#And thats not to say there are not relationships with age gaps that are healthy - there totally are look at ally and justin they ARE love

[freebooter4ever]

Hey thanks I thought I was the only one who didn’t like the joke. Everyone laughed yuck

Ahhhhh yeah :/ i thought the joke was definitely funny, but with that harsh twinge of sadness at just how normalized and accepted this sort of sexism STILL is.

' i was never good at telling jokes but the punchline goes, i get older but your lovers stay my age '

And its not necessarily a damnation of the man himself - obviously rami is a favorite of mine but i dont think hes ever dated anyone over 30 and is veering towards jake and leo disease too, and i still think rami is one of the most brilliant character narrative builders in the business currently - but its a damnation of a culture that treats romantic partners not as equals but as disposable play things with an expiration date. Look, i got flirted with by much older guys in pittsburgh all the time - usually it was cute, they were friendly, very complimentary and flattering about it, and they never treated it seriously or asked me out. Then i came to LA and the difference was night and day. Older (rich) men here feel entitled to younger women in a way that is frankly scary - at one point in a bar when a guy in his 60s was hitting on me my muscular male friend had to physically step between us and scare the guy off to get him to go away.

And it doesn't help that im sort of in the 'one of the guys' category, so i've heard the way these super rich dudes talk about the models they date behind their back while hanging with 'the guys', and, ugh, its not nice. I will say one thing for sports dudes - i imagine guys like ja*gr have way more respect for young women who are passionate about health and fitness than computer science executives.

But there's negatives in the sports world too - yall know how much i adore taylor. But even i recognize that she's not 'sports bro hot' - she doesn't have silicone, her make up is understated, she doesn't have that social media defined 'hotness' that sports fan dudes expect their sports heroes to date. So while i was naively scrolling insta looking for cute snapshots of taylor and travis being all lovey dovey at the end of the game, a good half the comments were men complaining about her. Saying they cant understand why travis is dating someone so old, that she will never be able to give him kids, that she's already showing her age (both of them are 34 btw). So far travis seems to ignore these types of comments but it would be hard to judge him for giving into peer pressure because this stuff is just so prevelant and exhausting.

And it does effect us older women - while i was dating Pilot Boy i was absolutely hyper aware of the fact that here is this rich, handsome, successful, and extremely smart guy dating beneath him. Like we bonded over being literally the same age - we had mutual friends in college without even knowing it. But i was always questioning like what does this guy see in me - why isn't he dating a gorgeous 25 year old whose only goal in life is to live on the beach with him??? Like he was honestly more the type of dude i would be friends with while he dates hotter women, lol. So i really was not surprised when he ended things (i was mostly sad that we couldnt stay friends and continue geeking out on airplanes and history together LOL), it just felt like it made sense, of course he wouldn't be serious about me, a guy like him should be dating a fresh, youthful, less bitter and cynical 25 yr old blonde. Six years in LA and this is just the pattern i see repeating itself over and over.

And im the romantic - when i fall in love its ALL in. Usually it's personality, usually its intellectual - that comfort in finding someone who just understands how you think. I love being so close to someone that you know them better than yourself, that you can communicate wordlessly. Shared humor, shared experience. As i age im learning that i actually dont pay much attention to the signs of aging when it comes to attraction - who notices wrinkles when what you're in love with is that look in their eye when they smile at you? The mental connection between romantic partners is the most important for me in my book. For me this typically means someone within the ten year range plus or minus - though i prefer it even within a five year age gap.

#But i also really feel for the women because when i was 22 i got myself into a relationship with a man a decade older #Who only valued me for my youth and tight skin #And even back then no matter how much in love i was (and i have since deleted all the posts but even after he dumped me i was still #coming on this blog sighing about how much i loved and missed him) #The feeling of being only valued for your youth was still skeevy to me #In the back of my mind i knew that this was a trait i was eventually going to lose because everyone ages #And i was not confident enough to think i would ever have any value beyond Young #And thats not to say there are not relationships with age gaps that are healthy - there totally are look at ally and justin they ARE love #Its just a very specific type of relationship where the older partner keeps dating younger and younger and only values youth #that creeps me out #And in our culture that narrative usually is an older man with a younger woman and i tend to side with the woman #THE GOOD NEWS is if you notice in the clips and gifs it looks like the younger guys on the pens are laughing a lot less than the old guard #i think the newer generation - the dudes in their 20s are starting to realize how shallow all this is and that things are changing #and that the generation of women after me will deal with a lot less pressure #At least i hope!!! #Jrnlsht #Sorry this got long

[ofbreathandflame]

Personally, I dnt see Nesta abusing Feyre because of how vague their history in their past home was like. They seemed on v equal ground wit the way they argued and fought. Feyre calls Nesta a burden then Nesta retaliates. Nesta warns Feyre about the old hag and Feyre brings up their past fight from the other night. Nesta tries to save Feyre and Feyre realizes there is more to her sister than she thought.

They always were at odds with each other but their never seemed to be any serious power dynamic between them. Neither was afraid of the other and both saw themselves in the other. I honestly think they both have stuff to answer for from their days in the cottage.

In SF, the book even says that Feyre wasn’t perfect and that she made mistakes but their past doesn’t have to define their future. Again, we dnt know what those mistakes could have been since there is such vague exploration of their dynamic back then. But passages in the books like these make me see that it wasn’t abuse between them. It certainly wasn’t healthy but definetly not so one-sided as many antis make it out to be.

hi anon!!

my response is loooooong 😭

i do really want to talk about this. i think the set up in the cabin is very important to the foundation of the sisters' relationship, and because its left as this gaping hole that lacks nuance and logic, it muddles the characterization going forward. a court of silver flames runs into trouble for this reasons, hence why is said it employs the use of 'placeholder' plotlines. to start, as many have stated before me, the set-up in the cabin makes no sense. none. not even a little. that matters for a lot of reasons but specifically because we can't really argue the validity of any of the sister's actions when the worldbuilding around them has none to begin.

its very hard to apply a real system of continual power, abuse, and neglect, when the circumstances around such dynamic is vague and uncommitted. the story doesn't want to commit to the consequences, but it also doesn't want to establish a relationship between the sisters without placing feyre as the permanent victim. so - it created an absurd scenario that doesn't make any sense. what i am saying is - the story has to go wayyyy out of its way to make elain and nesta 'villains' - to the point that the plot can't even support it. like for example, the girls live together in the cabin without feyre hunting for about a good 3-4 years. that means: someone clothed them, someone fed them, someone cleaned, someone took care of them. someone picked up the slack and its wasn't feyre. we know that mama archeron dies when the girls are 8, 10, and 11 - and the shortly after that, they lose their wealth. so - the girls are maybe 11, 13, and 14. literal children. and again - someone had to be taking care of them, a dynamic existed before feyre went hunting, but somehow never gets brought up. if the story is committed to this story, why doesn't it highlight nesta/feyre/elain's relationship in the moments where feyre isn't hunting? what was their relationship like? what was feyre like? these are perfect moments to establish the relationship. even if the sisters were lazy - what would they be doing all day? how would they even sustain themselves on meat all year long? even if the sisters were evil sisters there's little motivation for them to even be like this. the sisters are only three years apart. literally. when feyre was 8, elain was 10, and nesta was 11. thats not a big enough age-gap to even sustain partially of what the story argues about why the sisters have a disconnect. nesta would have been a BABY when feyre and elain were born - where is the motivation? how do elain and nesta develop a faction when they would have been mere toddlers when feyre came into the picture???

either papa archeron isn't a deadbeat or some mysterious force clothed, bathed, fed, and took care of them. like even the circumstances behind papa archeron being a deadbeat make no sense??/

and then there's the added layer of the suppose abuse the grandmother and mother were doling out to nesta, elain, and feyre. nesta was physically abused, and feyre was neglected to hell and high water - there's a plot pont to exploit right there. if the story wants to commit to nesta being abusive, but also wants her to be sympathetic, validating where her anger comes from, while acknowledging how it negatively affected her relationships with her sisters would be the perfect way to go. playing into the mirror sacrifices these sisters (youngest and oldest) made towards one another would have been *chefs kiss*. but again - the story leaned way too moral to even attempt a conversation like this. its willing to forgive the tamlins, rhys's and cassians, but not the women in the story. the thing is - the story doesn't commit to real faults with feyre - and it doesn't do that with nesta or elain either. they are only a standard to compare feyre against. and that's why the story cannot commit to a basic conversation between the sisters - there's nothing that exists between the except the drama. nesta has to atone for mystery reasons bc the story has rewrote their dynamic too many times. sjm acknowledges that the sisters are caricatures at this point of the story, but she doesn't rewrite the first book to accommodate her switch is plot direction.

nesta can't really tell feyre 'why she treated her x way ' bc the story doesn't know why either. a reason doesn't exist. elains book will probably have the same issue, on an even broader scale bc it doesn't actually have a reason these sisters chose to stare at a wall for 24 hours out of the day. the reason elain 'chooses not to help' is even more flimsy than the reason it gave nesta. esp bc the story later establishes that elain isn't even supposed to be a bad person, she can actually be caring. shes also a gardener so it also makes no sense that she would...cringe away from feyre bc of dirt???? that part makes no sense. she literally refused gloves at some point bc she liked to use her hands. she does so in the same book. and i don't even like this character but its the truth, and its why i cannot adequately take what the story argues about the sister seriously. nothing about what it argues makes any logical sense. it for this story...yeah that matters.

so....its valid that people don't take those chapters seriously. they are actually written with unserious intent. like how can i be angry at the sisters when the story argues they were essentially staring into space for eight years??? argues that papa archeron with 10000000 connections couldn't just....use those connections like he literally did near the end of tar and war? that the sisters could live off wild meat for years and still be alive? that toddler nesta and baby elain annexed toddler feyre??? its an unserious situation here. like feyre would rather -- @ 11, 14 or whatever age the story chooses to argue -- would immediately turn to the deadly woods and not yknow...an actual job??? mmkay.

#anti sjm: feyre archeron #anti sjm: nesta archeron #anti sjm: elain archeron #anti acotar #anti acosf #really pro archeron sisters (anti sjm) #for those who don't want to see anti content i do always put anti sjm in front of whatever so if you have the anti tags blocked #it should just block my posts #bc yall me going ham in the inbox - when you can just block me #queue #i hope i did this queue right bc it never works #also if u wanna block #do not reblog my post and then block me. #literally defeats the purpose of blocking in the first place #and will only bring more angry ppl. #so if u disagree just make your own subpost and im cool #its not fandom ettiquette and im tired of people doing this #should be 9:30 #thumbs crossed #anti sjm

[emberwood-if]

Ooof I dunno which RO to go for 😩 Who would you recommend? I'll go for whoever you pick

I love that I made the decision difficult for you. I saw this ask right when I was writing with Perry so I choose Perry!

For context (and for any new players/followers):

Want to reiterate that Emberwood can be a romance (if you choose) but I've settled with calling the romance routes more drama, or 'angstmance' because none of these relationships are 100% healthy or pure aha...

Perry: if you like friendly, warm, nice, very 'easy' route in terms of emotion. It's by no means smooth sailing, but Perry is a very open and willing person, and emotionally in-tune with himself.

Route: friends to lovers // daddy issues //personality switch// 'love at first sight' (if you pursue him romantically thats what it he would claim it is) // mentor/mentee relationship (which will make Perry more hesitant) // possible age gap // possible unhealthy attachment

E: I always say E is the most mature route of all of them, mostly because the main obstacle of their route is having to deal with them choosing their job >>> over anything and anyone else. They've also had been very badly burned by love in the past, so they're not eager to be in a relationship.

Route: brokenhearted by ex // lying to them // work over personal life // another mentor/mentee relationship (which is based solely on whether you choose that) // possible age gap

Alex: Alex is emotionally empty, very indifferent and does not see themself ever getting vulnerable. I think they're best for players who like the 'emotional chase.' Most of the route is trying to break down Alex's walls. They are very guarded, so it won't be easy to get them to open up.

