#I'm here though. I did it

[secondbeatsongs]

well folks. I've done it

at long last, I have reached the end of the boops

#boop #boop-o-meter #boop o meter #tumblr #april fool's day #god. that was a lot of work #I'm here though. I did it #that's what I wanted #see you all later #also if my icon change doesn't make sense to you still #look in my #dreams #tag #you'll get there eventually #have a nice night y'all

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"See you tomorrow"

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]

#better drawn mdzs #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #mdzs au #Lan wangji #wei wuxian #yiling laozu #Happy Belated Halloween! #digital art #Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone. #I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen. #Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture. #Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now #Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen. #The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers. #My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene. #The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined. #It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change - #You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time #You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts- #You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember. #WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.

[shimmershy]

Chara Week Day 5: Ghost

Every time I see that machine in the True Lab, I wonder if it could possibly be Chara's soul in there? Probably unlikely, but not impossible... It's interesting to think about what the implications of that would be.

A version with no text and then a version with just the machine, because I think it looks pretty cool and ominous alone as well.....

#chara week #chara week 2023 #undertale #safeutdr #chara dreemurr #my art #chara #undertale chara #chara undertale #true lab #I'm just thinking that. while it's possible that their soul shattered when they and Asriel died. we don't actually KNOW what happened #and human souls persist for a little while after death..... idk I'm bad at coming up with theories but I'm Thinking about it #and I will continue thinking about it even though it's probably not significant at all #ANYWAY it gave me a cool art idea so here you go. and hrm. yes technically I got that line from the Stay Calm fnaf fansong. specifically. #i don't like fnaf but the song is cool........... I'm pretty sure it gave me the idea for this drawing when i sketched it last may #btw yeah that's why i did this drawing specifically for this prompt. i had the sketch lying around and thought it would be fun to finish #ALSO I'm realizing that the dark ominous backgrounds of the True Lab are soooo fun to draw. especially with red glowy effects #AUGH oh no....... my habit of rambling excessively in the tags is returning........ I'll stop now lol

[fictionadventurer]

Maybe the problem with Christian fiction is that it's non-denominational. People are just "Christian", with no effort put into showing what practicing that religion looks like for them specifically. No indication that there are other Christians who could have different beliefs. No wrestling with differing ideas and the struggle of how one should live out their Christian faith. And that makes it unrealistic and unrelatable.

#me reading any christian historical fiction set in england: why are none of these gentry anglican?? #they ARE all anglican and if they are not it is extremely plot and character relevant you can't just have them using evangelical buzzwords #but i'm also thinking of this because i started another charlotte yonge book #that is by far my favorite of the things of hers that i've read #because it has characters who have different upbringings and religious opinions #instead of just 'here's a bunch of high church anglicans judging people who don't live up to their victorian standard' #you have the very high church anglican rector whose wife is worldly but still a very good person #the girl raised in a very strict protestant family who is more scrupulous than the anglicans but is still recognized as a good person #you have people who are trying to work out the nuances of different issues #and that makes it so much more realistic and so much easier to integrate into the story #(the politics though are hilarious) #(most of the classics that survive are the ones that were 'ahead of their time' in politics) #(so it's equally fascinating and refreshing and a bit infuriating to see one that is very very of its time with regards to women's rights) #('why did this woman get up at the meeting and explain her very good ideas for rebuilding after the fire? she should have had a man do it') #(meanwhile i'm just screaming 'why on earth SHOULDN'T she???') #(it's almost enough to make a feminist of me)

[buglaur]

my favourite posts from 2023

#decided by what was most fun to work on #feeling a little bit miserable tonight but would it really be new year's if i wasn't dreading the year coming #happy new years anyways #it's only 11pm here so it's not quite the new year yet #lets hope 2024's a bit easier 🤞 #i'm really happy with the renders i did this year #even though there was only like... 4 of them... #in 2024 i want to make more :) #my semester 2 timetable is sadly shitty so i won't have that much time until around may #i am quite buzzed rn i hope this doesn't look horrific #goodnigth #also i bought for rent :) hopefully i'll have gameplay coming soon if i can get my lazy ass to decorate the houses

[canisalbus]

*gasp* ITS THE PERSON WITH THE SICK DOG ANTHRO DESINGS AND INTERESTING AS FUCK LORE WHO'S ART I FOUND UNCREDITED ON PINTEREST!! I HAVE FOUND YOU IN THE WILD! FUCK YEAH

.

