dietcoke-lemonplz

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Went to my second therapy appointment YALL and it feels good to express something without someone’s fucking opinion and telling everyone in my life what I said.

But, I’m still grieving this relationship with my family member. Found out she blocked my number and went “no” as soon as she heard I was on the phone. It hurts a fucking lot y’all. Because despite a cousin of mine that’s been off the grid-new phone again and again- she always Facebook messages him and never blocks him. It fucking hurts to know she did just that to me. Especially because it’s like what if something happened to me and she was my last call? And she never had picked up. So fucking disgusting. Makes me hate her more. Because she knows why I left and she still defending an asshat of a man. I did some wrongs myself- which came out when I left but- still fucking hurts to know when you left - she lied behind my back to the family on “what really happened”- to “apologize you both should”- to “respect me this is my home- (my ass of a family member)- to even just saying no. Because I don’t talk to her I’ve cut her out but to fucking know she blocked me- I’m glad I found out like this because makes it easier to know who will not be my last call. Fucking disgusting. I don’t think I’ll ever have a relationship with her till her husband is 6 ft + under ground. Because clearly she is in a toxic relationship and just bullshits everyone when they are good and when they are bad. *eyeroll*

But, it’s ok. We are healing, I have friends- I still have a bit of family. And a nEW MUCH BETTER PAYING JOB! And it’s way easier to lose weight with too :)! So- it’s really what’s been keeping me going to be honest. Saving to move out by myself. It’s a terrible time to do so- with shitty pay checks and high ass rent but a baddie needs to live by herself. Not under another family roof after what happened. My current situation is good, a different family member but- she still chats and tells them about me which really gets to me. Because they always say “classic (my name)” like wow thanks so fucking much. So judgey but can’t even realize what an asswipe is next to her.

Anyway- hope and pray everyone is having a good pride month. I did just cry and had a moment of sadness but crying helps in the long run. Get it out now; and continue working forward. It’s tough it’s shit for days like this; but worth it in the end.

#diary #eating diary #annorexix #annorexxa #family #heartbreak #sadness #therapist #healing #selfgrowth #black sheep #black sheep of the family #cut out from the family #living #breathing #emotions #sensitive times

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

It’s me again.

I - (s.h) my self again, and … I hate that I did it but it’s something that I will live with. But, it’s nice having a tattoo on my thigh so I can’t do as much as I would want to give how much money I’ve spend lol. But tattoos more of them will definitely stop me I can tell.

My hamster died today, and I am sad because I wasn’t even able to care for her as my depression is increasing.

I did feed her normal and everything ! But today I went to check on her under her hole of bedding and she wasn’t moving…

So I buried her and am mourning her a lot. It’s a sad moment for me, and I even binged ate some food that I could get down. It was a sad moment for me.

I also have serious back pain at the moment. And fuck, it’s just adding on to my lost of a day….

*****

Wrote that the other day, looked into a therapist. :). Got to call them and all, and was able to see and wait to see when they can fit me in. I messaged that ass of a dude about the death of his dog, and he thought I was going to do drugs over it… how dare he? I mean he met me and all… :/

But I blocked his number and all… I did S.H some more but, hopefully this lady helps me. I feel so fucking alone now a days. I feel like time is just pasting me…

I have no family anymore, I feel fat, I feel ugly, feel like I’m just finding any man to notice me…and it grosses me out…

And I feel like I’m falling into the same trap of self hating and all, that made me end up in a ward 5 years ago…

I’m even amazed I am able to go to work given how much my life is falling apart … haha.

Fuck man. It’s so fucking hard to live sometimes. Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to have someone hug me everyday and tell me it’s okay….why does everyone have to be an ass that I can’t even go see… why does my life have to be like this?

I’m waiting for people to text me back to feel better about myself and it’s absolutely disgusting, I’ve cut it out of my life - but it’s hard to not want to get noticed… and I don’t even have a small hamster baby to give all my attention and love too…. Because she died :/ …

I’m so sad.

