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philosophicalparadox · 5 months

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Well I did something

Update! We are at chapter 14 going on 15 now. This is going to be So Much Longer than I thought. Bout to start phase 2 of the KakaIru relationship, dip into the NaruSaku and then spam like three chapters of KisaIta cause I have way more scenes for those two lol

Check it out if you’re into it. Takes place somewhere in the middle of Shippuden, after the Itachi Retrieval arc but in an alternate universe in which Hidan and Kakuzu don’t die (nor does Asuma) and Deidara doesn’t fight Sasuke, though Kisame eventually does. I’ll work out the kinks later (haha punny punny)

Very Naruto-fandom Summary updated:

For Shinobi, Love is tantamount to Sin. There are good reasons for that.

For each Shinobi harbors Scars, and hides Secrets. Scars that twist them; Secrets that scar them. Sometimes love can heal. Sometimes it can hurt. And sometimes it’s just inevitable.

A tale focusing on a few sets of Lovers whose stories drift together, and as they collide like galaxies, they create new, otherwise implausible worlds along the way.

Or, a tale in which Itachi doesn't quite get his way, and Sasuke has no choice but to return home to find his brother, with some...unexpected, company of his own; Kakashi becomes a savior and surrogate lover as well as a real one, and Kisame is hopelessly doomed by the narrative because love makes you do stupid things. Selfless, honest, terrible, very stupid things.

*smut officially begins in ch. 9* *Sasuke’s arc starts ch. 12* SLOW BURN with disjointed character chapters/arcs at the beginning. This will resolve as the arcs collide.

PAIRINGS: Kakashi/Iruka and Kisame/Itachi main, in that order more or less. Eventual Kakashi/Itachi and maaaaybe a three way. Maybe.

Others include Sasuke/Suigetsu (which isn’t exactly serious) and Sasuke/Karin (with consequences) cause we are goin with the repressed hyper sexual teenager trope again, Naruto/Sakura (no! Not like that! Don’t compare me to the incels that write that crap) and eventually a Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura polycule. They’re rare! And honestly I Love writing Sakura way more than I thought I would. Exploring the Naruto verse from Kunoichi perspective is Fun! (If a bit depressing)

Loads of BDSM stuff particularly where Sasuke and Kakashi are concerned. Are you surprised? lol.

Genre: Hurt/comfort (much ow. Lots of angst. Plenty of bittersweet.) some Whump-ish moments, especially in the Awkward Caretaker trope. no horror elements (gasp! No horror from me? Unheard of!) but some medical stuff that’s pretty accurate but not very gory. I tried to curb my itch to make it bloody but if you’ve read my stuff or been around on my blog you’ll know that’s hard.

WARNING: Explicit Rating Justified. A Dead Dove: Do Not Eat (pfffft like I write anything else) Some vague but critically important scenes of SA. Deals with heavy PTSD issues, SA recovery, and Cancer, because Itachi is Dying and I needed something more survivable than the alternatives. Some medical ickiness and Ew moments but nothing too graphic. (Eh…for me, that is. Take it with a pinch of salt.) among these are mentions of morphine use in hospice, euthanasia, The Death Rattle, vomiting, migraines, aforementioned cancer, and Awkward Caretaker moments.

There’s also some um…social commentary? About the Japanese-flavored society these characters live in embedded into the story, things like social homophobia and sexism that are similarly Japanese-flavored and kinda historically accurate. (Plus like, Kishimoto man. He built that crap into the manga and it feels weird not to notice it?)

Itachi LIVES but so does Sasuke. They do eventually make nice…The Hard Way. (Undecided how I’m handling their relationship. Might decideto go for a Brother Complex Sasuke. Right now the fic is writing itself and I’m just letting it. Will update if that happens.)

Also I know way too many things about sharks so my Kisame HC’s are working through lol Sharks Make Sounds and You Can’t Stop Me.

#Naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto fanfiction #OfSinsScarsAndSecrets #my fanfics #I need to write this right now #bc I’m having PTSD problems myself #and my therapist said so lol

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paenling · 3 years

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no ones saying you cant enjoy daniil? people like him as a character but mostly Because he’s an asshole and he’s interesting. the racism and themes of colonization in patho are so blatant

nobody said “by order of Law you are forbidden from enjoying daniil dankovsky in any capacity”, but they did say “if you like daniil dankovsky you are abnormal, problematic, and you should be ashamed of yourself”, so i’d call that an implicit discouragement at the least. not very kind.

regardless, he is a very interesting asshole and we love to make fun of him! but i do not plan to stop seeing his character in an empathetic light when appropriate to do so. we’re all terribly human.

regarding “the racism and themes of colonization in patho”, we’ve gotta have a sit-down for this one because it’s long and difficult. tl;dr here.

i’ve written myself all back and forth and in every direction trying to properly pin down the way i feel about this in a way that is both logically coherent and emotionally honest, but it’s not really working. i debated even responding at all, but i do feel like there are some things worth saying so i’m just going to write a bunch of words, pick a god, and pray it makes some modicum of sense.

the short version: pathologic 2 is a flawed masterwork which i love deeply, but its attempts to be esoteric and challenging have in some ways backfired when it comes to topical discussions such as those surrounding race, which the first game didn’t give its due diligence, and the second game attempted with incomplete success despite its best efforts.

the issue is that when you have a game that is so niche and has these “elevated themes” and draws from all this kind of academic highbrow source material -- the fandom is small, but the fandom consists of people who want to analyze, pathologize, and dissect things as much as possible. so let’s do that.

first: what exactly is racist or colonialist in pathologic? i’m legitimately asking. people at home: by what mechanism does pathologic-the-game inflict racist harm on real people? the fact that the Kin are aesthetically and linguistically inspired by the real-world Buryat people (& adjacent groups) is a potential red flag, but as far as i can tell there’s never any value judgement made about either the fictionalized Kin or the real-world Buryat. the fictional culture is esoteric to the player -- intended to be that way, in fact -- but that’s not an inherently bad thing. it’s a closed practice and they’re minding their business.

does it run the risk of being insensitive with sufficiently aggressive readings? absolutely, but i don’t think that’s racist by itself. they’re just portrayed as a society of human beings (and some magical ones, if you like) that has flaws and incongruences just as the Town does. it’s not idealizing or infantilizing these people, but by no means does it go out of its way to villainize them either. there is no malice in this depiction of the Kin.

is it the fact that characters within both pathologic 1 & 2 are racist? that the player can choose to say racist things when inhabiting those characters? no, because pathologic-the-game doesn’t endorse those things. they’re throwaway characterization lines for assholes. acknowledging that racism exists does not make a media racist. see more here.

however, i find it’s very important to take a moment and divorce the racial discussions in a game like pathologic 2 from the very specific experiences of irl western (particularly american) racism. it’s understandable for such a large chunk of the english-speaking audience to read it that way; it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s correct. although it acknowledges the relevant history to some extent, on account of being set in 1915, pathologic 2 is not intended to be a commentary about race, and especially not current events, and especially especially not current events in america. it’s therefore unfair, in my opinion, to attempt to diagnose it with any concrete ideology or apply its messages to an american racial paradigm.

it definitely still deals with race, but it always, to me, seemed to come back around the exploitation of race as an ultimately arbitrary division of human beings, and the story always strove to be about human beings far more than it was ever about race. does it approach this topic perfectly? no, but it’s clearly making an effort. should we be aware of where it fails to do right by the topic? yes, definitely, but we should also be charitable in our interpretations of what the writers were actually aiming for, rather than reactionarily deeming them unacceptable and leaving it at that. do we really think the writers for pathologic 2 sat down and said “we’re going to go out of our way to be horrible racists today”? i don’t.

IPL’s writing team is a talented lot, and dybowski as lead writer has the kinds of big ideas that elevate a game to a work of art, particularly because he’s not afraid to get personal. on that front, some discussion is inescapable as pathologic 2 deals in a lot of racial and cultural strife, because it’s clearly something near to the his heart, but as i understand it was never really meant to be a narrative “about” race, at least not exclusively so, and especially not in the same sense as the issue is understood by the average American gamer. society isn't a monolith and the contexts are gonna change massively between different cultures who have had, historically, much different relationships with these concepts.

these themes are “so blatant” in pathologic 2 because clearly, on some level, IPL wanted to start a discussion. I think it’s obvious that they wanted to make the audience uncomfortable with the choices they were faced with and the characters they had to inhabit -- invoke a little ostranenie, as it were, and force an emotional breaking point. in the end the game started a conversation and i think that’s something that was done in earnest, despite its moments of obvious clumsiness.

regarding colonialism, this is another thing that the game is just Not About. we see the effects and consequences of colonialism demonstrated in the world of pathologic, and it’s something we’re certainly asked to think about from time to time, but the actual plot/narrative of the game is not about overcoming or confronting explicitly colonialist constructs, etc. i personally regard this as a bit of a missed opportunity, but it’s just not what IPL was going for.

instead they have a huge focus, as discussed somewhat in response to this ask, on the broader idea of powerful people trying to create a “utopia” at the mortal cost of those they disempower, which is almost always topical as far as i’m concerned, and also very Russian.

i think there was some interview where it was said that the second game was much more about “a mechanism that transforms human nature” than the costs of utopia, but it’s still a persistent enough theme to be worth talking about both as an abstraction of colonialism as well as in its more-likely intended context through the lens of wealth inequality, environmental destruction & government corruption as universal human issues faced by the marginalized classes. i think both are important and intelligent readings of the text, and both are worth discussion.

both endings of pathologic 2 involve sacrifice in the name of an “ideal world” where it’s impossible to ever be fully satisfied. in the Diurnal Ending, Artemy is tormented over the fate of the Kin and the euthanasia of his dying god and all her miracles, but he needs to have faith that the children he’s protected will grow up better than their parents and create a world where he and his culture will be immortalized in love. in the Nocturnal Ending, he’s horrified because in preserving the miracle-bound legacy of his people as a collective, he’s un-personed himself to the individuals he loves, but he needs to have faith that the uniqueness and magic of the resurrected Earth was precious enough to be worth that sacrifice. neither ending is fair. it’s not fair that he can’t have both, but that’s the idea. because that “utopia” everyone’s been chasing is an idol that distracts from the important work of being a human being and doing your best in a flawed world.

because pathologic’s themes as a series are so very “Russian turn-of-the-century” and draw a ton of stylistic and topical inspiration from the theatre and literature of that era, i don’t doubt that it’s also inherited some of its inspirational literature’s missteps. however, because the game’s intertextuality is so incredibly dense it’s difficult to construct a super cohesive picture of its actual messaging. a lot of its references and themes will absolutely go over your head if you enter unprepared -- this was true for me, and it ended up taking several passes and a bunch of research to even begin appreciating the breadth of its influences.

(i’d argue this is ultimately a good thing; i would never have gone and picked up Camus or Strugatsky, or even known who Antonin Artaud was at all if i hadn’t gone in with pathologic! my understanding is still woefully incomplete and it’s probably going to take me a lot more effort to get properly fluent in the ideology of the story, but that’s the joy of it, i think. :) i’m very lucky to be able to pursue it in this way.)

anyway yes, pathologic 2 is definitely very flawed in a lot of places, particularly when it tries to tackle race, but i’m happy to see it for better and for worse. the game attempts to discuss several adjacent issues and stumbles as it does so, but insinuating it to be in some way “pro-racist” or “pro-colonialist” or whatever else feels kind of disingenuous to me. they’re clearly trying, however imperfectly, to do something intriguing and meaningful and empathetic with their story.

even all this will probably amount to a very disjointed and incomplete explanation of how pathologic & its messaging makes me feel, but what i want -- as a broader approach, not just for pathologic -- is for people to be willing to interpret things charitably.

sometimes things are made just to be cruel, and those things should be condemned, but not everything is like that. it’s not only possible but necessary to be able to acknowledge flaws or mistakes and still be kind. persecuting something straight away removes any opportunity to examine it and learn from it, and pathologic happens to be ripe with learning experiences.

it’s all about being okay with ugliness, working through difficult nuances with grace, and the strength of the human spirit, and it’s a story about love first and foremost, and i guess we sort of need that right now. it gave me some of its love, so i’m giving it some of my patience.

#meta #discourse #long post #ipl #writing #Anonymous #slight edit for colonialism #untitled plague game #pathologic

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chibifuyuu · 3 years

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Levi vs. Zeke & Why Isayama Focused on that Conflict Analysis

Wanted to talk about "The Promise" (aka Levi's vow to take down Zeke) because a) I see it critiqued a lot as a narrative choice for Levi post-time skip, b) I don't think it's well understood as a narrative choice or even what it means in canon by the fandom, and c) I haven't seen people analyze it and thought why not me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So why did Isayama have Levi focus so much on the promise, and by extension Zeke, post-time skip?

1. Levi and Zeke are set up as narrative foils

This is established super early and is pretty evident even before we know much of anything about Zeke. In his introduction in the "Captain Levi" side chapter, Levi's character basics are quickly established, and one of the very first things we learn about him is how much he values the lives of his comrades and wants to make their sacrifices/deaths meaningful, regardless of any personal connection he has or doesn't have with them. We also see Levi very concerned about the Trost citizens starving in the Uprising arc, which leads Dimo Reeves to say in a pretty on-the-nose dialogue that Levi is "awkward yet kind" and trying to save Trost even though he "doesn't really have to".

By contrast, something hammered home to us very quickly is that Zeke is relatively indifferent to lives lost in his quest to achieve his goal, the euthanasia plan. That isn't to say that he's completely devoid of empathy so much as he views the lives lost as inconsequential or necessary and doesn't dwell on them because he doesn't even really understand the value of life- "I saved them, the lives of those children from this cruel world" is what he says to Levi about turning his squad into titans. There's also moments like when Colt begs Zeke to hold off on screaming so that Falco could be spared, Zeke acknowledges that pain, understands it, and then screams anyway.

We get a panel post-time skip to quickly establish that contrast right away:

This indifference is actually what drives a lot of conflict between Levi and Zeke- Levi makes it clear he doesn't trust Zeke partially because as he says to him, even if he is unsure if Zeke wants to help Paradis, he can tell that Zeke doesn't really care about Ragnako village (and keeps bringing it up because he can tell "[Zeke] doesn't have a speck of guilt... those people's lives meant nothing to [Zeke]"), that he doesn't respond to the idea that his grandparents may die, etc. Levi also responds violently to the idea that Zeke "saved" his squad by killing them. The euthanasia plan is something that is so opposed to Levi's values that these two were always going to be in conflict- it's almost like Zeke's goal is the exact opposite of what Levi fights for.

