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#I can't tag everything mentioned in these responses
neteyamssyulang · 2 days
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☽ Forbidden Moonlight ☽
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Adult lo’ak art belongs to cinetrix <3
☽ Pairing: T'ahtu (Male yautja) x Fem human reader x Adult Lo’ak ☽
☽ Instead of heading the warnings, you chose to go out anyway. Now you must pay the price ☽
☽ Warnings: Non-con/Dub-con, Dark, Size difference, P in V, Dom T’ahtu, Sub reader, Dom Lo’ak, Belly buldge, Mentions of blood, Creampie, Implied somnophilia.
☽ Word count: 2,133 ☽
☽ Translation(s);
Na’vi: onvä'wll -> skunk palm, vrrtep -> demon, sevin -> pretty, tawtute -> human, syep'an -> lift vine.
Yautja: ooman -> human.
☽ A/N: Soo I’m still not sure about this but I wanted to post it anyway.
☽ Tagging: @ikeyniofthetayrangi @itchaboi-itchyboy @aria-tempest @anemonelovesfiction @loaksulluyswife @tallulah477 @shifting-questions @sinful-tawtute @bambithewriter
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Tonight was the night, the annual blood moon and it would just so happen that this blood moon was special. Yes it brought out the na'vi's more feral side but this particular night another creature would make an appearance.
No one knows what it is, all they know is that it comes from a planet light years away and loves the thrill of the hunt. Every couple thousand years, the creature would travel to pandora in search of something worthy to take as a trophy.
This creature knows to respect the balance of eywas creations, which is why it only hunts and captures one prize.
Little did you know that prize would be you.
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"Your not going, end of story" Norm spoke, crossing his arms. You had asked him if you could go on a walk just to collect some fruit you were craving. Eclipse hasn't even started yet so you would be fine, atleast you hope you would be.
Huffing you began to protest till Spider walked past, chuckling to himself after seeing Norm finally tell you no. Norm rolled his eyes knowing all too well what was going to happen,"Why does this make a wish Tarzan get to go out but I can't?!"
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Norm shook his head "He is more responsible and knows the forest y/n." Spider turned around putting on a fake pout "Aw, is the little girl mad because she's too fragile to go ou-" , "Spider do not finish that sentence!" Norm spoke firmly, trying to not make the matters worse.
"You know damn well when I do get the chance to go out I'm much more safer than him!" You shouted at Norm, it was true though. Your brother always found a way to get himself into danger whereas you were careful and made sure to avoid certain areas.
"Safer or just smelly to where everything and everyone avoids you like the plague? You wonder why your still single and yet you continue to rub that horrid stuff onto your skin when you go out" he mumbled, getting some yovo slices in a bowl then walked to his room closing the door.
Norm sighed, placing a hand on your shoulder "Please angel, tonight is not the night you wanna go out. Maybe tomorrow though" he gave a soft smile then returned back to his desk, finishing up some work that Grace had assigned to him.
Screw what they said, you could easily make it to the gathering spot and back before the blood moon started, right?..
Maybe also pick up some more onvä'wll since you were out.
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You made your way quickly through the forest, towards where the gathering spot was. Upon arriving though you were greeted by the sweet yovu smell, and quickly got to work with picking atleast a few from the bush.
Once you had enough, you quickly started making your way back home. Sure you could try going further out for the onvä'wll but it was risky, if you had left sooner maybe you could've gotten them.
Eclipse had begun, with now the blood moon shining bright in the sky. Your senses were on high alert, knowing that if you made one wrong move you'd be dead.
The forest looked like something out of a horror movie, instead of the usual beautiful glow, everything was red. The only sounds you could hear were various clicking noises that sounded as if they were getting closer and closer each passing second.
Feeling as if you were being watched, you made a beeline for the outpost when something jumped down from the trees infront of you.
"Well well, what do we have here?" Lo'ak chuckled darkly, stepping closer. Instinctively you took a step back making him smirk "Aw, the little vrrtep thinks she can get away that easily."
The clicking noises were louder now, a branch snapping behind you had you turning around quickly, only to be met with a creature. This..this had to be the creature that you heard about..
It was tall, taller than the omaticaya boy making you reach only up to his stomach. Long locs fell past its shoulders and it's eyes glowed like amber. Lo'ak crept up behind you, coiling his tail around your waist as he glared at the creature.
The mysterious alien clicked its mandibles again, almost as if it was trying to communicate with you.
One part of you is aroused to be between two giant men, but the rational side reminds you that one only wants pleasure while the other wants a prize.
"Lo'ak please.. just let me go and I won't tell anyone I promise" you pleaded with him, Lo'ak only looked down at you raising a brow "Oh? you think you have a say in this little girl?"
"You are ours to claim, ours to ruin, it does not matter if you want it or not baby. You'll take everything we give you like a good slut."
His gaze moves back to the other creature, giving it a simple nod while holding you still. The predator looks down to his wrist, fiddling with something on it. The sound of a small hiss escapes the item and he pulls out a little metal disk, your brows furrow "Wh-what's that?"
Lo'ak's left hand went to grip onto your hip while his right moves up to your throat, forcing you to turn your head to the side. The predator steps closer, reaching his reptilian hand out and places the disk behind your ear.
A scream leaves your lips at the burning pain coursing through your skull, it felt as if you were being stabbed by a thousand hot needles.
Soon enough a deep voice fills your ear making you jump slightly "Good, the pretty ooman can understand me now."
Lo'ak releases his hold on you, shoving your body to the ground. Gulping, you back up in fear making both men amused. The omaticaya crouched down then moved closer, leaning in close to your ear whispering only one thing;
"Run”
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Your lungs burned as you ran for what seemed like forever, they were playing with you, letting you think you could get away just so they could take that hope away from you.
Loud clicks and yips filled the night air, slowly getting closer and closer. In the distance you saw what looked to be like a cave and made your way towards it, hoping you could atleast be safe there.
The cave was eerie and smelled musty the further you went inside, turning a corner you saw a pink glow from what looked to be a rib plant. Unfortunately though you couldn't open it from this end as it was facing away, looking around more you finally mange to spot a syep'an.
Walking over you tugged on the syep'an, causing it to lift you up just as soon as you heard footsteps entering the cave. Quickly you ran and hid in a small space between two rocks, surely they couldn't get you here.
"Come out come out little one" T'auth taunted,"You can't hide from us baby, we will find you" Lo'ak chimed in, a dark chuckle leaving him as he and T'auth began looking for you.
You could hear their footsteps getting closer, the predators clicks sending shivers down your spine.
Suddenly everything went quiet, the footsteps were gone. Confused, you were about to move out of your hiding spot when a long scaly arm appeared, grabbing at you.
Screaming, you tried moving farther back but you couldn't. T'auth grabbed your leg, pulling you out from your spot "What a pretty little thing" he murmured, using one of his sharp claws to tear your clothes to shreds, leaving you completely exposed under his hungry gaze.
"I bet she tastes as good as she looks" Lo'ak purred from behind you, T'auth layed on his stomach draping your thighs on his huge shoulders "Only one way to find out" he smirked before diving in.
T'auth was ruthless, his long tongue licked from your entrance to your clit where he sucked on the small nub, sending shivers down your spine.
His mandibles gently scraped across the flesh of your thighs as he feasted on you. Your moans echoed throughout the cave, as much as you didn't want this there was nothing you could do except take it.
You were at the mercy of two huge aliens who could kill you at any given second, especially the one who's head was between your legs right now.
The predator reluctantly pulled away, only to let Lo'ak take his spot, but Lo'ak didn't want to waste anymore time. He was already dying to feel your pretty tawtute pussy wrapped around his cock, moving his tewng to the side he groaned as his cock slapped against his stomach. Beautiful patterns of tanhì scattered across his throbbing length.
Your eyes widened at the sheer size and girth of him, no..no that was never going to fit, it couldn't! You tried to scoot back but T'auth was right behind you, he held you against him while his massive arms hooked under your legs, keeping you spread for the other alien.
Grinning, Lo'ak crawled forward "What's wrong mamas? Afraid of a little alien cock?" He teased.
Before you could answer, Lo'ak had already notched his tip at your entrance, a small "Keep her still" left his lips as he thrusted his entire length inside you.
Lo'ak grunted, feeling your tight walls try to adjust around his cock. For him it felt so heavenly, his ears lay flat against his head while his eyes were squeezed shut.
For you though- it felt like you had just been impaled. The stretch to accommodate him hurt like a bitch to where tears were freely flowing down your face.
Did they care? Absolutely not.
Lo'ak rutted into you like his life depended on it, coaxing out noises not even you thought you could make. "Sh-shit mamas.. keep gripping me like that.." he moaned, sharp nails digging into your sides drawing blood.
You couldn't speak at all, all you could think about was how good he felt inside you. It felt wrong yes but felt oh so good too.
Meanwhile the one behind you licked a small stripe along the nape of your neck, a purr rumbling through his chest at the mewl you let out.
The na'vi's hand suddenly pressed down on your stomach, a moan like scream echoed through the cave as you came gushing around the thick cock inside you.
Lo'ak groans loudly at the feeling of your walls clenching tightly around him, the sensation pushing him over the edge and making him release inside you, so much so that it causes a small buldge to form in your tummy.
Slowly he stills his hips, still trying to catch his breath. "See? That wasn't so bad" he chuckled breathlessly, now pulling out.
You glared up at him, your breath coming out in short pants as the two men switched positions. Lo'ak was now behind you, his hands rubbing your sides, claws gently scraping your skin while T'auth made his way between your plush thighs.
His amber eyes locked onto your own as he shoved his cock inside your abused hole, Lo’aks cum acting as lube so T’auth can just slide inside perfectly.
You yelped tried to squirm but it was no use, Lo’ak had a firm grip on your sides while this other brute was nestled between your thighs.
With each thrust he delivered, punched out moans fell from your lips. Your head dipped back, resting against Lo’aks chest as you neared your second climax of the night.
T’auth didn’t talk much but gods was he vocal, he threw your legs over his shoulders while dipping his head back in pleaure. Grunts and moans filled the cave along with your mewls.
“Pleasepleaseplease..” you slurred, looking up at the alien through half lidded eyes. Lo’ak only scoffed, rolling his eyes “You beg for him but not me?”
You didn’t have the words to reply back, T’auth was hitting all the right spots inside you that Lo’ak couldn’t. Your mind felt like mush at that moment, not even registering Lo’aks words anymore.
T’auth couldn’t hold back any longer, his mandibles opened wide and a piercing screech left his throat as he buried himself to the hilt, shooting his seed deep inside your womb.
Lo’ak hissed from the loud screech, his ears slightly ringing. Your own body seized as your climax was triggered, the alien grunted feeling you tighten around him.
Just as your vision was going black, a voice whispered in your ear;
“Sleep if you want sevin tawtute, that won’t stop us from fucking your cute little body though”
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sharkapology · 1 year
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Heavily inspired by this post.
Your fear/disgust for an animal does not determine it's worth. All animals exist for a reason.
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corfisers · 5 months
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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clotpolesonly · 10 months
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OCD Declan Lynch is anybody with me on this
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burinazar · 1 year
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weh ;w; the small group chat i threw together to unite people who were into some characters/an arc that didn't seem to have that many english speaking fans now has people from (off the top of my head) the US, Spain, Italy, France, Britain, Russia and Germany. worldwide union over tragic faves
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r0bee · 2 years
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Guess who managed to turn their headphones off with the fiddly little button whilst the joints in their hands were completely locked up
Not to flex but it was meeeee
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mono-dot-jpeg · 6 months
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boy failures for u - i. yoichi, s. nagi, s. ryusei, b. meguru
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summary; in which some boys just love you so much, they simply can't function
genre/extra tags; scenarios, fluff, comedy, projecting my love for dog energy boys, they're so pathetic /pos, bachira is clumsy, ryusei is an embarrassingly horny dude (can confirm, he gets no bitches, absolutely ZERO play!!), nagi... is perfect as he is, yoichi,,,, is just socially awkward around people he has a crush on
[gender neutral reader]
a/n; look at me being fancy this one panel banner, slay. tbh i couldn't think of a good three photos to use for it so i tried this which is kind of nice. anyways i had a sudden thought hit me and it must be done. and what better anime to write for than the one where everyone has unexplainable gay tension between each other. i swear im as caught up as possible i think and i swear the gay tension is like,, crazy.
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isagi yoichi is endearing. he's so bad at being normal around you. his face flushed a cute red, and his words barely managing to leave his mouth as you talk to him so sweetly. he doesn't know how to handle a crush. and it's so cute to tease him because he just doesn't know how to respond properly.
the times where he does manage to gain enough confidence to talk a conversation with you, he's never taking the lead in any of them. he's talking [somewhat] normally to you, answering your questions and [attempting] to reply to your thoughts and responses. of course, just don't flirt with him too hard. there's like a 50 percent chance he will understand it or not.
he can't even admire you correctly. when he attempts to give you a compliment, he's saying all the wrong words and apologizing profusely like he offended your entire bloodline. he's so utterly enchanted by you, he wonders if you're an angel sent just for him.
"you're so nice, y/n." "huh?" "i-i mean you're really cute! wait- i didn't mean that! fuck- not that i don't think you look cute! you're really a great person, you know?! sorry! i'm just gonna go back to practice...!"
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nagi seishiro is so lazy that you can't help but watch over him. you understand why reo adores him (a little too much). he's a boy with pretty privilege and talent. he talks to you with such honesty that he unintentionally flirts with you. he doesn't know a lot of things well, but even he's had his fair share with understanding liking people (but that's only with the random dating sims he's tried).
when he manages to get on his feet, whether it's for a soccer match or you, he's stuck by you like a cute koala. he whines about everything being "too much of a hassle." but he finds himself walking around looking for you, no matter how far you are. he whines to you about how he had to get up to find you, and he's cuddling close to you. his mouth turned into his signature X shape as he pouts at you, annoyed that you just had to be away from him for more than a minute.
he tries so hard to be around you but at the cost of his laziness, he mutters to you about how much easier it would be if you just stay with him all the time like his purple-haired companion or his cactus pet. he fell for you first, but he makes it so easy for you to fall harder.
