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#but is proud of me for being my authentic self.
pisshandkerchief · 2 months
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the obvious double standard with which we as a society treat amab nonbinary people and trans women who don't fit the level of feminity that they're expected to is actually disgusting.
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faultsofyouth · 1 year
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I really am so sensitive my mother is right. I'm thinking about all the things right now and I have concluded that I am delicate. I let things hurt me that I don't need to
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drchucktingle · 3 months
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Chuck, how do you deal with people who are rude about you and your work? I write queer romance and I want to put my writing out there for people to read, but I'm a very sensitive person and I know it will be hard not to take insults personally and let them affect me. I don't want to let that stop me from expressing myself and sharing my art, but I'm scared!
very good question buckaroo. i am a good example of this as pretty much EVERYONE was rude about my work for many years calling it 'so bad its good' (it is just good) and 'terrible photoshop' (i think it has a great and instantly recognizable style) and 'intentionally stupid premises' (i dont think there is anything stupid about sex being fun and whimsical and playful). even these days the reaction of the VAST majority of buckaroos who discover chuck have this reaction AT FIRST, and then learn to appreciate the tingleverse in a more sincere way over time.
all that is to say BEING DOUBTED HAS WORKED OUT VERY WELL FOR ME. art that changes meaning over time can be very powerful, so if someones initial reaction to my trot is one thing and then it evolves into another thing, well that is just good art. while it can feel bad to get a bad review, i would say a bad review just means you have entered a realm of tension and change and discord and WE ARE TALKIN ABOUT ART BUD so that, in itself, is very exciting.
i think of what i do as 'punk writing', and a big part of that means pushing against preconceived sensibilities. not many other authors will proudly say 'there SHOULD be some spelling errors in my erotic shorts because i wrote it in a day and edited it once. that is the FEELING i want to create', but that is my way. by creating what is in my soul i KNOW i am going to bother some buckaroos and that is okay.
now i am NOT assuming you are also doing punk writing (that is okay of course we all have our own styles. what i am doing with tinglers is pretty rare), but it still stands to remember that there are 7.8 billion people on the planet of this dang timeline and some of them are bound to be bothered by your creations. that is not a problem, that is just part of baring your authentic self.
the other thing to remember is theres no REAL right or wrong in art. it can be analyzed in different ways and i tend to look at it in a way of comparing intention to result, but even THAT is not strictly correct. therefore any bad review of something you make is not actually BAD it is just someones information and feedback for you to take or leave. a one star review is just another opinion, it is no more right or wrong than your own opinion, and that is wonderful. it is freeing.
if i see a bad review of my own book, lets just say CAMP DAMASCUS for instance, i do not get upset because i know this: that reviewer is not wrong. camp damascus is five stars for me, but it is one star for someone else AND THAT IS OK. THAT IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. THAT IS GREAT ART. also MAYBE THEY KNOW BETTER THAN I DO. just because i wrote the book does not mean i am the authority on it, and the conversation and tension between those that enjoy something and those that despise it is a creative act. the audience engaging with your work is just your art emerging from its cocoon and saying 'here i am. lets see where i flutter off to now'
do not fear the river of this timeline sweeping away your creations and carrying them where it will. this is inevitable, but it is also beautiful and freeing. you cannot swim against it and that is okay bud, because YOU HAVE ALREADY WON. you have already created something and given a piece of yourself back to this timeline and that is a great honor and privilege. it is literally all there is
by creating ANYTHING you are proving love is real, and that is something to be proud of
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hyperactively-me · 8 months
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king!ghost x reader -- names
i'm actually pretty proud of this.
It’s late in the morning, the day after your wedding. 
“How did you sleep last night, Ghost?” you ask quietly, both of you sitting together at the breakfast table. 
His head shoots up. Until now, you had exclusively addressed him as “your majesty.” He hates the way the name “Ghost” slips from your lips, a name associated with violence, bloodshed, and death – a stark mismatch for the softness of your voice. 
He recognizes the weight of his own choices and the persona he wears, a mantle that has garnered him a reputation both feared and respected. And yet, hearing it from you, spoken with a blend of familiarity and concern, stirs a strange vulnerability he's unaccustomed to.
A fleeting vulnerability passes through his eyes before being replaced by a mask of practiced stoicism. He ponders the paradox of his identity, the dichotomy between the name that echoes with shadows of his deeds and the person he aspires to be in your presence. The furrow on his brow speaks volumes of the internal struggle, the desire for understanding conflicting with the self-imposed isolation he's maintained for years. 
“Fuckin’ hell, don’t call me that.”
“What do you mean? That’s your name—”
“It’s not my name.”
You pause for a moment.
“Okay then…” you clasp your hands together, pushing yourself up from your seat. You start to make your way towards the door when his voice rings out into the silence. 
“It’s Simon.” 
You spin around. Simon, not Ghost, a name that cuts through the layers of notoriety, revealing a part of him few have seen. The name holds a vulnerability that carries with it a promise of authenticity and connection beyond what you two have had together. He watches you, unsure of how you'll respond, the lines of his face softening slightly as he waits for your reaction. He stands from his seat, making his way towards you. The clash between the formidable reputation he's built and the genuine person he wants to reveal to you lies bare before you.
You take a step closer, and your voice carries a warmth laced with understanding. 
“Simon,” you say softly, testing the syllables as if acknowledging a secret shared. In your eyes, there's a spark of acceptance, a recognition of the trust he's extended. 
His heart jumps at the way his name, Simon, effortlessly rolls off your tongue, silk smooth. 
Simon meets your gaze, a flicker of hope mingling with the residual shadow of uncertainty. It's a small step, yet one that signifies the possibility of change, of a connection that transcends the boundaries of titles and facades. As he stands there in the dimly lit breakfast room, he's aware that there’s no turning back now. He wants you to see his true self, he just doesn’t know where to begin.