Route: indifference to attachment // distrust // has not faced their past and doesn't want to lol // will purposely push MC away by any means necessary

Dani: Angry. Angry. Angry. Dani is very hard to please, rude, brash, abrasive but they have a heart...deep down. They care about others in their own way, and they can be surprisingly witty when they want to be.

Tropes//Themes: rivals to lovers // 'Stay away from me, I will hurt you in the end' vibes // unhealthy emotional...regulation? // morally grey //

F: F is very bright and very easy to talk to, cheerful, fun. Very sweet, I think F is very easy to love, both from a friendship and a romantic stand point. Of course, loving them actually wont be easy

Route: has never experienced love // insecure with themselves // for MC's that are on the older side, this will prove to be another obstacle due to the nature of F's past //

N: N is a hermit, quiet, doesn't speak much and has a lot of anger inside them. You won't talk to them much unless you're on their platonic and/or romantic route lol unfortunately or if you go out of your way to choose choices that are directly interacting with N.

Route: reluctant friend to lovers // never sure whether N will be gone or not // inexperienced with romance // familial issues //

K: While intelligent and very serious, K is like F in the romance aspect. While their route is heavy, it's not as heavy as say, Alex or Dani, but it's up there. But the romance is a lot more straight forward, mostly because K is straight forward.

Route: familial issues // powerful parents // has not faced their past // difficult to open up

#ask #anonymous #emberwood #interactive fiction #ROs

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 8 Javi's Chapter

whats playing: Self Control by Frank Ocean

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 9.2k

Javier had picked up on a few habits. Nail biting came first when he loaded into his truck when he left in 1980. He tried to keep from looking at you after you stained his shirt a deeper shade of blue with your tears. Biting his nails for the first time, right hand, his left hand was patting down the mark on his shirt. Lorraine in the back talking off his head as Don Chucho drove. Chucho always knew, he knew, so he rested his right hand on Javi’s shoulder as he drove into and out of town. Javier's hands flex as he imagines your back under his palm. 

And the apartment in Houston never felt like home. Not for a second. Immediately he felt like a lost little kid. He gave himself time to inch back tears alone in the bathroom as his estranged girlfriend frolicked around the home. Lorraine was thrilled, she had genuinely thought that her cheating was behind them. Javier never got over that, never got over his time being wasted and in turn allowing her to waste more of it. 

He spent June and July finishing his GED, living off the temporary money his dad had given them. Lorraine was the same, living off her savings and money from her mom until she started school in August, and until he was of age to work at the precinct.

One week in, Javier found a new habit with tobacco wrapped in white. Heading to cop bars with his older colleagues who would sneak the eighteen year old in. Lorraine was stressed with school by week one and Javi took her study time to ring your house yet you were never the person to pick up. “Oh, no she's out right now.” Javier’s brow would crease, wanting to ask,  with who? Where at? He would still tell Frankie to relay messages of hope everything is good although he had other words he wanted to say but that was for your ears only. 

Climbing out the hole that is their room, Lorraine, “How is everyone?” Her eyes tired from stress. By mid september Javier had started to sleep in the bed with Lorraine. They had shown good face for their friends before they moved but the second they were confined to this space, all of their grievances were revealed. Just in the first week, you are a lousy boyfriend, you never tell me how you really feel, Javier would dig back but his weren't low, he would just repeat over and over that she should have some sort of decency to break up with him before she jumped onto someone else. Even in september he was angry but an argument ended in them fucking so thats when sleeping in the same bed made its debut. Very healthy. 

“I only spoke to Frankie, he’s working. So is Genie, still cleaning up that office space.” He left you out because your name was brought up in those arguments with accusations of leading the poor girl on, Lorraine's words.

 Lorraine liked you, a lot, but she was very weary of you. Maybe she didn't have the right since she had cheated on Javier, and truthfully you hadn't crossed any lines when they were together. You had just suffered in silence, if anyone was crossing lines it was Javi but even that… you wouldn't call crossing. The lines were blurring and he nearly tripped over. The line disappeared when she cheated and Javi moaned into your soft mouth. 

Lorraine walks behind Javier as he smokes out the window, her hand skating his shoulder in a hold he didn't want. Not when he lit his cigarette to ease his worries of you.

Her cheek resting on your shoulder, “And Andrea?” 

Stay cool, any incorrect phrasing and Javier was done for, back on the couch. 

He flares his nostrils out of sight of his blonde girl, “Nothing new, just started school. She wasn't home.”

“And you asked for her?” Her voice was slightly unsettled and threatening. Javi sighs knowing where this was going, flicking his cigarette. Lorraine hated the habit, being in school for health care and all, also hated kissing him with the taste. As much as he wanted to be angry with how Lorraine had become with you after they had gone away he sort of understood her. Although he had the looming knowledge of Lorraine kissing someone else while they were deep in- he still had a grasp on what you must come across as. Less of how you came across, more-so how he responded to the call of your name.

Javier shakes his head before looking down out the window making sure the coast was clear before dropping the stick off the ledge. “No, Frankie just told me”. The conversation ended there and Javier served her dinner. 

He would call once a week to your house and still you just never seemed to be home. He would get small snippets into your life that fall. He heard you cut your beautiful long hair off. Javier’s eyes wide at the thought of how the short hair would look on you, he knew you could pull any look off. He felt it might've been weird to ask for a picture from your brother but Javier got lucky when he received your school picture in the mail from his dad. 

You are missed at home. Here is Andrea’s school picture her mom gave me, and a picture of me and Frankie at Genie’s salon

See you at thanksgiving. 

Love,

Your dad

Javier traced a hand over the image of his father and best friend in front of the pink lit sign. His slow breathing at the sight of you for the first time in forever. Biting the inside of his lip when he sees your bright eyed smile and short hair. Fuck, he wishes he was home with you, with his dad and with everyone. 

Javi tucked the image in his wallet and headed to work. He thought about you that whole day.

After two weeks of internal struggle and eye contact avoidance with his girlfriend Javier came to a silent conclusion. He was a selfish person, it wasn’t a trait from his father, probably from his mom who selfishly abandoned him at too ripe of an age. An age he denies he remembers but he knows it all. 

He knew kissing you, taking you to his home, asking to make him stay, he knew all of it was selfish. His self control just wasn't there. Not when you trusted and adored him so much. He flicks his cigarette outside the precinct next to his favorite co worker, Thomas. Javier decided to call less and although it wasn't you on the end of the line he knew him reaching out so often would just continue to hurt you for his own selfish gain.

You deserved to have a normal high school life, boyfriends and friends, not tied to the phone calls and subliminal flirts hoping you know he still feels deeply for you. He was envious of your ability to be so absent. You must have been finally getting a taste of the simplicity of a life without him. The time just isn't right for the two of you.

 Javier makes his last call in December. 

That day in December Javier had been drinking, alone as Lorraine stayed out with her classmates. His beer on his right and ashtray on his left. He almost chuckles at how mortified you would be at this image. He looked at himself a few times in the mirror and could see that boyish look leaving him more and more everyday, and it wasn't just his new killer mustache and stress lines growing. It was the way he was carrying himself, eighteen and assumed to be pushing thirty. Just great. A grown little man.

Donny Hathaway playing through his record player, he just keeps aging himself. 

He rings the house, sort of figuring it’ll be Melissa or Frankie telling him he just missed you. But it's your squeak that he hears for the first time in seven months, his blood running cold and his hand hurrying to put out his cigarette like you were really there to scold him for it. He decides against it, keeping it burning between his fingers. 

“Andrea, haven't heard your voice in awhile.” He breathes out in a pathetic hurried way. His own cheeks burning in embarrassment. You hum over the phone at his words and Javi looks to his lap hiding a smile from no one but himself. 

“I’ve been busy, keep missing your call. I don’t want to bother ringing your house either.” Javier laughs at the irony, just last year you had been passing his house to see if he was there and now it was him trying to get a glimpse of your life from miles away. He thinks of how nervous you used to be when he smiled, how you would run a hand through your hair, your hair. 

“Busy doing what? I saw the picture your mom sent by the way-Hair looks nice, looks pretty on you” He closes his eyes and breathes through his nose, feeling like anything he says to you crosses a line he doesn't want to cross anymore. It will never be fair for you. Selfish . 

There's a small silence before your angelic voice quips again, “Thanks Javier Peña. And busy with school-and you? How's everything?” His name, so smooth from your lips. How did he get this bad for you, how did this happen. Javier feels sick for a second, say it again. He thinks but logic precedes him, be normal. He draws his cigarette again, fearing you’d yell at him over the phone (although he would kind of like that) for picking up on such a habit. He hums remembering the times you would put him in his place, “Hmm.”

“Started officially working, all the other cops speak spanish which is nice. There’s a cop bar just a few blocks from my house, we hang there.”

“and your girl?”

Selfish, nosy, like him. If you were in his shoes, he’d ask the same question. Javier would want to know every detail of your relationship just so he could find something to  be upset about. 

Javier scans the room devoid of Lorraine, they weren't good. How could they be?

“Hm. We’re good, she’s staying with a friend tonight at her dorm. Just in very different places right now-she’s in that college mood and i’m just work and sleep. She gets real mad at me-“ Javi stops himself then sighs, a shaking breath escaping as he realizes he's crossing another line. “M’sorry, not supposed to talk to you about these things.”

You sigh and he can imagine the crease of concern between your brows, he’d pass a thumb over it and smooth it over if he could. Another thought that shocks him. 

“It’s okay, you planning on coming home anytime soon?”

“Uh-not sure. Would love to come down for your birthday but this law and order shit is real rigorous, thinking i’ll just send you some birthday money over there”

A classic bratty scoff sears through the static, “Don’t do that.”

Javi rolls his eyes, missing you so bad. “Told you to take care of yourself before I left-are you, querid-” Javier fills himself up with unnecessary panic as he nearly calls you the name he reserved just for you, the name he called you before- “Um-aren’t you… taking care of yourself? Avoiding Daniel and whatnot.”

“I am. Funny how you left and suddenly I have no more boy troubles.” 

Javier is breathless and reminded of your face. Not the smiling one he saw almost every day but the one blotchy with red marks of tears when he so selfishly asked you that question, how your chin quivered at him. The cigarette dying in his hand, vinyl record needing to be turned, “I’m sorry, i’ll keep apologizing-”

“Javier-”

“No, I'll keep apologizing until you believe it, I'm sorry for putting you in that position. It was unfair." Javier's eyes fall to his lap, feeling like it was you sitting across from him with that red and whining face he left you with.

But the door opens and reality sets, and he says his goodbyes to you abruptly.

Cutting off your small bye and he decides it isn't fair. He was done being selfish. 

Train. It doesn't matter of his body fucking hurts, train he let everyone go for this, he pushes himself.

He sleeps four hours a night and works the rest of the day, meals meticulously planned to keep him in check. Turns down a beer, only one habit at a time, he’ll smoke in the bar instead.

He calls, only his father, twice a week. He stops asking for you-not because he means to but because worrying about you would kill the routine-it would kill the numbing cycle. He keeps a space in bed for Lorraine and maybe they would fuck if he found the energy. When she wakes for class he’s already gone, at his desk, wondering if this whole DEA shit is worth it-if it’s promised.

If Javier finds time, if his estranged partner finds the will, they will talk about breaking up. Both thinking its the best but Javier’s concern for her well-being-considering that he provides for her-ends up overruling. You're right, but once I get my residency then… well then we can figure it out. 

Javier wonders when will they assign him, fuck he had turned 21 three years ago and from the research and tabling he’s done, they all knew that Escobar was reigning hell in Colombia. When Javier asks with a hand on his hip, his superior says they are still weighing the risks, “We send you out there and you get killed, fuck, 23 year old southern boy American boy killed by narcos, the optics of it all”

Javier bites back the urge to tell his gringo boss that the story would be flipped into a discussion of his citizenship before he hit American soil for burial. But he doesn't, he just nods and almost responds before the boss speaks again, “But, we are working on arrangements to send you out there… safely.” 

Technically, Javier and Lorraine had been separated for 3 years by 1986. They lived together, and promised not to sleep with others since raw sex was all they enjoyed. Javier still provided, not because Lorraine couldn't but because at that point he was making too much money for his own good. He sent money back home monthly, fighting the urge to maybe send you something, that would be weird, he hadn't even heard your voice since you were sixteen. 