"why do you always have to do stuff?" "it's my job, sei." "you should just stay with me all the time. you take care of me so well."
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shidou ryuusei is annoyingly desperate for you. if isagi was endearing, shidou was insolent. he speaks before he thinks. he has no shame in chasing after you. it's quite a feat that you haven't even shooed him away as much as sae has. you sort of find a friend in sae because of that. he always rolls his eyes when you mention him. he wonders why you keep being around the blonde jock, and you tell him, "who doesn't love a pathetic man?"
when he talks to you, he just can't read a room with you in it. he's the type of guy to say "this shot is for you." and it hits the goal post and then to his face. of course he'd never actually miss in a real match but i can guarantee that it would happen during a practice match. he unintentionally humiliates himself every time he tries to be cool. if sae is there, it's even worse. he's trying to bump up the flirting up to a 200 and failing miserably to woo either of you.
he's like those tweets where it's like, "how did i pull them? easy. i just went, PLEASEPLEAPLSEPWPLEAPLELA-". without fail, he basically tries to re-enact that but he doesn't even pull you because you'd much rather wait for him to actually be a decent man and grow the rest of his brain. though it doesn't seem he'll learn his lesson anytime soon.
"did i ever tell you how hot you look right now?" "yes. you have. multiple times. today." "please go out with me." "no."
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bachira meguru is confusing. he's clingy, blunt, teasing, a little stupid but has the spirit, and an absolute cutie. he's passionate about what he likes. and surprise, surprise, he likes you. he's an infodumper but you don't mind at all. but sometimes those talks take a hard left into just telling you how much he likes you. you better hope you're strong because he will be jumping on you for a hug.
when he's just buzzing with excitement, he can't help but scramble by your side to cling onto you in any way that you will allow him to. he's not as boy failure as the others on this list because even when he fails to capture your heart, he's still succeeding in his book. he loves when you give him any sliver of attention. that's probably his thing as a boy failure. he is a hyper and needy dog who's too big to cuddle with but doesn't care. and you can't say no because then they just stare at you with those big eyes until you cave.
he's the type of guy to be confused when people ask if you're dating him and you say no. "what do you mean we're not dating? i thought this was the dating." he's never actually confessed, but he considers his "s-tier affection" to be confession enough. but he's kind of coward whether he realizes it or not. he's scared to actually say that he wants to be yours, but that's like an angsty story for another time, SO SHUT.
"what if we kissed? like right now?" "but we're not dating, meguru." "we're not? we should." "i'll think about it." "no think! just do!"
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haunted-xander · 10 months
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Since people seem to really like my vision requirements illustrations, I figured I could elaborate on my theories/headcanons!
(EDIT: Since people keep mentioning it in the tags of the illust. post, so just to be clear, I am well aware Archons don't hand out visions personally😅 it IS however heavily implied they have a subconcious effect on who gets one, even if they have no active say. It's why no electro visions where granted during Inazumas vision hunt decree, for example)
Anemo: Purpose.
Anemo users have been unsure or hesitant about how to live their lives or what to do at some point, but all ended up finding something to strive for. Venti found purpose in rebuilding Mondstadt after Decarabian fell, to make the nation a place that the nameless bard would've loved to live in.
Jean found purpose as the Dandelion Knight, Xiao found purpose in serving Morax, Wanderer found purpose in freedom etc. Everyone has something they find fullfilment in.
Geo: Determination.
Geo users have a set path and/or ideal they live by, something they will not budge on no matter what. Zhongli is solid on his contracts, the written word is law and cannot be allowed to go broken, regardless of circumstances. His path is one of mutual agreement and fairness, to ensure everyone and everything gets their due.
Ningguang walks the path of Liyue's pillar, Noelle walks the path of self-improvement, Itto walk the path of acceptance etc. They are determined in their ways and will not bend them.
Electro: Protection.
Electro users all have something/someone they hold dear, and will do anything to ensure it's safety and longevity. Ei loved her sister more than anything else, and would've done anything to keep her safe and alive. Her actions in Inazuma was her terribly misguided way of "protecting" it from erosion, to keep the nation her sister loved so much in prosperity in her place.
Sara wants to protect her people, Keqing wants to protect Liyue's prosperity, Fischl wants to protect her imagination and fantasies etc. They hold things close to their heart and will do anything to protect it.
Dendro: Understanding.
Dendro users are seekers of knowledge and wisdom, wishing to understand the world around them and all that lives in it. Nahida wants to understand people, for wisdom means nothing when it can't be put to practice. People aren't something that can easily be comprehended by textbook knowledge, they must be observed extensively first-hand to even begin to understand.
Baizhu wants to understand the secrets of immortality, Kirara wants to understand human society, Collei wants to understand how to help others etc. They earnestly search for ways to expand their world.
Hydro: Duty.
Hydro users tend to have a strong sense of responsibility and personal principles they live by. We don't know enough about Furina to say for sure what her deal is right now, but I speculate her duty is closely connected to the Heavenly Principles, and that she views herself as Celestia's "executioner" so to speak.
Ayato's duty is to the yashiro commision, Candace's duty is to the desert-dwellers, Childe's duty is to the Tsaritsa etc. They have solid loyalties and set principles they work by.
Pyro: Passion.
Pyro users are full of love and passion for what they do, dedicating themselves whole-heartedly to their chosen field. We know very little about Murata, so it's hard to say what she's like. As the God of War I assume she has a passion for battle? Who knows.
Yoimiya is passionate about fireworks, Bennett is passionate about adventuring, Diluc is passionate about defending Mondstadt etc. They have a profound love of life and what is in it.
Cryo: Contradiction.
Cryo users are at odds with themselves, rife with inner conflicts and clashing desires. The Tsaritsa is described as an archon with no love for her people, and has been noted to have grown cold post-cataclysm. Her harbingers, most notably Childe, say otherwise, though. She's not unloving, but she is disillusioned and vengeful. Her hatred for Teyvat and Celestia is at odds with her love of her people.
Rosaria is conflicted with her lifestyle(s), Ayaka is conflicted with her status and wants, Kaeya is conflicted with his loyalties etc. They are torn by irreconcilable opposites.
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irisintheafterglow · 7 months
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if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom
summary: the strawhats are summoned back to baratie so sanji can cook for a high-class diner. they can't figure out why zoro is so nervous. (opla!zoro x you)
wc: 2k
cw/tags: swearing, mentions of food and eating, established relationship, pet names (sweetheart, doll, lover, pretty), spoilers if you squint, sanji being himself and zoro having absolutely none of it
note: this was requested by an anon a few weeks ago and i finally got around to writing it!! every time i write for zoro, i have a new favorite fic i've made because he's just so fun to write for. hope you enjoy!!
likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated <3
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“You know, they’re a lot hotter in person.”
“Shut your mouth, waiter, or I’ll skewer it closed,” he mutters with palpable distaste. Another swig of rum burns down his throat and, for the first time that the crew can remember, Zoro seemed nervous. It wasn’t obvious, but they’d sailed long enough to know that he never stopped surveying a room for threats, no matter how familiar he was with it. Today, though, the only thing that took his attention was the rim of his glass and he was subtly avoiding the eyes of the crew’s target. “This is the dumbest idea you’ve had in a long time.” 
“Thank you for your input, Zoro. I will, however, be belaying it,” his captain replies brightly, unfazed by the blank expression of his first mate. The uneasy faces of his crew only makes him beam more, giddily excited for the anticipated challenge. “C’mon, guys. We’ll be fine. They just need to see how awesome we are and they’ll totally give us a new sail!”
“Loud, loud, too loud,” Zoro warns in response to the increasing volume of Luffy’s voice. They were already causing enough of a scene, as is, and he damn sure didn’t want other guests looking in their direction. To make matters worse, the amount of alcohol in the table’s bottle was dwindling too quickly for comfort. 
“Hey, if we’re lucky,” Usopp offers, “we might just get a whole ship. You know, maybe one that Captain Usopp can command as the second ship in the Straw Hat fleet.”
“You think we’ll get a whole fleet?”
“Hell yeah. Maybe, we can all captain our own ships–”
“Alright, let’s get our heads out of the clouds,” Nami cuts in. “We still need to figure out how we’re going to get over there, in the first place. And just for the record, I’m with Zoro on this one.” 
“First time for everything,” he deadpans. She smartly elects to ignore his sarcasm and continues to argue why the plan is a bad idea. The call from Zeff came at an opportune time and during an unfortunate situation when the Merry sailed straight into a torrential thunderstorm that ripped the main sail clean down the middle. Despite their best efforts to patch it up, it was beyond repair; with the Marines constantly on their tail, having a working sail was a matter of survival. Zeff’s reluctant summons for Sanji to cook for a special guest provided a means to buy a new sail and have a little extra spending money. But, in his wildest dreams, Zoro could not have predicted that the special guest was you. The smug look on the chef’s face snaps him out of his thoughts. “Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen, waiter?”
“Shouldn’t you be downing the rest of this bottle, drunk?”
“I’ll smash this damn bottle on your head, I swear–”
“No, no. Zoro has a point,” Luffy agrees. Sanji gives him an odd look and he quickly realizes what his statement insinuated. “Not about smashing the bottle on your head. We need you to bring them your food so then I can go over and talk with them.”
“You don’t think I can charm them on my own?” 
“Don’t look so aghast, blondie,” Zoro answers and receives a knife-sharp glare in response. “This is not someone who will entertain your theatrics.”
“How would you know anything about them, hmm? I believe you’re a little too dead inside for their liking,” Sanji baits and Zoro’s on the verge of biting before Nami steps in again. 
“Sanji, get in the kitchen. Let’s just get the money and get out of here.” Zoro silently thanks her in his head for effectively ridding the chef of the table for the time being. His gratitude turns into a grimace when she turns to him expectantly. “You’re gonna hate me for asking–”
“Then don’t ask,” he finishes. She doesn’t relent. 
“How do you know them? It seems like you’re nervous about being here, but we’ve never met them before as a crew.” Hitting the damn nail on the head. “So, you must’ve met them when you were still hunting down pirates. Am I right?” He grumbles an unreadable response, but the slightly pink shade of his face tells the table everything they need to know. “You’re terrible at covering up secrets.”
“I don’t remember asking.”
“Ah, you’ve got him on the run, now. He’s deflecting,” Usopp chuckles, immediately shutting up when Zoro shoots him a deadly scowl. He hated that all of them were right and would never admit it to save his life. After all this time, seeing you still made his heart rate skyrocket and cause his hands to clam up with boyish nervousness. You were just as beautiful as the last time he saw you, instances that were too few and far between for his own liking. Your father would have a fit if he saw you in such an unregulated environment as Baratie, but he knew that you were safe. As long as you breathed the same oxygen, he vowed no harm would come to you. 
“I met them when I first started hunting,” he admits and the words felt wrong on his tongue. Every nerve in his body was telling him to stop revealing his relationship to you. It didn’t matter if he’d almost died surrounded by his crew; his connection to you was sacred and something he was going to take to his grave. It was mostly for your safety, the late-night sneaking out and stolen displays of affection. In another life, he wouldn’t have to hide you from other hunters that wanted to see him fall. “Their father is a captain in the Marines. When I first met them, they were training with Mihawk. Their father wanted them to be the most feared Marine in the seas.” The jaws of his friends fell to the table and he knew how wild it sounded, a legacy Marine trained by a pirate lord. “But, Mihawk taught them more tricks than just swordfighting and their father fired him on the spot.”
“He taught them sympathy for pirates,” Nami concludes and he nods. “Why are you so shifty around them?” He shrugs half-heartedly and tries to make it look like his face wasn’t on fire.
“Just haven’t seen them in a while,” he states, zeroing in on the blonde asshole waltzing to you with a plate. Your surrounding guards stiffen, hands flying to the weapons at their belts. You, however, roll your eyes and tell them to stand down. He knew you hated going out with security because they were always watching, watching, watching. “Eyes up. The waiter’s making a move.” 
A strange sense of nausea washes over him as he watches you smile politely at Sanji, laughing softly at his jokes and kindly nodding as he explains the dish to you. You trust them, Zoro keeps telling himself. That waiter doesn’t stand a fucking chance. All the reassurances don’t stop his gut from churning when Sanji does his signature lean-down-and-whisper-suggestively into your ear. To his surprise, however, you don’t immediately meet the chef’s eyes. Your attention flicks to Zoro, instead, with a look that he knows all too well. 
Please get me out of this. 
Despite the protests of the table, he’s standing in an instant and walking with his hands on his swords like your guards didn’t even exist. His sight becomes tunnel-vision on nothing but you and he bypasses your guards with ease. Your shoulders relax when he stations himself protectively behind you, much to the confusion of the chef in front of you. As subtle as he can, he rests his hand on the back of your chair, inching closer until he’s just barely touching your shoulder. It’s small, but speaks wonders for his presence. 
“Zoro,” you murmur without looking up, your fingertips brushing against his knuckles. Your touch on his skin after so much time away feels electric.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Sanji stiffens at the term of endearment so easily leaving Zoro’s mouth and you can sense the boost it does for his ego. “Whatcha got there?”
“My new friend was just telling me about the dish he made. He said he crafted it especially for me, with his own hands,” you inform him with a sly sparkle in your eye. His jaw clenches unconsciously. You knew exactly what was going on in Zoro’s mind and he knew it, too. “Apparently, he can work wonders with his hands,” you remark casually and you can hear the chair crack under the force of the swordsman’s hand gripping it. To your delight, Sanji’s face has also taken on a slightly darker shade of red at how crassly you echo his suggestion. And in front of his rival, no less.
