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chronicowboy · 6 months

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20 questions for fic writers

tagged by my love @shitouttabuck thank you soooo much i'm so bored catching up on lectures

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

66 for buddie but 79 overall

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

609,231 HA WHAT

3. what fandoms do you write for?

used to write for tfatws and aos but now it's 911 or nothin

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

let's build this house (into a home, baby) did not know this was my top so glad it is tho my absolute baby beloved

please? (can't say no) okay fair i do love this one surprised it's number 2 tho

memory (all alone in the moonlight) okayyyyy

not all of us are heroes (not all of us are brave) my titles are so shit i had to check to remember which one this was but yeah kinda slay

accidents happen (but i will love you on purpose) so glad this stupid silly turned heavy romantic little fic made it into top 5

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

on my bigger fics i always always do my best to reply to every comment just because of how much effort i poured into it and i want my wonderful beautiful commenters to know how grateful i am for the comments, i try to on my smaller fics but the reality of the matter is my brain is unimaginative when it comes to thank yous and i'm terrible at keeping up with shit like that but just know i read all of them and appreciate them sooooo goddamn much !!!!!!!!!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am probably incapable of angsty endings even when i write incredibly angsty fics so uh it'd probably some of my cross-posted little lightning era ficlets like i couldn't say no which is very chris-centred

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally like 99% of them are sappily happy because i'm disgusting and fragile when it comes to these men but it'd probably be the gross, gooey ending of the safe haven baby fic

8. do you get hate on fics?

no?????? idk if i'm just very lucky or have blocked it out but i don't think so

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do but like. in the loosest possible sense. i try to keep it as vague and non-explicit as possible unless it's crucial to the story bc i am pretty sure i'm a little lesbian and dicks freak me out!!!

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i mean. i guess technically the parks and rec au could be considered a crossover of some sorts what with lil sebastian but apart from that.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of but i have had a podfic made which is awesome!!!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no god i feel like that would stress me out way too much. like i'd love to write with some of you beautiful minds on here but i am very poor at deadlines and group projects either make me incredibly stressy and lazy or control freaky and i wouldn't want to inflict that upon anyone

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

fuck. i mean. that's just. i feel like with 66 works and like 300k words you'd expect it to be buddie and i love them deeply but at the heart of me i am a merthur girlie through and through. they were the og. they were my whole world. they still are. nothing like two tragic little gay men so devoted to each other that it makes them severely fucked up!!!!!

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh my god. fuck. huh. there are like five aus that i am so desperate to write and have kinda-sorta planned but to call them wips would be very generous. there's the queer bar au which i WILL write one day, then the game night au, the nice guys au oh my god i love her deeply, the new girl au of course bc nickeddie has me in a chokehold despite not writing a word of him and then the merthurbuddie au i actually will never write bc i know it'd be 300k words long and take up the entirety of my life for like a solid year.

16. what are your writing strengths?

uh dialogue? i've always been told my writing's very cinematic and i'm experimenting more with scripts (play mostly but a little bit of tv and film) in my creative writing course.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

oh god. description. i feel like there's never enough between my dialogue idk. and my description is always so like. functional. i got scared of purple prose in high school and overcorrected somewhere along the way lollllll

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i love it, i try to avoid it because i always overestimate what i'll be able to remember from 5 years of spanish courses and then end up thoroughly humbling myself, would love to do it more but yeah apparently my brain just doesn't cooperate with other languages which suckssss

19. first fandom you wrote for?

okay well. it was marvel. and it was sambucky i think. either that or some irondad on this blog. but we're going to ignore that!!!!!! it was a dark time!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

oooh boy oh man. um. want to say no rizz kink fic bc i had so much fun writing it but i know it's one of my aus. i just can't decide between neighbours, parks and rec, national treasure or gilmore girls. whoops

tagging: uh feel like i'm very late to the party so ignore if you've already been tagged lol @butchdiaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @folk-fae @piningeddiediaz if u guys want <3

#sami rambles #oh my god i have to catch up on a 2 hour grammar lecture after this (HELL!!!!) but this was a nice break #very fun until you asked me to choose between my babies!!#tag game #mutuals <3

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shorterstrides-fasterpace · 2 years

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After wind-chill the temp outside is listed as "feels like 25°F" UUUGGGHHHHH. Thank god we turned on the heat last night, but I am still so tired and want to go back under my blankies. It is only mid October!!! Actually temp is 34°F though, so that on par, but BOO.

It is now 5:47AM My plan was to take care of journaling I did not complete last night. But I scrolled Tumblr instead. Ooft. I may be getting Starbucks today..

...

Well, after 28min of looking over the drinks I have made my Starbucks order 🤦‍♀️ ooft. Menus and decisions are very hard for me. I should be excited for today, it will be the return of my favorite co-worker! And I need to be at work early. But now I am stuck in the bathroom... Too much Cabbage this weekend I guess?? Owie. I should technically be leaving, like, now ish.

...

It is flipping snowing... I love snow, but not the second week of spooky month.

...

Day is better!! Co-worker is here and she is happy and it is contagious 😁 feeling better. Going to work on my favorite concept/job #

...

Excitement wearing off. I want to eat literally any and everything. I am not hungry. But I want to consume all the food.

...

I put in my headphones and and listening to a audiobook. My mind almost immediately calmed and I am able to focus. I do not understand how that works. But it consistently does. But I never want to start listening for some reason.

....

On and off stressy-depressy-lenom-zesty staying with simple tasks. First meeting of the day in 30min. Venti with 4 shots of espresso almost gone. Not sure if it had an impact.

...

OOOOHHHH now I feel the coffee! Hello caffeine headache! How have you been?? Now to drink water to counter act it.

...

Ate my lunch (it is/was 12:05-12:30). Was not over hungry, but it was lunch time and I wanted to eat. I now once again feel the absolute NEED to go eat, especially eat chocolate if I could get it. I am not hungry, I know I have had plenty today. But I feel I NEED to devour something or I will implode.

I would like to drink water, but I cannot seem to make myself. I will keep trying.

...

12:35 - Oh look!! My heart rate just jumped up 15bpm and increasing. Hello panic 👋👋. Why yes! I did just drink water! Please calm down... Back to headphones?

...

Why is focusing so damn hard? Just do one task at a time. Just recall the damn task and do it.

I just want to go run and jump and move, anything but the task at hand.

...

In bed by 6pm.

...

Up and showered at 8. Feats includes: putting soap on the wash cloth and rinsing it back out. (Twice...), Tried to out my ear pods pointy side in.

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ptergwen · 3 years

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he’s gonna love you

w/c: 3k

summary: two of peter’s favorite people in the world meet for the first time

a/n: i started writing this like a year ago but i forgot? anyway i think it’s cute so i came back to it and also we’re pretending tony didn’t d word

“how would you feel about meeting mr. stark?”

peter drops the question out of no where. not a “hi” or “how’s it going?” first. you nearly choke on your sip of coffee. gulping, you stare up at him and push the cup to the side.

“what?” peter asks innocently, taking his seat across from you on the cafeteria bench. “he needs my help with something after school. whatever it is might take a while,” he explains while opening up a bag of chips from the vending machine. “instead of rain checking the date we had, i figured you could go with me.”

tony stark. he wants you to meet the tony stark. one of your idols and the world’s greatest hero. it sounds completely unreal.

“are- are you being serious right now? you wanna bring me to meet tony stark?” you can’t even believe you just said that. “uh,” peter finishes chewing before looking up at you. he gives you a small but hopeful smile. “yeah.” you shake your head at your boyfriend in disbelief. you’re really getting to spend your afternoon with iron man.

who else besides peter can say they’ve done that?

“unless you don’t want to,” he teases to see your reaction. “no! of course i want to! he’s my favorite avenger. how could you even say that?” you steal one of peter’s chips and crunch on it dramatically. pretending you hurt him, he puts his hand over his heart.

“first of all, you owe me a chip. second, what about me?” “it would be biased if spider-man were my favorite! you know he’s yours, too.” his salty expression changes to a thoughtful one. you have a point. “besides thor, but i guess that’s fair... ugh.”

peter glances at the cafeteria clock. “i gotta go to the library. i’ll meet you by your locker later, okay?” he leans across the table and kisses your cheek, then bends down to grab his stuff. “see you later, spidey,” you call after peter before he walks too far. he shoots you a poorly attempted wink and takes off for the library.

t-minus two hours until it’s tony time.

you leave your last class right as the bell rings, walking through the halls faster than usual. it still hasn’t sunk in what you’re about to do. peter is already waiting in front of your locker when you get there.

“look at you being early for once,” you greet him. he chuckles and steps aside. “don’t get used to it.” “i wasn’t going to,” you quip, opening your locker. peter checks his phone while you swap out a few things. after closing your locker, you turn and face him.

“happy’s waiting outside whenever you’re ready.” he puts his phone back in his pocket. “he’s driving us there?” “yeah, i didn’t tell you? he picks me up most days.” peter’s arm wraps loosely around your waist, then the two of you start walking. “that’s cool. i haven’t seen him in a minute.”

“can’t relate. he practically lives at my apartment,” peter sighs, but it’s lighthearted. “i’m surprised may hasn’t asked him to move in already.” “don’t act like you don’t secretly enjoy it,” you challenge and elbow his side. his eyes dart to you as he thinks about it. “i guess i do. he does make may really happy.” you leave the conversation at that, considering you’re about to see the man in question.

peter pushes open one of the double doors that leads to the main parking lot of midtown. “ok, we’re looking for a black suv.” his arm moves so his hand is resting on your back to guide you. you squint, eyes adjusting to the sunlight and scanning for the car. “is that it? kinda sticks out since it’s taking up, like, two parking spaces.” you point to the suv. peter looks to confirm.

“yep. that’s mr. stark for you.” he deadpans. “let’s go. our chariot awaits.” giving peter a crooked smile, you let him usher you over to the car. unsurprisingly, the thing is like a magnet for the other kids outside. some even try to peek through the tinted windows and see what’s going on. you’d do the same if you were them. it isn’t every day a car like that pulls up in your school parking lot, to be fair.

“hop in before your seats get taken,” happy says, eyeing people from his rolled down window. peter ignores his sour greeting. “my day was great, happy. how was yours?” “sorry, kid. you know i get stressy with crowds.” peter nods and glances over his shoulder. after opening the backseat door and throwing his bag inside, he turns to you.

“backpack?” “why thank you.” you take your backpack off your shoulder and hand it to peter. “no need.” dropping it next to his on the floor, peter brushes his hands off like it weighed a ton. he can be such a dummy when he’s in one of his playful moods. “jeez. well, hop in,” he sarcastically repeats happy’s words from a minute ago. you salute peter and climb in, him getting in after.

the smell of leather and quiet music playing make the oversized car feel less intimidating right away. “hey, y/n. peter. seatbelts on,” happy tells you two while staring down some kids that pass by. peter nudges you to ask if you can believe this without words. you just click your tongue at him and buckle up.

“you going to the tower with peter?” happy asks you, pulling out of the parking space. “the tower? like, avengers tower? i thought the avengers moved upstate,” you look over at peter. he shrugs his shoulders. “mr. stark said they’re still renovating it or something.”

the two of you wait for happy to explain. he’s too focused on navigating his way through the messy parking lot to realize. “happy?” peter taps his shoulder. “give me a second, kid. i’m trying to make this turn,” happy mutters. you put a hand on peter’s shoulder to pull him away. you’re trying not to laugh. “oops,” he mumbles to you.

happy finally gets out of the parking lot, and you watch his face relax in the overhead mirror. you’re driving through the streets now. “the tower should be ready next month. boss is checking it out tomorrow,” he answers your question from a few minutes ago. you nod and look over at peter. he’s probably used to hearing about all this stuff.

your mind drifts off when the conversation ends, and the reality sets in. you’ll be face to face with tony stark pretty soon. this is a big deal. not just because he’s a superhero, but because he’s a huge part of peter’s life. it’s only a step below meeting may. you’ve already done that. but, you planned it weeks before it happened. there’s extra pressure with this because it’s last minute.

before you know it, you’re in the city. you zone back in to peter telling happy about patrol the other night. happy stops at a light. he looks less than interested while peter goes on about a lost puppy. he shares a look with you, but you’re too in your head to laugh.

“i was kinda sad when his owner came to get him because i would’ve taken him home.” remembering it makes him frown. “if may said it was okay,” he adds. happy rolls his eyes playfully. peter doesn’t miss his smile when he brings up may. eyes wide, he taps your shoulder.

“uh, so, we’re almost there,” he changes the subject. you blink for a few seconds and nod. “ok, cool.” “i’ll drop you kids off outside,” happy chimes in, going when the light turns green. peter furrows his eyebrows. “you’re not coming with us?” “i’m actually going out with your aunt in a few.” that makes you tune in fully.

peter doesn’t say anything, so you talk for him. “aw, that’s nice. what are you gonna do?” “dinner and a movie. classic.” happy sits up more in his seat. you glance over at peter from your peripherals. “have a good time,” he speaks up. “thanks, kid.” it would’ve been a sweet moment if peter didn’t look so moody now.

happy pulls up to the curb, unlocking your doors. peter hands you your bag before grabbing his own. “thanks for the ride,” he says and gets out of the car quickly. “yeah, thank you so much,” you tell him, getting out on peter’s side to avoid traffic. happy waves you off. “anytime. enjoy yourselves.” and he’s gone.

you stare at the empty spot the suv was just in. peter tugs at your hand from behind you. “you coming, y/n/n?” “yeah, sorry.” you take a breath and turn around, letting him lead you into the building. security already knows him, so you go straight to the elevator. peter presses the button to the top floor and leans back against the railing.

“i can’t believe may didn’t tell me. like, i thought they-“ he stops talking when he notices the look on your face. it’s like you’re about to throw up. “you okay?” you stare down at your feet. “i’m just... scared.” “why?” his hand finds yours again, loosely intertwining your fingers together. he searches for your eyes. you meet his gaze and swallow your spit.