Fuck, you were what? 21 turning 22?

Javier knew general things about your life the past few years. He knew your mom got engaged, Melissa head over heels for a white guy named James. Javier knew that Frankie and Genie were engaged as well, living on their own with two successful salons. He heard that you got a boyfriend, that was news for Javier. News from Lorraine this time, over take out on a rare night where Javier laughed in the presence of her. His chest caving in a jealous fit that he thought he had gotten rid of long ago, something in his chest chipping away. Right then he decided that he couldn't go back if it meant seeing you with someone else.

And imagine his surprise when Lorraine says the boy's name was Xavier. So he knew about you and Xavier. He also knew you attended UMiami, smart girl. Knew you were farther from him now, that comforted him a bit. Knowing that you did well for yourself, that you were experiencing something outside the torment that is being home.

He remembered you joking that your mother hadn't ever wanted a daughter, it stayed with Javi, every time he looked at you he thought of you feeling like you weren't a good enough daughter. 

Javier knew that you probably hated him. You could ring her but she probably won't pick up. It was Genie who said that to Javi on Christmas over the phone. Javier had your new number the three years you attended school in Miami but was ultimately too distracted and scared to call you. 

In January of 1986, a few days before your birthday, Lorraine was given a residency  match at a children's hospital 30 minutes north of their apartment. I found an apartment, I was just wondering if you could be a reference.

And that's how they broke up. Not an arm flailing argument like they had twice a month, the relationship died with grace, Javier hadn't seen that coming. Javier told her he was proud and that he would always be around to help her. She was to move out by May. 

In February Javier goes home. 

Well, he drives home for a day, has dinner with his father and drives back in the morning without running into anyone from his past. Javier’s eyes burned for almost a second when his eyes fell on a picture of you in a cap and gown on the wall next to his own police academy picture from 1981. Your smile is bright like always, with a soft curve of your lips with your long hair tucked behind your ear.

Ears large, you hated your ears, Javier thought they were cute. Was that a nose ring? Melissa must have fainted at the sight. Javier packed and exited at 8 am to head back to Houston. Fuck all of that. The image burned in his head anyway and he shut his radio off when Juan Gabriel blared through the speakers. Fuck— that. 

Javier returns home after his day trip to Lorraine half packing the heading out to her friends house. Javier returns to work, training, tiring, stretching, writing, printing and thanking god he doesn't go on patrol anymore. God he never felt like less of a hero when his first work assignment was watching his patrol partner asking homeless folk to move their tents. He thinks of that moment and thanks god he was working on detailing and research for the DEA instead. 

In April Javier walks into his office with a loud yell and confetti in his face. He flinches then grins at all of his colleagues dressed in cowboy hats-mocking him as his nickname around the building was Vaquero , the big city Texans found Javier's tight pants and belt buckles amusing. Unsure of the occasion or if he was the right person for this party his deskmate Felipe shakes his shoulders, “You're going to Colombia.” 

Javier scoffs in disbelief as he's surrounded by music and hugs and congratulations with a few “you’re making history fucker.” Youngest guy they're sending out to Medellín. Javier learns that day that it was his last week in Houston before he gets a six month break before he starts his first day the embassy in October.

Polaroid pictures and cheek kisses from the desk women who Javier had unintentionally flirted with throughout the years, Javier’s work finally paid off. 

His boss, Townes, poured him a drink and handed him a pile of mail. Javier was bad at collecting from his mailbox. Townes laughs at Javier's shocked expression, it sure did pile on. The entire office was in fits of conversations and dances. Javier made note of how close his deskmate Felipe is to the front receptionist Gina. He fucking knew it, her face bright red when Felipe would walk in and place a light tap on her desk. Javier narrowed his eyes at him while he obviously bit back a smile when they walked to their own desks. Felipe had a hand flat on her back. 

Townes cleared his throat. “Opened this thinking it was mine, you should really head to that man. Seems like you're missed in Laredo.” He grips Javier's leather shoulder. Javier frowns and stares at the ripped envelope before digging his own fingers to fish out the card. Javier’s eyes bounced between letters, as they circled in his head quickly and with panic. He felt his superior smile from behind him, probably proud with his mini retirement suggestion. Javi traced his finger at the bump out lettering.

You are invited to  Genie and Frankie’s Wedding 6-20-1986

Javier gave a thinned lipped smile to his boss, it was time for Javier to come home, he knew it for a while, but he was sure of it now. 

Javier dusted his desk off with a shaky finger, his father at the doorway watching his every move. Rubbing his fingers together and flicking the collection away. The slightest frown on his lips, regret piling in his throat. He hadn’t gone home in so long. He could feel his fathers eyes burn on him as he watched the room he grew up in turn into a place of visitation, vacation, no longer his home.

His bed made, the childlike posters staring back at him and the teddy bear Lorraine had given him on valentine's day during their first year. Javier walks over to pick it up and inspect the thing. Feeling it’s fluffiness being a bit matted with age. Javier then looks at the picture of him and Lorraine on his night stand. Seeing his old smile and lighter brown hair. What an idiot he had been to shave his mustache that was itching to come in back then. 

He knew he had changed a lot. Taller, slimmer, more lines when he smiled, hair curling at his neck and a mustache that wasn’t needed to prove he was a man but a thick one nonetheless-made him look unrecognizable. 

His bear still in hand he hears his dad step slightly closer, “She’ll come around papa.” Javier’s eyes drop at the sentiment. Javier hadn’t really specified why they broke up-Javier never really told Chucho anything about Lorraine unless it was positive. He didn’t want to complain about her, he promised himself he wouldn’t be that sort of boyfriend or ex. Chucho had only ever been with Javier's mother but he respected her enough to relay that piece of advice to never speak down on your partner, even if they were an ex. You dated them for a reason, those reasons don't disappear when you split .

He hums an agreement although he knew there was no coming around, they had been over since 1981. 

The dust can be seen in the sunlight from his window. Circling and never falling. He had been home just for one day 4 months prior, and he hadn’t stepped into his room. He hadn’t even left his childhood home, he just stayed in the living room with his dad, silently watching tv as if this was normal, him being around, like that was normal. As if his dad didn’t have to face sending his only child away to a new dangerous career venture. Javier also knew you weren’t home then, not like he’d dare to stop and say hello after writing you off for so many years. His stomach flips at the thought of seeing you now.

The heavy hurt he just knew he instilled in you, would you slap him when you run into each other? No, not Andrea. You would never put your hands on him. Would you be so surprised to see him that you’d forget his absence? Would you smile out of instinct or frown in realization? 

He hadn’t seen a picture of you since you were a senior in high school, it’s been three years since then. Did you have an apartment in Florida or do you still dorm-would you even have to stay all summer or could you just stop by your brothers wedding and settle back into your home so far away. You had mirrored him but decided to make it a competition. Your thousand miles and his three hundred. 

Somehow he was able to tuck away the thought of you, for those first two years in Houston the thought of you not being okay consumed him. Lorraine had come home with takeout laughing about some chisme she heard from her friend in Laredo about you getting caught piss drunk on top of some guy in a bathroom. That led to an argument, Javier asking Lorraine to quit gossiping, which then developed into a screaming match about you and Javier’s obsession. Javier just asked her to table any conversation involving you, that he rather not know. So he pushed the thought of you and everything that came with the wallet image he tossed away with a heavy heart. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose when he would receive unsolicited updates about your life from your brother or Chucho. This would be far easier if people didn't adore you the way they did. 

He remembers when Chucho called him that July after helping you pack up your room. If he had stayed, god he couldn’t bear it be you leaving. That was the first time he was glad he had left first. “Javi.” Chuchos voice brought him back to earth, back to Laredo. 

Eyebrows shooting up Javier turns to face his dad, “Yeah?” 

A look of sympathy crosses over the wrinkles on his face, “Today is Tito’s 13th birthday.” His dad frowns, knowing what he was about to ask. Javier was stuck for a bit, confused at the sudden statement. Then more floored by his little cousin turning 13 when he was only 7 the last time he had been home. “Everyone is expecting you.” 

Javier feels a bubble growing in his chest at the thought of curious eyes and awkward hugs. “Who is everyone?” A hand falls to his hip, he knows. Everyone is everyone, there’s no damn party in this town without at least a hundred people walking out drunk regardless of the age of the birthday boy. 

Chucho chuckles and tips his hat at him before leaving Javier in his old room. 

Despite Javier’s protests and complaints of being tired he’s dressed in a flannel and patting his pockets for his pack of cigarettes. Rehearsing in his head how to answer stupid and overbearing questions. Closing his eyes at the thought of getting a lot of Lorraine heavy questions. Thank god for the cigarettes in his pocket. 

Javi was a passenger for the first time in a long time as his father drove them down to the venue and it’s like the second coming of Jesus when a 23 year old Javier walks through the doors. 

Chatters in Spanish about how he’s grown, cheek pinches, kisses a bit too close to his mouth from girls from school that he doesn’t remember. Alejandra, according to her, Javier’s first girlfriend. “Tengo que decirle a la gente que mi primer novio fue un agente de la DEA.” She grins and kisses his cheek again, Javier’s nose scrunching.

After the small encounter Javier he sees the same little face on an elongated body. Little Tito, tall giving a sheepish teenage hug as another girl his age hangs behind him. Javier has a knowing smile remembering having a girl - friend at 13. “You’ve gotten so tall, who’s this?” Javier tuts his chin at the young girl whose face lights up in a blush, her eyes shifting everywhere but on Javier. Tito laughs in the only way a crushing pre-teen could. 

A brace-face smile, “Oh, my friend Adriana.” The girl smiles at the introduction, hands behind her back shyly. Javier raises his brows at his little cousin, and gives an approving frown. Familiar name. A mirror of his own childhood with you. Javier leans down to whisper in the birthday boy's ear.  

“Be nice to her, keep up the Peña reputation.” He advises, a firm squeeze on his bony shoulder before waving the two of them away to go back with the kids of their age. Standing straight Javier rubs his jaw and straightens up his going out top. Scanning the room for his dad who had parted the second he was swarmed. The same local mariachi band performing at the blue and red themed birthday party. 

Instead his eyes fall on a woman with blonde hair tied in a neat bun, thick brown brows and an aging smile that shrinks at the sight of him. Mrs. Smithfield in all her southern-belle glory staring at Javier with conviction. Javier blinks a few times before attempting to wave before she turns her back to him and walking away. A nervous shaking breath is exhaled from Javier’s lips, he regrets coming home. 

In the midst of Javier’s growing panic a slender hand grabs his shoulder and his knees weaken before he turns at the possibility of it being you. Instead, it’s your mother, your face on hers with more age and a stoic smile-you must’ve gotten your gleam from your father-he’d never know. Javier’s heart races at the sight, just your mom, after years. A few wrinkles included but still beautiful-still graceful and articulate. Hair moussed in curly scrunches, the smell filling the entire space, a long floral dress and a rosary flat against her chest. She grabs at Javier’s face and he looks away in embarrassment. “Javi! My goodness, didn’t know you could grow facial hair.” Her hand cupping his chin and manhandling his face like he was still fourteen. Her thumb brushing on the outer corners of his mustache. Javier chuckles and just allows her to examine him-“was so worried the academy would turn you useless and old, not even being a cop could break those Peña genes. Que chulo.” She jokes before slapping his shoulder, she loved thy neighbor, you know, unless they were cops. Javier nods a yeah, yeah. 

His chest rising and falling as the possibility of you being here increases by a million. His eyes dart around the woman in front of him but fall back on Mrs.Diaz just as quick. “How's everything?”

“Oh please, Javier, how are you? The DEA? That I could at least respect you know, is the salary good-it better-sending you to a war zone, I pray for you papa.” She looks over his shoulder for a second, then tightens her grip on his bicep. “My god-Frankie is going to freak out when he realizes you're stronger than him, he’s here!” Javier lets out a chuckle fueled by nerves at the thought of seeing your brother. Your mom had a new glow, one quite foreign to Javier. He remembers Melissa as just a nice lady, nothing more, nothing this enthusiastic. 

