#I don't personally use that word but I do not care when other queer folks use it

[roboticchibitan]

I remember when same sex marriage was legized in my state (3 years before obergefel vs Hodges which legalized it nationwide). It won by a very narrow margin.

People who had taken care of me when I was young, people who were like second parents to me, (along with half the other people I knew) were saying it was the end times because I could now get married. And I couldn't help but wonder... would those people have protected me, cared for me, let me play with their children, if they had known I would grow up to be queer?

I came out in 2011. I was lucky. My parents were accepting. My mom was clearly uncomfortable at first but she made it clear she loved me no matter what.

Except.

My dad didn't care if I was queer and assured me that didn't mean there was anything wrong with me (in a speech I didn't need to hear but I think he needed to say). But he still said "that's gay" and "that's faggy" anytime my little brother showed vulnerability.

And I was a lucky one. My father used homophobic slurs around me regularly. He turned the word gay into a slur with his homophobic mouth. And I was a lucky one.

When I came out publicly, my grandmother stopped speaking to me for a while. I'm lucky that she changed her mind. I'm lucky that my grandparents let me bring my girlfriend with me when I went to visit them in October. October of 2022 and I still consider myself lucky that my grandparents let my queer partner into their house. My other grandma likewise visited with us, and was polite and friendly, but she still refused to call my gf anything other than "your friend." Still lucky. Incredibly lucky.

People don't understand just how bad things were as much as ten years ago. When I came out at school, I was lucky. No one bullied me. No one shoved me into lockers or called me slurs. They all just stopped talking to me. I became invisible. I went to a small school. I was the only person who was out. Exactly one person talked to me the rest of the year. And I was a lucky one.

When I was in middle and highschool, the go to insult was "that's gay." I heard it constantly. Every day. Sometimes people said it to me to insult me, long before I even knew I was queer.

I was lucky because the worst that happened to me was social isolation and people using slurs around me or turning my identity into a slur. No one called ME faggy. No one beat me up behind the school bleachers. I was incredibly lucky.

I have experienced the word "gay" used as a slur far more than I ever heard the word "queer" used as a slur. Young "queer is a slur and only a slur" people need to know the world you live in is not the world the rest of us live in. Why is "queer" a slur but "gay" isn't? My homophobic father thought the word "gay" conveyed just as much offense and disgust as the word "faggot." So why is queer the horrible word that can never be reclaimed but people say "that's gay" as a compliment now? The loneliest I have ever felt was in a room full of teenagers who thought my identity was the height of insults. So why is gay fine but queer isn't?

I am a fat butch queer and I do not hide that. My shoes have a pride flag on them. I have a masculine haircut and wear men's clothes. I look queer.

And I am afraid. I dress like this anyway, because I want other queer folks to know I am a safe person. I dress how I do partially because I like it but also partially so any queer person in the room, no matter now closeted, can see me and feel a little bit safer. Because I will protect other queer people with my life if need be.

Because I am openly and visibly queer and live in a world where being queer can get you killed. Because it can. Gay bashings still happen. The alt right are getting bolder in their violence, and that includes homophobic/transphobic violence. There are organizations in the US that are actively pushing to make homosexuality punishable by death in Africa. They know they could never accomplish that here. But they would if they could. People want us dead.

Young people need to understand that. And they need to understand that the people who did the most work to free us from criminalization were queer. They identified as queer. And they weren't the perfect law abiding queers toeing the line of what's acceptible. Because being queer itself was illegal. You could end up on the sex offender registry for being gay. In fact, there are queer people who are STILL registered as sex offenders just because they were queer in 2001. Pride wasn't a permitted parade with wells Fargo floats. It was angry queers illegally marching down the streets, screaming "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it."

Being openly queer is a radical act. It is still a radical act.

I did not live through Windsor vs the united states, the referendum 74 debate, my father punishing my brother for being human with homophobic slurs, and the pearl clutching fearmongering about "the gay agenda" (that was a go to phrase for 2012 homophobes) for some LGBT kid to come at me with TERF bullshit they got off tiktok about how my identity is a slur and I'm a horrible person for using it.

I was a lucky one and I'm still saying "no, absolutely not" to this bullshit.

Queer is more inclusive. Queer accounts for any possible fluidity because people change. Identities change. Queer is there for people who know they're Something Different but are not sure of the details yet. Queer is intentionally vague. When you're young you want everyone to know exactly who you are but as you get older you realize actually my identity is none of your business. In fact, sometimes when you tell someone your identity, you're handing them a bludgeon for them to hurt you with.

If you have trans classmates, you do not understand the world the rest of us grew up in. Trans people were not a public topic. They were not even acknowledged as existing by most people. I didn't know what being trans was until I was like 17. I'm nonbinary now and consider myself trans 10 years later.

And I didn't even have it that bad. But you know what? It still sucked and it was still hard and I can't imagine what it was like to grow up a decade before I did. I had it easy compared to most people.

If you can jokingly say "that's gay" when someone expresses queer love, then you can fucking handle people using the word queer as their identity.

The infighting and policing each other has to stop. You're oppressing queer people with this bullshit. It does not matter what words queer people use to describe themselves when there are people actively killing us. What are you doing? For fucks sake look at the bigger picture. Direct all that rage at our oppressors and the people who mean us harm. Queer people and he/him lesbians and bi lesbians and people who use neo pronouns and whoever else is the discourse of the day do not deserve this kind of treatment. Punch a homophobe and maybe you'll feel better.

#tw homophobia #had to go on a rant because I was thinking about how trapped and afraid I felt during the referendum 74 debate #nothing was safe #no one was safe #we are still not safe #discourse

[ineffable-doll]

Shipping is so much more FUN when you're aspec.

I'm not super fandom savvy, having only ever been active in one of them in any meaningful way, but I am familiar with the online culture surrounding shipping fictional characters together. Something I've personally witnessed is that the thinking around platonic v.s. romantic is extremely binary; a relationship can be one or the other, and a platonic relationship is the failing outcome if you, as an audience member, preferred the latter. This reflects much broader societal thinking, so it makes sense that most people approach shipping this way.

However, when you're aspec (anywhere on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums), this idea doesn't necessarily apply. Suddenly, platonic and romantic are not opposing ideas, they're just two potential options on a very, very wide sliding scale / multi-dimensional graph wherein the significance of a relationship is completely disconnected from its label.

A huge part of shipping culture (again, just from what I've witnessed) is that Explicit Confessions and/or an onscreen mouth kiss are necessary to make a ship canon, and that not happening means Your Ship Isn't Canon And Therefore Isn't Important or Valuable (and gets used as a way of invalidating other people's ships). However, for a lot of aspec folks (and others, of course), romance is not automatically more valuable than friendship, and an end goal for a particular character dynamic becomes a lot less about fulfilling A, B, and C to verify the couple as "real" in the eyes of the mainstream or even the fandom as a whole, and instead is more about wanting to see characters happily in one another's presence. Specifics vary wildly case to case, so I'm gonna leave that fairly broad.

Ultimately, I have found myself shipping characters in the usual way less and less as I've learned more about my own aspec identity and experience. I care less if characters kiss; I care less if characters declare three little words...though I also am very familiar with the history of queer erasure and definitely root for explicitly romantic queer rep. And all this doesn't mean I don't have couples I support - I very much do. But whether their relationship is specifically romantic matters very little to me, with rare exceptions. (In fact, I often find myself "shipping" characters platonically - seeing a couple that would make great best friends being forced along standard, heterosexual romantic beats.) Mostly, I want the characters I ship to be around each other, to support each other, and to love each other in whatever capacity is fulfilling to their arcs and to the narrative.

