#<- ik some ppl get weirded out by like. that sort of thing so i figure i should tag it for blacklist

[softstuffs]

shout out to Animal Jam user Skinteeth for inspiring me to draw for the first time in like 3 weeks.

#my art #animal jam #jamblr #animaljam #aj #ajc #thank u also jambusaur in the jamblr server for the screencap #i was inspired #uhhh what else #horror #? #alternate #weirdcore #idk how to tag this #oddcore #analog horror #<- ik some ppl get weirded out by like. that sort of thing so i figure i should tag it for blacklist #if theres a better tag i should use for that lmk bc i dont know LMAO

[archonsabyss]

HELLOOO I AM BACK HEHEHEHEH (@aishasreality) and i am back with another brainrot.

i haven’t finished rafayels myth or any other characters myths but i saw a lot of other ppls theories and stuff explaining them, idk how accurate my theory is so just bear with me. IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE POSSIBLY SPOILED ITS OKAY TO NOT READ MY ASK FURTHER🩷

i heard that rafayel was an assassin out to kill mc (shes a princess or heir of the throne) and lemuria is her opposing kingdom, lemuria needs something from her to revive their civilization back to its glory days (it was her heart or something i forgot) so they sent rafayel (the god of the sea, or just a normal assassin im not sure) to kill her but he ended up falling for her. i heard many other things after that but im not sure which one is canon. SO MY THOUGHT IS THAT yk its like a romeo juliette situation and ik my man be going through it when hes wavering. its either his homeland or his love, hes so torn on the choice he had to make, he has multiple failed assasination attempts bcs he wavered when he sees how geniune mc loves him and multiple thoughts of treason. in the myths i think mc discovered his intentions and willingly gives her heart but rafayel ended up erasing her memory of him and committing treason to lemuria.

but WHAT IF before he erased her memory mc made the decision for him and killed herself with his blade when he was hesitating AHHH THE ANGST THE DRAMATICS I LIVE FOR IT this would make a GREAT ANGST FIC something along the lines of “this choice hurts you either way, so im making the decision for you”

BONUS IF RAFAYEL BECAME BERSERK AFTER HEHEH tyrant of some sort bcs yes he gave lemuria honor and became king but at what cost….

(idk how much of this is canon and theory tbh)

₊⊹ I just want you to know everything you say is I'm literally noting them down! Ur mind is hella creative and all these ideas whether Canon or Fanon is fic worthy! You're giving me whole new perspectives, I barely have time to fully invest in l&ds story / lore but everything you say makes so much sense! Also that's the thing about fanfiction, it doesn't necessarily have to be Canon. Somehow putting 2 and 2 together between what you've mentioned and what little I know so far, my eyes are drooling lmao. like I'm so so interested and pumped to get this on the road whtvr it is.

My brain may just explode with the amount of excitement and eagerness I'm feeling with every ask you send.

I live love laugh for the dramatics and the angst 😈 I cannot express it enough, but they evoke such intense emotions within me I seem insane to most people because I cry ugly at angst and throw tantrums at fluff. but nothing makes me react more than a good angst. I go on character Ai just to experience angstrom heartbreaks, toxic relationship, morally grey scenarios , and yandere behavior! I'm literally insane but it's so fun. I love crying I know it's weird but I just do😌

Also that last bit about RAFAYEL GOING BERSERK. IT'S WHAT I NEED, EVERYTHING AND MORE.

#₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ abyss inbox 📩 #₊⊹ @aishasreality ⊹₊ #I'M ACTUALLY SCREAMING THIS IS SUCH A DAMN GOOD IDEA #MY DRAFTS PILING UP #i'll work on a story base aka plot this month <3 #love and deepspace #rafayel

[loving-n0t-heyting]

Out of curiosity what do you dislike about Ada Palmers books

so tbc i made my way thru vol 1 of terra ignota and the first bit of vol 2 before quitting, so im working with a limited sample. but such is the case with dismissal! so here goes:

the prose is... bad. its very likely i should just develop a higher tolerance on this, ik im effectively gatekeeping myself from some very conceptually solid fiction over a relatively superficial skill detached from the stuff that really deeply matters, but the style on a sentence-to-sentence level is just very underwhelming, which is a particular problem when in universe its supposed to be elevated and uplifting (like the speech at renunciation day). i dont mind purple prose but it like marries imo the worst aspects of purple and bland, its a chore to get thru it

the pacing feels sort of mechanical and arbitrary,. every fifty pages, on the dot, theres another twist pulled from the Twist Bag! im told this im proves but its a) not enough to make up for the other deficits and ii) a common thing said when it takes a certain amount of time for ppl to inure themselves to an in fact persistent defect in a long work

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (But Your Kink Is OK)

i do not care about these characters. its hard for me to go into more detail bc i have little grip on what makes characters "work" for me in general but i just. dont care what happens to any of them (besides best not-girl eureka weeksbooth 🤤)

the worldbuilding. by far the biggest letdown. ppl will tell you—repeatedly, at length—that this is the great strength of the series. do not listen to them! they are misguided. ada palmer is really good—gifted, even—at the first step of worldbuilding, much moreso than most writers! shes top notch at coming up with a broad element of the society that makes you think "whoa, i want to know how that works!" and then... you never do. the depths are never plumbed. the depths are never even adequately hinted at. nor are the depths even conspicuously hidden from view! she just... tells you that there are a bunch of totally complicated details, trust me guys, look here i came up with some technobabble and some percentages like i totally promise theres stuff going on behind here! but there just, so aggravatingly obviously isnt! the technobabble does not even give the illusion of depth, the way (imo) it does in almost nowhere, it gives the appearance of earnestly trying to project such an illusion. tears me out of the immersion every time. its probably worth mentioning that i know from firsthand reports that she is into larp stuff irl, which is notorious for attracting ppl with a high tolerance for would be un-suspensors of disbelief. which, again, may be a virtue on their part! but if so its one i lack, at least here