“Well, he’ll be even more angry when he sees that my mustache is better than his Ms. Diaz.” Javier jokes with a light squeeze to her arm. Her brows furrow and then settle in realization. 

“Mrs.Warden now Peña” She corrects. Javier is struck with even more confusion, forgetting she was engaged. “I married Mr. Warden, you know the middle school teacher?” She gleams as Javier’s face spreads in a smile, ah, right, Ms. Diaz got laid. Javier hugs his best friend's mom while uttering congrats and prying information out of her to take some of the heat off of him. She quips, smiling with every detail before waving him off to the table where he spots a grown man who is apparently Frankie. 

Frankie unknowingly dug into his food while Javier stalked the table to wrap his arm around his best friends neck. Frankies arms flail to grip Javier’s hold as Genie squeaks at the sight of Javi. “What the fuck-” Frankie groans through coughs as he slaps Javier’s hold. Javier loosens and kisses the cheek of Frankie who is still disoriented as his Fiancee giggles at his side. “Didn’t tell me your mom was taken, I was finally going to make my move.” 

Frankies eyes finally widen and he turns to fully see Javier’s face before letting out a little girl shriek before wrapping his arms around him, a hold Javier didn't know he missed this much. “You sick fuck, what the fuck?” Frankie laughs, gripping the shoulders of Javi to examine all the changes that six years create before giving a disapproving frown. Javier’s eyes almost look shut as the wide grin on his face ceases to shrink, “Your mustache isn't as good as mine though.” He comments, Javier’s smile dropping jokingly before pulling him in again. 

Genie sneaks in and Javier lifts her with his hold, kisses littering her cheek, he didn't expect himself to feel this affectionate but here he was. God, they were getting married. 8 years together, Javier wanted to ask how? How do you make that work, how did they do it so effortlessly. Maybe he should have asked for more advice, they had been doing something right, maybe Lorraine wouldn't be away although maybe the advice would lead him to stay with her.

By the grace of god, Genie and Frankie seemed to be too distracted by Javier’s new career venture to even utter her name. They knew, Javier also knew that they knew. He wouldn't come home for vacation without her you know unless… unless they were split up. Like always, Genie didn't hold back on the pig jokes. Discovering Frankie proposed on the beach when they went to Puerto Rico last May and how it's going to be a large backyard wedding-completely planned by Melissa and You. Javier couldn't help but let his brows shoot at the mention of your name, your name uttered out loud and not through static on a phone. Genie knowingly bites back a smile at his obvious attempt to micro manage his facial expressions as Frankie goes into detail about your skills in flower arrangements. How you cussed so loud when a rose thorn dug in your finger that your mama let the kitchen to hit you with a pillow as you dramatically cried at the cut, she just always been a crybaby, Frankie shook his head.

Javier wondered if your thumb felt better.

With Genie observing Javi she answers the question that has made its course around his head since they arrived, “Andrea is somewhere around her, surprised you didn't bump into her already. She’s hard to miss.” She chuckles before peering around the table to spot her. Javier holds himself together at the news. You were in this room, he knew he’d see you here so why was it that he feel the tension between his shoulder blades burn hot and glowy. Micro manage. Javier just nods. In his most lax way he asks what she meant by hard to miss. 

Frankie chuckles loudly at the thought of you scurrying around the party. You really had developed that maternal look as you followed the small steps of the new walker, trying to figure out how a one year old could be so fast, your hands out as you chased the stinker. “She’s got the baby with her.”

And to hell with micro-managing because Javier gives himself the sickest case of whiplash at the statement. 

No way. Dad would have told him. This is some sick prank. 

Javier's eyes snap to the stroller next to the empty seat just left of Genie and Javier feels his entire soul sink. No. “What, what do you mean?” Javier leans into the table, already visibly stressed at the thought, his mounted arm moving to stroke the hair below his nose. Frankie and Genie both glanced at each other and then back at Javier before bursting in fits of laughter. Javier blinked quickly, his leather clad shoulders dropping with air filling his lungs. Those fuckers. Genie found it hilarious, her head falling back holding her stomach and heaving while Frankies laugh deepened at the sight of his fiancee in a fit of laughs. How cute was the sight, Javier was sick. Javier kept his unamused trained eye on the couple as heels approached the table.

“Marisol fell asleep, could you watch her?”

Your voice burns in Javier's brain and he lifts his bowed head up at your approaching body, and your eyes widen in sync with his. He stares up at you as you crowd the table in a white turtleneck and long skirt as a baby girl has her face smushed in silent snores against your chest, you hair brown but honeyed. The maternal sight makes Javier dizzy. His chest falls for a moment, and you don't smile at him, you're just as shocked. Frankie chuckles and removes the chubby baby from you. You looked like you but far more grown, filling out your shirt, your eyebrows thinner and your hair in that layered look you used to have to make you look older. A proper beautiful woman, Javier wants to jump to his feet and hug you like he did your brother but his mouth is dry as is yours. “Javier, Hi.” You whisper while making Javier's chest ache at your softness, your voice and the fact that you hadn't used his nickname. You sit, patting your black skirt down as you give confused looks to your brother and in law, why didn't you warn me face. Javier licks his lips and stupidly all he can think to do is hold out his hand for you to grab and shake. 

Your lips quirk at the gesture and you touch him anyway, your hand dwarfed by his. Get it together Javier.  “Hi Andrea, your brother was just trying to kill me, saying that baby was yours almost-”

“She is mine.” You stare at him blankly and Javier’s eyes grow in size, and his cheeks heating before a real smile grazes your face. Javier feels privileged to see you smile again, smile at him, to see how despite having a wide smile, your lips never fade when you gleam. A nose stud. “Mi hermanita.” You confirm, trying to keep your own cool. You could feel Javier's body heat, the smell of him, his knee so close to your own.

You wanted to push him, kiss him, hug him, cry and tell him how much you missed him or tell him what you’ve been through. But all you could do is offer him small talk while he stares at you with his puppy dog eyes wondering where’d all the time go?

You're given a minute to breathe as Frankie pulls Javier's stare away from you as he explains the timeline of your mother meeting James, getting eloped and having a baby. Javier is shaking his head in shock the entire time, you watch the back of his head. His hair long again, folding at the neck with sideburns chopped and perfect. And a mustache, you didn't expect that. You didn't expect… well… you were immediately smitten with what he had grown to look like. So manly and broad, and hairy and large. You almost forgot how deeply hurt you were by him. Not one call. Looking down at your white top as a small stain from the drool of your baby sister's mouth darkened. Wiping your hand across your breast.

Javier’s eyes snap discreetly at your breasts and its movement when you wipe. 

Get it together Javier.

You didn't notice but ultimately gave up on the damn thing just to find Javier staring at you as Genie and Frankie crowd the stroller watching the infant stir in her sleep. You raise and eyebrow at the boy you still want, “What?” You narrow your eyes at him, and his lips stutter into a warm frown half hidden by the hair. You wanted to grab his face, feel his skin on your palm and hold. 

“I feel like I deserve to be slapped by you.” He states plainly.

Your face is stone cold, as you contemplate the offer but despite all the animosity you felt, you'd never put your hands on him, only if he asked and allowed you to kiss it better. You shake your head, Javier is really here. Your eyes leave his and scan the busy party. Seeing your mom serve a young child food. Eyes falling back to Frankie and Genie giggling off about something, not paying any mind to Javier’s burning gaze. “I feel like we should go talk outside” you spit, still being able to hold out any self control as he nods. 

Shoulder to shoulder with Javier again in the middle of a rare may breeze, looking up at the rare clear sky, it rained all week. Suddenly sunny and silent. The whole party stared at the two of you as you walked out of the building. Your mother nodding to you, James giggling to himself like the hard-ass he is. Feeling his shoulders rise and fall as you stood in silence.

"I'm sorry-"

“Shut up Javi, please.” Your hand comes up to your hair, running it through. Side by side you can't see his face but you do feel his body sink for a moment. It was the please that did it for him, he knew you, even after all these years. He knew a please out of you, a plea to him wasn't in your ranks. Javier did shut up though he wanted to hold your face and say i’m sorry, I’m sorry, so sorry. But you can't have any of that, you have control this time. You have control of your circumstances and you could push him, you could tell him he was a heartbreak you've been incapable of recovering from and you sure as hell could tell him that you hate him. You could also kiss him and leave him confused and aching to touch you and then you could leave. Go back to Miami, cut contact and live a life privately. Make him feel how you felt, how you’ve felt for six fucking years.

No.

You look to him and his eyes are peeled to the lot of cars in front of you, he feels you stare, burn, you burn him with the gaze. You thin your lips and hug your arms under your breasts, hugging your body. “ When do you leave?” You state more than ask.

His lips part and his head turns to you, looking into your eyes. That, he loved that. He loved how dark your eyes were, so dark that any light in your way makes them doe and animated, he hated to notice, but he fucking aches over the way your brows fold and bend with a line of stress when you look to him. “November.” He answered you, his eyes flitting to your lips, Javier couldn't help it, he found you so sexy back then when you forced answers out of him. God forbid you do it now, after so many years, after you've grown into that. Full, womanly, softer, prettier and meaner. Well, he had no right to assume you had gotten meaner but sixteen year old Andrea would have jumped into Javier's lap even if he had left you in that way. You had grown, meaner, if it was true he’d want it all. You quirk an approving frown before peeling away. Look back at me. 

“Do you really want to leave this time, and don’t bullshit me I don’t deserve any of that.”

Tan Brava. 

Javier smiles to himself but bites it away feeling that if you had caught him you’d click away in those little heels. He circles the question in his head and shrugs, “It’s work and the pay is handsome, close to a hundred.” He doesn't know why he admits that so quickly to you but you gasp, clutching at your stomach and you laugh. He needs a cig. The mere sight of you smiling so close to him is sending him over the edge. 

“Jesus fucking-sorry, just my starting salary is a fraction I-just shocked I’m sorry.” You exhale and Javier cant take it he’s patting at his pocket to fish out his killing carton. Your eyes watching his deft hands, veiny, you trap that image in that corner of your sick head. The stick falling between his large hands and up to his lips, your eyes follow it all. Your nose scrunching in disgust when he flattens his lips and covers his light. He side-eyes you in confusion.

“What?” He mutters, stunted by the cigarette at the corner of his mouth. Your face continues to twist in disgust. 

Shaking your head and crossing your arms, “You’re nasty Javier.” Continuing to shake your head as the sweet teen boy you had in your head dies when you watch the grown man in front of you, do something so adult , feed into an addiction. How cliche. 

He laughs, “Never seen someone smoke a cigarette before?”

You deadpan as you fight the urge to reach to pull the stick from his lips and stomp it. “Put it out.”

“Why?”

You narrow your eyes, “Put. It. Out.”

Smoke leaves the corner of his mouth, “Why, tell me.”

“You should be taking care of yourself, it's bad for you.”

You admit a bit too much and he's grinning like a fool and removing the cigarette from his upturned lips. He flicks the bud onto the floor and stomps it. Now it's you biting a smile at him listening to your request. You whisper, “Thank you.”

That has Javier looking at you with a dimple deep eyes shut grin, “Anything, Andrea, for you.” He mocks and you narrow your eyes. You want to pounce him in every sense of the word. You want to get on him and yell at him for making this so hard, you want to grab the back of his stupid head lick into his mouth until he’s begging you to give him anything, you knew he’d beg you. You also wanted to li ke actually pounce him , with the intention to wound. But the second form spoke the loudest when he licks his lips at your annoyance. 

“Light another.”

“What?”

“Light another so I can use you as an ashtray.” 

You're joking but Javier feels his pants tighten at your demand, for a moment he was willing to let you burn him, he’d been a dick and deserved it. With his hands at his side as he looks at you he thinks about how easy it would be to just kiss you. With a sly scoff and a head shake Javier plays it off, “Jesus, you seem stressed, would you like one?” He edges, reaching for his pockets and you swat him on his arm. You had to hold out.

“Oh, so you smoke because you're stressed?”

“Yes.”

