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cellarspider · 2 months

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21/?? Tales from the Crypt

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We return to that movie that the crabs shall dance for when it is done, Prometheus.

This time, the movie decided it needed a zombie mutant in it for some reason. Content warning for half-hearted body horror and gore.

I’m sure maybe half of a person out there was wondering “Hey, what happened to Fifield the geologist?” Well, the crew certainly wasn’t wondering that. They’re quite surprised when his suit camera feed shows up right outside the ship. Janek says it “just popped up” but why the hell would it. Fifield didn’t turn it back on, that much is obvious. Did the plot flip the switch or something?

In any case, Fifield has taken up a new career since we last saw him. He is now a contortionist.

This confuses the nameless crew guy. This is a very weird way to announce your new hobby to your coworkers.

Seriously, like. This is just an extreme backbend. It was probably done with prosthetics since they needed a body for this guy later anyway, but there are people who can just do this. Look, here’s a woman named Anna McNulty, doing this exact pose. It’s way weirder-looking when the person’s in motion! Again: not scary, just weird!

Contortionists are a thing in horror movies and shows. The explanation given always boils down to “they look uncanny and inhuman when they pretzel themselves, thus they are scary.” That isn’t really the case.

It still takes acting ability to make contortionism scary. Combine that with unsettling effects and you can get something memorably spooky, even when the rest of the movie isn’t that great. Javier Botet’s performance in Mama (2013), for example, was enhanced by his own acting decisions, the costuming, CG, and also practical puppetry of his body so that he could be supported in positions that felt unnaturally weightless.

Even if you’re lacking good direction or acting skills, makeup can still put in a lot of work to get you something freaky. And this makeup is… not their best.

Not in terms of quality of workmanship, but in terms of the concept itself. The creature department made a whole bunch of draft sculpts that looked way more xeno-y. Those were rejected. Instead, he’s got a big lumpy head. He looks like he wandered out of The Hills Have Eyes: Part II.

youtube

[Video description: A trailer for The Hills Have Eyes: Part II (1984). It’s complete schlock, and it’s got a big guy with a big prosthetic forehead in it, and he smashes people. There’s an off-brand Darth Vader breathing noise for some reason.]

Really, this design is straight out of a few sub-genres of horror I could mention: The Hills Have Eyes comes from cannibal and/or hillbilly horror (also called hixploitation), which often features deformed or mutated antagonists. Nuclear, infection, and chemical-scarred mutants are common lumpy monsters in horror, from 50s B-movies to Troma splatter films to modern “torture porn”. Video games tend to follow Resident Evil’s lead and make the lumpiest creatures zombies, while also making them WMD mutants and/or backwoods types, hello Marguerite and Jack Baker.

Obviously, Fifield’s been mutated by the black goo, adding to the list of things it’s capable of that the movie failed to set up before now. I will attempt to follow the ideas this may be attempting to throw at us, but I want it noted, this takes work.

This man has been exposed to a biochemical weapon, created by the Engineers. They were stockpiling that weapon here with the intent to use it on Earth. God decided rainbows aren’t a covenant anymore, time for Noah Part 2: Even Drownier.

But the Engineers are not gods in the christian sense, they aren’t all-powerful, and they are not beings that anyone would assert are omnibenevolent. They are another intelligent, social humanoid species with their own culture and morality. What moral standards do they have that produce a situation where an Engineer will look unsettled by a display of inter-human violence, but also intend to kill every human? Humans are in some ways their descendants. What would be the right thing to do if your children became murderers?

The movie doesn’t have to answer that, because there is no objectively right answer, but it also doesn’t present the issue very competently when it's having a mutant geologist pull wrestling moves.

youtube

[Video description: A short compilation of Macho Man Randy Savage doing the double axe handle.]

The questions that FIfield’s current state actually brought to me were more like this:

What horror sub-genre are we in? Is this a pastiche? Is it being done on purpose?

The answers, as far as I can tell, are “all of them,” “yes,” and “I have no idea.” I still don’t know. This is too bizarre a series of decisions to feel unintentional, and yet it’s pulled off with so little grace that it also feels like it can’t be intentional. It is Schrodinger’s Script, suspended in a state of both “hack job” and “competent hack job” until someone observes the movie and forms an opinion.

Speaking of being observed: these crew members. Boy. They sure are here, aren’t they.

There’s seventeen crew on the Prometheus, and a movie with strong characterization will make it so you can remember that many people, even if their roles are small and unnamed. Fellowship of the Ring (2001) manages to outdo that, for example. Before I started writing this, I could remember less than half the people onboard Prometheus.

So, obviously these guys exist to get destroyed before the miniboss fight is over.

It isn’t even that much of a scene. Mutated Fifield jumps around and wails on guys, the guys freak out and accidentally kill at least one other guy, and then FIfield gets run over by the transport. When this was originally filmed, it was going to be placed slightly later and Shaw would be the one driving it, but that wouldn’t have improved this any, to be honest.

So, great. We have killed a few more cast members for some reason. It fails as horror, and it fails as bloodsport. Good job everyone.

Next time, the horror anthology continues with our host, the Crypt Keeper.

Oh, sorry, that’s not what happens–I meant to say: “Next time, Peter Weyland wakes up”.

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Citations for alt-text rambles:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOlpoG-rZXI

#Prometheus 2012 #Prometheus (2012)#I did not think I'd be making a Hills Have Eyes 2 reference as part of the Prometheus milieu #but the movie proved me wrong once again

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picnic-at-dreaming-rock · 5 months

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Whilst I do understand and agree to an extent with the sentiment that wanting more thg books/movies about specifically the games is capitol-like behaviour, I also think the way a lot of people have been saying this is very reductionist, especially since we're talking about fiction here.

The people in the ‘you’re missing the point of the books' camp are correct in noting the political messaging and subtext within the novels about the exploitation of violence (and the irony of making an mcu-type franchise of all the hunger games just for the purpose of having them), but I would argue that they themselves have almost entirely missed the point of fictional stories as whole. Yes, part of the success of THG, both commercially and as a piece of storytelling, is her underlying allegory but the other part, which we really cannot forget, is that it is just an otherwise compelling piece of fiction that has placed the Child Killing Show at its epicentre.

TBOSAS has really showed us Collins has clearly thought out the lore of Panem (I personally wouldn’t be surprised if she has already written/planned a bunch of other stories but just hasn’t decided to do anything with them as she doesn’t have something to Say with them yet) and we only ever see the tip of the very fascinating iceberg; I would argue that it is perfectly reasonable to be curious about things we don’t see but are alluded to within the text because of how different this world is to ours. It also makes complete sense as to why the curiosity tends to surround the titular games themselves as they are such an intriguingly unfamiliar concept and are integral to the plot of all four books, which then basically cements the ‘story about Panem = story about the hunger games’ connection.

Further, it is also important to discuss the characters and the emotionally compelling aspects of THG. To reiterate my earlier point, THG aren’t just a political allegory, they are also pieces of fiction, therefore, it should a series whose merits should be considered on both fronts. Her characters are complex and nuanced and are meant to be cared about, with rich character development from beginning to end of the series. I would argue that it’s part of the reason why a series with such an overtly disturbing premise has done so well commercially in both book sales and the box office. I mentioned previously about the games being integral to the plot and I would argue that it is the same for the characters. In many ways, the games act as a character study for how different people react in the same(ish) scenario and how it highlights key aspects of who they are as people as well as forces them to change for better or worse. Similarly, for all of the victors, the games are continually emphasised as defining moments that can tell a lot about said victor.

Putting these two concepts together, it is no surprise that the equation ‘this quarter quell concept is an interesting idea, I’d be interested to hear more about it + I am emotionally engaged with the characters and it’s interesting to see how they all respond to different things in their world + Haymitch is my favourite character and I would love to learn more about him + we learn a lot about characters and Panem during the games’ is going to equal ‘I want to read a book about Haymitch’s games’.

And yes, there is a lot to say about our society and how often we exploit violence afflicted onto others for our entertainment (true crime comes to mind) and how often fictional portrayals of that can desensitise us to real world horror (I also think of all those studies about the correlation of violence in pornography and subsequent violence towards women), but also I think this also comes back to the problematic viewpoint of ‘depiction = endorsement’ and considering what media you consume as equivalent to political advocacy, which is also equally harmful for media literacy as refusing to read for subtext, both of which are practices that discourage nuance and critical thinking

I am also not denying that there might be people with whom the emotional resonance and messaging of the books go straight over their heads, and they do really just seem to want to see kids battling to the deaths, which is something that I have seem to have come across now and then. However, I think to assume that everyone that expresses a desire to read more of Collins’s work and world is doing so out of such a desire rather than to connect with and learn about a world that clearly has significantly more to it than what we’ve been shown whilst also being aware of the core messaging of the series is a bad faith move and, dare I say, similarly problematic.

And again, because this is the piss-on-the-poor website, I want to emphasise that I believe that both sides to this ‘debate’ have legitimate reasoning, but because I do tend to stay on the political/literary analysis side of the fandom, I have, of course, more to say in that regard than for other sides of the fandom. I also want to stress that I am not just talking about the Tumblr fandom here, but also things that I have seen on other platforms and I'm just venting some frustrations that I have had.

All in all, always initially assume miscommunication over malice unless you actually have proof and if you’re going to pride yourself on ‘understanding the point’ of something, remember that you are still susceptible to creating false dichotomies and ditching empathy for moral superiority never makes anything better.

(also want to point out that this is not a conversation about a scenario in which Collins pulled a r*wling in terms of turning her ip into a capitalistic empire because that is a different conversation entirely and this is just about fans wanting hypotheticals out of love for a book series)

#anyway i need to have lunch now #i also havent really reread/edited this so i apologise for any issues #the hunger games #thg #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #thg analysis #the hunger games analysis #suzanne collins

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rottenbrainstuff · 26 days

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BG3 - Fuck Gortash

Mild spoilers:

I took a little break from playing after binging a whole bunch, which I think is good - it’s not as good to do everything in a rush. Need time to savour it. I’m almost done now and I have to make these last moments count. I have very little left to do now - just Gortash, then House of Hope, and then the final battle, and that’s it! That’s all. I’ve been doing this run for six months now and I am almost all done.

Unpopular opinion: I think it’s good Larian is not making sequels or DLCs for bg3. They did start work on something, realized they weren’t passionate about it, and called it off. They’re going to move onto something else. How fucking amazing is that. These days the idea of sequels in general fills me with nothing but dread. IPs are just a crash grab waiting to be milked by a room of higher ups requesting the most bland and generic stories that will appeal to the broadest audience possible and cost the least to produce in order to maximize profits. I know that’s the movie situation anyways - I don’t know as much about how games work. I still think it’s fabulous that Larian realized they weren’t able to bring the amount of passion that they felt they should, and they called off the work.

I don’t really want to see more content with the characters that we have. I think their stories are interesting and self-contained and complete. I think it makes sense to end it where it ends. And I mean… it IS a fun game but I’m not so invested in the setting that I’m clamoring for more games set in this specific world. So even on that front, I feel like I don’t need more.

Plus maybe it’s my age, but I’m not used to the concept of game updates in general. I don’t expect them. When I was little, you bought a complete game and it was finished and that was what you got, period. The game is the game. It’s complete and it’s good. It’s always there for you to play again, whenever you want it. You can play the different origin plots, you can make different characters, you can make different choices and see what happens, and it’s always there for you. The fact that there won’t be any large additional DLCs doesn’t take this away from you?

So I don’t know. I feel like this is where fanworks step in now. All those little details you want to see, all those little blanks filled in, all those little extra adventures: that’s what fanworks are for. Let’s let Larian work on their next big project now.

Ok anyways, enough of that. Gortash. First you have to get back into the fortress, and all the guards attack on sight. Myeh. After all these very difficult battles, I guess it was nice to have something less hard, but it’s also no fun to feel like you’re shooting fish in a barrel. I did Iron Throne -> Foundry -> then Gortash, I wonder how things change up if you do things in a different order. After killing all the aggrod Fist in the fortress, it was neat to be able to and read all the books I couldn’t access before. Looks like things have gone significantly downhill in Baldur’s Gate recently.

