Description: You get called into Prof. Aizawa's office after he notices your grades have been low and you two... work out how to fix this
A/N: Heyy lmao i haven't written fanfiction or anything since i was in grade 8 and im in college now so pls dont be to hard on me im not the best writer lmao but i thought i would try get back into it so idk i hope yall enjoy it :)
Tags: college au, no quirks au, age gaps, oral (m+f receiving), choking, skull fucking, dacryphilia, degradation, praise, dubcon(not rlly tho?), rough sex, fingering, slapping (ass), Daddy kink
word count: 2.1k
you nervously knock on his office door, your fingers playing with the hem of your skirt as you anxiously await his response. "Come in" you hear his low, husky, voice before you slowly start to open the door and enter. He's standing resting his arms on his desk chair. He looks slightly more disheveled than he does in class, his tie is losened and his hair is falling from its usually neat, half-up-do. You can't help admiring his looks even though he appears tired and unkemt it does not distract from how handsome he is. He gestures for you to sit and you walk over to the chair opposite him. For a moment he is silent just standing over you from across his desk before he moves to take a seat.
"Do you know why you're here Miss y/l/n?"
You nod silently.
"Now I don't usually call my students in to talk to them, at this age you are all responsible for yourselves, but I just couldn't keep watching this happen." He reaches for a clipboard sitting on his desk. "In the last class test you scored a resounding 34% and in the one before you scored 39%. In first semester your grades never dropped below 75% but then this semester you can't seem to score higher than 40%. What happened? I've also noticed you haven't been engaging much during lectures, you always seems restless and distracted".
You sit listening to him, you can feel your stomach turning with guilt. You can't help but feel that he knows what you're doing. What if he can tell you're doing this for attention, for his attention.
"Miss y/l/n?" his words pulling you from the anxious thoughts filling your head. "What is the reason for this sudden drop in marks?"
"I-" You stutter trying to make up an excuse "I've had a lot going on in my personal life recently and it's made it hard to concentrate on school... But i promise I'll get my grades up again"
"Oh really?" He stands and walks over to the other side of the desk.
There it is. He knows. Oh God he knows what you've been doing. Or maybe he doesn't? Fuck stop overthinking this..
He leans himself against the desk looking down at you "Well how can I be sure that you're going to be able to fix this issue, hm?
You stare down at your lap in silence. You can feel his gaze burning against your skin. His presence is so intimidating but it only adds to his attractiveness.
"Miss y/l/n it really hurts me to see such a bright, young, student wasting all their potential." He brings his hand to your chin and lifts your face forcing you to look up at him "wasting all their talent for just a little bit of attention."
Your face goes bright red. "I- what do you mean.."
"I know what you've been doing. I've noticed the looks in class miss y/l/n, the way you can't seem to focus, too distracted by..." he lets go of your face and walks back to sit in his chair. He leans back crossing his arms over his chest. "If I were to give you what you wanted would it bring your grades up? I can't have you bring down the course average over your silly little act". You sit in shocked silence unable to comprehend what exactly is happening.
"We both know what you want Miss y/l/n and what I want is for one of my favourite students to pass this course, understand?" You nod, gulping nervously.
"Come here" he calls you to him and you start to stand. "Uh uh. Crawl." Your heart stops, body frozen, just staring at him in shock. You slowly start to drop to your knees, embarrassment flushing your face pink. On all fours you crawl under his desk to sit on you knees beneath him looking up at his tired but slightly amused expression. You can feel a strange fluttering feeling in your stomach as you wait for him to speak.
He gestures to his belt "Open it." With shaky hands you reach up to undo his belt, unbutton his pants and slowly pull down his zipper. He moves a hand to let his cock spring free, it's impressive length standing before you. "Go on then, show me how hard you're gonna work to get those grades up."
You feel your stomach flip. This is what you fantasized about for so long but now you're actually here and you can hardly handle it. You reach up to wrap a hand around his length and pump it a few times before slowly running the tip against your tongue. He lets out a deep sigh as he closes his eyes and leans back in his chair. You take this as a sign to keep going. You stroke the tip while running your tongue up his length before taking him in your mouth. Your throat has to adjust to his size before you can start bobbing your head up and down at a steady speed. He lets out another sigh as he tangles his hand up in your hair. You pick up your pace, hollowing out your cheeks as you work with both your mouth and hands since you don't think you could take all of him in your mouth at once. His breathing has become heavy and aggressive. He grips the hair already tangled in his hand. "Hands behind your back. Now." You follow his orders. As soon as you do he uses your hair to force your face down on his cock 'til you feel it hit the very back of your throat. He holds you there until your eyes start to water "Come on, take it all like a good slut. This is what you wanted isn't it?"
His cock stretches out your throat making it hard for you to breath, tears start to run down your flushed cheeks. He pulls out for a second but just as soon as you manage to gasp in a breath he's back in your throat now thrusting himself in and out still with a firm grip on your hair. Tears flood your eyes and spit pours from your lips and all you can hear is the awful, lewd, sounds coming from you own mouth being abused by his cock.
You start to feel his cock twitch and he slows his thrusts to a stop. He has himself all the way down your throat and you can tell hes close. He releases his load in the back of your throat and you swallow instantly. "What a good cock slut, swallowing it all without being asked. You deserve a reward."
Before you can even recover he pulls you up, flips you over and has your front pressed up against his desk, his body holding you in place. "I bet you enjoyed that, didn't you?" He reaches a hand up your skirt to run a finger along your clothed slit. "Yeah you did, look how wet you are just from choking on my cock." He pulls your panties aside exposing your soaked cunt. He teases you running a finger up and down your slit gathering up your slick causing you to let our a soft moan. He brushes against your clit causing another moan to escape your lips before he pulls his hand away lifting to your mouth. He puts his slick-coated finger in your mouth before instructing you to suck. You clean off all your juices from his fingers and he rewards you with a low whisper of "good slut" before he kneels behind you. With you still bent against the desk he once again runs his middle finger along your folds before he slowly dips into you moving slowly in and out at first before speeding up, finding your sensitive spots with ease. Just as you start to feel that familiar feeling build in your stomach he brushes his tongue against your clit. He swirls his tongue in circles over your sensitive bud and you start to feel yourself falling over the edge. Just when you think you can't take anymore he curls his fingers up at the perfect angle to hit your sensitive spot and you soon start gushing around his fingers. You instantly slap your hand over your mouth to keep the whole building from hearing your climax. He works you through your orgasm and just as you start to come down he's back lapping at your cunt like a wild dog all while speeding up his steady fingers working at your bud. You don't think you can take much more of this. You keep your hand over your mouth to muffle your moans but he can still hear some of those lewd sounds escaping you.
"Careful slut. Dont want the whole building to know what a dirty whore you are." With that you are making a pretty mess all over his face this time. He laps up all your juices like a starved man. You turn your head to look at him. He's wiping your juices from his face with the back of his hand, a smirk plastered on his face. "You really got off this hard to me calling you a dirty whore? Pathetic. I expect better from my favourite student."
Before you really have a chance to catch your breath he's lining himself up with your spent hole. He has you pressed up against his desk as he slowly slides himself into you causing you to let out a loud moan that you just couldn't contain. At this he claps a hand over your mouth, pulling you up to him with his other hand around your throat. "Shh shh shh. Now Now sweetheart. The door isn't locked, and we don't want someone to walk in because you couldn't keep your slutty, little mouth shut now do we?" You shake your head. "That's right. Good Girl." He holds your body against his choking you gently as he starts to slowly thrust into you from behind. It feels so good, he fits you so perfectly. You knew this was wrong but how can something so wrong feel this good. It was better than all those nights you played with youself with your toys imagining they were him. You didn't want this to end.