This is kind of important for the overall themes and story for a couple reasons like:

Zeke's character arc is partially developing an appreciation for life's purpose beyond procreating and the small moments of connection and joy that make up the human experience, as evident by his conversation with Armin and actions in 137; the contrast and callouts by Levi help establish early on this inability to appreciate the inherent value of life before we even know Zeke's end goal

Indifference towards loss of life as long as it fits your personal goals is kinda contrary to what the story wants to tell you via the Rumbling and protecting lives that have no value to you is treated as a narratively good thing

There's also the fact that both of them have parental/fraternal relationships with Eren. They're both protective of Eren and give him advice; Eren also in turn has sought their knowledge as they are more experienced than him in certain areas (Levi as the Survey Corps vet, Zeke as the one most knowledgeable about titan/Ackerman history), so it's a mentorship relationship, too. Eren also takes their advice and knowledge in ways that I'm pretty sure neither intended (like I doubt Levi was thrilled that him encouraging Eren to make his own decisions turned out this way...)

There's also a contrast there- Levi calls Eren a "monster" who won't let anyone stop him from doing what he wants to do early into their relationship (correctly identifying who Eren is at his core) whereas Zeke sees Eren as a victim that Zeke needs to save for a really long time (which is how Zeke ends up so easily manipulated by Eren despite being so intelligent).

2. Levi / Zeke parallel Mikasa / Eren

While the relationships are very different, Levi/Zeke and Mikasa/Eren actually do parallel each other- there's a kind of Ackerman vs. Yaeger contrast set up. Despite the different relationships, they both end very similarly: Mikasa and Levi behead Eren and Zeke respectively in something of a partially wanted mercy kill that is necessary to better the world (stop the Rumbling, end the titan curse). There are even more parallels there, like how both Ackermans experience a moment of understanding of the respective Yeager before killing them, how both of them had recently had a moment where they were thinking- for different reasons- that they couldn't kill the Yeager brother and then ended up doing so, etc., but the point is the moments appear back-to-back (137 and 138) and are treated as pretty narratively similar.

There's a lot of reasons we could speculate as to why Isayama did this- I don't think it's an Ackermans are amazing, Yeagers suck message for the record- one of them could be as simple as illustrating the similarities of the Ackermans vs. Yeagers by generation

Or it could even be because Mikasa as a character reflects Levi in many ways and her character arc is partially illustrated by her evolving opinion of Levi. She begins as someone with no appreciation for authority and prioritizing her own people/interests (usually Eren) over the greater good/mission, which is illustrated by her respect, or lack thereof, of Levi. She lashes out at him, ignores his orders and then gets saved by Levi in the Female Titan arc, then in Uprising she doesn't want to at first and can't help but be snarky about it but she shows how she's able to see a bigger picture and respect Levi's leadership by defending it to Jean, Connie, and Sasha and allowing Levi to gamble Eren to make his deal with Reeves, and by the time of the Rumbling, when Levi tells her they can't be concerned about Eren's safety, she doesn't lash out and while upset, doesn't even argue.

It's not really a surprise that Mikasa is the one shown comforting/checking in on Levi right after he kills Zeke and Levi is the one spurring Mikasa on, saying "there the only ones left who can kill Eren" before she finds her resolve to do so (and also literally clears the way via thunderspear so Mikasa can kill Eren).

3. Levi's narrative purpose- or what even is the point of Levi post-explosion?

I've seen like ten thousand posts or comments saying something to the extent of "Levi should've died in the explosion, he has no point afterwards". I completely disagree, but beyond how dumb of a death that'd be for a character that's the most featured (most "screen time"/panel time) after EMA pre-time skip and EMA+Reiner post-time skip and story contributions that Levi brings (like leadership and direction for the Alliance with Hange dead after Armin is taken), Levi as a character embodies certain important themes/narrative messages for the story. Several of them are illustrated through his conflict with and contrast to Zeke.

His desire to protect people and preserve life even if they are strangers, or even in conflict with him, is highlighted through his juxtaposition to Zeke as discussed above

"Your deaths had meaning, at last I can prove it."

The big thing about the promise is that Levi wants to make the deaths, all of the sacrifices (Erwin but also all of the recruits that charged to their deaths), mean something. All of them sacrificed themselves to give Levi the chance to take down Zeke and Levi is tortured with guilt that he didn't finish the job because he views it as making their sacrifices meaningless. The promise serves to remind the reader that Levi cares so much about giving meaning to the fallen Survey Corps members' lives.

In his intro, Levi says to the Survey Corps rando that his death isn't worthless and it's not the end of his contributions to humanity because Levi will take up his resolve, that his death will inspire Levi, and Levi promises to end the titan threat with that resolve. One could argue that the promise is to remind us why Levi does what he does, what's driving him, the pressure of living with the need to make every sacrifice worth it- and in turn how Levi views/viewed ending the titan threat, a "world without titans", as the ultimate way to prove the sacrifices of the Survey Corps had meaning and his fallen comrades' lives weren't wasted. That's important because of Levi's ending, after the titans leave the world partially because of his efforts and him having seen through that mission until the end and getting a sendoff to the fallen Survey Corps members.

His focus on the next generation

A big theme of AoT is about protecting the next generation, and all of the OG Survey Corps believed this- we see many vets die to ensure recruits survive- but we see it articulated through Levi a lot. He seems to have a soft spot for children in general (getting concerned over the starving mother and baby in Trost, supporting Historia's orphanage plan, saving Ramzi after he pickpockets him, etc.), but he is also shown thinking about "getting the brats to the sea" as the purpose of the OG Survey Corps in 136, aka serving the dreams of the future/next generation- that's part of an internal monologue that begins with Levi focusing on Zeke and the promise.

The euthanasia plan is sharply at odds with Levi's "get the brats to the sea"/next gen protection mentality given it prevents a next generation of Elidians.

The contrast of Falbi and Zeke vs. Falbi and Levi. Zeke callously calls Falbi "miscalculations" in front of them- and Levi- not long after Levi meets Falbi for the first time, Levi spends the end of the Rumbling arc with Falbi after they arrive and they're the only two with him when Zeke calls out to Levi to end his life, Levi and Zeke actually discuss Falbi in the forest, etc. There's a weird sort of arc here since Falbi admired Zeke and felt betrayed by him (and he was indifferent to them when he screamed and knowingly turned Falco into a titan, killing Colt in the process, while Gabi desperately screams for Falco) while Falbi see Levi for the first time in the terrifying staged takedown of the Beast Titan and then end up spending more time in the end of the Rumbling arc fight with Levi than anyone else and Levi's last panel has him depicted as being with them, kind of like a reversal.

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toneelspeelster · 3 years

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I just finished A Little Life yesterday and saw you reblogged some quotes. Wondering what you thought about it because that book destroyed me in the best way possible like is it wrong that the ending and how it turned out was kinda cathartic? Like I was like “at last” but not in a mean way? It was like inevitable and it wasn’t a question of if? But when? And how? Parts did shatter my heart though (like what happens right after the Happy Years) it’s probably my fave book now. Anyway yeah, love to hear your thoughts

oh anon, am i super fascinated by a little life and this question! as you do, i find it a deeply cathartic experience to read this novel. just the sheer emotion and language in this novel makes it my favourite novel i’ve read so far, but i do understand why other people might not feel the same. you do have to go into this story with a few sidenotes i feel like, just a few bits that might make the experience different for you. which is to say - hanya yanagihara never meant for the novel to be a realistic novel; it is, to her, a naturalistic commentary on the (american) fairytale, a dark fairytale, a fairytale in which instead of it getting ~better~ it doesn’t in the general sense. but it never means to be grimdark; this GREAT post on the difference between grimdark and cathartic really explains a lot of the intentions behind a little life to me. yanagihara wants to be doing something with her audience. she employs a sort of stream-of-consciousness narrative to let us fall deep into jude’s story, lures us in and then lets us sit in the story of a man who deals w unspeakable (childhood and sexual) trauma. jude’s relationship with love is so utterly complicated and the achronological storytelling lets us see and realise why it’s so complicated and that, to me, makes me empathise on a very deep level w him. bit by bit we get to peel another layer of who he is.

if yanagihara truly meant for this story to be grimdark, she could have not included the moments of terrifying happiness, of jude getting the parents he never had before, of him getting a home, of him getting friends his age, of him being loved by his dearest and oldest friend willem. the narrative lets jude doubt and doubt and doubt and hurt himself but lets him feel utter happiness as well, makes him recover, makes him talk, makes him go through better times. but always very naturalistically - jude and willem’s relationship wasn’t perfect at all and willem did some pretty bad things in order to in his mind save jude, jb had mental health issues himself and lashes out in a drug-fueled moment, harold always playing inside his mind with caring for jude but also remembering his deceased son and the impact it has on his life and his relationship w jude (same w willem - there will always be a small voice in their minds saying this is ~do-over~ for whatever happened with their respective son and brother). like i said; this book deals with love in a lot of facets; how it can sometimes be both a healing and restrictive thing. but it’s important that both happened in jude’s life; he was allowed to feel both.

the moment he died at the end, after the last ~straw~ so to speak happened - it made me feel relief and sadness all at once. obviously suicide, and especially in the manner he did it, is traumatising in itself for the people left behind, and so were we, the reader, we were left behind. but at the same time, i keep remembering a controversial debate we have in the netherlands at this point in time - euthanasia for people with mental health issues. people who don’t want to commit suicide in the generally understood sense, but who want to have the choice, the permission, to go bc they’ve exhausted their other options, in a situation where their chosen family members get to be present and just see their loved one go to sleep and go. if that would’ve been an option for jude, i think that would be such an interesting conversation he would have with his loved ones. i think jude stayed as long as he reasonably could have. but this is a controversial debate in itself of course, not all psychiatrists are of the opinion that euthanasia should be an option for people with mental health issues, and only very rare cases are allowed to do so.

in any case, here’s my feeling on the matter of a little life in short terms: i think it’s so cathartic bc it makes us emphasize with a deeply traumatised, flawed human, who doesn’t necessarily have a happy ending, but it also says - this story matters, his story matters. jude’s story is still worth telling without him achieving the happy ending, he has inherent value in just existing.

and isn’t that just deeply emotionally cathartic to realise as a reader?

#a little life #really.. super thank you for the question!#had a lot of this on my mind for ages #but never had the opportunity #Anonymous

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hazard-and-friends · 3 years

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i watched the first episode of canine intervention tonight, here’s some uncensored liveblogging featuring my spicey dog training takes:

“my dog training system is known all over the world" mhmm. lemme google this guy.

by clicking through his in person training site to his online remote training course, i found a whole lot of big red flags: "Establish pack leadership" dogs don't have pack leaders. anyone who wants to make you a leader is not using a good understanding of dog behavior "Time your praise and corrections" the times when i use corrections are when i'm the least on my game. my goal is NEVER to use corrections/positive punishment. why should i? it's concerning that he uses it as a core part of his method. "Exercise and reinforce your leadership as a way of life" more leadership bullshit.

fancy letters are not the end-all-be-all, and there are trainers i seriously respect who have none of them. but they don't talk about leadership and corrections. it's concerning that he talks about his sports team as a kid, where he went to high school, and his celebrity clients, but not his mentors and education in training.

back to the show

why does his facility have enough dogs to keep them in kennels? how does that teach aggressive dogs how to be safe in a home environment?

not all of the dogs in the first shot of a class (~1:38) have two collars on but a lot do. that's not a red flag (i worked sydney in two collars [her flat collar and a martingale, because syd was very gear smart and it was nice to tell her that we were doing heeling now]) but with what i saw on his website? it's quite likely that one of those is the dog's normal flat collar with tags, and the other is a prong, choke chain, or electric collar

also: "I help the dogs that no one else will" is a flat out lie

if you're willing to take on any human aggression cases, generally you’re willing to take on all of them. now, some of these cases may generally lead to a recommendation of euthanasia. but that's in the best interests of the dog and owner

oop class shot where it's clear that they're wearing prongs

here's two points not about this guy specifically: 1) it is hard (impossible?) to do humane, ethical dog training in a 45 minute episode slot. it's not good tv. it's slow as hell. there's no drama. the aggression trainers i know? have never been bitten. many have never been CLOSE to being bitten. no tv value. 2) the positive dog training community is OVERWHELMINGLY white and middle class.

it's also full of racists.

"Nearly a million dogs are euthanized yearly and over 40% of them are pit bulls" i've calculated that first statistic myself, but it's important to put it in context: this is USA specific, and that's down from 3-4 million 20 years ago. the second one, i would love to see his source.

he's right that it's important to understand where aggression comes from

anyway back to those two points, at the same time that it's really, really hard to do compelling TV with ethical dog trainers, it's also really REALLY important that the positive dog training community be working on being anti-racist. and it's really, really important that low income dog owners and people of color are getting good dog training.

alright first case! he's had her 3 months, 3 bites in that time. 10 attempted attacks. she's a young adult bully breed mix who had one front leg amputated after being shot. owner walks her in a muzzle which is a) too small and b) not bite proof.

"I see what we're working with" he says, after approaching a dog in her crate. hazard responds similarly to someone coming in, but he's not a bite risk. that's not a good evaluation.

he is correct about lady macbeth's motivations: this is a dog who's scared as hell and making herself really big and scary so that everyone leaves her alone.

okay he's also right that playing with her around strangers is really, really good for fear aggression

"frenzied just chaotic state" yeah no

reality check for y'all: i am not an aggression specialist and i have seen more freaked out dogs

she was on edge! she was unhappy! but holy shit was she not even remotely close to what dogs are capable of

"she just bit me!" she nipped your cheek, not breaking skin. that's a level 1 or 2 (of 6). that's not NOTHING but it's well within normal for a dog who's being restrained when she wants to be somewhere else.

[note that at no point in the episode was the owner ever given any sort of indication that lady macbeth is not this horribly aggressive Pit Bull TM. nor was there any discussion of a bite scale.]

"The only option we're gonna have is to [board and train] for 3 weeks" "I have no choice but to take her back to my facility back in San Jose and work daily with her" no!!!!!

[15 minute break]

lmao sorry i had to go yell at gf about how much this board and train is not necessary and in the process penny decided to cause Drama again

ANYWAY, the b&t is not necessary because all of those aggressive incidents bar the first could have been avoided if the owner was on the ball. this is not JUST a lady macbeth issue, this is ALSO an owner issue. both of them need to relearn how to handle new people.

as a bonus, lady macbeth needs to learn to trust her owner, which she categorically cannot do in a b&t

"The box is an important training tool to teaching new behaviors. It's also a first step in establishing pack leadership" ok this is new to me

and new is not a good thing here

text: Obedience depends on a dog's trust and respect for their pack leader calculus depends on your trust and respect for your math teacher! if you respect them a lot you will magically be able to do calc!

I WAS HOPING. I WAS TRYING.

i was HOPING that his training for her fear aggression would be based in toy play.

instead he's got a fake arm and he keeps reaching out to poke her, and the owner says "no!" and does a leash pop (leash wrapped around her neck) every time she tries to bite.