“About what?” The air shifts with your light hearted question, you hear the music from inside change to something loud and eclectic, you could hear people scurrying to dance. You usually would wish you were inside but now you were extremely interested in what your ex-best friend is so stressed about that he decides to fill his pores with the smell of smoke. He quirks a brow at you, like you just asked if birds fly, checking if you were serious about the question before whisper a fuck it.

“Well, first of all, I haven't seen anyone in years and when I showed up in here they were treating me like a fucking Kennedy, asking me all these overwhelming questions about Escobar. I haven't even been to Colombia yet-then…” He looks down to the pavement and you begin to feel like shit for even asking, the way he takes a moment to breath worries you and your body twitches to hold him but decides against it. He breaths. “I see Lorraine's mom and I’m sure you know-just never worked, Houston made it worse. Whatever, her mom looks at me and turns her back, then your mom.” He laughs, still looking away. Your brows tense as you watch him in a state you've never really seen, so much insecurity and shame. Houston wasn't going to be good for him, I knew it wasn't. It circled your head for years but for selfish reasons, he won't be good because I wont be good without him, but instead he just didn't do good for himself. Your hand grazes his wrist for a moment and he doesn't move from your caress but it's fleeting so he continues with a frown and no eye contact. 

“When I saw you with the baby I nearly had a heart attack by the way, and then I felt guilty because you surely could have had a kid and I just would have never known, that's been killing me. Then you pull me out here, and I get deja vu, remember the last time we were at a parking lot?” He looks up to you with a stupid smirk and your mouth drops, just when I was feeling bad for him. 

You lean your body weight into him and push as he laughs and fuck it, you're smiling too, ear to ear and it feels like 1980. Your heart is pounding against your rib cage at his statement before the kiss comment, he leans back into you. Have a kid, thats funny to you. “What makes you think-jesus.” You giggle and Javi is at ease again. 

“Fucked if I know- last I heard you were in a committed relationship so fuck me for thinking that maybe you had a baby.” You cringe, you knew Xavier was more than likely coming to this function, you saw his sister earlier, what a beautiful disaster it would be to have Javi and Xavi in the same room again, god forbid Javier finds out the things he would say to you. Your ex would be gone by tomorrow. 

“Mmm, past tense yeah. You're not the only one who gets to make bad relationship decisions Agente.” His eyes snap to yours again at your nickname and his lips quirk to a frown after taking in your bad relationship comment. It was easier said but he wished that for you, a good relationship, it would hurt less to come home and see you happy. But you being available is making it all unbearable and the two of you have only been with each other for fifteen minutes. 

You watch Javier's expression soften, how he got prettier is beyond you. His smell had changed, still sweet yet earthy, with a hint of smoke-you would never admit to him that you liked the smell. Not after you threatened him for smoking. Your eyes flick away from him as you watch the car that had just pulled up go into park with a familiar back facing you. Right in Javier's blind spot, Jesus christ. “So what I’m gathering is that you aren’t in a relationship,-”

You interrupt him with a full arm squeeze as the leather crunches under your clawed hands. His temple creasing with his confused look he gives your pleading face. Why did this always happen, horrible timing with you two. Xavier’s walk is dominating as he quickens to approach the two of you, still nothing compared to Javier-he noticed too. God, you want to kill yourself thinking about the amount of times he didn't make you come…and he was a prick and you stayed, for so long. 

Javier’s nostrils flare at the realization, remembering that you ended up choosing fucking Xavier, the loser who attempted to slut shame you the first time you all met. Well, Javier left you when you had shit taste but he held hope out for you, hoped that you’d realize how good you were. Xavier is in front of the two of you with a smile and in his camo military get up. “Long time no see Javier.” He holds out his hand for Javi to shake but Javier stares at it for a few seconds. Never liked him.

He shakes it anyway and Xavier exhales with a laugh. Dork. He then looks at you with a smile, his eyes scanning over your body. 

You feel your breath die in your throat at the thought of how he spoke of your body just two years ago. You gained weight in high school, god forbid . It was around thirty pounds and it hadn't bothered you, you were still healthy-you body just had began turning more womanly. Throughout the entire relationship he found some way to slyly imply that your natural body was one to be ashamed of. And you lost the weight when you split up, not purposefully but because the dining hall food was putrid. So the gaze of your ex makes your stomach flip and Javier notices your change in body language. He crosses his arms and puffs his chest slightly but he doesn't need to; he already towers Xavier, “Yeah man, what is it that you do now?” he asks tauntingly. 

Xavier smiles and points to his military cap, “I’m back on base in Cali in a few months…” His green eyes move to your rigid stance with a small smile that makes Javier’s blood boil. “Guess you've always liked men in uniform DeeDee,” While he gives you whiplash with the horrendous nickname he gave you back in the day, he wags his finger between you and Javier. 

Javier’s eyes narrow at the boy and shakes his head, asshole , he mutters and Xavier doesn't catch on as his perverted eyes drag down your frame again, “I’ve got to get inside but I saw you leaving the gym where 7-11 used to be, you look great now, see you inside.” He grips your shoulder and is entering the party before Javier could react with attempting to get at him but he was gone.Your heart is full in worst ways, so full of disdain and hatred, feeling like an insecure seventeen year old again with his cunning ways to be an asshole towards you. Your hands fly to your face to pinch the bridge of your nose, too much all at once .

Javier’s hand is on the curve of your back in a familiar comforting hold, too much. Your eyes sting but they are shut, not today. “God, I fucking hate him so much-sorry” Javier feels your anxiety and anger burn off your skin and it makes him crazy. Just in the small interaction Javier understands what you meant about bad decisions . Javier had learned a lot in training about self control, he learned how to regulate his emotions well. It worked so well with Lorraine, the arguments stopped being explosive. But to hell with training, he didn't care the scandal it would ignite if the man of the night ran into the kids party and beat the military man bloody.  

You look down at your own body and step away from Javier's hold, “um… please just tell my family I went home early.” Pull away, distance, more unsaid things, you had more to say you just cant do it not after seeing Xavier. You’d be sick by the time you get home. 

Javier’s heart leaped at your distance and lack of eye contact. What happened to his smiling girl, querida. Feeling like a teen who had just been pushed away by a pretty girl, Javi stutters, “Yeah-I-I’ll tell them, just how do I”

You grip your purse and smile fakely, you’ll make sure to cry about him later. “I’ll call you tonight.” The wind pulls up and shifts your long skirt as you give Javier Peña a thin lipped smile. Javier tried not to break out in a face of relief, instead he nods you off and he watches until you safely get in your car and pull out of the lot.

Jesus christ you could drive now.

He felt like such an asshole. 

#javier peña #javier peña x ofc #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena x you #javier peña smut #ao3 #fanfic #javier peña narcos #javier pena x reader

[cryptidclaw]

I’m re-reading Bluestar’s Prophecy- and ummm. I released that Thrushpelt never actually showed any interest in Bluefur until she was made a warrior. Well, a little after.

He was only friendly with her as a kit and apprentice because that’s the type of Tom he is. And for those saying they have a big age gap, they really don’t. Thrushpelt was made a warrior right about the time Bluefur was born, and not all apprentice-ships are the same: his could have been short, long or even just normal. So he’s just around a year older then her and we see cats that have a HUGE age gap, IE Leopardfoot and Pinestar, who is literally older then her parents.

Just this; mind blows me how there is so much hate on the ship for that. Like bro. Bro bro bro. You just read the book wrong.

Ya, I think a big problem is that in warriors, cats mentally age from babies to 18 yr old adults in the span of one year and then their aging slows drastically after that.

A 1 yr old cat and a 2 yr old cat are both mentally young adults and are able to have a perfectly healthy relationship, but the 2 yr old cat has seen the 1 yr old cat age to adult hood before their very eyes! And there's nothing that can be done about that, bec they age like cats!

I don't think we can judge a ship based on if one of the cats was a kit or apprentice when the other cat was an adult, bec due to how cat aging works thats just how its going to be!

I don't like ships where the older cat was close to the other when they were a kit or if the older was their mentor bec it just feels icky. There is a power imbalance and its just weird to think of a cat going from "that is a baby" to "oh they are hot now".

Buuut I don't think we should judge ships like Thrush/Bluestar bec there wasn't anything creepy and they weren't even close before both being adults! Plus ! There are TONS of ships with similar age gaps or even bigger ones that nobody talks about, for example: Ashfur is possibly a year or more older than Squirrelflight, same with Brambleclaw (I know these relationships aren't healthy ones but they are popular and I have never seen ppl point the age gap out).

This is just my opinion tho, I mostly try to only ship cats that are 0-3 years apart, though I don't even love the 3yr gap that much, it just depends on when they met and how they interacted when the younger was in their first year of life.

#cryptid answers #warrior cats #shipping #discouse #? possibly?

[ruinedbylanadelrey]

Obsessed with Ceilings even all these months later. Got a question: do you think that Joel & Reader would be honest to their daughters about how they met? And what do you think their daughters would think about their age gap or the fact that they first met because their dad was best friends with their mom’s dad? I’m not trying to be rude. I’m curious. Also I really this world <3

if i could live in the world of ceilings i would and be so happy.

i’m very happy that you enjoy my first fic as much as i do. please send in any requests or even questions for ceilings.

I think once the girls got older they would start asking for the story of their parents. I think Joel would just say ‘oh ask your mother’ because he doesn’t want to go through the headache of explaining the whole ‘i was her dads best friend…your grandfathers best friend’.

the reader would be so open about it with her girls. ‘How we met?…well i knew your father for a long time before we even had feelings for each other and he was actually my dads best friend’ and then proceed to tell them that ‘age gap’ relationship only happen between consenting adults.

now the age gap, the girls wouldn’t think anything of it. one it’s their normal to see an age gap relationship and two, they have a healthy relationship in front of their eyes of an age gap relationship. now the whole ‘dads best friend’ they were like ‘wow…thats a little crazy…you guys are insanely in love with each other’ and the girls are taught how love isn’t something to fight for, and that it will be given to them naturally and freely with the RIGHT person.

i think what i’m trying to say is that the girls would be more curious than judgmental about their parents relationship and story. it’s a good lesson taught to them about how love is unconditional and is a right for people. and that the ‘one’ is out there for everyone.

#ceilings!joel #ceilings!reader #joel miller

[tittysuckersworld]

What other ships do you have other than kavetham? (Also I'll answer my ship question soon dw 😭)

oh whehehe uhh id have to think a lil on that. i mean, gosh i still need to make the albedo chart for all the stuff with him. but the big thingies i ship are:

like most everyone with kaveh

4ggravate

ningguang x beidou(aka absentee mother pair[pls kazuha misses you])

whatever healthy soup polycule posibly the adult sumeru girls got.

also have shipped with albedo mostly everyone you could think of

(am just not exactly have any otps? if that makes sence? i dont have ships go agenst unless have like family notes or weird age gaps)

kaeya x timaeus all univerces they an actual otp/j but they so cute together need you to understand they so good ehfhsufjd

jean x lisa x rosaria. lesbiams, need i say more

kazuha x heizou. b-boys pwetty(and plus scara sometimes)

bennet x fischl!!!!!!!! can also go with bennet x razor and or mona x fischl but those two together is so nice to me gusbfuwnf

kaeya x childe

diluc x childe(not both at once. sry personally uncomfy wigh any kaeya diluc romantic content fusbfuene)

childe x zhongli

childe x lumine

dehya x lumine

ayaka x lumine

honestly just lumine girlboss love her ejdhsufjeudj if had to have best gorl would be her-

chongyun x xingqiu

and i haves so many are friends or general relationship hcs but thats all for genshin- i haves more in general but yee!! hope was good enough eufbuwjd and if ever wants things i hands fuenfjen

[pacifymebby]

Hey bestie im not sure if you still check this blog but it’s age gap crush anon here! I wanted to get in touch with you on your new blog but I don’t know if I could bare the humiliation of revealing my identity to you since you only have your dms open not asks/anons.

