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avis-writeshq · 6 months

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05 — enchanted

summary: “please don’t be in love with someone else”/“please don’t have somebody waiting on you.” pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slow burn, no use of (Y/N) warnings: alcohol (reader gets drunk lmfao), jealousy, slight miscommunication, austin (aka: bartender girl from s4), special mention to special people wc: 4.9k a/n: everyone say thank you @astrophileous for beta-reading MWAH ilyvm zara <33 SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

Although you haven’t been a part of the BAU for more than one year, it didn’t stop you from maintaining the connections that you had in all your years of working there. Sure, the scheduling times could be better, but that didn’t stop the team from spending their rare day off to spend time with you. After all, the adjustment of seeing you every day to once in a blue moon was a difficult one to make.

O’Keefe’s has been the main victim of the team’s shenanigans, its doors open for the seven members of law enforcement, all eager to get their hands on some well earned rest and relaxation. Drinks are passed around the booth and you can’t help but laugh as you watch Derek get his ‘groove thang on’ with a few girls in the bar. Today is one of the rare occasions when the team didn’t have a case, an even rarer day when the team didn’t have to take on any new or incoming cases.

“How’s life treating you?” Emily asks cheerfully, sipping at her strawberry daiquiri. You gather that tonight is one of those nights.

You smile, sipping at your own beverage of choice. “Good! Way less stressful than working at the BAU, that’s for sure. And the hours are good, too.”

JJ snorts from beside you. “Yeah, well, can’t say I’m not jealous. How’re the kids?”

“I can’t say much because of confidentiality and all that, but they’re doing well. A lot better, thank goodness but it just goes to show the aftermath of the things that you guys deal with. I mean, I still think about all the victims we’ve helped and it sucks that we can’t do anything to help them further.” You finish your tangent with a long sip of your drink before leaning back against the booth. “Anyway, how are you guys?”

Penelope comes shuffling past carrying a series of cocktails, her absolutely monstrous platform heels not aiding her in her slightly tipsy task. “Do not even get me started on work. No work! None! We’re having a fun day. Ergo, no work talk.”

You laugh in response, moving to the side to allow her room to sit in the booth. “No, Penny, you’re right. No work talk.”

The drinks are dispersed and your gaze shifts to where Spencer is standing, laughing awkwardly as he tries to follow along to Derek’s dancing and socialising. He looks incredibly out of place in his brown argyle sweater vest, navy tie and freshly pressed slacks, and he pulls at the collar of his shirt.

“Nah, Spencer could definitely be a ladies’ man if he plays his cards right. And I mean that literally,” Emily says, bringing you out of your daydream.

Your head snaps in her direction, trying to calm your facial features and microexpressions. Regardless of your attempts, after a year of not practising, you don’t do as well as you hope. “What?”

JJ grins at you, her eyes lighting up knowingly. “We’re just talking about who’s the biggest hotshot in the BAU.”

“Wouldn’t that be David?” You ask meekly, your finger swirling along the edge of your glass. You had met David Rossi on occasion, once by accident when you were having a night out with the girls and the other during a proper introduction two weeks later. “Didn’t he have, like, five wives?”

“I had three thank you very much,” Rossi intervenes swiftly, holding his glass of whisky on ice.

“Sorry, my bad,” you respond jokingly, snickering as he shakes his head and stalks over to where Hotch is sitting and drinking his rum.

Penelope lets out a loud laugh. “I think we’re forgetting the obvious: our very own Chocolate Thunder.”

“Well, fine,” Emily drawls, waving a hand dismissively, “but Spencer has that innocent vibe to him, y’know? The kind of guy women go crazy over.”

JJ clicks her fingers in remembrance. “Didn’t a bunch of prostitutes try to pick him up in that one case?”

“What?” You ask again, albeit a little shrilly as you try to dismiss the surprise in your tone.

“He didn’t take them,” Emily says quickly in an attempt to ease your discomfort. “But he did pick up a girl a few months ago. Austin?”

Penelope nods at that, putting down her cup. “Oooh, yes! I remember her. He showed me a picture. She’s pretty.”

“I mean, he did pick up Lila too.” JJ reminds the team, shooting you a sly smile. “You remember her, don’t you?”

You force out a laugh and bite the inside of your cheek in the process. “Yeah. Who’s Austin?”

“I think I still have a picture!” Penelope says, brandishing her phone from her coat pocket. She types something in before sliding it in your direction. “Pretty, right?”

Austin is certainly pretty, even in the uncoordinated selfie Penelope shows you of her and Spencer. He’s slightly out of frame, his lips set into a sweet smile while Austin practically glows. Her brilliant green eyes flash in the camera and her dark hair frames her face perfectly. She and Spencer are close in the photo, with him holding the phone clumsily and she has a hand on his arm.

“Uh huh,” you murmur distractedly, averting your gaze from the photo as an ugly feeling creeps into your chest. “Really pretty.”

Emily looks at you curiously. “You didn’t know about her?”

You shrug in response, the smile on your face insincere. “There are a lot of things I don’t know about Spencer.”

The group exchange a couple glances at your tell-tale body language, watching as you scoot past Penelope and out of the booth, making your way to the bar. You’re all too grateful for a reprieve from the teasing as you order another drink and take a seat, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. Your mind goes through all the interactions you’ve had with Spencer over the years. Were you really that foolish to think that he would feel that way for you? Maybe you were reading too much into it, you try to reason, running your fingers through your once styled hair. Maybe, in some stupid and twisted way, all of Spencer’s interactions were platonic.

You scoff inwardly to yourself. Right. Because picking someone up at two o’clock in the morning is entirely platonic. Sleeping in the same bed as someone because of nightmares is totally normal between friends. In any case, you could have sworn that he–

“Trouble in paradise?”

An unfamiliar voice nearly makes you jump out of your skin, and you turn to the man who takes a seat beside you. “Uh… something like that.”

The man hums, a smile on his handsome features. His dark brown hair is fluffy and, in its own charming little way, suits him. He reminds you a lot of Spencer, with the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles along with the timbre of his voice. He’s also very different to Spencer, especially with his sweater that has a bright orange pumpkin on it, paired with a matching orange scarf. A pair of red tinted sunglasses hang on the neckline of his sweater, and you doubt that it would do much good to block the sun.

“I’m Matthias,” he says good naturedly, beaming. “I’m with my sister, Laura,” he explains, gesturing to a lady sporting dyed auburn coloured hair, and she waves with a matching smile.

You introduce yourself, pointing to the booth. “My friends are over there.”

Matthias nods, undeterred by your company on the other side of the bar. “Let me buy you a drink.”

***

After what felt like hours of dancing (it was really only fifteen minutes), Spencer and Derek make their way to rejoin the group. The feeling of sweat matting his skin is one of many reasons as to why Spencer hates dancing. That, and the fact that there were far too many people on the dancefloor. What’s worse is the fact that he’s sure that none of them have ever heard of the word ‘deodorant’. He cringes at the thought of all the germs that could be festering on his skin as he sits at the booth, his eyes shifting to wear your bag lays haphazardly on the red cushions.

“Where is she?” He asks instantly, turning to Emily and placing your bag so that it’s in a safer and less hazardous position.

She hums, pointing in the bar’s direction. “Getting a drink. She’s just cooling off.”

“Cooling off?” Spencer echoes, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean she’s ‘cooling off’?”

Penelope offers an apologetic smile, fiddling with the buttons on her coat. “We… might have told her about Austin?”

“You what?” Spencer can barely believe his ears as he looks at the group incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

“We didn’t mean anything bad by it,” JJ says hastily. “We didn’t think she’d react like that.”

“React like what?” Spencer’s voice is strangely stern, his eyes narrowing as he turns to the rest of the team. “I don’t like Austin. She’s nice but I don’t like her.”

Derek’s brows lift in surprise and confusion. “Did you go out with her after the case?”

Spencer’s ears burn in embarrassment and he turns to his friend in offence. “I asked her for help. I don’t like Austin like that. I needed advice.”

“Advice,” Emily repeats, turning in the direction of the bar. “You mean about…?”

Spencer doesn’t stay long enough to head the rest of Emily’s sentence or to answer it, making his way over to you are. Part of him wishes that he stayed put, especially when he sees what you’re doing. In an instant, his nose is scrunched up in distaste as he spies the random stranger chatting you up. His eyes lock with yours and he relishes in the way they light up as you wave him over.

“Hi,” he breathes, standing beside you.

“Hi!” You gush, beaming at him. “Saw you on the dancefloor.”

“You’ll never see it again,” he says honestly, stealing a sip of your drink. It tastes like vodka and the strawberry lipgloss you use (he only know what it tastes like because of its very on the nose packaging: a giant strawberry. He wishes he knew for other reasons).

You laugh, bright and loud, before you gasp excitedly. “Oh, Spencer, this is Matthias! He’s been keeping me company.” Then, you lean closer to him, your voice a very exaggerated whisper as if the person you’re talking about isn’t in the seat next to you as you tell Spencer, “he’s a director.”

Matthias waves off the statement, chuckling along. “Nothing famous though.”

“He’s a liar,” you tell Spencer enthusiastically. “Did you know he went to New York University? Crazy, right? Like, the school of arts or something. Oh! And he’s also from Vegas! You two are so alike.”

Spencer nods half-heartedly as he tells you, “you know, I went to MIT and CalTech.”

“Well I know that, silly!” You say with a drunken laugh, poking at his cheek. You turn to Matthias with a proud grin before reaching for a shot. “Spencer’s a genius. He’s a super smart genius.”

“That’s what ‘genius’ means, angel,” Spencer reminds gently, prying the little cup away from you. “No more. You’re drunk and we don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Your face falls and your lips curl into a frown. “But Spencer I’m thirsty!”

“You have water in your bag,” he prompts, squeezing your shoulder and helping you off the barstool, not paying this Matthias person any mind. “Okay? Let’s go back to the others.”

You nod eagerly, stumbling a little as you wave goodbye. “Bye, Matthias!”

“Uh huh,” Spencer dismisses, leading you back to the table by the small of your back. He leans a little closer to murmur in your ear, “why did you leave the others?”

You shrug dismissively, leaning into his side. “Doesn’t matter.”

“No, angel, it does,” he says carefully, “tell me?”

You huff in your own clumsy drunken way. “You should ask Austin. Or go pick someone else up. Emily says you’re turning into a ‘ladies’ man’.”

Spencer resists the urge to roll his eyes. Of course. “I don’t like Austin,” he tells you in earnest, holding you close to his side as you stumble back to the booth. “I mean it, angel.”

“Bet you call everyone angel,” you grumble under your breath. “Bet you let everyone call you ‘Walter’ too.”

“No,” Spencer says immediately, a hand on your waist. “I only call you that. Besides, why would I let someone call me by my middle name if it isn’t you?”

You huff again, slumping in the booth as Penelope shuffles inward to give you more room. Your arms cross over your chest in annoyance and frustration and you turn away from Spencer’s direction. He doesn’t need to be a profiler to know that you’re pissed off at him. Somewhere in your hazy drunk mind, you’ve made it out as him being the bad guy.

Spencer shoots the other girls a pointed glare, gesturing at you as if to say ‘This is your fault’ because, in reality, it is. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t be mad at him. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t have gotten yourself drunk with some random guy who went to New York University. Spencer mocks Matthias in his head. Stupid Matthias and his stupidly good hair. Spencer runs a hand through his own growing locks, grimacing when he realises that it reaches his shoulders now. Maybe he should get a haircut later.

“Angel,” Spencer tries again, kneeling down next to your chair. “Let’s get you home, alright? Please don’t be mad at me?”

You mutter something incoherent, not bothering to look in his direction.

“I’m not in love with Austin,” he tells you, his tone a mix of firmness and gentleness. “Really, I’m not. We’re just friends, angel, I promise.”

“Liar,” you mutter under your breath as you get out of the booth. JJ guiltily passes you your bag and you take it out of her hands as Spencer grips your arm with one hand, the other on the small of your back.

“Not a lie,” Spencer says, walking you to his car. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this. Not after Lila.”

“Lie-la,” you say bitterly as you get into the passenger seat. “Stupid actress.”

He laughs at that, getting behind the wheel. “Yeah, angel. Stupid actress.”

“You kissed her in a pool,” you continue as you fumble drunkenly with the buckle of the seatbelt. “You don’t kiss me in the pool.”

Spencer’s cheeks burn at your words as he puts your seatbelt on, his fingers grazing yours. “It never came up. Besides, I hate pools, you know that.”

“Germ-y,” you respond knowingly, a silly giddy smile on your face. “I know you the best.”

“Exactly,” he hums as starts the car, his words flowing smoothly as he considers how drunk you are. There’s no way you’d remember this, right? “Why would I find another girl when I have you who knows me best?”

Your cheeks glow with pride at his words and you laugh. “Exactly.”

***

It’s late. Far too late and you toss and turn in bed. Your eyes are heavy but your brain won’t shut up, swirling with the memories of the previous night. You’re not really sure what happened after you got to the bar, only remembering snippets of the night. The entire time was a blur: you remember getting upset at the girls (or rather, at the information they were feeding you), meeting someone– Mason? Matthew? You can’t even remember– and then downing three shots. It’s awfully stupid of you, yes but then somehow you got home safe and sound with a note on your kitchen counter from Spencer.

You felt a little silly upon the finding of the note. Of course Spencer would take you home; it’s not like the girls were particularly sober by the time you wanted to leave. Regardless, reading the note made you feel incredibly stupid, more stupid than usual, and you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself six feet underground.

‘Hi angel,’ it read in Spencer’s messy scrawl with chaotic lettering and swirly g’s. ‘You’re probably really hungover right now so there’s a Tylenol on the counter and a sandwich in the fridge. Please drink water; I’m sure you’re also severely dehydrated from the alcohol. I know you’re upset at me but please just forget about what the others said about Austin. I don’t like her like that. Be safe and call me when you wake up.’

The note was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, just Spencer being his usual ridiculously lovely self. You didn’t mind that he took care of you, either. It’s more-so the fact that you genuinely could barely remember what you said that him. You’re betting on it being something exceedingly dumb (you’re making a habit of it, much to your own chagrin), especially considering how much you had to drink that night. Maybe you should start abstaining from drinking from now on, especially if Spencer was in the vicinity.

The note is now pinned securely to your cork board, a pretty lavender thumb tack holding it in place. Your gaze drifts to it for a moment then to your clock and you groan into your pillow. This is dumb. Sleep is dumb. Your clock blinks with the numbers ‘02:01’ in red mocking letters and you resist the urge to scream. After blindly searching for your phone, you step out of bed while rubbing your eyes.

The lingering question keeps you up as you pace back and forth beside you bed. If Spencer doesn’t like Austin, who does he like? It can’t be Lila. You would have known if they kept in contact. Then again, you had no idea who Austin was so who knows what secrets Spencer is keeping? What if there was another girl? What if your entire friendship with Spencer was exactly that– friendship. You slap the palm of your hand to your forehead. Were you really that stupid?

It’s in that moment when your phone begins to ring. The tune plays through the room and you know it all too well; the Doctor Who theme song that you spent a whopping two dollars and thirty-seven cents on to add it as the custom ringtone for Spencer.

“Hello…?” You answer quietly, your voice choking. “Walter?”

“Angel,” he murmurs, and you can hear shuffling in the background. “Why are you still awake?”

You hum, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I could ask you the same question.”

He laughs quietly on the other side of the line, scratchy from the lack of sleep. “Can I come over?”

“Always.”

He hangs up after that and you press the pads of your fingers into the corners of your eyes again. You’re exhausted, far too exhausted to be hosting guests, but this is Spencer. How can you ever say no to him? So, instead of sulking around and spending far too long doing nothing, you fashion yourself a cup of tea and flick the lights on. The book you were reading is thrown haphazardly onto the cushions of your couch but you can’t bring yourself to pick it up.

The jiggling of the door handle brings you out of your little mood, and Spencer lets himself in with the key you gave him, locking it securely and taking his shoes off to reveal his sock choice of the day: one bright green and the other in fuchsia with buttercup yellow spots. He’s wearing a crinkly white t-shirt that hangs over his gangly frame and grey sweatpants. For something so basic, he looks absolutely criminal in it. You pinch yourself as punishment for thinking such a thing.

“Hey,” he breathes, sitting next to you. He runs his fingers through his hair, frowning a little. “Do you think I should get it cut?”

You laugh, almost spilling your tea. “You came to my apartment at two in the morning to ask what I think about your hair?”

“Yes,” he agrees before laughing, “no! Of course not. I just thought of it.”

A hum leaves your lips as you curl a strand of his hair around your finger. “I like long hair on you. Besides, you’d look good in any hair cut.”

Spencer preens at your words, enjoying the feel of your touch in his hair. “You’re a liar. I know what I looked like four years ago. Don’t lie.”

“I’m not!” You insist, beaming at him as you poke his cheek. “You were really cute back then. Like a baby.”

He flushes again at both the compliment and the contact, his mind committing the way you say ‘baby’ to memory. He thinks it again and again; baby, baby, baby.

“I was not a baby,” He tells you, half in jest. “I’m older than you!”

“By a year,” you quip, the sleep deprivation making your head go loopy. “Barely. Doesn’t matter, you’re still baby.”

Spencer scoffs lightly, poking your side. “If I’m a baby, what does that make you? A foetus? A zygote?”

You let out a quiet scream in protest, whacking him over the head with a throw pillow. “Ew, Spencer what the hell?”

He snickers in response, shielding his face with his forearm. “If I’m a baby and you’re younger than me, you must be at an earlier stage of development. So? Which is it, are you a foetus or a zygote? C’mon, angel, you passed eighth grade biology.”

“You’re an ass,” you chastise jokingly, rolling your eyes as you look up at him. Sometime amidst the commotion he must have gotten closer to you. Your noses are almost touching and your breath hitches in your throat.

He smiles sweetly, his own cheeks warm and flushed with embarrassment as he maintains eye contact. “I thought I was ‘baby’.”

What the hell? Is this really Spencer Reid? Silly, awkward, nerdy little Spencer Reid? This must be a very convincing body suit and an even more convincing voice altering machine because this is not Spencer Reid. You can feel the blood rush to your cheeks and ears so quickly that it’s enough to make you go dizzy. Maybe you’re a lot more sleep deprived than you thought.

“Are you drunk?” You croak out meekly as he cages you in, his forearms on either side of your head as he leans you against the couch.

He laughs– he has the actual audacity to laugh– and he shakes his head. “No, angel, I’m not drunk. You know I don’t drink enough to actually get drunk. Besides, I drove here.”

“You drove here,” you repeat, a little dazed from how close he is. “It’s two in the morning.”

“Almost three now but yes,” Spencer agrees, smiling.

“You hate driving,” you remind him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Especially at night.”

He hums in agreement. “I do. But I wanted to see you.”

“Oh.”

You kick yourself internally. ‘Oh’? Who the hell says ‘Oh’? This is it. Your life is over. Maybe you should move to another state. Change your name, shave your head, and get a different degree because you’re almost certain that it’s the end of the line for you.

Spencer lets out a soft chuckle. “I missed you.”

“You saw me two days ago?” You say it like a question and you suddenly feel yourself sweating. It definitely got hotter in here.

He murmurs your name, his fingers grazing the skin of your jaw gently. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“I ran into you four years ago and almost gave myself a concussion,” you say, averting your gaze as you tried to calm yourself down.

“I’m so glad I met you,” he repeats softly, his nose brushing against your cheek. “Look at me, angel.”

You wet your bottom lip nervously as you look at him, his hazel eyes a little greener in the low light of your apartment. His legs are on either side of your hips and he brushes his thumb against your chin.

“I want to kiss you,” Spencer says lowly, albeit a little breathlessly, and you can hear hoarseness in his words. “Can I?”

You’re dead. You’re either dead or asleep, that is the only explanation you have for this entire situation. You’re either dead and in heaven or asleep and dreaming. It is that plain and simple.

“What?” You croak out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs.

“I know you wanted to do it in a pool but I’m pretty sure your apartment gym is closed now, angel,” Spencer says, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “Can I kiss you?”

The only thing you can manage to do is nod, your eyes flickering to his lips for a split second, watching as the corners of his mouth tug upwards. Your brain barely has any time to comprehend the words he said (since when did you say that you wanted to kiss him in the pool?) because in a rush of confidence, Spencer cups your face and presses his lips to yours in a tantalisingly slow kiss. His eyes are closed and his hands are eerily soft, the gentleness in which he holds you reminiscent of one holding porcelain.

He pulls away after a moment, his cheeks burning and a smile on his face. You can’t even breathe as you just stare at him, lips parted in surprise. What do you even say to that?

“Thank you?” You manage to stutter out, heat creeping up your neck.

He laughs again, breathless and beautiful, as he kisses the side of your face. “You’re welcome.”

Spencer brushes an eyelash from your cheek, beaming at you as he does. “It’s late,” he tells you, getting up from the couch and freeing your limbs. “You should get some rest.”

“Uh huh,” you respond, your head spinning. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he says back, trying to hold in a laugh. “I’m free next Friday. Do you want to go out?”

“Go out?” You echo, “we always go out.”

“I know.” He smiles at you again as he makes his way to the door. “I meant– you know. We can go out.”

A beat passes and your head is awfully slow, whether from the kiss or from the sleep deprivation, you’re not entirely sure. “We can go out.”

“Great.” He pauses, taking a step towards you before kissing your cheek. “I’ll text you.”

“You’ll–” you gape at him again as he opens your door to leave. “You hate texting.”

He nods, slipping on his shoes. “I also hate driving at night. Your point?”

“Right,” you murmur, more to yourself than anything. “Text me when you get home?”

“Of course I will, angel,” he promises, “get some rest.”

Get some rest? How the hell are you supposed to get some rest after all that? With one last wave, Spencer leaves your apartment, leaving you hoping that this wasn’t just some thing. Maybe this was the very first page of your story– a very embarrassing start to your story. There is one thing for certain though: Spencer is not in love with someone else.

***

It’s a Tuesday when Penelope calls you. You had just finished up with a client when your phone begins to ring.

“Penny!” You gush, unable to stop the smile from stretching onto your face. “I am stupid, I said ‘thank you’? Who the hell says thank you after someone kisses you?”

“Who kissed you?” Penelope asks, and if you weren’t so caught up in your own tangent you would have noticed that she sounded tearful.

“Spencer did!” You exclaim, slapping a hand to your forehead. “He’s sitting there and he looks amazing and he smells really good and I am stupid.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Penelope says quickly, and you can imagine her waving her fluffy pen around. “He kissed you and you said thank you?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was very polite of you,” she says, trying to sound happy before her voice cracks.

You frown immediately, taking a seat in the wheelie chair in your office. “Penny? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“It’s about Spencer,” she says woefully, sniffling. “He wanted me to tell you something. It’s not looking good, honey, but– but he wanted me to give you a message.”

“Penny–” You stop short when you hear Spencer’s voice. It’s a recording from his phone, and you can only really tell because of the crackling audio on the other side of the line.

“Is it on?” Spencer asks before clearing his throat. He sounds breathless, his words breaking off at some parts and you know that it’s not from the bad audio quality. “Hey, angel, it’s me, Spenc– Walter. It’s your Walter. If you’re getting this then something happened and I just wanted you to know that– that I love you. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that before but I do. I love you and I wish it didn’t turn out like this but I am– I am so glad that we had that moment.”

Through the recording you can hear a shuffle, like the sound of a sliding door being opened, along with a quiet, “Prep the victim for transfer,” before the recording cuts out, leaving you with Penelope on the line.

She calls your name quietly, choking on her words. “Are you okay?”

You hang up.

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aurasplanet · 1 month

Text

STUPID GRIMES carl grimes x fem!reader

warnings — both are 18+, e2l, reader has claustrophobia, reader is maggie and glenn’s adopted daughter, i literally can’t write e2l this sucks so bad i’m so sorry

part two

your arms are crossed over your chest as you look out the window. you and carl had to go on a run, alone, without ripping each others throats out. seriously, daryl left you a note that read ‘don’t rip each others throats out’.

carl had his music blasting through the radio, fingers drumming against the steering wheel completely ignoring your presence. you hated it. he always acted so unbothered as if you didn’t get under his skin. he always acted like such an asshole, criticizing your aim and telling you his is better. “even though i lost an eye!”

always wearing that fucking hat and those fucking flannels and fucking jeans that made him look too good for a total dickhead. it’s like the petty preteen feud started getting fueled by sexual frustration and made you both mad at each other for being hot.

carl hands you the list, “follow it, nothing else. we need to get in and get out.” was he ever going to let the time you saw a cute top on, in your defense what looked like a dead walker, and almost got bit?

“i’m just a girl, grimes.” he rolls his eyes, turning his music up. “plus i can defend myself, you can’t silence me!” with a smirk he turns it all the way up.

you see what looks like a run down store in the distance, pointing at it. in return you get carl yelling, “i know what im doing!” you hop out of the car when he parks, looking over the list quickly.

“you take the walkers on that side, i’ll take this side.” you point from left to right, causing carl to scoff.

