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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Redeux

Or, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

This is going to be my first semi-project-oriented post, partly because I’m usually too in-the-zone to stop and take pictures of my work, and this time I actually have some photos of the progression. Any idiot should have had the insight to take pictures of their work as it progressed, but not me. This brings me to my second point; this post is important because it acknowledges early failures, realization of my errors in thinking, and adaptation to remedy the problem.

I’ve only realized through my work in science and small business how important failure is. (If you need to know about the immensity of failure in research, just hang around Georgia Tech and ask the most exhausted PhD student you can find.) In small business, it seems to be equally prevalent. Of course, failure is the biggest threat facing most of us, no matter our field. We work at all costs to avoid it, but few people welcome it or approach it with an open heart. I’m no different, certainly. But since hearing many inspiring sentiments on my favorite mindfulness podcasts,

I’m working on letting go of my perfectionist standards and accepting that I, too, make important mistakes.

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Recently I've learned that there’s a true difference in thinking when you assume all errors are negative, rather than seeing opportunities to change the way you do things. It’s all too easy to assign doom and gloom finality to failures of any size, but that’s rarely the reality in any given situation. It’s pretty rare that one misstep equates a complete lifetime wasted, yet its second nature to inherently fear and feel this way. If you stop and think back on your lifetime, along with those of everyone you know, you’ll quickly realize that there probably are zero examples of a single failure leading to full and lasting destruction. Even the largest squandered opportunities in life generally function to eventually open the door to yet another possibility; the problem is that we don’t give ourselves room to absorb this phenomenon. We’re (I’m) so far up our (my) own butts (singular) after a single misguided decision that we (I) have difficulty seeing the big picture, searching for the positive meaning of it all, and acknowledging the ways we (I) benefit from doing things differently in the long run. Instead, I beat myself up endlessly, keeping myself up all night to cycle through my errors, as punishment for the mistake that I’ve made. Soon after, I abandon whatever venture was in question, as I’ve effectively proven to myself that I’m just not good enough.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far in this small business attempt, it’s that you can’t.

If every business startup was dissolved as soon as one failure rolled along, capitalism would not be roaring into the 21st century. Small business owners are plagued with failures. It’s an unfortunate side effect of trying to manage 18 different jobs all at once, when you only threw your hat into the ring with one or two specialties; it is inevitable that you’re going to learn a lot of lessons through mistakes under these circumstances. Not only is it impossible to know exactly how to run every single aspect of a business and to manage all of these tasks in a given day without error, but you also have to consider the precarious nature of a new business venture. As a lifelong dream turns into a lifetime of action, there are bound to be harsh realities to accept. Perhaps the business plan was flawed from the start, maybe the product design overlooked one major issue, or the local market demands a different product than originally intended to produce. Often times, there’s no way of knowing until you’re already knee deep in a misguided cesspool of only the best intentions.

This brings me to my more direct tale of artistic progression so far. I’ll admit, ready and waiting for many scoffs, that when I decided I was going to be painting furniture as a business, my thoughts stopped there. I didn’t have a direction, a specialized set of skills, or a niche to set me apart. I literally decided I enjoyed rehabbing furniture with bold colors and designs in chalk paint, and like every soccer mom with a free weekend, I suddenly figured I was a furniture master. I saw the way that chalk painted furniture had been catapulted into the mainstream, becoming nauseatingly available in every big box store, interior design outlet, and trendy boutique for ridiculously high prices… and frankly, the quality of the work was so poor and lacking in inspiration that I figured I had something to offer. I wanted to put out higher quality pieces with palettes and finishes that appealed to me, rather than the same off-white and lightly distressed accent table that was in every décor department around the country. I intended to put hard work into my wares, but to keep my inventory rolling with a low price, quick turnaround approach. I figured Craigslist was a fine venue to peddle my finished products. I thought it would be a fun and easy little side business.

So. Now we’re all up to date on big mistakes.

The thing is, there is too much chalk painted furniture in existence already, and it can be crazy cheap. America decided about 5 years back that every piece of furniture, no matter the quality, was trendy under the pretense of looking pretty shitty. Secondly, my brand vision was minimal, if that. Anyone can slap a layer of thick acrylic paint on an old nightstand and call it a day. Thirdly, no one thinks to turn to Craigslist for brand new and boutique-priced pieces of furniture. The vast majority of users are only on the site to find cheap deals for themselves. In short, I leapt into a market that was already oversaturated and tried to compete with house moms and big box stores only through means of terribly planned online commerce.

You live and you learn.

