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wwounu · 5 years

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love talk | lee jihoon

—every thoughtful curve of each letter on the ivory paper, it’s rose pink envelope standing out from the rest of the simple, white envelopes, your heart can only yearn more from the warm, loving words. you yearn, yet, you don’t seem to realise the answer is a miracle waiting to happen

“because of you, each day is beautiful. sometimes, i’m afraid it’ll all vanish, but each time i think that, you look at me and smile. you’re my miracle, it’s you.”

pairing: jihoon x reader + love letter!au

word count: 15k

warning: tiny tiny angst

note: 15.1k words?!?! this may have been the longest piece i have written ever, and i’m still late for woozi day... ah, i’m so annoyed with myself, i stayed up until 1am twice just to finish this, but never did get to finish it! but here we are! if i had more time, then i would’ve been able to write the ending much better, i think the only reason why it became an adlib to me was because i wanna watch vagabond... i’m also officially back — hooray! it’ll take me some time to adjust, i guess, a lot has happened since i’ve been gone, but i still followed svt because it’s me. in regards to opposites attract i’ll make a separate post about that, but for now, i hope you all enjoy this long fanfic! it really challenged me as a writer and, little fun fact, this was supposed to be a minghao fic originally. happy belated birthday, jihoon, i hope you remain happy and healthy for eternity. i admire you so much. (i promise you this is a jihoon fanfic haha — this isn’t proofread either... also iida best boy mwah)

An ivory paper sits securely inside your palm; its fluffy, blunt edge from where it’s been ripped apart multiple other pages, contrasting with neat and straight folds, care put into them. The envelope that originally held the note was rose pink — different from the simplicity of white envelopes — the change unusual but comforting as you read each handwritten curve of your name, a small heart at the end, possibly drawn hesitantly, probably not.

A wave of familiarity hits upon unfolding the contents, simple yet pretty handwriting filling the page, its ink radiating all the warmth from the words.

I thought about you today.

A strange thought to confess to you, but I just felt like saying it, so please hear me out.

You look like you’ve been busy these days, which is why I haven’t been writing as much to you. I didn’t want to be such a disturbance to your studies. Though — as I realised — it’s also important to support you and give the positive reminders you deserve. I know I’m quite late to it all, so I hope I can make it up to you next time… Not sure how I’ll do that yet, it’s still in the works.

I’m getting off track — just remember to take it easy on yourself and that you’re doing well so far. Good luck on your remaining essays! Things will get better afterwards, so hang in there for me, promise?

Oh! Do you know the strawberry milk on the table? That’s for you too. I promise I didn’t drug it or anything, in case you’re wondering. It’s a lame present, but I hope it energises you through the day… Ah I’m so lame haha. One day I’ll give to you in person.

I missed your smile, I hope I can see it again. You shine the brightest when you do.

(Did you also like the change in envelope? I think I’ll be using coloured envelopes more these days~)

Miracle.

You fold the letter and place in back into the envelope, eyes attracted to the carton of strawberry milk, a baby pink post-it note taped onto it saying drink well~ in the same writing. Your hand immediately reaches to the drink, punching the straw and taking a long, refreshed sip.

While you enjoy your drink, your eyes fly back to the letter, mind lingering on a particular thought.

“Something on your mind?” Someone’s voice registers near you, breaking the train of thought. You see the pout form on his lips, face innocent as he removes his bag.

“Nothing, Jihoon. Blanked out a little,” you awkwardly stammer, smiling with the straw in your mouth.

Lee Jihoon — one of your closest friends. Before the term friends, you knew about each other through friends until he found out you were going to the same university as him, giving perfect reason to start a friendship there and then. Despite having contrasting courses (in fact you weren’t in any classes together), you were easily each other’s go-to.

Jihoon’s eyes acknowledge the open envelope with the letter hanging out, soon turning back to you. “Where did the milk come from?” He points to the cute-sized carton.

Do you tell him?

No one knew about your secret, it didn’t seem important to mention really, but it stuck in your mind whether you’d tell it someday.

The letters began at the start of the year, in the middle of a cold, cold January, the wintery hex making you go as far as to forget your backpack in the library. Fortunately, your bag was still at the same spot where you left it, saving you from the panic and fear that would’ve came if it wasn’t the case.

But as you inspect the inside, that’s when you see it. When you see the snowy white sleeve of the envelope, no name addressed, except for simple letters spelling an ode to you on the outside. Curious, you pick it up assuming it’s for you, fingers working to slide across the envelope’s tongue, revealing the note that held your first ever love letter.

Miracle was his name. Or what he called himself, really. Even though you were curious about the name’s origin, it was all explained in the second letter, where he wrote the name as a last-minute thing (that letter was written a week after the first, found inside your textbook).

Seemed fitting for him in your case.

It was strange — having multiple love letters, let alone just one — but through time it made you more excited as you received them frequently, each day being less of please don’t be a serial killer and more of I hope he writes today, ending with a small smile that you don’t admit to having whenever you say so.

The thought alone triggered your finger to hover over the letter, a sudden burst of eagerness spreading inside you.

Time to reveal yourself Miracle, you think, I’m going to do everything it takes to find you.

“Long story short,” easily, you begin, “the milk and this letter are from Miracle.”

“Miracle?” Jihoon repeats, his expression wanting more coverage.

“Miracle has been sending me letters for a while now. I know the point of secret admirers is to be anonymous, but he seems like a cool guy, I wanna be friends with him.”

“And you’re telling me you aren’t convinced this is some prank or...”

“This is my first admirer, be more happy for me!” You frown instantly, fingertips gently brushing the envelope flap. “Problem is, I have no clue who Miracle could be. He could be anyone!”

Jihoon hums, his hand held out. “Pass me the letter,”

“Don’t rip it.”

“What makes you think I’ll do that?”

“Just a hunch.”

Busy finishing the strawberry milk, Jihoon opens the letter, eyes concentrated on the page for a strong five seconds before nicely handing it back in your possession.

All of a sudden, he leaves his seat.

“Hoon?” Eyes appearing childlike, Jihoon only hums in the midst of lifting his bag. “Are you going somewhere?”

Once his bag is lazily hung on one shoulder, he says, “We’re going to Seventeen. We’ll talk about Miracle there.”

Naturally, a smile spreads across your lips. Jihoon never fails to make you float with words — always trailed with gentleness.

By Seventeen, he means the campus coffee shop. Everyone in the university has visited the cafe one way or another, whether it be the Valentines day special offer (which its ridiculous slogan was ‘All orders half price if you bring someone you like a latte!’) or to daydream over the baristas.

Its exterior and interior was as equally impressive. Walls splashed in snowy white and accented with raven black, the sign outlining 7-TEEN in a muted sapphire blue, the dangling chalkboard displaying the specials in chalky rose writing. The inside held a same, homely feeling, following the palette of desaturated pink, blues and whites, completed with the dark floorboards and tables for comfort.

You seat yourself by the window — specially requested by Jihoon — able to see most of the coffee shop and Jihoon’s place in line from the corner.

He comes back with a black mug steaming with heat, a mountain of sugar packets at its side, and a cake for you and him to share (even though you both knew that you were finishing it).

“The love letter please,” Jihoon requests after bringing out one of his many journals, pages taken out and deflating the fullness of the book. You react unpleasantly to the term, handing the item nonetheless.

He sets up the letter beside his journal, fingers holding his pen as he produces rushed, messy scribbles — it was almost unreadable. The words at the top of the page read Miracle Suspect List, a tiny giggle earned from reading it.

“Now... Any ideas?”

Even Jihoon doesn’t need words to understand the utter panic frozen your face as he asks. He huffs a sigh.

“Let’s read what Miracle says, maybe that’ll help.” Jihoon leans to the note, eyes drawing strange patterns as they move across the note. “Hm, Miracle noticed you’ve been struggling these past few days, does that ring any bells?”

“I’ve been so busy I didn’t even notice...”

“It’s okay, you had other things to focus on. Totally valid.” Rhythmically, he taps the pen on his chin, lips pouted like a baby duck. “If Miracle was aware about this, maybe he’s someone in your major. Anyone from your lectures that you can think of?”

Rather than answering a simple no, you think very hard this time. Jihoon does a really good job in trying to narrow the perspective for you, so its your role to meet in the middle. This secret admirer business was harder than you thought.

You think through everyone in your class, filtering them one by one until it comes into your head, radiant as ever.

“There’s Junhui. We chat when we’re in the lecture hall and sit next to each other sometimes, I probably told him about my worries. We don’t talk outside much... Unless!” You exclaim, “Unless I meet him whilst he’s on shift here, then he doesn’t shy away from me.”

Right after saying that, Junhui enters the shop, greeting the cashier at the counter, his goofy smile plastered as he disappears into the staff room with a laugh.

“Okay. Junhui...” Jihoon says, stretching Junhui’s name as he scribbles, classmate and works at Seventeen jotted underneath.

Another person comes to mind, your hand tapping repetitively on Jihoon’s arm as you tried to recall. “Oh, oh!”

“Ow, ow — what?!” Mimics Jihoon.

“There’s Soonyoung!”

“Kwon? Dance leader Kwon?”

“I heard some rumours that he liked me when I helped out with the department spring showcase—“

“You won’t like him.” Deadpans Jihoon, the interruption slightly out of place.

“What?”

Jihoon shrugs. “I don’t like him,”

The statement further confuses you, given that the dance and music departments fit hand in hand, not to mention the student’s between both departments were the most stable (in this case, the drama majors were scarily the lone wolf of the three).

And other than you, Jihoon — being the music department’s campus prodigy and following the cliché — stuck like superglue to dancer Kwon Soonyoung.

“Aren’t you friends?” Your face paints a fusion of disgust and confusion.

“We’re friends,” he confirms, nodding firmly, “he just doesn’t seem like your type. He’s... Gullible sometimes. His energy will refresh you, but it’ll eventually drain.”

“You never know.” Replies you, only focusing at the statement about being your type.

Jihoon continues to write down Soonyoung’s name even after voicing his opinion, small devil horns and a pointy tail doodled at the around his name.

“Better than nothing. Anyone else on your mind?”

“Jeon Wonwoo?” You raise your tone at the end. “I don’t think he’s that interested in me though,” you lips pull into a frown at the thought of the university’s famous librarian slash well-rounded student. He was also your tutor, but he tutored many people, so it wasn’t something out of a k-drama.

Jihoon’s hand moved right away as he notices your look. Unlike the past two, Wonwoo’s name only had a question mark underneath. “We’ll add him. There — three potential Miracles — who shall we investigate first?”

“I’ll hang around them and report back to you—“

Unexpectedly, your phone rings. The caller ID makes it clear to you that you had to take the call. You excuse yourself from Jihoon, taking one more bite of the cake before you head outside, getting lost in your conversation.

When the lengthy chat ended, you walk back inside to find your friend gone. Before you broke into a cold sweat, a light ding comes out of your phone, the screen reading a short text from Jihoon.

A classmate ran into me and they asked me to do a favour, sorry I left all of a sudden. Text me when you get to your dorm. Get there safely.

The gesture touches you, lips concealing a smile. The text also signalled to you that you should get going too, the sky outside slowly blooming into darkness.

Yet as the chair is pulled back for you to access your bag, an envelope appears.

Heart racing, your fingers scoop the item in one motion, rushing to take out the contents inside.

Two letters in one day... It doesn’t suit my style haha. I hope you’re secretly happy about it though.

I saw you in Seventeen earlier, and correct me if I’m wrong, but did I hear you talk about me? The wonderful, most-handsome Miracle?

First of all, I’m flattered, who wouldn’t talk about me? And second, I heard a little more that I should’ve. You want me to reveal myself?

If you think I’m going to give myself away, I’m not. Just because I like you doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you~

It’s your turn to do the chasing now, I can’t wait to watch. This is going to be so fun — I’ll be super hurt if you mistake me as someone else...

Joking! All I’ll say is I’m supporting you from here, I’ll be watching closely! Please don’t be disappointed when you find out who I am. Hehe.

(Before I go! I recommend Seventeen’s Poet Latte, it’s a million times better than the Hope Macchiato. Ask for hazelnut syrup too, that thing is like sweet magic)

Miracle.

Now determined, your eyes scan over the lines again and again, each word being critical yet painfully ambiguous.

That’s when it crosses your mind. His words craft you into the right direction, even though Miracle has the power to do the complete opposite depending on how he wants to play his cards.

For now, you’ll take his words as gospel, aware that he was present at the time you were in Seventeen. All the signs pointed to Junhui, majorly assuming that he was the only one that who entered the cafe, and that Miracle recommended the Poet Latte.

It settled your first target quite quickly: Wen Junhui.

Stashing the letter in your bag, you head outside, eyes following Junhui practicing latte art until you can’t see him anymore, thoughts already planning on certain strategies.

If Miracle wants this to be entertaining, you’ll make it entertaining.

It’s been a week.

And nothing has happened.

“It’s been a week.” Jihoon voices, “And you‘ve gained zero progress.”

Panic stricken, you blurt, “I’m still working on it...”

“We’re gonna get nowhere if you carry on stalling.”

“I know, but I don’t know when to do it—“ Which was partially true. You were just too shy around Junhui.

“Just do it today!”

“Ugh, okay!” As equally as loud, you shout like Jihoon. Geez. Why did he get so hot-headed? “I’ll head to my lecture and see if he’s there.”

A smile shows on Jihoon’s lips. “Great. You can do it, good luck!” He balls his fists in attempt to encourage you, passing the motivation on.

When you arrive you instantly want to go back to Jihoon. By the notice board — other than confused, tired students — stood Junhui, his face standing out almost the others as he points his fingers to one direction while talking to other students of your major.

The students walk in the direction Junhui pointed to instead of the hall, prompting a perfect chance to talk to him.

“Jun?” You add the slight confusion to neutralise things, heart racing. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, hi Y/N,” Junhui naturally grins when he sees you, finger pointing to the board. “The lecture hall is being used, so our professor changed it to the other side of campus.”

“What?!” You groan, the act washed away once hearing about the announcement. “Ah — I’m so exhausted already, we don’t get paid enough to do this.”

“We don’t get paid at all,” muses Junhui. “Should we walk together? Saves you being bored and me being lonely.”

Right, Junhui’s a potential Miracle, act along, you tell yourself.

“Sounds great.” Gladly accepting, you and the male walk together, chatting amongst one another.

Nothing special happens from there. You chat with Junhui — who has a strange calmness when it comes to talking to him — until you get to your class, sitting next to him. The both of you intently listen to your lecturer, taking notes and sharing them, but halfway through the two hour session Junhui opens a new tab on his laptop to play chess, obviously being bad at the game.

You join in, too, helping the clueless man on how to win. It leads to you and him doodling on a sheet of paper he tore out, zoning out of the lecture from what was time to time to completely not listening.

The lecture comes to a close, making you and Junhui realise how much trouble you’re in as your essay was due for the weekend after.

“Come to Seventeen tomorrow,” tells Junhui, “I’ll ask a friend to recap the lecture today and we can go through it together while I work. Does that sound okay?”

Perfect — this was perfect!

A little too enthusiastic, you blurt, “Yeah!” Before coughing loudly, realising the awkwardness. “I mean, yeah. Sorry for distracting you today Junhui,”

“It’s okay. I like studying with you, it’s fun.”

His words, along with the soft smile he has, makes you want to swoon with glee inside. It was hard to tell if he was a smooth flirt or if he was usually like this.

Either way, you said your goodbyes and hoped for the next day to come as soon as possible.

“Y/N, welcome!” Is what Junhui greets to you as you walk into the cafe, the morning atmosphere ruined as Junhui shouts, waking up half the people in there. He didn’t seem to mind though, so you made your way to him.

“It’s ten in the morning Junhui,”

“It wakes people up. They’ll thank me for it when they don’t sleep in their classes later on.”

He tells you to seat yourself while he finishes the next few orders. Once you do, you stare out of the window whilst waiting for your laptop to load, the day transitioning from gloom to a morning sunshine, more people coming onto the campus site.

You even see Jihoon walking with Soonyoung (even though it was hard to identify him under the hat, but judging by Jihoon’s mannerisms it definitely pointed to Soonyoung).

Chair sliding, the male taking a seat as he hands you a warm, rose mug. “A Poet Latte ordered by the lovely Y/N.”

“Thank you,” you warmly answer, grinning at the latte art of a panda with hearts swirled around. “This is amazing Junhui.”

“Doing it is harder than it looks,” confesses Junhui, “and in the end people will just consume it. Imagine that, eating all of my hard work... Literally.”

“Aren’t you going to drink something?”

Junhui shakes his head. “I don’t like coffee.”

Oh?

“Oh? That’s a shame.” You counter, trying to stay composed. “It isn’t for everyone — um — random question but, if you had to recommend a drink from here, what would it be? I’m up for taking some new drinks.”

The excuse made things sound more natural and by the look on Junhui’s face, the verdicts in your head point to not Miracle right now.

He taps a finger on his chin, “Out of all the orders... The Truth Iced Mocha, mainly because I don’t like warm drinks either.”

Uncertainty shows on your face, not knowing whether Junhui was telling a lie or not. There was a high chance he wasn’t, but he could most likely be lying. If he was, he was a great liar.

Studying your face, Junhui speaks. “I’m a bit picky,” he admits, laughing, “my friends hate me for it, but I’m a simple man with simple needs.”

His statement causes you to laugh, the tension in the room quickly gone. Junhui sure knows how to tone things down.

So Junhui doesn’t like coffee. Huh.

You come by Seventeen for the next two days, chatting with Junhui more often as he works. However, you walk into the male while he’s off-shift, a bouquet of pink daisies and a cinnamon-coloured teddy bear sat on the table.

Staring intensely at it, Junhui doesn’t even notice you sit across him.

“Is something on your mind?”

Breaking out of the odd staring contest, Junhui sits up, shrugging. “Which present would you like more?”

He turns the teddy’s head and the flowers to face you. The question shifts the atmosphere slightly, your mind nervous of what to answer.

“Can I have the context?” Instead, you ask that question, hoping the answer would give more indication where this was going.

“I wanna give something to my friend for support,”

Junhui doesn’t hesitate in his answer, but there’s no denying over the pinkness in his cheeks. Although he was still being vague, you point at the flowers.

“Flowers are the best go-to. Maybe the teddy can be for another time?” Nodding, Junhui relaxes in his chair, patting the bear’s head as he exhales a sigh. “Isn’t this something you’d give to a girlfriend or boyfriend?”

The question catches the other off guard, his ears burning with red as he slowly sinks his head into his arms, his face hidden.

“You caught me.” Muffled, Junhui admits.

Caught what? We’re definitely getting somewhere now, you think.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still showing support to my friend — she’s having her first art exhibit today and she’s been working on it a lot — I just... Wanna be subtle but I need to man up,”

One hundred percent what you didn’t expect. Kinda, since you had suspicions here and there.

“Man up? You’re, like, the most easiest person to talk to! I’m sure if you acted like yourself then you’d be able to confess easily to her.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. What’s there to worry about? People fall for you like a snap,” you snap your fingers simultaneously, a laugh from Junhui followed.

“Thanks for the heart to heart Y/N. I really needed it. The exhibit opens in an hour, I should get going.”

“You can do it Junhui!” Cheers you, Junhui getting up from his chair. Out of the blue, your mind mentally clicks. “Junhui—“

Junhui hums. You hold the bear out for him.

“Bring it with you, it’ll create a bigger memory for the both of you.”

Smiling, Junhui takes the bear from your hands. “Thanks for everything... Again.” He carries the bouquet and bear in one arm, his free hand reaching to pick out a daisy. “Take it as my thank you,”

“How corny,” you say, happily taking the pretty flower, “you’ll do great!”

“I’ll see you later! I’ll tell you how it goes.”

Like that, Junhui exits out of the cafe, jogging to the entrance of the campus. You sit back once he disappears.

So Junhui has a crush on someone else.

Your hands search to find your phone, scrolling through your contacts before you lift it to your ear, waiting for the other line to pick up.

“Hoon? Let’s meet.”

“Rather than liking you, he likes a student from the art department?” Jihoon asks, strolling around the town with you half an hour after you called.