“and if i want the right side?”

you huff, “okay smartass, take right. where you don’t have someone in your blind spot to cover you.” carl simply rolls his eyes, and without another word goes to the left side of the store. just as you thought, a few walkers to carl’s right were headed right for him.

you run over and stab every one of them in the head before they could get close, abandoning your side of the store. with the walkers all around you growling in your ear, you didn’t notice the noise growing.

“do i seriously always have to save your ass?” carl looks back at you with a glare before his face widens with shock. he grabs your arm and makes a beeline for the back. he saw the back room when you both walked in, and he hoped there were no dead waiting for you both.

he opens the door and practically throws you in, barricading it behind you two with the metal cart against the wall. you hear a growl behind you and whip around, there’s a walker in a mop bucket reaching out to you. you jam your knife through it’s eye, turning around to look at carl breathless.

carl chuckles and leans against the wall, “who saved who’s life now?”

you grab the mop in the bucket and place it on the walker’s head, masking it’s gross face. “what the hell? i was handling it.”

carl gives you an incredulous look, “handling it? the herd of walkers coming up behind you?” as of right on cue you hear their desperate hands clawing at the door. you sigh and walk around the tiny custodian closet, looking around for something, anything to help you out of this mess.

carl’s never seen you so antsy, he pushes himself off the wall and walks to you. his hand comes up to your shoulder awkwardly, rubbing it a little. “we’ll be fine, we still have our bag, our radios.” you nod, hating this side of you coming out. especially around carl of all people.

you swat his hand away, “i don’t need your pity.”

carl scoffs and goes back to his spot against the wall. “this is why i don’t help you.” you glare at him, leaning down to put your hands on your knees and breathe slowly. focusing on everything but the small room with walls that seemed to close in on you.

“you’re just an asshole, that’s why i don’t want your help.” carl looks at you with a monotone expression. you’ve known him since you met at the farm. daryl found you looking for sophia, and ever since maggie and glenn adored you like you’re their own. but with carl, it’s like he grew out of his menace phase with everyone else but it stuck with you.

“and when i give you the treatment you deserve, you go back to being one.” he doesn’t say a word, he just watches you pace.

“did you never grow up?” you can’t help but word vomit, it’s the only thing keeping you from spiraling. getting all of your thoughts out. “i mean, you clearly did. you’re so nice to everyone. why are you so different with me?”

that’s when carl remembers it, your claustrophobia. he remembered that one time in the prison, getting caught with him, maggie, and lori. even that room made you feel weak and petrified. it’s one of the only instances you remember him treating you kindly.

he gets close to you again, face inches from yours. he went to speak but nothing came out. your glassy eyes look at him in a way they haven’t before. you feel so close, the attraction he’d formed towards you was becoming overwhelming and he began to step back.

you grab him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close again. “don’t…” you look into his eye before hugging him tightly. “don’t. the fear goes away when it feels like it’s just us.” carl let’s out a ragged breath, bringing his arms up around your back. “we can pretend this didn’t happen later.”

“we don’t have to,” he whispers and you pull away, looking at him wide eyed.

“but we will. i’m not weak.”

carl shakes his head and grabs your hand, “this doesn’t make you weak. it makes you human, and that’s not common feature for people to still have nowadays.”

you scoff out a laugh, “when did you get all wise?” carl laughs back, his gaze is soft, foreign to you. you let a few moments go by, standing there hand in hand. it should be awkward, but for some reason it wasn’t.

you bite your lip before speaking up again, “answer my question.”

carl laughs confusedly, “i think i get it from my dad?” you give him a playful glare and slap his arm,

“not that, stupid.” you go silent again, scared to ruin the fact he’s finally acting normal around you. “why do you act so different with me?” it’s like the air got thicker, in the way it did before when you would bicker, but not with the negative undertones. just tension, a lot. tension you don’t want to name out of embarrassment.

carl licks his lips and glances at yours. “as ridiculous as it sounds…” his face gets closer, “i feel like i can be free with you. let the parts of me that had to be buried out.” his voice turns into a whisper against your lips. “i guess i don’t remember how to do that without acting like such a little shit.”

you both laugh but it doesn’t last long, his hand comes up to your waist causing your breath to hitch. “it got worse when you just,” carl sighs and closes his eye. “became too hard to resist. i was so mad that we were stuck in this frenemy limbo, i made it worse.”

“damn,” you sigh, causing carl to furrow his brow. “you’re very stupid grimes.”

“shut up,” he snaps, pressing his lips against yours. you hum in surprise, but bring your hands up to cup his face. your thumb runs soothingly over his scarred cheek causing him to pull away. “it’s gross, i’m sorry.”

“it’s pretty,” you mumble, pulling him in to kiss him again. he disconnects your lips and shakes his head.

“pretty?”

you roll your eyes, “carl, you’re pretty. your scar is pretty. you’re supposed to be shutting me up right now.” carl blinks and your lips are back on his. you’re more eager this time, impatient. you part your mouth urging him to deepen the kiss. you sigh into his mouth and wrap your arms around his neck.

his other hand comes to the other side of your waist, pressing you against the wall. your back thuds against it, eliciting a whimper out of you. “sorry…” he mumbled against your lips. he pulls back a little, eye hooded and gaze trained on your swollen lips. “i like the sounds you make, though.”

#carl grimes x reader #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes x you #carl grimes #carl grimes smut #twd x reader #twd fanfiction #twd oneshot #twd fluff #twd imagine #twd smut #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes oneshot #carl grimes imagine #carl grimes x fem!reader

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works-of-fanfiction · 9 months

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The Love of Another - Part Two || Cillian Murphy x actress!Reader

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Summary: After meeting on the set of Peaky Blinders, Cillian and Y/N struggle to keep their relationship professional.

Warnings: Swearing, cheating, angst. Some (pretty cringe) fluff at the end.

Word Count: 5.7k

a/n: thank you so much for the lovely feedback on the first part of this! I haven’t written anything multi-part in literal years, but this was fun. some chunky sections of dialogue here, hopefully easy to follow! enjoy x

(Paul is Paul Anderson and Sophie is Sophie Rundle (if that wasn’t obvious already). Y/N’s character in the show is not canon/replacing any of the actresses, just feel free to use your imagination and slot her in somewhere! it is yourself after all.)

“Would you rather have Tommy teach you to ride a horse, or Arthur teach you to box?” The interviewer asked, smiling at the actress in front of her. Y/N chewed the inside of her cheek, tapping her knee as she thought about her answer. “That’s a hard one, because both could end up with me on the floor!” She joked, looking past the camera at the crew who were essentially getting paid to laugh at anything she said. “I have to go with Tommy on this one. It’s probably the least dangerous! Plus, who doesn’t love watching Cillian ride those horses?” The two women laughed together before swiftly moving onto the more serious questions about Y/N’s debut in the series. “I’d have gone with Arthur.” Y/N’s husband sneered, lowering the volume on the TV. Behind him she was sat at the table, re-reading the new scripts she’d been sent and familiarising herself with the lines.

“They pay me to say stuff like that, you know.” She declared casually, not bothering to look up from the page. He turned around and watched as she scribbled down some notes, mouthing words to herself quietly.

“They pay you to brown-nose Cillian?” He scoffed, leaning on the back cushion. Dropping her pencil with a sigh, she finally looked up with raised brows.

“Yes. Just like I got paid to brown-nose every other man I’ve worked with.” She quipped sarcastically, rolling her eyes, and twirling the pencil between her fingers. She waited for him to respond, but the snarky comeback never came. A smart choice on his part.

Despite her only having met Cillian once, her husband still had this bizarre idea that they’d spent every waking moment together during filming. Y/N had become too exhausted to argue about it. Her career and her future in Peaky Blinders was a lot more important than her husband’s petty jealousy, and she certainly wasn’t going to throw away the role of a lifetime because of him.

“Y/N… Your line.” The prompter called, waving the script in the air and tapping the page with her pen.

“Oh, sorry. Can we go from the top?” Y/N asked nervously, looking around at the crew that were becoming increasingly impatient. What was supposed to be a quick and simple scene was turning into an hour of do-overs with Y/N forgetting small details on every take. “I’m really sorry everyone.” She addressed the room, some mumbling back, others just rolling their eyes and whispering among themselves.

Stepping forward off his mark, Cillian turned to the director. “I think we can pick this up next week. Don’t you?” He asked quietly, eyes flitting to Y/N and back again. “Long day…”

“Alright. We’ll set up for this scene first thing Monday morning, but I want it finished and perfect by lunchtime.” He spun in his chair, ordering everyone to go home and rest up on their rare weekend off.

Sighing, Y/N tugged at her hair, freeing it from the clips holding it tightly in place. Paul patted her shoulder sympathetically before leaving set, shaking Cillian’s hand on the way out. Cillian sat down beside her quietly, waiting for everyone else to filter out. Once the room was empty, he scooted closer, slipping his hand in hers beneath the table. “I had it, Cill, I had it.”

“I know.” He soothed, stroking her knuckles with his thumb. “I did it for my sake, not yours. This suit is itching.” He joked lightly, pulling at his collar. Looking up, she felt a smile creeping onto her face. There he was, being cheesy, always trying to cheer her up.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“I think the guest in your trailer might have something to do with it.”

Nodding, she looked down at their hands, at Cillian’s gentle fingers dancing along her veins. She thought about her husband; how he’d travelled all this way and spent the entire afternoon waiting for her. Yet here she was, comfortable in the arms of another man, betraying him for the thousandth time.

Cillian could see the cogs turning in her head. Forgetting to blink, she stared down at the tabletop, studying the cracks in the brown paint. He squeezed her hand softly, reminding her he was still there. “What are you thinking?” He whispered.

“I have to tell him, don’t I?” She asked, not really seeking an answer. For months she’d tried to plan a way to tell him, to come out with the truth and end her marriage for good, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. It wasn’t something she could do over the phone, but she also couldn’t bear to see him in person. She continued to pretend everything was OK, smiling through their FaceTime calls and sending love hearts whenever she couldn’t answer. ‘Couldn’t’ meaning when she was with Cillian.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it, or when, or where, but I know I have to. I mean, it’s been a year already, and I think I just lost track of time but then – “

“Hey, hey.” Cillian grabbed her face gently, putting a pause to her rambling. “You don’t need to go making any grand declarations today.”

“If I leave it any longer, it’ll just make it worse.”

Y/N seemed to stare straight through him, her jaw tensing beneath his fingers. Part of him wished he could fix it for her, that he could go to her husband himself and tell him the truth to save her the burden. He feared how her husband could react, knowing he had a habit of getting jealous and suspicious whenever she got too friendly with a man. He knew he could handle it but wasn’t sure she’d be able to.

“Y/N!” A voice shouted from the entrance; it was Sophie, looking for her so she could drag her to her birthday night out. The pair separated, Cillian standing awkwardly. “There you are. Come with me, I’ve found the perfect dress for you to wear tonight!”

“I’ll leave you ladies to it.” He smiled, giving Y/N one last reassuring smile before leaving the building. The last thing Y/N wanted to do was go out, but she didn’t want the crew hating her even more after her earlier fiasco, so she dragged herself to the wardrobe department and let Sophie show her the dresses they were going to ‘borrow’ for the evening.

“A vision in red! Happy birthday, sweetheart.” Paul beamed, hugging Y/N tight as she joined the group, her husband in tow. Paul made the effort to greet him - the man lucky enough to steal Y/N’s heart - as he put it. She laughed along, the pang of guilt inside her chest doubling in size. He may’ve had occupancy of her heart once upon a time, but that space had since been filled by someone else, and that someone was currently sat in the corner looking as handsome as ever. Cillian raised his glass to her, smiling, his arm flexing in his t-shirt. She nodded back, the all-too-familiar rush of heat spreading up her neck and to her face.

It was the perfect night for it, considering the football match just a few miles down the road was keeping most of the city occupied for a couple of hours. Everyone chose to pack out the pubs, leaving the majority of the bars fairly empty and ideal for the star-studded crowd to hide out and enjoy their night. It wasn’t often they all stepped out together like this, but birthdays were an exception.

“Drink?” Y/N’s husband asked, throwing his arm over her shoulder. Leading her to the bar, he gushed about his conversation with the Arthur Shelby, and how much of a nice guy he was. She wondered if he’d speak so highly of Cillian, or if his strange vendetta would get the better of him. “Shots for the birthday girl?”

“Oh, not yet. Let me ease myself in.” She laughed weakly, drumming her fingers on the bar.

“Not even one?”

“Why? Are you trying to get me drunk?” She raised a brow, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“Well, you always were fun after a few drinks…” He purred, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek. She grimaced at his words, but luckily he didn’t notice as he was too busy waving at the bartender.

He ordered, yelling obnoxiously over the music. Y/N’s eyes wandered across the back of the bar as she absentmindedly bobbed her head to the song playing, mouthing some of the words. “Oh, I’ll get these.” They both turned to see Cillian standing there with his hands tucked into his pockets, a friendly smile on his face.

“It’s alright, mate. I promised I’d get the birthday girl her first drink.” Her husband’s hold on her tightened as he spoke, his fake grin wide enough to blind a man.

Y/N stood there between the two men, her heart pounding as she felt Cillian’s stare on her face. He’d had good intentions coming over, wanting to keep an eye on her, but she wished he’d stayed put at his table. She already struggled to act normal around her husband, and her lover’s presence only made things ten times more difficult.

“Perhaps some shots then? My treat?” Cillian rested his arm on the bar, catching the attention of another bartender.

“She doesn’t want – “

“Shots sound great. Thanks, Cill – ian.” She stuttered, correcting the nickname before her husband noticed. He looked down at his wife, then back at the man beside her who calmly ordered, leaning over the bar so he didn’t have to shout. Funny how she suddenly agreed to shots when he was the one paying…

Cillian passed Y/N and her husband a shot each, and they downed the drinks together. She winced as it burned her throat, sticking out her tongue as she groaned. “Tequila! Are you trying to kill me?”

The Irishman laughed, nodding a last thank you across the bar. “Happy birthday, Y/N.” He smiled sincerely, giving her arm an affectionate squeeze. He left the bar, rejoining the cast and crew and instantly slotting himself into a conversation. She watched him fondly, almost forgetting about the man stood behind her. Stretching his arm over her shoulder, her husband placed the drink into her hand.

She turned and took a sip. “Thank you… Wait, you didn’t take your shot?” She asked, pointing at the full glass on the bar. He shook his head, taking a swig of his beer. “Why not?”

Swallowing with a loud ‘ah’, he shrugged, his expression blank. “I figured it was a moment to be shared between the two of you. Here. Why don’t you have mine?” He slid the shot towards her, tapping the rim of the glass twice. “Go on. It’s your birthday after all.”

“You’ve got some nerve. Can’t you go a day without starting this bloody argument?” She hissed, pushing the shot back to him. Some of it spilt over the edge, leaving a sticky sheen on the bar. “Drink it, and let’s go join my friends.”

“I wouldn’t drink it if you paid me to.” He leaned down to her level, trying to intimidate her, but it didn’t work. She wasn’t scared of him; she just saw him as a pathetic, jealous little boy. When he behaved like this, it made her wonder why she ever felt bad for cheating on him at all.

“Fine. You want to be a child? Then two can play that game, babe.” She spat, turning on her heels and heading towards Cillian. She slipped herself into the group between him and Sophie, linking arms with the woman on her left. “Which one of you is going to dance with me?”

“I thought you’d never ask!” Sophie squealed, taking Y/N’s drink. “Look after this, will you?” Thrusting it into Cillian’s free hand, she then dragged Y/N into the nearest space, throwing her arms in the air and whooping to the music. They joined hands and spun around like two girls in a playground, shouting the wrong lyrics to the song and giggling uncontrollably.

Y/N twirled around and set her sights on Cillian, beckoning him over with her finger. “I’m not dancing!” He laughed over the music, keeping a firm grip on their drinks. “I’m guarding your drink!”

“No, go on. It’s her birthday.” Her husband goaded, appearing behind Cillian. Y/N frowned as she watched the two men speak, unable to hear what they were saying. Sophie grabbed her and spun her around, putting her back to them.

“Shouldn’t it be you dancing with her?” Cillian asked innocently, gently placing the drinks on the table.

“Oh… I don’t think she’s my friend at the moment.”

Watching his wife dance, he got the sense he was losing her; that she was slipping away from him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He’d noticed how Cillian watched her, that lovesick puppy dog smile pasted on his face and eyes following her every move. He had attended many an event with her past co-stars, and none of them had ever looked at her like that. To him, Cillian was showing off, gloating that he’d lured his wife away from him. He wanted to wipe the shit-eating grin off his face if it was the last thing he ever did.

Y/N stumbled out of Sophie’s grasp, dizzily making her way back to the table. “Everything alright?” She asked, out of breath and reaching for her drink. “It’s a workout dancing with her.”

“Don’t you worry, love. Everything’s fine. I was just talking to Cillian here about you. About the two of you, I mean.” Sniggering behind his glass, he gulped down the remainder of his beer and wiped his mouth, clearing his throat. Cillian’s face contorted in confusion, his fingers gripping the edge of the table, toes curling inside his shoes out of frustration.

“What’s he said to you?” She asked, directing her question to Cillian. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be rudely interrupted.

“So quick to jump to his defence.”

“We’re not doing this here.” Y/N snapped, dropping her glass with a thud. “You are not showing me up in front of my colleagues, my friends.”

“Pick a place then, love. It won’t make a fucking difference.” Her husband could be nasty when need be, but she wasn’t about to stand and take it, especially not with an audience.

“Right - “ Cillian started, cut off by Y/N barging past them both and towards the doors. This caught the attention of her cast mates, which Cillian quickly fed a lie to before speeding after her.

He found her outside, stood against the wall and hunched over, hands clutching her knees. “Y/N, I’m so sor - “

“Cillian, don’t you dare apologise for his behaviour. Do you hear me?” Her voice shook as she spoke, the sudden rush of anger overwhelming her. She slid down the wall, sitting on the pavement, her exposed shoulders flat against the cold bricks. “Who does he think he is? Acting like that in front of everyone? I could lose my fucking job.”

“You wouldn’t lose - “

“Yes, Cillian. I would. If the studio… If the writers found out about this - “

“They won’t.” He asserted, kneeling down so they were on the same level. “They won’t.”

She took a few deep breaths, Cillian’s presence calming her down as he crouched opposite her, his fingers resting lightly on her knees. “You know, for months I have felt like the worst human being in the world. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the cheat staring back, the lousy fucking cheat.”

“So, you’re not perfect. You’ve done some, admittedly not great things, but I don’t think anyone in there would blame you.”

“Somehow I don’t think they’d praise me for fucking my co-star behind my husband’s back.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and rubbing her temple with her fingertips. “God, I’m sorry, Cillian. I’m not trying to… You’re so much more than that, I – “

“It’s alright. You’re upset… And I can handle whatever you throw at me.” He joked, reaching out to pinch her chin.

Hearing the doors swing open, the two flinched, Cillian rising from the ground instinctively. “Well, isn’t this cosy?” Y/N’s husband drawled, sauntering towards them. “So… I was right, yeah? You and him?” He pointed between them, his words directed at Y/N.

“Please…”

“Just answer me. Put me out of my God damn misery.” He threw his arms in the air in defeat, letting them fall to his sides, hitting his thighs with a loud slap.

Pressing her palms against the ground, Y/N pushed herself up, adjusting her dress as she steadied her feet. She approached her husband, and Cillian put his arm out to try and hold her back. “It’s OK, Cill.” She stood looking up at the man she once loved, her hands balled into fists at her side, thumbs picking at the fabric clinging to her legs. “You’re right. You figured it out.”

He exhaled a laugh, kissing his teeth. “I knew it.” Turning away, he ran his hands through his hair, looking up to the sky and sighing deeply. “How long?” He looked back, hands on his hips and brows furrowed. “Y/N, how long?”

“Since my twenty-ninth birthday…” She said shyly, realising just how much worse that made everything look. It had been exactly a year, pretty much to the hour, that she’d shared the first kiss with Cillian that started it all.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Well, I am sorry for interrupting your little anniversary night…” Exasperated, he took a deep breath and exhaled the air with puffed cheeks. “You know what? You are not the woman I married.” He pointed his finger in her face, but she didn’t react. Folding her arms over her chest, she stepped back until she felt Cillian against her, his hands supporting her upper arms. He whispered comforting words into her ear and her eyes began to water as she continued to stare at her husband, distant and unblinking.

Silence fell upon them, and Y/N expected more to be said, but was surprised to witness her husband turn and walk away. Anything else he had left to say was muttered under his breath as he disappeared around the corner. She and Cillian waited a few seconds to see if he would come back, but the street stayed unusually empty and quiet. “It’s alright. He’s gone.” Cillian whispered, and she spun in his arms, clinging onto him desperately.

Her thoughts felt like they were drowning in a whirlpool, like she couldn’t take control of them no matter how hard she tried. The heaviness in her heart had dissipated, but the ache in her stomach and throbbing in her head persisted. “Can we get out of here, please?” She begged, her head buried in Cillian’s chest.

“Shall I tell the others we’re leaving?”

“Just leave it. Please, can we just go?” Her voice cracked as her hold on him tightened, pieces of his shirt screwed up between her fingers.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

Lying on the bed, Y/N stared at the ceiling, her fingers ghosting over Cillian’s as he laid beside her. A strange mixture of relief and dread washed over her body, making her feel weak yet incredibly alive at the same time. She wanted to jump up and down, to declare her feelings for Cillian from the highest rooftop she could find. However, another part of her wanted to hide, to burrow under the covers like a scared child until it was safe to come out. She was too afraid to check her phone; it was probably already blowing up with messages from her family and friends.

How could you?

Who was there for you when you were starting out? Did the fame get to your head?

He’s heartbroken! You should be ashamed.

The mere thought of it all made her head spin, and it was far easier to leave her phone on do not disturb and pretend no one else existed for a moment. Her thoughts felt so loud, and she wondered if they both held their breaths for a moment, would Cillian be able to hear the gears twisting and turning inside her brain? Or the steam coming out of her ears?

“Some birthday this was.” She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Am I supposed to feel bad? Like… Is this the point where I’m supposed to cry and scream about how terrible of a person I am?”

“You can if you want to.” Cillian turned his head to the left, and she looked over at the same time, their eyes meeting in the middle.

“No… I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. I just can’t. I don’t feel bad, not anymore. Is that horrible?”

“How do you feel?”

This was a new feeling for Y/N, for the both of them in fact. Throughout their relationship they’d spoken about everything from their favourite albums to their very particular pet peeves. They’d even spent a whole night debating the existence of aliens, sitting out on the balcony of a hotel room and bickering with each other beneath the stars. The thing they hadn’t really spoken about were their feelings, including their feelings for each other. Those three fateful words were still dangling from the tip of Cillian’s tongue, and there was so much Y/N wanted to say in return.

“I feel… Relieved. I feel free.” Clasping her hands together, she tucked them under her head. “That’s awful to admit, isn’t it?”

“It’s better than pretending.” He rubbed her shoulder soothingly, his thumb slipping beneath the strap of her dress. “Paul was right, you are a vision in red.”

Y/N giggled, swatting his hand away and adjusting the strap. “You are such a flirt!”

They stayed looking at each other, studying each other’s faces as if there was something new to see. Y/N counted the little flecks in Cillian’s bright blue eyes, watching his pupils twitch and change sizes with every few blinks. He added up the freckles on her face, imagining how they’d look if they were connected like tiny constellations across her cheeks. He smiled to himself, his tongue poking out to swipe across his bottom lip. “What?” She asked, eyes squinting with playful suspicion.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” His voice was gentle and quiet, barely reaching above a whisper. It wasn’t necessary in the room they were in. Not a single sound could be heard around them, except for their breathing and bodies shuffling against the sheets. He swallowed his words, assuming that perhaps she wasn’t ready to hear them. It had only been an hour since she confessed to her husband in the street, and he didn’t want to overwhelm her with a big declaration of love. He’d know when the time was right, he was sure of it.

Rolling off the bed, Y/N pressed a kiss to Cillian’s forehead and went to take a shower. Whilst she was gone, he looked around the bedroom, spotting various bits of his belongings scattered from the many times he’d stayed over. Filming for the series was almost complete, and it would soon be time for them to pack up their rentals and head home, wherever that may be. He thought about how things might change now that they technically didn’t have to sneak around anymore. Would people start to notice? Would they be victims of some derogatory Daily Mail headline by morning?

Returning in a towel, Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, combing through her damp hair in the mirror. Cillian knelt behind her, balancing on the mattress as he ducked his head down to press a soft kiss to her shoulder. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the birthday you deserve.” He murmured against her skin. She closed her eyes and hummed, enjoying the feeling of his lips moving across her shoulder blade.

“I think it was exactly what I deserved.” She whispered, turning her head to catch a glimpse of him. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he gazed up at her through his lashes.

“There’s still just under two hours left of it. Do you think we can turn it around?”

“What do you suggest?”

