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autisticsupervillain · 9 months

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Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread

The Eye

Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher

You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING

"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"

I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.

"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."

I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.

The Web

I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.

I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.

If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.

I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.

"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood

The Stranger

I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.

If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.

Theater Kid

How do you Normal Human?

The Anatomy Class.

Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.

Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.

Being subtly off is too subtle for me.

The Lonely

"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."

Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.

Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.

Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.

The fog is your friend.

The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.

The Dark

Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.

Night Owl.

Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.

Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.

The dawn is your enemy.

The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.

Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.

The Spiral

Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.

Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?

Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.

Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?

I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.

I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.

Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.

What Is Time?

What Is Me?

The Gender

Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?

The Flesh

Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.

Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.

Will never try any other foods. Too picky.

Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.

Hates PETA.

Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?

Working out is a great stim.

The Corruption

Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.

"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"

Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.

According to all known laws of aviation-

Relationship boundaries struggles.

Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.

Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*

Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.

Forgot vital hygiene needs.

The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!

The Buried

Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.

Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.

101 facts about worms.

Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.

Digging a hole is good stimming.

That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?

The End

Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com

That's it, that's the list.

The Desolation

The Autism Temper.

Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.

The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.

Just watching candles melt for hours.

The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.

Jude Perry.png

The Vast

Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.

The stimulus of falling.

Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.

Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.

Weirdly enough... power scaling?

Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.

Brain empty, only terminal velocity.

The Hunt

Cat Autism

The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.

Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.

I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.

Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.

That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.

It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.

The Slaughter

The incredible human WW1 documentary.

"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*

Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.

The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)

The Extinction

The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.

It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.

You Will Make Them Care.

#the magnus archives #autism #the eye #the web #the stranger #the lonely #the dark #the spiral #the flesh #the corruption #the buried #the end #the desolation #the vast #the hunt #the slaughter #the extinction

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ttodorokiii · 2 months

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Idk if you think about Hawks but I thought of a hilarious idea. He lets/makes you make him lunch/dinner or even breakfast…and you give him a big bowl of seeds/bird seed.

warnings: yândèrè, kïdnäppïng mêntïôn, bïrd fôôd.

Keigo cannot believe this.

Now he gets that you hate him, he hasn’t exactly done anything for you to love him but— seriously, what the fuck? He watches you look at him with emotionless eyes as you try to get away after putting the bowl on the table.

But he calls out your name and you stop. “Yn what is this?” now you see he is genuinely confused, because why would you give him this kind of food?

One of the reasons he fell for you was the fact that you’re actually a great cook, and he used to watch you cook all the time when he was creeping up on you before, you know…

But he doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry or get angry, but it’s a mix of all of those emotions in his mind right now. “Yn… I am hungry and this is what I get?”

He is a pro hero and his diet has to be really sophisticated and proper, but if any one of his friends or colleagues, saw this, they would laugh in his face.

Even he is laughing at himself deep down.

You took his hero name quite, literally.

“What? This is what hawks eat.” Your explanation is equally weird as the food, and he cocks one of his eyebrow, he’s not sure if you’re joking or just taking a revenge on him for kidnapping you.

“Uh..” keigo is frankly speechless, he bites his lower lip as he stares at the bird food, like literal bird food.

You’re cute do you know that?

“Okay fine you know what? I’m going to eat this.”

He looks at you with his golden orbs before he grabs a spoon, and digs in directly. The seeds are quite crunchy, and frankly, very tasteless

But he wants you to get speechless as well, he can be quite competitive and petty as well. “Mhmm~”

He moans out, his mouth forming an O shape, he eats, and eats and eats, he’s sure he’s gonna have the worst tummyache at patrolling tonight, but.. at least he can see you smiling from the corner of his eyes.

“this is actually delicious. You can give this to me every weekend.”

He’s joking please don’t take it seriously

“yn… this is so thoughtful of you… that’s why I think you’re my soulmate and we’re going to be together forever.” He winks, munching on the seeds.

And now it’s your turn, you’re looking at him like he’s grown two heads, you’re visibly disgusted. He smirks. “do you wanna join me? I mean I don’t mind sharing.”

He winks, before you’re running away into the bedroom. And you can hear his loud sound of laughter.

#bnha #bnha fanfic #bnha smut #yandere keigo takami #yandere hawks #hawks smut #yandere bnha #hawks x reader

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aajjks · 7 months

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heyy I lovee your yandre noona x jk fics like LOVE LOVE LOVE AND LITERALLY LIVE FOR IT. I was wondering if you could do a request on jk being “you’re the most jealous woman i know” and she is like “you know other women?” pretty please?🫶

warnings. JÊÂLÖÜSY, YÄNDÊRÊ NÖÖNÄ, dèspèrätè kôô, crÿïng

note. This is your guys’ cue to send in Yandere noona asks. ;)

As much as he loves you

This is getting ridiculous.

You have stopped talking to him you don’t even look at him you are starting to avoid him, and that is fucking with his mind.

It wasn’t even his fault he didn’t deserve his punishment, he is a good boy. He’s always your good boy, and he always wants to keep you happy.

He was just doing what any good human would do, and that was being polite to his neighbors. But that backfired on him.

He has pissed you off.

“Noona please talk to me. I think I will go and see if you don’t even look at me anymore for even a second.” he’s on his knees looking at you desperately his eyes are filled with glossy tears, but he’s holding them back

He just wants you to look at him and talk to him that’s all he wants.

And he’s willing to do anything, but you are so hard to read. Your face is empty without any emotion. Your eyes are empty, everything about you is so hard to read. You have your hands crossed across your chest and your lips are shut tightly in a straight line.

“Just talk to me once! yell at me! do anything, but just look at me!” Jungkooks voice shakes, his nails, dig into your skin, but you don’t budge.

“Look I am sorry OK I shouldn’t have let her in.. fuck I hate her so much she always wanted to ruin everything between us… noona!!!!!”

His voice is getting louder and louder with each word that comes out of his mouth, but your silence is the loudest sound in the room.

“I will never ever let her in I swear I WILL LITERALLY AVOID HER LIKE SHE DOESN’T EXIST. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. NOONA… I cannot see you ignoring me… talk to me. I miss you so much it’s been a week it’s been so many days…”

Jungkooks knees are starting to hurt, but he cannot get up right now not until you forgive him, it has been like three hours, he has really upset you hasn’t he?

“Noona I love you so much I can never even dream about another woman that’s not you, but you have to understand that I was just being nice I just was talking to her. I didn’t know her intentions…. I didn’t know that she was trying to do something if I had known I would’ve put her in her place immediately…” he lets out every word from his mouth with sincerity with regret.

He hates that blonde girl so much.

He doesn’t even remember her name.

Can’t you Even look at me?” he cries, and lets his tears fall.

He feels so suffocated right now, it’s like his whole world is silence, because you are his whole world.

“Noona I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry. I am so sorry. FUCK I AM SORRY..”

He doesn’t know what to do anymore. He’s tried screaming, crying and begging, but nothing is working.

“Noona… you are seriously the most jealous woman I know.”

He doesn’t think before he speaks, and let’s it out, his tongue speaks out before he can even register his words, but they take your attention, and you tilt your head and look at him.

Jungkook cries out of relief.

But that relief dies down soon when he sees you at him like he’s the most disgusting creature in the world.

What did you say? Huh?”

Your voice is like an eargasm for his ears. But Panic sets in his chest bubbling up.

you look like you want to kill him.

Well, as long as you’ll touch him, he would die from your hands.

“I-I said that I love you and I am sorry, noona- shhh.” You put a finger up on his mouth. He has no choice, but to shut up.

“you know other women?”

Jungkook lets out a scream of frustration and starts to cry, banging his head on your lap.

“OH MY GOD NO I DON’T. I ONLY KNOW YOU AND I AM SORRY.. your jealousy is so hot but insane at the same time..”

“please believe me, you’re the only woman for me.. only woman in my heart, and in my brain, and in my soul.”

#yandere bts #smut #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #hybrid bts #hybrid jungkook #hybrid!bts #hybrid!jungkook #yandere jungkook #bts smut

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luvbugs-blog · 10 months

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gyutaro h/c with blind s/o

pairing: gyutaro x reader

POSSIBLE SPOILERS

a/n: super sweet h/c about gyutaro! ALSO, i tried to make this gender neutral as possible, so I'm sorry if there's a bullet point that doesn't reflect that. I'm also trying to be inclusive in my writing (so i don't always include able-bodied readers) but if something is incorrect, please let me know! love you all!

even before turning into a demon, gyutaro wasn't happy with the way he looks

poor little baby was getting bullied, beaten, and shunned

so coming across someone that cannot see his face might help that insecurity a little bit (not that he wouldn't want someone who could see him, because if you truly loved him, it wouldn't be a problem)

how did you two meet? (in these scenarios, pretend like daki and him are separated/he isn't inside her body)

scenario one: you bump into him at night in some alley in the district trying to find your way back to your house. and he waits for the squeal of terror directed towards his face, or for you to run away. but instead, you bow, apologizing deeply. it's then that he notices your cane. you go to brush off his clothes when he grabs your hand and insists no harm was done. let him walk you home. why is he acting so nice? he doesn't know. but he doesn't like it. he hates humans, disgusting creatures. but this one seems ok.

scenario two: daki grabs you for your beauty, but he stops her from devouring you. why? who knows? maybe it's because he recognizes you from when you were kind to him. either way, you're his now.

just like when he was the primary guardian of his sister, he would love to feel like he was protecting you, even when you don't really need it

he would follow you around to make sure nobody would be mean

he would make sure there were no sharp objects around that you could potentially run into in areas you weren't familiar with

one night, the two of you were sitting on your futon, talking, hugging, doing whatever s/o and demon bf do, when you reached up to touch his face. he tensed up a bit, a little nervous of your soft hands feeling the uneven skin, but when you smiled at him, he saw you were genuinely happy. he might've shed a tear that night, but who knows?

you could feel his body tense up next to yours, but you didn't cease your movements. your hands, cupping his face, trying to map out what you couldn't see.

