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#It's not even funny I need to think of a funnier situation
anothermonikan · 1 year
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I do think it's a little silly when someone says they miss a piece of media... Like,the media is right there(probably) ! Go watch that show again or play that game again, it's (probably) not gone! But then also like. I get it. I suppose the first watch or experience of something is special and like, fandom hype around stuff if it was a popular piece of media is something you wouldn't experience within the show again, but also like,,,, you're mourning something that's not dead (usually) Create fan content! Watch that thing again! Engage with old fanworks! Cause someone will appreciate it, it will also make you happy!
#Having to put the stuff in brackets literally _just_ to account for Unnus Annus#Ugh#Sorry I didn't like that thing when it was still coming out and still don't like it now :thumbsup:#I was gonna make a funny meme post but I think it wouldn't be funny because I can't explain it using simple language#Impermenant media enjoyers be like#“Wow that trip to the beach was good. Shame I can never do that again because that's how the world works”#Or smth like that#It's not even funny I need to think of a funnier situation#My quelms with Unnus Annus are weird and complicated and no ones ever agreed with me about it so it's probabaly just a me thing#And not an actual legit critism of the thing sjsjsjsj#I write about more in a draft I have of a mini essay I was writing about DDLitG's ending that's like. A year old by now#I will finish it! Just permanently busy and when not permanently busy I'm permanently tired#It's like. It's mean! Which is a silly complaint but it ties into like. A trope I hate that I love how DDLitG does!#This kind of critism of attachment to a piece of media often insists on making the viewer feel dumb for liking a thing and I don't like it!#Unnus Annus kind of plays this kind of moral where it's like 'Oh#Unnus Annus plays this kind of trope like 'Oh-all of this is impermanent so don't get attached because you'll only have memories after uwu'#And like. I guess I get what they were going for. But that's just. People were getting sooo upset over being attached to the thing#Like they felt bad about it and just don't think that's a great thing to be perpetrating. I promise you can get attached to media guys.#I promise you you're allowed to like things:3#Also I realised I've been spelling Unus Annus wrong this whole time I apologise#Also not a huge fan of people acting like their in this super secret club for watching an extremely popular piece of media thats deleted#But that's definitely a me thing sjdndnsjs#Okay jeez I started ranting about this on a completely unrelated post sorry#Look forward to the mini essay whenever I finish it lol#Android.txt
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headphonemouse · 1 year
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Nothing in my life has ever tasted as good as how I imagine cartoon meat that looks like this tastes
#talking tag#orv groundrat meat and yanaspleta stem#literally the only type of meat they eat in one piece#it's funny how in orv when kdj makes bbq skewers they all look like this but when yjh makes skeweres they look like normal ass skewers with#vegetables and everything#it's yjh the only person who has any culinary sense? the real answer is no. kdj is actually capable in the kitchen. the funnier answer is#that yjh was so fed up with being the only person in the universe to have taste buds and maybe a normal sized mouth that he spent an entire#regression turn learning how to perfect his cooking [this part at least is canon] just so he could convince at least one of his companions#to raise their standards and stop eating barely-chopped‚ unseasoned‚ straight off the bone monster meat#i think yjh would refuse to eat an apple unless it was peeled and sliced into cubes with little toothpicks#he wouldnt touch a sandwich until you passed it through a panini press#maybe it has something to do with diligence and intentionally putting effort into something often overlooked#its a lot of effort to cook delicious meals when the world is quite literally falling apart and reshaping itself but in a situation where#he doesnt even have control over his own death‚ he can only treat what he does have control over with the utmost diligence#cooking and eating good‚ healthy‚ SAFE food is something that is entirely his‚ i think#he doesnt need it to survive like fighting. its not a relic of his past that has lost its application like gaming. its a routine‚ a ritual#repeated daily#something that you do every day and by continuing to do it you create things that are more and more enjoyable. something that makes people#smile and feel satiated. something that gets everyone to sit close and share the joy of a single moment. a single meal#is it possible to get tired of that after repeating it so many times? every day? every day every month every year every turn#why doesnt he eat food made by other people?#because its not delicious#and the dumplings?#those were made by someone he loved. someone he loved put their time into mizing the filling and shaping the dough#someone he loves wants him to be safe and fed. and offered him dumplings that they made#was it delicious?
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I saw the "#is there yaoi in the arakawa family" tag basically right as it popped up in the notes and was also left completely dead on the pavement, but honestly? As someone who is wholly and irrevocably AraSawa-pilled (whether said pill is red or blue in color is up to interpretation...), it's objectively SO much funnier if they're just Like That. I love your comics on the topic!
There's also some element of this post I saw earlier I think, divorced from the sexual context since it's not really relevant to what I want to talk about (you'll just have to bear with me there I guess lol, can't help what the post says). It's also still pretty melodramatic applied to them (even for me) when it chiefly is just. Hilarious. But what I'm trying to say is that, taking a more serious approach, "unresolved potential" is such a compelling and central recurring beat here, so what's one more instance?
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I guess that post kind of presupposes that there is or could be yaoi, but I think it's kind of like. The concept of "yuri of absence." But with dads. Like that's along the lines of the emotion things like the pair of armchairs on the second floor of Jo's office evokes in me. Honestly I think this particular ask is probably one of the least intelligible I've sent and I'll probably regret it. But. It's. They're married. But they're not. But They're Married. BUT THEY'RE NOT. But th
after meeting with The Arakawa Family Council the verdict i bring to everyone today on Is There Yaoi In The Arakawa Family is:
Well,
#fave#snap chats#OK BUT NO I FEEL LIKE I AGREE TOTALLY#like it really is... indescribable.... like what's going on here... because it's definitely something..... but not THAT but????#yeah they're married but i don't think they know that.#like its different from the married/divorced energy between kashiwagi and kazama yk what i mean#it's like. when hummingbirds co-evolve with flowers right.#like they just ACCIDENTALLY co-exist perfectly with each other after being around each other so long#like it infinitely is better if its just limbo situation where its like. What Do We Even Label This As. Should We. Do We.#cause again it's infinitely funnier if this all happens and they arent the slightest bit aware#desperately need a montage of arakawa and jo just being in really domestic situations together#but like. with the most This Isn't Anything Serious energy right#like ichi running into the office and jo and arakawa are just having a cute lil candlelit dinner#and ichi just Oh Is This Like... A Thing... but neither of them blink arakawa just wanna know what ichi wants like :)?#thank you for enjoying my comics on the idea though it's really fun walking the line between Being Serious and just Being Silly#i need to make more... but im so busy.... ill just rotate them in my head for now#ill just rb my old faves on the idea lmao#like its funny to toe being For Real bout it if not so i can make more silly slice of life manga parodies#i think itd just be funny if jo experiences human emotion for the first time and its in the most awkward situation imaginable#yk. the drama of it all its so goofy#ohhh but i dont wanna write my silly essay about them.. not now anyway... i do enjoy them immensely tho.#in case that wasn't evident. i'll ramble about them in another post of mine im sure :)#but yes thank you for your input i was hoping you'd come around LMAO i needed that peer review#and im glad- as per usual- we came to the same conclusion. We Don't Know.#edit: in review as it turns out its not old man yaoi its old man yuri. thats my final answer im locking it in
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many-gay-magpies · 1 year
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come to think of it, tales of arcadia and bbc merlin would make a disturbingly fitting crossover.
#tales of arcadia#bbc merlin#toa#i mean. think about it. au where the merlin douxie and the gang finds in wizards is bbcm merlin who decided to fuck off and take like a#century-long nap or smth (and also looks old because being dragoon was good for intimidating people) and instead of being kind an asshole#he's just this. grumpy cantankerous old man that hits people over the head a lot#and when everyone goes back in time they ACTUALLY go back to the time when UTHER was still reigning and instead of the running gag being#douxie running around watching his younger self be a dumbass douxie isnt even there and they get to watch merlin be an incredibly powerful#twink instead. douxie is like YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU AND KING ARTHUR WERE A THING and merlin temporarily turns him into a toad.#this leaves open the possibility for brilliant scenarios such as douxie (who in this au would have been merlin's apprentice#far post-arthur-mortem when gwen was queen and magic was allowed in camelot) seeing gwen as a servant and being like ''QUEEN GUINIVERE??!?''#also instead of merlin being all insifferable about douxie having to ''earn'' his wizard staff he'd just be like GODDAMNIT YOU DONT NEED A#STAFF TO BE GOOD AT MAGIC. I ONLY HAVE THIS THING BECAUSE IT GIVES ME AN AIR OF GRAVITAS#idk how the trolls and trollhunters would fit into this but i just think it would be neat.#it has the potential to make the whole plot with uther marrying the troll funny as hell tho. funnier than it already was anyway#or wait possibly less funny actually. because in this situation trolls would be all civilized and cool and shit AND they'd be ANOTHER entire#group that uther's been trying to master. so it's yet another instance of ''oh woe one of the groups the king commited mass genocide against#is foiling a plot against him. moral conflicts aaa''#bbcm/toa
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chewwytwee · 1 year
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Starting to realize that my fear of conflict doesn’t actually make me a “chill person” it just makes it hard to know what I want and harder to be able to help myself
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fallenstarzz · 3 months
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👻
👻 What is your wildest headcanon?
Wymack and Tetsuji had gay sex once. It was bad.
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usedpidemo · 3 months
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Mistakes were made, but not you (Le sserafim Yunjin)
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“Why? Why weren’t you there? I needed you and you weren’t there!”
While Yunjin lashes out at you, grabbing at your shirt and using you as a proxy for the world and its ill-timed misfortunes, you can’t help but wonder if your presence would have changed the situation for the better.
Probably not. It’s one of those events that has to happen for character growth. 
—————
Tonight is supposed to be a night of celebration—a commemoration to the achievements, accomplishments, and accolades of the past year. The numbers and statistics never lie. They love her work, they love her artistry. They love her for what she sells and what she represents. But truth be told, Huh Yunjin couldn’t care less about what they think.
Thunderous cheers and colorful lightsticks representing different fandoms brighten the arena as the five Le sserafim members climb up the stairs to claim their award. Minutes ago, they pulled off the performance of a lifetime—an eight minute masterclass that represents everything the group stands for. You could see the exhaustion in their faces; barely mustering the strength to smile and wave to the crowd shouting for them. 
For the most part, the acceptance speech is nothing notable. Going through the motions, thanking the fans, the staff, the company, promising to do better in the future—it’s about as cookie cutter as it gets. As Yunjin tries her hardest to keep her tears from falling while she talks, the other four can only focus on her with varying weary looks. Chaewon looks especially worried; it’s her responsibility and burden to look after every single one of them. 
From the audience’s viewpoint, it’s seen as a non-issue, but the five girls recognize deep down it’s anything but. The only noteworthy thing is how suddenly quick they are on their feet heading backstage. It’s funny how everyone chases fame: to be in the moment, the spotlight. It’s funnier, Yunjin thinks, that she’d rather be anywhere else.
Unfortunately for her and the other artists attending, they’d have to wait a little longer. There’s backstage interviews and other idol obligations to do before they are finally let go. It’s not even worth all that lost time—that one award they receive ends up being their lone win for the night.
—————
Yunjin storms into your hotel room without a word with a fierce expression on her face. She doesn’t have to say it; she’s thankful she doesn’t have to spend another minute in front of the cameras, another minute being an idol—at least for the night.
In a sea of anger and auburn, Yunjin walks past you without acknowledging you at least once. She hastily drops off her purse on the coffee table before charging straight to her room and slamming the door. It’s easy to chalk up her frustrations on the monotony of the awards season—the countless hours of practice specifically for one event, the hours spent in the makeup room, the hours of interviews and fanservice—but you know she never acts like this. Rain or shine, hell or high water, she’ll walk around with a pleasant smile on her face.
Tonight simply isn’t one of those nights. You saw the whole ordeal happen in real time, and you’re already regretting the decision not to be there. At times, watching her on screen was tough. You can tell she was visibly uncomfortable, more clingy to her members than usual, when it’s normally the other way around. Admittedly, you have to give her props for holding herself back from crying when she has every right to. It’s a cold winter night, but that’s not the reason she’s trembling and shaking. It should be a night of celebration; instead, her sullen expression resembles the aftermath of complete, utter humiliation and defeat.
And it may as well be. You look through your phone; you find the messages from friends and acquaintances telling you the exact same thing; it might as well be considered spam. 
> Yo did you see what happened to Yunjin?
> Is Yunjin okay?!
> Yunjin fell! Fuck MNET!
