#( MJ is badass and he finds that very hot )

[inhcritance]

🔥🔥🔥

send me a 🔥 and i'll tell you one thing my muse finds attractive about yours

Her principles! She has her morals, her sense of justice, and she'll stand by them. She's dealt with her fair share of shady elements, and yet she still has clear lines.

Her determination. Worrying as it's been sometimes, it's something he can respect and definitely finds attractive.

Her resourcefulness. MJ is a very competent woman that will find answers, one way or another. And he's definitely attracted to that.

#redhead reporter #(( answered asks )) #( MJ is badass and he finds that very hot )

[s6ider]

a bunch of random ass peter hcs i thought about at work because i really had nothing to do

hes an advocate for the lgbtq+ community particuarly in youths dont worry bookie ur not alone (hes also been seen at the ny pride parade several times but only as spider-man)

has been to comic con before to see what the hub bub was about was rather surprised to see dozens of cosplays of spider-man whether it be his current suit or ppls own renditions (yes the hello kitty / pink special was present). when someone complimented his 'cosplay' he responded with 'this suit isnt a cosplay'. needless to say that cosplayer didnt believe him

he doesnt have a favorite artist hes just the type of guy to listen whatever sounds nice

typically when asked for the type of interview that involves a live audience + camera he responds with 'no comment' and swings away but the rare off chance he amuses them, hes awkward in the way where he gives a hesitant wave and an unsure glance between the crew and the microphone only to lean as close as he can to speak.

this isnt a hc but damn peter and i are not the same if my extremely hot and badass girlfriend stole from the rich of artifacts they claimed in an underground auctions / just to have it as a social status i would support her whole heartedly and not change her i would do anything for her in fact

sure hes attracted to mj and harry and felicia and finds the whole crew of the avengers attractive and sable and

hes a fan of tony stark (in terms of how cool he thinks tonys suit is and is very interested to know the intricate designs even idly thinking about if he should apply that to his own + avengers towers) and natasha romanova (a russian SPY? he could rly learn a thing or 2 from her + hes slightly afraid of her shes just so badass)

helps introduce miles and tony as a favor that was long owed while he cant help in 'spidey training' / thinks miles is ready to rly prove himself

his favorite thing about being spider-man is getting to know everyone personally it helps cement is morality

speaking of that with his undiagnosed ptsd he has night horrors and goes days without sleep to help sway those bad thoughts to do patrols but he doesnt know this his harming him instead. running from ur thoughts and not addressing them doesnt help (ill go deeper into this in another post)

he so desperately wants to believe everyone can be saved in some form but hes accepted that those who refuse the hand thats offered is of no help if they refuse to accept change; its along the lines u cant save everyone whether it be physically or morality

he cant take therapy because then he would have to go thru all the things that have given him trauma (will hit them with 'yeah im fine... i think') and intrusive thoughts because hes spider-man so he did the next best thing that mj had suggested: yoga

he makes silly little status on twitter to help communicate with his followers as a whole and is the type to take a picture on top of a tall building and something silly like 'good morning ny'

in addition to that he saves random fanart he finds and saves it to his phone he even as some as his wallpaper on his phone

#under a read more because this is long #i say hc but its canon in my brain #also i didnt expect this list to be so long so sowwy

[allegra-writes]

"Lights up" part II

Peter Parker x SHIELD Agent! Reader

NSFW

WARNINGS: SMUT

Series Masterlist

He froze. No. Oh god, please no ...

He lowered his gaze to you, and watched in horror as your eyes went from his left hand above his crotch, your own position on top of him, then finally, to his face.

He was dead. If you didn't kill him for molesting you in your sleep, the shame would probably finish him. Although he firmly believed it was going to be the former. He could actually see it, the storm brewing in your eyes, the adrenaline dilating your pupils, getting you ready to fight.

"I'm sorry. I am so so-" You muffled his apologies with your lips. Ok, maybe not to fight.

Peter had never been kissed before, not like that. And, as your lips continued to move against his, sensual yet firm, demanding, he felt like he hadn't at all. Nothing he had ever felt before compared to this, to the taste of your tongue on his, to the smell of your hair, falling on his face, to the touch of your hands, splayed on his chest, fingers tracing the hard planes hungrily.

He spun you over, so it was you with your back on the mattress, and him hovering above you. He didn't recognize the sound leaving his throat as you opened your legs and he fell between them, as you buried your fingers on his curls and tugged, as his mouth left yours to explore your jaw, your neck, your collarbone. He watched in awe as your own hand lowered a strap of your tank top down your shoulder, until one gorgeous, perfect breast was bared to him, for him . He wasted no time imitating your movements with your other strap, maybe a little too enthusiastically, snapping it.

You giggled.

"So-sorry" he mumbled, "I've never… done this before"

You bit your lip.

"Do you want to?"

He met your eyes, a feverish, almost crazed look in his own.

"Yes. God, yes!"

You tugged him to you again, and this time, it was him crashing his mouth on yours, nibbling at your lips, forcing his tongue inside. He started rolling his hips against yours on instinct, the movement rubbing his delicious pecs against your hard nipples with every drag of his hips. The feeling of skin on skin was driving you wild. You needed more.

"Rip it off" you panted into his mouth

"Wha-?"

"My top," you broke the kiss to command, "rip it off me. I know you can do it" he was certainly strong enough. He fisted his hand on the fabric and tugged. It tore as easily as if it were paper. He sat back to admire his work.

"Wow…" 

You smiled. Whatever self-consciousness you could have felt, disintegrating at the wonderstruck look on his face. You brought your hands to your breast, massaging, tugging, rolling your nipples between your fingers, eyes never leaving his. 

"You are so beautiful" He marveled under his breath and you weren't sure you were supposed to hear that, but you were glad that you did. You were a spy, beauty wasn't much of a virtue to you. It was a tool, a weapon, a disguise. You knew how to fake it or hide it, depending on what the mission required. But here there was nowhere to hide. Peter was seeing you exactly for who and what you were, and he still wanted you. 

"Lose the pants" You demanded, trying to regain control, "and sit against the headboard"

His hands were shaking as he took both his pants and his boxers off in one go. This time it was your time to marvel, not only at his size (although it was considerable) but also at his shape. He was perfect: thicker than your biggest toy, but not that long. That was better anyway, since you were going to be able to ride him hard, with no fear of stabbing your cervix on it. He was cut, too, but considering his religion that wasn't surprising.

"Fuck! Even your cock is pretty"

Peter blushed but said nothing as he sat exactly like you had ordered. You made quick work of your shorts but kept your underwear. His eyes went wide as he saw the lace and you knew you had made the right call. You straddled his thighs, wrapping your hand around his cock, and his head fell back.

"Fuck!" He cursed. He was so responsive and obedient, there was definitely a submissive streak in him and you were dying to explore it. Maybe later.

His hands slid up the back of your thighs until they reached your butt, where they slipped under the lace. 

You pumped his cock once, twice, three times, tearing as many moans out of him. The fourth one was muffled by your lips on his.

You only broke the kiss when you were light headed, and he chased after your lips, whining softly when you stayed away. Peter finally opened his eyes, resting his forehead against yours, warm brown eyes boring into you even in the dark.

"Pete, are you sure?"

"Yes. God, yes! I wanted this," he confessed, "I wanted you, for so long…"

You averted his eyes. 

"What about…" You trailed off. You weren't sure that you wanted to know the answer to what you were about to ask. But you had to, it would annihilate you if Peter regretted this later. "What about MJ?"

You sounded so unsure, so vulnerable, so unlike the badass secret agent persona he had met that afternoon… Peter realized you weren't only letting him see your body, you were letting him see more, something more intimate: you were letting him see you. 

He kissed you again, softer, slower, cradling your face in his hands, lips moving against yours until he felt you sigh and relax into his embrace. He broke the kiss but his lips never left your skin, placing delicate butterfly kisses on your cheeks, on your jaw.

"It's you. It's always been you" Besides, he had kind of broke up with her when he left her in that alley. Even if he hadn't realized he was in love with someone else, he would have done it, for her own safety. But you knew how to take care of yourself, he didn't need to protect you from his love. He only needed you to accept it. 

And you seemed to do it. Or at least, you had accepted his answer, reaching down between your bodies, finding his cock again. You slid the head up and down your slit, and his hands left your face to grab onto the iron rail of the headboard above his head. You leaned back to look into his eyes, one hand braced on his shoulder, the other guiding him inside you, inch by delicious inch

Peter looked down. Your lacy panties where completely ruined, tugged to the side, trim patch of curls visible just above where his thick shaft disappeared inside you. It was dirty, and obscene and perfect. 

You were perfect. All tight, wet heat around him. Burning him, lighting him up inside, so hot he could feel you browning his skin so right. You were the sun, sparking up what should have been his darkest night. 

By the time you had taken him all the way in, you were as breathless as him. 

"You ok?" 

"More than" Peter gasped. You noticed his hands around the headboard and lifted an eyebrow. "Do-don't… don't wanna hurt you" he explained and you nodded your understanding, before lifting yourself up a few inches, eyes never leaving his as you sank right back down. 

He was beautiful like that, eyes glossy with desire, mouth agape, muscles straining with the effort to keep his hands off you. You had a vision of his hands tied to that very same bed as you screwed yourself hard on his cock, and you vow to yourself to make it a reality before your time on the island was over. You started to build a rhythm, wave after wave of pleasure hitting you as you jumped on the most incredible cock, filling you up so good, so completely, it seemed made just for you. 

"God, you feel so good!"

"Tell me" he begged, sounding desperate, wrecked, as you rode him mercilessly, "please"

"So hard" you moaned, your own hands trailing your tits, your neck, pulling at your hair, "so deep… Fuck, I love this cock!" 

"Fu-fuck!" Peter's hips started bucking up, trying to meet yours. It didn't take long for him to succeed, thrusting up every time you came down, going deeper, hitting your clit just so with his pubic bone.