i was talking to birdblog who suggested much of it might be that the work is very capital-L Liberal, and i am very not. which i think is kind of true, but less in that this is a drawback it possesses and more that its a virtue it lacks. theres lots of fiction i enjoy that is transparently committed to big philosophical/moral/political claims im vehemently opposed to! off the top of my head: any shakespeare that involves kings, any bernard shaw that involves Society, log horizon (at least s01, havent seen past it), nausicaa of the valley of the wind (the manga, the movie is sort of opaque philosophically), a bunch of outright propaganda films from wwii (american, british, russian, japanese), several kipling short stories...

but like, i think that a visceral sympathy for the earnestly felt message of a work of art does help one excuse other flaws, and i suspect a lot of my fundamentally Liberalism-oriented friends are able to enjoy the series bc the author shares that same basic vision. which is certainly like, an interesting one! but on its own its not enough to compel me past the artistic demerits by being either spiritually akin to encourage me or sufficiently weird and novel to fascinate me

anyway, tell me why im wrong, terra ignotans! humani nihil a me alienum puto

#ask #spacific-sunrise #terra ignota

[enlighten3d]

(this might become a tradition lmao of me throwing oc lore at you while you’re probs alseep) okok so the main families in the story are the beckett’s (we know all about them), the biswar’s (janette’s family) and the rivera luzardo’s (carmela’s family)! there’s another one but their not as important to the story at the moment!

Basically janette’s family’s deal/literally janette’s life story (so sorry this is so long akdhdl) is:

-Mum continued the family cult and roped janette’s dad/her husband into it

-When janette and her sister were born, janette’s dad up and left with janette’s sister Mary (name to be changed btw) and janette didn’t have contact with them until she was in her early 30’s

-Her mum made her life shit (its a cult what did you expect tbh/silly) meaning she was very reliant on her mum for most of her teenage years/early twenties

-Janette killed her best friend Huan Lin (cult reasons)

-Then her mum (who’s name is Diana) got really sick and was given a year left to live and janette,who was 25, was like ‘oh thank god i’m out of here’ and left before she could see her mum die

-And basically spent her late twenties running around the cities, trying to catch up on everything she’d missed in her very closeted life (music, alcohol, friends, work etc)

-Then her guilt caught up to her in the form of her best friend’s ghost and her mum’s ghost and went back home to the town that she was raised in to dismantle the cult

-that is basically where the main story starts but the dismantling of the cult isn’t going well (she’s basically started it up again)

YEAH SO. THATS HER LIFE? I was going to go into the other families but i will do that laterrr (janette was stuck in my head today) but yeah yeah as always any questions are welcomeee

yes this might and i am all for it, i love waking up to see Lore and eating it and replying to it like hours after ive seen it bcs i procrastinate too much

mary... why do i get the feeling that something Bad happened to her. its either that or she left and never heard anything abt this ever again and now lives happily on like... a fucking farm or some shite.

was janettes reunion w mary and her dad okay... were they Weird.. why didnt her dad take her too.. was it the courts. i bet it was the fucking courts.

okay but also DID JANETTES DAD (does he have a name? if not can i name him charles. /nf) K N O W ABT THE CULT STUFF?? HOW DID HE AND DIANA MEET?? DID HE FALL IN LOVE W THIS GIRL, GET MARRIED, EXPECT A HAPPY LIFE, AND BOOM, WEIRD CULT SHIT. SORRY BRO, YOUR SKINS BOUTTA BE STOLEN (yes ik that they (prolly) dont steal skin, its just funny to say it like that). or did he Know what he was getting into and think 'i can fix her'...... stares at him 👁️ What Is Up With You...

does mary know anything at ALL abt the cult......

.are the Cult Reasons the same reasons that carmela cut off ryans arm (i THINK those are the right names..). Are They. Are They.

the ghosts.. does everyone get a ghost ? or is it just the cults/ppl who got sacrificed for weird cult bullshit. can only ppl who are.. oh i cant think of the word so ill just say Attached to them see them? or it just everyone. or yeah, is it a sort of 'you knew this person + were instrumental in their death' thing.. (do ppl who died and then got resurrected (ahem, janette, ahem) get ghosts. do they see ghostly versions of themselves... (this is getting too close to the dsmp /silly) probably not, right. MORE OF A HEATHERS-STYLE THING YEAH?? GETTING TORMENTED??

bro the cult would have disappeared if you didnt Meddle........ oh well, L

does she get haunted by the ghosts to this day (i think she does?? you mentioned smth like that near the start i think)

damn janette. thats some shit indeed...

