#she may have made the wrong choice and she wont let him do the same. its breaking the cycle of self-sacrifice its making up for her mistake | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angsty-twihardxx · 2 years

Text

Heartbreak Led Me Back to You | E.M

Chapter 1 | A Call With Your Past

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary | You and Eddie were childhood friends, best friend even. When your life changes drastically you runaway from Hawkins, leaving Eddie and Wayne without a goodbye. But when things go wrong she has no choice but to go back, a second chance for the two to finally admit their feelings.

Warnings | (18+) Adult Themes that some may find upsetting, mentions of abuse, alcohol/drug abuse, slurs directed at reader(f), swearing, angst, sexual references and eventual smut. Pls let me know if I missed anything x

A/N | The first couple of chapters do go back and fourth in time for a bit, but I promise it wont last long. x

Hawkins Indiana - Hawkins High School - 1984

The halls of Hawkins High echoed with the sound of shoes hitting the linoleum floor, you were late, again.

Your pants filled the small classroom where everyone's eyes looked up at you, Mrs Brown glared at you. Your science teacher was not clearly impressed–and not surprised with your tardiness. “Miss Y/N, how kind of you to join us. I'm assuming you didn’t use your time to retrieve your science textbook from your locker?” She stared unamused daggers at you. “You would be correct ma’am.” She sighed at your response, sitting down to indicate for you to go find your seat. Which was being used as a footrest for a particular brunette, your best friend and pain in the ass, Eddie Munson. “Hey you.” His grin reached his ears which made his dimples show, you returned his smile willingly. You kicked his feet off of your chair which was to his right, he reached his hands to his ankles, pretending to be in agonising pain. “Serves you right, who knows where your feet have been.”

“Hey I was just keeping it warm for you sweetheart.” You ignored the way the pet name he called you made your cheeks heat up, at least this morning you could blame it on having to run twenty minutes to get to school. “If you two are done, I’d like to continue my lesson.” Mrs Brown looked at the two of you with a stiff arm on her hip. Making the two of you share a tight lipped smile as Eddie handed over the science textbook and held it so the both of you could keep up.

“Hey, if you didn’t have a ride you could’ve called me.” Eddie nudged you playfully as the two of you pushed past other students in the hallway. “You want to be my knight in shining armour? Arriving at my castle on your noble steed.” You sang, pressing the back of your hand to your head, pretending to pass out, making Eddie shake his head at your joking nature.

I’ll always take care of you sweetheart. Those were the words he told you when you both started high school, and he kept his word. “I would’ve but my father ‘assured’ me that he would be conscious this morning. Serves me right for believing him I guess, but it’s fine. I could use the exercise.” You shrugged, catching his concerned eyes gazing into the side of your head.

Eddie cared about you so much that it scared him sometimes. Especially times like today when you were late to class, even though they happened frequently, he still found himself nervously playing with his ring clad fingers. He knew you didn’t like to talk about your parents much, the same way he didn’t like talking about his, a mutual understanding.

But you were an optimist, you always believed that one day you would wake up and you didn’t live in a trailer park and your parents had office jobs that would go out together on the weekends.

A normal life.

He didn’t pester you anymore, deciding against pissing you off. The two of you found your spots at the table that was declared to the ‘freaks’ where Jeff and Gareth had been waiting. “Hey Eddie, anymore on our shirt designs?” Jeff spoke as he shovelled the cafeteria ‘lasagna’ into his mouth, making you wince in disgust.

Maybe if these boys weren’t complete animals, they wouldn’t be such outcasts. Especially Eddie, you had told him off numerous times, telling him it wouldn’t kill him to stop carrying his lunchbox with drugs in it.

You rolled your eyes, remembering the torture Eddie had put you through over the weekend going on about their new club. “Oh god please do not get him started! I swear this boy has never used an iron before in his life. Now all of a sudden I’m working my ass off getting all of these shirts pressed.”

“Oh please, the most you had to do was walk to old lady Drewett’s trailer and ask her to iron them for you.” Eddie exasperated at your dramatics, besides she wouldn’t iron them if he showed up at her doorstep. “It’s not my fault I’m so down with the grandparents.” You shrugged as you reached down to your backpack that you carried with you to the cafeteria, reaching in and handing the boys their personal ‘Hellfire Club’ shirts. “Here we go gentlemen.” You bowed your head, always being one for mock dramatics, you held the shirts out for the boys.

All their mouths fell open as they gushed over them, Eddie clearly admiring his work. “Now we just need to recruit a few others, and then we can start our first campaign as Hellfire!” Eddie exclaimed happily, making you smile.

You felt some sort of pride, seeing him light about the DnD club that he was creating, he was gleaming with pride. Eddie hated school, if it weren’t for you being so adamant on the two of you graduating together he probably would drop out.

You loved how excited it made him, when Eddie was in his element, he glowed, his beautiful aura that made him different from all the other boys. It made him Eddie.The two of you had been friends since you were kids, you honestly don’t remember a part of your life without him.

It all started with you finding him at the lake behind the trailer park where the two of you lived. Your parents told you to go outside and play while they had a visit from some ‘unsavoury’ guests, so you wandered to the lake just behind the trailer park, it was the only quiet place around. His hair was shorter then, his shoulders shook as you approached him. You walked up to him and sat down beside him, you dipped your bare feet into the water, looking at the boy with understanding eyes. You were only a kid but you knew what the shouting coming from his trailer meant, you knew all too well. Without a word you split the muffin you held in your hand that you were going to eat on your own, but sweets always made you feel better so maybe it would make him stop crying. He took it gingerly from your small hand, not used to someone so close in age treating him with such kindness.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 1988

You stood inside the dingy ‘Highway 70 Hotel’, pacing in circles as your fingers anxiously fiddled with the coiled phone cord. Your eyes were glued on your son Christopher who was on the ground in front of the TV, watching the morning cartoons with his bowl of cereal, totally oblivious to the nervous breakdown you were about to have.

You dialled the familiar number that you had memorised since you were fourteen, your fingers shook as you held the receiver to your ear. The few seconds that it rang felt like hours were ticking away. “Wayne speaking.” His voice was gruff, making your breath hitch as you heard the familiar voice. “Wayne? It’s uh, it’s Y/N.”

His side of the line was silent for a moment, you could only imagine him running his hand through his buzz cut hair. “Geez kiddo, it’s been a long time. How ya been?” You tried not to scoff at the irony of his question.

Fucken great Wayne, my ex-husband that you didn’t even know I had, kicked me out and I’ve been in and out of hotels. Oh! And I also had a kid.

But you could never lie to Wayne. You let out a pained sob, you haven’t had anyone to talk to for over a week except the local weirdos that sat around the hotel room you were staying in. “Not good Wayne, I uh- god everything is just shit. I know I don't deserve your help, but I don’t have anyone else to ask for help and I–”

“Slow down would ya? Look, I told you that you would always be family, that hasn’t changed. You know I’ll always be here if you need me, now what do you need?”

. . .

That conversation with Wayne was just over three weeks ago, a week after your husband Michael had basically kicked you out, along with your son Christopher. Now you were in your car that was packed to the brim of all your belongings, well at least the most important ones. Your eyes watered at the sight, trying to fit you and Christopher's life into the backseat of your car, going back to the only place you could. Hawkins.

You sigh into the steering wheel, mixture of anxiety and a night without sleep pouring out of you, the hotel bed you slept on last night felt like cardboard. Your fingers clutched the steering wheel tightly, as your knuckles turned white, your wedding band glistened as the sun shone onto it, your brain reminding you of the last time you spoke with Michael.

“Why are you getting mad at me Y/N? You wanted this, not me!” Your eyes glared at the back of his head as he turned to walk away to the kitchen. He had been out with his friends after work, a ritual that he had been doing frequently as of late. Leaving you and Christopher alone in your home. He was an awful drunk, he spat venom where he would usually say the most loving words to you. It put up with this from your own parents growing up, you had no intention of doing it now. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You whisper yelled at him, making sure to not wake up your son, you thought of how sweet and kind he was when you told him you were pregnant, how he was always going to take care of you. Back when he was kinder. Even though you were at least a head shorter than him you stomped towards him your lack of height was made up by your anger. “You should’ve thought about that before you decided ‘last minute’ to not bother wearing a condom!”

“Oh, here we go! So it’s my fault!”

“It’s no one's fault! This was both of us, it takes two people to make a baby Michael! But you are deciding now, about three years too late, that you don’t want to do this anymore!”

“You're right, I don't want to do this! What do you want me to do, pretend we are in love. Raise a kid who probably isn't even mine.” His last comment made you stop in your tracks, he actually had the nerve to say that Christopher wasn’t his. “How. Dare. You.” You hissed, raising your finger accusingly. Every time he drank like this he would accuse you of infidelity, even though he knew very well you hadn’t been with anyone but him. “What? You know that’s what everyone said in highschool, that you're a whore that couldn’t keep her legs closed. Especially for that freak Munson–” His slurred accusations were cut short as your palm struck his cheek, you flinched at the sight of his eyes glaring down at you with his drunken stupor. “You know I haven’t slept with anyone else, so don’t. You. Dare! Accuse me of cheating when you are in no position to talk!” You poked his chest as you spoke, only angering him more. You were expecting him to put his hands on you, to scream at you even.

Instead he stood up straight and glared at you taking large steps towards you, all fury in you dissipated as you backed into the wall behind you. His breath reeked of alcohol as he leaned forward, his mouth just centimetres from your ear. “I want you gone tomorrow. You do not want to be here when I get back.” He spoke slowly, dark– it sent shivers down your spine. It was rare that you were truly scared of him. He grabbed his keys from beside you and slammed the door shut behind him.

. . .

You didn’t have anywhere else to go, both of your parents were deadbeats, you hadn’t seen them since you were a teenager. Hell, you didn’t even know if they were alive, being told that one day your parents just up and left, and no one had seen them since.

The only person you had that was close to a parental figure was dear old Wayne Munson. Basically taking you in when your parents neglected you, would he be disappointed in you when you saw him? You were a cocaine addiction away to turning out just like her, already ticking teenage pregnancy off the list.

What would it be like going back home? You knew there would be the nosy, judgemental stares from everyone that resided in that god forsaken town. Hawkins was no exception to the small town traditions, you knew people talk. Maybe Michaels mother has already been spewing her son's bullshit around town, that you were a whore, and that Christopher wasn’t even his.

You wondered if Wayne told Eddie. God, what were you going to say to him? Did he hate you for leaving all those years ago? It’s not like you would blame him if you did.

‘Hey sorry I got knocked up and left town without telling you. Sorry we didn’t leave for California together like we planned, I lost my virginity to an asshole– want to meet my son?’

A loud groan emitted from deep in your chest, you let your head hit the top of the steering wheel in your hands. Just wishing you didn’t have to confront everyone from your past. A soft giddy giggle made you raise your head, tucking your chin into your shoulder, smiling at Christopher who sat in his car seat behind you His wide smile grew even bigger as he noticed you turning your attention to him, the few teeth that had grown in stook out. Making you return the giggle as you pinched his chubby cheeks. “You ready buddy?”

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #strangerthings #strange things #fem!reader #joseph quinn #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic

74 notes · View notes

latenightdecaf · 3 years

Text

Entry 6 - of light gaze and worrisome face

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader

Ft. nonidol!bts

Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi

slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life

series of drabbles/one shots

no warnings for now

A/N: starting to get the hang of this again, it’s been a while so i’m just going where my imagination takes me. So i’ll probably be posting another one for tomorrow before the motivation leaves me. Hope you all like it.

Word count: 1,953

Pacing back and forth in the living room as you’re having this conversation with your friend and also editor, Hye Jin. Talking you out into the possibility of taking in another project that would put an indefinite pause to your own book.

“I couldn’t possibly say no, she had this whole speech on how she wanted to make this book for her baby. To read to her when she’s old enough. Words from a loving mother for her newborn child, my goodness.” You stopped and sighed. “I know, but having to accept this means also putting your book on hold, you’ve been working on that for months now—is that really something you are willing to do?” Hye Jin reminded you on the other end. You stopped on your tracks, not saying a word and just looking blankly over the view from your living room. Thinking to yourself, ‘I can’t believe it’s summer already.’

Yoongi who have just woken up and is getting himself some water in the kitchen and were just looking intently at your back not particularly eavesdropping in your conversation, but just looking. You haven’t even realized he walked in.

“I know you, you’re just running away from this. You’ve been so scared of finally publishing something that is yours and yours only. So when a small window of opportunity presents itself you immediately took the ticket to leave.” Hye Jin, your editor who has became a good friend to you throughout these years, has always been good to you—she can so easily read you, too.

“You know for someone who’s actually trying to get pregnant for months now, you don’t seem to understand her feelings. Of course, I’m just here to help.” Weak argument on your end, you know she’s right when she said that you were running away. “You’re always there to help. But what about you? You know for someone who doesn’t want to have kids. I’m surprised you’re too adamant to do this.” Her statement made you laugh. “Have you changed your mind?” She added.

“I may not want kids, but I’m not heartless.”

And those were the last phrase Yoongi heard from you as we backed to his room.

Your conversation with Hye Jin went on for a couple more minutes only to end up with some sort of a compromise.

“You’ll need minimum 3-4 months, and probably maximum 6/7 months to wrap this all up? You need to get this done more quickly. That’s my only deal.” You sighed in defeat. “I’ll try.” Ending the call and waving the white flag. You too were also not sure of what you’re getting yourself into. Is it just you running away? Or is this the small part of you feeling guilty again.

Weeks later, Yoongi’s packing up for their fishing trip that his friend, Jin insisted they would come. He felt like he has no choice but it might be good reason to go our for a change.

“Hey, I thought you said you guys were going camping? Why do you have your equipments with you… you poor corporate slave.”

He laughed at your remark. You’re still looking at his stuff all puzzled and confused by how heavy it all looks. You leaned on the kitchen counter as you watch him put his stuff out from his room.

You asked again, “Dont you think it’s a little too much? Cant you leave some stuff? Do you even have clothes in there? How bout food? Not important? Music is life?” He laughed. You’re good at making him laugh.

He finds all of your worrisome-sarcastic remarks endearing. He looked at you and said, “Look, it’s like you—you not taking your ipad everywhere you go. Or that small sketchbook you have. You draw every chance you get, you draw in the middle of lunch or while waiting for someone. And if not your ipad, you draw even on table napkins and ask the waiter for more. It’s the same for me.”

You let out a smile at his comparison.

“Okay okay, point taken mister. Point. Taken. But my ipad wont break my back—just saying.” You teasingly replied.

“Maybe i can leave some.” Looking at his bags and talking to himself as he puts some of his stuff back in his room and minutes later he’s done preparing for their camping tomorrow.

“All done?” You asked as you look over to a now somehow reduced luggage. “I’ll help you put some of it in your car.”

You carried with him some of his bags as he is the type to have everything ready before leaving.

As you walked down the stairs, just carrying the lightest possible baggage you could ever find. “You sure you have enough food in here?” Lifting the bag and shaking to hear whats inside. “I mean i know you can certainly whip anything and turn it into a meal but this looks like there’s just ramen in here.”

He finds you cute when you worry.

“We’ll do grocery tomorrow on our way, no worries.” That statement puts you at ease. You reached the ground floor and towards his car. “That sounds good. I mean—just incase the fishing thing wont work out. You know, like last time? There might be a lot of fish in the sea and then suddenly there’s none for you—i mean that in the most literal sense. Not just in women, you know—just incase.” Teasing him again and bringing up the time he went home from a fishing trip. He was so tired, they didn’t caught a single fish. And the trip was cut short and they all immediately went home. He declared then to never go with Jin again but I guess, he love that Hyung of him a lot to be packing all these for yet another fishing trip.

There’s a good sense of companionship between the two of you. The way you can always make him smile without even trying. The way you always tease him lightly. He’s known you for a while, has seen you with your friends and he knows that you’re just the warmest person—to everyone, not just to him. But it looks like something has been bothering you lately, he even offered if you wanted to go with him on their fishing trip, assuring you that Jin and Hoseok are good people and nothing bad will happen. But you respectfully declined. Not just because you don’t eat fish but because you just need some time alone. Not that Yoongi has ever been a bother to you in any way too but just alone would be nice, you thought.

Yoongi will be gone for the whole weekend and possibly be returning on Sunday afternoon. You don’t have any particular plans just work and then some more work. As soon as you’re both back into the apartment you asked, “You’re leaving tonight? At midnight?”

“Yeah around that time, why?” Yoongi confirmed.

“Nothing.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, as you stopped in front of the refrigerator to get yourself some coffee.

“Yeah, why won’t I be?”

“You do know you say that a lot.” Yoongi grabbed himself a glass and grabbed the pitcher in your hand and you just smiled. “There’s not much meat left in the fridge, couple of things are missing too. You want me to go to grocery before I leave?” Leaning in the kitchen sink and drinking your coffee. You let out a deep sigh unknowingly. “No, I’ll go. Don’t worry.” You left your empty glass onto the sink. “I’m just saying, I can go if you’re not up for it.” You shake your head to reassure him, “I don’t mind, okay? I’m going to be fine.” You walked passed him as you went to your room.

Yoongi definitely knows that something’s been bothering you for days. He doesn’t want to pry, if you don’t want to talk about it. He just keeps looking at you, just in case you want to talk—these days your mind has always been elsewhere and there’s just so much work to be done.

You wanted to say goodbye before he left but you fell asleep in the middle of the evening and woke up half past one. You went outside to check and it looks like he already left. You got yourself some water from the kitchen and there’s a post-it left in the fridge that says, “Got you some groceries, call me if there’s anything.” You opened fridge and he even refilled your ice creams. You know you couldn’t have a more thoughtful cat. Even when he went away for almost a week for work and you were dying from a sky high fever, you never really called him for anything. But he constantly reminds you that you always can.

Yoongi volunteered to drive this time for some odd reason. It’ll be an almost 2 hour drive from Seoul to Daejeon, he actually doesn’t mind driving and quiets enjoy it more than he’d ever admit. Everything is set, their fishing trip as orchestrated by his hyung, Jin and Hoseok who had no choice but to be dragged unto this trip. They’ve been his friends for the longest time, being in the same company who also works in the industry. Hoseok, a renowned choreographer and Jin, one of the company directors in his agency. He never would’ve agreed to yet another fishing trip if only Jin didn’t promised to have everything paid for and ready to go. He held Hoseok hostage though and so he has no choice but to go as well. Sleeping at the passenger’s seat they both drifted away as Yoongi drives.