"Yes! Just like that… you're doing so well, baby boy"

Your praise ignited something inside him, hands letting go of the headboard to wrap around your waist, helping you move. 

You cried out, feeling the heat starting to build 

"Like that, yes, Peter… just like that… keep going"

"I- I can't!.. 'm sorry, I'm gonna… I'm…"

Then you felt it. The little contractions, the warm -warmer than human's- liquid painting your insides. You stopped moving.

"Oh god! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Peter hid his face with his hands, ashamed, humiliated. You didn't know what to say, too stunned to even get up from his lap. 

"I'm so so sorry!" He kept on babbling, "It's just… you're really hot and… I'd never-"

"Felt something like that?" You spoke at last, trying to pry his hands away from his face to look at him, "Yeah, I know. It was your first time, it was bound to happen. It's completely normal…"

Right. Of course that was the one way he had to be normal. You started to get up, but his hands flew from his face to your hips to stop you.

"No!" He pleaded, eyes full of tears of shame, of frustration. "You didn't…"

You shook your head,

"Peter, it's ok, I enjoyed it, trust me" 

"But it doesn't have to be over" his grip on your hips tightened, "I can keep on, see?"

He bucked his hips and you felt him start to harden again inside you.

"Pete, I like you" maybe a little too much, "You don't have to prove anything to me" 

Peter squared his jaw, a new determination igniting within his eyes, making you gulp. He was going to be damned if he didn't make you come your first time together.

He rolled on top of you, trapping you under his body, still connected to you.

"Tell me you don't want it" He defied, thrusting into you, making you gasp despite yourself.

"I don't want it"

"Liar" he smirked, rolling his hips again, and again. And again, until he was fucking you into the mattress. Maybe he wasn't as submissive as you had first thought. He hooked your legs on his elbows, pushing them up as he pushed into you harder, deeper. 

"You sure this is your first time?" You kidded.

"Told you… wanted you… so long… thought 'bout this… so much" it was getting harder and harder to form complete thoughts, nevermind sentences, especially with you arching your back like that, eyes closing, mouth opening. 

"Really?" You said between moans, "What did you think about?"

"About tasting you" He replied, licking into your open mouth, "about… coming all over your beautiful body… About making you come, over and over, until you beg me to stop…"

He let go of one of your legs to trail his hand up and down your body, taking a detour to play with your breasts, massaging just the way he had seen you do it before, first one, then the other one. You arched your back almost impossibly, pressing yourself into his touch. Your hips started to move but he held you still, splaying his hand just between your hips. 

"If you do that I won't last much, again. And you feel too good to stop…"

You had a feeling he could still just flip you over and fuck you again. You felt his hand on your breast being replaced by his tongue, as his free arm wrapped itself around your waist, lifting you, changing the angle. 

"There" He declared, almost triumphantly as he started grinding against your g-spot with every stroke, making you see stars, every nerve ending in your body coming alight. He could actually feel the different texture of that tiny patch of skin inside you, eyes rolling back every time the head of his cock grazed it. 

Never again was he going to complain about his super senses, not when you were squeezing him so good, shaking in his arms, fingernails digging into his back deep enough to draw blood. 

"Yes, just like that babe, let me feel you come. I wanna feel it baby, I wanna…"

You came screaming his name, and he thrusted into you a couple more times, help in you ride it out. Then he slid out of you, just in time to paint your chest, your belly in white ribbons, marking you as his.

He fell, boneless on top if you, but his weight was comforting rather than suffocating. 

"We're gonna need a safe word" You commented, casually, as if you weren't trying to catch your breath after the best, most mindblowing sex you had had in your short, violent life. 

Peter raised his head from your neck to look at you, confused frown marring his lovely face. 

"If you're really planning on making me come until I beg you to stop, you're gonna need to know when I'm really asking you to stop" You explained, "Ergo, we're gonna need a safe word" 

His eyes went wide, freezing for a few seconds. And then he was kissing you with all he had.

"You, Agent 16, are amazing" He declared, peppering your face with chaste, sweet little kisses.

You laughed, batting his shoulder to get him off you.

"I know, but get off me! We need another shower, You made us all dirty!"

"Or…" He pondered, rolling off you and getting out of the bed, "We could go skinny dipping, get out and get even more dirty…"

You took the hand he offered,

"Oh, I like the way you think, Peter Parker!" 

…

"You know, if you had told me twelve hours ago that something good could come out of Beck exposing my identity and making the whole world believe I'm a murderer, I would probably had call you insane…"

You were laying on the beach, hours later, head on Peter's chest, as the golden rays of sunrise started to appear on the horizon. He had kept his promise, the both of you covered in sand from head to toe after round three… or was it four? 

"You know it doesn't matter, right? What they think, I mean" You stated, as if it was the simplest of facts, "Nick's never going to let you go to jail, and Pepper is not going to allow anyone talk shit about you. She's probably already sending lawsuits to every website and news channel that reproduced that video. They can't touch you" I won't let them.

"So yeah, the gig is up. The lights are up and they know your identity. They know your name and they are going to talk. But they don't matter. As long as you know who you are, they don't matter, the things they say don't matter." 

"No offence, Sixteen" Peter noted, never stopping caressing your back, "but… that's a little rich coming from you"

"I could tell you my name, the one my parents gave me, I mean, you could do a little background checking" You shrugged, "But I'm not that girl anymore. Hell, I think if my parents saw me on the street, they wouldn't recognize me!"

"I'm sorry" Peter could recognize the melancholy behind your nonchalance. Just a few hours, and he was already becoming an expert on you. He realized he was starting to understand what you meant.

"It's ok, I barely miss them now. Maybe I didn't die in the blip, but sometimes I think that girl did… I'm definitely more Sixteen than her, now. The whole secret identity thing is more for their protection than anything"

Peter thought of May, hiding away in the Lake House. Yeah, he could relate to that. He didn't need a name to know who you were. What was in a name after all? Romeo and Juliet had gotten it right; a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. 

And yes, it would have been easier if things stayed the same, but if they had he wouldn't have you. If stepping into the light was the price he had to pay to keep you, then so be it. As you fell asleep in his arms and the whole world woke up to #Spider-Man trending in every social media, there was no going back. 

Peter Parker was never going back into the shadows.

To be continued...

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader smut #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #tom holland #tom holland x reader smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

(Which Spider-Man?) Mary-Jane takes Miles under her wing instead or Peter has to kill Beck

(set after into the spiderverse)

1.

defeating kingpin and sending the other spider... well, men off to their own worlds felt great, but once it’s over miles has to face the fact that he’s still starting out on his own here and this world’s peter parker, his spiderman, is still fresh in the city’s memory. it means he gets some weird and mixed reactions from people during his first few swing-throughs of the city, but he tries to take them in his stride.

he reminds himself that he has people to go to for advice and support and an entire, whaddayacallit, spider cave to peruse if he wants to. there’s fresh and advanced webshooters, web fluid, costume changes, tracking and recording equipment, and besides, may parker is badass. there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be hanging out there all the time.

except--

there’s this way may’s eyes soften and get watery when she’s looking at him and thinks he isn’t noticing, her entire body cratering at the centre after being upright for so long. it’s awkward when she once asks him to call her ‘aunt may’ then stops herself, looking stricken, then never brings it up again. sitting in her house sipping hot chocolate means remembering the first time he was sitting in that hall; looking at the fading scorch marks on the wall; thinking uncle aaron i miss you and realising for probably the hundredth time that week that he’s never going to see his uncle again. it’s like he’s surrounded by a thousand invisible emotional tripwires, and he’s always walking into them and falling into some memory.

so, yeah. he doesn’t really go to may’s much, unless it’s for an emergency, or he’s running low on web fluid, or needs to repair his costume. it’s during one such trip that he finds mary jane watson sitting in the spidercave.

2.

mj (because of course she wants him to call her mj) is… nice. she’s nice. there’s not a whole lot more miles can say at first because again: peter parker is this sort of insurmountable wall between them, and as much as he bonded with other (his) pete, he isn’t quite sure what this (not his peter but technically his universe’s, so, well. shit. this is all very confusing) peter was really like. he was very kind to miles when he first saw him (and quicker to put two and two together) but did he have that same exhausted dad energy? was he scarily competent and an absolute slob at the same time? did he get that soft, wondering look in his eyes, like he’d received a gift he never expected to get, whenever he thought nobody was looking at him? did he ask his famous-in-her-own-right journalist girlfriend to help him be spider-man, or was that part of him mostly a mystery to her too?

miles could ask said-girlfriend, but… it’s too soon. too raw. too awkward. too miles-has-schoolwork-and-vigilantism-consuming-every-second-of-his-life-and-he-just-doesn’t-have-any-leftover-energy-to-deal-with-this.

they exchange phone numbers during their second meeting and it continues to be weird at first (what’s miles going to do? send mary jane watson pictures of minecraft memes?), but he quickly discovers that mj isn’t really interested in spiderman related--or even adjacent--conversations either. it’s mostly messages asking him about his day, or about school, or if spiderman’s really taking the subway every other morning (miles’ spider genes apparently don’t allow him to withstand swinging from building to building after a full cheeseburger meal). miles quickly loses his nervousness and it even becomes a sort of comfort.

then: the messages start getting… different. what you’re looking for isn’t there and see attachment and i can get you oscorp’s internal files on this and the nuclear material is coming in from oslo not ohio what the fuck even is this spellcheck

all the tips pan out because of course they do, it’s mary jane watson. miles isn’t entirely sure how she seems to know so often what he’s working on, but he suspects that she watches where he’s been as spiderman closer than he first thought. 

still, he feels awkward enough that it’s a while before he texts her i think i’m stuck on this one.

the reply is almost immediate: i thought you’d never ask.

