#But mother fucker i have enough scars for a lifetime

[cielostuff]

There are certain things that form you, experiences, fights, a whole lot of shitty things. For me the things that made who I am, that made me the shitty awful person I am now are: the fact that my dad has a whole other family, my mother made ask him if he had another wife when I was 5 YEARS OLD (I meaaaannnnnn trauma) the fact that we have a dog that attacked me and my siblings but my parents still love him more, defend him and prefer him over us, the fact that my dad just kicked me out of the house because we had a fight and i said something bad about his dog. Hm, there's also this one time my father said i would never get a "im proud of you" because i simply don't deserve it. My whole family sees me as a smart mouth and I'm always the one wrong. How come they never actually thought about the fuck up childhood i had. Having to grow up with parents that hate each other??? Being intermediate between those fights? Among other pretty fuck up things I don't feel like explaining. I'm done with this whole life.

#There are things that scarred you #But mother fucker i have enough scars for a lifetime #ramblings #I guess you could say I'm sad #And angry #But actually it's not that bad there comes a point when you just experience the same thing over and over it just stop hurting #Or at least it hurts less #I call this type of sadness my Sadness acceptance #Because it's just the way it is and it won't change so it just don't hurt me as much anymore #Fuck it tho #I have so many scars I could form a new me out of them #Sometimes it's just too much i wonder if it even worth it living

[smaidjor]

i know they're losing (Chapter 1)

hi mothers and fuckers of the jury, this fic is a hot mess but so am I, please appreciate it. Also, obligatory disclaimer this is about the characters not the people, all that important stuff.

Some important notes:

1. You will probably hate Scott just a little at points. He has chronic dumb bitch syndrome and there's a whole lot of bullshit going on in his life that you don't see in this fic because it's not his pov. That being said, he's still a bit of a jerk.

2. This has a lot of lord of the rings lore. A LOT. You may be kinda confused if you're not a lord of the rings fan. It's fine, Jimmy's confused too, and all of it will be explained at some point.

3. The chapter titles are from the Last Goodbye from the Hobbit films. The general title is from I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski.

4. General content warnings: there is a little blood, and a little violence, and a lot of mentioned death and morbid jokes. If you don't do well with themes involving death this fic is probably not for you. There is also possibly going to be referenced emotional abuse and generally unhealthy ways to raise children, though that will be talked about much further down the line. I will also put specific cws at the start of each chapter, don't worry!

5. The alternate title for this was '10k words of flower husbands being sad'. You have been warned.

Title: i know they're losing

Chapter Title: under clouds, beneath the stars

Current Total Wordcount: 3740

Content Warning: referenced/past character death, very frank discussion of death.

Snippet:

Scott whirls to face him, robes spinning behind him. “I’m fading, alright? I’m dying, now leave me alone!”

Jimmy feels like he’s been smacked in the face, the words hitting him with all the force of a well-thrown trident. Dying? “You- what- but elves don’t die, right?”

“We do. From poison, from swords, from arrows through the throat-” Jimmy’s hands fly to the scar on his neck, the one that matches Scott’s own- “from grief.”

AO3 Link

Actual fic under the cut

Scott’s hands are cold. That’s the first sign, the chill that’s uncharacteristic of an elf.

Scott’s chest hurts. That’s the second sign, the bone-deep ache he can’t seem to quell.

Scott is weaker than normal, and that’s the third sign, the one that confirms what’s happening beyond a shadow of a doubt. He’s fading, Scott thinks as he leans against a wall, trying to stop his head from spinning. He can’t say he’s surprised, not after all he’s been through; in fact, he’s more astonished it took so long to start.

-

In another world, it happens like this:

Scott’s hands are cold, and Shubble notices as he shows her around the nether. It’s worrying, a bit, how icy his skin is even in the boiling dimension, but Scott’s empire has always been cold, hasn’t it?

Katherine notices how long it’s been since Scott visited her, one of his few allies, and she worries, a bit. But Scott has always been distant, hasn’t he?

No one notices or worries enough to go check on him, and Scott fades away to nothing, cold and alone in his icy empire.

-

What actually happens is this:

Katherine has gotten word of the demon that haunts the server, and amongst all her worry, one of her thoughts is ‘has anyone checked on Scott?’. The answer is no, and next time she has a free day, she sets out for Rivendell. It’s not a long trip, not with elytra, anyways, and soon she’s at the doors to his keep.

“I need to see Lord Smajor,” she tells the guards.

“He’s not taking visitors right now.” is the response she gets.

“It’s a vital matter to the safety of both our kingdoms.”

They let her in.

Katherine spends far too long looking around the elegantly decorated downstairs and storage area before she realizes he must be up the spiral staircase in the corner of the room. She’s never been upstairs in Scott’s house before, which makes her a little nervous, but… this is an urgent matter, so she presses on into what turns out to be a very pretty bedroom. Decorated with bookshelves aplenty and gorgeous lanterns, it practically screams Scott.

The man (elf?) himself is harder to spot. At first, Katherine’s worried he isn’t there at all, but eventually she realizes that he’s still in bed despite the fact that it’s a quarter to one, only his pale face sticking out from under the covers.

“Scott?” She asks, cautious. “Lord Smajor?”

He blinks at her tiredly. “Hi, Katherine.”

“I came to talk to you about some empires stuff, but, I mean, if this is a bad time, I can come back later…?”

“No, no, stay.” He waves at the sole chair in the room, which is near-enough to the bed. “I can muster the energy for a meeting, just don’t ask me to get up.”

Katherine takes the seat hesitantly. “I came to talk about the corruption on the server, but- are you okay? Are you sick?”

Scott laughs, a little bitter. “In a way, yes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Take my hand.”

She obeys, confused, and finds that Scott’s hands are like ice despite the warmth of the room.

“Elves don’t get sick like mortals do,” Scott says. “Nor do we die of old age. But we get...heartsickness, you might call it. We call it fading in our tongue- the cold hands are a symptom of that. Our souls are fragile, and the grief of the mortal plane can be overwhelming. If an elf is too struck by it, they fade away and die.”

She gasps a little.

“It usually happens to old elves, world-weary,” Scott continues. “Those who are tired of existence. But any elf who has experienced enough grief is at risk.”

It takes Katherine a moment to process everything, and once she does, she stares at him in horror. “You’re- fading? But doesn’t it usually happen to old elves? Wait, are you old?”

“I’m fifty-five.”

“Is that old?”

That gets a laugh out of him. “Fifty is the elven equivalent of eighteen for humans, the age of maturity.”

“Oh.” She struggles for words for a moment, settling on “How can you be so calm if you’re dying?”

“I’m tired, Katherine. The world tore me away from the people I loved, and..I’m tired of fighting it.”

Try as she might, there’s nothing she can say to that. “Is there a way to reverse fading- to fix it?”

Something pained and raw flashes through his eyes. “Technically, yes. If an elf recovers enough emotionally, it’s reversible. But whatever caused them to fade the first time can- and often does- cause it again.”

Katherine nods seriously, absorbing the information. “We’ll just have to reverse it, then.”

“That’s sweet, Katherine, but I’m dying.”

“No,” she tells him firmly. “You’re not going to die. Now come on, you can show me your empire while I fill you in on what’s happening on the rest of the continent.”

Scott stares at her for a long moment, but eventually he takes her outstretched hand. “Alright.” His hand is frozen cold in hers. “We can try.”

Katherine lets him lead her around Rivendell, pointing out the sights. He’s done an impressive job decorating, like her, and an even more impressive job at uniting the elves and building an empire from the ground up. The people of Rivendell are weary and battle-scarred, for the most part, elves who have seen too much, but the children are bright and happy, and the cyan and gold banners wave proudly in the wind.

As they walk, she also tells Scott about the demon, Xornoth. “The demon’s already visited a lot of people, I think. Gem and Shubble for sure, and Fwhip and Sausage. That’s not even mentioning the corruption that’s been spreading.”

Scott nods. “There’s corruption in Rivendell too. Likely Xornoth’s work. And given that Jimmy still has Vilya- well, I haven’t been able to do much.”

“Vilya?”

“A ring of power. My inheritance from the Noldor.”

“Why does Jimmy have it?”

He doesn’t answer that one.

Katherine leaves feeling unsettled, with more questions than answers. She has new resolve, though, and a new goal: keep Scott from fading. He’s a good friend, though they don’t know each other that well yet, but more than that, he’s a powerful ally. And Katherine can’t afford to lose allies. So while they’re both rulers and busy in their own right, she promises to visit and drag him outside at least once a week.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Scott jokes, but his laugh is weak.

Katherine vows to hold herself to it.

-

The plan works for three entire weeks before Katherine has a week that’s so busy there’s no way she can find the time for a trip to Rivendell. Worse than that, because Scott is so isolated, he has almost no other friends, and many of Katherine’s allies are busy too. She’s a little short of options, to be honest, which is how she finds herself on Jimmy Solidarity’s doorstep that Sunday afternoon.

“Hello?” Jimmy asks as the door swings open. Katherine can see why Lizzie calls him the sweet swamp boy- his confused head tilt is frankly adorable.

“Hi! I know we don’t talk much, but I could use a favor,” she says.

“What can I do for you?”

“I need you to visit Scott.”

Jimmy looks beyond startled. “What- I mean, he doesn’t even like me! I couldn’t possibly.”

“Please?” She wheedles. “I promised him a visitor every week, but I have meetings all week this time.”

He shakes his head, hesitantly at first and then stronger. “No, Katherine. He’d just throw me right out again. I’m his enemy, for goodness sake!”

“If he hates you so much, why do you have his ring?”

Katherine knows she’s won, watching emotions flit across his face too quickly to catch. Grief is what he settles on, and she feels a little bit bad for the ring comment when his voice comes out wobbly.

“I guess I should return that, huh? Alright, I’ll go.”

“Sorry,” she says.

Jimmy brushes it off, saying there’s no need to worry, but he fiddles with the ring on his finger all the more. It’s on his left ring finger, Katherine notes. She wonders if that truly means what it implies.

“I’ll visit him tomorrow,” Jimmy says.

“I’ll hold you to that!”

-

Jimmy isn’t sure why he agreed to this at all, to be honest. Scott may have given him this ring in another world, another lifetime, but that doesn’t mean Scott doesn’t hate him in this one. What other explanation is there for how all his gifts have been rejected, how cold the elf is? Jimmy would be surprised that Scott’s never tried to take his ring back if it wasn’t for how thoroughly Scott avoids him nowadays. Getting the ring back would require talking to Jimmy, something Scott has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to do. Jimmy doesn’t have another use for it, and try as he might to forget flower fields and warm hands in his, he can’t bear to throw it away. So it’s remained on his hand all this time, a painful reminder of someone who used to love him.

Jimmy tries to avoid looking at it as much as possible, every glimpse bringing back the memory of Scott gently sliding it onto his hand, a faint blush dusting his cheeks and a smile on his lips. Even the faint shimmers in the blue gem remind him of how the starlight seemed to get caught in Scott’s hair when they were out at night. The ring had been one of their most valuable possessions on 3rd Life, the rare silver band and elegant forging more than proof of that. Now, though, the ring has to be one of the least valuable things Jimmy owns; on 3rd Life, they were humble folk in little hobbit holes, their most expensive possessions being their diamond armor and swords, but here, they’re kings and lords. Scott probably has a thousand treasures more valuable in his elven empire, so Jimmy’s not sure why he’s bothering to trek all the way across the world just to return this one.

Then again, it’s not really about the ring, and never has been. It’s about the way starlight used to shine in Scott’s eyes when he smiled, his rare, soft grin that was reserved just for Jimmy, how he gave Jimmy the most valuable thing either of them owned. It’s closure, in a way, giving it back. He won’t have any debt to Scott once this ring is returned, and they can both move on like Scott so clearly wants to.

Shaking off those thoughts, Jimmy slows to a stop in front of Scott’s house. It’s grand, nothing like his old hobbit hole, but still so clearly Scott in the decoration and color schemes. Jimmy would know who built it even if he hadn’t known Scott lived in these mountains.

“I’m here to visit Scott,” he says to the guard stationed outside.

They raise an eyebrow, presumably at the familiar way he refers to Scott. “On formal business or personal?”

“Personal? Sort of? I mean, I don’t have any diplomatic reason for being here.” Truth be told, he has no reason to be here at all, really, but...the ring.

“Then Lord Smajor cannot see you.”

Jimmy grits his teeth, suddenly furious at this whole ordeal. “Then tell Lord Smajor that I need to return his ring.”

“May I see it?”

He sticks his hand out obligingly, and the guard examines the ring, surprise blooming across their face. “I did not realize my Lord had lent you Vilya! My apologies, Lord Codfather, I see the alliance between our kingdoms is stronger than I had assumed. You may pass.”

