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redpiperfox · 2 years

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It is a good idea, I think, to organize and verbalize one's thoughts when words and organization are suddenly available. To one. That one being me.

I admitted to myself a couple nights ago that ᴵ ᵐᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵇᵉ ᵇᵘʳⁿᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ and after a proper breakdown, I find myself in a multitude of clear and rational thoughts of processing that had escaped me for so many weeks.

So basically, I present:

Ranting, but Maturely and Diplomatically, and using two songs to Convey Emotional Processing, because I am a Nerd and a Philosopher and have No Business being in a Science Field as my major

An Essay by Red

I am not a person taken by regret.

It doesn't fit in my worldview, my faith, or my personality. Granted, I might be a little extreme about it, but I genuinely find no good reason to look back on things with anything but gratitude and respect.

As a Christian, this stems from the simple idea that God is good, God does good, and the tapestry looks ugly on this side, but hey, He sent Joseph to slavery, Job through extreme loss and depression, and Jesus to the cross, and look at the beautiful stories He weaved from that. Who is the clay to shake it's fist at the potter, y'know?

But it is very, /very/ hard not to look at things and be regretful these days.

In summary, I am three out of four years into a program that looked very shiny and new when I applied. Currently, past me is looking very naive, and should have kept her nose to the ground and did what everyone else did and joined an established program.

...But I won't say that to past me, and I won't let current me dwell on it.

Allow me, if you will, to bring you through a very difficult path with two songs.

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I did not vibe with this song when I first heard it. Again, regret? Resentment? Doesn't sit well with me. But today...

I do a funny thing where I rewrite romances into metaphors. I'm able to breathe a lot of TSwift easily this way-- she's a brilliant lyricist who writes one thing and paints it with such emotion that it becomes relatable no matter how outrageously unique the situation or story is.

My story is grief over my major. This beautiful new chapter of my life, which cost a little extra to get into, a little extra hope that the program would take off, and had a little bit of forbidden intrigue to hook me in.

Would've, could've, should've played it safe, but she danced with the devil to play with destiny and chance.

Where I find myself stuck in a time loop, is in the mournful heartsong between the bridge and the last chorus.

This year has already pulled me away from fellowship in the Church, from staying and ministering to people, from serving, from being emotionally available to people who I know need me, and yes, I would've stayed on my knees, in a solid and secure place if I hadn't made this gamble and found every hour suddenly something precious that no longer belongs to me. It belongs to my books, my lessons, these modules, to studying more, harder, faster.

Nineteen tipped from romantics to harsh reality.

Girlhood has officially been ripped from my fingers, replaced by the stress of adulthood. Give it back, it was mine.

I can't sleep well, I'm tired during the day-- the list goes on. A good description of my feelings? Sit with an empty head and let Taylor's panicked voice in the chorus and bridge and the breathlessness towards the end wash over you. It's like defending the unworthy, tripping over my words and falling short, because I really had no idea what was in store for me.

Honest truth? Being busy was fun the first two years. Being in uniform is bedazzling. Being in the workforce is amazing.

But "now that I'm old, I'm scared of ghosts." And let me tell you-- I fear nothing. Past and present. Another personality and worldview thing, I suppose. But this year?

Why hello there spontaneous anxiety, where did you come from? Oh, lack of sleep and overwhelming workload let you in?

How rude, they didn't ask me first.

Perhaps it was when the professors said we needed to learn to cope differently than most, or implied burn out would happen sooner than we expected, but I got lost somewhere in the punchline.

What do you mean this feeling of my soul slipping through my fingers doesn't end? I thought school was the hard part?

Memories of college life are going to haunt me. I have nothing but tears to bring out of this.

Taylor's wailing hit something deep in me today, and twisted it till I found out I was bleeding.

...but then?

For my soul, I sat in on Bible Study (my dad teaches and it's in our home), red eyed and exhausted, and we were in the passage of one woman who falls at the feet of Jesus and weeps, annointing his feet with expensive oil.

It reminded me of another song.

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(God bless this man)

Another amazing lyricist, but I'm going to start with the music.

The song begins lamenting, like a funeral dirge, low and sorrowful. It's /crawling/ with grief, and drags us where we're told to be, with little hope or sight or joy about it.

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." But it's before we know what we're getting. "Look upon the bronze serpant" but we don't know we'll be saved.

I woke up Wednesday morning to my alarm, real early, with a full day ahead of me. I love Wednesdays, but not this Wednesday. I was pretty sure I was going to pass out at the most and maybe fall asleep at the wheel at the least.

"Lord, strength. Just give me strength."

Simple line, little prayer in my head, because the only thing I knew to do in weariness was to pray. I was so tired.

He sent a possum to scurry across the road to wake me in the morning, and a truck to nearly kill me in the afternoon. In between? A lady who was very confused and a little boy who couldn't keep still. Oh, and a music lesson where my fingers remembered more than my mind. And a review session where I was given plenty of chocolate to keep me awake.

I lived to tell the tale, so I think He gave me what I needed...? XP

The song builds to another bridge that I find myself caught in: the key shifts, the lights turn on, and the singer lifts his eyes and realizes--

Coming to the feet of Jesus isn't /just/ to lay your burdens down. It isn't /just/ to pray for deliverance and ask in supplication. It isn't /just/ to mourn.

One might come to do that, but once I am on my knees, and my burdens are lifted, my eyes are able to look up, and /see/.

I've seen the darkness and muck and corruption, and when I look up, how much brighter! How much fuller! How much more overwhelming in beauty!

Lament turns to worship, there at the feet of Jesus.

Who looks back on that tapestry, and smiles at whatever it's being made to, while I walk through every stitch as faithfully as I can.

Hallelujah, there's no place for regret here.

Hallelujah, there's no room for remorse.

Hallelujah, /look at how beautiful/.

I'll stop there to keep from preaching.

It's by no means a solution.

Am I still exhausted? Yes.

Has this made my workload go away? No.

Do I feel a little less burnt out? ...ᴹᵃʸᵇᵉ

But I sat today, after three or more weeks of a long process of burn out, that certainly doesn't magically evaporate today, I found my tears marking a tipping point.

My words, which had been held captive under some spell of anxiety, had suddenly come loose. Emotional stagnation finally burst into a thousand little fires which I can /feel/ and be burned by. The skin is sensitive and raw, but that means its human.

And I can sink back into what it feels like to be me.

I don't regret being here. I can only look down at my feet...

...and make the next right step. Knowing it's already laid out for me.

#ignore red #red's personal sitcom #theological #music analysis #personal #Youtube

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finlayheartonfilm · 12 days

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Film Project - Critical Essay - Finlay Hearton

When reflecting on our ROADKILL, both in regards to the creative process, and the final film, it’s important to consider the intentions and incentives that led me to the project. One major appeal that drew me towards ROADKILL was its potential to explore the sense of place found between our two lead characters’ relationship. My intention going into production was to create this effect through identification with characters, characterisation through location, and encouraging engaging performances. As the producer for ROADKILL – I wanted to try to locate the right cast, and the right location, to give a platform for the crew to create the film we set out to make. When reflecting on my contributions and engagement with the process of producing ROADKILL, I would argue that ‘success’ comes down to those three points. I would say I was fully engaged with the project throughout – the film presented many unique production challenges but, through my own contribution and the other members of crew I feel we were successful in meeting them. In particular, scouting and contacting Jorgie and Lewis (our actors), and locating Rebeca’s house stand out as points I’m particularly proud of. I maintained regular communication with Rebecca, keeping her informed on the pre-production process and our plans for the house. Alongside this, I went to visit her on two occasions, and offered her son (a Glasgow film student) a role on set. This allowed her to feel fully comfortable with myself, and with the project at large. Both actors had numerous rehearsals with our director, scheduling this time for the three of them to work together allowed the performances to be nailed down, and meant that by the time we came to filming, all three were comfortable and confident within their roles. I feel that I maintained good communication with the crew, particularly with Hayley (writer) and Alfie (Director), which allowed for a smoother production process. Selecting crew members that I believed would work together in a positive and respectful way is another aspect in which I feel my contribution was constructive. ROADKILL maintained a respectful, positive, and professional atmosphere on set, which is my personal proudest achievement regarding the film. An aspect in which my contribution could have improved was in post-production – while I did maintain communication with both Euan and Hazel (Edit and sound respectively), I feel this could have had more communication. I personally believe that with the stress of placements, issues with the edit, and other modules, both Hazel and Euan would have appreciated some extra support. Going forward with future projects I plan to schedule regular check-in with members of the post-production team, not only in order to check on the work being done, but also on how the crew members are personally doing. Overall, if I were to reflect on my contribution to the project, it would be positive. I feel I maintained a good level of engagement throughout the process, constantly engaging with the work required at all given points. This, combined with maintaining a constant line of communication with the crew, and selecting a good location, cast, and crew, stands out in my view as the strengths of my contribution. However, I think my contribution could have been improved in relation to the post-production of the film. A reduction in the level of communication following the shoot allowed certain deadlines to be missed, increasing the stress and speed needed for the film’s post-production to be successful.

Moving beyond the process, it is necessary to reflect upon the film itself. ROADKILL in its current state is a thriller, it follows Lewis and Bruce, a young married couple who hit a pedestrian with their car. The couple enter into an argument which follows them around their home, culminating in Linda murdering Bruce, before burying him in the same forest that they had previously buried the initial victim. In my opinion, the major strength of the film lies in the performances. Lewis and Jorgie are fantastic throughout the film, and their performances carry the tension over the runtime of the film. Jorgie’s facial expression and physical acting in particular communicate so much emotion Lewis plays the counterpart, perfectly encapsulating the manipulative, campy tone we wanted, providing the necessary moments of humour throughout the film. This serves to keep the film from potentially becoming too overbearing with the necessary tension and tone. The location also aids the film, the house’s spacious layout gives a lot of room for actors to move, giving the whole scene a lot of energy and engagement. The changing locations keep the film interesting, while it would have been easy to set the film in one single room, Production design and camera did a fantastic job of constantly dressing and lighting the new locations. One weakness of the film is the occasional gaps in dialogue when moving from room to room. This is most evident when Bruce and Linda leave the living room, the pause before Linda’s “stop calling me Lulu” line deflates some of the film’s tension – right before the climax. Despite this, the tension remains one of the film’s biggest strengths. Successfully maintaining that constant tension throughout the film keeps the audience engaged. I’d argue this isn’t down to one specific department, the use of camera, sound, production design and smooth cuts work together to carry the tension. A second weakness I would say of the film is, at points, I believe the grade is too dark, obscuring both Jorgie and Lewis’s performance. This is particularly evident in the bathroom scenes. Luckily, both myself, Aflie, Hayley, and Gus have been in discussion, and plan to regrade the film.

The goal from the outset of creating ROADKILL was to place the viewer between Bruce and Linda – fully immersed within that sense of place. The question then is, how successful were we in achieving this effect? The previously mentioned strength of both the performances and location really aids this process – placing the viewer within a believable world, filled with two believable characters. Gus, the DoP, made an excellent choice shooting the film handheld, helping to immerse the audience further. Myself, Alfie, and Hayley had frequent conversations regarding the POV shots throughout the film. The use of these shots help’s to establish the principle of identification we aimed for, and opening and ending on the same POV shot, but from different characters gives the film a nice level of narrative cohesion. This use of POV serves, in my opinion, as a creative method of creating this immersion within the relationship. As mentioned before, the gaps in dialogue cause some issues with this immersion. These gaps pause the flow of the dialogue, giving the film a staged feel at these moments. Similarly, one point that was raised during the crit for the film, was the blocking in the second bathroom scene. Having Lewis seemingly stop for no reason gives the feeling he’s hit a mark, standing in a strange spot for seemingly no reason. Holding on this shot exacerbates this issue, building the audience’s expectation something is going to happen, and thus making the kill even less of a suprise. We attempted to circumvent this issue by cutting between Bruce and his phone, but the blocking and length of the shot mean that this issue is still present.