“Simon.” You blink.
“...Yes?” 
“Hm. It suits you.” You pat his chest with a gentle touch, give him the smallest of smiles, and turn to freshen up for the day. 
He stands there, mouth agape, a furious blush creeping up his face. 
Fuck. He’s screwed.
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(masterlist)
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genderqueerdykes · 8 months
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i understand they're not for everyone, but i do think a lot of people who are primarily exposed to queerness through online discourse would benefit from going to a queer bar and experiencing other queers having fun with each other in a distinctly queer way. i had been looking to attend a kink night at a queer bar for a while, and I finally got to go to one last night, and i'm very glad that i did. I was fortunate that the bar I went to had CBD drinks, so I could enjoy myself despite not being able to drink alcohol
there was an old woman with a rollator who set up at a table right next to the stage with free candy and snacks for everyone, but especially for the drag performers. I found that a lot of people there ended up calling her mom. she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me to get home safe as I was leaving. she told me she'd see me next weekend, see was there every week.
there were adults of all ages there it was an underwear & animal play night, and the house was busy. drag queens and kings, bears, pups, bunnies, cats, leather people and all kinds of vanilla folks showed up. people in collars and harnesses, in jockstraps and leather briefs, on leashes, being lead around on their hands and knees. there were drag performances all throughout the nights and some of the queens included BDSM elements into their performances
i spent the night dancing with the leather puppy boys including an FTM pup who became my friend, some extremely cute old men with white hair and glittery shorts, a middle aged asian man in tiny black undies who really got into the music, an older man who looked like Freddie Mercury who was wearing tiny undies with pink straps and tall pink pumps, a lesbian couple who were fiercely making out most of the night, and a very tall person wearing a shirt that said "stay queer as fuck" with glittery rhinestoned shoes.
i saw a lot of people who were unafraid to be themselves. a lot of people who were willing to show this small slice of the world who they are, their authentic self, no matter what that meant. no one did anything that invaded my boundaries by being their authentic selves. others being loud and proud about themselves didn't drown me out. i felt more like it was okay to be who i was, too. dancing with the pups helped me realize that i'm ready to get into pup play, after questioning if it was for me for years. the exposure was healthy, it's hard to know certain things for sure until you actually put yourself out there
it's not an environment for everyone, i get that. but in whatever ways you can find it exposure to other queers in person is lifesaving, especially when you are having fun. sitting and meeting with each other and discussing what it means to be queer is important, but having fun together in a queer way is literally vital to our health and well being. just talking about being queer all the time won't nourish your soul. experiencing queer fun is necessary, especially when it comes to adults. we're need to and are allowed to have fun with each other in a distinctly queer way. it's important to embrace it when and where possible, in whatever ways make sense for you.
you'll feel a lot less self conscious when you see other people happily flying their freak flag, too
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punkpandapatrixk · 7 months
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[PPA Masterlist] [corresponding PAC]
✨THAT GIRL ★ Concept Affirmations
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✨concept✨
I am THAT GIRL I’ve always known myself to be. I embrace my originality. I thrive in my authenticity. I flaunt my strong personal brand that fearlessly reflects my energetic signature. I love myself, my routine, my transformation. I honour my progress and pat myself on the back at the end of each day. Every day is a good day to be alive. Every day I work joyfully towards building my empire. I know with certainty my Divine Timing is just around the corner. I am THAT GIRL I’ve always known myself to be.
✨stability✨
To become a fabulous girl, I gotta believe in myself. I have faith in the choices I make. With that, I free myself from background noises that are criticising every single step I take. I heal myself from all and any kinds of trauma from childhood, adolescence, as well as adulthood. I silence all demonic voices that are telling me I’m doing something wrong. I’m not. I’m learning and I’m making progress at a pace that matches me. I’m comfortable with the idea of making mistakes because that’s how I learn to discern what’s right and wrong. I don’t sweat the small things. I don’t punish myself for mishaps. I’m happy to learn. I’m proud of myself, always. I am a fabulous girl. I believe in me.
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✨productivity✨
I have the energy to do everything I want, everything that matters to my happiness. I am productive at a pace that is comfortable to me. I don’t let other people rush me. I am in my centre, always. I create, study, exercise and work at a pace that is rational and with a calm mind. I am happy and energised when I work create, study, exercise and work on things that I know matter to me. I look forward to my results on a 24-hour basis. I am always happy with whatever progress I have made within a 24-hour basis. My physical health is taken care of. My mental health is honoured and prioritised. I am a happy girl/boy~ I have the energy to do everything I want, everything that matters to my happiness.
✨magick✨
Money makes me happy because I love what I do to earn it. Money flows to me easily and effortlessly, in a way that is both expected and delightfully unexpected. I always have more than enough money in my possession. With the money I make, I am able to live a comfortable life that suits me. The money I make help me be in touch with my true spirituality. I always know what good I can do with my money, both for myself and those I care about. I am rational when spending money. I spend money wisely to take care of myself and those I care about. I have amazing money management skills. Money is not something I chase, rather it is attracted to me because of my abundance mindset. I make a lot of money and I am worth every cent.
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✨manifesting✨
I speed up my positive manifestations via the elimination of disbelief. I dissolve right here and right now all remnants of lack mindset and all remnants of constrictive traumatic experiences. I dissolve penchant for drama. I dissolve karma. With my superconscious power I eliminate all background noises that are telling me I don’t deserve to live fabulously. I am deserving of everything I wish to see manifest in my physical reality. I am always deserving to have good things. I am deserving of a clean and healthy life. I deserve to be happy and pretty. My mind is now filled with butterflies and rainbows. My subconscious mind is paradise, forever free from parasites. My mind is strong and sure. My self-esteem is high and healthy. I regenerate my faith in my Self and the benevolence of the Universe.