But basically im back with some big updates! So the guy who I was kinda seeing who was the rebound from AGC (age gap crush) ended up being wishy washy. He just wasn’t what I expected and when I skied him what we were after 2.5 months of talking and having had sex he said he thought of us as just friends 🤡. So I made it clear to him that I would be seeing other people and seeing him as ONLY a FRIEND. We still talk a bit but not as much and I will not be getting intimate with him again.

Now for the second update it’s about actual AGC. So it was his birthday recently and I shot him a happy birthday and he was very happy I did and then I ended up seeing him when I went out tonight we got to chatting and catching up and we talked until he left. It went so well and it was so fun. So when he got home he sent me a message saying to message him next time I’m at our favourite bar… I don’t even know what to say or do cause obviously he broke my heart but I also just miss being friends with him :/ And I don’t even know if he was just being friendly or if he’s actually interested in me again??? Sorry for the big update girly. I hope you’re doing well and are feeling good!! 💕💕

Hey lovely i am so sorry i didnt realise i didnt have anon turned on in my other ask box!!!!!

Its so nice to have an update, i love hearing from you and i really missed not hearing from you whilst i was away!

I think that was a healthy and solid decision from you about wishy washy rebound man, he sounds like he wasnt what you wanted at all and idk, you can do better i think. Its also quite telling if now youre not having sex the rest of that relationship peters out, itll show that there was no depth to your connection and that you werent even really meant to be friends. But if he keeps talking to you and stuff without you giving him sex then thats nice and at least you have a pal.

I mean generally men wont ask you to contact them again unless they want you to.i think if he was just being polite he wouldnt have said for you to let him know next time youre there.

It also sounds like from what went down, that you had a connection and liked eachother. I couldnt say whether he still has feelings for you or not but id say him reaching out to you and wanting to be friends at least shows you he has respect for you in a way or a desire to spend time with you.

I think you should try and be casual about it, and be guarded too, he broke your heart and you cant be certain he wont do it again. But didnt he end things last time because he was still fucked up from his last relationship? He maybe just needed time, and hes maybe realised hes missed you you never know?

I think its worth maintaining the friendship and seeing what happens next. Dont let your feelings run away with you, even though i know that can be difficult. I think dont wait around on him coming back like that too long, but you can give him time.

Thank u for the update lovely, manifesting positive things for you and less wishy washy confusing men!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[vadersaber]

I will say its not a imaging themseves with Pedro thing. It is specifically the character I can assure people. Its not a Pedro thing its a Pedro as JOEL thing.

And to be fair, part of such a drastic age gap is just a fantady allure of the taboo. No one realistically thinks that this would be healthy or normal but they can explore a more taboo fantasy in a safe and healthy enviroment that they control. They get a bad rep when most age gap fics then to be born from a very normal "im this age and i like a character thats this age so im going to write a little fantasy to work out how that relationship would work out if it were safe and of no damaging consequences to do." Its just the personal idea of an older stronger man who could take care of you mixed with the much more normal secret relationship trope.

People don't like it but hell theres a lot of fics in the Pedro fandom for certain tropes I hate reading but they don't get dissected as much by its detractors.

Most dont write it as a way to cope, it's just a specific fantasy that is fun to explore in a controlled authorial enviroment where no harm is actually at risk. It's not about fantasizing themsleves with Pedro or something with coping or anything. It's just a subset of tropes that is as normal to daydream about as something like enemies to lovers.

And this is coming from a writer who does not write age gap, herself. Just a two cents input that sometimes people who dislike age gap tend to demonize that trope in a way that they don't really have any fairness in doing.

thank you for your input!! it's definitely a lot more at play than just "oh lemme write this", so this is very very good to know and to talk about.

just like with the majority of tropes, people write what they write for a number of reasons, whether because they'd like to experience that themselves or because they miss a dynamic or want to explore a dynamic in a controlled environment etc., as you yourself said.

at the end of the day, we can always block the content we are uncomfortable with and support the content we do enjoy, and that's that, nothing more complicated, and certainly nothing hateful!

#answered #pedro pascal

[skittsyteacup]

TW VENT!! dont read if ur sad or smth!!!

i hesitate to write this. genuinely. theres people i know will see it and theres those who wont but i really want to. i dont even feel upset writing this, i feel pretty good actually. i think writing this wont help, i know it wont, but itll be said right? which is better than nothing(maybe). 

some of us, and i wont name, have a horrible habit of checking accounts of people we no longer talk to and wow! you guessed it. exs fall into that. its mainly to see how theyre doing(usually /neg) or cus theyre bored. but we all get those memories. and the pain can meld to others which sucks, really. thankfully this doesnt happen often! but it still happens and it still hurts. an example is one of them sent a anon tell to an ex of ours asking if they checked their exs accounts. part of the reason why other than curiosity was because we were a little suspicious they sent us tells n shit. im more confident they dont now after a bit of research but we cant talk in headspace easily. and even so who wants to talk about their bad habits? not them. but to the actual point, ive had nightmares my whole life. i dont have dreams anymore as far as i can tell, they always morph their way into something i dont count as a decent thing. and more often than not ive found someone from our past whos hurt us a lot is always there. we had one with a man named steven who ruined our childhood a couple days ago. we screamed at him about how we hate him so fucking much and personally? thats progress! we recognize we didnt deserve it. we recognize that it was wrong and he deserves to burn. 

but quite a few of these nightmares have our most recent ex. since theyre not almost dead like steven i wont name them, ill refer to them as K. im not sure theyll see any of this. part of us hopes they will. part of me hopes that too. id like to help set the record straight.

we dated them for a year and a few days. we met on discord and grew close in a short amount of time. they were 16, i was 14. theyre 18 and im 16 now. so its been almost 2 years, its been 2 years since we met though. the relationship was good as far as i knew but now as ive grown i realize even if the age gap isnt big, thats 2 different maturities. they were hypersexual, i was asexual. the pressure made me graysexual and im also now hypersexual(in a way). i felt bad for saying no, which made me what others see as a shy partner who relies on their s/o to function. i felt bad that i didnt rely on them to exist, as if theyd get mad at me for not needing them to breath. and i think i was right too. even if they think now ‘no i wouldnt of’, i know that that would upset them. because in a way, a twisted way, thats upsetting to someone who wants to be your whole world. they want you to only need them. theyve probably changed. i hope theyve changed. 

but someone stalked their tellonym the other day to see the answer to the tell they sent and they found something else, im quoting so i dont fuck it up,  “whats your opinion on a partner that is being shy?”                                        “it’s whatever but i can’t stand overly shy partners like i’m not going to do everything for you. my ex was like that and it drove me fucking insane”              i want to scream and yell that ‘you did this, this is your fault, it was and still is a problem you created’ but ive grown too. we’ve grown. but i want to talk about how youre wrong, K. how wrong you are. you got upset when i told you no, when i wasnt ready to fuck, when i had issues sleeping, when i hung out with anyone, when my constant attention wasnt on you. you probably dont remember it like that, and thats ok but it wont change my memory in any way. you can shit talk me and i know you have about things you shouldnt. you can get angry over this. i hope you do in a healthy way and right now some of us disagree with me hoping that. back to the topic at hand, though, i felt like you would hurt me if i didnt get your permission or do something you didnt like. maybe thats why i got called co dependent. and i dont mean physically, that youd hurt me like that, i meant mentally. i wouldve dont the physical part. i know i wouldve. i know all of us wouldve. an unspoken part of our brain thought if we didnt then we didnt love you. i remember one time, i was up past 12. you woke up and saw. you got upset, made me feel like the worst person because i wasnt asleep. i went into another room and hyperventilated, having one of the worst panic attacks ive ever had. thankfull i was too distraught to search for anything harmful, and the house was small(we all slept in the living room, the other 3 rooms were in shambles(kitchen worked a little)) so searching for stuff was noisy already. and i knew if i relapsed you would make it about you. which is another thing. i dont think you ever realized it. i could never bring it up either for that reason. i didnt like talking to you about my issues because id just end the topic feeling worse than i started, but this time id also feel like i hurt you. and since you didnt like me talking to other people, and when i was i had to tell you, i just never said anything. and when id have doubts about our relationship, like i felt like you didnt love me/i didnt know how to handle something with you/you did something i didnt like/i noticed a red flag/you think im cheating, i didnt have anyone to talk to. i think i didnt break up with you because i never vocalized my doubts too. i did ask my friends during our half ass break if i seemed like a cheater, if i was like one, if i had tendencies of one. ive been cheated on before and i personally dont think im like one at all but others insight helps a lot! they said no, though, but part of me is still scared they lied. it doesnt matter much anymore though. anyway. to continue on your wrongdoings of a sort, you also accused me of cheating many times within the last week or two of our relationship because i 1) didnt let you log into my discord, you never told me why you wanted to and i wasnt ready to talk to you about a few things until i saw you(or was supposed to) 2) called you a new petname, i called you a lot of things related to the moon i dont understand why that upset you 3) everyone you talked to about us said i was cheating(ill admit, im still a bit disappointed your mom thought that too.). i cant think of anything else at the moment. but still its all bad, right? i dont know anymore. i still feel like i deserved everything you did to me. but ive been told i dont. that i didnt deserve the sexual pressure and the sexualization, that i deserved a nurturing relationship. but you still helped shape who i am now, mostly for the worst, but i know what not to do now so thats something?

im gonna end this here. its long enough, ill continue at a later date if i need to, reblogging is a thing here. i just needed somewhere to say this. theres more to say but god this is long?? enough for now??? and i need to do other things. on a side note, i hope osiris is doing well.

[soyeah-anyways]

alright i want to talk about the huntlow discourse going on cause the hate is getting on my nerves and i think its time somebody really dove deep into why people are so goddamn pissed over this.

   so the huntlow ship started around early-mid of 2021 if im correct. and i think most people(including me) didn’t really care for the ship nor thought it made sense or was like a good ship if im being honest?(sorry to all of the early huntlow shippers lol). the ship was more of a “it probably wont ever happen but its just neat to think about.” i think the rarepair ships with hunter that were REALLY popular was probably goldric. i personally think that the only reason that ship was more popular was because of the fact that huntlow is a hetero ship(unless.. t4t?) and goldirc is just like,, white and conventionally attractive(also, edric is more loved by our fandom than willow, lets be honest, our plant baby is overlooked.) so even when the huntlow ship was first introduced it wasn’t recieved well by the fandom just cause its hetero and with a character that not many people really like too much. therefore, there was already a bias against it, so when any sport in a storm came out, it pissed people off, and now people are trying to justify hating on a ship for stupid reasons. what reasons? well,

    the age gap: so a lot of people are saying that the ship is problematic because of the age gap, i think that is completely ridiculous cause 1, the age gap isnt big? they’re both in high school and its only a 2 year difference, maybe if it was a 16 and 18 year old, i would be a tiny bit concerned?(even then, its so minor that i would still probably defend it lol), but thats not even the case, its literally a 14 and a 16 year old. 

people are trying to argue by saying “oh but looking at it from a psychological/emotional aspect, its too large of a gap!” ok? by that logic, it would actually go the other way around. with willow being more mature emotionally than hunter. if you think about it, hunter has been sheltered, abused, and manipulated his whole entire life and doesn’t know what its like to live the life of a normal teen, that must have stunted his emotional growth to some degree. whilst willow was able to live a pretty normal life, with a loving family, the worst thing she’s ever gone through was some bullying and a loss of a best friend. which even though that can be traumatizing, she still had the opportunity to heal and grow as a person. while hunter still has a ways to go. if anything, willow is the one who has the advantage over him. at the end of the day, the entire argument just doesn’t make sense. just let kids be kids please. 

    trauma and relationships: so another reason why people dislike this ship is because hunter isn’t emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship atm, and what he would really need instead is a friend(where was this convo when people were shipping goldric?? hmm??) now the thing with this argument is that i actually agree, in fact i believe that nobody should get into a relationship they aren’t mentally stable for, especially if they are teens, and to see that be depicted in a tv show would be a wonderful way to show how to actually have a healthy relationship. the only thing is, toh already broke that “rule” with lumity. think about it, amity was emotionally manipulated and controlled by her parents to the point where she suffered severely from it, but the show still decided that amity needed luz to heal instead of having her heal on her own. i personally believe that you shouldn’t need another person to heal, but a LOT of shows do this because the media depicts romance in a glamourized way(this is another convo i would like to have). 