So, does ROADKILL meet the intentions that we set it out with? In my personal view, I would say yes. Overall I feel the film has an impressive technical quality – particularly due to some fantastic camera work from Gus, and some lovely production design and sound from Saoirse and Hazel. This acts as an example, demonstrating how the film meets the required technical and professional standards I believe this can be seen throughout the entire film, but as an example, I think the blocking, dialogue, and performances in the kitchen scene stand out. I also believe the film succeeds with the idea of identification and immersing the audience in the relationship between Bruce and Linda. While certain aspects of the film could be improved, such as the pauses in dialogue and issues with colour. Overall I feel the crew did an excellent job building this sense of place, the visual storytelling and characterisation from the set dressing and location serving as an example. This culminates at the end of the film, where Bruce’s burial is shot from his POV, literally placing the audience's viewpoint from his perspective. I believe this identification, combined with the technical standard, and performances of Jorgie and Lewis creates a film that successfully and effectively engages with the audience, holding their attention.

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emilydaisymasters · 17 days

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Finishing the Essay & Thoughts

Today, I finally managed to finish my Literature and Contextual review, and earlier than I thought I would, which is a huge relief. Not only do I get some extra time to go over the essay and to correct any mistakes I may have made, but I also have some extra time to be able to form the viva voce presentation for my meeting with Sarah.

Overall, I think I've done a pretty good job on this essay! Throughout the bachelor's degree, there wasn't any mention of essay writing, and so coming back to it after all this time, even though I enjoy it, was a little daunting. I was worried I may have lost some of my mojo, but over the course of writing, I think I gained it back pretty well.

There are a few points to be made about my thoughts on the essay that are as follows:

The research was really fun, and I found it very informative to discover so many charts and studies on my concept

Harvard referencing was tricky, but I got a handle on it by the end

Visiting real world locations for the contextual review really helped me to develop more of an intimacy with the project, prompting me to finish it with even more fialr

Referencing for existing pieces of media such as films and books was so incredibly hard

I think my choice in subject was right for me after all. I had some doubts going into this formal essay that I would be able to find any supporting evidence, even though I know Perfect Child Syndrome is a real concept, but I was pleasantly surprised, and driven by the amount of people also interested in this.

I am aware there is another essay to write for the next module after Christmas, but honestly, in concluding this one, I have to say I'm excited for it, to see what comes next. Any update I receive on the results of my essay will also be posted onto the blog.

#de4401 #thoughtsandfeelings

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nathandiary · 4 months

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Semester 1 conclusion

What have I done?

Art history: an essay on British periodical illustration and a research essay on a private press edition of Aesop’s Fables

Research and Process in Practice: kept a blog with 41 entries, made a video about my art practice and its evolution (https://youtu.be/OUQrnvz8rLE)

Illustration: I made a magazine called Artish, with 13 original illustrations, 5 articles, 5 comics and one poster design. As a secondary project, I created a book of poetry called Pocket Poetry, with 9 original linocuts and 9 poems. I printed and bound the book myself.

Spanish: improved my Spanish and learned new vocabulary words.

What have I learned?

In art history I learned about the history of illustration, which helped place my current practice in a historical context. I also learned about private press books and handmade books, which is something I experimented with.

In the RPP module, I learned to talk about my work and keep track of what I was doing on a weekly basis. It helped me stay on track and be more organised. Making the presentation about my work also helped me reflect on my practice and the themes I was interested in. It made me realise that I wanted to make another magazine, about ecology this time.

In illustration, I improved my work method and technical abilities. I made my first comics, which was something I had been wanting to do for a long time. I learned that ink and watercolour were the techniques I was most interested in using. I also learned that I needed to focus on the main project and that I tend to get distracted with other ideas, which can either add to my project or make me lose time and energy.

What do I want to do next?

RPP: I want to keep doing regular updates which help my organise my time.

Illustration: I want to make a new magazine about ecology and the climate crisis but viewed in a hopeful and optimistic way.

I need to start thinking about my graduation exhibition and the way it’s going to look.

Master’s degree: I decided I wanted to study graphic design next.

#studyblr #art student #22/01/2024

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rangaswimmer69 · 1 year

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Week 2. ‘Starting’

The first week at Holmesglen was not what I was expecting, Paul wasn’t there, but Simone was. In the beginning, we all introduced ourselves, and I spoke to Jonty and Ben, who were lovely and just networking and introducing myself to my classmates. We completed the Academic integrity module in the library. I expected the class to be a lot bigger than what it is, and never having gone to a university, I honestly expected things to be more intense, my sister is a lawyer, and from the stories I have heard from her, university and Holmesglen are very different. I intend to attend every class and not be afraid to ask questions when confused or worried. 2 Paul was back from his illness, and he introduced himself and got straight into work; we practised academic skills and analysed ‘Understanding the role of motivation in Professional Athletes’, in which we did some paraphrasing and Learned how to use APA7. Below is our activity when familiarising ourselves with APA7 and academic skills such as paraphrasing and skimming articles. Paul posted the Melbourne uni assignment planner on Brightspace which will be very useful for upcoming assignments.

Assignment planner (Melbourne University, 2023)

Week 5. ‘Teamwork’.

Pat and I were the only group of 2 and worked incredibly well together. Our decision-making, communication, teamwork and presentation were excellent. Pat and I discussed which topic to present and concluded by doing Peter Bol’s drug scandal. We had essentially three weeks to complete it. With my busy schedule and Pat’s Uni load, we organised study sessions in the library to brainstorm and decide on our presentation. We also managed Zoom calls to rehearse the presentation. We would regularly send each other messages asking for feedback and any help finding further information. We agreed on doing a shared Google doc to check up on each other’s work when we couldn’t see one another. Our presentation lacked Academic articles; we didn’t meet the standard of 4 academic papers, which cost us marks.

We also had too much text on the slides, distracting the audience. Paul’s feedback is critical because we need to use ‘academic articles’ for our essay report. Providing us with this feedback reassured me about the essay report, which also required academic articles. Our verbal and non-verbal communication skills were incredible; Paul was pleased with how we engaged with the audience and grabbed their attention within seconds. After our presentation, we received an evaluation sheet from all the other groups; I have attached all 5 group reviews as shown below; the majority of the groups gave us 5/5 on ‘clear and easy to hear’. I felt comfortable working with Pat because we had similar interests and were determined to get a high mark on this assessment. We did lack a little in the ‘logical and coherent’, which Paul gave us feedback on, most of our marks were ranged in the 5/5 with teamwork. Below is Pat’s survey on my ‘Effective team relationships’. In week 4, Paul made us watch a Ted Talk ‘Secret to public speaking’ Chris Anderson talks about a tip that helped me “make your idea worth sharing”.

Anderson, C. (2016, April 20). TED's secret to great public speaking [video] YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FOCpMAww28

Week 7. ‘self-management: motivation and resilience.

Time management has been a critical factor for me; I am constantly flat out with my training and need help finding time on weekdays and weekends. Managing my time correctly and prioritising my studies helps me feel less stressed about our upcoming tasks. My coach has a bachelor’s in psychology, and he told me a quote that help me with my work balance “If you do what’s hard, life will be easy; if you do what’s easy, life will be hard”. I took that into account; if I work hard and stay focused ill receive good marks in class and good results in the water. I constantly swim around the country, so I haven’t missed any classes, which is a great start. Attending all of Paul’s classes has made it much easier for me to balance my social life; I have met some great people in our sports media class, but also being present in the types makes it easier for me to able to enjoy my weekends and be able to refresh myself for the next week mentally.

Week 9. ‘Understanding and utilising feedback.’

The slide on the left is the group presentation, and I have highlighted Paul’s feedback. Paul gave me lots of feedback, both positive and negative. Paul said that I lacked academic articles, which had a requirement of 4. After receiving this feedback, I made sure that for my essay report to make sure I get the Academic article requirements so I don’t lose easy marks and also learned how to take on critical feedback and execute it on my next assessment. As you can see, the feedback for my essay report was mostly positive, and Paul only criticised how inconsistent my referencing was. In my eyes, that’s an improvement; throughout the essay report, I was constantly checking the rubric to make sure I was at the ‘HD’ standard. If we look at the group presentation feedback, Paul gave me significantly compared to my essay report, which had minimal feedback.

Week 11. ‘Managing Assessments’

Both My research essay and presentation were excellent marks, HD & D. The research essay was challenging at the beginning because I was struggling to find academic articles that were about the Olympic Games and showed evidence supporting my argument. I spent a long time researching and learning how scholarly sources work. Thankfully I started the essay early, so I had plenty of time to work on it and get a high mark. The Group presentation with Pat was super easy; we worked together constantly and were supplying each other with different articles to add to our presentation; when having trouble, I asked Paul to check my sources. The one thing I need to improve on the most is my referencing structure; in both assignments, I’ve completed, Paul has mentioned my referencing structure, and it is not making much sense. Before submitting my group report, I’ll be sure to check my referencing. I feel proud of my efforts this semester; I have only missed 1 class and haven’t had a late submission or had to stress about a last-minute report.

Week 13. ‘Future strategies’

Having a look at previous submissions and feedback, I noticed that at the beginning of the semester, Paul provided me with a lot of heavily detailed feedback, and as I kept working harder and harder on each assignment, the feedback I was getting was a lot shorter, which meant I was progressing and improving on my previous errors. I was surprised by only four assessments in sports media; I came into this course thinking it was assignment after assignment. There were a lot of positives out of this course; I had the goal to try and get D or above in my grades. I worked well with my other classmates and adapted very quickly to the APA 7 system. All though the positives are great, I did lack a little at the beginning with the Holmesglen library and referencing for my first assignment. Not adding enough referencing cost me a lot of marks in the group presentation. Overall I am very pleased with my efforts in this subject and am really keen to see how I progress in the next semester. If I keep working with this same routine and mindset, ill exceed my expectations.

Skills:

Academic writing at the beginning of the essay, I needed clarification about how to structure an academic writing piece. But through the help of Paul, I was able to learn and put into action my knowledge which in the end paid off with an HD

Attitudes/behaviours :

Going to every class helped my confidence and understanding of each assignment. Many of my mates at uni tend to skip classes and don’t do assessments, so coming into this year, I was a bit nervous I might fall off and give up on this. But, a good routine, it helped my mindset to work hard and try and learn.

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jingjingxuan · 1 year

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Entry 6: Music and politics

This week is Week 3, which means we will have to complete our first assessment for each module. One of the assessment peeked my interested- writing a 500-word essay and present an inherent bias in a musical institution. For this assessment, I decided on discussing the female conductors in the classical music scene.

The reason why I picked this topic is because I realised I have never encountered a female conductor before, even when I went on YouTube to listen to some orchestra recordings, there’s hardly any female conductors. I went through some digging on the internet and found the history in women conducting. It wasn’t until the 1930, Antonia Brico made her first debut as a female conductor with Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra. I understand that women are not allowed in the music scene in the early days, but we have Fenny Mendelssohn, Clara Schumann, Amy Beach and few other female role models composing and performing in public in the 1800s, I did not expect the first female conductor to only appear in 1900s. It was shocking for me and honestly a little disheartening to know this fact.

I researched some factors that contribute to this issue. The main reason why all this happened was the double standards between men and women. There were arguments about how women has weaker stage presence, or have no stamina in conducting, or has more feminine gestures and the musicians will misinterpret it. I found it ridiculed that another reason is because the board members are mostly men, and thought that they have the role and responsibility to keep the tradition going on, which is by only having a male conductor, a maestro, to lead the orchestra. I thought it was nonsense, the board member shouldn’t made the decision based on prejudice. They didn’t even let the female conductor to showcase their talent and just decided to just shut them off. There's an article that mentions female conductors don’t lack talent, they lack the opportunities and I agree with them.