Vilya? “Thank you, gentle, uh, gentleperson!”

The guard dips their head slightly as he walks by, a gesture of respect that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to. He shakes off the strangeness of the interaction, though, pushing open the door to Scott’s house.

The inside is beautiful, exactly the kind of decor Scott loves...and empty. There’s no one in the spacious kitchen, the storage room, or anywhere else for that matter. Jimmy’s seconds from giving up and going home when he realizes that there are stairs up to the balcony above. That’s where he goes, finding himself in Scott’s bedroom.

Which is awkward, to say the least. It’s not like they never slept in the same room when they were married, but now that there’s this awkward, painful distance between them, Jimmy feels like he’s intruding. What’s worse is, Scott’s still in bed, laying on his side with his face tilted away from Jimmy’s awkward entrance.

“Hello, Jimmy.”

Jimmy half-jumps, not expecting that. “How’d you know it was me?”

Scott rolls over to face him, and Jimmy notes that his face is too pale for it to be natural or healthy. “Do you think I could ever forget the sound of your footsteps?” He goes on before Jimmy can answer. “What are you doing here?”

“Katherine asked me to visit, I’m not sure why, but...here I am. Say, why is she visiting every week?”

Scott’s laugh is bitter. “Katherine thinks she can save me.”

“Save you from what?” Jimmy asks, concerned despite himself.

His (ex?)husband doesn’t reply.

“Save you from what?” Jimmy presses, and gets no answer yet again.

Instead, Scott sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “You should go.” He stands, and immediately stumbles, Jimmy rushing to steady him on instinct. Scott’s hands are like ice when he grips Jimmy’s arm to regain his balance, taking several deep breaths, and Jimmy’s instantly struck by how wrong that feels. Scott’s hands were always warm, even on the coldest nights in 3rd life. Some elven thing, probably, that Scott didn’t want to talk about or have time to explain to a silly human like Jimmy.

“Scott, what is going on?”

The elf brushes him off again, heading for the stairs, but the regal effect is ruined by how hard he has to grip the railing.

“Scott, seriously! Answer me, are you okay? What’s happening?”

Scott whirls to face him, robes spinning behind him. “I’m fading, alright? I’m dying, now leave me alone!”

Jimmy feels like he’s been smacked in the face, the words hitting him with all the force of a well-thrown trident. Dying? “You- what- but elves don’t die, right?”

“We do. From poison, from swords, from arrows through the throat-” Jimmy’s hands fly to the scar on his neck, the one that matches Scott’s own- “from grief.” Scott turns back to the stairs. “Come on. If you’re not going to leave, I might as well show you around.”

Jimmy follows, reluctantly, trying to think of something to say that isn’t incoherent sputtering with a bit of ‘why do you hate me now’ added in. “You can’t just drop something like that on a man, you know!”

“You did ask, to be fair.”

Why oh why is he so stupid around Scott? “I guess so, but- but still, dude.”

Scott pushes open the side door, holding it for Jimmy. “Here.”

Jimmy nods and slips through the door.  “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They start along the path, Scott walking far too quickly for Jimmy’s comfort given how terrible the elf’s balance is currently. He nearly has to jog to keep up, irritatingly, but at least they aren’t snapping at each other for a few precious moments.

Of course, Jimmy has to go and ruin that. “So, uh..are we going to talk about 3rd life?” He has to hear it from Scott’s own lips that he remembers, that it affected him even half as much as it’s affected Jimmy.

“No.”

“Why not? We need to talk about it some time-”

“I said no .”

“It’s literally killing you to not talk about it!”

Scott freezes, face going icy calm in the way Jimmy knows means he’s actually upset. The elf’s hands grip the fabric of his robes tight, his back going rigid. This is a bad idea, Jimmy knows.

He’s in too deep to back out now, though, the pent-up hurt of the past few months all coming out in a rush. “Tell me I’m wrong, Scott! I dare you, tell me I’m wrong! Tell me you never cared about me, tell me you didn’t bother to bury me, tell me it didn’t hurt even a little when I died! Tell me I was just stupid little Jimmy, a toy for an elf who’d live far beyond my lifespan! Tell me whatever, just tell me the truth! ”

Scott breathes out slowly, fury gradually building on his face. “Fine. You want to know what happened after you died? You want to hear about me screaming until my throat went raw? You want to know that I kissed your face and sobbed and begged you to wake up, over and over until I couldn’t speak at all? You want to live with the knowledge that Grian had to physically pull me away from your body? Is that what you want to hear, Jimmy ?”

Jimmy’s name on Scott’s lips punches all the remaining air out of him, sounding so wrong in that angry, bitter tone. Beneath all the rage, Scott sounds wrecked , and the fight leaves Jimmy’s body abruptly. “No,” he says softly. “That’s not what I want to hear, not at all. I’d rather you be happy than love me.”

Silence follows those words, only the faint sound of a waterfall in the distance there to break it.

“I buried you on the hill above our houses,” Scott says finally. “I planted a poppy over your grave.”

“Oh.”

“Grian came over the next day. I didn’t want to see anyone who wasn’t you, but I let him in because I had to. He helped me do the straps on my armor and asked me if he could do anything else to make things easier. I told him to bury me next to you.”

Jimmy swallows hard. “Did he?”

“How would I know?” Scott’s tone softens, just a little. “Grian was honorable enough, though, loyal to his allies. I like to think he did.”

“He was a good guy,” Jimmy agrees. “A little bit bloodthirsty, I guess, but good. I don’t suppose he survived any better than the rest of us, though maybe being bloodthirsty helped.”

“Maybe.”

“Can I- can I ask you why you hate me so much now? I mean, if you mourned me in third life and all.”

Scott turns away again, starting down the path a second time. He’s not looking at Jimmy when he says “I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?” It’s a shock, honestly, given that this is the first time the two of them have really spoken since the beginning of empires. “But you burned the pufferfish-”

“I didn’t. I kept it.” Scott still won’t look at him. “I never hated you. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Then why do you keep avoiding me?”

“I’ve been kind of busy dying,” Scott says dryly, and Jimmy doesn’t even realize it’s a joke until he looks over at Scott’s wry little grin.

“Scott! That’s not funny!” He scolds, aghast.

“It was a little funny.”

“No!”

Scott must hear the genuine distress in Jimmy’s voice because he drops the act. “Jimmy, I’m an elf. I won’t live far beyond you, but only because I’ll fade without you.”

“So your solution is to isolate yourself and fade now?” Jimmy demands.

“It does sound stupid when you put it like that, doesn’t it? But I lost you once, and I don’t think I could bear it again.”

Jimmy wants to argue, wants to fight him on this, but there’s nothing he can say. Instead, he puts a hand on Scott’s arm to stop him walking any further. Scott turns to look at him, seemingly startled, and Jimmy throws his arms around the elf.

Scott stiffens before slowly relaxing, arms coming up to wrap around Jimmy in return. It’s not as natural a gesture as it used to be, but it’s warm, gentle in a way Jimmy thought he’d never get again. It reminds him of the soft, starry-eyed boy who put flowers in his hair and laughed at him over a cake. Scott will never be that soft again and Jimmy will never be unscarred, but they’re here. They’re alive, that has to count for something.

Scott pulls back, his expression so achingly tender and heartbroken all at once. “I’m sorry, Jimmy.” His voice is raw, a little shaky. “I can’t. Not again.”

“But-”

He’s cut off by Scott shaking his head. “Losing you will destroy me. We dared to love, and now all we can do now is lessen the pain when it all comes crashing down.”

Jimmy’s in too much shock to speak, the ache in his heart returning tenfold as Scott turns back towards the house.

“Goodbye, Jimmy.” He sweeps away, elegant as ever, but stumbles and nearly falls as he reaches the door. Jimmy’s not there to catch him.

Jimmy stumbles home in a daze. It's somewhat of a miracle that no mob manages to kill him, honestly. To be so close to a resolution, to have the person he wanted most right there in his arms, and then to have all that ripped away- he can’t think of anything that could have hurt more. Even his deaths were less painful than this- at least an arrow through the throat is quicker than feeling like your heart is being ripped out through your ribs, Jimmy thinks, a little bitter. He throws Scott’s stupid ring in a pool in the swamp, watching as it sinks to the bottom of the shallow water with hardly a bubble.

Wait.

The ring.

It’s significant, somehow, according to a Rivendell guard, and more than that, it’s an excuse to see Scott again. One last chance to change his mind about the stupid plan that’s literally killing him.

Jimmy dives in without thinking, scrabbling around until his fingers close around the smooth stone and thin band. When he pulls it out, the gem glitters in the starlight even under the layers of dirt, and it looks like something special. It looks like hope.

#scott smajor #jimmy solidarity #flower husbands #uhh #empires smp #i wont tag 3rd life since its only referenced #my writing

[trashy-slashy]

yooo do you write for soulmate AUs? because like... the sinclair brothers finding their soulmates and that's what spares them from getting killed tho

I have such a soft spot for Soulmate AU’s and for these boys! I’m so excited for this prompt ee

Bo

Bo heard stories as a child about soulmates. That touching the person who you were meant for would burn, a searing pain that would mark you both, sealing your fates together. He talked about it with Vincent, mulling over what sort of soulmate they would like. “You don’t get to pick” Vincent would grumble, earning himself a pout from his twin. “I know, I’m just wonderin’”. But then came dinner. Bo hid. He knew what his father would do. “There you are you lil’ fucker” He snarled, slamming open the closet door. Bo screamed, thrashing against his grip. “Stop it boy! It will only get worse!” The chair. The restraints. Tears flowed down Bo’s face, his mother tutting at his behaviour. “You are never gonna find a soulmate Bo, you’re a monster.”

Bo never thought about it after that. Never even the possibility. He was a monster. At least he had Vincent. Every hitchhiker he picked off the road made Ambrose a little less lonely, for a little while. Bo forgot how to feel human for a long time. He forgot how to feel anything. He supported and loved his brother, the way Mama used to, but his heart wasn’t in it. He chased and maimed his victims, hoping to feel something. Nothing worked.

When you showed up in Ambrose, Bo sighed. “Here we go again.” He threw his cigarette to the floor, crushing the flame with his heel. “Hey darlin’, you lost?” You smiled nervously at him. Bo smirked, running his fingers through his hair. This one would be too easy.

Bo toyed with you, letting you wear yourself out, darting all over Ambrose in an attempt to find help. He could have killed you hours ago, but chasing you was more interesting than doing nothing. “I’m not gonna hurt ya sweetheart” You had your back pressed against one of the buildings, wishing the wall would swallow you up. The sky had turned dark an hour or so ago, giving you some cover between the houses. You glanced around frantically, desperating trying to hear what direction your attacker was coming from.

Bo spotted you a while ago, but wandered past anyway, letting you think you were safe. It was always so much sweeter when they still had a fragment of hope. He heard you scuttle around the back of the house, sneaking around to cut you off. “Found you-“ Bo sprang at you, his fingers wrapping around your throat. As soon as he touched you he yelped, retracting to cradle his singed hand. “What the fuck did you do!?” He snarled, vein pulsing in his head. You froze entirely, a deer in the headlights. “I... you...” You began, the burning sensation dulling from where his hand had been. Bo grew angrier at your useless mutterings, producing a blade from his pocket to press it against your throat.

“You little...” The weapon clattered to the floor when the realisation hit him. It had been so long since he even thought about soulmates, he forgot they existed. His handprint marred your neck, claiming you as his own. “No, this ain’t right.” He shook his head in denial, backing out of the alley. “FUCK!” His fist collided with brick, busting open his knuckles. This was a cruel trick, probably Lester thinking it was hilarious to try and make him completely lose it. Yeah, that must be it. He had no soulmate. Just him and Vinnie. Bo turned back towards you, each breath racking his shoulders.

“I don’t think this was ideal for me either.” You laughed nervously, keeping stock of the situation. Bo was deathly still. Feeling a little braver, you shuffled towards him. “You’re fake.” He barked defensively. Your heart went out to your soulmate, watching the torment flash across his eyes, every muscle in his body pulled tight, ready to run. You were close enough to feel his breath on your face. Something ethereal tugged at your hands, the appendages moving of their own volition. “Am I?” Without thinking, your fingers wound around his wrists, biting your lip as fire scorched your palms. You expected him to lash out, not let you burn your marks into his skin. The flesh felt mottled under your touch, reforming and melding around your palms. Bo let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, suddenly exhausted from his outburst, every bolted down emotion bubbling out of control. You smiled as his chin rested on your head. “Bo.” He muttered into your hair. Bo was terrified, but damn it if he didn’t want to stay like this a little longer.

Vincent

Soulmates were just something that happened. Not to Vincent, but to normal people. He never brought it up, knowing that Bo had bad memories surrounding the concept. He’d had to kick Lester a few times for not shutting up about the pretty girls on the highway. Vincent always hoped he had some chance, but between his deformities and lifestyle it wasn’t really possible. Instead he threw himself into his art, doodling ideas of what his soulmate would look like, staring into the eyes of his sculptures. ‘It could have been you’.

