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fbfh · 1 year

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rocks at your window pt. 8 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: this series contains smut and chapter by chapter warnings, so as with all nsfw works, ricky is aged up to 18+!! ricky and reader are 18 and in their senior year

additionally, we're working towards a ricky x therapy plot so he's going to start expressing some symptoms of mental illness and bpd but he does get therapy eventually and has a good support system but he gets worse before he gets better yk. Obviously I'm not a professional and this is for entertainment so while I have done my research pls take this with a grain of salt!! or several!! /lh

!! contains some spoilers for season 1 of hsmtmts, and previous chapters of this fic !!

wc: 3k

genre: fluff, slice of life

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab she/her) reader

warnings: making out, more fake texts (please politely ignore that it's facebook messanger it's the only fake text app I could find that's actually functional), nina tries hoovering, nina is generally a messy bitch, kourtney is a good friend, ricky is a sappy down bad bitch

summary: you and Ricky spend the night before opening having a classic sleepover at your place. Ricky falls even harder for you. Nini follows a hunch.

song recs: when you're home - in the heights, better left unsaid - ariana grande, research me obsessively - crazy ex girlfriend soundtrack/brittany snow, home is in your eyes - greyson chance

a/n: I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINISH THIS CHAPTER I LISTENED TO THE WIZARD AND I FOR HOURS CAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY SONG THAT COULD MATCH MY TRIUMPHANT ENERGY. as always thank you to cici for beta reading next part posted at 10 good reviows prepz fuk off xxx666xxx. been reading more my immortal if you couldn't tell. I, like profesor trevolry, am too adikted 2 volxemortserum.

tags @yesv01 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @pikzel @demirunner @brinaslittlefreak @girlfriendwhoseawitch @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa @n-slayaaaaa @stormi-ames @brinaslittlefreak @rainforest-daisies @sunshineangel-reads

Sleepovers at your place are something that’s become a staple in Ricky’s life, and he doesn’t think he’s ever needed one more than tonight. It’s the one night the whole cast has off before opening night, so of course you’re going to spend it together. Tech week was one of the most intense things Ricky has ever experienced. It was one week straight spent at the El Rey, doing homework in between scenes, getting used to costumes, sets, lights, and props, and more importantly, getting used to all of it together. The first full run through felt surreal. If the last few rehearsals had been that exhausting and amazing and exciting, he can’t imagine how great opening night will be.

So what better way to decompress from a week straight of late nights and re-running the same numbers and scenes and working out the kinks, than being where he is right now. Ricky sits on your bed across from you while you sort through the snacks you’d picked up. There’s a comfortable, cozy energy between you, like there usually is. This is exactly what you both need, he thinks. A relaxing, fun night together before you gear up for show time. You’re trying to contain your excitement, but he can see it simmering, growing stronger in the back of your mind.

The door opens and your mom enters, holding the last few DVDs of shows you’ve been in.

“Took me a little while to find them, but here’s Matilda - regular, and the stripped down version - and Fun Home.” She smiles, beaming the way she does whenever she talks about you performing.

“Thanks mom,” you smile at how excited she and Ricky are about your shows. Ricky looks at the titles in her sharpie handwriting on the plastic cases, excitement fluttering through him at getting to see more of you performing. It might be corny to say, but you’re definitely his favorite actor.

“Which ones have you seen so far?” she asks, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorway, happy to have someone to brag about you with and talk about your shows. Ricky lists off all the musicals you’ve watched together over the last few days.

“...And we just finished Tuck Everlasting.”

“That one’s my favorite!” she gasps, beaming, and Ricky agrees. He can see why; you brought the role of Winnie Foster to life, and he can’t believe it had such a short run. She’s about to leave, when she remembers the paperwork she dropped off at city hall earlier.

“Oh, by the way,” she starts, “I heard back from Mitch in permits and zoning, and all the paperwork was expedited. Everything you need to perform at the El Rey has been approved, and you got a green light for opening night!” You and Ricky start yelling and freaking out - exactly what she expected - and you jump off your bed to squeeze her in a tight hug.

“Thank you!” you cheer, and Ricky echos.

“Of course!” she smiles.

“That’s amazing!” Ricky beams, “My dad said it might not be ready in time.”

“Well,” she continues, “I may have pulled a few strings to get it expedited…”

She barely gets the sentence out before you’re loudly thanking her again.

“Okay, okay,” she says, calming down your cheers and heading for the door with a smile “have fun you guys.”

She closes the door, and you’re alone again. He takes in a breath, embracing this moment, here in your room with you. He looks at your decorations, the snowglobe on your bookshelf, the posters on the wall and polaroids taped to your mirror. The jacket you had been wearing earlier is now tossed on the back of your desk chair, and your backpack is still where you’d dropped it earlier when you got home.

He’s overwhelmed with that big warm feeling in his chest he gets whenever he’s around you. He loves your room, loves sleepovers with you, loves… he chokes down the thought. He can feel the urge to spill his guts, to bear his soul, but he shoves it down. As easy as it would be to pull you close and kiss the breath out of your lungs and tell you everything he’s ever felt for you, he knows the timing isn’t right. He fights temptation, helping you unbag the rest of the snacks you got to distract himself from the unspoken words he’s barely holding back. You hand him the stack of DVDs and your fingers brush. His heart jumps at the contact.

"Here," you say, "pick one out." You smile with that easygoing energy that's become so familiar to him. Sleepovers have been a pretty regular occurrence for a while now, and they still fill him with a warm, bubbling excitement. He decides which one he wants to watch first, and you slide the disc into your laptop.

“Oh wow,” he starts laughing at the grainy camera quality, “Matilda caught in 4k.”

“Shut up,” you laugh, nudging him playfully, “this was from, like, 10 years ago.”

At first it was hard to look past the sketchy camera quality and low volume of the bootlegs - or slime tutorials as you jokingly called them - but now he’s learned to see past it. He latches on quickly to your singing, feeling himself get sucked into the story right away. He’s seen another version of you performing as Matilda, but this one is the infamous stripped down one. Even though he knows the reasons behind the drastic set change, the critics were right - it does add something to the way the story is told. He realizes that even though they’ve kind of been flying by the seat of their pants to make it to opening night, it will still turn out okay.

After watching Matilda, you practice your stage makeup, and have Ricky help you pick out the perfect shade of Sharpay pink nail polish. You had put on High School Musical - it was practically obligatory - and you made it about 15 minutes into the sequel before you were in Ricky’s lap. His lips are all over you, pressing into yours, your neck, your cheek. He squeezes your waist, arms snaking around to pull you closer to him. He bites your lip playfully, getting you to gasp a little, and pushes his tongue into your mouth. Your hands are on his face, in his hair, and he can’t get enough of your touch. He lets out a soft moan into your mouth, angling his head to deepen the kiss.

Your phone buzzes as he pulls away, kissing down your neck. He runs his tongue over your skin, biting, and making you giggle. You get so flustered when he kisses you like this, and he absolutely loves watching you get more worked up for him. You glance down, seeing the notification from the pizza place you ordered from on your phone.

“Ricky,” you start, and he hums in response, biting your neck again, “Ricky, the-”

You’re cut off by a knock at the door. He pulls away reluctantly, and you take in each other’s disheveled states.

“Pizza guy.” you finish, getting off his lap to go down stairs. He sighs, staring at the doorway you just disappeared through. He’s still full of that frenetic energy he gets when you touch him. You look so sweet when you’re blushing and giggling for him, he wants to make you even more flustered like that. His phone buzzes with a text from Nini. He’s still getting used to seeing her contact without the hearts that always used to be around it.

Before he can finish typing out a response, you reenter the room holding up pizza and breadsticks triumphantly. He smiles and sets his phone face down. He wants to be here with you, eating pizza and watching sitcoms, trying not to get too nervous and excited about how close opening night is. The only drama he wants to think about right now is the onstage kind.

Nina sits on her bed, homework forgotten as she rants to Kourtney over facetime. Ricky left her on read. Again. He never used to do that, not until he started hanging around you. Kourtney’s been listening to her talk about you to death for at least an hour, and she’s out of ways to respond.

“I am so done talking about this.” Nini laughs, shaking her head.

“Good, cause-”

“It’s just, like,” she continues, and Kourtney thinks she should have known where that was going. It was at least the third time Nini declared she was done with the topic at hand. Nini continues, “do you think hanging out a couple times gives you the right to be so possessive over someone?”