You nod, confirming it. “It was hard to tell though, every second felt like he was flirting with me. Guess he was just really good at smooth talk.”

“Not surprised about that.” Jihoon pulls a face, but his arm moves to pat your hair as you twirl the pink daisy. “Don’t act so blue, you still have two more guys!”

“But Hoon—”

“No buts, it’ll work out. I promise you. If it doesn’t, I’ll look for Miracle myself and teach him a lesson.”

You snort, “Jihoon—“

“Oh yeah, you still wanna be friends with him. Got it.” Jihoon grins when he sees your smile, pinching your cheek all of a sudden. “Now c’mon, I know what’ll cheer you up,”

“Do you?”

“Unless you don’t want food, we can just go back to campus—“

“No, wait!” You panic. Great, you’ve fallen for Jihoon’s offer. “Fine, I’m starving anyway!”

With a big grin, Jihoon takes you by the hand and walks to your favourite restaurant.

Days pass and the memories with Junhui go along with it. It was a weekend and Jihoon wanted to meet in the recording booth to talk, additionally asking if you could bring some coffee.

He stops replying after you send multiple texts — capitalised and angry emoticons — giving you no choice but to get him something.

Heading into Seventeen, your appearance catches one of the workers immediately.

That worker, being Junhui.

“What a coincidence!” He exclaims once he heads out of the break room for the second time, a flimsy item in his hand.

“Coincidence?” You repeat in return.

“I found this in the lecture hall yesterday, I thought you left it,”

“But I didn’t go to the lecture yesterday—“

All of your words dissolve as soon as your eyes hit the pastel blue envelope, slowly taking it out of Junhui’s hand, your expression indescribable.

“How did you get this?” It wasn’t the words you wanted to say, but they were clearly in your mind.

“I saw it sitting on one of the rows before I left. I would’ve given it to you straight away, but I didn’t see you on campus… And I don’t know where your dorm is so…”

You analyse Junhui’s face for a moment. Gaining all the evidence you’ve gotten, it was confirmed that Junhui wasn’t Miracle. He was telling the truth about everything.

“That’s okay! Thanks for looking after it for me!” In gratitude, you let your lips spread wide — mainly towards the fact that Miracle is writing after a week (seriously, what took him so long?), but also because of Junhui’s massive help.

Forgetting about the coffee, you exit the cafe, finding a safe spot to read the letter alone. Your fingers were trembling in anticipation as you lifted the flap.

I’m guessing you’ve been waiting for me… If not, I feel really embarrassed because I had to hold myself back from writing to you.

(God, that was so cheesy)

You figured out that I’m not Junhui. Congrats!

When I first saw him walk with you, I thought — ‘Ah, you are taking it seriously!’ — and I’ve been watching here and there, but not all the time because that would be creepy. I also had classes so there were a few clashes.

After a while I began wondering why you thought of Junhui as me. It shouldn’t be a thought I should ponder on too much, but I find myself going there sometimes.

Junhui is really admirable. He has that ability to make anyone feel at ease with him, and overall he’s very bold with his actions — so bold that I even thought he was going to make an actual move on you (totally wasn’t gonna be heartbroken…) — I get why people like to be around him so much.

He’s someone that you easily get envious over. The personality, the social skill, the confidence. He makes it look so easy. Talking to so many people, adjusting to them…

I wish I was like that; I wish I had that confidence. Maybe, if I had that same level of confidence like Junhui, then maybe I’d boldly confess my feelings without the doubts or worries orbiting my mind.

At first I was going to scribble that part out and start from scratch again, but I thought I’d share my thoughts with you. This isn’t Junhui’s level of confidence, but I think starting like this will help me build on it. My heart can feel heavy on some days and I feel like you’re the only person I can go to.

Even if you don’t write to me back, I hope you’ll always stand there on the other side.

Miracle.

“Come with me.” Out of nowhere Jihoon gets his things and starts walking away.

Fazed, you hastily gather your things and begin trailing behind him. He’s always like this — announcing he’s going somewhere at the same time he leaves — and you get the other end of the stick by rushing after the male.

“You’re seriously so annoying,” you grumble without context, “at least tell me what we’re — what you’re — doing...”

“I forgot something... And I’m doing you a favour.”

The last part wasn’t picked up by you, but Jihoon’s footsteps accelerated as he rushes into one of the department buildings.

The building appeared unfamiliar to you, it clearly wasn’t the music department, so you wondered why Jihoon knew which corridor to turn and what level he was looking for.

He doesn’t bother knocking before heading into one of the dance studios, dancers unfazed by his appearance. Worried, you harshly break out a whispered Jihoon before he stops walking and you walk into his back.

“Ow, jerk!” Complains you.

An unknown voice replies, but it isn’t directed to you. “Jihoon?” The male voice gasps. “You okay?”

Suddenly, the owner of the voice gets up from the floor, a black cap covering the front of his face, dressed in loose clothes.

Soonyoung?

“My journal’s here right? I think I left it somewhere…”

“Journal?” Soonyoung juts a lip, completely focused on Jihoon, he hasn’t even said hi to you yet. Unless he doesn’t like you. You hoped it wasn’t the latter. Like a hit to the head, Soonyoung’s eyes nearly sparkle, “Ah, let me get it!”

Soonyoung turns around and crouches down, giving you perfect time to ask what the heck Jihoon was doing.

“A favour,” is all Jihoon says, Soonyoung cheerily handing the ripped-paged book and Jihoon snatching it off him. He glares. “You didn’t look inside, did you?”

Fingers moving the cross his heart, Soonyoung simultaneously shakes his head. “Not a peep—“ his eyes acknowledge you and he immediately chokes on air, releasing an ugly cough. “Y/N! Have you been here all this time?”

Jihoon holds back an amused chuckle. Ignoring your friend, you put on your best smile and shyly nod.

“Sorry I didn’t see you there!” He’s yelling now, and it’s getting the whole room’s attention. “How… How are you?”

“I’ve been good, and you?”

“Me? I’m good too! I’m glad to hear that—“

Jihoon’s voice overlaps out Soonyoung’s, “Picking up my book just turned into a damn reunion,” a puppy-like sulk comes out of Soonyoung, but Jihoon continues to speak, “also, I’ll give you your USB back tomorrow, I’ve done all the improvements you asked.”

Soonyoung brings the other into a sweaty hug, sighing loudly. “Wow, my hero—“

Pushing Soonyoung off, Jihoon clears his throat. “But I’m leaving town for this music course tomorrow, so I’ll lend the USB to Y/N and you’ll get your USB back, then we’re all happy.”

“I’m not—“ you harshly whisper next to the male, pulling him closer by the arm, surprised at Jihoon’s proposal, “what are you doing?!”

“A latte would be okay, but you can surprise me. I’d also like extra whipped cream,” Jihoon whispers back at the same volume. He looks back at Soonyoung. “Is that alright with you?”

The apples of Soonyoung’s cheeks paint red, lips scrunched as he forces a nod. “Sure — sure! Tomorrow, yeah?”

“Mhmm. We better get going now.” Turning to you, Jihoon tilts his head to the exit, promptly looking at Soonyoung. “See you man,”

“Bye Soonyoung!” You greet energetically, causing Soonyoung to snap out of his gaze, waving his hand as you two walk out. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but, it never got off of his tongue in the end.

Once you were away from the building, you stop Jihoon by grabbing his arm, a deathly expression upon you. “What was that all about?”

Although you were mad, Jihoon’s face didn’t flinch one bit at it. He digs through his pocket, pulling out a silicone tiger figurine smaller than his palm. Removing the tiger’s head, the USB is revealed.

Without a word, Jihoon hands it to you. “I finished the thing he asked ages ago.”

“Then why didn’t you give it to him earlier—“

“Because now you have an excuse to hang around him. Use it wisely.”

“Oh. Smart.”

Turns out, Jihoon actually did have to go to that course for the day, so you wished him a text of motivation before mentally preparing yourself to meet Soonyoung.

You hastily make your way to the dance department (that’s what Jihoon said Soonyoung would normally be), but because you were so overwhelmed over what you were going to say to Soonyoung, you forgot the directions Jihoon went to the dance studio.

Dumbass, you curse inside. Now you had to ask people if one, they were a dance major (which was such a stupid question, but you couldn’t help asking) and two, if they knew Soonyoung.

Onto asking the third student, you see a figure stepping out of a room, a bag lazily hung around his arm.

“Oh — never mind — thank you anyway,”

You semi-run towards this figure, watching the surprise spread through his face as you welcome him with a grin.

“Y/N?” Soonyoung stammers, shaking in his place a little. He had a black shirt hugged his torso and jeans to complement the look — it definitely gave a different tone to the exhausted, sweaty boy you met yesterday.

“Hey.” You dangle the small tiger in between his eyes. “Special delivery for Kwon Soonyoung?”

Sparkles appear inside Soonyoung’s eyes, gladly taking the item from you. “Thank you Y/N! Tell Jihoon I said thank you — actually, I’ll tell him that later—“

“It’s no problem,” you can’t help but giggle at his gratitude over the tiger USB, it make you curious on why it was so important, but right now that wasn’t your priority.

Operation Soonyoung is a go.

“Are you doing anything right now?”

“Um… Not really, why?”

“I’m craving some food, I was wondering if you’d like to eat with me… Since you just finished practicing I’m guessing—”

For the second time Soonyoung chokes on the air, hitting his chest as he lets out harsh coughs. When he’s somewhat calmed down, he looks straight at you — a slight pinkness in his cheeks — bluntly answering, “I don’t mind going!”

The answer was leaning towards an exclamation, but a yes was a yes, and the two of you agreed to get street food and eat in the park.

Watching Soonyoung munch on a burger with great interest, you feel like he’s still acting awkward with you. You had no reason why, but the showcase pops into your head. Maybe the rumours were true, but you can’t jump so easily; this Miracle business had to be very subtle.

So much for loud, muses you, Jihoon must be out of his mind, he’s so quiet with me…

To lighten up the mood, you show your interest to the USB stick once more. “So, the stick. What’s it for? If it’s okay asking,”

Soonyoung wipes the corners of his lips cutely, pointing to a bench and asking a can we sit here with half stuffed cheeks. Sat down, he brings out the USB, watching it dangle on his finger.

“They’re music samples for dances I put together. I don’t just work for myself but for my juniors too — they rely on me when they need music for their piece. I can do the basics, but when I or my classmates need something extra to make the piece stand out more, I go to Jihoon to help me. Without him, I wouldn’t have so many students joining the dance club at all.”

“Can I listen to some?”

“Huh?” Soonyoung’s eyes expand, lips parted the slightest. “Oh — oh! Okay. Just give me a sec…”

“Soon, you don’t need to if it’s a hassle—“

“Ah! I owe you one, so, this is nothing to what you’ve done!”

“All I did was give your things back…”

Soonyoung pulls out his laptop, connecting the USB to the device, his fingers tapping against the touchpad whilst waiting. The files appear, some names sensibly and with their correct name (those were probably for his juniors), while some files were called ten-ten, hoshi, rawr, for the ultimate gemini ONLY, NOT THIS ONE.

Those were definitely Soonyoung’s.

“The ones Jihoon has fixed are the unnamed ones. He’s never creative with names,”

“Of course.” You and Soonyoung laugh over the thought, the latter pressing his finger on the play button as the music begins and the volume rises. Listening for a while, you say, “This is super good, I can’t believe Jihoon can produce something like this.”

“Well he isn’t called the music prodigy for nothing. Now check this out.”

He sets his laptop aside, the music continuing to play, and he stands in front of you, breaking into a small dance like it was second nature to him. Such fluidity, well-crafted even though Soonyoung kept a smile the whole way through, rushes of excitement inside him.

You cheer him on, laughing at the sight. He laughs with you too, brightly.

The barrier of shyness between Soonyoung and you begins to break as you meet frequently, Jihoon mainly being the reason why you three met.

More of Jihoon’s colours shone, like the grumpy, cold-shouldered character when he was Soonyoung, but he would still laugh the hardest if Soonyoung told a stupid story that happened over the weekend, or small snippets into his life.

The thought about Miracle becomes less important to you as you slowly value Soonyoung as a true friend. Don’t get yourself wrong — Miracle was still heavily important — but Operation Soonyoung was diverting down another path.

But the one time you spend the day with him without Jihoon (who knows what he was doing, he just left without any word), you accidentally slip into the topic of the rumour again.

Actually, you had no idea why you transitioned into it, Soonyoung was showing you a video of himself doing dumb things during dance practice last night, and after a long laugh with him, it came out.

“To be honest, when I first met you, people kept telling me you had a crush on me,” is what you say along with your laughter, taking a bite out of your cake.

“… Is that so?”

No laugh, no burst of giggling — and when you face Soonyoung, his face is stoic. Despite that observation, his cheeks were dusted in a faint red.

You nod. “Yeah, I didn’t believe them.”

“Oh.”

“Wait — so you’re saying — you liked me?”

Soonyoung grunts in surprise, eyes widened. He shakes his head but as he directs his vision onto the floor, he sighs and hesitantly nods.

Operation Soonyoung was suddenly back on the radar. That means the chances of being Miracle were high.

“Soonyoung—“

“Listen to what I say first! And then if you’re uncomfortable, I’ll understand…” He, again, says with hesitation, eyes concentrated on the table or your hands. “Yeah, I did like you a few years ago, during the spring showcase… But we didn’t talk to each other, so what chances did I have?”

He inhales a sharp sigh, clenching his eyes shut and nose forming crinkles, sucking in a small this is going to be so embarrassing.

Fortunately, you pick those words up. “Embarrassing? What’s embarrassing.”

“There’s another reason.”

Is he going to confess he’s Miracle?

“I…”

Oh my god, he is—

“I thought you and Jihoon were dating.”

What?

“What?” You mumble softly.

“God, that’s the dumbest reason out of the book, and I fell for it.” Soonyoung covers his face with his hands, shielding himself from the weirded out looks he thinks you have on your face. “And Jihoon didn’t wanna say anything about it either, so I sucked it up and tried to get over it. Then, he tells me you were just good friends a year after.”

“Soonyoung… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—“

“Nothing you can do,” shrugs he, “truthfully, I didn’t get over you until the winter break the year after. But I got over it in the end.”

“Still, you went though all of the emotional gain because of me,”

“It’s not like I regret it.” He smiles a bit, trying to reassure you. The smile fades as he faces the reality after explaining his side. “I bet you’re like Soonyoung, you creep, now that you’ve heard me say all of this, so feel free to laugh at me all you want… Not too much though, I have a weak heart.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not thinking that at all.”

“Yeah, I— what?”

Confused at your words, you continue to smile to let him know you’re being genuine. “We’ve become really close in a little more than a week, and you’re an amazing friend on top of that. It makes me regret not being friends with you sooner.”

“Man, if the Soonyoung years ago was hearing this, he would either feel so touched or badly friend-zoned just now.”

Alarmed, you react as if Soonyoung was still attached onto his feelings, ready to apologise.

“It’s okay, I’m not affected,” he beats you to it, which was the most reassuring thing of them all.

“Friends?”

“Friends.” Soonyoung links a pinkie with you, hoping the promise would last a lifetime. He was a precious friend after all.

After the chat, you highlight one topic Soonyoung mentioned. “You thought Jihoon had a thing with me? Why?”

“Probably because I saw you two together a lot. Before he became friends with me and the rest of the department, you were all he’d go to. He cares about you a lot, if you didn’t know.”

“Hoon? Caring about me?”

“You sound surprised — it’s pretty obvious. Didn’t he make you a cake for your birthday last year?”

“Yeah… What does that have to do with anything?”

“We both know he’s a terrible cook — I mean, he microwaved ice cream one time because it was too hard to scoop out — but he wanted to make you something like that for your birthday.”

“The cake was nice though…”

“It took him a month to get the recipe right. He didn’t want my help, he even used the culinary department’s kitchen just for that and didn’t want their help either. And you know why he did that?”

“Becuase it was my birthday?”

“Wrong!” Soonyoung lightly taps your head as an incorrect gesture. “It was because you were going through a hard time during that time. He just wanted you to cast your worries aside and see you celebrate because you deserved it. He told me everything about it.”

Your heart skips slightly, thinking over the fact Jihoon did something like that to make you happy. It was a strange feeling to experience.

“He’s going to hate me for saying all of this to you, but he looks out for you a lot. He notices things, he’s smart.”

Agreeing, you hum, deeply thinking over his words.

Later that day, a stray envelope is sticking out from the front pocket of your bag as you left it unattended. The sweet, lilac hue instantly telling you who the sender is.

You do not hesitate to open it.

Turns out, I’m not Kwon Soonyoung either. Are you disappointed? I can sense your frown right now... Don’t frown dear, I’m sorry for letting you down...

But the game still goes on, and although I don’t know who’s left on your mind, I might reveal myself. Not for now, but I feel a little daring, kinda unusual for me, isn’t it?

Now.

Kwon Soonyoung.

Believe it or not, I’m truly the opposite to him. I’m sometimes glad that I’m not like him, but over time I sometimes dislike it. The things he can do, I don’t think I’m fit to do them. Like Junhui, he’s confident, and he always has his mind set on something. Me? My mind changes so much. I’m a big coward ha...

Soonyoung’s loud too. I could say it’s what I don’t like about him the most, though I’d be completely wrong. It’s simple enough. He stands out. I blend in. A harsh truth I have to come to terms in, but I’m guessing that’s why you chose Soonyoung too, because he stands out. He shines.

Yet among that, you shine the brightest. I know it’s hard finding me, but I know you’ll be able to find my identity and when you do, I’ll be ready to confess my feelings to you to the world. No backing out, no shying away.

I’ll find a way to make something happen, as if my life depends on it.

Miracle.

The letter felt... Sadder in terms of Miracle’s usual way of writing — light and thoughtful — as words become raw. Once you find him, you’ll definitely tell him how much he means to you, even if it was a silly love letter at the end of the day.

He sure doesn’t know Soonyoung either. The dancer, surprisingly, is insanely shy underneath the loudness he has. It makes you think whether Miracle doesn’t think highly of himself.

When you walk out to the campus, you spot Jihoon exiting a nearby building, busy looking at texts.

Soonyoung’s words form in your head again, realising the care Jihoon had for you. And without a thought, you run to the male and surprise him with a sudden hug.

Jihoon grunts quietly, but it only makes you hold onto him more.

“Huh, Y/N? Is everything okay?” You nod into his chest. “Are... Are you sure? We can talk about it—”

“Just shut up and hug me,”

With no more complaints, Jihoon gladly keeps you in his arms.

Six.

You’ve been say in the library for six hours, your paper due at midnight. Although you had eight hours left, you still didn’t fee like it was in top shape. Words felt messy; sentences didn’t flow the way you wanted to; it was just so confusing.

Your head meets the desk the nth time today, remaining at that mental block ever since you had your lunch that consisted of peach juice and a half-assed sandwich that you didn’t even finish. Sure, you came at the library at six, but you were also up until two in the morning to do the minimum of what you were aiming to do.

That didn’t happen, hence, you’re still stuck in this damn library.

The only thing in your mind right now is sleep. If no one noticed, you could get away with sleeping in the library, but not sleeping in the library is better than getting kicked out for a month because of sleeping in the library.

A headache kicks in in the midst of working, deforming your face as you wince in pain, hoping to go home soon. It’s unlikely you will, but you wanted to sleep.

At some point, all you do is stare at the screen. Stare at every blank word on the screen, done rushed or half-tiredly.

“Everything alright?”

Registering the voice, you rapidly blink and sit up, trying to be as awake as you can. Your eyes move to the person, vision slightly altered due to the fuzziness in your eyes, but you could make out the silver framed glasses and hair the fell gently on top.

“Wonwoo?” He responds to his name through the tone of his hum. “Oh, uh, yeah... Not really,”

The librarian takes a seat next to you, a strong, fresh scent radiating from him. It was almost like a magical spell, luring you to sleep. Wonwoo scans the laptop, frowning after knowing what you were doing.

“Due in tonight?” Crap, he caught you out. You nod in shame.