I’m back on my diet again, but hopefully I can see and talk to someone properly about my feelings. I am getting help just waiting on getting a date to see them.

Hopefully - if you read this- know there are resources to call which I did and it can help you find a person.

#selfharn #slef harm #eating diary #diary #annorexxa #annorexix #aneroxia #animal dying

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hello world, it’s been 3 days of my new diet and I feel pretty good about myself. Tomorrow will be my cheat day because I am seeing my best friend tomorrow…

But have you ever read a book of a sadness of a girl’s life and her trying to heal…. She is so close my heart it’s unreal really… it’s a tale about trying to use other methods of healing then what we have taught ourself. And today it really hurt me to hear my co worker say, “you know your really not that funny” and it really hurt me and made me think of maybe it’s because I’m fat… and all those thoughts in my head as I lay in my bed about to go to sleep…

It hurts me and I am writing it here and trying not to do stuff I don’t wanna do anymore. I have been clean for over 5 years why ruin that number now? And also I am thinking of my one weekend with another man…the man that made me so mad. I think of him still, and how he must of saw me as we had sex. And talked and looked at each other for a while…Did he really think I was pretty? What did I look like doing all the things I did … was I ugly? Oh god don’t even give me the view point of that haha…

But, it’s a lot… for me to think about his life and how lonely his apartment was… all the promises and wishes of a life that died in the wintery January moment of America. How that must of hurt… and I know that heart break harder then he may ever know. Because I’m a teen age girl, I’ve been a girl so in love with someone and I was already fucked up to begin with it started and finished something inside of me…

But, he will always have a second piece of my shattered heart, and a my limit sex life a moment in it? Mainly because it was definitely an experience for me…Haha. I don’t know… it’s so much better to write it out, but to be degraded by harsh comments when I’m trying to make work more enjoyable? Especially when humor is how I’ve dealt with my whole issues in life… but, it’s whatever.

I always think about people’s lives and how they live them, like my co workers all parents all have kids my age, what is that like? How sad and boring it is, but what is that comfort and want to see a child before your eyes? I feel like maybe I understand it sometimes… with seeing myself in myself over the years. But, I will never become a parent because I never know what my breaking point will be again, I have no doubt I’ll have another one some day some where some time. But maybe writing my feelings out to weirdos reading a 19 year old’s thoughts helps comfort me. I will say I hate writing in a diary because 1) family 2) family 3) having to stare at what I’ve written for the world to see… then an app I forget about and come back to in time is more comforting then a diary.

But, i guess your wondering what is it I think about ? It isn’t really about him, but it’s the comfort and scariness I felt alone in an apartment … where I felt like it could be me one day, and it was kinda scary with so many rooms, so little things to hide away the thoughts of loneliness. But, I don’t hate it? It was an experience and I think about how he slept, so curled in himself, so angry in himself I can tell, and so heart broken… and lost? I can relate to it all… in a past and future moment… haha.

But enough about my writing … have a lovely day

#diary #eating diary #heartbreak #healing #vent post #venting #annorexxa #annorexix #thoughts #humor

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hello again…

So, today was a lot for me…. I am recovering from my cold it’s in the last stages of literally coughing once in a while and trying to push the snot out of my throat it’s gross lol. And makes me sound like I’m dying…

I got yelled at by my boss… and it triggered my PTSD of me just crying a lot after wards… and makes me remember the situation I left 6-7 months ago of an abusive asshole of a family member… haha. And I just start to cry when I get yelled at and I get emotional and I can’t help it…

I cant handle or even function after someone yells at me that I just left after the clock turned to over time. I fucking left the building, and drove off and weeped a bit. Because it just pissed me off… ya know? Like sure I may of been wrong but… no right to scream at me about it :/. Like you could just talk to me in an angry tone you don’t have to scream at me…

I’ve even looked into other jobs and … wow physical labor can make higher bank then what I’m making now. I even applied to a couple of places because…I’m just tired of not making enough money to rent a place. I wanna live alone and have money left over for emergencies and all. I just wish I didn’t have a pure passion for tattoos and piercings (sighs) or I could work literally anywhere haha.

