#you cannot suggest a single thing that is funnier to me
Text
During my foolish attempt (thankfully, successful, through a lot of time, trial and error) at DMC5 SoS difficulty run, the Vergil fights have caught my attention. Vergil's behaviour in both fights is very unusual, and I wanted to share some thoughts on this matter.
post sponsored by mutual @stashoflostsouls's suggestion to share this
I'll open up with the most obvious one, a rebuttal of a misconception, that I've seen a number of times in the fandom, and which baffles me to this day - M20, aka Son VS Idiot Dad fight, which is a complete joke.
Don't get me wrong, this was not the hardest difficulty, not am I the most skilled player, but I almost won this battle first try, and actually won it on second, while being extremely freakin rusty at Nero game, by which I mean halfway remembering the controls in the middle of the fight. Even if you learn the attack patterns and dodges, a proper challenging bossfight will not allow this kind of victory.
M20 Vergil tends to fall on his knee for a breather after laying a single finger on him, he is Much Slower than before, and he gets caught by the most obnoxious Devil Breaker animations to boot. M20 Vergil is exhausted, he does not have his proper strength for this fight, and so a newly-awakened Nero thrashes him easily. Literally. This fight is mechanically and challenge-wise equal to an interactive cutscene, same as the credits. This does NOT mean Nero is on par with the twins' power, it only means he stopped them in their final moments, running all of their last fumes into that rush, only to be stopped from ending it all.
Okay, now that weird thing out of the way - M19 the Twins Final Stand.
Vergil behaves Very Weird in this fight, to say the least. First of all - phase 1 and phase 3 attacks are...Heaven and Hell. On SoS you need to dodge three then five consecutive Judgement Cuts. If phase 1 Vergil can be parried, interrupted or juggled even, phase 3 Vergil is completely bonkers insane, the only thing you can do against him is pray and run away. again I am not too skilled at the game.
Which, you know, is unusual for him. Because Vergil is decidedly Not known for toying with his prey. Vergil is known for going all in and executing threats on sight. It is weird for him to hold back so obviously.
Even funnier, one of the defeat lines he says is 'You've disappointed me, Dante' as in 'player you fool, this is only my first easy phase of the fight, how will you even survive the DT transition'.
i heard this one a lot
But okay, this can be excused by DMC5 being, y'know, a game. And a good bossfight needs mechanics, phases and challenge escalation, otherwise, it will decidedly not be a good bossfight, I hear you say. Hold that thought.
Now for the Arguably Most Stupid Move In the Entirety of DMC - the Mega Ultra Super Freakin Charged Flying Lizord Freight Attack during the 2d to 3d fight phase transition.
youtube
I cannot find the words to properly describe just how stupid this move is. It is flashy and powerful, which does suit Vergil at first glance, however, this is a fight against Dante. Batshit like this Would never work on Dante, Could never work on Dante, and never ever Will work on Dante. You wanna know how to dodge this attack? Double jump. That's it. Of course, you can get fancy and RoyalRevenge it right back, or Gunslinger-charge the IMMAH FIRE MAH LAZOR with the Double Kalinnas, or do another stylish move, but the easiest, cheapest, most obvious way to dodge this attack is double jump.
Do you see why this is stupid. For your notice, even the fried chicken Malphas' rampage attack has a larger hitbox than this!!!
Now, contrary to all the evidence presented above, there is One attack in the 1st phase which you must always take seriously - the teleporting Stab. It's the scenic attack which has Vergil shishkebab the player with Yamato and reminisce on 'the old times'. This attack is not hard to dodge, any moving will do it, however the Timing has to be very exact - too fast or too slow, and you can say bye-bye to your healthbar.
youtube
This attack is Vergil NOT messing around, this one is serious and dangerous, and you need to always keep it in mind. This attack is Vergil checking you, this is him testing how in control you are of this fight. If you are too excited, or tired, or your attention wandered and he does this - Easy Mode is Now Selectable TM. If I am not mistaken, this is the only attack which timing does not change between phases, meaning the dodge window in phase one and phase three is the same. Meaning this attack is Vergil Not holding back, unlike every other move in phase one, which is considerably faster the more the fight progresses.
So, what do we have in total:
Vergil responding in kind to Dante's provocation in the cutscene; then for some reason limiting himself during the start of the fight; except The Stab, which you can consider a provocation in of itself; doing a needlessly flashy and hopelessly useless freight train attack, which Vergil overly-telegraphs by flying around (parading) beforehand; and only after ALL THIS, does he start fighting in proper.
Why?
Tu-dunnn, advertising time! I am a firm believer and follower of the amazing mutual @stashoflostsouls' school of character analysis and thought, and for this particular post I will be referencing her analysis of Vergil's motivation, which you can guess from the title of this analysis - Vergil loves his brother and it’s the reason he falls, and her analysis on V(ergil) and how Dante ended up being the death omen of his own brother.
You should really treat yourself to reading the full versions of this, but a tldr for the post purposes: Vergil loves his brother so much, he could never kill him; Dante's determination to chase Vergil made him a death omen for his own older brother; after his rebirth in dmc5 Vergil feels rejected by Dante, has no reason to live, and he is ready to face death, which he has been running from his whole life, at the hands of his younger brother.
This analysis shines new light and makes sense of this erratic behaviour of Vergil's in M19. The entire fight is one big trap, a provocation, only the last phase of the fight is the actual last stand. The holding back at the beginning of the fight, and the frying freight lizord attacks are a big red flag Vergil keeps waving in front of Dante. To make him commit to this fight, to truly end this for once and for all, to bait his younger brother into thinking Vergil is serious and force his hand into killing Vergil, because that's the only way he would allow himself to go out.
thanks for reading, bonus discord quote about this from my dear mutual @stashoflostsouls
p.s. my dear mutual @fluffypichu876 has also pretty much confirmed this in regards to highest-difficulty experience with the Vergil bossfights, much thanks and appreciation for that insight)
#this is unhinged overanalysis of basic boss mechanics#youre welcome#mutual thank you for nagging me to share this)#and a big thank you for finding that quote it is absolutely hilarious#dmc#vergil sparda#dante sparda#the sparda loser twins#dmc5#Youtube
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 10: “Big Time Party”
Highlights: An epic Palm Woods party thrown by the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood! Also, a single five-second scene proves enough to nearly break me.
As the guys enter Rocque Records, their party-detecting senses start tingling. They find out that there's going to be a big party to celebrate their first album! Except they're not invited!
Booooo! 👎👎👎👎
Gustavo doesn't want the dogs messing up his fancy shindig, but Kendall declares that they are STAYING. Gustavo, however, has cleverly planned for this exact scenario. He tells them they can stay, but they can't go into his Super Party Fun Box.
The boys immediately enter the Fun Box.
Cannot contain my amusement at this whole scenario. The fact that Gustavo had this at the ready. The muffled music playing from the inside of the box. The fact that the group's singular shared brain cell evidently did not go to any of them that morning.
Brilliant show, I tell you. I think it may even be funnier now than it was when I was younger.
Later on, Mrs. Knight tells the boys that she and Katie are taking a day trip to San Diego. Kendall thinks it's the perfect opportunity for them to throw a party and, being the responsible young man that he is, goes to ask his mother if it's okay. Mrs. Knight reminds them that it's against Palm Woods rules to throw parties, and they're one strike away from being kicked out.
As soon as Mama Knight and Katie walk out the door, the guys immediately commence scheming to throw a "social gathering." They agree to keep it small (three people each), and Kendall doles out the responsibilities to his buds. This scene then happens, and listen. LISTEN. I totally forgot about it, but as soon as Kendall started delivering the line, it all came back to me. This was by far one of my favorite lines of the entire show, and I cannot properly convey how much it made me laugh when I used to catch the episode on TV. It is hysterical. The absurd humor in this show is top of the line.
No, you don't understand. This is like. The funniest gag on the planet to me. Kendall has an actual (unidentifiable) thing that he gives to Jo. She's so polite and appreciative about it even though she clearly has NO CLUE what it is. It's just—it's just a thing. He just gives it to her and does that goofy smile and point thing and moves onto chit-chat about the party. No additional context.
WHY did he give that to her?? What is the wacky in-universe explanation? He's so pleased with himself! Jo doesn't know what it is!!! I've spent the last ten minutes laughing over this scene. If anyone ever wants to know what my sense of humor consists of, I'll show them this one specific exchange.
Okay, I must summon my strength to pull myself together.
Kendall invites Jo to the not-party and asks if she'd like to be his "guest, friend, person thing." He is so normal.
Meanwhile, James and Carlos are also being normal about their party-planning responsibilities.
As the party gets into full swing, Camille wastes no time in coming on very strong to Logan, who is so overwhelmed by the attention that he literally crawls away from her and goes running to Kendall for help.
Kendall suggests that Logan simply be truthful and tell Camille he's not interested. Jo suggests Logan relax a bit and give things a chance with Camille. In a bizarre shift from the norm, Logan takes Jo's advice and tells Kendall he's wrong. *gasp*
We briefly go to Rocque Records then, where Gustavo is busy throwing the lamest party of the century. He tells Kelly they've got to liven it up.
Back in 2J, Kendall casually asks Jo if she likes hockey. She replies that she hates it, and Kendall proceeds to choke on his drink and go into a violent coughing fit. Jo doesn't like hockey?? Earth-shattering news.
Meanwhile, Logan is dealing with his own crisis when Mercedes Griffin suddenly walks in. As you may remember from the previous episode, she wanted Logan as her new boyfriend but never got the chance to date him because Kendall gave her a real stern talking to. Well, she wants to now pick up where they left off. And just like that, Logan is thrown into the classic sitcom "I've got two dates for the party!" plotline.
Moments later, the apartment is overrun by a huge crowd of people on account of Carlos is a bonehead who misread "all contacts" as a name.
Yes, it is, boys. Yes, it is. Also, I have to wonder how this even managed to happen in the first place. Aside from the fact that I don't even think it's possible to send a message to every contact at once (I looked it up, and it said you'd have to use third-party apps, and like. This is 2010, and Carlos has a flip phone.) But even if he managed to do it, I'm sure he's got family in his contacts! His parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings?? They would have gotten messages inviting them to this. Did none of them try to reach him and ask why he sent a mysterious party social-gathering invitation to them?
Listen, I realize I'm thinking too much into this, but still. A lot of things would have had to have lined up and gone wrong in order for this to happen.
Good job, Carlos.
Knowing Bitters will be on the hunt for their party, Kendall recruits Jo to help intercept him while James and Carlos shut the party down. The Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood decide that moving the party down to the pool area is good enough.
Seeing that his friends are going to be of no help whatsoever, Kendall decides that if Bitters wants to bust a party, they're going to give him a party to bust. After running around the building with a boombox, they manage to lure Bitters into the Super Party Fun Box. Wooo! The threat has been eliminated! Kendall and Jo celebrate with a high-five.
They are so cute.
We go back to the pool then to tie up some remaining loose ends. Camille (who is angry after discovering Logan's double-date situation) says she won't talk to him for a week, but she will dance with him. Mercedes quickly moves on and picks Guitar Dude as her new boyfriend. Gustavo and Kelly have managed to save their boring party by bringing everyone over to the Palm Woods, and Carlos and James sit on their thrones and look upon their party kingdom with satisfaction.
Happy ending for all (except for Bitters, who was likely stuck in that box for the remainder of the night)
Good episode. Love seeing those guys get put into situations and then spend the next 20 minutes desperately trying to scramble their way out. I'm still thinking of the "I kinda got a thing for her" scene, btw. Living rent free in my head.
#big time rush#btr#kendall knight#carlos garcia#james diamond#logan mitchell#btr rewatch#btr season 1
19 notes
·
View notes
Note
4. “Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”
Harry x Uma
Not the exact quote, but the spirit is here. Just some Harry/Uma moments, it’s good for the soul.
Maeve Mim is an OC of @tiredflowercrown which I borrowed (along with the Overgrowth as a whole), beacuse it’s funnier if the Mims keep doing things like this on purpose. Like, Maddy would also write a contract in a dead language, but, not on purpose exactly? She thinks it’s a perfectly normal language to use.
Also, I could have dragged this out longer, but then the semblance of a plot would be lost. Maybe I’ll write a bonus scene or something, who knows.
Uma is sitting at her desk, numbly staring at the page before her. Trade agreement with Overgrowth or something.
Gods forbid the Mims use any combination of languages known to humankind and/or currently in use. Uma is tempted to just burn the whole fucking page just to show them what she thinks of that attitude.
However, the Overgrowth controls the medicine market. Bloody bitches, the lot of them.
And unfortunately, Uma cannot afford to leave her infirmary undersupplied
So she sighs, mentally cursing Maeve Mim and every single one of her cousins/sisters/ whatever they are – spawn of demons, anyway.
She glares at the dictionary that refuses to magically show her the correct translation and rolls her shoulders back. Ow. Blame the never-ending shifts in her mother’s restaurant and the scuttles on the deck, the Serpent Prep when she bothers to attend–
Just about everything, really.
„What’s it, Uma?“ Harry asks from where he’s seated over his own paper, watch assignments for the crew for the week, if she remembers correctly. Though he might have picked up something else, she has no idea how much time she’s wasted trying to translate this stupid treaty.
„Maeve is being a bloody bitch again, that’s what it is,“ she says.
„Oh,“ Harry answers, putting aside the paper and grabbing his hook, leaning forward a bit. „I can kill her for you,“ he offers.
She does her best to give him a stern look, pretty sure she’s failing at that. But can you blame a girl for not being at the top of her game when a boy offers to kill for her?
„We’re not even sure the Mim granddaughters are mortal, Harry,“ she says instead. She very much doubts that. Just as she doubts the existence of Mim daughters for that. Not that she’s too eager to know how the fuck these harpies spawned or what.
„I could find out.“
She laughs at that. He certainly would like to try that, she is sure.
„The Overgrowth controls the medicine and drugs, Harry. Better leave them be. And if Maeve dies, who knows who would step up as a leader?“
„Maddy, probably.“ He has leaned back again, though he’s still playing with his hook absentmindedly.
„You wanna bet on it? With the Overgrowth and the Mims? They could put forth the mangy kid of theirs, just to fuck with us,“ she wishes she was joking entirely.
„Pff,“ Harry snorts, „I’m pretty sure that kid has rabies or something.“
„You thought CJ had rabies for at least half a year, Harry.“
„In my defence, darling,“ he drawls, „She kept biting us every time Ettie as much as suggested she should take a bath.“
Uma laughs at that, because what else could she do?
Harry smiles at her amusement, still playing with the tip of his weapon.
She shrugs, intending for the gesture to stop the conversation; however, the movement sends an uncomfortable wave of pain through her shoulders and she can’t hold back the grimace.
Harry’s smile immediately drops.
„You okay?“ he questions.
„I’m fine,“ she lies easily, even though he’ll see right through it.
And really, he just keeps staring at her with the forget-me-not eyes of his, and she can see the near-apocalyptic scenarios forming behind them.
So she gives in, almost as easily as she lied moments earlier, and she sighs: „I’m okay,“ she states again, „My shoulders hurt a bit, but I’m not injured. And,“ she adds with a glare at the dictionary, „Maeve insists on giving me a tension headache.“
If she can blame anything on the Mim bitch, she will gladly do so.
„You sure I can’t kill her?“ Harry sighs overdramatically and, no, she is not having this conversation again. She glares at him.
„Fine, then,“ he resigns, „Let me help you with the translation.“
She could, yes. But she would just end up going over it herself anyway, to make sure it’s all correct; she makes a face at the thought, curling her lip in displeasure. He must see it, too.
„You’re too much of a perfectionist, Uma,“ he informs her, as if she cared, „Just let me help you.“
„You helped already,“ she states instead, „Got me the book, didn’t you?“
He did, from Facilier’s Arachneum, the only semi-functional library on the Isle. She’s pretty sure bribes to the Faciliers were included – or maybe bribes to CJ, to keep the Faciliers occupied.
„But–“
„No but.“
He deflates from his argument, letting the Hook fall into his lap, and falls silent.
Uma peruses the pause to very usefully glare at the dictionary and rolls her shoulders back again.
The silence doesn’t even last long enough for her to actually pick up the work again.
„I could give you a massage,“ Harry says out of nowhere.
„What?“
„I could give you a massage, Uma,“ he repeats and gestures to her with the hook, „To help you with your shoulders, at least. You could even still work on the treaty, if you want to,“ he adds after a bit of a pause.
Uma thinks about it a bit: A massage sounds nice, actually.
„Yeah,“ she agrees, „Go for it.“
He stands up.
„Alright. Take off your jacket, then Captain.“
She leans forward, shrugging off the leather.
„Would be best if you took off your shirt, too,“ he adds with a small smirk.
She protests at that: „Hey now, Hook! You’re just trying to get me naked!“
He shrugs, smirking even more.
„Depends. Is it working, Captain?“
Instead of an answer, she throws the jacket at his face. He catches it, unbothered, and throws it carelessly on the bed.
„I’m so not stripping for you, Hook,“ she grumbles.
„Yet.“
And, you see, she really regrets having nothing else that she could conveniently throw at him without much damage or too much work lost.
She settles for attempting to glare holes right through his brain.
He stares back for a heartbeat before surrendering and averting his eyes.
„Sorry, Captain,“ he apologises quite easily, looking at her again, „May I?“ he gestures around, asking for a permission to continue.
„Yes,“ she huffs, though she’s only pretending the annoyance already, „Get on with it. And give me your hook.“
He moves behind her, already holding out the loop of the hook for her to take when he asks, why does she want it?
„I want something to hold,“ she answers, „And if I hold these fucking papers, I’ll tear them apart.“
„So you just want my hook to play with it.“ he turns the weapon around, the metal glinting over her skin.
„Yeah. I like it. Give it to me.“
„You like it,“ he repeats with a hint of disbelief.
„It’s nice,“ she shrugs, „Calming.“
He withdraws the weapon away, raising it to her eye level.
„This,“ he says, twirling it just so that it would catch the light, „Is a lethal weapon. You know that, darling, right?“
She does know that.
However, she said what she said, and she’s not taking it back.
She stares at him with her best rendition of innocent doe eyes.
Predictably, it doesn’t take long for him to give in: He sighs for the show and smiles so bright it almost makes Uma smile too.
„You’re one of a kind, Uma–“ he says and she can almost hear the sentence echoing around, cut short before he can finish it. She doesn’t linger on that too long, as he lifts the hook to carefully caress her cheek with its curve. Now she smiles.
She shots up her hand to meet the weapon and her rings cling on the metal.
Once she holds the weapon securely, he lets go of it:
„Here you go, my dear.“
And then his hands are on her shoulders.
23 notes
·
View notes
Note
do you have ideas of things you'd like to see in buddie fics? I love your writing sm and I'd love to see your take on buddie
YES. I have had a LOT of thoughts about fucked up boys sorting themselves out, and also one where Eddie cries a lot about figuring out he's not straight, but I ALSO had this one fic idea that kept me company in the middle of night for a LONG TIME, which was basically WHAT IF BUCK AND EDDIE GOT JEALOUS MARRIED
Like, they go to Vegas for... something. Chim's birthday. IT DOES NOT MATTER. They're in Vegas. People are joking about other people coming to Vegas and getting drunk and getting married, idk, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Buck and Eddie react entirely appropriately to this joking suggestion, and think... huh. What if we got married? That would fix everything!
It is important to note that there is nothing to fix
They are just two best friends occasionally and with some legal back up co-parenting a child, what needs fixing about THAT
So! They slip away. Why are they doing that? Who knows. And then they're like, "So, getting married, huh? What a joke."
They are not joking, and there is nothing to fix, but they are both thinking, in their special screwed up kind of a way, if they are married to EACH OTHER then it is IMPOSSIBLE* that the other person could marry SOMEONE ELSE and it is very important that even though there is NOTHING to acknowledge about how jealously they guard each other, that there be ZERO permanence about anyone else in their lives
*it is absolutely possible, they are just stupid
(for each other)
Buck and Eddie get married in Las Vegas because what is MORE NORMAL than two best friends who are not queer for each other getting married on a drunken weekend in Vegas while almost entirely sober
They hug after getting married because W O W what a relief, now everything is fixed!!!! Amazing how much of a relief it is to know that everything is fixed now, everyone is going to be better off!!!
They don't tell a single person
They go back to their lives secure in the knowledge that everything is fixed now and continue to do everything EXACTLY THE SAME as they did before they went to Vegas and got secret jealous married
Except maybe IDK Eddie updates his will or something
And then says to Buck that he should do the same but HEN OVERHEARS
and later on has to say, what the fuck, Buck (even funnier because it rhymes) and Buck has to be, like, "Yeah so Eddie and I are MARRIED now, isn't it great, it fixes EVERYTHING!!!"
Hen: "..."
