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#BARK BARK SNARL
siegelst · 2 years
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yooo what if 1 mortician is a good guy *undertaking Betty*  and the other is a bad guy *the water man* and the water man has it all lined up. sure he kills people but he’s the mortician as well so that’s is double luck for him and no one be the wiser.  y’all im screaming!!!! WHY THE FCK DID THEY MISSED THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE BUSSEY A BAD GUY???
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dragoncarrion · 1 year
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if these two bitches dont write down their project data right fucking now im going ballistic
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carlisle06art · 2 months
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“Zhak vo’n’ash duj- source of my bruises”
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kisses4lao · 6 months
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Pov local Lin Kuei ninja gets FUCKED!!!! REAL NOT CLICK BAIT!!!!!
Bi Han x fem!reader LMAO (ARRANGED MARRIAGE TROPE!!!! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOURE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT AND IF YOU CONTINUE AND YOU GET UPSET THATS A YOU PROBLEM)
Tw/cw: arranged marriage!trope, fem!reader, praise, possibly ooc bi han, bi hans raging daddy issues, breeding kink, SLOW BURN!!!!!, mentions of blood and injuries, soft sex, piv, pwp, probably like really fucking long, bi han is really soft, simp bi han but not at first, unprotected sex, creampie, he eats pussy like his life depends on it, oh yeah cunnilingus, missionary, cursing
Not proofread eat my ass
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Growing up as Madam Bo's granddaughter had its perks, but it most definitely had strings attached.
You had practically gotten everything you wanted growing up, but at the expense that you had to marry the head ninja of the Lin Kuei, Bi Han. His father, the grandmaster of the Lin Kuei had made a deal with Madam Bo; if she gave you to him, she'd have the best of protection and his oath for the rest of her life. It was something she couldn't pass up on.
After she had practically sold you to the man she made sure you knew how to be a good wife. Knowing how to cook and clean being one of the main things she taught you. She knew you didn't want this, so she tried her hardest to make life for you better. She would buy you anything you wanted but nothing helped.
Once you and Bi Han were officially 18, you had gotten legally married. Luckily Madam Bo let you have some liberty in the ceremony to try and alleviate some stress. However, once the knowledge that you had just been legally bound with a man you had just met set in, absolutely nothing could make you feel better.
You had no idea what kind of man he was. Was he a rude man? Would he make you do things you weren't ready for? Walking down the aisle suddenly became a lot harder as you started to feel lightheaded. Finally getting to stand in front of him for the first time made you feel disgusting. How could your own grandmother do this to you? You practically have nothing ahead of you as far as life goes except for this.
You felt so betrayed you couldn't even look him in the eyes. Every time he tried to touch you you'd shutter and pull away. The party afterwards was a mess, too. You were sitting next to him as you'd poke at your food, not having enough energy to eat. Bi Han wouldn't eat either, he would just observe the room and make occasional glances at you.
His father was next to him, feeding him information about how to treat you, making sure to be loud enough that you would hear. "She's your wife now, she's expected to do everything you say. You don't have to treat her with respect, she's here to serve you." Bi Han let out an angry sigh every time he said something and wouldn't say a word.
"Look at her. She isn't even eating her food. She's ungrateful, you're just going to let her treat others like this? She should be taught a lesson." You could see Bi Han tense up at this, he had clenched has jaw and fists out of frustration from his father. "Maybe she's just not hungry. That isn't her fault, father. Leave her alone."
His father let out an angry scoff at Bi Hans response. "I give you a woman that other men would kill for and you just don't care? You're both ungrateful swines. Don't expect me to give you anything anymore." This statement didn't affect Bi Han, he just continued to sit with his arms crossed and eyes closed, waiting for this to end.
The party was finally over and Bi Han led you back to the house you two would be sharing from now on. The walk over was quiet with the only sound being the soft crunches of feet hitting the dirt and the sounds of the woods surrounding the two of you. As you arrived at a cottage just outside of the Lin Kuei temple, Bi Han would unlock the door and hold it open for you.
As you stepped in, everything had suddenly changed. It was such a beautiful cottage, it was made of stone and cherry blossom wood, it was decorated with crystals and cultural items that meant a lot to the Lin Kuei. "Father had gotten this custom made for you and me. Do you like it?" He suddenly turns to and looks at you with an expression unreadable. Eyes wide and seeking an answer you'd hopefully give him.
"It's amazing, not at all what I had expected from your father." You said with a chuckle. Bi han gives you a soft smile, "You haven't spoken at all today, I was getting worried. Hearing your voice for the first time really changed my perspective on our current situation. Although we have just met, we really should take things slow." He holds out his hand for you to take, leading you around the house so you'd know where everything is.