“I was trying to get it done last night but my body gave in... And I haven’t left this library since—“

“Since ten.” Wonwoo noticed too? “My partial job is to sit here all day, but you’ll get muscle cramps the more you stay in one position, you should’ve taken a little break... But that’s a little late to tell you that.”

“I know...” You see the textbooks in his hand. “Oh, you’re probably busy putting back books, I shouldn’t disturb you—”

“These are just to text mark for my next class. You’re fine.” Wonwoo proceeds to stay seated, in fact, he readjusts his seat to sit more comfortably, picking up a book and setting the rest aside. “You must be tired. Take a rest, I’ll cover for you.”

“Wonwoo—“

“Just face me while you sleep, alright?”

You give into his words, smoothly resting your head on your arms as you close your eyes, falling asleep within seconds.

It was a nice nap which you awoke after an hour. An hour wasn’t what you intended, but damn, you really needed that.

Blinking, your vision comes into focus with a book marked with colourful sticky notes. If the book is still there, that means...

“Good afternoon, did you rest well?”

Your eyes direct themselves to Wonwoo, smiling down at you as he breaks away from what he was doing. After a short hum from you, Wonwoo goes back to finishing something he wrote.

The action initiates you to sit up, the reality of your paper flooding your head once more. Though, when you look at Wonwoo’s notes — neatly sorted in colourful rows — you sit and stare at the notes, mind pondering.

His handwriting is pretty.

“Oh.” Quiet, Wonwoo lets out. He begins flipping pages in his book, all decorated with some form of colourful note until he stops at a particular page and brings out a long note with minimal bullet points in.

He gently peels it off the page and locates it on top of your book.

“While you were sleeping I skimmed through your paper and highlighted a few things you could work on...”

Wait, what?

Wonwoo continues, “I don’t mean to sound critical or anything! It’s just — you looked like you were having a hard time — I don’t know much about your topic but I wrote what I thought sounded relevant.”

You read through the list, the points showcasing good arguments and research topics to mention. “These are great points, I couldn’t think of these...” You pout, “You’re so book-smart Wonwoo, I’m so jealous.”

Wonwoo lets out a earthy laugh, his expression a playfully saddened. “Don’t say that, you’re intelligent too,”

“Everyone knows you though — Jeon Wonwoo, the campus’ treasure.”

“I wouldn’t call myself that...”

“Why not? It fits you.”

He looks directly at you, face tinted with some sadness. “I blend in.”

A flashback crosses your mind whilst saying the words and it doesn’t appear into your head until—

“Sorry, I’m distracting you now. You should get your work done, and I need finish this too.” He awkwardly apologises, turning back to his textbook.

Did Wonwoo just... No, don’t dive straight in yet, you warn beforehand, it was like a heated argument between your heart and mind.

As for now, you only hum and work on your laptop, more prepared thanks to Wonwoo’s involvement.

It turns to seven in the evening and you’re almost finished.

But you were starving.

Primarily, you were going to text Jihoon, asking if he could come over and bring food, but when you met him in the morning he seemed busy.

Embarrassingly, your tummy rumbles and it breaks Wonwoo’s concentration at that second, watching you clench your arms around your waist.

“I should’ve brought something else to eat...” You murmur, eyes squeezed shut. Although you thought Wonwoo didn’t hear that, it was slightly the opposite.

The male sets his pen down, patting his pockets before speaking. “I’m gonna go out for a bit. Look after my things?”

Reluctant, you answer him with bob of your head. Wonwoo exits swiftly.

Your phone chimes and you receive a from Jihoon alongside an attachment of his cap covering his full face.

His text reads I’m so tired followed by a crying emoticon.

The image is what cheers you up, catching up with Jihoon for a bit.

You talk about the majority of your day, but you somehow leave Wonwoo out of it all. You don’t even tell Jihoon your suspicions that Wonwoo may be Miracle.

The problem was that Wonwoo wasn’t an open book, so you had to play it safe.

Breaking away from the conversation, you excuse yourself by telling Jihoon you had to finish your stupid essay and Jihoon sends a bunch of hahaha and a gif of a kitten saying good luck!

Eventually Wonwoo comes back ten minutes later, a white plastic bag in hand as he sits back down, commenting something like it’s cold under his breath.

“Where’d you go?” You inquire.

“Convenience store, it was only around the corner outside campus.”

“I see...” Wonwoo brings out the items one by one, finally tying the bag and putting into his bag. Your finger points at a specific item. “Pepero? I didn’t know you liked those.”

Wonwoo sees the box of pepero, and his fingers slide it nearer to you. “I don’t eat them a lot, but I figured it would help you fill your stomach.”

“Seriously? Oh, sorry for making you go out your way to do that—“

“Rather than apologising all the time, can you just thank me for the food?”

Speechless, he knows that you know he’s right. “Thanks Wonwoo... A lot.”

“Anything for you.” Wonwoo flashes a smile, twisting the bottle cap of his drink before taking a long drink.

You pick up the pepero box, looking at its contents.

It hits you for a second time — the pepero was strawberry flavoured.

“Say, Wonwoo...”

“That’s me,”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because,” Wonwoo takes a while to gaze at you, your features softening at the sight when a gentle grin lifts Wonwoo’s cheeks, “because I care about you.”

It’s you, Jeon?

Days and nights pass and you find yourself spending more time with Wonwoo these days — staying at the library to chat, frequently passing advice to each other, each moment getting longer every time you stay with him.

Jihoon notices your change in behaviour, commenting on your recent rejection with wanting to meet up. You dismiss that idea quickly, saying that you just had to check for any suspicions. The ambiguity in itself confuses Jihoon — mainly due to the fact you hadn’t told him about Wonwoo — but he doesn’t ask any further, quietly going back to his laptop.

These chats with Wonwoo upgrade to meeting outside campus: trips to the cinema, visiting cafes or the newest KBBQ restaurant opening down the street, all memories posted on your social medias with some silly caption.

Waking up one morning, your roommate, in an obvious rush, briefly mentions about a letter addressed to you from the mailbox. Your ears throb at the information, dashing to the foot of your bed when your roommate leaves, a pretty pink letter distinct against the white covers.

Clumsy, you manage to open the letter.

I’ve come to a decision.

Meet me at the east garden. One o’clock?

I’ll be waiting~

(Gosh, I’m regretting what I’m gonna do now, apologies in advanced)

Miracle.

You practically let out a squeal, falling to the floor from the shock igniting through you. It wasn’t just that, but the fact the letter ended with a kiss in coloured chapstick — which was probably mentioning apologising at the end. Miracle certainly had a way of driving you crazy these days; now he’s finally revealing himself.

Right at that moment, you phone rings in the same chime again. It’s from Jihoon again, wanting to spend time with you. You feel bitter knowing Jihoon has been asking this question for a while, met with rejection every time, but you end up texting back a not today, something important came up, finished with, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Checking the time, it already hit half eleven. “Perfect!” You cheer, getting up to dress yourself, full of bubbling excitement.

Because of your energetic nerves, you arrive at the garden ten minutes before the allocated time, the green hues standing out next to the bright sky, students enjoying their day either by laying on the grass studying or strolling with friends.

You analyse the place to see if anyone looked like they were waiting for you, but after two minutes, no one fitted the criteria. It turned twelve soon after and you decided to explore around to see if you can catch Miracle anywhere.

Turning to a small path leading to a less frequently visited area of the garden, you spot someone sat by the stone bench. Turns out, you recognise that person.

“Jihoon!” You exclaim, Jihoon flinching at the exclamation. He turns, his frame revealing a pen in between his fingers and a journal on his lap. WIthout any hesitation, he closes his journal.

Hand on his chest after a long sigh, his relaxed state smiles at you fondly. “Oh, it’s you,”

His tone is soft, standing up from the bench and heading your way, an embarrassed, shy curl on his lips — his dimples peeking through — shimmering eyes trained to the floor.

He stops in front of you, taking a gulp before nervously staring at you. He’s in the middle of opening his mouth, but you beat him to it.

You beat him to it, and it’s all the difference.

“Guess what, I think Wonwoo’s Miracle.”

In a blink of a eye, the shimmer in Jihoon’s eyes dull. Nonetheless, you don’t notice it, babbling on.

“It’s why I haven’t been hanging around you much,” you confess to him, frowning, “Wonwoo’s just — really hard to figure out — but after a while there are things that he and Miracle do. I’m pretty sure it’s Wonwoo, I don’t know who else it would be. I think I’m getting butterflies, I—“

“That’s… Nice,” Jihoon breaks out, not staring at you anymore. The journal held on his chest is now at his side, gripped with strength.

It took you a while, but you noticed Jihoon’s tone. “Jihoon…? Hoon, are you okay?”

“Yeah!” He replies with fake energy, but he isn’t looking up. He isn’t looking at you. “It’s great to hear that. I should go before he comes, right?”

“Wait,” you hold him by the arm, “you sound angry — are you angry at me? — did I do something wrong—“

“It’s nothing.”

“Why can’t you tell me? You know you can talk to me Hoon, I don’t like seeing you like this…” Hurt, you try to take a glimpse at Jihoon but he isn’t allowing it. “Is it because Miracle is Wonwoo? I thought you didn’t mind him. I thought you wanted to know too.

“I just said I don’t wanna—“

“No! There’s something wrong and you aren’t telling me about it!”

With enough strength to remove your arm, but not enough to hurt you, Jihoon gets out of your grip, staring at you again, though not with what you intended. He’s glaring at you, fusions of frustration and pain being hinted, but why?

“Everything’s fine. Just leave me alone.”

Before you stop him, he leaves much quicker than you expect, vanishing from the garden; besides, if you follow him, he’d only avoid you more. So all you could do was wait for Miracle to come, in hope that whoever he is will cheer you up.

Miracle never came, nor any love letter from that point.

It’s been a quiet month. Life became static, classes felt like a drag, and Jihoon certainly had no intention to contact you after everything.

You wake up at ten, knowing your roommate went out because of the bed across you done well. Although you were against it, you figured that you should do the same — at least it helps you start the day.

Feet settling on the rough floor, you blink at the stray piece of paper in front of your door. It looks like someone slid it in. Groggily, you walk towards it, complaining as you bend down to pick it up, sitting back down on your messy bed.

It was a simple, white letter. It’s sides were slightly blunt, the page looking like it was ripped out of somewhere.

“Letter?” You question, heart dropping to your stomach. You open the letter with anticipation.

Y/N.

I… I’m really sorry about that last letter. You must’ve waited a long time for me, but I never got to reach you because of my fear that you won’t look at me the same once revealing myself.

I’ve liked you for so long, I care about you so much it pains me to think you have to go through hard thoughts. I remember liking you because of your smile. It was pretty; it was contagious. Then, through watching from my safe distance, I fell for you more and more. Your kindness, your sweet nature and overall comfort seemed to make my fondness grow, it just couldn’t be helped. I was in a stage of hopelessness, but I had to make sure I wasn’t too weird or anything.

From your posts on social media… It came to my realisation you and Wonwoo became much closer.

Is it okay for me to say that I’m jealous?

‘Hurt’ is a better way to call it, but, Wonwoo’s something else. You and him connected without difficulty, and it didn’t take you long for the both of you to watch movies together or have lunch. During that time, you seemed to smile a lot more with him, I almost felt upset that it was all because of Wonwoo, meanwhile I couldn’t do any of that. I can’t make you smile like that. I’m guessing you thought I was Wonwoo — that Wonwoo was Miracle — but no, I’m not. Sorry to disappoint you…

Maybe I’m so jealous because… Because Wonwoo is everything I’m not.

My heart is being poured onto these pages and I’m sorry for my flow, but I just needed to let this out. You need to know before I finish this. I can’t even show my face, let alone confess to you… It’s pathetic. But if I can’t express my feelings the way I do internally, I’ll keep these emotions guarded if you truly like Wonwoo. In the end, I want you to be happy. I’ve never devoted myself to someone before, is that why my chest hurts so much?

So this is a letter — an ode — for you. To thank you for everything. It’s a lot to take in, and a lot for me to declare, but you’re my first love. And before you begin to think negatively through this letter, don’t. That’s the last thing I want you to do. I just think its time to come to terms with myself and my place in your eyes.

You’re still the most wonderful person I know and I want you to always remember that. Writing these cliche letters have grown as a part of my routine, each with memories that’ll remain in my mind for a lifetime and until the next. They’ll remain in my heart forever.

This letter will be last. I’m sad it had to end this way, but let’s think of it for the best. Let’s remember this beautifully rather than in pain.

I love you, Y/N.

Miracle.

You grip onto the paper, holding back the tear that want to seep through.

After a month of silence, you’re given this?

No, no, it can’t be like this. It didn’t feel right at all. It felt like all your fears creeping from behind, pushing you down into a hopeless hole that runs for an eternity.

Like an instant reaction, you do the first thing that comes into your mind: searching for your phone and tapping away on the screen, the cold screen pressed against your ear.

“Wonwoo? Can we talk?”

You and Wonwoo meet half an hour later in Seventeen, yourself ordering a sweet treat to unhealthily energise you. Wonwoo, on the other hand, ordered himself the Real Cocoa, a new order that was added just last week (which was basically their branded hot chocolate).

You do admit that you truly did think that Wonwoo was Miracle, but after the situation, it didn’t just confirm that Wonwoo wasn’t him, but that it was better off being friends with him. Towards him, your feelings never escalated because in the end, Wonwoo was just a really good friend.

“Care to tell me what’s up? You made me worried after that call…”

“Sorry… Just, let me explain all of this to you.”

“I’m all ears.”

And you tell him everything. You tell him about Miracle, the love letters, the strawberry milk, about your desire to find Miracle, Jihoon helping you along the way, even admitting that you thought Wonwoo was Miracle because his actions fit into the actions of Miracle, the so-called reveal, the month of silence after that, and finally the present day: the ode.

Wonwoo props up a paper crane made from his tissue next to him, humming as he takes in all of the information with a calmness to him.

“Do you have it on you?” Wonwoo asks, “The ode — that goodbye letter.”

You search through your bag for the item, handing it to Wonwoo, his fingers unfolding the paper’s contents and exposing their woods, letting his eyes scan paper systematically. His lips move along to the words, whispering a few phrases. In such a short time, you manage to remember most words of that letter.

The male gestures that he’s finished reading by placing the letter back on the table. First, he sighs, head jerking itself slightly. “Wow. I’m flattered that someone thinks of me as if I’m perfect—“

You whack him on the arm, a little angry he had to joke in such a scenario, but it lost some of the tension inside yourself.

“Kidding, but, I do feel slightly responsible. I never intended for my actions to affect him. So this was the last letter he sent? No hints to who he his, not even a name?”

Shaking your head, Wonwoo tuts at the response. “I can only tell you that his handwriting is pretty. It’s also why I thought you could’ve been Miracle too, but guess not, so…”

“True, it is nicely written. Lets just read through the letter again until we come up with something.”

So you look through the letter over and over until every word is memorised, nothing relevant coming into mind.

“Whatcha’ guys looking at?” The unintended scare makes Wonwoo and you jump, Junhui reacting along with the both of you despite being the one who scared you. He’s in his uniform, so he must be working right now.

“Love letter.” Wonwoo states, but you glare at him.

He isn’t wrong per se, but to say something like that out loud was awkward.

Correcting him, you add, “We’re finding out who wrote this letter.” To be honest, you didn’t want to add Junhui — the first suspect on the potential Miracles list — into this, but it was too late to tell him something else. Wonwoo ruined that chance anyway. “Wanna help? We kinda need all the help we can get.”

Junhui’s eyes widen. “Woah, you have an admirer Y/N?!”

Brokenly nodding, you also think it’s better to confess to Junhui as well. Keeping it in will only feel heavier on your load. “Actually, at first, I thought it was you…”

“It wasn’t just me?” Wonwoo asks, surprised.

“Mhmm. It’s just three of you, though.”

“And who’s the third?”

“Um… Soonyoung,”

Junhui points at the letter, “You really think Soonyoung has handwriting this nice? We should get you to an opticians after this—“

“Jun!” Wonwoo nudges him, Junhui laughing.

“Hey, I’m not wrong!”

Shrugging, Wonwoo bends his elbow over the chair, turning to Junhui. “Any ideas then? Anything is helpful.”

Junhui bends over, head moving left and right like a metronome as he reads through the letter, face concentrated like when he was picking between the teddy and flower. You should ask him how that story went.

In the end, Junhui shakes his head. You and Wonwoo grunt.

“Unless,” He comes closer to the paper again, “Miracle wrote this letter in here.”

“Here? How the heck can you confirm that?” You ask, taking glimpses of the paper.

“The coffee ring.”

Wonwoo argues, “But that could’ve been from any other coffee shop.”

Junhui moves back and presents the paper for the both of you to see. “If you feel it, it still feels damp and you can see some of the coffee imprinted to the other side where the note is folded. What time did you get this letter Y/N?”

“Almost an hour ago? It was slid through my dorm door.”

Triumphant, Junhui snaps his fingers. “Exactly! If this note was still fresh with these coffee stains, Seventeen is the only one that fits the criteria because your dorm wouldn’t be too far away from here.”

“Holy shit. He’s onto something.” Wonwoo gasps.

“Did you see who wrote this Jun?”

“Nope. I was restocking items then, sorry Y/N — but I probably guess it was the guy sitting near the entrance by the corner wearing a cap and mustard shirt. A gasp came from that corner and I got a glimpse of coffee being spilt there. I never got to see his face though.”

“Progress.” Inhaling a sharp sigh, Wonwoo relaxes in his chair, noticing your sullen star at the paper.

“We need a little bit more than that though… I swear, Miracle will forever be a mystery— AH!” You yell when you look at the window, Soonyoung’s face pressed against the glass, producing an ugly face. Gaining a reaction from you three, Soonyoung laughs evilly as he walks into the cafe, slinging an arm around Junhui.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere Wonwoo! I thought we were going to that new PC bang you’ve been talking about non-stop! I even ended dance practice early for it… Oh, hey Y/N!”

Wonwoo scrunches his face. “About that, well…”

“Anywho!” Soonyoung interrupts. “I saw you all crowded here, so, let me join in on the fun!”

Junhui picks up the light item for Soonyoung to see. “Can you guess who wrote this?”

Soonyoung takes it from Junhui’s hands, his reading combination of squinting his eyes and jutting out a lip. Furrowing his eyebrows, his head cocks back.

“Oh, it’s Jihoon’s hadnwriting.”

Jihoon?

“Him? Why bring him up all of a sudden—” You stammer, unable to keep the nervousness inside. “Besides, he doesn’t write like that.”

“He does! This is totally Jihoon’s! I see it inside the books he carries.”

“His handwriting his messy. Like really, really messy.”

“I know his handwriting when I see it,” you go mute over Soonyoung’s argument, Wonwoo noticing the argument progressing somewhere else.

Wonwoo takes it into his own hands. “Okay, we trust you Soon, but is there anything else you can connect to Jihoon other than that?”

Soonyoung shows the neatly torn side of the paper. “You can tell it’s been ripped from a book. He does this a lot when we’re together, but normally crumples them and throws it on the ground or something like that when it doesn’t ‘sound right’ to him…” Soonyoung faces you. “You also notice he rips a lot of paper out of his journals too, right?”

You nod, further improved by the addition of Junhui, stating, “Jihoon isn’t great with words either — he must’ve had to write what he would wanna say multiple times before writing the final thing—“

“Which explains why so many pages are ripped out from his book!” Soonyoung finishes for him, baffled.

Wonwoo leans into the table a bit more, propping himself with his arm. “Have you met him today? Jihoon?” Soonyoung nods. “What did he wear?”

“Let’s see. He wore a yellow shirt—“ Junhui’s eyes open in panic, Soonyoung rambling on, “I don’t understand how he wasn’t cold, it’s freezing.”

You look at Junhui and Wonwoo. “He didn’t say anything about a cap, anyone could’ve worn a yellow shirt…” Why were you arguing against this? Half of you didn’t want to believe it, the other half…

“Cap? I let Jihoon borrow mine because he left midway during dance practice. Guess he got bored. Was it white?”

For confirmation, Wonwoo looks at Junhui — Soonyoung mirroring Wonwoo to make it look like he knows what’s happening — who slowly nods in somewhat horror.