And then Hen has to go out of her mind for the next eight months because literally NOBODY knows that Buck and Eddie are very happily married whilst living entirely single* lives and never actually kissing or living together
*they are very clearly not single because they are, at this point, a) married and b) not in the least bit interested in anything with anyone else
Also they have a KID to bring up which they are doing TOGETHER and have only sort of realised this
So they go BACK to Vegas a year after getting married, who knows what for, it very clearly DOES NOT MATTER, and Buck says something erudite and well adjusted about how it must be nice to get the right number of hugs every day
He has read that article about the number of hugs required for emotional wellbeing
He has shared that article about the number of hugs required for emotional wellbeing
Eddie, who is very well adjusted, says, "huh, maybe we can be that for each other?"
Hen at this point is melting into the concrete, willing herself to become at one with the universe rather than put up with the secret that she cannot tell anyone, which is that Buck and Eddie are so stupid they need STUDYING, in a LAB
Buck and Eddie begin The Year of The Hugs which is Hen's least favourite year because it turns out Buck and Eddie are both TOUCH STARVED and also still OBLIVIOUS about how in love they are
Buck and Eddie like to go to each other's places just to hug, which is Normal
God, they're so normal
Getting married really HAS fixed everything, they're so good at this
Meanwhile no one else has noticed anything because this is mostly going on at home and no one else really thinks too deeply about anything, which Hen maintains was her first mistake. She has given up thinking. It's safer.
Buck and Eddie start having hugging sleepovers rather than Buck sleeping on the sofa when he stays over
Christopher, who, despite having Eddie for a father, has some critical thinking skills (this is unfair to Eddie, who is very good at critical thinking when it comes to work, but who has the emotional capability of a boiled egg when it comes to understanding who he is and what he wants and what he is feeling)
Christopher gives up trying to explain that Buck is his dad's best friend and just calls him his other dad when he has to tell his friends' parents who's picking him up and dropping off at things
Everyone deals with this like it's entirely normal, which it is, because they've never had to deal with the flat expression of two men dealing with having a functioning family relationship for the first time in their lives by not realising they have one
Christopher assumes that his dads are dating but not telling him, so he makes them a card that says CONGRATULATIONS and then they all have to have a conversation where each sentence is stupider than the last one where Buck and Eddie explain that they LOVE each other and they SLEEP together but only because they like to HUG and that is NORMAL
Christopher considers giving his parents up for adoption
Particularly when they explain that they are MARRIED but that is just because it FIXED EVERYTHING
still nothing to fix
Christopher suggests, quite gently, that maybe his dads should just try BEING MARRIED because they ARE MARRIED and nobody is talking about DIVORCE, right?
Buck literally cries at the mention of divorce, Eddie looks like he's swallowed a boiled egg whole
Christopher googles my dads need therapy
Buck and Eddie add holding hands to their repertoire of married tricks
Hen considers emigrating to the moon
Buck and Eddie have been married eighteen months and have yet to kiss or admit that they want to
they want to
this is the end of part one because I am tired
#fic i wish i was writing#911#buddie#buck and eddie fix everything by getting married#(they fix nothing because nothing needing fixing)#except them
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
G Gundam meta/notes part two, episodes 17-20:
"Challenge! Mysterious Masked Fighter" / "Steal the Secret! Scheme of the Beautiful Warriors" / "Fierce Battle! Dragon Gundam vs. Bolt Gundam" / "George, Beat the Nightmare!" (the notes sort of jump around/run together here)
-there's nothing like Domon's relationship to Master to really highlight that he's naive and wants to believe the best of people at heart. Or at least that he's lost everyone else in his life and cannot handle the thought of this being another thing that's wrong. Either way he needs a damn hug.
-also Domon calls Guyana his "homeland". That has some REALLY interesting implications.
-so there seems to be a real setup here of Chibodee and George crushing on Rain - they were both chivalrous enough to her before, but the thank-yous are something else! Chibs drops his voice like he's trying to sound sexy, and George, oh man! "Show your gratitude" like he needs coached? The single red rose? And leaving it there for her forlornly? Either he's stunningly bad with women and Raymond pushed him to thank her so he did it in the overblown way he's learned from example, or he's got it bad. (Or a combination.) Either way, these feel like a spin on the classic 'you were nice to me'/hero crush.
-Nastasha is so fucking interesting!! She's so professional and logical, but her relationship with authority (both her own and that above her) chafes in such a neat way that you just know there's some good conflict ahead
-I fell some kind of way about the undertones, esp in Chib and George's eps, that, like,,, trauma is weakness/cowardice? And it's especially interesting with who it's coming from, and who it isn't. Schwartz seems to be the main mouthpiece for this, and I guess he's using denigration as a motivating tactic, but idk. Meanwhile Domon seems more compassionate (the soft "this is George's fight now" feels more I've-been-there than anything, and contrasts with the narrative "having traumatic flashbacks is the same thing as choosing to be a cowardly piece of shit actually" in a way I can't quite articulate).
-drunk Chibodee is funnier when you realize that timeline-wise he may have just turned 21, and sad when you realize he was probably trying to drink the flashbacks away
-"his destined rival" will never get old
-Schwarz hooking them up specifically is hilarious, and his affectionate referrals to their youth ("the cubs sharpen their claws" and all that)
-Domon enjoying the fight so much that he doesn't notice the SOS - is that the gay or the autism?
-Sai is a little shithead and I love it. I know it's played for laughs and is actually pretty disturbing when you think about it, but this could also tell us some neat stuff about how he was raised (presumably away from women) and what happens is exactly what the fuck you expect to happen when you loose a hormonal teenage boy on women for the first time.
-Seriously, Nastasha arguing with the higher-ups!! Good, good stuff ahead
-I want Raymond Bishop to be my grandpa
-"more coffee"
-We appear to be ambiguous on whether George has living family. Presumably if they were around we'd know, but they're not explicitly dead either. The bond with Raymond seems to suggest he raised George more than his parents did; very interesting canon fodder
1 note
·
View note
Text
Yakuza (PS2) Review: The Dragon's First Roar
oh hey look this one isn't a repost from my backloggd this time
original plan for this one was actually gonna be a video for a ranking of the whole series (to get some editing practice in) before i decided to scrap the idea so i thought "hey might as well repurpose it into a review review". so here we are!! yippee!!
This review contains major spoilers (and obviously also for Yakuza Kiwami, its remake)
Reviewed on September 23, 2023
Completed on PC (via emulator)
Rating: 7/10 (3.5 Stars)
(additionally, for reference, feel free to check out the patented Pee-Man's Jank Ass Play Order Graphic)
The spark that started a fire. I have a lot of respect for this game, even if it is sitting here at the bottom of the list. And I just want to say: I truly believe I haven’t played a single bad RGG game. And something tells me that’s gonna stay the same as I play the rest of them. I’m sure you’ve heard about it by now. This was Nagoshi’s passion project. He put his whole career on the line for this game, and, well, the series is still around today, isn’t it? Before I can even begin talking about it though, I have to get something very important out of the way. I played the English dub. Willingly, actually. I decided to play through the VERY infamous dub where the fandom’s one (1) joke would come from willingly. Now, was this a mistake? Yeah, probably. Should I have played the restoration patch? Yeah, probably. Would I recommend the dub to someone who would want to experience Yakuza 1? Probably not, no. But do I regret this decision overall? Oh, absolutely not.
I’m sorry, the dub is just so, so good. Not in an actually well-made way, of course, but it’s still so good. This is textbook “so bad it’s good”. It added so much more memorability to this game, and I’m not even kidding. Kiryu shouts "FUCK YOU" very loudly at whatever poor soul he’s beating down whenever he uses a heat action. I don’t know how something can be so stupid, funny, and somehow still badass at the same time. Most of the casting wasn’t even that bad, honestly. It’s just the fact that the direction is awful. I cannot believe that “YOU WERE… MY REAL FATHER!” made it through. Still though: Kiryu was actually pretty decent for most of his runtime, Nishiki was surprisingly rather consistently good and even great in some cutscenes ("SHE WAS YUMI'S SISTER! WHO TOLD YOU TO KILL HER?!"), Goofy shows up as Date which is awesome, and Mark Hamil Majima. No, seriously, I’m still surprised they managed to bag him. It’s even funnier that he has absolutely no recollection of his character, too.
There are moments in Yakuza 1 that I would not AT ALL remember if not for the dub. “I suggest you blow me” guy has the best vocal delivery I’ve ever heard in my life. The character where Kiryu beats up a bunch of color-themed gangs would not at all mean anything to me if it weren’t for “KILL THIS …………………………………. DUMB MOTHERFUCKER”. And my biggest example: Hayashi. One of the most famous lines from this mess of a dub, “Go! Kill this arrogant moth-er-fack-ar!”, naturally came from this clown. And because of that, I’d completely unironically have this guy on in my mind, which then made his appearance and subsequent unnaturally really good boss fight in Y2 much more meaningful to me.
So TL;DR for the dub: it’s awful and that’s why it’s awesome. I would absolutely recommend playing the patch if you’re interested in picking this game up, but at the same time, I’m just saying, y’know, playing through the dub WOULD be pretty funny, man.
Onto the actual game, and I’m just not the biggest fan of Yakuza 1’s combat. To give it credit, it was actually a lot better than I was expecting from the first ever entry of the franchise, but it’s still not the best for me. Kiryu feels pretty stiff at times, and you’re often fighting the camera more than the enemies. There is one thing the combat in this game just nails, though, and that’s IMPACT. The sound design here (and by extension the direct sequel) is just immaculate. You can really FEEL that damage. The heat actions all feel rough, brutal, and HEAVY, in a way that just hasn’t really been replicated since. Which is funny to think about, because they’re STILL reusing the heat actions from the PS2 games.
I got a rush whenever Kiryu started the low health heat action and mercilessly pummeled through his opponent. I’d wince just a little whenever he’d smash a goon’s head against the wall. Your punches, your kicks, your tiger drops, they all have that “oomph” to them. Every hit just feels so naturally MEATY. I really appreciate that aspect, even if I found the combat itself to be mediocre.
Now onto the story… Yeah, admittedly not a fan either. Again, dub, but even disregarding that, the plot’s pretty whatever. Cause take a look at something like Y4, right? Yeah, the story just took the biggest nosedive when the second half started, but everything in it was still unapologetically cool in that video-gamey kind of way that made you overlook some of that. And while Yakuza 1 undoubtedly does have some really sick scenes and setpieces, I just… don’t care about Yakuza 1���s plot. Nishiki and Kiryu’s relationship is like the one anchor that actually got me going, and even then you could argue pretty easily that even that was a little paper thin in some aspects. In retrospect, 0 just does so much heavy lifting for the fish boy, and I’m sure Kiwami adds even more to that. Still though, I do like the dynamic the two had in this game. Nishiki’s a pretty damn respectable villain. Maybe a little two-dimensional, but still solid. The confrontation with him in Serena is one of my favorite scenes in the game because of it. Sure, Nishiki in this game can kind of feel like “i used to be your buddy but suddenly i'm super evil and messed up now grahhhh” in some aspects, but you can still feel that bond he and Kiryu have, and the heartbreak that comes with seeing just how much those 10 years had drifted the two apart. The other aspects of Y1’s story were just kinda… alright, I guess. Jingu is an asspull and a half, and him being Haruka’s dad is honestly something I just forget most of the time. Shimano and the Triad are decent secondary threats, and now that I look back on it, their two long battles were really fun and memorable. And just about everything in between, I just didn’t really care for. The deaths were well-handled and mostly hit pretty hard, though. Reina and Shinji both kicking it back to back was effective, and made that rooftop showdown with Arase such a special encounter, added with the amazing Turning Point. Oh, and Kazama, I guess. He's there too, I suppose.
One thing I appreciate a lot though is how justifiably broken Kiryu is at the end of the game. In the span of like, a week, his entire world was flipped on its head, he lost his sworn brother, his father figure, love interest, and two close friends. The tough guy facade is long gone by then. By the end of it all, he’s obviously just broken. Practically suicidal, actually. And the only thing that manages to get him back on his feet is Haruka. It just makes Amazing Grace playing during the credits hit so much more. Overall, while there certainly are some strong points, I just found Yakuza 1’s story pretty weak. Again, dub, but still.
But if there’s one thing Yakuza 1 just nails perfectly, it's the atmosphere. The PS2 games have this really unique feel that hasn’t been replicated in the franchise since. It’s definitely the grimest and seediest Kamurocho’s ever felt. I know it’s a hardware limitation and all, and free-roam is strictly better, but the restrictiveness of the map adds so much. It’s almost claustrophobic, and makes those moments of panic where you need to rush to somewhere for the story really tense.
It even reflects in the substories. Yakuza 1’s substory selection, on average, isn’t really strong. It’s filled with a lot of empty space substories and certain scam ones just kinda mesh into each other, but the ones that work, work REALLY well. 1-4 all have full-blown cutscenes for certain substories, and that does a lot for the feel and the memorability for each one. There are some great standout substories like The Truth About the Fake Yumi, The Yakuza’s Wife, and Man on a Ledge, which introduced us to Akimoto and Mizuki, and uh… alright I might wanna take that last one back…
Still though, even with the whole annoyance of missable substories, (which for the record i am so so glad they got rid of) Yakuza 1 has some well-crafted substories worth lending an ear to, even if there’s not really any goofy haha silly ones.
One experience I’d like to share is this substory where you have to find medicine for a guy on the streets. Naturally I just found him while playing through the story, so I just talked to him, said sure, I’d help, and I just continued whatever I was doing in the main story. I come back a few chapters later, only to find out someone completely different talking about how a guy who needed help died there. That’s how I found out you had failable, missable substories: I failed to help this guy, and the city sure didn’t care, and he just died unfairly because of that, on the cold, unfeeling streets of Kamurocho. That told me so much about both the tone of the game and of the city.
Lastly: the OST. It’s a good ass soundtrack. Of course it is, it’s a Yakuza game. The first two games have a uniquely rough, edged feel to their soundtracks. It’s got an almost grunge-like rock to it, and I’m a fan of the tracks that came out of that. Some I’d just like to highlight are:
son of a gun
Scarlet Scar
Pray Me
My personal favorite from the game, Turning Point
And of course, the iconic Receive You
Even if I do have some gripes with it, Yakuza 1 is still a pretty solid game. There’s a reason this series is still around today. I’d recommend a play for anyone interested; it’s a very unique experience and it’s cool seeing how much the series has grown, while at the same time seeing just how much they already had figured out on that first step. Just, play the patch. But also watch the dub. It’s very funny.
Ten... Ten years in... I can't do this anymore, man. I can't. I- I'm done. I'm done, man.
1 note
·
View note
Text
time lapse ⤖ seo changbin
❖ genre : idiots to lovers! au; long-distance relationship! au; fluff; a teeny tiny bit of angst
❖ word count : 14,9k.
❖ warning : explicit language, suggestive remarks & mentions of alcohol
❖ summary : you used to see Changbin as a friend until you realized that you both don’t look at each other the way best friends are supposed to.
one.
Apparently, people like you and Changbin don’t look forward to spring breaks, ever, because you simply cannot see the point in getting pumped for the very few days of sleeping in only to dread every last moment of it. Hence, he keeps FaceTiming you every day and night with such ridiculous reasons it actually boosts your ego into thinking that he misses you.
Oh, boy were you wrong.
But this time around, he seems so flustered and burnt up all of a sudden it makes a smirk creep its way up to your lips. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, you’re more than satisfied like a sadistic predator. You can really use some tea right now, it’s been a little boring without any dramas other than Hyunjin being dramatic over how his hair does not look good in any way, shape or form. That alone is enough for you to throw him off a cliff because since when does Hwang Hyunjin not look good?
Changbin asks. “Have you eaten?”
“Yes, I have. You’ve been asking the same question for five minutes straight.” You roll your eyes at him in the bitchiest way possible.
He questions subconsciously, only to have you narrow your eyes at him. “You have work tomorrow, right?”
“Bin, you have my schedule. Of course, I have work tomorrow.” You utter in disbelief.
“Can’t I just make up excuses to call my favorite girl?”
You make a gagging noise. “Cut the bullshit. Spill or I’m gonna whip out the big gun.”
“And what is that?” He drawls the question in boredom.
You grin at him coyly. “I’m gonna tell Chan to poison you with cilantro.” If Changbin had to choose between eating cilantro and jumping into a tank full of sharks, he’d definitely, without a second thought, sleep with those horrifying fishes with ridiculously deadly teeth. He hates cilantro with an ignited passion, and he’s entitled to that decision for the rest of his life. He’s sworn that he would never eat cilantro as long as he lives.
“Fine,” Changbin huffs in defeat as he holds his phone up while lying on his bed. “I need your help.”
You twirl the end of your hair dreamily and acknowledge his request. “I like the sound of that, go on.”
He shoots you a dirty look, proceeding to continue. “How do I get a girl to notice my feelings for her?”
His words strike through your eardrums like a lightning bolt. You don’t know whether you should be crying or laughing because 1) Changbin was never the kind of guy to be interested in having a girlfriend, he has always kept his hands to himself since forever although girls were more than ready to throw themselves at him anytime, anywhere; 2) How come he has never talked to you about this? You feel utterly betrayed because the key to having a long-distance relationship is to not hide anything from each other. And he’s doing the exact opposite of that; 3) You don’t feel as happy for him as you’re supposed to and now you feel like a horrible friend.
“Oh-my-god.” You gasp scandalously. “I’ve been waiting for this day to come my entire life! And it’s happening right in front of my eyes! It’s actually happening! Wait… did you already pop your cherries or…” When Changbin looks like he’s about to put your head on a stick, you quickly realize that you should have just focused on the topic.
He fakes a smile. “And what day is that?”
“The day that my best friend asks for relationship advice from me! To finally embrace the most amazing thing to happen in life, called ‘love’! Duh.” You prop your head onto your hand, blowing a few strands of hair out of your face. “So, who is she?”
“I don’t know if you can really help me Y/N but she’s like 5,000 miles away from me right now—“
“What did you just say?” You cut him off unintentionally. “Is she an exchange student?”
“Yeah? You can say so..” He trails off and scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “We met on Tinder and got to see each other later at a uni conference, and she’s really—“
You cut him off again, this time, it’s intentional. “Run, just run away.”
“Why?” He looks at you weirdly. “You’re not making any sense right now.”
You chuckle creepily, making him shudder. He’s never seen you laughing in such a dark tone it makes him wonder if you’ve been possessed or not. “Running away is actually a smart move, my friend. Just get yourself out of the war before there’s blood on those precious fingers of yours. Exchange students get all the attention. Guys or girls, doesn’t matter. Students are gonna be attracted to them like a bunch of moths to a tiny spark of flame.”
“But, but—“
You stop him before he can even say something stupid. “No but. And a long-distance relationship too? Not ideal. You can’t just slide into her DMs and ask her to be with you when you’ve only met twice. Unless her feelings aren’t necessarily not mutual. But yeah, I doubt that.”
“Whatever, I might as well just gonna fly home and watch some shitty movies with you instead.” Changbin purses his lips in boredom and runs a hand through his hair. “Do you wanna watch that zombie movie still? Zombieland right?”
You nod eagerly because gosh, after months and months, he still remembers. It’s one of those little moments which perfectly showcases how much Changbin cares about you. Because unlike some people, he actually pays attention to what you’re saying. And you would be lying if you said that those little actions of his never made your heart tingle. They do, and it sucks.
“Damn right, I’m pumped for the sequel, never really got the chance to watch it since college has been nothing but a bitch to me.”
“You’re so fucking spoiled, Beastie.” He snickers, biting back a smile. But deep down, you can clearly see right through his facade and feel the slight disappointment in his brown eyes. Exchange student or not, if it’s what makes him happy, then you fully support his decision. And if that girl ever tries to pull a dirty move on him? You’ll hunt her down and sell her off to some random mafia organization.
You laugh wholeheartedly, trying to lighten up the mood. “Listen, if you kept scrolling through Tinder, having a girlfriend wouldn’t be a problem. Because I’m pretty sure there’s not gonna be a single person who’d not swipe right.”
Changbin cocks a brow. “Why not?”
“Because you’re hot as shit!”
He groans loudly at your bold statement, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. “Shut up, mom.”
You smile cheekily at him. “Love you too, honey boo.”
two.
As much as you clown Changbin for using Tinder since the day he asked you for dating advice, you can’t help but think that you’re a little bit lonely without his company. Funny enough, you also found yourself scrolling through the infamous app for hours and hours until there’s a match.
The only thing that’s funnier than Changbin asking dating advice from a total fetus than you is you talking big games to him when you haven’t even got laid, not even once. So obviously, you’re so close to pissing your pants as you dread the drive to your date, tremendously.
“Since when did you even start using dating apps?” Yeji scrunches her nose in disapproval as she starts the engine. You both just finished watching ‘Dolittle’ since Robert Downey Jr. is an icon and you’re not planning on missing out on any of his movies. But that’s not the point because the point is, your roommate knows your impulsive ass too well. Meaning, she’s not letting your day end without giving you something to feel better about it. More straight forward-ly, she’s trying to lighten up your mood before your date can piss you off.
