#Peter and Tony had a bad relationship to begin with

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen: ‘I find it very hard to accept actors playing Welsh characters when they aren’t Welsh’

Has he taken the concept of authentic casting to a whole new level? Ahead of his latest BBC drama Best Interests, the star explains all

Michael Sheen has had it with the Prince of Wales. Not the man, but the title. “I think it’s ridiculous,” he says. “It’s just silly. I see no reason why the title should continue. Certainly not with someone who’s not Welsh.” 

“That’s not the majority view,” he adds, with resignation. “So, whatever the majority of people want, I’m sure will continue.” 

The star of Frost/Nixon and proud son of Port Talbot is chatting via video from a bucolic spot close to his hometown (a deer has just wandered into view), but even at a distance, it’s not hard to see that Sheen is a man ofstrong convictions.

He has spoken in the past about the opportunity to retire the title after the death of Elizabeth II, as a gesture to “put some of the wrongs of the past right”. In 2020, he returned the OBE he was “honoured” to have received in 2009 when he felt it would make him a hypocrite to give a lecture about how the English king Edward I “put a stranglehold on Wales” at the turn of the 14th century. 

When we chat, he’s about to begin shooting his TV directing debut The Way – co-created with playwright James Graham and documentary-maker Adam Curtis, about a family caught in a civil uprising, set in and around Port Talbot. The BBC project is the first from the production company that he set up with Sherlock producer Bethan Jones to focus on telling Welsh stories because, “You can shout about how bad it is, but if you want to see something be different then do it, you know?”

The 54-year-old is one of the actors of his generation, a stage star in his twenties (The Telegraph’s Charles Spencer called him “outrageously charismatic”) who went on to create unforgettable screen portraits of Tony Blair (The Queen, The Deal), Chris Tarrant (Quiz) and Brian Clough (The Damned United), alongside his David Frost in Peter Morgan’s play and film about the 1977 interviews that brought down the US president. Recently, Sheen has gained a whole new tranche of fans playing a very arch angel opposite David Tennant’s insouciant demon in Amazon’s Good Omens – not technically gay characters according to the Terry Pratchett-Neil Gaiman source novel, but seemingly in love.

Tennant and he have a natural chemistry on and off screen, Sheen says, adding that “he stops me being too grumpy”. He is a little on the grumpy side. In one exchange, in which I suggest he is a supporter of Welsh independence, he responds hotly: “Show me where it says that. I don’t believe I’ve ever said that.” Sam Mendes compared Sheen to fellow Welsh stars Anthony Hopkins and Richard Burton – “fiery, mercurial, unpredictable”. 

But he shares a warm screen chemistry with Sharon Horgan in Jack Thorne’s moving new four-part drama Best Interests. They play the parents of a child with cerebral palsy, the adorable Marnie (played by Dublin actor Niamh Moriarty), who suffers a seizure that leaves her without brain function. The couple find themselves on opposite sides of an unbearable decision: whether or not to switch off their daughter’s life support. Very few will make it through the drama without tears, but the issues it raises will be familiar to all who have followed recent legal battles over 12-year-old Archie Battersbee and baby Alfie Evans. 

Best Interests is “heartbreaking” at times, he admits, which makes the humour that he and Horgan bring to it all the more important. They hadn’t worked together before. “That relationship had to do a lot of heavy lifting. Sharon and I didn’t know each other very well … but straight from the off, we had a very similar sense of humour and made each other laugh.” Moriarty’s is a break-out performance – one scene involving make-up beautifully captures the parent-child relationship. She has cerebral palsy that affects her legs, a condition called spastic diplegia, but she’s not the only disabled actor in the piece. 

Bafta-winner Lenny Rush, 14, who in real-life has a condition that affects his growth, is brilliant as George, who sets his cap at Marnie. Mat Fraser, who plays a legal advocate in Best Interests and portrayed Shakespeare’s Richard III in 2017, has a thalidomide impairment, which likely gave him an insight into Richard’s sense of “my deformity”. 

Thorne, who experienced a chronic medical condition in his twenties, has said in the past that disabled people have been “utterly and totally” failed by the TV industry. In Best Interests, one parent of a child with a disability states baldly that people “hate” disabled people. “I think people can feel very uncomfortable around people with disabilities,” Sheen says. “A lot of the time it’s just to do with ignorance about, ‘Oh gosh, I don’t know, what should I do?’ It can make interaction quite awkward at times, and it can bring out people’s fears.”

The fact that there were several people with disabilities working on the project, he says, was striking because it brought home how rarely he had seen it before. It leads into a discussion of how far actors can credibly play identities they don’t personally inhabit. Sheen has thought about it: “You know, seeing people playing Welsh characters who are not Welsh, I find, it’s very hard for me to accept that. Not particularly on a point of principle, but just knowing that that’s not the case.

“That’s a very different end of the spectrum, but a part like Richard III is such a great character to play, it would be sad to think that that character, you know, is no longer available or appropriate for actors to play who don’t have disabilities, but that’s because I’m just not used to it yet, I suppose. Because I fully accept that I’m  not going to be playing Othello any time soon.

“Again, it’s not particularly a point of principle, but personally, I haven’t seen many actors who have come from quite privileged backgrounds being particularly compelling as people from working-class backgrounds. If you haven’t experienced something, you know, the extreme example is, well, if you haven’t murdered someone, can you play a murderer?”

In 2021, it was reported that Sheen intended to be a “not-for-profit” actor, after selling his own properties to ensure the Homeless World Cup that he had organised in Cardiff in 2019 went ahead when funders withdrew. So, what is a not-for-profit actor?

“There’s no such thing,” he says. “In that interview, I talked about how the ideal I was aiming towards was working like a not-for-profit company. When I put the money into the Homeless World Cup, since then I only owe money, so in terms of profits, there are no profits. I put as much of the money I make as I possibly can into either funding and supporting what other people are doing that I believe in, or starting up projects myself.” 

It’s a measure of Sheen’s confidence that he knows the parts will keep coming. He has become a father again in his 50s; he and his partner, 28-year-old Swedish actor Anna Lundberg, have two young daughters. “My knees creak a lot more,” he says. “It’s a lot harder to get up and down off the floor when you’re playing with the baby.” 

Sheen also has a grown-up daughter, Lily Mo Sheen, 24, from an earlier relationship with British actress Kate Beckinsale. “When my eldest daughter was born, I was still trying to make my way in my career and having to make harder choices about whether to work away from home and how much time to be away and all that stuff,” he says. “This time around, that’s not as difficult as I’m more established as an actor. Physically, it’s hard. But the one thing that is always the same is, you know, poo doesn’t smell any better.”

#Michael Sheen #Interview #Best Interests #the joys of fatherhood #you can feel his enthusiasm #I'm not sure this interview will help him to promote his future projects

[ao3feed-irondadspiderson]

five times spiderman met darevil

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55272904 by ghostedmemory And the one time they worked together. A look into how Spiderman and Daredevil joined each other's lives, both as Spiderman and Daredevil, and eventually, Peter and Matt. Words: 8206, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 2 of The Need for Freedom Fandoms: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Peter Parker, Aunt May Parker (Marvel), Matt Murdock, Tony Stark, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones (Marvel), (those two are just mentioned) Relationships: Aunt May Parker & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker Additional Tags: Team Red (Marvel), The Beginning, at least, Matt Murdock Has Issues, Matt Murdock is Bad at Feelings, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker Friendship, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker Needs a Break, Peter Parker Has Sensory Issues, Matt Murdock Has Sensory Issues, Protective Matt Murdock, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker is a Ray of Sunshine, When he feels like it, Teen Peter Parker, Intern Peter Parker, Peter Parker Whump, Kinda, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker is So Done, Peter Parker is a Mess, in the background - Freeform, Matt Murdock Has Anger Issues, Minor Team Red (Marvel), 2/3rds of Team Red (Marvel), Fluff and Angst, A Little Bit Of Crack, just a touch, Fluff and Crack, theyre friends by the end of it, Enemies to Friends, i guess, but not really, acquaintances to friends sounds better, lets go with that, Peter Parker is Trapped Under a Building, i had to keep that in im sorry read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/55272904

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #iron dad and spider son #spider son #iron dad #peter parker #tony stark

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[fic: double-blind] what might it look like if Peter had taken Extremis? What sort of personality traits, morals, abilities would be respectively amplified or suppressed? What might SIM!Tony and Extremis!Peter's relationship have looked like (would there be mutual attraction or would they hate each other, or something else)? What might non-Extremis Tony (meaning, he had never taken Extremis) and Extremis!Peter's relationship have looked like? And what would the relationship between post-Extremis Tony and Extremis!Peter look like, meaning that Tony has the knowledge and memory of what he/SIM Tony is capable of but no longer the capacity?

This is such a long and complicated meta question, so thank you for your time, whenever you get the chance to answer this!