3.

being spider-man is all fun and games until it suddenly isn’t: when miles realises he’s out there in the middle of an inferno without backup, during every moment he jumps off a building and thinks for a split-second, mid-air: what if i don’t make that next landing. more often than not he makes it out okay at the end of the day, but there are also moments like this: stuck under a wooden beam, hurt just enough that he can’t muster the strength to throw the beam off his back, fire raging in the floors beneath him, the heat wafting up threatening to cook him in his nice superhero suit.

i might not make it is no longer a split-second thought. in fact it’s a thought that occupies a lot of whole seconds strung together.

then: “spiderman!”

the shout is followed a few seconds later by mj herself, her form shimmering and wavering in the heat, handkerchief pressed to her nose and mouth. when she sees him her watering eyes light up.

miles’ jaw hangs open, and something clicks in his head: there’s no way spiderman could’ve existed without this reckless, brave, smart yet so stupid, incredible person. 

he’s a lot less nervous about asking for help after that, and about reminding her that yeah, he can be a little foolish at times, but she was the one who ran alone into a burning building to help somebody with super-strength and super-healing. she never argues that last one, just smiles fondly.

4.

mj becomes fast friends with miles’ mother. miles doesn’t even remember how they met--ran into each other at the grocery store every weekend? something. it isn’t really relevant. what’s important is that now mj and his mom appear to be best friends, and miles isn’t sure how to feel about this. he gets the notion that, despite not being bitten by a radioactive spider, mj is much farther along in this world than he is. boundaries are different. more porous. 

even so, mj is… something else.

sometimes, sitting across from her at the dining table at home, it feels like the world is a little bit warmer, a little more… complete. then she would catch his eye and give him a knowing smile, and miles is in his costume again, poised at the apex of an expansive arc and not knowing where he’s going to land in a world he’s starting to realise he doesn’t really understand after all.

he never tells mj about the multiverse spidermen, though he can tell she is curious about where he disappears to every now and then. truth be told, he’s a bit scared of how she’ll react to the idea of other peters existing.

5.

months after that first meeting, miles and mj visit peter’s grave together. 

it’s probably the first time miles has seen mj be anything but calm and put-together. exhaustion piles in like sand in a tipped hourglass. her shoulders slump and her nails claw into a faded sweatshirt that she’s holding in her hands. and yet… she’s holding back, miles realises. for all that he’s seen of her in the last several months, there’s a layer she’s still reserving for peter and miles… doesn’t resent it exactly, this peter spectre that keeps coming up between him and everything that he wants to know about how to do his job, but he hopes…

he hopes he’ll get to know mj some day.

he walks away to a cafe nearby. mj joins him half an hour later, eyes red and mascara smeared but her face dry. they buy milkshakes and plot their next move against doc ock.

 -

( send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons! )

#spiderman #into the spiderverse #miles morales #mary jane watson #my fic #sillierthanasillylaugh #i got stuck halfway through this #like proper STUCK - for a whole month #and my brain didn't allow me to work on anything else until i finished this so #it's been a frustrating month #it's done and i kinda never want to see it again

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

If you're still taking prompts maybe college Peter who has a newborn (up to you how that happened) no one but his close friends know about and one day he has to take him to class for some reason and the baby won't stop crying and Flash is being a dick and people are getting annoyed but professor Tony just asks if he can hold him for him and does so for the rest of the lecture and the baby chills out (an extra if you're into more peter whump maybe he's very much struggling to deal on his own?)

do the thing - send in all the prompts. 

I really liked this one - I saw the original video of this idea and it was real heart warming. 

warnings: underage drinking, minor character death

word count: ~3k

Peter never imagined a singular night of stupidity would change his life forever. Right before winter break of his senior year, Peter had the sudden epiphany that girls were not for him. He and Ned were looking at a The Rise of Skywalker magazine – a typical Saturday night for the two of them. Ned went on and on about how hot Daisy Ridley was, how her badass temperament made her even sexier – but Peter couldn’t take his eyes off the shots of Ben Skywalker. It wasn’t until Ned shoved his shoulder into his side that Peter noticed his own radio silence.

Though he pretended to shake it off for Ned’s sake, his mind kept playing on that fact over and over again. A part of him always wondered why he never got that excited about the dirty magazines the guys would pass around the locker room – or why dates with girls never ended up working out quite right. Some of his best friends were girls that he thought might make the perfect girlfriend, when in fact, they were the perfect friend, instead. It didn’t bother him so much as surprise him – the thought never crossed his mind before, but now – it was the only thing he could think about.

When Ned brought up a party MJ mentioned at lunch earlier, Peter jumped on the chance – it seemed like the perfect place to test out his new theory. Maybe if he just gave himself a chance to like a girl – it would all work out. 

That was his first mistake. 

The next occurred when he let Ned put cup after cup of whatever he found on the drink table in his hand. The last time Peter attempted to drink, he passed out with his pants down in the middle of MJ’s bathroom – upon reflection, he hoped that would have kept him from repeating the same disastrous action.

It seemed he had not had enough punishment for his stupidity – only this time, the result was not incriminating pictures and laughed away stories.

Waking up the next morning, Peter groaned as the world spun around him when he sat up. Blurry eyes took in the room around him and immediately felt panic. The soft violet on the walls was not the normal drab white of Ned’s bedroom, and the comforter pulled over his hips was certainly not the Batman one that his best friend kept spread across his bed. And the person next to him most certain was not Ned. In fact, he couldn’t even remember who the hell it actually was.

He slipped out of bed as quietly as he could, his head still spinning slightly. His naked body clued him in on what exactly went down last night, though no memories of it were able to surface. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand the whirlwind of clothes on the floor and the odd soreness in the small of his back to understand what took place. Stepping into his clothes, Peter pulled out the little notebook he kept in his jeans pocket and tore out a page – his half-drunk brain barely able to translate a legible note.

In leaving his number, he never assumed the girl would actually get back to him. He couldn’t even remember her name – he still didn’t recall what happened that night. That’s why it was a total shock when she called, her voice a little shaky as she read his own note to him – each word one he remembered putting down on the paper. He clenched his jaw a little and stayed on the phone, the girl he now knew as Stacy had something to tell him. And man did he regret not hanging up the damn phone.

All of his plans to leave and head to MIT were put on hold the second he found out he was going to be a father. He felt May’s heart break across the room later that night when he told her the news. She wanted him to get out of here and do bigger and better things just as much as Peter did – probably even more so, if he thought a little bit about it. 

The hug she gave him felt a little bittersweet. They cried together and then stood back up and made a plan. There were a lot of things that needed to happen before a new little person could take up residence in their small apartment.

It turned out that Stacy was a couple of years older than him and trying to navigate her way through NYU classes. She was a nice person and wouldn’t be too bad of a person to raise a child with. Peter told her up front that their time together was a mistake – that even after finding out about their soon-to-be son, he still didn’t think there’d be a chance for them. 

It felt good to jump that hurdle before things got too complicated when the kid did actually come around. She seemed perfectly happy to share the parenting duties – it didn’t hurt that she fit in pretty nicely with May, either; the girls were always whispering about this thing or that whenever he and Stacy got together to go to appointments.

Seeing his baby’s face on the monitor every time they went in for a check up kept things in perspective for him. When May had to check him out of classes to make appointments, his stomach rolled a little – there were so many opportunities he was missing, and the kid wasn’t even there yet. 

The heartbeat and promise of little hands that would wrap around his made it all worth it, though. He never thought about being a dad, there wasn’t time in a 17-year-old’s life for that. With it now on his doorstep, Peter’s brain wouldn’t shut down and think about anything else.

There was so much anxiety built up around whether he could be a good dad with very little resources and a singular aunt that would support him through anything, but had a life of her own to live, too. His deferment of his MIT acceptance chipped at the resolve he tried to build each day the arrival of his son got more and more near. Peter let himself be happy with the fact that he could still go to college at all. NYU was better than nothing.

When Atlas came around, it was with a mixture of joy and sadness. Right after holding him for the first time, Stacy simply dropped back against the hospital bed, her eyes shutting uselessly. Peter looked around with the newborn baby still in his arms, the beeping of machines and rush of people in the room making the boy wail – the stimulus almost too much for Peter himself. It never occurred to him that one moment would be the last time he or Atlas saw her. In one fell swoop, Peter became a father and sole provider to the tiniest human he’d ever seen.

The transition wasn’t very easy, either. There weren’t romantic feelings between him and Stacy, but she was the mother to his child, the person he’d come to know pretty well over the past 9 months. An aneurism seemed silly in a 19-year-old girl – yet, it took her all the same. One of Atlas’s first days outside of the hospital was spent in the small cemetery her estranged uncle picked to bury her in. He declined Peter’s invitation to hold Atlas and got in his car the second the ceremony was over.

Just like that, Peter had a three-day-old and the impending start of college classes. He assumed sometime in the near future he needed to get a job, too – but he could only handle a couple of big things at a time. Getting the baby settled and into a routine seemed like the most important thing, so he focused on that. May helped the first couple of days – her chill nature a little frayed now that a screaming child kept them both awake at night.

Atlas was just shy of a week old when Peter started classes at NYU. 3 of the 4 he signed up to take were cookie cutter prerequisites and general education classes. The pick of the loot as a freshman was not very rich. He did manage to snag a Biophysics class, though – his AP credit getting him something a least.

The professor was a gorgeous man with a neat goatee and the softest eyes. He spoke with authority and the distinctness that came from being extremely knowledgeable about the thing he talked about frequently. Peter spent a lot of his time in Professor Tony’s class alternating between drooling over how stunning he was and daydreaming about how much fun they could have together – if the older man would appreciate being called daddy the same way Peter wanted so much to say it.