He starts to pick up the pace of his thrusts and you can't help yourself from moaning. As you let go of that sound he brings a hand down to slap hard against your ass "Every time I hear a sound come from your mouth thats another slap, got it?" You nod, eyes watering from the mixing of pain and pleasure. He moves his hand from your mouth and pushes you onto his desk holding you hands behind your back, his thrusts keeping their steady speed. He leans down to whisper in your ear "Look at you taking your professors cock like a little whore. What would someone think if they were to catch us right now hmm? I bet you've been dreaming about this, haven't you?" you stay silent too distracted by the pleasure clouding your head "Speak slut!" He commands. "Y..yes daddy" you mutter out. "Daddy? You really are a perverted little thing aren't you baby? I wanna hear that again." He lifts your leg onto the desk allowing him to thrust deeper, hitting the perfect angle. You arch your back releasing a loud moan that echos through his office. "Oh my god FUCK please faster daddy please." He moves faster, thrusting hard into you hitting your sensitive spot with expert precision, you can feel that familiar knot building in your stomach. "Fuck I'm gonna cum, please daddy please make me cum!" His thrusts never falter as he moves a hand down to play with your neglected clit. He runs messy circles over your clit while perfectly nailing your g-spot. The knot in your stomach finally comes undone and you feel yourself gushing on his cock. He speeds up to chase his own high and is soon filling you up with his hot seed.
After a minute he pulls himself out of you to fall back into his desk chair. You lay on his desk catching your breath before you feel him start to tongue your messy hole. "Making sure it stays deep inside you so you remember who had you crying out calling them "Daddy" while bouning on this cock."
After a minute he finishes and slaps you on the ass one last time before you compose yourself and gather your things to leave. As you're about to leave you hear him call out to you "Miss y/l/n?" You turn to him. "I will be expecting to see an improvement in your grades from now on, but if you are having any trouble be sure to stop by for.. some private lessons."
lil angsty but maybe where Hotch ends his relationship with reader bc of “protocol” and sadness and yearning ensures for the next few weeks, until he confesses he’s scared of not being the best man for her!! if not that’s ok💗💗💗
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader
A/n: keep sending in blurb requests, the ones I am getting are so good and I am loving the creativity!!
It had been weeks. Weeks of silence, of longing glances, of trying desperately not to cry in front of him.
Weeks of him avoiding you, of him trying not to look at your sad eyes, of trying so hard to convince himself it was the right choice.
Weeks since he had broken off your relationship.
He had stated that "it was against protocol" and could ruin both of your careers. You had just stood there as he grabbed all his stuff from your apartment and walked out the door. Leaving you.
You hated it. You really hated feelings this way.
Because the excuse was half-assed. Meaning he just probably didn't want to be with you, but didn't want to tell you that.
You sit at your desk, glancing up at his office every now and then. His brow is furrowed, his hand gripping a pen so hard it could snap.
Emily and Morgan notice your staring from afar and begin whispering.
"We've got to so something." Emily says looking back over at your sad gaze. "Their heartbroken."
"I dont know what happened. They seemed so happy." Morgan responds, but he stands knowing exactly who to go to to find out what happened. One Penelope Garcia. It for sure would work, as you told her every little thing.
And when they find out, they are bewildered. The reason for breaking the two of you up, was the worst one they ever heard, and they marched right up to Hotch to tell him that.
"Can i help you two?" Hotch asks as they enter his office.
"Yeah man. You can get your head out of your ass.", Hotch looks up shocked at Morgan's words.
"Excuse me?" He says, setting his pen down and staring down the two agents.
"What Morgan is trying to say is, protocol is the stupidest excuse I have ever heard in my life. She loves you and if you don't apologize or tell her you love her. She, I don't know how much more she can take." When Emily finishes, Hotch was already standing, his hands resting on his desk.
"That is none of your concern." He barks out.
"Oh yes it is." Morgan argues back. "She, she's talking about leaving the BAU Hotch. She asked Garcia for transfer papers." This caught Aaron's attention, and before either agents could say another word, Hotch was out the door, at you desk asking to speak with you in his office.
Morgan and Prentiss scurried out as you walked in, head down.
"Is there somethin I can help you with sir?" He flinched at the name, but knows he deserves it.
"Are you leaving the BAU?" He asks and you look up shocked, but then you nod your head.
"I can't do this Aaron. Not when I am completely and utterly in love with you." You pause, wiping away a tear. "You're breaking my heart." You whispered that last part but he still hears you and he steps forward grabbing your hands.
"Sweetheart, im sorry." His voice cracks and you squeeze his hand, knowing he needs to tell you something.
"I-I'm scared. I'm so so scared." He whispers as a tear floats down his cheek.
"Of what Aaron?" You ask, your voice soft and full of love.
"Of not being enough for you. You have so much life to live, and I'll only drag you down." He hangs his head in shame, but you take your hand and cup his face, making him look at you.
"Aaron Hotchner, you are more than enough for me." You lean a little closer, a breath away. "And you are the only person I want to spend this life with. The only person who makes me happier than I have ever been before." You press a kiss to the end of his nose and a sob releases from his chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid." He mutters as tears roll down his cheeks. Your surprised by the amount fo emotion he is showing you right now, but your not complaining. "Please forgive me? Take me back, please Y/n?" He begged bringing both his hands to your face.
"Of course I will Aaron. I love you." You murmured before kissing his softly, softer than you ever have before.
"I love you too" He says against your lips as he deepens the kiss.
All the chat was full with “hello” and other things, the blonde boy smiled while humming a little bit the song, vibing.
-well well, guys, girls, anything, today! we gonna do some things, all random, wich means that-he pause the music for a little bit-i can play miinecraft, i can do lore, i can watch videos, i can do irl vlog, for no reason!-he puts the music again-so, what should i do...
Now for two hours Tommy was just playing minecraft while cursing in bedwars, but now it was just a terror game whit Tubbo and Ranboo, yeah full of screams.
-HOLY FUCK-he screams as the murder was chasing him-NO NO NO NO
-RUN TOMMY, RUN-Tubbo screams while watching him for afar
Ranboo was just laughing at this point
-AAAAAAAAAAH HELP MEEEEEEEEEE-he run more but the murder got him and he die- FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
After some time the boys decide to end the game and just chat for a bit, till Tubbo recibe a text
- OH SHIT, Y/N IS HERE!-Ranboo watch as Tubbo jump with happyiness
-WAIT REALLY?-Tommy screams and just claps very hard
-y/n? is the guy that you guys always talk about?-Ranboo says feeling kinda confused.
-YEAH! AND HE IS HERE, DAMN I NEED TO WATCH HIM AGAIN-
-WAIT WAIT WAIT, ASK HIM IF HE IS OKAY WITH VLOG-
The chat was just spamming “vlog pog?! “ “y/n supermacy” and other things
-wait let me ask him-theres was a little bit of silence-YEAH! He doesn’t mind!