"She doesn't know it's not his hand" it smells like plastic what would she THINK it is

also funky that we're 19 minutes into the episode about an aggressive bully breed mix and the trainer's childhood bully breed mix who killed a dog, and like. not a single mention of what these dogs were bred for.

let's go back to "how are you teaching aggressive dogs to live nicely in a home, if they are spending most of the day in a wire kennel"

for shits take, high school doesn't teach you how to handle your emotions! why should obedience class teach your dog the same?

and then like, every time she breaks the down he yells NOPE and leans over her??????

dude you're scaring her into being obedient. while you're talking about how it's important to treat her fear.

text: Fear based aggression can be reduced by desensitizing the dog to strangers you're right! it sure can! THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE

you've got a dog on her side with one hand over her, the other on a skinny check chain on her neck. every time she does anything but lay flat, the leash is popped and you say no. you are flooding this dog and creating learned helplessness.

jo summed it up well with this: he's good at seeing the behavior, he knows what he's looking at, he just can't change it. he only knows one method.

jo and i are now trying to figure out if "dog training but marie kondo not cesar milan" is a viable tv show

jas correctly stops the friend and changes how he approaches the dog, that's a good response

i'm laughing bc after a 3 week board and train which is not going to be less than $4k, he's giving the exact same "how to meet new people" directions that i would give to a similar client--at the start of our time! not at the end!

"I can't imagine imagine a dog having it too much worse than she did, the fact that she took a gunshot, the fact that she had no security for years of her life" alright dude a) think worse, this PALES to abuse cases b) let's not? shittalk? the care that people without reliable housing give to their dogs (and occasional cat!)?? because what they do for their pets is incredible, and it isn't necessarily connected to her opinions on strangers

so yeah still laughing bc like. that "happy ending" would be my first session with a client. that's how you START handling stranger danger. and for this the owner paid thousands.

#ethics in dog ownership #dog training #ask to tag

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twodogsoneguy · 4 years

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I went to bed around one am today. Athena woke me up again around two, vomiting. I called the vet hospital to ask them about it, and about when she’d had her last antiemetic. They said that her last shot had been Saturday (lol) after admission and that it was very normal for her to have vomited bc of how long it had been. She should’ve had another pill at three yesterday afternoon so twelve hours later it makes sense that she’d puke. Puking is a part of renal failure; I don’t know exactly why but it’s one of the things taken into consideration about when euthanasia will be the correct course of action. If the dog is vomiting frequently and cannot keep down fluids and food, quality of life has decreased enough that euthanasia is probably the correct choice, however if controlled with medications you can kinda wait.

I’m trying to wait until this weekend for her euthanasia, though I don’t know if I’ll be that lucky. My mother is having surgery tomorrow, and will be in the hospital until Friday. Athena has been such a blessing to her as well, and I would love for her to be able to share in her euthanasia, however both of us have agreed that Athena’s comfort and quality of life comes first and if she declines majorly before my mom can come home we will go ahead with the euth at the best possible time.

I guess I wanna take the time on this post and talk about at home euthanasia. There’s not always a service for this, though sometimes vets will travel to your home regardless of whether they participate in a service or not. At home euthanasia is more difficult during the pandemic, though my local service is still providing this option.

There are several benefits to at home euths. First, your pet will be in a place that they are already comfortable with, and you can usually pick a spot where they will be the most at peace while they pass. It saves you the trouble and heartache of traveling to a clinic and the logistics of getting your pet transported because there are no ambulances for animals. Performing it in your own home is often easier on you as well. Another benefit not often talked about is that if you have other pets in your home, they can either witness the passing or be allowed after your pet has passed to investigate the body and understand what happened. There is also often more dignity and compassion in home euthanasia, your pet will pass without having to go through an intake at a clinic or veterinary hospital and you can have them when it’s best for you, rather than on a clinics schedule or as a last minute emergency. The service that will be taking care of Athena also provides resources for grief and mourning your pet, as well as suggestions of local resources should you need them. In addition to all of these things, like with any euthanasia there are many options for your pets aftercare, from home burial to cremation and urns and mementos that memorializes your pet.

I have personal experience with at home euthanasia already; it was how we helped my parents dog over the rainbow bridge last year. She was very old, around seventeen if the estimate of the shelter was correct, and her mobility had decreased to the point where she had very low quality of life. She had a very peaceful passing in our living room, surrounded by her family and after having lots of yummy treats. Afterwards, we were able to allow both Athena and Harley time to see her and understand what had happened to the matriarch of their little pack. It was so beneficial to both of them, while we did see grief symptoms in them, they seemed to fair better in terms of anxiety and confusion and moved on in a more relaxed way. We opted for her to be cremated alone so that only her ashes would be in the container we received. We also had them do clay imprints of her paws, which are a sweet keepsake to remember her by. We opted to not get a fancy urn for her, given that at some point I hope to bury her on my own land. There’s is something to be said for being able to watch your loved one die in the comfort of your home; I’ve also done euthanasia at a hospital and while they did everything they could to make the dog comfortable and the process as easy as possible, it hurt a lot more because it was a strange environment and you could tell she was stressed because of that in addition to her condition.

With Athena I plan to do similar things as we did with my parents dog, I will have her cremated alone and get paw prints done. I also am going to try and get an ink imprint of her paw so that I can have a memorial tattoo done when time and conditions permit. Her euth will be slightly different due to covid, we will have to practice social distancing and rather than being in our living room we will have the procedure done in the backyard per health standards in our state. I think it’s fitting though, to have her pass in her favorite portion of the “house”. She has spent countless hours in the backyard, watching the birds and the squirrels and bunnies, soaking up the sun in the summer and rolling in the snow in the winter time. I’m going to try and plan for an evening time, because the light is perfect around that time this time of the year and I want it to be as nice as possible. It’s hard to talk about these things, but I think it’s important that we start to destigmatize the conversations we have around death, dying, and euthanasia in our pets because so many people don’t know about their options and how they can help their companion pass with dignity and grace.

I will try to post more updates as we go along, though I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up or if I’ll be in a place where I can put my emotions into words. I’ve come to terms with the fact that Athena is dying and that there really is nothing we can do except keep her comfortable until it’s her time. Renal dysplasia is a killing disease because the kidneys are malformed from birth, though you can’t always tell. These dogs never have good values in their lives, though they often tolerate the condition for a year or two before becoming very symptomatic. The fact that Athena is 2yr 7mo is a miracle, most renal dysplasia dogs have onset of symptoms much earlier and pass at around 18mo. I am so grateful for the time we have had together, and that I will be able to keep her comfortable up until the time becomes right to help her pass on. I going to miss her so much though.

#personal #athena #cw euthanasia #cw animal death #service dog #at home euthanasia #talk about death and dying #all things considered shes doing ok her at home #i feel like such a cool little dude doing her subq fluids #its kinda like i get to be her nurse #i dont know if she will make it to saturday but i am still hopeful given her spirits today #she still acts like my baby girl #i hope i dont icarus her tho by waiting too long #tho i probably wont bc i understand quality of life better now than i did when i was younger

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astralkoo · 5 years

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Beautifully Misfit 2

SERIES: Hybrid BTS

‣ Genre: fluff, smutt, hybrid au

‣ Word Count: 3k

‣ Pairing(s): skunk!Jimin x reader, puppy!Taehyung x reader, bunny!Jungkook x reader

‣ Warning(s): strong language, angst, bullying, fighting (not graphic), some mentions of abuse and neglect, talks of euthanasia

‣ to be aware of: sub!jimin, switch!taehyung, switch!jungkook, dom!reader, some kinky ass future happenings, BDSM themes, some heavy angst, and triggering themes.

Summary: you never really saw yourself as a hybrid person. that is, until your best friend introduces you to his hybrid, and you suddenly find yourself craving the companionship. you only intended to bring home one. somewhere between the lines you ended up with three beautifully misfit hybrids who craved nothing but your love.

part. i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi (coming soon)

A/N; I promise I’ll introduce Jiminie and Kookie next chapter, I just wanted to get all the introductory stuff out of the way early on without making the chapters too long! Also, thank you so much for the positive responses on Beautifully Misfit part 1! It means a lot, and I hope you enjoy part 2!

“Are you sure it’s enough?” You asked for the twenty thousandth time.

“Y/n,” Namjoon sighed, “you practically bought out the entire store, I’m pretty sure you’re set for the next twelve decades.”

“But what if there’s something I missed?”

“Trust me, you’re not missing any of the general necessities. You don’t even know what breed of hybrid you’re going to get and somehow you’re already over prepared.”

You offered him a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of your neck. “I suppose, I might have gone a bit overboard?”

He laughed loudly, “what gave it away? The king sized bed you ordered or the five thousand dollars worth of miscellaneous items?”

Humming in thought, you meekly interlaced your fingers behind your back, swaying a bit in your step, “a bit of both?”

Shaking his head at your ridiculous antics, he let out a light hearted chuckle, pulling you into his side. “You are one of a kind, you know that?” You smiled brightly up at him, wrapping your arm around his waist.

“So I’ve been told.”

But the light aura surrounding you seemed to crack as you approached the building. A sudden bout of uncertainty and nervousness gripped at your heart and mind.

You were finally here. After weeks of preparing your home for your new addition, endless hours of researching, and having several mental breakdowns in the arms of your best friend, you had finally arrived at the hybrid shelter.

It was almost surreal.

And definitely terrifying.

The shelter itself had been difficult to find. Originally, you’d believed it was fine to just pop into any random hybrid shop, because there was pretty much one on every block. Hybrids were very common, especially in the area you were currently living in. One prominent change in society a few years back was the climb in hybrid normality.

They’d once symbolized wealth and high status, but as their population increased, their value dropped and therefore, they were within reach of the ordinary man and woman. Within a span of two years, they became normal to have in everyday households.

Back when you were in middle school, there was only one girl who’s family was wealthy enough to own a hybrid. And she made sure to rub it in everyone’s face every chance she got.

But now, one glance down a street and there were usually at least three within view.

Unfortunately, this sprout in population came with several prominent downsides.

It wasn’t rare to hear of underground hybrid fighting rings. Men and women used hybrids as a source of entertainment, their own twisted amusement. The death of a hybrid in those fighting rings was like some sick joke on the street.

It was also not unusual to hear of hybrids being used for… sexual activities. Whether it be the owner abusing their power over a hybrid and taking advantage of them, or a hybrid being sold by a new form of pimp for money and power. It was a messed up system.

There were organizations that countered these issues, fortunately. Organizations that were dedicated to saving and protecting hybrids, as well as finding safe forever homes for them. Like H4H, ‘Home for Hybrids,’ which was where Namjoon had adopted Jin from and where you were currently going to adopt your own.

It was one of the most well known Hybrid protection organizations in the nation, and one of the most well credited. Unlike many other hybrid ‘rescues’, H4H took good care of their residents, treated them fairly and without abuse, tending to each hybrids unique needs in the most effective way possible.

You may or may not have read that off their website home page.

But it seemed legit enough. Namjoon approved of it, and you trusted Namjoon. He was good at this kind of thing.

“What’s with that face?” He nudged you gently in the side, breaking you from your train of thought.

“Just a little nervous. But it’s nothing I can’t handle,” you nodded confidently, eyes flickering over the exterior of the shelter. It was big. Really big. You wondered how many hybrids were inside. Probably hundreds. Maybe even thousands. Okay, that’s be an exaggeration, but possibly close to!

That thought alone sent another wave of unease over your restless mind.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go in with you?” Namjoon asked, concern obvious in his tone. He knew how you could be in these types of situations. You know, with decisions and all that. Especially life changing ones.

You quickly shook your head.

“No! No, I’m sure. I can do this by myself. I want to do this by myself,” you said, determination burning in your eyes. Your best friend smiled down at you adoringly, nodding in understanding.

“Alright. Good luck, Y/n,” He pecked your cheek, before turning to leave, only to pause at the feeling on your hand on his wrist. He looked back at you with furrowed brows, nearly melting into the damn floor at the look on your face.

This meant a lot to you. It really did. There weren’t a lot of important things in your life at the moment, but this was important. So important in fact that you’d spent the last few nights damn near tearing your hair out in a nauseating mixture of raw terror and unbridled excitement. Which was more overpowering was debatable.

“How… how will I know?”

He smiled reassuringly, flicking your forehead gently. “Trust this old dusty thing. You’ll just know. Don’t overthink it and don’t force it. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come naturally.”

You swallowed. “Okay. Okay, I’ve got this.”

“Damn right you got this,” He egged you on, playfully shoving you towards the massive center, “now go before you chicken out and bury your regret in a gallon of ice cream.”

Whipping around you threatening raised a hand at him, but he just laughed loudly and scurried out of arms reach, waving encouragingly as he got into his car. “You’ll be fine! I believe in you!”

You only flipped him the bird, earning a few looks from passerby’s.

“That Kim Namjoom,” you grumbled under your breath in aggravation, in spite of the smile that touched your lips.

With renewed confidence, you squared your shoulders, raising your chin as you struck a quick power pose. “I’ve got this.”

Yeah… you don’t got this.

As soon as you entered the building, your mind went blank. The lobby resembled that of a five star hotel, wide and modern and absolutely gorgeous. There were at least fifteen other people, some working there, others on a similar mission as you.

“Hello.”

You let out a yelp of shock, whipping around to come face to face with an unfamiliar boy.

He was very handsome, with brightly shining eyes and the kind of smile that would normally have you swooning in seconds had it not been for your buzzing nerves.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You just looked a little lost and overwhelmed. I’m going to assume that it’s your first time?”

You could only nod, cheeks warming faintly. Had you really looked that out of place?

The boy’s smile widened and he politely raised a hand for you to shake, “my names Jung Hoseok. I work here, as you can probably guess by the uniform and name tag. I’d be glad to help you out, if you’d like?”

“Y/n,” you introduced yourself, cringing as your voice cracked, “and yes, please. I’d really appreciate it.”

“Right this way, Y/n.” He took a step back, extending an arm to gesture at two large glass doors. Stifling any remaining unease, you allowed him to guide you through, immediately filling with curiosity. There was a hallway with three more doors, each with a large label across the top. The first read domestic, the second aquatic, the third exotic. “Any specific preference?” He asked, turning to you with another bright smile.

“Uh… domestic?”

“Good choice, I usually recommend exotic and aquatic hybrids for experienced owners. They can be a bit more of a handful and far more high maintenance, especially when it comes to their unique requirements. They can be quite pricy.” He explained with a playful click of his tongue that coaxed a soft chuckle from your lips.

“I don’t doubt that,” you couldn’t imagine the kind of home a person would need to own an aquatic hybrid, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but do you have a hybrid of your own?”

