#I see it in the way my mom refuses to use the correct pronouns for my dad even though they are out to her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aechii · 1 year

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Heyy, first of all I just wanna say I love your writing and I really really appreciate you writing for black readers 💖 I wanted to request a kylian story about reader meeting his family for the first time, maybe bonding with his mom and Ethan if thats possible 😊 (also are we getting a second part for good luck charm??)

₍⁠₍ ONE OF US ₎⁠₎

PAiRiNG ?! boyfriend!kylian x black!femreader

GENRE ?! romance, fluff (😞)

C/W ?! written in 3rd person since i can't write in 2nd person for shit, she/her pronouns used, kylian whines alot, ethan is too mature for his own good lool, KYLIAN ISN'T DRIVING !!!

A/N ?! i luvvvv this request :) im glad you appreciate my works, it means a lot to me since i really want to make my black readers feel included <3

tried to make it not too fluffy (😞) but im sorry if i failed. part 2 of 'good luck charm' will be the next fic released after this so stay tuned for that (hopefully before the end of this week). anyways, hope i did ur request justice, anon 🖤

~°~

one and a half hours on road, and the ending of the everlasting queue of cars and headlights seemed out of sight. a traffic light suspended from the sky, like a descending black orb, and [y/n] tilted her head as she leaned forward to observe it. sighed, resting back as the lowness of her car's hood rendered her efforts futile, and instead, relied on the agonising snail-speed of the moving cars ahead.

"traffic's heavy today."

kylian responded with a quiet hum, tapping her thigh to the beat of the playing song, "yeah, bad day to go out but my mum's expecting you."

fear hovered just beneath her skin and kylian noticed the tremble of her hands. they gripped the steering wheel, as if to strangle it dead, sure that the grooves of the grips had indented into her palms. he gave a reassuring squeeze to her leg, then stretched forward to peck her cheek.

"you'll be alright, they'll love you."

her eyebrows remained crinkled, "are you sure?"

kylian gave an affirmative nod, "of course— honestly they'll love anybody who isn't me."

she knew his words were a tad bit hyperbolic, but it made her laugh anyways.

"really?"

"yeah. their dear kylian can be a handful sometimes."

[y/n] was quick to nod at that, "you're not wrong there."

in any other instance, kylian would find fault in her words and be haste to correct her, whining. yet, he watched how the knots of her fingers grew loose and how her shoulders untensed and settled with ease, and bit his tongue.

silence dallied in the car, save kylian's hums of every song that cried from the radio. the congestion had lightened and they both rolled forward a couple of feet per minute.

"quick warning though, ethan is most likely to drag you to play fifa with him. don't be scared to say no," kylian rolled his eyes after; she found their bond way too endearing and wholesome for her heart to take.

"says that he needs to add to his fifa kill count, and literally verses anybody he can," he proceeded. [y/n] would think he meant his irritation if she didn't peak the slight grin that ghosted his lips. he could never dislike the boy, of course.

"i see where he gets his competitiveness from," she joked, surging the car forward as the light turned green. the motorway is long left behind, and the distant city blended and smothered into the view before them.

"are you one of his kill counts?"

kylian kissed his teeth, and it triggered a hearty laugh from the girl beside him, "that's not even the point. i've demanded rematches and he still refuses to."

"babe, i think it's a sign that you should suck it up and accept that he's better than you at fifa."

"in your dreams," arms were crossed and he ignored her grin, looking out the window, "i'm forcing him to play today."

the gps ordered her to take a left, and she swiftly took the sharp corner, bustling streets dwindling behind them as they entered a quieter road.

"i will be supporting you— although i can't guarantee that i will for all of the games you play."

"so- what? you'll be rooting for ethan?" his words left his mouth as if they were bitter and salty on his tongue.

"mhm."

she only said that to rile up the man, finding humour in his disdain. in kylian's eyes, [y/n] was his, and only his, hype woman.

"traitor."

"love you too."

they fell into tranquil muteness as the sight of kylian's childhood house is unveiled by the skyscraping evergreen trees that seemed to be a habitual plant around this side of paris. it's not entirely big, but large enough that, from the outside, it was obvious that it situated two floors. gated and neatly groomed grass carpeted the front lawn, bright green and dotted with white. daisies, she predicted.

the car undulated to a halt, and [y/n] released a sigh.

"we're here... finally."

kylian shifted in his seat, facing his girlfriend, "yeah, we are." reached to scoop her hands in his, "and as i said, you have nothing to be scared about. i love you, hm? even if they don't like you, which i highly doubt will happen, it won't change a thing, okay?"

nodded and tilted forward to kiss her boyfriend. kylian's hand rested gently upon her cheek as he deepened it, lips tenderly harsh as he attempted to portray his words into action, too. a ping from his phone caused them to break contact, turning it on as he read the text from the notification bar.

mama ❤️ i see a car outside. stopping hogging the poor girl and come inside, it's too hot.

"who is it?" [y/n] asked.

kylian showed her the text and she softly chuckled as she read it, "you heard her. let's go."

they depart, not before kylian gave her hand a reassuring peck, and they amble to the front door.

kylian looked at her, finger at the ready to poke the doorbell, "ready?"

"i think so, yeah."

+_-

greeted with a warm, encompassing hug, [y/n] was pulled inside, her boyfriend complaining behind her as he was left behind.

"okay, forget your own son then," he gruntled, closing the door as the warm air from outside began to mesh with the cold one inside.

fayza, his mother, kissed her teeth. undeniably kylian's mother.

"as if i don't see you more than i want to."

an arm circled [y/n]'s waist, head tucking itself into her neck as lips muttered complaints into her skin. she patted his hand in faux sympathy.

they're escorted to the back garden, filled to them brim with kids no taller than her waist, and chattering adults. it was welcoming chaos, one that made her feel settled and content because everyone was happy, doing they're own thing as they gathered as one family.

and now, she was to be one of them.

broken out of her reverie, fayza's voice cut through the cacophony, and all heads turned toward their direction.

"everyone, meet [y/n], kylian's girlfriend. make her feel comfortable and at home for me," her face was illuminated with a smile.

a little voice, she presumed was of one of kylian's nieces, sounded from just beside them.

"she's very pretty!"

[y/n]'s heart swelled, and she untangled herself from her boyfriend's hold, crouching down in front of the infant, "thank you, love. what's your name?"

she reponded, full of eagerness, "marie!"

[y/n] chuckled, "you have a very pretty name, don't you?"

the toddler nodded, as she signalled for [y/n] to pick her up. arms wrapped around the small girl securely, she stood up, swirling the girl around as she giggled loudly, then began to ask her questions about her and kylian's relationship. her curiosity was overwhelmingly adorable and [y/n] could feel her face muscles ache at the undying smile.

kylian watched from the doorframe, eyes drenched in obvious adoration as his girlfriend began to go around, socialising with the rest of his family. his sister is quick to welcome her with a hug and a kiss to the cheek, ruffling the curls of her daughter in [y/n]'s arms. if he hadn't decided to grow old with the girl, he certainly did now, for the sight of his most beloveds intertwining with so little difficulty made him feel full with joy.

+_-

the little girl in her arms began to grow restless, and with the sweltering heat beating upon her skin, [y/n] unleashed the hyperactive kid, submerging back into the air conditioned space inside. she went to look for kylian, stopping at the door of the living room (overly spacious, but embossed with pictures and trophies, made it feel smaller and more homely than expected) as she noticed two boys frantically clicking button on a controller, tv glowing with running, animated people in a sea of green. decided to not disturb and leave kylian to (hopefully) reign victorious this time round.

[y/n] found herself exploring the corridors of the house, gazing into framed photos hung upon the walls. a family so deeply knitted that not one was left out, and she couldn't help the thought of her face one day being displayed with pride, maybe with kylian beside her, or maybe just her, as she alone was enough to be one of them.

she ventured into the kitchen absentmindedly, meeting fayza stirring into a steam pot, napkin draped over her shoulder.

pushed all her nerves aside as she saw an opportunity to bond with her mother-in-law, "is there anything i can help with, ma'am?"

she was quick to spin around, a smile blooming as she recognised her voice, "you want to help?" [y/n]'s gesture was thoroughly appreciated, but the question left fayza's throat apprehensively.

"yes," then a laugh, accompanied by a permanent smile, "kylian is playing fifa with ethan so i really have nothing to do."

the older woman grunted knowingly, shuffling through the kitchen as [y/n] shadowed her.

"that's all the do when he comes here," a freckled hand is waved, aloof, "don't mind them."

she slid a bowl of freshly washed vegetables, dappled with droplets of water, "dice these for me, dear."

[y/n] acquiesced promptly, and the kitchen swiftly subsided into a warm silence. she chopped them with such experienced velocity, and fayza showed her an approving smile, althought she was too focused to notice.

"you know what you're doing."

the girl turned to the woman next to her, grinning, "have to be, or kylian would be a lost cause."

the guffaw that followed was thick with expectance and genuine hilarity, "you're very funny, looking after that boy isn't an easy task."

"you can definitely tell me about it," she fell silent as she focused on cutting off the butt of the onion, "but i love him, and forever will."

fayza felt her skin buzz with exhilaration and couldn't fight the urge to hug the lady helping her.

"you're such a lovely girl, perfect for my kylian," broke the hug and scanned the face of the girl that had her son immeasurably in love, "stand by him, okay? people out there are harsh, and, yes, i know that he's a strong boy, but with you beside him, he'll be stronger."

[y/n] exhaled, leaning against the counter as fayza started to fry the vegetables that she had chopped, "i won't lie to you and say it's easy because it's not," a hand rubbed down her face, "i don't get why people are so... brutal. it's like the only focus on his negatives when they lose, but praise him when they win, and i see that it gets to him a lot."

fayza knew what they, as a family, holding the name mbappé, just like the one that etched the back of france's golden boy, were getting themselves into. a life no longer hidden, everything was out and vulnerable for everyone to see, and if each blink and breath wasn't scrutinized by 'fans' (as they liked to call themselves, but tend to act otherwise) then something wasn't right.

"that's just how the world is, dear. they're backstabbers, running wild with no inch of humanity left in them. but you have to remain sturdy, be it alone or with the support of other people. and for kylian's case, he has us."

us. [y/n]'s skin crawled with thrill.

"you're part of the family, now, [y/n]," fayza smiled, eyes lined with aged wrinkles, deepened with the peaks and troughs of the past, and still to, with what was yet to come, "one of us."

she smiled, heart clashing with her ribs, "thank you, fayza. it really means a lot."

she returned it, arms agape, "it's nothing, dear. now, come here!"

[y/n] entered her arm, laughing loudly as her mother-in-law kissed her forehead, "and remember, if kylian ever does anything wrong, tell me, and i'll deal with him."

"i definitely will, ma'am."

she was given a disapproving look in return, "ma'am? please, call me fayza, or mum, which i prefer." winked and laughed.

however, their moment was cut short as shouts outside the door began to crescendo.

"—not only are you running away but your running to your girlfriend who i didn't even know was here!"

the kitchen is penetrated by the fury of two boys, of which their ages were miles apart but would think were near by how they acted, kylian's face contorted into a frown, "it would be a curse to introduce her to you, ethan."

the teenage boy gasped, kicking his brother, "take that back!"

"over my dead body!"

ethan scowled back, looking at her, before any trace of his negative expression seemed to disappear into thin air, "[y/n]! oh my days, you're prettier in real life!"

she grinned sheepishly, "thank you, ethan."

kylian, however, found no amusement in his words, hiding his girlfriend behind him, "oh please stop that crap. get yourself your own girlfriend!"

"and you just love hating! i bet your girlfriend is better than you at fifa."

"take. that. back."

"let's see it," he walked towards her, putting on the best puppy eyes he could muster, grabbing and tugging her arm, "please, [y/n]? play fifa with me?"

kylian glared at him, slapping his hand away.

"don't touch her!"

she turned to look at fayza, who nudged her head, "don't worry about it, go and take those hooligans with you."

+_-

10 minutes later, ethan was one goal down, with [y/n] on a aggregate score of 3.

"you're good at this— like good good. better than kylian."

to ethan's satisfaction, his older brother had been summoned by his mother to help her, saying he 'needed to use that football strength to good use'.

"how the hell did he even get a girlfriend like you? way too good for him, in my humblest opinion." she knew his question was far from ill-mannered, and didn't take it to heart. ethan tend to say whatever came to his mind at that moment.