As for the actual Gortash fight: Gortash gets pretty annoying pretty quickly so I cast Otto’s dance on him to keep him boogying. I love casting control spells on this dipshit that’s all about “Blah blah blah, Bane, Control, Bane, Control” well eat this, asshole. I’m a bit obsessive about collecting all the books and notes in the game to read all the lore, so I was pretty unhappy about everything getting destroyed by the constant barrage of grenades. I reloaded and focused on taking out the three grenade launchers at the beginning of the fight and we had smooth sailing. I’m glad I went through the trouble - Gortash has a journal (well, a rough draft of a stupid vain memoir) that details a bit more the plan that I (durge) was a part of, and where exactly in the timeline I was removed from that plan.

Then poor Karlach. So I do really like Neil Newbon, he did fabulous work, his big scene with Cazador was very cathartic and emotional. I think for those of us who have been badly hurt by other people, it’s not an uncommon fantasy to imagine yourself getting the same kind of brutal revenge. His scene made my oldest daughter tear up when she got to it. Me, I’m not sure, maybe I had seen too many clips online beforehand, maybe it was that it was all over so fast, I mean I definitely liked the scene a lot, and kudos to Neil and all the complicated emotions there, but the eyes stayed dry.

Karlach however - that one did make me cry. It really hit hard for me when she was talking about how unsatisfying it was. Now he’s dead but what good did that do, he’s not any more sorry about what he did. She’ll never get that closure. They took her heart and she won’t ever get it back. It’s been almost nine years now, I think? since I left my abusive husband, and that’s still something that eats me up. You can’t ever get that time back. You won’t get an apology for what happened to you, not from them, not from anyone, not from the universe in general. They probably won’t ever even ever recognize that what they did was wrong. And that’s…I don’t know. For me personally, that’s been so difficult to deal with, and to hear Karlach react the same, that hit hard. I had to pause for a moment.

Then she starts talking about her looming death. This whole time she’s been so positive, focusing on what she can do here and now, it’s admirable! But now it all catches up to her at once and she’s so, so angry. I cried. First time the game made me cry.

Fun fact - I actually legit was going to do Duke Wyll. I don’t care if the game is trying to tell me that’s the bad choice, I do honestly believe that’s a good future for Wyll, and it’s great for the city. But Karlach made me so sad here, her grief and anger at having so little time, and I reloaded back and changed my decision.

Now Karlach’s back to focusing on enjoying the moment, and asking if I will be there when she dies. Man.

Back in Baldur’s Gate, with the three netherstones in my possession, the elder brain is lashing out, and immediately, three citizens are turned into mindflayers. These mindflayers had (rather pretty) silvery white blood! Is this a new patch? Do all mindflayers have that now? I’ve killed a few now and I definitely did not see silver white blood before.

Last errand before I head down to the sewer for the final big fight: stealing my contract back from Raphael. At the start of act 3 my tav felt like his soul was disposable, but I guess all the events have left him with a desire to fight for it. Can’t wait, can’t wait!

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 playthrough #enver gortash #Karlach

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tentacle-stylograph · 2 years

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WOOOOOOO! finally watched The Sea Beast on Netflix! the first thing i saw of it, other than it being in my Netflix scroll, was this gifset, specifically the first two gifs and the bottom quote 'cause after i went "oHP THAT'S A MOVIE I'M WATCHING" from the first gif, i purposefully didn't look at the others. and HOOOOOOH BOY do i love reptilian sea monsters. -looks at my url- -corrects:- sea monsters. boy do i love sea monsters. so i was hyped to watch the movie only to see that design, but an artist i follow was reblogging a bunch about the movie and saying how much they loved it, so, hey! if it's a good movie too, that's a bonus!!

^this is the beauty that had me go “WELLP. THAT’S A MOVIE I’M DEFINITELY GOING TO WATCH”

anyhow.

non-spoiler review: FUN. I LIKED IT. THE ACTION WAS -CHEF'S KIIIIIISS-, THE DESIGNS WERE CHEF'S KISS, IT'S GOT ITS NICE CORNY MORALS FOR AN ANIMATED FAMILY FILM, AND I LIKE PRETTY MUCH ALL THE CHARACTERS. i've got some nitpicks i'll go into in the spoiler part of this review, as it is unfortunately a movie i'd have to force myself to watch again, but, for the most part, that's just 'cause of my own personal stuff / distractibility.

from the caps lock there, obviously i recommend the movie for most people. the most non-spoiler i can get on one of my bigger nitpicks is "character inconsistency. one of the characters seems to have certain traits to service the story's theme, and they inexplicably lose those traits at a certain point to service the story's theme / plot, instead of acting consistent to themself the whole time."

spoilers under cut!

so.

-upset exhale-

Jacob Holland.

he’s the inconsistent character i mentioned above. he’s the “hyper-competent” character, which was done super fun with the action, but then... he... just... falls apart when he’s taken away from his ship. for comedy, kinda. also to show he doesn’t know what he’s doing, sure, ‘cause that’s the point: he DOESN’T know what’s going on with these creatures. so, the writers could have kept that concept, sure -- that he loses some of his competence once he metaphorically loses his footing -- but there could have been a better balance ‘cause that was distracting.

i took some notes after watching the movie and i said “story-servicing abilities rather than character-serving abilities”: his level of competency is hinged to the story and to the writers, not to himself. again, there’s not inherently anything wrong with that -- storytelling is about communication, after all -- but the drastic dip was unbelievable.

another thing that--ugh. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHH. it’s a much smaller deal, but it’s the thing that makes the movie a “i have to force myself to rewatch it” movie.

the... ugh. really? the female-coded EYESHADOW on Red? really???? you have to give the sea monster eyeshadow?????

i would have accepted it if Maisie said her “I think she’s a girl” line or however that went. i would’ve been like “huh. um, okay sure” and that would've been fine. but the kid’s show Bluey and webcomic BACKLASH have spoiled me in regards to female designs. like, look at this wonderfulness:

everyone here is female except for the dad in back! no dumb cartoon eyelashes to tell them apart! you just gotta listen to the pronouns characters call each other. (with a few exceptions through the show, but they're the exception, not the rule, and i have no complaints about those characters)

and look at this! both female! (okay, the first one's from BACKLASH and the second is from a one-shot by the same artist.) no dumb exaggerated eyelashes or eye-shadow-that-doesn’t-actually-exist-because-you-need-to-know-the-character-is-female! wonderful! makes my heart so happy!

so anyway. that aspect of The Sea Beast isn't something that's going to stop me from recommending the movie. it's just a character design thing that irks me, like giving hair only to female stick figures or otherwise-genderless figures. and now that i've seen it's not strictly necessary, it irks me even more, especially on inhuman characters, especially since, usually, inhuman characters would have the males with those features.

anywho.

like i said, good movie, good characters.

i liked the transition of Captain Crow from murky protagonist to CLEAR antagonist, yet nothing he did seemed out of character from how he was introduced, and he was still an empathetic character the whole time. i'd need to rewatch the last scene to fully remember / grasp how his arc resolves, 'cause i do remember going during the credits, "hm, but his crew and ship got away, right? so he didn't have to give that witch 'everything,' right?"

but it seems likely his mental world was shattered and he lost the legacy he'd been working for and living in his whole life. so, neat. there are probably some really good lines and emotional moments around that which will seem even cooler with that in mind.

i liked that Maisie was smart and not just the-kid-in-the-way who has to be constantly saved, and the transition from her being gung-ho to scared and uncertain of the situation when Red first showed up was fast but believable.

and, i'll admit i was getting annoyed with "oh but everything's harmless. we've just been attacking first" oversimplified idea 'cause i've spent some time in places with literal mountain lions, and you gotta be on the lookout, especially if you have dogs, other pets, or kids, so i was grateful for the moment when Maisie, sitting in the gigantic conch shell, heard a roar in the forest and still grabbed a knife. i know it was early in the development of the "question whether something or someone is actually harmful / tradition isn't always right" theme, but i still relaxed

overall, the movie's theme is a bit oversimplified (and i know if i started comparing some of the movie's lines to certain real life idealogical movements, like history-deniers, that i'd be missing the actual points, but some of those lines distracted me too. but, at the same time, i also found the touch about propaganda at the end neat, with the royal family logo and how that was done), and i think How to Train Your Dragon probably went about its concepts more successfully from an animal behavior point of view, but it's a good movie that i'll happily recommend to others. (and i could never really get into the HTTYD movies, either, but that's another personal nitpicky thing, where i suspect i just don't like the more realistic animated movements and physics and a few other minor things lol, so i'm happy to have this movie now 'cause i like it a lot more)

as always, comments welcome, especially comments that disagree or that mention things i skipped over! (yeah, i unfortunately don't have much to say about Sarah Sharpe other than SHE'S SO COOL.) or just someone mutually happily screaming about the movie! remember, i did have happy caps locking at the start of this posts 'cause there's a lot of awesome stuff in this movie!! i appreciate comments and always find them interesting

edit: almost added these to the tags but i didn't want to spoil the creature's tentacles lol 'cause those were DOOOOOOPE

EDIT 2:

RIGHT

YEAH THIS MOMENT. THIS MOMENT WINS FOREVER AND EVER THIS WAS SO COOL YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

#the sea beast #movie review #review

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misalpav · 2 years

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Thor: Love and Thunder Spoiler Review

Ik it’s been two days since I saw the movie. I’ve been too busy to post sryyyyy.

MAJOR SPOILERS BEYOND CUT YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

ok so overall idk it wasn't bad but also wasn't good? I think that was the general consensus of the ppl I watched it with

Things I liked

I'm gonna get to the main cast but MATT DAMON SIR I LOVE YOU. I'm so used to watching the guy kick ass so watching that ridiculous play with him as Loki >>>>>. I got the fact that he cameos spoiled but not like this lmfao 💀

ALSO I LOVED THE TWO GOATS LMAO

Thor - ok appearance-wise I was honestly lmao at the beginning during the transition from that recluse look to what essentially looked like a teen gang leader (BUT ALSO LEATHER JACKET MY BELOVED)

And I mean he was funny

Christian Bale as Gorr damn

KORGGGG I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. My heart almost stopped when the lightning bolt went through him but the scene at the end when he makes a baby with Dwayne <333

also the allusion to Dwayne “The Rock” was hilarious

Jane - I LOVE HER but I wish they slowed down a bit with her character arch. I loved when she introduced herself as Dr. Jane Foster or Mighty Thor though.

AND INTRODUCING MIGHTY THOR J TO KILL HER WTF MARVEL

Valkyrie was queen as always and that moment when she kissed the hand of the girl at Omnipotence <3333

And on that note them showing trans rep with Axel was rly nice

I LOVED THAT SCENE WHERE THOR GAVE HIS POWERS TO ALL THE KIDS AND IT MADE THE LIGHTNING TREE THING OMG it was beautiful

Ok but when they showed that domestic scene with Thor and Gorr’s daughter my first thought was Uncle Loki :’) which I immediately shared with ms. @janetsnakehole02 effectively bringing us both to near tears

HERCULESSSSSSSSS I’M SO HAPPY OMG HE’S IN THE MCU AND HE’S BRETT GOLDSTEIN AKDJHDKFKAUFJHLAU

one thing I suspect though is now that they’ve brought the necrosword and also the concept of celestials and symbiotes into the MCU they’ll also introduce Knull as the next Thanos-level villain in the villain and that’s exciting. I mean, look at him:

Things I disliked

it felt like there were many plot holes lmao like why was Jane able to destroy the necrosword?? why couldn't Thor ask Eternity for Jane back??

The trailers were misleading, I expected more Guardians of the Galaxy tbh

I think there was a lot left out on Thor plot-wise. There was a lot of potential to explore his emotions with the loss of his family but there was just so much of Jane x Thor I think they should’ve toned down the ship and brought up the family feelings

I feel like Gorr was underdeveloped. We saw him getting his motivation but really nothing else about him. What was his civilization like? Were the gods ever good to his people??

It also felt like there was less plot more jokes which was kind of underwhelming

I think Valkyrie was underutilized

I wish they showed some of Thor’s family in Valhalla though seeing Heimdall was nice

ALSO WHY THE HELL DID ZEUS HAVE AN ITALIAN ACCENT??? it was weird tbh

I also noticed a BUNCH of parallels to Loki and Thor in dark world that they recreated with Jane and Thor and tbh why???? It just didn’t feel as original after that

Idk just overall something was missing

Rating: 4/10 - I might rewatch it for a few scenes but I don’t really care enough to rewatch the whole movie. I’m kind of disappointed bc even though I had low expectations for this movie something about it being a Thor movie and the fact that I just generally like Thor movies made it even more disappointing when I didn’t love it.