They have gone to multiple fishing trips over the years, some where even overseas during their vacation and something wrong always turn out like the time they have to cut the trip short because they have been sitting in the boat for hours and they haven’t caught a single thing. The owner of the boat found it odd too.

But to Yoongi’s surprise everything’s turning out smoothly, on their second day of camping they were able to caught a lot of salmon and have it for dinner. Stuck in his own thoughts while grilling some salmon, Jin shouted. “Yoongi-ah! You’re burning it.” Immediately going back to reality, and thankfully saving the precious fish from burning. “What are you thinking about so deeply?”

“No it’s nothing, Hyung.” He replied as he kept tending to his almost burnt fish.

Once grilling is done they all gathered to have their dinner with some drinks. Soju and beer is always present and with Hoseok around to play some games. In the middle of all the silliness that is Jin and Hoseok and taking the game way too seriously for their own good. Jin asked Yoongi, “Why are you always staring at your phone?” He immediately hide it and said, “No nothing, hyung.”

“What are you thinking of again?” Knowing how Yoongi is sometimes, Jin pried as Yoongi kept looking distracted the entire trip. “Nothing, Hyung. Really.”

“Okay, it’s your turn.” Giving him his Nintendo, he eventually added “If this is about Hyuna, just let me know if you don’t want to work with her again. Maybe we can do something about it.” Yoongi let out a chuckle and drank a shot of soju. “Hyung it’s nothing really, it’s not about her either. The work is fine, we actually finished it sooner than I thought. You must have heard it already.” Jin eventually took the game from Yoongi replied, “I did, you guys were really professional about all this.”

“Of course.” Yoongi proudly replied as he sneaked a peek into his phone again. Unconsciously waiting for some call.

moodboard sr: x x x

#bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts imagine #bts scenarios #yoongi x reader #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fics #yoongi fluff #yoongi imagine #bts roommate au #roommate!yoongi #producer!yoongi

41 notes · View notes

letters-from-alex · 3 years

Text

June 13, 2021

To the boy with green eyes,

It’s currently 12:59am and I can’t seem to get you out of my head. I’ve got a song on repeat: “You” by Regard. You made fun of me one day after picking you up from the hotel-- “You play this song a lot,” you said and laughed. “Well, I’m sorry it’s my current obsession right now!” I rebutted as I tried looking for a different song to play. But did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I am trying to speak to you through my favorite songs? And how relevant they may be to the current situation? If you are reading these letters, then perhaps you should pay a little more attention next time.

I wish I could go into detail about how amazing my night was with you yesterday and what it meant to me that you stuck around. You literally had no obligation to stay, much less had any reason to, but nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed your presence and I was thrilled and surprised to see you open up to some of my friends to whom you which barely greeted yourself to. “I don’t like people,” echoed through my head a lot-- worried me even, that you wouldn’t let yourself get loose and open up to a handful of strangers, but I hoped, just hoped that you’d open up for me because these were people that I care very much about, just like you. Slowly, but surely, you did. I caught you laughing and smiling way too much and that hugged my heart.

All night you followed me like a puppy, and please take that as a compliment as I really enjoyed it. And the playful sarcastic banter that we do way too often that comes off as partly comedic, yet slightly and secretly flirtatious (at least for me it is). And the way you’d look at me with that side-eye stare, your signature move. And that smile you make when I try to compete with you. And even that moment when our friend asked “Who’s the DJ?!” Your face was priceless. A big “oops” painted across your face as you handed me the phone and picked up my arm, “It’s Alex. It’s not me!” But she saw through that guilt in your eyes and the lie in your voice. You can’t fool too many people and according to you, you are an honest person, but to what extent will you go to protect yourself? To make sure that you protect your heart from your own feelings?

You’re always reminding me of something: “Don’t let other people control your emotions.” I’ve been questioning myself ever since you said it to me for the very first time. We all have our moments, of course, when we can’t control our emotions after getting offended, for example. Just like you did when my ignorant friend said something out of line. I had never seen you so upset before, but I liked you anyway because you had valid points, valid reasons, and a passion of respect that made me fall in love with your mind than I did before.

In that moment, when you just couldn’t cool down that boiling anger deep inside you, I asked, “What is it that you’re always telling me not to do?” There was a pause. You smiled. I actually made you smile in a tough moment. You played stupid, but you knew exactly what I was talking about. I repeated myself. You laughed and said, “You say it.”

I looked deep into your eyes and said, “Don’t let other people control your emotions.”

I could tell you breathed in a breath of fresh air and in that moment, I swear I just wanted to hug you. I don’t know why I didn’t. I should’ve, but I didn’t. Why didn’t I? You let me touch your shoulders through the night. I accidentally touched your hand. I punched your bicep. And caressed your back. You even tussled my hair as you called me short, yet feisty in Spanish. So, why couldn’t I wrap my arms around your body? I have no clue where to draw that line without getting too close to you or perhaps even pushing you away.

I felt the same way when we were lying in my bed together-- a moment that I thought would never come to fruition. I couldn’t believe you were actually sleeping... on. my. bed. And to make it worse, you were sleeping on the side I usually sleep on-- the side closest to the window.

I had accidentally woken you up after kicking a water bottle on the floor. “I’m sorry.” I whispered. “No. You’re good,” you said as you got up to use the restroom. Moments later, you walked back into my room and closed the door behind you. I don’t know why, but I had this thought in the back of my head that you were going to tell me something like, “I can sleep in the other room,” or “Could you take me back to the hotel?” But no... nothing. You just laid there, less than two feet away from me, with my dogs in between us, separated. I felt so close, yet so far from you.

You were on your phone for a moment or two. My heart began to race, much faster after you turned off your phone and got comfortable. I listened to you breathe, tried getting mine in sync with yours, but I was too nervous. I had so much on my mind. I had so much to say to you, but didn’t know how to say it or thought maybe I shouldn’t even speak my mind. I didn’t realize how much more painful it is to bottle up the heartfelt thoughts over the heartless ones until last night.

I struggled to sleep for about half an hour. I felt you move around, I heard you scratch your face, and even turn your head around. Were you struggling to fall asleep too and if so, what was on your mind? What was keeping you awake? I wish the answer was me, but I know that won’t ever be true. Unlike me, it was you. It was you. My heart was racing because of you. My mind wouldn’t quiet because of you. I couldn’t sleep because of you. I laid there, staring at the ceiling, breathing heavily, and sighing, and thinking... just thinking.

“I have so many things to say, but I will only say them if you promise me you’ll pretend that I never did.”

You’d nod.

“And I just want you to listen. I don’t expect you to say anything because I know where we stand and I know you wont reciprocate anything I tell you or anything I feel for you.”

You’d nod.

“Okay. Now that we’ve got that cleared up... I just wanted to tell you how much I adore you. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your voice. Your accent. Your hair. Your soft skin. Your callused hands. Your tattoos. Your defined body. Just everything about you drives me so crazy and I hate that you make me feel this kind of way only because you don’t feel the same way. Don’t get me wrong, you bring me so much joy and contentedness. You don’t know much about him, but you make me forget that this other boy with green eyes exists. You make me ever forget that my heart has ever been broken into a million pieces. I enjoy my time with you. I love being in your presence. I love breathing the same air in the same room as you. I love making you laugh and I love our playful banter because I bet you can’t be like that with just anyone, which also makes me wonder-- why me? But I guess that’s something I shouldn’t question and be something I should be grateful for and just go with the flow. But you see, I’d be lying if I said I just wanted this to stay like this-- to be friends, to be platonic. I don’t want to be platonic with you. Right now, I just want to hold you and intertwine my body with yours. I want to keep you warm throughout the night and caress your beautiful face and tussle your soft hair. I want to breathe on your neck and I want to whisper all the things I’ve never been brave enough to say.”

But I was mute the rest of the night. If only my mind was just as silent. It rushed so fast and my heart dropped each time I felt you move or showed any sign of being awake still, that I had to grab my blanket and walk to the guest room. I just couldn’t bear the pain of keeping all these unsaid feelings in while you were lying next to me-- a moment that I only dreamed about and never thought would actually happen. And I can’t help but beat myself up at the fact that something like this more than likely won’t happen again and should’ve taken advantage of the situation while I could, but I didn’t. And the most pathetic part of it all is that as I stepped out of the room, I actually hoped that you’d tell me to stay.

You’re always telling me not to let other people control my emotions, but I think it’s me who I’m scared of the most. People always say that happiness is a choice, but if that one emotion is a choice, why can’t the rest of them be? I am my worst enemy. I do these things to myself. I control my own emotions, but I’m not strong enough to let myself be happy in the moment because I know, eventually, this happiness will soon end. I get so carried away with my own feelings and everything that I want-- especially when it comes to fruition, makes me want to believe in this hopeless romantic fairytale fantasy that maybe things like this, nights like this, are meant to happen because it’s just the beginning of a beautiful love story. But then I start to come back to reality. I come back to the sudden realization that I can never have you.

Sincerely, Alex

130 notes · View notes

fallen029 · 3 years

Text

Nervous

"Are you nervous?"

"No."

"You sure?"

Mira tilted her head to the side though her eyes betrayed the cute, quirky questioning vibe she was going for as they, instead, seemed rather disbelieving. It was easy for Laxus to note it these days, having fallen like most other in the hall for her typical chaste trickiness and innocuous pretenses over the years, but after being far more than just a guild member to her now for a good number of them as well, he'd begun to pick up on the little things.

Like how she seemed forever trapped in a guilelessness that didn't quite entrap her as well as she thought it did.

But this was fine, the ease at which he disarmed her now, as Mira was able to pick apart the man's own fallacies and walls.

"Yeah," he grumbled to the woman's question, but she only grinned at him, as if victorious, as she picked apart his lies with ease.

"Then why are you biting at your nails?" she asked with round eyes. "You only do that when you're nervous."

And now she'd managed to annoy him.

"Mira-"

"I'm only curious," she insisted with a little shake of her head. "Dragon."

He huffed some, his chest deflating as he finally gave her his full attention. They were in the bar, as they typically were, but Mirajane had actually found a moment to take a break. Rest. S-Class trials were, at that very moment, going on and those who hadn't been chosen were sulking away from the guild for the time being while a decent sized group was off being put through the rigorous trials and tribulations that were associated with being designated part of the elite group of mages that were Fairy Tail S-Class wizards.

Laxus had no reason to be nervous.

He'd claimed his spot many years before and, at times, wondered if he even had eventually surpassed the old geezer all together. He'd be a wizard saint, someday, he knew, or at least told himself so, and that meant that he had far more concerns than something as silly as a guild distinction.

Not when may one day have the distinction among the entire continent.

S-Class trials had nothing to do with him and, if anything, he was mostly just glad to find that bar emptied out some that day.

"It's okay," Mira assured him then though and when she reached across the table, it was to grab his hand, pulling it down so that she could caress it as she looked deeply into the slayer's eyes. "I am too."

"You are what too?" he asked dumbly, confused equally by her words as he was calmed by her gesture.

"Nervous," she insisted.

"About what?"

"The same thing as you."

"I'm not," he told her, "nervous."

"Laxus-"

"What do I have to be nervous about, huh?" Then, frowning, he questioned, "What do you?"

"Well, actually, I'm nervous about a lot of things," she said, releasing his hand, but only so she could bring her own up to her cheek and rest her head there then, as she thought. "I have a shipment of meat that hasn't come in yet and I know, this weekend, if I don't get it, that I'll have to serve meals without any meat portion and the guys will be pretty upset about that, which will affect my tips, and I've been trying to save up money for my wedding. Which brings me to my next point, I've been saving for a wedding that can't yet happen because my boyfriend is dragging his feet with proposing to me even though we've talked about it a thousand times-"

"Mira," he warned, but she only shrugged.

"The dog I look after was sick last night, too," she finished. "I'm nervous about that."

Laxus, with a slight breath, questioned, "What's wrong with him?"

"He has the shits."

And he blinked. Then narrowed his eyes while the woman only gazed right back with hers earnest and honest.

Shrugging some then, Laxus said, "If you need help wrangling him down to a vet, I could-"

"Oh!" Mira sat up then. "And I'm super nervous because my baby brother is off on the S-Class trials and I want him to preform well." Shrugging, she added, "But I'm torn, because I also want all of my friends to do well. Including your best friend. Freed."

Laxus' face fell then as he realized he'd been duped (possibly; her street dog did have a hefty amount of ailments from time to time) and only looked off once more as he remarked, "Sounds like your problem. Not mine."

"Oh, it's not a problem. Laxus. To be nervous about such things." Sighing, she said, "It means that you care. About them. To be nervous for someone else. I want them all to come back, knowing that even though they can't all be the winner, at least invigorated and ready to start right back at training and trying their hardest to, eventually, be that winner. It's an honor to be nervous on someone's behalf. I'd gladly take all of Elf's nerves if it meant he could put all his focus into the trials right now."

Laxus snorted. "Yeah, well, bully for you. Freed can take care of his damn self. I don't need to worry about him, like you and your loser brother."

"Behave."

Snorting, the man looked off before saying, "I'm not worried. Over Freed. Or anything."

"Fine. Not worried then." Mira had lost some of her jolliness at the slight her boyfriend had sent towards her absent brother. "But you are thinking about it. Aren't you? Even just a little? He's your best friend. I would at least think-"

"I'm," he insisted to her with a finality in his tone he usually reserved for literally anyone who wasn't his demon, "not nervous about the S-Class trials. Or worried. Or concerned. Alright?"

Sighing, she looked off for a moment, considering the slight surge of people that had come in in the last ten minutes or so and weighing in her mind whether or not her break was officially over. Not quite ready to let it go though, when her eyes drifted back to her boyfriend, it was with another set of words on her tongue.

"If you're not nervous about the trials," she began in that tone and it was enough, just on its own, to make him regret coming into the hall that day, "then that must mean that you're nervous about something else, so what is it? Huh? Is it that you've been seeing someone else?"

"Mira, what?"

"Some other woman, is it, then? Who is she, Laxus? Huh? Don't think that I wont' make a scene here, right now, in front of everyone, because-"

"What are you-"

"-if you don't tell me what it is that you're so nervous about, then I have no choice but to assume that you're cheating on-"

"I'm nervous for my friend, alright?" And he usually wouldn't take such a tone with her, but he did then, snapping some, out of aggravation and, maybe it was a trick of the lights, but the woman could have sworn she even saw a flick of his fangs as the vein on the side of his head bulged and his eyes darkened. "I want him to be S-Class with me and I'm worried that your stupid brother or one of those other idiots will get it over him. Or that...that… He'll fuck it up himself. Is that what you want to hear? Huh?"

No.

The other people around the guildhall did not.

But they had, quite clearly, heard nearly every word of his little outburst and, feeling all those eyes on him now only made the man growl louder. He was primed for a retreat, storming off and staying away from the hall for a few days, until he could stomach a return without smashing in the face of the first person who questioned him.

Mirajane, however, wasn't going to let this happen.

Because, yes, she had been very happy with the explosion of information that had just fallen out of the slayer's mouth. She'd only been prodding at him her entire break. For it to result in such a satisfying revelation meant it hadn't all been for not.

"Awe," Mirajane giggled, clapping her hands at the slayer's misery. "You guys are just such good friends, huh, dragon? You feel a lot better, don't you? Getting that off your chest?"

"No," he told her with the same candor that he'd just exposed himself and his nerves to the entire guildhall. "I feel worse."

"Well," Mira hummed as, job complete, she got to her feet once more, she offered, "I feel better. Isn't that all that matters?"

"Demon." The moniker was more of a proclamation than an endearing term. "You're evil."

"I love you," was her purest of explanations and she meant it too, he could tell, as her deep blues flashed a bit of hurt. "Helping you admit your feelings for your friends is how I show that."

"Yeah, well," he muttered under his breath, "then you need to find new ways."

Laxus took off that night, before her shift was finished, but that was fine with the woman as she'd more than begun staying most nights at his apartment.

When she arrived, he was flicking through an old atlas, comparing it to a current map. Something for a job, was all he grumbled to her when she lightly questioned, and Mira let his tone go because, well, she had been rather insistent before, at the bar, and all things considered, he hadn't outright acted a fool.

Just mostly.

"If Elfman doesn't make S-Class," she did whisper, eventually, over dinner that night and she saw the man roll his eyes, thinking she was trying to goad him back into a conversation, "I'll cry."

Grunting, he only continued to stab at the steamed vegetables at his plate, never rightly bringing them up to his mouth, but not quite ready to admit, when he insisted in a huff that he be the one to make them, that this was a bad idea.

"Of course," she hummed again, "if he makes it, I'll probably cry then, too."

"Mira?"

"Yes?"

"I already told you what you wanted to hear," he told her plainly. "What else do you want from me?"

"I'd like you to make a big emotional plea again," she replied back with the same amount of flatness that it almost made the slayer recoil. At the sight of it though, she broke some as, with a giggle, she admitted, "I'm just talking, dragon. About my baby brother. Who wants this so badly-"

"If he wanted it badly, he'll come back S-Class," Laxus told her as, with a shake of his head, he went back to stabbing at his vegetables. "If he doesn't, then that means he didn't want it badly enough."

"Well, I'm not saying that to him, if he comes back not S-Class."

"Yeah, I figured."

"And I'm not saying that to Freed either."

"That's fine," Laxus told her. "I will. He knows where to go to hear the truth."

"A little kindness will get you a lot in life, Lax," she replied, but he only shrugged some.

"Won't get you S-Class," he retorted and, well, the next morning would finally put the entire conversation to rest.

Cana had never looked prouder than herself and, that night, never gotten drunker, than when she was finally, after wanting it for so long, so much, to find herself on the same Fairy Tail tier as her father.

He was there, Gildarts was, having been hanging around for a few days, prepared for this, and she seemed rather annoyed by all of his attention, shoving at the man's face any time he tried to hug her, but betraying her annoyance by the glistening in her eyes, every single time he, also drunkenly, announced to those amassed how proud he was of the guild's newest S-Class member.