[[🐻ursa interlude🐻

Extremis!Peter: hmmm well, like Tony's megalomania still filtered itself through the self-serving excuse of an "altruistic" desire to ~take care of people~ I think Peter would still want to be Spider-man and "help" people! But his intentions would become a lot more wrathful, with more focus on hunting down and "punishing" criminals than genuinely being about preventing/mitigating harm.

Basically, if faced with the classic "nyeheheh spider-man, you can either save allll these people and let me get away, or let them die and catch me!" situation, he would catch the villain rather than save the people, lmao. He would also be a lot more confident/self-assured as Peter as well as Spider-man– I think the outward changes would be a lot more obvious for him than Tony, just because Peter suddenly being a confident-to-the-point-of-arrogance live-out-loud type would be a much bigger shift!

SIM!Tony and Extremis!Peter: oh this is the ideal for SIM, haha. (And was his actual plan, though he wouldn't have anticipated the changes to Peter's personality– until he found out that Peter already had a healing factor as Spider-man, he was going to inject Peter with Extremis to keep him safe from the compound released into the water supply.)

Peter would have the same "everyone else is inferior 💖except my dad💖" mental loophole that Tony does about Peter, and he would totally buy the "short-term crime for long-term utopia" plan once they knew each other's identities! (I'd say that things would get potentially very nasty before that point, but honestly egotistical Extremis!Peter would probably not be nearly as careful about safeguarding his identity, so Tony would figure it out before they had the chance to fuck each other up too bad lmao.)

So following that… their mutual obsession with each other would dovetail very nicely, haha. SIM would 100% get his "ruling the world from the shadows with my son-lover-queen at my side" fantasy and they would have a great time. There might be some bumps in the beginning when Peter's own ego rankled under Tony's paternalism but if anything I think Tony would come around to seeing this version of Peter as a legitimate equal, so they would get it sorted out pretty quickly. Happily ever after in awful toxic tooth-rotting villainous love!

Extremis!Peter and normal Tony: WOOF. Well, again, I think Tony would figure out Spider-man's identity pretty quickly, since even as non-Iron Man he would have reason to be curious about the vigilante causing just as much collateral damage as he was fixing, and he would have already noticed the changes in Peter's behavior.

Their interactions would be a mess. Peter would initially be enthusiastic about Tony knowing (because he wouldn't think he was doing anything wrong, obvs!) and would be disappointed and put out when Tony was horrified instead. I could see things going a couple different ways– Peter begrudgingly agreeing to be more careful if it would smooth things over with his dad, Peter forcing the point by challenging Tony on what he was actually going to do to stop Peter if Peter refused to change his ways (I don't know the answer to that question and neither would Tony lmao,) Tony cottoning on quickly that something had to have changed Peter for him to be acting like this and essentially deciding to play nice/supportive while he investigated what it was…

It would be a whole THING. And yes, I do think Peter's obsessive feelings towards Tony would take that sexual/romantic bent even without Extremis!Tony there to put the thought in his head just because, well, when you only accept one other person on the planet as being your near-equal…!! Which would be its own fucked-up dynamic that Tony would have to navigate once he caught on. Yikes!

Extremis!Peter and cured!Tony: if anything this would probably be easier for Tony to manage on the Peter side of things if not on his own "coping with what he did under the influence of Extremis" side of things! He would be able to better anticipate how Peter thought/worked to be able to manipulate him into a position where he could administer some kind of cure. But then, you know, he would have to contend with all the original consequences of SIM!Tony's actions on top of the new horrors of what he and Peter would've gotten up to as a team, so… still yikes!!

(A THOUGHT: I don't know that Tony would allow things to happen this way but it's hot to think about: reverse of the original fic where Extremis!Peter comes on to either normal or somehow-cured Tony, Tony plays along as a ploy to get into a position where he could inject Peter with a cure, but… Peter's enhanced and Tony's not, so Tony is too slow for Peter not to catch him in the act, Peter gets rid of the cure, and then he keeps right on going with the sex. 🥰)

tl;dr: yikes all around]]

#fic: double blind #meta #ursa interlude: #thank you for all the questions friendssss 😭💖💖💖 #and I promise I am still thinking about all the multiverse questions haha! #they're easy to do as meta questions but not if I want to do a skit so I'm thinkin' on 'em

[jamneuromain]

Steve Rogers x stark!reader

Steve and Tony's 'baby' (she is literally two years younger) sister have been dating... they don't want to tell Tony

But, tony begins to think something is happening and sends spider kid to spy for him

Tony finds out, and he bursts into her room to see her and Steve sleeping peacefully together

BUT HES TONY FUCKING STARK SO HE STARTS BLASTING AC/DC AND WAKES THEM UP

Steve then revives a lecture for dating Tony's sister, and yn revives a lecture for dating Steve

I just find the idea hilarious

And then after that, yn and Steve would walk out of the same room and tony would make gagging noises the whole time they were close

I'm thinking... although Tony trusted Peter with this mission, he didn't fully "trust" him with this mission...

Sorry for taking so long! I had a bit trauma with being waked up abruptly :(

False alarm

Steve Rogers x You (Reader)

Warning: Swearing, Pure Fluff, a lil humor,

Summary: Code Red.

Send it? Or don't send it?

Peter scratches the back of his head, and hits "send".

He scrolls his screen in expect for reply. But he gets nothing.

"Code Red! She hugs Mr. Lang for three Mississippi's today."

Before that, "Code Red! She laughed at Mr. Wilson's jokes."

Before that, "Code Red! She could be dating Mr. Barnes because she bought him plums!"

Stark, on the other hand, spares a brief glance at his screen and sighs.

"Peter Parker: Code Red! I saw her talking with Mr. Barton today! Mr. Barton touched her shoulders!"

"One mission. I gave that kid one mission." Tony grumbles, pinching his nose bridge as he winces, "one frigging mission and ..." He makes his notorious long face, "... and he has sent me a dozen false alarm right now."

"Sir, I will talk that kid out of it. Just gives me a chance-" Happy looks at Tony from the rearview mirror, guaranteeing and nodding his head, "I won't let you down Sir."

"You know what? Never mind." Tony shoves his sunglasses back on, putting that thin piece of transparent screen back into his pockets. "He'll bug me for another mission if I don't ask him to do something. Friday, mark all Peter Parker's message with the keyword 'Code Red' as read, and don't ever notice me again with these messages, will ya'?"

"Yes Sir." The AI answers.

Happy observes Tony, choosing his words carefully, "is there a chance, Sir, that Ms. Stark is not...?"

"STOP! I don't wanna hear it." Tony screws his eyes shut.

He doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to acknowledge it. But he has to face it.

Ms. Stark, you, his little sister (though you would argue that you are not little anymore, being a mere couple of years younger than Tony), are in love.

Ridiculously, unabashedly, in love.

You have what the young people calls it these days: the relationship syndrome, where you would giggle (for Christ's sake, giggle!) and blush like a teenager!

"With whom I'm in a relationship is none of your damn ... darn business." You threw a bad language word at him when noticing Peter was in living room doing his homework. Glancing at Peter's direction, you dropped your voice, "besides, this is exactly why I don't want to tell you, even if I have a boyfriend."

"What? Why? ME???" The billionaire cried, "I'm your big brother! Of course I need to know are you in a relationship!"

Before you could slip through the loop hole in his words, he added, "and with whom."

You let out a laugh, pouring yourself a glass of wine, too tired to have this conversation at 10 pm, "yeah, you're not dad, Tones. Now get the ... get out!"

"This is my property! You can't tell me to get out!"

"Watch me."

"Hey, if you guys need some space I'd be happy to go back to my room." Peter shuffled the papers on the table, nervously piping up.

"Yes!" "No!" Tony and you gave separate answers, then glared at each other.

"Uh- I'm just gonna go back to- uh-" Peter balanced his heavy backpack and his big pile of papers and laptop with a pen on top of everything, nearly bumping his knee when he missed a step.

"No, you stay. I'm done with him." You grabbed your glass and headed to your quarters, mumbling some dark words under your breath.

Tony pursed his lips, watching your figure disappeared behind doors and walls.

"Kid, you want a mission?"

"Yeah! I mean, of course, Mr. Stark, Sir! Anything! I'm absolutely ready for my first assignment - I mean mission!"

"...that's not really a question but fine, here's what you are going to do."

And that's what his spur of the mind get him. Text bombarding from the Peter kid, reporting possible "target" of your boyfriend. So far, nothing special came from his texts.

Seriously? Buying plums? You and Natasha were out buying groceries that day, of course you are buying plums.

Three Mississippi's? Is that how the kids are counting seconds these days?

The rest are just more ridiculous. As ridiculous as the idea of eight track tapes.

Stark sighs deeply.

He's gonna kick that mysterious boyfriend's ass when he finds out who exactly is the guy.

A few hours later...

"Is this, what, the fifth time tonight that the fire alarm got triggered?" You muffle your yawn under your palm, earning a chuckle from the blonde super soldier, who is leaning against the door frame, and welcomes you with out-stretched arms.