"mmmm, whatcha doing?"

"just trying to feel what you look like."

"'fraid there isn't much there, love."

"nonsense. you are gorgeous."

(sniff. "are you crying?" "no it's just raining." "..." "we're inside.")

his hands reach up to cover yours, slowly entwining your fingers as he puts them into his lap. he rests his forehead on yours, and the two of you sit that way for a while before you reach up and press a small kiss to his lips.

"thank you."

"for what?"

"loving me as i am."

"and you, me." (<- a/n: this part was so rough for me to think of. i literally had a brainfart and was like, how do you respond to this... 'ditto?' 'same here?' i wanted it to be romantic lmao.)

this man wouldn't hesitate to kill for you. fr. you saw what he did to that samurai that got ume. he would annihilate them.

i'm trying to think... how would he respond to you aging? like would he just let you die of old age? would he turn you into a demon? like this man has never felt so loved and accepted by someone (who wasn't his sister), and i don't think he would let you go that easily.

love languages: physical touch. this man was STARVED of loving physical contact as a child. please hug him.

words of affirmation. mans doesn't regret becoming a demon, so don't say anything like that. but maybe, "you're so pretty", or "best bf ever" or "you're too good to me." mans would be one of three things.

one, weeping. crying his eyes out. hugging you, or your waist (depending on where the two of you are)

two, bashful. little embarrassed about his reaction, but he loves and CRAVES the attention. little head kisses as thanks.

three, literally throwing you onto the bed and just going crazy.

fucks you into next week.

his love languages towards you: acts of service. physical touch. enough said.

very loving though. just don't flirt with anyone else, even to get a rise out of him. toxic gyutaro fr. mans is a demon. how else would he react?

a/n: AHHH hope this is enjoyable! let me know if you want more h/c from characters. i'm literally obsessed with demon slayer rn...

#gyutaro #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro demon slayer #gyutaro x you #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer imagines #demon slayer x you #demon slayer x y/n

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cock-holliday · 5 months

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Who TF am I supposed to vote for this year. I fucking hate America rn. I absolutely don’t condone what Biden is doing. But if I don’t vote Trump wins and he’s worse. He’s literally threatening to deport people speaking up against the genocide going on in Gaza (not that he can but that’s a scary prospect MAGA supporters are all around me who will spew his narrative). I genuinely need advice this election. Do I just not vote? Am I helping doom us to Trump by not voting? I’m a Democrat but I don’t condone what’s going on now it’s disgusting. I’m honestly leaning towards not voting but everyone around me is saying that’s a bad thing. Does any other candidate have a chance aside from those two?

I cannot tell you who to vote for but I can help you maybe figure it out for yourself.

First, not voting for someone is not a vote for someone else--do not let people tell you that. As a basic gesture you can, however seriously you mean it, threaten to withhold your vote from Biden. Tell his campaign people. Tell doorknockers. Say it at stops on his campaign trail. "I will not vote for Biden if he doesn't ____." You can lie. You can wholeheartedly plan to vote for him regardless, but putting some fear into his team can be helpful. The same tactic can work on any groups you might be part of. "I would love to vote for him but I can't in good conscious do it if he won't ___." Any group that dismisses you outright does not have your interests at heart. Convince them to take action too, or recognize that aggressive backlash for valid concerns are not the circle you want to entrust with your livelihood.

It's hard to tell what the 2024 election will come down to because we haven't even had a primary. Bernie Sanders seemingly came out of nowhere when it already seemed like a done deal that it would be Clinton as the sole Dem option. And boy did the DNC work to make sure she was--despite public support for another option.

Someone else may be a viable candidate to throw support behind as an alternative to Biden. Trump's legal situation muddies the waters on his eligibility, and a number of extreme right-wing fanatics think he's not fascist enough and have their eyes on DeSantis, possibly fracturing the Republican vote. It is entirely too early to tell how the general election will shake out.

Some things that are certain, however: 1. your vote is your choice and idiots guilting you while refusing to address actual concerns is not reason to vote for someone you don't want to. 2. however the presidential election shakes out, what will be much more influential on your future is local elections. An emboldened state can resist certain executive decisions to begin with, and local policy will always have a much more immediate effect on a person than national policy will.

It would be nice if, in the wake of a Trump or (insert republican candidate) win, democrats would ever recognize their own shortcomings and reconsider policy choices rather than doubling down that it's the American people who are wrong, but I'm not certain the message would be received. Then again, I am not a democrat, so appeals to the DNC are not high on my priority list.

Vote for Biden, don't vote for Biden, vote someone who has a chance to win, taking a stand and voting for someone who won't, don't vote on a president at all--this is up to you. It's not my decision and it's not anyone else's to make for you either. Make a statement with your choice if you can, but ultimately do what feels right.

#ask #anon ask #good luck bud

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official-megumin · 5 months

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I am constantly seeing people referring to Palestine as a "terrorist state looking for trouble" and I cannot for the life of me wrap around the logic of these people's brains. When, if ever, did Palestine look for trouble? Never, that's when!

I know this isn't really what you are talking about.

But this whole situation just shows how quick some people are to do a complete 180 turn.

You'll see bigots finally admitting that anti-semetism is real just because they want to seem more respectable when they advocate for the actual extermination of an entire people.

because Palestine genuinely did nothing to deserve this. "oh but hamas did this-" irrrelevant. Hamas wouldn't exist if not for Israel's conquest and destruction of Palestine.

Hamas is entirely a reaction to what's happening, not the other way around.

Sadly some people use this to continue or even fall into anti-semetism to begin with. And that is also just disgusting.

We cannot hold any random jew in the world responsible for the actions of a corrupt government.

Israel is no more actual Judaism than America is actual christianity. Both have twisted and molested what these religions stand for and just use it as an excuse to continue their sins.

Like nevermind that huge swathes of Israeli condemn their government to begin with, nevermind that Palestine has a sizeable jewish population that literally goes back millennia.

You have holocaust survivors and descendants of those survivors condemning the Israeli government.

And that's just the rise in anti-semetism, we haven't even gotten into the rise of islamophobia.

Islam has objectively done nothing wrong here, we're literally just seeing a people associated with Islam be annihilated, and fucking THAT of all things is emboldening people to see arabs in general, regardless of their actual religion. As nothing but monstrous, thoughtless terrorists.

I hate it. I hate that pretty much all we can do by now is to refuse to buy from brands openly(and just imagine how many brands might do it in secret) supporting the genocide and fucking beg our leaders to ask Isreal to stop if we're lucky enough to live in a country that hasn't made speaking positively about Palestine illegal.

I hate everything about this. It feels so completely unreal that supposed "developed" countries have learned nothing and feels nothing when this is happening so openly and obviously

How can anyone just sit and think what is happening in Palestine is not just acceptable, but the good option?

It's so completely fucking insane, that I barely know what to say.

My heart will always be with the Palestinian people, and I will always do everything I can to help them.

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ladyhindsight · 10 months

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I want to say it really ticks me off when this fandom (and Cassandra Clare to some extent) acts like TMI isn't for children. I've seen posts comparing Cassandra Clare's work to Colleen Hoover. As far as I know Colleen Hoover is an adult novelist who basically makes abuse fetish smut so like great comparison to a YA author guys in the fandom!

Clare's choosing to include things like normalizing abuse (Maia and Jordan) and incest are really terrible. Clare always hides behind the fact that the reason the incest existed in her story was "symbolic" for like how love can make us do evil things. But children can't understand something that complex and Clare does NOT do a good job at making this theme clear in the story and SHE DOES romanticize their incestuous relationship as so bad it's good (Clare fans go reread the scene in book 2 where clary has to kiss Jace in front of everyone and then go reread book 3 where they're constantly kissing and cuddling and sleeping in the same bed in a romantic way) and it's just really upsets me because I've witnessed first hand (I've been in this Fandom since 2013) child fans normalizing and becoming attracted to incest fetish because of these books. I've seen so many children normalizing incest because of Clare's continual refusal to JUST APOLOGIZE! She literally writes these LGBT books with incest fetish and rape fetish tied into it and eventually a conservative is gonna find these books and it's gonna be all over for Miss Clare and the LGBT community will probably be blamed for her bullshit because we're always blamed for gross books like these.