#asks #am i allowed to suggest names for mary or #i have so many questions abt janettes dad #and abt the cult rituals and shit #HOW DOES THE CULT ACTUALLY FUNCTION. #DOES THEIR WORSHIP POWER THE SPIRITS IN ANY WAY??????? #👁️ #anygays thank you for the food (: #gods my tendency to ramble in tags is back #it was much much worse than this back when i did tumblr rw rp i promise you #ive hit the tag limit soooooo many times #murder lesbians

[clovis-enthusiast]

Hi! What are your thoughts of a child of Aphrodite trying to pursue a relationship with Clovis? I feel like Clovis would be really shy/blushes profusely whenever he’s around them or whenever they try to make a move on him and he would try to deny it but will eventually accept it (also happy to find ur blog-made me more curious about Clovis!)

hi hi!! so sorry 4 the late reply, i hardly ever check my notifs if im not on my laptop T^T

im actually a HUGE fan of exploring clovis and aphrodite cabin dynamics!! i even ship mitchell, valentina, and drew with clovis (not all together ofc but as separate ships!) :D

ok ok so on one side we have a demigod whose godly parent is the literal embodiment of love and the other side we have a demigod whose parent is the literal embodiment of sleep; i think it's a very goofy and cute dynamic!!

here we have a demigod whose godly parent is LOVE thus making their life very motivated, inspired, and directed/guided by love (of all types!), and a kid who is lucky if he even knows what year it is. imagine being someone who has had so MUCH LOVE front and center in their life and being surrounded by half-siblings that share this trait with you and then you try to flirt with clovis 💀

since clovis seems to be very "go with the flow" and more in the dreamscape than reality at any given time, i think that would make it all the more difficult to even get him to even consider the possibility that flirting is what's going on let alone someone flirting with HIM. like he went through the trouble of showing nico the counselor meeting and didnt seem to notice that gee nico is rlly rlly focused on will weird. he's so relaxed and unbothered that detecting social cues or picking up on subtleties and viewing things as anything other than neutral demigod-to-demigod interactions just isn't something he particularly excels at. why would he need to? he's usually sleeping, so that sort of stuff doesn't concern him all that much because why would anyone be interested in him romantically much less flirt with him??? that doesn't make any sense??? so it's not so much him being unconfident or hard on himself as much as it is just his "logic."

that's how he regards his interactions with people in general... now once more: this is the APHRODITE cabin. they're generally nice, and even if it is flirting, aren't they all kinda flirty by nature? (not accurate in reality ik just bear with me here)

and for a while, DREW ran the cabin. the same drew who literally called clovis "repulsive" and seems to have some beef or just general dislike for him. with her being the head counselor (and even when she steps down, she's still an older camper with influence in her cabin) and thus being who clovis might immediately associate the cabin with due to interactions as a fellow head counselor, it seems unlikely that anyone from that cabin thinks that highly of him. and if they did, could it be a form of rebellion AGAINST drew and not actual general interest? or just some sort of cruel joke or even just the easy way out of that weird old aphrodite tradition?

i also headcanon clovis as just. Chill. Unbothered. Not Aware of Social Norms in general. he's the type to hug/lean on his friends lazily, cuddle with ppl he doesn't even know all that well at the campfire bc they're comfy, offer to share his bed with someone who is having nightmares, etc. just bc he has far less experience with actual human interaction as opposed to dreams where he can control them as he wishes. who is he to say someone isn't just being friendly/polite to him or thats just how ppl act?

that all being said though, people wanting/trying to keep him up long enough to talk to him, get to know him, or hang out with him as opposed to just to get some sleep, help with dreams/nightmares, or info on gods and whatnot, IS something unusual enough for him to notice. so when a nice, pretty aphrodite camper visits him and asks to go strawberry picking or sits by him at the campfire or asks him about HIS dreams or compliments him with no hint of malice/dishonesty in their voice, THAT can be enough to catch his attention. and THAT is when the ✨️confused flustering✨️ occurs.

this eepy boy is touch-starved, friend-starved, all KINDS of starved AND honestly just taken for granted/neglected when it comes to living in a camp full of adhd kiddos with demigodly powers so when someone whose godly parent is LOVE starts showing affection and attention to him? WOWIE UHHHH WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO????? and i think that's a lot of what gets him so flustered in such new, intense interactions: the whys? and what do i do's? and even the how does this make me feels? and do i really deserve this's? getting all worked up with that sort of stuff in ur head is gonna stress ya out and stress makes ya... well... exhausted. sleepy.

i think it would def take a LOT of time and patience when it comes to anyone pursuing a child of hypnos romantically, and i think the aphrodite cabin is just the right type of ppl to take on that challenge. being experts in all sorts of different forms of love whereas clovis is mostly only ever by himself in the land of make-believe so to speak, they're the perfect types of demigods to help clovis explore uncharted waters and be gentle and kind enough to not be too pushy to make him uncomfortable but just pushy enough to make sure he knows that hey, im being flirted with, that's something that can happen and i am worthy of having happen to me, and help him figure out his love languages (while also enjoying the cute reactions during this process uwu).

and when it comes to teasing/flustering, the possibilities for silly pet names ("dreamboat/dreamboy", "sleeping beauty", "bedhead" (affectionately), etc) and cheesy pick-up lines ("you must be tired from running through my dreams all night" "I've never met someone as cute as you; pinch me i must be dreaming" "aren't you the sweetest dream I've ever had", etc.) are endless and hilarious. whether or not he actually picks up on it or it goes whoooosh over his poor sleepy widdle head, at least it's entertaining.

and in the end, i doubt there are truly many other significant others who would be as gentle, comforting, comfortable, thoughtful, and soft all the way around as the gods' eepiest soldier.

this is kinda lackluster bc im tired myself and i havent spent time actually sitting down and writing up concepts in YEARS so i might answer this question again sometime with a better response and better concepts and ideas!! my brain's all rusty lo siento T~T but thanks for the question!! I'm always down to talk abt my BOYYYYYY!!!!!

and aaaa that last part made me so happy u have no idea im always so grateful when i can remind ppl that Clovis exists or make them reconsider him as an important or special character 🥹💛