After the reaction passes on to the other two, they hurry to the note and reread it together, all the faint murmurs about Jihoon turning into exaggerated exclamations as they get to the end of the letter.

Drowning into deep thought, ignoring all of the others’ reactions, you piece together the truth. “No way — the garden — it was him. He was waiting for me. Jihoon is Miracle. Holy shit, what have I done?”

“Garden?” Junhui questions. Because of your late realisation to how oblivious you were, you thoroughly rub your eyes, letting this sink in. Wonwoo’s lips thin, hand tapping your arm to comfort you.

“At least we revealed Miracle’s identity,”

“It took you this long to figure out it was the person you’ve been around this whole time?”

“It didn’t seem like it was him Soonyoung! And I still dragged him into it… I flat out rejected him that day, he must hate me—“

“Hey, that isn’t true.” Reasons Wonwoo. “You two need to talk it out and apologise. Sure, you took a while to come to your senses, but he shouldn’t have led you on and decide to call it quits last second.”

Junhui puts a finger against the window. “Jihoon’s right over there — exiting campus.” All of you swivel your heads to watch the male walk out of the grounds, expressionless. “You should talk to him!”

“I can get him—“

“Wait, Soonyoung, stay. I think I have a plan. But all of you need to help me.”

It’s a nice day, Jihoon thinks, walking across the hallway, his eyes concentrated on the window and the students in groups enjoying their day. Other than that, he isn’t paying too much attention to anything, music coming through his headphones.

But his phone vibrates, causing him to tap the screen and see what the text is.

Is it okay if we talk?

Jihoon hitches a breath as he rereads the six words over and over, his heart slightly throbbing too fast, the rush of feelings flooding in. He doesn’t like this feeling — or the reason that they came back so quickly — it was like an uninvited guest.

As much as his feelings were at the tip of the iceberg, he didn’t want to give into you. He promised himself to let things go; to have time to himself before acting as if everything was fine.

So, he sets his phone away and continues walking, turning up the sound even though he’s fully aware it’s not going to distract him. He’ll reply to you in a few hours, maybe say his phone died on him, or something.

He glances at his hand, it’s shaking — what the heck?

There’s a prodding around his shoulder blade and a muffled noise behind him, but it takes him a while to finally reacts to the student who stops him in his tracks by standing in front of him. Hanging his headphones around his neck, Jihoon looks at the other with widened eyes, shifting them from time to time as he has never seen this person in his life.

“Jihoon, is it?” They say. Careful, Jihoon nods. “Someone wants to meet you at the lecture hall. He’s… This high?” The student raises their hand to estimate their height. “You won’t miss him.”

“Okay… Do you know what it’s for?” After saying that, he realises he should’ve asked who this person was, but Jihoon went against changing his question. The student shrugs and Jihoon can’t blame them — he doesn’t even know why someone would want to see him anyway, unless it’s Soonyoung asking to eat for the millionth time — “It’s alright. Thanks for tell me anyway. Um, have a nice day.”

Walking away, Jihoon’s mind lingers on what he could be asked, an odd feeling in his stomach the more he tries to push down his emotions.

Arriving to the lecture hall, he takes glimpses inside to see if there was one vacant or had someone that remotely looked like they were waiting for Jihoon.

Luckily, he finds one that fits the first criteria, and also revealed someone packing up their things near the front rows. Jihoon isn’t too sure if that’s who wants to see him, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask anyway.

He steps down the stairs until he’s level with the person, shocked to see it was Junhui. “Jun?”

Nonchalant, Junhui faces Jihoon and forms a kind face when he sees the male. “Jihoon? I haven’t seen you in a while, you doing fine?”

“Oh — I’ve been well,”

“Nice,” Junhui nods in appreciation, midway packing his things, “my lecture just ended. Did you want something?”

Junhui didn’t want to see me? Did he just forget? Jihoon puffs his cheeks. “Ah — no, it’s okay—“ he’s about to leave, but something inside him stops him from doing so. “By any chance, did you wanna talk to me?”

“Right!” Junhui gasps, digging back into his bag as he brings out an item. “Can you give this to Soonyoung? I forgot to this morning since I was in a hurry and my shift is soon.”

Doing such a simple favour can make Jihoon just say no, can you do it when you see Soonyoung again? to Junhui, but he doesn’t want to look rude so he complies to the request, being lent the white cap into his hands.

“I’ll see if he’s in the dance studio.”

“You’re a lifesaver Jihoon, I owe you one. You like food don’t you? Let’s eat next time. Okay?” A grin widens on Junhui’s face naturally and Jihoon, like he’s under a spell, nods the slightest, Junhui finally packing up and slinging a bag over him, walking away whilst humming.

Jihoon gets to relax when he finally leaves, expressing a whole sigh. Junhui’s so relaxed, isn’t he? Not to mention friendly too. Who could say no to him?

Now heading to the dance studio, Jihoon twirls the cap around his finger, his mind still going back to your text. Then he remembers he’s going to Soonyoung, and a funny memory comes into his head.

It’s the time when Soonyoung asked him about you — if you were seeing someone. In Jihoon’s mind, it wasn’t his place to say if you were dating, but at the same time, he didn’t like to think about you with someone else. From what began as platonic blossomed into something more, a slight desire to treasure you for himself, but it sounded crazy in Jihoon’s head.

Therefore in the end, he didn’t answer Soonyoung’s question. Jihoon was also aware of the feelings Soonyoung had for you, despite Soonyoung’s bad attempts of trying to disapprove of it. Jihoon was tagged to not express his feelings, so Jihoon kept it that way. Nevertheless, he didn’t want to break up his friendship with Soonyoung by admitting he liked you too — he wanted Soonyoung to keep his puppy love for you.

“Hey man, what’s up Hoon?”

Jihoon flinches a little. He didn’t even register that he was in the dance studio already. He greets Soonyoung with a wobbly smile. “Jun wanted to give this back.”

“Oh, I’ve been searching for this everywhere!” Soonyoung throws his current cap away and wears the white one. “While you’re here, I need to give you something.”

“Am I being a messenger owl today?” Scoffs Jihoon.

“What?”

“Nothing,”

An item is placed into Jihoon’s hand — a laptop that was familiar to him — and he looks at Soonyoung’s face, smiling as if it was nothing. He couldn’t blame Soonyoung, but it was like a stab to a fresh wound.

“Can you give this to Y/N? I used it to transport some files to my phone. I pretty sure she’s in the library with Wonwoo. They’re familiar with each other aren’t they?”

Yes Soonyoung, I know that, Jihoon grits his teeth. Jihoon shouldn’t be like this; he has no right to be. Why, out of all people, does he have to see Y/N and Wonwoo face to face? Fate was probably laughing at him today.

How sad.

“Whatever.” Jihoon eventually comments, walking out. Soonyoung shouts love you Jihoon! as he walks out, Jihoon scowling secretly. But he can’t get mad at Soonyoung — it was a harmless act in the end.

Soonyoung exhales loudly once Jihoon leaves. There’s a reason why Soonyoung isn’t a drama major, thank god he played it off decently. He finds his phone, lifting it to his ear. “You’re up.”

It’s quite a walk, but Jihoon makes it to the library, holding in a breath. Is it normal for is heart to beat this fast? Maybe not, but it was.

Jihoon slaps himself lightly on the cheek, wanting to come back to the reality of this all. It’s over. The simple words keeps Jihoon motivated to enter the library, quiet and unbothered.

Yet to his surprise, you couldn’t be seen anywhere. Like an idiot, he walks up and down and around the library three times before concluding one, everyone was certainly beginning to think he’s insane, and two, you aren’t in the library.

“Fantastic.” Jihoon clicks his tongue, preparing himself for what’s about to happen. Right now, he wants to kick a chair, yet he suppresses that as he walks to the desk, paper cranes of different sizes and colours filling the sides.

Jihoon stares at Wonwoo, who’s in his own world, silently folding more cranes one by one, multitasking as he reads through a textbook.

Slowly arriving in front of the desk, Jihoon clears his throat. Awkwardly.

“Wonwoo?”

“Hm — Jihoon?” Wonwoo puts down his in-progress crane, tilting his head. “How may I help?”

His chill tone makes Jihoon bubble with envy inside. Insecurity hits. Manifests. Jihoon presents the laptop to Wonwoo, hand running along one of your stickers in the corner.

He either had two options: ask where you were, or ask Wonwoo to give the laptop to you.

Jihoon comes to a decision.

“Give this to Y/N please,”

“Ah, Y/N just left, what bad timing,” Wonwoo pouts, now holding the laptop and storing it behind the desk, “I’ll return it as soon as possible. Y/N will be really happy.”

“Okay.” Forcing a smile, Jihoon thinks he can’t hold this up any longer. It feels like the world is closing on him. “Now I, uh, better go—“

“Before you do,” Wonwoo disrupts, “Y/N left this.” He shows a closed letter, sliding it along the desk to Jihoon. “I think it’s for you.”

Me? “I don’t think so…” Jihoon shakes his head, rejecting the letter. “Its probably for you.”

“Pretty sure it isn’t,” the other holds up a smile, “we’re just friends. Whatever it is, I don’t think Y/N would tell me something through letter.” Wonwoo pushes the letter just slightly, enough to tip over the edge and for Jihoon to clumsily catch it. “I have no idea what it’s about, but the name says what it says.”

Jihoon checks the letters on the flap. Lee Jihoon.

“Oh.” Jihoon says intelligently. He moves his lips to add something, but recognises the person waiting behind him, giving no option but to quickly say goodbye and walk out.

Sitting after much exhaustion, Jihoon unfolds the black letter and takes out the tiny-sized paper.

Dear Jihoon,

This is long overdue on my behalf, so here it is.

You had me fooled.

Fooled you were helping me all this time; fooled that you were just tagging along with this; fooled I was going the wrong way all this time. But you know what? You fooled yourself too.

Fooled yourself by watching me go through each person, one by one. Fooled through pointing out the good things about everyone. Fooled because when it came to you, you looked at yourself negatively. I could be mad — I’d have a right to be — but it’s not what I’m here for.

I’m here to tell you the truth.

The truth that you don’t have to be Junhui to be loved by everyone, or be Soonyoung to catch my attention, even Wonwoo to make me smile ‘brightly’. I want you to be you.

Jihoon who’s always hardworking, the person who brings a smile to my face every day without fail, who I hold precious to my heart, who’s amazing in every single way but stays grounded. You — with a loving heart even though he doesn’t want to admit, that through the stubbornness, you cherish those close to you; admire them, even.

You admire them to the point that you think you can’t get to their level, and it hurts me to see you can’t recognise your glow. Because of you, each day is beautiful to me. Persona or true self, you are held dear to me, because in the end, it’s you.

Out of all possibilities, I wouldn’t have thought you’d admire someone like me. ‘Why me?’ Is what I thought the first time I recieved that letter during that cold January. Though, I slowly loved myself more and more with your words, and I was always on the receiving end.

What I’m trying to say is… I wanna return the favour. Show you how special you are, make you love yourself the same way you did to me.

So please, meet me in the garden? I miss you so much.

I miss your face, smile, voice, the stupid texts you send at 2AM — I miss it all. I hope you do, too.

It’s fine if you don’t come. I just wanted to let you know all of this.

My miracle; that’s who you are in my eyes.

Love, Y/N.

Jihoon begins to run to the garden, heart beating faster than ever. Inside the library, Wonwoo smiles, soon texting you.

Out of the endless possibilities.

Jihoon stumbles into the garden, turning around and round, searching with every fibre of energy in him. He stops, thinking deeply before his eyes lighten — shimmering — when he goes into the direction of the hidden area, hidden behind vivid green leaves and small, white flowers growing.

He sees you standing there, a fresh breeze coming to him. He feels unworthy of being dressed so casually like this but it doesn’t matter because you’re there.

Your hand gripped onto your arm as you’re seated on the stone bench, gently swinging your legs and face sullen yet calm, eyes moving from your shoes to the stone path.

Only one miracle has happened before our eyes

Quietly, he calls out your name.

Your ears pick it up, the quiet call feeling like the loudest thing in your mind, all the messy thoughts fading away. The two of you meet face to face, taking in every curve and expression forming on your face.

Jihoon’s smooth skin kissed with faint beauty marks, deep irises shaking as they gaze at you, eyelashes moving beautifully when he closes his eyes, the hue of his cheeks warming to a cherry blossom pink, being bridged over his nose, lips agape, no words escaping out of him.

He’s just like you remembered him: beautiful.

Even if we miss each other, it’s alright, I’ll find you.

He approaches you first, walking with a little sigh while his eyes concentrate on you. You couldn’t just break away, you were enchanted too.

When Jihoon stands in front of you, he takes you by the hand, pulling you up and not letting go afterwards.

“Hi,” dumbly, you say.

“Hi.” He says with the same tone.

It makes the both of you laugh, breaking away in shy giggles as Jihoon’s lips wobble once more, and his hands begin to shake. You hold onto his hands tight, running a thumb over his skin. “Look at me,” you whisper.

Jihoon looks at you. After all the feelings he kept inside, the insecurities he hid away, the admiration he has for everyone else but himself, he looks at you and it goes away.

He finds it dazzling how you have so much impact on him. You, standing there, and letting every single thing in his head dissolve. Just like that, it’s done all because of you.

You smile, moving your hand to his cheek. Naturally, Jihoon nuzzles into your palm. Just watching it, you knew that you didn’t mind this.

So let’s be in love even more, so we won’t lose this miracle.

Jihoon breaks away from your touch, his hand reaching into his back pocket, revealing a crumpled piece of paper. His hands, still shaky, takes it out, flatting the deep creases made in them.

You remember that piece of paper; it was from his notebook the day you met in this exact same spot.

“Y/N,” Jihoon reads off the paper, and it’s apparent that you can hear his heartbeats from all the way here, “I’m aware I’m the last person who you would’ve thought to be,” you laugh in between his words, Jihoon relaxing along with you, “but I hope you aren’t disappointed. After all, I did warn you.”

He looks away from the paper, putting it by his side.

“So enough with this persona, and time to formally reveal myself. I’m Jihoon and I like you so, so much Y/N. I can’t think of anyone else but you. It’s always been you. Finally, I can say this — no worries, nothing. Will you be mine?”

Happiness rockets inside you, pulling Jihoon into a hug without any warning, nodding speechlessly. Jihoon melts into the hug too, hands wrapped securely around you.

“Say it again,” you softly ask.

Jihoon’s chuckle vibrates from his chest, sending a warm feeling to you. “I like you,”

You smile so much that it hurts, hands playing with Jihoon’s hair. “I like you too, my miracle.”

All the beautiful words from the countless letters sent to you finally come to a reality, its beautifulness more apparent inside Jihoon’s eyes, not able to comprehend such a sight that he’ll cherish for an eternity. He hums questionably, causing you to look at him with shy eyes.

Forever, this was wanted for forever.

“It’s you; you’re my miracle.”

Thank the heavens Jihoon reciprocated that feeling too.

#jihoon #lee jihoon #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #jihoon imagines #jihoon scenarios #woozi #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

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maraudererasmut · 4 years

Text

Catching up on asks!

Okay, so, I fell SUPER behind on asks! Sorry about that, guys!

I’m gonna spend some time catching up on all of them!

Thank you, Anon!! I really appreciate that!! <3 <3 There will *definitely* be more smut in the future! (Like always, I’ll be sure to tag it appropriately!)

Hooray!! Thank you!!

I had a hard time trying to figure out where that line between M and E was, and I’m really happy that I did a good job writing it! And yes, I agree! I find good smut always has a lot of important character development, even if there is no plot.

You’re so lovely Anon! Thank you so much for the support!!

Thank you!!! I really needed to hear that!!

It’s hard to go on a break when you’re writing, especially when you know that people are following you for your story! You guys have been so wonderful while I took the time I needed to sort things out. Thank you so much for the kind words and your understanding!! <3

:3 :3

Sirius has his reasons... And they will be revealed! (I sound so ominous! I swear, things will work out for the boys eventually! XD )

Thank you very much!!!! <3 <3 You’re so sweet, Anon! And so wonderful!

XD We can hang out in the Ravenclaw common room together, drinking firewhiskey and talking about fanfiction! That’s where I’d spend most of my days at Hogwarts, anyway. I feel like it’s the perfect place for me to not be social while also being social, if that makes sense?

@andi-sutcliff

YES! IRL is still alive! I know I haven’t updated it in a while, which is a huge pity. And I’m really sorry about that! I took a bit of a break from it while I struggled with writer’s block, and I’ve just had a hard time getting back into it. I have plans for IRL in the future, and I really want to get back to that. Hopefully I can get some of those chapters out SOON!

Heh heh heh... Thank you!!!

It kind of sucks that I can’t just post my smutty drawings on Tumblr and that people have to jump through hoops just to see them... I’m really glad you liked it! :D :D

AH!! THANK YOU!!!

I want to continue it really badly! I’m so used to doing fan stuff, I forgot how fun it was just to make original content. I was SO nervous about posting it, because I know people follow me for my HP stuff, but the love and support was almost overwhelming, it was so amazing!!

I have plans to continue it. It’s nice because a lot of it is drawn from personal experience, so I only have to dig deep to find out what the plot is. :P

@oliviasaxophone

Black and White is not done yet, don’t worry! I have a WAYS to go. I was hit by a plot bunny the other night and began writing a bit of an outline for the future plot points (which is super unusual for me! I never outline!). I’m VERY excited to see where it goes! The one downside? It might take a bit longer to finish than I ever anticipated. Ooops! :shrug:

SOON!

Chapter 37 is written, it just needs me to go back and re-read/edit it! It’s a doozey, let me tell you. I did a wordcount, and it’s my longest chapter yet. That’s on me. There was a LOT that I wanted to fit in. So... prepare yourselves!!

I love all of you guys SO much!! Thank you for sending in asks, and thank you SO much for being so supportive while I took the time to take care of myself! You’re wonderful, amazing human beings! <3 <3

#ask me things #ask me stuff #ask maraudererasmut #black and white ask #t talks #answering asks #anon ask #anonymous ask

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hphmbang2020 · 4 years

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Merry Christmas, Kyril!

@kyril-hphm

From your Secret Santa, @unoriginal2tall

Kyril used his thumb and forefinger to rub his eyes before he returned his glasses to their rightful place. He was exhausted. He'd always kept busy during his time at Hogwarts. Between classes, the vaults, and maintaining some semblance of a social life, he was used to late nights and even the occasional all nighter. But with the start of sixth year came an increase in schoolwork that had seriously eaten into his sleep schedule. Still he opened his eyes and, with a weary sigh, resumed work on his partially finished potion.

Potions class was always difficult when one was tired. The cool, damp air of the dungeons came into contrast with the warmth of the fires used to heat the cauldrons. There was even the risk of pleasant smells and vapors filling the air, though that was dependent on the potion to be brewed for the day. Today's assignment was perhaps the worst offender of all, amortentia. The most powerful love potion in the world. Even some of the ingredients smelled nice on their own. All of these things combined and seemed to drag Kyril's eyelids down repeatedly. He should have taken a wide-eye potion this morning.

Somehow he managed to keep his eyes open and his hands moving. Just a few more steps and then class would be over. As he leaned closer to stir, the warm vapors began to wash over him and threatened to close his eyes once more. Concentrate Kyril. Think about something to keep your mind working. The Christmas holiday approached quickly and planning for that should be enough excitement to drive off his weariness. He glanced aside to his table mate Merula Snyde, occasional thorn in his side and yet somehow still fun to be around. She always stayed for Christmas, but what exactly could the two Slytherins do together? Hopefully something that did not end in yet another duel. Kyril's mind searched and a possibility began to play out for him.

-------------------------------------------------

Kyril found himself in the warm and inviting Three Broomsticks, its interior decorated in all manner of bright Christmas decorations. He sat in a corner booth by himself near the fireplace, a thick book open on the table next to an untouched butterbeer. Before he had time to consider why he was here, his table was suddenly approached by Merula. She wore a plain green sweater under a heavy black coat and had a butterbeer in hand.

"Vasiley. Spending time with all your friends I see," she quipped while she sauntered up to the table.

