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#And an actual delight
moongothic · 1 month
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I had a dream last night where I was in like... some kind of a video game and/or competition, where the contestants had to explore an area/level, going room to room and figure out the way to the next (the rooms would sometimes loop back to previous rooms, almost like a Spyro level), and eventually find a secret treasure that was hidden somewhere on the level
And I found the secret treasure, somehow! Not that the contents of the treasure were a secret, it was going to be a magic potion that either... God I can't fully remember, I think it was either going to turn you immortal (or something else, I forgor) or turn you into a dragon, one of the two. I had been hoping it'd be the former, but alas, drank the potion immidiately after finding it and it was the dragon potion. Wasn't particularly happy about it but it could've been worse. To be more specific the potion gave you the ability to transform back and forth so it wasn't like you got turned into a dragon forever, I was now a dragon-shapeshifter. Which was still kinda cool
But man, what really got me was how cool the dragon design kinda was. Like, it was like a bipedal vaguely humanoid dragon, completely white. The body had like the same soft shapes as Toothless does (with chonky hands and feet, like Megaman lmao) but the head was more like that of an iguana or a komodo dragon... I dunno man it was cool as hell, I really loved that design
The dream continued from there on because there was still like shit to find and things to explore on the level (and places only I could now reach because I could fly! Wheee) but I can't remember anything, like the plot of the dream has left my mind, all that remains is the neat dragonsona
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quibbs · 19 days
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just had SO much fun with the fallout tv show... i love you missus okey dokey
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infernal-lamb · 4 months
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Searching your eyes for the saint is an act of futility
something that's just been on my mind recently!
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egophiliac · 6 months
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this is basically what happened, right?
(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)
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#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#these two are SO sleazy and i am utterly delighted by them#can't wait to find out their tragic backstory in approximately 3-4 weeks!#fortunately i have like a month to figure out how the heck to draw their hair (spoiler: i will never figure it out)#also. god. i love it whenever leona accidentally reveals his Mom Side.#he doesn't care about any of this but he WILL be tagging along to make sure no one else gets into trouble#once again he has to be the Responsible Adult and he hates it. the whimsical hat weighs heavy upon his head.#anyway this is me so excuse me while i now talk about diasomnia for three hours#but lilia being all 'kids gotta have some adventure in their lives!' is hilarious#specifically because you know silver would NEVER.#100% silver not only never snuck out but he always went to bed on time AND brushed his teeth AND flossed even when nobody made him.#lilia: aww but you should be enjoying your youth! >:c#silver: i am. i enjoy being respectful and disciplined and honoring you as my father.#lilia:#lilia: maybe i'm TOO good at raising kids#you know i was going to say none of his kids would be involved in this but i actually think malleus definitely would#he would not see it as a moral quandry though. he would just be excited to be invited along.#(the only reason he isn't there is because he was busy admiring a termite-infested beam somewhere and yuu didn't get a chance to ask him)#i mean MAYBE if lilia as his single authority figure told him no then he would have some reservations#but lilia's the one who's screaming HELL YEAH LET'S SNEAK OUT AND DEFY AUTHORITY while dabbing so moot point there#sebek would never and he would rat on everyone else. unless malleus is going in which case he's already there.#and i guess if everyone else is going silver probably would too#but he'd. y'know. feel conflicted about it.
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elfcollector · 5 days
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I think I need to go to camp for a while. Be alone. Scream at the sky.
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satelliteduster · 1 year
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oh my god i forgot to post my absolute favorite strip from gay comix (issue #2, 1981)
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dekariosclan · 2 months
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*Gale, joining his mother and Tara for tea, brow furrowed as he reads a scroll titled ‘Idle Champions Information’*
Gale: …Tara. You handled delivery of my correspondence to this organization, did you not?
Tara: Indeed I did, Mr. Dekarios.
Gale: Mmm. *looks up, frowning* May I ask why my age is listed incorrectly?
Tara: Oh, is it? When they asked, I told them you’d been alive for 35 years, Mr. Dekarios. That is how long we’ve been together, after all.
Gale: Tara! I hardly summoned you from my baby bassinet! I was 8 years old at the time!
Tara: Well yes, but can we truly describe your years without me as being ‘alive’ Mr. Dekarios? Were you truly ‘living’ without your delightful companion, Tara? I think not.