"he definitely tried his hardest to ask me out," [y/n] stated, chuckling at the ever-vivid memory of his unrelenting advances.

"he's never one to give up, is he?"

she shook her head, "absolutely not. gave him my number for professional use only, and he saw the opportunity to flirt with me."

ethan visibly cringed at the fact, "that's embarassing."

"it was cute," she shrugged, "until it actually started to work and it all went downhill- or rather uphill- from there."

ethan's irises glimmered as he attempted a shot, but took in a sharp breath as he missed.

"all i can say is, he loves really hard. hasn't loved anyone as much as you, but from what i hear from him about you, he's deeply infatuated. i think it's scary, at this point," paused to regain his bearings as the ball was within [y/n]'s possession once again, "but, as much as i make fun of him, he's a good person. sometimes too good for his own sake."

he spoke truth. truth that hurt, because kylian's kindness was constantly taken for weakness, but he always, without fail, moved past it without another thought wasted.

"and he hides how much it affects him."

"exactly," ethan responded immediately, then laughed, "you know him just as much, or even more than me."

[y/n] grinned, "happens when you spend everyday with the boy. he's more readable than he thinks."

"or maybe you adore him so much that you just... care."

silence, then, "or maybe that."

it was only the noise of intense clicking and frustrated sighs that filled the room for a few minutes. it was a relaxed quietude, one that none saw the need to disrupt, but ethan wanted to express how grateful he was for [y/n]'s presence in his brother's life. it was comforting to know that he had someone, that wasn't a platonic friend, to confide in and find solitude in.

"you two were definitely meant to be."

"you think?"

"yeah," he looked at her, taking a hand off of the controller to punch her lightly in her arm, "i see you becoming [y/n] mbappé, one day."

"really?" her voice was incredulous, "you see me being one of you lot?"

"come on [y/n]," ethan rolled his eyes affectionately, "you're already one of us."

#work de aechii 🫧#kylian mbappe x you #kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe imagines #kylian x reader #kylian imagines #kylian mbappe oneshots #x black reader #x black fem reader #footballer x reader #football imagines #footballer x you #kylian mbappe

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heartscrypt · 9 months

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Do you have any headcanons for transfem Riddle

OH BOY DO I EVER. sorry this is going to be a HELLISH long post i have been saving all my thoughts

- before riddle realizes she's a girl she does the thing of like. "mother i want to be like you" and mimicks her mother a lot (this is because her mother is the only female figure in her life and riddle doesn't Actually want to be her mom she wants to be what her mom Is which is a WOMAN). her mother, being an overbearing control freak, is far too pleased by this (because she enjoys the idea of a child who is a second version of her)

- never goes as far as trying to wear her mother's dresses or putting on her mother's makeup because touching her mother's personal items feels like a death sentence regardless of how badly she wants to dress up. instead settles for encouraging her mother to buy them matching clothing so that riddle can dress a little more femininely while also flying under the radar

- she realized she was a girl around the time she started sneaking out to see chenya and trey. mostly because they would start talking about themselves when they were playing. chenya especially has always been ambiguously gendered even as a kid (and occasionally i think of trey as transmasc) so they were kind of her gateway to the concept of "you don't have to be the gender you were assigned at birth"

- she grew up with a very black and white view of gender though so she initially refused to come to terms with the fact that she was transfem when chenya + trey brought it up as a possibility. denied it adamantly and insisted that maybe it wasnt true for them but She was confined to the gender she was at birth despite however she felt

- in response chenya just started referring to her using she/her anyways. lol. sending this girl into a crisis by using her proper pronouns before she even comes to terms with the fact that those are her proper pronouns

- approached the subject of wanting to be a girl Once with her mom. her mom reacted like ?what and riddle got scared and immediately backed down

(note: this is because riddle is terrified of her mom's reaction to literally Anything that doesn't fit her vision of what riddle Should be, not necessarily because riddle's mom is transphobic. it's an easy route to say she's transphobic since she's. You know. The Worst. but i have to remind you all that you can be a shitty person even if you're not transphobic and also i think transphobia hcs in fictional universes where transphobia could plausibly not exist are cornyyyy boooooo why would you want transphobia to exist in canon /hj)

- socially transitioned as soon as she came to nrc. like marched up to crowley's office as soon as freshman orientation was over and demanded to change her gender on all school documentation. girl relax its been like an hour

- has not had the means to medically transition yet (her mother has complete control over her medical records) but has been researching the effects of hrt on her own time. it's part of her "studies to be a medical mage" (wink)

- in her freshman year she's still not used to being socially out despite having charged into it at full speed so. she uses heartslabyul rules as a cover of sorts so she can justify to herself things like putting on eyeliner and wearing heels (because that's tradition for the heartslabyul housewarden, not because she wants to. Obviously). fighting invisible demons

- the last time trey saw riddle was when she was still trying to fit into her assigned gender at birth so she's so incredibly nervous meeting him again this time with the knowledge that she's a girl. she knows he'll be accepting because hes. Trey. but it still feels strange. however he is her biggest supporter 🔥🔥🔥 one of her first gender euphoria moments is when he introduces her to cater as one of his childhood best friends and uses the correct pronouns the entire time while referring to riddle's past closeted self. she nearly cries

- deuce (cis) is way too enthusiastic about being an ally. he wears his he/him pronoun badge with pride. addresses riddle as ma'am. drinks his respect women juice. maybe puts a little Too much emphasis on riddle being a lady to the point where riddles like Ok this is too much.

- riddle and vil are baby transfem + elder transfem solidarity. this is honestly just canon if you read the halloween riddle vignette. but im gonna take it one step further and say vil helps riddle gradually feel more comfortable with her identity without feeling the need to justify her actions with some arbitrary rule. also instructs her on how to do makeup because riddles never done anything like that pre-nrc

- cater (genderfluid, loves to experiment on both sides of the gender spectrum when it comes to fashion) definitely regularly insists on taking riddle out to buy cute clothes and dresses. riddle bristles at the idea of being so frivolous when the only thing she Needs to wear at nrc is the uniform but she actually finds herself enjoying the little outings. after they go shopping they'll go to a nice cafe so that riddle can get a cute sweet treat and cater can post it on his magicam without actually having to consume anything sweet himself. they are friends :')...

- ohhhh thinking about their shopping trips is so </3 i love them so much. riddle has old lady fashion taste (tfw your middle aged mom is the only female figure in your life for 16 years and all she wears is dresses that look like theyre from the 17th century) and cater is just a little appalled. says the clothes riddle picks out aren't even vintage they're just Old. riddle retorts that the clothes cater picks out make no sense style-wise. she thinks things like crop tops and ripped jeans are stupid as a concept ("where's the rest of the shirt?" and "why would you want to buy damaged pants?" are common questions cater must endure when shopping for any type of modern fashion with riddle around)

- ace (transmasc guy) likes to torment riddle with gender-affirming misogyny. it's a joke that it is only funny to him. like he'll go "girls 🙄 all they do is nag" (he says its funny because he used to be a girl ok he's allowed to say that) whenever riddle starts bossing him around and riddle gets sooo fucking madhdDGDHHFH

#twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #twst #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts #jamie talks #txt post #the public forum #holy shit this is fucking LONG #sorry guys. if they didn't want me to post paragraphs about transfem riddle they shouldn't have made her transfem #idk what to tell yall #thems the breaks

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whoevers-listening · 1 year

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My Mom is a Trans Ally

I've known who I am for years...if I felt safe to and felt like I'd be accepted by the people most important to me, I'd be out of the closet as a trans masc.

I have been out before, for well over a year in fact. at first my mom and siblings were okay with it but quickly my brother began to make negative comments about the LGBTQ+ community and threatening to fight me physically because apparently that's what it is to be a man. my dad was never supportive, he refused to use my name and pronouns, he told me I was confused and stressing everyone out for no reason. He told me I was crazy and that I would probably end up being murdered if I continued to "pretend". My sister was indifferent which I respected and my mom was always support. she caught onto pronouns and my name the fastest out of anyone. I don't know why exactly but I began to think that my gender identity was more trouble than it was worth. I started to believe that everyone was going to leave me...including my mom who was my biggest support. I believed began to believe that my mom was only being supportive because she felt obligated to and that she secretly resented me.

needless to say, I went back in the closet. It hurt and I lost myself again but in some ways it was easier because I wasn't receiving eternal judgement. I went back to using my deadname and figured I'd get used to it even though I never had, not even before coming out the first time. My deadname feels so disconnected from me and it's a startling reminder that I am pretending once again every time some one uses my deadname to address me. it sounds so strange to me because that's not what I think of myself as.

the other day, my mom, siblings and I were joking around about how my brother is my mom's favorite out of her kids. she replied by saying that I was her favorite when I had been out as a trans man. this simple comment filled me with more happiness than I've felt in years. It was so validating and I went to bed smiling that night which isn't something I've done in a LONG time.

it's nice to know that she sees me...she's mentioned before that she's noticed a change in my mood since going back in the closet. she's mentioned how I isolate more and how angry I am all the time. I think she knows and it makes me feel so grateful to have her. I feel understood, validated, seen and loved. I know now that if I were to come out and everyone hated me, she'd be there for me.

I honestly don't know why I believed she resented me...I remember being out and how she would talk about me and introduce me to people. We reconnected with my mom's side about a year into my coming out and my grandmother refused to use my preferred name and pronouns...I was expecting it because of how my dad and his side had treated me and was going to just stay quiet but my mom stepped in and stood up for me. when my nana declared that I would always be her granddaughter, my mom physically removed me from the situation and apologized, she told me that I didn't have to put up with people like that. that wasn't the only time either...she informed out landlords and often corrected them. she and I would celebrate when I passed in public and laugh together because often time people thought I was a preteen boy.

I miss that...even though I got so much hate from so many other people...my mom was always supportive and kind, ready to go to bat for me at any moment. I'm grateful to have her and I know now that when I am ready, she will be too.

#transmasc #transgender #trans support #trans man #trans guy #lgbtq #trans pride #trans ftm #lgbtqiia+#lgbtqplus #lgbt pride

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banannabethchase · 1 year

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Matt's a senior in high school, co-captain of the cheerleading team, and doing a pretty good job in school. He's also, well. She's also a girl, which is somehow not the biggest deal in her life right now.

Nick's a junior in high school, an MVP candidate for the basketball team, and doing his best. He's also definitely not in love with his best friend, unless he's telling the truth.

So for some ungodly reason I decided to do another high school AU for my April Camp NaNoWriMo, and here is the fruit of that labor. It's fluffy and a bit cheesy and maybe unrealistic in parts, but I think we deserve some queer joy in our lives, don't we?

Note: throughout this fic, Matt's pronouns shift depending on her mindset, what others know, and what she has told the other people to refer to her as throughout the story. If you see a pronoun error you think is not narratively relevant, please let me know, and I will check :)

Here is the playlist for the fic, because I can't do anything without making an accompanying playlist: Set the World Alight - an AEW High School AU Playlist

Saturday, November 29th

Nick

Matt jumps about a foot when Nick opens the door to his bedroom.

“Holy crap,” Matt says, hand to his heart. “You scared me. Knock next time, will you?”

“I did knock,” Nick says. “What’s your deal?”

“Nothing,” Matt says, adjusting his ponytail. Nick doesn’t get why he fusses with it so much. It always looks right. “I’m fine. You ready?”

Nick nods. “Just have to get the bags in the car and we’ll head over.”

Matt checks his reflection one last time and walks to the door. They make their way downstairs like always – shoving at each other to see who will make it to the kitchen first.

“Would you two stop trying to kill each other to get to the kitchen?” Their mother is mildly amused but mostly tired, coffee in hand as she sips. “It’s like raising two deer with the way you two always lock horns.”

“We don’t lock horns, Mom,” Matt says, rolling his eyes. Nick pokes him in the ribs. “Ow! Nicholas here just refuses to admit that, as the older brother, I should get first pick of the pancakes.”

“You’re just jealous I’m finally taller than you,” Nick fires back. Matt gets him in a noogie.

“Boys. It’s not even eight in the morning. I need you to stop before I lose my mind.”

Matt lets go, Nick fixes his hair, and they eat their breakfasts fast enough that their mom has to leave the room. "I raised two wildebeests," she mutters, making her way to the living room. "Where did I go wrong?"

"You didn't!" Nick yells. "Matt's stole a pancake!"

"Alright, well, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," she says. She doesn't even bother to peek her head in. “Drive safe to the game, you two!”