I also wanted to say (and you don't have to post this ask if it's divulging too much I don't want to offend anyone) but I'm an incest survivor. I read these books when I was thirteen years old (they were in my schools library listed for my age and up) and they really really hurt my recovery because at the time I thought what had happened to me was normal and when I read these books I thought it was totally okay and normal what happened to me. I won't go into any more detail than that but these books made it so hard to seperate the "love" from the "abuse". I've talked to others in this fandom and many other girls have said that these books normalized abuse to them because Jace is so controlling and abusive to Clary and she does nothing to stop him. The abuse is also normalized by the Fandom too I see posts all the time joking about how "Jace isn't a hero who helps people he's a hero who helps his girlfriend!!!" And "haha Jace doesn't let clary have her own tooth brush or space or any friends! Sooo kawaaaaiiii!!!!!" Or "if clary died Jace would be worse than sebastian lol so smexyyy!" Like as if that isn't disturbing and disgusting to normalize to MINORS!

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about the people who suffer the most from Cassandra Clare's continuous deflection of any wrong doing. You wrote these books about incest Clare, and children read these books and cannot understand your "complex" symbolism for how incest is bad but it's oh so good. It makes me want to burst into tears sometimes but instead I'll just send this ask and forget about it.

Oh,

P.S.

Fuck you Cassandra Clare for writing a Trump supporter female character who is against incest to try and say all the people who hate incest are Trump supporters or conservatives. I am a victim of a serious fucking trauma and I am not a fucking conservative because I want you to be held accountable for your fucked up books. You have spit in the face of rape victims time and time again and I genuinely hope some day you get torn to shreds by the public for everything you've perpetuated to CHILDREN.

Every once in a while I think about this interview Clare once gave that I saw on YouTube. She said that her readers often told her (at the time of the interview) that they are older than they consider the target audience of her books to be, and Clare commented something along the lines of, if you read her books, no matter the age, you are the target audience. Which is a nice thought, but the tonality is still very juvenile—even in her later works that are supposedly new adult genre. They differ in no way in style or tone from those works that are categorized in young adult fiction.

Colleen Hoover? Yuck. Perhaps it tells something about the mentality of those readers who liken Clare to Hoover.

Clare’s writing, tone, and capacity to handle serious and complex matters have always sucked. Each topic is handled with surface-level attention or used as a vehicle to ruminate and moan over the main couple and their obstacles in love. The writing has never went into any great length to realistically include themes such as incest (societal or personal level approach and attitudes) or abuse because the characters’ need to be liked and loved and be above the characters that are only used as a fodder for ridicule and betterment of the main characters in comparison. All while Clare tries to create a guise of them being “complex” because of the fact. It’s one of the reasons I have found comparing G.R.R. Martin’s style of implementation of different themes to Clare’s meaningful (as there have been convos about this some time back on the blog) because they are not nearly the same even though it is an easy comparison her readers like to make.

When it comes to idealizing abusive behavior, similar attitude within the readership can be seen in Isabelle’s character when she thinks Valentine is hot for being a villain. Young adult literature is littered with characters exactly like Jace who do not face responsibility for their abusive behavior because that is what the author chooses to prioritize and coddle, simultaneously failing to realize the impact that kind of behavior realistically has on others around them. Jace’s behavior isn’t acknowledged because others are meant to serve him and conform around his needs. Even Clary, who is the protagonist and heroine of the story. It’s never really about her—even her pain—it’s about Jace.

When I read TMI for the first time, I was incredibly conflicted with feeling the way I did (hateful and uncomfortable with many decisions and characters) because authors know better, right? This is how it is supposed to be, right? This isn’t supposed to be about anyone else than Clary and Jace, right? So why anything would be done different or better or given more attention to?

Fuck that. And also fuck Zara Dearborn because we know what Clare’s doing. And it’s embarrassing.

I am incredibly sorry that you had to live through such a horrible thing. I can’t even imagine the pain and confusion you’ve had to endure and work through. There isn’t much I can say but I hope you are faring better today and had good and trustworthy people around you to support you during the recovery (and still do). How could you offend anyone with your thoughts when you’ve survived it and know the destruction it causes? Never apologize for that. I wish you happiness and all the best in life.

#Reply #Anti Cassandra Clare #Anti CC

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the-casbah-way · 6 months

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trans stuff below ignore this

i'm at such a weird and horrible part of transitioning that i've never seen anyone talk about before. i'm so far from what i used to be but i'm so far from what i want to be too. i passed for years and now i've deliberately chosen to stop passing and it feels really strange. my whole life is on hold until i am able to feel like myself. i don't do anything i don't go out i don't talk to anyone i exist completely on my own because i just cannot show up in the world the way i want to and there is nothing i can do about it. i literally can't speak because i can't stand the idea of someone hearing my voice as it is now. it makes me feel sick every time i talk because the person i am hearing does not sound like me even though it is me. that's not what i'm supposed to sound like. i get so tempted to go back to what i was before even though the thought is unbearable because at least then i wouldn't be this horrible weird in between thing that feels just as far away from me as the old me did. i miss the times where i would feel so good about my gender and my body and myself even though they're always so fleeting. i know one day i will have those moments again but for so long now i've just been drowning in dysphoria that i can't even describe and none of it is because i don't "look like a man" whatever that means. i did look like a man, and i didn't like it, so i chose to stop. and now i get misgendered all the time and people stare at me for ages trying to figure out what to call me and no one treats me normally and i feel sick every time i go outside. there is not a single thing about the way i look or feel in myself that is right or good and every time i try to fix it i just make it worse. it's like every single trans masc on earth looks good and cool and infinitely closer to what i want to be than i do and i would trade with literally any of them i don't care if they're medically transitioning or if other people think they pass i would rather look like literally anyone else than me because i don't have anything about me that i can work with in order to look and feel like myself. i'm thinking back to all the times i felt ok enough in myself to be able to express my sexuality or be myself and now i feel sick because i could never do that now. it would make me so angry and disgusted at myself and the idea of having sex makes me want to vomit up my insides and rip all my skin off because i can't believe i would ever let myself want that. and i can't believe i would ever let people see me in a sexual way. like even writing it makes me feel like i'm going to be sick i don't understand how i was capable of that even though the last time i felt it was just earlier this year. i don't know i just don't see the point in anything until i can get on t and the more i look into it the more it seems like it'll never happen and i don't know who to ask to help me because i can't talk to anyone. and even if i got on t who cares. i've been holding out for it for so so so long whilst watching everyone around me get on it even the people who came out long after me but who cares. it won't make me any less of a shitty person and it won't get rid of everything i hate about myself and it'll just make my life harder because of how cis people and my family are going to treat me and it just feels like it's an endless lifetime of horrible things that make me pray that i will one day be able to find it in myself to give up and leave

#ignore this i never talk about my own trans stuff on here #because people are weird to me about it #but also because for some reason lots of people on here think i'm cis #and it's easier to keep letting them think that at the moment #delete later #it just sucks on days like this when i miss out on so many things because of dysphoria #there is a thing tonight i really really wanted to go to #and it's really important too #and now i'm consumed with guilt and also this fear of missing out because i can't go #and i couldn't talk in class to this person who wanted to talk to me so they probably think i hate them #and then at the library i saw some people who i wanted to talk to because they were doing an activism thing #and i saw it on instagram and decided i wanted to help them #but i couldn't go up and talk to them because i can't talk #it was just a whole day of things i really wanted to do that i can't and now i feel like shit

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quodekash · 1 year

Text

i went to bed instead of watching abaab and i woke up and im ✨sick✨

its not the plague but i have a sore throat and im really congested and i feel like a dump truck ran over me and poured all the bin juices in my brain, but its fine cos im here, im queer, and threezo are near

CONTENT WARNING: if youve seen this episode, youll be aware that there will be discussions of rape, sexual assault, and pedophilia. if any of these topics are triggering for you, please take the measures you require to stay safe, and please call emergency services if you require help, and talk to someone you trust. remember: you are not alone, and there will always be people who love and care for you, but you havent yet met some of them. stay safe everyone, i love you

i cannot for the life of me remember how the last episode ended so its lucky that they have little summaries at the starts of episodes cos otherwise id have no clue whats going on

OH YEAH THOOP WAS ARRESTED

hang on, dont they still need to go to work?

i cant remember what day it is and what they were doing before cher got that phone call but still

dang it ive already had a cup of tea today but i think i need another one

THREEZO HELLO (ft jack's luscious hair on the side there)

THREEZO ARE SO SWEET WHY ARE YOUR FACES LIKE THAT JACK AND TUB

okay, yeah, fair

HE IS HAPPY

HIS HAIR IS FLUFFY AND HE IS HAPPY

GREHJKDFGKJRB

aww

AWWWHHHH

awhh thoop is cryinggg

bro is in desperate need of a hug

IM GONNA CRYYYY

i love deep platonic bonds

especially when its found family

fnjgbhfbvhfb

**gasp** despicable!

HELLO THREEZOOOOO

hes so prettyyyy

and hes also so prettyyyyyy

GJKRTBNFDHKJRG I LOVE THEM

am i crying? yes.

im crying a lot

i love threezo so much

the grip these two have on my mental health and sanity--

have i rewatched this scene four times? yeah. do i now kinda just wanna curl into a ball and sob for a day or two? yeah. unfortunately i have to keep watching the episode

okay so its literally like six hours later now, ive tried having two naps, ive had three cups of tea today, as much medicine as i can have, and the sickness has done nothing but get worse which is just so fun but the only reason i wasnt watching abaab is bc i was trying to sleep and that's just not happening so im continuing the episode now

the commentary is gonna be very little tho btw bc im having trouble making coherent thoughts through all the conjestion clogging my brain

the way they smile at each other is so 🥺🥹

im TRYING--

sorry, last week i couldnt stop talking about the freaking pomegranate i was eating, today i cant stop talking about how sick i am, ill try and shut up about it and just watch the episode lol

SCREW THAT GUY

VAFFANCULO

I HATE HIM

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

idk much about the mother

BUT THE STEPFATHER CAN GO SHOVE A PIGNA UP HIS CULO

look, i hate cops and law enforcement

but i even more hate thoop's stepfather

and law enforcement, unfortunately, have a lot of power, but thats fortunate in this situation bc they can force him to shut up which is nice

oh, wouldya look at that. i was right.

im not happy about it. its freaking horrible. and its even worse that it happens every day in every single country and state and city and suburb and yet nothing is being done about it.

um. yeah. thats all i can think of to say.