> BRO YUNJIN FELL FROM THE STAGE WHAT THE FUUUUCK—
> Don’t tell her but I actually laughed when she slipped XD hope she alright tho!
Of course you know. It’s all caught on camera and in living color for the whole world to see. Even if it was cut from the YouTube edit, which is highly unlikely, it’s already out there on the internet spreading like wildfire. Numerous reposts with tens of thousands of likes, multiple articles immediately written after the incident—her name and her moment will remain immortalized in K-pop history for all the wrong reasons. It has the internet making jokes, it has the internet writing thinkpieces, it has the internet creating needless fanwars—it has the internet buzzing. 
You want to throw your phone from where your room is located—all the way up on the 27th floor—and pray it lands directly on a hater’s head. 
Sure enough, when you try to enter her room, it’s locked shut. The door won’t budge. All this awkward, quiet tension between you is terrifying, and sleeping her feelings off isn’t going to help anyone, not during these trying times. She needs comfort right now more than anything else. 
You give the door a respectful knock, only to be met with silence. Trying again and again leads you nowhere. Calling her name does you zero favors. Each futile attempt cuts away at your heart, little by little. Yunjin would rather isolate herself from the world than open up to anyone with no exceptions. Obviously, you have nothing to do with what happened (that is on the production team more than anyone) but you bear the responsibility and burden of being Yunjin’s partner, always there for her during the good times and the bad.
Now is not the time to give up or sulk. She needs comfort and love more than anything. She needs a shoulder to cry on. She needs a special voice to reassure her that everything will be okay.
Rummaging through her purse, you find one of her countless hairpins. It’s the oldest trick in the book—one that she always used to get you with guaranteed success. Already bent and straightened, perfectly shaped for picking—it’s as if she wanted you to reach her. You remember the disaster that was teaching you how to pick locks; dozens destroyed, to the dismay of her apartment doors, but she knew you’d need it at some point, and tried to help you to the best of her ability.
The lock comes undone. It’s a miracle, but it’s short-lived. What welcomes you as you enter her bedroom turns your uncertainty into shock and utter disbelief.
It’s imagery you only see in nightmares. Her bedroom completely ravaged and in utter ruin. Pillows, clothes, and objects scattered throughout the room. Yunjin is curled up against the wall with a blanket draped over her, concealing everything but her eyes. Bloodshot red from spilling her heart out. Around her feet lay two opened half empty bottles of alcohol and a spilled over wine glass. It takes everything not to drop to your knees or yell out “fuck” from the depth of your lungs.
Instead, it only comes out as an airy whimper, with your throat choked up seeing the sorry state your girlfriend’s in.   
Every little step you take may as well be tiptoed. Carefully treading into uncharted territory, who knows what you’ll end up meeting. The next words you pick will be the most important ones you’ll ever say. It isn’t as simple as telling her everything will be fine—that mistakes happen, life moves on, and this will be a memory she can laugh at a few years from now. She believes she’s ruined not only her career, but also her members, when anyone with common sense thinks otherwise.
With a deep breath and a gulp of your throat, you run through all the options. You pray you make the best choice.
“Jen Jen,” you mumble, crouching down in front of her, frowning. Try as you might, you can’t bring yourself to smile. You reach your hand out to peek through the curtain; she aggressively slaps down your palm. It’s as dire as you believe it looks. She sees the world crashing down before her. 
Watching her cry and hide herself away plucks away at your heartstrings. You don’t want to see her looking this sorry, this deflated. If her members—the people she’s closest with—couldn’t get through her, then how much less can you? Even so, you have to keep trying. Not as a fan nor an acquaintance, but as her partner.
Again, you’ll have to pick your way through another lock. This time, her heart. And it’s more delicate than any physical door. 
She’s drowning in her tears to realize the tug on her wrists. Little by little, you pull them apart. Yunjin’s bloodshot eyes glare right into yours, but she does nothing. Slowly, you curl your arms around hers, reaching around her back. For a moment, she appears vulnerable. Open. You press yourself close to her—
And then she hits you square in the face. 
Yunjin assaults you with a relentless barrage of fists, with one jab directly clocking your lips. They’re not the playful ones you’re used to. The kind that’s usually thrown after a serious argument, and you’ve only experienced a handful of squabbles. She sends you staggering back to the floor, violently screeching and attacking you. “Fuck you! Leave me alone!” she yells, punching you repeatedly with no sense of direction, only rage. You try to lift a hand in self-defense, only to be sent knocking down, to the point where you just give up and allow her to rip through you.
Looking into her eyes, having turned from grim to cruel, she looks as if you were there. As if you were the stage director. As if you were the one who pressed the button on the control panel. Her punches, aimless as they are, fucking hurt. You’re on the floor, defenseless, but you deserve it. You weren’t there when you should have been. The one award show you opt not to attend happens to be the one that ends up sideways. Of course she’ll pinpoint the cause back to you. That’s blind passion. That’s love.
She grabs you by the collar of your shirt, screaming right in your face, “Why? Why weren’t you there? I needed you and you weren’t there!” Angry as she is, you can tell she’s trying to restrain herself. She wants to humiliate you, but she also doesn’t want to smash your head through the marble floor. You have this ragged but innocent look on your face. The stubborn kind that would tell her that you won’t give up on her. That you’d happily take all the beating just to see her smile again. 
As it turns out, all she really needs is an outlet to air out her emotions. She has moved past her tears, and she has stopped beating you down, but everything else still remains. The glare. The dour frown. The fingers gripped to your collar. The room is silent, with the only sound filling the air is your low, airy hush of “Sorry.” Your hand rubs against her arm, conveying a message of reassurance that everything’s going to be okay.
Yunjin freezes. Unsure of how she feels, unsure of what to do. The moment stretches beyond the perception of time. You end up getting caught unprepared by what happens.
She doesn’t apologize for throwing you to the floor and verbally and physically assaulting you. You don’t really mind. A kiss is more than enough of an apology. Even more when it’s passionate, humming into your mouth before letting her tongue slip right between your lips, and her hands now pressed to your cheek. Lovemaking is how she speaks to you. Her lips do most of the talking. 
Her body does the rest.
Yunjin pushes you down to the floor. You watch her shed her leather jacket, in awe of her radiant beauty.  Her skin is porcelain, gleaming from the bedroom light. She’s a star, and shines like one. The reverence soon turns to amusement, mostly at how nonchalant she’s behaving. Minutes ago, she was hostile, out of control, threatening to turn you into a ruined mess. Instead, she’s about to leave you a ruined heap, but in a different way. 
She notices. She always does. Knows you like a book. She grins.
“You know I can’t be mad at you,” she says, lifting an eyebrow as she straddles on your lap. Smirking playfully, she’s making you double take and wonder if this was an elaborate ploy or if she was really upset. And if it’s the former, then you’d really feel betrayed and manipulated. “Sorry dear,” she adds, accompanied by a peck on your lips. “I know it’s not your fault nor mine, it’s just that we prepared so much and—”
“Don’t worry,” you interrupt, placing a hand on her bare shoulder, “I should have been there. I mean, what are the chances the one time I’m not there, this shit—”
“Shhh.” Yunjin plants a finger on your lips. “Babe shouldn’t worry about his Jen Jen’s performance. At least I looked cool falling, right?” she asks, both sweet and playful.
“Sure you did,” you chuckle, almost sucking on her fingertip as she points it directly at your lip. “Definitely the coolest fall I’ve ever seen. Will never be replicated. Ever. And I mean that.”
She laughs, heartily, even though she knows you’re flat out lying. “Yeah, because they won’t do stage designs like that ever again.” Then she kisses you again; she kisses you as if your lips are her lifeline. “I swear I’m gonna tell management not to do elevated stages when we go on tour!”
This is the Yunjin you know and love; the one that everyone knows her for. Laughs at her own jokes and her own mistakes, and smiles through it all. You’re amazed at how joined to the hip you both are when the cameras aren’t on. When you’re the only ones in the room—when she can truly be herself and not a fragmented version tailored to the public. You both have this special connection together that only you two can understand.
Her smile is so radiant, distracting even, that you recognize too little too late how tense you’re feeling.
“Jen Jen,” you tell her, looking down at her legs. She has a hand between her skirt, and her underwear is already partially down.
“What is it?”
“Can we take this somewhere else,” you tell her, flustered by your own request. There’s no skirting around the thought that you’d rather take her anywhere except for a cold floor in a messy bedroom. She hasn’t realized it yet, but you know Yunjin well; she would never let your imprints stick anywhere in her bedroom, hotel or her apartment, let alone make a mess. That, and for as much as you love the sight of her on top of you, you want to keep things on even footing—for now.
The expression she makes is priceless; it's all part of the charm. She rolls her eyes, scoffing at the thought, as if the very suggestion offends her. She takes a moment to let the notion sink in. “The audacity,” she thinks to herself, the idea seemingly harder to digest if anything else.
“You’re so unserious,” she comments, in the most blunt tone possible, it may as well be condescending. Her thighs press deeper into your jeans to further prove a point. If that’s what she wants., then you’re fine with that. It’s probably a better idea than yours, too. “You shitting me right now?”
“It couldn’t have hurt to ask.”
“Well it wouldn’t have hurt you to be here sooner,” she retorts, grinning, like those words are your biggest mistake. “Then maybe I would absolutely consider it.”
In reality, there’s nothing to consider, because you end up rolling on top of her after she first pounces on top of you. It’s how she usually greets you after a busy day: jumping straight into your arms, then it’s on to the bedroom.
But not tonight. You don’t make that far, just the table by the foyer, the chair she usually reads in, nearly tripping over the coffee table and landing somewhere more comfortable for you both in the living room. In your wake you leave behind a trail of clothes, yours and hers entangled together—mostly yours. It doesn’t take much to undress Yunjin when she’s dressed for the occasion, and by the time she’s halfway unbuttoning through your shirt, she’s on her knees, completely naked. 
She kisses you, leaves strawberry marked lips on your tummy, looking so wanton, so needy. Your eyes follow along as she continues down to your pants, before looking up to you with doe-eyed curiosity. She’s got an edge to her, they say, which really just means, “she’s really fucking hot.” Everything about her, from the attitude to the wardrobe screams fierce, someone who knows what they’re doing and doesn’t care about what others say. 
But behind closed doors, she’s more like the other girl you know. Someone she tends to look after. She looks vulnerable. It’s cute to watch her act like someone she’s not.
It’s impossible not to help yourself, to stroke your own ego, even at Yunjin’s expense. There’s no hiding that devilish grin; it’s way too obvious. Nodding, you brush your hand through her autumn colored locks as she undoes your jeans, reminding her who she really belongs to. 
“Fuck—oh God—” you moan, allowing Yunjin to do what she does best: use her lips to praise your cock. No preamble, no foreplay—just immediately taking you straight into her mouth. You were already hard, so it doesn’t take much effort for her to swallow you up. Both of you using your pent up frustration and impatience after weeks where it seemed as if you were worlds apart. 
Leaning back against the wall, you can only imagine how Yunjin looks taking it. Your hand firmly grips the back of her head, while she rubs her fingers along the length of your shaft. She forces out every curse and word of appreciation out of you with a deep tone, it’s almost concerning. 
“Slow down,” you mutter, knowing full well she won’t listen. Not for anything. Not for you. She wants this as much as you do. 
At first glance, it doesn’t really show—not in the playful, satisfied hums while she blows you nor in the slow, deliberate pump of her fingers around your base. It’s a little too leisurely for someone to act desperate. Then you peek through the curtain of sensory overload, and that’s when everything becomes clear. The furrow of her eyebrows, the fixated attention on your cock, the spread of spit and precum all over your erection. 
Maybe she does have a point after all.
She catches you staring, catches you slipping. Her eyes flutter open, then shut. In a flash, she goes from sipping on your cock to choking on it. Forcing you deep in her throat without your input. It leaves your head spinning, back at square one, with no control of Yunjin nor yourself, clinging your hands to the walls for support. 
“Jen Jen, shit—” you mouth, but it's near silent in comparison to the sloppy sound she makes gagging. It’s as if she’s laughing at you for looking so helpless against her.
The sensation of her slick mouth burns. Her ever increasing tempo and lack of care or comfort relentlessly pluck away at your resolve and restraint. Her eyes water as she violently pushes her own boundaries, her own limits. Stains gradually pile around her lips and chin, a mixture of her spit, seed, and lipstick. You have her hair wrapped around the print of your fingers, holding loose strands away from her gleaming face. Despite your best efforts, you aren’t able to see her beyond blurry little flashes and brief snapshots. Deep down, you’re set ablaze, with nothing to extinguish you. You look to the ceiling, to the side, anywhere but beneath you, trying to find some reprieve from the agony and tension pulling at your loins.