The most standout piece of Mr. Stark came from the kindness he treated all of his students with. Peter absentmindedly forgot to turn in the week’s homework and wrote an embarrassingly long and blathering message about this and that as an excuse – and if he could please, for the love of god, turn the damn thing in. Tony’s response was swift and gentle, the man allowing him a couple more days to get it in without deducting any points. When it happened again the second week, he pushed the deadline back for Peter and the rest of the class. In all the unluckiness, Peter was surprised to find such a caring person in the most unlikely of places.

The next week, Peter was shaken awake by May, a distraught look on her face. “I know that you have class today, but I can’t keep the baby. I got called into work. I’m sorry, Pete,” May said softly, her eyes trying to stay soft, to stay under control the same way she’d always been. Blinking, Peter sat up a little – the sleep clung to him tightly, the crustiness in the corner of his eye making it hard to keep his eyes open. Atlas still wasn’t sleeping very well and there’d been many hours of rocking the night before.

“Okay. I got him. Thanks, May,” Peter replied blearily, his hand moving up to brush at his eyes. It took another minute or two to come around, then Peter was out of bed and moving into the kitchen – his body putting together a bottle and some things into a bag on autopilot. 

He could probably change the baby’s diaper with his eyes closed now, too. Taking care of Atlas was all he’d done for weeks now, his classes the only thing that gave him sanctuary. Now, he didn’t even get to have that. Blowing out a breath, Peter got into the shower and got clean before Atlas was up and crankily crying out for him.

The idea of staying home didn’t hit him until about ten minutes into class when Atlas would not stop crying. The decision to take him came when he noticed that they were just a couple class periods away from the exam – he wasn’t sure how Tony tested and didn’t want to miss anything. 

Atlas didn’t make a peep their entire walk over and when he sat down, he figured that trend would continue. After twenty minutes of it and Flash Thompson turning around three times to tell him to shut his kid up, Peter started to get out of his seat. It’d been a stupid idea in the first place.

All of the sudden, Professor Stark was in his row, his hands out in front of him. “I’ll take him. Do you have a bottle? I can feed him and talk at the same time,” Tony said, his face split with a soft grin. The man stepped a little closer and crouched down, his fingers wiggling in front of Atlas’s face. “What’s his name, Pete?”

Not knowing what else to do and suddenly so very grateful for the man, Peter turned the boy’s carrier and happily handed Tony his son – the older man cradled him carefully and stood up. He looked good with a baby in his arms. Peter reached out to give him a bottle and their fingers touched – a delicate zing that Peter couldn’t ever remember feeling before shot up his arm and settled in his chest. “Come talk to me later.” He flashed Peter a smile and started back down the stairs to the front of the lecture hall.

He tried to pay attention, he really did – but it was hard to focus when Tony was holding Atlas so delicately and swaying back and forth to mock a rocking motion. True to his word, the man continued to lecture – the normal talking with his hands transferred to his face, instead. His eyebrows hiked up his forehead and quirked to run a severe line between them while he spoke – the entire experience of it a little bit overwhelming. 

Atlas finished the bottle a little bit into the more intense parts of the lecture – Tony simply put him against his chest and started to burp him while he described the math problem they were currently looking at on the projector.

The whole thing was too much and not nearly enough all at one time. It felt like a tease, seeing just how good the gorgeous man could be with someone so precious to him. The part of Peter that yearned for help like that made him want to cry – his eyes watering a few times throughout the rest of the lecture. 

Flash looked back once when Peter was wiping at his eye and called him a pussy – the word not having nearly as much bite as it would have before Atlas came around. He was a father with a lot of shit on his plate – and far from the type of person that would run away from his problems.

For the rest of the lecture, Peter kept his eyes on the sleeping baby in Tony’s arms – of course he would be quiet for a complete stranger. Though, Peter understood the ability to be comfortable in the older man’s presence, he felt that way himself. Getting up when Tony dismissed everyone, Peter climbed down the stairs and put the carrier by his feet, a hesitant smile on his face. “Professor Stark, you have no idea how sorry I am,” Peter started, his words immediately cut off by Tony’s hand raising.

“Don’t apologize. You needed some help, so I gave it to you. Besides, Atlas and I are pals. He didn’t throw up on me,” Tony remarked, his eyes pinching at the corners as a stunning smile slipped across his face. “He can’t be too old. How are you coping with classes and a newborn?”

Without really knowing what was happening, Peter started to cry – the question making all of the thoughts he’d been holding back crash down over his head. He wasn’t coping – he did his best to survive and that was it. 

Peter loved the hell out of Atlas, but parenting was not for young people. There was a deeply engrained need to make sure other people did not make the same mistake he did – having a child was absolutely no fucking joke.

Peter felt an arm wrap around him, the smell of cedar wood and something he couldn’t quite place invading his senses. Atlas was still fast asleep in Tony’s arms – the baby’s feet pressing into him a little when the other pulled him close. There wasn’t enough energy in him to feel embarrassed – it felt good to be held, so he leaned into the comfort of Tony’s arms.

“It’s alright, Pete. Let me help you.” Tony muttered the words softly, his tone of voice just as much for Peter as it was for the small baby in his arms. “I can take care of the both of you.”

#starker #ironspider #ask prompts #bobbie writes #au prompts #teacher/student au #anonymous #nonnie

[theadorablespderman]

Everything to love about Far From Home not in this order:

Literally seeing that opening with all our loved avengers that are no more.

Whitney Houston “I will always love you” made me cry because damnit Tony’s face was right THERE! NOT OK!

The blip footage was pretty damn funny not gonna lie.

Peter’s cute ass plan to tell MJ how he feels.

MJ’s favorite flower being a Black Dalia because of the murder. Literally a girl I can relate too. Murderinos for life sister. Idk but it just made her sooo relatable!

The fact that Brad is a kid grown up from the blip and that made him seem all the weirder for MJ.

Jealous Peter was so freaking amazing! Oh my gosh! That face he’d get. I’m a sucker for jealousy and they did it so good.

Making MJ this awesome character she was before but also obviously has this softer layer where she does have flaws and insecurities and she’s really sweet but also so badass. That was amazing.

The starting relationship between Peter and Beck. It was cute and so I was sad knowing that Beck was somehow going to be the villain.

Also let’s talk about how Beck is basically Syndrom from the incredibles.

That scene with Peter and Brad....the pure terror when he snapped that picture

Also seeing how big of a dick Brad is and how unhealthy jealous he was.

“Nick Fury” getting ghosted, showing up in Venice, tranquilising Ned (don’t touch him you monster) and then promptly highjacking Peters Summer trip.

Showing the emotional trama Peter is going through. The anxiety, the greiving. It was very reminiscent of Iron Man 3 when Tony suffers from PTSD after the battle of New York. I loved that they showed Peter reacting as any kid would, many adults too, which is to just try and forget anything happened but being faced with the reality every day. So well done.

Happy and May’s relationship. Enough said 😂😂

I feel cheated we didn’t see Mr delmore again.

Addressing all the problems the Blip/Snap created. High school aging, school, drinking ages, homelessness and housing issues. That’s just the start of it I’m sure but they covered those pretty well and I love that.

The technology that made Beck into Misterio was so well done. Instead of some frankly, kinda far fetched story that he came from an alternate earth (which I was willing to believe but felt it was a cop out in terms of plot and character) they showed the real world issues that superhero’s can create. The Enemies that have a real deep rooted hatred for hero because they’ve personally been betrayed or wronged by them. Because marvel has always made clear, everyone is not on the hero’s side.

Steeping Misterio’s powers in tech which is classing marvel but again, so brilliantly done in this movie. I loved the development. Because at first glance, half way through, I was thinking “wow this is really kinda weird and unexplained and too witchcraft for what marvel usually brings to the superpower backstory” I know it’s weird to say after everything marvel has done. But it seemed just a tad out there without being too hard to grasp. Which again was brilliantly done because that was the whole point.

The nod to Misterio’s helmet even when Beck was in the hologram suit watching everything play out. I guess it was his screen? But I loved the staple of even without his big over the top suit he still had the trademark helmet. Great costume design.

Peter’s soft gazes towards MJ. Nearly gave me a cavity they were so sweet! Ahhh sooo cute

Mr. Harrington’s marital problems nearly made me pee my pants....we all knew here in the fandom that shit like that would half to happen but my god lol

The opera scene was sooo freakin cute and that one step Peter took when he saw Brad move in was so freaking cute and hot!

MJ running after him and finding the critical peice of information to crack the case wide open. Loved it.

Betty and Ned’s Sicily sweet romance that you knew couldn’t possibly last. They really nailed the realistic high school romance. But I still ship it.

The bus scene was epic. And when Peter knocked Flash out...god it was amazing.

Mj obviously having love eyes towards Peter same as he does for her.

THE FACT THAT HE ACTUALLY BOUGHT THAT NECKLACE FOR HER OH MY GOD! I CANT GET A GUY TO TEXT ME BACJ LET ALONE BUY A NECKLACE LIKE THAT WHICH PROBABALY COST A GOOD CHUNK OF CHANGE IT WAS SO FREAKING AMAZING AND CUTE AND TOUCHING.

All the iron man images got me feeling depressed as hell

“are you being serious because I was only like 67% sure?” That was amazing. Seeing MJ get so excited and trying to keep that hidden was awesome

The fact that she was so pleased with herself but also played it hella cool when Ned walked in and she said she figured it out. Literally that is me.

The shirtless Peter trope that we all wanted and freaking got! So freaking cute how she tried to peak at his abs. Like understandable girl.

The fucking illusions. Turning our sweet trusting Peter into a ball of mess. I was too.

God when he had to tell himself it wasn’t real but it still totally feels like it is.

Him trying to save MJ when she’s “thrown off the Eiffel Tower”

Every traumatizing thing Beck shows and tells him during the illusion. So shitty.

Seeing Tony’s grave, seeing iron man come out. That was awful and we all felt it in the movie because we’ve lost him too. We could FEEL that slap same as Peter.