SHE HAD TO PUT UP WITH IT FOR THREE YEARS???

holy hell thats freaking disgusting

i hate this so much. not that they included this in the show, im really glad they included it because it's freaking disgusting and not talked about enough, especially in mainstream media and stuff. i just freaking hate that rape exists and people have to put up with it every single freaking day of their freaking lives, and NOTHING is happening to fix this freaking disgusting issue

this episode is a lot heavier than i was expecting and idk if anything im saying makes any sense because im too sick for this and the things that happened are making me even more sick

HUZZAH, I WAS RIGHT

AND THIS TIME ITS A GOOD FEELING THAT IM RIGHT

HES NOT HOMOPHOBIC

HUZZAH, HUZZAH, PRAISE OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JACK'S ALMIGHTY FLUFFY BEAUTIFUL HAIR

sobbing, i cant do this, theyre too sweet

AH SHOOT, I JUST REALISED IVE BARELY DRANK ANY WATER TODAY

as per usual, your hair is on fleek today, my friend

he's angry at laem, but his hair is perfection

the perfect way to get someone to shut up: shove food in their mouth as fast as possible (im using this at some point) (also how the hell is his hair so pretty i love his hair too much. i think i always spend more time talking about jack's hair than i do talking about the actual episode)

gun's mother has such a sweet sounding voice but her words sting like poison, jeez

OH HELL YES ITS THIS PART

IVE SEEN SCREENSHOTS

side note: look at three and zo's knees pressed together gjfngjbhfgbh

HEYYY GUYS

ITS SO FUNNY

WHAT ARE THEY DOING WATCHING SIMM

wait so. bad buddy exists as a series inside the msp universe. simm exists as a series inside the abaab universe. what's next??

the frame changed suddenly, kluen was looking down slightly earlier and now he's looking right in nuea's eyes (yes i had to include jack's hair in the screenshot, so what?)

side note: i love all of jack's ear piercings (and his hair) so much

(ive now used all my 30 photos for this post so you just have to deal with that. on the bright side, the final photo was of jack's beautiful face and beautiful earrings and beautiful HAIR)

i love this friend group so much, theyre all just sitting in a circle in their gaming chairs supporting cher as much as possible in their own little ways and its so sweet and so happy and gfbhbrhgb

ignore your bfs phone calls only to show up at his house with food

AWWW, THE WAY HE JUST PULLS HIM INTO A WORRIED HUG AS SOON AS HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY- I LOVE THEMMMM

"promise me no matter what happens, we will fight it together" RGHBKRDFHGKRBDFHB

AWWWW TEHY KISSSSS

"(talking to himself) if your mum knows about this, she will hit you to death, cher" "know about what?" "she gave me only one heart and i gave it all to you" "youre as cheesy as i am" IM DYING WHAT THE HELL THEYRE SO SWEET

BRO CHILL

CALM DOWN

I DONT NEED TO SEE THIS

I MEAN LIKE GOOD FOR THEM

BUT WHY DO WE NEED SUCH A LONG SHOT OF GUN'S BARE ABS

theyre so soft with each other what the hell

"i just want to hear it from your mouth-" AND CHER CUTS HIM OFF WITH THE SOFTEST KISS EVER??? (well, not ever. no one can ever kiss as softly or lovingly as freaking akk, but that's neither here nor there) THAT ONE TINY MOMENT IS GONNA PLAY IN MY HEAD FOR AGES NOW OMG

keep the pants on please guys

oh thank goodness they finished the episode before it got to that, i appreciate that

anyway THAT WAS SO SWEET GBFHGBFHBHG

im desperately hoping that next episode will be mostly fluffy happiness bc i cant take much more of this seriousness, especially not if my sickness persists (which i really hope it doesnt, id love to be functioning this week)

um yeah. that was that. i hope you enjoyed that? sorry for all my ramblings about being sick, i just really hate being sick.

once again, i hope youre all safe and healthy, if you're not, i hope you can find a safe space and people you trust, please contact someone who can help you if you need it. i love you all, have a great week :]

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 7 months

Note

Fuck the plagiarist and their manipulative tactics! They're literally emotionally manipulating anyone who reads their post and they're doing it in a horrid way

Oh, no, nonnie! They're TOTALLY allowed to feel the way they do. And I would say their feelings are even justified, to some extent - if their statements are true, they've been getting all sorts of horrible comments their way which is NEVER fun and can absolutely cause all sorts of anxiety. I feel bad for them, I truly do. I don't condone that kind of commentary toward ANYONE. Whoever is doing it is truly vile.

It's just a shame that this person threw discussion of their anxiety into the mix to distract from the root of the issue; that there is actual, concrete proof of their plagiarism, which they have repeatedly refused to take ownership of, refused to apologise for, and refused to move on from as they have claimed. Never mind the fact that every time they speak on it, they attempt to deflect by claiming that turns of phrase are 'common' and yet, there is NO WAY to have made entire paragraphs that similar without committing the act of plagiarism.

Mental health is not an excuse for shitty behaviour. If this person's mental health has been impacted by the horrible anons they've been getting, then I really hate that. However, wasn't me. And I'd love for anyone who HAS been doing that to FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF THE PLANET. Sort out your issues like a normal person, don't send threatening messages to others and think you're somehow doing something good. Disgusting.

If this person's mental health has been impacted by being called out as a plagiarist, however, then perhaps they need to reflect on that and do better. I am not responsible for this person's mental health. I will not be baited into taking culpability for someone else's thoughts of anxiety, depression, SH and SI because I called them out for incorporating a whole bunch from my work into their own. To attempt to maneuver me into taking culpability for these is incredibly disrespectful not only to me, but to this person themselves. In effect, what is occurring is this: "You called me out for plagiarism and as a result, you've destroyed my will to live." I will not accept blame for that, though I empathise with feeling low.

As I have said from the very beginning, we could have handled this privately. I didn't even ask for them to rewrite - just to stop doing what they were doing by copying me. Every single thing that has occurred since has occurred as a result of their refusal to deal with this situation civilly instead of resorting to insults.

I have receipts, dated and compared as evidence. They do not. I can prove they did copy me. They cannot prove they did not. At the end of the day, we all know who is right and who is wrong. If this person has had to resort to emotional manipulation to justify their actions, then it only serves to make the situation all the more clear.

I wish - I wish - this person had been mature enough to attempt civil conversation with me. I wish they weren't so terrified of admitting they did the wrong thing. But they simply cannot. And thus, I would truly like to wash my hands of this whole thing. Until their next escalation, of course.

#fandom drama

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doyouknowwhoyouare13 · 1 year

Text

Nyx reads Six of Crows (pt.1)

I didn't want to annoy anyone with too much spamming so this is just my general thoughts while reading! (PLEASE DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS HALF OF IT IS GOING TO BE ME BEING DUMB AS HELL SO)

(updating every day, so you guys can keep up with my thoughts in real-time without TOO much spam :))

LIKE I SAID THERE'S NO PRESSURE TO READ IT AND HONESTLY IF IT GETS ANNOYING JUST BLOCK THE TAG #★nyx reads soc! AND YOU WON'T SEE IT ANYMORE I GET IT'LL PROBABLY BE TOO MUCH CONSIDERING THERE ARE 40 SOME CHAPTERS NO HARD FEELINGS 😭

part 2

SPOILERS BELOW!!!!

Started reading: 1/18/23

Finished reading: 2/4/23

Alright, since I didn't start this at the beginning of the book, I'm gonna summarize my thoughts from Chapters 1-4 in a few sentences:

AWWW JOOST AND ANYA SO CUTE, omgggg I'm in love with Inej AND Kaz, is this new? Nope. Uh oh, the girlfriend is gonna get killed. DAMN KAZ THE THREATS 💀 Jesper is so me. NOOOO JOOST. AND ANYA??? Who the hell is that. WHO TF IS JORDIE???? SLAY INEJ!!! Aww, new ship you guys!!!

Ok, that's all hope people understand it and if you don't, too bad. JOKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Starting at chapter 5 guys

Kaz is actually so smart

Oh Jordie is older-

I mean I assumed he was his brother but I thought he was younger

MEETING NINA!!!! (Ives said I'd like her)

omg. I'm in love with her. She has said one thing.