#pjo #percy jackson #hoo #toa #personal #me #heroes of olympus #the trials of apollo #trials of apollo #hypnos cabin #cabin 15 #clovis #clovis-enthusiast #ask #asks #answer #answered #anonymous #anon ask #mine #my post #answered ask #aphrodite #aphrodite cabin #cabin 10 #percy jackson and the olympians #riordanverse #rick riordan #rrverse #crookedcosplays

[enchanting-grom-fright]

todays events

first we went to an art musuem, which would be exciting buttt it actually wasn’t that good. i wasn’t told that we were going to the area so i dressed trad goth which got me called a “lesbian slut” by two college aged guys which like.. wtf ?? also during this time i wasn’t speaking but i was with my family who were talking and also people in this area r veryy like talkative ?? ig so that just led to a lot of just uncomfortable interactions bcs like my mom just started talking to them like for me (and like not in a helpful way, like in a way were she was just Deciding how i feel abt stuff and going abt telling ppl it despite her having no way of knowing ?? which like isn’t anything new but i still hate it everytime like. i think i am very good at masking, generally people can’t tell that i’m autistic, but obviously i’m not able to be like that 24/7 so there r times where it is just like obvious and this was one of them and as. soon. as that happens my mom just starts treating me like some sort of pet and that makes it clear to everyone else that they should do that too ?? and like again it’s not like she was talking for me to like be helpful at all she was just talking For me). anyways also during that same museum visit it was weird people were like talking to me and for like a solid fifteen minutes or so i genuinely could not decipher a word anyone was saying like yk when u head that someone talked but it doesn’t sound like words for a few seconds so u ask what and then ur like ohhh wait ik what u mean ?? well it was like that sort of i hesr u talking but just akdixyjsdocushccyyhsixizjdhdj and not words except my brain never deciphered it and it went on for quite a while and it was reallyyy inconvenient.

but then we went to another art museum in like the one cool part of town and it was sooo cool. it had like artist studios and it wasn’t quite like a typical style but it had so much cool shit. it had some super cool modern art that my mom then started like loudly hating on for a weirdly long amount of time (this mildly annoyed me bcs i loved it but i wasn’t abt to say anything to her abt it so). anyways that was great

then we around some shops to get lunch but my mom got really upset and started yelling ittt kind of sucked but wtvrr. then she let me walk around alone for a while(thank god) and there’s this place i found that had sm cool like outdoor art like i wanted to stay there foreverrrrr

after that we stopped by the grocery store bcs my aunt needed to get more while we were out and i got a lot of stares bcs we were back in the icky part of town. but while we were there i found this like bright pink snake thing and i got like mesmerized with it for a few minutes before i realized i had lost my mom and brother but then i found them anddd then we went back to my aunts house

[teethkid67]

teeth!!!! it is me again!! i have more questions about block party!!! so ik you said that people can be revived if they are buried after a day. is it this way everywhere, even outside of the neighborhood (like Walmart, Tommy's school) or is this neighborhood just some weird eldritch being that like summons people into it and the rules of life and dead work different there??? or like what do people outside of the neighborhood think of ppl just like coming into existence and dying and getting revived?? just wondering :] worldbuilding is so funky y'know?

YES YES so id say closer to the second option? theres this aspect of bp where the world doesn't really like.... Exist... beyond the neighborhood & surrounding areas/beyond the story.

the ultimate thought characters have that comes with block party happenings is something along the lines of "oh right" - theres an initial objection to things like coming back to life, the lack of police, the general politics (being kidnapped and kept in a basement for example) before theyre hit with that "oh right silly me this is normal" sort of recognition. so theres an aspect of Wrongness ... this feeling that something isnt quite the way it should be.... but its always fleeting and inevitably characters become indifferent.

like. when dream kills everyone for the first time? that first final control room? that is intended to be a wholehearted and genuine final murder. and when it isnt - when you wake up on sunday and go to church and the kid you saw with his brains blown across your carpet is up and moving like it never even happened - theres a recoil of disgust and horror before you "remember", because some intrinsic part is aware that this is Fucked and Not the way it should work.

To clarify as well this is the death rule:

this is why

wilbur becomes "ghostbur" post nov16 (cant find/recover his body immediately and he becomes different)

karl has memory issues (i think its post red festival? this is more h's area, but being dead without burial fucks his brain up)

as far as spatially? everything beyond the BP setting is.... normal i guess. its sort of like BP Setting has a little bubble surrounding it. the inhabitants think its normal, anyone who arrives inevitably settles into it & agrees that its normal, once youre in then youre In and youre not ever really out . leaving just isnt really an Option

school and work is sort of similar. its not necessarily an aspect of the story but it helps to give that grounding sense of normalcy as well as deepen theee conflicting? nature of everything thats happening. you work a 9-5 and go home to the kid you have chained in your yard. your older brother picks you up from school so you can go duel for your house back. its ridiculous

#block party #world building #<-? #man i love block party so much i forget it sometimes.... #dsmp #almost added an h quote about sweaterduo water rising history but it just didnt quite fit #really fun aspect of bp though i might talk about it some day #the 'oh right' is such an early block party aspect uhguhughhh its just sooo. its so

[princesswithsomeinterests]

My jumbled thoughts about the Barbie movie:

Things I Liked

The set design was really cool. Everything in barbie looked so plastic and fake; it reminded me of the old Barbie dream house in my room

The way the barbies and kens would float around like someone was playing with them was a nice touch. You can also see background barbies and kens standing still like dolls during scenes which was neat

I thought the acting was good overall. I’ll admit I was a Ryan gosling naysayer at first but he really played his part well!