-Do i look good?-
-Ranboo you wont take our best friend-Tommy says with a “””serious””” tone
-OKAY BOYS, JUST HURRY UP TOMMY, HE IS COMING HERE-
-SHIT, OKAY CHAT, I WILL END STREAM BUT I START AGAIN WHEN I GOT THERE, SE YAA-he turns of everything and fast brings all his things
-AAAAAAAH HE IS HERE-
-oh hello there!-the voice of Ranboo while he was watching the guy
-SHET, IM GOING THERE IN A MINUTE, YOU BETTER WAIT-Tommy “angry” voice was the last thing before he mute
-um, hello?-Y/N enter to the place
-YEEEEEEEEH-Tubbo hugs him almost making him fall
-hello-Ranboo says waving a little bit
-TuBBo!-you hug the male and you see the other guy-sup
-Tommy is gonna be here! he vlogging-
-so you know this guy but for the internet, Ranboo-Tubbo looks at Ranboo-
Ranboo is not someone of juding someone but, you looked kinda scary, not to be mean but you seem like the kind of guy that hits someone like daily basis
-hey big guy-you smile and all his fear dissaper, now you are nice
-hey big/small guy-he says laughing a little bit
[after some time]
-OKAY BOYS IM HERE AGAIN WITH THIS MAN-Tommy shows you’re face and you laugh
-he scary-Tubbo says laughing
-shut-you hit Tubbo friendly
-”scary dog”? i dont know, i really dont think that chat-Tommy says while looking at you
-i mean, i do woof woof but i dont like to bite-you laugh a little bit with the joke
-oh but you will-Ranboo says with his glasses and mask
-yeah, why not-you smile
-HAHA, thats kinda true-Tommy says worry
-yeeeh, short story? people being mean and me being angry-Ranboo looks at you scared
-angry Y/N is scary Y/N-Tubbo laughs
And yeah, the time that you hang out with them theres no much people around, mainly because you are scary but you dont bite, yet.
warnings: teasing, makeout session. have fun, im posting the rest later. hehe
“How did you find me?” you looked over at the person sitting next to you and sighed resting your head on your knees, looking at them.
“I saw you leaving Vinnie’s house. i followed you here. do you always come here or did you just get lost in the mist of things?” Jett said as he looked out to the city of lights.
you looked back out at the view of the city, “My dad used to take me here when i was younger. said this was my moms favorite place to come when she wanted to clear her head. this is where they made love for the first time and where my dad asked my mom to marry him. it’s like your classic love story.” Jett nodded and you both at there in silence.
He was the first to break the silence, “So Vinnie told me what happened. Don’t get upset with him. that girl, she’s obsessed with Vinnie. has been trying to for years to get Vinnie to date her but he just denies her every time. you have nothing to worry about so just get out of your head.”
you sigh and shake your head, “No, i’m over him. he didn’t even try to push her off. it was like he was enjoying it.”
“He wasn’t, trust me. Her father is his drug trafficer. He is the one who ships Vnnie the drugs. Again, shes been trying for years to get with Vinnie. Please, give him a chance to explain.” he looked at you.
“I already gave him a chance to prove himself. To prove he is this nice person everyone says he is, but he just showed today, that even if girls throw themselves, like literally throw themselves at him, he wouldnt even flinch. He didnt even push her away, Jett. how can i trust him now and we arent even together, then when we are together? I shouldve never given him a chance. He had one and he ruined it. Its not my fault.” you sighed and stared out into the city lights. It started to get dark as the sun was setting.
“If i cant convince you to give him another chance, then i guess ill just go then. But just please consider it y/n? He really likes you and would do anything for you.” he pats your shoulder and stands up, “And dont stay out here all night, coyotes like to walk around here at night.” he walked back to his car and drove off. You sat there for another hour just thinking. Maybe you should just give me a chance to explain himself, as to why he didnt move her. You got up and stretched out your arms and legs and walked to your car door getting in. you looked at the time and realized you had to be at work in two hours. You sighed and drove home to get ready. You phone started to ring, you took it out of your pocket and answered it, “Hello?”
“Y/N?! Finally you answered! I have been trying to call you for hours!” Nai said.
“Sorry, i didnt have my phone on me. Whats up?” you pulled into your driveway and parked the car.
“We are slammed at work! Kevin needs you to come in early! When can you get here?!”
“I just got home. I can be there in 20 minutes.” you got out of the car and walked to the door.
“Alright ill let him home. Bye love you!” she hung up and you walked into the house. You were to busy on the phone you didnt see the person in front of you, and bumped into their back.
“Woah, shit sorry.” you looked up as the person turned around, it was Vinnie. You blushed and looked at your dad who was standing in front of him.
“Where were you? And why werent you answering your phone? Vinnie came here looking for you saying you just drove off from his house and werent answering anyone.” your dad frowned at you as you walked past them both.
“None of your business where I was. Not like either one of you cares about me anyways.” you walked to the stairs as you felt someone grab your wrist stopping you. You turned and saw Vinnie looking up at you.
“Y/N, please let me explain.” he looked at you with pleading eyes.
“I shouldve never given you a chance.” You tried to hold your ground and then shook your head sighing as he was looking like he was about to cry, “Fine, you have 10 seconds because i have to get ready for work.” you pulled your hand away from his and crossed your arms on your chest.
“Penny means nothing to me. She is just..one of my friends daughters whos been trying to get with me for years. I dont like her like that, at all. Shes came to see me today because i owed her father money and he sent her to pick it up. She got on my lap and was trying to seduce me. y/n, when you walked in, i didnt know what to do. I-I was in shock. I shouldnt have let her sit on lap. I didnt even touch her, she was touching me. Im sorry okay? Please forgive me. Please?” you stared into his eyes, as he talked to you to see if he would show any sign of him lying, but it looked like he was telling the truth. He had something about him that made you just want to forgive him. To grab him by the face and kiss him as if your life depended on it.
You sighed shaking your head, “I cant believe i am about to say this….but i believe you. But, that doesnt mean, im not still mad at you because i am. I will accept your apology, but you are going to have to prove yourself even more now. That you can and will stay loyal to me even though we arent together yet.”
He smiled a little at you and nodded, “Yes y/n, anything to get you to forgive me.” he was a simp for you. He would literally do anything for you just to be with you. You knew that, you could tell. He was this big, scary, mean guy on the outside, but on the inside, he was your little bitch. It was like you were his boss and he was your bitch boy.
You leaned in and kissed his cheek, “I have to go get ready for work now.”
He smiled at you, “Can i bring you? Im was going there anyways to see you.” he blushed a little.
“Yeah, you can help me pick out an outfit.” you turned around and walks upstairs to your room as he followed you. You walked into your room and he shut the door behind him looking around your room.
“So this is where all the magic happens.” he smirks and sits on the end of your bed looking at you as you pull clothes out of your closet.
“Oh yeah so much magic.” you said sarcastically. You threw the clothes onto the bed next to him and you started to get undressed. He stared at your body as you wear a matching lace black lingerie set. He bit his lip as he leaned back on his hands staring at your tiddies as they were almost popping out of your bra. You were looking at the outfits you laid out on the bed and was debating which one to wear. You could see Vinnie in the corner of your eyes looking at your body. You wanted to tease him a little, so you sighed and turned around swaying your hips as you walked back over to your closet looking at your clothes. You heard him groan slightly from your bed as you smirked at yourself. “Vinnie, should i wear a skirt or leggings?” you bent over looking at your heels to see which ones you wanted to wear as you heard him moan a little as you now just completely exposed yourself to him.