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the-cat-chat · 6 months

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October 13, 2023

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Jason Voorhees is accidentally awakened from his watery grave, and he ends up stalking a ship full of graduating high school students headed to Manhattan, NY.

JayBell: We made a critical error this Halloween season. We finally decided to watch Friday the 13th, but we failed to realize that there was an ACTUAL Friday the 13th happening this October and we watched it too early. Our bad. So instead, we decided it was only appropriate to continue our Friday the 13th journey with this gem.

Now we were pretty disappointed in the first Friday the 13th. And of course we went into this movie knowing that it was probably going to be pretty bad. And it was! But it was still watchable, and that's more than I can say for some of the stuff we've watched.

One thing I do like about this one is that the teenagers are given distinct personalities and styles and whatnot unlike the mostly generic sameness of the personalities in the first movie (aside from annoying Ned good riddance). They actually feel like different people, even if it's mainly based on shallow stereotypes. Can we talk about the dog though? Why was the dog even in the movie at all? Was it take your dog to work day and they decided to just throw him in the movie cause he was on set?

Now the biggest problem I have with this movie isn't the stupidity of the characters, stupid storyline, or bad acting. No. It's the fact that it should be called Jason Takes a Cruise and not Jason Takes Manhattan because it takes him forever to actually get to New York. And I'm taking off a whole point for not having the final battle be in the Statue of Liberty.

Final Note: Who decided that rooftop fight should be like five minutes long? It went on and on and on. And yet somehow it's my favorite death scene of the franchise so far. Go figure.

Final Final Note: I love that when they shot the "New York" scenes they really decorated the set with so much graffiti. They must have run out of paint.

Rating: 4/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I guess the only type of horror movies I like are the ones I can make fun of. Bc when things went sideways with Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey, on Friday the 13th I thought it was the stars aligning for us the skipppp a whooole bunch of Friday the 13th and go to this one. Bc it’s absolutely absurd right?? I read the plot after we watched the original and in my soul I hoped for a future where we watched this.

Annnd wow. Just wow. There’s so many little things that are soo odd. And it’s the acting and the plot. like the concept is absurd. It’s the 80s. Like Jaybell says it seems a whole lot reasonable to call this Jason loves boats or Jason takes a Cruise bc the whole time you’re on a boat not Manhattan, except maybe the last 20 minutes- which agaiiin wow. But we’ll get to that. My chief complaints- who takes a dog on a senior trip to Manhattan!!! Via boat. And the dogs the only one with common sense in the whole movie. Like for reaaallllzzzz. Which leads me to point of my next complaint. No one runs they just scream and lie there while Jason stands over them like this lunatic will change his mind about killing them. Okay.

Then. We have our arrival in NYC. First, the bad “gang members guys.” Woof. And they drug what’s her name?? But then when Jason saves her to continue chasing her she completely fine?!? I can’t stay up after taking one Benadryl! But whatever. And her uncle- I thought he was the most reasonable but he’s a freak. And let’s all spilt up??? Has anyone ever seen scooby doo. Bc that don’t work. Annnnd that head shot. Wooooooofff. Anyways not as funny as I’d like and not reasonable enough to be a continuation of the original but honestly idk it was absurd enough to entertain me for a bit. The smart one of the movie is the dog. Omigawd that reminds meeeee. So the paddle to Manhattan from the main boat. In a little boat. And the dog and one guy get in right. But Jason whose home turf is WATeR!!! Doesn’t emerge until they arrive at the dock. He doesn’t drag them into the water while they’re out floating in a row boat. Ooooo and in the sewer- I’ll be scarred for lyfe. Whatever. I hate it but I don’t??? It’s weird. I think it’s bc it is just an experience and a half???

Rating: 2/10 Pumpkins 🎃

#movie #movie review #friday the 13th

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foreverydinger · 1 year

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SWYNRP Character Wishlist: A list of 10+ characters you’d like to see in the RP (for you to play or someone else!)

This list is going to just be a bunch of characters I’ve thought of picking up so if you pick them up you’ll both save me from myself and also probably make me the tiniest bit melancholy but it’s probably for the best please help!

**Note: I stand by my one from last year still so here: Refer back to this please and thanks!

Henri Cogsworth: Once upon the time my honorific in this group was Cursed Creator and I stand by characters who are cursed are completely underrated in this group! We need more bitches who suffer from Magick Shenanigans (especially if it’s their fault)! Henri decided to be Anti-Magick and found some goddamn consequences so now the watchmaker experiences time weirdly by changing ages! This is cool!

Petunia Robinson: Okay, my beloved Petunia is someone I miss but did not have the muse for back in the day. But, once again, a Cursed Character!!!! She is a goddamn puppet! Like a legit puppet! Oh my god she’s a goddamn puppet in a huge family!!! Anyway, I think that this vapid queen is such a good concept. Still in love with her aesthetic.

Sally Finklestein: Precogs are cool, okay? Especially if you do something spicy with it (like the skeleton says about her friend #rip that people don’t believe precogs! Cassandra Syndrome is should be called at this point!!) I just feel like her sheltered life mixed with her being able to get insight to the future would make for such an interesting person. She’s so soft, I love her.

Roger Lepus: Okay, I’m a goddamn sucker for an Alice in Wonderland character and this bitch can make rabbit hole portals to get around????????? And he’s STILL LATE????? And he’s got anxiety!! He’s like me for real for real! (No, not really, I’m an early bitch because I’m scared of being late but still) I love him someone get him

Kara Gordon: POSITIVE GOTH PRECOG!!!!!! Come ON, PEOPLE!!! She sees all the good things that will happen so she’s cynical and jaded and GOTH AF!!! Fuck if this isn’t such a cool concept I’m in love with her and want to BE HER!!!

Sara Gordon: You know what’s also cool as fuck?!?! A NEGATIVE PRECOG!!!! Sara chooses to be happy and cheerful because the bad will never surprise her! Plus she’s so blunt it’s not even funny! If any of you approach me about playing these twins I might just break istfg I love them this is unfair

Te Ka/Te Fiti: Okay, but a wrathful deity regarding pollution with lava powers and they have amnesia?! Sign me the fuck up! Please take them, they are too powerful! I need to be saved from them! I have so manyinspo things saved in my personal Discord but I do not have a good story laid out someone come get their wrathful deity plz!! Plus they’re nonbinary!! More gender diverse characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angel Milano: ANGEL MY HONEY MY BABY MY GOOD TIME GAL!!!!! Oh Goodness Me!!! This little honey is everything to me!! Lady and the Tramp 2 is such an underrated CLASSIC and people need to appreciate her more! I actually have, like, whole ideas for this baby girl and I would love to discuss them with you and plot and oh someone get my girl she needs a home so bad and I cannot be her parent I just cannot but maybe someday

Cedric Richards: James & the Giant Peach is something that is so special to me and scared my little brother so badly he had nightmares for weeks every time we watched this movie as kids. Cedric here having this briefcase full of magical items and just being a sneaky little New Yorker POS Thief Man??? God, it has so much potential. Someone come get this man and do silly things with his briefcase. You know the briefcase kid? Well he grew up and now he’s even weirder in a good way!

Roz Peterson: The idea of being on the inside the RAS while also being on the outside of the RAS at the same time because your job is to always be keeping an eye out and not get involved unless absolutely necessary all while your cover being a secretary at that awful secondary school is just so juicy and good. I’ve thought about it plenty of times. Don’t make me do it! Someone take her from me!

#swynwrimosammy #swynwrimo

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tropicalfreckles · 2 years

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So like I have a bunch of notes on this concept I drew with Lupin IV mamo time travel stuff but I feel like I wanna draw it out more as well.

Like I already got the plot of why he's dealing with time travel. Short story is he's going up against Mamo's grandson who wants to avenge the family name and in revenge force Lupin III and his own children to fight to the death and end the Lupin family line once and for all. Lupin IV and his gang, who legit only know a little about Mamo since their dad sometimes is a cryptic bitch about old stories he told them, is processing all this on the fly after they get thrown back in time to way before the Lupin twins mom even MEETS Lupin to begin with. (im still slowly working on that fanfic too of their first meeting. i got writers block bad lol)

Kiyoko Zenigata also gets wrapped up in it because she was like in mid chase with Lupin and his gang when they got all zapped to the future first so Mamo's grandson could control sending them back to the proper past. She hides from Mamo and sneaks into the second zap to the far past to try and see if she can get ahold of this situation. Unlike her dad who usually in these kinds of stories for specials and movies... gets thrown to the sidelines, Kiyoko is like actively part of this whole thing.

She recognizes tho that her jurisdiction doesn't even EXIST yet and there isn't exactly training on what to do when you time travel, so she VERY begrudgingly teams up with Lupin IV, Renee and their gang. Lupin jr gang however does not know the real reason they were thrown in the past, and decides to try to figure out Mamo grandson's plan they gotta find their dad and see if he knows where Mamo's old time machine is (Lupin left out him, jigen and goemon just decimated the shit out of that thing lol).

So that's the start of it and their plan was trying to draw Lupin out since every old hide out they had checked so far from their dad had been empty as shit so they dont know which one he's currently in even tho they narrowed down which country due to the news. Lupin had been watching after first heist they very publicly made, but doesn't approach til after the third because something felt off and it didn't feel like the usual kind of idiots that would pose as him.

(also as for the fight to the death plan from mamo grandson, he already had in the works lies put in place informing lupin and his own gang that these imposters were really assassins trying to draw him out and kill him.)

#next i gotta draw this scene with renee and her dad #THAT or maybe kiyoko lol #i still also gotta write that kiyoko fanfic too where lupin meets her as a kid #lupin iv #lupin twins

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whencartoonsruletheworld · 3 years

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The Thrilling Saga of Connie paying real life money for the Worst Sonic TV Show

Let’s begin with the simple fact that me and my sister, @birdsareblooming “Cori”, have both been hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog since last March. During this hyperfixation, I was on Sonic Wiki to copy-paste song lyrics onto my stolen mp3s, and I called my sister in and pointed at the template at the bottom.

“What is this Sonic Underground thing?” I asked. “It has one shit billion songs.”

So we clicked on the page to read about it, and each sentence we read was a punch in the gut and this quickly became the funniest thing we’d ever read. Highlights include:

It looks like this:

“Sonic[...] is known to be a prince”

Sonic has two siblings who actually have good characterization but their names are literally just Sonia and Manic. Like. Sonic split into two names. jesus christ

Also Sonic and his siblings all share a voice actor. honestly Jaleel White does his best with it but

“The three siblings possess enchanted medallions that transform not only into musical instruments, but also into weapons.”

“Some fans consider Sonia to be a clone of Amy Rose, minus the attraction Amy feels for Sonic.” YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

“Manic is the most often captured of the siblings” himbo king

Knuckles shows up, and for the first, like, two sentences his description is very similar to the game, and then you get immediately pulverized by “He has a pet Dinosaur called Chomps.”

Literally so many sentences on Sonic Wiki are lowkey salty about this show. The page features lines such as “Sonic Underground bears little relation to the often complex Sonic universe (including previous animated series, as well as Sonic comics and games), and shares only three established characters” and “many of the characters in the Freedom Fighter group that were in Sonic the Hedgehog are completely left out (including Tails).”

“The show met with mostly negative reviews.”

*checks air dates* It only lasted two goddamn months

So after seeing this we thought it was the funniest thing and we showed our older sister, @patema-introverted “North.” To our surprise, our at the time “knew nothing about this sonic bullshit” sister recognized the show. Turns out she’d seen trailers for it as a child and that was her sole exposure to Sonic canon.

We were in quarantine at the time, so we ended up finding it on YouTube and binge-watching it all together as a sibling bonding activity. It was just as hilarious as we thought it would be- some stuff was legitimately good, like the sibling dialogue for instance, but good lord were the character designs ugly, the plot all over the place, and pretty much every song, um, not great. Also there was one episode that we skipped because it got, um, I think “stereotypical” is the nicest word I can use here.

