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guessimwritingficsagain · 3 years

Text

Delightful, chapter One (Javier Pena x reader)

Paring : Javier Peña x reader

Warnings : none

Author's note : I wanted to write an 'ennemies to lovers' with Frankie but he's so soft that didn't work so here we are.

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It’s not that you hated Javier Peña (Jesus, you wondered how many women thought that very same sentence everyday).

You had met him one busy night during your first week on the job. He’d been polite, had even introduced himself and explained :

‘I’m a regular, might as well know me by name.’

He’d even asked for yours. But the moment your co-worker Carla had stepped behind the counter he had completely switched and had reduced her to a giggling mess in two minutes flat. She’d been putting a brave fight, though, she’d explained to you later. He’d been hitting on her for weeks but she’d resisted, afraid it would be a one night thing.

She had been wrong about that, because when she had finally given in, it had become a regular thing.

She had been wrong about that but had never stopped to ask herself if he’d wanted more than sex. When she’d asked him, though, she hadn’t liked the answer, not one bit. Except he hadn’t stopped coming in, even bringing some friends with him, some blonde dude who looked really American and a woman - his wife, probably.

Try moving on when the guy you wanted to get serious with keeps showing you at your workplace.

So, Carla, yeah, she’d lost ten pounds, taken the day shift, and taken to call you at three in the morning to cry (you guessed she didn’t have that many friends because you certainly weren’t friends with her but she called you anyway).

Which left you to work with Diego, and you couldn’t stand Diego.

So, maybe, you hated Javier Peña a tiny bit.

And there he was, sitting on a barstool, nursing his second whiskey. The place was mostly empty, so you couldn’t avoid noticing how he kept frowning at the liquid like there was something wrong with it. You didn’t ask, though. You always kept your interactions polite and to the point.

After a while, you felt yourself distracted by the music, your actions more a force of habit, automatisms without any real thoughts behind them. You were brought back to the present, though, when Peña asked Diego how Carla was. And Diego being Diego, answered, loud enough for you to wince :

‘Ah. Fucking awful, if you ask me. Got fucked up by some dude. Poor girl looks like shit, now. Shame because she’s fine and I’d fix her broken heart, if you know what I mean.’

Peña had the decency to look a bit remorseful but Diego, oh, Diego kept going :

‘I offered, once, but she looked down on me. Now, though ? I bet she regrets…’

You slapped him with a tablecloth and got real close into his personal space.

‘I swear if you finish that sentence I’m gonna make sure whatever’s down there can never get up again. You’re a pig, Diego. You talk that big talk but you probably can do shit in bed so stop. I don’t need to hear it.’

‘Cállate, gringa. That stick up your ass must be a real pain.’

And Peña, brave, nice, chivalrous Peña, had to speak up, of course :

‘The lady has a point. Carla was nice. Shit, she is nice. I wanted to check on her, I don’t need to hear you gloat because she wouldn’t let you get some. Use your fucking right hand if you need to, but I don’t need to hear that shit.’

Diego’s face lost all previous friendliness when he turned back to Peña.

‘Whatever, man. But you know, stepping in for the lady won’t get you to score with her.’

He stopped himself there, but you could tell that whatever was on the tip of his tongue would have been really unpleasant to hear. Diego left the counter and went to do whatever. You didn’t care.

You should have stepped away and gone back to whatever it was you were doing before but Peña was looking at you and you had to deal with stuff like that on a daily basis because Diego only ever talked about women and fucking them good and you had enough. So instead of choosing the smart option, you leaned in, hands on the counter, shoulders square, and explained :

‘I can handle myself. I don’t need you to do that, especially considering you’re the one that fucked Carla all up.’

‘Listen, I’m sorry about that…’

‘I’m not the one you should be saying that to.’

‘I don’t need to talk to her. There’s nothing to say. It was a misunderstanding.’

He looked frustrated now. And if he were somebody else - anybody else besides Diego - you’d stop giving him crap, because you got it. Sometimes, people get into things, get into sex and don’t stop thinking about the other’s expectations. The fact that Peña never took her to a fucking restaurant or shit should have been a warning in itself but he could have made himself clear from the very beginning. Could have said it was all about making his dick wet.

But he didn’t, and now you were stuck with Diego and annoying phone calls in the middle of the night. And you felt bad feeling that way about Carla, but you clearly hadn’t had time to really connect and you weren’t a free shrink.

‘If you got nothing to say to her, then don’t come around asking about her.’ You spat.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, a tiny little voice mentioned that you were being a tiny bit unfair but it was a fleeting thought that you shoved right back where it belonged : in your trashcan of denial.

Peña downed his drink, then, and got up, slapping money on the counter and said, all sarcasm but, you found, no real bite behind it :

‘Thanks for a delightful evening, my lady.’

You watched him walk away. Yeah, it wasn’t that you hated him.

———

You could see the appeal, you admitted to yourself one evening when Peña was there, sitting down with Connie and her husband and another woman.

You hadn’t gotten the other man’s name but Connie had come to you, one night, more than slightly buzzed and had chatted your ear off as you were making the drinks. You’d found her endearing so you’d asked for her name.

There was no doubt that woman was getting into Peña’s bed and you hoped she wouldn’t end up like Carla, calling someone at three in the morning to sob about him. You hoped he’d taken his lesson and was straight with the women he had encounters with.

You could see the appeal, the moustache and the too-tight jeans, and the way he slightly touched her shoulder, the way he gave her all of his attention, the way he laughed, eyes crinkled and that fucking dimple.

It was a slow night, okay ? It was a slow night and you were bored.

‘Take a picture, it’ll last longer.’

You turned to see Emil smiling at you, and you playfully swatted his arm. He was a new addition to the team - and a welcome one, at that. Turned out that Diego had gotten into the habit of fucking women in the restroom and you had the privilege to catch him, once. What would have been a traumatizing experience became much more because your boss hadn’t caught the fact that you were going to the restroom and was following you to tell you something. So you’d seen Diego into action (and that was never going in the trashcan of denial, no matter how hard you tried to shove it in there), but your boss, Ricardo, had seen too.

So, no more Diego.

You were delighted.

Even more so when Ricardo had asked you to be part of the recruiting process. You had been surprised, at first, but he’d said :

‘I have three daughters, and I have two women who work for me, I don’t need men like Diego around.’

Very progressive, all in all. But you were glad.

Back to the moment, away from the image of Diego slamming into a woman (she had been faking, you knew, and telling him that right before he left had been awesome), you quipped back :

‘I don’t even like him, trust me, I’m just bored.’

And that was only partially false. You were bored, but not liking Peña was more of a force of habit than a real thing, now. Carla had found out she was pregnant - not his - so she had quit and, well, let’s just say you didn’t get angsty phone calls in the middle of the night anymore.

Peña walked right to the counter, then, and Emil, with what you’d just said, went to get the order but Peña was looking right at you and talking to you so you went with it. As you were handing the beers, you couldn’t help but ask :

‘She knows you’re gonna fuck her into oblivion but nothing more, right ?’

His eyebrows shot up, and the smirk on his face told you you’d just said the wrong thing.

‘That confident in my abilities, heh ?’

You shook your head and deflected :

‘You know why I said that.’

He put the booze down, at that, and actually sat at the counter.

‘How’s the baby ?’

You jumped in surprise, at that, because you didn’t know he knew and you’d never thought he would care. He picked up on that, too, because he scoffed :

‘Come on, I know you think I’m an asshole but Carla was good. She was nice. I keep tabs, that’s my job.’

‘Your job ?’ You couldn’t help but ask.

He played with one of the beers, then, thumb brushing one of the bottles up and down. You looked away, not liking one bit what was happening in your belly.

‘That’s a story for another time. When you like me, or at least tolerate me. I’ll get you there.’

He got up and walked away and you remembered

You hated Javier Peña.

It didn’t sound quite genuine anymore, and you were fooling no one, given the look Emil shot your way after that, but you held onto that anyway.

———

Your parents had never approved of you moving to Colombia because your Spanish is good, sweetheart, you don’t need to do that, you don’t need to make it perfect but you needed out so you’d gone anyway.

Now, though, sitting in a room in the DEA quarters, shaking, you weren’t so sure about your life choices.

You’d been getting home when you’d seen, turning a corner, a man pointing a gun at another, on his knees. You’d backed off immediately, you stupid brain not smart enough to get you to run away. You hadn’t seen anything, but you’d heard. And that had gotten you to the DEA.

You’d been stupid, really, because you’d heard the gunshot, you’d heard a car driving away but instead of taking a detour or something, you’d looked. And the man lying there with his brain all over the pavement was not going in the trashcan of denial anytime soon.

So, you were shaking, and the door opened and you flinched and then you saw

Javier fucking Peña

‘I guess that answers that question about your job, then.’ You joked, but he didn’t bite.

He kneeled right in front of you instead, hands everywhere, and that was comforting, but the flow of questions was a bit overwhelming too.

Did they see you ? Is there a chance they saw you ? Are you hurt ? Want some water ? Murphy, give me some fucking water right now !

You tried telling him you were fine (you weren’t) but he kept fussing.

They brought you some water, you answered some questions, and at the end, the very end, when it was just Peña and you, he spat :

‘I can’t believe you go home every night on foot. Don’t do that. Stop. I swear if I have to come get you every night …’

‘I’ll be fine. It’s fine. I’ll get someone.’

You were lying : you lived stupidly close to the bar, so it didn’t make sense to drive there. And even with what had happened, it still didn’t make sense to do it. So you lied.

Then you got a few days off, doctor’s orders, and when you came back to work, that first night, as you were ready to head back home on foot as always, Javier Peña was waiting outside the bar. Before you could say anything, before you could find a way out, he declared :

‘Get in the car. I’m taking you home.’

Chapter two

#Javier Pena #Javier Peña x reader #Javier Pena x you #narcos #delightful

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mammons-sugarbaby · 4 years

Note

Can you please write hc about the bois reading mc's diary where they might state somethings (why do they like the bois , their dreams with them , or the nice gestures they do to them)

Sorry this took so long!

Okay so here’s the platonic version of the bros reading MC’s diary, there will be a romantic, and dirty version as well. Including the undateables (Luke’s obv is platonic only).

I’m putting most of it under a read more bc it’s a lot.

Lucifer ⦁ He'd started giving MC piano lessons after their RAD classes, they'd requested it and he wasn't going to pass up a chance to show off his talents. ⦁ After MC leaves he notices they forgot their things, namely a few schoolbooks and notebooks ⦁ He also notices when he gathers them up that one notebook seems different than the others and opens it to see what it is ⦁ It's a daily journal of their time in the devildom ⦁ He flips through a few more pages and lands on a page that, to his surprise, is about him ⦁ He goes to the beginning and sees where it becomes less about general happenings and more about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Lucifer seems more stressed lately....he played the piano for me once and he seemed really happy then. Maybe I can ask him to teach me to play, but he might see it as another thing on his already full plate. But it would be nice for him to have a break from the usual headaches."

⦁ "I asked him and he agreed! He seemed surprised but also has a small smile! I hope I'm not putting too much on him. "

⦁ "He's been teaching me for a few days now and he always seems much more relaxed and happier during our lessons. I'm happy I found something to get his mind off his stress, he works too much. He's nice deep down, but he has a lot going on that makes him irritated. Still, I'm glad he's my friend."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Lucifer is touched that MC was worried about him

⦁ And also surprised that they noticed his mood while playing the piano, and his reaction to them requesting he teach them to play, he hadn't realized they were so observant.

⦁ When he thought about it, he realized he had been enjoying their lessons, looking forward to them even. MC wasn't a bad student, they actually picked up the basics quickly.

⦁ He wouldn't tell them he'd read their diary, but he couldn't help but smile he entire time when they joined him for their next lesson

Mammon ⦁ He was looking through MC's stuff to sell for quick grim ⦁ Finds an intricate looking book, it's looks expensive ⦁ He opens it and notices its a scrapbook ⦁ He soon realizes that there a lot of cut outs and pictures of him ⦁ And there are full pages of writing ⦁ Of course he's going to read about what they have to say about him, The Great Mammon!

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Mammon got another multi page spread! He's so cool."

⦁ "Mammon offered me some of the clothes he'd gotten from a recent shoot because his closet was full, they were super expensive brand names! I'm still in shock, I would have thought he'd sell them. They'd probably go for a good bit of grim since they were what he'd wore in the shoot, I mean he's one of the most in-demand models! But he gave them to me instead, I feel silly for being starstruck."

⦁ "I want to buy something to repay him, but he has everything.... If he wants something, he just buys it, so it's hard to get what he'd want that he doesn't already have...Maybe I could make something?"

⦁ "Went shopping today with him and bought the stuff to make his gift, he didn't even notice! I bought him a few things he asked for, I hope he likes my real present..."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He's SHOCKED. Yeah he always boasted about being the greatest, but he hadn't realized MC was an actual fan of his??

⦁ It seems like they had collected pictures from every shoot he'd ever had, and that was saying something.

⦁ He didn't even consider selling the clothes he'd gotten from the shoot that day, he just saw MC admiring them and rather than try to find room for them, he just let MC have them. He hadn't even thought anything of it, but it made him happy that he'd brought so much joy to MC.

⦁ He wondered what they were making him and tried to think back on their shopping trip, but he'd been too focused on the things he liked, rather than what MC was buying.

⦁ Guilt hit him like a train, he may not have stolen anything, but he's going to buy MC something real nice to make up for trying.

Levi ⦁ He'd gone into MC's room to retrieve some games and manga he'd lent them ⦁ He saw a pile of books near a neat stack of games and assumed they'd left it on their desk for him. ⦁ It wasn't until he got back to his room and was organizing them that he realized he grabbed a book that wasn't his. ⦁ He opened it then quickly shut it after realizing it was their diary. ⦁ He argued with himself to read or not to read, but he saw his name! ⦁ Deciding, he opened the diary again, he just had to know what they were writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "I hung out with Levi today and watched him absolutely obliterate a raid! It seems like he's super high leveled on like, ever game he plays! He even gets me into some of them and helps me level up and get rare items."

⦁ "I don't know if he's joking or not when he calls me his best friend but I feel the same. He's my best friend. Though sometimes I worry he'll get bored of me since I'm not nearly as into gaming as he is. And I worry that some of the games and stuff I like he'd probably say the were such "normie" or "main stream" things...it doesn't mean they're not fun. I try to stick with games he likes to play, because I don't want to lose my best friend. Is that something I should actually worry over?"

⦁ "We were watching a new anime today and one of the characters said something that set him off. He paused it and went on an hour long rant about how out of character it was for them. It may be weird, but I love listening to him going off about things he's passionate about! It's both entertaining, and I get to hear his thought process, usually I end up learning a few things that I had missed while watching. It seems like he never misses anything! I know he'd never in a million years believe me, but I think he's actually really cool and fun to be around."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ His heart is ready to explode, he really did think of MC as his best friend, but he was worried they just went along with it to make him happy. Reading that they thought the same thing, it was scary how alike they were!

⦁ When he got them into a game that he had been playing for a while, he wants them to be able to run raids with him as fast as possible, but he also likes MC's excitement when they complete a particularly difficult quest, because he felt the same way.

⦁ He feels guilty reading that MC thinks he'll get bored of them just because they like games he typically would scoff at, they're right, just because they're mainstream doesn't mean they aren't fun. They became mainstream BECAUSE they were fun. He makes a mental note to find out MC's favorite game. Their actual favorites.

⦁ He blushed because he did have a habit of going off on tangents in the middle of an episode and then not finishing it for the rest of the night. But reading that MC enjoyed his rants, this human really was his best friend, his Henry!

Satan ⦁ MC returned some books he'd lent them ⦁ While putting them away, Satan realized they'd accidentally given him one of their books ⦁ They'd already left though, he opened it to see what the book was about ⦁ It was a thick journal and he realized it was specifically a diary ⦁ And the page he'd opened to was about him ⦁ Intrigued, he sat down and flipped to the first page.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I asked Satan if he had any books about devildom fauna and asked him since there was no sun in the devildom, what did the flowers use as a food source. He had a few books and was nice enough to sit down with me and go over the material. He asked why I wanted to know and I explained I wanted to try growing something."

⦁ "Satan saved me from failing the test today! If he hadn't suggested we study together, I wouldn't have realized I had studied the wrong thing! At first he seemed annoyed but when I apologized he asked 'For what' and I said for bothering him, I felt bad because we'd have to waste time studying something I should already have had a good grasp on. He seemed surprised and explained he wasn't mad, things happen. He told me that at least when the time came to test for what I accidentally studied, I'd be more prepared. After all knowledge is power. I'm glad he's patient with me."

⦁ "Satan showed me some of his favorite books today. A lot of them were books about curses and hexes and the like, but it made him laugh. He was so excited to try some of the new curses he'd learned on Lucifer. It shows a different side to him, a more playful side. Dangerous, but still playful. Hopefully he'll never try to prank me with a curse haha!

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He remembered MC asking about local fauna and how things worked here in the devildom. He had almost laughed because things like that were basic knowledge, but he remembered that in the human realm, the sun was essential for most fauna growth. He admired MC for trying to learn new things and put that knowledge to use.

⦁ Satan smiled at MC remembering the phrase he had told them a few times. He'd been surprised when MC had opened to the wrong chapter to start studying, and the look of shock on their face when he told them, he felt bad. Nonetheless, this was a chance to see just how much he understood the reference material, now that he'd have to thoroughly explain so that they understood. He enjoyed his time with them and he was glad that their hard work paid off.

⦁ He hadn't realized how much he held back when around his brothers and MC, but he felt comfortable around MC, like they understood him. He felt like he could let down his guard a little with them, and he was glad to read they took his interests in curses and pranks in good humor. He might have to prank MC soon....nothing dangerous or over the top, but he wanted to tease them a bit.

Asmo ⦁ He went into MC's room to show off some new beauty products he'd bought ⦁ They weren't in their room, so he texted them, they replied they'd be there shortly ⦁ he takes a seat on their bed and notices a notebook on their nightstand ⦁ He opens it and sees it's their diary ⦁ And more importantly, they're writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Ugh, I had such a rough day today! I'm glad I ran into Asmo on my way back to my room. He wanted me to come with him and try some new stuff he got that was supposed to help with fatigue. At first I refused because I just wanted to lay down, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and eventually he wore me down and practically dragged me to his room. He was right, the products he used really did make me feel more energetic!"

⦁ "I ran into Asmo in town today, he was on his way to majolish. I joked with him that he owned every item of clothing in the store and he told me that's why he was going to buy me clothes! Once again I found myself dragged along with him. I feel like I need to just start going with things when it comes to him, it always ends up for the better. I feel bad that he spent so much grim, but he kept finding clothes that I 'Absolutely had to have!!!' he does have a good sense for my style at least."

⦁ "Today I went to Asmo's room, I was feeling down and it seemed like spending time with him always cheered me up. At first he seemed annoyed to be interrupted, but as soon as he saw it was be he perked up and pulled me inside his room. He asked why I looked so down in the presence of someone as beautiful and him and I had to laugh. I told him a little bit of what was on my mind, and it didn't seem like he was listening, just going about his beauty ritual. But after I had stopped talking he started giving advice on the more important things I had complained about. He's a great listener, I'm really happy he's my friend, even if he keeps trying to get in my pants! Though at this point I think it's just habit because he doesn't seem as pushy as he did at first.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Asmo recalled when MC was more resistant towards him, to be fair though they needed a good spa day! A lot! And now that he had read that they were thankful for his impromptu self care sessions, he was going to make actual plans for spa days with MC. They'd thank him in the future.

⦁ To be fair, he was glad he ran into MC while on his way to majolish. He knew MC's size, but wasn't entirely sure about what they liked personally. He knew what he thought they would look good in, but when they had started trying on clothes, he quickly noted what they seemed uncomfortable in, and what they actually seemed to like. An outfit may look cute, but if the person wearing it looks like they'd rather be wearing anything else, then it defeated the purpose! Eventually Asmo tuned into the styles and materials MC liked and went from there. He didn't even spend half as much as he usually did, so he found it funny that MC was worried over the total price of their new wardrobe.

⦁ He remembered the night MC came to his room, they had indeed interrupted him in the middle of his usual nighttime ritual, but as soon as he saw the look on their face he had to pull them in. He listened to MC pour their heart out while he went about his routine and when they stopped talking he assumed they were done and started giving them pointers. When he looked back to them, they look surprised. It confused him at the time, but now he understood it was because they thought he wasn't listening. He was always listening darling! It's how he knows so much.

⦁ He also hadn't realized that it had in fact, become more of a habit to flirt with MC, than to actually try to get somewhere with them. He didn't know how to feel about it.

Beel ⦁ To be fair, MC told him he could borrow their study notes, but didn't tell him where in their room they left the notebook ⦁ He sees what he assumes is the notebook on their bed and grabs it and heads to his room ⦁ Once he gets settled, he opens it and reads half the page before it clicks that these are definitely not study notes ⦁ This is their diary, and they were writing about him ⦁ He shuts it so fast, super embarrassed, but he can't stop thinking about what he'd read ⦁ Guilty, he opens it to read more

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I forgot my wallet today so I couldn't buy lunch, but on my way back to the classroom I ran into Beel. He was actually looking for me so we could have lunch together! He even grabbed my favorite foods. I don't think I've mentioned my favorites though...how did he know??"

⦁ "I had a major leg cramp today while walking with Beel today. After sitting down he asked if he could massage it to help. I agreed and it hurt so much at first!! He kept reassuring me through it though and after a while it stopped hurting. He told me I probably needed to drink more water and get some potassium. He also suggested I join him for his stretch warm ups to avoid cramps in the future. I had no clue he knew so much!"

⦁ "Beel is always so supportive and nice, he always makes my day brighter! I'm really glad to have him as a friend, a best friend even. Going to watch him at practice today, I'll make sure to bring his favorite snacks!"

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC had left their wallet that day, he just remembered how they looked so down, and then when he asked them to eat with him at lunch, and gave them their food, their face lit up. He wondered if that was how he looked when MC gave him his favorite snacks. It wasn't hard for him to tell when MC really liked something, they had an excited expression every time they saw certain food, was it usually a hard thing to notice?

⦁ Beel remembered that day, how MC practically dropped to the ground clutching their leg. They told him it was a cramp and as soon as it stopped hurting so much, they could just walk it off. He scoffed at the memory, but was glad he taught MC something, and they had been joining him for his warm-up stretches since.

⦁ He was touched, he definitely saw MC as a close friend, they were his second favorite person, after his twin of course. He was glad he could make their day brighter, and felt guilty again because he was reading their diary. ⦁ He'd admit what he'd done later and apologize, hopefully MC wouldn't be too angry...

Belphie ⦁ MC texts him asking if he could bring their notebooks they forgot ⦁ They were having a study session but it turned into a nap session instead ⦁ He opens one of the notebooks to quickly scan over the notes they were supposed to study ⦁ These are not school related ⦁ This is their diary, and whats more, there's a lot about him in it ⦁ A wicked grin spreads across his face and he settles in to read what MC had to say about him.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Oof today Belphie made me laugh so hard I could barely breath today! I had tears and everything. He was doing impersonations of his brothers and when he did Lucifer, I lost it! Even aside from that he has a great sense of humor."