Or, to put this all in a more digestible meme format:

Allos: If the couple doesn't kiss then the ship isn't canon

Me: but have you considered that the real kiss was the friends we made along the way?

#aspec thoughts #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aromantism #asexuality #aspec #writing #shipping #fandom #just something I've been thinking about lately and wanted to share #this isn't just about Good Omens but definitely applies #are they besties? married? dating? don't care #they just should be around each other and be happy that's it #personal

[findafight]

Currently consumed by the thought of a stobin Hollywood studio era lavender marriage au. They elope from Hawkins and Steve takes Robin's last name (a scandal when the paps find out!) And work shit jobs until they hit it big. (Robin is a trailblazer director who verbally eviscerates people who abused their actresses to get a ""more authentic performance"". Steve is a leading man who shifts into Dad Roles in his fifties. They adopt a gaggle of children so his career isn't as full as Rob's and he is so happy about it.)

They are a power couple for over half a century and eventually come out (Robin as a lesbian who's had a partner since the fifties and Steve as 'just very queer. I didn't have the words back then and now I don't feel like labeling it' and their marriage as one filled with love and respect and caring without romance or sex. Calling it "every bit as real as any other marriage, except we never had the complications of fucking. We loved together and fought together and cried together and lived together. The only thing more important to us than each other are our children and grandchildren, and isn't that what every other marriage is?") to the confusion of nearly everyone because they clearly adore each other and constantly hold hands or sit on laps and call each other soulmates and gaze adoringly across rooms and once said about meeting that they knew, after that first month of teasing and jeering and growing pains, that they'd found the person they were meant to be with. That they'd be together for as long as they were given because to know someone so thoroughly that they know you better than yourself and you know them the same that you barely need to speak but you do for the joy of the other's company is a rare gift to be given, especially so young.

Because they never lied! It's just, people assume romantic intent or attraction when Robin and Steve don't! They're the loves of each other's lives but they are not romantically in love and that's hard for people to understand. Especially a high profile couple who was the Romantic Ideal for three generations. And so when they say they were never involved like that, it's hard for some to believe because those two love each other so openly and intensely and for that love to be something other than romantic doesn't compute.

But on the other hand, they had already been queer icons. Steve 100% played in a heavily queercoded war film in the fifties and Robin had a Way of shooting women and they'd been vocal "allies" since the sixties. They'd nearly come out in the eighties but by then it wasn't just a decision they could make. It involved their partners and their children and grandchildren, so they waited to do so. But they were activists early for queer folk and did their best to fight the good fight (and also 1000% cussed Regan out. As he so deserved)

Idk I've rewritten this post like five times as I was helping my brother move and I'm just. Very emotional thinking of a grand, seven decade spanning, queerplatonic love story in the studio era of Hollywood.

#platonic stobin #steve harrington #robin buckley #OBVIOUSLY eddie is there. idk he becomes an early rock and roll sound booth guy. forget the name #and vickie the set designer who falls in love with director robin when their husbands are away at war #but robin and steve are like completely obsessed with esch other everyone would assume theyre together if they didnt know they were married #there is only so many times you can run and leap into each other's arms from across a room before people assume youre in love #which they are just not romantically. absolute geniuses playing the system to get what they want and also be all over each other #when they come out to someone their brain makes dialup noises bc they def saw how they melt into esch other #robin and steve #steve and robin #stobin #qpr stobin #sudio era qpr stobin fic #mayne one day ill write this lmao #finda's rambles #finda writes stuff #dustin becomes a movie magic man (sfx specialist lol) and works with Robin hehe. #lblglewb #lavender's blue au

[nothorses]

hi! i’ve seen your longer posts on lgbtq+ community, and as someone younger, i’d love to here your opinion on this. i think there’s a trend of the internet where we’ve all “reclaimed” and “normalized” stuff like fruity and limp wrist etc. and often times incorporate queer slang into our online posting, and it’s co-opted by straight people because the queerness has been stripped away from it. what’re your thoughts about that? my main conflict is this: there are terms like “babygirl” or other feminine terms that people use for their favourite male fictional characters or male celebrities they like. and there’s a constant debate about how this mislabeling of cis people is harmful. first of all, i don’t agree that you can mislabel cis people. furthermore, i feel like just like how some queer slang has been normalized, terms like babygirl etc have been stripped of their original meaning which meant feminine. also, a lot of queer people, myself included, who’re not chronically online don’t really care about such discourse. plus, older queer people often subscribe to terms or identities that the internet would say is politically incorrect. so, personally i feel like it’s inconsequential to actual queer issues. but i wonder if i’m wrong in not being bothered by this. i’d love to know your opinion. (even though this ask seems a little all over the place.)

tbh I think you're getting at a couple of different issues:

Straight people "co-opting" reclaimed slurs against queer people because either a) reclamation has made them no longer queer-specific, or b) "co-opting" from outsiders has made them no longer queer-specific.

People taking issue with referring to folks with gendered terms that do not apply, i.e., "babygirl"- your belief being that a) these terms are no longer gendered (through gender-agnostic use), and b) cis people cannot be misgendered.

In general, I don't really think meaning can be "stripped" from a word the way you seem to imply. I do think that words will shift in meaning and collective understanding over time, but this is definitely a longer and less tidy process than what you're talking about here.

People who have been personally targeted by "fruity" and "limp-wristed" are not forgetting those experiences when 16 year olds on TikTok use the words without understanding what they mean. "Babygirl" does not become less painfully gendered to trans men just because you have seen a lot of internet posts using the word to refer to cis men.

I don't really think straight people should be joining in on the "fruity" and "limp-wristed" jokes; I also don't think policing those folks does anyone any good. We don't necessarily know every random internet person's personal history or intentions, and it's not our place to make assumptions or demand explanations. But we can, imo, still spread information and encourage introspection.

People who think they can make those kinds of jokes despite not being a part of the target demographic are usually doing it because they don't agree with those views, and they're arrogant and presumptuous about how they think those views exist or don't exist today- usually because they're young and lack that lived experience. They can learn, and probably want to.

I think we should also apply that to folks using "babygirl" the way you're describing. And I think folks shouldn't be using "babygirl" that way, either. First because you don't know anyone's personal history, you don't know for sure whether random internet strangers are cis or trans, and it absolutely does feel like misgendering to a lot of trans people (myself included!).

Second because cis people absolutely can be misgendered. They can also experience gender dysphoria. They typically don't, because the way society perceives them aligns with the way they perceive themselves, but when we use that as justification for targeting them with shit we already understand to be cruel to trans people, we're really just engaging in garden-variety transphobia in new and exciting ways.

And third because gendering men as women/girls is an extremely common and extremely damaging joke meant to uphold and reinforce gender expectations. Men are compared to women/girls because emasculation is a punishment under misogyny. Applying that punishment as frequently and randomly as possible doesn't mean you are no longer reinforcing that system by engaging in the punishments it uses.

Reclamation is also… not "stripping meaning" from words. I'm not 100% sure that was the implication, but just in case: reclamation is about changing the negative connotation of a slur to a more neutral or positive connotation. "Queer" still means what it always has- but the connotation of the word is now, in at least some mouths, less "you're a freak who I hate", and more "I am proud to be this", or even just "this is a group of people that exists".

This is long enough already, but basically: words do have meaning, we can acknowledge when people are using them maliciously or just ignorantly, and we can talk about that. But don't assume you know everything about anyone- their identities, their experiences, their emotions, their intentions, or anything else. Don't assume you know why someone is using a word a certain way, and give folks the benefit of the doubt unless they prove themselves to be taking advantage of it.