There hadn’t been any reports of people touching their soulmates after they died. It wasn’t really a common occurence after all. Everytime Bo threw him a fresh body, Vincent was always hesitant to touch them. His brother had forgotten, but he hadn’t. As he grew lonelier, Vincent found himself spilling hot wax on himself, relishing the sting, wishing he could feel it on someone else’s skin.

“Vinnie, I got two, give me a hand would ya’?” Bo poked his head around the corner, disturbing Vincent’s concentration. He jerked his head in response. Vincent knew the drill. Bo would go, act charming, lure their prey into the house... so they could recreate Mama’s vision. Waiting patiently, Vincent patrolled his underground cavern, listening for his cue to strike.

You tumbled down the trapdoor, howling when you landed on your leg unnaturally, the sound of bones snapping reverberated off the walls “Please, stop!” Vincent had chased you through the house, dropping down after you. He sighed at the state of your leg; an extra job before he could turn you into a beautiful model. You sobbed pitifully, clutching at your thigh. Vincent lifted you up effortlessly, throwing you over his shoulder. You thrashed pointlessly, whimpering as each step sent a jolt of pain down your leg. “Please...” Your back connected with what seemed like a medical bench as the masked man manhandled you as he pleased. You gulped. There was no escape with your injury. Shears glided towards your throat, your shirt falling to ribbons below you. Vincent retrieved a large syringe, splaying his hand on your stomach to steady you.

His skin was on fire. Surely his imagination? Vincent recoiled, eye blowing wide as he saw the perfect indentation of his hand on your belly. It couldn’t be... You gasped at the sensation, propping yourself up to check the mark. “We’re... soulmates?” Vincent stepped back from you, trembling. He didn’t expect it to ever happen. And now that it was... he panicked. You wouldn’t love him, you’d just been fleeing in terror, you’d broken your fucking leg trying to get away from him. Bo wouldn’t let you stay, he didn’t believe in soulmates after all. Maybe he could fix this, salvage it. He had to try.

Vincent dropped the serum on the side, dropping to his knees beside you. If he ever had a reason to be alive, you were it. But what about his face? You would surely be horrified. “I’m sorry” He wheezed, looking down at the floor. Death would surely be preferable to a lifetime with him. “Can I see?” You gestured to his mask, curious to see your soulmates real face. Something pulled you to this place, and yes, being shit scared and breaking your leg wasn’t ideal but damned if you didn’t trust in the soulmate system. There was a reason you two were connected and despite everything, you weren’t going to throw that away.

Vincent hated taking off his mask. Even around Bo. He saw the side glances, the looks of disgust. His twin loved him, but that didn’t make him any less of a freak. But the way you looked at him, your eyes so warm and kind. He sighed, avoiding your gaze as he freed himself from the wax barricade.

He waited for you to scream, to gasp, something that proved how repulsive he was. What he didn’t expect was your palms cupping his cheeks ever so gently, the invisible flames licking at scarred flesh. You whimpered at the burning in your hands, blood running down your chin as your teeth sunk into your lip. Vincent pressed his head against yours, fingers weaving into your hair to lock you against him. You were real. You were his. And he’d never been happier.

Lester

The most optimisitic of all the Sinclair’s, Lester had a bad habit of trying to touch literally everyone. Everything he knew was from magazine’s he’d ransackes from the twins’ victims, considering that Bo wasn’t a believer and Vinnie wasn’t much for conversation.

When he found you trawling the highway, Lester jovially offered you a lift to Ambrose. “Ma brother’s got a phone you can use I bet” He beamed, chatting away as he took you down the beaten path. “What brings you out here then Missy?” You sighed. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant topic and you didn’t really want to bother him with your worries.

“Almost there, d’ya mind givin’ me a hand?” You bent over the hub of the truck, unaware of Lester oogling at your ass. He smirked to himself, trying to subtly brush against you and failing, horribly. “Hey, asshole!” Your hand connected with his face, the crack reverberating through the trees. Your hand turned to fire in your hands, clutching at it pointlessly to try and stifle the pain.

“I was only tryna-“ Lester turned into a puppy when he saw your hand burning, the initial sting of the slap turning into the warm sensation of a soulmate’s mark. “You’re my soulmate!” He jumped on the spot, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. “I knew it, I knew I had one!” You groaned underneath him. This was going to be exhausting. “Ma name’s Lester, you gotta come meet ma brother’s Bo and Vinnie-“ He trailed off when he saw you leaning against the car, your arms crossed. “Oh I’m sorry darlin’ I get a bit excited”

“I can see that.” You giggled, running your eyes up and down him. “Why’d I have to get some nasty pervert though?” Lester pouted like a child until he realised you were being sarcastic. “Oh real funny, I was gonna give you the world but I guess I’ll keep it to myself now” Despite the gruff demanour and constant waft of roadkill, you could tell he was an absolute sweetheart. You extended your hand towards him, waggling your fingers. He entwined his hand with yours grunting at the foreign sensation. You pressed a kiss to Lester’s cheek, squeezing his hand. “Now that’s simply not true, is it?”

#bo sinclair #lester sinclair #vincent sinclair #house of wax #house of wax 2005 #soulmate au #bo sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x reader #can you tell im a total simp for bo #he would be SO smug having his mark on your neck #and i’m cracking up at lester having a permenant bitchslap

[prettyyoungtragedy]

Written in the Stars - Epilogue

Characters: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You’re the type of woman who is headstrong and fiercely independent. Heiress to a fortune and one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century. Until you’re forced into witness protection. Your “Protection” turns out to be 220 pounds of dreamy, sassy, delightful Bucky Barnes. Whatever could go wrong?

Warnings: Fluff and more god damn fluff!

A/N: And the time has come for me to say goodbye to these characters that I poured my blood sweat and tears into lol. Man, I love each and every single one of you who left the most amazing, gorgeous heart rendering feedback on this fic! You made my days SO MUCH BETTER with all the comments and reblogs and asks screaming at me! I adored writing this for you guys and I hope the next time I write some Bucky trash you all will jump on the bandwagon again!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for coming along this angsty garbage train of a fic and for sticking with me through till the end. Y’ALL ARE SOME FUCKIN’ OG MOTHER FUCKERS AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Thank you to @suz-123 for all the hours you put into listening to me whine about Bodyguard!Bucky and for all the words of encouragement (and the threats lol). This fic wouldn’t have been half as great if I didn’t have a fucking world class Beta like you. I got real love for you friend!

Links are being a bitch so you can find the whole fic in my WIP masterlist in my bio!

Taglist is closed, Sorry guys!

Crisp cool sheets against your back, Bucky’s lips ghost over yours and you sigh, headily. It’s a reunion, you finally got the all clear from the doctors that you were healed from all bullet wounds, broken bones, and bruises and it wasn’t even half an hour later that you were all over Bucky. 

It was desperate stumbling through the lake house, clothes tossed across the room, his arms around you as tight as he could hold you and lips pressed to yours, tongues dancing with each other before you both crashed into the bed in his bedroom.

He placed slow deliberate kisses along the column of your neck, pausing at your pulse and just feeling its slow steady beat for a moment, his mind filled with only thoughts of you and how much he adored you at that moment before he traces the outline of your collarbone with his tongue. Your fingers tangled in his dark hair, pulling him impossibly closer, his lips traveled across your chest, pausing at the scar the bullet had left and pressed a kiss to it then moved to the next scar.

Bucky takes his time, he has no urgency about this moment, he wants it to last for as long as it could. A lifetime of exploring your body with his mouth didn’t feel like enough time for him. His hands roaming across your body, yours on his, soft kisses and murmurs of how much you loved each other.

He holds you as close as he can to his body as he pushed into you, his lips finding yours again, muffling the moan that escapes your throat.

“Fuck, I love you,” He muttered leaning down and kissing you softly again as he fucked you, each slow deep thrust sends a spark snapping up your spine and your mind spinning with affection for this man. He looked at you with those starlight eyes and you were drowning in them. The way he looked at you, the way he touched you, everything about being with this man sets your existence alight.

You curled your arm around his neck, the other under his metal arm and hold him closer, your bodies flushed as you moved to the rhythm of the other. The ecstatic pleasure building between the two of you, higher and higher and you feel dizzy from it.

And when that ecstasy implodes, toppling both of you over the edge of that cliff you’re standing on together, it’s like everything in life aligned for you again, and nothing else mattered but him, and this moment.

~~~

“When did you and Fury decide on that?” Bucky asked, interlacing his fingers with yours. It had been a week since your little reunion and he had done well not to ask too many questions, or demand answers from you.

The two of you kicked everyone out of the lake house and just wrapped yourselves up in each other. Taking every moment you could, just loving each other.

Bucky said he loved you every chance he got, he said it when he woke up, when the two of you went to sleep, he murmured it when he held you in his arms as the two of you did nothing but cuddle on the couch, and he fervently said it every time he made love to you that week, which was more than two people should have at that point.

Every time he said it, you responded with the same amount of fervor he did. It was like the two of you wanted to keep saying it over and over until it was all the other could think about and at that moment, it was all you could think about, just how much you loved this man.

“After the car incident, he came to see me while I was in the Med Bay and we talked about it. He told me they would never stop coming after me as long as I was alive,” You replied tilting your head and looking up at him, “So he explained Tetrodotoxin to me, which I already knew about, since I sort of helped Banner with some of the research for that, and we came up with the plan to kill me in a way.”

Bucky frowned at you, the memory of being told you had died replaying in his head again, and he hated it.

You reached up and smoothed the frown from his face, before kissing his forehead softly, “Of course being taken by Arcas wasn’t part of the plan, we’d initially thought we could stage a car accident or plane crash or something. But life kinda got in the way and well Arcas did too.”

“I hate that I didn’t know about this and that I wasn’t there to protect you from that,” He murmured,

“Stop, don’t do that. You did everything right, Bucky,”

“But, I could have-”

“No, you couldn’t have, because this was my decision, and mine alone, to make. In a way, I am glad things turned out the way they did because I get to leave behind that old life and start a new one, with you.”

“Yeah still doesn’t make me feel any better,” He muttered,

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” and he grimaced as he said that realizing the joke he had inadvertently made which made you burst out laughing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about the files Bucky?”

You watch his whole face change, you had been wanting to ask him about the files since you two we reunited but held off on it not wanting to ruin the moment. Bucky knew about your work, he knew what it was being used for but he never told you.

Bucky sighed, “I guess I wanted to protect you from that, I thought if I never told you and you never knew what they were doing with your work that guilt wouldn’t be on your shoulders,”

“But it was my work that made all those soldiers and I don’t know how many countless others,” You said softly, “And you shouldn’t have hidden that from me, I had a right to know.” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, I just...wanted to keep you away from my world even for a little bit, and if it meant hiding that from you then I was willing to do it,” 

You placed your hands on either side of his face and pulled his lips to yours, kissing him deeply.

“I love you for that but don’t ever lie to me ever again.” Your tone makes him chuckle.

Bucky smiled when you said this, his fingertips brushing against your bare shoulder. “I mean as fuckin’ crazy as your plan was, which, by the way, you could have really died, I am glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks to that serum,” You muttered and you feel him tense up beside you again.

“Are you...is...do you feel different?” Bucky asked cautiously. Neither of you had spoken about the serum that Strucker had given you and after Banner and Tony ran multiple tests on you they discovered that it had sort of enhanced your being, kind of like what had happened to Bucky and Steve in a way just with different effects.

“A little yeah, maybe stronger? But that’s neither here nor there.”

“And there was no way to reverse it?”

“We’re working on that, but for now, I’m just glad it saved my life. Funny how my life's work is the reason I almost died and I am still alive today,” You let out a quick laugh

Bucky didn’t find this funny, he frowned at you again and pulled you even closer against his body. “Not funny,” he muttered,

“Oh lighten up asshole, I can joke about it now.”

“Too soon,”

“I know but it’s okay because I am here, you are here and that’s it.”

You tilted your head up again and kissed him sweetly, Bucky sighing into the kiss. He’d never get used to kissing you, it was his new favorite thing to do. He held onto you tightly, like he had been doing since you came back to him. Too afraid to let you go for fear of losing you again but he knew in his heart that nothing would take away what he felt for you, and vice versa. He was going to hold onto you till his dying breath and even then if there was some kind of afterlife, he knew he would spend an eternity holding onto you because you made him feel whole and more alive than any other soul in the universe.

“I love you,” Bucky muttered breaking the kiss,

“I love you more, idiot.”

This made him smile.

