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ninmnoi · 5 months

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— Stop, you’re losing me.

mingyu x reader || angst.

summary ; trying to save an already failing relationship is a lot harder when he forgets your birthday.

(not proof read lol)

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Its your birthday, you’ve never made a big deal about it tell you met him. You still remember his shocked face and loud “WHAT” when you told him you dont found your birthday a big deal, its just another day. Ever since then, he always celebrated your birthday in fun surprises and dinners. He made it so important and meaningful for you, and the big part of that is because you know he’ll be there.

So your nothing short of despair when its past 5pm and he hasnt once messaged you. It’d be another thing if he just didnt message happy birthday, you wouldve been okay with goodmoring.

You sigh putting your phone down, bitting your lip as your eyes water. It shouldnt be this serious, you’ve never even cared about your birthday before, so why dose it hurt so bad now?

Mingyu

That god damn Mingyu.

He used to be such a soft spoken soul, aiding to your needs as you do with him, those first few years of your relationship. He confessed to you in your own backward, he put his effort and time into it. You can even smell the flowers that lead to Mingyu, see the lights that brightened his soft smile, that swift hair and tall figure standing nervously fiddling with the bouquet in his hands. And who could forget the blush that tainted his face and ears, tears threatening to jump out after you said “yes.”

Now, your even lucky if he stays with you a whole day. Its always this or that driving him away. When he left your sisters engagement dinner because a friend of his needed help moving in, or when he canceled a date because he forgot a “really super duper important project” as he said. The nights he wouldnt call, the empty king bed. The second toothbrush that hasnt been moved in 2 weeks.

It drove you insane, but you still gave him the benefit of the doubt.

“Maybe he’s busy”

“Hes probably sleeping”

“God his phone must’ve died”

Your friends would yell at you over text, spamming you with the reality check you needed, but never could deposit. After pacing around the kitchen trying to ignore the cute cake you bought with a sad candle slowly sinking into it. You pick up your phone and call him.

Ring…

*click!*

Did he just hang up on you..?

No, he would have to be crazy.

You call again.

Same fucking thing, even quicker just 2 rings in.

You open his contact info, trying to see where his location would put him.

“No Location Found.” You curse, what is he hiding? Your mind leads to the one scenario you’ve been dreading, infidelity. The thought of him cheating makes you wanna throw up, but sadly its a most common event. You’re just so done with everything, putting the cake away into the fridge and changing clothes. Its now 6:42pm and with the major headache you have, you simply decided to sleep it off. Hugging the build-a-bear Mingyu bought you a year back, it muffles your sobs, soaking in the tears.

It’s cold and dark when your awaken by an extra weight adjusting it’s self onto the right side of the bed. You recognize it all to well. Mingyu pulls the covers over himself, giving you a small peck on the tip of your ear.

“You’re home” you say, your drowsy and hurt voice clear.

“Yeah- im sorry im so late” he whispers to you

“There's cake in the fridge”

“Cake? For what”

You sigh, “My birthday”

You can hear his breathe hitch.

“Fuck- Baby im so sorry. I didnt mean to forget. I was just so bus-.”

You sit up.

“Busy,? from what? So busy you couldnt even text? Because clearly it wouldnt have taken as much time as hanging up on me and turning off your location did. So if ‘busy’ is some new slang for ignoring then that makes way more sense.”

“I didnt even know you called, i swear. My location should be on babe.. I” He mumbles on

“Then whos hanging up on me? Making sure i dont know where your at? Is she fun?”

Mingyu’s eyes widen

“What are you talking about?”

“Her, you know.. Is she attractive? What is it huh? Skinner than me? Or maybe blonder? Or is because you dont need to be responsible for her?

“Baby no, its none of that.” He grabs your shoulders.

“I love you, calm down”

“How can i?” You exclaim, jumping off the bed.

“You missed my birthday! I waited for you like some stupid dog! I felt so stupid.”

“I dont understand, birthdays were never that big of a deal for you”

“They werent until you made it a problem! Now look at me” you say, the tear stained face and puffy cheeks evident.

Mingyu gets up, walking over to you.

“I know ive been distant, let me make it up to you”

“Where were you tonight?”

He stays quiet for a moment, taking a deep breathe

“My friend he uh… invited me to a club” he quietly says.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Okay..?”

“Mingyu, get out”

“What?” His heart drops.

“Get out! Did the club music deafen you?? I want you gone” You yell, tears streaming down your face as you push him out. Though you have little to no affect of moving his body, it makes it all the more depressing.

“Okay…Okay..” He quietly says, grabbing his phone off the dresser. Looking down at you with remorseful eyes. His heart aching at the messed up state your in. And its because of him, god.

You slam the door behind him, locking it. You sigh before faintly walking back to your bed.

And theres your build-a-bear, ready to be hugged and to soak all your tears again.

Atleast, that comforts you.

#xreader #mingyu #oneshot #angst #mingyu x reader #seventeen #seventeen x reader #mingyu smut

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watatsumiis · 1 year

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Stealing Clothes!!

Been getting rid of some old clothes today and now I've got Genshin fluff on the brain, so have some silly headcanons below the cut about 'borrowing' clothes from some of my faves!

Characters: Ayato, Capitano, Childe, Dottore, Lisa, Pantalone, Pierro, Thoma, Yae Miko, Zhongli

Content: Gender neutral reader, platonic relationships with the characters (though could potentially be read as a little romantic knowing me), Pantalone refers to the reader as 'dear', reader has a shorter/smaller body type than the mentioned characters (simply because I do and that's how I project with my writing - if you'd like an alternate version, feel free to let me know and I'll do what I can :D

Word count: ~1,740

I've always found something really comforting about borrowing clothes from others so this will definitely be a self indulgent drabble about that!

Ayato's coat would be the perfect article to steal - he takes it off during long meetings and when he's training, leaving it neatly folded off to the side, just begging for you to steal it. It's long and the sleeves border on inconvenient, but it's made of a soft, cool material and smells like a mix of Ayato's perfumes and whatever Thoma uses to wash it. He'd be so sweetly surprised when he comes back to retrieve his coat, only for you to be wrapped up in it - his eyebrows would go up in that cutely shocked way as he stares for a few moments - you worry you're about to get scolded, but he quickly breaks into a warm smile and narrows his eyes as he leans down to button it up for you. "If you were getting cold, you could have just let me know, I would've been more than happy to send somebody to fetch you a coat."

Capitano is usually wearing some form of armour - it's like a safe shell for him to hide away in, he's like a big turtle. The rare times he's not, he layers himself up with sweaters and the like. In timelines where he's not just a possessed suit of armour, he rarely takes his helmet off, but when he does is the perfect opportunity to strike. It's heavy and cold, weighing you down awkwardly - it's overall not very pleasant to wear and you can't understand how he manages to see out of this thing, let alone fight in it. He'd furrow his brow as he spots you wearing it for the first time - he has kind of mixed feelings about his helmet, and seeing you willingly put it on, seemingly just for fun, baffles him a little. Secondary to the helmet, his sweaters and coats are always brilliant to steal - super comfy and cozy, made of really nice thick material that's still breathable. He's almost unnaturally stocky so even his tighter-fitting clothing would hang off your frame, making it all the more pleasant. He always seems a little confused, but not upset - if stealing his clothes is what makes you happy, by all means, go ahead.

Childe's scarf is a nice boon - it's so easy just to tug it off while he's walking by you or distracted with something. It's tattered, but super duper soft and cosy. It probably doesn't get washed as often as it should, but it's really nice, especially on cool days. The length means you can wrap it around your neck several times and nuzzle into it! So snug! Childe gets really confused the first few times, incessantly prodding and asking you why you stole it - it's a pretty sentimental item to him, but you two are close, so he supposes you can wear it... for now. Sometimes he may just adjust his scarf and offer one end to you - its length means you can both wear it at the same time as long as you're walking side-by-side! Eventually it'd just become a normal thing between you two, and you might find him borrowing some of your clothes or accessories in exchange.