⦁ "I forgot it was may day to cook and took a 3 hour nap. Luckily Belphie covered for me and came to wake me up when dinner was ready. I owe him big time, which owing Belphie something....is a scary thought. I'm sure it'll be fine though!"

⦁ "Lucifer was running me ragged today! on top of homework he was making me help him with his paperwork! Belphie saw me on my way back to Lucifer's office and grabbed me and told me I was going to take a nap with him since I looked like I was about to drop anyway. I tried to argue, but as soon as Belphie tossed me onto the pile of pillows and blankets, honestly I'm pretty sure I just passed out. I had to hear it from Lucifer later on, but Belphie made me laugh after so all in all it was worth it.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC thought he was actually funny, he thought they were laughing to make him feel better, but he remembered them near pissing themself when he mocked Lucifer and grinned.

⦁ Belphie went to remind MC it was cooking duty but saw they were asleep. He knew what it was like to be woken up from a nap, so he just figured they could return the favor later on. It was funny to him that they thought he would have something insidious in mind for repayment. He might have to think of something besides covering for him for cooking duty...

⦁ He remembered vividly seeing MC's haggard face and realized they were heading to Lucifer's office. They looked dead on their feet so he grabbed them up. Part of it was and excuse to nap with them, the other was to piss off Lucifer. And maybe a little bit of pity for them. He had listened in on some of Lucifer's lecture to MC, and had a lot of new material to mock him about that he wanted to share with MC.

⦁ He was going to tease them so much about carrying their diary around and leaving it for whoever to read.

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palbabor-writes · 3 years

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Moniker

Hawks Week 2020 - Prompt: Rebirth

Character: Keigo Takami - Hawks

Warnings: Angst, some adult language, the drama of growing up

Word Count: 5433

“They need you to pick a name, Keigo. You’re old enough now and the data has shown that you’re learning how to control your quirk. The advancements we’ve seen in the last few months have been outstanding. The HPSC wants you to start making a name for yourself, publicly. We’re hoping, in six or so years, you’ll be operating on a professional level.

So, look over those names and pick one. Once you do, you’ll no longer go by Keigo Takami. No, that name will be expunged from the records.”

Why? He’d wanted to ask. Why can’t he keep his name? Does it really matter? What were they going to do with him? Why was he even in this program?

There were so many questions racing through his mind. But, he just nodded and looked out the window. What good did it do to ask? They weren’t going to tell him anything. This was all just another manipulation. They always tried, so, so hard to let him feel like he had a say in his name, in his life, in anything.

In reality, he was just their little puppet, floating along on a tight string.

Notes: Part of Hawks Week 2020, Day 7 - Prompt: Rebirth.

This fic, like my Shigaraki exploration, Phantasma is part of a smaller series I’m calling Hopscotch. There’s a ton of kids in the BNHA universe that just need a freaking hug, man. But, all this trauma does give me some nice topics to write about...Not beta edited, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Moniker mon·i·ker /ˈmänəkər/ noun a name.

Keigo Takami is a ward of the Hero Public Safety Commission.

He’s been a ward for most of his life. He’s used to the routine: the daily drills, the daily training, the daily lessons, the daily lectures, the daily monotony of it all.

He’s never alone.

There’s always a few of them hovering. They, being the agents who are assigned to his daily care and maintenance. They’re like black spots, bleeding out against the clean, crisp linoleum floors. He’s shuttled around like a chess piece. As if he needs a shadow to guide him. He knows this building inside and out. He knows just where to perch if he wants to avoid the cameras and he knows the secrets of at least five or six of his handlers.

They blurt stuff out around him. People never think kids are listening. Too bad for them, cuz, he’s got enough dirt to take them straight to the top if he wanted to. Not that he wants to. Some of the handlers are nice, but Keigo has learned that sometimes nice is another way to say: manipulative.

So, he imagines that he can flex a little control over them, too. He’s got the information, he’s just not sure who to take it to. He’s never seen the head of the HPSC. They remain an enigma. The leader of this whole thing is the one piece he hasn’t slipped onto the puzzle. No, whoever they are, they’re mysterious. He only knows they exist because he’s seen their hen scratch of a signature on his progress reports and monthly, “how are you doing Keigo,” emails.

Despite the mystery, the head of the HPSC is the one constant in his life. He can’t say the same of his handlers. Most of the people who surround him shift and change. They’re like a tide.

When he was younger, his father used to take him down to the beach. Keigo was always fascinated by the pull, the drag, of that dark blue water.

Yeah, these handlers of his moved in and out like a tide. Every month it was someone else. One or two might be familiar faces, but they never told him their names. Well, not their real names at least. No, no one ever revealed those. Keigo was accustomed to the secrecy of it all. It was kinda boring.

But, most days were.

It was just him and the various adults who were tasked with his lessons or training schedules. It was a never ending circle, a rotation of sameness that made his teeth ache. There were no other kids at the base. No, lucky him, he was the only one selected to receive this special training.

When he was smaller he’d been a little more excited. He’d wander behind the dark suits, clutching his Endeavor figure to his chest, his eyes scanning every room, every person, every crevice.

You can never be too careful Kei, his father had told him, his golden eyes winking down at him. Always keep your eyes and ears open.

“It’s a special program, Keigo. Starting today, you need to say goodbye to your name. You’re going to become a very special hero, okay?”

It was a younger man who had talked with him that afternoon. He can remember looking down at his toy, the plastic heavy, sticking to his clenched arms. Keigo can recall his small voice asking the man two questions: “Can I be like him? Can I be a hero who beats the bad guys?”

At the time, they had felt so, well, important to him. They were all encompassing, vital queries that needed to know the answer to back then. He disliked them now. They were stupid questions. Besides, what self respecting adult takes the word of a six year old seriously?

He’s eleven now. He’s way past those childish dreams. And, they still hadn’t taken his name from him. Oh, they hinted at it. He’d even caught sight of one of the lists.

The lists were the long rows and rows of potential hero names for Keigo. Not that he was asked much about any of this. His opinion didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. He’d only managed to see one of the lists a few years ago. His handler hadn’t been expecting him back so fast.

He wasn’t supposed to use his wings unless he was in the training facility. Little did they know, he’d been practicing. How could he not? He could feel each and every tiny thing with his feathers. It drove him insane. If he was drifting off to sleep he would feel the electricity humming through the walls. When he focused hard enough he could hear the distant conversations happening on the floors above him.

It was an endless march of noise, emotion, and sensations. He felt like he was overstimulated all the time, his skin too heavy for his bones. He wanted to scream some days: get these off me, I can’t, I-I can’t take it. But, he had to learn how to grapple with his quirk. It was part of him.

Still, sometimes he wished he was someone, anyone else.

‘Turn it off’, they said, ‘dampen the urge to reach out with your feathers’.

Yeah, right. Let them slip into his quirk, see how much they liked the all consuming sensation of it all. It was too much, too intense. Some days it’s a fight to make himself get out of his bed. Everything is just...too close, sometimes.

He’s just a kid, he wanted to tell them. Like that would grant him a reprieve. No, he already knew what answer they would give him. The HPSC had selected you for a purpose, a reason, Keigo.

They fed him such vague, well, bullshit. Yeah, he knows he shouldn’t say words like that, whatever. They shouldn’t be doing this, er, whatever it was that they were hoping to achieve with him. But, it’s not like the confirmed acknowledgement of their preposterousness would stop them. No, he’d learned to keep his mouth shut and his eyes open. It was the best way to survive the endless march of days and weeks. He would nod, practice, and then practice a little more in secret.

It’s his quirk after all. If he could perfect it, maybe they would loosen his leash.

His wings were still a little stunted. They could grow to longer points, but it took a lot of time and a lot of concentration. It was like his body knew exactly what he could, or could not, in this case, handle. More feathers meant more sensations. More sensations meant less sleep, less control, and, worst of all, less autonomy. There would be more tests, more training, more, more, more.

Still, he worked at it. It was a double edged sword. He both hated, and loved, the improvements he saw within himself.

Despite his impeded wing growth, Keigo could flap himself along now. He could even hover in the air for a little while, but his back would protest the strain after forty minutes or so. It hurt to hold himself up. His shoulders just weren't broad enough to maintain his weight. He’d been hoping that eating a little more would help. You know, beef him up a little.

He’d brought the subject up with one of his handlers, one of the ones he actually knew. The man had nodded, his curly blonde hair bobbing around his ears. And, with that, his food rations were extended. He was also given some other choices too. Some steak, veal, higher protein foods. He’d stubbornly stuck with chicken. He liked the taste. Never one to pass up an opportunity, Keigo took advantage of the larger portions and he gorged himself on the succulent meat.

Four weeks later, he hadn’t grown much. Maybe what, half a pound? Nah, most of that energy must have been consumed by his quirk. But, the more he ate, the easier it was to focus on it. Meh, still a win, win. At least from the HPSC’s viewpoint.

He mentioned that there are never any kids around the HPSC training facility, right?

Adults? You couldn’t swing a dead cat and not hit at least 4 or 5 of them, at any given moment. Keigo didn’t mind. He was used to adults. By nature he was quiet, observant. It was his habit to position himself in the corners of rooms. It let him see anyone and everyone who entered or left. He likes watching. But, he’s done that his whole life. Even before the HPSC picked him up he’d learned how to hone that skill.

Now, the trainers and handlers were trying to break him of that tic.

‘You need to curb that Keigo’, they’d say. ‘If you’re going to become a successful hero you can’t just sit in the shadows. We already have plenty of agents who are trained for that. No, you need to be more gregarious. Speak up, talk with people. You’ve been drilled in this skill, now show us what you’ve learned. We want you to be a hero’.

So, he myna birds what they ask. They’ll leave him alone that way. Sure, sure, he’s rewarded with gifts, with praise, with extra free time. But, it’s all so calculated. He can smell their intentions a mile away. He’s seen the books some of them read. They were books with titles like: The Psychology of the Child, The Developing Mind, Playing and Reality.

If that wasn’t obvious enough, he’d heard some of the conversations they passed as they handed off their shifts, the words lilting back and forth, like secret notes.

“Ignore his minor tactics. It’s just him responding to the attention. Only praise him when he’s behaving.” Or, “Give Keigo labeled praise. You know, build his self esteem. He’s so quiet, it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. Pack a snack for him. That way when he opens up to you, boom! Treat in hand.”

Do they not realize how much he can hear? God, adults are dumb. Smile and give them what they want, or, say what they most need to hear and they’re eating out of your hand. Meanwhile, as they’re congratulating themselves on a job well done, they had no idea what thoughts were racing behind his golden irises.

No, Keigo is motivated by other things. One motivation trumps all the others: he wants to get outta this place. Just for a day, heck, he’d take an hour. Keigo is tired of the same walkway, the same lunch hall, the same dreary views of the city.

It’s springtime in Japan and Keigo can make his feathers molt. It’s a newer skill, one he’s withholding from his handlers for the time being. Maybe if he feigns a cough, he can pretend to be sick? He’s gotten pretty good at acting now. That was another one of his classes. It was like a, how to deceive someone 101. Actually, it was prolly called something like ‘Espionage for Tots’.

It was fun. He liked the smiles and serious faces he was asked to make. They should have slapped a big: “please, Keigo, don’t use these skills to deceive us” disclaimer on the door. He liked the guy that taught it, too. He was a short, unassuming man, but he would genuinely grin at Keigo each time he walked through the door for his session. Oh, wait. Was that just an act? He’d have to ask him. Boy, he’s good if it was. He needs to shore up his own skills…

He could always pretend that an imaginary sick day was part of the lesson. Look! My poor feathers, they’re molting, how sad. Also, cough, cough, I feel ill. No, ill is a bad choice of words. Ahem, I mean, I don’t feel so good. Can I lay down? Maybe prop open my window, for the fresh air. Oh no! I accidentally swooped out. Cough, cough.

Keigo isn’t even sure what he’d do with himself if he could manage to sneak out. It’s not like he’s not noticeable. He’s sporting at least 7 feet of ruby red plumage now. Well, if he’s gonna plan an escape, he might as well do it-

“Keigo,” it’s a sharp voice, and it startles him out of his musings. It belongs to one of the head handlers. Kaori? Yeah, that’s her name. Eh, the one she’d given him at least. She’s nice enough, a little rough around the edges at times, but she’s fair. Maybe, oh, maybe he can ask her about-

“Are you listening, Keigo? We need to go. The provost was expecting us over an hour ago. Where have you been? Mai couldn’t find you so she asked me to look for you.”

“I was up there.” Keigo points, his chin lifting to follow his movement, wings fluttering against his back. Despite her tone, Kaori doesn’t seem too upset. Her heartbeat is normal. But, that didn’t mean much around here.

“Up there?” Kaori’s tone is faint and a little awed. She turns her violet gaze to his, pursing her lips into a thin line. “Since when?”

“It’s been, ah, three months and sixteen days since I first made it to that perch. They didn’t like that I went so far. Eiichi said he was going to document it though. I mean, it ain’t too far. Guess I can go for a lower spot next time. I just like that I can see more up there, it makes it-”

“No, no. It’s fine Keigo. Don’t say “ain’t,” it’s slang. I suppose it has been awhile since I’ve seen you. How old are you now? Ten?”

“Eleven,” Keigo replies, his back straightening, wings arching beside his head.

“Mmm, eleven. Gosh, you’re growing up fast,” Kaori’s reply is sharp, practiced. Keigo rolls his eyes. She wanted to spark a reaction out of him. See if he’ll puff up with joy or grow sullen with her mistake of thinking he’s younger than he is. It’s easier to assign him extra training than really deal with him. At least, that’s what some of his handlers seemed to think.

“Have you seen the news?” Kaori asks, violet eyes resting on his amber ones. “There’s a mission coming up. Endeavor’s agency is taking it on.”

Keigo feels his wings lifting again, but he quickly suppresses the motion, his shoulders hunching forward. He never, ever, wanted to seem too eager. Not when they’d primed him for such an obvious tell. It’s not like they didn’t know what heroes he admired.

Yeah, Keigo had seen the news. He was permitted two hours of television each day. Most blocks were taken up with watching the latest developments. Sometimes he would shift the channel to a cartoon, but the television time would be lessened if he watched nonsense for too long. No, the tv was for educational purposes only, not for leisure or fun. He’d heard that line enough to have it memorized.

“What about it?” Keigo asks, falling into step with Kaori. She’s taking the long way back to his next lesson. Clearly, she’s wanting to glean something from him.

“Well, I was thinking it might be beneficial for you to observe the mission.”

“What, like on CCTV or something?”

“No. In person. We would need to fit into the crowd, but this mission has been widely publicized, it’s a miracle the villain’s haven’t heard about it.”

“That, or they want the fight.”

Kaori laughs. “Very good, excellent observation. You’ve improved Keigo. Consider this a set date. I will personally escort you to the mission viewing point. At the end of the exercise, I would like to hear your opinion on the matter.”

Keigo bites his tongue.

It’s too slick again, too obvious. The mission Kaori mentioned fits the profile of a raid, not the everyday, run of the mill, villain sting. Endeavor’s agency had been squaring up with the lower level fighting rings for months now. This was just another day for him. The number two hero promised to clean up crime and he was following through with that assertion.

So, why take him to see it now? Why did it matter if Keigo saw it in person? The data and video would be uploaded the next day to the HPSC database, he could just watch it and take notes then.

Why is she doing this?

Keigo chances a glance at her face. She’s pale, stern and stoic above him. Her heels click on the tiles and her back is ramrod straight. A few feathers bristle, feeling, listening, nah, her pulse is steady too. It’s hopeless. Maybe this is the challenge? Something to test him, to try and see if he can get a read on the unreadable?

“What’s the point of me going? What good does it do? My data sheets haven’t slipped enough to call for anything like this.”

“Don’t be so critical of everything Keigo,” Kaori scolds him, her purple eyes lingering on his spreading plumage. “It’s not a test, it’s not a drill. I just...I can remember what it was like to be a teenager and be trapped doing something I didn’t want to do.”

Again, Keigo is silent after her declaration. He’s not really sure how to answer. Pragmatic, logical, even angry responses, he’s used to those. This? What is this? Some kinda misplaced empathy? He never would have placed an empathetic bone in Kaori’s body before today.

They pause at the provost’s doorway and Kaori places an arm on his shoulder, demanding his attention with her strong grip.

“Let me know by tomorrow.”

And, with that, she’s gone, pacing down the long hallway, her heels tapping a sharp tattoo against the flooring. Keigo narrows his eyes, avian pupils dilating, focusing. Sure, maybe it was just an opportunity, a chance for him to get out of the headquarters for a while, but there’s always a catch.

******

The email comes a few hours later.

Keigo is sprawled across his bed, his wings tucked safely along his shoulders as he flips through his textbook. He lifts his head from his pillow and sighs heavily at the familiar chime from his computer. It’s either more geometry problems or it’ll have something to do with what Kaori was discussing: The Endeavor mission.

His wings shift and rustle as he stands. He’s agitated, on edge. He dislikes being maneuvered into a corner. No matter what the email is over, he’ll feel obligated to say yes. Even if it’s by default.

Keigo steps up to his computer, his long fingers racing over the keypad, typing in his encrypted password. As he waits for the screen to load, his eyes fall to the battered figurine beside his monitor.

It’s the Endeavor toy. He’s kept it all these years, safe and sound, in each bedroom he’s moved to. The flames are dull and his bright blue uniform is more mottled than cobalt, but it’s still a tiny piece of his other life.

His father had given it to him. It was years ago. He hadn’t thought he was going to get anything for his birthday, but then, his father had flown in, his own plumage glimmering against the dying sunlight and presented four year old Keigo with the toy. He had clutched it to him, his eyes shining and bright.

“Dad! Ah, how did you know?”

His father had beamed at him, his eyes softening at the sight of his son’s genuine smile. Keigo didn’t smile a lot back then. Their life was too tumultuous, too chaotic. There was too much at stake. His father had gathered him up and pressed the button that activated the toy’s internal voice box. Keigo had squealed with delight and wrapped his arms around his father’s neck.

Now, Keigo traces a single finger along the top of the Endeavor’s head, running along the dimmed flames. He’s seen a decent amount of coverage on the number two hero lately. He’d even gone as far as studying his moves. Not that it mattered. His quirk would never be a match for the flame heroes skills. But, he had to admire the guy.

He was constantly overshadowed, outranked and outclassed by All Might. Still, Endeavor pushed forward. He’s the only one who really tried to overtake the number one hero. It was both impressive and, well, kinda pathetic, desperate even. All the same, Keigo kept hunting for news of the number two. Once you have a favorite, Keigo reasoned, you tend to stick with them.

Tearing his eyes away from the little figurine, Keigo clicks on the new email. He blinks a few times, even rubs his eyes. No, no way. He spreads his fingers along the computer’s trackpad, enhancing the words. Yeah, no, it’s really there.

It’s the list.

Remember? The one with all the HPSC’s approved names for him?

It’s, well, it’s even more anticlimactic than he was expecting. Damn, it’s over three pages of the most asinine, inane bullshit. Two bad words, oh no, and in one sentence. In his defense, this crap deserved a whole string of curse words.

There are names like: REDWING, Darkbird, Vulture, WINGMAN, Canary, Condor, RED Condor, Northwind, Zauriel, Red jay, WING. God, it’s just page after page of trash. Whomever they paid to create this, well, they needed a new day job. Might as well just call him: BIRDBOY or something. Sighing, Keigo clicks out of the email, his plumage lifting and lowering, feathers rustling again, perturbed. Yeah, he’s got wings. So what? That’s not all he is.

Keigo is about to pace back to his bed when another email chimes in. Groaning, he doesn’t even look at the sender before opening it. Oh.

It’s from Kaori and the head of the HPSC. They were wanting to confirm the viewing of the Endeavor mission. Both felt that it was a good use of Keigo’s time and the HPSC’s resources. They just need his answer.

Funny, Keigo thinks, tapping a quick reply, they always like to pretend that he has a say in things.

******

He’s never been a tall kid. He’s not sure if it’s his quirk or something genealogical. Quirk makes the most sense. It’s hard enough to lug his own tiny body around, he can’t even imagine trying to pull someone like Endeavor into the air.

Keigo’s seen the number two plenty of times. God, hundreds and hundreds of times, really. But, he’s not prepared for the hulk of a man that is standing before him. Enji Todoroki, that’s his real name. Most heroes don’t hide their civilian names. No, they’re all listed in the databases of the HPSC and open for public scrutiny. Keigo shifts on the balls of his feet, his toes tapping against the pavement. Apparently, that’s not going to be an option for him.

Kaori had sat, prim and proper, next to him in the long black car as they drove to the mission site. Her violet eyes were dull flints of purple as she relayed the news:

So, look over those names and pick one. Once you do, you’ll no longer go by Keigo Takami. No, that name will be expunged from the records.”

Why? He’d wanted to ask. Why can’t he keep his name? Does it really matter? What were they going to do with him? Why was he even in this program? There were so many questions racing through his mind. But, he just nodded and looked out the window.

What good did it do to ask? They weren’t going to tell him anything. This was all just another manipulation. They always tried, so, so hard to let him feel like he had a say in his name, in his life, in anything. In reality, he was just their little puppet, floating along on a tight string.

Keigo looked over the police tape to Endeavor again. Even the number two hero got to keep his name. What makes Keigo so different?

“They’ll be rushing the entrance soon,” Kaori says, her arms crossed, her pressed suit dark against the bright sunlight. “You might be able to see it a little better if you move to the other end of the street.”

Keigo looks up at her, his eyes impassive. Kaori, sensing his gaze, blinks down at him. “Don’t go far. Consider this a small reward for good behavior. I know what I told you in the car can’t have been easy to hear. Don’t make me regret giving you a little more freedom.”

For a long moment, Keigo is still.

He wants to dash off. He’s never done that. It would be nice to place a little distance between him and his handler. Plus, he’s outside. It’s a beautiful day, just puffy clouds and the fresh, clean smell of springtime. Well, and the hustle and bustle of the raid that is unfolding across the street. He looks up at Kaori and her violet eyes lift away from him. She shakes her head and a small smile creeps across her lips.

“Go on, you better hurry. Endeavor’s about to enter the building.”

It’s all the prodding he needs. Like a shot, Keigo is dashing through the crowd. A few people clamor around him, their voices distant, complaints and admonishments ringing over his golden head. He rounds the street corner and his wings lift, testing the air, trying to tug him into the skies.

Amber eyes flash as he looks for the perfect spot. Ah-ha! There’s a low, tiled roof across the street. If he can get up to the second story he should be able to see into the back of the compound Endeavor is conducting the raid on.

His back aches, muscles tired and straining, but he ignores the sting. His wings lap against the warm air and, just like that, he’s landing on the roof, his sneakers bright against the dark tile. Keigo turns back to the compound. Yes! Perfect! He can see everything. His wings settle along his shoulders, still lifted as he crouches down, the plumage vibrating, listening.

