logen with The Bloody-Nine, Whirrun with the of Bligh titling, and maybe Rudd with Threetrees. Judging by the unhappy scratch, there’s some history with Steepfield (also, what kind of Name is Steepfield, where do you get a name like that?) that Clover would like to discard along with the name itself. Why’s that?

And, judging by the lack of knowing from this lad, I’m guessing Clover, operating under Steepfield, hasn’t been around, even in The Heroes.

“Those…” Clover considered denying any acquaintance with them, but doubted he’d get away with it. “Are my pupils.”

The lad considered ’em a moment, then pronounced his solemn judgement. “They’re no good.”

“You’ve an excellent eye. They’re shit. But that’s how you know what a truly great teacher I am. Any fool can get results from the gifted.”

The lad considered that. “So where’s the results?”

“You have to trust they’ll be along. Patience is a warrior’s most fearsome weapon. Take it from me. I’ve been in a few fights.”

“Did you win any?”

Clover snorted. “Oh, I like him, Calder. Did you come down here just to toss my hard-won reputation in the muck?”

Seriously, who is this child? He seems set up as someone important and he’s certainly got some insight to him, but no clues yet. Is he one of Calder’s children then? Seff has a pug nose, but no clefts, as far as I know.

Also, do you really believe that, Clover, or are you just trying to save face. I thought you didn’t care for face. (laughs)

Calder took an unhappy, growling breath. “My son.”

“The Great Wolf? Our king-in-waiting? That peerless warrior Stour Nightfall? Thought he knew how to use a sword.”

“He does. Too well, if anything. He’s proving somewhat… wilful. Set fire to Uffrith, the bloody idiot. All those years I spent planning how to take the city, and the moment I get it, he sets fire to it.”

“My father used to say you point three Northmen the same way they’ll be killing each other before you can order the charge. I’ve got Gregun Hollowhead and his boys from the West Valleys as like to join the Dogman as fight against him. How do I make them take my say-so when my own blood won’t? If Stour weren’t my son, I’d be forced to say the boy’s a fucking prick.”

!!!!! WHOA. We’re getting Stour Nightfall this early? Damn, I am up for this!!!

... I am less up for the implications that Stour went against Black Calder’s orders. I thought Calder burnt down Uffrith as a political message to the Union and its allies (the Dogman and his Named Men) as a middle finger to Bayaz, regardless of Shenkt alliance or not.

... But if it was Stour going rogue and burning shit for the hell of it, that’s a worse problem. And, if Calder, his own father, is calling Stour a prick... I’m getting the sense that parenting didn’t turn out a particularly great guy, which is WACK. What happened, Calder and Seff!?

Also, Gregun Hollowhead, huh? New name, I see! Good to see the west side of the North getting fleshed out, instead of east, past where the Crinna lies, or the High Places or even further to the upmost North.

Calder wasn’t listening. “He cares about nothing but his own fame. His own legend. What’s a bloody name worth at a market? Warriors.” He spat the word out like it tasted bitter. “I swear, the more they win, the worse they get.”

“Defeat is good for the spirit.” Clover scratched gently at his own scar with the little fingernail he left long for the purpose. “Learned that the hard way.”

I mean, Calder, you knew how warriors get. Not only have you lived your entire life with a musclehead brother, as good-natured as he is to you, you even went through an entire book of practical experience about how warriors are toxic masculinity vessels of bloodshed and murder, and that was putting aside Gorst!

Seriously, what happened with your parenting him, Calder!?

Right, so Clover lost a fight within an edge of his life long ago, and learnt to be less of a battle-hungry prick as a result. Right, the pieces are starting to come together. Discarding his old Name, and coming up with a more innocent Name as a way to discard that old battle-hungry prick.

In that sense, I can’t blame him, it’s when you lose that you have the strength to keep going in a way that forever winning will never grant you. You never fully know the person you are until you fall and have to get back up the first time.

That being said, why Clover of all names?

“He thinks he’s bloody invincible. And his name draws fools like a turd draws flies and they give him fool advice. I sent Wonderful over to be his second, try to teach the Great Wolf some caution.”

“Good choice. Good woman. Good judgement.”

“Stour’s got her tearing her bloody hair out.”

Clover frowned. “Wonderful’s got hair now?”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

WONDERFUL, HOW ARE YOU, YOU BALD BODY OF SALT AND SNARK!

At the very least, Calder knows his son enough that the ass-lickers won’t improve his disposition. Though, poor Wonderful, given how Calder talks of her with Stour.

Also, I totally had Clover’s exact reaction at the idea of Wonderful having hair. Eyebrows raised so high, the ceiling was the only thing stopping them from going up outer space.

“I want you to help her out. Keep Stour on the right path.”

“I’m supposed to know where the right path is?”

“A damn sight better than my prick of a son. Maybe you can nudge him off a couple of wrong ones, anyway.”