The fact is, I never intended to become a vinyl printing fanatic, and certainly never dreamed that I would work with the medium enough to confidently organize intricate multi-sheet designs on investment pieces of furniture. All I originally wanted was a way to create freely and use the bustling Atlanta furniture marketplace to make enough money to get by without working for a corrupt administration again. However, after a few months of toying around with a new tool - my vinyl printer - things have drastically changed. I’ve grown from lauding basic block designs, which took me hours to program and print, to creating delicate and highly detailed multi-panel vinyl prints in the blink of an eye. The learning curve on this machine is known to be quite steep, and my understanding of the instrument skyrocketed with a few months of trial and error. Once I had improved my skills and knowledge of the medium, things really took off. I began playing around with new ideas, and dreamt up an innovative way to utilize the tool in tandem with my beloved chalk paint palettes. With the establishment of my all-original technique, coupling vinyl printing with hand painting, my intentions, aesthetic, and company goals have completely shifted.

Through this new medium, my abilities have grown enormously. My work is coming out completely different than originally planned, and I’m actually proud for the original designs and dramatic products I’m suddenly creating in ever-decreasing periods of time – a feeling I rarely allow myself in regards to my own accomplishments. I’m beyond stoked for the products I continually dream of creating, and only want to opportunity to continue exploring this artistic re-awakening of the past 8 months.

However, I find myself coupling this enthusiasm with a certain degree of shame and self-hatred when I look back at my original intentions. There are a few pieces that I still have in my possession which are honestly difficult to confront each day. When I see them, I’m reminded of the panic and anxiety I felt when they were created. My work wasn’t centered on artistic expression or working on processing my muddled mental history at that point. My daily activities were not mindful or therapeutic. My furniture was not always inspired or personal. Rather, I was so stressed out by the amount of debt accrued during the move from Illinois that I just wanted to scoop up a few pieces, slap on a single layer of paint, and hope for a quick turnaround from some basic bitch who was bored with shopping at Target that day. I was pushing quantity over quality, and created pieces that I didn’t believe in as a desperate measure to meet my minimal credit card payment for a few months. It wasn’t the right intention to found my business upon. And it didn’t pay off like I had hoped.

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Here we have the Winter Forest Redeux. You may recognize this piece from a prior posting, in which a mint green nightstand was all I had to offer. Sure, the piece had cool engraved details and bold hardware to set it apart from other accent tables, but my artistic involvement was minimal. At the time I was excited about the use of clear acrylic to seal in design details, and had used a winter scene to add some interest to the inner door panels. I put the huge handles back on, distressed the paint lightly, and called it a day. This was a throw-away piece that I hoped to earn a few bucks on, and never to see it again.

Six months later, it was still here. I was seeing the piece every time I walked into the upstairs hallway, where it served a purpose for us. I didn’t hate the piece for the way that it looked, which I still think is pretty neat, but I hated what it represented for my work. Failure.

I knew I wanted to revisit the piece, to give it some real thought, and to develop a design for it that fit within the Timestamp brand that I’m so diligently attempting to curate. I just needed to give myself permission to take the time out of my insanely busy days, to sit down with the table, and to let my thinking make a few new connections. This alone took several months; the task was written on to-do lists for many strenuous weeks before I was able to confront my discomfort and follow through. When I finally did, the ideas cascaded from one inspiration to the next, as usual, and my full design was decided within a few days. I would retrofit skeletal bird designs that I had been working on into the interior panels. The tabletop could be finished with a wink and a nod, in the form of elegant empty Victorian birdcages and gently falling feathers. The idea felt complete, on brand, and within reach. It was simple to see; when I forgave myself for my rookie mistake, everything changed. When I gave myself the room to consider the piece from a place of calm and good intentions, the final creation came together without conflict. It was the months of self-cruelty and internal conflict that took so long, not my creative process or personal drive.

Forgiving my failure and learning from the results was the only way to resolve this internal conflict and to remedy the mismatching aesthetic in my collection. Looking back, my brain simply wasn’t in the right state to approach things any differently at the time when I created the first version of this piece. I lived in complete chaos with myself as I tried to adjust to a new state and city without any social support, and the void where a well-salaried position used to sit. I beat myself up for these mistakes for many months, but in recent times I’ve reached the point where I’m able to forgive myself for these failures. I recognize that I wasn’t in control of my anxiety or depression, and I was simply reacting every day rather than taking a step back and consciously processing the situation or developing a thoughtful plan.

Though the piece is now aligned with the bulk of my other work, I still carry the weight of accepting that it could have been even bigger and better if I had collected myself and taken my time developing an innovated design in the first place. All I can do is rest assured that I've found valuable time in my schedule to now rectify a part of my work which was leaving me dissatisfied. I can only choose to mindfully embrace the lessons learned and continue looking forward for my next pieces of work.