Keigo can hear some of the transmission between the heroes. Their radios are switched up and the static sound makes his nose wrinkle. It feels fuzzy, almost like he’s stepped on a live wire. Apparently, Endeavor is about to move into the exposed courtyard and Keigo sits up straighter, his wings spreading, cupping under the low wind. He’s so focused on catching sight of the number two that he doesn’t hear the warning cry.

No, he only notices the danger when it’s too late.

His feathers bristle, arching, quivering, reacting as a set of talons rips into his delicate plumage. His wings throb. It stings and he feels the anger, the rage that is coursing through the culprit that’s attacking him. Their screams make his ears ache and he rolls away, his hands instinctively covering his head, protecting himself from the sudden onslaught. His golden eyes are narrowed and searching. What the hell-

The pieces fit into place when he sees her.

It’s a hawk. She’s already taken to the skies, her dark wings wheeling her back to the roof. She lifts upward, the strong winds carrying her high, against the clouds. Then, she’s diving, her feathers bracing along her sides, propelling her at a terrifying speed.

She’s headed straight for him.

Keigo, unthinkingly, rolls out of the way, his own wings flaring open and flapping him a good ten feet or so, hopefully placing him out of range. The hawk pulls up, another scream echoing across the sky. She wheels around, her sharp beak and eyes trained on him. Keigo’s foot slips against the uneven surface of the roof and he bites his lip, his ankle twisting painfully.

“Hey! Keigo! Oh, there you are. Come on! The raid is wrapping up, we need to get back.”

Kaori’s voice shudders up his spine, his oversensitive wings making her sound like a foghorn. Wait. The raid is over? He whirls back to the compound, his eyes scanning, flashing in his agitation.

No. No, no, no.

She’s right. Endeavor and his sidekicks are already back at the front of the building, he can’t even see them clearly from here. He’s missed his chance. Damn it.

It’s not fair, he thinks, a misting of tears clouding his sight. He’d been so close. And now? Now, he’s gotta go back to that stupid building. Now, they’re going to take away his name and force him to do even more training. Who knows when he’ll get out again. It’s just, it’s not freaking fair.

Keigo wipes his arm against his eyes, pulling the moisture across his sleeve. He can’t let Kaori see him cry. He hasn’t cried in years. He’s not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing that he still...wait...what’s that?

Across the rooftop, close to where his original perch was, is a nest. It looks clumsy, like it might fall off into open space at any moment. It’s held together with a spattering of twigs and sticks, but there’s movement. Keigo lowers his arm, his wings lifting again, feeling. There’s one...no...there’s two chicks inside. They feel soft. Their heartbeats are fluttering, like a butterfly’s wing.

He looks down at Kaori. She’s standing on the street corner, shielding her eyes from the sun as she peers up at him. Keigo lifts his hand so she can see, one finger raised, silently asking her for a little more time. Kaori groans, he can hear her exhale from here, and nods, lowering her gaze, one hand propped on her jutted hip.

“Be quick about it, Keigo.”

He lets his wings bevel over his shoulders and he hops, carefully, slowly, across the tiles. As he gets closer, two pairs of yellow eyes peer at him, half hidden in the tangle of twigs. He grins and leans up, wanting to look a little…

The hawk, quick as lightning clatters in front of the nest, shielding her chicks from his curious observation. Her wings flare at his proximity, her beak open, sharp. She clicks a warning, her feathers spreading. Keigo mimics her display, his own wings fanning out and the hawk tilts her head, surprised. Her eyes blink, the dark orange shifting from agitated to quizzical. Slowly, her wings lower, draping along her back. Talons shift against the tiles and she chirps at him. It’s a different sound, less challenging. It's almost like a question.

Keigo lifts one of his hands, his fingers balled into a fist and gingerly extends his arm, his shoes sliding closer. She lifts her wings and glides a little nearer, her head still tilted in that exaggerated way. She chirps at him again and lowers her head. If he reaches out a little further he could stroke a finger down her feathers. Just a bit…

“Keigo!”

The sound of his name startles him and the hawk. She yanks from his touch and launches herself back into the skies. Keigo watches her, fascinated by the ease, the grace that she moves with. As he’s admiring her fluidity, a single feather flutters to his feet. He almost misses it. The wind starts to catch it, pulling it away, but he snatches it up, his fingers careful to not crush the barbs.

“Keigo, I’m not going to ask again...”

He uses his wings to help him down the side of the building. The verdant plumage is swelling, arching behind him. It feels different. Keigo lowers them against his back, mirroring the way the hawk had draped them, the feathers close to his skin. It helps. They don’t feel like something that he’s untethered from when he holds them like that. He’s still basking in his discovery when Kaori steps toward him, one brow arched.

“You know better than that, Keigo. Didn’t I ask you to not make me regret giving you a little more freedom? Come on, we’re overdue. What’s that in your hand?”

“Nothing,” Keigo replies, tucking the hawk’s feather into his jean pocket. She was so pretty, fierce and quick.

“You put any thought into any of the names on the lists? We were thinking your hero name should be-”

“Hawks,” Keigo replies, his wings stretching behind him, shimmering in the bright sunlight. “I wanna be called Hawks.”

Notes: bb Keigo is too cute, I couldn’t resist.

Tags: @hawksweek2020, @spicy-skull,

#hawksweek2020 #hawks week 2020 #bnha hawks #hawks #keigo takami #takami keigo #hopscotch #hopscotch series #bnha #boku no hero academia #hawks-centric #little hawks #bb keigo

106 notes · View notes

simptasia · 4 years

Note

hc questions 5, 6, 7, 26, 44 & 47 for any or all of the science team members if you want? :)

oh bless!! thank you!! i’ll go with My Beloved Three, as usual, the sci trio

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

my hcs on this have wobbled over time but overall i imagine dan, char and miles are all like, fairly, neat. tho they all have a tendency to leave papers around

and miles doesn’t make the bed as much. cuz imagining miles napping in rumpled quilts is a very cute mental image. hair disheveled

i think a good term for whats going on with dan and char is Organized Chaos. they’re both scientists (and a musician) for heck’s sake. it doesn’t look like they know what they’re doing but they do. but ur not gonna walk into their house(s) and be like “ugh gross what the fuck”. it’s nice. dan tends to make the bed

and i imagine dan keeps The Rat Room (yes, you heard me) immaculate because you reeeeeeally want that area to be well cared for

as for personal, lets get this out of the way, none of them are yucky. but dan is showering the least, just due to absent mindedness and hyperfixation. like ya really get into a project and then suddenly oh fuck i need a shower. but thats relative. he’s not a stinky gross boy. i imagine miles washes the most because like, he has body piercings and those GOTTA be cleaned every day, especially the downstairs one. miles values his dick, he don’t want an infection

also its amazing how much more you shower/bathe when you have a partner. or in this case, two partners. in general and for sexy purposes. hell yeah

well thats enough of me picturing these three showering, moving on

Eating habits and sample daily menu

its odd how often i’ve pictured these people eating together

dan: eats the least (and for once that isn’t a skinny joke, he could eat cake every day and he’d still be like that) because for the most part he doesn’t have much of an appetite. he eats what he needs, with random bursts of being really hungry (it’s a neurodivergent thing). i imagine he has a extra fondness for pasta and can put a surprising amount of it away when he wants to. tho typically for ease, he’ll stick to noodles. he takes his coffee mild and decaf. i hc him as a vegetarian due to not being able to process meat. his body also cannot handle alcohol and the one time he tried it he needed to be hospitalized. his ice cream preference is vanilla with chocolate sprinkles. or honeycomb. favourite vegetable is capsicum (which he’d call a bell pepper because he’s american), favourite fruit is pineapple. on that note he likes pineapple pizza. overall he eats simple but isn’t against trying new things. he has a very neutral disposition towards food

char: of the trio, i define charlotte as the Loud Passionate One so obviously being a big eater goes with that, likes a big breakfast (eggs, sausages, sometimes french toast!), sometimes skips lunch when she’s working at the museum due to focus, has a ravenous sweet tooth (i haven’t been subtle that i’ve made her ADORE chocolate but in general i see her liking sweet things), she can handle eating less tho because she’s gone on plenty of expeditions and such. so i think she eats a lot under normal circumstances because, like, she can. i don’t think i need to tell you what her ice cream or starbucks preferences are, do i? takes her coffee with three sugars, two coffees and creamy. likes mochas and hot chocolates too. with marshmallows. naturally, her fave kind of chocolate is galaxy because she is an English Woman. another fave of hers is cadbury’s creme eggs. but lest you think Good Lord Sapphire This Woman’s Entire Body Is A Sugar Molecule, don’t worry she does eat well. like veggies, fruits, meats, she’s fine. of meats, she has a fondness for fish (i have no further information, im terrible with fish. but she’s a pom, so...). favourite fruit is pear, favourite vegetable is peas. likes a bacardi, or rum and coke

miles: he eats a “normal” amount but he’s a grazer. which means, not so much Set Meal eating than eating/snacking thru out the day. he takes his coffee black, no surprise, but with sugar! see, its a metaphor. for him. likes fried eggs and hash browns. his fave food is very cheap mac and cheese. i think in general he really likes cheese. he doesn’t have complicated tastes, like, he grew up poor. he likes seafood (in particular fish tacos) but not lobster as he discovered when he got cashed up. he likes salty food but likes sweets too, in particular i can imagine him snacking on m&ms, skittles, gummi bears. little things. doesn’t have a fave vegetable because he doesn’t care enough, to him veggies are things to eat so you won’t die. doesn’t hate him but isn’t excited to eat ‘em. fave ice cream is mint choc. he’ll drink whatever (except for vodka) but is used to beer. thinks pineapple on pizza is an abomination, espech since he really likes pizza otherwise. i consider him a food opportunist, like, oh theres food here? yoink. or like, oh hey, if everybody else is eating, i’ll have whatever’s going on

....i feel like whenever i write hcs about these guys my brain takes on their tone. like, that was a lot of short, eh whatever, sentences for miles there

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

dan:

- reading (really depends on how you define Wasting Time). also he composes music and when he was alive, that was considered wasting time (ugh)

- sometimes even just doing hobbies or work or whatever, even then, he tends to have this feeling of never doing enough due to his Perfectly Healthy And Supportive Upbringing [seethes] so uhhhh basically, anxiety? like this was a dude raised to think anything other than his work was a waste of time. it didn’t exactly work but a decent amount of that Pressure has to still sit with him

char:

- watching tv, espech star trek

- not a waste of time if you’re enjoying yourself

miles:

- card and board games (weren’t expecting that, were ya? i’m not saying that's his Fave Thing To Do, but he considers that a good chill out thing to do. something to do when ur bored but you don’t feel like watching tv or having sex)

- “it’s something to do”

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

dan:

for original lifetime dan, it was Do Science, Make Mom Proud (tiny voice: and maybe spend the rest of my life with charlotte. if i’m lucky. maybe. please? love?) cuz i imagine dan, although very focussed on the future, actually doesn’t think/care about HIS future. i just don’t think he cares about himself enough

limbo dan is like Make Music, Love Charlotte. which is fair. and then Love Miles on top of that. so yeah, just wants to be a good musician and husband. and one day, father. with char actually in his life in this world, thats def on his mind. he won’t bring it up tho, he’ll wait for her to mention it :3

(dan’s canon contingency plan for things not working out is hydrogen bomb)

char:

alive char, like, ADVENTURE! ISLAND! SOLVE MYSTERIES! that makes it sound like she’s a fucking scooby doo character. i mean, her Goal was to find the island and find out what the fucky duck is going on. she did that. and overall his goals seem like adventure/career orientated. i hc that this version of char never intended on getting married or having kids. she wasn’t Against the ideas and she’s certainly had romances but she was more thinking of other things. (that and i think deep down char thought nobody would ever wanna marry her)

in limboverse There Is No Mystery but she still has her great job(s), that is she works at a museum and i think she goes on expeditions sometimes. so theres that, she’s got the great career. really, her Plan for the future in this world is live the live she couldn’t before. she (and dan!) died young so they’re gonna like, actively adore each other and get married and have kids. and also miles is there. ha, that sounded so rude. she loves miles too. (besties/fuck buddies turned Hey You Wanna Join Me And Dan’s Relationship and miles like... yeah sure)

miles:

step one: get money to fill gaping hole of sadness in chest

step two: ????

step three: die

and even my limbo miles whomst i’ve put with dan and char doesn’t have any plans for the future, besides like, do his job and maybe become a dad again (context: i hc that miles had two kids with richard when he was alive). so he’s still chilling but without the depressing ache of loneliness and bitterness

so basically long story short for all of them (in limboverse): Love & Family

Superstitions or views on the occult?

ohooo i like this one

dan: didn’t grow up believing in magic and such (which is super ironic because his mother is a fucking other) but he has a very open mind. i think he’ll believe it if he’s thrust into the situation. it’s interesting really, dan is known as the science guy and that's great but he’s super fucking accepting of not science shit. tho of course, he’s not seeing the island time travel as magic but science. but more importantly, he regards miles’ powers with zero doubt or questioning. he doesn’t even seem confused, he is absolutely on board with miles being able to talk to dead people. this all implies miles told him off screen and dan believes him

so basically he’ll accept whatever is presented to him as true

which honestly, is what a good scientist is like. the trope of the scientist character who is ultra non believing of the supernatural, even when they’re seeing it before their eyes, is annoying. like, you know the ones? the ones who get angry about it. the overly skeptical scientist. hate that. dan is not that

and his character arc includes embracing free will over destiny so there's that

char: she’s not superstitious and doesn’t believe in magic or the supernatural at all. tho thrown into bizarre situations she’s like ???? but has to accept it. and she KNOWS something is up with the island. she knows its different. i just mean, under normal circumstances she’d regard magic stuff as funny nonsense. i hc that char, in living life, doesn’t believe miles can speak to the dead. really fucking weird this isn’t addressed in the show but hahaaaa they wasted char! anyways and like, if presented with the concept that dan’s brain damage is being healed by the island, she’d look confused, say thats impossible but she’d think on it

what i’m saying is she’ll rule out magic concepts at first, on reflex. but would grow to accept them, especially with stuff she knows/has repressed

she doesn’t believe in ghosts, psychics, visions, magic healing and all those exist in her world, so it’s all a matter of experience

miles: WELL WHADDYA THINK

actually it’s funny. miles has magic powers but he’s 0% superstitious and i imagine outside of his own powers, he really doesn’t believe in the occult. i hc that until he personally proved otherwise, he grew up thinking he was mentally ill. and once he realised it was true, thought he was some kind of freak

and he’s incredulous when he finds out hurley has powers too. tho miles, being miles, does roll with the punches a lot in the show, he’s skeptical when it comes to hurley's power. and i find that interesting. also i fucking love how when hurley describes his power, miles says “thats not how it works”, like ???? babe???

but overall his attitude on the island is like “well. this is happening”

i do think thru his life, despite his power, he doesn’t believe in All Magic or occult or whatever. i also hc that he attracted those kind of people who are REALLY into astrology and auras and stuff like that and he found them exasperating. (i think he’d be a lot more okay with it if it was claire who was talking about astrology and palm reading with him. he’d be endeared when its her)

and i think he thinks other psychics he’s met or seen on tv are straight up bullshit. he can believe he has it but he’s skeptical of other people. just assumes they’re scammers. hell, he was a scammer. who just happened to have the power. he was like “well i have this, i may as well get some use outta it”

oh and in limboverse, they all kinda have to accept their situation. and they take it with ease due to appreciating getting happier lives

How do they express love?

a dan who loves you will pet your face and look at you like ur his entire reason to live. a char who loves you will squeak at your jokes and will never once let you feel bad about yourself. a miles who loves you is sorry he isn’t better at this stuff but he really is trying... sure we can cuddle if you wanna, that’s cool v///v

the dan and char we saw in the show was them holding back and i find that very amusing because they were HEART EYES AS FUCK for each other and so affectionate and so soft hearted, like oh my gosh. canon show dan/char is them when they’re pining... when they’re not even a couple (yet, damn it)

imagine them at full power

i figured it out, dan/char couldn’t be an Official Couple because then jeremy davies and rebecca mader would have destroyed us all, especially me

anyways. they’re both very protective of each other. they... they touch each other a lot. like a lot for people who aren’t dating and whomst don’t think the other one loves them. like char is surprised when dan says he loves her. that fucking astonishes me. HE’S NOT SUBTLE. char are you okay???

dan is more open about the love than char, seeing as he said it. and double downed on it. char i feel was holding back for different reasons than dan. dan was holding back (fucking barely) because of eloise’s Love Will Only Bring Pain upbringing, which’d give somebody a serious complex. so he was adverse to actually pursuing a relationship AND i figure he thought “she wouldn’t wanna be with me anyways”. but char i imagine, a deep seated insecurity and need to be defensive, but also! dan was like REALLY mentally unwell before the island. and that's the dan that char knows (and loves) but she’d feel guilty if she pursued anything with him. like she’s taking advantage of a brain damaged person

ah fuck i went on a big thing about why they didn’t become a couple instead of like.... the question. how do they express love? like they did in the show. smiles, touches, longing gazes, protectiveness. they would die for each other

as for miles, how does he express love? Not Well. at first

whoever is the first person he fell in love with (i imagine richard), he was not good at... being open about that. i don’t think miles is good with love. lived his life pretty detached/bitter about the concept, which i imagine is due to having cynicism about life and death. everybody you love is gonna die, so why bother? (his mom dying hit him pretty hard) so uhhh its gonna be... baby steps

slowly becoming more open about liking somebody, becoming more affectionate, more... uh, couple-y (and later throuple-y). it’d take time and he will always be miles, but hey, he gets there. he’ll still always have his snark but he won’t be a Genuine Asshole to people he loves. heck, i imagine he’ll be downright soft in the right situation. and he can be gentle and kind. he’s a salty boy not a cunt

but i digress. basically he’s a little “yeah, yeah, i love you too, shut up” about it but he does have that soft gooey center. basically those who know him, and love him, know his true heart. it’s just a part of being miles “defensive walls” straume

feels love (and even that takes him a while to realise, cuz he hasn’t been a romantic relationship kinda guy, most of his life his relationships have been a Just Sex thing), not Great at like... Doing Love, you know what i mean? but like once he’s used to it, he can be quite a tender little pudding cup, actually

#asalesbian #lost headcanons #BRUH I WROTE SO MUCH #SOOOO MUCH #sometimes i hold back #but this time i took the chance to go on some tangents and such #i really enjoyed this!

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coffee-for-himchan · 6 years

Text

Dating Zelo

Dating B.A.P series:

Yongguk // Himchan // Daehyun // Youngjae // Jongup // Zelo

So… This tree

Or.. This leaning tower of Choi Junhong

No, let’s go with this tree for now

He knows what an “aesthetic” is, and manages to make your whole relationship one

Without actually trying, you’d become “the couple” in everyone’s eyes

The OTP everyone loves and takes an example from

Which is funny, because you’re the youngest ones in most situations and should be taking examples from others

But you two just know how to relationship best of all and no one dares to argue with that fact

He’s always very intriguing with whatever he’s planned to do

You can give him puppy eyes and sweetly ask him to tell you where he’s spontaneously tugging you along to, and he’ll still never respond

But that’s how a lot of things end up being unexpected, nice surprises

And that keeps your relationship fresh and exciting

Wiggles his eyebrows and shoulders at anything at least merely suggestive to make it a weird mixture of innocently inappropriate because

“Junhong, the innocent ray of sunshine”

Yeah, not so much

There’s no true innocence left inside this guy

At least that’s what you tell yourself every time when lazy lying around on the couch in the evening turns into lazy something else real quick

And every time he’s whispering the most sinister and unholy yet arousing things into your ear or somewhere else

Damn, who taught him these things, really

But he can be so clueless and oblivious regarding the most self-explanatory things sometimes and that amuses you

He’s still just a big child a heart, and no one will convince you otherwise

Plus, if he’d be left to survive alone, he wouldn’t manage - there’s tons of examples for this

For one, he cannot cook for shit

The one time he tried you almost winded up calling the fire brigade

Once he almost mixed up laundry detergent with softener, and another time mistook window cleaner as the softener, because the bottles “looked alike” (side note - they didn’t)

He also left the iron on three times, and one of those times did not end too well, but that’s a story for another time

Basically, there’s thousands of different ways he cannot take care of himself in

But you don’t mind, since you’re there for a reason, and he’s trying his best to do all those things anyways

Have you seen him cleaning the house though

Vacuuming in particular

He’s dancing with that thing, not using it to clean carpets and floors

Yet somehow, there’s not a single grain of dust lying around afterwards

It’s magic really, but you don’t question him about how the hell he gets that done

You love it though because it’s silly just like Junhong

He knows a thousand bad pick up lines and always tells them to you

“If you were a flower, you’d be a daaaamndelion.”

They’re so bad, you can’t keep a straight face at them

But you don’t mind cringing every now and then because they’re actually funny tho

You two have a habit of booing each other every time you say something extremely cheesy

“So, how is it up there?”

“How should I know? I may be tall, but you’re the one who fell from heaven, not me.”

In full honesty - it’s sweet and all, but c’mon

You two are too edgy for this

So you boo him and he laughs, but in reality, he knows how your heart beats faster from just that one sentence

Because his does the same whenever he boos you for something cheesy

Oh, all of this playful denial. So fake yet so funny

He just doesn’t want to wind up on one knee citing poetry about the beauty of your heart and soul instead, because come on

Old fashioned and embarrassing

This is more easy-going and more fun, so he sticks to this

Or, perhaps, it’s something like

“So do you wanna go out with me tonight or what?”

“I’ll go with “or what” if that’s possible.”

He’s dying of laughter but mumbles something about being there in ten anyways

Because how can you deny him

He knows you can’t anyways, so he makes a run and is there in 7, not 10

3 more minutes spent together in this short lifetime

What can be better than this

He’s perfect somehow

Whoops, sorry, that’s wrong

He’s Perfect with a capital “P”

He is so big but so well-coordinated it’s scary

And his face is so squishy

And he doesn’t object when you playfully pull on his cheek so all is fine

And then there is that dimple

Not two dimples, just one, and that makes it even more charming

When that thing appears, poof

You’re gone. Done with. Wasted

He knows that and uses it in his favor

“Playful” is the key word to your relationship

It’s late and you’re tired?

Yeah, channel surfing on the couch and cuddles sounds good, but you’re currently in the kitchen making hot beverages…

And the radio is on..

And Bruno Mars just started playing..

And Junhong’s legs just start moving on their own, he swears, he did not even intend to start moving, it just happened

And wow, how did this end in a playful dance battle?

Honestly, no one knows and no one cares. You’re just glad it happened

He’s winning, but he’ll never admit

Your playful and silly dance moves are your best dance moves and as long as he gets to watch them he’ll be willing to call himself a loser

He’s won in so many ways already anyways

Never has he seen anyone dougie or shimmy or bop as hard as you do

The passion is real, and he loves seeing you letting loose in his company

You somehow spark and encourage his creative spirits without even meaning to do so

He’s found out that it’s so much easier to write verses in your company

Like, they can be completely unrelated to you - for all he knows he could be writing about the corrupt truth of this dark, emotionless society that we live in

(Yongguk, what have you taught this kid, seriously!?)