You singsong, trying to wiggle yourself out of the situation. “Since Seo Changbin asked me about a girl.” You know Yeji just as well as how she knows you, so you’re taking advantage of her carelessness to bring up a whole new topic before she can lure you into ‘the talk’.
Yeah, ‘the talk’, sounds scary enough if you’re thinking about that one awkward, intimate conversation with parents about how babies are made. You think it’s utterly useless since society is basically corrupted and kids these days are all over the place, watching porns left and right with their parents’ IDs. So having ‘the talk’ with Yeji is definitely not gonna be full of questionable statements in replacement for making love.
As far as you know, she only forces someone into ‘the talk’ with her when they suddenly have some kind of romantic interest in another human being. Upon hearing that, she’s gonna be out and about, playing the role of God and telling people all of the do-s and don’t-s along with a detailed description of how she’s gonna drag that person to the very bottom of hell if they end up breaking their heart. You’re sure as hell that you’re not ready to talk about it with her. In other words, you’re not ready for her to torment you about some boy that you haven’t even met.
“Seo Changbin, dating someone?” Yeji fakes a gasp. “Wow, tell me all about it.”
You roll your eyes at her. “So you knew?”
You don’t know why you’re even surprised anymore since Changbin tells Hyunjin everything who’d spill everything to Ryujin for their midnight gossip session who’d complain about it to Yeji later on. The cycle is fully completed before you even know it and that does not make you feel any less of a dumbass.
“Duh,” She purses her lips before making a turn at the second intersection. “Listen, just enjoy your date, I’m not gonna tease you about it until you tell me how much of an asshole that guy is.”
You sigh in relief, drowning into your seat like a jellyfish. “Thank God.”
“But,” Your roommate drawls the word for a painfully long time. “Can we just talk about how it’s such a shame? You and Changbin would make an extremely adorable couple, right? I kid you not.”
You choke on your own saliva, coughing furiously as your hand desperately tries to roll down the window for some fresh air, mainly for the heat that’s slowly creeping up on the apples of your cheeks. “Who would ship me and my best friend together? That sounds like every drama to ever exist. Ew.” Hissing at her like a snake, you repeatedly fan your face with the hope to rid off the annoying coral tint.
Yeji narrows her eyes at you and quickly diverts her attention back on the road because no one is getting pulled over on a gorgeous Saturday night, at least not her. She still has to finish the last episodes of the drama she’s been fangirling over. “So you’re telling me that you’re not jealous when Changbin told you about other girls? You’re totally, absolutely, entirely okay with him hanging out with some random chick in Italy?”
It makes your blood boil even more when she mentions the fact that yes, Changbin is having fun with someone who’s probably ten thousand times hotter than you in Europe, but you’re more pissed off at the fact that she’s always right. Of course, you’re fucking jealous, why wouldn’t you? You can’t even fathom the sheer fury that’s running through your veins. Your heart is pumping pure exasperation into your brain. Even your liver can’t filter such anger. You hate the idea of Changbin wrapping his arms around someone other than you so much you’d rather choke yourself to death than even glance at such sight.
But, for the sake of a completely normal conversation, your mouth says otherwise. “Why not? He’s not my property, I don’t get to decide who he falls in love with. Moreover, he deserves someone he truly adores. That’s not my business for all I know.”
“Liar,” Yeji smirks. “Enjoy your date all you want, Y/N. Try not to think about Changbin too much or your date’s gonna flip.”
Again, you can’t stress enough how annoying Hwang Yeji is because somehow, in which you still don’t know how, she can read your mind in a snap of a finger. So it’s no surprise for her to know that you’ve actually thought about dating your own best friend before. It sounds so cliché you might bury yourself alive if you accidentally slip one day and confess your stupid feelings for him. As if on cue, your sixth sense is currently tingling, trying to tell you that you will definitely make a fool of yourself as you try to elaborate on how you feel about Changbin.
“What did I do to deserve you?” You sneer sarcastically at her as she parks her white Rover right in front of the restaurant.
The moment you step out of her car, Yeji tosses you a look. “Don’t you dare trip on me Lee freaking Y/N, don’t even try it.”
“I’ll have Minho pick me up, now skittle outta here.” You grimace before shutting the door close. Turning on your heels, you inhale sharply and push the glass door open to enter what seems like literal hell on Earth for the next four hours or so.
three.
Being on an actual date reminds you of why you never even use dating apps in the first place.
The only part that prevents you from running away is that Yeji has his dating profile. She knows his number, his occupation, his face, and all that jazz because meeting strangers for the very first time and already eating out with them gives you every right to be paranoid. But you’re not gonna tell him that because you still respect him just fine. And in case he’s acting all sketch, you’re gonna make sure that he’s not going home in one piece.
Okay, you can’t just blame Jaemin because he’s not an asshole. He really isn’t. He’s a nice guy in general: respectful, confident, and outgoing with a good sense of humor. Respectful? Checked. Confident? Checked. Good sense of humor? Checked. Outgoing? That’s the dealbreaker right there. You don’t hate him for it, it’s just he’s too outgoing for an introverted potato like you.
Both Jaemin and Changbin have very strong personalities like every Leo should. You’re most definitely not an astrology nerd but you’re educated enough to know that Leos are dramatic, warm-hearted, passionate and impulsive.
In which, Changbin makes you laugh your ass off until you can’t even breathe whenever he’s whining about you waking him up at 9 a.m. But you gave Jaemin nothing but a scrunch of your nose when he yelped out loud as his mashed potato was too hot. And you kindly offered to finish it for him after knowing that he can’t have dairy products. Changbin’s managed to get you out of the house every weekend even when it’s a simple trip to the mall and whereas, Jaemin makes you feel more of a voiceless being when he continuously brings up one topic after another at the literal speed of light. You almost miss how you can just throw out the most random sentence without being afraid of someone judging you.
Clearly, Jaemin isn’t the one to blame here.
Admittedly, it’s just a ‘you’ problem.
And even more admittedly, it’s just because Na Jaemin is being himself, and will always be himself. He’s never gonna be, and will never be Seo Changbin.
Seriously, what’s up with Changbin taking over your mind today?
“Do you perhaps wanna watch a movie after dinner— you’re not listening to me, aren’t you?” Jaemin stops mid-sentence when he catches your dreamy expression, for the fifth time that night.
You quickly regain your composure and sigh in defeat. “Fine, you got me. Again.” Burying your face into your palms, you’re practically choking on your own frustration because you don’t wanna lash out on him just because he’s not your type. “Ugh, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve never been on a date with a stranger before. Who’d have thought talking on texts was so much easier?”
Jaemin props his head on his hand and makes eye contact with you. He breaks it after a good five seconds to catch you off guard, slowly processing his current thoughts like a lawyer in court. “Let me guess, you’re in a long-distance relationship with someone but since they’ve been away for quite some time, you got bored. So that leads to you, drum rolls, hopping on Tinder to find a one night stand.” He closes in proudly, a triumphant smirk painted on his slightly chapped lips.
For the first time after hours of dreading Minho to come and pick you up as soon as possible, you can finally let go and have a good laugh. It’s like the pressure of being on a date is gladly lifted off your shoulders and you feel like you’re just catching up with an old friend. Which is weird because Changbin— Would it kill to stop thinking about Changbin for once in your life you dumbhead?
“And how did you know that?” You smile at Jaemin, deciding to focus on him for the rest of the night so that he doesn’t think you’re disrespecting him. A date is still a date. Even when the feelings aren’t mutual, the amount of respect should be.
He slowly takes a sip of his water and chews on his steak after. “Not to be creepy but when you went to use the restroom, a notification showed up and I saw your lock screen. He looks like one of those hot SoundCloud rappers who manages to stay anonymous under their stage name even when they’re mad famous. You know, cool people making dope music without being too problematic like ‘real’ celebrities.” Jaemin says it with such admiration you’re nearly more than ready to rant about how talented of a music prodigy your best friend is. But for the sake of him being your best friend, you’re not gonna do that. Yet.
“We’re not dating, just childhood best friends.”
He wiggles his eyebrows at you with mischief laced in his brown eyes. “You have a thing for him then. Aha! I knew it! All best friends are obligated to be together, it’s an unwritten norm of the universe.” Wow, just when you thought that no one would know about your feelings for Changbin other than your annoying, chaotic friend group.
“In my defense, he was the one who set that photo as my lock screen.” You grunt under your breath but don’t even try to hide it. “I shouldn’t have swiped right.”
“Be grateful that you did.” Jaemin inhales the last bits of his dish with satisfaction, dabbing the sauce on his lips away with a napkin. “Because not only am I paying for the meal, I’d love to meet up again to hear you ramble about the boy on your phone. As friends. Also because you totally saved my lactose intolerant ass back there.” He declares loud and clear, smiling from ear to ear.
You roll your eyes at him in slight annoyance. “Fine, but I’m paying for the movie tickets.”
Jaemin extends his fist. “Frozen 2? I know a place that’s having it tonight.”
“You got it, broski.” You chuckle and bump your fist with his while your heart is yelling at you to get the fuck out of this restaurant because you’re about to suffocate yourself with the amount of painstakingly awkward silence that this place possesses.
Before you even know it, you’re walking out of the Hilton Hotel with an empty bucket of popcorn in your arms as Jaemin hogs two cups of Coke which are left with nothing but ice cubes right beside you. It’s like the whole being too cautious thing that’s been driving you insane has disintegrated into literal dust. Watching a movie with Jaemin feels like you’re babysitting your non-existent little brother while your parents are out of town and Minho is bar-hopping with the guys. Except for the fact that he gave you his hoodie because the cinema’s ACs are ridiculously cold as always. But it’s really nice, actually, because although the date didn’t turn out how you expected it to be, you did make a new friend.
That rarely happens so you’re definitely giving yourself a pat on the shoulder.
“The plot was kinda messy, don’t you think?” You ask him after tossing the bucket into a nearby trash can.
Jaemin nods in acknowledgment and swings an arm around your shoulder. “It was all over the place, I’m with you all the way. And Elsa in that purple dress too? Yikes.”
You laugh with him, continuing the conversation with much less ‘watch what you’re saying’ and more ‘actually enjoy the date for the sake of it’ until you both reach the parking lot. “Drive safe and text me when you’re home, okay?” You remind him like the bossy person that you are as you pull out your phone from your purse.
“You’re not my mom.” Jaemin snickers and his fingers hover above the tips of his keys inside his pocket. “Wait, your brother’s picking you up right?”
[9:35 p.m.]
y/n | hey, pick me up already.
meanhoe | sorry sis, I’m a bit occupied over here.
meanhoe | just call a ride home or smth.
[9:36 p.m.]
y/n | LEE MINHO ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
y/n | do you have the slightest idea about how many serial killers are lurking the streets, waiting for girls like me to fall right into their traps?
meanhoe | paranoid.
[9:37 p.m.]
meanhoe | let me tell you about how Han Jisung is taking a nap on my lap rn.
meanhoe | in graphic details.
[9:38 p.m.]
y/n | or I can just tell you about that time when mom and dad found you right next to a trash can on a sidewalk instead?
y/n | it’s a very lovely story, trust me.
[9:39 p.m.]
meanhoe | ugh, what do you want?
y/n | nothing, Jaemin will drive me home.
y/n | goodnight.
[ 9:40p.m. ]
meanhoe | hey! I can make it up to you still!
y/n | I SAID GOODNIGHT.
You toss your phone back into your purse in pure disappointment. And with a prolonged sigh, you turn to Jaemin. “He abandoned me. Can you give me a ride home?”
He cackles at the scowl on your face and gestures you towards the seat next to the shotgun window. “Hop in.”
four.
“Wow,” Minho utters. “Just wow.”
“It’s you again, why am I still surprised at this point?”
He grins coyly and slips the keys into his pocket before running a hand through his bed head. Chuckling creepily, he watches as Changbin struggles to roll both of his suitcases across the bumpy surface of your front porch. “You left my sister crying with a bucket of ice-cream for Italy. How does that feel? You know, to finally be free from her ?” Minho inquires with an amused smile. “But on a serious note, she missed you, very much so. Did you even tell her about this?
“Minho, it’s supposed to be a surprise. Do I have to translate ‘surprise’ into whatever the fuck of a language that all snakes speak in general or you’re fully capable of doing that yourself? Also, it would be so incredibly kind and generous of you to actually comprehend my messages.”
Minho chuckles and leans back against the wall comfortably. “Why not move back here then? Aren’t you done with your degree already? Or did Italy blind you with their good food and hot girls? You’re quite qualified to be my roommate.” He drags the last part. “Just wish you didn’t have to give me that attitude whenever I’m trying to start a civil conversation.”
Changbin scoffs at him, clearly uninterested. And Minho’s definition of a civil conversation just concerns him even more. “I have enough qualities to be your roommate? Let me guess, smart ?”
“Secretly a nerd.” Minho tuts.
Changbin shoots him a dirty look. “Composed?”
“I’d say indifferent and stubborn.”
“Brave enough to kill some stupid bugs for you?”
Minho rolls his eyes. “More like painstakingly reckless.”
“You literally fell off the couch when Jeongin accidentally popped a balloon with his pen.”
A smirk blooms on his lips. “But you gave him an entire lecture about why he shouldn’t bring pens to a party. Inspiring leadership.”
“Looks good in black?”
Minho looks unimpressed. “Everyone looks good in black you moron.”
“Then why the fuck are you trying to pull me into your system?!” Changbin throws his hands upwards, a frustrated groan escapes his lips. “You know I hate commitments. They give me anxiety. Especially when it involves you.” Which is not entirely correct because he did have a date last week or should have had a date last week. He was so close to pissing himself in the middle of a Michelin rated restaurant. But lucky him, his date flaked out on him before he could start having a full-on mental breakdown inside the restroom.
A glint of curiosity ignites in Minho’s orbs. “Because you absolutely have no life whatsoever.” He starts calmly, going back and forth within the limited space of the hallway. “And don’t even get me started about your love life. It’s drier than Chan’s attempt at making macarons. Oh and remind me, did your goldfish die or did you kill him? Did he die or was he killed? Or was it both?” He taunts further, and further, and further until he’s hanging on that weird borderline between having Changbin lunge at him like a predator and succeeding at luring him back to Seoul. “I’m being as kind as my mind can possibly allow without a drop of caffeine so you better take it while you’re at it.”
Changbin is fuming with nothing but pure anger. He’s so fucking close to crush every single strand of liveliness left inside of the man in front of him until he turns white like a complete ghost. But he’s also convinced that Lee Minho is just a non-biological heir of the Angel of Death. Hence, getting rid of him is impossible. “Come over here and make me.” Crossed arms, he’s determined to not leave the city without at least throwing a punch at Minho’s ridiculously perfect face.
“What are you? Four?”
Changbin stops himself from throwing hands at him and turns on his heels. “Nothing, it’s just that I don’t really like you all that much.” He makes his way to the kitchen, tossing his black beanie onto the counter.
“Yeah, me neither.”
He protests triumphantly. “See?”
“Listen up you man child,” Minho grits and walks behind him through the living room, passing by a hungover Jisung with Woojin on top of him at an unusually persistent pace that seems to cover up the bubbling anger inside his stomach. “Would you stop what you’re doing and listen to me when I’m trying to prove my own point? I’ve known you for all my life—“
Changbin interrupts him. “Those times when you passed by me at the library and made fun of me for studying for finals in high school? Doesn’t count.”
Minho hides behind a rather cheerful voice, his stare colder than an ex-wife’s fighting for custody over her child in court. “That doesn’t matter! Y/N went out with some guy last night and even let him drive her home. I don’t even know if she’s okay or not since she wouldn’t pick up for the past hour. And I just can’t let those two idiots at home alone, completely unaware of their surroundings.” Changbin shoots him a weird look and he quickly brushes it off with a click of his tongue. “Don’t ask.”
Changbin chokes on the can of Coke that he just grabbed from the fridge. “Wait, so she’s not here?”
“She moved in with Yeji months ago in an apartment near college, didn’t she tell you ?”
“No?” He raises a brow. “And what date? Who? How? Where? When?”
Changbin’s starting to panic a little bit because if you were to be on a date, you’d most likely hide in the restroom just to text him for a good five minutes. Very much like him. Anyway, he’s also quite concerned about the fact that you didn’t reply to Minho’s texts all morning. Maybe he’s overthinking again but he knows that you’ve forced yourself to be a morning person even when it’s the holiday since you don’t wanna dread bringing back your old habits when a new semester hits.
Minho drums his fingers against the dining table. “Who? Some boy called Jaemin? How? Tinder. Where? The Hilton Hotel. When? Last night until almost 10 I believe.”
Now Changbin’s fully entered panic mode because since when did you even use Tinder? And not tell him about it too? What if you’re already kidnapped and sold to some creepy people from China to make profits off your organs? “That’s it. Give me her address, I’ll go.” He drops his backpack onto the floor and grabs his coat, downing the last few drops of his beverage in a rush. As soon as Minho texts him your address, Changbin dashes straight through the front door like a tornado to the point that it has Woojin facepalming himself on Minho’s dad’s old carpet.
“My job here is done.” Minho cracks his knuckle and takes a seat at his family’s dining table, picking up his phone only to receive a text from you.
[8:23 a.m.]
y/n | ugh, is your friend gonna come over to pick up the speaker or what? it’s been fifteen minutes.
y/n | and what’s his name again? Jackson?
meanhoe | yeah, he’ll be there in ten.
meanhoe | eat a chill pill sis, I’m in charge.
five.
You frown furiously at the series of messages that you and your brother have been sending each other for the past ten minutes. Something smells fishy, and you can already see that stupid, self-indulging smirk spread across his face without him being right next to you. But then again, no one really knows what’s going on inside that disturbing glimpse of thing called ‘a brain’ inside his head because magically, and spontaneously, everything works out whenever he’s in charge.
Except when he’s in the kitchen with Jisung and Hyunjin as his cannot-be-anymore-useless vice-cooks, aka when they’re holding onto each other for dear life the moment Minho cracks an egg onto a heated pan with oil boiling along the edges.
“Ugh, Yeji! It’s supposed to be your turn to do laundry, you ass.” You repeatedly hit your roommate’s sleeping figure with a pillow, slightly mad at the fact that she’s still in bed when you’re done with grocery shopping. Sometimes you wonder if her only talent is sleeping through earthquakes. Maybe that’s how she has mad stamina and can still do a decent thirty minutes of cardio after dance practice.
Yeji mumbles nonsense into her pillow and slaps your hand away only to bury herself under the wool blanket again. It takes every strand of energy left inside of you to pull the soft fabric over her head and onto the floor it goes. “Why are you making such a fuss out of me forgetting to do laundry ?” She sits up grudgingly like a zombie digging itself up from its own grave and yawns obnoxiously.
You blink numerous times at her in disbelief. “Uhm, hello? Because I don’t have anything to wear? And also, FYI, it’s almost ten, okay? Wake up Sleeping Beauty. Prince Charming isn’t available today.”
“Shut the fuck up!” She whines loudly before dropping onto her backside in defeat. “You’ve never binge-watched any dramas before, you’d never get it.” Hey, it’s not your fault she chose to stay up until 3 a.m. for a stupid drama. You’re not gonna tolerate her complaints about migraines after having lunch, not this time.
“Besides,” She glances at you before throwing an arm over her head dramatically. “You look good in that hoodie, where did you get it?”
You grab various pieces of clothing dangling off of her bed and her beige-colored computer chair as you ponder about your life choices. “Na Jaemin, who else? God, and I need to give it back to him too.”
Yeji teases. “Are you making an excuse to meet him again?”
“We didn’t click, that’s all I have to say.” A smirk finds its way to your lips. “I basically adopted him now, so yes, I am making an excuse to meet him again because a mother has every right to see their son.”
“You’re so weird.” Your roommate purses her lips before turning her back against you.
You scroll through your feed in pure boredom. “What do you want for lunch? Wait, it’s too early for lunch, what about brunch?”
“Anything will do.” Yeji shrugs, not even trying to get out of bed when it’s already 9 a.m. So naturally, you’re already facepalming yourself at her questionable sleeping habits.
Now, where is that guy Jackson?
As if on cue, your doorbell rings. You’re dead meat to me. You roll up your sleeves and put on your ‘formally serious’ face before grabbing the tote bag right beside your couch. Without even checking who’s there through the peephole, you swing the door open in a rush. “Look, Jackson, I’m really not in the mood to invite you inside for tea nor biscuits so just take the speaker and—“
“Y/N, I don’t need a speaker, stop bombarding me with information that my brain can’t even comprehend. And who the hell is Jackson?” Changbin puts his hands up as if you’re holding him at gunpoint. And you almost laugh out loud at how he looks like he just found out Trump is president, he— wait, Changbin’s here?