#slur discourse #thats it thats all my thoughts on slur discourse #this is also. why I say i don't fucking care about most of it. I don't know why everyone using every slur is using that slur. #i also do not care. we can say 'people should not do this' and also know that some people who look like they are doing that #are in fact not. #and also do not actually owe you an explanation about it.

[rikaklassen]

CW: COVID-19

Potent section from "Queer as in fuck you" written by anonymous and published by Sour Queer Press which resonates strongly:

What is fascinating to me is that queer community focuses so much on consent. It’s truly mind blowing to see people go back to dance and house parties, large and small events, unmasked. Poetry readings and community care events, all with either no or sloppy precautions that make no sense (fyi, if you require masks you better have a way of making sure people are wearing them or else you are still excluding disabled folks). The irony to me of a group that cares so much about community and being trauma-informed contributing to the spread of a disabling virus is too much. And there aren’t really words for seeing person after person let you down. All in the name of something we (queer militants) have a history of fighting: assimilation. Eugenics in the name of mental health. As if queer disabled people aren’t some of the most creative people I’ve met. And I’ve been so disappointed in the queer community that I forget: so much of the invisible (no thanks to you) queer community does care about covid. It’s the aesthetic, back-to-normal, eugenicist, assimilating queers that don’t care. And it dawned on me: y’all aren’t fucking queer. Your values align with every white woman you make fun of for being fragile, attached, sensitive. Queerness is more than a denim vest and who you fuck or don’t. Queerness means fighting for the very values “queer” (from this point on, y’all queer fuckers that don’t take covid seriously are getting a “”) people are abandoning. We lost an entire generation to AIDS, and the nightmare is a generation of “queers” who are happy to forget how hard we’ve fought for each other. It seems like people think queerness is more about how you look and not about how we move. So do me a favor, stop calling yourself queer. You don’t deserve the label. Go hang out with the boring ass cis hets who go to brunch on the weekend and go to that new restaurant for Wednesday night dinners. I’m sure they’ll appreciate your added spunk and since that’s what you’re assimilating into anyways, just get to it and stop pretending. In the meantime, we’ve been building community, whoever has a filter lugging it back and forth to houses, taking whatever money we can spend on masks for ourselves and each other, watching movies and making art. But I’m gonna be honest, that’s not good enough for me. That’s what you want anyways, isn’t it? For us to isolate in our communities. No, I think I’m going to start calling in our AIDS ancestors and bringing dead bodies and ashes to your doorstep.

Print editon [PDF, 2.6MB, archived] | Read edition [PDF, 14.7MB, archived] | Audio [MP3, 72.5MB, archived]

You can follow Queer Sour Press on their blog or on Mastodon or email them here: [email protected].

Fucking depresses me no one is cautious during deaf events or pride events even though deaf people are more disproportionately likely to be disabled; and queer people are also disproportionately more likely to be disabled. Even more infuriating when one of the reasons why we don't have many queer elders over the age of 40 was because of the AIDS epidemic and we have had campaigns like safer sex awareness and consent as well as distributing harm reduction supplies such as free condoms.

#Sour Queers Press #Antidote Zine #zines #Minneapolis #We Keep Us Safe #COVID denialism #mutual aid #against the fascist creep #queer assimilation #queer liberation #queer zines #necropolitics #eugenics

[rosethornewrites]

A long time ago (2008) I lived in California while getting my MFA, and of course Prop 8 happened. It was ugly.

For those who don't know. Prop 8 was put on the California ballot after same-sex marriage was legalized, to illegalize it again. It was worded weirdly and up to the election and after was a really ugly time, and when it passed it was like a pall was cast over the queer population. Everyone was cheering Obama's win, but Prop 8 had passed, too, and that made it hard to celebrate.

Ultimately the CA Supreme Court struck it down because it created two classes of queer people: those who were able to marry in the time it was legal, and those who could not marry, which was unconstitutional.

At the time I was regularly attending a church service for the queer population, which I'd become aware of at Pride that year, and post-election it was just us grieving and coming together to support each other. We spent the entire election season huddling together for fear it would pass, and engaging in activism and protest.

A married lesbian couple I knew woke up (pre-election) to find that their lawn was covered in Yes on 8 signs, and they tore them down and set the pile on fire in the center of their driveway (the signs were plastic but they were too upset to care; their kids woke up to see the sea of hate on their own lawn). One of their neighbors had done it, and another neighbor let them know who it was.

There were regularly picketing Yes on 8 protestors (including kids) at nearly every corner, encouraged by the LDS to do so, all weekend long, like a constant caravan of hate.

I visited a friend/classmate who was Mormon (but not a bigot) and her roommate came home and started ranting about a car that had a sign that Yes on 8 was bigotry. It was my car and I said so, and she turned beet red and retreated to her room. She didn't have the courage to keep talking shit TO me.

The Catholic church removed a popular priest from the church just off campus because he said Prop 8 did not jive with the universal love of Christ. He became a symbol of the movement against Prop 8.

I hand-made a sign for a protest against Prop 8 he headed after it passed that read "Marriage is about love, not genitalia" and I made it into the local paper (with my back turned).

On my way to said protest, I was wearing a pride flag shirt that asked "When can I vote on YOUR marriage?" and I stopped at a Starbucks for caffeine. A large man decided to stand super close and growl "Never" in an attempt to intimidate me, then left in fury when I laughed at him. He was not the first person to try to intimidate me, nor was he the last.

Sometimes I wonder if young queer folks know just how bad it was a mere 15 years ago, and if they understand how terrifying it is to hear the rhetoric by bigots who intend to strip our rights or worse.

I don't know why I'm remembering this just now. Maybe because Trump won Iowa and we all know his plans.

#queer history #same sex marriage #proposition 8 #lgbtq rights #lgbtq community #lgbtq+

[archerofchaos]

I don't use the word lesbian for me normally. It's what other people use for me, it's who kinda gets it sometimes. But also? It's the world's loosest definition of the word.

I'm not a girl, sometimes I think I'm damn near a man. I've always been of a more masc type essence. My mom decided I was probably a lesbian at like 6 because o just had *that type of personality*.

But then I'm ace. And demiromantic.

And I don't know if me being demiro has anything to do with the variety of people I occasionally have a crush on. Like could I like a guy? Probably not, any feelings I've had for guy friends were brotherly love. But also I've been surrounding myself with genderqueer or otherwise trans/queer folks?

And frequently I end up interested in genderqueer/nonbinary folks, but once in a while a girl, generally not anyone spectacularly fem though. Never a guy, people who are like big time masc leaning but not a true guy?

Lesbian is vaguely correct but it insinuates that I'm looking for someone fem. And I'm not. I'm not looking really. But I really don't care for particularly fem people. I think it also implies an experience of girl/womanhood I sidestepped mostly.

This is the biggest pitfall of language I think, implied stuff.

And then does it really matter? it's not like I frequently have that kinda feeling. And even when I do I won't do any kind of pursuing. There's absolutely people I won't outright reject but frankly? I'm not the type most folks would want to date. I'm an excellent friend but I've never been in a relationship. Also I'm almost always content being alone.

[hadeantaiga]

Won't stop losing my mind over how old stories can still be so fucking relevant. Watching Prince of Egypt for the zillionth time and I just. There's so much that's still relevant today?

There are so many themes of social justice inside it that absolutely fit in today. The idea of a person who was privileged, and who didn't see the harm being done to others because of it, and who didn't care until he learned he had a connection to that community.