But, it also helps keep me in shape from lifting shit and all that. But, it’s a lot, to keep fucking up, and being screamed at for it when your just trying… and I’m trying to not freak out and it was the first time I just walked out- I just left. Because I knew if I stayed and I kept crying I’d hate myself more- I will never let a man see me cry - as hard as I did… over something because he screamed at me.

I will not let a man ever see me cry like that especially because of me leaving a situation where I never have to deal with it again.

But, I am looking into jobs and I am going to keep applying and so on… because I need to make money more money then I am, and it’s possible. And I’d like to end up maybe in an office when I’m 35 broken bones from manual labor on the ground up. Ya know?

15 bucks isn’t doing it for me and my shitty situation…

But, I will be okay, and hopefully I don’t cry :) haha. And hopefully my other boss will be there to stop him from screaming at me. . . Tomorrow

But, I think tomorrow I will try my new diet - haha. Finally! Because I am not feeling so sick.. :) anyway peace!

#drama #work #stress #looking for work #money #renting #diary #eating diary

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey everyone,

Just had a month of happiness just end in trash…

Of course a decent guy I meet, a great one at that tells me he isn’t over his ex and he just broke up with her (after even planning to buy an engaging ring and them moving in together) to breaking up with her two months ago…. Like who thinks they have healed in two months?!? Who?! He isn’t getting back together with her but needs time to himself. Like maybe shouldn’t have… looked for a person to date then???? And he reached out to me which makes me even more upset about the whole thing :/ I was really starting to like him too, and it blew up in my face…

I don’t know… just pissed off and I think I am going to punish myself and try and work on my summer body (haha). Once more… because of course a great guy I meet, I can’t even try and pretend to be his friend because I wanna kiss him and all…. :/

My heart hurts even now… but it’s been half of a week and of course I’m sick with a season cold… I’m finally recovering but, my heart still hurts :/

But, all I can do is work on myself, and he may message me one day but I doubt it… I bet he may even go back to her… and all. :/

Just sad at the moment, and all. And work hasn’t been that great either been failing a few times at that too.

But, all I can do is try and get better at something like my weight.

#eating diary #disordered eating tw #moments #heartbreak #a summer's end #thoughts

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hi loves and all….

I mean I don’t even know who really reads these anymore but… today was a sad day….I thought about her again… my mother figure. And how I would go back in time and do everything that she asked me too. People tend to forget … how lucky they are when they have that one parent to hug, to cry too, to talk shit about boys and girls too, and to talk about everything and anything. I have a tattoo with her and I always think about how I should of plucked her eyebrows all the times she asked me too, sat with her and hug her more, talk to her more…. It just hurts completely… and I feel so alone with her…. As my mother figure. It’s weird to say this but- I never thought I’d feel abandoned ever in my life…. But she did it to me even though she said she would never do it too.

She never calls me or text me… and it hurts so fucking much…when I see her favorite candy or the gift I bought her for her past birthday…

It just hurts so much… and I feel like she doesn’t even care about me….

I know I left for my reasons , but she gave up on me and choose a man before her own child…. It hurts so much… and I think what is really pushing me today is I saw the movie Precious and it’s so good but even her own mom chooses to hate her daughter because her boyfriend likes her daughter more then her. And I feel like… she choose her dick of a husband over me. (Now I wasn’t SA like the main character) but it… just hurts today.

I want you, If you have a family member to hug them, to tell them how much you love them for ever and always, because you may not have them forever…and it will make you sad about it, and mourn a lot…for them.

But, crying is always good, let out those feelings and move on, and think happier thoughts.

Sadly I can’t write what I’ve eaten but I say that, I’m doing better… :)

#sadness #abandonment #abandoned #family #diary #discontinuedfamily #broken #brokenfamily #healing #healing myself

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey guys, sorry ive been offline just been in the moment at my job and all.