You subconsciously drop the speaker without noticing that you might break something before Jackson actually gets here. “You came back?!” Your mouth automatically goes agape, utterly speechless.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” He chuckles when you crash yourself into his embrace as an attempt to hide your teary eyes. Meeting Changbin in person again feels like a rollercoaster full of mixed emotions, you have so many things to say but nothing comes out right. Maybe it’s best if you just keep your mouth shut for the time being.
And thank God he still smells the same and doesn’t shower himself in ridiculously expensive cologne like other guys because you’d disown him if he starts smelling like a Tommy Hilfiger store. Changbin gently wraps his arms around your waist, rocking you from side to side. “You missed me that much huh?” Suddenly tongue-tied, he’s officially lost the ability to form a proper sentence when you hold onto him so tightly, so desperately.
When you pull away, you don’t even know what to say when so many things are running through your mind at the speed of light. After all those years, he’s changed. Yes, people change. But Changbin changed, for the better. He looks impeccable even in a simple black t-shirt with a grey bomber jacket thrown over his figure. Wait, has he been hitting the gym? You swear, last time you saw him he was five times smaller. His jawline can now cut you too apparently. Years of friendship and you just found out your best friend is an actual health freak.
“As if..” You sniffle into the crook of his neck, tears continuously streaming down on your cheeks. Eventually, you give in. “Fine, I did miss you.”
Changbin laughs wholeheartedly, sending vibration throughout your entire body. “Missed you too, Beastie.” And it’s there again, that fuzzy feeling tickling the pit of your stomach. It feels wrong, and your heart knows that too well. To the point that you’re afraid of your own feelings for him, that you’d hurt him, or he’d hurt you. You just can’t decide if confessing to him is worth the risk of destroying your friendship forever. But it’s most definitely not. Maybe it’s better this way.
“Wait,” Changbin scrunches his nose and pulls away. “You smell like a guy.” Then something rings a bell inside of him. “Right, you went on a date with some cute boy without telling me? Explain yourself.”
You scratch the nape of your neck sheepishly, slightly embarrassed. “Well… long story short, I got bored and downloaded Tinder. He was cute, but not compatible.”
“There you are, what took you so long?” Yeji pops her head out of her bedroom, almost giving you a heart attack.
You toss her a look. “What do you mean ‘what took you so long? Did you know? Again ?” And she nods apologetically. “Why the fuck do I feel so left out right now? Are you guys setting me up for something sketchy? Who’s in charge?”
“Your brother, obviously.”
You step aside so that Changbin can walk into your living room before shutting the front door closed. “Zip it, he’s adopted.”
six.
Kim Woojin, as always, throws his annual ‘welcome back’ BBQ party whenever someone returns from a long trip for a fairly long time. Of course, he would never leave Changbin hanging.
Which, also means you’re obligated to accept the fact that he just single-handedly dragged you out of your apartment with the most minimal of physical effort. So now you’re stuck inside his stupid kitchen, with your siblings (no not Minho, not that heathen), potatoes. You look so incredibly alike your brother might actually be whatever with the harsh truth that you can’t stop taunting him about how he’s adopted.
Anyway, because you’ve always been terrified about the thought of accidentally having your sleeves caught on fire, Chan just shooed you back inside to work on the potato salad. And the worst part of making a potato salad? Peeling the skin. Seriously, you’d marry someone who invented an automatic potato peeler, that’d be godsend privilege.
The saying goes : ‘When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade’. Likewise, but in your case, it’s : ‘When life makes you cook, get yourself a best friend who’s good at it instead’. Problem solved. Changbin might not be as great as *snorts* Minho, but he did manage to survive multiple months in Italy without spending too much money eating out when he’s very, absolutely, entirely financially capable of doing that for the rest of his life. He appreciates home-cooked food because of the process, the time, the effort, the love that every family member (or one family member) put into the dishes. And it may not be something that’s Gordon Ramsay-approved, but gathering around at the same table gives people the chance to catch up, to communicate, to care more.
And what does that mean? Well, that means when Changbin, fortunately, makes it out of the war zone in Woojin’s backyard where Hyunjin is chasing Jisung with a dead spider between his metal tong, he finds out that he just, in fact, got himself into another disaster. Bits of potatoes’ skin is everywhere, scattered randomly from the kitchen aisle to the wooden cutting board. Bottles of mayonnaise and mustard are lying lifelessly across the dining table, saucing dripping from the opened caps. And jars of different spices look like they just got dumped into one big bucket, mixed together, and then carefully divided them evenly into each one again. Changbin is utterly alarmed right now and he can’t decide whether he should be helping you or just run away. But since it’s you, he can’t simply turn on his heels and leave because chances are, you’re gonna fucking stab him in his sleep.
“Woah, who did you kill ?” He gasps, taking slow strides toward your figure standing at the kitchen aisle.
You blow a few strands of loose hair out of your face, crying dramatically. “My sanity, it’s long gone.” You tell him as you try to stir the mixture of mayonnaise, paprika, apple cider vinegar, celery seeds, mustard, and sweet pickle relish in a stainless steel bowl with a wooden spoon, trying hard not to ruin Jaemin’s favorite hoodie. “And if you’re not planning on giving me a hand, then the exit is right that way. No one’s stopping you.”
Changbin shakes his head at you in disapproval for a hot minute before pulling your hair free from the loose bun, accidentally dousing himself in the more than familiar scent of your shampoo. Fresh, and a bit pepperminty, he missed this so much it’s starting to get creepy. Basically his heart just swells, but he’s gonna choose to be in denial like usual. “Better get your hair out of your face first.” He says and effortlessly puts your messy, black mop of hair into a high ponytail. It’s not like he hasn’t done this before because Changbin tends to play with your hair a lot while you’re both on a Netflix marathon. But this time, you didn’t know what it was, but the moment the tips of his fingers brushed past your bare skin, they sent electricity down your spine and goosebumps rose on your skin. The fact that your little heart feels like it’s running on a treadmill for hours doesn’t make it easier to deny how much he can affect you without even trying.
“Why are you still wearing that hoodie ?” Changbin points out, confused.
You answer monotonously, still mad at your roommate. “Because Yeji forgot to do laundry. So I have nothing to wear.” You hate her even more now because she’s probably gonna be out and about, going to questionable parties with Ryujin until dawn and asking for a cup of water when she gets back home on your bean bag chair. “I’m gonna have to return it to Jaemin soon.”
Changin snickers. “Yeah, you better.” He finishes chopping up the hard-boiled eggs, celery, sweet onions, and fresh dill, dropping the ingredients into the dressing that you just made.
“So,” You walk over to the dining table to grab the bowl of chopped potato. “How did your date go? Was she cute or did she look like a potential serial killer? Wait, serial killers can look cute.” You shiver at the thought of losing your best friend in some foreign country because someone can literally be kidnapped in a span of fifteen to twenty seconds. So you don’t see the point of being ashamed about always being paranoid.
Changbin helps you pour the dressing over the potato before stirring the goodness together with a wooden spoon. “Ah, that,” He scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “She’s okay I guess. But you never know, talking over text is always easier.”
You decide to let Changbin finish up the dish and grab some paper towels to wipe down the table and counter. “So you guys never met up ?”
He looks hesitant to tell you. “Technically, we were gonna see each other every day because of the internship but I guess no? Our schedules aren’t exactly compatible. Maybe I’ll just ask her out again when I fly back.”
You stop cleaning up the mess on the kitchen aisle and turn your attention onto your best friend. He’s nibbling on his bottom lips, guilt is evident in his eyes.
“What internship?” You ask.
seven.
Seo Changbin used to have ( and still has ) a soft spot for you. And everyone knows that all too well.
He wasn’t kidding when he said that you’re his favorite girl. He wasn’t kidding when he said that he’d take a bullet for you. But you kinda wish that he was because falling in love with your childhood best friend just sounds so wrong on so many levels altogether. Jaemin night be right, it is written in the stars for some people to fall in love with their best friend but that life is not for you. There’s just something about the idea of Changbin and you as lovers that twists an immediate knot in your stomach. Sometimes you wish he doesn’t have to be so affectionate towards you so that you can give up on the one thing that’s holding you back : false hope.
He would always drag you out of bed in the middle of the night to watch the stars and talk with him even when you guys were practically inseparable. Your group of friends constantly tells you that Changbin could never keep his hands to himself when it comes to you but realistically, he’s just a secretly clingy person who loves cuddling. But those little moments where you guys were sharing the same bed, snuggling into each other’s presence like it’s the last sense of comfort in the entire world were the ones you cherish the most. They can make you smile stupidly to yourself all day.
And Changbin never failed to surprise you too. He once made the whole fancy breakfast in bed with flowers that only happens in movies and you couldn’t stop talking about it. Even ‘till this day, you still can’t shut up about it. He only brushed it off and told you that he wanted to spoil you since it’s your birthday but you took it as something much more than just a birthday present. Because those little actions of his are what set your heart on fire and you feel like it could combust anytime if he keeps looking at you so tenderly all the time.
Changbin isn’t a man of many words because he truly believes that actions speak louder than words. At least for him, his actions are much more powerful than his words. But that doesn’t mean his words never had any kind of effect on you. Because they did, greatly. You still remember how you’d always wake him up in the middle of the night because your stupid brain cells decided to give you a mental breakdown after bottling feelings up for so long. But Changbin didn’t just scold you for keeping everything to yourself, he did something else much more magical and much more comforting than any advice you could ever have.
He’s written plenty of songs for you before, and you can still vividly hear the familiar melodies every now and then whenever you’re in a really dark place.
It felt like a tight hug when you were all alone and in distress. But what sucks is that it makes you miss him even more. Where in the world is he? What is he doing? Does he have a decent life? Moreover, is he happy? You were always worried sick about Changbin because he’s that type of guy who works his ass off for things that he’s passionate about but he’d be willing to do something else for others because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Hence, upon hearing about him turning down an internship just to fly back, you didn’t know what to say or think.
You yell at Changbin. “Are you out of your mind?!”
He huffs in disbelief. “I’m a fully grown man who has every right to make my own decisions so I chose to visit my friends instead of torturing myself inside a studio. Yeah, sue me!”
“Do you have any idea how many opportunities and chances that internship would bring? There’s no need for you to do that just because of us!”
Changbin points out snarkily. “Well, you were the one who decided to call me at 3 a.m. every single day, complaining about your insomnia and shit.”
You gasp scandalously. “Why are you even saying that? It’s like you don’t even know me! I’m trying to put your benefits before mine, why is it so hard to understand that? Are you trying to say that I’m the bad guy in this conversation?”
“Maybe you are,” He says through gritted teeth. “Likewise, I’m trying to put my friends first instead of locking myself up within four soundproof walls twenty-four hours a day, five days a week, until spring break is over. You are being fucking ridiculous!”
You’re slightly taken aback when Changbin had the audacity to say such things. Why is he still so fucking stubborn? “I’m the one who’s being ridiculous? Me trying to not get my best friend's talent wasted, me trying to not have my best friend make the rest of his break go wack because all we do here is apparently get drunk, eat, sleep, and repeat. That, is being ridiculous ?” You let out a humorless laugh. “Well, if I need to keep on doing that in order to keep you on track with your dream, then I fucking will.”
He hisses at you. “What are you? My mom? I’m a fully grown adult for fuck’s sake!”
“Yes, I am technically your mom since the day you threw up on my dress in kindergarten. I even wiped your puke off of your face, you ungrateful brat.”
“Uhm guys, you might wanna tone it down..” Felix tries to cool off the situation since he doesn’t really enjoy eating dinner while two people are continuously throwing daggers at each other with their eyes.
Another thing, no matter how whipped you are for Seo Changbin, there’s still this little demonic part in your heart that screams to strangle the light out of his eyes every single day. Even back then, you guys bickered like there’s no tomorrow without a care in the world. Fortunately, your problems were always quick to be resolved because you just could never bring yourself to hate him even when you wanted to. He’s just that contagious, never fails to put a smile on your face nonetheless.
So naturally, it’s ten minutes into the BBQ party in Woojin’s backyard and you’re more than ready to fight him. Metaphorically, not literally because you’re too utterly soft for him anyway.
“Shh, shh,” Minho easily shushes Felix up with his index finger over his lips. “Lix, keep it down, the Petty Olympics is just getting started.”
Jeongin purses his lips. “You’re such a snake, did you know that?” He’s obnoxiously chewing on the slices of grilled steak that Chan just took off the iron rack. Like Felix, he wishes to enjoy dinner in peace but that has not happened for quite some time and he’s already sick of it.
Minho rolls his eyes at the younger boy with nothing but disgust in his eyes. “Wow, what a truly shocking revelation, Jeongin. It’s for the irony, sarcasm is needed in order for my joke to work.” He sips on the glass of whiskey in front of him like how he simply sips on his coworkers’ complaints about their relationships every morning. “Now run along, grab your monthly paycheck and buy yourself a sense of humor.”
Jisung snickers. “Wow, is he mean today—“
You cut Jisung off unintentionally, huffing with such determination. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”
Changbin says casually. “It’s not like I want to.”
“I will break you.” You give him your best death glare.
He tips his imaginary hat with a smirk tugged on his lips. “If that’s what makes you happy, then I certainly cannot wait for it, Little Mistress.”
eight.
It’s the second time you’re hanging out with Jaemin and still, you can’t bring yourself to develop any non-platonic feelings for him. Do you really want to date him? Not really. Again, he’s not a bad guy. In fact, girls can just pass by you both walking by the Han River and they’re already eyeing him up and down like an expensive piece of steak.
Maybe it’s something about trying to push Changbin out of your mind for once in your life. Or it can be something about the fact that he actually has some kind of romantic interest in his Tinder date. Or you’re just being ridiculous and totally overthinking the situation.
It’s sad, but you’ll have to accept it sooner or later. You see Jaemin as nothing but a friend, and a little brother because he’s funny, respectful, and everything you can ask for in a guy. But, at the end of the day, he’s just not Changbin.
And although you’re madly in love with your best friend, it seems like Jaemin gets you and manages to keep your mind off of him for the day so that you don’t end up crying alone in one of the bathroom stalls. You can’t be any more thankful.
“You seriously didn’t have to watch ‘Dolittle’ twice just because of me,” Jaemin tells you as you both stand at the front door of the movies, hugging his bucket of popcorn closer to his stomach.
You smile at him. “Robert Downey Jr. is worth watching any movie twice. That’s why I’m still not over the Endgame depression phase because I may or may not watch it one too many times.”
He rolls his eyes at you and proceeds to throw his garbage away. “Crybaby.” Then, he wraps his arm around your shoulder and walks you towards the entrance. “I had fun tonight. Thanks, Y/N, it means a lot. Should I walk you home?”
“I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” You answer cheekily.
Jaemin teases, “Because your boyfriend might show up and punch me in the face?”
“Shut up! He’s not my boyfriend!”
“Woah, I didn’t even say who it was. You’re so whipped for him.”
You elbow him in the stomach, earning a low grunt from him as a response. “I shouldn’t have given you your hoodie back. I should have burnt it or something.”
He wiggles his eyebrows at you, holding onto the paper bag that you brought tightly. “No, keep it if you want to. You look good in it.”
Before you can even clap-back at him with a witty retort, your phone vibrates inside your pocket. “Sorry, someone texted me.”
[ 9:23p.m. ]
meanhoe | Y/N WHERE ARE YOU?!
meanhoe | SOMEONE BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE!
meanhoe | I’m upstairs rn, but there were some sketchy sounds earlier. I think they’re in our kitchen.
meanhoe | Bin’s still in the living room!
meanhoe | COME HOME!!
Oh. My. God.
nine.
“Changbin, pick up, pick up,” You murmur and keep pacing back and forth at your parents’ front porch, frantically fumbling with your phone in your hands. “Goddamnit just pick up!” You groan out of frustration when you can’t even open the door because it’s locked, and Changbin’s not doing a great job at responding to your calls either. Which can only mean one thing, he’s being held hostage inside along with your brother and the intruder’s probably confiscated their phones.
You’d take a bullet for Changbin if that’s the last thing you could do for him. There are no words to fathom how important he is to you, so now instead of thinking of how to save his ass, you’re stupidly, foolishly thinking back to high school where he would always eat lunch with you whenever Minho’s too caught up with practice, where you both would lie under an ugly tree at the very back of your school’s enormous backyard, trying to do homework and dozing off five minutes after. Changbin’s been with you through thicks and thins, with all of your ups and downs. His lack of doubt for you was what helped you survive those horrendous years and you’ve decided that you’re not gonna let go of him, not in this life.
Therefore, you’re about to do something dumb. That something is going to prevent your best friend from getting murdered. But the chances of getting your head blown into bits are undeniably high too. That wouldn’t matter now, would it? If the intruder dares to tick you off, he best believes that you’re gonna fucking take him down with you.
Mustering all of the courage you have left, slowly, your fingers hover over the doorknob, the other on the wooden surface, ready to bang on it like a crazy person. You inhale sharply and close your eyes. 3..2..1..
The door suddenly swings open, causing you to stagger forward and your eyes widen in panic. “Y/N? What the hell?” Changbin catches you in time and frowns furiously at your soaked figure. Your hair and clothes are doused with rain, the tips of your fingers as cold as ice from staying outside for so long. You flutter your eyes open at his words, mouth grows agape when you find out that your current position can’t be any more awkward.
Great, now what?
Wait, where’s the intruder? “Are you okay?!” You mindlessly throw yourself at him, holding onto him so tightly like he’s gonna disintegrate into thin air once you let him go. Blood is roaring inside your ears, your heart is picking up its pace as you have so many questions, so many things to say but.. he seems pretty okay? “Is Minho okay too? Where is he? Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Why was the door locked?”
Changbin pulls away softly to prevent you from hearing his heart thumping vigorously inside of his rib cage, eyes as wide as a goldfish’s. “What? Minho’s downtown today to meet up with his old friend who’s studying abroad. Didn’t he tell you?”
“No?” You knit your brows together and take a full ten seconds to process what just happened. Why do you feel like you just got played?
He closes the door and walks you inside. “And why the hell do you look like a wet rat? Did you just walk home? Weren’t that Jaemin guy supposed to drive you instead?” You purposely ignore his questions and continue to piece the little amount of information that you have together. But once you throw a glance at your parents’ living room, you see a box of fresh, piping hot Hawaiian pizza with ‘Fast and Furious’ playing on the forty-eight inches TV. With that, everything makes sense.
You ran home as fast as you possibly could, under the rain when it’s dark outside all alone and this is how your brother repays you?
“Wow,” You utter, somewhat lightheaded. “I need to sit down.” You tell Changbin when he comes back with a white fluffy, towel. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, wordlessly bringing the towel to your head as an attempt to dry off your hair. You’re startled by his sudden affection, cheeks growing pink as you avoid eye contact.
Changbin caresses your cheekbone gently as if you’re far too fragile for him to touch and you just play dumb by batting your eyelashes repeatedly to shake the droplets of rain away. He quickly snaps out of it, taken aback by his own action. “Would you care to tell me what happened before I put you on trial?” He says with his arms crossed.
Your blood slowly boils as you choke on your own exasperation.“Minho told me that someone broke into our house and basically held you hostage. So I rain-checked on Jaemin, ran home only to find you in one piece with a pizza while watching ‘Fast & Furious’.” You hide your face behind your palms in sheer embarrassment as Changbin cackles his ass off in his annoyingly adorable laughter that makes you crack up every time.
He throws his head back and continues to laugh wholeheartedly, holding onto his stomach for dear life. “He got you good, wow. So much for supporting his sister’s second date. I’m sure he just wants to make sure that you’re home before twelve.”
“HE COULD HAVE JUST PICKED ME UP HIMSELF! HELLO?” You throw your hands in the air, huffing. You swear to God, Minho’s dead meat to you tomorrow morning. Your brother knows your feelings for Changbin all too well and he’s just doing everything he can to kick Jaemin out of your love life but the irony here is Jaemin was never there in the first place. But, Minho’s an evil mad genius so he still succeeded in pushing you back to Changbin when you’re trying to avoid him the most. Props to him, you’re now stuck inside a house with your best friend because your parents are currently going on vacation in Bora Bora.
That wouldn’t be a problem unless you’re madly in love with him. But you are, and it sucks.
You exclaim, smacking Changbin’s arm, causing him to whine loudly. “Would you stop laughing? I was scared that you’re gonna get murdered!”
In a split second, he pulls you flushed against him, rocking you back and forth as he ruffles your hair. When the vibration of his chuckle emits from his chest just makes your heart skip a beat. Changbin’s never been the cheesy, romantic type like Hyunjin but sometimes he does these things that just messes up your heart more as if it’s not already all over the place.
“Come on, Beastie, go change your clothes. I wouldn’t wanna cuddle with a sick person.”
ten.
One shower and five minutes later, you’re on the sofa right beside Changbin with your head rested comfortably on his shoulder. The first episode of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ is blaring clamorously on your dad’s TV as your eyelids grow heavy, hanging on the edge of shutting before your favorite character even pops up.