~~~

In the months following your ‘death’, things changed drastically, more people came forward exposing Hydra. SHIELD cracked down on their operatives and began rooting out moles and other Hydra agents among them. The Avengers became the front runners in doing this, shutting down as many Hydra cells as they could.

Bucky, of course, took it a little more personally than the rest of the team, as he had a new fervor to fight with. He tried his best to stay out of the fighting as much as possible, after the last fight he’d been in had brought out more of the Soldier that he would have liked, but he still went on missions with the rest of the team. 

Bucky had told you what he’d done after you were taken and both of you agreed, he’d stay out of the line of fire, it was better for everyone. 

You, on the other hand, had a whole new life to start, and it began by hiding out in Bucky’s lake house, trying to figure out what you were going to do next with your company now under the control of Stark Industries, you had the financial freedom to do whatever you wanted.

“I like Germany?” You said taking a bite out of the slice of pizza in your hand, the two of you seated on the floor in the living room of his lake house which had now become your home too.

“No, I don’t have good memories of Germany,” Bucky shook his head,

“What about somewhere in Morocco?”

“Yeah, Morocco is a hard pass, the Winter Soldier has been there too many times,”

“God, is there anywhere in the world you actually like?”

“I like Italy.”

You paused for a moment, chewing thoughtfully at his suggestion. The two of you were trying to pick a destination for you to go to for a little while, to lay low at until this Hydra thing blew over. Turned out it was harder than you’d imagined, seeing as neither of you could agree on a place to go to.

“Italy is only nice in the summer,” You replied,

“No, it’s not, Italy is nice all year round,”

“Uhh, have you been there recently? Because I have, and it’s not,”

“Don’t argue with me, I am telling you, Italy is for us,”

“Oh yeah, how can you be so sure I’ll like it?”

“Because, it’s got wine and pasta and Prada, everything you love, sweetheart,”

You laughed heartily at his response, before leaning over a kissing him sweetly on the lips.

“You get me, Bucky Barnes.” You murmured smiling at him.

~~~

‘Terrorist organization rooted out in SHIELD as the Avengers shut down the organization in pursuit of the criminals behind the human experimentation's done in Queens. Doctor Werner Reinhardt, Baron Strucker, and Alexander Pierce all arrested as allegations made against them bring to light their ties to the criminal activities. Officials are now calling for Senator Sterns arrest amidst his ties to the Hydra sect. Forerunner to this whole operation is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes whose tireless efforts have brought justice to so many nameless victims in this war-’ - NY Post

“Are you reading the New York post, again?” Bucky sighed grabbing the tablet out of your hands and tossing it onto the nearby couch,

“Yes I am, and give that back, I wasn’t done,” You grumbled reaching for it but Bucky snatched it up again and held it out of arm's length as he sat down beside you, pulling you close.

“What are you even reading?” He asked his eyes going to the heading of the article you were reading and he groaned, “Good god, don’t read this pompous trash,”

“Why not, my boyfriend’s a hero and an Avenger.” You laughed,

“Fiance and retired Avenger,” Bucky corrected you,

“Semantics,”

“No, say it,”

“No, it’s a stupid word.”

“Oh my god, don’t mock centuries of tradition, woman, I put a ring on that finger, and demand you call me your fiance!” Bucky feigned offense as he tossed the tablet onto the coffee table and pounced on you pinning your hands over your head, pushing you down onto the couch.

“No, you giant moron, nothing about you and I are traditional,” You laughed as he assaulted your neck with kisses. Bucky let go of your hands and nudged your legs open, settling above you with a grin on his face.

“I missed you,” He said softly completely changing the tone of the mood, he leaned in and kissed you, softly.

“I missed you more,” You said, pulling him in for another kiss,

“So are you all set for our sabbatical?” He asked, pulling away and sitting up,

“Yeah, can’t wait to stop hiding out here and actually go on a real date with you,”

“I’ll take you on all the dates, the moment we get there,” Bucky grinned at you,

“That makes no sense,”

“I know,”

“You’re so stupid,”

“But you love me.”

And oh how you did love him.

~~~

The sun was setting over the beautiful horizon, it casts a warm glow across the apartment kitchen. Sun streaks dancing across the terracotta rooftops in Florence, a soft breeze making the silky curtains flutter with them. You stood on the balcony holding a glass of wine in your hand, gently twirling the stem in your hand and watching the sunset. 

You hear soft footsteps behind you moments before you feel Bucky slip his arms around your shoulders and draw your back flush to him. His muscular naked torso hot against your body.

“There you are,” He murmured against the skin on your neck before placing a kiss on your bare shoulder,

“Thought you were still asleep,” You said reaching up behind you and carting your fingers through his hair, he needed a hair cut. 

“I was but you weren’t there and you know I can’t sleep without you,”

You smiled at this comment, two years later and he was still so god damn needy. You loved it.

“You’re such a needy little bitch,” You laughed softly and this earned you a little nip on your neck from Bucky.

“It’s called love, you hussy.”

You laughed again and twisted around in his arms to face him. You placed the wine glass down on the table next to you and reached up linking your arms around his neck. God, he looked so fucking perfect in the setting sunlight,

“Why are you so pretty?” You sighed leaning into him and placing a kiss on his neck,

“What kind of question is that?” Bucky chuckled tightening his arms around your waist as you trailed a line of kisses across his neck and jaw,

“You’re supposed to say I am pretty too, Bucky,”