In the time they’ve been facetiming she’s cleaned her room, picked out her clothes for tomorrow, and finished her homework. She’s half way through her skincare routine, and secretly hoping this will wrap up soon so she can get some rest for tomorrow.

“Like, last summer Ricky went on dates with a few girls - not just hanging out - and by the start of school he only wanted to be with me. So, really she’s just making herself look desperate. It’s just sad that he’s going to dump her soon and come back to me like he always does, and she’ll have no idea it’s coming. Like, that’s going to be really embarrassing for her, right?” the faux sympathy in her voice turns into a chuckle.

Kourtney’s brow furrows. In spite of how sick she is of hearing about this, she can’t shake the feeling that you and Ricky are obviously closer than two people who have just hung out a few times. She’s seen the way you look at each other, the way you talk to each other. People who feel platonically about each other don’t do that.

“Uh, Neen, what exactly did she say?” she tries to sound casual so Nini doesn’t get suspicious, but she’s so wrapped up in her train of thought, she doesn’t notice the I have a hunch about something look Kourtney always gets when she suspects something is up.

“She was like, uh,” she begins in an exaggerated impression of you, “we like, totally hooked up a couple times, but we haven’t made anything official, but that still means he only likes me. Also you dumped him, so… like, you have no right to be in his life anymore, and he basically hates you now.”

Kourtney squints. Through Nini’s very biased recount of the exchange you had, if any of that was verbatim, if you really did tell her you hooked up with Ricky… what kind of hooking up did you mean? Nini seems to think it’s the casual meeting up kind - let’s all hook up at denny’s after the show - but Kourtney isn’t so sure. It’s none of her business, it’s really none of her business. Plus, pointing this out to Nini would just make her even more obsessed and freaked out than she is. She needs to move on from Ricky, and the last thing Kourtney wants to do is make that harder for her. She and Ricky aren’t together, and she’s certainly not going to be the one to enable any prying or backsliding, intentional or not. Instead, she redirects.

“Uh… I don’t think she can cut you out of his life for him.”

“Right?!” Nini exclaims, glad someone agrees with her. “Like, we’ve known each other since kindergarten. I’ve known him longer than anyone. You can’t get that close to someone that fast.” She sighs. “Also… there’s something about her that’s been bothering me…” Kourtney scoffs.

“What about her doesn’t bother you?”

“No, no,” Nini laughs, thinking back, “it was something Gina said…” it's been itching in the back of her mind for a while, and she can't ignore it any longer. She has to finally figure this out. She shakes her head, knowing she shouldn't keep Kourtney up any longer. "It's probably nothing. Whatever, I'll see you tomorrow night, Kourt."

"Okay. Night, Nini."

Finally, she hangs up. She should go to sleep. She has a big day tomorrow - it's opening night for god's sake - she should go to bed. Instead she opens her laptop, typing 'broadway matilda basement flood' into the search bar. She clicks on one article, then another. Eventually she finds a picture of three girls in matching Matilda costumes and is hit hard by nostalgia. She was obsessed with Matilda when she was a kid, always begging her moms to take her to New York so she can audition and be a Matilda on Broadway, be part of the friend group of other girls her age acting on Broadway together. The girl on the right was always her favorite, and she used to watch the backstage videos she was in for broadway.com vlogs all the time. She completely forgot about her Matilda phase, how obsessed she was with those girls.

She looks at the caption of the photo, caught off guard by her favorite's name. It’s the same as yours. But that can't be you, right? The last names are different. And her parents are divorced. She remembers when you mentioned it at rehearsal once. She opens another tab, continuing to search for an answer. Hours pass and she's deep into the Google rabbit hole. Hours pass, and she confirms it’s you. You played Matilda on frigging Broadway. After extensive research, she pieces together that you and your mom both had you last names changed to her maiden name, presumably after the divorce, and it doesn't look like you've acted professionally since. She opens the same tabs on her phone to look at later. She shuts her laptop and flops back into her pillows. She stares at the ceiling in disbelief that you've somehow managed to keep a secret this massive from everyone.

After eating a majority of the pizza and breadsticks, drinking several cups of tea, and watching some more Netflix, you and Ricky are finally ready for bed and curl up under the covers with each other. You're lying up next to his chest, your body heat minglinf together, and he doesn't think he's ever felt more at peace. Your hand is warm through his shirt, and he keeps pressing kisses across your face just to hear your sweet giggle. You smile at him, blinking sleepily, and when he looks into your eyes he feels it. He's home. He gazes at your face, enamored, never wanting to look away. You look so pretty like this, curled up next to him and half asleep. He's learned to tell when he's going to sleep really well and it's always on nights like this. He never knew how badly he needed to feel his breath sync up with yours, feel your hearts beating in time. He can't imagine being more content than he is right here, with you. Even the air in your room smells sweet to him, just because you're here so often.

He thinks back, running through the whole night again, returning again and again to being right here with you. Every moment with you is amazing. You have this way of transforming the mundane into something special. He’s still in disbelief that he’s the one who gets to lay next to you at the end of the day, he's the one you have whispered conversations with when you're both stupid tired. He gets to be the one to make you giggle and smile over nothing. He remembers a tweet he saw a while ago that said 'You're in her dms, I'm dancing in the kitchen with her while the bread we made bakes. We're not the same.' You might not be in the kitchen right now, but he really understands the sentiment right now. You're cuddled into his chest, melting into his touch, blushing and hiding your face when he looks at you too long like that. It’s him, not some other guy. He doesn't think other guys could be as devoted to you as he is, they couldn't love you the way he can, the way you deserve to be loved.

He's really glad you're with him and not with some fuckboy who would just want you for your body and break your heart. The idea that anyone could even think about doing that to you, even some hypothetical fuckboy, makes him sick. You're so sweet, so easy to love. He doesn't know how everyone you've met hasn't fallen in love with you, how every guy isn't throwing themselves at you. A twinge of jealousy passes through him at the thought. He brushes the thought aside, reminding himself that you're here with him. As if proving his point, you set aside your favorites squishmallow to cuddle him closer and his heart feels like it's going to burst. Girls don't do that if they don't really… really like someone, right?

You settle against him and let out a big sigh. He's had enough sleepovers with you to know that means you're about to be out like a light. He is too, and he fights off his heavy eyelids long enough to get one more good look at you before they close. He smiles as he starts to drift off. This is his favorite part, getting to fall asleep next to you do he can wake up next to you, just like he wants to forever. He can't imagine a morning where he doesn't get to see you, doesn't get to hold you in his arms, and he doesn't want to. He brushes that aside, and focuses instead on how nice you smell, how comforting your breath is on his neck. You're so warm, you make him feel so warm, and he can't get enough of your body heat and his becoming one under the mass of blankets. He doesn't know what tomorrow will hold, but he's so excited to experience it, to have his very first opening night with you.

#ricky bowen #ricky bowen x reader #hsmtmts #hsmtmts x reader #high school musical the musical the series #high school musical the musical the series x reader #rocks at your window

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miidorikawa · 2 years

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HERE THEY ARE !!!

i think its pretty easy to tell equivalents but jic in top to bottom order its

25ji, mmj, vbs, l/n, wxs

the ones closest to the labels are unit leaders and theyre positioned how they would be in the ingame character screen (nobody cares but me but i will tell you anyways)

the vocaloids are their signature vocaloids besides miku (the ones that have their unit 3d model outfit preunlocked) which ended up being pretty close to canon with the exception of len, luka, and kaito which doesnt SEEM like a lot but. i put luka w 25ji bc 25ji’s signature. IS miku. and so kaito took her place at l/n and so len took HIS place at wxs

the full name of wxs’s equivalent is COTTON CANDY! it’s showtime☆ but i shortened it bc its kinda lengthy

more little brainstorms under the cut pls read them <3 /nf

i only have stuff for this unit bc it was my original swap unit

im gonna talk abt myself in 3rd person here for sake of clarity ok? ok.

so kanade solo composed for a while and gained decent popularity

toya reached out like heyyy…..im a fan of ur work….. can we collab pretty pls….

kanades like sure !

they both realize neither of them can reasonably do the mv (usually k does them but it’d make it take longer to come out and k’s lagging behind bc artblock)

toyas like okay. can i get my buddy to help

kanades like sure !

enter nene stage left /j

and thats all i’ve got. SO FAR

their nightcord usernames are k, kusane, chiku (PLS ASK ME HOW I CAME UP W THIS I FIND IT SI FUNNY /NF), and yoya

misc brainstorms relating to other groups

saki saw idols (not necessarily haruka, but maybe haruka) on tv in the hospital and she was like!!! that!!! i wanna be that!!!!

even after she gets out no agency wants the risk of an idol w a history of chronic illness :(

does saki sound familiar? its bc i stole this idea from @//lucypanpan’s swap saki lol

shes friends with minori at school and minori ALSO wants to be an idol bc shes. minori. /lh

they fail auditions together!!

eventually they get sick of auditions so theyre like hey what if we…..started an idol club….

only emu and kohane wanna join so its kinda useless to register it to the school so it just kinda plays out like mmj rooftop stuff

except its a LOT harder to grow from livestreams without ex idols to boost you so they do street performances too sometimes!

the only other misc hc (i guess this was more of a hopeful*cosmics section huh) i have is that shizuku joined cc! for the employee discount on phenny plushes for shiho

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neohood · 1 year

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I posted 35,735 times in 2022

That's 35,580 more posts than 2021!