“i’m scared he won’t like me. i mean, what if he thinks i’m stupid?” you admit, peter instantly dismissing your worries. “mr. stark? no way. i’ve already told him a lot about you.” he squeezes your hand. “he’s gonna love you, y/n.” it sounds so genuine you almost believe him. there’s still a bit of doubt in your mind. who could possibly know what tony stark is ever thinking?

but, peter’s reassurance does make you feel better. you’ll try to go easy on yourself. a smile pulling at your lips, you nod. “i hope so.” “he will,” peter repeats and smiles back. you get to the top floor about a minute later. all the nerves reenter your body. you’re pretty sure peter can sense them. literally, he can.

“think of it like this,” he murmurs to you before the elevator doors open. “he’s a middle aged guy who likes to play with robots.” “peter, stop. that’s not even... ok.” you roll your eyes, but you you find it funny. peter takes you by your hand into the main room. he’s surprised to see tony fixing a drink behind the bar. he’ll usually be working on something or going over his schedule with pepper whenever he gets here.

you clear your throat and walk with him to the bar. tony has his back to the two of you, fixing something in a glass. “hi, mr. stark,” peter greets him, eyebrows raised. “underoos. happy with you by any chance?” he replies and pours out the rest of a seltzer in his cup. this feels fake to you. “no, but i did bring someone else.” tony turns around this time. he looks amused.

“who’s this?” you’re about to introduce yourself, but he answers his own question. he tilts his head to the side. “y/n?” the fact that he knows who you are shocks you so much you can’t answer. reading your mind, peter explains. “i showed him pictures.” you nod. “uh, yeah. hi.”

“i thought it would be nice for you guys to meet,” peter tells him, a light pink setting on his cheeks. tony pats his shoulder from behind the counter. “oh, it’s a pleasure. really.” he looks over at you before turning around again. “either of you want a drink?” “mr. stark, we aren’t allowed to-“ tony fake gasps. “you think i’d give you alcohol?”

peter looks over at his glass. tony notices and picks it up, swishing around the liquid inside. “that’s cranberry juice.” you perk up, laughing to yourself. he’s really not that scary after all. peter clenches his teeth. “oh.” “made myself a little mocktail. you know what that is, underoos?” tony shakes his head, looking back at you.

“clearly not,” you joke, tony scoffing in agreement. peter’s face scrunches up in confusion. “you just met and you’re ganging up on me?” “relax. i’m gonna make you kiddos your juice.” tony gets two other glasses from the rack. you’re not too intimidated now that you’ve joked around with him. peter is happy to see that. he’d prefer it to not be at the expense of him, though.

“so, what did you need my help with?” peter asks while tony pours juice for the two of you. he raises a finger. “ah. i was gonna have you work on a prototype for your new suit with me.” he hands you both the cups, peter taking a sip and eyeing him expectantly. “but we shouldn’t bore y/n with that. we’ll do it tomorrow, yeah?”

“i don’t mind, actually. it would be kinda cool to watch,” you jump in. peter pokes your side with a grin. “thanks, y/n/n.” good thing you’re drinking the juice or else you’d be giggly. “let’s hop to it, then. lab time.” tony rubs his hands together and steps through the small door behind the bar.

you and peter leave your backpacks on the swirly seats and follow him to the lab. tony lets you bring your drinks, which peter whispers is something he never does. he claps twice and the lights turn on. you’re amazed by what you see.

there’s a view of earth and one of space projected in the center of the room. old iron man suits are lined up, and one looks like it’s in the process of being made. random parts and crumbled notes are scattered around. avengers equipment is stored in a safeguarded area next to the suits. you’re really in iron man’s lab.

“whew, excuse the mess,” tony says to you on his way over to a plushy desk chair. you and peter sit in ones identical to it. peter is on tony’s left, and you’re next to peter. “friday, open file 7p.” “yes, boss.” a new projection replaces the others. it feels like something out of a movie.

the two of them look through what tony has done so far. peter hums, squinting as he reads the coding. you’re not even going to try making sense of it. this is beyond you. it’s still interesting to see what they’ll do. he reaches over and points at the screen, then drags his finger down. it gets picked up as scrolling. peter seems to approve of most of it until he’s almost at the bottom.

“there’s only one thing i wanna change,” he tells tony, waiting for the go ahead to say it. tony raises an eyebrow. “my webs. they haven’t been... sticky enough lately.” “you wanna change the formula?” now they’re speaking words you understand. you try to keep up. “yeah, but i don’t know what’s missing,” peter taps his fingers on the table.

“tell me what formula you’re using,” tony crosses his arms and turns to face peter in his chair. “polyvinyl acetate.” you’re lost again. “break it down, will you?” peter stills his hand and tries to recall it. “carbon four hydrogen eight oxygen two?”

you know enough about chemistry to understand chemical formulas. that can’t be it. “i think that’s wrong,” you cut in quietly. they both turn to you. tony is pleasantly surprised, but peter is a little shocked. “what do you think it is, y/n?” tony prompts you. “i’m not sure, but it sounds like there’s way too much hydrogen. it could be making your webs more... watery.”

peter thinks it over, and his eyes widen. “wait, you’re right. it should be hydrogen six.” he lets out a laugh of disbelief. “how do you know more about my webs than me?” “basic chemistry, i guess.” you do your best to bite back a smile. you just outsmarted two geniuses. tony swats at peter’s arm to get his attention.

“keep that in your head. make some new web fluid tomorrow.” “i will.” peter bumps your knee under the table. “or i’ll ask y/n to help me.” “please, i’m barely good at this stuff.” you shake your head. “no, he’s right. you’re pretty smart, kid. neither of us could figure it out.” this is the first thing you’ve heard tony say today that wasn’t sarcastic. that must mean he’s serious. tony stark called you smart.

the three of you spend a few more hours tweaking minor things for peter’s new suit, each of them asking you for input from time to time. you get to be a temporary avenger. tony tells you inside secrets about the team, too. all about their powers, funny stories, you hear some of everything. he only stops when friday says it’s eight o’clock.

“i was supposed to let you go at seven. whoops.” tony swipes his hand, making the projection disappear. peter’s face falls. “aw, mr. stark. can we stay a little longer?” “this is really fun,” you say in the same whiny voice. he lets out a breath. “don’t you two have better things to do? eat, homework, watch tv?”

before either of you can protest, he pulls out his phone. “i’m telling happy to come get you.” “he can’t. he’s...” peter sighs. “he’s on a date with may.” tony snorts and shoves his phone back in his pocket. “that’s still happening? i’ll drive you, then.” “but you never drive me.” peter gives him a strange look. tony gestures you. “well, we have a very special guest today. special guest means special circumstances.”

each of you get up from the table. tony goes and opens up the door to the lab. you and peter stay back a few seconds. you’re grinning to yourself about the day. peter leans in close to you and presses a kiss to the side of your head, his lips lingering before he pulls away. his arm finds its place around your waist. you let yourself relax in his hold.

“told you he was gonna love you.”

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #tony stark #marvel #tom holland smut #mcu

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lefttigerobservation · 2 years

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killing eve 4x05 SPOILERS CRYING STRESSY.

oh...... black and white?? why?? they said LOOK she has shoes. why do i think this is vill tbh.

oh....... no? whom? IS THIS THE ORIGIN OF THE TWELVE WTF YOU'RE KIDDING.

what is GOING ON. are they all together..... what..... hm. i am intrigued. "not a kid's birthday party"

concerning why are they looking at each other like that-- oh. yes. who the heck are these people i am worried <3 good for the germans i guess?? IT'S _CAROLYN_ WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU

they just said; reckon with this. enjoy. oh my WORDDDDDDDDDD WHATTTTTT

of Course it would be i'm?? honestly not even so surprised. glad to see villanelle is just chilling here.

NOOO benita :[[[[[ villanelle beloved. THE DESERVING,,,,, hm.

why is eve out here chilling in paris by TENNIS of all things. is. is helene's daughter there??

ah back to the shenanigans of konstantin & pam. dress-up?? is he vibing. oh pam...... sweetheart. konstantin poor man.

YUSUF AT HER ROOM????? BAHAHAHA the WORRY. was she getting drunk or,,,,, is she like really depressed. OH THE KID. not surprised

VILLANELLE WHAT ARE YOU DOING i'm so worried tbh

smoke machine????? the screw you song???

"women don't stay silent forever" yeah. yeah.

gross what a bizarre...... what...... i mean sure.

THE CHILD WAS STOLEN???? i mean. kidnapped. child abduction???? eve. what. omw eve

is carolyn okay in even the slightest way ever known to man. methinks no

THE GRAY SHIFT WHAAAA. wait is bearded guy konstantin??? like how the young actress reminds me of geraldine. who is this woman though i worry

WHAT ON EARTH WAS CAROLYN'S DAD UP TO TO COVER UP HIS SEXUALITY. she must have been so disturbed mw i do wonder. NO CAROLYN NO TRASHING

i mean to a certain extent villanelle is actually a sweet human being. but what on Earth is she going to go onto a rampage. wait v who's your camilo. pray it's not eve

CAROLINA. OMW hey

oh so johan didn't die but who is johan........... OH SHE'S SALTY BAHA

pam honey,,, that's so sweet. she looks lovely actually. aw the asocial awkeard vibe is such a mood

"i can't see" I LOVE. how the show reminds us. continually. that eve is middle-aged and she Rocks

cupid......... & helene's daughter just. playing on her phone. OH IT WAS HIMohjohandidn'tdieeeeeee

YES GO EVE. LOOK AT YOU BABE GO

"good title. long."

JANICE OMW. please don't let this one die....... oh the footage..... helene....... eve. eve no

OH THE ATTACHMENT OH NO. the way her face morphs,,,,, i'm so worried about her safety rn-- what. what is carolyn doing

the shift in COLOUR i am DYING THIS IS SO UNIQUELY CINEMATOGRAPHIC

OH THE LOCKS YES. my gf would be proud. i know something is Up rn. i freaking love this carolyn exploration tbh though i hope it's timely enough to aid us in developing everyone else

the footage???? the song with it???? i could gif this. btw why does helene type in capitals

EVE JUST REALISING OMW. CRYING. it was carolyn all along...........

i love him for thinking to bring that shenanigan. OH THIS HAS TO BE OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OHHHHHHHHJHHHHHHKAKEOQKFBKAORBDIA. I KNEW IT WAS HIM I KNEWIT.

THAT WAS HER DAD???????????

HE WASN'T DROWNED. DID SHE. OH MY FKN WORD. I KNEW IT

this is. wow. oh my word. i'm not surprised at all. at all. this makes SO MUCH SENSE.

"if we hadn't done what we did"..... but was normality ever the goal, though? the happy lives. the happy endings. ngl these two make me want to yell

VILLANELLE. IS THAT HER CAMILO. IS HE HER CAMILO.

i'm honestly so proud of eve for getting to this point where she can be so pissed at everyone and realise she wholeheartedly is DONE. ofc she found lars we would think so.

the mild fear on her face......... she is Realising. she has a Plan. terrific also terrifying

"they're always bad for me" BAHA

CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME VILLANELLEEEEEE

oh. oh. yes she Knows folks. good for pam but cry. yeah we've established no one can get out of the twelve mmmmmm. worry

SHE'S SO FUNNY WHEN SHE'S RIGHT.

OH IT'S GONNA BE GUNN ISN'T IT

they're always trying to beat each other..... effed up family hugging w this music........

carolyn be careful challenge when

SO IT WAS LARSJOHAN LMAOOOO

ah. he has a gun. i love how sassy she remains

helene is going to die isn't she. OR SHIT SHE WILL ABSOLUTELY BE HURTING V SOMEHOW HUH. CAN I HURT HER PLEASE

the look on her face.......... heLENE

the jesus imagery what the FUCK. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME I'M SO GLAD WE ESTABLISHED THAT FUCK

EVE. EVEEEEEEE I'M CRYING LITERALLY. who the HELL shoots an ARROW.

they really said have a dramatic sky shot

post scene n credits:

THEY GOT KIM BODNIA'S RELATIVE MAYBE. but also wow eve is Descending huh. carolyn and her actually should team up but they never will tbh........ this will be. a sight to see. THIS WAS SUCH AN EPISODE AAAA

#blue rants #killing eve #killing eve 4x05 spoilers #killing eve 4x05 #liveblogs #blue watches #blue liveblogs #killing eve s4 spoilers #killing eve s4

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rosyfingereddawnn · 3 years

Text

only the black rose (chapter 8)

pairing: jimmy page x layla porter (oc)

warnings: big nsfw warning, drinking, jimmy being himself, fluff

words: 3.6k

summary: in the blink of an eye, it’s 1975 and layla’s suddenly joining led zeppelin for their north american tour. throughout the chaos, the band take a liking to her, she builds friendships with the boys, and love blossoms. but all good things must come to an end.

author’s note: so. layla’s a freak in the... well... not necessarily the sheets, i guess? more stressy hands because they're my weakness, and just... please savour the last bit of happiness you get here. that is all. (two more chappies to go!!!) hope you enjoy :) feedback as always is so very welcome!

masterlist

playlist

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

———

As she’s checking over the stage, ensuring the lights and speakers are set to do their job, Layla’s thoughts roam. After the chaos at the hotel pool, while everyone was asleep, Layla had been anything but. Her tossing and turning had disturbed Jimmy, who had pulled her further into his arms with a tired grunt. She lay there for another hour, her conversation with Jonesy running through her mind over and over. It was obvious she’d have to go back to her own time, and she missed her friends. She missed her mom. She missed everything.

Layla couldn't help, though, but think that maybe she didn’t want to leave.

She had made friends that meant the world to her, and… she’d found Jimmy. The guitarist had changed her life, and had shown her what it meant to love. She’s falling for him, and it’s not long before she hits the ground. It’ll be worth it, she thinks, for someone like him. Jimmy Page is a rare gem, precious, and she knows that she would spend her life trying to find her way back to him.

A throat clears from behind her, and, looking over her shoulder, Layla spots Peter Grant standing a few feet away. Soft smile resting upon his lips, he steps closer, placing a large hand on Layla’s shoulder.