There are things I wish I had done differently from the first days of Timestamp, but I have to remind myself that this little business, though addicting and all-encompassing, is only in it's early stages of infancy. I have many things to learn, professionally and personally, and the only way I can move forward positively in both realms is to continue the mental work I’m doing. I will only be able to grow from accepting my flaws, and treating myself kindly in that light as I fine-tune my business operations, internally and externally.

- Jess, Chief Failure, Timestamp Renegade

#failure #small business failures #small business #mindfulness in small business #mental health management #self-care #self-compassion #anxiety in small business #cognitive behavior therapy #career change

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Follow Through

Or, “If I had the money, I would put it where my mouth is.”

In my last post, I described the difficult set of circumstances that led me to the necessary time-out on Timestamp for a few weeks, as well as my difficult decision to throw in the towel and search for a stable income in tandem with my art efforts. In a nutshell, there is a lot of stress in this household between unstable finances, unsorted mental illness, unfounded child custody cases, and all the other normal stuff that 20-somethings deal with these days. And, as usual, I have done a poor job finding the time for self-care in order to handle it. That’s why I’ve vowed to make it a bigger priority to write on a daily basis, largely using my Timestamp blog to keep myself accountable, though I will not realistically be able to create a full post every single day. For me this will be an exercise in acknowledging and discussing mental health issues that I have previously avoided for fear of social stigma. For you, this may just be the inner dialogue of a traumatized introvert, but I hope that it would one day find community. While I am nervous to work through these issues in a public forum on my business page, I also have to stand by the fact that I am Timestamp, and my mentality/ mental health is a huge part of what and how I create.

So here’s my start.

Took time to reduce my anxiety before getting out of bed? Check. Been in contact with my therapist this morning? Check. Working on processing my situation through writing? The time has come.

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Two posts ago I was talking a big game about the methods that I use to reduce some of my anxiety and increase mindfulness when I’m continually working from home like an isolated loser for 14 hour days. Although I have a lot more to deal with than anxiety, I’ve recently found out, these have been instrumental tools in keeping my head on straight when there’s no one around to lean on.

As much as I love my alone time and find energy in working in my own environment without interruption, I also have to say that it can be really demoralizing and lonely to be manically working at home all day every day. With all of my best friends and family still residing in Illinois, the only human I have around here is my significant other, who has a very demanding schedule outside of the house (thank god, because having another party in my space 24/7 is also not the solution for me).

Without social support when I’m starting to feel the tickles of anxiety growing, I realized early on in my small business adventure that I needed to find other instruments to lean on when I’m losing my grip. These are the ways I’ve reliably used to contend with my loneliness and generalized anxiety:

Podcasts - You know how when you haven’t seen or spoken to another human being in about two days, and you start to talk to yourself, your dog, and your guinea pig instead? Yeah, right, me either… but if I did, I would recommend that you switch to hearing other people talk on these podcasts. I spend most of my days continually streaming podcasts in the background, whether I’m writing for my day job or hand painting a new piece of furniture. They are amazingly comforting, not only for reducing the uncomfortable silence in an empty house and stimulating your brain with subtle conversation, but also for addressing mental health and philosophical life issues if you tune into the right programs. Here are my favorites:

On Being – Good god, I wish I could have Krista Tippett in my life, calmly narrating my existence and bringing up the most thoughtful, perspective-changing questions known to man. This program is life-changing. My only regret is that it took me so long to find On Being, when I have been individually questioning the meaning of it all for 20 years at this point. Every episode is 53 minutes long edited, and about 120 minutes long unedited, if you want to hear both versions of the conversation like some people do… cough. The premise is simple, ex-journalist, theologian, and author Krista Tippett has long, organic conversations with the most interesting humans you never knew you needed to have in your life. The conversations tackle issues of mindfulness, psychology, individual spirituality, and philosophy, with a dabbling of current science for good measure. The interviewees come from hugely diverse backgrounds, some of which you might expect, including a prevalence of poets and social change leaders. However, you won’t get off that easy; often the guests are quite unexpected for a left-wing public radio show, and can be challenging to approach with an open mind such as the episodes with Glenn Beck or a panel of pro-life pastors. No matter the topic, every episode is thoroughly surprising and grounding. I gain such a sense of peace and perspective from the wisdom of these enormously influential people. I can’t say enough about the grace and depth of the conversations, or the appreciation I’ve developed for thoughtful pauses before profound answers. I want to be Krista Tippett when I grow up.