Clover scratched his beard, and watched the boys flounder in the meadow, and Calder’s lad shaking his head in disgust, and he took a slow breath in and slowly breathed it out. “All right, then.” He’d been around long enough to know when there was no squirrelling out of a thing. He grunted as he bent down and fished up his sword. Slowly, because why not? “I’ll do what I can.”

You know, I’ve been wondering why Calder, of all people, takes this chronically lazy bastard so seriously. And that part is absolutely what gives me pause on how much Clover’s laziness is an act and not something... darker, but at the same time, Clover really does seem genuine in wanting to take the path of least resistance. Very Tunny about wanting to dodge responsibility and just rest and sleep somewhere the boss can’t yell at him to work on things.

And, up to a point? I get why Calder would pick Clover, of all people. He really seems the opposite of most piss-and-vinegar Northern warriors, in terms of choosing less violent and vicious paths, but having the lived experience to understand where those typical warriors are coming from. And, judging from Clover’s narrative, he’s an intentional bastard too, choosing the best apple, unsheathing the knife immediately after the snapped stick, and choosing to weigh his options of rejecting Calder’s choice or not before committing.

I guess my thought is... how well-known was Clover, if Calder singled him out?

“Reckon that’s all any of us can do, in the end. You’re a straight edge, Clover. You’ve always been loyal.”

“Doubtless. I was loyal to Bethod, then to Glama Golden, then to Cairm Ironhead, now to you.”

“Well. You were loyal to them till they put themselves on the losing side.”

“That sounds almost exactly like disloyalty.”

Calder shrugged. “A man has to bend with the breeze.”

“If I’ve got one talent, it’s bending with the breeze. You keep the apples.” And Clover nudged the basket towards the scar-lipped lad with his boot. “They make my tummy hurt.”

1. SHIT. Craw’s dead, isn’t he. Why else would Calder want another straight edge on his side, if he already had the original one? The one who was so loyal, even to Black Dow, he wouldn’t even bend for Calder’s sake, originally? Damn it, Craw, I wish you took that retirement in peace, instead of dying and making Calder lose his other father... back to the mud, Curnden Craw, you old bastard. 2. Huh! A chronology of loyalty. Excellent. Let’s see... Bethod’s the easy one, dead at Last Argument of Kings, meaning Clover was around 576-577, even back then. Glama Golden was exiled from the North at The Heroes’ end, so he was still operating around 584 and... damn, Cairm Ironhead kicked it in-between The Heroes and now? What was the losing side in that case, considering he was for Black Calder until his self-interest shifted elsewhere, which... I wonder who. 3. Bend with the breeze, huh. Calder knows better than most anyone up North what it means to bend with the breeze, given he had to bend with Black Dow’s wind way back. Except Clover's got a longer list of masters swept aside for self-interest’s sake, and I suspect he’d look a virtuoso to Calder’s beginner’s luck.

“And all my dreams came true,” said Clover, ambling up with his sword over one shoulder.

Wonderful turned her head, showing the white scar through the black and silver stubble on her scalp, and hacked out a laugh. A laugh without much joy in it.

“Look who it is,” she said.

He glanced down at himself. “I recognise those boots! Jonas Clover has arrived and all wrongs shall be set right.” He winked at her but she was not much charmed. “Must be your lucky day.”

“I’m fucking due one.” And she slapped her hand in his, and pulled him close by it, and they clapped each other around the back for good measure.

Hahaha, this dynamic is already gold from the start. There’s a point to be said about how Clover is kind of like Craw, especially given the straight edge titling, but I feel like that’s only in a structural sense, given Clover and Craw are both tired, weary Northmen, too old for this shit. But Craw had a ton more principles, loyalty, and general care for his men, whereas Clover... seems to possess only one principle, and it’s slipping out of work like a snake through a field.

Not a healthy principle, but a deeply relatable one.

But yeah, whereas Craw and Wonderful were basically an old married couple... Craw was ultimately made of sterner cloth, dyed in a deeper sense of loyalty and principle. However, Clover and Wonderful fit like glove, two sarcastic, weary bastards cut from the same, old cloth from the more self-interested, pragmatic North, especially given how Wonderful stopped Beck from trying to kill Shivers or Calder after Black Dow and Brodd Tenways got cut down.

I’m laughing, their dynamic is comedic gold right now, but there’s an underpinning of genuine friendship between them, despite the snide words shared.

“Oh, me too.” And he patted his belly. “The body of a hero lies just below this carefully nurtured layer of fat.”

Hey, someone chubby! Awww, this just makes me like Clover all the more. Not to say that a man who’s accumulated all that weight probably took care not to rush headfirst into battle. Lots of care.

“You dare trifle with me, woman? I’m supposed to mind the future of the North, the king-in-waiting, the Great Wolf, Stour Nightfall.”

Both her brows went up now. “You?”

“I’m to keep him on the right path. Calder’s words.”

“Good luck with that.” She beckoned him close and lowered her voice. “Not sure I ever met a bigger prick than that boy, and I stood second to Black Dow.”

