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yesterdaysgirl · 4 months

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Bad Obsession

Saul Hudson x reader

<1991>

Summery: You have a problem, can Slash help you?

I leaned my back against the balcony railing, my head in my hands. I fucking screwed it. I screwed it all. How was I going to tell Saul? I don't think I could. I groaned, turning around, and leaning my elbows on the balcony. I looked out into the city. The view was amazing. All the lights shone against the dark silhouette of the skyscrapers. Then I spotted a big boxed-shaped building that stood on the outskirts of town. The rehab center. That’s where I would be soon if I didn't stop my bad habits.

I heard the screen door open and my body froze.

“Y/n, what are you doing out here?” I turned around, and there he was, standing in the middle of the doorway. Saul.

“Lovely.” I breathed softly, letting the nickname drift to my husband's ears. I walked forward and wrapped my arms around his torso tightly, bringing my body close to his.

“What's wrong?” He asked me, hugging me back. He rested his chin on my head, breathing in slowly. I started to panic. How was he so good at reading emotions? I had only hugged him, and he already had a feeling I wasn't fine. At that moment, I truly believe my heart stopped beating. I couldn't tell him. I don't think I could ever tell him.

I decided to avoid the question completely and change the subject.

“You smell nice.” I mumbled, moving my head so my forehead was resting on his shoulder. I looked down at the tile pattern on the balcony. I hoped that focusing on that would calm me down. It didn't.

Saul hummed in agreement, before moving his head so his mouth was next to my ear.

“You didn't answer my question.” He whispered into my ear. My heart started beating faster. I looked up from his shoulder and into his eyes.

“Yes, I'm fine. Just a bit of a headache.” I answered. I smiled a little, hoping that would satisfy my husband enough to drop the subject. He gave me a small nod, before kissing me on the cheek.

“Well, I’m tired. You coming?” He softly spoke, walking us into the lounge room, and reaching behind me to shut the door.

“Yes, sleep does sound nice. I’ll just go get changed.” I quickly pulled out of our embrace, hurriedly walking into our bedroom and shutting the door. I quickly took off all my clothes, and started rummaging through all my clothes to find something to bed. Something long. As I searched around our room, I caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror. I stopped searching, and stood in front of the whole-body mirror. I grabbed the fat of my gut. I’m ugly. So ugly it’s not even funny. I don't even know why Saul married me. I don't know what he sees in me. I’m not pretty, he doesn't need any of the money I have, and I was constantly on the road. Not to mention the drugs and alcohol. I know that might sound strange, as Saul also does drugs, and loves alcohol, but wouldn't he rather have a trophy wife, than a sloppy mess like me?

I lost myself, just staring at my reflection in the mirror blankly.

“Baby, do you want to take a shower with-” Saul opened the door, but stopped walking and talking as soon as he saw me. I quickly moved so my body was facing him, so it wouldn't look suspicious.

I went red, remembering I was half naked, only wearing underwear and a bra. I swiftly moved my arms so they were hugging my torso.

“Sorry babe.” Saul said absentmindedly, walking towards me, and taking his leather jacket off. But he soon stopped what he was doing, and furrowed his brows.

“What are you doing?” He asked, walking up to me faster, moving my arms out of the way.

“Saul, don't!” I pleaded, trying to move my arms around my stomach again, but it was too late. He had already seen the red finger marks on my stomach. Saul looked back up at me, his eyes looking sad.

“Y/n, we’ve been through this before. You’re not ugly. You’re beautiful, and I love you, ok? Why can’t you just see yourself the way I do?” Saul cocked his head to the side, a few tear drops ran down his cheek. I moved my hand to wipe away the tears. He let me rest my hand on his cheek. He looked at my face, before trailing his eyes down my arm. His eyes widened, and in a flash, he whisked his hand up to grab my wrist and pulled my hand off his cheek. I started panicking all over again, thinking he was mad at me for something. But that's when I saw where he was looking. At the inside of my elbow. I tried to yank my arm away, but Saul had a strong grip on my wrist, and it was getting tighter the more I strained against him. I looked at his face through my glassy eyes to see if I could find any emotion to hint at what he was feeling. But he just stared at the marks on my arm.