45 posts created (0%)

35,690 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pacificwaternymph

@scribbling-dragon

@insertchaoticenbyname

@sweetsweetemo

@dancinglifeboat

I tagged 884 of my posts in 2022

#good soup - 16 posts

#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - 14 posts

#/lh - 13 posts

#prev tags - 13 posts

#empires smp spoilers - 12 posts

#yes - 8 posts

#empires spoilers - 8 posts

#me? posting og stuff? never! - 7 posts

#i love them - 7 posts

#solidarity gaming - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#for the record you can tag me in stuff but i have your notifications turned on so ill see it regardless of if you tag me or not lil

My Top Posts in 2022:

They lost focus and had a consensual work place relationship

51 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Made a little thingy for the double life session because I'm already missing the Ranchers

Jimmy's eyes opened to void. Here again. The place he always goes when he stops singing. The spots where the enderman clawed him still stung, but was heavily muted. As always. Someone dulls the pain, but never fully. He can't fully see out of his left eye, and his legs don't fully support his weight. These scars will always stay.

There's a light shining. That's never happened before. He's always alone until the final death, stuck in the resurrector until the cave collapses. He flys towards it. Upon closer inspection, it's a flame. His mind wanders to Tango, his soulmate, his partner til the end, and how he took their death. Was he upset? Resigned to his fate? Angry? Well, Jimmy won't know until everyone else dies. At least the flame helps against the cold. Maybe he'll sleep for a while.

Tango hates waiting for the end of the games. Waiting for the injuries to heal and the final victor to die. And he's alone. Jimmy died at the same, but he's not here. Eventually, he doesn't know when, Bigb and Ren join him. It doesn't take long for Ren's head to heal, and Tango's not alone anymore. He explains what's happened with Jimmy going missing and they console him.

A bit later, he sees a speck of yellow in the distance. It looks to be getting closer to them. He doesn't bother yelling for Ren and Bigb. It moves- no, flies closer. It's a canary. Tango's eyes start to water at the sight. It's wings look like Jimmy's on red, covered in dust. The canary sits on his shoulder, and hides under his chin. Jimmy would hide in Tango's lap and stick his head there. At least the canary gives him comfort. Maybe he'll go back to bed and wait for everyone else to join them.

62 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

AITA for imprisoning someone after he called me a toy?

Title says it all, let me explain

I (26M) have been being harassed by J (Immortal M). He insists on calling me a toy, and refuses to stop. I am the sheriff of a small town, and he has been defacing it with statues of toys from toy story in an attempt to get me to say I'm a toy. Which I'm not!

Anyway, I finally decided to do something. I built a jail cell and reinforced it with obsidian, then invited him over. After I told him his crimes (direspect of the Sheriff) he said that I'm abusing my power.

So, AITA?

(Companion to this)

67 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

Au where Jimmy stays in the ocean when Lizzie leaves

Lizzie said she'll be back right? So he just has to wait patiently, and she'll be back. That's what the note says, and Lizzie doesn't lie! So what if Jimmy can't remember when he last ate? So what if those fish haven't left him alone and he's getting sicker? So what if he created these lovely little brown ones to keep him company and kill the red fish while he waits? So what if he can't remember what Lizzie looks like fully? He just needs to wait!

One day, a note manages to fall to the bottom of the ocean where Jimmy is. It's a photo of Lizzie, in this beautiful dress, along side words he can't read. And she looks happier then he ever remembered her. He realizes she left him. She left him to wither away while those disgusting fish make him sick.

One day, Queen Lizzie's axolotl guards tell her of a strange brown fish that's showed up. It's incredibly hostile to salmon and pink axolotls. When she goes to investigate, she barely makes it out of there. The fish are vicious and aim for her vitals.

Lizzie informs the other rulers, with Count Fwhip also having noticed them. He says The Grimlands have been calling them "Cod".

One day, Sir Strawberry and Lady Marceline come barreling into a House Blossom meeting carrying a small, frail, incredibly unhealthy looking man. They claim he's the one controlling the cod and sent them after Lizzie. He snarls and speaks a language all the rulers recognized as the language of the gods, and the ones who can understand flinch at his words. He's screaming for blood, wanting to kill Lizzie and "MAKE HER PAY!"

Joel asks what he has against his wife only to receive a blank stare as they notice he doesn't understand Mangrovian. Pix asks the question for him, and the man all but screams "SHE LEFT ME! I WONT LET HER LEAVE AGAIN!" Lizzie says she has no memory of him, and once the words are translated the next ones by the man are bone chilling.

"You dirty fucking liar. I can't believe you forgot your own brother."

159 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don't know if anyone's posted this yet but I got some chat interactions

946 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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se7ens-oc-heaven · 2 years

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i demand Hesperides Lore Dump /hj

Eyyyy look at me totally answering this ask when it was sent which was totally not like. A year ago. Or whenever it was /lh/s

But he's actually getting some content in my brain machine recently so Hesperides! Or Hes as I sometimes call him (maybe I should start spelling it Hess?)

So to put it simply, Hesperides is a near-immortal predecessor of the modern vampire thanks to some worldbuilding I did for the species. Got a lot of the perks and almost none of the downsides... Aside from of course being immortal and outliving entire empires, never mind people lol

Still, Hess has been around for a while and has hit a pretty chill point in his life because what happens, happens.... Even if that includes getting isekai'd into a dead-end alternate universe on the brink of collapse.

It's fine.

This is where the 'vamphunters' storyline comes into play! He gets kinda dropped into that other world on accident and it starts out like the magically charged 'alt-earth' he's familiar with, though with less emphasis on magic. But a bizarre "pandemic*" that should have run its course instead seems to run the world into the ground, turning people into a bland variation on yout typical zombie apocalypse.

Hesperides tries to save infected people at first, he has countless centuries of knowledge tucked under his belt, but nothing seems to work... He ends up changing tactics and wiping them out on sight, humanity can rebuild if there's less chance for the infection to spread after all. Along the way he picks up Luca and Cheshire and kinda unofficially adopts them, and spends the next few years keeping them safe while they try to wait out the "apocalypse" stage and seek out other survivors.

Except. That doesn't quite pan out for the gang, for some reason....

Eventually, after various plot, the trio gets isekai'd (in Hess's case, Again) back to Hesperides's home universe with its 'like us except all that aliens and magic shit is real and some stuff is better' Earth.

Hesperides gets his boys some goddamn therapy, and meanwhile he decides to sort out how the fuck it was even possible to get isekai'd in the first place, and why things went in such a weird direction in the other world. He joins one of the local superhero organizations, gets a goth bf with bonus kid, also adopts an au version of one of his existing kids, and alternates between being a cool interdimensional hero/detective and the goofy gay undead dad of the area.

...I think I gave some lore too much detail but also tbqh cut a lot of shit out. The dude has a lot going on for him lmao. Guess that's what happens when you live for thousands of years, huh

@ anyone reading, feel free to send in asks bc I'd love to talk more about the gang here!

*before anyone assumes, I wrote the vamphunters base plotline back in middle school, had nothing to do with Covid. Covid just somehow made the aggro spread of my fantasy illness unnecessarily realistic lmao

#long post #hesperides #blablablah #ocs #se7enart #character art #vamphunters #shyyren #loredump

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kits-ships · 6 months

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water, electric and rock for the pokemon ask!

- @selfshipdork

very fitting that i got the guy who hates the entire beachy vibe of broa/dchurch. very cool /lh

[Water]: What does a beach day with your f/o look like? Do you go swimming or check out the boardwalk?

alec absolutely does not want to go to the beach. the vibes are all wrong and its a sensory nightmare.

luckily for him, eden doesn't care for the beach either; ESPECIALLY english beaches. swimming in the ocean is already chilly in the US, so england's weather makes the water entirely too cold for her!!

instead, she coaxes him into having a picnic with her near the cliffs overlooking the beach. alec is originally against the idea of being so close to such a steep drop, but they keep a safe distance away from the edge :) this way, they can enjoy the sights without all the sand and saltwater flying around and they get a little peace and quiet!!