The shrieking fire alarm has been on and off tonight. Even though Friday has made sure there's no visible fire, the AI keeps receiving sensors reporting temperature abnormalities in different parts of the building.

It also keeps waking you and the blonde supersoldier a couple of doors away.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Stark. I will double check the cameras and the sensor data to make sure there's no actual fire. I will turn off the fire alarm for now." The AI replies softly, "you may go back to bed now, Ms. Stark."

Shrieking is dialed down. But the warm embrace offer still stands.

You hold onto his hand, but not moving forward an inch to fall into his warm hug. "Anthony will see." You mumble, feeling his rough palm on yours.

"I miss you, doll face. My bed feels cold without you." Steve looks like a kicked puppy, pouting with his sad eyes, "lemme hold you for a second."

Who are you to say no when he's pouting his perfectly kissable lips?

Your tired body finds its home, snuggling his broad chest and strong arms. Your hands bringing his head down for a kiss.

" 'kay, I'll delete the footage in the morning." You stifle another yawn, and follow Steve to his room, where you also miss because of the recent spying businesses Tony assigned the kid to do.

A few feet away, Peter is hanging upside down from the ceiling in his invisible suit, frantically texting.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Stark! But she just followed Cap to his room! "

Three seconds later,

"SIR, CODE RED!!!!!!"

Unbeknownst to Peter, he "sits" on the temperature sensor again, having the fire alarm blasting the building once more.

On Steve's, or your shared bed at this point, the blonde smiles when you try to minimize the voice by dragging the duvet over your head, which he is sure you will smother yourself within ten minutes. Steve covers your ears with his palm, blocking all noises that will pry you out of sleep.

"Good night, sweetheart." He whispers.

A few more hours later...

"Friday, play Highway to Hell in the loudest voice possible, please. "

The billionaire sticks his fingers in his ears, watching your eyes snap open the minute rock music fills this room with lead singer screaming and electric guitar. Steve scrambles out of bed before you even realize what's going on, he swings the lamp near bedside by his hand and looks as if he's about to attack any second. And he probably would have attacked if he doesn't recognize Tony first.

"What the fuck, Anthony! Friday, turn off the fucking music!" You yell, throwing your fluffy pillow at your older brother, "that's not funny!"

Friday turns the music off in an instant. Your heart pounding in your chest. You could have had a heart attack.

"No shit, young lady, it's not funny." The genius who thought it was a good idea waking you up with loud music scoffs, not to mention dodging your attack with ease, "I understand if you want to screw anyone on the team, but this? Him???"

"Excuse me?" You can't help but roll your eyes.

He glances at Steve, "and you, that's how you take care of my sister when I'm gone? By taking her to the bed? Good care indeed."

Steve rubs his eyes with the heels of his palm, "for Christ's sake, Tony, I'm sorry. But that," he gestures to the sound speaker hanging on top of your head, "was excessive."

Tony waves his hands dismissively, "I'll deal with you later. Now, you," he points his finger at you, "get out of Steve's room. I hope you are decent at least."

"It's fucking four thirty in the morning. I'm not going anywhere until I finish my sleep."

There. You've said that. You fall back on to your pillow. Your heart still pounding frantically in your ribcage.

There's probably too many bad language word in one conversation, but Tony had it coming when he decided to wake you before the sun even comes up.

"Uh-uh. You're not staying in the same room. Rogers, you and I are gonna talk. NOW." Tony wiggles his index finger, and motions for Steve to step out of his own room.

Your consciousness drifts to a place between sleep and awake. You are on the verge of falling asleep again when a burning furnace - probably your boyfriend who had to "talk" with your annoying brother just now - slips back into the warm cover. You acknowledge his presence by taking his bicep as your pillow again, sprawling your arm across his chest.

"I guess you don't have to delete the footage now." He chuckles, holding you closer to his body.

"Hmm." Is all that you can reply. You would have said "Sure. Whatever" if you are conscious, but you couldn't muster up the strength or the clarity to answer.

"I'm fairly sure he'll still be disapproving whenever he sees both of us around."

"Hmmmmm." I don't really care......

"But he's ... processing, now." Steve kisses your forehead, "sleep tight, sweetheart."

You'll ... deal with that ...... tomorrow ..........

#steve rogers #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america x reader #captain america x you #captain america fluff #inbox <3 #inbox requests #jnmanswers

[sazzposts]

Hello, my dear! :) I may also request a Bucky Barnes Imagine where maybe he’s your Ex (breaking up cause of he doesnt want to get you in danger cause of the avengers) but he is lost without you and totally changed in the bad way, but you feel the same.. then one night he wants to leave the Avengers behind but Steves get you there and you convince him to stay while hes already on his bike.. then you talk, decide to give your love another chance and end up cuddling or more (in case you're comfortable with smut) THAAANK YOU DOLL ❤️

Stars aligning

Wordcount: 1.8K

Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: Bucky Pov: Reader Pov: // since i'm a minor i won't write smut but thank you for your ask! helped me get my writing motivation back, have a good day! <3

Peter Parker x reader, Steve Rogers x reader (all platonic)

Summary: You both lost each other but you think the one is better off without the other.

Warnings: fluff, mentions of reader not taking care of themselves, sad sad stuff, Bucky's insecurities and mentions of his nightmares (?)

It all started with that one night. His insecurities got the better of him. Your first real fight in the relationship. 

you had been dating the Bucky Barnes for a while now, these insecurities and worries weren’t unfamiliar to either of you. It came with him and that was okay. Until it became more than insecurities, those haunting thoughts became prominent fears in his life. 

He thinks it became a fear when he was fighting with the Avengers and they lost because Tony needed to protect his wife in a fight. See, he knows it sounds strange. Of course you save your wife. But the catch was that she didn’t need the help, Tony just wanted to ensure that Pepper would be there at the end of the night. 

Then another time, Natasha went on a date with someone. He’d asked about how it went but she stayed silent. He heard from Steve they got injured just because someone went on a date with the Black Widow. 

How could he ever forgive himself if he lost you? He couldn’t be so selfish, after all he didn’t deserve you to begin with. Or so he thought. 

Your first real fight was him raising his voice and there you stood, so calmly. It frustrated him even more. What he didn’t know is that you had enough faith in him, in you two. To get past this. Which you did for a while. 

Until one night he said something that made your stomach drop. 

‘’I don't think this will work out.’’ 

You wanted to argue back, convince him that it would work out but you’d been having doubts too. 

Maybe he didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore and why would you want to be the cause of his biggest fears. Even his nightmares seemed to come back after it went so well. You felt like you were the person he’d dream about and couldn’t possibly imagine how much it must have terrified him. 

A stronger person, one with abilities would take those fears away wouldn’t they? Like if they could protect themselves, handle themselves. Not someone as meek as you. 

So you both agreed to part ways, hiding the fact you both were doing this for each other and not yourselves. 

4 months later.

You hadn’t spoken much, maybe to bring back items that were at each other's places. You felt like someone had poisoned your heart with every bad feeling you’d ever felt in your life. 

Your friends got in touch with you here and now but you turned down wherever they wanted to take you. It’s been four months damnitt. You felt like this was never going to end.

News about Bucky Barnes traveled around, speculations about why his demeanor had changed to what it once was. Cold,distant and short answered. He didn’t accept interviews, AvengerCons or any other public invitations anymore, it was like he became a ghost. 

He counted the days since he had lost you. All his mind thought about was you,you,you. He felt like a madman, like his mind was taken over by just you. How ironic. You were his savior and captor all at once. 

All that was on your mind was him. How he held you like if he let you go you’d fade out of existence. 

He’d gotten some updates from Steve but not many. Maybe you were okay, moved on with your life. Maybe he made the right choice to leave, so how could it feel so wrong?  

You’d isolated yourself from everyone around you, drowning in your own sorrow like something was missing, constantly. 24/7. 

How could it be that he still aches for every part of you?

He missed the way you smiled at some cheesy joke Rhodes made. Bucky, of course, would instantly know the joke wasn’t funny at all but you were you. You were the person who made everyone and everything feel welcome. You made him feel welcome, wanted even. 

So that dissipated over time, the thoughts that were kept at bay, crashed through the dams. He felt like you were his life guard while he was drowning. Maybe you were each other's saviors after all. But someone better could replace him, someone with less issues, trauma, guilt. The times he had raised his voice at you. 

His way of raising his voice was that his tone was harsher than what it normally was, he made himself sound like the villain he never was. You kept each other up, both drifting together on one boat, towards a future you both so badly craved to have. You wanted Bucky Barnes to be your own, not someone else's

You took a shower in what felt like ages and did your hair. You had to cut it shorter due to the fact that you didn’t maintain it often. It did suit you though, it gave you this edge, you felt like. 

After getting dressed, you took a deep breath. Were you really going to the Avenger Compound to be met with a bunch of stares. Yes. 