His daughter.

Mirajane was caught as she always was, between dismayed at the heartbreak evident on the faces of those who weren't victorious and the one who was. As she comforted both Elfman and Natsu over their losses, she did take note, across the bar, of where Freed was very stoic and graceful in his defeat, but still being comforted in their own ways, by his two friends.

"Who wants to be S-Class anyways?" Bickslow questioned. "When you can be part of the most elite team in all the lands?"

"I would," Ever admitted under her breath though, still, she patted at Freed's shoulders sympathetically.

It was as they stood though that all three felt it. It had been looming, after all, the entire time. The presence of their most highly viewed mentor, Laxus, who came out of hiding, down in the game room. He'd been down there transferring his nerves into some rounds of pool, but Cana and Gildarts very loud commotion had finally caught his attention and he found himself not welcomed to the celebrations of the member he'd most desired.

At his approach, both Bickslow and Ever took a step back. They too had disappointed the man in the past, but never quite in such a grand fashion. Freed was primed to take the gold this time around, only to lose out to the guild drunk and Evergreen couldn't help but to glare over at the other woman, hating her more, even, than Titania, just for that day only.

Laxus came to a stop before the trio, eyes on Freed, and the rune mage forced himself to meet the gaze of the other man. It was just as he was beginning to open his mouth though that he caught sight of Mira, over at the bar, staring very pointedly his way and he took in a breath, instead of speaking, reconsidering his words before he was unable to take the back.

His gaze didn't soften, not exactly, but Freed was almost surprised when, instead of being reprimanded, he was welcomed with a pat at the shoulder from the man, as well as a slight grin.

"You kicked Elfman's ass, at least, right?" the slayer asked to which the other mage bowed his head a bit.

"Well, we did find ourselves across from one another and I found myself moving on while he did not, but-"

"All that matters."

"L-Laxus-"

"You'll want it more, next time," he told the other man simply. "After getting so close."

"Yes." And he balled up his fists then, Freed did, nodding his head at the man as he insisted, "I will!"

It was a celebration that night, not a pity party, as Cana was far from someone that anyone could look down upon (especially not with her father there, intent on making certain this didn't happen) and it was a good night.

For everyone.

The night peaked though, for Laxus, when towards the end of it, as he sat up at the bar drinking with the still far too giddy Gildarts, listening to the man go on about all of where he'd been (with some praise for his little girl sprinkled in there), Mirajane appeared at his side. The slayer originally thought it was to refill his mug, which he held up to help her with this, but instead of leaning down to fulfill this request, the woman instead pressed a kiss to his cheek, lingering long enough for Gildarts to giggle at the man.

"Mira," Laxus questioned with a bit of a rosiness to his cheeks as the woman rightened and did, finally, begin to fill his mug with golden ale once more. Such public displays were hardly their style and the man raised his head then to question, "What was that for?"

"I just like it when you're nice, dragon." She even giggled. "I like it a lot."

But the night was busy and she was being called off again, across the bar, which left the still somewhat blushing Laxus and grinning Gildarts.

"You caught a good one, Laxus. Proud of ya."

"Shuddup."

"No, seriously." And Gildarts glanced over his shoulder then, to the table where his daughter was plying herself with barrel after barrel while her guild members, all so thrilled by her accomplishment, sat nearby, happily congratulating her. "I fucked up. You know. Once. With the only one that mattered. Sometimes you don't get second-chances, man." His serious tone faded though as his face contorted in a smile that didn't seem to stretch right across it as he said, "Unless you're like my Cana! No need for second-chances; she's all S-Class!"

"Yeah," Laxus snorted, "she just needed fourth and fifth and sixth-chances."

"What did you say? Eh? Laxus?"

And when Gildarts turned his head then, his face had contorted into something far darker and Laxus found it best to just sip his beer in silence for awhile.

They left together that night, Laxus and Mira did, the man a bit drunk and the woman, who'd worked the entire night away, stone cold sober, but it was fine, as she seemed high on something else.

"I'm so happy," she insisted to the man. "For Cana. It almost washes away how badly If eel for Elf."

Almost.

She was twirling and skipping that night, slightly before her boyfriend, and he only watched her for a few moments then before speaking.

"Maybe," he offered with a bit of a shrug, "he could come out with me. Elfman could. And we could train some times. To get him ready for next year."

And she stopped dancing then, Mira did, to look over her boyfriend as she instead flel into step with him. Slipping her arm into the crook of his, she snuggled up close to the man who, even drunk, only rolled his eyes.

"You're so sweet, Lax," she assured him as the man only groaned. "When you wanna be."

Even though his reaction seemed the exact opposite, slowly, Laxus was learning that, maybe, he always wanted to be.

#Miraxus #Mirajane Strauss #Laxus Dreyar #Cana Alberona #Gildarts #Freed Justine #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction

45 notes · View notes

theonceandfutureking6481 · 3 years

Text

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 4: The Poisoned Chalice Analysis

This is one of my favourite episodes, in this season, mainly for Merlin and Arthur. They are wonderful in this episode, and this is the first episode where you really see them starting to truly care about each other. This is a show fundamentally about love and the relationships between every character, and Merlin and Arthur are at the core of the show. Everyone in this episode though is so brave, and I admire them all so much. I talk a lot about a lot of different elements of Merlin on here but what I really love about this show is how much the characters inspire me, how much I admire them because I'm not sure I could ever be as brave as these characters, but I'd like to be.

Merlin's courage

There's not much in detail I can say about this but Merlin is so brave at the start of this episode. To burst into the king's hall and publicly accuse another king of attempting to poison Arthur. It's funny but one of the parts of Merlin's courage I most admire isn't his bravery to die for Arthur, it's his willingness to speak out when somethings wrong, his willingness to publicly embarrass himself, his willingness to be brave even when he could be wrong. It's a reachable form of courage, I don't think any of us frequently (or ever) have the opportunity to die for others, but in many ways the fact that we could all be as brave as Merlin in this way, that's what makes it feel so much more unattainable and thus more admirable.

The bigger courage though really is when Merlin drinks from the goblet, honestly even though Uther made him, Arthur probably would have drunk it but Merlin didn't let him. Merlin knew he would die if he drunk from that goblet, because he believed Nimueh to be telling the truth (which she was), but (as Arthur says) "he did it anyway." To meet death so willingly, it's not like jumping in front of someone in the moment in a battle, he had to make the choice to drink that poison because he is willing to sacrifice his life for Arthur's. And it hasn't got anything to do with destiny yet, he cares about Arthur, Arthur's his friend and Merlin's a good person. It's just a very noble moment for Merlin, Uther was making him but at the same time you could see Merlin choosing to drink from it, that's a choice and that was incredibly noble.

Arthur and Uther

There is tension between Arthur and Uther in this episode, between their views on the world and honour. It is, I think essentially summed up in.

Arthur: Because his life's worthless?

Uther: No, because its worth less than yours.

It's funny, you can see Uther's perspective here. He is right about one thing, Arthur is the future king, even if he's not inherently worth more than Merlin the stability of the kingdom rests on a secure succession and Arthur is Uther's only heir, there is more at stake here.

But Arthur's also right, a world in which any single person's life is protected more than others because of their social position is not a good place. It is not something Arthur believes in, but in Uther's world its just a given, it's not even a question that people ask.

Uther: This boy wont be the last to die on your behalf

Arthur: I can't accept that

Arthur never accepts this inevitability, he always seeks to risk his life first before any one else's and people follow him because of that, people (even his enemies) see the nobility in him because of that. His refusal to accept what to Uther appears to be an inevitability of kingship (Not a welcome one granted but one nonetheless) is what's going to make him a better king than Uther. As Morgana emphasises when she's persuading Arthur to go.

Morgana: And what sort of king would Camelot want? One that would risk his life to save that of a lowly servant, or one that does what his father tells him to?

Isn't this really just the point, Arthur will be a better king than his father because for him his right to rule is in some way always premised on his fulfilment of what he sees as right. Arthur is always trying to prove himself, especially in the early seasons. In Season 2 Episode 2: The Once and Future Queen when Arthur is fighting in a tournament under an alias so people don't know its him (and they will hopefully not let him win), you really see this.

Gwen: You have nothing to prove, least of all to me.

Arthur: I have everything to prove, to myself.

This is the fundamental point, Arthur is always trying to prove himself often to his father or others but always primarily to himself. Because he needs to prove to himself that he can rule Camelot, that he is deserving of it, so for the fact that he's going to be king to hold any weight he needs to do what he thinks is right, because if he doesn't then what sort of king would he be anyway?

This ties I think into what I mentioned in the last episode about Merlin and the greater good. The idea that Merlin never really makes the choice to kill Morgana or Mordred, except for in a moment where it was Morgana or Arthur, where it was a certain in the moment choice. Yes, he reaches a point where he tries to let them die but this is different to outright murder, and I think perhaps a Merlin who would have killed them is not a the Merlin we know, it is not a Merlin that could have formed Camelot. Arthur and Merlin's goodness comes from always trying to do the right thing, whatever the sacrifice to themselves, and if they hadn't been those sort of people then there is no way they could have been people who made a better kingdom.

Gaius: Arthur may give you a hard time, but at heart he's a man of honour. Not many people would have risked what he did for a servant

Uther

Uther's interesting in this episode, he has one of his worst moments in the show, not the worst thing he's ever done but certainly one of the worst things we witness. He purposefully lets Merlin die, we could understand it when he wasn't letting Arthur go after him, but to try to destroy Merlin's only hope for a cure to teach his son a lesson, that is cruel and so wrong. This takes valuing Arthur's life more than Merlin's to a whole other level, he values Arthur's obeying of him more than he values Merlin's life.

This goes to another feature of Uther's character I was just thinking about. He constantly mistakes control for love. He seeks to control both his children, he wants them to obey him, and if they openly defy him or disagree with him he punishes them. But he does love them, probably more than he loves anything else. When Morgana stages a coup against him and tells him how much she hates him he is broken, and he literally never recovers he does love them that cannot be denied but he spends so much of his life mistaking his controlling them for an expression of his love. It is an expression of his fear, he is scared of being out of control as he was when his wife died. Magic can be dangerous but mostly it caused him great suffering (although really it was him), so he seeks to control it absolutely, there is no nuance there and this is how he behaves towards his children. Hate and fear are terrible things to be motivated by, and Uther shows that. His hate comes from his fear, and his cruelty comes from there as well.

One thing, Uther does accept his fault at the end of this episode. It's not really adequate but its better than nothing and in its own way shows that Uther is capable of character development, and the fact that he will fail to do it in the most important ways is sad. His moment when he says to Arthur that Nimueh "is evil", it is so clear he is talking more to himself than anyone else. Isn't that a sign of trying to persuade yourself, he has to tell himself that Nimueh's evil cause ultimately she was just doing what he asked, and if he doesn't villainise her absolutely than its his fault too.

The one moment that really does redeem Uther a little in this episode is when he tells Arthur that "You did the right thing... I'm proud of you Arthur, never forget that." The last comment is telling, Uther knows he's not the best father, he knows that Arthur probably doesn't realise that Uther is proud of him. So the 'never forget that' is a reminder, I think, for when Uther inevitably forgets that himself. It is a reminder, for us, in its own way that Uther is trying to be a good father, and at least in this realm Uther realises that he very often fails.

Morgana

One interesting thing I noticed in this episode was how frustrated Morgana is with her life. I've never really noticed it before, but its in everything she says and does, even in the episodes before this. Even before she turns against Arthur and Uther and Camelot she is angry, not just at them, she's angry at her life. You can tell she feels like she doesn't have the power to do anything, like she's being controlled and perhaps like she isn't able to anything good or right because of Uther and her position, she feels pity for all the magic users but she is a part of the body that persecutes them. How do you reconcile that?

Morgana: Sometimes you have to do what you think is right and damn the consequences

There is so much frustration in that, and everything she says in this scene. I don't know exactly what this says about Morgana's character or her eventual place in the story but its interesting to note. Perhaps its to say her hatred of Uther and eventually Arthur isn't only because of her sympathy for magic users and eventually her own fear and feelings of being unloved but perhaps has its roots in her anger at this time, in Uther's control and her own powerlessness.

Merlin and Arthur

This is Merlin and Arthur's episode, so its kind of funny it took me so long to get to them, but there's really not that much to analyse in the wider scheme regarding them. They just are, and they are wonderful.

This is the episode where you see they do truly care about each other and they are truly good friends They risk their lives for each other with barely a second thought, and yes that is partially their own honour and decency but it is also fundamentally their care for each other that motivates them. You can tell when Merlin's thinking about destiny when he saves Arthur, it becomes such a huge part of his characterisation later on even though he loves Arthur more by that point he also admires him more so Arthur's destiny seems more important. Merlin doesn't really admire Arthur that much yet, he respects him and cares about him but the sheer admiration he will have for him comes later, and it is that admiration that makes him care even more about Arthur's destiny, because he believes in it far more. Right now though it is just their goodness and their friendship that motivates them.

The final moment between them though is beautiful. The moment when Arthur goes to Gaius' chambers just to check that Merlin's all right, even though he's obviously been told he is. He brushes it aside as usual, brushes how much he does actually care about what happens to Merlin (I mean Arthur did just go on a perilous quest that could have led to his death for him so I think Merlin gets it). But the moment at the end of that scene is lovely. There is just such mutual respect and recognition of each other and what they've done for each other, and the way they look at each other is just so wonderful.

Merlin: Thank you

Arthur: You too

Nimueh

One quick note about her. We will find out eventually what her motivations really are, that she's obviously not just evil. That she is angry at Uther and understandably so. And I wonder if in her there is a parallel for Uther I hadn't considered before. Both of them were involved in Igraine's death and Arthur's birth. And it was as a result of this action that Uther outlawed sorcery and began the great purge. She out of everyone knows best how hypocritical Uther really is. And in her own way, though it is obviously not her fault, it is her actions that set off the great purge. Uther made the choice to blame her and all magic but nonetheless it was a spell she cast that was the trigger, and I wonder if in her own way she feels guilty (just as Uther feels guilty about his wife's death) but like Uther she takes it out in anger rather than guilt. I'm not saying she should feel guilty, perhaps over Igraine's death but certainly not the great purge. However, she most probably does, and like Uther I think she's refusing to feel that guilt, and to avoid that guilt she chooses hatred and anger instead.

Bravery

Everyone in this episode though, is so brave. Gwen, Merlin, Arthur and Gaius all do risky, brave things that could get them killed, though maybe not killed in Gwen's case but certainly in huge trouble. Gwen sneaks into the dungeons and Gaius does magic. We will learn more about Gaius' character later but he is in many ways not a brave person, he is the sort who witnesses injustice and stays quiet, he's not brave. But he's brave here, he does magic, for Merlin, because he loves Merlin like a son. All the courage and bravery in this show comes from the love people have for others, and that's an important message, that the people we love and our own ability to love others can inspire us to be better people and to be brave.

Their immediate response to Merlin's apparent death moreover is guilty, they have nothing to feel guilty about, it's Uther's fault, but they blame themselves anyway. There is in that a contrast to Uther, who refuses to blame himself. They don't take their pain out in anger, they accept it and even though they have nothing to be guilty for the fact that their immediate response is guilt does say they are better people, braver people than Uther.

Other things

Morgana holding that butter knife ready to fight Bayard's men is the funniest thing ever. Like its an impressive butter knife, but it is still so clearly a butter knife.

Also so many bad guys plans in this show rely on Arthur or Merlin being fundamentally good people, like when your plan involves using people's goodness against them you need to re-evaluate your choices in life. I suppose its part of the point though- that they are willing to harm the innocent or take advantage of goodness in their anger. Uther punishes goodness in this episode.

My new motivational quote—> Gaius: "As the Old proverb says: Hard work breeds..........a harder soul." Merlin: "There is no way that's a proverb. You just made that up."

32 notes · View notes

itsmeevie01 · 4 years

Text

Bio!dad Bruce Day 7-Fashion Show

Marinette laughed as she linked arms with Alix and hurried out of school. Today, the girls had arranged to go out for the evening, and they were insistent that nothing would ruin their fun, even an akuma. As the shorter girls hurried away, Alya watched from where she stood on the steps. When she had transferred, she had hoped that the girl she had made a connection with would become her best friend. Now, as they neared the end of April, she had resigned herself to the fact that she wasn’t part of the other’s inner circle.

Although she was friendly with the entire class, Marinette had quickly proven to be hard to get close to. She had her life out of school, and she had her life in school. They didn’t mix.

Unknown to the rest of the school, Marinette’s birthday was coming up. Every year, she would do something small with Tom and Sabine. Sometimes she would invite a friend over. Mostly, she kept her birthday quiet. The teen knew that if she offered, her class would love to celebrate with her, but she didn’t see it as a big deal. three years earlier, Bruce had asked her if she wanted to do anything for her birthday. When she had mentioned that she didn’t really celebrate it that much, he had nodded in acceptance. Each year, he flew into Paris and took her out for a day of shopping, an amusement park, or a fancy dinner. This year, he had invited her to join him in Gotham so that her brothers could come along. Since the event earlier in the month, Bruce had been more at ease when talking about many of the things going on in his home city. Now that he knew that Marinette was already entrenched in the hero life that he had been working so hard to keep her out of, he had opened up about the times that the family had vanished during her visits.

When Marinette had eagerly agreed to join him in Gotham, Bruce had asked his daughter of she had any preferences on what they did. The girl, as expected, shook her head and told him to surprise her. As long as they were together, it didn’t really matter. Imagine her surprise, when she got home from her late-night movie with Alix, to find her parents waiting for her, both buzzing in excitement.

“Mariette! Oh good, we were afraid that you would be out later. Bruce got in contact with us, he is going to fly you our for the entire weekend, instead of just one day!” While the bakers continued to gush about how wonderful it was for Bruce to fly Marinette out for her birthday, the girl paused. Usually, as much as she enjoyed her brothers, they were very upfront with her. When she had asked if they knew what Bruce was planning, they had been cagey. Now, he was flying her out on a Thursday, and bringing her back on a Tuesday? That was a long time considering she still had school.