Morena: *patting Gale’s hand* I’m sure it will be fine, dear. I doubt anyone even noticed.
Gale: Gods! I certainly hope so, otherwise everyone’s going to think I’m some sort of shallow—
Withers *walking into the room with his own copy of the scroll, pointing at Gale’s age with one skeletal finger*: Ist thou kidding me?
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nerdpoe · 2 months
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3 Fanon ideas to make a prompt from :)
1). Ectoplasm is Lazarus Water but purified
2). Ghosts can retreat to their cores
3). Protocore Jason AU
Danny has to retreat into his core, Jason somehow finds him and absorbs it. It looks like Jason is pregnant as his own ecto is being purified and then given to Danny's Core.
Enjoy:)
This is a full prompt, though? Okay I'll write mpreg. Gonna bypass that "looks" and make it an "is" though, throwin in some reincarnation and trans Jay.
~~~~~~
Jason was doing one last round before he left for Gotham. Before he left to prove a point. To teach Bruce a lesson he'd never forget.
He wasn't sentimental, no, he was just checking to make sure he wasn't forgetting any sickass weapons that may have fallen behind a dresser or something.
"Todd," a small, imperious voice demanded from behind him. "Observe my new pet rock."
Jason sighed and stood up to humor the little demon.
The kid was holding a weird glowing, cracked orb. It was radiating frost, and Damian had to use cloth between his hands and the magic stone.
"Damian," Jason started, keeping his voice level. "Where did you get that?"
The kid sniffed with all the superiority of a spoiled brat, looking proud and holding the obviously enchanted stone higher.
"Since Grandfather and Mother say that animals as pets would be a weakness, I decided to search the lesser treasure room for a suitable inanimate pet."
Jason sucked in air through his teeth in a soft hiss. There was no "lesser" treasure room; there was the "safe" treasure and the "unknown" treasure. Where was Talia when he needed her?
"Look, kid, I don't think-" Jason started, reaching for the weird rock, just as Damian started pulling away.
"-You are jealous that I have this rock and you do not-"
"-Damian, please, just hand over the fucking-"
"-Cease your attempted theft this instant-"
"-Damian come here you little shit-"
Jason tripped. Damian tripped. The weird rock went into the air...and landed on Jason's chest. It melted into him with a sharp flash of pain.
And that was that.
Damian stared at Jason's stomach, aghast.
"You stole my rock!"
By the time Talia arrived to see what was keeping Jason so long, he and Damian were rolling on the ground biting each other.
~~~~~~
Months later, Jason was beyond ready to murder the newest Robin. He'd originally planned to just beat the shit out of the kid, but he'd been having a rough time.
He was losing his carefully crafted abs.
He was getting soft.
Normally that was whatever, but he was trying to be intimidating, and being soft in any way was definitely going to trigger the dysphoria he thought he'd outrun.
It made no sense; he worked out daily, had started eating on a caloric deficit, drank nothing but water, and made sure what he ate was home-cooked.
Then, one month before go-time with Timmy, he'd started getting nauseous.
He felt bloated, tired, hungry, and most of all; pissed.
As he stalked through the Tower that the newest Robin was hiding in, he may have, perhaps, let the millions of small annoyances pile into one big rage filled pity party with a kid as the target.
It really didn't help that he hadn't been able to don his replica of his own Robin costume, because he...he had pudge. He didn't fit in it.
It was infuriating.
He knew it wasn't little TimTams fault, but he was gonna take his rage out on someone, and the kid was the unfortunate closest person he had beef with.
Was he overreacting? Probably.
But it was lash out or cry, and he refused to cry.
On top of everything, the one thing that had helped with any of the symptoms, the extra purified Lazarus Water that Talia had given him to 'act as an emergency first aide', was gone. He'd drank it all.
With that supply out, he was.
Well.
He was going to kill little Timmy, fuck the consequences.
But little Timmy was...doing a very good job of staying completely out of sight. The kid had been acting far more neurotic than he normally did, only letting out a small gasp when he'd seen Red Hood and immediately darted into some sort of weird hidey hole.
Jason hadn't been able to find him since.
The kid had added his own gopher network to the Tower, fuck.
The speaker system crackled on, just as Jason was about to start laying down bombs.