“Was he, now?” His tone is lethal and it sends goosebumps up your arms. “Well, it best be time for him to get back in the kitchen, no?”
“Mmm, but he said he had a proposal for me–”
“I had one for you too, though I did ask you in a much finer establishment than this one.” You can’t help the smirk that spreads on your face and you have to look to the side to keep from laughing aloud. Zoro’s jealousy was rearing a very indignant head; you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find it a little hot. “Got that stone on your left hand to prove it.” Sanji’s eyes darted to the band wrapped around your finger, a ring that looked suspiciously like the one hanging from a chain around Zoro’s neck. “Give us some time alone, yeah?” His question becomes rhetorical as he pulls out a chair next to you and tugs your seat closer until you can cross your leg across his. His palm rests possessively over your thigh and the chef gapes for a few moments more before turning back to the kitchen. 
“That goes for all of you, please,” you order your guards without looking at them, absentmindedly tracing Zoro’s jawline with the back of your pointer finger. “Take my bag and buy however many drinks you want. I’m safe,” you state with absolute certainty. Once they’re gone, all you see, feel, and know is him.
“Hi,” he breathes.
“Hi,” you smile just as softly. “What’re you doing in a place like this?”
“I can ask you the same question, pretty.” His eyes shine with nothing but adoration. You forgot just how much you missed him.
“Took a detour to prolong my time at sea. I didn’t want to go home just yet.”
“Your old man’s being an ass again?”
“You know how he is,” you reply. “Why are you here?”
“Believe it or not, that blonde shithead is my crewmate. We’re here to get some extra Berry for a new sail.”
“Sail, hmm? I always knew you had a little pirate in you,” you tease and he sticks his tongue out immaturely. “Heard you fought my esteemed mentor. I don’t know what the hell you were thinking.”
“You don’t think I can beat him?”
“I don’t think I can fathom what will happen if you don’t,” you say quietly, swallowing a lump in your throat. “Don’t do any dumb shit, okay?”
“You’re acting as if I’m already leaving you again.” 
“Aren’t you?” Your smile is sad and it makes his chest ache. When he beat Mihawk and killed your bastard father, he was going to give you the life that you deserved. 
“Not yet,” he promises. “I don’t wanna go yet.”
“I don’t want you to go, either. How much do you need for that sail?” He gives you a number and you don’t even blink. You just nod and reach into your coin purse, fishing around and deciding to just give him the entire pouch. “Will that cover it?”
“Doll–”
“It’s a yes or no question, husband,” you say with lighthearted sternness. He shakes his head in exasperation but can’t hide the grin painting his features. 
“Yes, lover. It���s more than enough.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and you hum in contentment. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
“Of course. D’you mind introducing me to the rest of your crew besides the flirty waiter?”
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bluebeary-jay · 1 year
Text
How easy you are to need
Joel Miller x f!Reader
Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)
Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable
Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌
Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)
A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕
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Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.
He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.
Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.
He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…
Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.
He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.
“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.
“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”
“You left some for me?”
You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.
“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”
“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”
“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”
You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.
“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”
“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”
You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”
Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.
But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.
“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.
“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”
“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”
“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”
You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.
“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”
Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.
So why did he still feel so uncertain?
*****
Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.
Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.
Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.
None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.
Maybe that was the problem.
Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.
But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.
Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.
Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.
You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.
Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.
Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.
As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.
His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.
It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.
You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.
Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.
It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.
For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.
Joel was once, too. Once.
He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.
He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.
Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?
“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”
Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.
“What are you thinking about, handsome?”
He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.
“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”
“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”
“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.
“I'll be right back, baby.”
Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.
He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.
Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.
“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.
You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”
Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.
“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.
“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.
“Probably.”
You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.
“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”
“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”
You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.
“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”
“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.
It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.
“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.
Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.
Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.
Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.
Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.
*****
The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.
He had a couple of them.
The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.
Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.
Well, not anymore.
The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.
You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.
It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.
He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.
Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.
So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.
The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.
He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.
A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.
You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.
But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…
Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.
But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.
Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.
Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.
Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.
But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.
You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.
Maybe he should start exercising.
Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.
With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.
Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…
“You’re quiet.”
Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.
“Sorry.”
“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”
No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.
Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.
“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”
You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.
“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.
“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”
Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.
“You’re gettin’ sappy.”
“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”
“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.
You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.
“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”
Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.
“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”
Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.
Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.
The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.
Old.
Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.
“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”
“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”
You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.
And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.
*****
It had to end.
Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.
If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.
He fucking craved it.
Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.
No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.
But it was a damn torture.
The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.
He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.
Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.
If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.
Christ, he was the worst.
Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.
It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.
Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.
Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.
He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–
“Morning, handsome.”
Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.
You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.
“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.
“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”
“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”
Joel looked at you with surprise.
“What?”
“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”
He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.
But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?
With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.
“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”
Joel didn’t move. “Why?”
You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.
“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”
He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”
Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.
With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.
“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”
“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”
“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”
“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”
“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”
Oh, fuck.
Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.
“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.
“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”
“I…”
I love you, too.
Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?
Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.
A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…
He couldn’t do it.
Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.
“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”
“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”
All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.
“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.
“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”
You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.
For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–
But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.
So he let you in. He let you hold him.
“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”
“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”
“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”
He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.
But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.
He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.
You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.
“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”
Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.
“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”
He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.
“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”
Fuck, man, just say it.
“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”
“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”
Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.
“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”
“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”
Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.
“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”
“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”
Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.
“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”
Joel didn’t know what else to say.
He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.
“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.
You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.
“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”
“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”
“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”
Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.
He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.
“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”
“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”
Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.
And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.
It was so long since he fully let you hold him.
Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.
“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”
Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.
“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”
You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”
“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.
“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”
Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.
“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through. 
“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”
“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”
Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.
“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”
“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.
���So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”
The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.
“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”
“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.
“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”
You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.
“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”
“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”
“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”
God, he loved you so much.
Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.
“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”
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totalswag · 2 months
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bar fun — DREW STARKEY
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authors note thank you lovies for 700+ followers!! forever grateful for you guys and the support you give me. here's a little/not so little drew fic teheh.
summary going out in charleston with the cast after a long week of filming and enjoying your friday night with your friends.
requests open
warnings mentions of drinking, going to a bar, kissing, cussing, and drew being a sweet boyfriend.
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"If you start to feel uncomfortable just let me know, baby" Drew whispered in your ear, placing his hand on your thigh and tapping it a few times as the car drew to a stop in front of the bar.
Turning back with a modest smile on your face, you say, "I will, don't worry," before kissing his cheek.
He smiles. Such a beautiful smile.
Drew's willingness to make you feel at ease is one of the many things you appreciate about him. No matter where you are, he wants you to be comfortable rather than uncomfortable.
After a hard week of filming season four of Outer Banks, the cast decided to spend the evening at one of their favorite bars in Charleston and unwind. You're not a member of the cast, but you tag along whenever there’s an outing.
Downtown was incredibly busy tonight, so the cast will be spotted by many. The plan was to keep close together in case something happened. Security informed Chase that they would have security inside to keep an eye on everyone.
"I can't wait to have a drink," Carlacia groans as she steps out of the SUV and fixes her hair.
"I feel you on that one," Maddie agrees.
Drew pushed you in front of him as he walked through the crowded bar, grabbing your waist with both hands. He made sure to keep you near to him since he didn't want you to leave his sight or be pushed back at random.
Second outing with my very well known boyfriend and I’ma shit my pants.
The moment you walked inside the bar, everyone turned their heads. This is nothing new. When fans greeted them or spoke with excitement, everyone smiled and waved in response which made fans even more excited.
Once you guys got your drinks, you guys started talking about various topics. The guys were in their own little group and girls were in theirs.
You and the girls were talking about going on a week-long girls' getaway this summer. Carlacia brought it up first a few days ago; she always has great ideas.
"I think it would be a lot of fun, and we'll be laying by the beach," Carlacia says, moving her hands in ocean wave motions that make the rest of the girls giggle.
After talking about the girls trip, Madison breaks the silence asking you about going out with Drew in public.
"So, Y/N, how does it feel being in your second outing with Drew?" Madison asked as she swirled her straw in her drink.
“Ooo good question,” Carlacia nudges Madison’s arm softly.
"It's still nerve-racking, but I think the more we go out as a couple, the less nervous I'll be," you explain to your friends, then look in Drew's way; he's chuckling at something JD said.
Drew and you have been together for three months, and the relationship is still fresh. He’s everything you ever dreamed of. The first time you went out as a couple was last month in Los Angeles, to one of your favorite cafes. This is your second outing together.
"I mean, that's completely understandable, Mariah and I were in the same boat when we first started dating," Madison says with a reassuring smile.
“Plus, you two make each other very happy and we all see it,” Maddie nudges in with complete honesty in her voice.
Hearing other people mention how Drew and you make each other happy undoubtedly makes your heart flutter with joy.
"Aw thank you, we always tell each other that we're each others person and the timing of us meeting was perfect" you continue to say.
After forty minutes, you've had two beers and are enjoying your time with your boyfriend and friends. Everyone was having a wonderful time. Fans came over and took pictures with the cast and a few of them took some with you too.
Conversations regarding filming were brought up, but the cast simply said what they were expected to say because Maddie had informed everyone before arriving at the bar that she would not be announcing the release date for season four.
We all know how that went the first time.
Drew's tall body stood behind you, one hand around your waist and the other holding a drink; your back rested on his chest, drink in hand. Every now and again, you'd sway to the music and chuckle.
“How are you feeling?” he asks you softly, only for you to hear.
You raise your free hand to his neck, bringing him down so you can whisper in his ear, "feeling quite great, you?" The sensation of his breath on your skin sent shivers down your spine.
"That makes me feel better, and if you're feeling great, I'm feeling great," he chuckles in your neck before giving you soft kisses, which caused you to giggle in response, so he kept doing it.
The feeling of phones in your direction, capturing the sweet moment between you and Drew.
As Drew pulls away, a bunch of fans appear in front of him, beaming with joy. Everyone then hugs the girls and asks how they are doing. They even requested to give you a hug, which surprised you because this never happens. It felt nice.
"Y/N right?" A fan asks with a smile, putting out her phone to take a picture with you. She wanted to make sure she got your name right, so she asked in this way.
"Yes, that is me. Would you like a picture? You inquire as you tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. That’s the first thing you asked because typically fans come up asking for pictures.
She quickly nods, smiling, then pulls her phone out. You take a couple pictures together and start a conversation.
While having a great talk, you discovered that her mom and your aunt are really close friends. She was even more thrilled to hear about it. A few of her friends joined the chat, and they were all quite nice to you.
Drew appeared behind you, causing the girls to glance up in surprise that Drew Starkey was actually standing in front of them. Drew grinned, waved, and hugged them.
“How are you girls doing? Being safe I assume?” He asks with honesty, wanting to make sure they’re making good choices.
They answered with the same response.
"Oh get this, Taylor," you add, pointing to her so Drew understands who you're talking about, "mom is best friends with my aunt," chuckling with delight. Drew's jaw fell in surprise.
Eventually, the group of girls returned to their original spot, allowing you to enjoy the remainder of the night. They were really respectful throughout the entire process. 
You spent the remainder of the night close to Drew's embrace, drinking more with friends before returning to your apartments for a nice night's sleep.
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zanarkandskylines · 4 months
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Operation: Shut Down
『♡』  fem!reader x bakugo ╰➤ ꒰ Senior year of UA | Characters are all 18 ꒱ ♡ katsuki bakugo masterlist ♡ summary: during their senior year of UA, midoriya, bakugo and todoroki return to endeavor's agency for senior internships. while on a supervised patrol, bakugo experiences his first 'failure' as a hero-in-training and takes it extremely hard. reader makes an attempt to care for his fragile state when he returns to the dorms. tags & warnings:  failed mission, ptsd/trauma, mentions of blood/gore/violence, depression & anxiety, mild angst, emotional comfort, semi-fluff, bakugo and midoriya hug!? a/n: similar to the "tidal wave" story, but this one is a bit grittier and heavier subject matter. hopefully this also isn't too OOC for bakugo! i figure at some point during their time at UA, or in the field, they’ll have to go through something similar to this on their own. ꒰ Ao3 version | word count; 2,671 ꒱
Ahh, Saturday mornings - one of your favorite times of the week! There's something refreshing about being free from classes, surrounded by all your friends as you laze around the dorms. Yourself and Bakugo are usually the first two awake, often bumping into each other in the kitchen for breakfast. Midoriya and Kirishima are typically next, followed by a random assortment of the rest of the class. One thing's for certain, though, Kaminari is always the last one awake. Jiro swears it annoys the shit out of her that she needs to have an extra alarm to get him up, but he never fails to make her smile when she does.
Today, the dorms are on the quieter side as most of the class are off at their senior internships for a long weekend. You completed yours a few weeks prior, leaving yourself and Kirishima, Kaminari, Ashido and Yaoyorozu hanging around this weekend. Meandering toward the kitchen to grab a bowl of cereal, you run into Midoriya, sitting at the small table - alone.
"Hey! I thought you guys were gone 'til Monday?" you ask, confused as to why he's back early. As you approach the table, you see the somber emotion painted across his face, the usual radiance in his eyes dulled.
"Oh, hey y/n. Yeah, we got back late last night."
There's something unsettling about the way he said "late last night." He still hasn't looked up at you. You place a hand on his shoulder to grab his attention.
"Everything okay?" He jumps a bit at your touch, startling you. He's not typically this jumpy. "You look like you've seen a ghost, Zu."
You can see he swallows nervously, his eyes glued to the table.
"Christ, Izuku! You're scaring me, spit it out already!" you urge, growing impatient with his evasiveness.
Midoriya finally turns to face you, his face not able to hide the fact he didn't sleep last night, the darkness growing under his eyes.