"Snyde. Yes, they were just listing all your best qualities," he replied coolly, his face composed and calm as ever.

She set her drink on the table and threw her coat off into the booth. "Well, allow me to interrupt then," she said as she slid herself onto the seat across from him. She eyed his still full drink. "Are you going to babysit that all night or what?" Merula asked derisively.

"I will drink at my own pace, thank you. Not everything has to be a competition between us," came Kyril's retort as he tried to re-focus on his book. For some strange reason he was having difficulty making out the words.

The girl's face became mischievous. "Oh I see. Afraid to lose are we?" she taunted. Merula grabbed her drink and quickly gulped down a fifth of the sickly sweet liquid. "Ahhhhhh!" she let out an exaggerated gasp as she set the mug down and then wiped a bit of liquid from the corner of her mouth.

"Your childish tactics won't work on me anymore Snyde," Kyril said though his eyes involuntarily flickered between her mug and his own. He was not going to fall for this. That was until she began to reach for her drink once more. He was not losing, even in a contest that was objectively stupid and childish. He snatched his own mug and began to chug. With that the race was on.

Some time later both teenagers struggled to finish a fifth mug. A pair of stomachs rebelled against all the liquid and sugar that had been forced upon them. The two locked eyes, each determined not to lose. "Ready to give up Snyde? You don't look so good," Kyril asked.

"In your dreams Vasiley. You're looking fairly pale yourself. Well, paler," she fired back. Damn her.

Both Slytherins knocked back the rest of their drinks and slammed their glasses onto the table at the same time. Kyril waited a moment for his stomach to calm slightly. This couldn't continue, else one or both of them would have to vomit. However he knew that neither of them would want to lose. Then he got an idea. "You know, we could call it a draw. If you'd like," Kyril offered.

"Pffft. A draw? Why would I want to draw? I'm the most powerful..." she began before she paused with a look of unease. "I suppose in the spirit of Christmas I could accept a draw. Think of it as my gift to you," the girl added with false confidence.

"Wow, you are so generous," he sarcastically replied with a roll of his eyes. Still he breathed a sigh of relief that the silly competition had come to an end. "Care to walk back to the castle?"

Merula responded with a shrug and a disinterested, "Yeah, alright I guess." She wasn't quite able to hide the slight twitch of her lips that threatened to become a smile if left unchecked though.

The pair slowly got up, put on their heavy coats, and made their way to the door. Neither wanted to move particularly fast after all the butterbeer they'd just drank. That was until they got outside and began to trudge through the snow, all exposed skin feeling the bite of the bitterly cold December air. A few warming charms helped mitigate this, but still neither wanted to stay outside for any longer than they had to.

"Hey Kyril!" he heard a familiar voice call from behind. He turned towards the sound, but when he did the entire world swirled around him. There was darkness for the blink of an eye and then he no longer walked through the cold snow of Hogsmeade with Merula. Instead he found he had just entered the heat filled Hogwarts kitchens, also decorated for the Christmas season, and was being approached by the lovable rogue Jae Kim in his trademark yellow hoodie. It was then Kyril realized that that was the voice he'd heard.

"Hey Jae," he replied automatically in his confusion.

"What brings you to my home away from home?" Jae asked curiously. "Didn't think I'd get to see you in detention again."

"I'm not sure," Kyril responded honestly, still taken aback by his sudden change in surroundings. "Wait how did you manage to get detention over Christmas?"

"Ah ah ah," Jae said with a sarcastic wag of his finger. "I can't just go around giving away my secrets like that."

Kyril couldn't help a small smile at his friend's flippant answer. Knowing Jae there were any number of infractions that could be the cause of his Christmastime captivity. Most likely it was a combination of multiple offenses. Kyril adjusted the glasses that had become slightly askew on his face before he replied sarcastically, "Yes, well I suppose you wouldn't want anyone to imitate you."

"Exactly. There can only be one Jae Kim in the school or it would never survive," Jae said in a way that almost seemed like bragging. "Say, since you're here, care to help with some dishes?" The Gryffindor's eyes seemed to grow twice as large as he asked, and Kyril swore to himself. Surely he had better things to do than dishes, and yet...

"Sigh. Fine. I will help with some dishes," the Slytherin accepted with a heavy emphasis on the word some. This was not going to end up like the time Jae tricked him into doing all the work for the day.

"Hooray," the shifty Gryffindor exclaimed. "Glad I've got my old work flirt back." With this he gave a wink and headed off to one of the many sinks piled high with dishes, followed by a Kyril who had failed to keep himself from blushing.

They each rolled up their sleeves and got to work scrubbing, rinsing, and drying dish after dish. As they moved around each other to get things put away, Jae began to get playful. He'd bump into Kyril with his hips or run his hand across Kyril's shoulders. The Slytherin couldn't determine whether he was more annoyed or excited by this.

"Would you mind helping me get something from the storage cupboard?" Jae whispered into his ear as they neared the end of their pile of dishes.

Kyril gulped and then watched the other boy head towards the main storage cupboard. After a moment's hesitation he followed. When he got there he saw Jae playfully launch himself onto a large sack of flour, which exploded and filled the room with the white powder. As Kyril attempted to clear the air of flour it suddenly changed to a clump of snow falling from a tree branch right onto him.

"Kyril! Are you alright?" he heard a concerned girl say from nearby. Was that Chiara? His suspicions were confirmed when moments later he had cleared the snow from his face enough to see. As she drew near him she used her wand to quickly dry him off and warm him. Bless her healer training.

Kyril removed his glasses to clean the snow off of them. "Chiara. Yes I am now, thanks to you," he answered her. This earned him one of her big smiles that always brightened his day. She had on a heavy coat with a Hufflepuff color scheme and badger crest. "What are you doing out here in the snow anyway?" the boy asked while he looked at his surroundings. They seemed to be on the outskirts of the forbidden forest.

"Oh, I brought some friends to play with Borf for a bit," the cheerful Puff answered as she gestured to a trio of crups following after her. Two were white with light brown spots, and the third had a coat that was fully chocolate brown. They bound their way through the snow and began sniffing the Slytherin boy. "Come on out Borf!" Chiara called further into the forest, and moments later the large grey werewolf pup came running out of the forest through the snow. He made his way to the werewolf girl and received the pats on his head he wanted.

Kyril bent down and began to pet the crups. They were quite cute and all seemed full of energy, six tails wagged about and occasionally sent bits of snow flying this way or that. It was then the boy had an idea. "Chiara, do you think they'd enjoy playing with me in my animagus form?" he asked curiously.

"Kyril that's brilliant, they'd love it!" she exclaimed as she ran over and gave him a hug that warmed him more than her spells had earlier. Well alright then.

His question answered he used the magic that was now a part of him to change his form. He leaned forward and by the time his hands would have hit the ground they had already changed into large paws covered in white fur. Where once stood a proud and stoic Slytherin now sat the big furry body of a Samoyed. The crups and werewolf pup were confused briefly, before they began to jump around and bark with excitement at the new furred friend that had suddenly appeared.

Kyril had always found his animagus form freeing. It was as though leaving his human form behind also left behind all of his problems, at least temporarily. He hopped through the snow to a nearby tree and began to dig. After a moment he found the treasure he'd been looking for, a large and sturdy stick. He picked it up in his mouth and showed it to the other animals. Then without warning he took off in a run away from the group. As he had hoped there were soon four sets of paws that chased after him.

He didn't know how long he played with the crups and Borf. They'd played keep away with the stick and after that was some basic play fighting that all canines do. Chiara even got involved by throwing different sticks she found for them to chase. What he did know is that he was exhausted by the time he'd transformed back and taken a seat on a fallen log next to Chiara. He took a moment to catch his breath before speaking. "Pant. That was fun. I don't often get the chance to get loose like that," he eventually stated.

"I'm glad you got to enjoy yourself. And that all of them got to have a good time," she added while pointing to the group of canines that had gathered around them to lay down. They too seemed to have been worn out by all the playing. Chiara moved a little closer to Kyril before she wordlessly rested her head on his shoulder.

They sat there in silence for a while, before Chiara eventually stood up and stretched. "Well, I should probably be getting these crups back to Kettleburn soon. I'm glad I ran into you. I think everyone had a great time," the cheerful teen said. She collected the crups and began to make her way out of the sparse treeline they were in.

"I'll join you," Kyril called after her as he rose to join her. As he caught up to her they passed between two trees and the world turned on its head again. He tripped and fell towards the forest floor. Only instead of grass, roots, and snow he found himself on a stone floor covered in straw. He looked about enough to realize he was in the owlery before he attempted to stand.

It was then he noticed he was no longer in his usual sweater and slacks. No he was in a floor length light turquoise dress that hugged his slim figure closely. His white hair had been lengthened to fall past his shoulders, but fortunately he was in matching turquoise flats and not heels. He didn't know how, but somehow Dariah was behind this.

As he made his way toward the exit though, he heard the door open. Damn, someone must be here to send a letter. He quickly looked around and decided the balcony was the best place to stay out of the newcomer's way. Hopefully they'd mail their letter and leave without paying him much mind. He made his way to the edge and immediately regretted the decision as he realized he didn't have a coat on. Still he went up to the railing to look out over the grounds of Hogwarts. He didn't often see the view from up here since his common room was in the dungeon and not one of the castle's towers.

He heard footsteps enter the owlery and then stop in the middle of the floor. Crap, they must have spotted him. Kyril just hoped it wasn't someone he knew. Seconds later, his hopes were dashed when he clearly heard his friend Talbott say, "Oh. Hello. I'm not used to other people coming here for anything besides the post."

"Yes, well I'm just enjoying the view," Kyril replied while he attempted to make his voice higher so he wouldn't be recognized. He moved involuntarily pressed himself to the railing in an attempt to put more distance between them.

This quickly backfired when Talbott worried aloud, "Hey you're getting awful close to the edge there. Careful you don't fall." He came closer and soon stood directly behind the crossdressed Slytherin. His concern was touching, but also a bit patronizing. As though he was incompetent and clumsy.

"I'm not a child, I'll be fine," Kyril snapped in his normal voice because he forgot he was supposed to be disguising it. He leaned over the ledge and looked down to prove his point. It was then he realized just how high they were and he began to wobble some from the sight. The irony of a fall from the tower because he attempted to prove he wouldn't fall was lost on him in the moment of panic.

Suddenly a pair of firm hands grab him by the hips and steadied him. "It's okay. I've got you," Talbott's calm voice reassured him. Kyril leaned back and stretched out his arms. For a second it felt like he was flying. Then he brought his feet back onto the balcony floor and turned to Talbott without thinking. "Kyril?" Talbott asked in confusion.

Before he could answer he began to hear another voice calling his name. This time it was Rowan's, and as he repeated "Kyril. Kyril." in a loud whisper he suddenly felt his shoulder be pushed and the world around him disappeared. Instead he was back in the potions classroom leaned against his table. He must have fallen asleep in class.

His face red from the dreams he'd had, he looked down at his cauldron and his heart sank. Amortentia was not supposed to be gurgling and brown at any point. How in Merlin's name was he going to fix this before…

"Ahem. Vasiley. Normally you are more attentive with your potions. Care to explain how your amortentia ended up in such a sorry state?" Snape droned in his typical dripping sarcasm. On the other side of the table Merula snickered. Kyril put those happy dreams away to think about later. For now he needed to figure out how to explain this.

#hphmsecretsanta2019 #hogwarts mystery #hphm

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picnokinesis · 4 years

Text

quarantine meme

Tagged by @novantinuum hooray!

1. How has your day been?

Good so far! It’s still morning, but I’ve had a livestreamed church service, saw lots of birds in my garden, and read some excellent fanfics! And I’m going to go cycling later

2. What is the last thing that made you smile?

I wrote some music yesterday on an online music program I found, and I sent it to my sister (the incredible @theplatinthehat) so she could listen to it. A few minutes later she sent another file back with narration recorded over the top! It was SO AWESOME and it made me so happy!

3. What’s keeping you entertained these days?

I’m doing a LOT of writing and drawing! And of course I’ve started writing music too. Two of my friends are trying to write a song together (remotely, of course) which is really neat. I have also been trying to sort out my room, and some of it is a LOT tidier which is very nice!

4. If you are in some kind of quarantine/self-isolation: is there anything you’d like to achieve in this time?

If I manage to finish my doctor who fanfic I will be SO HAPPY

5. Post a selfie (if you’re comfortable with that)

I took this using my toe HAHA

6. Last but not least: send this to some mutuals to keep the game going

Sorry if I tagged you already today! @archervale @chaoticacecryptid @theplatinthehat @thirteenstardisfam @hetzi-clutch @sunshinedaysforever @flyist-nihilist @avengertonystark and anyone else who wants to do it!

#taka gets tagged #quarantine meme #this is a good one!#jen killer of fords #the squad

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tardytothepardy · 4 years

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In an unexpected turn of events, I have avoided the nefarious Talk Like a Pirate Day.

I actually get to play it tomorrow. How heinous. (in general i don’t like things that end up relabeling everything in the game and spend the rest of the time deciphering it. it’s just annoying for my sad sad brain.)

Today Dorothy finished her aspiration. Hooray. It is seven days until Kris’s birthday, which given how many days I can get through, around two occasionally three, I’ll hopefully has his birthday done by the end of the week. Hurrah. Then I can obsessively think about how nice it’ll be to have teens in the household.

Or maybe it’s gonna be a whole new hell. Let’s find out together.

I had Sans randomly go to Willow Springs to the Spencer-Kim-Lewis house to chat with Olivia. I tried to have him chat with her parents, and that’s when I found out that Vivian and Dennis died. I mean, it had to happen. I suppose that’s one reason why Olivia was moping around a little while ago. Huh.

At any rate, I discovered something baffling about their house. Well, one thing. There are many odd choices that were made with that house, but I’m specifically talking about how high the toilet paper is in the bathrooms.

You can’t reach that high if you’re on the toilet. Why is it so high. You can see Sans sitting there, and if he can manage to get some with his tiny short child arms, he’s probably gonna end up pulling down a huge chunk along with whatever he needed. It’s just weird.

An out of the ordinary thing that Dorothy did today was skip school. It was 100% because I got a random number generator that determines what the kids are gonna do in school, and for her, it chose for her to go home early. And I mean, I didn’t choose that. Math did. Or computers. Or both. Idk.

But what did she do with all that new free time? Not much, really. I mean, like I said above, she completed her aspiration, but I suppose she chatted a little bit with Kris? One of their socials were low, and so I had them talk.

I realized that despite the fact that they’re in the same house the majority of the time, the siblings barely interact. The game lists all of them as friends, but barely. I think if they all spent a little more time actively not talking to each other, it’d drop down to acquaintance. But it’s just like that sometimes, y’know? Just casually not talking to the people in your house even if they’re the only people you see on a regular basis? No? Just me? Okay.

She also took some time to chat with her dad, which if I may remind you, is Patchy the Scarecrow. I think that would be nice. I mean, he’s always available, within the times of around 1pm and 5pm. Just in the garden. Can’t miss it, but you can avoid it. And that seems to be what Dorothy (and the rest of the kids) do, because they honestly have no business back there. It’s not like they can do anything in the garden anyway. which is dumb. but anyway.

Tiffany got promoted again today, and actually managed to max out the painting skill, so if I do have her go on to pursue the Painter Extraordinaire aspiration, she’s just gonna fly through it. Except maybe at the parts where you have to make masterpieces. Can’t really control that, but so far she’s made 2. Maybe 3. One of them was a picture of a sad pug, which truly was a sight to behold. Y’know when you’re sad, and all you can draw is a picture of a sad pug? Me too. Gets me all the time.

Grim made a little time for themself (again, I’m making that a thing until someone tells me it’s not okay) by upgrading the oven and disappointing themself time and again with their flower arrangements. It’s not their fault. They’re just... not good at it yet. They’ll get there. Hang on, reaper of souls. Maybe one day. Eventually they’re gonna have all the fucking time of the world to spend making a bunch of arrangements, so really you just gotta look at the bigger picture.

They also found a squeaky toy that they gave to none other than WD Gaster the cat (I mean they couldn’t give it to anyone else), and I think Gaster likes it. Probably in that way where someone gives you something and you use it for maybe a few weeks and then never look at it again, because he has a lot of squeaky toys. He is a prowler, so that’s why most likely. He’s bringing them home as a collection, not really as a toy. A squeaky toy connoisseur.

That’s kinda it for now. Tomorrow will be a struggle: it’s a weekend. Maybe there’s gonna be more volunteering. Probably. I just can’t handle everyone crawling all over the house. It’s way bigger than it originally was, but it’s still too small for all these Sims.

#seriously all I can ever think about these days is when all the kids are gonna grow up #that and she ra #i'm thinking about she ra alot #to be fair #the next season's in like a month #there's a lot to anticipate #a lot of tension #and stress #and p r e s s u r e #it's gonna be a blast #ts4 #the sims 4 #simblr #ivey legacy #the sims 4 gameplay #the sims 4 screenshots #april 13 2020

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writing-in-winter · 5 years

Text

dream catcher (prologue)

three things that didn’t make sense until they did.

characters: tony stark x gifted!reader

word count: 2k

trigger warnings: depression, suicide

summary: you wanted a fresh start. you have it. but then the avengers find you, insisting that a life, which you have no recollection of, is yours.

a/n: i am finally posting a series, holy shit. i understand the prologue makes absolutely no sense, but hopefully, with the upcoming updates (i am finishing high school in two weeks hooray!) things start to become clear. in the prologue, y/n does not know she is gifted, because her memories has been locked away. also, i am blatantly ignoring canon *cough* especially iw and endgame *cough* (i’m too lazy to thoroughly proofread this because i have a paper to sit for tomorrow so feel free to slide into my inbox if you catch any mistakes. love y’all for reading!)

one—it is true when they say ‘what if’s haunt you forever.

you couldn’t remember the reason you were looking for tony, but you wished you hadn’t. it only reopened doors that you worked so hard to shut a long time ago. what despairs you the most is that it only took a short second to unwind the effort you had put in, for the insecurity and doubt to pour out of the tiny crack.

and then the emptiness you thought you had left behind for good comes rushing in all at once without a warning. it hits when you were crunching on cereals alone at the oversized island, which was meant to fit ten people comfortably.

most of the avengers are either away on a mission or had breakfast earlier that morning, and tony is… you look down at the cereal floating around in milk, frowning. you didn’t know where he is. when did that start?

you relish in the silence – it meant you need not bother with putting on a front and shrouding your unexplainable sadness from anyone – but after a while, it became deafening.

sliding into his audi, you draw your hand over the steering wheel, recalling the last time you drove this car. it was another aimless drive, but with tony in the passenger seat and you stepping on the gas on a lesser used road.

now, in his place is your bulky coat instead. it’s an complicated feeling. to hate the constant supervision, but wanting him with you. just the two of you alone, with no worries or fears for your safety or your unborn child’s.

for miles in the distance, all you can see is the white snow collecting on the dirty brown earth. finally, the car whirs to a stop at an abandoned park.

you just cannot resist the pull of it and the calm nature brings you, especially when you are alone.

the world lulls to a quiet hum as you drew the thick brown fabric closer to your body and wrapped your arms around your belly. your child. she wouldn’t be here if tony hadn’t insisted on keeping the accidental pregnancy. but as the months flew by, your love for your unborn daughter grew in size until it is rivaled only by your love for your fiance.

early winter is soft, though still a stark difference against the colors of spring. white blankets the ground, the arching tree branches, and everything in your vision. oh, how peaceful it is, to be away from any human and an extremely smart ai.

the silent supervision is suffocating at times, sending someone to assist you with the slightest of things when tony isn’t around. courtesy of him, no doubt. you had protested against the protocol, though you eventually relented, knowing that it gives tony some peace of mind when he isn’t near you.

how perfect would it be, if you could go back to the woman you were, free to roam the end of earth without anything or anyone holding you back? seemingly impossible, given the lengths of your love for tony, that you would leave him behind. but just for a moment, you imagine if you had never met him. perhaps you will still be the lone traveller, doing what you love in person.

you close your eyes, resting at the metal bench. just a minute, you told yourself. just a minute.

the steady beep emanating from the device beside you sends you gasping awake. the bright lights in the ceiling are blinding to your unfocused eyes, making you wince and twist away from it. wait, ceiling?

it is white all around, but for a minute you couldn’t get your eyesight straight. you curse at the contact lens which probably slid when you were asleep. heavy breaths run through your lungs, working, pushing, to make sure you stay alive. tony appears in the clear vision in your right eye, eyes lined with worry and rubbing your back in a soothing manner.