Dottore has a myriad of interesting accessories and the like to borrow. That weird bird cloak thing is a definite candidate for stealing, it seems cool and fun, his mask too. Sadly he doesn't often take anything off or leave it laying around, even when he's just running around his lab, and if you try to 'steal' anything he sets down, you quickly find it snatched back and either put back on or put away - not because he doesn't want you to have it, he just doesn't seem to realise that's what you're aiming for. Stealing one of his lab coats, however, is easy peasy! Just a simple task of finding one hanging up in a closet somewhere and ta-da! Now you look like a real, bona fide mad scientist! Dottore's double take as he sees you walking around in the coat (so long it's almost dresslike on you) is almost comedic, he frowns behind his mask and tilts his head to the side like a curious bird. "What are you doing that for?" Will be his first question, soon to be followed by about a million more as he tries to figure out exactly what compelled you to wear his clothes specifically. There are also tons of weird/interesting things to fidget with in the pockets.

Lisa's hat is both stylish and comfortable. She occasionally takes it off just to fix up her hair, so that's always the best opportunity to snatch it away and put it on, especially on a nice sunny day, it protects your face and eyes from the sunlight. She probably thinks it's super cute and after the first time, she may take her hat off around you a little more often in hopes of goading you into 'borrowing' it again. She'll make sure it's sitting at just the right angle, cooing and fussing at how sweet you look, how she might just get you a similar hat for your next birthday!

Pantalone wears so much nice clothing, so many fancy expensive accessories and jewelry, it's hard to decide what you want to take! When he's in his own space, he tends to just leave things laying around - someone else can clean them up (unless you get there first of course!). Trying on his jewelry is quite fun, he has some really nice necklaces and earrings and rings (though the rings don't often come off, nor do the gloves). If he catches you, he smiles smugly and asks if you'd like your own replica of whatever it is you've been caught in. His dress shirts are also really, really nice - they're made of the finest fabric and are so extremely comfortable - they smell like expensive perfumes too. If you get caught in one of those, Pantalone gets pretty confused/almost flustered, and may offer to go fetch you a clean one. "Come now, dear, you don't want that one, I wore it for hours yesterday! It's filthy!" It is not filthy in the slightest. All he did yesterday was sit in his office. Though he breaks into a smug little grin as he realises that you specifically chose one he wore because that provides more comfort to you. He might tease you for that later, but for now, he's perfectly content to allow you to keep wearing it.

Pierro probably wears a lot of heavy cloaks and coats. They're absolutely brilliant to steal if you get the chance. If you see an opening, take it quick, Pierro will probably put his coat back on or fold it up and toss it over his arm or give it to a subordinate within moments. He gives you this absolutely baffled look as you snatch up his discarded cloak, exchanging a confused glance with the person he was about to hand it off to as he waits to see what you'll do with it. He gives you this analysing kind of look as you wrap it around your shoulders, snuggling your face into the soft, fur-lined collar. As you blink at him all innocently, he softens, just a little. His shoulders slump in acceptance as he shakes his head good-naturedly. It seems harmless enough.

Thoma is more than happy to share his clothing, he absolutely revels in it. If it gets even slightly chilly, he'll offer his jacket, even if you're already wearing a coat or something. It's super comfy, and he seems to like the fact that he was able to help you out (even if he's now getting cold). His dog tags are also an item of interest, but he never ever seems to take them off, so there's not really an opening there. The headband, however, he takes off every now and then just to mop the sweat off of his brow or fix up his hair - it's comfy and keeps your hair out of your eyes, and his happy laugh when he sees you wearing it is so sweet and genuine that you can't help but grin along with him!

Yae Miko doesn't really wear enough clothing for you to be able to steal (much to your chagrin). However, if you're very lucky, she may take off her headdress while you're around as she combs through her hair. The look she gives you as she sets the accessory down is almost expectant - she knows of your affinity for borrowing wearables from others, if anything this is her testing just how much you like her (she already knows you're going to take it though, of course she does). It's heavy and kind of awkward to put on yourself, and Miko definitely chuckles in amusement as she strides over to you, tapping the top of your head in a non-verbal instruction for you to tilt your head down so she can help you put it on as she makes a teasing comment. "You must truly look up to me to go so far as to want to dress up as me, hm?"

Zhongli. Coat. It's the coat, that's his signature accessory and he rarely ever takes it off. It's of gorgeous make and quality, and if you get the opportunity, you grab it right away and you RUN, this chance may never come again (/j). It's almost silky in texture and super comfy and cozy. There's a few inside pockets that he keeps things in (more along the lines of pens and notes and the like - there's no mora pouch to be found). He's more than happy to allow you to wear his coat (he would've let you borrow it earlier if he'd known how much you'd been eyeing it off), he's a little endeared by the sight, and will help you roll up the sleeves and do up the buttons, all the while going into one of his signature spiels, this time about some old folk tale surrounding energy and memories lingering in hand-me-down clothes. He runs his hands over your shoulders to smooth out the crinkled top of the coat and smiles warmly at you and delights in your quirks that are so sweetly human in nature.

This got a little longer/ramblier than I was anticipating, oops-- as always, feel free to add on or send requests/ideas! I'm not sure how good/accessible this post length is to some people, so if there's any feedback on that please feel free to let me know, I might start splitting it up into individual characters and just do a series instead?

Please don't copy, steal, repost or otherwise plagarise my work!

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joys-of-everyday · 8 months

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SJ and the Pitfalls of Toxic Masculinity

Liking women wasn’t shameful in the least, but treating a woman as your savior, shrinking into her embrace in search of self-confidence—Shen Qingqiu needed no one to tell him how incredibly shameful that was. So he would rather die than tell anyone, particularly not Yue Qingyuan.

- Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu Extra

Hot take: og!SQQ had toxic ideas about masculinity, and it ruined him.

SVSSS is all about the ✨Toxic Masculinity✨ but this seems to be more associated with SY than SJ??? So yeah, lets talk about SJ (my poor meow meow).

There’s actually some subtlety here, because talking about SJ and masculinity naturally involves an interplay between historical and modern views on masculinity in China, which is something that has developed over time and has influences from other cultures (e.g. the west and our views on masculinity). (Interesting thing if you haven't already come across it) I am… not qualified to read the subtleties here.

To note, SJ is coded as masculine… sort of. He’s the head of the scholarly peak, a master of the Four Arts, which is one facet of ideal masculinity in traditional Chinese values. (Fluttering a fan around was very gentleman-like. Although also, expressing your emotions through poetry and copious amounts of tears was very masculine back in the day. 'Traditional masculinity' has and always will be an elusive ideal.) But I get the feeling nowadays ‘scholarly’ has more feminine connotations than ‘martial’, albeit a slightly weaker one than in the west. Also, on the topic of toxic masculinity, certain groups of people Who Shall Not Be Named would like you to believe that Real Chinese Men are stoic warriors and ‘gayness is a western thing’ (my rage is unreal but we will not talk about that).

Anyway, broad strokes, broad strokes.

Arrogance and Insecurity

A big part of toxic masculinity is a need for social recognition, to be the ‘alpha male’ (not an ABO pun and on a side note I literally cannot take anyone talking about alpha males seriously now, for many reasons, but this is the funniest).

SJ is obsessed with his cultivation, but more pertinently, he is obsessed with his reputation. He demonstrates this in a few ways. Firstly, he works his ass off, which is not bad in itself, but he does this to the extent it is detrimental to his health (that grindset lol). Secondly, he projects a certain image with his actions and mannerisms: reading in order to seem intelligent, looking down at people to seem superior etc. Thirdly, he responds to any perceived slights of his ability with violence. (Fighting with LQG is an example, but also drawing a sword on SQH when he pointed out that he was reading an upside-down book.)

Now interestingly, the unanimous vibe that Cang Qiong seem to get from SQQ is that he is ‘arrogant’. When in truth, all of this is compensating for his insecurity.

Shen Qingqiu was overly suspicious, always feeling as if everyone was talking behind his back about how he was still incapable of forming a core, didn’t accept his position, wanted to sabotage him in secret, and so on and so forth.

- Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu Extra

Sadly, SJ is justified in being afraid of other people’s opinion. His comfort and security rely entirely on his status, which in turn rely on other people’s opinion of his competence. Of course he wants to get to the top – he’s been under other people’s power before, and suffered terribly as a result. Why should he not desperately defend what he has worked so hard for? Yet ultimately it works against him, because when he’s in serious trouble, he hasn’t been able to build the human connections he needs to get help.

The problem is with the system. The idea that having strength allows you to do whatever you want hurts not only the people regarded as inferior, but also creates a collective sense of anxiety for those who find themselves ‘at the top’. Anyone can be kicked down and treated like scum. Everyone is afraid.