I think about people who are homophobic until they realise they themselves are actually queer. And I think about families too? Families that are incredibly bigoted until their child becomes part of a marginalized identity, and suddenly that family has a reason to care.

And there's sometimes a bit of anger and bitterness directed at people like this. I mean, it's even in the movie. "Oh, you didn't care until you realised you were one of us, huh? Didn't see our oppression because you did not wish to see?" And I get that. You've been suffering your whole life and suddenly this person comes along who you remember used to call you slurs in elementary school and now he's all "uh yeah actually I'm one of you"? I can see being bitter about that.

Unfortunately it does seem like, for many people, it's hard for them to care about something unless they have a personal connection to it. I don't think that alone makes someone evil. Lazy would be a better word, or ignorant. It's easy to ignore oppression when one is in a position of privilege. This is not me siding with these kinds of people - this is a criticism of their behavior. Many people do not need any kind of a personal connection to care about others!

But sometimes, it takes a personal lesson for those folks to see the truth. All I really care is that they're on my side now.

I think the people who choose to be bigoted after they are confronted with a "reason to care" are far more despicable. And folks like that tend to lose their children or their friends if they dig into what is now intentional bigotry, because those people either already care about other people, or are part of those marginalized communities themselves, and have no reason to continue associating with someone being actively hateful.

[hot-take-tournament]

regarding the potential sideblog for serious takes: I completely get what you mean. Thinking of things to submit, I came across many many takes of mine, things I feel very passionately about, that I just.... Couldn't really bear to submit to a silly tournament blog. A lot of things that I don't have the guts to say on my main, since the main reason it's "hot" in the first place is my friends' and mutuals' disagreement. The criteria I've been using for submitting is, "if I got 90% disagree votes, would that be heartbreaking? would that be depressing to know, that that many people disagree on this topic that I care so much about?" and if the answer is yes, then... that's too important to me. and i just keep it to myself.

honestly, if you did make a sideblog, I would be more than glad to submit these takes that i held back from. and I suspect that many others would feel encouraged to send things that they otherwise wouldn't, as well.

whatever your decision, I deeply respect this blog, which is rather funny, since i actually have the words "hot take" in my blacklist because I'm honestly so tired of seeing violent discourse about human rights.

basically, it's really refreshing to argue about stupid shit like "what's the best way to write a date" or "am I committing a food crime if I eat my food this way" or "what kind of music sucks". i like feeling mentally engaged and introducing nuance into false dichotomies, and this blog gives me an easy place to do that without having to read questions like "ok but does this minority ACTUALLY deserve rights or are they not [arbitrary measure of Virtue] enough"

that being said I did vote in favor of the serious takes blog. there's a high chance that I wouldn't be able to follow it for long before the Bad Takes drove me mad, and the notes sound like they would be godawful, but I think if you threaten to only keep the blog up for as long as people behave and keep the notes civil, it could work.

and, to anyone with serious opinions that needs a place to put them besides your blog, I often send mine to the blogs transenbyconfessions and aroaceconfessions. they post asks and submissions, anonymously or credited. the goal of those blogs is just to provide a platform for genderqueer, questioning, or relationship-queer folk to have a place to tell their stories without having to worry about horrible notes. just gets sent in and forgotten about. if you want a ping when it posts, you can also sign off as/mention a sideblog of yours. I've done that a few times too.

yeah, i think it's the best option, but it depends how the poll goes

i think in the meantime you can still submit those takes, and if choose the first option then they'll be posted, and if they don't, it doesn't matter either way - maybe it will help just to get it off your chest anyway

i do the read all the submissions, so even if it would make you feel better knowing that at least one person has read your take, then feel free to submit!

#asks #not a poll

[loserchildhotpants]

4, 21 and 27 for Three Princes from the Ask Game ☆

skdfhjksjdhf hello friend!

4] What detail in Three Princes are you really proud of?

There are a lot of little details in Three Princes I'm really proud of! Mostly because they were 'mistakes' that I caught in time and then worked into the story.

So, because of the time period, I'd have to stop and re-evaluate basically every line I wrote, like 'does this make sense?? did [x] exist in 1912??' and most of the time, the answer was 'no' lol such as Dean's wrist watch - I wrote him as just wearing a wrist watch for a while bc I wanted to give him something that sort of personified his limited time to pursue his freedom, something on him that would be a constant reminder (and meaningful when it's on him versus when it's off and left in his room) - it was just gonna be a little easter egg (of which there are many in that fic), and then as I was writing, I was like '... wait did wrist watches exist? People only use pocket watches in the movie, I think' and i checked, and lo and behold, no, wrist watches for men did not exist at the time. Men used pocket watches, but wrist watches were a hot, new commodity for upper class ladies by 1912.

So, Dean likely wouldn't have one for himself, but it wasn't impossible that his mother wouldn't have had one in that universe based on the background I gave her, so i was like 'omg wait it can be a symbol for the limited time he has to let Cas rescue him, to rescue himself, but ALSO it can be a wink wink nudge nudge at him being queer, and the limited time he has to accept himself!'

There's lots of other little things; when picking character names, I chose Temesras for Amara by just researching what variations of the word 'darkness,' existed in proto-english, as a small easter egg to 'she's ancient, she's Thee Darkness,' and then there's Drozdov, which means 'blackbird' - an allusion to Cas' black wings/being a many feathered thing, but also of being something of a wounded outcast.

I had the Moon calendar for 1912 pulled up, there are details in that fic that no one will ever notice or care abt but *i* know skldhjf lmao

21] If you wrote a "missing scene" in Three Princes, what would it be?

The first thing that comes to mind is Sam and Rowena at the end (I'm gonna speak vaguely so as not to spoil it for anyone that hasn't read it yet) - the last scene w them is meant to spark doubt, in a way, bc you don't hear from either of them again, but that was a decision I'd made later on - there WAS a scene after Rowena leads Sam away, but I decided to cut it bc when it's Dean's POV, i wanted the reader to also feel sort of stressed out abt what Sam's fate ultimately had been. But the first 'missing scene' that comes to mind is that - in the chaos, out on the water, Sam and Rowena.

27] How long did it take to write Three Princes? Describe the process.

So, this was a long process! I first made the doc the day after my birthday last year, so October 24th 2022. I didn't start writing in it much until late November, though.

Now, @atomicteaparty really badly wanted a Titanic Destiel AU that was well-researched, and, bless her <3, she likes my writing and wanted it to be of that quality/voice. So, the process first started w me figuring out how much Real Life Event can I tastefully include without it feeling like... idk, like I was making light of a horrible tragedy, then how much of the movie's formula am I going to use, then how am I going to transmute the spn characters into OUR universe, into 1912, and make them recognizably themselves while still having completely different backstories.

I decided that no matter what I did w the real life event aspects, I wouldn't name real people. I don't begrudge folks that do that, i know it happened over a century ago, but something abt it for me personally felt icky, so i decided that ALL the characters i used had to be from spn or made up. Then I watched the movie. I watched the movie several times lmao and I saw that, the existing Titanic AUs for destiel always allot Cas as the Rose-insert, but I was like '... but Cas is the one that initially rescues DEAN! Dean should be the one trapped!' - I decided the suicide rescue was going to stay, and Dean would be my Rose-insert, but he'd still need to be *Dean.* And a young!Dean, too, this is pre-Stanford era Dean. This is early 20's Dean. So, not so hardened, but very disenchanted, loyal to his father - I built him a backstory that would make his personality make sense, and I kept key elements of his persona; he loves cars and car maintenance, he loves cowboys, he is v pretty and is aware of that, etc etc.