Things I Didn’t Like/ Things That Made Me Go 🤨

The humor didn’t hit for me at all, which wasn’t surprising bc the jokes in the trailer weren’t funny to me at all. I especially didn’t like the cellulite joke, but I’ll get into that later…

The soundtrack

After the first act, the plot of the movie felt all over the place. There were multiple plot points going on and I feel like the movie didn’t know how to juggle them all. Barbie wants to be a normal doll again, ken wants to be seen, then there’s the strained mother-daughter relationship plot, a feminism plot, proving Barbie dolls are empowering, Mattel being sort of evil AND barbie learning to become human 😭. Like there was WAY too much going on imo and it made the movie feel very cluttered

It feels like they forgot about the Mattel businessmen after they went to Barbie land bc they’re barely mentioned afterwards

The movie states that Barbie dolls are empowering for young girls (which is true for some), but it’s very dismissive of criticisms towards Barbie and Mattel as a whole. The Sasha character brought up some good points about Barbie not being inclusive to certain ppl and making some girls feel bad about their bodies. She also talks about how Barbie hides behind an empowering image but is still ultimately a tool for Mattel’s capitalist greed. The movie disregards Sasha’s valid criticisms by making her call Barbie a FASCIST!!! Idk it seemed like they wanted the audience to see her as a stereotypical raging liberal bc that fascist comment was unneeded. Also, the movie doesn’t bother challenging or responding to her criticism.

They fall right into Sasha’s criticism when Barbie becomes upset about having cellulite. Ik that was a joke but doesn’t that just reinforce that there’s little body diversity in Barbie to the point where they’re not not used to having any form of fat. It was also a weird joke to make when there’s only one fat barbie in the movie

The feminist message felt like it was all over the place to the point where it was difficult to understand what they were trying to get across. Like Ik at base level all of gerwig’s films have an ‘I love being a woman’ ending but idk…Like if the barbies are so empowered and women centered why did they fall for the kens’ patriarchy so quickly. I’m expected to believe these are a strong and smart group of women but they were swayed by the Kens in like a few hours 😭.

The Barbies forgave the kens too quickly imo. Those men stole their homes, oppressed them and treated them like objects and were forgiven so easily. Like yea we can feel sympathy for the kens since they feel like accessories but we’re expected to overlook the way they oppressed the barbies??? This muddles the feminist message imo

They ignore the intersectional aspects of being a woman like race, sexuality, disability etc but that was to be expected tbh. It makes me wonder what’s it’s like to be a minority in Barbie land like do they just ignore race or??? The movie goes out of its way to overlook those aspects in favor of preaching about a very broad form of feminism

#me #barbie #barbie spoilers #whew this was a lot and I have other thoughts but that’s enough for now #it’s just a meh movie to me but Ik it’s gonna be seen as a feminist masterpiece but it really isn’t… #long post

[cogbreath]

suicide discussion (im fine im just musing on it in a ethics and social context)

rlly weird the way some people view the concept of a loved one committing suicide like on this tv show this guy had hanged himself and his friend found him and my mom said "its truly the most fucked up thing you could do to someone who loves you" (referring to them finding you dead from suicide) and thats just. so bizarre to me actually. and also kind of sucks. like idk personally imho hypothetically i'd...want to be found? so people know what happened to me? i think it'd be worse if the person couldn't be found if it was unclear where they went ans what happened to them and then the loved ones often get attached to a sliver of hope that perhaps theyre somewhere out there alive and might come back someday...... i mean honestly end of the day though i wouldn't feel it's truly appropriate to criticize about the way it went. like yeah its tragic but i really do not enjoy when people think that way like truly it should be compassion for the victim because nobody gets to that point without being in a lot of pain or discomfort in life. so it feels like almost a post-mortem act of kicking them while theyre down. and ik ppl always say everyone greives differently but idk it just seems real fucked to sort of guilt someone for committing suicide because of how it's affecting you, especially bc of how many peoples last notes were apology after apology and begging their loved ones to not hate them for it and its just that the suffering they were in was too much for them to bear.

#suicide cw #death cw

[sunberry-strawflower]

Hi so SIF2 came out a week ago and I decided I'd post how I feel abt it so far (as someone who played the original SIF for nearly 7 years)

Pros:

1. Calibration is SO MUCH BETTER OMG. The last game's engine must've sucked or something bcz the rhythm was so weird. You had to change your calibration every 3 secs it was awful😭the only reason I even full combo'd most of the songs is bcz of the timer cards. Now in SIF2 I just had to set my calibration to 3 and I was good to go like the notes actually went with the beat.

2. Most (keyword being most) of the cards are really pretty and well done! I can tell they went all out with these initial URs they are GORGEOUS MY GOSH. And the first event URs are really good!

3. The home menu is a lot cleaner. I rlly like it!

4. OVER 500 SONGS HOLY COW. Ofc more doesn't equal good BUT if you know Love Live you know almost all of their songs slap I can't rlly think of any bad ones. I'm so happy they added their whole song catalog.

5. 3% UR rate instead of the last game's 1% thank God.

Cons:

(Note some of these are just some personal gripes I have with it)

1. Still no co-op live for some reason? Like maybe when an event rolls around there'll be one but idk why we need an event to do co-op lives. Plenty of other games have co-op lives without any events and the Rhythmic Carnival was a thing back in LLSIF and that stopped being event based why do we need events to do co-op lives? </3

2. We can't sort by characters in member lists. There are WAYYYY too many characters for us to just sort them by group come on😭what if I just wanna see my (not that great) collection of Keke cards? But nooo I have to see all of Liella.