HIM BUYING STOCKS FROM THAT OLD MAN BECAUSE OF NINA💀

I can't believe they're only 17

I'm trying to be like Kaz

interested in Matthias like a lot

chapter 6 now

I wonder what Matthias did

omg another new ship

I'm still confused about the costumes

this prison feels like hell

so many gangs

WTF IS THAT THING

ROARS LIKE A LION

LOOKS LIKE A SNAKE THING

WHAT

AHH WTF I'M GONNA CRY

NOT PEKKA AGAIN

who would actually think of something like this 😦

It's sick

not sick in a cool way

sick in a WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL way

YOU'RE RIGHT NINA IT IS DISGUSTING

HOW ARE PEOPLE WATCHING THIS IN GOOD CONSCIENCE

ok maybe for the sick fucks

THEY CHOOSE TO DO IT

FUCK THE BENEFITS NO WAY I'M DOING THAT

omg they bet on it.

crying, screaming

"I'm mad at you, too" "I don't know yet. I just am." -me coded

oh Nina...this won't end well

ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!!

my two sides fighting ^^

NOT HIS HAIR

oh she down bad

Don't tell me killing wolves is against his morals- or his country's morals-

Omg. IT'S AGAINST HIS FUCKING MORALS- SOBBING SCREAMING PULLING MY HAIR OUT WTF

WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH

HE'S WISHING THEM FAREWELL 😭

IT'S TRYING TO KILL HIM AND HE'S PRAYING FOR THEM

AHHHHHH-

HE'S CRYING.

HE. IS. CRYING.

😭😭😭😭

I'm hurt, you guys. Very hurt. Might cry. Probably will.

Do you guys see how sensitive I am yet?

WHAT DID YOU DO NINA???

HIS MOTHER 😭 KAZ I CANNOT RN

Kaz is a slay per usual

I love the word barbaric

such a funny word

Kaz is literally a genius

No I won't stop saying that because he is

I just rolled my eyes so much I could see my fucking brain

Am I the only one who hates when guys act tough?

"I can take it" STFU AND LET HER DO HER WORK 😡

WHY TF IS HE CALLED GOOD BOY I WANNA BE CALLED GOOD GIRL BY KAZ WTF 😡

y'all I don't know who said that cause it wasn't me.

anyways

...oh such a lovely reunion!!! how romantic!!!!!

Chapter 7 ALONG WITH Part 2!!!!

first pov from Matthias!

we left off where he was choking her and now he's dreaming of her???

trying to be like them fr JOKING JOKING

Matthias would like Taylor Swift

I mean he used one of her song titles in one of his first sentences!!!

He's so me

just realized that said hunted instead of haunted

crying actually

I thought we had something Matthias.

now with me those instances would be switched, kissing Nina sounds very pleasant actually

oh Matthias is down bad too

SLAYYYY

MATTHIAS YOU HORNY BASTARD

Sorry that's rude BUT TRUE APPARENTLY???

OMG MATTHIAS GET OVER YOURSELF AND JUST KISS HER HOLY SHIT

Me thinks this is a enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers again arc

JESPER'S HERE TOO? WOOHOO, THAT'S MY FAV FR!!!

I say that about everyone idek which one is actually my fav

"Boys like you weren't meant to get ideas, Helver," YOU TELL HIM KAZ!!!

"that Jesper character" HE IS CERTAINLY A CHARACTER INDEED BUT I LOVE HIM FOR IT

My girl killed something that no one had survived before her

Love her sm ❤

Kaz is a lot of things but at least he's honest about it 💀

LEARN HER NAME MATTHIAS 😭

I LOVE JESPER SM

my lord I think he wants to kill Nina, just a thought though

bro Nina fucked him up

GRISHA CORRUPTION??? HOLY SHIT THEY DO HATE THE GRISHA NINA WASN'T EVEN EXAGGERATING

Matthias drop the witch thing, it's getting annoying

A STORK- HE JUST CALLED JESPER A STORK 💀

THE DEMON. MY GOD HE LOVES NAME CALLING

SO SET ON THE KILLING THING MY GOD

oh he's so salty I love it

me thinks she will think about you, often (it's disgusting and I can't stop)

my lord Matthias, never getting on your bad side

does he genuinely think Kaz is a demon? like a demon demon?

New character y'all

OMG ANOTHER REMINDER THEY'RE ALL HELLA YOUNG

THEY SEEM SO MUCH OLDER

VAN ECK???

Chapter 8 IN JESPER'S POV!!!

I love Jesper he's so me

WTF HIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT (I say as I've been complaining to myself about how long the chapters are)

Jealous? I know what you are Jesper.

It's ok me too

JOKING JOKING

or am I?

Y'ALL LEAVE THIS POOR KID ALONE

THEY'RE ALL GOING IN ON HIM

don't have a repeat of Joost. Istfg I will sob. don't try me.

hey, hey. flute is cool too. (ok not as cool as piano but don't tell him I said that)

JESPER 😭

Wylan give me all your belongings rn.

Ofc Kaz is unfazed, it's Kaz tf do you expect?

JESPER I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH

Nina provoking him won't do any good 😭

God the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan

I want what they have

"You're all horrible" YOU WOKE UP AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED TRYING TO STRANGLE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT. 💀

KAZ IS SO. SMART.

OMGGGG WYLAN 😭

"No" "it looks like a target" NOW THAT'S A SLAY

Chapter 9 ANOTHER SHORT ONE!!!

HA KAZ PAIRED JESPER WITH HIM

I feel a new ship brewing

Kaz ships Jesper and Wylan confirmed

KAZ IS SO FUNNY

Can you guys tell I like Kaz yet?

MATTHIAS IS ADORABLE

He'd probably try to kill me if I said that to him

But I only speak the truth!!!

I take that back

how stupid do you have to be to attack Kaz?

Kaz being the best per usual

Chapter 10, INEJ!!!

MY GIRL HAS RETURNED!!!

Can't believe I've already read like 5 chapters today

But some of these have been short, this chapter is too

And it has still taken me like 4 hours I think, I'm a really slow reader 😭

anyways

Inej and Kaz's dynamic never fails to make me laugh 💀

oh...guys now why would you say that

oh no the silent treatment 💀

KAZ WHY WOULD YOU SAY THATTTT

Inej's parents were the blueprint

THE FLOWERSSSSS

omg that place sounds horrible.

AHHH NO INEJ

oml my heart is racing

LYNX IS NOT HER NAME 😡

omg she names her knives I love her

I want to know more about her Saints

her knives mean as much to her as Jesper's guns mean to him

WTF DO YOU MEAN IT EXPLODED

NO. NO WAY.

Chapter 11, JESPER AGAIN ❤❤❤

y'all gonna explain the explosion???

WHO ARE YOU SHOOTING AT JESPER

OMG.

"Not a kid" me too Wylan but I also call everyone kid so 🤷

omg Kaz you're a lifesaver, literally

ok it's official, yeah there's def 3 ships here

I know what you guys are.

Matt DIDN'T use his first opportunity to kill Nina? DEVELOPMENT!!!

I am calling him Matt from now on

IT'S TOO FUNNY

AHHH JESPER-

IS HE INSANE?

BETTER THAN WINNING AT GAMBLING?

I'LL TAKE THE CARDS PLEASE WHAT-

"you can't kiss me from down there" SO YOU WANT HIM TO KISS YOU?????? CAUGHT YOU BITCH/j

OH YEAH WYLAN!!! PROVE THOSE BITCHES WRONG!!! YOU ARE USEFUL!!! SLAYYYY

Lawd this chapter brought my heart rate up

Chapter 12, MY BELOVED AGAIN!!!

WHY ARE THESE CHAPTERS SO SHORT

the ones in the beginning were so long

wtf happened

Who cares PARTAY

I hate long chapters

aw not the fucking black tips again

MULTIPLE GANGS?

WITH HIS BARE HANDS 😦

AHHH SO MUCH STRESS- INEJ ISTFG

OMG INEJ SLAY I LOVE THAT FOR YOU I CANNOT

INEJJJ

Omg you worried me.

Kaz to the rescue again

omg.

crying.

she's not gonna die but lord-

ISTFG.

AHHHHHHHHH

this book has a habit of ending the chapters on very worrying notes.

anyways.

Chapter 13, Kaz

scared fr ngl

another short chapter as well

omg he loves her so much

but I love her more so he can fuck off.

JOKING LOVE YA KAZ

trying to steal my girl though 🙄

HIS WRAITH

SOBBING, SCREAMING, PASSING OUT, RIPPING MY HAIR OUT.

STOMPED 💀 HE'S SUCH A CHILD I LOVE HIM

Awww they're so cute together... (Wylan and Jesper)

oh...now Kaz....his eye socket?

OH HIS EYE.

KAZ.

OH HE JUST- THREW IT OVERBOARD- NO CARE IN THE WORLD-

OH AND THE HANDKERCHIEF.

OK I LIKE IT PICASSO.

KAZ. ISTG. I CANNOT.