But just your presence is enough to make the lines write themselves on their own, and he doesn’t even have to try

It’s so encouraging, even more so when you come up and question him about all those words he’s laid down on paper

He’s yelled out the phrase “the king is back” countless times in many songs over the years, but he’s sure that the only time he really feels like king is when you wrap your arms around his shoulders from behind and peak at his writings

Just the way you actually care, ugh so sweet

And he can quote stuff to you, and you’ll just stand there and listen and will even comment sometimes

And you won’d object to anything and wow, that’s what kingship is. Being appreciated, listened to and encouraged to do better. Being treated this well

Now back to the thing everyone always starts off with when talking about Junhong

“He’s young”

He sure is young, and it also plays a big role in this relationship of yours

He’s not the most experienced in dating, but that makes him an eager learner and explorer in every possible field of this

For example, he will constantly be thinking about how many times a week he can hop by and stay at yours while not crossing any borders and stuff

He’ll be thinking of how to talk to you about certain things important to him, and how to put his feelings and thoughts into words

He’ll be thinking of what you’re awaiting from him in every situation, and what you want from this relationship as a whole

He’ll be experimenting with ways how to physically connect with you too, and will try to make sure he pleases all your needs

Because he’s Junhong, and he wants to be good at this

Like he’s good at dance and rap, and so many more things

And otherwise, expect tons of excitement from this tree because

Staying healthy and active together is a thing

He’ll make you skateboard with him, and if you can’t do that just yet, he’ll gladly teach you

Being parents to Mochii

Random, spontaneous outbursts of affection followed by shyness if anyone sees

Lots of letting the world see how you’re the couple #1 on the block, because once the world gets to know who his baby is, he will sure want to keep them updated on how you’re so, so perfectly meant for each other

All of that is part of your daily lives, and always will be

Because this tree is actually a great boyfriend

Very exciting, very loyal and never boring

Climb this tree and don’t get down from there like ever

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jaeminlore · 7 years

Text

Magic // Hansol Vernon Chwe

the prompt: vernon never liked schoolwork, and you weren’t one for random adventures. however, things can quickly change when you’re with the right person.

words: 7821

category: hogwarts au + fluff

author note: this took literally a year to write or at least that’s what it felt like. anyway this is for marissa (@midnighthansol) who go check out her scenario blog (@skooluvsaffair) bc it’s one of my favorites and she wrote camp counselor!jun for me and i squealed so loudly reading it lol.

ps i want to write for all of hogwarts!seventeen bc it’s so much fun and I’ve already got a hufflepuff!jun coming up so why not more?

- destinee

“Please, Jeonghan?” Vernon begged, stressfully running his hand through his dark locks. “All I’m asking you to do is help me with this potions essay.”

The fellow slytherin, who was casually undoing his tie, rose one of his eyebrows without raising his head. “No, what you’re asking me to do is lose precious sleeping hours. Which, by Jeonghan Law, is actually offensive.”

Vernon rolled his eyes, letting a frustrated groan emit from his lips as he stared at the blank parchment in front of him. “This is due tomorrow morning and if I don’t turn it in I’ll get detention. If I get detention, I won’t be able to go to quidditch practice.”

“Sounds like a personal problem to me,” Jeonghan said smartly, giving Vernon a patronizing pat on the shoulder before heading down the hall to his dorm.

Vernon scowled to himself. Jeonghan was correct. Technically, it was a personal problem, since he was supposed to have this essay finished weeks ago. However, why would one write an essay when they could practice quidditch? Why would one finish research when they have friends to hang out with? Honestly, Vernon felt that his last two years in Hogwarts should be spent having fun. He knew he would regret it if he didn’t explore the castle when he could.

There was a nearly empty box of muggle jellybeans on his table. Vernon couldn’t eat Bertie Bott’s: not since Seungkwan gave him a vomit-flavored one. Instead, Vernon appreciated the simple berry-flavored ones that muggles were content to stick with. Jellybeans were really the only snack that could keep him awake, since the sugar buzzed his brain for just a few minutes while he wrote down his next paragraph.

With a lime jellybean between his teeth and a quill between his fingers, Vernon worked towards his goal of finishing his essay before dawn. He was so concentrated, he couldn’t hear the soft footsteps of his sister descending down the stairs from the girl’s dormitory. It wasn’t until he felt her flick the back of his head that he noticed her. “Ow!” He held his head and turned around, “Sophia!”

His little sister, also in Slytherin, stood in front of him with a letter in her hand. “I talked to Mom and Dad.”

“So? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Sophia huffed childishly and pulled the quill out of her brother’s hand. “I think you’ll want to hear this. I told mom and dad about your horrible study habits. They were worried about you and why you hadn’t owled them.”

“I’ll do it later,” Vernon promised, “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.”

“You wouldn’t have anything on your plate if you’d just do your assignment the night you get it.”

Vernon ran a hand down his face, distraught, “What do you want?”

“Mom and Dad said to get you a tutor. They want someone who will push you to do your work instead of goofing off until the last minute.”

“Great. I’ll ask Seungkwan tomorrow.”

“Not so fast,” Sophia blocked his efforts. “They said •I• could pick your tutor. After some thought, I’ll choose one and send them your way.”

Vernon groaned and buried his head in his arms. “I always get my work done, though! Why do I need a tutor?”

“Don’t think of them as a tutor.” Sophia patted his shoulder comfortingly. “Think of them as a time manager.”

“That sounds stupid,” Vernon said.

“You sound stupid,” Sophia retorted.

“If you two don’t keep quiet I will take my head boy butt all the way to the headmaster and deduct slytherin points myself!” Jeonghan suddenly hissed from the boy’s dormitory.

“Sorry!” Both Vernon and Sophia replied, rosy-cheeked.

“I promise I’ll find someone nice. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Vernon replied, accepting the quill she was giving back to him.

As soon as she left, he got back to work.

“You’re such an idiot,” you told Seungkwan, your friend who had stuffed five slices of toast into his mouth on a dare from his other friend, Chan. “You’re going to choke.”

“Bo if ot!” he spoke through the bread, which you correctly translated as “no, I’m not”. You drummed your fingers against the wooden table as your fellow Gryffindors cheered Seungkwan on. As he was shoving a sixth slice of toast in, someone tapped your shoulder. You turned around to see Sophia Chwe from Slytherin, only a few inches shorter than you, looking up expectantly.

“Hi, Sophia,” you said. “What’s up?” You knew Sophia because of her brother Vernon, who just so happened to be Seungkwan’s best friend. The two of them were rarely ever seen apart. You had spoken to Vernon on a few occasions, but the two of you couldn’t really be classified as friend yet. Acquaintances seemed to be a better term for your relationship.

Sophia rolled her eyes, “It’s my brother. He’s horrible at time management and my parent’s have asked me to find someone to help him keep a good studying schedule. I thought of you, since you helped me fix my timetables earlier this year. If you don’t want to do it, I get it, but it would be a really big help to him if you could.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. There was nothing else to do at Hogwarts, so you might as well spend more time helping someone. As a pureblood, you had already experienced a lot of the wonder of the wizarding world. It was so normalized for you that Hogwarts seemed like a boring old castle filled with nothing but annoying students and unfair homework assignments. The faster you could get out, the better. Then, you could set off to try and become an auror, and do something exciting with your life. What could be more exciting than catching evil wizards? As boring as tutoring seemed, it might help the year go by quicker. It might get you closer to your goal in a quicker amount of time. “I’ll do it. Just give me a time and place.”

“Oh, the two of you can work that out. I don’t know a sixth year’s schedule.” With that, she turned away to catch up with her own friends, all waiting for her to return before they started their meal. You turned back to your own house, filled with shouting students and Seungkwan, who had just spat out every piece of toast he had shoved into his mouth.

“Count them!” Chan shouted. Every Gryffindor waited for the result. Apparently, Seungcheol from seventh year had been able to fit eight slices into his mouth. According to the sixth years, there was no way they were going to be outranked when it came to eating games. So, however reluctantly, you watched as Seungkwan began to count each slice of toast. Cheers erupted through the hall as he counted out ten whole slices, and you found yourself clapping and cheering along.

Vernon walked in then, his hair messy and his head down as he struggled to tie his tie and walk at the same time. He was always like that, you noticed. His glazed-eyes and the bags beneath them were evidence enough to show that he never got enough sleep. That, and his mismatched outfits. There was always something wrong with his clothing, whether it be misaligned buttons, an upturned collar, or an untucked shirt. Sometimes, he forgot his cloak altogether. During those times, he could be seen around the castle, darting towards the dungeons with the speed of a cheetah. Although it was humorous to watch him walk around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, you knew that his parents were right. It would be so much easier for him if he just managed his time properly.

He finally fixed his tie, and walked over to Seungkwan with a relaxed smile on his face. You could hear them talking and laughing about the intense challenge that Vernon had unfortunately missed. At the sound of your name, you were drawn into the conversation. “Y/n told me I was stupid for trying it.”

Vernon seemed to just notice you for the first time, and his hand immediately went to his rustled locks in an attempt to calm them. “Don’t you have faith in Seungkwan?”

“No,” you snorted.

“None at all?” Seungkwan asked, offended.

“None,” you confirmed cheekily before turning to Vernon. “By the way, your sister asked me to help with your time management? When’s a good time to get together and create some schedules?”

Out of all the people his sister could’ve picked, it had to be the one girl in the entire castle that Vernon had a crush on. It was bad enough that he was always sleep-deprived, with you in front of him there was no way for him to concentrate on anything. Not when his mind was reeling to find topics to talk to you about. He averted his eyes to the table. “Oh. I guess I’m free after dinner tonight.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Don’t you have any free periods earlier than that?”

“I don’t.” The lie slipped off of Vernon’s tongue like honey. Sure, his parent could get him help, but that didn’t mean he was going to listen to you. It definitely didn’t mean he was going to skip his daily activities and adventures just to make up schedules that he didn’t need. Yes, he had a crush on you, but that didn’t mean you had any power over him whatsoever. He wasn’t going to succumb to the holds of something so systematic as time.

“I don’t believe you, but I’ll accept your answer. Meet me in the library at eight o'clock. No later than that, okay?”

“Okay,” Vernon said.

You tapped your fingers against the library table. Your anxious habits only increased as the minutes ticked on. It seemed Vernon had forgotten about your little meeting, or better yet chose not to come at all. Although you understood that he might not want to come, you didn’t expect him to blow you off completely. He could at least have the respect to cancel so you weren’t left looking pathetic in the corner table of the library. Having waited for an hour, you gathered all your completed homework and began to leave the library. It would be closing in a few minutes anyway. Curfew was soon and you needed to return to your common room before a prefect started asking what you were up to.

On your way up the stairs, you could hear footsteps from somewhere below. You and the few other students still hanging around all looked around as Vernon’s voice suddenly shouted, “Y/n! Wait!”

Vernon was in front of you quickly. So quickly, in fact, that he almost ran into you from the full momentum. “I’m so sorry!” His arms waved around frantically as he struggled to explain himself, “Seungkwan and I were looking for a secret passageway and we lost track of time. I promise I wasn’t standing you up.”

He looked so genuinely worried about your reaction that you couldn’t help but believe him. “Well we have an hour until ten, if you still want to work out a schedule.”

Vernon sighed in relief. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go to the Great Hall.”

You agreed, thankful that he hadn’t stood you up.

In the Great Hall was another Slytherin who Vernon greeted as Jeonghan. The older student frowned at the two of you, “How long are you two planning on staying here?”

“Just ‘til curfew,” Vernon answered.

“Alright.” Jeonghan slipped into the headmaster’s seat and slouched against the armrest. “Wake me when it’s curfew.”

Vernon snorted, “You’re the worst head boy in the world.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I didn’t choose this position. Now try to keep it down.”

You giggled quietly, finding the older boy charming in a lazy sort of way. His calm voice was enough to make you want to pull up a chair beside him and sleep your duties away, but you persisted. Instead, you turned to Vernon, “Let me see your schedule.”

“'Kay,” he turned and shuffled through his bag before finally pulling out a crumbled up piece of parchment. “It’s similar to yours, I bet.”

You hummed, unwrinkling the paper until it was readable and scanning it. “Yes… it’s similar. You don’t have any extra activities besides quidditch, so you have plenty of free time to do homework. How much have you done today?”

“Today?” Vernon rose his eyebrow, “Well, none, but before you yell at me, you should know that my best studying time is between midnight and three in the morning.”

“Is it?” You narrowed your eyes at him, “or is that what you want everyone to think?”

“Seriously,” Vernon insisted, “I can never concentrate before those times.”

“Have you ever tried?”

Vernon was silent for a moment. Then, his cheeks slightly rosier than before, he answered. “Honestly, no. But there’s so much to do!” he protested. “I’ve got to play quidditch with the boys, explore the castle with Seungkwan, visit the kitchen with Mingyu, and all this other stuff.”

“Doesn’t that get boring?” you wondered aloud. “Doing the same thing every day?”

“Who said I was doing the same thing every day?” Vernon asked. “Y/n, do you know how big this castle is? Do you know how long it takes to explore? Do you know how many different foods house elves can make? Have you ever asked them to teach you? Have you ever played a wicked game of quidditch with twelve other boys in the middle of the night with silencing charms above your head? Every day is more fun and more laughter; why would I waste all that time studying?” His smile reached all the way to his eyes, and you could see the genuine spark of pride that slipped in between his dark irises as he explained his daily endeavors. You almost believed him.

“You seriously like this place?” you asked.

Vernon furrowed his eyebrows, and an insulted pout formed at his bottom lip. “Excuse you, this place is one of the greatest places on earth. Why don’t you like it?”

“It’s boring,” you said, “I’ve been to castles before, and wizard homes. To me they’re all the same. I guess magic doesn’t seem very magical anymore. The only thing it’s good for is convenience. I mean, if muggles knew about us, I think they’d stop thinking fantasy is such an interesting genre.”

Vernon scoffed. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Have you ever seen a dragon? If that’s boring to you, then what’s exciting, Y/n? What’s more exciting than a thirty foot tall lizard that shoots fire out of its nose? Humor me.”

“No need to get defensive,” you said, “It’s just a difference of opinion.”

“Oh no, a different of opinion is me liking strawberry ice cream and you liking chocolate. How can you say Hogwarts isn’t magical?”

The poor boy looked ready to cry, and you felt the urge to reach out and pat his shoulder, hug him, anything really that would keep him from getting upset. “I’m sorry. I guess I’ve gotten a bit insensitive to it. Let’s just figure out this schedule and get to bed before we begin another argument.”

Before you could pick up a quill, Vernon had snatched his schedule up and stuffed it in the bottom of his bag. “No way, Miss stick-in-the-mud. We have to figure this magic thing out first. Let’s make a bet. Gryffindors like bets, don’t they?”

You looked at him skeptically, “I guess?”

“Great, so I bet that I can get you to find the magic in magic again. If I win, I don’t have to do this stupid schedule with you. If you win, I’ll stick with the schedule you give me no matter what.”

You couldn’t refuse that offer. “What’s the time limit?”

“One month. Christmas break can mark the end date.”

“Fine. You’ve got yourself a bet, Chwe. When do we start?”

“Tomorrow,” he answered confidently. “Let’s meet in the kitchen at midnight.”

Although you found nothing inherently exciting about kitchens, Vernon seemed ecstatic, so you agreed.

Most of your friends would’ve guessed you’d be in Ravenclaw. You lived a very orderly life, and just weren’t very daring or spontaneous in general. Perhaps it was chivalry that got you into Gryffindor, or perhaps your loyalty to friends. It definitely wasn’t your adhesion to rules. You were one of the best rule-abiding students in the school. Gryffindor’s head boy, Seungcheol, loved you for this reason. It’s also the reason he was so confused when he caught you sneaking out of the common room at midnight. “Y/n? What are you doing up?”

Seungcheol was a wild card, and while he sometimes let students get away with things, you couldn’t count on him to be lenient all of the time. The best thing to do was lie with enough of a sob story that he’d pity you and let you go. That was what you had heard anyway, having never actually tried it yourself. You weren’t sure why you were abandoning reason and the comfort of your warm bed just to meet up with Vernon, whose idea of fun was to visit a kitchen in the middle of the night. You had no idea how that concluded to anything magical, since you had watched muggle television shows and knew for a fact that every teenager went to their kitchen in the middle of the night. Then again, maybe Vernon was unaware of that fact. You were glad you had opted out of wearing your uniform, since the story you were about to feed to Seungcheol would be more believable told in pajamas. “I’ve been studying all night and could really use some nourishment. I was going to the kitchen for a sandwich.”

Seungcheol pursed his lips in mock-thought, and you could see his eyes softening as he looked at your tired features. “All right, go. Be careful and don’t get caught, okay?”

You saluted, “Thanks, Cheolie.”

He waved you off. “Come back quickly.”

In all your nervousness at Seungcheol’s reaction, you realized you had forgotten to ask where the kitchen was, let alone how to get in. After wracking your brain, you remembered something about it being near the Hufflepuff common room. That would be where all the food-lover jokes originated from.

By the time you got to the Hufflepuff common room, you were lost again. There were the familiar barrels stacked against the wall, and you didn’t dare go near them in fear of being doused with vinegar. Instead, you paced back and forth in the corridor, hoping with all your heart that Hufflepuff’s head boy and girl had already finished their rounds for the night. You hugged the hunter green jacket you were wearing closer to your body, in the hopes of preserving some kind of warmth. You had forgotten how cold the castle could get when there were no fireplaces around. Instead, you huddled under one of the few torches heating up the hall, hoping to gain what little heat it let off.

“Y/n!” a voice suddenly hissed, “Over here!” It was Vernon, standing at the end of the hallway. He was hidden in the shadows, his hand over a large portrait of fruit.

You walked closer to him and furrowed your eyebrows. “What are we doing out here? Where’s the kitchen?”

Vernon ruffled his hair nervously, “Ah, well I remembered that I had forgotten to give you directions, so I’ve been waiting outside of the kitchen. It’s right here, see?”

You looked around. “I don’t see any doors.”

“That’s because you aren’t looking deeply enough,” Vernon concluded. “In a magical castle, do you assume every entrance is marked by a door?”

“Yes. That’s what entrances are, Vernon.”

The slytherin tutted, shaking his head from side to side like a disappointed mother. “You have so much to learn. Lesson one: everything is not as it seems. Watch closely.”

As you watched, Vernon reached up on his toes, his fingers grazing over the pear in the fruit portrait. Suddenly, the pear let out a shrieking giggle and a handle appeared on the side of the frame. Your jaw dropped at what had just happened, but you quickly shut your mouth when Vernon turned around, not willing to give him any satisfaction. “Cool right?”

You shrugged indifferently. “I guess. In the end tho, it’s still just a door.”

Vernon held the door open for you, a scowl over his lips at your answer. “You’re impossible. C'mon, we’ve got a lot to do before sunrise.”

“Sunrise?” you balked, swiveling on your heel to face him. “How long are we going to be here?”

Vernon only shrugged, a small smile lifting the corners of his lips.

You ignored him and walked into the kitchen. You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped you. It was perhaps the largest kitchen you had ever seen in your life. Rows and rows of countertops lined the room, with nearly a dozen stools propped up on each. Upon these stools we’re house elves of different shapes and sizes, each wearing a dishcloth with the Hogwarts symbol embedded across the breast. Each table seemed to represent something. For instance, the one closest to you seemed to be collectively stirring a giant pot of porridge, which you were sure would be eaten tomorrow morning. Others each made hundreds of servings for breakfast the next morning, and you were amazed to see the work that went into the food that always just appeared in front of you.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” Vernon asked from beside you. In the light of the kitchen, you could see him better. He looked comfortable in slippers, flannel pajama pants, and an oversized maroon hoodie. His hair seemed damp, as if he had just recently taken his shower, and the ends curled ever so slightly under his ears.

Feeling your gaze, he turned to look at you. His positive features were nearly shining as he searched for some kind of answer in your eyes. Hesitantly, his gaze trailed down your body and his smile widened considerably. “You’re wearing my colors.”

“Huh?” You looked down at your t-shirt. “White is your color?”

“No!” Vernon reached out and tugged on the drawstrings of your jacket. “Green for Slytherins.”

Your face heated up as his fingers drew closer to your neck. You finally pushed him away, “Yeah, well you’re wearing my colors. Your hoodie is red.”

Vernon bit his lip excitedly, “I have an idea for tomorrow, but let’s do what we came to do here first, before I reveal it.”

“What did we come here to do?” you asked.

“We, my dear friend, are going to make Joshua a cake!”

“Who’s Joshua?”

Vernon began walking to one of the empty counters as he answered you, “He’s a Hufflepuff. His birthday is soon and we’re celebrating it early since it falls during Christmas break.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “Isn’t there one baker in your giant group of friends that can do it?”

Vernon thought for a moment. “Well, Mingyu is great at cooking so he’s going to sneak in here tomorrow to cook Joshua’s favorite food. He won’t have time to make a cake as well. To help him, I volunteered to bake the cake. Everyone agreed so long as I recruited help.”

“So you recruited someone who has never baked a cake in her life.” you deadpanned.

“Well, dang, it would’ve been nice of you to tell me that before. What teenager has never baked a cake? Like, don’t you ever get the random craving for something sweet?”

“Sometimes,” you supposed, “but I’m fine after a lollipop or something small like a strip of taffy.”

Vernon sighed dejectedly and leaned against the counter, burying his head in his arms. “Why are you so boring? Aren’t Gryffindors supposed to live outside of the box? Aren’t they supposed to be daring and fun and the leaders of the rebellions?”

“I dunno. I don’t know why the hat told me Gryffindor, it just did. I know I’m not daring, but you don’t have to act like it’s a bad thing.”

Vernon pondered your words for a moment. “It’s not a bad thing, it’s just that I seem to remember a certain first year getting detention for sneaking out of the castle. You don’t have that same spirit anymore, do you?”

You blushed and looked away. “That was a long time ago. I don’t really have the same mindset I did when I was twelve years old.”

“So?” he urged, “Where did that mindset go?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I grew up. I know all about magical stuff. Nothing is new to me anymore and nothing is exciting.”

Vernon shoved your shoulder with his own. “Don’t lie to me. I saw your face when you walked in here. You think this is cool.”

“I guess,” you admitted. “Look, Vernon, I don’t have anything against Hogwarts, okay? I’m not sad or depressed either. I just… don’t find magic very interesting. You don’t have to act like I’m a troubled case or something.”

Vernon smirked. “I’m not. I want you to find that mindset again, though. You’ll get it back during our bet. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried,” you rolled your eyes sardonically. “You won’t win the bet because I don’t find anything interesting.”

Vernon let you play out your little lie. Even though you knew exactly what state of wonder he was talking about, for you had never known that there was a hidden kitchen in the castle. Especially not one filled with cute little house elves and a warm fireplace.

“So I’m thinking four layers chocolate cake will do,” Vernon explained to you as a few house elves brought in the ingredients to make a cake from scratch.