“You’re pretty too, sweetheart.” He laughed, a moment before his lips found yours and he kisses you with fervor. The way his hands slid down your body, over your ass and to the back of your thighs before he lifted you into his arms told you where this was going and you weren’t about to complain.

~~~

It was well into the evening when the two of you collapsed tiredly onto the soft sheets beside each other, breathless and satisfied. The pale moonlight drifted across the room, casting a pale glow through it.

It was a perfectly starry night outside, and the weather was perfect. In fact, every day since the two of you had gotten here was perfect. There wasn’t a moment that you weren’t at absolute peace here.

After traveling around for a bit with Bucky to the Bahamas, Mexico and half of the Asia's, you’d both decided on Italy for an extended sabbatical. It was the perfect place for both of you considering how much you loved the food and wine and, well, Bucky just agreed with you because it was where he wanted to go the most.

It had been the most amazing year of your life, being with Bucky and traveling the world. He retired as an Avenger but still, on occasion, helped out his friends with missions when they asked nicely. But otherwise, he left that Avenging life behind, and the two of you lost yourselves to each other, traveling. It kind of became a history lesson with you every time you visited a new place and Bucky told you something new about it, or when he was here as the Winter Soldier. Things he remembered or had done. He was open and honest with you and it was everything you could have asked for.

A year since your ‘death’, Bucky asked you to marry him as the two of you stood in the Louvre beneath the starry night sky and you were at a loss for words. It had been the longest time since anything had felt normal for the two of you and at that moment you realized both of you wanted more than to keep traveling and moving around.

So you decided on Italy, Florence to be specific, the one place both of you could agree on wholeheartedly, and it turned out to be the best decision you’d ever made. A wedding in Florence with the few people that mattered to both of you and those who knew you were alive of course, Steve, Sam, Tony, Natasha among the guests and then it became your home.

You missed New York City, as you’d spent your whole life there. Bucky said maybe one day when all this was over, the two of you could go back, but as soon as you found a home in Florence you forgot all about New York and it suddenly felt like the home the two of you always needed.

And tonight, on the anniversary of your living here, you couldn’t have thought of a better place to be. The two of you now stood on the balcony enjoying the quiet of the night and each other’s embrace, taking in the beauty of the city below.

“You were right, Italy is great any time of the year,” You murmured kissing his forehead,

“I’m always right,” Was all Bucky said, and you could almost hear the smirk in his voice at that moment. You laughed softly and intertwined your fingers with him, the gold band on your finger glinting in the soft moonlight.

“Okay, calm down there, you’re right like forty percent of the time,” You snorted,

“Let’s not have this argument again or I will have to bring up Acra,”

“You wouldn’t dare!” You gasped feigning shock and Bucky laughed.

“Oh, I would, believe me, I would.”  

You were about to reply when the soft sound of a cry came through the little black monitor you’d set on the table nearby. Both of you sighed, and Bucky moved first.

“I’ll get her,” He said giving you a quick kiss before he made his way back inside and you can’t help but grin at his retreating figure. You still couldn’t believe just how much your life had changed since meeting Bucky, from hating him with every fiber of your being, to loving him more than you could ever love someone. Of course, you had Nick Fury to thank for all this, and you laughed at the thought of thanking Nick Fury for allowing Bucky into your life because god how you loved, adored and cherished James Buchanan Barnes.

#Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky x reader #Bodyguard!Bucky #Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #Bucky #Bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes series #Bucky barnes imagine #marvel au #bucky barnes au #bodyguard!au #Bodyguard fic

[colubrina]

Happy Birthday @trelevona​!!! As usual, my brain stayed from the path.  I’m sorry, but I hope it amuses anyway, and that you have had the best of birthdays!.

“Fuck off.”  Draco Malfoy didn’t even spare a glance for Harry Potter.  Of all the myriad things in this world he was tired of, the Chosen One was near the top of the list.  War was over.  He’d been found not guilty at his trial – apparently you weren’t supposed to press gang children into war, something that no one had bothered telling either Voldemort or Dumbledore – but dear old Potter was still sure that if he was breathing he must be up to something.

Which he was.  He was up to ordering a fucking drink.  “Two pints,” he said to the bartender.  Potter might be glowering, and the nasty little posse he had around himself as well, but the bar didn’t care what he’d done in the war.  They cared that he paid his tab on time and didn’t manhandle the wait staff.

Something which, based on the elbow one of said wait staff ‘accidentally’ bashed into Weasley’s face as she passed, could clearly not be said for everyone.

Draco took his drinks, threw enough of a tip on the counter to make up for what was surely poor tipping on Potter’s part, and stalked across the room.  Theo, Blaise, and Pansy were gathered in a dark corner.  Draco put a drink in front of Pansy, and slid his own arse into a chair.

“What brings you out?” Blaise asked.  

“Your mother,” Draco said.  He took a long swallow of the ale, then added, “Clear out.”

“Fucker,” Theo said, but he got up.  “You coming?” he asked Pansy.

She shook her head.

“It’s your evening to waste,” Theo said.  Blaise blew Granger a kiss on the way to the door, which – predictably – got the whole rotten lot of goody-two-shoes agitated.  

“You both like causing trouble,” Pansy said.

“Being agreeable didn’t work out well for me,” Draco said.  He’d wanted to please his father, then his teachers, and finally the devil himself, and all it had gotten him was an ugly scar and a lifetime subscription to The Weekly Nightmare.  Now he didn’t give a shit about pleasing anyone.  

Except her.

“So,” he asked Pansy, “do anything fun today?”

“Not yet,” she said and laced her fingers through his. “But the night’s still young.”

Draco let himself take a smidgeon of comfort from the warmth of her small hand, then said, “So it is, Pans.  So it is.”

#*writing #dransy #draco x pansy #draco malfoy #pansy parkinson

[ifonly4mynallas]

FINDING THE BROTHERHOOD w/@warriorkhaia

KCaldwell wasn't much different than most other cities, but it was the home of the Brotherhood and the blind king.  Khaia had been searching for answers most of her life and now she was hoping she'd get some.  However, that was appearing to be easier said then done.  

She went to the clubs looking for them, but hadn't found any.  This evening she decided to walk the streets and see if she find one on patrol.  The moon was high in the sky this evening.  It lit the streets up almost as well as the sun did during the daytime. There was no real chance for surprise on either side. 

There was movement and the smell of baby powder coming from the alleyway.  It was a little darker than the street, but not by much. Khaia started to slow move between the warehouses.  She had her weapons pulled as she got closer to that horrid smell and that was when she heard the fighting.  

A male with a scar on his face was fighting two lessers.  The way he moved told her he was a Brother.  She knew he didn't need her help, but she kept her blades out and that was when she saw several.more lessers emerging from doorway across the alley.  The male had sent one back to the Omega, but hadn't noticed the new arrivals.  

Khaia didn't hesitate to move in on the ones approaching.  Each time she sent one back, got some justice for Khaos.  There was another pop of light behind her and the male was now helping her with these lessers. 

Z- 

My head was not in the game tonight. All I kept thinking about was Bella getting her ass handed to her by Xhex during a training session. Bruises on my beloved’s untainted body was all I could envision. That and the recoil she would inevitably have at the touch of my hands. How was I going to lie next to her and not be able to touch her for fear of hurting her more?

Bullets suddenly whizzed by my ear. Shit! Pay attention, Z! Or, you won’t be in that bed to touch Bella, at all!

“Fuck, Z! Where’s your head at?!” Shouted Phury from the other end of the alley.

I didn’t respond. I had not explained to him about cutting back in my hours, because it was none of his business. I sure as fuck wasn’t going to explain to him about Bella’s nightmares. That was between Bella, Mary, and me. No one else needed to know about it, unless Bella decided to enlighten them.

The lessers were particularly scrappy tonight. It was as if they were wearing their balls on their sleeves. Either that, or they were hopped up on something and had no sense of self-preservation. More than likely, it was the latter. 

One of the shitheads tried to bolt and Phury ran after him, while I continued to kick ass with the two that were left. Just as I sent one back to his maker, I heard a scuffle coming from behind me. Spinning around, I was just in time to see an unknown female take on a couple more lessers that had shown up behind me. Where the fuck did she come from and how did she learn to do that?! She definitely wasn’t a trainee, although, it was obvious that this was not the first time she had been out fighting.

As I was sizing up the female and her skill, a bullet plowed through my left bicep. “Shit! You doped up, mother fucker!” I growled, as I spun back around to face the remaining lesser. With my good arm, I raised up my glock and pulled the trigger once. It landed exactly where I wanted it to, between his eyes and grounded him. Phury appeared from around the corner and drove his dagger through the lesser’s heart, before pointing at the female down the alley.

In response, I shrugged, as if to say, “Not a clue,” then rushed down the alley to help with the one lesser that was about to get her from behind.

Khaia: As she turned around, Khaia saw two males there now.  The new one resembled the one with the scar, so she figured they were related.  Their build and look were what she had heard that the brothers looked like.  They had to be part of the elite warriors.  Now she needed to figure out how to introduce herself and see if she was right. They were both staring at her as if she were an alien as she walked over to them, she offered her hand. “I’m Khaia, blooded daughter of the Brother Khaos. May I inquire who you may be?”  She watched them as they seemed to be processing what she had just said.  There was still a bit of an accent from the old world left, but she was working on losing it.   It seemed like it had been a lifetime and she knew not to expect a warm welcome; that was when the one with the long hair spoke.  “I’m Phury and this is…”  He trailed off deciding to let the other male answer for himself she figured.  Her eyes fell upon.  His arm was bleeding a bit.  The bullet appeared to have grazed him or a little deeper than a graze, but it had gone through.  

Z - I watched, cautiously, curious as this female approached after the fight. Our procedure was normally to call for Butch when finished, but he had the night off, for which I was actually glad of seeing the situation in front of us. As I stabbed the second-to-last one home, the female introduced herself as the blooded daughter of a Brother. My eyes narrowed as I took in the whole of the female in front of me. She definitely fought like a warrior, a not quite sufficiently trained warrior, but she had combat in her veins. She wasn’t a wannabe fighter like some. She moved like she was born for it. With some real training, she could give Xhex and Payne a run for their money. 

All that being said, she was a complete stranger and while Phury was all happy and willing to dump his truths out on the table, I wasn’t. “You can ask.” I replied as I walked around her and over to the last remaining lesser that was struggling to mouth something seemingly important. I couldn’t make it out and I wasn’t incredibly interested, anyway. I rummaged around in his pants for his wallet, then slid my black dagger through his heart.

The Brother that this female claimed was her sire had been a champion among us and I didn’t believe for a second that she was of his blood. Ever since Wrath had come forward as king and opened up the Audience House to the masses, people were coming in from everywhere and anywhere, claiming to be the long lost blood of any of our past Brothers. It was easy to claim lineage to the dead.

I stood up and looked back at her. “You know, you could get killed, out here, fighting by yourself. Why don’t you leave this job to the big boys?”

Khaia: “I’ve been fighting lessers for almost three centuries.  Been by myself through it all.  Had no ‘Big Boys’ to help me.”  Her words were directed to the one with the scar.  She knew what he was thinking.  He acted like others she had come across in the old world.  - There was no way she was the young of a Brother.  She had to be lying. -  “If I die, I know that my family is waiting for me in the fade.  I don’t fear death.”   Khaia let his perceptions of her roll off.  “By the way, thank you for covering my covering my back, but I knew he was there.  You just got to him first.”  Ever since she was a small child she followed her gut and knew when someone was watching her or behind her no matter how quiet they were.  “I was hoping to find a Brother or two to help me see the king, but it appears that isn’t going to happen.  I’ve been trying to learn more about my father for a long time and thought he might be able to help, but that’s not your concern.  Sorry I bothered you.”  She looked back over at the one with the scar.  “Maybe you should make sure to keep the big boys around to help you fight.”  She knew her words were cocky and a bit over the top, but that was how she had managed to stay alive.  Never show fear and always be confident.  The words from her brother’s final post in his journals.  Was always telling her that and she knew he was right.  Before she started to turn and walk away from them, she smiled.  “Nice to meet you Phury and you too.”  She looked at Zsadist.  “Have a nice patrol.”  Then she started to walk down the alley.  

Zsadist:

This one had a set of steel fucking balls, and not one lick of a brain in sight. Anyone worth a damn gave a shit about going home at the end of the night. It’s one thing to be willing to die for a cause, it’s another to not care if you live or die, at all.

I coughed out a “Bullshit!” under my breath at her next comment. She hadn’t seen that lesser coming and if I hadn’t have stepped in, she just might have gotten her wish to meet her family in the Fade.

And… that’s when the truth came out. She had been looking for us Brothers. Looking for a handout, more likely. Well, I wasn’t as stupid as she sounded. I turned away and began to scour the alley, looking for anything the lessers might have left behind. I had wasted enough time on this fucking female. I didn’t need to hear any more of this, ‘I am so blatantly a groupie’ talk.

Just as I found a backpack behind a dumpster, she was telling Phury how nice it was to meet us. I waved without looking up, “Yeah, yeah,” and picked up the bag. Packets of black powder fell out of it onto the pavement. “What the…? Hey Phury, come here.”

Phury first made pleasantries with the female before heading my way. 

“Don’t feed into that groupie shit, brother.” I waved a hand at the pile of packets on the ground. “Motherload.”

“You could have been a little more civil to her. What if she actually is related to Khaos?” He leaned in. “Holy shit!” He picked up one of the packets. “That’s that shit that everyone has been talking about. Pack it up. We’ll have to bring it back to the manse.” He stopped for a second. “What the fuck is this?!” He grabbed my left arm, the one with the bullet hole in it.

“Fuck, man! That hurts.”

“I’m sure it does. Don’t you think you should have mentioned it before now?” He let go.

“It’s fine. Through-and-through. And, don’t even think about telling me I need to go back to the manse. We can wrap it up and move on. It’s good. I’m good.”

Phury fussed a bit, but he knew he wasn’t going to win. So, he grabbed something to wrap it with and went to work making sure it was bandaged up well.

Khaia:

Khaia knew they were Brothers and she had gotten a cold reception just as she thought she would.  Maybe she should have shown them her father's family ring.  It was one thing her mother had of his.  No doubt he thought her brother would end up becoming a Brother, but that had not been what happened. 

As she headed down the next dark alley way, she was still bashing herself and her attitude when she saw a few lessers huddled around the back end of a car.  They looked more like drug dealers then the evil minions of the Omega.  Silently she moved closer, so she could try and hear them better. 

The one with the whitest hair was telling the two where to go and sell the product he had in the backpacks he was giving them.  Before he could speak she knew there was someone behind her and her sixth sense knew they were a threat.  She turned quickly and plunged her dagger into his neck as she slight his throat and then pulled him behind a dumpster where she finished him.  