"It's Kacchan...," he starts, stopping for longer than you were comfortable with before continuing quietly. "He's in his room and hasn't come out since last night. He won't talk to me or Shouto."
Your stomach cartwheels with a sour feeling.
"You can't just say that and not give me more background on what the hell you're talking about."
He shifted uncomfortably in the diner chair, placing his head in his hands on the table.
"We were on a supervised patrol with Endeavor after dinner last night. The three of us were responsible for escorting a family across the city when Endeavor received an emergency call, taking Kacchan with him and leaving myself and Shouto responsible for the original task."
Midoriya paused, letting out a soft exhale.
"While on the emergency call, Endeavor ended up getting hurt -," he puts his hands up, waving them as he quickly interrupts himself to say he's fine before putting his head back down. "- due to a fall. Supposedly, the villain they were pursuing took advantage of that as a distraction. Kacchan was able to subdue him..."
Again with the damn pauses.
"...but?" You try not to sound too annoyed, but can't help it. You loved Izuku dearly, but he really needed to learn to get to the damn point.
"...but the civilian he captured wasn't so lucky."
What the hell does that mean?
Something in your gut tells you to sit down for whatever it is he's going to say next. You take the seat next to him, placing a hand on his thigh for reassurance.
"You...don't have to say anything if you don't want to, Zu," your tone shifting from your previous annoyance to concern.
He puts a hand on top of yours and gives it a squeeze. "T-thanks, but it's okay. Maybe you could try to talk with him? I had Kirishima try, too with no luck."
"Okay, sure. Do you wanna tell me what happened, then?"
You're not really sure if you should know, at this point. If Bakugo's locked himself in his room and refuses to speak to anyone? Some serious shit must have happened. He's not one to completely shutdown and isolate himself, let alone from Midoriya and Kirishima.
"The...civilian didn't make it. The villain planted a bomb inside of the civilian as, uh...a backup plan, I guess. It went off as Kacchan was escorting them to the ambulance for evaluation."
Your stomach stirs a second time, afraid to confirm what you think happened. "...so, you're telling me he saw someone...explode?"
He hesitates. "Y-yeah. Endeavor told us he went into shock, which isn't like him at all but completely normal, all things considered. He went non-verbal until we got back last night. He didn't even yell, told us he was going to bed, walked off and slammed the door."
"Fucking hell...do you know if he at least got some sleep on the drive back?"
"Funny enough, yeah. He fell asleep on my shoulder." He smiles faintly, trying to look at the positive in this situation. You can't help but smile, too, imagining Bakugo passed out on him without a care in the world.
Midoriya rubs two fingers against his temple - he's intensely fighting to stay awake. But who could blame him? His best friend just went through something extremely traumatic and he doesn't know the best way to help him.
You rub his back, attempting to calm his visible anxiety.
"Alright, I'll tag in. Please Izuku, go to bed. You need to rest," you assert, knowing that he would keep himself up until he physically couldn't stand if it meant helping a friend - especially Bakugo.
"Yeah. Thank you, y/n," Midoriya says wearily. As he stands, you jump up from your own seat to wrap him in a tight hug. He accepts, sighing into your shoulder as his body deflates into yours.
"Come on, I'll walk you back to your room."
───
After you walk Midoriya back to his dorm room, you go inside with him for a few minutes to be sure he actually gets into bed. He lazily crawls under the sheets, letting you tuck him in as his eyes are fluttering closed. You pat his head and mutter a 'night Zu' as you tip-toe to the door, carefully shutting it behind you.
Jogging up to the 4th floor, you make your way down the hall to Bakugo's room. You stand outside for a moment before knocking twice.
No response.
You give him a few seconds before knocking again.
Nothing. You don't hear any movement on the other side of the door, either. Maybe he's asleep?
One final try before you give up and resort to calling him.
Thudding footsteps are stomping on the floor from inside his room after the third set of knocks. The sudden sound shocks you as the door flies open, Bakugo's scowling face emerging from behind it, the whites of his eyes faintly pink in color. Has he been crying?
"God dammit, nerd! I fuckin' told you -," He doesn't notice it's you right away as he's shouting in your face. Once the realization sets in, he visibly recoils at his mistake. "...sorry. Thought you were Izuku."
"I could go dye my hair and draw freckles on if you wanna yell at me," you joke.
He doesn't laugh - not even an eyeroll.
Your heart sinks.
Neither of you say anything, standing there awkwardly as the air thickens between the two of you. Bakugo audibly exhales and you can't tell if he's annoyed, angry or...sad.
"Can I come in?" you ask humbly.
He says nothing, retreating back into his room - but, he leaves the door open for you. You take that as an accepted invitation, coming inside and closing the door behind you. He sits on his bed, knees tucked up to his chest as he scoots back to the wall.
Seeing Bakugo like this tugs at your heartstrings, despondent and detached, the opposite of any emotions he'd usually carry. You follow him to the bed and quietly ask permission to sit with him.
"Do you want me to sit with you, Kat?"
He doesn't move, just answers with a muted 'whatever.'
As gentle as you can, you climb onto the bed and shimmy next to him, back against the wall. You'll take this as a win, especially since Midoriya mentioned him not answering anyone else. You're about to say something as you hear a sniffle, confirming your suspicions.
Bakugo was and has been crying.
You reach over to put a hand in his hair in an attempt to comfort him. Instantaneously, he smacks your hand away - hard - and a spark jumps off his palm. Normally, he'd let you touch him without an issue - to an extent, of course, but right now? You understand why he wouldn't want any physical touch.
"Okay, I'll sit here as long as you want," you affirm, retracting your hand and pulling your own knees to your chest. "You don't have to say anything."
With that, the flood gates busted wide open. Bakugo whips his head in your direction, his nose red and eyes swollen, and frantically scrambles on to you. The two of you fall sideways into the pillows at the head of the bed as he wraps his arms around you into an awkward embrace. He buries his face in the curve of your neck, latching onto the back of your shirt with an ironclad grip as he begins to sob.
You have never heard him cry this hard over anything, not even after his fight with Midoriya back in their first year.
You don't wait for Bakugo to say anything before you're cradling him against you, one hand delicately stroking his hair while the other massages light circles on his back.
"I've got you, Katsuki, it's okay," you whisper soothingly while trying your damndest to stop yourself from crying along with him. You wish, more than anything in the world, that you could physically remove the memory from his brain to free him of this trauma.
"I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay as long as you want."
He doesn't respond, only pushes himself deeper into your embrace. You can feel the material of your shirt sticking to your skin at your collarbone from his snot and tears, and you're definitely going to have bruises on your back from his fingers digging into you for support. None of that matters though in the moment, what matters is that he's getting the initial shock out of his system.
You're not too sure how long you both lay there, but with time, you can tell Bakugo's calming down by his sobs mellowing out. His body begins to loosen up, the tension melting from his tightened grip around you. And then you hear it - a low snore.
He'd fallen asleep.
You tilt your head back to get a look at his face. His features have relaxed around his puffy eyes and pink nose. Without thinking, you run a hand through his bangs, exposing his forehead and press a tender kiss to it. He doesn't stir and continues to take deep, sleepy breaths.
───
Bakugo wakes an hour later, dazed and exhausted. When he starts to shift in your arms, you open your eyes. You give him a hearty smile as he releases his hold, rolling onto his back next to you.
"Mornin' sunshine. How're you feeling?"
He snorts as his eyes focus on the ceiling. "Like shit."
He pauses before looking back at you. "But less than before. Thanks. I'm just fuckin' tired."
"You scared me, I've never seen you that upset before," you admit. "You don't have to talk about it now, or ever, just know that I'm here for whatever you need."
"I don't even know what to say about it. Shit sucked, but it's what we signed up for." He's very monotone, but at least he's talking.
You roll over to face him. "I'm sorry you had to see it."
Bakugo sighs. "'S what it is. I'll get over it. Endeavor told me the first one is the hardest, better to get it outta the way before becomin' a pro."
Damn, that made your heart ache.
"Just 'cause we wanna help people doesn't mean we can't also ask the same for ourselves. Heroes need a hero, too."
He lolls his head to the side and stares at you, a gleam in his tired eyes. "...yeah."
The room is silent as the two of you take a break from the rough conversation. If he doesn't want to continue talking, you don't push it. Instead, you offer a distraction.
"I'd love to take you hiking today, if you're up for it," you say with enthusiasm. "I know how much you love that one trail nearby with the overlook of the city."
Bakugo felt his heart flutter at the proposal, confusing the hell out of him, but offered a sense of comfort that he needed. He loved that you remembered something so niche about his interests.
"Maybe tomorrow."
"Sure! You tell me how early you wanna go and I'll get my ass out of bed. Just for you," you tease, jokingly smacking his arm. "We can get lunch on the way back from the hike, too. Wherever you wanna go!"
Between the swirl of emotions from earlier and how sweet you're being to him now, he's overwhelmed with a feeling he can't quite place.
"Y/N, can I ask you something?" he asks abruptly.
Well, that came out of nowhere.
"Always, Kat. What is it?"
He stalls his follow up, seeming to think a little longer on how he wans to phrase his question.
"Why...are you here with me?"
His question baffles you. "Because you're my best friend?"
Best friend, he repeats in his head.
You notice the pondering look in his eyes as he turns to face you, shifting to lay on his side.
"It's because I care deeply about you, Katsuki. Nothing'll ever change that."
"...promise?" His voice is shaky, a nervousness to his tone.
You reach out and touch his cheek, stroking it lovingly with your thumb.
"Is that even a question? Yes, I promise. You're stuck with my ass forever, like it or not. I’ll be cheering for you every step of the way."
He laughs - genuinely.
And then he smiles. Your heart soars into the heavens.
"There's my favorite firecracker!" you boast, squishing his cheek in your hand.
Bakugo huffs at the sudden affection, a dusting of pink on his cheeks and nose.
"Th' fuck?!" he curses, playfully poking your forehead. "I'm not a firecracker!"
“Coulda fooled me, Mr. Lord Explosion Murder God Dynamight.”
The two of you play fight, cackling like children as the tension melts from the room.
Even if it’s just for a little while, Bakugo forgot about the agonizing dread from hours ago.
───
Later on in the dorm lobby, you’re sitting on the couch with Bakugo, feet in his lap watching TV as he’s reading a book. Midoriya comes prancing into the room, fresh faced from his nap. His eyes brighten when he sees Bakugo on the couch.
“Hey guys! Kacchan, how are you feeling?” he asks cheerfully, taking a seat on the couch next to him.
Unexpectedly, Bakugo wraps an arm over Midoriya’s shoulder, tugging him into his side.
“Fine, nerd. Thanks.” He lets go, puts a hand on his head and roughly fluffs his curls - just like when they were kids. Midoriya is so taken aback that he doesn’t say anything, he just smiles and relaxes next to him.
“What are we watching?”
You lean sideways to catch a glimpse of the boys together on the couch, co-existing without any negativity. Even after all the shit life throws at them, they still find ways to shove it all away to enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes, they just need a little help getting back to that mentality.
A silent huff escapes you as you lay back into the couch.
These boys are going to be the death of me.
i love these goobers and wanna buy them a lifetime’s worth of ice cream and take them to disney world to make them happy :’)
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planet-marz1 · 4 months
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my little love
post-outbreak joel miller x f!reader
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summary: you and joel welcome your baby girl into the world warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, minors DNI. no use of y/n, references to childbirth (non graphic), pregnancy, established relationship, reader does not have a specified age, no descriptions of reader's physical appearance, mentions of child loss (brief, non-descriptive), minor angst wc: ~750 a/n: After taking a very long (unintentional) break from writing, I was able to get this sweet little oneshot completeted after what felt like an eternity. It's meant to take place in the Our Little Sheep universe, but it can be read as a standalone. Thank you to @fhatbhabie for beta reading! baby name inspired by my lovely em @catchallfangirl (she bullied me into it shh)
| main masterlist | ao3 link | updates blog |
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A girl.
Your little girl.
Any self-doubt of your capabilities is immediately washed away the moment you lay your eyes on your daughter. Ten little fingers, ten little toes.
She’s absolutely perfect.
A wave of joy and relief washes over the room as you and Joel share a glance of sheer happiness. You reach out, your arms trembling with a mix of exhaustion and exhilaration, as the midwife carefully places your daughter in your embrace.
With a delicate touch, you cradle your daughter against your chest, feeling the weight of her tiny, perfect body in your arms. The room falls away, and time seems to pause as you marvel at the miracle of new life. Tears of joy stream down your cheeks as you look into her eyes, meeting the gaze of the little one you've carried for months.
Joel, equally captivated, leans in to place a gentle kiss on your forehead before turning his attention to your daughter. As you cradle your daughter against your chest, a flood of emotions surges through you. 
She has Joel’s eyes, but everything else about her appearance is all you. Every moment you spend looking at her is like staring back at your own reflection. You can’t help but fall in love with her. Brown eyes staring up at you, a pair you’ve fallen in love with once before.
“I can't believe she's here,” you whisper, your voice catching with a mixture of exhaustion and elation.
Joel sits beside the tub, sharing in your emotional moment and stroking your arm gently, but he’s quiet. More than usual. You glance up at him, and his eyes are starting to glisten with tears.
He’s brought back in time decades in the past. To the first time he laid eyes on her. Soft dark brown curls, and big brown eyes staring back at him. Little baby Sarah. The name he and Sarah’s mom had settled on last minute after months of going back and forth. Scared would be an understatement for his emotions. This tiny little human being, suddenly relying on him for everything. Love, affection, comfort, protection, guidance. The list goes on and seems insurmountable. He’s so young.
He can’t help but feel guilty for his life now. All the time that’s passed since that fateful night that he witnessed his daughter take her last breath. Now he sits next to you, watching yet another little soul who will rely on him for everything, be brought into this world.