Clover snorted. “For a day you did.”

“A day was plenty.”

I’m smiling, I’m laughing at all this, and it’s officially more than I’ve laughed in any other chapter so far, this chapter and Clover feels very reminiscent of The Heroes in that sense...

... But not going to lie, I’m a little scared of what Stour’s going to be like now. Worse than Black Dow? Hell, I actually really like Black Dow as a character, but his reputation was intentionally trying for the blackest.

So. Someone who’s worse than him? And that someone being Calder’s son? (grimace)

Wonderful jerked her head towards a column of smoke rising above the trees. “He’s even now burning a village we just captured over yonder. He was going house to house when I left him. Making sure the flames got the lot.”

... This reminds of Bright Yilling from Half a War, and, for those who haven’t read that (though you should, and the rest of the Shattered Sea trilogy, what is wrong with you), that is not a welcome comparison.

And Stour came swaggering down the track. He’d been given the name Nightfall as a babe, on account of being born during an eclipse. It had been an hour before, in fact, but no one dared say so now. All part of the ever-inflating legend of the Great Wolf. He’d long, dark hair, and fine clothes buckled and riveted with gold, and these grey-blue eyes that looked always a little wet, as if he was about to cry. Tears of acid contempt, maybe, for the world and everything in it.

He was no giant, but there was a quick strength to the way he moved. A dancer’s grace. And sneering confidence in crazed abundance. A surfeit of self-belief can get you killed, but Clover had seen it carry men through fire before as well. The old iron skin of arrogance. Here was a fellow who knew how to pick his moment, and to cut what he wanted from it with no hesitation and even less regret.

He had that crowd of cunts with him that famous fighters tend to gather, many of them proudly sporting the sign of the wolf on their shields. Men with no name of their own, drawn to the big name like moths to a bonfire. Clover had seen the wretched pattern a dozen times before. Glama Golden had a crew very similar, and the Bloody-Nine, too, and more than likely Skarling Hoodless had a glowering gaggle however many hundred years before.

Well.

1. Hah! I half-wondered if Abercrombie were going to deconstruct the Nightfall epithet and, lo and behold, he did! I don’t really blame his family though, even though I’ll laugh at them for it, that part really is a sick-ass name. 2. He’s certainly less pug-nosed than I expected of him. A bit more classically handsome, I take it he took mostly from Calder’s side of the gene pool, appearance-wise, except for those wet eyes. “Acid contempt,” indeed. 3. I... spoke that “cut-price Bloody-Nine” remark about him way back in Rikke’s first chapter and now I’m thinking that was more on the mark than I realized. Calder, this is the son you made and raised? By the dead. 4. If we continue the Calder = Next Generation Bethod allusion, then there’s a sick, sad irony to the fact that Calder and Seff gave birth to the Next Generation Logen in Stour, just like Bethod originally gave birth to the Bloody-Nine’s horrific reputation in using Logen. History repeats once more in the Circle of the World. 5. He’s certainly living up to the hype of my expectations, but I’m honestly rather scared of what Stour’s going to do to Clover. Please don’t disfigure him, Stour.

Stour Nightfall fixed Clover with that wet, cold, hollow stare, quick hand sitting loose on the pommel of his sword, and his grin was full of good teeth and bad threats.

“Jonas Clover,” he said. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Annnnnnnnnnnnd... he’s a fucking prick. I guess I can’t say false advertisement from Calder.

Though, huh, even Stour knows Clover while that other lad Calder had with him didn’t? Interesting.

“He knows who his father is,” sneered one of the sneerers. A heavy-muscled young bastard with a whole armoury strapped about him, made a sound on the move like a knife-seller carting too much stock.

Stour scowled sideways. “Shut your mouth, Magweer.” Magweer bristled to be slapped down, a wearisome pattern of manly goings-on in which Clover, to his shame, had once been a keen participant. “What I want to know is—why did he send you?”

Yeah, I’m definitely pegging Clover to be a former battle-hungry prick until he was defeated somewhere.

Also, heh, I can’t help but snicker at Magweer and his wearing an armoury on his person. My god, this utter loser. Seriously, Clover’s older lens on the younger Northern warrior dickheads is hilarious. And I might not think much of Stour’s manners, but slapping down Magweer made me like this ass-pup just a little.

“I thought I could smell dung.” And Stour sniffed, and licked his teeth, and wiped at his nose with a thumbtip. “So what’d be your first advice?”

“Never scratch your eyebrows with a sword.” Clover grinned. No one else did, but that was their lookout. “Best to just leave ’em in the scabbard whenever possible, I’d say. Drawn swords are bloody dangerous, that’s a fact.”

The joke might be there to catch people off-guard, but Clover’s got a greater point: only use your sword when you absolutely must. Swords are dangerous business and they incite more violence you might not get out of when a basket of apples can earn you more than a blade’s edge.

Stour stepped a little closer and brought a little bubble of menace with him. “Wisdom fit for a hero,” he whispered.