Later that week as she packed her carry on, the noirette crinkled her nose in concentration. She had been doing the best she could to figure out what it could be, but she still had found nothing on their plans for the next few days. Once she had finished, she plopped the bag next to her suitcase. Whatever her family had planned, she could only hope that she was ready for it.

The next day at school, Marinette rolled her eyes as Alya started to chatter at her. The girl was nice, yes, but Marinette had seen what had happened when she had started to zero in on information. Alya was not likely to let anything go, which sadly, meant that for the sake of her secret identity, Marinette had t keep her distance. When Nino plopped into his seat in front of her, he turned to flash Marinette a grin. “you ready for your trip, dudette?” Marinette smiled in return,

“So ready! I finished packing last night, so Maman is going to pick me up at noon. That makes sure I have a little under four hours to get on my plane.” Nino nodded in understanding.

“International travel is nothing to mess with. You may be joined by Chloe; she is flying out to visit her mother. Where are you flying into?”

“New York! They said that they would meet me there, and that we would head back after whatever surprise they’ve been planning.” Nino snickered at his friend’s frustration. It was well known within their friend group that the girl liked to know what was going on so that she could plan accordingly. The last time they had tried to surprise her, Kim had ended up with a broken arm, and Alix had gotten enough blackmail to last a lifetime. It was also pretty common for the girl to refer to her family in vague terms. As much as she trusted her friends, her class was more than willing to dig into her personal life in an attempt to force friendship. Because of this, Marinette tried to keep her personal life a vague as possible. In situations like this, she was grateful that Nino understood what she meant, because Alya had caught onto their conversation and started to ask as many questions as she could. Thankfully, Chloe must have gotten the notice from Nino to rescue her, because the blonde swaggered into the room and made a beeline for the duo’s desk.

“So, Mari trash, what this I hear about you leaving the country?” while Alya bristled at the name that the heiress had thrown out, Marinette sent her friend a secret smile. Chloe sent her a nod before returning to riling up Alya until Madame Bustier made her way in, effectively shutting down all conversations.

The girls giggled as they hurried through the airport. When they had realized that they were on the same flight, they had agreed to meet up at the airport and wait out the extra time together. As the duo sat there, they chatted and traded pictures, and discussed fashion. When Chloe mentioned that her mother was taking her to meet a ‘rich client who she wont name. Ridiculous!’ Marinette paused. “Chloe, that’s not the only reason that your flying out, right?” the blond gave an undignified snot.

“Honestly Mari, I wish! She’s dragging me to her ‘secret fashion show for the ages’ as she calls it.” Soon the girls were giggling and discussing the latest trends. When the flight attendants called for first class, the two girls gather their bags and made their way over to the line that was forming. When they had gotten settled (conveniently next to each other, which spoke of manipulation to Marinette, although she refrained from mentioning it to the diva next to her), they each pulled out a book and got ready for their flight. Thankfully, they both made the transatlantic flights enough to know what to expect.

That evening, when they arrived, the girls hurried to get through security and collect their bags. As they exited the baggage claim, both girls started to scan for their rides. On one side of the airport, was Audrey Bourgeois’ personal assistant. Next to her stood the stately figure of Alfred Pennyworth. While Marinette threw herself at Alfred in a hug, Chloe nodded to the frazzled looking brunette who had greeted them. The girls hugged and parted ways, promising to meet up on Monday if they didn’t see each other before hand.

While Chloe settled in her mother’s penthouse, Marinette was buried in a pile of hugs from her brothers. When they had finally given her room to breathe, her father introduced her to a girl who had been standing nearby. Cassandra (her sister!!) smiled at her and waved shyly. Marinette had sent her a smile worthy of the sun and given the girl a hug in return.

The next morning, the two girls were the first to join Alfred in the kitchen. Was Marinette caught Alfred up on the last few months, she started to help him with breakfast. Cassandra (Cass, Marinette scolded herself) settled on a stool to watch her move through the kitchen with a fluidity that spoke of many, many hours of experience. Once Bruce and they boys had joined them, the group settled at the dining table.

When the food had been cleared up, Marinette turned to her father, “you know, you made it really hard to pack for this trip, when I had no idea what we are going to do!” Bruce smiled at her ire and easily brushed aside her worries.

“it’s a good thing that we’re going shopping then, isn’t it, Marinette?” the way the girls face lit up made Tim snort.

“B, you really shouldn’t have said that, now she’s not going to sit still for the rest of the day.” The teen made a face at the look sent his way and Marinette huffed at her older brother.

“At least I know how to dress myself nicely without having someone pick my clothes out for me!” Dick sniggered at her response before wincing as she directed her fury his way. “don’t think I’m ignoring you, Richard.” The man froze, because his sister had used his first name only once and that occasion was not to be brought up unless the world was ending. “your fashion choices are even worse than Dad’s!” As the family started to argue about the validity of her statements, Marinette slipped away, beckoning for Cassandra (Cass!) to follow her.

Once they were in Marinette’s temporary room, the girl handed her sister (!!) a small wrapped package. “Tim gave me a heads up that there was a new addition to the family, and I wanted to make something for you.” The other girl studied her for a moment before hesitantly ripping the paper. Inside was a small journal that was leather bound and had the name Cass written in an elegant script (A/N Cass is probably the character that I am the least familiar with the origin of. That said, I’m going to run off the assumption that she is learning to read when she is brought to join n the Wayne family. If I am wrong, lmk, for now, this is what we are vibing with). The quiet girl gave Marinette a tentative hug as a thank you before Tim knocked on the doorframe.

“Time to go, ladies. Your chariot awaits.” Marinate rolled her eyes at their brother while throwing a pair of balled up socks at him.

“We’re coming, boy genius. Be fearful though, this is the start of an alliance. Soon, maybe ill be able to finally compete against you boys on game night without rigging the games!” Tim spluttered at her declaration as she strode past him. He huffed and hurried after the girls, bemoaning Bruce for making this trip a ‘family affair’.

Three hours later, Tim and Dick were each carrying handfuls of shopping bags, as the family of five re-entered their temporary living space. The girls were walking together, Marinette explaining some of her ideas for different designs. Alfred smiled at them as they all stood talking together, until an unfamiliar ringtone broke the low ambiance. The brothers looked at each other in confusion, while Bruce raised an eye at his youngest daughter. The girl flushed in embarrassment and dug into her purse for a long moment before pulling out a phone that was very obviously not her own. “hey! Is everything ok?” her immediate switch to French made the others pause and zero in on her conversation. “Oh, you caught it. How much damage was there?” A pause and then, “do I need to- I know I’m supposed to be on vacation but- oh fine! Leave it on my balcony in the jar, ill take care of as soon as I can.” A beat, and the girl made a face at whatever the person on the other end of the phone said. “stay safe, and call me if you need me, yeah?” once she had hung up, the girl turned back to them with a raised eyebrow. “what? Are you saying you don’t have a second phone for emergencies?”

The next day, Saturday, was a whirlwind, as Alfred got everyone up and moving by7 am. When asked what was going on by Marinette, the butler simply smiled and moved to lure Dick out of bed. When the family was once again gathered around the breakfast table, Marinette turned to her father and demanded an explanation at the reason for a wakeup call before what she considered ‘reasonable hours’. The man smiled in return, “Today, Marinette, we are going to celebrate your birthday. As promised, this year, the entire fairly will be able to join in.” the girl protested at his declaration.

“what was yesterday? I thought that was us celebrating my birthday without going overboard!” Dick laughed at her shock before jumping into the conversation.

“well, Net, yesterday was part one. Today is part two…and the part that we think you’ll like the most.” At her confusion, Tim leaned over from his spot across the dining table, pushing a stack of six tickets towards her,

“were going to Audrey Bourgeois’ secret fashion show.” The screech that came from the youngest in the family was well worth the suspense.

As the family approached the hidden venue, Marinette felt excitement bubble up once again. She had spent the day making sure that the entire family was dressed appropriately for the event. Somehow, Bruce had managed to buy a dress on the sly for her, after catching her gazing longingly at it for the duration of their time in the shop. As for the others, for the most part, they had the necessary pieces to put together a look that would be presentable at the secret show. The door was opened once they had handed over their tickets, and the Wayne family were handed a stack of passes that they hurriedly settled around their necks as they were show their way to their seats.

When the catwalk lit up, Marinette sat there, frozen, anticipating the beginning of the show. The lights blacked out, and a spotlight followed the first model on her way towards the middle of the room. Marinette’s breath caught in shock at the beauty of the coat that was trailing down the runway. As the next model made his way out, Marinette lost herself in the world of fashion.

After, Bruce turned to the girl and raised an eyebrow, “so…was this too over the top for your birthday?” the 14-year-old smiled at her father.

“no,” she breathed, “it was perfect”

whew! that was a long one! obviously, this one is not compleate, but it’s other half is going to be coming soon! any feedback is more than welcome, im going to try to keep these a little longer if i can...

also, what did y’all think of Alya? i’m not her biggest fan, but didnt want to make her a villian?

#b!dbwm2020 #b!dbwm #miraculous ladybug #maribat #My writing #shit this was supposed to be short #i love Chloe #so she will probably play a bigger role in mari's life #idk where this came from man...

226 notes · View notes

allisonbaelfire · 3 years

Text

Hope and Destiny

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader / Bucky Barnes x Reader / Tony Stark!Brother

Summary: After the Sokovia accords, were you teamed up with your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, instead of your Brother, Tony Stark, you and the rest of Caps Team had to go into hiding. For a while it went well, you continued to protect civilians, tried to have a normal everyday life and Steve and your relationship seemed okay in spite of everything that happened.

One day Steve gave a Quinjet route, you didn't know. He flew to Wakanda and dropped Bucky and you off and left. Years later he comes back, now where Thanos was on his way.

Chapter Summary: Y/N had to learn how to live with the fact that Steve was no longer part of her life. She now lived in Wakanda, along with Bucky. Although, her thoughts troubled her every minute, she missed Steve and was still wondering why he suddenly behaved like that. Meanwhile, Bucky realizes that she is getting worse every day.

Words: 3,808

Authors Note: I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say this is the best story I've ever written so far.

____________________________________

Steve ignored Y/N's questions about where they were heading next and sat next to Natasha who flew the jet. Even though she found that very strange, as he never kept secrets from her, she gave up after a while and sat in the back of the Quinjet and listened with sam to some music as both of them had the same taste.

After a while, which seemed like hours to Y/N, she heard Natasha mumbling to herself, that she had almost forgotten how nice it was here and for a little moment, Y/N hoped they would be at home again.

Y/N missed her old live and the rest of her family, she didn't regret choosing Steve's side a single day, it was the right choice. She still missed her brother, Pepper and all the others very much but did they missed her too? After what she did?

__________________________

“Steve, what’re we doing here?” Y/N questioned him while she was gazing at him all in love. “Honeymoon comes after the wedding.” She joked.

Y/N looked around and admired Wakanda's beauty. It looked perfect, as if everything was in harmony.

Natasha made Bucky and Sam aware, that Steve and Y/N needed a moment and so they went into the palace of King T’Challa. She looked after them questioningly.

Steve took gently her Hand and placed a kiss on top of it. “I decided, th-that I’d be the best for everyone, the best for you - if Bucky and you’d stay here in Wakanda.” He bit his lips nervously.

He then kept talking, but Y/N could barely concentrate on what he was saying. She looked at him and couldn't believe what he was up to. Leaving her behind, why? Was that really Steve in front of Y/N, her Steve? The Steve Y/N knew and loved, would never leave her behind. Especially not after she had left her family for him.

“For your own safety.” He gasped.

He had said a lot to explain himself, but Y/N could only concentrate on one thing.

She shook her head in disbelief. “For MY safety?” Y/N looked very serious. “May I briefly remind you who fought with you, side by side, in New York and DC? Who was by your side and fought against her own brother, the only living family I have.”

Y/N crossed her arms and thighted her fists, she clenched her teeth while trying not to cry, “And may I also remind you who can take good care of herself? That would be me. Rogers, I was able to defend myself without you back then and I still can. So don’t you dare lie to me. What’s this really about?”

Y/N glared at Steve and saw how nervous and hurt he was. If she hadn’t been so mad and confused, she'd have noticed that it wasn't an easy decision for him. But Y/N didn't want to see any of that. Steve gave her the feeling of being a burden, a weakness for the team and especially for him.

She turned her face away from him. “And you think, just because you want me to stay here, I actually will?” Y/N faked a laugh and lifted her arms up. “Who do you think you’re? You probably forgot who you’re talking to.”

She turned back to Steve, in her eyes - pure frustration. You could've thought that she would punch him to the ground any second.

“I'm Y/N Stark, fighter, genius and billionaire, just like my brother. You also forgot that I’m probably stronger than everyone here, so, I'm getting out.”

Steve put his hands on his hips. “No Y/N, you wont. You’re also still a refugee. I also don't think Tony or the Senate would be happy if you come back.” He puffed out his chest. “That being said, Bucky needs help and I order you to stay here to help him. You are the two most important people in my life and I need to know that you take care of each other and that you are safe.” Steve scratched the back of his neck.

She buried her hand in her hair. Y/N knew he was lying and something was off, his body language gave him away. Also order? He never put his Captain Modus at her. But she couldn't look at the man standing in front of her any longer without tearing her heart apart. Her body felt like it was covered in Lava, angry and close to tears she turned away from him.

A tear rolled down her face only she wasn’t a woman who liked to show weakness and quickly washed it away.

Y/N knew it was hopeless. "I know you're lying or I just never really knew you at all.”

She wouldn't turn around again, she wouldn't do Steve the favor of seeing her broken like this. For the first time in years, Y/N regretted choosing Steve over her actual family. Maybe now it was time to be a real Stark again.

“I always knew how to separate wrong and right,” She chuckled slightly. “that's why I chose you back then, but Tony was right all along, you were and always will be wrong for me." She exhaled.

Y/N could hold her tears now, she was strong enough to turn around and face him. Y/N noticed the harm she was doing to him with her words.

“Only one more thing, because we were always honest with each other. Or so I thought” Her tone changed sarcastically. “Anyway, I should give it back to you-”

“-No no, Y/N. No, this is not-”

She gave him his mothers family ring back, which she wore around her neck during missions. “I’m sure I don’t want a fiancè, who seems to not love me enough.”

Steve covered his mouth, you could feel the doubt and regret he was having, but that didn't change a thing for Y/N. If there was one thing she hated the most, then it was being lied to. Y/N would always forgive and somehow understand everything and everyone, trying to find a solution, but she didn’t accept lies, she had had enough of that in her childhood already. In fact, Tony and she were alike as for that. Still, Steve wouldn't have expected her to be so hurt and break the engagement.

“I love you with all I’ve and you’ll understand. I-I promise, Baby.” He replied with a shaky voice.

Natasha and Sam seemed to have witnessed everything, probably everyone had. Y/N felt the penetrating looks on her. The two wouldn’t even dare to speak to Y/N while they came out of the palace. Natasha touched Steve's shoulder lightly to show him they were ready, Nat threw Y/N a look she had never seen before and walked with Sam to the Quinjet.

Bucky came out of the palace too, but when Y/N's and his eyes met he walked more carefully than Natasha and Sam, until he finally stopped. Steve turned around, Y/N couldn't see what he was showing, or maybe even saying to Bucky, but he understood, nodded and went back to the palace.

Steve walked in the direction of the Quinjet, but turned back to Y/N. He wanted to go back, kiss her and say that he'll be back soon, that everything would be all right. But she hated lies and he wouldn't dare tell another one.

__________________________

Y/N didn't wait for the Quinjet to take off, she left, then she ran after Bucky.

“Did you know?” Bucky sure must’ve heard her question but he chose not to answer. She then shouted. “Barnes, did you know?!”

Y/N had special powers, she lifted her right arm up and made the gesture like turning Bucky around to face her. She held him against the wall without touching him. She was telekinetic and Bucky couldn’t even move a finger as long as she held him.

Y/N could barely contain her anger until she saw how frightened Bucky was. Eventually she let him go. Y/N took control of his will, like the people who experimented on him back then. She didn't say it out-loud, but at the moment were she saw him gasping for air, for control, she promised him never to use her powers against him again. Then she collapsed.

__________________________

Y/N woke up in a huge bed and in an even bigger dormitory. She sat up, touched her head and remembered what she did and what had happened that she snapped. She hoped so much it was all just a bad dream.

“I knew he wanted to get help for me. I didn’t know he’d leave you behind.”

She saw Bucky sitting at the end of the room. The moment she looked at him he winced a bit.

Y/N covered her mouth, “Bucky, Bucky I-I’am so sorry.” trying to contain her tears. “I thought by now I could control it.”

Bucky got up and walked over to her, sat down at the end of the bed and nodded. “I know.” For Bucky, Y/N was the only person besides Steve whom he trusted.

Steve often talked about Bucky, so often that Y/N felt like she was with them back in the days. So Steve didn't have to bother to convince her to look for Bucky and help him when he was on the run.

Y/N couldn't wipe a tear away as quickly as she would have wanted and Bucky saw it. He didn't want to make her feel the same way Steve did, that she was left behind. But Bucky hadn't had much practice in dealing with people and their feelings.

“Do you think, he left me because he wanted you to be safe and not alone?”

Bucky held the back of his neck and didn't look at Y/N. He didn't hear what she said to Steve in front of the palace, his lip-reading wasn’t that fast. He still was sure Steve visibly lied to her, but he saw her anger and then even had to feel it. He didn't want to answer the question. But he couldn’t afford not answering them as he wanted to do -to be better.

“Kinda but-”

“Ms. Stark, Mr. Barnes.” T’Challa greeted them. “It’s a pleasure.”

Bucky was relieved he didn't have to answer her question.

“That you’re not after us and not trying to kill us, I agree.” Y/N growled back.

The last time Bucky and Y/N met T'Challa wasn’t particularly pleasant. She was still unsure about the King of Wakanda, he was a stranger, he fought against her and her friends and she was sure, even if wakanda was gorgeous, it would become a prison to her at some point. It already felt like she was sitting in a gold cage.

“Watch your tongue.” Okoye hissed.