Dominance and Bullying

The phrase ‘toxic masculinity is fragile’ quite often, but to elaborate, these kinds of rigid ideas of masculinity are by nature constantly under threat. Because any crack in the perfect shell is regarded as failure, it requires constant, aggressive maintenance, which takes the form of bullying the weak in order to elevate oneself.

SJ’s treatment of LBH is complicated, but here I want to draw attention to a different character – Ming Fan.

SQQ (SY) would have you know that MF is not a bad kid, other than the fact he’s a huge bully to LBH. And in part that comes from jealousy of NYY’s crush on him, but what allows it to happen is the way SJ runs the peak. It's interesting to note that so much of SJ's bullying of LBH happens through MF, whether it be giving him the faulty cultivation manual, giving him chores or physically assaulting him. In doing this, SJ creates a system that firmly establishes himself at the top, likely in order to give himself some semblance of security.

But ironically, this is the very system that SJ has suffered under his entire life, recreated to it's extreme on the peak that he controls. When he was completely under the power of others (QJL, LBH) he suffered. When other people were under his power, he inflicted suffering. He encouraged other people to do the same. Again, the whole thing is a scam! He is putting all of his energy into things that aren't helping him, things that ultimately bring him down.

Real Men Don’t Cry – the Dangers of Emotional Repression

SJ has many, very justifiable reasons in life to be upset and angry. The things he went through are both terrible and extremely unfair. Being angry at everything is not a healthy outlet for these feelings, but he hasn’t exactly been taught an alternative either. On the streets, tears would have gotten him absolutely nothing. Anger at least gave him energy to fight back.

And this destroys him. He is angry at the fact he had no one in his life who loved him, his talents were wasted because of QJL/WYZ, nobody takes his abilities seriously… and with no healthy way of expressing this, he goes onto bully LBH. LBH then returns to destroy him, literally. More subtly, he is unable to express his fear and anxiety in healthy ways, so acts standoff-ish and aggressive to his those around him. As his relationship with them deteriorates, his fear and anxiety increases. Feedback loops.

SJ puts on a mask of anger and stoicism to the point that everyone around him (including himself) is convinced that he is unrepentant and evil. Suppresses and suppresses until it breaks him, until he has nothing – not his comfort, nor status, nor the one that he truly cared for:

He had single-handedly facilitated Luo Binghe’s today, and now who had single-handedly created this outcome for him? Yue Qingyuan was never supposed to have an end like this. In order to come to a decades-late appointment, to fulfill a completely useless promise. A broken sword and a dead man. It shouldn’t be like this.

A Note on Ambivalent Sexism

It’s funny because I think there’s a fandom vibe that SJ was the secret feminist of SVSSS. Don’t get me wrong, I love this in fanfics. Badass feminist SJ all the way. But my honest opinion is that I don’t think that was the case.

More explicitly, I don’t think SJ took women seriously. NYY, for example. Certainly, SJ valued NYY. But the expression of this care involved doting on her, hiding his treatment of LBH from her, and not particularly pushing her to grow. And PIDW!NYY wasn’t implied to be the most mature of the lot. Okay, while we don’t know a lot about PIDW!NYY (narrator unreliable), it’s probably safe to say some distance from SJ helped her a lot.

Another point – the Qiu massacre. SJ killed the men, but not the women. And while this says more about his distaste for men, it also indicates (possibly - I will float this idea but I won't die on this hill) that he straight up doesn’t see any woman as an enemy, or capable of being a threat. Which is possibly a natural conclusion he’s drawn from his experiences (QHT was not very perceptive, or very threatening) but also inaccurate as a worldview.

And his attitude towards the women he sees as saviours? Has the same vibe as ‘it’s so embarrassing to be protected by a girl’.

Okay, so being doted on and not being killed are positives compared to being abused or murdered, but this kind of attitude is the opposite side of the same coin to ‘women are incompetent and inferior’. And when it comes to raising kids, not allowing them to grow can be extremely harmful as well. See e.g. Ambivalent sexism.

Although I do want to mention that I do not think SJ was like… actively misogynistic. I think he genuinely liked women more than men. The point is you can be sexist without realising it.

Conclusions

To conclude, SJ had ideas of success and self-worth associated with toxic masculinity which were instrumental in his downfall.

Masculinity doesn’t have to be toxic. While the Cang Qiong family aren’t exactly the healthiest bunch, YQY’s calm and patient leadership, LQG’s steadfast loyalty, LBH’s ability to cry like a maiden and still be the strongest… these are all traditionally masculine traits that can be very positive. These are also people who can have feminine traits and explore their gender identity without being prissy or weak.

It's the great tragedy of SJ that he had many positive characteristics. He was talented, intelligent, articulate, perceptive, loyal, and caring… under the right circumstances, he could have grown into a great person.

And maybe he still had that chance, right until the end.

#svsss #shen jiu #original shen qingqiu #svsss meta #having said i would disappear i have things to dislodge from my drafts

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joshusten · 8 months

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bitter melon (guy/honey, redacted audios)

Honey got stood up on a date and Guy tried to save their night.

(pre-relationship, hurt/comfort, jealousy (hohohoho), slight misunderstanding, conflict between characters, making up, fluff) 4.6k+ words [ao3 link] [masterlist]

[cw/notes: insecurities, self-depreciating thoughts and a lil breakdown im sorry honey has some issues over here (projecting moment?), NOT PROOFREAD as always LMAOO

ALSO sadly guy isnt as silly (maybe really ooc) as he is most of the fic because he has Internal Conflict + i tried to make honey’s outfit and appearance as ambiguous as possible but i’m not sure how well i did with that ;---; so just keep that in mind! Idk how to feel about this fic ! i love it and i hate it LMAO]

"Oooh, what's got you all dressed up, roomie?"

It was the weekend—Kayla had just been picked up by her boyfriend, which had Guy realizing he and his favorite roommate had the place all to themselves for a few hours. As far as he recalled, he was off from work, and they hadn’t mentioned any errands to him for today. Perfect!

Guy had a bounce in his step as he arrived by the entrance to the room at the leftmost side of their shared apartment. He rapidly knocked at the door with a giddy “Hello?”, eagerly waiting for the response that he knew would always come.

Hm, which game should they play this time? Smash was always an option but he wouldn’t mind trying something new with them. They could even watch some random YouTube documentary again like they did last time. Or maybe he can finally muster up the courage to ask them if they want to hang out somewhere outside the apartment that isn’t for laundry or groceries.

He smiled to himself. Yeah, I’d like that. They can go to that new arcade that opened up nearby!

Before Guy can daydream more of sharing smiles in photo booths and frustratingly rigged crane games, the door opens to reveal the subject of his reverie, clad in clothing and accessories flashier than what they would typically wear. He got a whiff of a pleasant fragrance too and he realized that they must have put on a perfume of some kind.

Woah.

They looked…amazing. They've always looked amazing. He had thought that about his grumpy companion even before the pair got close. But, seeing them in anything other than their usual casualwear or pajamas was definitely a surprise.

The teasing amount of skin they had exposed didn’t go unnoticed by him, as well.

His roommate, by all means, was no prude. They even had their fair share of comebacks more vulgar than his flirts when they banter (Those particular interactions definitely do not keep him up at night, blushing and wide-eyed while he stares at the ceiling. Nope. Never.) This side of them, however, was something he’d never seen before until now. This side of how they present themselves with such boldness was new and he didn’t mind it at all.

The outfit looked good on them. Too good. A seductive dark top that very much complemented the tone of their skin, unbuttoned dangerously low enough to reveal the expanse of their collarbone that was adorned by a simple necklace.

Their shoes gave them more height too, slightly towering over Guy more than they already did before and forcing him to tilt his head up a little for their eyes to meet. The dizzying scent of their cologne paired with those pants that hugged their figure just right had his mind reeling. It was mortifying—how they had him in such a daze so easily.

Fuck.

Guy gulped nervously.

“You going out tonight with friends o–or something?” he frantically adds, suddenly aware of how much he was probably staring amidst his very appropriate train of thought about the person before him. Admittedly, the man was a little bummed that his plans to take them out first (Platonically, of course. How else would it be?) were off the table, though his interest had been piqued by what they were up to being dressed like that.