Cillian scrambled to his feet, hitting the carpet with a clumsy thud. Clicking his fingers, he pointed to Y/N, a goofy smile on his face. “You still have that wine in the fridge?”

“You really trust me to drink wine after last time?” She raised a brow then mimed throwing up, clutching her stomach with her arm. “After last time…” She fake gagged, making him grimace.

“OK, OK! Bad idea!”

He stood with one hand on his hip, the other raking through his hair. Cocking her head to the side, Y/N admired the view in front of her, pinching her bottom lip with her teeth. There was something oddly appealing about Cillian in regular clothes with the signature Tommy Shelby haircut. He wore a crisp white t-shirt with dark jeans, which just happened to be one of her favourite looks on him. It was simple, yet he somehow made it the most attractive thing she’d ever laid eyes on. Her eyes followed the trail of his veins down his forearm, where they reached the hand that sat just above his waistband.

“I’m gonna be honest, that was my only idea.” He laughed, resting his cheek in his hand.

“Cillian…” She said softly, shuffling to the edge of the mattress. “Come here.”

As he approached, she parted her legs, giving him enough room to stand between them. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he looked down, his eyes meeting hers. She looked so beautiful like this; just wearing a towel with unruly wet strands of hair stuck to the sides of her face. Her cheeks blushed a light pink, decorated in a couple of stray droplets of water from the shower.

“Closer.” She whispered, reaching up to grab his shirt. He lifted his knee and rested it on the mattress beside her, using his hands as support as he hovered over her, lowering her until she was laid on her back.

“Is this close enough?” He breathed, his palms flat on either side of her head.

“Almost…”

He lowered himself further as if he was performing a press-up, using the strength in his wrists to steady himself above her. “This will do.” She smiled, bringing her lips to meet his.

Dropping to his elbows, Cillian weaved his hands into her hair, tugging gently at the root. She moaned softly into his mouth, arching her back to inch herself closer to him and press their chests together. He groaned, a shiver coursing through his body as the towel around her dampened his shirt.

Pulling away from the kiss, they each opened their eyes and gazed at the other, panting quietly with heat-flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Their faces were just close enough to still be able to see one another properly without their vision blurring. Y/N sighed, her forefinger tracing the curve of his cheekbone. “Are you OK?” Cillian asked, running the pad of his thumb along her bottom lip.

“Yeah, I just…” She couldn’t concentrate with his fingers under her chin, featherlight and careful across her skin. Blinking slowly, she relaxed into his touch, relishing in the feeling of the goosebumps that prickled her cheeks.

“We can stop if you want.”

“No, no. That’s not what I want. Quite the opposite, actually.” Her words weren’t exactly a lie, but they didn’t seem to match the look on her face.

Worried, he flipped onto his side and laid next to her, his right hand finding a loose piece of thread hanging from the towel and twisting it around his finger. “If you need a bit of space for a while – “

“No, Cillian. Please don’t say that.”

“Alright, I’m sorry…”

“I just don’t know what happens next. Am I supposed to announce it to everyone? Do I file for divorce on Monday? How does this all work?” She laughed slightly, mostly at herself for being so clueless. “I think telling everyone my marriage is over will be the easy part. How do I tell them about us?”

“Well, the divorce stuff can wait for a bit. You don’t need to rush into anything.” He patted the bed, searching for her hand. She turned her palm upwards, letting his slide over the top and their fingers entwine. “As for telling anyone…”

“What?” She rolled onto her side, mirroring his position. “Do you think we should tell people?”

“I was going to say, is there really any need in telling anyone yet? I mean, we’ve kept it between the two of us for this long already and – “

“Yes, but that was because we didn’t have a choice.”

“I know... but just think about it. I think it would be weirder if we charged into work next week and announced it to everyone.”

She stared at a crease in Cillian’s shirt, daydreaming about how things were going to be. He was right. They didn’t need to shout about it, and Y/N certainly didn’t want to draw any attention to herself just yet. She already knew what people were going to think of her and label her as, and she wanted to delay the backlash for as long as possible; whether her husband was going to allow that was another story…

Cillian opened his arms for her, scooting higher onto the bed so his feet were no longer dangling off the edge. She followed, snuggling into him and tangling her legs with his. The silence between them was heavy, like there were a million words going unsaid. Y/N knew that Cillian was everything she wanted, but a small part of her worried about what would happen to her husband. Being married to someone for four years was going to leave a stamp on her forever, but she sincerely hoped he’d be OK, and that he wouldn’t try to inflict a war on her and Cillian. She knew in time that things would smooth themselves out and feel normal, but for now, she was content to sit in her little confusing bubble, just as long as Cillian was in it with her.

“Cill?”

“Mhm?”

“When we met earlier in wardrobe, and I spotted that box, what was in it?” She smiled sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

“You really wanna know?” She nodded. “OK… Well, that box wasn’t actually for you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what was in it! It was already there.”

“Cillian!” She slapped his chest playfully and he huffed, feigning hurt. “Why did you say it was for me?”

“Technically, I didn’t! You just assumed.” He laughed, watching her cheeks redden and brows knit together. “Don’t look so disappointed! Listen, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow when I give, or rather take you to your real present.”

“Now I’m intrigued.”

“That’s all I’m saying! I’m not going to spoil it.”

“Fine…” He hugged her tightly, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. She listened to his heartbeat, counting the thumps in sets of eight. Looking up from his chest, she was surprised to see him already looking at her. “What about my other present?” She whispered.

“What do you – Oh, right. That.”

She sat up, kneeling beside him so she could see him better. He rotated onto his back, folding his arms across his chest, and tucking his hands under his arms. “Y/N – “

“No, wait!” She turned her head, fixing her messy hair and readjusting the towel around her body. Turning back with a flip of her hair and a dramatic flailing of her arms, she gestured for him to sit up.

“What are you doing?”

Awkwardly crawling closer on her knees, she ran the back of her hand over his cheek, leaving it to rest below his jaw. “Cillian.”

“Y/N.” He chuckled, and she immediately hushed him. She tried her best to be serious, but laughter threatened to burst out of her. “Whatever you’re doing, please get on with it because you’re freaking me ou – “

“Here it comes…” She spoke in her best attempt at an Irish accent, cringing at herself.

“Oh for Christ’s sake.” He threw his head back, belly laughing, and she grabbed him by his shirt to pull him back. Composing himself, he bit his cheeks to refrain from laughing any more. “Sorry… Go on.”

“I love you.”

He was silent, staring at her as he ran his fingers along his upper lip nervously. He knew it was coming, yet it still caught him by surprise, hearing those words come out of her mouth. He’d heard her say them plenty of times when they were in character, but this was different. They sounded so sweet when they finally meant something, and feeling her eyes on him made his heart pound in his chest. “Too cheesy?” Y/N asked, dropping the terrible accent.

“Cheesy, but I liked it.”

Sitting down cross-legged, she reached her hand out for him which he gladly took. He kissed her knuckles softly, keeping his lips there as he looked up at her. “I love you too.” He confessed. Both their bodies seemed to slump as if a weight they’d been carrying had been lifted, and despite everything that had happened, or rather gone wrong, that night, this moment felt right. He kissed her again, before slotting his fingers between hers and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “And we’re going to be OK.”

#cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy oneshot #peaky blinders #cillian murphy

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andhumanslovedstories · 8 months

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I feel like there’s a lot of talk of the mean girls culture of nursing, like nurses who bully other nurses, and while I know that happens, I’ve never actually experienced it. I can’t speak to how other nurses interact with patients when I’m not there—this post is not about nurse-patient relations, this is about nurse-nurse relations. And there’s been times I’ve been frustrated with my coworkers for not answering call lights goddamn it yall just gonna let it beep forever because it’s not your patient???? Sorry got sidetracked. Coworkers are still coworkers.

But overall, when I reach out for help, I get it. I’ve never had any of those nightmare scenarios where patient safety is compromised because the nurses hate each other. Usually it’s the opposite. The other day, I went over to a different unit than the one I was on to get advice about helping get a very painful cancer patient up from a low seated position, and the charge of that unit and another nurse came over and helped me with a difficult hoyer lift. That’s what got me thinking about this. They spent 30 minutes on a floor that wasn’t even theirs, giving help they didn’t have to (I could have muddled my way through it, it just would have sucked for the patient and me) but they were like “oh we just had a similar situation last week, let’s do it!!” And it’s not the first time this has happened! There’s been multiple times when I’ve gone over to a speciality floor for advice and instead have just got a whole nurse following me back.

Maybe it’s cause I’m in float pool and I don’t have a home unit that I notice this so much, because I constantly have to ask for help from someone I don’t know, and I constantly get that help. And since I’m so often in that position, I try to offer a lot of help, which makes people I think want to offer to help me, and so on and so forth, a snake eating it’s own tail but the snake is called Team Healthcare.

The end of this post is that while I was writing it during a slow period of the shift, a nurse came up to check in if I was doing alright and if I needed help with anything. And I was like “girl I’m literally on my phone sitting with my feet up, do YOU need help?” And she was like “nah I’m also good” and then a call light went off, and both of us looked at each other without getting up to answer it, and then thirty seconds later, someone else got it, and look I’m actually in no position to judge my coworkers for anything ever.

#nursing tag

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suffersinfandom · 6 months

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Alright, I’m gonna talk about Ed and abuse.

“Why, V? Why are you spending your precious time on Earth typing about some dumb fandom stuff when you could be doing literally anything else?”

In short, seeing all of these “Ed is an abuser who’s inevitably going to hurt Stede” takes have been driving me absolutely bonkers since I first noticed them. They’re not going away, so I’m going to bang out an essay.

In less-short: it’s because abuse is a serious thing and, as someone who’s experienced it, I get a little feisty when it becomes a topic of discourse in my silly pirate fandom. It’s because it’s upsetting to read meta after meta accusing an indigenous man of being an abuser. It’s because a lot of the abuse discourse in the fandom fails to separate real-life abuse from violence in a show. It’s because the vast majority of the abuse talk only acknowledges physical abuse which, while terrible, is not the only kind that hurts people and utterly destroys their lives.

It’s because calling Ed abusive or insisting that he’s a future abuser can harm people who are like him -- people who have suffered abuse or get angry sometimes or have hurt people when they were hurt. Victims of abuse, especially those who dealt with it in childhood, often fear becoming abusers themselves. They bottle up their anger for fear of hurting someone. They hurt themselves in a misguided attempt to protect others. They don’t need to see fandom meta that enforces their fears.

And it’s because, frankly, I am unemployed and I promise I’ll stop if you give me a transcription or copyediting job, please and thank you.

Before I get into it…

I may as well come clean and say that I’m on team Ed absolutely isn’t abusive and it’s weird that people are getting that from a show that’s full of violence.

Plenty has been typed in Ed’s defense by POC in the fandom, so I’m not going to go into how deeply unfortunate it would be to make an indigenous main character an abuser. I’m just going to say that, when you consider OFMD’s genre and attitude towards violence, it seems clear to me that you can’t call Ed abusive without calling out other characters (unless you have some kind of bias against Ed). His actions are deplorable in the real world, a bit much in OFMD’s world, deeply unhealthy, not okay by any means, and shitty and traumatizing for his crew, but they aren’t abusive.

I’m going to try to keep things polite and respectful. I’m also going to try to stick close to what the text is trying to say; I truly do want to present an honest, earnest analysis of something that I love.

The arguments in favor of Ed as an abuser.

We can’t defend an idea without knowing what we’re arguing against (with brief counterpoints that I hope to expand on later). For this section (lol, sections, that feels pretentious and weird and I’m sorry), I’ll be lightly rephrasing things and omitting sources.

“Ed has anger management issues that disqualify him from being a romantic lead.”

Counterpoint: Ed does not have anger management issues. (Even if he did, I can think of a few very successful franchises with shitty and violent romantic leads. Ew.) He gets angry sometimes, as we all do.

“I defended Ed making Izzy eat his toe because that was a single instance and abuse is a pattern. Season two made it an explicit pattern.”

Counterpoint: First, feeding people their toes isn’t a biggie in this universe. Second, Ed fed Izzy that initial toe because he stepped out of line and demanded Blackbeard; it’s likely that additional toes were the victims of Izzy not being obedient. (I’m not saying this is right or that it’s cool to feed people body parts when they disobey, btw. I hope that doesn’t need to be said.)

“The first two episodes of season two set up the cycle of abuse so well, but the show never follows through. It doesn’t even acknowledge that it set up that storyline. If they’d wanted to end the season on a happy note without spending a lot of time fixing Ed’s relationship with the crew, they could have just made Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes less dark and abusive.”

Counterpoint: Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes isn’t abusive. It’s a bit over the top and it hurts people, yeah, but Ed’s definitely not following in his abusive father’s footsteps and systematically abusing his crew.

“Season two gives us straight up abuse. It gives us Stede, still soft around the edges, being deliberately headbutted during their reunion.”

Counterpoint: There is no abuse between Ed and Stede. The headbutt was not a case of a violent person intentionally hitting their passive partner; it was a confused, unwell, and nonverbal man reacting to the presence of someone who hurt him. Also? Stede has no problem setting boundaries or speaking out. Good for him!

“As bad as the season finale was, I’m glad the crew’s safe from Ed. Now that Izzy isn’t there to protect them, any little trigger could set Ed off and lead to him hurting them. Stede, though… Stede’s stuck with Ed and the corpse of Ed’s last victim, and it’s only a matter of time before Ed destroys him too.”

Counterpoint: This take is so far removed from the text of the show that I don’t know how to address it quickly, but here we go: Ed is not a threat to the crew after episode two, Izzy did not protect the crew from Ed’s moods, Ed does not have a hair-trigger temper, Izzy is not Ed’s victim, and -- vitally -- Stede is in absolutely no danger. Ed is not destined to be an abusive partner in season three.

And an overriding counterpoint to everything is this: Our Flag Means Death is a comedy with tons of over-the-top violence. If your theory is unrelentingly grim or looks at violence and its consequences in a real-world light, consider stepping back and remembering what genre the events of the show are happening in. If you think that only the violence committed by the indigenous lead is abuse, look at the actions of the other characters and ask yourself why Ed doesn’t get the same grace you’ve granted the others.

With that quick and dirty rundown of the arguments I’ve seen, let’s move on to the next important step in building an argument: definitions.

What is abuse in the real world?

In the real world, abuse is extremely serious and not something to be taken lightly. But what is abuse? We can’t say much about it in any world without knowing what it is in ours, so here’s a simple explanation:

Abuse “includes [a pattern of] behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate, or control a partner or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to. This can happen through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.” (1)

“Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten someone. These behaviors are often more subtle and hard to identify but are just as serious as other types of abuse.” (2)

It’s important to emphasize that not all purposeful harm to another person, physical or otherwise, is abuse. “What abuse really means is control. When a truly abusive situation exists, it’s because one party is seeking to control the other through abuse.” (2)

To summarize, abuse is a pattern of behavior that involves one person intentionally harming another. That harm is meant to control, and it can take on more forms than just physical.

That said, I’m mostly concerned with physical abuse here, as that’s the only kind that I’ve ever seen discussed in relation to Ed. Going into mental and emotional abuse will involve talking more about a specific non-Ed character and I don’t want to go there. Possibly ever.

In our world, all abuse is terrible. Vitally, our world -- and this is very important, so underline it twice if you’re taking notes -- does not operate by the rules of a pirate rom-com.

Okay, so what is abuse in the silly pirate world of Our Flag Means Death?

First, we have to understand what the show is. @piratecaptainscaptainpirates lays it out nicely:

“1. This is a rom-com.The central romance between Ed and Stede and comedy are therefore the two most core parts of the show, with Ed and Stede's romance taking priority over everything else. That's not to say OFMD doesn't have dark themes, it absolutely does; it's to say that comedy is always important to how the show is written, acted, and filmed.

“2. This is not a subtle show. That's not to say it's a simple one [...]. It's amazingly layered and emotional responses by characters are often extremely complex. However, when the show is trying to tell you something, it's not subtle and it never tries to hide it.” (3)

Did you jot that down? Our Flag Means Death is a romantic comedy with one core romantic couple, Ed and Stede, whose story takes priority over everything else. It can be dark, it can be serious, but it is, at its core, a comedy, and not a subtle one at that.

Some things are just funny and that’s it.

As a rule, the most obvious reading is going to be the one to go with. The show’s meanings aren’t hidden under layers of red herrings and subtext; if you’re compelled to bring out the conspiracy corkboard, you’re probably in too deep.

But this isn’t just a rom-com: it’s a pirate rom-com, and that comes with gratuitous violence. Here’s a short, fun list of examples of things that we can consider canon-typical pirate violence:

Tying hostages to the mast and letting them cook a bit

Wanton murder during a raid (“Note the gusto!”)

Pirate A threatening his crush at gunpoint until Pirate B gutstabs him

Whippies and yardies

Cutting off toes and feeding them to people “for a laugh”

Pirates who are madly in love stabbing and poisoning each other

Literally any violence directed at a racist (this violence is, in fact, good and encouraged)

There’s also the pirate-typical killing of other pirates. Duels don’t seem entirely unusual, and Izzy outright tries to get Stede killed at several points in season one. When Chauncey Badminton and the English navy show up after being summoned by Izzy, Stede’s life isn’t the only one on the line; the rest of the crew is also put in potentially life-threatening danger. Izzy is forgiven, so I think it’s safe to say that attempted murder is the kind of thing that pirates typically move on from. Eventually. If the attempted murderer is pathetic enough.

In short, Our Flag Means Death has a lot of violence, and very few instances of violence (looking at you, Hornigold) are treated as anything other than socially acceptable. But do you know what’s really important in the show?

Feelings.

The way characters feel as a result of something is given an immense amount of weight. All of the show’s subtleties are in the realms of the mental and the emotional, and that’s where the real pain is too.

Nigel Badminton’s death was bad because it was emotionally and mentally devastating for Stede. Ed’s father’s murder was bad because it hurt him and forced him to create a monstrous alter ego to cope. Both of those men -- Nigel and Father Teach -- are totally acceptable casualties; their deaths would be net positives if they hadn’t had such strong impacts on our leads.

Feelings are everything in Our Flag Means Death, and the feelings of our leads are the heart of the show. That’s where the story is; that’s where the complexity and ambiguity is.

So what is abuse in this context? The casual treatment of physical violence and the seriousness of emotional distress tell us to adjust our own moral judgments accordingly. Physical violence is everyday, straightforward, and often comedic; emotional violence is devastating and complicated. Physical violence is cartoonish and, half the time, part of a punchline. Emotional violence is real and raw and not a joking matter. Attempted murder can be shrugged off; ditching your boyfriend after experiencing a traumatic event is more complicated.

When we ask ourselves if something in OFMD is abuse, we have to consider the act in the context of a rom-com that’s all about the feelings of two guys, set against the violent backdrop of piracy, and absolutely packed with people getting maimed and murdered in casual, comedic ways.

Awesome! Now we’re a little clearer about definitions and genre and how we should adjust our expectations! Unfortunately, we haven’t jumped into the real meat of whatever the hell this essay is…

Is Ed abusive in the context of the show?

No.

Aaaand we’re done!

Joking, joking. Obviously I’m going to pick out the examples of “abuse” that people cite and discuss each one, but first: we need to talk about Ed, violence, and anger.

Ed is not a violent person. He’s not full of rage that’s threatening to erupt at all times, and he’s not some kind of sadist that revels in hurting people. The violence of Blackbeard is a fuckery: the theater of fear, an illusion of cruelty calculated to terrify enemies into surrendering.

Ed has his whole thing with murder that's rooted in childhood trauma. Killing his (canonically, decidedly) abusive father to protect his mother scars him so badly that he distances himself from the situation -- blames Father Teach’s death on the Kraken -- and can’t bring himself to directly kill anyone else after that. Blackbeard orders murders and causes deaths and maims and maintains his image as a bloodthirsty murderer, but Ed doesn’t do “the big job” himself until the end of season two. When Stede’s life is in the balance, Ed can kill to protect him.

Edward Teach kills only to protect.

But that’s killing, and we’re talking about general violence. Ed is casual about the day-to-day violence of piracy. He participates in it, incites it, and doesn’t feel bad about it. No one does! It’s part of the job!

That leaves us with the "anger problem." Ed is frequently characterized as an angry person who lashes out when enraged, and I don’t think that canon at all supports this interpretation. Ed gets mad, yes, but his anger is always at least understandable. It isn’t a constant, simmering thing that turns him into an abusive monster when he’s triggered. He doesn't always deal with his anger (or any of his other feelings) in a good and constructive way because both of our leads lack emotional maturity, but I think it's a mistake to characterize him as an angry person.

Hopefully I can elaborate on this idea -- the idea that Ed is only violent and angry in a normal and canon-appropriate way, and anger is by no means one of his defining characteristics -- by doing a run-down of all of the times Ed is accused of being abusive or showing signs of being an abuser.

Sooooo...

Ed loses his shit on a falling snake during his nature adventure with Stede (S1E7). In this scene, he’s embarrassed about the whole treasure hunt thing and annoyed by the very existence of nature. He is not relaxed. When nature takes him by surprise by falling on him, he stabs the crap out of it in a scene that is played for comedy. There’s the important part: this is comedy. Ed is grumpy and his childish tantrum is harmless and silly. It isn’t a red flag. Overreacting while irritated isn’t an indicator that someone will be abusive.

Ed punches Izzy after the English have taken the Revenge, captured Stede, and turned Ed over to Izzy (S1E9). Honestly, I think the fact that Ed lets Izzy talk before punching him demonstrates a great deal of restraint on his part! This is justified anger and fear for Stede’s life. This also isn’t some sign that Ed hits Izzy on the regular.

In his post-pillow fort era, Ed is cleaning up his cabin when that one highly contentious Izzy scene happens (S1E10). Izzy insults Ed, tells him that he’d be better off dead than as he currently is, and says that he serves only Blackbeard (Ed better watch his fucking step). Ed reacts by grabbing Izzy by the throat and telling him to choose his next words carefully. This, in my opinion, is a valid way for a pirate captain to react to insubordination. At the very least, it doesn't tell us that Ed is Izzy's abuser; there's no indication that this isn't a one-off provocation and reaction.

Which takes us to The Toe Scene.

In real life, it would be extremely fucked up for a boss to remove an employee’s toe and make him eat it. OFMD is not real life. One episode earlier, Ed was talking about the life he was glad to leave behind -- the life where The Toe Thing was done “for a laugh.” Not as punishment, but for fun. It’s set up as something that’s gross (“yuck”), not a grave punishment. When Ed feeds Izzy his toe, he gives Izzy what be asked for: he gives him a violent captain. He gives him Blackbeard. He gives him the guy who fed people toes for fun.

But what’s important here is that Ed is not having fun. He’s having a hell of a lot less fun than Izzy is, going by their expressions in the scene. This isn’t who he wants to be, but after having the possibility of a better life snatched away, Ed throws himself back into the sure thing. He becomes the Kraken -- the captain Izzy wants, the violent monster that Ed thinks he is and tries to distance himself from, and the only thing Ed thinks he can be. It’s sad. It’s desperation, not anger and abuse.

In the second season, Ed headbutts Stede after he’s revived from his coma/death (S2E4). In the next scene, Stede is holding a cold steak to his face and calling it an accident. Roach says “that’s what they all say” -- a line that alludes to domestic violence. The thing is? It’s not, and the crew has expectations of Ed that Stede doesn’t.

Ed is freshly out of a coma (or newly alive). He’s nonverbal. His brain is, medically speaking, couscous. He still has one foot in the gravy basket. When he sees the man who left him hovering over him -- the man he loves, the man who just appeared to him as a mermaid -- he tries to say something then, when that fails, resorts to a headbutt. This is a single violent action perpetrated by a confused and hurt man who doesn’t know what to do with all of his feelings. He can't talk. He can't push Stede away.

Stede understands all of this, even if the other characters don’t. He sees the headbutt for what it is: a bit of a bitchy move. He isn’t afraid of Ed. He never is.

Stede also isn’t afraid of Ed when he acts out later that episode (S2E4). When Ed learns that Stede went back to Mary, he excuses himself from the dinner table, smashes a chair against the wall, and knocks a vase to the ground. In this entire episode (this entire season, tbh), Ed is having intense feelings that he doesn’t know how to express or work through; the reveal that Stede returned to his wife is the final straw. He takes his tangled feelings out on an acceptable target (a chair, a vase) instead of Stede because he doesn’t want to hurt Stede.

This looks a little like displacement -- when “an unacceptable feeling or thought about a person, place or thing is redirected towards a safer target.” Displacement is an “intermediate level coping mechanism.” That is, it’s more sophisticated than the ways children deal with intense issues, but it’s still not entirely mature. In an adult, it indicates a level of emotional immaturity. (4) Ed is emotionally immature, not inherently violent. He gets overwhelmed by his feelings and lashes out -- not at a person, but at something that can’t get hurt.

Displacement is not an indicator that someone is an abuser. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s an attempt at emotional regulation. It’s not the best coping mechanism, but it’s definitely not a sign that someone is going to go into a rage and assault people.