But the point is, we had a jolly good time watching it, and afterwards we binged all the other Sonic shows and bonded as a family.

After quarantine, North and I go back to college. My roommate gets groceries at Walmart, while I get them elsewhere, so while she and North collect food I wander the DVD aisle to look at the cool movies and also dumpster-dive in the bargain bin for Cats (2019). I am also short as fuck, so the top shelf of movies I cannot see, I can only read the labels.

So one day I was browsing the DVDs, and glancing over at the labels for the top shelf. I read over the final one before the shelves end.

And then I stop, do a double take, and have a heart attack, because there is a label that reads “SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74″

I immediately climb the shelf but there aren’t any DVDs atop the shelf. However, the label is still there. I excitedly tell my sister and roommates, freak out with them a bit, and then give myself a mission statement:

I will buy the $4 Sonic Underground DVD from Walmart

I did not want it as a gift, I did not want to find it online. I wanted to walk into a store, pick up the Worst Sonic Show on DVD, walk it straight to the checkout, and in front of the cashier and God, pay for it with my own money. I did not care if it was the whole series or two episodes; I needed to do this for my own serotonin.

We would go to Walmart about once a week. Every time, I would go to the DVD aisle, and go right to the end of the shelves. I would stare at the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74 and empty space above it and wonder who the fuck was buying this other than me. I would occasionally ask employees if they had any copies in storage. I would build a shrine to Manic in my room. Okay, no I didn’t, but only because my RA would have murdered me.

Christmas break comes, and we have to go home. We have a nice Christmas, and Cori and I infodump at each other about how we would make Sonic Underground a good show (note: we’re both galaxy braining) and also play Bendy and the Ink Machine. Fun times.

When we finally get back to College, it’s late January- long story short we have a very long winter break. My roommate who gets food at Walmart got food without us the first week cause she showed up first, so we take her out to Walmart the first time in the year of our lord 2021 on January 29.

I wander the Valentine’s aisle, immediately grabbing a sequin puppy. I go to the DVDs and see Animaniacs Season One, also grab that.

And then.

There it is.

The Holy Grail.

Above the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74, is one DVD left.

Already I am losing my mind. It’s roughly seven hours of episodes- I couldn’t find an episode list, but I think that’s half the show, for $4! And the cover is amazing.

That’s a png of Sonic from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) with a medallion badly photoshopped over it. The medallion is too small.

Manic is shoved into the corner. He doesn’t have his medallion at all.

Sonia isn’t even pictured on the front cover, probably because they realized she was the worst designed of the bunch. I’m not ragging on her though, because she’s still one of the better designed characters of the show. Those background characters make me cry

So you bet your ass I finally paid my hard-earned $4 for this shit. Upon getting home, I discovered that there was even wilder shit with this DVD than I thought.

For starters: the bonus features listed are as follows:

Original Concept Art - did not expect that these character designs were the final draft

Storyboard-to-screen - did not expect they bothered to storyboard this

Music Video Jukebox - that’s cute, they thought we liked the music

Interviews with original screenwriter & executive producer - I fully expect the only questions to be “why.”

On the left of this list are screenshots from the show, where people can finally see Sonia, who we Know™ is a girl because she is pink and has hair and also an actual body shape instead of just circles like her brothers.

But wait... what’s that in the lefthand corner?

That looks like some kind of robot. But it’s not a robot from Sonic Underground! That didn’t appear once. Why is it here?

The mystery continues upon opening the DVD case: inside are advertisements for other collections, including other Sonic DVDs: two volumes of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) and the final episodes of Sonic the Hedgehog “SatAM” (1993)

First of all, the first volume of AOSTH has the exact same PNG of Sonic as the Underground Volume 1. Not even trying to hide it. But second... the second volume of AOSTH also has this robot on its cover.

And THIS ROBOT IS ALSO DECORATING THE THIRD DISC IN THE SET?

So you may be asking, who is this robot? Is it from AOSTH or Underground?

IT’S FROM FUCKING SATAM. The one show that doesn’t have it decorating the DVD covers.

Also, not only is it from SatAM, it only appears in one fucking episode. Not a major character! AND IT HAS A DIFFERENT DESIGN ON THE PROMO ART, WITH HAIR AND FANGS.

Why is it showing up everywhere? What is going on?

I have not yet had the opportunity to watch this glorious piece of animation, but I am so glad at the confusion I have felt upon receiving it.

But before I go, I must share with you the best part of this DVD purchase. And it was flipping to the back, scanning the details, and discovering the exact runtime of the episode collection.

Guys, gals, and enby pals, friends and enemies, Nintendo and Sega, the first Volume of Sonic Underground has a runtime of...

420 MINUTES.

Maybe I’m wrong and this IS the best Sonic show.

#sonic underground #sonic the hedgehog #sonic 2020 #walmart #mine #connie writes #story time with tumblr

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introvertguide · 3 years

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The Road Movie

Most movies follow a general script type depending on genre, and this is used to tell a story that has a satisfying ending. It is interesting when a movie mixes up type and tone and goes against genre type. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it is terrible. Great directing and acting can make the subversion of expectations less jarring (or more depending on the end goal), but the end goal and tone allows us to attach a film to a genre. But what about films that aren't about the end goal? There are many films that are in a sub-genre that focus on the journey with little regard to the end goal. These are what are called "road movies" and can fall under many different genres since the end goal doesn't really matter. Let's address some famous road movies through the years that are also classified in a variety of other genres:

Huckleberry Finn (1931)

The OG of travel films, this was the sequel to Tom Sawyer (1930) and had the same child actors. This wasn't what you would call financially successful, but this was largely due to the Great Depression. The 1939 version of the movie did a lot better and was one of the well known films of child actor Mickey Rooney. This story of travel was an early role for many actors including Rooney, Ron Howard, and Elijah Wood. Although there were threats of death and portrayals of slavery, this film was considered a family adventure in the pre-code film era. I guess a boy escaping his abusive father in the company of an adult escaped slave where people are actively attempting to rob and kill them was considered a fun family romp in the early 30s. This was the same story that came from a book that was banned in schools during the 1980s. It is a great story and I love the works of Mark Twain; I am just surprised at the genre.

Stagecoach (1939)

This is a great movie that transcends the Western genre of which it is categorized. A group of people all have different reasons for traveling from an Arizona territory over to New Mexico. There is word of vengeful thieves and angry Apaches that threaten the small band of travelers. It is actually very intense because the threat feels very real throughout the film. The entire film focuses on the journey and the relationships forged (and broken) on the way. This was the breakout role for John Wayne and was part of an amazing string of films directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne.

Easy Rider (1969)

This is a film that really spoke to the hippie movement during the Vietnam Era. It is statement on how difficult it is to truly be free and how society fears that freedom and tries to destroy it. The film might very well have the worst dialogue of any movie I have ever seen. Actors Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper were actively using drugs throughout film production, so the real draw was the sweet rides and the moving soundtrack. This is a movie where I actually want more driving montages and less character development because I don't identify with the characters at all. Maybe it is a generational gap.

Paper Moon (1973)

This film is amazing. It is the story of a traveling grifter who takes a little girl on the road with him after her mother dies. He teaches her how to make a living cheating people and they form a father-daughter type of relationship. It is a comedy drama that won the girl an Oscar for best supporting actress when she was only 10. Some nice back story, the girl is Tatum O'Neal and is the actual daughter of the grifter, played by Ryan O'Neal. It is kind of strange, but this is a "coming of age" film on the road.

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Now this is what I am talking about. Two brothers go on a trip after being released from jail because they got a message from God. I am pretty sure that this film still holds the record for most crashed vehicles in a single movie. It is also interesting that the film is technically a musical. The brothers stop at different locations and songs break out. In between stops, they are chased by the police in an almost demolition derby style chase. I really enjoy this movie and believe that it really keeps a fast pace (literally and figuratively), but, like many road films, I can't say it is good because it is more of an experience than a story.

Thelma and Louise (1991)

This was an interesting twist on the "run from the law" type of film. Two women are friends and decide go on a weekend retreat. They get in trouble after killing a man who tries to assault them and have to run from the authorities. It has a reputation for being very feminist (despite being directed by accused mesogenist Ridley Scott) because of the negative portrayal of men. It obviously wasn't that bad since it was nominated for 6 Oscars including both leads for best actress. In fact, Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon were both nominated for best actress at the Academy Awards, the BAFTAs, and the Golden Globes. It is the quintessential road film since the end goal is constantly changing and best defined as "away from here."

Natural Bork Killers (1994)

This was kind of a strange film. It is a crime drama where the audience follows two killers with traumatic childhoods as they meet and go on a murder spree. Similar to Bonnie and Clyde, but with gory murders as the focus over bank robberies. It is directed by Oliver Stone, and criticizes the glorification of violence by the media. It is most definitely a road movie because the end goal for the two is simply to be together and enjoy the rush of breaking the law. Hm. It is actually quite a bit like Bonnie and Clyde. Interesting. I would like to make a note that my mom hates this film because of the shaky cam and Dutch angles. It made her feel sick at the theater.

Road Trip (2000)

OK. This is far and away my least favorite film on this list, but it is the most famous "boner road comedy" that I am familiar with. It is a high school/college coming-of-age film that focus on the sexual pursuits of a group of young men. These types of films are marked with gross out humor, gratuitous nudity, and boys trying to have sex. There was a bunch of films like this that came out around the early 2000s and they all had to do with boys traveling some place in search of idealized sex (the plot on this one is a little different, something to do with a sex tape) and generally they find that the best girl for them was there by them all along. It takes a nice idea of character development and throws raunchy jokes and boobs at it. I was not a fan, but it was definitely a thing.

Death Proof (2007)

This is much better shlock. It is the Tarantino version of exploitation grindhouse films of the seventies, but updated to be a women empowerment film. It was part of a double feature that was paired with a horrific zombie outbreak film directed by Rod Rodriguez, but this one is much better on its own. It is the story of an old stunt man who travels around looking for unsuspecting victims whom he can run down in his indestructible car. This is a great example of what a road movie can be because Tarantino took the concept of a slasher and put it completely on the road.

Mad Max Fury Road (2015)

Here is an action revenge film in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where most of the film is driving. The producers couldn't find a director who they trusted with remaking George Miller's Mad Max franchise so the 70 year old Miller said "hold my beer" and made this masterpiece that is arguably better than any of the first three (edit: I guess Miller always intended to direct but it took so long to go into production that he joked in interviews about giving up on it). The original trilogy with Mel Gibson presents an amazing world where most people are nomadic and traveling can be a life or death proposition. Fury Road is the further adventures of the character and his interaction with one Furiosa. The use of many practical effects on moving vehicles that was garnished with CG effects made for one of the best action films in the last decade. It was more than a simple movie about traveling; it was a land were the road was life and everything surrounded the ability to be mobile enough to get supplies in a dead world.

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This is by no means all of the road movies. The Wizard of Oz is technically a road movie. The Grapes of Wrath is a critically acclaimed road movie from around the same time. Comedies like The Cannonball Run, Smokey and the Bandit, and National Lampoon's Vacation can all be classified in the genre. Rain Man is one of the best films of all time and it can be classified as a road movie. What it comes down to is that, when considering characters, a writer should think about the journey itself and think of how the leads interact with this entity. The road might be the best character in the whole story.

#road movies #thelma and louise #stagecoach #huck finn #mad max fury road #death proof #road trip #natural born killers #the blues brothers #paper moon #easy rider #introvert #introverts

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Ducktales Comics: Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime or Weblena: The Preschool Days (Lena Retrospective) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Shadow Into Light, My Lena Retrospective, which fittingly has now come to Women’s History Month! I sadly do not have anything besides this arc prepared for the month. This month is pretty packed for me with two shows a week to cover, as while there’s only two weeks of Ducktales left final space starts up right after to take it’s spot, two arcs to cover, and two time specific movie reviews: animal crossing the movie and the 1990 TMNT film. I will try to get more than the currently planned top 12 superheroines list out there... but this month is very tight as is, so if I do not I deeply apologize.

Now that’s out of the way, it’s appropriate we start Women’s history month on some likely lesser known parts of Lena’s history, with some comics stories focusing on our faviorite emo lesbian duck and her 87 counterpart. Before I get started on that though Kev my patreon pointed out something intresting a few weeks back i’ve been forgetting to get to and since we’re looking into Minima, I felt this was the perfect time to do so: Lena’s Concept art.