“I will,” Matt calls back. “And it’s a scrimmage.”

“Don’t correct your mother!”

Once the pancakes are gone, Nick muscles Matt out of the way and insists on driving the three miles to the school. Matt is less than pleased about it based on the pout he wears the whole drive, but Matt lights up when he sees the group of players and cheerleaders collecting in front of the bus.

“Looks like we’re riding together,” Matt says.

Nick nods. “Apparently that’s the new plan this year. Cuts down on buses to have you all on the bus with us, and third team and JV traveling together.”

“Sit with me?” Matt asks. “I mean, if you want to.”

Nick nods. “Sure. I always want to.”

Matt beams at him, and Nick doesn’t understand how still, after all this time, he doesn’t seem to believe the people on the cheer squad actually like him.

“Alright, let me check in with coach, and I’ll be right there.”

Matt slides in next to Britt, who is half supporting Jamie who looks like she still hasn’t woken up all the way.

“Nicky,” says Cole, clapping him on the shoulder. “Late. As always.”

“That is entirely Matt’s fault,” Nick insists. “And Mom’s. She made us eat breakfast.”

“Oh, what a tragedy,” Moxley says, pretending to faint. “I had a can of coke for breakfast. I’d kill for, like. Actual food.”

Nick briefly digs in his gym back and pulls out a granola bar. “It’s not homemade or anything, but you can have this.” He tosses it to Mox, who lights up.

“Hell yeah.”

He proceeds to scarf down the granola bar at a speed Nick is mildly disturbed by, and the coach calls them over a second later.

“Alright, boys,” he glances over, “er, and Jamie.”

Half the team rolls their eyes. Coach was getting better with it, but he constantly forgets Jamie’s not just one of the guys. Sure, she’ll take you out harder than any guy on any team, but she’s still a girl.

Specifically, a girl who was kicked out of the girl’s league for playing too hard.

“We’re on the bus with the cheerleaders, effective today. I don’t want to see any hanky-panky on there, you hear?”

“Yeah, Jamie,” Mox says, nudging her with his elbow, “don’t want a repeat of you and Britt in the science labs.”

Jamie blushes bright red. “Oh, shut up, Moxley, we all know what you and Kingston were up to last year at the championship game. You’re one to talk.”

“No one should be talking,” Coach says. Nick wonders when he’ll give up and let the team do their own thing. It’s always what works best. “Alright. Bowens and Caster, you are not allowed to sit next to each other after last week.”

“Aw!” the two of them whine.

“No,” Coach Gunn says, pointing at the two of them. “You two keep it up, I’ll make your parents drive you to and from the games, and you can deal with them.”

The two of them shrink. “Okay,” Bowens mutters.

“Yuta, you sit with Caster,” Coach Gunn demands. “Nick, you’re sitting with Bowens.”

“Wait, what?” Nick asks. “I already promised Matt –”

“Your brother will figure it out. I need somebody responsible to sit with these two clowns.”

Nick texts Matt to let him know, and gets a frowny face in return.

You can sit with Britt or Willow, you’ll be fine.

Willow’s sitting with Riho!! And Britt’ll be with Jamie!!

Nick exhales. Okay, sit with literally anybody. Nobody’s gonna kick you off the bus.

He gets back a panicked combination of emojis, and Nick begins to wonder why Matt’s so frickin’ weird.

They pile into the bus and Matt’s on his arm in a second.

“Everybody else has a bus person,” Matt mutters. “You are my bus person.”

“I have been assigned Anthony Bowens duty,” Nick says.

“Hey!”

“I am not wrong,” Nick tells Anthony over his shoulder. “Just, Matt, sit wherever’s a free seat. Everybody knows you. You’re fine.”

Matt’s eyes flicker around the faces in line. “But there’s nobody else I want to sit with!”

“Just – figure it out!”

Once they get on the bus, Nick peeks around to make sure Matt’s not crying on the ceiling out of panic or anything. To Nick’s surprise, Matt’s plopped down in the first open seat, right next to Danny Garcia. He doesn’t look any kind of comfortable, but he’s seated and not crying or anything, so Nick considers it a win.

Interesting choice he texts to him. Bowens slides in to the seat a few behind Matt and Danny, and Nick moves to follow.

Matt turns around as Nick’s shoving Bowens further into the seat and glares.

He was pouting because Yuta’s stuck with Caster, so we both will be miserable together.

Nick rolls his eyes.

“What?” Bowens asks. “You’re being weird.”

“I’m not being weird,” Nick says, getting comfortable for the bust ride to the game. “I’m existing on a bus.” He closes his eyes, tries to relax. “You aren’t going to do anything weird, are you?”

Bowens makes a sad little sound. “No. Caster and I planned on putting silly putty in somebody’s hair, but it doesn’t feel right to do it without him.”

Nick is awake and alert the entire ride.

Matt

He resists the urge to text Nick frantically the whole car ride, and instead settles for trying to start his English essay. They’re finished with the personal narratives, finally, but he’s now stuck analyzing Salome and that whole poem is a lot to deal with.

He’s also been assigned the role of Salome in his all-boy group to present, and, well. He – he thinks this might be reminding him of something he’s been trying really hard not to think about.

Something she’s been trying really hard not to think about.

Matt isn’t sure, is the thing. Sure, he feels like a girl, but doesn’t everybody, sometimes? Doesn’t everybody sometimes convince themselves that they don’t belong with the certain body, the certain presentation they were born with?

Glancing around the bus, nobody is paying attention to him. Danny’s snoring, mouth open as he leans against the window. Jamie and Britt aren’t not making out in the seat next to him, and the rest of the bus looks otherwise occupied.

So he googles it.

how do you know if you’re actually trans and not just faking

hhat does trans feel like

how do you know if you’re a girl

He’s thankful for the two hour bus ride, for once in his life, because he’s able to read testimonies from so many people – from trans women in their thirties, nonbinary people in their forties, trans men at sixty-five. He’s baffled – he didn’t know this many people existed. He takes a deep breath. He didn't know this many people who think the same as he does existed.

He also is a little baffled at a common theme that keeps popping up: if you think you’re trans, you probably are.

The bus stops and he’s – well, he’s not sure he’s “he”, is the thing, but he has some other things to focus on right now.

Matt’s pretty sure the first game of the season has never felt so exhilarating, even though it’s not really the first game. His team does a pretty good job of keeping the energy going on the sidelines, but, even with the modifications from the football seasons in place, they put on a great halftime show. Better than the other team, if he’s being realistic.

“I’m not bragging, Wills,” he says to Willow, “I’m being objective. Our routine had, like, four times the difficulty of theirs.”

“Matt, you know this one isn’t a competition, right?” Willow throws one of those smiles his way, the kinds where he’s glad he’s gay so he doesn’t fall in love with her. “It’s okay that they weren’t as good as we are.”

“That’s all I’m looking for,” Matt says, tossing his ponytail over his shoulder. “An – an agreement.”

They do their cheering duties for the team through the second quarter, and Matt cheers extra loudly when Nick gets something like eight points in four minutes, which Matt knows enough to know it’s impressive.

“Hey! Jamie didn’t punch that guy!” Riho says, leaning over to look at Britt. “That’s good, right?”

Britt nods, a proud smile on her lips. “Yeah. She’s been doing so good with not punching people. Well, during games. There was that time at the movies.”

“That asshole deserved it,” Matt says.

“Ooh,” Riho says, “Matt’s swearing. It must have been quite the problem to earn that.”

Matt rolls his eyes. “I swear.”

“Like, almost never,” Britt says. “But, yeah. He deserved it.”

The game finishes up around noon, and Matt is starving.

“I told you to bring a snack,” Nick says, devouring a protein bar.

“Can I have a bite?”

Nick turns, cradling the bar and glaring at Matt. “Starve.”

“Oh, that’s cold.”

Matt turns to see Jon Moxley, grinning. “Right?” Matt says. “He’s so mean to me.”

“Am not!”

“I don’t know, Nick,” Mox says, eyes flicking to Matt. Almost like he wants to make sure Matt’s still watching. “Refusing to give your brother food? That sounds pretty mean.”

Matt grins, a little smarmy. “See? You’re so mean to me. Even Mox knows it.”

Nick looks between both of them. “I’m walking away now.”

Matt throws his best smile at Mox, because why not, and gets something a little sweet, a little not so sweet back.

He spends the rest of the bus ride trying and failing to do his math homework. Somebody decided to sing 99 Bottles of Jizz on the wall and, while funny, Matt’s kind of sick of it at 84 bottles and it’s only going to get worse.

“This is hell,” Danny says, staring straight ahead of him. Matt thinks he looks a little like a person in that zoned out state in movies, like when they’re trying to show a flashback. “I’ve never heard the word ‘jizz’ said so much in my life.”

Matt tries a reassuring pat on his shoulder. “You can borrow my headphones, if you want? The basketball team is full of some…interesting people.”

Danny shakes his head. “No, I got my own.”

“Oh,” Matt says, moving his hand. “Then – then why aren’t you listening to literally anything else?”

Danny shrugs. “I really don��t know.”

They stop at a gas station about an hour into the ride, and Matt flies into there, desperate for a snack and some caffeine.

“Don’t get distracted in the snack aisle!” Coach Gunn hollers after him. “You either, O’Reilly.”

Nick bumps his shoulder as he walks to the candy aisle. “Don’t get lost, dork.”

“Oh, shut up,” he calls as he hops his way to the wall with all the coolers. If the universe is in his favor, there will be plenty of double shots available for him to shove into his face. He’s still got an entire math assignment to finish on the bus.

He snags a bag of Chex Mix on his way to the cooler, and spots the coffee drinks. There’s only one can of his beloved Double Shots left. He picks up the pace to grab it, only to reach the door at the same time as a familiar face looks down at him.

“You like the double shots, too?” Jon Moxley asks, his grin wide. Matt’s heart starts beating at an unreasonable speed. “That how you cheerleaders keep up all the energy?”

Matt giggles a little. He can’t help it. “Well, one of the ways. You should see the way we have to train for splits.”

He didn’t mean for it to be…well, suggestive. But, from the way Mox’s eyes widen, it was. “Oh. Well.” His laugh is a little close to a giggle too. “All yours. I can grab, like, a Coke or something.” He brushes the side of Matt’s hand. Just gentle. Just barely. “See you on the bus, Matty.”

Matt doesn’t move until Nick comes up behind him and pegs him in the back with his basketball. “Dude, your coach is about to kill you if you don’t get out there,” he hisses. “Buy your dumb coffee and let’s go.”

Matt nods, a little dazed. “Hey, um,” he says as he hands the cash to the cashier, “what – has Mox said anything about me?”

Nick groans. “Oh, god, you have a crush on Moxley?”

“Shh!” Matt says, looking around nervously. They’re the only two from the high school left in the store, but still. “Look, sort of. Shut up.”

Nick sighs, spinning the basketball on his fingertip. Like it’s easy. Jerk. “He hasn’t. But I’ll…” Nick pauses, takes a deep breath like whatever he’s about to say is going to hurt. “I’ll put out feelers.”

Matt feels like he’s filled with lightning as he bounces out to the bus. He sits next to Nick, as always. But Mox’s eyes follow him as he walks down the center of the bus, and it makes the lightning spark, something like possibility.

#HI HELLO IT'S THE GIANT PROJECT I'VE BEEN WORKING ON PLEASE BE NICE TO ME #Be accurate but like. Kindly #MoxMatt #Matt Attrackson #Nicrowlas #in which sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now???

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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 2 years

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May I rant here for a sec? My parents are just- really frustrating me lately., and they're being shitty about my gender, and- ugh...

For the record, I don't live with my parents. I am very comfortable and confident in the labels I have chosen to identify with, and ain't nobody's opinions gonna be able to change shit. Also, the entirety of my family are Christians. I'm a Christian, and I get that gender stuff can be a bit of complicated situation, but still...

I came out, gender wise, almost a year ago. I came out as a demi girl (which has since changed to bigender, but I haven't told them cuz they don't give a flying fuck anyways) and that I was using she/her and he/him, as well as using two names (my birth name and a new one), all used interchangeably. They responded with the expected "we still love you no matter what" bullshit and I just, gggrrrrrrrr!

(My sister wins for best response to that coming out, tho. She replied, and I quote, "lol well duh" XD)

Additional note: I have done no actual, physical or hormonal transitioning, and idk if I ever will. I'm trying to present more masc because I want to be perceived as more gn or masc. I'm not great at it, but that's my current 'transitioning' status.