"Oh, uhm, no. I mean, yeah? Kinda? I'm…" They looked hesitant and a little…embarrassed? Well if it's something they don't want to share then he didn’t mind. Despite how much of a menace he is (with his roommate never failing to lovingly remind him of this), Guy wouldn’t want to force anything out of them, especially if it got them so uncharacteristically timid. He tends to forget such social cues, but he actively tries to improve and avoid being so pushy.

As he was about to reassure them that it was okay to not respond, they replied with a bashfulness that was unlikely of them, “I’m…going on a date.”

A date? With someone else? Romantically? He felt his grip on the door frame tighten, and a sharp pang shot through his heart, silencing his buzzing mind for a split second before managing to fake a curious smile.

“Oh? Who are they? Do I know them?” He liked to think he inquired them out of politeness, like a nosey friend pestering someone about their crush, but the thought of his roommate being alone with someone for the night leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He had the need to asses this person, and determine if they really were worthy of their time—of them—for reasons he isn’t really sure of, it just felt like instinct.

Guy internally cringed. What the fuck does that mean? Why the hell is he thinking like this? Protective! He’s being protective, of course. Any friend would want to protect their friend with things like these! A love life is a huge factor in someone’s happiness after all, right? So he, as a friend, can definitely be wary if someone could be a potential risk of heartbreak for their friend.

Okay, if he thinks of the word ‘friend’ one more time he might actually lose it.

He needed a cold shower. Yeah! He just needs a nice cold shower to shock his brain and stop the weirdest fucking thoughts from ever forming, especially thoughts concerning his roommate that’s currently driving him crazy in every way possible.

“Ah, no, I don’t think so. He’s from my class.” They shrugged, looking to the side awkwardly. “I dont know, he just asked me out yesterday and I figured, ‘Why not?’”

Guy hands began to twitch involuntarily as his roommate smiled at themself, oblivious to the spiral that he was having. "My friends kept on saying I should try letting loose and going out more so I guess it’s about time.”

“Oh, uh, hope you enjoy, then.” God, he feels light-headed.

“Well, isn’t this a first. What, no witty remark? No innuendo about me finally ‘getting some’?” Guy fought the urge to grimace. Somehow those jokes would do nothing but sour his mood even more instead.

“Hey,” The man started, struggling to keep his voice steady. “Can’t I wish a friend good luck on their date?” Friend. The word felt worse and worse the more it festered in his mind. Yeah, that’s what they were. What they’ll ever be. Nothing more.

“Pfft, whatever, man.” The smirk grew wider on their lips. They seem really excited and he shamefully thinks it might make him vomit at how eager they are for this date. He should support them, right? Guy can see how his roommate tends to keep to themself most of the time, especially when Kayla’s with them. So seeing them go out of their comfort zone should have been a relief. He should be happy for them.

Whenever Guy was with them, being happy was easy. So why was he having such a hard time now?

Their grin dropped when they glanced at their watch with widened eyes. “Oh shit, I think I need to go.”

They opened their bedroom door and lifted up their arms from the side in a way to reveal more of what they were wearing. “How do I look?”

Yup, feeling dizzy again. Remember to breathe, Guy.

“Uh, yeah, y–you look great! Really.” Guy put on a strained smile. “Have fun, just don’t miss me too much, though. Might be unbecoming for your date.” He prays to god they don’t notice how his voice wavered at the end.

They rolled their eyes with a familiar chuckle that usually follows whenever he makes a joke, “Pfft, whatever.”

Waving him goodbye as they rush to the exit. “Don’t wait for me when you’re gonna eat dinner, by the way. I might be home late!” One last look on their watch had them walking faster. “Okaygottacatchthebusnowbye–!”

He heard the gentle click of the door shutting and the apartment felt lonelier than what he’s used to.

—

Tap, tap, tap.

“In old legends, tales long forgotten, the sea is often said to be unkind.

The sea’s temper is short, and his rage is felt through the angry swells of the water that eat sailors alive. His strength is tremendous, taking down the tallest of mountains and sinking whole countries with his surging claws. But most of all, his cruel waves do not discriminate, drowning both the wicked and the innocent altogether. He cares not for the last breath he takes from their lungs to fill with salt and water and death.

Despite his hostility, the sea yearns for the moon.

Whenever the moon came down to greet him like an old, treasured friend, the waters still. All is tranquil when the sky and the sea meet. The sea breeze is calm as the children play by the shore. The people were grateful, for the sea had fallen for the beauty in the sky.

But all good things never last.

The sea became selfish. He loathes the time when the moon eventually ascends to the abode of angels, their home. He loathes the loneliness that becomes of him when he can no longer feel the warmth of their glow. His loathing turns into wallowing in sorrow until he decides that he has had enough.

His calm waves suddenly grow with the intent to seize, to take, to keep the jewel of the night for himself. His desire for them to stay overflowed into his foolish actions that had done nothing but have the moon be victim to the harshness he had reserved for men.

The moon wept, and the sea received their tears. He had hurt them. He had hurt them in his act of love. They returned to the skies, burdened to carry the melancholy of a broken heart and the sea remains, afraid to cause more harm.

The moon never came down again.

His attempts to reconnect bear no fruit. A different kind of madness consumed him, wrapping around his very soul like how guilt wraps around the sinners. It’s God’s punishment, he deems, for his covetous ways. To chase for the sky but never touch the clouds, to stretch up to the heavens but never high enough.

He had realized that they could not be attained.

They will not come back for him.

Yet he continues to reach high above, hoping for the blessing of a god birthed by pity. To push his tides to the limit for a chance to be in the moon’s presence once more until the end of time.

It is all but a myth, ancient words that the people of the present cannot truly decipher, but all its messages share the same sentiment;

The sea is…”

“Hm.”

Tap, tap, tap.

“The sea is mysterious?”

“No, no, no…”

Tap, tap, tap.

“The sea is prideful?”

“Ugh, that doesn’t sound right either.”

Tap, tap, tap.

“The sea is spiteful?

Vitriolic?

Rancorous?”

The living room which was once filled with the constant stream of clicking laptop keys came to an abrupt halt. I give up. This whole ‘running away from your issues’ thing really isn’t working.

That same irritating pain still persisted. It was becoming less of an annoyance and more of a discomfort, aching to the point that Guy started to rub his chest a few times in an attempt to soothe it. What is up with me today? Even after the cold shower that he was sure would solve his current predicament, the feeling of unease still lingered.

He figured he might as well do the writing exercises that his professor had assigned a few days ago to distract himself yet it was of no help at all. In fact, it was just fueling the fire of these messy emotions that he had been feeling. His tired eyes closed, fingers circling his throbbing temples, as he racked his mind for something that would best fit the final line. I swear to god it’s at the tip of my tongue!

His mind snapped out of focus after hearing the noise of the door suddenly opening. He managed to haphazardly type a word to try out before it could escape his mind so that he could finally finish this troubling assignment that had opened more problems he had meant to solve.

The sound of heavy footsteps reached his ears and they burned, knowing full well who had just barged in. Speak of the devil. His roommate finally returned along with the sinking feeling in his ribs. They had gotten back from their date. Guy made sure to put on his most convincing smile.

“Hey, roomie! Back already? How was it?”

“Uh, yeah, hi.” They didn’t bother to look at him, ignoring his eager questions while they hastily set down the small bag they brought. Guy sees them navigate through the kitchen to fill up a glass of water and hungrily gulp it down. “I-is Kayla here?”

He frowned, shifting his body to face where they were in the kitchen. “Uh, no. She texted me that she was staying over with her boyfriend. Why?”

“Thank god.”

“Yeah, I know right? So, uh, how’s the date?”

No response came again, His roommate was seemingly distracted by whatever they were scrolling through on their phone but it was clear that they were purposely ignoring him.

“He-ey! I asked how the date was. Did something happen?” They were as timid as they were before. And like before, the unease in his gut grew.

“U-uhm, it was fine.” The man heard them murmur. Why were they so secretive? They seemed frazzled and they were doing that thing where they touched their cheeks to cover their face whenever they got warm because they were…flustered. Are they–? On that date, did they–? Did something happen like that between them and their date?

Unnoticed by his roommate, Guy’s eyes widened. The pain in his chest returned tenfold. This should’ve been a good thing. That means they had a great time. Why is he mad? Why does he get that sinking feeling? Why does he feel so spiteful about it?