“I do, actually! A grumpy munchkin cat hybrid, his names Yoongi. I adopted him from this very place four years ago. He’s actually the reason I became passionate about hybrids,” he gushed fondly, clasping his hands in front of him. His eyes shined as he spoke, betraying just how dearly he loved this Yoongi.

“Was he your first?” You questioned.

He nodded. “My first and only!”

Immediately any restraint you had on your curiosity burst like an overstretches rubber band. “What was it like? How’d you know that he was the one you wanted? And what was it like bringing him home for the first time? Did it just click or did it take time? You said he was grumpy, has he ever bitten or scratched you? Shit, none of these hybrids bite, do they? I don’t tolerate pain very well so I don’t know just how well I’d be able to cope with being bit or scratched or—”

You began to ramble off question after question, his eyes going wide as he tried to process your words as quickly as they came shooting from your lips. But his shocked expression quickly turned to a gentle smile. At the feeling of his hand resting gently on your shoulder, you quickly snapped your mouth shut, face heating as you realized your mistake.

Leave it to you to have the biggest mouth of the century.

Hoseok was quick to cut off the apology that was seconds from being spit from your mouth with soothing words, “you’re nervous. That’s okay, I was, too.”

“Really? I’m not just loosing my mind over nothing?” Your lips turned upwards sheepishly as your shoulders rose.

A bright laugh bubbled on his lips at that, quickly shaking his head. “No, no, not at all. You’re bringing an entirely new living being into your home. Someone that you’ll be responsible for not only taking care of, but loving and protecting to the best of your ability. If you do that, then they will show you that same love and compassion in return. It’s an relationship of mutualism, give and you will receive. Trust and you will be trusted.”

Trust and you will be trusted.

You stared up at the boy beside you in awe, amazed by his wisdom. “Shit, you really do know your stuff, huh?”

He playfully popped his collar, giving a modest shrug. “I try.” You laughed loudly, him grinning happily at having been able to ease a bit of the tension that had been weighing down your shoulders. “Now come on, its time to find you your perfect new family.”

Family. That��s right. Family. You liked the sound of it.

Excitement overwhelmed the previously buzzing nerves that now lay dormant.

You hovered close behind him, fidgeting as he swiped his key card over a recognition device, a low beeping sound filling the hall before a notable click. With one last smile shot in your direction, he pulled open the door.

And you swear to god, you damn near dropped dead at the sight before you (in the ‘it’s so fluffy you could die’ kind way).

Hybrids–fucking–galore.

It was like a little pet paradise. Toys for every species and massive bean bags adorned freshly polished hardwood floors.

And the hyrbids. Dear god they were adorable.

“Wow,” you murmured, heart warming at the sight of two young cat hybrids playing happily with a unwinding ball of yarn. There was a group of puppy hybrids wrestling in the corner, playfully batting at one another and rolling across the floor. You smiled, giggling quietly until a sharp yell of pain split through the upbeat atmosphere.

“You bit him!” One cried in shock.

“I–I didn’t mean to, it was an accident, I swear!” A dark brown haired boy with large eyes spoke frantically. He tried to reach for the one that had yelped only to be harshly shoved away, a growl tearing from his throat.

“This is why no one likes to play with you! Because you’re just a stupid mutt.”

“I’m sorry—”

“You should be. I better not get any of your filthy diseases.”

“I don’t have any d–diseases!”

“Liar, you’re a disgusting, diseased mutt. Why do you think no one ever wants to keep you?”

“Shut up!” The brown haired boy shouted, delivering a rough shove to the over boy’s shoulders, sending him flying to the ground.

“Tae!” Hoseok was quickly leaving your side, running over to the two as they began to fight in a much less playful way than before. You could only watch with wide eyes as he intervened, pulling the two growling pups away from each other. “Both of you calm down before you get your snack time taken for the next week!”

That shut them up real quick.

Crossing him arms over his chest, he glanced back and forth between the hybrid, a hard but concern expression on his face. “Would either of you like to explain what just happened.”

“Taehyung bit me!” The first and much larger boy was quick to bark out. Haha. Bark out. Get it because they’re both dog hybrids? No, okay. Moving on,

“It wasn’t on purpose!” Taehyung cried out desperately, “I tried to say sorry but he pushed me and started saying really mean things!”

“Did not.”

“Did to!”

“Hey! Stop that right now! You’re both acting like immature puppies, you know that is not how we behave.” They snapped their jaws shut obediently, heads lowering as they were scolded.

“I’m sorry, Hobi,” Taehyung whimpered, tugging at his sleeve meekly.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, Tae. You need to apologize to each other.”

He looked far less thrilled about that, but spit out a soft ‘sorry’ to the other hybrid nonetheless.

The larger grunted stubbornly, turning away, chin held up pridefully. “Sehun, apologize to Taehyung. Now.” Hoseok voice was quiet but surprisingly firm. Sehun let out a low sound of frustration, eyes flicking back over to where they stood.

“Sorry.”

“Very good, thank you. But you both know the consequences of fighting.” The two canines quietly whined in protest. “Ah–ah… none of that. After lunch and dinner you’ll both be helping the staff clean up and wash dishes. Now back to your rooms for an hour, alright?”

Sehun shot one last sharp glare in Taehyung’s direction before stalking off, fluffy golden tail lowered. Taehyung bit his lip, worriedly looking up at Hoseok. “I’m real sorry, Hobi. Are you mad at me?”

Hoseok rested a hand between Taehyung’s dark ears, scratching reassuringly. “No, of course I’m not mad, Tae. I know it was an accident.” The dark haired hybrid whimpered happily in relief, nodding and scampering off. But for a brief moment, his eyes met yours. You could’ve sworn a blush touched his cheeks before he offered a welcoming wave and disappeared behind a set of doors.

“You handled that incredibly well,” you chimed.

Hoseok chuckled softly, “you learn how to handle situations like that after a few go arounds.”

“Who were they?”

“Sehun and Taehyung? Sehun is a German Shepard hybrid. He hasn’t been here for too long. But Tae…” he sighed softly, shaking his head, “he’s been in and out of this place since he was five.”

“Shit.”

“I know. He’s a good boy, he really is. He’s just been dealt a bad hand,” suddenly, he got this really sad look on his face, gnawing at the inside of his cheek, “listen. I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but…”

“But?” You urged, taking a step closer to him as his voice lowered.

“There was talk of him being put down if it doesn’t get adopted soon.”

Horror. Absolute horror.

“P–put down?” You repeated, praying that he would say you misheard. He nodded sadly, lips tightening. “That’s… that’s horrible. I didn’t realize this was a kill shelter.”

“It’s not meant to be. They’ve never put a single hybrid down before that I know of. But the higher ups are saying that his quality of life will just keep declining if he continues to be adopted and sent back. Things like that take their tole on hybrids mental health, which subsequently affects their physical health. Hybrids that suffer from mental illnesses are ten times more likely to become ill and far less likely to recover from something as seemingly simple as the common cold.”

“I never knew that.”

“Naturally, hybrids seek companionship. We all do to some extent, but hybrids with their animal counterparts actually need it. It’s not a matter of what looks good for the shelter. It’s a matter of whether this hybrid will be driven to extremes.”

“Extremes?”

“It’s possible that he may become feral.“

You felt yourself stiffen.

You’d done enough research to know what feral meant. His animal instincts would take over his mind, all human aspects ground into dust. He would become a danger to anyone around him. And would more likely than not end up being put down.

But you couldn’t picture the sweet boy with the big brown eyes becoming something so vicious and inhuman.

“That’s awful,” you muttered, more to yourself than to the worker beside you. He nodded in agreement nonetheless. Suddenly, you turned to him, eyes wide, “I would like to meet him.”

His own eyes enlarged hopefully, “really? You genuinely mean it? Because I don’t think he can take being let down again—”

“I mean it, Hoseok. I want to meet him.”

You could see how he was trying desperately to stifle his blossoming excitement.

“I’ll take you to his room!”

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pisati · 4 years

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I already posted on main about it and I’ve got nowhere else to really vent. I know my co-receptionist is active on twitter and I don’t know if she’s ever tried to look for me (probably not), but I don’t want to risk complaining where she could possibly see.

it’s just been a long, shitty week. and it’s only tuesday. we had two euthanasias yesterday and two today. usually we get one TOPS in a week. most weeks we don’t have any.

I don’t know how many weeks we’ve been doing this now, but it’s definitely been over a month. I’ve worked with the lead receptionist a bunch since I started. she’s nice, but she’s very much got her own personality. she’s from new jersey, and that’s the explanation for a lot of her attitude, she says. I respect her and how well she knows herself and her boundaries. but I really feel like she could be a little nicer. I get that she’s worked in healthcare for a long time and she’s seen some shit but she acts like she knows everything and sometimes it’s just really insensitive.

I don’t think she means to sound rude, but there have been times when I’ve been talking about something and she’s only half-listening, usually because she’s working on something, and she’ll finish what she was doing and go “now what are you babbling about?” she did it to one of the techs the other day too. I know she just means to ask “what were you saying?” but it really makes me feel like whatever I’m saying is just nonsense to her, like I’m running at the mouth and whatever it is isn’t important.

we listen to what she wants to listen to. for 12 straight hours, 3 days a week, every week. according to her my music taste is respectable, but “a lot of sad-sackery”, so we listen to her music. we have limited overlap, but I don’t say anything. not because I don’t want to start an argument, I’m pretty much cool with whatever. but I’ve noticed that when we listen to what she likes, it’s often just a small handful of things she likes. I KNOW DMX has way more songs than just the same few. same with nicki minaj and beyonce. we’ve listened to some rage against the machine, which I can appreciate, but there are definitely way more songs than just killing in the name, bombtrack, take the power back, and know your enemy. I’ve listened to musical soundtracks. we did les mis and chicago and maybe a few others last week. I’ve sat there and watched videos I didn’t care to watch, because she’s really enthused about black opera singers and bruce springsteen and whomever the fuck else, because I like to think I’m a nice person and when someone is excited about something and wants to share it I let them be fucking excited about it, even if I don’t give half a flying fuck about it. today was a disney day, apparently, so I listened to soundtracks for mary poppins, the little mermaid, and beauty and the beast. sound of music too. whatever other eclectic songs tickle her fancy on any given day. but I’ve noticed it seems to just be the things she likes. I’ve come to work on disney days before but I don’t recall hearing soundtracks to more than just a few movies. I tried to get her to listen to a little hozier once or twice; since she’s a singer we often end up talking about vocal talent. and I was trying to show her what a great vocalist he is. she listened to maybe a few seconds of a song or two and, nah, not her taste. she gets why someone like me would like his voice, though. today she was laughing about something one of the techs had said; we have a whiteboard in the back hallway and every week or so someone (her, maybe?) puts up a prompt and people can write their responses. ya know, team bonding, sorta. this week she’d put up “what two famous people would you like to have dinner with?” and one of the techs had written “leo dicaprio and billie eilish”. and she was laughing about it. she’s not a fan of billie’s popular stuff. I told her about how I didn’t think I’d much like billie at first, but I listened to her whole album and I was surprised, I thought she had a really nice voice. just.. nope. I asked if I could play one song. just one. nope, nope, nope. she’d listened to half a second of each song on her album and decided she didn’t like any of them. I didn’t press.

yesterday she really just... ugh. the head vet had come up to the front desk to tell us that a really sweet client offered to buy us lunch, and did we have any ideas on what we’d like? they were thinking panera. I wasn’t sure if there was anything there I’d eat, but I’d take a look at the menu. my coworker had piped up with “she’s like super picky” and then ensued the “so what do you eat?” conversation. I didn’t really have much to say, since I’m tired of that fucking question and I don’t have such a small palate that I can just list off everything. she interrupted with “mac and cheese, I know that.” I forget what else she said, but I tried to explain that it was a sensory issue and there’s actually a disorder that involves a sensory rejection of food that lasts well into adulthood, and she was just sitting there next to me trying to hold back laughs. I asked her what was funny, she goes “it just sounds like picky eating, like it sounds so ridiculous”.

yeah, because I love being 25 and not being able to go to more than a tiny handful of restaurants with friends because those few places have one thing on the menu I’ll eat. I fucking love being too deeply embarrassed to special-order anything plain that I’d rather not eat at all. I love the “so what DO you eat” question, I love being laughed at and made fun of, I love feeling like a child who could never “grow out of it”. I really fucking love it, that’s why I continue to do this to myself. fuck’s sake.

this is the person who takes euthanasias so seriously that she’ll fuck anyone’s day up if they interrupt her while she’s getting paperwork together or if they’re being loud while the owner is in the room. she told me about her home health care work and how she dealt with a lot of people who were in hospice and she was real sympathetic to just about anything, because they were dying. I know I’m not dying, this doesn’t involve death, but the complete lack of empathy towards me just... really hurts. here I am trying to explain myself the way I always feel the need to, because I apparently have to have a fucking reason why I’m so picky, and she won’t hear any of it. she was fucking laughing at me.

I don’t feel disliked at my job, but I’m getting that feeling like I did in high school and college. like I’m both a part of something and not. I know I’m weird and a little awkward, but... she talks to people on the other team and they leave memes for each other. there’s a new girl on the other team who only started a month or two ago, but my co-receptionist is leaving memes for her specifically; the new girl even called today and she picked up, and they were having a riot of a conversation from what I could hear; a lot of genuine laughter, and I could hear the way she was talking, it sounded just so natural. a lot of the time with me she doesn’t quite sound like that. she’s got a pretty dirty sense of humor, and she was leaving some pretty gross memes for the new girl, meanwhile there was a video she’d shown the new doctor and the head vet that she didn’t want to show me because she “wasn’t sure if we were there yet”. she’d already described it to me, and she finally showed it to me today; it was just some nerdy guy singing about pussy in an 80s R&B voice. nothing I couldn’t have found somewhere on the internet myself. hell, it’s probably already floating around tumblr somewhere. idk, I don’t feel disliked but I am starting to feel left out. like, even the new people are more integrated than I am, and I’ve been there 8 months. I don’t know why this happens to me literally everywhere I go. every job, every school (except IUP somehow??), fucking everything. I just never feel like a true part of anything and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m not unfriendly. I don’t think I’m unapproachable. maybe I really just am that boring.