Now, I am pretty aggressive when it comes to people, my family included, misgendering other people. My friends, my partner, etc. Don't misgender people or I am going to correct you. And if you keep doing it wrong without effort to improve, I WILL make you uncomfortable for fucking up! ... However, I don't know how to do that with myself...

It's really hard with my parents, still using she/her, because they're not technically wrong, but... I wish I had the guts to tell them, "you calling me she/her because those are still my pronouns is different than you using she/her because you refuse to use he/him". And they're never explicitly transphobic (like, they've never said anything like "I don't like trans people" or anything) but they also obviously don't accept it, or like it, or like if I bring trans/queer anything up.

Like, on Sunday I was at my parents' for father's day, scrolling through Pinterest, and a post came up. Talkin about how 'according to Mulan, you need blah blah blah to be a man (ya know the song). You do not need a penis of any sort' and I thought it was kinda fun, so I read it out loud and my dad's instant response was, "ha, yes you do <need a penis>" ... (My partner was there, and apparently I noticeably deflated at that comment and didn't get better until we went home...)

And today, I was talking to my mom about our little vacation we're going on in July to see her side of the family, and I mentioned, "Heh, I don't think I've come out to Uncle Russ. Uncle Ryan guessed it, and I came out to grandma, but not Uncle Russ" and I said it really lightheartedly cuz I found it kinda like a 'haha, oops!' and she just- in the most dismissive tone, replied, "yeah, I wouldn't worry about it", as if it doesn't even matter! Like, fuck, it just hurts! It fucking hurts me!

Back in March, I was feeling super stressed about my birthday (autism brain(I think) finds birthdays super super stressful. I can't handle the surprise of gifts, and people expecting certain reactions, and- ugh! No. Do not like. I have had at least one mental breakdown around my birthday every year for- idek how many years now. A lot.) and it was a lot of because I was worried about having to spend time with my parents, and them calling me she/her in a way that just still feels like misgendering somehow. And I was so desperate for some validation that I wrote myself a paragraph using both my names and all my pronouns with some encouraging words as if it were a social media post for my birthday written by Oikawa (I don't even simp for oikawa, btw, but pls, I want to be his friend, we would be such great buddies and we would cause so much chaos!) I know that writing stuff about ourselves/others interacting with fictional characters to make ourselves/others feel better is normal around here, but I think for 'normal people' it's weird, and I wish I could be able to tell my parents that I had to do that, and that in general they would understand how much their dismissive attitude hurts me. And it just gets worse and worse the more they do it.

I'm really sorry for such a long post. I'm just- I'm not constantly frustrated by this, but I get more and more annoyed and upset each time it happens. And as much as I hope I'm wrong some day, I've basically accepted that they're never going to do it right. To them, I'm never going to be "I was talking to him, and ___". I'm never going to be "my oldest son___" (or 'child'! Even just gn is better than nothing!) I'm just- not actually me...

- Dragon anon

First off, Dragon anon please always feel free to rant to me/us! It feels so awesome that people trust me/this blog to share their daily issues with. That's a huge sign of trust and I love it! It makes my mom heart happy!

I'm sorry your family is struggling with this acceptance. It's hard enough dealing with accepting our own identity and then to have our family not accept that is tough.

I'm so proud of you for all that you've processed and been thought in your identity journey. You are right, it can be very complicated for not only you but for your family. And i feel like if they communicated that difficulty, it would be different. But for them to not even try, I feel lile that's not respectful of you.

I'm going to share a little of my youngest kiddos journey with you. So she (current preferred pronoun) was afab. She was diagnosed with Autism at 2 and has been genderfluid/non-binary/bi-gender since. It's actually very common for people onto he spectrum to identify as genderfluid (as told to me by her psychologist). At one point, she wanted to be referred to as a he. So we did that. I told everyone her preferred pronou was "he/him" and to act accordingly. Now she's decided she was "she/her" and to dress more masculine. I've accepted this and accommodated as much as I possibly can. My oldest (he/him) often had troubles with pronouns and sees everyone has "him" which we are working on.

The point here is that your family should respect your preferences. It's not their life that's being affected it's yours. And respect goes deeper than just being cordial or nice. It's respecting people's preferences. I'm so glad you are helpful with it comes to other people's pronouns because being misgendered and/or the wrong pronoun can be harmful not to mention disrespectful. I think you should take the same approach with yourself. Value yourself like you value the others around you because you deserve that respect. If your mom identifies as "she/her" and you just started calling her "he/him" she'd probably get offended and that same principle should apply to you.

I know pronouns/gender/sexuality can be confusing but I'm the type of person to ask questions or Google when I don't understand something. You cannot fault someone for asking a question about something they don't understand and knowing you as I do, I think you'd appreciate them taking the effort to do so.

I hope this helps in some way. Again I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Accepting yourself is hard enough without dealing with outside influences.

Just know you are always accepted here as you are and we love and care about you very much 🥰

#my lovely bbys #dragon anon

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mutantchicohiphop · 3 months

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Lil' Vent

Eh, might just use this opportunity to vent a little.

Goddamn, I hate not living alone. I may be 19, but my mother still treats me like a baby. I obviously can't afford to live on my own, and I still can't afford a car of my own. I rely on my mom for transportation, and she refuses to let me go with people she doesn't approve of. She's let me go to a friend's house once or twice, but her paranoia gets the best of her. I know she cares about me, but it's annoying.

It feels like she still sees me as a helpless girl rather than a grown man with a need to socialize. My brothers have cars of their own, and they get to sleep with their girlfriends or disappear for days on end. She bugs them when they're away but still allows them to go. I can't go anywhere without her taking me somewhere. I hate it. When I brought this up to her, I got yelled at.

I told her I'm a legal adult and she's not obligated to look after me. I told her, "Why don't you kick me out then?" and she told me that I should just leave if I wanted to hang out with friends so much. I've always been trapped in the house when there's no school or extracurriculars. It's always been that way since I was a child. I've never been to birthday parties outside of family parties; I've never been to a sleepover unless it was at a cousin's house with exclusively family. I could never keep friendships at school because I could never invest time in them outside of school.

I have nowhere else to go. I have to deal with my brothers misgendering me 24/7 while I'm seen as the bad guy for even correcting them. My mom is the best supporter because she's allowed me to go on T and is trying to use my new pronouns. She's been through rough shit all her life, and she's not a bad mom. I love her, and I appreciate her support and all the sacrifices she made to parent me and love me. Since my dad left, she's been a bit better, but sometimes I feel like I drag her down by just existing. I feel like she's much happier when I'm at work or school because I'm not there to bother her or make her feel horrible.

My boyfriend of a year left me last month, and I feel like my mom is all I have here. I do have great friends online, but I want to have actual friends offline. I want to hang out with people, smile for them, and express myself. Most of all, I want someone by my side and someone to love me for me. I realized I'd been used for a year and even lied to. Some guy thought he was "unlovable" before he met me, yet used my emotions until he found someone "better." I was so angry and hurt when he sent that breakup message through a FUCKING gc we had with the other person. I want to hate him, but I can't. He offered to still be friends with me like we once were before dating, but I just couldn't. It felt like I had been lied to all along. I agreed to let him explore a relationship with someone else while he said he still wanted to live a life with me.

One year. One year of telling me how much he loved me, wanted to touch me and how much he loved my laugh, my blue hair, and my body. It felt like I could be loved, but I guess all of that was bullshit. I loved him with all of my heart, and this is the thanks I get. I think I won't be able to dye my hair blue for now because of what he'd say when I sent him pictures. Telling me that I look very attractive in blue hair. Now I feel like him leaving me was proof that no one can ever love me. Not even someone with more intense kinks than me could love me. I felt stupid for believing everything he told me.

Why don't I get therapy? Well, I went through a whole fucking screening process and shit. A fucking medical evaluation and everything. I'm still waiting for individual as well as family therapy. I'm still waiting for an appointment.

That's all I want to vent about before I fall asleep. I bot a blood test in the morning.

#personal rant #tw vent #tw breakup #tw depressing stuff #blog update

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a-chaotically-small-lunta · 5 months

Text

Sooo funny story

One day at work I’m just doing my job and I’m not really paying attention to my surroundings and just focused on my task. Anyway I suddenly hear “Excuse me sir” Now I usually look up whenever I hear excuse me mostly out of curiosity, in case they’re talking to me, or if my coworker might need help with the question. When I look up, I see a middle aged woman looking at me dead in the eyes. So I respond and answer her question, cause whatever. Then my coworker standing near me just goes “Did she just call you Sir?” And laugh and say yes, which prompts him to go “YES! I’m not alone anymore! You know how it feels now! I get called ma’am all the time and you get to know that feeling!” We both laugh, cause honestly I found it funny. I wasn’t upset, since I’m okay with any pronouns (which is why I consider myself non-binary but anyway), I don’t mind getting called sir. It just surprised me cause it’s never happened before.

Then I told my mom the story.

Anyway fast forward to later and I decide to tell my mom the story. Once I tell her, her face drops and she becomes super offended. She basically said, “You have boobs! Was this lady stupid or something?” Like damn it isn’t that serious. I then ask what she would have done and she said she would’ve just said “no problem sir” to the lady. Which all of this surprises me to no end cause my mom is a a little hateful towards, and I’m quoting her on this, “the pronoun thing” Like she refuses to accept my cousin who is trans. She’ll use the correct stuff around her but the second she’s talking to our little part of the family or to any family member who thinks the same way she does, it’s back to deadnaming and stuff. But then when I get misgendered (in her mind) it’s horrible and “I clearly look like a girl” but if she finds out someone is trans she’ll suddenly be confused on their gender. Like bruh ya choosing to do this now, and that’s shitty. Especially when they did nothing wrong.

Anyway a funny experience made me realize how much my mother is very set on being transphobic and a hypocrite. (Like it’s wrong for someone to misgender me but when you misgender my cousin that’s fine because she’s trans? Mmmh smells like bullshit in here) Literally after we talked about what happened I showed her the new inside out trailer and she was like “we? Is Disney doing the whole pronoun thing? They’ve changed a lot” in what was a “I don’t like it and I don’t think I’ll want to watch the movie because of it” tone. Like mom no, there’s just more emotions wtf.

What a wild day

#when I say it was a funny story it means I found it funny and wasn’t bothered by it #my mother didn’t find it funny #my mother is insane #like girl calm down it’s not that serious #story of my life #transphobia mention #transphobia #(just putting that tag there just in case)

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journalofsorts2 · 1 year

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so i told my therapist my preferred name (eren) and they asked if they could change it in the system thingy and i said sure and now my dad texted me saying he got a reminder for my appointment but the name is for eren now and he asked me if that's my preferred name. and so i told him "yeah i just didn't tell you cause you weren't good about using my preferred name when it was ren and you haven't been good about using my pronouns so i thought you would've just preferred to not know" and he said "I apologize. I know I'm not good but I'm trying. So, if you gently correct me when I mess up, I would appreciate it" and i was like ha that's bullshit cause he gets mad when i do so i sent back "ik ur trying but in the past when i correct you, you do that sigh you do when you're frustrated or angry and then you correct yourself so i thought you were getting annoyed with me correcting you so i kinda stopped" cause he has this signature angry dad sigh that basically means 'you're being annoying', 'leave me alone', or 'i'm about to start yelling' and he does it when i correct him so i stopped for the most part y'know. anyways he sends back "No, it's me trying to juggle 1000 things at a time and not being able to do what everyone wants me to do. So, that is why I said gently correct me as I have a ton of stuff going on and i'm doing my best. Some things need reminders because it is easy to forget when we're talking and i'm thinking about 4 different things" and idk man that just really fucking hurt. like i already know i'm a burden to him but it's moments like these that really cement it. like this feels like him saying 'me using your correct pronouns is just another thing someone wants me to do' and like especially the use of want fucking hurts idk why. and so i just sent back an 'okay' cause fighting gets no where with him and anytime i tell him my true feelings and they happen to be negative and involve him he refuses to hear my side of things. and it's not like my reminders in the past haven't been gentle y'know, i do it kindly but he always responds in some form of aggression and it just fucking hurts y'know? idk the more days that pass by the more i realize it wasn't entirely my mom's fault their marriage fell apart. like a 70/30 situation, my dad is still a bit responsible for the way things are now y'know. cause he's kinda insufferable sometimes. idk i feel like shit now (not that i didn't before, i've been listening to sad music all morning, but it's just worse now) and ik if he ever saw this post he'd get super defensive and be like 'well i didn't do anything wrong' and he'd end up yelling at me and shit and i think that's funny. that he's too far up his own ass sometimes to accept accountability and see how his actions affect people. he reminds me a lot of mom, he's like mom lite, like he's bad but not as bad. he's mom demo. idk i think that's a funny joke. anyways rant over, i'm gonna go back to crying.