[Electric]: When did you realize that you were in love with your f/o? When did they realize that they were in love with you?

eden's first realized that their 'no-strings-attached' situationship maybe had a few strings attached when alec had a massive episode and looked like he had dropped dead. she essentially turned into his guard dog and refused to leave his side until she was forced to go to work with ellie. after that? she was like. huh... that emotional outburst over a guy i have an oddly intimate relationship with was weird. ah, anyways-

her big realization happened after he'd brought her along for his interview alongside the press. sure she knew she was his assistant and was present for a lot of random meetings, but an off-the-record interview where he revealed so much information about himself all in one go?? eden thought she was gonna pass OUT, baby.

alec, however, realized his feelings much earlier- particularly when he first ended up in the hospital. did he want to admit them to himself at the time? no, but he certainly was feelin something for the woman !! instead of mentioning it, however, he decided to just wallow in the fact that his love life was a disaster and that he had (supposedly) unrequited feelings for his fwb. it was not a fun time for mr hardy.

[Rock]: What kinds of gifts do you get each other for your anniversaries/birthdays/etc?

honestly im not sure. he is a very new f/o but ill try to answer anyways :3

i think eden buys fancy, expensive liquors, self-care stuff, and stuff like handmade, leather wallets for alec. that, or she goes out of her way to make a mug from scratch for the guy. she even makes sure the handle is big enough for him to comfortably hold and adds a little notch that he can hang a tea bag from !!

alec's first thought is jewelry. what kind of jewelry, exactly, he doesn't know. he could honestly spend two or more hours just squinting at a case of sparkling stones and still not pick something out. gold?? silver?? ROSE GOLD?! he cant choose!! it takes him a while but he eventually decides on something dainty and, if he can, he begrudgingly tells the jeweler something sweet he wants engraved on it. also, no matter how much he spent on the engraving, he will not tell eden that it's there; that's for her to notice in a few weeks and get happy about all over again :)

#kit's questions!#'why do i take so long answering asks' -proceeds to write an essay-#a; baby are you coming for the ride?#i tried to proofread this but im goofy silly #so

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frostcorpsclub · 1 year

Text

I've gotten an ask about whether Suzy ever regrets marrying Jack and since this is the second time (not answering directly cause I don't want the person to feel embarrsed this isn't just towards them) I thought I'd give the full scope and remind you of a few things! /lh

I say "the night they met" a lot because it was literally one time and the first time, which is why I try to stress he wasn't instantly enamoured with her but more importantly, she 100% was. Suzy is deeply ill in the brain like Picture this

but with pictures of Jack she would totally have that up in her room if she could.

She lost her shit when he didn't contact her again because she was under the delusion he was going to come take her from her suffering and boredom, that they were going to be married and be happy doing awful things together forever...which provided DID eventually happen but after years of work and bonding. Someone like Suzy would do a lot and put up with a LOT to keep that, a lot of the things one might see as cons of being with Jack are stuff he's either

Convinced her is normal

She already agrees with

#FrostFlake #frostflake #jackfrostoc

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kai-strophics · 3 years

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uhhh can i have a uhhhh chronic illness for goldric (one or both of them)? :D

Why must you hurt me in this way 😔? /lh

I'm gonna use curse in place of chronic illness as that's how it tends to work in the witch world (and also some sad angst)

Edric gets cursed by Emira with a illness that would limit his ability to fight for the honour to join the Emperor's coven (similar to what Lillith did with Eda).

It ends up being a lot stronger than she thought it would be and his body is far more fragile now, however he puts on a smile and tries to live his life to the best he can with it.

This is while he's 18 so he no longer lives with the Blight parents.

Amity tries her best to find a cure or atleast some medication for him, but it's extremely difficult especially with him living so on edge.

Him and Hunter started dating after he left the coven. Emira took his spot (Emira has a corruption arc in this au).

Hunter lives with the owl gang and Edric sorta just goes around place to place not really having a permanent settlement.

Hunter only finds out about his illness once he ends up coughs up blood in front of him one day and passes out in his arms. Edric kept his curse a secret from everyone so as to not make them worried and until then only he and his sisters knew about it.

Hunter immediatly starts bombarding him with questions about what's wrong and drags him to the nearest healer he can find.

The good ending:

Edric eventually comes to terms with his feelings of being a bother to other people and accepts Hunter and Amity's help to find a medicine that can keep his illness at bay.

He bonds really well with Eda due to them both having a curse and she teaches him about accepting it as a part of himself and what not. But still no cool harpy form for Eddie :(

The bad ending:

Edric gets into a fight with Emira one day while trying to protect Hunter who cannot fight in the moment. His body eventually tires out and his magic drains with it. Emira leaves with what she wanted from Hunter and leaves the two to lay there.

Hunter immediately runs over to Edric who is completely weared out.

He ends up dying in Hunter's arm.

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candy-koi-miku · 3 years

Note

Luca because you want to

you’re so right thank you

btw these are canon bc i kin him and i said so /j

headcanon A:

Luca uses a mobility aid on bad days with his legs! he has the aids on his boots already in all his costume designs, but i imagine some days are worse then others.

additionally, he isn’t called in for matches on these days, so he has a tendency to lock himself up in his room and work until he’s interrupted by some outer force to make him actually rest like he needs to.

headcanon B:

if someone creeps up on Luca and surprises him, he’ll zap them out of shock! he’ll also (gently) zap someone if they interrupt his inventing, or (not so gently) if they mess with the Cipher Transmission Dial or Connection.

this is a message from a Prisoner main please stop touching the dial i promise we know what we’re doing /lh

headcanon C:

due to The Accident, Luca has a tendency to forget things easily. that’s normal, of course, except for when it’s not.

he forgets his name. where he is. he entirely forgets his friends. Andrew comes to check on him to assure he makes it to dinner and Luca is pointing a screwdriver or hammer in his direction, demanding to know who Andrew is and why he’s here.

he regains his memories eventually, and remembers the identity of himself and everyone else at the Manor, but it’s a terrifying experience for everyone.

headcanon D:

mr. Luca Balsa has ADHD and ill die on that hill

#i could talk abt Luca for literal days but the fandom did my man so dirty #like? he isn’t fucking stupid? he was a literal genius inventor?#iscreaminternallyalot #idv #luca balsa

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gremlem · 3 years

Text

UHHH LUVBUG BACKSTORY TIME I GUESS, TIME TO GET SAD/LH

Tw for, ableism, shitty childhood, mention of transphobia, neglectful parents,and general other shitty things

Okay, so what I got so far is that Bug was born, under both a first and last name they no longer use, to their parents ofc, one of which a fairly high ranking hero named Flashfire, and the other a government worker who worked in close proximity to them. Bug didn't show any signs of having powers until about 5, after experiencing an electric shock from a busted power cable, at which point they were promptly put into testing and training to learn how to control their powers and use them as a hero. Unfortunately as you might know, Bug's powers are incredibly unpredictable and well, glitchy, so training went,,, less than swimmingly KDJFJDJDJJSJDJDJS

when they finally had at least a rudimentary grasp on their powers at 11-12 they were tasked to "help" other hero teams with their somewhat easier to control supporting powers (it was mostly just to get them out in the field), and given a hero name, Shock-wave. As they continued though, more and more pressure was put on them to master their electrokinesis in order to actually place them on a team and stop villainy and criminals. In training they were taught to repress their emotions, in an attempt to keep more stable control over their electricity and make it pinpoint sharp. This went not so well, as was the trend in their training, and the pressure put on them not only by the researchers but their parents only made it worse. Trying to repress their emotions made them grow unpredictable and somewhat erratic, with them letting out bolts of electricity at random times and completely losing control of their physical form at others. IT ESPECIALLY DIDNT HELP THAT THEYRE QUITE MENTALLY ILL AND AUTISTIC WITHOUT ANY SORT OF SUPPORT FOR IT SKDJDJDJJDJDJDJDJDJDJD