T’Challa lifted his hand at her. “It’s fine Okoye. Anyway, this is your new home now. You can live as you please, as long as you make your contribution.” He pointed out politely and at the same time decisively. “You can decide for yourself whether you live in the palace or prefer a cozy home alone. You are now part of the Wakanda family, I want you to feel comfortable. Share your wishes with my assistants.”

Even after the past that Y/N, Bucky and T'Challa had, he was very polite and Y/N somehow appreciated that.

“I just wish that both of you will be joining me for dinner every Sunday evening in the palace, its Tradition.”

__________________________

The first week passed very quickly for Y/N. Bucky and Y/N each decided to have their own home. Neither wanted to sleep in a huge palace, where they would be watched and feel more locked up than free.

Everyday wondering why Steve left her behind, she trained tirelessly. She even trained more than Bucky which seemed impossible.

“You should take a shower.” Bucky called to her.

“You, should leave me alone.” Y/N recommended as she hit a tree as if it was Steve’s face.

Y/N didn't even turn around, she didn't care if Bucky was there or not. She wanted to be left alone and she let everyone feel it.

Bucky placed a dress on Y/N's chair. “It’s Sunday.”

She turned around, crossed her arms and was ready to say how much she didn't care about that dinner with T'Challa and his family, but her voice didn't make a sound when she noticed Bucky’s hair tied up in a man bun and outrageously handsome in a suit.

She smirked. “Shuri wanted me to wear it.” He growled and looked away.

“She has probably made more progress with you than we could ever have done. You look handsome.“

Y/N opened her boxing gloves with her mouth. Not that the gloves had any use, Y/N's hands looked like they were hitting something all the time, even Bucky was wondering why they weren't broken yet. Maybe he hoped she would break them somehow, so she could find a moment to actually deal with her problems, as Shuri would say now.

“Anyway, I should bring you the dress. I did, it’s up to you. See you later.”

__________________________

Bucky noticed T'Challa visibly disappointed face as Y/N wasn’t appearing. But after 15 minutes, he didn't want to wait any longer for dinner. Bucky glanced at him to apologize for her behavior.

T'Challa raised his glass and the others joined him. "To our new friends"

Just when everyone were about click their glasses together, the big hall door opened and Y/N entered. She was wearing a stunning red dress. (Here!). Her hair was tied up, her make-up was very soft. It almost seemed as if she didn't have any on her and would naturally look perfect, but under the make-up there was an exhausted woman.

“I apologize for my late appearance, Your Majesty.” She held her dress with both hands and curtsied.

T’Challa nodded, he was happy she decided to join.

The King mother looked questioned. Y/N’s behavior wasn’t usually tolerated in Wakanda, when the king invites you, especially to dinner at the same table with his family, then you had to be on time. Without any excuse.

When Y/N wanted to take a chair, Bucky got up and helped her. Almost everyone was amazed about his action, as he was only known as a dangerous assassin. For Bucky it was natural to help a beautiful Dame to sit down, his parents had been taught him that, and even H.Y.D.R.A. couldn’t let him forget those kind of manners.

“You see, I have already made good progress with him.“ Shuri said proud.

“Thank you.” Y/N whispered and Bucky nodded soft.

If Y/N should have been honest, she was glad to have had a normal dinner after so long. Even though her thoughts were still around Steve, it was nice. T'Challa's family welcomed Bucky and her like their own.

Still, Y/N excused herself early. She said she was tired, thanked for the food and left the palace.

__________________________

When Y/N was finally out of sight of the palace guards, she looked around again to make sure that she couldn’t be seen or heard. She went behind a bush and threw up. The food was delicious, but she couldn't keep it in her for a second longer. She wiped her mouth with her arm and smeared it on the dress. That wasn't particularly Ladylike, but she couldn't have cared less about that.

What Y/N didn't notice was that Bucky had followed her. Not to check where she was going, but because they both had their homes side by side and it was difficult for Bucky to be social with so many strangers around for a long time.

She came out from behind the bush and held her stomach and forehead, was that a side effect of her powers? Should she have listened to Tony and not experimented on herself? But why was she feeling so bad now? Her powers had no negative effect on her for years. Bucky didn't know what to do, he wanted to help her, but it was obvious that she didn't want anyone to see her. He waited until she finished and followed her unobtrusively to be sure that Y/N would come home safe.

When Bucky went to bed he thought for a while about what he just saw. He was worried if Y/N’s overall situation made her sick, everything that happened to her, that Steve broke her heart. He was overwhelmed, caring about people was taken away from him by H.Y.D.R.A., to learn it again now and to feel it again, to be able to be the master of his own will, that was all new.

__________________________

A few months passed and Y/N and Bucky were slowly settling into Wakanda. After a while Y/N even joined the Dora Milaje. She was already a trained fighter, and she had her special gifts. She was a perfect fit and it occupied her.

Bucky worked hard with Shuri to ensure that what H.Y.D.R.A. had done to him to undo and it worked day by day.

“Hey Buck,” Y/N waved. “I think they love you.” She laughed lightly as the goats followed Bucky every step.

Y/N and Bucky got along better every day, now that she had a task and Bucky was making new progress every day. In addition, even if they both wouldn’t admit it, they only trusted each other.

He imitated her laugh, which only made her laugh even more. Y/N packed into the side pockets of her jacket and took out some snacks for the goats, throwing them far enough for Bucky to rest for a few minutes

"I think we should build an enclosure and a home for them. Right in front of our houses. They need a home too and to be honest I love these cute goats." She pet the only baby goat, which was still graving for Bucky’s attention.

“Fine.” He rolled his eyes. “But not right in front of the houses. They’re loud.”

__________________________

Bucky couldn't understand why Y/N liked the goats so much, they stank, were loud and unbearably intrusive for his taste but they made her smile, maybe that was the only reason why he decided on the same day with the start building an enclosure.

Y/N insisted on helping Bucky, first she tried to bring the wood for the fence from one place to the other with her powers, but it exhausted her. She tried like Bucky without her telekinesis, which was ironic because he had a super arm and a super soldier serum, but she didn't last long and had to sit on the ground. The baby goat seized her chance and ran to Y/N like her life depended on being petted by her. It made Y/N giggle.

Bucky starred at Y/N and the little goat attentively, she trained every day but it seemed as if Y/N would only get weaker, he was afraid she would collapse any second. It still warmed his heart to see her smile.

“Is it your serum?” He questioned careful not sure if he had the right to ask.

She looked up to him, “What’re you talking about?”

Bucky put the last nail in the fence and when the enclosure was finished, he knealed down to her and touched softly her forehead. Y/N's eyes widened when Bucky touched her, usually he was keeping his distance. Y/N was pale but felt hot. Normally she wouldn't have minded the little bit of wood sawing, she would probably have finished sawing faster than Bucky. But she could hardly keep herself even awake.

She took a deep breath. “Its not the serum, It’s stable, I’m sure. Bucky, I'm fine, don't worry. I-I need just a little brea-”

Y/N was about to fall to the ground, but Bucky caught her in time. The little goat jumped.

"No, you need a doctor" Y/N was passed out.

Bucky had to put Y/N gently on the ground for a second, only God knows what she would have done to him, if he had left the baby goat unattended. He raised it over the fence, raised his index finger to make it clear to the little goat that she shouldn't follow him and stay there.

He turned back to Y/N, slipping his right arm under her head while placing his left arm under her legs. He picked her up carefully and ran as fast as he could with her in his arms to see Shuri.

__________________________

Shuri already saw Bucky and Y/N on her security cameras. She opened the entrance and had Bucky place Y/N on some sort of technical table. She did a few scans, which felt like hours to Bucky. His eyes never let go of Y/N, he had to promise Steve to watch out for her and now she was lying here unconscious. He felt like he had failed his best friend.

Bucky touched nrvous his arm. "We-we were going to build a fence for the goats because Y/N thought it would be better if they also had a home." Shuri looked at him questioningly as she scanned the condition of Y/N. Shuri had never seen Bucky like this before, not even when she rewired Bucky's brain, even when she brought up the uncomfortable subject, his past - He was always calm. He made sure that people around him were calmed when they wanted to panic. Shuri saw for the first time how Bucky’s his feelings got the better of him, when he blamed himself for Y/N’s condition.

Y/N woke up and was confused where about she was. She was sweating profusely and breathing heavily.

Bucky noticed her fear, Shuri's tech scared even him when he wasn't on this table. He took her hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him, which it surely wasn’t. Shuri put a breathing mask on Y/N to help her regain stable breathing. Y/N ran a tear down the side of her cheek, Bucky knew how uncomfortable it was for her to show weakness and made sure he wiped the tear away before Shuri noticed. He winked at Y/N which made her smile soft.

She tried to take off the mask to tell Bucky something, but he wouldn't let her, it was more important to him that she breathed. They could talk later.

Shuri's scans were done. She looked at them and then turned quickly to Y/N and couldn't believe what she just found out. She took off the mask of Y/N, it looked very rough for Bucky so he intervened and grabbed Shuri by her arm.

“Easy” He growled. Y/N squeezed his arm lightly to show him that it was okay.

“Did you know?!” Shuri questioned Y/N.

She nodded. “But not for sure.” She replied weak.

“For how long, I need to know or-”

“-Or what, what is going on here?!” Bucky nearly panicked. “Do something, help her!”

Yet Shuri couldn't have cared less about Bucky right now. She ran through her lab, typed on her computers, and even called out a distress signal. Suddenly an incredible amount of people ran into the laboratory.

Y/N looked at him, took his hand and squeezed it again to comfort him. He should focus on her and not on all those strangers. “I’ll be fine, Bucky.” Y/N was about to pass out again.

“Keep her awake!” Shuri shouted. “The Baby comes now...”

Bucky heard what Shuri was said and yet, it was as if they didn't speak the same language. A baby?! Since when? Y/N didn't look like a typical pregnant woman, she trained every damn day, nobody would do that if she was pregnant.

“You need to leave!” Shuri yelled at Bucky but he didn’t move a feet.

“I’m right were I belong, wanna fight about that or tell me how i can help them both?” He asked her and raised his eyebrow.

______________________________

Hope you liked the first part and please leave a comment <3

111 notes · View notes

dadzawa-adopt-dabi · 3 years

Text

Secret Baby Ch23

Dabi wakes up one day to Giran calling to ask him if he can take on an emergency mission. He needed Dabi to go spend a night or two at the League with Jin. Dabi says no at first, citing the agreement he made when he took Dabi on as an employee. Giran simply sends the exact same message back and Dabi knows he’s not truly asking. He doesn't have an option in whether or not he accepts doing Giran a favor. He’s been kind so far, routinely pays Dabi on time and always gives him his full amount of pay. He Can’t afford to lose his job, especially when the price for betraying Giran is higher than he can pay. “Come to the cafe right away, you will be shown straight to the back this time.”

Dabi swipes to mark it as read as texts Kikiyo’s babysitter, a feeling of dread and anxiety building. That’s normal for him though, he chalks it up to growing up the way he did and being on the wrong side of the law.

'You're going to have to find somebody else ‘Dabi.’ I know that’s not your actual name but whatever, Kikyo is obviously a mutant child. I'm not certified for Mutants. She wouldn’t stop screaming last time, I'm sick of the little feathers tripping me up as I try to take care of the other kids.”

Dabi tried to call her, to work something out just for the day as he drummed his fingers anxiously on the counter. Maybe get a recommendation if she wouldn't babysit Kikiyo, someone who was actually certified instead of going through this again. She must have blocked his number after sending the text because the number comes across as out of service. A quick internet search recommends a daycare several miles away from the nearest bus stop. It’s almost twice what he had been paying her. He swears and bites his lip as he rubs at his tired eyes, pacing in the kitchen. Kikiyo cries, scenting her fathers rising distressed scent filling the air. The black haired omega closes his eyes, biting his lip until it bleeds as he calls his mothers number. There’s a chance she won’t sell him out to Hawks or her husband. Slim as that chance is, Dabi isn’t left with any other choices with the trouble he’s gotten himself into and how much he owes Giran.

He can’t tell Giran that he can’t go through with this job. He can't take Kikiyo with him. This mission is coming at an inconvenient time and he doesn't have anyone else he can call to watch her. It’s been long enough, he misses his siblings if not his mother. He was hoping he wouldn’t have to do this. The phone rings and rings, Giran sends another message asking if he is on his way and Dabi sends back a simple no. Dealing with a disappointed or upset giran is somehow worse than calling his mother and he thinks about hanging up the phone and explaining to Giran for a moment that he has a kid and no babysitter. He doesn't know what other explanation he could give Giran that he couldn't disprove in minutes. He’s never been late before, the bus on his routes are suspiciously never late or full. He’s taken note of it before and had just been grateful. Only now does he consider that it may have been the work of his boss.

Maybe he was seeing how far he would go for him. At what point he would choose Kikiyo over his job. He had a job for kikyo, because of kikiyo. Dabi doesn't know the last time he had a moment or thought or action for himself that it wasn't stolen. Kikiyo’s cries turn to screeches as the call gets declined and Dabi’s stomach plummets. He feels sick as he leans against the counter, squeezing his eyes shut against a migraine hard. Redialing Rei’s number, just in case she had been away from the phone and missed the call. “This is Rei todoroki. May I ask who is calling this number?” she doesn't sound like she’s short of breath or in pain. Maybe it’s a good week. She can come and watch kikiyo and they can talk afterwards. Even if she never wanted Dabi, she can want and love her grandchild. Dabi can make peace with whatever he has to for her safety.

“Hey, it’s uh. It’s Touya.” saying his old name feels clumsy. Like an ill fitting coat, it reminds him of a different kind of stress. When he was struggling to be happy for just a few minutes before everything changed and he made plans to never be seen again. Married off to whoever gave enji the most benefits. Nothing but a tool and an object like his mother was treated. Kikiyo had very well saved him from that fate, Dabi isn’t sure how long he would have been able to bear it.

“I, I don’t know if you guys thought I was dead or um. I don't know what exactly you had thought happened to me but I, I had her, your granddaughter. I’m sorry I lied about geting a abortion. I’ve, I’ve been barely making it mom-” He hates doing this. Rei can’t offer him any help and even if she can she won’t. Dabi doesn't want to give up this thing he’s started with Giran. He can just, He needs his mom to watch kikiyo for a few hours. He can make it on his own with just this help from her.

“I can’t give you any money Touya.” she says and Dabi feels a tear dip down his cheek as he realizes her tone never shifted at the realization she was talking to him. Maybe enij reported him as a runaway but they couldn’t arrest him. they couldn't bring him home again because he was over 18.

“No, i. That's not why i’m calling. I need a babysitter.” He feels more tears leak out his eyes and he pokes Kikiyo’s cheek to make the screeching stop.

He places a few crackers in front of her and she’s instantly distracted with the food. Peeping at him every few bites and holding a cracker out for him that he smiles at as he pretends to eat it. Nibbling at her little fingers and forcing himself to smile at her to give his daughter the impression that everything is just fine. Daddy’s just weird sometimes and smells scared when there’s no need for her to worry.

“I have my own job. I just-” He hates begging her for things, she always lets him down and he’s tired of being out of options. “I’m not going to whatever rodent infested place you've landed yourself in to watch your child. Not when you shouldn’t be off partying with some random alpha who I’ve never even met or who never asked us to court you.” Despite the harsh words her tone is dreamy and far off. Dabi knows she’s staring off into space as she speaks on the phone, no clue where he is. Uncaring and someone else will have to dress the kids and feed them tonight, help with homework since he’s not there. She might come back to herself tonight, it's hard to judge over the phone.

“No mom. I’m by myself. The father isn’t in the picture. I told him the same thing I told you.” he panics slightly. She can't process what he’s saying right now, never has been able to. He needs her though. He’s gotten himself so far down in trouble that he can’t get out and he’s comfortable with that until now. “You can come meet your grand baby. She’s wonderfully behaved, I promise. She can just smell me right now and im. I’m scared and alone and i'm in some trouble if i don’t go on this job.” he admits as his eyes widen in panic and when Kikiyo wont eat her crackers and starts crying again he nearly cries with her. Instead he picks her up and bounces her in the air as he holds the phone between his ear and his shoulder. “I said no Touya. I can’t, He would find out. Just like he found out about your clubbing when that young blond man came knocking on the door. Looking for you. Everyone else had to pay for your mistakes because you weren’t here Touya. I refuse to clean up after a child I never wanted. I don’t have a grandbaby or an oldest omega son.” There’s a click as Kikiyo chirps shirlley and Dabi let himself slide down to sit against his counter.

Dabi’s head snapped up as there was a knock on the door. Grabbing Kikiyo and shuffling back away from the door. He glanced towards the balcony door as he held her tightly. They were on the 5th floor, no way he could make it down with her and still manage to run. The missed Call and message from Giran glowed on the screen and he pressed Kikiyo’s face tightly to his chest as he back away down the hallway. Not that it would do either of them any good to hide in the closet, still he pushed the clothes to the side and as he sank to the back shushing Kikiyo he spread them back forward to hide them. He hadn’t even taken his pills recently so he couldn’t hide them, throwing off distressed omega and baby pheromones.

His heart stopped beating as he buried his nose in Kikiyo's hair, clenching his eyes shut and clutching her to his chest as the door rattled and opened, of course Girain had sent someone who could pick locks.

He froze as his bedroom door rattled and a familiar scent met his nose. Kikiyo’s too seeing as how she managed to pull back enough to let out a cry to be picked up. It didn’t matter that Giran had come himself to harm them, that Dabi was terrified out of his mind and uselessly trying to shush her.

“I, I’m sorry Dabi. I didn’t think about how this must look to you.” Giran spoke outside the door. Dabi didn’t dare breath as he heard the rustle of clothes and Giran sat down outside the closet door. Scent deeply sad and like he was trying to comfort Dabi. Old books cigars and coffee the most comforting thing he’d smelled in a long time and the closest thing he’d ever had had to a comforting parental scent.

“Dabi, would. Would you mind coming out here? I can hold her if you wish or you can leave her in there but i think it’s time we talked. About what exactly you plan to do when your a single disowned omega with an infant getting involved in organized crime.” he sighed. Waiting another moment before he stood up and pulled back the door. Pushing Dabi’s clothes out of the way as Kikiyo cried loudly to be transferred to him and Dabi kept his head down, gritting his teeth against literally baring his fangs at Giran and shuffled them back deeper.