The Mindset Zone – This one is fairly self-explanatory, although the host’s voice is anything but. Ana Melikian, a Psychologist and business coach with the most unique “generally European” accent I’ve ever heard, leads these short episodes that tackle the issue of mental health in small business. Finding this podcast felt like a message from the heavens, and it came during a time when I was fully losing my battle with business anxiety earlier this year. Each episode tackles a specific issue or guest relating to the mental health management that must take place to open a new business. I’ll be honest when I say that the programs are a bit hit or miss for me. Occasionally they can be redundant or feel like advertisements for her business coaching techniques, but often they are full of the exact insight I need to hear. Is it normal to be completely overwhelmed and disgruntled about the vast number of hats you must wear in small business? Yes. Does everyone doubt what they’re doing and feel the drive to retreat to a safer option? Sure do. Is failure a necessary event to be accepted and learned from, rather than feared? Yep. The messages of the episodes are simple, eye opening, and unifying. As is always the case with mental health, just hearing that what I’ve been experiencing is normal was a huge relief; in fact, this podcast is what inspired me to begin writing more openly about the issue of mental health management in my own small business. It is a topical and useful journey, with plenty of unintended laughs at Ana’s pronunciations. Sorry Ana.

Sex and Other Human Activities – Oh man, do I love the Cave Comedy Radio/Last Podcast Network. These guys are meant to be my best friends and my best friends’ best friends; they just don’t know it yet. We’re mildly obsessed, and diligently plotting ways to prove our worth as the next generation of SOHA hosts, since these two have taken a break from the program to work on other projects. Anyways, this particular show features two of my favorite CCR/LPN hosts, Jackie Zebrowski and Marcus Parks, who openly and honestly discuss their battles with mental illness, as well as answering listener questions on the same topics. Both hosts are fantastically hilarious in my exact style of humor, and very transparent when it comes to the relationship, work, and general life difficulties that come hand in hand with attempting to better understand and control your own psychology. They are incredibly relational, and speak honestly about their successes as well as failures in sorting out depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, self-doubt, and anger. Though there are plenty of laughs, it’s also clear that Jackie and Marcus care a great deal about the topics, and there are many difficult episodes that took considerable courage to record. Again, there is enormous power in this program simply from hearing that you aren’t alone in your battles. Listening to the accounts from two people of similar age and mentality, working through their issues and preaching the importance of self-kindness and professional care feels like receiving guiding support from my best friends, on-demand. I could talk endlessly about my love for all the CCR/LPN guys, but I’ll hold off for an inevitable road trip entry.

Walks – An oldie but a goodie, exercise is a crucial way to work through my emotions and ground myself when my stomach starts to tighten up in a knot. A huge part of mindfulness is observing the breath and bodily sensations, and for me the best free version of this is going on a brisk hike. There’s nothing like getting out into uninterrupted nature and connecting with my feet in order to let go of the rushing thoughts in my head. I gain so much peace from a long solo walk, where I can connect with my worries and allow myself the space to process them. This is a tool I’ve used for many years, though back in Illinois it was fulfilled through walking to and from work each day, long walks around campus on every break, and usually ending with a late evening walk either alone or with my sidekick Jacq. When my dog Jake came into my life, he became a huge motivator to keep up the practice even during dark times when I had trouble executing this style of self-care. Nowadays, the truly amazing part is our proximity to beautiful and dynamic hiking trails in Stone Mountain, which far outweigh the residential streets I used to stomp down in Urbana, Illinois when it comes to peace-bringing. The difficult part, however, is managing my anxiety long enough just to get to the park. Any deviation or distraction from my work each day carries an enormous stress load with it, so the act of going out and reducing my anxiety actually inspires a mountain of distress in the hours leading up to my departure. I do my best to remind myself that this is a critical tool for mindfulness and I need to address my issues rather than working as a means of distraction, but it’s always difficult to permit myself time for self-care. Acknowledging these difficulties in my personality, I’ve come up with three strategies to reduce the likelihood of ditching my park plans;

Arrange with a friend to chat during the walk. When there is a sense of duty, i.e. a promise I made to someone else, I have no problem following through with my plans. I’ve found it helpful, and socially positive, to talk on the phone with my friend during her lunch break as I get my exercise in. This gives me a set time to take a break from my work, prepare, and get to the park on time with a party holding me accountable. I can disappoint myself, but I can’t disappoint other people.

Leverage “shitty work days” to promote breaks at the park. There are days when I work exclusively on Timestamp projects, and I’m happy as a clam from sunup to sundown. Then there are days when I have to write and edit endless articles to pay the bills. These are the days that my brain struggles the most. Without working towards something I’m passionate about, my mind tends to get restless and wander. I have a hard time keeping my head in the game, and instead it can begin to slide into some hefty doom and gloom thinking. Sometimes, there are so many external thoughts flying around in there that I can’t concentrate on my arduous and boring task at hand any longer. I begin to lose my focus, become exhausted, and slip into a depressive state. That’s when it’s time to allow myself the luxury of a walk, in order to reset and reapproach the rest of the work day with newfound productivity.