I’m just really tired of this. when she was out sick that one day last week, and I had to handle 13 straight hours of reception basically by myself, with some help from the office manager, I actually felt less tired than when she was there. I feel like I have to put on a face for her, like I have to pretend to be interested in whatever she’s going on about all day. I can’t say anything to her because she’s the lead receptionist, but it’s been getting on my nerves lately that I try to actually do work and she’s sitting there looking at memes, telling me she has to find this particular one of jason momoa so she can print it out have it at her desk because he’s just so attractive

I didn’t get a break yesterday, because our doctors were lagging so far behind and I had to keep the phones on. she left to go do something, and I was left to answer phones by myself. I almost didn’t get a break today either; there were still one or two clients left by 1pm and I couldn’t turn the phones over to the break message, and she had a thing to do with her car so she’d be back. I forget how I ended up mentioning that I didn’t get a break yesterday either and she was like “well that’s me the other times the doctors are behind. it’s your turn”. and while that is fair... one of the techs came up to talk to her after she’d left. she looked at me and was like, “where’s trish?” and I was like “... on break”. and she looked at me and I looked at her and she was like “...she’s been taking more breaks than any of us”. and I was like “yyyyep.” she goes out a few times during the day to have a cigarette too. usually when it’s quiet, but of course in the space of 10 minutes there’s a lot that can happen. often it does. thankfully today we had those last few clients out by 1:30 so I did get to clock out, and she let me stay off the clock until 2:30. but if the doctors were as behind today as they were yesterday, I’d have had no break today either.

we pretty much only ever talk about what she wants to talk about. she’s constantly interrupting me or talking over me, so I just let her talk. I’ve heard more about her wild sex life back in her 20s than I’d ever care to know. today she told a story three times (once to me, once to the head vet, and once to one of the techs) about how she can accurately guess a man’s dick size by the way he walks, and how she did this to some guy she dated in her early 20s and he was surprised by it. I don’t want to make things tense or awkward by saying I don’t want to talk about these things and I’d personally rather listen to music that keeps me calm and just quietly scan, fax, label, and attach things in between the periodic phone calls, but I can hardly get a word in edgewise anyway, so it’s mostly just me listening. she’s let me know in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t like rats and doesn’t think they’re cute; doesn’t want to see pictures of them, just.. nothing. I personally think that you can’t claim to love animals if you only love the ones you think are cute. but I don’t even know if she does. I couldn’t tell you why she’s working at a vet clinic.

it’s fucking exhausting. it’d be exhausting with alexa too, I know that for a fact. I’m getting better at my job but I still need a supervising receptionist, so either way I’d have to deal with one of the two. I’m just glad it’s only 3 days a week, but even my 4 day weekends are flying by. the days are all blending together and I’m having a hard time getting my brain to work. none of this is easy. but it definitely doesn’t help to have to work with someone who’s so rigid about everything they do; like, I spend all fucking day listening to what you have to say and listening to every single song you want to listen to and watching every stupid video you think is funny (though some of them are; other times it’s like.. something reminded her of a veggie tales episode so now we have to watch it), and I can’t even play one song I like because you’ve listened to a split second of it and automatically think you don’t like it? the fuck, dude.

just.. the way she acts like she knows everything about the way people act, and how little tolerance she has for bullshit. I appreciate that second bit, but there’s other times when she really just has no sympathy and I feel like everything would be easier if she did. yesterday our one doctor was lagging really far behind and she was getting so annoyed because he had all this time for his appointments and people were having to wait and he never caught up all day; one of the clients ended up being one who was VERY particular about estimates and payments and shit and apparently he’d fucked something up after she had told him and the tech well ahead of time to be very careful with her. and she’d about had enough of him after that. by the end of the day he looked like he was either about to cry or had been crying. and he apologized to her for fucking up; I forget exactly what he said and she accepted his apology, but it almost seemed superficial. she had had it. the second she was done with her shit for the night she left. I stayed a few extra minutes to do something, but... like, even I could tell there was more to the story there. you don’t just lag all day for no reason, and especially not when you have to start the day on a euthanasia that wasn’t expected. I get that when you’ve worked with people for so many years you end up with a low tolerance for bullshit, but come on. I’ve been dealing with shitty people my whole life but I at least understand what it’s like to have a bad day. this particular doctor, a lottttt of the staff has a problem with, for many reasons. he’s only ever been nice to me, and I don’t know a lot of what goes on that annoys reception and the techs so much (often it’s some of his medical decisions, which... I wouldn’t know anything about that. how am I supposed to know what his rationale was for prescribing meloxidyl for a rhodesian ridgeback? the owner asked me for a refill and I requested it). so I guess some people’s patience runs low with him. but even so, I don’t think I could ever lack empathy that much. no matter how long I do this shit. I was tempted to ask him if he was okay, but I figured he had a lot on his plate to get to. he was there til like 10 last night, and his worklist was really long today too. I could tell he’s been on edge since last week. it’s not my business to know why, and I don’t have to. just be fucking nice to people, lmao

for someone who’s so picky about her music taste, she’s got no fucking right to talk about my eating. she won’t even venture outside the things she likes. she decides once that she doesn’t like something and that’s the end of it. so why is it suddenly a problem when I don’t want to try a variety of foods?

I’m just. really frustrated. I don’t want to have to vent about my coworkers but I’m not going to get through this easily. we don’t even know how long we’re going to have to do this. I found out today alexa’s husband is now in the hospital; they’re treating it like COVID and/or really bad pneumonia, but what the fuck does that mean for her team? for mine? did she bring germs to the clinic? is she going to have to quarantine along with her team? is my team going to have to run shit? I have no idea, and I only found out about this through facebook. I haven’t heard anything else from anyone. we do sanitize between teams so there’s a low risk of cross-contamination, but... we don’t get everything. there’s no way to.

I need to go to bed soon. I’m so glad tomorrow’s my friday. I’m ready for this week to be over.

#ugh.

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drferox · 5 years

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Veterinary Story Time - Birds & Cruelty

There is something awe-inspiring about a truly furious sulphur-crested cockatoo. This screaming ball of feathers is only 1% of your size but it firmly believes that is no hurdle to it tearing your face off in displeasure, and it’s not entirely unjustified.

While a tame cockatoo can be a lovely but still challenging companion, a wild one is a ball of intelligence and rage limited only by its size. And being injured with a mangled wing does nothing to hamper its attitude or flesh-tearing ability.

It does, however, hamper a veterinarian’s ability to examine the beastie while it is conscious.

This was particularly the case with a very angry, wild cockatoo that had been found my members of the general public, some humans that I would later go on to have further run-ins with. They said he’d been hit by a car, found him on the side of the road, and wanted him treated.

That part was fair enough, we would routinely assess wildlife that was sick or injured, and treat if they had either a good prognosis for recovery and release, or if they were a threatened species and there was likely to be a place for them in a zoo if they weren’t releasable. So I agreed to take a look.

This was a physical challenge as the bird was certainly injured - there’s no hiding red blood on white feathers - but not slowed down enough to discern what was wrong other than something with a wing. So many heavy blankets were applied until the mad velociraptor-adjacent specimen could be administered enough anaesthetic gas to make our job safer and lives longer.

Now I could see what had happened to the poor thing, and let me assure you it was justified in every ounce of its rage. One wing was completely mangled, multiple bones had open, contaminated, comminuted fractures, which is a technical way to say the wing bones were smashed to buggery and back with all kinds of filth in there.

There would be no way to save that wing, and as a wild bird, release without a wing wasn’t viable, so euthanasia was required.

I should have just done it, then and there. It is difficult for me to write this story even now, because I genuinely feel like I failed that bird and regret it deeply.

I think I was just trying to be nice, gentle and polite, when I went to tell the people who had brought it in, who were still waiting in the clinic, that unfortunately this cockatoo had sustained such massive trauma that euthanasia was our only option.

They freaked out. There was crying, screaming, literal foot stomping in the waiting room, insisting I can’t euthanise the cockatoo, that I had to treat it and that they would take care of it if it couldn’t be released.

I was a new grad. I’d been working for about 8 months and I was not prepared to deal with that level of madness and intensity. So I did what you’re supposed to do, and went and got the boss. He said he’d known these clients for years and would talk to them, and I was quite pleased to get out of that interaction.

Only when he returned, it wasn’t with the go ahead to euthanize the bird. Instead, he announced that we would be amputating its wing.

I was aghast. This was a wild bird that hated everybody, and the people that brought it in looked to be afraid of it.

But they’d insisted, to the boss, that it was their pet (how they explained a pet got that sort of trauma I’ll never guess) and that they wanted it treated and would take it home.

This was a lie. It was a blatant lie told by someone I would later suspect was an animal hoarder just because they wanted to keep the bird.

I should have just given it the injection instead of letting a wild bird have its wing amputated to spend the rest of its life - decades for a cockatoo - in captivity with people who I just know would not have attended to its psychological needs at all.

I still feel terrible that this was allowed to happen, even though I know I was the most junior vet in the building, that I’d appealed to authority and authority had done wrong, and that there was a third vet involved who actually did the surgery that had also been in a position to stop it.

This was a wild, terrified, intelligent bird that was in pain, would wake up without one of its most important limbs and then spend the rest of its life in captivity. It was wrong. It was cruel.

Our job, at its heart, is to advocate for the welfare of our patients. I should have fought harder, then I wouldn’t be regretting it almost a decade later. Knowing that the cockatoo is also, possibly, regretting it almost a decade later.

#veterinarian #vetblr #animal cruelty #cockatoo #animal welfare #trauma #not a happy story

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fourteen--steps · 6 years

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On big goldfish, and listening to each other

I apologize if the tone of this post is maybe a little more snippy than my usual ones. I’m usually very thoughtful with my words but I’ve had an incredibly rough physical and emotional week and I’m running low on spoons to devote to thinking things through properly. My frustration’s gonna bleed through here but I don’t want anyone to take it personal cause it’s really more me than you.

That said.

Remember that whole trend a while ago of “don’t give advice on animals you haven’t kept or deeply researched?” What ever happened to that? What ever happened to respecting the expertise and hearing out the opinions of people who actually have it in that field vs demanding you’re right because you’ve read some care sheets and seen some photos of worst case scenarios?

My whole life and world has been immersed in goldfish for the last several years. Keeping multiple breeds of both single tail and fancy, reading, researching, joining everything from casual hobbyist groups to those of serious breeders and highly respected names. I’ve moderated, built, and eventually owned my own care forum. I’ve spent hours reading vet manuals and scientific articles, as well as conducting necropsies on every animal I lose to better understand their inner workings and what’s gone wrong. I had the wonderful experience last summer of raising a small batch of someone else’s fry. I’ve experimented with all different kinds of food and filtration and maintenance and decor and enrichment.

I don’t know everything, nobody can. I’m not perfect, nobody is. But I can say with confidence I know a lot about the care and keeping of goldfish overall, and that my information is overall very solid and thought out.

So when someone comes in my inbox and asks my opinion on something goldfish related, my answer comes with all that experience and thought behind it. I often include caveats in my answers when I’m not 100% sure, or if I believe there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. I’m not so bigheaded as to believe that my way is absolutely always right and will work for every situation and every fish. But I answer in earnest and with confidence and reasoning.

But then my posts get immediately doused with comments from people who to the best of my knowledge have little to no experience with the species. The ones who do have experience tend to be polite in their responses, if not a bit misguided, although even then their knowledge tends to bottom out at keeping some orandas in a 40B or having tended a garden pond. Often the other comments are far more cursory and involve varying amounts of dismissal of my opinion entirely, insults, condescension, and most frustratingly, wild misinformation (much of which I’ve only heard echoed back and forth within the microcosm of tumblr, and never from a reputable outside source)

Like I’ve read a fair amount about bettas now both on here and elsewhere just cause they’re such popular fish and I’m a nerd and I’m curious. But I’ve never kept one, and I’m not an expert, and I’d never go be snappy on the advice post of someone who I know has a lot more practical and academic knowledge with them than I do? At the very least I could politely ask a question or voice a dissenting opinion with some of my reasoning, possibly acknowledging the deficits in my experience, but diving straight in with the vitriol just baffles me.

It’s come to my attention people are vagueing about me now and that’s just? So fucking childish and unnecessary. I’m also being accused of having stunted fish based on, among other things, the old eye proportion criteria, but btw that image of the ranchu that circulates as an example? Is heavily photoshopped and not a reliable catchall method to determine stunting.

For those who didn’t believe Zoom is as big as I said, I took this picture today. He’s not the most personable of my fish so he wouldn’t let me get him against a measuring tape but I measured my hand like that at about 4 inches, then pasted those identical bars on him (swear the blue bar is the same I just recolored so it’d stand out, not sure why it looks a little longer than the red). He’s just under 8 inches, nose to peduncle. Maybe even a tad longer cause he always curls a little when I flip him on his side (also why his side looks a little sunken here, he was getting ready to snap back and splash me in the face :P). When measuring goldfish you don’t include fins, by standard. If you wanna tack on the extra inch or so of tail go ahead and call him 9″

I also weighed him, he’s 109 grams which is a tad less than I’d like but I’ve been having issues with one fish in the tank needing a specialized diet so they’ve all been getting a little less protein than usual lately. The fish with the diet issue is probably going to be going back to @finefeatheredfish soon and I can pick up with weekly Worm Nights as usual again. His body condition is still good though rounded from above without being bloated, muscular rather than fatty, with a nice smooth taper head to tail and a bit of a belly. He’s not a very tall fish, but that’s more cause he’s a badly bred feeder fish who doesn’t fit the perfect common genetic standard than anything. Height isn’t about health, that’s a genetic characteristic that some fish just won’t achieve. In fact many tall “humpy” commons are not actually properly tall, but have large fat deposits along the tops of their bodies particularly built up behind the head which are an indicator of poor diet and overfeeding.

In fact if you want, here’s the US hibuna show standard! Take a look!

What about the eye thing? It’s huge compared to his head right? Well here’s a shubunkin posted by Gary Hater, currently one of the most well respected breeders in the US hobby, both for his fish quality and welfare standards. Who incidentally keeps most of his in aquariums and states that they normally reach 6-8″ indoors. This fish was from his “giants” tank, one of which he said was roughly 10 inches. This one in the video looked a little smaller than aforementioned Big Boy so I figure it’s around 8″ or so, like Zoom. and hey, look at that big googly eye! Almost like eye size can vary naturally in healthy goldfish and isn’t necessarily a sign of stunting without other important factors that are often much more subtle and far less textbook!

The last think I want to bring up, is that this whole “goldfish are ALL large” and by extension “NEED to be large” to be “right” worries me for another reason. I’m concerned there’s a mounting pressure that goldfish should be reaching these enormous sizes that they aren’t meant to, in far too short of a time. Many of the fish that do reach these sizes in captivity, yes even the ones in ponds, reach them due to powerfeeding. Intentional or not, these fish are put on high protein, high filler, sometimes high fat diets, and often fed a lot of it. Outdoor fish also gorge themselves on algae, insects, worms, snails, aquatic plants, sometimes other small fish, anything they can get their greedy little mitts on. Then their owner will dump in a large cup of cheap high protein pond conditioning food and they scarf that down too.