"Kuai Liang and I went shopping for clothing for you. It isn't much, but tomorrow I will make sure he takes you out so you can get more." He leads you into your shared bedroom, taking in how huge it was. He lets go of you so you can look around as he watches your every move, taking in that he was now married to you. His father really wasn't joking when he said other men would kill for you.
"I appreciate the thought a lot, Bi Han. You don't have to spend money on me anyway, I'll be fine with everything here." You say as you look through the wardrobe he selected for you. Not much? There's thousands of dollars worth of clothing in here! Is he insane?
"Father insists. He says that you should get more modest and feminine clothing, that you should be covered so other men don't think of you in perverted ways. Me, personally, I think he should shut the fuck up. He clearly doesn't know how to treat a woman." The last few sentences made your head snap you look at him, shock written all over your face.
He stood in the doorway as he let you take everything in, he was calm, a lot calmer than he was at the ceremony. "He isn't a good person, y/n. I seriously hope he stays away from us, everything he was saying earlier made me pissed beyond belief. No wonder he can't keep a woman, he treats them like objects. I won't let him treat you like that either."
As he stood waiting for your response, all you could do was just stare. He looked to the floor as he could sense your shock. Did he really just say all that?
"I think it's best we sleep in separate beds for a while. You can sleep in here, I'll take the couch." Before you could offer an actual bed to him, he had already left.
Months have passed in your marriage and yet he was still distant. He'd come home late and barely say a word to you, simply just humming in response to anything you say. He wouldn't sleep in the same bed as you either. He'd insist you weren't close enough yet.
You could tell he wasn't getting enough sleep on the couch, so you insisted, practically begged him to sleep in your room. Even after offering to sleep on the couch, he still wouldn't budge.
Bi han had told you he was going to be out for longer one night, he told you not to wait for him, that he'd make his own food. Something about a huge mission that was dangerous, it was what he was training for for the past few weeks.
Because of this, you couldn't sleep. Something told you to stay awake and wait for him. Would a good wife really just sleep in a time like this? With her husbands life in such risk? The thought of it kept you up as you paced back and forth for hours, just waiting for him to come through the door.
The clock had hit 3 AM by the time you heard the soft sound of the front door unlock. Snapping your head in the direction of the noise, you saw your husband walk through the door. Your tired, extremely disheveled haired, blood drenched uniformed husband.
"Bi Han! What happened? Are you hurt?" You ran to him, quickly looking over his unmasked face and his arms, examining the multiple bloody cuts that were exposed. He let out a sigh as he began to take his uniform off.
"Cmon, we're going to the bathroom, I have to bandage you up." You took his hand and led him to the bathroom in your shared room, closing the door behind you and guiding him to sit on the countertop.
You pulled out the first aid box and grabbed everything you needed: bandages, hydrogen peroxide, gauze, and sterile pads. Grabbing two towels, you dampened one with warm water and started cleaning the dried blood. "I really wish you were more careful. I don't like seeing you get this hurt." You say as you dampen the second cloth, putting peroxide on it.
You dab the open wounds on his face first, being careful not to hurt him too much. You then take his right arm, it had a huge slash on it, luckily not deep enough to need stitches but deep enough to cause issues if not cleaned. You held his arm over the sink and slowly started to pour the peroxide on it.
Bi Han would make soft grunts in pain as you would do this, having you lead up with "sorry," and "I know, I know," over and over. When you were finally done with the cleaning, you took a large sterile pad and draped it over his arm wound. Wrapping the gauze around it and tapping it, you put a small bandage around his nose and you were done.
You hopped off the counter and ran a warm bath for him, leading him to stand up so you could undress him. As you started to undress him, however, he lightly grabbed your wrist. "I can do this myself. Join me, would you?" He says that with a soft smile. You nodded and you began to strip your clothing as well. Once the water was done running, you added some nice cleansing soap so you'd be able to clean him better.
As you were crouched down and mixing the water till bubbly, Bi Han picked you up by the waist and plopped you in the bath tub. He followed in after you, and you started to clean his bloody arms with the soapy bubbles. He watched you do this and was seemingly pleased, as he didn't interrupt you at all. As you started to clean his neck and face, you moved into him more, but still couldn't reach him from your position.
Bi Han picked up on this, he grabbed you again and placed you on his lap, resting his hands on your waist. You and him have never been this close, you two havent even touched each other and here he is willingly putting you on waist as you were both in the bath tub.
You didn't mind it however, you just continued cleaning him. After a few minutes of gentle scrubbing, he was clean. You place both hands on his cheeks and rub small circles with your thumbs. He began to relax and you gave him a small smile. "I missed you. I'm glad you're okay."
Bi Han was a bit surprised at that and he returned the smile. He slowly leaned in and gave you a small kiss on the lips. This was the first time you've ever kissed, not even on your wedding day. But something about it felt so right. He departed from your lips but you stayed close to him. You decided to go back in for another one, this time he leaned into it.