When she came back up she saw the lower level lessers were gone and the elder was driving away in his car.  She pulled out her phone and took a picture of the car with its plates.  Then she decided to finish clearing this area before heading to Zero Sum to see if she could find the sellers.  Just as she was about to start down the rest alley, the two brothers were coming toward her. 

Z:

Phury and I had moved on after doing another once over of the alley. We wanted to make sure we hadn’t missed anything else lying around the area. Satisfied we had scoured every inch, I slung the backpack over my shoulder and we began to move on.

The next hour or so was spent with Phury trying to keep my head in the game. I just wasn’t all there tonight. I still felt a lot of guilt for spending so much time away from Bella and Nalla and I was still convinced that I was to blame for all the nightmares that Bella had been having recently. We were about to call it a night when we caught whiff of more lessers.

Attack ready, we cornered the end of an alley, only to come across the same female we had run into before. What are the fucking chances? In a city like Caldwell, with all the people in it, how likely was it that we would run into the same female twice in one night, unless she was being an idiot and not taking my advice, the advice that attempted to tell her that this war on the lessers was ours to fight, the Brotherhood’s conflict. We didn’t need amateurs dying due to the fact that they were out there trying to fight our battles. It seemed to happen much too frequently.

At the sight of her, I threw up my hands in the air and began to turn to walk away, but Phury couldn’t help himself. He started after her. “You know, Z may not have come across in the best way, but he does have a point. These lessers are no joke, and we end up seeing untrained fighters killed all the time for going out and trying to take them on. You really should leave this war up to us.”

Khaia:

When she looked up there were the two Brothers.  Wait not confirmed Brothers.  The one with the longer hair was, Phury… Yes, that was his name was telling her the perils of hunting lessers.  She politely listened as she watched the other one acting like he was shocked. 

Khaia placed her dagger back into its place in leathers.  "I appreciate the concern, but I'm not an untrained novice."  She watched Phury abd Z's expressions.  "Or do believe the only training is in the Brotherhood?  If so, your wrong. "

She paused a moment,"I've been hunting and killing lessers for almost two centuries."  A slight accent from the old world coming through. "I started in the old world.  The Brotherhood was gone there, because most of the lessers were supposed to be eliminated. And I've never thought of protecting our race as a joke.  I lost my twin brother to lessers." 

The one with skull trim was watching her, but she had a feeling her words were falling on deaf ears.  "All I want is to speak to the leader of the Brotherhood or the Blind King."  She pulled her father's ring for under her shirt.  "Besides my mother's journals, this all I have of my father.  It was left for my brother.  It's his family crest."  

Phury moved closer to see it.  "I know you both think I'm a fake or delusional, but I know the truth.  I'm Khaos' daughter and I just want to find someone that knew him.  That can tell me about him."

She could see Phury empathized with her, but she couldn't read Z at all.  "If you had or have a young and something happened you or took you away from them, wouldn't you want your Brothers to at least hear them out?  To see if they could fill in the missing pieces?"

Z:

Shaking my head, I listened to Phury waste his breath, explaining things to this groupie that she wasn’t going to hear, anyway. The amateur fighters usually never did. They always thought that they knew it all. They had learned enough. Yeah… enough to get them killed most of the time.

That’s okay, half of what she said fell on deaf ears, as my thoughts drifted off to the things that mattered. Bella. Nalla. Bella getting the shit kicked out of her by Xhex and Payne. Fuck! I was never going to get through this all in one mental piece.

I noticed Phury closing in to get a look at something. Sweet Jesus, what now? Does she wear the ribbon of her Sire’s color? That shit’s common knowledge. Or, does she have paperwork declaring herself kin to Khaos? Forgeries. I’d seen it all before. The lengths these wannabes went through to pass themselves off as blood… it was pathetic, really.

I didn’t bother to look her way, just waited for Phury to have his fill of this fantasy she was peddling so we could get the hell out of here and back to the manse.

“Z!” Phury bounced me out of my thoughts, “She has his ring.”

“Sure she does.”

Then she said something that struck a chord. What if she were Nalla? A growl rumbled from deep in my gut. Fucking bitch! Trying to pull at my heartstrings like that! I wasn’t doing this! I stepped forward, into her space, “Don’t you fuck with me, female. I don’t care who you are, I will floor you right here for trying to use children for your own sympathy. Now, I’m walking away. If I see you out here again, turn around and go the other way. I won’t be as nice as I was this time.”

I turned on my heel and began to stalk off. I didn’t give two shits at this point if Phury was following. “I’ll see you at home, Brother mine.” I tossed over my shoulder before I dematted out of sight.

Phury turned toward the female, “I apologize for my brother. He’s not really the trusting type.” He pulled a card out of his pocket and held it out to her. There was nothing printed on it aside from a phone number. “This is the phone number to the Audience House. You can call it to make an appointment to see the King. It’s the best I can do for you.”

Khaia:

Over the past two centuries and then some she had tried to anything she could about her father, but had ran into more males like the scarred one then ones like Phury.  They all assumed she was a novice and lying, but you know what they say when assume things.  That you end up making an ass out you and me.  Whether the scarred one believed her not, she was Khaos daughter.  

She took the card and listened to Phury.  "I'll the number.  Thank you, for at least giving me the benefit of the doubt."  The one called Z was gone and Phury smiled at her then left.  

Khaia decided to head home or back to small place she was renting.  Once there she kicked off her boots, tossed her coat on the chair and dropped onto the bed before dialing the number.  It rang several times, before an answering machine picked up.  

She left a detailed message, but after her not so warm welcome she didn't expect a reply.  It appeared that the Brotherhood only believed what they wanted to and everything else be damned.  Until now,  she hadn't realized that the male's words had actually stung.  Zsadist had treated like dirt or actual less then dirt and part of her wanted to prove him wrong. Yet, another part of her after all this time was beginning to think it wasn't worth the verbal beatings she had taken fir the last 200 or so years.  

The Brotherhood was said to be an honorable group of males.  Males of worth that protected the race, but Khaia had very few that were honorable or of worth.  The stories seemed to be just that, stories with no real truth.  

She sighed and when to take a shower.  When she returned to her phone there was a text with a day and time to be at the Audience House.  At first she was excited, but that didn't last long.  Her thoughts immediately went back to the two brothers she met tonight and how no doubt when her audience came around, their opinions would have been aired.  She expected nothing from this except being told she was a fraud and so on.  If that happened, there was no reason to stay here.  

-End-

#SASBDB

#FindingtheBrotherhood

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 156: Deku Potter and the Cursed Child

Previously on BnHA: Chronostasis was revealed to be holding Aizawa prisoner on some lower level of the Neverending Basement. He has sexy clock hair which he’s used to basically paralyze Aizawa for the next hour. Deku fought Overhaul for a little bit at 20% OFA and it basically did nothing. Meanwhile Mirio tried to drag Eri away to safety, but ended up collapsing due to blood loss. He told Eri to go and hide, but she wasn’t able to take the guilt of thinking she’s responsible for all this death and carnage, and she went back and told Overhaul she’d go with him if he stopped hurting everyone and fixed them all back up. Overhaul said some more bullshit things which got Deku all fired up again, and our little green hero stumbled to his feet and shouted that he’d save Eri no matter what. And then THANK FUCK, Ryuukyuu and my badass ladies Tsuyu, Ochako, and Hadou came busting in out of nowhere. I really need this girl power squad to turn the tide here because tbh, I’ve had just about enough of this.

Today on BnHA: We flash back to see how the badass lady squad battled Katsukame, the giant vitality-stealing bad guy who kept sucking energy from everyone and converting it into his own power. Just as they were finally wrapping things up, “Deku” appeared and told them that their assistance was needed in the Neverending Basement. “Deku” of course turned out to be Toga, but that doesn’t really matter since in the end she helped the heroes out. Back in the present, Deku asks Ochako to help Nighteye while he goes after Overhaul and Eri. Overhaul tries to escape through the new hole in the ceiling, and Deku leaps after him. Meanwhile we learn through more flashbacks that Eri is actually the granddaughter of the Comatose Boss, and that she was abandoned by her mother (the boss’s daughter) after her quirk manifested and she somehow vanished her father. Overhaul was assigned to look after her and eventually learned that her quirk is able to rewind time. Back in the present (again), Eri’s quirk begins to awaken, and she leaps toward Deku’s arms.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 185 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

everyone, I have an announcement. today, 1/13/19, is an auspicious day. today I am finally going to finish this arc after four long years. or maybe it’s only been a couple months. I lost track of time somewhere in the darkness. but anyways. I’m gonna do it. the binge starts... now

oooh!

come to think, we never did learn her actual quirk. obviously it’s something to do with destroying other people’s quirks, because that’s what they were weaponizing her DNA for. but what exactly is it that she does?

so we’re backtracking to “a short time ago”, and Ryuukyuu and her squad have successfully taken down the villain from all the way back in chapter 138

you see how they did that with no casualties? that’s cuz they’re competent. and also because they didn’t split up like fools, although for the most part that was out of the others’ control. (but them leaving Tamaki was still stupid af)

so they’re hurrying to go help the others

but something is happening??

oh shit the guy wasn’t fully knocked out

he’s using his quirk to sap their energy

aaaaand he’s getting bigger and breaking free of his bonds

he’s all amped up on quirkroids just like Irinaka was. fuck

so they were stuck dealing with him for another 20 minutes! during which time two whole months passed in the labyrinth of uninteresting chapters. ugh

it looks to me like the ladies ended up having to babysit the cops

Ryuukyuu’s shouting at Hadou and OH MY GOD WE’RE FINALLY GETTING THE DETAILS OF HER QUIRKKKKK

she should have kicked ass at the sports festival. I still don’t know why she never placed. maybe she just got disqualified for asking her opponent too many inappropriate personal questions

-- hey now what is this

I’m preeeeeeetty sure it’s not!

which means it’s Toga oh my god

so what is she up to?

it looks for all the world like she’s actually pointing them in the right direction so they can come bail the others out before they lose to Overhaul. total betrayal of the Precepts. yes please. I fucking love it omg

also, just to remind everyone, Horikoshi is terrible at math because if this really is Toga she should have only had enough blood to turn into Deku for like three seconds. I wonder if she’ll be in a rush to get back out of there before her cover is blown

(ETA: shoutout to @temperatezone who Did The Math and calculated that Toga probably has around 35 seconds’ worth of Deku blood, so this scene is indeed plausible, if just barely! and we’ll just have to wait and see if she actually used up all the blood she has with this stunt, or if we’ll be seeing not!Deku make any future appearances.)

fuck yes the girls are wrapping this up now! with coordinated team action!

good LORD he got big

and they’re smashing through the ground and winding up in Overhaul’s spiky rock room as we saw earlier!

could you guys also smash just one more level down and save Aizawa too, please and thanks

also Deku is there -- the real Deku -- and Ochako is like

THEN WHO WAS DEKU

hee

-- oh my god fucking gross, Toga

“plus chaos”?? is that their new thing?

do you guys secretly want to go to U.A. too. “we’re forming our own team. it’s called the... uh... revengers”

also is this the first time we’ve seen Compress with his missing arm? I forget if he was in the flashback chapter from before. and I’m not gonna go back and check right now because I have more important things to do, namely BINGGGGE

(ETA: kinda glad I didn’t check, because the Robot Arm came as such a pleasant surprise in chapter 160)

look at this elaborate plan they concocted

was Compress being held hostage?? how much of this arc did I drift through in a boredom-induced haze omg

(ETA: okay so this was never actually clarified, but based on the information we have, it would seem that Tomura was planning on having his minions kidnap Eri when the opportunity arose, and that’s why Twice made a copy of Mr. Compress to save for a rainy day. Compress then used his quirk on himself?, and then simply sat around in one of their pockets waiting for the plan to go into effect.

but this all means that Toga and Twice were both somehow able to lie even under the influence of Nemoto’s quirk in chapter 149, though. so that’s weird. unless they somehow came up with this plan all on their own, in which case it technically wouldn’t have been Tomura’s plan, and so Nemoto’s wording of that particular question would have allowed them to say no. but that seems like a reach. then again, this all does, pretty much. so...)

and also, so we’re back to Twice making more than two copies of things, I presume? or did they do all this with only two sets of them

(ETA: @r5h helped me with this one back in 149; even though Twice can only make two copies of things, each of his clones has the same quirk, and so each of them can make two more copies, etc. etc. although this would mean Twice broke his self-imposed rule of not copying himself. but hey it was for a good cause)

anyway. so Twice is telling Compress that Eri is the core of the Precepts’ operation and that she’s just a little kid

omg. they want Compress to snatch her. like he did with Katsuki omg

listen guys. I’m somehow mostly on your side here. even when you abducted Kacchan, it led to my two favorite parts of the series, so yeah. but if you abduct any more children, particularly this one who has been through enough trauma for a lifetime, you’re going to lose some points again

although why do I feel like even Tomura would end up being way kinder to Eri than Overhaul ever was. I feel like they wouldn’t really hurt her, but they’d probably end up brainwashing and manipulating her much in the same way that AFO did to Tomura. that’s the more classy villain thing to do

(ETA: they’d give her lots of ginger ale)

wtf. apparently Compress is a copy? I’m so fucking confused. can anyone help me puzzle this out seeing as the anime won’t air this for another year. I’m tempted to go find the reddit discussion thread of this chapter and see if they got it sorted

(ETA: bah, the reddit discussion was just a bunch of speculation on what Eri’s quirk actually was and whether she was going to become Orihime 2.0. reddit needs to calm the fuck down sometimes lol)

anyway, so Compress is dropping in on everyone now and bitching about how mean Toga and Twice are to him

Deku’s shouting at Ochako to take care of Nighteye

float him out to safety, I guess? the dude’s already a goner Deku

and he’s running toward Eri

but

Overhaul you BITCH, DID YOU HURT MY SWEET GIRL

DEKU HOW CAN WE MAKE IT SO THIS FUCKER NEVER AGAIN SEES THE LIGHT OF DAY

son of a bitch

I said how can we make it so he does not see the light of day, Deku!!

are you just standing there while he escapes on this jutting rock elevator like Scar singing “Be Prepared” in The Lion King

YES. DUH

oh for fuck’s sake he’s leaping after him and screaming “I won’t let you!”

right now you don’t have a very good track record for living up to those words, Deku

Overhaul’s all “give it up already”

once again, they’re not the ones dragging it out, you ass

and now, weirdly, he’s being interrupted by a giant rock wearing Mirio’s cape?

I dub thee “Lemillirock”

I’m sorry, are we really supposed to believe that a giant fucking rock wearing a billowing cape just somehow got “blown up” twenty feet in the air toward you all on its own?

and what, are they just stopping to admire it now?

Eri’s reaching out to grab the cape

the narration says she wasn’t even conscious of the fact that she was doing it