He doesn’t want to fuck it up this time. He can’t. He won’t be able to forgive himself this time if he fails again.
“She's perfect, just like her mom," he manages to choke, his voice filled with admiration and love.
Your daughter, swaddled in soft blankets, nestles closer to your chest, finding comfort in the familiar sound of your heartbeat. Her presence is a miracle that unfolds in every breath, every tiny movement, and every flutter of her eyelids.
You can’t believe she’s yours. You and Joel combined into one tiny little human being.
As you hold her close, you become acutely aware of the weight of responsibility mingled with the sheer joy of parenthood. The fragility of her life, nestled in your arms, is a reminder of the trust and love that will shape your journey together.
You find solace in the gentle rhythm of your daughter's breaths. The tiny fingers that grasp onto yours create a connection that transcends the physical.
You, still teary-eyed, glance at Joel, and together you share a silent acknowledgment of the depth of the love that has brought you to this moment.
“What should we name her?” you ask quietly.
How exactly do you pick out a name? Something that will define someone, and follow them around for their entire life. You had given Joel several suggestions, all of which he quickly turned down, and any of the names he had suggested you couldn’t stand at all.
He shrugs, while stroking your arm gently. “You went through all the hard work of getting her here. Figure s'only fair if you pick her name.”
You glance down at the squirming newborn in your arms. “How about Emilie?”
“Emilie?”
You look back up at him and nod. “It’s simple, sweet.”
He smiles, and places a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Emilie it is, then.”
You both know this journey won’t be easy, but you wouldn’t want to navigate it with anyone other than each other.
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tag list: @pertinentpostmortem @party-hearses @honeyedmiller @bastardmandennis @chaotic-mystery @amanitacowboy @littlegrungegirlaf @pedrodascal @sweetercalypso @ilovepedro @alwaysmicado @cherubispunk @futuraa-free @morgaussy @pedritoferg @spookykoolkat @wethairjoel @chronically-ghosted @buckyispunk @pattwtf @morning-star-joy @elvinaa @tinycozycomfort @magpiepills @pr0ximamidnight @joelscurls @5oh5 @farmerlarrry @joeldjarin @spookyxsam @mrsmando @hyzer34 @limerence4u @sin-djarin @reddedmiller @joels-shitty-puns @elvinaa @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @vee-bees-blog @josephquinnswhore @worhols @bluebeary-jay @pamasaur
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starry-eyedblog · 4 months
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HI LAURY (≧ω≦。) I CAN FINALLY SEND YOU AN ASK AGAIN!!
okay ahem i was thinking about roomates!soap and gaz !! they are like very overly touchy and obsessed with you, literally can't keep their hands off you while you three are on the couch watching a movie. a bit insane and gross sometimes too BUT i love them very much. DO YOU SEE MY VISION HERE!! i don't think i am explaining it well BUT YEAH >:3
ruru!! i'm so happy yer free from jail, vry glad to have you back<3
and omg i'm actually frothing at the MOUTH i see your vision so clearly. why is this so hot?? i actually need them so badly. hope i do the idea justice !! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
warnings/tags: roommate! soap x roommate! gaz x reader, non con/dub con, groping, pervy/creepy behaviour, slight manipulation/guilt tripping, mentions of panty sniffing
you had moved into a new flat a few weeks ago, managing to snag a pretty big place for a cheap price. when you saw the amount on the post advertising it online, your eyes almost bulged out of your head and you rushed to contact the owners, which turned out to be two handsome men a few years older than you.
what was not to love of the place? close commute to your work, cheap, spacious and two very good looking men living there too. honestly it felt like a setup but you didn't question it, and your application was immediately accepted.
so in no time flat you were moving in, setting up all your own furniture with the help of both your roommates. and after a week of getting comfortable and your roommates keeping a good distance from you while you settled in, they finally asked you to join in with them on their activities that have always been just for the two of them. the first, was film night.
"every friday night, we have film night. snacks, drinks, shitty films. it's our routine, and now you're here, we thought you should be included." gaz had told you on thursday morning, an easy smile on his face as he stood leaning on the kitchen counter, eating toast in just his plaid pyjama trousers hanging low on his waist with everything else on show. it was very difficult to avoid oogling at his chest as you responded. "so-sounds great, i'll uhm pick up some snacks after work tomorrow." you ushered out.
it's now friday night at half nine and the three of you are huddled up under soft blankets on the pretty spacious couch with you squished in the middle of them. there wasn't any need for them to have their bodies so close to you, but you didn't say anything. gaz had his arm resting on the back of the couch, around your head which made you blush slightly, even though it was just for his own comfort.
you're only fifteen minutes into the film, some popcorn in your hand with eyes glued to the tv when you feel the first touch. it's a big, warm hand pressing at your thigh. you jump, head whipping round to soap who smiles innocently at you. his hand grips your thigh and you whine, stumbling out a response.
"soap, wh-what-?" you try to ask but soap shushes you up quickly, "shh hen, tryna watch the film." he points to the tv with his free hand, no longer looking at you. not even a minute later, another hand coming from the other side of you is now squeezing at the inside of your thigh.
your head whips round to face gaz instead, your eyebrows scrunching up in confusion. "why are y-" before you can get another word out, gaz is also shushing you and instead facing the tv - just like soap.
you try not to think about it too much, as they both seem to be enamoured with the film playing in front of them and uncaring of the fact both of their hands are gripping at your thighs that borderlines on just a wee bit too tight.
as the film continues, you start to forget about the weight of their hands on your thighs but that doesn't last long until both hands are moving again, one going to your front while the other slides back to rest on your arse.
your cheeks instantly flare pink as you sputter out words, trying to ask what they are doing. "ain't doing anythin', you're jus' too sensitive love. keep watchin' the film alright? me and johnny really want you to take movie night serious, can you do that for us?" gaz asks with a pout, guilt tripping you with his adorable puppy face that will soon become a recurring issue for you.
you find your head nodding slowly, eyes turning back to the tv once again as their hands start to fondle you. soap's hand teases at your cunt through your joggers, cupping it every now and then while gaz grabs and almost kneads at the soft skin of your arse, fingers slipping the joggers down enough that he can touch warm flesh.
it doesn't take long for you to be a whimpering mess on the couch, trapped between the two burly men who give you no respite, rough overworked hands fondling you so meanly and roughly, without care for your sensitive body.
"gu-guys the film, i thought you wan-hghh wanted to watch it." you splutter, head rolling back onto the shoulder of gaz who's on your left. "aye we do, so quit yer yapping quien." soap grumbles, leaving a sloppy wet kiss on your neck, eyes not even looking at the tv.
it doesn't take long for gaz's fingers to work their way down your joggers and push aside your flimsy underwear, a dry thumb pressing against your asshole that has you squirming, hips bucking to get away. gaz's other hand keeps you pinned down firmly with no issue, watching the way your mouth falls open to let out confused sounds of pleasure and pain.
as gaz does this at the back of your body, soap fondles with the front of you, hand slipping down your underwear to press at your clit which makes you moan out-loud, eyes fluttering shut. "dove, please. we haven't seen this film before, been waiting awhile." gaz complains, nibbling at your ear and you feel as if all your nerves have been set on fire. the guilt and pleasure swirls through your turned on body, mind starting to become foggy as they continue their groping.
you bite down on your bottom lip harshly, teeth digging into the skin and causing little tears. tiny droplets of blood stain your bottom lip as you sit there like a doll for them, your fuzzy brain desperately trying to focus on the film but at this point any ideas you had about the plot or characters has left you and replaced with the way your body is being groped at by your two new roommates.
soon soap's fingers are slipping past your folds and caressing your hole that seems to grow wet from the touch, even though it's a natural human body instinct, soap takes it that you're enjoying his and gaz's caressing which just feeds into his gross mindset.
"fuck gaz, should feel how wet they are. fuckin' turns em on being groped." soap moans deeply, one thick finger slipping into your wet hole that immediately clenches down on the intrusion. "that so? we picked the right one tav." gaz smirks at his friend, pulling his hands out of your joggers to then shove his dry thumb into your mouth roughly.
"suck lovie." he stated, watching the way your teary eyes didn't move away once from the tv while your mouth gently sucked on the digit. soon he slipped his thumb out and pressed it against your hole once again, but this time he gently started to edge his spit soaked finger inside which had your body flinching. you had never experimented back there, so this was a very new sensation.
"never had anyone back here, eh?" gaz jokes with a mean chuckle which soap joins while thrusting one finger meanly into your tight cunt that leaks around his hand. another finger is soon added, thumb pressing against your clit. you feel absolutely ashamed, your body enjoying the touch while your mind is conflicted.
before you can think much more about how wrong this is, how your roommates have ganged up on you to touch you without any consent, your stomach tightens and your cunt clenches down on soap's two fingers. your asshole pulses around gaz's thumb as your orgasm washes through you and your eyesight blurs from the intensity.
as you whimper and gasp on the couch, hips bucking and writhing to try get away, both men watch in awe as you cum. the film is long forgotten now, playing quietly in the background as it illuminates the room. once your orgasm finally comes to an end, your body slumps back into the couch, eyes half lidded and body limp while your roommates remove their hands out of you.
soap is the first to taste your sweet nectar, long tongue wrapping around his middle finger and sucking off your juices. he moans and pants like a dog in heat as he tastes you on his tongue, and it isn't long before gaz is whining for his turn. soap reluctantly pulls off and rests his ring finger on gaz's plump lips, watching the younger man slowly open his mouth and welcome his finger inside. his tongue laps up the wetness, hips bucking up from need as he drinks down everything he can just off soap's finger.
after a minute, soap is pushing gaz off with a chuckle. "alright calm yersel gaz." he says, and gaz rolls his eyes. "you're just the same." he grumbles quietly before turning to you, smiling at how out of it you are, still limp against the couch.
thankfully both men pull your underwear back up and clean you up, but not without leaving messy hickeys all over your neck and shoulders to claim you as theirs.
and no one needs to know, certainly not you, that through this week of you settling in - where they kept their distance so you were comfortable, they weren't actually keeping faithful to that promise. they already managed to slip a few dirty pants out of your bedroom to sniff and huff at while jerking the other off at late hours into the night, as well as spying on you when showering.
but this was just the start of their creeping on their new pretty roommate.
@bjornthebearguy
@iciclesses
@mothymunson
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thomas shelby fic recs
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you are responsible for the content you consume‼️
✧*:·˚ hi everyone!! here is a list of all the fics that are my favs with tagged writers/authors ✧*:·˚
✧*:·˚ remember to like and reblog the works you enjoy in order to support each writer!! ✧*:·˚
✧*:·˚ however, make sure you read the information on each story themselves such as triggers & warnings ✧*:·˚
✧*:·˚ also, if you'd like me to remove your fic from this list, message me! ✧*:·˚
°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。
「*ೃ࿔」 another chance by @smallheathgangsters thomas shelby x reader | 2.6k
-tommy believes keeping things about work from y/n would help their relationship. he couldn’t be more wrong.
「*ೃ࿔」 a promise i won't break by @justauthoring thomas shelby x reader | 1.2k
-mosley is obsessed with tommy’s wife and tries to make a move on her.
「*ೃ࿔」 dead of night by @justauthoring thomas shelby x reader | 1.2k
-without you, everything just seems fucking pointless.
「*ೃ࿔」 the right treatment by @ijustwant2write tommy shelby x reader, john shelby x reader (platonic), arthur shelby x reader (platonic), polly shelby x reader (platonic) | swearing, illness (including pain), injury, arguing, angst, fluff
「*ೃ࿔」 a free spirit by @ijustwant2write thomas shelby x reader | mentions of sex, fighting, threats, pregnant symptoms, shouting, swearing
「*ೃ࿔」 gunshot by @smallheathgangsters thomas shelby x reader | 2.7k | fluff, some hurt/comfort
-tommy and y/n spend a night together, but never speak about it again. that changes, when tommy’s business plans have a dangerous impact on the lives of people he loves.
「*ೃ࿔」 another chance by @smallheathgangsters thomas shelby x reader | 2.6k
-tommy believes keeping things about work from y/n would help their relationship. he couldn’t be more wrong.
「*ೃ࿔」 unspoken by @shelbylimiited-blog thomas shelby x reader
-"i can't keep kissing strangers and pretending that they're you."   "people are staring."
「*ೃ࿔」 all nights after by @tessimagines thomas shelby x reader | heatedness and nakedness, I guess? no actual smut though.
-tommy comes to a conclusion one night late in bed.
「*ೃ࿔」 i chose you by @peaky-blinders-lit thomas shelby x reader
-you’d never been a morning person but mornings with Tommy were blissful.
「*ೃ࿔」 brave enough by @cas-kingdom sister!reader x tommy | 3.1k
-you’re the only person brave enough to mess with thomas shelby.
「*ೃ࿔」 not part of the deal by @storiesforallfandoms thomas shelby x female!reader | swearing, violence, hints of smut, 1.6k
-a potential peaky blinders business partner ruins his chances by making some off remarks about the boss’ girl
「*ೃ࿔」 wishing it was you by @orionwhispers thomas shelby x reader
-tommy knows he's standing next to Grace.
「*ೃ࿔」 private ceremony by @storiesforallfandoms thomas shelby x female!reader | 1.1k
-after some trouble with his men, tommy and his bride to be decide to have a quiet, more intimate ceremony before the chaotic one
「*ೃ࿔」 fear by @babylooneytoonz thomas shelby x female!reader | light angst , mentions of abortion, unplanned pregnancy
-tommy and his second wife, reader, an independent, successful business woman are living a fairly happy marriage until the reader finds out she's pregnant. things take a wrong turn when their work life clashes with this news and in the end, the reader takes a devastating decision. without consulting her husband.