Changbin notices your sleepiness and pulls the wool blanket closer to your body, high enough to cover the rest of your shoulders as you snuggle into the crook of his neck. He pouts at the box of pizza and two empty bottles of Henny before playing with your hair, braiding a small section of it in boredom. He’s definitely not the type to rewatch any shows but since you’re just so pumped for the second season, you insisted that you two should binge-watch season one all over again. Obviously, he doesn’t see the point because he already knows everything, how does rewatching it has anything to do with getting him ready for the next season? Besides, you’re already falling asleep when it’s only ten minutes into the episode.
But is Changbin gonna let you sleep in peace just like that after all those years of you waking him up at an ungodly hour? Nope.
“Hey,” He nudges you with his elbow. “They said there wouldn’t be a second season.”
You jolt up from your sleepy state, eyes shooting open in utter surprise and disappointment. “Wait what?! Why not?!” You cry out dramatically, hands batting in midair like a madwoman as if they’re looking for something to hold onto. Soon enough, you plop yourself back onto the couch in defeat, letting the alcohol take over your entire body. You can already feel it kicking in as your limbs grow lighter and so does your mind. Gosh, you just wish you weren’t so lightweight.
Changbin chuckles at you, caressing your hair softly. He pulls you closer to him by your shoulder and takes in your scent like it’s the last sense of comfort on Earth. “You’re so cute when you’re drunk, did you know that?” He studies your features closely, quickly realizing how much he must matter to you for you to show this vulnerable side to him so casually. Giddiness is an understatement for the way that his heart just beats ten times faster, the way his arms hold you close so gently but so tightly at the same time. In this cracked darkness with the insufficient source of light from the TV screen, you’re so beautiful it takes the breath right out of his lungs. You seem too serene to be true, eyes closed, lips slightly agape it makes him wonder how it feels to seal his with yours.
As if on cue, your favorite character appears on time and you swat the sleepiness away, pointing at the screen with half-open eyes. “Five! He’s so cute, can I adopt him, please?” You giggle and show him those infamous puppy eyes. Changbin can never resist it’s actually frustrating.
“Yes, you can adopt a serial killer who knows how to travel through time, absolutely.” Changbin facepalms himself. “Honestly, what do you even see in him?”
“He’s smart and funny, and a total badass. I like how he never sugarcoats things and stays true to himself. But, he also puts others before himself without expecting them to do the same thing back. His actions speak louder than his words because there are countless times where he saved his siblings although he talks to them as if he sees them as nothing more than a bunch of assholes. I admire him in so many ways although he’s just a fictional character. And you know why?” You cock your head sideways, leaning closer. “Because he kinda reminds me of you.”
Changbin tenses up at the last part. “W-What?”
The ‘sober Y/N’ would never be brave enough to tell him what you’re planning on saying next. “I love you, Bin. I know that I might not act like I give a fuck, but I genuinely care about you. You mean the world to me.” You blurt mindlessly, hiccuping into his ears. “I really do love you. I just never got the courage to say it.” You hum and toppling over his figure on top of the couch, your legs straddling his.
“We can’t.” Changbin places his index finger on your lips to stop you from decreasing the distance. “You’re not thinking straight right now.”
You pull back, frowning. “Why? Because I’m not sober? What do my feelings for you have anything to do with alcohol?” You’re not mad, but rather curious. Either way, you can’t seem to get mad at Changbin for more than ten seconds.
“I- I don’t wanna hurt you.” He stutters and stops as he sees the heartbroken look in your eyes. It hurts even more because deep down, the sober part in you knows that you’d never fathom enough courage to actually tell him how you feel. And you also know that you’ve just potentially fucked up more than ten years worth of friendship. Changbin’s warm brown eyes stare at you with nothing but pure sincerity. “It’s like I’m taking advantage of you in this kind of state. It’s not right. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” He brushes your hair out of your face and sighs.
“Bin, you respect me like no one else does. You know it. I know it. We know it. You’re my best friend.”
“That’s the problem.” He pulls you closer while rubbing little circles on your back. “Promise me that we’ll never change, yeah?”
You wrap your hands around his neck, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of your eye. “Yeah..promise.”
“Y/N, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He reassures you as a confirmation, standing up from the couch that he’s been occupying for too long. You keep your gaze low, unable to meet his eyes as you’re ashamed of your own action. You shouldn’t have done that. What were you thinking for fuck’s sake?
Changbin turns off the TV before guiding you towards the stairs in the dark, holding onto your waist tightly enough so that you won’t slip. “Don’t blame yourself on this, okay?”
You voice quietly, almost a whisper. “Okay.”
“Come on, let’s go to bed.”
eleven.
That night, you held onto Changbin like he’s the last thing you’re ever gonna see although you knew too well that it’s meaningless. What’s the point anyways? He just slapped your confession away and that alone was enough for you to understand that he sees you as nothing more than a friend. However, it’s still better than being stuck in that weird gray area that just keeps messing with your mind. You wouldn’t want to get in his way either. So when Changbin tried to peel your hands away from his torso gently in the middle of the night, your eyes remained closed as you rolled on the other side of the bed.
When you woke up in the morning, he was already gone.
It’s like he’s never been there all of those years as if he’s just an illusion that your delusional self made up to comfort yourself when things get hard. All of his belongings were nowhere to be found, his bed in the guest room was neatly made, something that he’s never done before. Changbin left no traces, no notes, no messages, no nothing like it’s a natural implement for ‘Don’t bother looking for me, I’m not gonna come back’. But to you, it feels more like ‘You fucked up our friendship, Y/N. I will never speak to you again’.
Losing a best friend of a lifetime is way worse than going through a breakup. But it hurts more when you’ve unintentionally developed feelings for him when you know too well that it’s not right. It’s not right. And you seriously screwed up. You just hurt the one and only person that’s so incredibly close and special to your heart. Therefore, you’re distraught, unable to do anything right for some of the following days. Utterly destroyed, you can’t seem to stop blaming yourself for what happened.
Changbin’s done so much for you and you can’t be any more grateful to have him in your life. There was this time where you totally lashed out on him because you were just having a ‘bad day’. He didn’t even get mad at you, he never gets mad at you. Instead, Changbin let you lock yourself up in your room for an hour until he came back with a box of chocolate and flowers. Everything fell right back into its place again and you really don’t know what you did to deserve him. He always goes out of his way, prioritizing others’ benefits rather than his own. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone at all because, in your heart, you know that he can be hurt easily too.
So it’s no shocker that you’re madly in love with him. You like how he smiles and looks at you like you’re the only person that’s existing in this celestial sphere. You like the sound of his laughter because it reminds you of Spongebob sometimes, it’s ridiculously adorable in the best way possible. You also like how he clings onto you and lets you be the big spoon whenever he’s having a long day, you can’t stop smiling knowing that he finds comfort in your presence.
The only flaw about him is that he’s all about that healthy life, which is good for him but you’re not adapting that any time soon. And he doesn’t talk about himself enough as he’s always used to listening to others’ problems instead. He’s flawsome, but you’re willing to embrace it all. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, you love all of him.
Just because he’s Seo Changbin.
You stay up for many days, thinking an awful amount and flashbacking to when you’re on top of him, staring at him so tenderly as those idiotic words slipped out of your lips. All of because of one single beer. You just wish you could take it all back. If so, maybe you wouldn’t have lost the person you care about the most.
“No, she won’t eat no matter what I say.” You can hear Yeji’s voice echoes from the living room as you throw an arm over your eyes. “I don’t think you should see her right now, not when she’s on the verge of breaking down every two seconds.” You don’t even have to look to know that your brother’s outside, probably worried sick about you. Minho might not be the type of person to show affections on a regular basis, but he genuinely cares about the people around him. He just doesn’t know how to express that he cares.
The front door closes with a small ‘click’, making you jolt up from your bed. Your roommate pushes the door to your bedroom open and runs a hand through her hair. She practically grimaces at the current state of your room : curtains closed, clothes scattered all over the place with you still in your PJs. It’s funny because normally, you’re the one who complains whenever she’s being messy, now Yeji has the perfect reason to pay back. “Jesus Christ,” She frowns when her hands open the beige-colored curtains. “Get yourself together, will you?”
“Leave-me-alone.” You hiss at her like a snake when the light comes flooding in, blinding your eyes in the process. “What do you want? Am I not depressed enough to be at peace?”
She shakes her head and sits down next to your reclined form on the bed, a hand finds its way to your back. “No, you’re just in denial.” Yeji pulls your figure closer, embracing you with as much sincerity that she can muster. She might as well have you scream at her for forgetting to do laundry and waking up late rather than seeing you barely alive like this. If this goes on for too long, you might end up in the ER. And she can care less about whatever you’re planning on doing next because clearly, you’re not emotionally stable enough to make your own decisions right now.
You look down. “About what?”
“About the fact that Seo Changbin likes you too.” She says softly. “Only a dumbass can’t see that he’s completely head over heels for you.”
You chuckle dryly. “He’s not, he probably hates me.”
“He never hated you, he never hates you, and he will never hate you.” Yeji sighs as you snuggle closer to her chest. “Why would you think that Changbin hates you?”
Your eyes widen in terror as the night before when he left replays in your head over and over again. The more you think about it, the more you wanna kick yourself for not controlling our own feelings. Three words and your best friend’s gone. He was right, you guys could never, you weren’t thinking straight. Even down to that moment, Changbin put you before him and treated you with nothing but respect. “Because I ruined our friendship. Things are never gonna be the same again. I shouldn’t have fallen for him, I’m so stupid.” You let out an audible groan and bury your face into your palms.
Yeji peels your hands away and forces you to look at her. “I don’t see why falling for Seo Changbin is considered stupid. You see things in him that no one else does, and you even had the courage to confess how you truly feel, even when it’s because of a bottle of Henny. Not everyone can accept that because people are cowards when it comes to commitment and their own feelings.” She keeps looking you dead in the eye as if she’s testing you. “Look, even if Changbin doesn’t feel the same way. He can never hate you.”
“And why should I believe you?”
Your roommate laughs in disbelief, shaking your shoulder forcefully. “Are you blind? Do you even hear yourself right now? Haven’t you seen the way that he looks at you, eyes sparkling like puppies and all? If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. Even if it’s not the love that you wanted him to return, he still loves you as a friend. He just ran away because, well, he’s human too. He might need some time to himself and make up his mind.”
You stare into the distance this time, eyes empty. “True love doesn’t count if it’s not returned, don’t you agree?”
Yeji rolls her eyes at you, she looks like she’s about to personally drag your ass across the planet, straight to Italy just to make up with Changbin. “Oh-my-god, you’re impossible! Of course, it counts! So what, you’re telling me that your feelings for him after all these years would mean nothing if he doesn’t say those three words back? I know that you’re sad and angry about what happened, but I think it’s much better than bottling everything up all to yourself. You were brave for doing that, Y/N.”
Your lips stay sealed as you decide to listen to her lecture obediently like a child. “Do you think Changbin would want to see you like this? No, no one wants to see you all depressed and miserable. Do you have any idea how worried Minho is? Have you checked the notifications on your phone? It’s not like you can’t move on with life without Changbin, you can and you will if that’s what you have to do.”
“So..?”
“Are you gonna step up and get your life back again or what?”
You groan internally, because gosh, you hate it whenever she’s right.
twelve.
From then on, Changbin’s like a phantom in your life, not because he’s constantly popping out of nowhere to scare the living daylight out of you, but because he’s constantly on your mind. Everything feels a little bit emptier without him. You don’t have to worry about having cilantro in your daily meals because he’s not there to complain about it. And there’s no longer a random cup of chai tea in the fridge on Sunday mornings because he can’t buy you one anymore.
But at the same time, everything reminds you of him. Like how his pairs of designer shoes aren’t laying around at your front door, how his favorite hoodies aren’t being forgotten at your place intentionally, and how the Stitch stuffed animal he gave you last year still reeks off his significant scent. Everything gives you a hard time to finally let him go, but ultimately, you know that you’ll pull through. And you did.
You move on with a college degree waiting for you at the end of this dark, bumpy road. Changbin, on the other hand, you can’t say much because his SoundCloud account is currently empty. He deleted every single song, every mixtape, every demo possible as if he’s trying to wipe his existence out of your life completely. Which makes it more difficult for you to muster up some courage and reach out to him again.
It’s almost a year, and you wish he could have just given you a sign about whether he’s fine with being friends or not. But as always, leaving notes is definitely not his department. The thing is, you feel like you both didn’t just grow apart. You also grew up.
“Y/N, did you ask me to go to the movies just because you didn’t feel like studying for finals?” Jaemin nudges you with his elbow and you smack his arms in return. Okay, technically you did grow up but old habits die hard, and you’re still procrastinating. Nothing new, but the occasional non-dates with Jaemin somehow helped with the aching part in your heart. You can’t say that he’s your new best friend because gosh, no one could ever replace Changbin. But ever since you found out that you guys go to the same college, you kept running into him on campus. Hence, hanging out with him is practically unavoidable.
You laugh, letting him swing an arm around your shoulders. “Nope, it’s because I love hanging out with you.”
“Does that naturally imply as you love me?” He grins coyly before approaching your car at the very end of the parking lot. You’ve talked about this before. ‘Love’ is an overstatement for the love that you have for Jaemin. Of course, you love him, just not in a romantic way and he accepts that. Although he does sometimes pull you in as a stunt just to get a discount for buying a couples’ combo. You let him, only because you’re both broke college students who are dreading your own student’s loans.
“Sure, I just love you so much I can’t even bring myself to say it without doing this.” You slowly feed his ego and your right hand quickly grabs the right side of his ears, dragging him into the driver’s seat of your car. Jaemin stops wincing once you let him go, pouting when you enter through the back door. “Serves you right.” You scoff, throwing him the key to start the engine.
He rubs his now swollen, red ear in pain, whining out loud like a kid that’s not allowed to buy popcorn when their parents bring them to the movie theatre. “This is domestic violence, I’m suing.” He complains but still hits the gas and starts backing out of the overpacked parking lot. People go wild during the weekends. That’s why you’re letting him drive because you suck.
You smile satisfactorily. “Ah, enslaved child labor at its finest.” If looks could kill, Minho would probably find your corpse in the car, limbs spread wide open because Jaemin is occasionally tossing you dirty looks through the rear-view mirror as he finds a way to hide a body while driving towards your neighborhood.
When you get home, you politely offer Jaemin to stay for dinner but he said he’s got a date to catch up with so you just let him be. Yeji isn’t gonna be home until nine because of her shift at the café so you basically have the whole apartment to yourself until your roommate returns from work.
Exhausted from spending all day on campus and going to the movies after, you quickly get rid of your long coat and plop yourself onto the couch. You waste absolutely no time and automatically hang yourself upside down on the cushioned surface while scrolling through your feed in boredom. You like to change up your position every ten minutes so that you feel less like a potato while your blood circulation isn’t gonna get blocked anywhere.
The moment you’re about to accept a video call from Jisung, you’re interrupted with a rather strange notification. You decide to text him, saying that you’re busy with a presentation and open the email from an unknown email. The email doesn’t have any specific title and you don’t think it belongs to any of your classmates. However, there’s a file attached to it which makes you even more confused. Who’d send a random video to someone they don’t even know? What if this is some kind of trick that people use for human trafficking? Like once you tap on it, there’s an automatic tracker on your phone and soon enough, you’ll go missing.
“for_you.mp4”
It makes your heart skip a beat as realization hits you like a truck. Deep down, you know, you know who it belongs to and you’re even more terrified to watch it. But you have to, you have to watch it. With a sharp inhale, your index finger trembles until it comes in contact with your screen, opening the file.
“Is this thing on?”
You immediately burst into tears as soon as Changbin appears. You’re stupidly, foolishly crying as he awkwardly adjusts the camera angle, checking himself in the monitor and runs a hand through his hair. Changbin’s wearing that one fitted black t-shirt that he probably bought in big bulks, warm brown eyes peeking through his messy bangs. He’s never looked better to the point that you’re tongue-tied, unable to scream even when you have so many questions, so many things to say. Yet only tears come streaming down your face. You missed him dearly, and here he is finally.
“Y/N?” Changbin quirks a brow and smiles. God, you missed his smile too. “If you’re watching this video, don’t..post it on social media. It’s gonna be a real tearjerker.”
You chuckle, wiping your tears away with the sleeves of your hoodie. He didn’t change, at all. “I don’t know if you can still forgive me for what I’ve done, but I still owe you an apology. I’m sorry for running away. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I’m sorry for not treating you right. It’s just when you said that you loved me, it sparked so much skepticism inside my head that even I couldn’t understand what I was thinking. Next thing I know, I was out the door, straight to the airport. I was an asshole and I know that. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself right now because you did nothing wrong. In fact, there’s something that I’ve been wanting to tell you too. I can’t seem to be complete without you. You’re it. You’re my endgame.”
When Changbin takes in a deep breath, so do you. You nervously scratch onto the black nail polish that’s starting to chip off on your pinkie, waiting for him as he fiddles with his fingers. Suddenly, he looks straight into the camera and laughs. “Why are you still here? You didn’t see the notification, did you?”
What notification?
Your trains of thoughts are once again canceled when your phone buzzes. You’ve just got a notification from an app that you barely touched since Changbin left. “SpearB just posted a new track. Check it out!”
“Neverending Story ( Demo ).”
Faster than a tick of the clock, you start playing the track, fingers drumming impatiently on one of your throw pillows. “Be mine, yeah?” His raspy voice sounds ten thousand times more attractive because it’s been a while since you’ve heard it and chills run up your spine. Adrenaline is pumping through your veins, your heart hanging on the verge of exploding. The soft instrumental blends in with the piano in the background perfectly, drowning out every other sound in the entire world. But what throws you off is that Changbin starts singing. It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sing and it’s truly breathtaking that you can do nothing more than sitting there with a hand over your mouth, letting the melody guide your mind.
“Whenever you smile, whenever you struggle
I'll always protect you
For you,
I can even go against time
Just to appear in front of you
I believe, I believe
Even if the world changes
Can you promise that we won't?”
The first verse bleeds into the pre-chorus, then the chorus itself and Changbin starts rapping, spilling the feelings that he’s been struggling with saying out for you. Every word, every sound, every note hits differently and you feel like you’re already on cloud nine, drifting off into a daze. You can fully acknowledge and feel the ignited passion that he has for you even when he’s more than five thousand miles away, on the other side of the planet. But that’s all you need honestly because what more can you ask for?
As if on cue, the song ends and there’s a knock at your door.
Heat rushes up the bridge of your nose as you wobble towards the front door, head still slightly lightheaded from the mixture of emotions. You quickly fix your hair, straightening your hoodie and your toes curl from the nervousness. The moment you twist the doorknob, Changbin backs you up against the wall, shutting the door with his feet. He stares you down intensely, making you feel extremely small in comparison. But those eyes of his are filled with nothing but adoration for you and only you. “I’m in love with you, the same way that you meant it back then. I’ve been in love with you for even God doesn’t know how long. I booked a plane ticket and wrote the song as soon as that thought clicked in me. You’re all that I need. I want you to be my one and only. And I still want you back, so what do you say?”
Your lips curl upwards softly into a smile. “You’re really outdoing yourself, aren’t you? I confessed to you when I was drunk and not only did you film a video, but you also wrote a song for me?”
“Only for you, Beastie.” Changbin chuckles and pulls you closer, sealing the gap between your lips. He’s done it, he did what he’s been wanting to for his entire life : to know what being in love actually feels like. His kiss isn’t even somewhere near as those movie stars’ that you both used to make fun of every weekend. It’s one that steeped into a passion that flickers at the very pit of your stomach, one that makes you feel like home, like he’s your safe place. Changbin’s said everything that he wanted but he kisses you as a silent promise that he will do stupid things just to be with you, to have you right by his side for the rest of his life.
He’s the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours as you both exchange shallow breaths. Smiling at you, Changbin can’t help himself but peppers small kisses all over your face from your forehead to the tip of your nose.
Life likes to toss you around and fuck you up sometimes but somehow, magically it always puts everything back in its place. The amount of tears that you’ve shed feels like payment for what you’re holding in your arms right now but there’s nothing that you won’t do to be here, in his embrace. Technically, Changbin didn’t have to say those three words back and he only did because he could, not because he needed to.
Even if he’s five thousand miles away, no one else is closer to your heart than he is. He loves you with all of the madness in his soul.