FUCKING ROLLINS? I SWEAR THIS MF JUST NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUT OMG-

well bye ig

Don't mess with Inej guys you get your eye taken out and get thrown overboard

deserved

KAZ IS SCARY THOUGH HOLY SHIT

AND THE MY WRAITH THING AGAIN

I CAN'T.

JESPERRRR

I need to know what tf happened with Jordie.

Chapter 14!!! Nina is backkkk

This one is VERY long and by long I mean 15 pages so honestly I'm being dramatic.

Honestly the gang tattoo sounds like it'd look really good

YES NINA SEES IT TOO

Inej and Nina together>>>>

Best friends I say

I wonder if people ship them

I mean I guess I can see it idk yet though

Jesper and Inej 🤝 finding comfort in deathly weapons

Oh Jesper please don't start crying cause I will too

they're all so smart

how tf she know all those languages

y'all I don't think I like Zoya all that much

ONCE AGAIN SHE'S SO SMART

MATTTTT

omg she said he looks like a painting

crying, screaming

oh Nina..

um...everyone makes mistakes! you'll be ok!

ew. um. I would rather die, actually.

Me thinks Jarl Brum is a little bitch

I wish I understood all the words they're saying

NO. FUCKING. WAY. I'M GONNA LOSE MY MIND IF THEY DO WHAT I THINK THEY'RE IMPLYING.

oh some boy to the rescue

oh nvm.

NINA YESSSS SLAY

WHAT DID SHE JUST SAYYYY UGHHHHH

omg she's going to kill him!!!

I support women's rights but I also support their wrongs

joking I know she won't kill him

ooh she called out the name calling too

glad I'm not the only one

OMG NINA YOU DID WHAT

YOU'RE RIGHT HE DOES HAVE A RIGHT TO DISLIKE YOU 😦

I don't though, still love you SUPPORT WOMEN'S WRONGS!!! (/j)

OMG THIS HURTS.

I'M GONNA CRY-

Last chapter of this part, Chapter 15, Matty boy's perspective

Back to the short chapters

oh...violent per usual

WYLAN BITING THE DISK 💀

oooh Brum died? YIPEE!!!

omg Kaz 😭

HE'S SO IN LOVE

Kaz scary sometimes

AWWW HE'S WARMING UP TO WYLAN

"my ghost won't associate with your ghost)" MATTYYY 💀

CHAPTER 16, along with part 3, AND AN INEJ POV!!!

oh she's crying-

BEST FRIENDS!!!!!

3 DAYS?????

HELPPP THIS FRIENDSHIP IS EVERYTHING

I feel like Kaz has a death wish

OMG I NEED THEM TOGETHER. SHE CARES SO MUCH FOR HIM.

I LOVE INEJ AND NINAAAAA

not her bullying her singing 💀

THEY LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HER

THESE POOR CHILDREN

Chapter 17, AND JESPERRRRRRRR

I'd probably jump too, seems boring

HELP BOTHER WYLAN

they love each other

ok Wylan, come on now

JESPER IS JUST LIKE ME BRO

oh the lovers are quarreling

HELP "You're not dead!" JESPER 💀

Y'all...it's a good thing I'm a multi-shipper.../hj

"YOU'RE NOT INVITED" 💀

am I though?? I love waffles

Jesper is a people watcher

LIKE I SAID JUST LIKE ME FR

"Would it kill him to smile every once in a while" "very possibly" YALL 😭

Inej and Jesper friendship supremacy

omg Jesper loves Kaz

me too

AND HE ASKS ABOUT WYLAN

THEY'RE IN LOVE

WHAT

WITH HIS TUTOR???

SLAY WYLAN

SHE READ THE LETTERS I CAN'T

HE DOESN'T LIKE THE OCEAN EITHER????

JESPER WE'RE JUST SO CONNECTED

I told you Jesper has a crush on Kaz. "feeling his cheeks heat" I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

idek if I'm joking at this point not

THEY'RE THE BEST CHARACTERS OUT OF THE WHOLE BOOK

I LOVE THEM YOU GUYS I LOVE THEM

alright day 2 (or 3, can't remember) of you guys putting up with my total BULLSHIT

Chapter 18, KAZZZZ

my husband fr

and Inej's

TRYING TO FIND AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HER 😭

Kaz always has something over someone 💀

"tell me you know that. He needed her to say it." "He needed to know she believed him." HE WANTS HER TO TRUST HIMMMM

NO.

JORDIE.

OH THAT BITCH

BRO ISTFG

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CRYING SCREAMING PASSING OUT OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WANNA-

BE RID OF THIS DISTRACTION? KAZ BREKKER. ISTFG IF YOU LOSE HER BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID TRAIN OF THOUGHT I'LL CRY.

KAZ BREKKER. 😡😡😡

BRO "He didn't want Inej." YOU JUST FUCKING SAID-

OH. THAT'S A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE- POOR KAZ'S DAD-

HE GREW UP ON A FARM.

KAZ IS A FARMER BOY.

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY.

this is gonna be sad.

oh he liked the omelets :(

OMG HES SO INNOCENT

FUCK NOT WCS

OMG I CAN'T DO THIS RN

HE BLAMES HIMSELFFFFF

I'M GONNA SOB

JORDIEEEE

NOOO YOU JINXED IT

actually about to start crying

knowing Jordie dies hurt

WHERE IS SASKIA NOW

"That seems like cheating" and he does it now :(

omg Filip not a good idea

AHHH

he didn't.

he didn't just trick some helpless CHILDREN right?

OMFG HE DID.

OH THE RIBBON

OH THE METAPHOR

OMG OUCH HOLY SHIT

Chapter 19, Matty boy is back

Feel like it hasn't been his pov in forever

It's only been 4 chapters.

Embarrassing on my part 💀

anyways this chapter is so long

20 pages this time

still not that long but longer than the last time I complained about it

anyways

I love Nina

HE CAN SMILE???

He's such a child

it's so funny

Finally they're having contact without them trying to kill each other

OMG HE'S SO IN LOVE

AHHHH in a good way this time

uh oh running out of romance tabs

you ruined it Matty boy

I love that they say that

"Strange people" PLEASE

So real Jesper

Kaz has his priorities straight

money>>>>everyhing/hj

HE LEFT HIS CANE????

omg they just keep going 😭

sometimes I forget they're technically speaking another language

do none of them have mothers

If Matty betrays them istg

Don't pull a Peter Matty boy

Ah fuck I'm out of post-its for my in-book annotations

ugh I should've been better prepared 😭

omg I'm ALSO always in charge of making sure people don't start fighting

ONCE AGAIN, KAZ IS A FUCKING GENIUS.

omg Matty, I love you, but you're getting on my fucking nerves

KAZ PAIRING WYLAN AND JESPER TOGETHER AGAIN

PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SHIPS HIM

THERE'S NO WAY I'M THE ONLY ONE

AT LEAST YOU FOUND SOMETHING TO AGREE ON 💀

Matty, they ARE crows

HIM IMITATING THE BELLS

Because you're in love Matty boy, that's why

HOW LONG WAS NINA PULLING HIS HEAVY ASS BODY WITH HER? AND USING POWERS?? DAMN

awww they're so cute

if we look past the fact they are very close to death

um...

HE TURNED AROUND FOR HER

Nah I don't think it's intentional I think you just have a dirty mind Matty boy

"Then you're as stupid as you look" SLAY NINA!!!!

OMG MATT GET OVER YOURSELF AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

IT'S NOT NATURAL FOR SOMEONE TO BE AS STUPID AS HE IS TALL 💀💀💀

A BURLY SQUID????? NINAAA

AHHHH

"He lied. He did like the way she talked."

MATTY

oh god

GO OFF NINA!!!!

HOW IS ONE OF THEM ALIVE?

oh poor Nina

YES NINA STAND YOUR GROUND

Matthias. Yes I just said your real name. That is such a fucked up thing to say.

SLAY NINA

Chapter 20, NINAAA

the ending of the last chapter made me really angry at Matty boy so

also I'm officially halfway through the book!!!

oh Nina loves him so much :/

so down bad

I LOVE THEM

well I get why he hates Grisha if his family was killed by them

WE DON'T EAT BABIES 💀

Matt you do not have fun you seem like the most boring person ever

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD LAUGH I'M CRYING

Nina is so relatable

"Do you ever doubt yourself?"

"All the time." "I just don't show it."

OMG NINA JUST CALLED HIM OUT

fuck out of romance tabs

so cute though

OMG THEY NAME SHARED

AHHHHH

oh he angry

honestly has the right to

Nina now wtf come on

INEJ TO THE RESCUE!!!!

I might actually cry I found more tabs and I don't wanna go back

At least I have them for the future?

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF CHECKING MY BAG OMFG

IT'S A NEW FUCKING PACK TOO I'M GONNA START SOBBING

Switching general note post-its too BECAUSE THERE WAS A WHOLE FUCKING THING OF THOSE TOO

MY GOD 😭

how do you view Grisha as less than you WHEN THEY ARE LITERALLY BETTER THAN YOU IN SO MANY WAYS

ARE YOU CONTROLLING THE ELEMENTS? I DIDN'T THINK SO

CAN YOU KILL SOMEONE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM? NOPE.

STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE

oh that's fucked up Kaz

ok well Nina is justified in all that

HE DOESN'T WANT IT???