✨miracles✨
I am a divine being having a Human experience. I don’t let logic get in the way. My way is the way of magic and miracles. My logic helps me get through challenges but my magic is what manifests favourable outcomes in spite of adversity. I believe in miracles. I am a miracle. I magnetise good luck and rare opportunities. I have what it takes to become a vibrational match to good luck and miracles. My skills are top notch. My knowledge is abundant. I work well with others and have great social skills. I easily distinguish professional and personal situations. I don’t let people hurt my feelings or traumatise me. Whatever others say, that’s a reflection of their own mindset. I get on with my own miracle mindset. The world is full of miracles because I am here.
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
[Patreon] [Paid Readings]
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August 1996 & August 2023
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In my late 20’s I was soft.
I hid behind excuses, rationalizations, and self deprecating humour.
I didn’t respect myself.
I didn’t like myself.
I was drifting further away from who I knew I was inside.
I was lazy.
Complacent.
Embarrassed.
Ashamed.
Unhealthy.
Unfocused.
Undisciplined.
I’m in my 50’s now.
I have dedication.
Purpose.
Grit.
I’m healthier, focused, and disciplined.
Accountable.
Happier.
I am the most genuine and authentic version of myself.
I’m proud of my work.
My sacrifices.
My challenges.
My integrity.
This is me.
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So the moral of the story is….
Transformation is a process riddled with ups and downs. Honestly...some days it seems all you get is a healthy serving of hurdles. Life has a funny way of challenging every plan you put into motion. Setbacks followed by crippling self doubt followed by injury. I've learned there are no days off. You just gotta trudge on. Dig in. Embrace Grit.
Unlearning years of bad habits isn't easy, it’s that old path of least resistance thing, but I've never felt more healthy or proud of the work once I've put in an honest effort. You just gotta trust in the process. Faith in yourself to be a little bit better tomorrow. Continue focusing on better eating, commitment to training with purpose and working on your mental health.
Realize, we all stumble. I’m actually fairly proficient at it. But failure is a single event not a characteristic. It doesn’t define you any more than a single success does. Successful people have one thing in common - they find out what it takes to be successful and repeatedly do it. It’s that simple. They do it, again and again, not talk about it. Actions have always spoken louder than words, we all know this. Being knowledgeable in regards to fitness plans, diet information and health tips is only part of the journey. To get anywhere you need to apply it all in to action. Daily. Determination and discipline, not discussion, determine your distance. Stop talking about it and do it. And as cliché as it is, try to focus on ‘progress not perfection’. Even baby steps are moving you further away from who you were yesterday.
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theclassiccosmic · 2 months
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Pick a Pile / March Epiphanies
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Images from Instagram & @hikayelertukendii
PILE 1 - White Tulips
Pile 1 - 6 of Pentacles Reversed, Page of Wands, Knight of Cups, Nine of Wands, Ten of Swords Reversed
Miracles, Strength, Tenacity, Fortitude, End of Suffering
You are stronger than you know. I’m getting the image of the Disney movie, Hercules. He is raised by his mortal parents, always having to be careful with his strength and abilities. However, in this time, it’s like you are coming “online” to the fact that this is your authentic identity. No more “being careful”, no more hiding. You’re taking a leap in something, even if you’re scared. As soon as you take that leap, I see miracles being rained down on you! Yes, babe!! You are leaning into your strong leadership role. You’re being your true self, even if you’ve been told that you are usually “too much” for people. Let those people go find less. You are embracing who you are now. You are loving yourself. You are filling your own cup. You should be so so proud of yourself! I’m proud of you <3
Oracle Cards: Quiet Your Mind, My Heart is Open to Love, Radiate Confidence
These tell me that you should take time to regularly meditate or pray. Everyday. Your thoughts become things, so make sure you’re quieting your mind daily. This will bring out your best timeline. Grounding will make you more confident, less anxious. Embracing your authenticity will open your heart up to love. Loving yourself, loving others, attracting a romantic partner. This will all culminate for you, as you *actively* participate in bringing it in. Spirit and the Universe/God, is always here for you. They are cheering you on as you enter this new chapter!
Song for Pile 1: Can I Jump? - Freya Ridings
PILE 2 - Red Tulips
Pile 2 - Five of Cups Reversed, The Emperor, Three of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles
This will be a month for you to release a toxic ex or situationship. This connection left you out in the cold. It was all you initiating and desiring (ie. You doing everything, and them not doing sh*t) Too one sided. You might have met them at work, like you two work together, or you went to their place of business looking for a service and met them (like the barista at your local coffee shop). But here’s the thing, your attention was only the first way they were *taking* from you. You were also giving your power away by giving their establishment money (examples that I’m getting: paying for coffee, continually going to them to groom your dog, going to them for some sort of healing service - chiropractor, reiki, massage). And they just kept taking! Bc they knew you liked them and their ego was getting stroked. But not anymore!! With the Queen of Pentacles and The Emperor I’m seeing you taking your power back! They were bleeding you dry, keeping you disempowered, until you reached a big mental shift and energetic upgrade (could be peaking this month!) Finally you are coming out of the cold (this pile is the only one where the flowers are in the snow - coincidence? I think not). You are choosing yourself. You are realizing that you are worth more. You are worth reciprocal energy exchanges. You are worth receiving as well as giving. You are worth the Sun being shone on YOU instead of the other way around all of the time. Yes, babe! I’m loving this for you!
Oracle Cards: I Release All Negative Energy, Surrender to the Spirit Energy, Strong Brave Bold, You Will Not Stand in the Shadow of Another
The Oracle cards even speak of this being a negative/toxic connection. Actively work on releasing it (cord cutting ceremonies, meditation, journaling), they are not worthy of you boo! You are strong, brave and bold and sometimes people see that, and instead of being *attracted* to it in a romantic way, they are drawn to it in a way that brings forth envy. They want to take it from you. But like these Oracle Cards say, You will NOT stand in the shadow of another! It’s giving…self respect okay! Move on and watch your glow up explode!!