“A-A skirt would look h-hot.” he studdered, trying to gather his thoughts together as he started to grow rock hard in his pants. His face was a light pink as he grabbed a small pillow off of your bed and put it on his lap to hide his raging hard on. You stood up grabbing your knee high boots and you turned around looking at him. He was holding the pillow close to his lap, his bottom lip tucked in his teeth, his curls covering his eyes as he hung his head low, his cheeks a light pink. You smirked and walked over to him putting your boots on the bed. You touched his chin with your thumb lifting up his head so he was looking at you. You pulled his bottom lip out of his mouth and ran your thumb across it. You both looking into each others eyes and you smirked a little as you moved the pillow off of his lap. You looked down and he was covering his hard on with both of his hands, he blushed hard, his face turning red. You looked back up at him and straddled his waist as he moved his hands from his crotch and put them on your hips, putting your ass right on his covered cock. You licked your lips and looking down at his. They looked so soft and plump. You wanted to kiss them so badly, you ran your thumb across his bottom lip again, your voice barely above a whisper as you leaned in close, your lips almost touching, looking at him in the eyes as he looked back at yours, “I think I’ll wear a skirt tonight.” you smirked and pulled away from him getting off of his lap grabbing your clothes and walking to your connected bathroom and shut the door locking it. Vinnie sat there. He was trying to process everything and he was so far turned on by you, he couldnt understand what just happened. After a few minutes he shook his head and stood up from you bed fixing his pants, trying to hide his dick that was poking at his pants. He turned when he heard your bathroom door open and he groaned throwing his head back when he saw you.
“Why are you doing this to me?” he groaned and looked at you.
“Doing what? Im trying to get ready for work. You ready to go?” you smirked as you could still see his hard on. (1)
“Just wait until i get my hands on you, you are going to regret you did this to me. Lets go.” he walked of your room mad and walked downstairs to his car trying to avoided your dad.
For the rest of the night, while you were at work, you were teasing Vinnie to no end. He was sitting at the end of the bar as you were stuck bartending the whole time with Larray. Everytime you past by Vinnie, exiting the bar you would touch his hand or run your hand over his shoulders. You saw his face and he was getting more angry at you by the minute. It finally slowed down and you could take a break. You walked over to Vinnie and turned his chair so he was facing you and you got between his legs and rubbed his arms, as he was leaned back in the chair slouted a little, “Whats wrong Vin?” you pouted as you rubbed his shoulders.
He looked at you and frowned, “You know whats wrong, dont act all innocent now. You know what you are doing.” he leaned forward towards you as he got close to your face, “I wanna kiss you so fucking badly right now.” he whispered to you as you smirked.
“Then kiss me.” he grabbed you by the back of the neck and pulled you in, crashing his lips against yours. He forced your mouth open, his tongue sliding into your mouth as you moaned into his. Teeth and tongues clashing with each other as you tried to keep up with his movements. You pulled away from him and he growled looking at you, his eyes just dark lustful orbs.
“Why did you pull away? Too much for you to handle?” he smirked at you.
anon requested: maybe i'm just in a silly goofy mood but can you maybe do something where the reader (gender neutral) is blipped instead of bucky ?? not a whole 5 years but like just enough for him to yearn for them ? like describing it ? and the reader is eventually blipped back or something idk i'm writing this on the spot 😅
warnings: depression, mentions of suicidal thoughts.
a/n: this is just an angsty drabble. i didn't feel like writing something happy, so i um. didn't really .. write a happy ending ??? IM SORRY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME.
anyways, for some reason, i thought of the song "Daylight" by Joji, so of course i started off this little drabble with some lyrics <3 also i included a bit of "26" by Paramore, if any of you were wondering.
"And I've been a hero, helpless, I'm in hell."
The song pumped through Bucky's earbuds and wove its way into his soul, feeding into the despair that was consuming him. He sunk into the couch and wrapped the blanket tighter around his body. He was a Bucky Burrito, all snuggled up in the blanket he'd taken from your bed.
The hours turned into days, and the days into months. Time was so fluid, so abstract that Bucky couldn't tell the days from each other anymore. They all blended together in one big lump of depression, a heavy, dark depression which made weakened his spirit.
"Buck, hey," came a familiar voice. A large, warm hand came to rest on Bucky's forehead, taking his temperature. Bucky knew that warmth. It was Steve. He pulled out his earbuds and stopped the music.
"Have you eaten today?" Steve said in a voice as soft as your blanket.
Bucky groaned in reply, refusing to open his eyes.
"Bucky," Steve said, firmer this time. "I'm worried about you. Can you please talk to me?"
"Don't wanna," mumbled Bucky, unable to ignore Steve.
Steve sighed and sat on the floor in front of the couch. He ran a hand through Bucky's hair gently, soothing the winter soldier's nerves. Bucky's muscles began to relax, but Steve's touch, though pleasant, just wasn't the same as yours.
A heavy silence followed before Steve asked quietly, "How's your mind, Buck?"
Bucky chose his next words carefully. "It's worse than anything HYDRA has ever done to me."
This stunned Steve, revealing to him the depth of the love Bucky felt for you. Steve knew his best friend was in deep, but not that deep. Steve was unsure if there was anything he could say to make Bucky feel better.
"It hurts so bad, Steve," Bucky whimpered, leaning into Steve's touch. His broken voice reflected his broken heart. "Some days, I can't even open my eyes. I just wanna sleep and never wake up."
"You're going to be okay" was Steve's immediate response.
Bucky frowned. "How do you know that, Steve? How do you know I'm ever gonna feel okay again, knowing that y/n's gone?"
Steve didn't have a response to that. Instead, he just continued stroking Bucky's hair. The silence was beginning to become deafening, so Steve hummed an old 40s song under his breath. A song only he and Bucky would know.
Bucky appreciated this sentiment, but the song only made him feel worse. Every song reminded him of you, because behind every piece of music is passion, and that was the basis of yours and Bucky's relationship. Everything you and he did together had a purpose. You were so driven toward each other that you were practically inseparable. Always laughing loudly, making jokes, dancing, singing. And in the quieter moments, just holding each other and listening to each other's heartbeats. Every time your heart thumped in your chest, Bucky fell more and more in love with you.
He missed your smile and your warmth, the taste of your lips which reminded him that home was never just a place; home was wherever you were.
And now that you were gone, Bucky was left with a sick, dark void in his chest that he couldn't even begin to explain. God, it hurt so much. Worse than losing an arm, worse than being the subject of HYDRA's experiments, worse than losing a battle. Losing you felt like the end. The end of what, Bucky wasn't sure. But there was a looming sense of finality that crashed over him, whispering to him, telling him to do Bad Things. He hadn't had thoughts like this in ages; they went away when you came into his life. Now that you were gone, he was beginning to contemplate —
"Stop thinking about it, Buck," Steve said abruptly.
Bucky opened his eyes automatically, blinking against the harsh light streaming into the living room.
Steve seemed to have read his mind.
"How do you know what I was thinking?"
Steve just smiled grimly. "I just know you, Buck. Been a while, hasn't it? Since those thought came back?"
Bucky was silent for a moment. "I can't remember the last time I had them."
"I know," Steve nodded. "Me too."
Bucky looked at his best friend in surprise. "You —?"
Steve nodded. "They're inescapable. But you can't let 'em get the best of you. You're stronger than that, Buck."
"I don't feel very strong."
"Doesn't mean you're not, though," Steve pointed out.
Admittedly, Bucky had indulged in those Bad Thoughts, feeding into them and only exacerbating his depression. But there was this little inkling of a hope — a hope Bucky wasn't ready to let go of just yet — that wondered if there was a way you would come back. He hoped that someday he would be able to see your face again, to hear you ramble on and on about your favorite things, to kiss your lips and hear your moans and trace patterns against your naked, moonlit skin while you and he laid in bed together talking idly about everything and nothing at all.
He was too in love to let go of that hope just yet. In fact, Bucky's love for you was the only thing keeping him alive at this point.