Stede cringes when Ed smashes the chair and sends the vase crashing to the ground, but he’s not afraid of Ed. He is never afraid of Ed because he knows that Ed isn’t a real threat to him. He cringes because sometimes that's what a person does when a loud thing happens. That's what people do when chair shrapnel starts flying. Also? It's kind of embarrassing behavior on Ed's part. They're guests enjoying a mediocre dinner! That's no way to act!

And this leaves us with the first two episodes of season two, which are an absolute mess.

Ed is fully in his Kraken era. He has no hope that Stede will return, he no longer trusts the crew, and he feels trapped in a life he absolutely doesn’t want. He thinks that he has to perform Blackbeard until death sets him free. He sobs in his cabin when no one’s looking. Publicly, Ed fades into the role of remorseless and bloodthirsty pirate captain.

Needless to say, this makes for a shit work environment. Ed works the crew too hard. He drinks and does drugs and runs everyone ragged. He’s an absolutely terrible boss, but he isn’t abusive.

That isn’t to say that the crew left on the Revenge isn’t traumatized. They are! They’ve been thrown off balance by the sudden change for the worse in someone who was their friend, and they’re traumatized by the neverending violence that the constant raids -- raids that were bloody and deadly, not the fuckeries of the past -- demanded of them. They’re traumatized by that final night in the storm when Ed did everything in his power to goad them into killing him, almost murdering everyone in the process. They’re traumatized by their own attempt at murder.

In S2E4, Blackbeard’s crew has flashbacks to the violence they perpetrated under the Kraken: Jim fighting Archie, Fang breaking a man over his knee. They’re also haunted by guilt about what they did to Ed, as evidenced by their Lady Macbeth-style scrubbing. Their own violence is a significant part of their trauma in this episode.

No, that doesn’t absolve Ed. He drove the violence -- demanded it of both the crew and himself. He hurt other people because he was hurting, and that’s terrible.

Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes of season two is horrible, but he’s not abusive. Not all bad or violent behavior is abuse.

(We also have to ask ourselves just how bad Ed’s behavior really is. Archie, someone from the pirate world who has no idea what the Revenge was like pre-Kraken, tells Jim “that’s how these things usually go” at the height of Ed’s violence. She doesn’t act like she experienced anything out of the ordinary which is, if I may be honest, kind of worrying. But ultimately, whether or not Ed’s actions when he was at his worst are normal for pirates doesn’t matter a ton here.)

But what about Izzy, I’m sure you’re asking!

What about Izzy indeed. Ugh. Okay, let’s just… let’s walk through the first two episodes.

One of the first things we see Ed do in season two is shoot a man. At first this seems like the show telling us that Ed is embracing the kind of violence he couldn’t manage before, but if we pay attention, we can see that he’s still following his “not a murderer on a technicality” logic. The man he shoots has a sword through his chest; he's as good as dead. He also falls offscreen before Ed shoots, making the action less impactful.

OFMD is not subtle and this is a quick way to communicate what’s going on with Ed. He’s not doing well and he’s more violent than he was last season, but he’s still himself under the Kraken’s makeup. He hasn’t done a moral one-eighty. If the show wanted us to think that Ed's a monster, they would have made him a hell of a lot more violent.

So. Izzy.

Immediately after Ed tells Izzy that he’s replaceable in S2E1, we reach the scene that people point to and say, “That’s domestic violence!” This is where Izzy breaks down because he has just been told in no uncertain terms that he’s not Blackbeard’s special little guy. That’s devastating to him, and he cries when the crew shows him kindness.

Jim tells Izzy he’s in an unhealthy relationship with Blackbeard; Frenchie describes their relationship as “toxic.”

A toxic relationship is “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness." (5) And you know what? Yeah, Ed and Izzy definitely have a toxic relationship. Well-sussed, Frenchie! And is their relationship unhealthy? It sure is -- for both of them! But the crew is, understandably, more sympathetic towards Izzy because they’ve never been present when Izzy was hurting Ed.

(Only tangentially related, but the crew must have really liked Ed pre-Kraken. As far as they know, the man went dark with no warning or cause. They deal with his bullshit for approximately three months (assuming one raid a day), and he has to go so far before they put an end to him. Remember when they were ready to toss Izzy overboard after, like, twelve hours under his command?)

Even though they only have one side of the Izzy and Ed story, the crew isn’t accusing Ed of domestic abuse. The term doesn’t apply to the mutually fucked-up thing that Izzy and Ed have and, beyond that, the scene is played for laughs. Jim and Frenchie use comically modern language; the whole thing feels like an intervention for a stressed-out middle manager with a shitty boss. It's funny. It's a comical thing in a comedy show.

Moving on.

Izzy returns to Ed and tells him that the crew won’t throw treasure overboard to make room for more treasure. Ed says, “And that’s another toe.” Losing a toe is the penalty for failing the captain.

Which is more likely: that Ed cut off Izzy’s other toes on a cruel whim, or that Ed cut off Izzy’s toes after other perceived failures? I’m going for option two. It’s obviously not okay to punish an underling by taking toes, but we’ve already established that toe-removal isn’t a cruel and unusual pirate punishment. It’s done “for a laugh.”

(Specifically, toe-chopping is the cost of Izzy’s failure. Frenchie disobeys and lies to Ed in his short time as first mate and he doesn’t lose a single toe. Izzy bears the brunt of Ed’s cruelty because he’s the one who demanded it.)

This is not who Ed wants to be, but it’s who he thinks he has to be. It’s who Izzy told him to be.

Izzy makes the mistake of invoking Stede and Ed storms above deck. He holds the crew at gunpoint, one by one, and asks them if they think that the vibes on the ship are poisonous. No one gives him a positive answer and Ed turns the gun on himself. He works himself up until Izzy interrupts and the following exchange happens:

IZZY: “The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why.” ED: “Well, I don’t. Enlighten me.” IZZY: “Your feelings for Stede fucking Bo--”

[Ed shoots Izzy in the leg. Ed steps over him on his way back to his cabin.]

ED: “Throw this shit overboard and get suited up.”

I don’t want to go into speculation about the true cause of the fucked up vibe on the Revenge (it’s clearly not just Ed’s feelings for Stede) or why, exactly, Ed shot Izzy. What’s important for this post is this: Ed's actions are not unusually cruel for a pirate captain who considers his first mate out of line. This is the kind of thing that the idea of Blackbeard that Izzy worships does to maintain his reputation.

Fang cries when Ed shoots Izzy because he knows Blackbeard. He has been with Blackbeard longer than anyone else, and this isn’t Blackbeard. Blackbeard doesn’t work his crew this hard. Blackbeard doesn’t disregard the deaths of long-time crewmates like Ivan. Blackbeard doesn’t shoot his own crew. Fang is off-balance and distraught because his captain of twenty years is acting far, far more cruel than the Blackbeard he knew.

This is not Ed as he usually is. Ed at his worst is breaking all of his past patterns. He’s behaving like a different person. His actions at this point in time are not typical of his past actions or predicative of his future actions.

When we reach S2E2, Ed is chipper. He’s cleaning up, he’s tying up loose ends, and he has decided that, no matter what, this is the day that he dies. He’s determined. First, he’ll give Izzy a crack at killing him; next is the storm, the destruction of the steering wheel, and taking increasingly desperate actions to get the crew to stop him. He tells Jim and Archie to fight to the death. He goes to blow the mast away with a cannon and doesn’t react as nameless crew members are being washed overboard.

Ed is stopped only by Izzy’s reappearance and the violent mutiny that follows.

None of what Ed does here is abuse. This is desperate violence. This is an unwell man begging everyone around him to send him to doggy heaven.

And finally, we have the big murder party in the season finale. A surprising number of fans interpret Ed’s willingness to cut down naval officers as a sure sign that he’s gotten worse and he’s more violent than ever. This is, in my opinion, a take that completely ignores everything we know about Ed and his relationship to violence.

I said it before, but it bears repeating: Edward Teach kills only to protect. He murdered his father to protect his mother. He mows down colonists for Stede. He kills for love, and by the end of season two, he has made some kind of peace with the Kraken and his own capacity for violence.

It’s sweet. Like, it wouldn’t be sweet in the real world, but in this world? In a world where physical violence is funny more often than it’s serious? In a world full of pirate characters who all have hefty body counts? It’s growth. It’s Ed healing.

Ed is doing better. He’s not a threat to the man he loves, and now he’s not a threat to himself either.

Anyway!

No, Ed is not abusive. No, there’s no indication that Ed will become abusive in the future.

“Okay, but many abuse survivors take issue with the irresponsible message that Jenkins is subtextually sending with Ed’s story!”

That’s fine. Take issue with things. Feel whatever you want to feel, but remember that abuse survivors are not a monolith. Consider, just for a moment, that the abuse you think you see in the show is not textual. Ask yourself if Ed is truly worse than all of the other characters or if you have some bias warping your view of him.

Finally: please keep in mind that I’m not trying to present The One True Interpretation. I’m just rolling all of my arguments and thoughts into one big ol' ball and throwing it out into the wild. You don’t have to agree with me but, if you don’t, I hope you’ll at least have a bit of a think.

If you read this and liked it, please consider validating me with a like! If you read it and didn’t like it, I’m sorry for wasting your time. If you skimmed the first part and decided to dismiss me as soon as I said I don’t think that Ed is abusive… idk, peace and love and goodbye.

#ofmd #ofmd meta #edward teach #long meta #like too fucking long #abuse #tw abuse #cw abuse #me typing things #fandom critical #kinda?

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foreverinadais · 2 years

Text

the break-up:

summary: in which y/n is going through a break-up with the moon boys and happens to be serving when one of them is on a date. reader x steven, reader x marc, reader x jake (3rd person, she/her pronouns)

warnings: ANGST (there is fluff, don’t worry) , break-up, language, fem! reader

word count: 4109

thank you for all the love on this fic!! every interaction has made me smile and is very much appreciated. hope you enjoy :)

Working in at the small Steakhouse restaurant was certainly not what Y/N had envisioned for her career. It was, to put it plainly, becoming rather tedious to deliver the same orders every night to similar faces of people, mostly the ones in love.

Love.

The thought of it made her feel sick. It was not long ago she was that person sat in a small restaurant, gazing longingly into the eyes of one of the three men she had fallen deeply for. She saw herself in those people, full of hope and desire. But now, she saw herself in ones sitting alone, eyes clouded with tears and doubt.

Break-ups were hard.

Especially when it was with 3 separate personalities, people. With each one, she was losing something else- Steven’s unadulterated sweetness, Marc’s vulnerability, Jake’s passion. But all three, together, they completed her, filled her heart with a feeling she had only ever heard of from Shakespeare and Byron- love. Absolute love. And when she lost that, not once but 3 times… she felt loss. Painful, heart-wrenching, unreal loss, that left her reeling in pain every night, and fighting the overwhelming sense of loneliness during the day.

She didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand how it was over. She finally understood how words could carry such pain- we can’t do this anymore. It had hurt more than any punch ever could, felt like a literal dagger in her heart.

“What? What do you mean? Marc?” It was Marc who was nominated by the others to do the deed. Y/N had instantly noticed something was wrong, rushing to his side and comforting him before seeing an unfamiliar look in his eyes, something dark and heavy that made her heart race. He felt a lump form in his throat. No. He was meant to be able to do this.

“I’m sorry. But we… we need to break-up.” The silence that followed was almost unbearable as Y/N studied his features. He almost couldn’t read her expression, almost shocked when she let out a breathy laugh.

“Is this some kind of a joke? Your kidding, right?” Denial. Marc shook his head, having to turn away from her before he broke completely.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, scared that if he attempted to say anything more, his cover would break completely. Y/N was still for a second.

“No. I don’t believe you.” He sighed in a mixture of frustration and sadness, shaking his head. He needed to get it together. “Whatever’s going on, I’m here for you. all of you. you know that Marc, whatever this is, we can work through it, right?” She sounded so sweet, voice collected and comforting.

“I-” The words were escaping his mind as all he could think of was pulling her into his chest and kissing her until neither could breathe. And it was then Jake took control. Y/N could sense his presence immediately; the way his shoulders tensed, his head dipping slightly.

“Jake. What’s going on?” she tried the question again, feeling nausea creep in her stomach.

“Marc said already.” He was being short with her, voice sounding angry, stern. Oh. He was still turned away from her, and she let out a groan in exasperation, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. He was avoiding eye contact, looking to the floor, expression cold and distant.

“For fuck sake, Jake, why?! Can you just, just be straight with me. Because I’m confused.”

“We need to end this. It’s over.” She felt tears prick her eyes, anger replacing the nerves.

“But why?! WHY, Jake, this is ridiculous!” She took his cheeks in her hand and forced his eyes to look into hers. She wanted to break his exterior, wanted him to tell her the truth, or admit it was all a joke. But he held her eyes this time, not looking away when he said:

“It has to be like this. I’m sorry.” Y/N scoffed.

“No…” and she felt the anger coming out. “No! This is pathetic.” And she began hitting his chest, not hard enough to hurt, not even slightly, but he felt each blow, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Lo siento…”

“You- fuck- can’t do this to me. You can’t!” She carried on hitting his chest until she felt weak, and suddenly, someone was gently grabbing her wrists.

“Y/N/N…” She felt a sob wrack her body and stopped, falling into Steven’s chest. He almost reluctantly comforted her, a hand stroking her back as she cried.

“What’s happening, Steven?” The hurt in her voice was unbearable. He felt tears fill his eyes as he lightly took her shoulders and urged her away, so she was facing him. “Please.” The word came out as a broken whisper and Steven swore it was the worst sound he’d ever had to endure.

“Listen, love, I mean, Y/N…” her name felt weird coming from his lips, ones which usually graced her with pet names and terms of endearment. “I know this is hard to hear, trust me, but we, us, well, we decided we need to-”

“Not you, too. Please, Steven, you cant possibly want this.” He didn’t. None of them did. But alas, it had to be done.

“I-”

“Give me one good reason. I swear, Steven, this isn’t fair and if there isn’t a reason then I’m not leaving.”

“T-there is.”

“Tell me.”

He couldn’t say it. Couldn’t say what he knew needed to be said. Which they all agreed needed to be said for her to leave. She needed to leave. It was the only way they could keep her safe.

“It’s just, things happen, don’t they? Just life, innit?”

“That isn’t good enough, for fuck sake! You know that! Give me a reason-”

“I want too-”

“Cause this isn’t right-”

“Bloody hell-”

“Just fucking explain why your all-”

“Because we don’t love you anymore!”

And it was then the world shattered. Everything seemed to explode, fall out of place, everything but those words. Steven was breathing heavily, face red. She looked at him, a heaviness behind her eyes as she realised he must be serious. And then she was leaving, not even grabbing a jacket, just going out in the cold, London air, but she didn’t even feel it. She hardly felt a thing.

She once enjoyed the comfort of the Steakhouse. It was where she first met Steven, actually. He was smartly dressed, eagerly awaiting his date. But after a few times returning to take his order, it was clear that his date wasn’t going to arrive. She felt sad for the man, and when he did order, she offered to sit with him.

From there, Steven Grant fell madly in love for the girl who sat with him when he was sad.

And it wasn’t long before Marc and Jake fell too.

Sad, now, that the place full of memories, and where she worked every day, was tinted with sorrow and heartbreak.

“Alright, Y/N, your on-table service, Maya, you’re on till.” Y/N looked over to her co-worker who cocked an eyebrow before the drilling shift began. The first couple hours went by smoothly, normally, as Y/N took many orders of many couples, families, friends. She had the same smile plastered on her face- even to the particularly rude regulars who she always vented about after her shift, normally to her boyfriends… no, don’t think about them.

It was towards the end of the night when the restaurant got gradually less busy. Y/N breathed a sigh of relief as she noted it was nearly closing time. She couldn’t wait to get back to… her friend’s flat, where she was currently residing until she found something more permanent. It didn’t feel like home, far from it, and it made nowhere in her life feel safe.

“Table 4 is ready. Warning, Y/N/N, it’s a couple. Looks like a first date.”

“Ugh, great. Just what I need.” She replied sarcastically, and Maya gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Want me to do it?” Y/N sighed and shook her head, offering a smile in return.

“I’ll be fine. You, go, before John kills us both.” The pair laughed before Y/N adjusted the apron on her waist and got her notebook for orders. The table was outside, candlelight reflecting the stars in the nightfall. It was perfect for a date, a romantic nostalgia settling comfortingly around the area. Each table was like a small circle of the world, just for whoever was sat there.

She remembered when she was there, in her own corner of the world with the ones she loved most.

She had to shake her head of the thoughts, reminding herself that it was, in fact, over.

The London air was chilly, and she stayed in the doorway for a brief moment before going outside. She saw the table she was to tend to, and prepared her brief interaction as she always did, making her way to the table.

The first person she noted was a woman, hair long, fingers tapping against the surface of the table. Her voice couldn’t be heard from this distance, the buzz of the city drowning out any words that weren’t in direct distance for. The next person was facing away from the door, face out of view. They were sporting a head of dark, curly hair, but it was morphing with the dark, and Y/N couldn’t observe much else.

She reached the table, eyes still down on her notepad, preparing for her normal line: “Good evening, what can I get for you both tod-” But when she looked up, her world stopped. The buzz of London was a mere silence now as her eyes were locked with ones she knew so well for so long. That had left her not so long ago now.

Steven.

She knew it was him. she could tell by the slight widening of his eyes, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. She could tell by the way his mouth was slightly agape, searching for words he wouldn’t be able to find in the vast swirl of his mind, and 2 others, no doubt.

Y/N almost forgot where she was until a small cough brought her crashing down to reality. “Excuse me, miss? You sort of trailed off there.” A posh British accent broke the air, and Y/N turned her attention to the woman Steven was with.

“Oh!” Too enthusiastic. Y/N flinched at herself, starting again. “My apologies. I must have lost my train of thought. Um, oh right! What can I get you today, both of you?”

“Let’s start with a bottle of red, then I’ll have rare with a side of mash.” Y/N nodded, trying to ignore the fact they were there. When she had scribbled it down, she attempted to act normal when turning to Steven.

“And you… sir?” He tore his eyes away from the depths of the table to look into her eyes. He tried to form a coherent sentence but instead settled on the words:

“Yeah, I’ll, um, have the same.” Y/N just nodded, muttering her usual ending line of ‘be with your shortly’ before practically running from the table. Her heart felt heavy, and tears filled her eyes as she quickly slipped into the staff area to catch her breath.

Seeing Steven with someone else? That hurt. They had moved on. Truly. And she was stuck in limbo. Her heart still belonged to them. She stayed a moment longer before realising she had to pass the order on, wiping her eyes and shaking her head, before exiting to the kitchen. After passing the order on, hardly looking at the pad, she tried to forget what was happening.

But he was out there. Steven, with his adorable smile. Steven, with his sarcasm and jokes that had her crying. Steven, with the loving, doe eyes in pretty much every situation. And beyond him, there was Jake, stern but sweet, passionate but quiet. And there was Marc, the perfect mix of all. They were out there, forgetting about her, relishing in another’s company. And whilst she so desperately wanted to be happy for them, move on and forget, she couldn’t.

There was a time they were her future, and she couldn’t bring herself to make them her past.

The order for ‘table 4’ was shouted twice by the chef, who was unimpressed both times. Y/N apologised, taking the dishes, hearing words like ‘incompetent’ and ‘slow’ as she left- she resisted the urge to throw the dishes at him.

This time, she was ready for the sight at the table, but no more prepared. Now, she felt dread as she saw the familiar curly hair. But, putting it aside, she returned, wondering if Steven had explained the situation to his unsuspecting date.

“I’ve got one steak, rare with mashed potatoes,” she started, putting the dish down in front of the woman, “And one vegan steak with green beans.” She hardly looked as she placed the meal in front of him.

“Vegan? He didn’t say vegan.” Oh. Y/N realised she had ordered Steven’s usual, not what he ordered. Her eyes widened in embarrassment as Steven looked at his meal then back at her.

“Oh, I’m… I’m so sorry, let me get that for-” In her haste, she accidently knocked the wine bottle off the side, and it fell to the floor with a SMASH. “Shit!” Everyone outside instantly turned to the scene, Y/N instantly on the floor trying to pick up the glass as Steven’s date stood up in anger.

“What kind of a place is this?! Wrong order then smashes the wine…” the voice was clouding out as Y/N felt overwhelmed with emotions. She heard the manager step out, trying to calm down the angry customer, who only stopped when he assured her the meal was on the house with a free dessert. She heard her manager’s angry grumble for her to be inside as soon as she finished cleaning up her mess. In the heat of it, she didn’t notice her hand bleeding from a particularly sharp bit of glass. She must’ve looked awful, because hands were suddenly helping her off the ground and escorting her back inside.

“C’mon, love, it’s alright. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?” She hardly responded as she was lead into one of the bathrooms and sat on the closed toilet seat. “Let’s hope this doesn’t get infected, eh?” Gentle touches cleaned the wound and it felt so familiar, so safe, that she forgot it was him. Sniffles left her every so often as Steven muttered something every now and then. But apart from that, it was silent.

And then, the touches stopped. And it was done. She looked up to see Steven already staring at her, seemingly analysing every detail of her face. The tiredness in her eyes, the gentle frown on her lips, which he would do anything to kiss. “Why did you come here?” She whispered softly, breaking the silence in the space.

He knew she worked here; they all did. Was it a technique to make her jealous? Was it to flaunt their new love? Was it to cause her pain?

Steven was quiet and he seemed to be battling the others in his head. She noted him looking at his reflection in the mirror longer than he had to before he turned back to her. She was almost surprised to see the overwhelming sadness behind his eyes.

“I needed to see you.” What? She shook her head, getting off the toilet, a moment to fast, wincing as she felt dizziness cloud her for a moment. Steven rushed forward to help her, but she stepped back.

“You were with another woman.”

“I know.” He muttered guiltily.

“You came to our first date spot.”

“Please…”

“You broke up with me, remember? You don’t… didn’t love me anymore.” Steven suddenly shook his head desperately, tears falling freely from his eyes.

“No. Y/N… my darling… no. I c-can’t do this. Take the body, someone.” And then it wasn’t Steven, it was Marc. And the look of sadness morphed into one of regret and a familiar softness that was only reserved for her.

She pushed down the urge to fall into his warmth, deciding instead to further distance herself. “Is your hand okay?” And she groaned in exasperation, throwing her hands in the air.

“It’s fine! But what’s not fine is this. You. Coming here. I’m glad that your moving on but I’m not there yet, okay? I’m trying to be happy for you, all of you, but seeing you is a reminder of what we had, what we lost, and I just…” she tried to stop the flood of emotions, but it was getting harder to contain. “Please, just… go.”

“Marc, we can’t make her go. Not without an explanation.”

“You heard the bird. She isn’t safe with us. She could fucking die Steven, because of us. We have to do this. Jake agrees, don’t you, Lockley?”

Silence followed by a “Si.” Steven was struggling with the idea. Breaking up with you to protect you. Because of what Konshu had said. He couldn’t lose you. but this was losing you and hurting you in the process. He couldn’t live with himself if he hurt you.

“We all need to be on board. We all need to do it. Cause she won’t accept it; our girl is stubborn.” Marc tried to laugh but it came out as a cough, as if he was choking on fear. Because they all feared it, losing her. But they knew it had to be done.

They all knew the pain of losing her in life was more bearable than the fear of losing her in death.

“I just… I can’t. I love her. Gods, I love her more than bloody anything in this life, and every life.”

“I do, too.”

“And that’s why we have to let her go.” Jake said, sternly and authoritatively. They all knew the risk. And they knew what had to be said.

Steven hardly fronted after it happened, to consumed with sadness and despair. Marc did the daily tasks whilst Jake focused on the rest. Steven had only agreed to go on a date when Marc and Jake deduced to get over someone, you had to get under someone.

It wasn’t working for any of them.

And whilst each handled the break-up in different ways, it all lead on the same destructive path; her. Thoughts of her corrupted every action of every day. Memories of the past. Good ones. But worst were the flashes of her after, the distraught look of desperation and bewilderment on her face when Steven had to say the words ‘we don’t love you anymore.’

It couldn’t have been further from the truth.

With every fibre of their beings, they loved her.

But Steven couldn’t resist when he saw the Steakhouse where he had met her, saw the place his love originated. He needed to see her. Needed to see that she was okay, better without them. What he didn’t expect was her getting hurt. He felt like it was an omen, a sign that danger follows him and that they were right to end it. But seeing the pain still etched on her beautiful face, and oh the way she got him his usual order by muscle memory alone... he needed her in his life. Without her, he wasn’t living; simply surviving. Hardly, at that.

So, Marc took control. Saw the way she stood away. Saw the way her eyes avoided his. He didn’t want to leave her, not again. It was hard enough the last time. For all of them. But alas, they were the ones that needed it. So they had to respect her wishes to leave.

“Please.” He just nodded, turning to go to the door, unlocking it. But before he left, he turned around.

“I'm sorry. The last thing I, we, wanted was for you to go.” Y/N suddenly noted something Steven had said.