There’s quite a few things to gleam from this. For starters as pointed out in the reddit thread I got the image as a whole from this was made in 2015, meaning Lena was one of the first new characters designed for the series and was part of it from the VERY early stages, as evidenced by the fact that despite clearly having their new personalities established, Beakly and Webby still had the old designs.

The other notable change is that her first design was way more like both Magica nad Minima, a bit more modern, but clearly far more obvious who she was related to. She also had all black feathers making the shadow twist a bit more obvious and was likely done away with both to avoid giving that twist away, the same reason for the fake lestrange name, and to avoid accidently black coding her, as while Lena being black would’ve been intersting, it also would’ve invited a firestorm of controversy given that their one black character in season 1.. woul’dve started off as a homeless, manipulative antagonist, and none of that would play well nor was it something the progressive crew of this show couldn’t spot from a mile away. And even this early on they have an almost final design ready, simply changing the shirt to fit her personality more, and her hair to be pink because it honestly looked better She also had green eyes throughout, but for whatever reason they phased them out. That part I don’t quite get as they look nice but probably they were hard to translate to the reboot style once they settled on their own. Her purple eyeshadow and haircut though have stuck since and were good calls.

One last VERY obvious note.. Webby was gay for Lena from minute one. While Dana helped it is now VERY obvious they gay coded this relationship from the design phase, and the crew was entirely aware the whole time and I gave them less credit than I should have. They clearly had this in mind, and it’s very likely ONLY subtext because Disney, while making more and more progress, is very reluctant to have queer characters as Owl House was a struggle and since they have a tighter leash on properites based on the sensational 6, that means Frank knew they had the same odds of making Webby or Della queer in anything but subtext that a pig has of suviving in a slaughterhouse. I bring this up because I fear the series getting accused of queerbaiting somewhere down the road instead of doing what they could with a bad hand and hoping they could make the show as gay as they could. Penny is as out as they posisbly could get her, and Violet and Lena’s dad’s got a full apperance, if no speaking role that made it obvious beyond a shadow of a doubt their gay and did it in a plot important episode. So they did their best and I want them to get credit for that.

But while this is all intresting stuff, join me under the cut for the meat of today’s review as I dig into Lena’s only apperance in the tie-in comic that was never punished here, and the only apperance of her protoype Minima.

Spies Like Us: As I mentioned this comic was never published here which is doubly weird to me because of how I knew this story existed. Since I follow comics weekly and buy trades reguarly, I read the solicits companies put out eveyr month to see what new series are coming, what the ones i’m currently reading are doing, and what trades are coming out. That sort of thing, and it’s something I love. I know their basically adds.. but their well put together adds that really pull you into the books you like. The big two and the indies are all very good at it and sometimes i’ts the only way to know a comic is coming if the company dosen’t make a press release for it ahead of time.

So naturally given there are several comics I follow at idw, paticuarlly the TMNT comics, I read those solicits and found they were going to do an issue with Webby and Lena becoming spies, and was excited about it. I ended up forgetting about it and never really followed the Ducktales comic as it came out, and upon reading an issue or two recently, one for another comission by kev as one story, happy happy valley, was particularly terrible. For those who haven’t read the story or my review, it involved the family getting stranded on an island where their forced to partake in activites and smile..that somehow turned into an aseop about Louie wanting to be rich. It ended with this

Yes.. really. That actually happened. But even with this, I fully planned to cover the issue when I covered Lena, and brought it up to Kev when he commissioned the retrospective. He gave me the discord equilvent of a blank stare and had never heard of it. I soon found out why: the story was replaced as, and fair play to disney, it spoiled Beakly’s past from the agent 23 episode which wasn’t going to air in time. What dosen’t work is they never reprinted the story in The US.. didn’t put it in a future issue and just swap it’s place didn’t put it in the nothing. And the story was fully complete as we’ll see, with a cover and everything so they had no excuse whatsoever to NEVER use it, even with what happened to Lena in the season finale, this clearly took place before that and it was weird to just shelve it because of that. But thankfully when a bunch of the stories were reprinted overseas, this and another one, also webby centric got published overseas. But not in english.

Lucky for me, I was able to find an english translation of an english story which you can read RIGHT HERE. It was translated by @neopuff and I thank them for it as without them this review would not be possible and want to give them all the credit. So was it worth all their hard work translating it? Well let’s take a look.

We begin at the Manor where Lena is skulking around suspiciously.. though it turns out she and Webby are just playing hide and seek. Though Lena accuses cheating. The dialouge here is pretty flat though that’s not Neopuff’s fault at all. As I can attest from reading other stories a lot of the early IDW comics are just this flat in dialoguge no matter the writer as they were likely given character descriptions and basic info about the show they likely had written up for merchandising and Frank and Co were given no involvement and likely weren’t made avaliable to consult on the comics to help them be a bit more fleshed out. It’s very obvious to me Disney just tried to get these pumped out so they’d have a series in stores to tie in without carring about qualities and given Scrooge debuted in comics, their lack of care toward that side of things in general, but especially in the first american published original duck comics in a while, bothers me a lot. It’s inexcusable.

That being said the story isn’t half bad nor is the setup as the two hear a beeping and find it’s Beakly’s phone going off with a mysterious message from Q, Webby thinks she’s been reactivated, and is encouraged by Lena to go look after her while she stays along. While Webby says in response

It just feels grossly out of character for both. Lena is far more subtle about manipulation as shown five minutes ago and Webby blindly trusts her. Because she has a massive crush on her and is naïve about how the world works. It just seems very odd of her to get suspicious as she never does on screen, and again it comes off as Disney having barely given the writers any materials on them when i’m sure Frank or Matt would’ve been happy to write up a thing for them to help outside of the usual press materials they were given.

Though hte last line isn’t all that out of character and has an obvious answer as within a jumpcut Launchpad’s taking them to London and is told to blend in.. which he does with an australian flag and accent.. good gag.

So our heroines do some heroic breaking and entering and look for the package, but soon find while hiding it’s already in transit.. and had obvious bows on int. Whoops. Our heroes trie the old follow tha tcar bit and refreshingly, it dosen’t pan out as the guy stops and tells them to get out. A nice twist. Unable to follow, our heroes instead find launchpad lost, as his map is upside down

So Lena dares him if he can follow that plane, a nice bit of character for both. I will give Joe credit. While the dialouge’s a bit flat and there was that out of character moment.. for the most part he does nail the actual character down and does use it decently enough. He’s just not given enough page room or actual details to work with is all.

So while our heroes follow they end up having to crash as they run out of fuel.. lucky their with the expert but end up near home where the package is delivered to. Turns out this wasn’t a spy thing, this was just a thing with her aunt. That’s fine and a nice gag.. it’s just ruined by just sorta.. ending. Lena leaves disapointed and Beakly scolds webby for “playing spy” and she’s sad. That’s it that’s how it ends. Which dosen’t fit the characters, as while Beakly would defintely scold her, it just dosen’t FIT that she’d be that tearse or not appricate the effort or give her an actual lecture and it feels like Joe had no idea how to end this after the gag and just.. ended it.

Final Thoughts for Spies Likes Us: This was okay. It is a bit of a disappointment as for the only story not available.. i’ts just okay and not really above an average Ducktales comics story, with some nice character bits but feeling a bit weak overall, as do at least the first half of the idw comics. I haven’t read the later stuff to see if it got better. It’s worth a read if you like Webby and Lena as characters and it’s not BAD, it’s just not anything impressive and is a simple hyjinks filled misunderstanding story.

Dime After Dime:

So now we go back a bit to the original. I didn’t do these in chronological order because frankly, Dime after Dime is the better story of the two and the bigger one at that, so I have more to work with here. But the original also had comics and honestly from the few i’ve read much BETTER comics. I chalk this up to two things: The Ducktales 87 comics seem to have come out AFTER the series was already a hit, and since Ducktales is pretty close to the original uncle scrooge comics minus it’s own tweaks here and there, it’s easy enough to just write the stories like you would a regular uncle scrooge story, just with Webby and Launchpad added, whereas the idw writers were staffed with writing for all new versions of the characters with noticable differences without much to go on. It’s why to me with tie in comics you have two options: Wait long enough so you can put your story inbtween the episodes like the Steven Universe and Regular Show comics did or just make your own continuity entirely like the Adventure Time Comics and the Archie TMNT Adventures series did. The ONLY time i’ve seen a comic work like this is the Bravest Warriors comic, which had a talented writer and fit well enough in the margins until it sadly ended.. and honestly is BETTER in some cases than the series. I might get to it someday. The point is this comic shows why you need to have a deft hand adapting something instead of just falling your arms about and hoping it’ll work.

So today’s comic was part of some Disney Series called cartoon tales, which clearly repackaged comic stories from wherever, and put them together. I don’t know much about it and the only other issue avaliable collects the disney adventures adaptation of “Just Us Justice Ducks”, which I might cover at some point. This book does have two other stories which i’d be happy to do on comission or on my own at some point, one involving gladstone the other gizmoduck, but for now, i’m just sticking to the title story and the reason you all came here.

So we open with Magica gazing into her crystal ball from her Mt. Vesuvies base saying that Scrooge will never know what hit him I know exactly what and who wiil hit him thank you very much.

Scrooge is seeing Webby off to her first day of day camp, getting all teary eyed which is touching. Beakly apparently goes with her as the story never SAYS Sshe does but she’s not also not around when the story moves on, as Launchpad says it looks like rain. Scrooge dismisses him, though Launchpad turns out to be right. Scrooge had good reason for once though, instead of just being a dick good on you comic for making me not want to punch him in the face, trust me that is a high bar to clear with the scrooge comics, as the weather was fine just a minute ago. Naturally it was Magica All Along! Nothing scrooge can do now that eveyrthing has gone wrong! Her entrance though is sadly not a catchy earwormy tune, but .. this confusing line

I think your thinking of Gladstone. And he’s still single so.. have at that but no Scrooge is the one who values hard work over anything else and brags about THAT or being rich. I .. I don’t get this line and frankly I don’t want to. Even in stories where the dime is supernaturally lucky and the source of his wealth he dosen’t boast about it because he’s not stupid and dosen’t want everyone knowing how to bankrupt him instantly. This line will baffle me until I die, presumably, given my life’s tragetctory, after reviewing an episode of mighty ducks and slipping on some a jerky wrapper.

Scrooge asks what she wants...

No this isn’t that kind of story sadly. Her plan is to.. zap the bin with lightning and take the dime. Really just went with your first draft didn’t you magica? But as stupid as this plan is Scrooge has prepared for it. He installed a lightning rod on the bin to save on power, and to power his new super soaker traps. So all Magica did was save him money. She flies off and nothing is acomplished.

So we get back to Webby at the Teenie Weenie Day Camp.. and just so you don’t think that was a terrible joke on my part...

My theory for how this name got approved at all is the editor KNEW how that sounded and just wanted to see if Disney would actually print a comic with the phrase Teenie Weenie without getting what it means in slang or how hilariously inapproriate it is to namme a children’s camp after it.

Your probably wondering who that grown woman calling Webby a dweeb is. Well story wise, she’s SUPPOSED to be another kid at the camp around Webby’s age. In practice, she looks like THIS in closeup

So it looks and plays like a 30 year old woman snuck into the day camp and no one’s noticed she’s not actually a children. Or their just humoring her because she had a week to live. I don’t know. I do know she doesn’t get to judge on names.

Snippy Von Glitz, proof rich people really do hate their kids and this this comic is trying personally to give me material. Snippy is your average alpha bitch, taking a chair from Minma and being obnoxious and classist and all that jazz. Minima gets hers back by making the chair bouncy then returning it to normal so Snippy gets in trouble when she makes up things about the chair, with the lady in charge getting ready to call her Dad. You cannot convince me that her “Dad” is just what she calls her husband, this is how they both get off, and that the lady at the preschool only tolerates it because they pay her a lot and so far the kids haven’t noticed Snippy is 30. Webby likes minima finding her name pretty, proving that the ho yay is alive no matter the webby and magica relative, and Minma returns the favor by saving her from a block.