Steve leaned his head back on the couch, looking up at his friend's face. "I'm always here for you. You need to talk about anything, you come to me, alright? Nobody should have to go through this alone."
Despite the pit of despair eating away at Bucky's soul, he smiled. He actually smiled.
"Till the end of the line," said the winter soldier.
Steve smiled back and stood up. With a kiss to his best friend's forehead, he headed off to the kitchen to prepare a meal for Bucky.
Bucky exhaled, and a huge weight seemed to have left his chest. He put his earbuds back in and hit play on his playlist, listening to a young woman sing, "Hold onto hope, if you got it. Don't let it go for nobody."
He closed his eyes and let the words travel up his spine, drain into his blood, and find their way into his heart where he kept you safe and sound.
Characters : Rosaria,Beidou,Yoimiya,Bennett,Razor,Chongyun,Xingqiu
Plot : "It's either they found out or your courage helped you confessed,it still beautiful..."
Note : I hope these are enough for the long-awaited request! (Sorry if there's rushed writing)
You were waiting at the Cathedral's doors,waiting for a certain Cyro user while taking few deep breaths and exhaled them in order to calm yourself for what about to happen.
After knowing and being close to Rosaria like no others, you felt certain warm feeling everytime she's sitting next to you at the tavern (despite she's being a Cyro ) and your eyes just instantly see her piercing eyes that cant help,but admired Rosaria.
"It's late..Why are you still outside?"
Your breath stucked in your dry throat as you slowly turned around and she's just standing there, probably just came back from her night work. The wind felt a bit cold tonight but you can felt your hands sweating but now or never..
"You know today is Valentine Day,Rosaria.." you told her and she gave you nod to let you continue. "So,I want to give you this" she looked at your hands to see a fancy box with a love letter written confessions of your love for her.
You looked at her and noticed soft blushes on her cheeks with soften gaze on you. She accepted the gifts and took your hand gently.
"I accept this confession.How about I walk you home tonight, [y/n]?I want to make sure my partner safe home"
"I can smell love in the air" exclaimed the captain of Crux Fleet happily after a chug of her drink with beautiful grin. Her crews cheered along with her and laughter filled the night sky of the sea with the ship now having a party for their brave captain Beidou. You cant help but smiled when see your crew mates enjoying their time together.
Beidou is a brave woman that you admired more than a close friend. She saved your life from almost drowning and from there, you became part of her ship family. You not a heavy drink but spending time with Beidou with deep conversations really bonding both of you.
You now staring at the distance of the calm sea of the night with a box in your gloved hands,enjoying the smell of salty sea and sound of water. Until you felt a presence next to you
"The party is really good!Thank you,[y/n]" thanked her with her usual happy smile that never failed to take your breath away. "Glad you enjoy it,Beidou." you replied but you noticed her eyes looking at you with admiration and you felt your chest filled with your hearbeats.
"I need to tell you something..I want to confess on how you brought lights into my life and always included me in your adventures that made me feel important. Today, I want to say that.. I have feelings for you and I love you" you confessed with nervous voice tone with your eyes closed tight.
"I know that,[y/n]" she replied with a laugh that made you looked at her with red cheeks. "Im not dumb,'kay? I will be more than happy to have you be my side in my adventures so what do you say.." you felt a warm kiss onto your forehead from Captain Beidou herself that made the loud party just vanished.
"How about a date when we arrive back at the harbor?"
"Thank you for helping me today, [y/n]!" said Yoimya with her usual cheerful smile on her face. You carefully put down a box of preparations into a shelf and turned to her with a relief smile. "You already helped me with important things and I'm just returning the favor" you replied walking to her before closed the door carefully. She wiped the sweats from her forehead before both of you sat down onto the grass. She begun to talk about her days as usual while your eyes staring at her,listening in silence.
You cant remember how both of you met but you always cherished the time you spend with her. From watching the fireworks side by side to her helping you out without complaint. Like fireworks, Yoimiya never failed to brighten your days despite the usual days at Inazuma. Your heart slowly beating to see her cute smiles and how her eyes lighten when talks to her customers. The image of her happy be by your side making you falling deep and deeper..
"Do you want to watch special fireworks with me soon,[y/n]?" you looked at her smiling face and nodded. You knew what today was and you've decided to do what you already planned.The plan came quicker but you cant stepped back now. Both of you were sitting next to each other, admiring Yoimiya's fireworks that always looking so beautiful. Splashes of colorful filled the sky and now was the time.
"I like you,Yoimiya- / I like you, [y/n]!-"
Both of you looked at each other in shocked and laughter filled the air between you as the fireworks making the scene more special. For the rest of the night,your hand holding hers tightly, not planning to let her go anytime soon.
You looking around the Windrise for your best friend,Bennett but you cant seem to find him anywhere. Both of you decided to do little adventure around the historical tree for today but you arrived and decided to look for him. "He said he will be here early" you mumbled softly before sat down under the shade of the tree to rest.
You still remembers the first time you met with the only member of Benny Adventure team. You was a new adventurer and you thought to yourself how to endure and survive outside of the wall of Monstadt alone without any companions. What if you suddenly feeling homesick and it might the end of your dream to explore outside.Katherine sympathies the face of the new adventurer and in the right time, Bennett came in and invited you into his team which consists of...him.Alone. Feeling relief with the cheerful guy around your age, both of you set off to adventures together. Even with constant bad luck which always made both of you ended up injures and bruises, you convinced him that being chased by Hilichurls was a part of exciting moments which brought smile to his face.
"Im.. Im very sorry, [y/n]..Something happened in my way here just now" explained Bennett with nervous rubs on his neck but you told him it was okay. He took a seat next to you and started telling you about what happened in his way here. Apparently, one of his dads asked him to help with something. You nodded and thought to yourself how bright Bennett's green eyes were when he's talking about things he likes. "By the way, today is Valentine Day, my dad said to me just now" Bennett changed the subject and sent a smile to you. You nodded and took out a folded letter and gave it to him and let him read your little confession. "W-wow..You like me too,[y/n]?" replied him with red blushes on his cheeks. "Of course,Bennett!" you replied happily before felt him hugging you tightly.
"Lupical.." said Razor sitting next to you on a log at the Wolvedom. Both of you met few minutes ago while picking up berries for your mother. You actually took the task happily since you haven't see Razor in a while. You always looking forward to meeting him, maybe you had a little crush on the wolf boy.
He saved you from wolves from another place before and you helped him with hunting for his wolf family. He's like your only friend and talking to him in the wild just really calming to you.
"Berries..taste good.," confessed him while looking at you with his red eyes after finished a berry from your basket. "It is,Razor.I will bring more for you in the future,okay?" you replied and he nodded understand. He always talked about his day of hunting whenever both of you met and it's always exciting to hear from him. "Bennett said today..today is special day" he said but you can see him confused about what today was. You remembered something and took out a small gift for him. "It is Razor.Here, a gift" you lend it to him and chuckled when he sniffed the box before muttered 'smell sweet'. He opened it and put staring at the bite-size chocolate with curiosity but when see your genuine smile, he nodded and taste the chocolate. If he has a tail , it might be wagging happily because of how his eyes lighten up. "Chocolate.Sweet.Razor likes it," said him with happy voice tone.
"I like you"
You accidentally blurted out while he's eating made him changed his gaze on you. Blushes crept to your cheeks and you quickly turned away to hide your red face. After silence, Razor's hand touched your shoulder made you turned to look at him. His other hand was on his chest with light blushes on his cheeks matching his red eyes.
"Razor likes [y/n] too.."