Beck telling Peter that Tony’s death was his fault. I was abouta hurl myself at the movie screen.

Every illusion done in a way that just when you think it’s over, it’s never stopped. You forget what’s real and you feel trapped in it same as Peter does.

WHEN HE GETS HIT BY THE TRAIN!!!!!!!!!! Nearly had a damn heart attack!!!! My mom had to look over and ask if I was ok because I literally stopped breathing for a solid 30 seconds.

Showing gradually just how insane and evil Misterio was.

HAPPY BEING CONCERNED FOR PETER! LIKE SINCERELY AND HONESTLY CONCERNED! It’s good to know he’s got Happy to take care of him and May but that Peter still has a father type figure he can count on after Tony. Because you know Tony wouldn’t have put up with any of that getting hit by a train shit.

Also where the hell was Karen? We missed her. We got Edith but Karen wouldn’t have let Misterio take her over. WHERE WAS KAREN!!

Peter crying and needing to know Happy was real. Broke me heart

That hug between them was so sweet and you can see the concern on Happy’s face

Happy and Peter opening up to each other was so awesome considering their relationship in Homecoming.

ALL THE TONY and PETER PARRELLS! All of them!!!!!!!!! Not the people saying “Spider-Man’s the next Ironman” no the actual hints and glimpses at how similar him and tony actually are. The hologram gauntlet shot, a straight parallel to Iron Man when Tony is building his first real suit. Obviously “Back in Black” by Led Zeplen (formally known as AC/DC) playing. Another obvious hint toward Tony. The Stark sunglasses. Peter falling with the parachute and it literally looks like Ironman with his jet stream behind him from a distance. There’s so much more I’ll do a whole other post on.

Of course: “I love Led Zeplin!” Hahaha it’s such a kid thing to say! I’ve said it before I knew the big differences between AC/DC and Led Zeplin. It was so freaking perfect.

Peter making his suit and Happy’s face. Bittersweet and I live for the affection he holds for Peter now.

The Netherlands Holding cell...must I say more?

Brad’s downfall and MJs amazing comment about him taking pictures of people in the bathroom. Ep-ic. Even flash was like “bro that’s so weird”

Mr. witchcraft was hilarious and I loved his aside with Brad “I’m gonna be the cool teacher and tell you you can’t do that anymore.”

Flash is definately Gay or Bi and I’m so here for it. That wink he makes to Peter proves it.

All the near death truths in the vault of the tower.

MJ BADDASS COMES SWINGING WITH THE MACE AND IT WAS LEGINDARY OH MY GOD! YES GIRL! She’s my idol I love her so much.

Peter and his “Peter Tingle” And while we’re on the subject the banana he gets to the face while packing.

Important. His amazing skills at the end trusting his instincts (which is great because May says in regards to MJ, but it applies to this too) May tells Peter to trust his instincts and don’t think too much. And that’s what he does when he defeats Beck.

The bad ass “you can’t fool me anymore” after redirecting the gun away from his head at the end. Literally was so intense and well done.

Peter and MJ’s kisses! I loved how awkward it was at first and the slightly less awkward one. They really accurately captured the awkwardness of teenagers in love. Like that’s what it’s like guys.

Show me MJ’s parents you cowards, or show me something. Anything. I just want to know the nature of the situation.

Ned and Betty’s breakup. So funny and honestly not surprising at all. But still I ship them.

The hand hold. So cute.

May and Peter still being the cutest aunt and nephew duo there ever was.

I totally thought Peter was going to end with telling the world he was spiderman....BUT SOME OTHER ASSHOLES DID IT FOR HIM AND MADE HIM INTO A VILLAN AND IM PISSED. LOOKING AT YOU MR JAMESON YOU PEICE OF SHIT.

The movie ended and I have no idea what’s next.

Mid credit of MJ swinging through New York. Home girl doesn’t like and neither do I. Looks full on terrifying we don’t blame you hun.

After credit where the skrulls have been playing Maria and Nick fury for the whole movie. Honestly it made more sense because Nick fury seemed just a bit off. ALSO WHERE IS THE REAL NICK FURY at and I’m so psyched to see where this new movies are gonna go!

Alright that all for now folks!!!! Everything about the movie was great!!! I will have to watch again ad see if anything more pops up. Sorry for any spelling errors I’m on my phone.

#peter parker #marvel #spiderman #mcu #michelle jones #spideychelle #spider-man #spider-man: homecoming #avengers #tony stark #ned leeds #spiderman far from home #spider man: far from home #far from home spoilers #spoilers

[gavillain]

Can you do what you did with the SSM villains for the 90s show villains?

Yeah, sure. Anon is referring to this post.

As with that one, I’m only doing the major villains, and I’m gonna be as concise as possible to fully express my opinions. Still this show had a LOT of villains, so this post is gonna be longer.

The Lizard - Pretty good. As with SSM, I was never wowed or anything by him. I liked how he eventually kind of became a Hulk stand in during Secret Wars. Though he had a few unnecessary appearances, and that Lizard King episode was dreadful.

Kingpin - AMAZING. He’s such an iconic take on the character for good reason. This version of Kingpin alone is one of my twenty favorite villains of all time. He’s just such a great threat, such an interesting character, and so incredibly well voiced. Like I could listen to Roscoe Lee Brown all day. Really a slam dunk for that show.

Alistair Smythe - Just like Kingpin, he was amazing and an iconic villain for the show. They took a character who was… quite frankly awful in the comics and made him into one of the most multi-dimensional and entertaining villains the show ever did. Maxwell Caulfield did such a great job with him.

Doctor Octopus - Still the best animated Doc Ock, in my opinion. Really smart take to make him Peter’s former teacher to give him that strong personal connection to Peter. Also Elfrem Zimbalist Jr. did SUCH a good job with his voice work. He had one or two episodes where he was just a stooge that kind of dragged him down, but for the most part he was great.

Mysterio - Loved him. Greg Berger is still the voice I hear in my head when I read Mysterio in the comics. One of my favorite versions of Mysterio in general. Did NOT like his last episode though. Him sacrificing himself for the love of a woman didn’t ring true to his character and it was so shoddily done. He still entertained me in that ep though.

Scorpion - Not my favorite. Martin Landau was kind of awful as him, so I thought Richard Moll taking over was a breath of fresh air. He had a cool design though, and sometimes they made him actually sympathetic, which had some success.

Kraven the Hunter - I liked the design and the voice actor, but everything else didn’t work for me. He was kind of just a crazy rampaging dude on drugs, and we got that a lot on this show. I would have liked to have seen the sadistic hunter from the comics instead.

Rhino - Hated the design. He looked like a guy in rhino pajamas. He had some legitimately funny moments though. I liked the way they played him for comedy, especially up against the Insidious Six.

Shocker - A badass. This show made Shocker so fucking cool. Jim Cummings gives him a great sinister voice, and he always comes off as the type of guy who can and will kill you. 

Venom - This show has my pick for the best version of the Alien Costume story, even better than the comics. Brock is well established, and the symbiote is done very well. Venom’s debut ep is one of the very best the show ever did. He felt like the most unforgiving and relentless foe in the show. His return in season three though? Not so good.

Hobgoblin - Again, amazing. Mark Hamill gets a lot of credit for his work as the Joker, but you almost never hear him get praise for his work here even though I honestly think he’s just as great as Hobgoblin. He’s so deliciously slimy, always playing both sides against one another.

Chameleon - A pretty interesting and different take on the character. I like that he’s a terrorist assassin here. It create a fun Secret Agent type romp with him that you don’t typically get from his usual “impersonate Spider-Man” plot. Him being the Red Skull’s adopted son was an interesting twist too.

Silvermane - Meh.

Hydro-Man - I’m not especially fond of Hydro-Man in and of himself, but I do appreciate the fact that he was in the show. As MJ’s abusive ex-boyfriend coming back to haunt her, he allowed MJ to get some really good development and I appreciated how creepy he was shown to be. 

Morbius - UGH. AWFUL. Nothing about this guy worked. He was overused, poorly executed, and just a big stain on the entire show. Hated almost all of his episodes, but especially that awful Blade two-parter.

Vulture - My favorite version of Vulture. I thought his youth absorption thing was clever and gave him kind of an interesting side with being an old man trying to reclaim his youth. He was really charismatic and fun to watch too. Also, that scene where he absorbs Spider-Man’s youth - still one of the show’s biggest “OH SHIT!” moments.

Green Goblin - Not a fan of their take on Osborn. However, the Goblin is legitimately excellent. He’s delightfully over the top and sinister. I like how he’s sort of Norman’s fairy godmother swooping in to save him from the people who hurt him. Also, Turning Point is, in my opinion, the best episode of the show and a version of the Night Gwen Stacy Died that’s done better than the iconic comicbook (don’t @ me; that issue is badly dated now). Also Neil Ross turned it out! His voice work was just on another level, and the scenes where he goes from Osborn to the Goblin are SICKENING! So good.

Herbert Landon - Not as good as Smythe, still fun. David Warner is one of those voice actors I could listen to all the time. His initial X-Men appearance was eh to me, and they didn’t carry his mutant bigotry over into his future episodes. But I liked him as Kingpin’s lieutenant. He was fun there.

Tombstone - Solid take on the character. Glad they kept his connection to Robertson at the forefront. Not a villain I was wowed by, but one who, like Hydro-Man, allowed for greatness to come from a supporting cast member.

Carnage - Was not in a good episode, and he suffered from it. They had some good stuff. His sheer evil glee about stealing life forces was just damn unsettling, and I liked that. But he was crammed into a cramped two-parter and never came back so it was a hot mess.

Harry Osborn - Harry wasn't great as the new Goblin, but I think that was kind of the point: to show how inexperienced and how not his father Harry is. Still, I never cared for him as a villain and his actor didn’t help.