Some more interesting facts about female conductors are there is currently no female conductor leading the top 25 best orchestras in the world. Marin Alsop used to be the only female conductor that made it to that list, guiding Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, but she left in 2021 and now it is back to square one. On the bright side, more and more female conductors are taking up roles as chief conductor and music director in orchestras. We have Simone Young, the only Australian conductor that made it to Gramaphone’s Top 50 conductors 2022, recently being appointed as the chief conductor for Sydney Symphony Orchestra, Xian Zhang for the New Jersey Symphony Orchestra, Susanna Mälkki for Helsinki Philharmonic Orchestra.

I have gain a lot of insights through this assessment. The female conductor field had made a leeway, but there is still a very long way to go. I sincerely hope female conductors won’t give up their dream due to any double standards they faced and will continue to thrive so there’s more role model to the younger generations. I also hope that everyone can stop labelling musicians based on their gender: male conductor or female conductor, and just refer them merely as conductors. In the end, all the conductors disregard of gender or race, they all hold the same intentions and motive; to bring music alive.

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wordtowords · 1 year

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Hooking Up: The Three R’s

hook up - verb - (when two people) meet and connect

"Hook up" can mean and/or imply more than one thing; however, what the definitions have in common is a connection. The three R's come in after the two meet and connect on an intimate level. In the hook u, there is a progression involved that usually involves mutual choice. What are the three R's? They are as follows:

1. Romance

2. Relationship

3. Roommates

Initially, if the connection is electrical (metaphorically speaking, of course), the ends (persons) that meet spark into a romance, which is the heady state of any hook up, the optimal stage. At this time, both participants are over-the-moon in love and are willing to do things they never before contemplated, especially for the other person. You know, like purchase airfare to the Maldives and luxury accommodations while there and charge the amount to an overly taxed credit card. Needless to say, they can't keep their hands off of each other regardless of where they are.

By the time the Visa or MasterCard (etc.) is paid off, most likely the duo has fallen out of the romance and into "a loving relationship." Which is a term that I personally don't really like very much because at this stage of the game, the fantasy is over. The four feet (two and two) are now firmly planted on the ground (being somewhat distanced from each other), and the conversation has modulated from "Which bottle of champagne should we go for?" at the upscale, see-and-be-seen, boutique eatery to "Do you think we should move in together?" over coffee at McDonald's. They have to pre-arrange a once-a-week date night in order to squeeze in some carnal knowledge. At this stage, said couple has started to tread on thin ice. Because if they do move in together and find out that they really have nothing in common or find each other intolerably aggravating in one way or another, they wind up roommates.

As roommates, the two go back to living separate lives. They hardly engage at all. If they do, the conversation is usually on the domestic side, such as, "Person 1: I took out the garbage yesterday; it's your turn. Person 2: No, it's not." In addition, sadly, the selfless inquiry, "How was your day?" present in stages 1 and 2 goes unanswered. At this point, most likely the two are sleeping in separate bedrooms. Sex? What's sex? Eventually, someone moves out. FIN. It's over.

Cynical? Yup. Realistic? Yup. At one time or the other, we have all been there, done that, neglected to buy the T-shirt. But rewind back to the beginning. Is it possible to hook up and remain in a romance? You bet. Does it take work? Yup. Are you ready, willing, and able to do said work? Is the other person? Don't either of you "quiet quit" on me now. As Nike would say, "Just do it."

When it comes to the love light, hook it up, screw in the bulb with the most wattage as a couple. Keep it glowing at the same intensity even if it costs you both more time, money, and selfless consideration :).

#word-to-words, #slice-of-life, #blog, #blogging, #editorial, #reading, #vocabulary, #ReadersMagnet, #spilled thoughts, #good advice, #personal-essay, #writing community, #writing, #CreativeSuggestion, #relationships, #romance

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kidskingdomgo · 2 years

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Cohort-Based Learning (Online) – Learning Systems Hot Trend in 2023

When I began writing this essay, I realized it wouldn't be as straightforward as saying, "This is cohort-based learning, this is why it is so great, and this is why vendors and people in L&D are flinging themselves at it." It is not that easy. There are benefits to doing it as well as drawbacks. Before diving in head first and claiming that it improves knowledge, individuals remember more information, and everyone is interacting in such a manner that it taps into a combination of informal and formal learning, there are a number of variables and aspects to take into account (which cohort does).

Before considering cohort-based learning on the corporate side, it is important to be aware of a few brief points, regardless of whether you work in L&D, Training, HR, Marketing, Sales, or another department.

Also Check: Nursery in Damac Hills

In the e-learning sector, particularly in the learning system area, and even in certain HCMs with learning modules, it will be a hot trend. By the end of 2023, the tendency will dominate the whole hot skills trend, but skills will still be highly popular and are definitely significantly targeted to a professional (office) workforce. The trend is already beginning as you read this, um, talk.

Vendors of learning systems, talent platforms, and HCMs with learning will claim to offer cohort-based learning but will be missing several essential elements (which will be presented below). Cohort-based learning isn't taking place if just one person is absent. I want to emphasize that a seller is free to say whatever they want; nevertheless, just because they say it or it appears in their marketing does not imply that it is accurate. I have personally observed this with merchants that claim to have LXP features or an LXP in their system but who lack all of the essential elements/items that all LXPs have.

There will be sellers of learning systems, including HCMs and others, who will mention or demonstrate cohort-based learning but who, in reality, have no idea what it is, where it originated (EdTech), or how to effectively harness its potential.

There will be learning system suppliers, HCMs, and others who will say that "a client" or "clients" haven't requested for it, thus they won't incorporate cohort-based learning or have any interest in doing so. I hear a lot of excuses, but this is by far one of the worst. However, it does provide an explanation for why a system could be out of date in terms of functionality and cutting-edge learning technology. As you may have noticed, why would I inquire whether you had X if I had never heard of it?

Also Check: Nursery in Motor City

You must be aware of all the elements, benefits, and drawbacks of cohort-based learning if you are going to use it for your staff, members, or even clients (which is possible). I can vouch for the fact that you will be misled if you solely depend on information you may find online or from other so-called experts who have never integrated cohort-based learning with e-learning and corporate.

I haven't really written a two-part piece in at least eight years, but this one is genuinely two parts. (I only accomplished it once before, not including any accolades.)

Part 1 is the entry from July 27, 2002. (for those who will read this at a later date). The week of August 4th is the start of Part 2. The second section will continue from the first and include research findings (based on a literature study I'm doing; anybody interested in writing a thesis or dissertation? I apologize; it is a characteristic of each of those fantastic experiences.

If you want to do your own research, don't worry; the second post will include citations and information about where you may learn more about it. I'll write the second piece in a manner reminiscent to how I wrote my thesis' literature review. Since my thesis, this will be the first time I have written a piece with a more academic slant. I apologize in advance if it lacks any of my excellent snarky or nasty quips.

When writing on cohort-based learning, I find it difficult because much of the data originates from EdTech, particularly higher education. You can counter that they are competent, thus it doesn't matter. I respectfully object. The usual age range of students at a university or college is 18 to 21 (adult learners 25 and older are in universities and colleges, but they are not the core). There are certainly items you can remove to offer some context. Unless you have a child and the school is ready to adopt this method, I highly advise ignoring the K–12 programs that use cohort-based learning.

Also Check: Nursery in Business Bay

Because it mainly focuses on synchronous-based learning, which implies learning as it pertains to the course and material, edtech with online learning has been a mixed bag. Once more, I discover suppliers in EdTech that are ignorant of what SBL is.

Asynchronous learning, often known as self-paced learning, is the most popular type of education in the workplace. Even blended learners often include a self-paced learning component.

Are there any institutions or universities that provide ABL (also known as self-paced education for the sake of this post)? The reply is yes, but they are hard to come by. You are more likely to come across someone who still believes that CBT is the trendiest method of instruction and that online education cannot compete with ILT (sorry Charlie Tuna, you are wrong).

Remote learning, the name given to EdTech's online courses, was a huge failure from a US perspective during the epidemic. It received a bad reputation, from which it has yet to fully recover. Do schools still employ it, though? Yes. Even though the Pinto was a tinderbox on wheels in the 1970s, people continued to drive them.

Three key components make up EdTech SBL; I've highlighted them here since they also feature in cohort-based learning, and you should check to see if your system supports them. By the way, cohort-based learning includes them as a necessity.

Think of online instruction as an ILT classroom that includes a syllabus, a linear structure (you must complete each step before moving on to the next one), and a teacher who directs the learning process. If the instructor is active and effective online, the learning experience can be excellent; however, if they are inactive or otherwise terrible, it will be miserable.

Because of the entire syllabus aspect, courses often contain a TOC (Table of Contents). At the corporate level, you may not see the syllabus angle, but the TOC should still be present (honestly, it really must be, but again, people and systems may skirt).

Engagement and interaction are not the focus of this. Real-time interaction or engagement does not involve reactive actions like clicking on a hotspot or watching a video. In this SBL paradigm, robust sim-based learning is not taking place.

Assignments are fairly common and typically (but not always) a part of SBL. You have a deadline to do these duties, and you must.

You have till X day or time to accomplish the first step, and if you don't, you risk getting zinged for it. This is how SBL uses a time restriction (although on the corporate side, that is less likely to happen, what is more likely is the facilitator will just carry on)

Do you recall the MOOC craze? SBL is the format that is employed. The completion rates are still in the 8 to 10% range. That is very terrible. However, I am discussing here right now on the details of SBL and SBL just as it exists in EdTech and MOOCs which were significantly affected by academic issues and followed to the letter the SBL structure. Thankfully, cohort-based learning and its methodology should not exist in those numbers.

Cohort-Based Education

When thinking about or considering cohort-based learning, there are several terms you should keep in mind. It should never be an acronym, thus any vendor who does this should be made to watch either one episode of a TV show where the police sung the whole time for 100 hours as their CEO outlined the advantages of working there (yes, it did exist).

P2P Learning refers to peer-to-peer learning.

Community is a part of cohort-based care.

Peer cooperation - see before

Learning Pods - Although I haven't seen this addressed in any articles on cohort-based learning, I believe it is extremely applicable to the corporate side of the house and much simpler to explain to someone when they think community since it can go to the extra level you desire. Although it would make perfect sense to do so and even demonstrate it, vendors are probably not going to do so, which is unfortunate.

Cohort-based learning includes the practice of knowledge sharing.

Must have a network. In the end, this seems to be one of the main goals.

Last but not least, I saw a remark that said the key to cohort-based learning—rather than its functionality—is how it is used. I disagree; you need both, particularly in simultaneously. There is no first and second in this situation. Hands clasped.

Second, it was mentioned that you might need to discover additional systems in order to do all of the aforementioned tasks. Once more, you shouldn't. Cohort-based learning vendors must have all the necessary elements; they may not be excellent, but they may be adequate. I'll also mention that certain manufacturers will go deep into integrating with, let's say, MentorCloud, which can really elevate mentoring to a whole new level and incorporate learning pods. Which you won't know whether it is well integrated.

Despite this, you may find mentorship on learning systems all over the place that chooses not to go into integration with a third-party solution. I have witnessed both awesome and a lot of "are you serious?" But just to let you know.

Oh, and you can combine MentorCloud with a learning system if you want to use various systems. They could combine. Only MentorCloud is included since, as of this writing, it is the greatest (new) platform I have come across in 2022.

How to use cohort-based learning All of these elements must be present if you are a seller. BOTH OF THEM. Therefore, if you want to purchase a cohort-based learning system (and yes, there is one that truly is), you should make sure that it is either available when it launches or that it will be added before the end of 2023. (which means it is on their roadmap, and I surmise that many vendors rolling out Cohort-Based will not have all of these components, simply because they are not aware).

#learning #education #kids kingdom #kids kingdom uae

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essayisms · 3 years

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Feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed with my essays right now, so here’s what I’m doing

I have 6 essays and a dissertation due, which are not staggered for various reasons (deferred a year and had to take a huge break from working on uni stuff for personal reasons), and it makes me extremely stressed and overwhelmed because I don’t have long left to finish them and I’ve still got a lot to go and can’t waste time.