Giran let out a heavy long breath before stepping into the closet and sitting down across from them. Wrinkling his suit even further and closing the door behind him. Dabi marginally relaxed as he peered across the dark space at him. He took off his suit coat and placed it behind himself as he held his arms out for kikiyo. Dabi crumbled as he passed her into his arms as she coo’d at him. Patting him on the nose as tears dripped down Dabi’s face, head kept turned to the side as he avoided looking at Giran. Giran held her close and put her near his shoulder like he would burp her. Gently talking to her about how happy he was to meet her and how hard her dad was working to keep her safe. The words ‘I’m so proud of your father’ came out of his mouth and Dabi let out a sob before he managed to shove a mouth over his hand, fliniching back. “Dabi. Come here.” Giran held out his other arm as he comforted Kikiyo and Dabi dove for it. Getting easily pulled into his arms as he sobbed.

He doesn't know how long the 3 of them sat like that, sitting in Dabi’s closet as he sobbed and Kikiyo giggled and Giran held them both.

#thedarkonewrites #bnha #mha #Dabi #Hawks #Dabihawks #omega verse #secretbabyfic #OmegaDabi #AlphaKeigo #DabiHawks

19 notes · View notes

darkalleywayexpress · 4 years

Text

Your destiny is written from the day you’re born. Part 2

Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

Rated M

Warnings: non-con sex, oral, violence, abuse.

This is based off of The Devil all the Time. Specifically Lee Bodecker. Ideas be taken from the original story of course.

Note: First time writing. Please give feedback. I don't mind constructive criticism. Hope you enjoy! Thanks!

It’s been a week since I’ve last seen the Sheriff. That day a week ago from them, Ma and Pa talked for a long time. They’ve been silent towards me since that day; barely talking and if they did they barely yelled. Which I prefer of course. I’ve been going back and forth from diner to home and personally couldn’t have felt my life being better than this in a long time. I can cry from joy, it may not be much too some but is a lot to me. I started to slowly save more money, and Pa didn’t say anything; either he noticed and doesn’t care, or he didn’t notice at all. Either way I don’t care.

Tonight, I didn’t have to work at the diner. After dinner mom comes up to me.

“When you're don’t let’s have a chat.” Ma says to me just before leaving to be next to Pa. I wonder what happened? She’s never talks to me unless to get mad and she would do that in the open not in private. I have an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. After everything is done we leave to go to my room.

“What is it ma?” I say fiddling with my fingers taking a seat on my bed. She comes to sit beside me holding my arm. She never shows compassion.

“It’s time for you to be wed. Girls your age already have babes in their arms.” Ma replies.

“I don’t know anyone mom – hhow can I get married?” I reply voice cracking.

“Well your Pa and I have someone in mind. Or should I say someone has you in mind.”

“Who?” I can’t hear anything but my own voice, my heart pounding at this point.

“Lee Bodecker.”

“The Sheriff? You’re joking.” I scoff looking at her. Her eyes are stern. “He’s much to old for me.” Getting anxious with where this is going.

“Your Pa already gave his blessing.”

“So what. You wanted to tell me ‘wasn’t you should get married’, but rather instead ‘you are going to get married’. Correct me if I am wrong Ma.” I say slightly raising my voice.

“I care enough to come and tell you. If it weren’t for me your Pa would’ve already thrown you out like the bitch you are to the Sheriffs feet.” She bites back. Disgust. Is the only emotion I feel as of right now.

“Two weeks from now you’ll be married to him and don’t you dare say anything to your Pa, or he’ll beat you until you get it engraved in your head. Beaten or not you’ll have your ass married, for all we fucking care.” She says leaving. But just before she closes the door she takes one more look at me and leaves.

I get up to turn off the lights and lay, quietly crying myself to sleep after what felt like hours.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week left till I marry. It all feels so fast, too fast to the point I can’t even comprehend it at all yet. Today I’m expected to meet him face to face. My parents watched me from the front door leaving to the Sheriff’s car. It’s funny. Marrying someone you’ve never met, well until just a week before your wedding.

He stands outside leaning on the passenger door. Standing straight up as I neared his hand out, I grab to shake.

“Hello y/n.” He says smiling at me first and then my parents.

I reply back in what almost felt like a whisper. He opens the door waiting for me to sit, shutting it after me. I’m scared. He soon gets in and drives off.

We stay quite until we have coffee in our hands looking over the cliff side, staring at the scenery among us.

“You’re a quiet on aren’t ya.” He chirps his eyes not leaving the view.

“Something like that.” Focusing not to burn my tongue from the coffee.

Turning around, he says “Not trying to seem rude or anything, but I didn’t even know Virgil has a daughter. I thought they were a family of five boys. Seems you were hiding in the crowd.” He grins at his last statement.

Staring straight ahead, I respond. “I’m not one to go out much. I never tend to leave home other than for work. Not such a social person as people say.” Seeing him smile from the side of my eye.

“The Diner. Correct?” I nod.

Why does he want to get married to someone he doesn’t know? It just doesn’t make sense “Why?” it slips out my mouth.

“Why. What.”

“Nevermind what I just said.”

“Ask away. Something clearly in your mind so just ask.”

“Why do you wanna get married to someone you don’t know?”

“Everyone needs to get married one day and I’ve been looking for a dame for some time now. As you can see I ain’t getting any younger. The situation may have not been the most romantic way, but-. But, what I’m trying to say is I’m getting tired. And as the elders say, ‘my time is ticking’. So let me ask you what is your answer. So what do you say are we gonna get married or not?”

An answer. He wants me to make a choice. Like I made all the choices in my life before. None of the choices I’ve made before are mine. I can’t let my past inside of me quiet down, not allowing me to make the choice I want to make. It’s not like I know any better right? Listening to my parents is all I know. They say heaven is at your mother’s feet, no matter what you do, you can never pay a mother’s debt. But even if you did try to ‘pay’ it no matter how hard you try and it wont work because if your mother is just as unhappy as yourself nothing will make them happier. Knowing that I don’t have much of a choice, I answer with my only option. “Yes. Let’s get this done as soon as possible, please.” He opens his mouth to respond but before he can I begin talking again. “We should get going now Ma and Pa are probably worried, and it’s getting late. I shouldn’t hold you back from your work, you must be a busy man.” I begin walking to the car, opening the passenger side and taking a seat.

“Okay, you’re right.” He says walking to the driver’s side, turning the engine on.

I haven’t realized how cold it was outside until now. My fingertips feeling like there are about to be frost bitten.

“We’re here.” I exit. Him following, I bring my hand out to him to shake as he grabs it, his thumb touching the top of my hand rubbing back and forth.

“It was nice talking to you Sheriff. Have a good day.”

“We’ll be married before you know it, please drop the formalities. It’s Lee to you now.”

“Okay Lee, goodbye.” I walk up the stairs and make my way in.

Its true when they say the house that you are born in writes your destiny. It doesn’t matter if I marry, it’ll always stay the same. Without any hope in me, I make it back inside my soon to be ex-home.

#lee bodecker #lee bodecker x reader #dark!lee bodecker #tdatt #tdatt fic #dark fic #the devil all the time

103 notes · View notes

hello-yue-here · 3 years

Note

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

12 notes · View notes

orsuliya · 3 years

Text

Song Huaien is a good boy!

Book spoilers did me dirty. That’s a fact. Ever since I peeked at the last chapters of the novel, I’ve been convinced that Song Huaien was going to go rogue sooner or later. And so I looked upon him as one does upon a ticking bomb, watching him closely for any signs of rot and obvious mwahahahaing.

And that… might have been wrong of me. It’s not like The Rebel Princess ever treated any character’s novel journey as sacrosanct (see: Su Jin’er, Wanru, even Zitan). So what gives? Well, just look at the ever-precious Liu Duanduan. Wouldn’t you want to steel your heart in advance…?

And then the supremely astute @dangermousie came along and made me reconsider what could be done in the scant remaining number of episodes in order to deliver a satisfying ending. I trust The Rebel Princess, so it will be a satisfying ending, 12 cut episodes notwithstanding, and I’m choosing to ignore any contrary opinions! So what could be done? Well, getting rid of Song Huaien’s rebellion and conflict with Xiao Qi seems to be one of the most viable solutions, whether by design or by leaving it on the cutting-room floor. Okay, I’m sold, I thought at once, jumping without thinking as I’m wont to do. But does the drama itself support that?

Why, yes, I believe it does!

What are the actual visible signs of Song Huaien’s potential villainy? There’s the corruption/negligence thing, a pronounced liking for finer things in life and an unrequited love for Awu. That’s it.

The corruption scandal, if it can even be called such, what with Potato suppressing any further investigation attempts, is the biggest strike against Song Huaien. It’s clear that he’s somehow embroiled into unsavoury dealings, but the extent of his guilt is never shown. While I don’t fully believe his story about the birthday gifts being delivered during his absence and accepted without his express permission and/or knowledge, there is also nothing to suggest he’s been explicitly on Xie payroll, secret documents non-withstanding. The record book alone is no proof of guilt – why, the Xie might have simply noted that gifts of certain value had been given and received, not in exchange for a specific service, but rather as a start of a beautiful relationship. You get the drill. I believe if there was a solid proof of Song Huaien doing explicit harm to his own in exchange for Xie money, Xiao Qi’s reaction would have been much harsher.

As it stands, Song Huaien’s guilt is a matter of conjecture. There’s the birthday gift, which Xiao Qi cottons onto really quickly, which confirms that it may have been noted in the Xie secret books. There’s the fact that he may or may not have known about it and may or may not have chosen to keep it. I’d say he did know, if only after the fact, and that he originally meant to keep it. There’s also the damning fact that Song Huaien was the man taking care of logistics from the Ningshuo side. And he did his job really poorly, since multiple deliveries of substandard grain and clothing somehow made it through. But was it out of maliciousness? Was there ever a conscious decision on his part to let things slip? Not necessarily. It looks bad, sure. But let’s not forget that dealing with the capital sharks may be a first for Song Huaien, regardless of his previous experience as a procurement officer. Whatever his experience, it was either at the very end of the supply chain or it was mainly related to supplies coming from the area closest to Ningshuo. The former wouldn’t have prepared him for his present duties. And as for the latter, I think that the Ningshuo province has its own rules and ways, which are in no way comparable to the shark pond that the capital undoubtedly is. What’s more, Huaien really seems to buy into the illustrious capital life; it would not surprise me if he delegated a few things that should not be delegated simply because he was busy taking it all in!

So, intentional crime or crime of negligence? I’d be inclined to vote for negligence. It just fits what we know about Song Huaien up to that point, it fits his current circumstances and it makes Xiao Qi’s reaction quite reasonable.

The second strike against Huaien’s integrity is his love for the finer things in life. But then, is it really such a damning thing? Many of the Ningshuo soldiers must have experienced the same thing upon their arrival into the capital. Here they are, heroes and patriots all, having spent their whole life either on various battlefields or in decidedly non-luxurious circumstances. Why, they must be quite happy if they get enough to eat, which they do only because they have an honest general who cares about them very much. Other armies are not as lucky! And then they are shown all those useless noble scions, some of whom might nominally be officers despite barely knowing how to hold a sword (and even those swords would be ceremonial ones, so mostly useless). I don’t know about you, but I’d be bitter. Some of Xiao Qi’s closest clearly are, although he tends to shut that down very quickly. Also, covetousness is not a crime as long as Song Huaien is not actively taking bribes or jockeying for profit. And there is no proof of that. His manor and his title are both given to him without him ever asking for them. If he appreciates that… well, that is also not a crime and he doesn’t even gloat openly! As it later turns out, he took both as his due, believing that his talents were seen and duly appreciated outside the Ningshuo army.

Sooo… Nothing out of ordinary on that count. And seeing that at one point Song Huaien offers to use his savings to repair the ailing military budget – whether from guilt or from sense of duty – speaks to his advantage.

Now, let’s take a look at his unrequited love for Awu. I mean, is it any wonder he falls for her? I am half in love with her myself, so I totally get it! What matters is what he does with this love. Quite surprisingly, there is no attempt at coming between her and Xiao Qi. Why, Song Huaien actively tries to help their marriage by convincing Awu to return home from the temple. No hesitation there! And while he might realize he’s actually in love very late in the story (by this point it’s obvious to everybody), the realization itself changes very little. He gets very determined to go through with marrying Yuxiu, that’s it. Still no attempts to make a move on Awu. Even that flower he brought back from the Imperial Mausoleum was not an overly romantic gesture – she asked and he did as she asked in order to make her happy, nothing more. There’s also a genuine attempt to get over her. He goes to Yuxiu on their wedding night and despite the initial haziness on the matter, he seems to know quite well she’s not Awu and does his best. Although that bro slap in the morning… Let’s believe he did his best there too, the poor awkward thing. He gives her an actual hug when he comes back from Jiangnan! Progress!

What finally buried the theory that Song Huaien might rebel in order to take Awu away from Xiao Qi was his convo with Wang Su in episode 55. I was so afraid (just as I was afraid on his wedding night) that he might do something stupid. Like asking for Awu’s hand or betraying his romantic intentions towards her. But no. While Song Huaien tells Wang Su that he wants/needs to find Awu, there’s no romantic intent there, only duty towards Xiao Qi’s wife and respect towards a woman who has earned it many times over. If there is anything else, I just can’t see it! Why, during this whole conversation Song Huaien is more broken up about Xiao Qi than about Awu!

Whether Song Huaien manages to get over his love or not, there is no sign he was ever going to do anything about it, not while Xiao Qi lived and perhaps not even now that he’s supposed to be dead. Moreover, he made every possible effort to suppress his emotions out of sheer guilt and feeling of brotherhood towards Xiao Qi. Marrying Yuxiu might have been a bad, bad choice (although I still hope for the best), but it was a choice made for the best of reasons.

So that’s it, right? Well, wrong. Even with all of the above there was still a possibility for him to go the villain route. Except… he actually seems to be redeeming himself in leaps and bounds. Once away from the capital, Song Huaien seems to throw off the capital’s thrall and becomes the best version of himself. Jumping into stormy waters in clear disregard of any danger? Working tirelessly towards a common goal and for the good of the people? That’s pure Ningshuo stock, no moral rot in sight! Now, why would the narrative have him getting back to his old self only to make him regress again?

There’s also no real reason for him to ever go against Xiao Qi. If that was going to happen, I’d have expected at least some signs of bitterness and jealousy to have shown up by now. And yet there’s nothing, at least not towards Xiao Qi. Who, might I add, really does his best to mitigate any potential bitterness in the bud. Just look at the way they resolve the corruption scandal! And I’m not talking about Xiao Qi burning (or not burning?) the incriminating page. What got my attention is what their conversations over the matter boil to. Which is: Listen, brother, I get that you’ve been having some issues, but get your shit together. And please, take care of yourself. I don’t want you to get in trouble, so please remember that there are people watching your every step. No overt accusations, no anger in sight, maybe the slightest bit of sternness, but heavily undercut with roughly expressed care. And it’s the same with their confrontation over Awu. I know what’s going on with you and my wife, but I 100% get it, mate, so take a moment and decide how to proceed from here. Even if Song Huaien was actively seeking a reason to hold a grudge, it would take a truly rotten seed to find one. And a rotten seed Song Huaien is not.

Now, let’s wrap it up by going over Wang Su’s suborning of Song Huaien in episode 55. It’s really something special, as well as the main reason I’m choosing to reject any possibility of SHE/XQ showdown.

Wang Su waylays Song Huaien on his way out of camp. Song Huaien is clearly very emotional at this moment and not really inclined to stop for anybody. Why, I think that he was fully prepared to go through Wang Su if needed. It is also quite probable that his decision to leave for the capital was made on the spot, once he heard about what happened to Xiao Qi, Awu and his comrades. Yet he stops and listens, if only because Wang Su – Awu’s brother and Xiao Qi’s brother-in-law - should be his natural ally in his quest to clear Xiao Qi’s name. As he proclaims to be by announcing his willingness to join Song Huaien on his journey to the capital.

Wang Su (or rather Daddy Wang possessing Wang Su’s body) takes full advantage of Song Huaien’s state. First he breaks out a prop, Awu’s favourite wine. It does not work as well as it could have and I’d say that at this point Song Huaien remains quite astute as to Wang Su’s weird behaviour. His first outburst shows he’s got little patience for games. Awu is your sister and Xiao Qi your brother in law, he reminds Wang Su, who seems very controlled for a man with much more obvious ties to this whole situation than Song Huaien. Wang Su skips around the issue by taking out his ace card, the Empress Dowager’s order. Predictably, it takes Song Huaien off-balance and incites a sense of debt, if not gratitude. An excellent opening from the shapeshifting Daddy Wang! Then Wang Su makes an attempt at aiming Song Huaien at the Empress Dowager… and it doesn’t work. Song Huaien doesn’t care about his own life half as much as he cares about Xiao Qi. Cue a mournful soliloquy! There is no way a man this broken about his brother’s death is going to try to kill said brother in the 13 episodes remaining (less, in fact, since they will not meet until 59 or 60 at the earliest). There would be no build-up! The only way I can see this happening is if Xiao Qi went against Song Huaien first and in a deeply personal way. Which we know he would never, so...

Wang Su makes a brave attempt at corralling Song Huaien’s grief and turning it to anger, for all that he may say that anger will not help anyone; it doesn’t work and self-blame enters the picture. If only I was with him leads to a startling realization: all those honors and the brand new posting were just a ploy. Now, this realization could lead to two different results. Song Huaien could plausibly become bitter towards Xiao Qi – because of whose very existence his own talents weren’t truly recognized and he himself became a pawn. But there’s nothing to suggest that’s true. It’s more likely for Song Huaien to turn his bitterness over his wounded pride towards the Empress Dowager in particular and scheming nobles in general. Which is what I think he does. There is also a possibility of guilt: he bought into this whole noble life fairytale… and this is what partially facilitated him being turned into a pawn. It may be just wishful thinking, but I expect that in the future Song Huaien will be more wary of unexpected meat pies falling from the sky, however tasty they may be.