The people around Bug only seemed to grow frustrated as their use to them lessened and lessened due to their mental state, with them eventually even being deemed unfit to work at 16. This was an especially devastating blow, as up until then, their whole sense of worth was based around helping others and being "of use" to the organization. Training stopped completely as they were deemed a lost cause, and it was decided the funds would be better put somewhere else. Bug used this newfound time to develop some hobbies, in an attempt to distract themself and keep themself going, however their parents were,,, less than enthused they weren't working on getting themself back onto a team (and this isn't even to mention the ableism they experienced and what went down when they tried to come out to their parents at 14 but y'know KDJDJDNDBDJDHDJDJHD)

At 19-20 they just left, moving into a shitty little flat, and started trying to get a "real" job. Over at the organization records were scrubbed and any public mention of them was taken down, essentially erasing them from history. It,,, didn't go great for a while, and while waiting for jobs to get back to them they took to the internet, exploring their previously mostly untapped ability to travel through the "webosphere". They started doxing predators and hacking sketchy websites, eventually making a bit of a name for themself in the strangest of places. The online villain community. Working retail by day and doing odd jobs for villains by night, they had found a niche that was,,, comfortable at least. The villains tended to not be nearly as corrupt or cutthroat as the government and hero organizations they had encountered, and they were free to use their powers the way they wanted, focusing on web travel, hacking, and viruses instead of their electrokinesis. They may have TECHNICALLY become a villain, but physically hurting people was still a line they didn't really want to cross. Eventually after a few years of doing this they took up a new name of their choosing, Luvbug, and finally dubbed themselves a villain, all the while still working a shitty job at walmart BFJKBJKBGVKSBRH

They honestly don't remember a lot of their life before age 16, and even after that its kinda fuzzy for a long time, both because of trauma, but also just general memory issues, but they still occasionally get,,,, flashes of their life before, often inducing a depressive (or rarely, manic) episode. They definitely have a better support system now than before but y'know, mental health is still a struggle, ANNNNDDDDD THATS WHAT I GOT SO FAR JKSDGVKJSDGVHKSDVHSDG

#goobspeak #luvbug #villainsona #UHH YEAH THEYRE #VV TRAUMATIZED #sorry if my tone seems kinda light here. i have a lotta similar trauma so this didnt seem nearly as sad when i was actually writing it

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hydemind · 3 years

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Your thoughts on Isaac, William, Frankie an Jack 🎤?

OHHHHHH CROW I COULD GO ON ABOUT THEM FOR HOURS.

this post is SUPER FUCKING LONG so for the first time in my life im using a read more link.

I'm gonna start out with Will, who, a little fun fact, isn't actually named William! His full name is Willis Grossman. His parents thought it'd be funny. Will doesn't know his full name.

Here are some other fun facts about me and @functionentropy 's Will (along with other characters below) (he is also the one who has been making this entire creepypasta interp with me! Go check out their art or else /lh):

Will was born in the late 1800s early 1900s!

His parents were a lot like a Bonnie and Clyde duo, and they cared and loved for Will very, very much.

Will always looked up to Isaac! He wanted to be exactly like his grandpa when he grew up. Isaac was also a wonderful grandfather as well.

Will, on his 13th birthday, got Isaac's mask as a gift. When he got it, Isaac said to him: "keep it safe. It's a family heirloom.", Will uses that excuse as to why he still wears it to this day.

Speaking of Isaac, he's the underrealm equivalent to a tumblr sexyman. Everyone thinks he's hot shit, but that also goes for a lot of serial killers residing in the underrealm. Will unfortunately had to see his grandfather on magazine covers talking about the underrealm's HOTTEST NEW KILLER. He hates it.

Will ran away from home after Isaac died at around the age of 20 to 21, and considering he was a legal adult, his parents couldn't do much. They're still looking for him. (How, you may ask? Well, a little thing about the underrealm is that it stunts growth. You're essentially unable to die of old age down there. Think shitty immortality. His parents are looking for him, and they know he's in the underrealm- so that's how they are still around!)

Will had the worst time in the underrealm for the first few years he was down there. He wasn't immediately enrolled in the institution and he had a hard time holding down a job. Eventually he met Frankie! They live(d) in an apartment together. The first time Frankie met Will he thought he was Isaac and told his landlord and him HELL NO. Frankie does not like Isaac. Cue [will's offended gasp] and him saying he's his GRANDSON, and WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE ISAAC SUCKED? Cue Frankie making fun of him for being a grandpa's boy.

Frankie and Will had a bumpy relationship for a while. Will wasn't always a good person. Not really bad, just a fucking dumbass.

Speaking of Frankie...

Here's stuff about Frankie!

Frankie's origin story is essentially the same in this interp. Except for the fact that Frankie very much HAD A PAST. (which. If u wanna know more........I would love to talk about it......but this is about CURRENT Frankie so if u wanna know more bro just pop up in my dms or send another ask im feeling wild tonight)

After Amy passed (which was NOT due in part to the operator in this universe. The operator just found her like that) he was found by Bell (prince beelzebub, ruler of the underrealm at that point). You should know Frankie wasn't always an adjusted and normal fuckin person. He was like a rabid dog for a good while there.

While Frankie was unhinged he fucking death rolled Daisy the first time they met. (Daisy is an oc! I'm willing to talk more about him if you want the deets. He's interesting :]) because of this Daisy is the only one allowed to openly make fun of Frankie. (Playfully, of course.)

Daisy and Bell both basically helped Frankie adjust to society.

Frankie is autistic! So is Will. And Isaac. All. Everyone. Everyone has autism. (Shhhh. i'm projecting.)

Frankie can see souls! He's a very good judge of character because of it. However Frankie doesn't know what he's seeing is people's souls.

Frankie goes specifically after bad people. He'll take jobs from bad people, but he'll kill them, too. He says "he's sending them back to where they belong".

Frankie was the first to really show Will killing isn't just something you do. It's more than that. Will had never really processed death and murder of his fellow man like that before. He has a hard time even processing people as people sometimes, outside those of whom he cares for. This is because of Isaac. Isaac taught Will that people are bad- all of them. And that killing them is preventing them from hurting others, even if they haven't yet.

Frankie is a good guy and honestly a softie deep down. He worries and cares for all those who are close to him, even if he doesn't act like it sometimes.

Frankie says Toby "kidnapped him" and "made him diseased". 1. Frankie can very much leave the household at any time and 2. Frankie is referring to the operator sickness. Speaking of that-

Frankie was dragged through the operator's own personal hell! (Aka the realm they reside in more often than not, aka the place that Tim gets tossed around in near the end of marble hornets.) Reason being was because he threatened Toby's life. The operator is very protective of Toby.

Speaking of that, someone else was around when Toby met Frankie...

ONTO LAUGHING JACK!

ohhh man. Oh man. Oh baby. This clown is FULL of illness. Alright. So let's start off simple:

Lj was of course, made for Isaac. That's still a consistency. What isn't is that lj was around Isaac for a lot longer than in the original story. They developed a very close bond over the years they knew eachother, but, all good things must come to an end.

Lj returned to his box when Isaac left for boarding school. However, unlike the original story....Isaac didn't really come back to open the box. In fact, the most Isaac did was...well, I'll wait to spill that for Isaac's part later.

However! Eventually the house got passed off to another family. Years, and it mean YEARS later someone found lj's box in the attic! They were an unfortunate casualty.

After this, lj went and hunted Isaac down. Cue gore filled murder scene.

Things to note: LJ feels HORRIBLE about what he did to Isaac. He regrets it everyday. He wishes he had never done that to him.

But, time skip a bit.. we're further in the future now. LJ has his carnival set up and hidden away in an empty spot in the forest. He eventually comes across a wandering spirit because of this. This wanderer just so happens to be Sally!

LJ takes her in and swears to protect her with his life. In a way, you could say he sees her as a chance of redemption.

Sally was a wandering spirit, meaning she never really was stuck to one spot in particular- also meaning she wasn't very strong. Because of this, LJ gave her some of his own angelic essence. This boosted Sally and essentially made her a poltergeist!

(Note: Sally doesn't know how she died. Also, none of the things in her og story happened to her in this one. Fuck mishimishi. All my homies hate mishimishi.)

A little while after this they actually meet Toby and Jeffery! But this is getting long and to explain THAT entire debacle would make it even longer. but again I fully invite you to send more asks or just straight up dm me if you wanna know!

Now, last, but certainly not least..

ISAAC GROSSMAN.

OH MAN. Isaac is a DOOZY. Just like LJ, this baby is chocked FULL of illnesses! *slaps the top of his head like the roof of a car* but also, fair warning here: im gonna be talking about some heavy stuff. Abuse, physical and mental, gore, just. Death in general. Cannibalism, and EXTREME MENTAL ILLNESS *loud airhorn* so if any of that stuff gets to you steer clear of this part!