Tbh the hardest part of writing any of the characters was Dean. Dean, canonically, was raised by motel televisions - he's all pop-culture and quips. I had to allude to the 1912 equivalent of that, which is why I have him sing a song to himself (if you look up the song he sings when he has his first anxiety attack, you'll find that it was sort of the 1912 equivalent of being in the top 40 lol) and he calls Sam 'kid,' and you might notice that his formal language relaxes around Benny and Cas and Meg, like, once he's in the lower decks and he's allowed to be more himself, he uses lots of turns of phrases and is a little more crass or flirtatious, bc that's truer to who he actually is - so, he needed to use slang, but he also was not a complete street kid either, he's somewhere in between, and bc he really got to KNOW Mary before she died (bc in Three Princes, she dies when he's ~14), he's not AS hardened a soldier. He doesn't question John (at first), he's miserable like he is, and Mary's death still had to be the weight-bearing pillar that brings the whole castle down.

Making Dean still *sound* like Dean would sound in that time period was REALLY difficult. Lots of dialogue re-writes for that. Other than that, building Cas' backstory and making it make historical sense was the next biggest challenge. I needed him to be a soldier, but the only war that he would've possibly fought in was the Russian revolution, so Dean wasn't gonna be his first rebellion, which begged the question, what would Dean BE to him, then.

In the text of Titanic, the movie, Rose represents the upperclass, really, but the best of them - the well-intentioned, kind, unassuming/perhaps slightly ignorant be well-meaning upperclass, which Jack is the equal and opposite to; he represents all of the lower class, the less fortunate, the daring and selfish (by which i mean, he put pleasure before duty), the adventurous and free - which is why he's doomed to die.

I had to decide what Cas and Dean were going to personify here, so that the themes were clear, and then I needed to decide how Sam and Rowena would mirror that, so you could glean some foreshadowing abt what was to become of either couple by interactions had by both.

Ultimately, I decided that Dean personified Faith-In-People, while Cas personified Faith-In-The-Divine, and their narrative purposes would be to rekindle the missing faith in one another; Cas would restore Dean's faith in a higher power (which is why, ultimately, Dean is able to pray again), and Dean would restore Cas' faith in people.

Sam is Faith-In-Self, he's sure of what he wants, who he is, what he's capable of, that he understands everything he's seeing, and he's right! He's observant and self-assured, but he plays it safe; Rowena is his equal and opposite. She lacks faith in herself, she is NOT self-assured when they meet, but she plays the socialite game more dangerously. By the end, Rowena is self-assured, and Sam is humbled, but willing to play more dangerously.

Then ofc the dreaded time of picking a title skldjfhskf lmao strangely enough, this was one of the last Hard Decisions i needed to make; i had a few titles picked out, but i kept coming back to the conversation Cas carries at The Fancy Dinner, where he talks about the etymology of serendipity, which, ofc is a running theme throughout the fic. I decided on Three Princes bc, as Cas explains, in the original story, three princes keep finding things they weren't originally in search of - this is also why the POV switches are limited to Cas, Dean, and Sam (they're our three princes). Cas, Dean, and Sam operate as our unassuming princes that continue to find things they weren't originally in quest of.

Sam has simple, short-term goals; he wants to pet the fancy dogs, he wants to go on the tours, see the libraries - have an adventure. Dean is there to follow orders and do what he must as deemed by John. Cas has long-term goals to get to America, escape old demons, shake off his old life somehow and become someone new by virtue of being in a new place.

Sam instead finds a long-term goal; Rowena. He was just hanging out, having a good time, and then he sees a goddess walk in and is like 'oohhh the odds are NOT in my favor but i GOTTA.' Dean finds cause to deny orders and pursue his own happiness which was NOT in the script handed to him, and Cas experiences attraction and love for the first time completely unexpectedly, which ofc inherently changes him (something he acknowledges he's scared of, during the Friday Morning Breakfast he follows Dean to, when he first realizes he's Changing).

In the midst of writing Three Princes, my friend got really sick, so i flew out of state to help take care of her, and then ANOTHER friend had a crisis and i drove over multiple other states to fetch HER and get her to my other friend's place and keep everyone under the same roof where i could account for them lol launching two rescues was not a simple task, and it ate up 3 weeks i was SUPPOSED to be writing slkjdfhsjkdfh which is why the fic was MOSTLY completed by April 10th, when i started posting, but i couldn't finish editing and polishing before the 14th ; _ ; i lost nearly a month i had allotted for that sdkfjskdjh

And ofc the entire fic was beta'd by @pockypuck (Megh) who helped me keep everything tonally consistent, and historically accurate (to a degree, ofc, it's fic skdjhfkdsjf it's accurate enough that you'd have to be a REAL fuckin stickler to take issue w something in there).

I drafted the fic w Megh in bullet points, then inserted that into my Titanic AU Google Doc, used Outline Mode to keep track of everything, and just ran w it. So. This is an insanely long answer and tbh there's still even more that went into it skdfhskldhfd lmao it was a long process and it's a fic im ultimately really, really proud of so thank you so much for asking me abt it ; __ ; <3 it means so much to me!

asks for fic writers

#izupie #melanie answers stuff #destiel #deancas #samwena #Three Princes #melanie writes #my stuff #u talking to me abt this fic has genuinely been such a rewarding highlight of this journey im not even kidding #i was SO quiet abt the process and writing it for SO long and im still getting comments from folks that refuse to read the epilogue #or refuse to open the fic altogether bc of the no warnings which i Get but also ; n ; #i worked so hard!!!! #anyway #thank u for asking me stuff <3 #long post

[ourimpavidheroine]

so i'm confused after reading your fic is wu a top or bottom?

So listen.

When I read discourse about tops vs bottoms, it usually tells me one of three things: the discoursers either a)haven't actually had sex yet or b)have only had heterosexual sex or c)are homosexual/bisexual but are entrenched in heterosexual norms.

Not that I am saying any of those things are a bad thing. Because I'm not. But I am saying that the top vs bottom discourse is based in heterosexual norms and it seems a lot of folks out there don't quite realize how much it's influenced their thinking about sex.

I want to tell a little story. Bear with me here, it's relevant.

When I got pregnant, my (late) wife and I went to see the midwife for the first time. We had to answer all the usual standard questions - any prior pregnancies, any family history of pre-eclampsia, etc. etc. etc. Crossing the t's and dotting the i's, as it were. However, the midwife - who was a very nice lady, certainly closer to retirement age than otherwise - out of the blue asked us, "So who is the man in the relationship?"

My wife very tersely answered, "Neither of us. That's the point."

The midwife wasn't being nasty, even though a question about our sex life was shockingly unprofessional and wholly unnecessary with regards to my pregnancy (especially as she had already been told we used an anonymous sperm donor from the fertility clinic in town). It surely was not on her standard form! We were her first same-sex couple and she was curious, nothing more to it than that.

But it really brought it home how, in her mind, in order for the two of us to have sex, one of us had to be the "man" and the other had to be the "woman." In other words, one was the penetrator and one was the penetratee. And even though I am sure that if she had taken a moment to think about it she would have realized it was wildly inappropriate and incredibly intrusive for her to ask about our sex life, she was so entrenched in heterosexual norms that she quite literally could not stop herself from taking her focus away from giving us a questionnaire about my prenatal health to trying to figure out which of us was the top, and which of us was the bottom.

(Don't worry, we contacted the national LGBTQIA+ organization, and with the hospital's permission they came and gave a presentation to all of the midwives about pregnancy involving queer couples so that it wouldn't happen again.)