3. Remember when I said most of the cards were really pretty? Well yes they are but then there's that some that I don't rlly like that much tbh.. Like You's card for example. I saw quite a few ppl like it bcz of the background and all that and I get that but ngl You's butt being in most of the shot kinda rubs me the wrong way like I get she dives but can't we just use a different camera angle? Why do we have to focus on her butt? She's SIXTEEN. Alsoalso some of the nijigaku and liella cards don't rlly do it for me--maybe it's cause of the differing art styles from the muse and aqours cards idk. I will say tho that Chisato's new event card and cards like Ayumu and Emma look AMAZING imo.

4. You can't set certain songs as favorites and sort them by your favorite :( that would've been a great feature to add especially bcz of the amount of songs there are. Looking for some of my favorite songs is a pain sometimes even with the member sorting system cause there's just SO MANY SONGS. Ik I just said 500 songs is great AND IT IS BUT PLSS LET IT BE EASIER TO SCROLL THROUGH </3 you can only scroll by like 3 songs it's pain.

5. The "Live 2D" is kinda disappointing to me. Like yea they move but that's kinda it. They don't change poses and bcz of that they aren't rlly that expressive. Poor Muse and Aqours especially they've been stuck in those same poses since 2013-2016 LET THEM MOVE MORE PLEASE💔also the "lip syncing" is just random mouth movements it doesn't actually sync with what they're saying.

6. I find the texting system to be very limited and tedious. I know it's the only way to bond with your members (other than grinding songs but bond points are given at a snail's pace with that method) and the chats don't last very long but aaaaa I just find them so boring. Even the group chats. And I can understand the gist of what they're saying so it's not like I don't understand. It's just boring.

7. There's not a lot of master charts for songs tbh--at least not satisfactory enough for me. Only 240+ out of the 500 have master charts for some reason? I know most rhythm games also have a limited number of master charts, but their expert/extreme charts make up for it. LLSIF's expert charts are so easy for me. Maybe it's cause I've been playing for a long time idk. I'll cut them some slack for this one tho bcz the last game also had this issue.

8. They removed a good majority of features SIF had. The rhythm game screen, notes, etc. aren't as customizable, you can't message your friends anymore, nor can you look at your friends activity like stories they read and cards they got. You remember side stories from the last game? Welp, they're gone. Remember the sticker shop? That's gone too. Support members? Gone. N girls? Gone. Blue vouchers? Nope. School idol skills? Screw those, amiright? They removed so many things that made School idol festival...School idol festival.

In conclusion, uhmm it's alright. The rhythm game is fun but that's abt it </3 I can't help but be a little disappointed by this game simply because they took away so many features the original had and the features they did add weren't rlly doing it for me.

The fact a lot of the player base lost their accs for this is rlly upsetting.

I still have hopes this game can improve. Especially because it's in its first week so I don't wanna be TOO harsh. But with the way it is right now, I can't rate SIF2 any higher than a 6/10 :(

#this is just me stating my opinion on the game so far #it might change but right now...yea #I typed wayyy too much but look when I start talking abt something it's hard for me to stop-- #anywayz sif2 come on I believe in you #you can do better than this #sif2 #love live! #love live! school idol festival #love live! school idol festival 2 #love live! school idol festival 2 miracle live #LLSIF2 #llsif2ml #sif2ml #love live #love live school idol festival #love live school idol festival 2

[bulldyke-rider]

ok hi imma rant idc idc idc just plz tolerate the mental illness for a min so sorry i h8 sending asks bc i feel like ppl will get mad at me bc i type silly and interacting irl is so much easier for me but i know no one i can say these things to irl. but anyways whoever tf keeps shitting on gnc lesbians can stfu like your gender conforming hettie ass will never understand. it is so fucking lonely and isolating being a masc lesbian (or any kind of gnc woman) i desisted my senior year and ended up in a mental hospital partially bc i knew literally no one like me. like fucking imagine you go out every day and you literally never see a person like you. idk whenever i beat the dysphoria all the way (i am almost there cbt is a beautiful thing) im goin back to my based idc about pronouns era but no one better give me shit for temporarily choosing what is currently the most socially acceptable route for gnc lesbians. like how tf am i supposed to function i get scowled at in public ppl avoid me i know exactly 2 masc lesbians i met one in the psych ward the other im tryna fuck but idk if she’s ghosting me or in court ordered rehab rn soo. im not attracted to feminine women whatsoever it’s so sad bc they are all in love wit me and i can’t even tell my friends im not attracted to them bc they’ll be like “oh you’re lesbian/str8 that means you’re attracted to femininity kinda transphobic to be exclusively into masculine afabs” bc everyone equate woman wit femininity i am so close to being t4t gay trans man istg at least then i’d have a dating pool bc all the masc women transitioned and like it’s understandable like i get it fr i was there too i’m still there sort of. like they did nothing wrong they were just lied to and i’m so sad for them bc like i remember being suicidal bc of dysphoria but like there’s things you can do to make it better i wish i could tell them i wish it wasn’t so fucked up i wish it wasn’t so lonely i wish i had some drugs im too broke rn i wish she would get out of rehab and text me back she’s so hot i just want 1 person who knows and understands but like ughhhh i want gender to be abolished i hate it

plz be nice 2 me ik im weird i just want someone to listen fr 😸

Girl, I hope she gets out of rehab and you live happily ever after

#being real it isnt just straight women who do this #its usually more feminine lesbians and bisexual women who say the shit im complaining about