Just a moment later Wang Su offers him a meat pie. He’s going to help him take revenge! And Song Huaien swallows it whole – at least for now. This is where a truly interesting thing happens. Song Huaien, a general in his own right, a true hero and a man who’s been acting as Wang Su’s equal while in Jiangnan… folds and takes to a subordinate position like a duck to the water. Tell me what to do, he seems to be screaming with his eyes. And when Wang Su starts to use the word we, there’s a palpable sense of relief in Song Huaien’s whole demeanor. What’s more, he’s not reacting to the idea that he still needs to jump through some hoops in order to become a Wang minion. I’m not sure you’re ready to become my ally, lies Wang Su, knowing very well Song Huaien’s is already in his palm. Where’s the ambition? Where’s the slightest sign that this man may be capable of going for the throne for his own sake and against his brother? I don’t see it!

The Wang family is used to needing to pay their allies in hard coin (or titles, or favours), that much is clear, because that’s what Wang Su tries next. The title of a count is too lowly, he says and then dangles a princely one in front of his victim. If Song Huaien was really as hungry for honours and wealth as some of us were expecting him to be, he’d be all over that. But he’s not. He gives it due consideration, but, if anything, this proposition seems to bring him back to reality. There are no free meat pies to be had and he’s just remembered that. But since this is the best – and likely the only – proposition/offer of help he’s going to get, he seals the deal anyway.

There’s still some reluctance, though. Why, Song Huaien needs to rationalize this decision by reminding himself that Wang Su saved his life and that there’s revenge to be taken since he’s alive (as Xiao Qi is not). Not very eager to take part in a coup, is he? And then he actually makes getting justice for Xiao Qi a condition of this alliance! Finding Awu is the second one, but as I’ve already said, there seems to be no romantic intentions there.

And that’s it, the deal is done. So now, can anybody tell me how is this Song Huaien supposed to go against Xiao Qi? He’s more likely to go for a hug once he sees him alive!

There is no reasonable way to leave in Song Huaien’s conflict with Xiao Qi. There’s just no time and no real build-up to that! The only way to have him go rogue is to have a timeskip with Song Huaien doing a 180 in the meantime. And somehow I just can’t see it happening. But I guess we’ll have to see about that!

#SONG HUAIEN IS A GOOD BOY #it's not just because his hair looks nice I swear #I'm not that shallow or am I #the rebel princess #monarch industry #rebel princess meta #this is kinda long

30 notes · View notes

wullu · 4 years

Text

First few episodes in, I had a feeling that Flower of Evil could become a part of my 'fave dramas of all time' list but I didnt want to raise my hopes cause you can never fucking tell when a drama decides to turn on you and let you down.

Anyway, no worries here cause Ep 16 just cemented FOE’s place on that list.

I will be honest, I came for the thriller and deception aspects of this drama. But I ended up staying for the romance. As the drama went on, some of the logical aspects of the plot confused me but the emotional satisfaction I got from the romance made up for everything. I swear to god, it really did.

Some thinky thoughts under the cut for why it pinged all the right buttons for me. Strap yourselves in. It’s a long and passionate and somewhat confused essay about why I loved Flower of Evil and why I rated it 10/10

Ep 16 was polarising for a lot of people and I understand why. In some ways, it upended all the previous episodes.

The amnesiac reset was not easy to watch, especially since it put Ji Won in even more agony than before. How much did she need to suffer before the fruits of her love were realized? Howevuh, the way I saw it, the amnesia reset established a few things that I believed the drama has stayed true to, all the way from the start to the finish.

Here is the thing, names carry so much baggage. When children are named after a much beloved and deceased relative, it can be one of two things. One, it is a way to honour an important part of your life but also allow the child to be a fully realized person. The second, the name becomes a prison when it is given to you without any choice in the matter and where you are not allowed to be you.

For Hyun Soo, the name Baek Hee Seong has all these memories and emotions attached to it and while his feelings were not any less real, they are tainted by the foundation they began on. The foundation being a deception.

For Ji Won, his name really doesn't matter. Because at the end, she doesnt view him as Baek Hee Seong or Do Hyun Soo. For Ji Won, he is her chagiya, her person, her husband. And for Eun Ha also, it doesn't matter if her father is Baek Hee Seong or Do Hyun Soo. He’s her father first and foremost and her most favourite person in the whole world.

Both Ji Won and Eun Ha accept him for the person he is and the role he plays in their lives.

But for Hyun Soo, Baek Hee Seong will always be the constant reminder of the very thing that ripped apart the fabric of his family life. That’s not the kind of baggage you want to bring to your relationship. Ji Won remembers so many of the good times they had together .But for Hyun Soo, those moments didn’t feel like his because they weren’t attached to his name. It is Hyun Soo more than anyone else that needs the distinction between the two names. Baek Hee Seong was his life for 15 years and it is also the most horrible reminder of how he hurt Ji Won (a person he loves more than anything else in the world) and Eun Ha by having them become a part of his deception. And he also knows first hand what it means to live with an axe over your head, always ready to drop.

15 years ago, Baek Hee Seong was a chance at a better life, a way to escape the shackles of his father. But over time, the thing he thought would set him free dragged not just him down, but also Ji Won and Eun Ha. More than a physical thing, I consider the amnesia plot point to be a thematic reset. Do Hyun Soo links him to his father, but at the same time, it also links him to his sister (one of the good things in his life).

In ep 13/14, he asks Ji Won why must he suffer all of this? Why must he experience all this pain?

And if you further follow this line of thought, you can see why he’s so angry.

Why must he adopt another persona to adapt to the world? Why wont the world adapt to him being Do Hyun Soo instead? These are very valid questions. Our society is very big on ‘being yourself’, but at the same time, society contradicts itself by also saying you can only be you and acceptable by conforming to a very limited sphere of uniqueness. Hyun Soo knows the fallout of this firsthand.

Ji Won has given him all of her from the start. But he has only given her Baek Hee Seong. By going back to being Do Hyun Soo, he reclaims all the emotions he felt in the preceding 15 years and attaches them to his real self. People said that he was just like his father and a psychopath. But he gets to prove everyone wrong.

He’s capable of love, he’s capable of empathy and emotion and he’s also capable of being loved. He achieves all these things in spite of the legacy of his father’s name and his own name. He is loved just as he is.

Just as Ji Won submitted to the mortifying ordeal of being known, so is Hyun Soo now. He wants to show Ji Won all the original parts of him and love her as Do Hyun Soo And isn’t that the realest indication of a loving relationship? Someone knowing you for being you and still loving you.

And as for Ji Won, time and time again she has made it clear that her happiness lies in Hyun Soo’s happiness. If he isn't happy, she cannot be happy. Does it make her seem sacrificial? Yes. Did she have a choice in it? Also yes. And she made her choice. No one else made it for her. She’s given so much of herself to this relationship, but I don't think there is any other way she would have it. In that way, Ji Won has a very singular sense of perspective. It’s the exact kind of tunnel vision, which when you encounter it in real life, feels extremely annoying and unhealthy, and while in a drama, it is also unhealthy, on the flip side, it’s also grand and tragic and heartfelt.

Because she loved him so deeply and truly, in return Hyun Soo tried to do for her all the things that made her happy. And in many ways, it is the same reaction a child has to unstable parental figure. They do the things that they think will make the person happy. Except here, Ji Won has been one of the most stable presences in his life. Ji Won loved him when he did all the little things for her.

But she also continued to love him even when the exterior began to chip away and the relationship started to destruct. And that is Hyun Soo’s lesson for learning that he doesn't have to be anything other than himself to be loved by Ji Won. She may trip up on his name and call him Hee Seong from time to time, but she loves him for being her chagiya.

Strip away all the extraneous details of this drama and you will see that at the heart of it, this was always going to be a love story that was much larger than the two individuals in it.

Ji Won begins pulling away only in the end because while she wants him to be happy, it finally becomes too much to bear. It’s not that she cannot stand seeing him happy. And it is not that she does not love him or is angry with him. It’s the sickening knowledge that perhaps, all her love wasn’t enough and that the damage that others have wrought was too lasting and could not be fixed.

The amnesia reset was a chance for a do-over, and it is not often that you get one. The first time, Hyun Soo came to her as Baek Hee Seong and that too by sheer coincidence and lettuce be clear, Ji Won’s enduring perseverance as well. The second time, he came to her through intention and intuition, and as Do Hyun Soo. And this is the one that counts. He does not remember creating a life with her but he remembers the way she made him feel. The amnesia reset made him go back but it didn’t change the core of who he was.

So what do we see in the final scene? That in fact, more than anything else, it is Ji Won’s love and the prospect of losing it that sent Hyun Soo off the rails and at the same time, it's her love and the the safety and comfort of her presence that brought him back. And it was the same for Ji Won as well. His potential loss of his love sent her crashing but at the same time, his love also grounded her and raised her up if you will.

The evidence of her love was in all the emotions his body remembered. And the evidence of his love was in the way he came back to her and in the way despite all his statements to the contrary, the most emotion he showed was when they both broke down together in the car.

So, Ji Won needed to see that her love was always enough and Hyun Soo had to realize that he was worthy of it and that he deserved it and that he loved her as well. That the past 15 years weren't some ridiculous fluke.

He didn't have to be Baek Hee Seong to be loved or love Ji Won. He just had to be who he always was, Do Hyun Soo.

#kdrama #tvn flower of evil #flower of evil #moon chae won #lee joon gi #sweet cheesus #i have let myself ramble #but who am i to resist the call of an otp #word vomit #my commentary

64 notes · View notes

chimswae · 3 years

Text

BTS Caretaker CH43

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 3,043

- Author Note: Happy Musters i hope i am not too late <3 But yes i have bene busy with Musters and BTS 8th anniversary in general! i hope u guys had a blast while watching! it is day 2 today so yay!

Previous | Next

Chapter 43

“Can you reach her Yoongi?” Jin’s voice brought him back to reality. Slowly, he shook his head in dismay. The crease on his forehead was evident causing the older man sighed in frustration.

“I wonder where she is” Jin muttered as his eyes scanned the area diligently in hope to catch the girl between the huge crowd.

Supposedly today, Seul would be joining the team to USA for Billboard Music Awards. However, she didn’t show up even until now. The plane would take off in thirty minutes but she’s nowhere to be found. Yoongi clutched onto his phone helplessly, hoping to hear a single ring at the end of the line. Then again, he was greeted with a small beep and the usual robotic woman asking him to leave a message.

Frustrated, he stroked his hair back with a small groan. He tried for the umpteenth time to reach Seul again but to no avail.

“Hyung, maybe something come up. She’ll be alright” the leader reasoned.

“This doesn’t sound like her, Seul would never bail on me without words. Something happen to her, I can feel it” he got up, resting his forehead against the cold wall.

Namjoon heaved a heavy sigh “Maybe she needs to take care of Ahjumma?” “Impossible- her mother is in Jeju with Hoon. Something is off. I need to find her” he exclaimed with so much determination.

“You can’t do that. We need to get into that plane in few minutes. You can’t bail the award Min Yoongi for a mere girl” Manager Sejin stern voice sounded as though he’s challenging the older guy. It somewhat triggered his anger.

“That girl happened to be my girlfriend” he hissed lowly, offended by their manager’s remark.

Yoongi shot his manager a dissatisfied glare “Are you saying I should ditch my girlfriend and pretend this never happen? You got to be kidding me” he scoffed.

“Min Yoongi, she will be fine. I have asked someone back in the office to check on her, so please don’t do something stupid” he warned.

“Sejin hyung is right. Let’s not jump into conclusion first. I trust Seul” the tall guy gave his shoulder a light squish in attempt to calm piss off Yoongi. “Please, hyung.. Trust Sejin hyung’s words, Seul is okay. We’ll know what happen once we touch down. It is enough time to find Seul” Namjoon continued.

For some reason, that didn’t sound like an assurance. He couldn’t help this uneasiness inside him. “This isn’t right. I need to find her” he mumbled with a hint of desperation.

“And, they will find her. Let’s be positive for now” their manager patted his back-signalling others to get ready to board the flight. Seeing how Yoongi make no effort to move from where he stood, Jungkook approached the man stealthily “If Seul were here she will go berserk if she finds out you are planning to ditch our schedule for her. So, trust Sejin hyung, someone will help to find her alright?” if there’s one person would do stupid decision like Yoongi then it would be Jungkook. For now, the youngest in the group tried to reason before they ended up regretting their rash decision.

Sighing in defeat Yoongi grabbed his black leather bag and went to line up following others. There’s no way he could betray his own bandmates, his only hope lied with his company to make sure Seul was safe and sound.

---------

“Shall we begin?” his rough voice brought the timid girl out from her daydream. She stared at him in daze as if trying to read through him but no avail. Glancing at the clock, she chewed her lower lips feeling guilty for bailing on the boys and her job. What was she supposed to do? Amidst all the crazy things happening to her today, she couldn’t ignore the fact that this nasty old man was trying to ruin her family.

Gathering her courage, she looked straight into his eyes “You don’t expect me to agree doing this just because I am related to you. Your name is not on the paper. My birth certificate doesn’t have your name” she scowled.

He pressed his lips into a thin line, tugging a small smirk at the corner of his lips “ Yes I don’t see my name on the paper when your mother carelessly put Ji Hoon’s dad name on it. You do realize you are not related to Ji Hoon or his dad by blood, right?” he chuckled.

Seul curled her small hand into fist feeling the anger sipping inside her. If and only she could murder this man right away, she would do it in a heartbeat.

“And..” she heard him continued. “No matter how hard you try to deny me, it is a matter of a fact that I am still your father Ji Seul. I bred your mother, well technically” Seul hissed harshly.

“Don’t you dare to use those filthy words on my mother! I might be your daughter by blood but never by heart”

“Don’t flatter yourself young lady. You are not my daughter by heart either. You still need me though if you don’t want your boyfriend to suffer. I bet it won’t only hurt your boyfriend but also the whole band” he was so shameless when it was down to professing his intention in making Seul to agree on the terms he had just offer her.

Sighing deeply, she shook her head weakly “Don’t touch them, even a strand of their hair. Leave Yoongi alone” her voice turned rougher emphasizing her warning. There was no way she would allow Mr Kwon to ruin their career after all they did to get here. As selfish as it may sound, she’s willing to stay away from Yoongi and the rest of the members if that’s the best for everyone.

“Alright, now we are talking. I will keep the video for now. But if you try to back off, I will release it to those thirsty medias. I am sure they would enjoy to see the downfall of Bangtan Sonyeondan. Everyone does anyways”

Shivering in fear, she understood exactly what she meant by that. The release of the footage of Yoongi and her would shake entire country not only it could tarnish Yoongi’s image but also Bighit reputation as now they are at the peak of their success. What a perfect time to crash one’s happiness wasn’t it?

“So are we in the same boat?” he leaned forwards, rubbing his chin with a proud smug.

Hesitate with the decision that she’s about to make, Seul took a deep breath before nodding in agreement. This was the best for now, she will figure out how to get out from this mess later.

“Good” Kwon arose from his seat making his way to his secret vault holding a brown envelope before throwing it on the coffee table startling the girl. “The address to the private party and money. Use the money to buy you a dress. Doll yourself up, we don’t want the heir to the greatest billionaire in the country fall for another woman. I want you to grab his attention” he shoved his hand inside his pocket looking arrogant as always.

“How is that even possible? I am nobody!” bewildered by his demand, Seul couldn’t fathom the idea of grabbing someone’s attention with her look and status. Moreover, they’re talking about a son of a billionare.

He laughed half-heartedly “You are not nobody. You are Kwon’s and you will be surprised to see how influential I am. I don’t care how and what you do to get his attention, just do it” sipping his whiskey from the glass, he eyed the dumbfounded girl sternly.

“Will you be there tomorrow night?” she murmured under her breath.

“Yes I will be there. Make sure to not cause scene if you don’t want me to release the footage”

She cringed at the thought of the dangerous footage that he possessed. The idea of how her most personal life with Yoongi to be revealed that way to the world made her nauseous. Kwon was a freaking creep, like how was it possible to install cameras in Yoongi’s private studios just to catch a glimpse of their most private moment there.

Seul knew she screwed up big time for doing this without asking Yoongi or anyone, but like she had a choice. Yoongi was off to something big out there and nothing could top it. She wasn’t planning to ruin his moment, their moment because of her problem. Even though she wanted to go to Bang PD to seek help considering this had something to do with his artiste, who’s going to trust her? With all the evident in Kwon’s hand, he couldn’t manipulate and used it against her. Because after all, she was told that his reputation would surprise her.

“You can go now, you don’t want to be late”

‘Why am I doing this. This is not right’ she didn’t dare to take one last look at Kwon afraid that she might threw her fist around carelessly considering the amount of anger bottled up inside her was enough to trigger such violence.

Before she could push the door open, his voice once again halted his action “By the way daughter, I enjoyed the tape. Yoongi really know how to fuck. I get it why you are willing to do anything for him” Seul jaws clenched in anger upon hearing his rude remarks.

Pushing the door hastily, she stormed away before she started a nasty cat fight which might turn into murderous.

-----------

Three hours since their plane landed. But, still nothing from Seul.

Yoongi couldn’t even sleep during their flight which worries everyone. They knew how Yoongi took things too hard on himself sometimes that could jeopardize his health in the end. Namjoon on the other hand was trying his best to talk it out with their manager, finding possible ways to exclude Yoongi from the award shows at least until he’s in the right mind.

Namjoon knew Yoongi was not irresponsible when BTS name was in line, but he also wanted a healthy work environment for his bandmate. Plus, they’re only human. Sometimes unexpected things happen, though how much they tried to endure it whilst they tried to get into their roles as BTS members, it wasn’t healthy.

If it was possible to get Yoongi back to Seoul as soon possible, that would be the best decision for everyone. Yoongi might refuse to blow up this one chance for everyone to perform on AMA’s stage but Namjoon didn’t want him to feel remorse over his decision if something happen to Seul.

After a deep discussion he had with his managers, they finally came to a decision that if they couldn’t reach Seul until tonight, they’re sending Yoongi back to Seoul.

“I don’t agree with this idea! Whose idea is this?” his eyes widened upon hearing the news from Manager Sejin.

“It is my idea. Hyung, you know I want what’s best for you and everyone right?” Yoongi’s eyes snapped right towards the tall man who stood across him with a concern look plastered across his face.