“What, no juicy details? Oh, I get it. You’re keeping secrets from me! Not a kiss-and-tell typa person now, are we?”

Maybe it was stupid of him to prod, especially about the one thing that set this rollercoaster of confusing emotions in the first place. But he needs to know. What did they do? How was it? Did they like it— being with him instead of Guy?

They continued to ignore his lighthearted interrogations and Guy knew that he should’ve just dropped it at this point but something in him snapped all of a sudden. He isn’t sure if the agitation that built up had got to him but he couldn’t stop himself from blurting out his next words—harsher than intended.

“Hey, I'm not the selfish one over here who left me all alone inside at a weekend while they got to actually enjoy the night in some fancy restaurant or something. C’mon, spill!”

The lightness in his tone never left. In fact, to anyone else, it would’ve sounded like his usual playful nagging Both of them, however, noticed the shift in the direction of their conversation. (Since when was he one to provoke someone?) He’ll blame it on being in the heat of the moment for now. They understand he was just curious like that, right? All he was sure of was that he needed to know what happened. Why is he mad? Stop being mad. They didn’t do anything wrong.

He noticed their flinch far too late.

“I got stood up, Guy. Was that what you wanted to hear? Because, god forbid, I get to actually go out and do shit for myself!” The acidity of the way they said his name sent chills up to his spine. Their voice was eerily still, its coldness made Guy’s blood freeze. “Because I’m such a selfish asshole to enjoy things for once, right?”

“Oh.”

Oh fuck. He fucked up.

“Yeah, oh,” A dry chuckle left their quivering lips. “Can’t believe I fucking thought he would actually show up. Thought somebody wasn’t fucking around with me for once and I–” They abruptly stood up. The harsh scrape of the chair puts the whole room into an uncomfortable silence.

They weren’t flustered from the date, they were embarrassed. Humiliated. They had probably been waiting for that douchebag to show up only to receive false hope and pitying glances. And he just had to add insult to injury by being when he clearly should’ve just listened, should’ve stopped, should’ve comforted them. He can finally see the tears that began to stream down their face.

“It’s whatever. I’ll be in my room.”

“Fuck, I–I’m sorry. I didn’t know that he–”

But they had already slammed their bedroom door with a force that shook the place. Guy stayed sitting on the couch, all alone once more. Great, you just had to be a dick because of your stupid fucking…feelings about the thought of them spending their time with someone else!

He’s pathetic.

Here he was brooding over his roommate going out on a date only for whoever that moron was to throw away the fucking chance to spend time with them. But maybe he’s the bigger moron in this case. The guilt seeped into his bones and he felt them ache. What is going on with him? He was supposed to be there for them. To be a decent friend. But now, he just ruined their already shitty night more.

Truly pathetic.

His eyes darted to the last line he had typed on his laptop and he held his breath.

"The sea is a jealous being."

The lump in his throat became harder to swallow. He needs to make it up to them.

—

This is stupid. This is fucking stupid.

They should have never gone with it. They should have never accepted that asshole’s offer in the first place.

The faint sounds of an old TV series played from their phone, which had long been abandoned within patterned sheets, accompanied the figure that was currently trembling under the blankets. Stuttering, hiccuped gasps filled the room with a suffocating gloom. They think their hoarse throat couldn’t handle another broken sob to let out, having already cried every single last drop of their wallow out hours ago, their hot cheeks sticky from its tears.

It wasn’t like this was the first time something involving relationships didn’t work out with them. They were used to it. They should be used to it—being left out, avoided, and unwanted. (It’s just a stupid date, it wasn’t even meant to be serious. Why are you making it a big deal? Why are you so affected?)

Why are they so affected by this? What made them think they were all-so-suddenly desirable to someone? Why did they even think they had a shot at all this lovey-dovey shit in the first place?

Stupid, stupid, stupid. They’re shit with expressing their emotions and even shittier with dealing with them. Their outburst a while ago was a testament to that, shouting at Guy when he didn’t know any better. Maybe everything tonight was doomed from the start, then. They should’ve expected the hurt. Heartbreak was far from being a stranger to them at this point.

A tired groan came out of them again.

Tired. They’re so tired.

Hungry rumbles erupted from their stomach. Damn it. Thanks to their ‘date’, they weren’t able to eat. Fuck it. Waiting out until Guy’s in bed and sneaking out of their room to eat would probably be the best option. For now, they stay bundled in their bed—thoughts spiraling, head pounding, eyes swollen, and a heavy heart waiting for its pieces to be picked up again.

Then they’ll sleep it off like always. And then they’ll confront him about it, play it off like it’s another bad day so he’ll stop worrying because they know he will. Everything’s back to normal— they’ll apologize for the overreaction, he’ll joke about it and everybody goes on with their lives again.

Yeah. That could work.

Knock, knock!

“Hello?”

What the–? Ugh. For the love of–

“Hello? Roomie? You there?”

When they wanted to confront the roommate that they snapped at, they didn’t mean right now!

“What do you want, Guy?”

“Can you come out, please? It’s…important.”

They finally stood up from their blanket cocoon, hastily wiping the tears from their eyes to try and ‘shoo’ their roommate away. The door swung open, ready to put on their whole grumpy facade again. “Guy, I’m not really in the mood for–”

“Good evening, prestige customer! Your dinner awaits.”

What.

“Wha-- How did– When did you–?” Not giving any mind to Guy’s abominable impersonation of a British accent nor the messy scrawls of black ink on paper that vaguely resembles a mustache taped to his mouth, their eyes wander around the living room, confused and curious.

The atmosphere was completely different from the bleak apartment they had been enduring for months. Multicolored lights that they usually use for the holidays hung around the area, providing the dim room with enough light to give a dreamy ambiance. The small foldable table set they had for eating was moved to the middle, covered in what they remembered to be Guy’s freshly cleaned checkered blanket that they had just picked up from the laundry when they were doing errands.

On the table were some scented candles in mismatched glass containers, and two servings of a dish they couldn’t recognize. They even noticed faint jazzy music playing in the background to imitate the mood of a pretentiously lavish restaurant.

Overall, the decor clashed together horribly, yet despite that, they’d never seen the apartment so charming. The improvised set-up looks endearingly…cozy.

“Come, let me guide you to your table,” Guy, err, the waiter, dressed in a white longsleeved button-up and apron, led them to the center, pulling out a chair and tucking the napkin he had around the collar of their shirt. The man directed their attention to the ceramics containing what seemed to be their dinner this evening.

“Our main course that the chef has prepared for tonight is a creative twist of a classic European dish composed of a rich tomato-based sauce paired with a unique and innovative pasta shell shape, garnished with traditional Italian herbs and spices.” “Guy, that’s a bowl of SpagetthiOs with some dried basil sprinkled on top,”

“Shush! Don’t ruin the immersion. And I am not Guy! I’m a waiter! Ahem!” The totally legitimate server who is not their roommate coughed very un-fakely, before composing himself in a more very real professional stance (then again, that might actually be real, seeing that he also serves the tables at Max’s when he’s not out delivering).

“I believe your date has returned. A very dashing fellow if I do say so myself, consider yourself lucky!” Guy suddenly ducked down out of view (though they could very much see him all the same) removing the mustache and button-up to reveal a shirt with a tacky tuxedo print on it.

He stood up, fixed a few strands of his hair that stuck up from his sudden movement, and looked at the person in front of him with a beaming expression.

“Hey, honey! Just got back from the restroom. Wow! The food looks amazing!”

All ‘Honey’ could do was stare dumbfoundedly before covering their smiling mouth with a trembling hand. A small chuckle became a bemused giggle until eventually they were full-on belly-laughing.

“H-Honey? Really? Where did you even get that from? And what the hell are you w-wearing?” Their voice shook, unable to contain any semblance of composure. This whole situation felt like it was pulled straight from a rom-com.

Guy laughed with them as he sat down to his side of the table. “Oh, so you like it? The nickname…came to me naturally. Feel like it suits you a lot, seeing how sweet you are to me, right?”

Honey, huh? They wouldn’t mind him calling them that.

“Also, I don’t know what you’re talking about! I think I look the most classy I’ll ever be!”

“Well, I’m underdressed then.” Their laughter had died down, slowly processing everything going on, well, it made them want to cry. All of this, for them? It’s too much trouble to go through.