[tele-mesmerism]

rly out of the blue but omg i dont think i entirely get the intense hate for like.. book rec posts or w/e that only say like. hey this has f/f enemies to lovers (ETC yk what im talking abt) and the title. many different summaries are easily available you know where to find them. and it is. not unusual or weird to rec books with only the title and 1 thing abt them LIKE i literally have a booklist pamphlet right next to me thats just books from around the world by continent. and thats just 1, you can walk into a library and see loads of little pamphlets with the same kind of criteria as the things ppl say in those lists. and personally. ive found some great books thru those! bc yeah i DO want to read fantasy aro assassins and autistic romance novels and poly xianxia whatever. its just a bit of information to start from. & ik the criticism is also smth like assigning/ sorting ff tags to books but idk why. that matters really. mad people just want to read the same thing over and over?? youre going to be so mad when you find out abt the cookie cutter amish isekai and murder mysteries with baking or cat pun titles and so on. idk some ppl do just like to read only 1 kind of thing and thats no ones business but theirs. im glad theyre reading!

#🐇📚 #idec abt like.. concern that only reading the same trope over and over or w/e sm1 is going to have a confined (?) world view #reading novels for enjoyment isnt the only way to learn abt other ppl

[noblechaton]

Well I for one would love to hear that story!

okay! um. I'm gonna try not to get too personal or w/e but I've also never really............talked about this before so uh here it goes! also sorry this is gonna be long lmao

I've sorta always known that I was........well. queer! and I mean that seriously too - I still remember feeling weird and different as far back as kindergarten in a way that lasted thru my entire school career despite obviously not really understanding any of it way back when with that sorta being how things were as I kept going thru school. like I knew I wasn't like everyone else around me but of course I didn't know like why or how or what it meant that I thought both sides of the room were cute or why I'd had feelings towards friends of the same gender and it was something I just sorta sat on for the bulk of my life up till into high school where I started learning more about LGBTQ stuff on my own time and finding it represented in places (like funny enough in Doctor Who) that helped further my curiosity and with more knowledge I sorta started understanding myself more as a result and like I think I realized I was (or at least identified most with being) bisexual* around sophomore year? and honestly it was really liberating to embrace how I'd always felt with like an understanding to it and I definitely wasn't shy about it lmao. it came up a few times actually and I was proud to tell ppl I wasn't straight and it felt really good to know that instead of just feeling it which ik might sound weird but it’s the best way I can put it and it was like I’d put an element of my life that I didn’t understand for the longest time to rest thinking that was it

that said.......................there was more to it - more to myself - that I've been sitting on and admittedly have been intentionally ignoring and denying for just as long

and I mean it's been something I've kinda been aware for as long as I can remember now with some distinct memories of believing I was "born in the wrong body" (which is a thing I remember saying to and thinking about myself a lot) as far back as kindergarten too and there were times where I aggressively denied this and a few times where I've even gotten mad at myself for thinking such a thing with the most recent instance of this being um. y'know. a few days ago. which is kinda where that anxiety stuff comes in and how like I guess I just feel bad for thinking like this despite not....looking the part or feeling ashamed for....thinking that way mostly out of my own sense of self depreciation. I’ve dealt with an immense self hatred for the majority of my life now and this sort of thing has been used to just kinda throw more fuel on that fire

but despite that I’ve also gotten better about self depreciation over the recent years too! it’s been a long work in progress but I think I’ve made a lot of strides in at least not feeling so down on myself and embracing the more positive aspects of the things I do and say and my personality and existence and all that. it’s definitely a healthier way to live actually finding things to enjoy about urself and accepting the way u are

and like another big aspect of this is that well.....no one’s ever really asked?? what my pronouns are or which gender I am and with that in mind over the last ~10 years I sorta slipped into feeling more comfortable being seen as more nonbinary since I've never felt too much like a boy or a girl for various reasons and I've kinda been fine like that for a while and I'm even still p comfortable there as is! I love ppl perceiving me as they want to perceive me and I want folks to continue doing that! 

but lately it's been on my mind again and I've been thinking about it and kinda passively watching others as they talk to and about me and I've kinda gradually been realizing that as far as self designation I definitely agree more with one gender than the other and even have been sorta subtly dressing more in the style of someone of the opposite gender than the one I was born with and even sometimes refer to myself with those pronouns and like when ppl refer to me like that too it usually just like feels better to me mentally and like despite my own reservations and fears and uncertainties at this point that it’s felt hard to deny that I might actually be that way

it’s all kind of confusing and I’m very nervous about....embracing it like this not bc of the reaction or responses I might get from certain uh sects of ppl online or other ppl in general (which again has been great so far honestly) but bc I guess I’m kinda subject to that fear of like not believing my own feelings on the matter are real or valid - that I’m not actually this way even tho a lot of signs and my own beliefs tell me I am that way. y’know? but especially lately I’ve been embracing it more as a fact and feeling better mentally as a result despite my own reservations

all of this to say that I'm still sorta figuring myself out and that while I might not have had all the answers right away I’ve still be gradually piecing things together over my years and while it’s been....scary honestly to even sorta consider it’s also all sorta been getting clearer the more time I spend actually embracing those thoughts and feelings rather than shoving them away or otherwise ignoring them so. uh. I guess u could consider this me coming out in my own way

I’m trans! 

and I'm proud to be who I am! 

and hey hopefully in saying all of this and talking about it further if ppl wanna know more or w/e maybe I can help someone else feel more comfortable in their own identity too!

#* - I've long since identified as bisexual and pansexual mostly bc I admittedly don't really know the difference well #but bisexual is what I first understood and went by and that's why it's mentioned here

[menalez]

I always really love the advice you give people on here so I hope you can help me too. I have some weird issues with food where I only have very few foods I fell comfotable eating and anything else (or anything that I did not prepare my self) makes me nervous. This hasn't been an issue for a few months now but now it is getting to the point where I get panic attacks when I eat at my uni cafeteria for example and I don't really know how to deal with that because I don't want to have a phase where I only eat mashed potatoes for a month again.