Your eyes just watching the young exorcist singing his heart out with red face. Xingqiu just smiling behind his book and Xiangling was gone,probably searching for water. 'Must be another Xingqiu's prank,' you thought to yourself before walking closer,trying to help to calm down the situation. Xingqiu noticed you but kept silence.
"[y/n]!There you are!" shouted the Cyro boy before ran to you and caught you in tight hug. Well, he is wielding a claymore. You met him because of your interests in ghost hunting. You've gone to multiple adventures with him and always encourages him about his abilities. After a while,you cant help but take liking in him and his passion. And you sure someone must noticed that.
"Chongyun,what happened? You look extra hype today," you asked him even you knew what actually happened. You shot a glare to a boy while the boy that hugging you just pulling you close and nuzzled on your neck made you blushed. "Can I ask something?~" asked him with cheerful tone which unusual. You let him continue and he looked into your eyes and even in this state, his eyes still as mesmerizing as always. "If I say that I have feelings for you,will you return it?" he whispered without shame and your face just turned incredibly red. "Answer me, [nickname].."
"I-I...Yeah, I will return it,Chongyun.."
"Officialy mine!" he shouted happily with you blushing mess and Xiangling came back with cold water.
"Plan success" whispered Xingqiu with a pat to his back mentally
"That's such a good book" said Xingqiu with a satisfied smile on his face. You nodded while sitting next to him. Both of you just sitting somewhere in Liyue after returned the books you both borrowed. You listened to him talking about his favorite story with full attention, liking him even more. You nodded to let him know you are interested in the topics.
Both of you met in the bookstore,going to borrow the same book from your both favorite writer. From there, you always meet at the same store and started to be good friends. Chongyun knew you and happy to see another new friend.
You actually talked to the exorcist about your little crush for the book lover before this and he just encouraged you to confess on the upcoming Valentine Day. But, you scared to ruin your precious friendship with Xingqiu.
"My liege,I overheard something before this actually" you lifted your face from the ground and looked at him that's smiling with glint of teasing in his eyes. "Yeah?" He fake coughed and looked at you. "I found your love letter yesterday" he said with a proud smile. "Love letter?" you asked nervously pretending you didn't know what he's talking about. He smiled and tucked a hair behind your ear. He started teased you with 'just tell me~','Come on~","wow~".
"Fine,yes!I like you,Xingqiu-"
"See?It's not hard~" he teased with a smile. You just glared at him but you know,something will bloom from this.
I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕
You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..
I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..
I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?
Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..
Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw
I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.
Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country
I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.
I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani
They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.
But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that
I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..
Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry
One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make
Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..
But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe
At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day
Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier
I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh
I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry
So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow
Based on the song I spent the entire day listening, more specifically these lyrics: “We can sit on the edge of your bed. Tell me all of the fears in your head. And I'll sing you your favourite song. 'Til the pain and all the tears are all gone.” (My Love Won’t Let You Down - Little Mix)
Fanfic, gender neutral! reader
Fluff, bit of angst for the flavor.
Tw: SPOILERS, Shang-Chi being upset by his father, comfort? Idk? Crying? Mentions of injuries (but it’s a bruise and a small cut), established relationship, use of Y/N (IM SO SORRY), Freddie Mercury slander (don’t worry. I love him so it’s all in good nature)
Summary: After Shang-Chi got attacked on the bus, he spends the night beating himself up over it. You’re there to comfort him until he finally calms down and falls asleep.
“You okay in there, babe?” You asked through the door.
Shang-Chi had walked into the bathroom about an hour ago, claiming he needed a shower. But the water had stopped running forty minutes ago. You figured he wanted some privacy, but forty minutes was a long time.
The day had not been going according to plan at all. This morning on the bus, you got attacked by strange men. Shang-Chi had already explained to you what had been going on beforehand, but he never really wanted to get into it. And you respected that, but the day just forced a lot of new questions out of you.
Neither of you (nor Katy) had been plagued with big injuries. Sure, there were a few bruises, and a new cut decorated your cheek and right forearm, but that was it. It wasn’t even that serious.
But you knew Shang-Chi longer than today. He would beat himself up over it.
“Can I come in?” You tried again, knocking on the door softly. A moment of silence settled afterwards, followed by a quiet “I’m not clothed yet.”
“Is that a lie?” You questioned, already reaching for the doorknob, but not yet twisting it.
“Not completely.” He answered again, honestly.
You sighed at his words, gently leaning your forehead against the door.
“If you don’t want me to come in, can you tell me so?”
No words were spoken in response. You brought your head back at the silence, now twisting the handle. As the door opened, you saw Shang-Chi sitting in the shower, only a towel wrapped around his waist.
You brought a sympathetic smile upon your face and neared him slowly.
“You should close the window or you’ll catch a cold.” You remarked, closing the bathroom window on the way before sitting down in front of him on the wet tiled floor, your pajama pants clinging to your legs in response.
“Does it hurt?” He asked after a while, looking at your injured arm, the bandage obviously showing under your t-shirt.
“It’s only a small scratch, don’t beat yourself up about it.” You reassured. His face, however, still showed worry, an expression near guilt.
“You know, one time, I burned my hand against the metal in the oven trying to grab my croissant. That hurt way more than this.” You tried to soothe, lightening the tension a little.
Still, no words were heard from him, causing you to frown.
“Besides, I can take a hit. I fall down the stairs in this flat all the time.” You attempted to comfort once more.
“The bandage makes it look way worse than it actually is.” You resumed, justifying your words.
When your boyfriend remained quiet again, you sighed in frustration. You understood his situation and the fact he might wanted to be alone, but it felt as if you were talking to a wall.
“Can you at least try to talk back?” You wondered gently, grabbing his chin and pointing it towards your face, instead of on your arm.
“What do you want me to say?” He asked defeated.
“Explain to me how I can comfort you.” You began, “Even if it is only for a few minutes.”
“I don’t know.” Shang-Chi admitted, tearing his face from your hand.
You nodded in understanding, before standing back up, leaving the bathroom. Shang-Chi stared at the open doorway, afraid he’d somehow sacred you off or angered you. Obviously, he was upset, but he never intended on making it your problem.
Yet, before his thoughts could get the best of him, you entered the room, this time with his pajamas in your hands. You folded it neatly, placing it on top of the toilet seat.
“At least get dressed.” You tried, showing him a tiny smile before disappearing again, the door closing behind you.
Shang-Chi followed your order, slowly standing up and getting into his clothes. On no less than a minute, the bathroom door opened again, revealing Shang-Chi, who defeatedly walked towards the bed. You ran up to him, quickly wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. If he would not tell you how to help, you’d just try everything you could.
And it seemed to work for a short moment. Two stronger hands followed your lead, wrapping themselves around your body, holding you closer. His head rested on top of yours as your fingers gently traced figures on his back.
And that was all it took for him to finally break; his eyes began to water as one of his hand reaches for your hair, brushing it in comfort. The tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, his hands slightly shaking as his body seemed to hold you even closer as if it had been natural. You just shushed him at his state, gently swaying from side to side, attempting to soothe him.
“Your father’s just an asshole.” You noted. “He’s trying to get inside your head again.”
Shang-Chi just hummed shakily, silently agreeing on your words.
“But you kicked his ass today. Not directly, but, you know….he lost today.” You attempted, simultaneously trying to assure yourself of your words too.
“He took mom’s necklace.” Your boyfriend whispered in between sobs, not breaking away from you.
“Then we get it back.” You mumbled.
“You want to steal from a centuries old man?” Shang-Chi wondered, his head raising slightly.