「*ೃ࿔」 nice to meet you by @merakiaes thomas shelby x reader | 2.9k
-you’re ada’s flatmate in london and you haven’t met her brothers yet. tommy comes to your shared house one night to find you giving karl a bath and as he doesn’t recognize you, his automatic response is to pull a gun on you. 
Part Two - First Impressions
Part Three - Salvation
「*ೃ࿔」 speechless thomas shelby x reader
-thomas shelby knows that he’s going to marry his childhood friend one day. He also knows he’ll be a bundle of nerves when the day arrives.
「*ೃ࿔」 love is blindness by @blueathens tommy shelby x fem!reader | smut (MDNI!), raging breeding kink, creampie, unprotected sex (please use a condom), tommy has A Thing about you being pregnant, 3.3k
-after watching you mother his boys, tommy is intent on making you the mother of his real children.
「*ೃ࿔」 protect you by @babybluebex tommy shelby x fem!reader | this is pure fluff no smut to be seen, violence is mentioned, injuries are mentioned, confessions of love are abound, tommy hates to admit when he's got a crush but buddy now is the time to admit it, 2.5k
-being a peaky blinder often makes you a target, but when a rival gang crosses the line, tommy puts you first.
「*ೃ࿔」 misbehaving by @babybluebex tommy shelby x fem!reader | smut (MDNI!), dubcon (the punishment isn't exactly wanted but the sex, reader is 100% into), impact play (spanking, belting), slutshaming, age gap (tommy is early 40s, reader is 20-something), unprotected sex, glimpses of sweet tommy
-you made tommy look like a fool, so he doles out a punishment that he deems appropriate
「*ೃ࿔」 little love by @twilightmyths tommy shelby x fem!reader | pure fluff
-thomas shelby adored you.
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yerimbrit · 1 month
Text
something new : n. kazuha
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synopsis: the five times your confession to kazuha was interrupted, and the one time it wasn't
# : pairing ! nonidol!nakamura kazuha x gn!reader
# : tags ! friends to lovers, ao3 5+1 trope, but there's some interludes, zuha's JUSTTT a little dense, the fimmies are your wingwomen, so is giselle and ningning from aespa, hs!au, crack, mentions of karina and winter too, in the end they are just two lovesick fools
# : wordcount ! 8.4k
# : warnings ! the usual swearing idt i'll be putting warnings for them anym
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"just tell her you like her," chaewon said, taking a bite of her salad, "i don't understand why you haven't."
you groaned in response. obviously chaewon didn't understand that what she was suggesting was exactly what you'd been trying to do since the beginning of time. emphasis on trying.
it wasn't your fault that kazuha was absolutely, terribly, agonizingly oblivious to your confessions to her—or at least your attempts to confess to her.
a sympathetic hand patted you on the shoulder, and you looked up to see sakura, who placed her tray on the cafeteria table. "attempts have been made, chae. that's exactly why they're complaining for the, i don't know, 100th time."
chaewon kicked sakura's foot under the table.
"whatcha guys talking about?" asked eunchae, who had just taken her seat next to you at the table. you only buried your face into your arms.
"y/n's just mad that kazuha can't take a hint," snickered chaewon.
sakura nodded, tapping your cheek so she could feed you a spoonful of rice. "kazuha's really dense."
"sometimes i can't tell if she's joking or not whenever i try."
you thought back to the last few times you confessed, shuddering. the most recent one was equally as bad as the previous ones. it was like everything never went your way at the worst times.
("kazuha, i like you," you said, holding both of the girl's hands in yours, looking into her eyes with your tired, but determined eyes.
her eyes widened, and you thought maybe, just maybe, she finally understood what you were saying. at this point, you didn't even care if she rejected you. despite the heartache it would bring you, at least she would know about your feelings.
"i like you too!" she said excitedly, and you perked up in disbelief. wow, today really was your lucky da—
she brought you into a tight hug. and the worst possible words she could've said, were said: "you're my best friend! i like you a lot!")
the bell rang after that, so you couldn't explain to her that you liked her as more than that, because the two of you were at the entrance of the gym, and kazuha's next class was on the third floor of the main building.
eunchae hummed thoughtfully, finger on her lip. then, she gasped, enlightened.
"i have an idea."
she ushered the three of you closer, all of you leaning forward to huddle in the middle of the table. you would've laughed how ridiculous you looked, but what eunchae whispered to the group was even more ridiculous.
"that's not going to work," you refused, adamantly shaking your head.
chaewon, sakura, and eunchae shared a knowing look.
"it doesn't hurt to try, y/nnie," laughed chaewon.
eunchae chimed in, "exactly! what if it does work?"
you furrowed your eyebrows, not liking what the girls were up to. "but—"
"let's try it, y/n." sakura smiled, looking at you with deadpan eyes. you knew those eyes. and those eyes meant that you weren't getting out of this situation. deflating, you lowered your head.
"okay."
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1. eunchae's idea: fall into her arms and confess (like in a romcom!) (romcoms are romcoms for a reason, eunchae.) (shut up!)
"please work, please work, please work," you chanted to yourself, tightly shutting your eyes and waiting for "the signal" from eunchae and chaewon. what the signal was, you didn't know. but you trusted your friends... maybe.
the sound of yunjin's boisterous laughter, and kazuha's quieter giggles echoed through the school hallway filled with hundreds of lockers, and you peeked from behind the corner to get a glimpse of the two. your eyes fearfully darted around in search of eunchae, because this was her idea, only to be pushed from behind by someone into the hallway that your incoming target was walking through.
"y/n! look out!" shouted eunchae, and you grimaced. 'that was their cue?'
then, you yelped, tripping over your own feet, because silly old you forgot to tie your own shoelaces. scrunching up your face, you prepared yourself for the inevitable faceplant you were about to do, and the next failure in your endeavor to tell kazuha your feelings.
"woah! are you okay, y/n?" a worried voice called. wait. that wasn't the cold hard floor you thought you were going to embrace.
'kazuha?' you thought, until you opened your eyes and saw a few long strands of dyed orange hair, following them up to the frowning face of huh yunjin, kazuha's best friend. but not kazuha.
squirming out of yunjin's secure grip, you widened your eyes, panicking. your gaze switched between the two volleyball players frantically. they both stared at you with a concerned look.
"i'm sorry!" you exclaimed, bowing so low you could see sakura's shocked face just behind you in the hall, then turning around and dashing to drag sakura with you anywhere but where you just embarrassed yourself.
kazuha called after you, hands cupped around her mouth, but you were already long gone.
"what was that about?" yunjin asked, looking to the japanese girl next to her for an answer. kazuha shrugged and sighed.
"wish i knew."
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"what the hell, eunchae, you said it would work!" you complained into your pillow. said girl was using your back to hold up her phone, which was playing an episode of single's inferno. chaewon sat next to her, more invested in the show than whatever you had going on.
the youngest pouted, jabbing her finger into your shoulder, earning her a grunt and a slap on the knee from you.
"well it would've worked if yunjin-unnie wasn't there," she whined in defense. she was right, but you didn't want to admit that, for the sake of your pride.
chaewon giggled. "it was pretty funny, though. at least you didn't hurt yourself."
your head, which was previously buried in your pillow, whipped around to shoot a menacing glare at the two chaes, lifting your hand to point an accusing finger at both of them.
"speaking of which, where were you guys?! i swear you ran off as soon as you yelled at me to watch out," you said, dropping your arm back onto your bed. eunchae and chaewon glanced at each other, then turned back to you, obnoxiously shrugging their shoulders in sync.
before you could get up and tackle your friends in a much-deserved tickle session, the door to your room creaked open, revealing sakura, and behind her, yunjin.
"why is it always you three? behave," sakura scolded, disappointment evident in her tone.
"sorry, sakura-unnie." "sorry, kkura-unnie..."
chaewon lightly slapped your back.
"ow!" you groaned, rubbing the affected area. she gave you a look, and you hesitantly turned around to look at the eldest girl.
"sorry, kkura-unnie."
sakura sighed, shaking her head. she set her book bag down by the foot of your desk, taking a seat on your swivel chair. yunjin sat on your fluffy rug, leaning her back against the bedframe.
you and yunjin were friends. she'd been over before, with kazuha, and would often join you and your friend group's movie nights. her open-minded personality allowed your conversations to jump topics, making every exchange interesting. although you weren't as close to her as kazuha was, you knew you could always come to her for advice, next to sakura.
yunjin and kazuha were both on the volleyball team. that's how the two of them met: during varsity tryouts, both of them called to receive the spike hit by yujin, a fellow freshman. in that short moment in between, neither of them moved to bump the ball, so it ended up bouncing on the court, resulting in a point scored by yujin. kazuha treated yunjin to an ice cream after practice as an apology, and the two of them hit it off.
aside from the volleyball-campfire-tryout fiasco with kazuha, yunjin was also close with chaewon, sharing multiple classes with her. the two usually gossiped over the recent transfer students, something mr. park did again, or how yet another girl fell victim to star basketball player lee heeseung and his playboy charms.
with eunchae, yunjin treated her as if she were her little sister. from babying her (to which eunchae grumbled about, saying that she was "grown now", but you all knew she secretly adored the older girl) to taking her out on spontaneous hangouts to give her a refreshing experience of the outside world. her and sakura bonded over it, taking care of the youngest together.
you cleared your throat, sitting up and pulling your knees close to your chest. "so, why is yunjin here?"
as you sat up, eunchae's phone fell off your back, and the two watchers both frowned. single's inferno could wait.
"because we forgot to tell her about the plan," sakura said in a matter-of-fact tone.
you cursed in your head. maybe if she was let in on the plan, you would've succeeded, and you wouldn't have to try to confess again.
"speaking of plans," chaewon raised her hand, imitating a student about to ask a question. you snorted, and pointed at her, allowing her to speak again.
she nodded at you, a grin spreading on her face. "it's raining in two days, on friday. zuha usually walks with you after school every other day, right y/n?"
you nodded slowly, making a 'hurry-up' gesture with your hand. she rolled her eyes.
"since she's walking with you, why don't you go ahead and share an umbrella? that could be the perfect opportunity for you to tell her."
("hold on, she's cooking."
"stop learning from yunjin, please eunchae."
"what do i have to do with this!?")
"you know what. that doesn't sound that bad, coming from you," you said, not caring that you just casually threw some shade at chaewon.
"hey, what's that supposed to mean!"
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2. chaewon's idea: share an umbrella under the showers of afternoon spring rain
"it's raining," kazuha pouted, holding her hand out to feel the rain landing on her fingers.
you gulped. this was it.
"y-yeah, it is," you nervously giggled, wiping your sweaty palms on your pants.
the girl beside you hummed, and glanced at you. "should we wait for it to stop?"
hearing her words, you fumbled around for the umbrella in your schoolbag. "it's, it's okay. i have an umbrella," you held the object up to her once you finally found it, "see?"
"oh," she simply nodded, stretching her hand out for you to give to her.
the two of you started walking into the onslaught of rain. kazuha's shoulder started getting wet, and you hurriedly grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to you.
"you'll get sick, dummy," you nagged, a pout on your face. she pinched your cheek and smiled, not making a move to pull away from your hold. butterflies swarmed your stomach.
"it's okay! as long as you stay dry."
damn this girl. why did you have to fall for someone who's so dense? after all these years of trying (and failing) to get your crush to acknowledge your romantic feelings toward her, she still didn't get it?
under your umbrella, the two of you were closer than ever. today was the first day of spring, though instead of warm sunshine, there was the pouring rain. winter felt like it had yet to say goodbye.
the cold air blew at your legs as kazuha maneuvered you around deep puddles on the paved sidewalk, careful not to have you step in one knowing you hated having wet socks.
when you realized what she was doing you flushed, heart accelerating at unnatural speeds, and you suddenly forgot how to breathe when you thought about confessing. the sensation came every time you confessed, but for some reason, this time it was ten times worse.
'okay, focus.' you tried to calm your breathing, taking deep breaths and squeezing kazuha's arm tighter.
the girl turned to you with a questioning look. "something wrong?"
you quickly shook your head and directed your gaze to the ground. you didn't know why you were struggling so much today. maybe it was the pouring rain, or maybe it was the fact you were so close together. maybe it was how she always earnestly took your interests to heart, or maybe...
suddenly, a rushing car zoomed past both of you, speeding over a large puddle. before you could even blink, kazuha switched her umbrella to the other hand, and pulled you into the safer side of the sidewalk, bracing herself for the impact of the puddle water soaking her jacket and uniform.
your heart stopped when she moved you, not processing what was happening. all you knew was that kazuha unexpectedly grabbed you and yanked you away, and now she was soaking wet.
you stammered, "are- are you okay?! wha... you're soaked! why'd you do that?"
the girl took a moment to catch her breath, slightly hunching over while still covering your head with the umbrella. your heart ached. ever so caring, kazuha was. even after she got drenched with rainwater (you cursed the car in your head), she was still making an effort to protect you from the rain.
kazuha gulped, her throat bobbing up and down. then, she stood up straight and looked at you, concern pooling in her eyes.
"are you okay? you're not hurt, are you?" she asked, trying to find any discomfort you could've showed.
you furrowed your eyebrows. was she being serious? she got splashed with water, to... to protect you! and now her favorite zip-up hoodie was ruined, and her uniform skirt was still dripping, and, you shuddered, her shoes and socks were wet. all because she wanted to keep you safe and dry.
you almost cried right then and there. how could you not like her?
"i'm okay. don't worry about me... but now you're all wet," you pointed out, "you can change at my house, i think you still have some clothes in my closet."
she hummed, face melting into a closed-eye smile, making you want to cup her cheeks and just kiss her like you'd always wanted.
you resume walking, your arm automatically looping with hers again, even though she told you that you would also get wet. the two of you fell back into a rhythm of avoiding puddles and making small talk in between. you almost forgot you were going to confess.
you looked around your surroundings, playing with your phone charm inside your jacket pocket. it was always something you did when you were nervous, to fidget with something. the dangly charm you bought with your friends on your class trip to jeju island was the more recent addition to the list.