Minma is reluctant to make an actual friend, finding they aren’t worth anything and given most of the kids here apparently pick on her and her aunt is well.. Magica, it’s understandable why she’d be so cold. But Webby presses on and says something from Scrooge about friends. Which given Ducktales scrooge has none goes weird but it gets Minma to find out she knows and lives with Scrooge, so she cons webby into taking the dime for show and tell, showing that she can manipulate them with her powers, and that he won’t notice it’s missing, getting her with “I thought you wanted to be friends”

So let’s pause for a second and compare and contrast the two: Both are the niece, or at least sorta in Lena’s case, of Magica, both manipulate webby, and both are her first real friend: The 87 boys are little monsters and I don’t consider them friends or even brothers, while the 2017 ones are just that: brothers. Their her siblings in all but blood, not friends and have hteir own long complicated history.

But otherwise the two are vastly different. Lena is a far more complex character as she’s been abused her whole life, is a rebel because Magica hardly gave her agency, and while she starts wooing webby out of self interest it’s clear even as far as the first episode she cares. Lena would gladly be part of the world if she could and this whole scheme is to gain that choice.

Minma is still sympathetic but very different: She walls herself off because the other kids laugh and mock her for being herself and lashes out at them.. not unreasonably mind , but still feeling she needs no one else.. but as we’ll learn later she’s only helping Magica to finally feel accepted, to get all the fancy clothes and stuff that will make her popular instead of that grown woman masquerading as a kid for disturbing reasons. Minma is at her heart just a hurt kid desperate to fit in. And while Lena shares the desire for a place to belong.. it’s at it’s core much sadder. Lena.. wants a family. Someone to love her and to care about her and actually look after her. Minma has that she just wants to be loved. it’s similar but very diffrent and I can see why Lena evolved into what she did, as Frank and Matt ended up going in a far darker but ultimately more interesting direction. Minima is not a bad character at all though and without her I don’t think we would’ve had Lena, but at the end of the day the 87verse is just not that complicated, so the reboot needed something more and that more evolved into who we have now.

Both kids excitedly talk about their new friends, with their respective guardians being distracted. Scrooge is distracted by the fact his car is a bit bumpy and Launchpad offers to fix it up for free with some parts from a buddy, which given the sentence “This won’t cost you anything” makes him erect, Scrooge agrees. Magica meanwhile, whose watching Minima while her mom is away which raises a LOT of questions we don’t have time for like who she is, is she’s poes wife or does Magica have other siblings... it’s a lot of questions we’re never going to get answers to.

The next day Webby got the dime easy as Scrooge was distracted. so Minima swaps them while she’s distracted. But while swiping it was easy, which to be fair Webby is likely approved in his security so it woudln’t match her.. or the story just needed to progress. You make the call.

Magica does the logical thing and goes and get sthe dime and the story ends there.. and i’m shitting you, she of course brags to scrooge, reveals minima as her spy, and offers to RACE him for it shortly after he realizes he has a fake.

The only major flaw in this story is Magica’s overconfdience, which isn’t BAD persay, but here has gotten to dumbass proportions. She just can’t plan for anything and a CHILD has a better plan than her that only dosen’t work for reasons we’ll get to. And that plan is almost ruined by Magica taunting scrooge!

So a race is on but Launchpad has transformed Scrooge’s old Model T into this

Damn that’s cool. Scrooge of course dosen’t like it, but honestly you get what you paid for. Oh that’s right you paid nothing for something you NEED to use every day for transportation.

At the rickity thickity bridge, Steve Buschemi’s worst roll and her minion ask Webby to roll with them and Minima mistakes this for betrayal planning to soak them all.. only for Webby to DEFEND HER, pointing out minma’s her friend, how she dresses is fine and she loves her no matter what.. the last part’s implied. The 30-year old asshole and her minon leave Webby and Minma is genuinely touched, as no one’s done that for her before. She put up so many walls... she didn’t realize someone could ACTUALLY care about her, so obessed with thinking she had to be like that soccer mom in preschoolers clothing, she just had to be herself: kinda werid but in that fun adams family way. Webby says she knows Minma would do the same.. so while she prepares to let’s get back to the race. Magica realizes Launchpad’s roadster is actually gaining and spreads some tacks, but Scrooge counters with some money.. because of course he has a lot of money in the trunk. But Magica takes out the bridge and while scrooge awesomely JUMPS IT... he’s still too late.

As you probably guess though, Minima had a change of heart, and gave Webby the real dime back, and Scrooge confirms it. Minima TRIES to tell Magica, and Magica is horrified her niece is a goody goody “I”ll never hear the end of it at my astral aerobics class”.. I.. I want to see that. Let’s raise those spirit ladies and kick kick that soul, doge that shadow king punch them in the soul. Yes! Now eat it eat it and absorb it’s power!

We end on a button joke as Webby apologizes for taking the dime., Scrooge accepts it and Webby tells them magica learned to carpet and they gulp for some reason.

Final Thoughts on Dime after Dime: This story was decent. It has problems, some jokes don’t land and Magica is made horribly incompetent, but minima’s character arc is endearing, and Webby herself is precious as always and her winning Minima over feels genuine. And Scrooge is in prime adoring uncle mode with her and i’ts just so cute. And the roadster race is pretty awesome to watch honestly. It’s an exceptional and enjoyable tie in story.. and not the last ducktales 87 story we’ll be covering here. Wink wonk.

Next Time: Things get DARK as Lena and Webby head into the depths of Scrooge’s hidden bin and Lena heads into the depths of her own soul.

Tommorow: Woo-Ooo mofos as we go back to the very beginning of the reboot! A family restored, a lost city to explore, and a glomgold rises! Be here or be square.

#ducktales #ducktales 1987 #webbigail vanderquack #lena saberwing #weblena #minima de spell #magica de spell #bentina beakly #launchpad mcquack #scrooge mcduck #dime after dime #spies like us #idw #comics #animation #shadow into light

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alienahellsparkle · 3 years

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❦ List fandoms of my heart: №3 (the last).

✯ Kuroshitsuji (Dark Butler)

This anime is my guide to the world of anime, my first of all, and the first that I liked. In addition, I have been watching it since I was 13 (omg, how old I am..).

I can say, from it I learned what anime is. It is one of my favorites and one of those that I can revisit (P.S .: And I'm still waiting for the new season or new full-length films, although no one said anything or promised anything about it).

The advantages of this anime are - interesting plots, 19th century setting mixed with the supernatural, soundtracks and a huge number of different characters for every taste. As I can tell, everyone will find their ideal 2D kun or chan here.

I could single out a lot of cool characters, but I'm afraid they could be spoilers too, so I'll just mention a few of my personal favorites.

Sebastian is a demon butler and another protagonist besides Ciel. A jack of all trades, a cool killer and one of the most real handsome men who stole many hearts from the female audience, who is in many similar tops and sometimes even has leading positions. I can say that he was my very first anime - love.

Prince Soma is an Indian prince. I don't know how many fans he has, but I think not as many as Sebastian and Ciel. Actually, Soma is the one who attracted me much more and my love for Sebastian did not last forever. This is because Soma, in addition to being beautiful and Indian (which was important to me as a lover of Bollywood films and music, and also interested in Indian culture), has a sweet and good personality. Three combos!

Madame Red is a bright woman with a difficult fate. I guess there isn't much more to say here (spoilers, spoilers, damn it).

Pluto is a devilish dog. Cutie, charming, with one cool ability and mine another anime-love (those who know this character and his unusual ability - yes - yes, I know it's weird to fall in love with characters like him).

As I said, the soundtracks are wonderful - some of the tunes have some classic notes in them, and also, the opening can be recognized from a thousand and it is easy to remember which anime it belongs to.

Also, there are elements of detective and crime, which also adds its own special shades and makes this anime even more interesting and aesthetically pleasing.

I look forward to continuing with it and begin to show interest in anime of a similar genre and setting in one (I found something similar, for example, as "House of Shadows").

✯ Dame x Prince

Another anime that became my find and I can watch it many times. I liked it so much that after I found it (in 2018 it was a spring novelty), I watched almost all the episodes in one gulp and only later realized that it ends too quickly, because I could not stop in time.

This anime contains everything that I love about the reverse - harems - beautiful drawing, bright colors, romance, elements of comedy and fantasy, attractive male characters and not a stupid main character who can be respected.

We can say that Ani is one of the few normal owners of a harem, but she can be considered a diamond among them. She is encouraged by her courage and the fact that she is not embarrassed when guys compliment her or try to flirt (I could say more about her, but these will be spoilers).

Despite the fact that here the male characters are clichéd, for example - a kind cutie, handsome womanizer, narcissistic rude and so on, they look cool and interesting to watch, it's a pity that we will never know which of them Ani chose in the end.

In addition, there is one more plus in the form of a good plot, after which it helps some characters to reveal themselves.

Even if many people do not always take girly harem animes well and consider them worthless and empty, just to please teenage girls with cute romance in a colorful wrapper, this anime genre also deserves a place to be. Who knows, maybe soon the reverse - harems will evolve even more, at least there are already some anime-worthy options. Everything has its fans..

In general, this is a good and positive anime that can bring more colors to life. And I still hope for season 2..

✯ Nanbaka

When you watch a video on the topic: "Guess the gender of anime characters", you will not think that in this way you will be able to discover a new anime. That's how I found out about Nanbaka, after which I watched the first season in a couple of days.

I associate this anime with the beginning of July 2018 and the dairy drinks Twix, Milky Way and Snickers, which at that time I was finally able to taste.

Nanbaka has several advantages - a cool variety of characters, an element of comedy, and an equally vibrant color scheme. Also, I noticed that all characters have their own special difference - they all have nails painted in a different color and have small fangs.

Despite the fact that there is no romance here and the plot is built around a prison theme, Nanbaka is quite interesting to watch, and in some episodes there are elements of drama and seriousness. However, if the first season is more comical situations, then the second season is a little more serious, at least there are more problems that the heroes solve.

Of the characters, there are not only bisonens and heroes with simple qualities including kindness, cuteness, foolishness, signs of a womanizer, hot temper and severity, but there are also unexpected specimens, such as several LGBTQ characters and even antagonists.

Unfortunately, Nanbaka is not a very popular fandom and most likely there will never be a third season... But this is another solid anime that can be endlessly watched and is one of those that drags on from the first episodes.

✯ Romance Club

This visual novel often came across to me in YouTube recommendations, in the form of walkthroughs and analysis of Easter eggs from it.

At first, I was not very interested in this, and from the video, my first impression was that this is just an incomprehensible game with characters similar to cardboard figures, but for some reason it became very popular and discussed on social networks.

After some time, I still began to watch the walkthroughs and more or less began to understand what the whole highlight of the game is, and after that, I began to play myself, though at the beginning, then, I had only a plan to while away the rest of summer time until autumn, but I didn’t notice how I began to be drawn into the RC and it became not just a game for one time, it became a habit that is difficult to get rid of.

Now, it's not just a bunch of pretty cardboard character figurines and a joke that RC is a mix of films like "50 Shades of Gray" and "Twilight", made for teenage girls.

Romance Club is - characters for every taste, from whites and Europeans, to Hispanics and Asians, both boys and girls. LGBTQ relationships have not been forgotten here either.

Various stories with any setting - vampires + werewolves, pirates, aliens, 19th-18th century, royal setting, movie stars and fame, Scandinavian mythology, ancient Greek mythology, sea and beach setting, detectives and crime, ancient Japan (geisha and samurai) , angels and demons, everyday life and much more, but the creators continue to delight us with new stories to this day, and I think we still have a lot to see.

Beautiful graphics and drawing of characters, cool design of clothes, and also, here you can learn how to beautifully compose texts and sentences (let's say this can be useful for the writing sphere), since some stories contain wonderful descriptions of some scenes and comparisons of concepts (example. "Stars as luminous points," and the like).

But besides romance, other important topics can be revealed here, such as the concept of friendship, a hard life due to many problems, courage and self-confidence, and sometimes even 18+ topics can be touched upon. In addition, some stories have instructive facts, for example, something about the history of Turkey during the Ottoman Empire.

Romance Club is scientifically enlightening!

Despite the fact that I refused to play games, since they take a lot of time, during which you can do a bunch of other useful things, RC is the only game (besides the Sims) on which I do not regret wasting my time and it is always interesting to watch new stories and how the old ones will end.