Was it completely nerve wrecking? Also yes. 

You knew a lot of people around there since you managed to become the social butterfly of the compound, making sure everyone was okay and well before you went up to your best man.

You shook the thoughts out of your head and went out the door, mentally checking if you had all you needed. 

On your way over you got a call from Steve, his voice sounded urgent but you couldn’t quite make it out due to the loud streets of New York. 

You went into a coffee shop to get some noise reduction and heard him say that Bucky was leaving. 

Leaving? How could he leave the thing he made his life's purpose?

You hung up without a word and began sprinting towards the compound. Well.. this seemed like a good idea until you remembered you didn’t have the stamina of a super soldier or a whatever. 

You propped your hands on your knees and exhaled long deep breaths, laughing to yourself at how ridiculous you must look right now. 

You saw spider-man doing his New-York sweep for ‘’bad guys’’ as he called them and he then quickly spotted you. ‘’Hey! Hey!’’ he called out, along mumbles of your last name, you’re sure he almost accidentally said Barnes as a last name which made you cringe internally.

“Are..are you okay? Do you need help?? Mr. Stark has put like this phone thingy in my suit, i could call him for you if you want!’’ He exclaimed enthusiastically.

‘’No, i just need to get to the compound.’’ You exhaled as if your lungs didn’t want air.

‘’Oh i could take you there! But may i ask why you thought running would be a good idea? it’s like a couple mile-’’ You had looked at Peter with a deadly glare which immediately shut him up.

‘’So how does this..work?’’ You asked, hesitance on your voice. ‘’You just kinda.. hold on.. i guess..’’ He looked at you. You figured under that suit he’d have a dorky smile.

You held on to him and before you knew it, you were launched into the air. “HOLY FUU-’’ Cars honked, trucks drove past and all of the noise from the city was fading to a lower volume and you just laughed looking down. Thinking about how you’d laugh your ass off if Peter would ever take Bucky on one of his swing rides. 

You quickly got to the compound and stood on your own two feet, wobbly at that. Steve saw you two arrive and he steadied you. ‘’If that ride was for nothing i’ll kill Bucky.’’ You exclaimed, swallowing your nerves. 

Steve led you to Bucky and before he could rev the engine, you twisted the keys in his motorcycle the other way. A deadly glare along with a scoff was sent your way until he realized it was you. His features softened and you just raised your eyebrows as if you caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to. 

Bucky called out your name, as if he thought he was dreaming. At least two months went by without you, your face,your everything. 

‘’Hop off cowboy.’’ You said but he shook his head. Determined to leave the place where he wasn’t wanted. 

‘’Fine.’’ You said, which he looked at you suspiciously. And before he knew it you hopped on to his motorcycle. 

‘’You need a helmet for that.’’ He deadpanned. 

‘’Oh i know.’’ You shot back and had a sweet smile on display. 

He scoffed again when he saw Steve walking towards you both with a helmet in hand. ‘’Keep him safe for me, will you?’’ Steve looked at you with a hint of worry.

‘’Will do Captain, I promise he’ll be back in one piece.’’ 

Steve nodded and you tapped Bucky’s shoulder, you knew he was already done with your antics but you didn’t care. You needed to break through his shell like you’ve done before, so that is what you were going to do.

‘’Fine, we’ll go somewhere to talk or whatever.’’ Disinterest was in his voice but you knew better.

‘’Alrighty Mr. Grump.’’ You said. 

You two reached a place that overlooked a small portion of New York but it was secluded and beautiful nonetheless. 

You two sat down and it was as if nothing had changed. Which in theory, didn’t. You still loved each other as much as one possibly could. 

‘’I think-’’ 

‘’You know-’’ 

‘’You go first’’ Bucky said to which you nervously pulled on the hem of your shirt and cleared your throat. 

‘’I think we made a mistake. I think we belong together, and I know you don’t believe in that type of stuff. Like how we make our own destiny but.. I think you are my destiny, Bucky Barnes.’’ 

Bucky let out a shaky breath, one he would take to muster up the strength to not break into tears in front of you. But when he heard you whisper a quiet ‘’It’s okay’’ he let the tears fall. He felt your tender touch wipe at his tears, belonging and the feeling you get when something is ‘just right’ flooded his entire being. 

‘’Marry me.’’ He said. Something you would have never once in any scenario have expected. His lips were close to yours, his breath fanning over your lips as you closed your eyes. 

‘’Only if you make it last forever.’’ You whispered, trying not to break into tears too. 

‘’Till death do us part.’’ He said, which you repeated. 

Finally his lips were on yours, kissing for all of the times you didn’t. By the time you both let go, stars hung in the sky while both of you were on your backs, holding each other and pointing at your favorite stars which seemed to align to one and the other.

#marvel x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #peter parker x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes angst #mcu x reader #bucky barnes x gn!reader

[seek--rest]

oh thank gd I'm not the only one who thinks that ffh was Not That Good. It had its moments, but a lot of things didn't make sense and came out of nowhere - Peter suddenly crushing on MJ instead of them slowly building it up; May not caring that her nephew risks his life everyday??? hello??? I didn't enjoy ffh, it felt so out of place compared to the other movies. it's like the writers couldn't decide what to do and just mashed all the ideas into one script whilst losing continuity

Jon Watts it’s on sight!

I have this theory that FFH is the genuine worst part of the trilogy for many reasons but is also the single worst offender for why the MCU Spider-Man trilogy had such a bad reputation (and why NWH had to do SO MUCH explicit course correcting).

“But seek people hated him back in HOCO” true yes there’s a lot of Choices that were made from the beginning that were not Great but FFH not only dug their heels into those bad choices but made them worse.

Like I’m not jazzed about how much of HOCO Peter’s arc was trying to impress upon Tony of how important he is— it’s a literal regression from his attitude to Tony in CW but that’s because are dee jay is an ass who would catch these hands if I saw him— but FFH made it worse by making him a successor to Tony Stark and his legacy. (Much LESS how Mysterio is a fucking STARK INDUSTRIES jilted ex-employee????? Are you kidding me???)

MJ being a non-entity in HOCO and that stupid as hell “name drop” is terrible but it’s made WORSE in FFH by Peter— off screen and with no explanation other than we as an audience know she’s MJ— to be in love with her and want to ask her out.

May and Ned had great arcs in HOCO and showed a great relationship with Peter and there was so much potential for the two of them re: Spider-Man that FFH completely shit on by turned May “cut the bullshit / what the fuck” Parker into a irresponsible ditz who gleefully throws her child into danger (which NWH then tried to correct) and Ned “I’m your guy in the chair” Leeds turned into an utter joke.

FFH gave us canon PeterMJ and had the unfortunate burden of being the first MCU movie post endgame. Any movie was going to have a hard time trying to balance the tone, the weight, and the movement of grief audiences had to have in mourning ten years of storytelling and as an MCU movie, FFH was fine.

As a Spider-Man movie, it failed and in many respects, is the weakest in the trilogy because of it.

And again, why I say NWH had to do SO MUCH to try and correct the problems they themselves created that truly start and end with FFH.

#seek speaks #Spider-Man #Peter Parker

[themculibrary]

Peter Parker & Sam Wilson Bond/Mentor Masterlist

5 Times an Avenger (or two) Looked Out For Peter (ao3) - aneonsky G, 24k

Summary: +1 time they all did.

Just as the title says. The Avengers looking after Peter Parker because he is their spider-baby.

as is life, in spite of war (ao3) - blueh T, 7k

Summary: The words blur together just the slightest amount with the sudden dread that curls in his stomach, “—with NBC news reporting live in New York City. Following the release of footage captured by locally acclaimed hero Mysterio, Spider-Man is revealed to be sixteen-year-old high school student Peter Parker. His last known sighting was earlier this afternoon in Times Square. If anyone has any information on his whereabouts, please report it to your local police station—”

Sam Wilson drops the remote. “What the fuck?”

or: in the aftermath of Mysterio, Sam—along with his accidental roommate Bucky Barnes—find and take in Peter Parker by happenstance. Sam’s not going to get attached to some punk-ass spider-kid from Queens. He’s not.

Dumb, Dumber and Dumbass (ao3) - tempestaurora may/sam T, 5k

Summary: OR: A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Family Dinner, during which Peter and May meet Sam's family. Meanwhile, Tony sends constant text updates about his search for whoever graffiti-ed Avengers Tower.

Held Up (ao3) - Emily_F6 T, 2k

Summary: May Parker would do anything to protect her child. And Peter is doing his best to cope with the consequences of that.

In Which Peter Finds the Brooklyn Bridge Appealing in the Wrong Way, and Sam Wilson Likes Ice Cream (ao3) - Scotty1609 N/R, 1k

Summary: Sam Wilson is flying around aimlessly when he finds a shaggy-haired sixteen-year-old about to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. Also, you're never too old for ice cream.

just know you're not alone (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor tony/sam T, 10k

Summary: Tony was settling into his new life being an Avenger. Everything was going fine, great even, and then suddenly a kid was thrown into the picture. Peter Parker becomes Tony’s world, and he’s doing everything he can to keep his son out of the spotlight. Unfortunately, some things don’t always go to plan. But would it really be such a bad thing if his fellow Avengers found out about his son?