I’ve recently got into a rut with one I’m working on and realised none of my essays are finished yet. So I’m just sharing what my coping strategies are if you find yourself in a similar position.

1. Create a chart/graph that represents your progress

First of all I make this grid in google docs, and I fill in how far I am with all of my assignments, placing each of them at their individual point of progress. I consider ‘complete’ to be in perfect condition to hand in. As you can see (and it’s the end of Jan, each essay is 3000-4000 words and are all due in May including an 8000 word dissertation) I've been STRUGGLING.

Creating this helps me to visualise where my progress is at, and how much I’ve got to go. This reduces my stress because my brain gets overwhelmed and emotional and I realise I feel more behind than I actually am. This gives me a way to positively frame how I think and feel about my essays and how I will achieve handing them in. It gives me a sense of perspective and control, and I can assess what steps I need to take to be finish, e.g. going back and polishing up those couple of essays.

2. Re-visiting the Assessment Criteria

I have found it so hard to find a method to writing my essays. I have a pretty good one atm which I need to stick to better, because I’ve found myself feeling stuck and not knowing what to say. So writing out each essays Assessment Criteria helps refocus my brain, and reminds me what I will be given marks for and therefore what I should be writing.

3. Switching Essays

I am in a deep rut with my current essay and realised I was wasting time sitting in front of my laptop not doing anything because I didn’t know what to do next. I was waking up dreading writing this one so realised I was in a position in which switching to another essay would be more efficient since they are due around the same time period. It is a little bit stress inducing leaving an essay on hold, if you like things going smoothly and categorising and checking things off like me you will know. That’s why the chart really helps make it feel manageable ! I am now more motivated to start a new essay and my brain is really grateful for a change in topic. Sometimes we need some time and distance away from the essays we are writing.

4. The Essay Writing Steps (How To Write A University Level Essay)

When starting a new essay I write out all the steps I need on how to do to research and formulate my argument and tick it all off as I go. This is the outline of all the steps, in the order I do it, to researching, brainstorming and writing each essay.

+ Read and write out Assessment Objectives and Learning Outcomes for the module.

+ Read and re-write lecture notes on the course introduction and texts.

+ Make a reading list of secondary criticism.

+ Read criticism and take relevant quotes, making notes and points I want to include in the essay underneath in a different colour to differentiate the quotes from my own thoughts.

+ Read and annotate my primary texts (e.g. the novels) using the knowledge I have from my lecture notes and secondary reading and with the Assessment Objectives in mind.

+ When finished reading, flick through the texts and copy out relevant quotes and points in the novels that can be used to support arguments in the essay.

+ Brainstorm the thesis for the essay. Try to summarise in a couple sentences what the overall argument for it will be.

+ With the Assessment Criteria in mind, write out a detailed essay plan. Consider what order to present the arguments in. Include which quotes from both primary and secondary texts to use to support the arguments.

+ Approach the essay by attempting to write 500 words at a time in intervals between breaks throughout the day.

Basically that’s it for now. I’ll see how I get on this with this essay by following the steps above that I’ve developed for essay writing and then keeping the assessment criteria in mind and using my lecture notes to supplement my arguments. Hopefully I finish this one all the way through. If I start to stagnate again, I’ll go back to my google docs chart have a look at an essay I need to polish and work on that, referring to my steps and writing out my Assessment Criteria. I will check each one off as I read my essay and add in any criteria that I missed.

I’ll just repeat that process until they are all finished, which ensures I’m constantly working and not just stuck in paralytic dread every single day. You/I CAN do this, creating perspective and making steps helps !

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chokemewanda · 3 years

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Autonomy

Main Masterlist Only Child Series Masterlist part six / part seven / part eight chapter warnings: violence, sarcasm, swearing, fatalist humour, blood, gore, human trafficking, slight attempted dub-con

"Good news, you're not grounded anymore," Steve told Y/N as she handed him her essay on what was supposed to be Battle of Midway but instead she'd done it on the Battle at Azzano. She was trying to see how much she could get away with. She expected not a lot but in her defense, she had actually researched that essay.

"No thanks. I'm not going to see Fury." She waved her injured hand at him and he rolled his eyes.

"You can take the bandage off now. Cho told us all you haven't needed it for two weeks, the cradle fixed your hand right up." Steve sighed, giving her essay a cursory glance. He inhaled deeply before sighing out loud and giving her a look.

"I'm still not going to see Fury. I'd rather be grounded." She said, beginning to unwind her bandage. She was annoyed Cho had taken away her excuse to not do the dishes.

"Hill will be here in fifteen." Steve was absorbed in her essay and didn't even look up.

"Steve, we fight for the autonomy of others every single day, and yet here I am, a slave to Shield, and you won't fight for me?" She asked. "You sure you're not Hydra?"

"If I was Hydra I'd have shot you years ago. You're lucky we found you before you hit puberty and grew an attitude. You wouldn't have survived one sarcastic comment." Steve still hadn't looked up at her so she narrowed her eyes and flipped him the bird.

"You're grounded once you get back from visiting Fury," Steve warned.

"What if I was suicidal? What if that was my last straw-"

"Jarvis, ban TikTok on all of Y/N's devices," Steve told the AI and Y/N's eyes widened.

"No! I'm sorry!" Steve wasn't listening and she pouted the whole way back to her room where she found Hill waiting with a duffel bag packed and ready to go. She hadn't been on a TikTok ban since that one time during a mission she'd talked over and over about Regan replacing all the birds with spies.

"Ready to go?" Hill asked and Y/N copied Steve's over-dramatic sigh from earlier.

"Let's go see Daddy Director." She grinned falsely and Hill raised an eyebrow.

"Call him that to his face. You could do with being taken down a notch or two." Hill waved her out of the room, handing over her bag.

"It's how I differentiate." She explained as they stepped into the elevator. Hill didn't reply and so she shut up, not willing to push her luck. The usual SUV was waiting for them in the garage and Y/N climbed in after Hill.

"Differentiate?" Hill prompted and Y/N smiled.

"Between father figures." She shrugged. "Tony is Daddy Warbucks, Fury is Daddy Director, Bucky is Daddy Nazi, and Bruce is Daddy Science."

"That's quite the extensive list you've got there." Hill laughed, checking her phone.

"Wait until you hear about my mothers. Pepper is Business Mom, Natasha is Nazi Mom, you're Strict Mom and Steve is Mother Hen." Hill laughed again, shaking her head at Y/N's antics.

"Is this another HR training module? Because I'm not going to stop calling Bucky my dad. It makes him uncomfortable and I live for that." Y/N told Hill honestly.

"No, as far as any of your pseudo-parents besides Fury and I are aware you've been sent of training with the recruits because I like to annoy you and you ignore orders," Hill told her. "You're actually going to Europe."

"You got a lead?" Hill presented Y/N with a file and she read over it. A group they had been tracking was making waves in France and had a front gala planned.

"We got you in as an art buyer. We're looking at maybe three days." Hill told her and she nodded, absorbing the information.

"Hang on, I've got homework." Training would never be an excuse not to hand in her homework and anyone who gave her work to do would know that.

"I've got someone on it. You went with Robert Frost, didn't you?" Hill asked and Y/N smiled. Strict Momma had her back.

///

"I'm actually so hot. You and Daddy Nazi make gorgeous kids." Y/N told Hill as she admired herself in every reflective surface possible. She was wearing a red gown, slim-fitting enough that she'd appeal better than any of the art on sale.

"Grounded," Hill told her and she smiled to herself, entering the auction room and having a look around. She didn't care what anyone said. Art was a front for money laundering and she'd bet Pietro's life on it. Not her own, she was much more important.

She spent a while admiring the paintings, accepting the glass of champagne she was handed. She didn't drink any because Hill warned her that if she did she'd be explaining to Steve why she thought underage drinking was a wise idea.

"The champagne is not to your tastes?" Y/N smiled at the handsome man who approached her from behind.

"I try not to drink on the job." She explained, gesturing to the art. "It distracts me."

"Distraction seems to be your aim. I'm unable to focus on anything but you this evening." He laughed and gestured for another drink from a nearby waiter.

"Oh, that's the point. I dazzle the other buyers and steal all the masterpieces from myself." She laughed falsely, her eyes on a painting across the room.

"One of mine," He told her. "I've got a better sampling back in my room if you'd care to see it later."

"In your room? However, do you expect to sell it up there?" She asked.

"I've got methods." He assured her and she nodded slowly, eyes on the man who had just come in the door. She had Hill in her ear, confirming what she knew. Her target had just entered the building.

"If you'll excuse me."

///

She laughed, subtly dodging Stefan's wandering hands and smiling coyly over her shoulder. "Come now, I don't plan to put on a show for everyone."

He followed her with a grin that made her skin crawl. He thought he had won the game. Urging her to come back to his room, telling her all the things he was sure she'd love to hear. He was a collector but not of art. Of people.

Y/N hated a lot of things and a lot of people but the one thing she could never forgive, never rationalize was human trafficking. It was how she came into the world. Hill and Fury knew this, exploiting her rage in place of a committed agent. She let them.

"So you do plan to put on a show?" He asked, pressing the button for the elevator. He was armed, of that she was sure. Hill reassured her multiple times that they were lying in wait, that she wasn't alone.

"The likes of which you've never seen." She promised, making her way into the elevator and standing in the corner with a grin. He made his way in, hitting the button for their floor and closed the doors before they could be joined.

"You know, you'd have to be pretty original for that. I've seen a lot." He told her and reached a hand out to hit the elevator stop button. She let her smile drop slowly as she took in the situation.

"Now why on Earth would you go and do that?" She asked. To give his men time to move into the position she was sure. Unfortunately for him, it would be her people moving into position.

"You wanted privacy." He reached up and began loosening his tie slowly, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Stefan, I think you've misunderstood the situation. I'm not about to sleep with you in an elevator of all things." She huffed a laugh and dodged his hand when he reached for her.

"You'll find that I can be very convincing." He stepped closer, crowding her into a corner, and she smiled, rolling her eyes.

"You'll find that I don't give a fuck." She lifted her knee sharply, jabbing him between the legs, and then used his tie, pulling it up and tightening it as a gag.

///

"Took you long enough." Hill was leaned against the wall opposite the elevator when the doors opened. Y/N rolled her eyes, pushing her hair back behind her ear and kicking the still wriggling man tied up by his own tie.

"Tried to keep you on your toes. Can we get Mc Donald's breakfast on the way home?" Hill only laughed, allowing the agents with her to hoist Stefan from the elevator and lump him with his team.

They got through clean up and on the way home in a great time. She was back on American soil just over sixty hours since leaving the tower. She was back to the tower just in time to catch Steve leaving for his morning run on the third day since she'd left.

"How was training?" He asked, sipping from a protein shake that Bucky made from him every night so that he could have it before his run.

"I feel like this was how they treated the Winter Soldier. I'm filing a complaint." She informed him, dropping her duffel bag on the sofa and leaned against it heavily.

"Bruce has been looking forward to you getting back. Something about practical work?" Steve asked and Y/N's eyes lit up.

"I'm building a bomb!" She cheered, exhaustion leaving her.

"Who's making a bomb?" Peter stumbled into the communal kitchen, half asleep with his shirt inside out.

"What's he doing here?" She asked Steve.

"He stays some nights and now I presume he's heading to school?" Steve asked Peter, one eyebrow raised.

She observed the interaction with narrowed eyes. The game was on whether Parker knew it or not.

[taglist: @llamadramaonthefarma ]

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saturdaysky · 3 years

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Tagged in this get-to-know-you meme by @ariadne-mouse!

Last Song: I don't remember which song specifically, but something from the Hadestown soundtrack! I was looping it all yesterday to give the distractable part of my brain something to do while coding. I hope my neighbor enjoyed hearing off-key singing through the window. The songs are still bouncing around in my head.