But, I write to bare that I’ve enter my 4 stage of grief on my family. It hurts even more because they are still alive but I’ve cut off all contact with them. I do need to get a couple of things but I’m not ready to do that just yet. But, I’ve just went through since September- 1) Denial, 2) Anger 3) Bargaining

And now I’m in the depression moment because I’ve just cried my eyes out on why they left me for choosing their married partner over their child. And it hurts, because I’ve been adopted in a family per say, (blood related) and even then it’s hard to have a bond with them, and when you do and over a stupid argument and how the other one acts and blaming it on me…truly amazes me how I ended up here, not talking to them.

It hurts… a lot, but, I still have work to do on moving on or 5Th stage ) acceptance.

I’ve been eating my heart out, and I’ve watched family movies and they make my heart hurt now, I can’t watch them anymore because they just make me sad… I have a picture of them and a tattoo we share together so they will always be apart of me, but, it’s just the way the world works.

I’ve been trying to look on the brighter side of things, like I’m saving money to move into my own place by myself. But it’s pretty hard to do that unless your an onlyfans 1% or have a family member help you get a loan at this point haha.

But, one step at a time. Got a couple things already off my New Years resolutions, but my main one is weight lost. I just need to get serious about it…

#love #lost #lose #goal weight #new year new me #fat #family

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey hey heyyyy,

Been off the grind for - 2 days ? Lmao. Sorry about that. Just been trying to enjoy myself. Been busy with making sure everything is up to date. But, tomorrow I’m nervous. Because the family I’ve cut off, are coming over, to the family member’s house I’m at - at the moment. So, i have to leave before they are even here tomorrow and I’ll probably be out all day. Watching the new ghost buster movie tomorrow… so it’ll be 2 hours off my list, and I’m thinking of staying out till like 6 or something. So, I don’t have to see any of them.

I had a dream this morning, where I saw them again, I just can’t remember everything but, it was quite a dream of betrayal. They been in my dreams for a while these past few months. And it’s quite a shame but whatever.

I think I’m going to leave her present on the table but that’s it’s it. It hurts me truly because the first birthday I can actually spend money on her birthday I break up with her and her husband. Isn’t that some shit? Lmao. But whatever.

But, I wish I had a camera… for my room, here because I wanna see if they get in my room at all. So, I think im going to put tape and trash can too close to the closed door to see if they even dare to enter my new room.

And I’ve been scared that they’ve throw out my mini fridge (I bought like less than 2 months before leaving that house- I was so excited ), and my collection of books. Of all my romance / teen fiction books. It’s a fear of mine… lol.

I also went to the doctor and I have two more weeks of freedom thanks to stitches, so I’ll be able to get my tattoo! So excited about that. But haven’t been paid this week so I’m curious what that’s about… hopefully it’s just due to it being a holiday. Cuz it would suck lol.

But if your a book reader you’ll understand, especially when books are 20 bucks a pop. Like damn…

Been watching Riverdale again, trying to keep my mind off of it all, and playing animal crossing.

But suggestion of the day -

*.- The Hate U Give (great movie/ will be reading the books in the future after I finish a couple books I already have )

*. Yes God Yes (hilarious 90’s sexual tensions and the “sins” of a teen girl discovering her sexually)

Also if your into fashion -

* Teddy Fresh - amazing clothes just had a looney tunes release & Black Friday all this month so some stuff is half off.

*Holo Taco - the best nail polish, i have all the colors , lol.

But food update - binged a bit but being back on track with-

* two slim bagels & butter

* two bowls of chicken noodle soup

*two more slim bagels & butter

Not bad today .*.*.*.*.

Anyway PeacE!

#fat #stress #disordered eating tw #discontinuedfamily #familydramamamama #eating diary #dieting

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey hey,,,,

Jeez so many new followers ?!? And likes… wow thank you, I didn’t know I’d be having people reading my diary notes… but means a lot?