Lethal (ao3) - Emily_F6 T, 2k

Summary: The kid insisted that the bullet just grazed him. But that was all it took.

Peter Parker: Therapist Extraordinaire (ao3) - sakurasprigs T, 4k

Summary: Aka, the fic in which Peter volunteers at the VA with Sam, who ends up practically adopting him and tells the whole team, making them all want to meet the fabled kid. Turns out, he might be a lot more familiar than they thought.

Reality of a New Normal (ao3) - alwayslily T, 68k

Summary: Peter knew that he should be grateful. He had disappeared into nothingness and had no reason to be back, but he was. Tony had saved him. The man had invented time travel to bring back the missing half of the population, and that included Peter. At first, he was grateful to have more time with May and to get to grow up and all that, but once the initial shock wore off, the realities of life were catching up with him and he was beginning to question whether this had been a good thing after all.

*this is my take on the 'May's abusive boyfriend' trope*

slow it down (come back to bed) (ao3) - seekrest may/sam G, 1k

Summary: Sam couldn’t say he had a plan-- for how to tell Peter specifically that he was in love with May. But he did know that whatever plan he could make involved first talking to May about it, the understanding that they didn’t want to speak about their relationship until it meant something.

It very much did-- to himself but also from May, if last night was any indication-- but having Peter find out by Sam walking out of his aunt’s bedroom the morning after isn’t exactly how he anticipated it.

teenagers scare the living shit out of [bucky barnes] (ao3) - bridiesmindsludge G, 3k

Summary:

“I cut it because it was too long. Is that a crime?” “I like it,” Peter says, feeling like he was de-escalating an elderly married couple. “Easier to fight bad guys without, you know, pullable hair.” “Yes, thank you, Peter,” Bucky responds, staring daggers at Sam. “I’m glad someone understands.” “He’s just being polite because he doesn’t want you to keep staring at him like that,” Sam argues back. “You’re scaring him.” “I am not.” He whips his head to Peter. “I’m not scary.” Peter gulps. “You’re a little scary.” ~ or the one where peter gets kidnapped, along side sam and bucky, who have no clue how to help him when they realize he's been drugged with something.

The Falcon & The Winter Solider + Spider-Man (ao3) - F_my_entire_life sam/bucky N/R, 20k

Summary: "Coulda used that shield,"

"Get off me."

"It's cute when couples roll in fields together."

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

Rewriting of The Falcon And The Winter Soldier with Peter Parker in it.

#themculibrary #mcu #marvel #peter parker #sam wilson #masterlists #friendship

[irondad-tonystark]

Marvel Fic Rec (General)

Baby Driver by prufrock

Summary: Cars seem to show up at key moments in Tony Stark's life. So does Rhodey Rhodes. (Tony/Rhodey)

This fic is absolutely beautiful and heart wrenching in one. It deals with addiction, grief and mourning, some very bad decisions—but Rhodey is there (off and on and off and on again) through it all.

A New-York Cop by dimircharmer

Summary (shortened): Newly minted detective Brett Mahoney is noticing some fairly disquieting things about Matt Murdock. Namely, he's legally bound to one of his old friends, heavily in debt, and sporting different poorly-concealed injuries every other time Brett sees him. (Matt/Foggy implied, outsider’s POV).

Another fic with beautiful writing and characterization. I only wish the end scene were longer. Love the dynamics of friendship, concern, and as cheesy as it sounds, doing the right thing (even when it [might] go against decades of friendship.)

What's in a Name by OliOcelot

Summary: 5 times Michelle Jones met Peter Parker at MIT (and 1 time she met Spider-Man)

I’m not usually a huge fan of coffee shop AU’s bc they tend to take the characters and leave the plots/worldbuilding—but Peter is still Spider-Man and he still has citizens to save. A great read!

That Which Is Called Ego Death by WinterSky101

Summary: There was a time when a Titan snapped the neck of a god, but it wasn’t the end of the story, it was the beginning.

I’m kind of a sucker for any good guy Loki stories. I’m also a sucker for any Genderfluid Loki. I’m a sucker for this fic.

Blips on the Record by ambivalentangst

Summary: Flash, let it be known, doesn’t like Peter. He’s too good at everything—infuriatingly so—and nobody ever calls him on his bullshit, like with AcaDec nationals. Flash has to put his all into everything he does for a fraction of the attention Peter gets for his bare minimum, and it pisses him off, to say the least, so sue him for looking for chances here and there to knock him down a peg. However, when he notices, he shuts his entire operation down. Maybe Peter has a decade on his age when he was in the thick of it, but Flash remembers what it was like. He gets having school be a safe place, and nobody, not even himself, is going to jeopardize that for Peter.

I already mentioned this fic in a different rec post, but this time I included the longer summary. Flash Thompson redemption (my fav!) and great characterization/character study. Plus a tiny bit of irondad from an outsider’s perspective.

Bunch of Jackasses, Standing in a Circle by FoundlingMother

Summary: Loki doesn't die on Svartalfheim. A pity. He deserves death, and his cell no longer offers safety. Asgard clearly does not possess the strength to ward against Thanos.

See description for previous Loki fic above—it’s all of that, PLUS Loki joining the Guardians of the Galaxy. (Note: this fic is locked unless you have an account.)

Uncharted Territory by ChloeNyme

Summary: Peter had a secret. No, not that one. A different one. One that felt…worse. Or, MJ tries to navigate a relationship with Peter Parker.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of childhood sexual assault (not explicit); explicit consensual sexual content between teenagers.

I was hesitant to add this fic, if I’m being honest. It’s a tough read, but in the end it feels absolutely worth it. I don’t usually like to read explicit sexual content, and much less that of teenage characters, but somehow this fic manages to feel more like learning and adapting than it does dirty (which is to say, I did not feel slimy reading it). That being said, I have not read the next in the series. Read with caution, but if you do, enjoy.

#fic rec #marvel #mcu #tony stark #iron man #peter parker #spider man #james rhodes #rhodey #matt murdock #brett mahoney #loki

[not-close-to-straight]

so i went back and reread the entire MTW universe because i was doing writing research and then got sucked in.

and man.

MAN. i have never loved a series more than that one. it has all of my favorite elements in it, namely, found family in terms of complex poly relationships. i want more so badly, because i need more of all of the complex relationships. i was also thinking super hard about logan and clint, and that i would love to see more of them too because that's such a unique dynamic that i want to put under a microscope

like i've reread MTW like... too many times to count because i love the repetition of the themes between pete and wade. and ofc the yearning and being horny but not giving into it because reason xyz... oh man. oh MAN. and every time i hit that wild cat scene, it hurts just like the first time. (not quite the same because i remember reading it as you updated and then having to wait for the update and just... checking my phone all the time because i NEEDED to know what happened.)

and while i'm here

ahem

I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER MARRIAGE AND MATE CHASES

I DIDNT KNOW I NEEDED A BURN THIS SLOW BUT HOT DAMN IT IS EVERYTHING TO ME

loki being so jealous even though they KNEW this was an eventuality is so sweet. inviting the captain back because they love tony regardless, jealousy burning.

and holy SHIT that scene where tony comes to steve's room???? -fans self- the best jump forward in their relationship, for sure. i cannot wait for steve to wake up in the morning it's going to be SO SWEET (and maybe a little horny...?) i literally lose my shit when i get the update email, it's the best part of my day.

i hope the freak snow wasn't too bad and all the wind didn't scare the animals too bad. it's been crazy warm here for the last few days and it's SO weird, i do not like.

Oh man MTW is my Spideypool Pirate's Heart. As in, it's the Spideypool version of a story that had a very small plot to begin with and escalated to being absolutely monstrous, it had a simple relationship dynamic and then OH LOOK there's multiple romantic arcs and friendships that border on codependent family arcs, it was meant to be mostly in verse as far as the main pairing and storyline and BLEW UP to include mutants and conspiracy theories and a spin off story.

Fun fact about MTW: I actually got the original idea on day when I was chopping kindling for my wood stove? Nothing quite soothes my OCD like a log splitting into clean cut kindling with a real loud CRACK and I thought "huh I bet I could write a scene with one of my characters learning to cut kindling." and literally...MTW was born.

Clint and Logan were such an amazing couple in that fic. I got halfway into writing them and thought "damn I can't separate them" and introduced reincarnation into the verse specifically to make sure Logan always had Clint at his side. And then of course it worked out for the Vanessa storyline too. The whole thing with Cable was really intense too. I just love that character so much and the way he was so intense with Peter? Adored it.

The wild cat scene! That was hard to write and edit but I felt like it turned out SO GOOD. And the whole motif of "Can you feel me/I can't feel you" is so incredible. I love everything about their romance.