After the two of you thanked them for their help, you replied, “Aren’t four layers too much? How many of you are there?”

“Thirteen.”

“Thirteen? That’s a lot, but it’s not enough for four layers.”

Vernon side-eyed you with a playful smirk, “Clearly, you’ve never seen thirteen teenage boys when they’re starving.”

“Whatever,” you said, “What do we do first?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either, Vernon.”

The two of you stared at the ingredients for a long time before you finally said what both of you were thinking, “Should we ask one of the house elves to help us?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Vernon ran off to find a house elf that wasn’t working.

The house elf, named Inky, was very helpful. She basically baked the entire cake herself, only trusting the two of you to mix the icing ingredients. Once the cake was in the oven, Vernon led you over to the fireplace. There, the two of you could warm yourselves up while you waited for the cake to bake. He decided this was the time to tell you his plan. “Let’s switch houses tomorrow.”

“What?” Your voice was layered in confusion. “What does that even mean?”

“Seungkwan and I do it all the time,” Vernon explained as he situated his legs into a criss-cross position. “We switch uniforms and go to each other’s classes. It’s fun because we get to see what each other do every day.”

“But…” You weren’t exactly sure how to explain to Vernon how apprehensive that idea made you. To be honest, everyone knew Vernon could be a bit ditzy sometimes, and it was a miracle if he managed to ever write notes in class. That was fine for him, who studied without notes. You, however, relied on notes like oxygen. They were the only things that helped you remember the material. Without them, you were sure you’d get bad rankings. You weren’t sure you trusted Vernon to write notes for you, “Won’t the teachers get angry?”

Vernon waved your concern away, “They never notice. If they do, they don’t care. If they ever start caring for some reason, the worst we’ll get is detention.”

You sighed. “I don’t like this idea.”

“Please?” Vernon stuck out his lower lip and grabbed your hands, hoping to guilt you into going through with his plan. “I promise I’ll write notes for you. I have to write them for Seungkwan every time we play this game.”

“You promise you’ll write me good notes?”

Vernon smiled brightly. “Yes!”

“Fine. It’s a deal, then.”

Seungkwan brought you Vernon’s robes and tie the next morning, stating that Vernon would be wearing his since yours were probably too small for him. As you pulled the emerald-embossed robes over your head, you couldn’t help but notice how nice they smelt. It was as if Vernon was always carrying around cinnamon and vanilla, for he smelt warmer than a comfortable little bakery.

It felt weird wearing his clothes. It felt even weirder walking over to the Slytherin table instead of Gryffindor, where you usually sat. Jeonghan was there, a familiar face in a sea of green. You hastily sat beside him. “Hello. Can I sit here?”

Jeonghan grinned, “Are you and Vernon playing that weird switch game he likes or did you put on his tie by accident?”

From the tone of his voice, you knew what he was insinuating, and the thought made you blush. “Don’t assume things like that. We’re playing the switching game.”

Jeonghan shrugged, as if it was all the same (either that or he had stopped listening), and took a sip of his coffee. “I didn’t know the two of you were even friends. I knew Vernon liked you, but I thought he was just crushing on someone he couldn’t have.”

“What? Vernon likes me?” Your voice rose an octave at the absurd idea of Vernon Chwe having a crush on you. “Are we talking about the same Vernon?”

“Totally,” Jeonghan answered. “He’s thought you were the cutest thing since your first year with you sneaking around and getting into trouble with your friends.”

You frowned. “We have a bet going. He thinks I’ve lost my sense of magic and I agree. He’s trying to get it back and I’m telling him it’s a lost cause, because I don’t care anymore. Do you think he only wants it back because that’s the part of me he liked? Do you think he’s trying to get that part of me working again so he can like the person he liked a few years ago?”

Jeonghan paused in his actions, his head swiveling around to look at Vernon. You turned too, only to see him look at you and hastily away, ears red at being caught. Jeonghan finally shook his head. “No. Vernon isn’t selfish like that. I don’t know why he made the bet with you, but it definitely isn’t what you’re thinking.”

“Oh.” You nodded. Even if that wasn’t the reason, it felt weird knowing that Vernon had a crush on you. It made you hyper-aware of everything. Why would he have a crush on you? You weren’t anything special. Out of all the students in Hogwarts, there had to be a reason Vernon chose you. Yet, you couldn’t think of any. With a sigh, you gathered your things for Vernon’s first class of the day. “See you at lunch, Jeonghan.”

You learned quickly that Slytherins had to work twice as hard to be noticed as the other houses did. Perhaps it was house pride, but you suspected it was more house prejudice and how much Slytherin had to do with the Second Wizarding War. It didn’t matter how many times you rose your hand, if a Hufflepuff rose theirs as well, you weren’t going to be noticed at all. Save for Professor Longbottom, who gave each house an equal chance to answer questions, most of the professors favored the house they used to be in. Professor Zabini was the only Slytherin professor currently, and he was the flying instructor, so Slytherins never got favoritism from him unless they were first years. You definitely weren’t used to it. After years of constantly being called on, seeing a Slytherin’s perspective was a bit jarring.

You took notes for Vernon, unsure if he would use them or not. He had most of the same classes you did, save a few electives. You were amazed that he had chosen Ancient Runes and Arithmancy, for they were two harder classes you didn’t dare choose. It was funny to think of Vernon in your electives: Care of Magical Creatures and Divination. Yours were rather… easy classes. However, his were practically torture. Note-taking was almost useless as you had no idea what you were writing down. You had no idea what had happened in previous lessons, or what the premise for the professor’s inside jokes were.

By dinner time, when Vernon and you had agreed to switch back, you were mentally exhausted. The electives alone were so engaging that it was no wonder Vernon hated going right back to homework after finishing them. You didn’t want to either. Going back to the kitchen sounded like a better and more fun option. With a visible shudder, you realized Vernon was starting to rub off on you.

Vernon ran up to where you sat eating, with a large grin plastered over his face. “Y/n! Your classes are so much fun! I completely forgot Hagrid did Care of Magical Creatures and now I feel like I want to switch electives.”

You looked at him strangely, “How do you know Hagrid?”

“I have tea with him all the time. Tons of students do it, didn’t you know?”

“Really? He’s invited me for tea before but I thought he was just joking.”

“No!” Vernon slid in the seat beside you and took a sip of the pumpkin juice that appeared before him. “Hagrid loves visitors. He’ll tell you cool stories too. Did you know he knows Harry Potter? Like, the real Harry Potter?”

Seeing Vernon so excited elicited a giggle from you. “No, I didn’t.”

“We’ve got to have tea with him someday. It’s one of my favorite things to do around here.”

“Okay,” you agreed.

Vernon pumped his fist in the air victoriously. “Great! Oh, before I forgot, here are your notes.” He passed you three slips of parchment, each covered front to back with neat handwriting.

You scanned them, feeling your heart warm at how hard Vernon must’ve concentrated to write all these notes for you. Your brain felt fuzzy at how much he must’ve cared to do that for you. What Jeonghan told you during breakfast came to your mind once more. It was a bit easier to believe that Vernon wasn’t doing this to change you when he did nice things like this. “Thanks, Vernon.”

“Well, I know you like all that organized stuff. I tried to write an outline but you can see where I gave up and just copied everything the teacher said.”

“You wrote everything very quickly then,” you complimented.

Vernon blushed, “Well, I may have used an enchanted quill under the table. It’s the thought that counts though!”

“You’re impossible.”

“No wonder you think Hogwarts is boring,” Vernon said the next weekend as the two of you walked towards the quidditch pitch. “You’ve never seen a quidditch game.”

“I have!” you argued. “I watched them in my first and second year before I got bored.”

Vernon sighed as he checked his wrist straps. “Honestly, I think we’re more alike than you think, except we’re reversed.”

“How so?”

“Well, you get bored of after-school activities, so you throw yourself in your schoolwork. I get bored of schoolwork, so I throw myself into playing around after school and ignoring my homework.”

“Huh.” You stopped. “I guess you’re right. So you’ve gotta learn how to open up to schoolwork and I’ve got to learn how to open up to people and having fun.”

“Exactly,” Vernon said. His fellow beater, Minghao, called him over just then and he had to go get ready for the game, which you promised him you’d watch.

As you watched him leave, things seemed to fall into place in your mind. You were wrong. Vernon had never wanted to change you into a different person, he just wanted to show you the things that gave him his spirit. It was all the same, because you wanted to show him how interesting learning could be. How it could eventually help him find a dream career or simply know more about the world. It was as if the two of you were puzzle pieces, trying to fit by trading interests and ideas. Vernon was showing you pieces of his world and in return you were showing him pieces of yours. Each day the two of you were spending together was another day to get closer to understanding the world the other was living in.

With a smile, you walked into the stands to settle beside Seungkwan and the rest of Vernon’s support team. Vernon’s world was becoming more comfortable to you, and you were becoming more aware of the fact that once the bet was done, you would no longer be in it as often.

You desperately hoped you were wrong, because you didn’t think you could leave whatever bond you had with Vernon.

The week before Christmas break, students third year and above were allowed to go to Hogsmeade and buy presents or hang out together. Surprisingly, Vernon had asked you to come with him while he bought a present for Sophia. You had agreed, a bit apprehensive because of the cheeky grin plastered all over his face.

Now you were absolutely regretting your position because Vernon had led you past all the shops in Hogsmeade to an old rickety gate held closed by a lock. His gaze was on the tall house in the distance behind the gate. Your gaze was on him, “The Shrieking Shack? Are you serious?”

“Totally,” Vernon, who had lied about shopping for his sister, answered. “It’s haunted. Werewolves used to transform in there, I heard. I’ve wanted to go exploring for years but Seungkwan hates scary places so he would never agree.”

“What makes you think I’m going to agree?” you asked, eyeing the boy like he was crazy.

He pouted slightly, “C'mon Y/n, please? You can hold my hand if it gets too scary.”

You scoffed. “It won’t get scary. Nothing is in there.”

“If you’re going to be cocky about it, you can go first,” Vernon said. Over the weeks you two had spent together, Vernon had learned that you definitely possessed Gryffindor traits. Stubbornness was one, and the other was not being able to back down from a challenge. He knew that putting you on the spot would guarantee a ready response from you.

“Fine,” you replied, crinkling your nose at his dare. “Let’s go.”

Before Vernon could reply, you had already latched onto the rickety gate and began to climb it. You stopped at the top, one leg on either side of the gate. “Are you coming?”

Vernon licked his lips nervously and looked around. “Yeah, just give me a minute.”

You snickered as Vernon hastily climbed the gate and walked closer to you than necessary. “Just remember you can hold my hand if it gets too scary,” you teased him.

Vernon glared at you as he drew the sleeves of his favorite red hoodie over his fingers. “I’m just nervous is all.”

“You didn’t think I’d agree, did you?”

“No.”

“Well, as long as we’re being honest, I kinda feel like I’m going to pee my pants right now.”

“Seriously?” Vernon chuckled. “Then why are we doing this?”

You shrugged, “It’s more fun than watching couples snog in the Three Broomsticks. Maybe we’ll find a real ghost in there.”

“Don’t say that,” Vernon warned as the two of you neared the back door of the shack. “They might sense us the more you mention them.”

“Why are we so scared? There are ghosts in Hogwarts.”

“Nice ones,” Vernon retorted. “What if there are mean ones in the shack?”

The two of you stared at the closed door. You spoke up first, “You’re the man. Open it.”

Vernon shook his head, “I refuse to conform to your gender stereotypes. You open it.”

You sighed and hesitantly turned the knob. Throwing the door open, you backed up into Vernon, afraid of something jumping out.

Vernon steadied you, and you could feel his breath against your ear and the vibration against your back as he chuckled.

Cheeks burning, you jumped away from him. “Sorry. L-Let’s go.”

As nothing will give two teenagers bravery like avoiding their feelings, you and Vernon both found the shack less scary inside. Refusing to look each other in the eye, the two of you agreed to separate and explore the shack that way. Once alone, however, you realized this was a stupid decision. Yes, you didn’t want to face Vernon after he had unknowingly made your heart beat out of it’s chest, but that didn’t mean you’d rather be attacked by a ghost alone. Besides, this isn’t the first time Vernon had stirred your feelings. Why were the two of you overreacting now?

“Vernon?” you called out in a whisper.

“Y/n?” Vernon asked loudly, fear in his voice. “The ghost just said my name!”

You covered your mouth with your hand to suppress your giggles. Did Vernon genuinely think your whispering was the ghost? If so, this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. “Y/n can’t answer you now, for I have trapped her upstairs. You’re next, Vernon.”

Vernon let out a shaky breath, “What? What’s going to happen to us?”

“Something you can’t even imagine,” you replied in a croaky voice. You could see Vernon’s back facing you now, so you silently crept up behind him and looked over his shoulder as he looked for the “ghost”. “Hey, Vernon.”

He screamed… loudly. Clutching his heart, he fell to the floor. You fell to the floor as well, overcome with giggles at how well your trick had gone over.

“Y/n!” Vernon whined. “How could you scare me like that? I trusted you!”

“Sorry!” you snorted, clutching your stomach. “It was too funny.”

Vernon shook his head and smiled fondly at you, “You’re despicable. Let’s get out of here before a real ghost comes for us.”

He stood up first, offering his hand. You accepted it. “Agreed.”

Neither of you seemed to notice that as you left the shack, your hands were still intertwined.

A day before you and Vernon went to your homes for Christmas break, and the bet ended, the two of you went to visit Hagrid for tea, at Vernon’s insistence.

Hagrid was your Care of Magical Creatures teacher, and one of your favorite professors. You didn’t know him on a personal level though, so you had no idea what his hut looked like on the inside. You were rather surprised to see a crowded home with raw meat hanging from the ceiling and a drooling dog in the corner, nibbling on a saucer.

“That’s Sphinx,” Vernon informed you, pointing to the dog.

When Hagrid entered, you sidled closer to Vernon. He looked a lot taller and intimidating in the small home. That all faded away as he let out a smile, “If it isn’t Vernon!” He turned to you, “Y/n, from my class! Haven’t seen you before, ‘ave I?”

“No, Sir,” you replied. “Vernon told me I should come see you, though.”

“Finally dating, aye?” Hagrid said. Then, he noticed Vernon frantically shaking his head, so he retracted his statement, “I didn’t mean that, of course. I meant dating as in time periods. That’s what you kids are doing nowadays, right?”

Vernon hid his face in his hands.

You giggled, “Not yet, Hagrid.”

Vernon looked up then, his ears tinted red at the confidence in your voice. He cleared his throat suddenly and turned to Hagrid. “Right then. Tea?”

Hagrid served the two of you freshly brewed tea with scones that were harder than rocks. “Never learned how to soften ‘em,” he said, tossing the leftovers to Sphinx who used them as chew toys. Laughter was traded around, and you realized that Hagrid was actually very friendly and assuring, despite his rough appearance. You could see why so many students liked him. Vernon thought very highly of him; you could see it in the way his eyes shone with admiration for the professor.

You were happy that you had went with Vernon, and you were rather sad when the clock struck six o'clock and it was time to go to dinner. “Can I come visit you again, Hagrid?”

“Course!” Hagrid’s smile reached up to his beetle eyes. “Maybe bring some proper biscuits, though. I would hate to starve you.”

You laughed. “I’m afraid I can’t bake any better than you, but I’ll try to bribe someone into making them for us.”

Hagrid wished the two of you goodbye. The walk up to Hogwarts was silent. In fact, you realized, Vernon had been abnormally quiet since your little dating comment. “Are you okay, Vernon?”

He stopped in his spot, his feet instantly shuffling in their place as he struggled to bring up what was bothering him. Finally, he ushered you over to the side of the yard for privacy. “What did you mean when you told Hagrid not yet?”

“I meant that we aren’t dating yet,” you answered.

Vernon nodded, “But did you mean that you wanted us to date, or was it just a passing comment? Because “not yet” usually implies that it will happen eventually, so that would mean you want it to happen eventually, right?“

You reached for Vernon’s hand and squeezed it gently. “Calm down, would you? I want to date you, Vernon. That’s all I meant.”

“Oh,” Vernon suddenly got shy. “Then, can I kiss you? Just to seal the deal?”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

Vernon looked nervous as he hesitantly cupped your face and leaned in. His nose bumped against yours, and he chuckled nervously before capturing your lips with his own. You clutched the fabric of his ever-present hoodie and pulled his body closer to you. His lips were so warm, so soft and velvety that you found yourself reluctant to pull away. Especially when his breaths turned into soft sighs against your mouth, making you subconsciously crave more. You pulled away slowly, “We’re going to get caught if we don’t stop.”

He rolled his eyes at your comment, a fond smirk already forming as he grabbed your hand.

The two of you walked into the castle together, and he took the moment to lean in and peck your cheek, “It’d be so worth it, though.”

“Vernon!”

~the end~

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writerofblocks · 6 years

Text

It’s a Process

[Note: This is an original work I submitted as part of a creative writing class. it’s kind of long, so I put it under a cut. I hope you enjoy.]

Two thousand words. How is anyone supposed to write a story that long? I mean, I know it’s technically possible; this definitely isn’t the first time this teacher has given out this assignment to a class, and it certainly won’t be the last. Page count wise, that’s like… ten, isn’t? That’s not much. Or at least it shouldn’t seem like as much as it does. The last story I wrote was 500 words- if you can even call something of that length a story- and it still felt like a stretch at the time.

At least it’s only a first draft. First drafts are allowed to be flaming garbage piles. And given that it’s due tonight and I only remembered its existence about thirty minutes ago, it’s a safe bet that this draft’s more likely to be a flaming garbage pile than not. Resisting the temptation to throw it all out and make it perfect is going to be a challenge. It’d feel better to wipe the slate clean than try to fix something that’s broken and worthless.

Wait. Stop. Thinking like that isn’t going to help.

What am I supposed to write about, anyway? The teacher said we could write about anything (within reason), but where am I supposed to go with that? Not sci-fi, I know that much. The amount of words I’d need for world-building would take up all the space given. I could write an elaborate fanfiction and disguise it by changing the names, but that just seems tacky. Besides, I already did it once this semester. Never again.

…Too hungry to think further. I need food.

The cafeteria’s a bearable enough place. At least there are a few staples I can get by on if the daily rotation of meals doesn’t work out in my favor. Though pizza every day has gotten pretty boring after a while. Maybe it’s the depression talking, but everything just tastes bland when it comes out of a buffet trough. Hot sauce would be a good way to go to fix that, if anything spicier than pico de gallo didn’t disagree with me. I still don’t know how people can willingly subject themselves to oral torture via condiments, let alone get into contests over who can eat the spiciest pepper in existence. What was it my friend said? Something about how some people are nontasters and need stronger spices to actually feel something and some people are supertasters where everything is intense. Dang, I need to look that up sometime. I wonder if the ratio of supertasters to nontasters or vice versa is linked to specific regions of the world? Would explain why some cultures enjoy spicier food while some can’t stand anything stronger than salt.

There are burritos today. A small blessing.

Write your story. Stop watching that video on your phone, pull out your notebook, and write your story. You’ll feel much better with it done, but you need to actually write the story. You’ve already watched this video ten times already, you know it by heart, why are you watching it over and over again when you have other things you’ve been meaning to get to? Put it away on the count of three. One, two, three. I said, one, two, three four five- damnit.

“We now bring to you on the Inner Brain Radio “Mambo. No 5”, but only the first measure. This will be on repeat for the next three hours.”

Excellent. Hey, can I request something different? Like, maybe some silence, or some thoughts on how I’m actually going to finish this freaking story?

“Sorry, we don’t take requests.”

That’s what I figured.

Damn, this burrito is hot. Why are all the burritos from the cafeteria burning hot? The rice is always overcooked, too. Tasteless. Feels like chewing on actual rice grains instead of, you know, cooked rice. At least it fills me up- won’t have to break my writing stride to get a snack, if it comes to that. And it always comes to that.

…Noise.

Too much noise. Mouths chewing with wet and obscene sounds. Conversations I can’t piece together but try to anyway. What if they’re talking about me?

I can’t tell whether they’re laughing or crying.

Need to move. No more people. I’m tired after two classes, how am I supposed to work in the real world? How am I supposed to do anything worthwhile? How am I supposed to grow and be an adult? I don’t feel like an adult. I stopped changing at sixteen and I’ve been stuck in this worthless rotten excuse of a body ever since.

Stand up. Stand up! Prickling in my muscles, everything’s too loud. Beep boop, out of people juice again. Where can I get more? People juice machine broke. Why am I thinking in memes at a time like this, I need to pack up my bag and go.

Out of the cafeteria, into the fall air. I don’t need to think about the path I’m taking. I may not be able to remember meetings, due dates, birthdays, names, anything short-term memory related, or anything that makes me viable and valid as a human adult worth caring about, but by God do I still have my muscle memory! Wondrous miracles!

What should I listen to on the walk home? Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to listen to this album. It’d be good to listen to something new. Or, I could listen to the same set of songs I’ve been listening to on repeat for weeks now because that’s what’s comfortable to me.

Yeah. Let’s go with that.

It’s getting windier by the minute. I left my good jacket in my bedroom closet- didn’t think I’d need it today. I need to make it a habit to check the weather before I go out, I can’t keep going out under prepared like this-

What on earth is that squirrel doing?

…God damnit. Did it again. I’m just a walking stereotype at this point. I really hate that joke about people with ADHD and squirrels, but it’s true. Maybe that’s why I hate it so much.

I did take my pills today, didn’t I? The section for today is empty, so I must have. Good. I’ve gotten better about doing that.

Walk faster towards home, bow my head against the galeforce winds. It’s not galeforce, I’m exaggerating, but it’s damn windy is what it is. I’m swimming upstream, I’m a carp trying to jump a waterfall. I’m Sisyphus up a hill made out of air. I’m an adventurer on a solemn quest, I’m a badass with somewhere to be, I’m making up things that I am because the walk home is boring and I’d rather be at home under my duvet instead of be out here freezing my everything off.

Finally home. My room’s at the top of three sets of stairs. I’m the crazy lady in the attic. Stick me up here, forget about me. Or it could be that it’s smaller so they make the single rooms out of the space they have. Self reminder- finish reading “The Yellow Wallpaper”.

When I take off my shoes, I need to place them in the shoe caddy. If I do so, it will be easier to find them and they won’t be a trip hazard. Everyone wins.

I didn’t place them in the shoe caddy. Figures.

Set your bag down, pull your laptop and notebook out. This whole day will be a waste if I don’t get something down at least. Sit on your bed and make yourself comfortable. I’m not going anywhere for the next however-long-it-takes, and the desk chairs are too hard for my delicate lil’ butt to handle.

My bedsheets already smell like farts and sweat. I just washed them a few days ago. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

A thousand underperformances on the back of my neck, constricting my lungs. I’ve barely opened the laptop and already I’m at anxiety DEFCON 2, how am I supposed to start this thing? It’s impossible, why did I put it off for this long, I’m going to fail, I’m-

Wait! Breathe. Breathe in for five, hold for five, exhale for seven. That’s it, just like your psychologist taught you. Still stressed. Thoughts still racing. Howie Mandel, I’m going to use a lifeline on this one. Pick up my phone, flip over to texts.