#hello hello! #glad to hear you found me! #and thank you for the compliments! #how did you know about the lore though? I mostly save lore rambles for tumblr only #answered #fox0war #I still don't love the fact my art gets uploaded to pinterest without credits or proper sourcing #but it's nice to hear people out there are liking it #if you wish to get your anthro dog art fresh from the oven I'm also on twitter (kalpeakoira) and bsky (canisalbus) #and there's also instagram (kalpeakoira) but I consistently fail at keeping it up to date so it's mostly inactive #but tumblr has the best coverage out of all these you're not missing out on anything if you only follow me here #oh wait except the mature artwork I can't post that here tumblr doesn't allow it

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this. #wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on #i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head #that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it... #some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself... #maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts. #orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway #i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles #btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20 #well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10 #and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most #(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era #that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little. #certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye #idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'. #i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle #just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit #let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')

[golyadkin]

You ever notice a running theme in your life?

#death // #trauma // #drowning // #comics #gpoy #art tag #i know it's not an omen lmao it's probably a subconscious thing HOWEVER #i do think it's weird my dm did that #that one did weird me out a bit #let me know if there needs to be more tags i'm just throwing them on here #i'm not going to tag the books even though all three have their own tags that's not the point of this

[rotisseries]

who wants to hear my absolutely stunning ideas for atla soap opera aus

#I said katara was bi in these discord messages but if you let me think about it for longer than 5 seconds I'll make a lesbian out of her #anyway I think this is the funniest concept in the world actually going forward I'm a divorced z*tara truther #if I have any secret z*tara fans following me (IDK HOW??? BUT JUST IN CASE) btw I'm sorry about this #I don't like them. I think you're used to that response though #atla #zukka #I guess. they are not the focus but we did talk about them #ok well if I'm tagging that #kazula #let's talk about kazula actually that is SUCH an interesting concept to me why is it not a more popular ship for azula at least #(<- girl who will ship any two women in the same age bracket ESPECIALLY if it's toxic) #ANYWAY THINK ABOUT HOW FUNNY THIS WOULD BE THOUGHHHH #DIVORCED Z*TARA I AM LOSING MY SHITTTT #if it's not clear here we all think zuko is gay as hell that boy does not like women

[inkly-heart]

Do you have a group discord server? If others want to chill and interact with you. Just wondering

That aside just hoping you’re doing okay Blastic. Still, if you’re not your gotta a lot people care about you.

I look forward to seeing how the rest of the game goofs.

—goofball anon

I don't and sadly I don't think I will make one. It would be fun to interact with people who enjoys my work and wants to chat with me but I just feel it would be too much work for me to handle a discord server. So at least for now I'm not planning to make one.

#and how I've been doing?? #there been ups and downs #maybe bit better?? At least compared to what it was when this month started #I felt so numb for some reason #I just wanted to lie in bed and do nothing because nothing was making me happy. Not even drawing or playing games #I do still get these kind of days but it hasn't been that bad and I have got some amount motivation back to draw again at least #wanting to play games though still have been very low #but I'm taking small steps #I'm also sorry for not having much good news and that I've been so quiet nowadays #I just been struggling a lot what to say and anxiety isn't making things any easier #but I want to thank everyone who are still here hanging around and enjoying my work #even though I have these struggles I'm happy that you guys still want to support me<33 Thank you<33 #not sure did I word these right but I tried my best #and I will also do my best not to give up and keep on going 🌱 #ask #anon

[cozylittleartblog]

swatchvember: 90′s, rainy day, sleeping

cramming some of these prompts together to be silly <3 they spent a lot of time back then keeping some rich up-and-coming little salesman entertained, he’s one of their best customers. maybe you’ve heard of him...

#deltarune #swatch #spamton #swatchvember #art #doodles #swatchlings #queen #i didn't mean to go that hard on the first one but the colors were important i thought asdflkjdsf #um! ok to tag as ship :) even though it is not meant to be ship they are still just here for his wallet wjhbdfbhj #they're both . drunk. swatch gave him the bill and he paid and left and they nodded off because this is their joint they can sleep where th #where they want. except he intended to come back and when he did they were already conked out. so he just. ''hey thats a good idea'' >zzz #and nobody saw him! nobody saw him they just saw swatch. he falls out of view when he lays down in those booths so he just got to Stay There #... anyway they're plenty awake now ! 😂 #regular spamton is a reprehensible little man but bigshot era spamton is just a little guy with big dreams and i would let #him sell me a vacuum cleaner #... that's reprehensible little man Affectionate. but still #i'm so cool i don't need to be drunk to forget how to count B) i just dont know how to count by Default! #before i forget if you see this pleas use they/them only when referring to my swatch ty!!!