and she’s remembering Mirio’s whole “a hero’s cape is for safely bundling up scared little girls all snug and secure like warm lil burritos” speech

is her quirk happening?!

what’s going on omg

Overhaul seems shocked by something

FLASHBACK

ahhhhh so she’s the old boss’s granddaughter. that makes much more sense

the boss’s daughter apparently cut her ties with the family after a marriage dispute, and had a kid

and then...

well that’s nice

um WHAT

UM. WHAT

jesus christ. apparently Eri mutated a quirk that had nothing to do with the quirks on either side of her family lineage

don’t mind me just making a note of this for future theorizing. please, continue

so apparently her quirk just straight up makes things disappear. just disappears ‘em

so the boss told Overhaul to look after her, and to also investigate just what her quirk was

so he did some experiments with rats and stuff

WHAT

WAIT WHAT

omg

wait so is this like that thing in Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator that de-aged people, and if you took too much you’d actually be de-aged into negative years??

does this mean that with more training she could master control of it and turn it into a time travel quirk??

(ETA: future number one hero here. for sure. unstoppable. Deku this is your successor. actually you’d better watch out because you and Katsuki will have like 10 years at the top at most before she graduates and arrives fresh on the hero scene to boot y’all from that podium.

fucking imagine. she can heal anyone. stop bad guys by removing their quirks and/or turning them into cute babies. alter the landscape during fights. turn a few chickens into fucking dinosaurs. and that’s just scratching the surface.

is she overpowered? fucking yes lmao. do I care? yeah that’s gonna be a no from me dawg. besides, like her equally overpowered Lemillibrother before her, she probably won’t gain full control of her abilities until she’s all grown up, so it’s all good.)

and apparently he started doing fucked up shit to her right away because she immediately tried to escape starting on that day

Eriiii ;_;

:|

I need Eri to be adopted by a loving family and pampered and showered with love and affection every day for the rest of her life and they take her to Disney World and she meets the princesses and they all tell her how brave she is for never giving up, and now she finally has her happily ever after

do you remember how these fuckers were actually trying to bribe her with toys. as if that would make everything okay. sorry you’re being held captive and never shown the slightest affection and you’re being constantly tortured and you’re so scared and tired all the time because no matter what you know you’ll never be safe and you’ve even been conditioned to think all of it is your own fault. but here’s some toys. [leaves and comes back to find them unopened] WHY DIDN’T YOU PLAY WITH THEM. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT DIDN’T MAGICALLY MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

the narration is talking about how Mirio’s actions “shook her heart to the core”, and that she couldn’t bear to see people getting hurt trying to save her

and we’re back in real time and she’s saying “stop please, I don’t want you to die”

OH MY GOD

like, so wait. WHERE DID OVERHAUL GO

HER POWERS ARE AWAKENING. so they hadn’t before?? WHAT IS HER POWER OMG

but you know what. I can just CLICK TO THE NEXT CHAPTER AND FIND OUT. because like, that was the plan anyway :D

the last two omakes are just (1) Horikoshi announcing that the guy who draws Vigilantes drew him something to congratulate him on the new volume, and (2) the picture that said guy drew. which is Toga and Twice, but it’s not really anything special, aside from the fact that there’s a little caption saying “you know, I could ship this!” which, yeah buddy. I feel ya

#bnha #boku no hero academia #hadou nejire #uraraka ochako #toga himiko #midoriya izuku #overhaul (bnha) #eri (bnha) #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #here's a question for you #could eri's quirk be used to heal afo's potato face and restore him to full strength #it's probably a really good thing he's currently in tartarus with no news access #I really don't want to think about the kind of damage he could have done if he'd gotten his hands on her quirk #but part of me wonders if horikoshi isn't perhaps saving this plot twist for a rainy day #I guess we'll see eventually

[klimtandbencbatch]

Maybe a bit of a cliche one, but Tony trying to figure out why Stephen seems so much nicer to him post-Infinity War, really ever since he looked into the future. And then eventually Tony realizes/finds out/otherwise discovers that Stephen fell in love with him during those visions?

@grandraconteur thank you so much for the prompt!!! It’s late here so I did my best hope you don’t hate it lmao

In a snap, half the universe was gone. Left and right, people disintegrated, and the world dissolved into panic as their loved ones dissolved into nothingness.

No one knew this more sharply than Tony Stark.

He sat his ass on Titan, suit trashed, and with a nice new gash in his side, and he watched his friends - his only hopes, really, in terms of defeating the Great Purple Nutsack - die around him. He held Peter in his arms - Jesus, the kid, is he ever gonna be alright again? - and watched him cry out for help, beg for his life, cry real human tears before he went. He saw Starlord (or whatever) and his space buds eat it. And he saw Stephen Strange, the man who’d sworn that nothing would prevent him from protecting the time stone, give it all up for Tony.

For Tony fucking Stark.

In that last moment, he swore he saw something tender in Strange’s expression. Something time-worn, weary, and fond. But just like that, his eyes dusted out of his head, and Tony was alone.

Long story short, it was a long, painful, grueling ride to get things back to rights. A new Infinity gauntlet, hot rod red, another race to find the gems, another snap by Stark himself to get things back to the way they’d been. And God, when people started coming back, it was like the second coming of Christ. Mothers wept and held their children in the streets, lovers embraced, friends reunited. Tony himself cried when the kid showed back up somewhere in fuck-all Wakanda, grabbing Peter and holding him tight and just feeling him, smelling him, his heart nearly bursting with love and love and love for this stupid, reckless, innocent kid in his arms. A few days resting up and restoring on T’Challa’s bill, and they were back in New York. Back to being Iron Man, and Spider-Man. And back to being Doctor Strange.

It was a few weeks after their return to New York that Tony started to notice Strange hanging around a bit more.

The first few times scared the shit out of Tony. He’d be hard at work in his lab, and he’d hear the sudden sparking of a portal, and there the doctor would be. The first few times, Tony chased him out of his lab, hurling scrap metal and threats until the wizard was at least in the lobby. Tony would collect himself, slap on that signature Stark smile, and go greet his adoring public of one. But, eventually, the visits became routine. It became Stephen portaling to HQ, shaking hands full of Chinese or deli sandwiches, ready to sit and chat. Chat. From what Tony understood of Stephen Strange, he was not chatty. But it seemed that their shared death and near-death experiences brought them closer together. And Tony was never one to look a gift sandwich in the mouth. So he let it happen. He ate the sesame chicken, he shared the lurid story from college, and he got to see the Great and Mysterious Stephen Strange crack a smile. Not all bad, in the scheme of things.

But it was weird. It was weird that, all of a sudden, Stephen was beating down his door just to sit and drink coffee (or whatever weird tea that fucker was drinking that day - seriously, can you just boil weed and make tea? Weed tea?). And it wasn’t that Tony minded the company - he didn’t. He thought Strange was pretty great, all around. Funny, intelligent, somehow unknowable with all of his glowy orange magic and floating cloaks and books that wanted to chomp his hands off. And his face was something out of GQ. Those cheekbones had Tony weak in the knees more than once.

But back to being weird. It didn’t make any sense. And so Tony decided he was going to get to the bottom of it.

All of their little impromptu meetings had been on his turf, and so, for his first drop-in, he decided to mix it up. He dressed in a snazzy suit, got in his hottest of rods, and drove down to Greenwich Village, parking in front of a cute little lesbian bar and walking the few blocks over to get to the sanctum. He carefully adjusted the bag of gyros in his hand and knocked at the door, startling slightly as it swung open. He let himself in, whistling as he strolled into what looked like a kitchen, setting the food down and clearing his throat.

“Stranger Things? You in?”

His voice echoed off the dark wood floors, reverberating in the seemingly empty space. He sighed, heading back into the foyer and looking around. He figured his best bet was upstairs, and so took the stairs two at a time, heading towards the hallway of doors on his left.

“Stephen? I brought lunch. Greek food. I dunno, figured you’d be sick of - bodega subs. And, yknow, I don’t know where you go, exactly? But there’s gotta be a better place down here for sandwiches. That guy’s a bit too generous with the mustard.”

Still no answer. And he’d insulted what was clearly Stephen’s favorite sandwich joint. Maybe he was out. Just as he was about to head home - maybe he’d leave a cutesy note on the fridge - a door in his peripherals opened a hair.

“Fucking magic house,” he sighed, but he found his feet leading him in that direction regardless, and he pushed his way in.

There, floating four feet off the ground, was Stephen Strange, seemingly deep in a trance. Tony took a moment to admire his perfect posture, the calm expression on his face, the sharp eyebrows and perfect hair, the perfectly kissable cupid’s bow pout. Oh, yeah. He was pretty gone on Merlin, floaty though he may be.

He closed the door behind him, clearing his throat again. Still no answer. Must be in there pretty deep.

“Alright, Strange, you got me down here. Now wake up so we can have lunch and I can go home.”

Still, nothing. A twitch of the mouth, maybe. But no answer. Tony muttered to himself, marching over to Stephen and putting a hand on his knee, intending to wake him up. The ground fell out from beneath him, and he face-planted into red dirt, feeling it fill his mouth and nose.

He looked up, gasping. Titan, again.

“What the fuck?”

He pushed himself up a bit more, and he saw himself, and Strange, and Peter, and the space nerds - everyone was back. But why - ?

“All that for a drop of blood.”

Tony froze. He saw Thanos rise from the ground, and he felt his heart start to slam violently against his chest, his breath sawing in and out of his lungs at an alarming rate. What was happening? A brief moment passed, a moment of stillness. Then, he saw himself being stabbed again. But this time, Strange said nothing. He just sat and watched. He watched as Thanos took Tony’s head off with a second swipe of his blade, and Tony watched as Strange was beaten to death with a rock, the time stone appearing after the wizard drew his last breath. He looked away, not wanting to see anymore, hearing Peter begging for his life -

The ground was gone again. Back on Titan. No Thanos, it seemed. Not yet. He and Strange were talking softly, connecting, it looked like. He couldn’t hear over the wind, but his expression was gentle, open. And so was Stephen’s.

The ground fell. Titan. Stephen throwing himself in front of Tony, taking the blow, delaying the inevitable. They died in each others arms.

The ground fell. Tony and Stephen were away from the others, kissing, hands wandering, touching, squeezing.

The ground fell. Tony was dying for each of them, now. To save Peter. To save Starlord. To save the green guy, to save the bug girl, to save Strange.

To save Strange.

To save Strange.

To save Strange.

“Tony?”

Tony opened his eyes. Back in the sanctum, thank God. But why was he so dizzy?

“Tony, you’re hyperventilating. Breathe with me,” Stephen instructed, his ice blue eyes concerned, his trembling hands on either side of Tony’s face. Tony tried his damnedest to breathe. In and out. In and out.

“What the hell just happened?” He asked, his voice hoarse.

Stephen swallowed, helping Tony sit up, pulling a glass of water out of the air and pressing it into his hand. Tony took a few long pulls. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this thirsty.

“Just - a vision. I was having. Of the past,” Stephen explained haltingly, clearly uncomfortable. Tony squinted at him, not understanding. “It’s - “

“The futures you saw,” Tony finished for him, setting the glass aside. “Back on Titan. The - quarter million or some-odd outcomes. You were watching them again?”

“Yes,” Stephen answered quietly, his hands trembling a bit more strongly than usual. Tony laughed, shaking his head.

“That’s why you’re being so - friendly all the time, now. You feel bad. For killing me as many times as you did. And for how many times I took shit for you.”

Stephen’s eyes flashed as they came back up to Tony’s, filled with something Tony couldn’t name. “It’s not guilt.”

“Then what is it? Why’re you going back over them? Do you get off on seeing yourself die? Is it some - wizard death fetish thing?”

“Are you serious?” Stephen asked, his voice drier than Titan’s surface. “No. I’ve seen enough of that to last for a lifetime. I was… Skimming. For the good parts. I just - can’t always remember where they are.”

“Good parts?” Tony asked, confused. “None of that looked very good to me, doc. At all. Just a lot of - rocks and crushing and stabbing. And bleeding. And screaming.”

Stephen pushed himself to standing, walking over to sit on the edge of his bed. He looked at Tony a bit sadly, his eyes filled with - was that longing?

“Strange. Please tell me you weren’t just watching us make out before we died.”

The wizard’s cheeks turned pink, and his eyes dropped down to the wiry scars on the backs of his hands. “What you said is true. I have been… More open with you, lately. Part of it - part of it is guilt, I suppose. For making you take the brunt of saving the universe. I’ll never be sorry enough, regardless of it being the only way to - bring us all back.”

Tony stood as well, coming over to sit beside Stephen, watching him closely. “But?”

“But it’s… Over fourteen million timelines. And in each one, I was with you. And in each one… I saw you for who you really are. Not just the Tony Stark on the covers of magazines, or in - TED Talks. The real Tony Stark. The brave, caring, kind man that lives under his suit of armor. And I… Developed feelings for you.”

Tony’s gut flipped at Stephen’s admission. “Feelings.”

“Yes.”

“So… The making out…?”

“We’d clearly advanced further along in this discussion, in that timeline, at least.”

“…Uh huh.”

“Look, Tony, I - “

“No, hey, it’s fine,” Tony said quickly, bringing his hands up in surrender. “I’m not here to judge. Just… It’s kinda cute, yknow? You liking me. And so you bring me lunch. And funny med school stories. Jesus, what are we, twelve?”

Stephen laughed a bit, hiding it behind his hand. “I… I’ll admit, I’m a bit rusty. Haven’t done this in a while.”

Tony smiled, patting Stephen’s shoulder. “Well, hey. Lunch isn’t a bad way to start. What say we do it again? Start. A lunch date. But, like, a real one. Not in this - occult shop, and not at my greasy worktable. A real restaurant. Where real people eat.”

Stephen looked over at Tony, a bit surprised, a bit hopeful, and a lot in love. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Great. Get dressed. And leave the cloak at home. The place I’m thinking of has a strict no-relic policy.”

“Don’t know how we’re gonna get you through the front door, then,” Stephen teased, nudging Tony with his elbow as he stood from the bed.

“You’re my age, Doctor Salt-and-Pepper. Watch it.”

Maybe this was it. A lunch date, and then nothing more. Or maybe they’d keep opening up, keep learning from each other, keep fighting the forces of evil and saving the universe together. Tony smiled to himself, standing and heading back downstairs to wait for Stephen.

Only one way to find out.

#grandraconteur #Ironstrange #fic fill #Stephen Strange #iron man #tony stark #doctor strange #marvel #mcu

[angelicmemo]

Listen okay I need to talk through some shit that has scarred me emotionally so like I’m sorry but I need to let this out somewhere.

Okay so Number One- internalised homophobia

now I didn’t used to consider this a big issue for me and on the romantic side it still like I love girls I know I love girls I accept I love girls and I honestly love that I love girls however more and more over the past few years I have been feeling ashamed for being Sexually attracted to women. Romantically I’m fine but when it comes to the Sexual part of sexuality it’s something I want but hate that I want. Like being sexual is something I’m not allowed which is dirty and shameful and I know that that’s wrong and I would never apply that standard to anyone else but within me any sexual attraction towards women I just push down and refuse to agknowledge out of fear of coming across as predatory meaning I instead come across as naïve or ‘innocent’ and I am treated by others as a joke or as not a real lesbian. This is even the case around other lesbians I know irl- because I’m not comfortable enough to express my sexual attraction to women out of fear and shame other lesbians treat me like a child and as if those feelings don’t exist. Like newsflash fuckers I love women they’re soft and sweet and smell nice.