WOOHOO

YIPPEE

HOPEFULLY THEY WON'T TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER NOW

Summing up what I read in school! (so ten pages)

That food was probably disgusting, CANNONS? "WHO KNEW I HAD A TASTE FOR LITERATURE" JESPER 💀. Good plan, but also so incredibly stupid wtf. NINA. Inej's discussion with Matty is so true.

alright continuing chapter 21, INEJ!!!

my wife fr

Bro Jesper is just so me

Bro, I'd give this man the most amazing, mind-blowing, leg-shaking, eye-rolling, breath-taking, sheet-grabbing, sloppiest head he's ever gotten in his entire life

Who said that cause it wasn't me

Def not

anyways

OH NO HE FLINCHED

oh shit they're pressed together

his touch thing

oh fuck

don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

Matty boy scary

"IT LOOKS LIKE LEAVING THEM IN A DITCH" 💀

Nina and Matty boy are so cute 😍

IDEAL FOR FAKING SUICIDES????

This book gives me stress

OMG KAZ I'M GONNA CRY

FAINTED??? SOBBING SCREAMING RIPPING MY HAIR OUT

Chapter 22, KAZZLE DAZZLE

SCARED FR

oh their story is so sad :/

NOOOOOO JORDIE

OH MY GOD.

HE'S SO YOUNG

THIS ISN'T FAIR

I'M ACTUALLY CRYING

HE HAD TO USE HIS BODY

OH HONEY YOU'RE NO MONSTER DON'T SAY THAT

OMG HIM AND INEJ I'M GONNA SOB

OH NO HE'S PANICKING CAUSE INEJ ISN'T THERE

TANKS?

Kaz slays with the quotes per usual

JESPER 💀

OH LORD KAZ I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN

THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES JESPER

oh Kaz :/ I FEEL SO BAD

"Kaz knew the word for cripple in plenty of languages" KAZZZZZZ 😭

SLAY KAZ YOU DO THAT!!!

Chapter 23, JESPER!!!!!

He just like me but my father doesn't understand so 🤷🏻‍♀

THE LEG WAS ASKING FOR IT????? WHAT????

I WANT MORE WYLAN 😡

Love Jesper and Wylan so much

SINCE WHEN IS HE A FABRIKATOR

I LOVE THEM

THEY'RE BOTH FARM BOYS

Y'ALL THAT'S TOO FUNNY TO ME

THE FLIRTINGGGG

Chapter 24, NINA!!!

my other wife

so pretty much all of the Fjerdan are hella tall? scary

THOSE CELLS ARE HORRIBLE

poor Nina

UH OH UH OH UH OH

NOT AN ALARM OMG

Chapter 25, Inej!!!

even his gloves are genius

AH ISTG IF SHE FALLS

THE SHOES???

omg Kaz and Inej 😍

I hate this place.

EW HELEEN IS DISGUSTING

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

"Better terrible truths than kind lies"

so real for that one

please Inej, keep going 😭

THANK YOU RAIN OMG

THE STRESS

YES INEJ, YES IT IS!!!

Chapter 26, my husband

the only thing keeping him alive rn is revenge

KAZ YOU BIT HIM??? 😭

Genius at 9

A ROCK??? BRO KAZ WAS AS RUTHLESS AT 9 AS HE IS NOW

Rietveld

Kaz Rietveld

Idk doesn't have the same ring to it but that might just be because I'm used to Brekker

Kaz should teach me cards imagine how much money I'd get

OMG HE'S HERE?

KAZ

ok y'all I'm gonna start struggling I've used too many images so I have like 3 more chapters I can go between and then I'm gonna have to start a new post

I'm gonna cry

anyways

chapter 27 JESPER!!!

OH I FORGOT ABOUT THE ALARM

ok they're all good

for now

HELP JESPER IS TOO FUNNY THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION

NOT THE MENAGERIE 😡

chapter 28, INEJ!!!!

my wife fr

DEMON AGAIN 💀

bro how are they all geniuses

so we have a new plan!!!!!

WDYM MISS THAT LOOK YOU'LL BE SEEING IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

RIGHT? RIGHT??????

I like shiny things

omg I hate this

DON'T SAY THAT

omg Matty said it

JESPER 💀

Omg she's gonna leave.

OMG HE TOUCHED HER.

AHHHH

HE DIDN'T PULL AWAYYYY

omg she'd be such a good captain

they all have horrific backgrounds

I love Nina sm

HELP

"all I can see is your ass" 💀

THEY CALLED HIM A TULIP

BRO THAT'S BETTER THAN THE STORK THING

I CAN'T RN

DON'T FLIRT WITH HIM FLIRT WITH ME

OMG INEJ ISTG IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU

this is the last chapter I'm doing on this post

BUT CHAPTER 29!! MATTY BOY

I love Jesper

Bro loves her so much

we just moving past that??

HE DIDN'T SHOOT!!! WOOHOO!!!

#★nyx reads soc!

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haunting-jane · 3 months

Text

this whole taylor swift ai scandal is just... eye opening to me. as a feminist, I'm very used to feminist texts that point out misogyny and data that showcases how the patriarchy kills us all a little every day. and ofc as someone chronically online I've encountered incels and terrible men many many times, but this incident in specific feels different to me.

I guess I've just created a bubble of my own where I mostly consume feminist content or at least posts only made by women, making it harder for me to come across mgtow, or whatever that acronym is, men. but when something so big as this breaks free of its bubble, we get to see what they actually think.

and oh my god, it's horrible. we all know how wicked men can be but seeing them admitting it? it's another level of disgusting. saying that she deserves it, that none of us are safe now, that the idea of taylor hating that this is out there just turns them on, saying it's not a big deal, that we can't take a joke, that they do it just to see us hurt and the worst one for me yet, celebrating the suicide of that 14 year old who took her own life after some boys of her school created ai porn of her.

I cannot express in words how mad I am, how I wish men would fucking die in the slowest way possible. and the worst part is that I know that despite all my rage, that no matter how much women hate men, men will always hate us more. it's like ancestral, cultural, deep hate that permeates every interaction we have with them. they don't see us as people, not even like animals, most of them are rapists and they take pride on that.

when I said this incident was eye-opening, it's because it made so many men show their true colors. we all know what they're capable of as a group, but seeing individuals I once trusted or at least considered decent give their terrible opinions on this was like a punch to the gut. the ones who don't find those pictures funny or sexy claim that they are not a big deal, and the 2% of men that are also appalled prefer to target women who are calling out the other 98%, saying we're "just as bad". so yeah, eye-opening.

I just don't have the words, I'm venting rn and I'm so pissed and so fucking tired of their disgusting depraved evil nature. I wish I could take us all to somewhere we could be safe, I wish taylor sued their asses, I wish they would just fucking die. or at least leave us alone.

what a terrible age to be a woman.

(also I wanna add here that if you're a feminist such as myself or really just a woman, these are dark times for any woman right now, but especially for the women and girls in gaza who have literally resorted to tent scraps as substitutes for tampons and menstrual hygiene products. please don't stop being vocal about it, this incident with ts made me so angry cause I got to see for the first time men who I trusted show their true colors, but let's not lose sight of our most urgent matter and emergency: palestine)

#taylor swift #misandry #feminism #misogyny #free palestine #free gaza

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starsarefire824 · 1 year

Text

Nancy’s brows go together when she sees her brother’s face. “Mike?” she asks and takes a step towards the foyer.

“Not now!” he screeches at her, before opening the closet door and shoving Max inside. She’s surprised to find that it’s a walk-in closet, like a little tiny room with shelves and hangers stuffed with shoes and coats. Max absently wonders what it’s like to be able to afford to have multiple coats and shoes.

“Mike what the fuck are you doing?” She asks grumpily, and then Mike is turning her around, gripping her tightly by two shoulders and pushing her against the wall. Her head spins a little in the dim light and she realizes that Gareth’s liquor has officially kicked in.

Mike’s face is mere inches from hers and she squirms under his grip, but then pauses when she sees his expression. His brow is turned up nervously and his eyes are wide. “Max,” Her name is breathless and anxious on his lips. He smells like musk and the clean cotton scent of whatever bar of soap he uses.

“I am freaking out!” he says, squeezing her shoulders a little more in his grip. “Like completely freaking out!!”

He presses his lips into a tight line and stares at her like she’s supposed to have some sort of solution for him. How the hell is she supposed to do that when she herself has barely made it twenty minutes into this party?

Mike spins around, gesturing wildly with his hands as he talks to the dark. “Will is just…out there, and he’s gonna be like—swimming— in a bathing suit —and I already screwed up because I completely forgot my bathing suit, so that ideas out. And like—what if I can’t get him alone? What if I finally say something and he like– rejects me ?” Mike turns back around at her then, taking hold of her shoulders anew. His eyes search hers wildly. “ Then he’ll know. He’ll know that I’m a queer and what if he tells everyone?”

Every one of Max’s nerve endings is singed and her mind is racing and Mike will not shut up and he’s starting to make her freak out!

Enough !

Max shrugs his hands off of her and swipes her hand across Mike’s cheek in a swift slap. It’s not too hard, but enough to get his attention. “Mike!” she scream-whispers. “Will you fucking stop! I am going to lose my shit!”