For aquarium fish, a nervous newbie keeper may see their young fish isn’t growing to the size they believe it’s supposed to and get a bigger tank, start feeding extra bloodworms, more meaty pellets, maybe turn the heater up a degree or two to boost their metabolism. They balance it out with lots of veggies so they think it’s okay, they just want their fish to be healthy and catch up to where it’s “supposed” to be! This leads to rapid and impressive growth, yes, but it comes with dangerous and potentially deadly consequences.

Some of you may remember Queenie. She was the largest goldfish I’ve ever personally encountered, 10-11 inches and fat fat with it. Her original owner surrendered her to our LFS and @finefeatheredfish immediately bought her with the plan that she’d move into my 150 when it was set up. She was healthy at the time, some kind of long bodied fancy mix and drop dead gorgeous, though she needed to drop some weight for sure. Too young to be that massive and visibly overweight. She was unquestionably a powerfed pond fish.

Cw for euthanasia mention, pet death, graphic descriptions, next 3 paragraphs

But about a month into her QT she began getting sick, infection-like symptoms but antibiotics didn’t do anything. We worked on her another month, did our best to save her. We probably should have euthanized her earlier in hindsight but we wanted so bad to get her through and give her a happy home. She was just so amazing you know? I took her for the last week of her life to try some last ditch treatment, she died about 3 days after this photo was taken.

I did a necropsy on her afterwards. Her vital organs were layered in fat. There was so much of it around her swim bladder that I thought it was another organ at first and got confused. I’m shocked it was still functional. Her liver was unidentifiable mush, suggesting chronic disease, and her gallbladder had simply exploded and spilled bile all over the surrounding tissue. Her body cavity was full of blood and fluid. The cause of death appeared to be the rupture of her gallbladder or liver and the tearing of some important vessel in that area, she bled out internally.

The chronic liver and gallbladder disease were entirely untreatable for home aquarists. What we thought was infectious dropsy was full on liver failure, she couldn’t balance the fluid and electrolytes in her body anymore which caused the swelling. Likely even if we had taken her to the vet there would have been little they could do. You can’t really remove a fish’s inflamed gallbladder, or transplant in a new liver to replace a failing one. Those conditions are linked to obesity in many species, and I have no doubt that Queen’s diet and obesity were the cause of the chronic conditions that lead to her slow death.

She was powerfed because someone wanted a large, impressive fish, and it killed her. She deserved so much better than that.

CW over

Powerfeeding and its results are not always that extreme, and I can go into more on the other risks and issues if anyone is interested, but this is long enough already. I wanted to include Queenie as a cautionary tale, and because I’m still so sad she never got to meet the rest of my little school. She was such a sweetheart.

I have a genuine concern with this normalization of 12-14″+ fish as average, that people are going to start pushing their pets to meet that. Most goldfish are not genetically capable of that growth. I’d go so far as to say most goldfish should not reach that size, at least not in any appreciably quick period of time.

Feed your fish well. Keep their water clean. Give them room to swim. They will grow on their own time, to their own size.

And lastly. I’m open to talking about this stuff, really. I love to learn new things and hear new sides. Just please, be friendly and mature and let’s have a real conversation? We can disagree politely. It doesn’t have to be black and white, mortal enemies, I know fishblr’s environment these days isn’t very conducive to that, and that’s part of why I’d left a few weeks ago. But I’m trying to give it another chance cause this community used to be really welcoming and wonderful. I’d really love for us to be able to step away from all this polarizing distrust and be open and considerate again.

My responses may be spotty because of the terrible week I mentioned at the beginning of this post but I’ll try and check back.

#I think I kept this mostly together and said most of what I want to say #goldfish #fishblr #long post #fishies #zoom #queenie #pet death mention

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ottermoone · 5 years

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Tribute to Gwydion, Cat of cats

I lost my best friend two days ago. His name was Gwydion, and he was a few months shy of 12.

I was there the day he was born, in early 2007, when my neighbor knocked on our door and told us excitedly that her 2 cats were having kittens. I was 11 years old, in the 5th grade.

We hadn't initially expected to adopt a kitten, but the last litter of kittens had included a few white kittens, and my mother wanted another white cat, as we had lost an older white kitty who we'd both been very close to a couple years before. So we headed down and sat with a group of people, and watched the newborn kittens finally nuzzle up to their moms, a black cat named Hemy, and a tortoiseshell named Patches. Patches had a couple white kittens in her litter, and my mother asked the neighbor if we could adopt one of them when they were old enough.

5 or 6 weeks later, my mother came back up to our apartment with a small kitten. He was all white, except for his tail, which was orange and striped. I was told that he was only going to explore our apartment for a little bit before going back downstairs to his mom. I watched him run around excitedly, playing with my two other cats (Hercules and Persephone--both who hissed at him), and we laid out a shoebox filled with litter in case he needed to go, since he was so small we were afraid he'd get stuck in the regular litter box. He eventually used it, and squeezed out the tiniest and stinkiest poo I'd ever seen. I still remember it. My mother eventually took him back down to the neighbors', and a week or 2 later, he came to live with us permanently.

I didn't get to name him--my mother liked to give me the illusion of "choosing a name," which she'd then immediately reject before telling me what we were naming the animal. She initially told me we were going to name him Cernunnos, because she wanted a Celtic name for the cat, because of his coloring (white animals were considered sacred in Celtic mythology, apparently). She eventually rejected that name ("It sounds too much like 'Sir' ... Sir Lancelot, Sir Galahad...") and settled on Gwydion instead. It took me a full week before I was able to remember and pronounce his name (Gwid-ee-in).

My mother was an abusive hoarder, and we lived in poverty, so in the apartment we were living in at the time, we slept next to each other on a queen-sized memory foam mattress pad in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by trash and clothes and other junk. So the first night we brought Gwydion home, he did what all kittens do and started pouncing on anything that moved underneath a blanket. Unfortunately, when we tried to sleep, that ended up being our toes. After a half hour of him pouncing on our toes, my mother got impatient and told me to lock him up in another room for the night.

He began crying almost immediately, and when I was sure my mother had fallen asleep (as I knew I'd get in trouble otherwise), I went back in and grabbed him, took him back to the mattress pad with me, and laid him on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly until he fell asleep there, and then finally fell asleep myself. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there, and we were inseparable forever after. Every night after that, he'd come and lay on my neck or my chest, purring and kneading.

Over the next year, he got more orange coloring in his fur, and my mother gave him less attention (I think because he wasn't the pure white cat she had wanted, and also because she was jealous of the bond we shared), until it was plainly obvious that he was my cat.

We both suffered extremely abusive and impoverished conditions together over the years that I won't delve into here. But throughout those years, wherever we were living, and whether he was mainly an indoor or outdoor cat at the time, every night, he'd come to where I was sleeping, cuddle up next to me or on my chest, and stay there until I fell asleep.

For several years, he and my other cat, Hercules, were forced by my mother to be locked in my tiny room, day in and day out, never being allowed out, unless they happened to slip out when the bedroom door opened, and then ran outside (as the front door was almost always open due to broken AC). In those years, he learned what crying meant, and eventually, when I'd start crying, he'd immediately be there, forcing his way into my arms or onto my chest, kneading and purring until I stopped crying and fell asleep.

There was a day where I had basically made up my mind to kill myself. I was almost 13, and had laid in bed all day, from the time I woke up until after night time, with blackout curtains drawn. I hadn't eaten anything, and it felt like time didn't exist. It was the emptiest I can ever remember feeling. I just lay there, feeling nothing. Eventually, after hours of thinking about the quickest and easiest way to die, my mind settled on drinking bleach. As I started to sit up, getting ready to walk out of my room, he was suddenly on my lap from out of nowhere, crawling up my chest, kneading and purring. As if he knew. Looking back now, I realize he had been laying next to me the entire time, but I had been so out of it that I hadn't noticed. At that moment, all feeling came rushing back, and I began crying, horrified at what I'd almost done. I hugged him and cried some more until I fell asleep.

We moved again after a few years, this time into government housing, and he was allowed to roam the apartment or go outside as often as he wanted. Still, every night without fail, when I laid down, he'd be there next to me.

A few days after my 18th birthday, I secretly brought all my important belongings to school with me, and moved in with my boyfriend. I hadn't been able to get Gwydion out because I hadn't wanted to raise my mother's suspicions before I left--we had stopped letting him outside as often because I didn't want him to get hurt. I had planned on it for weeks, though--my boyfriend had planned to show up that morning with a cat carrier as I quietly slipped him out the door and into my boyfriend's waiting car. But the night before, I realized my mother would notice if he were suddenly gone all day, and that it might hurt my chances of getting out, and if I couldn't get out, I couldn't ever get Gwydion out. So I let my boyfriend know not to come pick him up. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made.

Those few months without him at night were rough, and I felt so guilty. But eventually, a few months later, my mother was evicted, and she asked me to take him and Hercules or they would be going to the pound. My boyfriend was super sweet and helped me pick them up, as well as necessary cat supplies, and thus began Gwydion's second life. He was 7 years old.

Gwydion had always been sweet to me, but he'd never been fixed, and he'd also been through abuse and lived outside part time, so he wasn't very sweet to other people. He also liked to spray. One of the first things we did was get him fixed and vaccinated. He immediately stopped spraying, and within a few short months, he was cuddling with my boyfriend as well.

For the first time, I was able to spoil him. He was able to walk and climb anywhere he wanted, he had multiple places to lay, he had access to a constant supply of food that never ran out, he had AC, he had a clean litter box, he had his best friend Hercules, he had two people doting on him, he didn't have fleas, and once every week, on Friday night, he'd get canned food. It took a little time, but eventually, he relaxed fully and began to enjoy himself, and he became an even more amazing cat, if that's even possible. He stopped laying on my chest every night, but that's mainly because he could come and lay on my chest or my boyfriend's chest at any time of the day he wanted. He would sometimes lay right on top of both of us at night though, which wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it was still sweet.

Hercules was put to sleep a few years later, in November of 2016. Gwydion didn't eat for 3 days, and so I eventually took him to the vet, and they induced his appetite. Thankfully he ate after that, but he was very stand-offish for the next few months.

Around the same time, we got a new kitten from the nearby shelter, who we named Crono. At first, Gwydion cuddled with Crono, but after Hercules' passing, he began to growl and hiss at Crono, and eventually, Crono learned to leave him alone. Feeling bad that Crono had no one to play with, we eventually got a 3rd cat from the same shelter, an 8 month old kitten, who we named Noctis. Noctis and Crono became immediate best friends, and within a month, Gwydion began being his old self again too, grooming the other two and even playing with them at times.

We moved a few months later, this time into a bigger apartment with a backyard and multiple windows, and we got a cat tree. Gwydion had always loved sunbathing, and so he loved this apartment. He could walk almost anywhere in the apartment and have access to a window. He also continued playing with the other two for a little while, which meant he gained a little muscle and evened out to a healthy weight. He was so happy I swear he glowed.

Unfortunately, a few months ago, he started losing weight rapidly, even though he was eating more. For reasons I don't want to explain here, including the fact that he was no longer cleaning himself, I realized a few days ago that this was it, and to keep going just because I adored him would be selfish of me. In my teens, I had seen multiple animals die without the benefit of euthanasia. I couldn't bear the thought of him having to go through that, and I realized he was getting close. So I made the hardest decision I've ever made, and chose to help him go.

My boyfriend and I were able to get a vet to visit us, as he'd always hated car trips. He got to spend his last day sun bathing, getting his favorite canned food, and his favorite treats. He spent his last hour cuddling on my lap. He was too tired and weak to lay up on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly as he lay there, and he passed quietly as I stroked him and told him I loved him.

It still doesn't feel entirely real. The moments when it does, the pain cuts deeper than a hot knife. I will be honest--I don't believe in an afterlife. I wish I did. Because then I might get some solace from the "Rainbow Bridge" poem, or the multitude of pictures assuring me that he's in heaven now, watching over me. But I will never see him again. He is gone. He'll never come up to me again, kneading and purring and booping my face. I'll never hear his sassy little voice again. It's going to take a long time to fully process. But I do know this: if angels were real, he'd be one. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for him. I wouldn't know the meaning of unconditional love, and I wouldn't be who I am or where I am now without having had the honor of having him in my life. So no matter the pain that continues to come in waves as reality settles over me, I will never regret bringing that little kitten with the stinky poop, who pounced on my toes while I tried to sleep, home.

I love you so much, baby boy. I am glad you existed at the same time as I did. I will carry the memory of you with me for as long as I live.

One of our first nights together.

Stuck in my room together. One of the few times he wore a collar. He tore it off not long after this picture was taken.

After he moved in with me and my boyfriend. Very relaxed and carefree

Pretty boy ❤️

Arm hugging and purring like crazy

Gwydion and Hercules: best friends

Part 2

Cuddling with one of our rats, Rosa

Cuddling with Crono when he was a kitten

The last picture taken, a week ago: cuddling with Noctis.

Rest in peace, baby kitty.

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wellesleyunderground · 5 years

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Wellesley in STEM: Jenn Wiegel ‘08, Veterinarian

WU STEM series editor Katie Kinnaird interviews Jenn Wiegel ‘08, a practicing veterinarian.

WU: Jenn, thanks for taking time to chat with us! You are a practicing veterinarian in Gibsonville, North Carolina. What drew you to being a vet?

JW: Every since I was a little girl I wanted to be a veterinarian. I always loved animals and this loved was sealed when I received my first kitten for my 7th birthday.

WU: Do you have a favorite part of your job?

JW: I most enjoy surgery and pleasant clients. :) Puppy and kitten visits are usually fun too. My favorite appointments are those with young children (though not so young that mostly all they do is fuss). I always offer to let them listen to their pet’s heart with the stethoscope. I usually ask them if the pet’s heart sounds okay and they almost always answer with authority that it does. It’s so cute!

WU: You majored in Econ with a minor in Astronomy at Wellesley. This seems like a less tradition pre-vet major. How did you decide to go into veterinary medicine? Did your major prepare you to be a vet in unexpected (or expected) ways?

JW: I’ve always wanted to be a veterinarian, but during my first year at Wellesley, I attended a pre-professional meeting that made it sound next to impossible to get into some of these professions (vet, MD, JD, etc). So I lost a little confidence in myself. It wasn’t until the summer before senior year that I decided I would go back to the dream of being a vet. I don’t know that this really influenced my major choice, however. I was never very interested in being a biology major because I never wanted to teach biology or work in a lab. I’m sure there are more things you can do with a biology degree than that, but 18 year-old me didn’t know this. I am a very practical person, so majoring in Econ was logical in that I could always fall back into any sort of business or finance job with this degree.

And Astronomy? Well, Astronomy was just fun! And I love math! Also, while I do love Star Wars, I will always chuckle at Han Solo’s line about making the Kessel run in “12 parsecs” because parsecs are a measure of distance, not time. Oh Astronomy nerdiness!