Set a nighttime walk intention. I’ve found that there is far less anxiety and guilt associated with taking my walk at night, rather than in the middle of my day. This allows me to get all the work done that simply can’t wait before I attempt to pull myself away from the project. If, for whatever reason, I haven’t made as much progress as I wanted to by the time evening falls, I still have less guilt giving myself some space when it’s already 8pm. Of course, I’ve considered switching this to morning walks so I could calm down before my work day even started, but have yet to make this attempt, as I currently use my early mornings to get unwanted writing jobs out of the way.

Social support – We all know, your support network is the most important tool in living with mental illness. That being said, for someone with a tendency to avoid and isolate when they need help the most, it can be a huge challenge to even go and seek social support. As a verified introvert, masochist, and devotee to the idea that my existence is a burden to everyone I know, I generally do the wrong thing in these situations. In the past two or three months, I’ve made a big push to get over my fear of bothering people, and attempt to contact folks when I’m having a hard time. It can be my best friend, my therapist, or even my mother if I’m feeling desperate enough. 9 times out of 10, it results in an honest and caring conversation that helps me greatly in working through whatever problem is at hand, and I have a lasting boost of self-esteem from the interaction. Even if we can’t resolve the issue, just having the reassurance that my friends and family haven’t forgotten about me and still care about my well-being from hundreds of miles away relieves many of my greatest fears. As a bonafied one-man island in bad times, my saving graces for forcing social support on myself are:

My outgoing and extroverted boyfriend. Even though he may not always understand why I’m so crippled by imaginary worries, he’ll always listen to them. At times he can do the unthinkable and convince me to do better with his own social and optimistic nature. He always wants to spend time together and to get out of the house, and this social insistence can be a gift.

My best friends who have their own battles and insights on mental health. Not only do I have a best friend who works professionally as a clinical therapist, but most of the people I surround myself with have similar struggles. We understand one another and feel less judgement talking about the things we deal with, besides the fact that their own needs for support often keep me accountable for their sake, if not my own.

My group messages with friends back home. Reaching out and talking is hard when you feel like your life is empty and depressing. If there’s no news to share, it’s hard to call someone up just to chat. That’s why these stupid facebook messenger groups are such a helpful tool for feeling social without the pressure of actually being social. The continual chatter amongst friends helps me to feel connected to my old crew on a daily basis, even when I personally don’t feel like I have anything to talk about.

Creativity - Clearly, this one rings true for me. As I’ve stated earlier, I can work on my artistic projects from dawn til dusk without feeling an inkling of anxiety or mental duress. I realize that not everyone is as enthusiastic about making things as I am, but I believe there is some real power in accessing this part of the brain. Maybe doodling, instagramming, or zen coloring is more your style - there are plenty of options. Something about the process of thinking creatively seems to be incompatible with the pathways that cause my stress and anxiety, so one can’t happen in tandem with the other. This is great when I’m in a creative mindset and naturally fend off looming anxiety; conversely it’s very difficult when I’m in a negative mindset and battling to reach a place of creativity. Here are the ways I’ve found to get past the mental gymnastics, and get into the artistic zone:

Having some sort of a schedule. As I mentioned a bit earlier, I’ve realized that it makes sense for me to get my writing assignments completed in the morning. This allows me to set aside the stress of looming busy work, earn myself a sense of achievement, and open my mind to other tasks I want to complete. Now, I don’t rigidly schedule my writing work because just as there are times I feel creative and times I do not, there are also times I feel like writing and times I simply can’t. Maybe my head hurts too badly to look at the computer screen, or maybe I’m not feeling the creative juices flowing that particular time of that particular day. That’s when flexibility is important, so I can find fulfillment in accomplishing the tasks that best mesh with my mental state, and I can achieve the most productive day possible.

Setting my intentions for the day one on the night before. Sometimes, it’s anxiety inducing just to wake up in the morning and look at my long list of business to-do’s. Should I be wrapping up this big desk, working on my newest set of prints, posting to Instagram, writing a blog, fixing my website bugs, posting new items to Etsy, checking on my sales around town, etc, etc, etc. It never ends. If I can just work through these options in the evening beforehand, coming up with a general list of priorities to focus on, I can hit the ground running the next day. Sounds simple, but usually it’s easier to finish up a long day of work and push the topic to the backburner for the rest of the night, than to begin planning the next busy day.

Writing. I huge problem I must overcome regularly is my brain’s penchant for repetitive thinking. If something is on my mind, I have a difficult time pushing it aside to focus on new tasks. My mind cycles through what’s bothering me again and again, bringing up the same physical reactions each time the sentiment goes passing through. This is why writing has so much power for me. Putting these concerns down on paper or keyboard is an excellent release from the merry-go-round of worry. It allows me to process exactly what I’m feeling about the issue, to solidify the issue as something that I am acknowledging, and to form a plan on how to deal with it. After that, I can move on from the problem with greater ease, and apply all that brain energy to another item.