Suddenly, after some time of silence, and Saul just staring, he pulled me into a hug. A tight hug. He had never hugged me like this. It was as if he was afraid I would disappear if he didn’t hold me strong enough.

“Where is it?” My husband whispered into my ear, his voice shaky.

“Where’s what?” I asked back, acting dumb. I didn't want to give in to the thought that he knew. But he just saw the marks on my arms, so there was little to no hope.

“The heroin.” His words came out of his lips in one big shaky breath. My whole body stiffened. A few stray tears leaked from my eyes. But a few turned into a whole lot more, and soon I was a sobbing mess. Saul started rocking me from side to side, softly repeating that it would be alright. But that was the biggest lie I have ever heard in my life.

“Come on y/n, this is important. Where did you put the drugs?” Saul wiped the tears off my face and held my hands. I sighed, knowing this was it. He would find out how addicted I was to the drug. I looked away from him, and as calmly as I could, I whispered:

“In the green suitcase under the bed.” It hurt me that I couldn't even look him in the eye and say it. It hurt me that Saul had to see me this way. I hated that I let this get to me.

I kept looking at the ground as I felt Saul's presence disappear. The sound of him kneeling beside the bed filled the room, accompanied by a shuffling sound of his pulling the overly large suitcase out from under the bed. I only dared to look when the sound of a zipper filled the dangerously quiet room. I looked at where he was on the ground, staring open-mouthed at the open suitcase. I think he was expecting to find a couple of syringes and some zip-lock bags with heroin in them, not big plastic containers labeled ‘HERION’ jammed into a 150-litre suitcase, each container containing at least 10 liters of the drug. My body trembled as I slowly made my way to Saul.

“Honey?” I asked croakily. My throat was dry from all the tears I had cried.

Saul stood up, still looking at the drugs. My body was trembling from how scared I was. Scared of what Saul was thinking. Saul looked up at me, finally closing his mouth. We were standing about a meter and a half away from each other. Neither of us wanted to step any further. We stood in silence for a good 5 minutes. I had finally had enough

“JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING, GODAMMIT!” I screamed, throwing my arms up to emphasize my point. My chest was moving up and down fastly, as I started to hyperventilate.

Saul flinched, shaking from my sudden outburst. I suddenly realized what I had done, and broke down in tears again.

“Please just say something.” I sobbed. Saul rushed towards me and engulfed me in his arms.

“Hey hey hey, it's gonna be ok baby.” Saul mumbled into my hair, as his strong hands stroked large circles on my back. It did calm me down a bit, but not nearly enough to make me believe his words.

“No its not.” I cried into his shoulder, but Saul was not having it. He pulled out of the hug and looked into my tear-stained eyes.

“Listen baby, it is gonna be ok. Because we’re gonna get you some help, and you’ll be all better. And I’ll help you through it all, I promise. I don't care how long it will take, I will stand by you the whole way.” Saul looked at me with the softest expression, and I started to believe his words.

“Thank you, baby.” That's all I could say before hugging him again. Something in the warmth of Saul's breath on my neck told me everything was gonna be ok.

6 MONTHS LATER

I heard the sizzle of bacon as I stepped into the kitchen. I could also smell the bacon. I crept up behind Saul and wrapped my arms around his torso. He jumped a little, which caused a giggle to slip out of my mouth. Saul turned down the heat on the stove, before turning around and smiling at me.

“How did you sleep baby?” He asked me as he left soft butterfly kisses on my cheek.

“It was the best sleep I’ve had since…well for a long time.” I said softly. Saul looked up from where he was kissing my jaw and smiled.

“Glad to hear baby.” He kissed me on the lips this time. I had missed this. Waking up next to Saul, hugging and kissing him, and pretty much everything. This was my first day out of rehab, and I could already feel the difference. It was refreshing waking up, and not instantly shooting up in the bathroom and hiding it all from Saul.

“I've missed you baby.” Saul whispered into my lips. I melted into his embrace. Saul was right. Everything was going to be ok.

#Saul Hudson x reader #Saul hudson x y/n #Slash fic #Slash x reader #Guitar #Guns n roses #fanfic #Lead guitar #Use you illusion I #1991 #Saul Hudson

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