So, let’s get down to business… thanksgiving is next week and the week after that I get another tattoo oooo I’m so excited. :) I seriously can’t wait, I am nervous though, because if I go back to work that first week of December I’m not sure how I am going to word that I have a doctor appointment- and not a tattoo full day session. Lol.

Yikes, but I made this appointment like in June so it’s happening people.

Another thing is, I’ve been bald for nearly 6-7 months now, and it’s nice ? Like it really is nice having no hair. Seriously! Even though I look like a fat egg but keeping it real, got a new hair cut today so rubbing my stubble hairs help me find peace :)

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow so I’m praying that I don’t start work till second week of December. I know terrible of me huh? It’s just for my tattoo appointment I swear. I really miss work, miss lifting stuff, burning calories, not being stuck in my head and thoughts of food… haha.

And no I’m not one to work out outside of work, let’s be real… who am I ? Not that girl. Too depressed for that shit. Lol.

Butttt, I’m feeling pretty good today, not hundred percent, remembered that I am blocked from life of another person hurts a bit. But, sleeping, and watching podcasts have helped. Work will definitely help even more. But, I will say, I’ve always enjoyed internet friends, of course it’s scary but once you get into it it’s like the best ever. They always seem to get you more then an actual friend because you can open up so much more then in real life, if that makes sense. Haha.

And I guess your wondering as you read this, why am I writing these? For my sanity and helping my well being and - I guess another fact you can know about me is I love murder /crime podcast, it’s what I listen to at work, and gaming. Haha. But, there was that one story of “Elisa Lam” or the Cecil Hotel. And I always remember how she wrote on tumblr. And of course it’s sad how it made an impact on so many peoples life’s after she died.

But, it’s very moving to be in an underground app, writing your life to people who seem to want to find themselves and not “cool story bRo- LikE* and never talk about it again.

I mean my friends know me, and know my stories and life dramas but writing it into a void helps lessen my stress and has been pushing me more to get healthier. I even sighed today, eating going, “welp guess we writing this shit down for the books”

And no, I’m not going to waste my time trying to calorie count on here, lol. I think we can all do that ourselves.

But, just a soft excitement post to keep my hopes up, and excitements that are coming in the weeks ahead.

~>~>~>~>|>|>|>~

*foods I’ve consumeddd*

_-_ Green tea (with real sugar) like 4 sips and threw it out.

___- (first time @ salad works and it was pretty good) New England Clam chowder soup - medium

—- (SaLAdWorks) Buffalo Chicken Penni sandwich & Marshmellow sandwich bar

—— Leftover spaghetti

____ and maybeeee Manwich later

_*_*_*[ Diet coke !]

Today’s eats!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

But, I almost forgot to say, I bought 3 cookies at saladworks Chocolate chip cookies and I want to eat them- (all of them. )But, I threw them in the trash leaving, to stop myself from eating them. I know it hurts when you have money and you do this, but, like for my own weight loss - telling myself no, to three large cookies when I’ve had a marshmellow bar. It really puts me in check. So, I’m pretty proud of myself. So, :) !

Anyway Peace ! 

#fat #disordered eating tw #eating diary #dieting #diary #foodforthought #food log #healthy food

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey y’all, (thanks for the many new followers ! Jeez my phone was like +5 followers- so thank youuuuu)

Today my friend/ lover of almost a year- 8 months or something like that… just deleted his gmail and deleted his hangouts which we use to talk on. Out of no where . And all. So, I’m a bit sad about it… haha. I mean I’ve fought with him so much that when you find out it’s all over no say or what. It’s hard… but when I deleted my gmail at one point … I reached out to him a month later… but this time feels different… I don’t know when he did it, been two days since I talked to him. But, it just ended. I’m sad… and oh well. I should feel worst but I guess what helps is it was always long distance… so eases my heart to know I don’t have to drive to his house to figure it out.

But, I write to you guys today… to wonder maybe it’s good he deleted me from his life because I think I need to work on myself, happily by myself… to get into a better mind space. My injury and my life turning upside down in less than 3 months feels like a fucking movie ! I swear, but it’s my life…

But, I’ve been reading and playing animal crossing which when you restart your game girlll you forget how much work you did before lol.