#stayshub#stray kids ot9#stray kids scenarios#college au#long distant relationship#seo changbin fanfic#bin fic#changbin fluff#changbin angst#changbin x reader#hwang yeji#na jaemin#bang chan#kim woojin#lee minho#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#kim seungmin#yang jeongin
555 notes
·
View notes
Text
Stupid Sexy Shizun
(an unnecessarily long post about Shen QIngqiu, romantic storylines, and dangerous fanon)
I see a lot of varying characterizations for Shen Qingqiu, especially vis a vis his allure to the other (typically male) members of the cast. Frankly, I do think the entire thing is funnier if a lot of people are in love with Shen Qingqiu, who only really recognizes Luo Binghe (and even then only after nearly apocalyptic levels of drama), and I’m willing to believe that he is unwittingly attractive for the following reasons:
he unintentionally falls into suggestive situations (the Skinner incident with the immortal binding cables, the Huan Hua Palace Water Dungeon, also with immortal binding cables For Some Reason, the succubus incident with Liu Qingge, etc.)
he may fall into improper/informal forms of address (for example, calling Binghe by name the first time they meet, rather than Luo Binghe or any of the previous Shen Qingqiu’s, er, nicknames)
he doesn’t always understand physical boundaries the same way as other characters (yikes @ the scene in one of the extras where he gives Binghe spiritual energy via skin-to-skin contact and fails to understand how/why that would be inappropriate, and potentially the situation with Liu Qingge cleansing his meridians, although I have reservations about that)
he tends to objectify people, which makes more sense when you realize he’s evaluating them based on his understanding of their characters and function in the original plot and cataloging differences, but reads differently to people who don’t have that context (which is almost everyone) (he makes internal comments about how hot a lot of the characters are, and I feel like he stares at people, but I can’t remember a specific incident for this; in conversations, it comes up in lines like “even if something bad happens, it won’t happen to you,” or “I knew you would definitely win,” both spoken to Binghe--at this point Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know Binghe very well and still sees him as The Protagonist, but to Binghe they just seem like heartwarming moments of security and belief)
he has trouble enforcing platonic guidelines to his relationships due to his fundamental belief that no one would find him attractive, be it romantically or sexually, and therefore sees no reason to draw that distinction (not going to cite specific incidences for this, it’s more of a recurring combination of his low self-esteem and lack of self-awareness, which I may talk about later in another post).
however, some reasons I have seen in fandom that do not seem likely based on my understanding of the plot and characters (although I will be the first to admit that I do not remember every single detail of the novel or extras, and that Shen Qingqiu is not the most reliable narrator to start with) are as follows:
fan language (technically possible, no indications given in canon, and you cannot convince me that Mr. I-Named-This-Poison-With-No-Cure-Without-A-Cure, Great God Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had the patience and wherewithal to research or create a comprehensive fan language)
owning and using slutty, slutty inner robes (this would require the cutthroat, inscrutable original Shen Qingqiu to own such robes in the first place, I don’t remember any canonical references to improper dress aside from instances where he has been disrobed--the Skinner incident, Huan Hua Palace Water Dungeon, and his QingSi treatment--, and Shen Qingqiu has a healthy paranoia about governing his appearances so people won’t realize he isn’t the original goods; yes, the Peak Lords suspect him of being possessed anyway, but to my knowledge their reasons centered around his personability and investment in his students rather than robes or hair ornamentation)
eating suggestive foods (this one is slightly debatable. again, he doesn’t see himself as someone people would find attractive, so I can’t discount the idea that he would inadvertently eat something in a suggestive manner. however, I saw someone have him request dishes involving aphrodisiacs, and I was like, WACK. He probably had a cataloged index of the different weird plants and monsters of PIDW before his transmigration and ranted excessively in the comments about all of the pointless precursors to papapa, up to and including creating different plants/animal organs that have the same or better effects and then yelled at Airplane for not keeping better track of his own inventions. This is the guy who saw Liu Qingge under the effects of succubus poison or whatever and immediately knocked him into a cold bath. you won’t catch him slipping that easily)
enabling Binghe to get away with suggestive/improper and sexualized behavior while he was still a teenaged disciple. I think this one really gets to me because that narrative of the virginal innocent Shizun and his perverted disciple is the exact view that the outside world has of their dynamic, as represented by the fragments of The Resentment of Chunshan that we see in the extras. People see Binghe as a depraved monster (he is a demon, after all) and make insinuations about his treatment of Shen Qingqiu’s corpse during the five years between his death and resurrection. For contrast, the crux of the novel is Shen Qingqiu realizing that Binghe is hurt and insecure and desperately begging to be loved. In the extras he even goes through some of Binghe’s memories and remarks about how, contrary to rumor, all Binghe did was keep his body from rotting while he searched for ways to revive him. I won’t say that Binghe wasn’t a teenage boy and never did what teenage boys do, but the extras showed us that Binghe would rather throw himself into a cold lake than act inappropriately towards his Shizun, and I can’t remember him making any sexual advances until after Shen Qingqiu came back to life. In canon, Binghe is ill-informed and generally bad at sex, which doesn’t speak to me like someone who was just waiting for the right moment to strike.
I will read a hundred fics about Shen Qingqiu inadvertently causing people to fall in love with him, but a lot of fanworks try to make it about a physical allure rather than his personality and the ways in which he feels comfortable interacting with other people. People respond to his kindness and his feelings of duty and honor, and it makes me feel cheated to see interpretations downplay characteristics of his actual personality, especially when it degrades the characters around him, too. Yue Qingyuan feels protective of him but generally listens when Shen Qingqiu tells him not to draw his sword, and in canon he gave Shen Qingqiu enough space that he was surprised by the extent of his grief when Binghe was in the Endless Abyss. Liu Qingge is also protective of Shen Qingqiu and is involved in getting Shen Qingqiu’s promise to remain with Cang Qiong Mountain Sect before the Maigu Ridge incident, but doesn’t stop him from leaving when he decides to go. Binghe makes some questionable choices, but his anger and insecurity are understandable even without the rampant communication failures and the influence of Xin Mo, and the end of the novel shows that Luo Binghe is willing to leave if that’s what Shen Qingqiu wants.
Sometimes fan interpretations get really intense about this, as if Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, and Luo Binghe would catfight over Shen Qingqiu. Granted, Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe are willing to throw down at any given time, but the main romantic development comes from Shen Qingqiu treating other people with respect and receiving respect in return. While people do try to influence Shen QIngqiu’s decisions, the ultimate choice is his own.
One of the points of the novel is that people matter and their choices affect not only themselves but the people around them. I don’t care if Shen Qingqiu is some kind of accidental sex god, because his choices and especially his decision to care about other people give Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, and Luo Binghe each something they didn’t have in the original storyline: Yue Qingyuan gets a chance to explain himself and his failures, and is relieved of his burden of caring for Shen Qingqiu; Liu Qingge gets to live and see his little sister grow up; and Luo Binghe gets to be loved and cared for.
As for Shen Qingqiu, he got to choose his own happy ending.
#scum villain#shen qingqiu#scum villain meta#bingqiu#svsss#svss#other characters and ships to a lesser extent#sorry yue qingyuan and liu qingge#me when i was most of the way through the post: wait am i a luo binghe apologist???#i keep a 'luo binghe did some things wrong' sign next to my 'the misunderstandings in scum villain make sense actually' sign#i feel like i got. way too passionate about this#i do not expect this to get notes#my posts
77 notes
·
View notes
Text
CREEP RANKS EVERY SONG IN NIER... AUTOMATA (mostly) BY TITLE
Because, like, no one played Gestalt. Also this game has more songs.
Significance
Like. I guess. It’s a title you can use. What is significant? We don’t know. The characters don’t know. They are struggling to find out. We all are. What is meaning? What really matters? I don’t know but we’re all crying. 8/10
City Ruins – Rays of Light / Shade
Plays in the ruins of the city. Exactly as advertised. Sounds sad like you might imagine. 9/10
Peaceful Sleep
This is the Resistance camp right? Peaceful things don’t tend to happen there honestly. At least not as we keep going. Sounds like a sleepy JRPG town though. Ok title for the mood it gives. I like this song a lot so I’m cheating and giving it more points than I know it deserves as just, like, a title. 8/10
Memories of Dust
Sand is dusty. What memories? We’re making them. Cool title. Sounds like a YA novel though. 9/10
Birth of a Wish
Genuinely often get confused with the Silent Hill 2 bonus story Born from a Wish whenever I try to remember what this song is called. This Cannot Continue / 10
The Color of Depression
This is like… a really cool title. Thanks. That Scanner boy is not gonna live the happy family life you all for some reason keep suggesting he is. Bad things are gonna happen to him. He dies anyway. 11/10
Amusement Park
Yeah. I guess. We certainly are in the amusement park level. Creep why does this one rank so much lower than City Ruins which was also just “name of location”. Amusement park is not a cool title. City Ruins is a cool title. 7/10
A Beautiful Song
Would you say Simone has girlpower? Would you say Simone successfully used her girlpower to kill and consume countless androids and also turn them into near lifeless weapons and body jewelry? 9/10
Voice of No Return
Sad title. Sad song. Exactly as advertised once again. I feel sad listening to the Automata OST most of the time. Is this quest complete in the camp? I think so. Anyway it’s really sad. I love to cry. 11/10
Grandma – Destruction
Um so this is like. Genuinely a horrible title. It reminds me of the title of a darkweb video which I will say no more on. This song is REALLY good its a shame this title is so… uh. Bad. It’s just bad. 1/10
Faltering Prayer – Dawn Breeze / Starry Sky
This is another really cool title. This game is about like… life after god. I’m not here to get thematic. I say in a list entirely about if the song fits the theme. Anyway this is a cool title. The song again… sounds sad. One of them is a music box which I love. Cheating again. 10/10
Emil’s Shop
EVERY DAY’S A SALE. EVERY SALE’S A WIN. 12/10!!
Treasured Times
The fact this plays after Emil’s shop on the OST is the biggest tonal whiplash in the world. This song makes me feel an emotion I cannot describe. It’s something like sadness but not quite. This isn’t a review of the songs, just the title. But reading the title makes me feel that emotion too but stronger when I think about it. I don’t know. 9/10
Vague Hope – Cold Rain / Spring Rain
Good title… Thematically very appropriate. Not COOL like some of the others but it feels right feels canon. I like it. It’s just the city ruins quest complete song but it also plays in one of the fucking… DLC fights. That makes me extra sad. 10/10
End of the Unknown
Which unknown was ended. Genuinely think when this plays I had more unknowns than knowns. This song sounds like every song from the Gestalt DLC. 6/10.
Pascal
At least Automata has far fewer “named after a character” songs. They just have named after a place songs. I love Pascal so if I give this a low score he might be upset. 8/10
Forest Kingdom
It really… the forest huh. Random but one of the songs in Code Vein does a vocal thing that always reminds me of this song for some reason. That has nothing to do with this game or this songs title at all I just wanted to tell you. Long Live The Forest King / 10
Dark Colossus – Kaiju
This song is also in Gestalt. It’s cooler here. More stakes. Song title suggests less stakes though? That’s kinda weird. Because of this it loses points. I’m sorry. 7/10
Copied City
Dude I left this one off the list when I first typed it out lol. Someone not to @ anyone told me this was based on Nier’s village. Lie to me again. I don’t know what City is being Copied. One of them. It reminds me more of the Cathedral City from DoD3. Which is a bad horrible game that I completed 100%. 8/10
Wretched Weaponry
Not to be confused with Wretched Automatons. Is this like, a remix? My ears don’t work so I don’t know. Don’t inform me because I love being stupid. Anyway, in the narrative it makes sense. It’s a good, cool title. Song is softer than the title would suggest. 9/10
Possessed by Disease
COOL SONG TITLE. Thank you. This plays… somewhere. Uh. Hm. I’ve 100% completed this game like three times. 9/10
Broken Heart
You think you’re gonna hear a sad song? SURPRISE. Sinister as hellllll. Subverted expectations baby. MCU take notes. I’ve never seen a movie in the MCU. Loving the dark tones in this. Broken heart but the emotion isn’t just sad. GOOD STUFF. 10/10
Mourning
Again. You think it’s gonna be sad? But BOOM. It isn’t. I mean it still is, but in a dark way. These aren’t song reviews. These are title reviews. But if a title suggests one thing and delivers another that’s still a valid point right? I don’t know. Hey wait isn’t this just Shadowlord’s Castle? Yonah / 10
Dependent Weakling
Well, it’s no Song of the Ancients – Fate, but it’ll do. In all seriousness, this is like, a great song title for Eve’s boss battle. Y’know, because he relied so heavily on Adam and all’a that. Maybe a little on the nose. Maybe a little rude. Eve sucks / 10
Rebirth & Hope
Sounds hopeful. Plays during ending A where we see a Rebirth cos 9S super doesn’t die. This song is literally 30 seconds long why am I even bothering. Oh, right, because it’s on the OST at all. 30 second songs / 10
War & War
Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the war room. It… sounds like a war room song. A preparing for a big battle song. Once again, exactly as advertised. Plays before a big battle. It really thematic naming! Peace was never an option. 8/10
Crumbling Lies
Words cannot express how much I adore this song. First of all, title is on point. It’s the song that plays when you get to Route C. Literally the moment I fell in love with the game. The Bunker is destroyed, which, again… maybe it’s a bit on the nose. I don’t care. This is the perfect song title to the perfect song. I will die on this hill. 12/10
Widespread Illness
Red Eye except it’s robots now. Very thematically appropriate. Everyone is dying. There’s nothing you can do to cure it except kill them. They’re incredibly infectious. Zombie Virus but with Robots. Can you tell I don’t remember what it’s called? I’m writing this at 1am and I’ve decided it’s funnier if I don’t look anything up. Sounds very somber… I like it. 9/10
Fortress of Lies
Not to be dramatic but when I read this English title I was like MMMMMMMNNN because like. I get it. It plays in the Bunker. Which… is built on lies. Again. Incredibly on the nose but when I learned what the song was called I just fucking DIED the first time. I’m stupid. I don’t care. 11/10
Song of the Ancients – Atonement
Another song I died when I learned the title of. Devola and Popola in that game have nothing to atone for. They are atoning for sing they did not commit. Punished for the crimes of another set of Androids, possibly thousands of miles away. It’s not fair. They have nothing to atone for. They’ve done nothing wrong. 12/10 crying creeps.
Blissful Death
FUCK. This one plays in the Devola and Popola like. Text Adventure part. Which is just. I love it so much. No one dies in that though. Well… maybe someone does. It’s not impossible that Popola hurt someone. It’s suggested that, maaaaybe she did. No one stops. No one Stops.
Emil – Despair
Emil’s life has quite literally only been despair. Please don’t bully him with your song titles like this… 9/10
Alien Manifestation
Vintage meme of that guy from the history channel with the impact font that just says Aliens. This game has aliens, I will give you that. They’re all dead though. I guess the machines are aliens but. Eh. Wait doesn’t this play in the castle? There aren’t even aliens there what the fuck. 5/10
The Tower
There’s a tower. This plays there. Thank you. Also the name of a tarot card I think? That could be cool if I knew a single goddamn thing about tarot cards. I don’t. 6/10
Bipolar Nightmare
Cool flying section. Has anyone found Grun skip yet? Because the bounty for that was like. A lot of money. Vaguely a cool song title. I kinda like it. Although for some reason it reminds me of The Evil Within’s Japanese title, Psychobreak. So I think I like it less because of that. Not the worst title, but maybe the lowest of the COOL EDGY song titles. Fucking love the piano part in this one though. 7/10
The Sound of the End
Really super cool and sexy song title. 2B is going to die but she can’t let anyone else get hurt because of it. She’s already done so much damage. This song is really dramatic sounding. The title is dramatic. Love this one a lot. The actual playable segment is kind of a struggle. But I think that’s the point… 10/10
Weight of the World / End of YoRHa
I once got into an internet fight because I said this song is about every character except 9S because of the line “I’m only one girl”. I was corrected that the Japanese version is basically EXCLUSIVELY about 9S. None of this is relevant at all I just wanted to remember it. I still do not like 9S. Thematically a brilliant title. Everyone feels like they must do so much… but you cannot bear the weight of the world alone. Ending E legitimately makes me cry. Whenever I think about the messages from other players supporting me? It’s a lot. What the fuck. 12/10
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
In HW will we ever see something Historically funny, like Taehyung , Y/N parents coming to visit without notice and them scurrying to clean up just in general... lol
Hahaha I love that idea. Let me write a little drabble right now. (I know you said clean up in general but I thought it would be funnier if they were in the middle of something...)
Warning: smut, somehow morphed into angst I’M SORRY
.
The island kitchen counter is Taehyung’s favourite place to eat you out. And despite the hard slab of marble pressed cold against your back rather than the soft cushion of your mattress, the scandalousness of the location, so out in the open without the shelter of walls, makes it arguably your favourite too.
Splayed out on the counter, your legs swung over his shoulders, his hair is the only thing you can grip on in the absence of bed sheets. And he loves it.
“Fuck, Taehyung, keep going, I’m close.”
You feel him smirk against your cunt, the rhythm of his tongue hitting your clit quickening. Your eyes are screwed shut, lips stinging from his biting. This orgasm is going to be spectacular, you can tell.
Ding dong.
The pit of your stomach drops when you hear the familiar sound of the doorbell.
Taehyung’s face resurfaces from between your legs, eyes wide at the interruption. “Delivery?” He asks, wiping his sheen-coated mouth.
“Hmm, could be my clothes.” You purse your lips in annoyance. You were this close.
In a careless hurry, you forgo your panties on the floor and put your sweatpants on, and you silently thank that Taehyung was too impatient to take your top off before devouring you. Shirtless, he lounges back on the stool, spinning it to face the door, probably to death stare the delivery boy. Though, even without the death stare, his massive boner poking out his checkered pyjama bottoms would send the guy running.
When you swing the door open, your heart stops beating.
“Sweetie, hi!”
Oh fuck.
You hear Taehyung stagger off the stool behind you.
“M-mum? Dad? H-hi. What are you… doing here?” You forget how to breath when your parents pull you into a bone-crushing embrace. This pigeon-shit luck of yours will get you killed one day.
“We were just in the area since we were having brunch with Meredith. You remember Auntie Meredith? She looked after you that one weekend your dad and I went to France when you were eight? So we’d just thought to pop by and say hi.” You don’t know who the fuck Meredith is, nor do you care. Because your parents are currently pushing pass you into your house, where a completely horrified Taehyung is scrambling around the island counter so his boner isn’t full on display to your parents.
When your eyes meet his, you can’t tell who is panically more internally.
“Taehyung!” Your father greets, eyes scanning the poor boy’s stark chest. “Wow, look at you!”
You could say that Taehyung is pretty well-acquainted with your parents, though you would rather them not be this overly friendly with your roommate. He’s usually good with your folks, joking around with them, especially if the subject of conversation is you. But right now… A bead of sweat trickles down his cheek.
“H-hi, Y/D’s/N. Er, it’s nice to see you.” Arms crossed to preserve his modesty, Taehyung stutters. With your previous activity still fresh in your mind, you think you can just about dissolve into a puddle of embarrassment. Had they heard you moaning? Oh my god...
“Jeez, Taehyung, it’s been a while! Where’s your shirt? Don’t get me flustered now.” Fanning her face, your mum jokes. She likes to make it blatantly obvious how attractive Taehyung is, and it makes you want to pull your hair out.
“Right, sorry, we weren’t expecting you. We just woke- I just woke up. I’ll go put something on right now, give me a second.” Your eyes meet as he flees the scene, and you give him a lethal daggering glare for leaving you to fend for yourself.
The sensual ache between your legs has completely vanished, replaced with that throat-constricting feeling of dread. It’s not that you’re not happy to see your parents - you are - just not right now of all times.
“Surprised, sweetie?” You mum fawns over you, fingers combing through the tangles in your hair while your dad surveys your messy place.
“Very surprised, mum. Pleasantly, of course.” You force a sickly sweet smile at her, mouth dry with guilt. If only she knew the filth you had been up to with Taehyung. He had kept you up all night last night, which is why you only got out of bed at noon. And even so, he still wanted to eat you out for breakfast.
Your eyes follow your father’s tacitly judgemental gaze, no doubt preparing to scold you on your disorganisation. It doesn’t take more than a minute to wash up a goddamn mug! You can practically hear him say. Then your eyes land on your thong on the floor.
Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
“Are you even listening, Y/N?” Your mother chides. “I said, Taehyung is really quite handsome, don’t you think?”
“Yes, yes, mum, of course.” Without paying attention to her words, you answer.
The black lace underwear lies rather inconspicuously by the corner of the counter. From a fleeting glance, it could pass off as a discarded sock. But knowing your father, knowing how his scrutinizing eyes never fails to find every single flaw, there is no chance he will miss it. He is pacing on the other side of the counter, a few steps away from reaching it; and you’re standing a good five metres away, you won’t be able to hide it without being obvious. Doomed.
Just then, Taehyung emerges from his room, a creased t-shirt thrown over his head, hair still sticking out in places where you were tugging. Your eyes immediate travel to examine his bulge, which is less prominent than before, confirming that the poor throbbing thing is tucked under the band of his boxers.
“Taehyung!” Your mother flocks over to him, clutching his arm too enthusiastically. “We were just talking about you. You’ve grown out your hair! It looks great on you!”
Your dad stops pacing on the other side of the counter, and you let out of breath of relief as your underwear remains hidden under the counter. In two strides, you bend over to pick it up and stuff it in your sweats while the attention is diverted to Taehyung.