"Red Hood, please consider your condition. Do not do anything that would raise your blood pressure, or uh..." the newest Robin's voice trailed off, keyboard audibly clacking as he looked something up. "...Or eat peas? No, that can't be right. Whatever, look, just stay calm, take a breather, and don't overstress yourself. It's not good for the uh. The second...yeah. Not good. Do not do. Why am I so dumb sounding when it comes to things like this? Shoulda gotten Steph..."
The kids voice trailed off as he berated himself, but Jason was too busy fighting off the horribly dawning realization of what the kid was saying.
Which couldn't be true, because there was no way for the kid to know, and Jason hadn't had sex in...well. Years.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jason gasped, thanking his past self for putting the vocoder in his helmet. It sounded far more threatening.
"Oh. Uh. During one of your fights with Batman, you got glanced by something sharp, and there was a little blood. Don't worry though! I didn't tell Batman! I just wanted to see if I could figure it out on my own! So I ran your blood and now I...know. That was actually probably like, really invasive. Sorry Jason."
Jason knew the fight the little Bird was talking about. He'd had a random wave of vertigo, barely dodged a batarang. He'd had to do his own stitches afterwards.
"...You know? Know what?"
"Okay, I should clarify. I didn't tell Batman, but I kinda needed help scrubbing everything, so I had to ask Oracle to help, so she knows, and she couldn't keep it from Nightwing, because he's felt super guilty about how he treated you, but Batman definitely does not know."
Jason sat down on the nearest chair, feeling like the wind had been ripped from his sails. He took the helmet off and dropped in on the ground in favor of running a hand through his hair.
"How can you be sure B doesn't know it's me?" He rasped, staring at nothing.
"Because can you imagine he'd leave you alone for a second if he knew you were alive, much less up the duff?"
Jason had nothing to say to that. Either Ra's had been up to some fucked up experiments while he'd been asleep, or he was the victim of miraculous conception.
The newest Robin was rambling over the speakers, but Jason ignored him and held his head in his hands. The glowing orb flashed through his mind, and Jason didn't even have the energy to curse Damian for doing stupid kid shit.
He was just thankful that the kid hadn't been a viable host.
"Tim, shut up. Do you have an ultrasound machine here?" Jason interrupted, steeling himself. He was an adult sort of, one year before it was technically true, and he could freak out later.
It was time to do adult things.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Why? Has your gyno not done one yet?"
"Don't have one, didn't know. Where is it?"
"...I probably should have broken that news to you like, way softer."
~~~~~~
Jason was...pulling back. His criminal empire was still growing strong, and he was making a shit ton of money from it, but he was pulling back from actively provoking Batman.
As much as he wanted B to be the one to kill the Joker, he knew that the older man probably wouldn't do that, and Jason wasn't going to risk getting anywhere near that maniac while he was pregnant.
Batman had certainly noticed the change in behavior, but whenever he tried to intrude into Crime Alley, Nightwing or Robin would intercept him.
Jason.
Jason wasn't sure what he wanted to do about Bruce.
Dick was slowly earning forgiveness for his pas actions, piece by piece. Tim was surprisingly good at being supportive, and Jason's hatred for him was starting to wear away to the realization that this was just a kid.
Oracle, whoever she was, had apparently designed the best security system in the world and quietly renovated an apartment into a safehouse, just for him.
He hated the charity, but it was better than what he could make at the moment with how many enemies he'd gained.
As the months passed by, he found himself hiding away in the gifted apartment more and more.
The dysphoria was...bad.
There were no more mirrors in the apartment.
The kid, which the ultrasound confirmed they were, was a small one, thank fuck. His belly had popped out, true to most pregnancies, but it was relatively contained.
It was still enough to make a horrible sense of wrongness almost knock him off his feet every time he looked down.
He was, essentially, useless.
If it wasn't for the trio of well-meaning extended family (maybe? he had his suspicions about Oracle), he probably would have just laid down on the floor of his apartment and not gotten up.
Tim, surprisingly, had adopted some stupid Alvin Draper alias and was running his crime network in his stead. He was doing a concerningly good job, actually, and Jason and Dick had exchanged more than one worried glance over the kid's head.
Dick had moved in, citing that Bruce was getting suspicious and it was easier to pretend that he'd moved back to Gotham than it was to continually make up excuses. In reality, he was making sure Jason didn't lay down and rot, keeping him active and healthy.