MAMC! I can't wait to get back into it. Between being so sick the last few weeks and the actually insane weather we've been having I've had power outages/no internet for the better part of the week which means I've been trying to peck at the story on my phone app and it is SLOW going. But I'm super ready to get back into it today. I have GREAT plans for this upcoming chapter!

[postwarlevi]

Jack Sparrow or Norrington?

Will Turner or Elizabeth?

Natasha or Hawkeye?

Bucky Barnes or Sam Wilson?

Bruce Banner or Tony Stark?

Peter Parker or Miles Morales?

Barbosa or Davy Jones?

Cat I promise I have your other things saved to get to soon <3 But first!

Jack Sparrow or Norrington? Jack is hilarious and I love him but don't want to date him, it's too much! I'll take Norrington because really he's not a bad guy!

Will Turner or Elizabeth? Elizabeth is a great character but I've had a crush on Will since the beginning! He's pretty noble and trustworthy, and fights for the girl he loves!

Natasha or Hawkeye? Ah NO! Okay I'm saying Natasha, she is one strong woman and what would I have to worry about? Nothing! We've seen she is very caring and could be in a relationship (can we talk about the fact that she has more chemistry with Steve then Bruce? Just saying) But Hawkeye is really close in the running!

Bucky Barnes or Sam Wilson? Again, whhhhhyy?? I'll go with Bucky, I want to be the reason he's okay <3 I was going to add his friendship with Steve but Sam has that too!

Bruce Banner or Tony Stark? Bruce is a great person but doesn't do anything for me. Give me that sarcastic, moody, egotistical jerk who loves his friends and family!

Peter Parker or Miles Morales? By default I have to go Peter Parker because I don't know the character Miles (sorry!) Since our current Peter (barring the newest movie no spoilers please!) is 16 I'll go with the Tobey Maguire version.

Barbosa or Davy Jones? I love Barbosas character! He's got such a cool undead look! I was excited to see his character! Besides, I don't want to date a squid. LOL

2 characters to date

#ask game answers #moots #moots housecat #disney owned version #send me disney stuff

[superghfan]

Okay, here comes another opinion, and this is a long one. 

What is the point of Austin Holt? Roger Howarth’s evolution on GH has always puzzled me. First, he arrived on the scene as OLTL’s popular Todd Manning. Since OLTL had been cancelled, I thought this was a brilliant addition to the show. Todd was popular and Howarth was well known as a fantastic actor who’s character had overcome a turbulent past to get where he was (like Luke Spencer). 

Alas, this was not meant to be. For whatever reason, Todd left the show and Howarth reappeared as a recast Franco, having been taken over from James Franco. Franco too had a turbulent beginning but after it was known that he’d had a brain tumor that had made him act badly towards others, and along with the love of good girl Elizabeth Webber and her boys, Franco became a well liked character and family man. 

Again, this was not to last. At the height of his popularity, Franco was gunned down by Peter August, much to the shock of his fans (myself included). There had been a lot of rumors that Howarth was leaving GH, then he wasn’t, then he was. Finally, after Franco was killed, along came Austin Holt, or Gatlin-Holt, son of the infamous Quartermaine cast off Jimmy Lee Holt, the illegitimate son of Edward Quartermaine. 

Since then, Austin’s story has been dragged out and a bit confusing. First, he show up in town as a Granola munching, nature loving doctor who owned a lot of property in in the small town of Pautauk in upstate New York. He finds Maxie Jones in labor in the woods, helps her give birth and gets hit on the head for his troubles. When his identity (Austin Gatlin-Holt) was discovered, he decided to go after the Q fortune (to avenge the way his Dad was treated), but backs out when Brook Lynn blackmails him over his medical ethics. Then that was it. Oh he declared war on Brook Lynn and said that this wasn't over, except it was. He was completely out of the Q story, never mind that he’s a cousin, just nothing. Then he starts up a totally boring relationship with Maxie (I’m sorry, those two have zero chemistry).

As his relationship with Maxie continued to grow (snore), a mystery man pops up in Austin’s life. This mystery man is named Mason (or so Austin says). Mason reminds Austin that the mission has failed. He orders Austin back to Pautauk, and Austin reluctantly agrees, after he returns, he blackmails Spinelli to use Society Setups (a dating app that Spinelli secretly runs) to prove to Maxie that they are a perfect match. It fails however as Maxie learns of his deception and currently wonders if he’s the man for her (he’s not!) Since then, the story with Mason and Austin’s past has dragged on and been overshadowed by the Port Charles Hooker (I should come up with another name). 

My point is, I loved the character of Franco. I loved that he had a good relationship with his stepsons who truly mourned his passing, his loving relationship with Elizabeth (with whom he had incredible chemistry) and with his father Scott Baldwin.

Plus, the return of Drew Cain (another bad recast), who Franco thought of as a brother, was yet another plot line that went unexplored. 

The reason behind Howarth’s leaving the show is mysterious, there were rumors that he didn’t like Franco’s torturous history (I thought actors loved that sort of thing) but the character of Austin has just not caught on with viewers. His relationship with Maxie is not a hit with fans either and many want to see him return as Franco (it can be done you know, maybe some sinister person faked his death-I’m telling you, it can be done).

Actors leaving popular characters and returning to inhabit new characters NEVER works. Noted examples of this is Tony Geary, the legendary actor returned to GH after leaving Luke Spencer behind years prior to become Bill Eckert. A mysterious man who returns to Port Charles to be near his working class family and his son Sly. The character never caught on, despite the show throwing him together with Luke’s former love Holly Sutton. Soon, Bill was killed and Luke Spencer returned.

Then came Claudia Zacchara , the daughter of a mobster. The character was played by uber-popular Sarah Joy Brown. Sarah debuted as Carly Benson and her character schemed her way to becoming the wife of mobster Sonny Corinthos. After Brown left the show, it was taken over by many actresses, finally by Laura Wright, who made Carly her own. Then Brown announced she would return as Claudia. However, it was confusing to have both actresses on, and fans couldn’t accept Brown as anyone else but Carly and the character of Claudia was killed off after stealing Carly’s baby (in an episode that felt like The Twilight Zone).

Finally, came Austin Gatlin-Holt. You’d think by now the show runners would understand that there is something very special about a character that catches on with the audience and trying to recreate that magic after the actor has left the show is impossible.

I don’t know what will happen with Austin (nor do I really care at this point). I do think the character can be saved, but it will take some thinking on the part of the writers and the actor himself, and for God sake, give him a new love interest!

#austin holt #general hospital #opinion

[freelancertamal32]

Better Call Saul, the crime drama that serves as a prequel to Breaking Bad and which premiered its season 6 two weeks in the past, aired episode 3 on the AMC broadcast community final Monday, and featured one of the heartbreaking scenes in the entire historical past of the profitable program. The demise of one in all his major characters left viewers marked, not solely due to the best way he died, however due to how early it occurred. (Episode 3 spoilers) Ahead of the discharge of the sixth and remaining installment of Better Call Saul, Bob Odenkirk, who performs Saul Goodman, and the drama’s co-creator Peter Gould admitted that Season 6 of the crime drama could be a blast, and that’s precisely what they anticipate. It has been occurring because the starting of this remaining a part of the story that started in 2015. With Better Call Saul Season 6 Episode 3, followers have been shocked by the demise of Nacho Varga (Michael Mando), one of many major characters who earned the respect of not solely Mike Ehrmantraut (Jonathan Banks), but in addition that of the followers who remained hooked on his story and the virtuous relationship he had along with his father. Better Call Saul followers knew that Nacho Varga would discover himself head to head with demise at any second, after what he did on the finish of season 5 when he was a direct participant within the ambush of Lalo Salamanca (Tony Dalton), ready by Gustavo Fring (Giancarlo Esposito). But, what nobody imagined was that he would get it so quickly within the sixth installment. With what occurred to Nacho Varga in episode 3 of the sixth and remaining installment of Better Call saul, it's the first time that the demise of a major character has occurred so early in a season of your complete Breaking Bad universe. In this sense, Gordon Smith, the author of the fateful episode, defined the explanation why they determined to get rid of the character simply beginning season 6. Let’s do not forget that season 6 of Better Call Saul begins with Nacho Varga on the run. After serving to in an assassination try on Lalo Salamanca, his life is in grave hazard. The command character communicates with Mike Ehrmantraut, who helps him get to a lodge to cover. However, he ultimately realizes that Gustavo Fring set him as much as die in that motel, one thing Mike knew all alongside. The fact is that Nacho was misplaced in Better Call Saul. With his sure demise in season 6, if the Salamancas didn't execute it, however there was Gustavo Fring, who didn't need the character to stay alive after the failed assassination try in opposition to Lalo. However, Nacho didn't enable any of them to kill him. He himself dedicated suicide. “At a certain point, we knew we were reaching our end, and it felt better to send it off in grand style and find a way that made sense,” Smith advised The Hollywood Reporter. “It seemed that his luck had run out, and this gave him the opportunity to go out on his own terms. So this made sense for the story and for the character not to feel like a vampire.” “I think you’d get tired of just seeing him run away and get out of trouble. She just wouldn’t have done the character justice. He no longer played the two extremes against the middle; both ends were now coming after him. So how long could he handle that and keep his head above water and keep his father alive? So we felt that we would better serve the character by sending him out earlier.” “As you know, we don’t really put our marker on something and write to it. We let it break where the story was breaking, and this episode felt like the snippet in which to do this Viking funeral for Nacho.” Smith added, “If there were enough twists that didn’t feel repetitive or the character was floating on water, I think we would have been happy to extend it, but it didn’t occur to us. So we planted our feet and took our swing.” (function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(d.getElementById(id))return;js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[ao3feed-irondadspiderson]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43796806