#journalofsorts rants

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futurebicon · 2 years

Note

17!!! My favorite number!!

Dépaysement

When someone is taken out of their familiar world into a new one

TRANS REGULUS

(Not really Wolfstar but hints. I’ve had this idea in my mind forever okay) (Also minor Jegulus formation. Like teeny tiny)

CW- transphobia, swearing, body dysphoria, abusive parents

Lyra took a deep breath before knocking on the wooden dorm room door.

“Come in whichever whore is outside.” James Potters voice called from inside.

Lyra took one more deep breath before opening the door.

“Get the fuck out.” Sirius’s smile immediately dropped from his face.

“I just need to talk please it’s really-“

“I don’t give two shits Lyra get the fuck out.”

Sirius had stood up and walked towards her, forcing her back to the closed door.

“Please I just need to ta-“

“Get ou-“

“Mom and Dad found out that I’m trans and they’re going to kill me. Please just help me, Sirius please.” Lyra nearly begged.

“Oh- shit.” Sirius stopped in shock.

The air went still.

“We’re just gonna…” James said as the boys left, Remus giving Sirius a comforting kiss to the side of his head.

“I’m sorry. This was stupid.” Lyra turned around after a few minutes went by in silence.

“No no. Stop, I’m sorry.” Sirius reached out to stop her. “I’m sorry that just was not at all what I expected. Here can you- do you wanna sit so we can talk about this?”

Lyra nodded, letting him lead her over to his bed.

“Alright. So first of all, pronouns.” Sirius sat in front of her.

She looked around, biting her lip.

“Hey.” He reached out for her hand, “I am not going to tell anyone unless you want me to. Not Remus, not James, not Peter, not Lily, not Minnie. Okay I might have to tell Minnie. But no one else unless you want me to. And I’m not going to judge you at all. You’re safe, okay?”

She nodded. “Uh he/him. I’m a- I’m a boy.”

A smile spread across his brothers face.

“What about a name?”

“Um, I was thinking Regulus.”

Sirius groaned. “The one chance you had and you chose another star?” He teased.

Regulus somehow found a smile crossing his face.

“Alright Reg. Now for the hard stuff. How do you know our parents know?”

“They sent me a letter saying they were sending me to Beubaxtons to ‘correct my impure thoughts and feelings’ and ‘to remind me what a real girl is’ and if I re-refuse to go they- uh” he choked.

“God Reggie I’m so sorry.” Sirius wrapped him in a hug. “I swear on my life that I won’t let them take you. I promise I will fight tooth and nail to keep you safe. I should have a long time ago but I’ll try and make it up now. We’ll talk to Minnie about this. I’m like, 107% sure that the Potters would be more than happy to welcome you into their home.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, little star.”

The old nickname Sirius used to use to hush him back to sleep caused the dam to break.

All the fear and sadness and betrayal and anger and hurt came out in tears.

Finally turning into relief.

He didn’t know how long it was until there was a soft knock on the door.

“Hey love.” Remus’s voice whispered in. “Minnie’s here. I told her that I would come get you g- two. She said she can come up here to talk or you can go to her office. Whichever you want to do.”

Regulus could see why Sirius loved him so much.

The way he avoided using any gender words until he knew what Regulus identified as.

“What do you want to do?” Sirius asked him.

“Um, can she come up here?” Regulus looked between his brother and the doorway.

“Yeah I’ll go get her for you.” Remus nodded.

Sirius face changed as soon as Professor McGonagall walked in. “He’s not going anywhere near them.”

“They are legally her-“

“His.”

McGonagall blinked, having realized the seriousness of it all. “Oh. Alright. They said they sent him a letter saying they wanted him transferred. I’m sorry bud they’re already here to pick him up.”

“Absolutely not.” Sirius shouted, standing up off the bed. “No way in hell are they-“

“Pads keep it down please.” James ran up followed by the boys, glancing over at Regulus.

The younger boy blushed and quickly looked away.

Remus went over to stand beside his boyfriend, obviously used to his outbursts and ready to stop him if need be.

“Sirius I’m sorry but there’s no where else for him to go.”

“My parents will take him in.” James said without missing a beat.

“James I can’t just ask-“

“I can.” James said again. “And I’ll ask them and they’ll say yes.”

“Minnie he can’t go back. He cant.”

“He’ll have to talk to them at least I’m so-“

“No. I’ll talk to them.”

“What? Sirius no” Regulus spoke for the first time.

“Regulus just let me take care of this please,” Sirius sighed.

Regulus could only nod.

“Alright, follow me.” Minnie told Sirius.

“‘Kay. Wait. Reg, you can pick any clothes you want. Just don’t let Peter style you. Or James. Or… you know what, just wait till I get back.” He closed the door behind him.

“Ignore him please.” Remus smiled. “So..”

“Regulus.”

“So Regulus.” James sat down beside him. “He/him, he/they? Whatcha got?”

“Uh, he/him.”

“Cool dude. Welcome to the club. Alright.” He jumped up again and walked over the Sirius’s closet. “Moons look through all of ours please. This man desperately needs a style change.”

“But I though Siri-“

“Oh we don’t normally listen to Sirius.” Peter told him. “Besides it doesn’t matter what he wants, it matters what you want.”

Regulus nodded and bit his lip, starting to warm up to all the boys he’s seen laugh with his brother a thousand times.

“Here, try this.” James handed him black jeans with a tan weirdly patterned button up.

“Uh-“ he looked around.

“There are the bathrooms.” Remus pointed to a door.

“Thanks.” Regulus smiled at him and walked away.

He stared at himself in the mirror. He loved the outfit but he hated his body. He hated the way his chest stuck out. He hated his boobs. He hated himself.

He was snapped out of the thoughts by another soft knock.

“Reg? You okay?” Remus asked.

“Yeah.” He called back.

“Hey is it alright if I come in real quick? I want to ask you something.”

Regulus seized up. “Yeah sure.” He unlocked the door.

“Hey, um so, I don’t know too too much about being trans or anything but I do know about body dysphoria and I know that there’s gender dysphoria. And I don’t know if you have dysphoria but if you do I know a spell that might help.” He rushed out.

“Help what?” Regulus asked, hopefulness leaking from every letter, “Like get rid of my chest.”

“Yeah actually.” Remus smiled. “Not permanently but for about 8 hours.”

“Oh my god.” Regulus became giddy with excitement. “Can you do it? Oh my god please.”

Remus matched his excitement, pulling out his wand and muttering a few words.

Regulus looked in the mirror and nearly sobbed at what he saw.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Shit sorry-“ he quickly wiped away his tears.

“No. It’s okay.” Remus reassured him. “You look great by the way. Hey, do me a favor and tell your brother I picked out the outfit if he likes it? I didn’t let him eat my last piece of chocolate last week so I’m scavenging for brownie points.” He winked.

“Will do.” Regulus laughed.

+++++

“If any of you put any clothes on my brother I wi-. Hey, that doesn’t look too bad.”

“Thanks. Remus picked it out.”

“THE FUCK” James shouted.

“It looks great Reg,” Sirius walked over to his boyfriend.

“And you doubted my styling skills.” Remus smiled as he pressed their lips together.

“Still haven’t forgiven you.” Sirius hummed.

“Come on.” Remus groaned.

“Make it up to me tonight.”

Regulus found himself already joining in the sounds of disgust.

He looked around the room with joy in his body. Feeling the start of something new, something free, something that he’s been waiting for all his life.

Not proof read sorry

Send in more numbers 1-30

#wolfstar #jegulus #trans regulus #regulus black #marauders

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possibilistfanfiction · 3 years

Note

Okay Elsa is annoying but … any Elsa thoughts on the future?

i also agree that elsa is annoying but u know shes a good mom honestly. also we all know casey is non binary in our hearts so. here's something i guess :) also on ao3

////

the morning gates stay open (i’d be there)

i’m born to be somebody, then somebody comes from me i’ll tell you about the rabbit moon and when to keep walking

— clairo, ‘reaper’

you see izzie — and no one else — waiting for you when you head out of the terminal at lax.

‘hey elsa,’ she says, giving you a hug when you open your arms, even though you’re a little confused. ‘casey’s in the bathroom,’ she rushes to explain, rolling her eyes fondly. ‘they had like six la croixs today, even though i said it was a bad idea, and —‘

you don’t really process much else because then casey is barreling into you, even though ever facetime call has ended abruptly with an adamant refusal to return any sentiment about missing each other. ‘hey mom,’ casey says into your shoulder, and when you back up you have to smile at the sun-kissed freckles and cutoff shorts fraying at the hem, even though it’s february and snowing in connecticut. casey looks happy, and links hands with izzie, who tries to take your suitcase for you before you glare at casey, who sighs and takes it instead.

you’ve visited before; you helped both of them move into their dorms, and then you’d flown out with doug for a weekend in october. casey and izzie came home for thanksgiving and winter break, but you have some miles saved up now and casey hadn’t sounded too annoyed at the idea of you visiting for a few days to get out of the cold. they drop your things off at the hotel you booked near campus, and then izzie levels casey with a look and then says, ‘i have to meet with a group for a midterm presentation, but i’ll see you for dinner.’

you give her a hug and she kisses casey easily, quickly, and says, ‘i love you,’ far too seriously for an afternoon apart. you don’t know what’s going on but you think back to what izzie had said earlier — not about casey drinking too many la croixs; listening to rules has never been a strong suit, after all — but, you think, if you were listening, maybe izzie didn’t say her, which might mean—

‘let’s go to the palisades,’ casey says, then starts to ramble nervously about how they’re closer to the west side than laguna or manhattan but not as crowded as the pier, and who wants to be around that many tourists anyway, and there’s a little cafe if you wanted some snacks. you listen patiently and agree to any plans, because it’s a beautiful day and you don’t, actually, want to drive that much in la traffic or be by so many tourists. eventually casey runs out of things to say and turns on the radio to some music you don’t know but honestly don’t think is half bad. the windows are down and the sun is bright and you’ve been to pflag meetings in new haven for over a year now; you think you’ll knock it out of the park if casey tells you anything.

you do stop by the cafe, which is cute, and pick up a few snacks. casey had packed a big beach blanket, one you’d given as a joint gift to izzie and casey for christmas, which makes you smile. casey’s hands are shaking, a little, though, and so you don’t mention that it was, in fact, a great present that apparently they use all the time, according to izzie, who always politely and enthusiastically returns your texts and calls with all sorts of updates.

you sit down in the warm sand near the water and you know casey; sometimes, you just have to wait it out.

‘so.’

‘hmmm.’

casey fiddles with the edge of the blanket and then with some of the fruit you got at the cafe, before staring straight ahead at the waves. ‘i’m, uh. whew. well.’

you don’t laugh, will your body not to. instead, you squeeze casey’s hand, just once.

‘i’m just your kid, okay?’

you sit with that for a moment, try to process what you think casey is saying, but you don’t want to get anything wrong or jump to conclusions. ‘today, at the airport, izzie said they, when referring to you.’

casey sits for a second, shoulders tense all the way up toward the sky, and then says, ‘oh.’

‘i don’t think she was even thinking about it.’ casey nods. ‘but, is that what you’re talking about?’

casey sighs. ‘yeah. i guess. is that — is that okay?’

‘of course it’s okay,’ you say, because it definitely is okay, and also it’s not the most shocking news you’ve heard. casey hasn’t wanted anything to do with femininity, really, for as long as you can remember; you’ve grown used to, and proud, so often, of having a queer child — and another bonus queer child, too, which is what you consider izzie now, no matter what.

casey sniffles and then leans into your shoulder. ‘i know you’re, like, bursting with questions.’

you laugh, just a little, and feel a small smile against your skin. ‘not if you don’t want to answer them.’

‘depends on the questions.’

‘do you have any term you like, or any concept or something? i’ve been doing a lot of reading, and i’ve met a lot of other parents in pflag who have children who are also gender non-conforming, and—‘

‘whoa, slow your roll,’ casey says, but seems to deflate a little in relief. ‘non binary is fine, i guess. i’m just — not a girl. i’m just casey.’

that makes you smile. ‘your name is still casey, then?’

it produces an eye roll but then a begrudging, ‘it’s a good name. i like my name,’ so you’ll take it as a win.