“Nah, you’re fine! And besides, you look pretty all the time—which by the way, is absolutely not fair! I’m supposed to be the hot roommate here!” He declared with a mock offended tone as he sassily put his hands on his hips. Honey hoped he wouldn’t notice how their cheeks burned at how casually he called them ‘pretty’, like it was second nature.

“Then again, I wouldn’t mind if you underdress some more, ehh–”

It was his comfortingly familiar lewd quips, something they didn’t realize they missed hearing, yet why did their eyes water instead? The sobs that they weren’t aware they had been keeping in broke their dam again. Their cheeks must’ve grown tired from their crying all night, but this time, these weren’t tears for some dickhead that ditched them.

The abrupt stop of laughter and panicked sputtering from Guy after hearing their croaky sniveling would have had Honey laughing if they weren’t already struggling to breathe from their convulsive crying. “Oh, fuck! Uh, okay, sorry! I’m sorry! Bad timing! I shouldn’t have joked–”

“No, no, Guy, I’m sorry I–” They let out a shaky breath. “Wh–why did you go through all the trouble for me? I-I snapped at you and I don’t–,” hands wildly gestured around their surroundings. “–deserve all of this! I don’t– I’m so sorry I–”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize. You deserve this, okay? If someone like Kayla gets to share a night with her boyfriend then you, out of all people, deserve to spend your weekend having a great time and I won’t let some jerk ruin that for you,” He looked at Honey in the eyes with a sincerity that involuntarily made them shiver.

It’s not often that Guy was this serious with them. It was only reserved for moments when it was late at night and their teasing and gossip turned into deeper talks about anything and everything. They forgot how intense the look in his pretty eyes could get, how it felt like he saw through them, through their very being.

“I’m…one of those jerks, too. I really shouldn’t have said those words to you. You’re not selfish or an asshole. Your date was the asshole for not showing up and that’s a reflection on him rather than yourself. I just sprouted out those stupid things because I was just…bitter that you had your own plans when I really didn’t have the right to be.” Among other things. He decided not to bring up the other messy emotional stuff in his head. It’s not what they need to hear right now. “I’m really sorry for pushing you. I…really hope that you can forgive me but I would understand if you won’t.”

“I forgive you, Guy. Thank you for… for all of this. It really means a lot.”

They shared a tender smile as they continued their chatting with their dinner. By the time they cleaned the dishes and put everything back in its original place, the pair plopped down on the soft cushions of their sofa. Guy shifted himself into a better position to face Honey.

“I’m surprisingly still not sleepy. What else do you wanna do for tonight?”

“Hm…Smash?”

“Honey! How scandalous! Take me out to dinner first! Oh, well technically, I already did, so I guess your wish is my command after all—Ow!”

“I meant the game, you freak!” --- THIS FIC TOOK SOOOOO LONG i was so close to giving it up BUT WE'RE HERE EYYYY also this was suppose to have a bonus scene but ehhhh idk where i was going with it rlly rlly hope you enjoyed ;--; i'm still not rlly happy with how i wrote this but there are some parts that i rlly like so i decided to post it HAHAHAHA feel free to give me feedback :DD and have a nc day/night!!

#redacted audio #redacted guy #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted honey #redacted fanfic #sten writes!#FINALLYYYYY #LIKE THIS TOOK SO LONG ITS NOT FUNNYYY #literally ruined my sleep sched BUT EYYY #i like the guy writing assignment part nyeheheh #haha get the title...bitter melon bc guy's bitter and green (with jealousy) hahahahha #thinking up the title took so long also i just thought that the word melon looks cute

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shychick-52 · 9 months

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Gyro has really had a huge impact on a lot of people's lives in DuckTales. And sadly, he was so overlooked (by both the characters and the production crew)...

If it hadn't been for his OxyChew supplying Della with oxygen, nutrition, and water, she never would have survived to make it back to her family; the Ducks really owe him a huge debt of gratitude. It honestly bothers me how ungrateful Della was; I mean, I get how horrible it must've been to suffer the taste of black licorice for a decade (and to have the taste permanently stuck in your mouth after that), but c'mon...

In 'The Most Dangerous Game... Night', if Gyro hadn't shown up with his shrink ray and interfered in the Ducks' game night, Louie- who was questioning how he fit into the family- might not have discovered his talent of seeing all the angles, and how that contributes to the family on their adventures, and how he could use that talent to someday have his own successful business like Scrooge.

If Gyro hadn't created the armor in the first place (before it became the Gizmoduck armor, back when it was still known as Project Blatherskite and was supposed to be Gyro's ultimate project and solution to regain control over his inventions after they always turn evil), Fenton never would have discovered that his passion for helping others- which he still always loved doing as a scientist, even after becoming Gizmoduck- could also extend to being a superhero. And Gyro actually gave him the new-and-improved model of the armor in the end, which he specifically built for Fenton (self-contained, using Fenton's brain as the core processor this time); granted, that was on Scrooge's orders, and Gyro still thought Fenton was a danger to himself and others in the suit, but the point stands.

If Gyro and his technology hadn't helped Scrooge get back his gold Rockerduck stole (Gyro happened to be stuck in the Old West with his Time Tub, which was a fortunate coincidence), Scrooge wouldn't have gotten that part of his fortune or that part of his legacy.

Gyro took Manny on as an intern and gave him his own name- and yes, Frank Angones indeed confirmed he got his name from Gyro, which likely explains why Gyro actually remembers it- allowing our favorite Headless Man-Horse to become more of a normal guy with a normal life like he wanted, instead of just an evil supernatural creature or 'freak'.

Gyro played a huge part in helping disable the Solego Void before Donald could be erased when Bradford threw him in!

As @sometimes-they-come-back-237 pointed out in a very similar Gyro appreciation post (which I think is such a fun coincidence, and it's so cool more people agree), he saved both Della and Donald, and he deserves a raise (and more respect by Della)!

#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #dt17 #gyro gearloose #fenton crackshell cabrera #della duck #louie duck #manny the headless man horse #scrooge mcduck #donald duck #character analysis #I had this post scheduled to be reblogged with the new examples before I saw that other post XD

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hyper-berry · 3 months

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More sonic writing ideas!!! Sonic boom this time :)

1. Ive been into the like prince sonic idea so like what if when sonic was younger (around 7-8) he was a prince in a kingdom or whatever but ran away to get away from the responsibilities. He was mute during that time, it was only when he found bygone island and started living there that he learnt to talk. He fought eggman throughout the years and learnt to talk and all that jazz. He still remembers his past though. Eggman creates a weapon one day that causes the person hit to become their past self. Sonic gets hit and his past comes to show. He doesn’t remember anything of his future and is shocked to find himself out the kingdom. He sadly still is unable to talk though the others find his past surprising (obviously) as Sonic in the past seemed much more prince like or whatever.

2. More prince Sonic au grrrr. Just a quick oneshot idea. Sonic was just training with his sword casually but the others were shocked to see it, he seemed so elegant and smooth with his movements. They ask him about it the next day and he just shares a bit of his past. Something happens (idk) and the rest of his backstory comes to light.

3. Sonic is fed up with how the villagers treat him. He saves them everyday, and for what? Just for them to get mad at him for every little thing? He has an outburst mid battle after the villagers overhear him casually trash talking eggman mid battle. The villagers somehow find that extremely rude as they berate him. During the outburst Sonic tells the villagers that he has always held back during these battles, he could destroy the village quicker and worse that eggman could ever do. Stuff after that happens or whatever and Sonic becomes a villan.

4. Yk the episode where Sonic becomes Evil because of the mech suit? Eggman wants to take over the island, the closest he’s gotten to it was when the mech suit made Sonic evil so he wishes to recreate that. Using a machine he made, the same evil energy that caused the hedgehog to become dark that one time was blasted into him. Sonic was once again evil, though it was worse than last time. Completely wrecking everything in his path eggman regrets what he has done. Will they be able to stop Sonic? (Jsjsjsjs more evil Sonic)

5. (Ooh shadow now) needing a way to get Shadow on his team, Eggman looked through old files that his grandfather had. Seeing something named project shadow, eggman found out that he had a close relation to Maria. Enlisting Steve to help him. He tricked shadow with the shapeshifter. Sonic and the crew are fighting shadow, he doesn’t come to fight often. Though it’s always nice for the team to have a change. A blonde girl walks by with a blue dress. Asking nearby villagers if they know someone named shadow. The latter pauses as he sees her. He’s shocked and stuff and team Sonic is confused af on why he’s acting so soft around a human girl. But that’s how eggman tricked him and stuff but make it shadow angst idk.