The thing is, though, is that the reality of it is that not everyone has or enjoys penetrative sex. I include hetero couples in that, not just mlm or wlw. Not everybody has it. Some folks might enjoy engaging in both - which is where the term "switch" comes from. But penetration is not required for sex, not even for procreation. (As I am here to attest. I did not have penetrative sex to get pregnant. Point of fact, I didn't have sex at all.)

There is this lingering idea, with queer couples, that all relationships must conform to heterosexual standards. Thus a top and a bottom. A twink and a bear. A femme and a butch. Or whatever terms folks use to define others or themselves into boxes. As a woman who has had sex with men and women (including someone who was trans) I can tell you, that for many of us not only do those boxes not fit we're not interested in them. I have been both the penetrator and penetratee and I've had sex where no penetration happened at all. The only person who expected me to conform to heterosexual norms was a cis, white, hetero dude. The rest didn't care, quite frankly.

Does that mean that there aren't twinks out there that want to get railed? Or stone butches who not only don't want to be penetrated but who don't want to be sexually touched at all? Of course not. There is a whole spectrum of sexuality out there, and people like what they like. As far as I am concerned, as long as those involved are consenting adults that are having a good time, it's none of my fucking business. I try not to put labels on other people that define their sexuality that they haven't already claimed for themselves, however. Most of us don't appreciate being defined by others, after all.

So to answer your question - is Wu a top or a bottom? My response is that Wu is Wu. He's a character who has sex with two different people, one of whom identifies as male and the other who identifies as genderqueer. Sometimes he enjoys being penetrated, sometimes he enjoys penetration, sometimes he presents as male, sometimes he presents as female. Sometimes he has sex without any penetration involved. I have written ALL of that in my fanfic. It's all there. I don't identify Wu as a top or a bottom, because I personally don't think those terms are relevant for the character as I have written him. If it is important to you, as a reader, that I put a demonstratively queer character into one of those heteronormative boxes, then all I can say is that there is plenty of Wuko fic out there that does sort Wu (and therefore Mako) into those boxes, and that those would probably be more to your taste. 🤷🏻

#tone is hard on the internet #but I am not trying to be a dick about this #just saying that I'm not interested in those terms #as a reader or a writer or even as an adult person who enjoys sex

[kurohtak1]

Butch/Femme and the Black experience

So I was workign on my comic triple moon and simultaneously scrolling through tumblr when i came across someones post about butch/femme relationships. As a young lesbiann i was really really invested in those kinds of dynamics. But now as a adult i forgot what it was about. Since i was working on some things for my comic, i decided to freshen up my memory about it.

As I read some artciles and texts about it i found myself getting steadily irked and i wanted to investigate why. after more research, some writing, and thought i realized something. Butch/femme relationships would never work for me. And here's why. First of all, I am a black nonbiary lesbian. A lot of my experience with gender and sexuality are dependent on my race. As a black person, my autonomy was stolen from me. From the day i was born, till the day i die, everything i do and say will be dictated to me based on the color of my skin.

My emotions will never be my own. If i do not act a certain way i am dictated as the violent black person. Or I'm the saintly black person that dictates anothers perspectives on black people as a whole. My presentation will never be my own. Black women are forcefully masculanized from day one and are not even considered to be women under white supremacy and eurocentric standards, and black men are seen as monsters for similar reasons. So what about black queer people? They get it worse.

See, butch and femme mainly meant white people. It always has. If it didn't, why is stud the word used for BLACK masc lesbians? And also, what does it mean to be a femme? What does that look like? Who does that entail? I bet your imaging a white person. And same with butch. It will never work for me or anyone like me because i am black first and foremost. And with the way these articles and texts were talking about it, its almost like they forget that QTPOC exist and can NEVER live up to the standards white gays make up. And that's what angered me so much. Its all so eurocentric. Not just in appearance, because butch/femme relationships are not just based around looks, but the cultural actions/perspectives of how to treat your partner and stuff like that. How so? When I identified as a women, I had a gf, who was white, and they automatically assumed i was a dominant masc person. Why? Cause I don't take anyones shit, cause i speak my mind, I assert myself, I defend others. Black folk are raised to be tougher. To be strong, to not let people walk on you. because the world WILL do that to US!!! Its either that or we die, or we die either way. We have to be one thing or the other ALWAYS. Black women especially have to be taught this. They are not allowed to be soft or emotional. And they are not given the grace to be treated gently with love and care.

But my white partner did not consider this. Perhaps she saw how I acted as being butch, or more masc. Perhaps it was racism. But the fact is, black people have very different perspectives on relationships than white people do. Doubly so for QTPOC. And because this perspective is not considered, it becomes another opportunity for our autonomy to be stolen. And that's the thing, majority of QTPOC experience this all the time. Their white partners treatign them one way because their perspective is another.

I can see where and why Butch/femme had its place in history, but as a black person, i cannot fit under ideals made mainly by white people for white people. And I don;t think they realize its just another form of alienation. And its EVERYWHERE! Its in the atmosphere at bars and clubs and cafes that cater to queer people, its in how people date, it in how we talk and how we write and whos history we pull from.

I mean it was shocking to go out to the bars and the clubs and really feel that kind of alienation. To go to the dating apps and have ONLY FEMS! NO MASCS. REAL WOMEN ONLY! constantly thrown in my face. Feeling as if, if i do not fit into one thing then i am worthless and no one could want me. As if being nonbinary would only burden or disgust a partner. Its impossible to try and fit in when you literally do not adhere to a gender binary, or possibly any dichotomy for that matter. And that's the thick of it. People like me belong no where.

i see black sapphics/lesbians try all the time to fit into these standards. And i tried to as well. But i canNOT fit in. None of us will.

White gays will never understand that I don't think. I mean, many do not even realize there are two very different LGBTs, there's the white gays, and then there everyone else. Really I wanna know how the black lesbians and sapphics feel about this. Do butch/femme dynamics make you feel similarly safe, or is it just another extension of white queerness you feel you could never live up to?

As I came into my transess, as I realized I am nonbinary, I felt so centered in who I am as a lesbian. I became more comfortable with presenting fem and masc and everything and nothing. Because here I felt that I had a say in who I am. When I read about Butch/femme relationships, what once made me feel centered makes me feel out of place. And its because of the new perspectives I gained. There is nothing wrong, obviously, with wanting that kind of relationship. Its just an extension of trying to understand and navigate being a lesbian/sapphic in a world that tries to tell you otherwise. But it irritates me how often these kinds of things are eurocentric to a T, and how white gays never seem to acknowledge that. Butch and femme just seems like another expectation that I cannot live up to for reasons more than just I am neither masc nor fem. For me, if that's not how you feel that of course that's fine. But i am speaking about the experience of being a black enby lesbian only.

I was interested in speaking about this because my story, Triple Moon, is about BLACK lesbians ONLY! Its about the alienation, that feeling that you can never be the standard. Feeling like you have to define it for yourself. And that you truly belong no where. It about that very Black Lesbian experience. And I have many characters who are studs and some who are fem and some who are androgynous and some who are none of these things. I explore these relationships and the conclusions i come to I think are very comforting for black lesbains/sapphics. Our queerness is different for so many reasons. And I like using my silly little comics to discuss these ideas.

#somedays they make me want to not be percieved #i wish white lesbians got this some days #black lesbians how we feeling #lesbian #lesbians #sapphic books #lesbian being lesbian #butchforfemme #butch for butch #femme for femme #let the lesbians be lesbians

[justashadetalkative]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME?: Gossy

(Picrew by Lunevani, found here. Thanks Swid!)