Anyways, let's start out simple!

Isaac was born in victorian England.

Isaac's mother was terrible towards him. I'm talking mental and physical abuse. She was a horrible, horrible woman.

Isaac's father...he wasn't a good person either, but he didn't beat Isaac. Nor did he really mentally abuse him either. He just...let it happen. He didn't even hurt his mother like he did in the original story. Isaac's mother was just plain bad for no good reason.

Isaac was sort of. Born having mental illness. They didn't just develop for him due to the abuse he experienced, though they certainly DID make it worse. There were other mental issues he has now that developed due to the abuse, however.

LJ was quite literally a godsend for Isaac. Metaphorically and not Metaphorically. LJ made Isaac happy, gave him comfort, and was basically like the mom he never had.

that's why it was so hard on Isaac when he had to leave lj behind. For a while he even had hallucinations of lj while in boarding school (which only furthered his future belief that lj was a hallucination brought on by the need to cope).

Isaac's first technical "murder" you could say was at boarding school. He pushed a shitty teacher down the stairs when there was no one around and they died. It wasn't even premeditated- more like it just sort of..happened.

Eventually Isaac graduated. When he did, he promptly returned home and killed his parents, as you do. /s

Isaac killed his mom in a rather violent fashion in comparison to his father- he whiplashed her so hard she fucking died.

Not long after this Isaac started his..well. I guess you could call it career.

Basically you know what happens after that. human skin chair, yadda yadda yadda, underrealm's sexiest killer, you know the drill.

Isaac did more than the human skin chair though! In fact, he uh. He. He did a lot. He did. SO much. But that was because Isaac believed in not wasting any part of the body. Which means Isaac not only made human skin chairs, but he was an avid cannibal, as well. (Fun fact, this very much extended to Will's father, mother, and Will as well. Will didn't know they were eating human for a long time. He had to realize that on his own.)

Eventually, Isaac punched his ticket because of LJ. But..I'd be a liar to say he really died.

No, our wonderful boy Isaac didn't die. He became a ghoul. Which, by the way, only further fucked with Isaac mentally! He's so ill. Some other things happened which I won't say here because they're spoilers for the fanfic I'm working on (Oh yeah the hyperfixation is that bad, but if you wanna know, again, I fully invite you to ask), but basically Isaac eventually gets taxidermied by, drumroll please..TOBY!!!! yeah. Toby does taxidermy as a job. He invited a new type of it for taxidermying Isaac. It was to repay daisy for something he did for the group.

But to say, again, that THAT was Isaac's end, would be another lie! No no no. Isaac was alive during the entire process! The good news is that he's never looked better after he escaped daisy's house when it got exploded by Frankie. Which..that's uh..another story for another day. This post is already insanely long and I am NOT putting it in the main tags.

So yeah! Im absolutely crazy for these dudes and I love all of them. By the way if you couldn't guess before Frankie and Will very much get together and are so so gay. Another little thing: Isaac is gay too, he had a past relationship with a man by the name of Dr. Locklear! Locklear is French German and his accent shows it. They were very close but fell out because of Locklear being involved with the institution and...a certain foundation.

I'll leave it to you to ponder on that one.

#if you have any specific questions about them feel totally free to ask!!!! im so insane and i WILL talk about all of them for hours given #the chance #asks #shut up murphy #ALSO please dont reb/lo/g this im a little afraid of me and tropy's ideas being stolen sgjndfk #th ank

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batphone2 · 3 years

Text

Are Sarms Anabolic Steroids, Are Sarms Anabolic Steroids

Mhc Class Ii Restricted Recognition Of Fmdv Peptides By Bovine T Cells

Content

Dear Daniela: What Do Peptides Do For Skin.

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sinceileftyoublog · 5 years

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Lonnie Holley Interview: Big Ears Festival

Lonnie Holley & The Messthetics @ The Mill & Mine, Big Ears Festival 2019

BY JORDAN MAINZER

His artistic history is well documented, but it bears repeating every time: Lonnie Holley began making art out of tragedy, when he carved headstones for the children of his sister, too poor to afford them. That creative process lead to his interest in sculpture with found art, and museums’ subsequent interest in him, leading to exhibitions and retrospectives. In the meantime, he had been experimenting with music for years with a Casio keyboard he found, not releasing anything until 2012′s Just Before Music, followed by 2013′s Keeping a Record of It (and a Big Ears Festival appearance). But last year’s astounding MITH felt like a culmination of his career: improvised synths, soulful vocals, and a newfound urgency inspired by the social ills surrounding the election and its aftermath.

At this year’s Big Ears Festival, Holley started his collaborative set with The Messthetics at The Mill & Mine with his back to the crowd, eventually sitting down to provide his signature mix of warbling keys, whistling, and warmth, shedding a tear when he came “back up to consciousness” to say hi to the crowd. It was a remarkably humanistic set backed by the fascinating tumult of The Messthetics. Best, it was unique, a one-time-only performance, a complete devotion to both momentary emotion and the environment in which it took place.

At Big Ears, Holley also performed a set with Nelson Patton at St. Johns Episcopal Cathedral and led a “walking tour of Knoxville” starting at the Emporium Center. This week, he answered some questions over email reflecting back on his experience at the festival.

Since I Left You: What sort of preparation, whether mental or physical, did you do for your collaborative set with The Messthetics?

Lonnie Holley: I don't really do anything different before any show. My life prepared and continues to prepare me to perform and share my mental ideas. I try to pay attention to what's happening in the world, and I'm always aware of what's happening where I am. My art and my music are about real life, the past and the future, and how we as humans effect those things. When I'm playing with guys like Brendan [Canty], Joe [Lally], and Anthony [Pirog] (The Messthetics), I try to listen to their output and give them some of me back, until we have a good idea what we sound like together. After that, we don't really need to prepare. Our lives and our work prepare us. Then we just have to go out there and do it. I say, "We brain it, we bring it, and I sing it. It's only about the truth." After we were done playing, Matt Arnett (my friend and manager and collaborator on so many things) said excitedly, "Well, maybe we should do that again." Joe said, "Sure. But let's make a record."

I think one thing people may not understand is that we create the songs and music as we go. But I try to have an idea. I make a set list of ideas I want to sing about. I share that list with my bandmates and try to give them an idea about how it should sound. I don't read music, so my instructions are like "earthy," or "spacey," or "I want to feel like I'm marching," or whatever. It's more about feel than musical notes. I want them to react to what I'm doing, and I'm always reacting to what they are doing. At Big Ears, I had this idea to start the set facing away from the crowd. I wanted to stand there for 100 seconds, turning my back on the audience. I wrote down, "100 Seconds. What If I the Great Spirit Turned My Back on America?" That was the first song. I had some ideas about what that meant, but I didn't know for sure until we started playing.

SILY: Describe the mental space you occupy when you perform.

LH: I try to leave the stage mentally when I'm performing. Matt used to always ask me after a show, "How did you think it went?" After too many times of saying, "I don't know, I wasn't there," he has stopped asking. I usually have to ask other people what they thought, because in order to really go where I want to go, I can't be paying attention to what's happening in the building. I pay close attention to what my bandmates are doing. I ear it. But in order to find the things to sing about, I have to go up into my head and look for the pictures and the sounds I want to share. I've tried to describe how my brain works when I'm on stage. I have carousels spinning around that have pictures and memories on them. And they spin, and I search them for the images and the words to build a song. Sometimes I have to create words if the right ones don't exist. I take a mental flight. Like I did when sneaking off the slave ship.

SILY: Unlike your one-off performance with The Messthetics, you've played with Nelson Patton before. What's unique about each show with them, and what's different?

LH: Man, I love playing with Marlon (Patton) and Dave (Nelson). Those guys are like my sons. And my brothers. We've played enough together now that I think we are all really comfortable on stage together. They were putting out their record, which was just instrumental, and asked me if I'd sing vocals on one of the songs. I listened to their music and said, "Yes." When we went in the studio, I couldn't stop finding things that inspired me about their music. So, instead of singing on one song, I sang on four. Then we decided to play a show together, at National Sawdust in Brooklyn, and it was so much fun. I was going to do some recording and asked if they wanted to come into the studio with me. Then we did it again. And again. They played on half of my record MITH. We toured Europe together. We toured the US with Animal Collective last summer. No show is ever the same with them. None of us are afraid to push the other in one direction or another. They know when I want to break out and get wild and when I want to slow down and sing about something as important as the poisoned water in Flint, Michigan. And when I might go from hopeful to angry in a song, they go there with me and bring the swirl of sound that helps my words have more power.