See? See what I did there? None of the comments that were made about me loving women in a sexual manner were actually sexual like that is how big of a barrier has been put between me and expressing my Sexual love for women (like I said no issue with the soppy romantic stuff akdbdkfbfkg)- I see other lesbians talking about how hot and sexy girls are and all the sexual things that are beautiful and normal and natural that I relate to so much and want but I can’t bring myself to recognise that because I’m too ashamed of it. Like this is getting super personal and kinda tmi but I don’t even masturbate naked I keep my clothes on because it feels as if if my clothes are on then it’s something that I’ll never have to physically agknowledge.

I believe a lot of this shame was inherent within my growing up in a single parent household- my mum wasn’t getting any and was super uncomfortable around sex and the notion that it could be something anyone would want (i highkey think she’s asexual and just doesn’t know the terminology or that how she feels is not how everyone else feels but that’s a conversation for another day). So that means that I grew up being the naïve innocent person I am still assumed to be and letting go of that once I figured out my own sexuality and sexual desires is something I’m still not done with- like I’m out to my Mum but I tried calling a girl hot once and she was there and she just looked at me and was like ‘that’s disgusting why would you think that’ ‘because I’m a lesbian??’ ‘Well that’s fine but don’t think that’ like dude do you not know how being a lesbian works??? Sorry sorry a little off topic I know but still relevant to me as hello slut shaming the second I even vaguely agknowledge being attracted to girls.

To make matters even more complicated there was a girl and she was the first girl I ever truely fell in love with and she was the first girl I felt sexually towards and at first that was fine!! Great!! Especially because at that time I was still closeted to my mum and therefore she hadn’t addressed sexuality with me at this point. However the girl was someone who was extremely uncomfortable with physical contact which is all well and good but the way she went about it made it seem to my anxiety ridden depressed brain that it was me that was the problem. It wasn’t that she hated the touch of anyone it was that she didn’t want me sitting too close to her or doing her makeup or holding her hand like it was specifically the fact that it was me putting her off (untrue but what my brain was telling me) leading me to affirm that I was disgusting (as my mental illnesses had already told me) but this time in manner relating to my sexuality therefore associating that feeling of shame and wrongfulness for wanting to be close to and touch or have any form of physical contact with other girls with hate and shame and me making people uncomfortable.

I honestly think that if I had had someone, like just one person in my life, who would let me touch them even in explicitly nonsexual ways then I wouldn’t feel this shame I do or have my intense fear of being seen as predatory causing me countless panic attacks over the tiniest of things like my knee accidently brushing against someone whilst I’m sitting down or accidently touching a girls hand when picking something up.

I am 17 years old and I still haven’t been kissed- the last time I was in physical contact with a girl who wasn’t my mother was over a year ago despite the fact that physical contact of any form is something I crave. I see other lesbians I know being all happy and snuggly and together and at the same time being able to embrace the sexuality of their relationship (seriously so many strap on jokes I like died) and am just hit with this wave of want like I want that life so badly but not only do I feel as if I don’t deserve it and that no one would ever want to be near me or touch me but that by wanting this I am being inherently predatory.

It’s not so bad over the internet- the one relationship I’ve had has been extremely long distance so like I didn’t have to worry about accidently knocking into her or accidently touching her in a way she wouldn’t want - it was so much easier to feel validated in my own lesbianism and my relationship if I didn’t have this massive cloud of anxiety surrounding unwanted physical contact hovering over my heart at all times but it was also lonely. I need to be touched and held I need physical contact but at the same time I’m terrified of it on behalf of the other person.

I’m fine around boys though. I have friends who are boys who I snuggle up to or hug or hold their hands to drag them places and I don’t feel that shame because there isn’t that inherent feeling of I’m doing this because I’m Gay and they DONT want it even when that isn’t the case. I have friends who are girls who I’m not attracted to in the slightest but I’m still scared to touch in case this is the reaction I get of disgust. With guys I’m not attracted to any of them so it’s so much easier to be openly affectionate because both they and I know it is and always will be purely platonic- I think that’s the same reason there are so many boys on my blog like I’m not attracted to them and have no capacity to be attracted to them so I can just love them in peace without this feeling of I’m Wrong pooling in my stomach

At this point I don’t even know if this is making sense but TLDR I just want to be able to be around girls without being terrified in case I accidentally touch them and they/I believe me to be predatory because of it even if there is no sexuality behind the actions.

Also my first Love fucked me up big time mentally possibly causing repercussions that could last a lifetime.

#tw #tw homophobia #tw internalised homophobia #tw bad relationships #im sorry please message me if im tagging this wrong i needed to vent but i also want everyone to be safe

[chalitempha]

OC/Kai fanfic Closure

                  Here I am sitting in front of my laptop. My room is a little colder than normal, maybe it's just me. I crushed my phone and locked my door. Now is the time to stop runnig away from my past. I'm a little tipsy but my mind is clear enougth to see my keyboard and the word page on my screen. I need to learn from my memories, from all the wrong and good choices I made, what it could have been and what it was. I'll write everything in a vain attempt to keep these memories forever and I don't want to forget... I'm afraid to do the same error as in the past. I stared at my wrists, the little scars fading across the pale skin, then at my fingers, they looked weird from all the nail bitting, an habbit I picked up from him, it's weird thinking I'm tiping my story starting from so far back .

Bakc then, I was still weirded out by all the new things going on all around me. It had been weeks since we started high school, and I was always alone, you know not popular and lonely. I didn't even try to get along with the poeple in my classes but well it's hard to fit in when all the groups are already made even more so when you're like me, I kinda through they would come talk to me you know? I'm shy... Whatever, I quit my old middle school for this high school where was my older brother and since I missed some of the first days (because I’m dumb and thought it was a few days later), it was too late to make friends. Well it's true I didn't like being this way but it was still better than being bullied, perhaps I was blessed to be ignored at first. Well I didn't stay alone too long since about three weeks later I was suddently inside a group, some "bad influence" they would say but they really weren't. Just a bunch of depressed teens burrying their issues under alcool, weed and cigarettes; it's really something you see everywere around here. Of course I had never seen people like that before but it was just because all my life untill then, I was in a private catholic establishment, and it really does explain everything.

Did I say I admired my brother? Junmyeon-hyung had always been my role model,he's much more out going and handsome than me! I'm so lucky to have such a brother who accepted me for who I was. I'm bisexual and I've known that since middle schools days, you know my mother was really open minded and very supportive of me; she even tried to talk to my father for me. But he didn't want a daugther like that and I never really got to talk with him and ever since we had some big arguments about it, the type where hurtful words are trown in every directions ending with us being a eatch other throats. My brother was the one who aways stoped us. I'm kinda weak but I'd never say it out loud. I couldn't help but be jealous of my brother when they went out, jealous of the perfect father-son relationship they had. But I would never hate my father or my brother. I hope one day my father will accept me and for now my mother and brother are enough.

It was at our third classe of biologie when he first talked to me, the teacher had warned us to take our blouse for today. Looking down a the sprailed corps of some sort of frog waiting to be cut. I took a thin blade and started poking it inside the flesh of the little animal's stomach. I didn't even know what I was doing and the boy rigth next to me started laughing... I was then startled by the one behind me when he lightly tapped my shoulder. It may have been the first human contact (other than family) I had in weeks to be honest . He was a little short but still  taller than me and he smelled like he had just smoked even through his face screamed innocence. Then, as if I didn't have a tiny embarassing heart attack, he explained me the 'how to' do what the teacher asked without having to make the frog into the mess I wasn't aware I caused. He finished with a smirk on his face making him looking a tad arrogant... Way to make someone feel stupid...

"If you're so good you should be surgeon, must be funny cuting open people as a job." I said to him half serious half joking. Then I may have sent him a death glare because, well, he annoyed me. My pride kicked in every so often making me very hard to talk to. Must be why I didn't have friends. Then again, I'm probably asociable by nature.

"Wow, you really sounded like a psyco you know?" then he bursted laughing. He was a funny felow. I was mildly surprised at the outburst and my eyes probably went wide making him laugth even more. His laughter was infectuous, so obviously, I followed his example and laugthed with him. We made small talks over the dead frog between us untill the end of the class.

He was called Kai, well that's what he told me, in reality his name was Jongin but he think Kai is cooler. It's the type of guy you don't see everywhere. You meet someone like him only once in a lifetime then you do your best to never forget. He looked like the average popular kid at first sight, really, you wouldn't know his mind is like a fucking death trap or a maze at best if you only saw his cute perfect face... and he's more of a nerd than a popular kid really.

After biologie he presented me to his friend Yifan, a tall guy ,a really tall guy well if that count as presenting when you scream I JUST MET THIS GIRL AND SHE'S A PSYCOPATH COME HERE in a corridor between two classes... Only then he remembered that of course he hadn't asked my name... Or maybe he did remember but  just didn't care?

Kay surprisingly took interest in me in an experimental way. I just went with it. What could possibly go wrong ? haha. Soon we started to get closer and he pushed me inside his group of friends he already knew from middle school. In the circle there was Yifan and Baekyun alias the tall and the smart one ( I just found him anoying, he's a little bit of a smartass) they were also in our class wich made me happy, then there was 'Xiumin' everyone called him that, so much that I forgot his real name,after him came Yixing, Luhan, and 'Channie' his name was Chanyeol but it was fun calling him Channie so we settled for that name and to be true to myself I found him really attractive. The problem was that this group was only composed by guys. With me being the only girl in there... I went thourgh hell in my last town, every days people would give me dirty looks, call me by harsh words behind my back, trow things at me and mostly ignore my existence hence the reason why I had to change high school. It hurt to be judged by hyppocrite and it was still okay. But since here no one knows, it can't be helped and I wouldn't be held responsible for hidding that tiny detail.

I didn't have any idea how long I could keep the lie going but I was willing to do so for has long as I could. But of course life is a bitch. I was starting to fall for Channie, he was straight and was already in a long distance relationship with some  2 years older girl so I knew he was out of reach and maybe, just maybe that's why I fell for him. Maybe I believed it could stay something innocent and I through I knew how to controle myself... Back then I was rather naive I never really loved anyone just tiny crush here and there. It was like I lived in a cocoon all these years, I mean I had never smoked, drank or skiped classes voluntarily and I didn't go out since I didn't have friends, in short my world wasn't much more than my familly, the classes and the bullying. But I mastered the skill of fake smiles and hadn't cried ever since my only friend Tito (my hamster) died by the start of middle school.

So shocked is a weak word to define how I felt when I first came to this new high school. Everyone was smoking and I could tell it wasn't just cigarettes. Everyone were in front of the gates making little groups, blocking the way and puffing on their stick of cancer. And I can't even describe how I felt when I spotted my own brother smoking within one of those small groups!  He told me it was okay that he didn't smoke that mutch and to keep it secret from our parents. I did just that but not without a long sermon about the bad side of smoking and the risks. After a few months I came to an understanding, here smoking meant having a social life. Even the one who didn't smoke carried a lighter just to lit others peoples cigarettes. Smoking became the norm since they were way fewer people who didn't than people who did. I started smoking weed but only during parties and when Kai wasn't watching, he didn't want me to smoke.

Kai seemed to think I didn't know shit about the world and that I was the happiest person alive. I couldn't have denied that I was enjoying the time we spend together because It became the happiest time of my life. He made me think I wouldn't be able to live without him. But did he want to make me feel that way ? I still wonder, maybe it was just me who needed him all along. That wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, everything he and his friends did made me more and more atracted, but the way they smoked all the time was making me worried over their health, they used to hug me to make me shut up. I swear to god they smoked at least two packs a day. But the way he was with me was different from how he was with his friends, he made me feel like I was so special, so much more important to him. He made me believe I was the only one he could trust.

I would always tell him to stop smoking and that it was bad for his health and I guess we did argue a lot about that. He never listened to me, told me it wasn't my buisness, that I should mind my own and leave him the fuck alone. After four months I stopped nagging him. I knew why he was wasting his life away. He told me. Even if I couln'd understand, even if it didn't make sense to me. He trusted me. Only me.

Because he was broken. He was a sad depressed fuck ruined by his mind and his family. Every week he went to see a psychologue and went to the tribunal. His father his a fucker who left his mother after cheating on her, leaving her with him, his little brother, 5 years younger with autism; and no money to help. But fuck it. His mother broke down. She's a druggie who won't even give two flying fuck about her sons. Of course he's too young to be alowed to do anything. But the thing is that he doesn't fucking care. He tried to kill his father and threatened him with a knife which is why he goes to the tribunal every week, which is why keep bitting his fingers untill they bleed, which is why he smoke untill his lungs burn and his troath is raw screaming at him, making him forget about the world for just a little while. And that's why I don't tell him to stop anymore. Even through it hurt me to see him wither away. Because I can't do anything. If only I knew how to save Kai, if only.

I was happy, happy to know him, happy but so, oh so scared to lose it all... Once he said to me "What esle is there to do but to enjoy what we have now?" It was like he already knew how everything was going to end and he couldn't have been more right. Nothing last forever I knew but still hoped for more. And I shouldn't have because all I did was mistakes.

The last thing he told me was "I knew it wouldn't last. But this was faster than expected."

He died too soon and he killed me in the process.

I still don't what could have been done, where was the mistakes. No mather how much I search for it, nothing.

Maybe it's time for me to understand there are some things you can't do anything about. It wasn't my fault.

Everyday like a mantra I keep telling myself it wasn't my fault.

#kim jongin #fanfic #exo fanfiction #kim kai #exo angst #angst