That’s all I got for now, if anyone writes these ideas please like link em or tell me the name of em and stuff !! Luv yall n take a free tails!!

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic boom #shadow the hedgehog #maria robotnik #angst #sonic angst #villan sonic #shadow angst

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anthraxplus · 2 months

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happy 2 year anniversary to my beautiful child known as "bacillus anthracis and the melancholy of it all"

today genuinely snuck up on me, much like my tranniversary. last night, a handful of minutes away from midnight, i realized that two years ago to that very moment i was scrambling to compile everything for my bandcamp page so i could release it exactly at midnight on 2/22/22. i still can't believe we pulled it off.

it's hard to know where to start when talking about this album. it's the first album i've ever made, though i had released some EPs under a different name a few years before i ever started on baatmoia. however, this is the first project of mine that was consciously made as its own self contained thing from start to finish. my goal was simply to make "a shoegaze album" and let that be whatever it ended up being. as i continued working on it, i felt it begin to form into something unique and distinct from its parts - it wasn't a collection of songs i put together in an EP, this was daring to evolve into a separate being.

parts of me are dying to talk more about its production and parts of me are fighting to keep our mouth shut. i fully intended this (and all further projects) to be something you explored yourself with only a little guidance from us. that's why baatmoia's lyric sheet looks like this:

i like hearing what people think we're singing - i grew up listening to gorillaz and it turns out that blue haired cunt was mumbling and making shit up on the spot half the time. but it was always fun to try to figure out what he was saying, and arguing with other fans over which common set of lyrics was "correct" and what it implied for the song's meaning. i want to recreate that, but i also want to reward you if you try to actually figure it all out. i think it's only fair.

this album also got me a cold email about doing a run of tapes (which sadly are no longer available) and then a music video on top of that (i still don't know how this happened).

youtube

and if i can be honest, i am so glad the reception to baatlnoyl wasnt like that. i fully intended baatmoia to not even make a ripple in the pond of music, so this strong of a positive reception kinda threw me for a loop. we skidded into my deadline for baatlnoyl (11/11/22) and are still recovering from that burnout, but we're finally feeling the energy again to continue working on baatdbu. if there's one thing i can say about baatmoia is that approaching it as if only i would really ever hear it was what got it to be as good as it is (which i suppose is up to you to decide).

which is all to say, this one album set my life on a completely different path than i thought i was going to be on. and we're all the happier for it. so i think it's only fair that i break my usual practice of not praising myself or my work to say: i think what we made is pretty neat, and we'd appreciate it if you checked it out. here's the visual album that i intend for you to watch on a CRT at 2:22am. ok?

youtube

#bacillus anthracis and the melancholy of it all #long post #retrospective #it still feels self-important to post this but #something something opposite action #Bandcamp #Youtube

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telomeke · 21 days

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Get to Know Me Tag :)

I was tagged by @lamonnaie at this post here. Thanks for tagging me! 😍 It was such fun to read your responses; now here are mine. 🥰

do you make your bed?

Never ever. I'm pretty messy, and if I don't watch my hoarding tendencies I will morph into the worst pack rat. But I like a bit of clutter around me; I think it helps my creative side since my output (whether at work, or writing on Tumblr) is always tidy and tidied up to a fault, which can stifle creativity (at least that's what I tell myself! 🤣).

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one. However (even though I like to think I'm not superstitious) if I can I'll try to avoid the number 13 and anything with 4 in it...

what is your job?

Not gonna get too specific, but my work involves design, project management and construction.

if you could go back to school, would you?

I was too stressed out at school to want to repeat the experience. But I wouldn't mind a bit of time travel back to advise my younger self not to take things so seriously! 🤣

can you parallel park?

Yes. Not well, but the car will be fully in the lot eventually. 👍

a job you had that would surprise people?

Some minor modeling jobs when I was younger. Hush! I don't like to talk about it. 🤫 You wouldn't think it to look at me now (me 🤝 Ricky Gervais 😂).

do you think aliens are real?

There are too many planets out there for our little blue marble to be the only habitable one, so yes I do think there are aliens out there. I just don't think we've been visited by them yet though! (Aylin doesn't count. 🤩)

can you drive a manual car?

Yes. Mom taught me how to drive in one... until the day I jammed on the accelerator when she said "Step on it" and I almost up-ended us into a ditch. Then I was sent to driving school instead. 🤣

what's your guilty pleasure?

Ooh. It's this bad boy here:

Sadly I've been over-indulging, so chocolate is now banned from the house for the foreseeable future. I'm still lusting after it though. Other guilty pleasures: I do like a good nightcap, so any (gluten grain-free) alcohol makes me light up – cognac, cabernet, sherry, sake, port... (But I don't always know my limits, so this is now banned too.) And a steamin', stonkin', trashy BL every now and then (bonus if there's a nice muscley actor for me to get all googly-eyed over – shoutout Gap Jakarin!). 😁🥰

tattoos?

I like art and have fanboyed over beautiful tattoos before – but I'm put off by the permanence of them, so I have none myself. Don't like the idea of not being able to change them much once they're inked in, because I will always be wanting to change things up if I were to get one. And no, even for looking at I prefer an uninked bod over an inked one. It takes a lot of work to get a body in shape, and I can't understand someone wanting to cover up the results of their hard work at the gym. 🤷‍♂️

favorite color?

A deep, rich blue most of the time. But when the mood hits, I like a bright, bold red too.

favorite type of music?

My tastes are a bit eclectic, leaning lighter and not challenging. Anything with a strong melodic line will get me hooked. Bonus points if the lyrics can come together with the melody to tell a story, and elevate it even more. So – pop mostly, but I also like R&B, soul, light jazz and the odd heartfelt country ballad or foot-stomper (go Queen Bey! 😍). Also like things with a nostalgic bent (I melt at Karen Carpenter, Seals & Croft, and England Dan & John Ford Coley). And then throw in a couple of show tunes in there for good measure! My YouTube playlist is all over the place – Sheila Majid, New Country, Renaissance, Nunew, Miley Cyrus, Streisand, Li'l Nas X, Ayumu Imazu, The Carpenters, Clean Bandit, so many others, all side-by-side.

do you like puzzles?

I love them, especially word and logic puzzles. I'm always shouting over Pat and Vanna. 🤣

any phobias?

Oddly, not the usual suspects, but I'm a bit phobic about birds. They're just creepy up close, even though I find them fascinating and beautiful with a bit of distance. While the bog-standard creepy-crawlies don't bother me one bit – I'm the one always getting called in to whack the roaches and chase away rodents. I dream of getting a cobalt blue tarantula as a pet (but that's not going to happen for various reasons, alas).

favorite childhood sport?

I wasn't that sporty growing up (classic bookworm) but I did enjoy a bit of soccer when I got to play. But I guess my favorite was probably swimming, though I didn't compete.

do you talk to yourself?

All the time. There's a nonstop monologue going on in my head and I've been known to startle people by accidentally voicing that conversation out loud. So I've learnt not to do it around others. 🤣 And no I'm not hearing disembodied voices; it's just me keeping myself company (plus I find it helps me focus my thoughts).

what movies do you adore?

My all-time favorite: Cinema Paradiso; it really pulls unabashedly at the heartstrings, but then again I'm a sentimental fool and love it all the more for that. That's also why I like Love Actually, especially the scene where the repressed Jamie (Colin Firth) travels to Portugal in order to confess his feelings to Aurélia (Lúcia Moniz), having realized he loves her despite the language barrier, and doggedly learnt Portuguese just to make his declaration – and then he finds out that she, lovelorn and bereft, learnt English just in case ("just in cases") he came back. 💖 And my second favorite is from the other end of the spectrum, actually quite a bit before my time as well: Hello Dolly! 😆 Don't judge... A couple of songs in there are really amazing – Love is Only Love and Just Leave Everything to Me especially (which are not in the stage version) are mindblowingly good. The former is almost pithy in its bare-boned purity, all about looking at love without sentimentality while reprising themes heard earlier on in the musical; the latter has the among the cleverest lyrics set to music I've ever heard:

youtube

Streisand is in fine fettle portraying a campier, more youthful incarnation of Dolly. Such a shame it was not better received. The costumes are spectacular too.

coffee or tea?