PRONOUNS?: Any non-neopronoun (he/she/they/it)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION?: Discord for any sort of involved conversation! Replies & tumblr messenger are both fine for short-form stuff, though.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: Diamond for the most part; he comes naturally.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: I started roleplaying on online forums ~15 years ago, but I started doing DnD with my parents and pass-a-word-document-back-and-forth style rp with some IRL friends ~18 years ago.

BEST EXPERIENCE?: I don't really tend to think in terms of Grand Moments! I think that overall I've had a pretty good experience just, In General with rp. Exceptions have happened, but they've been mild and manageable.

RP PET PEEVES?: Lack of (positive) ooc communication is the main one that comes to mind. I want this to feel like something we're doing collaboratively, with good will and for the sake of having fun. I do also get disheartened if the initiation of interactions (e.g. ask sending, thread notions) isn't at least sometimes mutual, but that’s like... I don’t expect balance or anything; folk have varying levels of energy and anxiety and idea flow, and that’s natural! I just feel more comfortable with at least the occasional indication of reciprocal interest.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: Angst and fluff are both good! I'd theoretically be open to smut on Discord with the right characters & situation, but I've never actually written it.

PLOTS OR MEMES?: Definitely plots; I am so, so bad at improv, so it's kind of hard for me to respond to ic-memes a lot of the time. ^_^; That said, even when they're a challenge for me I do still like memes! They're a nice way to get new ideas flowing, and I like sending them.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: Long and medium are best. Kind of like with plotting vs. memes, I do best when I have context to build from, and single-paragraph or shorter can start to be more difficult for me to work with.

TIME TO WRITE?: Fffff. Whenever I 1) have time, and 2) can convince my brain to cooperate. It's intermittent, sadly.

.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?

We're all very queer. :P

Otherwise, Diamond's been hanging out rent free in my head since I was literally 4, so. I think there's absolutely overlap there and that it's also just anchored too deep down for me to untangle or notice specifics. xD

My other muses do often take at least one or two ideas, feelings, or questions of mine and extrapolate those to extremes; see where they'd go if they were big enough and internalized enough to be personality-defining. Clemcy and the fear of death, the arrogant know-it-all tendencies. Ithadel and the deep fear of overstepping boundaries, the self-knowledge of being a wet blanket in social situations. Oscar and the genuine belief that the whole point of it all is for us to care for one another and the world itself.

Phosa and Linast are question-based; I think a lot of their character struggles have grown out of my musings on the sometimes-immense discrepancies between who one is in raw instinct vs. who one is when acting purposefully vs. who one wants to be, and the further difference between true internal desire 'want' vs. wistful thinking 'want'.

.

tagged by: @archerwhiterp; thanks! :)

Tagging: @theovergrowth @needleandstory @desertfragments @writedisaster @oflostinfound @hearthtales @discipulusmaleficus

#(trying not to tag anyone Ali already got hah) #about the mun #ooc #tag games #archerwhiterp #writing flails

[gxldencity]

4, 7 & 24 for the 🔥🔥 asks!

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Tbh I don't have a last straw anymore. I use and abuse the block button liberally. If I see an annoying opinion, I block. Sometimes, I don't even finish reading the post because you usually can tell it's rancid from the first 2 lines.

I've blocked half a fandom at this point bc of the constant negativity. I simply don't care anymore. I'm here to have fun. If you take personal offense to that then that's your problem not mine.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Alngksgnw as you're said hate IS a strong word and I don't hate characters really unless there is a good reason for me to hate them.

So when I say I began to dislike Dorian Pavus after seeing how the fandom acted towards him, I don't hate him. I guess I do find him fascinating and relatable to an extent but I also don't think he's written perfectly as some people act like he is. Revisiting Dorian's quest as an adult with a fully developed brain and way more comfortable about my own queerness made me realize that I dislike how Dorian didn't really have agency whether to reconcile with his father or not. I know it's the point of The game to have a choice but Idk a bit more dialogue about the choice could've easily solved that problem for me.

I also have issues with Dorian's Indian coding lmao and have since felt like I was duped. It just feels like a cop-out? Like Gaider and team knew about the complaints people have about his comments wrt Asians in Thedas so they made him Asian—only mentioning it in a forum post or Twitter I think 🫠 so to this day ive seen people still surprised that he's Asian—without considering how to code him as Indian in the game.

Things like his clothing having some influences from the cultures in India or family structures and mannerisms. I mean it could be as simple as Indian coding the people of Quarinus so you don't just have this one Indian coded family in the entirety of Thedas. The Alexiuses could've also been Indian coded.

(An aside there's more layers to this like the unfortunate implications of coding a group of people who own slaves as poc but I could write a whole post about Dragon Age's attempts of trying to put Asians in this game)

Anyway, that's canon lol. Fandom makes this all worse. I could just point at the Orientalist depictions of Dorian in fanart and just end it here but nope it goes deeper. Somehow, Dorian attracted the worst kind of fandom. Like the Solas and Cullen stans maybe louder but I was there Gandalf. I was in the trenches. People were forming cliques around this one BNF and their friends. I was in the clique and it was all good until Tresspasser dropped.

You see this clique hated that Tresspasser ended with Dorian and the Inquisitor being in an LDR—because Dorian was off trying to fix a country—to the point where some of them acted like they broke up. Hello? Okay 1) That is such a poor reading on long distance relationships 2) Dorian...got a phone crystal for the Inquisitor, u know a tech that didn't exist in Thedas so they can stay in touch.

It also isn't enough that they didn't like it. Others have to Not like it as well. I remember talking to the BNF about my Inquisitor and Dorian, how they stayed in touch as Dorian was y'know trying to fix a country and the BNF told me that it was a depressing situation for my Inquisitor and Dorian...even though it isn't and they're perfectly happy.

(An side, not from this clique but I wouldnt be surprised if some of them also held this opinion but I saw some accusations from folks that Bioware is homophobic because Dorian and the Inquisitor are in an LDR. This is how batshit this fandom is).

Anyway, to keep it short, I was 19-20 when all of this happened. I probably said some stupid shit around that time but I should tell you these people were in their late 20s to early 30s. They were affected by a 19-20 year old with just a handful of followers saying stupid shit. They were so affected by the barely adult saying stupid shit that one of them stalked me, vagueposted about me and when I found out they were vagueposting about me, proceeded to gaslight me and told me I was the one stalking them. :)

Not only that, they also harassed one of my friends to not posting their fics ever again, harrassed a friend of a friend for trying to steal the BNF's spotlight 🙄. Come on some of you have fucking children.

I don't think I could look at Dorian in the same way which is a shame because for a time he was important to me but like God, it was rough.

I also have not forgotten nor forgave :) hence why I have the studio behind that chorus game or whatever it's called now blocked :) and would not be playing it. Do not care if David Gaider is the one writing it. I mean he kinda was the weakest link in that writing team imo (and I also hate his prose).

