#(“hlep”)

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[ubercharge]

i can’t stop fucking laughing

#reddit #r/shittyfoodporn #food #lemon pye #he didn't like it . ..... #Hlep. #10k

[primonizuto]

source

#succession #succession spoilers #HLEP #i didnbt make this btw i saw it on twitter and in my haste to share it i forgot to link the op. im sick with guilt #bc now i cant even find the tweet 😭 #EDIT TYSM TO THE PPL WHO LINKED THE SOURCE

[anthyies]

#Hlep I was looking back at the last issue of tt03 to get annoyed at the treatment of clones again but then saw this. It’s rlly sweet and #also very funny #Like you too could be impaled by a shard of rock. You are not invulnerable tim #What is that cape going to do. #tim #kon #dc #esha.txt

[dakotameh]

It´s my drawing and I decide how many versions of the same drawing I do 🗣️🗣️🗣️

#drawings #fanart #spooky month fanart #spooky month sr pelo #spooky month #spooky month bob #sm bob velseb #bob vesleb #bob velseb #spooky month tender treats #fanartist #sr pelo #sr pelo spooky month #spooky month art #digital art #original art #tw blood #cw blood #blood cw #tw knife #cw knife #ive turned into a shrimp #send hlep

[skitkattl]

happy (late) pla anniversary and happy two years to my favorite shiny balding scalp ever

#pokemon legends arceus #pokemon legends #pokemon ingo #subway boss ingo #warden ingo #submas #pokemon #i promise i'll make something actually good for the anniversary but i fogrot to post these HLEP #skitty doodles

[shesacarver]

WHAT THE FUCK JUST SHOWED UP

PLWASE

#twenty one pilots #twenty øne piløts #tøp #top #HEP #HELP SOMEONE HLEP

[drugsforaddicts]

📷: varjosenfransphoto

#I fell into hockey jere rabbit hole and I can't get out #sned hlep #käärijä

[1hellofacookie]

listen,

listen,

I watched Barbie, and

I'm so fucking gay

kenjoy

#my art #I LOVE THEM HLEP #fuck #barbie #barbie 2023 #glorbie #?? #wtf is their ship name help #Barbie brainrot

[bakubunny]

Imagine the first time Kirishima calls you a “fucking brat”, and yeah so maybe he’s been spending a little too much time with Bakugou on those night patrols, but they make him tired and achy. So when he sees you prancing around the kitchen early in the morning dancing to your playlist and preparing your morning coffee wearing next to nothing, it’s like he knows what you’re trying to do— you’re such a tease.

But what he doesn’t expect is for your entire body to react to him the way it does when the words leave his lips. Your knuckles lighten as your teaspoon clinks down onto the counter and you grip onto the edge to stop your weak knees from buckling as you moan. You moan so fucking loud and he hasn’t even touched you.

Okay, so yeah maybe he should take a leaf out of Bakugou’s book more often.

ugh. i’d die a little on the inside but kiri’s smirk is worth it.

“you like that, sweetheart?” he teases.

eijiro saunters over to where you are, refusing to look him in the eye.

“shush. be quiet.” heat floods your face and neck.

his arms slide around your waist. he presses his warm body into yours and leans down to kiss the shell of your ear. his breath fans over your skin. “why?”

your breath hitches as his hands roam over your stomach, his mouth wandering down your neck.

“b-because i said so. that’s why,” you reply defensively, knowing full well you’ve already lost.

eijiro’s chuckle rumbles against your back, gooseflesh blooming on your arms and legs. he places another kiss on your ear. his lips graze the sensitive skin as he speaks, voice low.

“such a fucking brat.”

#send hlep #im gnawing at the iron bars of my enclosure #x reader #kirishima eijirou #aged up characters #asks #bakubunny

[inkskxtch]

first shitpost drawing of 2024 and its fucking vincent fnaf im going to be sick

#finally gave in and drew him after all these years and hes burning alive HLEP MEE #vincent fnaf #vincent bishop #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #rebornica #scorpion #scorpion mk #scorpion mortal kombat #mortal kombat #my art

[pinetreeshack]

for the love of god

#please. please someone anyone hlep him #fionna and cake #adventure time #im gonna be sick #simon petrikov #fionna and cake spoilers

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Hey, fellow full-time Wheelchair Users,

I'm thinking of a state of mind that's a cousin(?) to "hangry," especially if your chair is not a perfect fit for your body (or not a good fit, at all). It might even have been custom-made for you when you first got it, but your body has changed in the meantime (or the chair's gone out of alignment in the meantime), and it'll be a while before Medicare/Insurance will help pay for a new one.

So at the start of the day, the miss fit is uncomfortable/annoying. But you take it...

At the end of the day, do you find yourself getting more frustrated/angrier than you would at the start of the day?

Especially in response to a normate person being hlepful... Or is that just me?

Can we coin a word for this?

#disability life #hlep #wheelchairs #ableism

[adelarsims]

half finished half room (wolfie's half). with wolfie in woolen socks, playing the guitar!

|♫|

i don't want to give them their own rooms from the beginning, because having to share one room is a part of the narrative and contributes to their difficult family dynamic. but at least they divided it with bookshelves.

#oof i'm not a builder someone hlep #wolfgang munch #my baby #my digital son #i missed him so much #ts4 #simblr #the sims 4 #townie makeover

[sersh]

MILLY ALCOCK Attending the House of the Dragon World Premiere on July 27th 2022

#milly alcock #malcockedit #millyalcockedit #hotdedit #rhaenyra targaryen #hotd #house of the dragon #gotedit #asoiafedit #dailywomen #flawlesscelebs #userladiesblr #userbbelcher #dailyactresses #sheeeeee hlep #gifset #actoredit #my edit

[michsmeesh]

this came to me in a dream last night

#i need hlep