so to me? seeing huntlow do the same thing doesn’t bother me, even though yeah, it can be problematic. yknow what the thing is though? this is a cartoon, a fictional tv show, with fictional characters, and even fictional problems. not everything in a show has to have some form of in depth philosophical analysis/ideas on society. while yes, it CAN be nice to see that, its unrealistic to have that sort of expectation on a children’s tv show. i could complain about the glamorization of romance all i want but at the end of the day, it doesnt change the fact that its nice to just want to see lovable characters get into shenanigans and be happy, and there for each other. as long as the two character involved aren’t being toxic or abusive towards each other, do the technicalities of the relationship between them really matter? that’s why when i hear people say “but hunter is traumatized!” i kind of just roll my eyes because they’ve already done the same thing with lumity, but it doesn’t change the fact that the ship is still CUTE and LOVABLE and SWEET. that’s it! the characters have a nice dynamic and if anything, they could just help each other heal from whatever trauma they have. its not that deep! just let people like what they like! huntlow is NOT problematic in any universe! 

    they are just hetero(t4t headcanon tho...): yeah, thats right, im calling you guys out. you’re just mad that a hetero ship is in your owl show. bro, literally, i swear some of you guys are so toxic. like not even kidding, im embarrassed to be a part of the lgbtqia+ community at this point! it kills me inside whenever i see toxic people acting like hetero ships are the end of the world. the worst part is, these are the exact same people to claim they have an open and respectful mind! No you don’t! People need to stop projecting their anxieties when it comes to their sexuality and gender identity onto fictional characters, and then get mad when said characters don’t meet their expectations on what “good” representation is! people already threw a hissy fit over lunter,  i don’t want the same thing to happen with huntlow!

at the end of the day, just learn to be respectful. please, some of you guys need a break from social media, you guys need to get outside and interact with people. its not fair that innocent people have to deal with your bullcrap for no reason. this is a kids show, nothing in that show is real, none of the characters are real. huntlow is just an innocent, cute little ship. why y’all gotta make it seem like it’s the end of the world. sorry for the long post, i just had to get this out because it’s literally KILLING ME INSIDE. anyways, ima go read some huntlow fanfiction. peace! 

(btw, it’s totally cool if you don’t ship huntlow, or you just see them as platonic! everybody has a right to their opinion, im just calling out the problematic people who don’t seem to get that through their thick skulls. i didn’t really ship huntlow at first watch of the episode either, so i get where people are coming from when they say that they just don’t think it’s that enjoyable. if you see hunter as gay or aro/ace, or you ship willow with boscha, that’s neat! you do you! just don’t get pissed off if dana likes huntlow posts, or the storyboard artists of toh make huntlow fanart. or heck, just seeing people like the ship in general.)

#huntlow #rant #rambles #toh #the owl house #toh willow #toh golden guard #toh lumity #lumity #toh hunter #im just tired #let me enjoy my owl show pls #im ready to throw hands #im not playin #anyways #time to look at huntlow fanart

[jrhostile]

my opinion on ships that no one asked for

Teen wolf edition

scallison: 3/10 shipped them at the start but eeh just to complicated. will always be cute tho

Isaac x allison: 3/10 its just so... meh

lydia x allison: 4/10 its cute but i dont really ship it

allison x literally anyone: 3/10 i dont really like her tbh, its nothing to do with her i just... dont like her

scisaac: 10/10 its so fucking cute my gawd so much gay and they just make sense

scalia: 4/10 i dont like it when people get with there bestfriends ex honestly

sceo: 2/10 Theo definitely had a crush on Scott when they were kids but other than that, no. It just doesn't feel right, they're dynamic is way off and just agghh

scott x kira: 8/10 it was so damn cute and their relationship was just so healthy until the very end goddamn

malia x kira: 8/10 that dancing scene was immaculate and just their dynamic was so juicy

stalia: 5/10 it was cute at times but ehhhh, i understand were people are coming from but not for me

sterek: 11/10 they are the moment. and before people say "tHe AgE dIfFeReNcE" they actually only have a 2-3 year age gap so its fine

stydia: 7/10 i used to be a HARDCORE stydia shipper but now its just so meh but dont worry they will always be cute

stiles x erica: 3/10 there was no actual connection it was just her having boobs and looking at stiles then suddenly every one was like "OMG I SHIP IT UWU STERICA ENDGAME" but i cant really talk cause i ship kyle x bow from she-ra

boyle x erica: 8/10 now this is a ship i can get by. they were so cute and i just cant explain how they made me happy but they did

stiles x cora: 3/10 again, no real connection. but they had a cool friendship

isaac x cora: 3/10 he thought she was hot and thats pretty much it so... yeah

Liam x hayden: 4/10 it was cute but in the end i didnt like how she was acting towards him and i lowkey had to search up her name for this because i forgot it

brett x liam: 3/10 i love enemies to lovers and i mf-ing CRIED when brett died but i just dont think they would work

brett x mason: 2/10 bsf's enemy to lovers isnt a thing and will never be a thing, fight me bitch ass

hayden x tracy: 5/10 it was a nice ship and they made sense but again, idgaf bout hayden so i dont actively ship her with anyone

theo x tracy: no one actually ships this so ima not even rate it

thiam: 100000001/10 YES YES YES their relationship was beautifully formed and im so sad they didnt make them get together. i swear to the god that Theo doesnt believe in i will rip of my own arms and feed them to myself if they dont get together in the movie

morey: 12/10 they are so cute, their relationship was so healthy, they fit like a puzzle and understand each other. i want everything about their relationship, i want it, its mine

melissa x noah: 1/10 i rather them as friends and while i love the idea of Stiles and Scott being step-bro's i just... dont... ship... them

melissa x chris: 6/10 i thought they were sweet and i just enjoyed them

jordan x lydia: 2/10 pedocore

Peter x anyone: 2/10 i feel like he is demiromantic so i dont really ship him with anyone

#teen wolf #i did the marauders one a while back so i decided to do a teen wolf one #i did miss a few but im to lazy to go through all of them #thiam #thiam au #theo raeken #liam dunbar #scott mccall #stiles stilinski #corey bryant #mason hewitt #brett talbot #lydia martin #malia hale #malia tate #i feel like shit #sterek #scisaac

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Richard (III) Ships Ranking;

Hey, i wanted to make this for fun cause i kinda wanted to talk about this. There might me more ships but those are the main ones so here we go.

5) Buckingham;

This is the last one because their relationship mostly based on sexual relationships, desires. The thing made them together is literally ambitious, when Richard chose to become demon and even cheating. Not to mention most of the ime he viewed their sexual relationship as painfull, he wanted to be in pain, thats why he chose it. Yes, Buckingham is the only one who was lucky enough to sleep with Richard. It also really helps Richard to accept his woman-side too. But it was really toxic and Buckingham is really too possessive and agressive. When Richard was harrassed, he literaly said ‘did he make you dirty’, ‘i want to have all of you and also want to escape from you’ thing, thats not love. Thats possesion and its too toxic. And even though, they both clearly opened their feelings to each others, they still find a way to not ending up together, lol.

4) Henry;

My first issue with Henry and Richard was big age gap since Henry’s age was closer to Richard’s father age and Henry literally has a son whose age is same as Richard. And when they first met, Richard was literally child. But well, Henry’s sitution is understandable since heis really mentally sick character whose life was contolled by others. He is even raped by queen. So its understandable why he is so childish and fond of Richard too. But well, the real issue was...Henry is really became big pain for Richard. Lets accept it. Henry mostly works as first love. Even Richard admitted that he viewed Henry as father figure mostly, thats why he was mostly into him.

3) Anne;

Here’s why this is not why first or second one in this ranking....This was my first ship with Richard cause of how healthy and understanding their relationship was. They both had equal, calm, stable relationship. Richard admitted that he can become himself with her. But Anne is also the one who gave up on Richard the most easiely, especially when we compared her with others. This is why even in most pictures, Anne is hardly there.

2) Edward;

I would never have thought that i would like this dynamic to the point it would be my second one. Why its second? Why i love it more than Anne x Richard or others? Because, Edward is one of the bravest character when it comes to love. He was honest for what he wanted and he tried it until the end. Because of how much he tried, i put him before Anne x Richard. But its not first one because issue with this ship was it was too one side. And it mostly work that way.

1) Catesby;

Why he is the first? Well. My first issue was with this ship that he is his caretaker and he is fond of him since he is baby. He is his kinda caretaker. But well, i would like to think that he developed romantic feelings later. But besides that, Catesby seems the best choice.

Look, I loved whole shoujo thing. I really enjoyed with all ships to some point. I enjoyed with sexual relationship and whole passion between Richard and Buckingham. I enjoyed with the drama between Henry and Richard. I enjoyed with the calm, stable relationship between Anne and Richard. I enjoyed with all entertaining scenes between Edward and Richard. But lets accept it. There is a reason in story that why all those relationships didnt work out.

Yes, Catesby doesnt speak his feelings but i think he works the best as ending game. Richard’s choosing the one who was always there for him, who is the most loyal person, realising him would be the best. Also Catesby eventually learning to speak up his feelings etc etc this is just works better as canon ending ship. That Richard choosing him and they live happiely ever after.

(All those characters deserves better though. And thanks Joan for kinda protecting Richard. She is not part of the harem but whatever, just saying).

(I think at the end, Richard most likely dies but well, i would like to imagine that he just become together with Catesby and they live happiely ever after.).

#requiem of the rose king #richard iii #henry #buckingham #edward #anne #catesby #richard s harem #ship ranking #Baraou No Souretsu #this is just for fun #joan #the witch

[moralesispunk]

Old Guys Rule

Frankie Morales x Female Reader

Summary: With a birthday coming up, Frankie's insecurities about the age gap in your relationship start to get the better of him

Warnings: legal age gap relationship, insecurities about said age gap, mentions of children but no mentions of how they came to be in the relationship

I found this hat in a shop in Cornwall and I had to write this!

"Are you wanting to do anything on your birthday? I was thinking about booking a table down at that Italians you like and asking your Mom to watch the girls but if you have plans with the guys I can find a different day?" you looked over your shoulder at Frankie from where you had been scrolling through the booking page of the restaurant.

"Hmm? No, dinner sounds fine," Frankie answered, his head not lifting up from his phone as his face stayed firmly unbothered.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to..." you trailed off as you turned back to the laptop that was resting on the kitchen counter, not convinced by Frankie's response.

"What?" you could tell that his head had whipped up to look at yours now you had turned around, "No, dinner sounds good, yes. Thank you."

You didn't answer, instead scrolling up and down on the page for a minute as you tried not to take his response too personally. It had been a while since you and Frankie were able to go out for dinner just the two of you, finding it more difficult to get some alone time since the new baby came along and you now had the two girls, so you thought he would like the idea of a romantic dinner alone.

You could hear Frankie's footsteps pad across the kitchen floor until he was leaning against the counter next to you. Avoiding his gaze as he crossed his arms over his chest, mimicking the way his ankles were now crossed over one another, you filled in the booking information before closing the laptop. Without looking at him you turned in the chair to stand but Frankie's hand fell on your wrist stopping you.

"Hey," his voice was soft, "I do want to go out for dinner with you and thank you for booking the place that I like, I just-." Frankie sighed and let you wrist go before dragging his hand down his face as he let his eyes drop to the floor, "I'm just not looking forward to this birthday. I'm in my late forties now!"

"I think you're still mid-forties."

"So much better," he rolled his eyes.

"So you're not looking forward to your birthday because... you're going to be a year older? Forty-six years and thats you just realising how birthdays work?"

"It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing, I'm wondering why that's upsetting you. Whether or not you're looking forward to it you can't stop it."

"You'll make fun of me if I tell you why," his foot was swinging out in front of him before crossing it back over the other again.

"Maybe, but we've been married for six years so I think I'm allowed to make fun of you."