‘i have great taste.’

‘ugh.’

‘you use they/them pronouns?’

‘yeah,’ casey says. ‘but, like, it’s okay if you don’t always get them right or whatever.’

‘no, it’s not,’ you say gently. ‘i’ll try really hard. i’ll get them right. it’s important.’

that produces a fresh round of tears that they try to dismiss by saying the sun is really bright and they have a hangover, which you know is false because casey had been asleep by 9 last night after an all-nighter and cross country the day before. but you let them have it, eat a few grapes and then toss one their way.

it elicits a reluctant laugh but it works all the same. ‘izzie corrects people all the time so she’ll love you more than she already does.’

‘i’m so glad you brought my favorite child into my life.’

‘wow, thanks elsa,’ casey deadpans, but then digs their hand into the sand and smiles. ‘izzie’s been so awesome, with all of this. i really love her.’

‘i know you do,’ you say with a smile, pat their hand.

‘and i’ll tell sam and dad eventually, but i want to tell them in person because sam won’t care, i’m sure, but dad is… you know.’

‘he loves you,’ you assure them. ‘i won’t say anything, of course.’

they look at you suspiciously.

you hold your hands up. ‘i swear i won’t. i know i love to meddle but i would never out you.’

casey sighs and nods. ‘i believe you,’ they say. ‘but, for the record, meddling is your most toxic trait.’

‘yeah, yeah.’

‘i don’t really want to talk about this anymore,’ they say quietly after a few moments. ‘it stresses me out, sometimes.’

‘okay. any time you want or need, though.’

they nod. ‘love you, mom.’

‘love you, casey.’

they pop up off the blanket, then, which whips sand into your face and all the food, and then take off toward the waves, laughing. you let them have a little space for a moment, watching your brave child chase off into the surf, fearless as always.

you take izzie to lunch the next day; casey has class during that time and you like to spend time with izzie anyway. she sits straight and proper but you see how she’s relaxed a little too, here, maybe getting to have a childhood for the first time ever. her hair is long and perpetually wavy from her runs by the ocean, and her eyes are bright.

‘thank you,’ she says, ‘for being so good with casey yesterday. they told me that you were awesome.’

‘casey, my child, said those words about me?’

izzie laughs, delicately takes a bite of her quinoa bowl, then shrugs. ‘not those words exactly. but they meant it. and they were so happy this morning, like a weight was lifted or something. i told them they didn’t need to be that anxious to tell you or anything but it’s been a process, you know. i think it’s been hard for a while.’

‘they like to let things stew, don’t they?’

izzie huffs. ‘it’s the worst.’

‘welcome to my world.’

‘casey is… quite the person, that’s for sure.’

‘thank you, too, izzie. for loving them so completely.’

izzie blushes, looks down at her hands. ‘impossible not to, i think.’

you think back to all the times casey has driven you up the wall over the years, the tantrums and fights, and then reach out to squeeze izzie’s hand. ‘impossible not to,’ you agree.

casey and izzie come home for spring break, and casey is pacing around and so you order food, send izzie to go get it, who thanks you quietly with a little squeeze to your shoulder.

you sit down on the couch and make sure that sam and doug are actually paying attention and then casey sighs.

‘is this an intervention?’ sam asks when casey doesn’t say anything. ‘i don’t know who it would be for.’

casey sighs again. ‘it’s not an intervention.’

‘okay,’ sam says, ‘good.’

casey tries to still their hands on their thighs and then says, ‘i’m not a girl. or a boy. or anything else, really, i guess. uh, if that makes sense.’

doug looks genuinely baffled but sam just nods.

‘there are many animals that don’t fit into a gender or sex binary. most commonly, it’s referred to as sequential hermaphroditism.’

casey nods contemplatively and your heart warms a little.

‘one of my friends is trans,’ he says, then takes out his notebook. ‘what are your name and pronouns?’

you can tell casey is trying not to cry, but they just clear their throat. ‘uh, casey, and they/them pronouns.’

sam writes something in his notebook and then nods. ‘got it. sibling? is that okay?’

casey is really trying not to cry now. ‘that’s great, sam.’

‘cool,’ he says. ‘is that all?’

‘oh, uh, yeah,’ casey says, ‘thanks, sam.’

‘sure, i’m just glad this wasn’t an intervention,’ he says, then stands and leaves the room without another word.

casey is smiling but then they turn to really look at doug, who has a furrowed brow.

‘i’m sorry, case,’ he says, which might not be the best start, but you’re fully prepared to jump in anytime they need. ‘i don’t — i don’t understand fully.’

he doesn’t sound angry, and he gets up to sit by them on the couch, squeezes their shoulder once.

‘i love you, though, and i guess, uh. you’re my kid. i just want you to be safe and happy. i’ll try to learn, okay?’

casey swallows once, and then again, and then hugs doug tight. ‘please never quote this, and only remember it for your sake and not mine, but mom knows a lot. she can definitely help explain stuff.’

you beam and doug nods. casey rolls their eyes.

’not now, though,’ they say. ‘izzie’s back with the food.’ they flash their phone. ‘she’s just been waiting outside until we were done talking. elsa, i see what you did there.’

‘you’re welcome.’

‘that pizza better not have pineapple or else i’m taking back everything i just said.’

‘extra pineapple, believe it or not.’

casey stomps off, and then makes a little noise of satisfaction from the kitchen when they discover that, in fact, you had actually ordered pepperoni. you hear izzie laugh.

‘so… we don’t have a daughter anymore?’ doug asks, quietly. ‘that’s not what i should call …’

‘them,’ you supply. ‘casey is our child,’ you say firmly, ‘they’re just casey.’

he takes a deep breath and then nods. ‘okay.’

‘we can practice. i’ve been practicing.’

doug looks relieved. ‘okay, good.’ he waits a beat and then laughs, just once. ‘you know, of all the things casey has ever come to us with, even though i don’t understand the details, really, this might be the one that makes the most sense.’

you smile, lace your fingers together. ‘i thought the same thing.’

when casey and izzie come home for a few weeks in the summer before preseason training begins, casey has a few more tattoos and a buzzcut and the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. izzie is in a crop top and long, flowing skirt and they’re both as enamored with each other as always, sweet and considerate and happy. you make peace with it all, because casey is kinder by the day, it seems, even to you.

zahid comes over one night and smiles and says, ‘sick shoes,’ to casey and leaves it at that, even though earlier you had told them that you thought they looked like geriatric shoes — not even in jest, you were worried about arch support or something — and izzie had laughed and casey had spluttered, ‘they’re jordans.’

it’s not hard to realize, as the weeks pass, that casey is better than they’d ever been; you’d read that a lot of trans and non binary teams have a really hard time during puberty, especially, and casey had been going through so much on top of trying to process this part of their identity. you fight the urge to wish you had known more then, even though they’re healthy and thriving now, it seems.

they get everyone to help organize a slip n slide in the backyard made with tarps and soap and water, and it’s genuinely hilarious when they set up an obstacle course. for two division i athletes, casey and izzie do terribly, falling all over each other and getting bubbles everywhere. you’re pretty sure casey is wearing a binder instead of a swimsuit or sports bra, and when they finally finish their ridiculous game, they lie back on the grass with izzie.

they’re both breathing hard and laughing periodically, not really talking. you bring them popsicles and it’s been a while since you’ve seen casey look this young.

things settle.

you miss your kids, of course, but they seem very genuinely happy. but one night in the fall, you’re just sitting down with a glass of nice merlot, ready to watch the newest episode of the bachelor even though casey relentlessly tells you it’s ‘misogynist garbage’ — which you know, obviously, but it’s mindless — when your phone rings.

it’s casey, and casey never really calls you for a good reason, and your heart jumps in your chest. you put down your wine and pause the tv.

‘case?’

you hear them sniffle on the other end of the line.

‘what’s wrong?’

your mind runs through a million different scenarios, each worse than the last.

‘izzie’s hurt,’ they say, finally, and casey has been known to be a little dramatic so you don’t know how hurt, or what you need to do.

‘what happened, honey? what do you need from me?’

’the trainers are taking her to the hospital for an mri right now but they think she tore her achilles in practice today. i don’t — she was running next to me, just intervals, and then i heard a pop and then she was screaming and — can you come? i’m sorry. they think she might need surgery, i guess, and, i just. please? can you come?’

you put down your wine and walk to your laptop. ‘i’ll look up flights right now, case. i’ll be there as soon as i can, okay?’

they let out what you can tell is a very relieved breath. ‘okay.’

‘i found one that can get me there tomorrow morning. i’ll find a hotel and keep you updated.’

‘mom,’ they say, ‘thank you.’

‘i love you, and i love izzie.’ it’s firm, but you mean it like that: there is no question; you will be there. ‘i’ll see you both soon.’

izzie does need surgery, you find out by the next morning when you uber from the airport to the hospital. casey is hunched over in a hoodie, trying to stay awake with a cup of coffee, but izzie smiles sleepily and happily when you come into the room quietly.

‘i’m high,’ she says, giggling a little.

casey rolls their eyes, clearly exhausted, but gets up to hug you tight. izzie squeezes your hand back when you kiss her cheek.

‘you didn’t need to come,’ she says suddenly, a little furrow to her brow.

‘of course i did.’

her lower lip starts to wobble and casey rolls their eyes but huffs a little laugh anyway. it’s an uncharacteristically chilly, rainy day outside and it’s surprisingly easy to convince casey to go back to the dorm to shower and nap for a few hours before they come back in the afternoon. izzie mostly sleeps, but you take careful notes when the surgeon comes to speak to you, because izzie really is out of it and, although they promise to come back and explain things later, you don’t want them to be missing any information. plus, they always process information better when it’s written down anyway.

izzie eventually gets discharged and has to come back a few days later for surgery. you have savings, so you’re lucky enough that you can stay for a bit. izzie is groggy but gets to have an outpatient procedure, and you help casey get her situated back in her dorm afterward. she has a big padded boot on her foot and ankle but you picked up pain medication for her and so she mostly sleeps. casey settles in next to izzie on the small bed and kisses her forehead, then looks at you, eyes big. their hair has grown out so that it falls floppily over their brows; it makes them look young and you have to fight to not want to kiss their forehead or hold their hand.

‘just — thank you, mom.’

you leave after a few days because izzie is doing better, taking just tylenol and very coherently getting around fine on crutches and so therefore casey has relaxed as well, their easy smiles back and their posture relaxed, slouched like normal.

they both come to see you off at the airport, casey doting carefully and izzie swatting away any attempts. you kiss izzie’s forehead and then do the same to casey, even though they fake gag.

within a few weeks, izzie is walking again, tenderly at first but then without any pause. casey actually gives you studious updates about her recovery; from what you can tell, they go to every physical therapy session they can possibly make it to. you know izzie has gone to therapy for years, now, and all of the drama from when she and casey first started dating seems to have faded into the background. but injuries are difficult, you think — scary and painful, especially because of what running has been to izzie. but eventually she sends you a selfie of the two of them by the beach, clearly having just run, with fly away hair and casey’s cheeks flushed red, huge smiles squinting into the sun.

a year passes, full of holidays and casey complaining about finals and izzie sending you pictures of pies she tries to bake in the tiny dorm kitchen. they run; sometimes when you’re pretty sure they’re a little high, casey will facetime you just to say hello. you and doug help them move into a small duplex together at the beginning of junior year, a bright sunny kitchen and the breeze from the ocean floating through the windows.

casey takes you to get coffee when they visit for thanksgiving — so you know something’s up, because they would never voluntarily spend time alone with you unless they really needed to talk — and when you sit down they smile at you, gently and openly, a rare occasion, and say, ‘i’m gonna have top surgery in the spring.’

you’re not surprised, and you’ve done casey’s laundry enough times when they’ve visited that you know they’ve been wearing a binder most days; you know they love being an athlete, and izzie has sent you enough articles about non-binary athletes in women’s leagues that you know casey has a place in sport.

that this surgery is happening, though, is a little different. you feel scared, because casey is your child, but mostly you feel excited for them. relieved for them.

‘that’s so wonderful, casey,’ you say, and they blink just once and then a grin lights up their face.

they tell you about their surgeon, and the type of surgery they’re going to have, how izzie has gone with them but how, they admit, they would love if you facetimed in for their next pre-op appointment in a few months.