Song for Pile 2: We Can’t Be Friends (Wait for Your Love) - Ariana Grande
PILE 3 - Lilac Tulips
Pile 3 - Strength, Four of Wands Reversed, Six of Pentacles Reversed, Queen of Swords Reversed, Ace of Swords
3 out of your 5 cards came out reversed. You’re definitely laying something down now. “Laying down the struggle” is what just came through. In the deck that I’m using, even your upright Ace of Swords is showing a hand dropping the sword. You’re not fighting anymore. You’re done making life hard. I’m getting this visual of that old Disney movie The Sword and the Stone. In all of your cards, your swords and your wands are pointing down, they’re falling. I’m seeing them fall into the stone from that movie. And then you come along, with all of your innate intuitive power, and pull them out. You are making what hurt you, now *work* for you. You better get it, fam. Side note: when I looked up that movie, the year really called out to me. It was made in 1963, and when I look up the angel number 1963 online it says “Angel Number 1963 asks you to trust and believe that you will always have plenty to care for yourself and your loved ones. Know that you are able to confidently serve your life purpose and soul mission with your wants and needs being met along the way. The angels and Universal Energies will ensure that your material needs are always met in Divine right time. Trust that the Universe provides all.” [Sacred Scribes blogspot] Which brings me to the energy of the Strength card. On my deck, strength is represented by the bull. Very much like a Taurus. You may have a Taurus Mars {the planet of action and doing) or you may have a lot of Taurus or fixed energy in your birth chart. Either way, this is telling me that everything is going at the pace in which it should. Divine timing is at play right now. I’m feeling like some of you may have been feeling frustrated by how long this “healing journey” has been going on for you. Peep what the oracle messages had for you “everything will reveal itself in time”.
Oracle Cards: My Destiny Will Reveal Itself in Time, Surrender to the Spirit Energy, Consider All Your Options Before Acting, Let Go of Things That No Longer Serve You
There is healing happening here. You are surrendering. You are trusting the divine timing of it all. And if you’re *not* doing that, then the message here is for you to lean more into that this month. It is imperative for your growth and ascension. In life we must let go of things, people, environments that no longer serve us. It’s sad but it’s true, not everyone is meant to go with you on this journey. Consider your options. Trust your intuition. Don’t let others make your decision for you. Make the decisions and life choices that will make your heart happy. In doing so, you will let go of a lot of hurt and strife that you are no longer meant to be experiencing, love. You’ve got this!!
Song for Pile 3: Now is the Hour - The 1975
DM me for personal/private readings or if you’d like to dive deeper into one of these piles! Until next time -xo
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tarotwithavi · 1 year
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The compliments you have been receiving behind your back
Not a post you asked for but a post you needed 💅
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Piles : 1~2~3
I won't put a note here because you deserve all these compliments my love. I hope all the brightest stars continue to shine upon you. No diamonds or gold could compare to how precious you are.
I hope you enjoy it! Love you.
Masterlist paid services
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Pile 1
Hello pile1!! First of all let me tell you , you guys have been receiving a lot of compliments behind your back. People have been talking about the way you dress and how honest and cut throat you are. Just heard " I love how they dress it's just so awsome" . A lot of people want to work with you and get to know you. You have a very unique and authentic personality. A lot of people have been complimenting your drawing/painting skills. I am getting that a lot of people especially people around your age are talking about how knowledgeable you are . I am getting that recently some of you received some recognition and people are talking about that. They are talking about your skills . People admire you for who you are and how authentic you are. But that may attract some wannabes too. Hmm people are talking about who much you have evolved and complimenting you on that. I received a message that your parents and the people you consider your family are really proud of you. They might not say it but they are in fact really proud of what you have accomplished, even if it's nothing in your eyes.
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Pile 2
People have been complimenting you because you are good friend my pile 2 . You would do anything and everything for your friends and people admire that. Some of them even wish to be friends with you but remember to protect yourself from toxic people my loves. Hmm I'm getting a lot of you are working on yourself and probably run business and people are complimenting you for that. People love how you take care of yourself and how you work. People are complimenting your independence and how you don't need a partner to feel complete. I'm seeing that your high on self love and probably take yourself to dates. I heard " I aspire to be like pile 2 " , " Pile 2 is my ideal type". Pile 2 a lot of people see you as a perfect partner and you have alot of suitors too. People love how you're able to pull anyone off" . Omg pile 2 you guys have a lot of suitors. Most of the compliments you are receiving behind your back are from opposite gender. I'm seeing two guys here who are head over heels for you. One of is a fire sign or Mars dominant and the other one is earth sign or Saturn dominant. Okay so a lot or people are talking about and complimenting your voice and the way you speak . You guys have a really charming and alluring voice.
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Pile 3
"I love how strong pile 3 is" This is the first thing I heard. Also I'm seeing that people who have seen you grow and become a better person are not talking about how much you have changed and how strong you have become. You are also very well liked by your peers. I'm seeing a friend is talking about you to other but not in a negative but they are talking about how they love to be your friend and how they'll never want this friendship to come to an end. Now I know this post is about compliments but I see that someone who you cut off ties is talking behind your back or talking to the mutual friends you guys have about how much they regret their actions. People are also talking about you being a great mother now you don't have to have a child for that. Maybe you take care of your pet and people see that you will become a great mother in the future. " Pile 3 literally light up the place, they are like a ray of sunshine" . People feel comfortable in your presence. Your energy is so nurturing and soft that it's melts them haha. Sometimes they become obsessed with your energy. So please protect yourself. Some of you might be thinking about horse riding? I see you being a girlboss. There's a leo who wants to talk to you. They might contact you soon.