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All I’m meaning to say here is, it can be difficult to allow yourself the “luxury” of caring for yourself and your mental health, especially when your focus is always on taking care of business. There’s nothing to stop you from putting your own physical and emotional needs aside when things are stressful, at the times when you need self-care the most. I’m no expert in the field of personal kindness, but I increasingly recognize that it’s important to improve these skills as necessary tools for a functional life. It’s certainly something that takes practice and a mindful outlook to make some of these changes reality, but the continued exercise only cements the positive effects further each time. I’ll be working on and expanding these practices for the rest of my life. I can only hope that my self-compassion continues to grow, and I can help another restless soul or two just by sharing how difficult it can feel to tackle these small measures, but how relieving it feels afterwards.

And remember, you’re alright kid, I don’t care what other people say.

#anxiety #depression #mental health management #PTSD #trauma #mental health in small business #anxiety in small business #mindful #mindfulness #mindfulness in small business #mindfulness techniques

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Long time, no post! Things have been beyond crazy here at HQ, and social media has taken a seat during the crossfire. Between my own realizations of lifetime trauma and ongoing battles with personality disordered individuals, it’s been quite a time. #blessed. It’s quiet for now; at least in this interim, my therapist and I have readied ourselves to take on the next round. . . I’m getting my head back in the game with a clearer outlook, and I can’t wait to uncover my newest creations! For details on my ongoing adventure with mental health management in small business and beyond, check out my first bravery-test blog entry at https://www.timestamprenegade.com/single-post/2018/04/17/Blog6 . #mentalhealthawareness #smallbusiness #anxiety #trauma #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #drama #mindfulness #therapy #timestamprenegade (at Atlanta, Georgia)

#mentalhealthawareness #therapy #timestamprenegade #trauma #anxiety #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #blessed #smallbusiness #drama #mindfulness

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Just a thing I made. Avian Anatomy Desk Set, from Timestamp Renegade (timestamprenegade.com)

Possibly my new favorite piece, and certainly the most intricate vinyl printing I've accomplished so far. This desk was found curbside in Urbana, Illinois behind my friend Beau's house. We tossed 'er in the minivan and brought it right back to Atlanta for some rehab. From there, the desktop was outfitted with a 4-piece custom vinyl design, featuring symmetrical anatomical bird wing diagrams, in glossy black and detailed with edited handpainting for added pop. The front was finished with two full length skeletal diagrams, and original hardware was updated with rose gold paint. Desk drawer interiors have been updated in matte charcoal blue. The entire table has been sealed with a layer of acrylic for protection, color enhancement, and smoothing. Matching chair included.

24" D x 48" L x 29" H

https://www.timestamprenegade.com/furniture-and-decor

#furniture #furniture design #desk #anatomy #bird skeleton #avian anatomy #skeleton desk #bird desk #bird furniture #Original design

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Hiatus

Or, “what do you get when you mix a new therapist, a difficult ex, a house hunt and unsettled summer plans?”

Chaos. That’s what the past few months have been, and that’s what continues to accumulate around here. Not only has my writing clearly suffered, but so has my mental health and my ability to prioritize Timestamp for a few weeks now. The thing is, shit is bananas in our household. Between my boyfriend’s insane schedule working at 4 schools, along with my daily overworking and adventures in managing anxiety, things are already bad enough. Throw in managing shared custody of a 4 year old and all of the delights that come with a ‘challenging’ ex-wife, and things are bound to get wild. Jesus Christ, have things been wild.

Long story short, having already been teetering on the edge of being completely overwhelmed, I have been adequately pushed into the territory of discouragement for a few weeks here. During that time I have had a focus on seeking some sort of secure financial situation, being present to support my boyfriend throughout his legal battles, daily searches for a new home, and making the time to spend with my ‘step-son’ in Florida while also preparing for his summer-long stay with us in Atlanta. I’ve also recently began therapy with a new specialist after 28 years of mental health self-management. The timing really couldn’t be better.

I’ve hated to be away from my creative projects in this way, but a partial time-out was necessary to maintain a handle on my writing job while keeping my head on straight. I have been feeling for some time that things were coming to a head with the amount of financial and social stress that comes with having an infantile start-up business and a hypervigilant personality, and it felt necessary to reconsider my plan to only work contracted positions from home. I’m now diligently seeking a more traditional employment in order to rebuild our household emergency funds, to renovate a new home, and to pay off some of the debt I accrued during the initial move to Atlanta. I am sincerely hoping that this position will be able to mesh nicely with my Timestamp activities, so that I can continue to build my brand… minus a few of the external stressors that have been effectively messing with my head, so I can fully enjoy my work again. There was nothing worse that feeling as though my greatest passion was becoming a stressful and forced activity. I don’t want to lose my interest in making unique art, to feel as though it is forced, or to continue running myself into the ground mentally.