“Technically, we are not stealing. We’re taking something back that was stolen from us.” You explained, stepping away from his hug, yet keeping your hands in his.
“We can’t get it back, Y/N. You don’t steal from him.” Shang-Chi advised, shaking his head as one of his hands tried wiping his tears away.
You formed your lips in a thin line at his response, knowing he was right. Instead of talking back, you took his hand, leading him to the edge of the bed, before letting him sit down on his own, his legs dangling from the surface. You reached for the warm cup of tea you made while waiting on him, handing it to him.
As he took the cup, you grabbed a fresh t-shirt, wiping his tears off completely before planting a soft kiss on his lips. As you returned the shirt, a thought appeared in your head.
“We should at least warn your sister.” You stated. Shang-Chi frowned at your words, blowing on the tea slightly.
“They’re coming for her next right? You might not get your necklace back, but let’s prevent her losing the same precious item.” You remarked, smiling at the idea, not yet grasping the consequences.
Your boyfriend did not respond to you, instead taking a sip of the tea. You sat down beside him, your head leaning on his shoulder.
“I wish we could go back to two days ago when everything was still normal.” You admitted. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”
You laid one of your hands on his thigh as the second one supported you from behind.
“What scares you the most?” You whispered silently, knowing it was a sensitive subject. Yet, your answer came quicker than expected.
“Losing this.” Shang-Chi testified. “Losing the comfort of this apartment. Losing safety and privacy. Losing this every day life.”
He then looked down at you, resting his free hand on top of the one covering his thigh.
“Losing you.” He answered honestly.
“Well, you won’t lose me.” You assured, smiling at him, grabbing his hand and leaving a kiss on top of it.
“I won’t leave you. I promise.” You spoke, entwining your pinky with his before squeezing it gently.
Then, finally, a comfortable silence followed. You smiled at it slightly, happy to have soothed Shang-Chi in the slightest way. You hummed contently, unconsciously resurfacing an older song buried somewhere in the back of your brain.
Yet, your boyfriend seemed to relax at this, setting down his cup of tea before wrapping his arms around your waist, lifting you in his lap as his head found the crook of your neck, burying itself in it.
“Are you really humming ‘Love of my Life’?” He mumbled in your neck, giving it a slight kiss.
“Maybe.” You answered, your hands resting on top of his, flying with his fingers.
You resumed your humming again, the effect on it doing wonders for the mental state of Shang-Chi.
“Love of my life, can’t you see?” You sang in a mocking tone, your voice higher than it should be, laughing slightly during the lyrics.
“Bring it back, bring it back. Don’t take it away from me,” you resumed, smiling at the chuckle your boyfriend uttered against your skin. “, because you don’t know, what it means to me.”
“Don’t ruin a perfectly good song.” Shang-Chi tried, his worries momentarily slipping his mind.
“You don’t like my Freddie Mercury impression?” You asked, nearly insulted, yet happy knowing his mind was somewhere else now.
“Don’t disgrace him like that, please.” He pleaded, squeezing your sides gently before resting his hands on your lap again.
“You will remember, when this is blown over,” you proceeded jokingly.
“Stop.” Shang-Chi ordered, his face lifting now.
“, and everything’s all by the way. When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you,” you resumed, ignoring your boyfriend’s statement.
“I will stop being all sad if you just shut up.” He admitted.
“, how I still love you.” You sang, stopping after the lyric, turning around in his lap to face him. His hands now rested on your hips, his facial expressions more relieved than earlier.
“Are you done?” He questioned, tilting his head to the left slightly.
“I still love youuu.” You finished, your voice falsely high, mocking Mercury’s falsetto.
Shang-Chi tickled your sides briefly, making you shriek, stopping your singing.
“Go to sleep.” He commanded, lifting you before throwing you down on the bed, climbing towards you.
He lifted the covers for you, laying down under them himself too. You smiled in relief and joy, following his lead before cuddling up to him, your head resting on top of his chest, listening to his now steady heartbeat.
“I will only go to sleep if you do too.” You stated.
“And what if I don’t?” Shang-Chi challenged.
“I’ll start singing ‘Somebody to Love’.” You deadpanned, looking up at him, planting a kiss on his cheek before laying your head back on his chest.
“Fine.” He sighed, his arm wrapping itself around your waist as the other one found your hand, rubbing it softly.
“Thank you.” He disclosed. “I love you.”
You grinned at the words, cuddling up to him closer, simultaneously making him hold you a bit tighter.
“I love you more.” You whispered.
“That’s up for debate.” Shang-Chi mumbled.
“Close your eyes and sleep.” You commanded, doing the same thing yourself. Before either of you knew it, you had both drifted off to sleep, content in each other’s arms, happy to have each other’s comfort. And at the moment, that was all that was important for Shang-Chi. Reality could wait another day.
firstly ik ik, i said i would upload this like months ago but uhhh .. anyways hope you all like this .. this is NOT proof read heh
prompt : aezuha confessing to reader during a study session after school + thoma & lumine cameo ( mihoyo if u dont give me thoma on his banner i will riot <33 )
warnings : fluff , slight (??) angst ( mostly for aether’s part ) , slight pick me energy ( in aether’s part )
genre : friends to lovers ( fav trope , in future fics you will see this trope often :D )
characters : kazuha & aether
[ 1. kazuha !
being kazuha’s friend was hard. well, it was actually very easy, the part that’s hard was hiding your feelings for him. especially with how many compliments he often gives to everybody around him.
whether it’s because he’s bored or he’s reciting his newly written haikus, he’ll usually be complementing you. at first, you thought he was actually interested in you but after a few weeks of him continuously complimenting everybody near him, you started to realize he didn’t feel the same. though that broke your heart, you decided that you were content with being his friend.
but it was getting really tiring these days. his compliments had become more present, him not even greeting you with a “hi” anymore and instead with another one of his complements. it was getting harder and harder trying to convince yourself that he was just being himself around. the day that you finally snapped was when he was over to study for an upcoming exam.
“you’re so pretty when you’re focused.”, he said it so nonchalantly, as though it was a fact. having gotten used to his spur of the moment compliments, you ignored it. though the butterflies in your stomach were hard to ignore.
“mhm” “did you do question 25? i can’t seem to figure out the answer.” after a few seconds of silence, you looked at him confused as to his lack of reply.
“i like you.”
you lock eyes with him, shocked. you just stare at him, waiting for him to smirk, for him to laugh and say “you fell for it didn’t you”.
but nothing else came out of his mouth. his eyes searching yours, waiting for any sign of a reaction. waiting for words to come out of your mouth. but you said nothing.
“is this a rejection?” his face saddened a little and that brought you out of your state of shock.
“no, i just..” another few seconds of silence.
“are you joking kazuha, because if you are-” suddenly a hand came up to shut you up.
“i’ve been flirting with you for all of the school year, what made you think i didn’t like you?”
taking his hand of your mouth, you said “kazuha, you were flirting with everybody else. i thought you were just being you.” after a few seconds of silence your brain finally fully comprehended what he had just confessed.
“WAIT YOU LIKE ME?”
because of your sudden outburst, kazuha looks at you with a face of confusion and endearment.
“yea, i said that like a few minutes ago, why is your brain only comprehending that now?”
that shut you up completely, the embarrassment making you lower your head in shame.
“nevermind that. i have a question for you, raise your head.”
slowly you raised your head, afraid he would see the furious blush covering you face. he took your head into his hands and looked at with the most serious expression you had seen on him.