You end up finding it down there, where you want it the least.
Yunjin has you right where she wants you to be—tightly sealed between her strawberry lips as you helplessly cry out her name in a sea of curses and praise. Anticipating the moment you finally break, she zealously works around her gag reflex to keep you deep in her throat. It doesn’t help that she has your balls around her hand, rubbing away and humming in satisfaction at the big hot load that she’ll receive soon. At points, she’s pouting at the fact that you refuse to surrender yourself entirely to her, that you’re still fighting.
It’s a losing effort that ultimately delays the inevitable.
An echoed shout, a wide drop of your jaw, and right there, lightning strikes—you come undone. Yunjin welcomes you with an open mouth; your thick hot load spills down her throat without a single wasted drop. You’re left wide-eyed, shuddering, panting as your orgasm washes over you. Even so, she continues to squeeze away at your balls without remorse, pumping your cock to unload more cum down her thirsty, needy maw. 
Yunjin can’t hold in her delight and laughter after she licks your underside for any leftovers. You cushion back against the wall, your energy completely drained as she laps her lips and chin clean. Just like that, any remnant of what transpired hours ago, completely forgotten. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism—not in the slightest—but if it works, it works. 
That’s one department where Yunjin won’t let you down. 
“I wasn’t ready,” you huff, palming a hand on your thumping chest, cumbrously catching your breath. You mindlessly stare at the living room light, struggling to gather yourself. “Shit, Jen Jen, that was—”
“And we’re only getting started,” she interjects, quickly rising to her feet, pushing you upright. The grin on her face doubles down on the intent. “I’m not going to bed in a dour mood tonight, and you’re gonna help me feel better.”
God, she’s so damn good at this whole setting the mood thing.
You’re no different than anyone else, folding so easily as her fingers map out your body. Continuous circles around every part that belongs to her: from your hair, to your shoulders, arms, chest, down to your tummy, around your back, and everything else in between. Yunjin demands everything about you, her fiery gaze keeping you in tow. You’re tensing up, letting out these strained gasps, watching her watchful eyes dictate your every little move, reminding you who’s carrying the stick in the relationship.
She has you by the balls, quite literally—pumping you back to hardness—and she’s enjoying every moment of it. Teasing you with her flattering mien, she has every intention to leave you more tired and spent tonight than any day she’s worked in her life.
Then, a phone rings. It’s not the hotel landline, but from the pile around your legs. Suddenly, a lightbulb appears over Yunjin’s head, and the smirk on her lips is anything but subtle. 
“Would you look at that,” she teases, her grin growing an extra inch wider, and her ironclad grip loosens. Still, you have no room to breathe when she crouches down to dig your rumbling phone out of the pocket of your pants. She makes it a point to act shocked in response to the incoming caller, then shows her to you.
Kim Chaewon.
It’s an open secret within the group—how important of a piece she is between you two, the perfect reprieve and voice of reason when the other isn’t around. You’ve gotten tangled up with both Chaewon and Yunjin a few times, under the same guise of stress relief. In a way, they’ve grown closer together thanks to you. But the rather scornful frown she has tells you otherwise. As if she’s going to lose the one last thing keeping her head straight. Forget that Chaewon is respectful of your relationship; if she gets in the way between her and your dick, she’ll cut her down, and that goes for anyone else too, friendship be damned.
“Be a good boy and take care of the call, will you?” she asks, tone playful, handing the phone over to you. You have no say, other than to follow her command. In the process, you feel your groin tense up. You look down and find your cock sandwiched between her heavenly thighs, choking up from the new sensation of her creamy skin. 
When you try to look away, she redirects your eyes back to hers. Her palm meets your chin. Hard. She curls her lips, expressing disdain and reinforcing her control. There’s your first and last warning. 
You’ve never struggled so much just opening your own phone. It’s not that Yunjin just hacked into it; her imprints are everywhere. The very lockscreen is her kissing you, your face cropped out of frame and your homescreen is a candid photo of her more bold outfits.  If not for the texts from the other members and loved ones, you’d look like the creepiest, most obsessive stalker ever. You can feed tabloids and news outlets day-to-day information, down to the most intricate details. She’s a huge part of you, and it’s gonna eventually ruin you—
“Hurry up, dipshit.” 
Yunjin’s stern tone snaps you from your daze. Hard to maintain a steady head when she’s slowly choking you out and she’s thrusting your cock in and out of her legs, still sore from her blowjob and while you’re still reeling from your orgasm. She’s perfectly built for fucking for hours on end; you’re surprised you hasn’t caught on after so long.
“Hello?” Chaewon’s voice pulls your focus away, but only briefly. Almost instinctively, Yunjin’s legs press tighter against your hard cock in response. She raises her eyebrows, shaking her head, demanding you answer the call. No context clues, no verbal cues, just wing it. 
“He-ey, Chae.” Your voice comes out gruff, airy. A brief glimpse down and you find the growing stain on Yunjin’s thighs. Your cock entering and exiting the comfort of her legs. She doesn’t appear satisfied, not even a little. 
“Is Yunjin there with you? She’s been gone after we got back to our rooms. She's not been herself after—you know—and we’ve been trying to comfort her to no avail.”
“Yeah, she’s here with me—” you say, looking directly at her, and she nods, still stiff and sour. She leans forward, her tongue pressing against your skin, mumbling something incomprehensible on your neck. Somewhere along the lines of “If you tell her, I’m going to fucking kill you,” and she sounds like she means it.
Try to suppress your gasps and whine, you can’t hold yourself back. It affects your inflection, from gravelly and small to high-pitched and nasally. You’re one wrong move away from meeting disaster, and Yunjin is the one goading you to your own pitfall. She revels running you around in circles, leading you like sheep to a shepard. You can’t think straight from all this built up pressure. “She’s good! She’s doing just fine—”
Out of nowhere, she moans. Loud. Her tone is so obvious, it can’t be anyone but her. Any sort of illusion or pretense is immediately dashed, right then and there. You almost drop your phone, barely managing to save it with a glint of clarity.
You don’t hear from Chaewon for a bit, letting you indulge in Yunjin’s seductive motions. Your body is the perfect outlet for her pleasure: kissing and marking around her neck, her fingers tracing your arms to your chest, and your cock comfortably snug between her sculpted legs. You regain some semblance of control by pumping away between her warmth, but it’s hollow; she lets her thighs press down while you thrust quicker and quicker. At first, she’d been the one bringing all the friction, until your hips begin to glide involuntarily, the wetness dripping from her thighs and around your cock making the transition near-flawless. 
Soon, the room fills with the sound of her moans, till it becomes oh-so clear you’re fucking her. The call remains active, but you still hear nothing from Chaewon’s side. The phone in your hand is what’s holding you back, but even you feel your control slip away again; against Yunjin’s demand to pretend everything’s normal, when there’s nothing normal about the position you’re in. The only thing unusual is the fact that Chaewon isn’t there to watch, preferably while pleasuring herself.
“Shit, Yunjin, you feel so fucking good—” you sputter, clutching Yunjin’s nape as she curses and whines against your shoulder. Suddenly, you hear Chaewon again, but you’ve practically stopped caring. She’d understand.
“Yeah, well, I don’t blame her for going to you. I’d do the same right now, but I gotta take care of the girls as the leader.” Chaewon sounds so diplomatic about the matter, it’s almost surprising. “Just—” she pauses when Yunjin loudly kisses you, cooing and moaning about how big you are in the direction of your phone. “Please tell her to come back here by morning, all right?”
“Sure—thing.” Your tone jumps on the second word, as your cock hits a particularly deep stroke that teases the outline of her cunt. 
“Oh, and Kkura said hi, by the way.” 
You’re amazed at how understanding she is.
“Okay.” You look down and you see Yunjin adjust your cock around the entrance of her pussy with her hand, impatient and done with the teasing. All the possible replies to maintain normalcy and your best response ends up being a simple, hurried “Hi.”
“Bye.” 
You drop your phone right as Chaewon hangs up the call. Yunjin immediately kisses you straight in the lips, sliding her tongue between your lips. She lets out this strained whine when you grab her ass, lightly pushing her away. Miraculously, she doesn’t fight back or lash out. 
“Don’t you wanna cum right in my pussy?”
“No, Jen Jen. Let me finish right in your thighs.”  
Yunjin flashes this sad, deflated frown, but she ultimately concedes. She’s this multifaceted character only you might ever hope to understand. She's a perfectionist and wants things her way, but she’s also soft and vulnerable. You feel guilty making this rather huge request, but she reassures you by pressing your cock comfortably between her legs. Your worries soon disappear when the friction of her heat keeps your hips moving. The sight of your dick moving in-and-out keeps you preoccupied. 
Even she forgets about her disappointment too, hypnotized by the continuous rhythm of your cock. She pulls your head in, moans all these profanities of varying tones in your ear. The way you both pull each other’s bodies apart, your expressions twisting in pleasure, demanding more—you might as well be in bed, and not breaking your knees and backs against the living room wall. 
You’re not sure what’s going to break first—your legs, your back, your hips, or your cock.
“Oh—fuck—Yunjin,” you groan, losing yourself in her asphyxiating heat of her skin, on the verge of another climax. You have one hand marking her ass as you both grind into each other’s bodies. God, you’re both made for one another. Drowning in her tightness, you thrust deep between her legs. Same spot, same stroke, same result. You remember where and how well you’ve fucked her, it’s almost muscle memory to you. It drives Yunjin crazy. 
She senses your incoming orgasm and shouts. The need for you to cum isn’t a request, but a full demand. Something to be expected. Her voice hits those familiar high notes that aren’t far off from her usual recordings, and she firmly clings to you. As if you ever had any other thought than to finish on her pencilike legs. You let yourself succumb to the sensation, let all the pent up pressure set itself off while you bask in that delirious high.
The way Yunjin clenches her thighs around your cock, she may as well have snapped it off.
You both mirror each other’s expressions; eyes completely shut, jaw completely agape, resting in each other’s bodies. The only difference being that Yunjin is way, way louder than you. Your mind goes completely blank, with nothing but her name drawn out from the curve of your lips. Your back is aching; your knees are tingling, ready to fail at any time. Nothing registers for you except her voice, her endless moan that rings in your ear. It’s only after her legs involuntarily slacken their grip that you fall.
To the floor, that is.
And you stay down—a minute, maybe several, completely shaken up and your head still riding that high. Somewhere in limbo. One hand gripped to her waist, the other on her leg. You forget to breathe. Your brain doesn’t register the concept of exhaling, only taking in air. The world around you appears to pause completely. 
And then your phone beeps. Still dazed, you completely ignore it.
Yunjin brings you back to life. She has one hand gripped against the wall, the other on your hair—which you now just realize—gasping for much needed air. She can’t muster up the strength to open her eyes, so you assess the damage. It’s as disastrous as it looks: a huge splatter of cum around her legs, dripping down to her feet. To the floor. To your pants. 
You don’t say a word; you don’t really have anything meaningful or productive to add. The simple question of whether or not she feels better, but you know she’ll say it won’t be enough. That she wants your cum right in her pussy, no matter how spent or sore you are. Maybe you can quietly weave your way out of a nightlong bedroom session.
So you look at your phone, removing yourself from the situation. There’s two new messages, both from the same person—Chaewon. Nothing noteworthy, just the reminder to send Yunjin back early in the morning. The idol life never really stops.
Yunjin calls out to you, abruptly intercepting your attention. “Hey.”
You look up and find her looking down at the details, slowly gathering her bearings. She runs a finger on a sticky patch on her skin, then tastes your seed with her tongue. “What’s up?”
She ignores you for a moment to gather more cum to lap, then stares directly at you. “We should have done this in front of a mirror.”
You pause. It’s hard to believe Yunjin telling you this, when she’s been the biggest skeptic. She’d rather have it in bed, on the table—anywhere that won’t allow her to see herself. The uncanny image of a prim, desirable idol bent over while someone uses her.
With that in mind, you chuckle. “We do it all the time. Give it a break.” 
—————
You both end up doing it anyway.
It’s two in the morning, and you vividly have Chaewon’s request at the back of your mind. The group’s flight back home is in six hours, and Yunjin has to be there with them for breakfast. It’s not like you’ll be away long term; she has three days-off after today. Days when you can spend all the time in the world together to your heart’s content. But fuck, Yunjin is so goddamn insatiable, she can’t go at least three hours without your cock somehow around her. You don’t end up getting sleep, because she’s so needy for your cock she can’t help but stroke it or blow it back to hardness. 
Your suggestion? A late night coffee run that ends in predictable fashion: you, fucking Yunjin from behind in the comfort of a cafe restroom. 
Yunjin’s outfit barely qualifies as casual; if anything, it’s her performance fit (a sports bra and a short skirt) from earlier, topped only by the leather jacket she went to your room with. Yet none of that matters when they’re pooled on the floor, with your hand squeezing her bare breast and the other pressed on her shapely ass. And there’s your hard cock, pounding away at her soaked cunt like it’s second nature—which it is—and it’s quite the motivating sight. Watching it appear and disappear in her pussy, hearing her hushed pleas, echoed cries, and every lewd sound in between.
The cafe across your hotel is completely empty, which is to be expected. You can count the number of working staff on one hand, and most of them are fast asleep or busy on their phone. You’re not making any excuses for fucking Yunjin at a place like this; you’re merely laying out the scene. 
You can blame Yunjin for your precarious position. Any attempt to make some small talk she makes it about you. About missing your cock so much, about how she wants you to fill her pussy up and make her feel better. As if two orgasms wasn’t enough. You wouldn’t be surprised if she asked you to fuck her right then and there, in front of the cafe where everyone can see. You end up agreeing to a compromise, but it’s merely delaying the inevitable. The door is locked shut, nobody’s around to hear, and no one really cares.
If only it were that simple.
“Fuck—so—fucking—big!” cries out Yunjin, as if you were in the privacy of your hotel room and not in front of a public restroom. She gives it to you again, praises you in both murmurs and screams, her hands glued on the edges of the sink, eyes fluttering open and closed with her jaw agape on the surface. It’s as filthy as you imagined, if not more. Only you can see the full extent of the damage you’re making, and it is breathtaking. 
She beckons you to fuck her harder, give her more, tells you not to stop. The idea never crosses your mind. When she yells and mewls, she’s making sure each one is louder than the last. You can tell she has nothing to lose. If she’s going down, she’ll drag you down with her. 
“You’re so fucking tight, Jen Jen,” you groan out, looking at your entangled bodies in the mirror, at her arched back, at the curvature of her ass, at your cock spearing her hard. You puncture each of your next three words with increasing emphasis. “So—fucking—tight.”
As the sex dissolves into deeper madness, so does your restraint. You’re fucking her through the sink, pounding away with reckless abandon, with zero care for comfort. Thoughtless, impulsive drops of ‘tight,’ ‘fuck,’ and even a single ‘slut’ bomb—words that can get you cancelled on-air. Yunjin shudders, letting out this drawn out ‘yes’ in response, as if admitting the truth—to your utter surprise (sarcasm). Her core clenches against your cock, stretching her out. So wet, so needy—
It’s a strange thing to believe, but this is Yunjin’s first orgasm of the night. Her lands lay flat on the sink, and her mouth lolls wide, screaming your name like you’re the most important person in the world. The intense heat, the suffocating pulse of her cunt, drowning your cock—
Fuck, it’s too much for your already aching cock. And her thighs and lips were brutal in their own right. 
Moments after hers, your very own climax follows. You’ve already struggled holding back twice; whatever amount of resolve you had left is non-existent. Moving from her chest at some point, the hand on her hair yanks harder. Pushing your hips as far as they can go, wishing your cock can somehow enter her womb—you ignore the possibility that you might be hurting her. 
‘Hurts so good’ exists for a reason.
The remnants of your orgasm continue to leave Yunjin in shambles. A brief look at the aftermath, and the first impression is that you didn’t fuck her hard enough. Your hot cum spilling from her splayed, ruined hole, her clothes on the other side of the restroom, and your pants receiving some of her hot slick. Yunjin remains bent on the sink, huffing through her own climax, your hand deeply imprinted on her ass, and marks, scratches, and rosy patches on her back—vestiges of hours gone by. 
You remain like this for a little while longer: cuddling up against her frame while she rests on the sink, softly kissing around her ear, brushing strands of loose red hair. She’s gorgeous, there’s no denying that. When she performs, when she’s being herself, when she’s getting pounded hard—but she looks best when she’s calm, when she’s at her softest, at her most vulnerable. When you’re all alone and you both have nothing to hide. At the end of the day, you both need each other. For everything.
—————
You and Yunjin might as well be strangers. 
It’s as if the past seven hours happened in a different timeline. Both of you casually lounge in the still lifeless cafe, drinking the nonexistent traces of your iced coffee. You scroll through social media; Yunjin still dominates the trends and new reposts of the viral accident pop-up like they’re produced from a factory. She’s doing the same, reading through all the comments. Some memes, some praising her professionalism, some simply to get that verified ad revenue. 
This will be completely forgotten in a week. Yunjin’s career will come out unscathed. People move on. She will, too.
Yet you still remain awkward with her, completely undecided on the words that she really needs right now. She needs you more than just your body. 
“Jen Jen,” you whisper, before you freeze up at her anxious gaze. She waits for a follow-up, a sentence, anything. It never comes. 
She frowns. She’s not mad, only disappointed.
The sun begins to rise over the city, signaling the start of a new day. Knowing this, Yunjin adjusts her jacket and rises from her seat. You never told her once.
She walks through the door, and steps outside—but not before turning and taking one last concerned look at you. You quietly mouth ‘Love you,’ and surprisingly, she smiles. The Yunjin you know and love.
‘Love ya.’ 
—————
(A/N: againsorryfornotpostingmuchlatelyohgodivebeensobusy—
Ginger/red hair Yunjin didn't grow on me at first. Then the Good Bones teaser dropped. The strut. The attitude. The fact they allowed her to walk around in her bra and panties. What the fuck. I've been so down bad for her lately, and so are you. Looking forward to their new music! Thank you for reading!)
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zeldasnotes · 1 month
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ASTRO OBSERVATIONS 33
masterlist
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• People with Sun in the 8th house or aspecting Pluto might have been saved from situations because of their fathers name. For example might be threathened then the people find who your father is and apologizes.
• If you ask someone whats the worst thing someone ever said to them it will probably be something related to their Chiron placement. Because A when people touch our Chiron wound we remember it forever and B for some damn reason people seem to always touch where you have your Chiron wound bc its kinda obvious to others.
• If you have 10th house placements you have a trademark after your name, whatever you do you easily become known for it. People want to put a label on you and the themes of the planet you have there is the label thats most easily put. So when you have 10th house planets its extra important to think before you act.
• If you have Lilith conjunct North Node you need to learn to do your own thing. Ive seen people with this who didnt reach their potential until they refused to stop trying to fit in and be ”normal” . You are a class of your own. People will respond to you differently when you act like Lilith. Example: A rapper in my country have this placement in Virgo and was treated bad by other rappers bc of a beef he had on the streets and bla bla. Anyways he knew he wouldnt get collabs bc of this so he made it ”his” thing to never have a feature on his songs and to never do interviews and be on other rappers tracks. After this people started respecting him more. He used his inability to fit in to make himself look even better.
• Venus/Neptune involve their love interest in their art. A lot of rappers with this might want to have their partner on their albumcover, in their music video, paint their partner etc. Dating a man with this placement feels like being his muse.
• Be careful when you have Venus in Leo in the Solar Return Chart because this one can really make you want to SPLURGE. Especially clothes, bags and stuff that makes you look good. 💰🛒🛍️💸
• Talking to someone with a Mercury/Pluto or Mercury/Nessus placement can feel like being interrogated. Constant checking if you are lying, asking extra questions to see if you change your story, detailed questions to see if your story is true. Can be very exhausting to be around bc of this (sorry).
• Every Aquarius Rising Ive met looked better in person than on pictures. There is a striking quality that the camera have a hard time capturing. Same with Virgo and Pisces Rising.
• People with Jupiter conjunct personal planets are funnier when they are not trying than when they try to be funny.
• Nanisca the role played by Viola Davis in the movie ”Woman King” reminds me of Sun conjunct Lilith.
• People with Ceres(1) conjunct personal planets seem to not like adornment.
• Aura(1488) conjunct Mercury might come across as sneaky.
• Venus in the 8th house or Venus aspecting Pluto attracts people who would normally not want them which is why they need to be extra careful. They might be super tall and attract someone who usually only go for short people or vice versa. But because of the intense magnetism that having a plutonian venus gives everyone wants a taste of you no matter if they really WANT you or not. Be wary of who you share your energy with.
• Venus Square MC might feel like their looks and social skills doesnt match the career they want or how they want the public to see them.
• Juno(3) or Venus Square Mars are the kind of people to have a huge difference in taste when it comes to who they want to sleep with and who they see as relationship material.
• If you have Lilith in the 7th house or Lilith conjunct Venus your ex's new partners might become obsessed with you or you become obsessed with your partners ex's.
• Dejanira(157) conjunct Ascendant is probably the scariest synastry aspect Ive ever experienced. Experienced it 2 times and both times I was Ascendant and he was Dejanira. Very scary attacks. I can even look at pictures of these people.
• Mars conjunct MC can mean a lot of people are scared of you. A very intimidating placement. In a mans chart it makes other men look up to him. Women with this placement seem too struggle with this placement a lot tho since people are more likely to want to challenge a woman who comes across as intimidating.
• Scorpio Moons seem to be very fascinated with psychopaths.
• Sag Moons might have had extremely carefree parents. Thats why these people can be so good on their own, they raised themselves. But its also why they flee from issues because they were never forced to stay and solve stuff like in a normal family.
• Cancer Risings can be really intimidating, especially the eyes. Ive mistaken so many Cancer Risings for being Scorpio Risings.
• Populus(8647) conjunct Mercury might be more popular among younger people.
• Lilith in a womans chart seem to show what archetype she finds empowering and might even want to be and in a mans chart an archetype he finds fascinating. Ex. Lilith 2nd/8th: the golddigger femme fatale, black widow. Lilith 4th house: The family matriarch, Evil Stepmom. Lilith 10th house: The boss, the businesswoman, cold bitch. Lilith 7th house: The homewrecker, femme fatale, beauty queen, homecoming queen, Mr steal yo girl. (Not always ofc and mostly this goes for when you are underdeveloped)
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luciddownloading · 7 months
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Mercury Aspects and Sense of Humor
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Aspects to your Mercury (as well as its sign and house placement) say a lot about your sense of humor: how you're funny and what you find funny. If you have many varying aspects to Mercury, you express your humor in many different ways. You also might just be ridiculously funny.
Sun conjunct Mercury: The Funny Guy (or Gal). These people identify with their humor so they seek a lot of validation for being funny. This can make them a constant Joker. "Why so serious?" they ask. "Because everything isn't a damn joke!" you may reply. But, they like taking the piss out of everything and everyone, themselves included. This can be a source of insecurity, too, though. They may feel as if they are always being laughed at, not with, even when it's not convenient.
Moon-Mercury aspects: Naturally funny. Seriously, some of the most hilarious people you'll ever meet (I might be a little biased as I have the sextile 😁). Humor is their intuitive response, so they react in very funny ways, sometimes unintentionally. VERY quick-witted. Needs to feel free to joke/laugh or engage with witty people to feel comfortable. The soul of a comedian. Can use humor to heal or comfort others. Either laughs off/through their feelings or do NOT laugh at them when they're having an emotional moment or they will hurt you.
Mercury conjunct Venus: Pleasing humor. Wins people over through jokes and laughter. May be fond of "corny" humor because it's very inoffensive, wholesome and oddly charming. Can make the worst puns or lamest jokes sound hilarious. Sometimes, people laugh with them just because they like them so much, not because of the joke itself. Observers may think, "Um, calm down, he/she isn't that funny." Very common with their love interests or people they date. Easily falls for very witty individuals.
Mercury-Mars aspects: Potty mouths. Vulgar humor that only they can get away with. If people are rubbed the wrong way, it only amuses them more. An expert at making sex jokes or telling hilarious stories about their sex lives. Funny people of their preferred sex(es) turn them on. Savagely skilled at sassy comebacks that will shut the other person up. Legendary roast sessions or reads. Can go on very funny rants whenever they are pissed off or worked up.
Mercury-Jupiter aspects: The clown. Big and broad humor. Loves being a silly goose. Doesn't care if you find it funny or not. It's hilarious to them! Most likely to have an unstoppable laughing fit over something stupid. Will fail the "try not to laugh" challenge. They can't hold it in! Their humor is like sunshine on a cloudy day. Like to uplift people with jokes. Even their laughter is like a healing medicine. Possibly has a distinct laugh and a huge one, at that.
Mercury-Saturn aspects: Dry wit. The absolute masters of sarcasm. It's like their second (or native) language. People sometimes don't know when they're joking and take them seriously. On the flip side, they get really annoyed when people make a joke out of something that they're taking seriously. Sophisticated humor. If American, they might really love British humor and comedians. Making jokes out of difficult situations but in a cynical or "I hate my life" way. Only gets funnier as they get older. Takes things less seriously with age and learns to use humor as a coping strategy.
Mercury-Uranus aspects: Offbeat humor. Other people sometimes don't "get" their humor. Can feel alienated in that way until they meet a fellow weirdo who laughs at the same things they do. Then, it's like "Thank God! I've found my people!" Super-quick, when it comes to telling jokes, comebacks, or getting the joke. Will laugh at things that go over other people's heads. Comedic genius: brilliant bits or wild one-liners. Might get off on controversial jokes or laughing at things they know they shouldn't. Frequently guilty of knee-jerk laughter in inappropriate moments.
Mercury-Neptune aspects: A chameleon-like wit. Can be dry, goofy, odd, offensive or wholesome in their humor, depending on the environment/audience. May write very funny screenplays or novels or be a great comedic actor. The hilarious main character of their own ongoing movie. Tells a lot of jokes to themselves, in their head or in private. Most likely to laugh out loud in public at an internal joke and look a bit crazy. Cracks themselves up. May imagine cracking others up or getting caught up in wacky situations.
Mercury-Pluto aspects: Dark comedy. "Wow, that was fucked up. Funny but fucked up." Might tell themselves that or be told that by others. Can keep some jokes to themselves because other people couldn't handle them. May think they're just joking around but destroys someone psychologically and triggers their trauma with a single quip. Sometimes, though, that's the intention. Mean streak may come out via humor in a way that horrifies them or they regret later. Or they just own it. SHADE, okay? More shade than a oak tree. It's giving Real Housewives or Tiffany Pollard. "Hilarious reality show villain" energy.
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wintersera · 5 months
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your order ma’am || g!p yujin x f!reader
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notes: apparently my brain works at ungodly hours like its 8am rn??? ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY @pupyuj <33 well happy belated birthday, but oh well
cw: g!p yujin, switch!reader, switch!yujin, praise, crack only bc i laughed a few times while writing, WEED USAGE!!, reader and yujin get high
wc: 1.5k
in the middle of your living room, smoke filled the air as you took another puff from your almost burnt out spliff. your eyes trained on the tv that had a random episode of spongebob on the screen. probably one of the random old seasons, the funnier ones obviously. the moonlight cascaded through your window illuminating the side of your face, blunt as well.
another smoke session today again. and for what? the nth time this week. to be fair it was a stressful month and no one was there to comfort you, except for the frequent delivery guys who’d deliver your food to you whenever you felt the need to snack on something. they wouldn’t comfort you, rather, you’d like to believe they’re comforting you with their presence. presence being them knocking on your door and leaving after 10 seconds.
every delivery was the same, the old ‘shove the bag into your face, ask if it’s you and then leave’.
tonight was different though. you ordered from the same place a good 30 minutes ago thinking your food would arrive on time, you’d gotten accustomed to their arrival times so you could just guess without having to look at your phone. yet the delivery guy never came.
“man.. where the fuck is my food at?” rolling up another blunt since your last one wasn’t strong enough. you sigh and stare directly at your tv once more. heh… funny spongebob episode. your lips met the tip of your freshly rolled blunt, lighting up the end and inhaling.
knock knock knock
the knock didn’t register in your head until you heard the person bang on your door three more times, although they seemed like very hesitant bangs, with an odd spacing between the second and the last one.
“oh fuck” immediately dropping the blunt upon the last knock, which somehow made you panic. why in hell did you think it was the police???
right, because the police were definitely at your house and not the delivery guy with a bag of food waiting for you.
i mean, you are high so…. but anyway, it was raining and you suddenly regained the knowledge that you ordered food. you reluctantly opened the door, with the thought of the police at the back of your mind, to find a pretty handsome looking woman outside your door.
“uh… why are you here” why the fuck did you say that? the taller woman scrunched her nose a little, maybe because you reeked of weed, looked around awkwardly and spoke to you without initiating eye contact.
“you called and i… came to your address to give you the pizza you ordered”
“how’d you know i lived here?” oh so now you’re interrogating the poor girl.
“wha- that’s not… anyway here’s your pizza ma’am” shoving the pizza box in front of your face. classic.
“ohhh shit pizza, okay nice. how much?” words slurring out of your mouth. your hands reached for your purse that you conveniently had in your pocket.
“it’ll be $18” looking around the place as if she had no time to stand around.
oh what the fuck.
where’s your cash gone….?
“don’t be alarmed… but i have no cash” you say with a smile, your eyes half lidded as you chuckle even though the opposing girl was nowhere near impressed. the situation was quite ridiculous to you, but you felt a tinge of regret after saying what you had said.
from what you could tell, it was her first time on the job. you had never seen her come round to your house on a random thursday night, no wonder why she looked so nervous “oh um, sorry i don’t have any cash i could….”
yeah, you’re high out of your mind right now. no coherent thoughts whatsoever, but she’s pretty, and you’re not thinking straight “i mean… i could pay another way. you wouldn’t mind would you?”
you beckoned her inside of your home, taking the pizza box and placing it beside your ashtray on the coffee table “how can you pay me back if you don’t have any cash? are you gonna paypal me or something”
“are you dense by any chance”
“n-no… i’m just confused. wait, why are you taking your clothes off?” you picked back up the disregarded spliff after you took your shirt off, inhaling and blowing the smoke in the opposite direction.
“paying you the other way, duh. like in those stupid porn videos where the delivery guy does whatever they want to the person because they didn’t have any cash on them… you don’t like the idea?”
“that seems really unrealistic and stupid, but um i’m not… uh how do i word this? i don’t m-mind” unintentionally stuttering, bewildered by the situation because honestly what the fuck is going on.
“come here…” you squint your eyes at her name tag “ahn yujin- your name has a nice ring to it” she sat on your sofa, shaking from what could be adrenaline or just anxiety. but considering you accidentally hot boxed her in your small living room, it’s most likely adrenaline.
you slid yourself in between her two thighs, smirking as you unzipped her jeans. you eagerly stripped her from her jeans, following her boxers? it’s 2023 you’re not gonna judge someone for wearing boxers, but-
oh?
yujin’s cock sprung up, which genuinely caught you off guard, moving back a little because of how shocked you were by the sudden reveal. my god, she was huge. bigger than the average man.
considering you were still heavily intoxicated, you didn’t believe it was real at first. you stared at it for a while thinking that maybe you were just- crazy? but no, it was very much real and very much hard.
“d-don’t look” muttering under her breath. yujin covered her face out of embarrassment “i swear it’s not what it looks like- mh”
“you got turned on by me didn’t you” giggling after kissing the tip of her cock “i bet you were waiting for this exact situation to happen, didn’t you?” you say before taking her whole length, the tip hitting the back of your throat with ease.
“f..fuck, it’s- mmmngh” she couldn’t do much, the air was thick with clouds of smoke due to the lack of airflow in your room. it was making her head hazy, unable to think coherently. yujin’s moans were soft and low, her hands roamed around and grabbed your pillow, her hips moved at the pace of your head going up and down, which in fact made you groan in approval.
in the meantime, your hand reached down to tend to your own wetness, caressing your folds as you continued to suck her cock.
without thinking, yujin lifted herself off the sofa. the marijuana made her move without thinking, grabbing you and tossing you onto the cushions “you hinted that i could do whatever, right?” you found yourself shocked, what made her suddenly so confi- the weed you dumbass.
“don’t think you're slick, i saw you playing with yourself” moving aside your panties while licking her lips, yujin shuffling in between your thighs “i think you should come around my cock instead” how, and when, was she this vulgar? she teased your hole before slowly pushing herself into you, her girthy cock filling you up in no time. you both moaned in unison, your fists balling the fabric of yujin’s shirt. it felt… it felt way too big for your tight pussy.
“y-yujin.. you’re too big, it kinda hurts-“ she gave you no time to rest, rocking her hips back and forth as soon as she got comfortable inside of you.
at first she was going slow and steady, but gradually she increased her speed. within minutes of slowly pumping her cock in and out, she was mercilessly ramming into your cunt seconds later. the pain at first was unbearable, she was just that big, but the faster she fucked you the more pleasure you felt. every part of her cock hit every spot you couldn’t find yourself, and god it felt way too good.
“so- so good… so tight.. mmghn fuck, your pussy feels amazing” embarrassingly enough, you moaned so loud at the comment. her praise alone was so comforting and so erotic that you couldn’t help but squeeze down on her length, she noticed how you reacted to her sweet words, wanting more of your reactions “you’re so pretty… under me. all fucked out, such a good girl”
her comment sent you over the edge, rolling your eyes back as your back slowly arches off the sofa. almost inaudible as you bite your lip to mute your own moans. yujin followed shortly after, giving one final thrust into you before stilling her hips and letting her warm cum shoot into you.
“that… was… so good” you mutter between breaths. you were completely spent, your legs were feeling like jelly but somehow yujin was still hard.
“still not enough. you still need to repay me more”
yeah no, you still needed to pay for service fees and shit. thankfully it was her last delivery for tonight.
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gwentbleidd · 1 year
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the concept of geralt being painfully unaware and making everything confusing is so funny tbh. i mean, imagine the situation:
literally everyone thinks that geralt and jaskier are together. everyone. except geralt.
why? well.
tb to that one time when lambert was making fun of him because 'oh geralt you look like shit, you didn't sleep well last nigh, huh?' so geralt answers, like it's nothing, 'no, jaskier kept me up all night', making lambert choke. to be fair, geralt agrees that listening to jaskier singing his stupid little songs till white morning wasn’t a nice experience. even if lambert is being overdramatic about it.
then some other time, a woman offers him and jaskier to spend the night at her inn while they're on the path. it's true that nights are getting colder but oh, geralt is used to it and so he explains 'no. thank you, but i sleep with the bard'. he doesn't know why the woman goes red in the face, why she starts to stutter and doesn't look geralt in the face anymore. weird but okay, not his problem.
it happens so many times until someone eventually points it out to geralt.
it's even funnier when he AND jaskier are confused after that, just for entirely different reasons
yennefer: no, geralt. enough. you need to stop making people think you and jaskier are together
geralt: what?, we're not together.
jaskier: we aRE NOT????
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batsylabs · 1 year
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I need to hear the fandom's thoughts on this immediately. I have a new headcanon and it's gonna take a whole lot of words but listen the meme potential is great stick with me here
Okay so there's this henchman of Bill's named Kryptos and though he has literally one line of dialogue I think about him a lot, not just cause he has superb Funny Little Guy™️ energy but for the obvious fact that he's also a weird 2D shape creature like Bill.
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In the novel Flatland (which portrays what Bill says is a "pretty good idea" of what his home dimension was like), shapes are divided into different social classes based on their number of sides. Four-sided shapes such as Kryptos hold esteemed jobs, mostly doctors and lawyers.
One of the things we know for sure about Kryptos is that he is a criminal of some sort, and I was thinking about what the hell this Soos of the Nightmare Realm -ass dude had done. At first I just kinda figured that he was complacent in Bill's transdimensional arson and that was good enough, but I thought of a way fuckin funnier idea:
Kryptos was a lawyer, probably even met Bill trying to get him out of trouble in their home dimension 'cause he was idk stealing candy from babies or whatever else Bill does, and miraculously managed to waive all the charges. Bill keeps Kryptos around currently because he's constantly breaking laws (local, planet-wide, physics...) and occasionally gets arrested by the Time Police or whatever in particularly sticky situations. Kryptos is loyal as a dog and always, ALWAYS finds some kind of underhanded, not-totally-legal loophole-through-a-loophole way to mediate things.
So, in other words, HE IS BILL'S SAUL GOODMAN
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plutosunshine · 2 years
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Your sense of humor
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Mercury in Aries
Your sense of humor is straightforward and even edgy. You can kill people with your words. However, it makes you super funny. You like to be goofy and silly with friends. Your bold, open and honest style of communication adds charm to you. Your jokes are fast and this makes them even funnier because one of the main rules of good humor is a sudden fast joke. Everybody who has Aries Mercury!!! If you hide or suppress these talents, they will destroy you from the inside. You need to forward your sarcasm to the world, not inside yourself.
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Mercury in Taurus
Mercury in Taurus is not as fast as Aries Mercury. However, it has its advantages. This Mercury has not a fast reaction but it doesn’t destroy its sense of humor. Your humor is so practical and precise that others can’t help but laugh. You are sarcastic and you know how to say something at right time. Sometimes people don’t expect a joke from you but it comes out and kills everybody. Did I mention sarcasm? Oh yes, I need to mention it again because omg Taurus Mercury owns it! Remember George Carlin? Yes, he is the owner of Taurus Mercury.
Mercury in Gemini
Gemini Mercury knows a little bit of every topic so your humor may depend on the person you are with. You adjust your sense of humor depending on the situation. Your humor is fast, optimistic and smart. Everyone thinks that you are witty and you were born to joke. You need to be appreciated for your humor. Also, you like to play with words and meanings. These jokes are easy to create for you. Your Mercury is in Gemini so people think you are so smart and know everything and sometimes they don’t notice that you don’t go that deep.
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Mercury in Cancer
Cancer Mercury often has a very good memory so it affects the sense of humor. You can remember something nobody already does so you successfully use it to joke. Cancer Mercury natives rarely joke about their families. It is something sacred for them. You intuitively sense the mood of your surroundings and that helps you to be on the same wavelength as others. Your jokes are rarely offensive and others adore that about you. The only way you can insult somebody is when you don’t even understand that it is offensive. Usually, you don’t do that on purpose.
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Mercury in Leo
Leo Mercury natives have very special facial expressions; they are artistic and unapologetically funny. If you have this Mercury, you MUST joke. It is your nature. You are a very good storyteller. Your expressions and even gestures color the story. Everybody understands your sense of humor. It is mostly optimistic and light-hearted. If the rest of the chart allows, you are the center of the party. Even if other planets are more introverted, you still need to express your talented Mercury. Maybe only in your friend's circle!
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Mercury in Virgo
Here we go again, of course, earth = sarcasm. We can’t escape that. Your sense of humor is critical and detail-oriented. You notice little details and use them in your jokes. It impresses others because of the surprise effect. They don’t expect that somebody can notice such little things. Virgo Mercury natives are smart. They show it anytime and everywhere they go. Some people may think that you are even arrogant but it can be possible only if you don’t work with your Mercury. I advise you to read more because it will affect you so well and will improve your sense of humor.
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Mercury in Libra
Your sense of humor is logical and soft. You don’t like offensive jokes (but watch out for Mercury-Mars aspects). You are diplomatic and even your jokes have this “not to offend anyone” attitude. That is why others love your humor so much. You talk politely and choose your words carefully. Libra Mercury has all the chances to be the queen/king of the party because of the wit, intelligence and “loving everybody” attitude. Depending on the rest of your chart, you have the potential to be a social butterfly.
Mercury in Scorpio
Of course dark humor. Humor that is not understood by everybody. You have a very special sense of humor. Most of the time you are sarcastic. This Mercury has a very interesting detail: when you joke, others often can’t understand if is it a joke or an insult. Also, Scorpio Mercury is very observant. Jokes may contain some not-pleasant observations of others. You see what other people hide behind their masks and joke very painfully about that. When you are with close friends, your humor is the best, they adore you.
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Mercury in Sagittarius
Born entertainer! You tell stories like no other. With Leo Mercury of course. Your sense of humor is light-hearted, optimistic, straightforward and honest. Sometimes people laugh because of how sincerely and honestly you talk. You can talk about the topics everybody is afraid of. And you just don’t understand what is wrong. Sagittarius Mercury can be too straightforward at times and doesn’t see that someone is insulted. It is because of the careless nature of Sagittarius Mercury. And there is where your open and sincere sense of humor comes from.
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Mercury in Capricorn
Of course, again it is sarcasm. However, if Virgo Mercury is more flexible, the sense of humor of Capricorn Mercury is drier. It is based on concrete facts and logic. Sometimes people don’t like the reality so it can be insulting. However, Capricorn Mercury is just no joke. It knows facts and jokes about them. Cynical and dry at times, but it is the nature of it!
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Mercury on Aquarius
This one is considered a genius or crazy. No in between. Your sense of humor is unique and unusual so not everybody understands it. Of course, your friends’ circle adores you. Your jokes sometimes come out of nowhere all of a sudden. Unpredictability and uniqueness make your sense of humor unusual. You often use very random facts in your jokes. Your humor is creative, a little bit cosmic and not from this world.
Mercury in Pisces
Your sense of humor is creative and bright! You create such beautiful and unbelievable stories! Unbelievable is the key word here because let’s be honest you like to add some inexistent details to the story. That makes the story and your jokes more colorful! Also, you are the type of person who jokes like crazy at the party and all of a sudden you disappear and become silent. When you are in your “peopley” phase, you are the best entertainer but when you don’t feel it anymore, you just leave.
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alwaysshallow · 5 months
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coffee at midnight, part 7
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John "Soap" MacTavish x f!reader
You try the whole "dating" thing. Soap doesn't quite like that, and it shows. (4,4k)
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
READ ON AO3
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If you'd known how much of a fuss it would be, you wouldn't even tell him. Hell, you wouldn't even think about telling him, you'd just describe it as a simple meeting with an old friend, and he'd know everything afterwards.
Now, you felt like you were seventeen again, trying to explain yourself right in front of your mom when you did something that she didn't like.
The only difference was, Soap acted like your mom, proudly taking her place in scolding you.
"'s like a free invitation for an axe murderer to come and get ya. Bonnie, thought yer gonna be smarter than this." He looked at you, his eyebrows furrowed. You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to see how conflicted he was with you going out without him.
Well, maybe it was also the fact that you were going on a date; an unexpected one, but you couldn't really say no, when your best friend played as your wingman.
And, what could shock the most, the wingman wasn't Soap, but Gaz that got into the conclusion you needed something like this; after your injury, but also in general since he hasn't seen you in ages on date with someone. Truth, harsh but still truth, got into you, so you've decided he's completely right. You needed this, a fresh air in the whole situation.
Which was funnier, that date was with Cody. Cody, who got your fake number from Johnny just because he didn't like him and he gave off weird vibes and you deserved better. You felt bad for a moment considering it was a fucking helpline, but it was too late to do anything with it. What's more to it, you really didn't want to tell him that your idiotic best friend decided to joke, thinking it would be funny.
That guilt was until Garrick proudly admitted that he gave him your number because it felt right. Because Cody asked about you since he saw you with them, and after a quick "interrogation", he felt like a proud wingman to allow him to take a shot on you.
Pretty funny choice of words, but all in all, you knew what Gaz was thinking about. You've babbled with him about it for almost two hours straight, drinking wine, while Soap just listened, throwing his snarky remarks from time to time. He looked like a kid that got his candy stolen from him, and while you didn't really like that kind of behavior, it was kind of funny to see him like this.
Such a contrast to his usually playful nature, especially in something stupid; you were just getting ready for the date. Nothing too scandalous, nothing too fancy, and nothing too deep, but the last thing you kept to yourself, just to get him riled up.
"Axe murderer that I know, Soap," you groaned, when he stood in your way, clearly not wanting you to go any further. Or to at least think what you were doing, which was funny enough, given you were a grown up woman. Not his sister that he needed to protect because she's not mature enough to think for herself, his best friend that knew exactly what she's doing.
At least, she pretended like she knew it. He was so stern that even when you gave him a look, full of politeness, he wasn't impressed.
"You just met him after years," he emphasized the last word. "He could be so much different than the last time you've seen him, 'st sayin'. Yer too good to people, always been."
You sighed, a little defeated; there was nothing you could say that would convince him enough to Cody. "Yet, Kyle thinks he's pretty good for going out."
Soap laughed at your words, shaking his head with disbelief. His previously royal, blue eyes, were nothing like before; they were a bit... colder, if it was even possible. "And since when Kyle is your love advisor?" He raised his eyebrow, his arms crossed at his chest. It felt pretty defensive, even for him.
And, you would lie if you'd tell that you didn't like that, even if it was weird for you, to see him care about something like this. It was heartwarming; like he didn't actually want you to see that guy, to see him adding his statement.
But, of course, you couldn't admit that. It would only make his ego burst, and it was the last thing that he needed to know.
Besides, it would only make things more complicated.
"And like, it's..."
"Why do you care anyway?" you interrupted him; he opened his mouth for a moment, to close it right away, like your words actually hit him. "Genuinely. It's just a date."
Soap rolled his eyes, playing with his fingers – when you only glanced at them, he swiftly hid them behind his back. Like he wanted to keep them away from you, like you would say something about it. It was weird, but you didn't pay much attention to it back then.
"Carin' about you. 's all." He shrugged, looking carefully at you, when you put your shoes on. "'st... be careful, aye? 'm gonna kill this lad if he's..."
"...Johnny." You sent him a look; your hand instinctively covered his for a moment. "It's all gonna be alright. I'm not like, going to a mission where I'm gonna get another injury" you joked. He didn't take it quite well, considering that he gave you a scolding look.
"Mhm." Soap grumbled, helping you as you moved on to your coat. "Text me if you'll need anythin', bonnie. I mean it. Yer arm good?"
"Good, thank you. I'm gonna remember." You smiled softly, nudging him for goodbye, indicating that he could step down from his protective role. Cody was supposed to pick you up, so there was absolutely nothing for him left to do.
Well, at least you thought this way. His thoughts were a little different, as you saw the moment he escorted you to the exit of your apartment building, leaning against the door, as you were getting into your date's car. Cody even waved to him, but all Johnny did was a slight nod, like he was acknowledging him.
Small win, but a win anyway, you thought.
"Hope he's not your hidden boyfriend or something?" Your old friend looked at you for a second, before taking a turn to the left. "Like, he seems pretty... tense, when he sees me. Like he's protecting something."
You needed a few seconds to process what Cody was implying; and when you understood, you couldn't help but laugh and with disbelief. "No, he's completely harmless. Seriously, it's just... maybe he doesn't take strangers well, you know."
"Does he give strangers a distress hotline number instead of yours, or is it just me?" he grinned, and even then, you could hear the question in his tone, which made you gulp a little. 
Well, if you’d think this way...
"Well. Johnny is... he's..."
Best friend. He's your best friend.
Why couldn't it leave your mouth?
"He's my... Johnny." You eventually said, looking at him. "He's like that, you'd understand after some time. But he's not my hidden boyfriend or something."
"Note taken. Would be awkward, if I'd taken you on a date and didn't know that." He laughed, shaking his head. "He'd probably kill me, huh?"
You laughed at this too, instead of telling him how Soap was already not pleased with you going out with him, and he was only your... best friend, technically. Heaven only knew what would happen if you'd want to meet Cody if you were in a relationship with him.
It was the possessiveness speaking. If anyone wanted to know something about MacTavish, he was possessive about his things. Obsessively so; it was cute when he clutched the Subway's sandwich to his chest from Ghost, when his friend wanted to take a bite. You, of course, had permission to take it (just a little bite since you were a girl), but no one else could. He cared about his things, he didn't let anyone touch his stuff if it had a sentimental matter to him.
The funny thing about it, he was possessive about people too, which sometimes irritated you to the core; he could have multiple friends and all, but you? Oh, he was interrogating the shit out of them, giving you the side eye if they managed to plan something with you before he did. He felt like he came before anyone, no matter what.
Not to mention, he was only like this about guy friends. Like a dog with a bone that's too precious to give to others. Funny thing is, they didn't even flirt with you, and he was acting like they were stealing you from him.
So, it wasn't really surprising when he didn't want to let you go out with Cody, especially that he somehow knew that you two had a history. You were thankful enough he didn't make a scene right in front of him because that would be humiliating.
Especially when your date seemed to be so nice. Not only did he open the car door for you, but also the restaurant's one, and you couldn't help but smile at that little gesture, nodding to him as a silent thank you. What was even better, you loved the place he chose for tonight.
Your old friend had to remember your taste, considering that the Italian restaurant was probably the prettiest building you've seen in a while. A lot of warm lamps around, climatic music that got your attention right when you walked into the room, greeted by an older waiter with a mustache; everything screamed Italy here, and you were taking in the view with pleasure.
"You like it so far?" Cody looked up at you from the menu; his bright, green eyes sparkled with curiosity in dim light. You suddenly felt bad, since you appreciated the effort more than you've probably let him know.
So, you nodded quickly, your painted nails clicking against the table. "Reminds me of this one restaurant back at home. You know, where we went with Stacy and others?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I remember." He laughed, shaking his head "I remember how Stacy spilled expensive wine on your shirt. Before meeting with your moms, you were pretty pissed back then."