[Mom are you in a good place to talk right now?] [well, text] [not up for calling atm]

[I am. What’s up?]

[just. kind of stressed out] [I have a story due by midnight and I haven’t started it yet] [trying not to beat myself up about it. not really working]

[At least you’re trying, right? That’s better than in the past.] [Maybe try doing something nice for a bit?] [Not forever, just something that will calm you down.]

[did I mention its due tonight at midnight]

[I know. But trying to do things when you’re riled up doesn’t work.]

I hate it when she’s right.

[maybe I’ll do some knitting for a bit] [still have to finish that blanket]

[Sounds like a plan <3]

One, two, three four… seven? Fuck, I dropped a stitch somewhere. Time to frog it and start over. Mom’s always astonished when I spend so much time on something and destroy it when it’s not perfect. Like I didn’t inherit it from her. She’s gotten better in recent days, but still. Still. Why do knitters call it “frogging”? Because you rip it, rip it.

…It’s nine o clock at night. When did it become nine o clock at night? Put your knitting away, goddamnit, what are you thinking? The story’s due before midnight, just open your Word doc and go!

Focus. Play with form. Poetry, writing, dance, art, living- it’s all just one connection of motion to another. But at what point does a story become a poem? Or a poem become a story, either or. I know free verse is a thing, will the teacher dock me points if it’s not within at least a certain limit of change? Maybe. I don’t know.

The word counter’s ticking up, one agonizing number at a time. It’s all bullshit, of course it’s all bullshit, I can’t write anything but bullshit. But in the Game of College Classes, all that matters is that it fulfills the requirements of the assignment. Nothing more.

Something something too rhythmic, something something “all writers are failed poets”, something something I don’t know what I’m doing, something something, just as long as it’s something.

You’ll never be good enough. This story will never be good enough. You’re unoriginal. And even if you were original, who would want someone who can’t turn things in on time? That’s all you’re good for, menial tasks, just get used up and thrown out when you’re no longer needed. You’re disposable. There are millions of other people just like you, only better because they aren’t lazy worthless garbage. No one likes you. People who say they like you and like what you do are lying. Why can’t you just write what’s in your head? You think you’re better than everyone else at this, but when it comes to brass tacks you just can’t live up to your own fantasies of greatness. Face it- you’re never going to get anywhere with this. You’re never going to get anywhere with anything you do. You’ll just give up as soon as things become even slightly tough; what were you thinking coming here, where it’s all tough all the time? Oh wait, you weren’t, you just go along with whatever someone in authority tells you because you’re a coward and can’t think for yourself without someone else giving the go-ahead. If you’re ever given control you just throw it all away and don’t do shit-

11:50pm. It’s done. Aborted thoughts that pro-lifers would have a field day with, flimsy thoughts, very little structure, absolutely meaningless in the long run, but done, blessedly done. Open your email, send it off to the professor. Write an apology for it being late at night. Send a joke that at least it’s on time. Delete the part that says “for once”- only so much self-deprecation is allowed when interacting with others before they get concerned. Hit the SEND button and try to feel proud, though you know you could have done better if you hadn’t put it off.

It’s late. I’m tired. Time to attempt to sleep. I’ll stay up until one watching videos- I know myself- but at least I need to pretend I’m going to bed or I’ll stay up even later with meaningless distractions

I’ll have to face my mistakes I’ve made with other classes tomorrow, the assignments I’ve put off elsewhere. But this is a victory. A victory that shouldn’t be this hard to get, but it’s a victory. And I’ll take it for all it’s worth.

#writers writes things

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hellcatchvalley · 7 years

Text

before we lost our fairy tales

day 1: non-romantic pairing: kashaw vesh & vex’ahlia de rolo words: 3.5k+ summary: what starts off as small talk turns into something more and vex and kash realize they’re not so different from each other. notes: i had this random urge to write something awhile ago and then it aligned with @critrolerarepair week AND the first prompt!! so i gave a whack at it and hope u enjoy it <3

[ao3]

When Zahra had asked Kashaw to go to Whitestone with her, he almost told her to 'fuck off.' Almost.

"No offense, Zee, but it's not like that place holds a lot of good memories for me," he'd said on the way to the sky port. Zahra had rolled her eyes and patted his shoulder.

"Then it's a good thing we're not going for you then, isn't it darling?" She'd hummed, smiling innocently at his glare. "If it helps, you can just stare at me and avoid contact with everything else like you normally do."

He'd scoffed, and looked away, a small smirk on his face. "Business as usual then."

"Business as usual indeed," she'd replied.

So they'd flown over to the godforsaken cold country (courtesy of a few connections since the city's functioning sky port was still under construction) and within minutes of touching down Kash insisted on renting his room at an inn.

("I'm sure Vex'ahlia would allow us a guest room in the castle," Zahra had tried but he shook his head.

"Nope, a man needs his own place, Zee."

She'd shrugged a shoulder and headed for the castle herself. "Suit yourself, Mr. Man. Oh, and don't let the bedbugs bite your ass, dear."

"I'll give them your regards.")

Her words had made him paranoid, and in the end he rented a small house not too far from the city's beloved Sun Tree. He had no idea how long Zahra was planning to stay, but he wasn't about to be uncomfortable for that amount of time either.

For about three days, Kashaw hadn't seen even a glimpse of Zahra. He was sticking to his guns about not wanting to see any more members of Vox Machina, but after exploring the local market and now having a burlap sack's worth of souvenirs and fresh food, he knew he was getting bored.

Just as he's packing away some of the things he'd want to take back to Vasselheim into a burlap sack on his bed, he hears a knock on his door. There's only one room in the entire place for the kitchen, wooden dining table and a bed up against the wall, so he calls out, "Who is it?"

The sing-song voice that responds makes his eye twitch. "Housekeeping!"

Before he can tell her to go away, the door swings open to reveal the city's Lady and consistent thorn in his side called Vex'ahlia. Kash takes a deep breath before turning halfway around to look at his intruder. Despite her lavish quarters and series of titles, she's wearing hunting gear today, a bit of sweat on her brow and pieces of hair sticking out of her braid. There's a big smile on her face as she leans casually against the door frame and he stares at her.

"No, please, come in," He deadpans, turning back to what he was doing. She clicks her tongue and strolls in, and he doesn't bother teasing the idea that her boots aren't tracking dirt into his humble temporary home.

"Cashew, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were avoiding us," she says, her voice coming up close behind him. "Zahra's been studying for days and we've still not seen a sign of you."

"You lose your eyesight in the weeks we've been gone? Because I'm pretty sure you're looking right at me," he says, still keeping his back facing her.

"Oh, my apologies, I didn't realize how hairy you'd gotten after all this time! Such a shame, your eyes were such a pretty color."

Kash rolls the aforementioned eyes, and finally gives her his full attention, crossing his arms.

Vex mock gasps in surprise, "It's a miracle! You've changed back!"

As his frown gets deeper her smile only grows. She always was his least favorite twin. "How much would I have to pay to get you to change into your brother?" He asks, and she snorts, propping herself up onto the counter.

Vex leans back on her hands, crossing her feet at the ankles as if the place is hers (hell, it probably is. Vox Machina doesn't go ruining people's days for free, and Kash is still convinced the white haired guy gave her a city block already.)

"If that's something within your power, you go first," she snaps back in easy banter.

He ignores the comment. "To what do I owe this... Luxurious company? Did Zee send you?"

Vex's smile finally dims and she raises an eyebrow. "You can't really dislike us so much, Kashaw."

Kash nods in mock understanding. "You're right, I'm sorry-- I forgot the big heroes aren't used to that sentiment anymore."

Vex chuckles and he smirks when he hears a bit of impatience in it. "You're such a dick."

He shrugs. "It's in my job description, baby."

"Never call me that again."

"Then stop calling me Cashew."

"There isn't enough gold in the world."

"Wow, that’s a first."

He dodges the bread roll she throws at his forehead and turns around to continue his packing.

"Not for nothing, but you look like you fought an owlbear and won," he continues, for -gasp- lack of conversation. Zahra would be so proud.

"Just got back from one of my hunts," Vex explains, the wood of the table creaking as she swings her legs. "I'm the protector of this city, remember?"

"I try to block anything involving any of you out of my daily life, if that's alright with you," he mutters. and the bread roll hits its mark this time. "Stop wasting my bread - so what, you decide to visit me on the way back from your errands?"

"Yup," she says. "Because I'm just that nice."

He pauses to stare at the ceiling for a moment, begging for some god to give him strength and her giggles behind him don't help.

"Toss me the bread roll back, would you?" She asks, and he lunges it back without a glance, sucking his teeth when he hears her catch it perfectly. "Cheers, Cashew."

The only sound in the room for awhile is the rustle of fabric as Kash continues to stuff things into his burlap sack, but for once in his life the silence isn't awkward. The small talk is unfamiliar, but he's almost okay with it. Despite only knowing her a short time, Kash felt that Vex was one of the few people in his life that knew when to shut up (most of the time anyway), and knew when silence would be better than the taste of foot in your mouth. Not that those who didn't know were so bad. They were just appreciated a little less. Sometimes.

He quashes the warm feeling spreading in his chest by clearing his throat, causing his guest to sit up straight and cross her arms. He pretends to ignore the way she's boring holes into the back of his shirt until he hears her inhale to speak.

"Cashew--"

He grumbles under his breath, "That's not my name--"

"Do you... Ever hear her sometimes?"

The protest dies on his lips and his shoulders tense. Oh great, a subject he's obviously not gonna wanna talk about. Now, this, this is familiar.

He wonders how long she's been sitting on that question and pauses his packing. Unconsciously, he twists to his left to look at her through the corner of his eye. Or, well, Her eye. The glance is brief and he grunts and turns back to the bag, shrugging one shoulder.

He tries to play it off. "Who, Keyleth? All the time, she never shuts up-"

"Cut the bullshit, Kashaw," Vex snaps, holding her crossed arms closer to herself and her gaze away from him. The sudden tone shift makes him drop any attempt at deflecting he was going to pull out. She continues in a quieter voice, so much that he's glad for the silence outside otherwise he'd have to ask her to repeat it, "You know who I mean."

Kash exhales sharply through his nose. He likes her idea of no eye contact and stares at the sack instead, gripping it tight in his hands. "I know exactly who you mean. I'm just wondering where the hell that question came from."

She doesn't answer him for awhile, and he starts to really see the resemblance with her brother until-

"Did you... Have a choice? With her," Vex asks, the words leaving her lips kicking and screaming if her hesitation is anything to go by. "Did she give you one?"

Kash finally decides to man up and face her, grumbling all the way until he's perched on the bedside, mimicking her posture and crossing his arms.

"You're gonna have to be more specific than that," He says, rubbing one palm against his forehead to ease the space between his eyebrows. Zahra said he'd look eighty by the time he turned half that if he didn't stop frowning. He'd flipped her off then but with the oncoming headache he was getting he was starting to see her point.

Vex rolls her eyes, already impatient with the pace of the conversation she started.

"Your wife," she spits out, and he appreciates the contempt, "that creepy bitch that lives in your eye or some other weird godly shit. Do you ever hear her? In your head, I mean."

Kash puts his hand down and looks at her. She's biting the inside of her cheek, and her fingers pinch the edge of her sleeves, seemingly feeling the texture but he's been this fidgety before and knows that her hands have gone numb.

"What's this about, Vex?" He asks with an exasperated exhale, tone just as low as hers. He isn't good with emotions, but Vox Machina travel together too much not to pick up each other's habits. When they want to discuss something serious, they all start talking like rabbits who've lived for a thousand years -- solemn and small but get too close and you could spook them away from the entire conversation. He can relate to the feeling.

Vex lets out a soft laugh, lifting and dropping her shoulders in a helpless shrug. "I don't know," she says, shaking her head and waving a hand. "You know what? Forget I ever said anything--"

"I do," Kash says before thinking. She goes still and turns her head to finally look at him, eyes wider and almost shimmering. He straightens his shoulders out and holds her gaze. "Hear her. When you've only got one follower, I guess you like to remind him you're there."

She purses her lips and looks down at his feet, taking a deep breath. She nods and starts to twist her unkempt braid. "You remember when we went to the Feywild, right?"

"When you all went to the Feywild, you mean?" He rubs at his forearm with an unsettled frown. "Yeah, I was still getting blood out of my hair and had to sleep in the library."

She has the decency to wince. "Sorry about that."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Anyway," she continues, "when I got my bow, we had to fight this Feywarden, and he... He could see in my head."

Kash raises an eyebrow. "And... how did he-

"I don't know how!" She explains, waving her hands and letting them land on her thighs. Bringing them back up to to rub at her face, she sighs and it reaches her bones. "Old magic or some other mythical shit - Fact is, he just. He knew things about me that I didn't want anyone to know. Things that I would've rather had been buried forever if I could help it."

The hands come down and she moves back towards the wall the table was up against behind her to lean against it herself. "And the things that he'd said to me..." She trails off and looks more tired than he's ever seen her - and he's seen her dead. The line of her shoulders slump and he thinks that she'd lie on the floor if her pride allowed it.

Still, he has to ask. Shifting his weight on the bed, he says, "Not that I try to understand anything any of you do, ever, but why are you telling me this?"

The corner of Vex's mouth twitches up in a half hearted smile and she shrugs. "Maybe you just have one of those faces, Cashew."

"I have a lot of faces and they all scream, 'don't talk to me,'" he says, and her smile breaks wide for only a moment before leaving just as soon. "Try again."

Vex looks like she's debating something in her mind and she says, "Keyleth told me what happened to you."

Kash frowns and kicks a little at the ground. "You mean she told you what I told her, anyway."

"Of course," Vex says quickly, sitting up a little straighter. She tilts her head, fixing her cunning half-elven gaze on his own and he has to look away. "I just thought that since you had lived with this... Darkness for so long, that you'd... I don't know, have some idea of how to get it to shut the fuck up."

Now he really has to snort. "If I knew how to get rid of voices I didn't want to hear," he says, "we wouldn't be having this conversation, trust me."

"I'll drink to that," Vex agrees, patting the counter around for an invisible mug.

He sighs again, and he wonders if there's a being out there that counts the amount of times he gets tired of talking in an hour. He hopes they're busy.

He really doesn't want to talk about Her. He never has, and never will, and the room has felt ten times smaller ever since the pointy eared menace in front of him began talking, and the welts and scars on his arm burn under his skin and there's a migraine in his left eye and every hour he's ever spent training feels like nothing because he can barely hold himself up at even the thought of his betrothed and--

"Kashaw?"

Vex's voice cuts through the monologue in his head and he opens his eyes, blinking frantically and scowling.

"What, what, what do you want from me?" He snaps back because it's the only way he knows how, rubbing his temples. His hands are sweaty but his breath is dangerously calm, almost as if he hadn't bothered using it in the past couple minutes. Kash swallows the lump in his throat and only gets more irritated. Even after all this time he still can't shake the fear of her.

Vex, still quiet in wake of all this, doesn't say anything and hops off the counter, wiping her hands on pants.

"I shouldn't have bothered you with this, I'm sorry-"

"Shut up and sit down, Vex, I'm getting there, okay?" Kash interjects, pushing the heel of his palms into his eyes. He doesn't need to see her to feel the cold stare fixated on him from his words but he hasn't cared about people's looks before and he sure won't now - not when she came to him.

"Vesh isn't a voice in my head," he starts, crossing his arms yet again. He's a man of few gestures. He's not avoiding Vex's eyes but chooses to look out the window instead anyway. "She's my wife. She gave me my scars, I gave me my scars, and now I'm stuck with her till I get the pleasure of dying and hopefully sealing her evil ass to a dimension even Bird Boy's lady can't reach."

"She's not just a voice, she's everywhere, and part of her is me," he says as plain fact. "Sure, she's all locked away now, but..." He shakes his head and squeezes his left forearm riddled in his wedding vows.

"She doesn't always need to whisper in my head. There's shit she's done to me that I won't ever get back, things that were worse than-- And I wish-" His words break off and it takes him a minute to fight the urge to stop talking altogether, to swallow the bile building his throat, to quell the burn in his stomach that makes every inch of him sick. He bites the inside of his cheek nearly hard enough to draw blood and glares at the floor. "Part of me wishes she'd only killed my family, because, you know, that's what she gives me to wish for."

The room is so silent he thinks his guest has left and he tears his eyes away from the floor. At this point Vex is across the table from him, and there's a recognition in her eyes that makes him pause. Her hands subtly clutch at her sides and it's there, that fight-or-flight Vox Machina guarantee. Her shoulders are raised, she has a foot stepped back and he can tell she's holding her breath from the way her eyes stare not at him but past him, a little further than the surface.

Kash takes a deep breath and stands up to his full height, closing his eyes. He tries to calm his nerves, which he's never been good at but has never failed to try, and rubs the back of his neck. When he opens them again, her hands are tucked to her chest, and she's looking at the ground again.

"Something tells me... You already know about something like that," he says, so low and quiet that he isn't sure she heard. Vex shifts a little and moves her head slightly enough to recognize as a nod and he sighs.

"This world fucking sucks," he mutters for good measure, and there's a little exhale from Vex's nose that sounds enough like she agrees. They stand without saying anything, each reevaluating whoever they see across from them.

Vex opens her mouth to speak first, "I--"

"Look," Kash interrupts, holding a hand up, "I know you came to me for... Some kind of help, and I'm not going to lie - that was pretty dumb because, like I keep telling you people, I don't know what the hell I'm doing either but..." There's a small smile on her face again and Kash figures he's doing something right so far. He takes a step towards her and uncrosses his arms.

"There are memories in my head that I don't even know who's are whose, or which ones actually happened, but I do know one thing about the bastards that won't leave us alone." He leans forward, and as he does, he lifts his hand and lets it hover, ignoring the way his fingers tense and tremble. Vex chews her bottom lip and, hands still close to her heart, squeezes her fingers twice before exhaling a shaky breath and reaching out to take his hand. Kash lets both of them rest on the table between them, and moves his head until he's sure that they're eye to eye.

"The voice in my head, and the voice that stays in yours? They lost a long damn time ago, because their first mistake was sticking around," he says, and Vex's are eyes strong and forward. "Life, remember? The dead don't grow. We do."

Vex looks away from his face down at their hands and he pretends not to notice how quickly she wipes at her eyes. She shakes her head solemnly and there's a small smile on her face.

"You know, I'm starting to understand where Keyleth was coming from," she says softly.

"Gross," he says at full volume, and she breaks into a laugh so infectious he can't help but join her. When they finally calm down she lets go of his hand and moves some of her hair out of her face, standing up tall and just as confident as she walked in. He does the same and they have a brief battle of the eyebrow raise before he breaks.

"Well," he starts, exhaling and feeling like he's run a mile. "You get everything you wanted?"

Vex clears her throat and pats his cheek, very reminiscent of their tiefling friend.

"I did! A very nice talk we had here, Kashaw," she hums, taking a step back. There's still some dirt on her face and Kash stares at it before grabbing the top of her head with one hand and rubbing the other on her cheek. She protests at the rough treatment but he eventually gets it off and lets her go, leaving her huffing with one cheek redder than the other.

"What the hell was that?!" She complained, holding the side of her face. He only offers her a shrug in response and she rolls her eyes, stomping to the front door.

"Gods, I'm never letting you hang out with my brother ever again," she mumbles, opening the door and looking back at him.

He stares at her in question and she gestures for him with her head.

"You're coming with me," she says, her tone not accepting any refusals.

"Says who?" He scoffs.

"The Lady of this motherfucking city, that's who," she declares, puffing out her chest and holding an arm out for him. She even sticks her nose in the air and he thinks she's having way too much fun. "Now get the hell out of this property and join us for dinner."

Kash groans and huffs and grumbles all the way out the door, protesting when she kicks him in the butt for good measure, but the laugh she lets out when he reaches for her makes him feel a little less reluctant. Definitely his least favorite twin.

#kashaw vesh #vex'ahlia #vex'ahlia de rolo #critical role #kashaw #fic #critrolerarepair

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jobbmaroc · 4 years

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12 Personal Finance Tips That Will Change Your Life

Good financial habits are hard to develop and harder to stay. Sometimes, it feels overwhelming once you realize that managing your finances may be a lot quite having the ability to regulate your expenses or maintaining a gentle stream of income. Personal Finance compiles everything that directs your financial life to utmost stability and peace – paying down your debt, saving for the longer term, budgeting and everything else that's somehow associated with money.

This post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.

While it'd sound boring to formulate a budget or cultivate a frugal lifestyle, it'll be worthwhile once you begin noticing small positive impacts on your financial journey. Below are a number of the foremost effective personal finance tips which will cause you to feel rich in your financial journey and can get your finances in order:

1. Track your net worth- Your net worth determines your overall financial standing and provides you the right picture of your financial stability. Keep track of your net worth – the difference between your assets and your liabilities. While your net worth could be negative at the beginning of your career due to the debt component, your ultimate goal should be to extend your assets and pay off your liabilities. More internet worth, better financial stability.

2. Set a workable household budget- Budget is an estimation of your income and expenses over a specified period of your time, say every week or a month. Have a household budget in situ to stay your expenses in restraint and to form sure that you simply save a minimum of a particular amount monthly to assist support your future needs. Your budget shouldn’t be too rigid to follow but should be workable enough to incorporate all of your necessary expenses like groceries, utilities, etc. Having a budget is merely effective if you follow it abreast of a daily basis and make changes when needed.

3. Cultivate a frugal lifestyle- Cultivating a frugal lifestyle shouldn't be misunderstood as living cheap. A frugal lifestyle is anything that helps you economize by making small changes in your spending habits. Here are a number of the foremost effective frugal living tips which will assist you to economize in no time:

Pay your bills on time to avoid any late fees. Use discount coupons and avail cash backs while shopping online. Control Impulse spending and avoid pocket money on belongings you don’t need. Wait for products to travel on sale than having to pay a full price for them. Prefer eating a home-cooked meal over eating out. Resort to the choice of effective meal getting to economize on groceries. If your schedule doesn’t allow you adequate time to plan your meals, a $5 hotel plan is often the last word solution to your problem. they need to make meal planning simple on behalf of me and I’m not leaving them anytime soon.

4. Set Specific financial goals- Have specific financial goals in situ for the longer term. Have an image in mind on where you'd wish to see yourself 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now and 30 years from now. once you know your financial priorities, your personal finance journey gets much easier. So once you know that paying off your student loan and automobile loan are some things that you simply would like to realize five years from now, you'll be ready to adjust your finances accordingly. Also, your financial goals might need a revision every now then with changes in your financial situation.

5. Retirement Planning- How you manage your finances in your 20s and 30s is what determines how your life would be post-retirement. people that are ready to retire after 40 are usually those who are managing their finances during a smarter way right from the start of their careers. everyone dreams to measure a financially comfortable life post-retirement which makes it necessary to try to complicated retirement planning. you ought to be ready to save enough amount of cash to supply for your basic needs in your 60s without having to depend upon anyone else for an equivalent.