Electro - Was not Electro. Though I do kind of like this character. He had the powers of a god and you felt it. He impressed me as a big climactic threat, but I still find myself confused about why they bothered making him Electro in the first place.

Spider-Carnage - A great final boss for the show. I liked how everything came down to Peter having to fight himself, and how empathy won the day rather than fisticuffs. Chris Barnes did great with the evil tormented Spidey, and the whole “I want to destroy all of existence” was a great “go big or go home” note to end on. The final confrontation on the rooftop with Uncle Ben and Spider-Carnage’s suicide was just excellently done. Perfect final villain.

#Spider Man: The Animated Series #Spider Man #Wilson Fisk #Green Goblin #Doctor Octopus #Long Post #really long post #opinion

[shipitup-blog1]

Daydreaming p.ii

I’ll Be Your Sinner (In Secret)

_______________________

This is the part, you've got to say all that you're feeling, feeling

Packing a bag, we're leaving tonight when everyone's sleeping, sleeping

Let's run away

I'll run away with you

'Cause you make me feel like

I could be driving you all night

And I'll find your lips in the street lights

I wanna be there with you..

•

•

•

The seventeen-year-old’s eyes droop the slightest bit as he tries to continue the focus aimed at his homework, listening to Mr. Stark’s soothing voice hum along to ACDC and somehow make the addictive rough beats sound gentle and sweet, unknowingly lulling his sleep-deprived Gen Z self. He cuddles deeper into the leather jacket his mentor had given him earlier, curling into himself and breathing in the home-y scent of hot coffee, despite the obvious fact it only adds to his sleepiness, and makes FRIDAY silently turn up the room’s heaters — bless her digital soul.

“Pete, you still functioning?” Comments Mr. Stark, amused when he turns from prepping their short dinner to find Peter slumping; nearly snoozing on the marble countertop.

He snorts in even more amusement as the younger practically jumps up, looking like a disgruntled puppy and whipping his fluffy head of wet brown curls back and forth. “I’m up, I’m up! Of course, sir!” Ever the fanboy trying to make a good impression, Peter even rips off the leather jacket, hastily folding it and setting it onto the seat beside him. “Do you want me to go home, now? That’s alright, Mr. Stark, I’m sorry for bothering you, I really was just on my way to Ned’s, but I- well, the spidey senses warned me not to jump into the puddle but I wanted to and yeah my common sense isn’t very sense-y, so I jumped and I slipped on the snap of something slippy in it, my clothes got drenched and I probably bothered you and Happy because you drove past, saw me, picked me up even if you didn’t have to, so I’m really thankful for that but now I’m all good and you’re offering dinner and I’m so sorry-“

Tony chuckles, freezing Peter instantly as the beautiful wheeze of breath washes over his whole body, ringing in his ears, heating him more than the leather jacket with inner cotton could ever. The chuckle eventually turns into sniggers, then laughter, until Peter’s beet red pouting at Mr. Stark gasping for air against the fridge, wondering what exactly was so hilarious.

“You,” Tony starts, “are fucking adorable,” he wipes away nonexistent tears of laughter, causing Peter to pout some more and contemplate whether he and Mr. Stark getting closer together was really a good thing or a bad thing.

(It was certainly giving him mental heart attacks, he could tell you that.)

The man turns up the heat for the pot of pasta, crossing what little space was between them to lean on the counter like Peter, but stood up, smiling at him. “You’ve been ranting a lot, these days, got lots on your mind, huh?”

Uh, yeah, I’m gay for you, his bothersome mind snorts unhelpfully. And I’d like it if you were gay for me too, as in, your dick in—

Alright, alright! Peter snaps at himself, I get it, now shut up, man.

“-asking if you’ve got any issues?” Tony questions, smile a little less ‘lol’ and a little more ‘¿¿¿???’ The confused grin has Peter grimancing, trying to come up with a sensible excuse for him loosing sleep.

You could tell him that you’re procrastinating with homework, staying up late to work on it because you watch funny videos on youtube! Brain Voice #2 supplies, he’d understand—

“I sneak out at night to do the do with MJ,” Peter blurts.

ABORT MISSION. ABORT THE FUCKING MISSION.

...Damn, sad to say I saw that coming.

Tony doesn’t hear the internal argument Peter’s having with his selves at the moment, instead smirking at the fact this teenage kid thinks he could out lie Tony with lying to Tony. “Yeah,” he drawls, “kid, pretty sure you’re not fucking Miss Michelle. Especially when you’re still calling sex ‘doing the do’.“

The man cocks his head to the side, eyes glittering. “But you could be material for sneaking out.”

“Huh?” Peter blinks, sipping the last of his coffee hurriedly so that he had nothing to spit out in case Mr. Stark surprised him.

He watches him shake his head, sighing but smiling. “Nevermind, you still do your best to follow May’s curfew, and that’s rare for kids your age, so I shouldn’t be bad influence.”

That rubs Peter the wrong way.

“Mr. Stark,” he rolls his eyes, “you’re hardly bad influence, I bet I’ve done things that would definitely shock you if you knew.”

Tony grunts, stirring the spagetthi sauce for them, eyebrows raised, “wow, sport, lemme guess, you came home a minute past curfew? Badass.”

Peter huffs at the mocking tone, standing to sway his way towards the elder, common sense definitely missing as he seductively trails his fingers up Tony’s exposed tan bicep, gently snuggling into him. Slowly, he whispers, “I could be worse for you, sir, I could.”

Tony growls, gripping Peter’s hips in a bruising hold that has the boy whining softly, niping his ear before the former remembers fuck- he’s just a kid what are you doing?

“I meant going on a short late night road trip, Pete,” he tries to clear the rumbling of his throat, nudging Peter back.

The younger simply grins with youthful rose cheeks and touseled locks, looking all too accomplished by the little stunt he pulled, rocking back n forth on his heels and toes. “That actually sounds really fun, Mr. Stark! We should try that after dinner.”

“...I knew you wouldn’t say no to my awesome cooking,” Tony awkwardly jokes, light atmosphere returning and sweeping away the previous heavy beginnings of ‘Sex Haze’ that totally screwed the inappropriate thoughts of his mentee he’d tried burrying ages ago.

[~]

“I don’t think I can take anymore pop,” Peter hiccups as he chugs down another can of cream soda, giggling with his head propped nearly out of the open shotgun window. His fluffy hair whips around in the wind, brushing his face and simply causing Tony to appreciate the adorable beau beside him. The man speeds up, on the empty, no-cameras highway, winking at Peter. “Time to be cliché, go ahead.”

Carly Rae Jepsen’s Runaway is bursting into the night air and Peter’s eardrums, especially because everything’s cranked to eleven, but the boy unbuckles his seatbelt and throws away the can at some rando tree, drunk on sugar, since everything needs to be cranked to twelve, now.

“I’m a fucking adult!” He whoops, hands on the glass of the topless car, standing dangerously on his sock-covered toes at the edge of his leather seat. There’s a few answering crows that have good enough timing that make him giggle deliriously, Tony laughing along because this was incredibly awesome. Really, how did he not come up with this before? The wind rushes past his ears, blushing his cheeks and cooling the previous resting heat in him.

He looks at Tony, who’s already staring back, grinning, and blows him a kiss which he takes in hand and presses to his cheek.

(Maybe Tony didn’t want nothing sexual yet, but Peter’d be damned if he didn’t try his chick-flick-flirting.)

“Let’s run away,” the older starts lowly, tilting his head back to focus on Peter’s dazzling smile.

“I’ll run away, with you,” Peter sings aloud, throwing his hands into the air repeatedly.

Baby, take me to the ceiling

I’ll be your sinner in secret

When the lights go out

Run away with me, run away with me!

The seveteen-year-old can’t stop the adrenaline rush in his veins and the pure joy; pure sappy love in his head, thanking everything and everyone he’s fallen for Tony Stark, because the man, try as he does to deny and hide it, has fallen for him too.

That’s magic, if Peter would ever admit.

Not too surprising though; every moment he spent with Tony was magic.

This your chance, Peter, a voice eerily close to Karen’s echoes to him alone, kiss him.

He studies Tony’s sharp brown hair, saliva-wet lips, handsome goatee and strong form. He stares thoughtfully at those comfy arms that held him steadily when needed, at the hands that could put him to bed with one simple brush, and dopily sighs, a little too whipped for a spider-mixed-teen.

Yeah.

He’s thanking Tony correctly.

Sat down and silent, Peter leans onto Tony’s shoulder, ignoring how he tenses, lowering the radio’s volume. “Thanks for this, Mr. Stark, it’s helped me blow off a bit of steam from the whole MIT and superhero-ing stress.” He sees the clenched muscles of Tony’s arm relax, and runs his palm over them, just to enjoy the sight of those hard ridges stiffening.

“No problem,” Tony answers quietly, probably over thinking the situation like he always did, questioning Peter’s actions for hormones instead of actual crushing-flirting-trying.

“Can I ask for something, right now?” He breathes softly, enraptured by the moonlight on Tony’s face, petting the soft bristles near his cheek and on his chin.

“More cream soda?” His soon-to-be boyfriend jokes, and Peter can’t stop the high giggle that escapes him, because this nervous 48-year-old acted so close to his age it was honestly endearing. “No,” he sits up, wondering if fate put on Carly Rae’s song on purpose, cupping Tony’s face. “Kiss me, please.”

The car stops.

Peter’s heart stops in anticipation.

Tony shakily exhales, closing his eyes, but not pulling away Peter’s lax hands. “Pete-“

“Hold onto me,” he pleads in tune to the song, pressing their foreheads together. Tony told him it was time to be cliché, and he was gonna be as cliché as he could be, right now. “I never wanna let you go,” the whispered truth pulls Tony’s arms to wrap around him, and Peter’s heart speeds again. He almost sobs in relief, that his fella doesn’t casually reject him as usual. For some reason, spidey senses were telling him this was the last chance he had to confess.