“Layla, I trust everything’s going well?”

“Yep! Lights and sound are looking good, and the stage is set up. Anything else you need me to do?”

“No, this is perfect, dear,” Peter shakes his head, smile morphing into a smirk as he continues. “Though, you’ve been requested elsewhere. Follow me, Layla.” Leading her through the venue, Peter stops in front of a closed door, a laminated sign next to it reading, “Dressing Room: Led Zeppelin”. Turning to Layla, he holds out an arm, beckoning her to take it.

“Shall we?”

“We shall, Peter.”

Arm in arm, they walk into the room. Robert, lying elegantly across the comfortable couch pressed against the wall, has his eyes closed. He hasn’t thrown up yet, but his voice is hoarse, and he has a terrible cough. Knowing these boys as well as she does, Layla suspects that nothing will bring them down. The show must go on, after all. Bonzo is next to him, Robert’s feet in his lap. The drummer speaks quietly to the sick man, who answers in the voice of a 20-year smoker. Jonesy speaks in hushed tones to Jimmy, eyebrows pinched in worry. Jimmy, Layla realizes, has his finger in a bowl of what looks to be ice water, if the cubes of ice scattered across the table are anything to go by. From the doorway, Layla can’t hear what’s being said, but by the downwards tilt of Jonesy’s lips, she can assume Jimmy’s stubbornness is on full display again. Her entrance with Peter hadn’t been noticed, until Robert’s eyes open to slits and he sits up, a smile breaking out on his face.

“Peter! Ah, look, if it isn’t my favourite little dove…”

“Hey, Robert. How are you feeling?”

“Better, better,” Robert smiles, and stands up to pull Layla into a hug, hands splayed across her back. “All thanks to you, Layla. Seriously, thank you for taking care of me.”

Layla grins in response, waving at Bonzo as she passes. He lifts up a hand, as if to splash the woman, and her face lights up, a giggle flying out past her lips. Layla walks over to Jonesy, and he gives her an uncertain look, beckoning her closer. Leaning close, he whispers into the woman’s ear, a worried glance at the guitarist beside him following.

“He was in a lot of pain, even with the meds, so he, uh… found a bottle of Jack’s and… Layla, he won’t listen.”

As if on cue, Jimmy takes a pull from the large bottle of whiskey that rested next to him on the table. Layla hadn’t noticed it, walking in, but it stuck out like a sore thumb now.

“Hey, petal,” Jimmy slurs slightly, bottle in hand as he sends the woman a lazy smile. Injured finger in plain view now, Layla can see how the nail is completely black, the skin around it still dyed purple from the force applied to it. Layla shakes her head, eyes downcast, as she walks closer to Jimmy. She grasps the bottle of alcohol in his hand, replacing it with her own, a warm palm meeting his.

“Jimmy… you can’t just…” Layla drifts off, not wanting to argue with him this close to showtime. They can always talk about this later, after all. Jimmy, noticing her internal battle even through his alcohol-fueled haze, pulls her into his lap. Jonesy, confident that Jimmy is in good hands, nods at Layla before giving the couple a moment to themselves. Jimmy brings a finger to the apple of Layla’s cheek, stroking it almost hesitantly, as though she would break under a stronger touch. Layla’s eyes, once meeting his, drift to his plump, pink lips. They shine in the artificial light, as he swipes his tongue across to wet them.

“Layla,” Jimmy starts, snapping her out of her trance. Her eyes meet his, and he smirks at her dilated pupils. She knew he had caught her staring, she wasn’t exactly subtle about it. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“What is the meaning of life? Please, answer seriously. This is important.”

“Jimmy, I didn’t peg you as someone who indulges in drunk philosophical discussions.”

Jimmy huffs a sigh, and leans in closer, pressing a quick kiss against her lips. Pulling back, he looks at their joined hands, before meeting her eye once more.

“Humour me.”

“Well—”

Before she could answer, Peter floats back into the room, telling the boys to follow him backstage. It’s showtime, and Layla doesn’t want her guitarist to leave yet. Jimmy looks at her expectantly, green eyes searching her face as though the answer to his question was written in the curve of her lips.

“It’s okay, Jimmy,” she says, squeezing the hand in hers, passing courage from one to the other. “We can continue this after the show.”

Jimmy nods, and releases her hand slowly, not wanting to break the contact. Layla hops out of his lap, and helps him stand. Her lips meet his in a soft kiss, as she presses their foreheads together. Their eyelashes flutter against each other, and the scent of citrus, tobacco and pine was ever-present, invading all of Layla’s senses. Jimmy pulls away first, and walks to the door, glancing back at her over his shoulder. She smiles at him, adrift in the empty dressing room, and he smiles back, walking out the door.

“Good luck, angel.” Layla whispers, voice swallowed up by the silence of the deserted dressing room.

Making her way to the familiar lip of the backstage area, Layla’s hands wring together, her lips bitten red. Robert hadn’t sounded well at all earlier, and Jimmy… It seemed like he was deteriorating right before her eyes. The mixture of codeine and Jack Daniels killed the pain, sure, but he was no longer the sharp, pragmatic man she was falling for. He was too caught up in the burn of the drink down his throat, a way to forget the agony rushing through his hand like a current. Bringing her attention back to the stage, she spots the boys, who share a loaded glance. Robert takes a deep breath, and launches right in. ‘Rock and Roll’ passes without a hitch, save for some voice cracks. If anything though, they add to the authentic performance, the crowd electric as usual. ‘Sick Again’ stuns, followed by ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’, and all is well, until ‘How Many More Times’ rolls around.

It was small. Insignificant, really. If Layla hadn’t been searching Jimmy’s face, entranced by the way his brow furrowed as he got lost in the music, she wouldn't have noticed. Breaking apart from the rest of the band to complete a complicated lick, Jimmy’s fingers trip up on the fretboard. To the audience, the only consequence is a slight dead note in the midst of heavenly riffs. Gazing over at Jimmy, however, Layla could see the discomfort in the downwards tilt of his lips, and the pain stiffening his shoulders. She could see the anger flaming in his dark eyes. Jimmy recovers well, delivering attack after attack, though his solos, from that point on, tended to go a little off-track. Whether from nerves or self-doubt, Layla didn't know. But she knows him. She knows the guitarist will let it cloud the entire night. She knows he’s gonna pick the show apart, minute after exhilarating minute, looking for the smallest flaw. Layla knows that she’ll be there for him through it all.

No matter what.

----------

With a hoarse thank you and a flourish directed at the audience, Robert finally leads the band off-stage to voltaic cheers. Robert, ecstatic as ever during the concert, seems to deflate the second he gets off. With a nod and a soft smile at Layla, he disappears into the depths of the backstage area. Jonesy and Bonzo pass by with tight-lipped smiles, clapping her on the shoulder as they follow Robert. Jimmy is the last to appear, and the reason for the rhythm section’s warning glances becomes apparent immediately.

Jimmy scowls as he approaches, eyes glassy, as though she were looking into a clear stream. Layla can see herself reflected in them; can see the worry reflected in her own gaze. Slipping a hand around his bicep, she steers Jimmy into a corner. He refuses to look at her, even as her hand tilts his face upwards softly.

“Jimmy, love, that was—”

“Shit.”

“No, not at all,” Layla steps closer, a hand finding the familiar spot on his cheek. “It was a great show. You saw the audience, Jim. They loved you guys!”

“It was shit, and everyone knows it. If I could just—”

“Jimmy, come on…”

“—be good enough, this would have gone differently.”

Layla’s breath catches, eyes as wide as saucers as she steps closer to the guitarist, who turns away. His gaze at the floor never wavers as he paces, muttering to himself.

“Jimmy, look at me,” Layla stops him in his tracks with a hand at his back. His shoulders heave with deep breaths as he tries to calm himself down. “You played a good gig. It doesn’t matter if you missed a note or two. You came to play a great show, and you did.”

“But it isn't enough. These people came here for an extraordinary show and we couldn't deliver. I couldn't deliver, and—”

“Hey—”

“—if my finger wasn’t broken, we would have been as good as we’ve always been. This is my fault.”

“Jimmy, this isn’t on you. You did nothing wrong.”

Jimmy’s hands fly up to land in his hair, as he pulls at it almost unconsciously. Layla grips his cheek lightly, as the other hand comes to rest at a thin wrist, pulling it away from the dark locks it had latched onto. Jimmy averts his eyes from the woman’s earnest gaze and turns his back once more, treading a hole in the wooden floor of the backstage area. Layla’s palm rubs soft circles into the fabric of his cardigan, patches of whispering dandelions catching on her fingers. From her place behind him, she can see the way he’s beating a fist into the palm of his injured hand repeatedly, perhaps a way to atone for a mistake that hasn’t been committed.

“I fucked up this tour. It’s my fault. I can’t do everything I know I can do, and that’s on me. I just…”

“Jimmy…”

“I can’t do this anymore!”

Layla shrinks back slightly at the exclamation form the man, who is shaking like a leaf. His head drops, long hair hiding his face once again. Recovering quickly, she spins him around carefully to face her. Hands cupping his cheeks, she presses her lips to his. His eyes flutter closed and he immediately reciprocates, a hand pressed to Layla's hips; his new favourite spot for them. Jimmy lets out a whine of pleasure, and Layla pulls away, looking into his tired eyes.

“Jimmy, listen to me. You did play well. I am so, so proud of you. Okay?”

“...Okay. I’ll… work on trying to believe you.”

“That’s all I can ask for.”

If Layla sees the sparkle and shine of tears on the man’s cheeks, she doesn't mention it as she grabs his hand, leading him to an empty room, locking the door immediately.

Finally away from prying eyes, Layla unfurls the guitarist’s hands from their clenched position, bringing the injured one up near her mouth. Gazing up at him, eyes shining in the dim light of the room, she presses a chaste kiss to each finger, slowing as she reaches the one painted shades of purple and black and blue. Jimmy nods, exhale shaky, and she presses the softest of kisses to the tip, hoping to cause pleasure rather than pain.

Jimmy’s hands slide lower from their place on her hips to cup her bum lightly, in case she was uncomfortable and wanted to slip out of his grasp. Her lips find his again as he pushes her against the large table in the middle of the room. Layla lets out a whimper, swallowed by the mouth against hers, as Jimmy’s tongue laps at her bottom lip, asking for entrance. He’s always been soft with her, but this new side of the dark-haired guitarist excited her. The kiss was over as soon as it began, Jimmy pulling away to stare at her, close enough still that their noses touched.

“Petal, I… We were gonna take it slow, and we will, but if you're ready…”

“I’m ready.”

Jimmy smiles, crashing his lips against her quickly, passionately. Pulling back once more, Jimmy smirks as Layla chases the high the feel of his lips gave her. Pressing into his space again, she frowns, which makes Jimmy chuckle. Layla’s hand reaches up, twisting in his hair.

“Angel,” Layla starts, a light tug on a mussed ebony ringlet following the nickname. His mossy eyes were dark with desire, and he placed his lips on her neck, kissing a trail down her jaw, stopping at her collarbone. Slipping the sweat-soaked cardigan off his shoulders, she traces a line down his cheek, eyes glued to his blush-red lips. “Can you lie down on the table for me? Please do try not to break any other body parts.”

“Haven’t I told you I’m afraid of heights?” Jimmy laughs, and with a small smile thrown over his shoulder, he hops up onto the table.

“You overlooked that, love,” Layla says, unbuttoning her blouse ever-so-slowly, surely teasing the guitarist, who leans back on his elbows. His eyes follow her every move as she takes off the rest of her clothing. “Now, I feel like you might have too many clothes on, Jim. We need to be even, after all.”

Slipping his pants and underwear off in record time, he reclines back, already hard. Fully exposed now, Layla climbs up onto the table as well, straddling the man’s lap, before sinking herself onto him. A calloused hand lands on her hips, helping her find the perfect position, until a soft groan rang through the near-empty room. Jimmy’s hands move up to her breasts, toying with the woman’s nipples, much to her delight. Layla grabs onto his chest for support, craning her head back in pure euphoria at the sensation, the hollow of her neck exposed as Jimmy raises up to nip at it. Grinding her hips to the rhythm of the man’s soft groans, she trails hickies up his chest and neck.

“Something to remember me by.” she says, looking at him with dark eyes, a haze of lust filling them. Hand gripping Layla’s ass tightly, he brings her ever-closer, a mumbled “fuck” leaving the woman’s kiss-bitten lips. The guitarist’s face is creased with absolute exhilaration, as he rocks back and forth to the movement of Layla’s body on his. The couple didn’t know where one ended and the other began. Ecstasy fills the room, and whispers of praise flow like music from lips bruised and bitten.

“You did so well today, angel. You’re incredible.”

Jimmy raises up once more to capture her lips in a bruising kiss, a hand raking through the woman’s hair roughly, landing on her throat. Jimmy squeezes it lightly, warningly, and presses his lips to Layla’s once more, swallowing the shriek of pleasure she gasps out.

“You liked that, petal?” Jimmy’s hoarse voice reaches Layla’s ears almost belatedly, too caught up in the pleasure of his hands on her, though she nods as if her life depended on it. Panting hard now, Layla quickens her pace, noises of pleasure growing louder. With the friction of his hand on her, roaming everywhere it could reach, Layla felt divine; heavenly in this embrace. Leaning down for a heavy, passionate kiss, Jimmy’s hand finds her hair again, and he tugs on it hard. The pain elicits a moan from Layla, as she reaches her peak.

With a stuttered breath, Jimmy releases as well, gasps leaving his lips as he looks at Layla reverently. The wetness from her core rushes over him as she lays back down beside him, spent. Back arching as she pants, her head turns to face him, faces painted with bliss.

In a post-coitus haze, Jimmy has his arms wrapped securely around Layla’s shoulders, as her head rests on his chest. Layla giggles tiredly, as her breaths ruffle the dark hair on Jimmy’s chest. Looking up at him, she’s pleased to see him looking right back at her.

“That certainly cheered you up, didn’t it?”