"um, zuha?" you hesitantly started, "i actually do have something on my mind."
the japanese girl widened her eyes and nodded. "what's up, you feeling okay?"
her caring nature made it harder for you to confess. and now things you thought during the first few confessions were cycling through your mind again. what if she didn't like you like you did? what if you stopped being friends? would she be disgusted?
you swallowed the anxiety down, and took a few deep breaths for extra measure. "for a long time now, i-"
"ha! how you like that! you-" kazuha's ringtone went off, interrupting your (almost) confession. she frowned and put it on silent, then glancing back at you so you could finish what you were saying. more anxiety bubbled up.
"i-"
"ha! ho-"
groaning, she flashed you an apologetic smile and pressed the accept button on her phone. you stood there awkwardly and defeatedly, choosing to pass the time by looking around your surroundings. it took you a few moments to realize that you were already standing at the driveway of your own house.
when did that happen?
"seriously? ah, come on. i've already walked," kazuha grumbled to the person on the other side of the line. you'd already let go of her arm when she answered the call, unaware of your crush's disappointed eyes at your actions.
"okay, fine. why didn't anyone tell me?" she irritatedly asked. "no i didn't get the email, yujin, you know i barely check it."
after a few more lines exchanged between kazuha and the other person, (who you knew now was yujin) the japanese girl hung up with a tired sigh.
"y/n, i'm sorry, i can't stay this time. coach kang moved tomorrow's weekend scrimmage to today because she's visiting her dad tomorrow."
you could only sink your shoulders in dismay. "ah..."
there goes your confession. again.
"you should take the umbrella with you though. we're already here," you gestured to your doorway, "at my house."
kazuha pursed her lips and nodded.
"let me at least walk you to the door."
"okay."
this time, you didn't make an effort to keep kazuha out of the rain, feeling sullen. not that she minded, it allowed her to fully cover your head instead.
instead of waving you goodbye like she always did, kazuha brought you into an abrupt hug. "...bye, y/n," she mumbled into your hair, and left a fleeting kiss on your forehead.
then, she took off, leaving you dumbfounded and alone in the doorway of your home.
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"okay, what the actual fuck," you said to your tablet, your friends on facetime.
sakura, who was in a heated match of overwatch, hummed disapprovingly as she clicked and mashed her keyboard furiously. "stop swearing in front of eunchae."
"sorry, mom."
"what happened, though? you've been repeating the same thing for the past 10 minutes," said chaewon, "did my plan work?"
eunchae nodded, the hair roller she was using on her bangs shaking with the movement. "yeah, did it? i can't tell if your reaction is positive or not."
you took a deep breath as you massaged your temples. "i don't know. on one hand, i couldn't confess because we got interrupted again, on the other hand..." you paused.
"what? tell us," urged sakura. it looked like she finished her game. she must've won, judging by the contented smile she had on her face, and the chirpy tone her voice held that you could hear through the crackly audio of your ipad.
"we were in front of my house, she hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. i don't know if this is a sign or not," you sighed.
"it's a sign," yunjin confidently said. it was her first time speaking in the call, despite it being almost 20 minutes since you impulsively facetimed the groupchat.
she rested her white mechanical pencil behind her ear and grinned. then, she went back to typing away at her laptop, not elaborating on her cryptic answer.
"what does that mean, yunjin-unnie?" the youngest asked, to no avail. the volleyball player had muted herself and started to scribble something down while scrolling on her computer.
you clicked your tongue. this behavior was unusual for yunjin; she was usually the most talkative, but today she kept to herself. she seemed to be deep in thought.
"um, okay," you coughed, "kkura-unnie, you said you had a plan right?"
she smiled, stretching out her arms. (you swore you heard a few cracks) "sure i do. i think it'll be fun."
"that's what eunchae and chaewon said, but look where we are now."
"just trust me, y/n."
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3. sakura's idea: take a pottery class together (and have a heartfelt conversation as you shape clay) ("i don't have-") ("you make me pay all the time, obviously i'm paying for the class.") ("...")
you know what, maybe this will work out. sakura's idea was pretty sound, romantic, and wasn't something you usually did with kazuha.
it was saturday. the class was booked for 12 pm. you got up at around 9:30, got ready, and were now killing time in your room as you waited for kazuha to arrive.
today you were wearing an outfit that you had put out last night, after hours of deciding with the help of yunjin and sakura. (it was really just something you found from pinterest that you tried to replicate with the clothes in your closet) but combined with it was this silver star necklace that the girl of your affections gifted you for your birthday.
you only took it out on special occasions, terrified you were going to lose it or break it if you wore it too often. usually, you kept it in its box on your nightstand, sometimes taking it out to admire or while thinking of kazuha.
...maybe that was tmi.
pacing around your room, you bit your nail as you awaited a text from your date friend. kazuha was going to pick you up for a quick brunch before you set off for the pottery studio located in the central city area. for brunch, you were going to a café you frequented that some of your friends worked at. (minjeong and jimin usually gave you discounts that you and your light wallet thanked them for. they also tried to help you with your crush, but those attempts were something to talk about another day.)
"ding!" your phone beeped. you rushed over to your phone at the speed of light, only to see it was a notification from sakura detailing your booking information.
groaning, you unceremoniously fell onto your bed. it was still early, only about 10:30, and the meeting time was 11, but kazuha would always be early, insisting that she should pick you up from your home because that was the "least she could do." such a gentlewoman, she was.
your phone beeped again, and you were about to set it to 'do not disturb' in the midst of your moping, until you turned the device over to see that kazuha was the one texting.
from: zuha 🦢💙 im at your door :]
yelping, you scrambled for your bag and made sure you looked presentable as you dashed to your apartment door. before you opened it, you checked yourself for the second time on your phone camera for anything that could possibly harm kazuha's image of you.
and there she was, in all her glory. wearing a cropped shirt with a white and black flannel on top, combined with gray canvas pants held up by a black grommet belt. it seemed to compliment your outfit, in a way. 'maybe yunjin helped her with her outfit, too,' you surmised, shaking your head at the thought.
"hey!" she greeted, shyly waving her hand. you'd been through this process countless times, but you both always acted like it was the first time.
"hey," you mirrored, stepping out of your home and locking the door behind you. your hand gravitated toward kazuha's, the action not going unnoticed by the girl, and she took the initiative and interlocked your fingers together. you coughed into your other fist in an attempt to cover your blushing face.
you made your way out of the apartment complex, to the parking lot. the japanese girl led you to a pristine white convertible, opening the passenger's side for you and jogging over to get in the driver's seat. your hands had to part briefly, but once she sat down, her hand found yours again.
pushing the the start button, kazuha put her seatbelt on and grinned at you, revving the engine a few times. you laughed, shaking your head when she made a satisfied face while nodding her head.
"dad let me borrow for today. said he was counting on me and to treat you right," she recounted, "so hopefully i'm doing something right."
"you are, don't worry," you answered, but really what you wanted to say was, 'you always do, without even trying. making me feel like the luckiest person alive with just a laugh. just a smile.'
and off you went downtown. kazuha handed you the aux cord, and you sang along to some of your favorite tunes on the way there. eventually, you made it to the café, sliding in the small designated parking area. kazuha went around and opened the door for you, again, and you walked through the entrance.
minjeong was at the counter, no jimin in sight, but she offered you a teasing smile at the sight of you and kazuha together.
"welcome! will both of you be having the usual?" she asked, resting her hands on the counter.
your date(?) turned to you, and you nodded. "yeah, just the usual," she replied to minjeong, then adding, "we'll also have two... egg drop sandwiches."
minjeong entered your orders in the system, kazuha paid, and the familiar barista handed you your receipt. before you left to secure a table, she gave you a look that screamed "you have to tell me all about it later." you timidly smiled back.
the two of you sat in your usual spot, a table for two in a quiet corner next to the window facing the bustling streets of downtown seoul. it was where you had your study sessions and hangouts with kazuha, and close enough to occasionally talk to jimin and minjeong during their breaks.
speaking of jimin, you were wondering where she was. her and minjeong were usually on the same shift. you'll ask later, when your orders came.
for now, you observed the girl sitting across from you, who had started folding the receipt into an origami crane. she was very focused, tongue slightly sticking out as she meticulously folded the thin paper. she always did this, making cranes out of your receipt from the café. and she always left the finished product on the table, for the employees to add to the stack of cranes hanging on the selfie wall that she had made on previous visits.
once she was done, she placed it in the middle of the table, giving it a few taps to the top of its head with her finger. her eyes met yours, and you flinched, being caught staring.
"how's your morning, so far?" she asked with a dopey grin, arms now resting on the polished surface of the table. it took you a couple of seconds to process her words, eyes still tracking her movements.
"it's been," you coughed, reminded of the inner turmoil you had just an hour ago, "fine, better since you came, zuha."
nice going, you! yunjin would've been proud of that one. you'd say eunchae and chaewon too, since they're always watching those k-dramas that you get roped into, but yunjin always managed to say those cheesy pickup lines with a straight face... at least for a few seconds.
but it seemed to have worked because the girl across from you had a light blush on her face. she played with a few strands of her hair, her smile growing by the second.
"that was smooth," she remarked, letting her hand linger on top of yours for a few moments. now, it was your turn to blush. was she trying to kill you!?
time passed and your drinks and food came, you and her making small talk as you enjoyed your sandwiches. nothing really interesting happened, the brunch went on as usual, with kazuha stealing a bite of your sandwich (even though she had the exact same thing, saying it tasted better because it was yours) and you taking selfies with her.
(after asking minjeong, apparently jimin was out sick, so the younger girl was left alone, much to her irritation.)
eventually you left after finishing everything you ordered, walking out to the parking lot together. it was nice out, the sun peeking our behind fluffy clouds, and a refreshing breeze dancing at your feet.
"the sandwiches were super good," kazuha remarks, kicking a stray pebble in front of her. "but you know what sounds good right now?"
she opened the car door for you, and walked over to the other side so she could sit on the opposite side.
"what?" you raised an eyebrow, even though you already knew what she was going to say next.
"greek yogurt!" you both said, your shared laughter now echoing within the car.
she started the engine and started to pull out of the parking space, still giggling quietly. "maybe we can get some after the pottery class."
you hummed, stashing the receipt from earlier into the glove box. "yeah, we should."
the drive from the café to the studio was a short ride away, and the two of you spent it belting out the lyrics to 'lovesick girls' by blackpink. it was one of the must-play songs whenever you were on the road with each other; a ride wouldn't feel complete without it.
the lyrics didn't have a special meaning to you, per se. it was just the first song that started playing the first time you and kazuha shared earbuds. the japanese girl happened to be a major blackpink fan, and while you weren't particularly into the group, lovesick girls was a good song. after that day, it became routine to listen to it at least once when you were with her.
when the two of you pulled up to the pottery studio, you breathed out a 'thank you' to sakura in your head. because there was no way your broke ass could afford this place. it blended in with the buildings around it, sleek and modern, and it seemed to be a hotspot for couples on dates.
"welcome!" the employee at the studio bowed. the place was quite sophisticated, charmingly decorated but still managing to keep a homey atmosphere.
you followed them to the front desk, pulling up the information that sakura sent you in the midst of your earlier morning misery. "we have a session for 12?"
the employee nodded, scanning the barcode that was included in the email.
"y/n?"
"that's me," you awkwardly waved. kazuha stifled a laugh, and you nudged her shoulder.
you were both led to a more suited area for working with clay, which was a room that looked much more like a workshop than the neat and tidy reception that you were just at.
"all the tools are over here," the person gestured to a shelving system with clear labels of which tools went where, "and any clay you want to use is over here."
"the paints are next to the clays," they looked down at their wristwatch, "your session is booked until 2, have fun!"
and off they went, skipping right back to the reception desk humming a tune you've never heard before. did... did they just leave you?
your 'date' cleared her throat, looking to you as if you had an answer to the unspoken question that lingered in the air. well, you were dragged to those lessons by eunchae and yunjin twice before, so maybe sakura was planning for you to teach kazuha?
you set your bag down, sighing. "well, let's get started, i've done this before so i think i know what to do?"
she followed, putting her phone down next to the pottery wheel that was already on the table.
a good 15 minutes passed and you showed the girl the basics of working with clay on the wheel. thankfully you both have gone through the tortures and wonders of art class, so there was no need to teach her the ABCs of clay. but the wheel was quickly disregarded when you mentioned you wanted to make a pinch pot, and kazuha, ever the easily influenced, wanted to make one too. there goes part of sakura's plan...?
so you sat across from her, working on a pinch pot that you intended to be in the shape of a cat, while she was trying to make one of moomin. at least that's what she told you—it looked more like a lump attached to the side of the pot, but you weren't going to say that to her face when she looked so proud of herself.
"so, kazuha," you started, carving a feline expression onto your pot, "i have something to tell you."
the girl hummed, not looking up from her own project. she was currently chipping off bits of the edges of clay with a scalpel.
"you mean a lot to me, you know," a deep breath, "truly amazing. you're so talented, and kind, even though you're really dorky and sometimes i feel like you were sent from space- in a good way! it's cute..."
"...but i guess what i'm trying to say, as someone who admi- kazuha!?"
in the middle of your speech, kazuha had accidentally flung a piece of clay into her eye. was she caught off? you didn't know, well, more like you didn't care because you needed to call an ambulance, asap.
"i'm, i'm fine, i think," she hissed, her body betraying her words when her eye started watering an irregular amount and her eye was bloodshot when you could finally see it opened.
you shook your head, biting your lip as you texted the groupchat about what had happened, and took kazuha's keys as you dragged her out with you to the parking lot. luckily, you got your license last month so you should knew what you were doing.
jesus.