Jason was...trying. He was trying. But between needing to stop HRT and the changes and his fucking voice and just. Everything. All of it.
He hated it.
But he still wasn't sure what he wanted to do with the kid.
Dick and Tim had set up a nursery, just in case. Dick had also surreptitiously reached out to the Kents, also just in case. There was no judgement. If he decided to keep the kid or give it away, it would be well taken care of.
That should have been a weight off his shoulders.
But instead, he felt like he was getting worse.
He was so, so fucking tired. He was starving but he couldn't stomach the food Dickwing put in front of him. He had worked so hard to build his criminal empire, but when Tim tried to tell him about it he couldn't focus long enough understand what was being said. He knew that they were getting more and more concerned, and when he woke up one morning and vomited straight Lazarus Water, Tim snapped.
"I'm calling B."
"Tim, no, we can-"
"-No, Dick, we need to figure out what's going on! This isn't something Leslie can handle, we need Bruce!"
Maybe it was just something buried deep inside Jason, but he agreed. He wanted his dad, not a doctor. He didn't care about Tim's reasoning, he just. He agreed. He wanted Bruce.
"Do it," Jason rasped from the floor, leaning into the cold tile. "Get B."
~~~~~~
Jason was still on the bathroom floor when a set of far, far heavier footsteps paused at the doorway.
The wood from the doorframe creaked as whoever it was tightened their grip on it.
Their breathing stuttered. They swallowed.
The footsteps continued, and they knelt next to Jason, wordlessly running their fingers through his hair.
"Hey Jaylad," Bruce whispered, voice tight and controlled even as his hand shook. "Looks like you've got a bit of a situation. Wanna tell me what happened?"
"Got knocked up by a magic rock," Jason muttered, thoroughly enjoying the hand in his hair. "But it ain't going right, and I'm tired and hungry all the time, and I'm throwing up the Lazarus Pits."
"The magic rock info is new," he heard Tim mutter from the hall, right before he was forcibly shushed by Dick.
"Did you have any weird cravings? Any symptoms that don't normally match a pregnancy?" Bruce asked, keeping his voice calm and controlled even as he lifted Jason from the floor and into his lap. "Should I get Constantine on the phone?"
Jason let it happen, turning to hide his face from the shitshow that had been his life for the past six months and shoving it into Bruce's stupid fancy shirt.
"Had Lazarus water. Drank it. I'm hungry but I can't eat anything. I can hear the kid chirp sometimes."
"Like a bird? That's adora-"
"-Shut up Dick not now!"
"You shut up!"
"You...drank. Lazarus Water." Bruce repeated, voice stilted as he clearly started working through something in his head. "I....hm. Okay. I'm...I'm going to call Constantine." Jason couldn't help the snort at the clear distaste in Bruce's voice as he said that.
He expected Bruce to put him down and go get changed into his Batman kit.
He did not expect Bruce to adjust his hold, lean back onto the cabinets, and make the call then and there.
~~~~~~
Constantine was officially unofficially his doctor for the duration of his pregnancy.
That was not something that anyone wanted, Bruce especially.
Jason wanted to throw up and aim it at the Hellblazer, but he had a feeling the man had been covered in worse and would, at best, be unfazed.
At worst, tempted to just smear it on Jason to prove a point.
The Mage of the hour himself was hovering over Jason, eyes unfocused as his glowing hands rested on the despised baby bump.
Jason was laying on the couch, trying not to let the sound of Bruce's pacing drive him up a wall.
"That," Constantine started, head tilting as if he was listening to something. "That is a core. And a baby. And another core. Two Ghost Cores, two bodies. If you're meetin' the needs of the physical, and you're still havin' issues, prolly need to see to the spritual, love."
"Don't call him love," Bruce warned, pausing his pacing long enough to glare at the Mage.
Constantine didn't bother to acknowledge him.
"Don't suppose you've got any spare Lazarus Water lying around, eh?" The man asked instead, eyes refocusing as he removed his hands from Jason's person.
Jason shook his head, but Tim nodded his.
Everyone stared at Tim.
Tim shrugged.
"What? It's under the city. Not like anyone will miss it if we take some."
"How. Tim, how do you know that?" Dick asked, sounding a little scared.
"Because I found it? I tried throwing dead rats in it but it doesn't work on rats, so I tried larger dead animals that had gotten down there-"
"-B you've raised Dr. Frankenstein," Jason groaned, covering his eyes from the realities of a mad scientist little brother.