“You’re the best at cheering me up after all. This, of course, was just a bonus.” Jimmy noses at her messy hair, smelling a combination of fresh linen, sweat and her shampoo; hints of strawberry and mango tickling his nose.

“We should get up, the boys are probably looking for us,” Layla says, dragging light fingers across his stomach, watching goosebumps appear on the pale skin. Whether it’s from the sensation or the chill of the table, Layla didn't know, but she’s comfortable in his embrace, in danger of drifting off.

“What if we just… stayed here forever. They can find another guitarist.”

“You’re pretty irreplaceable, Page,” Layla whispers, reaching up to press her lips to his jaw. “I mean, who would the boys chaperone if you were gone?”

“Chaperone? I’m not that bad. I can take care of myself just fine.”

“Right, so Robert was lying about the time you refused to sleep for 5 days out of pure adrenaline? New York, 1973, I believe it was?”

“...”

“That’s what I thought. We need to have a serious talk about your habits, Jimmy.”

With a chuckle from the guitarist, the two lapse into a comfortable silence, as Jimmy presses a kiss to the top of Layla’s head, nuzzling it with his cheek.

“Hey,” Layla shifts to look up at him, eyes filled with adoration. She felt as though she were looking at a star. Beautiful and shining, but out of reach, as much as she wished for the opposite. She knew this couldn’t last, though she’d savour every last minute of it that she could. “I need to… tell you something.”

“What’s wrong, Layla?”

“Nothing’s wrong, really. It’s… kind of the opposite, actually.”

Jimmy tilts his head in confusion, turning on his side to face her. He looked like a puppy, hair wild about his head, and Layla couldn’t help but giggle at the sight.

“S-So,” Layla shifts, nervous all of a sudden. Jimmy grips her hand in his, and nods when their eyes finally meet. “Do you remember what you asked me earlier? About the… meaning of life. You might not remember, you were a little out of it, and—”

“I remember. You’re rambling, petal. What’s going on?”

“Well, it’s… it’s love. The meaning of life is… love. Jimmy, I…um…”

“What is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I’m… I guess... What I’m trying to say is,” Layla says, taking a deep breath as she looks into the eyes that captivate her, and make her smile, and set her on fire. “I’m falling in love with you, and I just… Yeah.”

Jimmy grins brightly, surging forward to capture her lips in a kiss bursting with joy. He laughs into it, as their noses brush together, his finger tracing nonsensical designs across her side.

“Very eloquently put, Porter.”

“Oh my God, I just confessed that I’m falling for you, and you focus on—”

“I’m falling in love with you too. I thought that may have been obvious, considering the state of this poor table.”

“W-Well,” Layla stutters, blushing crimson as Jimmy’s plush lips tilt up in a picture-perfect smirk. “Put your clothes on, Page. The boys are probably waiting for us.”

Jimmy laughs, but redresses in his stage clothes, turning to stare at Layla as she slips her jeans back on. Buttoning up her shirt and flattening her hair, which frizzed up like a halo around her flushed face, she gazes over at Jimmy. Crowding into his space, she put a hand to the back of his neck, up on her tiptoes to peck at his lips once more. He slips a hand to her cheek, and deepens the kiss. Pulling away to glimpse the golden smile that rests on Layla’s lips, he feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. Arm in arm, they walk out of the room, twin smiles nearly splitting their faces. Jimmy glances over at Layla, and can’t believe just how lucky he is.

Screw falling in love, he thinks.

This is love, and he knows it for sure, now.

------

taglist: @jimmys-zeppelin @salixfragilis @timetraveller4 @earthfire-75 @thatiloveyouso (let me know if you want to be added!)

#only the black rose #jimmy page #led zeppelin #jimmy page fanfic #jimmy page fanfiction #jimmy page x oc #led zeppelin fanfic #classic rock fanfic

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vietzuko · 3 years

Text

if we used to share a discord server, this post is for you!

hello! i am going to try to do this as anonymously and non-confrontationally as possible. i do not want this to be a spectacle or call out post, but i will say that i am quite disturbed by the way situations have transpired on the server.

in case you didn’t notice, i left! when i left, i wrote a little goodbye post in #general, which has since been deleted. either the mods deleted my goodbye or they banned me from the server (which automatically would delete my message). in case you didn’t see it, here was my goodbye message:

hi everyone, i’m leaving the server. if you’re a POC who is interested in joining an ATLA server where POC can talk about ATLA and critically discuss race, feel free to PM me for a link! otherwise, this is goodbye. see you all around.

i won’t rehash everything that happened in the events leading to this, nor will i name names in this post. if you were on the server, you probably saw what happened publicly or you can message me personally, either here or on discord. if we know each other through the server and you want some clarity over names/events in this post, please PM me.

if you are a POC in the ATLA fandom who is concerned by the events of this post and you would like me to clarify which server i’m talking about, please PM me.

i just wanted to share the very long message that i sent to the mods (on their prompting!) because i feel that it shows my perspective on what transpired. unfortunately, this message did not result in any meaningful change, except for me getting banned/my messages removed from the server. i suppose that’s a type of meaning! haha.

anyway. here’s the message. cw for racism, yellowface

hi MOD 1 (and presumably the other mods who will read this message)! thanks for reaching out. i’ve had some time to dwell on the situation and discuss it with other people in the server who witnessed it and reached out to me personally. this is going to be an unbelievably long message, so i apologize in advance and thank you for your time in reading it.

i think the first thing i’d like to do is give some context for the incident and to give my perspective on why i said the things i said.

i have PMed a mod about a racist incident in the server exactly once. it was when i first joined, and i saw a picture of a white person in yellowface in the cosplay channel. i didn’t know any of you personally yet (and this was before some of you even joined on as mods). i have since told SERVER MEMBER 1 about this incident and i’m pretty sure they mentioned it to you because i noticed you’ve changed the yellowface rule. but i think that the context of me pinging a mod about a racist incident and then witnessing another (although less egregious) instance of racism by the mods might explain why i am, in general, hesitant about talking to mods about racism on the server. i am just trying to live my life and experience as few micro-aggressions as possible.

i also think the fact that i regularly educate and push back against white people’s racially harmful messages in the server is also important context. i realize none of you likely know this, but about every two weeks i receive an unsolicited PM from a different white person apologizing/asking for forgiveness/asking for reassurance/asking further questions about their racism on the server. i’m glad people are learning from me, but this is a huge amount of emotional labor that i put into the server and its members because of course i have to reply and explain things and tell them not to worry and thank them for apologizing, etc. i know that these messages aren’t your fault, nor am i asking you to do anything about this. but it feels important that you know the price that i (and perhaps other poc in the server, although i can’t speak to that) pay in order to share space with you.

MOD 2 has even messaged me personally to thank me for educating people in the server and responding to racist messages, saying: “really appreciate how much effort you put in and everything, i was trying to type something up but floundering badly.” it was a nice message, and i appreciated it a lot! it also led me to believe that the mods would prefer if i engage with racist messages myself, rather than ping them, because it felt like i was just going to be more able/willing to articulate a response anyway.

so when SERVER MEMBER 2 messaged the zukka channel “thought that lives in my head rent free: Sokka's hairstyle in canon is just a warrior's hairstyle and has meaning because of that. Sokka wearing the same hairstyle in a modern AU is undisputably queer-coded” and nobody replied for a while, i assumed that it was because they had seen what i had seen-- a racially insensitive message that totally ignores sokka’s indigenous heritage and the history behind indigenous hair-- so i decided to step in with what i thought was a balanced response.

SERVER MEMBER 2 then replied with a cheery “Fair enough! I will defer to your greater knowledge,” which i couldn’t tell was sarcastic or not, but i decided to be generous and to believe they were genuinely thankful for my reply, so i responded with a “you too can have great knowledge. i only know things because i read things. anyone can read things and learn,” which is something i firmly believe and also a way to divert the conversation away from SERVER MEMBER 2’s mistake, which i felt was the most dignified solution for them. i suppose this message could be read as aggressive because i didn’t use exclamation marks? but that feels unfair and ungenerous because i genuinely did not mean this message in a harsh way.

then SERVER MEMBER 3 jumped in and asked a few questions, which i read as a request for clarification, so i tried to continue to explain my point. it felt like SERVER MEMBER 3 wasn’t understanding what i was trying to explain, or at least i wasn’t able to articulate myself well enough, which was making me a little tired and stressy (and i was also thinking about my own race and queerness in stressful and triggering ways), so i decided to tap out of the conversation.

me: dude i love u and i respect u and i truly believe that u are trying very hard to understand, but this conversation is making me kinda heated

SERVER MEMBER 3: I’m gonna step back from it because it’s not my conversation to insert myself into, which is what I did initially and apologize for

me: i think it's so important to engage + ask questions & i appreciate that u respect my opinions on these things, but i think i'm just. i have said what i need to say and now must sleep. much love to all.

to me, this felt like me expressing that i was feeling tired and upset and leaving the conversation, while still attempting to reassure SERVER MEMBER 3 that i still admired him as a friend. i felt like the conversation had ended peacefully!

i hope this helps explain why MOD 3’s message came as such a surprise.

“the escalation to defensiveness and accusation regarding the original (relatively benign) statement was unnecessary and exaggerated. There’s an atmosphere of purity policing that’s been growing, which is why I took away the squick channel, as I assumed that a space that encouraged no repercussions was facilitating irresponsibility aggressive arguments. “

i truly didn’t believe i was being defensive. i was very careful not to accuse anyone of anything. in fact, i tried as far as i could to coat my language in “i” statements-- “i would personally not choose…”, “i would just. stay away from…” in order to avoid “accusations.” i was also trying very hard not to be aggressive, and i (and other poc that i have spoken to about this) believe that the idea that my messages were aggressive is racialized. just because a poc is upset about racism, it doesn’t mean they’re attacking you personally!

i feel so hurt that my messages were wilfully interpreted in this way, instead of being read generously and from a more compassionate perspective, especially since i voiced my own upset and discomfort during the conversation. it distresses me to think that me expressing negative emotions is seen as aggressive, rather than a cause for empathy or care, and i do believe that this is because of my race.

if a mod had asked me to take the messages to the DMs or to squick or even just let me know that someone was interpreting my messages as aggressive, i would have changed my behavior. (like i said earlier, i spend a HUGE amount of energy coddling white people on this server. i am very used to it.)

instead, i got the shock of 45 minutes after the fact, being publicly chastised and labeled as aggressive and being told that my conversation was “something nasty or unwanted.”

the idea that SERVER MEMBER 3 was de-escalating a “clearly escalating situation” feels untrue to me. i was ready to move on after i sent my message to SERVER MEMBER 2, but he kept engaging me on the subject! (no hate to SERVER MEMBER 3 on this.)

i think one of the most painful parts of this whole situation is the implication that i was attempting to “purity police,” as though i am a person who picks fights just because i want to feel good about picking fights?? or to act holier-than-thou???? i do not do this. if you have witnessed ANY interaction i’ve had with a racially insensitive white person on the server, you will know this.

i am simply a person of color trying to live my life. i do not want to fight about racism. i want to chill out and watch my cartoons. unfortunately, sometimes, someone will say something that i consider racially insensitive and i will do my best to engage and explain why i find this insensitive. that is all. (it is important to note that most of the time, when i see racially insensitive things on the server, i do not say anything because i am tired and it is a lot of effort to engage. i truly only engaged this time because nobody had replied to the message and i was just like, oh, fine, i guess i’ll educate, since no one else has!)

this whole incident has honestly made me really hurt and disrespected. i have enjoyed my time on the server and i have made some good friends there. however, it feels clearer and clearer to me that the server is a space where white feelings of safety (not being criticized for their racist content) are prioritized over poc’s feelings of safety (not having to witness and experience racist content). i sincerely considered myself to be an active and enthusiastic member of the server, maybe even friends with some of you, but it feels to me that all of our previous positive interactions have been displaced by this idea of me as an aggressive, overzealous purity cop who calls things racist for fun.

i don’t even know how to repair my relationship with the server after this because i really do feel horrible and sick about the whole thing. i have spoken to other poc who also expressed their concerns about the way the mods handled the situation, even if these other poc weren’t directly involved, and some of us are considering leaving the server, if we haven’t already. (i would also like to note that these people reached out to me, unprompted, to make sure i was doing okay after what they and i interpreted as a micro-aggression by the mods. like, we independently read the situation in this way.)

(also, not sure if this matters, but i talked to SERVER MEMBER 3 the morning after the incident because i wanted to make sure he was okay, and we both ended up apologizing to each other and having a really good and productive talk.)

thanks again for reading this. i hope that you’ll be able to better understand my perspective on what occurred. i truly appreciate the work that you put into the server (especially as someone who also puts work into the server lol), and i know it’s difficult to mod a large server (i also mod an atla server!), but i continue to feel hurt about this. i know it’s hard to read tone over server messages, but i really wish that my (and SERVER MEMBER 4′s and SERVER MEMBER 5′s ) server messages had been read with greater compassion.

...

and that’s all folks! i’m going to be remaking my blog soon, partially because this whole experience has exhausted me and partially because i have been meaning to anonymize my internet presence for some time.

#felix.txt

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blonde-toddy · 3 years

Text

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 6

It has taken me a while to do this. But I write this shit down so....

I wonder if they got busy in that carriage.

Probably.

Ok Clyvedon! Y'all are definitely not in the square anymore.

Aww Mrs. Colson. You're so proper and ready to show off and he's just trying to break that back in.

Gahh that place.

Ok Simon, go off!

Aw we're really just diverting there.

You really don't want to know Hyacinth.

Eloise is not here for the shits.

Oh, Colin. You fucking idiot. The one time Violet and Anthony are in agreement.

Colin you happy, dumb boy.

Brothels though?

Colin has a point. He is older than Daphne.

To be fair Colin and Daphne are both getting okie doked.

You horny mfs. I love it.

"You are already Duchess of all this." Yes please.

Ooooh that flip and the way he patted at her hips. They are too good.

Aw Daphne is trying to be proper and Simon is like "fuck all that."