Last Movie: Wow, when was the last time I watched a movie? I genuinely have no idea and can't remember what it might have been. Instead I will put forth a movie I am looking forward to: The Green Knight. It looks so good, and utterly weird (affectionate).

Currently Reading: Rereading Gideon the Ninth in small bursts, for two reasons:

Look, "sky, you should reread the wildly creative and engaging lesbian space necromancer murder mystery with enemies-to-friends as the main dynamic" is not a very hard sell. I think I missed some things the first time I read the book, and I just absolutely adore the world and the characters. The ending managed to be one of the most affecting endings I've read in a long time. I look forward to seeing what it's like on a reread!

I've tossed around Critical Role Gideon the Ninth AU ideas with the very cool @catalists and would like to mine the book for more ideas simply because it's so fun to think about! It's a crime that info on some houses is so scant, though. But hey, free world-building real estate.

Currently Watching: Critical Role! Like probably most people following me, it is my main fixation at present.

What is anti-poetry to you: What a specific question. I, too, think anti-poetry is just poetry. I googled it and wound up on an essay that seems very keen to shake all words four syllables and above out of the thesaurus and into very long paragraphs, so I'm also going to add "a little bit in love with itself" to my assessment of "it's poetry."

Currently craving: A three-way tie between another day of the weekend, someone to write this D&D module I've been procrastinating on all day, and Indian food.

Tagging: anyone who might like to do this! But particularly @mllekurtz and @catalists if you are interested and haven't been tagged yet. :)

#i like DM prep but I have been bitten hard by the urge to make Soft Wizard Content and my brain cannot decide which to do #so it has done neither #classic

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hekatepoetryxxwriting · 3 years

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Experiments in Writing: A Critique of Creative Work Within Queering, Feminism, and the Work of Sigmund Freud

For my creative work that I undertook in this module, I chose to focus on the idea of Queering. As well as this, I found myself influenced by the theories and works of Sigmund Freud[1], as well as using several feminist texts, both literary and theoretical, to try and establish a connection between the three ideas within my writing. Due to the essay Freud wrote on The Uncanny[2], he theories and ideas are already heavily tied to gothic literature as a whole, which made connecting him to my work a lot easier. I focused on short stories based upon fairy tales and attempted to alter the narrative of each of the original texts to suit the concept I had come up with. Based upon some of the work from lessons, I used a form of metalepsis[3]within my stories, trying to shift the perception of gender and sexuality within a gothic literate format. I was inspired to take this route by one of my favourite authors, a feminist writer called Angela Carter[4]. Her work in The Bloody Chambers and Other Stories[5] was a major source of inspiration for my work and helped me to develop my writing format and style throughout this module. I chose to focus my work on these theories as I felt that they were somewhat contradictory of one another, and I felt that the juxtaposition of these ideas would help to elevate my writing towards something outside of the usual style I worked in.

For my first creative piece, a short story titled The Wolves in the Woods, I wanted to focus mostly on several of Freud’s most infamous theories. The creative work itself was heavily inspired by a short story written by Angela Carter called The Company of Wolves[6]. I had read this story during college and found the way she addressed gender play and sexuality a fascinating plot device. Not only this, but the way that she would take fairytales that were commonly known amongst readers and adjusted the story to appeal to a wider feminist reading. I agree that a lot of fairytales have subtle sexist undertones that usually place women and men in specific boxes, and I enjoyed reading Carter’s reimagining of this.

Because of the theories I had been researching for the module, I found that writing influences like Carter were juxta-positioned with theories like Freud. One of the main theories I hoped to translate into creative work was the three agents of Freud’s idea of the psyche, often referred to as the ‘id, ego, and super-ego’[7]. As Freud explains, the id ‘contains everything that is inherited, that is present at birth, is laid down in the constitution — above all, therefore, the instincts, which originate from the somatic organization, and which find a first psychical expression here (in the id) in forms unknown to us’[8]. The ego and super-ego, on the other hand, represented the more intelligent side of humans, made of ideas like common sense and cultural norms and opinions taught to children by their parents and the society they live in. This concept of basic instinct versus the laws of society was something I could instantly connect to the gothic literature of Carter, as well as feminism and Queering due to their association with being historically against society’s idea of normal.

When I began to plot out my creative work, I realised that the entire concept of a werewolf was a literary device for man’s inner turmoil between instinct and reason, aka the id and the ego/super-ego. I attempted to flout the tropes of romance writing by presenting a werewolf who, unlike many other fictional interpretations, does not ignore the basic animalist instincts for his love interest. Rather, they compromise, accepting equal shares of idand ego, whilst completely casting aside the rules society sets, therefore ignoring the concept of the super-ego. By casting aside the rules that are hinted at through the story, the protagonist is freed, as shown by the ending of the story being ‘amongst the howls beseeching the night, was a woman’s cries of joy entering the chorus’[9].

Throughout the beginning of the story, the structure of the super-ego is important to the world-building of the setting. Another of Freud’s theories that I used for my first creative piece was the Madonna-Whore complex, which suggests that women either fit the role of the pure virginal wife, or the corrupted succubus. The implication of the theory is that women can only be one or the other, with the Madonna being the ‘preferred’ female archetype. In The Wolves in the Woods I allowed my protagonist to undergo a narrative transformation using the Queering literary device metalepsis. Judith Butler’s point on metalepsis helped to carve the character development in my work through her statement that ‘the performativity of gender revolves around this metalepsis… performativity is not a singular act, but a repetition, a ritual’[10]. Through my first creative piece, I tried to show a progression from a Madonna-like character to someone who embodies the whore, which is summed up by the end of my story in a paragraph ‘She is not the trodden women of the village, with their heads wrapped in silk, hidden from men and from the world. Now she sits upon the lap of the wolf, who stares at her with pupils blown wide, ears open and perked’ [11]and separates her from the other women, transforming her in just two sentences and completing the metalepsis.

However, this is not the only instance of metalepsis in this story. Whilst this is more of a metaphorical sense of metalepsis, the actual idea of a werewolf is a physical form of this literary device. This was another way of connecting the two characters. They both undergo some form of transformation and simultaneously must learn to adapt due to their place in the world. To make this clearer, I used repetition in the way they were described to further suggest the idea that their roles in society were different. These sentences, ‘Lycanthrope: the ability to shift, to transform, to adapt’ and ‘Woman: the ability to shift, to transform, to adapt’ were written this way because they also implied that both Lycanthrope and Woman were ‘things’ rather than people.

A major point to the majority of my stories was taking traditional gender roles within fairy tales and adjusting the narrative around them, which is one of the entire concepts behind the literary device of metalepsis. I did research on masculinity within fairy tales[12]- and gothic literature in general- and found a few feminist articles that discussed how these male characters were influenced by the masculine ideals of the time, and how it affects the narrative of the novels they appear in as a whole[13]. An essay by Alice Neikirk found evidence that ‘Rather than being a mere reflection of societal ideals, these fairytales perpetuate Christian, patriarchal concepts as a means of maintaining the gender hierarchy’[14]. I find that exploring fairytales through Freudian concepts was easy, as a lot of Freud’s theories focused on societal expectations and the way they can shape the human psyche. To an extent, fairytales, including my own, are a prose form of rules and morals set by the society who shares them, usually used as a form of control over children, mainly young girls.

Therefore, when applying psychoanalytical theories to my work, I attempted to subvert some of the typical rules set in fairytales by changing the roles of characters. An example of this is my final story, Eilidh’s Prince, which featured a lesbian romance whereupon one of the characters assumes the role of a man for a brief period. I felt that this was the best choice for the plot because of the symbolism of castration anxiety that is prevalent throughout the story. This is something I made clear when I chose to write the line ‘A fanged rose, a vertical grimace they cower from, lest it bite back’[15]. The idea of castration anxiety[16] is another of Freud’s theories, something he viewed as part of the uncanny. The idea is that men fear castration, perhaps as a punishment for their lust or simply the idea of becoming women, but I attempted to transform this idea by having a woman become a man temporarily, knowing the ‘fanged rose’ was not something she had to fear. I wanted to create a sense of dramatic irony that also came from Carter’s work. One story in particular that inspired me for this was ‘The Erl-King’ where the title character is described as ‘an excellent housewife’[17]. Through this, Carter has transgressed the usual boundaries of gender, and attributes feminine qualities to her male character. I took my version a little more literally and allowed my love interest to dress as a male.

For the other story in my collection, The Fae Prince and The Pomegranate[18], I also had used The Erl-King[19]as my main inspiration. However, unlike my two other pieces, this one was also partially inspired by historical mythology, which is another passion of mine. The mythology I chose to use for my work was the story of Hades, God of the Underworld, and Persephone[20]. Greek Mythology lends itself to fairytales as they could technically be considered a tale of their own time. Not only this, but I find that the nature of the Celtic myth of Fae is similar to the rules of the Underworld according to Greek accounts of Hades and Persephone. The main rule that comes to mind between both is that eating in their respective territories, according to legends, will force the victim to remain there forever. However in doing my research I found that certain myths suggest that Persephone had in face willingly gone to the Underworld, hence her name changing from Kore (meaning ‘the maiden’) to Persephone, which means ‘the bringer of death’[21]. The use of the pomegranate as a way of tying the Prince to the mortal girl and by extension her world was my way of applying both Fae rules and still using the mythology that I had used to construct the story’s foundations.

In conclusion, I enjoyed using these theories and influences to create my stories. I found that the use of experimental ideas and writing gave me more freedom than the usual styles I had been writing in. Comparing feminism and queering with the likes of Freud proved to be quite a challenge, but I feel that it paid off, as I have been able to create an unusual set of stories heavily inspired by authors’ works that I have long looked up to as gothic fantasy literature with heavy symbolism and use of metaphors and euphemisms that made the stories more interesting.

[1] Martin Evan Jay, "Sigmund Freud | Biography, Theories, Works, & Facts", Encyclopedia Britannica <https://www.britannica.com/biography/Sigmund-Freud> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [2] Sigmund Freud, The Uncanny (London: Penguin Books, 1919). [3] "Metalepsis - Definition And Examples Of Metalepsis", Literary Devices <https://literarydevices.net/metalepsis/> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [4] "Angela Carter", Angelacarter.Co.Uk, 2014 <https://www.angelacarter.co.uk/> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [5] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [6] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [7] Saul Mcleod, "Id, Ego, And Superego | Simply Psychology", Simplypsychology.Org, 2019 <https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html#:~:text=According%20to%20Freud%20psychoanalytic%20theory,id%20and%20the%20super%2Dego.> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [8] Sigmund Freud, "An Outline Of Psycho-Analysis", 1940. [9]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [10] Judith Butler, Performative Acts And Gender Constitution: An Essay In Phenomenology And Feminist Theory (Baltimore: John Hopkins University Press, 1988) <https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/3207893.pdf> [Accessed 19 April 2021]. [11]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [12] Alice Neikirk, "...Happily Ever After (Or What Fairytales Teach Girls About Being Women)", Hilo.Hawaii.Edu <https://hilo.hawaii.edu/campuscenter/hohonu/volumes/documents/Vol07x07HappilyEverAfter.pdf> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [13] "Masculinity In Victorian Gothic Novels", Ukessays.Com, 2017 <https://www.ukessays.com/essays/english-literature/masculinity-in-victorian-gothic-novels-english-literature-essay.php> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [14] Alice Neikirk, "...Happily Ever After (Or What Fairytales Teach Girls About Being Women)", Hilo.Hawaii.Edu <https://hilo.hawaii.edu/campuscenter/hohonu/volumes/documents/Vol07x07HappilyEverAfter.pdf> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [15]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [16] Sigmund Freud, "Freud: On Narcissism", English.Hawaii.Edu <http://www.english.hawaii.edu/criticalink/narc/guide5.html> [Accessed 19 April 2021]. [17] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [18]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [19] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [20] "Myth Of Hades And Persephone", Greek Myths & Greek Mythology <https://www.greekmyths-greekmythology.com/myth-of-hades-and-persephone/> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [21] "Persephone: Goddess Of Spring And The Underworld", THEOI GREEK MYTHOLOGY <https://www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Persephone.html> [Accessed 20 April 2021].