"But I'm not an undead being stitched together?" Tim asked.
"You uncultured swine," Jason snarled, practically throwing himself into a sitting position and was quickly met with Constantine trying to wrangle him back down. "It's common fucking knowledge that Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster, and if you paid any attention in English class-"
"-I'm gonna go get Lazarus Water okay bye!" Tim shouted, bolting for the door.
~~~~~~
Jason drank his fifth juice pack of Lazarus Water, finally starting to feel like himself again, and stared at Bruce.
Bruce, to his credit, was clearly trying very hard not to stare back.
Jason imagined this was rather hard, given that he couldn't stop fucking purring. Apparently, that was a Thing that his body could and would do, according to his unofficial doctor.
Dick and Tim were helping Constantine put the Lazarus Water into the juice packets, all of them desperately pretending that they weren't there at all and trying to be as quiet as possible.
"So, Hellblazer. Nothing to say about the Big Bad Batman?" Jason asked, eyes never leaving said man.
"Not particularly any of my business, mate. I don't really care one way or another."
Bruce actually looked a little put out at that, much to Jason's satisfaction.
"I imagine you have questions," Jason sighed, finishing off his juice pack.
Bruce finally turned to look at him head on, gaze steady.
"They can wait. Do you have any plans for...this?" Bruce didn't motion towards Jason's stomach, but he didn't have to.
"...Maybe. I don't even really know what this is." Jason muttered, sinking further into his chair.
"I told you, love, it's a baby. With a ghost core. It was probably an adult ghost, at one point, but if it was cracked near as bad as you say, it was either reincarnate or disappear." Constantine shrugged, taping another stupid tiny straw to another juice box and moving to repeat the action. "Either way, since it's reincarnation, the baby ain't gonna know tit from tat. 'S just a baby."
That. Damn. If he'd been faced with the same choice, he probably would have done the same thing.
"You keep saying that. What does a ghost core do when it's in a human?" Bruce asked, knuckles white on the couch's armrest.
"Dunno, haven't seen it before. Heard of it, though. Just makes the person powerful, but now sure how much. Flight is definitely gonna be there, though, so I'd ask supes for some pointers." Constantine answered without really answering, true to form for him.
Jason heaved himself up and waved everyone off as they started to get to their own feet to help him. "I'm gonna take a nap. Snipe at each other in here and don't fucking bother me."
~~~~~~
Jason was disgusting.
Alfred and Bruce and everyone else assured him he wasn't, but he absolutely was.
It was so bad he'd gone ahead and, without informing anybody, arranged for an induced labor at Gotham General as soon as he could.
He didn't want to deal with Dick getting scared and frantic, or Tim overplanning and having a mental breakdown, or Bruce's rigid shoulders as he both tried to apologize and do something stupid like take over from the actual doctor.
Alfred would probably be composed, but if Alfred acted a little off then they'd know.
Hell, Jason had started getting some Braxdon hicks contractions and he swore he watched Bruce's hair grey in real time.
So at the eight and a half month mark, Jason lied to everyone and told them he was going to another safehouse to get away from their coddling.
He ignored their objections and reached for the keys to his car-
-and pissed himself.
Or, it felt like he did.
The apartment went dead silent as everyone looked down.
Then the contractions really hit.
~~~~~~
Bruce actually did try to take over the maternity ward and do the doctors jobs.
Jason was delighted to have an excuse to kick him out.
He couldn't force the man to avenge his murder, but he could make him wait in the waiting room like the rest of the peasants.
Alfred he allowed to stay, though.
~~~~~~
Jason still hadn't decided what to do with the kid.
He didn't know if he was gonna send them off to a farm or if he was gonna keep them.
So he let himself hold them, to see if any of the disgust he'd felt during the pregnancy had been directed at the kid or if it was all just him hating how he looked.
The little bean of a child, eyes bluer than his own, proceeded to free one arm to pull on Jason's bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.
Ah.
Nah, the hatred had been towards how he looked.
This one was his, the Kents could get visitation rights.
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maomango-doodle · 2 months
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Jazz puns, am I right?