The man’s thumb brushes his exposed hipbone gently, breath smelling of coffee and mint in an oddly addictive mix, over taking all of Peter in a way that was so Tony he wanted it candled and burning in his room forever.

“You have to be sure you want this,” Tony mumbles, croaky with something just as pleading as the former, “I don’t know what I’d do if you pull away- Peter, fuck, this is so fucked up.. I’m ruining your life-“

“Ruin me,” Peter laughs, light and floaty, “you ruin me instead, I love it, I love you.”

The kiss that follows is so innocent Peter wants to giggle and cry at the same time, brief and gentle but so, so worth every painful awkward moment between them. It has him shuddering and begging internally for more, yet he just beams at the moment, the first peaks of sunlight poking at his closed lids, Tony’s laughter stuck on replay.

“I love you shouldn’t be said before the first date, kiddo,” he chuckles, sounding high as well, almost glowing. “I think we did this whole thing backwards.”

Peter snorts, pecking him shortly on the cheek, cuddling him like he’s always wanted to, “not really, it’s not completely backwards until you fuck me before we get to the first date.”

“You little shit,” Tony chokes, flicking his ear, only earning a playful kiss to his finger.

It’s the happiest Peter’s felt himself be in weeks, and that’s amazing; Tony’s amazing.

(What he doesn’t know is that this wouldn’t just be the first, but also the last time he’d get to run away from the world with Tony.)

•

•

•

(With their packed schedules, and brief meetings, Peter doesn’t get to drive freely with his lover even once after their sole time, and the last time he sees the savior of his childhood — his Tony — is on an alien planet, when the world turns to gold.

“I’m sorry, I love you,” he wanted to sob.

“I’m sorry,” is all he gets to say.)

_______________________

:)

#starker #tony stark x peter parker #starker fanfiction #tony x peter #daydreaming p.2 #oH SHIT #I made it kinda sad whoopsie #I swear I didn’t plan this #I just got infinity war feelz again :)))))) #kill me #my hand slipped here’s another crappy starker drabble #starker drabble #starker tiny oneshot #lololololololol #what can I say the song came on and inspiration hit me like bird shit #and that’s hard to get off so #(plzdon’taskhowiknow-)

[softboyholland]

Ok ok I need ABSOLUTELY NEED a petermj celebrity au with t*mdaya teas pls

ok ok headcanon time binches

ok so i decided to go with supermodel!mj and regular ol’ peter parker

except everyone knows that he’s spider-man now

he did the whole reveal a year ago (it was very iron-man like)

and now he stays at the avengers mansion with the rest of the avengers

ok so peter makes a friend in wanda

because she’s young too and she was ROBBED of her childhood and basic societial skills and pop culture because of her powers

so when peter gets over his fear of her, he makes it his personal mission to help her experience being a teenager

(even though they’re all in their early 20s here)

ok so wanda gets a little invested in fashion and makeup

peter knows nothing about that BECAUSE HE’S A NERD

so he begs tony to get him and wanda two seats to a fashion show

of course everyone knows that they’re scarlet witch and spider-man so they’re honored to have two heros present at their fashion show

so they’re at a chanel fashion show in paris and PETER IS BORED OUT OF HIS MIND

he tries to look interested for wanda but i mean sure the clothes look cool??? but what else is he supposed to do??

he’s just very awkward

and everyone seems to know each other and wanda feels a little out of place AND IT’S NOT LIKE HE KNOWS WHO THESE HIGH FASHION PEOPLE ARE

so he can’t exactly introduce them to wanda

but because this fashion show isn’t like any other, they all have tables and they have dinner and everything

the girl next to wanda whom he’s pretty sure has been watching the two of them for the past 10 minutes with the same bored expression on her face sighs overdramatically and turns to wanda

“i’m michelle jones. are you wanda maximoff?”

wanda nods nervously and peter pretends like he isn’t listening in on the conversation

“i love your lipstick. you’re really pulling off the color, especially with that skirt.”

and then michelle is introducing wanda to her stylist and her stylist is complimenting wanda’s outfit and wanda seems genuinely happy it’s so heartwarming to watch.

so michelle hits it off with wanda and peter isn’t as bored anymore because at least wanda’s happy now

when they finally leave the fashion show, peter asks wanda if she had a good time and wanda thanks him

but then she shoots peter a text which is just a number sequence

peter’s like, “are these the codes for some sort of launch?”

and wanda laughs, “that’s michelle’s phone number.”

PETER GETS DEFENSIVE BECAUSE HE DOESN’T NEED HER PHONE NUMBERNO-

and wanda’s all like chill, “she offered to take me shopping tomorrow so you know where to find me, in case you can’t get me.”

peter’s all red now and then wanda jokes, “it could totally mean something else if you want.”

peter groans and ignores her teasing.

it’s really nothing, peter really does not have a crush on mj. he really doesn’t. no like i’m serious you guys.

he only starts like REALLY NOTICING HER when he walks into wanda’s hotel room like after 2 days of minding his own business and working on web formulas

she’s laying on wanda’s bed and they both have facemasks on and bathrobes on and michelle is asking wanda all about being an avenger and “is black widow really THAT badass? i bet she is. i can’t believe you get to see her almost everyday.”

it’s really cute actually

not MICHELLE NO SHE’S NOT CUTE

wanda having a friend is real cute

and then she stops talking when peter walks in and wanda’s like, “hey! i haven’t seen you in days!”

michelle is unusually quiet throughout the whole thing

finally she gets a call

AND THIS MIGHT BE THE SECOND TIME HE REALLY NOTICES HER

because she removes her bathrobe and lets her hair down from it’s messy bun and she’s tugging on her heels and she’s slipping on a trenchcoat over her gymwear???

and she does everything in under a minute and it all happens in slow motion for peter (like in those rom-coms he makes fun of wanda for watching)

she hugs wanda goodbye and tells her that she’ll see her soon and wishes both of them a safe flight

she goes to hug peter but peter goes to shake her hand (HOMEBOY IS STILL A LITTLE STARSTRUCK OK) and they hug all awkwardly and he can literally see michelle cringing for a split second before she leaves

walking LIKE A FUCKING MODEL

SHE’S LITERALLY ONLY JUST IN A HOTEL AND SHE’S WALKING AWAY LIKE A DAMN MODEL

peter feels like, and probably looks like the heart eye emoji

wanda smirks at him and he shrugs it off

there’s some sort of commotion downstairs and there’s literally a whole crowd because of her, “jesus, how famous is she?”

“she’s a supermodel, peter.”

“WHAT?”

“she’s a supermodel, an activist, a fashion and feminist icon…” wanda drawls out, watching peter from the corner of her eye.

he looks like he’s about to short-circuit.

when wanda teases him, he claims that he was just shocked he’s never heard of her before.

sure, jan

when they’re back in new york, mj invites wanda over to visit her on the set of her photoshoot

OF COURSE, WANDA BRINGS PETER BECAUSE SEEING HIM GET FLUSTERED/SHOOK OVER MJ’S MODELLING SKILLS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER

ofc she doesn’t tell him that they’re going to visit mj

and then, bam!

and her shoot is literally by the poolside right

so peter thinks, oh wow we’re just going to a fancy hotel with a pool and a really nice view

AND THEN BAM! SHE’S IN THE WATER

AND SHE’S POSING FOR THE CAMERA

AND WANDA LITERALLY GRIPS ONTO PETER’S ARM TO KEEP HIM FROM FALLING

literally, of course

i mean can u imagine

so we’ve been focusing on peter

but LET’S TALK ABOUT MICHELLE

SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT PETER BECAUSE HE’S ALL WANDA EVER TALKS ABOUT

and okayyyyyyy so she did initially think that he was a little cute because he kept on looking around at everyone in the fashion show like a lost, confused, puppy

it was quite hard for her to believe that HE was spider-man

and then she befriends wanda and wanda tells her all about how peter wants her to experience a normal life and he’s the one who got her the tickets to the show and

NOW MICHELLE FINDS OUT THAT HE’S NOT AN ASSHOLE???? THIS IS NOT GOOD.

and so what if she got caught off guard the other day when he walked into wanda’s room, his lab goggles resting on the top of his head, messy brown curls and all

SO HE WAS CUTE OK

FINE HE WAS CUTE

and then now!! wanda brings him to her photoshoot

which she’s totally cool with yep no big deal but now she has the need to look 100x cooler than she already does

IT IS NOT A CRUSH OK

and her photographer is hyping her up

and he’s wearing a very thin, white tee that shows off his muscles and for the first time since she’s met him, she’s like, “hot damn.”

then she’s biting her lip and not-so-subtly ogling him

wanda smirks at her and she looks away

BUT THEN PETER IS JUST.STARING.