New Beginnings by IronMum “Can I take the mask off Captain PJs?” Tony asked as he peered down, noting the ragged breaths. “No,” Peter clipped back, more so out of the excruciating pain wracking his body than sass for once. “That’s unfortunate cause I’m going too anyway.” “Why even ask then, Tin Can?” Tony simply snorted at the nickname, before hooking his fingers under the mangled mask's edge and carefully pried it away. Peter clenched his eyes closed as the fabric tugged at a cut that had already started healing on his cheek. Any other bad guy would’ve faced much harsher treatment from Tony but he’d his suspicions that they were dealing with someone on the younger side. or: Following his escape from the clutches of Hydra, Peter Parker finds himself in the hands of Avengers. Words: 4204, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Iron Man (Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Helen Cho, Stephen Strange, Cloak of Levitation - Character, F.R.I.D.A.Y. Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Additional Tags: The Friendly Neighborhood Exchange 2022, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Protective Tony Stark, Irondad, spiderson, Recovery, Hurt/Comfort

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #iron dad and spider son #spider son #iron dad #peter parker #tony stark

[cblgblog]

I have just…so many problems with Irondad, some of which I’ve seen expressed already, some not, and I need to say this at least once.

I don’t believe the common anti-Irondad thing that says Tony never cared about Peter. He did, in his very Tony, very problematic way. He loves Peter, I think, very much the way Howard loved him. We only got glimpses of Howard as a dad, mostly from Tony’s perspective, but we can make assumptions here. Howard probably thought Tony was the greatest thing in the world, and a blast to hang out with. Whenever Howard wanted to be a dad. He would’ve loved teaching Tony things, showing him off, having fun with him. But when Howard didn’t want to hang out? When Howard was working on something important? No, sorry, dad mode off, go away, Maria come get him. We see that with Peter and Tony. All Peter wants is acceptance, another mission with Tony. He wants validation. But he can’t even reach Tony because Tony’s put Happy in charge of him, and Happy doesn’t want to deal with some stupid kid in Queens, at least during Homecoming. It’s a very Howard move, parenting/mentoring when it’s convenient.

Which, you know what? Not in and of itself horrible. Tony would learn what he lived, and follow it. It makes sense, generational patterns and all that. It could’ve led to an interesting story, about Peter or someone else in Tony’s life pointing out the parallels, and then Tony has a moment of realization and tries to correct. I wouldn’t have loved that story, because Peter’s storyline being so connected with Tony’s at the expense of his own has always bothered me, but it could’ve been done decently.

What do we get instead? We get Tony paying lip service in Homecoming to wanting to break the cycle, and then totally failing at that 5 minutes later. He was mad, he was scared, that’s legit. People say unfair things when they’re reacting out of fear. But he tears Peter down for what happened on the ferry, and makes him feel like shit. Why? Because Tony had the FBI involved, Peter was meant to stay away, and he didn’t. Well how the hell was Peter supposed to know that? He can’t talk to Tony at all. Happy’s been ghosting him for months. The last time he thought Tony was there for him, it was one of the suits, Tony was still off in Tony’s world. How would Peter ever think that Tony had heard him this time, and was taking action? Tony didn’t tell him as much. Happy didn’t. All either of them would need to do is send a text saying hey, I hear you, I’m on this, I have people on this. But Tony is Tony, he can’t tie his shoes without Pepper, and he has either a hyperfixated attention span, or none at all, depending on the day. He either forgot to tell Peter, or worse, didn’t think it necessary. And if he was a proper mentor, if he knew Peter at all, he would know that Peter’s sense of responsibility was going to kick in there, unless he had reason to believe things were going to be okay without him.

Tony doesn’t know Peter. He puts an instant kill function on a 15-year-old kid’s suit because he thinks it’s a cool feature, and he enjoys building cool things. If he knew Peter at all, Tony would know that Peter’s a no kill hero. You can argue that those advanced features weren’t meant to be hacked into, so it’s not Tony’s fault. Except it is. Tony admits in CW that he hacked the Pentagon in high school on a dare. He knows that genius boys do stupid things. He knows teenagers don’t follow rules. He knows that if you tell a kid not to do a thing, you’re just guaranteeing he’ll want to do it more now. Tony may not know exactly how smart Peter is (I’m sure he doesn’t), but he has enough of an idea that safety measures, actual measures, should’ve been in place. Instead of a hackable training wheels protocol? Just keep those features off his first suit, save them for the next model, when the kid’s ready. We know Tony doesn’t mind building new models of suits. But Tony doesn’t do that, because Tony.

Yeah, the instant kill came in handy in Endgame against Thanos’s army. Still doesn’t make it okay.

Again, it reeks of Howard style parenting. You didn’t use this awesome thing I gave you right? Here then, I’m taking it away. No talks, no explanations or compromise or Tony training Peter to avoid the mistakes he so wants Peter to avoid, just, we’re done. Which is exactly how Howard probably would’ve handled it. I let you in my lab once and you broke something you didn’t know how to use? Okay, well, never doing that again.

To be clear, I don’t blame Tony for yanking the suit, exactly. It was a very human, kneejerk reaction. And more importantly, it allowed Peter to show that he did not need Tony’s toys to be a hero. The problem is that Tony, as usual, never gets to realize his mistakes. Peter yells at him a little right before the suit gets taken about not being listened to, but Tony doesn’t retain any of it. It doesn’t matter. He never has a moment of, what I did here was not okay and this is why. What do we get instead? Him telling Peter at the end of Homecoming how Peter screwed up, but hey, you fixed it. You were dumb, but you fixed it. No acknowledgement that Tony screwed up anything. Because, of course not. The lesson for Tony isn’t hey, I went too fast with this kid, he wasn’t ready, I didn’t prepare him. There is no lesson. Tony, as in basically every appearance since Iron Man 3, learns nothing.

Oh, and the Homecoming ending. Yeah. Tony sees no problem with having a 15-year-old move into the mansion and go full-time Avenger. His aunt, his guardian? Nah, why would she mind that, it’s fine.

I’ve talked elsewhere about my problems with Infinity War Irondad, but basically, most of Tony’s interaction with Peter there involves telling him to shut up, the grownups are talking, you’re not supposed to be here, you’re too young and dumb. Even when Peter absolutely helps the team. Also, too young and dumb? He wasn’t 5 minutes ago, when you were going to make him an Avenger, and he was the one smart enough to realize this was a bad idea. Tony’s so mad Peter didn’t listen to him and go home. If he’d truly listened, he’d have been an Avenger at the start of the film, so he’d be there anyway.

The dusting scene with him and Peter? It hurt. It was brutal and beautiful. That’s because Tom Holland, and yes, RDJ, can act, not because it was earned by the narrative of the last three movies.

As for Endgame. That photo Tony has of him and Peter goofing off. So cute, right? Probably taken at some point before May knew the truth, as a hey, we need a cover story for your aunt, but, you know,  it’s fine. I don’t doubt Tony loved Peter. That he grieved Peter and felt his loss for 5 years, and maybe that’s part of why he’s such a good dad to Morgan. But he didn’t love Peter the right way. He did it selectively. He missed him when he was gone, but didn’t pay enough attention when he was alive. The hug near the end was beautiful, but unearned.

And then there’s May and Ben. May does not deserve to be villainized, killed off, or flat-out ignored the way she is in so many fanon interpretations just so Irondad can be a thing. May helped Peter prepare for his homecoming dance last minute. She got him dressed, taught him how to tie a tie, taught him to dance. All while Tony was back to ignoring him. But assume for a second that this had happened earlier, when Peter was still technically in Tony’s good books. Assume for a second that he’d been able to reach Tony and ask for advice, because he’s scared and excited and needs help. Tony would’ve made a few jokes about spiked punch, a few more crude, sexist jokes about Peter’s date, and signed off. May dropped everything and spent hours helping this kid, reassuring him. May is so unappreciated and flat-out abused by some of the fanbase, and it’s gross.