Coffee (or rather the caffeine it contains) is my drug of choice, and I drink buckets of it. But I like a good cuppa when I'm feeling nostalgic and/or sentimental, because tea is what I drank a lot of growing up – at my gran's there would be a perpetually-replenished, giant kettle of dark, bitterish Oolong on the sideboard for whenever you felt like some (which was often), while at home there was always a big pot of tea on the table in the morning, that would then be set to chill in the refrigerator after breakfast. I would always have an ice-cold milk tea with the papers when I got home from school, and it was my favorite daily ritual.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

A paleontologist – like a lot of kids I loved dinosaurs, and I can still rattle off the names of the more well-known ones (including every one in Jurassic Park 👀). But that got pushed aside for more practical considerations later. Still wish I'd explored my second childhood ambition more though, which was to be a writer/journalist. Maybe that's why I like posting so much on Tumblr! 😍

Onward tagging (too many people as usual, but no pressure to play if you don't want to or can't 🥰): @hughungrybear, @relativelydimensional, @neuroticbookworm, @wen-kexing-apologist, @waitmyturtles, @airenyah, @twig-tea, @solitaryandwandering, @recentadultburnout, @lurkingshan, @grapejuicegay,@bengiyo, @urikawa-miyuki, @pickletrip, @suni-san, @kattahj, @dimplesandfierceeyes, @7nessasaryevils, @imminentinertia, @befuddledcinnamonroll, @pandasmagorica, @nihilisticcondensedmilk,@shortpplfedup, @rokklagio, @thegalwhorants, @brazilian-whalien52, @callipigio, @respectthepetty, @corettaroosa, @colourme-feral, @virtualtadpole, @aroceu, @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas, @delesaria-blog, @dribs-and-drabbles, @inventedfangirling, @jiirotu, @visualtaehyun @happypotato48,@akawrites000, @kleopatras-cat, @dc-alves, @toschistation, @lovelyghostv

I've been tagged by others in various tag games over the past few weeks but have been too busy with work to be able to play. 😭 Not gonna post half-assed replies if I can help it, but then I'm always beset by dread thinking people might assume I'm ignoring them for whatever silly reason. But I just haven't had the time until now.

If you've tagged me and I've not responded, please know that I really wanted to but I just kept getting sidetracked by urgent deadlines. (In fact, my drafts folder is full of half-written tag game responses that are too far beyond their use-by date to ever see the light of day. 😮) So to any and all who see this, please accept my apology for not replying to your tags and invites, and if you'd like to play along with this one even if I haven't tagged you directly (and you have the time for it) – please do so! I'd love to read your responses! 😍

#tag game #get to know me tag

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honey-minded-hivemind · 2 months

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For the 🖤Heart of the Villain/ess/ex💔 AU, I think I've figured out how I want it to go:

It will have the characters as different nobles, who all have.a different class/type of magic they are born with, which is their family aurum (my word for magic for this au). The head noble families are themed after the Seven Heavenlu Virtues and Seven Deadly Sins, but with a twist: Each house has one Virtue and Sin ( which are called Auras and Umbras). Reader is part of the noble family who fall under Lust and Love (their House/Family is called the Passio de Amorluxuria) (I think it translates to Passion of Lovelust). Their family has been known to have powerful auras and umbras, but has a dark creature tied to them, their purest or darkest form, the dragon... Reader, in their first life, due to their hatred of the Protagonist and the wrongs done to them, was killed in cold blood. And with each new life they lived, no matter what they did to turn the tides and to get a better life,they always failed. Their own friends, their own family, rivals and teachers, even complete strangers, would murder them, or the Protagonist would, claiming Reader to be the evil beast which each house feared, whom they swore to destroy... And with each new life, each new timeline, Reader's dragon form grows smaller and smaller, weaker and weaker, as their love for other people and beings and their lust for life and power wither away...

Yet when they reach their 20th life... They decide they've had enough.

Forget making friends or keeping them! Forget their family, who ignore them and have killed them all for the love of a stranger. Forget their backstabbing peers and double-edged teachers and that awful, horrifying Protagonist...! This time, they aren't getting involved. They will not spend another lifetime wasting their few short years of life trying to please impossible people or to curry favor with their peers or to deal with that stupid Protagonist. This time, they will focus on themself. Their own aura and umbra, their own power, their own riches and objects and projects. Why waste another (literal) lifetime doing the sme thing over and over again with no reward? No. That's over and done with. Leave the drama and pettiness to the others; this life is about Reader now, and they intend to make the most of it!

Except... over the years, as Reader grows from a small child into a kid, then to a preteen and to a teen... something weird happens. For once... people start act... strange. Less cruel and dismissive and in "love" with the Protagonist... yet more "interested" in Reader... Trying to find them, to talk to them, to even befriend them... It's... odd. And Reader doesn't like it. Dear Primora, even the inane Protagonist joins in on it! This new change isn't welcome, and Reader is having none of it. They reply curtly and to the point, they stick to themself, they have an entire room dedicated to just their experiments that they spend their time in, writing the results down to hand in at school (sadly they couldn't escape school this timeline...). Yet they have kept up the act of an arrogant, aloof noble with a dark family history, as they can't tip anyone off to their knowledge of the timeloop in case they aren't the only one aware of it. And most people buy it... but then they start to look closer, listen more to their tones and chosen phrases than to the front they put up... Reader isn't sure what's going on, but they won't let themself be tricked again. They won't let themself die just to sate the monsters around them...

Meanwhile...

The Platonic Yans have realized that the Reader they thought they knew isn't the Reader they're used to (they aren't aware of the timeloops, they just find the changes in Reader odd. Their subconscious/inner selves noticed Reader changing past what they'd always been, and so they themselves are starting to notice setting is weird with them; that they aren't their usual self that they know). Their friends/lackeys/tag-alongs aren't sure why they're being pushed away. Did they say something? Did they hurt Reader somehow? No matter what they do to keep Reader as their friend/comrade/boss, they just- drift away, slowly cut contact with them. And it hurts. And they aren't sure what happened to cause it. Reader's family is unsure why they're bothering showing interest in Reader, as they've always been a needy disappointment to them, to their family... Yet... They start to notice Reader actively avoids them. Reader doesn't bother to seek them out anymore, which is strange. Reader always wanted to show then something or ask questions, so why aren't they visiting them around their manor? They hardly see Reader at dinner, and if they do, Reader simply takes their meal with them to another room, or forgoes eating for their... whatever they do... What DO they do? Have they never actually... known what their kid/sibling/relative does when they can't see them? Reader passes up talking to them or having their monthly scheduled talks with the older members, leaving them waiting and wondering what has gotten into them... And now they start to feel... concerned? Worried, for once? That they know nothing about their own child/sibling/relative, not even the basics. And they feel guilty over it. Reader's rivals and peers and teachers find their behavior odd over the years, as when they expected a competitive, arrogant, social butterfly, they instead have an apathetic, cynical child/teen, who is still the one to beat, yet... weren't they... weren't they not always like this?? Weren't they loud and outgoing and boasting and sociable, a person who loved life and lusted for power and aura and umbra? Who is this person they have instead?! They're unsure of what to do, but they don't know how to approach the issue. Something tells them to get closer, to offer an ear or hand or some advice... but they're not taken. And now they know something isn't right...

So, Reader is building their own power and umbra and aura, hoping to keep themself strong enough, so that should their draconic form come to light, they'll be prepared to fight back, and win... Their form is small, weak, at first... But with their new lust for a better end, for a full life... They slowly grow... And so too, does their umbra...

Yet in the background, the Protagonist watches, waiting... And they hope to see if they can't have this poor, lonely villain/ess/ex of the kingdom as the next loyal dog at their beck and command...

But even still... their powr isn't as absolute as they think it is... And this time... Reader's going to win...

#honeycomb thoughts #platonic yandere marvel #yandere platonic marvel #platonic yandere xmen #yandere x-men #platonic yandere marvel x reader #platonic yandere #platonic yandere x reader #🖤villain/ess/ex of the heart💔 au

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