“i think the left contact lens slipped to the back.” you blink, slightly panicked at the sure ache at the back of your eye. your fingers make to force the lens out, but he grips your hand and tells you to lie down as he calls for a nurse. ah, so the compound med bay then.

shortly after the contact lens issue is resolved and the doctor on duty successfully convinced tony for the hundredth time that ‘no, sir, ms (y/n) is not experiencing frostbite’, you move back to your quarters.

apparently, instead of a minute, you had fallen asleep at the park, for two whole hours. you feel guilty for being a constant worry on his mind, promising to check in with him whenever you left the compound. you just didn’t realise the extent of the damage done until vision phases into the garage as you unlock a car.

he is a terrible actor. you knew FRIDAY sent him, but still, you listen as he asks to accompany you to wherever you are going because he needed to get something from the grocery store. you lie that you are simply retrieving your belongings left in the car.

that is when you knew you wouldn’t be leaving the building without supervision anytime soon. it shouldn’t suffocate you as much as it does.

two—it is true when they say family hurts you the most.

his lab is locked. again. FRIDAY confirms that tony is in there, but she isn’t allowed to let you enter the workspace.

you would ask her to connect you to tony, but he had been snappy lately. the sadness was gaining too, and normally you would be outside, soaking in the vastness of nature. you had long since gave up trying to sneak out the building by yourself. it is annoying and embarrassing for FRIDAY to keep sending people to find you. once, steve caught you as you were descending the emergency staircase with your pajamas on underneath the winter coat. with FRIDAY watching, you don’t even know why you are trying at all.

talking to tony about his protocols is a dead end. the last time you attempted to sweet talk him into lifting his most recently added protocol, it ended with him giving you the silent treatment for two days straight.

too tired to argue with anyone, even FRIDAY, you made to leave. you decided an early dinner with yourself would be nice. maybe some wine.

the kitchen is eerily silent without your playlists humming in the background. ironically, it brings you some peace. what a horrible resonance, reflecting your state of mind. when will this end?

you hobble around the wide kitchen for a little bit, bringing out the pot and the utensils you needed to make soup. loud clicks that must have came from stiletto heels make you look up from your chopping board.

you break into a smile at the sight of your best friend waving the bouquet of tulips at you. she wraps you into a tight hug, exclaiming her wonder at how far along you were in your pregnancy. pulling back to actually look at you after kissing your cheek, she frowns.

“i’m bloated, i know” you laugh for the first time in forever, accepting the bouquet from her.

caressing the indigo petals, and just relishing in the beauty of the tulips, you thank her. it has been so long since you have set foot outside that you miss the feelings of fresh morning dew on grass under your feet so badly.

you place the tulips on the countertop, careful not to squish any of the buds. it is a little hard to bend with the large baby bump, but you manage alright to bend and open the lower cupboard where you stored your vases.

your favorite china vase with tiny red buds dotted along the blue vines is missing. a frown sets itself on your brows as you purse your lips and straighten your back with a hand supporting your lower back. you begin to rummage through the rest of the cupboard.

“are you looking for this one?” she passes you the vase you are looking for.

you huff good-naturedly but exasperatedly. “tony loves misplacing my things.”

“oh, it isn’t his fault, i bought a new vase for the flowers he got the other day and i had no idea where to keep this one here.” she leans over you standing at the sink and fills the vase with water.

you are still standing there stunned by her seemingly offhand comment. “when?”

“like last last week? i can’t remember.”

“oh.” the smile is forced this time around. you pretend as if everything was alright. as if you are not bitter about tony blowing you off for someone else. everything is fine.

“friday, can you ask tony if he is joining us for lunch?”

you pray she hadn’t replied in a heartbeat before friday could respond. “he’s going out.” was she in there while i am locked out?

the ground is ripped from under you in an instant. you are drowning, struggling for air, but everything is fine.

three—it is true when they say truth kills.

he had been tip-toeing around you for two months now. and he doesn’t look at you the same. maybe it’s been awhile, but you only started to notice after your best friend paid you a visit that day.

to be so familiar with your kitchen, you gather, she had to have been over frequently. more frequent than you know of anyway.

it hurts. it physically hurts. to see him look at her with even a fraction of that glint that was once reserved for you. and only you.

you should have known better. you should have trusted that pit of darkness rolling in your belly. no man can be trusted. and yet, you maintain the facade.

the torture of knowing and seeing the man you love fall for another when he has promised you forever was an unending agony. death may be your only reprieve, but even then, would he allow you to be free?

would you allow yourself to be free of him?

pretending feels like the only way you seem in control of your life.

so you pretend. you pretend you didn’t mind when he said he is taking her sightseeing around New York City. you pretend you didn’t see him taking her out to the most expensive restaurant on the magazine cover. you pretend you didn’t see his hand on her thigh during dinner. you pretend and pretend and pretend.

and when you saw him kissing her on the driveway, you pretend.

as if every single day, every waking moment, even in your sleep, every breath you take, fire isn’t burning you alive. as if you aren’t hollowed out by the lies you are both making. as if the cursed image isn’t burned into the back of your eyelids, haunting you whenever you close your eyes.

it is a burning hell with no end in sight. no peace to be had. and you just wanted it to end. you wanted to start over. and maybe, just maybe, you can run away and never look back before this drives you insane.

but the only way you will be able to truly leave is through death. because he will never let you leave.

so you wait. you play by his suffocating protocols until you forgot what it felt like to be free. you smile and nod until your love turned to resentment and finally, acceptance. you lie and say you dreamt of him dying when all you see when you close your eyes is him kissing her and fucking her like his life depended on it. you smile through the pain and the rot of your former self until you can no longer tell the difference between hallucination and reality.

you pretend everything is fine when nothing is.

everything will be alright. you hug steve, who accompanied you on your daily walk. then, with his back facing you, looking for your phone that you dropped on purpose, a real smile graces your tired face for the first time in months.

you plunge down the cliff laughing.

reblog previous chapter to be automatically tagged in next chapter. (you will be tagged in one if you reblogged prologue, and two if you reblogged one, etc.) i do not keep a taglist.

#tony stark #tony stark angst #tony stark x reader #what is endgame #canon has no place in my blog #marvel #avengers #tony stark fanfiction #tony stark fanfic

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shirtlesssammy · 5 years

Text

6x13: Unforgiven

Then:

Good news? Sam’s got his soul back. Bad news? The walls are starting the crumble around it.

Now:

One Year Ago:

Bristol, Rhode Island

Sam Winchester, the soulless killing machine, goes around shooting things while the camera stays focused on his grandfather, a look of distress plastered on his face.The job done, with Sam sporting only a minor flesh wound, they quickly make their exit from town. The local law enforcement pulls them over before they can get very far though. Oh, they’re federal agents, but the sheriff doesn’t like the blood oozing from Sam’s arm and wants to haul them downtown. One: Sam in a Carhartt again is delightful. Two: Soulless Sam is just the most fun.

Sam laughs and starts to walk away from the cop, and before the cop can pull a gun on him, Sam beats the living shit out of him. (I mean, Sam’s still fun even if he’s a fucking psychopath.) “Do you think there are calmer ways we could have handled that?” Samuel ponders. “Do we care? Let’s go.” And they take off, leaving the cop unconscious in the middle of the road.

Present Day:

Sam and Dean are in random motel #3534. Dean’s got nothing on the Mother of All thing when Sam gets coordinates from an unknown source. The coordinates are for Bristol, Rhode Island, where three women have disappeared in the past week. Dean’s reluctant to check it out but Sam convinces him.

The boys arrive in Bristol (“Where Memories Are Made” lolololololol.) and Sam almost immediately starts having flashbacks. At a local nautical themed restaurant, they catch up on the case. Dean heads to the “Poop Deck”, when Sam is approached by a couple who thinks he’s “Agent Roark”. Uhoh. The woman, Debbie, asks if he’s back in town because the disappearances have started again. He goes along with it all and agrees (I mean, he is after all). She then asks where his partner is, and Dean interrupts and says “sex rehab.” Oh, if only Samuel was around to not enjoy your humor, Dean.

Debbie and her husband, Don, take off, but not before Debbie leaves a lingering touch on Sam’s shoulder. Hmm. Sam has another memory, this one of him and Debbie going at it pretty hot and heavy in the restaurant bathroom. Uhoh. The exchange did not go unnoticed by Dean. Sam admits that he thinks he and Samuel worked a case in this town. Dean shows him a picture from the restaurant wall with Sam in the background.

Dean wants to skip town. “You never use the same crapper twice.” (Dean could be a poet.)

Sam insists they need to stay and work the case. Dean relents.

Dean follows up on the victims. He starts by interviewing a roommate. Apparently one of the victims, Nicole, had previously meet Agent Roark. A neighbor in the apartment building was a victim the previous year. In fact he came by a few times. Dean’s spidey sense is vibrating. Apparently Agent Roark and Nicole’s non-relationship was loud and athletic.

Sam, meanwhile, heads to the sheriff’s office, but can’t even get in the door before the cop he accosted last year finds him and draws his gun on him. Uhoh. Sam flashes back to that night. UHOH. Sam gets thrown in the clink. (And called “dumb as a sack of hair” lol) The cop knows he’s not a federal agent and he wants to know where the bodies are.

Later that night, a woman walks into the dark cell area and demands that Sam tell her what happened to her husband. This woman knows Sam’s name, and what he does. Sam has a mega-flashback to when he and Samuel told the sheriff and this woman, his wife, their real story. The sheriff disappeared though, along with the two hunters. Sam tells her that he has no memory of his time here before. Why would he be back if he did? The woman believes him and tells him her name is Brenna Dobbs. She opens his cell door so he can find some answers.

We finally reach the truly nightmarish part of the episode. Debbie is at home enjoying her boxed wine when she runs out of said boxed wine (THE HORROR, but lbr, there’s another glass of wine in there if she just takes the bladder out of the box)

so she heads to her basement to find more. Something grabs her leg on the stairs and she stumbles to the floor. The camera (and monster) closes in on her as she screams.

Dean meets up with Sam again and fills him in on the missing person info he’s collected. They hear there’s another missing person over the police radio. Dean heads out alone after insisting that Sam stay hidden. A command Sam isn’t about to listen to.

After checking out the latest in the case, Dean calls and leaves a voicemail with his brother. He found a connection to the missing women. “They all banged the same dude. You.” This is a trap for Sam.

For Whatever Reason Dean is a Cute Bean All Hunched Over On His Phone Science:

Brenna comes home to find Sam in her house. She tells him that Debbie is missing and wants answers. Sam doesn’t have them, and he needs her help.

Sam flashes back to working the case with Samuel again and this time they’re sitting down and having a beer with Brenna and her husband. They end up talking about Sam’s relationship with Samuel. Soulless Sam rather smugly announces that he has a business-only relationship with Samuel. “Family just slows you down.” Nice, man.

When Sam snaps out of his flashback, Brenna hands over the case files for her husband. Cue more flashbacks!

Sam remembers Samuel concluding that they’re dealing with a monster called an arachne. Sam figures out that the arachne is hiding out in a local park, and that the monster seems to have a type - men in their thirties. He formulates a plan to lure it out. I’m sure it’ll be a nice, gentle plan where nobody gets hurt!

Back in the present, Sam listens to Dean’s voicemail while he leaves Brenna’s house. As he listens to it, he notices some cobweb blowing in the wind off the side of the front porch. Did he just finish talking to a….black widow? Dun dun DUN. While Sam checks out the webbing, we get a shot of him in arachnid vision.

At the place they’re crashing, Sam fills Dean in on the case and his spotty returning memories. Dean’s generally pissed to hear that Sam’s remembering ANYTHING from before. As far as he’s concerned, the next step down memory lane is a one way bus trip to Hell Boulevard. Dean insists that they blow town and call up another hunter but Sam puts his foot down. He’s got a soul now. That, paired with a terrible feeling that he was part of something awful, makes him want to stay. MAN it is such a relief to get caring Sam back - even if he really needs to just GTFO.

Together they make a murder wall, pinning up maps and pictures and looping yarn and THEORIES are flying it’s wild, guys. Sam looks at the evidence and flashes back AGAIN. Sam remembers using Brenna’s husband Roy as a lure for the arachne. Samuel was uncomfortable about it but Sam has zero patience for Samuel’s reticence. Roy was the right age and type for the spider-critter they’re tracking. How else are they going to find its lair?

In the flashback, the arachne gets the drop on Roy and drags him off before they can do anything. Soulless Sam isn’t worried - he turned on the GPS on Roy’s phone so he can track his phone to the spidey lair. “You’re about as cold as they come,” Samuel notes, which is a real damn statement coming from Samuel.

They track Roy to a barn covered in Halloween cobwebs. There are bodies under the webbing - bodies EVERYWHERE. Only they’re not bodies. They’re still alive and gasping under the webbing.

They find Roy right when the arachne, a woman, attacks. Sam slices off her head. Hooray! They saved the day!

Only...Sam looks at all the victims. They’re poisoned by a spider-monster and swiftly dying (according to his non-existent medical examination of them). It’s better to kill them all and put them out of their misery, Sam concludes. RECORD SCRATCH! Honestly, guys, I am guilty of thinking of soulless Sam as a dick, but not particularly murderous. I...forgot about this episode entirely. Sam remorselessly kills all the victims one by one. (Samuel - who HAS a soul - also isn’t winning any popularity contests with me because he just stands there.)

When Sam returns from this flashback, he tells Dean that he remembers everything now. And it ain’t good, sunflowers.

Brenna wakes in the night to an intruder in her home. It’s Roy! But it’s Roy transformed into an arachne. Sam happens to call her to check in (handwave handwave) and realizes that she’s in trouble. They head to Brenna’s house.

There are lights on in the shed and Brenna’s hiding in a corner. “What you did to Roy?” she asks Sam, “Is it true?” Cue Roy jumping in and attacking the Winchesters.

Before you know it, they’re tied up in cobwebs while Roy stalks in front of them. He reveals that the arachne was breeding, capturing mates and transforming them. Getting shot in the head had no effect on him because he had become….SPIDER MAN. (Without all the badass powers.)

It was Roy who tried to lure Sam back to town so he could avenge his own attempted murder. As added frosting on his revenge cake, all the women who went missing are now spider women and scattered throughout the country. “You killed one monster, you made so many more. Congratulations.” Roy ponders the timeless monster question: to kill Sam or turn him?

Dean breaks free before that existential question can be answered. Brenna slices Sam free and Sam kills Roy.

Later, Sam drops Brenna off at home and apologizes. Too little, too late, bby. She stalks inside and slams the door. I mean, same girl. Sam and Dean return to the place they’re squatting in. Sam’s dejected. Dean tries to bolster him up, telling him that none of the terrible things he did was him.

Sam’s not buying the “everything’s gonna be okay” line. And in just a moment, Dean isn’t either. Sam collapses and as he gasps on the floor, we get a glimpse of what’s in Sam’s head. It’s hell fire and Sam’s burning up.

__________________________________________________________________

Chicken Quotes for the Soul:

You got mysterious coordinates from a mysterious Mr. "X," leading to a mysterious town? That doesn't throw up red flags to you?

She just cougar-eyed you.

“You never use the same crapper twice.” “Everyone uses the same crapper twice.”

What? The boxed stuff doesn’t get better with age, Don.

What is this, "Days of Our Lives"? You're telling me you have some sort of amnesia?

Roy’s just some redshirt to you?

You love to say "I told you so."

You killed one monster, you made so many more. Congratulations.

__________________________________________________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 6x13 #unforgiven #dean winchester #sam winchester #samuel campbell #supernatural season 6

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handelplayssims · 11 months

Text

It’s a new day! And we have a person who works as a doctor in this family! So today we follow Omar into work! And just before he was set to go off for it as well, it’s near 8AM and if Harrison was just a little bit slower, would have just missed him.

Right, our promotion task this time is to perform surgery on three patients and we got one already. That’s not something I can press for so let’s just take care of our patients as usual.

WOW! Rude! So Sally Sigworth is an alien and I knew ahead of time that this kid would be marked up and alerted as such, so I decided to treat her first and see if we’d get this result. I mean, come on! You’re a vampire Omar! Can’t judge a kid too harshly! Hmm, but looking at the compelling diagnosis, we got two options here. Both of which, Sweaty Shivers and Llama Flu, have fevers, the animation I keep seeing Sally do. I’m gonna take a stab in the dark and go for Sweaty Shivers… and hooray! It was correct! Yay for me!

Next we’re going to attempt to treat Judith Ward, famed superstar she is! We did manage to find her illness just in time for work to wrap up. It was a non-surgical related one so I wasn’t going to stay overtime for it. But hey! Good day at work!

Right then! We got some thirsty vampires as we return home! So I have Harrison go for the plasma fruit salad that’s in the fridge, Omar continues his drinking from medicial bags, like he did at work, and Selena invites over a neighbor. She invites over Santiago! ...oh huh. I didn’t realize she too has the guilty drinker drawback as a vampire. Huh. Welp! Anyway, it’s New Skill Day so we’re having Omar pop down to the computer to write a little, as he’s on the cusp of getting skill level 2 as a writer. Onto Harrison and his next task is to get a promotion with his fabulously wealthy aspiration. Hmm. Well, there’s no work task as he’s just a retail worker. And maxed out into taking the calls at that! His Charisma skill is at level 7, so I’m not particularly enthused about working on that. How about working on acting? That might be fun! Selena needs to meet up with someone for her aspiration...and Emile wants to be inspired to draw some pictures so let’s sort those two out. We found Sally, newly cured, walking along the street! That’ll do for an introduction.

Let’s see...why is the next stage on childhood social stage always the “make a bff” one? That takes so much effort! Hmm. Wait a moment. Her sister could count! It’s those two versus their weird family, after all! Let’s see. Omar and Harrison are getting thirsty again, the drawbacks of not satiating thirst upon the blood of normal sims. After Emille finishes off her drawing, we’ll take Omar out for a drink. We’ll even bring this Sim along that he keeps wanting to talk to! At least he’s friendly with him!

Oh hey! It’s even Guys Night at the local bar! Neat! First we’ll have a Plasma Jane then! And then we’ll chat! ...oh no! The guy that I keep getting whims to chat with just decided to leave! Rude!

...you try to have a private -ahem- moment with someone flirting with you and a whole gang decides to join ya. Very rude. ...too many people kept trying to intrude so FUCK IT! I’m not going to have a perfectly private moment. Fuck me, I suppose, Sims are far too social for their own good. Or perhaps...aha! Reset object debug stopped a dude in their tracks. And the conversation but eh. ...oh hey! Random dude turned out to have some very nice plasma! Good to know! Local whim is to dance at the bar, so let’s dance then! Though this tune of the blues more strikes me as not dancing music so much. Ah well! Also I keep a counter of how many young adults vampires drink. If they drink 5 or so in a row, they’ll regain young adulthood! Anyway, to a place where elders hang out instead! To the lounge! Might be more Carson’s speed!

And we got bills again. 918 dollars of them. Hmm. Man does being vampires in small lot with the frugal trait help, or what? Anyway, our whim is to go and befriend Carson Allen, so that’s what we’ll do! Also evidently, the barkeep is also a vampire! Let’s say hello! And befriend her! We need to make friends with the local vampires! ….why is Oasis Springs the vampire hub? Why did that happen in my file? Anyway, we’re just going to chat with Marisa and then head home. ...she says, ordering another drink to top of Omar’s thirst. I just remembered that he has those drawbacks that make him extra thirsty. Joyous! Lets return home and make time for-

Neighborhood Watch!

Emilie Prado in the Prado household has died. Emilie got on the bad side of a rabbit.

Noooo! Another uni student I enjoyed seeing around! Man I gotta get back to university at some point.