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Very cliche but anything to do with the mages and templars

#elaine talks #im so SORRY about the essay lmao #im okay now though and ive generally put THAT incident behind me

[microsuedemouse]

that whole thing about people making characters in fanfiction talk and think in modern social justice terminology or identify with hyperspecific microlabels or whatever... ties in a lot with many other issues we see in discourse around fiction, in general

the relationship to 'all my media must be Morally Pure' is pretty obvious, imo - making all of our characters talk as if they are fully versed in real-world 21st century intersectional politics, and also have had eight years of deep-reaching and successful therapy

but also, there's a strong connection with the notion of how like... so many people want all of their representation - especially queer and neurodivergent rep, from what I've seen - to be not only present but also *very explicitly stated and described.* which, to a certain degree, I understand, but also... it's just not realistic, nor is it necessarily even the best way to go

lots of people get through life quite happily without the specific language to describe their experience of the world - perhaps even without the full knowledge that their experience Can be described specifically. lots of people don't feel the need to apply labels to everything, or perhaps never find labels that feel entirely accurate or useful. you will see me self-describe with as 'ace, bi, and non-binary' - but I very genuinely do not feel any need to label the ways in which I am queer. I use these as shorthand to let others know roughly where I'm at, and to relate to other people and their experiences... but I don't need them. all three are, at best, vague indicators of where I fall with regards to gender and attraction. many folks will use different words because they're coming from another time, another place, another language. many people will never learn there are words that might fit them. many people won't really care.

in both fic and original work, over the years, I've written tons of characters who are ace, or bi, or autistic, or ADHD, or chronically ill, or mixed-race, or etc. etc., but never use any especially specific terms to refer to those experiences. a lot of them don't even spend that much time thinking about it. in fact, with many of them, it's at most only implied in-fiction - gestured at, alluded to, but never expressly described. frequently it's at least in part because the story just isn't really about that. but also, it's because finding that language isn't a priority for them, or else that they exist in a setting where it wouldn't make sense for them even to stumble across it. (it is, believe it or not, a very Online thing to be as obsessed with labels and language as many of us are in fandom spaces like tumblr and AO3. I'm not saying no one outside these circles cares about labels and stuff, but a LOT of people don't care that much, either.) on top of that, especially when you're talking about original work... leaving things up to interpretation allows your audience to fill things in themselves. I want to build in the space for headcanons. I want my readers to be able to see what they'd like to see. to me personally, the character that tons of audience members can see themselves in, all in different ways, is often better representation than a character who is Very Specifically One Thing. not always! but often.

this is pretty much just a stream of consciousness rn, and I'm definitely not covering all my bases, but it's just... something I find myself reflecting on in fandom lately. you can write a character to match all your headcanons and experience all the feelings you want them to experience without needing them to say all the applicable words.

#fandom #fanfiction #Courtney thinks

[sixstepsaway]

Great post about purity culture in fandom! If you don't mind me adding on, I think another major contributor is Baby's First Literary Criticism. It as been common online to see people critiquing media through queer, feminist, etc. perspectives, and a push for diversity and positive representation of marginalized groups. Problem is, they use that purity culture framing instead of viewing these issues at the complicated, nuanced matters they are. It doesn't allow room for a particular piece of media to be good in one way or lacking in another. It doesn't take into account that one person from a marginalized group's real experience is another's tired trope. If you try hard enough you can make everything problematic. For example, is it reasonable to argue that Ed is a problematic stereotype of as moc because he is a violent pirate? Well, it's a pirate show about pirates. Lucius might be considered the 'gay best friend' for constantly giving advice, but does that really count when all his friends are also gay? And this stuff is so nuanced it's easy to pick and choose what argument is affective against your least favorite show/character/ship/etc. Voila, now everyone who likes, uh, Blackhands is a racist, homophobic, misogynistic abuse apologist. -dd anon

Oh you are absolutely right and you should say it.

I saw someone saying how nice it is to have OFMD because until OFMD the only queer shows we had were things like Queer as Folk and they said how Queer as Folk was bad rep and cringe and bad

and I wanted to scream because Queer as Folk is not bad rep! QaF was representative of a lot of gay communities. Queer people didn't have marriage equality and couldn't adopt, so they didn't ride the heterosexual relationship escalator instinctively, and so their lives ended up looking entirely different. Club culture and promiscuity was a big part of queer culture even as recently as 2005 (and I would argue it still is) and a lot of that is to do with the conversations that go on at those places about consent or just because going to a gay club you are surrounded by other queer people, instead of having to hope and pray someone is like you at a coffee shop.

Good rep vs bad rep is a reductive argument, in my eyes. The issue is quantity rather than quality, which I realize is backwards to how it usually is, but... in a show like OFMD, where you have [frantic finger counting] I'm willing to say fourteen main characters all of which are stated word of god to be queer in some way? One of them bodying the trope of 'gay best friend' doesn't actually matter

because he's just one among many. I'm-- Okay, my labels are many because my brain is a mess, but to boil it down to something simple I'm a bi ace agender/maybe genderfluid person (idk i havent dug enough into my gender stuff yet i've been putting it off like a knitting project), and I do not fucking care about the discourse around Toni Topaz or Jughead Jones

let me explain: in Riverdale there are two characters I just mentioned. Toni Topaz is bisexual and Jughead Jones in the original comics was asexual but has been in sexual and romantic relationships in the TV show.

Lots of people yell that Jughead isn't rep and he could've been, how upset they are he wasn't made ace like the comics, etc etc

I don't because I am an ace person who has had sex and relationships and plans to do so in the future

so Jughead boning Betty in s1 does not bad ace rep make. He's never looked at Betty or whoever and gone (as far as I know, I'm behind on the show), "Man, I am so cishet. I am so sexually attracted to you in an allosexual manner." though I wouldn't put it past the writers to have him say something like that lmao

so maybe he isn't sexually attracted to her but enjoys sex with her anyway. Maybe he isn't romantically attracted to her but loves her anyway (though asexual =/= aromantic but that's beside the point)

and Toni Topaz has been criticized for being a "slutty bisexual stereotype" or whatever, but... she's fine? She's just... a person living her life? She fucks Jughead, she fucks her girlfriend, she fucks... idk, I think she has a boyfriend now I'M BEHIND OKAY

to me that isn't bad rep it's just... a character. Potentially not a well-written character because Riverdale (again, I am behind, maybe it's not as bad as I imagine) but still just... a character

When the 100 killed off Lexa, the issue wasn't that they killed A Lesbian, the issue was they killed the only lesbian, thus taking away 100% of the lesbians from that show at the time (though I think Niylah became a main character later? I don't know. She was just a one or two-off at the time iirc). plus the writer was a toxic piece of shit about lexa and wielded her as a way of getting his follower count up on twitter and then killed her off but that too is beside the point

We don't need good rep or to delete all bad rep from the universe. We need more rep, period. We need more lesbians and more gays and more bis and more queers and more people of color and so on. We need shows with diverse casts to be so common we don't have a metric fucktonne of people looking at OFMD and hoping for Perfect Rep because it's all they're getting.

Queer as Folk's characters felt real. They felt like real people. Brian's fear of getting old (I had the realization the other day that he was, in fact, 29, and I nearly cried), Mikey's fear of being alone, Ben's fear of bringing Mikey down with him, Justin's fear of never being loved, etc etc. None of them were good or bad rep, they just were, much like the characters in OFMD.

Assuming the party line of 'Izzy is a homophobic homosexual', are (general) you telling me you've never met a homophobic homosexual in your life? Bet you have. Lots of us have. Izzy isn't good or bad rep, he's just a guy, and a guy who could easily exist in real life, flaws and warts and all. Violent men of color exist just as much as cute lute-playing men of color do.

Good rep is not a goal we will ever achieve because the goalposts will always change. The quantity of rep, the variety of characters of color, the variety of queer characters, the variety of queer characters of color are what matters the most.

We need more rep, not to be cherrypicking and pruning the rep that looks a little ugly on the outside to some people.

Real people look ugly on the outside to some people, too.

#fandom discourse #purity culture #izzy's dd anon #also anon do you ever sleep #i feel like you're always around #are you hydrated? #take care of yourself please nonnie #we care about you #ask