MITH album art

But they are also fun. We have a good time, on stage and off. The last show of our tour in Europe, we were playing Sonic City Festival, which was curated by Courtney Barnett. I was going to sing a song about cell phones and technology and how we've allowed Cold Titty Mama, I call her the CTM (Computer Technology Management), to dominate our lives. The song was going to be called "Everybody That's Big Enough Is on Their Cellphone." I noticed that there was this festival that people had come to but they were all walking around on their phones. That's what it's like everywhere. We sampled the ringing cellphone as the way to start the song. We didn't tell Marlon that Matt was actually going to call my cellphone from the sound booth and I was going to answer and start the song by talking on my phone. When Marlon saw me answer my phone he was, at first, like, "Man, you can't be answering your phone during a show," only to realize that we hadn't told him we were going to do that and it was actually part of the song. He's already having to react to what he thinks is going to happen, and here we were throwing him a surprise. It was really funny, and we had a good laugh, but he adapted and we went right on into a very serious song. Even though what we are singing about is serious, deadly serious, we know that sometimes you have to laugh, even if it’s at yourself. We know that everything needs humor.

SILY: You participated in walking tour of Knoxville. What was that like? Is walking around without a specific destination your preferred way of exploring cities?

LH: That was so much fun. I hope people didn't join us hoping to get a walking history of Knoxville. I don't think we made it more than a few hundred yards. I took them down to the railroad tracks and we found materials. We talked mostly about material and the things we discard and what that does to our Mother Ship. And we sang songs about it. My friends Christopher Paul Stelling and Evie Andrus came with us and brought an old beat up guitar and a fiddle. Then we made instruments and sounds from the things we found on the railroad tracks and sang about the environment. I liked not having a plan. How can we plan for something when we don't know what is around the corner that might inspire us? When we were heading over to the meeting spot, Matt and I noticed an old embankment on the edge of town and realized that years ago we'd been on that embankment. We found a lot of foundation stones and other materials that had remained from some old buildings. I collected those and took them home and made art out of them. That was at least five years ago. We noticed that the hill itself was now gone, making way for a new development of some kind. We noticed something that didn't exist anymore, anywhere except in our memory. The industrial parts of Knoxville aren't that different from the industrial parts of Birmingham. I felt very much at home in Knoxville and would love to spend more time exploring there. I really like the way Big Ears and Knoxville support each other.

Grown humans will always be students to me. No matter who we are, there is always the possibility of learning more. On that day, I was supposed to be the teacher and the guide, but I was just as much a student as everyone else. And we had young people and people older than me walking with us, getting down on their knees and not being afraid to get down and get dirty.

Poster for Holley’s film I Snuck Off The Slave Ship

SILY: What's next for you?

LH: When I get around this corner, I can tell you.

But I do have some shows coming up that I'm really excited about. I am doing a collaboration in a few weeks with my friend Dave Eggar at the Dallas Museum of Art, in conjunction with the Dallas Symphony and SMU. I'm also finishing a residency at UNC Chapel Hill that was cut short in the fall by a hurricane, and some workshops with kids in rural, eastern North Carolina. I'm really looking forward to that. Then I leave for Europe with my band and then FORM Festival in Arizona. I'll do some art-making there, too. In late May, I go to Australia for the first time, and we are playing VividLIVE at the Sydney Opera House and some other shows. I'm going to Mississippi to do a project with the Walter Anderson Museum and then go back to North Adams, Massachusetts for Solid Sound Festival. I have an exhibit at MASS MoCA (they host Solid Sound) that closes this summer, so I'll be glad to see those works again before they come down. I've got a few screenings of my film, I Snuck Off the Slave Ship, which premiered at Sundance, coming up, including the first showing in Atlanta at the Atlanta Film Festival. Everyone who worked on the film and who was in it will get a chance to see it on the big screen. That's pretty exciting to be able to share it with the folks where I live. I have some other shows that haven't been announced yet, too. It's a really busy time, but so much is happening in the world and I feel like being busy is the only thing we, as artists, can do to make a difference. What we need here in America is art, not just words without power. And we need to learn how to tear down walls. And maybe it's time to go make a record with The Messthetics.

Thumbs Up for Mother Universe!

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teachanarchy · 7 years

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What is Leftism?

For most it means some form of socialism, despite the fact that there are plenty of leftists who are not opposed to capitalism (clearly from the actual history of socialism, not all socialists are opposed to capitalism either). Plenty of other arguments can be made about that, but let’s just keep things simple and assume that the two terms are synonymous. As is the case with most vague terms, however, it’s easier to come up with a list of characteristics than a definition. Leftism encompasses many divergent ideas, strategies, and tactics; are there any common threads that unite all leftists, despite some obvious differences? In order to begin an attempt at an answer, it is necessary to examine the philosophical antecedents to what can broadly be termed Socialism.

Liberalism, Humanism, and Republicanism are political and philosophical schools of thought deriving from the modern European tradition (roughly beginning during the Renaissance). Without going into details, adherents of the three (especially Liberalism) presume the existence of an ideal property-owning male individual who is a fully rational (or at least a potentially rational) agent. This idealized individual stands opposed to the arbitrary authority of the economic and political systems of monarchism and feudalism, as well as the spiritual authority of the Catholic Church. All three (LH&R) presume the capacity of anyone (male), through education and hard work, to succeed in a free market (of commodities and ideas). Competition is the overall ethos of all three.

The promoters of LH&R insist that these modernist philosophies-compared to monarchism, elitism, and feudalism-are advances on the road to human freedom. They believe it more beneficial for what they call The Greater Good to adhere to and promote a philosophy that at least proposes the ability of anyone to gain some kind of control over her/his own life, whether in the realm of education, economic prosperity, or political interactions. The ultimate goals of LH&R are to do away with economic scarcity and intellectual/spiritual poverty, while promoting the idea of more democratic governance. They promote this under the rubric of Justice, and they see the State as its ultimate guarantor.

Socialism as a modern movement has been greatly influenced by these three philosophies. Like those who adhere to LH&R, leftists are concerned with, and are opposed to, economic and social injustice. They all propose ameliorating social ills through active intervention or charity, whether under the auspices of the State, NGOs, or other formal organizations. Very few of the proposed solutions or stopgaps promote (or even acknowledge) self-organized solutions engaged in by those directly suffering such ills. Welfare, affirmative action programs, psychiatric hospitals, drug rehabilitation facilities, etc. are all examples of various attempts to deal with social problems. Given the premises of these overlapping philosophies and their practical frameworks, they have the appearance of being the results of intelligence and knowledge mixed with empathy and the desire to help people. Cooperation for The Common Good is seen as more beneficial to humanity than individual competition. However, socialism also takes the existence of competition for granted. Liberals and socialists alike believe that human beings do not naturally get along, so we must be educated and encouraged to be cooperative. When all else fails, this can always be enforced by the State.

Moderate, Radical, and Extreme Leftism Tactics and strategies

Regardless of the fact that there is plenty of overlap and blending-precluding real, discrete boundaries-I hope that describing these various manifestations of leftism will be a way to identify certain particular characteristics.

In terms of strategy and tactics, moderate leftists believe that things can be made better by working within current structures and institutions. Clearly reformist, moderate leftists promote legal, peaceful, and polite superficial alterations in the status quo, eventually hoping to legislate socialism into existence. The democracy they champion is bourgeois: one person, one vote, majority rule.

Radical leftists promotes a mixture of legal and illegal tactics, depending on whatever appears to have a better chance of succeeding at the moment, but they ultimately want the sanction of some properly constituted legal institutions (especially when they get to make most of the rules to be enforced). They are pragmatic, hoping for peaceful change, but ready to fight if they believe it to be necessary. The democracy they promote is more proletarian: they aren’t worried about the process of any particular election, so long as gains are made at the expense of the bosses and mainstream politicians.

Extreme leftists are amoral pragmatists, a strategic orientation that can also be termed opportunistic. They are decidedly impolite, explicitly desiring the destruction of current institutions (often including the State), with the desire to remake them so that only they themselves will be able to make and enforce new laws. They are much more willing to use force in the service of their goals. The democracy they promote is usually based on a Party.