“do you like me the same way i like you? because i really like you, way more than a friend. i mean i also like you as a friend but i would love if we could be more. if not thats-”
“im going to ask you this and please answer truthfully. don’t say yes just because you don’t want to hurt my feelings. ok?”
nodding your head, you saw him take a deep breath in, a slight blush appearing on his face.
you cut him off by engulfing him with a hug, causing him to slightly stumble back. nuzzling your face into his neck. you stayed like that for a while.
“kazuha, i like you too. alot.” after saying that, you could feel him hold you a little tighter.
[ 2. aether !
you had been lumine’s friend before you had become friends with aether but over time you became best friends with both of them, and the three of you started hanging out. when lumine found out of your feelings for aether, she’d at first felt betrayed. not because you liked aether but because she found out from your mom. she felt saddened by the fact that you didn’t feel as though you could tell her something so important.
she ignored you for a few days, not because she was mad at you but mad at herself, but moved on and decided to help you get with him. the plan started out with first trying to get to see if he liked you too, lumine would talk about you around him, see if he would react a certain way. once that failed, lumine decided to try a different approach.
at first you were hesitant, feeling as though this approach wouldn’t work. but after a few minutes of lumine convicing you, you decided to give it a try.
you’d get thoma, a new transfer student from japan who you’d gotten close with, to act as though he was intrested in you. thoma being the nice guy he was, was more than happy to help, excited to finally be apart of something in the school and no longer the new guy.
“thoma, i swear, you are actually a giant. you’re so tall, how is it possible?” adding a laugh after, you slightly cringed, knowing that you didn’t even like tall guys that much.
“im not tall you’re just short babe” the babe suprised you but you quickly went back in character, acting as though you were blushing, you lowered your head.
“im not your babe, atleast not yet..”
“yet? so you’re planning on it huh?” thoma said that with a smirk and you could tell he was about to break character and laugh. looking around quickly for aether, you quickly ended your conversation with thoma.
“hey aether, are we still on fo-”
aether quickly walked past you and back to class. confused you stood still in the spot you had been, wondering what was wrong. had something happened at home? maybe he was missing his father again?
all day, aether continued to avoid you. he still talked to you but every conversation was cut short once he dismissed you with a “sorry, im busy right now.”
it left you confused and conflicted. this happened sometimes, and whenever you tried to talk to him about it, he ignored you even more. you’d as lumine if she could talk to him but she said she had no success either.
once school ended, instead of walking home together like you did every single day, aether left without you and lumine. that told you that what ever he was going through was big and it only made you even more worried.
going to his house made your nerves skyrocket, and your thoughts of why he was ignoring you became worse and worse. what if he had found out about your feelings for him? what if lumine had told him? she wouldn’t do that to you, but she also couldn’t keep a secret, especially from her twin brother.
knocking on their door, you felt weird. this had probably been the first time in years that you had knocked on their door. you had been over so much that you had your own key.
“hello, oh hi y/n! why’d you knock?” being greeted by their mother made your nerves lessen.
a polite wave and a short conversation later, you were now in front of his room. you felt a need to knock but chose to just walk in. not wanting to made this even more weird and awkward.
“hey aether?” looking around his room, you spotted him on his bed, all his workbooks ready to go.
“i see you’re ready, just give me a se-”
“wait one second first. i want to” a short pause as he got up from his bed and walked over to you “tell you something. something i’ve been holding in for years that i thought would go away but obviously hasn’t.”
“oh. uh, go ahead then.” with a slight smile and quick breathe to calm yourself down, you let him walk you over to the bed so you were sitting face to face.
he took a couple seconds to calm himself and give himself a short quick pep talk, telling himself it’s now or never.
“i don’t know when this started exactly, it might’ve started when i first met you, or might’ve started when you first comforted me when my dad left. maybe it might been that one time you puched the guys that had been bullying me.”
you smiled a little, remembering the fact that you had gotten detention but the smile aether had given had made it all worth the punch.
“i don’t really know about the how or when,” another short pause, except this one felt like it went on for hours “but i do know i really like you. like on the verge of maybe even loving you.”
after that your brain exploded. that wasn’t what you were expecting. he took your silence as rejection. “i don’t know what i’d do without you so please don’t stop being friends with me. i know you and thoma have something going on so i’ll let you get a couple days to yourself. i promise i will never bring up my feel-”
this time, you interrupted him with a hug, you could already hear the ramble he was about to go on and decided that a hug would shut him up.
“you absolute dummy. i’ve liked you this whole time too.” with the biggest smile on both of your faces, you hugged eachother like you were two lovers meeting again after years of being apart.
a night like tonight is exactly what is wrong with this company. three hours?! to guys that can barely walk? oh, respect, listen, listen, i am not--i am not bewildered, i know exactly that the generation before me paved the way, but when the hell are you gonna let me walk on that path? guys like drew gulak, akira tozawa, myself, all of retribution, not on the show, why? because we need to hear “whatcha gonna do, brother” again for the seven millionth time?
[but did you hear the cheers when--]
YEAH, they pumped ‘em in REAL GOOD, the cheers, they pumped them in real good for them, huh! yeah, they were cheering, i’m sure they were. why don’t you give us a chance? people that can contribute to this business, further this company, but no, no no no no no, let’s push them all aside, let’s give threeeeee hourrrrs to people that need--that can barely walk!
[...the reason they can’t walk is because they had such successful careers in years past. they put their bodies on the line to--]
to do what? to further the industry. to allow this industry to grow. they paved the way, they carved a path. when do i get to walk on that path? and for anyone that doesn’t understand what i’m saying it’s not because i’m talking fast, it’s because you’re listening slow. this place needs change, and i am that change.
my assignment partner left for one second to get more coffee and i immediately abandoned our paper to check tumblr and pet my cat </3 don’t trust me with anything we scheduled an all-nighter and i keep getting distracted by the most random shit ever
hewwo babs sorry I’ve disappeared off the face for a few weeks, I’m back home home in PST now, so I’ll be slooOoowly crawling back to writing & vibing on this hellsite!! i miss u all so much n thank u for being so patient with me and letting me scream and run for the past while (〃￣ω￣〃ゞ
before there was evil, there was the criminalization of the mentally ill. before a proper trial could be held at the age of twenty-one, there was punishment. before the boogeyman, there was a boy sentenced to living death. smith’s grove: where patients are, first and foremost, prisoners.
michael was not treated; he was subjected to a regimen of psychiatric control meant to render him docile. his antisocial tendencies were not addressed as much as they were simply repressed. after all, loomis never intended for him to see the light of day. why socialize an animal who will forever be chained to a cage? would treatment have changed anything / could it have prevented a potentially inevitable outcome? who can say.
programming in smith’s grove was particularly dismal for michael, who was subjected only to the techniques of loomis. loomis, who studied him rather than treated him / loomis, who relied too heavily on the use of psychotropics to keep michael in a state of pseudo-zombification. so he adapted, learned, and resisted. loomis was not afraid of him, but the other staff were. pills went missing / syringes were returned to locked cabinets as full as when they left. who could tell? michael embraced his living catatonia over the years, patiently biding his time until the right moment to strike. he became comfortably numb, living an existence in which he was incapacitated –– by thorazine, by the tomb in his own mind, and sometimes by both. loomis wanted michael to lose himself in order to keep him docile … and lose himself he did. but in losing himself, he only grew closer to the evil lurking beneath the surface. prison does not make people better. PRISON MAKES PEOPLE WORSE.
how can i see myself when i am always with me. how do i know myself. say no to mirrors; they can only enumerate me or make me one. i am not like that. i am not myself or the other. i am in no state at all.