But, I think because I’ve been busy playing and enjoy little things, I’m not as depressed as I would be about this break up and ghosting. It’s sad because you’ve talked for 8 months.. and it’s gone … ya know? But, whatever. Im not going to beat myself up about it.

I’ve had a boyfriend before in high school like this he broke up with me over text and ghosted me after that… so feels like the same thing just miles apart.

But, once you learn that there is nothing you can do, it’s kinda just moving forward is the best way to continue my growth as a person. :)

Anyway, haven’t even gotten through the whole day my friends, when I noticed my period came! And badly before I noticed it…

And todays not over but-

Eat -

- scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, hash browns, and 2 pancakes with a thing of jam and butter on the toast. And ketchup.

-a cup of coffee / and 1/4 of another cup of coffee

-lots of Diet Coke !

-and probably a bowl of spaghetti (same as yesterday)

.*.*___*_*_*__*__*_*_

Anyway, if your bored and wanna good read -

The mysterious Benedict society books are pretty good read / Disney+ has a season of the 5 book series on there. Check it out

#fat #disordered eating tw #eating diary #hearts #heartbreak #ghosted #he ghosted me #foodforthought #annorexxa #annorexix #aneroxia

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey y’all me again!

Doing better lol. I feel much better talking shit out on a post then in a diary… like the fact about writing it and not understanding what I wrote in ten years because my handwriting is wack is lol.

But, thanks for the new followers 3 of you huh? Thank you thank you. I am debating, but this post I’ll use more tags… but, I just want everyone to know that no I’m not posting to be attention seeking or want people to talk back to my posts. This is for me only and is like an outlet. So, just fyi.

Anyway, today was a bit better… no binge eating but slowly making my way down to small meals.

Todays consuming -

* black tea with a bit of honey and 3 fake sugar packets

* 3 normal size eggs and some ketchup

*crunch bar at midnight ! I know so badddd

* 2 bowls of spaghetti (angel hair) with sausages in it.

* found small skillets like baby ones for those small one egg serving things you see in the grocery store - and it made 1 thin tiny cookie and two spoons of vanilla ice cream.

So, I know it’s not great ! But it’s a start in my opinion :) . Deleting doordash was one thing I had to do because it’s so much easier to order so much food and eat like half of it. The price of food is crazy and to eat less then the huge meal you get is disgusting and I need to stop doing that… because it hurts my bank account as well. Lol.

But, baby steps baby steps.

But, this past month and almost two months I had a huge finger injury at work… and thankful it wasn’t my fault. But, it has really messed me up. My fingertips are super sensitive and boneless. They apparently—- if your young enough can grow back?!?!? Crazy I know but it grew back my shattered shredded finger tips but it truly scares me when I go back to work because… my fingers are so sensitive now, and I get a bit of pain and numbness from both tips. And when you work around a ton of huge, cut your body in half machines you forget till it happens to you or someone around you that it can fucking kill you. And I know some people reading this would go ,”I wish” but I’ve spent my teens going maybe I should die here.

But, once you get on the good meds it’s crazy how much you realize you don’t wanna die. Lol. It’s crazy how scared I was, and still am of what is going to be my work like now. I’m not 40 and almost done, it’s - I’m still pretty young less than 30. So, it’s quite… weird and scary to tell you the truth. Especially because you don’t realize how important a fingertip is… till it’s taken away.

So, im just scared… going to see the doc again Thursday and hopefully maybe they could put something over it for me to work with so it isn’t so numb and sensitive… lol.

But since I’ve been home I’ve been eating way more and it’s also going to affect my physical job a ton… I know it.

But, one day at a time, and hope for the best is all I’m thinking about…

Peace _

#fat #disordered eating tw #eating diary #dieting #diary #talks #thinking #foodforthought #annorexxa #annorexix #aneroxia

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

I guess it’s hard to say, but writing your feelings down is like trying to not eat a piece of a good ass chewy and soft brownie platter without eating the whole thing at once.