Relationship to capitalists

All leftists privilege the category of worker as worker/producer, an entity that exists only within the sphere of the economy. Moderate leftists campaign for workers’ rights (to strike, to have job security and safety, to have decent and fair contracts), trying to mitigate the more obvious abuses of the bosses through the passage and enforcement of progressive legislation. They want capitalism to be organized with “People Before Profits” (as the overused slogan has it), ignoring the internal logic and history of capitalism. Moderate leftists promote socially responsible investing and want a more just distribution of wealth; social wealth in the form of the much-touted “safety net,” and personal wealth in the form of higher wages and increased taxes on corporations and the rich. They want to balance the rights of property and labor.

Radical leftists favor workers at the expense of the bosses. Workers are always right to the radical leftist. They wish to change the legal structure in such a way to reflect this favoritism, which is supposed to compensate for the previous history of exploitation. The redistribution of wealth envisioned by radical leftists builds on the higher wages and increased taxation of the corporations and the rich to include selective expropriation/nationalization (with or without compensation) of various resources (banks, natural resources for example).

Extreme leftists promote the total expropriation — without compensation — of the capitalist class, not only to right the wrongs of economic exploitation, but to remove the capitalist class from political power as well. At some point, the workers are to be at least nominally in charge of economic and political decision making (although that is usually meditated through a Party leadership).

The role of the State

Leftists view the State on a continuum of ambivalence. Most are clear that the role of the State is to further the goals of whatever class happens to rule at any given period; further they all recognize that the ruling class always reserves for itself a monopoly on the legitimate use of force and violence to enforce their rule. In the political imaginations of all moderate and some radical leftists, the State (even with a completely capitalist ruling class) can be used to remedy many social problems, from the excesses of transnational corporations to the abuses of those who have been traditionally disenfranchised (immigrants, women, minorities, the homeless, etc.). For extreme leftists, only their own State can solve such problems, because it is in the interest of the current ruling class to maintain divisions among those who are not of the ruling class. Despite the ambivalence, an attachment to the functions of government as executed by the State remains. This is the pivotal area of conflict between all leftists and all anarchists, despite the historical positioning of anarchism within the spectrum of leftism — about which more below.

The role of the individual

Missing from all these different strains of leftism is a discussion of the individual. While LH&R refer briefly to the individual, these philosophies do not take into account non-property-owning males, females, or juveniles — who are indeed considered the property of the normative individual: the adult property-owning man. This led to the complete lack on interest in (and the accompanying exploitation of) peasants and workers, a disregard that is supposed to be corrected by socialism. Unfortunately, virtually all socialists only posit the category Worker and Peasant as collective classes — a mass to be molded and directed — never considering the desires or interests of the individual (male or female) worker or peasant to control their own lives. According to the ideological imperatives of leftist thought, the self-activity of these masses is seen suspiciously through the ideological blinkers of the competitive ethos of capitalism (since the masses aren’t yet intelligent enough to be socialists); the workers will perhaps be able to organize themselves into defensive trade unions in order to safeguard their wages, while the peasants will only want to own and work their own piece of land. Again, education and enforcement of cooperation is necessary for these masses to become conscious political radicals.

A Generic Leftism?

So all leftists share the goals of making up for injustice by decree, whether the decree comes out of better/more responsive representatives and leaders, a more democratic political process, or the elimination of a non-worker power base. They all desire to organize, mobilize, and direct masses of people, with the eventual goal of attaining a more or less coherent majority, in order to propel progressive and democratic change of social institutions. Recruitment, education, and inculcating leftist values are some of the more mundane strategies leftists use to increase their influence in the wider political landscape.

All leftists have a common distrust of regular (non-political/non-politicized) people being able to decide for themselves how to solve the problems that face them. All leftists share an abiding faith in leadership. Not just a trust of particular leaders who portray themselves as having certain moral or ethical virtues over and above common people, but of the very principle of leadership. This confidence in leadership never brings representational politics into question. The existence of elected or appointed leaders who speak and act on behalf, or in the place, of individuals and groups is a given; mediation in the realm of politics is taken as a necessity, removing most decision making from individuals and groups. Leftists share this commitment to leadership and representation — they believe themselves able to justly represent those who have traditionally been excluded from politics: the disenfranchised, the voiceless, the weak.

The leftist activist, as a representative of those who suffer, is a person who believes her/himself to be indispensable to improving the lives of others. This derives from a dual-pronged notion common to all leftists:

Non-political people, left to their own devices, will never be able to alter their situations in a radical or revolutionary manner (Lenin’s dismissal of workers as never being able to move beyond a “trade union mentality” without some professional outside help comes to mind here); and

Those with more intelligence or a better analysis are both wise and ethical enough to lead (whether through example or by decree) and organize others for their own good, and perhaps more importantly, the greater good.

The unspoken but implicit theme that runs through this brief assessment of leftism is a reliance on authoritarian relations, whether assumed or enforced, brutally compelling or gently rational. The existence of an economy (exchange of commodities in a market) presumes the existence of one or more institutions to mediate disputes between those who produce, those who own, and those who consume; the existence of a representational political process presumes the existence of one or more institutions to mediate disputes between diverse parties based on common interest (often with conflicting goals); the existence of leadership presumes that there are substantive differences in the emotional and intellectual capacities of those who direct and those who follow. There are plenty of rationalizations contributing to the maintenance of such institutions of social control (schools, prisons, the military, the workplace), from efficiency to expediency, but they all ultimately rely on the legitimate (sanctioned by the State) use of coercive authority to enforce decisions. Leftists share a faith in the mediating influence of wise and ethical leaders who can work within politically neutral, socially progressive, and humane institutional frameworks. Their thoroughly hierarchical and authoritarian natures, however, should be clear even after a cursory glance.

Are All Forms of Anarchism Leftism

All anarchists share a desire to abolish government; that is the definition of anarchism. Starting with Bakunin, anarchism has been explicitly anti-statist, anti-capitalist, and anti-authoritarian; no serious anarchist seeks to alter that. Leftists have consistently supported and promoted the functions of the State, have an ambiguous relationship to capitalist development, and are all interested in maintaining hierarchical relationships. In addition, historically they have either tacitly ignored or actively suppressed the desires of individuals and groups for autonomy and self-organization, further eroding any credible solidarity between themselves and anarchists. On a purely definitional level, then, there should be an automatic distinction between leftists and anarchists, regardless of how things have appeared in history.

Despite these differences, many anarchists have thought of themselves as extreme leftists — and continue to do so — because they share many of the same analyses and interests (a distaste for capitalism, the necessity of revolution, for example) as leftists; many revolutionary leftists have also considered anarchists to be their (naïve) comrades — except in moments when the leftists gain some power; then the anarchists are either co-opted, jailed, or executed. The possibility for an extreme leftist to be anti-statist may be high, but is certainly not guaranteed, as any analysis history will show.

Left anarchists retain some kind of allegiance to 19th century LH&R and socialist philosophers, preferring the broad, generalized (and therefore extremely vague) category of socialism/anti-capitalism and the strategy of mass political struggles based on coalitions with other leftists, all the while showing little (if any) interest in promoting individual and group autonomy. From these premises, they can quite easily fall prey to the centralizing tendencies and leadership functions that dominate the tactics of leftists. They are quick to quote Bakunin (maybe Kropotkin too) and advocate organizational forms that might have been appropriate in the era of the First International, apparently oblivious to the sweeping changes that have occurred in the world in the past hundred-plus years — and they then have the gall to ridicule Marxists for remaining wedded to Marx’s outdated theories, as if by not naming their own tendencies after other dead guys they are thereby immune from similar mistakes.

The drawbacks and problems with Marxism, however — for example that it promotes the idea of a linear progression of history of order developing out of chaos, freedom developing out of oppression, material abundance developing out of scarcity, socialism developing out of capitalism, plus an absolute faith in Science as the ideologically neutral pursuit of pure Knowledge, and a similar faith in the liberatory function of all technology — are the same drawbacks and problems with the anarchism of Bakunin and Kropotkin. All of this seems lost on left anarchists. They blithely continue to promote a century-old version of anarchism, clearly unaware of, or unconcerned by, the fact that the philosophical and practical failures of leftism — in terms of the individual, the natural world, and appropriate modes of resistance to the continued domination of a flexible, adaptable, and expanding capitalism — are shared by this archaic form of anarchism as well.

Those of us who are interested in promoting radical social change in general, and anarchy in particular, need to emulate and improve upon successful (however temporary) revolutionary projects for liberation, rather than congratulating ourselves for being the heirs of Bakunin (et al.). We can do this best if we free ourselves from the historical baggage and the ideological and strategic constraints of all varieties of leftism.

#leftism #anarchism #marxism #socialism #communism

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outdoorfan-blog · 6 years

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