(P.S.:

here is part 1 https://lenahellsparkle.tumblr.com/post/650656683336548352/list-fandoms-of-my-heart-1

part 2 https://lenahellsparkle.tumblr.com/post/655103141583470593/list-fandoms-of-my-heart-2)

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watching-pictures-move · 2 years

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Movie Review | Deadly Weapons (Wishman, 1974)

When you cast as your star someone named Chesty Morgan, you bring certain expectations. And when you advertise your movie with her, ahem, measurements on the poster (with the tagline "Seeing is believing!", you bring more specific expectations. And when you call your movie Deadly Weapons, you bring another set of expectations. Doris Wishman did all of the above, and certainly delivered on those expectations. Wishman trains the camera almost pathologically on Morgan's assets, pushing them in the viewer's face at every opportunity. Wishman knows that this is the movie's primary selling point and doesn't waste time pretending otherwise, but it does mean that the movie has something of a coherent visual style thanks to her heavy reliance on close-ups. This isn't a particularly stylish movie, but there is a certain tactility to the images. I also had to chuckle during a scene when Morgan sheds a few tears and Wishman gives us a close-up of the teardrops on her breasts.

Morgan is no great actress, but thanks to her distinct physical attributes, it's hard to keep your eyes off her. To paraphrase a line from The Big Lebowski, she certainly holds the frame together. Somewhat peculiar is that Wishman serves up the goods with a certain amount of bluntness but makes no attempt to really capture Morgan's beauty, as her camera lacks the libidinous charge of, say, Russ Meyer. (Their follow-up, Double Agent 73, has at least one shot of Morgan twirling in a gown that suggests that you're supposed to find her attractive. That one is a better movie on the whole, as it has a level of narrative momentum missing in most of the Wishmans I've seen. There's also a scene where Morgan goes to the zoo to meet a contact and we get to look at a bunch of cute animals.) And one must make note of her outfits, which heroically attempt (and usually fail) to contain her namesake. Most of what she wears are frilly numbers that look loose enough to be comfortable, but in one scene she wears a t-shirt that looks like it might explode from the pressure.

The plot here has Morgan as an "advertising executive" who for some reason is dating a low level mafioso. After he's murdered by his mob associates, she decides to seek revenge by going undercover as a burlesque dancer and eventually kills the perpetrators in a pair of murder scenes, scored to thunder and angry guitar chords, that do justice to the title. While fetishistic in concept, Wishman doesn't film these scenes with any degree of eroticism, although I suppose they probably do a lot for somebody somewhere. (I assume that person would have this stashed in their collection between their Meyer and Fellini tapes.) Now, if you're wondering why she's able to find them so easily, it's because one of the hitmen is extremely sloppy and basically incriminate him and his partner by spouting a shitload of relevant details while she's listening on the phone. He's thorough enough in this respect that Morgan knows their names and his partner's weakness for burlesque joints. One wonders if the scene was cut before he read out their credit card numbers.

That hitman is played by Harry Reems as one of the worst criminals I've seen in a movie, not only incriminating himself in that initial scene, but also failing to recognize Morgan as she repeatedly conspicuously bumps into him. (After Let Me Die a Woman, this is the second Reems movie I've seen on the Criterion Channel. If they get one more, they can put together a "Starring Harry Reems" collection. Probably tack on some interviews too, with, I dunno, Jeffrey Hurst saying something like "Harry made it okay for guys like me to have a mustache in this business".) This isn't a knock on Reems' performance, as he effectively straddles the line between affability and cruelty, and in fact might be part of an overarching worldview in Wishman's films, of women being done in by flawed, inferior men. (I'm still relatively early in my exploration, but it seems to be a recurring theme, so I'm interested to see how it holds up as I see more of her work. Oddly enough, this theme also came up non-diegetically in my viewing of The Mystery of Oberwald, as the great Monica Vitti attempted in vain to overcome her charisma-devoid male co-star as well as the completely misguided direction she was saddled with.) Now, this is a good deal less explicit than most of Reems' filmography, which means we don't see Reems' (second) most famous body part (after his mustache). What this also means is that we don't see said body part face off with Morgan's assets, like some kind of anatomical kaiju grudge match. Is the movie better off as a result? Who's to say?

#film #movie review #deadly weapons #doris wishman

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hecallsmehischild · 3 years

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Recent Media Consumed

Books

The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien. About ten or fifteen years ago, I tried to read this and was totally overwhelmed by it. I kept it around, hoping maybe someday I might be able to read it. I finally have, and here are my impressions: WHY SO MANY NAMES. WHY YOU HAVE TO NAME EVERYBODY, AND EVERY TRIBE OF PEOPLES, AND EVERY INANIMATE OBJECT, AND EVERY LANDSCAPE FEATURE. WHY. *ahem* So. I have a general comprehension of the events of The Silmarillion, but I dealt with it by doing what you do for an impressionist painting. I (mentally) stepped way back and let all the names flow by me, and if there were names that were repeated a lot, then I mentally attached appropriate plot points and character details to those names so I could track with who they were and what they were doing. And, actually, I found myself able to hang on and enjoy the book for the most part. This is going to lead into a re-reading of the Lord of the Rings books, since I haven’t read those in about as long…

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I haven’t read some of these books since pre-teen years, with one required re-read of The Two Towers in high school (i.e. it’s been many an age since I’ve read these and my memory of the stories has been far more heavily influenced by the movies). In re-reading the first book, I was struck by the extreme tone shift for the Elves and Dwarves. Elves seem much closer to happy, mischievous fairies than these ethereal, solemn pillars of elegance and grace the movies show them to be. And Dwarves are far more bumbling and craftsmanlike than the movies show. Aside from that, The Hobbit was a pretty solid adaptation from the book, and the book also reminded me that this story was the first time I experienced “NO, MAIN CHARACTERS DON’T DIE, HOW DARE YOU,” and probably was the first book to make me cry. I must have been 8 or 10 years old. I FORGOT HOW MUCH THIS STORY INFLUENCED ME.

A Conflict of Visions by Thomas Sowell. I have a longer-than-usual list of things to say about this book. First is that it was just that level of difficult that I was struggling to understand while reading it (on Audible), but I think I got it. Sowell has several base concepts that I see repeated throughout his books, though he does like to dedicate whole books to specific aspects of the same topic. He is pretty damn thorough that way. So, for example, I would put this book in the middle of a three-book spectrum of similar concepts: Intellectuals and Society (most concrete and easiest to read), A Conflict of Visions (next-level abstraction, a little difficult to read), Knowledge and Decisions (root abstract concept, very difficult, I have not been able to get past chapter 2). The second thing I have to say is about a couple interesting concepts it proposes. Its whole point is to help readers understand the roots of two ways of seeing the world that come into severe conflict politically, and he calls them by their root titles: the constrained and the unconstrained visions. He traces the path of each back through the intellectuals that most spoke of them (tending to contrast Adam Smith with William Godwin and Condorcet). Though he leans heavily toward the constrained vision (based on reading his other works) he does his best to make this book an academic study of both, with both of the visions' strengths and flaws and reasoning and internal consistencies fairly laid out. In doing so, he helped me understand a few things that make this situation really difficult for people on opposing sides to communicate. One of them is that root words and concepts literally mean different things to different people. I had some vague notion of this before, but he laid out three examples in detail: Equality, Power, and Justice. It was kind of astounding to see just how differently these three words can be defined. It makes me think that arguing about any specific issues rooted in these concepts is fruitless until first an understanding has been reached on terms, because otherwise two parties are endlessly talking past each other. Another really interesting idea he brought up is the existence of “hybrid visions” and he named both Marxism and Fascism as hybrid visions. This was especially fascinating to me because I have seen the accusation of “Nazi” flung around ad nauseam and I wondered how it was that both sides were able to fling it at each other so readily. Well, it’s because Fascism is actually a hybrid vision, so both sides have a grain of truth but miss the whole on that particular point. In any case, this was a little difficult to read but had some fascinating information. For people who are wondering what on earth this gap is between political visions, how on earth to bridge the gap, or why the gap even exists in the first place, this is a really informative piece.

Movies

The Hobbit & Fellowship trilogies (movies). I mean, it’s definitely not my first watch, not even my second. But I went through it with Sergey this time and that means the run-time is double because we pause to talk and discuss details. This watch came about partly due to Sergey’s contention that Gandalf’s reputation far outstrips his actual powers, so we ended up noting down every instance of Gandalf’s power to see if that was true. Conclusion: Gandalf is actually a decently powerful wizard, but tends to use the truly kickass powers in less-than-dire circumstances. That aside, this movie series was always a favorite for me. I rated The Hobbit trilogy lower the first time I saw it but, frankly, all together the six movies are fantastic and a great way to sink deep into lore-heavy fantasy for a while. And I’m catching way more easter-egg type details after having read the Silmarillion so it’s even more enjoyable. (finally, after about a week of binge-watching) I forgot how much this story impacted me. I forgot how wrenchingly bittersweet the ending is. I forgot how much of a mark that reading and watching this story left on my writing.

Upside-Down Magic. Effects were good. Actors were clearly having fun and enjoying everything. Story didn’t make enough sense for my taste, but it was a decent way to kill flight time.

Wish Dragon. So, yes, it’s basically an Aladdin rewrite, but it’s genuinely a cheesy good fluff fest that made me grin a whole lot.

Plays

Esther (Sight and Sound Theatres). < background info > This is my third time to this theatre. There are only two of these in existence and they only run productions of stories out of the Bible. The first time I went I saw a production of Noah, the second time I saw a production of Jesus. My middle sister has moved all the way out to Lancaster, PA in hopes of working at this theatre. My husband and I came out to visit her. < /background info > So. Esther. They really pulled out all the stops on the costumes and set. I mean, REALLY pulled out all the stops. And the three-quarters wrap-around stage is used to great effect. I tend to have a general problem of not understanding all the words in the songs, but I understood enough. I highly recommend sitting close to the front for immersive experiences. This theatre puts on incredible productions and if you ever, ever, EVER have the opportunity to go, take it. Even if you think it's nothing but a bunch of fairy tales, STILL GO. I doubt you'll ever see a fairy tale produced on another stage with equal dedication to immersion.

Shows

The Mandalorian (first two seasons). Well. This was pretty thoroughly enjoyable. It felt very Star-Wars, and I’d kind of given up after recent movies. Felt like it slipped into some preaching toward the end? Not sure, I could be overly sensitive about it, but I enjoyed this a lot (though I did need to turn to my housemate and ask where the flip in the timeline we were because I did NOT realize that the little green kid IS NOT ACTUALLY Yoda).

Games

Portal & Portal 2. Portal is probably the first video game I ever tried to play, back when I had no idea what I was doing. Back then, I attempted to play it on my not-for-gaming Mac laptop. Using my trackpad. Once the jumping-for-extra-velocity mechanic came into play, I just about lost my mind trying to do this with a trackpad and gave up. Later I returned to the game and played it with my then-boyfriend on a proper gaming computer. Now, after having played several games and gotten better at "reading the language" of video games, I decided I wanted to see if I could beat the Portal games by myself. Guess what. I BEAT 'EM. Yes, I remembered most of the puzzles in Portal so that's a little bit of a cheat, but I'd say a good 2/3 of Portal 2 was new puzzles to me. It is crazy how proud I feel of myself that I could beat Portal 2, especially. Learning how to play video games at this age has really knocked down the lie, "You can't learn anything." Though I still suck at platformers and games that require precision. Since I find those types frustrating, I probably won't be playing many. Games are about enjoyment, so I'll push myself a little, but not to the point where I can't stand what I'm playing.

The Observer. I like the concept and the art but I don't think I could keep trying to play this game. It's really depressing. My in-game family members all died of illness or accident or committed suicide. I also kept getting executed by the state. In order to keep us all alive I'd have to do pretty terrible things that I have a hard enough time contemplating even in a fictional setting.

Baba Is You. Fun and interesting concept, but I got stuck pretty early on. Don't think I want to push as hard on this one.

#recent media consumed #n00b gamer child #child loves books #child loves movies #child loves shows

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sugar-petals · 4 years

Text

BTS Tarot Reading ➝ What Kind Of Porn Do They Watch? (18+)

↳ NOTE - due to several requests, a steamy and detailed one. ☕️ we’re asking the cards about the erotica they fancy in a wider sense.

warning ⚠️ 18+ // bdsm mentions, worship, kinks left and right. we’re going graphic in all types o’ ways, lads.