“I used to want to be a hero.” Clover patted his belly. “Grew out of it. But I told your father I’d do what I could.”

I’m reminded of how Beck wanted to be a hero, a big, strong Named Man with his own legacy beyond being the blood of Shama Heartless... but got out of that bloody business, thank god. Most Northern children seem to want that kind of big Name and puffed-up sense of legend through story and song, to be heroes famed in them. Clover was likely a young Northern fool, just like the others, and didn’t get out in time, probably too late to get out of it by this point, though he certainly made a game effort until he got found by Calder.

“So…” Stour swept his hand out towards the valley. “Care to point out the path?”

“Wouldn’t presume. I know what I am, and I’m one of life’s followers.”

Pffffffffft! What an anti-climax, compared to all that talk about steering Stour bad roads away! One rooted in character, for sure, but I half-expected Clover to actually follow through a bit, given that first bit of decent advice. Then again, actually guiding Stour Nightfall would require a truly herculean effort than a thousand poor, old Clovers could ever exert. And who has the time and energy for that sort of nonsense?

The king-in-waiting opened his wet eyes wide. “Try to keep up, then, old man.” And he brushed past, eyes fixed on his next conquest, and Clover stepped out of the way of his scowling companions, bowing low. “I want to burn us another village or two before sundown!” the Great Wolf called over his shoulder, and the young glories competed with each other to laugh the loudest.

“What did I say?” Wonderful leaned close. “Absolute prick.”

Yup. And Clover’s tied to that prickish ass-pup until the bitter end, it seems. That being said, this ending does solidify why Clover’s a point-of-view character in this book: to give a viewpoint camera to Stour’s side of things. A war-weary warrior partnered up with a familiar old hand from the past books to babysitter the North’s newest iteration of the Bloody-Nine. In a lot of ways, it definitely opens up more possibilities of what I expect out of Clover’s character going forward. Is he going to bend with the wind, or is he actually going to give some genuine counsel to the ass-pup and make headway? This chapter says no, but who knows about Stour going forward.

As a chapter, The Moment is very... relaxed. Very content to take its own pace and just take life at its own terms until Clover gets dragged off by Calder’s schemes and hopes of muzzling the Great Wolf. In that sense, it’s perfect for showcasing Jonas Clover, a chapter where he just wants be a layabout and exert no actual effort until he’s dragged along by the whims of more vicious and higher Northmen. Less an active participant and someone who has to bend with strong winds coming in fierce. It’s also a set-up for Stour Nightfall’s character and... wow, is he just a massive prick. I know I keep harping on this, but what the hell happened, Calder and Seff.

As a character... honestly, Clover’s fucking great right out the gate! Nothing necessarily new or fresh, per say, like I said, there’s shades of Craw and, mostly, Tunny as a Northman in him, but an old mentor who intentionally goes out of his way to duck out of working at his teacher and is just a barrel of witticisms amid that? Sign me up! It doesn’t hurt that his war-weary lens expresses itself with such a wry, exasperated gaze at these cut-price dickhead warriors, just the new hotness, expressed in more ridiculous ways than the last generation. I never laughed so hard in a chapter until this one! And it also doesn’t hurt that he and Vick feel very... first trilogy in terms of weariness, experience, and practicality so far, compared to the much more fresher bloods. And it also doesn’t hurt there are signs of a Clover that’s not all avoidance and laziness, found in that immediately unsheathed knife at the snapped stick.

I’m definitely looking forward to what’s next for Jonas Clover!

PART I

Chapter One: Blessings and Curses Chapter Two: Where the Fight’s Hottest Chapter Three: Guilt Is a Luxury Chapter Four: Keeping Score Chapter Five: A Little Public Hanging Chapter Six: The Breakers Chapter Seven: The Answer to Your Tears Chapter Eight: Young Heroes Chapter Nine: The Moment Chapter Ten: Break What They Love

#a little hatred #a little hatred spoilers #the age of madness #the first law #joe abercrombie #jonas clover #a little hatred part I

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alphabees-writes · 4 years

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Glee - S1 E4 (Preggers)

And from this moment onwards, Kurt Hummel proceeded to steal every single damn scene he was in. I’m actually unironically excited for this one. I didn’t think that could still happen! Here goes!

I will always love this Single Ladies scene. I will always love season 1′s Tina/Kurt friendship. Also, Brittany’s here, inexplicably. Did he pay her for this? In Pixie sticks, perhaps? Or Monopoly money?

“Kurt’s Superstar Playlist” is the most adorable name his playlist could possibly have. All we get to see on it are 4 Beyonce songs, and 1 Gwen Stefani - but it’s a cute little insight.

God sometimes I forget how cute Jenna Ushkowitz is and then this scene really slaps me round the face with it huh!!!

WHY are you filming this, Kurt? What are you using this for? I’d love to know. I’d say it’s just to check out his own dancing technique but it’s in black and white… Where are you posting this!!!