A smile was tugging at the corner of Frankie's lips when he finally looked up to you, his head leaning slightly to the side as he met your eyes. Frankie loved everything about you but he especially loved how relaxed you made him feel. Even though he wasn't in a good mood when you started talking birthday plans, instead of giving in to it you pulled him back from it. You had done it ever since you met him. Frankie could tell you, and has told you, his deepest, darkest secrets and fears and you don't shy away. You don't pull him further into the darkness; you just listen and make him feel comfortable until you help him out the other side.

"I know there isn't a bigger gap between us now that there had been when we first started dating because thats not possible but it just feels bigger now? Like, you're still able to keep up with Sofia when she runs rings around us even after you've been up all night with the baby. You don't have to hold the menu back to read it more clearly when we got out for dinner. You don't have to think about having a sore back for a week if we fall asleep on the couch when watching a movie. You don't even fall asleep when watching movies at eight at night but somehow I do!"

You let his breathing settle a little before you pulled him to stand between your legs, resting your hands on his chest.

"Is it about all these small things or is there something bigger to it?"

You tilted your head to catch his gaze as Frankie's eyes fell to the floor again, stopping him with two fingers under his chin and lifting his eyes to meet yours.

"I just worry that you don't want to be with an old guy like me," he sighed, his hands resting on your thighs.

"I'll have you know that I love that your an old guy. I fall more in love with you every day as you get older. I love that you run around enough with Sofia until you're tired because you don't want to stop. I think you're cute when you have to squint at the menu because you're too stubborn to get glasses, even though I think you would look very handsome in them. And I like giving you back massages when it gets sore because its just an excuse to get my hands on your very sexy, super hot, handsome DILF self."

Frankie barked a laugh, his forehead falling against yours as his hands reached up to cup your face.

"I love you so much, you know that."

"I do, and I love you."

His lips found yours, pressing a soft kiss to them. Just as his mouth opened to push his tongue into yours the sound of tiny footsteps running into the kitchen pulled you both away.

"Mama, Papa!" the voice cheered as Frankie leaned down to swing Sofia up, groaning as he did so.

None of what you had said to Frankie was a lie. You truly did love him more and more every day.

As time went on it had been kind to Frankie. He had fought off his demons for the most part, nightmares only sneaking in every so often, and it showed. He carried a lightness with him, not being weighed down by his past anymore. His eyes crinkle at the side when he smiles, which he does more now than ever. His face has filled out a little more in a healthy way. His jaw is also covered in a patchy beard that now has spots of grey that you love the most even if Frankie doesn't believe you.

❀❀❀

You let Frankie lie in on the morning of his birthday, getting the girls up and ready so you could have a lazy breakfast together before you dropped them at their Gran's while you and Frankie go out for dinner. After sorting out a breakfast, having to start again after Sofia wanted to help and ended up spilling the batter over the countertop instead of in the pan, you carried it upstairs with the girls in tow.

Frankie was already waking up as you opened the door, his face lighting up with a wide grin when he spotted you balancing the baby in one arm and carefully carrying the tray in the other as Sofia carried bags of birthday presents.

"Happy birthday," you and Sofia chimed with a small gurgle coming from your side.

"My beautiful girls, thank you!"

Frankie lifted Sofia onto the bed with the presents, settling her into his side, before taking the tray of pancakes from your hands. Once it was safe on his lap he lifted his head, catching your lips in a kiss, before you sat across from him.

You managed to get through breakfast before Sofia had spoke about opening the presents again and once the tray was placed on the bedside table you got to opening the gifts. With baby girl back asleep and placed on Frankie's chest, Sofia pulled the paper off them more so than Frankie, handing him the opened presents as he thanked you all. Once all the presents that were on the bed were opened you leaned across and pulled another from your bedside.

"One more," you smiled knowingly and Frankie narrowed his eyes at you as you handed him the small bag.

He snaked his arm from around Sofia, holding baby girl close to his chest as he put his hand inside the bag and pulled out a hat.

"Oh a new hat, thanks babe I love-" he stopped when he read the front, looking at you with a grin on his face.

"What does it say?!" Sofia asked, pushing her head in front of her Dad's to see the cap he was holding.

"It says Old Guys Rule!" you exclaimed.

"Because Dad is old," Sofia flung her head back in a fake laugh that bellowed around the room.

"Is that right?" Frankie tickled her sides until she was giggling for real and her head was lying next to her sleeping sister's on Frankie's chest.

"Dad is old, but he's still cool isn't he?" you reached across and pulled Sofia onto your lap as she nodded.

"How does it look?" Frankie pulled it onto his head, a little wonky as he was only working with one hand with the other resting on the tiny body on his chest.

You and Sofia both put your thumbs up and you laughed.

"Four out of four thumbs up!"

"Thanks babe," he chuckled, lifting his hand to settle the cap a little tighter on his head.

"You're welcome, you look even more handsome today. Forty-six suits you," you winked and he smiled.

Yes, Frankie was getting older but he was becoming happier and healthier and you were falling more in love with him every single day.

//

Permanent tag// @phoenixhalliwell @asta-lily @hb8301 @princess76179 @sarahjkl82-blog @spideysimpossiblegirl @blackmarketmummy @bison-writes @dihra-vesa @queridopascal @sfr99 @rosiefridayrogersunday

#frankie morales #frankie catfish morales #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie catfish morales x you #frankie catfish morales x reader #headcannon #oneshot #fic #fanfic

[mcd-ms-rants]

sorry for the delay I’ve been really busy lately but it’s here now!!

STUFF I DIDNT LIKE ABOUT PDH SEASON 1:-

• ya theres nothing good to mention here

• Before the door opens Aph keeps mentioning a crowd that doesn’t exist. where is the crowd?? When the doors open she says k let’s go with the crowd now- girl I hate to break it to you but you’re the only one moving

• I JUST NOTICED THIS but when Aphmau uploads her pic on instagram she’s got 283000 on there. wayyy to many for a homeschooled loner who just has this one online friend. we get it she’s the protag but please

• LAURANCE MY BELOVED

• finally a season where he actually exists

• this school has enough budget to continually replace broken windows in the werewolf class but not enough to get a sane principal or a decent healthy plotline

• sdhjshdh pdh zane’s voice

• KC. WHAT IS HER CHARACTER HERE. also technically since Aphmau and Aaron are real people in the aphverse she’s shipping real people?? And shes been shipping them here in pdh, where they have almost a four year age gap which is NOT HEALTHY. Not to mention that as always she has like no character development

• SPEAKING OF THE FOUR YEAR AGE GAP WHAT WAS THAT. we get it it happened the same way for you irl you wanted to promote aarmau as the main ship but let’s be real there were SO MANY WAYS that could’ve gone better. they could’ve had a smaller age gap or gotten together after pdh when their both more mature and understanding of their own wants and needs in a relationship. Putting it here, where aphmau is completely oblivious and innocent and aaron is gonna graduate by the end of the year ISNT HEALTHY and MAKES NO SENSE from a plot standpoint. also I’m pretty sure Aaron was held back a year WHICH MEANS HES 18-19 AND TRYING TO GET WITH APHMAU WHO IS 14-15!!! YA WTF JESS??!!

• I’m sorry lmao the knocking when Aphmau discovers Aaron is fc

• Dante is a cheater and this is also somehow ok. why doesn’t Travis or Aphmau tell him it’s wrong. how are they good friends if they let him do it even till mys s2 and don’t say anything even after that

• Vylad is a whole mood right there

• that weird dream that Aphmau keeps getting of ??irene?? telling her to confess to aaron makes no sense but was probably foreshadowing mys s4, s5 and s6 since I’m pretty sure aaron was a werewolf in the dream and aph was using the irene voice tho idk if jess thought this far ahead from here itself. any other theories that you all have??

• lol Zane is on FIRE at the ro’meave dinner he’s not gonna let Garroth have anything and i love it

• tho garroth kissing aphmau without consent was probably not the best way to get your feelings across just sayin :/

• same with laurance honestly,,, stop kissing her randomly thanks

• why does Aphmau keep leading garroth and laurance on like that?? It took like 20 episodes for the guys to put their foot down and for Aphmau to realize what she was doing had bad consequences

• I miss jeffory this is one of the rare moments we get to see him

• Gene calling Aphmau kitty could be taken in a number of ways and each one gets progressively worse. she’s uncomfortable with it that’s clear and i feel like this shouldn’t have been the way gene showed that he wasn’t nice

• Aphmau constantly gets meif’wa to follow her for mouse toys. why are they treated this way?? can I call that meif’wa racism?? why are they portrayed as (somewhat) airheads who love mouse toys and will do anything for them can we portray them in a nicer way with yknow actual unique features of their own

• teony is so underrated but I love her she’s best girl

• all of Aphmau‘s friends are ok with aphmau getting closer to Aaron like DO NONE OF THEM SEE THE AGE GAP

• it would’ve been nice to see janus and lillian some other characters that werent best friends with Aphmau. yes there’s Zane and Gene but they’re antag for like one episode each and you can’t seriously tell me that the whole of the remaining school body loves Aphmau and is on good terms with her

and thats about it. as always if I think of more points I’ll edit them in

no I did not put too much jo9 content, you’re too much jo9 content

thanks for reading!! <3 <3

#zane ro'meave #garroth ro'meave #vylad ro'meave #aphmau #katelyn the firefist #travis valkrum #lucinda #kawaii~chan #aphmau teony #aaron lycan #aphmau gene #aphmau dante #jeffory the golden heart #pdh s1 rant

[antiloreolympus]

7 Anti LO Asks

1. i see LO fans say "she can rewrite the myths as much as she wants! it doesnt matter if it doesnt have to be 100% the same!" which to an extent i agree, but RS does it to such extremes and obviously changing everything and everyone to fit her narrative that it doesn't match any of the original myths. why even use the myths to begin with if you throw 99% of it out anyway? in the beginning she at least tried to tie it back, but now it's just fanfic, and it's not even good fanfic at that.

2. yall theres not even height diversity in LO, how the hell would there be body diversity? even the colors arent diverse, persephone isnt even unique anymore outside of her ugly red eyes (which other characters have anyway).

3. i saw someone say the reason LO is dragging so long is because rachel "needs all that time to set up hxp's relationship on a healthy base" which like first off what comic are you ready if you think any part of her depiction is anything but a toxic nightmare but also?? do they know only maybe three weeks have passed in all this time?? by all accounts they're actually rushing everything and not putting a healthy base on anything. its a slow burn for the readers, not the actual couple.

4. SO LIKE …. I WASNT AWARE OF ALL THIS AND I WAS INTERESTED IN LO FOR A GOOD WHILE BUT LIKE … “the damaging nature of purity culture” HELLO? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE OF THIS SHIT …… YIKES ………

same anon as the one who came in all caps freaked out about this shit unaware of it for the longest time but like . distressed since i spent MONEY to read this. ugegjhrh. the ableism, the blatant “pedophilia-but-not-quite”, the homophobia, the classism. i am quite literally jsut… Blind. to these things. not by intent, but bcos im just stupid by solid default. but jesus christ i dont like this author anymore.

5. part of the reason too LO rings hollow is because it keeps being "look how attractive and desirable hades is!" when thats not how it works. his desirability shouldnt be based off having a six pack or having the most money or having women fight over him, it should be that he has a good personality and is just all around a well written character, which he isn't. in fact he has more to him that makes him unattractive, and not even in a "attractive bad boy" way, he's just an awful person.

6. Hades “Minthe you need to take responsibility for your self” (offers her no support other than finically and a job aka controlling her life)

Also hades “don’t worry about murdering those people Kore you’re powerful, and you know what I’ll drive you to therapy after I have your family over for a party . While we’re at it let me spoil you with presents  and hide you from my brother. How about on top of that I’ll defend you against my brother instead of brushing this trial off.”

7. tbh i dont buy rachel's "im trying to have a laugh at' excuse for the age gap. you do not purposely make her so borderline underage and even have the characters point out its gross just to be like "its no big deal!" esp when hades and co are made to such extreme ages. she could still have the same personality and desires/goal at 1k+ years old, and its clear rachel is just trying to save face for making such an icky idea instead of just admitting LO is just a mix of her fanfic kinks.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical