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hesbuckcompton-baby · 2 months

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I'm Your Man - Robert 'Rosie' Rosenthal x OFC - Chapter 5

AO3

Summary: Egan's first mission since Cleven's disappearance proves disastrous, leaving Frankie to clean up the damage he left behind

Warnings: Language, vomit, this one's angsty guys

Word Count: 4k

Tags: @mads-weasley @xxluckystrike @curaheehee @footprintsinthesxnd @dcyllom @storysimp @latibvles @love-studying58

The smell of cigarette smoke stung Bucky's nose, his warm breath fogging up the inside of the cockpit windows as he stared aimlessly at the early morning sky, dull grey gradually giving way to a vivid blue as the sun crept above the horizon. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, glaring at nothing, but this certainly wasn't his first cigarette, a pair of burnt-out butts on the floor by his feet a testament to this. It could have been sadness or anger that had driven him up here, but when the two combined it felt awfully more like numbness than anything else.

A sudden hammering against the glass broke his train of thought, dropping his cigarette in surprise as if left a small scorch mark on the inside of his trousers. Turning to his left, expression contorted in shock, he came face to face with Frankie, her furrowed brow only inches from the window after somehow managing to clamber up onto the wing without him noticing.

"What the- get down!" Egan cried, stomping out his cigarette before it could become a fire hazard.

"If that cockpit's full of cigarette butts now, I'm gonna beat your ass," She warned, her voice slightly muffled by the glass.

"...No," He shook his head, attempting to covertly use his uniform cap as a makeshift dustpan to clean up his mess, but when he looked back up at Frankie her eyes had narrowed at him. "What do you want?"

"Colonel Harding's looking for you. Personally, I just didn't want to deal with the smell after you drink and smoke yourself to death in here. I'd much rather you do it somewhere else, please."

A flicker of a smile crossed Egan's face, perhaps the first he could remember since he'd heard the news about Cleven. Half-empty flask tucked in his pocket, a hat full of ashes in his hand, he clambered out of the pilot's seat, weaving his way through the plane's interior to drop down out of the door. Frankie was waiting on the tarmac for him as his feet touched the ground, peering discerningly up at him. She swiped the flask from his pocket and took a swig for herself, giving a shrug of almost-approval at his choice of drink as she handed it back.

"I'm not gonna ask if you're ok," She frowned, yanking the cap from his hand and upturning its contents.

"Good," Bucky nodded, slinging an arm around her shoulder as they wandered back towards the jeep she had come in. "Weather report?"

Frankie glared up at him. He knew she objected to his participating in the next mission - it was only a matter of time before she actually tried to argue about it. Really, it was more a question of whether she was going to fight him, or try and take on the general. "Clearing up. D'you need me to drive you back?"

"If it was anyone else I might have said yes, but you... you're really bad at driving," Evidently she had anticipated this response, for her bike was already sticking out of the trunk, waiting for her to surrender the vehicle to him.

"Alright, one sec," Frankie gestured for him to turn and face her, surveying his appearance like she was a mother about to send her son off to the school dance. Reaching up, she tugged his tie straight, brushing a few flakes of ash from his jacket with the back of her hand. "Open," She demanded, and he opened his mouth without question, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. Taking a whiff of the alcohol on his breath, Frankie frowned, and Egan found himself unable to utter a word before she shoved a couple of breath mints into his mouth with such force he almost choked.

"Gee, thanks," He spluttered, coughing. "Might choke to death, but at least I'm not gonna smell."

"I can't do everything," She shrugged, stepping away to grab her bike out of the jeep.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Bucky drawled sarcastically, clearing his throat one last time as he slid into the driver's seat, the engine starting with a roar as he watched Frankie begin to cycle away in the rearview mirror.

It was barely beginning to rain, spots of cold water striking Frankie's face as she pedalled relentlessly, taking it at a somewhat leisurely pace for once, too distracted to sprint the way she usually would. They were running a mission today. They had run one yesterday. They had run one the day before. She was losing track of the last time she'd slept more than a couple of hours in a night, the constant missions meaning tougher, tighter deadlines for all her work. The fixes needed to be completed twice as fast, and it was becoming physically impossible to keep all the buses air-worthy as needed.

Lemmons and the others were already on site and working away as she arrived, a fact that lessened her anxiety ever-so-slightly. In the months since they'd arrived, her begrudging acceptance of the American mechanics had grown more and more willing - they'd proved their worth, their dedication, and she couldn't ask more than that.

"How many can fly today?" She called, abandoning her bike in the grass as she jogged over to the hardstand where Ken was working away.

"Still only seventeen," He sighed. "A couple need fixes to the return lines, but we just don't have time for any big repairs."

"I know," Frankie nodded grimly. "Daily missions are a nightmare, just pull through with what you can, they can't blame us for any of this."

His expression was tense, tainted with guilt. She could tell he was thinking of Cleven again. "Hey," Frankie urged, pressing a reassuring hand to his shoulder. "None of this is our fault." Lemmons nodded after a moment's pause, tilting his head to let his chin rest upon the spot where her hand gripped his shoulder.

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By the time the flight crews began rolling in in their jeeps, Frankie had grown so irritable that she swore her teeth would shatter if her jaw clenched itself any harder. The constant frustration of never being able to carry out the repairs she wanted, the ever-present worry that burrowed into her stomach whenever the pilots left, and the anger she felt at Egan for going with them, were all colliding in an explosive combination. And her fellow mechanics seemed to feel it - even Ken was keeping his distance.

Bucky's car slowed to a halt behind her as she finished up, and she turned to glare at him, a look he was sure he'd never seen crease her face before. "Now, Frankie," He approached with a plastered-on grin, seizing her by the shoulders as he tried to alleviate her mood with his own false joyfulness. "Why is it that we're only flying seventeen buses this morning? I hope Lemmons over there hasn't been screwing with your excellent work."

He had touched a nerve. Unfortunately for Egan, this realisation came a split-second too late. Before he knew it, there was a spanner jammed under his chin, as if she held a knife to his throat, her expression only made harsher by the remark. "Maybe if some people didn't force themselves in where they aren't needed we wouldn't have to pull everything together in such a fucking hurry, eh?"

"Ok, Frank, tough morning, I get it," He nodded, releasing her shoulders and taking a full step back. But he wasn't going to pretend her statement about him being unneeded hadn't sparked his own anger. "But don't take that out on me, I'll pass your concern on to Harding, and we'll see what he can-"

"The only thing I want Harding to get is a smack up the fucking head for letting you fly."

"This is war, Frankie, you think I'm gonna sit out because of what happened? I've never wanted this more than I do now!"

Without fully realising, their voices had begun to rise, argument audible to the other ground and flight crews nearby as they attempted to awkwardly go about their business.

"We both know you're not fit to fly - oh, or does a breakfast of whisky and cigarettes pass the military standard these days? You're burning the candle at both ends and you won't talk to me about it because you're embarrassed by how obvious it's become, John!"

"You really wanna go there? How 'bout we talk about how you spend every fucking night up here working until you drop, and the only times you don't is when you're drinking yourself to the same effect? How many hours did you sleep last night - or the night before, huh? Two? Three? Don't stand there and fucking lecture me about 'burning the candle at both ends'-" He lifted his hands in quotation marks, mockingly mimicking her accent. "- when I'm just following your example!"

Frankie didn't speak for a moment, but as Bucky tried to walk past her, she swivelled on her heel, yelling at him with such force that it was a miracle the entire bomb squad didn't hear. "Why do I have to lose my friend just because you lost yours?!"

He stopped dead in his tracks, stone-cold expression cracking for a second. "Frankie-"

Raising a hand to silence him, she shook her head. "No- you know what? Just fuck off. Get in your death trap and fuck off. At least I'll have one less mess to clean up when you don't come back. I'm sure Cleven will be so proud that his legacy amounted to that."

Frankie could tell she'd hurt him. His glare didn't falter, but she saw the way he flinched when she mentioned Cleven. If she'd been in a more forgiving mood, she might have apologised on the spot - taken it all back, promised she wanted nothing more than for him to return safe and in one piece. But she was tired and she was angry, and apologising was the last thing on her agenda. Hot tears were welling in her eyes as she stomped off, the clanging weight of her toolbox accentuating every step as she officially declared whatever happened next as Not Her Problem.

'Royal Flush' was the next plane along the runway, close enough so that every shouted word of Egan and Frankie's exchange had carried on the wind, the flight crew exchanging embarrassed glances as they tried to ignore the conversation they had suddenly found themselves privy to. Rosie had been about to climb in, but the sudden shouts had given him pause, waiting by the hatch as he watched on with a furrowed brow. Her boots thumped hard against the tarmac as she marched up to them, tools weighing her down on one side.

"Everything looks good?" She demanded, stopping in front of the plane, her usually jovial tone gone.

He frowned, concern twisting his expression. "Everything is - yeah - are you ok?"

Frankie's lip jutted out for a moment, and Rosie grew suddenly worried that she was about to burst into tears. Taking a sharp, shaky inhale, she nodded firmly. "Everything's great."

He slammed the hatch shut, gesturing for her to step underneath the plane's belly so that they were out of both sight and earshot of the rest of Rosie's Riveters. She did so, putting her toolbox down at her feet so that she could wipe away the tears that were forming with the heels of her palms. "I'm really tired."

Rosie almost laughed, a huff escaping him as she confirmed every suspicion he'd harboured about her unorthodox work hours. Lifting a hand to her cheek, he brushed her hair away from where it had stuck to half-dried tears. "Oh, honey," He uttered before he'd had a chance to actually consider the words, the pair of them brushing past the term of endearment without a second thought, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "He's gonna be fine. Egan'll come back in a couple hours, and you can both apologise to each other, and everything'll be fine."

She sniffed sharply, nodding, and he chuckled as she reached up to tug the zipper on his jacket all the way up past his collar, the sheepskin brushing against his chin. "Don't get... like... shot, or anything."

He grinned, nodding affirmatively. "Duly noted. Nice pep talk."

Frankie smiled then too, thumping him in the shoulder like she always did when he teased her. "I'm not kidding," She chuckled. "If every person I'm seen talking to before a flight fucking dies people will start thinking I'm bad luck."

Rosie raised a brow at this, flicking away another stray strand of hair that had gotten caught on her eyelash. "Well... of all the ways to go, I'll take your weird bad-luck-magic any day."

She sniffed again, her eyes still red from almost crying. "Thank you," She nodded earnestly.

"Alright. I'll see you later?"

"You hope," Frankie joked, smile flickering for a moment as she realised the remark may have been in bad taste, but he chuckled nonetheless, opening the hatch and climbing up into 'Royal Flush'. As his head popped up in the belly of the machine, Rosie noticed his co-pilot crouched on the floor beside him, eyeing him with a raised brow.

"... What?"

"Jesus Christ," Pappy muttered, pushing himself to his feet and worming his way through to the cockpit.

"Pappy, what?" Rosie insisted, close behind him. The man batted him away, and he threw up his hands in frustration, sliding into the pilot's seat.

"This thing ain't as sound-proof as you think it is, that's all I'm sayin'."

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Frankie squinted in the midday sun as she lay in the grass beside the runway, the tall grass blowing in and out of her peripherals on the cool breeze. The wait was always agony - the uncertainty, the sense of powerlessness, the surety that some of the men who had left were never coming back. It seemed word of her public argument with Major Egan had travelled fast, for as soon as lunchtime rolled around, there was George. She never bothered to walk all the way to the airstrip from the command centre, but today she had made the hike, a paper bag full of cheese and cucumber sandwiches in tow.

Lemmons sat silently, cross-legged in the grass as he enjoyed his lunch. "Thanks for this, ma'am, it was real nice of you," He nodded appreciatively, making up for his and George's lack of familiarity with polite flattery.

"Yeah," Frankie agreed, speaking with a mouth full of cheese. "Much better than the shit coffee and stale crackers we keep in the hut."

George furrowed her brow, frowning questioningly over at Ken. "No refrigerator," He shrugged, offering no further explanation.

Frankie ate with one hand, a difficult task when lying down, half of the sandwich filling falling out onto her chest. But her other hand was draped across George's leg as she painted her nails a subtle shade of mauve, scolding her whenever she twitched. When she was stressed, she smoked too much, and George had long since realised that the best way to curb the bad habit was to distract her with food, or to ensure her hands were indisposed. On a particularly stressful afternoon such as this one, it seemed combined efforts were in order.

"... You don't think Bucky hates me now, do you?" Frankie asked quietly, her two companions frowning down at her.

"What are you, twelve?" George snorted, carefully finishing off the edges of her thumbnail. "He'll get over it. Grown-ups fight, dear."

"You're both having a hard time," Ken added. "He's just blowing off steam, I don't think he meant any of it."

"I meant what I said. When I said it, that is."

"Once you got drunk and told me you wanted to rip my eyes out because I was too pretty - I haven't held it against you," George shrugged. "You definitely meant that at the time."

"I'm easily frustrated."

"Yeah, no shit."

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George's watch ticked steadily past the time they had expected the planes to return. She didn't return to work - didn't leave Frankie's side - sitting beside her in the grass, a deathly silence hanging over them as she began to pick and chip away at her freshly dried nail polish.

"They should have been back by-"

"Shh." Frankie interrupted sharply, an utterly dreadful sense of foreboding hollowing out her gut. She didn't realise how thoroughly she'd picked at her hand until her finger came away bloody. Where were they?

The sound of an engine rattling above made their ears prick, gazes locked on the same spot on the great blue horizon as a single plane came into view.

Just one.

Before she even realised she was nauseous, Frankie had vomited the contents of her stomach onto the grass in front of her. If none of them had returned, it could have meant any number of things. She knew exactly what one plane meant. She didn't even watch it land, just stared down at the stinking puddle before her as it soaked into the dirt.

In her mind, she had a choice now. When the time came to head over, she had to decide on who she was praying would climb out.

Bucky or Rosie.

Even if it was neither, it couldn't be both.

But then a second rumble sounded, and before she'd had time to look up and track its movements, another plane was pulling in, its wings jagged and torn, engines sputtering as it slowly descended.

'Royal Flush'.

A terrible, ragged noise escaped Frankie's throat, something between a sob and a sigh of relief. Scrambling to her feet, George thrust her half-empty flask of lukewarm coffee into her hand, and she downed the whole thing, the bitterness mixing with the acidic tang in her mouth, masking the smell of sickness as best she could.

Rosie hadn't even had time to register her approach. No sooner had he slipped out of the hatch did he feel the sudden crush of another body against his, her arms thrown around his neck, her hand in his hair, holding him steady. Suddenly he was breathing again.

He wasn't sure he'd ever held anybody so tight, relishing the feeling of solid ground beneath his feet as he wrapped his arms around her back, hands pressed so firmly against her skin that he could feel her rapid heartbeat beneath it, a desperate tether to life. She was breathing in his ear, his curls waving back and forth with it, and without thinking he reached up to pluck a piece of grass away that had gotten stuck in her hair.

Her breath didn't come easy - he could hear the laboured way she pulled in each inhale, as if a weight were pressing on her chest, keeping her lungs empty. When she spoke it was barely a whisper.

"Egan?"

Rosie shook his head ever so slightly, the guilt of what he knew he had to say eating away at him. "I gotta wait until after interrogation, I can't-"

Suddenly Frankie pulled out of the embrace, hands clutching either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. Her hands were gentle in the way they pressed against his cheeks, but in that moment it felt like a vice grip. That warmth he had become so fond of was gone, her eyes merciless, and Rosie knew in that moment that if he didn't tell her now she would never forgive him.

"He went down Frankie, they all- ... They all went down."

A horrible, agonising sound tore free from her throat, half whimper, half choke, and immediately she was blinded by the tears that filled her eyes. His fingers found hers, ever so gently prying her palms away from his face so that he could hold her again, pressing his lips briefly to her sweat-soaked temple. If he could, he would have stayed there for hours, for as long as she needed someone to be there whilst she wept. But he couldn't. For someone he'd known only weeks, walking away from her was suddenly the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

Frankie didn't turn to watch him go, didn't spare a glance to the surviving Riveters as they climbed into the back of one of the trucks, whisked away to interrogation.

What the fuck could they say that wasn't already obvious?

She felt a hand press against her shoulder, and turned her head to meet Ken's gaze, his expression twisted with fear.

"Bucky?" He asked. The simple question was enough to undo her, and all at once Frankie burst into tears, accepting his embrace as he offered it.

Just fuck off. Get in your death trap and fuck off.

At least I'll have one less mess to clean up when you don't come back.

She couldn't breathe. Couldn't feel anything but a terrible, harrowing guilt, so heavy that it made her very bones ache. If she hadn't already upturned the contents of her stomach, she would have done so now, the desperate feeling of nausea left with nothing to cling to within her.

Frankie Bevan had lost people to war before. She had loved people and sent them away, and they had never returned. But not once in her life had she let them leave without them knowing she loved them. Not until now.

"He forgave you," She heard Lemmons murmur, his hand stroking her hair in that way her father used to soothe her when she got too mad - when the world got too heavy, too weighty for her hands alone. "He knew you didn't mean it."

She sniffed loudly, clutching at the dirty fabric of his coveralls. "He loved me, didn't he?"

"Oh yeah."

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Rosie sat on one of the benches outside the interrogation hut, staring down at the cup of Red Cross coffee that warmed his hands. They had made too many cups. He had walked in and seen them, laid out row by row, and taken the first of the front row like he was supposed to - leave the rest for the others. But there were no others. And suddenly the bitter liquid was the least appetising thing in the world.

The bench's wooden slats creaked as someone sat down beside him. Frankie was sitting on her hands, staring blankly at a fixed spot in the grass ahead. Wordlessly, he held the coffee out to her, and she took it, the hot liquid scalding her tongue as she took a sip.

"Jesus," She sputtered, grimacing at the sudden pain.

"Still hot," Rosie said.

"Yeah, I noticed," Frankie huffed, sucking in cool air through her teeth to soothe the burn.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about-"

"Don't," She interrupted, shaking her head. "You don't have to do that, it's okay."

At some point during their flight, Rosie had sliced the skin along his hairline, droplets of blood drying and encrusting his forehead. Frankie put the still-hot coffee down, reaching up to brush his curls out of the way with her thumb. Her hand was still warm from holding the cup, and he felt the urge to lean closer.

"That hurt?"

"Nah. It's just a scratch - I don't even know how I got it."

She nodded, hand falling back down at her side. Neither of them moved for a moment, but when Rosie lifted his arm she seemed to get the message, leaning into his side, arms wrapped around his torso. His chin rested atop Frankie's head, the smell of her hair filling his lungs with each slow inhale.

"I don't know what we're supposed to do now."

#masters of the air #masters of the air oc #masters of the air fic #rosie rosenthal #rosie rosenthal x oc #mota #mota fic #john egan #ken lemmons #oc: frankie #oc: george #fic | i'm your man

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alcottsangel · 2 years

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Rotten Chapter 1 {Steve Harrington x fem!reader}

Masterlist | Ao3 | Soundtrack

Summary: When something horrible happens to Y/n, her friends find her. Platonic Eddie Munson, Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley x reader. Poc and plus-size friendly.

Warnings: Rape!!, cursing, panic attack, mentions of weed, hyperventilation, vomiting, blood, vaginal bruises.

last part | next part

Yeah, so I wrote this to deal with some things. You know how it goes.

"Need a ride?" Eddie Munson asked, as his van came to a halt next to Steve Harringtons car.

There was smoke coming from the engine and Robin and Nancy stood behind him, annoyance written on their faces.

The light rain that was falling only made everything worse.

Steve turned to the Metalhead, as Eddie just smirked smugly with the window on his passenger side down.

"We're managing just fine." Harrington answered, before once again facing the vehicle as if he had any idea how to fix it.

Nancy Wheeler was the first to step forward, open the door of the backseat and slip inside, which caused a light chuckle from Eddie.

Robin followed her immediately, and Steve shot her a betrayed glance that she answered with a shrug. "I'm not gonna freeze off my ass in the middle of the night, while it's raining, might I add, just because you're too proud to get into someone else's car." She told him, as she walked around the van to get into the seat behind Eddie.

"Come on, Harrington. Or I might just leave you here." Eddie joked. Steve sighed dramatically, before closing the engine hood, locking his automobile and getting into the passenger seat.

"My dad is going to kill me." He mumbled, as the other man started to drive again. The music that came from the radio was turned down, it was Eddies highly valued Exodus tape, the one Y/n gifted him for his last birthday.

"At least you won't get yourself hospitalised for hypothermia." Nancy laughed lightheartedly, causing the other to smile. "Yeah, I guess." Steve answered, as he leaned against the door and looked out of the window, his eyes followed the raindrops on the glass, like a child waiting for one of them to win the imaginary race.

They drove for a few minutes, the music still quiet, before Eddie cleared his throat.

"Where do you want me to drop you off anyways? Like, what was your plan? It's..." He glanced at the clock. "It's almost midnight, after all."

Robins gaze catched his in the rearview mirror. The blonde raised her brow. "We could ask you the same now, couldn't we?"

The man shrugged, as he leaned back a bit. "I was at a party. One of these preppy ones that I would never attend out of free will." He told them, which surprised the others.

"Why were you there, if you didn't wanna be?" Nancy asked, but not teasingly. It was a try to lift the awkwardness by holding small talk.

"I was meant to pick up Y/n Y/l/n. You know, promised her I wouldn't let her go home by herself. When I showed up I almost wasn't let in, I couldn't find her anywhere, then some cheerleaders told me she walked off with a one of these laundry-basket guys." Eddie sounded a tad hurt by her ditching him.

"Well." Robin chuckled. "Good for her I guess."

It was quiet after that, the music once again dominating. Eddie silently hummed along, until Steve broke the silence. "We wanted to go to the exact party you're coming from." He finally revealed, and Eddie laughed.

"My god, why would anyone voluntarily go there." His laugh was infectious, as the rest tagged along just a second before going quiet again.

"You and Y/n are pretty close, right?" Steve turned to face Eddie for the first time since getting into the car. Robin mentally face-palmed herself. How could someone make a crush any more obvious than asking her best friend if they were dating?

Eddie nodded, eying Steve suspiciously.

"We've been best friends since I stepped on her sandcastle in second grade. Of course we're close." Eddie answered and the girls on the backseat exchanged a glance.

Y/n was involved into the entire paranormal shit since the beginning, she was always there. She walked to the Wheelers house to pick out outfits before parties with Nancy since they were fourteen, she worked together with Steve and Robin, she was even the first person Robin dared to come out to, but she strictly separated these friendships from the one she shared with Eddie. Them smoking weed, judging the cheerleaders when they practiced and making each other mixtapes was just for them. The line started blurring when Eddie got involved into the paranormal shit too. Y/n still tried her best to prevent that. It was a blatantly stupid exchange, they were in the upside down together, they knew who was close and who wasn't. Chances were high Eddie was running to Y/n to tell her Steve had a little crush as soon as they were out of his car.

But neither of the boys said another word, until Eddie asked where he was taking them again, and Steve told him his adress. It wasn't like his parents were home anyways, so there was no issue with some friends staying over.

The Metalhead finally turned the music up, as 'Bonded by blood' was playing.

The crew fell silent once again.

That was, until Nancy saw a figure walking down the side of the road, dressed entirely unfitting for the rain (despite it being summer), and she soon recognised that person as Y/n Y/l/n herself.

"There's Y/n!" She blurted out and pointed into her direction. Eddie laughed, as if she was joking, until her spotted her himself and slowed the car, Steve rolled down the passenger window.

"Hey sweetheart, get in the car!" The Metalhead exclaimed. Y/n turned to him, she seemed startled, almost disturbed with her wet hair clinging to her face and her arms wrapped around her body.

"Eddie." She stated, her voice fragile.

The car now stood, and Y/n noticed that her best friend was not alone, as Steve opened his door to make space for her on the passenger seat.

"My lady." He joked, holding the door open for her. She recognised Robin and Nancy in the back, as they were waving lightly.

Y/n swallowed, still keeping her distance.

"I don't want to stain the seat." She stated, her eyes meeting Steve's briefly, before she quickly looked away again. Her voice sounded incredibly hollow and all of them knew that something was wrong. "A little rain won't do damage." Eddie chuckled to cheer her up a bit, but she just nodded hesitantly before slowly walking towards the door. Steve still held it open, and she stopped to look at him, whispering a 'thank you' his way while she sat down. He closed her door, before getting into the backseat as well, pushing Robin further into the car.

Eddie started driving once again, as the rain stopped and he turned off the windshield wipers.

"Their car broke down. I came to pick you up, like I promised, but you were already gone." The brunette informed her. Y/n only nodded again, her fingers playing with the hem of her skirt.

"Are you alright?" Robin was the first to ask the question they all had. Y/n didn't react at first, then she opened her mouth and closed it again, before taking a deep breath.

"Sure." She shrugged, but her voice was still so brutally hollow and Steve could feel his chest tighten in worry. Eddie licked his lips, trying his best not to sound like a complete ass despite being a bit mad that she wasn't there when he came to that damn party, just for her. "Did that guy ditch you?" Her best friend asked, once again turning down the volume of his music.

"What?" Y/n stuttered, as she properly looked at the Metalhead for the first time.

Eddie shrugged. "Some girls told me you left with someone from the team. I mean, I don't like them, you know, but I thought you'd be fine. But he's a dick if he ditched you." He rambled.

Y/n could feel tears dwelling up, but she swallowed them as she turned away from her friends again. It took her a moment to form an answer, because she feared the tears would actually fall if she talked. And once she did, she only managed to blurt out an 'oh'.

So that's what everyone thought, huh? That she walked off with 'someone from the team', that she walked off with Jason Carver to have some fun? "Are you sure you're okay?" Nancy urged Y/n, as the latter felt the hand of the brunette woman on her shoulder. She was quick to move away, licking her lips and taking a few breaths before being capable of talking again.

"God, I'm fine. I walked off with some guy, he ditched me, it's not that deep. I'm fine." She reassured her friends, in a tone that made it clear she had no interest in discussing it further.

She leaned her head against the window, shifting on her seat to get as far away from everyone as she could.

Y/n lost focus, still picking at the hem of her skirt until she felt something wet between her legs. Her breathing stopped, before she boldly touched her thigh under her skirt. The car was dark, but as she saw the red liquid that now covered her palm she finally felt the reality wash all over her.

Everything around her got blurry, her head was pounding and suddenly everything was much too loud for her. The lump in her throat felt thicker, as she felt that she had to puke. Her breathing went faster and she gasped for air like a fish out of water, the panic now dominating entirely.

"Eddie, stop the car!" The young woman shrieked, startling the others.

"What? Why?!" Eddie exclaimed, still driving.

"Stop the car!" She told him again, her voice full of panic as she felt unable to breathe and began crying. Eddie hit the brakes abruptly, but as soon as the car stood on the completely empty road, Y/n unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of it.

She could only take three short steps, stumbling a bit until she fell to her knees at the side of the road, blood still on her hands and running down her legs, and threw up into the bushes. The gagging caused even more tears, and at this point it was a disgusting mix of hyperventilating and vomiting and her own blood.

Steve was the first who jumped out of the car to follow her, running around it as fast as he could and putting his hand onto her forehead to hold her while she still threw up. Y/n had no idea who held her, but she was grateful because everything, especially her head, felt so heavy, and without the person who held her she wouldn't be able to kneel anymore. Nancy was quick to follow, already preparing some handkerchiefs and a bottle of water.

Eddie was the one who realised she was bleeding, as he stared at the huge stain on the passenger seat. He felt the need to tell the others, to have them comfirm what was right before him, because he couldn't quite grasp it. His stuttering caught Robins attention, who then noticed it as well.

Her mind started racing, realising where Y/n bled, and then realising that she never just walked off with some guy. As the blonde put two and two together, she could feel tears coming up herself. God, that was what she meant when she said she didn't want to stain the seat...

"Shit, fuck." Robin whispered and walked off, brushing her hands through her face. "Fuck." She stated again, more loudly.

Y/n didn't even hear her, she still panicked as Steve rubbed circles on her back in a desperate attempt to sooth the crying girl.

"Sssssh, you're fine. It'll be fine. I'm right here. I got you, I won't let go." He assured .

Nancy and him exchanged a glance, as Nancy got up and handed Steve the supplies she had prepared.

The brunette woman walked towards Eddie, who got out of the car and seemed so livid, that she thought he was going to explode any second. He made an attempt to walk towards his best friend, but he seemed like he was about to scream, or hit something, anything, and Nancy stopped him.

"You're not being helpful." The brunette told him, but he shook his head. "You haven't seen it yet, have you?" He hissed, pointing to the car. Nancy shook her head in confusion, until the tears that now fell down the Metalheads cheeks got her moving, getting faster with every step until she reached the car and saw it herself.

"No." She breathed out. "No, no, no, no, no..."

Nancy looked at Robin, who never appeared more resigned, a silent conversation going on between them. They turned to Steve, the way he held Y/n, the way she would completely lose halt if he wouldn't be there. The way he whispered soothing words into her ear. They turned to Eddie, who kicked the tire of his car, running his hands through his hair with guilt written all over his face, and they turned to Y/n, understanding of what happened, what was done to her, washing over her, and how she held onto Steve like he was all she had and they thought that the person who did this to her, was worse than any upside down monster could ever be, because he was human.

I'll write a second part if you want one I guess. I'm not even sure if it's okay, I just needed to write this.

Taglist: (If you are tagged in red, it means I couldn't tag you. Here are reasons for that. Comment if you want to be added or removed, but please understand that I am not replying because I get alot. If you do not receive a notification that I added you, check here again to see if your name is red, or message me.)

#stranger things season four #stranger things x reader #stranger things #steve harrington x reader angst #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader smut #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #steve harrington x raped!reader #eddie munson

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bugs1nmybrain · 7 months

Text

Shoulder - Tomura x Fem!Reader ◇ Non-S3xual MDLB

Listen I've put myself in a rabbit hole. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I am so sorry. My heart tugs for this boy. It was actually very sad to write this and I teared up a little to be honest. I want to hold him so bad, even if I die at contact. I don't know if I can tag this sfw only because I know the mommy dynamic weirds people out sometimes, but there is nothing sexual in this story at all.

This isn't a sexual fic but I would prefer minors to not interact.

Warnings: non-sexual mdlb (i am so ashamed), is it problematic? I have no idea, angst, reverse comfort, Tomura cries pretty hard, panic attack, unprescribed use of anti-anxiety meds, PTSD, mommy issues, nausea and vomiting, abandonment issues/separation anxiety, season 5 blue hair Tomura era (ignoring the Gigantomachia canon), reader is probably older than Tomura, reader is resistant to Tomura's quirk because the plot requires it, reader's POV, a lot of paragraphs start with "you" and "he" I'm so sorry

He was silent when he came home, not saying a word as he entered the bedroom. You watched as he just slid his shoes off and slumped himself on the bed, with himself turned to face the wall. He didn't acknowledge you.

This was unusual for him. It wasn't out of character for Tomura to be in a bad mood, but quiet wasn't typical. Usually, he would come complaining to you with his nasal voice, moaning and whining about how much he hated something or how bad his day went. It wasn't just that his silence that was concerning you. When you looked at him, he was breathing so heavily that you could see his back expand and shoulders rise and fall. At first, his breathing was slow and heavy, but it continued to build.

You left him be for a moment, not wanting to invade his personal space. Maybe he just needed a little time to himself. But when you went back to resume the task that you were doing before, you began hearing verbal, raspy breaths that sounded as if he was suffocating. You turned around to see Tomura's shoulders shaking, and he was closed in on himself. You realized that the only hands he had on him right now were the ones on his neck. His mother's.

You didn't want to upset him more, but you couldn't just watch him like this. You slowly approached him from behind and sat on the bed next to him. You didn't want to touch him yet, worried that he'd be startled or angered by the sudden sensation.

"Tomura?"

"What?" he rasped out, still gasping on the oxygen he managed to inhale.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't respond. His shaking got worse, and his breath seized to function. You could tell because his shoulders and back were no longer moving, and he was rigidly still.

"Tomura..." you reached out to rub his back, fearing that he'd snap, but he didn't. "Tomura, you need to breathe, okay?"

You rub firm circles on his back, and then motioned up and down. He was now only allowing small exhales come out through his nose, and his shaking stopped. Now, though, his body was tight and tense. You couldn't see it, but he was beginning to sweat.

"Tomura-"

"I need a bucket."

"Huh?"

"Now! I'm gonna puke!"

You didn't hesitate and rushed out of the room to grab a mop bucket from the kitchen closet. You returned fast, Tomura was now lying on his back with his eyes closed and furrowed, hands on his stomach.

"Here."

"I-" he was huffing in between words. "I" "I can't move" "I'm gonna throw up." "If I move I'm going to puke."

"It's okay, please sit up. You'll feel better if you let it out."

It takes you tucking your hand underneath his head and helping him to sit up for him to move. The moment he sat up, he snatched the bucket and hurled it into it. The sounds of him puking made you uncomfortable, but it sounded much more painful for him. It went all out quickly, though.

He holds out the puke bucket, signaling that he's finished.

"Are you done, baby?"

His mouth formed into an uncontrolled pouty frown and he held his head down. He only motioned a nod to tell you yes.

"Okay. I'm going to go put this outside for now and come back with a water."

Tomura mumbled an "mhm" and criss crossed his legs, head still facing downwards. You took the bucket and brought it out into the alleyway outside. You'd take care of it sometime later, but not now. All you wanted to do was make sure it wasn't stinking up the house, and to get back to your boyfriend to make sure he was okay.

When you came back your heart shattered. You watched in silence as Tomura sat there with a palm holding the sides of his face, crying. His sounds were very vocal, but when he realized you were back he began concealing them. He itched himself red as he cried, as if bugs were biting him all over. Slowly returning to his side, you began to stroke his long, blue hair softly. He shakes at your touch and his cries became uncontrolled, with breathy sobs and tears falling out from underneath his hand and he scratched vigorously.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You soothe at him gently.

"I can't-I can't breathe."

He was indeed still shaking and he sounded like he was choking on air. Your glance met the hands around his neck again, and you worried that they were causing more discomfort. You reach out to cup them, a little freaked out by it initially. They were dead hands, after all. Cold and lifeless.

"Maybe you should take these off."

"I can't. I need them! They're suffocating me! I hate this! I hate it..."

"I know, baby," he sobbed harder when you said that. "But they're hurting you. Just for a while, okay? You can put them back on later, once you've had a chance to catch your breath. Is that okay, sweetheart?"

His hand lifted off his face. He still averts his gaze, but he nods with a deep sigh. "Yea."

You proceed to remove the hands. It was hard, actually. They were snug on his neck so tightly, clasped together, and very difficult to separate from each other. You made sure to put them with the others, where they would be safe.

When you sat back on the bed you continued to rub Tomura's back. His tears soaked his lap, and his face was red.

"Hey, hey, hey..."You ran your fingers on his scalp for comfort. "Come here, Tomura..."

You gestured him toward your embrace and he latched onto you. His hold was tight and needy as he tugged on the back of your shirt and rested his face on your chest. His cries drenched your shirt and you could feel his heart pumping rapidly against your body. It felt like he was on the verge of a heart attack. You couldn't bare it.

"I have some anxiety meds, do you think that would help?"

He nods into your form and you try to get up from his embrace to get the medication. As you rise he pulls on your shirt, "please come back."

"I will, I promise."

It was sad, given that the meds were only inside of a drawer close to the bed. You got out a couple of pills and grabbed the water that you had gotten him earlier. Tomura wasn't prescribed these medications, but frankly, it didn't really matter right now. It wasn't like he hadn't committed far more severe crimes. He needed to calm down, or his body was going to collapse.

You move back on the bed and hold out the medicine and drink for him. He takes both with his trembling hands as you put your hand on his tense back again. The medication goes down easy, and he sits there with the water in his hand, shaking.

"You should drink more. You're going to be dehydrated because of crying."

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be, I want to make sure you're taken care of."

The pout that returned on his face made your heart thump in sympathy. What was going on? You had never seen Tomura in this kind of state before. It was unlike him.

"What's wrong Tomura? Please tell me. I don't mean to be nosy, but I can tell something is hurting your feelings and I want to help if I can."

Tomura turns back to snuggle you close, holding your body as if his life depended on it.

"I don't know how to explain it. I don't understand why I'm like this right now. I just...I feel empty. I think I miss her? Like I'm grieving something I don't even know. I don't get it. I fucking HATE this so SO much!"

You didn't need clarification on who he was referring to. The hands, the needy physical touch, the balling whenever you would stroke his hair or call him "sweetheart" and "baby"...It was clear to see that there was a void within Tomura. One that he'd never be able to fill. He must have felt grief for what he didn't have, what he lost a long time ago.

"I'm sorry, babyboy. I really am."

The grip he made almost suffocated you, but it was okay. He needed this, and you wanted him to feel nurtured. Loved.

"I can't get her back. I never will. What if I lose you, too? What if you stop being resistant to my quirk? I don't want you to, I can't bear even thinking about losing you. It makes me feel sick."

"You won't lose me, I promise," there was something you weren't sure would help. You expect a negative response somehow, but you try to test the waters to see what could comfort him right now. "Mommy's not going anywhere."

If Tomura wasn't crying before, he surely was now. You were scared that you broke him, but his grip around your waist didn't loosen, and he held you so hard that you felt stuck. His tears seeped out harder as you stroked his hair with his head buried in between your warm chest.

"Does mommy love me? Have I been good for her?"

"Yes, baby. You're my good boy and you've been more than good for me. Mommy loves you with her whole entire heart, Tomura. I'll never let you go for as long as I have you."

The exchange of words was foreign and was awkward to process, but it felt natural even so. There was nothing about it that seemed sultry. It was a need for him. You were simply substituting a void for him, and you couldn't feel ashamed for being there to give him that affection and nurture that he hadn't had since murdered his family. You only knew about what he had told you, and he only knew about what his master told him. This regression was heart breaking for you to witness, but if you could comfort him, maybe it would be all better.

"I love you. I love you so much, mommy. I need you to be here. I need you to hold me."

"I will. I'll hold you all night long. You're such a perfect little boy, do you know that?"

Tomura snickers as tears escape his eyes, "Thank you."

"Of course, baby boy. You should rest, though. You've been through a lot."

"Will you sleep with me?"

"Yes. I'll be right here with you and beside you when you wake up, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, Tomura."

"I love you too."

#shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x fem reader #shigaraki angst #tenko shimura

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negativeyield · 4 months

Text

if i die before I bake

Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band), Phantom (Ghost Sweden Band), Dewdrop | Sodo, Rain (Ghost Sweden Band), Mountain (Ghost Sweden Band), Cumulus (Ghost Sweden Band), Cirrus (Ghost Sweden Band) Additional Tags: Recreational Drug Use, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, green out, Pack Cuddles, Crack Treated Seriously, well this was meant to be crack but it kind of veered away from that, Guilt, Marijuana, Panic Attacks, Vomiting, Swiss is fucking zooted Summary: Phantom bakes some homemade edibles for Swiss, but messes up a vital measurement.

read on AO3

“Hey Mountain,” Phantom said, appearing at his bedroom door. “You went on that weed run yesterday, right?”

The drummer was lying on his bed, idly scrolling through his phone. He rolled to his side to look at Phantom, nodding his head toward the dresser. “Top drawer. You having a smoke?”

“No, I’m gonna make some brownies,” Phantom grabbed the bag. “I accidentally took the last of Swiss’s edible he got in Amsterdam. Told ‘em I’d go to the dispensary with you... and then forgot... so I'm just gonna make some.”

Mountain chuckled, “Have you ever baked anything in your life?”

“Of course I have.”

Phantom had not. But how hard could it be?

“Okay, well if you want some help, let me know. I'll send you the link to the recipe we usually use.”

“’kay. Thanks Mount,” he said and made his way back to the kitchen.

Phantom had watched Swiss or Mountain make edibles on a few occasions, but he pulled up Mountain's recipe. He quickly realized it was a little more complicated than he thought. There was pre-baking, and making a butter, and making the brownies from scratch? Phantom looked at the box mix he found at the back of the pantry. It would have to do.

Soon, the kitchen was a wreck. Measuring cups and bowls were everywhere as Phantom filled their shared space with aroma of baked cannabis. It brought some of the other ghouls out of their room to investigate his baking endeavor.

“Fucking hell, Phantom, what are you doing in here?” Dew was the first to appear as Phantom took the roasted leaves out of the oven.

“My best,” Phantom wiped away some sweat from his brow, glancing at Dew. “This looks much easier when Swiss does it.”

Dew chuckled, hopping up to sit on the counter and watch.

“That’s because Swiss has seen every episode of Great British Baking Show and thinks that makes him star baker.”

Phantom threw some butter in a saucepan and started to combine the components of the brownie mix.

“I believe it. This shit is harder than I thought.”

Dew chuckled, jumping down from the counter and ruffling Phantom’s hair on his way out the back door. “Just follow the instructions, you’ll be fine.”

Phantom sighed, returning to his project.

Cumulus and Cirrus also came by, taking a few finger fulls of leftover batter after Phantom had his bake in the oven. Mountain came by briefly while he sat in front of the oven watching them rise.

“Looks good, Iron Chef,” he smiled, patting him on the back. “Did you make them with or without walnuts?”

“With.”

“Oh fuck, yeah. Be sure to save me one.”

Phantom smiled, feeling a bit better about his baking skills. When the brownies finally came out, they looked just like the ones the others have made. He cleaned up while they cooled, and delivered a generous piece to Swiss’s room for when he returned. Phantom thought about also enjoying one, but a text from Rain about a quick rehearsal tabled that plan. He cut himself a small sliver just to test out the taste, satisfied with the fudgey texture and gooey taste.

“Something is still missing,” Dew tapped his chin. They had spent the last hour and a half rehearsing some new bits for the rituals and testing out a few riffs. One in particular was giving them some trouble. “Maybe we should get Swiss down here. See if he has an idea or if adding a fourth balances it better.”

Rain put down his bass. “Yeah, I’ll go find him.” He left the practice room and headed toward the living quarters. In the meantime, Dew and Phantom continued to run through the bridge of the song.

Suddenly, rapid, running footsteps echoed up the hall. Both of the ghouls turned to find Rain looking pale and panicked.

“Something's wrong with Swiss,” he said, motioning for them to follow. They put their instruments down and ran to Swiss’s room. Phantom could hear the sound of retching from the hallway, which eerily stopped the moment they got into his room.

They found Swiss slumped beside the toilet, eyes unfocused as he barely registered Rain and Dew dropping to his side.

“Swiss,” Dew cupped his cheeks, trying to get the dazed ghoul to focus on him. “Swiss!” The only sound the ghoul made was some weak whimpering. The most he seemed to move was when he’d start to gag and lurch toward the toilet. Rain sat beside him, rubbing his back and looking at the others with concern.

“What do we do?”

“What is even wrong with him? He's sweating like he's back in the pits, but he doesn't feel feverish,” Dew said, hugging his arms across his body. “Food poisoning?”

“I don’t know, Dew, he’s pretty out of it.”

“Is he on something?”

Rain shrugged, “we just got back right before we started rehearsal. He didn’t have anything when he was with me.”

Suddenly, it dawned on Phantom. He looked back at the place he left Swiss’s brownie.

The plate was empty.

“Shit,” Phantom turned back to the others, suddenly starting to panic. “Shit, I made brownies earlier. Swiss had one.”

Dew’s eyes widened “How big?”

Phantom estimated with his fingers. “Not bigger than what Swiss has given me before.”

“Did he eat more than what you brought him or something?”

Rain stayed with Swiss while Dew and Phantom rushed to the kitchen where Mountain was coincidentally opening the pan of brownies.

“Mountain, wait!” Phantom yelled, startling the drummer into dropping the plastic knife on the ground.

“What?”

“Swiss is sick. Maybe because of the brownies,” Dew explained. Phantom grabbed the pan, sighing in relief to find only the piece he cut for Swiss missing.

“He only had what I gave him.”

“Well what was the dosage?”

“Whatever the instructions said, Dew, I don’t know!”

The room started heating up with Dewdrop as the epicenter. “Phantom, you saw Swiss— this is not the fucking time for I don’t know, I need some fucking number—”

“Guys,” Mountain yelled over them, the bag of weed, that now had a sizable dent in it, in hand. His face was especially serious. “Phantom, where is the extra butter?”

He stared at Mountain blankly. “What do you mean?”

“You followed the recipe I told you? Pre-baked the amount you usually see Swiss and me make, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then where’s the leftovers? The recipe is for triple the amount of butter you should have used.”

Phantom suddenly felt like he was going to throw up. “I-I didn’t know that.”

“Shit,” Mountain cursed as Rain called down the hall for more help. Mountain went running, leaving Phantom feeling numb and a majorly heated Dew.

“I thought you were following the instructions,” Dew said, his eyes starting to flicker red, like embers in a fire trying to kindle.

“I was, but I was looking at the butter recipe Mountain told me to use and also reading the back of the brownie box and— and, I guess… I guess I got confused,” Phantom ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the roots. Dew huffed, turning to go back to Swiss’s room. When Phantom started to follow, the fire ghoul whirled around, eyes fully glowing now.

“You’ve done enough, Phantom. We’ll take care of him.”

He left Phantom standing awkwardly in the hallway, his guilt feeling like a tight wire wrapped around his neck. He stood there until his anger kicked in. Phantom marched into the kitchen, grabbing the pan of brownies and slamming them into the trash can with such force the metal pan bent at a ninety degree angle.

He was angry at Dew. At the fucking instructions for being confusing. At Mountain for not telling him when he was leaving for the dispensary. Really, he was just furious at himself. How did he possibly think that much weed was supposed to go into one batch of brownies? What kind of idiot didn’t double check the recipe when making an edible?

Phantom banished himself to his room, throwing around a few things before collapsing on his bed in a fit of guilt-soaked tears.

Rain think he preferred it when Swiss was vomiting.

After the last time he hugged the toilet, just as Phantom and Dew went to check the kitchen, Swiss had a moment of improved coherence.

“Rain,” he mustered, spitting into the toilet. It was a relief just to hear him have some sort of orientation to what was happening around him. That relief was quickly thwarted by what followed, “I don’t… feel… good,” he said, his voice slurring and slowing. Rain had to lunge to catch Swiss’s dead weight as he suddenly collapsed.

“Fuck!” he yelled, pressing two fingers to his neck. Ghoul vessels did have heartbeats— usually slower than humans— but present. Even for a ghoul, though, Swiss’s was faint. “Dew! Phantom! I need you!”

To his surprise, Mountain was the first to arrive at his aid, helping Rain pull Swiss out of the bathroom and into the more spacious bedroom.

“He just passed out,” Rain said, obsessively checking the pulse points in Swiss’s neck and wrist.

“He’s greening out bad,” Mountain sighed, looking up at Rain with dismay. “Phantom fucked up the edible ratio. It won’t kill him, but we need to watch him until he comes down.”

Swiss’s eyes finally fluttered open again. Still unfocused, and even more out of it than before. Dew appeared at the door, chest heaving with anger. Phantom was nowhere to be found. Mountain took one look at Dew and shook his head.

“Out.”

That didn’t help Dew’s fury. “Excuse me?”

“You’re hot right now. You know he gets sensitive to emotions when he’s high, and right now the last thing we need is him panicking when he can barely comprehend why he’s panicking. You can come back when you cool off.”

Dew looked like he wanted to bite off Mountain’s head, but he did back out of the room.

“Mounty,” Swiss muttered, briefly focusing on the earth ghoul’s face. His hand limply waved, and Mountain grabbed it from the air and squeezed.

“Hang in there, bud. You’re gonna be okay.”

Swiss felt like he was dying.

Or locked in some shadow dimension. Either was possible.

Maybe this was the purgatory thing he’s heard so much about. A land between heaven and hell. It would explain why he felt like the world was melting between his fingers while also feeling like he was floating. He was burning hot and doused in sweat, but also wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in blankets.

A lot of contradictions. The only thing Swiss was sure about was that his stomach fucking hurt.

His head was in the toilet again. Throat burning. A hand rubbed his back and he tried to focus on that instead of the sour taste in his mouth.

Then darkness.

Maybe he was dying.

Sometimes he’d hear some voices. Muted, warped voices he could hardly identify.

One came through clearly. Swiss couldn’t quite identify what was being said, but he knew it was Mountain.

Mountain sounded upset. Swiss frowned working hard at trying to focus on the slow moving blobs around him so he could find Mountain.

A warm hand took his.

Fingers tinkered with his hair.

Touched his blazing skin.

He hoped he wasn’t sick.

They would also get sick if that was the case.

“You can sleep, Swiss miss.”

“We’ll keep you safe.”

Swiss didn’t want to sleep. He was exhausted to the point he couldn’t move, but sleeping seemed like something he wasn’t supposed to do. Like he’s fully succumb to the darkness.

Like he’d wake up in the pit.

His throat suddenly felt tight. Fingers tingled. He tried to suck in more air, but his lungs were sluggish. Slow as the rest of him. Swiss fought, feeling his body being turned. Being lifted and then put down again—

“I don’t wanna go!” he tried to scream, but only parts of it made it to his mouth.

Pressure on his cheeks. A hand on his chest. Swiss’s vision dotted for a few moments before realizing Rain was nose-to-nose with him, his ocean blue eyes pleading for something Swiss couldn’t hear over the sound of ringing in his ears. He looked at Rain’s lips come together and split in the shape of the word breathe.

I’m trying, he wanted to say, but he had no breath to do it.

Rain pressed on his chest. Tapped a pattern that Swiss took to mean as cues to breathe in and out. He tried— and struggled— to follow them at first, but soon fell into rhythm. He felt his body start to relax. His fingers regained feeling. Swiss felt the air fully inflate his lungs, hold, and exit with a slow whoosh.

Slowly, he faded into sleep.

Swiss woke up feeling like he had been dropped in boiling water. He was drenched, the feeling of his clothes on his skin making him nauseated all over again. Feeling a little more mobile, Swiss grabbed at his shirt, trying to ease it over his head.

“Woah, woah, woah, what’s wrong?” a voice asked. Dew's voice.

“’m fucking hot,” Swiss said, back, trying and failing to make it over his head. Frustration started making him upset, and he took a break from his shirt and clumsily pulled at the drawstring of his sweatpants instead.

“Okay, let me help you,” Dew whispered, swatting Swiss’s hands away. Swiss stood still as Dew dropped his pants and helped pull his shirt off. The cool air on his burning skin was a relief, but Swiss still didn’t feel comfortable. He grabbed his underwear, but Dew caught his wrist.

“Those too?” he asked hesitantly.

Swiss nodded, trying to jerk out of Dew’s grasp, but being unsuccessful. Dew sighed and released him, and Swiss finally felt at ease.

He stood there until his body temperature felt normal again.

Then he realized he was fucking freezing. He slumped back on the bed, grabbing as many blankets at possible while Dew watched him, dumbfounded.

“Cold now, Swissy?”

“Freezing. Cuddle me, Dew?”

The fire ghoul groaned, and something landed on Swiss’s face.

“Okay, but you have to put your drawers back on.”

That seemed like a fair exchange. Swiss slipped on his underwear and opened his arms for Dew to come warm him up. The fire ghoul dropped into Swiss’s arms, muttering something about how he “better not puke on him”.

Swiss’s throat was dry when he woke up again. HIs room was dim. Less chaotic than before. Swiss tried to roll to his back, but found something blocking him.

Or someone.

“Swiss?” a soft voice asked, moving so he could plop onto his back. It was Mountain staring down at him with concerned hazel eyes.

“I’m falling off the bed,” Swiss muttered, weakly trying to shove at the massive drummer. Mountain’s concern shifted to mild amusement, and he gave Swiss some more space.

“Just making sure you don’t aspirate, Swissy.”

Satanas, his head was pounding. Swiss flopped down on Mountain’s chest, finding some comfort in the feeling of his heartbeat under his cheek.

“Is he awake?” Rain asked, walking in with Dew in tow.

“He is,” Swiss answered. “He is also so fucking thirsty.”

“Good,” Rain handed him some brightly colored drink. Swiss stared at is suspiciously until he explained. “Electrolytes.”

“Oh. Thought you were trying to poison me,” Swiss muttered, and slowly sipped at the cool beverage.

“That would be Phantom,” Dew muttered, quickly getting an elbow to the ribs from Rain. Swiss looked at them, confused.

“What about Phantom?” His bandmates looked at him and then one another. Swiss couldn’t tell if it was guilt or pity, but he didn’t like it either way. “Whatever it is, fucking tell me.”

“He’s usually pissy when he’s almost down,” Mountain said as though Swiss wasn’t sitting right fucking there.

“Think he’s good enough to tell him?” Rain asked.

“For fuck’s sake,” Swiss pinched the bridge of his nose. Rain placed a hand on his knee.

“Did you eat the brownie Phantom baked for you?”

Swiss slowly dropped his hand, the realization of his pre-nap snack hitting him the moment Rain said it.

“Yeah… it was good, but I’m guessing maybe a little too much?”

Dew scoffed. “At least triple the dose you usually do.”

That certainly explained why he felt like he was on a different plane of existence earlier.

“Damn. Uh, how bad was I?” They looked at each other again. That, and the fact they looked exhausted pretty much answered his question. He also realized Phantom wasn’t among them. “And where’s Phantom?”

Dew pressed his lips together. “I, uh, told him to stay out of the way.”

From the way Mountain and Rain exchanged a glance, Swiss had a feeling it was a little more than that. He sighed, pushing himself up to try and stand, but a rush to his head made him topple right back down.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Dew asked.

“To see Phantom. Make sure he’s not beating himself up over this.”

“You can barely stand still!”

Swiss looked at Dew. “Then go get him!”

Dew looked at Rain, who shook his head. The usually calm water ghoul looked at Dew sternly. “I’m not the one who yelled at him. Go fix it.”

With a groan, Dew departed. Swiss laid back in his bed, focusing on a singular point on the ceiling until the spinning stopped.

“Hey Rain?” he asked after awhile.

“Yeah?”

Swiss ran his hand over his bare chest and thighs. “When did I strip?”

He chuckled. “A few hours ago.”

“Why?”

“Dew said you wanted cuddles.”

Swiss sat with that for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah... that checks out. Can you grab me some clothes, please?”

Phantom wasn’t sure what to do. He snuck down near Swiss’s room a few times to try and gauge what was going on, but couldn’t quite get a complete read. Things seemed to calm down at least. Less sounds of vomiting. Rain, Mountain, and Dew had begun to take shifts of just one or two of them staying with Swiss at a time. Phantom wanted to assume the best, but he still felt his worst.

So he shut himself in his room. Lights off, so his main source of light was the glow of iridescent constellations on his ceiling.

Swiss had helped him put those up. And Phantom had basically poisoned him. What a good packmate he was.

Because he wanted to torture himself, Phantom looked back at the recipe for the butter. Sure enough, it clearly called for almost four times the amount of butter he used— if he had just fucking read it correctly, Swiss wouldn’t be spending the night worrying about choking on his own vomit.

Hot tears ran down Phantom’s face. Though he had formed some great connections with the others, he was still so new. Would they send him away after this? Would any of them trust him again? He ruminated on these increasingly destructive thoughts until there was a soft knock at his door.

“Phantom?” Dew said through the door. “You in there?”

“Yeah,” called, his voice raspy from crying. The door opened slowly, and in came Dew. He was much less angry than usual, but still seemed a little peeved. After taking in the dark room and Phantom curled up on his bed, his face softened.

“Hey…” Dew said, sitting on the edge of Phantom’s bed. To his surprise, the fire ghoul reached out and put a warm hand on Phantom’s calf. “Swiss is okay.”

“He is?”

“A little loopy still and post-high cranky, but yeah. He’s asking for you.”

Phantom bit his lip, curling more into himself. “He’s pissed, isn’t he?”

Dew’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Swiss? At you? Not at all.”

“You are.”

Dew sighed, pressing his fingers together in his lap. “I was. But, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I was mad and… and scared. Really scared.” Dew looked at him with with this sad expression. “Sorry for taking it out on you.”

Phantom finally sat up, pulling Dew into a hug before he could protest. The lead guitarist hugged him back, pinching his cheek as they pulled apart. “I hope you know you’re banned from baking, though.”

“Fair enough,” Phantom said, smiling for the first time in hours.

They went to Swiss’s room where Rain and Mountain were perched on his bed with them. When Phantom entered, they grew quiet, and started to move out of the way. Swiss opened up his arms.

“C’mere Phantom,” he said with a grin.

All the stress of the last several hours of soaking in self-doubt and guilt came tumbling down at once. Phantom practically tackled Swiss as he dove into his arms, reveling in the joyful laugh the multi-ghoul let out as he squeezed Phantom tightly.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Phantom said into Swiss’s shirt.

“Don’t be, Twinkle Toes, that brownie was fucking fire. Perfect ratio of gooey, but not underbaked. And truly flattered you thought I could handle that much THC.”

“It did seem like a lot…”

“I fuckin’ bet,” Swiss chuckled. “It’s okay, though. I’m good. Sometimes I need a green out every so often. Keeps me humble.”

“Also freaks us the hell out,” Rain said. Swiss pressed his lips together, almost like he felt guilty about being basically incapacitated. He reached out toward the others, and Phantom felt the bed dipped as Rain joined the huddle. Mountain and Dew soon followed, encapsulating the two of them in their body heat and weight.

“Thanks for taking care of me, you guys.”

#cw panic attack #cw overdose #new oneshot just dropped!#fic #ghost band #ghost ghouls #swiss ghoul #phantom ghoul #rain ghoul #dew ghoul #sodo ghoul #mountain ghoul #green out #recreational marijuana use #weed shenanigans but make it angsty #negativeyield

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neptune-lover · 1 year

Text

Pregnant? Pt5

Tag list: @hauntedpostpersona @moxkindagirl @babybatlover

Tw: talks of pregnancy, mentions of death and miscarriage, mentions of vomit/throwing up and mentions of sex, use of their real names

It have been 10 minutes and almost like deja vu here you were sitting with your partners in a circle around the faced down pregnancy test but this time it was Rhea's instead Y/n's. "Ok it should be time to flip it over now" Y/n said "I'm nervous I mean I know ow I haven't had any symptoms but still what if it is positive"Rhea said in a shakey voice. " It's okay Demi I already have a doctors appointment to double check that the test was correct and I am actually pregnant. That's actually why I hadn't told you guys"Y/n had said . "I would like that to come with you and get checked also" Rhea said sheepishly " Of course baby" Y/n said "I'll flip it over for you Dem" Damian said. "Thank you Luis" Rhea sighed in relief "of course" Damian said as he picked the test up and turned it so it was face up but only so he can see it. He kept a straight face almost like Becky had yesterday he passed it to Finn who passed it to you who passed it to Dominik. All of you kept straight faces Dominik handed the test to Rhea and she gaps "holy crap it's positive". You all get smiles on your faces when Y/n start crying but not from happiness but sadness " What's wrong bunny" Rhea asks. "I'm just scared the last time I was pregnant it ended up being a miscarriage. I'm scared it might happen again." Rhea hugs the Y/n and says"Bunny it's gonna be okay we know what happened last time but I promise we will do everything in our power to keep both the baby and you safe we won't let anything happen to the baby or you that could affect the baby." "Ya we won't let anything bad happen to our little beans" Dominik said "Little beans really" Finn said "What that's about what they are the size of right now" Dominik stated "that's true" Damian chimed in. All this bickering between the boys made Y/n chuckle. "There's that smile" Rhea said "Our appointment is in 3 days so we have a few days till then so can we just chill for the rest of today " Y/n said. "Sounds good to me you guys wanna have a movie day then" Damian asked "YES" Rhea and Y/n shouted at the same time. "Can we watch the greatest showman(AN: you can change this to a different movie if wanted) " Y/n asked "Ofc we can Princess" said Finn. And with that you guys snuggled into bed and watch movies for the rest of the day.

I hope you guys enjoyed part 5 I have so many ideas for this series and feel free to keep requesting stuff for me to write

#finn balor x reader #poly! judgement day x reader #the judgement day #wwe x reader #dominik mysterio x reader #demi bennett x reader #damian priest x reader #rhea ripley x reader

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itwasthereaminuteago · 2 years

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|| From Ashes ||

Pairing: Frank Castle X F!reader

Rating: M

Tags/warnings: unexpected pregnancy (wrap it before you tap it!), bit of angst and small scuffle between Frank+Matt, birth (not explicit), fluff.

A/n: I am not at all interested in having kids but I look at Frank and he somehow just makes me broody as fuck. Also I have limited knowledge of childbirth so please don't come for me with my inaccuracies 😅

If you like my stuff, I'd really appreciate a reblog ♥️

You'd talked about it before, you both wanted to start a family at some point, but that was sometime way off in the future, after all the shit that he was caught up in was taken care of. Frank said it wasn't safe for you and you had agreed. But one day...

The night before the explosion at the docks, not that you could have any idea he wouldn't be coming home, you'd begged him to fuck you raw. You'd had to talk him round to it. Of course you were on the pill and usually always used condoms, but that night for whatever reason you just wanted to feel him.

"Better be careful darlin' or I'll put a baby in you."

The sound you made and the way you felt when those words left his lips and hit your ears you'll never forget.

"Oh, you like the sound of that sweetie?"

In the midst of the gut-wrenching grief and fog of confusion after Frank was gone you'd missed a couple of days of pills but didn't think anything of it. After all, what were the chances? A few weeks later you put the skipped period down to extreme stress, it had happened before. Now you were here, crumpled on the bathroom floor with five positive pregnancy test sticks confirming the real reason behind your 'vomiting bug".

You didn't know what you were going to do. The only thing you were certain of is that you were keeping it.

When you had asked Matt to meet you it was as if he already knew something was up. Aside from the obvious hammering of your heart with nerves, "you smell different", he'd told you.

"I'm pregnant".

That was the first time you'd actually said it out loud.

It suddenly made everything real and you didn't even realise you were crying into Matt's chest as he held you and promised it would all be okay.

When you went for your first scan you realised that your wage from your shift at Josie's wasn't going to cut through the upcoming hospital bills alone. Matt insisted on helping you with the finances but you didn't want a hand out, you wanted to work.

"Well, Nelson, Murdock and Page are actually doing pretty good now, and as we're so busy we could really use some help. How about you come work for us?"

You couldn't thank him enough.

Now it was time. Once you were checked into to the hospital and given a room, Karen and Foggy helped you get settled in and comfortable while Matt gave the nurse some more information.

"Mr Castiglione?"

Matt nodded, going along with your preference of Frank's old moniker and pretending to be your partner. You didn't want to take any unnecessary risks and Matt was more than happy to be there for you.

"Okay, you say the contractions started around an hour ago, and she was feeling a little dizzy?"

"Yes," Matt confirmed, "I think her blood pressure might be low. Will her and the baby be okay?"

The nurse nodded. "We'll keep monitoring her as normal but it's looking fine at the moment, contractions are still quite far apart. Certainly nothing to worry about."

She turned to you. "If they start coming closer together you just let me know, but for now try and relax as best you can honey."

Matt cocked his head as he picked up the radio call of one of the police officers at the opposite end of the floor. A fight underway in an alley a couple of streets away, suspected armed gangland conflict. He looked over at you talking with the others.

"Uh, I'm just gonna go pick up some snacks and water for you from the store round the corner okay?"

You nodded, "thanks Matty, don't be too long, no idea when this baby's coming!"

"Don't worry, be back in no time."

Was it irony that tying up the last loose ends of Frank's past had brought him right back to Hell's Kitchen? When this was over maybe he could finally work out how to come back to his life, back to you.

He'd put three of the gang he'd been chasing down already before a familiar masked pain in the ass jumped down from the fire escape landing in front of him.

"The fuck you doin' here Red?" Frank spat, flooring the last goon with headbutt.

Matt approached him. "Was in the area, heard a ruckus. The usual. Sure as hell didn't expect it to be you somehow..."

Frank chuckled, "yeah I'll bet, you feel like fightin' a ghost?" He inched towards the Devil.

Matt was on his guard. "Not here to fight you Frank but you gotta come with me. Now."

"Nah, nah, you're comin' with me, gonna tell me where my girl is."

"Listen, how long have you been away?" Matt asked him, circling Frank and keeping his distance.

"Had stuff I needed to take care of, what the fuck is it to you?"

"Nine months, Frank. You've been gone nine months."

"Why the fuck does that matter? Where is she?" He roared. "Went to the apartment and most of her stuff is gone... looks like she ain't been there for a while. I know you know, Red. You were always close."

"She's been living with me the last few months-"

Frank charged forward with a growl, aiming to kick Matt square in the chest but he dodged away before he could connect.

"Oh, right yeah! I get it. I'm barely dead and you just slide on in, huh? Real gentleman." He span around fast, popping his elbow up and smashing it into Matt's face making him stagger back, blood gushing from his nose. "If you were anyone else I'd fuckin kill you. But I won't, for her sake."

"Jesus Frank, you've got it all wrong," Matt wiped his nose and spat out the blood in his mouth. "if you'd just stop trying to beat the shit out of me and let me explain!"

Frank grabbed him by the throat, slamming him against the roof door. "Yeah I'd fuckin' love to hear how you think you can get out of this one "

Matt choked, swatting and wrenching at Frank's arm but he was running on pure rage and too strong, his dark eyes blazing into Matt's unfocused ones.

He swallowed, "she came to me... 'bout a month or so after you were gone..."

Frank's grip tightened. "She came to you?"

Matt tried to get the words out as fast as he could given the circumstances.

"Hngh-... s-she was scared, she'd just found out she... she was pregnant. She was worried about money, worried she couldn't cope. Karen, Foggy and I... we've looked after her, made sure she has everything she needs."

Frank choked as he processed Matt's words.

"Pregnant? W-what? Who's... is it yours?!" He pushed Matt into the wall.

Matt spluttered out an incredulous laugh, "Think about it Frank,"

He turned it over in his mind, you were his everything, all he wanted was to keep you safe, and him ending up 'dead' had the perfect way to do it. He could hunt down every single threat from his past and blow them away easy. It had taken him almost all the way across the country in about nine months. Nine fucking months...

"Fuck." Frank released his hold on Matt and fell down to his knees.

"My girl, she- she's..." He ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head. Matt coughed, trying to get his breath back as he straightened up, laying his hand on Frank's shoulder.

"She's in Metro General right now. I've been trying to tell you, c'mon I'll take you to her."

They entered the hospital through a service door at the rear, Matt guiding them through the corridors without drawing attention to an vacant locker room. He gestured at a shelf of clean scrubs opposite as Frank checked behind them was clear before closing the door.

"Clean up as best you can and put those on. Can't have you waltzing in there looking like you just beat some Russian gangsters to a bloody pulp, huh?"

Frank grunted, shedding his bloodsoaked, dirty shirt and donning the blue scrubs and borrowing a hoodie hanging on a peg before heading to the sink in the corner, washing his hands and splashing his face with water.

He paused gripping the edge of the sink, leaning over it. Bloody droplets fell onto the stainless steel and trickled down the drain.

"You ready?" Matt called, taking off and shoving the makeshift mask he was wearing under some trash in the bin.

Frank shook his head slowly. "I'm scared Red, christ.'

"I think that's normal...."

"I mean, I'm fucking terrified." He started pacing, "what if I go in that room and she... she doesn't want me?"

"She will Frank. She does. She loves you, she never stopped loving you."

Frank looked up at him.

"C'mon," Matt said, opening the door. "you don't want to miss this."

As they headed up to your room, Matt filled Frank in.

"Her water broke after I uh, made her laugh a bit too much..."

"Typical." Frank mused.

"Mild contractions started a couple hours ago, they're still pretty far apart but I brought her in early as her blood pressure was low," Matt sensed Frank's immediate concern. "She's fine, she's okay. Baby's heart is strong."

Frank chuckled in disbelief, "you can hear that?"

Matt smiled, shrugging, "yeah."

"Jesus. Can you tell what it is, I mean, does she know... boy or girl?"

Matt smirked. "No, she didn't want to know. And I'm not that good Castle. It's a... surprise."

Frank laughed nervously as he followed him around the next corner. "Damn right it is."

Frank froze in the doorway when he saw you, lying propped up on the bed hooked up to a monitor. You were talking to Karen. A little bit of sweat beaded your forehead. He could see the rounded swell of your stomach under the sheet that covered you. He'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

"Matty, you're back! What the hell happened to you?" You exclaimed, seeing the bruises on his face, eyes flicking to the hooded figure in scrubs beside Matt.

"...Karen, they've definitely not given me any drugs yet have they? This baby's making me crazy, I thought I saw Frank standing next to Matt."

You watched Karen stare at the doorway, her jaw opening and closing silently.

"He- he is." She finally said in disbelief.

"Karen don't joke, Frank's dead."

You laughed as the Frank-shaped hallucination belted across the room to your side and gently grabbed your hand.

"What? This... isn't real... he's- you're dead." You stuttered, trying to comprehend the fact you could feel him squeezing your hand, his eyes fixed on yours, glittering with tears about to fall. "But, you're dead..." you choked out.

Matt rubbed at his throat, his voice still hoarse and raw, "I promise you he's real, and very much alive."

"Sweetheart." Frank's voice was small, rough and choked up but there was no mistaking it. He raised your hand to his lips and kissed, brushed your hair back out of your face and kissed you on the forehead. He said your name, it was just like the dream you had on so many nights but the warmth of his lips that you thought you'd never ever feel again was so solid and real and here. You flung your arms around him pulling him as close as you were able to. Holding on to him so he wouldn't disappear again.

"Frank! Oh my god Frank-"

He nuzzled against your neck, kissing you there too. "I'm here baby, I'm so sorry! God I've missed you so so much." You breathed each other in, you were whole again.

You cried, he cried, Karen cried, even Matt was blinking away tears.

Frank finally found your lips and almost kissed the breath from you. You held him there for a long moment, foreheads touching, before letting him go and smacking him in the face with your right hook.

He rubbed at his jaw, moving it from side to side. "Yeah, I deserve that."

"Fucking right you do, where the hell have you been?! I thought you were dead! We all did!"

He sat beside you on the bed. "I know, god I wanted to tell you, to see you..." he kissed your fingers again. "there were things I needed to take care of you to keep you safe, and it meant that I couldn't come back. I didn't know that... that you- fuck if I'd known..."

"That I'm having your baby? Our baby."

"I'm so sorry honey, sorry I wasn't there for you. Shit, I've really missed everything, the scans... wasn't even there to rub your feet..."

"Not much to miss, just me growing to the size of and looking like a beached whale. Anyway, Matt and Foggy gave A+ foot rubs."

Frank dipped his head. "Shit, I owe you guys, big time. You came through for my girl. I'll make it up to you I swear."

Matt shrugged, "you don't have to, nothing we wouldn't have done anyway. Just glad you're back Castle."

"Yeah," Karen added, smiling, "you're where you belong."

Just then Foggy returned from the coffee run. "Sorry it took so long, the guy in front punched the machine and actually broke it because it wouldn't give him change so I had to go-" he clocked the hooded figure crouched by your side stroking your hair. "Castle..?"

Matt reached out catching hold of the coffee cups before Foggy dropped them out of shock.

"Holy shit... I guess daddy's home?!""

"Good to see ya Nelson." Frank nodded before turning back to you.

"Anyway, you ain't the size of a whale, you look beautiful, doesn't she?" He looked to the others for some backup.

You snorted, "oh yeah, ask the opinion of my best friends, one of whom is blind..."

Matt just grinned while Foggy and Karen clamoured to assure you that you looked great.

"Well you're fucking gorgeous, and I love you." Frank said as he kissed your lips again. You saw his eyes flick down to your belly as he sat back.

"I love you too, so much. Here," you say, pulling your gown up a little way and taking his hand and placing it carefully on your bump.

Frank shook his head, a choked laugh escaping his lips as he felt movement, still not fully believing.

"I swear it's gonna be better at kicking ass than you!" You joked.

He smiled, and you bathed in it. "This is really happening huh?"

"Yeah, and-" You hissed, gritting your teeth as pain suddenly lassoed around your abdomen. "it really fucking hurts!" Frank tried to soothe you as you shifted around trying to get comfortable, you got him to pull you up so you could stand and lean over the bed while he rubbed your lower back.

"You okay?" Matt asked. He tilted his head, a furrow appearing between his brows.

You laughed nervously, "heh yeah, peachy." Another contraction, this time much stronger hit you and you felt like you wanted to bear down. "Oh fuck!" You groaned, your legs buckling with the pain. Matt made to move towards you but Frank caught you and held you up.

"Okay," Foggy said, putting his coffee down, "I'm no expert but I think these contractions are getting a mite closer together, gonna go get someone."

"Thanks Foggy." Frank resumed massaging your back and you hummed with gratitude, bracing yourself for the next round of pain.

"Think this baby decided it's time to meet their daddy..."

The midwife and nurse appeared with Foggy. "Alright, anyone who's not a parent will have to leave. This ain't a party."

Karen squeezed your hand, "we'll be right outside, you've got this."

"Good luck!" Foggy said, kissing your cheek.

"You're gonna be fine sweetie, Frank's gonna take good care of you." Matt said. As he reached for the door you turned to Frank.

"I want him here, please..." Frank nodded, he owed Matt that much and it was your decision.

"Matt will you stay?" You called out to him.

"Of course, if that's okay?" He replied, humbled that you'd asked.

"Can he?" you asked the midwife with pleading eyes.

"Fine, just don't get in the way." She said. "Dad, you come over this side, you're gonna be her squeeze toy and help her breathe okay?"

"Yes ma'am." Frank replied, taking your clammy hand in his as you focused on him.

Matt sat on the opposite side, his fingers locking between yours.

The midwife checked you over. "Alright honey it's time to push, nice big deep breaths for me, here we go."

A girl.

Frank was so in love with you both and he couldn't do enough to help when he got to take the two of you home. It made your heart burst to see him singing to her, getting up in the middle of the night to help feed and change her. This was a side of him you'd never seen but you always knew was there.

Matt, Foggy and Karen worked tirelessly to find a way to exhonourate him from the dock incident, and all the other gang hits while he was 'dead' were untraceable back to him anyway. He'd been careful.

You both finally had your own family, as well as your found family, and nothing was ever going to take that away.

#frank castle x female reader #frank castle fic #pregnant reader #frank castle fluff #the punisher fluff #the punisher x reader #punisher fic #frank castle x reader #the punisher x female reader

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hippiegoth97 · 1 month

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hippiegoth97's Fic Master List

Banner by @cafekitsune

Characters/Fandoms I Currently/Will Write For

Stranger Things: Mainly Eddie Munson, but I’ll write any adult and older teen characters (portrayed at least 18+), I WILL NOT age up child characters

The X-Files: Fox Mulder

Fargo: Gator Tillman

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Giles, Spike, Angel, Drusilla, Faith, Buffy, Willow (Basically anyone except Xander, all portrayed as 18+)

Ghostbusters: Egon Spengler

Once Upon a Time: Killian Jones, Regina Mills

Slumber Party Massacre 2: Driller Killer

Pretty in Pink: Stef McKee (18+)

Current Works

Into the Fire (Eddie Munson x Female Reader) Master List

Last Christmas (Eddie Munson x Female Reader) Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3

You’re A Winner (Gator Tillman x Female Reader)

I Want to Believe (Fox Mulder x Female Reader)

Roam Pt.2 (Rockstar Eddie Munson x Female Reader)

Diary of a Hawkins Hussy (Stranger Things x Female Reader) Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7

Upcoming Projects

Dream a Little Dream of Me (Driller Killer x Female Reader)

Who Ya Gonna Call? (Egon Spengler x Female Reader)

Watch Me (Giles x Female Reader)

You’ve Got Me Hooked (Killian Jones x Female Reader)

If You Leave (Stef McKee x Female Reader)

I Want to Believe Pt. 2 (Fox Mulder x Female Reader)

Requests

As you can see, I have a pretty full plate as it is. If you make a request, the most I’ll feasibly be able to do is blurbs. I may possibly do a one-shot, if the idea sparks strong inspiration in me. I’m open to most things, but there are some things I WILL NOT WRITE. I'm not shaming or judging anyone who writes/enjoys them, I'm just not comfortable writing these subjects:

Rape/Non-con (I’ll write references/flashbacks to past sexual assault if it’s beneficial to the story. But no rape fantasy)

Incest/Stepcest

Cheating (In a positive light)

Anything relating to Minors

Watersports/Scat/Vomit Kink

Omegaverse (I honestly just don’t know enough about it)

Pregnancy/Breeding Kink

Pretty much anything else is on the table, so have at it!

Tag List: @rafescurtainbangz @voyeurmunson @xxbimbobunnyxx @taintedcigs @mediocredreams @slowandsteddie @angel-munson @eldermayfield @munsonsbtch @babygorewhore @rattkween86 @violetpixiedust @bimbobaggins69 @purplehazed-h @morning-rituals @eddie-van-munson @msgexymunson @munsoneightysixx @impmunson @mysticalstar30 @jenniquinn @oneforthemunny @succubusmunson @ddeadly-succubus @prettyboyeddiemunson @sanctumdemunson @stalactitekilla @s6raphic @hellfirenacht @birdysaturne @ohmeg @h-ness1944 @pretendthisnameisclever @ahoyyharrington @micheledawn1975 @costellation-hunter @josephquinnsfreckles (Please let me know if you ever want to be added or removed from the list!)

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runningfrom2am · 11 months

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the sea around us; chapter nine

In which Rafe Cameron has to choose between his dad and a pogue who's changing his outlook on life more and more every day.

(rafe cameron x f!oc)

(eventual!jj maybank x f!oc)

warnings/tags: violence, drug/alcohol use, smoking, sexual content (if you squint), slowburn, older brother’s best friend, (these tags are obv not exhaustive but regardless it’s pretty PG13)

wc: 2.6k

my masterlist

series masterlist

requests

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When I'm ready to return to the party, I feel like I've absolutely lost my mind. Quite literally, the only thing I feel even remotely capable of thinking about is Rafe. Maybe I love him. Maybe I didn't splash my face with water enough times in the bathroom. I know I'm just drunk.

I pull the door open and start to go for the stairs I came up when I hear a voice behind me. "Hey." Then a whistle, trying to get my attention. I turn, just as I see Rafe standing up straighter from where he was leaning on the wall.

"Oh, hi!" I smile, pushing my slightly damp bangs out of my face. "I was just going to look for you." I can hear the drunk in my own voice. It's so annoying.

"Well, here I am." Rafe grins, holding his drink up to his lips.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, finishing off his drink. "I didn't mean to freak you out or anything, you know, I'm sorry about that." He sounds nervous.

"No, no way. I'm fine. That was fine." I nod nervously, smiling at him. "I didn't mind one bit." I feel my cheeks burning.

I can see Rafe relax a little bit, he looked a little wound up about it. "I just, you know, it felt right." He shrugged. I'm glad he felt the same.

"Ugh- do you know what I really want right now?" I hear myself saying, changing the subject.

"What's that, Snowy?" He asks.

"I would literally die for a hot bath right now." I giggle, leaning back against the wall, and looking up at the ceiling as it spins.

"That can be arranged. Could it wait till we get back to Tannyhill? Or I can find you another bathroom where you won't be bothered.." He suggests and I laugh, shaking my head. I don't remember agreeing to go back with him, but I don't mind. The shower in the guest room that I used the other day was beautiful.

"It definitely can wait. I've made the mistake of having a bath at a party before." I lower my eyes from the ceiling to meet Rafe's.

"You- what?" He chuckles, looking truly confused.

"You heard," I say, giving a slight nod. "Completely naked, door unlocked, everything. There's a picture of me passed out drunk in a tub with a bowl full of my own vomit out there somewhere. I think Kie has it."

"Wow," He laughs. "Here I was thinking that this may be the drunkest you've ever been."

"Not yet, but I'm getting there." I joke, reaching out for his hand so we can go back downstairs. He takes it and has to hold it up a little bit to keep me from falling. "Do we need a ride? I'm kind of ready to go." I ask over the music, which is louder now that we're back on the ground floor.

"I can find someone," Rafe assured me, scanning the room. He's not standing the steadiest either, so he wraps his arms around my shoulders, holding me from behind and resting his chin on the top of my head. He's not nearly sober enough to drive a dirt bike.

"Maybe we can ask Kegs?" I haven't seen him drink." I suggest, looking around for my brother but I don't see him.

"No- no he can't drive. He's been taking shots I think." Rafe said, sounding unsure.

I gasp suddenly, making him jump a little bit. "I'll call John B! No.. that's probably not the best idea. I can call Kie! She'll come to get us." I tell him. "Can I borrow your phone?"

Rafe nods and holds it out to me. "If you're sure she'll be okay with this."

"I'm not gonna hide anything from her, she won't mind. I know it." I smile, taking his unlocked phone and struggling to see the phone app, and then the numbers. It takes me a minute to dial, but finally, I get it and I head for the door. It is much quieter outside. Rafe is close behind me as I run out onto the lawn, laying down in the grass as the phone rings.

"Uh, hello?"

"Kie! Oh my god hi!" I say, waving Rafe away. "Rafe- give me like two minutes okay I want to talk to her," I whisper and he laughs, nodding as he walks back up to the porch and leans against the railing, watching me.

"Snowy? Are you with Rafe Cameron? What are you doing?" Kie sounds shocked, suddenly much more awake.

"Yeah, I am." I giggle. "He invited me to this awesome party at Kelce's, I'm having so much fun."

"That's great Snowy, but why would Rafe invite you to a party?"

"I don't know honestly, but we've been talking all night and we just get along so, so well." I say, looking up at him and waving, which he returns. "Kie, he kissed me," I whisper.

A few seconds of silence follow, and I can practically hear her confusion.

"Snowy, are you for real? Did you want that?" Kie asks quickly, seeming worried.

"No, no Kie I'm fine. I definitely wanted that. He has not left my side all night, and god he is just so pretty. His arms are just so.. ugh, I feel like my heart is going to explode." I giggle. "And! And, he called me Juliette. And I liked it, Kie. Isn't that crazy?"

"Oh my god.." Kie sighs. "Okay, well, if you're happy, I'm happy." She reluctantly says. "Is that what you called to tell me? That you're in love with a Kook?"

"Not exactly, can I ask you for the biggest, biggest favor in the whole wide world?" I ask hopefully.

"You need a ride?"

"We need a ride, to Tannyhill, yeah."

"To Tannyhill. Of course..." I hear her sigh as she gets up out of bed. "Where are you?"

"Uhm... I don't know. One sec." I say, looking around. I know I'm at Kelce's, but I don't know what the address is. "Rafe?" I shout over to him, standing up very unsteadily. He's here in almost an instant.

"Is Kie coming to get us?" He asks.

"Yeah, but I don't know the address." He nods and I pass him the phone, he holds it up to his ear.

"Hey, Kiara." He says, the smile on his face fading a bit as I can hear her say something to him after. "Yeah, no, of course. I just think she'll be more comfortable. She said she wants a bath and we have a bunch at home so she can take her pick." He chuckles. He then tells her the address, and before he hangs up I get as close as I can while he's still got it to his ear, so I can say "I love you" and "thank you" to Kie.

Rafe hangs up and looks at me. "She's not pleased, hey?" He asks and I shrug.

"It's whatever, she supports my decisions. It's JJ I'm worried about." His eyes harden a little when I mention JJ.

"Well, I don't see why he can't suck it up." He said, seeming frustrated with the idea.

"He will at some point," I explain. "Should we do an Irish goodbye? Or.." I suggest and he laughs.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When Kie arrives, Rafe is just finishing up saying goodbye to some friends on the porch, and I run up, jumping in her passenger seat.

"Hey Kie, I appreciate and love you so so so much..." I smile, leaning over and hugging her, she can't help but smile and hug me back.

"Snowy, are you sure about this?" She asks, pulling away and looking at me seriously. "I can take you back to John B's, it's not too far."

"No, Kie, I swear I'm fine. Rafe promised me I could have a bath." I tell her, I love baths, I haven't had a long relaxing bath in probably years.

"Snowy I am so serious right now, be careful." She says quickly as Rafe approaches the car so he doesn't hear. He hops in the back and she gives me a look of uncertainty but agrees to drive us anyway.

Back at Rafe's house, I jump out and run around to Kie's side to open her door and give her a hug.

"I seriously love you so much. You're the best." I tell her, and she hugs me back again.

"I love you too, Snow. Just please be safe. Call me if you need me." She tells me. "Also hurry up and have that bath- you smell like booze." She jokes and I let her go.

"Sorry.." I giggle, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as I step back, almost falling backward from the weight of my backpack, which is still somehow much lighter than it was when we arrived.

"Let's go, Snowy," Rafe says, grabbing my backpack to steady me.

I nod and wave goodbye to Kie, walking up to the house with Rafe while he has his arm around my shoulders. I see him glance back at the car as Kie pulls away.

"I missed her.." I say out loud.

"It was nice of her to drive us." He nods.

"It's so weird they weren't there." I continue as Rafe guides me up the stairs inside the home.

"Shhh... I think my parents and Wheeze are asleep." Rafe shushes me and I nod.

"Right. Sorry." I whisper.

He takes me up to his room and I put my backpack down next to the bed.

"Still want to have that bath?" He asks, walking over to his bathroom and flicking the light on.

"Oh my god, yes please." I smile, already going to pull my shirt off, not having a care in the world if he sees me shirtless.

"Woah, wait- I'll get it running and then you can go in and get ready." He says, laughing a little.

"Sorry." I laugh, embarrassed now as I pull my top back down. He didn't look anyways, I don't think, but still.

"Don't be sorry, it's definitely fine by me, I just don't think you want to do that." He explains vaguely.

He goes into the bathroom and turns on the faucet, grabbing something from under the sink and heading back over to the tub, out of my view.

I lay back on the bed and look around at his posters and everything. He's got a few photos of family and friends, a couple of golf trophies, and some miscellaneous sports or movie posters.

"I didn't know you liked the fast and furious movies." I giggle, sitting up to look at the poster.

"Yeah, they're pretty cool. I don't know, that was a Christmas gift from Sarah a few years ago." Rafe tells me, coming out of the bathroom, and wiping his hands on his shorts. "Bathroom is all yours." He says, coming over to the bed and laying next to me.

"I love those movies," I tell him, turning my head to look his way, seeing he's already staring at me.

"Really? You do?" He smiles, and I can see a glint of something in his eyes, hardly decipherable, but I can tell he's happy. I think he probably likes them more than what he said.

"Yeah, they're some of my favorites." I say, staying there on the bed for a minute before getting up.

"Bath time," I say, walking in and closing the door behind me.

"Thank you!" I say through the door, smiling at the bubbles he put in for me.

"Shout if you need anything!" Rafe replies.

I strip down and get in, feeling the warmth rush over my body and a deep breath leaves my chest. This is instantly the best bath I have ever had.

After a few minutes of laying there with my eyes closed, I realize I'm falling asleep. I don't want to make that mistake again.

"Hey, Rafe?" I ask, hoping he can hear me at a normal volume.

"Yeah?" I hear his response.

"Can you come in here?" I ask, and there's a pause before he replies.

"Are you alright?" He asks, sounding puzzled.

"Yeah. I just want some company."

I pull the glass door of the bath closed and I hear him open the door, I can just see shadows through the glass, and how he opened it just a little to peak in before he fully entered.

He comes in and sits on the ground at the wall next to where my feet are.

"Hi." I giggle.

"Hello there." He replies, laughing a little as well. "How is it?"

"Only the best bath I have ever had in my life," I reply, and I can see him nod.

"I'm glad."

"The bubbles were a nice touch."

"I figured you would like that."

"How did you know?"

"Well, girls like that kind of stuff. And you have a very bubbly personality, I'd say."

I giggle a little bit. "Yeah, it's a fair assumption."

"Can I ask you something?" He asks after a moment.

"Yeah, anything." I say, and a moment of silence follows.

"So, like, what's up with you and the Maybank kid anyways?" He asks.

I sigh and sink down in the water. "Well, nothing. He's my best friend. I love him." I explain.

"I feel like there's more to that story."

"Yeah, a little, but I don't want to talk about it honestly." I admit. "He hurt me, I guess."

"Some best friend he must be if he could hurt you." Rafe says sarcastically.

"I don't think he meant to." I try and justify what happened.

"Did he hit you?"

"No, no way. God no. I mean like, emotionally... I guess." I explain. "But that was a year ago and I know I was just being a baby."

"I doubt that." He says. I can tell by his tone that he still has questions, but he decides to drop it.

"So.. do you want to talk about what happened with us instead?" Rafe asks, after a few moments of quiet.

"The kiss?" I ask, it's a stupid question. Of course, that's what he means.

"Yeah, seriously I'm sorry if I overstepped-"

"Rafe, if you overstepped do you think I would be in your bathtub right now?" I laugh, interrupting him before he gets too carried away.

"Yeah, I guess. I just wanted to make sure I didn't fuck everything up." He says. How could he possibly have fucked anything up?

"You couldn't if you tried, I don't think." I try and ease his worries.

"Snowy, you don't know me apparently- I am the expert on screwing things up."

I frown at that- why would he feel that way? It makes me sad.

"Okay, keep in mind how smashed I am right now when I tell you this," I laugh. "You couldn't fuck it up if you tried because I know I really like you." I hold my breath while I wait for him to say something, trying to hone in on how drunk I'm still feeling so I don't have to admit to myself that I said that to him.

"Alright, now you keep in mind how smashed I am when I say this; I think I really like you too." I feel my cheeks burn as he says that. Keeping in mind how smashed he is, yes, he could be making this up. But, why would he invite me to pre's alone if he didn't at least want to get to know me? That's a good sign. Maybe he just felt the same way about me that I did about him. He's cute, he's nice, I wanted to get to know him and if something happened? Great. If not, I'm fine either way.

"But, before you say anything, I feel bad about how this happened. So please, if you remember this tomorrow, let me take you out sometime." He adds, and I'm surprised about how I could blush more, I'm just glad he can't see me right now.

"Yeah.. yeah I would like that."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

A/N; eeeeee i loved this so much!! i hope you guys are enjoying as much as i am :) -R

#rafe cameron #jj maybank #obx #obx fanfic #outer banks #rafe obx #rafe cameron x oc #jj maybank x oc #rafe fanfiction #rafe fic #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron fluff #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe x y/n #outerbanks

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takami-takami · 9 months

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THANK U FOR THE TAG MWAH MWAH Was tagged by @aquadenks to rec some of my own fics so! Some author's notes too, spoiling the subtext lol but giving some behind the scenes info! I'm just gonna pick my favorites, not so much the ones I'd recommend.

For recomendations: Stray Dogs Will Crawl Home for sfw; How to Fix The Ache or Can't Help Myself for nsfw

My faves:

Nightmares. | angst, hurt/comfort

I wrote this to cope with the GRAGGGHH feeling after watching the Lady Nagant episode. Like I wrote this late as hell at night too in order to be normal. I like the way I wrote the panic, it was fun to try and tweak it to be more in character and make the body language and dialogue believable. I find his theme of corruption and being used by the hpsc and feeling shackled to be very interesting to explore. I had to write the boy being comforted for his past or I'd die.

I Think I Love You. | fluff

The cutest fic I ever wrote. Pure good feelings. I genuinely love this one, I think it's adorable and head-over-heels!Keigo is my weak spot. I giggled so hard to myself when I wrote about the platonic kiss to ground himself. He's so cute. Fuzzy feelings. Happy happy happy.

Happy Birthday. | angst

Pure angst. PURE angst.

I had this in my notes for a long while, actually, and had the idea in my head for longer. It's a catharsis piece, very personal. Whenever I would have a moment related to a Thing, I'd pull out my notes app and work on this and just vomit my feelings onto the page. I still remember stopping in the middle of grabbing groceries and pulling out my phone to type the "what did you make me do" part as soon as I thought of it. Typing outside on my phone like a madman. Very therapeutic. Even though it's my least popular fic (probably because of the subject matter and lack of x reader) it means a tremendous deal to me.

How To Fix The Ache. | smut

The smut fic of the bunch— HEAR ME OUT, this is one of my favorite smut fics so I picked it as a representative (My other favs are Crybaby, Accidents, and Sweet, Sweet Indulgence. Not including the mini drabbles. I can answer which of those I like if anyone's curious!). So I'm putting it here. KEIGO YANKING IT MY BELOVED!! I like the pacing here, the tension building, the payoff at the end where he mcLoses it. Sexually frustrated virgin mess Keigo :(((((.

A Dog Unfed. | angst, hurt/comfort

This is my most recent fic but also another favorite of mine! Literally helped me so bad to write this. Do not know where I would be if I didn't write it. I feel like, I honestly didn't want to turn this into a fanfic at first. It was just supposed to be a thing for only me to see about how I'm feeling because the feeling was overwhelming; but I wanted to share it, so I turned it into a thing with Hawks (which also helped a ton)! I think you can tell, at least in the beginning part. I break the fourth wall at the end a little which I thought was cool but definitely was worried about doing. I let go of a lot of inhibitions and a desire to Appeal to Others when writing this one. Like I told myself when I was writing over and over, "all my writings are mine but this one is Mine." Very special place in my heart. <3

But my FAVORITE fic is still being written. Idk when it will be finished though, it's a big one— I don't like posting chapter by chapter, so I'm just gonna finish all the chapters first and then slam it onto the table hopefully.

Tagging ANYONE steal this. :3

#okay now i will go play pikmin #🐇 rambles #emeto

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yooniesim · 1 year

Note

OK so I agree completely with what Rheall said in that post that no one is above anyone in this community and I get the clique is an illusion sentiment. But you have to admit that when the smaller simblrs watch “Bruce the Dolphin” go round and round the same 30 people what are they supposed to think? Or when they watch simblrs with higher notes re-blog only from other simblrs with the same amount of notes.

We tell them to reblog and interact because you know the more popular simblrs are the same as us but I just think maybe sometimes all of us can do better at cultivating this community. It is nice to reblog posts saying everyone here is valid but how many put that sentiment really into practice?

Well except for the black simblr community. Y’all already do this. Whether someone in large or small, young or old, vanilla or alpha (and everything in between) they are welcomed. Replies and asks are answered and smaller simblrs are reblogged and shouted out. The rest of the community could really take some notes.

Sorry I have been in this community for a long time and just had to to get this off my chest. You don’t even need to reply if you don’t want to. Hopefully you are having a great day even with my word vomit!

Yeah, I do agree with this too nonny (which is why I added some additional tags on that post).

I'm not gonna put words in her mouth or anything cos I can't say, but it felt like maybe she was describing some of the better parts of this community? When you don't interact with or just block certain blogs, your time here gets exponentially better in my experience, it becomes a lot closer to the ideal. But that also goes along with what she said about trying your best not to focus on the notes. Because the fact of the matter is, a lot of the really bigger blogs are kind of assholish, and if you really want a lot of notes regularly you gotta kiss tip to stay in their circle (or somewhat adjacent) and not ostracized/hit with the chain block. And the people that really care about notes will stay walking on eggshells to stay there no matter what happens which creates that toxic, clique-like environment imo. This goes for both of the bigger chunks of the community which I tend to separate between cc makers and non-cc makers in my head. That's just how it is and I don't think that's going to change.

In reality, I think making your experience here better is a mix of the two ideas. Following Rheall's advice is a really good idea and I highly encourage it. But also, you do have to be a little picky about who you interact with in the first place. This is why I'd actually encourage talking a lot to people that are smaller rather than trying to aim for people with huge followings. They're more likely to be friendly and willing to encourage you and spread your posts, and you can gain awesome friends that way. They're less likely to be focused on popularity and more likely to say what they really think. Yes, no one here on simblr is better than anyone else, we're all the same- but some people do think they are better than everyone else, sadly. There's some big egos and nasty souls in this community that simply aren't worth getting wrapped up in, even if they treat you nice for a minute or get you some extra notes. I'm not going to say notes don't matter, we all know they do; but what I'm saying is, I'd rather some real genuine comments from my mutuals than a thousand silent reblogs from people that don't give 1 shit about me, you know? Or a reblog from someone that would turn around and blast me with waves of anon hate cos I disagreed with them. It's not worth it.

Instead, you have no choice but to work hard to cultivate your community for yourself. That includes a) what Rheall mentioned, reaching out to others and being kind, and b) blocking those that display the behaviors you mentioned above. Because you can't make the mistake of expecting them to change- they won't. If I see someone only reblogging from the same people & the same 500+ note posts over and over again, ignoring people in the comments and only speaking to the same people, and constantly circlejerking to nauseating amounts, I just block them. If I see a huge creator that only posts their paywalled cc, never interacts, and ignores the people using & gushing over their content, I block them. And what seems like closing a door is actually opening another. Even now, simblr is a big place, and blocking those blogs won't shut you off from the best part of it. It just blocks that behavior from your view and allows other simblrs and subsets of our community to shine.

I think why black simblr is so good at this is the fact that we are a smaller section of the community, relatively. It's more niche and tight-knit, and there's also a variety of tags you can use to find more. And while some of this section is fairly large (I would say more medium size follower wise), you will notice that most of the super big simblrs are not black simblrs. Or at least, don't interact as much with that subset of the community. You also notice this with most of the big cc creators being non-black as well. (I actually think black simblr is often used as a talking point for more notes at best or punching bag at worst for a lot of big simblr, but that's another discussion entirely.) Common niches will always stick together and promote better in simblr, whether that's based on race or by common interests, such as royal simblrs, simblrs that like kpop, etc. Find simblrs that are similar to you, and that can very well be a launching point to being part of a community you didn't even know was there.

I feel like I'm repeating myself a bit, but what I take away from the discussion as a whole, is not that notes don't matter. Not caring about them can be really hard, that's valid and makes perfect sense for all of us. But more that, what you have to do to get them quickly and consistently, what you have to do to stay there, and the toll on your mental health because of it is not worth it. I have interacted with all kinds of simblrs here in my time, big and small, and a lot of what you see at the perceived "top of the top" is just ugly. There's a lot of jealously, resentment, contempt, and burn-out brewing up there, usually built up from sitting in that same place for years. There's a sense of bitter cynicism that leaves a bad taste in your mouth just from being around it. And it's very easy to get sucked into that and the negativity too, I know that myself. Even though some may joke or mock anyone for talking about it and brush it off as being not that deep or whatever, it's true. It's really not a place or mindset you want to be in.

Apologies for word vomiting back at you so badly lol, but I'll try to wrap it up now. I just really think that, while I wish the dynamics of simblr would change as a whole, that just isn't going to happen. The Reblog Debate comes up every half a year and every time everyone says the same thing and the bigger simblrs cat fight with the smaller simblrs and the vague posts fly out by the thousands and nothing changes either way. The only solution is, honestly, to just aim low and find a few good mutuals here and that's it. Anything more, well, that's a pleasant surprise- right?

#asks #anonymous #ceci speaks #nonsims #ceci speaks a lot more #is this my first long post of 2023?#i told yall i changed 😂#ty for sending this nonny #i enjoyed having a think #and i agree with what u said #especially about black simblr #edit:#i want to add that i had to ask what Bruce the dolphin was lmfao #i had no idea #i consider this an achievement of my extensive blocklist #😂

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 2 months

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Valentine's tag game 💗

I was tagged by @gemini-mama, thank you :)

The most painful love crush/disappointment in life? When the guy I dated last before meeting Danas broke up with me. We dated for about 6 months and he broke up on january 1st, and I just hadn't seen it coming. We had so much fun together and were literally (good) chaos when we saw each other (we later found out we both have adhd lmao), but deep down I also knew we wouldn't last. He wanted kids eventually, and I didn't. I wanted to travel, and he didn't. in general our energies together were just draining eventho we had so much fun. but that break up truly messed me up. however, because we had such a good connection, we are still friends and catch up every now and then (yes, Danas has even met the guy to see there is literally nothing between us anymore other than friendship.) I didn't date anyone after him for most of the year until I met Danas.

What was your first real date like/what do you imagine your first real date like? I can't really remember what my first date was like. I know with who it was but what we did???? no idea lmao

What would be the most awkward situation for you on a date/has happened to you while dating? Travelled through the country to meet some dude and we had a good time until his roommate showed up (a girl) and he asked her to join us???? and they casually pulled out a bong while I was the only one who wasn't into that so??????????/ it was so fucking awkward and honestly never saw him again after that. fuck outta here

What was your first kiss like/what do you imagine your first kiss to be like? A guy lowkey forced kissed me (just a peck on the lips) when I was like 15 and I hated it because I did not like him so yeah that sucked

Do you have any sexual quirks that others would find strange/is there anything you would never do when it comes to sex? i doubt that light BDSM freaks people out here but there's that. I'm a bratty sub(can be a switch when needed). I like to wear lingerie/outfits, be collared, spanked, choked, blindfolded, "manhandled", handcuffed/tied up, wear horror/halloween masks, have my hair pulled, put those fingers in my mouth daddy- you get the point really. and there's a long list of things I wouldn't do, main things being anything involving poop, piss and/or vomit. I don't ever want a 3rd person (or more) ((unless it's Sihtric okay)). also no anal, no serious degrading and I sure as hell ain't gonna pretend I'm furniture either

Kinkiest thing you've done/could do with a partner? well well, wouldn't you like to know????

The most romantic thing ever? if I don't say my proposal then what am I even doing? last year on our fifth anniversary Danas took me to the national park close by where we went to on our first date. He took me to the exact same bench we sat at that day and then he became all fidgety and nervous after a few minutes and then got down on one knee and asked the question. he was so relieved he had asked and that I said yes that he forgot to put the ring on my finger and I had to remind him. I lowkey knew he was going to pop the question but I also felt nervous regardless. after that we went for dinner in a restaurant nearby and it was just perfect because it was nothing outrageous or attention drawing, because that's not how we are either. and, in general Danas has done many romantic/cute things to surprise me over the years so I truly can't complain when I look at couples around me. find a Lithuanian dude is all I can say lmao

I see some moots have been tagged already and idk who else to tag so?? if you see this go for it if you want!

#tag game

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xshybutdeadlyx · 3 months

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Just gonna be a big rant of word vomit.

Please note I'm not trying to attack anyone I'm just kinda laying my feelings out.

I kinda wonder why I bother with Fandoms. I rarely act in any fandoms I'm hyperfixating over but for hazbin hotel I thought why not. But to the surprise of no one it is just like every other Fandom with backhanded comments always being tossed around. And most of it is centered around the character Alastor which I get but God it's giving me anxiety.

Like right now I'm seeing the a divide on the possibility of him having a kinship with the people of the hotel. Personally I think he does or more like did but he's going back to his roots of keeping everyone at an arms length and using them because of his defeat by the hands of Adam. But I personally think those feelings can resurface, but it's gonna be a battle to do so. But I am seeing a lot that people don't believe those feelings were ever there. He really is just a cold heartless bastard who has a God complex and is just mad he lost and that's it. And I feel like that is also correct. But I don't think that makes my hypothesis or how I feel I read the scene wrong? But I've seen people say "if you think this certain way then you are show illiterate and you don't know his character and IM the only one who understands him!" Like....OK? That's the beautiful thing about any piece of literature characters and scenes, anyone can interpret it in so may different ways and it doesn't make anyone wrong. So can't we all just have our own interpretation and just gush over it instead of scoffing at people who didn't see the same thing you saw?

As for shipping, that's a whole monster within its own. I personally don't think anyone is entitled to dictate what someone can and can't do with pixilated characters. I honestly very much understand that Alastor is a big deal considering he's aroace, and that doesn't get enough media representation. And I respect the hell out of it. But I'll also in the same breath say I'm a shipper. I love staticradio because I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers trope. In canon, I want Alastor to keep being the beautiful dick head he is that just has gossip tea parties with Rosie and just doesn't have those romantic or sexual urges. In fanon, though, anyone can really do what they want. I think as long as there aren't death threats or literal force being used to make the creator of the show force Alastor into a relationship I don't think theirs anything in fanon that should be taken seriously when canon is right there glaring everyone in the face. If people wanna keep the "relationship" one-sided? Awesome. If they want Alastor to smooch someone? Cool. They want him to rawdog or get raw dogged by someone. Hey, power to ya, just put it in the tags so people can steer clear of it if they don't wanna see that. I see many people saying it's erasure, but I just don't see how it's erasure when it's still there in canon. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can erase Alastor, who is a sassy aroace king. I can't say I don't understand the mentality, though. As a bisexual woman myself, I see fanfics where bi characters are labeled straight or lesbian/gay completely, ignoring that who they date doesn't make them, neither straight nor gay. It does sting and leave a bad taste but again they can say that, they can write all they want and if it's cathartic for them then ok more power to em because at the end of the day that character is still bisexual they didn't erase it. Usually, people are good at tagging, so if they do make them one way or the other, i dont read or look at the art. It's very easy to scroll down. Sometimes i see it repedidly, but that's what blacklisting is for too. There are many countermeasures. Plus, a lot of things are all in good fun or just canon divergence. People can be creative and play with different ideas. "What if a character was like that!?" "What if they do this!?" "What if this happened instead, and it changed their whole character!?" That's what's supposed to be fun about being in fandoms. Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel. You're allowed to not like something. But I don't think you're allowed to make other people feel like shit because they go against canon, or more precisely, against your views. I genuinely don't think anyone ever means disrespect. All they want to do is have fun and create along with like-minded individuals. You're allowed to not like something. Hell, I don't like Vox and Val together, and that shits canon, but that just means I ain't gonna actively seek it out. (I personally ship Valentino with a bug zapper.)

All in all I just want everyone to feel safe and just have fun because I've just seen so many people to scared, me included, to do anything in the Fandom in fear of getting attacked and that's mostly what's been really eating away at me. But at the end of the day, this IS the internet, and discourse is basically its bread and butter.

Like I said though this is mostly just a vent post but I wouldn't mind to hear others thoughts if you're willing. I know I just probably talked out of my ass for forever. At the end of the day we are just all apart of this silly little Fandom of silly little demon people and we should all just be having fun look at what we like, write/draw what we want. It's exhausting spending energy like anger and malice, we should just focus on the things that matter to us and the things we like and just enjoy it for however long the hyperfixation lasts. Nobody is wrong. Nobody is right. we are just creators or people on here to just escape for a little bit and connect with a show or characters that resonate with us.

Ok for reals this time peace ✌️ if you made it this far and actually read everything I had to say thank you, you're a trooper. I hope I didn't offend anyone since that was not my intent. I just had a lot of feelings and I'd rather we all get along then tear each other apart.

#hazbin hotel #rant #discourse #fandom #shipping #chatacter analysis #thought about just keeping this like a journal and not post it but fuck it

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sevengraces · 6 months

Text

someday I'm gonna be somebody people want

ch1, You, Title Card

AO3 Link

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Hello and back again, I have the patience of a toddler when I'm invested so here we go besties. I could not bear to leave you on that cliff hanger for long so y'know you're welcome ig. Warnings are the same as the previous chapter so y'know feel free to go back and reread 'em lol. This chapter title is also from Dodie "All My Daughters" figured I should keep with a theme of some sort. Blanket notice for all my works btw, if the dialogue seems weird or off kilter it's because I am both of those things and have yet to figure out a single social interaction. If it's real bad you can just believe that they're both autistic, cause I am and that's why they're written like that lol. (I do feel in my heart of hearts that Tim Drake is autistic, but that's prolly cause he's my lad for projection so what can ya do. I didn't tag him as autistic in this fic b/c I didn't intentionally write him that way but again (!) I am autistic so there is a nonzero chance all my characters come across like that) c'est la vie tho so enjoy

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Chapter 2- Everyone but me knows how to let go

Tim sat up so fast he had to brace himself against the couch so that he didn’t face plant into a puddle of regurgitated coffee. Once he steadied himself he realized he had no idea where to go from here.

“What’s happening kid? I sent you a message but you didn’t even read it, and I knocked for like ten minutes once I got here.” Jason asked, closing the door behind himself and glancing around the empty penthouse.

The younger boy took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, when Jason evidently spotted the vomit. “What the fuck? D’ya have a concussion? Did you even go out last night? Don’t you know better than to try and do your concussion watch by yourself?” He shot out rapid-fire.

Tim stood shakily and rolled his eyes, heading into the kitchen and pulling out a towel and cleaner from the cabinet under the sink. “I don’t have a concussion, no I didn’t go out last night, and obviously I know you can’t concussion-watch yourself Jason- despite what you might think, I’m not an idiot.”

Jason blocked his way towards the mess and looked him up and down.

Tim was shaking and pale. His lips were chapped and he had deep bags under his eyes, which were only broken up by the puffy red rings that displayed a decent representative of how long he’d cried for. His face was coated in those tacky tears and his hair looked like he’d been pulling on it for a long time. The boy was staring determinedly at the window behind Jason and he had the towel and spray bottle clutched so hard his knuckles had gone white.

The man softened a little, “You get yourself sick?”

Of course, Tim just stepped around the man and bared his teeth in a bitter facsimile of a smile. “Not in anyway that matters Todd.” He crouched down and held his breath as he cleaned up the vomit, spraying the floor and scrubbing some more with a second towel.

“What’s that supposed to mean Timbo? You’re either sick or not kid.” Jason sent another, sharper, glance around the apartment. His vision stuttered over the shattered mug, it was red and had writing on it at some point, but it was illegible now.

“No, I’m not sick Jason. Did you need something- I’m sorry to have ignored you I was a little preoccupied.” Tim steadfastly ignored any tension in the room and walked back to the kitchen. He deposited the spray bottle under the counter once more and dumped the used towels in a hall hamper. Then he opened a nearby door revealing a closet full of blankets and larger cleaning supplies. He pulled out a broom and dustpan then turned back towards the shattered coffee mug.

Once more the man stepped into the younger’s path. “Sure seems like it kiddo- listen is everything alright?”

Tim tensed even further then sighed loud and long. “Listen to me Jason, we don’t have to do this okay? You’re gonna ask what’s wrong with me, I’m going to avoid the question- then we’ll do that until you’ve felt like you did your due diligence. After that you’ll accept what I said the first time and ask for whatever favor you came here for.” The boy glared up at Jason and gestured that he should move, he did not. “It doesn’t matter and I promise, I’m not going to go whine to Dick or Bruce that you ignored my duress or something- hell if they ask I’ll lie and tell them we had a real heart to heart and fleshed out our entire sordid, bloody history to a nice storybook resolution.”

Jason took a step back and grabbed the boy by the shoulders carefully, “So you’re under duress then?”

He yanked himself backwards and let out a wordless shriek, before muttering to himself as he pushed around the older man and began to sweep. “Fuck why not, of course this is gonna happen- goddamnit, it might as well.”

Jason watched him warily, like someone watches a loose lion or a person a little too close to the edge of a building. “Look Pre- Tim, I’m obviously not someone you wanna be talkin’ to- and no one gets that more than me! But I can’t leave you alone like this, is there someone I can call? Dickiebird? Maybe Blondie? Hell, I’ll get the clone on the line if it’ll help ya, just tell me what I can do ta’ help right now, okay?”

Tim laughed bitterly, leaning down to pick up the dustpan then walking and dumping it in the trash. He dropped both items on the floor in the kitchen before storming into the living room and gesturing towards the leather chair across from the couch that he collapsed on in a pile of disjointed limbs. “Whatever Jason, you’re already here and this can’t get much worse honestly- so y’know take a seat! You need a drink or anything, or can I lay here and stare at the ceiling as I rerun my top ten worst mistakes and do the math to figure out how all of that ended up with us here in my shitty apartment on a fucking Saturday morning?”

The man in question edged around the kitchen counter and tentatively sat on the leather chair, “What’s up then? You said you didn’ go out last night, right?”

Tim muttered angrily, “I’m never going to live this down fuck- should just send a fucking group email and get it over with,” before rolling his head to stare at Jason, who had his boots toed off onto the ground next to the chair and a leg propped up on the coffee table between them.

Jason sat and waited through the grumbling, maintaining a faintly concerned expression the entire time.

“You really want to do this?” Tim finally sighed like it had been forced out of him.

The other merely shrugged and leaned back into the chair, “What else would I be doin’ huh?”

“Anything?” The boy laughed out before rolling his eyes and taking in a deep breath. “Fine, I’d tell you not to laugh but it isn’t like it matters, so here goes nothing I guess.”

Tim stared up at the ceiling and ignored how tense his entire body was, he stared up at the ceiling and ignored how obvious that tension probably was to Jason. “I’m lonely.”

The boy liked to imagine the silence hung like a gunshot in the air, but it didn’t- he knew what those sounded like.

“You’re lonely.” Jason repeated with no intonation whatsoever.

Tim shrugged and resolutely stared at the ceiling some more, “Yup, go ahead then let's get this over with sooner rather than later.”

Jason frowned and dropped his leg from the table, leaning forward; “Get what over with kid? D’ya want a hug? No offense but that didn’t seem like something you were interested in earlier.”

He sat up on the couch, “Jason don’t be an idiot,” he gestured widely with his hands between the two of them, “the laughter, the jokes, the- I don’t know Todd, texting everyone we both know and a few people we don’t for good measure! Whatever it is you’re gonna do with this!”

Jason stared for a long moment, “Listen- I know I’ve been an ass, especially to you, but this isn’t funny. You fuckin’ threw up because of it, you’ve obviously been crying, none of that is funny Tim.” The older boy pinched the bridge of his nose, “Why didn’t you call someone- actually how do you get so lonely you puke? Is this something Bruce knows about?

Tim gaped for a long moment before letting out a sharp, angry sounding laugh. “This isn’t funny? That’s the line for you Todd? If I actually cry about it then it isn’t funny anymore, shit if I’d known it was this easy to get you to act like a person around me I’d’ve dealt with this ages ago!”

The older boy flinched back like he’d been hit, “Tim I-“

He was interrupted, “No don’t act like you give a shit Jason! Not even twenty fucking minutes ago you were calling me Pretender, this is the most you’ve said my actual goddamn name in the entire time we’ve known each other. You asked asshole, I told you- knowing full well the consequences.” He breathed heavily for a minute before continuing slightly softer, “I get that you don’t give a shit about me, not in any way that matters. I know you think I’m a naive idiot Jason, but don’t pretend you want to know for any reason other than having a leg up on this weird one-sided pissing match- remember I’m the Pretender, only one of us steals titles.”

Jason curled in on himself, breathing deeply before staring off to the left of the boy across from him. “Alright, I think I fucked this up- um Tim listen I sorta thought you’d just know since I guess there hadn’t been any fights to the death for awhile and we uh- coexisted when necessary.” He shored his shoulders and turned to look the younger in the eyes, “I don’t hate you, okay? You’re not stupid or naive, I uh- I thought we were uh bein’ friendly- which yeah I shoulda known better it’s not like I ever actually apologized ta’ you. Fuck.”

Tim blinked, standing up and backing towards the window side of the living room. “Jason Peter Todd this is not funny, you- you got your fucking blackmail I- what the fuck do you want from me? Fuck off, did Dick tell you? Was it Bruce? Surely you’ve got better things to do with your time?” His voice broke halfway through, “Who thought this was a funny fucking joke?”

Jason went pale, “Shit- no kid this isn’t a fucking joke! I- who would? Why would that be fucking funny? Holy shit kid,” the man stood up just as quickly, shooting forward and pulling Tim into a hug. “Shit, I’m sorry- I don’t, I don’ know what to do here kid, please.”

Tim bit back a sob, tensing his whole body away from the hug. He desperately forced out; “If this is a joke I need you to leave right now- please Jason, you win okay? G-good one alright? You can go and uh, and tell ev- everyone how I fell for it al- alright?”

He leaned back, holding the boy steady in his arms. “Tim, Tim I’m not kiddin’ please- I just, whaddya need ta’ know I’m serious?” Jason begged frantically, “D’ya want an apology? Cause I’m sorry kid, I’m so fucking sorry for all of it alright? You didn’t deserve a goddamn bit of it and it never shoulda happened, not at all and not to you.”

Tim shook in his hold, just barely whispering “You don’t mean that, Jason you don’t mean that okay? I was- I was a shitty replacement an- and a useless Robin that was- wasn’t even a decent placeholder for the next one okay? Do- don’t say shit like that to me Jason, if it was ever funny it definitely isn’t now, okay? I don’t know what you want me t- to say!” He whined out anxiously.

If possible, Jasons’ face crumpled further. “No kid, I don’t- I’m not makin’ fun of ya. Don’t say shit like that Tim, you were a great Robin an’ I was lucky ta’ have you as a successor, okay?”

The boy collapsed, leaning fully against Jason as his sobs returned with a vengeance and his breathing rocketed up in speed.

Jason pulled the boy into his arms and lowered them both onto the floor, “Shit uhm- shh, you’re okay Tim- deep breathes C’mon. It’ll be okay, c’mere kid I’ve got ya.”

Tim whined and leaned into the hold so hard his head ached, and Jason began to run a hand through his hair. “You’ll be okay, s’all fine. I know Tim, I know- it’s a lot right now. Just breathe with me c’mon in and out you’ve got it.”

Tim struggled and shook and cried for a long time, he tried to pull back from the older man but Jason just kept holding him and talking through the panic.

Eventually he began to follow Jason’s voice, managing a choked inhale through his sobs every now and then until slowly, painfully, the panic began to ease.

Jason just continued to mutter reassurances like it was nothing, “There you go, there he is, you’re doing so good. Here we are, you’re right here with me and nobodies gonna hurt you, I’ve got ya kid- just take it easy.”

Tim slowly stiffened as he came back into himself. He was curled up in Jasons lap, with his head shoved under the older mans’ chin and his face buried in his neck. His hands were gripping the back of Jasons’ jacket like he belonged there and there were half dried tears all over the both of them. Jason had his arm wrapped around him and his other hand was running though his hair. Casually, he pressed a kiss onto the top of Tims’ hair, still speaking softly throughout it all.

He forced his hands free and yanked himself out of the elder's arms, nearly falling backwards, except Jason caught him easily. “Hey, hey you’re okay Tim- it's fine I’ll let you up just be careful.”

Tim scrambled backwards until he was pressed against the window like he’d been sitting earlier this morning. He scrubbed a hand up and down his face, refusing to look at the older man he’d just been crying on for who knows how long.

Jason let him, hands held up in acquiesce. “D’ya need a drink? Some food?”

Tim kept his hands in place and firmly did not look at Jason. Reluctantly he muttered, “Water’s fine, there are bottles in the pantry.”

He stood slowly then turned around and headed towards the kitchen. Jason opened the pantry door next to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. He gave the younger a moment to collect himself before heading back into the living room and dropping to the floor across from him.

“Here, drink the first one slowly.”

Tim didn’t look up but he took the bottle and cracked the seal. He took small sips in silence for a heavy few moments before finally glancing through his bangs at the other boy.

Jason was sitting on the ground with his legs sprawled out in front of him, he had a second water bottle on his left and was leaned back on his right hand. He wasn’t watching Tim drink head on, instead staring out the window behind the boy with only the occasional glance to check his progress through the water. Stretched out across Tims’ floor, Jason looked so much like Robin that it hurt to breathe.

Eventually Tim finished the first water bottle, and Jason handed him the second without hesitation. “Drink as fast as ya like, just finish it.”

And so he did, he drank in silence for a few more minutes and pretended that he had any idea what was going to happen next.

After he got a solid amount of water in him, Jason cleared his throat.

Tim tensed in a way that was unfortunately quite visible to Bats, but Jason soldiered on anyways. “Listen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you when it was clear somethin’ was up, and I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done that’d make you think I’d make such a shitty joke. I get it if you don’t believe me or want ta’ see me again, I just- Tim you’ve gotta know that right now I’m serious, yeah?”

He shuddered, and Tim winced. “I- fuck Jason you don’t need to- m’sorry.” He exhaled sharply, “None of this was your problem and I didn’t mean to make such a scene but you know me. I uh- I overreacted okay? That’s not your fault. You uh- you just caught me at a bad time and had to deal with my fits, but its no big deal okay?” Tim chewed his lip and shoved his face into his knees muttering to himself; “Fuck this is embarrassing.”

The older of the two flinched like he’d been shot this time, “Tim can you look at me a minute?”

The boy reluctantly looked up and Jason let out a wobbly smile before continuing, “Ya don’t need ta’ be embarrassed okay kid? You had a panic attack, probably two judging by the vomit from earlier- and that shit just happens sometimes okay? Especially in our line of work.”

Tim shook his head and smiled tightly, “Not really Jason, I’ve kinda always been like this. But thank you anyways.”

“Tim, listen to me okay? Just to the words I’m saying.” Jason responded through grit teeth, “That shit happens sometimes and it isn’t your fault. You got that? People have panic attacks, especially kids in high stress situations 24/7 so this isn’t some sparing your feelings bullshit- when have you even known me to do that anyways?”

The younger laughed ruefully, “Apparently right after I have a breakdown in your lap.”

Jason snorted but shook his head, “I’m bein’ dead serious Tim okay? And-“ he hesitated but powered through, “I’m bein’ serious when I tell you I’m sorry.”

Tims' face went red and he looked off to the side, “Yeah alright Jason, I get it. I’m sorry I had a fucking episode all over you about it or whatever.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, “I’m not sure you do get it kid, but I can explain.” He bit the inside of his cheek and started, “I’m sorry I attacked you- each time Tim. You didn’t deserve any o’ that and I shoulda known better. I said and did a lot of shit to you, and I blamed you for a lot of shit that wasn’t your fault. I was running high and fast on the Pit, and I’m not sayin’ that as an excuse cause it isn’t one. I’m telling you that so you know I was dead fuckin’ wrong when I said that shit to you.”

He continued, “You’re not a pretender or a replacement or a fuckin’ placeholder. You were a damn good Robin and I meant it when I told you I was lucky to have you as a successor. I mean shit kid, even beat seven ways to hell on the Pit I still wanted you as my Robin.”

Tim hesitated and glared at the floor near his feet. “You- you don’t have to say all this Jason. I know you don’t want to kill me and I get that in your right mind you wouldn’t’ve attacked me. But-“ he trailed off before looking up helplessly and whispering, “you don’t like me Jason.”

He grimaced, “To be honest Tim, I don’t really know you. The only things I know about you are what Talia told me and what I’ve heard from everyone else in this shitty family.” Jason smiled crookedly, “But from what everyone who’s actually met you says about you? I’d be stupid not to like you kid.”

Tim curled up and grit his teeth, “I know that isn’t true, I mean c’mon man- who the fuck are you talking to? I don’t know if you know this Jason,” he began bitterly, “but I’m an asshole. I’m a petty, manipulative, cold-hearted little shit and the only reason Bruce has kept me on retainer at this point is because I’d be too hard to beat as a rogue.”

Jason blinked for a moment “Kid, how’d you become Robin? Why’d ya’ do it?”

The boy in question hesitated over the non-sequitur. “… I blackmailed B with proof of his identity and stole the suit?”

“Okay, and why’d you even do it? What was the point? If you’d known for years why then?”

“Jason what are you going on about? You know why, because I had to!” Tim snapped bitterly.

Jason snorts through his nose, “No you didn’t, Tim you didn’t have to do shit- you coulda gone on your merry way with your parents and your pictures.”

He glares belligerently, “No I couldn’t’ve! Bruce was going insane, he woulda killed somebody or himself- whichever came first.” Tim sighs, losing steam. “I had to because he would’ve proven the Joker right, he would’ve destroyed your legacy until it was nothing more than the last straw that ruined Batman.”

He smiles sadly and shrugs, “But why did that matter to you kid? Why not make it someone else’s problem?”

Tim sighs loudly and knocks his head against the glass behind him. “It mattered to me because my pictures of Batman and Robin were all I had- is that what you want to hear? That I forced my way in, not for any noble reason like /Batman needs a Robin/, but because I was a clingy kid who didn’t want to see his happiest memories ruined like everything else.”

“You’re selling yourself short with that summary kiddo,” Jason leaned forward braced on his legs, “I think the reason you took up the R was because you believed in what we stood for and you didn’t want it ruined for good. I think you knew that your pictures got you as far as they could and Robin got sad kids farther than they thought they’d ever make it, and that shouldn’t be taken away from them just because shitty people exist.”

The younger boy stared at his feet sullenly, “Who cares Jason? I was a lonely, naive kid sticking my nose in a grieving fathers’ business because I never learned boundaries- does it matter why I did it?”

Jason let out a sudden laugh, “Of course it matters Tim! You’re the only one of us who took up Robin because you thought other people needed you to do it. Dickie wanted his parents murderer gone and was willing to keep on doing that for others only after he got justice, I wanted to feel helpful and important even though I had shitty parents and a shitty past and then I decided I needed to prove what kids like me could do, Steph wanted it so she could prove to herself that she was more than what B an’ everyone else told her, hell even the brat wanted the R just ‘cause o’ blood ties and he’s only just now starting to do it to help people.” Jason ran a hand through his hair, “Kid you looked at a hero from legend who was goin’ off the deep end publicly and decided that it couldn’t go any further- and then you made it happen even when it was fucking terrible. You don’t do that shit because you’re a fucking optimist- you do it ‘cause you know what’s right and you aren’t willing to let shit slide.”

Tim opened and closed his mouth silently, staring at his predecessor with wide, glassy eyes. Eventually he mumbled out, “That sounds a lil’ different than cuckoo bird.”

He sighs sadly, letting his head hang. “Yeah, yeah it does kid. I was fucking wrong, okay? I was angry and scared, an’ I didn’t wanna admit that life went on without me just ‘cause that’s how life works. I saw this determined little wisp of a thing that looked at every fracture line my greek tragedy left and decided to do damage control and it scared me.”

“I didn’t ever wanna replace you, I wasn’t even s’possed to stay Robin forever- I was gonna give it to the next kid once Bruce found someone better or he got a little better” Tim forced out slowly, like he was tasting the words. “I guess Bruce or Dick didn’t tell you, huh?”

Jason cocked his head at the boy, “What’re you- oh. Kid I don’t know what they coulda told me that would make lying about an apology funny.”

He shrugged and mumbled something too quiet to be heard.

Jason stared at the boy, watching as his face slowly went red and his shoulders hunched. He forced out “Didn’t catch that kiddo” through some uncomfortable mixture of bemusement and trepidation.

Tim squared his shoulders but stared at his feet. “I took pictures of everyone, obviously. I started ‘round the end of Dicks’ run- got all the greatest hits of Batgirl and Boy Wonder, caught a few good shots of Batman figuring out he had a child that he’d die for in real time- but uh, well.” He hesitated but pushed through like a man to the gallows, “Well I’ve got the most shots of you. All my best work, all my favorites, just most of my pictures- were you.”

The older boy nodded slowly, “Sure, I mean you musta’ been tiny when Dickiebird started out. It only makes sense that you’d get better as you got older so it woulda been odd if they weren’t Tim- what’s that got to do with anything?”

He shook his head, “No- I mean yeah I was like nine when I started with Dicks’ Robin, and I followed you from like ten to twelve but that’s not what I mean.” Tim shuddered and mumbled to himself, “I can’t believe you’re making me say it out loud, oh god.” He took a deep breath and finally looked at Jason. “I went out maybe once every two weeks with Dick, not because I couldn’t do it more, just ‘cause. When you started on Robin though? I started going out every other night. I mean fuck Jay, I used to only go out when there was nobody to notice I was gone and I was really careful about covering my tracks and doing well in school and shit- but when you started? I even went out the few times when my parents were home, I was so excited just to see you out there doing good.”

Jason let out a low wounded sound, “Tim…”

“Jason, your Robin was why any of that shit mattered to me. Of course I cared before, but not like when it was you.” Tim laughed self-consciously and ducked his head “I hacked my school records, convinced my parents I should go to school in town, I mean- Jason I thought of you as my Robin. I think I have an encoded notebook that I used when I was like eleven where I write, verbatim, /my Robin is the best hero in the world, Batman sure is lucky to have him/, so yeah you can see how hearing that you actually thought we could be friends might seem like a cruel joke.”

He blinked tears back rapidly, rocking forward onto his knees to stop right in front of Tim, “Can I- baby bird can I hug you?”

“You want to?” Tim asked in a quiet voice.

“Yes, absolutely”

And the boy barely got a chance to nod before Jason had him yanked forward against him, arms clasped so tightly around him that Tim could feel his bones creak. Jason held him desperately with his face hidden in the younger mans’ hair and his whole body folded over him. “I’m sorry Tim, fuck- you were a good kid and a great Robin alright?”

Tim pressed his face into the mans’ shirt and took deep breaths. Ever so slowly he relaxed into the hold until eventually; he didn’t notice the awkward angle, or the way his sweatpants were bunched around his legs because of how he’d been yanked, or even how his tears were leaking into the shirt below him. Tim pressed his face into Jason and gripped the man equally as hard.

They sat like that for a long time, Jason held Tim until their legs were numb and the floor was uncomfortable. At which point the older boy just barely loosened his hold, politely ignoring how Tim only burrowed further, and leaned backwards. He pulled the boy with him, until Jason was sitting in the middle of the floor with Tim tugged into his lap and his arms encircling the boy with only slightly less desperation.

Tim croaked out cautiously from his place within the hold but didn’t look up, “Hey Jason?”

“Hmm?”

“If I’d’ve called you today, and asked if we could just uh- just talk, would you have come?”

Jason pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Yeah baby bird, I think I woulda.”

And from the safety of his Robins’ hold Tim let loose a wobbly, genuine smile.

#fanfic #dc universe #Tim drake #Jason todd #batman #red robin #hurt/comfort #mentioned batfamily #grace is writing

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