This brings me to my next point; my new push to better understand and regulate my mental health has become a huge point of focus. This includes seeing a therapist, who has already been entirely invaluable in opening my eyes to the importance of paying attention to my struggles and reacting kindly to myself. I have never done a good job examining what I need in order to be happy and healthy, and I’m making a concerted effort to take better care of myself. As such, it’s clear that I could use an occasional break from some of the household and work stressors, I have to make time to address my past and present, and I need to find a way to prioritize writing as a way to work through difficult feelings. I could keep my thoughts to myself, but instead I would like to use this blog as a chance to open up and find community, rather than shutting down and seeking isolation.

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eate. My difficult childhood and early adolescence greatly influenced my interest in punk rock. Our poor financial status created my sense of responsibility and tendency to work myself to death. The necessity to pull myself out of poverty lead to my foray into cellular biology. My life comes through in my designs, and my aesthetic would be entirely different if my brain was lacking its particular quirks. I realize now that for once in my life I need to relinquish some of the shame I feel in discussing my mental illness, and this is the most personal platform I have.

Mental health haters, be gone. Psychology fans and those who can identify with the struggle, come on in. The water’s… deep.

For more blog entries, info about my ongoing experiment in DIY art, and photos of my newest projects, checkout timestamprenegade.com

#Small business #mental health small business #mental health #stress #depression #anxiety #trauma #PTSD #therapy

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Hiatus

Or, “what do you get when you mix a new therapist, a difficult ex, a house hunt and unsettled summer plans?”

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I’ll be honest – I have mixed feelings about putting so much personal information on my professional site. But at the end of the day, I am this brand. My long history of past trauma and mental distress contributes to who I am and the art that I create. My difficult childhood and early adolescence greatly influenced my interest in punk rock. Our poor financial status created my sense of responsibility and tendency to work myself to death. The necessity to pull myself out of poverty lead to my foray into cellular biology. My life comes through in my designs, and my aesthetic would be entirely different if my brain was lacking its particular quirks. I realize now that for once in my life I need to relinquish some of the shame I feel in discussing my mental illness, and this is the most personal platform I have.

Mental health haters, be gone. Psychology fans and those who can identify with the struggle, come on in. The water’s… deep.

Check me out at timestamprenegade.com for blog posts, photos of my work, and more!

#anxiety #depression #trauma #mental health #small business

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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Had to delay, so I didn’t ruin Mother’s Day! This guy was still en route. A little surprise message for my crazy mother, original vinyl print on canvas. #momlove #momsofinstagram #mothersday #longdistance #vinylprint #design #timestamprenegade (at Stone Mountain, Georgia)

#timestamprenegade #momlove #longdistance #design #vinylprint #mothersday #momsofinstagram

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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As promised, my recent #poppy inspiration turned into a new piece! Check out this white pleather folding mirror with custom black vinyl poppies and hand painting. . . Keep an eye out - Love these mirrors, and looking to produce more in a variety of designs! They’re so awesome for packing and applying makeup during travel. Forget trying to apply a face in 3 inch patches with a compact mirror, and create a real vanity on the go! . . More poppy designs? Custom orders? Hit me up at timestamprenegade.com . #poppies #watercolor #watercolortattoo #poppytattoo #mirror #beauty #makeup #vinylprint #silhouettecameo #atlantabotanicalgardens #atlantadesigner #atlantaartists #craft #timestamprenegade (at Atlanta, Georgia)

#makeup #poppies #craft #silhouettecameo #timestamprenegade #atlantabotanicalgardens #poppytattoo #atlantadesigner #vinylprint #poppy #atlantaartists #watercolortattoo #beauty #mirror #watercolor

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timestamp-renegade-universe-blog · 6 years

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The ebb and flow

Or, "how to avoid commuting like a sucker."

Living in Atlanta, traffic is a problem. No one bothered to update the infrastructure to keep up with a blooming population, so now we’re all fucked. With this knowledge, the last thing I want to do each morning is carve out an extra hour+ in order to travel less than 7 miles. I can’t even wait in lines at Chipotle, let alone get trapped in bumper to bumper traffic. Trust me when I say, I don’t have time or the slightest semblance of patience to deal with this daily inconvenience.