As if she’s brought him out of a trance Mike suddenly slackens and sighs. “Oh my God, you’re right. I’m so sorry.” He brushes his hair out of his face and frowns.

Max tentatively rubs the muscle of his arm in what she hopes is comforting. “Hey,” she says, softer. “It’s going to be fine. You somehow keep forgetting that you guys are like, best friends?! Even if it doesn’t go the way you want, you really think that Will would say shit to anyone?” She crosses her arms and looks up at him like a parent giving a lecture.

“Since when has Will ever spilled one of his friend’s secrets? I mean—he physically cannot lie—he gets all wiggly and weird—and he knows what it’s like to be different and bullied. Just like you. Why would he spread something around that will just make your life harder? I don't even think Will would do that to someone he hated. Besides—-you also keep forgetting the fact that Will has literally never had a girlfriend or even the hint of a girlfriend and generally looks at you like you can walk on water or something.”

She makes a face. “ It’s actually disgusting. ”

Max’s heart clenches happily when she sees the slight tug on the corner of Mike’s lips. He smiles gently. Thank God.

Mike nods. “No, you’re totally right.” The coiled tension he’d been holding tight in his shoulders releases, and the closet suddenly feels way less claustrophobic.

“I’m always right,” she says matter-of-factly. That makes Mike grin, dark eyes shining with relief and thanks. “Yeah,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I am starting to realize that.”

They stand there for a long minute, both settling their hearts back to a normal pace, and then Mike looks up at her. “Drink?” he asks, eyebrows raised up in question.

Max nods. “Definitely.”

They sneak out of the closet and saunter into the very large, state of the art kitchen, where it’s really crowded and kids are packed around where food and drinks are laid out. Nancy and Steve catch sight of them again, Jonathan having disappeared off into the masses. Nancy looks at her brother and then at Max, her expression peculiar.

“What were you guys doing?”

Mike shrugs casually, but his voice is too high when he answers. “Nothing. Just conspiring.”

Steve looks at Nancy, now also very confused. “Conspiring for what?”

And nosy apparently.

Mike’s face pinches in annoyance. He squints at them. “World Domination. What the fuck , why do you care ?”

Before Nancy and Mike can get into it Max speaks up. “We’re just in need of a drink.”

Steve gestures to the corner counter by the fridge where there are bottles and bottles of all different kinds of cheap liquor and wine.

“Be my guest,” he says, his tone slightly annoyed. God, she just wishes Mike could go in a room for once in his life and not piss someone off. She shoots him a nasty glare like a five year old, then smiles at Nancy and Steve.

“Thank you!” she chirps politely, grabbing a fistful of Mike’s stupid white t-shirt and pulling him violently behind her. He could have put a little more effort into his appearance, Jesus.

They arrive at the makeshift bar and mix themselves drinks. She takes a long sip of hers, a lot of clear liquor but a little extra sweet to make it go down easier. She holds her glass up to him.

“Stick to the plan,” she toasts.

Mike cheers back and smiles warily as if he’s just agreed to go off to war or something. “Stick to the plan.”

Chapter 4: the party (Part 1) of The Pact

#madwheeler #byler #lumax + el polycule #stranger things #max mayfield mike wheeler disater bi hours #stranger things fic #will byers #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #gareth and jeff #el hopper

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alostlittleriverlotus · 7 months

Text

angry rant

My friend MA can't go to their friends when we have problems because they'll label me as manipulative and gaslighting them.

For...have fucking needs, episodes, delusions, and emotions. I am not intentionally controlling and abusing MA. I'm severely fucking traumatized and this is the healthiest relationship I have ever fucking had. I am constantly dissociated and delusional and they're my main source of narcissistic supply.

It's also so disgusting as I've been demonized most of my life for having needs, being clingy, being bossy and selfish, etc. And so the fact that MA's friends would assume this shit about me fucking hurts. Despite my difficulties with relationships, I work so fucking hard. And I hate it. I fucking hate how many people assume I'm a controlling abuser because I'm dependent, needy, and disabled. That they won't even see how much I encourage and support MA, how much I work to manage what is rational and irrational, that I give just as much back to MA as I take. They wanted to quit beauty school for me because the schedule was too demanding and straining our relationship yet I told her to stay, to do it, to go for it regardless of what it did to us. Why? Cause that's her fucking dream. I knew we would get through it even if it was fucking hell and I didn't wanna see her quit because of me. I was just as determined to get through it. And recently, she graduated and even tho things aren't perfect, they're getting better.

Maybe stop fucking lumping in every single "unacceptable" trauma reaction as fucking abuse. That's the thinking that led me to literally harm myself to show I wouldn't hurt others and to be more acceptable as an abuse victim. Me having meltdowns, episodes, delusions, breaks from reality that get so bad that I'm in crisis is NOT a fucking abuse tactic!!! You cannot say you support the mentally ill if you don't support the "bad" mentally illnesses!!!

I have never had a friend this close that wouldn't be a lie or end up leaving me. I haven't had good relationships. I'm 22 and barely feel I deserve love. I'm so fucking traumatized and abused and I do my best to not be toxic and hurt others cause I don't wanna hurt those I love. But that doesn't mean I am perfect with 0 harmful reactions.

By that logic, MA is gaslighting me and projecting onto me is her abusing me. She's dependent on me and often projects her abusers' thoughts onto me without a care for my feelings. Is that abuse too? NO!!! Because I know she's in her own head and having issues! Of course toxic and "negative" behaviours will happen!!! We both are in stressful environments living with abusers that make us feel small and both don't have professional help cause the system fucking sucks in America and my friend is low income.

Actually stfu if u think me being disabled, traumatic, and psychotic is fucking abuse or manipulation or gaslighting. Just because I'm the "unacceptable" kind of trauma and abuse survivor doesn't mean shit. Fucking stop comparing me to fucking abusers. Stop labelling me as bad for having fucking episodes. That bs thinking which very much aligns with what narc abuser ableists believe is what led me to actually be more toxic and hurtful!!!

I do not owe anyone perfection!!! I do not owe anyone the "good" trauma responses!!! For where I came from, I am proud of my progress!!! I will not have my fucking trauma responses demonized as if I'm some fucking abuser!!! Stop making MA into a perfect little victim!!! They've hurt me too, they've been toxic to me too!!! Cause we're both neurodivergent traumatized people!!!

And it especially makes me mad they'd jump to that conclusion cause like: 1- YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!!!!!! It would be him ranting about a fight or disagreement or tense episode we had!!! That DOES NOT DICTATE OUR RELATIONSHIP!!!!! 2- MA has hurt me too!!! Lied to me in an attempt to people please, trauma dumped onto me when I literally get triggered by that, depended on me so much they couldn't make a decision without asking me (not the polite considerate way, the toxic dependent way), refuses to acknowledge I can be anything less than perfect which caused some major dissonance with myself, worsened my delusions even after we had multiple talks of how to handle my delusions. They are not an abuser, I am not an abuser. Cause we're both fucking mentally ill as hell with so little help!!!

Stop being fucking weird about disabled traumatized people!!! Stop being weird about personality disorders even if u don't know they're personality disorders!!! That kind of thinking is the same one people use to say meltdowns are emotional manipulation when it's a FUCKING AUTISTIC MELTDOWN!!!!!

When MA told me that, it made me so fucking mad. They're her friends and even they can't be bothered to actually understand and just want to label me as controlling and abusive and manipulative because MA and I have difficulties. We don't owe you perfection, we don't owe anyone the ability to be a good person. Stop holding us to the standards of non-traumatized people. I am psychotic, I can be fucking toxic, I have explosive episodes, I have delusions that literally tell me that everything is a fucking lie and MA is some awful evil person so I react to that.

Especially with MA's abusive family flat out labelling me as such because they prefer me since their family regularly ignores their boundaries, snaps at them, and makes them feel like shit, yeah that fucking sucks.

Personality disorders are never gonna be 1000% pleasant. I've had my depressed friend snap at me. Does that mean they're an awful friend? No. They have fucking depression and especially were unmedicated at the time. MA and I both have moral/good person based OCD which affects us both in how we see ourselves and makes us more defensive. MA is sensitive to criticism and doesn't have the natural thought process I have to work through intense anxious thoughts so of course they're more reactive. Yeah it hurts when they say shit to me, but I also know they're mentally ill and they've given me the same patience and understanding so I do the same back.

I hate my trauma responses lumping me in as an abuser. I hate MA's trauma responses lumping her in as an innocent victim. We both have been good, we both have been bad. Cause that's how it fucking is when You've been abused, neglected, traumatized, and have no help.

Just be fucking normal about trauma reactions. Be fucking normal when someone has an episode.

My god my head hurts so bad my brain fog is bad and I can barely think. Oh my God I am not in a good mood. But there's my fucking rang.

We are never going to be 1000% good and perfect people especially without actual help which we can't get cause of the system in America being fucking shite and also the lack of money. But for what we both have, we do so damn well and I'm proud of both of us. We both try so hard and work to communicate and I want that fucking celebrated and not have us lumped into this idea that I abuse them. It's fucking bs people think this because I have trauma responses that aren't "acceptable" because I'm explosive, emotional, and have episodes and delusions. Fuck. Off.

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