6. Keep track of your finances- once I first visited the college, wont to be"> I used to be completely used to the habit of keeping track of where my money was going. Every penny spent would be taken note of and cross-checked at the top of the month. My Mom wont to call me a paranoid for being concerned about little expenses but this habit helped me learn the art of cash management. Keeping track of your finances can go an extended way in stabilizing your financial life by creating a way of self-awareness concerning your finances. Your bills, unplanned expenses and proportion of income that goes into each component of your budget should be tracked by you to assist you to retain your finances in restraint.

7. Write off your debt- Debt repayment should be your favorite priority when it involves setting your financial goals. You might, of course, got to make sure small sacrifices in your debt repayment journey but what comes out of it might be worthwhile.

8. Have an Emergency Fund- Life is filled with uncertainties and it’s on us to be prepared for love or money that life might throw at us. does one have an idea in situ for the unforeseen circumstances which will arise in the future? How long are you able to feed your family if you suddenly happen to lose your job? what proportion are you ready if a shutdown were to occur within the company you’re working for? Well, that’s not me being pessimistic. But everyone wants to possess themselves and their family secured at any cost which is why having an emergency fund should be one among your topmost priorities.

9. Start Investing Today- Investment is one of the simplest ways to form money from money. Now, investment is that the word that's known to scare people thanks to the associated risk factor but many folks fail to understand that multiple investment options are safer and carry lower risk than stocks. land, Fixed deposit schemes, high-yield bank account are a couple of options where your money sits safely. At an equivalent time, it’s always in your best interest to possess an entire knowledge of the investments that you simply are getting to make.

10. Have a Side Hustle to form Money– Having a side hustle helps you earn some extra bucks while keeping your day job. Although it’s easier said than done I’m sure it’s not difficult to possess a side hustle since all folks possess some unique skills that go underutilized. With the arrival of the internet, I do know people that are easily making a couple of hundred dollars in their spare time by managing the social media pages for brands. Writers and creatives can easily sell their services online, people with basic educational knowledge can tutor others in their spare time and people with some knowledge of the online can become virtual assistants.

11. Create a savings plan and stick with it- You don’t get to be making thousands of dollars a month to be ready to but your future needs. With a correct savings plan and a touch of motivation to stay thereto is all you would like to save lots of some money. Every time you get your paycheck, put aside a particular amount as your fixed savings and spend the remainder of it towards your expenses. Always list savings as a hard and fast item in your savings plan and don’t use it for love or money else. Keep a record of your expenses and see where you'll save extra money.

12. Spend time on your financial education- Basic financial education may be a must to be ready to manage your finances adequately. You don’t require a knowledgeable degree when it involves acquiring basic financial knowledge. a daily reading habit to stay yourself updated with the happenings within the financial world is all you would like to spice up your financial literacy.

Personal Finances may be a subject that will never be avoided when it comes right down to financial security. Invest in yourself to be ready to earn extra money and discuss your finances together with your spouse as it’s always good to possess a special opinion on how you ought to set about handling your finances. nobody can know your financial needs better than you and therefore the onus is on you to create up your financial security.

#finance tips

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za3k · 4 years

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Life-logging in 2019

I’ve been keeping a time log since somewhere around 2011. A time log is a journal with a complete record of everything I do. I’ve become very consistent about it, so this seemed like a good time to write up my current habits for anyone interested.

This is going to be a mixture of information about life-logging, how I organize things, and my current schedule, because they’re not really separate things.

There’s an interesting story about how I systematically broke everyone one of my habits, and it took me 17 years to get in a daily routine after that, but that’s a story for another time.

If you’re curious, I’d guess it takes me 2 hours a week spread out to do my life-logging, 1 hour to type it up, and 1-2 hours to do my weekly review. In my mind the original life-logging doesn’t cost me anything because it’s so automatic, it’s zero-energy, and it has some psychic benefits. By psychic benefits I’m talking about the same kind of thing you get from GTD–you’re not constantly thinking about or trying to remember things that are already written down in a trusted system. Typing it up and review are not free.

Time log (2011-)

I keep a written (pen and paper) time log which I normally just call my “log book”. Each entry has the current time and what I’m doing. I typically record an entry either when I start an activity, finish one, or notice I’ve switched activities. I’m on volume 9.

Today’s page starts like this (italics are censorship or words added for clarity):

Date: 2019-12-17, Tue 12:02pm Woke up on my own slightly before alarm. Dream about […]. (7h12m sleep)[100ml yellow rockstar recovery. (33mg caffein, 400mg taurine–from front material)]Morning data log (see below)Brushed teeth12:55pmCancelled torrent verification–I already know this will failResponded to gnu coreutils ‘date’ threadhealth stuff2:02pmTrying qutebrowser. Feels very productive.2:04pm[Coke Zero Vanilla, 1 can]

I’m not fastidious about what the time represents. The questions I most often ask are “when did this happen roughly” and “do I have any big portions of my day I’m not time-logging”. I’m less concerned with exactly how long I spent doing each particular activity.

There are some things I try to consistently write down every single time, including:

Exactly when I woke up, especially if I don’t use the computer first thing (see “Sleep Log” below)

Any dream if I remember it

Any food or drink I consume, with enough information that I could generate nutritional facts if I wanted. I omit food amounts if it’s a pain to measure. 1 package of ramen: yes, 125g chicken curry: no. I put food and drinks in hard brackets: []

Watching a movie, TV show, youtube, or reading a book. I used to underline these, now I’m trying putting them between underscores: _. I’m switching to write these in a computer-understandable way but it’s a work in progress.

Anything health-related, including symptoms, drugs I took, and bathroom visits. Drugs are a type of food [], the rest is freeform.

Travel from point A to B

Phone calls. I don’t always manage this one. While you’re picking up the phone is a really garbage time to try and write something.

Any time I change timezones

Any time I work on a project for more than a couple minutes

“Where did that time go”: one of the goals here is to have no huge gaps. If I spent time browsing the web or researching, some vague notes on what about. If I talk to someone in person, noting who and possibly what topics we talked about (talking in person often feels like minutes in my head but hours on the clock).

Here are things I don’t write down:

Information that I’ve put elsewhere. See below for specifics on what else I have! This one isn’t hard and fast, but I’m a believer in things being in “exactly one place” as much as possible–I do make some exceptions since I’m working with paper

General-purpose notetaking, thoughts about what’s going on, TODO lists, etc. This is just a boring ol’ record of time. I do sometimes jot down TO-DOs when out of the house since this is the only paper I carry on me, but at the rate of 1-3 a week. I also may write down where I’m at in a really long-running computer project, just to make sure I can find it later.

Anything a human shouldn’t have to write or read. For example, I could write down the youtube URL or the UPC code of everything I buy… but nobody has time for that, and I’d only write it down wrong.

At the front of the book I have a table with guides to abbreviations, ingredients in things I have often (ex. caffein amounts or recipes). In the back is my bookkeeping section (see below).

I am currently using the Leuchtturm1917 gridded notebook, with date labels at the top of the page. I’ve been experimenting with felt micron pens–I’m looking for something that can write easily, but won’t smear when I close the book. I’ve used Moleskins in the past–I stopped using them because 2 of 5 split at the spine for me. Leuctturm seems a bit better but more expensive–time will tell.

One a week, I type up my time log up to the last page. I’m working on my backlog slowly. This lets me search more easily. I have plans to someday cross-reference better in a computer system (for example, include nutritional info, link to youtube videos, etc).

Bookkeeping (2019-)

Fun fact: b-oo-kk-ee-ping is the only word in the English language with three consecutive double letters. Bookkeeping is keeping a record of what you earn and spend, or what you buy and sell.

For the most part, I pay for everything using a credit or debit card, which I’ve been doing since 16 so that I have a financial record for my own benefit. Most banks offer an easy export. I get paper copies, then once I download the PDFs from my bank, throw out the originals (I’ve checked one or two match the PDFs by hand). I use mint.com for the purpose of having a CSV export from my bak statements. I used to put this export online (currently broken, check back soon).

Starting a few months ago, I started keeping a weekly record by hand. Every time I spend money, I’ll put a $ symbol in my time log,

2:21am Amazon $

and add a bookkeeping entry (real thing is prettier).

2019-12-15, Sun [ ] Amazon -29.21 -236.07 Choline citrate, 500g

The entry includes:

The date (2019-12-15)

Where I spent the money (Amazon)

How much money (29.21)

How much total I’ve spent this week (236.07)

What I bought (Choline citrate, 500g). If it was more than one thing, how much each item cost. I’ll try and write price-per-pound if I’m buying bulk food or meat. If I’m buying more than one of something, I’ll write how many I bought and how much each is. I’d like to consistently write down how much of something I got (ex. 16oz of cheese) but I don’t at all yet.

If it’s something that needs to be delivered, I’ll write a checkbox. Then when it arrives, I’ll check the box and write down the date it arrived to the right. This way I can easily scan and see if something never got delivered.

Since I use the same book for my time log and my bookkeeping, bookkeeping goes from right to left, two pages per week. At the end of the book, I keep

a running record of any debts I owe

any undelivered packages from the previous log book

During my weekly review process, I copy this information to my (digital) weekly review and add it up by category to check against my budget. I used to check it against my bank statements, but it takes forever and it’s easier to just be really good about writing down everything to start with. Checking totals and category totals is pretty time consuming the way I do it, I’ll probably automate it soon.

Budget

My current categories are:

taxes, bills, rent: Predictable expenses, no need to check these on a regular basis. I separate out medical bills in my summary, which are not regular.

travel, hard drives, moving: Big but one-off expenses. Currently I don’t have a way to budget these.

charity: I aim for 10% of my income after taxes (a tithe)

other: The main budget category, I try to keep this at $1000/month ($240/week). I actually break it down into categories like “food”, “groceries”, and “luxuries” so I know what happened, as well as pulling out any single big expenses.

Weekly Schedule (2019-)

My current schedule is weekly:

Monday: Do meal planning for the week, and grocery shopping for the week if needed.

Tuesday: Cook food for the week.

Thursday: Batch day. Do all the small chores (<1 hour) on one day. I aim for around 2-4 hours of chores, but I’m fine skipping a batch day if I don’t really have anything. I almost always clean my room and do laundry at minimum. I also have a running list of small tasks: call the doctor, clean the fridge, fix SSL certs.

Friday: Review day. I’ll do a weekly review, and a monthly one if it’s the last weekly review of the month. Then I’ll type up the timelog up to that point in time. For my weekly review, which I do on my computer, I write down

How much sleep I got on average

What I did each day of the week (summary of that day’s time log). Typically once I cut out really boring things (brush your teeth), food, movies, etc there’s not all that much left.

Accomplishments. Anything I got done this week. Also, any big milestones reached (finished X) even if the last step wasn’t that impressive.

Reflection/things learned: Did anything major happen? Did I learn any new facts? This is my time to look at the big picture and thing about how my life is going lately and where I’d like it to go. Also, if anything especially good/bad happened, I try to think about why and how to make things go well next time.

Finances. I copy down my expenses for the week and total them by category.

Saturday: Nothing planned.

Sunday: Nothing planned.

I haven’t done batch cooking in a while, but I’m also trying to run out my food supplies because I’m about to move, so we’ll see if it sticks around.

Daily Log (2019-)

Every morning, I record:

The date and time I’m recording

How much sleep I got (but not when I went to sleep or woke up)

What day it is in my schedule

The temperature of the room

My body temperature (am I running a fever?)

How much exercise I got yesterday, in minutes (and what type)

My weight

I don’t think it matters that much how you do these measurements, but it’s important to be consistent (for example, weight with clothes on/off?)

If I have a specific habit I’m trying to pick up (say, brushing my teeth twice a day or meditating) I might record that for a while too each day. I used to record a mission for the day, but I dropped the habit.

Automatic Logs

I put all my computer logs in a single combined format, and sync them to a single location, starting in 2019. The format is basically <date> [<log name>:<computer name>] <Log entry>. I don’t have a great process to view logs yet.

Sleep Log (2019-) / Keystoke Activity Log (2013-)

I log which hours I was asleep. I live alone and tend to fall asleep first thing after closing my laptop in bed, or at least with a video playing in the background, which makes this relatively easy. I keep a computer log of whether I’m using my keyboard (I almost never do anything with just the mouse) for each minute using a custom-built keylogger (it records activity but not passwords).

Then I run it through a custom script (included in link) which says which broad periods I was active. The biggest inactive period in a day is when I was asleep.

~ $ sleep? Report period: 2019-12-17 00:00:00 – 2019-12-17 16:21:06 (16:21:06s) Inactive: 2019-12-17 04:50:18 – 2019-12-17 12:02:58 ( 7:12:40s)

I was asleep from 4:50am to 12:02pm. I make sure to write down when I wake up into my time log in case I don’t use the computer first thing. This has been much better at guessing when I fell asleep than anything else I’ve tried.

If you don’t fall asleep at a computer, I have some ideas around using a motion sensor (cheap webcams can see in the dark)

Chromium History Log (2013-)

I use Chromium as my only web browser. I export the history and bookmarks every time I do a backup, and put it all in a standard log format (basically time + URL). Currently I only record each history entry once.

For futureproofing, I archive every webpage I go to on an irregular basis (about once a year). Archiving pages doesn’t work super well but it’s better than nothing.

Video/TV Log (2019-)

I watch my movies using noice, either directly on my television, or streamed from my media server to my laptop. When I start watching something, it automatically gets logged (including what the movie is, the path, how long it is etc). Same for when I stop, so I know if I quit early.

Youtube is included in my chromium history (see above). Sadly I’m not sure I can get ‘how much of this video did I watch’ from my format–only that I visited the video.

For futureproofing, I automatically archive every youtube video I watch.

Bash History (2011-)

This one is pretty simple. My Linux shell history (everything I run from the command line, which is basically everything I do outside a browser) is saved, forever. This one goes back to 2011 for my laptops.

Scanning (2014-)

I scan all documents I write, mail I get, etc. and generally throw out the originals. I organize everything by hand, and keep everything as image files.

I use a flat folder structure, which is to say I have a “scans” folder and then a bunch of folders in it like “taxes – 2019”. No nesting. This was my main takeaway from GTD for Hackers and I use flat folders for most digital organization.

I use the Doxie Go feed-through scanner (doesn’t need a computer, writes directly to SD which I love). I recently got a Canon Lide 400 flatbed scanner (works on linux) which I use to scan bound books like my time log.

Who else does this stuff?

As far as I know I came up with this stuff independently. I’ve read plenty of time-management resources (which tend to be good) and experimental journaling resources (which tend to be… scarce?).

Lion Kimbro: “Make a complete map of every thought you think”. General journaling. Inteview.

Fenn Lipowitz (my roommate): Time log, with an emphasis on being completely machine-readable. Being machine-readable means click for pretty graphs. I took inspiration from how machine-parsable this was recently, but I want to keep my freehand sections too.

Bryan Bishop (acquaintance): meetlog, a system for recording conversations and topics of conversation. Overall I didn’t find this useful because I don’t know hundreds of people. The format is so-so, largely because the author can type very fast, including real-time transcripts. I got the inspiration to write topics of conversation while talking from this. I do something similar if I spend a long time thinking or researching, too.

Bullet Journaling: I dunno, if you’re super lost and don’t know how to write a journal/TODO list, some guy figured it out for you! It’s just the basics that you’d figure out on your own, but it may save time. The site is better than the book. I independently invented most of their notation for TODO lists, I don’t find it too useful for a journal. Other peoples’ bullet journal pages are also useful, not just the original author’s.

Life-logging in 2019 was originally published on Optimal Prime

#bash history #browser history #daily log #forever #journal #lifelogging #log #schedule #self #self-improvement #sleep log #timelog #watch #cross-posted-from-blog

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hillarykylie · 4 years

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Can’t stress how important this is.

💕 Your habits, practices, work ethics and daily routine will reveal a lot about you than you think and as most entrepreneurs would say, the route to your success 💕

I don’t have the BEST daily routine myself, but I’ve definitely made significant chances to my productivity and habits over the year which’s helped added value to my life.

Have long-term goals in mind, but start by breaking them down into small, achievable goals.

It’s a lot of effort and hardwork - since it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, but trust that it’s worth the process.

These are things which I have incorporated into my schedule:

• less distractions - less use of social media unless necessary

* turn off notifications / mute conversations temporarily unless crucial.

* stop refreshing your newsfeed for the umpteenth time.

* turn off your active / read statuses

* switch your phone to silent

• Filter who you follow / subscribe to on social media

* unfollow/unsubscribe to accounts/channels who promote constant negativity, hatred and encourage destructive lifestyles and behaviour.

* part of my journey to recovery from ED was to stop following Pro-Anorexia blogs who perpetuate/encourage anorexia. (I’d realised in hindsight how much I was regressing in terms of my mental health because I was constantly getting fed by toxic information)

* fill your following list with accounts/people who radiate positive vibes - mental health recovery channels/accounts - therapist accounts, quotes, or memes! (They make you laugh anyway) study blogs, fitness videos.

• less procrastination - this skill takes a bit of time to master but basically, allocate yourself a strict length of time to rest and recharge.

- I’m still guilty of procrastination now and then but it’s become more infrequent recently.

- of course if you’re drained, take breaks.

- getting your tasks done before doing what you like is a much better and rewarding feeling.

- one thing to combat my emotional procrastination is to set myself about 10-15 minutes to cry or have a breakdown and then get back to work (ik this sounds odd and bizzare, but this works wonders for me everytime lol)

It’s okay to feel defeated, exhausted and drained. Allow yourself to feel and don’t suppress these emotions. But set yourself a reasonable amount of time to let your heart out and cry. And when all that’s done, get back to work.

• if you’re a Student and find yourself struggling to catch up with work, schedule your day.

Be consistent & disciplined with your work.

You don’t always have to be ahead, but you can stay on top of work through consistency and maximum productivity.

Have a plan, set a schedule. I have a whiteboard in my Uni room which I list out all the important things I have to do - whether it’s essays, readings or laundry.

(Trying to get myself to jot down important events as well on my calendar)

* organise your notes, be consistent with your readings, start your preparation early so you wouldn’t have to burn the midnight oil when your deadline/submission is around the corner.

* write down/type the things you have to do and tick it off when you’ve done them

• TIDY YOUR ROOM.

I never realised how having a clean, tidy workspace and bedroom is associated with having a clear, focused headspace.

This is a skill I’ve only picked up recently. Honestly ask anyone who knew me before the age of 18 and they’d tell you how horrid my living conditions were, I was literally living in a pig sty.

My room isn’t the neatest for now but I’ve made it a habit to clean my room thrice a week, do my laundry, wipe my tables, the floor, change my sheets as frequent as I can, throwing trash, keeping my room as immaculately clean, hygienic and nice-smelling as possible.

De-cluttering has become a newfangled technique of mine in destressing.

Add fairy lights, make your room/home feel like a sanctuary you want to come back to after a long day.

• Take baths!! At least once every 2 days

Added the latter because I know it’s unnecessary to be washing your hair everyday especially when it’s winter.

I know a lot of people with depression like me in the past who have difficulty taking showers but personal hygiene affects the way you feel and perceive of yourself.

Notice how you feel so much more reinvigorated after a bath. It cleanses your soul.

• have a skincare routine - this is applicable to both men and women. essentially, take care of your skin.

everyone in our family has stringent facial routines. you don’t have to go to expensive facials to get clear skin.

But make sure you stick to your day and night routines and wash your makeup off (if you wear makeup that is)

As someone who struggled for years with cystic acne and covered it using makeup, I’ve completely stopped using makeup and have only been using ONE skincare brand for 9 months now - which’s completely transformed the vitality of my skin that I no longer suffer from acne or have frequent breakouts.

I added this because I believe the condition of your skin will affect the way you feel and your motivation. For me personally - my struggle with acne really threw my motivation and focus off course.

• READ, educate yourself.

You don’t have to bury yourself in text books or boring literature but find something that sparks your interest and delve deeper into them.

Read about people’s personal experiences, their stories and trajectories.

Thought Catalog, Elite Daily are two of my favourites.

• surround yourself with inspiring individuals who have the same work ethic and drive as you.

• instead of watching trashy shows about useless gossip and hearsay (trust me I’ve been there - binging Love Island), watch documentaries and videos where there’s an underlying educational value.

Ted Talks and podcasts are my pockets of wisdom.

love love Jubilee debates on YouTube as well where people are divided into two groups whose ideals/beliefs vie against each other - they’ve done rly controversial and intriguing debates such as on pro choice vs pro life, body positivity vs fitness and health, religious vs aesthiests, guns vs no gun policy

I especially love psychological documentaries, reality talk shows where substantive tangible issues are discussed and resolved like Dr Phil / Oprah / World’s Strictest Parents

I’m definitely not at where I want and NEED to be at yet, and there’re are still areas of improvement which I’m still trying my best to work on (e.g my punctuality - huge one)

I think a lot of my lateness is due to the fact that I’m always taking forever to pick my outfits and checking myself out in the mirror lmao

I also hope to lay off my incredibly stressful work ethic. I know I said it’s good to be consistent in working hard but my work ethic is pretty severe that it sometimes exacerbates my anxiety.

Instead of procrastinating like what the majority claim to be trapped doing to themselves, I tend to overwork and overstress.

like I’d feel extremely guilty and have panic attacks when I sense that I’m not doing enough work which actually yields perverse consequences.

I’m a workaholic with an Asian work ethic (the Singapore education system has toughened and conditioned all of us to be academically inclined and disciplined so yea this is an intrinsic quality in most of us) so it’s hard to just ‘relax’.

I spent weeks being ill and hospitalised yet I was still able to finish all my readings and submit my essays by the original deadline despite having an extension due to my illness.

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tipsycad147 · 5 years

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8 Ideas To Inspire Your Magic

Avery Hart

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my Disclaimer for more info.

I know everyone loves the idea of witches who are super structured and committed to their practice. In our minds, the ideal witch is doing magic all the time, casting spells every few days, working with gods, doing magic every day, meditating like a boss, this witch supposedly has it all together. The problem is, I’ve never met one of these witches!

I’m sure they exist, somewhere, but as far as I can tell, the majority of witches fall into a very different camp. We do magic when we need it and are sometimes good and sometimes not about our daily magical practice. We might not meditate every day (or let's be honest, ever) and that’s IF our lives aren’t insanely busy at the moment. If things do get crazy busy? You can kiss the vast majority of that goodbye.

To a lot of people, in their minds, this makes them a bad witch. They don’t have that ideal practice so obviously, they’re just not giving it enough attention and being lazy. More often than not though, this isn’t the case! Our modern lives are busy and full of distraction. We’ve got jobs, and school, and partners, and kids, and hobbies, and friends, and, and, and… There’s hardly any time to breathe in between all of the other stuff we do, much less sit down for a half hour ritual!

I'm here to tell you that this is ok. Your life is important and unless you are planning to devote your entire life to witchcraft then nobody expects you to be pursuing it like it’s your Ph.D.

If you’ve been struggling with general life burnout and a lack of magical time, this is the blog post for you. Below you’ll find 8 ideas to inspire you to make your life a little more magical.