It was a lot more passionate than you thought it would be, almost as if he was waiting to be able to do this. He moved one of his hands from your waist to the small of your back, pressing down slightly and making you lean in more. He slowly pulled away and leaned on the back of the tub, sliding his other hand up your back and resting just below your shoulder blades.
You rested your head in his chest and wrapped your arms around his torso, slowly drifting off to sleep. He watched you do so, mesmerized by how at peace you looked. He waited until you were fully asleep to take you out of the bath tub, he dressed you and tucked you into bed.
When you woke up in the morning, you felt something around your waist, something unfamiliar. You slowly turned around to see Bi Han, sleeping peacefully with his arms around you.
Ever since that day, Bi Han had grown a liking to you. Whenever he would be on missions he would bring back small trinkets for you, usually luxury jewelry of sorts. He would also open up to you more and insisted on sleeping in the same bed as you. You were more than happy to oblige and your days usually ended in your husband cuddling you to sleep.
With him changing as a man for you, you'd often get letters from Kuai and Tomas, thanking you for whatever you did to Bi Han. According to them, he was being a lot less strict and more understanding, and they couldn't be more grateful for you helping him.
One day, you had decided to make Bi Han a luxurious dinner. Filled with protein and a shit ton of carbs, everything a big boy needs. You had Tomas accompany you to town, so he could hold everything and for protection. He didn't mind, he liked you a lot and thought you were perfect for Bi Han. Tomas told you a lot about the food that's required to keep a healthy stature. With this information, you decided to make a seafood dinner. Lobster tail and scallops for the main course, mashed potatoes for a side, and I nice angel cake for a dessert.
If Tomas was being completely honest, he was even getting hungry as you picked out everything you needed. You decided to employ him for a bit of help in the kitchen, and as a reward you promised to save him some cake. With the addition of the last part, he was more than happy to help, cutting up the lobsters and peeling the potatoes for you. After a while though, he had to get back to work, bidding you a nice farewell before leaving.
When dinner was finally ready, you placed all the dishes on the table and plated him a bit of everything. You dimmed the lights and lit up some nice smelling candles and waited for Bi Han to walk through to door. A few minutes after you you got everything ready, you heard the familiar sound of the door unlocking and seeing your husband walk through.
His eyes widened at the surprise seeing you at the table that was lit with candles and had a fragrant dinner sitting on it. "Welcome home! You've been working so hard recently, I thought it would be nice for you to have a good dinner!" You pulled out his chair and watched him sit down. Taking his mask off, he picked up his chopsticks and ate some scallops, then some lobster, then some potatoes. You watched in anticipation for his reaction, wondering if he liked it or not.
He turned to you, a big smile forming on his face. "It's delicious, thank you so much." He stood up from his chair and wrapped you in a tight hug, kissing your crown. You looked up at him, hugging him back and giving him a smile. He leans down, giving you a kiss on the lips, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in closer.
You moved your hands up to cup his face, deepening the kiss as he tightens his grip on you. He licks your bottom lip, asking for permission. You open your mouth and he starts to explore, to taste you. You had never kissed him like this, but he seemed so eager to know everything about you in this moment. He seemed to to need you in a way, and his grip tightened even more. He started to pull slightly on your clothing, as he began to breath heavily and groan into the kiss.
He pulls back, resting his forehead on yours. "Y/n... I need to tell you.." he was panting at this point, clawing at your clothing as his knees began to tremble. "I need you... Need you so bad... I've been in love with you ever since the first night you helped me.. I wanted to touch you so bad but, I was so scared.. scared you didn't like me like that.. let me treat you the way you deserve.. please you the way a husband should.. please, let me make love to you."
Bi Han was out of breath, clinging to you like you were the only thing keeping him alive, and to a degree, you were. He had become so obsessed with you and he was finally admitting his feelings for you, who were you to deny him? You chuckle lightly as you kiss him back, a soft moan came from Bi Han as you started tracing your hands up and down his chest.
You decided you couldn't wait any longer, jumping up and wrapping your legs around his waist. Bi Han took this as a yes and carried you to your shared room, placing you on the new silk sheets he had just bought for you. Small giggles escape your breath as Bi Han began to trail kisses down your body. His hands traced up your thighs and clung to your night gown, slowly taking it off and leaving you in just a bra and panties.
He hooked your legs over his shoulders, pulling down your panties as he placed small kisses on your inner thighs. Once your panties were fully off, he dipped his middle and ring finger into your slit, gathering your juices. "So wet for me already. So beautiful, is this what I've been missing out on? I'll have to make up for lost time." He licked his fingers, a groan leaving his mouth from the taste.
He ran his tongue up your folds, sucking on your clit as he gripped your thighs so you'd stay in place. You began to moan loudly at his actions and started to grind yourself on his face, this made Bi Hans grip on you tighten. You could hear a muffled 'patience' as he continued what he was doing. He moved his mouth down more, prodding at your hole with his tongue. He slowly slipped his tongue in and brought his free hand to play with your clit.