‘can you help me explain it to dad? sam and i already talked, to be honest, because he asked me. which is, like, inappropriate from anyone else, but he’s sam, so it was mostly just so he could research statistics and stuff.’

you laugh, squeeze their hand. ‘i’ll help, absolutely.’

you go out to la a few months after casey’s surgery with doug and sam; everything had gone well and casey had cried in joy and relief when they’d seen their chest afterward for the first time, which had set izzie off, which had set you off too. you’re pretty sure doug had even sniffled.

when you’d left, though, they still had bandages and bruising but now it’s almost the beginning of their senior year and when you go to the beach they take their shirt off and then shove sam into the sand with a laugh. sam grumbles but gets up to dust himself off, izzie rolling her eyes as she helps you set out the blanket.

casey races off into the surf, turning back and yelling at all of you to come join them. you always have; you do.

#fic #atypical #cassie x izzie #cazzie

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butterflyinthewell · 3 years

Text

To trans folks who are trying to set trolls straight about Chris-Chan’s gender: Your hearts are in the right place, but the trolls do not care. They will keep misgendering Chris to piss you off and screenshot your reaction.

Yes, I’m talking about THE Chris-Chan. CWC, creator of Sonichu.

(TW: this post will mention rape and incest.)

I know, I know… “But if we let people misgender Chris, what’s stopping them from doing it to other trans people?”

Nothing.

There’s nothing you can do, unfortunately. The thing with trolls is they aren’t here to learn, they’re here to frustrate, annoy and anger you. They throw out all kinds of little hooks by saying offensive things, or things that trick you, and it’s all a game to them when somebody bites the bait.

It wouldn’t surprise me if trolls are saying horrible things about autism, too. That’s more my lane and partly why I don’t dig too deep in the tags about this situation. Again, I stress not engaging with that to correct trolls. They don’t care, they want to offend you.

As frustrating as it is, take note of the people who use Chris’ current pronouns and recognize that there are people who make an effort to get them right. I’m sure the trans people reading what you say will see that and know you care to gender them correctly.

It’s possible Chris transitioned believing she can get with lesbians. It’s entirely possible she’s exactly the stereotype that TERFs rant about and her shitty behavior might be used in the future to argue their views. TERFs will be TERFs. Some of Chris’ trolls may be trans themselves.

As it stands, Chris presents as a woman, so I’ll use she/her pronouns unless she decides to present as non-binary or a man again. You’re welcome to do the same when talking about her. Don’t waste your time trying to correct trolls, just use Chris’ current pronouns and leave it at that.

It sucks, but that’s how trolls troll.

Moving on…

I wonder if Chris would’ve been a weird, harmless nobody if Mimms never took her photo in The Game Place.

This all started because her photo was taken without her knowledge or consent and posted on a forum, which ended up spreading to the wider web and…yeah.

Would she have been an internet sensation? Would she have transitioned? Would she be a known name on the web?

Maybe everything would’ve gone down the same, but without an audience to bear witness.

Regardless, Chris is a trainwreck of a person. I don’t say that lightly. She didn’t deserve the trolling and abuse she got, yet she isn’t innocent in this either.

I felt sorry for her at first because I’m autistic too and was bullied severely in high school, some of it included physical assault and attempted murder. I reacted to the constant name calling and mockery irl a lot like Chris reacted to her online trolls. I’m thankful that my most volatile years happened before I had internet access. I’m two years older than Chris. I had my own drama with trolls that lasted a few years, but I grew up a bit more.

But I digress…

Chris didn’t get the internet safety talk that I got before getting let loose online, and people took advantage of her gullibility, her autism, whatever mental illnesses she might have and her obsession with getting laid. She ignored warnings to the contrary and in some instances her mom enabled her while her dad tried (and failed) to reign her in.

At the same time, Chris has a history of being racist, ableist, homophobic and misogynistic. She ignores people’s boundaries even when they were clearly stated. She’s entitled and thinks everything bad is a conspiracy against her. She acts like the world operates on cartoon rules and can’t handle it when situations don’t turn out in her favor like she believes they should. It’s a strange view of “Anything I do is good because I did it, and anybody who tells me it’s bad or treats me badly is evil or a troll.”

How she comes across to others and how she thinks she comes across are incongruent with each other, and she refuses to take any correction. An example is the claw hand she used to do while railing at trolls. It’s clear she’s imitating stuff she saw in cartoons, but doesn’t grasp that it looks silly in real life. It leaves me wondering if she ever watched her videos back to see how she really looks before uploading them.

Chris did a lot of disgusting things of her own volition, like not leaving people alone, uploading that sexual drawing featuring Megan, using pepper spray without provocation and trying to hit someone with her car.

Trolls tricked her into humiliating herself and shared the results, like hacking into her email, sharing chats where she gave out embarrassing details about herself, prank calling her house and posting the infamous blowup doll video.

If you know “Christory”, you know what I’m talking about.

If you don’t know, it’s something that’s gone on longer than some people have been alive.

No side is innocent here. I don’t blame Chris for attracting trolls, they chose to go and harass her because she jumped when they poked her.

I’ve followed Chris’ story off and on since 2008, back when she was making her Sonichu comics and being awkward. I never participated in trolling her. I’ve only ever seen the aftermath of troll operations, but the things she endured were cruel. (The Miyamoto saga and the BlueSpike saga come to mind.) I looked her up to see if she was alive and okay. I sent her my AFBV message a couple years ago, but never got a response.

I wonder if this could’ve been avoided if Chris never got trolled and was supervised better while online. That’s where her parents failed her. I felt bad for her; she didn’t know how to conduct herself and kept falling for trolling schemes because she was so desperate to get a girlfriend. It’s like she ignored that little gut warning that says “hey, this feels like a trick” and it was like watching someone fall down the same hillside over and over.

But after what she did to her mom, I lost any sympathy I had for her. Yes, trolls have traumatized her and messed with her head for over a decade and that’s gross, but what she did to her mom was unconscionable. It’s indefensible. It’s morally abhorrent.

She had sex with (or possibly raped via coercion) her elderly mom, who may have dementia.

Chris’ autism was taken advantage of for years, and now she might’ve taken advantage of her mom’s dementia to harm her for the past month.

Think about that. There is no defending that. She finally did something she can’t just wave away or pay her way out of.

Trolls didn’t put Chris up to that, she did it all by herself.

Now she’s under arrest.

Time and again Chris has had run-ins with the law and got away with slaps on the wrist, but I don’t think she’s going to walk away from this so easily.

I hope this situation finally gets Chris the help she desperately needs. I don’t know if her dimensional merge stuff is a delusion from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness or if it’s a paracosm she’s chosen to live in and act out because she can’t handle how cruel the real world is. Please note that I don’t say mental illness lightly either, because I’m aware of the stigma.

At this point I think she needs a caregiver who will supervise her online activities and help her manage her finances. (She will likely resist this…)

Chris’ autism and whatever else she has going on appears to make it very difficult for her to see things from any perspective besides her own. I’m autistic too, so I understand this— sometimes I get this way and have to walk myself back to see other perspectives, or I ask people to give me their side of it to help me understand how they see it even if I don’t agree with their view.

Chris needed more guidance and reality checks growing up, but didn’t get them, and now she needs both more than ever as she faces the results of her behavior. If she is delusional, she needs help to navigate it and I hope she can do that away from trolls. She needs to face consequences for (possibly) raping someone.

I wonder what the legal system will do with her, and I hate that her life has come to this. It was so avoidable. 😞

Sorry, Chris…I hope you’ll get help now, and I hope Barb is okay.

#Chris-Chan #chris chan #swearing #long post #I couldn’t tag with the r word or the I word or tumblr wouldn’t show it in tags #I hope the warning at the top is enough.

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bobfloydssunnies · 3 years

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welcome to my blog

hello!

while i’m not an 18+ blog please know i am an adult and sometimes my content might leans 18+ so i feel a lot more comfortable if you are 16/17+ i just dont really want anyone younger than that following me

fic rec sideblog: capsicle-srogers

my fic recs are sometimes 18+

any fics i reblog to this account are safe for anyone anything 18+ will go to the fic rec blog

below the cut is a lot more information about me and this account

things about me

My name is aimee but you can call me aims or aimee I dont care which my friends call me which ever you like. I’m 28 (i joke about being the mom friend/older sister to mutuals and friends so you can also think of me that way if you want). I’m also bi and my pronouns are she/her. This means this is a safe space for all of us and if I ever misgender you please let me know so I can correct myself.

If you want to know other things about me you can go here: https://general-poe.carrd.co/

i make playlists!!!

if you wants to see them you can click here and it will take you to the masterlist of all my character playlists!

I write sometimes!!!

i occasionally post my writing which you can read here and i will do blurb and drabble request ( sometimes i will do a set theme day)

do not interact or follow me if you are:

racist | xenophobic | sexist

ableist | homophobic | transphobic

this is a safe space for all and i refuse to have anyone who is hateful and a trash person following me on this blog.

tags i use

ones for the general post and things i make:

stuff that personal is #speaking to the moon [aimee talks]

about me stuff is #nonclassified [about aimee]

anything with my face is #facial recognition [aimee’s face]

for my writings it is #mission report [aimee writes]

any of my art is #using my art degree [aimee’s art]

anything for my playlists is #dancing under the stars [aimee’s playlists]

anything thats a self reblog is #transmitted message [self reblog]

my queue tag is #out collecting bounties [queue]

these are for anything that you send in my inbox or submit:

the anon tag is #a spy has been found [anon]

the answered tag is #intel was received [answered]

any submissions will be #report received [submission]

any ask posts/reblogs are #have any intel [ask me]

other places to find me:

twitter: marveldjarin

spotify: t1dalwaves

tiktok: heyitsaims

#nonclassified [about aimee]#speaking to the moon [aimee talks]

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 4 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

I came out as trans half a year ago - and I decided that’s a good time to share my coming out story with you! Some of you have been asking about it over the last few months and I am now in a place where I can comfortably reflect back on it.

Before we start, I quickly want to say that this is not a “How to come out” guideline. The decision how and when to come out is deeply personal, there’s not the one right way to do it. What worked for me may not necessarily work (or feel good) for you. This is just my personal story.

The first person I “came out” to was my therapist. I put that in brackets because by coming out to my therapist, I also came out to myself. We talked about my issues and over many sessions, it just became clearer and clearer to us both that many of them were related to my gender identity.

During one session, I said something and he replied “If we cut off the “But” in your sentence, you just said “I am a man”. Have you heard the term transgender before?” and I just sat there like “Oh! Yes.That’s how I feel.”. It was just one of those lightbulb moments. I knew it before - but actually hearing someone say the word trans related to my experience just gave me the push I needed to allow myself to know it.

He offered to call me by a male name and he/him pronouns to see how that feels. I chose the name Oliver - and I loved it! It felt so much better than my birthname and she/her. And yet, I decided to never tell anyone about that. I would secretly identitfy as a trans man but I would just keep that to myself, I thought. I can be Oliver in my head and in the therapist’s office and be my birthname everywhere else. Easy-peasy, no need to make a fuss and actually come out to anyone, right? It’s just for fun anyway.

Well, when I look back, I knew it wasn’t just for fun. But I was scared how the people in my life would react. I was scared of having to make a decision - I felt like as soon as I told someone, I would also have to have a definite plan regarding medical steps and I wasn’t ready to even think about that yet.

But feeling so happy and euphoric about my new name only highlighted how miserable I felt with my birthname. During that time, I published my book and I couldn’t bring myself to put my birthname on the cover. I published under my new name - and it was bittersweet. I was so, so overwhelmed with happiness to see the name Oliver in my bookshelf... and it hurt so much to say “It’s a pseudonym, I just wanted to publish anonymously, so it’s a fake name” when that wasn’t true at all.

My therapist told me to take my time with coming-out, to not rush into it but I knew that I needed to come out, for my own peace. I reached a point where I felt like hiding it hurt me more than any negative reaction could. I didn’t really have a big master plan - my mother invited me to dinner and one of my brothers was going to be there and I just woke up that day thinking “Today I am going to tell them”. Looking back, I am glad I only gave myself some hours to plan and freak out about my plans. Otherwise, I would have had too much time to think and convinced myself to give up.