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unfortunate17 · 25 days
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I’ve always wanted to write Wilmon fic but nothing I write sounds like their authentic voice. You always manage to get them so in character, sometimes it feels like you’re secretory in the writer’s room. I guess I’m asking if you have any tips or tricks for characterizing Wille/Simon
Surprise, I’m actually Lisa
But thank you anon, that’s so sweet. Let me kind of lay out my thoughts on how I write them and hopefully that will help.
In general, I think you should always start with a character’s flaws and build their reactions to events/people from there. It’ll also give you a good starting place for whatever emotional journey you want to take them on.
For Wille’s flaws: there’s a lack of emotional maturity here. Wille’s usually not intentionally mean, but most of his flaws come from how unaware he is and how he ends up unintentionally hurting the people around him but is often unable to understand how he did so because, to him, his actions are always, completely justifiable. He’s almost emotionally stunted in a way, and he kind of has trouble identifying what he’s feeling at any given moment which is what makes him tip towards anger and frustration more often than not. He reacts poorly to situations and people he can’t control, which is a hallmark symptom of anxiety. As a result, he has trouble putting words to his thoughts in a meaningful, constructive way. He’s impulsive and stubborn and self absorbed.
For Simon’s flaws: he’s actually incredibly emotionally intelligent and very perceptive - but he uses this intelligence to be intentionally cruel when he’s angry. For example, in arguments with Wille or Sara, he uses his intellect to pinpoint exactly what he needs to say to cut them down completely. He’s very, very good at getting the last word and sometimes he gets kind of consumed by that. Simon’s definitely not the super nice approachable guy at school - he’s a cunt to Wille on his very first day, he’s loud and outspoken, and hard headed. He’s also got a slightly hypocritical streak of idealism where he’s an idealist when it comes to the things that affect him, but is sometimes unable to offer the same grace to other people, especially when he’s angry or hurt. He also has a difficult time asking for help and being vulnerable.
Wille’s positives: he’s loyal, romantic, and he doesn’t have a wandering eye, he likes being coddled a little and is unafraid to ask for it, he’s quicker to admit that he’s wrong and knows when to give in, he’s also incredibly bold and brave - he’s unafraid to be the black sheep of the family, but he still loves his family and wants them to be proud of him.
Simon’s positives: he’s incredibly selfless and wants to take care of the people he loves and genuinely likes being there for them, he likes being supported but not protected - he loves that Wille respects his autonomy and thinks he’s capable, he has a strong sense of right and wrong and he stands up for what he believes in even if it might hurt him or if he might end up being wrong. he’s also a romantic and he definitely likes grand gestures and praise.
As for their dynamic, I always liken it to that old Christmas story where the husband sells his prized pocket watch to buy his wife a set of expensive combs, only for her to have cut and sold her hair to buy him a gold chain for his watch.
Just don’t be afraid to make them fight and annoy each other and not always say the right thing. It doesn’t take away from their love in any way.
Sorry this got out of hand, but I could talk about it forever. Hopefully that was even the slightest bit helpful ❣️
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planefood · 6 months
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Autism and Isolation, discussing my experience and my characters
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I think i've said here before that my robot characters represent my experience growing up disabled where I live. My characters being robots specifically were made to represent feelings of being made to feel less human in some way due to it. While all my characters in that story are on the spectrum and represent different parts of my experience, I used Mikey as the cover of this post because he represents a certain part of myself that makes me incredibly attached to him (there's a reason I say I like writing him so much, despite him not being the main protagonist). He's the part of me that understands I need help with things but is too afraid to ask leaving me in horrible positions, he's the part of me who screams in public when I feel trapped, he's the part of me that could probably never live by myself, he's the part of me who's scared and vulnerable. Among other things. But also he's the part of me who, like many of my peers, feels isolated in everyday spaces and autistic spaces alike due to peoples perceptions of what autism "should" be, these same people welcome fidget toys and stimming with open arms turn around and think its okay to call me the r slur or infantalise me or make fun of until I cry. But I only cry because I thought i'd be welcomed in those spaces with my autistic peers and I cry because I told my younger self it would get better and people would be nicer to us once we were an adult with like minded people. These same people who, despite being open and proud about supporting neurodiversity still think its okay to use the word autistic as an insult against me. I feel like while people appear so much more accepting of disabled people with these small gestures than I was when I was growing up, I still feel like an outsider in these spaces but this time it feels like I've hit a wall. Like a, "who will support me if the people who are meant to don't?" it leads to a lot of insecurity and self loathing, it makes me feel like I'm not autistic in the "right way" and there's just something wrong with me as a person. I wrote these into Mikey, which makes him seem like he has a 'thin skin' to people like Tandy. Mikey, in my story, is often left behind or teased by other characters in my story even the ones who are also on the spectrum. They also struggle with their own battles with facing ableism and self hatred due to it but don't realise the first step to tackling that is unpacking how they treat others around them. You'll never be able to love your true authentic autistic self if you throw ableist rhetoric at people around you. That includes saying shit like "I'm autistic and I don't act like that guy does whats their excuse" or "I'm not making fun of them because they're autistic they just act weird" I'm low support needs autistic, I've seen how people treat high support needs autistic people and its even more sickening, other low support needs autistic people like to pretend they don't exist or throw them under the bus to make themselves more appealing to ableists: "See autistic people don't actually act like that, support me because I can mask" or even trying to say autism isn't a disability. My characters and writing while being a representation of myself being disabled is also a scathing criticism of the cruelty I see in the world at large, the cruelty I see in other people in ND and disabled communities and the cruelty I see within myself. I get scared about my future with how people treat me, but when I have characters I can write these struggles into it makes it a little easier. I know there's people who love me for who I am and there's people out there who love you guys for who you are too.
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on authenticity
My mood in the recent months keeps going from bad to worse. Today I randomly fell into the rabbit hole of checking out other patreon artists, which always grounds me in reality and cheers me up, perhaps in a weird way. Essay incoming \o/
Authenticity is a blob of a word that sounds almost pretentious nowadays. It gets sneered at. You either sell your soul, or you don't earn with your art.