I want that swingy-suspended chair thing he has in his room sooooo bad

Ok now the fact that this is being filmed is giving me fic ideas…

BURT HUMMEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BURT F U C K I N G HUMMEL BABIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God the look of fear on all three of their faces when they see Burt??? Don’t you worry kids he’ll come around real soon…

Burt’s approving nod when he yanks on Kurt’s unitard… God I love this man.

The LOOK on Kurt’s FACE when Brittany says he’s on the football team… I can hear his inner monologue like “bitch we may be in the basement but I will make a window to throw you out of”

Kurt just wants to relate to his old man so bad :( Baby boy he’s already so damn proud of you!!! Also that LAUGH.

He really just slapped Tina’s ass! And she completely rolls with it, the absolute champion. Also, the subtitles Netflix provided me with were (smacks bottom) and I just love that.

Oh god it immediately cuts to the WORST scene. Terri learning to give birth. William Schuester trying to help. Just let me perish, RIB?

Shout out to Kendra’s actress for somehow managing to make her character even more despicable than Terri!

Actually the shit she says to Will here is almost valid… All three of them are fucking awful huh!

Seriously why are Kendra and Terri the best actresses on this whole show? It’s the only reason I care about this fake pregnancy arc anymore…

The teacher’s lounge is always either an arid, desolate wasteland, or the only watering hole within 100 miles where all the thirsty ass teachers congregate. Take your pick.

Why does Will pretend to hesitate before going to sit with Ken and Emma? They’re the only people we ever see you talk to dude!!!

Ken with the psychoanalysis, wow. Just hit her right there buddy!

THAT’S HOW SUE C’s IT!!!

Rachel really just EXPECTS every solo… I almost forgot how bad she was when she started. “Maria is MY part!” Not anymore!! Kudos to Lea Michele for managing to make Rachel really sound like she thinks she’s the victim when she really isn’t.

Tina’s face… She was seriously happy. Season 1 Rachel SUCKS for even trying to take this from her. She IS talented. She IS ready!

Everybody else knows it’s a fat load of BS… Kurt lowers his sunglasses to look at her like she’s a bug beneath his shoe. Also, Kurt, why sunglasses? You don’t start getting hangovers ‘til next episode, sweetie!!

“You’re trying to punish me” I think being a total martyr might be one of Rachel’s worst traits early on in the series. I get that performing is her deal, but she can’t even take a second to at least fake being happy for Tina? Unreal.

Everybody else just moving straight on with it is hilarious. They’re all so happy for Tina and don’t give a shit about Rachel’s melodrama, which I’m living for!

I wanna be all “Finn’s an arrogant bastard for assuming Kurt wanted to ask him to prom, grr!!” But then I remember Kurt’s canonically in love with him at this point, so I’ll let him off this time

Kurt’s devious little smile when he asks Finn for a favour… I love one (1) boy!

AHHH THE TRYOUT SCENE. INCREDIBLE. This might honestly be my favourite scene from season 1. It’s definitely up there, anyway.

Cute brotherly Furt moments. Finn putting that helmet on for him. “Red’s your colour!” And they DON’T make Kurt get all giggly about Finn just being nice to him? Kurt just telling him he’s really cool? Pure.

“Rehearsing–” “PRACTICING!”

Finn tells Kurt he’ll be murdered if he uses his music and Kurt comes straight back with that rum chocolate souffle line. This show would be NOTHING without Kurt.

And THIS is what I mean when I say Kurt was a Gryffindor from the get-go. Even now he’s refusing to be anything less than himself for anybody, even the jackasses that harass him every day when he’s on their pitch.

Shut the fuuuuuuuck up, Puck!

“Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of kicker.” What did we do to deserve him?

His starting pose… His hips… The footwork… “That was good, right?” His whole ATTITUDE. THE ROYAL WAVE.

As if the TV network would cancel Sue’s news segment for having a few Cheerios in the glee club?

Oh god. Quinn telling Finn she’s pregnant. The fucking cinematography here… The camera work, the audio mixing…

“Think of the mail… Think of the MAIL…”

Did Quinn seriously just say “Ask Jeeves” told her the hot tub could knock her up? I mean, I know she’s lying, but ASK JEEVES? That should’ve tipped Finn off more than anything else…

Damn. Season 1 really had the power to get me shook, laughing, and then crying in the span of 30 seconds? Or maybe it’s just because I can’t stand seeing Diana cry…

Sandy lets his kettle whistle for far too long, it stresses me out

Sue just… Offers this fired man a job? I know she’s got Figgins by the balls over the stockings commercial, but come on, surely the council would get involved or whatever???

Rachel sucks right now but god damn it Taking Chances gives me chills every time I hear her sing it… And she’s so cute when they tell her she got the lead!!!

If musical stuff is so frowned upon socially here, how are they expecting to get a full cast for Cabaret? Especially if NONE of the other glee kids are interested?

And there’s no funding for the arts but they have a whole ballet studio on school property…?