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"you're going to smash your skull into that desk, y/n."
you felt two taps on your head and the desk respectively, and briefly glanced up to see your classmates aeri and yizhuo looking at you like you were a cow in space.
and so you continued knocking your head against the cheap wood. maybe it'll get bluetoothed to kazuha, making her realize that you liked her. or something.
you collapsed into the nest of what was your hoodie and arms, and let out a muffled scream.
aeri pursed her lips and patted you on the head in sympathy. "is it kazuha again?"
"it's so kazuha again," yizhuo dragged out. yizhuo had a very punchable face.
you swatted at the cheerleader, scowling. "can you shut up? i swear nothing goes well when it's just me and her."
it's been a week since the clay incident, when you took her to the emergency room. all was fine after the doctor checked her eye and prescribed her some eye drops to use over the course of two weeks. kazuha said that she was feeling okay in the physical sense, but it was pretty traumatizing for her (and you) to be in that situation.
"i'm all out of ideas. should i give up?" you asked, searching for any hint of disagreement in both of the girls' eyes.
they shared a look, and turned back to you. "how about baking cookies?" proposed aeri, grabbing a carton of strawberry milk from her bag and placing it on your desk. you accepted it gratefully, taking a sip almost immediately.
"cookies! i bet she would love those. what if you baked together? you should bake together."
baking. not your strongest suit. the last time you baked, you were banned from the kitchen for a month. but, well, that was because you were messing around with eunchae, and this time you would probably buy a cookie mix from the convenience store. you liked to think you were great at following instructions.
it was worth a shot, though. and you were willing to do anything. except maybe trying to tell her upfront again. that would be too easy. and you liked to torture yourself... for no reason(?)
"i'll try it. thanks, you two. if it goes well, i'll give you some cookies as a token of my gratitude."
yizhuo smiled. aeri looked away.
"we'll have to take a raincheck on that."
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4. aeri and yizhuo's idea: bake cookies together! (and sneak in a little smooth "i love you" while you're at it!)
"what made you want to bake cookies all of a sudden, y/n?"
you felt a drop of sweat on your forehead. you and kazuha were getting bowls from the cabinet and ingredients from your fridge. your parents were out tonight, to your relief. not that their presence was unwelcome, but even they were tired of the waiting game with the girl you liked.
the sound of the metal bowls clacking against each other alarmed kazuha, causing her to peek out from the door of the fridge.
"no reason... i just felt like making them. with you! yeah."
"okay... how many eggs do we need?"
you checked the back of the box. "just one."
"okay! ...ow."
it seemed that when she closed the door of the fridge, she had forgotten that her head was there too. how did you predict this? many, many experiences. like how she accidentally let the door slam against her hand, which was holding a can of dr pepper, which then caused her to drop said can, leading to a huge mess on the tiled floor.
she looked at you with a pout, but now holding a singular egg and a stick of butter.
...this was going to be a long day.
...
okay, well maybe not long. it wasn't going that badly, actually. by not bad you mean you were now sitting at the kitchen island with kazuha, waiting for the butter to melt in the microwave. she'd already gotten the egg and water, and you had gotten a bowl and some vanilla extract to mix with the pre-made cookie mix.
it said to soften the butter, but neither of you knew what the difference between softening it and melting it was, so... here's hoping your kitchen doesn't burn down again! and here's hoping that minjeong wouldn't feel offended at your lack of knowledge about baking. that girl could bake a mean cake. and a mean punch.
"you're a great person, y/n," she said, reaching over to rest her hand over yours. you felt the tips of your ears burn at the action. where was this going? wasn't this your line?
then she gave you her signature smile, so warm it could melt you, and you felt like you were actually about to melt into the bar stool.
she squeezed your hand, redirecting her gaze to the counter that she was leaning against. "and i just want to say thank you for taking care of me. and that i really, really..."
you furrowed your brow. "really... what?"
she pointed to the microwave. you glanced over to where she was pointing, and squinted at it to see that there was a flame forming on top of the foil of the small bowl you put the butter in.
wait.
"oh my god, fire! kazuha, get the fire extinguisher, it's on the wall next to the balcony door!"
she rushed to get the tool, preparing to spray as you opened the microwave.
some of the foam got in your face, and you coughed, trying to wave it away from you. kazuha went a little overboard.
did you jinx yourself with the "here's hoping your kitchen doesn't burn down again"? yeah. were you surprised? no.
the athlete cautiously grasped the bowl with an oven mitt, slowly pulling it off of the glass dish. the foil was charred, and she pulled it open to reveal butter that was definitely melted. to the point that it had turned into liquid.
first of all, why did you microwave the butter with the foil on? second of all, why did you even microwave it for that long? you suddenly regretted the decision that the two of you had made to let it melt, soften, or whatever for five minutes.
you sighed, dropping your forehead to the counter. "sorry, zuha. i guess the cookies are a fail for today."
"it's okay, y/nnie," she shook her head, patting your back.
after you cleaned up failure #2 (#1 being the aforementioned cake with eunchae), you watched a few episodes of the latest k-drama with kazuha that night before she went home.
plan d of operation: ILYKZH was, undoubtedly, a fail.
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karaoke was a place you and your friend group frequented. at first you avoided it like the plague, but with some convincing from your friends, you've grown comfortable with it.
with all the food and dessert you could order, and free entertainment, (watching sakura sing yet another red velvet song while chaewon and eunchae clap along) who wouldn't like karaoke? though it was mostly the pizza that kept you there. there has got to be some sort of secret ingredient they use.
it was your weekly visit to the usual place, and this time yunjin was accompanying you. you didn't know why she was, but she always paid whenever she came with you guys, so you didn't mind.
the group ordered their drinks, and of course the deluxe pizza and fries combo, and sakura was already looking for the next red velvet song to sing. you smiled fondly at the sight, watching the youngest try to convince her to pick another artist, even though you all knew it wasn't going to happen.
"do you think kkura-unnie's ever gonna stray away from her favorite group?" yunjin tapped your shoulder. you rested your chin on your palm and pretended to think, the american laughing at you soon after. it seemed the answer was delivered telepathically.
"maybe..." you glanced at the eldest, who was now singing a duet with chaewon of 'one of these nights', "...not."
"oh yeah, i have something for you," she reached into her purse, pulling out two slips of paper and presenting them to you.
you narrowed your eyes at her, "what're these? and what for?"
"they're tickets, silly! to the aquarium. i got them from theater club, but i don't need them. why not take zuha out?"
pause. should you trust yunjin? she'd been pretty quiet about your ordeal(s) involving the girl you liked, so who knew what she was planning?
but then you remembered the kitchen that was set on fire just three days ago, and so you took the pair of tickets from her hand anyway.
an invisible spark of understanding flared as you shook her hand.
plan e (e, really?) of operation: ILYKZH was a go.
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5. yunjin's idea: go on an aquarium date, accompanied by the deep blue and the jellyfish
"be good, okay?" sakura said to you as you stepped out of the car, shielding your eyes from the glare of the sun.
you playfully scrunched up your nose. "you sound like my mom."
she stuck out her tongue at you, and you had half a mind to get back into the vehicle to flick her on the forehead.
"do it this time, y/n," she reminded you. not that you needed a reminder—the past four attempts were already enough of one.
but, still, she was right. if things didn't go well this time then you might just give up. it had almost been a year since you started trying to confess, after all.
the car door closed with a thump, and you waved at sakura through the window.
now, it was time to wait for kazuha. the girl was bound to arrive any moment now, since it was nearing the meetup time. usually, she'd get there before you, but yunjin probably gave her a ride, and yunjin was known to be a very punctual individual; she always arrived at the exact scheduled time, no earlier, no later.
the time on your phone hit 2:00 pm, and as expected, yunjin's gray SUV pulled up to the parking lot, kazuha in tow. they exchanged some words as they walked up to you, but you couldn't make out anything they were saying.
"hey, y/n!" the american waved to you, lightly pushing the other girl forward, to which she protested to.
"hi, y/n," she said quietly, bashfully scratching her neck. you covered your mouth with your hand to hide your giggles.
"hi kazuha, yunjin! right on time, as per usual."
yunjin nodded, "you know me. well, i hope you two have fun, send me pictures of the fish!"
...and she left.
now it was only you and kazuha, standing in front of the entrance to the aquarium.
"you..."
"huh?" you slightly flinched as she gently held your star pendant, caressing it like it was the most fragile thing on earth.
she softly smiled, looking deeply into your eyes. "you're wearing the necklace."
your heart burst into flames. maybe now was a good time to call sakura to come pick you up with the excuse of having heart palpitations. wait, no, y/n! you have to go on!
hurriedly turning away, you gestured to the glass doors of the building. "let's head in!"
in all honesty, you'd already been here more than a few times, and you'd practically memorized layout of the place. kazuha, however, hadn't, this being her first visit to the aquarium since moving to seoul.
so you let yourself be whisked away by the athlete, wandering through the many, many habitats in one of the biggest aquariums in korea. the two of you stopped by the gift shop, kazuha buying you one of the giant shark plushies, and of course you had to take tons of pictures with it in the shark tunnel.
after clearing most of the sections, you ended up going back to the jellyfish exhibits.
"they're just so interesting, the way they just float around, you know?" she said, face illuminated by the blue light of the tank.
you took a moment to admire the sight, stepping closer to observe the moon jellies alongside her. "i get you," you smiled, eyes following the jellies in no particular order. "they're so pretty. especially with the tank lighting."
kazuha turned her head to look at you, a grin spreading on her face as well. "wait, don't move."
in a second, all you could hear was your own thumping heart as the girl's thumb picked something off your face. her own face was incredibly close to yours, her breath fanning your lips as she leaned even closer to you.
"y/n, i..."
at some point (you didn't remember) you felt your eyelids falling shut, anticipating the feeling of her lips on yours.
...but that feeling never came.
"sir, get out of the tank, please! sir!"
the murmur of the crowd behind you became louder, security and staff rushing to another section of the aquarium, shouting warnings one after another.
you jumped away from kazuha, whipping your head around to see the man fighting off two staff members inside one of the tanks, people gathering around it to record the scene.
"what the hell..." you mumbled, turning back to the girl you almost kissed. she looked at you with furrowed brows, a confused expression on her face, similar to yours.
you shifted on your feet, pursing your lips. "we should get out of here. before," you pointed at the situation behind you which one would only deem as utterly ridiculous, "any of that gets worse."
she nodded, and the both of you speed walked to the exit of the building, choosing not to talk about what had happened before you got interrupted. you called sakura, and kazuha called yunjin, and you found yourself in front of the entrance again like in the morning.
that night, you let your dreams finish the moment for you.
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+1.
you, sakura, eunchae, chaewon, yunjin, and kazuha all stood in front of the ferris wheel at everland. it was late—the sun was long gone, replaced by the glowing crescent moon.
the ferris wheel was a popular attraction, typically saved for the end of the day. and in your friends' words: the perfect confession spot. you'd already told them you were giving up after the last time, but they just wouldn't budge.
unsurprisingly, you and kazuha were somehow shoved into the cabin together.
as the cabin rose up into the air, you fidgeted with the star pendant resting on your chest. the ride was filled with awkward silence, the two of you sitting on opposite sides but looking away from each other.
you said you were giving up, but deep down you really hadn't. it was hard to stop liking someone you fell for two years ago. even now, your heart was still beating fast just looking at the girl. you wondered when, if ever, these feelings would stop. would you be happy?
the ride was now nearing the top, the night sky becoming more visible from the windows of the cabin.
"hey, y/n..." kazuha said, her voice breaking the silence. your gaze remained outside, unmoving, finding it hard to speak, but you answered regardless.
"yeah?"
"i like you too."
you'd nearly gotten a cramp at how fast your neck turned to meet kazuha's eyes.
"what?"
"i heard you and yunjin and sakura-unnie talking. about how you were going to give up on me, and i was so confused but i finally figured it out," she blurted out, suddenly feeling embarrassed at how quickly she said those words in succession. "and i know you've been trying to tell me but god, i'm so, so stupid."
"y/n," she moved to your side of the booth, taking your hands in hers. there was a mix of determination, honesty, and apology that you could clearly see in her eyes, putting you in a trance.
"i'm sorry it took me this long. but, i like you. so much that i can't sleep at night because all i can think of is you. so much that i spend hours and hours talking about you to yunjin, to the point where she's even blocked me because i just wouldn't stop. so much tha-"
peach. peach was what nakamura kazuha's lips tasted like, the peach flavored lip gloss that you got her on a whim on a random tuesday. your arms naturally looped around her neck, hers wrapping around your waist as she pulled you closer to her, lips moving against yours in a clumsy rhythm.
when you pulled away briefly, forehead resting on hers, she grinned.
"what are you smiling at?"
"you taste like vanilla soft serve."
you shook your head lightly in disbelief. "i had some earlier."
she huffed. "i know."
and her lips were on yours once again.
(when you came out from the cabin, hand in hand with messy hair and smudged lip gloss, you were met with four pairs of knowing looks.
sakura was the first to speak. "who said it?"
you and kazuha looked at each other in confusion. "uh, what?"
"who confessed!" chaewon groaned, puffing her cheeks up in impatience.
"kazuha did," you said before your now girlfriend could.
sakura and yunjin pumped their fists in the air, even going as far as giving each other a spirited hug. you smiled at the thought of them being happy for you and kazuha, until you saw eunchae and chaewon grumbling and pulling 50,000 won bills out of their wallets.
"you guys seriously bet on us?" the girl beside you asked, mouth agape.
"we waited two years, we might as well make something out of it!" the american said as she took the golden bill from chaewon, celebrating.
"unbelievable.")
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a/n : tell me to write something and i come up with something entirely different this is why i have like 8 wips
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