What's authentic, being true to yourself, will vary from person to person. It's like a sliding scale of suffering that you will tolerate in exchange for a coin, while convincing yourself that you have fun.
The harsh truth of modern world is that if your art pays for your living, you've already reached success, no matter how you may feel about the type of content you actually make for that money. Insert the meme furry nsfw art here. Or not furry. Or even sfw, but comms, lots of comms every month. Or merch. Anything that sells. Products first, art second.
Marrying passion and profession is virtually impossible, yet I'm doing it, only thanks to your support. I'm acutely aware that, even as I choose to be "real" and talk about an artist's money-making in a raw way, it's still patreon talk, and yes, I'll plug the link as well, so technically this entire post is an ad *fingerguns*
I just feel so privileged being able to create whatever the fuck I want, literally, I take no comms/requests/guidance on what and how should I draw/write, I post experimental, sometimes provocative stuff, and still make enough to survive. This sole fact should get me through the day, whatever other struggles I may be facing currently (I am. I don't wanna talk about it rn, instead I distract myself with this text), I should always remember the unique place in life I managed to carve for myself.
There are madmen (gender-neutral) who toss $10-20 at me every month. The majority "only" pledges $1, the notorious tier that gets treated as a tip jar with no rewards by many other creators. All of my rewards are the same at $1 and $20 (save for the one-time digital artbook download at $10, just to be perfectly clear), it's a conscious choice and a risk I continue taking because it's how I am. I used to split rewards between tiers in the past, before xiv, and it was a lot of busy work while it made me treat my art less as art and more as product. This pic goes into the cheap box, this pic goes into the expensive box. Every month. It's. Definitely not for every artist.
Logistic hell of splitting and delivering rewards, different posts with less comments per post, also my discord roles/channels would have to be split, nowadays it's just patron, whether you give me $1 or $20, there's no visual disparity, you're hanging out in the same cool kids' club, and collectively making happy noises on Fragments Fridays.
Could I be making more money if I got rid of the $1 tier? Yeah. But, mercifully, after 2 years I don't need to. I legit make enough currently, my only worry is to keep what I have. Patrons don't stay forever, 2-5 people would leave every month, about the same number would join (hence my patreon ads, I need to keep people reminded of it, even if it makes me feel guilty every damn time). I did Research (tm) in the past to find out that my "bleeding" numbers are below average, i.e. it's good, people generally tend to stick around.
I put a lot of emphasis on the $1 because I'm kinda proud of what I managed to accomplish while staying self-detrimentally humble. Literally doing an impossible thing in a world that keeps burning down. So yeah if you've been feeling bad for only giving me $1, what matters is that there's enough $1s to make a difference. Together you're creating a phenomenon, and you should be proud.
There are many stupid little principles, hills that I'll die on, that make up my authenticity. I chose to speak of it here and now in order to sorta sell myself, so it feels hypocritical x'D But if I don't shine a spotlight on this, who will. I'm old and jaded and increasingly terrified of how insincere the internet's becoming. Everything's fake, sugarcoated, polished for sale. My art's always been a scream of defiance against all that, now that I'm more or less established, I wanna scream louder. Thanks for hearing my screams. You can scream with me too if you want.
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🎀🍥EXCUSE ME , I LOVE YOU🎀🍥
- Affirmations from Alanna Fox Guided mediation for Beauty , Confidence and body image.
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You can speak these affirmations while doing skincare or looking at the mirror . It will help you alot ! TAKE A DEEP BREATH😮‍💨AND LET'S START☺️
🎀I am beautiful
🍥I am protected
🎀I feel beautiful
🍥It is safe for me to exude beauty and confidence wherever I go
🎀I am breathtakingly gorgeous and my soul shines bright
🍥My skin is clear , supple and glowing
🎀My complexion is flawless
🍥My eye brows are full and shaped perfectly for my shape.
🎀My eyes are bright, beautiful and full of love.
🍥My eyelashes are long and beautiful
🎀It is safe for me to have confidence.
🍥Every feature on my face is perfect exactly the way it is.
🎀My smile is captivating and contagious
🍥My lips are soft and full
🎀My teeth are straight and sparkling white.
🍥My hair is long , strong , thick and healthy.
🎀My hair is free from split ends and breakage.
🍥My hair cooperates with any style that I choose to wear.
🎀My body is flawless
🍥I have great posture and I love my figure
🎀My body is breathtakingly gorgeous
🍥I am at my ideal and healthy weight
🎀I now have the body I have always dreamed of
🍥My body is a precious gift and I treat it such.
🎀My body is healthy
🍥I feel so good in my body
🎀I really enjoy what I see when I look in the mirror.
🍥I am a woman who possess beauty , elegance and intelligence
🎀I am proud of myself
🍥I love to feed my body healthy and delicious foods every single day.
🎀I take pride in taking care of my hair , skin and nails .
🍥My nails and toes are always beautifully manicured.
🎀I always smell simply irrestible.
🍥My beauty is mesmerizing and unique .
🎀I carry myself with poise and elegance.
🍥I attract love and prosperity.
🎀I respect myself.
🍥My personal hygiene is a ritual that I love to perform everyday.
🎀I really enjoy getting up and getting dressed every day.
🍥I take pride in my appearance.
🎀I am so grateful for a closet full of luxurious fabrics that flatter my shape.
🍥I always look my best.
🎀I am so grateful for my admirable sense of style.
🍥My mind is clear of self doubt.
🎀I easily attract success by being my authentic self.
🍥I believe in myself and my abilities.
🎀I play an important positive role in the lives of so many.
🍥I deserve to enjoy every single moment of my amazing life.
🎀My confidence inspires others to embrace themselves.
🍥Lovely things are always coming into my life for my highest good.
🎀I am the main character of my life's story.