Ps/ I will be blocking all creeps, because gross!

And it’s hard to forget that I am, Anonymous and I can delete these later. But I always feel like someone is watching me, if that makes sense. Like a government official is going to care what I write lol. But, I will keep it vague as to keep myself as off line as possible. But, I think it’s good to have a blog/diary like people back in the early days of the internet and MySpace! Had on their blogs.

But, two months- now three months, I have cut off my entire life, my family. And I haven’t really forgive them and I don’t think I will. Because someone that I have loved and who has raised me left me, and choose a side with someone they are married too. And that’s been hard for me… ya know? I mean I always thought I’d leave the toxic nest but when it really happens it’s kinda like wow… i left. But, having family still behind your back always feels the best when someone chooses the choose something else and lie about it too (the event that caused me to leave). And I’ve been feeling empty per say, mad, hateful…

Drowning myself in food and acting like that I can forget it… i haven’t forgotten it, but I need to realize I need to let go of this madness and rage. And be myself again, to show them what they allowed to leave.

So, I’m going to start taking my anti depressions again, work on my body again, and my circle of people that I still have.

But I will say what makes me mad about one of the family members I do have, wants me to forgive them like they didn’t lie about what happened to allow me to leave and to allow it to be “water” under the bridge: and I’m not ready. And she just doesn’t see that, but, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. But, I am sending her a birthday gift, one of the many that I have left for good. But now I don’t think it’s such a good idea… so, I’ll probably just keep it for myself. Haha.

But that’s enough about me today, and my last (hopefully binge … was this)

- Taco Bell,

- 2 Doritos Tacos, extra beef, extra cheese and everything but tomato’s.

- 1 Crunch Wrap supreme extra beef and cheese.

- 2 extra cheesy white bread lots of butter … Grilled cheeses.

I don’t even wanna add up the total of calories for that mess.

But, I guess I will say, is I hope maybe this post and maybe if I try to write once a week or more here will reach other people suffering with problems… always hit me up, I’m trying to get back into my tumbler… :)

Peace.

#eating diary #disordered eating tw #dieting #diet #talking #talkingaboutfeelsss

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Been away, lots of shit has happened to me…

But, I’ve been eating to deal with it and here we are. 20 extra pounds in two months…

So, I’m back on the train, to improve your life and your anger is to better your body first.

#fat #moments #deals with life

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Trying to stay positive at the moment, and today I’m

Trying to get back to posting everyday. No matter how bad I wanna eat I’m going to try and keep making sure it’s fruit instead of chocolate, and chips and all.

Been getting a lot of shit from the family about my weight, and how I’m going to be diabetic like the rest of them. It’s seriously so annoying…

But love y’all and thanks for following me & my journey to skinny goals again

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Hey y’all....

Been doing really good recently ! Hitting my stepping goals and actually dieting so :) !

212 right now which is pretty good and I have so much more energy then I use to. Week 3 of no binging and all so ! Yay me !

#eat log #tw eating stuff #eating log #annorexxa #annorexix #aneroxia #weight log #weight lost #losing weight #working #working out #workinghard

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

I have recented a breaking point when I lifted something today and I was out of breath.... it fucking scared me actually and when I run up to things of stairs I can’t even speak. It’s really fucked up & im getting blood work done soon, and that’s the scary part of it all. I lost my most weight when I was pre diabetes and I’m scared I’ll be there yet again....

So, I’m trying again! And shit I know my track rate on here hasn’t been that great but... here we go again.

Day 1: complete.

#eat log #tw eating stuff #weight log #weight lost #losing weight #letsdoit #letsdothis #working #working out

[dietcoke-lemonplz]

Day 2 ~

Doing pretty good~ feeling alrighty with myself ;)

#annorexxa #annorexix #aneroxia #binge #binge eating #diet #dieting #goals #weight lost