“Thank you. Y/N wouldn’t let me cut it, she said she likes it long.” Taehyung chuckles nervously, glancing over at you. Your eyes narrow at his innuendo. Intentional? Probably not, he’s way too freaked out right now.
“Come on, it does look better long and permed, doesn’t it?” Though your voice resumes its regular tone, your heartbeat has yet to calm. Your parents absolutely cannot find out about you and Taehyung. From the fact that you have not had a single boyfriend in your life and how repulsed you act every time they ask about men in your life, they probably think that you are a virgin. You’d rather keep that pristine image of yourself.
“Taehyung looks good either way.” You roll your eyes as your mum pats Taehyung’s cheeks fondly, and the pleased grin it coaxes from him. Too smug.
“Thanks, Y/M’s/N.”
“So,” your dad crosses his arms and leans onto the island, “What's up with you two lately?” So the interrogation has begun.
“What do you mean how have we been?” You bristle. “We’re fine, still great friends. Why would anything be up with us?” Taehyung bites the inside of his cheeks at your response. Great friends, indeed.
“Hey now, I meant how have you guys been, Miss Sensitive.” Taken aback by your defensiveness, you dad chuckles.
Right... You clamp down on your lip. You should shut up before you give anything away.
“Yeah, Taehyung, you got a girlfriend?” Your mother’s brows raise suggestively. Oh god, not this again.
“Mum-”
“Nah, no girlfriend.” Taehyung shakes his head shyly, scratching the back of his head.
“Really? Oh why not!? I’m sure girls are lining up to be with you!”
You’re about to drag your mother off Taehyung when you actually consider her question. Why doesn’t Taehyung have a girlfriend? It’s not like he’s really sleeping around nowadays anyway. And though he never expresses it to you, since it would probably be weird, he is definitely the type to be pining for a girlfriend at heart.
When you glance at him, his cheeks are tinted, eyes searching the floor frantically. “I don’t know… I guess I’m just… Not really actively looking for a serious relationship right now? I’m happy with the way things are currently with my life.”
You’re not sure why you feel as though his words are aimed at you and your situation. Are you overthinking? Or is he saying that he doesn't want anything to change between you? Not that you want anything more, god no, you just… Maybe a selfish greedy part of you hopes to keep Taehyung all for yourself.
“Psh, yeah right, that’s what I used to tell myself, buddy.” Your dad chimes in, and you’d just wish he would dial his abrasive tone down a little. You've definitely taken after your father. Good thing he likes Taehyung, or the savagery would show its claws. “Trust me, you’ll want a girl sooner or later.”
“Exactly. And I know you’ll kick me out for this, sweetie, but you two would make a great couple. Why not just give it a go?”
Taehyung has gone completely stiff. You can’t believe what your mother is saying. This isn’t the first time she has urged you to date Taehyung. He’s good looking, a nice guy, makes you laugh. Y/N, why not? Why not? Because- Because…
“Mum! You’re right.” Her face lights up. “I’m definitely kicking you out. Please, we’ll have dinner this weekend. But we’re busy right now. Goodbye.”
As you usher your parents to the door despite their protests, you purposely avoid Taehyung’s eye, sensing the heat rush profusely to your face. “Wait but, Y/N-”
“Taehyung and I are best friends. I’m not going to be his girlfriend, we’re happy right now. Okay?”
Strangely, when you slam the door after your parents, it feels as though you’re trapping yourself with the very problem you wish not to face, rather than having banished it. Cheeks bashfully red, Taehyung doesn’t say anything when you approach him, muttering your apologies on behalf of your parents.
His mouth opens, and shuts.
You’re glad that he stays quiet, glad that he doesn’t disagree with what you said. Because you don’t know you would handle knowing that Taehyung wants something more.
.
Unedited and rushed and sporadic and kinda shit sorry
#heatwave#heatwave drabble#ask: Heatwave#taehyung#taehyung smut#taehyung angst#bts#bts taehyung#bts smut
127 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why Women Aren’t Funny
BY CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
JANUARY 1, 2007
Be your gender what it may, you will certainly have heard the following from a female friend who is enumerating the charms of a new (male) squeeze: “He’s really quite cute, and he’s kind to my friends, and he knows all kinds of stuff, and he’s so funny . . . “ (If you yourself are a guy, and you know the man in question, you will often have said to yourself, “Funny? He wouldn’t know a joke if it came served on a bed of lettuce with sauce béarnaise.”) However, there is something that you absolutely never hear from a male friend who is hymning his latest (female) love interest: “She’s a real honey, has a life of her own . . . [interlude for attributes that are none of your business] . . . and, man, does she ever make ‘em laugh.”
Now, why is this? Why is it the case?, I mean. Why are women, who have the whole male world at their mercy, not funny? Please do not pretend not to know what I am talking about.
All right—try it the other way (as the bishop said to the barmaid). Why are men, taken on average and as a whole, funnier than women? Well, for one thing, they had damn well better be. The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men. In fact, she equips many fellows with very little armament for the struggle. An average man has just one, outside chance: he had better be able to make the lady laugh. Making them laugh has been one of the crucial preoccupations of my life. If you can stimulate her to laughter—I am talking about that real, out-loud, head-back, mouth-open-to-expose-the-full-horseshoe-of-lovely-teeth, involuntary, full, and deep-throated mirth; the kind that is accompanied by a shocked surprise and a slight (no, make that a loud) peal of delight—well, then, you have at least caused her to loosen up and to change her expression. I shall not elaborate further.
Women have no corresponding need to appeal to men in this way. They already appeal to men, if you catch my drift. Indeed, we now have all the joy of a scientific study, which illuminates the difference. At the Stanford University School of Medicine (a place, as it happens, where I once underwent an absolutely hilarious procedure with a sigmoidoscope), the grim-faced researchers showed 10 men and 10 women a sample of 70 black-and-white cartoons and got them to rate the gags on a “funniness scale.” To annex for a moment the fall-about language of the report as it was summarized in Biotech Week:
The researchers found that men and women share much of the same humor-response system; both use to a similar degree the part of the brain responsible for semantic knowledge and juxtaposition and the part involved in language processing. But they also found that some brain regions were activated more in women. These included the left prefrontal cortex, suggesting a greater emphasis on language and executive processing in women, and the nucleus accumbens . . . which is part of the mesolimbic reward center.
This has all the charm and address of the learned Professor Scully’s attempt to define a smile, as cited by Richard Usborne in his treatise on P. G. Wodehouse: “the drawing back and slight lifting of the corners of the mouth, which partially uncover the teeth; the curving of the naso-labial furrows . . . “ But have no fear—it gets worse:
“Women appeared to have less expectation of a reward, which in this case was the punch line of the cartoon,” said the report’s author, Dr. Allan Reiss. “So when they got to the joke’s punch line, they were more pleased about it.” The report also found that “women were quicker at identifying material they considered unfunny.”
Slower to get it, more pleased when they do, and swift to locate the unfunny—for this we need the Stanford University School of Medicine? And remember, this is women when confronted with humor. Is it any wonder that they are backward in generating it?
This is not to say that women are humorless, or cannot make great wits and comedians. And if they did not operate on the humor wavelength, there would be scant point in half killing oneself in the attempt to make them writhe and scream (uproariously). Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence. Men will laugh at almost anything, often precisely because it is—or they are—extremely stupid. Women aren’t like that. And the wits and comics among them are formidable beyond compare: Dorothy Parker, Nora Ephron, Fran Lebowitz, Ellen DeGeneres. (Though ask yourself, was Dorothy Parker ever really funny?) Greatly daring—or so I thought—I resolved to call up Ms. Lebowitz and Ms. Ephron to try out my theories. Fran responded: “The cultural values are male; for a woman to say a man is funny is the equivalent of a man saying that a woman is pretty. Also, humor is largely aggressive and pre-emptive, and what’s more male than that?” Ms. Ephron did not disagree. She did, however, in what I thought was a slightly feline way, accuse me of plagiarizing a rant by Jerry Lewis that said much the same thing. (I have only once seen Lewis in action, in The King of Comedy, where it was really Sandra Bernhard who was funny.)
In any case, my argument doesn’t say that there are no decent women comedians. There are more terrible female comedians than there are terrible male comedians, but there are some impressive ladies out there. Most of them, though, when you come to review the situation, are hefty or dykey or Jewish, or some combo of the three. When Roseanne stands up and tells biker jokes and invites people who don’t dig her shtick to suck her dick—know what I am saying? And the Sapphic faction may have its own reasons for wanting what I want—the sweet surrender of female laughter. While Jewish humor, boiling as it is with angst and self-deprecation, is almost masculine by definition.
Substitute the term “self-defecation” (which I actually heard being used inadvertently once) and almost all men will laugh right away, if only to pass the time. Probe a little deeper, though, and you will see what Nietzsche meant when he described a witticism as an epitaph on the death of a feeling. Male humor prefers the laugh to be at someone’s expense, and understands that life is quite possibly a joke to begin with—and often a joke in extremely poor taste. Humor is part of the armor-plate with which to resist what is already farcical enough. (Perhaps not by coincidence, battered as they are by motherfucking nature, men tend to refer to life itself as a bitch.) Whereas women, bless their tender hearts, would prefer that life be fair, and even sweet, rather than the sordid mess it actually is. Jokes about calamitous visits to the doctor or the shrink or the bathroom, or the venting of sexual frustration on furry domestic animals, are a male province. It must have been a man who originated the phrase “funny like a heart attack.” In all the millions of cartoons that feature a patient listening glum-faced to a physician (“There’s no cure. There isn’t even a race for a cure”), do you remember even one where the patient is a woman? I thought as much.
Precisely because humor is a sign of intelligence (and many women believe, or were taught by their mothers, that they become threatening to men if they appear too bright), it could be that in some way men do not want women to be funny. They want them as an audience, not as rivals. And there is a huge, brimming reservoir of male unease, which it would be too easy for women to exploit. (Men can tell jokes about what happened to John Wayne Bobbitt, but they don’t want women doing so.) Men have prostate glands, hysterically enough, and these have a tendency to give out, along with their hearts and, it has to be said, their dicks. This is funny only in male company. For some reason, women do not find their own physical decay and absurdity to be so riotously amusing, which is why we admire Lucille Ball and Helen Fielding, who do see the funny side of it. But this is so rare as to be like Dr. Johnson’s comparison of a woman preaching to a dog walking on its hind legs: the surprise is that it is done at all.
The plain fact is that the physical structure of the human being is a joke in itself: a flat, crude, unanswerable disproof of any nonsense about “intelligent design.” The reproductive and eliminating functions (the closeness of which is the origin of all obscenity) were obviously wired together in hell by some subcommittee that was giggling cruelly as it went about its work. (“Think they’d wear this? Well, they’re gonna have to.”) The resulting confusion is the source of perhaps 50 percent of all humor. Filth. That’s what the customers want, as we occasional stand-up performers all know. Filth, and plenty of it. Filth in lavish, heaping quantities. And there’s another principle that helps exclude the fair sex. “Men obviously like gross stuff,” says Fran Lebowitz. “Why? Because it’s childish.” Keep your eye on that last word. Women’s appetite for talk about that fine product known as Depend is limited. So is their relish for gags about premature ejaculation. (“Premature for whom?” as a friend of mine indignantly demands to know.) But “child” is the key word. For women, reproduction is, if not the only thing, certainly the main thing. Apart from giving them a very different attitude to filth and embarrassment, it also imbues them with the kind of seriousness and solemnity at which men can only goggle. This womanly seriousness was well caught by Rudyard Kipling in his poem “The Female of the Species.” After cleverly noticing that with the male “mirth obscene diverts his anger”—which is true of most work on that great masculine equivalent to childbirth, which is warfare—Kipling insists:
But the Woman that God gave him,
every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue,
armed and engined for the same,
And to serve that single issue,
lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be
deadlier than the male.
The word “issue” there, which we so pathetically misuse, is restored to its proper meaning of childbirth. As Kipling continues:
She who faces Death by torture for
each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must
not swerve for fact or jest.
Men are overawed, not to say terrified, by the ability of women to produce babies. (Asked by a lady intellectual to summarize the differences between the sexes, another bishop responded, “Madam, I cannot conceive.”) It gives women an unchallengeable authority. And one of the earliest origins of humor that we know about is its role in the mockery of authority. Irony itself has been called “the glory of slaves.” So you could argue that when men get together to be funny and do not expect women to be there, or in on the joke, they are really playing truant and implicitly conceding who is really the boss.
The ancient annual festivities of Saturnalia, where the slaves would play master, were a temporary release from bossdom. A whole tranche of subversive male humor likewise depends on the notion that women are not really the boss, but are mere objects and victims. Kipling saw through this:
So it comes that Man, the coward,
when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council,
dare not leave a place for her.
In other words, for women the question of funniness is essentially a secondary one. They are innately aware of a higher calling that is no laughing matter. Whereas with a man you may freely say of him that he is lousy in the sack, or a bad driver, or an inefficient worker, and still wound him less deeply than you would if you accused him of being deficient in the humor department.
If I am correct about this, which I am, then the explanation for the superior funniness of men is much the same as for the inferior funniness of women. Men have to pretend, to themselves as well as to women, that they are not the servants and supplicants. Women, cunning minxes that they are, have to affect not to be the potentates. This is the unspoken compromise. H. L. Mencken described as “the greatest single discovery ever made by man” the realization “that babies have human fathers, and are not put into their mother’s bodies by the gods.” You may well wonder what people were thinking before that realization hit, but we do know of a society in Melanesia where the connection was not made until quite recently. I suppose that the reasoning went: everybody does that thing the entire time, there being little else to do, but not every woman becomes pregnant. Anyway, after a certain stage women came to the conclusion that men were actually necessary, and the old form of matriarchy came to a close. (Mencken speculates that this is why the first kings ascended the throne clutching their batons or scepters as if holding on for grim death.) People in this precarious position do not enjoy being laughed at, and it would not have taken women long to work out that female humor would be the most upsetting of all.
Childbearing and rearing are the double root of all this, as Kipling guessed. As every father knows, the placenta is made up of brain cells, which migrate southward during pregnancy and take the sense of humor along with them. And when the bundle is finally delivered, the funny side is not always immediately back in view. Is there anything so utterly lacking in humor as a mother discussing her new child? She is unboreable on the subject. Even the mothers of other fledglings have to drive their fingernails into their palms and wiggle their toes, just to prevent themselves from fainting dead away at the sheer tedium of it. And as the little ones burgeon and thrive, do you find that their mothers enjoy jests at their expense? I thought not.
Humor, if we are to be serious about it, arises from the ineluctable fact that we are all born into a losing struggle. Those who risk agony and death to bring children into this fiasco simply can’t afford to be too frivolous. (And there just aren’t that many episiotomy jokes, even in the male repertoire.) I am certain that this is also partly why, in all cultures, it is females who are the rank-and-file mainstay of religion, which in turn is the official enemy of all humor. One tiny snuffle that turns into a wheeze, one little cut that goes septic, one pathetically small coffin, and the woman’s universe is left in ashes and ruin. Try being funny about that, if you like. Oscar Wilde was the only person ever to make a decent joke about the death of an infant, and that infant was fictional, and Wilde was (although twice a father) a queer. And because fear is the mother of superstition, and because they are partly ruled in any case by the moon and the tides, women also fall more heavily for dreams, for supposedly significant dates like birthdays and anniversaries, for romantic love, crystals and stones, lockets and relics, and other things that men know are fit mainly for mockery and limericks. Good grief! Is there anything less funny than hearing a woman relate a dream she’s just had? (“And then Quentin was there somehow. And so were you, in a strange sort of way. And it was all so peaceful.” Peaceful?)
For men, it is a tragedy that the two things they prize the most—women and humor—should be so antithetical. But without tragedy there could be no comedy. My beloved said to me, when I told her I was going to have to address this melancholy topic, that I should cheer up because “women get funnier as they get older.” Observation suggests to me that this might indeed be true, but, excuse me, isn’t that rather a long time to have to wait?
From Vanity Fair
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
All Good Things… A Time to Listen.
#Blog #Bloggerstribe #allgoodthings...
4th June 2020
Hello, Chaps and Chapettes,
Old Scaramouche here with another thirty seconds to write about whatever might be on my mind. Here it is, my mindless thoughts with what matters most to me and what I care about…
Do you get bored of hearing somebody talk about themselves all the time? You probably get it from a colleague, a friend, a family member. Maybe all three! Maybe you can’t think of anyone, which probably means you’re the one everyone thinks ‘gosh, I wish they thought about me for once!’ But don’t worry too much about it, it isn’t really a bad thing.
Let’s start with the reassurance. You’re probably not selfish. You probably give a damn about everyone you know, otherwise, you wouldn’t really have taken the time to get to know them, unless you have an ulterior motive. If that’s why you’re ‘befriending’ someone then I cannot help you, sorry, you’re screwed.
I’m kidding around but seriously if you think ‘I like that person because I get this or that from them’ and not ‘I like this person because I just do’ then re-evaluate your mission, soldier! Those paths don’t lead anywhere except a very lonely place.
For everyone else not getting that forewarning, seriously, don’t worry about having a lot to say about yourself when you meet up with people, especially those you’ve not seen for a long time. It’s natural to want to tell people about your achievements and your losses because as a species humanity thrives on sharing. It may not seem like it when you hear tales of fellow humans not being ‘who Mr. Rogers believed we could be’ but we literally get boosts of hormones that make us feel good when we have positive interactions.
(Photo: Rogers with one of the show’s regulars, François Clemmons. Photograph: Alamy)
Think about it. It always feels good when somebody listens to you, especially when they respond with questions. That shows that they’re also learning from you, and that they care, and want to know more, sometimes even help. Knowing you are making a connection that will improve a relationship for the future is an extremely gratifying experience. Yet, that is also why you must not simply tell your side of things, but hear others out and ask how their lives are going too.
If you read back a couple of days ago, I spoke about how difficult it is to be funny and a few ways you can be funnier. When someone tells a joke or a funny story or observation, one way to make that person feel good and to show them that you listened is to double down on that joke. For example, one could be telling a story about a close encounter with a bear, and add ‘I guess I didn’t have the right to BEAR arms!’ This could prompt a response, ‘at least it wasn’t a GRIZZLY end!’
It’s not just cheesy, it’s immature cheese we have here, yet the response would turn that first bad joke into a bonding experience, and both people feel good by sharing it. This is why, whenever you get a chance, you should ensure that you learn at least one or two things about someone whenever you meet up. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but by proving you aren’t just preaching the church of your life to the world, whether they want to hear it or not, and care about what is going on outside of your bubble, you’re taking an active step to make a change.
Hopefully, I’ll get two final points across in the last eight minutes I have to write - the first is this. Sometimes, questions can put people on the spot. ‘How was your day?’ is nice to hear, but generic, ‘what can you tell me?’ is great, and open, but sometimes so far open that people haven’t got a clue how to answer it. Still ask these things, but if you see someone floundering, trying shortening it to something that might help. Here’s a suggestion;
“What’s the most awesome thing that happened to you this week, and what was the most rubbish thing to happen?” Sure, that last bit seems negative, and if you do not know the person really well you might want to avoid that bit. However, what people often find is that they can pick out negatives a lot easier than positives, and just getting something bad off of their chest can be a good thing. Just be careful how and when you use it and be more specific depending on what you know about the person. Take a runner, for example, you could ask them what was the hardest bit this week and where they went or what they achieved that made them feel good in the end.
With two minutes remaining, my last point is this. There’s a big calling at the moment to listen to people. People who are in danger, who need help, who have needed it for a long time and are finally getting their words spoken. If you see this, then it is a good idea to listen. You may not agree, you may feel you have more important words to say but try this. Think back to your first weeks at school. If you’d spoken over your teacher every single day, how little would you have learned that you rely on now?
Then ask yourself, is this any different? The answer is yours and yours alone.
Thank you for reading, for supporting, and for being strong.
All good things,
Love, Scaramouche.
x
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Xayah x Fem!Reader - Vastayan Goodbye [ENG]
word count: 615
requested: yes! by anon: “ can you do angst xayah x female reader? i mean i am kinda tearful and want to read sth like that // you dont need to do it if you don't want to!” ~ of course I wanted to. ^^
warning: kinda suggestive content, but not worthy tagging as dirtyhacker I guess?
A/N: I had a bad day when I wrote it, honey, and I was all day on mobile, and even though it won't be much... I'll try. Ok? Be safe. It might be short but it's a fanfic I rushed on.
I don’t think Xayah would canonically do “that”, but people do many things unexpectiedly, when stressed or in despair. I love Xayah and I love her with Rakan, it’s for angst purposes!
You knew how Xayah was a busy woman.
You also knew, who she is as a person, what she’s doing and with who.
You were the only human in this shitty revolution. Only you cared about it...and Xayah, of course.