#sims 4 #liveblogging #stuart-waddell #omar waddell #harrison stuart #roxanna stuart #selena stuart #emilie stuart #vampire

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urdbell18 · 5 years

Text

A Seed Hidden in the Heart Chapter 13: The One With the Bad Cupid

AN:I know I know it's been a while but here it is! Was it worth the wait? I don't know I'll let you guys decide. Enjoy! Also, hooray me 400th post!

By the first of February all of Baxter high became one big pink, red, white, and heart filled eyesore. Zelda had to grit her teeth and ignore it as best she could unless she goes insane. Hilda and Sabrina didn’t help, they both squealed and whispered in hushed tones like they were telling each other deep dark secrets. The pair of them were acting like teenagers, and while this behavior was perfectly acceptable for Sabrina it wasn’t for Hilda. Zelda looked at her sister like she lost her mind but deep down she recognized that Hilda was happy, the happiest that Zelda has ever seen her. It’s why she didn’t make a big fuss about it but she reserved the right to be annoyed. There was one beacon of hope and that was Mary.

Mary wasn’t very found of Valentines either. Someone, they didn’t know who and they hope they never find out, tapped a large pink heart on Mary’s office door. Mary proceed to rip it off her door then shred the paper heart before throwing it away. Zelda, who bore witness to the display because she needed some more staples and Mary said she had a box she could spare, was, yes taken back, but also amused and a bit relieved. While Zelda could never picture it she didn’t know if Valentine days would turn Mary into a glorified teenager like it did her sister or a sappy romantic like it did to the male gender. Zelda still had nightmares from when Dr. Cerberus showed up at her house with a large bouquet of roses and serenading Hilda with “(Everything I Do) I Do it For You” ruining it for Zelda forever. She never cared for it so it wasn’t a big lost. About a week until Valentine’s it became clear the Hilda was staking a claim to the house. She kept buying things that she attached notes on to not touch and buzzing around the house like a twister, collecting things here and there and stashing them in the conservatory. Zelda just looked on with no interest and immediately texted Mary to make plans. They were under no circumstances celebrating but they came up with a good plan, something nice and casual.

The plan was as followed. On Friday after Zelda picked up her daughter from school would take them to Mary’s house, far away from everyone and everything. The whole thing was going to be laid-back, Zelda wrote a reminder to herself to fill a small suitcase with things like board games, movies, and some books to keep Vida happy. Mary was convinced that they would order in, most likely pizza or chinese which ever struck their fancy. Zelda didn’t know how Mary could think that but after having a heated debate over it during lunch one day Zelda realized Mary was messing with her. While Mary’s answers were perfectly reasonable she wore this grin that was a cross between a smirk and a soft smile. It caused Zelda to stop mid sentence and she shook her head, calling Mary ‘impossibly insufferable’ but she was smiling all the same.

That WAS the plan, until this happened...

-----------------------

On Wednesday Hawthorne called an emergency staff meeting the split second after the dismissal bell finished ringing. Teachers started slowly trickling in, murmuring what was going on and what the meeting could be about. Teachers that were in charge of after school clubs were the last to join, they had to inform their club that they would be late or dismiss the club for that day. Among them was Mary and she looked pissed having been dragged away from her W.I.C.C.A. meeting, she took the seat that Zelda was saving for her with a low rumbling growl. Zelda, knowing how much Mary looked forward to her meetings, placed her hand on Mary’s knee and gave it a light squeeze, it instantly relaxed Mary though her scowl remained. Hawthorne came in when the last staff member squeezed himself between two math teachers.

“Thank you all for coming. You are probably wondering why I called you in such last minute.” Several murmurs could be heard and Mary gave a low growl that vibrated from the back of her throat. “I have gotten an email from the head of the PTA stating concern that they do not have enough volunteers to work the dance this Saturday.” Oh god the dance, Zelda groaned and cringed just thinking about it. The dance was another of Hawthorne’s ‘genius ideas to keep an eye on the rowdy teenagers’ but unlike Halloween this one appeared to be working. Several students bought tickets for the dance, Sabrina and her friends being among them. “Which is why I called you all here today to see if any of you would like to volunteer to work the dance.” There was silence. No one said anything or moved. Hawthorne’s face got redder and redder the longer the silence carried on. After five minutes Hawthrone who was starting to turn purple, huffed. “Very well I’ll volunteer you than.” Hawthorne started calling names, the teachers he called either groaned or sputtered with annoyance. Zelda tensed and squeezed Mary’s knees just a little harder. She hoped against hope the Hawthorne wouldn’t call on her, she worked Halloween so it would only be fair to not call on her. And he didn’t but just as they thought he was over he called one last person. “And Ms. Wardwell. I think that would cover the dance nicely. Meeting adjourned.” Hawthorne quickly left the meeting, most likely to save his own skin as the teaching staff went into an uproar. Mary sat there in a fuming rage. Zelda didn’t blame her nor did she chace after Mary when she abruptly got up and stormed out of the meeting. Zelda knew Mary and knew that Mary needed space to process her anger. Zelda left with the rest of the staff as they started to trickle out.

When Zelda finished her blackboards and her remaining grading for the day she still had five minutes before she normally left so she sat in her office to see if Mary would show. As she waited she sat at her desk deep in thought. Now that their not-Valentine’s plans were blown to bits Zelda had to think of something else to distract Vida and herself from the holiday. Maybe she’ll take her to the movies again, Vida seemed to like it enough to want to do it again. Or maybe a restaurant, that would be a nice treat for the both of them. But the problem with both of those ideas was not only the amount of people but they involved being out on a holiday, one that Zelda particularly hated. She gave up thinking of something five minutes before 4:40, when it was clear that Mary wasn’t going to show. Zelda didn’t mind and she packed up her stuff to leave for the day.

The second that she and Vida got home Zelda got an ear full of how unfair Hawthorne was being from Sabrina. Zelda let her niece carry on as she made dinner, when Sabrina was in ranting mode there was no stopping her and Zelda was too tired to try. It didn’t surprise Zelda that Sabrina knew, when Mary was angry she ranted and when she ranted nothing was held back and Sabrina was one of the few people that Mary could rant with. When they were done with dinner Sabrina and Ambrose were washing the dishes while Zelda helped Vida with her math homework.

“You know Auntie if Mary is going to be miserable at this dance thing why don’t you go and be miserable with her.”

“Ambrose that’s a great idea! Aunt Zelda you should go to the dance with Ms. Wardwell.”

“Before the two fo you lose your heads going to the dance isn’t a possibility.”

“Why not?” Zelda pointed her hand to her daughter who was currently trying as hard as she could to make her 3 as neat as she could.

“Oh.” Sabrina and Ambrose turned back to the dishes and they returned to the comfortable silence as before. By the time Sabrina and Ambrose finished the dishes Vida had completed her math homework and was working on her bear puzzle. That was Mary’s Christmas present to Vida, her very own puzzle that she worked on whenever she could. Zelda watched her from the armchair with a small glass of whisky, smiling softly at her little girl’s face sharp with focus.

“Auntie?” Zelda hummed as Ambrose, being careful of Vida and her puzzle, joined her, taking the armchair next to hers. “What if I watched Vida?”

“I don’t know Ambrose.”

“I know you don’t trust me but I promise I’ll keep a close eye on her.” Zelda took a slow draw of her whisky. She wished she could tell him he was wrong but he wasn’t. Zelda didn’t trust Ambrose with Vida because of something that he had done when he was a child. And he has proven since then that he has learned and grown pass his mistake. She’s trusted Sabrina on less so why can’t she trust him?

“Okay. But Ambrose-”

“I swear Auntie I’ll be on my best behavior and not a hair on head would be harmed.” Zelda glared at him and he, realizing what he said, ran a hand over the back of his head. “Right to far.” Zelda gave a dry chuckle and took another drink. As she continued to watch Vida as she tried to wrap her head around what she was about to. She still couldn’t believe it even as she wrote then sent an email to the person in charge of the dance. She was really doing this and when she pushed ‘send’ there was no turning back.

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Today was such a good day! Vida couldn’t think it could get any better. To start, her Auntie Hilda made pancakes. Pancakes on a weekday! It has never happened before and she ate two happily with her face covered in strawberry jam. Vida noted that the pancakes that Aunt Hilda made were heart shaped, she didn’t know why until she arrived at school. Ooooooh, right Valentine’s day! Vida didn’t understand the importance of it completely but she knew that today was the day she could give out the cards she made. She spent a whole week working on them, making them neat and unique taking her time and great care with them. And then something happened about an hour after she arrived at school that blew away Aunt Hilda’s special heart shaped breakfast out the window. Her teacher told her that they would have an early lunch at the high school. She was going to Mommy’s and Sabrina’s school! There was only one thing that could make it better but she decided not to dwell on it.

Along with the rest of her class and teachers Vida walked to the highschool. Her fellow classmates ohhed when they arrived, it occured to Vida that none of her classmates have seen a building so big. Their excitement quickly turned to hesitation with a little touch of fear when they entered the lunchroom. Firstly, the lunchroom, or cafeteria as Sabrina called it, was huge! Their lunchroom was only half this size. And second the high schoolers, there was a lot of them and some of them they had to crane their necks up to see their faces, they were that tall! They kind of reminded Vida of the jolly green giant. Vida was the first to break away from her class, she saw Sabrina and her friends and her teacher said it was okay to join them when she pointed them out.

“Sabrina!” Her cousin paused mid laugh as she turned around to see her running to join her lunch box in hand.

“Hey squirt what are you doing here?” Harvey found a spare chair and he placed it between himself and Sabrina. After setting her lunch box on the table Vida climbed into the plastic seat. She had to sit with her legs under her so she could see over the table. Being short had so many disadvantages.

“My teacher said my class was allowed to have lunch with you guys so she brought us over.”

“That’s so cute.” Said Roz. Vida liked Roz, she was nice and smart and had really cool glasses that she let Vida try on one time. Vida opened her lunch box, she placed her cards inside it to keep them nice. Then she handed them to Sabrina and each of her friends, she had to stretch as far so she could to give her card to Susie. Susie had to meet her a little bit to take the card from her. Everyone said thank you when she gave them her cards and she talked about how she tried to make them unique. For Roz she found as much glasses decorations and drew as many as she could. For Susie she found an outline of a farm and tried her best to make it look like the one that Susie lived on though she doubts that Susie and her dad keep bears. Dr. C helped with Harvey’s, he cut up some old not valuable comic books and he glued the pieces where she wanted them. Her teacher called it a ‘collage’ but she doesn’t know what that means. For Sabrina she shaped her card into a cat, Sabrina liked cats and she ‘awed’ at the red and purple cat with a pink ribbon and uneven misshapen yellow eyes. After fawning over their cards Sabrina and her friends returned to their lunch, something that Vida would do herself but…

“Vida where’s your lunch?” Vida sunk in her chair and clunch her lunch box close to her, she took it back when she finished handing out her cards. She didn’t want to tell her cousin that she could count on one hand how many times she has actually had lunch at school. “Aunt Hilda packs you lunch right?” Vida just nods. She knows that Aunt Hilda makes her lunch. Aunt Hilda makes lunch for everyone and sometimes Vida would help her. “Vida is something wrong?” Sabrina used that soft voice that makes Vida tell her everything, she doesn’t know why or how to stop herself.

“Judas.”

“What?” Vida looks two tables over and Sabrina does the same. A boy, roughly the same age as Vida sat with some kids. He was a little on the pudgy side and was dressed in khaki pants and a crisp red polo. His black hair was slicked back and shiny with some sort of gel or mousse. He turned his head, most likely to talk to the person on his left but it was enough to spook Vida and she quickly turned back around trying to make herself even smaller in her chair. “Vida has he been bothering you?”

“He takes my lunch every day.” Vida didn’t say it any louder than a whisper, fearful that Judas might hear. She remembered the last time that she made Judas mad and she was careful to make sure she didn’t attract his attention. Sabrina looks shocked and a little mad and something settles inside Vida stomach, a bad feeling. Nothing good comes from Sabrina being mad. Sabrina starts to get up from her chair, Vida didn’t know what she was going to do but in a panic Vida yells. “No! Sabrina please don’t make it worse.” Sabrina pauses for a moment but then smiles, her sneaky smile and Vida doesn’t know if that’s better or worse.

“Just trust me.” She winks and hands Vida the last half of her turkey sandwich before walking over to where their teacher was talking. They talked for a minute and the dread that Vida feels, she doesn’t like it. Sabrina returns with a huge smile on her face.

“Wanna see your mom?” And just like that Judas is the last thing on her mind.

“Mommy!” Vida takes Sabrina’s hand and they say goodbye to Sabrina’s friends as they leave the cafeteria. It was a good walk from the cafeteria to Mommy’s office, Vida has never been there before but Sabrina knew where to take her, where to turn and what hallways to walk down and what door to knock on when they reach it. There was a pause before Sabrina opened the door.

“Aunt Zelda I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it Sabrina?” Sabrina moved more into the room so that she could enter.

“Mommy!” Vida ran into her mother’s office. Her mom was sitting behind her desk and her face showed a combination of shock and joy at seeing her in her office. Vida ran straight to her and Zelda scooped her up, hugging her close and kissing her cheek.

“Vida. What are you doing here?”

“Her class is having lunch at the cafeteria. I asked her teacher if it was okay to bring her to you and she said it was okay so long as I bring her back at the end of lunch.” Vida pouted into her mother’s shoulder. She didn’t have much time with her mom and she had to go back to school after. So unfair!

“Well then, you better make your time count baby bear.” Vida lifted her head from the soft warmth of her mother’s shoulder to see Mary sitting in a seat across from her mother with her feet on the edge of the desk. She winks at Vida when she noticed her looking at her.

“I made cards!” Vida pulled out two of her four remaining cards. One was for Ambrose and the other for Aunt Hilda and Dr. C, she made them one big card that she left at school because it was too big to fit in her lunch box. She held out Mary’s card and Mary had to get up from her seat when it became clear that Vida wasn’t going to leave Zelda’s lap until she was forced to. Mary took the card with a smirk and a raspberry to her cheek. Mary’s card was shaped like a kite, she made it out of green construction paper and the blue yarn that she made the tail from had letters tied to it that spelled ‘WICCA’. Zelda’s card was in the shape of a house, it looked like a combination of their own house and Vida trying to replicate the Addams Family house. Inside was in stick figure forms Vida, Zelda, and Mary in Vida’s best attempts at drawing them as the Addams Family characters they were at halloween.

“Thank you Vida I love it.” Vida beamed as Zelda kissed her cheek and gave her another tight hug. From there Vida told her mother about making her cards and the pancakes that Aunt Hilda made. All too soon Sabrina said she had to take her back, Vida pouted but hugged her mother and Mary goodbye. Sabrina returned her to her teacher and the rest of her classmates just as the bell rang, Sabrina waved goodbye before leaving. As they walked back to her own school Vida couldn’t help the big smile on her face. Definitely the best day ever!

-------------------------

Zelda spent the first half of Saturday making sure that the preparations she made for that night were set and the second half getting ready for the dance. She ignored Hilda who seemed to be going for some recond on how many things she could make heart shaped. When she left at 5 Hilda and Dr. C were holed away in the conservatory and Ambrose and Vida were in the parlor watching a movie. Vida’s Mary Poppins obsession was still going strong and Zelda kissed her goodbye during ‘Jolly Holiday with Mary’.

By the time that Zelda got to the school the dance was in full swing. The space that wasn’t being used for the refreshments and tables for people to rest at that lined the wall was taken up by dancing teenagers. The whole gym was packed to the brim with large pink and red heart shaped decorations, streamers, and balloons, one popped under her heel attracting the people closest to her. Lights and the music made it hard to take in anything not in three feet which was why she didn’t see Sabrina and her friends come up to her until they were right in front of her.

“Aunt Zelda you made it!” Sabrina’s friends murmured a greeting to her, she still intimidated them but that was okay by her. “Last I saw Ms. Wardwell she was sulking by the punch bowl.” Sabrina indicated over her shoulder to the corner across the gym, it was a quite dark corner with not that much foot traffic, it was perfect for Mary.

“Thank you Sabrina. Enjoy yourself but be smart, understood?” Zelda gave her niece a sharp look and Sabrina bristled a little.

“Understood Auntie.” And just like that Sabrina and her friends left to be lost in a sea of dancing bodies. Zelda didn’t waste any time making her way over to Mary. Mary was sulking in a corner with a glare that clearly spoke not to bother her but Zelda dared. She didn’t hesitate to join Mary and the second that she was in visible eyesight Mary’s scowl changed to a look of shock.

“What are you doing here?”

“Being miserable with you.”

“You know out of context someone could take that the wrong way.”

“And do you know that I don’t technically have to be here and could leave at any moment?”

“You wouldn’t dare. You’re not that cruel.”

“Oh?” Zelda rose and eyebrow and smirked. She took two teasing steps backward to make it seem like she was serious about leaving. Before she could take another step Mary growled and pounced wrapping her arms around her waist to bring her back and close against Mary. In the very back of her mind Zelda realized that this was inappropriate that they, two teachers, shouldn’t be pressed against each other the way they were when surrounded by their students. But they weren’t working, not officially, and there was nothing wrong with them, two consenting adults, being together. It was a romance holiday for crying out loud, it meant that she was allowed this, to be with Mary. Doubt would imply that she cared about strangers opinion and that was the furthest thing from the truth. Zelda only cared about her own opinion and Vida’s. That’s why she didn’t care who saw as she started to slowly kiss Mary and Mary slowly kissing her back. There were a few wolf whistles but the second they glared at the small crowd watching them they scrambled away. They weren’t bothered again for the rest of the night and when the dance was over Zelda went home with Mary.

------------------------

When Zelda came into work the following Monday she and Mary were the number one topic of discussion by the students. Zelda was constantly picking up whispered conversations when she walked the halls. She ignored it at first, gossip was beneath her and uninteresting, but when her class starts whispering every time she turns her back she had enough.

“Is there something you all would like to say?” Her second period Russian class paled and a few students even sank into their seats. “Very well then you all are prepared for the test-”

“It’s about you and Ms. Wardell!” A girl, one of her few juniors spoke out in a rush that took Zelda back. Katie was always so soft spoken.

“What about me and Ms. Wardwell?”

“There are rumors that… the two of you… are… well… dating.”

“And?”

“We just wanted to know if it was true.”

“What Ms. Wardwell and I do in our spare time is our own business and what we do is no concern to you.”

“But-”

“But nothing. Do I pry into your life? No, I’m here to teach, you’re here to learn. If you want to engage in gossip I suggest you go elsewhere. Now if that’s all I would like to continue.” Her class fell silent and they continued class without further interruption.

--------------------

“It appears that we are ‘out of the closet’.”

“I beg your pardon?” Zelda looked at Mary confused, she wasn’t familiar with that expression or how it applied to her and Mary. When Mary joined her for lunch like normal she didn’t say anything, just took her usual seat with a kiss to Zelda’s head and started to eat her lunch. Mary lifted her lunch tray and handed Zelda a single piece of paper. It was a print out of the school blog with a headline big and bold that said ‘Ms. Spellman and Ms. Wardwell: just friends or more?’ along with a picture of them at the dance. Someone had taken a picture of the when they were at the punch bowl, they were holding hands. Zelda placed the paper down and looked at Mary, she shrugged her shoulders as to say ‘so’.

“You’re not bothered.” It was said as a statement not a question and Zelda looked Mary dead in the eye to say.

“No. Are you?”

“Not at all.”

“Good.” Mary smirked and when lunch was over she kissed Zelda’s cheek goodbye. So that was that, they were ‘out’ as Mary called it. Zelda oddly didn’t care, her relationship with Mary didn’t change and she would be damned if she let anyone change it.

#Madam Satan #Zelda Spellman #madam spellman

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rational-mastermind · 5 years

Text

I’ve been meaning to make a review about Breath of the Wild for a while, but at least wanted to wait until after I finished the shrines.

SCREW. THAT.

I’m gonna just say it up front; it’s not one of my favorite Zelda games. I mean, yeah, I have a personal history with Majora’s Mask, but that’s not the only thing. I’ll start at the beginning, under the cut. Cause this is gonna be long-winded.