I actually had a therapy session that day, so I knew they would ask me about that. My plan was to wait for that question and then tell them that my therapist thinks I am trans. In case they react super negative, this would give me the chance to blame the therapist or downplay it and say “Yeah, I don’t agree with him”. Maybe that’s a bit cowardly and yes, I am an adult and don’t need my family’s permission - but I came out as bi as a teenager and it went horrible. It took a while for my mother and me to have a good relationship again after that, I didn’t want history to repeat itself. My family means the world to me, I was scared of losing them.

Dinner came, that question I waited for came... and I hesitated and ruined the moment. The conversation moved on and I didn’t came out. Oh gosh, I hated myself in that moment. I had that plan and just got too scared to actually do it. I had just convinced myself that I lost my shot and would not come out to them at all when my brother said “You look sad, is there something you want to tell us?”.

I actually started crying and went “I need to tell you something but please don’t be mad”. I am pretty sure I sounded like a 8-year-old who broke mom’s favorite vase! My family got really worried. I guess that, based on my breaking down in tears, they assumed that I was either dying or going to jail. When I think about it now, it’s ridiculous and funny but back then, I felt terrible.

I managed to say “My therapist thinks I would be happier as a man” during sobs... and my mother just said “Oh, then you should do that. Do you want us to call you Oliver, like on your book?”. At first, I thought that she was thinking I was just kidding and that’s why she reacted so calm. I explained that I am serious and told them about the conversations I had with my therapist. They stayed calm. My brother said he already had guessed that I am trans based on the way I dress and the fact that I published my book under a male name, so it wasn’t shocking news to him and my mom agreed. She had a couple questions (mostly if I would date men or women now, I told her it’s still both) - and that was it.

It went way better than I expected. Yet, if I could turn back time, I would change something: I would explain more. I feel like I should’ve given a little “trans 101″ speech, especially explaining why the new name and pronouns matter. She still mostly calls me by my birthname and uses she/her. It’s not that she refuses to call me Oliver - if I correct her, she will change it. I feel like she simply believes I don’t care about it that much. Maybe she doesn’t really see a difference between butch lesbians and trans men, too. I feel like I could’ve done a better job explaining it to avoid those misunderstandings.

My fear that they would instantly ask me about surgery plans did not come true. I wasted quite some time worrying about that and preparing what to say in case they ask - they just didn’t ask about that at all.

I do not regret that I kind of rushed into it. To be honest, I don’t even know if I did. There were only a few months between calling myself trans the very first time in my therapist’s office and coming-out - but it’s not like I never thought about it before. I feel like I struggled with my gender identity since puberty but I didn’t have the words or didn’t allow myself to connect the dots. To me, it doesn’t feel rushed.

I came out to more people since then. But this letter is getting too long, so I will end this with a final thought: My coming--out, both to myself and the world, felt a bit messy and I can name things I would do better if I could start over again - but maybe I would just do it exactly the same way. I’m incredibly happy I came out. It didn’t make all my problems go away but I do feel better emotionally, more confident. I like myself more now. For me, it was definitely the right decision.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

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boomerang109 · 3 years

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If it isn't impertinent to ask, how did you know you were non-binanry? Have you struggled with family or have they been accepting?

as long as you’re asking respectfully and because you’re actually curious, i’m happy to answer questions about any aspect of my identity. (that’s my way of saying you’re not being impertinent at all and everyone should feel free to drop into my inbox whenever they’d like)

also, warning for a long post cause i’m a wordy bitch who doesn’t know how to add a read more on mobile

so my experience is pretty much directly transposed onto aang in chapter 8 of wwda so if you’re asking about my actual thought process, you can kinda visit there. (and it occurred to me later that suki being aang’s first place of comfort could possibly fall into the ‘cis-savior trope,’ but that wasn’t my intention and simply was a reflection of the friend who most helped me with my gender crisis).

i had always known people used they/them pronouns, but i don’t think it was until i was regularly talking to friends who used those pronouns that my brain really comprehended those were an option. and i kinda was there like damn they’re so lucky they have the coolest pronouns and at some point it occurred to me that being jealous of someone’s pronouns probably wasn’t normal. and it’s definitely weird cause I’ve always personally felt that vibe of not being feminine enough OR masculine enough (not being a girly-girl or a tomboy as a kid), but i know as a kid i identified that ‘feeling like i didn’t fit in’ emotion as a sort of ‘girl power’ thing, like “I can wear dresses AND have swords!” (which i still do both, but now i know any gender can do this) whereas now i see it as being not a girl, but who knows. gender is such a social concept, i’m constantly like 🧐 what’s my gender? idfk. but another thing that did help me figure out my identity was my dysphoria (which not everybody experiences!!). i’d always thought it was an ace thing that i hated my chest, cause i didn’t understand why it was sexualized and whatnot. (but now i bind and just !!!! everytime makes me so happy, even though i rarely can cause my lungs are SHIT) but, i think most people are like connected to their bodies? and i very much just am not. that’s part of why it was so easy for me to ignore my identity cause i can put on clothes i HATE and i’ll only think about it if it’s actively uncomfortable or there’s a mirror. otherwise, i am just not aware of my body. i went most of middle school and high school not looking in the mirror and i used to say ‘what i look like is other people’s problem, not mine’ cause y’all have to look at me, i don’t. but i’m just good at ignoring things in general, from gender to sexuality to neurodivergence, i’m so busy pretending to be what i think everybody wants me to be, that i barely know who i am. also for a long time i felt really bad cause i thought i was lowkey transphobic cause i internally would invalidate non-binary identities (but out loud was always very supportive and would be mentally berating myself for being a fake ally) and uhhh. i know am aware that the only things i was transphobic about were the exact things that apply to me, so uhh. that’s just some internalized shit. also my name irl is technically gender neutral and i think i’m much closer to dressing neutral/masculine now, but people still completely identify me as female which kinda sucks. but also I’ve been performing as female for my fam so it kinda works. idk it’s all weird ngl. but the actual answer to your question was i realized it when i was ‘jealous’ of other people’s pronouns (which actually one of my friends did the same thing where they said like ‘oh you’re so lucky you get to be non-binary’ and the person they said that to had to be like, ‘if you want to be non-binary then that probably means you are’ and my friend was like 👀)

family is an interesting question cause i’m not out to them. but i also have my pronouns (they/them) in my Instagram bio and 4 of my 5 siblings are on Instagram, as well as my dad. i don’t think they’ve noticed yet. i’m very lucky in that i know my family would never kick me out or anything drastic (although i did realize that i have a piece of my bank account mentally stored for ‘if i get kicked out and need to figure shit out by myself’ which was just a strange realization) but right when i was considering coming out to my dad, he decided to make jokes about how weird they/them pronouns were. (he saw i was uncomfortable and reminded me, ‘oh, but you know i always support you’ but, i had really bad experiences with both my parents the first times i came out to them as bi and/or ace (even though they both meant well) so it’s just not something i’m looking to repeat). my mom honestly should have figured it out cause i told her about it one day when i was questioning and then refused to talk about it once i realized i was non-binary (i don’t trust her to keep a secret) but instead she just keeps teasing me for being like my one sister whenever i mention shopping for boys clothes. and since that sister was the one who ignored me for most of her teenage years, i don’t really appreciate the comparison. (also i realized that my entire fucking childhood she always always told me how grateful she was that i was a girl cause she’d always wanted a daughter. and without realizing it i think i internalized that and was like ‘yes i’ll make sure to be a daughter for sure’ even though i don’t think i am one)

and so, that was a very long way of saying, it’ll be a big blow up when i come out to my fam so i’m avoiding it (even though that means getting misgendered allll summer) as long as i can, but i do know it’ll be okay cause my family always means well underneath all the bs

but i have had a really positive time with my friends. it’s hard at university cause people will still call me she/her and i don’t have the courage to correct them, but my two friends both use she/they so they’re obviously good about it. and i got one of my friends at home to tell a bunch of my high school teachers for me cause she was emailing them and mentioned me and i was kinda like ‘hey one less coming out for me’ which was nice. and i told two other friends right before i left and they literally clapped (which i felt like was a very awkward reaction ngl, but it was nice). and one of those two kept accidentally calling me she, but would apologize when i corrected her. also i think that friend might be using she/they pronouns now too, so idk if that’s another example of me transing my friends’ genders (as i did to clara😉) or just the fact that queers find each other

i don’t know if you wanted this much detail, but i’m not really one for being concise lmao. if you were asking just out of curiosity i think i probably fulfilled that, but if you’re questioning or anything (or just curious, that’s cool too), feel free to ask more questions. i cant promise i’ll answer as quickly as i did this (cause i’m about to go pack b/c tmrw we’re going to visit my sister and her baby ☺️ so i’ll be busy prolly) but i’ll answer eventually

i hope this was helpful and/or enjoyable? if anyone actually read all of it ahdhdjsk

#long post #ask a boomerang #grace tag #boom stop using tags as an excuse to stay in bed. it’s time to paack #WHAT THE FUCK THAT JUST POPPED UP AND THATS WHAT IM DOING RN NO FAIR #tumblr how dare you call me out for being predictable #i literally don’t even travel much cause we’re in a literal pandemic yet apparently everytime i do. I procrastinate packing

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the-gay-trashmouth · 3 years

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I feel like this is way off topic but I've been thinking about it so heres a long ass post about it.

I feel like a lot of people don't understand that someone can be a "Good Parent" and also do toxic things. Like, i was talking to my friend about how her dad yells at her and never apologizes, even when she's driving and he knows she has serious twitches when she anxious. She got upset that i would dare imply her father is abusive, or that he is in someway someone she needs to cut out of her life.

My friends dad is a kind man. Hes funny, he accepting, and he used the right name a pronouns within the month that she told him. He always wants what's best for her and shes the center of his world. Hes a good man and a good parent- but he screams when he thinks shes done something wrong, even if it wasn't her fault or its a dangerous situation. That's toxic behavior and any therapist would tell you that. I would know, three of mine did.

I feel like this idea that parents are either perfectly fine and good or terrible and abusive when, in reality, parents are still just people with issues and toxic ideas that need to be addressed. After all, parenting is fucking hard. That's a whole ass human you're shaping and its your job to try and make sure they arent fucked up more than they have to be. There's no perfect guide for every child, and a lot of these behaviors are passed down from their parents. No, it doesn't make them abusive or unfit to parent, but its still harmful and in need of correcting.

I know that no one wants to call their parents out on their shit, especially if they're the only one you have left. I've all but cut my dad out of my life and if anyone says ine bad word about my mother I feel that defensive rage bubbling under my skin. How could I not? That's the woman that gave everything for me, the woman who taught me how to read and dream, who taught me to be kind and polite to everyone and to question everything about the world around you. She was the first person in my family to completely accept my sexuality and even made a joke about having to buy two wedding dresses instead of one, because she was already changing her dream for my life to fit my new lobe interest. Shes kind and sweet and helpful-

Shes also an alcoholic. She also disappeared in her grief and left me to fend for myself when i was just nine. She also guilts me for not working hard enough because im the only one who helps her. She also made me smoke myself sick when she found out i stole some of her smokes.

Shes not a bad mother, and she certainly not a bad person, but shes not perfect. Shes taken things from her parents (the guilt and the smoking thing) and made up the rest as she went along. I've learned to see that and work to correct the behaviors shes taught me. It took a lot of therapy for the both of us to get over past traumas and correct toxic behaviors. And i know if i ever have children there will be things i have to work through and fix within myself.

When you say that any toxic or otherwise unhealthy behavior means a parent is abusive and or unfit to parent, people get defensive. They refuse to actually listen because you've just told them their mom or dad is an abuser. And i feel like when you equate fuck ups and bad parenting to serious abuse, it can make kids who are actually being abused feel like its not so bad. After all, these people are calling mister Carl or whatever abusive and hes kind as all hell most of the time.

Idk maybe this is just me, but i know neglect. I know being ignored and left to fend for myself while i waste away in my room. I know being gaslit and convinced that my trauma didn't actually happen, or that i was blowing it our of proportion. There's a reason i don't spend time with my father. Theres a reason my grandmother kept me with her when my old stepfather was drunk.

Yes, the behavoir is toxic and yes you should always call out bad parenting and behavior but automatically labeling a parent as abusive or unfit isnt helping anything. It just makes people defensive and unlikely to actually look into it.

That's just my thoughts though, as someone who's been in actually toxic and neglectful households, I just don't.. I don't get it.

#abuse mention #tw abuse #abuse tw #toxic parents #stari wont shut up #tw neglect #neglect tw #self harm mention #tw self harm #self harm tw

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