Your Graces.

Jeffries dgaf about this damn honeymoon.

Oh Daphne, she just wants to show you around without YOUR commentary.

Redecorating? Didn't she say she did a bunch of improvements?

"A perfect Duchess." Ok you shady bitch.

Yeah that nursery shit is coming back.

All dressed up and no where to go.

"You're so far away." He wants his WIFE!

They have no chill and the staff don't know how to react.

Mrs. Colson absolutely does not approve.

Girl he hates that place. Gut it!

This man and the way he takes off gloves. Good fucking gawd.

Their poor staff.

I swear I swear I swear that man man is living, breathing, dripping seduction.

Well shit take it outside then.

Queue the rain.

Yes. Remove the wet clothes. ALLUM!!!!!

He is the king of playin with it. And I fucking love it.

"Do you like this?" Fuck yes! Talk. To. Me.

I wonder how many orgasms this man has caused.

"Tell me what you want." Keep talking, yes.

And by "you" she meant that dick.

"Does that hurt?" No boo, it sure doesn't.

But your ignorance on the subject does. Him taking advantage of your ignorance also does.

I love love love Simon but I'm having a harder time with his evasion now that they're actively getting busy.

She's bound to figure it out though, right?

Ahh they're still hot af to me.

Oh shit they're still going.

That picnic. Omfg. Flippin that ass like.....

Head on a ladder?!?!?! Get you some Daphne. Oh sweet Simon....

Sex on a ladder too.

They're really like "fuck the staff." And the staff is like "haha, keep fuckin."

Don't go there Mrs. Colson....

Welp.

That shoe dropping. Gawd yes.

Daphne really went from knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to getting that Grade A like a beast.

Though Simon is obviously a withholder, the man is sexually attentive and attuned to her physical desires. He comes to please, indeed.

That tangle.

Ok, girl tell Rose your business.

I do love Rose. I want more of her.

"His physical inability to have children." Oh the sting of lies and ignorance.

"Difficult entanglement." Go head Rose.

Oh Colin, you fucked up lil buddy.

Hyacinth is a treasure.

I like that Violet does try to be supportive.

Penelope and her passive aggressive ass is saucy.

She's mad af.

The sisters do crack me up.

Penelope is dripping salt.

Oh Eloise. They really are putting you out there homie.

Awkward Marina.

Portia is mf hyped! She is all about that social climbing.

But she's gotta negotiate the bag before she pop tags on new Dresses.

Aw shit Marina caught Delacroix. Her French accent was a bit cartoonish.

Curious Eloise.

Oh children.

Oh poor oblivious Daphne. Simon, help your wife.

A fucking tie. Bitch they gotta kill them to eat them. Simon, again, help your wife. Tell your wife THINGS!

Y'all fucking dumb off all that sex and living in la la land apparently.

Well somebody liked his evil ass daddy.

Diplomatic Daphne.

Another sprinkle of kids....and pregnancy too.

I saw that longing look.

Aww she's worried he's hurt by being around children. If only you knew.

"I thought only of you." Really, mf?! As you keep up this lie.

She's so optimistic about her circumstances.

He's lucky he's beautiful. And that I pity him a bit. Because he's a motherfucker.

How did you get so lucky? Well you're lying to your wife and she doesn't know how sperm works sooooooo there's that.

What a beautiful expansive scene though.

Penelope is PISSED.

No belly yet.

Passive. Aggressive.

Oh this dinner is so awkward.

Portia you are not subtle at all.

Anthony is still CLEARLY not here for this engagement.

Oh is she about to snitch.

Well shit. She's kind of snitching.

Aww. He thinks your such a good friend, but hes got this.

You're sneaky and he's stupid.

Marina is hustling.

Eloping is always a grand idea. Colin you fucking dummy.

Marina is so relieved.

Aw where's Simon?

Sad Daphne is not a good look.

Grouchy workaholic Simon is not a good look either....but he does have a lot of responsibility in all fairness.

Mrs. Colson is so sick of Daphne.

Homegirl is just trying to find her footing. At least Rose stays supportive.

Have I said how much I love Rose?

Damn no one wants to talk to Daphne.

Aw she's befriended the pregnant lady with the screaming toddler.

I'm glad someone is finally explaining shit to Daphne. She can't grow if she don't know.

Too busy for his wife now......I'm not liking this vibe.

Aw she's trying to hash it out with Mrs. Colson.

Oooh she's looking for guidance about Simon.

He really hasn't told her shit about his life.

The power dynamic of their relationship is frustrating.

All this talk of being barren.....

She misses Simon's mama.

Strong seed got her thinking!

Penelope you sneaky, lying ass....what are you up to?

She has hope yet again. She about to expose her mother.

She ain't giving up.

Marina is damned and determined to marry Colin.

Oh Marina went there THERE.

You're gonna see your wife, Your Fucking Grace.

Stressy Simon is such a grouch.....but I'm not judging. I'm the same way.

But when they're affectionate, fuck.

He really just tossed her up on that desk like "Fuck work."

And he proceeded to fuckin work that mf thang.

How many people in the world are fucking like crazy right now because their significant others stay turned on by this show.

If I were not single, I would most definitely be pouncing on my partner ALL. THE. TIME.

Ok. Back to the show.

That was a mighty aggressive pull-out.

Relatable Simon. I too like foods after fucks.

Oh shit Daphne connecting the dots.

Rose out here saving the day like usual.

Well at least Daphne knows where babies come from now.

Everything is about to shatter, amrite?

She can't even hear a word he says. She feels so betrayed.

The piglet.

Dat ass though. And those shoulders.

Yeah that's gonna be a no tonight.

Oooh and now he wakes up without her.

She's fucking heartbroken.

The man she loves took away her choice with his deceit.

He allowed her to believe he was unable, not unwilling.

Would she have married him if he told the truth?

He was ready to die about the shit and still lied though.

All he ever had to do was tell her the whole fucking truth.

Everything this WOMAN knows about love and sex, she's learned from this man (and the real MVP Rose). He has literally taught her everything from the start of her sexual awakening. He knows better than anyone how ignorant she is regarding literally ANYTHING sexual in nature. I know he's insanely damaged, but this fucking hurts.

It's a unique feeling of unease and helplessness when you feel or realize you don't have agency over your own body.

An absence of the option to consent if you will.

I know this is a show, and I suppose it's doing its job because it's getting me deep into my thoughts and feelings. And I sure as a mf ENJOY THE FUCK out of watching them literally breathe in the same room with each other....among the many other things they do onscreen together. I guess I'm just heartbroken too. Shit. Plus y'all know I love tf out of my girl Daphne.

Ok back to the show again. This episode is fucking with my emotions.

Daphne is stewing!

But fuck if this isn't romantic as a mf.

These 2 fuck me up every time!

JPOLND - The End. That's this song. And this song is perfect.

Yes y'all! Rip them clothes off.

Daphne looks wild as hell. Carnal. She has a carnal look about her.

Ok bitch. Climb that mf tree then!

Is she anger-fucking him?!

Either way, he's loving it!!!

This song really is perfect.

Oh shit she's not letting up.

Fuck.

This shoe dropping?! Gawd NO!

She was literally like you took my choice so I took yours.

These fucking two.

He's hot with it for good reason for sure, but she is going in!

How the fuck could you think she knew how this worked when she didn't know what masturbation, let alone sex was until you got a hold of her?

YOU. PLAYED. ON. HER. IGNORANCE.

Maybe this conversation should have been had before y'all got naked.

They're both right in their own ways.

But they are absofuckinglutely wrong in so many of their own ways too.

He didn't ask for her pity and she didn't ask for his betrayal.

They are tearing me apart right now!

Big Sean said it best. "I guess drama makes for the best content."

I'm still rooting for them. I love growth and we still got 2 episodes left. They can't stay stuck like this, I'm sure.

Oh hey Whistledown.

Aww go to your friend.

Wtf is going on?

Are they all trying to kill me?

Aw fuck. Marina has been blasted by Whistledown. It's over.

Pure little Colin.

Oh Simon is heartbroken and Daphne.......she's desperate for a baby.

"Can the ends ever justify such wretched means?" That's a great question Whistledown. I'll have to get back to you on that.

I will close this with happiness because I refuse to accept this heartbreak.

#bridgerton #bridgerton reaction #the duke of hastings #simon bassett #the duchess of hastings #daphne bridgerton #simon x daphne #daphne x simon #anthony bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #colin bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #hyacinth bridgerton #violet bridgerton #marina thompson #portia featherington #penelope featherington #lady danbury #lady whistledown

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gemsofthegalaxy · 3 years

Note

Hey I saw your tags on the ADHD post and just wanted to let you know. I'm looking at taking a break from working as a mental health therapist and MY other well-compensated marketable skill is research! And as it turns out there's a LOT of demand for it. Like, research firms that contract with governments to design and run surveys about what kinds of infrastructure repairs their constituents want done. Public health lobbyists that want researchers to say what the most effective ways of preventing drunk driving are. And I'm avoiding half the available jobs because they're too capitalistic for my delicate sensibilities but like... being able to research ANYTHING, to design and run an experiment of any kind, is a valuable marketable skill! And academia doesn't impart that attitude at ALL.

Honestly that's super fair!! I basically exclusively do qualitative research (I have taken the stats courses and whatnot but I'm just not comfortable with them & also don't like statistical research) so I've been worried that most of the non-academic jobs would be way more focused on stats, but I really don't have proof to back that up yet. and I do believe that any research experience would be super valuable.

it does feel like, within academia you're expected to just want to get a PhD and try to become a prof etc. and in my MA they sort of said "plus there are other things out there!" /vague handwave and left it at that lol. We had a couple guest speakers that went different routes but at least one of them was going back into Academia at the time she spoke to us ^^;

But I do appreciate that there are roles within government and businesses and probably non-profit, too, that I could certainly do with my background and might even have a less intense work-culture, depending on the specific org. On that, I absolutely hear you about the delicate anti-capitalist sensibilities LOL (and one of my other biggest worries is that I don't know how long I can maintain a 40hr work week, personally, which is very tied up in my stressy tags on the post I reblogged- it might hurt my finances to only work part-time but I also, yknow, need to be able to survive mentally/emotionally speaking. BUT just because I'm still in an Academic-40hr-a-week research job doesn't actually mean that 0 non-academic, possibly part-time research jobs *don't exist*, they might just be harder to find...)

so, for sure, I feel like when it does come time to job hunt again I will need to push past the panic and look for other places to apply my skills and remain open to what's out there, then crossing my fingers and hoping I can find something suitable!

Good luck on your own job hunt!! May we both find work that suits our needs and pays us a living wage and respects us as people (though 2/3 ain't bad I guess)

#long post #answered #personal #ps i really like ur posts and often come away with a lot to think about

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zinziinziiin · 4 years

Text

I was tagged by my friend ash to do this! I’m gonna tag @promise-reprise , @rilagooma , @acrosc , and @nikkotikashi , so they can do it if they want, or not if not!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

it is green, though I have a blue one too

2. Name a food you never eat?

most of them. I am unreasonably picky. if I had to highlight one, it’s tomatoes!

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

here’s a hint: I live in australia

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

watching a youtube video about animal crossing!

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

mars bar? we don’t really talk about “candy bars” much over here.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

been to some basketball games with my dad’s ex wife. wasn’t a huge fan, but at least it wasn’t boring

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

“oh, level 37... that’s not bad.” in reference to my mum’s WoW adventures

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

spearmint choc chip for sure!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

drinking a pasito (passionfruit-flavoured soft drink) as we speak

10. Do you like your wallet?

[shrug] I’d rather have it than not

11. What was the last thing you ate?

fish & chips

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

is this common???? no I did not.

13. The last sporting event you watched?

probably the olympics tbh. I don’t like sports much

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

regular buttered popcorn! pretty sure I can eat my bodyweight in it lmao

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

person? someone who works for the mental health place I go to. people? the D&D group chat I’m in with my mum. I barely talk there lmao. text message but not a phone text message? ash, the mate who tagged me.

16. Ever go camping?

unfortunately, yes. I hate camping, but my parents have taken me several times

17. Do you take vitamins?

nah

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

I’m an atheist, so uh. no. always have been an atheist, never prayed. been in churches and the likes before and been deeply uncomfortable invariably

19. Do you have a tan?

it is very easy for me to have a tan even when I barely leave the house, so yes!

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

neither lol I Hate Food. bad textures, bad tastes! for most everything! I like plain rice tho

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

if the soft drink comes with a straw when I get it, yes

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

I have many different coloured socks, but I have more black and white patterned socks than any other colours!

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don’t know how to drive

24. What terrifies you?

Most Things!!! I have an anxiety disorder AND PTSD AND psychosis. gotta say, the things that terrify me most are fires (PTSD), drugs (severe paranoid delusion), and pregnancy (severe gender dysphoria AND paranoid delusion! fun!)

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

some LEGO, the can of pasito I mentioned earlier, a box of stimstuff, and the PMMM manga

26. What chore do you hate?

I find it very hard to do most chores, but the one I despise most is doing the dishes. I can’t do it for other people at all, it’s way too nasty even with gloves!

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

daily life? I live here

28. What’s your favorite soda?

take a wild fucking guess, buddy

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

I can’t drive, but I vastly prefer it when the people I’m with go through the drive-thru! otherwise I have to be in a filthy smell-filled place with other people, and I usually have to place my order myself, which also makes me nervous!

30. Who’s the last person you talked to?

the mate who tagged me, ash.

31. Favorite cut of beef?

I don’t really eat beef. in fact, I can’t remember the last time I had it? sorry, Beef And Dairy Network Podcast!

32. Last song you listened to?

UNSTOPPABLE by bandori’s RAISE A SUILEN

33. Last book you read?

if we’re counting manga, the PMMM manga I mentioned earlier. if we’re not, it’s the Angry Aztecs Horrible Histories book

34. Favorite day of the week?

saturday usually! it’s coin boost day in bandori, it’s D&D/beat saber day, and I usually get maccas for dinner

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

"the alphabet backwards”

36. How do you like your coffee?

I don’t

37. Favorite pair of shoes?

my platform boots. I only have like 3 pairs of shoes that fit and are not broken: my thongs, my canvas shoes, and my cool platform boots

38. The time you normally go to sleep?

midnight!