WU: How did Wellesley more generally prepare you to work with animals and their human caretakers? Where there any courses or professors at Wellesley that had a particular impact on you and your chosen career?

JW: I had many great professors at Wellesley who helped me along the way with recommendations, but I can’t say I think there was a certain course at Wellesley that helped with the animal or “pet parent” aspect of my job. I recall Professor Marc Tetel being very encouraging when I was the only senior in Bio 101. He was a great professor! There were other professors that I still regard as influential in my life path (Prof. Ryan Frace in history and Prof. Randall Collaizzi in Classics), but I think they just helped contribute to my lifelong love of learning and not specifically anything to do with veterinary medicine.

WU: What is the process for becoming a vet? What is the schooling like? Is there residency?

JW: Becoming a vet requires a 4-year undergraduate degree and then a 4-year veterinary medical doctorate. There are prerequisite courses that all veterinary schools require (the usual sciences and often public speaking as well), but many schools also want you to demonstrate animal or veterinary work experience as well. There are residencies for veterinarians. We essentially have all the specialties that physicians have and they all require a residency with the exception of being a general practitioner. All veterinarians graduate as GPs. If a vet does want to specialize, she would need to do an internship for a year prior to residency.

WU: A prerequisite in public speaking for working with animals is super surprising! Could you say a bit more about how this requirement fits into your veterinarian life?

One of the biggest and most important aspects of my job is client education. Veterinarians spend a lot of time speaking with people in order to help their animals. Taking public speaking as a course helped me be more comfortable speaking in public, particularly strangers (I took public speaking at UConn one summer and knew no one in the class). It’s very important to be clear and concise with what you’re saying and to be able to present medical conditions or treatments in a way that is easy to understand.

WU: What is the most interesting experience that you’ve had as a vet? What was the funniest or most unexpected experience?

JW: I’ve had so many incredible experiences on this journey. Prior to graduating from veterinary school, I did multiple study abroad trips where we worked with native wildlife/animals and people in those countries. These places included Australia, South Africa, Jordan, Ecuador & the Galapagos, Hawaii, and the Florida keys. In Ecuador, I got to draw blood from the jugular vein of a jaguar and in South Africa, took part in an enrichment program for cheetahs. I really love big cats and so these experiences were incredible. In Florida, I did an externship at a 24 hour hospital that sees a large amount of exotic animals (birds, reptiles, small mammals, etc). While there, the Animal Planet TV show “Gator Boys” brought one of their gators to have his jaw repaired by the owner veterinarian of this practice. I got to be the anesthetist for the alligator which was awesome and nerve-wracking at the same time. I may have even been on TV! (I don’t have cable, so I don’t know!) I would say that was the most unexpected experience I’ve had.

The funniest experience I’ve had as a vet happened my second year out of school. I had an appointment on my books for a wellness cat visit for a 10 year old female spayed kitty named “Tabitha”. This cat had been with the current owners for about 8 years and had been to 3-4 previous veterinarians. I had the documents from this cat’s previous visits so I knew her history. When we perform physical exams, veterinarian usually do a “nose-to-tail” evaluation. Well, I got to Tabitha’s tail, lifted it, and,to my surprise, saw that Tabitha was actually a neutered male cat. Luckily the owner had a good sense of humor when I announced “It’s a boy!” Somehow it had been missed that Tabitha, who had wandered up about 8 years prior, was actually a neutered male and not a spayed female. The owner and I certainly had a laugh about that one for quite some time.

WU: For those of us who considering adding an animal into our families, what recommendations do you have for making this decision? Do you have any suggestions for making the decision and/or preparing our homes?

JW: Actually, there are some great online resources for this. For first time pet parents, they may want to check out this page. The AVMA is our national professional organization and they are very devoted to public education, so they have several pages to help individuals decide what kind of pet is right for you. If you already have an established relationship with a veterinarian, then you may want to ask him or her for a recommendation. If your vet knows you well, they may know whether a cat or dog or a certain breed of pet would work best for you and your family.

WU: Healthcare for humans and the associate costs are big talking points in the US right now. Are there similar conversations or issues surrounding animal healthcare?

JW: Yes and no. There is health insurance for animals, but it works completely differently than human health insurance. I would encourage pet parents to consider getting pet insurance. It does not cover routine care (exams, vaccines, etc), but would could accident or illness and might make having to make a tough decision a lot easier. I worked as an emergency veterinarian full time for about 13 months and unfortunately there is a lot of finance-driven euthanasia because people are not financially prepared for an emergency. Having accident/illness insurance (which is basically what pet health insurance is) could mean life or death for a pet.

There are some veterinarians who are worried that animal healthcare will become as crazy as human healthcare, but I just don’t see how this could happen.

WU: Wellesley Alums seem to be everywhere! Where’s the most unexpected situation where you’ve met a Wellesley alum?

JW: Actually, I just bumped into a Wellesley alum (even an ‘08er) at the top of the Seattle Space Needle in July! I happened to be wearing a Wellesley hat that I bought my husband at reunion. Berenice Rodriguez stopped me and asked if I had gone to Wellesley. I realized I recognized her and we discovered that we were the same class year. We never knew each other well at Wellesley, but well enough to recognize each other! Neither of us live in Seattle, we were both there on vacation!

WU: So many STEM fields are mostly male, and as a result, many women experience challenges breaking into and being part of their chosen communities. As a female veterinarian, have you faced any challenges? What helped you keep moving forward to become the effective vet that you are?

JW: I have not personally experienced any challenges to becoming a veterinarian as a woman. The vast majority of veterinarians are female. In veterinary schools nationwide, 80% of the students are female so it's a lady-dominated field. There are plenty of women-owned practices, etc. I really only find that the biggest issues come when other strong-willed women (as clients) try to play a virtual spitting game to try to one up me intellectually. I have experienced a lot of negativity from these female clients. Whenever I’ve had a client complaint, it has always been a woman. Unfortunately, the general populous is not as supportive of successful, strong women as Wellesley.

WU: What about your life, beyond your work as veterinarian, are you most proud of?

JW: Most proud of? I guess I’m not sure. Oh wait - maybe it was the epic road trip I took in 2010 prior to going to veterinary school. (Blog here: http://lifeisahighway2010.blogspot.com/) I still love telling people about that. Enjoy the most? That’s easy - travel! I love going to new places and experiencing new things. I’ve been to all 50 states (by the age of 27) and 20+ countries. My husband and I love going to the movies, playing trivia, and taking day-trips. I enjoy cross-stitching and crafting.

WU: Okay, time for the big controversial question. Are you a cat person or dog person? … Just kidding! What I meant to ask is “do you have a special animal companion in your life?”

JW: No controversy here! I am 100% a cat person. Always have been, always will be. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs and I certainly enjoy seeing them at work, but kitties are where my heart is! My (most recent) best kitty companion passed away suddenly last year. His name was “Major Tom” and, boy, was he handsome. Big yellow eyes, fluffy orange tail, and huge paws. I’m still a bit misty eyed about his passing, but got to be his cat-mom for a glorious decade. I do have some great kitty companions at home right now - Smokey Jo (Major Tom’s sister and my little shadow), Carolina Jane (a princess cat if I ever met one), Sergeant Boots (the shy, gentle, sweet type with an arresting meow), and Marigold Marie (who despite her permanent limp, is very handicapable, thank you very much!). They’re all very sweet, loving companions. They greet me and my husband each and every day as we get home from work, can hardly wait for you to sit down before they’re in your lap (and I mean all of them, at once), and stand guard patiently outside our bedroom in the morning for food and affection. I’ve always had great cats who do all these things.

#Wellesley underground #Wellesley in stem series #Jenn Wiegel #class of 2008 #veterinary medicine

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years

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151.

What would you do, if you encountered a Dalek? >> I have no idea. I haven’t watched nearly enough Doctor Who to know the proper thing to do in case of Dalek.

Do you enjoy good food or do you prefer to constantly watch what you eat? >> I definitely choose my food based on taste and enjoyment as well as nutritional value; it’s basically a good thing that I gravitate towards more nutritionally robust food naturally, because otherwise I’d probably be in the same boat as a lot of people (letting nutrition fall by the wayside in pursuit of That Good-Food Feel). It’s an understandable boat to be in and I don’t begrudge people their junkfood/fast-food habits at all.

Is there any snow where you live? And where do you live, exactly? >> Not right now, thank god.

Are you excited that spring is on its way? >> It isn’t.

Is there a website you frequent the most? >> I guess this one.

What would you most likely do, if your computer suddenly froze? >> If it BSODs, then I just let it do its thing (it restarts itself in that case). If it just freezes in place, then I wait a minute and if nothing happens (and I can’t get a response from Ctrl-Alt-Del or anything else), force a restart with the power button.

Which OS (operating system) are you using? >> Windows 10.

Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? If yes, can you name any of the components? >> Yeah, because I open it up to clean the fan out every so often. I can point out a few of the components, but not all of them.

What is your favourite gaming console/system? >> I prefer PC gaming.

If you only had one week to live, what would you do? >> I don’t know. I can’t imagine that situation.

Do you know what IRC is? >> Vaguely.

If you were stranded on an island, what one object would you want with you? >> I mean... I’m just gonna say a ship. I know that also comes with complications (no crew, etc), but I’m not really in the mood to be serious about it.

How often do you listen to music? >> Pretty often.

If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? >> I’d really rather not.

Have you ever cut your own hair? >> I cut my own hair regularly.

Could you live without a TV? >> Sure.

Back to the very first question, do you even know what a Dalek is? >> More or less.

Is there someone special in your life? >> There are several.

Do you want to get married one day? >> It’s in the plan, either way.

Is anyone close to you pregnant right now? >> No.

Do you want children? If yes, how many and why? If not, why not? >> One would be fine, I suppose.

If you could spend the rest of your life with someone, who would it be? >> Sparrow.

What is the most important thing in your life? >> I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it like that.

What would be your dream job? >> None.

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grow up? Do you still want to be that? >> I had some vague ideas, but nothing serious.

What is your biggest dream? >> I don’t have one.

What are some of the things on your Bucket List? >> I don’t keep a bucket list.

Do you have any pets? If yes, what? If not, why not? >> No. Sparrow has a cat and that’s quite enough, tbh.

If you could go anywhere in the whole world, where would you like to go? >> Anywhere, I suppose. I’m not picky.

What has been the worst thing that's happened to you? >> I don’t know.

If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? >> No. That concept gives me the hives.

What is your view on abortion? >> I support legalised abortion.

What about birth control? >> I support free/affordable birth control.

Over-population? >> I am not knowledgeable enough about ecology and biodiversity and related disciplines to know exactly how dire human overpopulation is.

Racism? >> I think it’s absurd and I am quite tired of dealing with it.

Homophobia? >> Ditto.

Bullying? Have you ever been bullied yourself or have you bullied someone? >> I was bullied as a child. I think it will continue to be a problem until adults start taking it seriously (and focus more on teaching compassion and consequences for anti-social behaviour rather than teaching bullied children that “bullying just happens and you should just ignore it”).

What do you think of people, who choose NOT to have children? >> I think that’s great, and they should have their choice respected.

Do you think euthanasia (assisted suicide) is acceptable? If not, why not? >> I do think it’s acceptable.

What about suicide? If not, why not? >> I think that’s ultimately acceptable too, as a fact of existence -- obviously that’s a loaded answer, and I’m not at all suggesting people just kill themselves, but I don’t think it helps anyone (including suicidal people) to stigmatise it. If someone’s pain is so great that they can’t imagine living with it, then that’s something that deserves attention -- if their pain is unable to be mitigated, then what do you suggest they do, keep living with it for the sake of other people? It’s just... such a complicated issue.

Do you know anyone with a severe mental illness? >> Yes.

What is your view on teenage pregnancy? >> I don’t have an opinion. It happens, and the teens in question should be supported in their time of need instead of kicked out of their homes and burdened with guilt and shame.

What about sex before marriage? >> Fine with me.

In your opinion, what is the ideal age to start having sex? >> I don’t have an opinion on this.

What about the ideal age to start drinking? >> Or this.

What do you think of smoking? >> I don’t really think about it. It’s just another thing we humans do.

What about people, who listen to their mp3-players in public? >> Most people use headphones, so it’s fine.

Are you afraid of global warming? If yes, why? If not, why not? >> I’m not afraid of climate change, because it’s difficult for me to conceptualise in the long-term. But I understand the anxiety.

Do you believe the world will end in 2012? Why/why not? >> Hah!

Aren't surveys, that ask favourites, this'n'that etc. questions, annoying? >> No.

Aren't you just as tired as me writing all your basic info in surveys? >> No.

What's the most important factor for you when choosing a survey to take? >> Whether I’ve taken it in recent memory.

Have you ever made a fool of yourself in front of someone you like? If yes, what did you do? >> I mean, maybe at some point, but I sure don’t remember it now. As it goes.

Don't you think that sunglasses they sell today look ridiculous? >> No.

What is something that annoys you very, very much? >> The super-bass some people have in their vehicles. I can feel it in my bones and that’s an experience I’d rather choose to have (like at a concert), not have forced upon me.

Do you like long car rides? If yes, what makes them fun? If not, why not? >> I used to like them a lot more, but now I get really antsy and stifled-feeling after a while (especially if the windows are closed). I’m just not as used to the long car ride experience anymore.

Have you ever been on a plane? If yes, where did you go? If not, why not? >> Yes, quite a few times.

Have you ever been on a cruise ship? If yes, how many times? If not, why haven't you? >> No. Because it’s not affordable and I don’t regard it as a priority anyway.

Do you know any of your neighbours? >> No.

Do you ever shop online? If yes, which stores? >> Sure, Etsy and Amazon and the like. Sometimes other places.

Are there any animals or insects that absolutely scare you? >> Probably, but I can’t think of any right now.

If you could have absolutely anything right now, what would you want? >> I’m fine.

What is the most stupid thing you have ever heard anybody say? >> I don’t know.

Are you allergic to anything? >> Nope.

Have you ever done anything that would be considered illegal? >> Yep.

Did you ever go to kindergarten? >> I did, for half a year. (I started out in pre-K at the typical age, and then halfway through the year they were like “this kid is too advanced for pre-K so we’ll just bump them up to the kindergarten class now” and that’s how I ended up being consistently younger than my peers for the rest of my school career.)

Did you/do you like school? When did you/will you graduate? >> I did not enjoy school. I graduated in 2004.

How do you handle a situation you desperately want to get out of? >> It really depends on the situation. For most of them I just find my way out (I’ve definitely straight-up walked out of places before, in the middle of things, because I couldn’t deal with it.)

Who is the weirdest person you have ever met? >> I don’t know.

Would you say your family is ordinary or somehow crazy? >> I don’t know how ordinary they are. I will say, if they’re ordinary, then that’s pretty depressing.