🍥It's my natural state to be wealthy , loving and genuine.
🎀🍥REPEAT🎀🍥 link of the guided meditation- Click me !
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thisisthinprivilege · 10 months
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How can I overcome internalized fatphobia? How can I not hate what I look like when I'm fat?
This is going to be a different process for everyone, so I'm not sure what will work for you. I will let you know what worked for me, and hopefully you find it helpful.
Deprogramming Step One: Coming to grips with having been programmed in the first place. Beauty standards change from age to age, they are not inborn as far as our research is able to conclude. There's perhaps a weak preference for facial symmetry, but that's about it. Weight-based beauty standards have not only varied wildly through human history, they vary in our very own era, between-cultures. Often what we believe we find beautiful has been programmed into us from a very early age. There's no conspiracy, it's simply how cultural preferences are transmitted within-culture: through the adults we look up to, media, and reinforced by peers. That's not to say deprogramming is a simple matter. It's very difficult. I wonder now, almost 15 years after starting my own journey to deprogram myself, whether who I find beautiful or attractive is rooted in beauty standards I saw reflected as a kid or teen.
Deprogramming Step Two: Define and avoid thin-centric messaging. A big part of this for me was controlling the media I consumed. I unsubscribed to cable, for instance, because of the intrusive and omnipresent weight loss ads. That was 15 years ago, but it's surprising how similar some streaming services/channels are in terms of ad length and intrusiveness these days. Unfortunately, tiktoks/reels aren't entirely controllable. Even though I don't consume weight loss or diet content, weight loss/diet tiktoks/reels pop up occasionally. Besides ads, you should also consider whether your magazines, books, movies, and shows over-focus on the stories of thin people, or demonize fat people. Obviously, stop watching exploitative shows that turn the lives of fat people into sideshows or sob stories. More controversially, you might want to temporarily unsubscribe or mute fat activist content. Fat activism is a highly stressful space where we confront the hatred of fat people explicitly. It's not great for deprogramming thin-centric messaging, because fat activists will be talking about thin-centric messaging from a critical perspective. Take a break, for a while.
Deprogramming Step Three: Exposure to fat-positive content. This is the fun part of the process, where you get a chance to rewrite the aesthetic coding in your brain! I suggest searching out fat models who wear the kind of clothing you like, fat role models who share your interests, fat positive videos showcasing fat people doing amazing things, fat positive art, fat positive fiction and movies, and so on. Fatshion is full of fat positivity. Be wary of "body positive" content, as it can still be subtly or explicitly fatphobic. I warn you, after a few months of exposure to a different aesthetic, thin-centric media is gonna look hella strange. You'll go to see some romcom-flavor-of-the-month movie and be like, "Where are all the fat people? Why is everyone super skinny?"
Deprogramming Step Four: From theory to practice. This step is about starting to wear the clothes you want to wear, being loud and proud to exist as a fat person in public, being romantically bolder if romance is your thing, being more assertive and confident in your body, traveling to the places you've always wanted to go, doing things you were holding back doing before, etc. You may need to dwell in Step Three for a while, or revisit it over and again, in order to complete Step Four. This doesn't mean becoming an activist. This means becoming your authentic self without fat-related qualms. Yes, you will still be constrained by the greater world around you. Traveling, going out to eat, dating, interviewing for jobs, even going to a fucking concert will present constraints and bigotries that smaller people (everything else held equal) don't have to face. But you can now see them as constraints placed on you, not as constraints you place on yourself or that are in any way deserved. Hopefully, you will be able to face them without it destroying your sense of self-worth.
Deprogramming Step Five: The authentic self...? We know that as fat people we are not morally or otherwise inferior to thin(ner) people. So what does it mean to leave our best and most authentic lives, as fat people? This is the human question, that all humans share with each other equally. We are connected to each other, each on our own grand journey to answer this question. When you are able to separate the sociocultural difficulty of being a fat person in a fat-hating society from your own life journey, you have one less barrier to manage in answering the great human question. At this stage, you'll feel calm and comfortable in your body, and surprised when people point out your fatness or treat you differently for it. They're distracted by false moral categories, while you have better things to do. Does anyone ever permanently dwell in this stage? Probably not. But I feel like this most of the time, now. It takes a lot to drag me back into the world where one of the worst things you can call another human is "fatty." I've got books to read and write, math to learn, art to create. A life to live, where my possibilities are not defined by the size of my body.
-ArteToLife
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middlenamesage · 27 days
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I’ll let you in on a little secret: “Pretty privilege” is not nearly as real as Venusian privilege. 🤫 💖
Disclaimer: I’m not speaking on the latter from personal experience, as my natal chart does not grant me the status of “Venusian” in the slightest. But Mars conjunct my Venus has made me very motivated to understand Venus; seemingly especially when I’m going through Mars transits because these two characters can not be separated in my psyche!
Before I even learned astrology in depth, I always noticed it wasn’t necessarily the physically prettiest people/women who get all the offers, praise, and support coming to them. The way I used to term it, “personality privilege” is a lot more substantial than the concept of “pretty privilege” that people like to cite. Because I always noticed the privileges were most coming to those whose vibe felt most warm and open, and/or whose vibe had an aura of knowing and exercising their deservingness when it comes to receiving support or attention.
Now I know that this is Venusian energy in a nutshell. And I’ve confirmed the presence of a strong Venus in the people I had always known that struck me as having a lot of offers and support coming to them and being well-liked and recognized by others, but who weren’t necessarily all that conventionally physically attractive.
What matters more if you wish to manifest people giving more to you is in most cases not a major physical makeover; it’s an energetic makeover. Having “I’m pretty and deserving” consciousness and feeling energetically open to people is where the “privilege” most lies!