39. The time you normally get up?

like... 9am? ish?

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

I’m rarely awake for the sunrise, and I wouldn’t wake up just to see it, so sunset

41. How many blankets on your bed?

do people usually have a fixed amount? I barely even have a sheet in summer, but I have sheet, doona, and extra blanket in deep winter

42. Describe your kitchen plates?

white and functional, though they’re not “mine” because I live with my mum

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

I have enough wrong with my brain as it is, I don’t need alcohol

44. Do you play cards?

I could, but it’s not exactly a common occurrence for me

45. What color is your car?

I don’t know how to drive

46. Can you change a tire?

couldn’t if I tried

47. Your favorite province?

we don’t even have those

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had?

I've never had formal employment. Yet.

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

gave it to myself over the course of several very stressy days

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy?

made a moodboard for my friend!

#self harm mention #alcohol mention #fire mention #drug mention #pregnancy mention #swearing #you can skip questions that make you uncomfortable #tag game

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brrrahoe · 5 years

Text

the sun is going down - pt. 1

Description: It all should have been different - you believed it’s impossible to be lonely when you’re with him, but you were wrong. That’s why the warm light of the fire was so tempting for you… will you touch it and not get burned?

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader / Jackson Wang x Reader

Words (for this chapter): 3,5k+

Genre: angst / fluff / smut

Warnings: explicit language / more of them later as the story continues

Summary: Your relationship with Hoseok is all you could ever dream of. Of course, it has its’ ups and downs and even though it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows lately, you know that together you can overcome every difficulty. Little did you know, the real problem is just about to come.

A/n: Hiya, this is the first chapter of a fanfiction I’m working on rn. It’s gonna be about 10+ parts long, as I plan the story to be pretty deep, developed and engaging. So, if you are one of those who likes to feel the connection and experience y/n’s adventures aren’t we all wanna be y/n, this might be something for you. Hope y’all like it! also sorry for my grammar english is not my mother tongue

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!“ you screamed inside of your head while rushing to get on a plane. You were almost late and there was not a chance that you won’t be there on time. You just had to, there was no other option. There was already one time when because of you stressy-messy life you suddenly happened to forgot, that the “am” hours are VERY different from the “pm” ones. To no one’s but your surprise, when you came to the airport, your plane was already 12 hours away. Even though you started preparing for todays’ flight two days ago, you still managed to be almost too late. Probably a thing to get a stupidity award for.

As you glanced at your lock screen, you saw a few messages and like a freakin’ TENS missed calls. You quickly read some of these - almost all of them were from your boyfriend, Hoseok. ”Hey babe, u ok?“, ”Heeey, I’m starting to worry bout you, is all good?“, ”Y/n, if you won’t answer me in fifteen minutes, I’ll really send someone to find you somehow. It’s no fun you know???“. Shit! As for now, you had enough on your head to additionally be bothered by your - sometimes a little overprotective - boyfriend.

”I’m ok, leaving in 10 minutes“, you responded shortly, just after you got through the last security check and finally sat your exhausted self on a uncomfortable plane seat accompanied by a loud sigh coming from your mouth. “THANK GOD!! waiting for u babe~~~” Hobi answered a moment before you turned the airplane mode on. Only a few hours left and you will finally be in Korea again. Ah. You forgot to ask Hoseok if he’s going to be waiting for you at the airport when you land. But considering that you texted him that you’re ok, he propably would know that everything is going as planned and he should pick you up… Well, he always does that.

You looked through the window next to you. The sun was slowly going down, making the world slightly orange hued. The plane was already filled with pretty decent amount of people. And you were sitting there, couldn’t focus on anything but the thought of the CHANCE you might be stinking from all of the earlier rush. Trying to discreetly look at your seat-neighbor you’ve searched for any signs of disgust on his face. Fortunately, he was almost asleep. After a quick instructions about eventual emergencies from the stewardess, your flight finally started.

Getting a little sleepy, you put your headphones in and played some chill music. Your mind started to let relaxing thoughts fly through your mind. You could almost already feel the familiar scent of your boyfriends’ perfume bumping to your nose when he hugged you tightly. The image of his comforting body warmness almost covered you like a blanket. You haven’t seen him in a three months, but that was more than enough to make you miss him like crazy. Though he was texting you almost every one hour and FaceTimed you when he could, almost all of these messages were about how bad he wants to touch you, feel you, smell you and all of that stuff. Hoseok is a extremely touchy person and he even makes sure to never let go of your hand when you meet each other. Unfortunately, he didn’t have much time for you these days. Of course you weren’t a stupid ass and you knew that he has to deal with shitload of things with his carrier, friendships and family on a daily basis. Still, it couldn’t stop you from being a little blue sometimes when you two were supposed to go on a date, which at the end never took place. Hobi was trying his best to make it up to you everytime that happened, but you also could notice that he is super exhausted and wanted to let him rest as often as he could. Even when it was only you reading a book and him sleeping with his head laying peacefully on your lap.

"Even a sunshine has to sleep sometimes” you thought sleepily, with your eyes slowly closing. Before you fell asleep, the last thing catching your eye was the warm color of the sky and a shy looking moon subtly showing on the evening sky.

As you wearily raised your eyelids, the only thing you could feel was the numbness of your neck. You woke up an hour before planned landing, but you weren’t able to go back to sleep again. You passed that time with listening to music and trying to make yourself looking somehow decent. It was pretty impossible though, considering that the last ten hours of your life were focusing only on sitting stiff in one position and having no more room to even straighten your legs out. It didn’t bother you as long as you were sleeping, but now you can feel that every part of your body is weak and slightly aching. You brushed your hair and put some mattifying powder on your face, but there was no way you could hide dark circles under your eyes. It didn’t stop your heart to bump stronger with every thought of the fact that you’re going to see your little sunshine in no time.

When you could finally turn the airplane mode off, the message notification popped up immediately. You didn’t even wonder who would that be from. “oh i forgot to say have a safe flight!! <3” A light smirk showed on your face. “I’m at the airport” - you typed lazily, sending a message, then started to write a second one - “you here or I’m taking a cab home? :(“. It didn’t even last a ten seconds when Hoseok responded “u crazy or what, I’m waiting there with a huge sign for over an hour so COME FAAAASR” You laughed at his excitement caused typo as you were waiting for your luggage. Within five minutes you felt your phone vibrating again “how looooooong”. As you looked at the sliding bags, you finally saw yours. You went to pick it up and pulled out your phone one more time “already have my luggage, coming. wanna grab me a coffee? please I’m gonna faint???” you asked Hoseok. Again, he texted you back in no time “no way. it’s 6 am. I’m hungry and probably so do you so we’re going to have a proper breakfast”. You sighed quietly. It’s not that you didn’t wanted to have a breakfast, you just preferred to jump into bed with Hobi and sleep together till the afternoon. Unfortunately, your expectations missed Hoseok’s and you kind of felt the duty of fulfilling his wish. Also, with the somehow desperate sound of the message, you felt in your bones that you two won’t have much time to spend together in the upcoming week. “oh my, ok, but coffee first” you stated and walked down to the luggage drop exit.

“O, sesang-e, nae yeojaae ya, neomu jichyeo beolyeoseo yulyeong-eulbogoiss-eo?????” Hobi shouted in Korean and you understood only “Oh my God”, “exhausted” and “ghost”. Fuck, are you looking that bad?

“As far as I understand you just called me an exhausted ghost” you laughed as you came to him close enough so he was able to lift you up and make a few spins to make you even more dizzy than you already were.

“Nah, just told you how much I love you” he said while spinning you around. Few seconds more and you might seriously throw up. “I know you know saranghae but I wanted to emphasise it, you know. Better! The longer the phrase the bigger the love. You know that saying?”

You two bursted into laugh once again. God, he would always immediately cheer you up. His whole self just expressed happiness and you were sure that even though you were on the edge of tiredness your eyes sparkled exactly the same way as his when he looked at you.

“Where is that huge sign you fussed about?” you asked, pretending to be looking around.

As you couldn’t find the thing you were looking for, you theatrically made an angry pout with your lips. Seeing that, Hoseok’s face darkened a little. To be honest you couldn’t tell if his expression is fake or not, but he suddenly started to also look around and seek for the lost item.

“Oh nooo! Somebody must have took it away from me while I was unconsciously looking to spot you in this crowd.” he dropped his arms down, resignfully. “Guess we have to head for our breakfast without it. Ready?” he asked, reaching for your hand with his. You nodded and took his hand. Of course Hoseok was the one who took care of your huge ass luggage as long as you two walked to his car.

You fell asleep again when your boyfriend drove you to the cafe. The front seat of his car was much more comfortable and soft to be sitting in than the plane one, so it was extremely easy just to close your eyes and let the cozyness wrap you up. Hoseok, noticing your actions, played some quiet but bouncy music on his car radio and jammed subtly, letting his happiness and excitement lead his movements. He was so glad that he had you around again, so from time to time he just unintentionally touched your lap or glanced at your sleeping self. He decided you two shall go to a small coffee place nearby his practice hall. You still had about three hours left for his training to start, so there was no rush to bother you now. As you peacefully slept, he carefully parked his car, being aware not to wake you up accidentally. Before you finally woke up, he watched you for a few minutes with a huge smile on his face. Opening your eyes to that view made your heart bump a little faster. He giggled and bend his upper body to place a subtle kiss on your forehead, making you smile. Reaching for your bag, you opened the car door and walked outside. Hobi quickly walked up to you, pulling you into a hug again.

“Have I told you how much I missed you already?” he whispered to your ear and then kissed your neck tenderly. You felt a little shiver running through your spine, as your cheeks blushed. You started to count on your fingers, which he didn’t notice.

“Like a six times today. Yesterday propably around ten.” He laughed again. Actually, he laughed a lot, but he was the type of person to do so. It took him about thirty more seconds to realise that he should propably let you go and head to the intended destination. It was still really early in the morning, the air was cold and your breath made a steam coming out of your mouth. Snowflakes started to fall down to the ground, making the road slippy. Of course Hoseok had opened the door for you when you walked inside the cafe. Besides you two and staff, there were about five more people at the coffeehouse. Hobi sat you down and went to order something for you both. You followed him with your eyes, as he stood there, having a cheerful smalltalk with the barista. With the help of the employee, he took all the food and drinks he bought and walked over your table. He knew exactly what you like, so it was no surprise when you saw him placing steaming hot, tall latte and huge bagel with egg and veggies before you. You nodded to the waiter with a quiet “thank you” and waited for your boyfriend to sit at the opposite side of the table.

“Do you have work today?” you asked, holding a cup of coffee and sipping continuously. You wished you could just drink the whole liquid straight away, but it was too hot to even take a proper sip. Damn, this man really knew how to stop your stupid behaviour, even unintentionally.

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

"What time do you start?”

"10:30” he responded shortly, cutting off the work topic. You both didn’t like to talk too much about his responsibilities when you were together. Of course, sometimes you had to, but Hoseok always made sure to make this as short as possible. As much as he loved his job, he also loved you, and the carrieer of a k-pop idol wasn’t making it any easier. You took a bite of your bagel. From the slight sharpness of his answer you could deduce somthing wasn’t right.

“Is something bothering you?” You looked at him worried.

“Now? No, not really. I’m just little out of space ‘cause I’m trying to find the closest day when we could have an actual date. We have to celebrate that you came back.” His smile could seriously make the sun come out even on a rainy day. You nodded, and next you just had a casual conversation. There was no need for you to update him on anything, he knew all of what was happening to you during all this time you were gone and so did you about him. You laughed a lot and had a good time, but you still could somehow feel that even though he said everything is ok, it was not. Something in his behaviour was different, but maybe it was really just because of both yours and his exhaustment.

After you ate breakfast, your boyfriend drove you back to your place and walked you to the door. Still sad that he had to leave, you waved at him through the door when you walked into your apartment. Hoseok was still standing there, looking straight at you without even blinking, his arms crossed on his chest. His tender posture seemed like he was trying to hold off something, and you didn’t even know what. Did you do anything wrong? Was he about to tell you something that you thought bothered him in the morning? You furred your eyebrows, unsure what to think, and placed your bag on the luggage standing next to you.

“Hey, what?” you asked as Hobi started to walk towards you, leaving the front door open. You took a little step back, almost unnoticeable, astonished by his sudden determination. Within a few long steps, Hoseok was an inch from you, piercing you with his dark eyes. Suddenly, he made a final step and pinned your body to the wall behind. You gasped just before he pressed his lips on yours. You could feel the pressure of his heartbeat going through your winter jackets, that you didn’t even had time to take off. The kiss was passionate and rough, but still in a gentle way. Hoseok lips were soft, but the confidence pulsing from him made the moment extremely tense. He always expressed all of the emotions growing inside him with his touch. Even when he couldn’t say what he wanted to, at the end he just showed it with his actions, and this situation was the perfect example.

You kissed him back, placing your hands on his back and pressing his body even closer to yours, craving for him to stay longer. Because of your thick jacket, you were slowly getting really warmed up. As Hoseok’s skin got hot, his citrus perfume was even more noticeable. Hobi rushed his hand through your hair, grabbing your waist with the second one, his body trembling a little. You felt your cheeks getting more and more blushed as he was slowly rubbing your back, bottom, then going back to waist again. You were already turned on and your chest got heavy, but Hoseok didn’t even took his lips from yours, not allowing you to catch a single breath. You haven’t seen your boyfriend in such a long time and you also felt his hungriness for your body. His lips started travelling to your neck, leaving a delicately red marks on your skin. Your breath got sharper and you let a quiet moan come out of your mouth.

All of a sudden, Hoseok took back and looked straight into your eyes, both of your faces blushed, breath still heavy. God, he was so beautiful with his dark, dimmed expression.