What hurt the most? You knew, that you’re better than Rakan. Rakan doesn’t care in the slightest this whole play called ‘revolution - of course he wouldn’t. He cares about Xayah and Xayah only. Not her goal.
And you? You cared about her war as much, as she did. This stupid, pathetic, designated to be lost revolution meant for you that much because it meant for her. Xayah is ready to give up everything, her health or even life for her own people - Vastayas.
Every morning you wake up and remind yourself that this woman is taken. This woman is loving someone who isn’t you. Funnier thing is - you accepted that a long time ago, knowing that your crush doesn’t have any right to exist.
Then why one single fight with Rakan seemed to change everything?
Why, when you entered her tent, because of alcohol, she told you how everything was hard on her - not him, YOU.
Why was she this honest - admitting it WASN’T their first fight? Why would she like to rely on you?
Why after hearing her out, she kissed you with such passion, which made your knees weak? Why would she do that? Was she thinking about you earlier, before she got drunk, or you were just temporary replacement for Rakan, because he couldn’t be here with her?
Why did she look like she was so thirsty and so happy when she gently caressed your skin on stomach with her long nails? Why did even her big hands got under your shirt? What did she had in her head? Did she had ANYTHING in her head??
You perfectly knew why didn’t you let her do that. Because she was in relationship. A wife.
You perfectly knew it doesn’t make any sense, it doesn’t have any right.
Then why did she look so disappointed when you pushed her off?
- Xayah...I really do love you. That’s why I can’t do this.
- I don’t understand…
- What about Rakan?
- I don’t deserve him. I think he finally noticed. He started to distance himself from me.
- No, no...Xayah…
- Is it my fault? Am I too busy with work? Would he...cheat on me?
- No! Xayah, of course not, how could he! You’re the most gorgeous woman on this planet, and if he cannot follow your goal - he doesn’t deserve you. I demand that you take a break from time to time, take care of yourself. Don’t die on this war. Even if Vastayans would win it, what comes next? They need a leader, they need you. I need you, so please. Please…
You wanted to continue, but drunk Xayah grabbed your cheeks and kissed you deeply. Earlier you managed to stop her, but after you directly warned her about your feelings and reminding her of Rakan, you couldn’t do this again. This night gave you too much hope, because...could she love you? Human girl, who sacrificed her own life for Xayah’s case? Could you be that important for her?
The answer is - no.
Xayah sobered up, Rakan gave her very intense, built up “sorry” speech, which she accepted, treating you with cold shoulder.
This coldness was freezing you slowly. You were only there for a moment. Every question “Could…” got it’s answer, but any of “Why…”’s didn’t. And you worry they will never find any.
You’re only left with hope that she’ll survive her war with Ionia…
And hope that you won’t.
#hacker writes#league of legends#league of legends xayah#league of legends rakan#angst#xayah the rebel#rakan the charmer#xayah x reder#league of legends xayah x reader#lol xayah x reader
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
5 Lessons I learned from Working at a Daycare
Hello, friends!
Yesterday was my last shift at my summer daycare job. Overall, I am very grateful for the experience of working there. Some days were not very fun, but I learned a lot, and I just thought I would share some of the most important (and funny) lessons from my time spent there.
So if anyone is interested in working with kids, or wants to have kids of their own, I think these will be valuable lessons for the most part!
1) The kids you work with can either make or break the daycare experience
This one is pretty obvious, but I feel it needs to be said. You wouldn’t think that a single, poorly behaved child would turn your work day into a nightmare, but it is possible and has happened to me. On the flip side, when certain children are not in attendance, the day can flow like an absolute dream! Everyone listens, no one throws a tantrum, the kids are respectful, etc. Those days were my favourite, and it’s a shame it couldn’t happen every single day. I’ve had a full spectrum of different children, to kids who behaved like perfect angels with the best manners I’ve ever seen, to kids who are violently aggressive towards both other kids AND teachers. I think it’s important to remember that violent children are not inherently “bad”, but at the same time, when they are not in attendance, the day tends to run much smoother.
2) Kids can make you laugh and make you cry
Fortunately for me, I only cried once during my whole time working at the daycare. I’m lucky that it wasn’t a case of being harassed or abused by a child in my care because I know that has happened to some of my co-workers. Basically, a child got injured right in front of me before I could stop it from happening. She was hurt pretty bad and would not stop crying/screaming. Fortunately, one of my co-workers took over to help with the injury while I started to fill out the mandatory incident report. When I was writing the report I just started to cry and I couldn’t stop. I just felt so bad for the girl and I wish there was something I could have done to help her sooner. Two of my amazing co-workers gave me some supportive words, and five minutes later the girl was playing and it was like she had completely forgotten about getting hurt. Needless to say I was very relieved.
As I’m pretty sure most of you know, kids can say some ridiculously funny things (see: random daycare stories 1-3). These are the moments that make daycare work worthwhile, because nothing is funnier than hearing a very random/ridiculous comment and having it brighten up your whole day.
3) Get used to gross tasks!
If you’re someone who gets squeamish at the sight of bodily fluids/functions, I might suggest an alternative career path.
Prior to this job, I had never changed a diaper before. It always seemed really complicated for some reason and I just never had a chance to learn. However, now at the end of the summer, I’ve changed so many diapers it doesn’t even phase me. I might not be the quickest at it, but I can now do it properly and without feeling grossed out.
Apart from this, I won’t get into details or anything but I’ve done some pretty icky things during my work haha you just kind of get used to gross things after a while. Although that being said, I still don’t like the sight of runny noses.
4) Don’t forget about self-care
Most of the time (like 90% of the time), daycare work can be chaotic. If there’s 20+ kids playing in one room, it can be really hard to speak or even think. That being said, it is also extremely easy to forget that you need to use the washroom, or that you haven’t eaten in 3 hours. While there may be some moments where you literally cannot leave the room (if other staff or busy), please remember that your self-care is extremely important and you need to look after yourself too. If you aren’t performing at your best, you won’t be able to supervise the children effectively.
5) Daycare work is not for everyone
I cannot stress this enough. I think it takes a very particular type of person to not only deal with multiple kids five days a week, but also accomplish the daily tasks that go along with daycare work (cleaning, laundry, making snacks, etc.).
I’ve prepared something of a checklist for those who might be interested in working with kids. Someone who works in a daycare needs to be:
- Patient, like...SUPER patient and understanding with kids
- Able to diffuse conflicts between children in a calm, mature way
- Caring, gentle, and empathetic
- Unafraid of disciplining children (verbally) and confronting problematic behavior
- Someone who genuinely loves being around kids. Like, don’t say that you do when you actually don’t.
- Someone who isn’t afraid to be silly when playing with kids (they love it!)
And there you have it, folks!
I will be happy if I was able to bestow at least a bit of wisdom onto someone. Keep in mind that I am by no means an expert in early childhood education, all of these tips and points come purely from my experience working in a daycare this summer.
It’s a bittersweet resignation for sure, I will miss most of these kids dearly. I’m sure I will see them again someday!
Sorry this was a bit longer than I intended, thank you for reading!
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
alright I have so much to fucking say about the first episode of revue starlight, I’ve actually seen it 3 goddamn times now which is basically unheard of for me with anime. Even with shows I really like I still don’t go back and rewatch the first episode multiple times, basically I’m losing my fucking mind over this show so there’s gonna be a bunch of rambles under the cut
First of all I’d like to reiterate just how much I think the utena vibe works for this show and adds to it. I’ve been thinking for years how we need a new modern utena like show and this one uses it to perfect effect. It’s got the whole vibe of utena but it’s less obtuse and they took out every single guy and replaced them with cute girls and that could totally not be your thing and that’s fine but for me that’s just a combo pack that I cannot resist. The style also just really works for the kind of story that it seems like they’re trying to tell and as of right now it has so much potential and room to grow.
Just like with utena it looks like these “duels” that they do are symbolic on some level. As of right now the obvious one is that they are literally competing and fighting for the honor of being the best and for things like theater and idols that’s a huge, important part of that work. Besides that I could think of a bunch of other things they could also be symbolic for (god knows if they’ll go the utena route and have some sex symbolism or not but it sure has a few suggestive moments so it’s possible) but I’d like to wait until we got a few more episodes before I start throwing out random ideas.
Moving on though, the line at the beginning where they say: “The tale of these 8 women captivates us” seems slightly worrisome after you realize that there are 9 of them and that Karen is missing from the establishing shot of all of them on the stairs. I don’t know if that’s meant to tell us something or if something will come later with that but when you take that line and then combine it with Karen’s super weird dream where Hikari seems like she’s trying to murder her and it gets a little scary. Normally I would say that there’s no way that means anything but with the way that this show is already playing with symbolism I really wouldn’t be surprised if it was foreshadowing. Also the fact that Karen and Hikari seem to be watching themselves as kids is kind of interesting and might play into something later as well.
Then we got Karen’s roommate Mahiru who very obviously has a crush on her and it’s cute and amusing.
this shot where Karen has her face firmly planted into Mahiru’s boobs and Mahiru doesn’t even look phased is 10,000% funnier after you realize that Mahiru is so fucking smitten with her.
I also wanna say that this scene just flows super well and is paced perfectly. They flow from each student to the next in a way that tells you a small tidbit about each of them and lets you get acquainted before smoothly rolling onto the next and it just makes it so much fun to watch.
I really like the way that all the fooling around stops too when Maya walks in, not only does her name give her away as this well to do lady but her voice and the way that she walks seems to command the room and gets everyone else to focus on the class that’s about to start, it’s a power move to say the least. Also the way Claudine especially seems to get fired up and the way those 2 interact throughout the rest of the episode, they got some weird sexual tension going on there, they probably got caught angrily making out in the locker room one day and never lived it down.
I really wanna know what this musical thing is about because it sounds so gay and they say that Claudine and Maya were the stars last year so that definitely means they’ve been angrily making out at some point, it’s canon now.
the way that Karen hangs on for dear life is so fucking funny, also super gay. I don’t know if it’s like training for her to hook her leg around her thigh but that’s also super gay and I love it.
After all that is the dream sequence which is probably my favorite scene in the entire episode. It’s too early to tell if this dream is like a premonition or what but my gf had an interesting theory that I’d like to share. They said that it’s possible that the dream was a test of sorts to decide who would be fit for the revue starlight and that Karen didn’t pass because she let herself be pushed off the tower by Hikari. There’s no way to tell if that’s true or not at this stage but it’s a cool thought so that’s something to think about.
this shot is probably my favorite in the entire episode though. It’s slow and lingering and that combined with the limited music and the strange buzzing noise like your ears are ringing makes the entire thing just stick in your brain to the point that I was thinking about it for hours after I first watched it. It’s also interesting that Karen doesn’t remember that she bought that barrette here until she’s pushed off and with the strange morbid atmosphere you really gotta wonder if it’s trying to tell you something.
The transition that leads you out of this scene is also perfect by the way, that text tone on a black background followed by the picture of a giraffe is so bizarre and because of that it leads you out of a strange dream sequence perfectly.
You also really gotta wonder if Junna knew about this whole underground revue starlight before she got that notification and if so who told her about it? The same with Hikari, who told her and why? and does anyone else know? that also leads you to the question of is this starlight thing going to land on the more symbolic side and they’ll barely talk about it outside of it or will it be discussed at length.
I’m really curious about what happened in Hikari and Karen’s past too. Hikari seems to be hiding a lot of demons and I want to know how much Karen has to do with it all. There’s definitely something to be said about how Hikari has kept that barrette all these years but to what ends we don’t know yet.
Then we got the revue starlight itself and holy shit is that beginning suggestive
I really wonder if that’s something they do in the actual starlight musical thing or if it’s just for this underground thing but it also makes you wonder if this really is going to go full on utena and this duels will be a sex metaphor as well. I’m not sure if the show is willing to go that far or not, utena did somehow get away with an onscreen sex scene so I guess anything can happen.
I would also really be down if the duels went utena in a different way in that they each represented the girls doing them and their struggles and lives and whatnot, again I’m not sure if it’ll go that direction but it would be interesting. Their weapons as well could possibly be representative of who they are, it’s honestly fascinating that Hikari as a dagger of all things and Karen gets the hero sword.
They also seem to be in real danger of serious injury or death with how that arrow barely misses Hikari’s skull and then later she’s thrown back hard enough to give her a concussion, so there are real stakes here and I love that.
I love that it doesn’t seem to matter that Karen wasn’t fit for this underground thing before by not being motivated to stand at the top, the fact that she proves herself here and now is much more telling of who she is as a person and is a huge testament to her worth and character. Also the fact that she jumped into action because it was Hikari and she was worried, that’s gay.
That whole transformation scene where she puts on that outfit was so utena and I loved it. Also loved that those outfits are very prince like and when I first saw Karen in it the first thing that came to mind was that she’s a handsome little prince, I dig that.
this shot that gets repeated from the dream sequence is so damn cool and that white text on a red background is also so damn cool and so utena and I’m fucking living.
while the nudity in the ending is definitely fanservice I also wouldn’t be surprised if it was symbolism in some way, which again it’s hard to know what kind since nudity can represent a whole bunch of things so who knows, a thought to keep in mind.
#and I think thats it#maybe#if I think of anything else I'll make a separate post#but god I love this show#thank fucking god for it#shoujo kageki revue starlight
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gintama Chapter 685 Review
youtube
I don’t know how much fuel I have left in my laugh box. Honestly, I’m amazed with Sorachi’s talent in comedy, even at this late of the stage. You wouldn’t think that we are in a final arc with a serious problem for these characters. We are deluded by a series of hilarity. This chapter had me rolling with laughter from hilarious twists and the cliffhanger that seriously got me really curious, just to see how this would end.
After the false death report of Binbokusai, his face is covered in mosaic for whatever reason. Supposedly, he’s being recorded for documentary. He monologues his life and his view on trash. He comes off like an old wise man that fulfilled his purpose within his family. It’s no wonder the last chapter had a mellow tone. The way he sees trash basically follows the concept, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” It’s simple and delightful; nice to see him moving forward to something he enjoys. Then hijinks ensue…
Till this day, Gintoki is still acting like a mannequin. I know he is hiding from his friends, but this is dedication level or even worse. It’s funny how Bin uses him as something that defeats the purpose or rather wrongfully used. It was fine with him putting a jacket that reads, “Third Generation,” a reference to a band, but out of nowhere, he uses him as a roach swatter. I believe I get the joke behind the Third Generation part. As dumb that was, he tops it with Hijikata, who still acts like a mannequin, and uses him as a replacement. Seriously, he doesn’t really need to act like one, but whatever I suppose. Funny he was written with “YouTuber.” Is this a message from Sorachi to us?
I completely lost it with the next page. Even the mightiest edgelord Takasugi is caught in the middle of this stupidity. I don’t even know how he was even buried in the garbage and still kept his cool face. Hijikata and Gintoki’s reaction just don’t cut it anymore; this is very dumbfounded. Someone has a grudge against the director since they suggest to write it on Takasugi in order to make it a target practice. I’m sorry, but I’m still baffled by the fact this edgelord is in this mess and I don’t mean the garbage.
He falls on Bin before any ridiculous stunt happens. I guess the edgelord knows his limit after all. It’s the perfect time for the other two to roll out and escape, but no, grudge runs deep when they went over there to beat up Bin. That or trying to free Takasugi, I don’t know which, but they’re pretty pissed off for a reason. Well, at least the documentary has ended. Can’t wait to see the complete version.
Finally, Gintoki stops playing as a mannequin. I was close to be convinced that Gintama is about mannequin. Funny how he channels the fans’ thought about Takasugi goofing around, even mocking his edgy characteristics. I love how this series is so self-aware and understands its fans. Then a twist happens and it turns out that guy is not him. He was wearing a wig.
Gintoki actually believe that Takasugi has gone bold. Wow, his reason to destroy the world is definitely reasonable. It’s even funnier that he asks him to shout out his catchphrase. I cannot believe this series is really mocking itself. But I got to say, it’s a shame that it wasn’t Takasugi in the first place. He threatened the guy to swap places and that guy took the role of a mannequin. Oh well, it’s understandable since Takasugi is too serious for that kind of stunt; even Hijikata thought the same.
Oh how dumb I am to underestimate Sorachi. Sure, Takasugi didn’t act like a mannequin, but he still pull a stupid tactic as he dressed up as a cartoon character out in the open. What’s even stupider is he is even wearing an eyepatch for the costume. Why?! This series is going to end me. Gintoki takes the wig from the guy to disguise as Takasugi or going by Nisesugi. Now we are in disguise arc. What a transition.
Not even a page in, he’s already stopped by someone. What the hell did he expect? He is the most wanted man on Edo. When I saw kunai, I thought it would be either Sacchan or Tsukuyo, though more on the former, and surprise, surprise, it’s Sacchan. She looks about the same, just her uniform is revamped. It looks similar to Nobume’s, though later on, it’s addressed that she works under Soyo, so that does explain the concept. Needless to say, she still looks nice. That all said a new set of hijinks ensue. I’m surprised I’m alive to write this.
It’s hysterically funny to see how far Gintoki has to stick to the role, up to the point he has to rely on the special effect to display his intimidation. It is fourth wall broken at its finest. It is hilarious how Sacchan didn’t care about Takasugi with his two eyes, already signaling fake, so she just take out one. Irony. Gintoki’s logic to recover an eye is to use a marker to draw a dot and somehow it replaces its pupil, even if it is too large. And so, the story begins with the fake Takasugi.
I love how Gintoki has to imitate him with his over exaggerated edginess. It’s so damn hard to take him serious with his disjointed eyes. His dialogue is so humorous; it must end with dark and sinister tone by default. The panel always darkened for dramatic effect with the “kuwah” sound effect. It got to the point that Hijikata took notice of his stupid antic. Gintoki goes so far to even reference a TV personality with “Indian people don’t tell lie,” just for the sake of the effect. Now that’s just being too desperate.
For some reason, he transfer his sinister vibe towards a stranger because he needs to go to the bathroom. Shouldn’t he cut down the charade when dealing with other? In a surprise twist, he asked for the bathroom because he was feeling odd in the stomach. It turns out that Sacchan threw a kunai with a toxic that will force him to explode in his bowel movement. Now that is worthy of “kuwah.” Sorachi is genius on timing and execution.
I should feel bad for Gintoki to be humiliated, but I feel like this is an indirect way to punish him for leaving them. He’s now enslaved to Sacchan and in order to get the antidote, he must find himself. Go figure. The guy is so helpless; any minute now, he will blow up inside. One of the dumbest (which there are many already) yet clever move is the bathroom tactic, and I am not referring to Gintoki’s idea. He wants to go to the bathroom but lies about Gintoki being in a convenience store. Somehow, someway, every single one of them is occupied by Shinobi. It’s all according to the plan. Unbelievable…
It’s comical how this revelation transitions to a flashback, but it’s a nice and somewhat touching scene. It’s a shame that Zenzou did leave Edo after the war. Even with his latest development, he felt that he would have been a problem for Soyo, since he believed he’s dangerous. This confirms Sacchan to be the one in charge of Oniwabanshuu. It’s a heartfelt farewell because how well they know each other. There’s this undertone feeling that they can be more than friends, especially when tough things get going. It’s gentle of him to rely on her with upmost confidence. Hopefully, he does return later on…
Because she is using her forces to find Gintoki and force him to marry her! Sweet merciful heaven! This must be her ultimate trump card; do or die attempt. Hilarious that she will bring him back by force, yet here he is on a leash. He didn’t say the famous quote, “Wait for me,” to her. Not to go into shipping mode, but maybe he’s, ahem, not the one for you. Well, it is the final arc, so go for broke.
I love how there’s a store named, “Shits.” What a fitting message for Gintoki in his stance. But it’s not exactly what I thought, because he’s awkwardly walking to the store, and when you see someone doing that, it cannot be good. He wants to change clothes. Why? Because well, let’s just say he doesn’t need to go to a bathroom anymore. Yep. It happened. That’s just sad. What’s even sadder is he could only afford a man’s diaper; a perfect image to describe him in this chapter. My mind was blown when Gintoki decides to put an underwear over his face again. We are freaking back to the mannequin charade! Oh. My. God!
At least I cooled down with Tsukuyo on the scene with a new look. She reminds of the second movie design; I quite like the mature feel. I wonder if she has her pipe still. I also wonder if she can sense Gintoki, but not sure how to react with her being chained with him. It’s nice to know that she is with Kyuubei since they did form a nice friendship from the war. That said that means all 4 girls are in one place. Harem Round 2? Even worse, Gintoki is wearing Kyuubei’s underwear. Yep. Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen.
This chapter was a trip. I laughed throughout the chapter and it only differs in its volume level. The comedy was gold with hilarious twists and turns. It’s hilarious to have Hijikata being the spectator throughout, reacting with how we would react. It has one touching scene and it was pleasant. The cliffhanger is very interesting honestly speaking. Very curious where do we go from there. The editor’s note says that Gintoki may die in the next chapter. Who’s ready to say goodbye?
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