Sign #12 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He just straight up tells Rachel that he’s the only person that likes her, which is wrong for so many reasons

He does have a point about Rachel needing to take a step back sometimes though. I hate that she’s so awful sometimes that I have to agree with Schuester.

He’s not HURTING you Rachel, he’s giving a chance to grow to somebody else!

Jenna did a beautiful job with this solo… Tina’s so cute too! I love her singing this sweet song with her goth aesthetic

This scene between Mr Schue and Tina was almost sweet BUT:

Sign #13 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He did NOT need to touch Tina’s shoulders, or get that close, or whisper to comfort her.

Don’t take one for the team, Tina! Take one for YOURSELF!

I’ll let him hugging Finn slide because, wow, Finn’s breaking my heart right now…

However I will not let it slide that he’s seemingly taken him off campus for lunch…???? Dude, take him to your office. This is creepy as all hell even if he has good intentions…

“I got this at the school library. Did you know that you can just… Borrow books from there?” Protect him. Protect him at ALL costs. He was so genuinely inspired by watching Kurt make those goals that he went to a library for the first time in his LIFE oh my goodness

Oh god. The camera panning from a random father and his young son, over to Mr Schue looking at Finn? HE’S NOT YOUR SON MY GUY, HE IS YOUR PUPIL. PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES!!!

Terri and Will are both brushing their teeth with no toothpaste… Freaks…

Have I mentioned how much I adore those little background choir soundbites between scenes? They did so much for this show…

SHUT! UP! PUCK! Drink your fucking character development juice already!!!

Kurt just casually dropping in Sun Tzu’s Art of War… He just knows that. He’s prepared to just drop that in conversation. Son, why are you so ready for combat,

Also the way Kurt commands their attention? They can rag on him all they want but they all know he’s legit…

Look at all these doofuses in their football gear busting a move. Look at Kurt sat at the front just watching, judging, as he was born to do

MIKE! KILLING! IT! I love that they let us see a sneak peek of his moves… Serious HC that Kurt making the football team dance is the first time that Mike really got to show off his skills

Kurt shooing Mr Schue away like that gives me life!!! Sit down old man

“All right boys…” And they all look so concerned behind him lmao… “Oh– SNEAK ATTACK back to the ring…” Mike’s trying so hard to keep in time. I love him. OH and there’s Matt! Most valid glee club member simply because he never says anything.

“Comb through the hair… SLAP THE BUTT!” And they’re all trying so hard… 10/10

“I’m your best friend,” says Puck, to the boy he has been consistently fucking over for four (4) episodes, and presumably many years prior…

I really do hate Puck for the first part of this season but god damn does he have some lines. “’Sup, MILF?” “Well, CALL the Vatican! We got ourselves another ImMaCuLaTe CoNcEpTiOn!”

I remember the first time I heard the term “Lima Loser” but I didn’t know the show was set in a place called Lima (I would’ve been, like, 9) and I thought it was lime-a-loser. Like he was going to have limes thrown at him. And it was this big, serious threat…

How the FUCK did Terri get into Quinn’s car? Why is that never addressed? Like, ever? Quinn doesn’t even ASK?

Do this many people turn up to American high school sports events irl??? And do they really play the national anthem? That must get old

Why are all these football players 30… I’m so thirsty for realistic casting…

BURT’S HERE TO SEE HIS SON!!! We love a proud dad.

“I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU!!!” And now he’s doing high kicks. Kurt’s doing the absolute MOST.

I will never understand the rules of American football… And I mean NEVER.

“Ring on it on three” I love that it has a code name. And they were all too busy being dudebros to call it Single Ladies…

The one dude on the opposite team who starts boogying along is the real MVP

NEVERMIND. BURT BOPPING IN THE STANDS IS THE MVP!!!

“Can I pee first?” Legendary

Burt just going “he’s so little…” In the middle of the silent crowd…

MY BOY NEEDS HIS MUSIC!

BURT’S SO FUCKING PROUD I’M ACTUALLY CRYING??? YOU CAN HEAR HIM SHOUTING “THAT IS MY BOY!!! THAT IS MY SON!!!” THROUGH THE WHOLE CROWD!!!!

I feel like Puck seeing Finn and Quinn kiss and then the crowd going silent as he walks away is meant to make me feel… Bad for him…? But we’ve only ever seen him be mean to Quinn, really. You’ve got to earn those moments!

Ah… The skincare routine. He’s thriving.

Burt! Hummel! Is! Proud! Of! His! Son!

Burt… I’m pretty sure he assumed you wished his mother was alive. As opposed to her corpse being at the big game.

Oh boy here it comes…… Chris looks SO young here. So scared. So vulnerable. The way he slightly stutters… He nailed this scene. So much.

He’s gay!

He knows.

Do they make sensible heels in sizes for three year olds…? Asking for a dad

The raw EMOTION on Kurt’s face. It’s killing me.

This is the starting point… “I’m not in love with the idea, but I love you.” And it only gets better from there…

And he THANKS his SON. He’s sure. He’s so sure, Burt, and you are going to be so proud of him forever.