“I’m sorry” he said, diving his face into your clavicle “I couldn’t just go leaving you here looking at me like that. I’m sorry, really I shouldn’t have done this now.”

"What?” you asked confused. Jesus, all of the words you said in the last half an hour was mostly “what?”. Well, actually, what else you could say after you were making out like crazy for the past three minutes and now he is like “oh sorry sorry we shouldn’t oh sorry sorry nothing happened”?

“Fuck, how do I even explain this to you” he said, shaking his head, with a guilty expression on his face. “Yeah, you better explain it somehow”, you thought “I shouldn’t, ‘cause I have to leave in, like-” he looked at his watch “five minutes, and we propably won’t be able to meet today, even tomorrow” as he counted, your face started to turn sad “I don’t know if even this week” he stated after a short pause. You felt like your heart stopped for a second, but it actually wasn’t anything surprising.

“Oh.” That was everything your smart mind could think of after his words. You weren’t disappointed, why would you be? You knew from the start how a relationship with a freakin’ worldwide k-pop idol would look like. “Hey, I’m not mad!” You felt like you should make it clear. “I’m sure we will have some time together. We can grab lunch or something, it doesn’t have to be long” your tone sounded pretty desperate. He twisted his mouth into a pout as he heard you saying that. He wasn’t irritated with you, just with the whole situation you two were in.

“I’ll try my best” he smiled lightly, then placed a soft kiss on your lips. "But now I really have to go.”

"Let me know when you get there” you said with a kinda sad smile on your face, ‘cause you actually didn’t know what else you could say. His arms let go of your body as he slowly headed back to the entrance. The front door was still opened.

“Love you” he said, blowing you a kiss with a smiling face, slowly disappearing in the corridor.

(if you’re curious what Hoseok said, according to our dear GoogleTranslate it’s “oh my god is this my girl or im so exhausted that i’m seeing a ghost???)

“I got there, boys are sending you their love <3” Hoseok texted you after half an hour. You smirked lightly to your phone screen “give them some love from me too” you replied and continued to unpack your stuff from the suitcase. The apartment was honestly still full of your belongings, you took only the most necessary stuff for your trip. You didn’t need much, considering that you were going to a dance camp, where you were a teacher. “Why three months?”, you could ask. Actually, there was a three camps in a row, all of them a month long. And, humbly saying, you were pretty popular as the choreographer, so everybody went over the moon after it was publicly said that you would be there. You also didn’t want to miss the chance to make your popularity grow even higher. The pressure of being an idols’ girlfriend was still on your mind, so you wanted everyone to think of you as high as possible.

When you unpacked all of your things, you fell onto the couch and turned the tv on. You didn’t really have any plans for the upcoming week, as long as the Hoseok said that he probably won’t have time to meet you. It’s not that you didn’t have any friends - they were not close enough to you to know that you’ve already came back to Korea. To be honest, you actually didn’t mind staying at home for a whole week, watching some tv shows and eating takeaway food and going to work only when you had to. Hobi would propably be agitated seeing this type of behaviour - he always took care of you, making sure you were in perfect health, with a balanced diet. He just wanted to see you happy and sometimes it leaded him to be kind of an overprotective boyfriend, but he was pure with his actions towards you and wanted only all of the best for you. Your pure sunshine.

It still couldn’t stop you from having a human feelings and being sad when your loved one was not around. Like the casual girlfriend, you wanted to do THINGS with your boyfriend, even a simple ones like grocery shopping. Hiya, stop that, what kind of a grocery shopping, when you knew pretty well he had everything that he needed to be done around him done by someone else. It wasn’t a bad thing, you just had a simple desires and a simple thoughts of a simple human being. Even though you sometimes acted like a luxurious bitch you were really down to earth and usually had wishes easy to fulfill. Unfortunately, although he really wanted to, your boyfriend didn’t have time for that. So, most of the time you just worked with different bands and built a choreographies for them at your small dancehall, then headed back to your flat to read some books or watch tv alone. Rarely, you hang out with friends, but as long as you were hanging around the k-pop industry, they also didn’t have much free time. Sounds like a life of a loser, but you actually were pretty happy with how things turned out. It wasn’t frequent that someone like you made such a successful career.

Suddenly, you felt your phone vibrating next to your ear. It was another message from Hoseok, which you didn’t expect, ‘cause you knew he was at the dance practice. You raised your eyebrows as you read “I have something to tell you. Lunch tomorrow?”. At one time you were suprised that he had some spare time, but also you were frightened of the message tone. Something to tell you? Like, what the fuck? He wanted to break up with you or something? No, it can’t be it, earlier today he was sorry for kissing you too passionately and now he would break up with you? No, no, no, it had to be something else. BUT WHAT? “can’t you tell me on the phone? I’ll be worried sick” you responded fast, but then you thought it sounded like you don’t want to have a lunch with him, so you started to quickly type another text “but tomorrow lunch is also ok. what hour?” you replied again. “around 2pm, is that ok with u?” he texted back, not mentioning anything about the previous message you’ve sent. “k, see you then, miss you already” you wanted to soften his heart a little. He messaged you back with just a simple heart and you let your mind make a lot of fucked up stories how tomorrow lunch might end.

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cosmogyros · 5 years

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Cosmogyros turned 10 today!

Holy moly. I’ve been hanging around this blasted hellsite for ten years. It’s stressy and drama-filled, but it’s also taught me so much and shown me so much beauty. It’s made me feel less alone in this fucked-up world, that’s for sure. Thanks Tumblr. You’re a walking disaster but I love you, I guess.

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone #metablogging #tumblr #blogiversary

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Man today was A Chore. I got some good stuff done in the end but the middle of it felt awful and im just relieved it ended on a better note i guess? I had to spend like three hours sitting waiting for a package listening to some horrid old ladies talk about how child abuse is great and all the flaws of modern life stem from the fact we dont smack kids anymore. And like..fuckin.. "Ha ha remember how we used to fail all our classes and lie and hide our grades because we were scared of our parents and do anything to try and make the beatings hurt less BUT NOW IM AN ADULT I KNOW MY PARENTS WERE TOTALLY RIGHT YES" And friggin discussing all these beatings and LAUGHIng?? Laughing about being beaten and about going on to beat their own kids like ha ha this is so fuckin normal and just the logical conclusion of everything?? Like these were GOOD MEMORIES?? Fuck man i was like that gif of the dude with the giant vein in his head it was SO HARD to just sit there and try not to hear what they were saying. I actually ended up buying like 20 scratchcards just cos i was running on autopilot and trying anything to distract myself. (Only wasted 10 pound tho cos i won a few quid along the way and lost it again lol)

And gahhhhh after all that waiting i just get told my package didnt arrive today and i just have to come back tomorrow! So i went home super depressed and had to try and talk myself out of it and yeah. AND THEN i get a phonecall from the post office literally right then, saying 'yo whoops the parcel arrived a lil late, come get it before we close'. It was kinda funny, like me conquering myanxiety self hateness actually summoned a good luck better resolution to the story?? And i rushed down there and managed to get the parcel and all the post office people were REALLY NICE,like they'd gone kinda mom friend on me from seeing me come in and out asking for this parcel for the whole entire day. I dont know either of their names but thank you nice red hair lady in charge of the parcels and scratchcard corner grandma who chatted with me! If i see them again another day i have to go into the post office, i'll be sure to say thanks!

So yeah anyway i FINALLY have everything sorted now to do my Lets Play of the new pokemon game! I probably wont be able to start it til saturday evening or sunday morning though? Cos tomorrow i have the Big Stress of meeting again with my estranged sister and hoping i can maybe repair our bond. I dunno how long we're gonna hang out or even what we're gonna do or if its gonna go well, aaaa!! And then on saturday i need to wake up super early and catch a million buses to get to a cool art class place. Maan its been a busy week lol!

Oh!! And the stuff of actual success today!! Cos yeah some stuff did go well before the big post office trashness, and i need to focus on that instead of the awkward middle. Big good thing the number 1! I met with my support worker and had a really nice meeting in the new cafe in the local library. She was just super nice and gave me a great motivational talk about how i was handling this whole sister thing really well and she was proud of me. She said she got my voicemail i left for her during the whole thing and she was really sorry she was late replying to it and she was really worried how it all went. I totally forgot i even sent her that voicemail during all the mess! So i just got caught up in the panic and forgot to call her back, aaa!! Im glad she knows im okay now! And we had a nice hot chocolate and she said she's also proud of the progress i've made in going out and being social more often, pointing out how when she first met me i was too nervous to go to this cafe and now we're havong a nice day here. And i was like "but thats not a very big accomplishment" and she was like "ITS BIG ENOUGH, BUNNI!!!" Dammnit what did i do to deserve these kind people? *sniff*

Oh, and then she also helped me learn how to post an international package and IT IS FINALLY DONE!! Summon-daze, keep an eye out for parcel number 1, containing 25% of all the books i have for you!! They said it should reach you between 5 to 14 days. Sorry its so long, it seems the christmas rush starts a whole damn month early! *sigh* And i feel proud of myself for pulling it off, it was so stressy and embarassing aaaa. Just the soul pain of asking so many questions of the post office lady and holding up the line and having to go back and forth and be like 'is the parcel ok now? No?' *awkwardly crabwalks back again* But now i know! And i can definateky handle it all better next time! And aaaaa i just really hope it all goes well and i hope she likes the books and i hope i can afford to send the rest soon!

And then also i was brave enough to go to the other cafe too! I had to kill a lot of time so i had a second hot chocolate at the other place lol. That one is more busy and standard restauranty instead of a small library place, so its a little more imposing. And i actually had a small sandwich too! Somehow eating things in public is one degree more scary than drinking a drink? Dont ask me to explain my anxiety lol, even i dont know! XD it was weird eating a sandwich with a knife and fork tho?? Like the lady just gave me a knife and fork and i felt too polite to say 'umm actually i ordered a sandwich so here have them back'. It was a toasted cheese so the bread was all warm and chewy and really hard to cut! Really really nice though, it helped heal my soul from all the stress. Oh and i tried an american root beer for the first time! Its so cool and weird! Like a slightly bitter/salty sweetness combo? And how it foams up like beer even though its a soda??? Thats so WEIRD AND NEATO!!! Oh and umm maybe i should give myself some points for making conversation with the post office people too? I was so awkward and anxietyish so i feel proud that i managed to articulate myself well enough to actually ask for my parcel, and then they were just so nice and tried to chat with me and i...vaguely managed to chat back, lol.

Oh oh oh! And also i bought a shoes! I shall officially dub them The Murder Shoes~! It was a really good deal in a clearance thing at the supermarket, for shoes that actually looked pretty awesome! These big neat boots covered in WAY TOO MANY metal studs and belts and awesomeness! Theyre like goth cowboy aesthetic?? I love them, i dont have too many professional shoes and these are that but also funky cool!

So yeah several good things happened but the bad bit in the middle was just so long and frustrating that it left me in a big downer mood where it was easy to forget the good stuff. Writing it out like this kinda helps! And also to remember i have stuff to look forward to for the rest of the week! And, well, more challenges to face, but i feel more optimistic now!

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rosyfingereddawnn · 3 years

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only the black rose (chapter 6)

pairing: jimmy page x layla porter (oc)

warnings: jimmy page’s stubbornness (and his stressy hands), exposing jpj as the mom friend, fluff

words: 3.4k

author’s note: so this one was fun, but we’re getting into the nitty-gritty of this fic :)) hope you enjoy, and please if you have any feedback it would be much appreciated!

masterlist

playlist

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

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“Mr. Page, you must be extremely careful when taking these,” Dr. Vane lectures, shaking a bottle of pills. “They should help with the pain, but they are very strong.”

Jimmy sits on the side of his hospital bed, hunched over like a young child being lectured for their misbehaviour. His hands are balled into fists, though the injured finger is coiled much looser. In the corner of the small, sterile room, Robert and Bonzo glance at each other, noticing the way Jimmy grits his teeth, curling and uncurling his hands on his lap. He wants out of here, and fast: that’s plain to see.

“Doc, is Jimmy free to go?” Bonzo breaks the fragile silence that had settled over the group, pushing himself off the wall he had been leaning against.

“The anaesthetic has mostly worn off, so he should be good to go when he’s ready,” Dr. Vane turns to Jimmy then, mouth a serious, somber line. “Mr. Page—”

“Please, call me Jimmy.”

“Jimmy, I recommend taking a pill from the bottle we’ve supplied you, very soon. The pain should come back, due to the anaesthetics being out of your system. These are codeine tablets, and like I said before, they are very strong…”

Jimmy tunes out most of the doctor’s words from that point on, too preoccupied with thoughts of the upcoming tour. He knows Jonesy would memorize whatever the good doctor says anyways, the mother hen. Jimmy didn’t realize he had been shaking with anxiety until a cold hand lay across his, pinning it to the bed. He looks beside him, and on the bed sits Layla, brown ringlets a mess from their lie-down in the hospital bed. Jimmy stares back, enchanted by the woman in front of him, as he always is when she’s near. Still holding his gaze, Layla smiles, a question clear in her doe eyes.

“Are you okay, Jim?” she whispers, drawing nonsensical patterns on the back of his hand. He nods, flattened curls bobbing with the movement. Layla isn’t fully convinced, but she lets it go, vowing to keep an eye on the man. Bringing her attention back to Dr. Vane, Layla asks the question on everybody’s lips.

“Dr. Vane, I heard you talking to Peter about this last night… Do we know for sure if he can play or not?”

Silence falls once again like a cloud over the group, as the doctor taps his chin in thought. The mighty Led Zeppelin wait with bated breath to hear the fate of their guitarist.

“I would…” Dr. Vane clears his throat, face apologetic as he glances around the room. “I would advise against it. Ultimately it is not up to me, of course. I can’t make you do anything, but Jimmy, you need to recuperate.”