♡ DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

SPREAD #1:

yoongi

⌈ THE WORLD ⇁ Jesus... Someone’s obsessed with girls in the nude. That card has a stark naked woman wrapped in very little satin on it so you know what our funky little guy is up to. Luscious aesthetic fotos might be just around his corner. Big duh, he’s a photography major. These folks are all about body appreciation. He’s also on a personal vendetta against lingerie 😂 Yoongi won’t get hard looking at even the most HD panty and bra ads. Only the skin in its full splendor will do, no editing. He loves pictures of nipples peaking through shirt fabric, it’s all over his phone. Yoongi likes his gals without underwear 24/7 just like he dislikes underwear himself. If we’re talking porn, the woman on the card is holding two very long rods so may I connect the dots: Threesomes, handjobs, blowbangs, spitroasting. Friction, friction, and more friction. To Yoongi’s brain, handjobs are a great um new version of holding hands. Sex standing up also, keeping it vertical. Yoongi doesn’t care about girth, inches count. Nice and elongated with a perfect plunge, something to hold onto. Yep, he’s pretty deliberate when searching that up. Yes, he loves the look of it. However, and you’ll be surprised: Even if he likes poly porn, it’s still nothing too extreme. This card is more about pleasure than pain. If a guy likes rough and degrading sex, you get swords and wands in his spread. THE WORLD is more about perfected skills and success. So, he likes the more accomplished porn stars. With a preference for curly blondes and redheads, that’s sort of the hair color on the card. Natural B or C cup. Medium height, not too curvy. Oversized booty not needed. In terms of nationality: We have three representative animals on the card. Eagle, lion and bull, plus a light blonde man’s head. So, anything that America/Germany/Albania/Mexico/Namibia (and so on, lot of countries with eagles as their national bird my dude), England, Spain and Scandinavia have to offer. Honey sugar is going international, baby.

hoseok

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ Did I just mention that guys who like rough sex in porn get wand cards in their readings in Yoongi’s segment? Well, there we have our candidate, with a very obvious card since it’s a court figure. Now, the thing is, this is not the guy being rough. The QUEEN OF WANDS is as notoriously femdom as can be. The very fiery and raw and fun version. So, with a degree of lightheartedness, but still being very fit — even buff — and hands-on with the sub. If you get the QUEEN OF SWORDS, that’s the more cool and calculated domme who signs you up for torture and humiliation, and she really looks like a domme. She’s all over the internet because she has the grit. Now wands combined with a tarot queen... it’s more about the stamina and she is approachable. Hobi does not like watching cruel girls, he likes challenging ones. Upbeat porn stars who can take a lot but most importantly dole it out assertively like pros are Hobi’s schtick. He’s unapologetic about that. With him it’s like, please not the local newcomers that turned legal a month ago. The queen cards are all about mature women. Mommy kink, hint hint. The kind of mommy who’s gonna whip out the spreader bar or cane (= wands again) and give a playful type of punishment. See how desert-like that imagery is, Hobi wants to sweat big time when he gets off to this. Now since wands also make for a damn good pole to dance on, go figure. This whole card has me wondering if, well alright, he is a Cardi B hard stan 😅 If Hobi blasts Money to get in the mood, I’d not be surprised. Anyway. Back to pole stuff: If you go through his youtube search history, you will find astounding things. I think he watches the more professional and athletic performers in competition though. High production value is key. Finally, an interesting card detail: There’s a sunflower on it. This is definitely his kind of tarot imagery.

jimin

⌈ KING OF COINS ⇁ This card always looks like a scene from a medieval movie so you might have an erotic film enthusiast here. The more chaste type of genre, pentacles are very grounded and not hypersexualized. The intimacy is slow and more about security and pleasure. It’s graphic and detailed, but gives you a sense of relaxation. With a bit of romance in the plot, that might absolutely be Jimin’s thing. Castles and wine and nobility. Interesting type of erotica. Historical and classy. As expected of a prince, mind you. He might enjoy books of that genre also. And we know Jimin is an avid reader, right up there with Namjoon. Now, even with more risque and contemporary stuff that he googles up, we have similar dynamics going down on screen. With Hobi we had femdom because it’s a queen card, now with Jimin we get the classic male dom type of porn because that’s how the King usually rolls, unless it’s the KING OF CUPS who’s touchy-feely and subby. Meanwhile, the KING OF COINS is your local sugar daddy. Leaning towards being a soft dom, he’s not aggressive. And Jimin surely has a little crush on that concept. Ye know, if all the other members have female cards and Jimin gets the sugar daddy, we might be dealing with mxm action. Because if this card was a porn star, he’d be a really, really rich producer and a bear who’s done this since the frickin’ 90s. He’s treating his subs very gently and lets them sit on their lap, the imagery is sort of like that because the King is balancing a pentacle on his left thigh. Sex and comfort all in one are life for Jimin. A sexy detail I only noticed at a second glance, the King also has a shortened golden staff with him, which has a rounded tip. If that’s not a butt plug… whenever I see props like that in tarot, I interpret it as a sex toy. So, good vibes in here. And a bunch of aphrodisiacs, the KING OF COINS is a foodie. Which you know, might just be a food porn type of reference. Jimin’s taste in sexy things is quite something else.

jungkook

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ If there’s one thing I like, it’s the Tarot giving me the important archetypes during readings of that kind. The Queens, the Kings, the Major arcana (see Yoongi’s and Jin’s segment). You can really draw a lot of hints out of it. Now with the EMPRESS you have a similar case to Hobi’s, just a lot more softcore. Jungkook has a refined and pretty vast taste in erotica, if not the most refined in Bangtan next to Jimin who likes that kind of dignified touch to it as well as we saw. Jungkook knows his stuff when it comes to searching things up, he is a first class netizen in that regard. In terms of genre: The EMPRESS is your highkey feminist and wholesomeness legend, so — you won’t find any super creepy things in some hidden file on his PC, and things by female producers instead. No slut-shaming or name-calling here, everyone gets their pleasure in their own right. Thanks to online sex ed, Jungkook has a map to the clit and he’s not afraid to use it. He’s the type to watch solo videos ad nauseam. He’s fascinated. Masturbation until it gets all messy with the juices flowing, and you bet he wants to see the girls buzzing themselves off lying on their back. Maybe even outdoors in a field. Cum play is a must, cunnilingus is a must, he loves unprotected sex and creampies, he loves breast massages. And yes. Anything that involves sex with pregnant and chubby women. Similar to Taehyung, it’s all about the focus on the girl, he doesn’t bother much with the guy performers. And given Yoongi’s reading on top of that, we have three members in BTS who are all about worshipping the female body right here, breasts over ass, and he likes blondes, too. The EMPRESS card is like… the entire porn industry who does the MILF and BBW genre is financed by Jeon Jungkook’s website subscriptions. Cue GOT7, with Jungkook it’s girls, girls, girls. The thirst is going strong, and he’s unashamed times ten, sex is sex.

➝ we also have members who don’t really bother with erotica or have a complicated relationship with it.

SPREAD #2

taehyung

⌈ ACE OF WANDS reversed ⇁ He’s not about beating off until the world ends. Taehyung gets bored by porn or heated literature and doesn’t feel very motivated to search it up. He would rather come up with his own ideas to write but doesn’t have the energy. Sex drive: On hold, even if he tries to look something up it doesn’t feel very fulfilling to him. Most of it fails to turn him on, it’s not his kind of taste. He gets frustrated when he masturbates and would rather rest, dream, and doze. The only thing I can see him watch somewhat frequently — hold your horses — is lesbian porn. I’ll explain. The ACE OF WANDS is pretty much your most glaring handjob symbolism card. A hand gripping a stick. Yoongi’s THE WORLD card has very similar imagery, I mean even two wands and a girl, bisexual explosion much. He would be a big fan of the upright ACE OF WANDS card lmao! But the reversal is like, um no silly guys jerking off in here, pls. Keep your cum to yourself. That means: Zero dicks in Taehyung’s zone, girl-on-girl stuff is his very last resort for quality that he is desperate for but cannot find. And not the stuff where the producers just replace the guys with heavy arsenal sex toys, double-ended dildos, fucking machines, endless strap-on action without any clit stimulation on either side and whatnot. Taehyung is like ugh, cherie, why, give me the juicy stuff, give me the basics. What he wants is just pure scissoring, fingering, oral, little gentle bites, a lot of caresses and kisses. And slow, slow sex. Probably the amateur kind. He hates how brutal and exaggerated most things online are. Tae is looking for softness, a lot of lesbian action is what delivers in that regard so he takes all he gets. And it goes further than that, Taehyung knows the finest yuri recommendations, I’m telling you.

seokjin

⌈ THE STAR reverse ⇁ The opposite of Yoongi: not keeping it very naked in here. The upright card shows a nude woman pouring water from two cups. Hence a strong connection to the card of sexuality, TWO OF CUPS. Everything is very gentle and positive in that scenery. But then, the reversed card rather shows us that Jin doesn’t feel too thrilled watching other people film or write or photograph sex. Like in Tae’s case, he becomes bored, it’s all the same to him. Nothing’s ever new to him in porn. He feels negative and guilty rather than refreshed or entertained. He also doesn’t like a lot of kinks that very literally connect to, well, the pouring water. Squirting, cum play, watersports, sex in the pool or showers, lube overuse, creampies, bukkake, fake cum — Jin is rolling his eyes at that, he thinks it’s a circus. He’s surely given it a try, but ended up feeling worse and even more pent-up or dissatisfied. At best, you will find him on unknown websites looking for the most amateur videos there are. Because: THE STAR quite unequivocally hints at porn stars. If you reverse the card, it becomes someone not very well-known. He roots for the underdog. Accordingly, Jin’s reaction to mainstream videos goes this way: ‚Pipe down, you non-artists!’ 😆 Cause maybe, he does do it better aye, without the awkward angles anyway. He doesn’t want the body cult, like, put that airbrush and silicone out of my face bro. Not because he’s against surgery, but the idea behind sexual extremes and the shady high standards. It’s too polished for him to get turned on. And robotic/staged. Likely because he’s had an IRL sexual experience (gasp!) that set a different ideal to him, so the more glossy porn feels off. Home video has all he needs instead. I think it’s especially because you get so see more body hair there. The woman on the THE STAR card is all sleek, so the reversed card is the opposite, Jin wants that unshaved goodness.

namjoon

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ Now you’d think — and I thought, kinda — we’d get the master of erotica right here. And he’s had one hell of a reputation for that. Think of the ever-infamous Yaman TV interview where BTS were super upfront and revealing about their taste and what they watch privately. With especially Namjoon having the lion’s share. But this card says otherwise if his current state is concerned. The EIGHT OF CUPS shows a man wandering off into the night, leaving eight cups behind him. I think what that means is, he’s moved on. Namjoon’s cravings aren’t as strong as they used to be, nor does he have the time. He knows it won’t fix his loneliness or answer the questions of life. He might be on the search for different things to fulfill him, or ignore much of his hormones in favor for his career. Not that he didn’t dabble in it, he sure did, but that chapter is slowly closing and what’s next he doesn’t really know yet. He thinks about family and being a father, so the smaller and more risque pleasures become less significant. Desire, too. Ye olde soul syndrome is kicking in. The card is also centered around introspection, a quest for self, all these higher topics that aren’t the most grounded and don’t leave much space for being horny. Joon is simply to preoccupied and on the move. He sees porn as a distraction from his real self at this point, and he’s not the type to feel satiated after masturbating to something, similar to Jin and Taehyung. Instead, I think he carries that energy elsewhere, hence the wanderer going from A to B onto a mountain. In short, Namjoon naturally grew out of it by becoming more, well: Namjoon. He’s left a lot behind, he’s choosing self-development over temporary fun, and he will ponder a lot on the topic, the hows and whys and whats more often than not. So, he’s passed the baton to Yoongi and Jungkook if you will, and keeps a low profile as of now.

tarot mlist | ko-fi

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for anon:

#bts tarot #bts #bangtan #bts smut #bts tarot reading #tarot #long post

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