Finn gives Quinn that blanket his dad gave him when he was a baby… Did she give it back? I fucking hope so…

You tell him, Finn! Puck IS an asshole!

MIKE’S IN GLEE!!! SO IS MATT!!! And Puck’s here I guess, yay… He’s got a season or so of sucking to go before I can get excited about that.

“Regionals” here we come? My guy, let’s get through sectionals first…

Rachel’s big, cruel smile when she thinks she’s going to be handed Tina’s solo. Why would she presume that it’d just get handed to her??? I mean, I know why, but like, why… And she has the audacity to look like she’s been betrayed. Not even slightly, hon! You deserve nothing if not getting one solo is all it takes for you to quit!

This Sue’s corner genuinely gets me through some shit. “There’s not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you - they’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will.” Hits me hard!

This one was longer. Primarily because of Burt, I will admit, but it can’t be helped. Perhaps it’s the best episode of season 1 because of Burt! Now that’s a break through…

#Glee #Glee Season 1 #Rosie watches things and then says things about the thing

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vaguelygeiszlerian · 4 years

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1 to 50

ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

#long post #christ that took like 3 hours #i dont know things about myself #thanks for asking though #Anonymous

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #253

hope everyone is staying safe through this quarantine. wash your hands.

Which band do you have more music of than anyone else on your computer? Ozzy. Who’s your favorite philosopher? *shrugs* I don't know any's ideals well. How old were you when you learned how to read? I'm not sure, but I know I was exceptionally young. What’s the coolest Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? I don't think I've ever worn something rather cool. Who’s your favorite painter/artist? If we're talking about well-known, "popular" artists, I'm not sure. Maybe DaVinci. What’s your favorite song lyric- ever? ARE YOU??????????? FOR REAL?????????? Holy FUCK I get goosebumps from lyrics SO easily, this is like impossible. Probably an Otep lyric, though. I really don't like her personally, but goddamn can she write. What’s your dream tattoo if you don’t have it already? I've linked it before, so I'll just remind it's "Denialism" by deviantART's NukeRooster on my entire, upper left arm. I've already gotten her permission (I don't like just... stealing artwork to put on my body), now just comes the day I can pay for it by a top-tier pro. What’s the coolest screen name you’ve ever had? I don't think any have been necessarily "cool." Who do you think was the most badass serial killer? (Real life.) I'm not well-versed in serial killers honestly, but I can say Charles Manson was a C A S E. I think we can all admit he was... interesting. Just the epitome of weird. Most badass fictional serial killer? ig Jason; again, I don't know a lot off the top of my head, but I like him. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't have one. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yep. Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Parts of it, sure. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but Mom's is a... Honda? Kia? Idk. I'm bad with car brands. What kind of car would you like to have? Average size, pretty simple. Burnt orange or red. I know I want one of those screens you look into to see what's behind you when backing up. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. So unhealthy, but I will destroy and Oreo Cupfection. Try. That. Stuff. Their milkshakes are also great. Which website do you email from? Outlook. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Sure, it's nice. Have you ever had the flu? No. What about strep throat? Maybe once? Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? Kinda, yeah. Did you ever enjoy gym class? Fuck no. Even when I was healthy. What is your biggest insecurity? My body. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. How many huge secrets do you have? Huge? Uhhh, none, I think. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yes. Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I prefer eating out because yummy food, but considering I'm working on losing weight, I avoid it. Do you have any younger siblings? One. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? To the point of being snow white. Considering my hair is super healthy and bleaching so heavily would destroy it, I'll be avoiding that. I DO want to bleach my hair to do other colors, though. Brown hair sucks. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Oh sure, a good handful. The Outsiders probably tops it. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like veggies on my burgers... despite eating veggie burgers when I was vegetarian lmao. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I doubt that. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you enjoy reading often? I'm finally back into it!! Lately all I've been wanting to do is READ READ READ. Have you ever had a deadly illness? Well, I consider depression (among other mental illnesses) to be very deadly, but on a literal level, no. I mean I have dormant MRSA, which can kill if active, but it never has been. Most people carry that dormantly anyway, if I remember correctly. Ever had food-poisoning before? No, thankfully. Where did you last eat dinner at? Mom bought Nicole and me Sonic. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you? When I fainted, yes. Are you a flirty person? Not really. A name you hate with a passion? Edward, to name one. Erwin. A lot of old names. What is your favorite type of water (ex. arrowhead)? Essentia mmmmmmmmmmmmm,, Have you ever been to Warped Tour? I WISH. :( Do you know anyone who wears fur? I fucking hope not, because I wouldn't associate with them anymore. When was the last time you were on myspace.com? Damn yo, millennia ago. How often do you cuss? Too much. I mean, I don't even believe "profanity" is a thing by our definition of "that word is magically bad," but still, it's like when people say "like" too much. Have you ever cussed out a teacher? No. What did you think of the movie Juno? I never watched it. How often do you eat meat? Sigh, more than I wish. What grade did you meet your best friend in? We didn't meet in school. Last time you cleaned your room? Couple days back. I'm honestly bad at dusting regularly in here, but that's gotta change with Mom having chemo now. Her immune system will be compromised so this house needs to be as pristine as it can. When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? Disney Channel. We weren't really Cartoon Network kids, actually. It was Disney or Nickelodeon. Do you shave your arms? No. Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? Never read a book, never watched any movies; the first one was playing in my presence once, but I paid no attention. How often would say you pulled all-nighters, if you ever do? Shit man, never, nowadays. I don't think I've had one for two years now. My youth is escaping. Has a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend ever had a problem with you for any reason? I don't think so. How many times a day do you find yourself cracking your joints, if at all? Maybe not even once a day. Only my big toes and upper back can pop. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Mom. Do you have a dog? Not anymore, thank fuck. Do you like orange juice? Yes. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister? I never liked it. They're not inclusive at all towards fucking NORMAL bodies, nevermind plus size. Apparently even their rules on looks for workers are absolutely horrible. Ashley liked them though, so sometimes I just had to go in with her. If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? My goth could finally E S C A P E. How do you/did you get to school? My mom drives me. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Four times that I remember off the top of my head. What candy cane flavor is your favorite? MMMMMMMMMM get the pink Starburst kind. Do you get angry when fast food restaurants mess up your order? It's annoying, yes. Angering when you've already driven away, especially when you really wanted something. What was your favorite elective class in high school? Art. Did you ever wish you could be homeschooled? Yes. I was homebound for a little while. Have you ever had a dream so realistic you could’ve sworn it happened? Yes. Do you have any mental disorders? I'm a walking mental disorder, lmao. Y'all know the biggies, and now ADD and especially DPD (dependent personality disorder) are being considered. Do you feel comfortable talking about these disorders, if you have them? Yeah, I really don't care. Where did you go on your last field trip? I want to say to a band competition in high school. Are you able to agree to disagree? Or do you have to have the last word? Yeah, pretty easily. Is there a cover song you like better than the original version? A whole lot, actually. Do you have a hard time talking about sex with the opposite gender? I have a hard time with anyone. Have you ever had major surgery? Major, no. Is there any food you don’t like that a lot of others do? Here in the South, everyone is most surprised when they hear I hate fried chicken. What was the last thing you bragged about? Hm. I'm not sure, actually. I don't make a habit out of doing that. Can you do a backflip? Hell no. Are you listening to anything right now? I have a video up of relaxing tracks from Silent Hill 2 + 3. Great shit. Has anyone ever tried to tell you you were adopted? No. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, but one's just the closet door. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do any of your friends have children? Yep. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really. Who got married at the last wedding you attended? A family friend. It was the second wedding I shot. Is happiness something to be achieved and sought after or is it something to be retained and held onto always, no matter what happens? The former. You can't just stay happy when, like, your grandma dies. What gives you a peaceful feeling? Nature. Hearing water and birdsong, specifically. Are you a Toys-R-Us kid? Hell yeah I was. My sisters and I would go crazy if we had the chance to go there. We were SOOOO upset when it closed down. If you believe in Heaven, are there separate heavens for different animals (kittie heaven. dog heaven, bird heaven, etc)? I don't know if I believe in a "heaven," but some sort of peace after death, yes. I believe it's one, unified "heaven." When you sleep next to someone do they fall asleep first usually or do you? They always do considering it takes me ten years to fall asleep. If they do, do you watch them sleep? I have. Not in a creepy way, but rather a "wow I love this person" sorta way. What is your usual breakfast? Usually apple and cinnamon oatmeal What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're nothing special. The salt is a blue ceramic, and the pepper one is just what you get from the store. Have you ever had your car towed? I've never had my own car. What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I'm pretty sure Elvis is given that credit. Whose voice irritates you like fingernails on a blackboard? The female singer of Mother Mother's voice. Mom and I can't stand her singing. All I songs we enjoy feature almost solely the main singer. I can *tolerate* it in some songs, but. What do you contribute to society? Ha. Do you take naps? Almost daily. Do you have any cavities? Not to my knowledge. Do you believe that there has been a man on the moon? Yes, though I do believe the "first" landing was faked in competition with Russia. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm so serious, look into the theory - there's incredible evidence. Would you ever go into a sex shop? I'd be too self-conscious to. I'd just order online. Let’s just say your school team is on a winning streak. One of the cheerleaders cheers both for your team and the other team during games. Does it make you angry? I don't care enough about sports to even consider how I'd feel. Do you prefer carnivals, festivals, circuses, parades or faires? To be real, I only know the difference between parades and circuses. What even distinguishes the other three from each other. Do you believe in psychic ability or is it a sham? I lean towards no. What is your favorite classic rock song? You CANNOT ask me this question. Classic rock is some of the best music there is.

#survey #quiz #questions

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