If a stranger asked for money, would you give them any? >> Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

What do you think of 90s girl- and boybands? >> I like some of them.

What about today's pop music? >> I like some of it.

Do you enjoy any form of art? >> Of course.

What would be absolutely the worst job ever? >> I don’t know.

Do you need a daily caffeine fix? >> No.

Are you a Pepsi or a Coca-Cola person? >> Neither.

Are you a cake or a bisquit (cookie) person? >> Neither.

Do you see the positive or the negative side of things mostly? >> I’m more inclined to optimism than pessimism, unless I’m depressed.

Do you ever boycott anything popular? >> No.

Do you still live with your parents or have you flown out of the nest? If you've flown out of the nest, when did you move out from home? >> I left home the first time at 17, and officially left at 18.

Do you live on your own or with someone else/do you share a room? >> I live with Sparrow.

How old is the eldest member of your family? >> I don’t know, probably in their mid-eighties or early nineties.

Who in your entire family do you get along with the best? >> ---

Do you enjoy reading books? >> Yes.

Or do you prefer magazines? >> I also like those, I just read them much less frequently.

What do you think is the biggest waste of time? >> I don’t know, I don’t really think of things like that.

What is the most disgusting thing you've eaten? >> I’m not sure. Hospital food? Ha. (The two hospitals I stayed in in North Carolina had pretty good food for being hospitals, though, I must say.)

Do you still have any of the stuffed animals you had as a child? >> Nope. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to still have stuff from childhood.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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thisweekingundamwing · 6 years

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TWIGW February 11 - 17th

Happy Sunday Gundam Wing Fandom!

We have some super awesome things for you to check out this week! Many many thanks to those who submitted and tagged us in content - it makes our job so much easier! Especially with the archiving happening on AO3! If you’ve created something we missed, please feel free to let us know so we can feature you too!

Remember, if you find something you love, please please make sure you let the creator know how much you enjoyed it! Every little comment/like/reblog goes a long way towards fueling their desire to do more!

Thank you for all that you do, and keep submitting your great content to us!

-Mod CB

Fanfiction:

A Little Piece of Gundam Wing

The archive is being ported to AO3! Check it out!

@ahsimwithsake

Fickle Faithful

Heero-centric, implied future 1x5x3. This might grow into something more.

Late entry for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

Rated T for swearing

Amberly

Knife in Hand

When Duo learns there's a hit out on him, he turns to the only person in Chicago he believes capable of helping him. But will the cost of the Broker's help be too high?

Pairings: 2x3, past (underage) 6x2, past 1x3

Warnings: Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Consent Issues, Organized Crime, Assassination, child trafficking, Past Abuse, Federal Agents, Abuse of Power, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Gender Issues

Amberly with @yourbloodlikewine

In This Light

Duo spent the last semester working in his older brother's coffee shop. He's resigned himself to a boring spring when a stranger appears, shaking up his entire life. Eli left home last fall, choosing to spend the last six months living out of his van on his travels from the Midwest to the East Coast. By the time he arrives at Ink's, the novelty of traveling alone has started to wear off. Still, the last thing he's expecting is to meet someone who's going to change all that for him

Pairings: 2xOMC, 3xOMC, Solo x OMC,

Warnings: Rape/Noncon, Original Characters - Freeform, Alternate Universe, child abuse mention, Sexual Assault Mention, homophobic parents, Re-Written Characters, Drug Use, Violence, off screen murder, gratuitous author indulgence

@anaranesindanarie

Cocktail Friday

Cocktail Friday drabbles.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: bar, diplomats, Russian accent

Death Unspeaking

What happens when a Gundam Pilot is mute? What happens when the other Pilots look down at him because of it? Will he overcome the odds or will the odds overcome him? For Manny who encouraged me to work on this.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage

Designation01

War Tactics

Heero's perception leads to an interesting discovery: Duo Maxwell avoids mirrors. An introspective ficlet that aims to explore using BDSM and possible lack of body autocracy to overcome self-image issues.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Mirrors, Body Image, Body Horror, Hand Jobs, NightmaresComfort, Emotional Discomfort, Control Issues, Complete

@duointherain

To Be Human is to Love

Duo and Heero are working a damaged part of their new colony, things go wrong.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Spaced

EclipseMage

Broken and Bloodthirsty

Duo is terrible-awful at coping. Quatre gets the brunt end of it after a reckless mission-gone-wrong.

Pairings: none

Warnings: Pilot angst, Physical fight ensues, Underage Drinking

flamingofics (hey @idkmybffflamingo is this you? let us know!)

Will You Have Me?

Duo returns from a Preventers mission on the fourteenth of February. Trowa takes the opportunity to attempt to confess his feelings for him.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: Fluff and Angst, Confessions, Misunderstandings, Gundam Wing Valentine's Day Fan Exchange

Gift fic for @claraxbarton from a GW Valentine’s Day exchange in 2016

Ginnybag

Past Tense

'Milliardo.... I'll be waiting on the other side....' A quarter of a century after the fight at MOII, the Epyon System follows the last command given by its maker, returning him to where he will, once again, be needed. But 25 years is a long time and the world he left behind is not the one he wakes in, and fighting to be more than the ghost that he has become to his friends and family may be one battle Treize Khushrenada really cannot win.

Pairings: 6x13, 3x11, 5xMariemaia, 4xR, 2xDorothy, 13,OMC

Warnings: Newtypes, POLITICS!, Sanc, Past Heero/Relena, Past Treize/OFC, Past Treize/OMC, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Parents & Children, Discussions of Politics/War/Abuse/Sex, References to Drugs, Romefeller Foundation, Mentions of Past Nastiness, ZERO System, Canon - to a point

Poison Seven - A Thousand Words

Part 7 of Poison

Pairings: 6x13

Warnings: none listed

Wild Roses: Cold Comfort

December AC 191: Six months after creation, Treize's new Wing is rapidly gathering a reputation as the best of the best. A routine patrol in space cements Zechs's status as an Ace and leaves Treize injured, revealing the depths of his religious beliefs. As the 10th Anniversary of the Fall of Sanc combines with the fallout, Leia begins to doubt her husband, Lady Une summons the Zodiac to form, and Noin earns her wings. On Christmas Eve, Treize marks his 21st with a mission he did not expect, culminating in professional triumph and personal revelation for both men.

Pairings: 6xOMC, 6xOtto, 13x11, 13xLeia Barton, 6xOttoxOMC, 13x6, 6x9

Warnings: Nuclear-powered suits, The Duchess of Richmond's Ball, Medical Euthanasia

JunaAzumi

Aún existen los príncipes azules

Trowa sabia que habia separado a los 5 pilotos pero no se arrepentia de nada.

4x5

Bailemos hasta que se acabe el mundo

Quién puede tener una cena en medio de una guerra? Quatre y Heero te darán la respuesta

1x4

Quatre vs Duo

Los chicos se van de vacaciones a Playa del Carmen, Quatre y Duo compiten por las atenciones de Heero ¿Quién ganara?

1x4

Quiero Acordarme de ti

Resumen: Quatre encontró a Trowa, estaba preparado para cualquier cosa menos menos para lo que encontró 04x03 escena perdida del capitulo 38

3x4

facetiousfutz

Short Oneshot Requests

Occasionally I open the floor to short fic and drabble requests on my personal Dreamwidth account (same username, if you want access), and these are the fills I've deemed worthy of lurking eyes. I have a ton of fandoms. This will focus heavily on humor pieces and M/M and F/F ships, with some exceptions. If any archive warnings ever apply, I will make a note of it in the beginning.

Multiple fandoms/pairings, please see chapter specific warnings

All characters underage in canon are aged up accordingly in smut fics

@kangofu-cb

If You Let Me

If Trowa could give the new residents one rule for surviving the ICU, it would be ‘Don’t Touch Anything. (Especially The Patients.)’. In reality, he’d actually give them a lot of rules, possibly with diagrams for clarity. But his main rule essentially covered the bases. When you worked in one of the largest ICUs, in the biggest medical center in the country, at a hospital known for taking on unstable patients for the most complex and risky surgeries that were performed no-where else, new residents were a menace. Until he meets Dr. Maxwell, the newest anesthesia resident.

Pairings: 2x3, background HxD

Warnings: Alternate Universe - Medical, Doctor/Patient, Nurses & Nursing, Fluff and Smut, this is literally my feel good thing guys ok, I mean I'm not saying there won't be any angst, but basically this is all WAFF

@ladyjstruth-blog

Going Home

Quatre has a secret that comes out unexpectedly and now everyone has to deal with the fallout. The news is hardest on Trowa, who still loves him, even after years of breaking up.

Pairings: 3x4

Warnings: Drama and Romance, Post-Canon

Lil_1337

2018 Comment Fic_Feburary

Drabbles and short fics written for the Live Journal community Comment Fics which can be found here: http://comment-fic.livejournal.com

Multiple fandoms/pairings, please see chapter specific warnings

Maldoror

The Source of All Things

Center, a planet where magic and technology blend. Or more accurately, fight tooth and nail. A planet of Sources, holes in our boring dimension letting through arcane power, chaos and pseudo-deities. In this hot-house of myths and very real dangers, Trowa and Quatre find a mysterious man at the end of a shamanic voyage. Portents suggest this Heero Yuy is crucial to Center’s survival. He’s important enough to have some interesting enemies after him, at any rate: a devious killer and thief called ‘Shinigami’, and a very irate Dragon. Beyond them looms an even greater threat. Indeed, the greatest of them all.

Pairings: 3x4, 2x5, eventual 1x2x5

Warnings: alternative universe, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Plot Twists, fairly graphic depiction of sex, Mild description of self-harm, Mathematical Magic, weird science, crones - Freeform, Magic and Technology brawling and eventually screwing, Eventual Threesome, Kinda, Insanity of arcane origin, The universe is a pile of marbles and other dubious allegories

Two Halves

The two kingdoms of Sanq and Lin were at war for years; a conflagration involving magic, armies and political murder. The conflict left both nations devastated and strewn with refugees. The king of Sanq finds his infant son, lost at birth, among the death and the ruin, a miracle he barely dared to hope for. But there isn't just one boy, there are two, clinging together like two halves of a whole that cannot be separated. Decades later, the truth behind that second child’s existence will put a hole in the world, or possibly save it.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Fantasy AU, medieval setting with magic, starts with our heroes as children, Cousin Incest, sort of, eventually, being royalty this is in fact the norm and rather expected of them, Canon-Typical Violence

Shinohoshi13

By Demons Be Driven

For years she struggled to live, burdened by a long-forgotten past, an unclear present, and a non-existent future. War consumes her life, forcing her to live as if every day is her last. Fate has seen fit to gift her with unnatural abilities far beyond the normal human capacity. With those abilities, she leads a daily game of tag, putting her life on the line over and over again. Will a chance meeting with a young man give this tired young woman the will to keep fighting? And with the war escalating higher and higher, will she have the time to find out who, and what, she really is?

Pairings: 5xOFC, background 1x2, 3x4, 6x13, unrequited Rx1

Warnings: Relena bashing, Adult Content, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Crude Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Strong Language, Torture, Violence, Psychological Horror, Magical Realism

Sol1056

Tetractys

In a reality where Kushrenada won, the five gundam pilots live a half-life, effectively prisoners. An unexpected chance at freedom may let them regain what they'd lost, but it also means a return to battle. Some things, once lost, cannot be regained. | Significant rewrite of original version.

Pairings: 4x5, 1xR

Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multiple Universes Colliding, Post-Canon, Mecha, Alternate Reality, War, Politics, Rebellion, Slow Burn, Accelerated humanity, Paranormal skills, Butchered scientific theory, Global warfare, Significant battle scenes, Mecha reduxes, Multiple Pairings, Female gundam pilots

Thai_Tea_Addict

Wolves and Lambs

On the cusp of war, Remus Lupin discovers he has a son. Facing a prejudiced wizarding world unwilling to believe Voldemort has returned, Remus must now navigate his duties as both a member of the Order and as a father to one Duo Maxwell. Duo doesn't know a lot about families, but he knows war. HP Fifth Year, Post-GW main series

Pairings: 1x2, 2xHP, 3x4, Romione

Warnings: Harry Potter crossover, Family Reconstruction Act, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Politics, Wizarding Politics, War, Disturbing Themes

@vegalume

Ellion - Book 1

Set in a world where one mad man tries to rule all and destroy the last traces of magic, one young man must overcome a life filled with war and death in order to save those he holds dear.

1x2, 13x11

A/U, Fantasy, Angst, Mpreg, Character Death

Snippets:

@chronicwhimsy

WIP Wednesday - Post-canon 2xR snippet for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

@kangofu-cb

We Won’t - AU RxH snippet for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

@lifeaftermeteor

LAM!verse snippet featuring Relena on the Warpath

@remsyk-blog

Thrill of the Chaste - AU 2x3, HxR Amish Romance for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

@terrablaze514

Flu Aftermath Writing Prompt

@thefallenstar-treizekhushrenada

Valentine’s Day drabble about cake, 13x11

Photo Edits/Manipulations

@zechs

Incorrect Zechs Quote

Headcanons / Meta / Discussions:

Multiple Contributors

Self-Destruct suit discussion

@gundamwing-ellesmith

Otakon’s Gundam Wing Panel thoughts

Fanart:

@arubees

Heero and Duo

@cree8ions

Dorothy Catalonia

@hainekoken

Heero Yuy

@hasuyawwn

Duo Maxwell

@noelleian

Quatre Raberba Winner

Trowa Barton

Sally Po

@outofworkshinigami

Duo twin commission for @anaranesindanarie

@oxymoronicidiosyncrasy

Heero Yuy

Duo Maxwell

@rockmandash2

Duo Maxwell

Duo Maxwell sketch

@vegalume

Taste the Rainbow

@versari-arts

Hilde Schbeiker

@xan-drei

Heero and Duo from LAM!verse, commission for @lifeaftermeteor

Cosplays:

@18thcenturylove

Duo Maxwell

Calendar Events:

Cocktail Friday

https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/

A new prompt every Monday!

Submissions should be posted Fridays between 3 and 5pm EST, and tagged with @gwcocktailfriday

Interview with a Creator by @remsyk-blog @interview-with-a-creator

Remsyk has created an online interview for fandom creators to fill out and then she features one each week so that everyone in the fandom can learn a bit about each other.

If you haven’t filled out her interview, go! do! now!

Honorable Mention:

@kangofu-cb was mentioned by AO3 Admin as a winner in the 2018 Feedback Fest Challenge, and won a prize! Thanks to everyone who recc’d something on their post as part of the challenge! Over 500 fanworks (in total, not just Gundam Wing) were mentioned as part of the challenge! And special thanks to @terrablaze514 for bringing this to the attention of the mods!

#twigw #this week in gundam wing #february 11th - 17th

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