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Some random doodles
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aimasup · 12 days
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Average morning in the Vees tower
Velvette probably: abracadabra sensory nightmare go
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tennant-davids · 7 months
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OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH 2x05 The Curse of the Seafaring Life
What would you have me do, Captain, to restore my reputation? You can fit in more! Be helpful! There's a lot of things that need doing, I'm sure you could fix something, and... stop pissing people off!
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ghost-bxrd · 4 months
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@atittueball it won’t let me answer your ask directly (I think Tumblr was glitching a bit because of the pictures) so I’m tagging you here!
It was super hard to choose a quote because they were all amazing! Thank you for the suggestions 💚💚💚
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— Amrita C.
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aulerean · 5 months
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Scarlet Pearl is like evil red riding hood. To me.
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egophiliac · 7 months
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What was your favorite of the flashbacks in Silver’s walk?
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the acorn bracelet is VERY good, but I really really love Malleus humming (hummalleus? hummus?) to Silver. especially now that the song has Context. >:) we are in a soup of angst and I'm here with a spoon in each hand and a silly straw that leads directly to my brain.
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hbdttg · 1 year
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Part 1 / tag list below the cut
“I’m quitting,” Eddie declares, “I’m out. Call me a tree, ‘cause I’m leaving. Call me a banana, ‘cause I’m splitting. T-t-t-t-that’s all, folks!” he adds, doing his best impression of Porky Pig’s signature stammering.
Chrissy’s laser focus doesn’t stray from her monitor, even when Eddie bodily throws himself into the chair across her desk with a long, strangled groan. Wordlessly, she raises her left index finger at him in a silencing gesture. With her brows furrowed in concentration, she drags her mouse around on its pad and double-clicks something on her screen before nodding decisively to herself. After another few clicks, she finally lowers her finger, raises her eyes, and meets Eddie’s gaze.
“Would you mind grabbing what I just printed? Please?” she asks, smiling at him imploringly.
Chrissy could ask Eddie to bleach his hair and shave off an eyebrow and he’d do it. She’s actually who he has to thank for landing such a cushy job with HHH—a referral from a trusted associate like her goes a long way in a place like this.
And despite Eddie’s many complaints about becoming a corporate sellout, he can’t deny that it certainly has its perks. The office is only a ten-minute commute from his apartment, the compensation agreement he signed amounted to more money than his last two jobs combined, his benefits package is frankly ridiculous, and he gets to work with one of his best friends in the world. Overall, not a bad gig.
Even so, he makes a show of sighing, loud and longsuffering, before doing as Chrissy asks, leaving her office to grab her job off the printer. Eddie knows she works in HR and some of her stuff can get pretty confidential, so he doesn’t even try to skim the contents of the page as he walks it back over to her.
“Here,” he says, thrusting the paper at Chrissy facedown.
“Thanks!” she says. She makes no moves to take it from him. “That’s for you, actually.”
Curious, Eddie takes the paper back and flips it over. In the center of the page is a graphic of safety sign one might find in a cartoon factory, though Chrissy had edited the original from “[___] Days Since Last Accident” to “[___] Days Since Eddie Last Threatened to Quit His Job”. There’s a big red zero in the counter box.
Eddie tries to glower down at Chrissy, but it’s sort of hard to maintain when she bursts into laughter. It’s been years, but the sound of Chrissy laughing like this, all bright and breathless and unrestrained, never fails to transport him back to his (third) senior year of high school, when they first became friends over a failed drug deal.
“Don’t be cute,” Eddie says with a laughable lack of authority, dropping heavily back down into the chair.
“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Chrissy counters, brow raised archly.
Eddie rolls his eyes, crumpling the page into a ball and lobbing it in between them.
Chrissy lets the ball land harmlessly on her desk before sweeping it into the trashcan by her feet.  “Just so you know, I’ve had that saved on my desktop since Monday—and I haven’t had to edit the days count a single time.”
Eddie scoffs, but it’s hard to defend himself when this current visit marks the fifth day in a row he’s floundered into her office, vainly announcing his resignation. “Yeah, well,” he says weakly, “printing it seems like a gross misuse of company resources.”
“What are you going to do, report me?” Chrissy says with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.
“Let me guess: you’re the one who receives those reports?” Eddie says dryly.
“Yep!” she says cheerfully. “Now, go on and tell me about your latest trainwreck of an interaction with Steve Harrington.”