HE’S NOT EVEN PANICKY ANYMORE

HE’S JUST. DROOLING.

wanda snaps it

the avengers tease him for days

after the internet does it’s thing and everyone is like ‘get u a man that looks at you the way spider-man looks at something in the far off distance’

and wanda invites michelle to the mansion one day

and mj totally freaks out when she sees black widow AND t’challa

HOLY SHIT

peter’s sparring with natasha when wanda introduces them

AND GOD, IT’S SO CUTE WATCHING HER FREAK OUT OVER SOMETHING

because she usually looks so cool, and calm, and collected

and maybe he does get a teeny bit jealous when mj gushes over black panther being the coolest superhero ever

so from then on, she spends a lot of time w wanda in the common room

AND BOY, IF PETER WASN’T ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS ALL DOLLED UP,,,,Y’ALL KNOW HE’S A FUCKING GONER WHEN HE SEES HER LAUGHING AT WANDA’S COMMENTARY OF A HORRIBLE ROM-COM, with a bare face, in nothing but sweats and a tee

she’s throwing popcorn at wanda and she’s laughing– his heart flutters

ok so NOW HE ADMITS

he may have a thing for her

but she does befriend peter eventually,

after he stops being weird about his crush on her, he does realise that he’s going to have to hangout with her if he wants to hangout with wanda

and then he finds out that she’s really, really funny

like she makes you clutch your stomach because you’re laughing from too much pain kind of funny

and that makes him fall even harder

so they become close too right

and he snapchats ALMOST EVERY INTERACTION WITH HER

she doesn’t have snapchat

so ppl inevitably start shipping them together

because if you add peter on snapchat

sometimes it’s just 4 second videos of michelle laughing uncontrollably

LIKE WITHOUT CONTEXT

thats his whoLE DAMN STORY

then whenever he goes shopping with her and she gets irritated at his fashion choices

you’ll see peter zooming in on michelle with her arms crossed and rolling her eyes at him from the opposite side of the room

IT’S HILARIOUS

BUT THEY ACT LIKE ACTUAL BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND

fans always see them out together

and peter’s always posting shit about her

also, he visits her shoots regularly

unless he’s gtg save the world he’s usually snapchatting michelle going from hot to a dork in 0.5 seconds from behind the camera

and peter totally takes candid photos of her that fill his instagram

at this point, falcon and bucky take to teasing him about his ‘girlfriend’ all the time

IT ALWAYS MAKES HIM GO RED

sometimes they always have little impromptu photoshoots

(if y’all follow cole sprouse, you know he has little impromptu photoshoots with his girlfriend aka lili reinhart all the time and THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THESE DORKS DO)

OOH AND I CAN’T FORGET THEY TOTALLY SHARE CLOTHES ALL THE TIME

like michelle will show up to a shoot wearing a flannel that’s a little too loose on her shoulders, and is way too big for her tiny arm AND EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS WHO IT BELONGS TOO BUT

no one says anything cuz she always gets so damn defensive over it

and PETER TOTALLY STEALS HER HIGH FASHION SHIT

he IS an avenger

that means, attending tony stark’s parties

and michelle always styles him and occasionally lets him borrow her stuff

they never return to her

THEY HAVE THE SAME SIZE FEET

PETER STEALS HER COMFY SHOES ALL THE TIME

IT’S REALLY CUTE BECAUSE HE WEARS IT EVERYWHERE. WITH ANYTHING.

IT’S FUNNY AND DISAPPOINTING

so at this point, everyone literally thinks they’re dating

BUT THE THING IS THAT THEY’RE NOT

because like in every spideychelle fic ever, they’re always too oblivious of their feelings for each other

then one day, they’re literally mobbed by paparazzi

the poor children are literally just watching some nerdy movie that peter wanted to watch together

and everyone’s asking them if they’re dating

WHICH THEY ARE NOT!!!!! SO THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE THINKS THEY’RE TOGETHER

its fuckin weird

(lmao no its not)

they keep getting followed by paparazzi

so much so that all the snaps stop

and NOW THERE’S LITERALLY NO TRACE OF THEM HANGING OUT TOGETHER

almost everyone on social media thinks that they’ve broken up

so they meet up in secret

like they literally only hang out at night

she’s either at the compound

or he’s at her penthouse

that’s literally the only way they get to hang out w each other

but because they’re an ass backwards couple,

as the whole internet, thinks that they’re broken up

they kiss one night

and tHEN THEY START DATING

(it happens because peter’s staring at her and she throws a pillow at him and tells him to stop but he doesn’t stop and then they’re kissing)

SO NOW AS EVERYONE THINKS THEY’RE BROKEN UP, THEY’RE OFFICIALLY DATING

so everything is lowkey

and ppl still think they’re broken up

but one day

there’s a paparazzi photo of mj leaving some event

and then fans realise that her lockscreen looks very suspicious

so after zooming,

they realise that it’s literally just a photo of her pet cat and some guy

if only they had better pic quality

but that’s not even what gives them away

what really gives them away is when peter parker who NEVER uses his twitter account accidentally posts a photo of MJ

you can only see half of peter’s face but like ANYONE CAN TELL IT’S HIM

ok and on peter’s chest is a sleeping mj, and you can very clearly see the smirk on peter’s face

IT’S THE CUTEST PHOTO EVER

but by the time he deletes, there are already 2 screenshots and they’re circulating stan twitter ALREADY

when mj finds out about this, she really almost rolls her eyes so hard that they fall out

but it was bound to happen anyway

so tony is forced to increase security around them

but they become everyone’s relationship goals

it’s great

hope u liked it!

#spideychelle #spideychelle fanfiction #spideychelle fic #spideychelle headcanon #peter x michelle #peter and michelle' #petermj #spider-man: homecoming #Peter Parker #Michelle jones

[rainforest-zoo-dairies]

Hi, I’m MJ and I’m A Spiritual Ping Pong Ball

Well, I warned y’all.

From day to day, shit changes. And today is a much more positive post than yesterday.

After I pressed ‘post’, my day absolutely spiraled to shit.

We had issues with the truck, my dad was being weird, H got stuck pulling about 10 times the weight he should have. It was just a wreck.

I felt helpless because the truck needed repairs and financially, I knew it would be a ton. (Lady is a 14 year old boss hoss with 160,000 miles on her. She’s due for a pampering, I’ll admit... but now?)

H was struggling because basically everyone needed him for one thing or another... and I was struggling because I wasn’t needed for a damn thing.

I went to my parents’ house and the meltdown began.

I cried to my mama about how I was so over feeling small and unwanted. I basically reverted into childhood again and it alllllll came out. Like the badass mama bear she is, she lifted me up and told me that I just need to be patient and trust because I am a great person who deserves great things in life.

Awwww shucks, mama. You always know exactly what to say.

So, we got home and I went to my little meditation corner.... hell-bent on figuring out why now? Why all these wild, irrational thoughts?

And I cried... and cried... and cried.. and cried....

My inner child was so so so distraught... and my ego was ganging up on her... and I had given in and was joining the fight with my ego instead of standing tall with my inner child.

To go back in time a bit, my g-ma had sent me a pretty awful letter about a month ago. I’ve been working on replying to it since the day I got it.... but very half-assedly. I was putting it off because there was lots of facts and feelings I had to lay out in that letter that my inner child did not want to admit.

So, I tasked myself Monday with finally getting it done. Pressing ‘send’ and wiping my hands clean. But then my mom said that I should edit it down to be shorter and more concise..... the way it was written would cause WW3 in our family.

Well, let me start by saying that when it comes to my g-ma, I create and live in WW3 just by existing.

I am the black sheep. The ‘weirdo’ in the family. The emotional one, the ‘different’ one. I am basically the only one who doesn't jump when she says to.

So, even if I sent her a letter that said “You’re right. I’m a fuck up. I’ll be exactly how you want me to” she would still find fault in me.

Writing that letter drudged up a bunch of stuff from childhood that I had forgotten.

So, Monday I was down and out. Just sad.

Tuesday, I was starting to feel a bit angry. How could someone who supposedly ‘loved’ me damage me so bad?

By Wednesday, I was frustrated and in a true funk.

She treated me a certain way, I learned from it and treated myself that same way. Now that I see it, I want to heal it and move forward as a new person, but how?

In her eyes, I’m a real POS. Not worthy of anything. Not smart. Not talented. Not kind. Not hard working. I’m just a turd.

So, I had been treating myself like the turd she told me I was.

And in life, I was receiving the types of things that turds deserve.

Financial hardships, friends who stabbed me in the back, bosses who treated me like shit.

Damn shame it took 30 years for me to figure out that I was being treated like shit by others because I was treating myself like shit!

My inner child kept saying “I deserve this. I deserve the pain. I deserve the sadness. I deserve to be punished for being a POS.”

My ego said “Yep! You’re right, kiddo! Don’t you dare treat yourself like the true Queen that you are! Go sit in the corner and wait for the punishments to keep coming. Wait for everything to collapse. That’s what you deserve.”

During meditation, I let myself grieve. Grieve for the old way of life that is gone. Pre-pandemic life when things were ‘normal’. Grieve for the way of life I lived because my inner child felt unworthy. Grieve for the guilt I had carried and the shame I felt every single day.

Since my spiritual awakening, I have changed myself from who I was in so many ways I can’t even begin to count.

I am seriously not at all like the ‘old me’.

I think my ego misses that old me. Old me played it safe. Played life small. Stayed within bounds and didn’t let any grandiose ideas of life enter her mind.

My ego doesn't know how to handle the new me.

Positive, powerful, free, upbeat, happy, joyful and whole.

It has taken a lot of time to un-program and re-program my physical brain. It was wired for destruction, illness, sadness, depression, worry, fear and self-deprecation.

I guess I assumed that my ego and inner child had plenty of time to adjust to the new me.

But I assumed and made an ass out of me and me....

So, for the 459th day, I start anew.

Free from the chains of yesterday when I felt small and worried and frustrated.

I step into my own power and experience my freedom with true bliss.

I allow beautiful, abundant blessings to flow my way because I am not holding back anymore!

Today marks a new chapter. One I have never been in before. Because this time I am showing myself more compassion and understanding than I have before.

So.... let’s see how this chapter is. It will surely be a whole heckuva lot different than the last!

Also, as part of that new chapter, I got an interview tomorrow at a place I’ve wanted to work for a hot minute. Not exactly the huge breakthrough blessing I had been hoping for, but if I allow the blessings to trickle, maybe they’ll break the dam and I’ll experience the flood of blessings. Regardless, I am grateful for the opportunity. Things are looking up.

OH! And it’s not like anyone reads this, but I want to document it as part of my journal.

2pm ET today is the Global Mayday Meditation. Please participate if you are able to. I am going to focus on World Peace, healing and one-ness.

Can’t wait to see what this does to the Schumann Resonance!

#mayday #globalmeditation spiritualawakening spiritualjournal