“Wait... Steven said he didn’t want this. Didn’t want what? What’s this Marc?” Fuck, his name sounded so right coming from her lips. But Marc had to remain strong, so he shrugged. “Your lying. Just tell me the truth. What didn’t he want?”

Marc sighed. Always so stubborn. “Any of it.” Y/N looked around in confusion and was about to respond when Marc said, “I’m sorry again. I’ll go.” And he was leaving. She felt like she had been through a washing machine, head spinning and mouth dry.

Any of it.

What did that even mean?

When she left the bathroom, her manager was waiting for her, followed by a concerned looking Maya. Fuck. In the rush of it all, she forgot about the actual matter at hand. She was only half present as her manager shouted, hearing words like ‘embarrassing’ and ‘unprofessional’ thrown at her. But she was more fixated on other things.

When she was finally dismissed, thanking Maya who offered to do close up, and of course a chat, she made her way home. Home. What even was that? It certainly wasn’t her friends sofa. Nor was it her parents place. There was one place in the world where she felt safest, no matter the circumstances.

And she was stood outside the door now.

She didn’t know what she was going to say as she lifted her (uncut) fist up to the door, ready to knock when the door swung open. It felt like a cliché, the moment in a romance where there’s rain and tears and kissing. But there was none of that. Just a heavy energy between her and the third alter, the other who owned a piece of her broken heart.

Jake.

“Oh.” The sound of disgust left his mouth and Y/N swallowed harshly.

“I need to talk.” Jake didn’t have time to react as she barged past him into the flat. The smell was comforting, hugging her senses, as she took in the stacks of books, the sand, the dirty dishes slowly piling up. It all felt like home. That feeling of utter warmth and safety.

“Mierda." She heard him whisper but she was determined to get answers. “You shouldn’t be here.” She could tell by his tone that he wanted to sound serious, but there was an edge to his voice, one which made her think he didn’t mean what he was saying.

“Well, I am. And I’m not leaving until you tell me the truth.” Jake took off the cap on his head, throwing it to the side, already knowing she was being serious. “Can you give me that?” Jake heard Marc telling him it was a bad idea, that she would break them. Jake was their strongest, the last to fall for her charm- or at least the last to admit it.

“Sí. Fine.”

“So… did you come to my place of work just to see me?”

“No. Well, I didn’t. Steven did. Warned him against it, both of us. But he did anyway. Look where that took us.” Y/N felt her heart drop slightly at that. Maybe he did want her to go, leave forever. But something inside her, something stubborn and persistent, argued that wasn’t the case.

“Okay. Do you all miss me? Or is it just Steven?” Of course, we all miss you, are you insane? We can’t live without you, amor. Fuck.

Jake bit his tongue at the words pouring in his mind, instead opting on a shrug.

“That’s it?” Y/N scoffed. “So, you didn’t, then? You just moved on, like that?” she punctuated her words with a click of her fingers and Jake refrained the urge to groan.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Fuck, Jake! I just… I want closure. I want to know selfishly that I’m not the only one who feels like their fucking dying!” No. he knew he couldn’t hold on much longer if she cried. He couldn’t see that pain again. But there it was, in her trembling lip, her glassy eyes, her furrowed brows. He had to look away.

“Look, maybe you should-”

“No. I still have one more question.” She sniffled, trying to stop the tears from falling, trying to remain strong in front of the men she loved. “When did you stop loving me?” Jake finally turned to look at her, heart dropping when he noted her watery eyes were already on his. He could hear Marc telling him what to say, what to do that would solidify it, keep her safe forever, but even those words were cracked, blurry.

“We…” he was trying to find the words. Trying to find it in himself to lie again. But her eyes… those loving eyes, that were filled with so much ache, a longing he’d never seen before.

I can’t do it. What? Fuck… I can’t do this. Give me the body, then.

But Jake didn’t want to. Didn’t want to send her away, no matter how much he knew he should. “Well? When did you fall out of love? Was it me? Did I do something?”

“Stop.”

“That’s all I need to know. Then, I’ll leave. Forever, this time. If that’s what you want. Is it?” Jake pinched the bridge of his nose, willing himself to remain calm, to stop the compulsion, the absolute need for her taking over. “Why don’t you love me?” Perhaps it was the way her voice broke as she said this, or the way the alters stopped talking for a moment, but suddenly, Jake couldn’t hold back anymore.

He strode forward in a fast motion, and Y/N was about to say something else when his lips were on hers. She hardly needed to adjust as he kissed her with so much built-up passion, she felt dizzy. She hummed in surprise and content, hands fitting on his neck, pulling him impossibly closer as he cupped her face in his hands, feeling every detail he missed so dearly.

“Fuck, I missed you. Missed you every day.” His words were followed by his hands. Which were travelling the crevices of her body, making her gasp.

“But you left me… all of you.” It was a sobering reality which made her step away, him following suite. And then Marc was there, eyes instantly shutting in regret. “Why?” and this time, when she asked the question, Marc knew he had to give her an answer.

“Konshu… we made some pretty bad enemies, sweetheart.” She ignored how the name made her heart quite literally swell, “He reminded us of the risk. That they could use you to hurt us. So… we decided that keeping you safe meant you not being with us at all. That way, we can’t get you hurt.” Y/N was in disbelief.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Marc’s head snapped up to look at Y/N, who’s arms were crossed over her chest. “You listened to the bird? And didn’t speak to me first?”

“There was no negotiation. Your safety is first every time.”

“You don’t get to decide that. I could die at any point in any day.” She was walking towards him now which each word, “Yes, there’s a risk being with you. But it’s a risk I would take. Every single time, every single life. I choose you. All of you. I love you all and that’s enough to keep me safe and happy forever.”

“Oh, baby.” Marc was filling the distance now, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her shoulder. “I’m sorry. I just, we couldn’t risk losing you. Love you too much.” And there it was, the words she so desperately craved to hear since the moment Steven retracted them. Y/N looked up at his face, tracing his features with her fingertips; over the bridge of his nose, along the bush of his eyebrows, following the valley of his eyelids, until she cupped his jaw and brought him down for a loving kiss.

Marc’s exterior broke fully as he indulged in the love he had so painfully missed. The love he had to fight to keep away, for the sake of the person who owned his heart. “Can we…” Y/N started, hating that she was pulling away but tired of standing, “lie down for a bit?” Marc smiled, nodding and interlocking their hands.”

"That’s all I want.” But as she pulled him to the bed, he suddenly tugged away. She was surprised, turning to face him, noting how he was faced away from her. His shoulders were hunched slightly, hands in front of his body, fiddling with his fingers anxiously; Steven.

“Hey,” she started, smiling as she saw him there. But something was off. He began shaking his head.

“I can’t.” He whispered. Her heart dropped as she rushed forward, placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, but it startled him slightly.

“You… what’s wrong? Steven?”

“Can’t look at you knowing what I did.” Y/N swallowed the growing emotion down in her throat, squeezing her eyes shut briefly.

“It’s okay-”

“No! It isn’t! I-I brought a date to our place. You cut your hand ‘cause of me! Blimey, I told you that we didn’t… love you. Caused you pain, I did, and I cant forgive myself. I won’t! “

“You did what you thought was right. What you all thought was right. And I’m not mad, okay? I just, I missed you. Fuck, I missed you so much. Please, Steven, let me see your face.” She felt her heart squeeze as a shuddering sob left his body, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his back and finding his hands with her own. “ ‘s okay, Steven, I’m here. I’m safe, we both are, hm?”

And finally, he turned around, practically collapsing into her arms, bringing them both down onto the floor. They were a tangle of limbs, desperate to find the comfort in each other that they had been deprived of. She realised she was crying too, face wet with his tears and her own. “I didn’t mean it, any word of it. My love… Y/N/N. I’m sorry, so sorry. I h-hated myself for what I did. Felt like a git, still do. But I mean this from the deepest bits in my heart: I love you. and I never want to lose you again, alright?”

She just nodded, whispering terms of endearments to him. And they faced each other, Steven analysing every detail of her face so he she would be forever etched in his mind, and Y/N, staring at her future.

And it was as if all the 3 broken pieces of her heart returned in an instant, making her blossom with love and hope. And in that moment, intertwined on the floor with the men she loved most, she had never felt safer.

#moon knight imagine #Moon Knight #moon knight angst #angst #Steven Grant #steven grant x reader #marc spector #marc spector x reader #jake lockely #jake lockely x reader #steven grant angst #marc spector angst #jake lockley angst #fem!reader #ff #fanfic #moon knight fanfic

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unmotivatedwrit3r · 5 months

Text

Cloudy Christmastime

damian wayne x reader x jonathan kent

(A/N): Before anyone protests, I headcanon the Wayne family as celebrating both Jewish holidays like Yom Kippur and Hanukkah as well as Christmas and Easter because yes, Bruce is ethnically Jewish (though may have done Christmas as well) but Dick/Jason/Tim/Steph would have likely celebrated Christmas. So they do both.

Anyway, this is a christmas gift for @glorified-red and literally the 5th take on this fic bc they first said Hallmark movie, then damijon hallmark movie, then whump. And then it took me three tries to get something I was close to happy with so I hope you enjoy. This ended up being a mix of domestic fluff and h/c.

warnings: sensory overload

wc: ~2600

“Tell me again why Santa doesn’t bring us gifts if he’s real. Like our dads have met him. And he still doesn’t bring us presents,” Jon lamented from the couch, bundled up in four blankets.

From your spot on the floor by the tree, you looked up, an eyebrow raised in amusement. “Because we’re not kids anymore? And how do you know Santa ever brought us gifts?”

“Perhaps,” Damian added, passing Jon a cup of hot chocolate. He placed a second cup on the coffee table and lifted one to his lips. “He only brought gifts to people to make a point. I never received any from him as a child but father has gotten many over the years.”

Jon listed to the side, head landing on Damian’s shoulder. “I think that’s worse.”

For the first time in a while, Jon felt Damian’s huff of laughter more than he heard it. Your small chuckle was similarly inaudible. Jon hated solar flaring. Not only was it a pain to deal with for the day and change—one could argue he got either lucky or really unlucky by solar flaring the morning of Christmas Eve—but it always threw his senses out of whack as they trickled back in. And, with the gray skies of Gotham’s winter, Jon was expecting it to be even weirder than usual. It was worth it though, to him, in order to spend the day itself with his partners. It was enough that the Kent family Christmas Eve was ruined by Lex Luthor. He wasn’t going to let his Christmas day be ruined too.

“I’m sorry, mi sol,” you offered with a shrug and a smile. Jon met your grin with his own. A full-body shiver wracked his frame. Your gaze turned concerned. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jon agreed, “Just chilly.” Damian’s arm wrapped further around Jon, pulling their sides flush against each other. Jon maneuvered the blankets away to soak in his warmth.

“Ameli, we can turn the heat up,” Damian offered.

“Nope,” Jon argued, nuzzling into Damian’s neck. “This is good.” Damian’s resulting huff of air teased at the hair on the top of Jon’s head.

“Mi luna?” You asked from the floor. Damian turned to look at you. Jon followed, eyes traveling over the mound of presents arranged under the tree. There was a pile around the back of the tree against the wall for Damian’s family (Jon still needed to give Dick his gift from the Hanukkah celebration a couple weeks ago. The blue dreidel paper was obvious against the sea of brown, red, and green wrapping paper.), and a smaller one for yours. The empty gap left behind after the Kent Christmas was already filled in with a large box Jon was like ninety percent sure was a new easel for Damian. You ordered it, not him, but Jon couldn’t think of anything else on any of your lists that was even close to that size. “Can you hand me that please?” You gestured to a precarious stack on the coffee table.

Damian acquiesced, passing over a teetering pile of vaguely book-shaped items. Who those were for was anyone’s guess. Jon was grateful Alfred had helped you and him pay for some of the gifts for Damian. Looking at the gift tags, it otherwise would have been horribly uneven. And Damian himself wouldn’t have minded, Jon knew, but you and him would have been upset about it anyway. He deserves the world, your rohi. Damian pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of you, still arranging presents under the tree. He showed it quickly to Jon before texting it to him immediately.

“This look okay?” You asked, peeking out from behind the tree. Jon looked it over. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for exactly, but he also wasn’t exactly the reigning opinion on artistic presentation.

“It looks fine, hayati” Damian said, eyes still trained on his phone. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“You didn't even look.”

Damian turned to look at you. “Because I knew it looked fine, beloved.” His eyes scanned the presents. “And it does.”

You shook your head at him, exasperated, before conceding and sitting heavily on the couch. Scooching in, you nearly pressed up against Jon’s other side.

“Come closer,” He whined, untangling a hand from the blankets to grab yours. “You’re warm.”

Jon could feel the look exchanged over his head.

“I’m not that warm,” you argued even as you grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table and arranged the blankets so that you could fit underneath. “You’re just cold.”

Jon shrugged. The hand that wasn’t holding yours reached underneath Damian’s shirt and he swore, grabbing Jon’s wrist to keep its chill away. Another look passed over Jon’s head. He wondered sometimes if the two of you were aware he knew what you were doing and just didn’t care. Probably.

“Are you sure you’re okay, amorcito?” You asked. Jon shrugged.

“It’s cold outside and I’m human but otherwise yeah. I have you two,” he added smugly. Damian’s playful shoulder hit came at the same time as your muttered “sap.” Jon grinned. “So because I’m sick—sort of—I get to pick the movie. And we’re watching Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Despite the protests on both sides, the movie was playing before Damian could even get up to turn the lights off. To the side of the couch, the lights on the Christmas tree bathed the room in a soft white glow.

Jon awoke to a cold bed. On a good day, he’d wake with the sun—or whenever it wormed its way through the bedroom’s black out curtains—or to an international emergency. Okay, not that the emergency was good, just that he was feeling good enough to know it was happening. On a bad day, all bets were off. Jon stuck his hand out of the covers, searching blindly for his phone. After a moment of finding nothing but the wood of the end table, the scratchiness of the sheets was unignorable and he gave up, flinging back the covers to get out of bed. Hanging over the side of the dresser was a dark red sweatshirt. Jon grabbed it and tugged it on, rubbing his arms to get the lingering echo of the sheets off his skin. His off kilter super hearing zeroed in on the crooning of Michael Bublé before zooming back out into the general background noise coming from the kitchen. Jon winced, squaring his shoulders. That was a bad sign. But it was Christmas; he’d be fine.

A quick squint at his phone told Jon that it was just after noon. No wonder the bed was cold. Jon shivered, then grabbed a pair of your fuzzy socks before opening the bedroom door.

The smell of cinnamon and chocolate coming from the kitchen was pleasant rather than unbearable. Jon let himself breathe it in as he approached quietly. He didn’t even notice you behind him—though that was often true of an average day—before there were arms around his waist and a head on his shoulder. He let himself lean back into the warmth of you.

“Merry Christmas, mi amor. How are you feeling?” you inquired. Hot breath ghosted across his neck. Jon shrugged.

“Fine. Excited for today.” He spun around to face you, eyes taking in your christmas pj pants and sweater with a Robin logo. Over your shoulder, Jon could see flashes of blue, likely Damian’s nightwing sweatshirt. “Merry Christmas,” he added, tucking his nose into the spot just underneath your ear for just a moment. No matter what his super senses were like, he took comfort in the smell of the two of you. A hand weaved through his hair, a kiss pressed to the top of his head. Jon pulled back just enough to give you a peck on the lips before being spun around into a kiss from Damian.

“Merry Christmas, my heart,” Jon muttered, pressing a second lingering kiss to Damian’s jawline. A steady heartbeat pulsed under his fingers, wrapped around Damian’s wrist.

“Good morning,” Damian said, wrapping an arm around Jon to keep him close. Jon blindly reached out and a second calloused hand found his. A second warm body curled around him. He missed your heartbeats’ song in his ears, but Damian’s pounding steadily under his ear and yours fluttering underneath his fingertips was good enough for right then. “Are you alright?” Damian continued. “It’s late.” His voice was echoey underneath Jon’s ear and Jon flinched instinctively. The two of you reacted immediately, pulling back.

“Jon?” you asked, voice laced with concern.

“Yeah,” he managed. “I’m mostly good. About as expected, you know?” Jon offered up a smile. By the looks on your faces, it didn’t do as much reassurance as he’d hoped. “I’m sorry I slept so late.”

“Don’t apologize,” Damian argued. “There is no reason to.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jon sighed.

“How are you feeling about breakfast, mi sol?” You asked, tangling your fingers with his.

“Sounds good,” Jon agreed.

“Oh yeah I should definitely send Dick a text to thank him. And also say Merry Christmas,” Jon said, flopping down on the couch after breakfast. With his partners looking happy, Christmas music in the background, and a breakfast of vegan pancakes in his stomach, Jon could almost forget about the buzzing under his skin.

“Tt,” Damian scoffed. “He would have swapped with me anyway. Gordon and Father are both working tonight so it was pointless for him to have the evening off.”

Jon shrugged. “Still, doesn’t hurt to say thanks.”

“Say hi from me too,” you yelled over the running kitchen sink. After a moment more, the water shut off and Jon released a silent sigh at the absence of an irritating bit of noise. He was lucky the x-ray vision hadn’t started acting up. Not only was that like the antithesis of Christmas presents (his mom kept presents out of the house or in a lead box until morning for that very reason), but it was also a huge pain and the hardest to hide. Screwy touch and hearing was more than enough. Dishware clanked around in the kitchen as Damian sat beside Jon on the couch.

“No change?” He asked, reaching for a Nightwing mug of cider on the coffee table.

Jon shrugged. “Nope, nothing yet.” Damian narrowed his eyes and Jon attempted to start coming up with excuses. At the very least, he could probably get Damian to leave it alone until after gifts. Less so if you noticed too and started teaming up on him.

“Ready for presents?” You asked, sitting down on the other side of Damian. You raised the untouched Superman mug to your lips, eyes scanning over Jon.

“Yes!” Jon butt in before you could say anything. “Let’s do it.”

You and Damian exchanged a look. On the floor below, the elevator dinged, releasing a family with a horde of kids. “Okay,” you conceded, standing to grab the first load of presents.

In the apartment directly underneath, the front door squealed open. A load of presents was slammed down on the floor beside him. Three kids squealed “gramma!” in unison. Jon’s hoodie was all of the sudden suffocating him.

Jon jumped up and yanked the sweatshirt over his head, pawing the sleeves off before yanking his socks off too. He didn’t care where they ended up. His hands went up to press against his ears. Stumbling over his own feet, Jon meandered backwards until his back slammed into a wall and then slid down, knees up and head with ears still covered in between them. Sounds zoomed in and out. All of the sudden, he could hear Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer playing eight floors down, then A Christmas Carol on someone’s TV across the street. Focus! Jon yelled at himself through all the noise. One steady beat came into focus, then another.

Until there was a soft item brushing his feet, Jon didn’t realize he had company. A steady beat pulsed in his ears, too loud even for its familiarity. He pulled the blanket close. Something plastic nudged his shoulder and Jon grabbed it instinctively, slamming special-made headphones over his ears. The sounds faded down into something manageable. Jon took a deep breath. And then another. He didn’t need to hear to know that the two of you were there. When he reached out tentatively with his sense of smell, the usual wave of cinnamon-vanilla-brown sugar-clove and somethings just the two of you tempered by pine and peppermint was comforting rather than overwhelming. Jon let it wash over him, clutching the soft weighted blanket to his chest.

When he cracked his eyes open, two blurs blinked into focus as his partners, leaning against the back of the couch and hands linked. Damian’s head rested on your shoulder, one of your hands tangled in his hair. Jon noticed as soon as Damian saw he was up. He almost slammed his head into your chin as he shot up and Jon huffed a laugh.

“Ameli?” Damian asked. Your eyes locked onto Jon’s.

“You guys shouldn’t sit on the floor,” Jon responded. “It’s bad for your backs.”

You offered Jon a hand, ignoring his remark completely. Jon’s chest ached. If you weren’t willing to banter, he’d scared you. “How are you feeling?”

Jon took the hand and stood, adjusting the headphones so they stayed on his head. He tossed the blanket over his shoulder and reached his other hand out towards Damian before tugging the both of you up and towards the couch.

“I’m okay,” Jon reassured you, sitting down on the couch. “I promise.” When neither of you moved, he tugged you both down on top of him, interrupting the bat-assessment written all over Damian’s face.

“Promise like this morning?” Damian argued. Jon winced.

“Okay, yeah maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“Been a self-sacrificial dumbass as if we don’t a) know you and b) want you to talk to us?” You cut in. Jon could read the hurt underneath the anger clear as day. His fingers brushed over two sets of knuckles, one scarred from years of fighting without protective gear, the other dry from the winter air.

“I know. I just wanted today to be a good day, you know? We never get uninterrupted holidays.” Jon resisted the urge to pull his hands away from yours and curl into himself. The two burning gazes on him were ones of love and concern, though, not judgment.

“And for some reason you think accommodating you makes the day worse, why?” Damian asked. Jon didn’t have an answer.

“We love you, Jon. Eres nuestro pareja. We picked ‘partners’ for a reason, yeah?” You squeezed his hand in yours.

“Yeah,” he agreed, head dropping to your shoulder. Silence was heavy in the room for a moment.

“You choose what we do next,” Damian stated, tugging the blacket from its bundled blob to instead cover you and Jon.

Jon moved from your shoulder to halfway on top of Damian, tugging you on top of him. “You guys are going to squish me in between you while we watch a movie and then we can do presents?”

You shot him a wicked smile. Jon shrieked as Damian pulled him bodily half on top of him along the couch, cut off when you landed nearly on top of Jon.

“Good?” You asked. Jon let himself sink into Damian, arms coming up to wrap around your waist.

“Yeah,” he said. “Good.”

Damian grabbed the remote. “We’re not watching Elf.”

Jon stuck his tongue out at him.

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x reader x jonathan kent #damian wayne x reader x jon kent #jon kent x reader #damian wayne x gender neutral reader #damian wayne #jonathan kent #jon kent x gender neutral reader #emerson writes sometimes

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spectres-n-soap · 1 month

Text

The Things I've Said PT 3 - Ghost x Soap x Reader

Content Warnings - afab!fem!reader, pregnancy, grief, c-section mentioned, worries of motherhood

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Simon picks you up from the building and for once, you speak first, “I called Mrs. MacTavish. We’re gonna have tea later this week.” You say as you pick at a loose thread hanging from your shirt.

“That’s good.” Simon responds before he adds, “I’m proud that you’re taking that step.” For some reason, the word proud makes whatever had built up in your chest disappear and relief replacing it. You smile to yourself as you wade into that feeling. You stare out the window and you realize you’re looking out the window not to avoid a conversation but because you want to. You want to see the world passing by.

The flat is clean when you enter, something you know Simon has been doing while you’re away. You’re grateful for it, one less thing on your mind as the due date draws closer. You look at the calendar app on your phone and feel your stomach clench at how close the date is. It feels like yesterday you were taking those tests and now you’re only a handful of weeks away from meeting this baby. From meeting Johnny’s baby, you cup a hand over your mouth as a wave of nausea washes over you. You glance at this week's coming events and remember some of the items the internet recommends for you during the last six weeks of pregnancy. Practicing your breathing, relaxing your body and going on walks but not too much. Follow the 50/50 rule and get a bounce ball. You were sure there were other things you were forgetting as you sat down on your couch.

You also try to remember that your due date wasn’t guaranteed although if you were going to have a c-section you would have a set date. Since it was a surgery after all. You glance over at Simon who tilts his head at you and you fight the urge to ask him to sit next to you. You dart your eyes away and get back up off the couch, “I’m gonna go lay down.” You mutter and stiffly waddle back to your room. Despite letting him sleep next to your bed at night you couldn’t bring yourself to hold a conversation with Simon.

The week passes by slowly, mostly because Simon insists on doing anything that requires even a small bit of effort. “I can wash the dishes!” You protest as you try to push yourself in between the man and the dirty dishes.

Simon shakes his head and rolls his eyes, something that makes you want to slap him, “I know you can, I’d just rather do them myself.” Simon says and you make a noise in the back of your throat.

“I’m pregnant Simon, not fucking helpless.” You snap, “Let me do the stupid fucking dishes.” You point your finger at him, “You already do everything else.” You grumble. Simon stares at you and you narrow your eyes at him, trying to make sure he knew this was something you were not about to back down from.

Finally, the day had arrived. After setting a time and place for you to meet up with Mrs. MacTavish, the day was here. You bounce your foot up and down, which you couldn’t stop despite literally pressing down on it with your hands, as you wait to see her. You know the drive from Scotland could take a while but you keep checking and rechecking to make sure you have the time right.

Finally, you see her. Graying brown hair and soft blue eyes, a contrast to her husbands and children’s bright blue ones. Everything about her screamed motherhood. Tired eyes but laugh lines more prominent than any other wrinkle on her and you wonder if that's what you will look like one day. Covered in proof of a life filled with happiness despite the terrible things that happen. You know that day must have been the worst day of her life and you swallow whatever nausea had tried to rise up.