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tsarisfanfiction · 4 years

Text

Long Way From Home: Chapter 6

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Family/Friendship Characters: Scott, Tracy Family

There’s a lot in this chapter - more compare and contrast, yay! - but the bit I want to mention specifically is one of the major society differences between TOS and TAG, which stems entirely from the 50 years between writing - sexism. I’ve noticed that a lot of TOS-based fics tend to shift away from or gloss over that, because that’s just how it was in the 60s when TOS was written and there’s no need to honour it (past the Alan/Tin-Tin spats) in modern fanfic.

Normally, I’d agree, but as already mentioned, I’m playing compare and contrast, and quite frankly the sexism was too tempting to pass up. Now, that does not mean we’ll have City of Fire-esque “crazy woman driver” in the fic because that was writer-sexism, not in-universe, and I’m not about that. Perceptions of women as delicate flowers who are supposed to be seen and not heard by the male [TOS] cast, though? We are definitely playing with that, so consider this a warning. I could go into an entire essay on this, but you’re not here for that, you’re here to see it all through TAG!Scott’s eyes, so let’s let him tell the tale, shall we?

<<<Chapter 5

Scott was on the slippery slope towards a fourth loss – with no wins – when the house trembled slightly. The unmistakable roar of a jet engine in close proximity told him what the cause of it was, and he didn’t need Other-Gordon to confirm it as Thunderbird One. She might not be his Thunderbird One, and her engine might make a different noise, no doubt due to different technology, but Scott had always had an ear for plane engines. Having already heard it once, the cry of this universe’s Thunderbird One was instantly recognisable.

“Do you want to finish up first or call it here?” Other-Gordon asked, either correctly assuming that Scott had every intention of seeing his counterpart now he was back, or simply wanting to attend the debrief himself.

“How long do post-flight checks take here?” he replied, eyeing the board with a brain only half concentrating on the game now and trying to work out if he could do anything other than be defeated before Other-Scott finished said checks and emerged from the hangar.

“Scott’ll be out in five minutes, assuming nothing went wrong on the mission,” Other-Gordon told him, glancing down at his watch. “They weren’t gone long, so it probably all went smoothly.”

“Well I’m not going to get this turned around in five minutes,” he sighed, gesturing at the board, “so we might as well call it.” Other-Gordon laughed.

“You’re right about that,” he agreed. “You’re only two moves away from defeat anyway.” Scott could see that, and knocked his King over to save himself the bother. Other-Gordon laughed again, and swept the pieces up, packing them away before standing. “Let’s see what my brothers had to deal with this time,” he commented, with barely a hint of bitterness to betray the fact he’d have liked to be on it rather than stuck at home waiting. Scott pulled himself up out of the comfortable chair he’d got used to sitting in for the past couple of hours.

“Lead the way.”

They got as far as the door before Other-Gordon stopped, looking up at him with a serious expression he hadn’t seen on his face since before they started playing chess.

“Before we do,” he started; Scott instinctively straightened at the tone. “Knowing you – well, Scott, and assuming it’s something else you two share – you’re no doubt going to be analysing and second-guessing everything the fellas did out on the rescue. Do me a favour and keep it to yourself.”

Scott blinked. “What?”

Other-Gordon didn’t budge, arms crossed. “Your universe and ours have different technology; we’ve all realised that. It’s likely that means you’d make different calls to us, based on what you’d have at your disposal if you were with your own International Rescue. John and Brains, hell maybe Scott and Virgil, too, will be curious at the differences, but save it until you’re asked. The debrief isn’t a place for hypotheticals based on other-universe technology and I doubt you’d appreciate it if roles were reversed and it was our Scott butting in on your debriefs.”

Scott sighed. “You have a point,” he admitted. Keeping his mouth shut when he had an opinion was not something he was particularly well-practiced in, but Other-Gordon was right. He’d be fuming if someone who knew nothing about International Rescue’s capabilities interrupted his own debriefs. The idea that he didn’t know International Rescue’s capabilities rankled, but he remembered Other-John’s rundown of the situation earlier and how many terms had been unfamiliar to him. Hell, they even had different names for something as fundamental as Thunderbird Two’s modules. He sighed again, running a hand down his face, to a raised eyebrow from Other-Gordon.

“Everything alright?” the other man asked, and he shrugged.

“You do realise I’m not used to not being in charge?” he asked rhetorically, prompting a laugh from the ginger.

“I had noticed,” he commented dryly. “Dad’s still going to have a fit if you walk in looking like that, and Scott’s going to want to know what you think you’re doing with his shirt.”

“I’m wearing it,” Scott shrugged.

“Badly,” Other-Gordon retorted, turning away and opening the door, leading the way back towards the lounge – and Not-Dad. Scott tried not to think about the fact he’d soon be in the older man’s presence again.

“It’s more comfortable this way,” he bit back instead, determined to get the last word.

“It looks sloppy.” Other-Gordon clearly didn’t feel like letting him have it.

“Maybe I don’t like looking like a pampered son of a billionaire.” Two could play at that game.

“That’s what you are, so own it.”

“Actually, I’m the billionaire,” Scott pointed out, the one result of Dad’s crash he’d finally found himself comfortable with, if only through necessity and the fact that it was how International Rescue could still operate. “I can look how I want.”

Other-Gordon froze for a fraction of a second before continuing the walk through the villa, a barely-there stumble that told Scott he hadn’t realised that aspect.

“Touché,” he conceded after a moment. “But I don’t think that’ll wash with either of them.” Scott shrugged.

“I stopped caring what other people thought a long time ago,” he pointed out. It was only half a lie – he cared about the opinions of his brothers and closest friends. He didn’t care about the rest of the world’s opinions.

Or another universe’s.

Other-Gordon chuckled again, jogging up the stairs with Scott hot on his heels before heading for the lounge. Scott paused as they crossed the threshold, seeing Tin-Tin already there, but he refused to baulk. Not-Dad was sat behind the desk, looking every inch the man in charge, and he dragged his feet into the room, finding a seat on the edge of the depressed circle and sprawling out on it as though he was at home.

As it happened, his entrance was timed perfectly. Just as Not-Dad caught sight of him, face drawing into a look of disapproval and mouth opening to dish it out in what would no doubt be a tongue lashing, the section of wall housing the two lamps swung around, revealing Other-Scott.

“I’m back, Dad,” he greeted, a split second before he, too, caught sight of Scott and his new attire. “Hey, what are you wearing?”

“Unless you’re in the habit of keeping anyone else’s clothes in your closet, your clothes,” Scott shrugged, eyeing what the other man was wearing. Blue rollneck, checkered blue cardigan and dark brown slacks.

Fashion was definitely different in this universe.

“You look disgraceful,” Not-Dad cut in, but he didn’t look over at him. Their voices were different, so as long as he didn’t look at him, the scolding didn’t hurt so much. “Do up that shirt properly.” Scott ignored him, and Other-Gordon’s sing-song I told you so.

Other-Scott was less ignorable, striding up to him and yanking sharply on the sleeve cuffs to unroll them.

“Don’t wreck my clothes,” he complained. “You’ll stretch the sleeves doing that.” Scott rolled his eyes and tugged his arms back. “Dad, someone needs to get him some new clothes; he can’t keep wearing mine.”

“Or the same underpants because he refuses to wear yours,” Other-Gordon cut in.

“Gordon, Tin-Tin’s present!” Not-Dad snapped, although the young woman was tittering quietly and didn’t seem at all mortified. “We’ll deal with the clothing situation once debrief is over. In the meantime, wear my son’s clothes properly, young man.”

Scott tugged at the sleeves, smoothing them out again at Other-Scott’s request but not doing up any buttons.

“Are you always this insolent?” Not-Dad demanded when he realised Scott wasn’t obeying him. “What does it take to get some respect in my own house?”

Hiding his reluctance, Scott turned his head to meet his eyes. Not-Dad’s eyes were still a hard steely grey; both Other-John and Other-Gordon had mentioned that the two of them clashing was inevitable, and Scott could tell that they were right. He should defer to the other man – it was his home, and he was the one in charge of the people that could get him home – but even considering doing so made his heart rebel violently.

He hadn’t protected his family and his father’s legacy for the past eight years by backing down, and he wasn’t about to start now.

“I respect people who earn it,” he said pointedly. “You don’t get a free pass just because you’re rich and powerful; I’ve rescued too many rich and powerful people from their own stupidity for that.” Francois Lemaire came to mind. The reasoning behind birthday parties in the Mariana Trench and flying into a comet’s coma still boggled him.

Not-Dad looked taken aback, as though the idea of earning respect was foreign to him. Or maybe it was the fact that he admittedly looked just like the man’s eldest son, so maybe hearing that from him was a shock to the system.

“What about International Rescue?” the man asked, and Scott shrugged.

“What about it?”

“Does that not get your respect?”

“I can respect what an organisation does without respecting the man behind it,” he pointed out, coolly. “The fact that you’re International Rescue tells me that you’ll do everything you can to get me home, and I respect that.”

“So you don’t respect us,” Not-Dad said flatly, a hint of anger in his tone, and Scott shrugged.

“I don’t know you,” he reminded the room at large. “You’re an alternate universe version of my family, and I’m still working out what that means. I trust you to help me, but respect? I don’t know you well enough for that.”

“He’s got a point, Dad,” Other-Scott said, perching on the arm of the neighbouring chair. The support was unexpected, but welcome. “Just because he looks like me doesn’t mean he is me.”

“You’re pretty similar,” Other-Gordon piped up, and Scott rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what you said earlier,” he reminded him. Other-Gordon simply shrugged.

“I’m working with more information now.”

“What information?” Not-Dad demanded, and Scott sent the ginger a glare, realising too late that the younger man had never agreed not to share their conversation in the hangar. Other-Gordon was too sharp for his liking. Was his Gordon going to end up that difficult to wrangle in four years, or was it just because despite appearances he wasn’t Other-Gordon’s brother?

“I spent the last three hours playing chess against him,” Other-Gordon informed the room. To his surprise, Other-Scott laughed.

“You couldn’t beat him either? Gordon’s a demon when it comes to chess.”

“I can’t say I expected to win,” Scott admitted. “That’s a fact in both universes.” Other-Gordon preened, and Not-Dad sat back in his desk chair, clearly deciding to let them talk without his intervention.

That act felt a little bit more like Dad, and Scott looked away, the never-healed hole in his heart throbbing painfully. Other-Gordon sent him a sharp look, but said nothing. Other-Scott watched the silent exchange with confusion; Scott didn’t plan on enlightening him, even if he was probably drawing his own conclusions.

Scott looked around as Other-Gordon carried the conversation, talking a mile a minute about chess with – or rather, at – his eldest brother, who slumped off of the arm of the chair he was perching on to sit in it properly. Scott could relate to the post-mission exhaustion, and felt a stab of jealousy that as soon as debrief was over, Other-Scott didn’t have to worry about it anymore. Not-Dad would take it all from there.

No wonder he wasn’t going grey yet.

The photos on the wall had changed. Gone were the five relaxing young men, lounging around in their civvies. Instead, there were photos of the same five young men all wearing IR blue and coloured sashes, posed just like their own portraits at home. He couldn’t believe they still wore those damn hats, then again, that was something he’d scrapped after Dad’s crash. Not-Dad clearly liked the things enough to still keep them, although he wondered if they really wore them all the time.

Their baldrics, although they looked more like sashes than baldrics, matched the colours Other-Scott had rattled off earlier – lilac for Other-John, yellow for Other-Virgil, orange for Other-Gordon and white for Other-Alan. Other-Scott himself had blue, and Scott wondered how much of a say they’d had in their colours. At home, they matched their Thunderbirds, but Thunderbird One here was still the same colour scheme.