And Ben. Who’s Ben? Have we even heard his name in any of the movies Peter’s appeared in yet? Oh, we got his initials on a suitcase in FFH, not even a verbal acknowledgement. Great. I am not advocating an origin story. We’ve seen it, we know the basics, it’s fine. But Ben has been shown, for almost 60 years, to be the most influential person in Peter’s life. Losing Ben the way he did shaped Peter’s whole life afterward. And we have yet to see a photo? An old video? A 30 second flashback scene? We don’t know any of the MCU’s version of how Ben was killed. At all. Are they for some reason going with a rewrite where Peter had nothing to do with it? Don’t know, because it’s been 5 movies so far and they’ve given us nothing. Ben’s death regularly tops lists of the most influential deaths in comics, and we have nothing. Instead we get scene after scene of Tony perpetuating a dysfunctional relationship with Peter, and never facing consequences, or even realizing it.

By the way? Ben, if he’s anything like any canon version ever, would hate Tony. Ben is consistently shown before his death to be a very hands-on parent. He doesn’t understand most of Peter’s science stuff, but he encourages it, and stays involved as much as he can. He, barring a truly monumental canon rewrite that we know nothing about if it happened, taught Peter that great power means great responsibility. Contrast this with Tony, who as stated, pays more attention to building Peter cool suits than he does Peter. Who, on being confronted by a mother about the death of her son, caused by him, does what? Immediately wants to shift all responsibility to the government, so that the next time he screws up, he can say he was just following the law. Who was confronted by a grieving mother, and then 5 minutes later came into May Parker’s home and lied to her face. Something he continued to do, and would’ve continued, if May hadn’t found the truth on her own. He lies to her, takes her underage son (yes I’m saying son because she and Ben raised that boy, not Tony) out of the country without her knowledge. He threatened to reveal Peter’s identity to get him there. He does not tell Peter that the Accords would’ve done that anyway. He doesn’t tell Peter much of anything about why he’s there or what he’s fighting for. Either because he knows that telling the truth means not having Peter on his side, or because he simply doesn’t care to. Either way is gross, manipulative, disgusting, and would have Ben Parker rolling in his grave.

Yeah, it was fun having Peter in CW. Some of his scenes with Tony are genuinely fun. The above points though? Still stand.

So yeah, Irondad. in theory, okay. It makes sense that Peter would want guidance, a mentor after Ben died. It makes sense he’d look up to Tony. They could have addressed Howard’s shitty parenting via Tony’s shitty parenting, and maybe told an interesting story with it by contrasting Tony’s parenting style to Ben’s. Irondad in actual canon? There’s no parenting. There’s child endangerment, verbal abuse, and no payoff to any of it. The most we get is Happy admitting in FFH that Tony was a mess, but not for all the right reasons. He gets called out for other things, if you can even say he’s called out. Not for his awful treatment of an impressionable minor who’d lost his real father (Ben, assuming they stick with comics and have Peter lose his parents at a very young age).

I will never stop saying that Peter deserved better. I hope he gets it now that Tony’s gone.

#anti irondad #anti tony stark #at least tony's individual story started out good #Peter and Tony had a bad relationship to begin with #peter parker

[natsfirecat]

Midnight Kisses

summary: nat wants to kiss r on her birthday

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem Stark!reader

word count: 1k

warnings: none, lmk if i need to add any!

A/N: yes, this is in the queue for midnight on my own birthday tyvm. ya girl is 18 on the 18th (golden birthday ayyyyy) so by the time you’re reading this i’ve joined the oldie leagues 😌 (ok i originally came up with this idea for like a new year’s fic but i didnt wanna wait that long to write it so i figured it’d be fun to make it a birthday fic then post on my own birthday ok thats all hope yall enjoy!)

"What did you wish for?" Peter asked.

You shrugged, smirking as you ate a bite of cake.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Your father laughed, quickly leaning into your side as he took a picture of you together. You both held up peace signs before you had another bite of cake.

Across the table, your girlfriend stretched her leg out so her knee touched yours. You and Natasha exchanged smirks, wishing for nothing more than to kiss right then and there.

You couldn't though, because no one else knew about your relationship. Tony would freak out if he found out his coworker was dating his daughter, so you mostly just snuck around.

You were both okay with the arrangement, but it was times like there where you wished you were open about being together. Your girlfriend wanted to kiss you on your birthday, but she couldn't even do that.

It was just past 9:00 PM, and you had spent the entire day at the Avengers Compound. By the look on your father's face, the party was just beginning.

-

Being a Stark definitely entailed a big celebration for birthdays. So it wasn't much of a surprise that things didn't die down until just after midnight.

You said goodbye to everyone, then began making your way back to your room. You yawned as you walked, definitely ready for bed.

Just as you were about to open the door to your room, you felt someone grab your hand and pull you toward them. You twirled, letting out a squeal as you found yourself against Natasha's chest.

She pulled you into the storage closet, closing the door behind her.

"Hi, Natty," you said with a giggle.

She looked upset. You noticed her frown, feeling your face drop too.

"What's wrong?" You asked her.

"I didn't get to kiss you on your birthday..." she said quietly, looking down. "It's your first birthday that we're together, and I wasn't able to kiss you at all today. And now it's past midnight,"

You couldn't help but feel your heart melt at how bad your girlfriend wanted to show affection for you on your birthday. You really did get lucky when you fell for Natasha Romanoff.

"I'm sorry, Natty," you said, then perked up. "Wait! I've got an idea!"

She tilted her head to the side, but you said nothing as you grabbed her wrist and left the storage closet. You dragged her down the halls, and back through the compound.

Soon enough, you were standing near the Quinjet.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

You smiled.

"It may not be my birthday here anymore, but it's still Y/B/D in a few other timezones,"

She laughed, shaking her head in amusement.

"Come on! Do you wanna kiss me on my birthday or not?"

She let out a slow breath, bringing her hands up to cup your face.

"Of course I do, Y/N/N,"

You grinned.

"Then let's go!"

"Okay,"

You smiled triumphantly, grabbing her hand again as you led her onto the Quinjet.

"FRIDAY," you said as everything powered up. "If anyone asks, say I'm getting a two-bed hotel room as a last minute birthday gift,"

"Of course, Miss Stark,"

Your girlfriend raised an eyebrow.

"Two beds?"

"It's not like we'll be using the second one," you said with a shrug.

"True,"

You smiled, leaning forward to kiss her. Much to your surprise, she stepped away.

"Natty," you said, pressing your eyebrows together.

"I'm not kissing you until it's your birthday, detka," she said with a smirk. "So we better get going unless you plan on waiting a year for that,"

You instantly sat down and began putting in controls. You needed to make this deadline.

In New York, it was 12:27 AM, so you could probably make it to Pacific Time Zone with enough time to spare.

Even if your girlfriend wouldn't kiss you, she still pulled you into her lap and wrapped her arms around you. She placed her hands over yours, gently tracing patterns against the back of your hands with her thumbs.

You leaned back, allowing your head to rest against her chest.

"I love you, Natty,"

"I love you too, Y/N/N,"

"Then kiss me!"

"Nope,"

"Hmph,"

Yeah, you really needed to make this deadline.

-

You ended up falling asleep in her lap with her arms around you. She woke you up, resisting the urge to kiss the top of your head when the Quinjet landed.

You walked hand-in-hand to the hotel. You were grateful she did most of the talking, seeing as you were still practically half-asleep.

When they handed her the key, she kept her other hand attached to yours as you made your way through the halls.

In the elevator, you got your phone out to check the time.

11:52 PM

You still had some time.

By the time you got to your floor, found the room, and unlocked it, four minutes had passed.

You held your phone up to Natasha, showing her the time.

She smirked, reaching your upper thighs to pick you up and carry you to one of the beds.

Another minute passed.

For what had to be at least a minute, she stared at you in silence. A small smile crept across her face as she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Happy birthday, Y/N/N,"

She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against yours. You wrapped your legs around her waist to pull her closer, melting into the kiss.

You only broke apart at the sound of an alarm. Natasha rolled her eyes at the sound, grabbing her phone to turn the alarm off.

"We made the deadline," you said with a grin.

"Indeed,"

She placed her phone on the nightstand, then leaned forward to kiss you again.

You've had a lot of birthdays in your life, but the best was the one was when the love of your life kissed you in a way that showed just how much she cared for you.

-

taglist: @lyak12 @thewidowsghost @murderisthesolution @zombies1ayea @plasticl0ve @romanoffscottage @atlas-nex @plasticnacho @ria900 @readings-stuff @nats-dreamland @chiyongberry @xxromanoffxx @milfloverslut @gimaximoff @marvels-black-widow @adi06lena

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x stark!reader #natasha romanoff x stark reader #natasha romanoff fluff #soft!natasha romanoff #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x fem reader #black widow x fem!reader #black widow x female reader #black widow x stark!reader #black widow x stark reader #black widow fluff #tony stark x daughter!reader #natalia alianovna romanova

[nightowlwriting]

summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers/reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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