A waitress comes by and takes your orders, a fruity drink for yourself and a coffee for her. The silence hangs in the air for a little while longer before you speak first, “I’m sorry for breaking down and snapping at everyone during the baby shower.” You say with burning cheeks and stinging eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry.” You startle in your seat when she reaches across the table and takes your hands in her own.

“I forgive ye, I’ve been worried fer ye. I ken this cannae be easy.” She says and squeezes your hand. You try to muster a smile but can’t seem to hold it for long. “Ye’ve been goin’ to therapy? I suggested it tae Simon-”

“Yeah I have. It’s been helping.” You say, not wanting to hear about him right now. The waitress comes back by with the drinks and you thank her. You take a sip from the fruity drink, enjoying the sudden bursts of fruit on your tongue. “I’m worried.” You admit.

“Worried about what?” She asks after swallowing her mouth full of coffee.

“Being a mum. What if I’m not a good mum?”

She chuckles as she sets down her cup, “Every mum and every da has the same worries. I know I sure did when I was pregnant, each time I was terrified even if it was a bit silly after I had given birth tae several children before.” She smiles at you. “Let me give ye some advice.” She scoots closer like she’s about to tell a secret. “Ye learn as ye go. Ye can never be prepared for parenthood, that’s something I had tae accept when I had mah second child.”

“Really?”

“Aye. Parenting is a learning experience, all you can do is give it your best and know that you’ve given your best.” She says and squeezes one of your hands, “But I have faith in ye. Yer gonnae be a good mam because yer already worryin’ about bein’ one already.”

Mrs. MacTavish kisses you on the cheek before she leaves and says, “Thank yer fer bein’ there fer mah Johnny and yer gonnae be a good mam.” You smile and say thank you. You come home to Simon making dinner and your eyes fill with tears at the sight as your heart hurts for who isn’t.

tag list - @itzzjxlyn @mandalover2023 @pepsicolacoochie @http-paprika @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @dracu1ara @snoopyee

#john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #john soap mctavish x you #soap #call of duty #cod #thyh #ghost x reader #mw3 spoilers #simon ghost riley #thoyh #soap mw3 #simon ghost x reader #ghost x you #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you

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helios-writings · 9 months

Text

Anything, Anything, Anything

Sanji x gn! Reader

WC: 1.5k

Warnings: mild spice (just making out)

Sanji isn’t your soulmate, but that doesn’t stop you from being in love with him.

The man you’re in love with isn’t your soulmate, you know that for a certain fact. You met your soulmate when you were eight years old, a passing face in a busy port town. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bump into you,” etched on your side forever and said by someone you don’t know, someone you don’t love.

Sanji doesn’t know you’re in love with him, but you know he hasn’t found his soulmate yet, even if he really wants to. He’s an old fashioned romance type, even if he denies it. You don’t know where his soulmark is, have never asked because it’s painful to think about.

The crew asks about your soulmate, and you answer, saying you never saw them again after the five minutes you’d met, but you didn’t mind, because you wanted to find love on your own, not because some writing on your ribcage told you who you should love.

“Are you sure you’ll never meet them again?” Robin asks, hand on her cheek as she listens to everyone talk intently.

You shrug. “Big world out there Robin, with an even bigger ocean. But, I don’t care if I meet them again. If it happens it happens.”

She nods in understanding, but doesn’t ask anything else.

“I don’t get what the big deal is,” Luffy remarks, “I’ve never had a soulmark. But if I did, my soulmate would have to wait until I was king of the pirates to meet me!”

You roll your eyes at your captain’s enthusiasm, but you admire him. He never seems bothered at the fact that he doesn’t have a soulmate, Zoro the same way. Usopp and Sanji seem to lament not finding their soulmates yet, but they shove that worry aside to follow Luffy everywhere he takes them.

And then, you make port in a small town, known for their unique cuisine, which Sanji is, of course, ecstatic for.

He splits off from the group almost immediately and you fight the urge to tail and scold him. He’s a grown man, if he gets into a fight he can defend himself.

You instead go off with Nami and Usopp, who want to check out the shops. You don’t feel like being alone today.

You spend a few moments looking at a few odds and ends but not really interested in anything. Eventually, you leave the pair behind and walk through town, greeting the occupants with a grin.

And then Sanji runs into you, quite literally. He knocks you on your ass and then helps you up.

“Geez, Sanji, you’re white as a ghost.” You tease, dusting yourself off.

“Sorry,” he says, “I just….I’m out of it.”

“What happened? You were practically bouncing off the walls a few hours ago.”

“I met my soulmate.” The cook sounds scared, not at all like the lovestruck fool you know he can be.

Your heart drops. “Oh. That’s great, Sanji. I’m happy for you.”

Awkward silence passes before you tell him you need to go and you bolt towards the Sunny as fast as you can go. You say a quick greeting to those who stayed on the ship and then bury yourself under the covers on your bunk. You don’t come out until long after everyone is asleep.

You creep into the kitchen, looking for a snack and something to drink when the light brightens the room. You freeze, piece of bread midway to your open mouth.

“Oh,” Sanji says, “it’s just you.”

“Just me.” You repeat.

“I thought it was Luffy. He likes to sneak in here sometimes.”

“I know. Sometimes I help him.”

“You what?”

“Kidding.”

You sit on the counter, sandwich and water next to you. It’s silent between the two of you as you finish your meal.

“Are you okay?” He asks as you rinse out your glass.

“Peachy.” You respond.

“Don’t lie.”

You sit back on the counter. “Doing as well as I can be.”

“”I’m in love with you.” He says, like he’s telling you about the weather.

“No you’re not.” You say, a little dumbly.

He laughs in disbelief. “I am.”

“You have a soulmate.”

“I told them I didn’t want them. That I had someone else.”

“But- I don’t….I don’t understand. You always went on about meeting them, how could you just cast them aside?”

“I thought that if I pretended I wanted to meet my soulmate bad enough, I’d eventually believe it, that I’d forget about you. But it didn’t work.”

Sanji’s hands are on your shoulders, bringing you close, trying to bring you even closer. His eyes are wide, almost desperate as he stares at you, like he’s trying to get you to believe him through looks alone. His voice is strained as he speaks.

“I’d do anything for you. Anything.”

You let out a soft gasp at his words, almost unable to believe them. “I just-are you sure, Sanji? You met your soulmate, for fuck’s sake. What if you don’t know if this is what you want?” What if you don’t want me, remains unspoken.

“I know what I want,” he tells you, firm, “because it’s right here in my hands.”

You know the tears fall when he wipes a thumb across your face, and then he’s pulling you into a desperate kiss, your arms locked around his shoulders. He’s kissing down your neck and whispering to you: “anything, anything, anything.”

Before you can even think, he’s made his way back up to your lips, and presses against them again, whimpering slightly, like he’s wanted nothing but this for ages.

The two of you pull away and he presses his forehead to yours. His cheeks are flushed, pale skin tinged a light pink. “I love you, I love you.” He whispers, almost imperceptible, almost as if he’s scared you’ll change your mind.

You repeat the words to him, in that same delicate tone, the same soft whisper and he kisses up your arm as you do so, face still flushed.

His blazer comes off, the tie, the shirt. Your shirt. You see his soulmark, etched upon his ribs just like yours, and you run your fingers over it. He doesn’t stop you, though he shivers in response to the touch.

“I can almost pretend they match.” You whisper, mostly to yourself.

“I thought you didn’t believe in stuff like that.” He says, a kiss is placed on your bare shoulder.

“With you I do. I want to be bound to you by fate, Sanji.”

Sanji places his hand on your ribcage in turn. “I’d change it if I could, I’d leave my handprint right here, I’d leave my words etched upon your skin.”

You smile a little. “Do you remember what you said to me when we first met?”

“I asked if you were lost. Even then, I’d hoped you were my soulmate. Even when you didn’t say the words.”

“I don’t even know what it says.” You admit, looking down at the elegant scroll of writing on his side.

He lifts your chin up to meet his eyes. “That doesn’t matter anymore, I’ll get the biggest and ugliest tattoo in the world to cover it up, and then we’ll never think about it again.”

You laugh, albeit a little wetly, but your head swirls with emotions. A few hours ago you thought he didn’t love you back, that he didn’t even think about you. You almost fear that you’re in a dream.

“I love you.” He says again, like he’s testing out the words, but his eyes are still desperate, like you don’t believe him.

“I love you too.”

Reality hits you then and you let out another tear strained laugh. “You chose me over your soulmate.”

“As far as fate is concerned, you’re the only one I need.”

He kisses you again, pulling you close, the skin to skin contact a foreign but welcome sensation and the shiver that it causes leaves goosebumps in its wake.

The door to the kitchen opens and the both of you freeze. You and Nami make eye contact.

“I’m going back to bed.” She announces, and the door swings shut once again.

You and Sanji laugh, his head is on your shoulder as he lets out a silent wheeze.

“No more making out in the kitchen.” You tell him, still laughing.

“Then you definitely aren’t allowed in here anymore.”

You flush but playfully elbow him in the ribs. “Maybe you shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen.”

Sanji kisses your cheek and hands you your shirt. “We’ll hash out the details later.”

You’re loath to leave him, for some reason. But you shake the feeling off as leftover insecurity and kiss him gently, wishing him a good night. He keeps looking behind him as he walks to the bunk room.

You sigh dreamily as you sweep the deck and can’t help but think the stars look a little brighter that night.

#character☀️: sanji #fandom☀️: one piece #daylightarchive #one piece x reader #one piece x you #op x reader #op x you #one piece imagine #sanji x reader #sanji x you #one piece imagines #reader insert #sunbathing with: sanji

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greynatomy · 1 year

Text

Dear Scarlett…

Scarlett Johansson x Fem!Reader

First Scarlett fic. I’ve actually had this in my drafts for a long time and discovered it again today.

Hope you like it and let me know what you think!

-grey

———

“I want a divorce.”

“You- what?” You said, shocked at the words that came out of your wife’s mouth.

“I don’t love you anymore!” Scarlett shouted, grabbing all her packed bags. “And you couldn’t even give me the one thing that I wanted!”

“Well, I’m sorry that isn’t good enough to carry a child! You could’ve done it, but you’re too busy with everything else.”

“Oh, shut up and quit whining! I am famous, a celebrity and you’re just a fucking musician who hasn’t even done anything in years! You don’t do shit! You’re probably just with me because of my money and to get your name out there!”

“I’ve known you for years and not once have I took advantage of your money, even way before we started dating, up until now! And your fame? Really? How am I using you to get my name out there when literally no one knows who the fuck I am or that you’re even fucking married. Or in a relationship for that matter cause you wanted to keep us, ME, a secret. So fuck you for that.” You said, walking up the stairs into your shared bedroom that Scarlett hasn’t slept in with you for weeks.

“I regret ever meeting you! Marrying you was a mistake! I’ll have the divorce papers sent soon.” With that, Scarlett walked out, slamming the door behind her. Once she’s gone, you collapsed to the floor next to the door, not being able to hold the tears in any longer.

You and Scarlett have known each other for years. You helped her throughout her divorce from her ex husband and raising Rose. She confessed her feelings for your after two years, dated for two years, married for four years. It was amazing at first, but everything went downhill after your first miscarriage.

You both hadn’t lost hope and tried again a year later, but after that second miscarriage, that’s when Scarlett started to pull away from you. You both really wanted to have a baby, but your body couldn’t handle it and Scarlett has been getting lots of movie opportunities where being pregnant was not something she could do at the time so you tried one last time and all the tests showed negative for a baby.

Scarlett gave up, she stopped being affectionate towards you, stopped sleeping in the same bed as you, just stopped acting like a wife while you hoped there was a small chance that she at least still liked you.

1.5 years later

A knock on the door and the ring of the doorbell woke a couple up from their sleep. Both not expecting anyone this early in the morning. The woman gets out of bed, followed by her fiancé.

Looking through the peephole, she sees no one, so she opens the door, looking around, still not seeing anything, until a small coo is heard.

She looks down seeing a baby in carrier with a duffel bag next to them. She grabs the carrier while her fiancé grabs the bag and brings them inside, locking the door.

“What are you doing here, huh?” She asks the baby in a soft voice.

“There’s just a bunch of toys, frozen milk, and folders in here.”

Putting the baby carrier on the coffee table with the baby still in it, the woman sees a piece of paper wedged by the baby.

“Wait. There’s a paper here, don’t open those ones yet.”

Opening up the folded paper, the woman starts to read.

“Dear Scarlett…”

#scarlett johansson x reader #scarlett johansson #scarlett johansson imagines #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #scarlett johansson imagine

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julilovesyou444 · 10 months

Note

hey baee that last fic u did was so good i literally loved it tysm it was so cute!! i have another request - could you write smth where the reader is the 5th member of the band and tom has lit been in love w her since they were kids, and it’s only when they’re like 16/17 that he finally accepts it and confesses to the reader?? like it’s so unlike him to be all soppy and stuff so he didn’t wanna accept his feelings and he’s like super nervous bc he doesn’t wanna like ruin the friendship or anything but ofc the reader likes him back 😋😋 THAT WAS SO LONG LMAO and super specific again but anyways tysm 💗💗💗

i know you ~ tom kaulitz

ty for requesting bb! I’m so happy you liked the last one!! hopefully this one is okay too! enjoy💗💗 if anyone wants, feel free to request

warnings: swearing, yelling, drinking, partying, kissing, thats it i think ??

a/n~ thank you for 100 followers!! I sound stupid saying that but seriously the support means so much to me, gustav req coming soon!! stay tuned and enjoy this little piece for now💟 also thank you for all the comments and messages, I LOVE YOU GUYS🫶

(okay but angry love confessions >>>)

sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes !!

“are we doing anything tonight?”, i asked, laying down on the tour bus’ couch. My legs were draped across bills, he had insisted. We had been on the schrei tour for about a month now. the change from regular life to tour life was insane. we were on the schrei tour, about a couple months or so in. We had a little trouble adjusting at first, we were all getting into a lot of arguments, but now we were fine. Bill and Tom still get into arguments a lot, though. Tom has been acting weirder than usual, and i kinda felt like most of this behavior was aimed at me. It felt like he was distant, and I couldn’t figure out why. I have had a crush on Tom for just about as long as I can remember, but I always pushed away those feelings because I loved our friendship too much, and I didn’t want to confess to him and for there to be a rift in between us. I knew for a fact he didn’t like me back. He had so many absolutely gorgeous fan girls who liked him, so there was no way he liked me. He was also kind of a player. That hurt a little at first, but just like the whole situation, I learned to live with it.

“Uhh, i dont think so. We could do something, though. I wouldn’t mind.”, Bill replied, typing something on his phone. The door to the bus opened, and Tom walked in. The smell of cigarettes followed him. We were waiting on Georg and Gustav to finish up the grocery shopping. I thought he was going to go sit down on his bed, but I was wrong. He was staring down at me.

“What?”, i asked.

“Sit up. I wanna sit on the couch too.”, he said flatly. I groaned and sat up for a second, my legs still over Bills. I looked back and saw that Tom was sat behind me, both of his arms resting on the top of the couch. I fell back onto his lap, my head resting on top of his legs. I felt him tense up under me. He raised his eyebrows at me in a judgy way and I rolled my eyes.

“Who said I’m allowing you to do that?”, he said in a bratty tone.

“Deal with it.”

“I guess I will because it doesn’t really seem like I have a choice.”, he huffed.

“Okay, I’m tired of your guys’ bickering, I’m going to go check on Gustav and Georg and see what is taking them so long. Hans is in the store too, I guess he got tired of sitting and driving all day. I’ll be back soon.”, Bill said, lifting my legs up and letting himself get up. Before either Tom or I could protest, he left.

The silence engulfed us. It felt awkward, and I hated it. I had known Tom since we were seven. He had always been a bit of an asshole, but he was nice too. Lately I had just been getting asshole Tom. He seemed somewhat normal with everyone else, except for me. I started to overthink. Did he find out I liked him? Was he uncomfortable around me now? Did he think I was weird?

“sorry for laying on you, I’ll get up.”, i quickly said as I began to sit up. Tom grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back down into his lap.

“No. You can stay. If you want.”, he said flatly.

“Oh… okay, yea.”

I looked up at him as he gazed back down at me. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. What had changed between us? When he was a kid, he would treat me just like he treated everyone else in the band.

“Is everything okay?”, i asked softly.

“What do you mean?”

I could tell he knew exactly what I meant.

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s stupid, nevermind.”, I looked away.

“No, tell me.”, he used his finger to direct my chin back toward him. His eyes were slightly narrowed.

“I don’t know, Tom, you just seem different, that’s all. I feel like you haven’t been yourself lately, but I’m probably just dumb and it’s all in my head.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry.”, i immediately apologized in fear of making him angry.

“Why? You have no reason to be.”

Everything he did confused me.

“Okay, well, I just feel like you’ve been a little distant.”

“I haven’t been.”, he said. He sounded a little bit annoyed.

“Okay, sorry.”

“Will you stop saying sorry?”, he lashed out.

I froze. He usually never yelled at me. He knew I hated when people yelled at me. No matter what the situation was, if someone yelled at me, I would cry. He knew that. I sat up and he tried to get me to stay. I shrugged him off and stood up.

“Um, I think I’m gonna go take a nap in my bunk, I’m pretty tired.”, I mumbled.

“Just wait-“

“Leave it, Tom.”, i said quietly before walking away and over to my bunk. I heard Tom curse underneath his breath. I laid down, and about a minute after doing so, I heard everyone load back onto the bus.

“Okay, we have about two hours left in our drive to Dresden and then you guys can get checked into your hotel and do whatever you want for the rest of the day.”, Hans, our driver, announced. Everyone agreed.

“Where’s did she go?”, i heard Bill ask. He sounded confused.

“Her bed, she’s taking a nap.”, Tom replied.

“What did you do now?”, Bill teased.

“Fuck off.”, Tom said back.

“Calm down.”, Georg said.

“Can we just go?”, Tom yelled up to the front of the bus at Hans.

I felt the bus start to move. I got under the covers. I was still very in love with Tom, and the way he was acting towards me hurt me so much. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I missed the way things were. I silently cried for a minute, I felt so stupid. He shouldn’t have this kind of effect on me. I hated crying. I felt like a baby. I fell asleep within a few minutes, trying to forget about what was happening.

I felt the bus come to a sharp stop. I blinked my eyes open. I could hear Tom and Bill arguing. I couldn’t see them because I was in the back of the bus, but whatever they were talking about, sounded serious. I stood up and walked over to the cracked door. They couldn’t see me, and I could only see a sliver of them.

Bill was standing up, lecturing Tom about something.

“If you like her, why don’t you just tell her??? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t fucking like her, just fuck off.”, Tom spat back at him.

“Yes you do! It’s obvious! You have since, forever! We can all see that you do. We also all see you treat her like she’s nothing, don’t you think that hurts her?”

“It is kind of obvious.”, Gustav trailed off. They were probably talking about one of the many girls Tom was leading on. He always did this. It didn’t surprise me.

“Shut up, Gustav. And so what if I do like her? How is that any of your business? I’m not going to jeopardize the band or anything else for that matter for some silly crush.”

“It’s not a silly crush, Tom. You’re in love with her.”, Bill said. It was silent.

My stomach dropped. So that’s why he’s been acting all weird. He’s in love with another girl. I couldn’t listen anymore. I stepped out the door and stretched, acting like I heard nothing.

Everyone’s eyes darted to me.

“Good morning, everyone! We are here?”, i said as cheerfully as possible. I wanted to play it off like I was completely fine and like the boy I’ve been in love with since I was seven wasnt in love with some other girl I didn’t even know.

“You just woke up?”, Georg asked. Everyone looked a little worried.

“Yea! Your guys’ fucking yelling woke me up so I figured you were probably arguing over the set list, of course you were dicks are deciding without me so I wanted to come and help choose.”, I laughed. Acting skills, on point. The band looked relieved.

“Well, if that’s over then let’s go get settled into the hotel.”. I suggested. Everyone nodded.

Hans went into the hotel lobby and got us checked in while we unpacked all of our stuff onto caddys. He came back, handed us our keys and told us our floor and room numbers. Georg and Gustav shared a room, as well as Bill and Tom. I had a room to myself, it had always been that way.

We took our stuff inside and went up the elevators into our hotel rooms. I unpacked my stuff pretty quickly before going over to Bill’s room to try and make plans for tonight.

I knocked on their door. Tom cracked it open and squinted his eyes at me before opening it all the way. I pushed past him but he grabbed me and pulled me back.

I furrowed my brows at him and tried to continue walking, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Can you not be so stubborn and just hear me out?”, he said. I stopped trying to get out of his grasp and crossed my arms over my body. I widened my eyes and shook my head a little, giving him a cue to start talking.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s with me lately, but you’re right, i havent really been myself.”

I sighed. I didn’t want him to feel bad, especially for loving another girl. It was rare that Tom genuinely liked someone, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.

“I know why, Tom. Its okay, I understand now. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something. I wont get so close to you anymore.”

He looked so confused.

“Wait what? What do you mean ‘uncomfortable’? And I never said I didn’t want you close to me? What are you talking about?”

“Tom, I know you. You’re like my bestfriend, its okay. You don’t have to keep secrets from me. And im not gonna be upset if you don’t want me to be as touchy and stuff with you. I wouldn’t want to do anything to affect your relationship or whatever you are deciding to call it.”

“What are you talking about?”, he asked. He was acting so shocked. Then Bill walked out of the bathroom. Since he clearly wasn’t comfortable with telling me about the girl he was in love with, I wasn’t going to push, so I changed the subject.

“Bill!”

“Oh, hi!”, he smiled, noticing me.

“I was thinking, what if we went to a club tonight?”

“OH MY GOSH, YES!!! please! I need to party, I’ve been so drained from always doing shows, that would be just what I need. you’d come too, right, Tom?”, Bill asked.

“Yea, I guess.”, Tom nonchalantly replied. He acted as if he was too good for that stuff.

“Go tell Georg and Gustav.”, Bill instructed.

“Why do I have to? Why can’t you?”, Tom complained.

“Because you know I take the longest to get ready! It’s getting late already so I’d like to leave sooner than later.”

“Ugh, fine.”, Tom said, rolling his eyes before leaving the room.

“What’s his deal?”, i asked.

Bill hesistated.

“Uhh, i dont know, he’s been weird. Tom will get over it soon though, don’t worry.”

“Oh, okay… it doesn’t have anything to do with me, right?”, i asked, trying to slyly investigate.

I saw Bill physically get taken aback.

“Uhhhhh no! No, I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”

“Uh i just feel like he’s been acting weird towards me I guess. We used to like jokingly flirt and be pretty close but we don’t ever really do that anymore and it feels kind of weird, but I think I know why.”

“Oh… and why is that?”

“He’s in love with somebody. I don’t know who, but it’s probably one of the girls he’s slept with. I think Tom just feels weird with me being how I used to be like with him because he is in love with her, y’know what I mean?”

“Wait-wait, where did you get this from?”, Bills mouth was agape.

“Don’t be mad but I heard you guys arguing on the bus. I heard only part of it. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, but obviously the rest of the guys know and Tom is refusing to tell me too. He doesn’t know I already know, but I don’t really understand what is stopping him from telling me.”

“Oh… I see.”, Bill said, contemplating his next words.

“I think he will tell you when he’s ready, I think he just wants you to approve of him and he thinks highly of you. I also think you make him a little nervous.”, he finally added.

“Me? Make Tom nervous? Funny, but no way.”, I laughed. Bill made a face and shrugged.

“Okay, I’m gonna go get ready, I’ll see you in like 45.”, I said, turning for the door.

“Wait!”

“Hm?”

“I have a question, answer honestly, please.”

“What is it Bill?”

“Do you have feelings for Tom?”

I could feel myself immediately get flustered and my cheeks start to get red. Fuck fuck fuck.

“What?”, i laughed awkwardly.

“Please, I’m your bestfriend, you can tell me if you do.”

“Why do you even think that? Tom is my best friend just like you are.”

“You aren’t denying it.”

“Bill, please.”

“Do you?”, he asked again.

I gave him pleading eyes, asking him to leave it alone.

“Bill…”

“You can tell me anything. I wouldn’t judge you at all.”, he placed his hands on my shoulders.

I sighed again. Even if I said I didn’t, I knew Bill wouldn’t believe me.

“Maybe?”, i scrunched my face up a bit.

Bill smiled.

“Why are you so happy?”, i asked, unclear on whatever was going on in his head.

“No reason…”

“Please, Bill. Don’t say anything to Tom. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, he means too much to me. And I don’t want to get in the way of his relationship with this girl.”

Bill smiled at me again. He shook his head.

“I promise I won’t. And if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about another girl.”

“I thought he loves her though?”

“Just dont worry about it, go get ready!! And look hot! Not that you don’t already, but go get more hot!”, he said pushing me to the door, a smile permanently engraved on his face.

“Bill- wait Bill-“I stuttered as he pushed me out the door.

“Hm?”

“Please, I’m serious. Don’t say anything.”