[comradekatara]

i've been thinking about the significance of toph's feet as the crux of her power against/alongside the practice of footbinding. considering her role situated within (an analog for) tang dynasty nobility, thinking through that cultural practice poses direct relevance regarding the overarching theme of how she transcends imposed boundaries, in terms of gender roles, class expectations, and of course along the axis of her disability. i can only gesture to these ideas because i lack the historical framework to construct a legitimate argument, but i'm wondering whether anyone more knowledgable regarding these historical contexts (@atlaculture comes to mind, but of course no pressure!) would like to extrapolate from these ideas.

#a couple weeks ago i did go down a footbinding rabbithole and started reading various sources #but i still feel like i'm not particularly qualified to make this argument #since i lack a background in how to construct arguments w/in historiographical discursive practices. just like. in general #although i suppose i can still gesture towards it by compiling sources & moments from the text #in like. a 'web weaving' way #though that might take more work than i have the bandwidth for atm lmao #i already have so many drafts and absolutely no time for postin #so i would love it if someone else could take the wheel here #should they be so inspired #again @atlaculture i rly admire your work but no pressure #and/or anyone else who feels qualified: please feel free to expand on this! #toph #i think abt poppy beifong specifically a lot actually #(sidenote: her name being poppy is quite loaded?) #she barely says a word. and yet she communicates so much...

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Wei Wuxian eats a watermelon. Yep!

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #nothing out of the ordinary here. Just good fandom fun #Watermelon discourse has been going on and I want to let people know where I stand. #This came about because I wanted to experiment with translating the (traditional) PD-MDZS style to a digital format #and while sitting there thinking of what to draw...my inspiration came to me. #This is the equivalent of sneaking vegetables into the spaghetti sauce but its important to get your gotdamn veggies #I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts (evidence: the tags of every post on this blog). #but please do not look away from this moment in history. One person cannot solve it and no one expects you to. #Even if it is just spending time doing some research on the situation and history. Or boosting posts that are more articulate #Any action helps! ANY action! Everyone has a different level of capacity for this and that's okay. Anything is fine. Dont let it be nothing #Anyhow. did I like doing this digitally? Yes but its mixed. It was faster but also spark the same joy I usually get while drawing #I will have to get over it very quickly though. You will all see why in a few days

[uncanny-tranny]

I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ally advice #i'm thankful that my manhood is the way it is. but it was a painful journey to get here and i did it partially alone #i absolutely am grateful to have had my friends and the trans people who made themselves known though. i owe these people my life #i still think it's not unreasonable to have wished for my /family/ to have been part of that journey sooner especially when i was young #sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy... #...in that the parent often aloenates themself/themselves from their child in a variety of ways... #...i was alienated from my dad when he threatened my transition - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy in that i shut myself down... #...i retreated inward and in a way became a ghost - corporeal to the touch but a spirit who may not be seen... #...in many ways i felt in limbo between life and death. it was a cycle of purgatory #and that is something i think is best avoided. it's lonely and scary and it makes it hard to imagine a future #i need to emphasize that even though this was shitty i am still lucky in so many ways #i just faced a lot of undue shit even so - shit i don't think was conducive to a good environment or well-being

[chiropteracupola]

a few friends from the Wood and the Riverbank

#em draws stuff #wind in the willows #witw #this is a redraw of my attempt at doing designs for these four about two years ago! #wanted to lean a little harder into the late-edwardian and also what I personally think could be fun out of these critters #also going to specify more clearly this time around that I'm drawing badger and ratty as butches! #also did that in the previous iteration but I think I communicated it better this time around #ratty's look here is also based on too-ticky - felt like the right place for some visual influence from tove jansson and tuulikki pietilä! #no glasses for mole in this iteration but I did think she needed something to spice up her design so she's got a little carbide lantern #and then I tried to give miss toad a big hat but it wasn't working out visually... you should still imagine one though :}