“Christ, Chris!” Eddie hisses, leaping to his feet and immediately spinning around to check if anyone was around to hear her damning words. The coast is clear, luckily, but he still scrambles to shut her office door before falling back into his chair. “You can’t just go around saying his name all willy-nilly.”
“He’s not gonna suddenly appear if you say his name three times, Eddie. See, watch. Steve. Steve. St—”
“Don’t risk it!” Eddie squawks loudly, cutting her off.
“You’re an absolute mess,” she says through a laugh, shaking her head at him.
And well, Chrissy’s not wrong.
Eddie’s been a mess since Monday morning, when he unknowingly produced, directed, and starred in The Roast of Steve Harrington. He blames his shitty memory for forgetting what floor his new office was on—if he’d known he was sharing the elevator with someone he could have potentially worked with (let alone someone whose surname made up a third of the company name), he wouldn’t have opened his big, fat mouth in the first place.
When he finally gathered the courage to make it back down to the fifty-second floor and show his face at the HHH office, he kicked off his onboarding with Chrissy with a strangled, “I know it’s my first day and I technically just started ten minutes ago, but I quit. Thank you for the opportunity and good-bye forever.”
Chrissy, the traitor, spent a full five minutes laughing in his face over his shamefully recounted story before patting him twice on the head and informing him he wasn’t allowed to quit for at least six months. The overly saccharine tone of her voice alone told Eddie there was no room for argument there.
Still, that didn’t stop him from following her into her office after the all-hands meeting on Tuesday, all the while whining in her ear, “I can’t thrive in these conditions, Chrissy. Please, I beg of you—accept my sincere and humble resignation from this cursed hellscape.”
‘These conditions’ consisted of any rooms and/or conversations that contained Steve Harrington. Eddie hadn’t been expecting to see the guy doting over the catering when he walked into the conference room that afternoon, and he certainly wasn’t expecting his supervisor and trainer, Murray, to lead him over to Steve to introduce the two of them (though that was likely just an excuse to head straight for the sandwiches that were laid out for the meeting).
While Eddie choked on his own tongue trying to spit out some generic, inoffensive greeting, Steve merely watched him with an amused smirk before thrusting his hand out and offering a perfectly friendly “It’s nice to meet you, Eddie, I’m Steve”, as if Eddie didn’t have Steve’s name and face (and stupidly fit body—who the fuck looks that good in a pair of khakis?!) burnt into his memory from the day prior.
Afterward, Murray, who most assuredly did not have a filter of any kind, bluntly commented on Eddie’s awkwardness, then spent the next five minutes trying to determine if it was normal, strangers-meeting-for-the-first time awkwardness, or something more sensational. Eddie stubbornly kept his mouth shut until the meeting started.
Wednesday followed a similar pattern, with Eddie flouncing into Chrissy’s office with a dramatic “I choose to break my blood oath. At this point I’d welcome the sweet release of death if it meant I didn’t have to work here anymore.”
Chrissy just corrected him, patiently explaining that he was employed at-will, rather than by blood oath, and that if he left before his sixth month, she’d personally skin him alive. Eddie had to pause and weigh the pros and cons of being skinless. Surely it couldn’t be worse than his latest exchange with Steve—via email this time, mercifully.
He’d just learned how to field helpdesk tickets and received one from Steve Harrington himself. It was a simple enough software request ticket, so he assigned it to himself and replied with next steps, asking Steve for a code so he could remote into his computer and install the program.
Steve replied back, asking where he was supposed to find the code. It was an innocuous enough question, but then Eddie noticed something a little off about his email signature: his last name was bolded.
Eddie ignored it, assuming it was a stylistic choice—nothing to read into, surely—but then Steve sent another email shortly after to let him know to disregard his last email; he’d found the right app and was just waiting for it to generate a code. This time, Harrington was bolded and at least two sizes bigger than his first name.
Then, in Steve’s third email, sent not a minute later with the requested code, Harrington was bolded, two sizes bigger than his first name, and highlighted yellow—a tactic Chrissy found so hilarious that she had to shoo Eddie out of her office with tears in her eyes so that she could compose herself and actually get some work done.
Thursday was a blessed reprieve from Steve’s unique brand of psychological warfare, but Eddie still somehow managed to royally humiliate himself in front of him. After he slunk into her office and silently pushed a scribbled-on napkin across her desk—
Please accept this letter as my formal resignation from my position as Systems Analyst II at HHH, effective immediately. Effective yesterday. In fact, I’ll pay you back the entirety of my wages earned if we just forget I ever worked here.