“I won’t. Boyscouts honor.”, he held two fingers in the air before slamming the door in my face. I was greeted by Tom leaning against the wall. I flinched, I hadn’t seen him because he was standing behind the open door. His arms were crossed over his chest.

“Jesus, fuck! You scared me.”, i yelled.

“Don’t say anything about what? What were you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“I hate when you keep secrets from me.”

“You’re one to talk.”, i replied, defensively.

“What? Was it about me? Are you embarrassed or something?”, he took a step closer to me, his face now adorned with a smug grin. I scoffed.

“Get over yourself, Tom. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Maybe not, but sometimes I begin to think you do.”, he teased.

I rolled my eyes and turned around to go to my hotel.

“Be ready soon!”, he called after me as i slammed the door.

Bill banged on my door, for the third time in the last five minutes.

“HURRY UPPPPP”, he groaned. I finished zipping up my shoe before opening the door. Bill looked annoyed but as soon as he saw me, his face lit up.

“Oh. My. God.”, he said, looking me up and down.

“You like?”, i asked, already knowing the answer. I was wearing a denim mini skirt that was way too short, a black lacy top that had long belle sleeves with a pretty cleavagey v-neck. It was cropped perfectly to display my belly button ring. I of course had a ton of jewellry on too, with a bit of makeup as well. I wore platform black boots that went up part of my calf. They were leather and I had been gifted them, but I rarely got the chance to wear them.

“Obviously!”, bill exclaimed.

I walked out to see the rest of the band waiting in the hallway. They all looked a little shocked when they saw my outfit. I usually didn’t dress-up too much, mainly because I didn’t have the confidence to do so. I decided to just let go and have fun tonight.

I walked past them and they just stood there. I clicked the button for the elevator and looked back at them down the hallway.

“Are you guys coming or…?”

They scurried down the hallway and got into the lift with me. We decided to go to a club that was only two blocks away. It was a pretty popular club, and we usually got into most clubs that we tried to because of our status in Germany. The bouncer recognized us and let us skip the line. Perks of being semi-famous I guess.

The music was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. Bill grabbed my hand to pull me away and get drinks. I turned away and grabbed Tom’s hand, dragging him along with us. At first he just let me hold his hand, but then he held it back, letting Bill and I lead him through the crowd of drunk people.

Bill ordered us all shots. Tom watched as i downed mine, and drank his not long after. Bill snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me away to the dance floor. We danced for a little before some random girl took it upon herself to steal him away. I couldn’t really blame her though. I danced by myself for a little but got bored and decided I wanted another drink. I made my way over to the bar and ordered a drink I saw another girl have. I began to drink it slowly, looking around. I made eye contact with a guy. He was by himself, looking me up and down. He smiled and i smiled back. He had to be at least 22. He approached me and asked if he could buy me a drink, despite me not even being close to the one i just got myself. I told him that if he wanted to, he had to dance with me first. He agreed, and we went over to crowd of dancing bodies.

At first, it started pretty innocent. Just giggling, drinking, and dancing. He started to get touchy, putting his hands on my waist. He had them slowly go from my waist, downwards. I would pull away whenever he got to close to the one thing he wanted, but no matter how many times I pulled away, he would always try to do it again. I looked over and was met with Tom’s eyes. They were staring at me, a sort of gross look on his face. Was he really that disgusted by me?

“can I get you that drink now?”, he winked. I internally cringed but said yes. Free drinks? Fine by me. He ordered me something, but nothing for himself. As soon as the drink was in my hand, he was urging and pressuring me to drink if. I did. Another drink, same deal. I downed the drink, wanting him to just leave me alone about it. Even though I told him not to, he ordered another drink. I tried to push it away, but he kept pushing it towards me. Finally, he put the drink down. I tried to back up, but he pulled me into a sloppy kiss that I wanted no part of. I tried to push him off but he was too strong, or maybe I was just to tipsy.

“get off of me.”

“please, stop”

but he wouldn’t.

“I don’t want this-“, i started, yet another plea for him to stop. a pair of hands yanked me back. before i could even see who it was, I saw Tom step in front of me and push that guy into the bar counter.

“She told you to get off her you fucking pervert. Is getting girls drunk enough so they hook up with you your only hobby. Pathetic.”, he spat. The guy looked like he wanted to say something back, or fight Tom, but he just cursed under his breath and stumbled away. I felt embarrassed. I shouldn’t have let myself get in that situation.

“Thank you.”, i mumbled to Tom. He shook his head.

“Just stop. You’re really fucking stupid sometimes y’know? Putting yourself in dumb situations like that.”, he rolled his eyes as he walked away. I wasn’t going to let him be that rude and just walk away, so I followed him. I watched as he weaved through people. I followed hom, but not to closely. I saw him open a door and go in before practically slamming it. It was too loud for anyone to even notice. I waited a minute before going into the door as well. There were a few flight of stairs. I climbed up them. I had finally made it to the top. I opened the door. The roof.

The cold air hit my face as I stepped out, the smell of cigarette smoke filling my senses. I saw Tom, standing towards the edge of the building, smoking as he looked out at the city. I began to walk over to him. The gravel crunched underneath my boots, making him turn around.

“What the fuck is your problem to me? You’ve been such a dick and I haven’t even done anything. I just want for things to be normal.”, i said, angered.

“They aren’t normal.”, he said, taking a puff of his cig.

“And how is that in any way my fault? I haven’t done anything to you, yet you are treating me like shit. You loving some girl doesn’t mean you can act like that, it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“It has EVERYTHING to do with you!”, he shouted.

“What the fuck did I do?! I don’t understand what I did to make you despise me so much! Why do you hate me so much?!”, I yelled back.

“I don’t hate you, I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot!”, he yelled. His eyes widened at his own words.

I was so confused. It didn’t feel real. I could barely comprehend what he had just said.

“What?”, was all I could manage to say. He looked so nervous, his hands shaking.

“I’m fucking in love with you, okay?? I have been ever since I’ve known you. I’ve tried to push it away, I’ve always denied it, but i cant anymore. I’ve tried everything and I can’t! I’ve slept with countless girls but the only thing I’ve ever been able to think about is you. You’re always on my mind and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get you out of my head. I’ve been being mean to try and distance you from me and make myself stop loving you but it’s fucking torture and it’s stupid and it hasn’t even worked in the slightest. Bill told me you heard us on the bus, it wasn’t some girl, we were talking about you. Its you, and it always has been. I feel sick when I see you with other guys, I get so jealous I can barely handle it. All I’ve ever wanted is you, and not having you is killing me. I’m sick and tired of pretending like I don’t love you because I do! Hate is the last thing on this earth that I feel about you. I love you so fucking much, and I’m sorry for treating you the way I have been.”, he yelled.

I could hardly believe anything I was hearing. Tom Kaulitz? In love with me? This is a prank, right? It felt like a dream.

“Are you serious?”, i asked.

“Really? After that long ass rant or about loving you, you don’t believe me?”, he dryly laughed.

“Tom, im serious, please…”

“Yes, I’ve never been more sure on something in my entire life.”

“Why now? Why haven’t you said anything?”, I asked, still unsure.

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how to. We would flirt, but you always took it as a joke. I wasn’t joking. I loved you so much as a friend too, I was scared that if I told you, I would lose you. i also hate talking about my feelings and shit, i feel so stupid whenever I do.”

Part of me was still processing everything. Boy I had been in love with forever, loved me back. In the exact same way I loved him, he loved me. I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“fuck it, i love you too. I’ve been in love with you since we were like eight, and I never said anything because I thought I had no chance with you and I didn’t want to make things weird. The only thing I wanted was for you to stay my friend and for you to like me. When you started acting like you didn’t, I felt horrible and I felt like there was no hope for anything for us. I acted like I didn’t feel anything for you because all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. Even if it meant you being with someone else. I love you, Tom.”, I rambled.

He closed the distance between us. He placed his hands on each side of my jaw, his thumbs slowly caressing my cheeks. I could feel myself get goosebumps, staring up into his dark eyes.

“you were going to let me be with someone else so I could be happy? even if it meant you weren’t?”, he softly asked. I nodded.

“what did I ever do to deserve someone so sweet liek you?”, he murmured. His eyes glanced down at my lips. He took one of his thumbs and pulled it across my bottom lip, tugging down at it gently.

“God, you don’t even know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.”

“How long?”

He laughed.

“Forever. I want to kiss you now more than ever.”

“Prove it.”

He chuckled at my boldness. Tom leaned in, our noses brushing against each other. I couldn’t stand the teasing anymore, I had waited too long. I dipped his face and pulled him down. Tom, smiling into the kiss at my neediness. It was so passionate, I could kiss his mmm forever. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces. I pulled him in more, unsure if he was even able to get any closer than he already was. he tasted like Marlboro Reds and liquor. I loved it, I couldn’t get enough of him. One of his hands found its way down to my waist, while the other one tangled itself in my hair. He tugged ever so slightly, earning a soft groan from me. Tom smiled at this, getting the exact reaction he wanted. He pulled away, our foreheads resting against each other.

“fuck, you look so pretty. I wanted to tell you how good you looked earlier tonight but i was too scared.”, he mumbled. I smiled, the sweetness that I had missed was returning to Tom. I pulled him back into another kiss, the first one being incredibly addicting. Our tongues fought for dominance, of course he won.

The door to the roof swung open, startling both Tom and I. We attempted to pull away, but I before I could even see who it was, I heard Bill’s voice.

“I was looking for you guy- OH MY GOD.”, he said, a little shocked. his face quickly turned into a smile.

“What took you guys so long?”, he teased.

“Oh shut up.”, Tom laughed, his hand now around my waist.

“Well, I ordered us some more shots, so… c’mon. you guys can finish whatever this is later.”, he smiled, waking back into the building.

“let’s go inside.”, i said.

Tom kissed me again, this time with the full intent of being sweet and gentle.

“it feels weird to say out loud now, but I love you.”, he said into my ear. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I looked back up to him, seeing the very boy that i fell in love with all those years ago.

“I love you, too.”

a/n #2 ~ THIS WAS SO LONG IM SORRY. also sorry for this taking so long the first one I wrote DELETED😕 I’m on vacation right now but I hope you guys enjoyed this long ass story.

#bill kaulitz #tokio hotel #tokio hotel fanfic #tokio hotel fluff #tokio hotel x reader #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz fanfic #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz angst #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz smut #tokio hotel imagine #tokio hotel bill kaulitz

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thedvilsinthedetails · 5 months

Text

Heyyyy…

hey my name is Jamie I’m genderfluid as fuck [they/she/he or whatever idegafatp]

some typa aroace spectrum probs demisexual & demiromantic also pan - in general I have nothing figured out

so a simp w like a slight preference for men ig but kinda ace most of the time but sometimes very not

neurospicy bitch

minor but adults can follow/interact idc tbh

writing request status: OPEN FOR MICROFICS RN

I’m a rosekiller loverrr but also a multi shipper so u never know what ur gonna see ig [but probably Rosekiller, Wolfstar, Dorlene, Starchaser maybe some sunkiller if I’m in the mood etc] for the record just bc I don’t ship smth doesn’t mean I support hating it even as a joke [translation: prongsfoot is chill leave them be]

if u don’t like smth, just ignore it, if u send me hate I’ll reply w shitty jokes probs

Media I like:

Fav TV stuff: Challengers, Gravity Falls, Cruella, 10 things I hate about you, into the spiderverse

Fav author is @neil-gaiman also that man is my idol so I’ll probs reblog him a shit ton [do u think he’ll like…mind that I tagged him? Sorry if this bothered u Neil!!!] Music [uhhh changes all the time tbh but for rn]: The Neighbourhood, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray [Kid Krow phase rn], Chappell Roan, Renée Rapp, Green day, Ricky Montgomery, NOAHFINNCE, MARINA and Hozier

Spider-Man. Fucking love Spider-Man.

One thing to note about me tho: obvi I love recommendations but I find starting literally any new forms of media really fucking daunting for no reason [this is everything: songs, movies, books etc]

e.g. I fucking love spider verse but I still haven’t watched movie 2, same w latest season of young royals, same with even like ONE song alone I find it rlly hard and really scary

so if u give me recommendations and I don’t get back to u about them for ages it’s not bc I forgot or i was ignoring u but bc I find it scary so pls be patient :)

also same w please don’t like assume I’m knowledgeable about like any of the music artists I named earlier bc tbh I don’t rlly listen to artists I listen to songs [im still a fan of a lot of music artists ofc but the artists I listen to ≠ the artists I’m a fan of]

HI! welcome to my crazy blog, I love making friends im not at all scary I promise :D

Btw my inbox is ALWAYS open for spam, ship ramblings [even if it’s not smth I ship], info dropping about ur hyperfixations, venting, questions etc. [the only thing is no illegal ships bc it will be ignored] also sorry pre warning im shit with the inbox chains [‘send this to ten people who…’] so often I won’t answer those sorry, anything else I will make sure to answer but the chains I sometimes just forget about sorryyy

Barty Crouch Jr & James Potter kinnie

got a FAT crush on Evan Rosier [he’s the loml he just doesn’t know it yet] and also a crush on Dorcas Meadowes

I write sometimes:

I fell for you like glitter on stage - rosekiller band au, this was a microfic series on tumblr that I posted on ao3 for convenience [words: 4548] [this is my fav thing I’ve ever written lol]

we are all just prisoners here of our own device - Jegulus, a oneshot on ao3 based on the song ‘hotel California’ by the eagles. [Words: 6162]

Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins? - ON HIATUS. Roman Empire Jegulus au with side Rosekiller, Wolfstar and Pandalily on ao3 [words: 6141] [currently I don’t want to write Jegulus - the hyperfixation hath faded]

also I’m in a marauders RP as Barty and u shld follow it bc we’re all super cool and funny and amazing and awesome and yeah @bartythebabygorljr

tags you’ll see on my page:

me and my old black biro > writing tag

Im in love with that Rosier boy > [this is a new one] me having a massive crush on Evan Rosier

the most boring soap opera > my life tag

I have an online diary called @miseryoforpheus if ur fascinated by my charming and irresistible personality

[The song at the bottom of my intro post changes all the time depending on how I’m feeling]

THIS BLOG SUPPORTS PALESTINE

THIS BLOG STANDS WITH UKRAINE

THIS BLOG THINKS JK ROWLING HAS A NEGATIVE QUANTITY OF BRAINCELLS

#intro post #new intro post bc my last one was kind of shitty #rosekiller #marauders #slytherin skittles #Spotify

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judeswhore · 8 months

Note

Idk if this is what you’re looking for but I have an idea based off a prompt I saw a while ago “they were right about what they told me about you” in combination with my own delusional/self-sabotaging ass 🧎🏻‍♀️.

But I was thinking reader sometimes gets insecure, not necessarily about herself, but the fact that she’s dating someone so famous.

Like she can usually keep it controlled but this time she sees something online (it can be a tweet like someone random saying “I know Jude is cheating on [reader]” like yk those people who swear they know celebrities’ relationships 😒) or someone saying he’d look better with someone else or like a picture of him hugging another girl, but it’s not really anything.

And she gets jealous and starts an argument seemingly for no reason and he’s just like “Wtf?” Or maybe she tries to break up with him because she doesn’t want to burden him with her feelings. Idk you can choose or if you don’t like the idea feel free to scrap it! Also sorry for this being so long.

don’t apologise at all and thank u for sending this in!!! i love the whole trying to break up w him idea bc after seeing everyone’s comments u feel like it’s better to get it over with and save urself some dignity if u do it urself. so you’ve been on a bit of a deep dive of looking at comments people have made abt ur relationship and it’s clear a lot of fans don’t really like u (it’s literally just bc they can’t have jude) and it’s just got u so down and jude can tell the second he sees u that night. he’s asking what’s wrong and ur acting all unbothered, shrugging and avoiding his gaze, pulling back from him when he goes to touch u and being all “nothing. i just.. i think we should break up” and he’s staring at u all??? bc where is this coming from??? you’d literally been planning a holiday together the night before. ur going on like “idk it’s just clear that u can do better y’know? i’ve seen the other girls you’ve been with, i’ve seen their lifestyles and that’s not me. i think we should just quit while we can” and he’s honestly so confused and looks u straight in the eye telling u “we’re not breaking up” and he just knows u so well that he’s following it up with “and i’m not letting u break up with me bc you’ve got it in ur head that i deserve more or whatever. u don’t get to decide what i deserve, that’s not up to u” he’s just sitting u down and telling u how he wants u and he doesn’t care what other people say or think he chose u bc he loves u and that’s not gna change. and the way he’s being so soft and sweet with u has u crying and he’s just pulling u into a hug, stroking ur hair and kissing ur head

#hey jude :)

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dirtybitfic · 4 months

Text

RAVE

Chris sturniolo x fem reader

(Story line- you go to a rave and someone kissed you but something happens after the kiss and you bump into your celebrity crush Chris sturniolo as your spiraling.)

Contains- drugs, throwing up, flirting and kissing

Pink-you

Orange-Chris

Red-your best-friend

Purple-Nick

Blue-Matt

Green- the guy you end up kissing and anyone else at the rave who compliments you and shit.

You and your bestfriend had dreamed of going to a rave for years but you never managed to actually get tickets but this year you got lucky and got tickets for your dream rave .

ELECTRIC FOREST .

You had rented an air bnb kind of close to the festival cause camping did not sound appealing to either of you.

You had just gotten ready and decided that walking to the festival would be better than trying to get an Uber.

(Your outfit)

(Your bestfriends)

You both grab your phones and lock up before starting your 10 minute walk to the festival.

Oh my god I can’t believe we’re finally going to electric forest

Literally we’ve been dreaming of it for so long

Like the lights …the music …in the woods is gonna be beautiful

A spiritual experience for sure

We just gotta be careful you know some people slip shit into peoples drinks without them knowing

Yeah I know kinda scary but I’m only buying water with a cap no one is getting anything in there

Smart I honestly don’t even wanna drink I wanna fully be in the experience

Yeah same I wanna be fully in control of my body for this shit

God how much longer do we have until we reach the gates these shoes are kinda hurting

Uhhh only like 5 more minutes

Thank god

Yeah I didn’t really think about my shoe choice either

You finally reach the gates and show your wrist bands as they check the fanny pack your friend brought just so you could store your phones safely and then walked through the metal detectors. Once you were in you followed the path as the music got louder and the lights got brighter.

OH MY GOD

THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL

WERE HERE WERE ACTUALLY HERE

I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT

As you guys kept walking people were roaming around talking going to the bathroom area and grabbing drinks

hey you wanna grab waters then head up to the big stage

yeah sounds good to me

You both went to buy water then made your way to the stage .

Hey I love your outfits

Thank you so much you look amazing I love your outfit so much

Thank youuu

Of course have a good time

You too

As you both approached the stage the lights went crazy as

Was playing.

Oh my god this song is good

Right brings me back to like middle school dude

Real as fuck let’s get into the crowd deeper

You both held hands tightly as you weaved through groups of people dancing around having a good time

You wanna go up further or go like middle crowd

Let’s get up further closer to the large tree line

Okay

You both got to the area you wanted to be and just started dancing around having fun with each other to some more songs .

Was playing as you both held onto each other laughing and dancing all over each other

You guys look great like those outfits wow a deep voice says from behind

You both turn to look at who said it . THE HOTEST MAN YOUVE BOTH EVER SEEN In YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. He had tattoos all over his neck ,chest and arms . He was GORGEOUS.

Thank you so much ! I love your tattoos by the way

Oh shit thank you I did most of them myself my friend who’s here with me did a good amount of them too

Wow you guys are talented. Are you a tattoo artist

Yeah we own a shop in new York

That’s so cool

Yeah it’s pretty fun he says smiling at you

So where is this friend your here with

He was following me he’s gotta be close

As he says that another super hot guy comes behind him

Hey man sorry I got caught in a big group and lost you

Nah your good man

So who are these lovely lady’s

Oh I’m y/n you say

I’m bf/n

Nice too meet you guys I’m John . I hope blain wasn’t annoying you guys he says smirking over at his friend.

Oh no not all

Would you guys care if we hung with you guys

Not at all the more the merrier you say smiling at him

He comes closer to you as his friend goes over to your bestfriend.

Blain wraps his arms around your waist from behind causing you to smile .

Is this okay

Yeah of course I don’t mind at all

You look over at your best-friend who is talking to blains friend smiling having a good time.

Starts playing as you and blain sway to the music you rest your head back on his chest.

Your both a little sweaty from how hot the June air is but it’s nice .

This song is so pretty you say looking back over your shoulder and up at Blaine

Yeah it is . I like the way you described it

Yeah it’s like cool but it’s just feels pretty

I get what you mean he says smiling down at you making you smile then look back up at the stage and lights

These lights are so fucking cool he says in your ear

You shudder a little from his breathe fanning your neck and his deep voice echoing through your ear

I know right it’s one of my favorite parts of a festival especially the glitter lights you say

Starts playing as you both continue fluidly swaying to the music as you look up the sky as a nice breeze blows over you .

Blaine spins you around to look at him as he grabs your waist and pulls you closer.

He’s significantly taller even on the shoes your wearing causing you to have to look up at him.

He smiles down at you as he lowers his face slowly til his mouth is at your ear.

Is playing as you feel his breathe hit your ear causing you to shiver a bit.

You are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen y/n

T-thank you Blaine you say getting week in the knees a bit from how close he is to you

He lifts his face a bit as he grabs his water taking a sip .

You look over at your friend to see her dancing with his friend watching the stage.

You look back at Blaine as he smiles at you and grabs your face bringing his closer.

His lips meet yours as you close your eyes and lean into the kiss immediately kissing back .

He slips his tongue in your mouth deepening the kiss . As your making out you swallow feeling something go down your throat but write it off as your mouth being dry .

He pulls away smiling down at you .

You smile at him as you spin back around too look back at the stage

Is playing as you bop your head to the beat.

Hey I’m gonna run to the bathroom

Okay sounds good

He walks over to his friend saying he’s going to the bathroom I’m guessing he had to go to so they both walk off .

Your best-friend comes back over to you smiling wide at you

I saw that kiss giiiirl they are so hot

I know right like damn also uh my mouth is dry and I need more water

Alright want me to come with

No no stay here have fun it shouldn’t take me too long I’ll just take my phone if I need you I’ll text you

Okay just be safe

I will love you be back in a sec

Love you too

You start walking through the crowd and back down the path through the trees to the drink areas

Playing as you make you walk.

Your head starts to feel fuzzy and your eyes have a hard time focusing causing you to stumble and fall into a hard object .

Whoever they are catches you

Wow you okay

I… um I don’t know you say trying to focus your eyes as you stand back up on wobbly legs

You definitely don’t look okay I mean that in the nicest way your eyes just look really weird

Y-yeah I can’t get them to focus I’m sorry for falling into you I don’t feel so normal right now

I’m sorry to ask but um did you take something

Hell no I would never ever take drugs

Your eyes finally start to focus but your limbs still feel heavy.

Did you by any chance kiss someone the guy asks causing you too look at his face causing your eyes to get wide

Did I just fall into . CHRIS STURNIOLO.you say in your head slightly still disoriented maybe you were seeing things.

I… um why would that matter

You say as you stare at him. Nope that’s definitely Chris sturniolo.

People will put pills on their tongue then kiss someone and let it go into their mouth . Pretty much drugging someone without them knowing

WHAT THE FUCK you accidentally yell In His face

S-sorry i didn’t mean to yell in your face

No your okay . But I’m guessing from that reaction you did kiss someone

Y-yeah I did but now that I think about it I felt something weird in my throat but I thought it was just my mouth being dry . Fuck how could I be so stupid

Hey hey your not stupid people are really sneaky about it it’s not your fault

It’s my fault that I’m such a whore for kissing a random guy without even thinking twice about it you say slapping your hand on your head disappointed by yourself

He grabs your hand taking it off your head

Well he was definitely hot wasn’t he he said laughing a little

Causing you to smile and laugh

Yeah sadly he was

I’m sorry he did that too you that’s really fucked up

Yeah I know how can people do that to someone else like drugs are dangerous I don’t even know what I am on right now

You say looking into his eyes . God is he beautiful through a screen but in person GOD DAMN .

Honestly it’s probably Molly or ecstasy that’s what most people bring to festivals

Fuck me dude this is bad you say starting to freak out . The last thing you expected is to be drugged your first night at the festival then stumble upon your fucking celebrity crush who has voiced he doesn’t like drugs causing you to be even more anxious knowing that this will be the way he remembers you . The drugged out girl who ran into him and waisted his night .

Where were you headed

Ummm … water I was going to get water

Okay come with me I’ll take you to get some water but uuuh… he stops talking

But what you say a bit confused

You wanna try and throw up before it fully gets in your system?

Actually that’s a good idea

Yeah okay I’ll hold your hair back but this way the trip might not come at all or at-least not as bad

Ugh Fuck okay I’m so sorry this is probably not how you wanted your night to go

No don’t apologize you definitely didn’t want your night to end up like this

No definitely not

You slowly bend over as he holds your hair back

You try pushing your fingers down your throat to make yourself throw up but it doesn’t work your fingers didn’t get deep enough .