“Operation Cover-Up was in effect last time you were in here,” Other-Gordon commented. “If you’re wondering why the pictures are different.” He turned back to look at him and discovered the room was staring at him. Of course they were.

“Operation Cover-Up?” he asked, frowning. “What’s that?”

Other-Scott narrowed his eyes, but it was Not-Dad that replied, frowning back at him in return.

“Surely you have one of your own?” he inquired. “The identity of International Rescue must be kept secret, after all.”

Scott had almost forgotten about that; the first one of Dad’s rules to fly out of the window, not that he’d been able to do anything about it.

“I wish,” he muttered. While having their identities was useful at times, being dogged and recognised at a glance whenever they were out in public – and unable to let visitors onto the island without extensive background checks because otherwise they’d go snooping – was beyond tiring. Even their location wasn’t as hidden as he’d like, especially not now the GDF knew it – Colonel Casey promised it was a high level clearance secret, but that didn’t change the fact there were people in the GDF that knew.

“Are you saying it’s not a secret in your universe?” Not-Dad demanded, and Scott shrugged.

“The world’s not stupid.” He slumped back in his chair, hyper aware that everyone in the room was watching him with varying levels of interest and disbelief. “Billionaire ex-Astronaut Jeff Tracy goes missing the exact same time the Commander of IR does. Two and two makes four. Not even John and Lady P could cover that up.” Especially not with the Hood leaking the information left, right and centre before going underground, as though killing his Dad wasn’t enough damage. “Best we’ve got is that most of the world don’t know where we live.”

“How are you still operating?” Other-Scott asked, beating his father to it by barely a second, judging by Not-Dad’s opened mouth. “Aren’t people trying to steal the technology?”

Scott groaned. “All the damn time. Island’s on permanent lockdown – no-one’s allowed on or off without our security’s approval. The GDF-” Other-John hadn’t known what that was “-the world military suffers us because we’re better at saving people than them and they know it. Our godmother being a Colonel helps a lot.” He ran a hand over his face again, feeling drained just thinking about the mess he had to deal with daily to keep IR running.

How would they manage without him? Would the GDF force them to shut down, or would John or Virgil step up? How far did Colonel Casey’s reach go; could she still keep them out of trouble with the GDF?

“Scott?” It was Other-Gordon that spoke, but when he pulled his hand away from his face it was Not-Dad he looked at.

“It’s possible to operate when the world knows who you are, but it’s a damn headache.”

“Language!” the man barked. “There are women present.” Scott rolled his eyes, under no illusions that Tin-Tin and Mrs Tracy hadn’t heard worse.

“Gee, so that’s why you’re going grey,” Other-Gordon chipped in, and Scott glowered at him half-heartedly. “And here I was thinking I was going to need to see if Scott was hiding some dye somewhere.”

“Gordon,” Other-Scott growled. The ginger put his hands up.

“Just saying; it seemed suspicious that he’s going grey and you’re not.”

“Why would I be going grey already?” Other-Scott demanded. “I’m thirty.”

“And he’s twenty-seven, so that argument doesn’t hold any water, old chap,” Other-Gordon retorted.

“Wait, what?” All eyes fell on Scott again, and he sent another withering glance Other-Gordon’s way. The ginger wasn’t saying anything he’d explicitly wanted not said, but he was definitely skirting around dangerously close to the edge. “It’s not twenty-sixty-five where you’re from?” Other-Scott continued, and Scott froze.

“Twenty-what?” he asked. That… didn’t make sense. That didn’t make sense at all. He’d be thirty-two in 2065, not thirty. Then again, the age gaps between Virgil, Gordon and Alan were also different between the two universes, so maybe he shouldn’t be surprised.

“I take it that’s a no?” Other-Scott replied, and he shrugged.

“Twenty-sixty.”

“That’s weird.”

“Tell me about it,” Scott groaned. “I need to tell your Brains this stuff but apparently I’m not allowed to disturb him.”

“What ‘stuff’?” Tin-Tin asked, inserting herself in the conversation. “Have you worked anything out?”

“Scott and I were playing spot the difference earlier,” Other-Gordon chipped in. “Seems there’s a few more differences than we thought.”

“Like different dates of birth,” Other-Scott noted. “I was twenty-five in twenty-sixty, not twenty-seven. Is your birthday April fourth?”

Scott nodded, relieved that at least one thing was the same.

“Different age gaps, too,” Other-Gordon pointed out.

“Your brothers are closer in age?” Not-Dad asked. “It can’t be the opposite, or you’d be too young to operate.” Scott winced; the topic was getting too close to areas he didn’t want it, and unlike Other-Gordon, Not-Dad and probably Other-Scott wouldn’t let the matter of Alan’s age drop. “They’re not?” Not-Dad sounded startled, and he realised the wince had given him away. “But-”

He stood up suddenly.

“Let me know when you’re debriefing,” he said, and walked out. Dammit all; he’d said he wouldn’t run away, and he knew he couldn’t keep Alan’s age from Not-Dad and Other-Scott forever, but he wasn’t ready to see the disapproval on Not-Dad’s face. Not when it was so like Dad’s.

“Scott!” It was a woman’s voice – Tin-Tin’s, to be precise, and he reluctantly turned to see the younger woman following him hurriedly. With the topic of ages on his mind, he realised she was probably a similar age to Kayo, not older like the Tracy family seemed to be. Something else that made no sense.

“What is it?” he asked her as she came to a stop in front of her. No-one else emerged from the lounge; whether they were talking about him, or had decided to entrust him to Tin-Tin, he didn’t know.

“I want to hear about these differences,” she said firmly. “Brains is busy with the data he already has, but I’m not.” She put a hand on his arm and directed him towards the stairs.

“What do you mean?” he asked, following her with the reminder that she was this universe’s Kayo stuck in his mind. Just because she didn’t look as dangerous, didn’t mean she wasn’t.

“You recognised my father’s name, but not mine,” she observed. “Let’s start at the beginning; good day, it’s very nice to meet you. My name is Tin-Tin Kyrano and my primary role on the island is as Brains’ assistant.”

That was different, but the words ‘Brains’ assistant’ stuck out like a lifeline. He smiled at her and stuck out his hand. “Good day, and it’s very nice to meet you. The name’s Scott Tracy and in my universe I’m the commander of International Rescue.” She looked at his hand for a moment before grasping it. Her grip was light but firm and he knew his initial impressions had been correct – she was not a woman to be crossed.

If she could help get him home, he had no intentions of crossing her.

“Well, now that we’re introduced,” she smiled, guiding him back towards the infirmary but stopping in front of a different door, pushing it open to reveal a homely sitting area, “perhaps we should talk about those differences Brains needs to know about. Come in; we still have fifteen minutes before Thunderbird Two gets back, and the boys won’t be ready for debrief for another fifteen after that.”

It was only after he entered that he saw the king-sized bed, surrounded with drapes, in an alcove of the room and realised it must be her bedroom.

“Take a seat,” she invited, gesturing to a plush loveseat. “Would you like something to drink?”

“If you have coffee that would be amazing,” he admitted, and she laughed.

“I think the American men on this island would all stop functioning if we didn’t have coffee,” she smiled, heading for a coffee press in the corner of the room. Scott wondered why that was there when the kitchen was just down the hall. “How do you take it?”

“However I can get it,” Scott admitted. “But ideally a splash of milk and a sugar.”

“Just like our Scott,” she commented. “How you men live off so much caffeine, I will never understand. Your blood must be more coffee than blood at this rate.”

Scott smiled dryly. “Something like that.”

“I must confess I’m curious – what am I like in your universe?” she asked as she set the water to boil. “You don’t look at me like you do the boys.”

“Kayo – Tanusha, but we call her Kayo after she put me down in a sparring session – is… different to you,” Scott admitted. “She’s a tomboy, our head of security after Kyrano… left. Grew up with us as a sister, jumps into a fight first chance she gets. I have to hold her back more than all of my brothers combined.”

Kayo would be going ballistic that he vanished right under her nose, even though she hadn’t been on the island at the time. He hoped she wouldn’t follow in Kyrano’s footsteps and vanish after ‘failing’ him. His brothers still needed her, whatever else happened.

Tin-Tin made a noise of surprise. “I assumed she must have been different, but that is very different,” she observed. The kettle whistled, steam pouring out of it, and she decanted the contents into the coffee press. “She gets into fights? Whatever do people think of that?”

“Kayo doesn’t care,” Scott shrugged. “She usually wins them, anyway.”

“That’s not particularly ladylike,” Tin-Tin observed, although she didn’t sound particularly scandalised about it. “Is that common in your universe? You mentioned your godmother’s a Colonel in the military..?”

Scott thought to how Not-Dad had been so strict on language in front of her, and frowned.

“Are women generally treated like they’re made of glass here, or is that just him?” he asked. “Grandma, Kayo and Lady P would have all had something to say if someone specifically cleaned up their language in front of them because they’re female.”

“As a general rule they think we’re delicate flowers, yes,” Tin-Tin confirmed, carrying a tray with two cups on it over to the table. One was clearly his coffee, while the other looked like another herbal tea. “Your attitude is quite refreshing, although when Mr Tracy isn’t around the boys lose the gentlemanly airs a little.”

“When you live with a sister who can kick your ass seven ways to Sunday and a Grandma with a sharp tongue you learn women aren’t made of glass pretty damn quick,” Scott shrugged.

“I suppose you would,” she agreed, pulling out a notebook and pencil. “That seems like quite the incentive, but while you’re here, at least try to pretend you think we’re made of glass.” She winked. “It somewhat ruins the deception if a man sees through it.”

That was a very Lady Penelope response, and Scott made a mental note of that.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he agreed, before looking pointedly at the notebook. “You had questions?”

“Those differences Gordon alluded to,” she confirmed. “I’ll write them down and give them to Brains to look at once he’s finished with the information he currently has.” Scott nodded his head and began to talk about the differences he and Other-Gordon had realised earlier.

The different age gaps – Tin-Tin let out a small gasp when she found out Alan was only fifteen, but didn’t comment, much to his relief – and the different years of birth had already been somewhat covered in the lounge, but he also mentioned the differences in appearance, describing them as best he could and failing utterly at anything past “John’s hair is ginger, Virgil’s is black, Gordon’s is blond, and they’re all kinda younger-looking”. His observation of different fashions, their earlier discussion on perception of women, and even an attempt into the technological differences also made their way into Tin-Tin’s rapidly filling notebook. At some point they heard the sound of a rumbling engine, deeper than Thunderbird One’s, and he recognised it as this universe’s Thunderbird Two. Tin-Tin barely reacted, only mentioning off-handedly that they had about fifteen minutes left before continuing their conversation.

She steered clear of asking any questions about what had happened to his Dad, which he appreciated. That wound had been rubbed raw more than enough for one day, what with his initial outburst, Other-John’s quiet probing and Other-Gordon’s outright interrogation. She did, however, manage to steer the conversation towards his grandmother, and almost fell out of her chair when she discovered Sally Tracy couldn’t cook.

“However do you boys keep yourselves fed?” she demanded. “If it’s not Mrs Tracy, my father, or Kayo?”

Scott shrugged. “Take-out or snatching time to cook between missions,” he admitted. “One good thing about the world knowing we’re IR is that if I use Thunderbird One, take-out’s still hot by the time I get it back.” She laughed at that for a moment before turning serious again.

“But you boys must have a balanced diet,” she worried. “There’s no way you can keep up with the physical demands of International Rescue without one.”

“We manage,” he assured her. “When John’s home we lock him in the kitchen; he’s by far the best cook out of the five of us.” That elicited another laugh, although she looked halfway cross with herself for it. “We can all cook at least enough to survive.” She didn’t look entirely convinced, but with an entire universe between them, there wasn’t much she could do about it and the topic reluctantly got dropped.