Another thing is; I have a friend whom I am kinda close with who got diagnosed with some stomach issue and is now super limited in what he can eat. I kind of want to offer him to talk to me about it because I know what it is like to be so limited in your food choices, but I don't really know how to breach that topic and let him know that I kind of understand what it is like without making the conversation all about my mental health you know?

I just always really love yout insights so I was wondering what you would do in my shoes, and I also hope you have a great day <3

oh.. what you have sounds like selective eating disorder / avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. if you can you should totally go to a therapist and get it checked out bc as a disorder it can advance further and make ur diet so precise and specific to the point where it can be deadly (due to u becoming seriously underweight or facing malnutrition due to food anxieties). ik that sounds rly scary but that’s the worst case scenario and seeking some kind of clarity and help on it is a good preventative measure esp since many such disorders are treatable if addressed

and i think it wouldn’t be too difficult to open up while encouraging him to speak to you on his similar struggle! honestly i find that when im vulnerable and open with people, they seem to also be open and vulnerable in return & to feel more comfortable around me in general. id just be like “oh god that must be really tough. i have a similar issue, it’s not the same but i have this psychological/mental issue that makes me really struggle to eat most foods. it can be so stressful to have to worry about and fixate on food in that way, don’t you think?” or something of the sort. showing that you’re willing to discuss your issues openly imo can encourage others to feel comfortable being open about their issues too. starting off with a discussion about it often does result in people discussing their personal experiences and struggles and who knows, it may end in your friend perceiving you as someone who has shown herself to be open to hearing about this struggle & willing to understand it. i have a food problem myself in the sense that i get anxiety around it which results in me throwing up and being selective of when and where i eat, and i found that bringing it up when i learn ppl deal with sth similar doesn’t end up being a big talk about me but rather us sharing the similarities and differences in our struggles with eating / food.

#also thank u for telling me u love the advice i give that’s such a massive compliment 😭😭💕

[harryfeatgaga]

Helloooo Paige!!! 👋 I want to ask you (and your anons if they wanna respectfully chime in) a random question. I’m a little embarrassed to be saying this, but......I turned 24 a few months ago and I am still a virgin. Tbh I have only had one “serious” partner and that really only lasted a few months. Idk like.....obviously I don’t think I am the most attractive person to ever walk this earth (actually tbh I think I am pretty hideous) but I also don’t think I am the absolute ugliest. Maybe part of it is bc I don’t go out a lot and I also didn’t party or anything for the short time I was in school??? Idk but it does make me feel pretty embarrassed and insecure......I mean I know maybe like two other girls my age who are also virgins but ofc most ppl my age have already had loads of sex (not that I would be doing that anyway but 😭) my crush rn is a couple of years younger than me and ik he ain’t a virgin. Idk part of me just thinks I should go out one night and find someone to just get it over with but I also really do not want to sleep with some rando and get some sort of STD or something 😭 I honestly want it to be with someone I trust and at least care about it but idk if that will ever be possible for me (again this makes me feel really insecure and like shit tbh) 😭 but I guess that kinda sounds like a ridiculous dream or fantasy. I’m also a bit insecure of the hair I have down there....I try to make sure it looks alright every so often but I’m pretty much the only one who is looking at it so idk (I actually still have not had a gyno appointment either cause iirc when I turned 21 they said I could wait a few more years since I was still a virgin yet here I am at 24 still a fucking virgin 😭😔).....anyways tl;dr is it really weird or embarrassing that I am still a virgin at 24????????? 😭😭😭

It is not weird or embarrassing everyone does things at their own pace on their own time when it is right and the time for you!!!

[tolerateit]

heya meg bestie iv been in kinda a sad situation recently bc my best friend has been away at an art program and is gonna be there for quite some time :(( we're online friends so its not like im missing out on hanging out irl with them but it means we cant call as theyre staying with a roommate (which. does looking back at it seem like a kinda weird excuse like ppl calling others while someone in the room is a thing that happens but like. i get its not ideal so fair enough) except for they said if there are ever moments were their roommate isnt there they might be able to call but so far tht hasnt happened and theyv also been kinda busy when it comes to messaging? like we both mostly interact on here and iv been sending them a lot of asks and thee like which theyve been answering amd theyve sent me a few aswell but not as many tbh and they rly havent been messaging tht much nd i rly do miss them a lot bc of it :(( doesnt help tht while ik on a logical level theyve been busy nd tired i cant help feeling like theyre ignoring me somewhat or just not been bothered to talk with me as much, especially since theyve mentioned hanging out with and making new friends with the people there and while thats totally fair and reasonable like theyre allowed to have friends other than me i do have issues with being insecure about stuff like this and being worried about them finding cooler people than me to be friends with so thats kinda been like. getting at me a little bit :(( i havnet brought any of this up with them though becuase i dont want to be unreasonable or upset or worry them at all but it has been getting to me a lot and stuff yk, i think more than naything i just rly rly miss them though :( (sorry if this is strange btw i just noticed a lot of ppl sent u anon talking about their lives and their day nd ur blog has that cosy comforting vibe nd i kinda needed to get this of my chest so yea)

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share this with me on this blog 🥺 I'm sure your friend has their reasons because adjusting to a new place in a different environment is hard! I hope you guys have everything sorted out between the two of you <3

#you ask for the tab* #long post tw