I’m not exactly the one to give advice on how to project more Venusian energy, and frankly I’m personally not even really trying to gain more of the stereotypical Venus energy embodied by The Empress. While it would be nice to ultimately have a less conflicted relationship with my own Venus, I’m not conflicted about one thing: She’s in fire🔥♌️, so the interpersonal prowess of Venus truly isn’t my main focus with her; learning to self love and self validate has been. I’m proud🦁 of my emotional independence, even if it can be a little extreme, and the stereotype that Leo Venus needs undue attention from others has never resonated with me! Have we forgotten that fire is individuality and independence? Most of my life experiences have given me no other option than to learn how to self validate if I want more validation. This also is due to having multiple neurodivergencies and having built some walls around me due to trauma, that make me seem less open… but I think that still fits a Venus placement not most focused on social graces, and a wounded Venus from a lifetime of being conjunct a stronger Mars! ❤️‍🩹
Maybe other fire Venuses or Martian Venuses or people that have Venus in any setup where she’s not in an advantageous position to charm people with her social skills will relate. 🤗 Our paths might be different; for us embracing that we’re focusing on self acceptance in our journeys to find peace, and recognizing that we possibly also have very emphasized lessons in our journey on how to keep certain people out of our lives, is likely to be the best way to remain authentic to ourselves while helping our Venuses.
So it appears I do have advice for people who have walked a similar path with Venus as me. 🔥♂ And I have plenty of observations about the energy of Venus that can draw privileges from others to it, even though I think that for a fire Venus, continuing to focus on embracing my authenticity even when it’s in no way popular is how I’ll eventually start feeling more capable with the social sides of Venus, and feeling more others appreciating her too.
⭐️🪐 Basic astronomical fact I only learned recently: Venus has the hottest climate of all the planets! And the reason she’s hotter than the planet closer to the Sun is because Venus’s atmosphere is made up of gases that trap heat. To me this represents the way Venusians have honed the skill of radiating warmth themselves. All that alluring heat she puts off can really draw in others. But it’s also her responsibility to use the warmth to be reciprocally giving in her relations with others… if Venus doesn’t give much and just takes, her atmosphere can start to feel more like Hell than like inviting warmth.
Wishing a successful journey for all in evolving with and embracing your Venus… however that may look! We all deserve to know comfort and peace. 🌷
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glitteryinknotes · 8 months
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Okay, but what kind of person would Astarion be most attracted to?
I have the image of Astarion softly confessing to Tav "you're incredible" stuck on a loop in my mind, but other than that, it actually got me thinking, just the simple way he says that and the look and yearning behind his eyes. What kind of person would he most likely perceive as such, for reasons he himself might not even understand at the beginning, couldn't resist falling in love with and be most happy & pushed to grow in an eventual relationship with? Here are some my instinctive thoughts.
(please do not get discouraged if you're basing the relationship of your MC & Astarion on different attributes & different ideas; those are only my own thoughts, propably influenced by the kind of character I'm planning to make on my Baldur's Gate playthrough.
Those are both headcanons for the first act, as well as for the official relationship parts.
And please share your thoughts if you have any, i'd be glad to compare my ideas to other people's impressions of this beautiful spawn)
Alas;
Someone joyful, proud & full of life. Astarion yearns to live and taste life on his own terms, having been denied any kind of autonomy & free will for the last two hundreds years, like he himself admits in the spawn ending; presence of someone genuinely full of life, shining, cheerful, dedicated to every small & great bliss the world can offer AND proud of it, despite their precarious situation about the whole tadpole business, would be intoxicating to him. That kind of person around would, for him, be an embodiment of everything he's been deprived of i'm Cazador's slavery; a being so fascinating in their pure, unabashed lust for joy in life, he wouldn't be able to keep them off his mind despite his best efforts.
Someone self - assured. For similar reasons as above. His trauma pushed him to depend entirely on himself & forever be in defense, from a place of terror, insecurity and loathing his past deeds. And so, I believe anyone carrying themselves with their head up high, with true confidence and class, not just masquarading bravado to mask their fear, facing everything fate throws at them with the same unrelenting attitude, would be something irresistible for him on some level. No matter if that very person was luckily spared from harsher life experiences, or traumatised as much as he had been. He would wish with all his soul he could be more like them and learn from them, perhaps even hide behind them to some degree.
Someone with fine taste. It's no surprise Astarion enjoys fine things; it would be his pleasure to be matched in his love for comfort & luxury.
Someone open, yet respectful in their everyday affections. Someone who would proudly peck him on the cheek or neck in the presence of everyone in the camp, but won't be aggressively throwing themselves into his arms each second; someone who would greet him each day with the most blissful smile or a warm embrace, but not too overly dramatic. Someone who wouldn't shy from openly referring to him in front of others in his own renditions of "my love", "my sweet" and "my darling" and who'd always keep an eye on him from the distance at camp ground to smile whenever your eyes met, but wouldn't publicly boast about every single detail between the two of you and allow him to keep his space & secrets. Somene playful, yet incredibly authentic in their feelings. All of that would provide him the so desired feeling of safety, love & genuineness, keep him amused and most importantly, provide him with a trusted learning example of how to act, express feelings & treat the other in a relationship. He might & absolutely will try to publicly brush all those affections off and go his usual suave way about it, but inside, or even openly on his face when taken off guard? His undead heart is singing with joy
Someone gentle & considerate. He surely enjoys someone with fantasy, a playful side and some art in lovemaking, but what he craves more than anything is tenderness & love. Anything you do with him in his mind delights him, and over the time he'd learn to accept it without shielding himself with sarcasm. From some minor gifts, asking for his opinion on matters he wouldn't expect to be asked about, to being considerate & delicate in intimacy, everything is such a gift to him even if he doesn't even know how to receive it & respond properly
Someone with wit. I think he would feel quite at home with someone who would at least partially share his gift for words; maybe in an entirely different manner than him, but even so someone to understand, match and carry on a conversation with him along his suave mannerism and irony.
[Thank you for your attention, might edit or add up later]
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