You opened your eyes a little wider at this memory, suddenly remembering it; yeah, Stacy did something like that. What was also important to mention, you were right before an important dinner with your moms and their friends (Price involved), and the tragedy was huge back then. "So, you do remember things, huh?"
"Most of them," he admitted, tilting his head to the side with that boyish charm that he always had. It was something you couldn't really take away from him. "If something is worth remembering, I remember. Mostly situations with you."
It would be a lie if you'd say that dinner didn't go smoothly – because it did. Perfectly, even, knowing how much of a gentleman Cody was, how swiftly he balanced between topics, trying to entertain you. Trying to at least get a glimpse of your life that he didn't get to know since you left your hometown after being deployed and you cut ties with most of your friends. It was something that you liked, something that you adored, knowing he once was interested in you, and you were in him, when you were at high school.
Key words: high school.
As much as you liked him now, you knew it wouldn't work the moment waiter brought your food, and you awkwardly smiled to him, when he bon apetite'd you. Even if he tried to be smug, conversation wasn't effortless like you wanted it to be, you didn't like the way he asked you about your work, implying how it was men's work. Maybe it wasn't evident at first sight, but comments about you ruining your nails and your struggle as the only woman, and everything like that, irritated you.
Maybe it was you being hypersensitive, but you didn't really enjoy comments like this, no matter who it would be.
The chemistry between you two wasn't sparkling as well, and as much as you kept yourself from admitting it, you couldn't brush off a feeling that you would enjoy time with Johnny better. Hell, you were sure that your Scot would make those few hours a lot better. Movies, cooking together, even visiting the gym together... anything.
You felt bad for the thought, when Cody was so nice overall – yet, not nice in a way that would interest you.
"Is that your friend?" You heard him, which brought you back to Earth; he frowned, as he looked behind you. You were sitting right by the window, so he had a pretty clear view on the street.
"Friend?" You raised your eyebrow, amused.
"From earlier on."
You turned around, to see if your date was right; you doubted, really doubted that Cody would see Soap. Your friend was anything but someone that would disturb your date. "I really don't think Johnny..."
Well, Johnny indeed was here, and the thought of him not interrupting your date was completely crushed. You had to give him credit, though; he wasn't that recognizable, you didn't catch him right in the moment. He was in his dark sunglasses and brown cap; if the situation would've been different, you could laugh at how ridiculously similar he looked to all the Marvel characters when they had to hide.
Back then, you balanced on the line between being amused and furious that he didn't respect your time enough with someone else.
Having fun, Johnny?
As you observed him, you saw how quickly he looked around; for a brief moment, you felt like his gaze was on you, and it only confirmed itself when he started typing in his phone again.
dinnae ken what yer talkin about.
"I guess he's just here." You shrugged, lying to him swiftly. "It's the center of the town, yeah? Things... happens."
Cody chuckled, playing with his fork. "Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he is. As long as he doesn't disturb our date, right? It's too nice."
You're a menace to the society, MacTavish; you swiftly typed out under the table. "Yeah. It's too nice." you agreed, even if you thought how interesting it got only because your best friend was outside.
and yer mean: (
You had to hold back a laugh when you've read it; so, you put your phone down and came back to talking with Cody, eating and drinking that delicious wine; you knew you had to buy a bottle after this little adventure. Maybe they didn't sell it, but you were willing to try as soon as the waiter would come with the bill.
It was a personal win for you to come out twenty minutes later out of this restaurant with a bottle in your hand, laughing to your date about something convincing enough to sell it to you. You had to speak with two managers, but it was yours after all, ready to go home with you.
Soap was ready too, even if he acted like he wasn't here; you turned down Cody's proposition of taking you home just to call your best friend to ask where he is exactly, since he disappeared from that bench before you knew it.
"Over the date already? Had to suck, eh?" His eyebrow arched, as he wrapped his arm around your waist. "Sad. But yer sure that lad ain't for you."
"You know," you started, as you grabbed his glasses, just to wear it yourself "if you wouldn't be such a stalker, I'd let you drink wine with me at home. But, now, I have doubts about it."
"Stalker? C'mon. A simple coincidence, that is," he chuckled, as you two walked into his car. "Not my fault you'd rather have me on this date, not him. Can't really blame ya, hen."
You could feel how your face heated up in the moment; maybe if his statement wasn't true, you'd react differently, maybe you would think of a snarky comment. Back then, when you felt exactly like he said, well... It was hard enough.
He seemed to catch the hesitant look at your face, considering how smiley he got. "Oh? Got ye real good, if yer blushin'—"
"—you imagine too much, Johnny, " you mumbled out, as you got more comfortable in your seat, ready to go. "Let's go home, yeah?"
"'st sayin', bonnie. I could have a better date, even at home."
You didn't say anything about his reply. Not because it wasn't true (because it was), not because you were at a loss of words, but because you were conflicted about him and you having a date, when you two were friends. Was he honest, or playing like he always did?
It was just easier to think of it as just banter, ignore it, than actually take him seriously; because if you did and he would have to explain it to you it was just a joke... You were pretty sure that death of embarrassment was gonna happen, honestly. John was too important to you, friendship with him was too important to you to experiment with things like that.
Besides, it wasn't like you two would fit, right? There was a difference between being friends and someone that you could date. Your best friend was great, but as a lover? You didn't know this side of him, you could only guess.
When you finally arrived, you automatically left the car with your head in the clouds. Maybe that's why you haven't even noticed that your best friend was on the other side, trying to open the door for you; and that end up badly, considering that you've hit him with the door.
Low "fuck" snapped you from your thoughts, as well as him holding his nose; you immediately approached him, your expression bashful.
"I'm so sorry, Soap, I—"
"—S'alright." He shook his head, smiling at you like it was nothing. "I've been worse, you know. 'Suppose I deserved that." He nudged you, laughing when you rolled your eyes.
"It wasn't intentional," you groaned, grabbing his arm to start walking with him. "Come on, I'm gonna check it. Just in case."
"Apartment first, ma'am."
So, as soon as you were in the apartment with him, you had to check if nothing was broken – and even if it sounded like a wild thought, breaking a nose in close contact with the car's door, literally everything was possible with Soap, so it was better to be safe than sorry. Wouldn't be the first time that you did something to him without intention of doing it.
Once, when he pretended to be a burglar (he thought it would be funny this way) and he grabbed you from behind in your apartment, you hit him with a flower pot. You laughed afterwards, but you were pretty mad at him in the first ten minutes, trying to find something with ice that would help his headache.
After you checked everything, he seemed to be good. At least, excluding the moment where he thought it would be funny to whine and make you worry, which you smacked him for, but that was just his idiotic side speaking.
This incident though was definitely a lighter one. You've found yourself cleaning his shirt with soap and cold water, since he had a few drops of blood on it, and somehow you felt responsible there wouldn't be any stain left. Soap kept you company even then, shirtless, leaning against the doorframe to have a joke or two about how well you are cleaning blood, suggesting that you have "close connections" with underground fighters.
A simple answer would be period, but you didn't feel like going into that kind of conversation, so you just agreed, telling him he has to book you for the next cleaning. His laugh was everything.
Quickly after this, you were off to sleep, tired with the events of the day; you really needed a good rest, where you'd wrap yourself in the sheets, a warm nest around you. Calm environment, nothing to worry about since you were on leave, and your best friend was in your apartment too, it was the sense of safety here.
Except, your nightmares had a bit different plans than you had.
Ruthless, like they needed to remind themselves, and the worst thing about it was: you lived through every one of them. It wasn't something of your imagination, monsters and creatures that had no place in the real world, no – the realness of it all was scary. The memories you had from missions blended perfectly with events that didn't happen, causing you to have a heart-attack experience.
Nightmares about your team were the worst; where everyone was killed. Where you couldn't do anything but scream; this time, you watched their execution, as every one of your boys were killed right in front of you. Gun wounds, humiliation, where killers wanted them to beg for their life, when they cut the fingers of your comrades just to shoot them afterwards.
And you had to watch all of it, teary-eyed, just begging to stop all this madness.
The worst moment was when royal blue eyes looked right into yours, terrified, with a silent plea in them, hoping that you're gonna be the one to save his life; and the worst thing was, you knew you're gonna fail him. You knew there was nothing you could do to prevent the bloodshed, not when your body refused to move, not when you couldn't even move your finger, nor legs to defend them.
To defend him.
You remembered screaming, when the hope died in his eyes; silent, maybe meaningless words from your side that you're gonna fix all of this, no matter what. How you were the only one alive, and it felt worse than being dead with all of them.
And then, you woke up.
Your breath rapid, shuddery, you had no control over it, as well as you had no control over tears streaming down your face, without you acknowledging the fact of them. The only element that you saw? A pair of blues, looking at you with horror.
Owner of them shook you gently, trying to get you out of the trance you were in; after a minute you were pretty sure that he was talking, but you couldn't really recall what.
You had other things in mind.
"You're alive," you said, breathing out; he seemed shocked at least with your statement, but as he held your hands in his, he nodded quickly.
"Yeah. Yeah, 'm alive. Always will," he whispered. For a moment, the two of you were just looking at each other in silence and breathing. He took as it personal job to ease your nerves, and you could say that he really succeeded at it – the feeling like someone ripped your heart from your chest, slowly but surely vanished. "Better?"
"A bit," you murmured, sighing. You felt kind of bad, even if it wasn't your fault entirely. "I woke you up. I'm so sorry Johnny, I don't even—"
"—sssh. None of that right now, lassie, 'salright." He shook his head, leaning even more in your direction. "Come on. Give me a bosie."
"A bosie?" you chuckled, wiping away your tears. "It's a... hug, or...?"
"It's a hug, aye," he laughed too, wrapping his arms around you tightly – he knew how you liked to be hugged, he knew what you needed back then.
Soap hid his face in your hair, as he caressed your spine softly. He whispered a lot of words back then; soothing ones, encouraging, sweet nothings that made your heart go. How you weren't alone in all of this, how you could always count on him, how he was always gonna be here, no matter what was gonna happen.
All of this, in his arms, slightly rocked back and forth by him, seemed like the sweetest promise ever made, when you listened to his heart, slowly coming back to normal, just like your breath did not long ago. You two had magical influence on each other, you knew, but seeing it in action had you on a chokehold.
If this would be possible, you'd never leave this hug. You were more than happy to stay there with your eyes closed, your arms tightly around him, chin on top of his arm, where you could just smell his scent that somehow calmed you even more.
"'m gonna bring you a glass of water. Then, you're gonna go to sleep, all right?"
You couldn't care less about a glass of water, when you had all you needed in one person.
“Can you... stay?" you asked, slowly, when he started getting out of your bed. Somehow, you felt out of place asking that, but you needed to do this, even if it could seem outward weird to him.
You saw how he froze for a moment, before sitting in your bed again. "Of course."
This wasn't the first time; you once comforted him in bed, you slept next to him on missions just to keep both of you warm, but that was definitely the first time when both of you felt... more intimate. Like it was a change in the air, and after all it was your bed, in your apartment, and you wanted him to be next to you because he brought you comfort.
And because, somehow, it felt like he belonged here.
He spooned you from behind – one of his arms going under your head, so you could easily use it as a pillow if you'd only want, the other around your waist, like he was personally protecting you from anything that could happen to you. His body heat hit you the moment you snuggled more under the sheets. Soap was like a personal heater, ready to do anything to keep you warm.
You were in heaven.
"This will do?" he asked, his voice low. "Is it good for you, lassie?"
"...yeah." You smiled under your nose, when he ruffled your hair with the tips of his fingers, when you laid your head on his arm. "Good."
"Mhm. Sleep now, I'm gonna be here, if you need me." He kissed the back of your head, and from that gesture alone, you just knew for a fact that he was smiling too. "You know I love you, right?"
"I know. Love you too."
And for the first time, it felt a bit different from "I love you" than usual.
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vodika-vibes · 2 months
Note
I saw that you asked for crosshair requests, and I had an idea I figured I'd run by you in case it gave you any inspiration. I was thinking about a kind of friends to loves situation with crosshair and his casual flirting suggesting a friends with benefits situation, but the reader says no despite clearly being attracted to him, and when pressed confesses to being afraid of falling in love with him if they hook up. idk if that's smth you want to write, just hope you focus on stuff you want to do and don't burn yourself out :)
We Could Be More
Summary: Summary: You and Crosshair are friends, only the emotions are a little…more. You’re not really surprised when Crosshair comes to you with a proposition. Friends with benefits would make sense, it’s not as if the Empire will allow you more. You’re both surprised when you turn him down.