Other things I ‘ain’t got time for’ include showering every morning, hair and makeup, worrying about a wardrobe, and pre-emptively packing meals, all for the purpose of going out and sitting somewhere else for at least 8 hours. I don’t want to work for someone else, warming a seat and completing mundane tasks in an uncomfortable environment. I don’t desire to have obligatory social interactions with coworkers I hate, repeating that my weekend “was fine,” 20 times a week. I’m not interested in watching those hours drip past slowly, perusing the internet while feeling unengaged and anxious to go live my real life.

I’ve had the office lifestyle before, and it was a colossal waste of time and energy. Further, I now recognize that if I am going to be creatively-minded, there’s no way I can subscribe to this heartless mental prison from 9-5.

That’s why I planned ahead. Before I moved to ATL, I found several remote avenues to make money that would be transferable with the relocation. These online jobs cover my monthly student loans and basic bills, and therefore relieve some pressure on my painting business to be profitable on an impractical time frame. I can continue to create because I want to, rather than forcing out uninspired pieces for basic bitches to pay my cellphone bill. I can stay home and arrange my days as needed; following my brain if it leads me towards designing, thrifting, or completing arduous computer work.

By no means all-inclusive, here’s a brief listing of resources where I’ve had luck finding consistent, livable incomes online:

Craigslist. There are often 100% online jobs posted, especially in the Writing/Editing category.

The pros: prevalence. It’s THE website for weird gigs, and there are always a ton of listings. Also, since it is a remote job, you can search an infinite number of distant locations on the hunt for listings. For instance, one of the jobs I took was posted in Jacksonville, Florida, while I was living in central Illinois.

The cons: the cons. Of course, don’t randomly send your important info to these unknown companies! Do your research before you engage, and be on the lookout for anything that could be spam. Is the post entirely in CAPS? Don’t answer. Does the ad seem too good to be true? Is the posting in broken English? Is it posted several times over the past two weeks? Just don’t answer.

RatRaceRebellion. Find a huge array of remote positions with verified employers, online or via regular email update

The pros: they’ve done the work for you. Sign up for their newsletter, and receive updates when large companies are having a push for remote workers. Browse the website and find hundreds of positions with reputable companies all in one place. There is a huge variety of positions available. Jobs can range from pet sitting, to artistry and design, to virtual administration. No matter what you’re into, there’s something for everyone!

The cons: competition. Since it is so easy to access this attractive job information, it’s harder to get noticed. Especially once the notice goes out that a large hiring event is taking place via the widespread newsletter… it can be tricky to stand out from the crowd. There are a ton of applicants for online jobs, and many of the positions are actually very difficult and specialized. Also, the website could use an update; for today’s standards it’s a little jank.

Flexjobs. A well-known job board that works to collect promising remote job prospects from highly regarded companies.

Pros: safety. You know what you’re getting when you take their advice and apply for a job. The company is widely respected and works diligently to keep you safe. Flexjobs actually has a perfect BBB rating and superb customer service; it seems as if they truly want you to succeed. The website is clean and easy to use, and every business has been hand-verified for security. They also offer an email update subscription, which will notify you if new jobs are posted that align with your personal career interests. You have a personal search dashboard, which helps to keep your prospects and applications clean and organized.

Cons: it costs. Unfortunately this one isn’t free. It costs annually, with an easy membership fee of $35. Luckily, this fee is fully refundable if you aren’t happy with the services.

Here’s where I haven’t had luck earning real money:

Upwork. Not a fan. You need an impossible amount of experience to get any jobs… which you can only get by having an impossible amount of experience. I also had a scam-attempt through this site once and haven’t been back since.

Amazon. I know that plenty of people work for Amazon remotely, either as a customer service rep or mechanical turk. I have not attempted customer service positions as I presume they are less flexible than I want. As a turk, however, I can tell you I’m not inspired to earn my paycheck $.01 at a time.

Surveymonkey, GlobalTestMarket, and so many other survey sites. I’ve tried, I’ve taken any survey thrown my way, and I’ve been kicked out of surveys after answering tens of questions. Eventually you’ll learn how to lie about demographic info to keep them interested in your answers, but even after completing dozens of surveys, you’ll be lucky to earn a $10 Amazon gift card.

All in all, it’s definitely hit or miss when it comes down to getting a stable online job. There is a lot of uncertainty, and many of the positions are too good to be true. Its nerve wracking and difficult to work at home, but securing a reliable position was the first step to freeing myself from the moral-killing traditional work week. It allows me to devote attention to my dog, myself, my home, and my creativity without making major sacrifices. I know that this is the lifestyle and schedule that works best for me and my creative work. It might work better for you, too.

Next time; honest concerns when working from home.

#work from home #remote jobs #online jobs #work online #part time work #contracted jobs #writing jobs #finding a job

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