—Chrissy tutted at him sympathetically before taking the napkin and reaching over to dab it at the large wet stain on his shirt.
He’d been walking back to his desk from the breakroom when he rounded a corner and bumped into Steve in the hallway. Literally bumped into, bodily contact and surprised yelps and everything. And it probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal, really, if not for the fact that he had a newly refilled mug of coffee in his hand.
“Eddie, oh my god, are you okay?”
No, Eddie wasn’t okay, because he just splashed himself with hot fucking coffee and now Steve Harrington was worriedly fussing over him and tentatively trying to mop up the liquid with his own fucking hands for some reason, and he was embarrassed (and a little turned on?) and he had to get the fuck out of there now.
“I’m okay, sorry, it’s fine—” he managed to squeak before whirling around and scurrying to the bathroom.
So yes, Eddie’s been an absolute mess the past few days, and today is no different.
…Actually, scratch that. Today is different. Today is worse.
“Okay, now spill,” Chrissy says. “What happened?”
With another drawn-out, pitiful groan, Eddie sinks down in his seat and lets his neck hang off the backrest, blinking up at the ceiling.
“Talk to me, Eds,” Chrissy says, concern starting to bleed into her voice. “If he’s actually bullying you, you can file a complaint. I have a form here somewhere.”
Eddie hears her open one of her desk drawers and reluctantly sits up. “He’s not bullying me, Mom,” he says with a huff. “We actually…we talked.”
“You talked?” Chrissy asks, eyebrows raised.
“Yeah, about the elevator. Buried the hatchet and everything. I said sorry, we laughed about it, it’s over and done with.” Eddie’s gaze darts around Chrissy’s desk, searching for something to distract him from the warm and fuzzy feeling growing in his stomach at the memory of their conversation.
“That’s great, I’m so proud of you!” Chrissy says cheerfully. “But wait, if you two are good now…”
Eddie doesn’t want her to ask what she’s about to ask, because the answer might be more embarrassing than all of his other Steve stories combined.
“Why are you still going on about quitting?”
Eddie drops his face into his hands, feeling totally and utterly pathetic. “Um, because I think I’m sort of, kind of, just a little bit…in love with him?”
-------------------------------------
tbh I didn’t think I’d be writing a second part, but if strangers on the internet validate me enough, I guess I’ll do anything~
Y’ALL. I’m blown away by the response to part one of this silly lil au. I didn’t reply to any of the lovely comments or tags, but please know if you engaged in any way (or even if you just read the fic and snorted a little through your nose at a bit you found funny) I love you with my entire heart and you’ve made my entire life.
[Now for the tag list, which I’ve never done before. Sorry if you didn’t actually want to be on here! Or, sorry if you’re stumbling upon this post on your own after asking to be tagged and I missed you oops.]
@messrs-weasley @n0-1-important @bornonthesavage @thing-a-ling @eddiemunsonswife @changenamelater @ispyblu @thesuninyaface
@invisibleflame812 @4nemo1egend @ikolanatari @mavernanche @songbird-garden @trashpocket @original-cypher @over7joyed 
@commonxsenss @justdyingontheinside @mojowitchcraft @maya-custodios-dionach @justmiiriam @imzadidragonfly @lillemilly @gay-stranger-things @child-of-cthulhu @bleedingoptimism @lemanzanabizarra @melaniehere91
@iswearitsjustme @silver-snaffles @csinnamon-fox @paint-music-with-me @epicsteddieficrecs @sweetcreaturetm @hxneyfarms @bossyknow-it-all @vecnuthy @stevethehairington @anything-thats-rock-and-roll @nburkhardt
@gayngerthings @patchworkgargoyle @violetsteve @henderdads @2btheanswertothequestion
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hajihiko · 21 days
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Touching up on my danganronpa knowledge when I came across the scene in chapter 5 where the group realizes none of them have seen Nagito in a while, and in an act that shorta surprised me, Fuyuhiko is the one who speaks up saying he tried to check on Nagito but hasn’t seen him. I could’ve seen that coming from Chiaki, Hajime, or even Sonia but the game pointing out Fuyuhiko was the one who wanted to see what was going on stuck with me
He's a responsible little guy!
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