“Kim Namjoon” he hissed. “What’s best for me is to stay here and not to hurt the band. Are you fucking serious right now? This is my life and I get to decide!” his deep voice raise one octave causing the younger members including Jin to seal their mouths tight.

It was intense considering Yoongi and Namjoon barely got caught into a serious argument these days. Namjoon pushed his glass at the bridge of his nose while emitting a deep sigh “This is important, but Seul is important too. If..if anything happen to Seul, I don’t want you to blame yourself for not be able to do at least something to find her. We promote self-love hyung, however you are yet to find a way to love yourself. Seul is part of your self-love” the young man really preached it this time without fail awing everyone in the room.

“I cant do this just because you put that idea in my mind. This is crazy” the pale man looked ten times paler ever since they reached USA three hours ago. Looking as if his soul was sucked out from his body, they couldn’t ignore the fact that Seul was part of the colours in Yoongi’s life.

Yoongi mumbled before Namjoon could even reply “I was overreacting, I am sure she’s fine like you guys said. She’ll be fine…” his voiced faded away showing his faith was shaking by the belief he projected.

“We’ll wait until tonight. If there is no news from her, we’re sending you back to Seoul Yoongi. End of discussion” Manager Sejin frowned patting the sombre man’s back making his way out the room.

Namjoon took a step closer to Yoongi, squishing his shoulder “Trust me, this is the best decision for everyone. Get some sleep hyung, you don’t look yourself. We’ll keep an eye on our phone in case we heard something from Seul” he gave him a small smile as an assurance.

He made his way weakly into his room, shutting the door behind him before throwing his tired body on bed. Yoongi knew this was unprofessional and very childish of him for letting his personal feelings got into the way, yet what else he could do? He’s too tired to deal with this shit by his own till he needed Namjoon to jump into the scene to make decision for him. Pathetic.

‘Just where on earth are you Seul? Why can’t you just say something?’ he slid his thumbs across the screen in hope to hear Seul’s voice at the end of the line. To his dismay, he was greeted by the robotic woman once again.

-------------

“Yoong, wake up… Why are you so sleepy?” his eyes fluttered open at the sound of the familiar voice. He loved the way her fingers moved in between his hair, smoothing away all the worries inside him.

The smell of her intoxicated him ‘Just like us’ like he usually described it.

“Mmmmm.. I miss you and I am sorry that I didn’t show up” her lips pursed into a pout, fluttering his heart like she always does. “But, I promise to make it up to you okay? Don’t worry about me, I am fine” her lips move at its own accord across his soft skin.

“I miss you too” he reached out to stroke her hair, making the girl to lean her cheeks against his palm liking the warmth that she gave him.

“I am no longer scared when you are here with me” said Seul sweetly along with her bright smile.

Confused by her statement, he tilted his head in confusion “What do you mean by that babe?” she only laughed it away saying it was only a random thing coming from her mouth. Liking their close proximity, her confusing words slipped off his mind.

Seul returned to leave fluttering kiss at the corner of his eyes and ended up on his lips. He was about to move their lips together as she quickly pulled away glancing around in fear. “Babe are you okay?” he sat up, reaching for her shoulder.

Her fast reflex halted his move, as Seul arose to her feet with her tears cascaded down wetting her rosy cheeks without warn scaring the shit out of the man.

“Seul-ah what happen? Tell me!” Yoongi followed her action, and he didn’t back down, taking few steps closer to his lover. His heart ached to see how scared she appeared to be “Baby girl, tell me please” she raised her palm to stop him from coming close.

“I am sorry Yoongi. I am sorry Yoongi” that’s all she abled to say in between her sobs.

She took a step backwards before sprinting away making Yoongi restless, he tried to chase after her with all his might. The image soon fades, and darkness engulfed the area.

“SEUL!” he called out her name looking around in daze.

“JI SEUL!” Yoongi never gave up until he could find way to her again.

“Hyung. Yoongi hyung, wake up!” another familiar voice rung in his ear but this time it is not Seul. He shut his eyes together using his strength to shrug away the painful ring in his ears. He clasped his ears kneeling in pain, while his world started to spin around.

“MIN YOONGI. YAH WAKE UP!”

“HYUNG ARE YOU OKAY? HYUNG…”

“MIN YOONG-“ panting heavily, he sat up abruptly causing Jin to stand up. Yoongi touched his head, groaning in pain after the confusing dreams that he had. “Yah, are you alright? You’re calling for Seul’s name non-stop” Jungkook and Jin eyes were puffy from the lack of rest.

“Hyung, we’re trying to wake you up. Are you seriously okay? You are scaring us!” said the golden maknae, as he handed a glass of plain water to him which him gladly took it. Steadying his heavy breath, he drank the water and broke the silence “Seul. I dreamed of her, she looked s-cared…She seemed-“ “Yoongi hyung you need to hear this” Namjoon barged into the room cutting off his sentence.

All eyes were on the leader, and stood behind him was Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung looking as anxious as Yoongi. “What is it?” he gulped hoping to hear something good instead of bad one. After what he experienced few minutes ago, he feared it was a sign to this news that he about to hear from Namjoon.

“It came through your voice mail. I am sorry that I go through your phone. But I wanted to make sure that I keep an eye on it while you are resting in case Seul contacted you” Namjoon voice sounded different almost like he’s hiding something big from him.

“Namjoon.. what the hell is happening?” he got up from his bed, making his way to him.

The leader pressed his lips together in fear, as he slid his thumbs across the screen.

“Y..oongi… H..elp..me..I ..am scared..Please..help me” Seul’s voice filled the room halting Yoongi’s step towards Namjoon.

“Yoon..gi..I am s..cared”

#btscaretaker #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts x oc #bts series #yoongi x oc #jungkook x oc #kpop fanfic #jungkook idolau #yoongi idolau #suga x oc #bts romance #bts fluff #yoongi fluff #jungkook romance

13 notes · View notes

freerebelmentality · 3 years

Text

The high cost of living

AN: ***TRIGGER WARNING*** MENTIONS OF DRUG USE AND OVERDOSE. ** Ok may I request a Winchester brothers x sister reader where the reader is depressed harms themselves and feels like she not good enough and is a drug addict like does weed and other drugs drinks to relieve her pain and her brothers found out and are not happy it and the reader just not having it and doesn’t want help and can’t handle being lectured about her brothers so she runs away and overdoses and her brothers find her but in the end her brothers help her in recovery and it fluffy in the end And can the reader age around 16-19 is up too you i hope this is ok for u if not I can change it. Requested by @supernerdycookietrashblr ** I took out the self harm and just stuck with the rest of the request. Sorry if this got way too long but I got carried away and I just really enjoyed writing this. Ideas came and wrote those down. So I hope you all will enjoy this and enjoy reading

************************************************************************

Word Count: 2,762

On the road again, you thought while sitting in the back of the Impala.

Looking out the window, seeing the trees pass by at great speed is when you begin to feel sick.

“Dean, Dean. Pull over, Im going to be sick” you say rather quickly

With one quick stop, Dean pulls over to the side of the road and puts baby in park

“Geez, are you ok? You want some water? Mint? Mouth wash?” Sam asks as he rushes to your side.

“Mouth wash?” you reply while Sam runs back to the car and searches his bag for his mouth wash.

“Feeling a little hungover? Or just sick, sick?” Dean asks as he comes check on you as well

“A little hungover” you lie to Dean while Dean goes back to the car and reaches for a beer.

He decides something a little stronger than beer.

He pulls out his flask and walks back to your side.

Sam notices how incredibly sickly looking you’ve become and begins to worry that you are coming down with something.

You knew you were coming down from your latest high, well more like from you latest fix and you needed another. Fast.

Dean hands you the flask and you greatly take it from his hands and drink the entire thing. The whisky made things a little more tolerable.

“Thanks man, I needed that” you tell him and walk slowly back to the car.

Dean and Sam looked to you and noticed how you were walking. Like as if you were in pain and cold. The weather was warm and a beautiful day really.

“Are you sure youre feeling ok?” Dean asks as soon as he gets into the car

“Yes, step on the gas. I wanna go home already” you irritatingly reply back.

Dean didnt like that, so he did what he was told and stepped on the gas to head back to the bunker.

Finally arriving.

You get out of the car as fast as you could and into the bunker. You ran all the way to your room and found your stash hidden in your room.

You felt as though you werent moving fast enough but you made it to your room.

Dean and Sam looked at you oddly as you ran fast into the bunker.

“What the hell is wrong with her?” Dean asks as he takes the stuff from the car and into the bunker.

“Maybe she needs the bathroom again” Sam replies following Dean.

“Hmm’ is all Dean says and goes to his room to put his things away.

Once you got the needle ready, you sat on the toilet and poked the needle into your favourite vain. You pulled back the syringe to draw blood is when you injected the stuff. Slowly

Once the stuff reached your body is when you started to forget about everything else. Your withdrawals, depression, everything. Numbing out everything perfectly.

Or so you thought.

You came out of your room to look for your brothers to hang out with or just to get them to stay away from your room anyway.

“Are you feeling a lot better?” Dean asks while turning away from his cooking

“Yes, I feel a lot better” you reply way to happy but oh well you replied anyway

“Ok then” Sam says while he adds more notes to the folders in front of him

He has been adding the men of letters archives, well the both of them have been doing that and they thought you were doing the same but you dont remember a thing from your last hunt.

All you thought about was how to get your next fix or even next high. Weed wasnt cutting it anymore ever since getting into the opiates.

Stupid for getting into those. Oh well choices were made and it makes the feelings go away.

As the days go by which weeks go by as well. Dean and Sam begin to notice how incredibly bad you got while hunting, sick, and more sicker.

After the sickness, you would be at your normal self and be the great hunter they knew you to be. But when the sickness came, it was as if they didnt know who you were. Didnt look like you or anything.

“Let me know when she goes out, ok?” Dean asks Sam as he watches you walk to your room

“Uh, ok. Why?” Sam asks not really sure if he wants to know the answer but he is curious to see what Dean is up to.

“I want to look through her room, I want to see if Im right about something. If not then I am going to feel like a complete dick about it later” Dean explains himself as he looks towards the hall.

“Right about what?” Sam asks looking out for you as well

He hears you coming out of your room and walk the hallway and waits for you to appear.

“Hey guys, Im going to head out for a bit and I will be home in an hour or something” you tell them and head out the door.

You didnt give them any time to say anything cause you needed to head out and look for the number one thing you have been needing. You needed your next high. You needed it bad.

“Ok, go” Sam says to Dean as he books it to your room

“What exactly are we looking for?” Sam asks as he digs through your stuf

“Needles or drugs” Dean replies as he sees a box in the bottom of the sink in your bathroom

Dean hoped it wouldn’t be the things he is looking for. Other wise all of you weird behaviour he has noticed for the past couple years would be more understandable now.

He has seen this type of addiction before in fellow hunter friends, their addiction to opiates and how they passed to overdosing.

He opens the box and sees his worst nightmare

“Sam” is all Dean could say and drops the box

Sam rushes to Dean’s side and sees what has fallen to the floor.

All the used needles, cotton balls and spoons. Along with the rubber bands. He also sees the unopened rigs.

“No” Is all Sam can say

He doesnt understand why you would want to inject anything into yourself with poison.

They get out of your roomand wait for you to come back to the bunker.

Dean has a few words for you.

Sam has a few questions for you.

They couldnt believe their baby sister would turn to drugs

Dean is beginning to understand the border line alcoholism but he always thought it was just something to help you sleep. He didnt think it was something to settle the withdrawals.

The next morning, Dean and Sam are still seated in the library waiting for you to walk through the doors. None of them moved from their seats, they stayed seated like that and waited for you. Dean was to heated to even move from his seat.

His anger turned to worry when you never showed. Until now, his nerves settled and now all he wants to do is hug you and lock you away. But he needed to say a few things first before he can do that.

As you come walking down the stairs and see your brothers in the library looking at you all tired looking. You were about to say something when you see a familiar box. Your heart begins to race.

“Morning guys, sorry I didnt come home last night and sorry I didnt call or anything” you say to break the ice but knew you should have said nothing and should have went straight to your room

“Y/n? What the hell is this crap?” Dean asks opening the box and pushing it towards you.

Your heart begins to beat rapidly because your brother has found your dirty secret. Your life long dirty secret.

“You went through my room?” you ask not even going to lie about the box they found.

What was the whole point in lying? They found it, they figured it out and you werent going to lie about it.

It was as if you secretly hoped they would find it, maybe them finding it would finally get you to stop and go to treatment.

“Of course we went through your room. We wanted to know what was making you feel so crappy and during hunts” Sam says next, he finally finds his voice.

“You found my dirty secret. Now what?” you ask as anger begins to form.

“Why? How long? This needs to stop now” Dean replies sternly, he didnt want to get too angry. Otherwise he would have ruined the whole plan he had.

“Or else what?” What are you going to do if I dont stop?” you ask while looking to both of your brothers

They both went quiet, they didnt want to give any ultimatums cause they feared you would pick the poison over them and they knew you are going to pick that over them.

They wondered what they did wrong to make you turn to something else to numb out everything.

Sure Dean hasnt been the poster boy about opening up his feelings about anything and he feels he should have done that with you. At least.

Sam should have pestered you more about opening up. How he does with Dean, he should have done the same for you. He didnt and he feels ashamed.

“You know, I’ll make things easier for you” you break the silence and walk down the hall and into your room

“What do you mean make things easier for us?” Sam asks as he follows you down the hall

“Where the hell do you think your going?” Dean asks next following behind Sam

You grabbed what you could and what you thought was clean. At least it was warm clothing anything, it was beginning to get a bit nippy out there.

“Im leaving. That way I wont be such a burden to either of you anymore” you reply while walking back down the hall and up the round stairs

“Y/n, no. Stay here and we will help you” Sam pleads with you as he follows

“Y/N!! Stop” Dean raises his voice

“You arent a burden. Stay, so we can figure out how to help you and let us help you” Sam continues as he looks to you.

You are at the top of the stairs and finally with one final thought. You turned the door knob and walked out.

Dean runs up the stairs and tries to block you from going any where but he is too late. He ran out the door and you were gone. He yells for your name, looks around and continues to yell for you.

Nothing, it was as if you disappeared into thin air and he wondered where you went or what direction you took.

“Son of a bitch” Dean says as he looks around with both of hands behind his head.

Tears fill his eyes as a lone tear streams down his face. He falls to his knees, feeling defeated he let this happen. Defeated he let anything go this far and didnt notice anything to begin with.

Sam comes running to him and looks around as well.

“Sam, shes gone. I couldnt catch up to her. I let her go” Dean tries to keep his emotions together. But he releases a sob

“We’ll find her, someone has to see her and security cameras are every where and one of those ust of caught her” Sam says as he helps Dean to his feet.

Months went by, Dean and Sam never stopped searching for you. Drove from town to town, Dean always tracked better when he was on the road. But his leads always went cold. You knew better to go off track cause you knew he would track you.

Finally Dean’s phone begins to ring. He takes out his phone so fast and answered it like his life depended on it. In a way it did.

Dean talks on the phone for a long period of time and Sam is getting anxious. He doesnt what is going on or who is calling.

Finally Dean gets off the phone.

“Well who was that? What did they say? Say anything about y/n?” Sam asks way too quickly

Dean couldnt understand a word he said, all due to the phone call he just got and that shocked him more.

“That was Y/n’s doctor. She was admitted yesterday and he told me that they saved her from an overdose. That its their third time saving her from the overdose. Why they never called the first couple times was because she didnt list any family members as emergency contacts. Sam we got to go. We got to get our baby sister” Dean finally says and begins running to his room to begin packing.

Sam couldnt believe those words came out of Dean’s mouth. More like he couldnt believe you wouldnt add him or Dean as your emergency contact to begin with. Until now.

They drove for hours and hours.

As they stand at your door, they see you laying on your hospital bed, IV in one hand while the nasal cannula is inserted.

Your attention is brought to the door and you couldnt believe your brothers are standing right in front of you.

“Hi” you break the silence as the greeting came out a little raspy and small

Your brothers came further into the room.

Dean is the first one who hugs you.

“Hi, I missed you” as a tear streams down his face

He hold yous a little longer, feeling as though he is going to wake up and realize its all a dream and have to wake up to a bunker without you in it.

“I missed you so much” he says as he holds onto you a little longer and tighter.

He feels as though you were going to dissolve away if he let you go. Again

“What the hell happened?” he asks taking a seat by your bed side

“I chased and ended up here” you simply answer your brother.

Well you felt ashamed by answering him

“Your face” is all Dean could say

He sees the bruises on your face, the dark circles around your eyes and how sunken in your face is. He is thinking as if he is looking at your skull.

“Ooh, I owe money to my dealer and he made an example out of my face. A few times. So to medicate, I chased the high so much, that I practically chased myself in here” you reply to your brother and look around the room

“The only way for us to get you out of here is you go to treatment and get help. Dean and I were talking along the way and thats our ultimatums” Sam says while Dean looks to him in annoyance

Dean wanted some time with you before he sent you to treatment.

“Ok, ok. I will get the help. I will go to treatment, I wanna come home” you tell them as you begin to cry.

Sam is happy and hugs you. Tears stream down his face as a sigh of relief escapes his mouth

“Thats what I want, for you to come home and go get help. We want to be there for you. We love you” Dean says as he hugs you.

He felt relieved he heard those words coming out of your mouth, as if all of his stress has been removed and now he can finally settle his nerves. Kind of.

For them it was an eternity. Dean felt as though he was in hell all over again but this time felt longer.

Sam felt like he was in the cage all over again in trying to look for you. Or he felt as though he didnt have a soul. Having you around was better and you are Sam’s other half just like Dean is his other half.

When all three of you are together, its as though everyone feels complete but when separated, thats when everything crumbles.

You felt like you are getting your family back, after being away from your brothers for so long. Well more like after running from your problems and creating more. You really felt like you are getting them back and earning their trust.

You and your brother hunted like a family again. Better than ever.

#supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural fic request #request #dean winchester #sam winchester #hunter family #family business #sister!winchester #reader insert #supernatural reader #spn reader #spn fic #spn fic request

40 notes · View notes