Fuck it’s not working you say getting anxious you won’t be able to throw it up

Fuck okay try one more time for me

Mmm okay you breathe out

You try again but all it does is make your eyes water .

Fuck I can’t get deep enough . My gag reflex is barely there in the first place you say as you stand back up him still holding onto your hair

You look up at him as he looks down at you with a face you can’t read .

Okay what if I you know stick my fingers down your throat. I know that’s weird but my fingers are longer it might be the only way to get it out of your system

Oh Jesus are you sure that’s like really nasty

I’m sure I care more about you getting it out of your system then me having to stick my fingers in your mouth

Okay fine I’m sorry again this is so embarrassing

No it’s not trust me it could be way worse

Yeah your right

You bend back over as he brings his finger to you lips . You pause . Chris fucking sturniolo your celebrity crush is literally about to stick his fingers down your throat . How is this my life right now you thought .

Sweetheart you gotta open your mouth for this to work he chuckles slightly

Oh Fuck I’m sorry

You open your mouth as he slides his fingers down your throat hitting the back causing you to cough and gag on his fingers . He pulls them out as he hears you gag more .

Jesus how did you not throw up I was touching your uvula

Fuck idk maybe go deeper as deep as you can go

open back up he says causing you to laugh

Oh come on now is not the time to have a dirty mind

Sorry I’m sorry you say still laughing a bit . You look at him his face stern as his fingers move to your lips .

You look back at the ground as you open your mouth . He shoves his fingers deeper hitting the right spot as you throw up . He pulls his fingers out and that hand moves to your back rubbing softly as you get it out of your system.

That’s it’s let it out

You have tears running down your face as you gag and cough until your finally done and everything is definitely out of your system .

Your body and hands shaking a bit as you stand up and wipe your mouth .

I’m so sorry that was so disgusting

Again with the sorry . You don’t have to apologize to me about this really it’s okay

He moves his hand to your face as he rubs the tears away with his thumbs.

You smile slightly as the sweet gesture causing him to smile at you .

What he asks looking into your eyes

Nothing your just a really sweet person

Well thanks but let’s go get you that water and maybe something to eat since you just threw up everything you had all day .

yeah im really shake right now

I can see that he says laughing a little at you

hey don't laugh at me you say feeling still a bit embarrassed by the entire interaction you guys are having.

sorry sorry but come on you can hold onto my arm if you need to stay stable

you hold onto his arm as you both walk side by side slowly to the drink area.

so what's your name

y/n

nice to meet you y/n im chris

oh uhh yeah I know

oh ... you do

yeah ive watched your YouTube videos before you say awkwardly hoping that doesn't make him uncomfortable

he pauses walking

im sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable

no no it doesn't just uhh awkward I just stuck my fingers down a fans throat he adds an awkward chuckle after

I mean I wouldn't call myself a fan tbh just someone who stumbles upon your videos sometimes for a good laugh

I get what you mean by that to be honest

im glad you do I don't want you thinking im like a crazy mega fan

honestly I don't think a crazy fan would act so chill in this situation he says as he starts walking again pulling you along with him.

yeah true honestly they would probably stutter and cry

yeah probably

you both laugh as you finally reach the drink stand

here sit down ill grab the stuff alright

oh no I cant let you pay for my stuff

no seriously its no problem just sit down

alright

you sit down as he grabs some waters and food them comes back over to you sitting next to you at the table

here you go hopefully it will make you feel a little less sick

thank you Chris seriously

of course he says with a smile

im glad you were the person I bumped into

oh yeah and why is that

honestly no-one would have even tried to help me get it out of my system or even been nice enough to notice something was wrong

yeah I guess your right about that most people would have just kept walking

you both are sharing fries he had gotten as you just share glances here and there.

so are you here alone or with people

im here with my best friend

ahh I see why didn't she come to get water with you

I told her to stay back I thought I was fine just had a dry throat

rookie mistake huh

Maybe but I wouldn't have met you so maybe it wasn't so bad she didn't come with me

he just looked at you smiling rolling his eyes playfully

so who did you come with

nick and matt and a couple other people

oh fun honestly im a little shocked raves don't really seem like your type of crowd

I mean I guess not but a brand sent us all here for promotions of their clothes that we have to wear every night so you know we thought why not

damn that's so cool ive dreamed of coming to this rave for years

so this is your type of thing

yeah I love raves and concert their like my happy place

yeah I get that music is one of my favorite things

yeah I don't know how life would be if music didn't exist

life would suck everyday would be dull and boring

I always like to say that music brings color to the world . I don't know if that makes sense but ... you look over at him seeing he's already staring at you . his eyes are soft and the smile on his face makes your breathe catch . he's looking at you with such love it makes you nervous.

w-what did I sound dumb

no that was just ... such a beautiful way to put it. I like the way you think

oh thank you you say as your checks flush pink from his compliment

no problem

I should probably call my friend ive been gone for a while I don't want her to freak out

yeah that's probably a good idea

you call your bestfriend

Hey are you okay you've been gone for a while

yeah im okay but um are Blaine and his friend back with you

ummm yeah why

you know how we kissed earlier

girl yeah obviously he was practically eating your face

yeah well um... he had a pill in his mouth and when we kissed he put it in mine and drugged me

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N ARE YOU OKAY NEED ME TO COME FIND YOU

no no im safe actually um I ran into someone... he helped me get it out of my system and we grabbed water and food

mmm okay why did you sound so weird when you said someone

ill give you a hint okay ummmm cc

girl wtf is this Morris code how could I ever guess what ccmeans

oh my god okay guy who ive showed you before

OH CELEBRITY CRUSH

yeah bitch Jesus I feel like that was an easy guess

no it fucking wasn't

alright whatever anyways yeah that's where I am right now

so your telling me you are sitting ... with Chris sturiolo because you casually bumped into him as you slowly started tripping

yeah pretty much that's exactly what happened

you have insane luck I swear to god

I know right what are the odds

so how are you feeling as of right now

still weird my limbs are heavy my eyes keep loosing focus and my brain feels foggy

any other feelings im just trynna figure out what it could have been that he uh you know

I don't know like what do you mean

well Molly makes you insanely horny so is that a feeling your having at all

ummm I don't think so but who knows if however much made it into my system has hit yet

I feel like you'd feel that by now so we can count that out . what about like your vision you been seeing things like weird shapes and colors

nope

fuck then idk maybe it did all get out of your system fast enough

yeah maybe hopefully that's the case

yeah lets hope so ... so im guessing you puked it up

yeah his idea of course

hes smart

I know right I would be tripping balls right now if I didn't run into him so praise the lords for him

for real but omg you threw up in front of your celebrity crush

don't remind me like how embarrassing is that and that's not even the worst part dude

how could it get more embarrassing

oh idk maybe the fact that I couldn't do it myself sooo

nooo y/n tell your joking he did not

yep sure fucking did

wow just wow

yeah not so pleasant but um im gonna finish off this food hopefully ill stop shaking soon and then ill head back to you but maybe move away from Blaine and his friend I don't want so be around him at all after what he did

oh girl I already moved the second you said he drugged you im closer to the middle now by the vip area

okay ill try my best to find you ill see you in a bit

okay just please be safe and no more kissing strangers

trust me im not planning on it

alright love you just look for the big pink bubble looking thing and im right bye that

okay big pink bubble thing got it love you bye

you hang up and look back over at chris

all good with her

yep she moved spots so that will be super fun trying to find her

don't worry ill help you im actually in the vip pink bubble thing so I know exactly where that is

oh thank god

you wanna head back to the stage or are you still shaky

im still super shaky and feeling really hot actually

really it doesn't feel that hot its cooled down a bit from earlier

really

yeah it like 48 degrees right now

shit I feel like its 100 degrees

y/n look at me

what why

just look at me

you look over at him his eyes widen as he looks at you eyes

wh-what why are you looking at me like that

your pupils are blown

fuck we didn't get it out of my system fast enough

judging by your eyes and the fact you feel hot and shaky probably not

fuck me this is bad like really bad

lets get back to your friend before it really hits and shit hits the fan

okay good idea

you both get up and start your walk back to the stage and crowd

as your walking back you start to stumble as your vision blurs

shit y/n you good

mmm y-yeah just my vision is a little blurry right now

come here he says as he pulls you closer

fuck your skin feels really hot

yeah tell me about it

he spins you around to face him .

you look up at him as his eyes move around your face with a slightly worried expression.

he moves his hands to your waist holding you tightly as you slightly started to lean back on uneven legs

you look into his eyes. Then study his facial features and the feel of his hands on your waist as your mind goes back to his fingers shoved in your mouth.

A wave of butterflies goes through your stomach as waves of heat flood your lower half.

fuck . I think it was definitely Molly .You thought as you started to feel the effects

why are you looking at me like that

like what you slur out

like you wanna eat me alive

w-what I wasn't

yes you were

im sorry I didn't mean to I just ummm I think its kicking in

what are you feeling

trust me you don't want to know

yeah I do he says as he brings his face closer to yours.

your breathing gets heavier .

lets just say .. it was definitely molly

oh ... OH uhhh well then

like I said you didn't wanna know

well at least now we know what type of trip your having .What type of asshole gives a girl Molly at a rave

I don't know but we all know what Molly does to people maybe he was trying to get me hot and bothered but that's fucked up . why give a girl drugs for that

there's definitely easier ways to get that effect that drugging a girl

Yeah like his tattoos were working well enough he could have I don’t know said things in my ear waited until the festival ended tonight and asked me to come back to his place

That is true I just don’t get guys like him

Me neither

You think your good to keep walking

Yep let’s just take it nice and slow my vision is crazy right now especially with the lights

Yeah your pupils are dilated as fuck probably making your sight super sensitive

Yeah your probability right you move to his side as he keeps an arm around your shoulder now keeping you close just incase you stumble again

Your mind wanders back to him holding your hair with his fingers down your throat as he spoke sweetly to you to let it out. Even though the actions were to help you puke your guts up . They were so dirty when you forgot about that detail .

What you thinking about he asks looking down at you smiling

Oh ummm nothing

No that pretty little mind was wandering I could tell by the smirk on your face

I wasn’t thinking was just looking ahead at the lights you try to play it off hoping he’d drop it . The last thing you want is to have to explain to him that the Molly is making your mind wander to his fingers in your mouth making you horny as a mother fucker.

Your lying to me right now

What Chris no I’m not just drop it

I’ll drop it for now but we’ll circle back later

You sigh and roll your eyes at him and you finally reach the crowd as the music is loud as ever and the lights are going crazy.

Was playing causing you to smile and look up at Chris

What you smiling for

I love this song

Yeah it’s pretty good

So where is this pink bubble bitch

Woah why are you calling me a bitch

No not you I wasn’t calling you a bitch I’m sorry

Your fine I’m only joking but it’s this way he says pulling you to the left

You start walking with him your limbs finally starting to move normally even though they still feel fuzzy.

Hey you stopped shaking and your skin isn’t as hot

Yeah but uhh all the other effects are still very much here

Mmm should I let go is that making it worse

No no your good I just gotta keep my mind on other things

Alright then he chuckles

Sorry that probably sounded weird I promise I wasn’t saying your hand on my waist was making me uh you know just uh

Your fine but you know if it was I would not be offended he says smirking down at you

Oh shut up you say smiling and playfully showing him a bit

I’m kidding he says making you look at him with a “you sure about that” expression

Okay maybe I wasn’t kidding but what were you smirking about earlier

Nope not telling you it’s gonna make this weird

Now you have to tell me that made me even more curious

Chrisss come on it’s to weird for me to say

I promise I won’t judge just tell me and we can blame it on the drugs if it’s that bad

Fuck ok fine I was… thinking about you having your fingers down my throat . You quietly said the last part from how weird it felt saying it out loud

Sorry what I couldn’t here you

I was thinking about your fingers down my throat okay there I said it . You cringed after saying it .

You look up at him as he stopped walking

I made it weird didn’t I

No you didn’t actually hate to say it but it was kinda hot even though you know the reason I did it wasn’t hot

Oh … well glad I’m not the only one

Mmm yeah come on let’s keep walking

So where are you and your friend staying

We’re staying at a house about a 10 minute walk from the gates

Wait you guys walked here he asks kinda shocked

Yeah it would have been an hour if we tried to drive or even get an Uber

Yeah I guess one luxury of being here with a brand is early access and they provide cars to take us . But how are your feet not killing you in those boots

Oh trust me they are . But I’m thuggin it out . And the drugs are making my limbs so tingly I can’t really feel my feet hurting so there’s that

Well I guess that’s one good outcome

Yeah I guess. Where are you guys staying

Oh a bigger house about 15 minutes out the neighborhood is cool . It’s got a cool fountain in the middle

Wait … a blue fountain

y-yeah

I think we’re in the same neighborhood then

What are the odds

Right crazy huh . Maybe this was fate you say laughing obviously joking

I don’t know maybe your right he says seriously

You look up at him a little dumbfounded by the sincerity in his voice

He looks down at you smiling giving you a small wink causing you to smile

Your eyes look crazy right now

Yeah I feel like I’m seeing everything through bright lenses right now

What is your friend wearing we’re getting close to the bubble maybe I can spot her

A white top with a long ish white skirt and like cool Pearl looking things all over it and her waist

Okay hum.. wait right there is that her

You follow where is hand is pointing .

Yes yeah that’s her

You both walk up to her

Hey bitch you yell as your approach her

Oh my god y/n how are you doing … oh god your eyes

Yeah yeah I know

And you must be the guy who helped her out thank you for taking care of her that’s was very kind of you

You looked at him smiling as he spoke

It was my pleasure you know she isn’t so bad

Haha funny but really Chris thank you . You were more than kind

Of course he says looking down at you smiling

your brothers are probably wandering where you are I know you should probably get back to them

oh I mean I was thinking of actually having them come to us ... unless you want me to leave

no no I wouldnt mind at all if you stayed

good cause to be honest I didn't want to

you both smiled at each other for what felt like hours but was only a minute

let me call them real quick

he calls them and tells them a small part of the story and for them to come meet up with us.

after a couple minutes you hear a couple voices coming from behind you .

you turn to see matt and nick walking up to Chris beside you

Yo Chris

Chris turns around

hey guys sorry I was gone for so long

hey it was for a good reason so its okay

facts well this is y/n and her friend ybf/n he gestures to you both

they look at you smiling you give a small wave and a smile saying hi

wow your outfits are amazing

aww thank you you look great the distressed looks on you and matt your mesh shirt is so cool

thank you they both same at the same time making you laugh a bit

so how you feeling Chris told us a bit about what happened

I feel okay I mean my eye sight is crazy right now but other than that im feeling better than before

that's good im glad you ran into Chris instead of someone else

was that a compliment orrrr

im just saying that out of all the people she could have fallen upon in her situation im glad it was you because you know we don't do drugs or drink so you were fully in your right mind unlike most people here

that is true

yeah I get what your saying

so what even happened with the guy that did this to you

uh I don't know ... ybf/n what did happen with them

oh dumb and dummer are probably still standing where I left them thinking were coming back to hang with them

damn poor guys how embarrassing for them

they can stand there all night for all I care

trust me if catch even a glimpse of the guy ill get violent

oh yeah what are you gonna do beat up a super muscular 6'5 man it came out a bit more sassy then you meant it causing matt and nick to look at you in shock and Chris to glare down at you

I-im sorry that came out more rude then I meant it

no its okay but yeah I would at least try and beat his ass

I wouldn't let you risk ruining that pretty face over him he's not worth the effort you say smiling at him

he smiles at you .

pretty face huh?

okay Christopher shut up

you all laugh as you guys stand around listening to the music playing .

you watch the light beams move around with the different tempos and bass drops

you decide to lean your head on chris's shoulder not even thinking about it.

he looks down at you smiling admiring the way you feel leaning against him and how fascinated you look by the show going on in-front of you all

don't you worry child started playing as you started to feel rain droplets fall on your skin.

it was about 2 am and you had forgotten there was a chance of rain but it made the experience so much better

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG

DUDE SAME

BRINGS ME BACK TO CHILDHOOD

ITS SUCH A GOOD SONG

everyone in the crowd is singing along it sounds so beautiful as the crowds voices blend together as the rain pours down.

the rain feels amazing

yeah ...oh god

he says looking at your face

w-what what's wrong you say scared something is wrong

no sorry just your mascara is running everywhere

oh fuck is it bad

kinda but here he says bringing his black shirt up to your face wiping at your face where the mascara had bled down

you hear an awww come from your left

you look over at nick who's smiling

sorry that was just cute i've never seen Chris act like this in-front of us

don't get used to it I wouldn't ruin my shirt for just anybody Chris says to nick . that brought a smile to your face . was he saying you were special. or Maybe you were just reading into it.

after about thirty minutes it was the end of the first night of the festival

god that was amazing I cant wait for tomorrow

I know right but we should start our walk back to the house

why don't we walk with you guys since were staying in the same neighborhood

yeah sure why not you say looking up at him smiling.

hey guys were gonna walk home since were all in the same neighborhood and Ubers are gonna take forever he says to his brothers

sounds good to me

how long is the walk

about like 10 minutes

oh that's not bad at all

yeah not too bad

you all start making your way through the wood path and out the gates starting your walk to the air bnb

after about two minutes your feet start to hurt really bad you really start to regret your shoes choices.

fuck dude my feet are on fire

those shoes are so cute but they don't look comfortable at all

yeah im fully regretting my choice of choosing them

Chris turns to you.

just hop on my back I got you

chris hahah no ill just take them off

and risk stepping on glass now way ...get on my back he says more in a demanding tone

chris no im too heavy ill just thug it out

he grabs you and throws you over his shoulder

too heavy my ass he says in a hushed sharp tone

everyone continues walking

chris come on put me down

nope

you smack his back repeatedly

calm down were almost to the neighborhood

ughhhh you groan out as you go limp knowing he's definitely not putting you down

you see matt take a video laughing

your arms just swinging is so funny oh my god

nick laughs as you flick them off jokingly

making them laugh harder

all the sudden chris sets you down as he sees your best friend start to walk up the drive way to malls house .

y'all go a head ill catch up.

mmmkayyy nick says as they start heading to their house.

so...

sooo...

would it be weird if I umm asked you to come back to ours for the night

i... ummm no not weird just uhhh

If you don't like me like that I get it he says a bit hurt but still smiling

no...no chris not that I was just gonna say I need to get these fucking shoes off and change

oh okay cool ill wait for you then

alright well come in for a bit it might take me a second

alright he says as he follows you up to the front door as you open it and let him in

make your self comfortable ill be as quick as I can

no no take your time no rush

he says taking a seat on the couch as you head up the stairs to your room.

you get your shoes off thank fucking god and then go and find some pajamas to throw on . The only thing is you only sleep in t shirts and underwear so you have no pants to wear.

welp...thats gonna be awkward you say as you head into the bathroom your best friend is in there taking off her makeup.

hey girl what's up

oh you know just getting ready ... to spend the night with chris

she turns jaw dropped at you

whattttt... he asked you to go back with him

yeeeep

damn girl... okayyy get it

like im excited but also... im gonna spend the fucking night with my celebrity crush what is this life dude

I don't know but I cant wait to hear about it tomorrow

she heads to bed since its around 3 am.

you finish taking off your makeup , change and do your skincare.

you go to your best friends room planning to ask her if she has shorts you can borrow for the night.

hey ybf/n

she's already knocked out .

fuck me is all you can think . you go to the drawers where she had unpacked her stuff and sorted through to see if she had any shorts and to your luck . she didn't.

fucking great you whisper to yourself as you go to your room grabbing some socks and slippers putting them on then grabbing your phone charger.

you slowly walk down the stairs trying to keep you shirt from riding up.

hey sorry it took me a while

no your good you ready

ummm yeah

he turns to look at you smiling as he looks you up and down .

you sure you didn't sound like you were

no yeah im ready I just um... I only sleep in a t-shirt and underwear so I have no pants to put on

no worries you can always borrow some sweats if you want

oh alright that sounds good

you say as you walk to the door opening it letting him out first then using your key to lock the front door.

you follow him as he walks further down the road.

hey you look really pretty without makeup on

you smile up at him.

t-thank you

of course he says as he throws his arm over your shoulder keeping you close to his side as you continue walking.

so you wanna watch a movie or something or are you really tired

we can definitely watch a movie I just cant promise ill stay awake the whole time

fair but sounds good to me

you reach a really pretty house and he walks up the drive way to the front door, he opens it and waves you to walk in and you do.

alright were gonna be on the third floor he says as he starts walking up the long spiral staircase .

you follow after him once you reach the third floor it opens up to a big room . it was definitely a renovated attic.

Chris walks over to the bed setting his phone down.

come sit down make your self comfortable i'm gonna run to the bathroom but here's my computer you can pull up Netflix, Hulu or prime video and pick anything. ill be back in a second

okay sounds good you say as you sit down and and type in prime video and start looking through for a movie.

You decide to put on The Visit since it looked good and waited for chris to come back.

the door opens and you look up thinking it was chris but it was matt.

oh hey y/n chris told me to bring these to you he says handing you sweatpants.

oh thank you you say getting up and taking them then slipping them on

they are freshly clean so be happy about that

you laugh lightly at that .

so you guys uhh seem to be getting along really well

yeah I don't think i've ever gotten this close with someone in one night

he hasn't brought a girl home since like uhhh honestly I don't know if he ever has so you must be special

oh god don't feed my delusions matt he's just being nice

nice... no he definitely likes you

you blush at that and you smile at him .

well thank you matt

no problem . im going to bed but tell chris I said good night when he gets back in here

I will goodnight

see you in the morning he says before heading out the door and back down the stairs.

after about 5 more minutes chris comes back up shirtless and in sweatpants hanging dangerously low showing his black Calvins band

you cant help but stair he's so attractive . but god his broad shoulders and collar bones have you drooling . His v-line though god that makes you clench your thighs together as unholy thoughts run through your head.

you good he asks with a smirk letting out a small chuckle.

y-yeah sorry

no need to apologize sweetheart he says as he walks over to get into the bed next to you

he settles into a comfortable position as you sit awkwardly on the opposite side of the bed

he looks over at you smiling.

come here he says as he puts his arm out and pats his side encouraging you to cuddle into him

you smile as you scoot into him and he puts his arm around your chest rubbing your right arm softly.

so what movie did you decide on

the visit

alright what genera is it

horror

oh god okay he says making you laugh

you don't like scary movies do you

they are not my favorite but its okay . it cant be that scary right?

nahhhh we'll be fine you say as you click play

after about 30 minutes into the movie you cuddle into chris a little more since the movie was scarier than expected. He holds you close since he's also creeped the fuck out.

it gets to a scene that is super scary causing you to hide your face in his chest as he hides his face in your hair.

after that scene was done chris looked down at you.

hey uhhh this movie is really scary can we stop watching it

yeah agreed turn this shit off

he immediately exits out of the movie and closes his lap top.

he puts it on the floor as you slide down the pillow to get more comfortable.

what should we do now he says turning towards you

uhhhhh I don't know

alriiight ummmm you hungry at all ...thirsty anything

actually I am kinda thirsty yeah

time to raid the kitchen come on he says pulling you out of the bed.

you both make your way down to the kitchen as he turns on the lights blinding the both of you.

Jesus Christ its so bright

he flips the lights back off and turns his phone flashlight on instead .

okay whatchu want we got dr.pepper, water, sweet tea, Pepsi, cherry coke uhhh

ill take a dr.pepper

coming right up he says before grabbing one from the fridge and bringing it to you

thank you

he cracks open his Pepsi as he turns to you smiling .

of course

you smile back and he maintains eye contact as he takes a sip of his drink.

you take a sip of yours then break eye contact.

wanna head back up to the room

yeah sure

he takes your hand as you walk back up the stairs back into his room.

he closes the door and you go to set your drink down on the bedside table and crawl back onto the bed.

he sets his drink down and lays back down on the bed getting comfy under the covers.

god they need to add a fan in here it so hot

yeah it really is

do you mind if I take the sweats off

no not at all get comfortable

you slip the pants off and throw them on the floor .

you look over at him seeing him looking at you with a small smirk

why are you looking at me like that

like what

like your scheming I can see it in your eyes

no no I was just admiring you

oh really? you say in a teasing tone

yeah your just so beautiful inside and out

you blush bringing your hands to your face.

stooop

he brings his hands to yours pulling them off your face

I mean it you really are beautiful

thank you chris you say as he leans closer to you

your breathe catches and he leans into your ear .

his breathe fanning your neck making you shiver

I really wanna kiss you right now

I would be okay with that you say

he comes up from your ear and leans down kissing you .

it was a sweet but hungry kiss.

he moved his hands to your sides pulling you closer and pulling your leg over his side as he caress your thigh causing you to let out a soft moan into his mouth .

he smiles into the kiss then pulls away his face still close to yours

you tired

eh not really you say smiling

good cause im about to do so many things to you he says as he brings his mouth down to your neck .

PART 2 COMING SOON ....

💋

#Spotify #fanfiction #chris sturniolo

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