Pairing: TBB Crosshair x F!Reader
Word Count: 1577
Warnings: Discussions of a friends with benefits type situation, some adult discussion, Crosshair demands an explanation when the Reader says no, discussion of the lack of clone rights
Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni
A/N: I hope this is close to the idea that you had. I had fun writing it, and I'm so glad that people are feeding my sudden, and surprising, crosshair obsession. RIP me.
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You enjoy your job.
You’d enjoy it more if you had your own workshop, or even a workspace that wasn’t a small, unused, section of the ship.
Hell, at this point, you’d be happy with having a chair and a desk so you don’t have to sit on the floor while repairing the mouse droids. You’d also accept a cushion, or a thick blanket.
But no.
You have to sit on the floor with little mouse droids zipping around you while you make sure they work properly.
Still, you like working with droids. They’re easy. Easier than your co-workers.
Well, easier than most of your co-workers.
You flip the mouse droid back on its wheels, and it zooms around you, chattering happily. “Alright, you’re all set,” You say to the droid, “Watch out for more Admirals.”
The little droid chatters and then zooms out the tunnel that leads to your…hallway(?) and you sigh and stretch your arms over your head. Maybe if you send a very polite email to your supervisor you can get a desk…or at least a proper cushion.
“You know,” You yelp at the voice coming from the doorway, “I think you like those droids more than anyone else on this ship, kitten.”
“Don’t do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack,” You say as you press your hand over your pounding heart. And then you drop your hand and glance up at the much taller man, “I thought you were on a mission, Cross?”
“I was, and now I’m not. Funny how that happens.”
“Ooh, you think you're funny, don’t you?” You say with an amused grin on your lips.
“Funnier than most of the people on this ship, yeah.” Crosshair leans against the wall and slides down so he’s sitting next to you, his knees raised and his arms draped over his knees, “Busy morning?”
“Isn’t it always?” You ask with a sigh, “One of the mouse droids was in the way when a member of the Imperial Guard came though, and nearly crushed him to pieces.” You gesture to the side, “It’s over there, somewhere.”
“Bad luck.”
“Tell me about it.” You say with a sigh, “It’s going to take me days to rebuild it.”
“Hm.” Crosshair hums noncommittally. “What’s the Imperial Guard doing here?”
“Hell if I know. You think anyone tells me anything?” You ask with a grin.
“Nah, but I know the mouse droids pick up audio.” Crosshair replies.
“Crosshair, are you implying that I’m spying on my coworkers, because that would be very, very wrong of me.”
“Uh-huh.”
You keep his gaze for a moment, before a grin cracks your face, “Okay, apparently the Emperor’s ship needed repairs, some kind of space debris.” You shrug, “I dunno, I don’t work on ships, I work on droids.”
“Yeah, I don’t think they could fit a ship in your hallway.”
“Excuse you, this is my office, sir.”
“And you can’t even afford a chair, or a desk. Shame.”
You laugh and bump him with your shoulder, “Rude, maybe I like sitting on the floor.”
“Do you?”
“No. I think my butt is numb.”
Crosshair’s eyes glitter with mischief, “Want me to massage it for you?”
“I don’t think you’ve earned butt touching privileges.” You counter with a sniff.
“Shame. You have a really nice one. Very round and squeezable.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a massage. It sounds like you just want to grope me.”
He shrugs, “Same thing.”
“Very different.” You correct him with a laugh.
“Not the way I do it.”
“Oh? You have a lot of practice then?”
“Well, I might be a little out of practice. I haven’t had the chance to practice my skills since the Republic fell.” Crosshair admits.
“Aww, poor thing. How ever will you survive?” You tease him lightly as a new mouse droid limps in and you grab it and flip it immediately.
“I have a pretty good idea,” Crosshair counters as he leans back against the wall, his gaze locked on you.
You hum thoughtfully as you examine the wheels.
You and Crosshair are friends, because that’s all the Empire will allow. It’s illegal for Crosshair to have relations with people. And actual relationships are out of the question. Which is a shame, you’d be interested in seeing where this, whatever it might be, could go if given the chance.
You pull a piece of metal out from the wheel well, and then set the droid back on its wheels, and it scurries away. “Sorry, you were saying?”
Crosshair stares at you, a small smirk on his lips. “I have a…proposition, of sorts, kitten.”
You arch a single brow, “Go ahead.”
His smirk grows, “When was the last time you got laid?”
Your face burns, “I’m not answering that.”
“Come on, kitten, it’s me.”
You fold your arms, “If you tease me even once-”
“I would never.”
“Yes, you will.” You grumble. Crosshair flashes, what he probably thinks is, an angelic look, and you huff and avert your eyes. “...fine, I’ve never actually-”
A broad grin crosses his face, “Kitten, are you a virgin?”
You scowl at him, “You heard me.”
He looks absolutely delighted, and you consider kicking him in the shin for half a minute. “That makes my proposition even better.”
“If you’re about to tease me-”
“How do you feel about a friends with benefits type situation?” Crosshair interrupts you.
Your words die on your tongue, and you blink at him, “...what.”
“You heard me.”
“I did, I’m just trying to process.” You admit, you hold up a finger, “I just told you that I’m a virgin, and you want a friends with benefits situationship. With me.”
“Did I stutter?”
“Just making sure I heard you correctly.”
“You did.”
You frown at him, rolling the idea around in your mind.
It’s not that you don’t want. Because you do. More than you’re ever going to put into words. Crosshair is so handsome and while he’s not kind, he is good. Good in a way that he doesn’t seem to see in himself.
You could love him, if you gave yourself the chance.
And you can’t risk that. You can’t risk him.
So, hating yourself a little, you focus your attention on him, “I’m flattered, Cross.” You say slowly, “But I think that’s a terrible idea.”
“Why?” His eyes narrow at you, “Because I’m a clone.”
“Of course not. That’s never been important to me.”
“Then what? You’re not attracted enough? I’m not nice enough?”
“Cross-”
“You didn’t flat-out refuse, you said it’s a terrible idea. Why is it a terrible idea?” Crosshair demands.
“Because.”
“Because isn’t an answer.”
“Because I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with you, and you’ll get hurt.” You say honestly.
Crosshair pauses, “...You’re going to have to explain that one to me.”
“I’m not dumb, Crosshair. I know it’s illegal for you to have sex with anyone. And it’s even more illegal for you to enter a relationship with someone. And the Empire isn’t the Republic, they will kill you before they’ll punish me.”
He leans back, his gaze calculating, “What if I said that I didn’t care?”
You frown at him, “I care, that’s enough for me.”
He leans in so that his face is only a few inches away from your own, “What if the Empire wasn’t a concern?”
You lean in as well, so that you're even closer, “You can’t bring down the Empire, Crosshair, you’re one man.”
“I could try, if you wanted me to.”
Your gaze softens, “As strong and broad as your shoulders are, that weight would still crush you, Cross.”
He searches your face for a moment, “What if we defected?”
“Please tell me you don’t want to defect simply so you can get laid?”
“I’m not dumb, it’s only a matter of time before they decommission me.” Crosshair says, “The Clones are expendable.”
Your hands curl into fists, your nails digging into the palms of your hands, “Cross-”
“So what do you say? If we defect, would you be willing to consider a friends with benefits relationship?”
“You’re impossible.”
“Hey, if I’m about to risk my life by running away from the largest government entity in the galaxy, I’d like to know if there are some perks on the other side.”
“Oh my god,” You push your hands through your hair, “Okay, fine. Yes. If we defected, and I knew you weren’t going to get yourself killed simply because you wanted to get your dick wet, then yes, I would agree to a friends with benefits relationship.”
He leans back, “Deal. We leave tonight.”
“Do you have a plan?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Is it a good plan?”
Crosshair just smirks, “How many mouse droids can you call back right now?”
“...all of them, why?”
“Call them back, we’re going to rig them to blow up.”
Your jaw drops, “My babies-”
He rolls his eyes, “You have a better suggestion?”
“...no…”
“Great. Then get started. I’m going to come and get you tonight. We’re going to escape on one of the smaller ships.” Crosshair says.
“And go where?”
“Pabu.”
“I have questions.”
“My batch mates live there.”
“...I have even more questions.”
“They can wait.” Crosshair leans over to you and lightly kisses your temple, “You have work to do, kitten. I’ll see you tonight.”
And then Crosshair is gone, and you’re left feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
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xzhdjsj · 16 days
Text
As an apology for my last two Isaac posts, anddd because @mitsukitsume requested this, here's the Isaac version of that mini Andrew fic I wrote!
Hope you guys like it! Muah🫶
-
“How on earth did I end up in this situation?” Isaac sighs heavily.
Really, how did it all start? Let’s just say Isaac’s biggest mistake was getting you a phone and access to social media. Sure, you didn’t have an account, to be untraceable and whatnot, but that didn’t stop you from finding the cutest trends! Some of which require the help of a second party and who better, rather who else, to call but your dear knight in business attire?
“Stop being a big baby, if anything, this is your fault for getting me a phone.” You laugh at his whining.
“Annnd you bought me the lipsticks too.” You stuck your tongue out, mocking him.
You have him seated at the kitchen island, the lipsticks he purchased for you neatly lined up next to him.
It’s a habit of his, if you mention liking something it’ll be yours within a few days. So, when you mentioned your interest in lipsticks, he was up and browsing the internet for the best ones. Unfortunately for Isaac, and his lack of make-up knowledge, the most expensive isn’t always the best. That didn’t mean you appreciated them any less. You never purchased the ones you actually wanted and continued to use the ones he got you. So far you’ve acquired a collection of overpriced, luxurious lipsticks that could’ve easily been duped, and somehow, they mean the whole world to you. Isaac didn’t care about the price one bit. He thinks his lover deserves the best, and he’ll continue to spoil you with lavish gifts.
“Maybe I’ll stop treating you to gifts then.”
“WHAT? That’s not what I meant!”
He laughed at your reaction, the way your hand paused mid lipstick application with a wide-eyed expression on your face. Of course, he didn’t actually mean it, he’d spend all the money in his bank account on you if you asked him to.
“You just love pulling my leg, don’t you?”
“Hmmm maybe I do.”
“Wowww so mean.” You roll your eyes at him.
He doesn’t respond, just watches quietly as you apply the prettiest red colour to your lips.
“You ready?
“Do I have a choice?”
You kiss him on the cheek, leaving behind a crimson stain. “Of course not.”
Despite complaining, he’s sits still for you. His face became warmer, and his brain was melting like ice cream in the hot summer sun. Maybe it's the pent up tension from before you established a relationship. From all the times he held himself back from holding you, and now the effects of simple kisses are much more potent.
Kiss after kiss, you covered his entire face red with marks in the shape of your lips. And kiss after kiss, the more his heart rate increaded.
“Are we done yet?”, he mumbles.
“Mmm hold on a bit I need you looking the prettiest for me.”
He sighs, a silent protest but he still obeys.
With a few final kisses, you’re satisfied with your work. You take two steps back to admire your creation, but you don’t quite get to.  
“Isaaaccccc you gotta look at me!” You drag and pulled your phone from your pocket.
Isaac simply cannot face you, he’s the most flustered you’ve ever seen him as he stares off to the side.
“God, how did you even convince me to do this?” He reluctantly lifts his head to look up at you, bashful and embarrassed.
You tried your best, you really did but you couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped your throat. You held onto the kitchen counter for support, doubled over desperately trying to catch your breath.
“This is NOT funny, Pickle.” He rolls his eyes, and suddenly it’s even funnier.
“I’m sorry-“, you say between giggles, “I really am!”
“Well you sure don’t look very sorry to me” He raised an eyebrow, annoyed by your display. “Fine then, if you want to play, let’s play”
He pulls you towards him by the waist, taking you by surprise, and presses his cheek onto yours, dabbing the greasy splotches of red on you as well. He drags his face against yours until you’re both coloured red and the marks are all ruined.
“Nooo! You ruined it”
“You started this Pickle.” He says smugly, clearly proud of himself.
“Now we look like red smurfs, or I don’t know demons or something?” It’s your turn to complain.
“Then you might just be the most gorgeous demon I’ve ever seen”
“Really? You’ve seen other demons before?” You reply sarcastically.
“Stop being such a smartass”
His arms are still securely wrapped around your body, and he uses it to his advantage, pulling you close to kiss you. A proper kiss this time, a longer kiss to make up for how much you teased him. A desperate kiss to make up for the times he couldn't kiss you so freely.
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