1. Do something simple

I know, this isn’t exactly groundbreaking but hear me out. A lot of the time when we’re discouraged about doing magic, we feel like we don’t have enough time to do magic that “counts”. This idea that magic has to take a lot of time or be drawn out to count as magic is unfortunately widespread. Have you ever wanted to do a spell and then when you realised you only had 10 minutes just decided to do it later and forgot all about it? Yeah? Quit that. Instead of putting off the spell until you have enough time, do an abbreviated version of it right now. 10 minutes of witchcraft may not be as potent as an hour-long ritual, but it’s still a hell of a lot more potent than not doing anything at all!

I don’t care how small your window of time is if you have ten minutes you can squeeze in a quick candle spell. In five minutes, you can charge a sigil or brew a cup of magical tea. In one minute you can grab a crystal to charge in your palm while you’re rushing out the door and if you only have 30 seconds you can pause, breathe in an intention that you want for your day and breathe out whatever is blocking you from getting it. Stop putting off magic because you don’t have enough time to do something big, the little stuff counts and it adds up to a life that is absolutely filled with magic!

2. Learn something brand new

Sometimes, our separation from magic is due to getting bored with our normal practice. I know, it’s practically sacrilege to say that magic can be boring but if you’re stuck doing the same routine over and over and over, trust me, it can lose that magical spark real quick. If boredom is what’s stopping you from practicing witchcraft, shake things up a bit! Go out and learn something totally new, whether that’s sigils magic, a new form of divination, or a technique you’ve never tried before, get out of your comfort zone and find something that makes you feel excited about your practice again!

3. Hang out with a witchy friend

If you’re just feeling uninspired about your craft, sometimes it can take a little bit of an outside nudge to get back into gear. One thing that nobody likes to admit about the craft is that sometimes it can feel really isolating. Chances are, the majority of your friends and family are not witches (if they are I need you to spill the secret to making that happen). This may not seem like such a bad thing at first but eventually, it can really wear on you. The people closest to you don’t share your worldview, your spiritual leanings, and many of them probably don’t even believe magic is real! Having to keep those things to yourself all the time can be incredibly draining and demoralising.

The solution is to make time to get out and be with like-minded people, grab your witchy friends and go grab coffee, loiter in your local metaphysical shop together, or hang out in a plant nursery and gush about how many of those adorable little herb plants you want.

4. No witchy friends? Go make some!

For those of you who are lacking witchy friends of any kind, figuring out where to find witches can be a struggle. Here are a few ways to get out there and start meeting like minded people.

Use meetup.com, search for local groups using terms such as witch, pagan, metaphysical, meditation, shaman, energy, goddess, and magic.

Check out your local metaphysical shop, crystal shop, or boutique herb shop. If they offer classes or social gatherings of any kind, consider attending.

Check out online groups. Facebook is full of pagan groups and if you’re in a very small town, online may be the most accessible way for you to go. Also check out what kinds of groups are present for your area though, many local temples and pagan groups host their meeting info on facebook.

Ask around. Again, hit up those metaphysical shops and ask the people who work there if they know of any groups you could join. The people working in these places are often really plugged into the local community and can help you get a foot in the door.

If it’s safe, talk to your friends and family about it as well. While they may not share your beliefs, they might know someone who does!

5. Pick up one new witchcraft habit

Humans are creatures of habit. The vast majority of our lives are dictated by a complex series of habits that we hardly ever even think about! If you really want to make witchcraft a daily thing, you have to make it a habit.

Habit forming can seem complex if you’re new to it but with a little bit of knowledge about how habits form, it becomes incredibly simple. Habits are made up of 3 key pieces. If you want to establish a new habit, you have to have all 3 pieces in place or the habit won't stick.

#1: The Cue - The cue is what tells your brain it’s time to initiate your new habit. This cue needs to be something you are already doing every day, maybe it’s right after breakfast or your morning shower, maybe you use the moment you get back to your desk after lunch, or maybe you work it into your nightly routine. Whatever you choose as your cue, make sure it’s something you already do every day and make sure that you use the same cue every time.

#2: The Habit - This is the actual habit that you want to create. Whether it’s writing in your journal, meditating for 3 minutes, lighting a candle for your gods, or stirring an intention into your coffee, this is when you want to perform whatever action you’re trying to incorporate into your daily routine.

#3: The Reward - The reward is a crucial step in habit formation! Lack of reward is the primary reason why new habits fail to persist. You absolutely must follow your new habit with something that makes you feel good. Now, for many of you, this reward will be built in. Maybe your reward is the caffeine you get from your now magical coffee, maybe it’s the sense of peace and calm you get from meditating, maybe it’s just the chance to get a moment of quiet in your workday but whatever it is it needs to be consistent. If you’re the kind of person who sometimes feels great after meditation and sometimes doesn’t, then that feeling cannot be your reward! You’ll have to pick something else to reward yourself with. Even if the reward is smiling to yourself and giving yourself a quick “Awesome job!” after completing your new habit, you must find some way to end the habit on a positive note. The last thing to keep in mind, this reward needs to be instantaneous! Don’t reward your habit with the promise of chocolate later in the day, if you want the habit to stick have the chocolate as soon as you’re done.

6. Get out in nature

Sometimes the bustle of life just kind of drowns out the magic. If you’ve ever gotten to the point where you’re so worn thin that you couldn’t have felt the energies necessary to work magic even if you wanted to, you know what I’m talking about. There are times when it feels like that world of magic that we all love so deeply is about a million miles away. When this happens, one of the best ways to reconnect is to get outside. You don’t have to carve out a ton of time to go out and be by yourself in nature, even just 10-15 minutes of walking with a friend in the park can really help to reconnect you to your witchy roots. Get out, experience the raw natural world around you and don’t try to force anything. If all you can do is take a few minutes to appreciate some pretty trees and get moving, that’s plenty. You don’t have to reach a state of ultra-connectedness on this walk, just get out and experience it without needing to rush off somewhere or battling distractions!

7. Spend some time curating witchy music

Music can be an amazing mood modulator. Creating a playlist of nothing but music that makes you feel really witchy can be a great way to jumpstart your witchy mood anytime you want to. It doesn’t have to be stereotypical pagan music, you can skip the Celtic music if it doesn’t make you feel like a witch, and Stevie Nicks does not have to have a place on your playlist unless it makes you feel magical. Personally, I love listening to instrumental guitar music like Chon or putting on some Florence + The Machine. The only thing that you need to take into consideration here is whether or not it makes you feel witchy! Whether it’s rap, top 40’s, or Gregorian chanting, it just needs to get you into a magical mood.

8. Re-read your favourite witchcraft book, or pick up a new one!

When I’m really feeling stuck in my craft this is my go-to. I’m a big reader and find that my moods and interests are often very responsive to what I’m reading at the moment. If you have a favourite witchcraft book that you love, pick it up and re-read it! If you’re not big on re-reading, find something new. It doesn’t have to be a “how to” manual about the craft, choosing fiction, memoirs, or even historical accounts can be so inspiring! Below I’ve listed some of my most recent favourites in case you need a recommendation to get you started.

The Physick Book Of Deliverance Dane by Katherine Howe - This book is a fictional account of a modern day witch discovering her magical heritage. It pulls heavily from pre-modern American witchcraft and is a very fun read for those of you who like witchy fiction.

Witches Of America by Alex Mar - Witches of America is a memoir of the authors exploration of American witchcraft. She explores a myriad of subcultures including Feri, the origins of Wicca, and Thelema all while weaving a compelling narrative of personal growth.

A Great And Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray - The first in a trilogy of novels, this time set in 1895 England. This is a far less traditional approach to fictional magic but the magic, intruige, and danger that underpin the story make it a gripping tale and no less inspiring for the modern day with.

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/2018/5/24/8-ideas-to-inspire-your-magic

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bardovelho · 5 years

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Spotlight Share - Keeping Things Interesting in "Endgame"

Keeping Things Interesting in "Endgame": Are you a longtime Habitican who's seen it all? How do you use Habitica's features to keep things exciting and stay engaged? ___

Intro: this (wall of) text took me several days to write. I tried to remember everything that helped me to be more and more interested and motivated with Habitica. I think this topic is REALLY important and I believe that these tips can help other Habiticans to continue to be Habiticans, achieve great things and build energy to face more and harder challenges and goals!

More than a year ago, some wise member (I'm sorry for not remember your name) teached me that Perfect Days are a good barometer for balancing game and increasing motivation: If I do them easily and every time, I'm not challenging myself; If I never do one, I'm beating myself up with stress and worry. So, to me the perfect balance is to always achieve Perfect Days, but also being always challenged with that. And I have a "Perfect Day" trivial task that is always the last one to be checked, and it brings me great joy every time I increase my streak. This way, I don't get bored, but I also don't get scared with my tasks.

My most recent experience with gamification is using Magic the Gathering cards with a personal paper note covering the text section to schedule tidying my house and personal belongings: I have around 2 cards for each day, and if I do more at the beginning of the week, then I'll have more free time at the end of the week (funny… it usually happens the opposite!). This helps me make sure that I always respect the full cycle, and helps me better understand my patterns and necessities, and what gets delayed. Plus, Magic cards pictures are really beautiful! And, since each card represents a task, I can change one for another, rearrange the order, physically move them around to a place where I'll not forget them, experiment and add more notes to each card. I'm still testing this, but it's looking interesting, so far! I'm thinking about expanding this to my personal hygiene patterns and necessities too (like finding when is the best time to cut my nails, groom my beard or wash my hair, etc.), but it might be a little bit different. Oh, and of course, I have a Daily to remind me to check the next cards in need to be done.

After my biggest and last burnout in Habitica (that lasted for many months and truly hurted my productivity), I also learned a cool strategy to keep me coming back to Habitica instead of running away and avoid my tasks, even if it is right after a burnout. This is my thought process: If I feel that I'm getting really burned out and can't make a Perfect Day tomorrow, I go to the Inn immediately, even if there is a small chance of completing a Perfect Day today. This way, the pressure and damage of Dailies is no longer a problem, which means that I have no fear to face them. I then pay 100 GP for each day Resting in the Inn: this prevents me from resting for too long and become lazy. I'll still come to Habitica while in the Inn, but I only check the tasks that I want: I level up slowly, but I also get motivated for earning points, and eventually earning another level and some other achievements will give me more excitement and willpower. If I'm really low on GP, I subtract some points to that 100 GP fee for each Daily that I complete, as a motivation to do as much Dailies as I can and pay the least possible at that time. By the time that I can complete a Perfect Day, I then think: "Am I on track or do I need more time in the Inn?" If I'm unsure, I wait to reach 3 consecutive Perfect Days to finally get out of the Inn: if I can do it 3 times, I get the flow again.

Hatching pets is now an act for special celebration instead of just a collection thing, because I share them along with special achievements in my Twitter: that is, if I complete a special achievement, I hatch a pet or grow it into a mount. I register my small and big achievements, and even struggles, epiphanies, and any other Habitica personal and game mechanics changes, in my dedicated Twitter account that I use as Diary (I also have a Tumblr account for bigger reports). It's very useful to go there when I'm feeling down, with self-doubt, like when I was dealing with my last big burnout, which took me so long to come back that I even forgot the meaning of some of my tasks and game mechanics (good thing that I wrote almost everything)! At the beginning, I confess that I felt discomfort to share so much personal information, but since my privacy is secure, I'm free to express myself. Also, several people already thanked me for inspiring them. And inspiring other is truly inspiring!

In my Party (Onus Squad), every Monday each member shares a resume of the last week, to promote personal and team accountability. The following W's helps to think and write about it: Wins - Best moments\fights\victories of the week. Wounds - Biggest struggles\difficulties\problems of the week. Whys - What causes the Wounds to happen? You may not know the answer, but if at least you make the right question, it'll help! What's - What you can pro-actively do to make your life better? Adding a new task might help. When's - When you should\want\plan to do it, so that the Wounds happen less or never again. Besides these W's, you can just ask help for anything, of course, and we'll do our best to help. This weekly summary helps a lot on planning, revision, and registering for later conclusions. It's actually a very important routine. I'm also doing a monthly review now, thanks to the NYR guild challenges.

Another very important thing I do: a resume with all the Achievements of my last Adventure. After I reach level 100, I only restart a new adventure after I make a summary of the last one, as detailed as I can, using Display Data Tool, my Twitter diary notes, weekly and monthly summaries, to remind me of what I did. This is as HUGE motivational and inspiring technique, as it makes me be aware of all the things that I achieved. Plus, I can read the summary of all my previous adventures too, which helps me realize how evolved I am today, and reminds me that some automatic habits I have now were big difficulties in the past! This summary is really good to read when I'm sad and in self-doubt: it's incredible how my past self can influence and inspire my present self to become a better future self!

Being active in several guilds, starting conversations, answering and helping, or just reading others posts is actually one of the most important things that helps me stick with Habitica. It makes me realize that I'm not alone and that there are many (inspiring) Habiticans in the world fighting for their Habits. Knowing that other people are dealing with similar struggles as me, helps me to face them more effective, plus I can make questions and there are always useful answers to read! Unfortunately, in real life, I don't have the support system that naturally happens in the Habitica community: the best community in the Universe!

One of my most recent epiphanies: Willpower is like a muscle and also a battery: it needs time to grow and also time to recharge. When I'm feeling very tired after completing a difficult task, I reward myself with chocolate (I have a small reward jar for this purpose, where I cut and put little pieces of chocolate inside), or other guilty pleasure. I found that this helps a lot on restoring, keeping and building motivation.

Being a subscriber also helps on motivation: since I paid for all the extra goodies, I better enjoy them. I also have to make an extra effort to gather GP in order to buy all the monthly gems. Sometimes I buy background sets when I achieve something special or need to change my avatar because I'm getting bored with the same look. Since I was a kid, I loved to collect stuff, so I like to have every new seasonal goodie that's available in the Habitica Market. I try to make sure that I go through all the classes and buy all the awesome equipment with gold. (I'll buy some good looking equipment after posting this text, for sure!)

Last but not least, sometimes I check these great creative guilds to spice up my game: + Habitica Plus Hard Mode Pomodoro Playground and STAG (for challenging Pomodoro technique motivation).

And to finish: Be S.M.A.R.T. and you'll achieve anything!

#Habitica #EN

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jorgesmedicine-blog · 6 years

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Hello Family

So many things I want to share with you. I’m sure you feel the same way too. As a person, I’ve lost the compulsive need to explain myself to others, I think it’d take too much time to do that, we could be doing something more interesting. Much of my writing comes from explaining myself. Not everyone is like me, but that’s only half truth.

I learned that through explaining myself I was able to create bridges of understanding between ideas. With so many ideas disconnected between us, it becomes difficult to reach those peaceful bridges where we meet precisely in the middle.

Have you heard of the term starving artist? It’s a real thing! While some artists are well off and thriving in this way of living, other artists live on bare bones, at the mercy of life, doing the necessary to do what an artist does, live as an artist, but that’s just one way of explaining it to those that haven’t experienced it themselves.

There’s no point in condemning anyone, or diminishing them. I love Earth, so I keep coming back here. Is it for the continuous refinement of the soul, or is it for the celebration of life as it is?

I’m feeling a wave of unagreeable thoughts, dis-validating, disagreeing, creating conflict: ”The problem with most Christians that I’ve met, is that they have a very heavy book which rules their life, for the better and for the worst, they love this book, a lot of them hit you with as they say‑ “it says it in the bible”. They talk about Jesus like if he’s not there listening to them, they scrutinize Jesus life through the bible, they cut Him up like a frog to study Him, they believe themselves holders of the absolute truth (sometimes even above everyone else). They apply logic to the stories, cutting them in half. The other half of the story becoming big shadows, the things that they’re most afraid of: death, punishment, public shame, the devil, sickness, addictions, violence, abuse, absolute freedom.“

And then I thought… AHA! There’s the love! See, some things have to be said with gentleness, sometimes there are stored emotions, stories that keep repeating and they have to come out one way or another so that we can hear what it is that it wants to say.

If I was a vegetable now, I’d be a hot pepper. Stings in the mouth, And maybe even When it comes out, yet, it has great health benefits.

Anything that we consume in excessive excess is indication that something is out of balance. A little bit of everything is the best diet I can imagine, some environments take advantage of that natural feeling. These excesses are telling us that something is happening, is the announcement of something out of balance.

When I write about myself, I get bored. When I write about them, I get critical and judgmental. When I write about us, bridges are created. It doesn’t matter if we scrutinize Jesus or not, I know that by doing this we’re learning immensely about something that we’ll need in this life. But what should we do about that shadow that follows us around everywhere? That shadow that is attached to us but we walk as if it’s not there?

I gave up long ago on the idea that we should all think the same way, or that we should all be the same way and do the same things. I don’t carry that idea that “I’m special, so everybody should think like me, or act like me” I learned to get a deep appreciation of our differences.

The times when I’ve fallen in life, made me realize that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, most likely, I wasn’t loving what I was doing in that moment, I was loving something else. I fell a lot. I still fall a lot, so I continue learning to love what I’m doing now. For me to walk without tragically falling, I have to do what I love. From so much falling, I also learned to fall gracefully, to not let a “no” take me down, to see that it wasn’t anybody’s fault but mine, and at the same time, fault of the universe, or no one’s fault.

If it’s not a fault, if it’s not a mistake, then what is it? an opportunity in disguise maybe, definitely a change in rhythm or note, a moment of awareness increase.

Spiral of Emotions LOVE Peace Joy Gratitude Passion Happiness Courage Pride Hope Acceptance Boredom Annoyance Worry Blame Anger Hatred Bitterness Guilt Shame FEAR

We can experience spiraling up towards love, we can experience spiraling down pulled by fear. To me, these are all natural feelings that we experience regularly with the changes of the day, the changes of the moon, the changing of the seasons. To me, this is a map that taught me to not get stuck in low emotional vibrations, to rise above shame, above guilt, above blame, above boredom. Getting stuck on any of these feelings makes it very impossible to see the big picture, we lose perspective, our senses are distorted, we can’t see right.

I’m not perfect, I stopped aiming for perfecting long ago. We are humans and we’re not always right, we err. I’ve observed that as we do to others, so it is done to us. As we judge others, so we are judged. With the stick that we measure, so will we be measured. These days, this way of living doesn’t feel thriving, doesn’t feel human to me.

My dream is, to find, to create, to invent and to help materialize, solutions/synthesis to the conflicting ideas of this way of living. For us, for our children, for all the living things that hold everyday on their shoulders the heavy weight (footprint) of this way of living, of this great pyramid.

We are pampered and spoiled, this doesn’t come without a consequence. A ripple from our acts, from our choices, a reaction on the world where we co-exist. We are afraid to leave our things behind, to not have “our thing” to make us feel good. What we ignore, the big shadow of this way of living is that it’s consuming and poisoning everything on its path.

The green and wild, getting exploited and covered with cement. The mysteries that were out there in the wild are now being heavily and invasively studied and exploited. What the greedy fingers touch it also destroys. The way we’re giving power to money is what gives them glue to paste all their lies together so that they can treat us the way they do. We give them the power to control our life, power to give us routinely boring jobs with very little reward for the self (mentally, physically, spiritually), very little reward to this world, very little reward to others.

I believe that we met for a reason, that life put us together for something awesome to happen. To all of us. For us to see a part of ourselves that we don’t get to see very often, or perhaps a part of ourselves that we see very often but now we get to see it in a different light. There’s an immense amount of power in the words that we say. Never forget that. The word is the first materialization of a thought, and thought also carries an immense amount of power behind it.

I changed my speaking habits of being sarcastic. Sarcasm isn’t just sarcasm, it isn’t just humor, it’s a poison to our language, to our own power, poison to others. It’s a thing that debilitates us or others, trust me, it’s not something that we should allow in our thesaurus, not on a daily basis at least. There’s no right or wrong, only habits, things that we do that we don’t know we’re doing, things that we picked up in life. Remember, what we give, we receive.

Passive aggressive, is an idea based on blame and guilt. This idea is like tying a knot on the spiral of emotions. The emotions come trying to flow, they find a blocking knot and start accumulating. Then comes the business man, once a month, when the hose is full, about to explode, and with their special syringes they drain the juices of our tasty emotions.

Sometimes we experience ideas like this and we don’t know how to react, we don’t know what to say, or we know what we want to say but don’t know how to say it. This is one of the most humble human thing we can experience. Sometimes it makes me feel angry or ashamed or blameful, for not knowing what to do, or what to say. That doesn’t stop me from breathing and realizing that I’m getting upset because I don’t know what to do.

We can’t solve a problem in the pit where we fell. The answer is somewhere else, how we get to that somewhere else is how we solve the problem.

Blindly following progress, success and perfection, we can aim for those things but we lose sight of what is already perfect. We become condemned victims to perfection, to that dragging never-ending idea of progress, that we sacrifice so much for, while we let the precious moments die by the thousands.

Don’t get me wrong, I have appreciation for whatever people choose to do with their life, I appreciate the love that I receive in any form, I live in gratefulness for what I have and for what I don’t have, your actions, your words I heard. They go through me, bouncing all the way around, have a tap dance in my stomach, a kick in the crotch area, then, it finally comes back to my heart, and back to my mind as these words that I write for us tonight.

Everybody is important, don’t forget this. We are all children of this Earth, we all came to this place in a most fashionable way! Our journeys began very similarly, then as we go through life things become very different for all of us. Different parents, different forms of birth. Our journey began (or continued, or transformed) in the orgasm of our father into the fertile egg in our mother’s womb. All the conditions were right for us to make it here from the sperm form. From that mysterious world, to this mysterious world.

Behind we left millions of us, the ones that didn’t make it to the egg in time. But I don’t think their life gets wasted, that’s just not the way of life, I think they are like seeds that fall back into the soil. We’re all important, we are all connected, we can’t deny that. For us to be alive, others had to die. The law of creator is written in you, in your body, in your existence, in your DNA, in everything that makes you “you”.

Making some things more important than others, is forgetting that everything is connected. It’s hard to imagine, that our children are not any more or less important than the children of others. Everything and everyone has the mark of beauty when you look at it with clear eyes. That someone has eyes doesn’t mean that they can see, that they can see doesn’t mean that they have eyes.

I mean that written inside you and me are the laws for our growth, the information and tools necessary for growing, to be what we are meant to be. We never stop being that thing that we were meant to be, because we were meant to be that thing that we were, we are meant to be that thing that we are.

I have faith and conviction that the law is there and it knows how to growth without having to go to university or follow passing religions. Like a cub grows into a tiger, like a baby grows into a human, like an egg hatches into a bird, like a seed grows into a tree.

Only we know what charges us with energy (life giving energy, creative energy, sexual energy, ki, gi, ji, our source of power). Only we know what drains us out of energy and what limits our growth. It’s nobody else’s responsibility but our own. Only we are responsible for keeping our energy, our garden, for getting it what it needs. It’s important to learn to communicate in terms of energy, to learn how to flow in life gracefully, to know how to ask for space from others, to feel and understand when we need space, to learn how to make a safe space for someone who needs it, to see and speak the truth of your existence.

Thank you for everything that we’ve shared.

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