I’m not gonna make a lot of complaints about how it sucks in comparison to Ocarina of Time or make too many mentions about the timeline issue, cause we all know that it was bullshit since the moment they said anything. But there are just...so many things that bother me.

I will say that Breath of the Wild has a lot of great thing going for it and it’s easy to be impressed when you first sit down to play it. The graphics are gorgeous and the voice acting was done very well. There are so many wonderful little bits of lore, call-backs, and even general mechanics of the game that just made everything amazing. (I was so fucking excited to jump without running off a ledge.)

However...there was a lot of the story itself that bothered me. Not to mention a few other things. One of which, was the music. Or....serious lack thereof.

One of the things I loved the most about Zelda, was the music in nearly every game. Background music is very essential in making up the environment of any level. From your typical fire temple, to underwater, to creepy ghost town. And for Zelda, it wasn’t even just that, but that song itself had a large to-do with a lot of the lore and story. Song tells others you have something to do with the Royal Family. It changes the universe around you. It soothes the dead. Not just in Ocarina of Time either. So it was really weird to...not have any of that in Breath of the Wild.

Yeah, we have some soundtrack but..it felt so..threadbare. When you go into a shrine/town/battle, I barely register the music. Walking through the open field...nothing. When I’m galloping on the Lord of the Mountain, the fast-paced piano feels more high-tech than race-horse and makes me feel uneasy about a guardian lurking nearby. Then when you DO face a guardian, or any mini-boss of a monster, it gets so fucking intense, so damn fast, I was worried about challenging a Hinox for the longest damn time. (Geez, I felt stupid for that after I realized how easy they were to beat.) Everything just felt...off. And it was weird that you didn’t have to repeat any song 10 fucking times. I mean, yeah, I was really sick of Elegy of Emptiness after going through the Stone Tower in Majora’s Mask, but I’ll listen to the 50th remix of Song of Storms. It was like...one of the few things that kept the whole timeline thing connected. It was that there was always a harp, there was always a song, there was just...something that connected us to the higher powers. And it’s kinda cool for a game to give something like music, so much power.

But I’ll stop bitching about that and get to my real problem. The story.

Now the basic crux of it, I’m fine with. They attempted to beat Ganon, failed, and had to pay the price 100 years later. Cool. That’s interesting. A nice premise. But gosh DAMN if the details don’t fucking trip me up! Let’s run through this chronologically.

Okay so Zelda, being the nerdy princess that she is in this life, discovers that yeah, they reincarnate every several hundred years and beat an evil known as Ganon. There’s supposed to be her, the physical embodiment of the goddess Hylia, and Link, a young knight sworn to protect her. Hooray, self-awareness.

Apparently, she also discovers that, what was it? 1,000 years ago, the Sheikah... the shadow people who are skilled ninjas that protect the family...built 120 shrines, robots, and massive weapons of terrible destruction...just to help beat this one guy that two kids and a magic sword handles on a regular basis. Actually no, I shouldn’t just say it’s two kids and a magic sword.

It’s a knight with a magic sword, three pendants, six sages, and the final seventh sage (aka the fucking goddess-child) that defeat the Evil.

It’s already upsetting enough that the Sheikah are stupidly advanced in technology (cause ancient magic tech from the gods is always the way to go...), and that the 1,000 year span makes the whole timeline thing confusing as FUCK (even if it is in the broken world timeline), but that they just...do that. They just fucking dissed the fucking premise for like, so many of the games. You find three pendants/orbs/stones/things, the master sword, six sages, and then help Zelda. Thanks for reducing everything else to nothing. Thanks for making 6 sages fucking nobodies. And yeah, I’m gonna harp on that.

One of the things that was nice about Ocarina of Time is that the 6 Sages became one from each race. In Link to the Past, it was the descendants of 6 powerful wizards. In Wind Waker, it was at least the last 2 other species left alive after the whole flooding incident (cause those three gorons are gonna fucking die and I wanna cry thinking about it). It just...it made sense.

So why. The fuck. ARE WE RELYING ON ONLY THESE FOUR????

We still have the Sheikah and the Koroks. What, just cause Impa’s old now? Cause the Korok’s are tiny as fuck? That never stopped anything before. We could’ve had Purah, or Paya take up the mantle. If size was an issue, how about Hetsu? Koroks can choose their shapes and try to put on brave faces. Saria was willing to help with the fight. Makar was willing to go through a whole temple to help. I don’t see what makes this generation a bunch of pussies! What the great and all-knowing fucking Sheikah just..FORGOT about the other sages???

Like, don’t get me wrong. Again, there’s a lot of good. I wouldn’t say gorons would be my favorite race but dammit I love Daruk and I love his grandson. They’re just sweet and adorable as fuck. (and I have a weakness for soft-hearted big-guys. ^//^) I’m glad they fixed the Rito’s appearance (though I hate Rivali’s fucking attitude). I liked their stories and their powers. But you could’ve at least rounded it out to be EVERYBODY. And further more, as great as it was to see their spirits put to rest, it doesn’t make a lot of sense for ghosts to pilot giant robots. It could’ve made a bit more sense for maybe the later generations to take up the mantle and help out. (Since that’s what a lot of them seem to imply.) It would’ve been kinda cool to go through the Divine Beasts with the Next Gen and let them help us fight the blights and let them take control.

Also on a fashion note: WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYTHING BLUE?? Thanks for dissing Farore. I guess she wasn’t a very important Goddess! Certainly not the one that LINK correlates to. Yeah, I get it, he’s supposed to get his signature outfit later, but I’m gonna get back to that problem in a bit. You could’ve at least kept the design and made it fucking GREEN.

Cause yeah, I get it, it was supposed to signify their unity and shit and that’s great and all, but BLUE had a purpose and that was WISDOM. Link isn’t WISDOM. He’s COURAGE. That was the whole rite of passage thing in Wind Waker!

Also, Zelda. Zelda, babe. Hon.

Zelda... What the FUCK ARE YOU WEARING???

Like, DAMN girl’s got hips for DAYS but do we really need the thicc shown in fucking leggings?? I mean, okay, her normal princess outfit is fine. Would’ve liked it to be a liiiiitle more traditional, but whatever. You look the part. And her normal adventure outfit is...okay?? It doesn’t look very practical nor comfortable for travels so it seems a little weird?? It just looks really uncomfortably tight and really draws attention to the thighs. But see, it’s the fucking Goddess getup that I have the most problems with.

Like, I’m just gonna start with saying that she looks fucking pregnant.

The empire waist wasn’t a good choice, especially cause she’s already just so damn thicc. And then you mix it with a sleeveless top and you have these fucking layers that just exaggerate the hips in the most unflattering way possible. I’m not saying she needs to look sexy but for a goddess, she could’ve looked more elegant? I’m sure with some kinda alterations, this would’ve looked great, or maybe on a different body, but like! I don’t like the dress for Skyward Sword either but at least she looks more goddess-like than this! (and that was a VERY boring dress...) She looks like Ariel putting on that sail cloth when she turned human. I mean, she could’ve had like, three-quarter sleeves with a v-neck or sweetheart neckline and then let the skirt flare out with the Hylian buckle around the waist. But this looks.. it just looks uncomfortable. I wouldn’t wanna practice goddess magic in this either.

So aside from forgetting about important races and a lack in fashion design, then you move on with the story. So since Zelda’s such a nerd and cause she lost her mother when she was younger, I guess that means I should feel sorry for her long-ass struggle with her goddess powers but um... I’m not. I don’t feel sorry for this woman. I just feel annoyed. I feel very annoyed every time I run all over Hyrule, trying to find these fucking memories, only to get five minutes of her bitching at US for her own failure.

Link is a soldier. And on top of that, he’s burdened with the heavy duty of carrying the Master Sword. HE is the one who has to fight Ganon. And instead he just runs around escorting Princess Twilight Sparkle while she geeks out over learning and frogs and then insults him, yells at him, and pushes him away from doing HIS FUCKING JOB. Unlike her, LINK IS DOING HIS JOB. I don’t blame him for shutting the hell up while she bitches and cries. I’m gonna side with Zelda’s father on this one, she found out about the prophecy, but SHE NEEDS TO DO HER JOB. Not for the sake of reputation (which seemed unusually dickish for him to say....) but because that’s her damn job. Everyone else knew what it meant to be a soldier. They knew when to dig in their heels and get ready to fight. WHY. DIDN’T. SHE?? Or at least why didn’t we see her trying like she kept talking about?? Yeah we saw her pray to ONE FUCKING FOUNTAIN. And it wasn’t even supposed to be her damn goddess! The whole mess wouldn’t have happened if she had just SHUT THE HELL UP and thought about someone else besides her own problems.

Also, if you were gonna show the tender moment where she finally does unleash her powers, maybe you SHOULDN’T make that a “secret ending” after you run around and try to guess where the rest of the memories were based on poor-quality pictures. And yeah, Zelda. you took a lot of shoddy pictures with that damn tablet. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DIFFERENTIATE ONE FOREST FROM A THOUSAND OTHERS??

Maybe I would’ve felt more sorry if I didn’t have to climb through a fucking castle full of guardians, avoid tripping the cut scene, and THEN read in a long-ass diary about her mother dying, but you know, that just didn’t happen. I don’t feel sorry for her. I don’t feel excited for her to unleash her powers. Actually, I’m rather sad that despite the games being called “Legend of Zelda”, I REALLY didn’t wanna focus on THIS incarnation of her. The idea of it would’ve been fucking fantastic, but did Nintendo really have to make her such a whiny bitch?

Okay okay okay. Now before you send me hate mail, I will point out some things I like about her. She had a nice voice. She was cute (in a good outfit). And she wasn’t a total bitch. It was a good idea for Nintendo to try to focus on the titular character for once. I just don’t see this excusing all the other problems though.

Moving on, I mentioned earlier how I hated Rivali. That was the understatement. I am so glad he fucking died at the hands of one of the easiest damn bosses. I know some people may have liked him but I can’t stand ego. It’s an immediate turn-off and the sad part is that he had a sexy design and voice. He could’ve been redeemable if he showed some kinda humility after being dead for 100 years, but no. They just...didn’t give him that. Not willingly at least. Again, this is where I would’ve LOVED the next generation to take up the mantle instead, but... Yeah. No. We didn’t get that. (And I swear he was jealous that Link had Mipha and Zelda’s affections. Especially Zelda’s.)

Urbosa was good, but I felt like we didn’t get to know her personality too much? And the same goes for her grandchild. Also even though the Gerudo are known for hating men, they HAVE accepted men into their clans before. What happens if these women marry?? They have to leave town? Link was genuinely accepted as one of the Gerudo in OoT and was free to walk around! And that was just for debunking their strongest warriors. BotW!Link saved the whole fucking town, saved one from dehydration and another’s husband, and is a renowned champion! You think that would give him a get-out-of-jail free card!

I already talked about how I liked Daruk cause he’s definitely a strong leader and a gentle-soul. I do like the Goron City but it feels a little weird how....corporate they became. I mean, it makes sense. They can make a good profit from the gems they harvest but it’s still a little weird considering how tribal and relaxed the gorons were before. Still, they were a cute bunch and I really liked going to Goron City again.

And Mipha was sweet and I really loved her one-sided relationship with Link. I felt really sad thinking about Sidon growing up without his sister and I see why everyone shipped him with Link. Sidon himself was pretty good but....personal preference dictates that a super excited, extroverted, supportive type...doesn’t suite me. Don’t get me wrong. He’s very sweet and cute and I can see why a lot of fangirls were into him. It’s just the over-exuberant extrovertedness that gets to me. Also I was really surprised that this game made the ZORAS racist, out of all of them. I mean like, fucking damn... I know your princess died but fuck! Finally, last note, I...really didn’t care for their designs. I know the Zoras have been through a hell of a lot of redesigns over the years and they’ve certainly improved, but I think Ocarina of Time’s era was just enough of Fish and Human to make it a good hybrid? Rather than making...a shark..humanoid...with another shark...on his head?? And somehow related to a whale??? With a...manta ray...for an advisor.. I mean, I get it, he was suppose to look old, but it’s literally just a stingray on his head.

I liked Hetsu too, though collecting korok seeds is kinda annoying. I hate it when games make you have to gather more for just one thing, it’s just..not a fun mechanic to have? And the koroks themselves are still cute, though it’s taken me a while to accept that they replaced my beloved Kokiri and Dekus. (I only had OoT/MM growing up, so when I finally played Wind Waker as an adult, yeah I was pretty upset about the change in the species.) I still wish they had a bigger role to play in all of this.

Lastly, Ganon had a pretty great design, though it was a little weird he was like...semi-solid for this game. Like.. What? What was with all the...”malice”? (Which is an actual word, guys. You could’ve called it something besides that...) I really liked how he merged himself with the technology and it was interesting that he was controlling the guardians, but honestly when she said “Given up incarnation” I was a little disappointed he still went by Ganon cause you know... His original form wasn’t called Ganon. It was called Demise. Also for having a giant smoke-pig with a huge gaping mouth hovering around the castle, it would’ve been a little more interesting for him to...still retain that when you walked in? But design aside, fighting Ganon wasn’t actually all that hard after you freed the Divine Beasts and it’s...a little disappointing. I mean, I’m running around, fighting lynels and dragons and guardians and really, I had more trouble with THOSE than I did with HIM. And that’s REALLY disappointing when Ganon is the long-standing Ultimate Bad Guy (tm) and I was REALLY looking forward to feeling more accomplished beating him than I did when I beat a silver-maned lynel.

Finally some last complaints:

I wish the Sheikahs didn’t have their hands in everything. Who said that THEY should determine who Goddess Hylia’s chosen hero should be? Why were THEY the advanced race when you have one that harvests iron on a regular basis? And I hate that they don’t have any actual temples cause one of the things I liked about the whole thing is that there was a running religion and the Sages and Temples actually had some significance? Even though it’s pointless, I like history and archeological search in a game, even if I’m the only one doing it for my own amusement, cause it just helps me to connect more to the world that I’m playing in but I don’t get that when I walk into a weird-ass abyssal room with small puzzles or fights.

Also there are seriously WAY too many fucking shrines. None of them make any sort of callback to old games. The spirit orb system is confusing cause if that’s a callback to Skyward Sword, then at least say it was by Link’s own doing and not these dead monks that have been preserved in suspended animation for 100 years. Why didn’t Link do the shrines to start with 100 years ago? Also I HATE that you have to collect 4 spirit orbs for hearts or stamina. I mean, we all know stamina sucks, but this just making it REALLY obvious? And seriously it was so fucking easy to die early on into the game, especially if you ran out of stamina or were still fumbling with the new controls.

Why didn’t he ask more questions in this game? If you have voice acting, why didn’t you actually give Link any dialogue? I think that would’ve made a stronger impact for Zelda to get her powers or something.

Seriously the three dragons bug the shit out of me. I know they were supposed to represent the goddesses and it was really cool to first come across them and shit but 1) it’s really hard to keep up with any of them. 2) they don’t really add anything to the plot. 3) was Zelda supposed to pray to a dragon?? 4) Did the dragons from Skyward Sword just like...de-evolve? (devolve?) Cause they spoke and wore clothes??? Why didn’t these??? 5) (and this goes to Skyward Sword too) why is the one who represents the fucking forests, you know, FARORE, have lightning powers? I think Pokemon already took the cake with mythical creatures representing Fire, Ice, and Lightning. This would’ve been better with Fire, Water, and Grass, y’know?

I fucking cringe looking at the map cause it feels like so much it just out of place... Like, how do you move a whole Forest from the south to the north? Why is the volcano moved like, way far to the back? The WHOLE Lake Hylia was moved like, so far from the original spot. Really the only things that stayed in place was Hyrule Castle and Gerudo Desert.

Also don’t give us giant skeletons and then NOT ACTUALLY EXPLAIN WHAT THEY REALLY ARE. Leviathan is not just a blanket term for Giant-Ass-Monster. Was that the Dodongo King at the volcano? The Sky Dragon from Skyward Sword?? What the fuck froze to death? Why was that and the one in the desert more similar the one at the fucking volcano??

Seriously your mini bosses shouldn’t be harder than the Ultimate Bad Guy. The blights were harder and I especially had trouble with the lynels and guardians. And seriously WHY was there a fucking guardian on the fucking Plateau?? I was fucking terrified of these killer robots and it’s seriously unfair that I barely ever get any proper armor or shields to deal with them! Also seriously, why did there have to be a whole graveyard of them right underneath a stupidly challenging maze??

Also I don’t mind teleporting everywhere in a game, but when there’s literally secrets over every last inch of this game (from shrines to korok seeds to weapons, food, and needed pictures) it gets REALLY boring to travel on foot. Especially when climbing mountains in freezing conditions. I mean, I love that it’s so open-world and I love that we get to go exploring whatever we want, but there are a few problems with that. The other being that it’s hard to follow the plot of a game when you hardly have any reason to go do it or to follow any intended order. I did Rivali last, not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t bother to explore that side of the map until it was all that was left. I WISHED SOMEONE SAID SOMETHING EARLIER IN THE GAME CAUSE THE GALE WOULD’VE HELPED TREMENDOUSLY.

Finally I swear someone on the staff has a giant fetish, and not that there’s a problem with that? But can we have ONE game where the Great Fairies aren’t horrifying to look at?? Like, if some people like it, fine, I guess? But gosh damn these bitches just look so GAUDY. There’s too much glittering, there’s too much...just too much everything. Also you should be able to up all your armor, not just a few things? It would’ve been awesome to walk around as Shadow Link and have it upped to be at least decently protective.

Okay.. I think I’m done complaining. Now I’ll stop my own bitching and actually give the game its proper praise.

The game does have some amazingly gorgeous graphics and it blows me away every fucking time. When it does want to intimidate you, it does so very well. And so many things were designed so well. Despite earlier complaints, I love how the dragons were designed to vary from one to another. I love how all the baddies were designed. I love the large array of wardrobe that you get for Link and it’s so much fun to change his looks and dye them different colors. (though, again, you should be able to dye the Champions tunic to GREEN.)

Some of the characters were fun and had some great personalities. I liked the bits of lore this game generated. I also loved whatever small callbacks it did make (like mentioning Naboru, and Makar’s island). I liked that you could catch and ride so many things and it’s fun that there’s a motorcycle (I haven’t unlocked that yet, but I’m sure it’ll be fun ^^). It was fun exploring different worlds within this game and just really see some of these beloved races expand and grow and see how the world is affected by such an apocalypse.

I like hunting for your food and surviving that way rather than random hearts coming out of the grass. The whole sense of survival is pretty awesome and thrilling. It’s fun to discover things in this world and it’s fun to just go around, explore, and make up your own adventure. (I just wish there was a bit more guiding for the story...)

Some of the reactions in this game are so much fun. Like walking up to people naked, or riding the Lord of the Mountain to any stable. Actually that entire story about the Lord of the Mountain is really sweet and heartwarming. But the actually dialogue that’s written into this game is really fun and pretty spot-on.

I really liked the side mission of buying your own(old?) house and creating an entire village from the ground up. It was such a sweet side-story to the whole thing and was a lot of fun to to. The other side mission of helping the korok through the woods was super cute. ^^ It was little moments like these that really did make me enjoy the game. And I did like being able to stumble into Zelda’s room or study and read about her life in the past, seeing her figure out Link and such.

And the challenges of conquering the Divine Beast was actually fun, but again, would’ve liked a bit more direction. Actually getting through this game was kinda fun, but it was easy for the magic to get sapped out of everything with stupid shit.

Overall, I wouldn’t say this was the worst Zelda game. Heaven know Skyward Sword did much worse. It could’ve been better though and that’s what really makes me sad. I was really looking forward to playing something new and amazing, especially having just finished Wind Waker for the first time before it and was honestly, disappointed after the magic of the new features wore off. It wasn’t the best. But it wasn’t the worst. It just really needed some work on in a few areas. Over all I would rate it 7/10.

#Zelda #Legend of Zelda #Breath of the Wild #Link #Zoras #Gorons #Rito #Gerudo #Sidon #Mipha #Urbosa #Rivali #Daruk #Ganon #Triforce #Din #Farore #Nayru #Hylia

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