The room feels as though all the energy had been sucked right out of it, as Jimmy fiddles with a loose thread on the hospital gown he was wearing, disheveled locks obscuring his handsome face as he looks down at his socked feet. Jonesy looks on with pinched features, concerned for the man, while Robert and Bonzo sigh, sharing another wordless glance. Things just got a lot more complicated, it said. Peter sends Jimmy a smile dripping with sympathy, and walks out the door, no doubt to make some important calls.

“Why don’t we all step out of the room, so Jimmy here can get dressed?” Dr. Vane suggests, and the group files out slowly. Layla stands up to follow, stopping in her tracks almost immediately. She turns around then, meeting Jimmy’s sad eyes, gleaming like a diamond in the morning sun, and walks towards him.

“Petal, I don’t…” Jimmy mutters, trailing off, dark curls a veil, hiding him from the world once again. Layla stops in front of him and tips his head up, a familiar hand on his chin. She runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back to see the man’s face. There are stress lines on his forehead, and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears, shining in the artificial hospital light. He looks as beautiful as he always does, to Layla. Jimmy’s lips quirk up subtly in the semblance of a grin, and he presses a kiss to the woman’s wrist.

“You’ll be okay. I believe in you, and you’ll get through this.”

“How can you be so—”

Layla leans down, face to face with the man, and swallows his words with a chaste press of her lips to his. It wasn’t a particularly heavy kiss; their lips moving together softly, but it meant more than either would ever know. It was a kiss of comfort. Finally pulling away, Layla places a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and squeezes lightly, before turning on her heel and walking out the door, leaving the man to get dressed.

Stepping out of the room, she is met with serious faces and whispered discussions of the injured guitarist. Robert and Bonzo are against the far wall, chatting quietly, while Peter, further down the hall, is using the hospital phone, no doubt to see what can be done about the tour. Layla turns her head, and sees Jonesy, who looks up as she nears him.

“Hey, Layla. How are you holding up?”

“I’m not the one with a fractured finger.” Layla snaps, immediately regretting it. She opens her mouth to speak, but Jonesy beats her to it.

“No, you’re not,” The bassist puts a hand on her arm, smiling wryly. “But you care about him. Just because he’s hurting, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to.”

“Jonesy, I… I’m sorry for snapping at you, I’m just—”

“You’re concerned, and that’s okay. Don’t worry, I get it.”

“But I snapped at you, and you didn’t deserve it, in any way.”

“Layla,” Jonesy presses closer to her as he says this, wrapping his arms around her in a comforting embrace. “I know you didn’t mean it. We’re okay.”

Layla looks up at the man, a hint of skepticism apparent on her face. Not believing that he forgave her so easily, so completely, she presses on further.

“Jonesy, how can you be fine with—”

“Look, Layla,” Jonesy chuckles, looking down at her fondly, much to her confusion. “We can talk about your guilt complex later if you need, but I think there’s someone you might want to see.”

“Guilt complex? I don’t—”

Layla spins around as a soft click echoes off the walls, and spots Jimmy, who shyly closes the door to his room. Dressed in a pair of dark flared jeans and a crisp white button up, a black suede coat folded over his arm, he looks sheepish as he walks towards the group, shoulders almost up to his ears. Peter, noticing the entrance of his guitarist, hangs up the phone with a hasty goodbye, turning to face the band.

“Right. Now, we’ve got a lot to talk about,” Peter starts, biting back a sigh. “Let’s all ride back to Swan Song, and go over our options.”

After a short car ride devoid of any chatter, the group finally walk through the double doors of the building, faces drawn and severe. Evelyn, at her post by the front desk, notices the lack of chatter and giggles that usually fill the room whenever the band enters. Finding Layla’s eyes, she reads the worry and concern in them, and lets her smile fall, snuffing out the light that always seems to surround the receptionist. Evelyn walks up to the young woman, placing a hand on Layla’s arm as she turns around to face the receptionist.

“Is everything okay, darling?” Evelyn asks, confusion in her hazel eyes as she stares at the retreating backs of Peter and the boys.

“I hope so,” Layla replies, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of her neck. “There was… an accident, and everything's a little up in the air. I’m sorry, Evelyn, I wish I could stay and chat, but—”

“Oh no, go ahead, darling. Go figure things out.”

With a grateful smile and a nod, Layla rushes to catch up with the group, slipping into the room behind Robert, the mahogany door shutting behind them to prevent prying eyes.

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Standing stock-still in Peter’s office, Layla glances around the luxurious office, taking in the grim faces of her companions. A soft cough echoes off the walls, courtesy of Robert, Layla guesses, if his guilty expression and the hand pressed to his mouth are anything to go by. All eyes are downcast, as hands fold over each other to distract from the silence pressing down on them. It feels like the walls are closing in on them ever-so-slowly, set to suffocate them, until Peter, sitting at the large wooden desk, clears his throat, clapping his hands together. Attention firmly on him, Peter begins to speak, his often kind voice determined.

“I’ve been calling around, and it seems as though we have two options: we postpone the tour for a later date, so Jimmy can heal… Or we continue with the tour as planned,” Peter explains, shifting his gaze to Jimmy now. “Jimmy, how is the finger feeling?”

“It’s good, I took some pain meds earlier. I can tour still.”

“Jim, you haven’t played on it yet.”

“It’ll hold up. I’m fine.”

There’s movement in the corner, as Bonzo crosses his arms over his chest, green eyes soft as he glances at Jimmy.

“Jimmy, I really don’t know if this is the best idea.” This is met by a look of betrayal, Jimmy turning around in his seat to face the drummer.

“Bonzo, I really am fine.”

“Look,” Bonzo presses on, meeting the guitarist’s eyes. “I know you don’t want to let anyone down. The thing is, you wouldn't be in the first place, Pagey. If this injury gets worse, because you played when you shouldn't have…” Bonzo trails off, averting his gaze now, Jimmy’s eyes on him too much to bear.

“Bonzo’s right, Jim,” comes from beside Layla, as Jonesy pushes off the wall to make his point. “Taking some time off would be good, we don’t want to make anything worse.”

“Nearly 18 months is enough time off, Jonesy. Any longer and the fans won’t even remember who Led Zeppelin is. I’m ready.”

“Jimmy, really—” Robert’s reply is cut off by the guitarist’s normally soft voice, hardened with frustration.

“Shows have already been sold out. All the arrangements have been made. Peter, call them back. We’re doing this tour.”

“Pagey… Alright. I’ll call them back, if you’re sure.”

“I am.” This is followed by the scrape of the chair he had pulled up to the desk against the floor, as he stands, and storms out. The remaining occupants of the room lock eyes, panic apparent.

“I’ll go after him.” Layla murmurs, starting towards the door. She knew exactly where she would find him, after all. Easily finding her way through the hallways of the massive building, she opens the door to the studio, spotting him slumped on the drum riser. Guitar in hand, he raises the bruised finger in the air, grip on the fretboard bordering on awkward. Jimmy strums, letting out a wince as the pain rears once again. A grunt full of frustration grinds out past his lips, and he tries again.

“Are you supposed to be doing that? Doctor’s orders, and all.”

Jimmy lifts his head to glance at her, and, with the hint of a sneer at the sarcastic comment, he resumes his playing. Layla huffs, and moves closer, taking in the man before her. His dark hair is falling into his face, casting shadows upon it, and his jaw is clenched, ready to snap as he misses yet another note. Jimmy lets out another frustrated sound, and swipes the hair out of his eyes, as if that was exactly what was messing him up.

Layla takes a seat on the drum riser next to him, and watches, as he fumbles a note she’s seen him perfect many times. Before he can adjust his grip on the fretboard to try again, Layla places a hand on the man’s strumming hand, and keeps it there. Jimmy looks up at her, a glint of determination in his mossy green eyes, brown in the lighting of the studio. His hair shines, jet black curls messy, as though he’s been running his hands through it more often than not. Eyes dropping to his guitar in embarrassment, he opens his mouth to speak, Layla beating him to it in the end.

“Jim, it won’t get better if you keep straining it like this. You know that.”

“Are you here to tell me to give it a rest too? Cause if you are, you might as well just—”

“I’m here,” Layla starts, shaking her head at the stubborn nature of the guitarist. “Because I trust you. You’re the only one that knows how you feel, and I trust you.”

“You do?” Jimmy says, looking up in confusion.

“I do, angel. If you think you’re ready, then I’ll trust that,” Jimmy takes his good hand off the guitar and threads it through hers, caressing the back of it with his thumb in thanks. Layla looks down at their joined hands, and continues. “If you’re rushing this for the fans, though, or because of whatever crazy scenario you’ve thought up in that brain of yours, I think I’m allowed to say I told you so.” The couple smirk at each other, as Jimmy gives the hand in his a warning squeeze.

“Okay, mum.”

Layla unlinks their hands to give him a soft shove to the side, the beginnings of a smile tilting her lips upward. Gripping his arm, she hoists him up to a standing position, and he goes willingly. Jimmy places his guitar carefully back in its rightful place, and stretches out a hand for Layla to take. Walking out of the studio together, hope settles over them like a well-worn blanket.

Hope that everything will be okay.

----------

“Please, just don’t push too hard. You’ve got this, angel.”

After dedicating just under a week to perfecting a new guitar technique, and making adjustments to the original setlist, the band waits in the dressing room of the Metropolitan Sports Center, native to Bloomington Minnesota. Layla’s palm raises, stopping to rest on Jimmy’s shoulder, as he looks down at her, his furrowed eyebrows betraying the picture of calm he was trying to emulate. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, and pulls her to his chest, arms wrapping themselves around her back.

“You can do this. Just remember that, okay?” This is followed by a nod from the dark-haired guitarist, as he smiles gratefully at Layla. A chorus of groans sound from behind them, and, turning around, they are met by the exasperated faces of the others. Already dressed in their stage clothes, they look ready to perform.

“Are you lovebirds done? Bloody saps,” Robert grumbles, the corner of his lip raising in a smirk, the playfulness in his tone obvious. “We’ve got a show to play.”

Following the boys backstage, Layla watches as they slip past the velvet curtain and onto the stage, ecstatic and powerful under the bright lights around them. They pick up their instruments, and with a collective breath and a look shared between them, the band does what they do best: play. The boys launch in, and Layla can’t help but be brought back to the last concert she witnessed. The atmosphere and the enthusiasm amongst the crowd was infectious, and Layla smiles as she looks out from the wings. Robert commands the stage, as usual, while Bonzo and Jonesy link up almost telepathically, creating a beat almost heaven-sent. Jimmy, for as awkward as it looks, three usable fingers grappling with the fretboard, makes the guitar scream and cry and sing. The winces of pain that she can see from her spot are worrying, though. To an outsider, it would seem as though he was simply somewhere else, the guitar becoming one with its handler.

But Layla knows better. She can see the exhaustion in his face, from hours spent bent over his guitar, adjusting the way he’s played for most of his life. She can see the lines of discomfort around his mouth, his lips bitten red out of concentration, from trying his absolute best to put on a good show. As she leaves her post near the stage to tune up Jimmy’s guitars for the next numbers, just as Peter had asked her to, she can’t help but let out a nervous sigh. Layla has seen how just stubborn the man is, how much he wants to succeed, and please the audience. She knows he’ll leave everything out there on stage. She just wonders how much of him there will be left over, in the end.

Completing the rest of the menial backstage tasks, the brunette walks back to the mouth of the backstage area, intercepting the boys as they come off after a thrilling encore, the deafening cheers of the crowd following them as they exit.

“If you keep this up, you’ll really get popular! I’m just kidding, but really, guys, that was incredible,” Layla raves, accompanying them to the dressing room. Bonzo sidles up next to her, wrapping an amicable arm around her as they walk, basking in the glow of her kind words. “All of you did such an amazing job!”

“Do we get a kiss now? Last time you saw us perform, Jimmy got one…” Robert asks, flipping his hair, damp and dark with sweat, off his shoulder.

“You’d like that, wouldn't you, Robert?” Layla chuckles, throwing a smile at him over her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s only fair!”

“In what way is that fair?”

The group finally reach the dressing room, lounging on the comfortable chairs strewn across the room. The boys take turns changing out of their stage clothes, and greet the guests in the room, shaking hand after hand. Soft laughter trickles like a steady stream in the background as Layla, sitting on a loveseat with Jimmy, places a hand on his thigh, prompting his eyes to meet hers.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, petal.” Jimmy’s voice is soft, faraway as his hand meets hers on his lap. The guitarist lets out a sigh, staring at the wall, expression neutral.

“That was a great performance, Jim. I hope you know that.”

“It was… good. It could've been better.”

“You know, I really am so proud of you,” Layla says, turning his head to face her, her fingers at his jaw. She looks deep into his eyes, and he stares back, an unreadable expression on his face. She’s always been able to read him, since the day she met him. Layla feels a pang in her heart, and continues. “It was great, and you made a lot of people happy… even if you’re not 100% yet.”

This is met with silence, as Jimmy lowers his head, hair falling into his eyes. He’s developed a habit of this now, and Layla resolves to break him out of that. His beautiful eyes make her day, after all. Reminders of their stay at the hospital flash through Layla’s mind, and she moves the hand that rested softly on his cheek to the small of his back, rubbing soft circles into the fabric of his stage clothes. He hasn't changed out of them yet, or done much of anything, in fact, trapped in the prison of his self-deprecating thoughts. His gaze lifts from his shoes at the contact, which Layla takes as a good sign.

“Now,” Layla clears her throat, pulling him up from the couch with a small hand at his arm. “Go get changed. You’re all sweaty, it’s a wonder you didn’t get heat stroke.”

“It’s a good thing I have you to take care of me,” Jimmy mutters playfully, a shadow of his usual smile creasing his delicate features. “Seriously, Layla, you could give Jonesy a run for his money.”

“Isn’t it just terrible of me to want to make sure you’re alright?” Layla grumbles, the smirk playing on her lips betraying the annoyed expression she sends Jimmy’s way.

Jimmy chuckles, pressing his lips to the side of her head.

“I appreciate it, petal.”

Walking to the changing room, slipping out of the grasp Layla had on his arm, he sends her a grateful smile over his shoulder. Layla watches him, appreciating the view as he walks away.

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