“This is a lot of differences,” she said instead, looking down at her pages and pages of small, scrawling handwriting. Scott could barely read it, but it had also been a long time since he’d had to read anything handwritten that wasn’t his own writing – and even that was unusual. Why handwrite when you had computers to do that for you? “Most of them are small enough to work around while you’re here, but the differing years suggest your universe is five years younger than ours, and I’m not sure if there’s any significance about the different years of birth. That’s something Brains or John might understand better.”

He nodded his understanding, his chest feeling lighter now he felt like they were getting somewhere. Baby steps to be sure, and Other-John’s gentle reminder that it could take years still rang in his ears, but progress was progress.

“Now, it’s about time for the debrief to start,” she said, checking her own watch. Scott did the same, but the analogue dial taunted him, reminding him that he needed to learn to read it sooner rather than later – although that meant finding someone to teach him. “Alan and Virgil should be all cleaned up by now.”

Scott drained the remains of his coffee and stood up, empty cup in hand.

“Oh, leave the cup on the table,” Tin-Tin told him. “I’ll clean it up later.”

“If you’re sure,” he said dubiously – Grandma would have his hide for leaving dirty crockery anywhere that wasn’t the kitchen, and even then it was expected to be cleaned immediately. Rescues were the only permissible excuse to do otherwise.

“Perfectly,” she assured him, hand once again on his arm. “Come on, let’s go hear about what the boys did today.” With one last glance at the cup, and noticing that Tin-Tin had picked up her notebook, he let the young woman nudge him out of the room and headed for the stairs up to the lounge again.

Chapter 7>>>

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds are go fanfiction #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #tsari writes fanfiction #scott tracy #long way from home #gordon tracy #jeff tracy #tin-tin kyrano

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worryinglyinnocent · 4 years

Text

Fic: Literature Past and Present

AU-gust Day Two: College AU Fandom: Once Upon A Time Pairing: Rumbelle

Rated: G

Summary: Gold’s trepidation at returning to university to get his degree over two decades after he first dropped out is put to rest on meeting one of his professors, Belle French.

Note: This is set in the UK in my alma mater.

===

Literature Past and Present

Despite this being something that he had wanted to do for a long time, Gold couldn’t help but feel a distinct sense of fear as he made his way across the university campus towards his very first class of the term.

For a long time after he’d dropped out of university the first time, Gold had worked on the principle that he didn’t need a degree and his business ventures had worked perfectly fine without one for many years.

Now that Neal had graduated and had a family of his own, and now that his property ventures and the antique shop did not require as much of his personal input as they always used to, Gold had found his tune changing slightly. Hearing about everything that Neal had got up to during his own studying days had reignited Gold’s interest in learning.

He had no desire to participate in the usual student lifestyle, he was far too old for that now, but his desire to go back and actually finish his degree this time was becoming stronger and stronger, until he had bitten the bullet and applied to study English as a mature student at the local university.

He would be the oldest person in his class by quite a way; he held no compunctions about that. He was prepared for all the strange looks that he would receive, surrounded by people more than half his age, which was why he was arriving early. Hopefully, he would be able to find a seat at the back of the room, nice and unobtrusive. As long as he made it clear that he was here to learn and not get involved in anything else, then he’d be left alone.

He made it to the room where the first seminar of the semester was taking place and peered in through the glass panel in the door. He was the first student to arrive, but the professor was already there, tapping away on her laptop whilst the screen showed the first slide of a presentation.

Gold took a deep breath and entered the room. The door squeaked ominously as he closed it behind him and the professor looked up, giving him a smile.

“You’re keen. We’re not due to start for another fifteen minutes, you know.”

Gold nodded. “Yes. I, erm… Yes.”

He sank into a seat at the back of the room and the professor continued to type for a while. The slide on the screen showed her to be Dr Belle French, and it welcomed him to English Module 1001: Literature Past and Present (Part One).

Gold pulled his notebook and pens out of his bag. It was like being back at school again, just as nerve-wracking, although he was sure that this particular teacher wouldn’t be as strict or terrifying as the ones he had known in his childhood, and that would make for a better experience. He looked down at the reading list. He’d enjoyed going through all of the books over the summer, especially reading the ones that he had already read in a different, more critical light, thinking about the messages that the words conveyed, either intentionally or otherwise.

Presently, Dr French stopped typing and closed the laptop, coming round the desk and leaning back on it.

“So, can I know the name of my diligent student?”

It took Gold a moment to twig that she was speaking to him and not to any of the other currently non-existent people in the room.

“Raymond Gold,” he said eventually.

“Pleased to meet you, Raymond. I’m Belle. I don’t stand on ceremony in my classes; Dr French always sounds so stuffy and formal. So, are you taking English as a single honours course or a supplementary?”

“Single.”

“Great! In that case, I’ll be seeing you again – I take a lot of the analysis and writing skills lectures as well. And if you’re that way inclined, I teach all the feminist literature modules to the second and third years.” She laughed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be so forward, but I’m all for pimping my courses on the first day. You never know what might stick in people’s heads. So, what made you decide to choose English?”

“Well, as you can probably see, I’m not taking a degree to help me on my future career path.” He paused. “I apologise, that sounds like I’m disparaging your field as not being useful.”

Belle shrugged. “I don’t mind, it’s a common argument. ‘What can you do with a BA in English?’ as the Avenue Q song puts it so well. I mean, I’m happy to have the argument with you, but we’ve only got seven minutes before the class starts and I can go on all day if I’ve a mind to. Anyway, go on.”

“What I mean is, when I decided to come back and get my degree after far too long since I dropped out, I was lucky to be in the privileged position of being able to study something that I wanted to study just because I enjoyed it, rather than having to think about what could be the most advantageous to me in the future.”

“I like that sentiment.” Belle smiled. “I wonder how many more people would follow their dreams if they had that same chance. And obviously, I’m biased, but I must say that I’m very glad that English is the subject that you enjoy and chose to study. I’m lucky really, I knew that all I ever wanted to do in my life was work with literature and write, so becoming an academic presented itself to me as a career path early.” She paused. “Do you mind if I ask what your career has turned out to be?”

“I’ve done all sorts of things and had all sorts of investments, but mainly antiques trading. I learned on the job and never looked back. Well, until my son graduated, and I realised that I wanted to have that learning experience again. He never let me hear the end of it, teasing me that I was trying to steal his thunder. I know he’s pleased deep down. Dropping out was one of my biggest regrets.” Gold laughed. “I did law the first time around. I think I’ve made a much better choice this time.”

“Well, naturally I think so, but I’ve got a vested interest in keeping you on this course.” Belle winked, and Gold had to look down at his pens with intense interest. He absolutely could not be developing a crush on the professor on his first day. Student-teacher liaisons were not a good idea. Although, that said, that was usually because the students were a lot younger than the teachers in the position of power, and he could safely say that was definitely not the case with him and Belle. All the same, it would be a bit strange. No, he could not and would not fancy Dr French.

At that point, their conversation had to break off as more students started to arrive and take their seats, and Belle started to talk to them as well. Although Gold received a few odd looks from his classmates, once the seminar began and people began to talk about the subject rather than themselves, things became much more relaxed. Gold kept his head down for the most part, not getting too involved in the lively debates, but he was content to listen and learn. Every so often, his eye caught Belle’s, and she always had a smile for him.

Gold sighed. This was not a very auspicious start to his degree.

Belle held her office hours on Wednesday afternoons, traditionally the time of the week with the least scheduled lectures and seminars. It was always hit and miss as to how many visitors she would get on any given week; sometimes they were queuing up outside her office before she even got there, and other times she could sit with the door open for the full two hours and not hear a peep from anyone.

They were about a quarter of the way through the semester, and this week was one of the quiet ones. The students had a paper due the next Friday, so she anticipated a last-minute rush the next week. Today was the calm before the storm, and she was sitting happily in the late autumn sunshine that streamed in through her window, reading a novel. There was plenty of academic work that she could have been doing instead, but she never liked to get stuck into anything during office hours in case she was interrupted and lost her thread.

A knock on the doorframe pulled her out of her thoughts and she spun around in her chair to see Raymond Gold standing there, looking nervous. It was the first time that he had come to her office hours. That wasn’t unusual – some students never came, and others were in practically every other week. Belle didn’t begrudge either type; everyone had their own ways of learning and studying.

“Hi Raymond, come on in. What can I do for you? Is it about the essay?”

He shook his head, coming in and sitting at the other chair in the room. Being a junior lecturer as she was and not yet a tenured professor, Belle shared her office with a colleague, Merida. They got on well and were almost never in the office at the same time, which was a blessing when it came to office hours as there was really not enough room for more than two people in the glorified broom cupboard that they shared.

“No, it’s not about the essay. Well, it is a bit, I suppose. I, erm, I read your book.”

“Oh.” Belle felt herself blushing. Publishing her book had been a strange point in her career; she was so proud of her achievement but at the same time she still felt ridiculously egoistic to be recommending her own work to her students as a study aid.

“I just wanted to talk to you about it,” Raymond continued. “I really enjoyed it. It was very insightful.”

“I’m glad you liked it. Not many people can sit through two hundred pages of contextual analysis of the Brontë sisters which basically boils down to ‘who’s worse, Rochester or Heathcliff?’”

“Heathcliff, by a mile,” Raymond said. “But I think there’s a lot more to it than that.”

They continued to talk, Belle checking that there was no one else hanging around the door wanting to speak to her every so often, but they were not interrupted. It was wonderful talking about her passion, and even more so finding that one of her students shared it.

She sighed inwardly. She had vowed when she had first discovered Raymond in her seminar that she would not treat him any differently to the rest of her students because of his age, but now she was having more and more trouble with that. Not with treating him any differently in class, that was never a problem. But with this moment now, with the moments when they spoke outside of the academic context. He was closer to her own age than every other student she’d met – he was actually older than her, which was rare in academia. Outside of the classroom, it was harder and harder to see him as a student and not as… something else.

She wondered what the etiquette was in these circumstances. Rules on student and teacher fraternisation were in place for a reason, but he was a very different student.

Belle waited until he had left before knocking her head against her desk with a groan. The last few minutes of their conversation had become stilted, as if they were both waiting for the other to make the first move. She couldn’t be imagining it that he was grappling with the same kind of feelings that she was. She could see it in his dark brown eyes, watching her whilst she talked animatedly about her pet projects.

“So, I take it that the head-desk has something to do with the handsome chap who I just walked past?” Merida came back into the office and took the now vacant chair, prodding Belle until she looked up and nodded.

“What do I do now, Merida?”

“Well, I suggest you run after him and ask him if he wants to go and get a cup of tea, but then that’s just what worked for me and Mulan.”

“He’s one of my students, Merida.”

“Really? Wow.” She looked over her shoulder out of the room and ducked back in. “Well, he’s not got to the stairwell yet. How long are the corridors in this building? It’s downright ridiculous.”

“He’s a student, Merida.”

“Belle…” Merida sighed. “Go with your gut, love. All things considered, is it really going to be as much of a problem as you think it might be? You’re both definitely grown-up, I’m sure you can be civil about the whole thing.”

Belle nodded. Merida was right. It might not be orthodox, but then, Raymond was not exactly an orthodox student.

She got up and left her office, following him down the corridor at a pace that was not quite a run but definitely not just a walk. She caught up to him in the entrance.

“Wait, Raymond.”

He turned back towards her.

“Belle?”

“I was just wondering… I don’t have anywhere to be until five. Did you want to get a cup of tea maybe?”

Raymond smiled. “That would be lovely. And my friends generally call me Rum.”

“Rum. I like that.”

Belle couldn’t stop smiling as they made their way to the small café outside the humanities department building. She was very happy to be considered a friend, and maybe, in time, more than a friend.

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #Belle French #Mr Gold #college AU #AU-gust #Worry does AU-gust #Fic: Literature Past and Present

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