You moaned loudly as his index finger and thumb began to lightly pinch and apply pressure to your clit. Bi Hans tongue continued to plunge itself deeper and deeper into you and he could feel you getting close.
With how you were whimpering and clenching around his tongue, it didn't surprise him when you harshly came without warning. A loud moan coming from you as your back arched and your head fell back. Bi Han licked up everything, not wasting a single drop of what you gave him. You had completely drenched his chin, fingers, and even parts of his neck, and he couldn't get enough of it.
After cleaning his face and fingers, he pulled away and started to undress himself. "As much as I'd love to continue doing that for the rest of the night, I think you deserve much more." He climbed onto the bed with just his boxers on, taking them off to show his hard, leaking cock.
He gripped your waist again, pulling you in and kissing you to try and soothe your anxieties. "I know you must be scared, I'll take it slow and easy." You could feel his cock prodding at your hole again, whining at the feeling. He slowly slips in and you both let out moans at the feeling. After a few minutes of moving slowly, he was finally in. After a few more minutes of waiting for you to adjust, you gave him the okay to move.
He began to rock in and out of you at a slow pace, kissing you while doing so. You began to soak up each others moans as he started to move faster. Bi Han moved to place kisses on you neck as he gripped you tighter. "You're doing amazing, taking me so well, I can't wait to do this every night when I come home." A promise he was going to most definitely keep.
You began to grip at his back, racking at it and making beads of blood appear under your fingers. He moaned at the feeling, increasing his pace because of it. "Bi han- too much, it's too much-" you moaned out, Bi Han kissed you lightly and placed his forehead to yours.
"You can take me, baby. I know you can, you're doing so well." You began to feel close again, digging your nails deeper into him because of it. His grip tightened even more on your waist, signaling he was getting close, too. "Shit- where do you want it?" He asked as he looked at you, breathing heavily.
"Inside-" you couldn't even finish your sentence before you came for a second time, letting out another loud moan as Bi Han began to ride out his orgasm. You could hear him curse under his breath and a few moments after he came inside you, letting out a groan while doing so.
He collapsed on top of you and you both tried to catch your breath. He slowly got up and got a clean wash cloth, wiping down the both of you. "You did amazing, love. You were so good for me." He smiles as he discards the cloth somewhere in the room, climbing into bed with you.
You both exchanged a few light kisses before you drifted off to sleep. Bi Han had stayed up a bit though, cuddling closer into you as he watched you float off into a state of peace. He truly was besotted by you.
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A/N: I have to update my request guidelines ugh
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jangmi-latte · 1 month
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TELELET 📞📳📞TELELET📞📳📞CAN I HALP U?👀🧐😈TELELET📞📳📞TELELET📞📳📞 BORK🐶🐶BORK🐶🐶BORK🐶🐶AYAYAY🎶🎶 AYM🤭🤪 YOR LITOL😝😍😍BATIRPLAY🦋🦋AYAYAY🎶🎶🎶AYM😅😅🤩YOR LITOL😘😘😍BATERPLAY🦋🦋AYAYAY🎶🎶AYM🤩😅🤩YOR LITOL😍🤩😍 BATIRPLAY🦋 call me old fashioned, but i was born to serve vil. i do the laundry, cook dinner, clean dishes. i live to serve & carry out every demand of his on the slightest whim, its what i was put on this earth to do. if he cheats on me then its my fault! he caught me slipping. *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~ Wheeeee! Oinka oinka! Haaaaaaheeee! A- whooooga A-whoooooga! Aaaaaargh! Hneeeeeeeee! Fnrgh! Grunt grunt! Hinggggg! Whazzo! Boink jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely.
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rileyclaw · 1 year
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watch out for rogue snowballs this winter . happy holidays from emerald trio (: !!
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baeshijima · 4 months
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HELLODHDGHDJSOANAKAAAAAAAA
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one last thing...
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jdms-flat-ass · 6 months
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JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN | he put the D in dilf 🤭
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thana-topsy · 9 months
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Chin up, Enthir.
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thefrogdalorian · 2 days
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Found a Din shirt while shopping today and had to buy it because Razor Crest!!!
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carlisle06art · 16 days
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She’s the Avatar. You gotta deal with it.
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koobiie · 3 months
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fanart for what may be my favorite fic of all time, Running Behind by @asidian! here's prompto enjoying all the foods from the fic beacuse he deserves it <3
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traumatizedjaguar · 3 months
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Gentle reminder, it’s completely okay and normal to have violent and homicidal thoughts toward your abusers.
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steveshairychest · 2 years
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I am so normal about these pictures so so so normal
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murcielagatito · 2 months
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if i speak-
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